# Guy Counseling > Men's Health, Fitness & Lifestyle Blog > Generated by All in One SEO Pro v5.0.4, this is an llms-full.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site. ## Posts ### [Anticipatory Anxiety: Why Your Brain Treats Possibility Like Probability](https://guycounseling.com/anticipatory-anxiety/) **Published:** October 12, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anticipatory-anxiety representation c3po](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/c3po.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Have you ever worried about something that hasn’t happened yet and, within a few minutes, found yourself mentally living through the disaster as if it were already underway? Maybe your boss sends you a message that says, “Can we talk tomorrow?” Nothing else. No explanation. But before you know it, your brain has decided you’re getting fired. Then you’re wondering how you’ll pay the mortgage, whether you’ll have to move, and what you’re going to tell everyone. Or maybe you notice a strange sensation in your body. Instead of thinking, “That’s odd,” your mind immediately starts searching for the worst possible explanation. Ten minutes later, you’re mentally preparing for a diagnosis you don’t actually have. This is one of the strange things about anxiety. It can take a possibility and quietly turn it into a probability. Once that happens, your body often reacts as though the feared event is already real. Psychologists sometimes refer to this kind of experience as **anticipatory anxiety**. It happens when we become anxious about something that may happen in the future. The event itself hasn’t occurred, but our thoughts begin rehearsing it ahead of time. And if you’ve ever watched *Star Wars*, there’s a character who does this remarkably well: C-3PO. ## Your Inner C-3PO C-3PO is lovable, loyal, intelligent and incredibly useful. He is also frequently convinced that something terrible is about to happen. In *The Empire Strikes Back*, he famously calculates the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field at approximately 3,720 to 1. Han Solo responds with one of the most memorable lines in the franchise: **“Never tell me the odds.”** Now, Han Solo probably isn’t the person I’d recommend as your anxiety-management coach. The guy makes some questionable decisions. But psychologically, there’s something interesting happening in that exchange. C-3PO sees danger and immediately begins calculating what could go wrong. Han recognizes the danger too, but he doesn’t allow the possibility of failure to completely determine his behavior. **Related:** [Stop feeding anxiety with musterbations](https://guycounseling.com/should-statements/) Sometimes anxiety works a lot like C-3PO. There’s a little voice in your head constantly calculating odds. What if I screw this up? What if she leaves? What if the test results are bad? What if I embarrass myself? What if the plane hits turbulence? What if I don’t get the job? What if I make the wrong decision? None of those questions are inherently irrational. Bad things sometimes happen. Relationships end. Jobs disappear. Airplanes hit turbulence. People make mistakes. The problem begins when your brain starts treating **“What if?”** like **“This is probably going to happen.”** That’s when possibility starts masquerading as probability. ## Why Your Brain Does This Your brain is remarkably good at trying to keep you alive. One way it does that is by constantly scanning for potential threats and attempting to predict what might happen next. From an evolutionary standpoint, being able to anticipate danger was incredibly useful. If your ancestors heard something moving in the bushes, stopping to consider whether it might be a predator was probably a good idea. The problem is that the modern brain can use the same threat-detection system for situations that aren’t physically dangerous. An unanswered text message can become a threat. A work meeting can become a threat. A first date can become a threat. An upcoming flight can become a threat. A medical appointment can become a threat. When your brain identifies something as threatening, your nervous system may begin preparing for action. Your heart rate can increase. Your muscles can tighten. Your breathing may change. You might feel restless, nauseated or unable to concentrate. Then something else happens: you notice those uncomfortable sensations and think, “See? I knew something was wrong.” Now the anxiety itself becomes additional evidence for the danger. You imagine something bad happening, your body reacts, you notice the reaction, and those physical sensations make the imagined threat feel even more believable. Before long, you’re not responding to what is actually happening. You’re responding to a movie your brain created about what **might** happen. ## Anticipatory Anxiety Loves Uncertainty One of the hardest things for an anxious mind to tolerate is uncertainty. We like knowing what comes next. We want to know whether the relationship is going to work out. We want to know whether the interview went well. We want to know whether the medical test will be normal. We want to know whether we made the right decision. But life rarely gives us that kind of certainty. So the anxious brain sometimes tries to manufacture it, and oddly enough, negative certainty can feel easier to tolerate than uncertainty. “I don’t know what’s going to happen” can feel psychologically uncomfortable, so your brain replaces it with something that feels more definite: “I know exactly what’s going to happen. It’s going to be terrible.” That prediction may not be pleasant, but at least it feels certain. Unfortunately, it’s usually based on incomplete information. ## Catastrophizing Makes the Future Feel Real Anticipatory anxiety often travels with a thinking pattern commonly called **catastrophizing**. Catastrophizing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being dramatic. It simply means your mind jumps toward an especially negative outcome and then begins treating that outcome as particularly likely. Imagine you make a mistake during a presentation. A balanced thought might be, “I stumbled over that section. Hopefully the rest went better.” A catastrophizing thought might sound more like, “I completely blew that presentation. Everyone noticed. My boss probably thinks I’m incompetent. I’m never getting promoted.” **Related:** [What are the best podcasts for anxiety and depression?](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) Notice how quickly the story expands. One uncomfortable moment becomes a prediction about your entire professional future. The same thing can happen in relationships. Your partner seems distant one evening. Maybe they’re tired. Maybe they had a bad day. Maybe something is bothering them. But anticipatory anxiety can jump straight to, “They’re losing interest in me.” Once that thought appears, the brain starts gathering evidence to support it, and suddenly every quiet moment from the previous month gets entered into the prosecution’s case. ## Try Asking a Different Question One of the simplest ways to interrupt anticipatory anxiety is to challenge the question your brain keeps asking. Instead of repeatedly asking, **“What if something goes wrong?”** try asking, **“What do I actually know right now?”** Those are very different questions. Suppose your boss asks to meet with you tomorrow. What do you actually know? Your boss wants to talk. That’s it. You may have theories about why, and some of those theories might be reasonable, but theories aren’t facts. This doesn’t mean forcing yourself into positive thinking. You don’t need to tell yourself, “My boss is definitely giving me a promotion!” That would simply be another prediction. The goal isn’t replacing a negative fantasy with a positive fantasy. The goal is returning to what you actually know. ## Bring Your Attention Back to Right Now Anticipatory anxiety lives primarily in the future, which is why grounding techniques can be helpful. One simple exercise involves noticing five things you can see, four things you can physically feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. You may have heard this called the **5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique**. There’s nothing magical about those particular numbers. The point is to redirect attention away from the imagined future and toward your immediate environment. When anxiety starts telling you what might happen tomorrow, grounding reminds your nervous system where you actually are today. You can do something similar by slowing your breathing, noticing the chair underneath you, taking a walk, touching something with texture or simply describing your surroundings. These techniques don’t eliminate uncertainty. They help you stop mentally moving into a future that hasn’t happened. ## Stop Demanding a Guarantee Sometimes the real work with anticipatory anxiety isn’t figuring out whether something bad will happen. It’s learning that you can move forward without knowing. That’s harder because we naturally want reassurance. Tell me the plane will be completely smooth. Tell me the relationship will work out. Tell me the interview will lead to a job. Tell me the medical test will be fine. Tell me everything is going to be okay. Nobody can honestly make those promises. What you can learn is something more durable: **you can tolerate not knowing.** And if something difficult does happen, you can deal with the reality of that situation when it arrives. That is very different from suffering through the imagined version of it dozens of times beforehand. ## Notice When You’re Asking for the Odds This brings us back to C-3PO. There’s nothing wrong with thinking ahead. Planning is useful. Risk assessment is useful. Preparing for problems can be incredibly helpful. But there’s a difference between preparation and psychological fortune-telling. Preparation says, “There could be turbulence, so I’ll bring headphones, practice my breathing and remind myself what turbulence actually is.” Anxiety says, “There could be turbulence, which means this flight is going to be terrifying, something will probably go wrong, and I won’t be able to handle it.” One helps you prepare. The other makes you suffer before anything has even happened. So the next time your internal C-3PO begins rattling off the odds of disaster, you don’t necessarily need to shut him down completely. You might simply remind yourself, **“I know that’s possible. But possible doesn’t mean probable.”** Then bring yourself back to what is happening right now. ## You Don’t Have to Solve Tomorrow Today One of the greatest tricks anxiety plays on us is convincing us that worrying about the future gives us control over it. Usually it doesn’t. It just makes us experience tomorrow’s imagined problems today. There will always be uncertainty. There will always be situations where you don’t know how something will turn out. Learning to tolerate that uncertainty doesn’t mean becoming careless or ignoring legitimate risks. It means refusing to confuse imagination with information. Your brain may occasionally start calculating the odds. That’s okay. C-3PO can ride along. He just doesn’t always need to fly the Millennium Falcon. ## Listen to The Men’s Self-Help Podcast In **“Have You Been Living Like C-3PO?”**, I take a deeper look at anticipatory anxiety, catastrophizing and the way our minds can turn possibilities into probabilities. I also share practical ways to ground yourself, question anxious predictions and become a little more comfortable with uncertainty. You can listen to the podcast on [Anticipatory Anxiety](https://guycounselingradio.libsyn.com/have-you-been-living-like-c-3po) here. **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety, catastrophizing, cognitive behavioral therapy, overthinking, star wars --- ### [How To Stop Negative People From Infecting Your Positive Mindset](https://guycounseling.com/stop-negativity-positive-mindset/) **Published:** October 6, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![stop negatvity infecting positive mindset: man keeping negative people away](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/stop-negative-people-man-reflecting-negativity.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Stop Negative People Away From Your Dreams! Ever shared a goal with someone, only to have them immediately explain why it won’t work? Maybe you’ve been told you’re not smart enough, experienced enough, or capable enough. Or maybe there’s someone in your life who finds something negative to say about almost everything you try to do. The problem isn’t just that it stings. The problem is that if you let it, **somebody else’s negativity can slowly become your own inner voice.** That’s the topic of the latest episode of *The Men’s Self-Help Podcast*, and here are the five principles from it, plus a listener question about social anxiety that fits right in. **The quick version** 1. Ask yourself: is it true? 2. Ask yourself: is there anything useful in it? 3. Consider the source. 4. Protect your dream while it’s still growing. 5. Don’t internalize what doesn’t belong to you. ## 1. Ask Yourself: Is It True? Opinions are a dime a dozen. Delivering one with confidence doesn’t make it correct. When someone says “you can’t” or “you’ll never,” the first move is to run it through a filter instead of accepting it as fact on reflex. It helps to know the difference between **feedback** and **criticism**. The word criticism traces back to the Greek *krinein*, which means to judge or decide, so judgment is baked right into it. Feedback is usually more neutral and focuses on what you’re doing rather than who you are. - **Criticism:** “You drive that car because you need to impress people.” (A judgment and an assumption.) - **Feedback:** “That’s a cool car, but do the payments make it hard to hit your financial goals?” (An observation to think about.) In the episode, Dr. Moore shares the story of “Adam” (not his real name), a 25-year-old food service worker who dreamed of opening a café while a close family member kept telling him he didn’t know the first thing about running a business. Was it true? Not really. Adam had never run a business, but he knew the industry, and everything else was learnable. It took about five years of starts, stops, and mistakes, and today he owns a successful café on Chicago’s North Side. **A note on closeness and history:** If the hurtful comment comes from someone close to you, especially if you have a history of trauma or abuse, it’s going to land differently than a stranger’s opinion. “Is it true?” still applies, but this isn’t something to power through with a mindset trick. If that’s your situation, working with a qualified professional is worth it. ## 2. Ask Yourself: Is There Anything Useful in It? You don’t have to throw out every piece of criticism just because it stings. Even a badly delivered comment can contain a nugget of usable information. The skill is separating the **delivery** from the **data**. Take “Rachel,” who was starting a dog-walking business when her cousin told her she was too disorganized to run one. Harsh? Absolutely. But she had missed a couple of appointments because she didn’t have a system yet. She kept the useful part (get a scheduling system) and tossed the rest. Take what helps you. Leave the rest. ## 3. Consider the Source Does this person actually know what they’re talking about? Do they know you well? Do you respect their judgment? And the real gut check: would you have asked them for advice in the first place? If you’re thinking about learning a trade and your buddy, who has never worked in it, says there’s no money in it, that opinion deserves very little weight. In the episode, “Nick” wanted to become a nurse in his thirties, and a guy he barely talked to told him it was a “girl’s job.” Once Nick admitted he’d never ask that guy for advice on anything that mattered, the comment lost most of its power. Nick now works in an ER and is moving toward becoming a nurse practitioner. ## 4. Protect Your Dream While It’s Still Growing Not everybody deserves early access to your goals. A seedling doesn’t get dragged out into a hailstorm on day one, and a new dream needs some roots before it can handle everyone’s opinions. That doesn’t mean isolating yourself or lying to people. It just means you don’t owe everyone a front-row seat to your unfinished business. **Build before you broadcast.** Share early with the people who will encourage you or actually help you build, and let everyone else meet the dream once it can take a hit. ## 5. Don’t Internalize What Doesn’t Belong to You Someone else’s bitterness, jealousy, fear, or cynicism often reflects their own regrets and the things they never tried. It doesn’t have to become your inner narrative. You get to decide what you carry forward. Think of yourself as the bouncer at the door of your own mind. ## Bonus: A Listener Question About Social Anxiety This episode’s listener email (name and details changed) came from a 27-year-old who gets so wrapped up in how he’s coming across at social events that he replays conversations afterward, has started turning down invitations, and sometimes has a few drinks first to loosen up. A few takeaways from Dr. Moore’s reply: - **Move your attention outward.** Instead of “How am I coming across?” try “What is this person actually saying to me?” Self-monitoring tends to make you feel more awkward, not less. - **Feeling awkward doesn’t mean you looked awkward.** Anxiety is the feeling, not the camera. - **Close the case on the replay.** Ask whether there’s anything useful to learn. If there is, learn it. If not, stop putting yourself on trial. - **Be careful with “liquid courage.”** Alcohol can feel like it helps in the moment, but if your brain learns it can only handle social situations after drinking, it becomes part of the coping strategy, and heavy drinking can make anxiety worse over time. - **Start small.** Go somewhere for 20 minutes, talk to one or two people, and head out. That’s a baby step. A strong next step is a skills-based resource. The one recommended in the episode is *The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook* by Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson ([See Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=The+Shyness+and+Social+Anxiety+Workbook&tag=guycounseling-20)), a practical, cognitive-behavioral workbook for shyness and social anxiety. *(Affiliate link: as an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.)* **Man-Firm-Ation** *I decide which voices I allow to shape my life. Someone else’s negativity does not have to become my reality. I protect my dreams, my hopes, and my light.* ## Frequently Asked Questions ### How do I stop negative people from affecting my mindset? Filter what they say instead of absorbing it. Ask whether it’s true, whether anything in it is useful, and whether the person is a credible source. Then decide what you’re willing to carry forward. ### What’s the difference between feedback and criticism? Feedback is usually neutral and focuses on what you did or what you’re doing. Criticism leans toward judgment and tends to make assumptions about who you are. ### Should I tell everyone about my goals? Not necessarily. New goals are fragile, so it’s reasonable to share early only with people who will encourage you or help you build, and to wait on everyone else until you’ve made some progress. ### Does feeling awkward mean I came across as awkward? No. Social anxiety can make you feel far more noticeable than you are. Shifting your attention to the other person and the conversation often helps. ### Is this a substitute for therapy? No. This content is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health counseling. If negativity from people in your life is tied to trauma, abuse, or ongoing anxiety, consider working with a licensed professional. ## Listen to the Full Episode Catch the whole conversation, including the stories, humor, and the full listener reply, on [The Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1465473031). And if you’re working on setting healthier limits with the people around you, check out our related episode, [The Power of No: How to Say No Without Guilt](https://guycounseling.com/say-no-without-guilt/). *This post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health counseling.* **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** Attitude, goals, Mindset, negativity, Positivity --- ### [What Is Male Depression?](https://guycounseling.com/male-depression/) **Published:** September 29, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![male depression explained man sitting depressed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/male-depression-explained-man-depressed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Male Depression: A Closer Look I get the question a lot: “**What is male depression**?” As a men’s therapist in Chicago, I see firsthand how **men experience depression** in ways that often go unrecognized or misunderstood. Depression doesn’t always look the way we expect. When we hear the word “depression,” most people picture someone sad, withdrawn, or crying. While that can certainly be the case, [depression in men](https://guycounseling.com/man-anxiety-depression/) can take on different forms, making it harder for them and those around them to spot. It’s not uncommon for men to dismiss their own feelings or for their depression to manifest in ways that seem unrelated at first. If you want to listen to a podcast on the topic of male depression, I’ve embedded an episode below. ## Understanding Male Depression Depression is a mental health condition that affects how you feel, think, and handle daily activities. But when it comes to men, depression can look different compared to the more classic signs that people typically associate with it. Society’s expectations of men often include being strong, self-reliant, and emotionally restrained. Because of these pressures, many men feel uncomfortable acknowledging their struggles or seeking help. Men tend to “mask” their depression in various ways. Instead of showing sadness or hopelessness, they might become more irritable, angry, or aggressive. You might notice a short fuse, increased frustration, or a tendency to lash out over small things. Other times, they withdraw from relationships, becoming distant or isolating themselves socially. It’s also common for men to channel their depression into physical symptoms, like persistent aches and pains, headaches, or digestive issues, which can easily be dismissed as unrelated to their mental health. Many men will turn to substances like alcohol or drugs as a way of numbing these feelings, making it even harder to recognize depression for what it is. ## Common Signs of Male Depression Depression in men doesn’t follow a one-size-fits-all pattern. Some may experience a few of these symptoms, while others might face many. The key is to look for changes in behavior, mood, or physical health that seem out of the ordinary for the person. Here are some common signs: - **Anger and Irritability**: Men with depression often express their emotions through anger. It could show up as a short temper, frequent arguments, or a constant feeling of frustration. While anger can be a symptom of depression, it’s rarely linked to it in conversations about mental health. - **Physical Symptoms**: Men are more likely to complain of physical problems when they’re depressed. Chronic pain, backaches, headaches, digestive issues, or other bodily discomforts can all be signs that something more is going on. - **Fatigue and Sleep Issues**: A depressed man might feel exhausted even after getting a full night’s sleep or, conversely, he might have trouble falling or staying asleep. - **Risky Behavior**: Engaging in risky activities, whether it’s reckless driving, unsafe sex, or excessive drinking, can sometimes be a man’s way of coping with feelings of despair or hopelessness. - **Loss of Interest in Activities**: Depression can sap the joy out of things men once loved. Hobbies, sports, socializing, or even sex may no longer hold the same appeal. - **Difficulty Concentrating**: Struggling to focus at work or home, making decisions, or following through on tasks could be a sign of male depression. - **Withdrawal**: Men might pull back from friends, family, or partners, spending more time alone. This isolation can deepen the depression, creating a negative cycle that’s hard to break. - **Substance Abuse**: Many men self-medicate with alcohol or drugs as a way to escape or numb their emotions. This can temporarily mask the symptoms of depression but ultimately makes things worse. ## Why Men Often Don’t Seek Help As a therapist who specializes in men’s mental health, I frequently hear from clients that they didn’t feel “allowed” to be vulnerable. Many men grow up learning that it’s not acceptable to express sadness, fear, or vulnerability. Terms like “man up” or “boys don’t cry” reinforce the message that they should tough it out and deal with their problems alone. This social conditioning makes it difficult for men to recognize when they need help, let alone ask for it. Moreover, many men **fear that seeking therapy or admitting they’re struggling** will make them look weak or incapable. In a culture where masculinity is often equated with self-sufficiency, admitting to depression can feel like failure. ## The Importance of Seeking Help The truth is, depression is not a sign of weakness. It’s a medical condition that affects millions of men. Ignoring or burying these feelings only leads to more suffering—not just for the person going through it but also for their loved ones. Relationships can strain under the weight of undiagnosed or untreated depression, and careers can suffer when energy and focus are drained. Men are also at higher risk of suicide than women. Untreated depression is a significant factor in this, which makes early intervention crucial. Therapy can provide a safe space for men to talk openly about what they’re experiencing, without fear of judgment or criticism. There are various therapeutic approaches, [like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/), that can help men change unhelpful thought patterns and regain control over their lives. ## How to Help Someone Who May Be Depressed If you suspect a friend, family member, or partner may be suffering from depression, the best thing you can do is offer support without judgment. Approach the conversation with care and openness. You might say something like, “I’ve noticed you seem stressed or not yourself lately. I’m here if you want to talk.” Reassure them that it’s okay to seek help and that it doesn’t mean they’re weak. Encourage them to talk to a professional. Whether it’s seeing a therapist, joining a men’s support group, or even starting with a visit to their primary care physician, taking that first step can make all the difference. If you want to learn more about male depression, consider the book: I Don’t Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrance Real ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4cM88PJ)). ## **Wrap Up** Male depression is a serious but often misunderstood condition. Men may experience it differently, but it doesn’t mean the pain is any less real. By recognizing the signs and understanding the unique ways it shows up in men, we can better support those who are struggling. Whether it’s through therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination of all three, depression is treatable—and men deserve to get the help they need to live fulfilling lives. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Depression in Men, Depression Symptoms, Emotional Wellbeing, male depression, men’s mental health, Mental Health --- ### [50 Best Self-Improvement Podcasts for Men and Women](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/) **Published:** September 23, 2026 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ## ![top self improvement podcasts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/podcast.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Best Self-Improvement Podcasts Revealed](#Best_Self-Improvement_Podcasts_Revealed) - [50 Podcasts for Men Worth Listening To](#50_Podcasts_for_Men_Worth_Listening_To) - [1. The Men’s Self-Help Podcast](#1_The_Mens_Self-Help_Podcast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers) - [2. Sacred Sons](#2_Sacred_Sons) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-2) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-2) - [3. On Purpose with Jay Shetty](#3_On_Purpose_with_Jay_Shetty) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-3) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-3) - [4. Stuff You Should Know](#4_Stuff_You_Should_Know) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-4) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-4) - [5. The Mindset Mentor](#5_The_Mindset_Mentor) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-5) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-5) - [6. Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth](#6_Mind_Pump_Raw_Fitness_Truth) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-6) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-6) - [7. The Joe Rogan Experience](#7_The_Joe_Rogan_Experience) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-7) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-7) - [8. WTF with Marc Maron](#8_WTF_with_Marc_Maron) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-8) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-8) - [9. This American Life](#9_This_American_Life) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-9) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-9) - [10. Under the Skin with Russell Brand](#10_Under_the_Skin_with_Russell_Brand) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-10) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-10) - [11. We Study Billionaires](#11_We_Study_Billionaires) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-11) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-11) - [12. Savage Lovecast](#12_Savage_Lovecast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-12) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-12) - [13. Hotboxin’ with Mike Tyson](#13_Hotboxin_with_Mike_Tyson) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-13) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-13) - [14. Bloomberg Surveillance](#14_Bloomberg_Surveillance) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-14) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-14) - [15. The Daily Stoic](#15_The_Daily_Stoic) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-15) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-15) - [16. Feel Better, Live More](#16_Feel_Better_Live_More) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-16) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-16) - [17. TED Radio Hour](#17_TED_Radio_Hour) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-17) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-17) - [18. The Mental Illness Happy Hour](#18_The_Mental_Illness_Happy_Hour) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-18) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-18) - [19. That Sober Guy](#19_That_Sober_Guy) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-19) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-19) - [20. Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History](#20_Dan_Carlins_Hardcore_History) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-20) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-20) - [21. StarTalk Radio](#21_StarTalk_Radio) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-21) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-21) - [22. Time to Talk with Alex Holmes](#22_Time_to_Talk_with_Alex_Holmes) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-22) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-22) - [23. WIRED Gadget Lab](#23_WIRED_Gadget_Lab) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-23) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-23) - [24. Masters of Scale](#24_Masters_of_Scale) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-24) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-24) - [25. The Art of Relationships Show](#25_The_Art_of_Relationships_Show) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-25) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-25) - [26. The Love Lab Podcast](#26_The_Love_Lab_Podcast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-26) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-26) - [27. Homo Sapiens](#27_Homo_Sapiens) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-27) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-27) - [28. The Art of Charm](#28_The_Art_of_Charm) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-28) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-28) - [29. The Joshua Sigafus Podcast](#29_The_Joshua_Sigafus_Podcast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-29) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-29) - [30. Sean Carroll’s Mindscape](#30_Sean_Carrolls_Mindscape) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-30) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-30) - [31. Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard](#31_Armchair_Expert_with_Dax_Shepard) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-31) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-31) - [32. CarCast](#32_CarCast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-32) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-32) - [33. The Menswear Style Podcast](#33_The_Menswear_Style_Podcast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-33) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-33) - [34. 2 Bears, 1 Cave](#34_2_Bears_1_Cave) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-34) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-34) - [35. Huberman Lab](#35_Huberman_Lab) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-35) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-35) - [36. Monday Morning Podcast with Bill Burr](#36_Monday_Morning_Podcast_with_Bill_Burr) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-36) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-36) - [37. The Rich Roll Podcast](#37_The_Rich_Roll_Podcast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-37) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-37) - [38. Talking It Out with Mike and Bryan](#38_Talking_It_Out_with_Mike_and_Bryan) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-38) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-38) - [39. Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster](#39_Off_Menu_with_Ed_Gamble_and_James_Acaster) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-39) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-39) - [40. Talking Cars](#40_Talking_Cars) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-40) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-40) - [41. Onnit Podcast](#41_Onnit_Podcast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-41) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-41) - [42. Chasing Excellence](#42_Chasing_Excellence) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-42) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-42) - [43. I Think You’re Overthinking It with Chris Hardwick](#43_I_Think_Youre_Overthinking_It_with_Chris_Hardwick) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-43) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-43) - [44. Throwing Fits](#44_Throwing_Fits) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-44) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-44) - [45. Men’s Health Minute](#45_Mens_Health_Minute) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-45) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-45) - [46. Dope Black Dads](#46_Dope_Black_Dads) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-46) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-46) - [47. SmartLess](#47_SmartLess) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-47) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-47) - [48. The Bill Simmons Podcast](#48_The_Bill_Simmons_Podcast) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-48) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-48) - [49. The Ezra Klein Show](#49_The_Ezra_Klein_Show) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-49) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-49) - [50. The Ramsey Show](#50_The_Ramsey_Show) - [Why Listen?](#Why_Listen-50) - [What It Covers](#What_It_Covers-50) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Best Self-Improvement Podcasts Revealed Looking for the **best podcasts for self-improvement?** Need something that focuses on men? Trying to save somet time in your search? This updated guide brings together 50 shows covering mental health, fitness, relationships, money, science, style, sports, comedy, and personal growth. So yeah, it’s a collection of the best self-improvement podcasts! Some are major productions with familiar hosts, while others serve a more specific audience. A few older shows on the list have ended or changed names, but their episode archives may still be worth exploring. Those entries are clearly marked. For each podcast, you will find its main angle, a quick description, and a link where you can learn more or listen. You may also want to explore our [guide to the best websites and blogs for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-websites-men/). *Updated August 2026. Podcast schedules, hosts, and availability can change.* ## 50 Podcasts for Men Worth Listening To [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/mens-self-help-podcast-150x150-1.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1)](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET%20) ## 1. The Men’s Self-Help Podcast ### Why Listen? Practical mental health and personal-growth guidance created specifically for men. ### What It Covers Hosted by Dr. John Moore, this podcast explores motivation, confidence, relationships, emotional wellness, and the everyday pressures men often keep to themselves. Episodes combine psychology, relatable stories, and practical ideas listeners can use in real life. [Listen to The Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) ![sacred](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/sacred-sons-2.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 2. Sacred Sons ### Why Listen? Conversations about brotherhood, emotional growth, and healthier ways of being a man. ### What It Covers Sacred Sons explores men’s work through discussions about connection, healing, purpose, accountability, and community. It is best suited for listeners interested in personal development that goes beyond traditional ideas about masculinity. [Listen to Sacred Sons](https://www.sacredsons.com/) ![on purpose](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/on-purpose-3.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 3. On Purpose with Jay Shetty ### Why Listen? Accessible conversations about purpose, relationships, mindset, and personal growth. ### What It Covers Former monk Jay Shetty interviews well-known guests and explores the habits, beliefs, and emotional patterns that shape everyday life. The show blends inspirational storytelling with practical takeaways on confidence, resilience, and meaningful change. [Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty](https://jayshetty.me/podcast/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/stuff-you-should-know-4.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 4. Stuff You Should Know ### Why Listen? A long-running show that makes almost any subject interesting. ### What It Covers Hosts Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant explain everything from science and history to strange cultural traditions and overlooked inventions. The topics are unpredictable, but the relaxed chemistry and clear explanations make the show easy to enjoy. [Listen to Stuff You Should Know](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-stuff-you-should-know-26940277/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/mindset-metor-5.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 5. The Mindset Mentor ### Why Listen? Short, direct lessons about motivation, habits, confidence, and self-discipline. ### What It Covers Rob Dial focuses on practical ways to change unhelpful thinking and follow through on personal goals. Episodes are designed for listeners who want straightforward guidance without a long interview format. [Listen to The Mindset Mentor](https://open.spotify.com/show/706hylM6zaDW8LrrYxcggQ) ![mind pump](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/mind-pump-6.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 6. Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth ### Why Listen? Evidence-informed conversations about exercise, strength, nutrition, and the fitness industry. ### What It Covers The Mind Pump hosts challenge common workout myths and discuss what actually helps people build strength, improve health, and stay consistent. It is a strong choice for listeners who want fitness advice without hype or miracle promises. [Listen to Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth](https://www.mindpumpmedia.com/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/joe-rogan-7.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 7. The Joe Rogan Experience ### Why Listen? Long-form conversations with guests from entertainment, science, sports, politics, and culture. ### What It Covers Joe Rogan’s open-ended interview style allows discussions to move in unexpected directions. Episodes can cover everything from mixed martial arts and comedy to technology, health, and controversial ideas, so listeners may want to choose guests selectively. [Listen to The Joe Rogan Experience](https://open.spotify.com/show/4rOoJ6Egrf8K2IrywzwOMk) ![wtf](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/WTF-marc-8.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 8. WTF with Marc Maron ### Why Listen? Honest, often revealing conversations with actors, musicians, comedians, and public figures. ### What It Covers Marc Maron’s interviews frequently move beyond promotion and into identity, creativity, failure, recovery, and personal history. His candid style helps guests open up in ways that feel less polished and more human. [Listen to WTF with Marc Maron](http://www.wtfpod.com/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/this-american-life-9.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 9. This American Life ### Why Listen? Narrative journalism built around unforgettable real-life stories. ### What It Covers Hosted by Ira Glass, each episode develops a central theme through reported stories, interviews, and personal narratives. The result is thoughtful, emotionally rich storytelling about ordinary people facing complicated situations. [Listen to This American Life](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/under-skin-10.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 10. Under the Skin with Russell Brand ### Why Listen? Long-form discussions about culture, spirituality, politics, and society. ### What It Covers The archive includes interviews with writers, academics, public figures, and thinkers discussing the ideas beneath current events and public life. The show is no longer producing new episodes under this title. *Archive note: Under the Skin is no longer releasing new episodes, but past episodes remain available on major podcast platforms.* [Listen to Under the Skin with Russell Brand](https://www.russellbrand.com/podcasts/) ![billionaires](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/we-study-11.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 11. We Study Billionaires ### Why Listen? Investing lessons drawn from prominent investors, business leaders, and financial thinkers. ### What It Covers Part of The Investor’s Podcast Network, the show examines investment strategies, companies, markets, and the decisions behind major fortunes. It is best for listeners who enjoy finance and want detailed discussions rather than quick stock tips. [Listen to We Study Billionaires](https://www.theinvestorspodcast.com/we-study-billionaires/) ![savage](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/savage-12.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 12. Savage Lovecast ### Why Listen? Direct, candid advice about sex, dating, relationships, and intimacy. ### What It Covers Dan Savage answers listener questions with humor and a willingness to discuss topics many shows avoid. The podcast is explicit, practical, and especially useful for adults looking for frank conversations about sexual and relationship concerns. [Listen to Savage Lovecast](https://www.savagelovecast.com/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/hot-boxin-13.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 13. Hotboxin’ with Mike Tyson ### Why Listen? Unfiltered conversations with athletes, entertainers, and other notable guests. ### What It Covers Mike Tyson brings a surprisingly reflective style to discussions about competition, fame, trauma, success, and personal change. The format is loose and guest-driven, which makes each episode feel different. [Listen to Hotboxin’ with Mike Tyson](https://www.hotboxinpodcast.com/) ![bloomberg](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/bloombertg-14.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 14. Bloomberg Surveillance ### Why Listen? Daily analysis of markets, economics, business, and global financial news. ### What It Covers Bloomberg journalists and guests explain the forces moving markets and shaping the economy. It is a strong choice for listeners who want more depth than a standard business-news recap. [Listen to Bloomberg Surveillance](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/bloomberg-surveillance-35016) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/daily-stoic-15.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 15. The Daily Stoic ### Why Listen? Brief reflections on Stoic philosophy and how to apply it to modern life. ### What It Covers Ryan Holiday draws from thinkers such as Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus to explore discipline, perspective, resilience, and emotional control. Episodes are especially useful for listeners who enjoy short, focused lessons. [Listen to The Daily Stoic](https://dailystoic.com/) ![feel better](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/feel-better-16.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 16. Feel Better, Live More ### Why Listen? Wide-ranging conversations about physical health, mental wellness, and everyday habits. ### What It Covers Dr. Rangan Chatterjee interviews experts and explores how sleep, stress, movement, food, relationships, and behavior influence health. The tone is approachable, although listeners should still discuss medical decisions with a qualified professional. [Listen to Feel Better, Live More](https://open.spotify.com/show/6NyPQfcSR9nj0DPDr2ixrK) ![ted](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/ted-17.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 17. TED Radio Hour ### Why Listen? Big ideas from science, psychology, technology, culture, and human behavior. ### What It Covers The show expands on TED Talks through interviews and narrative reporting. Episodes connect several perspectives around one theme, making complex subjects easier to understand and discuss. [Listen to TED Radio Hour](https://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/) ![mental](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/mental-18.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 18. The Mental Illness Happy Hour ### Why Listen? Open conversations about depression, trauma, addiction, anxiety, and emotional pain. ### What It Covers Host Paul Gilmartin uses humor carefully while giving guests and listeners room to speak honestly about difficult experiences. The show can feel heavy, but its central message is that people do not have to struggle alone. [Listen to The Mental Illness Happy Hour](https://mentalpod.com/) ![that sober guy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/that-sober-19.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 19. That Sober Guy ### Why Listen? Recovery-focused conversations for people working to change their relationship with alcohol or drugs. ### What It Covers Shane Ramer shares lived experience, interviews guests, and discusses the practical and emotional realities of sobriety. The show offers community and encouragement, but it is not a substitute for professional treatment or emergency support. [Listen to That Sober Guy](https://www.thatsoberguy.com/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/hardcore-20.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 20. Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History ### Why Listen? Deep, cinematic explorations of major historical events and conflicts. ### What It Covers Dan Carlin is known for exceptionally long episodes that examine history through context, competing viewpoints, and vivid storytelling. This is not a quick overview; it is for listeners who enjoy settling into a subject for several hours. [Listen to Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History](https://www.dancarlin.com/hardcore-history-series/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/startalk-21.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 21. StarTalk Radio ### Why Listen? Science explained through humor, curiosity, and lively conversation. ### What It Covers Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson and his co-hosts explore astronomy, physics, space, technology, and popular culture. The show is designed to make scientific ideas engaging even for listeners without a technical background. [Listen to StarTalk Radio](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/startalk-radio-20978) ![time to talk](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/time-to-talk-22.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 22. Time to Talk with Alex Holmes ### Why Listen? Conversations centered on men’s mental health, identity, healing, and emotional honesty. ### What It Covers Alex Holmes created a space for discussing the experiences men often find difficult to name. The existing episodes remain valuable for listeners interested in vulnerability, self-awareness, and healthier emotional expression. *Availability note: Check the linked feed for the latest publishing status and access to earlier episodes.* [Listen to Time to Talk with Alex Holmes](https://open.spotify.com/show/4mDTIvqA2SMTrYziYEoJ2Z) ![wired gadgets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/wired-gadgets-23.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 23. WIRED Gadget Lab ### Why Listen? Technology news and analysis from the journalists at WIRED. ### What It Covers The hosts discuss devices, artificial intelligence, digital privacy, online culture, and the companies shaping the technology world. It is useful for listeners who want context and criticism rather than basic product promotion. [Listen to WIRED Gadget Lab](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/wired-gadgets-789988) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/masters-of-scale-24.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 24. Masters of Scale ### Why Listen? Lessons about entrepreneurship, leadership, and growing organizations. ### What It Covers Founders, executives, and innovators explain the decisions, setbacks, and turning points behind successful companies. The show is polished and story-driven, with ideas that can apply to both established leaders and aspiring entrepreneurs. [Listen to Masters of Scale](https://mastersofscale.com/) ![the art of relationships](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/the-art-of-relationships-25.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 25. The Art of Relationships Show ### Why Listen? Relationship guidance about communication, trust, conflict, and intimacy. ### What It Covers Hosted by relationship professional Greg Dudzinski, the show addresses common problems couples face and offers practical ways to strengthen connection. It may be helpful for listeners whose partners are not yet ready to attend counseling. [Listen to The Art of Relationships Show](https://www.theartofrelationships.org/show.html) ![love lab podcast](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/love-lob-26.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 26. The Love Lab Podcast ### Why Listen? Direct conversations about sex, intimacy, attraction, and long-term relationships. ### What It Covers Host Kevin Anthony discusses sexual communication, desire, relationship patterns, and ways couples can build a more satisfying intimate life. The content is adult-oriented and frequently explicit. [Listen to The Love Lab Podcast](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-love-lab-podcast-sex-love-996121) ![homo sapiens](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/homo-sapiens-27.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 27. Homo Sapiens ### Why Listen? Thoughtful and funny conversations about LGBTQ+ life, culture, relationships, and identity. ### What It Covers The show combines interviews, listener stories, and discussions about issues affecting queer communities. It works because LGBTQ+ identity is part of the conversation without limiting every episode to the same theme. [Listen to Homo Sapiens](https://open.spotify.com/show/3Gy6Udk5g7lvElTaLIicTv) ![art of charm podcast](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/art-of-charm-29.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 28. The Art of Charm ### Why Listen? Practical guidance on communication, confidence, relationships, and social skills. ### What It Covers The show explores how people build trust, handle difficult conversations, develop stronger networks, and become more self-aware. It is useful for listeners who want interpersonal skills presented in an accessible format. [Listen to The Art of Charm](https://theartofcharm.com/podcast/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/joshua-29.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 29. The Joshua Sigafus Podcast ### Why Listen? Dating and self-development advice focused on confidence, attraction, and personal responsibility. ### What It Covers Joshua Sigafus discusses dating strategy, communication, boundaries, and the beliefs that shape how men approach relationships. As with any coaching content, listeners should keep what is useful and avoid treating one person’s framework as universal. [Listen to The Joshua Sigafus Podcast](https://joshuasigafus.com/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/mindpsace-30.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 30. Sean Carroll’s Mindscape ### Why Listen? Deep conversations with leading thinkers in science, philosophy, culture, and society. ### What It Covers Physicist Sean Carroll interviews researchers, writers, and experts about complex ideas without talking down to the audience. The show rewards curiosity and is especially good for listeners who enjoy thoughtful, long-form discussion. [Listen to Sean Carroll’s Mindscape](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/sean-carrolls-mindscape-scienc-699349) ![armchair expert](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/armchair-31.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 31. Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard ### Why Listen? Celebrity interviews mixed with candid conversations about psychology, recovery, relationships, and life. ### What It Covers Dax Shepard and his guests often discuss the imperfect experiences behind public success. The show balances humor with personal disclosure and has built a large archive across entertainment, science, and culture. [Listen to Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard](https://armchairexpertpod.com/) ![car cast](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/carcast-32.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 32. CarCast ### Why Listen? Automotive news, reviews, and enthusiastic conversations about cars. ### What It Covers Adam Carolla, Matt D’Andria, and guests discuss new vehicles, classics, industry changes, racing, and car culture. It is aimed at listeners who enjoy strong opinions and hands-on automotive knowledge. [Listen to CarCast](https://carcastshow.com/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/menswear-33.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 33. The Menswear Style Podcast ### Why Listen? Behind-the-scenes conversations about men’s fashion, retail, branding, and design. ### What It Covers The show interviews founders and professionals from across the menswear industry. It is especially useful for listeners interested in how fashion businesses operate, although style enthusiasts will also find practical ideas and trend discussions. [Listen to The Menswear Style Podcast](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-menswear-style-podcast-160198) ![2 bears 1 cave](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/bears-34.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 34. 2 Bears, 1 Cave ### Why Listen? Loose, unpredictable comedy from Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer, and their guests. ### What It Covers The show is built around friendship, storytelling, teasing, and conversations that frequently go off the rails. The humor can be explicit and provocative, so it is best for listeners who already enjoy the hosts’ stand-up styles. [Listen to 2 Bears, 1 Cave](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/2-bears-1-cave-with-tom-segura-872197) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/huber-35.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 35. Huberman Lab ### Why Listen? Long-form discussions about neuroscience, behavior, performance, and health. ### What It Covers Andrew Huberman explains research on sleep, focus, stress, learning, exercise, and other topics connected to the brain and body. The show can be informative, but listeners should distinguish general education from individualized medical advice. [Listen to Huberman Lab](https://hubermanlab.com/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/36-bill-burr.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 36. Monday Morning Podcast with Bill Burr ### Why Listen? Bill Burr’s unfiltered reactions to sports, relationships, culture, and whatever is on his mind. ### What It Covers The format is simple: Burr talks, riffs, complains, answers listener questions, and turns everyday frustrations into comedy. The humor is blunt and frequently explicit. [Listen to Monday Morning Podcast with Bill Burr](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/a-dude-and-a-bro-podcast-show-936905) ![rich roll](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/rich-roll-podcast-37.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 37. The Rich Roll Podcast ### Why Listen? Long-form conversations about wellness, endurance, recovery, purpose, and personal change. ### What It Covers Rich Roll interviews athletes, authors, clinicians, and thinkers about the habits and experiences that shape a meaningful life. Episodes are often reflective and work well for listeners who enjoy depth rather than quick motivational slogans. [Listen to The Rich Roll Podcast](https://www.richroll.com/all-episodes/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/talkin-git-out-38.jpeg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 38. Talking It Out with Mike and Bryan ### Why Listen? Candid conversations about relationships, identity, masculinity, and life after reality television. ### What It Covers Mike Johnson and Bryan Abasolo used their Bachelor Nation platform to explore topics that extended beyond the franchise, including race, dating, mental health, and personal growth. The show has concluded, but its episode archive remains available. *Archive note: Talking It Out ended in 2022, but earlier episodes remain available through its podcast feed.* [Listen to Talking It Out with Mike and Bryan](https://art19.com/shows/talking-it-out) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/off-menu-39.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 39. Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster ### Why Listen? A comedy podcast built around each guest’s dream meal. ### What It Covers Guests choose their ideal starter, main course, side, dessert, and drink while Ed Gamble and James Acaster turn the conversation into something much stranger and funnier. It is an easy listen for people who enjoy food, comedy, and chaotic interviews. [Listen to Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/off-menu-with-ed-gamble-and-ja-757547/about) ![talking cars](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/talking-cars-1-1.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 40. Talking Cars ### Why Listen? Consumer Reports experts discuss new vehicles, testing, safety, and car-buying questions. ### What It Covers The show combines first impressions, road-test insights, industry news, and answers to listener questions. It is especially useful for people who want practical automotive information from an independent testing organization. [Listen to Talking Cars](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/talking-cars-hq/id630839767) ![onnit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/onnit-41.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 41. Onnit Podcast ### Why Listen? Performance, fitness, mindset, and wellness through the lens of the Onnit brand. ### What It Covers Episodes explore training, recovery, personal development, and the habits associated with high performance. Because the show is connected to a commercial wellness company, listeners should separate useful education from product marketing. [Listen to Onnit Podcast](https://www.onnit.com/kyle/) ![chasing excellence](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/chasing-42.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 42. Chasing Excellence ### Why Listen? Performance and personal-growth lessons drawn from coaching, athletics, and everyday life. ### What It Covers Ben Bergeron and Patrick Cummings discuss mindset, habits, leadership, fitness, and the pursuit of meaningful goals. The show often uses sports as a framework, but many of its ideas apply well beyond the gym. [Listen to Chasing Excellence](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/chasing-excellence/id1170629044) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/id1ot-43.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 43. I Think You’re Overthinking It with Chris Hardwick ### Why Listen? Funny, thoughtful conversations about overthinking, creativity, hobbies, parenthood, and starting again. ### What It Covers Formerly known as ID10T and, before that, The Nerdist Podcast, Chris Hardwick’s long-running show returned with a new name and a broader focus on getting out of your own way. The original feed and older interviews remain available. *Name update: This podcast was previously called ID10T with Chris Hardwick. Its earlier episodes remain in the same long-running feed.* [Listen to I Think You’re Overthinking It with Chris Hardwick](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/id10t-with-chris-hardwick-77311) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/TF-44.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 44. Throwing Fits ### Why Listen? Men’s fashion, internet culture, and unapologetically specific opinions about clothes. ### What It Covers Hosts Lawrence Schlossman and James Harris mix industry knowledge with humor, interviews, trend talk, and their signature fit checks. The show is especially suited for listeners who follow menswear but dislike overly polished fashion coverage. [Listen to Throwing Fits](https://open.spotify.com/show/5clie0STNxfQBfonEd8Ubt) ![MH Minute](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/mh-45.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 45. Men’s Health Minute ### Why Listen? Short-form health and lifestyle information from the Men’s Health brand. ### What It Covers The archive offers quick segments on fitness, nutrition, grooming, relationships, and general wellness. Episodes are brief rather than comprehensive, making the feed better for quick ideas than detailed guidance. *Availability note: This appears to function primarily as an archive, but earlier episodes remain available through podcast platforms.* [Listen to Men’s Health Minute](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/mens-health-minute-710065) ![dope black dads](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/dope-46.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 46. Dope Black Dads ### Why Listen? Community-centered conversations about Black fatherhood, family, identity, and culture. ### What It Covers The podcast gives Black fathers space to share experiences that are often overlooked in mainstream parenting media. Discussions are candid, supportive, and grounded in the realities of raising children while navigating work, relationships, and society. [Listen to Dope Black Dads](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/dope-black-dads-podcast-1382935) ![smartless](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/smartless-47.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 47. SmartLess ### Why Listen? Celebrity interviews led by Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett. ### What It Covers One host surprises the other two with each week’s guest, creating a conversation that feels spontaneous and playful. The chemistry among the hosts is the main attraction, while the guest list spans entertainment, sports, politics, business, and culture. [Listen to SmartLess](https://open.spotify.com/show/0Yzd0g8NYmn27k2HFNplv7) ![bill simmons](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/bill-simmons-48.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 48. The Bill Simmons Podcast ### Why Listen? Sports analysis, pop culture, rankings, debates, and strong opinions. ### What It Covers Bill Simmons and guests cover the NBA, NFL, media, entertainment, and the stories surrounding major games and personalities. The show is best for listeners who enjoy conversational analysis rather than a traditional sports-news format. [Listen to The Bill Simmons Podcast](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-bill-simmons-podcast-93359) ![ezra podcasst](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/ezra-49.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 49. The Ezra Klein Show ### Why Listen? In-depth conversations about politics, policy, culture, technology, and the ideas shaping public life. ### What It Covers Ezra Klein interviews scholars, writers, public officials, and other thinkers about complicated issues that rarely fit into a standard news segment. The show is analytical, patient, and designed for listeners who want context rather than headlines alone. [Listen to The Ezra Klein Show](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-ezra-klein-show-1582975) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/ramsey-50.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## 50. The Ramsey Show ### Why Listen? Call-in financial advice focused on debt, budgeting, work, and household money decisions. ### What It Covers Dave Ramsey and the show’s other personalities answer questions from people dealing with debt, spending, saving, careers, and major financial choices. The advice is direct and often opinionated, so listeners should consider how it fits their own circumstances. [Listen to The Ramsey Show](https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/the-ramsey-show-30820) ## Wrap Up The best podcast for you depends on what you want from your listening time. You might be looking for help with mental health, a smarter fitness routine, better relationship skills, financial guidance, a good story, or simply something funny for the commute. Use this list as a starting point and sample a few episodes before deciding whether a show belongs in your regular rotation. You can also explore our guide to the [best podcasts for anxiety, depression, and self-improvement](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/). Did we miss a podcast men should know about? Share the article and let us know which show belongs on the list. — **Related Posts** [Best stocking stuffers for guys!](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) [Best colognes for guys!](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Entertainment, Men's Interests, Podcasts --- ### [10 Ways Guys Deal With Breakups](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) **Published:** September 22, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man coping with a breakup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/man-breakup.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Men, Breakups, and Coping](#Men_Breakups_and_Coping) - [A Quick Guy Breakup Story](#A_Quick_Guy_Breakup_Story) - [In This Article, You Will Learn:](#In_This_Article_You_Will_Learn) - [Breakups Are Hard on Men Too](#Breakups_Are_Hard_on_Men_Too) - [Why Some Guys Become Nasty After a Breakup](#Why_Some_Guys_Become_Nasty_After_a_Breakup) - [10 Common Guy Breakup Strategies](#10_Common_Guy_Breakup_Strategies) - [Why Do Guys Ghost Their Exes?](#Why_Do_Guys_Ghost_Their_Exes) - [Why Do Some Men Seem Indifferent?](#Why_Do_Some_Men_Seem_Indifferent) - [Why Do Some Men Enter a New Relationship Immediately?](#Why_Do_Some_Men_Enter_a_New_Relationship_Immediately) - [What About Men Who Go on a Hookup Tour?](#What_About_Men_Who_Go_on_a_Hookup_Tour) - [Why Men Sometimes Feel Worse Months Later](#Why_Men_Sometimes_Feel_Worse_Months_Later) - [Healthy Ways Men Can Cope With a Breakup](#Healthy_Ways_Men_Can_Cope_With_a_Breakup) - [Myths About Men and Breakups](#Myths_About_Men_and_Breakups) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## Men, Breakups, and Coping One of the main questions I’m asked by guys after a relationship ends is: ***How do men deal with breakups?*** The question makes sense. Many men are not accustomed to talking openly about grief, rejection, loneliness, or emotional pain. As a counselor, I’ve had a front-row seat to the male mind in the immediate aftermath of a breakup. Contrary to what is often depicted in movies and television, most guys do not simply drink themselves numb and move on without feeling anything. **Men experience grief too.** The difference is that some men express it indirectly. One may become unusually quiet. Another throws himself into work or the gym. Someone else starts dating again before he has processed what happened. Some men develop a strong desire for sexual contact and use physical intimacy as a temporary distraction from emotional pain. Others appear completely unaffected—at least on the outside. This article explores several common ways men respond when a relationship ends. These patterns do not describe every guy, and they should not be used to diagnose an ex-partner. They can, however, help explain why some men behave in confusing or contradictory ways after a breakup. ![couple before a breakup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/kiss.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How some men cope after a relationship ends ## A Quick Guy Breakup Story I’d like to share the story of a friend I’ll call Steve. At 35, he believed he had found the woman of his dreams. They had been dating for three years, and there had been serious conversations about marriage and starting a family. For all intents and purposes, things seemed to be going well. Until they weren’t. The relationship eventually collapsed under the weight of trust problems and infidelity on both sides. In the days following the split, Steve began hooking up with almost any woman who showed interest. From the outside, he appeared energized and newly liberated. He went out constantly, flirted openly, and spoke as though the breakup had barely affected him. But deep inside, I knew **the guy was hurting**. Confused by some of his post-breakup behavior, he called me to talk. Who better to contact than a friend who would listen without immediately judging him? His central question was simple: *Why am I doing this?* Steve understood that the relationship was over. What he did not understand was why he felt compelled to keep moving, dating, and hooking up rather than sitting with what had happened. Men like Steve are rarely given a blueprint for grieving a relationship. That is what inspired me to write this article. We are going to cover a lot of ground. My goal is to normalize some of the emotions men experience after a breakup while also helping former partners understand behavior that may otherwise seem cold, impulsive, or confusing. ## **In This Article, You Will Learn:** - Common emotions men experience after a breakup - Ten ways some guys end or disengage from relationships - Why certain men become angry or distant after a split - Why some men ghost their former partners - Why rebound relationships and hookups happen - Common myths about men and breakups - Healthier ways men can cope with relationship loss ![man talking with a therapist after a breakup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/therapist-for-men-chicago.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Breakups can be emotionally difficult for men You have probably heard comments like these: > “When a guy’s relationship ends, he just moves on to the next woman.” > “Women feel the breakup. Men just start hooking up.” > “Guys get over relationships faster because they aren’t as emotional.” Some men do begin dating or having sex soon after a split. But outward behavior does not always reveal what is happening emotionally. A guy can be seeing someone new and still feel devastated about his former relationship. He can appear calm while struggling with rejection, shame, guilt, or loneliness. Let’s take a closer look. ## Breakups Are Hard on Men Too Regardless of what you may read elsewhere, breakups can be extremely painful for men. Men experience the same basic range of human emotions as anyone else. Some cry openly. Others cry privately. Some feel numb for weeks before the emotional impact fully reaches them. Common post-breakup reactions may include: - Intense sadness - Anger - Confusion - Feelings of rejection - Shame or embarrassment - A sense of personal failure - Emotional numbness - Self-doubt - Difficulty sleeping - Changes in appetite - A loss of identity or direction - Loneliness The difference is not that men lack feelings. The difference is often found in how men have been taught to express them. Many guys grow up receiving messages that sadness is weakness, crying is embarrassing, and emotional vulnerability should be hidden. As a result, grief may come out sideways. Sadness may look like anger. Loneliness may look like nonstop dating. Anxiety may look like overworking. Shame may look like arrogance or indifference. None of this means every man responds in the same way. Men are not a monolithic group. Personality, attachment style, culture, age, relationship history, mental health, social support, and the circumstances of the breakup all influence how a person reacts. ## Why Some Guys Become Nasty After a Breakup In private conversations with men, I have noticed that the stronger the emotional attachment was, the more irrationally or defensively some guys initially behave toward a former partner. **I am not saying this is true for all men.** But it is a pattern I have witnessed. Why does it happen? For some men, anger feels safer than grief. Anger creates energy. Sadness can create helplessness. A guy who feels rejected may lash out because admitting, “I’m deeply hurt and afraid you never really loved me,” feels far more vulnerable than saying, “I never cared about you anyway.” This may explain the behavior, but it does not excuse cruelty. Insults, harassment, revenge, threats, stalking, property damage, or attempts to humiliate an ex are not normal or acceptable breakup responses. A mature man can acknowledge his pain without punishing someone else for it. Some post-breakup hostility is also connected to a desire to appear in control. If a man was raised to believe that confidence means never showing hurt, he may work hard to convince everyone—including himself—that the breakup did not matter. That leads us to ten common approaches some men use when disengaging from a relationship. ## ![man feeling depressed after a breakup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/types-of-depression.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 10 Common Guy Breakup Strategies ### 1. Avoidance Avoidance is one of the most common breakup strategies. A man may reduce calls, stop initiating conversations, become emotionally unavailable, or avoid places where he expects to see his former partner. Sometimes distance is necessary for healing. Remaining in constant contact can reopen emotional wounds and make it harder for either person to adjust. The problem arises when avoidance replaces basic communication. Rather than clearly ending the relationship, some men gradually disappear and leave the other person wondering what happened. Avoidance is especially common when: - The emotional connection had already weakened - The man is uncomfortable with conflict - He fears the other person’s reaction - He feels guilty about ending things - He does not know how to explain his feelings - He believes distance will make the breakup less painful Unfortunately, silence often creates more confusion rather than less. ### 2. Truth Distortion Some men revise the story of the relationship after it ends. They may tell friends: > “I’m completely fine.” > “I never really loved her.” > “The relationship meant nothing to me.” These statements are not always accurate. Sometimes they are attempts to protect pride, reduce embarrassment, or reinforce an internal message of emotional invulnerability. The revised story may also be aimed at the ex: *You did not matter as much as you thought.* This kind of distortion can temporarily reduce pain, but it may prevent honest reflection. A relationship can have been meaningful and still need to end. Admitting that does not make a man weak. ### 3. Gradual Withdrawal of Support Another breakup approach involves slowly withdrawing emotional support. A man may become less available to listen, less interested in discussing problems, and less willing to provide comfort. He may still technically be in the relationship, but emotionally he has started leaving. This gradual withdrawal sometimes happens consciously. In other cases, the man may not fully recognize what he is doing. The message received by the partner is usually clear: *You are no longer emotionally important to me.* This strategy may function as an emotional shield. By creating distance before the official breakup, the man tries to reduce the impact of the final separation. Unfortunately, it can also leave the other person feeling abandoned while the relationship is still technically intact. ### 4. The Permanent Timeout A man may say: > “Maybe we need some space.” Sometimes a request for space is genuine. Couples occasionally need time to calm down, reflect, or decide what they want. But in other situations, “space” is a softer way of ending the relationship without saying so directly. The temporary break quietly becomes permanent. The ambiguity may allow the man to avoid guilt or an emotionally difficult conversation. It also leaves the other person waiting for a reunion that may never come. If someone asks for space, it is reasonable to clarify: - How long will the separation last? - Will you remain exclusive? - Will you communicate during the break? - What is the purpose of the time apart? - When will you revisit the relationship? Without clear expectations, a “timeout” can become prolonged emotional limbo. ### 5. Becoming a Jerk Some men deliberately become rude, argumentative, dismissive, or emotionally unpleasant. The goal may be to provoke the other person into ending the relationship. The unspoken message is: *I do not want to be the one who leaves, so I will make staying with me unbearable.* A man may also become hostile because he feels hurt and wants his former partner to hurt too. In some cases, the more intense the ugliness, the deeper the underlying shame or pain may be. Again, that explains nothing away. Being wounded does not grant permission to wound someone else. A man who behaves cruelly after a breakup still bears responsibility for his actions. ### 6. The Direct Breakup This approach is exactly what it sounds like: a clear and direct ending. A man may say: > “This relationship is no longer working for me, and I need to end it.” The conversation may occur in person, over the phone, or—especially in shorter relationships—through a carefully written message. A direct breakup can feel abrupt and painful, but it has one important advantage: There is little confusion about what is happening. Directness becomes unhealthy when it is unnecessarily cold or when the person refuses to answer any reasonable questions. Clarity and compassion can coexist. A respectful breakup does not require a lengthy debate, but it should acknowledge that the other person is human and that the relationship mattered. ### 7. Suggesting That Both People Date Others Some men use ambiguity to encourage a breakup. A typical comment might be: > “Maybe you should date someone else.” Or: > “I think we should both see what else is out there.” The underlying message may be: *I want permission to explore other options, but I do not want to take full responsibility for ending things.* Occasionally, couples genuinely agree to redefine a relationship. But if one person proposes dating others while the other still wants monogamy, the relationship has usually reached a major turning point. Do not assume that agreeing to an open arrangement will rescue a bond that one person has already emotionally left. ### 8. Justification Some men build a logical case for why the relationship must end. Examples include: > “We’ve become too dependent on each other.” > “I need to focus on my career.” > “I’m not ready for commitment.” > “You deserve someone better.” The explanation may be completely sincere. It may also be a way to make an emotional decision sound more rational, responsible, or unavoidable. Men who struggle with closeness may rely heavily on this strategy. When intimacy deepens, they begin identifying reasons the relationship cannot work. This can sometimes occur in [men who fear emotional intimacy](https://guycounseling.com/5-reasons-men-have-fear-of-intimacy/). Whether the explanation is accurate or not, the most important message is often the simplest one: He no longer wants to continue the relationship. ### 9. The Blame Game When conflict has become chronic, some men place the entire responsibility for the relationship’s failure on their partner. They may say: - “You were always too needy.” - “You drove me away.” - “Everything was fine until you changed.” - “This is entirely your fault.” Blame allows a person to avoid examining his own behavior. In some cases, the goal is to provoke enough conflict that ending the relationship feels inevitable. The term *gaslighting* is sometimes used too casually, but deliberate attempts to make a partner doubt her memory, perception, or sanity can be emotionally abusive. Most relationships end because of a complicated combination of choices, incompatibilities, wounds, and unmet needs. Even when one person behaved badly, meaningful healing requires an honest account of what happened—not a story designed entirely around innocence and guilt. ### 10. The Negotiated Goodbye The final approach is a negotiated ending. This happens when both people acknowledge that the relationship is no longer working and attempt to separate respectfully. They may discuss: - When one person will move out - How belongings will be returned - What to tell friends and family - Whether future contact is realistic - How shared finances will be handled - Arrangements involving pets or children - Boundaries around social media This approach requires emotional maturity and vulnerability. It tends to occur more often in longer relationships where both people have recognized for some time that the bond is ending. A negotiated goodbye does not eliminate grief. But it can reduce unnecessary confusion, cruelty, and resentment. ![man drinking coffee alone after a breakup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/cowboy-cofee.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why Do Guys Ghost Their Exes? When men have described their post-breakup plans to me, many have said they want to avoid drama. Translated, this often means: *I do not want to deal with strong emotions—mine or hers.* As a result, some men cut off all contact. They stop replying to messages, unfollow or block their former partner, and avoid mutual friends. In other words, they ghost. One man once told me: > “You have to cut her off like she’s dead. That’s the only way to do it.” For him, complete separation felt like the only way to resist returning to a relationship he knew was unhealthy. There are situations in which no contact can be appropriate, particularly when: - The relationship was abusive or unsafe - Boundaries are repeatedly ignored - Contact continually restarts the breakup cycle - One person is unable to accept that the relationship ended - Communication becomes threatening or harassing But disappearing without explanation from a meaningful relationship is usually painful and confusing. Whenever it is safe to do so, a direct message is more respectful: > “I do not think continued contact is healthy for me. I am going to step back and will not be responding for the foreseeable future.” That still establishes distance without pretending the other person never existed. ## Why Do Some Men Seem Indifferent? A variation of ghosting is emotional indifference. The man may answer necessary questions but speak in a flat, detached, or businesslike tone. This can feel deeply painful to the former partner. How can someone who once seemed loving suddenly sound like a stranger? Sometimes the indifference is genuine. The man may have emotionally disengaged long before the official breakup. Other times, it is a defensive performance. He may believe that showing sadness will give his former partner power, create false hope, or make it impossible for him to leave. Emotional numbness can also be part of grief. Not everyone feels the full impact immediately. A person may appear calm during the first few weeks and experience intense sadness months later. ## Why Do Some Men Enter a New Relationship Immediately? You may have noticed that some guys become attached to someone new almost immediately after a breakup. There can be many reasons: - He does not want to be alone with his feelings - He is uncomfortable with grief or loneliness - He wants reassurance that he is still desirable - He is trying to repair wounded self-esteem - He wants to prove something to his former partner - He had already emotionally left the old relationship - The new connection began before the previous relationship ended - He genuinely met someone he likes Men are not the only people who enter rebound relationships. Anyone can seek a new connection before fully processing the previous one. A rebound is not automatically doomed. Some new relationships develop into healthy, lasting bonds. The concern arises when the new partner is being used primarily as emotional anesthesia. If unresolved grief, betrayal, or anger remains buried, those feelings may eventually surface in the new relationship. The real issue is not how quickly someone begins dating. It is whether he has honestly examined what happened, accepted responsibility for his role, and developed the emotional availability needed to build something new. ## What About Men Who Go on a Hookup Tour? Yes, some men seek multiple sexual partners in the days or weeks following a breakup. One guy described it this way: > “I’m free now. I want to have as much fun as possible before I get serious again.” There can be several motivations behind post-breakup hookups: - A need to feel desired - An attempt to distract from emotional pain - A desire to reclaim freedom - Curiosity about missed experiences - A temporary boost to self-esteem - A wish to make an ex jealous - Boredom or loneliness - Genuine interest in casual sex Casual sex between consenting adults is not automatically unhealthy. For some men, it may provide pleasure, connection, novelty, or a renewed sense of confidence. The important question is whether the behavior is consistent with the man’s values and whether it leaves him feeling better or worse. Hookups may become problematic when they are used compulsively to avoid grief, when alcohol or drugs interfere with judgment, or when partners are misled about emotional intentions. Safe sex, informed consent, honest communication, and respect remain important. Physical contact can temporarily quiet loneliness, but it cannot resolve every emotional wound. Eventually, a man who wants to heal must be willing to look inward with honesty and self-compassion. One approach that may help is acceptance and commitment therapy, commonly called ACT. It encourages people to make room for difficult emotions while choosing actions that reflect their values. You can learn more from this guide to [acceptance and commitment therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/). ## Why Men Sometimes Feel Worse Months Later Not every man experiences the deepest grief immediately after a breakup. During the first few weeks, he may stay busy, feel relieved, enjoy new freedom, or focus on practical matters. The emotional impact may arrive later. This can happen after: - The excitement of dating wears off - Mutual friends stop checking in - Holidays or anniversaries arrive - He learns that his former partner has moved on - He returns to an empty home - The possibility of reconciliation disappears - He recognizes patterns he repeated in the relationship Delayed grief does not mean the man was pretending earlier. It may simply mean his mind initially protected him from feelings he was not ready to process. ## Healthy Ways Men Can Cope With a Breakup There is no single correct way to grieve a relationship. Still, some coping strategies are more likely than others to support genuine healing. ### Allow the Loss to Be Real You do not have to pretend the relationship meant nothing. A breakup can be the correct decision and still be painful. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, relief, or confusion without treating those emotions as evidence that you made a mistake. ### Talk to Someone You Trust Men often rely heavily on romantic partners for emotional support. When the relationship ends, they may suddenly have no one with whom they feel comfortable being vulnerable. Talk with a trusted friend, family member, mentor, therapist, or support group. You do not need to tell everyone. You do need at least one place where you can be honest. ### Create Reasonable Contact Boundaries Continually checking an ex’s social media can keep the nervous system activated. Consider muting, unfollowing, or temporarily blocking accounts if viewing them repeatedly makes healing harder. This is not necessarily punishment. It can be emotional first aid. ### Avoid Major Decisions During the Initial Shock Try not to make irreversible choices simply to escape pain. Be cautious about: - Quitting a job impulsively - Moving without a plan - Making large purchases - Entering a serious relationship immediately - Using alcohol or drugs heavily - Sending angry public messages Give your emotions time to settle. ### Maintain Basic Routines Breakups can disrupt sleep, appetite, exercise, and concentration. Focus on ordinary basics: - Eat regularly - Get outside - Move your body - Limit excessive drinking - Keep a reasonable sleep schedule - Continue showing up for essential responsibilities These habits will not erase grief, but they can make it more manageable. ### Reflect Without Obsessing Ask yourself useful questions: - What did this relationship teach me? - What needs of mine were met? - What needs were repeatedly ignored? - What did I contribute to the problems? - What warning signs did I overlook? - What would I do differently next time? Reflection becomes rumination when you repeatedly replay the same questions without reaching new insight. ### Seek Professional Help When Needed Breakup grief can occasionally develop into a more serious mental health concern. Consider speaking with a qualified professional if you experience: - Persistent hopelessness - Inability to function at work or home - Severe sleep disruption - Heavy alcohol or drug use - Compulsive or risky behavior - Thoughts of harming yourself or someone else - Anger that feels difficult to control Getting help is not a failure. It is one way of taking responsibility for your recovery. ## ![myths about men and breakups](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/erotic-hypnosis.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Myths About Men and Breakups There are many myths about how men respond when relationships end. Here are some of the most common. ### Myth: Men Do Not Feel Much After a Breakup Men can experience profound grief, rejection, shame, anger, and loneliness. The fact that a man does not express these emotions openly does not mean they are absent. ### Myth: Men Always Get Over Breakups Faster Some men recover quickly. Others carry unresolved pain for years. Healing depends on the person, the relationship, the circumstances of the breakup, and the support available afterward. ### Myth: Dating Someone New Means He Never Loved His Ex A new relationship does not automatically reveal what the previous one meant. People sometimes seek new connections precisely because the old loss hurts. ### Myth: Men Talk Honestly With Their Male Friends Some do. Others discuss the practical facts but avoid speaking about grief, rejection, shame, or longing. A man may tell his friends, “We broke up,” without saying, “I feel completely lost.” ### Myth: Alcohol Is How Most Men Cope Some men drink more after a breakup, but many rely on work, exercise, gaming, dating, socializing, isolation, or other distractions. Alcohol is only one possible coping mechanism. ### Myth: Hookups Prove He Has Moved On Sexual activity and emotional healing are not the same thing. A man can be physically intimate with someone new while still grieving his former relationship. ### Myth: If He Ended It, He Cannot Be Hurt The person who initiates the breakup may also experience grief. He may know that ending the relationship was necessary and still miss the person, the routine, the companionship, or the future they once imagined together. ## Bringing It All Together When a relationship ends, men can experience real and complicated pain. In the case of my friend Steve, it took several weeks before he recognized that his nonstop hookups were not simply about freedom. They were also helping him avoid sadness, guilt, rejection, and the loss of the future he had imagined. Once he understood that, he became more intentional about his choices. He slowed down, talked honestly about what happened, and began examining the patterns he had brought into the relationship. That did not make the breakup painless. It did help him learn from it. If you are a male reader, I hope this article helps you recognize that grief is not weakness. You do not have to hide every emotion or prove your value by immediately replacing the relationship. If you are reading as someone’s former partner, remember that confusing behavior may reflect pain—but pain does not excuse disrespect, manipulation, or abuse. Men deal with breakups in many different ways. Some withdraw. Some become angry. Some date immediately. Some remain single for a long time. Some cry privately and show up at work the next morning as though nothing happened. The healthiest response is not determined by how masculine or unaffected a man appears. It is determined by whether he can face what happened honestly, take responsibility for his actions, respect the other person’s boundaries, and move forward without using someone else as emotional medicine. Thanks for taking the time to stop by Guy Counseling. **References** Baxter, L. A. (1982). Strategies for ending relationships: Two studies. *Western Journal of Speech Communication*, 46, 223–241. Mosher, D. L., & Tomkins, S. S. (1988). Scripting the macho man: Hypermasculine socialization and enculturation. *The Journal of Sex Research*, 25(1), 60–84. Vilhauer, J. (2015). *This is why ghosting hurts so much.* Psychology Today. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Alpha Male, Breakups, Dating, Love, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [25 Truths About a Scorpio Man In Love and Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) **Published:** September 22, 2026 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![Scorpio men in love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-men-in-love-and-relationships.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio man in love and relationships Table of Contents Toggle - [The Scorpio man in love revealed](#The_Scorpio_man_in_love_revealed) - [1. He’s intense and passionate](#1_Hes_intense_and_passionate) - [2. He can sense your feelings and thoughts](#2_He_can_sense_your_feelings_and_thoughts) - [3. Super logical to a fault](#3_Super_logical_to_a_fault) - [4. He’s going to be obsessive](#4_Hes_going_to_be_obsessive) - [5. The men are very competitive](#5_The_men_are_very_competitive) - [6. He’s horribly jealous](#6_Hes_horribly_jealous) - [7. He’s also manipulative](#7_Hes_also_manipulative) - [8. He’s going to have body image issues](#8_Hes_going_to_have_body_image_issues) - [9. He needs to be in charge](#9_He_needs_to_be_in_charge) - [10. He’s going to be secretive and mysterious](#10_Hes_going_to_be_secretive_and_mysterious) - [11. He can be cool and emotionally distant](#11_He_can_be_cool_and_emotionally_distant) - [12. The guys are sexually dominant](#12_The_guys_are_sexually_dominant) - [13. Super protective to a fault](#13_Super_protective_to_a_fault) - [14. He has a memory of an elephant](#14_He_has_a_memory_of_an_elephant) - [15. He’s a caretaker](#15_Hes_a_caretaker) - [16. He’ll have back problems](#16_Hell_have_back_problems) - [17. He’s going to be brutally direct](#17_Hes_going_to_be_brutally_direct) - [18. He’ll be loyal to you](#18_Hell_be_loyal_to_you) - [19. He’s big on flirting](#19_Hes_big_on_flirting) - [20. Your man will be introverted](#20_Your_man_will_be_introverted) - [21. He will strangely be attracted to water](#21_He_will_strangely_be_attracted_to_water) - [22. Handle criticism with care](#22_Handle_criticism_with_care) - [23. Scorpio guys are good with money](#23_Scorpio_guys_are_good_with_money) - [24. He’ll have a brainy job](#24_Hell_have_a_brainy_job) - [25. Expect him to be fiercely independent](#25_Expect_him_to_be_fiercely_independent) - [Bonus: He’s going to love ALL of you](#Bonus_Hes_going_to_love_ALL_of_you) - [Scorpio Man In Love Poll](#Scorpio_Man_In_Love_Poll) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## **The Scorpio man in love revealed** Are you attracted to a **Scorpio man**? Trying to understand how a **Scorpio man** operates in **love and relationships**? Hoping to gain better insight into this **water sign**? If the answer is yes, you would not be alone. Many people are curious about Scorpios because for whatever reason, they are strangely attracted to them. Maybe this applies to you? My hope in penning this piece is to help you as a reader better understand the Scorpio mind. So much of what appears on the Internet about these men is confusing. And to keep it real, a lot of it is nonsense. **I should know – I’m a Scorpio man**. Over the course of my lifetime, I’ve spent countless hours studying ancient mysticism, including astrology. Like many other Scorpio men, I am eerily drawn to the supernatural. Long ago, I learned to accept this and not question *why*. But before continuing, I need to be upfront and share that I am not an astrologer nor a psychic. Instead, I’m just a guy who happens to be trained in psychology with deep knowledge about *psycho-spirituality*. If you are unfamiliar with that term, I will give you a quick definition. ![Scorpio Man dating, sex, and love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-Man-and-dating.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How do Scorpio men operate in relationships? [Psycho-spiritualism](http://psycnet.apa.org/buy/1999-00250-003) is a $10.00 word used to describe the blending of spirituality with modern psychology. The famous psychiatrist Carl Jung often infused aspects of astrology into his teachings as a pathway to self-insight. An example can be found in [dream interpretation](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/), where Jung used mysticism to help extract meaning (Jung, 1939). I’m sharing this with you for background information only as I have no hidden agenda. And so now that all the cards are on the table, let’s dive deep into 25 truths about Scorpio men in love and relationships. What follows is the real deal, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. ## 1. He’s intense and passionate Out of all 12 Zodiac signs, Scorpio is the most intense. There are a number of reasons for this and directly relate to the sign’s ruling planets: 1. Mars and 2. Pluto. Mars is considered “hot” because of its close proximity to the sun. Pluto is considered “cold” for its distance. When the polarities of both celestial bodies are combined, they vibe out alpha energy that is extremely intense. You will always know when you are in the presence of a Scorpio man because deep inside, you’ll feel him staring into your soul. If you’ve ever been attached to a Scorpio guy, you know this to be true. ## 2. He can sense your feelings and thoughts When a Scorpio man tunes into you, it’s a good bet he’ll know exactly what you are feeling. No, we don’t mind read. Although some do think the sign has supernatural abilities. What’s really going on is this – the men have a way of anticipating what you will say and intuitively sense your emotions without you ever speaking a word. This ability in part has something to do with Scorpio being a water sign. In simple-speak, **water signs are deep**. And here’s something you may not know. Scorpio is particularly empathic with Cancer and Pisces. That’s because all three are represented by the element of water. FYI: The scorpion species is considered an arachnid. That’s the scientific name for 8-legged animals called arthropods. For example, spiders are considered arachnids. Ever hear of the term “spidey senses” – as in Spider-Man? Now you know a little more about the whole intuition thing. **More:** [Why Scorpio and Cancer are compatible ](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/) ## 3. Super logical to a fault There’s no easy way to say it except to blurt it out. Scorpio men are extremely logical. Gifted with strong listening skills, they have the ability to analyze complicated issues and find solutions. This is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, they can compartmentalize their emotions focus like a laser on a particular issue. On the other hand, that focus often turns into a fixation. Some have compared this personality trait to Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) on Star Trek. In many ways, the analogy fits. Much depends on the situation. Speaking of fixation now would be a good time to explore the next trait. ## 4. He’s going to be obsessive All Scorpios (men and women) are obsessive. But in the case of guys, this characteristic is amplified – empowered by a high degree of anxiety. I’ve met many who have told me they struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Speaking only for myself, I can tell you that I personally live with OCD. At any rate, the good part of being obsessive is that goal attainment almost always happens. The bad part, however, is that in pursuit of a goal, we can often make life hell for the people around us – particularly a mate. ![what is it like to date a scorpio man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-Man-in-the-Universe.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What is it like loving a Scorpio man? ## 5. The men are very competitive This trait too can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. Generally speaking, Scorpios are highly competitive. Athletically inclined, they excel at various sports. The same holds true in other life areas, such as career and business. Much of this has to do with the previously mentioned trait of obsessiveness. The bad part is that Scorpios (particularly men) sometimes have a “win at any cost” mentality. In turn, this can cause them to make decisions that aren’t always wise – at least for the long- term. In romantic relationships, Scorpion men can be extremely aggressive. I’m mentioning this because that “win at any cost” approach can spell trouble, particularly if the guy becomes obsessed with you. This leads us to another characteristic – one you’ll really want to pay attention to. ## 6. He’s horribly jealous I hate to admit this but it’s true. Scorpios are highly jealous creatures. But here’s the thing – you won’t be able to tell because we’re experts at hiding our truth. The problem stems from being majorly territorial. In turn, this leads us to mistrust others. We can’t help it – it’s just part of who we are. If we sense you are interested in someone else, which isn’t hard for us to do, we begin crafting a plan of action. Often, those “plans” involve manipulation (see next point). ## 7. He’s also manipulative This is another terrible trait to admit but you want to know the real deal about this sign, right? The reality is that many of us can be highly manipulative. The reason? Simply to get what we want. That said, the manipulation doesn’t happen through nefarious means. Instead, it’s usually part of a general charm offensive that involves physical prowess and often, sex. Additionally, the manipulation stems (in part) as a reaction to the above-mentioned jealousy trait. ## 8. He’s going to have body image issues While not true for all, many Scorpion men struggle with body image issues. This makes sense when one considers that the male version of this sign places a high premium on how they look. And because of the obsessive trait we covered earlier, the body image issues often become amplified. If you pick this up in your man, the best thing you can do is gently reassure him he looks fine. In fact, it’s perfectly OK to tell him that he’s obsessing on the issue. Scorpios are well aware of how they tend to hyper-focus in unhealthy ways and are OK with reminders. Don’t, however, lie to him. Example: If he’s complaining he’s **gained weight and it’s obvious**, you are far better off encouraging him to stick with his fitness goals. Telling him something that isn’t true as a pacifier is not a good idea. Always remember **lying to a Scorpio is a deal breaker**. ## 9. He needs to be in charge Right or wrong, the Scorpio guy you like needs to be in charge. The men are born leaders and are usually very assertive and dominant. Teddy Roosevelt is an example of a [strong Scorpio male](https://guycounseling.com/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments/). This characteristic lends itself to different life areas. Think work, home, and the bedroom. That said, the guys do like partners who can make decisions. If you are passive, it’s probably not going to work. The one exception to this might be [someone who is Pisces](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/); a sign that struggles with indecisiveness. This is not to say they aren’t open to feedback. Scorpions often solicit advice from others and infuse alternative viewpoints into the decision making process. The key is to be a **willing and partner**. And while you may be the person who wears the pants in the relationship, it’s critical to make your Scorpion guy *think* he’s the one in charge. ![Scorpio man and why they are mysterious](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio-and-cancer-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio men by nature are mysterious ## 10. He’s going to be secretive and mysterious The easiest way to spot a Scorpio man is to look for the guy who is sporting a pair of sunglasses – even on cloudy days or at night. I’ve heard some women describe the males as “bad boys” because they vibe out highly sexual energy that is magnetically seductive. If you are noticing this trait in the man you are dating, here’s why. In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Scorpio falls under the eight house. This metaphysical structure holds a number of powers, including sensuality, sexuality, and mystery. Learn more about [Scorpio sign symbols here](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/). ## 11. He can be cool and emotionally distant Because the ice planet Pluto partially rules this sign, Scorpio often comes off to others as cool and distant. This is not intentional but instead, part of his persona. It doesn’t help things that the sign is so obsessive. In the case of men, this can cause them to get caught up in various activities. In turn, this can leave a mate feeling neglected. The best way to handle this issue is to gently let your man know he’s getting lost in whatever he’s fixated on. Because he’s intuitive, he’ll likely step back for a moment and reassess. But I’m going to level with you. If the man you are with is hyper-focused on something, you aren’t going to be able to stop it. All you can really do is ride it out and trust that it will pass. Just remember, that distance you feel doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. ## 12. The guys are sexually dominant One of the main reasons some women gravitate towards Scorpio men relates to rumors sex. The question is: *Are the rumors true?* The simple answer is – yes. If a Scorpion guy is attracted to you physically and the feeling is mutual, you can expect a highly passionate experience. The intensity of lovemaking becomes amplified if there is a strong emotional connection. There is one catch so listen up. Scorpio males do not like being dominated. It’s a major turn-off. It is [okay if you initiate](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/) things – in fact, that’s encouraged. But if you have an agenda, he’s going to pick up on it and shoot the whole thing down. ## 13. Super protective to a fault Once you enter into a relationship with this sign, you need to know the men can be super protective. They won’t allow anyone to disrespect their mate – not even a little bit. I’ve personally met Scorpion guys who have gotten into fights with other men because they said something offensive about their mate. A Scorpio man will do whatever it takes to protect the people he loves and will even put his own life at risk to ensure their safety. On some level, this may seem like an admirable trait. Just be careful because this characteristic can also get them into trouble. ## 14. He has a memory of an elephant When you enter into a relationship with a Scorpion dude, you need to know they have powerful memory banks (short and long term). They can recall the smallest detail of a situation, particularly the spoken word. I’m talking about right down to the inflection of your voice. Bear in mind, Scorpion memory is most powerful when there is a strong emotional connection. ![A Scorpio man is usually a caretaker](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/happy-couple.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio men prefer to be the caretakers ## 15. He’s a caretaker Many consider this trait to be a good thing. Generally speaking, that’s true. When you pair up with a Scorpion man, there’s a good chance he’ll want to nurture and support you. But the caretaking quality isn’t always desirable. That’s because the sign tends to over-care for a mate and it can manifest into controlling behaviors. In addition – and this applies to Scorpion men exclusively – they have a real hard time with a mate earning more money than they do. Awful thing to admit but it’s true. Go back to point number 8 and it will make sense. The truth is Scorpio **needs to be a caretaker** because it is an extension of their need to control. This can pose a real problem for other signs who are also caretakers, [such as Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/4-cancer-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/). ## 16. He’ll have back problems Most Scorpio men struggle with back problems, particularly in the lower lumbar region. The reason is simple. Because of their obsessive nature, they tend to hold stress and anxiety in the lower back. Sometimes, the pain can be crippling. If you want to get close to your man, offer occasional backrubs and massages. Not only will you touch upon one of his androgynous zones, you’ll also help him to release negative energy. ## 17. He’s going to be brutally direct An important thing to keep in mind when you are romantically involved with this sign is the men tend to be brutally direct. He will let you know exactly what’s on his mind. There will be no mincing of words and no passive-aggressive game playing. Many people find this to be a welcome trait. That said, if you happen to be the sensitive type, it may take some getting used to. When a Scorpio man is in love with you, he’s going to tell you straight out how he feels. Moreover, **you will be able to sense this deep inside**. His touch, voice, and general presence will intuitively speak to your heart. The key thing is to allow his emotions to unfold organically. It can’t be rushed or manipulated. If he picks up on you trying to snare him, he’s going to walk. ## 18. He’ll be loyal to you If you are looking for a man who will not cheat, bonding with a Scorpio guy is a good choice. After the initial period of mating and the emotional connection is locked, he’s yours. But there are a few caveats. First, he’s going to demand monogamy. Second, he’ll always be suspicious of you (even when there is no reason to be). It is just the nature of the sign and it can’t be changed. This is not to say the men don’t like to check out other women. They do – a lot. See the next point for more insight. ## 19. He’s big on flirting Even when he’s committed himself to you in the emotionally and physically, it doesn’t mean your man won’t have a wandering eye. He will. He’s also going to flirt. You may be wondering why? It’s simple. It’s all about Scorpio being born under the eight house of the Zodiac. In simple-speak, this metaphorical structure contains the twin vibrations of mystery and sexual energy. Translation: Scorpions (men and women) vibe out magnetic intrigue. It is their nature to flirt. Moreover, they like when other people check them out. ![Scorpio men are often introverted](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/young-man-mountain.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio men are usually introverted ## 20. Your man will be introverted This is not a sign that wants to steal the limelight or be the center of attention [like some Leo men do](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/). Instead, your Scorpio man will try to blend himself into the background, quietly and discretely. There, he will simply observe everything that is happening. That’s not to say the guys can’t be social. They can be. But if given a preference, they prefer a small, intimate groups over large crowds. This is a truth for all water signs. Reading a good book, watching a movie, or simply engaging in one on one dialogue with you is more than enough to satisfy him. ## 21. He will strangely be attracted to water Wondering where to go on vacation with your man? Trying to plan the perfect get-away? If so, it would be smart to arrange plans where water is present. Like a moth to a flame, Scorpios are drawn to the sea. This could be a lake, pond or the ocean. It doesn’t really matter. All you need to know is that water has a calming effect on him. Swimming, camping, and boating activities are all excellent choices. Water has a restorative effect on the guys and for reasons that I do not fully understand. ## 22. Handle criticism with care I’m just going to blurt it out. Scorpios aren’t the best at handling criticism. This doesn’t mean they aren’t open to feedback. They are. But it’s all about the delivery. When handled properly, your man will appreciate that you took the time to point out a behavior that needs adjustment. The best approach is to appeal to his logical side, using wisdom as your guide. Avoid attacking him when possible. Otherwise, you will get stung – badly. Some signs are naturally gifted in this area. Others not so much. For example, [Aquarius and Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-aquarius-compatibility/) can sometimes butt heads because of faulty communications. ## 23. Scorpio guys are good with money If you want to date a man who is good with money and makes smart financial decisions, Scorpio males are a smart choice. While it is true they are a feeling sign and prone impulsivity, this trait doesn’t extend to the world of finance. The hard truth is **this sign likes to hoard cash**. Not because they are cheap. Instead, it’s about money representing security and freedom. This is not to say the guys won’t buy you lavish gifts or trinkets. They absolutely will. But look for those behaviors during the mating phase when he’s trying to win you over. ## 24. He’ll have a brainy job Mentally, Scorpios like to be challenged. It’s all about solving mysteries, healing hurts and getting to the root of problems. Many are employed in careers such as healthcare, psychology, criminology, finance, and engineering. They usually make great salaries although monetary reward isn’t what motivates them. Instead, the Scorpion psyche needs to apply his analytical skills to feel whole. Money is, therefore, a byproduct of his efforts. ## 25. Expect him to be fiercely independent Perhaps more so than any other sign, **Scorpio men are super independent**. They absolutely detest the notion of someone taking care of them. The fastest way to turn one off is to get clingy. That’s a big no-no, particularly during the first few months of courtship. Some have suggested the sign is also stubborn. On some level, this may be true. But it’s really more about the guys not wanting to be controlled – by anyone. ## Bonus: He’s going to love ALL of you When a Scorpio man is in love with you, he will **love all of you**. This means the parts you want him to see and other parts you are trying to hide. If you have body image issues, he’ll understand. If you are struggling with challenges around self-esteem, he’ll be there for you and not judge. Feeling a bit depressed and need support? Yep, he’ll be right by your side. ## Scorpio Man In Love Poll Just for fun, I’ve included a poll that asks you describe the Scorpio man, based on your experience. ## Wrap Up Dating, bonding, and loving a **Scorpio man can be complicated**.  By nature, we aren’t the easiest creatures to get along with. Some accuse us of being self-absorbed narcissists. Others think we are “too much” to handle. For most of us, that’s just not the case. In truth, we’re just like anybody else. The only real difference is that we tend to love hard, hurt hard, and feel deeply. I hope you found the insight shared on this page useful. Thank you for stopping by. References: Jung, C. (1939). The integration of the personality. Oxford, England: Farrar & Rinehart.   **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Dating, scorpio --- ### [7 Dumb Behaviors Smart Men Don’t Do](https://guycounseling.com/7-dumb-behaviors-smart-men-dont-do/) **Published:** September 17, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![7 dumb behaviors smart men don't do guy at table](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/7-dumb-things-men-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Smart men do dumb things. I know I have. And if you’re being honest with yourself, you probably have too. Being intelligent doesn’t somehow make you immune from bad decisions, emotional blind spots, or behaviors that quietly work against your own best interests. In fact, sometimes being smart can make things worse because intelligent people can be incredibly good at coming up with explanations for why they keep doing things that aren’t working. So right up front, let me clarify something. When I use the word **“dumb”** in this article, I’m talking about the behavior. I’m not talking about the man. There’s a difference. You can be intelligent, successful, and accomplished and still find yourself repeating patterns that make your life harder than it needs to be. And after working with men for many years as a therapist, I can tell you that some of these patterns show up again and again. Here are seven dumb behaviors smart men don’t have to keep doing. ## 1. Staying in a Bad Relationship Because You’re Afraid to Be Alone There’s a big difference between going through a difficult period in a relationship and knowing, deep down, that the relationship simply isn’t working. Every couple has problems. People argue, sex lives change, money gets tight, stress happens, and partners disappoint each other. None of that automatically means you’re with the wrong person. But sometimes a guy knows something is fundamentally wrong and stays anyway. Why? Because being unhappy with somebody can feel less frightening than being alone.  There can also be a **sunk-cost mentality** involved. You’ve already invested five years, ten years, or twenty years. Maybe you share a home, have children, or your finances are intertwined. Maybe you’re simply terrified of starting over. **Related:** [How to say no and stop being the nice guy](https://guycounseling.com/say-no-without-guilt/) And sometimes there’s another reason: the relationship is familiar. Human beings have an interesting tendency to confuse **familiar with safe**. Something can be unhealthy and still feel strangely comfortable simply because you know how it works. That doesn’t mean you should pack your bags every time your relationship gets difficult. It does mean smart men don’t spend years pretending serious relationship problems don’t exist. They talk about them, set boundaries, consider couples counseling, and ask difficult questions. And sometimes they make difficult decisions. Being alone can be scary, but fear of being alone isn’t, by itself, a good reason to remain somewhere you’re deeply unhappy. ## 2. Using Booze, Weed, Porn, Food, or Screens to Avoid Your Shit Let me be clear about something. Having a beer doesn’t mean you have a drinking problem. Watching Netflix doesn’t mean you’re avoiding your life. Eating a cheeseburger doesn’t mean you’re emotionally eating. And looking at porn doesn’t automatically mean you have some kind of addiction. The better question is this: **What are you using it for?** There’s a difference between doing something because you enjoy it and doing something because you desperately don’t want to feel something else. That’s where avoidance can creep in. Maybe work was horrible, so you come home and immediately start drinking. Maybe you’re lonely, so you spend three hours scrolling through social media. Maybe you’re anxious, so you get high every night because it’s the only way you know how to shut your brain off. Or maybe you’re depressed, so you disappear into gaming for six hours because the virtual world feels better than the real one. None of this makes you weak, but it’s worth getting curious about. Ask yourself a simple question: **Am I enjoying this, or am I escaping into it?** Sometimes the answer will be a little bit of both. The problem with repeatedly using something to escape uncomfortable emotions is that you never really learn how to deal with those emotions. Eventually, the thing you use to escape can create problems of its own. Smart men learn how to sit with discomfort. They talk to somebody, exercise, journal, go to therapy, solve what can be solved, and learn how to tolerate what can’t. You don’t need to eliminate every pleasure from your life. But you probably don’t want your coping strategy quietly becoming another problem you have to cope with. ## 3. Staying Miserable at Work Without Making a Plan to Change It There’s a lot of career advice floating around that basically says: **Quit your job. Follow your passion. Start a business. Chase your dream.** That sounds wonderful until the mortgage is due. Sometimes you work a job because you need the paycheck. You have health insurance, kids, debt, and responsibilities. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being practical. In fact, taking care of your responsibilities is something to be proud of. But there’s another extreme that can become a problem. That’s spending year after year in a job you absolutely hate while doing nothing to create another option. You complain about your boss. You dread Sunday night. You wake up Monday morning already pissed off. You fantasize about leaving. Then another year passes. And another. Smart men don’t necessarily quit. **They plan.** Maybe that means taking a class at night, updating your résumé, or applying for one job every week. Maybe it means learning a new skill, quietly building a side business, or looking around your current company to see whether another position might be a better fit. You don’t have to blow up your life to change direction. **Sometimes the smartest moves are slow moves.** The important thing is that you’re moving. ## 4. Complaining About the Same Problem Without Doing Anything About It I’m going to say something that may surprise you coming from a therapist: complaining isn’t always bad. Sometimes you need to bitch. Sometimes something genuinely sucks and you need five minutes to say, “This is bullshit.” Sometimes talking about a problem helps us process what happened. And sometimes we don’t need advice at all. We just need another human being to witness what we’re going through. That’s normal. But there’s a difference between venting and **building a home inside the complaint**. You probably know somebody who has been complaining about the exact same problem for years. Same job, same relationship, same family conflict, same financial problem, same friendship. Same complaint. And every possible solution gets rejected. Have you tried talking to them? *Won’t work.* Have you thought about looking for another job? *Can’t.* What about getting some help? *Nope.* Eventually you have to ask yourself a difficult question: **Do I want this problem to change, or do I just want to keep talking about it?** You may not be able to control the entire situation, but there’s usually something you can control. A conversation, a boundary, a phone call, an application, an appointment, or a decision. Smart men give themselves permission to complain. Then eventually they ask: **Okay. What am I going to do about it?** ## 5. Quitting Every Time Something Gets Difficult Starting something feels good. You’re excited, you’re motivated, and you can picture the outcome. Then comes the part nobody puts in the motivational video. It gets boring. Or difficult. Or frustrating. Progress slows down, you screw something up, somebody criticizes you, and suddenly that shiny new goal doesn’t feel quite as exciting anymore. So you quit. Then six months later you start something else and quit that too. Here’s why I think this matters. Every time you make a promise to yourself and repeatedly abandon it, you may start weakening something incredibly important: **trust in yourself.** Think about it. If somebody constantly told you they were going to do something and never followed through, eventually you’d stop believing them. The same thing can happen internally. You tell yourself you’re going to get in shape, and you quit. You tell yourself you’re going to finish the degree, and you quit. You tell yourself you’re going to work on your relationship, and you quit. Eventually some part of you starts saying, *Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard this before.* That doesn’t mean smart men never quit. Sometimes quitting is exactly the right decision. There’s no prize for spending ten years pursuing something that clearly isn’t working simply because you’re afraid of being called a quitter. Smart men learn the difference between **quitting because something is difficult** and **changing direction because something no longer makes sense**. Sometimes you persist. Sometimes you pivot. The important thing is knowing why you’re doing either one. ## 6. Saying Yes When You Really Mean No Have you ever agreed to something and immediately regretted it? Sure, I can help. Sure, I can stay late. Sure, I can lend you the money. Sure, I can come over. Sure, I can take care of that. Meanwhile, everything inside you is screaming: **I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS.** A lot of men think people pleasing means being weak or submissive. It doesn’t always look like that. Sometimes it looks like being the dependable guy. The guy everybody calls. The guy who fixes things. The guy who never lets anybody down. That can feel pretty good until it doesn’t. Because repeatedly saying yes when you mean no can eventually create resentment. And here’s the uncomfortable part. Sometimes we blame other people for that resentment even though we never actually told them no. They asked. We agreed. Then we got angry because they should have somehow known we didn’t really want to do it. That’s not fair to them, and it’s not fair to you. Boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re about being honest about what you can and cannot give. Sometimes saying no disappoints people, and that’s okay. **Another person’s disappointment is uncomfortable. It isn’t necessarily an emergency.** Smart men understand that saying no to something can sometimes be the only way to say yes to the things that actually matter. ## 7. Trying to Handle Everything Alone There’s a particular kind of independence that gets rewarded in men. Handle it yourself. Don’t complain. Figure it out. Keep moving. And there are times when that mindset can be incredibly useful. You should be able to solve problems. You should develop resilience. You should learn how to tolerate discomfort without immediately expecting somebody else to rescue you. But **independence and isolation are not the same thing.** Eventually every man runs into something he can’t muscle through by himself. Maybe it’s grief, addiction, anxiety, a relationship problem, money, or fatherhood. Maybe you simply reach a point where you don’t know what the hell you’re doing next. Smart men ask for help. Confident men do too. **Related:** [How to be a confident man with high self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) That help doesn’t have to come from some stereotypical “brotherhood.” Maybe it’s your partner, a friend, your dad, your brother or sister, a mentor, a therapist, or a support group. The important thing is having people in your life with whom you can occasionally drop the performance and tell the truth. There’s a strange belief some men carry that needing another person somehow makes them less independent. I see it differently. Knowing when you need help is part of knowing yourself. And there’s nothing particularly strong about drowning quietly because you were too proud to grab the life preserver. ## Smart Men Still Do Dumb Things If you recognized yourself somewhere in this list, good. That doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you’re human. I’ve made some of these mistakes myself, and I’d be suspicious of anybody who claims they haven’t. The goal isn’t to become some perfectly optimized man who wakes up at 4:30 every morning, drinks a green smoothie, meditates for an hour, makes millions of dollars, and never screws anything up. That guy mostly exists on social media. Real growth is usually much less glamorous. It’s noticing a pattern, being honest about it, and then making one different decision. Maybe you finally have the conversation you’ve been avoiding. Maybe you look at what you’ve been using to escape. Maybe you update your résumé. Maybe you stop complaining and make the phone call. Maybe you finish something. Maybe you finally say no. Or maybe you tell somebody, **“I could use some help.”** None of those things will magically transform your life overnight. But repeated over time, small decisions have a funny way of becoming a life. And sometimes being a smart man isn’t about knowing more. **It’s about finally doing something with what you already know.** — Related: Visit our [Men’s Books page](https://guycounseling.com/books-for-men/) for more men’s focused reading. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** asking for help, bad habits, career satisfaction, emotional avoidance, men's self help, men’s mental health, People Pleasing, personal growth for men, Relationships, self-confidence, self-improvement for men, setting boundaries, smart men, toxic behaviors --- ### [How to Be a More Confident Man: 10 Practical Steps](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) **Published:** September 13, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![confidence building for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/self-confidence.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) If you’ve ever wondered how some men walk into a room and just seem *settled* in themselves, you’re not imagining it — and you’re not missing some gene they have and you don’t. Confidence is a skill, not a personality trait you were or weren’t born with. Most men question themselves at some point. The ones who look confident have usually just done more work on it than the ones who don’t. This guide breaks down what confidence actually is, why so many men struggle with it, and ten practical steps you can start using today — no personality overhaul required. **Quick Summary:** Confidence isn’t about eliminating self-doubt — it’s about trusting yourself enough to act despite it. Self-esteem, self-concept, and confidence are related but different. Building all three takes repeated small actions, not one big mindset shift. Table of Contents Toggle - [What Confidence Really Means for Men](#What_Confidence_Really_Means_for_Men) - [Confidence vs. Self-Esteem vs. Self-Concept](#Confidence_vs_Self-Esteem_vs_Self-Concept) - [Why Many Men Struggle With Confidence](#Why_Many_Men_Struggle_With_Confidence) - [10 Practical Steps to Become a More Confident Man](#10_Practical_Steps_to_Become_a_More_Confident_Man) - [1. Build trust with yourself](#1_Build_trust_with_yourself) - [2. Stop letting old criticism run the show](#2_Stop_letting_old_criticism_run_the_show) - [3. Learn from mistakes without making them your identity](#3_Learn_from_mistakes_without_making_them_your_identity) - [4. Know your strengths](#4_Know_your_strengths) - [5. Practice gratitude without pretending everything is fine](#5_Practice_gratitude_without_pretending_everything_is_fine) - [6. Change your self-talk](#6_Change_your_self-talk) - [7. Accept that growth requires change](#7_Accept_that_growth_requires_change) - [8. Believe you are allowed to want a good life](#8_Believe_you_are_allowed_to_want_a_good_life) - [9. Take care of your body and appearance](#9_Take_care_of_your_body_and_appearance) - [10. Own your imperfections without making them your brand](#10_Own_your_imperfections_without_making_them_your_brand) - [Recommended Books for Building Confidence](#Recommended_Books_for_Building_Confidence) - [The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem](#The_Six_Pillars_of_Self-Esteem) - [The Confidence Gap](#The_Confidence_Gap) - [No More Mr. Nice Guy](#No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy) - [Confidence Is Not Arrogance](#Confidence_Is_Not_Arrogance) - [When Low Confidence Becomes a Bigger Issue](#When_Low_Confidence_Becomes_a_Bigger_Issue) - [Practical Confidence Exercises for Men](#Practical_Confidence_Exercises_for_Men) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## What Confidence Really Means for Men Confidence gets treated like a costume — something you put on before a big meeting or a first date. It’s really closer to a muscle. It’s built through repetition: making a decision, living with the outcome, and trusting yourself a little more the next time. Real confidence isn’t the absence of doubt. Plenty of confident men still feel nervous before a presentation or unsure before a hard conversation. The difference is they don’t let that doubt run the show. They act anyway, and that’s what actually builds the trait people notice from the outside. ## Confidence vs. Self-Esteem vs. Self-Concept These three words get used interchangeably, but they aren’t the same thing, and knowing the difference actually matters if you’re trying to work on yourself with any precision. | Term | Definition | |---|---| | Self-Confidence | Trust in your own judgment and decision-making ability. | | Self-Esteem | An emotional evaluation of your own worth. | | Self-Concept | The collection of beliefs you hold about who you are. | You can think of it this way: self-concept is the picture, self-esteem is how you feel about the picture, and confidence is whether you’re willing to act based on that picture. Working on one without the others gets you only partway there. ## Why Many Men Struggle With Confidence Most men who come into my office assuming they have a “confidence problem” actually have an old-criticism problem. Somewhere along the way — a coach, a parent, an ex, a boss — someone’s harsh assessment of them got filed away as fact instead of opinion. It never got re-examined. It just sat there, quietly running the show. Add to that the cultural pressure on men to appear unbothered at all times, and you get a lot of guys who’ve never actually learned how to build confidence — because admitting they needed to work on it felt like its own kind of failure. That silence is exactly why confidence issues in men tend to go untreated far longer than they should. ## 10 Practical Steps to Become a More Confident Man None of these require a personality transplant. They’re small, repeatable actions that compound over time. ### 1. Build trust with yourself Confidence starts with believing you can make sound decisions — not perfect ones, sound ones. Every time you follow through on something you told yourself you’d do, you’re making a small deposit into that trust account. Most men try to build confidence from the outside in. It actually works the other way. ### 2. Stop letting old criticism run the show That comment your old coach made, the thing your dad said once — it may still be playing in the background of your decisions without you realizing it. Start noticing when a critical thought shows up and asking a simple question: *is this actually true today, or is it just old and loud?* [![confident man 2](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/confident-man-2.jpg?resize=640%2C421&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/confident-man-2.jpg?ssl=1) ### 3. Learn from mistakes without making them your identity Everyone makes mistakes. The confident guys aren’t the ones who avoid them — they’re the ones who don’t let one bad decision become a permanent label. Ask what the mistake taught you, extract that, and set the rest down. ### 4. Know your strengths Most men can list their flaws instantly and struggle to name three things they’re actually good at. That imbalance skews your whole self-concept. Sit down and write out your intellectual, physical, and personal strengths — on paper, not just in your head. ### 5. Practice gratitude without pretending everything is fine Gratitude isn’t about ignoring what’s hard in your life. It’s about not letting the hard stuff be the only thing you can see. Naming what’s actually going right, even briefly, keeps your self-esteem from being hostage to your worst day. ### 6. Change your self-talk Pay attention to how you talk to yourself when you mess up. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. This isn’t about empty affirmations — it’s about basic fairness in how you treat the person you spend the most time with: you. ![confident man 3](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/confident-man-3.jpg?resize=640%2C393&ssl=1)Building higher self-esteem takes repetition, not a single breakthrough moment. ### 7. Accept that growth requires change You are not the same man you were five years ago, and you won’t be the same man five years from now. Confident men treat that as an opportunity rather than a threat. What are you actually doing right now — physically, mentally, in your relationships — to move in a direction you want? ### 8. Believe you are allowed to want a good life Some men quietly believe that wanting more — a better job, a better relationship, more peace of mind — is somehow greedy or naive. It isn’t. Wanting a good life and believing you’re allowed to have one is part of healthy self-concept, not arrogance. ### 9. Take care of your body and appearance This isn’t about vanity. Movement, sleep, and basic upkeep of how you look and feel all feed directly into self-esteem. It’s hard to feel grounded in yourself when you’re running on empty. If you haven’t looked at your daily habits in a while, a [simple skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) is a low-effort place to start. ### 10. Own your imperfections without making them your brand Every man has flaws. The trap is either hiding them completely or leaning on them so hard they become your whole identity (“I’m just an anxious person,” “I’ve always been bad with money”). Neither is confidence. The middle ground — acknowledging a flaw without being defined by it — is where the real work happens. ## Recommended Books for Building Confidence Books are not a replacement for therapy, coaching, or doing the hard work of changing daily habits. But the right book can give you language, structure, and practical exercises for building confidence over time. Below are three books that may be helpful for men who want to strengthen self-esteem, reduce approval-seeking, and take more grounded action in life. **Amazon disclosure:** Guy Counseling participates in the Amazon Associates Program and may earn from qualifying purchases, at no extra cost to you. ### The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem **By Nathaniel Branden** This classic book is a strong choice for men who want to better understand self-esteem from the inside out. It focuses on practices such as self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purpose, and personal integrity. **Best for:** Men who want deeper self-esteem work and are willing to reflect honestly on how they think, act, and live. [View on Amazon](The%20Six%20Pillars%20of%20Self-Esteem) ### The Confidence Gap **By Russ Harris** This book is useful if you keep waiting to feel confident before taking action. Based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ideas, it can help you relate differently to fear, self-doubt, and negative thoughts. **Best for:** Men who overthink, avoid risks, or hold back because they do not feel ready enough yet. [View on Amazon](The%20Confidence%20Gap) ### No More Mr. Nice Guy **By Robert A. Glover** This book may be helpful for men who struggle with approval-seeking, resentment, weak boundaries, or trying to be liked at the expense of being honest. Read it with discernment, but the core themes can be useful. **Best for:** Men who want to become more assertive, direct, and honest in relationships and daily life. [View on Amazon](No%20More%20Mr.%20Nice%20Guy) [![confident man rock climbing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/rock-climbing-146534_640.png?resize=517%2C441&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/rock-climbing-146534_640.png?ssl=1) ## Confidence Is Not Arrogance Confident men don’t need to dominate a room to know their own worth. Arrogance is usually compensation for shaky self-esteem — it’s loud because it doesn’t trust itself to be quiet. Real confidence tends to look calmer than people expect. One of the clearest markers of grounded confidence is that a man doesn’t need to diminish anyone else to feel good about himself. If your version of confidence depends on someone else feeling smaller, it isn’t confidence — it’s insecurity wearing a costume. ## When Low Confidence Becomes a Bigger Issue For most men, confidence is something you build gradually with the steps above. But sometimes what looks like a confidence problem is actually something deeper — chronic anxiety, depression, or the lingering effects of a difficult relationship or work environment. If self-doubt is constant, if it’s affecting your relationships or your ability to function day to day, that’s worth talking to someone about rather than trying to white-knuckle through alone. | Signs of Grounded Confidence | Signs Worth Addressing | |---|---| | Comfortable making decisions, even imperfect ones | Constant second-guessing that affects daily function | | Can take feedback without spiraling | Feedback triggers shame or withdrawal for days | | Self-talk is fair, even when critical | Persistent, harsh internal narrative | If several of those right-column patterns sound familiar, it may be worth exploring further with a therapist rather than trying to self-diagnose from a blog post. ## ![confident black man ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Practical Confidence Exercises for Men If you want something more active than reading, here’s a short podcast episode on combating negative self-talk — one of the fastest ways to start shifting your internal narrative: A few more exercises worth trying this week: - **The strengths list.** Write down ten things you’re actually good at. No qualifiers, no “but.” - **The mirror check.** Say one true, positive thing about yourself out loud each morning for a week. - **The decision log.** Track five decisions you made this week and how they turned out. Most go better than feared. - **The old-tape rewrite.** Write down one piece of old criticism that still bothers you, then write a fairer, current version of it. If you find yourself under constant pressure and want a more structured, ongoing approach, [life coaching](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) can be a useful complement to this kind of work. **Related:** [10 Ways Successful People Handle Stress](https://guycounseling.com/stress-management-success/) ## Frequently Asked Questions **Is low confidence the same as low self-esteem?** They’re related but not identical. Self-esteem is how you feel about your worth; confidence is how willing you are to act despite doubt. You can have decent self-esteem and still struggle with confidence in specific situations, like public speaking. **Can confidence actually be learned, or is it fixed?** It can absolutely be learned. Confidence is built through repeated action and follow-through, not through a personality shift. Small, consistent decisions build it over time. **Why do I feel confident in some areas of life but not others?** Confidence is often situational and built through direct experience. It’s normal to feel solid at work but shaky in dating, or vice versa, because those are different skill sets with different histories behind them. **When should I talk to someone instead of working on this alone?** If self-doubt is constant, affecting your relationships, or tied to anxiety or depression that isn’t lifting, it’s worth talking to a therapist rather than trying to manage it solo. **Does physical appearance actually affect confidence?** Yes, to a degree. Basic self-care and physical upkeep influence how you feel day to day, but it’s a supporting factor, not the foundation. The internal work matters more. ## Final Thoughts Confidence isn’t a switch you flip. It’s built the same way strength is — through repetition, over time, with the occasional setback along the way. Pick one or two of the ten steps above and work on them this week. Not all ten at once. Confidence built slowly tends to hold up a lot better than confidence chased quickly. Thank you for stopping by Guy Counseling. Be sure to stop by our [men’s bookstore](https://guycounseling.com/books-for-men/) for more reading on confidence and self-esteem **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** confidence self-esteem men’s confidence self-improvement self-talk personal growth masculinity emotional resilience confidence tips for men how to be confident --- ### [I’m Insecure About My Penis Size. What Do I Do?](https://guycounseling.com/insecure-about-penis-size/) **Published:** August 8, 2026 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![man feeling insecure about his size](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/man-struggling-with-size-issues.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## “IS THIS NORMAL, OR IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?” ### HIS QUESTION *Dear Jack,* *I’m embarrassed to even write this, but I’m insecure about my size. I’ve avoided dating, I compare myself to other guys, and I worry that a woman will be disappointed. People always say size doesn’t matter, but I don’t really believe it. How do I get past this?* *-Worried and Avoiding* ### THE ANSWER Hi, WA, First, I’m glad you asked the question. A lot of men carry this exact worry but never say it out loud. They joke around, act confident, or avoid the topic completely. But privately, the fear sits there and messes with dating, confidence, and self-worth. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone. This is one of the most common things men quietly struggle with — and **rarely admit to anyone**, including themselves. I’m including a recent podcast on this topic because it perfectly fits what you’re talking about. You can also [use this link.](https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/42828395) ## THIS COMES UP MORE THAN YOU THINK I asked a men’s therapist about this topic recently, because it comes up behind closed doors more than most guys realize. Here’s the thing he pointed out: size insecurity is often not really about anatomy at all. **It becomes a stand-in for other things — fear of rejection, shame, questions about masculinity**, comparison, body image, the fear of not being enough, old teasing or humiliation, and anxiety about dating or intimacy in general. In other words, the number on the tape measure isn’t usually the real issue. It’s everything that number has come to represent in your head. ## THE COMPARISON TRAP IS BRUTAL Part of what makes this so hard is that men rarely get honest, calm conversations about bodies. Instead, we get porn, locker-room myths, social media, jokes, and exaggerated claims online — all of it distorting what “normal” actually looks like. Porn in particular can quietly warp expectations, not because anyone sits down and decides to believe it, but because repeated exposure to an unrepresentative sample starts to feel like the baseline. Add in a culture of jokes and bragging, and it’s easy for a completely normal body to start feeling inadequate by comparison to a standard that was never real to begin with. ## STOP TRYING TO SOLVE SHAME WITH MEASURING Here’s something I want you to sit with: **measuring repeatedly rarely creates peace.** Checking forums for comparison or reassurance tends to make the anxiety worse, not better. Reassurance might calm you down for five minutes, but the worry always comes back, because reassurance was never the actual fix. This becomes a loop — worry, check, temporary relief, worry again. If you keep going back to the same measuring tape, the tape isn’t the real problem anymore. The anxiety loop is. The real task isn’t getting a different number. It’s reducing the power the fear has over you. ## DO NOT FALL FOR SIZE-FIX SCAMS I want to be direct about this one, because it matters. When a guy feels ashamed, he becomes easier to sell to. Be careful with anyone promising a dramatic fix — pills, miracle supplements, risky devices, extreme routines, unverified methods. A lot of that marketing is built entirely on shame, and it preys on exactly the fear we’re talking about here. If you have a genuine medical concern, talk with a qualified medical professional. That’s a completely different conversation than clicking on an ad that promises results in two weeks. ## WHAT PARTNERS USUALLY NOTICE MORE Most people don’t want a partner who apologizes for his body before the relationship even has a chance to breathe. What they actually notice is confidence, attentiveness, emotional presence, communication, comfort, and trust. Someone who is present, kind, attentive, and comfortable in his own skin reads as far more attractive than someone who’s technically “perfect” on paper but can’t stop assuming rejection before it happens. This isn’t about pretending the insecurity doesn’t exist — it’s about not leading with it. ## IF YOU’RE DATING, DON’T LEAD WITH AN APOLOGY One pattern I see a lot: men pre-reject themselves before anyone else gets the chance. That can look like avoiding dating altogether, canceling plans, assuming humiliation is coming, over-disclosing too early, making self-deprecating jokes, or seeking reassurance before any trust has actually been built. My advice — don’t confess this insecurity to every new date. Don’t apologize for your body. Let connection build first. If a relationship becomes intimate and real trust exists, you can talk about it honestly and simply at that point. But it doesn’t need to be the headline before you’ve even had a second date. ## HOW TO TALK ABOUT IT WITHOUT MAKING IT BIGGER If and when it does make sense to say something to a partner, keep it simple. Something like: > “This is a little uncomfortable to say, but I’ve had some body-image insecurity around size. I’m working on not letting it run the show, but I wanted to be honest with you.” That’s it. This is optional, and it only matters in the context of an actual relationship — not something to lead with on a first date. And to be clear, your partner’s job isn’t to become your therapist. A brief, honest sentence is enough. ## BUILD CONFIDENCE AROUND THE WHOLE MAN This is where you actually have control. Confidence isn’t about pretending you have no insecurity — it’s about building enough self-respect that one insecurity doesn’t get to run the entire room. That means paying attention to grooming, fitness, posture, and clothing that actually fits. It means working on emotional steadiness, humor, kindness, ambition, reliability, and communication. It means reducing comparison where you can, and generally building a life that makes you feel solid — because a guy with a strong sense of self carries himself differently than a guy who’s constantly bracing for judgment. ## WHEN THE WORRY IS TAKING OVER If this worry is taking over your dating life, mood, or sense of worth, that’s a good sign to talk it through with someone qualified. Not because you’re broken, but because you don’t have to keep wrestling with it alone. If it’s driving significant distress, avoidance, anxiety, [depression](https://guycounseling.com/male-depression/), or obsessive checking, a therapist can help you actually untangle it instead of just managing it day to day. ## WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK - Stop checking forums for reassurance. - Take a break from adult video or other comparison triggers. - Stop measuring for a while. - Write down what the fear actually says, in its own words. - Pick one [confidence-building habit](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) and start it this week. - If you’re dating, don’t cancel plans because of this fear. - If the worry feels obsessive, talk to a professional. ## FINAL THOUGHTS You are not alone in this. This insecurity is far more common than the silence around it would suggest. You don’t need a fake promise or a miracle product, and you don’t need to let one fear define your masculinity. Confidence can be rebuilt — not by changing your body, but by changing your relationship to the fear. Your worth was never really about a measurement in the first place. --- ## FAQ ### Is it normal to feel insecure about penis size? Yes. It’s one of the most common, least-discussed insecurities men carry. Feeling it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you — it means you’re human, and you’ve absorbed a lot of noise from a culture that rarely talks about this honestly. ### Why do men worry so much about penis size? For a lot of guys, it’s less about anatomy and more about what size has come to represent — masculinity, adequacy, fear of rejection, and comparison. Those associations get built up over years, often starting with teasing, porn, or locker-room talk. ### Can watching adult type videos make penis-size insecurity worse? According to [research](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2158244019857341?), it can. Repeated exposure to an unrepresentative sample can quietly distort what feels “normal,” even if you know intellectually that it isn’t realistic. ### Should I tell my girlfriend I’m insecure about my size? Only if the relationship has real trust and it feels relevant. A short, honest sentence is usually enough — you don’t need to over-explain, and it’s not something to lead with early on. ### What if I avoid dating because of penis-size anxiety? That’s a sign the fear has gotten bigger than the actual issue. Avoidance tends to reinforce anxiety over time rather than resolve it, so it’s worth addressing directly — including with a professional if it’s significantly affecting your life. ### Do penis enlargement pills work? Most marketed “fixes” are unverified and prey on shame rather than offering real results. If you have a genuine medical concern, talk to a doctor instead of trusting an ad. ### When should I talk to a doctor? If you have a specific medical concern — pain, changes in function, or anything physical that worries you — a doctor is the right person to evaluate that, not a forum or a supplement website. ### When should I talk to a therapist? If the worry is affecting your mood, your dating life, your self-worth, or if it’s become obsessive (constant checking, constant reassurance-seeking), that’s a good sign to bring it to a qualified mental health professional. ### How can I build confidence if I feel insecure about my body? Focus on the things you can actually build: grooming, fitness, how you carry yourself, emotional steadiness, communication, and reliability. Confidence isn’t the absence of insecurity — it’s not letting one insecurity run the whole show. --- *Think you could use some dating tips? Email Ask Jack at askus@guycounseling.com* **Categories:** Ask Jack, Mind **Tags:** Ask Jack, dating anxiety, male body image, men’s confidence, penis size insecurity, Self-Worth --- ### [First Time Bottoming: 10 Practical Tips for Gay Men](https://guycounseling.com/first-time-bottoming-tips-gay-men/) **Published:** September 8, 2026 **Author:** Rico Woods **Content:** ![Confident man in black shirt for article about intimacy and sexual wellness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/first-time-bottoming-tips-gay-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) *Adult content notice: This article is intended for readers 18 and older. It discusses intimacy, sexual wellness, safer sex, and first-time bottoming for gay men in an educational way.* **Affiliate disclosure:** This article may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling earns from qualifying purchases. Product links are included for reader convenience and do not change the price you pay. If you are curious about bottoming for the first time, you are not alone. A lot of gay men wonder what to expect, how to prepare, whether it will hurt, what supplies they need, and how to talk with a partner without feeling awkward. Some guys are excited. Some are nervous. Some are not sure if they even want to try it but feel pressure because they think bottoming is something they are “supposed” to do. Let’s clear that up right away: you do not have to bottom to be gay. You do not have to like bottoming to be attractive, masculine, experienced, or confident. Bottoming is one possible part of sexual intimacy between men. For some, it is pleasurable and meaningful. For others, it is not their thing. Both are normal. We’re including a podcast episode that relates to this topic below. Feel free to give it a listen. This guide is written for adult gay men who want practical, respectful information about first-time bottoming. The goal is not to make the experience sound mysterious or intimidating. The goal is to help you think through readiness, consent, communication, comfort, safer sex, and preparation in a grounded way. There is a lot of loud advice online about anal sex. Some of it is useful. Some of it is exaggerated. Some of it makes men feel like they need to perform instead of pay attention to their bodies. That is not the approach here. Think of this as a calm, realistic guide from one man to another. **Health note:** This article is for general education only and is not medical advice. If you have pain, bleeding, digestive concerns, STI symptoms, questions about HIV prevention, or worries about sexual health, talk with a qualified healthcare professional. ## First Time Bottoming Starts Before the Bedroom Table of Contents Toggle - [First Time Bottoming Starts Before the Bedroom](#First_Time_Bottoming_Starts_Before_the_Bedroom) - [10 Practical First Time Bottoming Tips for Gay Men](#10_Practical_First_Time_Bottoming_Tips_for_Gay_Men) - [1. Ask Yourself Why You Want to Bottom](#1_Ask_Yourself_Why_You_Want_to_Bottom) - [2. Choose the Right Partner, Not Just the Right Moment](#2_Choose_the_Right_Partner_Not_Just_the_Right_Moment) - [3. Talk About Consent Before Things Get Physical](#3_Talk_About_Consent_Before_Things_Get_Physical) - [4. Get Comfortable With Your Body First](#4_Get_Comfortable_With_Your_Body_First) - [5. Use Plenty of Lube](#5_Use_Plenty_of_Lube) - [6. Consider Condoms and STI Prevention Beforehand](#6_Consider_Condoms_and_STI_Prevention_Beforehand) - [7. Be Smart About Hygiene Without Overdoing It](#7_Be_Smart_About_Hygiene_Without_Overdoing_It) - [8. Go Slowly and Pay Attention to Pain](#8_Go_Slowly_and_Pay_Attention_to_Pain) - [9. Choose Positions That Give You Control](#9_Choose_Positions_That_Give_You_Control) - [10. Remember That It Is OK If You Do Not Like It](#10_Remember_That_It_Is_OK_If_You_Do_Not_Like_It) - [Common First Time Bottoming Mistakes](#Common_First_Time_Bottoming_Mistakes) - [Mistake 1: Pretending You Are More Experienced Than You Are](#Mistake_1_Pretending_You_Are_More_Experienced_Than_You_Are) - [Mistake 2: Not Using Enough Lube](#Mistake_2_Not_Using_Enough_Lube) - [Mistake 3: Ignoring Pain](#Mistake_3_Ignoring_Pain) - [Mistake 4: Choosing a Partner Who Does Not Listen](#Mistake_4_Choosing_a_Partner_Who_Does_Not_Listen) - [Mistake 5: Making It an Identity Test](#Mistake_5_Making_It_an_Identity_Test) - [What About Anxiety?](#What_About_Anxiety) - [Helpful Video on Bottoming Basics](#Helpful_Video_on_Bottoming_Basics) - [What Supplies Might Help?](#What_Supplies_Might_Help) - [First Time Bottoming Resource Box](#First_Time_Bottoming_Resource_Box) - [First Time Bottoming FAQ](#First_Time_Bottoming_FAQ) - [Does bottoming hurt the first time?](#Does_bottoming_hurt_the_first_time) - [Do I have to clean out before bottoming?](#Do_I_have_to_clean_out_before_bottoming) - [Should I use condoms?](#Should_I_use_condoms) - [What kind of lube is best?](#What_kind_of_lube_is_best) - [What if I feel embarrassed?](#What_if_I_feel_embarrassed) - [What if I try bottoming and do not like it?](#What_if_I_try_bottoming_and_do_not_like_it) - [Can anxiety make bottoming harder?](#Can_anxiety_make_bottoming_harder) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) When guys talk about bottoming, they often jump straight to technique. But the first question is not about position, lube, condoms, or cleaning. The first question is simpler: **Do you actually want to do this?** That may sound obvious, but it matters. Some men try bottoming because they feel curious and genuinely interested. Others do it because they want to please someone. Some do it because they think it will make them more desirable. Others feel pressure from hookup culture, dating apps, porn, or old ideas about what gay men are supposed to enjoy. Curiosity is a good reason to explore. Pressure is not. If you are thinking about bottoming for the first time, slow down enough to ask yourself what is motivating you. Are you interested in the experience? Do you trust the person you are with? Do you feel comfortable saying slow down, stop, or not tonight? Are you able to talk about condoms, lube, STI testing, and expectations without feeling dismissed? If the answer to those questions is no, it may not be the right moment or the right partner. Bottoming requires trust. That does not mean you need to be in a serious relationship. Some men explore with a boyfriend. Others explore with someone they are dating or a trusted casual partner. But you should feel able to communicate clearly and set limits. The first time is not the time to pretend you are more experienced than you are. It is also not the time to let someone else run the entire show. ![attractive man 10 bottoming tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/bottoming-tips-attractive-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Beginniers Hacks ## 10 Practical First Time Bottoming Tips for Gay Men The tips below are written for adult men who want a calm, practical introduction. They are not about performance. They are about comfort, communication, readiness, and safer choices. ### 1. Ask Yourself Why You Want to Bottom Before you make plans with anyone, ask yourself why you want to bottom. This is not about overthinking sex. It is about knowing yourself. Some helpful questions: - Am I curious about the experience? - Am I doing this because I want to, or because I feel pressured? - Do I trust the person I am considering doing this with? - Can I say no without worrying about being judged? - Can I ask for condoms, lube, and slower pacing? There is nothing wrong with wanting to please a partner. Intimacy often includes generosity. But there is a difference between generosity and self-abandonment. A good first experience should include your comfort, your pace, and your voice. You are not there to prove something. You are there to explore something. It is also worth saying this directly: sexual roles are not personality types. Being a top, bottom, or versatile guy does not determine your masculinity, confidence, worth, or identity. Some men are mostly tops. Some are mostly bottoms. Some are versatile. Some do not enjoy anal sex at all. There is no prize for forcing yourself into a role that does not feel right. **Quick truth:** You do not have to bottom to be gay. You do not have to enjoy bottoming to be confident, desirable, or sexually complete. ### 2. Choose the Right Partner, Not Just the Right Moment Your first time bottoming should be with someone who respects boundaries. That matters more than chemistry alone. Attraction is important. So is trust. A partner who listens, checks in, uses enough lube, accepts condoms if requested, and stops when asked is far more important than someone who simply looks good or says the right things in a message thread. **Related:** [First time gay experiences ](https://guycounseling.com/25-first-gay-experiences-stories-true/) A good partner will not shame you for being new. He will not rush you. He will not treat your nervousness like an inconvenience. He will understand that first-time experiences require communication and patience. Before anything happens, it is reasonable to say something like: - “I’m interested, but I’m new to this.” - “I want to go slowly.” - “I want to use condoms.” - “If I say stop, I need you to stop.” - “Let’s use plenty of lube.” If someone responds badly to those statements, that tells you something important. You do not need to argue. You can simply decide he is not the right person for this experience. Confidence is not pretending you have no limits. Confidence is knowing that your limits matter. ### 3. Talk About Consent Before Things Get Physical Consent is not just a legal or moral concept. It is also practical. Sex is better when both people know what is wanted, what is not wanted, and what needs to happen if something changes. For first-time bottoming, consent should include a conversation about pace, protection, comfort, and stopping. You do not need to make it awkward or clinical. You can be direct without killing the mood. Try something simple: *“I want to try this, but I need us to go slowly and check in. If I say stop, we stop.”* That is not overexplaining. That is clear communication. You can also create a simple check-in word or phrase. It does not have to be dramatic. “Slow,” “pause,” and “stop” are perfectly good words. The important part is that your partner understands what they mean and respects them immediately. Remember: consent can change. You can want something at 9:00 and change your mind at 9:20. You can start and then stop. You can decide it is not working. You can enjoy part of the experience and still need a break. A respectful partner will not make you feel guilty for listening to your body. ### 4. Get Comfortable With Your Body First Some first-time anxiety comes from not knowing what sensations to expect. That is normal. Anal play involves muscles and sensations that many men are not used to paying attention to. Before bottoming with a partner, some men find it helpful to spend time learning their own body privately. This does not need to be intense or complicated. It can be as simple as learning how your body responds to relaxation, breathing, and gentle touch. The point is not to “train” yourself like you are preparing for a performance. The point is to reduce fear of the unknown. Pay attention to: - How your body responds when you are tense versus relaxed - How breathing affects muscle tension - What discomfort feels like compared with pain - Whether you feel emotionally ready or pressured If you feel anxious, rushed, or disconnected from your body, that is information. It may mean you need more time, a different partner, or a different kind of intimacy. There is no deadline. You are allowed to move at your own pace. ### 5. Use Plenty of Lube Lube is not optional for comfortable anal sex. The anus does not self-lubricate the way some other parts of the body do, so adding enough lubricant helps reduce friction, discomfort, and the chance of irritation. For many men, lube is the difference between an experience that feels manageable and one that feels uncomfortable. Use more than you think you need, and reapply as needed. Water-based and silicone-based lubricants are common choices. Water-based lube is easy to clean and widely compatible. Silicone-based lube usually lasts longer and can be helpful for anal sex, though it may not be compatible with some silicone toys. If condoms are being used, avoid oil-based products with latex condoms because oils can weaken latex and increase the chance of breakage. For a first experience, the simplest approach is usually best: - Choose a quality water-based or silicone-based lube - Use more than a small amount - Reapply if anything starts to feel dry or uncomfortable - Avoid numbing products unless specifically advised by a medical professional Numbing products can sound appealing if you are nervous about discomfort, but they can also make it harder to notice important body signals. Pain is not something to ignore. It is information. #### Helpful Resource: Lubricant A quality lubricant is one of the most practical items to have on hand for comfort and safer intimacy. Choose a water-based or silicone-based product that is compatible with your needs, and reapply as needed. Many guys think silicone offers the best lubrication with the added benefit of lasting a long time. Wet Platnum is an excellent choice. See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4yds1Zk) for pricing. [![Bottle of personal lubricant on bathroom counter for intimacy and sexual wellness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/personal-lubricant-sexual-wellness.jpg.jpg?resize=667%2C559&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/4yds1Zk) *Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling earns from qualifying purchases.* ### 6. Consider Condoms and STI Prevention Beforehand Condoms are worth discussing before things get physical. They can reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and may help some first-timers feel more comfortable. For anal sex, condoms should be paired with enough compatible lube to reduce friction and lower the chance of breakage. Some men use condoms every time. Some do not. Some use PrEP for HIV prevention. Some rely on testing agreements with partners. The most important thing is that you make informed decisions rather than drifting into whatever the other person prefers. If you are sexually active with men, it is also worth having a healthcare conversation about STI testing and HIV prevention. PrEP may be an option for men who may be exposed to HIV, and a medical provider can help determine whether it fits your situation. **Related:** [Best smelling body washes for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) This does not need to become a fear-based conversation. Sexual health is part of adult life. Testing, condoms, PrEP, lube, and honest communication are all tools. The goal is not perfection. The goal is informed, respectful decision-making. Before bottoming, ask yourself: - Do I want to use condoms? - Have we talked about STI testing? - Do I know my own testing status? - Have I considered whether PrEP is right for me? - Do I feel comfortable speaking up about protection? If you cannot discuss safer sex with someone, think carefully before having sex with him. **Practical reminder:** Condoms, compatible lube, STI testing, and PrEP conversations are not mood killers. They are part of responsible adult intimacy. Trojan Magnums may be a really smart choice for those who are working with large. See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4yejXau) for pricing. ### 7. Be Smart About Hygiene Without Overdoing It Hygiene is one of the most common worries for first-time bottoms. It is understandable. Many men worry about mess, odor, or embarrassment. But it is also easy to overdo it. Basic hygiene matters. So does not turning preparation into a stressful ritual. For many guys, a shower, gentle external cleaning, and paying attention to digestion are enough for some situations. Other men prefer additional preparation. If you use any cleansing product or device, follow instructions carefully, use common sense, and avoid anything harsh or improvised. Do not use random household objects or products not designed for the body. Do not use harsh soaps internally. Do not assume more cleaning is always better. Overdoing it can irritate sensitive tissue and make sex less comfortable. It also helps to be realistic: bodies are bodies. Anal sex involves a part of the body connected to digestion. Mature partners understand this. Preparation can reduce anxiety, but no one should shame you for being human. Some practical hygiene thoughts: - Give yourself enough time so you are not rushing - Avoid heavy meals right before sex if they make you uncomfortable - Use gentle cleaning habits - Do not use harsh products internally - Stop if preparation causes irritation, pain, or bleeding If you have digestive issues, bleeding, ongoing pain, or medical concerns, speak with a healthcare professional instead of relying on internet advice. #### Helpful Resource: Gentle Hygiene Some men feel more comfortable with gentle hygiene preparation before anal sex. Keep it simple, avoid harsh products, and do not overdo it. Preparation should support comfort, not create irritation or anxiety. A solid choice to consider is made by Adam & Eve. Check [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4f8rZt6) for pricing. [![Box of personal hygiene rinse product on bathroom counter for men’s wellness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/personal-rinse.jpg?resize=667%2C559&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/4f8rZt6) *Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling earns from qualifying purchases.* ### 8. Go Slowly and Pay Attention to Pain First-time bottoming should not be rushed. Going slowly gives your body time to adjust, gives your mind time to stay present, and gives both partners a chance to communicate. Some pressure or unfamiliar sensation can happen. Sharp pain, intense burning, bleeding, or feeling like something is wrong is different. If that happens, stop. Do not push through pain to prove you can handle it. Do not let a partner tell you discomfort is “normal” if your body is clearly telling you to pause. A respectful partner will slow down or stop without complaint. Breathing can help. So can changing position, adding more lube, taking a break, or deciding to stop entirely. There is nothing embarrassing about stopping. In fact, being able to stop is part of safer, more confident intimacy. One helpful way to think about it: - **Unfamiliar sensation:** Pause, breathe, communicate, and assess. - **Mild discomfort:** Slow down, add lube, and check in. - **Pain or bleeding:** Stop and consider medical guidance if needed. A first experience does not need to include everything. It might simply involve communication, closeness, and learning what feels possible. That still counts as progress. ### 9. Choose Positions That Give You Control For a first time, control matters. The more control you have over pace and angle, the easier it may be to relax and communicate. Some men prefer positions where they can control movement. Others prefer being able to look at their partner, talk, and check in. There is no universal “best” position because bodies, comfort levels, and partner dynamics vary. The main principle is simple: choose a position that allows you to pause, adjust, and communicate. Things to consider: - Can you control the pace? - Can you easily say slow down or stop? - Do you feel physically supported? - Can you breathe and relax your body? - Does the position feel emotionally comfortable? Avoid treating the first time like a performance. You do not need to copy what you have seen online. Porn and real-life intimacy are not the same thing. What looks dramatic on screen may not be comfortable, safe, or realistic for a beginner. Start with what helps you feel grounded. Confidence often comes from staying connected to your own body, not from trying to act experienced. ### 10. Remember That It Is OK If You Do Not Like It Some men try bottoming and love it. Some try it and feel neutral. Some try it and realize it is not for them. All of those outcomes are valid. You are allowed to be curious without making a lifelong declaration about your sexual role. You are allowed to try something and decide you do not want to repeat it. You are allowed to be versatile in one season of life and prefer something different later. There is no required script. If you do not enjoy bottoming, that does not make you closed-minded. If you do enjoy it, that does not define your entire sexual identity. If you need more time, that is fine. If you only want to explore with a trusted partner, that is fine too. Sexual confidence is not about doing everything. It is about knowing what works for you, communicating honestly, and respecting yourself and your partners. Bottoming can be meaningful, pleasurable, intimate, and affirming for some men. It can also be something others decide is not a fit. Either way, your value does not change. ![gay bottoming faqs ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/bottoming-faqs.jpg?resize=676%2C369&ssl=1)Common FAQs ## Common First Time Bottoming Mistakes A lot of first-time stress comes from trying too hard to get everything perfect. You do not need perfection. But there are a few common mistakes worth avoiding. ### Mistake 1: Pretending You Are More Experienced Than You Are You do not need to perform confidence. If you are new, say so. The right partner will appreciate honesty. The wrong partner may be annoyed, which is useful information. ### Mistake 2: Not Using Enough Lube Too little lube can make the experience uncomfortable quickly. Keep it nearby and use it generously. Reapplying is normal. ### Mistake 3: Ignoring Pain Pain is not a challenge to overcome. It is a signal to pause or stop. Do not let embarrassment keep you from speaking up. ### Mistake 4: Choosing a Partner Who Does Not Listen Skill matters less than respect. A partner who listens, slows down, and checks in is safer than someone who acts experienced but ignores your limits. ### Mistake 5: Making It an Identity Test Trying bottoming does not lock you into a label. Not liking it does not make you less gay. Sexual roles are preferences, not worth statements. ![two attractive men meeting one top one bottom ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/two-attractive-men-meeting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Can anxiety be part of the experience? ## What About Anxiety? Feeling nervous before bottoming for the first time is common. Anxiety can show up as muscle tension, racing thoughts, self-consciousness, or fear of embarrassment. Rather than trying to force anxiety away, acknowledge it. You might say to yourself: *“I’m nervous because this is new. I can go slowly. I can stop. I do not have to prove anything.”* That kind of self-talk matters. So does choosing a partner who is patient. If anxiety is high, consider slowing everything down. You do not have to move from curiosity to full anal sex in one night. Intimacy can include talking, kissing, touch, and exploration without pressure to complete a specific act. If your anxiety is connected to past trauma, shame, religious pressure, body image, or fear of losing control, it may help to talk with a therapist or healthcare professional. Sexual wellness is not just physical. It is emotional too. ## Helpful Video on Bottoming Basics Some readers find it helpful to watch a calm educational video after reading through the basics. If you choose to watch outside resources, look for guidance that emphasizes consent, communication, lube, safer sex, and listening to your body. Consider this video featuring Dr. Evan Goldstein on [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lXUcVj9i8Y). ## What Supplies Might Help? You do not need a huge shopping list. In fact, too many products can make the experience feel more complicated than it needs to be. For most first-timers, the basics are enough: - Quality lubricant - Condoms, if you choose to use them - Towels or tissues for cleanup - Gentle hygiene supplies - A calm environment with privacy Some men also like reading a practical guide or keeping a few sexual wellness items on hand. One book to consider is *Butt Seriously* by Dr. Evan Goldstein. See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4guGV7c) for pricing. ### First Time Bottoming Resource Box If you are preparing for a first experience, the most useful items are usually simple: lubricant, condoms if you use them, and gentle hygiene supplies. You do not need a huge shopping list or anything extreme. - **Lubricant:** Choose a quality water-based or silicone-based option and reapply as needed. - **Condoms:** If condoms are part of your safer-sex plan, use them with compatible lube. - **Gentle hygiene:** Keep preparation simple and avoid harsh products or anything that causes irritation. [View lubricant options on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4vUk8WX) [View condom options on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4fsZl72) [View gentle hygiene options on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4ysJ5e2) *Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling earns from qualifying purchases.* ## ![more questions about bottoming](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/bottoming-more-questions.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)First Time Bottoming FAQ ### Does bottoming hurt the first time? It should not involve sharp or intense pain. Some unfamiliar pressure or mild discomfort can happen, but pain is a signal to pause or stop. Using enough lube, going slowly, communicating clearly, and choosing a respectful partner can help make the experience more comfortable. ### Do I have to clean out before bottoming? Some men prefer additional preparation, while others focus on showering, gentle external cleaning, and timing. Hygiene is personal, but it should not become harsh or obsessive. Avoid products or methods that irritate your body. If you have digestive or medical concerns, talk with a healthcare professional. ### Should I use condoms? Condoms can reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and may help some first-timers feel more comfortable. If you use condoms, pair them with compatible lube. You can also talk with a healthcare provider about STI testing and whether PrEP is appropriate for you. ### What kind of lube is best? Many men use water-based or silicone-based lubricant for anal sex. Water-based lube is easy to clean and widely compatible. Silicone-based lube usually lasts longer. Avoid oil-based products with latex condoms because oils can weaken latex. ### What if I feel embarrassed? Embarrassment is common, especially when something is new. The best antidote is communication and choosing a partner who is mature. You are allowed to be new. You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to stop. ### What if I try bottoming and do not like it? That is completely okay. Bottoming is not a requirement. Trying something and deciding it is not for you does not say anything negative about your identity, masculinity, or desirability. ### Can anxiety make bottoming harder? Yes. Anxiety can increase muscle tension and make it harder to relax. If you feel anxious, slow down. Breathe, communicate, and do not rush. If anxiety is connected to trauma, shame, or fear, consider talking with a qualified professional. ## Final Thoughts First time bottoming does not need to be treated like a test. It is not a measure of how gay you are, how confident you are, or how desirable you are. It is simply one form of adult intimacy that some men enjoy and others do not. If you decide to try it, give yourself permission to move slowly. Choose a partner who listens. Use enough lube. Talk about condoms, STI testing, PrEP, and boundaries before things get intense. Pay attention to your body. Stop if something hurts. Remember that comfort and consent matter more than performance. Good intimacy is not about acting fearless. It is about being honest, present, respectful, and willing to communicate. Whether bottoming becomes something you enjoy or something you decide is not for you, the larger point is this: your body, your boundaries, and your choices matter. **Editorial note:** This article is intended for adults and is provided for general educational purposes. It is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, therapy, or individualized sexual health guidance. For questions about pain, bleeding, STI testing, HIV prevention, PrEP, sexual functioning, or personal health concerns, consult a qualified healthcare professional. **Categories:** Intimacy **Tags:** bottoming tips, Condoms, consent, first time bottoming, gay men, gay men intimacy, gay men sexual wellness, gay relationships, intimacy, LGBTQ men, lube, men’s relationships, safer sex, sexual wellness --- ### [Tiege Hanley Skin Care Kit Review - Worth It or Rip Off?](https://guycounseling.com/tiege-hanley-review/) **Published:** September 5, 2026 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![man washing face - tiege hanley skin care review ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-washing-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Tiege Hanley product review** If you are like most guys, you prefer skin care products that are simple and easy to use. Let’s face it, most of us don’t want to spend a lot of time in the bathroom, trying to figure out what cleansers and lotions to put on. I know this is true for me. That’s why so many personal care companies that cater to men have started to create all-in-one kits containing the basics for maintaining a [face care routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). Recently, I decided to try one made by Tiege Hanley. They are a relative newcomer to the personal care market, affiliated with well-known men’s lifestyle guru, Aaron Marino. You’ve likely seen some of his YouTube videos on this site. At any rate, not long ago, I ordered their level 3 kit from an online retailer. After using their products for a month straight, I figured it might be interesting for readers to learn about my experience. I want to begin by stating that I recently became an affiliate of this company after trying their product. I figured letting you know this straight out was the best approach. That said, it was only after using TH and liking it that I decided to recommend them. It’s all about being transparent, right? **Let’s start with what comes in the box.** - Daily face wash (2.5 oz.) - Scrub (.75 oz.) - Morning facial lotion (.75 oz.) - Evening facial lotion (.75 oz.) - Eye cream (.5 oz.) - Face serum (.5 oz.) So, you are probably wondering: **Is the Tiege Hanley System worth the money?** I can only speak for myself when I say that I personally found their products amazing. I liked the ability to get up in the morning and have an uncomplicated routine waiting for me in my bathroom. I didn’t have to think about what to use or go rummaging through the medicine cabinet to find what I needed. Pricing on the Tiege Hanley system varies, depending on which level kit you buy and where you get it from. In my case, I used “level three” with prices that can change. Your best bet is to check [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4xkWHGw). ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/ySMlUbk6qZENa/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## How I used and what I liked Each morning while in the shower, I applied the face wash and then rinsed it off. Once I was done, I’d stand in front of the mirror and put on their face serum. The directions \[for the serum\] state to use one pump on face and neck. The reality is that I needed to use two for total distribution. When you put this serum on, you’ll quickly notice that it has a concretizing effect. No, it doesn’t freeze your face or anything but it does tighten things up. After applying the serum, I’d move on to using the AM lotion. It was easy enough – I just squeezed out several beads onto my fingers and applied with a circular motion to my face and neck. Bear in mind, this cream contains SPF 20, which is designed to block out the harmful effects of the sun. This makes sense because we’ve all seen the research on how bad sunrays are for skin ([see this post on facial brown spots](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/)). Anyway – when I was done with their moisturizer, I’d dab on a few dots of the eye-cream, placed directly under my eyes (just one pump). And that was it guys. I was out of the bathroom and ready for the day. The entire process took 15 minutes and that included the shower. So, you may be wondering what I did at night? It’s simple, just before bed, I’d repeat the same routine as the morning (minus the shower) except I’d swap out the AM face cream for the PM lotion. Done! ## **What about if your skin is sensitive?** Because my skin is prone to irritation and redness, I was initially worried about the effects of their products. Hey, you never really know how your skin will react with creams and lotions until you start using them, you know? In any event, I was pleasantly surprised to find that with Tiege Hanley’s lotions/creams, it had the opposite effect. In other words, it seemed like their products helped to keep the redness down. Obviously, you should talk to your dermatologist if you have any skin conditions. In my case, I don’t – at least none that I am aware of. ## What I didn’t like There wasn’t a whole lot I didn’t like about the Tiege Hanley Skin Care System. If I had to pick one thing it would be this: There really doesn’t seem to be enough of the morning and evening facial lotion to last for an entire month. I mention this because if you use both twice a day every day, it doesn’t take long to go through the tubes. To me, it might make sense for the company to increase the size of both because all the other products in their kit seem to last 30-days. I’m suggesting this because their skin care kits are marketed for monthly purchase. ## Additional Thoughts You may be wondering why I opted for the level 3 kit as opposed to starting out with level 1. It’s simple – I wanted to give the entire skin care system a try instead of walking through the different steps. With level 1, you don’t get the serum or the scrub. With level 2, you don’t get the serum. I figured try everything at once since eventually, most guys will eventually end up at level 3. I know there are other reviews on the web where some claim the Tiege Hanley system isn’t worth the money and that the products aren’t all that great. All I can say is that I was very pleased with my experience. My face looks noticeably better. I even had a lady-friend tell me that I looked younger. I encourage you to look around online to see what others are saying before making a decision to buy. Have you used the Tiege Hanley Skin Care system for men? If so, what was your experience? Be sure to share in the comments section below. A lot of men reading this would love to read your comments! **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Facial Care, Skin Care, Skin Care Routine --- ### [How Emotional Intelligence Can Help You Get the Girl](https://guycounseling.com/emotional-intelligence-will-get-girl/) **Published:** September 5, 2026 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## ![guy looking at a smiling girl in the pool](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-821042.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why emotional intelligence will get you the girl. You walk into a bar and spot a gorgeous looking girl standing with a friend. You look her in the eyes from afar, she notices it and looks at you. Your eyes meet for a second and then she smirks while turning her head sideways and goes with her hand through her hair. “Okay, this is it”, you say to yourself and start walking towards her. You open a conversation and even her friend helps you a little bit. She excuses herself and leaves you two alone. You start talking and she tells you how all she wants is a nice, sweet guy who will buy her flowers, take her out on dinners and spend time walking down the beach. You hear this and immediately adjust your behavior towards these traits. The conversation is going really good and then you hear it. “I have to go to the bathroom.” And she never returns, leaving you there wondering what the hell just happened and what went wrong? The answer lies not in the words she said aka what she wanted, but in the behavior she displayed aka what she needed. To explain this, we will go on a small journey called 7-38-55. ## **7-38-55 Rule** 1970’s, Berkley California. Prof. Mehrabian was doing a study on why we like or dislike people when they communicate with us. And he came to a startling conclusion. We deduce our feelings, attitudes, and beliefs about what someone says not by the actual words said, but by their body language and tonality. Prof. Mehrabian quantifies the study which later became known as a 7-38-55 study. In the personal communication, words tend to account only for 7% of the effect, the tone of voice 38% and the body language for 55 %. And one more important notion here is congruency- when our words are not congruent with our paraverbal (tonality) and nonverbal (body language) signs, we tend to disregard the words said and believe in the tonality and body voice. So when you meet someone and they are all slick with their words, but you have that gut feeling that something isn’t right, that is your emotional center telling you that their words are not congruent with their behavior and tonality. But since our emotional center isn’t capable of language, we are having a hard time explaining with words the feeling of “something just doesn’t seem right”. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/girlfriend-cheated.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) When I first learned about this, it hit me like a brick wall. Because I learned that it isn’t about the words, it’s about the [meaning behind the words](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/). As Peter Drucker famously said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” This rule has a scientific background in evolutionary biology and psychology because we evolved our emotional brain a million years before we learned how to talk. So we have been relying on figuring out the body language instead of words for a million years more. And that hard-wiring is still in force today. But back to the dating world. What does this all mean? Now, you understand that it isn’t about the words, but about the behavior (paraverbal and non-verbal communication). And we will now learn how to properly use this information to actually get the girl. We will do that through emotional intelligence. ## **Emotional intelligence – Give her what she needs, not what she wants** First of all, let us divide the needs from wants and why we have no idea what we actually want nor are we able to express it when we actually know the difference. You go to a store to buy a drill and you tell that to a shop clerk. He goes on and on, rambling about all the different drills they have and how they have 700 different drill endings, how the drill fits smoothly in your hand and how it won’t break in the next 5 years – for sure! But you don’t care about that. And you don’t even know why you don’t care about that. And here is the reason – You don’t want a drill. You want a hole! And the trick behind that is that you don’t even want a hole – you just want to put your family portrait on the living room wall. What is being communicated with words: I want a drill What you actually want: A hole What you actually need: To put a family portrait on the wall Why didn’t you just tell the clerk that you need to put a family portrait on the wall? Because you didn’t know. Yeah, I was mind blown as well and then I was sad because I spent 20 years thinking that what people said is what they actually meant and wanted. The drill example is exactly what you need to have in mind when talking to other people. People don’t know how to separate wants from needs nor do they what they are. But if you pay attention to their body language and tonality, you will start to notice things. ## **Emotional intelligence – tips and tricks** Next time you are out there talking with a girl, watch what she actually does and how she responds to you. Don’t take her words for granted because it’s not what she says, but how she says it. When she tells you that she doesn’t want to kiss random strangers in the bar, what she means is that she yet doesn’t want to kiss you or that she is not sure if she knows you that well to think of you as something more than a stranger. When she is touching you non-stop on your arms, it means that she wants you to stay there and keep the interaction going. When she leans back, it usually means she is a bit bored and you need to get her attention back. When she says that you are not getting lucky tonight, it means that she wants you to rise to the challenge. All of these and much more happens in the subtle interactions happening underneath the words spoken. And if you want to get her, you need to train yourself in the art of emotional intelligence. I will write a whole article on emotional intelligence in the dating world because it’s such a big topic, but in the meantime, some literature might go a long way. The 3 books I would recommend you are: 1\. The Game by Neil Strauss 2\. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman 3\. The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden Let me know in the comments what you learned from the books. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [What Are Public Lands and Why Do They Matter?](https://guycounseling.com/public-lands-matter/) **Published:** September 5, 2026 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![public lands](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/public-lands.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Public lands really matter In the United States, the federal government owns and manages roughly 640 million acres of land—about 28 percent of the nation’s total land area. These lands hold some of the most wild, remote, and ecologically-significant destinations in the country — the peaks, streams, forests, deserts, and coastlines—  where hikers, hunters, equestrians, anglers, and white water enthusiasts go to do their thing. But [outdoorsman](https://guycounseling.com/outdoorsman-personality-traits/) aren’t the only ones who value and utilize public lands in the U.S., and these days, it seems everyone wants a piece of the public land cake. Every week, new stories break covering the many issues surrounding public lands including who gets them, how they can be used, and the measures taken to protect them. Fortunately, although the struggle is real and far from pretty, thanks to efforts made by groups and organizations such as[ Backcountry Hunters and Anglers](https://www.backcountryhunters.org/), the [Wilderness Society](https://wilderness.org/), and [Outdoor Alliance](http://www.outdooralliance.org/), our public lands are seeing the representation they deserve — a great benefit to us all. Today, however, we’ll be keeping things light by looking past the complex, contentious, and political side of public lands. Instead, we’re celebrating our access to wild places by introducing you to the many flavors and shades of public land available for your enjoyment right now. That way, the next time you look at a map, you’ll have a good idea of the opportunities for exploration contained within every patch of ground. ## Exploring Federally-Owned Lands The U.S. federal government owns the vast majority of public land in the country and a huge percentage of it is located west of the Mississippi River. This massive portfolio of land is divided up and managed by four primary agencies — The Bureau of Land Management, the National Park Service (within the Department of the Interior), the Fish and Wildlife Service, and the U.S. Forest Service (within the Department of Agriculture). ### National Parks Perhaps the most well-known type of public land are National Parks, which contain some of the most iconic natural wonders in the world. Created in 1916 under President Woodrow Wilson, the [National Park Service](https://www.nps.gov/index.htm) manages over 59 National Parks across the country, upholding the highest level of protection and oversight of any public lands. The very first of its kind, Yellowstone National Park, is a great example of the caliber of natural beauty National Parks protect — intact ecosystems, an abundance of wildlife, and geological phenomenon found nowhere else. Other famous national parks worthy of any bucket list are Yosemite National Park in California, Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona, Zion National Park in Utah, Glacier National Park in Montana, and Everglades National Park in Florida among many others. One of the most inviting aspects of National Parks is that most are highly accessible, making a visit a great option for those who want to get out and see nature but aren’t up to the task of a strenuous hike — although you’ll likely find plenty of those if you choose! However, due to National Park’s higher levels of protection, opportunities for recreation are limited often restricting or prohibiting hunting, shooting, motorized off-road vehicles (atv’s and jeeps) among other restrictions, though you will find amazing fishing, rock climbing, backpacking, and rafting opportunities in many National Parks throughout the country — check out this [map of the national parks](https://www.nps.gov/planyourvisit/maps.htm) to see which ones are near you! National Forests > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BTLYc5njw2E/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) A total of nearly 190 million acres of public land is found within the boundaries of 155 National Forests. Unlike National Parks, National Forests are managed by the [U.S. Forest Service](https://www.fs.fed.us/) following the “multiple use” concept which allows the land to be used in a variety of ways — most of which are conducted to generate revenue. Timber harvesting, livestock grazing, and oil and mineral extraction are the main money-making activities occurring on National Forest ground, and for the most part, co-operate alongside recreational users of all stripes. National forests often cover large expanses of the land, often times interlaced with hiking trails galore, some of which extend for hundreds or thousands of miles. If you’re looking for a place to hunt or fish, checking out your nearby National Forest is a great place to start — just be sure to read all your local regulations and don’t forget to obtain the proper licensing. If you’re looking for a place to camp, in most cases, as long as you’re within a National Forest, you can pitch a tent just about anywhere you want. And next time you’re at your favorite ski area, chances are you’re sliding over National Forest ground leased by the ski resort. ### Designated Wilderness We generally use the term “wilderness” as a convenient way to describe a natural place. But when it comes to public land in the U.S., “wilderness” refers to a special land designation that protects places described as “untrammeled by man,” according to the official definition wilderness declared by the [Wilderness Act of 1964](https://wilderness.nps.gov/faqnew.cfm). Upon President Lyndon Johnson’s signing of the Wilderness Act on September 3, 1964, an original 9.1 million acres of public land were set aside as nationally designated wilderness areas. Since then, over 100 million acres of designated wilderness areas have been added to the map, protecting pristine landscapes where you’ll find no roads, no infrastructure, and an abundance of peace and quiet. Many wilderness areas are found either within or in close proximity to National Forests and some are within National Parks. There are many restrictions on what activities can be done in wilderness areas — no motorized vehicles, no mountain bikes, no grazing, no extraction, but everything else — hunting, fishing, hiking, horseback riding, photography, bird watching — is on the table. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BYKdoX8FKJX/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ### National Wildlife Refuges As you can see, each type of public land is managed with different objectives and uses in mind factoring in both the landscape and the way people interact with it. But for National Wildlife Refuges, the focus is on the animals and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Department works to ensure ideal habitat for them exists. Over 560 National Wildlife Refuge areas have been created since the program began in 1903 when President Theodore Roosevelt established Pelican Island National Wildlife Refuge in Florida. Every state in the nation currently has at least one NWR location, many of which are within an hour’s drive of a major city. Accessibility is in most cases very easy and visitation is highly encouraged. Many NWR’s are well-known for providing critical stopover or wintering habitat for certain species of migratory birds, so if you like witnessing nature’s spectacles in person, look up what’s happening at your local NWR. You’d think that since that National Wildlife Refuges protect animals and their habitat that hunting or fishing wouldn’t be allowed — but the exact opposite is true. Sustainable hunting is used as a management tool to ensure animal populations remain at optimal levels and some great close-to-home hunting opportunities can be had at NWRs. ### National Monuments National Monuments fall under the umbrella of the National Park Service, enjoying many of the same protections as parks. But instead of encompassing a broad land area or ecosystem, National Monuments are centered around specific features either natural, historical, or cultural. A great example of a National Monument — one that’s received a lot of attention recently — is Bears Ears National Monument in Southeast Utah, with its namesake buttes and centuries of Native American history and ancient artifacts. The Antiquities Act of 1906 granted the President — who at the time was Theodore Roosevelt — the ability to designate and protect areas of public land that held “…objects of historic and scientific interest,” without having to go through Congress to establish a National Park. Nearly 120 National Monuments have been established over the last century, some of which have gone on to become National Parks. Anyone with an interest in the history of North America and what was here before European contact, check out the [complete list of National Monuments](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_National_Monuments_of_the_United_States) on Wikipedia to start planning your next trip. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BTA67hRj8tX/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ### BLM Land If you’ve ever road-tripped through the West, say, through Nevada, you’re familiar with the seemingly endless stretches of barren land. Ever wonder who owns all that land? Technically, if you’re a U.S. citizen, you own it — all 246 million acres of it. Well, you, along with your fellow countrymates. Managed by the [Bureau of Land Management](https://www.blm.gov/), this land that we now know as “BLM Land” was once called the “Land no one wanted,” as it was what was leftover after pioneers claimed all the land they did want through the Homestead Act. Unlike National Parks or Monuments, BLM lands don’t have any particular draw to be established as any sort of destination.What they do offer, however, is massive swaths of open landscapes where wildlife of all varieties can live. And, with fewer restrictions and limitations about what you can and can’t do, BLM lands offer some exceptional opportunities for those who like to hunt, shoot, mountain bike, ride dirtbikes and atvs, and test your off-road driving skills. BLM lands are also where a large portion of the countries energy production is conducted, utilizing both oil and mineral resources as well as more eco-friendly modern alternatives like wind and solar power. ## State-Owned Lands Let’s look at the two most common state-owned land designations: state parks and state forests. ### State Parks State parks can be any size, but many are smaller plots of land that offer convenient opportunities to hike, mountain bike, fish, and watch wildlife. Established campsites are often available at most state parks for a fee, making them popular among RVers and car-fulls of family campers. Be sure to check campsite availability before you go, especially during the peak season which generally runs from May through September. ### State Forests State Forests are very similar to National Forests, except are managed by local agencies rather than the National Forest Service. Every state manages their land differently, but for the most part, State Forests are used for both commerce — timber sale, oil and mineral extraction, cattle grazing, and leases — and recreation — fishing, hunting, hiking, camping, etc. ## Where Will Your Next Public Lands Adventure Take You? However you wish to spend your time outdoors, make sure you take a moment every once in a while to ponder what a wonderful resource our public lands are and all the opportunities they afford. Few other countries in the world have so much wild land for citizens to access, and with all the drama surrounding the [transfer of public land ownership](https://www.outsideonline.com/2129136/public-lands-belong-federal-hands) making headlines, it’s important to appreciate what we have so much that we’re willing to fight to keep it. If you’re interested in learning more about our country’s public lands and the threats they face, there’s plenty of information online regarding what’s going on and what you can do to take action. Resources like Backcountry Hunters and Anglers and the Wilderness Society are great places to start. But beyond signing up for memberships and cutting donations checks, one of the best ways to take a stand for our public lands is to go out and actually use them. So where will your next public lands adventure take you? Will you float the Colorado River on a multi-day rafting trip through Grand Canyon National Park? Or will you [hike several miles](https://guycounseling.com/colorado-hiking-tips/) back into National Forest land to reach an alpine lake for a weekend of backcountry fly fishing? Maybe you only have a few hours to get out on the weekend — chances are, there’s a state park nearby with some hiking trails to stretch your legs and take in some much-needed fresh air. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Camping, Fishing, Hiking, Public Lands, Wilderness --- ### [3 Masks Men Hide Behind Without Realizing It](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/) **Published:** September 5, 2026 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ![guy covering face with paln](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-246805.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## The Mask of Masculinity We men have many masks we hide behind, but there are three masks which govern most of our lives. These masks are society backed. socially acceptable and even wanted by many guys and girls. Because they do provide some results- but the problems that come with them are destroying the person wearing them. The masks that I am talking about are the emotional, financial and sexual mask. So let’s dive into each of them: ## **The Emotional Mask** “Hey bro, I love”, said one guy to another and he responded “Gay”, while telling everyone in the locker room what this guy just said. And he became the center of all jokes in the locker room for the next year or two. Similar situations, where guys express their emotions are seen as a sign of weakness. “Don’t cry! Crying is for wusses and pussies” – when we genuinely want to show either pain or happiness. “Toughen up!” – when we want to talk about our problems. “You are spending too much time feeling. That’s for girls” – when we want to express ourselves. All of these and multiple more from our parents, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, society, news, media and magazines show us that we need to put an emotional mask. A mask which prevents any emotion going out from us. ![sad guy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-48566.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) You are a guy and you shouldn’t have emotions, let alone express them. Because the society only rewards tough guys and guys who have their shit under control. If you even try to talk about these things, you are branded as a pussy. Even from the other, more sensitive gender. And that is why in the US guys kill them themselves four times more than girls. When you try to hide your emotions and never express them, always bottling everything down in yourself, you will eventually crack. And that will be uncontrolled and it will [show its ugly face in areas you don’t want it to](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/). You can become an alcoholic, start abusing your wife or kids, attack your friends or just fall into a depression and never get out of it. But as long as people don’t see it, it’s all good. If you are perceived as someone in control, it will all be okay- and this is the message we have been fed and therefore the mask we wear. I’ve had this attitude for years and years, bottling my emotions, taking it all within me and thinking that’s what I need to do- because, you know, I am a man. Until I exploded one afternoon on a balcony, hugged my boss and just cried on her shoulder for 20 minutes. And this made me realize that I can’t bottle emotions anymore. That I need to express myself even if someone out there will call me a lesser man, a pussy, wuss or any other term that I can be called. But I won’t trade my wellbeing and health for recognition. Never again. The masks don’t stop here. There are 2 more which govern our lives. ## **Financial mask** A guy needs to take care of himself and everyone around him. He needs to provide for his family, show off his wealth and let other people know that he is successful. I have nothing against money and being financially free. That is a great goal to have. But the problem is when we tie our finances with our self-worth. We live in a free society where poverty is no longer determined by simply your birth rights or your family’s position/situation. If you are poor now, the society considers that your fault and holds you responsible for that. We guys need to be wealthy and financially well-suited. That is how we show our achievements to everyone else in the society. And that is how we show ourselves that we are worthy, worthy of being enough to have something. A wife, kids, respect from society and others and at the end, respect from ourselves. We have been taught that it’s our job to provide for our families and if at any point we fail at this, we are considered a failure. Anything else doesn’t matter. If you cant provide, you are a failure. And providing always becomes more and more and more. It’s never enough. Because there is always someone out there living better than you do, having more than you do, enjoying a longer vacation than you do, driving a better car or living in a bigger house than you. There is always more out there- which just pushes you to give more out of you. And you give so much, work so hard and at the end, you just ruin your health. Worrying, stressing, pushing yourself to work 16 hours a day only to come home and be bombarded by messages of a 20-year-old kid who has millions and enjoys piña coladas on Thailand. Growing up in a poor society, I learned that people do look at money and perceive others by the money that they have. And that can really destroy your confidence and make you doubt yourself as a man. But at the end of the day, you decide how you are going to measure yourself. And money – money is just means to an end, not an end itself so treat it like that. Gandhi was poor but that doesn’t mean we respected him any less. Just remember, you are enough even without three Lamborghinis in front of your house. But what about all the things money can buy – like good looking, bikini-wearing models like in the Tai Lopez commercials? For that, we have the last mask. ## ![palm on the face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-356147.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Sexual mask** The locker room tales of how many girls you slept with. The bigger the number, the bigger the respect you get from others. But it’s not about the numbers. It never was. It’s also not about chastity. The Sexual mask is tricky because it has 2 masks – a lover one and a provider one. So let’s dissect both of them ### **Lover mask** This is the guy who just goes from one girl to another, always becoming disappointed because he never finds a girl he desperately wants. There is always something missing so he needs to move on. And on he moves and moves and moves. But girls love him because he is, most of the time, [a great lover](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-have-a-great-dating-lifeeven-if-you-lack-direction/) and an interesting guy. And guys love him because, you know, tales of his conquerings. But what hides behind the lover mask? We have been taught that [sleeping with a lot of girls](https://guycounseling.com/cope-vs-thrive-way-not-settling/) means that you earn respect from others, especially other guys. And society will also look at you as a highly valuable guy – as we have seen in the success of Tucker Max or Neil Strauss’ books. A lover has value in the society because he is wanted. But what is happening behind the mask? As we have seen again in the works of people mentioned above, their internal lives crumble down. Just going from one girl to another didn’t resolve their issues. There was a whole left inside of them even though they had girls, respect, fame and even money. But the thing they were searching for couldn’t be found while the lover mask was on. As any guy who had his conquerings knows, the numbers don’t mean a thing. They never did. But we have been taught that they did so we pursued them only to discover that it left us at the same place but much older, tired and disappointed. But is the other end the solution then? ### **Provider mask** This is the guy who finds his perfect girl in any woman and is the complete opposite of a lover. The society teaches you to become a provider as soon as possible (also connected to the financial mask) and in general, wants you to settle down. But is that we guys really want? To find the love of our lives in any girl that comes near us? That is a mask more guys wear than the lover mask. Lovers operate on a high level of uncertainty while providers hate uncertainty. So the first opportunity they have, they settle down with a girl. In fact, they settle down with any girl that comes their way, without exploring themselves first. We hide behind this mask so we wouldn’t feel alone. So that we won’t feel that anxiousness of uncertainty for the future. So we are, in fact, not going to something, we are running away from something. And that something is ourselves. It gets easy to bury yourself in obligations when you settle down and not think about this. But it will always be there, crawling up our mind whenever there is an opportunity. And it will happen the moment you are left alone. The questions like “What if…” will pop up and it will cause the thing we were running from- anxiety. So the solution for this mask is neither in lover nor provider? But what then? In both! When you explore yourself as a lover first and figure out what you like, what you want and what you don’t want, then, and only then, can you actually settle down as we have seen in examples of Tucker Max and Neil Strauss. When you are settling because you want to settle down, not because you are running away from something, is when you will be at peace. It’s like the quote by Werner Heisenberg: “The first gulp from the glass of natural sciences will turn you into an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you” What he means by that is that the journey is the one that matters, that the journey will show you your Why, your reason. And then, it will all matter. ## **Conclusion** There are many masks we wear as men in today’s society, like a Joker or Indestructible mask, but these three mentioned above are the most influential ones in our lives. Remember that you are allowed to express your emotions and that it won’t make you a lesser man if you do. Remember that you are not your net worth. And remember that it’s not about the sexual encounters you had, but about the meaning you found in another person. So drop down the masks that were imposed on you and live your life freely. Trust me, it feels good. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** emotional health, male self-worth, masculinity, men and emotions, men’s mental health, modern masculinity --- ### [How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty](https://guycounseling.com/say-no-without-guilt/) **Published:** September 15, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![How to say no without feeling guilty man saying no](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/The-power-of-no-stop-people-pleasing-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) There’s a particular kind of tired that comes from a full calendar you never actually agreed to. You didn’t sit down and choose all of it. It just… accumulated. A favor here, a shift there, a “can you just handle this” that turned into a standing responsibility. And somewhere in the middle of all that dependability, you lost track of what you actually wanted to say yes to. If any of that sounds familiar, you’ve likely had a lot more practice saying yes than saying no. For a lot of men, being agreeable gets rewarded early and often. ## Why Saying No Can Feel So Hard Every yes has a cost. That’s easy to say and surprisingly hard to live by, because the cost of saying yes is usually invisible in the moment. You don’t feel the hour you’ll lose on Saturday when you agree to help a friend move. You don’t feel the mental bandwidth a new work project will eat until it’s already eating it. The cost shows up later, quietly, as fatigue, resentment, or a low hum of being stretched too thin. Saying no, on the other hand, has a cost you feel immediately: the awkward pause, the possibility that someone is disappointed, the fear of being seen as less dependable. That immediate discomfort is loud. The long-term cost of overcommitting is quiet. Loud usually wins, which is part of why setting boundaries without guilt is so much harder than it sounds. ## Why Men May Miss the People-Pleasing Pattern Most men who overcommit would never describe themselves as people pleasers. That term tends to conjure someone anxious and eager to be liked, and that’s not how most guys experience it internally. Instead, the internal script usually sounds more like: **I’m reliable. I handle things. I don’t let people down. I’m the guy people can count on.** Those aren’t unhealthy beliefs on their own — they’re often genuinely good qualities. Reliability is a strength. Being someone others can count on is part of what makes a good friend, partner, or coworker. The trouble isn’t the trait itself. It’s what happens when there’s no room for limits attached to it. When “I handle things” quietly becomes “I handle everything, always, regardless of what it costs me,” dependability stops being a strength and starts being a trap. **Related:** [Stop Shoulding On Yourself!](https://guycounseling.com/should-statements/) This is also why people pleasing in men can look so different from the stereotype. It rarely looks like fawning or excessive flattery. More often it looks like staying stoic under pressure, never admitting when something hurts, lending money you can’t really spare, quietly picking up the slack at work, or being the one who’s “always available” — even when availability comes at real personal cost. In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen this pattern show up in men who would never describe themselves as people pleasers. They just see themselves as someone who gets things done. ## How the Pattern Gets Learned Chronic yes-saying isn’t usually a fixed personality trait. It’s a strategy that got reinforced over time, often starting long before adulthood. One of my first jobs was working in the dairy section of a grocery store. Somewhere along the way, I became the guy managers could count on — when someone called off, when they needed extra hands to stay late, when there was more work than time to do it. At the time, I just thought of it as being a good employee. I liked being known as dependable. Looking back, I can see how that pattern took hold. Saying yes brought recognition. It made me feel useful, and that feeling reinforced the behavior every time it happened. Nothing about it was a conscious decision to become a people pleaser — it was reinforcement, plain and simple. Approval and usefulness kept the pattern going, until saying no started to feel less like a normal option and more like letting someone down. ## Why Guilt Shows Up When You Start Setting Boundaries Here’s something worth sitting with: guilt is not proof that you did something wrong. It’s just a feeling, and feelings are notoriously bad at distinguishing between “I violated my own values” and “I did something unfamiliar that made someone else uncomfortable.” When you’ve spent years being the reliable one, the first few times you say no, your brain may react as though something risky is happening — because in the old pattern, it kind of was. Saying no used to risk disapproval, and your brain learned to avoid that risk at almost any cost. So when you finally do set a limit, the guilt that shows up isn’t a signal that the boundary was wrong. It’s more like an alarm going off because something changed, not because something bad happened. This is part of why saying no feels so uncomfortable even when the boundary itself is completely reasonable. Discomfort and wrongdoing are not the same thing, even though they can feel identical in the moment. ## Practical Ways to Say No Without Overexplaining One of the most common mistakes is treating a simple no like it needs a courtroom-level defense. It doesn’t. In fact, the longer and more elaborate the explanation, the more it can sound like you’re negotiating — which invites the other person to push back and negotiate too. A clean, short response is almost always more effective than a long, apologetic one. A few examples worth having ready: **“Let me check and get back to you.”** This buys you time and interrupts the automatic yes before it leaves your mouth. **“I can’t take that on right now.”** Simple, honest, no elaborate justification required. **“My plate is full.”** True, direct, and doesn’t invite a debate about whether your plate is “really” full. **“I’m not available that day.”** No need to explain what you’re doing instead. Notice none of these require an apology, a lengthy backstory, or proof that your reasons are good enough. That’s intentional. Assertiveness for men often gets tangled up with the idea that you need an airtight case to say no — you don’t. A boundary is a statement, not an argument. It also helps to build in a pause before answering. Even a few seconds — “let me think about it” instead of an instant yes — interrupts the automatic-agreement reflex and gives you a moment to check in with what you actually want, rather than what will keep the peace fastest. ## How to Handle Other People’s Disappointment This might be the hardest part: someone else being disappointed does not automatically mean your boundary was inappropriate. Those two things get fused together for a lot of men — “they’re upset” gets translated into “I did something wrong” — but disappointment is just an emotion the other person is having. It’s information about their reaction, not a verdict on your decision. **Related:** [How to quiet your anxious mind](https://guycounseling.com/quiet-mind-turn-your-brain-off/) This is where distress tolerance comes in. People who are used to you saying yes may initially react to a no with surprise, mild frustration, or a bit of pushback. That’s not a sign you failed. It’s often just a sign the relationship is recalibrating to a version of you that has limits. Most relationships adjust. The ones that can’t tolerate you having a boundary at all are worth noticing for a different reason entirely. ## Cognitive Rehearsal and Assertiveness Practice Saying no gets easier with repetition, and you don’t have to wait for a high-stakes moment to practice. Cognitive rehearsal — mentally walking through a situation and picturing yourself giving a calm, direct response — can make the real version feel far less foreign when it actually happens. Try running through a scenario you know is coming: a coworker who tends to offload work, a family member who over-asks around the holidays, a friend who assumes you’ll always be the one to drive. Picture the moment, picture your short response, and picture yourself staying steady even if the other person looks surprised. This kind of mental practice isn’t about scripting a perfect performance — it’s about lowering the activation energy it takes to say the thing out loud when the real moment arrives. For readers who want a more structured approach, *The Assertiveness Workbook* by Randy J. Paterson, PhD, is a genuinely useful resource for building this skill step by step, with exercises specifically designed around real-world scenarios like the ones above. [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4crv5aR) for pricing. ## When Saying No Becomes Part of Knowing What You Actually Want There’s a quieter benefit to all of this that goes beyond avoiding burnout. Every time you say no to something that doesn’t fit, you get a little more practice identifying what actually does fit. Boundaries aren’t just protective — they’re clarifying. A man who can say no with some ease is usually also a man who has a clearer sense of his own priorities, because he’s not spending all his energy managing everyone else’s expectations. Fear of disappointing others will probably never fully disappear. But it doesn’t have to run the show. The goal isn’t to become someone who never helps anyone or never says yes. It’s to make yes a real choice again, instead of a reflex. ## More on This Topic Dr. John Moore explores this subject in more depth in Episode 50 of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast, “The Power of No,” where he digs further into why this pattern forms and how men can start shifting it. \[INSERT EPISODE 50 LINK\] ## The Bottom Line Being dependable is not the problem. Having no limits attached to it is. If you’ve built a life where saying yes has become automatic, the good news is that the same repetition that built the pattern can also loosen it. A short pause, a clean no, and a little tolerance for someone else’s temporary disappointment go a lot further than most people expect. --- ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Why do I feel guilty when I say no, even when it’s a reasonable boundary? Guilt is a feeling, not proof of wrongdoing. If you’ve spent years being the reliable one, your mind has learned to associate saying no with risk. The guilt that shows up is often just an old alarm going off, not a sign you made the wrong call. ### How can I say no without sounding rude or cold? A short, direct response is usually more respectful than a long, over-explained one. Phrases like “I can’t take that on right now” or “I’m not available that day” are clear without requiring a justification or an apology. ### What if someone gets upset when I set a boundary? Someone else’s disappointment doesn’t automatically mean your boundary was wrong. It often just means the relationship is adjusting to a version of you that has limits. Most relationships adapt with time. **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** assertiveness, Boundaries, men and mental health, People Pleasing, Relationships, saying no, Self-Esteem, stress --- ### [10 Habits of Men Who Have It Together](https://guycounseling.com/10-habits-of-men-together/) **Published:** September 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man walking dog lakefront has it together ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/man-walking-his-dog-chicago-lakefront-has-his-stuff-together-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) You probably know a guy like this. He’s not perfect — nobody is — but when life throws something at him he doesn’t fall apart. He handles it. His word means something. He seems at ease in his own skin in a way that’s hard to put your finger on. What does he know that you don’t? Here’s the honest answer: nothing. After more than two decades working with men as a licensed therapist in Chicago, I can tell you that the guys who seem to have it together aren’t operating with some secret code. They’re just doing a handful of things consistently that most men skip. And the good news is that every single one of those things is a habit — not a talent, not a personality trait, not something you either have or you don’t. Habits can be learned. They can be built. Starting this week. Here are ten of them. ## **1. They Define Success for Themselves** Most men never do this. They spend their lives chasing a definition of success they didn’t write — the bigger house, the better title, the car that impresses strangers for four seconds at a stoplight. Those rules came from somewhere: parents, coaches, culture, a whole chorus of voices that moved into your head somewhere around junior high. A man who has it together has asked himself a genuinely dangerous question: what do I actually want? Not what would look good. Not what would finally get my father’s approval. What do I want my Tuesday afternoon to feel like? Because a life is mostly made of Tuesday afternoons. When you define success on your own terms, the comparison game loses its grip — and your effort finally has a direction. ## **2. They Keep the Promises They Make to Themselves** Most men are pretty good at keeping their word to other people. Tell your buddy you’ll help him move and you show up. But the promises we break are the private ones — the ones nobody’s watching. I’ll start running Monday. I’ll stop scrolling at midnight. I’ll finally make that call. **Related:** [How to create a morning routine that works!](https://guycounseling.com/healthy-morning-routine-that-works/) Every broken private promise is a withdrawal from your account of self-trust. And low self-trust looks an awful lot like low confidence, because real confidence isn’t hype — it’s evidence. It’s your track record with yourself. The fix isn’t bigger promises. It’s smaller ones, kept consistently. Small moves stack. ## **3. They Take Care of Their Physical Health** This is not about six-pack abs. Your body is not a decoration — it’s the hardware your mind runs on. Every mood you have, every decision you make, every ounce of patience you show your kids runs on that hardware. Movement is one of the most consistent findings in mental health research for managing anxiety and low mood. That’s not bro science. That’s the literature. Men who have it together treat exercise like brushing their teeth. It’s not an event or a phase. It’s maintenance — nonnegotiable and honestly a little boring. And boring is the secret. The flashy thirty-day programs come and go. The guy who walks his dog every single morning for ten years? That guy wins. ## **4. They Protect Their Sleep** Sleep gets its own entry because in my office, it’s where having it together starts falling apart first. Our culture has this old story that running on no sleep is somehow manly. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” But here’s what I see clinically: sleep deprivation is a mood problem wearing a work ethic in disguise. Poor sleep makes you irritable, anxious, foggy, and impulsive. A man who protects his sleep isn’t soft. He’s smart. He knows that how he functions tomorrow is directly connected to his bedtime tonight. He treats that window of rest as sacred — not obsessively, but consistently. If you struggle with insomnia, consider the book The Insomnia Breakthrough ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4wASUFu)). ## **5. They Plan Without Trying to Control Everything** There are two ditches on either side of this road. The first is the guy with no plan at all — he’s not spontaneous, he’s a passenger. Life just happens to him and he calls it bad luck. The second is the guy who plans everything down to the minute and then white-knuckles the steering wheel of the universe. When reality doesn’t follow his script — and it never does — he loses it. The road between those ditches is this: plan the effort, release the outcome. Direction without rigidity. Men who have it together know what they’re doing this week to move their lives forward, but they hold the results loosely. Planning is stewardship. Control is just anxiety in a suit. ## **6. They Manage Their Money Responsibly** I’m a therapist, not a financial advisor, so I’ll tell you what money looks like from the therapy chair. Money stress is a multiplier — it takes every other problem in a man’s life and turns the volume up. Marriage tension gets louder. Job frustration gets louder. The three a.m. ceiling stare gets much louder. The men I’ve observed who have it together are almost never the wealthiest guys in the room. They’re the ones with the fewest financial surprises. They know what comes in and what goes out. They pay themselves something first. And they understand one crucial distinction: the savings account is not the spending account. ## **7. They Maintain Their Relationships** Men have a friendship problem. The research on male loneliness is genuinely sobering. Somewhere in our thirties and forties, a lot of us just let our friendships starve — not on purpose, but because we stopped watering the plant. And then the only time we reach out is when we need something. Men who have it together treat friendship like maintenance. A text that says “saw this and thought of you.” A standing breakfast once a month. Showing up to the funeral and then checking back three weeks later — that second one is the one everybody forgets. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, an eighty-year longitudinal study of men’s lives, found that the quality of relationships was a stronger predictor of longevity than cholesterol or genetics. Your friendships are not a luxury item. They’re load-bearing walls. ## **8. They Take Responsibility for Their Mistakes** Notice I didn’t say they beat themselves up. Those are opposites. Beating yourself up is actually a sneaky way of dodging responsibility — if I’m busy telling everyone what a failure I am, I’m not fixing anything. The self-attack becomes the whole show. Real responsibility sounds different. It sounds like: I did that. I’m not going to blame traffic or my boss or my past. Here’s what I’m doing about it. An apology without changed behavior is just a request to keep doing the same thing. A man who can own his mistakes becomes strangely unshakeable — because he’s not burning energy defending a version of himself that never screws up. That guy doesn’t exist. Letting go of him is a relief. ## **9. They Ask for Help Before Their Lives Hit a Crisis Point** Think about the oil light in your car. When it comes on, you’ve got two kinds of guys. Guy one pulls over and deals with it — twenty minutes and a quart of oil. Guy two puts a piece of tape over the light because he doesn’t have time for this right now. Six months later he’s on the shoulder of the highway with a seized engine and a four-thousand-dollar problem. **Related:** [How to stop spiraling now!](https://guycounseling.com/what-to-do-when-youre-spiraling/) Men do this with their inner lives constantly. The tape looks like one more drink than usual, more hours at the office, a shorter temper at home. We tape over the light for months. Years sometimes. The men who have it together ask for help while problems are still small. That’s not in spite of their strength. That is their strength. ## **10. They Regularly Examine Where Their Lives Are Headed** Everything on this list gets built and maintained by this one habit. Think of it as the audit. Most men run on autopilot for years — the same loop of work, screens, and sleep. Autopilot is fine for a Tuesday. But nobody should autopilot a decade. I’ve sat with too many men in their fifties who looked up one day and asked, “How did I get here?” The answer is always the same: one unexamined year at a time. Men who have it together set aside time — monthly, quarterly, whatever works — to ask a few honest questions. Is my life pointed where I want it to go? Which of these habits is slipping? And the one I find most useful: what am I pretending not to notice? That last question will change your life if you let it. And notice how it circles back to habit one — defining success for yourself isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a conversation you keep having with yourself for the rest of your life. ## **Nobody Bats Ten for Ten** I don’t either. The point of this list isn’t perfection — it’s direction. Pick the one that stings a little when you read it. That’s the one you need. Take one small action on it this week. Not all ten. One. If you want to go deeper on any of these habits — the stories behind them, the clinical reasoning, and a few tangents I’m not sure you’ll find anywhere else — I covered all ten in Episode 49 of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast. You can find it wherever you listen. — **Related Posts and Reading** [10 things guys do that decrease self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) [15 best self-help podcasts for depression and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** accountability, Confidence, emotional health, guy counseling, habits, healthy masculinity, masculinity, men's podcast, men's self help, men’s mental health, personal development, personal growth, self discipline, Self-Improvement, therapy for men --- ### [How to Take Your Thoughts to Court](https://guycounseling.com/thought-court-cbt-exercise/) **Published:** July 12, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Man standing beside a table with a gavel and notepad for a Thought Court CBT exercise](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/taking-thoughts-to-court.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [👉 \[DOWNLOAD THOUGHT COURT WORKSHEET HERE\] 👈](#%F0%9F%91%89_DOWNLOAD_THOUGHT_COURT_WORKSHEET_HERE_%F0%9F%91%88) - [What Is Thought Court?](#What_Is_Thought_Court) - [Why Anxious Thoughts Sound So Convincing](#Why_Anxious_Thoughts_Sound_So_Convincing) - [Meet Nick: The Layoff Spiral](#Meet_Nick_The_Layoff_Spiral) - [Step 1: Name the Thought on Trial](#Step_1_Name_the_Thought_on_Trial) - [Step 2: Let the Prosecution Present Its Case](#Step_2_Let_the_Prosecution_Present_Its_Case) - [Step 3: Call the Defense](#Step_3_Call_the_Defense) - [Step 4: Cross-Examine the Evidence](#Step_4_Cross-Examine_the_Evidence) - [Step 5: Ask “Is That Really True?”](#Step_5_Ask_%E2%80%9CIs_That_Really_True%E2%80%9D) - [Step 6: Reach a Balanced Verdict](#Step_6_Reach_a_Balanced_Verdict) - [Possible Verdicts in Thought Court](#Possible_Verdicts_in_Thought_Court) - [Not supported by the evidence](#Not_supported_by_the_evidence) - [Possible, but not proven](#Possible_but_not_proven) - [Partly true, but exaggerated](#Partly_true_but_exaggerated) - [More information is needed](#More_information_is_needed) - [Emotionally convincing, but factually weak](#Emotionally_convincing_but_factually_weak) - [A real concern that requires a measured response](#A_real_concern_that_requires_a_measured_response) - [When the Prosecution Has a Real Point](#When_the_Prosecution_Has_a_Real_Point) - [Common Thinking Traps That Show Up in Court](#Common_Thinking_Traps_That_Show_Up_in_Court) - [Catastrophizing](#Catastrophizing) - [Mind Reading](#Mind_Reading) - [Fortune Telling](#Fortune_Telling) - [Emotional Reasoning](#Emotional_Reasoning) - [All-or-Nothing Thinking](#All-or-Nothing_Thinking) - [Overgeneralizing](#Overgeneralizing) - [Selective Attention](#Selective_Attention) - [Quick Thought Court Examples](#Quick_Thought_Court_Examples) - [“She has not texted back, so the relationship is over.”](#%E2%80%9CShe_has_not_texted_back_so_the_relationship_is_over%E2%80%9D) - [“I made one mistake, so I am getting fired.”](#%E2%80%9CI_made_one_mistake_so_I_am_getting_fired%E2%80%9D) - [“He sounded annoyed, so he hates me.”](#%E2%80%9CHe_sounded_annoyed_so_he_hates_me%E2%80%9D) - [“I felt a strange symptom, so something terrible is wrong.”](#%E2%80%9CI_felt_a_strange_symptom_so_something_terrible_is_wrong%E2%80%9D) - [“I embarrassed myself, and everyone is still thinking about it.”](#%E2%80%9CI_embarrassed_myself_and_everyone_is_still_thinking_about_it%E2%80%9D) - [“My friend did not invite me, so nobody really likes me.”](#%E2%80%9CMy_friend_did_not_invite_me_so_nobody_really_likes_me%E2%80%9D) - [A Thought Court Worksheet You Can Use](#A_Thought_Court_Worksheet_You_Can_Use) - [1. What is the thought on trial?](#1_What_is_the_thought_on_trial) - [2. What does the prosecution say?](#2_What_does_the_prosecution_say) - [3. What evidence supports the thought?](#3_What_evidence_supports_the_thought) - [4. What is the defense’s response?](#4_What_is_the_defenses_response) - [5. What evidence is missing?](#5_What_evidence_is_missing) - [6. Am I assuming facts not in evidence?](#6_Am_I_assuming_facts_not_in_evidence) - [7. How accurate is the thought?](#7_How_accurate_is_the_thought) - [8. What is the fairest verdict?](#8_What_is_the_fairest_verdict) - [9. What action makes sense now?](#9_What_action_makes_sense_now) - [Use Thought Court After the Intensity Comes Down](#Use_Thought_Court_After_the_Intensity_Comes_Down) - [When Thought Court Is Not Enough](#When_Thought_Court_Is_Not_Enough) - [OCD and Intrusive Thoughts](#OCD_and_Intrusive_Thoughts) - [Panic](#Panic) - [Trauma](#Trauma) - [Depression](#Depression) - [Psychosis or Major Changes in Perception](#Psychosis_or_Major_Changes_in_Perception) - [Medical Symptoms](#Medical_Symptoms) - [Substance Use](#Substance_Use) - [Crisis Situations](#Crisis_Situations) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [Is Thought Court the Same as Positive Thinking?](#Is_Thought_Court_the_Same_as_Positive_Thinking) - [What If the Thought Could Actually Happen?](#What_If_the_Thought_Could_Actually_Happen) - [What If I Cannot Think of Anything for the Defense?](#What_If_I_Cannot_Think_of_Anything_for_the_Defense) - [Am I Supposed to Argue With Every Negative Thought?](#Am_I_Supposed_to_Argue_With_Every_Negative_Thought) - [Can I Use Thought Court for Relationship Anxiety?](#Can_I_Use_Thought_Court_for_Relationship_Anxiety) - [What If the Verdict Still Makes Me Anxious?](#What_If_the_Verdict_Still_Makes_Me_Anxious) - [Should I Write the Exercise Down?](#Should_I_Write_the_Exercise_Down) - [A Downloadable Thoughts on Trial Worksheet](#A_Downloadable_Thoughts_on_Trial_Worksheet) - [Related Reading](#Related_Reading) - [The Final Message](#The_Final_Message) ### 👉 \[[DOWNLOAD THOUGHT COURT WORKSHEET HERE](https://guycounseling.com/pf1q)\] 👈 When I was a kid, I loved watching *The People’s Court*. Judge Wapner sat behind the bench. Rusty the bailiff kept order. And after the case wrapped up, Doug Llewelyn talked with the people involved about what had just happened. But the part that fascinated me most was the process. One person presented a version of events. Then the other person got a chance to respond. Evidence was considered. Questions were asked. Only after both sides had been heard did anyone reach a verdict. Anxiety rarely offers us that kind of fairness. An anxious thought can enter the mind, make a frightening accusation, present a handful of suspicious details, and immediately declare the case closed. *You are going to lose your job.* *Your relationship is falling apart.* *That strange symptom means something terrible.* *Everyone noticed your mistake.* *Your future is ruined.* There is no defense attorney. No cross-examination. No careful review of the facts. Anxiety acts as prosecutor, judge, and jury—and sometimes tries to serve as the executioner too. That is why I sometimes tell clients: **“Don’t let anxiety win. Take the thought to court.”** Clients will often laugh when I say this. That little bit of humor matters. It can lower the emotional temperature just enough for us to step back and look at the thought rather than automatically obeying it. That is the idea behind **Thought Court**. It is a practical way to examine a frightening, catastrophic, or emotionally loaded thought before allowing it to become a verdict about you, another person, or your future. TAKE IT TO COURT **Do not let an anxious thought issue its own verdict.** ## What Is Thought Court? Thought Court is a simple exercise based on cognitive behavioral therapy, commonly called CBT. CBT teaches us that thoughts are worth examining, especially when they arrive sounding completely certain. The goal is not to pretend that everything is wonderful. It is not about forcing yourself to “think positively.” And it does not require you to argue with every uncomfortable thought that enters your mind. Instead, Thought Court asks you to slow the process down. You identify the thought. You examine the evidence supporting it. You consider information that challenges it or adds context. Then you reach the most balanced conclusion available based on what you currently know. In Thought Court: - **The prosecution** presents evidence supporting the anxious thought. - **The defense** presents evidence that challenges, weakens, or adds context to it. - **The judge** considers the full record. - **The verdict** becomes the fairest conclusion supported by the evidence. The central question is simple: ASK THE QUESTION **Is that really true?** Not: *“Could it possibly happen?”* Almost anything is technically possible. The better question is: **Do I have enough evidence to treat this thought as a fact right now?** ## ![man journaling in his thought court journal](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/thought-court-exercise-man-journaling.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why Anxious Thoughts Sound So Convincing Anxious thoughts are often called **automatic thoughts** because they seem to appear without effort. Something happens, and your mind immediately assigns meaning to it. Your supervisor looks distracted. Your partner takes longer than usual to answer a text. You notice an unfamiliar sensation in your body. A friend does not invite you somewhere. Within seconds, the mind begins writing a story. The problem is not that you noticed something. The problem is that anxiety often fills in missing information with the most threatening explanation available. It may use thinking patterns such as: - **Catastrophizing:** Expecting the worst possible outcome. - **Mind reading:** Assuming you know what another person thinks or feels. - **Fortune telling:** Predicting the future without enough evidence. - **Emotional reasoning:** Treating a strong feeling as proof. - **All-or-nothing thinking:** Viewing an event as a total success or complete failure. - **Awfulizing:** Turning something difficult or uncertain into the most awful possible outcome. Catastrophizing is sometimes called awfulizing. That is exactly what it sounds like: the mind takes something uncomfortable, difficult, or uncertain and turns it into the most terrible outcome imaginable. A strong emotional reaction can then make the story feel even more believable. *“I feel terrified”* quietly becomes *“I must be in danger.”* *“I feel rejected”* becomes *“Nobody likes me.”* *“I feel uncertain”* becomes *“Something bad is definitely about to happen.”* ASSUMING FACTS NOT IN EVIDENCE **A strong feeling can make a prediction sound like proof.** Your feelings are real and deserve attention. But feelings and facts are not always the same thing. Thought Court helps separate the two. ## Meet Nick: The Layoff Spiral Let’s look at how this works with a fictional example. *Nick is a composite character created for educational purposes. His situation combines common themes that show up in therapy, but he is not an identifiable client.* Nick works for a large company. One morning, he hears that another department is laying off several employees. Later that day, company leadership sends an email mentioning cost cutting. Nick notices that his supervisor seems distracted during a conversation. Then an unexpected team meeting appears on his calendar for Friday morning. By the end of the workday, Nick is no longer thinking: *“There may be changes happening at the company.”* His thought has become: **“I am definitely going to be laid off.”** Within another hour, his mind jumps several steps farther. *“I am losing my job.”* *“My career is over.”* *“I will not be able to pay my bills.”* *“I will lose everything I have worked for.”* Nick has gone from hearing about layoffs in another department to mentally packing up his office. His anxiety has already held the trial, reached a verdict, and handed down the sentence. This is where we take the thought to court. ## Step 1: Name the Thought on Trial The first step is identifying the exact thought you are examining. This sounds easy, but people often begin with feelings instead. *“I feel anxious.”* *“I feel awful.”* *“I feel like something is wrong.”* Those feelings matter, but they are not the thought on trial. Ask: **What am I telling myself is happening or will happen?** Nick’s thought is: **“I am definitely going to be laid off.”** Notice the certainty in that statement. Not: *“I am worried that layoffs might affect my department.”* Not: *“There is a possibility that my job could eventually be affected.”* The thought says it is definitely happening. That is the charge before the court. ## Step 2: Let the Prosecution Present Its Case Thought Court does not begin by dismissing the anxious thought. The prosecution gets to speak. This is important because sometimes anxiety is reacting to a real concern. Nick did not invent the layoffs. People in another department really are losing their jobs. The prosecution presents the following evidence: - Another department announced layoffs. - The company has discussed cutting costs. - Nick’s supervisor seemed distant. - An unexpected meeting appeared on the calendar. Those are relevant facts. We do not need to say, *“You are being ridiculous. There is nothing to worry about.”* That would not be accurate or helpful. Instead, we might say: **“The prosecution has raised a legitimate concern. Let’s examine whether it has proved the entire case.”** ## Step 3: Call the Defense Now the defense gets an opportunity to respond. This is the part anxiety often skips. The defense is not responsible for proving that everything will definitely be fine. Its role is to present relevant information that the prosecution ignored, minimized, or left out. In Nick’s case, the defense offers the following: - No layoffs have been announced in Nick’s department. - Nick recently received a positive performance review. - The upcoming meeting includes the entire team. - Nick’s supervisor has been managing a major deadline. - Nobody has told Nick that his position is at risk. - Nick has no written warning, performance concern, or other direct indication that he is being dismissed. At this point, I might say: **“Let’s hear from the defense before the judge reaches a verdict.”** Or: **“Objection. That sounds like an assumption presented as evidence.”** Clients often smile when they hear that. The thought may still feel frightening, but it no longer gets to dominate the room without challenge. THE DEFENSE GETS TO SPEAK **The goal is not to destroy the thought. It is to examine the full record.** ## Step 4: Cross-Examine the Evidence Now we look more closely at each piece of evidence. The prosecution says Nick’s supervisor seemed distant. But what does “distant” mean? Was the supervisor unusually short with Nick? Did the supervisor avoid discussing future projects? Did the supervisor mention job cuts? Or did the supervisor simply appear distracted? Cross-examination asks: - Is this a fact or an interpretation? - Are there other reasonable explanations? - Is the evidence direct or circumstantial? - Am I treating a possibility as a certainty? - Am I leaving out information that does not fit my fear? - Would another person necessarily reach the same conclusion? - What evidence would I need before considering this thought proven? Nick’s supervisor may have seemed distracted because of the upcoming deadline. The team meeting may concern the layoffs. It may also concern a new project, a staffing update, quarterly results, or routine company communication. The meeting is evidence that something will be discussed. It is not evidence that Nick is personally being fired. **Counsel is assuming facts not in evidence.** Learning to spot those assumptions is one way of confronting [negative self-talk](https://guycounseling.com/combatting-negative-self-talk-31/) before it becomes accepted as fact. ## Step 5: Ask “Is That Really True?” This is the heart of Thought Court. Ask yourself: **Is that really true?** Then get more specific: - Is the thought completely true? - Is it partly true? - Is it possible but not proven? - Is it based mostly on a feeling? - Is the concern real but exaggerated? - Is important evidence missing? - What do I know, and what am I filling in? The fact that layoffs are happening elsewhere is true. The idea that Nick could eventually be affected is possible. The claim that Nick is definitely losing his job has not been established. ASK THE QUESTION **Is that really true?** This question is not meant to shame you for having the thought. It is an invitation to become curious. ## Step 6: Reach a Balanced Verdict A useful verdict should be realistic, specific, and supported by the available evidence. Nick’s balanced verdict might be: > **“Layoffs elsewhere in the company give me a legitimate reason to feel concerned. However, there is not currently enough evidence to conclude that I am losing my job.”** That is different from saying: *“Everything will definitely be fine.”* **Thought Court is not forced-positive-thinking court.** A fair verdict may still contain uncertainty. It may acknowledge a legitimate risk. It may even identify a problem that requires action. But the verdict should not go beyond the evidence. BALANCED VERDICT **A fair verdict is not always comforting. It is more accurate.** Nick may decide to prepare a few questions for the meeting, review his finances, update his résumé, or speak with his supervisor. Those can be reasonable actions. What he no longer needs to do is treat his imagined firing as an event that has already occurred. ## Possible Verdicts in Thought Court Not every case ends with “not guilty.” Sometimes the prosecution has raised a valid point. ### Not supported by the evidence There is little or no reliable evidence that the thought is true. ### Possible, but not proven The feared outcome could happen, but there is not enough information to treat it as a fact. ### Partly true, but exaggerated The thought contains some truth, but anxiety has expanded it beyond what the evidence supports. ### More information is needed There is not enough evidence to reach a responsible conclusion. ### Emotionally convincing, but factually weak The thought feels powerful because the emotion is intense, not because the evidence is strong. ### A real concern that requires a measured response The evidence suggests that action may be needed, but panic, impulsivity, or catastrophic conclusions are unlikely to help. These verdicts make room for nuance. Thought Court is not designed to dismiss every concern. It is designed to give each concern an appropriate amount of weight. ## When the Prosecution Has a Real Point Sometimes the anxious thought is pointing toward a real problem. Perhaps your employer has directly told you that your position is being eliminated. Perhaps your partner has repeatedly violated an important boundary. Perhaps you have received concerning medical test results. Perhaps your finances genuinely need attention. In those cases, the verdict should not be: *“This is all in my head.”* A more accurate verdict might be: **“This is a real concern, and I need to respond thoughtfully.”** Thought Court can help you distinguish between: - A real problem and a predicted disaster. - A warning sign and a guaranteed outcome. - Responsible preparation and panic-driven action. - Something you can influence and something you cannot control. You do not have to minimize reality to challenge catastrophizing. You only have to stay within the evidence. ## Common Thinking Traps That Show Up in Court ### Catastrophizing *“If this goes badly, everything will be ruined.”* ### Mind Reading *“He was quiet, so he must be angry with me.”* ### Fortune Telling *“I already know how this will turn out.”* ### Emotional Reasoning *“I feel unsafe, so I must be in danger.”* ### All-or-Nothing Thinking *“If I am not perfect, I am a failure.”* ### Overgeneralizing *“One painful experience means this always happens to me.”* ### Selective Attention Focusing only on details that support the fear while ignoring evidence that does not. When you recognize one of these patterns, you do not need to yell at yourself or declare the thought irrational. You can simply say: **“Interesting. The prosecution appears to be relying heavily on fortune telling.”** That little bit of distance can help. Examining the facts behind a frightening conclusion is also one of several useful [coping skills for anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/coping-skills-anxiety/). ## Quick Thought Court Examples ### “She has not texted back, so the relationship is over.” **Prosecution:** She usually answers sooner. **Defense:** She may be busy, driving, working, sleeping, or taking time to think. **Verdict:** The delayed reply is uncomfortable, but it does not prove the relationship is over. ### “I made one mistake, so I am getting fired.” **Prosecution:** The mistake was embarrassing and my supervisor noticed it. **Defense:** People make mistakes. I corrected it, accepted responsibility, and have received no warning that my job is at risk. **Verdict:** I made a mistake that needs attention. It does not automatically mean I am being fired. ### “He sounded annoyed, so he hates me.” **Prosecution:** His voice sounded irritated. **Defense:** He may have been stressed, tired, distracted, or annoyed about something unrelated. **Verdict:** He may have been annoyed, but I do not have evidence that he hates me. ### “I felt a strange symptom, so something terrible is wrong.” **Prosecution:** The sensation was unusual and frightening. **Defense:** Many symptoms have ordinary explanations, and I do not have a diagnosis. **Verdict:** The symptom deserves an appropriate medical response if it is severe, persistent, or concerning. It does not help to diagnose myself with the worst-case scenario. ### “I embarrassed myself, and everyone is still thinking about it.” **Prosecution:** People saw what happened. **Defense:** Most people are focused on their own lives, and there is no evidence they are continuing to analyze the event. **Verdict:** I felt embarrassed, but I cannot conclude that everyone is still thinking about it. ### “My friend did not invite me, so nobody really likes me.” **Prosecution:** I was left out. **Defense:** One invitation does not define every friendship. I do not know why the gathering was arranged that way. **Verdict:** Being left out hurts. It may be worth asking about, but it does not prove that nobody likes me. ## ![man contemplating his thought court](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/man-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## A Thought Court Worksheet You Can Use You can complete this exercise in a notebook, on your phone, or on a printed page. ### 1. What is the thought on trial? Write the thought exactly as it appears in your mind. --- ### 2. What does the prosecution say? Summarize the argument supporting the thought. --- ### 3. What evidence supports the thought? List observable facts rather than feelings, guesses, or predictions. --- ### 4. What is the defense’s response? Consider alternative explanations, missing context, and evidence that challenges the thought. --- ### 5. What evidence is missing? Identify what you would need to know before reaching a confident conclusion. --- ### 6. Am I assuming facts not in evidence? Notice mind reading, fortune telling, catastrophizing, and emotional reasoning. --- ### 7. How accurate is the thought? Choose the closest description: - Completely true - Partly true - Possible but unproven - Exaggerated - Unsupported - More information needed --- ### 8. What is the fairest verdict? Write a balanced conclusion that acknowledges both the facts and the uncertainty. --- ### 9. What action makes sense now? Choose one measured action. That might mean asking a question, gathering more information, setting a boundary, making an appointment, completing a task, or allowing uncertainty to exist without taking immediate action. ## Use Thought Court After the Intensity Comes Down Thought Court works best when you are calm enough to think. When your nervous system is highly activated, you may not be ready to examine evidence. Your first job may be to slow your breathing, orient yourself to the present moment, move your body, or use another grounding skill. Another option is using a visualization exercise such as the [Circle of Confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) to help settle your mind and access a steadier emotional state before examining the thought. That is the difference between Thought Court and the tools discussed in [**what to do when you’re spiraling**](https://guycounseling.com/what-to-do-when-youre-spiraling/). The spiraling toolbox answers: > **“What can I do right now to lower the intensity?”** Thought Court answers: > **“Now that I am steadier, how do I examine the thought itself?”** You do not have to hold court while the courthouse is on fire. **Settle your body first. Then review the case.** ## When Thought Court Is Not Enough Thought Court can be useful, but it is not appropriate for every situation. It is not a substitute for therapy, crisis support, medical care, substance-use treatment, or a professional evaluation. ### OCD and Intrusive Thoughts For some people with obsessive-compulsive disorder, repeatedly debating or disproving an intrusive thought can become a mental compulsion. The person may feel temporarily reassured, only to have the doubt return and demand another trial. In those situations, treatment involving exposure and response prevention, often called ERP, may be more appropriate than repeatedly reviewing the evidence. ### Panic During a panic attack, the body may be too activated for careful cognitive work. Grounding, breathing, and allowing the panic response to pass may need to come first. ### Trauma Trauma reactions are not simply bad thoughts that can be argued away. A trauma-informed therapist can help address both the nervous system response and the meanings connected to the experience. ### Depression Severe depression can make negative conclusions feel absolute. Professional support may be needed, particularly when hopelessness, isolation, or thoughts of death are present. ### Psychosis or Major Changes in Perception Thought Court is not designed to replace professional assessment when someone is experiencing hallucinations, delusions, severe confusion, or a significant break from reality. ### Medical Symptoms Do not use Thought Court to dismiss serious, sudden, persistent, or worsening symptoms. Seek appropriate medical care. ### Substance Use Alcohol and other substances can intensify anxiety, distort judgment, and make it harder to evaluate thoughts accurately. Substance-use support may be needed alongside other care. ### Crisis Situations If you may harm yourself or someone else, cannot stay safe, or are experiencing a psychiatric emergency, seek immediate crisis or emergency assistance. You do not need to handle that moment alone. WHEN TO GET HELP **Thought Court is a self-reflection tool. It is not a substitute for therapy, crisis support, medical care, or professional assessment.** People who want structured support with exercises like this may also benefit from learning more about CBT and practical therapy tools. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Is Thought Court the Same as Positive Thinking? No. Positive thinking may encourage you to focus on an optimistic outcome. Thought Court focuses on accuracy. A balanced verdict may be hopeful, neutral, uncertain, or uncomfortable. The goal is to reach the fairest conclusion based on the evidence. ### What If the Thought Could Actually Happen? Then the verdict may be: **“Possible, but not proven.”** A possibility does not automatically become a prediction. Thought Court helps you respond to real uncertainty without treating the worst-case scenario as inevitable. ### What If I Cannot Think of Anything for the Defense? Imagine that a friend brought the same case to you. What questions would you ask? What information might they be missing? Would you consider their conclusion proven? You can also ask: **“What evidence would make this thought less certain?”** ### Am I Supposed to Argue With Every Negative Thought? No. Not every thought deserves a full trial. Some can be noticed and allowed to pass. Thought Court is most useful when a thought is persistent, emotionally intense, or driving an unhelpful action. ### Can I Use Thought Court for Relationship Anxiety? Yes, particularly when you notice mind reading, fortune telling, or catastrophic assumptions. But Thought Court should not be used to rationalize repeated mistreatment, manipulation, abuse, or clear boundary violations. ### What If the Verdict Still Makes Me Anxious? An accurate verdict does not always remove anxiety. Sometimes the most balanced conclusion is: **“I do not know yet.”** Learning to tolerate uncertainty can be part of the work. ### Should I Write the Exercise Down? Writing can help slow the process and make the evidence easier to examine. It also allows you to see whether the prosecution is repeatedly presenting the same assumptions as new evidence. ## A Downloadable Thoughts on Trial Worksheet The Thought Court exercise in this article is my own approach, shaped by the language and examples I use when helping clients examine anxious thinking. The broader courtroom metaphor is also used in established cognitive restructuring exercises. I have created a version of this worksheet for you to download free by using this link. No strings attached. That worksheet provides another structured way to examine evidence for and against a distressing thought before reaching a more balanced verdict. [Get your Thought Court Worksheet here](https://guycounseling.com/pf1q). ## Related Reading - [**What to Do When You’re Spiraling: A Practical Toolbox**](https://guycounseling.com/what-to-do-when-youre-spiraling/) - [**5 Simple Coping Skills for Anxiety**](https://guycounseling.com/coping-skills-anxiety/) - [**7 Ways to Confront Negative Self-Talk**](https://guycounseling.com/combatting-negative-self-talk-31/) ## The Final Message Your mind is going to produce thoughts. Some will be useful. Some will be painful. Some will arrive wearing a suit, carrying a briefcase, and speaking with enormous confidence despite having very little evidence. You do not have to believe every argument simply because it appeared in your mind. The next time anxiety announces that disaster is certain, pause. Name the thought. Hear the prosecution. Call the defense. Cross-examine the assumptions. Ask: **“Is that really true?”** Then reach the fairest verdict you can. Your mind has filed charges. Before it convicts you—or your future—make sure the whole case has been heard. **Don’t let anxiety win. Take the thought to court.** **Related Reading** - [**How to Create a Circle of Confidence for Mental Excellence**](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** anxiety coping skills, anxious thoughts, catastrophizing, CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive restructuring, emotional reasoning, fortune telling, mind reading, negative self-talk, overthinking, Thought Court --- ### [Pisces Man Ultimate Guide](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) **Published:** August 25, 2026 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-man-1.jpg?resize=783%2C523&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [PISCES MAN TRAITS, CHARACTERISTICS](#PISCES_MAN_TRAITS_CHARACTERISTICS) - [PISCES MAN OVERVIEW](#PISCES_MAN_OVERVIEW) - [PISCES MEN: PERSONALITY TRAITS](#PISCES_MEN_PERSONALITY_TRAITS) - [QUICK DISCLOSURE](#QUICK_DISCLOSURE) - [PISCES MEN: POSITIVE, NEGATIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS](#PISCES_MEN_POSITIVE_NEGATIVE_PERSONALITY_TRAITS) - [PISCES MAN BACKGROUND](#PISCES_MAN_BACKGROUND) - [RULING PLANETS IMPACT ON PISCES](#RULING_PLANETS_IMPACT_ON_PISCES) - [PISCES MAN: TRAITS THAT STAND OUT](#PISCES_MAN_TRAITS_THAT_STAND_OUT) - [Loves the Sea](#Loves_the_Sea) - [Special Relationship with Animals](#Special_Relationship_with_Animals) - [Caretakers](#Caretakers) - [Empathic and Intuitive](#Empathic_and_Intuitive) - [Indecisive](#Indecisive) - [1. PISCES MAN TEMPERAMENT](#1_PISCES_MAN_TEMPERAMENT) - [2. PISCES MAN AS A FRIEND](#2_PISCES_MAN_AS_A_FRIEND) - [3. PISCES MAN CAREER](#3_PISCES_MAN_CAREER) - [4. PISCES MAN MONEY](#4_PISCES_MAN_MONEY) - [5. PISCES MAN PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAITS](#5_PISCES_MAN_PSYCHOLOGICAL_TRAITS) - [PISCES MAN SUMMED UP](#PISCES_MAN_SUMMED_UP) - [6. WHAT IT’S LIKE DATING A PISCES MAN?](#6_WHAT_ITS_LIKE_DATING_A_PISCES_MAN) - [If you are dating a Pisces man, keep the following in mind: ](#If_you_are_dating_a_Pisces_man_keep_the_following_in_mind) - [7. WHAT’S SEX LIKE WITH A PISCES MAN?](#7_WHATS_SEX_LIKE_WITH_A_PISCES_MAN) - [8. PISCES MALE AROUSAL ZONES](#8_PISCES_MALE_AROUSAL_ZONES) - [9. HOW TO ATTRACT PISCES MEN](#9_HOW_TO_ATTRACT_PISCES_MEN) - [10. PISCES MALE COMPATIBILITY](#10_PISCES_MALE_COMPATIBILITY) - [PISCES MALE PERSONALITY VIDEO](#PISCES_MALE_PERSONALITY_VIDEO) - [PISCES MEN & HEALTH PROBLEMS](#PISCES_MEN_HEALTH_PROBLEMS) - [FAMOUS PISCES MEN ](#FAMOUS_PISCES_MEN) - [PISCES MYTHS](#PISCES_MYTHS) - [PISCES MEN LUCKY STONES](#PISCES_MEN_LUCKY_STONES) - [PISCES BOOK](#PISCES_BOOK) - [PISCES MEN SUMMARY](#PISCES_MEN_SUMMARY) ## **PISCES MAN TRAITS, CHARACTERISTICS** Hunting for information on the Pisces man? Are you trying to figure out if your sign is compatible? Do you have questions about how Pisces men love and what they’re like in relationships? If the answer is “yes”, you’ve come to the right place. In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, all men (and women) born between the dates of ****February 20 – March 20**** fall under the [Pisces sign](https://guycounseling.com/12-pisces-symbols-you-must-know/). To be blunt, this is a very mysterious Zodiac. Moreover, Pisces men are highly misunderstood. Due to long standing stereotypes, Pisces guys are often tagged as being “too emotional” and “overly sensitive”. While there are shards of truth to these claims, they aren’t pushovers. In my work as a counselor, I’ve worked with many Piscean men and am here to tell you they are very unique. Gifted with near psychic abilities and a powerful empathy chip, they have the ability to “see” much. ![Pisces men traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-men-revealed.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Pisces Men Explored ## **PISCES MAN OVERVIEW** Website visitors to Guy Counseling know that on occasion, I will pen articles about topics that touch upon psycho-spirituality; a term used to describe the blending of psychology and various spiritual teachings. For reasons that I do not fully understand, I am drawn to writing about the Zodiac signs. I am not an astrologer nor am I a “reader” and probably wouldn’t be a very good one. I’m mentioning this because I want you to know there is no hidden agenda here. Instead, my goal is to simply share insights about Pisces men using tenants of Jungian psychology, coupled with wisdom from the ancients. **In this article, you will learn:** - Positive traits of the Pisces man - Negative traits of the Pisces man - Male Pisces personality traits - Friendships with Pisces men - Careers for Pisces guys - Key psychological traits of Pisces men - Dating a Pisces man - Sexual intimacy with Pisces men - How to attract Pisces men - Famous Pisces men - Pisces myths - Pisces male poll We’ll start off with the positive and negative traits of male Pisces. Their characteristics in the chart listed below also include intensity. Having this knowledge will provide a foundation for all that follows. ## PISCES MEN: PERSONALITY TRAITS | Pisces Man Traits | Positive | Negative | Trait Intensity | |---|---|---|---| | Empathic | x | | High | | Indecisive | | x | High | | Caring | x | x | High | | Devoted | x | x | Medium | | Creative | x | | High | | Loyal | x | | High | | Creative | x | | High | | Reclusive | | x | Medium | | Trouble saying no | | x | Medium-high | | Addiction prone | | x | Medium | | Compassionate | x | | High | Sadly, much of what you will read on the web Pisces men tends to be incorrect. That’s because so much of what’s out there simply repeats astro-babble and doesn’t get to the heart of the man. My hope is to change that. ## **QUICK DISCLOSURE** As a reader, you have a right to know about the author. It’s pretty simple – I’m a counselor, educator, and writer. I use this blog as an electronic portal for information sharing to anyone who pops by. As a demonstration of transparency, I will also share with you that [my sign is Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/); one of only three water signs of the Zodiac. Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio make up this trio, respectively. Let’s move on now to look at more of the positive and negative traits of Pisces men. ![Pisces symbols revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbols-1.jpg?resize=600%2C315&ssl=1)Pisces symbols: Two fish ## **PISCES MEN: POSITIVE, NEGATIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS** **PISCES: FEBRUARY 20 – MARCH 20** **Birthstone: Aquamarine** Positive Traits: - Highly empathic - Compassionate - Accepting - Dreamers - Self-reflective - Devoted - Somewhat outgoing - Caretakers - Devoted - Loving - Animal lover Negative Traits: - Clingy - Overly sensitive - Extremely indecisive - Pessimistic outlook - Submissive - Codependent - Lazy - Problems saying no - Unfocused - Attracts drama - Prone depression - Vulnerable to alcoholism ## **PISCES MAN BACKGROUND** All men born between the dates of February 20 – March 20 are considered Piscean. This is important to know because Pisces itself is the 12th house of the Zodiac. You may be wondering what does the term “house” mean? To keep it simple, a *House* in horoscopic astrology, which some historians peg starting around the third millennium, is nothing more than a theoretical building that contains traits of a given zodiac sign. In the case of Pisces, it is the last structure on a 12-house block. Inside the Pisces Male House If you were to open the front door of this house, you would find the following spirits floating around, which for the sake of simplicity we will call traits. These include: - Mysticism - Magic - Secretive - Elusive - Dreams It’s important to know this if you hope to better understand the Pisces man. Here’s why. All that emanates from this house is the essence of Pisces. Pisces is a water sign, which means the men born under this astrological zodiac are considered deep. In fact, very deep. Pisces, when translated from Latin, means *fish*. And if you’ve ever been attached to \[or happen to be\] a Pisces man, you know these men to be very deep, sometimes prisoners of their own thoughts and fantasies. PISCES: A WATER SIGN As mentioned earlier, Pisces is a water sign. In simple speak, this means people who are of this horoscopic background dive deep. Of the three water signs \[Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces\] the “fish” sign can dive the deepest; emotionally and spiritually. ![Pisces man planets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-planets-in-the-universe.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Pisces ruling planets: Jupiter and Neptune ## **RULING PLANETS IMPACT ON PISCES** The Pisces sign is ruled by Jupiter and Neptune. Jupiter is the largest known planet in our solar system. Neptune is furthest from our sun. Combined, these two celestial bodies infuse Pisces men with unique powers that manifests in what many believe to be strange, psychic abilities. Both celestial bodies are gas giants, with Neptune symbolizing an end to reality and the start of a new dimension. Jupiter represents deep thought, reality and is all about the here and now. Working in tandem, the two planets create a kind of [quantum field](http://theory.caltech.edu/people/jhs/strings/str114.html) that transcends space and time. Translation: men born under this sign ride a “Piscean Wave” that causes them to surf between reality and fantasy. This is why guys who are Pisces will often struggle with staying focused in the moment – they are constantly pulled into the dream world that tugs under their feet from Neptune’s gravitational pull. ## **PISCES MAN: TRAITS THAT STAND OUT** There are two traits that stand out for Pisces men. **1)** They are highly empathic and able to pick up on the emotions of others. In many ways, this “sixth sense” is a kind of third eye that empowers their psychic abilities. **2)** Piscean men are feelers, meaning whatever emotion they are experiencing, it’s always intense. When you think of Pisces, think of creative types. Here, I’m talking about musicians, artists, writers and story tellers. Much of their creative skill sets come from their ability to feel different emotions, such as sadness and joy. Many contemporary astrologers consider Pisces born people to be the “old souls” of the universe. That’s because they are extremely intuitive, caring and spiritual. This makes sense when you consider Pisces is considered a *mutable sign*. That’s a $10.00 term for the ability to adapt to change. FYI: mutable signs, including Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, are considered the “wise ones” of the Zodiac. ![pisces man characteristics traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-men-love-water.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Pisces men are drawn to water ### **Loves the Sea** I’ve yet to meet one Pisces man who is not a lover of the sea. Be it the ocean, a lake or pond, Pisces men (and women) are drawn to bodies of water like moths to a flame. Moreover, for reasons known only to him, Piscean guys have *always* been drawn to water – since childhood. Part of the attraction to the sea directly relates to this sign’s sense of imagination. For example, other signs, like Leo, may look upon the Pacific Ocean and see beautiful shades of blues and greens. **More:** [Leo men in love and bed](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) Pisces, however, will look at that same stretch of ocean and wonder *what* creatures live in the water and begin to fantasize about life as a dolphin. If you like boating, camping by water or [canoing](https://guycounseling.com/canoe-camping-trip-planning/), you can count on Pisces men to be down with it. ### **Special Relationship with Animals** There is a unique relationship that Pisces men have with animals of all types. For reasons that seem almost supernatural, this sign forms bonds with dogs, cats and even wild creatures of nature in an uncanny way. Simply put, animals are drawn to Pisces. Based on personal observation, it is my belief that some of this is due to the Piscean ability to empathically communicate with nature. I don’t understand it and am not even sure Pisces men or women do either. No, I’m not saying they can read a dog’s mind (for example). But I am saying that Pisces born people *can* – expertly –  feel what they feel. When an animal is in distress, lost or has been abandoned, there’s a better than good chance a Pisces born person will take them in. ### **Caretakers** To be blunt, Pisces men are born caretakers. It is their nature to watch after, take care of and *be* with someone who needs attention. At first, this trait may seem like a good thing but it can also be a negative. That’s because in their quest to help others deal with emotional trauma and pain, Pisces men often attract drama. Moreover, there is a tendency to care too much, which in turn leads to an unattractive, clingy codependency. If Pisces did not have the “chip” to care, it would be like removing their spine. That’s because as a water sign, it must feel to survive. ### **Empathic and Intuitive** Pisces born people do possess psychic abilities. While women tend to have these powers more than the guys, Piscean males are plenty empathic. Like virtual vacuums, they will “pick up” on what others are feeling without them having to say a word. It’s quite extraordinary. Additionally, Pisces is the sign that can sense a disturbance in the universe in real time. Let me give you an example. Several years ago, a major aviation incident happened that killed many people. Minutes before the news became public, a friend of mine, who happens to be Pisces (and psychologist), called me on the phone. Long story short, he asked me if something “bad” happened, such as a terrorist attack or accident. To my knowledge, all was OK. Sure enough, 30-minutes later, my smart-phone started blowing up from news organizations with word that a plane had crashed with no survivors. My point is that my Piscean friend *felt* the mass loss of life as it happened. While he didn’t know exactly *what* occurred, he could feel, empathically, a deep well of grief. If you are a Pisces born person or attached to someone who is, you know exactly what I am talking about. People can call this ability “supernatural” or whatever term they want. All I know is that this sign is particularly gifted in this area. ### **Indecisive** One of the challenges for Pisces born people, particularly men, is the struggle with horrible indecisiveness, which leads to extreme procrastination. The reason is simple. Pisces men get caught up in a morass of *what if* questions. Some believe Neptune is to blame for this trait. Others point to Jupiter. Regardless, the Pisces man has problems with decision making. ![Pisces Personality Temperament](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-personality-temperment.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Pisces Personality Temperament ## **1. PISCES MAN TEMPERAMENT** You’ll find most Pisces men to have warm, gentle and caring temperaments. This is in part due to their persona, which is go with the flow. It’s important to point out, however, that male Pisces can be pessimistic. In turn, this can cause bouts of depression and irritability. The periodic sadness part is because Pisces dives deep into emotional pain. Knowing this is important because these men respond differently than other signs. Example: Let’s say a Taurus man applies for a job and later finds out he didn’t get it. While the Taurus will be disappointed, he’ll quickly move on and forget about it. That’s not the case for Pisces men. His response will be to engage in a toxic game of self-blame and obsess over the rejection. See the difference? Pisces men are also people pleasers. They are most happy when they can bring others joy. This means engaging in caretaking behaviors. The downside is that Pisces men often struggle with self-care. That’s because they get so caught up in helping others that they neglect their own physical and emotional health. While not true of all, most Pisces men are introverted. They need to be alone for long stretches of time to process the emotional material they pick up from others. During time in seclusion, they will often meditate or engage in some other behaviors to recharge their batteries. Prone to Alcoholism When researchers studied the sign that is most [prone to alcoholism](http://elitedaily.com/life/addictions-for-all-zodiac-signs/1464889/), Pisces seemed to rank the highest. Considering how consumed this astrological sign is with others, this makes sense. Because of Piscean men absorb so much emotional pain from others, they sometimes drink themselves into oblivion as a method of escape. Not to be pejorative but there is a reason this sign is primarily symbolized as a fish. ![Pisces man personality traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-symbols-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Pisces constellation ## **2. PISCES MAN AS A FRIEND** You’ll find no better friend than a Pisces guy. This goes back to what was mentioned earlier about being natural caretakers. One aspect that needs pointing out is confusion on the part of some Piscean guys between friendship and romance. Because this sign often lives in a bifurcated world of fantasy and reality, he has difficulty discerning basic friendships with romantic and sexual relationships. This is not to knock Pisces men. Instead, it’s simply a statement that that speaks to a deeper truth about a very complicated sign. Unlike brother water signs Scorpio and Cancer, Pisces will absorb a lot of – perhaps too much – of a friend’s problems. In fact, it’s fair to say that many Pisces guys stay in toxic relationships because they struggle saying no to people who are unhealthy for them. ## **3. PISCES MAN CAREER** Men born under this sign are natural healers and caretakers. That’s why so many of them are employed as doctors, nurses, counselors and massage therapists. They are also teachers, artists and musicians. That’s not to say Piscean men don’t assume leadership roles. Our first U.S. President, George Washington, was Pisces. But if you look at the totality of Washington’s life, including his time as Commander in Chief, you’ll quickly see that care for others and problem solving was a huge part of his persona. Pisces men are best suited to work in the helping professions as a career. They are particularly suited for this because of their empathic skills. Example Pisces male careers include: - Physician - Nurse - Police officer - Psychologist - Drug and alcohol counselor - Massage therapist - Spiritual leader/ministry - Coaching - Teaching - [Hypnotherapists](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-10-facts-you-might-not-know/) ![Pisces Man Key Traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-man-money.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Traits of Pisces Men ## **4. PISCES MAN MONEY** Pisces men aren’t the best with money. That’s not to say they are horrible at financial management. Some are great at it. But generally speaking, the accumulation of wealth isn’t what motivates this sign. The exception are Pisces men who manage the money of others, (i.e. family finances). Here, the fish excels. That’s because there’s a caretaking component involved; a Piscean strength. ## **5. PISCES MAN PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAITS** Men who are Pisces tend to be open minded, non-judgmental and compassionate. They also happen to be highly intelligent, in part because they love to learn all they can about the world they live in. Humble and “earthy” best describes guys who fall under this sign. They can hold conversations for hours and are excellent listeners. Topics that grab their attention include conversations about life after death, spirituality, religion, mysticism, personality traits and general gossip. Finally, Piscean men are very analytical. Unlike Scorpio, which tends to get caught up in a morass of logic, Piscean men can see the “big picture”. ## **PISCES MAN SUMMED UP** When encountering a Pisces male, think *deep*. While other signs may have slight empathic abilities, like [Capricorn men](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/), Pisces is off the chart. These men are philosophers, thinkers, educators and healers. While internally emotional, they are excellent at hiding their feelings from others. Excellent caretakers both romantically and family-wise. Tip: If you need TLC in your life, Pisces is going to be your best choice hands down. ![pisces symbols explored](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbols-explored.jpg?resize=640%2C359&ssl=1)Pisces men and intimacy ## **6. WHAT IT’S LIKE DATING A PISCES MAN?** My research suggests that dating a Pisces male promises the chance at excitement and romance. That’s because this sign is all about romantic interludes and making their mates feel special. Chalk it up to their caretaking chip but that’s how Piscean men operate. However, it’s not all flowers and candy. Because he experiences emotions deeply, he’s going to be highly sensitive. Moreover, there is a clingy quality to some that can drive potential suitors away. Because he needs to give and receive love to feel whole, Pisces men often jump into relationships that may not be healthy. That said, if you date a Pisces man, expect to be romanced and charmed – big time. ### **If you are dating a Pisces man, keep the following in mind:  - Jealousy is a typical characteristic - Codependency sets in early - Wants to bond emotionally through sex - Has trouble accepting compliments ## **7. WHAT’S SEX LIKE WITH A PISCES MAN?**  You probably know the answer to this question already, based on the material that’s been shared above. It’s simple. If you engage in intimate experiences with a Pisces man, expect him to want to please you. This means he’ll be on a mission to discover what turns you on and when he finds it, he won’t stop doing it. When you think of Pisces in the bedroom, conjure up images of submissiveness. It’s just who these guys are. If you are connected to a Pisces male, you may need to talk with him if he puts up resistance to your pleasing him. In many ways, the idea of receiving pleasure from others is an anathema to Piscean way of life. But once you break through and get him to chill, he’ll get into whatever you are doing in a powerful way. Finally, Piscean men are known to have explosive orgasmic responses. ## **8. PISCES MALE AROUSAL ZONES** I have been told by several who are romantically connected to Pisces men that they have three specific zones of vulnerability. - Mouth and lips - Ears - Chest This isn’t to say these are the only areas. Instead, I’m simply pointing out highly erotic zones. ![Pisces Men and traits thats tand out](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-men-water.jpg?resize=560%2C343&ssl=1)Attracting Pisces Men ## **9. HOW TO ATTRACT PISCES MEN** Pisces men are drawn to mysterious people. That may sound odd but here’s why. Because they operate on an intuitive and empathic plain, they strive to understand those who they interact with. The more mysterious you are, the more likely the Piscean man will be attracted to you. That’s why Pisces is a natural “best” match for Scorpio. It’s the puzzle of the person that draws them in. Finally, Piscean guys are drawn to strong, dominant type personas. It’s no coincidence these same personality types also need a high degree of caretaking. According to legend, Pisces men are particularly vulnerable when in the presence of their [aquamarine birthstone](http://amzn.to/2r4Dk4J). ## **10. PISCES MALE COMPATIBILITY** A Pisces man is compatible with most all zodiac signs. There are three, however, that are considered “best matches.” - **SCORPIO:** A natural match that is often marked by love at first sight. While Scorpio wants to act as the dominant leader in the relationship, Pisces wants to protect and offer care. More important, Pisces empathic abilities can see through Scorpion logic and get to the center of their feelings. In turn, this disarms Scorpio in an uncanny way. - **CANCER:** Both signs are emotionally intuitive and both are feelers. While [Cancer tends to be protective](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/), using claws as a weapon, Pisces introduces passion and romance into the relationship. - **TAURUS:** Taurus is an earth sign that is focused and balanced. The sign is also great with money, which is a good thing for Piscean people. Because Taurus can be somewhat dull in the bedroom, Pisces can liven things up and create magic. - **PISCES** (Wildcard): To be blunt, Pisces can be a great match with another Pisces or it can be hell on earth. It depends upon the couples ability to negotiate their people pleasing tendencies. Most longer-term Piscean couples tend to have a high degree of codependency, which isn’t always a bad thing. Some signs are thought to be terrible matches for Pisces. I’m not saying they are but instead, sharing what conventional wisdom suggests. Here are the “bad” matches for Pisces men: - **LIBRA:** Because Libra is an air sign and highly intellectual, it can be a problematic match for Pisces men. - **GEMINI:** A clash exists between these two signs because Geminis tends to have a roving eye; something that sparks deep feelings of jealousy in Pisces. - **AQUARIUS:** Pisces is a gentle, loving and caretaking sign. Aquarius is an independent, free thinking sign that marches to its own drummer. As a pair, both can be socially incompatible because Aquarians often speak what they are feeling without a filter. Learn more about [Aquarius male personality traits](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) ## PISCES MALE PERSONALITY VIDEO ## **PISCES MEN & HEALTH PROBLEMS** Men who are Pisces need to pay attention to their health. That’s because this sign is prone to neglecting self-care. Given there abundance of concern for others, it makes sense. Common health problems for Piscean men include: - Back problems - Gastrointestinal issues (IBS) - Chronic fatigue - Vulnerable to the flu and colds - Sinus problems ## **FAMOUS PISCES MEN**  - George Washington - Jensen Ackles - Adam Levine - Kellan Lutz - Rob Lowe - Kurt Russell - Bryan Cranston - Jon Hamm - Ron Howard - Grover Cleveland - Andrew Jackson ## **![Pisces Men traits revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-man-health.jpg?resize=614%2C437&ssl=1)** ## **PISCES MYTHS** There exist several myths linked to Pisces men. While I can’t list them all, I’ve tried to include the biggies. - Pisces men can’t run a business - Men who are Pisces with [blue color eyes](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) are dangerous - Pisces and Scorpio have boring sexy time - Guys who are Pisces don’t like movies - If a Pisces guy has [green color eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/), he’s psychic - Men who are Piscean born don’t work out or exercise. Below is a poll concerning Pisces males. If you don’t see it, you can use this link to [vote in the Pisces Men poll](https://poll.fm/9756538). ## **PISCES MEN LUCKY STONES** - Yellow Sapphire - Red Coral - Aventurine ## **PISCES BOOK** If you want to know more about Pisces men, I recommend getting something that includes other signs so that you can get a holistic view. ![man reading book](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/man-reading-book.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1539182525)A good one to consider is *Astrology: The 12 Zodiac Signs* by Sidana ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2r61oq6)). Lots of insight in this read with an excellent window into the Piscean male mind and other signs. ## PISCES MEN SUMMARY As I mentioned above, I am not a psychic nor an astrologer. If you are looking for this type of service, there are plenty on the web. I am told that Psychic Source offers excellent guidance to others. Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope what you have reviewed here helps you to better understand the Pisces man. References: Quantum Field Theory: Cal Tech. http://theory.caltech.edu/people/jhs/strings/str114.html **Related posts:** [Sagittarius man in love and sex](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-love-relationships/) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, Pisces, scorpio, Taurus, Water Signs, Zodiac --- ### [How To End an Extramarital Affair with a Coworker](https://guycounseling.com/extramarital-affair-advice-1124/) **Published:** August 25, 2026 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![extramarital affiar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/extramarital-affair.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## You’ve been having an extramarital affair a coworker ## HIS QUESTION *Dear Jack,* *I never thought I would admit this but here it goes. I’ve been having an extramarital affair with a coworker for the past two months. My wife and I have only been married for three years and I really do love her.* *My coworker and I realize what we’re doing is wrong, yet we continue to sleep together. To complicate matters, she’s recently married too. For what it is worth, our attraction seems to be more physical than anything else – not that it matters.* *I’m desperate for help because if my wife finds out, my marriage is over. I don’t want to lose her. How do I stop the affair?* *-Confused Cheater* ## HIS ANSWER Hi, CS, It sounds like you’ve gotten yourself into quite a pickle. I can imagine this is a deeply confusing time, filled with mixed emotions. On the one hand, you’re carrying the crushing guilt of knowing you’re stepping out on your wife, all the while professing your fidelity and recognizing it’s a complete lie. On the other hand, there’s a part of you caught up in this other woman, feeling a rush of energy whenever the two of you are alone – in the biblical way. The hard truth is [office affairs happen](https://guycounseling.com/office-affairs-bad-idea-318/) more than most people would guess. They tend to involve people who are already married, and that’s no accident. There’s a reason the term *workplace spouse* made it into the American lexicon. Researchers who study infidelity point to a fairly simple mechanism behind it: proximity plus repetition plus shared stress builds intimacy whether you’re trying to build it or not. You spend eight, nine, ten hours a day with this person. You see them solve problems, crack under deadlines, laugh at the same dumb things you laugh at. That’s not an excuse – but it explains why this keeps happening to otherwise decent, otherwise faithful people. But back to your actual question – *how do you stop it?* I’m going to be direct with you and share some advice you probably don’t want to hear. But you didn’t come to Ask Jack for feel-good nonsense. You came for something you can actually use. **Step one: end the affair now, and do it in person.** Skip the text message, the email, the vague “we should talk” Slack DM. That approach is weak, and it leaves the door cracked open for a slow fade instead of a clean break. Ask to speak to her somewhere outside the office – a park, a coffee shop, anywhere away from the ears of coworkers – and go in with your message already decided. Not “I think we should maybe cool it off.” Something closer to: “This has to stop completely, starting today, and I need us both to mean it.” When you have that conversation, don’t make it about assigning blame. **You own just as much responsibility for this as she does.** She may get upset, maybe even angry, particularly if her feelings run deeper than yours do. From what you’ve described, it sounds like the pull between you is mostly physical – which in some ways makes the ending easier, and in other ways makes it harder to trust that it’ll actually stay ended, because physical chemistry doesn’t care that you’ve had a conversation about boundaries. **Step two: build in structural distance, not just willpower.** Willpower alone rarely wins against two people who work fifteen feet apart and already know how to find a reason to be alone together. If you don’t share a department and barely interact, you’re in decent shape – distance does a lot of the work for you. But if your jobs put you in regular contact, you need actual guardrails: no more staying late together, no more solo lunches, no more volunteering for the same projects. If that’s not realistic given how your teams are structured, it may be worth quietly exploring a transfer, a schedule change, or even a new job. That sounds extreme until you remember the alternative is staying in daily arm’s reach of the one relationship most likely to blow up your marriage. CS, let me tell you a story. Years ago, I was seriously dating someone – under the explicit banner of exclusivity – while also sleeping with a coworker. At one point, she came to me and ended it herself, in no uncertain terms. “The last time we slept together was our last,” she told me. **Except it wasn’t.** The pull was strong enough that it happened again. And again. It didn’t stop because either of us developed better discipline – it stopped because she took a job in another state and the physical distance did what our intentions couldn’t. I’m not proud of that, but I’d rather tell you the truth than a tidier version of it. If the two of you are still working in close range, one honest conversation may not be enough. You may need to remove the opportunity, not just the intention. **Step three: figure out whether you tell your wife – and don’t rush that decision.** This is the part guys always want a straight answer on, and I won’t pretend there’s one that fits every marriage. There are real arguments on both sides. Confessing can rebuild trust on honest terms, but it can also detonate a marriage that might have survived quietly, especially if the affair is already over and unlikely to repeat. Staying silent can protect the relationship in the short term, but it means carrying a secret that tends to leak out sideways – through guilt, distance, or an accidental slip years later that lands worse than the original affair would have. Some men process this with a therapist first, specifically to get honest about their own motives before deciding whether disclosure is about clearing your conscience or actually serving the marriage. Those aren’t always the same thing, and it’s worth knowing which one you’re doing before you open that conversation with her. **Step four: get honest with yourself about why this happened.** This is the step guys skip because it’s uncomfortable, and it’s the one that actually prevents a repeat. Was the marriage already under strain and this filled some gap? Was it purely opportunity and chemistry, nothing deeper going on at home? Were you looking for a version of validation you’re not currently getting, or giving yourself, anywhere else? I can’t answer that for you – nobody can from the outside – but sitting with those questions honestly, ideally with a therapist once the affair itself is behind you, will tell you more about whether you’re a guy who made a serious mistake or a guy who’s going to be back in this same spot in two years with someone else. There’s an old saying that a leopard never changes its spots – once a cheater, always a cheater. Maybe there’s some truth in that for some people. But we also know that [infidelity touches a large share of marriages](https://www.trustify.info/blog/infidelity-statistics-2018) in one form or another, and plenty of those men never repeat it. Which one you become isn’t decided by this affair. It’s decided by what you do starting today. If you want this to stop, it will stop. You’re not helpless here. But if you let it continue, understand what you’re signing up for: at some point it comes out. Maybe not this month, maybe not this year, but eventually. And when it does, it won’t be a quiet conversation – it’ll be the kind that reshapes everything. CS, I’m not here to pile on. I’ve got no room to lecture, and honestly, neither do a lot of men reading this if they’re being straight with themselves. We could spend all day talking about monogamy and how hard it actually is in practice. But you didn’t write in for a philosophy discussion – you wrote in for a way out. I’d point you toward *[I Cheated: Here’s What To Do After Having an Affair](https://amzn.to/2R69gC2)*. It may not map onto your exact situation, but it’s close enough to help you think more clearly about your own. You said you truly love your wife. I believe you. The real question isn’t whether you love her – it’s whether you love her enough to make the harder choice today, tomorrow, and the next time this coworker is standing a little too close. Only you can answer that. — Think you could use some dating tips? Email Ask Jack at via the contact page **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Affair, Cheating, Infidelity, Office Affair --- ### [Short Beard Styles and Goatees in 5 Easy Steps!](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/) **Published:** August 25, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![short beard styles for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Learn about short beard styles for men](#Learn_about_short_beard_styles_for_men) - [Step 1: Grow out your facial hair](#Step_1_Grow_out_your_facial_hair) - [Step 2: Look for patches](#Step_2_Look_for_patches) - [Step 3: Get some coloring](#Step_3_Get_some_coloring) - [4. Get a beard trimmer](#4_Get_a_beard_trimmer) - [5. Shape your Short Beard or Goatee](#5_Shape_your_Short_Beard_or_Goatee) ## Learn about short beard styles for men Have you ever seen a muscle dude sporting a short beard or goatee style that looks totally amazing, making you think – *that’s wicked!* A lot of guys who work out like to keep some type of facial hair. I certainly do. Let’s face it, short beards, including goatees, give off an edgy vibe. But here is the deal – that beard style you are eyeing didn’t happen through magic. Chances are, the guy you saw wearing it did some advance work that you never knew about. In this article, I am going to tell you how to create a short beard goatee style that others will notice. I’m also going to help you get that cool look without spending a fortune. If you have some gray hairs coming in don’t worry about it. I’ve got you covered! Are you ready? Let’s dive right in! ![man lumberjack beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-beard-1.gif?resize=500%2C489&ssl=1) ## **Step 1: Grow out your facial hair** Obviously, you are going to need to have facial hair before you can do anything else. There are plenty of articles on the Internet on how to grow facial hair fast. Most people who are looking to create an “instant beard” are hoping to have more than a five o’clock shadow after their last shave on Friday morning for a weekend date on Saturday. I will give you the straight deal on this – it doesn’t work that way! If you want to grow a real beard and later shape it into a stylish goatee, the best thing you can do is leave your facial hair alone*.* Everyone has different grow patterns and different rates of growth. How much your facial hair grows and at what speed will in large part depend on good old fashioned genetics. That might not be the answer you want to hear but it’s the truth. Generally speaking, **give yourself a minimum of 3-4 days of growth without shaving**. This will give you more than “scruff” and will also create a basis to shape that beard into the goatee you want to show off. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-with-beard-cowboy-flannel.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Step 2: Look for patches** This step is straight forward. While you are growing your facial hair out, check yourself in the mirror from time to time and look for patches. If you notice there are a few spots that are not growing in, don’t be alarmed. Most guys do not have a perfect growth pattern. To deal with this problem, see step #3. ![chris hemsworth ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Step 3: Get some coloring** If you notice patches, I am going to let you in on a secret that will help you blend in those patches in a way that looks natural. You need to get some beard coloring or get your hands on some mascara. Yep, you read that last part right – mascara. Think you are too much of a man to use these kind of products? That’s fine but if you can get over this psychological hump, you can move about the business of creating the goatee you want. FYI – if you think celebrities like Tim McGraw and Brad Pitt don’t take care of their patches or gray hairs, think again! Mega-watt stars have a vested interest in looking their best. Why shouldn’t you? You can buy beard coloring and/or mascara at most drug stores however, for muscle dudes that want to be discreet, you can also buy these products online from the privacy of your home. Generally speaking, beard coloring will last 3-4 days. Beard coloring touch up products can be used for a “quick fix” when the dye starts to wear off (and it will!). I personally recommend beard coloring products like [Just for Men Beard Coloring](https://guycounseling.com/just-for-men-beard-dye-review/). If you are looking for the quick fix-option as well, I recommend Black Beard Instant Brush On ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2nxwKoV) for pricing) ![virgo man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/virgo-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **4. Get a beard trimmer** You probably already knew you needed a razor but you are also going to need a good beard trimmer (clipper). Notice I did not say expensive trimmer. There are lots of products out on the market however, there are only a few that I would recommend to readers. An excellent one to help you shape your goatee in the style you want is the Phillip’s Norelco 9000 Beard Trimmer ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3KVDftd)). I like this product because it is easy to operate, adjustable and battery operated (no chords to get in your way). The other nice thing about this trimmer is that it doesn’t have a bunch of pieces to mess around with. There is a dummy-proof dial on the face of the trimmer that allows you to “dial” with your thumb the right number for your desired trim length. The Phillip’s Norelco trimmer is very guy friendly and easy to use. You can get a combo type, beard, nose and eye brow trimmer from Wahl that stores everything in one central place as a kit. [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3AUzakk). If you are like most dudes, you want something simple and not complicated. ![short beard styles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/attractive-man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **5. Shape your Short Beard or Goatee** You have final reached step five – the point in which you will shape all of that facial hair into a Goatee. I have included a video below that gives you the basics of how to easily accomplish your desired goal using the Phillip’s Norelco trimmer that I suggested before. Make sure you have the coloring tools handy that I mentioned, just in case you need to fill in any patches. I hope you found the information shared here on hot to grow and shape a short beard or goatee useful! If you have time, check out my [“How to look handsome guide” ](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/)for men. It’s loaded with grooming tips.   **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** beard goatee, Beards, Facial hair, Shaving, Short Beard --- ### [Men's Leather Bracelets and Wristbands Ultimate Guide](https://guycounseling.com/mens-leather-bracelets-best-choice-guide/) **Published:** August 25, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men's leather wristbands](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/mens-leather-wristbands.jpg?resize=500%2C750&ssl=1)Men’s Leather Bracelet Guide Table of Contents Toggle - [Men’s Leather Bracelets Guide](#Mens_Leather_Bracelets_Guide) - [Brief History of Men’s Leather Bracelets](#Brief_History_of_Mens_Leather_Bracelets) - [Leather Use and History](#Leather_Use_and_History) - [The First Leather Bracelets](#The_First_Leather_Bracelets) - [Leather Bracelet Colors and Symbolism](#Leather_Bracelet_Colors_and_Symbolism) - [Men’s Bracelet Size Chart](#Mens_Bracelet_Size_Chart) - [Wrist Size and Leather Bands](#Wrist_Size_and_Leather_Bands) - [Caring for Your Leather Wristband](#Caring_for_Your_Leather_Wristband) - [Male Celebrities Who’ve Worn Leather Wrist Bands](#Male_Celebrities_Whove_Worn_Leather_Wrist_Bands) - [Leather Myths](#Leather_Myths) - [Leather Wristlet Poll](#Leather_Wristlet_Poll) - [Wrapping Things Up](#Wrapping_Things_Up) - [References](#References) ## **Men’s Leather Bracelets Guide** Are you looking around for **men’s leather bracelets**? Have you wondered about which one would look best on your wrist? If so, you’re not alone. In recent years, the leather bracelet has made a real comeback! While hard to pinpoint exactly, there’s just something about the bands that give off a masculine vibe. What’s more, leather communicates to the world that you aren’t boring. Now for full disclosure – I’ve been wearing wrist wear since my teens. In fact, I’m wearing a black leather band right now as I pen this article. Slap me silly and call me stupid, but they’ve always grabbed my attention. If you are like most guys, you probably saw somebody wearing one and thought it looked cool. Or maybe you just want something to make a statement. Whatever your reasons, you’ve come to the right place. The truth is there are tons of leather bracelets out there. But what a lot of guys don’t know is that choosing a wristband should be done with care. Just like tattoos, what looks good on one man might not look right on the next. **Related:** [Owl tattoos meaning and symbols](https://guycounseling.com/owl-tattoos-learn-their-symbolism-and-meaning/) What follows is a detailed walkthrough of men’s leather bracelets. My goal is to help you make the best choice possible for your wristware needs. Here’s what you’ll learn: - Some background on leather - The history men’s leather bracelets - Bracelet colors and their meaning - The different types of bracelets on the market - How to pick a leather bracelet based on wrist size - Assess the statement you want to send - How to care for your leather bracelet - List several male celebs who’ve worn leather wristlets - Examine common myths about leather At the end of this article, I’ve also included a leather bracelet poll. Don’t forget to chime in. OK, are you ready to learn about men’s leather bracelets? Here we go. [![Men's Leather Bracelets ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/leather-cuffs-for-men.jpg?resize=481%2C481&ssl=1)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=5c2f3b5e837ee6b4b2082dfca0ee3e7f&camp=1789&creative=9325&index=jewelry&keywords=Men's%20Leather%20Wristbands)Men’s Leather Bracelets: Short History ## **Brief History of Men’s Leather Bracelets** Before picking the right leather bracelet for your wrist, it might be helpful to know a little history behind the material. Not only will this help to provide context, the insight may also assist you with decision making. Here are two common questions people have as they consider a leather purchase. What is leather exactly? At its core, leather is a flexible, durable material created by the tanning of animal rawhide and skin. Can leather come from other sources? Many people assume that leather comes exclusively from cattle hide. While this is true for most types of products, leather can from pigs, alligators, bears and deer. For our purposes however, we’ll stick to the traditional cowhide leather. ## **Leather Use and History** The research suggests that mankind has been using animal skins dating back to the Paleolithic Period, commonly referred to as the [stone age](https://www.britannica.com/event/Paleolithic-Period). Early man used animal hides for a number of reasons, including shelter and clothing. As the geologic clock ticked forward and we evolved, the material was used for everything from footwear to musical instruments. It was during the Neolithic Period (“New Stone Age”), that early man figured out how to treat the hides and produce leather. This process is commonly referred to as *tanning*. ![History of leather king tut](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/King-Tut-Leather.jpg?resize=623%2C381&ssl=1)Notice King Tut has a Leather Cuff On ## **The First Leather Bracelets** The history of the leather bracelet is somewhat difficult to trace. There is evidence to suggest that some of the first humans wore leather bracelets to signify tribal roles, such as group [leader](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00438243.1980.9979789). It wasn’t until the time of the ancient Egyptians that we really saw leather being used symbolically to indicate status. For example, we know that the eighteenth dynasty Egyptian pharaoh, Tutankhamun, wore a leather cuff as a symbol of his monarchy. Leather bands were also worn in ancient Greece and Rome by soldiers. There primary purpose was to signify allegiance and rank. Here’s a fun fact: The famous gladiator Spartacus is believed to have worn a simple brown leather band around his right wrist to symbolize raw power. In this way, he projected strong alpha male characteristics to all who he encountered. **Related:** [Alpha Male: Traits and Characteristics](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) ![Sparticus Leather Cuff](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/sparticul-leather-cuff.jpg?resize=484%2C484&ssl=1)Check out the leather bracelet on Spartacus As an aside, bands similar to what Spartacus wore can be found on men of the modern era; inspired by the legendary fighter himself. Moving on, we know that men’s leather wrist bands have been worn by Native Indians for centuries. According to Indian lore, some wristlets are designed to establish a tactile connection with animal guides. ![leather bracelet colors](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/leather-bracelet-colors.jpg?resize=500%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Leather Bracelets and Color Symbolism ## **Leather Bracelet Colors and Symbolism** When you are searching for a men’s leather bracelet, it’s important to understand what the symbolism is behind the various colors. Each has its own meaning, meant to project a specific message. I’ve taken these colors and their symbolism directly from an area of study known as the *[psychology of color](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2289687)* and infused this knowledge with historical references from the literature. There’s no way for me to cover all of the colors so I’m only listing the more popular ones. BROWN - Ruggedness - Oneness with nature - Practicality - Calmness BLACK - Strength - Power - Sophistication - Mysterious - Dominance DARK GREEN - Woodsy - Nature focused - Warmth - Serenity ![men's leather bracelet biker](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/harley-davidson-biker-braclett.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leather Bracelet with Silver Skulls **Types of Men’s Leather Bracelets** Because this article focuses exclusively on men’s leather bracelets, I’ve boiled the categories down to three basic types. Hopefully, this will help you as you begin looking around. - Simple wide bands - Design bands - Thin, rope bands Generally speaking, the wider the strip of leather, the more masculine the vibe. That’s not to say narrow bands aren’t considered manly because they are. I’m just giving you general characteristics to tuck into the back of your mind. Let’s walk through each of these bands and highlight the various pros and cons. Best matches for wrist sizes have also been included.![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0187VRCUO) **Simple Wide**![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0187VRCUO) Perhaps the most popular type, simple wide leather bands are designed to project strength with a hint of edginess. Many guys wear these as well to give of a sexual vibe. Reinstituting a trends from the 1970’s, we’ve also seen a resurgence in [leather cuff wrist watchbands](http://amzn.to/2e9QbvP) made of leather that contain intricate artwork. Simple wide leather wristbands are sometimes studded with metals. Pros - Great to wear for all around occasions - Sends a message of strength and masculinity - Works well for guys who have tattoos - Durable and will last for years when properly cared for - Appropriate for medium to large wrist sizes - Compliments other wristware, like watches Cons - May not be appropriate for all work settings - May need to be removed for full wrist movement - Can interfere with long sleeve shirt sleeves ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00FZXIUNG)**Design Bands** A lot of guys like design bands because they add an element of texture and style. Most often, you will see embroidery on brown and dark green wristlets. Often edgy, you may see metals, such as silver, built into the band itself. Check out this cool [leather and chain band](http://amzn.to/2egVQzh) as an example. I’ve even seen skulls, anchors and Zodiac signs on some of the more artsy wristlets. You’ll find that embroidered bands come in narrow and wide strips of leather. But if you look around, most guys opt for the wide types, like the [bangle band](http://amzn.to/2dTbbsW), because it looks super unique. Pros - Awesome band to wear with a t-shirt - Great all around band for everyday wear - Compliments body art - Gives off a definitive masculine vibe - Fun conversation piece - Appropriate for all wrist sizes Cons - May not be appropriate for all work settings - Can interfere in wrist movement when going wide - May be hard to care for if embroidery is intricate - Woven metals can sometimes tear into the leather [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B01HAULLVE&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01HAULLVE/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01HAULLVE&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=bcb6e9b1e0c59551360af02d413ba031)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B01HAULLVE)**Thin Rope Bands** The final type of band that is popular with many guys is the rope band ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2e3kXIp)). You most often will see these with the surfer crowd or guys who want to send a subtle but stylish message. Thin rope bands can also signify special relationships, such as friendships and dating. Pros - Great for all wrist sizes - Usually OK for most work settings - Gives off a slight edgy vibe - Cool conversation piece - Worn by some to compliment a “cowboy” look Cons - Can come apart easily - Not always the easiest to secure around wrist - Can be difficult to clean and care for ## Men’s Bracelet Size Chart | Wrist Measurement (Inches) | Your Size | |---|---| | 6 1/8 - 6 1/2 | Small | | 6 5/8 - 7 | Medium | | 7 1/8 - 7 1/2 | Large | | 7 5/8 - 8 | Extra Large | | 8 1/8 - 8 1/2 | 2X Extra Large | | 8 5/ 9 - 9 | 3X Extra Large | | 9 1/8 - 9 1/2 | 4X Extra Large | | 9 5/8 - 10 | 5X Extra Large | ## **Wrist Size and Leather Bands** Now that you know about the different wrist band types, let’s take a quick look at how to choose the right one for your wrist. If you are unsure of what your wrist size is, here’s a graphic to help you figure it out. Small Wrists If you have a small wrist, you can go with any of the band types but it is important to choose something that blends in and doesn’t look awkward. Body types, such as [mesomorphs and endomorphs](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) should look for something that’s medium width. Medium Wrist If you have a medium sized wrist, consider yourself lucky. Basically, you can wear any type of leather band because all of them will look good on your forearm. Large Wrist Men with large wrists have lots of options however, the width of the strip should be proportional to your forearm. If you are unsure what might work best, I encourage you to lean towards a medium size. If you go to wide, it might not look right. ![Justin Timberlake Leather Wristband](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Justin-Timberlake-with-Leather-Wristband.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Justin Timberlake Leather Wristband ## **Caring for Your Leather Wristband** When you buy a band for your wrist, it is critical that you take care of it to preserve the leather. Over the course of time, your band will come into contact with your skin and body oils, which may cause an unpleasant odor. Before I walk you through the basics of leather cleaning and preservation, I want to stress right now that you should never shower or swim with a leather wristband on. The simple reason is that water will cause the material to shrink. OK – time to give you a quick cook’s tour of cleaning your bracelet. **Things You’ll Need** - Cotton cloths (4) - Moisturizing hand soap - Leather conditioner Step One: Quick Hand Wipe Using a cloth, wipe the leather to remove surface dirt, dust or other debris. This will help to prevent granules from scratching your band during the cleansing process. As an option, you can use specially made leather cleansing wipes for this part of the process ([See Amazon for example](http://amzn.to/2eh2J3v)). Step Two: Moisturizing Soap Take a fresh cloth and get it wet with lukewarm water. Pump out a few drops of the moisturizing liquid soap and rub two ends of the cloth together to create suds. Using gentle circular motions, work your way from the center of the band outwards. Be sure to clean both sides of your band and not just the outer part. Take a clean cloth and dampen again with warm water. Wipe off the excess soap. Lay your leather band down on a paper towel or other surface and allow to air dry away from direct sunlight. This should only take 10 – 15 minutes. Step three: Apply Leather Conditioner Once the band is completely dry, it’s time to apply a high quality leather conditioner. I personally use one called Trinova Leather Cleaner ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2dSVvWN)) because it’s specifically made for apparel. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00JIJ4LWW&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00JIJ4LWW/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00JIJ4LWW&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=d8eec13878f00e5188df763d72dd7648)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00JIJ4LWW)This one comes with an applicator, which is kind of a bonus. If you want something that cleans, shines, moisturizes and protects, I highly recommend. Just place a few drops onto a dry cloth and gently rub your band. Allow 30 minutes to dry. Then, use a dry cloth and buff your leather band to a high shine. Bonus tip: At the end of each day when you take off your wristlet, it’s a good idea to wipe it down with a cloth to remove reside. This helps to prevent excess buildup of oils, which can lead to cracking. ## Male Celebrities Who’ve Worn Leather Wrist Bands - Chris Hemsworth ![Chris Evans Shirtless leather wristband](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/chris-evans1-312x381.jpg?resize=276%2C337&ssl=1)Chris Evans has a leather wristband here - Paul Walker - Zac Efron - Nick Jonas - Brad Pitt - Jamie Foxx - Ryan Reynolds - Channing Tatum - Joe Manganiello - Tyler Hoechlin - Chris Pine - Chris Evans - Nick Zano ([Nick Zano bio page](https://guycounseling.com/nick-zano-facts-age-height-workout-routine/)) - Johnny Depp - David Beckham ## **Leather Myths** There are more myths about leather (and leather bands) than I can share on one page. I have outlined some of the biggies below just for fun. Have you heard of these? - Leather is hard to clean - Leather shouldn’t be exposed to sunlight - The more expensive the leather, the longer it lasts - Only bikers wear leather wristbands - Leather wristbands are only worn by girls - You can’t wear a watch with a leather wristband - Only guys with smooth forearms should wear leather bands - [Aquarius men](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) don’t wear leather ## **Leather Wristlet Poll** Because I know a lot of men are interested in the topic of leather wristbands, I’ve published a poll below that asks you to share your motivation for wearing (or wanting to wear) this kind of men’s accessory. If you are thinking of snagging a leather cuff as a gift, be sure to stop by my [unique gifts for guys page](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/). ## **Wrapping Things Up** Hopefully, all of the information shared on this page will help you make smart choices when it comes to buying a men’s leather wristband. I will say that Amazon offers an amazing array of bands to choose from so if you get a chance, head on over to their website and see what’s available. Thanks for stopping Guy Counseling! — ### References Encyclopædia Britannica. (2016, June). *Paleolithic Period*. Retrieved from Encyclopædia Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/event/Paleolithic-Period Jones, P. (2010). *Experimental butchery with modern stone tools and its relevance for Palaeolithic archaeology*. Retrieved from World of Archaeology : http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00438243.1980.9979789 Moore, J. (2014). *Do you have a spirit animal* . Retrieved from Psychcentral : http://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/09/do-you-have-a-spirit-animal/ Whitfield, T., & Wiltshire, T. J. (1990). *Color psychology: A critical review*. Retrieved from Journal of Generap Psychlogy: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2289687 Main Photo Credit: Mark Fisher **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Accessories, Attire, Gifts, Grooming, Leather Bracelets, Men, Wristbands --- ### [Lumbersexual Look: A Manly Guide to Rugged Style and Grooming](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) **Published:** August 24, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![man with lumbersexual look wearing flannel](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/lumbersexual-look-for-men-guy-flannel.jpg?resize=751%2C508&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [Lumbersexuals channel a masculine vibe](#Lumbersexuals_channel_a_masculine_vibe) - [Lumberjack History](#Lumberjack_History) - [Lumberjacks Gave Us Lumbersexuals](#Lumberjacks_Gave_Us_Lumbersexuals) - [Lumbersexual Key Characteristics](#Lumbersexual_Key_Characteristics) - [Lumbersexual Beard](#Lumbersexual_Beard) - [Beard Style and Shape](#Beard_Style_and_Shape) - [Square Jaw](#Square_Jaw) - [Shaving Above Jawline](#Shaving_Above_Jawline) - [Color Your Beard If Needed](#Color_Your_Beard_If_Needed) - [Use a Beard Brush with Beard Oil](#Use_a_Beard_Brush_with_Beard_Oil) - [Denim for Lumbersexuals](#Denim_for_Lumbersexuals) - [Lumbersexual Boot Options](#Lumbersexual_Boot_Options) - [Lumbersexual Colognes](#Lumbersexual_Colognes) - [Pocket Knife](#Pocket_Knife) - [Lumbersexual Accessories](#Lumbersexual_Accessories) - [Lumbersexual/Lumberjack Poll](#LumbersexualLumberjack_Poll) - [Summing Things Up](#Summing_Things_Up) ## **Lumbersexuals channel a masculine vibe** In recent years, the lumberjack look has come back into style. This is particularly true in urban areas, where men hoping to channel a rugged vibe have made “woodsy” super trendy. It’s caught on in Hollywood too, with stars like Ryan Reynolds and Chris Pine have been seen clad in leather boots and checkered plaid. Guys who dress this way even have their own classification: *lumbersexuals.* ![Ryan Reynolds flannel shirt facial hair lumbersexual lumberjack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/ryan-reynolds-flannel.jpg?resize=500%2C415&ssl=1 "lumbersexual")Check out Ryan Reynolds lumbersexual look You may be wondering *what is a lumbersexual*? Is it for real? Well, hang tight because I’m about to tell you – plus a whole lot more. FYI: As you continue reading this guide, bear in mind that I will use terms like *lumberjack* and *lumbersexual* interchangeably. Doing so allows me to help draw you a mental picture. **In this article, you’ll learn:** - A brief history of lumberjacks - The definition of a lumbersexual - Key characteristics of lumbersexuals - How to grow and shape a lumbersexual beard - Best lumberjack type flannel shirts - Denim ideas for lumbersexual look - Lumberjack boot options - The best woodsy cologne scents - Lumberjack knife options - Ideas for lumbersexual accessories ![cabin in woods lumberjacks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/cabin-in-woods.jpg?resize=450%2C338&ssl=1)Lumberjacks and Lumbersexuals ## **Lumberjack History** No conversation about lumbersexuals can happen unless we understand what fueled their inspiration. Specifically, I’m talking about frontiersman know as lumberjacks. Here’s some quick history. Lumberjacks are men (and women) who are employed in the logging industry and responsible for harvesting and transporting trees. Thanks to their labor intensive work, they help make possible many of the products you use every day. Examples include paper, medicine, furniture, adhesives and even clothing. In truth, the term *lumberjack* is a bit of a throwback to a bygone era in America, just prior to 1945. You see back then, men who harvested trees did so without the benefit of machinery. Instead, they used hand tools and sheer muscle. Yep, that’s right. There were no gas powered buzz saws. No electric cutters. No diesel shredders. Nothing. ![lumberjacks cutting tree old timey](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumberjacks-cuting-tree.jpg?resize=500%2C390&ssl=1)Lumberjacks of old used hand tools That’s why so many of them were built like brick shit houses. That happens when you are lifting timber all day. Talk about an intense upper body workout! In fact, the popular “[Tough Mudder](https://toughmudder.com/)” endurance event was in part inspired by the iconic lumberjacks for this very reason. ![lumbersexual look for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumberjack-coffee.gif?resize=500%2C486&ssl=1)Modern lumberjack look ## **Lumberjacks Gave Us Lumbersexuals** In the peer reviewed journal, [*Historian*](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1540-6563.2008.00224.x/full) an article penned by Adam Tomczik speaks to the nomenclature of men employed in the logging industry of the time period. To be a lumberjack meant working in dangerous, life threatening situations where the hours were long and conditions brutal. While many romanticize lumberjacks, it’s important to keep in mind the realities of their work. These men labored for hours outdoors in all sorts of weather, including fierce rainstorms, blinding blizzards and scorching heat. What’s more, the pay for this type of work was ridiculously low. For shelter, the men stayed in primitive forms of housing; like broken down cabins and makeshift tents. What eventually emerged from the lumberjack culture of the era was an emphasis on masculinity, fearlessness and a strong resistance to modernization. Inspired by this rugged and outdoorsy approach to living, lumbersexuals were born. ## **Lumbersexual Key Characteristics** Before we move into the best way to achieve the logger look, let’s do a quick review of key lumbersexual characteristics. Here are some universal traits: - Has some type of facial hair. - Flannel shirt that’s usually checkered plaid. - Denim jeans or overalls. - Construction boots made of leather. - Sometimes carries a pocket knife. - Commonly an urban dweller but not always - Usually independent minded - Likes channeling a masculine, classic vibe - May wear cologne with a woodsy scent I’m going to walk you through several of these characteristics in detail. I’ll also give you styling ideas to help you get your groove on. ![man lumberjack beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-beard-1.gif?resize=500%2C489&ssl=1)Classic man’s beard lumbersexual style ## **Lumbersexual Beard** If your goal is to get the lumbersexual look going, you are going to need to grow some facial hair. This doesn’t mean you have to have a long, scraggly beast that hangs from your face. But you will need some type of growth. In the modern era, many guys going for the outdoorsy look opt for something short. Try growing out the hair on your face for at least five days and see how it looks. If possible, avoid shaving any of it because you are going to need the full monte for shaping and trimming later. Once you’ve got a decent amount of stubble going, you can then move about the business of styling it however you like. I do have a couple of suggestions here for you to think about. ## **Beard Style and Shape** Once your beard is grown out, it’s time to shape and trim. The trick here is to blend in the hair above the jawline. Then, from the midface area down to the neck, shape and trim your beard so that it’s even. The video above offers an excellent blueprint for trimming and shaping. For blending and styling, choose a trimming tool that offers adjustable settings. One of the best ones on the market is Phillip’s 500 Beard Trimmer ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3dbw9nZ)). I like it because it is easy to use and doesn’t require a bunch of gadgets to work. You literally dial the cutting length to your desired length and that’s it. I’ve used this one years and can tell you it’s an excellent grooming device. ### **Square Jaw** The hallmark of a masculine face is a square jawline. If you don’t plan on growing a full length beard and instead want something short and “stubbly”, I recommend going for a square jaw cut. This is easy to achieve. Simply shape the facial hair under your chin in a straight line. Blend in the hair from the right and left side of your jaw in an angle, using the same cutting length from your trimmer. Pretty easy, right? ### **Shaving Above Jawline** After you have trimmed and shaped, you are going to want to get rid of the excess hair above your jawline and below the neckline. This is critical if you want to have a crisp, manly look. Use a high quality razor, like the Viking Blade safety razor ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/3d6Fhdz)). This one is great for sensitive skin and helps to avoid unsightly bumps. You can use the shaving cream of your choice but if you want a woodsy, rugged scent, consider using Viking’s cedar sandalwood cream ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lDfoF9)). It goes on light and allows for a smooth, close shave. You can get this in some stores and on Amazon when in stock. By the way, be sure to read this short guide on [men’s face care](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips//) so that you keep the skin around your beard looking healthy and fresh. ## **Color Your Beard If Needed** Men who want to look like a lumberjack are really trying to channel a masculine, rugged look. And nothing says vitality more than a solid colored beard. If your facial hair is patchy or if you are seeing lots of greys popping up, don’t be afraid to color it. This is an extremely easy thing to do. Just grab a box of Just for Men from your local pharmacy or on Amazon ([check for pricing](http://amzn.to/2lDbNXl)). Make sure you match your natural color to what you purchase. Tip for guys with dark brown facial hair: your best bet is color M55 (real black). If you go for the anything darker, it may come off as looking fake. ## **[![best beard brush](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/beard-brush-2.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2miIerh)** ## **Use a Beard Brush with Beard Oil** Once you have everything shaped and styled to your liking, it’s time to put the finishing touches on your lumbersexual beard. For this step, all you’ll need is a beard brush and some beard oil. There are lots of products on the market to choose from. For the oil, my own preference is Gentleman’s Beard Oil. You just need a few drops. It does a fantastic job of helping keep your facial hair going in the same direction. The oil also conditions your beard and makes the hair soft. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ljLMMd) for pricing. The next thing you’ll want to grab is a beard brush. Using this type of grooming tool will help your facial hair look sharp and well-maintained. Opt for something with boar bristles, like Viking’s smooth [beard brush](http://amzn.to/2miIerh). I use both of these products and know many men that do as well. Seriously, I highly recommend! ![classic men's flannel shirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/flannel-shirt-wood-1.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1) Lighter Flannel Personally, I like the classic, red and black checkered plaid. If you dig this too, you’ll be very happy with Alimens Cotton Flannel ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3BACrXA)). The shirt screams lumberjack. This one is perfect for a casual get together with close friends, a first date or simply tooling around the house. It’s lighter than other flannels and allows for movement. Some guys wear an undershirt underneath. Others don’t. The choice is yours. [![mens flannel plaid shirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/flannel-3-wood.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/3dc8IL5) Heavier Flannel If you need something heavier that has the logger look, you can get a woodsman quilted shirt jacket from Legendary Whitetails ([Amazon)](https://amzn.to/3dc8IL5). I like this one because the color scheme is traditional with white, black and red checkers. This is a good choice for a cool fall day or an evening where temperatures start to dip into single digits. Because I live in Chicago, I find myself wearing this one a lot during winter. Quick side note: Remember that when you buy an all-cotton product, it is likely going to shrink. Something to think about as you figure out which shirt works best for your needs. [![lumnberjack jeans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/jeans.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/3eK8o6F) ## **Denim for Lumbersexuals** Let’s talk about denim and the type of jeans you that work best for the lumbersexual vibe. Everyone has their favorites and most guys will do just fine with a standard pair of Levi’s bootcut jeans. Keep in mind that loggers often wore lose fitting denim to remain comfortable during intense manual labor. They also preferred clothing that was durable. If you really want something that looks authentic while achieving style, Diesel’s regular bootcut is a smart choice ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/46il4t3)). These come a bit faded, offering a cool, well-worn look. The stitching is solid and will last the test of time. You’ll also find that this particular jean will eventually shape to your body and feels soft. ![lumberjack boots](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/boots.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1) ## Lumbersexual Boot Options There are more choices for men’s boots than I can shake a stick at. But to channel the lumbersexual look, 100% leather is the way to go. To go totally authentic, consider getting a pair of Wolverine Men’s Work Boots ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4wWpaCk)). Made of genuine leather, these boots are made tough and shout woodsman from the timbers. Now if you want something a little more modern but still in line with the logger feel, consider a pair of Red Wing Iron Rangers ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/3BaqYg7)). These too are made from 100% genuine leather and are available in traditional black and brown. As an aside, back in the days of old, lumberjacks didn’t wear white sox. Instead, they did their best to put on wool fabrics. The reasons are obvious; warmth and comfort. You can get wool socks almost anywhere. Just pick something that isn’t so thick that that they prevent you from getting your boots on. [![best woodsy masculine cologne](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/tom-ford-wood.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lJZB7L) ## **Lumbersexual Colognes** To make a special impression, you are going to need something that smells woodsy and manly. Stay away from anything that contains a flowery scent, like patchouli. So I’ll level with you here. You can go with something as simple as Brute Aftershave, which smells crisp and comes off light. In fact, I really like Brute for this very reason. But if you really want something that broadcasts a rich and woodsy smell, Tom Ford makes an awesome private wood blend cologne that is crazy cool. Should you buy this one, keep in mind that a little bit goes a long way. And of course you can checkout our extensive list of the [best colognes for men made simple](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). There’s also Polo’s Supreme Oud Cologne (Amazon). This one is also woodsy with a hint of cinnamon and pine. A great choice for a night out on the town or something casual. ![lumbersexual knife](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/knife-lumbersexuals.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1) ## Pocket Knife If you recall, I mentioned one trait modern lumbersexuals usually have is a pocket knife. If that’s something you are interested in, you may be wondering what works best? Well, if need something designed for serious work and can be used outdoors, consider the knife I discuss in this [survival tent post](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/). If you are like most guys, you probably don’t want something gigantic. Just a small, practical knife for basic cutting. One of the best ones out there (at least to me) is made by the folks at Kershaw Ken. I like this knife because it folds and fits nicely into a pair of jeans. It also has a high degree of utility ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2l6dgCu)). And the best part is that it comes with a pocket clip. This makes for easy retrieval should the need arise. ## **Lumbersexual Accessories** If you are looking for additional lumbersexual accessories, there’s plenty to choose from. I’ve listed a few ideas below to keep it simple: - Black or brown wide leather belt - Flannel hoodie - Pine scented body soap - Wide leather wristband (see my [ultimate leather wristband guide](https://guycounseling.com/mens-leather-bracelets-best-choice-guide/)) - Pine scented body wash - Old timey analogue watch - Red or black skull cap ## **Lumbersexual/Lumberjack Poll** Just for fun, I’ve published a lumbersexual poll. It’s a straight forward set of questions designed to assess your motivations for wanting the outdoor look. ## **Summing Things Up** The great thing about styling yourself as a lumberjack is this form of fashion never goes out of style. It’s attractive, masculine and with just a little effort, easy to pull off. Want to learn more about lumberjacks? Here’s a good book that gives plenty of history, including what it was like to be a lumberjack frontiersman ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2m8PgmH)) I hope you found this guide useful. Thanks for taking the time to read! — References: Tomczik, A. (2008) He-men Could Talk to He-men in He-man Language”: Lumberjack Work Culture in Maine and Minnesota, 1840–1940. The Historian. Volume 70: Issue 4 **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Affiliate, Beard, Face Care, Lumbersexual, Masculine, Men's Grooming, Style --- ### [What To Do If Your Girlfriend Never Initiates Sex](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/) **Published:** August 23, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![girlfriend initiates couple in love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/girlfriend-never-initiates.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Creating change in the bedroom** Are you in a relationship with a woman who never initiates sex? Feeling frustrated with (yet again) having to be the person to get things going? Curious if she still finds you attractive? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. As a counselor, I can tell you that this topic comes up a lot more than you might think. Here’s the thing – in our culture, there is a false belief that men must be the ones to get the ball rolling. Much of this relates to faulty constructs of gender roles. **More:** [When you want sex more than your girlfriend](https://guycounseling.com/want-sex-girlfriend/) That said, in healthy relationships, bedroom assertiveness tends to run along parallel lines. In other words, it’s not exclusively the “man’s job” to light the fire. Here’s why: If you’re **always** in the position having to coax your mate into sex, it can take a toll on self-esteem. Over time, this can cause: - Feelings of sexual boredom - Frustration and resentment - Concerns about body image - Irrational assumptions - Checking out other women (and more). So, given the dynamics, are there any options? Can you *really* do anything to create positive change? The simple answer is – **yes**. But there is a catch. You’ve first got to ditch all your assumptions about “why” she’s not doing it. Instead, I encourage you to focus on the what. *What can be different.* After clearing your head [through a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/), read what appears below. My hope is that you’ll walk away with a new perspective – and plan of action. Let’s jump right in! ## 1. What can change with intimacy? More than anything, intimacy is a **major** part of creating sexual desire. At the beginning stages of a courtship, touching comes easy because of a powerful, physical attraction. But as time marches on, carnal desire can fade. Combine this with living busy lives and you can see how things deteriorate. This is why creating time for intimacy is critical. When was last time you did any of the following? - Held hands or caressed your girlfriend. - Gave her a passionate kiss. - Complimented her on her appearance? No doubt about it – intimacy takes time. And strengthening atrophied intimacy can take even more time. Honesty, respect, and transparent communication are all part of the equation. ## 2. What are her assumptions? Yes, this one may sound dumb and you may be wondering if your girlfriend gets you at all. But, tuning into someone can only happen where there is a connection. Some women have delicate egos. More so if they’ve been rejected in the past. This can make it difficult for them to put themselves out there sexually. Here are some questions to focus on: - Do you send out a vibe that broadcasts you aren’t interested? - Does she struggle with body shame? If so, are you doing anything to worsen that shame? - Does she know what you are into sexually? Is their doubt? As with everything interwoven in this piece, communication is paramount. I’m no fool – this is difficult to discuss. But if you don’t, who will? ## ![laugh lines gym face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/laugh-lines-man-face.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)3. What are your patterns? If the situation is such whereby you have always been the pursuer, there could be a ritual at play where things are concretized. In other words, she might not know it’s cool to initiate because that’s just not how things have happened historically. This is where that “what” question pop up again. Consider asking yourself the following. - What would it be like to role play and have her be the initiator. Example: “The Policeman” or “The Inspector”. - Create role playing games with her input and let her actively make suggestions. - Use movies you both like for generating ideas. Action flicks work best. Back in high school, you probably learned that spontaneous generation doesn’t really exist. So, if it doesn’t happen in science, why would it occur between the sheets? Yep, this may be awkward – I get it. But then again, creating change isn’t easy. ## 4. What is your definition of sex? Has the situation been such that you always want oral? On that note, is the experience like watching the rerun of a movie twenty-times? **More:** [How guys really break up](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) If the answer is yes, your mate is likely bored. Sure, you may be having a good time but what about her? That’s why I am saying it’s important to reexamine your definition of sex. Why does it always have to be the same? What would it be like to do something different? Example: Watching one another self-pleasuring and going from there. If you are a busy couple (most are) then be OK with simple, quick things. No need to go into specifics but you get my drift. The old saying is true: *A little bit of something now is better than nothing later.* Talk to your girlfriend. Tell her what you want to do. [Even if you are an alpha man](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/), encourage her to initiate from time to time. In turn, she’ll get the signal that making the first move is completely OK. It may not happen overnight but in time, things should change. ## ![cancer and Scorpio compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/cancer-and-scoprio.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)5. What’s are you communicating. This final tip has been threaded throughout this article and now comes full circle. In my experience, the biggest roadblock to initiation is linked communication – or lack thereof. Here’s something to think about: **What if your girlfriend doesn’t know how?** If she doesn’t, how can this dynamic be changed if it’s not talked about? What I am about to say may sound misogynistic. I don’t mean it to be however, it needs to be said: **Training our mates is part of the relationship process. It’s also a two-way street and not a one-way road.** I’m not saying this as part of some domination fantasy. Instead, it’s about emotional training that naturally occurs through trust. Help build her confidence. When she does initiate, let her know you like it. Reinforce desired behaviors through positive affirmation. In psychology, this is called using the approach of [operant conditioning](https://www.simplypsychology.org/operant-conditioning.html). Perhaps you learned about it in school? If you haven’t, be sure to read the information on that link. ## Wrapping things up If getting her to initiate more is a goal for the future, it’s mega important to focus on the “what” questions mentioned above. One book I’d like to recommend to you is called *The Five languages of* love by Chapman and Southern ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2zKvEcg)). Lots of useful insight with easy to understand tips.ope you found this post useful. Thank you for stopping by! **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Girlfriend, intimacy, Relationships --- ### [5 Nervous Flyer Tips to Keep You Calm on Planes](https://guycounseling.com/nervous-flyer-tip/) **Published:** August 23, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![nervous flyer tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/nervous-flyers-travel.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Nervous flyer tips for jittery passengers** Are you a [nervous flyer](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0887618597000091)? Do you “white knuckle” the armrest during takeoffs and landings? Do strange noises, like “clunks” and “bangs” freak you out? Turbulence scare you? If your answer is yes, you aren’t alone. As a mental health counselor who helps people work through anxiety, the issue of flying fears pops up frequently. In fact, they’re fairly common. If you want to hear a podcast I did on this topic, see below: Let’s face it, when you’re traveling at 500 miles per hour in a winged tube, small things have a way of grabbing your attention. Even I’ve had nervous moments when taking to the sky, particularly during bad turbulence. Because I’m aware of how scary it can be for some people to board an aircraft, I felt inspired to write this piece. So, in a bit, I’m going to give you some practical tips to help keep you calm during your flight. Towards the end of this post, I’ve also included a fear of flying video to reinforce some of what’s been shared here. But first, I’d like to share some background. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/propeller-plane.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Nervous flying tips Years ago, before I worked in the field of mental health, I was employed in commercial aviation. My job was nothing special; just a passenger services representative for a major U.S. airline. During my time in this role, I became friends with several pilots. Over the decades, I’ve kept in contact with many of them. Here, I’m talking about professionals who are in command of widely used aircraft in the sky today, like the Boeing 737, 757 and 777. Others I know fly the Airbus A319 and A320. And believe it or not, my neighbor flies a twin-engine transport turboprop that shuttles people around the Midwest. To help prepare this piece, I consulted with a few of these professionals and asked for input. Infused in each of the tips, I’ve infused their with coping strategies to help you stay calm when flying. Let’s jump right in! ![nervous flyers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/nervous-flyers.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Strange noises aren’t all that strange ## **1. Anticipate Noise** A pilot of a 737 shared with me that the “strange noises” people often hear are often spoilers, electrical servos, flaps and trim. And because engine speeds increase and decrease during certain parts of a flight, whining sounds are quite common. **Coping tip:** Before boarding the aircraft, anticipate noises. Recognize they are a normal and are not an indication that something is wrong. ## **2. Mindful Breathing    Upon boarding an aircraft, it’s common to become hyperaware of everything and everyone. In some ways, this is a good thing. But as a pilot of a MD-80 told me, being too hyperaware can make some passengers misinterpret sensations. For example, creaking sounds from an overhead bin are not an indication that it’s about to collapse. Instead, the bin was designed to flex and bow, as is the entire plane. **Coping tip:** Use your other five senses to reduce hyper-focusing on a given sounds. If you notice you’re paying *too* much attention to a given sound, like a vibration, allow your mind to tune into something else. The way to get there is through deep mindful breathing. This will allow you to center your thoughts on how your lungs inhale and exhale oxygen. As you do this, you’ll be paying less attention to whatever stimuli is making you nervous. If you want to learn more about [mindful breathing](http://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/mindful_breathing), visit the University of California’s Greater Good Science Center. There, you’ll find a step by step walk-through of mindful breathing. ![nervous flyers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/nervous-flyers.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Turbulence is normal ## **3. Anticipate Turbulence    When turbulence strikes, particularly when sudden, can be rattling. A 20-year veteran of a major carrier who currently flies the “triple 7” told me that turbulence happens on every flight. This means during take-off, landing and in between. But his salient point was that it’s usually short in duration. Moreover, commercial aircraft are built to withstand turbulence. In the case of the Boeing 777, it has the ability to withstand over one million pounds of wing loading. That’s the equivalent of resting 250 average sized cars on each wing! Think of this next time you are worried about structural integrity. **Coping tip:** Assume you will experience some amount of turbulence on your flight. Psychologically preparing yourself for this may help to reduce fear. ## **4. Guided Imagery** Some people who fly experience the phenomenon of intrusive thoughts. Example: your plane experiences a sudden bump and immediately, your mind starts to flash imagery of the aircraft spiraling out of control. A 737 pilot, who occasionally speaks at flying fear workshops, told me he encourages people with intrusive thoughts to not try and fight them. Instead, he suggests it’s better to acknowledge their presence. **Coping tip:** Rather than try to push an unpleasant thought out of your mind, allow it to be present. Doing so gives the power of the imagery less intensity. It also helps the thought to pass. Part of this involves employing certain concepts from a type of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or [ACT](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/). Under this point, some people find it helpful to close their eyes and engage in quick meditation using guided imagery. For example, imagine yourself laying back on a beach. As you look at the clouds overhead, project the unpleasant imagery in your mind’s eye onto the cloud’s whiteness. After you’ve spent sufficient time focusing on the cloud, allow the wind to gently blow it away – off into the distance. ![plane blue sky](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/planes.jpg?resize=640%2C380&ssl=1)Learn about airplanes ## **5. Learn About Planes** One of the major reasons people identify as “nervous flyers” is a fear of the unknown. In other words, because they aren’t pilots and don’t have a lot of knowledge about commercial aircraft, their mind fills in the gaps. When this happens, it’s usually with the wrong information. A retired Boeing 757 pilot shared with me that if more passengers learned about how planes worked, they’d feel far less jittery when traveling. **Coping tip:** Learn all you can about planes and how they work. One way I assist clients on this front is by having them pick up a copy of *[Confidential Cockpit](http://amzn.to/2ovK8J0)* by pilot, Patrick Smith*.* Inside, you’ll find tons of insight about commercial aircraft. Here, I’m talking about everything from the strangle “whistling noise” permeating through the cabin to how planes are built to withstand turbulence and bad weather. To help get you started under this tip, I’m including a video produced by ABC News that features a group of people with extreme flying fears. Working as a team, they learn about how planes function, which in turn helps them to move through their flying phobias. ## **Summing Things Up** There’s no such thing as a magic cure for nervousness on flights. Anyone who tries to tell you different is selling you a load of bull. What you can do, however, is learn how to effectively cope with your flying fears and change perceptions linked to anxiety causing stimuli. I hope the tips in this post was useful! **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Anxiety, Fear of Flying, Nervous Flyer, Phobias, Travel --- ### [10 Grooming Habits of Attractive Men Made Simple](https://guycounseling.com/grooming-habits-attractive-men/) **Published:** August 22, 2026 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ## **![attractive men grooming habits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/attractive-man-grooming-habits-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [Grooming Habits of Attractive Men](#Grooming_Habits_of_Attractive_Men) - [1. Use the right body wash](#1_Use_the_right_body_wash) - [2. Manscape your privates](#2_Manscape_your_privates) - [3. Apply the right moisturizer for men](#3_Apply_the_right_moisturizer_for_men) - [4. Shave and shape](#4_Shave_and_shape) - [5. Apply Aftershave Balm](#5_Apply_Aftershave_Balm) - [6. Splash on some cologne](#6_Splash_on_some_cologne) - [7. Brush and floss daily](#7_Brush_and_floss_daily) - [8. Get to a barber](#8_Get_to_a_barber) - [9. Prevent hair loss](#9_Prevent_hair_loss) - [10. Apply a facial mask](#10_Apply_a_facial_mask) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## **Grooming Habits of Attractive Men** Searching for men’s grooming habits? Hoping to look more attractive? Trying to up your game and develop a [strong skin care routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) that makes your mug look dapper? If the answer is yes, welcome to the club. Most men want to look their best without having to spend forever and a day making it happen. So, the question becomes how do you create a positive habit around personal grooming that doesn’t eat up most of your time or become overly complicated? Well, there are lots of options. If you are looking for a boatload of ideas, here’s a [men’s grooming tips page](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/).  But if you just need a smattering of the basics, you’ll find everything you need right here. What follows are 10 grooming habits of attractive men made simple. Some of these are common sense while others will cause may make you pause and think. Read them all to get the most from the experience. OK, check it out. ![men's body washes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/shower.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s grooming starts in the shower ## **1. Use the right body wash** If you want to be attractive, you’ve got to stop using soap and start using a body wash designed for men. The challenge of course is identifying the right one for your body type. An easy way to do this is to get to know your skin better. Make sure you pop by our [best body washes for men page](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) to determine your skin type and then move about the business of picking the right product. ## **2. Manscape your privates** You can do it when you are in the shower for some tasks and away from running water for others. The point is manscaping needs to become a regular ritual in your life. It’s not all that complicated. Depending on your goal, only occasional maintenance may be needed. But if you are going for a trimmed and clean look, [shaving your pubic area](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) daily is important. ## **3. Apply the right moisturizer for men** After showering, it’s critical that you apply moisturizer. Not only will this help your skin look better, it can also prevent the visible signs of aging. But don’t be a cheapo and reach for the least expensive item on the shelf. Instead, get to know what works best for your skin and pick the right product. See our extensive page on the best [moisturizers for men based on your skin](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/). ![grooming tips for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1)Shave and shape your beard ## **4. Shave and shape** While you don’t have to do it every day, you will need to focus on facial hair a few times a week. Much of what goes into determining frequency will depend on your goals. If you want to develop a [short beard style](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/), it’ll take some time. But if you are looking to go all out and transform your [beard into Thor’s](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/), plan on shaping to become a daily thing. Oh, by the way – the type of razor you use matters. As a general rule, you are better off spending money on high-quality razors as opposed to the pharmacy brand that can rip up your face. ## **5. Apply Aftershave Balm** Yep, that’s right. After you are done shaving and shaping, you’ll need to slap on some balm to heal and soothe your skin. There’s lots of options to consider. As a way of helping you make the right decision, be sure to review this page on [men’s aftershaves and balms](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/). The trick is knowing (you’ve heard this before) what your skin type is and how it responds to various products. ## **6. Splash on some cologne** A lot of men are resistant to wearing cologne because they don’t want to overpower. That’s a shame because part of being manly means giving off a woody scent. You don’t have to spend a fortune to get yourself smelling good. In fact, it’s possible to pick up a brand name product for less than a tank of gas. Here’s a page for [everything you ever wanted to know about men’s cologne](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). Remember, price is not an indicator of quality. ![attractive men teeth](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/attractive-men-teeth-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are your teeth straight and white? ## **7. Brush and floss daily** Sure, you already know that taking care of your teeth is important. But did you know that keeping them white and healthy requires daily maintenance? At a minimum, you should brush twice a day. Moreover, flossing before bed is a must. This keeps harmful plaque at bay; a substance filled with nasty bacteria that eat away at your choppers. Has it been a long time since you’ve visited the dentist? You aren’t alone. But if you keep saying “one day I’ll go”, you’ll eventually find yourself out of tooth-saving options. If you have time, be sure to [read all about dental fears](https://guycounseling.com/fear-of-dentist-8-tips/) and then make an appointment with your specialist. ## **8. Get to a barber** If you are like a lot of men, it’s easier to throw on a baseball cap than styling your locks. But at some point, you are going to have to give your hair the care it deserves. Part of this involves making regular trips to the barber. Not that there’s anything wrong with a stylist – there’s not. But a barber is specially trained in men’s hairstyles with specific emphasis on using clippers. If you’ve never been to one or need help figuring out how to pick the right professional, visit this page that offers [five tips for picking a men’s barber](https://guycounseling.com/barbershop-haircut-men/). ## **9. Prevent hair loss** Are you starting to lose your hair? Hoping to find natural solutions that don’t cost a fortune? Believe it or not, such options exist. To begin with, talk to your doctor about getting a prescription for Finasteride. This may help you keep the hair you’ve got while encouraging new hair growth. Second, start using a conditioner that is designed to sprout new follicles. There are several products available. An excellent one to consider is [Ultrax Labs Solaye Conditioner](https://guycounseling.com/hair-solaye-conditioner-review/). We reviewed this guy and are very happy with the results. ## **10. Apply a facial mask** Here’s a secret that really is a gift. Attractive men who take care of their face daily use some type of a face mask at least once a week. Believe it or not, companies today are specifically marketing clay and mud masks made for guys. That’s because more and more, men have figured out that in order to look younger and more attractive, they need to do more than apply a cream. Here’s everything you ever wanted to know about [the best men’s face masks based on science](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/). ## **Wrap Up** If you want to be an attractive man, you’ve got to develop habits that help you look your best. Obviously, regular exercise and a healthy diet need to be part of the mix. That said, grooming and self-care are important ingredients for looking sharp. And hey buddy – aren’t you worth it? — **Related Posts** [Why having morning wood is a good sign of vitality ](https://guycounseling.com/men-morning-wood/) **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Beauty Tips, Body Wash, Cologne, Face Cream, face mask, Grooming --- ### [You're Not Creepy. But Here's Why You're Worried You Are](https://guycounseling.com/not-seem-creepy-dating/) **Published:** August 19, 2026 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![guy nervious on a date at a bar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/guy-at-bar-nervious-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Feeling Creepy In Dating Situations? If you’re the kind of guy who lies awake replaying a text to see if it came across wrong, here’s something worth hearing up front: that worry says more good things about you than bad. Concern about how you come across, especially around a woman’s comfort, usually points to empathy and self awareness. That’s not nothing. It’s actually the foundation good dating behavior gets built on. The problem isn’t the concern itself. It’s when normal, healthy awareness tips into hypervigilance, and hypervigilance turns into you standing on the sidelines of your own life. ## Why This Fear Feels So Loud Right Now A few things are happening at once, and it’s worth naming them plainly. Social anxiety plays a real role for a lot of men. Approaching someone you’re attracted to activates the same threat response as any other high stakes social moment, so your body can react like something dangerous is happening even when it isn’t. That physical spike of nerves gets easily mistaken for evidence you’re doing something wrong, when it usually just means you care about the outcome. Fear of rejection compounds it. Nobody enjoys being turned down, but a lot of men were raised with the idea that romantic rejection reflects badly on them as a person, not just on the fit in that particular moment. That belief makes every approach feel higher stakes than it actually is. **Related:** [My girlfriend’s addicted to social media](https://guycounseling.com/social-media-girlfriend-addicted/) Modern dating norms genuinely are less clear than they used to be. Fewer people meet in person first, and there’s no single agreed upon script for how to flirt, ask someone out, or read interest once you take dating apps out of the equation. Uncertainty breeds overthinking, and overthinking breeds hesitation. Greater awareness of women’s boundaries and safety concerns is a good thing, full stop. Understanding that women navigate real safety considerations men often don’t have to think about is part of being a decent, informed partner. The issue isn’t the awareness itself. It’s when anxious men turn that awareness into a constant, exhausting audit of their own behavior instead of a baseline of respect they carry naturally. Social media adds another layer. Stories about uncomfortable or unsafe encounters circulate constantly online, and they should, because they matter. But an anxious brain doesn’t file those stories away as one possible outcome among many. It treats them as the likely outcome of any interaction, which distorts the actual odds. And a lot of men simply have less practice than previous generations did. If most of your dating experience has happened through apps, you haven’t had many reps at reading a room, holding eye contact, or riding out an awkward pause in person. Without that practice, ordinary social awkwardness, a flat joke, a stumbled sentence, a pause that runs a beat too long, can feel like proof that something is wrong with you, when it’s usually just proof that you’re human. None of this means men shouldn’t approach women. It means a specific kind of guy, the thoughtful, conscientious kind, is prone to mistaking normal nerves for a moral failing. Once you can tell the difference, most of the fear loses its grip. So let’s separate the two clearly. Below are six categories of behavior that genuinely cross a line, distinct from ordinary awkwardness. If you’re not doing these, the discomfort you feel beforehand is nerves, not a warning sign. If one or two sound familiar, here’s how to course correct without losing your confidence in the process. ## 1. The Stare That Doesn’t Break Eye contact is one of the most powerful tools you have when you’re interested in someone. It’s also one of the easiest to overdo, and often it’s anxiety, not confidence, that causes people to overdo it. When you freeze up internally, your body can stay locked in place, eyes included, even while your instincts are telling you to look away. A warm glance held a beat too long reads as interest. A fixed, unbroken stare reads as something else, and it’s one of the behaviors that shows up most often in surveys of what makes women uncomfortable. **The fix:** Make eye contact, hold it warmly, then look away and re-engage naturally. If you want to approach, do it within a minute or two of noticing her rather than watching from a distance first. Confidence looks like action, not surveillance. If you catch yourself stuck in a stare, treat it as a cue to move, not to double down. ## 2. Chasing After the Conversation Has Ended She gave you one word answers. She turned her body away. She said she should get going and you kept talking anyway. A lot of guys miss signals like these because anxiety pulls attention inward. When you’re nervous, you’re often more focused on your own performance, what to say next, how you’re coming across, than on actually reading her. Attunement, the skill of picking up on someone else’s cues in real time, is hard to access when you’re stuck in your own head. **The fix:** Treat any exit signal as your cue to wrap it up graciously. A simple, warm goodbye costs you nothing and leaves a much better impression than pushing for five more minutes she didn’t want to give you. ## 3. Turning No Response Into Try Harder This is the one that trips up well meaning guys most often. She hasn’t texted back in two days, so you send a follow up. Still nothing, so you send another. Silence is uncomfortable, especially if you tend toward rejection sensitivity, an anxious expectation of being turned down. A second and third message often isn’t really about her. It’s an attempt to resolve your own discomfort with not knowing, and on her end it can feel like pressure or like a boundary she already communicated by simply not answering. **The fix:** One follow up message is normal. A second one, days later, if you genuinely have something new to say, is fine too. After that, silence is an answer. Take it as one, and put your energy toward someone who’s actually engaging with you. ## 4. Comments That Skip the Getting to Know You Phase Leading with a comment about someone’s body, or pushing the conversation toward sex before you’ve established any actual rapport, rarely comes from malice. It’s often an attempt to establish interest quickly, especially for guys who’ve been burned before and want confirmation as fast as possible. But intent doesn’t change impact. A comment can be entirely well meant and still land as unsettling if it arrives before there’s any relationship to hang it on. **The fix:** Compliment things she has control over: her sense of humor, something she said, her energy. Save the physical compliments for once there’s real chemistry and mutual interest established. It’s a small sequencing change that makes a big difference in how you’re perceived. ## 5. Closing the Physical Gap Before There’s Trust Standing too close, blocking an exit, or touching someone before you’ve built any rapport can trigger a fight or flight response, whether or not that’s your intention. Your intention might be nothing more than warmth. Her nervous system doesn’t know that yet. Until trust is established, physical proximity reads as information about safety, not about your character. **The fix:** Give people physical space by default and let closeness build naturally as comfort builds. A hand on the arm after twenty minutes of great conversation lands completely differently than the same gesture in the first thirty seconds. ## 6. Tracking, Monitoring, or Showing Up Uninvited Checking her social media obsessively, commenting on her whereabouts, or showing up somewhere you weren’t invited because you happened to know she’d be there. This pattern often comes less from a desire to control someone and more from a need for certainty. Not knowing where you stand can feel unbearable, and monitoring can feel like a way to manage that discomfort. But it trades her sense of safety for your sense of certainty, and that’s not a fair trade. **The fix:** Curiosity about someone you’re interested in is normal. Tracking their movements is not. If you notice yourself keeping tabs on someone instead of just talking to them, that’s worth sitting with. It usually says more about your own anxiety than it does about her. ## What Respectful Confidence Actually Looks Like Once you strip away the six behaviors above, a natural question remains. If all of that is off the table, what does confidence actually look like? Not what a lot of dating advice implies. Confidence isn’t assuming she’ll be interested. It isn’t knowing you’ll get a yes. Real confidence is being willing to express genuine interest while staying okay with whatever she says back. A simple way to hold that idea: confidence isn’t knowing she’ll say yes. It’s knowing you’ll be okay if she doesn’t. That distinction matters because a lot of what reads as creepy or pushy comes from men trying to guarantee an outcome instead of simply expressing interest and letting her respond freely. If your sense of worth is riding on her answer, you’ll unconsciously pressure her toward the answer you need, whether through over texting, ignoring cues, or pushing past a soft no. If your sense of worth doesn’t depend on her answer, you can ask cleanly, hear the response, and move forward either way. **Related:** [10 signs a girl likes you](https://guycounseling.com/signs-woman-likes-you-interested/) In practice, that looks like a few specific habits. Saying what you mean without padding it in disclaimers, then letting the moment breathe instead of filling every silence out of nerves. Reading her actual response instead of your own anxiety, since a hesitant maybe isn’t a yes to push toward, and an enthusiastic yes doesn’t need to be second guessed into a no. Treating a no as information about fit in that moment, not a verdict on your worth. It’s allowed to sting. That doesn’t mean it means anything lasting about you. And being willing to walk away from an interaction cleanly. The guy who can say no worries, have a good one, and mean it is showing more confidence than the guy who keeps trying to salvage interest that isn’t there. This is where the anxiety piece and the confidence piece connect. The fear of coming across as creepy often shares a root with the fear of rejection: needing the interaction to go a certain way. Loosen your grip on the outcome, and most of the behaviors that read as creepy start to fall away on their own, because they were never really about her. They were about managing your own discomfort. ## The Bigger Picture Notice the common thread. None of this is really about attraction, looks, or personality. It’s about whether she has room to respond honestly, and whether you can handle her honest response either way. Every one of the six behaviors above is fixable with awareness, not a personality overhaul. If you didn’t recognize yourself in any of the six, let that be reassurance rather than something to overanalyze. If you did recognize a pattern, that’s not a character flaw. It’s usually a learnable habit tied to old beliefs about rejection or limited practice reading social cues, and it gets easier with the right support and a little self awareness, not something to white knuckle through alone. **Got a question about dating, confidence, or relationships you want covered on the show?** Reach out through our [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/) and it might make it into an upcoming episode of The Men’s Self Help Podcast. *This article is for general informational purposes and isn’t a substitute for individualized advice from a licensed mental health professional.* ## FAQ **Is it true that most men who worry about being creepy aren’t creepy?** Concern about how you come across is generally a sign of empathy and self awareness, not evidence you’re doing something wrong. The behaviors that actually cross a line, outlined above, are specific and identifiable. If you’re not doing those, the discomfort you feel beforehand is more likely nerves than a real warning sign. **What’s the difference between being nervous and being creepy?** Nervousness looks like stammering, awkward pauses, or over explaining yourself. Creepiness is about behavior that ignores or overrides someone else’s comfort and boundaries. You can be nervous and still be entirely respectful at the same time. **How many times is it okay to text someone before it’s too much?** One follow up after no response is generally reasonable. Beyond that, treat silence as an answer and put your energy elsewhere. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Boundaries, dating advice for men, dating confidence, fear of rejection, men’s mental health, social anxiety --- ### [Stop Musterbating: How “Should” Statements Fuel Anxiety and Shame](https://guycounseling.com/should-statements/) **Published:** August 18, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man at fork in road riddled with should statements](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/stop-musterbating-everywhere-mens-self-help-podcast-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) There is a word that psychologist Albert Ellis coined decades ago that still makes people do a double-take the first time they hear it. The word is musterbation. And no, it is not what you think. Musterbation — spelled M-U-S-T — is Ellis’s deliberately provocative term for one of the most common and destructive patterns in human thinking: the relentless use of should, must, have to, and ought to as psychological demands rather than simple preferences. It is the mental habit of insisting that life, other people, and yourself must conform to a rigid internal rulebook — and then suffering deeply when reality fails to comply. If you have ever caught yourself thinking I should be further along by now, I must not fail, my relationship ought to be easier than this, or I should be able to handle this on my own — you already know what musterbation feels like, even if you have never had a name for it. The term itself is a little funny. The damage it does is anything but. This article explores the psychology behind must and should statements, where they come from, and what you can actually do to challenge them. It draws on concepts from Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, the framework Ellis built his career around, and on real clinical experience working with men who have spent years living inside their own invisible rulebooks. Table of Contents Toggle - [What Is Musterbation? The Psychology Behind Should Statements](#What_Is_Musterbation_The_Psychology_Behind_Should_Statements) - [The Overachievement Trap: When Musts Drive Success](#The_Overachievement_Trap_When_Musts_Drive_Success) - [The ABCs of REBT: What Ellis Actually Taught](#The_ABCs_of_REBT_What_Ellis_Actually_Taught) - [A Story About Patrick: Recognizing Rigid Thinking in Real Life](#A_Story_About_Patrick_Recognizing_Rigid_Thinking_in_Real_Life) - [How to Challenge Should Statements: Three Practical Steps](#How_to_Challenge_Should_Statements_Three_Practical_Steps) - [Step One: Catch It](#Step_One_Catch_It) - [Step Two: Challenge It](#Step_Two_Challenge_It) - [Step Three: Replace It](#Step_Three_Replace_It) - [Should Statements in Relationships: A Brief Example](#Should_Statements_in_Relationships_A_Brief_Example) - [The Bottom Line on Musterbation](#The_Bottom_Line_on_Musterbation) - [Free Resource](#Free_Resource) ## What Is Musterbation? The Psychology Behind Should Statements Albert Ellis was one of the most influential psychologists of the twentieth century, and he had a gift for naming things so memorably that you could not forget them. Musterbation was his label for irrational, absolutistic thinking — the kind that shows up in language like I must, I should, I have to, and people ought to. **Related:** [How to stop spiraling right now](https://guycounseling.com/what-to-do-when-youre-spiraling/) In Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, or REBT, Ellis argued that it is rarely the events in our lives that create our emotional distress. It is the rigid meaning we attach to those events — especially when that meaning is built on non-negotiable demands rather than flexible preferences. Should statements and must statements are the primary vehicles for that kind of rigid thinking. The difference between a demand and a preference seems small on paper. In practice, it is the difference between I’d really like to succeed at this and I absolutely must succeed at this, or something is fundamentally wrong with me. One keeps you motivated. The other quietly makes you anxious, ashamed, and resentful — regardless of how the situation actually turns out. Here is the part that catches most people off guard. Should statements and must statements do not feel like opinions. They feel like facts. Like gravity. Like they are simply describing the way things are supposed to work. That is precisely what makes them so difficult to catch — and so effective at generating distress. When a man thinks I should be making more money by now, he is not usually aware that he is interpreting reality through a set of self-imposed rules. He experiences it as an obvious truth: a grown man at his age with his background should be earning more. Full stop. The should feels descriptive. It is actually prescriptive — a demand he has placed on himself, often without ever consciously choosing it. This is why one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself when a should statement shows up is not is this true? but according to who? According to who should you be over this by now? According to who must you have your entire life figured out at thirty-five? According to who is it your job to keep everyone around you comfortable, even at your own expense? Most should statements cannot survive that question. They fall apart the moment you ask for their credentials. ## The Overachievement Trap: When Musts Drive Success There is a particular version of musterbation that shows up frequently in high-performing men, and it is worth naming on its own. Overachievers often appear, from the outside, to have everything together. They hit goals. They advance. By most objective measures, they are winning. And yet they feel like they are constantly falling behind — because the moment they reach one finish line, they move it. The promotion arrives, but now they need the bigger title. The house is purchased, but now it needs to be larger. The weight comes off, but now the criticism shifts to the pounds that remain. The success lands, but the satisfaction lasts approximately forty-eight hours before the next should appears. This is not ambition. Ambition is a preference with momentum — I want this, and I’m going to work for it. What overachievers often experience instead is a demand: I must keep achieving, or I am not enough. The engine looks the same from the outside. The internal experience is completely different. If you recognize yourself in this description, it is worth asking: are you pursuing your goals because you genuinely want them? Or because not achieving them would mean something unbearable about who you are? That distinction is at the heart of what Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy is designed to help you untangle. ## The ABCs of REBT: What Ellis Actually Taught To understand how should statements create emotional distress, it helps to understand the framework Ellis built around them. In REBT, it is called the ABC model. **A** stands for the activating event — the thing that happens. A job rejection. A difficult conversation. A relationship conflict. A birthday that arrives and finds you somewhere other than where you expected to be. **B** stands for the belief — specifically, the rigid demand you bring to the event. I must not be rejected. People should treat me fairly. I have to be further along than this. **C** stands for the consequence — the emotional and behavioral result. Anxiety. Shame. Anger. Avoidance. Depression. Most people assume that A causes C — that the event causes the emotion. Ellis spent his career arguing that it is B, the belief, that does most of the damage. Two people can experience the exact same event and feel completely different things about it, because they are filtering it through different belief systems. Change the belief — specifically, soften the demand into a preference — and the emotional consequence changes with it. This does not mean your emotions are not valid. It means your interpretation of what the event requires of you is worth examining. ## A Story About Patrick: Recognizing Rigid Thinking in Real Life In my work with men over the years, I have seen the damage that should statements can do up close. Consider someone like Patrick — a thirty-five-year-old man from a working-class Chicago neighborhood who came to therapy for help with self-esteem. From the outside, Patrick had a lot going for him. Good job. Hard worker. A family he loved. By most measures, he was doing well. Inside his own head, he was miserable — because he could not stop measuring his real life against an imaginary rulebook that said things like I should be further along, I should have figured this out by now, I shouldn’t still be struggling with this. In one session, Patrick said something that illustrated the problem perfectly. He looked across the room and said, I think I should be over this by now, don’t you? I’m thirty-five, not twenty-five. I asked him one question: according to who? He blinked. Then, after a few seconds of silence, he started laughing — because it hit him. There was no universal law. There was no cosmic timetable. He had been measuring himself against a rule he invented in his own head, and he had been treating that rule as though it had the same status as physics. That moment — that small shift from I should to says who? — is where the work of challenging should statements actually begins. ## How to Challenge Should Statements: Three Practical Steps Understanding the psychology of must and should statements is useful. Having a method for working with them is what actually changes things. REBT offers a straightforward three-step process that you can begin using on your own. I encourage you to consider using this [thought court approach](https://guycounseling.com/thought-court-cbt-exercise/) as part of the process. ### Step One: Catch It You cannot change a thought you never notice. The first task is simply to start listening for the musts and shoulds running through your own head during the course of a day. These statements are sneaky — they present themselves as facts, not opinions, and they tend to arrive quickly and quietly. Start by just flagging them. You do not need to fight them or fix them at this stage. You just need to notice that they are there. I caught a should. Interesting. That is it for step one. If you want a structured tool for this, the ABC Model worksheet from Therapist Aid is a useful starting point. It walks you through identifying the activating event, the belief, and the emotional consequence in a concrete, written format — the same kind of tool used in clinical settings. A link to that free worksheet is available at the bottom of this article. ### Step Two: Challenge It Once you have caught the should statement, put it on trial. In REBT, this process is called disputation — and it is exactly what it sounds like. You are questioning whether the rule holds up under scrutiny. The most useful questions are: - **According to who?** Who decided this rule exists, and what authority do they have? - **Where is the evidence?** What proof is there that this must be true? - **Is this rule actually helping me?** Or is it just beating me up? - **What would I tell a close friend** who was holding himself to this same standard? The goal of disputation is not to convince yourself that standards do not matter or that effort is irrelevant. It is to expose the difference between a reasonable preference and an irrational demand. Most rigid should statements do not survive basic cross-examination. ### Step Three: Replace It The third step is where the actual change happens. You do not simply delete the demand and leave a hole. You replace it with a preference — a statement that still reflects what you want, without making your worth or your capacity to cope contingent on getting it. Some examples of how this works in practice: *I must succeed\* becomes \*I would strongly prefer to succeed, and I am going to work hard toward that. But my value as a person does not hang on the outcome.* *I should be over this by now\* becomes \*I would really like to be further along in this. I am going to keep doing the work. And I can accept that healing does not run on my schedule.* *My partner must understand me\* becomes \*I really want my partner to understand me. I am going to keep communicating. And I can handle the moments when they do not get it perfectly.* Read those pairs again and notice what actually changed. You did not stop caring. You did not lower your standards. You still want the thing. You just stopped making your sense of self-worth — or your ability to cope — hostage to the outcome. A preference says I want this and I will pursue it. A demand says I must have this or I am worthless. One of those fuels you. The other one quietly crushes you. ## Should Statements in Relationships: A Brief Example Should statements and must statements are not limited to how men think about themselves. They show up constantly in how people think about their relationships — and they can quietly undermine connection in ways that are hard to trace back to their source. A listener wrote in recently to discuss his uncertainty about whether he was ready to marry his girlfriend. Embedded in his question were layers of should statements — about what a man his age is supposed to want, about what it means if he is not certain, about how relationships are supposed to feel. The most important thing for him to examine was not the relationship itself, but whether his decision-making process was being driven by genuine clarity or by external pressure dressed up as internal conviction. **Related:** [How to reprogram your anxious mind](https://guycounseling.com/reprogram-your-anxious-brain/) This is one of the places where the should question becomes most important: Do I actually want this? Or do I believe I should want this? Those are not the same thing. And the difference matters enormously when the decision in front of you is a significant one. ## The Bottom Line on Musterbation Albert Ellis built an entire school of therapy around a simple and radical idea: most of our emotional suffering is not caused by the things that happen to us. It is caused by the rigid, non-negotiable demands we make about those things — the should statements, the must statements, the this-ought-to-be-different statements that we treat as universal laws rather than personal preferences. The good news is that demands can be softened. Preferences can replace absolutes. And rigid self-talk — whatever its source — can be examined, challenged, and gradually revised. It is not easy work. It is not fast work. But it is available to anyone willing to start asking the question Patrick eventually asked himself: According to who? You can want a great life without demanding it every second. You can hold yourself to a high standard without holding yourself hostage. And you can notice the musts and shoulds in your own thinking without letting them run the show. That is what stopping the musterbation actually looks like. ## Free Resource The ABC Model for REBT worksheet from Therapist Aid walks you through the process of identifying activating events, rigid beliefs, and emotional consequences in written form — the same structure used in clinical settings. It is free to download and print. **ABC Model for REBT Worksheet (Therapist Aid):** <https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/abc-model-for-rebt> **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** Albert Ellis, Anxiety, cognitive distortions, emotional wellness, men’s mental health, musterbation, negative self-talk, perfectionism, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, REBT, rigid thinking, self-criticism, Shame, should statements --- ### [What To Do When Your Girlfriend is Addicted To Social Media](https://guycounseling.com/social-media-girlfriend-addicted/) **Published:** August 11, 2026 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![girl social media](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/social-media.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## *What to do if your girlfriend is obsessed with social media* ## **His Question**: *Dear Jack,* *Let me start out by saying – my girlfriend is great. She’s smoking hot and she’s really down to earth and sweet…when she’s not glued to her damn phone.* *She’s got a solid following between Instagram and TikTok, and she’s constantly checking her numbers, replying to comments, and filming little clips for her Stories. She’s not an influencer or anything, she just really likes the attention.* *Sometimes, when we’re together I feel like she’s not even listening to me. That little buzz every time a notification comes in is starting to drive me crazy and put a real damper on our relationship. Is there a way I can get her to spend less time on social media and more time with me?* *Can you help me?* *-Insta-boyfriend* ## **The Answer** Hey there Insta-boyfriend, Let me see if I’ve got the gist of your dilemma. It sounds like your girlfriend’s got a nasty case of FOMO – fear of missing out. She just can’t seem to shake that nagging worry that something important is happening in her digital world, so she’s always checking her phone. She’s also getting a steady stream of attention from followers, and that can be quite intoxicating. Every like, comment, and view floods her brain with small hits of dopamine, and TikTok in particular is built to keep that feed going – it’s engineered around an endless scroll and a recommendation algorithm that’s frankly better at holding attention than almost anything else out there. Researchers who study social media have found that positive social feedback – likes, comments, that kind of validation – lights up the same reward circuitry in the brain as other genuinely pleasurable experiences. That’s not a character flaw on her part. That’s just how the apps are built. Have you read any of her DMs? Wait, don’t answer that. Don’t read her DMs. It’ll just make you feel worse. Guys can be total pervs on social media, and most girls just ignore the static anyway. So, you probably have nothing to worry about there. You just need her to spend more time with you and make you feel like the star player on the team, not just another notification competing with the thousands of followers she has online. Am I right? So, let’s find some solutions. First, let’s try to loosen her grip on that smartphone a bit. Most people interact with social media almost entirely through their phone, and that makes it way too easy for your girlfriend to pop in and out all day long to check her stats. You might be able to convince her to try a slight [digital detox](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-boundaries/). Ask her to turn off notifications for likes and comments, so she isn’t getting pulled back in every few minutes. Most phones now have built-in screen time tools that show exactly how many hours a day are going to each app – sometimes just seeing the number is enough to make someone want to cut back on their own. Another way to get her back in the game is to put both of your phones in another room during your “special” time. That way, nothing can get in the way of you getting more attention. Don’t cuddle in bed while she scrolls through her feed. That’s important time for your bonding. So, no phones in bed. I think you should avoid making too many hard and fast rules about the phone, though. She’s probably just going to roll her eyes and keep scrolling. You don’t want to alienate her. That’s the exact opposite of what you’re trying to achieve here. There’s a real phenomenon called “nomophobia” – the anxiety people feel when they’re separated from their phone. It’s a well-documented thing at this point, and it’s worth knowing about, but I won’t go deep into the research here. The point is, you don’t want to cause your girlfriend any unwanted stress by restricting her phone usage. Instead, lead by example. At least try that first before you break out the rule book. When you go out to eat, make a big show of putting your phone away completely – not face-down on the table, actually away. Encourage her to do the same. When it’s time to watch something together, toss your phone across the room in a dramatic display of indifference. If she’s smart, she’ll pick up on the subtle hints. I hate to break it to you though – even without her phone in hand, your girlfriend might still get that glazed look in her eyes as she thinks about what’s going on in her digital life. This could have real consequences for your relationship. If you don’t help her to truly live in the moment, she might even resent you for pulling her away from something that genuinely makes her feel good. **Related**: [My girlfriend cheated on me](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated-infidelity/) I know it can be hard to compete with that level of social interaction, but you need to give her more attention to reduce her FOMO. To do that, you’ve gotta cut back on the boring, traditional date nights. Avoid dates where you just sit across from each other in a restaurant, or sit idly watching a movie while you stuff your face with popcorn. That’s not gonna cut it anymore. You need to find activities that keep her focused on the moment at hand. I had a friend in a similar situation. His girlfriend ran a fairly popular fitness page, and she was pretty obsessive about keeping up with her followers. So, my buddy signed them both up for a painting class. They went twice a week to a studio in their neighborhood and they both really enjoyed it. You might consider trying something similar with your girlfriend. And here’s an important one: try not to belittle her social media presence. Her online life is genuinely important to her, and you’ll only make things worse if you start calling her posts a waste of time. Show her that you are MORE important. That’s the key to getting your Insta-girlfriend off her timeline and getting more facetime in the real world. You won’t get what you want from negativity. You’ll win with spontaneity and by showing up with real attention. I hope this helps you create a stronger bond with your girlfriend, and I’d love to hear how things turn out. Give me a shout when you get a chance. Thanks for sending in your question, too. I’m sure a lot of guys deal with this same issue and could use some tips. — Do you think you could use some help in the romance department? Got questions about relationships or dating? Then, email Ask Jack using the contact form. **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Addictions, Boundaries, Dating, Social Media --- ### [10 Reasons Why Men Get Morning Wood](https://guycounseling.com/men-morning-wood/) **Published:** August 9, 2026 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![men morning wood](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/morning-wood-image.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do You Get Morning Wood? Here’s Why Let’s just say it: you’ve woken up more than a few mornings tenting the sheets, wondering what your body was thinking. You’re not broken, and you’re not “extra horny.” Morning erections — the clinical term is *nocturnal penile tumescence*, or NPT if you want to sound smart at brunch — are actually one of the more reliable signs that things are working correctly under the hood. Most guys under 65 get them. Research suggests the average guy has around five erections a night without even knowing it, most happening while he’s deep asleep. The one you wake up with is just the last one still hanging around. So why does this happen? Turns out it’s not just “the need to pee,” even though that’s the explanation most guys default to. There’s a lot going on — hormonal, neurological, and mechanical — and it’s worth understanding, especially since a change in the pattern can sometimes be worth paying attention to. Here are 10 solid reasons your body does this every morning, whether you asked it to or not. If it’s easier to listen, you can learn about it on this podcast: ## 1. Your Testosterone Is Peaking Here’s one most guys don’t know: testosterone follows its own daily schedule, and it peaks in the early morning, typically between 7 and 10 AM. Levels can run 20 to 30 percent higher first thing than they do by late afternoon. That surge lines up almost perfectly with when you’re most likely to wake up with an erection. It’s also why doctors always want to draw blood for a testosterone test in the morning — test in the afternoon and you might get a falsely low reading that has nothing to do with an actual hormone problem. ## 2. Stimulation in the Sheets Your body doesn’t fully check out when you’re asleep. If your penis brushes against the sheets, a blanket, or another person during the night, that sensory input still gets processed and can trigger the hormonal chain reaction that leads to an erection. Guys who sleep without underwear tend to notice this more, simply because there’s less between skin and fabric to dull the signal. ## 3. Your Brain’s “Filter” Is Switched Off During the day, your brain is constantly regulating — and frankly suppressing — sexual arousal so you can function like a normal person in meetings and grocery stores. During REM sleep, that filter relaxes. The part of your brain responsible for sexual response runs more freely, and hormones like oxytocin, sometimes nicknamed the “bonding hormone,” flow more easily too. **Related:** [I have penis anxiety about my size](https://guycounseling.com/insecure-about-penis-size/) ## 4. It Might Be a Tune-Up Some urologists float a theory that nighttime erections function a bit like a maintenance routine for erectile tissue, keeping things oxygenated and in working order overnight, similar to the way a car engine benefits from occasionally being run. It’s a theory, not a proven fact, but it lines up with what we know about tissue health needing regular blood flow. ## 5. Erotic Dreams Sometimes it really is just what it looks like. Your brain has a hard time telling the difference between a real experience and a dream while you’re in REM sleep, which is part of why dreams can feel so vivid, sexual ones included. If you’ve ever woken up from a wet dream, this is the mechanism behind it. ## 6. Your Brain Chemistry Is Resetting Sleep is when your brain restocks neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine that get used up during a normal waking day. That overnight recalibration plays a role in morning erections too. It’s also part of why a rough night of sleep can leave you feeling foggy, irritable, and generally uninterested in anything, sex included. Give yourself 7 to 8 hours whenever you can; your body needs it for this stuff to work properly. ## 7. A Full Bladder Is Pressing on Your Spine This is the one everyone assumes is the whole story, and it’s not wrong, just incomplete. A full bladder puts pressure on nerves near the base of your spine, which can trigger what’s called a reflex erection, a mechanical response that doesn’t have anything to do with arousal. It’s also why it usually goes away pretty quickly once you actually get up and empty your bladder. ## 8. You Might Just Be a Morning Guy Your circadian rhythm, your internal body clock, doesn’t just control when you feel sleepy or alert. It also influences when you’re more likely to feel sexually responsive. Some guys run “hotter” earlier in the day; others are wired to be more active at night. Neither is better or worse, it’s just biology doing its own scheduling. ## 9. It’s Basically a Built-In Vascular Health Check This is one doctors actually use clinically. Because an erection requires healthy blood flow and functioning nerves, and because NPT happens involuntarily during sleep, meaning it’s not dependent on being turned on, stressed, or distracted, it’s one of the ways physicians differentiate between erectile dysfunction that’s physical (blood flow, nerve, or vascular related) versus primarily psychological (stress, anxiety, or relationship-related). If you’re consistently getting nighttime and morning erections but struggle during sex, that’s actually useful diagnostic information. **Related:** [Looksmaxing is ruining my life](https://guycounseling.com/looksmaxxing-feel-worse/) ## 10. Your Age and Sleep Architecture Play a Role The younger you are, the more REM cycles you tend to move through in a night, and each one is a chance for another erection episode. As men get older, sleep architecture shifts, REM sleep gets a bit shorter and less frequent, and testosterone’s daily peak flattens out. That’s a big part of why morning wood tends to show up less often as guys move into their 50s, 60s, and beyond. It’s a normal part of aging, not necessarily a red flag on its own. ## What If You’re Not Waking Up With It Anymore? A missing morning erection every now and then isn’t something to panic about. Stress, poor sleep, alcohol the night before, or just an off night can all play a role. But if it’s become a consistent pattern, it can be worth paying attention to, since it may connect to a few different things: - **Depression or anxiety:** Mental health has a direct line to physical arousal, and both can suppress this response. - **Chronic stress:** Ongoing stress keeps your body in a state that isn’t conducive to arousal, even while asleep. - **Hormonal imbalances:** Low testosterone is a common culprit worth ruling out with bloodwork. - **Blood pressure or blocked arteries:** Since an erection depends on blood flow, cardiovascular issues can show up here first. - **Certain medications:** Some antidepressants, blood pressure medications, and other prescriptions can interfere. - **Heavy alcohol or drug use:** Both can suppress the nervous system responses involved. - **Poor or inconsistent sleep:** Without enough REM sleep, there’s simply less opportunity for it to happen. The most reliable way to figure out what’s going on is a conversation with your doctor. Bloodwork and a physical exam can rule most physical causes in or out fairly quickly. If the physical side checks out clean, it’s worth considering whether stress, anxiety, or mood might be playing a bigger role than you’ve given them credit for. That’s not a knock on you, it’s just how connected your mind and body really are. So next time you wake up and your body’s already awake before you are, take it as a small, oddly reassuring sign that things are running the way they’re supposed to. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** male health, Morning Wood, Vitality --- ### [I'm Caught Up in Looksmaxxing and I Can't Get Out](https://guycounseling.com/looksmaxxing-feel-worse/) **Published:** July 15, 2026 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** **![Young man closely examining his face in a bathroom mirror while watching appearance-improvement content.](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/looksmaxxing-mirror-self-comparison.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## Caught in the Looksmaxxing Trap? > **Dear Jack,** > > About six months ago I started looksmaxxing. Skincare routine, gym consistency, better haircut, watched videos on posture and jawline stuff, even started tracking what I eat more carefully. I thought if I fixed enough of it, I’d finally feel confident. Instead I feel worse than when I started. I notice flaws I never used to think about. I compare myself to guys online constantly. I used to just not think about my face much — now I can’t stop. What happened? **— Worse Than Before** **The Answer** Dear Worse Than Before, Nothing happened to your face. Something happened to how you’re looking at it, and that’s a very different problem — and actually, a much more fixable one. I want to say up front: wanting to look better isn’t the issue here. Taking care of your skin, going to the gym, dressing well, getting a haircut that suits you — none of that is vanity or weakness. Most of it is just basic self-respect, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel good in your own body. The issue isn’t that you started improving things. It’s what happened underneath that effort, quietly, while you were focused on the mirror. ## What You Were Actually Trying to Fix Here’s my honest read, and tell me if I’m wrong: I don’t think this was ever really about your jawline. Most guys don’t wake up one day with a purely aesthetic curiosity about facial symmetry. Something usually precedes it — a breakup, a stretch of feeling invisible, a comparison that stung, a dry spell, a comment from someone that lodged itself somewhere it shouldn’t have. Looksmaxxing offers something incredibly appealing in that moment: a problem that feels *fixable*. Rejection is confusing and out of your control. A jawline routine has steps. Confidence feels abstract and impossible to manufacture. A skincare regimen has a shopping list. So the appeal isn’t really vanity. It’s control. When something in your life feels unresolved or out of reach, it’s a relief to find a version of the problem you can actually do something about — even if it’s the wrong problem. I’ve talked to a few guys who went down this exact road, and almost every one of them, once we got past the surface stuff, admitted the same thing: the timing lined up with something else going wrong, not with actually looking bad. ## The Trap Nobody Warns You About Here’s the part that explains why you feel worse, not better. Before you started, your face was just your face — background noise you didn’t examine much. The moment you started actively optimizing it, you also started actively *evaluating* it, constantly, against a standard you picked up from forums and videos designed to make you feel like there’s always another flaw underneath the one you just fixed. **Related:** [I’m Insecure About The Size of My Manhood. What Do I Do?](https://guycounseling.com/insecure-about-penis-size/) This is the trap: looksmaxxing content doesn’t have a finish line built into it. Fix your jawline, and suddenly your skin texture matters. Fix your skin, and suddenly it’s your hairline. Fix your hairline, and it’s your frame, your symmetry, your “canthal tilt” — something you’d never even heard of six months ago and now can’t stop noticing in the mirror. The goalposts don’t move because you’re failing. Much of the ecosystem survives by keeping you focused on the next flaw. You didn’t get worse looking. You got a new lens, and the lens is designed to always find something wrong. ## Comparison Is the Actual Engine A lot of this runs on comparison, and comparison is a genuinely rigged game. You’re comparing your real face — the one you see under bathroom lighting, at an angle you’re used to, at 7 AM — against a curated stream of the most symmetrical, best-lit, filtered, sometimes surgically altered faces the internet can produce. That’s not a fair fight, and no amount of routine consistency wins it, because the target was never real to begin with. I’d ask you honestly: before you started looking at this content, how often did you actually think about your jawline? Compare that to now. If the number went up dramatically, that’s not new information about your face. That’s the algorithm learning that appearance anxiety keeps your attention, and giving you more of whatever kept you looking. ## What “Attractive” Actually Means Here’s the thing looksmaxxing culture gets fundamentally wrong: the people you actually find magnetic in real life are almost never the ones with the most technically “optimized” features. Think about who people gravitate toward at a party, who does fine in dating without looking like a jawline-tutorial thumbnail. What draws people to them usually isn’t facial symmetry — it’s how they carry themselves, their humor, whether they’re actually present in a conversation, warmth that isn’t fragile. That’s not a consolation prize for guys who can’t compete on looks. Real attractiveness is holistic — face and body matter, but so do voice, energy, humor, presence, and how someone makes other people feel. Looksmaxxing culture convinces guys to pour everything into the one input that’s easiest to photograph, while ignoring almost everything that actually makes a person compelling to be around. ## When Self-Improvement Becomes Something Else There’s a real difference between improving yourself and monitoring yourself, and it’s worth being honest about which one you’re doing now. Improvement looks like: you work out because it feels good and you want to be healthy, you take care of your skin because it’s good practice, you dress well because you like how it feels to look put-together — and then you go about your day and mostly stop thinking about it. **Related:** [How to Be a More Confident Man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/?utm_source=chatgpt.com) What you’re describing sounds like something else: constant self-monitoring, a running inventory of flaws, comparison that doesn’t turn off, a mirror that used to be neutral and now feels like an interrogation. That shift — from “I want to feel good” to “I need to find what’s wrong” — is the actual problem, and no amount of further optimizing fixes it, because the target was never really your face. It was the anxiety underneath it, and the anxiety just keeps finding new places to land. ## A Few Questions Worth Sitting With - Did you feel this anxious about your appearance before you found this content, or did the anxiety show up alongside it? - When’s the last day you didn’t think about your face at all? Can you even remember one? - If you hit every goal on your list — perfect skin, ideal jaw, ideal frame — do you actually believe the anxiety stops, or does it just find a new target? - Are you avoiding photos, mirrors, or social situations because of how you think you look? - Has this taken time or mental energy away from things — relationships, hobbies, work — that used to matter to you? That last one matters more than it sounds like it should. If the honest answer is that this has quietly become the main thing your brain does in idle moments, that’s worth taking seriously — not with shame, just with clear eyes. ## Where This Can Go Too Far I want to be straight with you about something, because I’d be doing you a disservice not to. Some corners of looksmaxxing spaces don’t stop at skincare and gym consistency. They push toward extreme measures — things that carry real physical risk, chase permanent and often irreversible changes, or encourage guys to fixate on differences so minor that no one else would ever notice them. If you find yourself being pulled toward anything that sounds drastic, irreversible, or physically risky, that’s a signal to step back, not lean in. A routine that improves your life shouldn’t require gambling with your health to chase a standard that was manufactured by an algorithm in the first place. And if what you’re describing — the constant checking, the inability to stop noticing flaws, the distress that feels bigger than what’s actually visible to anyone else — sounds like it’s taken over more than you’re comfortable with, that’s worth naming clearly: when appearance concerns begin consuming hours, interfering with social life, or driving repeated checking and avoidance, the issue may be bigger than ordinary insecurity. That’s a conversation worth having with an actual professional, not another forum thread. There’s no weakness in that. Plenty of guys who’ve gone down this road have found that talking to someone helped in a way that no new skincare product ever did. ## What Actually Moves the Needle If you want to feel genuinely better, three things matter more than any routine on a forum: Step away from the content that’s feeding the comparison, at least long enough to see if the anxiety was really about your face or about the feed. Keep the grooming and fitness habits that genuinely improve your life — just untether them from the checklist mentality. And put real energy back into the things that build confidence through experience, not inspection: friendships, skills, hobbies, situations where you’re present instead of self-monitoring. None of that comes with a before-and-after photo. But it’s what actually changes how you feel walking into a room. ## Frequently Asked Questions **Why do I feel worse after looksmaxxing?** Looksmaxxing routines and content shift you from occasionally noticing your appearance to constantly evaluating it against a curated, often filtered standard. That shift in attention — not any actual change in how you look — is usually what drives the increased anxiety and self-criticism. **Is looksmaxxing bad for your mental health?** It can be, depending on how it’s approached. Basic grooming, fitness, and skincare are healthy habits. But when appearance monitoring becomes constant, comparison-driven, or tied to self-worth, it can fuel anxiety, low self-esteem, and in some cases patterns similar to body dysmorphia. **How do I know if I’m obsessed with looksmaxxing?** Warning signs include constantly checking mirrors or photos, comparing yourself to others throughout the day, avoiding social situations over appearance concerns, and noticing that appearance-related thoughts are taking up time and mental energy that used to go elsewhere. **Can looksmaxxing cause body dysmorphia?** Looksmaxxing itself doesn’t cause body dysmorphic disorder, but the constant comparison and flaw-focused content common in these spaces can intensify existing appearance anxiety. If checking, avoidance, or distress feels disproportionate to what others actually notice, it’s worth speaking with a mental health professional. **How do I stop looksmaxxing anxiety?** Reducing exposure to comparison-heavy content, keeping healthy habits without tying them to a constant checklist, and rebuilding confidence through relationships, skills, and experiences — rather than appearance alone — are the most effective long-term approaches. ## The Bottom Line You didn’t fail at looksmaxxing. Looksmaxxing, as an ecosystem, is built to make sure you never feel finished — because a guy who feels finished stops watching, stops buying, stops scrolling. You went looking for confidence and found a mirror that’s been trained to always find something wrong. That’s not a personal shortcoming. That’s the product working exactly as designed. The version of you that feels genuinely better isn’t the one with the most optimized jaw. It’s the one who stopped outsourcing his sense of worth to a feed built to never let him feel like enough. **— Jack** **Categories:** Ask Jack, Mind **Tags:** Ask Jack, Confidence, Looksmaxxing, male body image, Self-Esteem, Social Comparison --- ### [Chris Hemsworth 25 Best Haircuts With Beard](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) **Published:** August 4, 2026 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-3-678x381.png?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Chris Hemsworth Best Haircuts](#Chris_Hemsworth_Best_Haircuts) - [Chris Hemsworth Hair and Beard](#Chris_Hemsworth_Hair_and_Beard) - [Guy File: Chris Hemsworth](#Guy_File_Chris_Hemsworth) - [Chris Hemsworth Hair Styles](#Chris_Hemsworth_Hair_Styles) - [Barber Instructions](#Barber_Instructions) - [Chris Hemsworth Hair Coloring](#Chris_Hemsworth_Hair_Coloring) - [Chris Hemsworth Beard](#Chris_Hemsworth_Beard) - [Beard Coloring for Chris Hemsworth](#Beard_Coloring_for_Chris_Hemsworth) - [25 Best Chris Hemsworth Haircuts 2022](#25_Best_Chris_Hemsworth_Haircuts_2022) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## Chris Hemsworth Best Haircuts Looking to style your hair like Chris Hemsworth? Hoping to shape your beard in the same way as Thor? Trying to vibe the haircut he has in movies? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I’ve posted **25 of the best Chris Hemsworth haircuts** on this page, plus insights on his beard! There’s even a poll on his hair style at the end of this post. I’m a huge fan of Chris Hemsworth. I’ve been watching his films ever since his first movie – way back in 2002 in the flick, *Star Trek* (rebooted). You remember that one, right? It was the film starring Chris Pine in his debut of Captain Kirk. Hemsworth played the role of Kirk’s father, George Kirk. Since that time, the Australian born actor has become a megawatt celebrity. His most notable role has been *Thor*; a series inspired by Stan Lee in Marvel’s Cinematic Universe. Women are interested in him because of his body. Guys follow him because they want to know about his workout plan (see this post on building muscular strength to learn more.) ## Chris Hemsworth Hair and Beard Additionally, men also want to replicate his hair and style in ways that are similar to how he looks in the Thor films. Given interest in this specific topic, I thought it might be cool to put together a post that helps readers achieve this result. Let’s start out with some basic background information on this actor and then move on to the reason you came here; to learn about styling yourself like Chris. FYI: Video below is of his workout for Thor – but it gives you a good idea of his beard and hair style. ## Guy File: Chris Hemsworth August 11, 1983, Melbourne, Australia Height: 6’3 Eye Color: [Deep crystal blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) Body Type: Not your usual ectomorph Zodiac sign: [A Leo man](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) Shoe size: 12 inches wide ![Chris Hemsworth Thor interview](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth television interview To begin with, it’s important to understand that the Australian born actor historically has sported a longer hairstyle. It’s only been recently that he’s started to go shorter. Given the reaction by fans, followers really seem to dig it. So, the question becomes**:** **how to style my hair like Chris Hemsworth**? The answer to that question is easy – perhaps too easy. ## Chris Hemsworth Hair Styles In studying the guy’s haircut, it looks like he has a barber use a set of clippers on the side, starting with a half guard at the nape going up two-inches past the top of the ears. The barber then likely changes to a number one setting and goes the rest of the way up. It’s possible a switch is made to a number two blade towards the top (although I doubt it). For the top of his head (crown), it looks like it’s style with a classic crop cut. In other words, the length is shorter at the back and may get longer towards the front. But the overriding feature is a “box cut” meaning the hairstyle itself frames the actor’s face. Honestly guys, it’s probably one of the easiest types of haircuts to get. When you talk to your barber, just tell the person you want: ![Chris Hemsworth style: hair and beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-hemsworth-style.jpg?resize=593%2C876&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth style: hair and beard. Credit: Deposit Photos ## Barber Instructions 1\. a fade on the sides going short at the bottom and longer going up. 2\. a crop cut on the top with a little extra length in the front One thing about Chris’s hair is that he partially combs it to the side. Part of the reason is that his hair is naturally wavy. While I can’t be sure, I have a feeling it’s cut at an angle to give him texture. Additionally, Chris appears to have a full head of hair. This is being mentioned because it affords the actor many styling options. But what if you are a man that is losing hair or thinning at the top? Can you still style it like Thor? The answer is yes but it will require that your barber know how to blend and texturize without chopping everything off. As an aside, notice that I have used the term **barber** in this post. There’s a reason for this. Barbers are specifically trained on how to use clippers and style men’s hair. This isn’t to say stylists don’t know how to do this. **Many absolutely do**. But barbers are trained in old-world ways with a history that dates to the time of the ancient Greeks and Romans, circa 296 BC (Moler, 1928). Translation: Barbers are professionally trained in the art of men’s hair styling. ![Chris Hemsworth at premier of Thor Ragnarok](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth at premier of Thor Ragnarok ## Chris Hemsworth Hair Coloring A question many people wonder about is Chris Hemsworth hair coloring. In looking at the pictures, it’s unlikely he uses any permanent type of dye. His beard is another issue, which we’ll get to in a bit. That said, it is very possible Hemsworth uses a camouflage product that gives him different tones. If you look closely, it’s dark blonde in some places and lighter in others. Does that mean he uses highlights? That’s doubtful. If I had to guess, he likely rinses his hair with a product like John Frieda’s color glaze for blondes ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3Bw1RWr)). What’s cool about the glaze is that it doesn’t deposit permanent color. Instead, it simply brings out the natural colors of what you’ve already got, infusing tones where they organically appear. You only need to use something like the glaze two or three times a week. Simply apply after conditioning and rinse out. Pretty simple, huh? Well, that’s it. Everything mentioned above is likely how Chris styles his hair – short and cropped. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BXDcU-VBGy6/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Chris Hemsworth Beard A lot of guys really dig how Chris’s beard looks and want to adopt something similar for themselves. Doing so isn’t all that hard but will require planning. In looking at his photographs, it appears the actor lets his facial hair grow out for a good 5-7 days. This allows any patchy areas to fill in. Additionally, he’s able to trim his beard optimally. At its core, he wears a [standard short beard style](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/). Obviously, I can’t be totally sure but I suspect he trims it in the following ways with a facial hair tool. 1\. At the top of his sideburns, he likely sets the guard to either a 3 or 3.5. Using downward strokes, he goes down halfway to the top of the jaw. 2\. He then (likely) sets the trimmer to level 4 and slightly blends and shapes, allowing for longer hair along the chin and jaw; taking on the appearance of a near-goatee. To keep it real, I have no earthly idea the brand of trimmer he uses. But if I had to guess, I’d lay odds its likely something like Panasonic’s All-In-One Milano ([See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2Fqf7k3)). It’s rechargeable and allows for freedom of movement because the user isn’t tethered to a chord. I personally use this tool and have been very pleased. At any rate, once he has his beard styled, it’s just a matter of maintenance. If he trims and shapes more than two times a week, I’d be surprised. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BLW7Kf2AnCN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Beard Coloring for Chris Hemsworth When you look at Chris’s beard, it’s a cross between a dark blonde or medium brown. It just depends on the lighting. But what’s it’s not is light; a belief that many people think is true because of the hair on his head. So, how does he achieve such even coloring? Is it natural or does he use a product? If you ask me, I believe he’s applying something like *Just for Men* beard coloring. At the time of this post, Chris is in his thirties; a time in life when grey hair increasingly begins to creep into whiskers. That’s why I think he’s using something like M-30; a Just for Men coloring designed for guys who want a light to medium brown look ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2FpShZD)). At this point, I don’t think he dyes it more than once a week. Maybe twice if he’s filming a movie or has some type of event. As he gets older, this will likely change if he wants to keep his look consistent. ## 25 Best Chris Hemsworth Haircuts 2022 Below you will find 25 best haircuts for Chris Hemsworth. We’ve combed through dozens of photographs to curate the actor’s top cuts in short, medium and long styles. Which is your favorite? ![Chris Hemsworth medium cut](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-Hemsworth-1.jpg?resize=568%2C875&ssl=1)**1/25** Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky – Photo credit Deposit photos![Chris 2 ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-2-medium.jpg?resize=579%2C878&ssl=1)**2/25** Chris Hemsworth premiere of ‘Blackhat’. Photo Credit Deposit Photos![Chris Hemsworth long hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-H-3.jpg?resize=581%2C878&ssl=1)**3/25** Longer hair on young Chris![Chris Hemsworth longer hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-4.jpg?resize=805%2C530&ssl=1)**4/25** Chris at the Los Angeles premiere of ‘Thor’ 2011. Credit: Deposit photos![Chris H boyish hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-5-of-5.jpg?resize=562%2C850&ssl=1)**5/25** Chris at TAG Heuer in Shanghai, China, 19 April 2019. Credit: Deposit Photos![Chris H](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-H-6.jpg?resize=616%2C924&ssl=1)**6/25** Chris at Golden Globes 2018 shorter hair. Credit: Deposit Photos![Chris short hair beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-7.jpg?resize=552%2C833&ssl=1)**7/25** Chris at “The Huntsman Winter’s War”. Credit: Deposit photos![Chris H 9](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-8.jpg?resize=761%2C541&ssl=1)**8/25** Chris medium hair. Photo credit – Deposit photos![chris h](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-9.jpg?resize=729%2C486&ssl=1)**9/25** Chris Hemsworth side profile![chris hemsworth tie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-10.jpg?resize=614%2C921&ssl=1)**10/25** Chris in a suite![Chris with tie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-H.jpg?resize=525%2C808&ssl=1)**11/25** Chris with tie and beard![chris longer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-H-2.jpg?resize=562%2C829&ssl=1)**12/25** with long locks![chris cropped jair ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-12.jpg?resize=508%2C755&ssl=1)**13/25** Chris with cropped hair. Credit: Deposit photos![chris grey suite](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/14-14.jpg?resize=643%2C886&ssl=1)**14/14** Chris medium hair – Credit: Deposit photos![chris younger](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-15.jpg?resize=561%2C841&ssl=1)**15/25** Chris with shorter hair and some facial hair![chris with tat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-16.jpg?resize=606%2C858&ssl=1)**16/25** Chris with short hair and beard plus wrist tats. Credit: Deposit photos![chris hemsworth top view hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-17.jpg?resize=801%2C534&ssl=1)**17/25** Chris Hemsworth top of hair with beard. Credit: Deposit photos![chris hemsworth long hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-18.jpg?resize=667%2C1000&ssl=1)**18/25** Chris with long hair. Credit: Deposit photos![chris hemsworth long hair bike](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-19.jpg?resize=605%2C850&ssl=1)**19/19** Chris Hemsworth with longer hair behind bike. Credit. Deposit photos![chris hemsworth medium hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-20.jpg?resize=667%2C1000&ssl=1)**20/25** Medium hair Chris. Credit – Deposit photos![chris hemsworth handsome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-medium-hair.jpg?resize=619%2C924&ssl=1)**21/25** Chris with medium hair and facial hair. Credit: Deposit photos![chris medium slicked back hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-22.jpg?resize=490%2C735&ssl=1)**22/25** Chris Hemsworth slicked back medium hair. Credit: Deposit photos![chris hemsworth medium slick hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-23.jpg?resize=481%2C721&ssl=1)**23/25** Chris Hemsworth facial hair and medium hair. Credit: Deposit photos![chris hemsworth sunglasses](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-24.jpg?resize=544%2C816&ssl=1)**24/25** Chris Hemsworth medium hair with sunglasses and boots![chris hemsworth wavy hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-hemsworth-wavy-hair.jpg?resize=557%2C835&ssl=1)25/25 Chris Hemsworth with wavy hair. Credit: Deposit photos ## Bringing It All Together The man who plays Thor styles his hair and beard in a very basic, straight forward way. It’s a fade on the side of his head and a crop at the top. His beard is short but longer towards the jaw and mouth area. This is an easy look to achieve for most men, regardless of age. Upkeep is easy, except for regularly needing to get the sides faded. Much depends on how fast your hair grows. \[poll id=”15″\] I hope you found this guide useful. Thanks for stopping by. References: Moler, A.B. “The barbers’ manual.” Internet Archive: Digital Library of Free Books, Movies, Music & Wayback Machine. The National Education Council of the Associated Master Barbers of America, 1 January 1928. Web. 19 March 2012. https://archive.org/stream/barbersmanual00mole#page/n29/mode/2up — Related: [Get the look of Chris Evans](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-style-guide/) [Style like Nick Jonas](https://guycounseling.com/nick-jonas-style/) [Best leather wallets  for men](https://guycounseling.com/leather-wallet-choices-men/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Files, Men's Style **Tags:** Barber, Beard, Chris Hemsworth, Men's haircuts, Style, Thor --- ### [10 Best Exfoliating Face Scrubs for Men For Amazing Skin](https://guycounseling.com/best-exfoliating-face-scrubs-men/) **Published:** August 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![best exfoliating face scrubs for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Copy-of-10-best-face-scrubs-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Face scrubs for men revealed Table of Contents Toggle - [Do you exfoliate with a scrub twice a week?](#Do_you_exfoliate_with_a_scrub_twice_a_week) - [Best Men’s Exfoliating Scrubs](#Best_Mens_Exfoliating_Scrubs) - [Why Do I Need an Exfoliator?](#Why_Do_I_Need_an_Exfoliator) - [What is my skin type?](#What_is_my_skin_type) - [1. Normal](#1_Normal) - [2. Combo Type](#2_Combo_Type) - [3. Dry Skin](#3_Dry_Skin) - [4. Oily Skin](#4_Oily_Skin) - [5. Sensitive Skin](#5_Sensitive_Skin) - [Top Men’s Face Scrubs](#Top_Mens_Face_Scrubs) - [1. Brickell Men’s Renewing Face (Normal, Oily, Combo)](#1_Brickell_Mens_Renewing_Face_Normal_Oily_Combo) - [2. Thrive Energy Scrub (Oily or combo)](#2_Thrive_Energy_Scrub_Oily_or_combo) - [3. Gentlemen’s Facial Scrub (Combo Skin)](#3_Gentlemens_Facial_Scrub_Combo_Skin) - [4. Derma-Nu Exfoliating Scrub (All Skin Types)](#4_Derma-Nu_Exfoliating_Scrub_All_Skin_Types) - [5. Tiege Skin Care System (All Skin Types)](#5_Tiege_Skin_Care_System_All_Skin_Types) - [6. Jack Black Energizing Scrub (Sensitive and Combo)](#6_Jack_Black_Energizing_Scrub_Sensitive_and_Combo) - [7. Elemis Face Exfoliator (Dry or Combo Types)](#7_Elemis_Face_Exfoliator_Dry_or_Combo_Types) - [8. Viking Revolution Face Scrub (Dry or Combo Types)](#8_Viking_Revolution_Face_Scrub_Dry_or_Combo_Types) - [9. Body Shop Vitamin C Scrub (Sensitive to Dry Skin Types)](#9_Body_Shop_Vitamin_C_Scrub_Sensitive_to_Dry_Skin_Types) - [10. Anthony Face Scrub (All Skin Types)](#10_Anthony_Face_Scrub_All_Skin_Types) - [When Should I Use a Scrub?](#When_Should_I_Use_a_Scrub) - [Normal Skin](#Normal_Skin) - [Combo Skin](#Combo_Skin) - [Dry Skin](#Dry_Skin) - [Oily Skin](#Oily_Skin) - [Sensitive Skin](#Sensitive_Skin) - [Additional thoughts on frequency](#Additional_thoughts_on_frequency) - [Importance of Moisturizer](#Importance_of_Moisturizer) - [Should I use a Face Mask?](#Should_I_use_a_Face_Mask) - [Men’s Face Scrub Myths](#Mens_Face_Scrub_Myths) - [Exfoliator Poll for Men](#Exfoliator_Poll_for_Men) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## Do you exfoliate with a scrub twice a week? Looking for the **best exfoliating face scrubs for men**? Trying to pick a product that works for your skin type? Hoping to find something that removes debris while giving your complexion a youthful glow? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. As a man who works with other guys around personal image building, I completely understand why finding the right scrub is really important. Let’s face it. Your face is the first thing people notice. And for better or for worse, it also can make or break a first impression. The problem is so much of what appears on the web regarding men’s exfoliators is designed to sell you crap without factoring in skin type. Moreover, some of what has been written is just completely wrong. And so that is what this post is all about – men’s exfoliating scrubs and making smart choices. I’ll start off with a list of top 10 picks based on feedback from guys. Afterward, I’ll give you several reasons why you need to use a scrub. At the end of this article, I’ll also talk about scrubs and dispel common myths. You’ll even find a poll. Finally, I’ll talk about exfoliators as part of a [simple men’s care routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). Let’s look at the best face scrubs first. ## Best Men’s Exfoliating Scrubs 1\. Brickell Men’s Renewing Face 2\. Thrive Natural Face Scrub 3\. The Gentleman’s Face Scrub from Beau Brummell for Men 4\. Derma-nu Miracle Skin Remedies Face Scrub 5\. Tiege Skin Care System 6\. Jack Black Energizing Face Scrub 7\. Elemis Face Exfoliator 8\. Viking Revolution Face Scrub 9\. Body Shop Vitamin C Scrub 10\. Anthony Face Scrub ![best mens face scrubs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/attractive-man-washing-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do you need to use a scrub? ## Why Do I Need an Exfoliator? A lot of guys wonder why they need to use a face scrub. Is it really necessary to exfoliate on a weekly basis? The answer on both counts is a resounding – **yes**. It’s important to recognize that your skin has several different layers. The top layer (the one you see in the mirror) is called the **epidermis**. Under this primary layer is the **dermis;** a place where connective tissue resides, along with your sweat glands and hair follicles. Each day, your epidermis accumulates dirt and debris. This gets mixed in with oil, which is excreted from the sebaceous glands. Translation: When it all gets combined, it can cause clogged pores. Using an exfoliator helps to remove this oil and dirt mixture while preventing pore blockage. Additionally, scrubs dislodge harmful material that can take away from your skin’s glow. But I’ll give you another powerful reason you need to use a scrub. **Anti-aging**. Yep, that’s right. By using the right scrub, you can take years off your appearance. Here’s why: In your twenties, your skin generates new cells at a fairly fast clip. But once you get into your thirties, that process slows down. The result is dead skin cells that accumulate and rest atop the epidermis. In turn, this gives your mug a dull, bland appearance. By exfoliating, you remove those dead skin cells and stimulate [mitosis](https://www.britannica.com/science/mitosis). In addition, you also encourage the production of collagen; a gel-like substance that gives your face a plump, youthful appearance. Joshua Zeichner MD, a New York-based dermatologist, said the following about the use of scrubs: \[exfoliation is\] “the process of removing dead cells from the surface of the skin. As dead cells accumulate, they interfere with light reflection, giving a dull appearance. Exfoliating can help improve skin radiance and even skin tone” (Today Show). As you can see, using a scrub really is important. The question becomes which exfoliator works best for your skin type? Yep, it is critical to know the answer to this question before buying a product. ## ![mens skin care type of skin and masks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mens-skin-types-1.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1)What is my skin type? Whenever you hear “skin type” when it comes to men’s personal products, realize this is a generic term that is interchangeably used for scrubs, masks, lotions, and creams. A lot of these products are labeled with your dermis in mind. Typically, these include normal, dry and oily. This is why it is critical to know your own skin type because you want to pick the right product for your needs. ### 1. Normal People with normal skin typically have: - Minor imperfections - Not all that sensitive - Pores that aren’t generally visible - A radiant skin tone ### 2. Combo Type Some guy have skin types that have a combination of features. These include: - A mix of dry and oily areas - Some black or whiteheads - Easy to see shine - Scattered dryness - Noticeable uneven skin tone ### 3. Dry Skin When you have dry skin, you will know it because the features are obvious. Here’s what you will see: Redness with patchy areas - Sometimes scaly - Areas of roughness - Some visible lines - A dull-like complexion - Invisible pores ### 4. Oily Skin When you have oily skin, it’s super obvious. Genetics, the environment, and daily stress can all contribute to this problem. Some guys even end up [getting stress pimples](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/). Here’s what you will notice: - Large pores - Thick looking skin - Zits of different sizes - Small and large blackheads, whiteheads and patches of acne ### 5. Sensitive Skin If you have sensitive skin, you’ll know it based on the following characteristics: - Patches of redness - Inflammation - Areas that itch - Dry spots Now that you have a basic overview of your skin issues, let’s move on to exploring the 10 best exfoliating scrubs for men. Next to each product, I’ve included skin types. FYI: Everything listed below is linked to Amazon. ## Top Men’s Face Scrubs [![brickell face scrib](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/brickell.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/2xkhEp3) ## 1. Brickell Men’s Renewing Face (Normal, Oily, Combo) Excellent choice for guys struggling with different skin types, particularly oily. Uses natural ingredients to remove dead skin cells and other debris. If you are prone to blackheads or notice that your face gets shiny, you may want to consider this product. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2xkhEp3) [![trhive men's scrub](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/therea-scrub.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/2xnAc7U) ## 2. Thrive Energy Scrub (Oily or combo) If you are looking for something that is made from natural substances and does a terrific job of sloughing off dead skin, you might like Thrive’s product. Uses Arabica coffee grounds infused with caffeine to cleans and energize. One of my favorites because it also contains anti-oxidants. Finally, an excellent choice for vegans or environmentally aware men. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2xnAc7U) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/gentlemans-2.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/2OphGTP) ## 3. Gentlemen’s Facial Scrub (Combo Skin) This exfoliator uses natural ingredients plus caffeine to dive deep into pores and get the crud out. Pulverized walnut shells and bamboo help dissolve debris, leaving your face looking cleaner, smoother, and younger. See Amazon for price ![derma nu face scrub for guys](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/derma-nu.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1) ## 4. Derma-Nu Exfoliating Scrub (All Skin Types) Need something that is gentle and effective? Want a scrub that is good for all skin types? If so, this may be exactly what you are looking for. Uses natural Pumice & Jojoba Beads to gently exfoliate to remove dry skin and unclog pores. Leaves your face feeling and looking healthier. Great for giving you a more youthful glow. Encourages collagen growth. Click to see Amazon’s price ![tiege skin care face scrub](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/tiege-1.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1) ## 5. Tiege Skin Care System (All Skin Types) I can [personally attest](https://guycounseling.com/tiege-hanley-review/) to the many benefits of this product. Sold as a kit, you get an all in one cleanser, scrub, and moisturizer. Made from natural ingredients. Super easy to use. Eliminates the need for multiple products in the medicine cabinet. Leaves your skin feeling and looking amazing. [Visit Tiege directly for best deal](https://amzn.to/4xoOTnu) [![jack black energizing face scrub for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/jack-black.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/2paMYD2) ## 6. Jack Black Energizing Scrub (Sensitive and Combo) If your face is sensitive or you have a combo type, you might find this to be a good choice for your exfoliating needs. Removes dead skin cells and debris nicely. Won’t scratch your face. Many guys use this as a pre-shave product. Available in some stores or online. [Look at Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2paMYD2) ![elemis scrub](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/elemis.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1) ## 7. Elemis Face Exfoliator (Dry or Combo Types) Need a product that energizes your skin while removing debris? Hoping to find something that smooths your face’s appearance while giving you a healthy glow? If the answer is yes, you may find exactly what you need with this guy. Use on neck and face for best results. [Check out Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3Sdnupu) [![viking face scrub for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/viking.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/2xjumEd) ## 8. Viking Revolution Face Scrub (Dry or Combo Types) The great thing about this product is how it exfoliates and removes debris while also moisturizing. If you struggle with ingrown hairs, you may want to try this as a pre-shave scrub. Leaves your face looking smoother and cleaner. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2xjumEd) [![body shop vitamin c scrub](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/body-shop-vitamin-c.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/3QF7Zjn) ## 9. Body Shop Vitamin C Scrub (Sensitive to Dry Skin Types) Believe it or not, you can use this exfoliator on a daily basis. That’s because it goes on and comes off gentle. Lots of vitamin C, which helps to push back against harmful free-radicals. Does a great job giving your face a clean, polished look. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3QF7Zjn) [![anthony logistics face scrub for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Copy-of-body-shop-vitamin-c.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/2xjCTqQ%20) ## 10. Anthony Face Scrub (All Skin Types) This is a very good product for all skin types. Uses Bora bora white sand to remove dead skin cells. Infused with aloe vera, algae and chamomile to soothe and refresh the skin. Vitamin C has been added to protect. [Look at Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2xjCTqQ) ![how often should men use a face scrub?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-main-photo.jpg?resize=587%2C368&ssl=1)Face scrubs for men and frequency ## When Should I Use a Scrub? Now that you have chosen an exfoliator, you are probably wondering how often it should be used. The simple answer to that question is: *It depends*. There’s no hard and fast rule but generally speaking, here are some routines to consider: ### Normal Skin - Once a week - Twice a week during hot, humid weather ### Combo Skin - Twice a week - More often if the weather is hot and humid ### Dry Skin - Once a week - Twice a week when exfoliator has a moisturizer included ### Oily Skin - Three times a week - Up to 5 times a week, depending on lifestyle factors ### Sensitive Skin - Once a week - Maybe twice a week, depending on weather ## Additional thoughts on frequency The reason I mentioned there not being any hard or fast rules is that each of us responds to skincare products differently. It will take time for you to figure out how the scrub works on your face. Some men find they only need to use an exfoliator bi-weekly. Others use every other day because of lifestyle factors. Example: If you work outdoors, play sports or live in a hot climate, frequent exfoliation may be necessary. ![face scrubs for men and moisturizers ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-applying-moisturizer-to-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Moisturizing is important ## Importance of Moisturizer There’s just no way I could write this piece without mentioning the importance of using a face moisturizer after the scrub. A lot of guys forget this step and they shouldn’t. Here’s the deal. When you use any type of exfoliator, you are stripping the top level of your skin of dirt and grime. But you are also dissolving dead cells and other material. Translation: Your skin is going to be somewhat dry afterward. For this reason, you’ll want to apply a face cream. Check out this page and learn about the [best face moisturizing lotions for men](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/). ## Should I use a Face Mask? Some men want to know if they should include a clay face mask as part of their skin care routine. Speaking only for myself, I can tell you they can make a big difference with your appearance. Men’s clay, mud, and sheet masks are designed to tighten pores and encourage collagen growth. They also help to promote that youthful glow I mentioned earlier. [Learn all about the best face masks for men in this post](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/). ![mens face scrub myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Testimonials.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Myths about men and face scrubs ## Men’s Face Scrub Myths Just for fun, I am going to address a number of myths that are floating around about exfoliators and men’s skin. Perhaps you have heard of these? - Scrubs rob your skin of nutrients (not true) - Guys don’t need exfoliators (not true) - A woman’s scrub works just as well as men’s (untrue) - You don’t need to wash your face if using a scrub (untrue) - Exfoliators cause acne (nope, not true) ## Exfoliator Poll for Men Because I recognize there are a lot of guys interested in this topic, I’m publishing an anonymous poll below. How often do you exfoliate? ## Bringing It All Together The choice to use a men’s exfoliating scrub is a smart one. Not only do they keep your face looking handsome and fresh, they also can help you to look younger. If you have problematic skin, it never hurts to make an appointment with a dermatologist. Hopefully, you have found the skin care hacks shared on this page useful. Thanks for visiting! **RELATED READING:** [Best body washes and shower gels for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) [The best smelling men’s colognes on the market](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Creams, Exfoliation, Face Scrubs, Masks, men's skin, men's skin care --- ### [5 Facial Care Products for Better Skin Every Man Should Have!](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/) **Published:** August 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![facial care for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/facial-care-for-men.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Facial Care for Men Guide](#Facial_Care_for_Men_Guide) - [Facial Care for Men and Skin](#Facial_Care_for_Men_and_Skin) - [1. Men’s Face Cleanser](#1_Mens_Face_Cleanser) - [2. Men’s Facial Moisturizer](#2_Mens_Facial_Moisturizer) - [3. Men’s Facial Scrub](#3_Mens_Facial_Scrub) - [4. Men’s Eye Cream](#4_Mens_Eye_Cream) - [5. Men’s Facial Mask](#5_Mens_Facial_Mask) - [Bonus Tip: Face Care Kits for Guys](#Bonus_Tip_Face_Care_Kits_for_Guys) - [Facial Care for Men Bottom Line](#Facial_Care_for_Men_Bottom_Line) ## **Facial Care for Men Guide** If you are looking for information on [facial care for men](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1473-2165.2008.00354.x/full), you’ve come to the right place. According to research, most guys don’t spend a lot of time worrying about their face. In fact, a recent study conducted by consumer market research company NDP Group revealed that only a quarter of men actually take the time to use skin care products on a regular basis. Based on the study’s findings, it appears that most guys just splash water on their faces, shave, and that’s it. **Related:** [Anti-Aging products for men to reduce wrinkles and lines ](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) However, men should really think twice about adopting a consistent skin care regimen, especially if they are in their twenties or thirties. Proper and regular skin care not only improves and preserves your appearance, but it can also delay a plethora of skin-related conditions that happen due to aging, pollution, stress and prolonged exposure to the sun. **Specifically, I’m talking about conditions like:** - Premature facial wrinkles - Blotchiness - Dryness and chaffing - Dark spots, freckles and moles - Deep lines, particularly around the forehead and nasolabial fold - Dark circles and bags under the eyes ## **Facial Care for Men and Skin** Many guys are not aware of this but our skin is different than women. The research tells us that on average, a man’s skin is roughly 25% thicker than our female counterparts. In addition, the texture of man’s face is rougher. **Related:** [How to get rid of baggy eyes and dark circles for men](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) Men also tend to have oiler skin. That’s because the production of Sebum (oil) occurs in greater amounts than females. And so if you are have ever wondered why you get acne well into your 30’s and 40’s, you now have the answer. If you are serious about men’s skincare, I’m going to walk you through five basic products every man should have in his medicine cabinet. Most of these face care items can be ordered online or purchased at your local drug store. I’ve tried to include only the very best ones to save you time and money. Let’s jump right in! ![facial care for men products ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=469%2C297&ssl=1)Facial Care for Men Product Tips ## **1. Men’s Face Cleanser** If you are using a bar of soap to wash your face, you need to stop doing that right now. That’s because soaps in general cause havoc to your dermis by creating a dry wasteland. In order to cope, your skin will start to **create lines and wrinkles** – not to mention unsightly cracks. Instead of using a soap, most dermatologists agree that it is much better to use a cleanser. So what’s the difference between the two? Well, generally speaking cleansers help to remove debris from the pores without using harsh chemical agents. Additionally, cleansers tend to be mild and lock in moisture. **Related:** [Gifts for Guys: Practical gift ideas for men](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) You might read something different elsewhere but according to most all of the research I’ve reviewed, the best type of facial cleansers are the ones that contain glycolic acid. That’s because glycolic acid helps to dissolve and wash away dead skin cells without stripping the upper dermal layer of important oils and nutrients. ![best mens face scrubs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/attractive-man-washing-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)An excellent product to consider is Jack Black’s [Deep Glycolic Cleanser](http://amzn.to/2dSS4yg). I like it because it’s alcohol free. Believe it or not, any alcohol placed on your face has a stripping effect. That’s exactly the opposite of what you want. Instead, the idea is to cleanse without drying your face out. The other product I recommend is CeraVe’s Foaming Cleanser ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/4w96uP9)). This one is “soap-free” and is designed to offer gentle cleansing without drying your face out and making you look like some type of monster. Tips for Washing One of the worst things you can do is over wash your face. But many men unknowingly do this because they read the directions off the back of a product bottle. It’s like this. If don’t want a face full of wrinkles, don’t wash more than two times a day. In fact, I would recommend using the CeraVe’ cleanser in the morning and then again at night. Unless you have super oily skin, I’d use the Jack Black product 3-4 times a week only. I know I am repeating myself here but it’s important – the goal should be to *cleanse* not to strip. Below, I’m including an excellent video that offers facial care for men tips where the male model uses a skin cleansing brush – something that you may want to include as an option if you have problematic pores or sport a beard. The scrubbing tool he uses can be [found on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3KPJU8i). ## **2. Men’s Facial Moisturizer** Not all moisturizers are created equal. Many are filled with toxic chemicals and skin damaging agents that really have no business being in a grooming product. So how do you know which ones to buy? Look for moisturizers that are [non-comedogenic](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/) (meaning they don’t cause acne) and aren’t loaded with a bunch of chemicals. If you are like most guys, you don’t want to have to spend a lot of time reading the back of tubes and canisters to figure this out. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-applying-moisturizer-to-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Daily moisturizing matters. ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B004TS06HG)I’ll help you take the guesswork out make a recommendation now. Your best bet and least expensive route is to pick up CeraVe’s morning and evening moisturizer pack ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/4fVBiNm)). The morning product contains SPF 30: an ingredient designed to protect your face from the harmful rays of the sun. The evening face cream is for overnight use and helps to lock in moisture while rebalancing. Here’s a quick tip as I wrap up this point. If you have a [rare eye color](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/), like green blue eyes, there’s a good chance you’re more susceptible to the sun’s harmful rays. Make sure you wear some type of sunscreen when you’re outside. ## **3. Men’s Facial Scrub** At least three times a week, you’ll want to use an exfoliating scrub on your face. This will help to remove impurities and other debris that have become lodged into the pores of your skin. Like the previous products mentioned, I suggest using something that is not harsh and doesn’t strip your dermal layer of essential nutrients. ![Baggy eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/baggy-eyes-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dark circles and baggy eyes suck ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00PHHRFYA)I won’t belabor this men’s skincare product tip except to say that the folks at Dove offers an exfoliating scrub ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/4fQ51XJ)) that hits all of the right notes when it comes to deep cleaning. I’m not sure why but many department stores don’t seem to carry this one. That’s likely because they’re trying to sell their own brand. In any event, the ManCave does a great job of clearing whiteheads and blackheads, which helps to prevent unsightly acne. ## **4. Men’s Eye Cream** One of the most tender areas of a man’s face is around the eye area. That’s because collagen production is thin there – a place that happens to need it the most. As a result, it also happens to be a part of the face that shows lines and wrinkles. Rather than reinvent the wheel here, I highly encourage you to read this handy guide on how to get rid of [dark circles and bags for men](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/).  I will mention here that using a high quality anti-aging cream around the eyes on a regular basis is key if you want to keep away fine lines away. ![grey eyes man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/face-man-baggy-eyes-640x381.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Focus on those eye wrinkles ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B003LAEQMO)Wen Medics makes a great eye cream that men will find super effective (See Amazon). I like this one because it helps to strengthen collagen while offering hydration. It’s also suitable for guys with sensitive skin. This one is a must have if you want to keep a youthful, masculine look. ## **5. Men’s Facial Mask** There used to be a time when the very notion of a man using a face mask was thought of as silly. In fact, this used to be a grooming routine reserved for women. Well, I’m here to tell you that times have changed – big time. A quick trip to Sephora or Amazon reveals dozens of beauty masks specifically designed for men. With all of the choices out there, it can be difficult to know which is the best. The answer to that question isn’t as complicated as you might think. Unless you’ve got super sensitive skin, you can use an all-around cleansing and firming product. One of the very best ones on the market today is made by the folks at Rugged and Dapper. [![best face mask for men skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/rugged-and-dapper.jpg?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/2UwvyBW)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B01I02027A) Their Detoxifying Mineral Clay Mask ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2UwvyBW)) uses bentonite and kaolin clays, which help to even skin tone and remove excess oil. I like it because it doesn’t dry out the dermal layer or cause redness. Natural ingredients part of the clay itself, like aloe vera, vitamin E, chamomile, calendula and green tea. Combined, they work in tandem to purge wrinkle causing toxins. Masks should be used 2 times a week, preferably during a time when you are able to chillax. Many guys find that enjoying a [cup of relaxing tea](https://guycounseling.com/10-natural-remedies-anxiety-calm-relax/) along with a mask helps to reduce stress and anxiety. ![at home spa ideas for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/at-home-spa-ideas-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Face masks are critical. ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B075DGPSDW) ## Bonus Tip: Face Care Kits for Guys If you are like most men, you want to keep your grooming routine (and products) down to a bare minimum. An alternative to what has been listed above is the Tiege Hanley Men’s Care System. Everything comes in one box and includes a face wash, AM and PM moisturizer, scrub, eye cream and dermal serum. I’ve used the products and am here to say they deliver exactly what the promise – more attractive, youthful skin in an easy to use system. My only wish is they had a mask that was part of the kit. Perhaps that is coming? I recommend the level 3 option because you’ll get everything together.  Visit [Amazon](https://amzn.to/452uPex) to see Tiege Hanley Men’s Care System. ## **Facial Care for Men Bottom Line** If you want to remain youthful and attractive for as long as possible, it’s important to establish good skincare routines. There’s nothing wrong with being a man and showing concern for your appearance. Facial care doesn’t have to be complicated. By using the tips mentioned above, you should be able to look your very best for years to come. **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Facial Care, Grooming, health, Men's Grooming, men's skin care, Skin, wellness --- ### [7 Best Fade Creams to Rid Black & Brown Spots from Face](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) **Published:** August 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![jensen ackles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/jensen-ackles-face.jpg?resize=635%2C381&ssl=1)Dark spots and freckles on Jensen Ackles face Table of Contents Toggle - [Figuring out the dark spot remover options](#Figuring_out_the_dark_spot_remover_options) - [WHAT CAUSES DARK SPOTS ON FACE?](#WHAT_CAUSES_DARK_SPOTS_ON_FACE) - [AGING AND DARK SPOTS ON FACE](#AGING_AND_DARK_SPOTS_ON_FACE) - [HOW TO GET RID OF DARK SPOTS ON FACE](#HOW_TO_GET_RID_OF_DARK_SPOTS_ON_FACE) - [1. Aloe Vera Gel](#1_Aloe_Vera_Gel) - [2. Lemon Juice](#2_Lemon_Juice) - [3. Topical Hydroquinone](#3_Topical_Hydroquinone) - [4. Salicylic Acid](#4_Salicylic_Acid) - [5. Vitamin C](#5_Vitamin_C) - [6. Retinol](#6_Retinol) - [7. Cosmetic Procedures](#7_Cosmetic_Procedures) - [PREVENTING DARK SPOTS](#PREVENTING_DARK_SPOTS) - [MEDICAL ATTENTION](#MEDICAL_ATTENTION) - [DARK SPOTS ON FACE MYTHS](#DARK_SPOTS_ON_FACE_MYTHS) - [FACIAL DARK SPOTS POLL](#FACIAL_DARK_SPOTS_POLL) - [FINAL THOUGHTS](#FINAL_THOUGHTS) ## **Figuring out the dark spot remover options** Do you have **dark spots** on your face? Are some **brown** or **reddish** in color? Do the spots annoy you because they take away from your appearance? If you are answering yes to these questions, you wouldn’t be alone. Many people – men and woman alike, struggle with this unwelcome issue. Let’s face it, dark spots can be embarrassing because they make us look older than our years. In this article, I’m going to walk you through the world of dark spots and how to get them off your face. Here’s what you’ll learn: - What causes dark spots - How aging affects dark spots - Natural remedies to get rid of facial spots - Dark spot fading creams and removers - How to prevent freckles from forming - Several myths associated with dark spots - Dark Spot on face poll **Related:** [Get rid of dark circles and bags under eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) ![dark spots on face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/man-face-botox.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dark spots on the face ## **WHAT CAUSES DARK SPOTS ON FACE?** There are a number of reasons that dark spots appear on the face. Generally speaking, there are seven primary causes. These include: - Hyperpigmentation - Excessive Sun Exposure - Hormonal Imbalances - Liver Damage - Skin Disorders - Acne Scars - Genetics Let’s take a look at each of these to help enhance your understanding of why these red and brown discolorations show up on your mug. Hyperpigmentation In a nutshell, hyperpigmentation is term used to describe skin that been damaged due to melanin; a complex polymer made up from the amino acid tyrosine. People who have lighter skin tones and/or are from European decent often see hyperpigmentation. Additionally, people with light colored eyes, such as green and blue, commonly sexperience freckles. **Related:** [Learn all about blue green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/) Excessive Sun Exposure Hand in hand with dark spots on the face is excessive exposure to the sun. In fact, this is the primary reason the previously mentioned hyperpigmentation occurs in the first place. When your skin is exposed to solar rays, it compensates by producing melanin. Because sunlight operates on a spectrum, it is not possible to see with the human eye all of its hews or elemental properties. What’s important that you know is that direct and indirect sunlight carries ultraviolet radiation, a skin damaging and cancer causing entity that rides along the spectrum wave. Hormonal Imbalances For reasons we don’t fully understand, hormonal imbalances and changes within the body can trigger skin discoloration and spots. This is particularly true from women who are pregnant. Liver Damage Some people who have certain forms of liver damage experience dark spots on the skin, including the facial and torso areas. The hepatitis virus (both B and C types) are examples. Additionally, cirrhosis of the liver and different forms of liver cancer can encourage the onset of spots. Skin Disorders There are some skin disorders that can cause freckle like spots to appear on the face. Eczema and rosacea are some of the more benign types. More serious skin disorders include fungal issues such as candida and impetigo. As a side note, skin disorders by definition need to be treated by a qualified medical professional, such as a dermatologist. Acne Scars If you have ever had pimples, you already know that they can leave scarring. Sometimes, when you have a bad breakout, some pimples can become quite large, resulting in discoloration on the skin’s surface long after the zit goes away. **Related:** [How to prevent and get rid of stress pimples](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/) Genetics People who are of European decent (particularly northern Europe) seem to be more prone to facial dark spots than others. Specifically, we’re talking about folks of Irish, Swedish, and English ancestry. Additionally, if you are Danish, Finnish or Norwegian, you are more prone to freckle formation. This is not to say other groups can’t or don’t get dark spots because they most certainly do. I’m simply suggesting that the epidemiological [research](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1046/j.1365-2230.2000.00693.x/full) seems to suggest people from higher latitudes are most likely to develop sun spots. This final point leads us to our next area of discussion; aging and facial dark spot formation. ## **AGING AND DARK SPOTS ON FACE** As you age, your skin changes in tone, texture, thickness and suppleness. In other words, the older you get, the less plump and firm your skins looks. The bad news is that some of these changes are beyond your control. Genetics, for example, isn’t something you can cream away. The good news is there are many things you can do to slow down the process and reduce the visible signs of aging. Later on, I’ll walk you through some tips and suggestions. How skin changes as you age Before we look at how to get rid of those dark spots on your face, let’s take a quick peek at what influences skin aging and dark spot formation: - Environmental factors - Genetic makeup - Diet and nutrition - Sun exposure As you age, the outer layer of your dermis thins and becomes fragile. On top of that, reddish brown spots on the face become more pronounced, back dropped against duller, paler and more translucent skin. **Related:** [Anti-aging tips for men to fight wrinkles](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) I’m mentioning this because dark spot prevention and elimination are uniquely tied to the process of aging. As we continue along the way, we’ll explore this issue a bit more. ![hazel eyes channing tatum](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-channing-tatum.jpg?resize=514%2C341&ssl=1)Small freckles on Channing Tatum’s face with hazel eyes ## **HOW TO GET RID OF DARK SPOTS ON FACE** What follows are 7 ways to get rid of dark spots on face. Under each suggestion, I’ve provided a link to scientific research that relates to potential benefits. Ive also offered a link to products available on Amazon that you have sent right to your home. In some cases, I’ve included a recommendation. Let’s jump right in! [![murad dark spot face remover](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/murad-1.jpg?resize=435%2C300&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/3HPnZ1v)Murad Dark Spot Serum ## **1. Aloe Vera Gel** For centuries, the aloe vera plant has been used by women and men for its healing properties. And the benefits of aloe vera aren’t just based on myth. Numerous scientific [studies](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378874199000859) have borne out the plant’s medicinal and anti-aging benefits. If you want to use aloe vera to minimize the appearance of brownish red spots, you can simply buy an aloe vera plant and take some of the gel from a leaf and apply to your face. If the thought of applying plant juice directly to your face doesn’t sound appealing, you can buy a product that contains aloe components that are specifically designed to fade away and get rid of the spots. The folks at Murad make an excellent pigment lightening serum that contains aloe extracts, plus other ingredients known to repair discolored skin tone. **Click:** [Murad Rapid Age Spot Lighting Serum](https://amzn.to/3HPnZ1v) [![lemon mask for dark spots face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/lemon-.jpg?resize=435%2C300&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2dY4mCP)Lemon Peel for Dark Spots on Face ## **2. Lemon Juice** The ancients used lemons for a number of uses that went far beyond enhancing the taste of food. For example, the Greeks and Romans used lemon juice to clean and heal wounds. They likely used lemon because of its high acidity level, which brings us to our next point. Lemons contain citric acid; a [substance](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1046/j.1365-2133.2003.05540.x/full) known to eat away at pigmentation and restore balance. On average, lemons contain around 5% to 6% citric acid each. Should you choose this as a dark spot remover, you can squeeze out a small amount onto a cotton ball or Q-Tip and apply directly to the freckled areas. It is recommended that you test your skin first to make sure you don’t have a reaction. Some people have found that by using a lemon mask, it helps to fade spots and reduce the visible signs of aging. There are several on the market to choose from. I personally like Freeman’s Lemon Peeling Gel. It contains lemon and other natural botanicals that work in unisom to help erase discoloration. **Click:** Freeman Leon Peeling Gel ![ambi fade cream dark spots face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/ambi.jpg?resize=435%2C300&ssl=1)Ambi Fade Cream for Age Spots ## **3. Topical Hydroquinone** If you’ve been looking at different ways to get rid of dark spots on the face, you’ve no doubt seen hydroquinone. You may be wondering what this substance is? In a nutshell, hydroquinone is an aromatic organic compound that is used for skin lightening. When combined with alpha hydroxyl acid, the combination cream is clinically proven to fade dark spots on the face in some people. You can only get hydroquinone at a maximum level of 2%. Higher concentrations require a prescription per FDA. All of this leads us to the question: *What’s the best brand to buy?* Previously, I mentioned Murad’s Rapid Age Spot Lightening Serum ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/4bqJl3h)). Within this product, a combo of 2% hydroquinone is present, along with glycolic acid. I mention this because if you buy this product, you’re already getting the topical formula specifically designed to fade the spots. And I’ll say here that this serum is a really great option. However, if you are looking to spend less money or if you simply want to try something different, a good option to consider is Ambi Fade Cream. I’ve used this cream and have found that over the course of time, it gradually reduces dark spots and helps to create a more balanced skin tone. What I like about Ambi Fade Cream is that it comes in different “types”, meaning creams for normal skin and creams for oily skin. Since I have oily skin, that’s the one I buy. But for most folks, the normal kind is probably a good choice. This cream contains 2% hydroquinone and alpha hydroxide acid. It only takes a tiny amount. Don’t expect instant results. It can take several weeks before you see dark spot fading to occur. **Visit Amazon to check for supplies** [![Perfect Image Deep Gel Cleanser](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/perfect-image.jpg?resize=435%2C300&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2f0mRsB)Perfect Image Deep Gel Cleanser ## **4. Salicylic Acid** When you hear something like salicylic acid, it can sound kind of scary, right? I mean who wants to put acid on their face. Let me assure you that in the case of dark spot removal, this type of acid is completely safe. Here’s why – salicylic acid is an *organic acid*, meaning it is derived from the bark of willow trees and some flowering plants. It’s not sulfuric acid, which is what’s used in car batteries. In the case of facial care, salicylic acid helps to soften up the outer layer of skin on your mug and peel off dead skin cells. Pigmentation also fades off as part of the process. I will say that using salicylic acid products work best when combined with other treatment approaches, such as some of the topical creams and serums mentioned earlier. And it is important to note that some people find a drying effect occurs as a result of using salicylic acid. That’s why it’s important to use a high quality facial cream, like CeraVe’s facial [moisturizer](http://amzn.to/2fhqG0d). So which salicylic acid product should you use? Many people have found that Perfect Image’s Deep Gel Exfoliating Cleanser does a fantastic job with fading spots while preventing acne. What I like about this one is that its [non-comedogenic;](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/) a 25 cent term used to describe products that don’t cause pimples. It’s also great for oily skin types. The cleansing gel also contains beta-hydroxy acid and tea tree oils (known to kill acne causing bacteria). [Visit Amazon for Products Pricing](https://amzn.to/4wiw5FC) ![vitamin c for dark spots and freckles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/vitamin-c-serum.jpg?resize=435%2C300&ssl=1)Vitamin C Serum for Dark Spots ## **5. Vitamin C** Many people swear by the power of Vitamin C. It’s been used by mankind since the [Holocene Epoch](http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/quaternary/holocene.php); which is where we currently sit on the geologic time scale. When you hear Vitamin C, you probably think of oranges. That’s smart because oranges contain citric acid. How much acid is in each piece of this fruit depends on the orange. Generally speaking, most contain somewhere between 3% to 4%. You can use the same approach as discussed with the lemon, meaning squeeze a bit out on a cotton ball and apply to the spotty areas. If you choose this route, it is suggested that you do it no more than twice a day. Some people swear this is an excellent natural remedy for blotchy, spotted skin. I’ve tried it and haven’t had much luck. With that shared, there are topical creams that you may want to consider. I’ve done a bit of research and the one that I like (and many folks rave about) is Finelicious Cosmetics Advanced Vitamin C Serum. It helps to not only fade the spots but also smooths wrinkles caused by sun damage. And it’s great at hydrating the skin; something that many spot fading products aren’t very good at. **Click:** [Visit Amazon for Vitamin C Serum](https://amzn.to/3HPnZ1v) [![body merry dark spot moisturizer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/body-merry.jpg?resize=435%2C300&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2e8Et6E)Body Merry Moisturizer with Retinol: Helps Fade Dark Spots ## **6. Retinol** Retinol may sound super fancy but it’s really nothing more than a form of Vitamin A. To get all scientific about it, retinols are diterpenes (aka biosynthesized plant compounds). We know from [clinical research](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ajpa.1330430322/abstract) that Vitamin A does have many health benefits, including skin lightening advantages. So does this mean you should squeeze some apple juice and blot a few drops on brown spots with a Q-Tip? Probably not. Remember, Retinol is a derivative of Vitamin C that has been synthesized into an acidic cream form. That’s why you need to buy a product that contains retinol, specifically designed for facial application. The one I used (and happens to be my favorite) is Body Merry’s Retinol Surge Facial Moisturizer. I like it because it not only contains retinol but also hyaluronic acid, green tea and vitamins – all known to fade dark spots and minimize the signs of aging. If you decide to get this product, I recommend using it only a few times a week because it is strong. Also, test a patch of skin first to make sure you don’t have a reaction. I use it at night, 3-4 times a week. I can only speak for myself when I say the product does exactly what it says it does – minimize spots and smooths fine lines. [Visit Amazon for product options](https://amzn.to/4pSutR2) [![mens facial mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/best-mens-facial-cream-mask.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/)Dark Spots: Medical Procedures ## **7. Cosmetic Procedures** There are a number of cosmetic procedures available that are specifically designed to help fade discoloration and bring about more balanced skin tone. There is no way in this one post I can go through all of them. Instead, I will highlight some of the more common procedures. Should you decide to go this route, you will need to check with a qualified dermatologist. As a matter of full disclosure, I want to share that I’ve had cosmetic procedures, [including Botox injections](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/). Chemical Peel Chemical peels are designed to remove the outer layer of skin so that new skin growth occurs. Here are the potential benefits: - Fade away and remove brownish dark spots on face. - Improve the appearance of scarring. - Treat wrinkles and sun damage. Thermage This cosmetic procedure uses monopolar radiofrequency to deliver electrical current to the dermis. It is [FDA approved](https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/cdrh_docs/pdf13/K132431.pdf) for the treatment of wrinkles around the eyes. Thermage is non-evasive and uses a wand type device that is run over the face. Here are the potential benefits: - Wrinkle reduction - Lightening of dark spots - Fading of fine lines Laser Resurfacing Yet another cosmetic procedure is laser resurfacing. There are different forms of this procedure so you will want to check with your dermatologist to explore options. Potential benefits include: - Fading of brownish dark and red spots - Wrinkle fading - Facial smoothing ![dark spots on face prevention](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/self-confidence.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dark Spot Prevention ## **PREVENTING DARK SPOTS** All that you have read above speaks to how you can treat dark spots and ultimately, get rid of them. But I would be remiss in not discussing dark spot prevention. As a reader, you’re probably a savvy person and done some homework on this topic. Rather than bore you to tears, I’ll quickly highlight the basics of freckle prevention. - Avoid exposure to the sun when possible. - Stay away from tanning beds. - Whenever you go outside, even for short periods of time, always use a sunscreen with a minimum of SPF30. - The sunscreen should contain zinc oxide and titanium dioxide. - Make sure the sunscreen you use is non-comedogenic. - Consider wearing a hat with a brim to shield your face from direct sunlight. - Wear [sunglasses with UV protective](http://amzn.to/2e8Xm9B) coating so that the sun’s rays do not damage the delicate areas around the eyes. - If you are hanging out at the beach, use an umbrella or some other type of shield to keep the sun’s harmful rays from damaging your skin. - Apply an all-around facial moisturizer at night that contains hyaluronic acid. Folks, I am here to tell you that some of the sunscreens and moisturizers on the market are extremely expensive. Here’s what’s important that you know. Most all of them contain the same chemical ingredients. Many of these creams make wild claims that simply aren’t borne out by the clinical research. Therefore, it’s best to go with a product that is highly recommended by dermatologists and does exactly what it says it will do – prevent skin damage and moisturize. Best Daytime Sunscreen Hands down, the best daytime moisturizer is made by CeraVe. Their morning facial moisturizing lotion meets the requirement of containing SPF30 sunscreen. It also has zinc oxide. Finally, it’s non-comedogenic and contains hyaluronic acid. If you want a very good moisturizer that plumps and makes your skin look supple while preventing age spots, I highly recommend. Best Nighttime Moisturizer At night, I recommend using CeraVe’s evening moisturizer. It’s very similar to the daytime cream however, it doesn’t have the sunscreen in it. And here is the best part – you can buy both of these as a combination package and keep the bottles next to one another. CeraVe already has them marked for AM and PM. When used in conjunction with the other items mentioned above, you’ll have an excellent facial care regime in place. You can buy both of these at most drug stores or simply order online and have them conveniently shipped to your home. [Visit Amazon for options](https://amzn.to/4wcKW4j) ![Baggy eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/baggy-eyes-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)When to Seek Medical Attention for Dark Spots ## **MEDICAL ATTENTION** If you are noticing spots on your face (or other body parts) that seem jagged, raised or irregular shape, it’s really important that you see a medical professional right away. In many cases, the spots are nothing more than benign anomaly. But sometimes they can be a sign of a more serious problem, such as a carcinoma – a form of skin cancer. If you want to learn more about the signs and symptoms of skin cancer and related conditions, you can visit the Cancer Treatment Centers of America [online](http://www.cancercenter.com/skin-cancer/symptoms/). They have an extensive set of pages on this topic. Spots on the skin, including the face, can also be an indication of an underlying medical condition. If you notice something that looks suspicious, seems to spread or is reoccurring, you need to make an appointment with your doctor so that it can be checked out. ![alpha myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1) ## **DARK SPOTS ON FACE MYTHS** Over the years, I’ve heard a number of myths associated with dark spots on the face. Some make you scratch your head. Others are just bizarre. Here are a few of the biggies: - Black people don’t get dark spots on the face. - Latinos don’t experience dark spots. - Aliens place spots on the face to mark the human species. - Getting rid of dark spots always requires surgery - Dark spots aren’t caused by genetics - Only people with [green or hazel eyes get dark spots](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) ## **FACIAL DARK SPOTS POLL** Just for fun, I’ve put up a poll that asks you to share your struggle with dark spots. Your vote is anonymous. Be sure to check back to see how your choice compares against other website visitors. If you don’t see the poll because you are on a mobile device, use think link to [dark spot remover poll](https://poll.fm/9565362) link vote. ## **FINAL THOUGHTS** As we grow older, dark spots, freckles and skin discoloration are part of the norm. But that doesn’t mean you can’t prevent them from happening in the first place. What’s more, you can do things that help to get rid of dark spots that are proven to be effective. The trick is knowing your skin type. Starting treatments early can also help problems from becoming worse. Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture! Please Like on Facebook and share on other forms of social media! **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Age Spots, Anti-Aging, Dark Spots, Eye Color, Freckles, Healthy Skin, Skin, Skin Care, Wrinkles --- ### [The Best Face Moisturizers for Men For Every Skin Type](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) **Published:** August 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man applying best moisturizers for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-applying-moisturizer-to-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Men’s Face Moisturizer Options](#Mens_Face_Moisturizer_Options) - [Best Face Moisturizers for Men – Skin Type](#Best_Face_Moisturizers_for_Men_%E2%80%93_Skin_Type) - [Face Moisturizer Personal Story](#Face_Moisturizer_Personal_Story) - [A Man’s Face](#A_Mans_Face) - [5 Men’s Skin Types](#5_Mens_Skin_Types) - [Niche vs. Designer Face Moisturizers](#Niche_vs_Designer_Face_Moisturizers) - [Moisturizer Mistakes Men Make](#Moisturizer_Mistakes_Men_Make) - [Outdoor and Indoor Moisturizers](#Outdoor_and_Indoor_Moisturizers) - [How to Pick a Men’s Moisturizer](#How_to_Pick_a_Mens_Moisturizer) - [25 Best Face Moisturizers Men](#25_Best_Face_Moisturizers_Men) - [NORMAL SKIN](#NORMAL_SKIN) - [COMBINATION SKIN](#COMBINATION_SKIN) - [OILY SKIN](#OILY_SKIN) - [Dry Skin](#Dry_Skin) - [Sensitive Skin](#Sensitive_Skin) - [How to apply moisturizer](#How_to_apply_moisturizer) - [How often should men moisturize?](#How_often_should_men_moisturize) - [What about washing my face?](#What_about_washing_my_face) - [Should I consider a mask?](#Should_I_consider_a_mask) - [Men’s face moisturizer stereotypes](#Mens_face_moisturizer_stereotypes) - [Men’s face moisturizer poll](#Mens_face_moisturizer_poll) - [Bringing it all together](#Bringing_it_all_together) ## **Men’s Face Moisturizer Options** Looking for a **men’s face moisturizer product**? Trying to figure out which ones work best for your skin type? Is your goal to have a younger, more attractive mug? If you are answering yes to these questions, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s be honest guys, a lot of what you read on the Internet about men’s grooming products sucks. Most of the time, the information provided doesn’t tell you jack. Not to mention the fact you’ve got to read through a bunch of hypermasculine garbage that tries to convince you that “real men” buy face creams. Here’s my promise – you’ll find none of that crap here. Instead, I’m going to give you the real deal about men’s face moisturizer choices, just like I have in the past with [men’s colognes](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). I’m going to fill you in on the dirty secret nobody is talking about. The men’s personal care market is an exploding, multi billion-dollar industry. Years ago, it was considered “taboo” for guys to talk about grooming needs. Thankfully, those days are long gone. Today, companies that specialize in the male personal care market are spending big bucks to get you – a guy – to buy their products. Bottom line – you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, good on you for researching face care products to help you look your best. ## Best Face Moisturizers for Men - Skin Type | BRAND | NORMAL | OILY | DRY | COMBO | SENSITIVE | |---|---|---|---|---|---| | CeraVe Facial Moisturizing AM/PM Bundle | x | | | x | x | | MenScience Androceuticals Advanced Face Lotion | x | | | x | | | Tiege Hanley Skin Care System | x | | | x | x | | Brickwell Anti-Aging Cream | x | x | x | x | x | | XFACTIO Anti-Aging Serum | x | | | x | | | Brickwell Men’s Daily Essential Face | x | | | x | | | Rugged and Dapper Skin Fuel | x | | | x | | | Truman’s Gentlemen’s Groomers | x | | | x | | | Carboca For Men Moisturizer | | | x | x | x | | Jack Black Double Duty Moisturizer | x | | x | x | x | | Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair | x | | x | x | x | | Baxter Oil Free Moisturizer | | x | | x | x | | Carboca Men’s Acne Moisturizer | | x | x | x | | | Mr. Smith Skin Care | | x | x | x | x | | Face Cream Moisturizer LilyAna | x | x | x | x | x | | Anthony Oil Free Facial Lotion | | x | | x | | | Recipe for Men Anti-Shine Moisturizer | x | x | x | x | x | | Men + Care Hydrate | x | | x | x | x | | Cetaphil Men’s Daily Face Lotion | x | x | x | x | x | | Vassoul Retinol Moisturizer Cream | x | | | x | x | | Peter Roth Mega Rich | x | | x | x | x | | First Aid Beauty Serum | | | | x | x | | Cetaphil Redness Relieving | x | | | x | x | | Sunday Riley | x | | | x | x | | Eucerin Sensitive Skin Redness Relief | x | | | x | x | ![lake moisturizer men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/lake-moisturizer-men.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Face Moisturizer Personal Story Not long ago, I was out on a Canadian River, fishing with my four brothers. As we sat around and talked (and caught nothing) a woman walked up to us and asked if we had seen her dog. In a flash, her chocolate retriever “Duke” sprinted from the distance. Apparently, he had been wandering. Dogs tend to do that I suppose. At any rate, she asked me if I was the youngest of the group. When I told her no, she seemed surprised. “Really? Well, your face doesn’t show it. Must be good genes.” After she left, my brothers really gave me a lot of crap. Once they were done razzing me, the conversation quickly turned to what I was using as a moisturizer. Who would have thought a silly fishing trip would have turned into a conversation about face care? But that’s exactly what happened, albeit briefly. I’m sharing this with you for context. In truth, most men do care (a lot) about their personal appearance. While it’s not something we openly talk about, all of us are fully aware of the relationship between [perception and self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). Knowing this factoid is what inspired me to run an analysis of the best men’s moisturizer options. With the help of consumer reviews and customer feedback, I data-mined dozens of different moisturizers to reveal the top products. And let me tell you – it wasn’t easy. There are more creams on the market than I can shake a stick at. But finally, after months of getting all the information sorted, I’m ready to share my findings. Guys, we’re going to be covering a lot of information in what follows. I highly encourage you to read this entire page so that you can make the best choice for your specific needs. After all, this is your face we’re talking about. **In this article, you will learn:** - The unique features of a man’s face - How men and women have different skin - Five men’s skin types - Designer vs. niche moisturizers - Why quality and price don’t always go hand in hand - The fundamentals of picking a good men’s moisturizer - How to apply moisturizer to your face - How many times per day you should apply a product - Several moisturizing hacks - Seasonal issues and considerations - Myths about men and face moisturizing At this point, I also want to be fully transparent and disclose that the products shared on this page are linked to Amazon; an organization that I am an affiliate with. That said, interwoven in this guide you’ll find other educational material about men’s grooming, including a video. So, are you ready to get your handsome on? Let’s jump right in! ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/men-and-skin-1.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) ## A Man’s Face Many people assume that men have the same face skin as women. But that’s not exactly true. While there are similarities on the bio-dermal level, guys tend to have oiler, thicker, and more porous skin than the ladies. You may be thinking “so what?” Well, I’m sharing this with you because men are more likely to experience acne as a result. Moreover, guys develop deeper, wider, and more pronounced wrinkles than our female counterparts. It’s like this. Once you get into your late 20’s and early 30’s, the process of protein synthesis in your body starts to slow down big time (Zivkovic, 2011). As time goes on, your face begins to lose an important substance called collagen. You may be curious about what this means? At its core, collagen is a fancy term used to describe the gelatinous substance your body places in the skin. This substance fills the dermal layer, making it look plump and smooth. The older you get, the less collagen is created. This is why guys in their early 20’s have faces that appear wrinkle-free. Make sense? A research study appearing in the British Journal of Dermatology found that as you age, the amount of collagen created in your body decreases. For men, thicker skin can cause wrinkles to become more pronounced (Shuster, Black, & McVitie, 1975). It goes without saying there are genetic variables that must be factored into the dynamic. Your genes, health history, alcohol intake and use of tobacco all matter, too. That said, you can expect to lose some amount of collagen with each passing year. There’s no way to totally stop this loss, even though some skincare companies use language to suggest otherwise. Sure, you can spend money on dermal fillers like Restylane and Voluma but they aren’t cheap. Plus, why not try to encourage your system to produce more collagen, naturally? Wouldn’t you rather do this as opposed to getting stuck with a long-nosed needle? ![men skin types and moisturizers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mens-skin-types-12.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) ## 5 Men’s Skin Types Right off the bat, you need to know that whenever you hear the term “skin types” linked to men’s grooming products, it’s a top-level term that’s used interchangeably with moisturizers, masks, scrubs, creams, and lotions. Many of the products are labeled “good for all skin types”. Others are siloed into categories like: dry, oily, normal, combination and sensitive. Intuitively, you probably can assess what type of skin you have based on your history. That said, I encourage you to read all of the typologies below so that you can make the wisest choice for your skincare needs. **1) Normal Skin** People who fall into the normal skin type category usually have the following characteristics: - Few imperfections - Not usually sensitive - Pores not visible to naked eye - Radiant, even tone **2) Combination Skin** If you have the type of skin that has a combination of features, you characteristically: - Blackheads - Dry and oily areas - Shine on cheeks, forehead or nose - Patches of dry skin - Semi-uneven skin tone **3) Oily Skin** This is one of the most common skin types. Environmental factors, genetics, and stress can all influence oily skin problems. Some guys get acne because of this. Here’s the thing. If you have oily skin and/or struggle with pimples, you need to use several approaches. Learn more in this [men’s stress acne post](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/). If you have oily skin, you likely: - Have enlarged pores - Pimples (small and large) - Whiteheads, blackheads and dry patches - Shiny facial features **4) Dry Skin** When you have dry skin, the symptoms are obvious. For most guys with this issue, it’s been a lifelong issue. Common signs include: - Patchy, red areas - Scaly areas - Cracked skin - Rough to touch - Dull complexion - Visible lines - Almost invisible pores **5) Sensitive Skin** Men with sensitive usually exhibit the following traits that stand out: - Redness - Sensitive to touch - Blotches - Bumps - Dryness/itchiness ![mens face lotions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Niche vs. Designer Face Moisturizers Believe it or not, there are two types of men’s skin moisturizers. The first is niche types. The second is the designers. Here are the primary differences: - Niche moisturizers: These products cater to a specific skin type and are marketed in ways that speak directly to a given issue. Most can be picked up at big-chain drug stores, shopping centers, and malls. Prices can range from inexpensive to pricey. - Designer moisturizers: Usually more expensive, these products are marketed to men and promise a certain lifestyle. Popular brands include Rugged and Dapper, Clinique, and Men’s Science. Sometimes available in stores but usually not. ## Moisturizer Mistakes Men Make To keep it real, most guys aren’t going to go around and talk about personal care choices. It’s just not what dudes do. And that’s part of what feeds into some of the buying mistakes we make. Sadly, there are a lot of men who think the more expensive a product, the higher the quality. **But that’s simply not true.** There are dozens of men’s moisturizers that do an excellent job hydrating the skin that don’t cost a fortune. I’m talking about products that help boost collagen and act as an anti-aging cream. An amazing example can be found in Men’s Science Advanced Face Lotion ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2jHQQbj)). The reason I’m sharing this with you is that many moisturizers share the same ingredients. Just because the label carries the logo of a big company doesn’t mean it’s awesome. The other thing you need to know is most grooming products aren’t FDA regulated. In other words, they can make all sorts of wild claims and not worry about being regulated. ![Taurus men personality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/counseling-services.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Heading outdoors? Grab an SPF moisturizer ## Outdoor and Indoor Moisturizers You probably already know this but it’s worth stating. The sun can do massive damage to your face and accelerate the signs of aging. When your skin is exposed to the sun’s powerful rays, it compensates by producing melanin. Sunlight, which operates on a spectrum and contains ultra-violet radiation, rides a wavelength down to earth – and onto your face. When exposed too long to these rays, severe damage can happen, including the onset of potential cancers. Here are some examples of what sun-damaged skin can do: - Cause blotchiness and redness - Create premature lines and wrinkles - Strip the dermal layer - Cause your face to take on a leather-like appearance - Increase discoloration - Create freckles - Cause hyperpigmentation [(read how to get rid of brown spots on face)](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) I am mentioning all of this because you are going to need two specific kinds of moisturizers. One for daytime and one for night. Even if you are outside minimally or work mostly indoors, you still need to use a lotion that offers protection. According to the American Academy of Dermatology, 80% of the sun’s harmful rays penetrate your skin – even on cloudy days. When choosing a product for daytime use, current recommendations from the American Academy of Dermatology suggest a minimum of 30 SPF (See graphic from AAD). But I need to point out there is some disagreement here. Some dermatologists suggest SPF 20 is fine. I’ve even in some say  SPF 15 is OK. Here are my thoughts. It’s better to have some protection than no protection. Do your research and if need be, talk to your dermatologist. I personally use a minimum of SPF 15. OK – moving on. If you are spending time outdoors, like on the beach, camping, fishing or hiking, you may want to use a sun-block. These types of products offer maximum protection while also preventing sunburn. Finally, do all possible to limit your exposure to the sun. When outside, consider wearing a hat to protect your face. Use sunglasses that are designed to protect your eyes from harmful solar rays and cover the delicate area under your eyes. Remember, your eyes are the first-place wrinkles typically show up and are one of the biggest signs of aging. To learn more about skincare under the eyes, like reducing wrinkles, puffiness and bags, read this [“How to get rid of baggy eyes”](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) post. ![pick a mens moisturizer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/how-to-pick-a-product.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) ## How to Pick a Men’s Moisturizer Now that you have reviewed the basics on skin types, it’s time to explore how to pick the right moisturizer for your specific needs. Before you apply anything to your face, it’s critical that you wash it first and remove any debris. To learn more about choosing the right [cleansers designed for men](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/), check out this comprehensive post. Here are some things to consider when picking a moisturizer: - Identify your skin type. If you aren’t sure, check with a dermatologist. - Know your goals. Example: Fewer wrinkles, smoother skin, younger look, oil reduction, better skin tone, etc. - How often will you need to use the product? Some require application 2-3 times per day. - Asses your exposure to the sun. How long will you be outside? - Do you need [something non-comedogenic](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/), meaning it doesn’t lend itself to causing acne? - Factor in any skin conditions and if need be, talk to your dermatologist. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/best-moisturizers-.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) ## 25 Best Face Moisturizers Men Below you will find a list of 25 best face moisturizer choices for men. I’ve broken everything down by the skin types mentioned above. Under each product, I’ve also included descriptive information. If it’s something I’ve used or know that someone else has applied, you’ll see something in the narrative. All the moisturizer options listed have been carefully assessed and delivered men the results, based on my research. To make things easier, I’ve included a link to Amazon for you to check on the price and order. Later, you’ll find several application tips, best practices, and seasonal information. Check it out! ## NORMAL SKIN [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/cerave-ampm.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](https://amzn.to/4gdhGW8) **1. CeraVe Facial Moisturizing AM/PM Bundle** If you are looking for an excellent moisturizing option, I highly recommend CeraVe’s AM/PM bundle. The morning product contains SPF 30 to protect you from the sun. The evening product is one you apply before bed or after a night out. Both help to repair, restore, and maintain skin’s barrier. I’ve been using for years. Simply excellent. [See Amazon for price.](https://amzn.to/4gdhGW8) [![menscience lotion for face men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/men-s-science-advanced.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2B5Lemi) **2. MenScience Androceuticals Advanced Face Lotion** Great for normal skin types, this product helps to reduce the visible signs of aging while renewing the skin’s dermal layer. Goes on ultra-light and leaves skin smooth. No SPF so best used at night. Product has a matte finish, which helps to reduce shine. Uses antioxidants, green tea, and vitamins A, C and E to help repair and protect. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2B5Lemi). [![Tiege hanley mens face moisturizers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/tiege.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](https://amzn.to/4hachjG) **3. Tiege Hanley Skin Care System** Here’s what I like about this product line. It comes in a complete set and contains AM and PM moisturizers, plus other products designed for men. AM product has SPF. I’ve used them and have to say they deliver the results as promised. Excellent for normal skin types. Great for guys who want to simplify. [Visit Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/4hachjG) [![mens anti-aging](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/brickwell.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2kvLB2J) **4. Brickwell Anti-Aging Cream** If you are looking for a great overnight anti-wrinkle cream that uses natural ingredients like green tea, this one is a smart choice. Does not have SPF. Helpful with reducing fine lines and crows feet. Helps to plump skin, giving a more youthful, fresh look. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kvLB2J). [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/xfacio.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2nAR3lJ) **5. XFACTIO Anti-Aging Serum** This product is made from natural ingredients and is designed to be used on face and neck. Terrific overnight moisturizer that helps to minimize the appearance of wrinkles and lines. I’ve heard from several people this product also helps the face to look smoother and firmer, giving a more youthful appearance. Not meant for day use (no SPF). See Amazon. ## COMBINATION SKIN [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/brickwell-daily.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2BGFEmJ) **6. Brickwell Men’s Daily Essential Face** This is a very good product for combination skin types. It’s light, non-pore clogging, deeply hydrating, and absorbs through the skin’s dermal layer quickly. I’ve used this one at night and have been pleased with the results. No SPF sunscreen. [Check Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2BGFEmJ). [![rugged and dapper men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/rugged-and-daper-skin-fuel-.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2kpS3YR) **7. Rugged and Dapper Skin Fuel** This is a great product that goes on light and is terrific for men on the go. Good for combo skin types or if you struggle with an oily complexion. Uses natural ingredients and is fragrance- free. Also, couples as an aftershave balm! No SPF. The reason I am recommending is that many readers of this blog have contacted me to share Skin Fuel has worked well for them. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kpS3YR). [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/trumans.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2BOVvjN) **8. Truman’s Gentlemen’s Groomers** Designed as a daily moisturizer, this product goes on smooth and light. Helps to reduce dryness and promote a more youthful appearance. Contains Vitamin B and eucalyptus oil. Can also be used under eyes to minimize bags and slacking. No SPF. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2BOVvjN). [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/caraboca.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2kqLyFl) **8. Carboca For Men Moisturizer** This is a really good product if you want something that draws out toxins from your skin and contains a number of natural ingredients. The activated charcoal ingredient helps to purge your skin of impurities while the moisturizing agents smooth fine lines and wrinkles. Use this one at night. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kqLyFl). [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/jack-black-double.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2AXUx7C) **9. Jack Black Double Duty Moisturizer** If you are searching for a day cream that protects your face from the sun while offering anti-aging benefits, you might want to consider this guy. With an SPF 20 sun block, the product is fragrance free and contains vitamins and sheer moisturizers. Goes on light and doesn’t leave a greasy look. [Check Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2AXUx7C). [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/neutrogena.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2ixVcSe) **10. Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair** If you prefer to apply a product with a higher SPF (30) consider using this one. Neutrogena has been in the skin care business for decades and their daytime moisturizer is an excellent choice for combo types. Contains Retinol, which is a natural ingredient that helps to increase collagen while giving your face a fresher, more rested look. Hyaluronic acid acts as a rejuvenator. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ixVcSe). ## OILY SKIN [![baxter products for men's faces](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/baxter.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2ivtqWg) **11. Baxter Oil Free Moisturizer** Really good moisturizer if you struggle with oily skin. Uses green tea and chamomile as natural ingredients. Effectively hydrates your face and promotes a more youthful look. Lightweight, goes on easy and doesn’t leave a shine like so many creams do. Also contains stearic acid, which helps mop up oil. Lots of positive feedback on this one. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ivtqWg). [![acne face moisturizer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/carboca-acne.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2krTaqY) **12. Carboca Men’s Acne Moisturizer** Need a moisturizer that also helps to reduce acne? Got oily skin but still need a cream to keep you hydrated? Consider Carboca’s product. This guy contains hydrated charcoal to extract impurities from the dermal layer. Helps to reduce drying while decreasing lines and wrinkles. No SPF so apply this at night. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2krTaqY). [![mr smith face creams for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mr-smith.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2jmdZAF) **13. Mr. Smith Skin Care** I’ve used this product and have to say it is really good! If you want something natural and doesn’t contain overpowering fragrances, you might want to check this one out. I also like this product because it delivers on the anti-aging promises made in the packaging. Lightweight. No SPF. See Amazon. [![face cream natural](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/face-cream-lilana-.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2kqxpYG) **14. Face Cream Moisturizer LilyAna** If you want a natural moisturizing product that is good for oily skin and makes you look younger, you’ll really like this one. I have personally used and can tell you that it truly does what it says it will. Primary ingredients include Rose Distillate, Aloe Vera, Vitamin C & E, Orange Extract. No SPF, use at night. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kqxpYG). [![anthony products for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/anthony.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2BMjHUd) **15. Anthony Oil Free Facial Lotion** If you are looking for an all-around, good moisturizer that’s helpful for oily skin, this product is certainly one to consider. I’ve used in the past and was happy with the results. Applies easily and is lightweight. Helps to reduce shine while minimizing crows feet and wrinkles. Contains sodium PCA amino acids, soothes with aloe and chamomile, retains moisture with glycerin. No SPF. See pricing on Amazon. ## Dry Skin [![recipe for men product for face oily skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/recipe-for-men.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2ksfGQw) **16. Recipe for Men Anti-Shine Moisturizer** If you have dry skin that cracks or is prone to wrinkles, you really should try this one. I’ve used it during winter and found it to be extremely effective. No SPF. The product uses a micro-pearl system that is part of its energizing gel base. Ingredients include botanical extracts. The result is smoother, younger skin. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2ksfGQw). [![hydrate for men skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/men-care.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](https://amzn.to/4fVkLsM) **17. Men + Care Hydrate** This product is easy to use, making it guy-friendly. Perfect for the man who wants a simple product to apply at night to keep wrinkles at a minimum. Contains vitamin B3, which is known to promote healthier looking skin. Designed for face and neck. You can sometimes find at a chain pharmacy. [See pricing on Amazon.](https://amzn.to/4fVkLsM) [![cetaphil men's products](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/cetaphil-men.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](https://amzn.to/458iQfl) **18. Cetaphil Men’s Daily Face Lotion** Looking for a daytime lotion that offers some SPF protection from the sun while reducing wrinkles? Need something easy to apply and simple? This product is a smart choice. Its dermatologist tested, contains an SPF 15 factor and couples as a lightweight aftershave lotion. Honestly, it doesn’t get any simpler than this. At some stores. [Check Amazon.](https://amzn.to/458iQfl) ![retinol for men face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Vassoul-Retinol-Moisturizer-Cream.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow") **19. Vassoul Retinol Moisturizer Cream** Sometimes, you need something heavy duty to keep the lines away. An example might be cold weather climates where warm air is zapped from the atmosphere. This is when you should reach for a product like this. Contains 2.5% retinol and is loaded with lots of organic, skin preserving ingredients like aloe vera and green tea. I have used and so have several dudes I know. Check Amazon’s price. ![peter roth men's face cream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Peter-Roth-Mega-Rich.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow") **20. Peter Roth Mega Rich** I like this product because it contains peptides that help to produce collagen. Designed for evening use (no SPF), it effectively reduces the appearance of wrinkles and lines. I’m the first to say this isn’t the cheapest product on the market. That said, it delivers on its claims because I’ve used it in the past. See Amazon for price. ## Sensitive Skin [![sensitive skin moisturizer men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/first-aid.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](http://amzn.to/2Be1stG) **21. First Aid Beauty Serum** If you are looking for something fragrance-free and natural that doesn’t include harsh chemicals, this is an excellent choice. The reason I like is that it helps to calm distressed skin. No SPF. Using colloidal oatmeal as a main ingredient, the product helps to restore the skin’s moisture barrier, thereby promoting a smoother face. Hyaluronic acid minimizes wrinkles. You may be able to find in stores. Check Amazon for pricing. [![redness relieiving men face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Cetaphil-Redness-Relieving-1.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](https://amzn.to/4wcu39V) **22. Cetaphil Redness Relieving** Do you have redness on your face? Is rosacea a problem you struggle with? Experience drying and cracking? If so, consider this product. I’ve used it and have had good results. No SPF. What I like about this guy is that it calms the face and helps to take away the irritation from the day. Fragrance-free. Does a good job of reducing deep lines. [See Amazon.](https://amzn.to/4wcu39V) [![sunday riley cream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/sunday-riley.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](https://amzn.to/4wGh4hO) **23. Sunday Riley** If you need a high potency, evening product (no SPF) that replenishes skin and reduces lines, this is a good product. Contains vitamin C, which is key to healthy skin and supports collagen production. It goes on somewhat thick, which might not be a bad thing in cold weather environments. [Check Amazon for pricing.](https://amzn.to/4wGh4hO) [![blotchy face cream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Eucerin-Sensitive-Skin-Redness-Relief.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow")](https://amzn.to/3S9aOQx) **24. Eucerin Sensitive Skin Redness Relief** This is another product for dry, sensitive skin and for guys who have rosacea. I’ve used this product and can share with you that it is effective at minimizing blotchiness and redness. No SPF. What I’ve done with this guy is put it in the fridge. I like how the cream feels when I apply to my skin because of the cooling effect. Works great at providing moisture overnight. You can get at some drug stores. [Check Amazon’s prices.](https://amzn.to/3S9aOQx) ![calming moisturizer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Paula-s-Choice-Calm-Redness-Relief-.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1 "no follow") **25. Paula’s Choice Calm Redness Relief** If you want a product that can be applied during the day and offers sun protection (SPF 30), this one may be just what you need. Uses soothing plant extracts and peptides to keep your skin from flaring up. Great at reducing wrinkles and locking in moisture. Apply in morning. Check Amazon to see price. ## ![best mens moisturizer with how to apply tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mens-moisturizer-tips-chart.jpg?resize=564%2C846&ssl=1)How to apply moisturizer All face moisturizers come with specific directions on application and frequency. It’s important to read the label with care. As men, we don’t like to spend a lot of time fussing around with grooming products. But if you want them to work, you need to allow time for it to absorb into your skin. For example, if you are applying something with SPF, many products suggest waiting 15-minutes before heading outdoors. Bottom line? Do what the directions suggest. **Application tips:** - Apply a dime-sized amount to center of clean palm - Using finger tips, use gentle, upward strokes to evenly distribute. - Apply to forehead, evenly spreading cream over the entire dermal layer - Don’t forget nose, neck, and ears. - Always lift the skin and never drag it down. That’s why upward strokes are the recommended approach, particularly on the neck area. ## How often should men moisturize? Generally speaking, you should moisturize at least twice a day. This means once in the morning and once at night. Some products suggest more frequent use. Check the label. **Application frequency factors:** - Do you live in a chilly weather climate? If so, applying a moisturizer more frequently may make sense. - Will you be in the sun for an extended period? You may need to apply more than once. - Do you have naturally dry skin? Putting on lotion at intervals may be necessary. - Seasonal considerations. ## What about washing my face? It’s a good idea to cleanse your face twice a day. If you put on a lotion in the morning, it makes sense that you would want to rinse it off in the evening. Doing so allows you to remove the product, plus debris that has accumulated on your dermis. But here is the thing – **don’t use soap**. That’s because soap will dry your skin out and cause tiny lines and wrinkles. Instead, opt for a facial cleanser designed to c moisturize. Probably the best product for cleansing is made by the folks at Cetaphil. They make a daily face cleanser that’s good for normal to oily skin. Dermatologist recommended, the product goes on light. I’ve been using it for years and can tell you it’s great for your skin. You can pick this up at most drug stores. [Check Amazon as well](http://amzn.to/2BLPHXs). ## Should I consider a mask? Guys, I’m going to come right out and say it. **Yes**, **you should also use a mask**. It’s important to think of skin care as routine and not one specific activity. Using a mask should be part of your skin care ritual. Nowadays, many companies make masks that are designed for men. Some help to moisturize. Others plump. And still, others deliver collagen to the dermal layer and reduce the appearance of wrinkles. To learn more, visit this page on [the best face masks for men](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/). ## Men’s face moisturizer stereotypes One of the crappy things about using men’s moisturizers and other grooming products are the stereotypes. While things are getting better, it’s still an issue. While I can’t list them all, here are a few that need to be dispelled. Remember, what appears below is complete BS. - If you moisturize, you make your face look more feminine. - Real men don’t use moisturizing products - You can’t be rugged and use a face cream - [Men with green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) have naturally moist skin - Only white guys need to moisturize - Only black men need to moisturize - If you have oily skin, you don’t need a moisturizer - Male celebrities don’t use grooming products - Moisturizing causes acne - Using your girlfriends face cream is good enough - There’s nothing you can do for [dark circles and bags](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) ## Men’s face moisturizer poll Just for fun, I’m posting a poll below to see just how many of you moisturize. Be sure to chime in with your vote. It’s completely anonymous. \[poll id=”23″\] ## Bringing it all together The decision to use a moisturizer on your face is probably one of the smartest things you can do to look your best. Let’s be honest – the first thing people notice about you is your face. Here’s a recap of **why men need to use a face moisurizer.** - **Hydration**: Prevents water loss, maintaining skin health and preventing dryness, flakiness, and irritation. - **Anti-Aging**: Contains antioxidants, vitamins, and peptides to combat signs of aging, such as fine lines and wrinkles. - **Skin Barrier Function**: Supports the skin’s natural barrier function, protecting against environmental stressors and pollutants. - **Preventing Dryness and Irritation**: Soothes the skin, especially after shaving, preventing post-shave dryness and discomfort. - **Sun Protection**: Some moisturizers include SPF, providing additional defense against harmful UV rays. - **Improving Skin Texture**: Contributes to smoother and softer skin, beneficial for those with dry or rough skin. - **Healthier-Looking Skin**: Moisturized skin appears healthier, more radiant, and can have a more even tone. It’s important to choose a moisturizer based on individual skin type and specific concerns for optimal skincare benefits. If you are looking for more grooming tips, check out my [men’s grooming page with 101 suggestions](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/). I hope you found the material presented useful. Never feel ashamed for wanting to be as attractive as possible. Thanks for stopping by! References: Shuster, S., Black, M., & McVitie, E. (1975, December). *The influence of age and sex on skin thickness, skin collagen and density*. Retrieved from British Journal of Dermatology: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1365-2133.1975.tb05113.x/full Zivkovic, B. (2011, August 20). *BIO101 – Protein Synthesis: Transcription and Translation*. Retrieved from Scientific American: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/a-blog-around-the-clock/bio101-protein-synthesis-transcription-and-translation/ Photo credits: Main photo: Ryan Farber (Instagram) **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** cream, dry skin, face, lotion, Moisturizer, Oily Skin, spf --- ### [25 Top Grain Leather Wallet Choices For Men](https://guycounseling.com/leather-wallet-choices-men/) **Published:** July 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![leather wallets for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/wallets.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "Leather wallet choices guys will love")Leather wallet choices for guys Table of Contents Toggle - [Top Grain Leather Wallet Choices for Guys](#Top_Grain_Leather_Wallet_Choices_for_Guys) - [Quick Wallet Story](#Quick_Wallet_Story) - [Why Top Grain Leather Wallets?](#Why_Top_Grain_Leather_Wallets) - [Types of Leather Wallets](#Types_of_Leather_Wallets) - [How to Pick a Leather Wallet](#How_to_Pick_a_Leather_Wallet) - [Don’t Make These Mistakes](#Dont_Make_These_Mistakes) - [25 Best Leather Wallet Options for Men](#25_Best_Leather_Wallet_Options_for_Men) - [MEN’S BIFOLD WALLETS](#MENS_BIFOLD_WALLETS) - [1. Alpine Swiss Leather Billfold](#1_Alpine_Swiss_Leather_Billfold) - [2. Tommy Hilfiger Men’s Ranger](#2_Tommy_Hilfiger_Mens_Ranger) - [3. Levi’s Slimfold with Extra Capacity](#3_Levis_Slimfold_with_Extra_Capacity) - [4. Polare Men’s Italian Wallet \[RFID\]](#4_Polare_Mens_Italian_Wallet_RFID) - [5. House of Jack Classic Men’s Bifold](#5_House_of_Jack_Classic_Mens_Bifold) - [SPORTS WALLETS](#SPORTS_WALLETS) - [6. Nike Basic](#6_Nike_Basic) - [7. Realtree Trifold Camo](#7_Realtree_Trifold_Camo) - [8. Timberland Men’s Trifold](#8_Timberland_Mens_Trifold) - [9. Itslife Men’s RFID Blocking Leather Zipper](#9_Itslife_Mens_RFID_Blocking_Leather_Zipper) - [10. Big Skinny Leather Bifold](#10_Big_Skinny_Leather_Bifold) - [TRAVEL WALLETS](#TRAVEL_WALLETS) - [11. Leather Passport Holder](#11_Leather_Passport_Holder) - [12 Slim ID Holder Pocket Wallet](#12_Slim_ID_Holder_Pocket_Wallet) - [13. Leather Travel Wallet for Passport](#13_Leather_Travel_Wallet_for_Passport) - [14. Leather Money Clip Credit Card Wallet](#14_Leather_Money_Clip_Credit_Card_Wallet) - [15. Mt. Everest RFID Trifold](#15_Mt_Everest_RFID_Trifold) - [SLIM WALLETS](#SLIM_WALLETS) - [16. Axess Minimalist Leather](#16_Axess_Minimalist_Leather) - [17. Calvin Klien Leather Bookfold](#17_Calvin_Klien_Leather_Bookfold) - [18. SimpacX Mini Leather](#18_SimpacX_Mini_Leather) - [19. Woogwin’s Men’s Vintage Leather Slim](#19_Woogwins_Mens_Vintage_Leather_Slim) - [20. Armani Exchange Men’s Saffiano](#20_Armani_Exchange_Mens_Saffiano) - [TRIFOLD WALLET](#TRIFOLD_WALLET) - [21. Stealth Trifold](#21_Stealth_Trifold) - [22. Lethnic Slim Leather Money Clip](#22_Lethnic_Slim_Leather_Money_Clip) - [23. Docker’s Brown Trifold](#23_Dockers_Brown_Trifold) - [24. Kenneth Cole Reaction](#24_Kenneth_Cole_Reaction) - [25. Carhartt Brown Leather Trifold](#25_Carhartt_Brown_Leather_Trifold) - [Fake Leather vs. Synthetic](#Fake_Leather_vs_Synthetic) - [Caring for Your Leather Wallet](#Caring_for_Your_Leather_Wallet) - [When To Replace Your Wallet](#When_To_Replace_Your_Wallet) - [Myths About Leather](#Myths_About_Leather) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Top Grain Leather Wallet Choices for Guys Searching for **top grain men’s leather wallets**? Hoping to find something that is both practical and stylish? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Just like colognes, wallets are a dime a dozen. When chosen correctly, the right one feels comfortable and molds to your behind. But when the wrong one is picked, they can look awkward and feel lumpy. Speaking for myself, I’ve always been a fan of wallets. There’s just something about their square, masculine shape that I dig. Some are brown. Others are black. And every so often, you’ll even see a few that look red. As I write this piece, I’m reminded of a something that recently happened to me involving a wallet. Allow to briefly share with you. ![leather wallets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/leather-wallets-for-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Genuine leather is important ## Quick Wallet Story Not long ago, I was at Washington’s Reagan National Airport on a trip back to Chicago. As I stood in line and waited for my turn to be called up to the podium, I noticed the guy in front of me was having a hell of a time pulling his wallet from his jeans. When he finally dislodged it, all of the contents flew into the air. I’m talking about his credit cards, frequent flyer info, and personal identification. Instinctively, I began helping him pick up everything that had fallen out. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate you giving me a hand. I think it’s time I get a new wallet,” he said. I told him it was no big deal. As he quickly stuffed cards back into his trifold, I could see his wallet was in serious disrepair. “Who knows, maybe I’ll get a new one for Christmas,” he mused. Moments later, he was in front of the ticket agent. No harm no foul but the incident inspired me to look at my wallet – and pen this piece. The easiest way to have written this article would have been to mention brands with pictures. But honestly, what do you really learn from this – other than what a wallet looks like? As a reader of this blog, my sense is you want something more. That’s why I created this page using science. With the help of analytical software, I went about the business of identifying the best men’s wallets based on consumer reviews and product sales. Not too shabby, huh? I used this same approach for identifying [the best smelling colognes for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). In what follows, we’ll be covering a lot of information. I encourage you to read everything on this page so that you can make the best decision for your wallet buying needs. After all, **wallets are more than just an accessory**. They become molded to your body and in many ways are a kind of defacto appendage. **In this article, you will learn:** - Why leather wallets are smart choices for men. - The importance of buying a genuine leather wallet vs. a fake. - Types of wallets. - The best way to pick a men’s leather wallet - Common mistakes guys make when buying - 25 best wallet options for guys - How to care for your leather wallet - Deciding when to replace - Myths about men and wallets At the end of this page, I’ve also included a poll. It’s just for laughs and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Okay, are you ready to learn all about leather wallets? Let’s jump right in. ![leather wallet with money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/wallet-with-money.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Wallets are an extension of our person ## Why Top Grain Leather Wallets? You are going to read all sorts of information on the Internet about different kinds of wallets. Some folks will tell you that synthetic (faux) types are just as good as the real thing. Others will say you should skip leather entirely and opt for something made of nylon. Here’s my take. Leather wallets are the best choice for guys because they: 1\) Last longer. 2\) Mold to your behind better. 3\) [Vibe out rugged](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). 4\) Save money over the long-term. The problem with faux leather is the material is often made from cheap knockoffs that have the propensity to break down quickly. Depending on where it’s made, they also contains dyes that come off quickly and bleed onto clothing. Genuine leather wallets typically don’t have these types of issues. Moreover, they offer more flexibility and can shape themselves to the curvature of your butt. Not only does leather look more rugged, the money you will spend up front on costs is worth its weight in gold because the wallet itself (when given proper TLC) will last for many, many years. ![leather wallet next to ring with money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/wallet-in-brown.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Types of wallets ## Types of Leather Wallets There are basically five types of leather wallets. Some may have different compartments and storage areas but at the end of the day, there are still only five basic types. **1. Standard bifold \[billfold\] wallet** This is the standard type of wallet that you will find in most department stores and online. Its purpose is self-explanatory: to hold your folded money. The billfold sometimes has a compartment for cash, such as a divider. Others have a money clip built into the center. Almost always, they are made from soft leather. **2. Sports wallet** Designed for athletes and outdoorsman, this type of wallet is usually made from thick leather or even nylon. You’ll often see a Velcro or a zipper on some. Best for guys who active. But don’t let the name “sports” fool you – these wallets usually aren’t waterproof. **3. Travel wallet** The name gives away the purpose of this type – travel. Larger than the standard size billfold, this accessory is designed to hold passports, credit cards, and important documents for men on the go. Many international travelers use these for quick access to important materials. **4. Slim wallet** For men who want something small to hold just a few items, like personal identification, a credit card, and cash, slim wallets are designed for easy access. **5. Trifold wallet** This type of wallet is like the standard billfold except it contains three panels. They are usually bulkier because they are designed to carry more, like cash, I.D., credit cards, pass-keys and so forth. Their popularity used was on the decline but seems to be making a comeback. ![Choosing a leather wallet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/wallet-choices.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How to pick a wallet ## How to Pick a Leather Wallet The very first thing you want to determine before picking a wallet is what you will be using it for. While style is certainly important, function needs to be the central focus of your decision-making process. Some websites will recommend that you buy several types to fit your needs. But let’s be real – we’re guys – we want something simple, easy, and uncomplicated. Based on my conversations with other men, your best bet is to choose something that generally fits your lifestyle. So, for example, if you are an executive or office worker, you probably would do just fine with a standard billfold. That said, if you work outdoors or are the athletic type, a sports wallet might be your best choice. If possible, try to get your hands on the wallet before making a purchase. Here is what you’ll want to keep an eye out for: - The wallet’s material. Is it genuine leather or is it a fake? If it’s not real, keep looking at other products. - Does the dye wear off on your hands? If so, don’t buy it. - Can you see fraying or other signs that signal it’s cheap? If the answer is yes, move on to the next item. ## Don’t Make These Mistakes Before moving on to the different choices, I want to touch upon three big mistakes some men make when purchasing a wallet. Any of these sound familiar? - Thinking name brand wallets mean higher quality - Believing higher price means higher quality - Buying a wallet based on the look All the above are self-explanatory but I’ll touch on each briefly. First, just because a designer company slaps their name on a wallet doesn’t mean the product itself is [quality](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1007826818206) (Bone & France, 2001). Many companies farm out production of these accessories contract for the cheapest material possible. While it may be cool to see a brand name logo when you whip out your billfold, it doesn’t mean the product itself will last long. Second, don’t be fooled into thinking that a high-priced wallet equals high quality. It doesn’t. Some of the longest lasting, durable wallets I’ve ever seen had a price point of less than $25.00. Finally, most wallets are created to look attractive. There’s nothing wrong with this per se, however, as the old saying goes, appearances can be deceiving. ![Looking at wallet options](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-3.jpg?resize=587%2C368&ssl=1)Check out the wallet options ## 25 Best Leather Wallet Options for Men What follows are the 25 best wallet options based on science. Remember, I conducted a meta-analysis using sales and customer reviews as part of my analysis. Obviously, rankings are going to change over time so what you see below isn’t etched in stone. When possible, I’ve included a narrative under the wallet for additional insight. The wallets are categorized according to the five types I’ve mentioned above. As a matter of full disclosure, the link you see goes to Amazon; a website that I am an affiliate. ## MEN’S BIFOLD WALLETS [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/alpine-swiss.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2FrG1od) ## 1. Alpine Swiss Leather Billfold If you are looking for a traditional leather wallet with a classic look, this billfold is an amazing choice. I use this one and have it on me most of the time. Clean lines with masculine vibe. Carries most things men require, like ID’s, credit cards, and money. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2FrG1od) [![tommy hilfiger leather wallets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/tommy-hig-ranger1.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2Ft09Gy) ## 2. Tommy Hilfiger Men’s Ranger Looking for something that’s slick but classic? Do you like wallets that have room to carry your stuff but aren’t bulky? Then you may want to consider Tommy Hilfiger’s Men’s Ranger. Clean corners, genuine leather, and way cool. [Check Amazon for prices](http://amzn.to/2Ft09Gy) [![levi wallets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/levis-leather-wallet.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2FuhNcX) ## 3. Levi’s Slimfold with Extra Capacity If you are a fan of brown leather wallets, you may want to check out this fella from Levi’s. Rugged and masculine, this one has plenty of space to tuck in required items. Also has a see-through visor for your driver’s license. [Check Amazon for price ](http://amzn.to/2FuhNcX) [![italian leather wallet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/polare.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](4.%20Polare%20Men’s%20Italian%20Wallet%20%5BRFID%5D%20Excellent%20choice%20for%20the%20man%20looking%20to%20get%20something%20traditional.%20Made%20from%20genuine%20cowhide%20leather,%20the%20wallet%20will%20eventually%20form%20to%20your%20bum.%20This%20fella%20also%20protects%20your%20identify%20through%20RFID%20technology%20–%20meaning%20items%20inside%20can’t%20be%20wirelessly%20scanned.%20Black%20or%20brown.%20Visit%20Amazon%20for%20price%20) ## 4. Polare Men’s Italian Wallet \[RFID\] Excellent choice for the man looking to get something traditional. Made from genuine cowhide leather, the wallet will eventually form to your bum. This fella also protects your identify through RFID technology – meaning items inside can’t be wirelessly scanned. Black or brown. [Visit Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2CmgL46) [![vintage leather wallets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/house-of-jack1.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2F05w2h) ## 5. House of Jack Classic Men’s Bifold Terrific choice for guys who like the look of aged leather. Super masculine look with lots of compartments for your personal items. Handcrafted from grain leather. Most guys will find this to be useful for everyday use, including business or leisure. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2F05w2h) ## SPORTS WALLETS [![sports wallets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Copy-of-nike-basic.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2BOjFNY) ## 6. Nike Basic Looking for something durable that does the job? Need something that will hold your things and won’t come out? Spend time outdoors or just an active guy? This little dude might be just what you need. Trifold design. Not made from leather. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2BOjFNY) [![camo wallets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/real-tree.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2HKqpgv) ## 7. Realtree Trifold Camo If you are fond of the outdoors, identify as a hunter or just want something that looks unique, you might want to look at the camo wallet from Realtree. It’s leather inside and out. Lots of room for your valuables. [Look at Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2HKqpgv) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/timberland1.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2BNXsj2) ## 8. Timberland Men’s Trifold This is also an excellent choice for active men or guys who spend time outdoors. Made from nylon, the trifold canvas fabric vibes out a manly look. Velcro helps to keep the wallet shut and belongings tightly secured. [Visit Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2BNXsj2) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/its-life.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2Fu3hSG) ## 9. Itslife Men’s RFID Blocking Leather Zipper This wallet couples as a sports wallet and a travel wallet. Made from tanned leather, it has a massive amount of room for all of your belongings. Plus, he zips up to keep everything nice and secure. Might be worth exploring. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2Fu3hSG) [![skinny leather wallets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/big-skinny.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2BO4Uux) ## 10. Big Skinny Leather Bifold The unique shape of this wallet is worth looking at just for fun. What I like about it is how the thing can hold up to 20 cards and still be so compact. And yep, it is made from leather. Great for active guys or any man looking for something with a high degree of utility. [Check Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2BO4Uux) ## TRAVEL WALLETS [![leather passport holder](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/leatherpassport-holder.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2oUvJ94) ## 11. Leather Passport Holder This is the type of leather product you would use when traveling overseas. It will hold your passport, credit cards, ID’s, and other credentials with ease. No, it’s not a wallet but it essentially acts as one for men going out of the country that require something substantial to hold documentation. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2oUvJ94) [![slim money carrier for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/slim-id-pocket-wallet.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2GGDmq8) ## 12 Slim ID Holder Pocket Wallet I like this one because it is designed for the guy who frequently travels – domestic or international. Made from top grain leather, it has clean lines and strong stitching. RFID blocking as well to keep your personal information safe. [Check out Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2GGDmq8) [![passport leather wallet for travel](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/leather-travel-wallet-passpport.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2CHso1d) ## 13. Leather Travel Wallet for Passport This guy won’t exactly slip into your back pocket but it will slide into your front one, depending upon the type of pants you are wearing. I’ve used this one and I like it a lot because it holds my passport, ID’s, credit cards, plus other items. Moreover, it just looks really cool! Need a passport wallet? This might be a smart choice. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2CHso1d) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/full-grain-money-clip.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2CHt3zJ) ## 14. Leather Money Clip Credit Card Wallet Yep, this one can be used as a travel wallet and for just about any other purpose. Sleek in design, the genuine crazy horse leather offers plenty of space to hold everything you need. I like the money clip that’s built inside because it [vibes out rugged man](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). [Head to Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2CHt3zJ) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/mt-everest-trifold1.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2BQk9mz) ## 15. Mt. Everest RFID Trifold This is another great choice for the guy looking for a wallet that can be used for travel and for everyday use. RFID blocking features makes sure your information is safe. Made from pebble grain soft leather. More than enough slots to hold credit cards and ID’s. [Visit Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2BQk9mz) ## SLIM WALLETS [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/axcess-1.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2ER8MJL) ## 16. Axess Minimalist Leather Want something stylish and sleek that will grab on to essential ID’s and credit cards? Looking for top quality leather? Then you’ll want to check out the minimalist wallet from Axess. Made from Tuscan Italian leather, it’s a real looker! [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2ER8MJL) [![calvin klien wallets for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/calvin-k.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2ETXc0R) ## 17. Calvin Klien Leather Bookfold Extra slim and compact, this wallet is perfect for slipping into your blazer, back pocket or front pocket. Perfect for the guy who likes going minimal. Made from 100% genuine leather. Can be hard to get your hands on this one because it is popular. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2ETXc0R) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/simpacx.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2GGSmEC) ## 18. SimpacX Mini Leather A buddy of mine got this as a gift from his girlfriend because she thought it was cute. But the truth is, the wallet itself is very well-made and masculine. Compact, it holds the basics for being out and about. RFID blocking too. [Visit Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2GGSmEC) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/woogwins.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2HJ5YAw) ## 19. Woogwin’s Men’s Vintage Leather Slim Want something that is old school traditional but sleek at the same time. This very nice wallet from the folks at Woogin’s could be exactly what you are looking for. Durable and lightweight, it is made from genuine leather. Handmade. Great choice for going basic. [Check out Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2HJ5YAw) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/armani.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2FvdQoC) ## 20. Armani Exchange Men’s Saffiano A very nice choice for the man looking for traditional, sleek, and elegant – all wrapped up into one. You will be able to hold the basics in this guy and feel confident knowing it is in style when you pull it out. [Visit Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2FvdQoC) ## **TRIFOLD WALLET** [![best leather wallets for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/stealth.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2GIEZ6N) ## 21. Stealth Trifold This is a very good choice for any man looking for a slim, brown leather wallet. I like it because it looks really nice and because it has the RFID technology to keep private information secure. Made from genuine crazy horse lather. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2GIEZ6N) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/slim-leather-clip.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2CGxWcf) ## 22. Lethnic Slim Leather Money Clip I’ll admit, this wallet may not be for everyone. Not because of the way it looks – the thing is super stylish. But it doesn’t hold much more than a few cards. That said, it does include a clip that keeps your money secure. High grade leather is used. [Visit Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2CGxWcf) [![dockers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/dockers-trifold.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2EQlCvU) ## 23. Docker’s Brown Trifold This is a well-made wallet that is classic in design. The three panels will hold all that you need, like ID’s, credit cards, and good old cash. Coated leather and soft to touch, you may want to consider this guy for basic, everyday needs. Oh, it’s RFID too! [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2EQlCvU) [![kenneth cole](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/kenneth-cole1.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2HLAIRh) ## 24. Kenneth Cole Reaction You may find this one to be exactly to your liking. It’s made from real leather, black in color, and had the classic trifold design. It’s also embossed with the company’s name on it – which some may find attractive. Great for use anywhere and at any time because it will never go out of style. [Check out Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2HLAIRh) [![traditional, vintage leather wallet ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/carhartt-wallet.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2oTdAZm) ## 25. Carhartt Brown Leather Trifold Want a rugged, manly wallet that will last for years? Need something to hold all of your important items in a stylish way? If so, this could be a smart, traditional pick. Personally, I think it’s one of the best on the market. Looks great when you pull it out or leave it sitting on a nightstand. [Visit Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2oTdAZm) ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/wood-leather-wallpaper.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Fake or real – what’s the smart choice? ## Fake Leather vs. Synthetic Many guys wonder if choosing a wallet made from synthetic material is OK. You will hear many different things around the web but in my experience, faux leather doesn’t last nearly as long as real leather. Moreover, synthetic materials tend to give away the fact they aren’t the real deal over the course of time. As mentioned earlier, the dye has a way of coming off the fake ones – rather quickly. Obviously, the decision is yours. ![caring for your leather wallet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/caring-for-your-wallet.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Caring for your trifold or bifold ## Caring for Your Leather Wallet When you purchase leather products, particularly ones made from high-grade material, you’ll want to occasionally clean them for the purpose of preservation. The reality is over time, the leather itself will dry out and crack. Some even take on an unpleasant odor as they age. OK – let’s take do a quick walkthrough **What You Will Need** - Four cotton cloths (3-4) - Moisturizing hand soap - Leather conditioner **First Step: Quick Hand Wipe** This point may seem obvious but I am mentioning all the same. Remove all contents from your wallet. The reason is simple. You don’t want any cleaning materials coming into contact with important items, like ID’s or credit cards. Take one of the cloths and gently wipe the leather to remove debris and dust. Doing so helps dislodge tiny granules that can scratch the material. To simplify this step, you may want to consider buying a specially designed leather cleaning kit that comes with the cleaner and cloth. Personally, I like the product from Weiman ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2oEvLkJ)). **Second Step: Moisturizing Soap** Part two of the cleaning process involves moisturizing the leather. Take a clean cloth and get it wet with a little lukewarm water. Put a tiny amount of moisturizing soap on both sides of the cloth and rub together. Your goal is to make tiny suds. Using circular motions, work your way from the center of the wallet outwards. Be sure to do both sides. If you are cleaning the inside of your wallet, take care. That’s because the innards may not have treated leather. When you are done, take a new cloth and dampen it with warm water. Then, use the cloth to wipe up excess soap. Be sure to do a decent job because left over soap can cause cracking. After this part is completed, place your wallet on a dry surface, away from the sun. Personally, I use a workbench and place mine on a paper towel. Whatever you choose, leave the wallet sit for around 15-minutes. **Step Three: Apply a Leather Conditioner** Once your wallet is completely dry, you’ll want to apply a high-quality leather conditioner. You will find many on the market. Personally, I use one made by the folks at Trinova. See my [page on Leather wristbands](http://amzn.to/2oEvLkJ) to learn more. Most all conditioners work the same. You place a few drops on the material and gently rub in, taking care not to apply too much pressure. When you are done, let the wallet dry for another fifteen minutes so that the product has a chance to fully absorb. **Bonus Tip** Once or twice a month, it doesn’t hurt to take a dry cloth and wipe down your wallet to remove debris. ## When To Replace Your Wallet Most men become attached to their wallets. As mentioned earlier in this piece, they become a kind of appendage. But at some point, all wallets go to heaven. Some signs that that it is time to replace your little friend include: - Excessive scratching - Badly frayed material - Rips and tears - Thinning of the material - Inside of wallet no longer “grasps” your id’s or cards ## Myths About Leather Believe it or not, there are myths concerning leather. Most of them are the stuff of urban legend. Let’s take a look at a few of the biggies. - Leather is difficult to clean - You can’t expose leather to sunlight - The more expensive the material, the longer it lasts - Cowhide and lamb are the same Leather wallets cause back problems I thought it might be kind of fun to see what types of wallets guys prefer most. Above you will find a poll. This is not a scientific tool so consider the results for their entertainment value only. if you can’t see the poll, click on this [secure link](http://poll.fm/5xddj). ## Wrap Up The decision to buy a new wallet to hold your man-stuff is deeply personal. Most guys take their time with the selection process and consider their lifestyle as part of the dynamic. Hopefully, you found the information shared on this page useful. Thanks for stopping by. — **References:** Bone, P., & France, K. (2001, March). *Package Graphics and Consumer Product Beliefs*. Retrieved from Journal of Business Psychology: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1007826818206 **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** wallet --- ### [17 Best Podcasts for Anxiety and Depression](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) **Published:** August 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** **Editor’s Note:** This guide was reviewed and updated for 2026. It now includes 17 podcasts, with current shows, helpful archives, and clear notes where a program has concluded. ![best self-help podcasts for anxiety and depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/podcasts-anxiety-depression.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Self-Help Podcasts Table of Contents Toggle - [17 Best Self-Help Podcasts for Anxiety and Depression For Listening](#17_Best_Self-Help_Podcasts_for_Anxiety_and_Depression_For_Listening) - [1. Men’s Self-Help Podcast](#1_Mens_Self-Help_Podcast) - [2. The Anxious Truth](#2_The_Anxious_Truth) - [3. The Hardcore Self-Help Podcast](#3_The_Hardcore_Self-Help_Podcast) - [4. SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford](#4_SelfWork_with_Dr_Margaret_Rutherford) - [5. Terrible, Thanks For Asking](#5_Terrible_Thanks_For_Asking) - [6. Not Another Anxiety Show](#6_Not_Another_Anxiety_Show) - [7. TherapyLab](#7_TherapyLab) - [8. The OCD Stories](#8_The_OCD_Stories) - [9. Popcorn Psychology](#9_Popcorn_Psychology) - [10. Recovery Unscripted](#10_Recovery_Unscripted) - [11. Depresh Mode with John Moe](#11_Depresh_Mode_with_John_Moe) - [12. The Psychology Podcast](#12_The_Psychology_Podcast) - [13. Sexology](#13_Sexology) - [14. The Anxiety Guy](#14_The_Anxiety_Guy) - [15. Calmer You](#15_Calmer_You) - [16. Your Anxiety Toolkit](#16_Your_Anxiety_Toolkit) - [17. Therapy in a Nutshell](#17_Therapy_in_a_Nutshell) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) ## 17 Best Self-Help Podcasts for Anxiety and Depression For Listening Looking for a self-help podcast that offers practical information about anxiety, depression, emotional wellness, or personal growth? The right show can provide useful ideas, encouragement, and a sense that you are not alone. The challenge is finding something credible and genuinely helpful. Podcast apps contain thousands of programs, and a show’s title does not always make its focus clear. This updated guide brings together 17 podcasts covering anxiety recovery, depression, OCD, therapy, relationships, addiction, and everyday coping skills. Most are available through Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or the show’s website. One of the recommendations is my own podcast, so consider that my shameless—but transparent—plug. Podcasts can be excellent educational tools, but they are not a replacement for therapy, medical care, or crisis support. With that in mind, here are 17 self-help podcasts worth exploring. ## [![men's self help podcast](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/mens-self-help-podcast-fortherapy-insights.png?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031)1. Men’s Self-Help Podcast The Men’s Self-Help Podcast focuses on emotional wellness, motivation, relationships, confidence, and the challenges men often find difficult to discuss openly. I personally script and host each episode. Many shows also include a listener message about a relatable life problem, followed by practical, solution-focused guidance. The podcast is created primarily for men, although many of the topics have broad relevance. [Available on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET). I’m the show’s host, Dr. John Moore. [The Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031) ## 2. The Anxious Truth If you struggle with panic attacks, agoraphobia, or anxiety that keeps you from living your life, this is one of the most respected shows in the space. Host Drew Linsalata is a therapist who’s been through his own anxiety recovery, and it shows in how directly he talks about avoidance, reassurance-seeking, and what actual recovery requires. The show has been featured by The New York Times and Vogue as one of the go-to podcasts for anxiety, and with well over 300 episodes, there’s a deep archive to work through. [Listen to The Anxious Truth](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-anxious-truth-a-panic-anxiety-and-mental-health-podcast/id968638424) ## 3. The Hardcore Self-Help Podcast If you’re looking for a straightforward, no-nonsense approach to mental health challenges, you might want to give this show a try. Speaking for myself, I can tell you that I’m a subscriber and listen to every episode. Hosted by neuropsychologist Dr. Robert Duff, you’ll dive deep into a variety of issues ranging from anxiety to depression to relationships (plus a lot more). [Listen to the Hardcore Self-Help Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-hardcore-self-help-podcast-with-duff-the-psych/id1094120819) [![mental health podcasts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/self-work.jpg?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/selfwork-dr-margaret-rutherford-mental-health-depression/id1166015598) ## 4. SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford SelfWork explores anxiety, depression, relationships, perfectionism, emotional health, and the patterns people often hide from others. Dr. Margaret Rutherford has a warm, down-to-earth style and explains complicated psychological ideas without making the listener feel lectured. Many episodes feature listener questions or concerns. Although some topics are framed with women in mind, the insights often have much wider relevance. [Listen to SelfWork](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/selfwork-dr-margaret-rutherford-mental-health-depression/id1166015598) ## 5. Terrible, Thanks For Asking Sometimes, laughter really is the best medicine. That’s why I like the podcast, “Terrible, Thanks For Asking.” The host of the program — Nora McInerny — encourages listeners to be upfront and unashamed about their mental health challenges. There’s lots of banter interwoven with the reality of depression, anxiety, and other life challenges. If you want something to lighten your day, this podcast may be exactly what you need. [Listen to Terrible, Thanks For Asking](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/terrible-thanks-for-asking/id1126119288) ## 6. Not Another Anxiety Show Not Another Anxiety Show offers practical discussions about anxiety, panic, stress, and the physical sensations that often accompany them. The podcast is hosted by Kelli Walker, a registered nurse and wellness coach. Her conversational style makes the material approachable for listeners who want coping ideas without overly clinical language. [Listen to Not Another Anxiety Show](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/not-another-anxiety-show/id1175495815) [![psychology podcasts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/therapy-lab-logo.jpg?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://harleytherapy.com/therapylab) ## 7. TherapyLab TherapyLab explores how therapy works, what different approaches involve, and how people experience the process of emotional change. Hosted by psychotherapist Dr. Sheri Jacobson, the archive includes conversations about mental health, wellbeing, and different therapeutic perspectives. It is a useful choice for listeners who are curious about what happens inside the therapy room. [Listen to TherapyLab](https://harleytherapy.com/therapylab) ## 8. The OCD Stories Hosted by Stuart Ralph, The OCD Stories takes a close look at the world of obsessive-compulsive disorder through the lens of people who have it and the clinicians who treat it. This show is particularly interesting to me because I have OCD and have been open about this for many years. If you’re looking for an informative program that truly educates, consider giving this one a shot. [Listen to The OCD Stories](https://theocdstories.com/) ## 9. Popcorn Psychology I stumbled across this show a while back and was very impressed. The hosts are a trio of licensed therapists who examine movies and characters through the lens of psychology. If you’re looking for something fun but nerdy at the same time, you’ll truly dig this podcast. Well, at least I do. Sometimes it’s good to look at our humanity through film. [Listen to Popcorn Psychology](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/popcorn-psychology/id1367195038) [![addiction podcasts self improvement](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/recovery.jpg?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://foundationsrecoverynetwork.com/recovery-unscripted-podcast/) ## 10. Recovery Unscripted Recovery Unscripted focuses on addiction treatment, mental health care, recovery, and the people working on the front lines of these issues. Host David Condos speaks with clinicians, advocates, and people with lived experience. The episode archive offers firsthand stories and professional perspectives that may be encouraging for people in recovery and those who support them. [Listen to Recovery Unscripted](https://foundationsrecoverynetwork.com/recovery-unscripted-podcast/) ## 11. Depresh Mode with John Moe Depresh Mode is the successor to the long-running “Hilarious World of Depression,” and it carries on the same spirit under the same host, John Moe. Comedians, musicians, authors, and other public figures join John for honest, occasionally funny, conversations about living with depression, anxiety, and other common mental health conditions. What sets it apart is the mix of humor and candor — it never trivializes the subject, but it also refuses to treat depression as something that can’t be discussed with a laugh along the way. [Listen to Depresh Mode with John Moe](https://maximumfun.org/podcasts/depresh-mode/) ## 12. The Psychology Podcast Worth noting: after 11 years and 478 episodes, host Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman recently wrapped up this show’s current run. It’s no longer producing new episodes, but the full archive remains available and is genuinely one of the richest catalogs in the space — deep, thoughtful conversations on psychology, creativity, and human potential with guests ranging from researchers to authors. If you’re looking for a show that’s educational, informative, and thought-provoking, the back catalog alone is worth exploring. [Listen to the Psychology Podcast archive](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-psychology-podcast/id942777522) Archive note: The show concluded in 2025 after 478 episodes, but the complete back catalog remains available. [![mental health intimacy podcasts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/sexology.jpg?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexology/id1193611459) ## 13. Sexology As the show’s title suggests, this podcast is all about intimacy. The connection to mental health, including anxiety and depression, comes through in episodes that focus on how these issues can impact things happening (or not happening) in the bedroom. Hosted by sex therapist Dr. Nazanin Moali, this one may not be suitable for all listeners given the subject matter, but if you’re looking for something insightful and different, it’s worth a shot. [Listen to Sexology](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexology/id1193611459) ## 14. The Anxiety Guy The Anxiety Guy focuses on fear, panic, worry, health anxiety, and the habits that can keep anxiety going. Hosted by Dennis Simsek, the show offers personal insights and coping ideas drawn from his own experience with anxiety recovery. Listeners should treat the material as educational guidance rather than individualized clinical care. [Listen to The Anxiety Guy](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-anxiety-guy-podcast/id1080900600) ## 15. Calmer You Calmer You explores anxiety, confidence, stress, self-criticism, and ways to feel more grounded in everyday life. The show is hosted by Chloe Brotheridge, a hypnotherapist and author of *The Anxiety Solution*. Episodes combine interviews and practical discussions about moving forward when worry or self-doubt feels difficult to manage. [Listen to Calmer You](https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-calmer-you-podcast/id1330001815) ## 16. Your Anxiety Toolkit Hosted by Kimberley Quinlan, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in anxiety and OCD, this show is refreshingly practical — each episode tends to pick one specific problem (social anxiety, perfectionism-driven burnout, the depression spiral that follows a panic attack) and walks through science-backed strategies you can start using right away, without a lot of throat-clearing first. With hundreds of episodes and a large, dedicated following, it’s a strong pick if you want tools over theory. [Listen to Your Anxiety Toolkit](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-anxiety-toolkit-anxiety-and-ocd-strategies-for/id1128887350) ## 17. Therapy in a Nutshell Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist who condenses therapy skills and psychological research into short, digestible episodes. The mission is straightforward: make real, research-backed mental health tools accessible without needing a clinical background to understand them. It’s a great pick if you want practical, bite-sized guidance you can actually put to use the same day. [Listen to Therapy in a Nutshell](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/therapy-in-a-nutshell-podcast/id1585661417) ## Wrap Up These 17 podcasts represent only a small part of what is available, but each offers a useful starting point for learning more about anxiety, depression, recovery, relationships, or emotional wellness. Sample a few episodes and pay attention to whether the host’s style and approach feel useful to you. A podcast can offer education, validation, and practical tools, but it should complement—not replace—professional support when symptoms are significantly affecting your life. For a broader mix of mental health, fitness, relationships, money, science, and entertainment, see our guide to the [50 best podcasts for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/). ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What is the best podcast for anxiety and depression? It depends on what you’re looking for. For practical, evidence-based tools, Your Anxiety Toolkit and The Anxious Truth are strong picks. For a mix of humor and honesty, Terrible, Thanks For Asking and Depresh Mode with John Moe are excellent. There’s no single “best” — the right show depends on your style and what you’re dealing with. ### Can a podcast replace therapy? No. Podcasts can offer information, validation, and coping tools, but they are not a substitute for working with a licensed mental health professional, especially when symptoms are significantly affecting daily life. ### Are these podcasts free to listen to? Most of the shows on this list offer free episodes through Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or the show’s website. Some may also offer paid extras, subscriptions, courses, coaching, or ad-free feeds. ### What happened to some of the podcasts from earlier versions of this list? Some shows featured in earlier versions of this guide ended, changed names, or stopped publishing regularly. Where appropriate, the list now identifies a successor, a current alternative, or an archive that remains worth hearing. **Categories:** Mind, News, Podcasts, Reviews **Tags:** Anxiety, anxiety podcasts, Depression, depression podcasts, Mental Health, mental health podcasts, Podcasts, Self-Help, Self-Improvement --- ### [There’s Something in the Nothing - Why Men Struggle with Stillness](https://guycounseling.com/quiet-mind-turn-your-brain-off/) **Published:** August 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![ma turning off his brain and quieting his mind ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/man-relaxing-being-ok-with-something-in-the-nothing-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable it can be to simply sit in silence? No television humming in the background. No podcasts. No scrolling through feeds. No notifications pinging on your desk. Just… quiet. For many men, those moments don’t feel peaceful—they feel surprisingly agitated. Instead of relaxing, we instinctively reach for our phones, turn on a video, or find another task to occupy our attention. If this sounds familiar, you aren’t alone. And more importantly, you aren’t broken. That sudden urge to reach for a distraction isn’t a lack of discipline; it’s a conditioned response to modern life. ## Why Quiet Feels So Uncomfortable We live in a culture built on relentless stimulation: - Breaking news alerts and work emails - Social media feeds designed for dopamine hits - Family obligations and constant task lists By the time evening rolls around, your brain has processed thousands of micro-demands for your attention. Over time, your nervous system adapts to this noise and begins to expect constant input. When that input suddenly stops, silence feels wrong. You might feel fidgety, restless, or slightly anxious. **The problem isn’t the silence—the problem is that your brain has forgotten how to be still.** ## Your Brain’s Internal Alarm System Deep inside the brain lies the **amygdala**, the center responsible for survival and processing emotions. Think of it as your internal smoke alarm. When it detects threat, it prepares your body to fight, flee, or freeze. The challenge? Your amygdala doesn’t distinguish well between an actual physical threat and modern daily stress. A passive-aggressive email, a tense conversation, or an overwhelming workload all trigger a micro-threat response. When these accumulate throughout the day, your nervous system remains stuck in a low-grade, persistent state of high alert. When you finally sit down to “relax,” your body is still primed for action. That’s why genuine calm can feel so foreign. ## The Science of Doing Nothing: The Default Mode Network When neuroscientists studied brain activity during periods of rest, they expected to see neural activity plummet. Instead, they discovered something remarkable. When you stop focusing on a specific task and lie still, a complex collection of brain regions lights up. Scientists call this the **Default Mode Network (DMN)**. The DMN is where your brain performs critical background maintenance: - **Processing complex emotions** from earlier in the day - **Consolidating memories** and synthesizing information - **Connecting abstract ideas** and fostering creative problem-solving - **Building self-awareness** and perspective In short: **Your brain often accomplishes its most meaningful cognitive work when you stop trying to accomplish anything at all.** ## The Snow Globe Effect Picture a snow globe that’s been vigorously shaken all day long. Every email is a shake. Every social media scroll is a shake. Every meeting, notification, and deadline adds another flurry. The water stays cloudy, and you can’t see what’s inside. **Stillness gives the snow time to settle.** Only when the flurry stops do you regain mental clarity and perspective. ## A 5-Minute Daily Reset for Men You don’t need a complex 45-minute meditation routine to start retraining your nervous system. Start small: 1. **Remove the Device:** Put your phone in another room or turn it completely off. 2. **Set a Timer:** Set a simple timer for **five minutes**. 3. **Sit Quietly:** Don’t try to “force” your mind to be blank or stop thinking. 4. **Observe the Discomfort:** Simply notice what happens. If you feel restless, that’s fine—that is the exact mechanism working. That minor discomfort isn’t a sign that you’re doing it wrong; **it’s the physical feeling of your nervous system learning that quiet is safe again.** ## Listen to the Full Episode In Episode 47 of *The Men’s Self-Help Podcast*, **“There’s Something in the Nothing,”** we dive deeper into the mechanics of brain stillness, how to navigate the initial discomfort of quiet, and practical ways to build daily mental resets into a busy schedule. ## Final Thoughts We are conditioned to believe productivity is measured by constant output and perpetual motion. But real mental strength requires recovery. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do for your focus, stress levels, and emotional clarity… is absolutely nothing. Because there *is* something waiting in the nothing. You just have to get quiet enough to hear it. ### Related Articles & Resources - [What to Do When You’re Spiraling](https://guycounseling.com/what-to-do-when-youre-spiraling/) - [A Healthy Morning Routine That Actually Works](https://guycounseling.com/healthy-morning-routine-that-works/) - [Thought Court: A Simple CBT Exercise for Men](https://guycounseling.com/thought-court-cbt-exercise/) - [Explore All Episodes on The Men’s Self-Help Podcast Hub](https://guycounseling.com/category/podcasts/) **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** brain science, default mode network, how to relax, men's self help podcast, men’s mental health, mindfulness for men, nervous system regulation, overthinking, quiet your mind, stress management for men --- ### [10 Things You Should Never Say at a Funeral or Wake](https://guycounseling.com/funeral-etiquette-never-say-251/) **Published:** July 23, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![funeral etiquette 10 things you never say](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/funeral.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "funeral coffin") Table of Contents Toggle - [Don’t say these things at a funeral – ever](#Dont_say_these_things_at_a_funeral_%E2%80%93_ever) - [Funeral Etiquette](#Funeral_Etiquette) - [1. Did she leave you any money?](#1_Did_she_leave_you_any_money) - [2. She had become nasty towards the end](#2_She_had_become_nasty_towards_the_end) - [3. All of us are better off he’s dead](#3_All_of_us_are_better_off_hes_dead) - [4. They are in a better place now](#4_They_are_in_a_better_place_now) - [5. I couldn’t lose my wife – you must be devastated](#5_I_couldnt_lose_my_wife_%E2%80%93_you_must_be_devastated) - [6. Now you can meet someone new](#6_Now_you_can_meet_someone_new) - [7.  I know exactly how you feel right now](#7_I_know_exactly_how_you_feel_right_now) - [8. At least your burden has been lifted](#8_At_least_your_burden_has_been_lifted) - [9. You will heal soon](#9_You_will_heal_soon) - [10. You’ll have another baby](#10_Youll_have_another_baby) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Don’t say these things at a funeral – ever Not long ago, I had the occasion to attend the funeral of a schoolmate’s wife. She passed after a lengthy battle with [alcohol-related](https://guycounseling.com/two-drinks-day-many-men/) liver disease. She was only 45. It was sad and shocking, all at the same time if that makes sense. While the events surrounding her death were certainly sad, that’s not the real focus of this post. Instead, it’s about some of the insensitive remarks made by attendees – both men and women – during final services. ## Funeral Etiquette At its core, what we’re talking about is funeral etiquette. That’s a $10.00 term used to describe the customary protocol people adhere to when attending the memorial services of the deceased. Before we dive too far in, I recognize the content on this page may make some feel uncomfortable. After all, we’re talking about the topic of death – something that is still somewhat taboo in our society. But given the nature of this website and its goal of providing answers, I figured Guy Counseling would be as good a place as any to share this material. It’s not like I haven’t written about such topics before. It wasn’t that long ago I told readers about my experience of buying a [coffin online from Costco](https://guycounseling.com/costco-coffin-review/) for my aunt. At any rate, what follows are 10 things you should **never say** at a funeral. Some of these will seem like common sense. Others may make you pause and reflect. I encourage you to read them all to gain better insight. Where possible, I’ve tried to include alternatives to help you show support. ## ![hypnosis in chicago therapist](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnosis-bridge.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 1. Did she leave you any money? This is an extremely rude question, isn’t it? But you’d be surprised how many times I’ve heard this whispered into a survivor’s ear by an attendee during a wake or funeral. Why is it important you know this? If you do require this information, does it need to be asked during final services? **Wise approach:** Don’t bring up the topic of finances at all. ## 2. She had become nasty towards the end Honestly, why is it necessary to make a personal observation like this at a funeral? Moreover, how do such comments help a family member or friend work through their pain? Sometimes, when a person is in the process of dying, they can become irritable. It’s very normal. But what’s not normal is to call a dead person out on it to their loved ones. **Wise approach:**  Find something kind to say about the deceased. If you can’t come up with anything, it’s best to not say anything at all. ## 3. All of us are better off he’s dead If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard someone make this kind of comment at a wake, I’d be rich. Well, maybe not rich but certainly well-off. Usually, people who say these types of things had a dispute with the deceased. Typically, it’s an in-law or extended family member. It really doesn’t matter. The point is it just shouldn’t be said during a funeral. **Wise approach:** Simply say the person will be missed. Even if you don’t believe it. Remember, you are there to show support. Not be a jerk. ## 4. They are in a better place now I realize this one somewhat “iffy” because many people find solace in believing in the afterlife. In fact, folks who [dream about the death](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) of a loved one will often claim they had a vision of the person going to heaven before their passing. Here’s the problem with this one. The individual who has died may very well be in a better place but those left behind are not. When you make these types of comments, you run the risk of causing survivors to feel worse. That may not be your intent but it has the same effect all the same. **Wise approach:** Simply share a pleasant memory of the deceased. This will help others recall something meaningful and encourage healing. ## 5. I couldn’t lose my wife – you must be devastated Yep, the person just lost his partner in life. He is going to be absolutely devastated. But does your reinforcing this reality help with his recovery? I get it. You want to show your support and empathy. But trying to [emotionally join](http://www.ejoncologynursing.com/article/S1462-3889(05)00065-7/abstract) the person at a funeral isn’t wise. Moreover, the loss they have experienced is about their pain and not something you may hypothetically feel. **Wise approach:** Better to say: “I recognize this is really a difficult time. I’m here for you. Anything you need – I am here.” ## ![therapist in chicago lakeview](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/forest-bridge.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## 6. Now you can meet someone new I seriously heard some bozo say this at the funeral for my buddy’s wife. I know the guy who made the comment wasn’t trying to be hurtful. Honestly, his heart was in the right place. But wow – what a messed-up thing to say. When someone is going through the grief process, you must recognize they aren’t looking to “replace” a significant other. Instead, they need to walk-through the process of loss with the love and support of others. In this way, they [bring meaning](https://guycounseling.com/wisdom-happens-work-hard-times/) to the experience. **Wise approach:** Just don’t say something like this at all. ## 7.  I know exactly how you feel right now Really, do you? Are you sure? Because last time I checked, each person’s process of grief was unique. While there may be similarities, they are never the same. Moreover, this type of comment makes the loss about you and not about the person you are there to support. Yes, your heart may be in the right place but the remark itself minimizes the feelings of another. **Wise approach:** “I know that when I lost \[fill in the blank\] I really needed support. Anytime you want to talk, please feel free to call. If it’s OK with you, I’d like to check in with you next week – just to see how you are doing.” ## 8. At least your burden has been lifted I know there are some reading this who are thinking, “Nobody says that!” I hate to break it to you but they most certainly do. I’ve heard it said at three different funerals over the past 10-years. Regardless of what circumstances may have existed prior to the person’s passing, funerals are not the place to make such remarks – or anytime to be brutally honest. **Wise approach:** Avoid saying anything like this. Instead, simply be there for the person. Give them a hug or hold their hand. ## 9. You will heal soon Honestly, how do you know this? People who make these kinds of statements obviously have never experienced the loss of someone close – like a grandparent. Believe it or not, I heard a man say this to a group of grandchildren at a service for their grandma. After making the comment, I can still remember others cringing. The truth is these kinds of utterances come off as insensitive and condescending. They also dismiss the emotional loss of loved ones. **Wise approach:** Simply say you are sorry for their loss. Recall something pleasant about the deceased. If the survivor is religious, you can even give them a sympathy card that includes a supportive spiritual passage. Just avoid telling them when they will heal. ## 10. You’ll have another baby I’ve listed this final one last because it is the most horrendous. Yes, I have overheard these kinds of comments made to a grieving mother who just lost her child. Talk about unhelpful. This kind of remark does nothing but make the bereaved feel like their baby didn’t count – like it was an insignificant cosmic mistake. If you’ve ever said this at a funeral, be it to a mother or father, **you really need to get some help**. How would you like it if someone made this kind of dispassionate remark to you? Think about it – what kind of reaction would you have? **Wise approach:** Find some other way to show support, like buying flowers, holding their hand or letting the bereaved cry on your shoulder. Keep all speculation about what the future may hold off the table. ## Wrap Up When we attend the funeral service of a friend or loved one, it’s only natural to want to offer words that heal. But sometimes, comments are made that can make the person grieving feel worse. If you aren’t sure what to say, it may be best to simply offer your heartfelt condolences. An example might be: “Truly, I am sorry for your loss. \[Fill in the blank\] will be missed.” Image credit: Pixabay **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Death, Etiquette, Funeral --- ### [15 Facts About Andrew Jackson That Might Surprise You](https://guycounseling.com/andrew-jackson-facts/) **Published:** July 23, 2026 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![andrew jackson 20.00 bill](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/andrew-jackson-20-bill.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Andrew Jackson bio and facts](#Andrew_Jackson_bio_and_facts) - [Andrew Jackson Quick Facts](#Andrew_Jackson_Quick_Facts) - [1. Overcame a Rough Childhood ](#1_Overcame_a_Rough_Childhood) - [2. Became a Lawyer by the Age of 21 ](#2_Became_a_Lawyer_by_the_Age_of_21) - [3. Killed Charles Dickinson in a Duel ](#3_Killed_Charles_Dickinson_in_a_Duel) - [4. Tennessee’s First Elected Senator](#4_Tennessees_First_Elected_Senator) - [5. Lead the Battle that Determined America’s Future](#5_Lead_the_Battle_that_Determined_Americas_Future) - [6. Major General of the U.S. Army](#6_Major_General_of_the_US_Army) - [7. Nicknamed Old Hickory](#7_Nicknamed_Old_Hickory) - [8. Seventh President of the United States](#8_Seventh_President_of_the_United_States) - [9. Removed Corruption from the Federal Government](#9_Removed_Corruption_from_the_Federal_Government) - [11. The Only President to Truly Fix the Budget](#11_The_Only_President_to_Truly_Fix_the_Budget) - [12. Catalyst for the Trail of Tears](#12_Catalyst_for_the_Trail_of_Tears) - [13. Took On the Second Bank of the United States](#13_Took_On_the_Second_Bank_of_the_United_States) - [14. Survived the First Assassination Attempt on a President](#14_Survived_the_First_Assassination_Attempt_on_a_President) - [15. Jackson Graces the $20 Bill](#15_Jackson_Graces_the_20_Bill) - [Summing Things Up](#Summing_Things_Up) ## **Andrew Jackson bio and facts** Although there are many fascinating characters in history, none exude quite the confidence and ability as [Andrew Jackson](http://www.history.com/topics/us-presidents/andrew-jackson), 7th President of the United States. I’ve always been fascinated with the man and his presidency. Perhaps this has something to do with his humble beginnings and how he achieved so much during his lifetime. While the two men are certainly different, he seemed to share many traits with another American [President, Theodore Roosevelt](https://guycounseling.com/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments/). Often seen as a quick-tempered, gambling wild man, he made his mark on the United States throughout his lifetime. His many notable achievements were marked by his ‘common man’ stature and his ability to understand the needs of everyday people. That said, I would be remiss in not pointing out that some prominent [historians](https://millercenter.org/president/johnson/impact-and-legacy) believe he was a racist. What follows are 15 facts about Andrew Jackson you might not know, including unimaginable loss. ## Andrew Jackson Quick Facts Birthday: March 15, 1767, Waxhaws (Between North and South Carolina) Died: June 8, 1845, Nashville, Tennessee Zodiac Sign: [Pisces Man ](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) Height: 6’1 Eye Color: [Light Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) ## **1. Overcame a Rough Childhood  Andrew Jackson was born in the Waxhaws wilderness, somewhere along the border of North and South Carolina. He was born to a poor family and his father died at 29, just three weeks after Andrew was born. **More:** [Learn about Abraham Lincoln](https://guycounseling.com/abraham-lincoln-accomplishments/) When he was a pre-teen his brother Hugh died in battle. His education had been off and on and by the time he turned 13 he joined his local militia and worked as a courier. He and his brother Robert were captured by the British in 1781. It was during his captivity that he received the scar on his face from a British officer after refusing to polish the man’s boots. A few days after being released his mother died from Cholera, a condition she got while helping nurse sick soldiers. From all of his loss during the Revolutionary War, Jackson had an outward hostility towards the British. ## **2. Became a Lawyer by the Age of 21  After losing his mother, Jackson went to live with his uncles, who furthered his education. He studied law during his late teen years and became a prosecuting attorney by the time he was 21. He moved to Nashville soon afterwards and acquired The Hermitage, a sprawling plantation. At the time he acquired it there were nine slaves working on it but by the time he died, that number had increased to 150. ## 3. Killed Charles Dickinson in a Duel  Jackson was known to have a quick temper, enjoy gambling, and dueling. Rumor has it that he challenged and was challenged to many duels, although it’s hard to estimate how many. One duel involved Charles Dickinson, a man who had insulted Jackson’s wife Rachel. In 1806, the duel ended with Jackson getting a bullet to the chest but Dickson dying from Jackson’s shot. Jackson retreated to The Hermitage to recover and several months later was back in action. ## 4. Tennessee’s First Elected Senator Although William Cocke was Tennessee’s first Senator, he took office after being appointed. Andrew Jackson was elected Senator in 1797, leaving him with the title of first elected Senator of Tennessee. At one point, Jackson was also the First Governor of Florida, and would later become the first Democratic president. ## 5. Lead the Battle that Determined America’s Future Few wars have been as significant to America’s future as The War of 1812. During the war, America was being besieged on all sides by the British. On the Northern border of the U.S. the war was being lost, battle after battle on both the U.S and Canadian sides. By mid-year, President Madison’s generals on the Northern border had lost all control. At the same time, the Royal Navy was repeatedly hitting the Eastern coast hard, port after port. Native American tribes were also attacking settlers living out West at the urging of the British. In late August of 1812, the British ransacked and then set fire to the White House in a retaliatory move for the American attack on the city of York, Ontario, Canada. Hope for winning the war had all but dwindled with the American people, until General Jackson convinced President Madison to let him defend the Louisiana bayou. Jackson knew that if the British got ahold of the Mississippi River it could cut off crucial trade routes to America, and further expansion West would virtually come to an abrupt halt. Armed only with nuns praying and fewer patriot fighters than British soldiers, Jackson was able to change the tide on the War of 1812. This was a turning point, with many citizens realizing the full potential of the United States and rallying behind her troops. ![andrew jackson statue](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/andrew-jackson-statue.jpg?resize=640%2C480&ssl=1)The Andrew Jackson statue at Lafayette Park in Washington D.C. ## 6. Major General of the U.S. Army For his bravery and astute military skills, General Jackson was promoted to Major General of the U.S. Army in 1814. This was due in part to his success in Louisiana, his ability to perform better than most of the military strategists at the time, and his ability to lead soldiers. Although many initially mistrusted Jackson because he was considered extremely stubborn and not from the educated background like most of his Virginian or New England peers, his dedication to his men was exceptional. ## 7. Nicknamed Old Hickory Because of his demeanor in battle, his troops nicknamed him Old Hickory, saying he was as tough as an old Hickory tree, with roots deep and strong. When it came to battle, he was fearless but never reckless. His troops feared him, but also loved and respected him. This alone gave him what he needed to succeed on the battlefield. ## 8. Seventh President of the United States After his many successes in the military, Andrew Jackson took a logical step to become the next president. At that time, many people saw him as being a common man, with similar upbringing to themselves. He didn’t speak or act the way other politicians had; he understood what the common man wanted in a government and leader. He believed himself to be a true representative of the people’s will, and as such, treated his presidency as if he were still a common man. As President of the United States, Andrew Jackson was able to pay off the national debt, lay the framework necessary for democracy, gain new land to expand the nation, and was able to strengthen many foreign relationships. ## 9. Removed Corruption from the Federal Government Although many presidents changed staff when they took office, Jackson removed about ten percent, a high number compared to the presidents before him. His effort to remove any corrupt staff members was seen by some as a rotation of staff, others saw it as a type of spoils system. Even though many of the people he got rid of were inept or against Jackson during his campaign, it was still viewed as unconventional to clean out that many people. Prior to Jackson, former presidents had used their power to veto only when they felt the legislation was against the law. President Jackson began to veto any bill that he felt wasn’t in the best interest of the entire country. He was also acutely aware of the cost of each bill and whether or not it would impact the national debt. ## 11. The Only President to Truly Fix the Budget Due diligence with financial matters on the part of President Jackson meant he was able to pay down the national debt – the only president to do so. From that point on, he maintained zero debt for the country and ended his presidency with a financial surplus. ![andrew jackson on money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/andrew-jackson-on-money.png?resize=640%2C320&ssl=1)Andrew Jackson’s portrait on $20.00 bill ## 12. Catalyst for the Trail of Tears The Indian Removal Act of 1831 was proposed in an effort to move Indian tribes to the West of the Mississippi. President Jackson felt Indians would never assimilate into white culture and that they would only serve to cause further problems for the white man. Although President Jackson was astute when it came to fighting corruption, he was negligent when it came to the treaties made with the Native American tribes by corrupt politicians. The Indians were treated poorly and when the removal began two years after his presidency ended, it was marred by many Indian deaths by starvation and lack of supplies. The Creek tribe alone lost 3,500 of the 15,000 that set out for Oklahoma. What’s so interesting about this is that when Jackson was younger, he came across two small Indian children that had lost their parents on the battlefield. Although he referred to them as savages, he sent them back to his wife and they adopted and raised them until both children eventually died. ## **13. Took On the Second Bank of the United States** President Jackson distrusted banks, feeling they were lead by corruption and financial incompetence. With this being true at the beginning of the Second Bank of the United States, Jackson saw no reason to renew their charter. This was also due in part to the fact that Jackson knew that many of the bank’s stockholders weren’t American citizens. He only resigned the charter after assuring the power of the bank was limited. The rechartering of the bank was controversial and Henry Clay, Jackson’s main opponent to the presidency of 1832, targeted Jackson on just this issue. However, Jackson was overwhelmingly nominated to a second term. ## 14. Survived the First Assassination Attempt on a President  While leaving a congressional funeral, President Jackson was attacked by Richard Lawrence, a house painter. He shot at Jackson and missed. Jackson responded by hitting the man repeatedly with a walking cane when the man pulled a second firearm and shot again. The gun misfired, Jackson was unharmed, and Lawrence was sent to a mental institution. ## 15. Jackson Graces the $20 Bill  It’s almost ironic that Jackson’s face is currently on the $20 bill, considering his mistrust of banks overall. He put his trust more into silver and gold. But considering his many accomplishments and his dedication to the common man, it’s no wonder his face was chosen to grace the $20 bill. While President Jackson’s accomplishments are marred by the Trail of Tears, there’s no doubt he is one of the greatest presidents in American history. His commitment to the common man and his desire to rid the government of corruption were just two key components as to why his legacy lives on. ## Summing Things Up Andrew Jackson certainly lived a bold and interesting life. If you are interested in learning more about him, there are several great biographies available. One of my favorites is American Lion: Andrew Jackson in the White House by Meacham ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2C3nooY)). I hope you found the information presented on this page about America’s seventh president insightful. **References:** Andrew Jackson presidency: The History Channel. (2017). Retrieved from http://www.history.com/topics/us-presidents/andrew-jackson **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Files **Tags:** Andrew Jackson, Lincoln, Roosevelt, U.S. Presidents --- ### [How to Build a Healthy Morning Routine That Actually Works](https://guycounseling.com/healthy-morning-routine-that-works/) **Published:** July 21, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man looking out window morning routine](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/morning-routine-man-looking-out-window-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Let’s be honest about something first: you’ve probably tried to build a “morning routine” before. Maybe you watched a video of some guy doing cold plunges, journaling in a leather notebook, drinking something green, and meditating on a mountain before 6 a.m. You gave it a shot for four days. Then life happened — your kid got sick, you slept through your alarm, work blew up — and the whole thing quietly died in a browser tab you never closed. If that’s you, I want to say clearly: that’s not a willpower problem. That’s a design problem. Most morning routines fail because they were never built for your actual life. They were built for a version of your life that doesn’t exist — one with no kids, no job stress, no bad nights of sleep, and apparently unlimited free time before sunrise. So let’s fix that. This isn’t going to be a list of things you “should” do. It’s a framework for building a morning that actually works for you — on your best days and your worst ones. ## Prefer to Listen? ## Why Elaborate Morning Routines Fail Here’s the pattern I see constantly, both online and in my office: a guy gets inspired, builds an ambitious ten-step morning routine, and treats it like a finished product instead of a first draft. The routine has no room for error. Miss one piece — sleep in twenty minutes, forget the supplements, skip the workout — and the whole structure feels broken. So he abandons it entirely. This is what I call the all-or-nothing trap, and it’s not unique to mornings. It’s the same thing that torpedoes diets, workout plans, and New Year’s resolutions. The routine wasn’t flexible enough to survive contact with a real Tuesday. There’s also a subtler issue: a lot of these routines are borrowed. You saw someone else’s morning and copied it, without asking whether it actually fits your nervous system, your schedule, or your goals. Maybe cold showers work great for some guy on the internet. Maybe they’d send you into a stress spiral before your first meeting. The routine has to be yours, not someone else’s highlight reel. ## Design Around Real Life, Not Fantasy Life Before you build anything, ask yourself a blunt question: what does my morning actually look like most days? Not the morning you wish you had. The one you actually have. Do you have kids who need breakfast and a ride somewhere? Do you work nights sometimes? Do you genuinely hate mornings and function better if you ease in slowly instead of launching into intensity right away? None of that is a character flaw. It’s just data. Use it. A good routine should be able to survive your real constraints — not require you to eliminate them. If you only have fifteen minutes before the house turns into chaos, your routine needs a fifteen-minute version that still does its job. More on that in a minute. ## The Four Jobs of a Healthy Morning Routine Strip away the trendy add-ons — the ice baths, the supplement stacks, the seventeen-minute breathwork sequences — and every effective morning routine is really doing four jobs. If your routine covers these four things, in some form, it’s working. If it’s missing one, that’s usually where things fall apart. **1. Wake the body.** Your body needs a signal that the day has started. This can be movement, light, water, temperature change — something physical that shifts you out of sleep mode. This doesn’t require a gym session. Even a few minutes of stretching or a short walk tells your system, “we’re up now.” **2. Settle the nervous system.** A lot of guys wake up and go straight into fight-or-flight — phone in hand, inbox open, heart rate climbing before they’ve even had coffee. This job is about giving your nervous system a moment to catch up before you throw stress at it. That might mean a few slow breaths, a quiet coffee, or just not looking at your phone for the first ten minutes. **3. Activate the mind.** Once the body is up and the nervous system isn’t in a panic, you want to engage your brain intentionally — before something else engages it for you. Reading a page, reviewing your plan for the day, doing a puzzle, journaling a few lines. Anything that gets your mind working on your terms. **4. Direct attention.** This is the job most routines skip entirely, and it might be the most important one. Before the demands of the day take over, take thirty seconds to actually decide what matters today. Not a full to-do list — just a clear sense of where your attention should go. Without this step, you’re reactive by 8 a.m. instead of intentional. Notice something: none of these jobs require a specific ritual. They’re functions, not scripts. That’s what makes this framework flexible enough to survive real mornings. ## Sample Routines: 15, 30, and 60 Minutes Here’s how those four jobs might look at different time budgets. Don’t treat these as prescriptions — treat them as templates you can swap pieces in and out of. ### 15-Minute Routine This is the version for a genuinely tight morning — the one where you’re lucky to find matching socks. - **Wake the body (2 min):** Splash cold water on your face, or step outside for fresh air. - **Settle the nervous system (3 min):** Drink your coffee or water without touching your phone. - **Activate the mind (5 min):** Read one page of something, or jot three lines in a notebook. - **Direct attention (5 min):** Name the one thing that actually matters today. Not five things. One. ### 30-Minute Routine This is a solid, sustainable daily target for most guys. - **Wake the body (8 min):** Light stretching, a short walk, or a few bodyweight movements. - **Settle the nervous system (7 min):** Coffee or tea, quiet, no screens. Maybe a few slow breaths. - **Activate the mind (10 min):** Reading, journaling, or reviewing goals — something that engages your brain without stress. - **Direct attention (5 min):** Write down your top two or three priorities for the day. ### 60-Minute Routine This is the “everything’s going right” version — good for weekends or slower mornings. - **Wake the body (20 min):** A workout, a longer walk, or a full stretch and mobility session. - **Settle the nervous system (10 min):** Slower breakfast, quiet coffee, maybe some sunlight on your face. - **Activate the mind (20 min):** Deeper reading, journaling, planning, or learning something. - **Direct attention (10 min):** A more thorough look at the day or week ahead — priorities, obligations, and what you actually want to accomplish. Pick whichever version matches your morning. Better yet, know all three and let your day decide which one you use. Flexibility isn’t a compromise here — it’s the whole point. ## Build a Backup Routine for Bad Mornings This is the piece almost nobody builds, and it’s the one that saves the whole system. A backup routine is your plan for the mornings when everything’s falling apart — you overslept, someone’s throwing up, the car won’t start, whatever it is. Your backup routine should take sixty seconds or less and still hit as many of the four jobs as possible. Something like: one deep breath, a sip of water, and naming one priority for the day out loud while you’re brushing your teeth. That’s it. That’s the whole routine. The point of the backup isn’t that it’s a great morning. The point is that it’s not zero. It keeps the thread connected so you’re not starting from scratch tomorrow. ## Let It Feel Good — Enjoyment Is Not Optional Here’s something that gets left out of most productivity advice: if a routine feels like punishment, you will not keep doing it. Full stop. Motivation built on discipline alone runs out. Motivation built on genuine enjoyment tends to stick around. So build in something you actually like. Good coffee, a podcast, sunlight on the porch, music while you stretch, five minutes with the dog before the house wakes up. This isn’t fluff — it’s the reinforcement that makes your brain want to come back tomorrow. A routine you dread is a routine you’ll quietly sabotage. A routine you kind of enjoy is one you’ll defend. ## What to Do When You Miss a Morning You will miss mornings. Not might — will. Everybody does. The question that actually determines whether your routine survives isn’t “did I miss one,” it’s “what did I do the next day?” Here’s the move: when you miss a morning, don’t try to make up for it by doing double the next day, and don’t spiral into “well, I already blew it.” Just do your routine — even the fifteen-minute or backup version — the next morning like nothing happened. That’s it. No penance, no guilt lap, no dramatic reset. Just pick the thread back up. ## Consistency Means Returning, Not Never Missing I want to leave you with this, because I think it’s the single most useful reframe I can offer on this topic: consistency was never about a perfect streak. It’s about how quickly you return after you fall off. Think about it this way — a guy who does his routine 80% of the time and gets right back on track after the other 20% is, in every meaningful sense, more consistent than a guy who does it perfectly for three weeks and then quits entirely because he broke the streak. The all-or-nothing guy isn’t more disciplined. He’s just more fragile. So give yourself permission to have a bad morning. Build a routine flexible enough to survive one. And when you miss a day, don’t treat it as evidence that the whole thing failed — treat it as exactly what it is: a Tuesday. Show up again tomorrow. That’s the whole game. **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** healthy habits, men’s mental health, morning routine, productivity, Self-Improvement, Stress Management --- ### [Best Colognes for Men: 25 Popular Fragrances Worth Wearing](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Man applying cologne, representing a guide to choosing men's fragrances](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/bearded-man-cologne.jpg?resize=600%2C325&ssl=1) **Editor’s Note:** This guide was reviewed and updated for 2026 to remove outdated recommendations and highlight men’s fragrances that remain popular, wearable, and reasonably accessible. Picking a cologne shouldn’t require a chemistry degree. You don’t need to memorize fragrance pyramids or debate niche houses on forums to smell good — you just need a scent that fits your life. The “best” cologne for you depends on a handful of practical things: your personal taste, where you’ll wear it, the season, your budget, the concentration you’re buying, and how it performs on your own skin. The same fragrance can read differently from one guy to the next, so think of this guide as a strong starting point rather than a rulebook. Below, you’ll find 25 widely worn men’s fragrances covering a range of budgets, occasions, and scent families — from everyday office-safe options to date-night picks to a few genuine luxury splurges. You’ll also find a full breakdown of fragrance families, concentrations, and how to apply and store cologne so you can shop with confidence, whether this is your first bottle or your tenth. *Affiliate disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases. This doesn’t change the price you pay, and it doesn’t influence which fragrances made this list.* ![Assortment of men's cologne bottles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/bottles-of-cologne.jpg?resize=300%2C275&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Best Colognes for Men at a Glance](#Best_Colognes_for_Men_at_a_Glance) - [Best Colognes for Men: Comparison Table](#Best_Colognes_for_Men_Comparison_Table) - [How to Choose a Men’s Fragrance](#How_to_Choose_a_Mens_Fragrance) - [How We Chose These Men’s Colognes](#How_We_Chose_These_Mens_Colognes) - [Best Popular Colognes for Men](#Best_Popular_Colognes_for_Men) - [1. Tom Ford Oud Wood](#1_Tom_Ford_Oud_Wood) - [2. Creed Aventus](#2_Creed_Aventus) - [3. John Varvatos Artisan](#3_John_Varvatos_Artisan) - [4. Giorgio Armani Acqua di Giò](#4_Giorgio_Armani_Acqua_di_Gio) - [5. Armani Code Eau de Toilette](#5_Armani_Code_Eau_de_Toilette) - [6. Bleu de Chanel Eau de Parfum](#6_Bleu_de_Chanel_Eau_de_Parfum) - [7. Montblanc Legend](#7_Montblanc_Legend) - [8. Ralph Lauren Polo Black](#8_Ralph_Lauren_Polo_Black) - [9. Paco Rabanne 1 Million Eau de Toilette](#9_Paco_Rabanne_1_Million_Eau_de_Toilette) - [10. Gucci Guilty Black](#10_Gucci_Guilty_Black) - [11. Burberry London for Men](#11_Burberry_London_for_Men) - [12. John Varvatos Vintage](#12_John_Varvatos_Vintage) - [13. Azzaro Chrome](#13_Azzaro_Chrome) - [14. YSL Y Eau de Parfum](#14_YSL_Y_Eau_de_Parfum) - [15. Prada Luna Rossa](#15_Prada_Luna_Rossa) - [16. Dior Sauvage](#16_Dior_Sauvage) - [17. Versace Eros](#17_Versace_Eros) - [18. Hugo Boss Bottled](#18_Hugo_Boss_Bottled) - [19. Clive Christian No. 1](#19_Clive_Christian_No_1) - [20. Creed Tabarome Millésime Eau de Parfum](#20_Creed_Tabarome_Millesime_Eau_de_Parfum) - [21. Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille](#21_Tom_Ford_Tobacco_Vanille) - [22. Clive Christian 1872 Masculine](#22_Clive_Christian_1872_Masculine) - [23. YSL La Nuit de L’Homme](#23_YSL_La_Nuit_de_LHomme) - [24. Kilian Straight to Heaven](#24_Kilian_Straight_to_Heaven) - [25. Ralph Lauren Polo Red](#25_Ralph_Lauren_Polo_Red) - [Best-Smelling Colognes by Occasion](#Best-Smelling_Colognes_by_Occasion) - [Best Men’s Colognes by Season](#Best_Mens_Colognes_by_Season) - [Spring](#Spring) - [Summer cologne for men](#Summer_cologne_for_men) - [Fall](#Fall) - [Winter cologne for men](#Winter_cologne_for_men) - [Best Men’s Colognes by Budget](#Best_Mens_Colognes_by_Budget) - [Understanding Fragrance Notes](#Understanding_Fragrance_Notes) - [Men’s Fragrance Families](#Mens_Fragrance_Families) - [Fresh and Citrus](#Fresh_and_Citrus) - [Aquatic](#Aquatic) - [Aromatic and Fougère](#Aromatic_and_Fougere) - [Woody](#Woody) - [Spicy and Amber](#Spicy_and_Amber) - [Leather and Tobacco](#Leather_and_Tobacco) - [Sweet and Gourmand](#Sweet_and_Gourmand) - [Projection, Sillage, and Longevity](#Projection_Sillage_and_Longevity) - [How to Choose a Signature Scent](#How_to_Choose_a_Signature_Scent) - [How to Apply and Store Cologne](#How_to_Apply_and_Store_Cologne) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) ## Best Colognes for Men at a Glance **Quick Picks** - **Best overall:** Dior Sauvage Eau de Toilette - **Best everyday fragrance:** Giorgio Armani Acqua di Giò - **Best affordable option:** Azzaro Chrome - **Best date-night scent:** YSL La Nuit de L’Homme - **Best work fragrance:** Bleu de Chanel Eau de Parfum - **Best luxury fragrance:** Creed Aventus **On this page:** - [Comparison Table](#comparison-table) - [How to Choose a Men’s Fragrance](#how-to-choose) - [25 Best Colognes for Men](#25-best-colognes) - [Best Colognes by Occasion](#by-occasion) - [Best Colognes by Season](#by-season) - [Best Colognes by Budget](#by-budget) - [Understanding Fragrance Notes](#fragrance-notes) - [Men’s Fragrance Families](#fragrance-families) - [Projection, Sillage, and Longevity](#performance) - [How to Choose a Signature Scent](#signature-scent) - [How to Apply and Store Cologne](#application-tips) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#faq) ## Best Colognes for Men: Comparison Table | Fragrance | Best For | Scent Profile | Concentration | Season/Setting | Price | |---|---|---|---|---|---| | Tom Ford Oud Wood | Evening/luxury | Woody, warm, amber | Eau de Parfum | Fall/winter, formal | $$$$ | | Creed Aventus | Luxury signature scent | Fruity, smoky, woody | Eau de Parfum | Year-round | $$$$ | | John Varvatos Artisan | Office-safe | Citrus, musk, smooth | Eau de Toilette | Spring/summer, work | $$ | | Acqua di Giò | Everyday fragrance | Aquatic, citrus, woody | Eau de Toilette | Spring/summer | $$ | | Armani Code Eau de Toilette | Date night | Green mandarin, lavandin, tonka, cedar | Eau de Toilette | Fall/winter, evening | $$ | | Bleu de Chanel Eau de Parfum | Office to evening | Citrus, cedar, sandalwood, amber | Eau de Parfum | Year-round, work | $$$ | | Montblanc Legend | Classic masculine profile | Aromatic, woody, fresh | Eau de Toilette | Year-round, work | $$ | | Polo Black | Smooth evening/casual wear | Dark fruity-woody | Eau de Toilette | Year-round | $$ | | Paco Rabanne 1 Million Eau de Toilette | Bold evening scent, midrange price | Spicy, leather, citrus | Eau de Toilette | Fall/winter, evening | $$ | | Gucci Guilty Black | Green, aromatic evening scent | Lavender, coriander, green, patchouli | Eau de Toilette | Fall/winter, evening | $$ | | Burberry London for Men | Warm fall/winter wear | Tobacco, cinnamon, leather, woods | Eau de Toilette | Fall/winter, work | $$ | | John Varvatos Vintage | Understated depth | Woody, tobacco, suede | Eau de Toilette | Fall/winter | $$ | | Azzaro Chrome | Fresh everyday scent | Citrus, aquatic, clean | Eau de Toilette | Spring/summer | $ | | YSL Y Eau de Parfum | Modern everyday appeal | Apple, ginger, sage, woods | Eau de Parfum | Year-round | $$ | | Prada Luna Rossa | Date night | Citrus, lavender, aromatic | Eau de Toilette | Spring/summer | $$ | | Dior Sauvage | Best overall | Citrus, ambroxan, pepper | Eau de Toilette | Year-round | $$ | | Versace Eros | Bold date-night pick | Mint, vanilla, tonka | Eau de Toilette | Fall/winter, evening | $$ | | Hugo Boss Bottled | Classic office scent | Spicy, woody, citrus | Eau de Toilette | Year-round, work | $$ | | Clive Christian No. 1 | Luxury splurge | Floral, woody, rich | Parfum | Formal, evening | $$$$ | | Creed Tabarome Millésime Eau de Parfum | Long-lasting luxury | Ginger, woods, amber, subtle tobacco | Eau de Parfum | Fall/winter | $$$$ | | Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille | Bold cold-weather scent | Tobacco, vanilla, spice | Eau de Parfum | Fall/winter | $$$$ | | Clive Christian 1872 Masculine | Refined luxury | Citrus, aromatic, lavender, spice | Parfum | Fall/winter | $$$$ | | YSL La Nuit de L’Homme | Modern date-night scent | Spicy, woody, oriental | Eau de Toilette | Fall/winter, evening | $$ | | Kilian Straight to Heaven | Niche luxury | Rum, cedar, patchouli, dried fruit | Eau de Parfum | Fall/winter | $$$$ | | Polo Red | Casual everyday wear | Woody, citrusy | Eau de Toilette | Spring/summer | $ | Note: We’ve avoided listing exact prices since Amazon pricing shifts constantly, and we’ve avoided precise longevity claims since performance genuinely varies by skin chemistry, climate, and how much product is applied. Use “$” through “$$$$” as a relative guide only. ## How to Choose a Men’s Fragrance ![Comparison of cologne, eau de toilette, eau de parfum, and parfum concentrations](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/cologne-men-2.jpg?resize=385%2C268&ssl=1) **The Short Version on Concentration** - **Eau de Cologne:** Light, roughly 2–4% perfume oil. Tends to fade fastest. - **Eau de Toilette (EDT):** A step up, generally 5–15% oil. The most common concentration for everyday men’s fragrances. - **Eau de Parfum (EDP):** Higher oil concentration, often stronger and generally more long-lasting than EDT. - **Parfum (Extrait):** The most concentrated version, commonly described as the longest-performing and priciest. A few other things worth knowing before you buy: - **Fragrance families:** Most men’s scents fall into broad families — fresh/citrus, aquatic, woody, aromatic, spicy/amber, leather/tobacco, and sweet/gourmand. Knowing which family you gravitate toward makes shopping much faster than smelling bottles at random. (See the full breakdown further down this guide.) - **Skin chemistry matters:** The same fragrance can smell different from one person to the next. Treat any description here as a general guide, not a guarantee of how it will smell on you specifically. - **Start light and adjust:** Begin with a light application and build from there based on the fragrance’s concentration and how it projects. There’s no single “correct” number of sprays for every bottle. - **Test before committing to a full bottle:** Apply a small amount to your skin (not just a paper strip) and give it time to develop before judging it. A fragrance right out of the bottle often isn’t how it settles after 20–30 minutes. ### How We Chose These Men’s Colognes We started with the original roster from this guide’s earlier version, then rechecked every entry against current availability, correct product naming, and whether it still holds up as a genuinely useful recommendation for a broad range of readers. A few fragrances were replaced with better-known or more clearly identifiable alternatives in the same scent family, and product names were corrected to match the specific concentration and version being recommended. ## Best Popular Colognes for Men Below are 25 widely worn men’s fragrances. Each one includes a quick verdict, the notes that define it, where it tends to work best, and who might want to skip it. ### 1. Tom Ford Oud Wood [![Tom Ford Oud Wood cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/tom-ford-ouwood-e1488097381236.jpg?resize=560%2C263&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lHeGWO) **Best for:** A warm, distinctive scent for cooler months and formal settings. Built around sandalwood and vetiver, with tonka bean and amber adding warmth. It’s a masculine, slightly exotic scent that reads as intentional rather than generic. Works well in fall and winter, or any setting where you want something a step above the usual designer options. **May not appeal to:** Guys who prefer light, citrus-forward everyday scents — this one has real presence. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lHeGWO) ### 2. Creed Aventus [![Creed Aventus cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/creed-cologne.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/3AStxDd) **Best for:** A luxury signature scent that works across seasons. A fruity-smoky blend built around notes of pineapple, blackcurrant, birch, and oakmoss, with a distinctive smoky-fruity opening that’s become one of the most recognized profiles in modern men’s fragrance. It’s popular for a reason, though its popularity means you’re less likely to smell “unique” wearing it. **May not appeal to:** Budget-conscious buyers — this sits firmly in luxury pricing. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3AStxDd) ### 3. John Varvatos Artisan [![John Varvatos Artisan cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/artisan-for-men.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2mxbwCH) **Best for:** An office-safe, easygoing everyday fragrance. A smooth citrus-and-musk combination that projects clean and put-together without trying too hard. It’s a good pick if you want one bottle that works from a morning meeting through an after-work happy hour. **May not appeal to:** Men who want a bolder, more attention-grabbing scent for evenings out. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2mxbwCH) ### 4. Giorgio Armani Acqua di Giò [![Acqua di Gio cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/gio2.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2mibdQ6) **Best for:** The best everyday fragrance on this list. A woody-aquatic blend with citrus top notes — one of the most widely worn men’s fragrances of the last few decades. It’s not flashy, which is exactly why it works for nearly any daytime setting. **May not appeal to:** Anyone looking for a distinctive, conversation-starting scent — this one is popular precisely because it’s familiar. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2mibdQ6) ### 5. Armani Code Eau de Toilette [![Armani Code Eau de Toilette bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/armani-code-2-e1488098184633.jpg?resize=560%2C264&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2mwZHfT) **Best for:** A dependable date-night scent with some spice to it. Green mandarin and lavandin open into tonka bean and cedarwood, creating a warm aromatic fragrance suited to evening wear. It is a solid option for dinners, dates, and other occasions calling for something richer than a fresh daytime scent. **May not appeal to:** Guys in warmer climates, or anyone who prefers lighter fresh scents. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2mwZHfT) ### 6. Bleu de Chanel Eau de Parfum Bright citrus opens into cedar, sandalwood, and an ambery base, creating a polished fragrance that can move easily between professional and evening settings. It is a strong choice for men who want one versatile bottle rather than a large fragrance rotation. **Best for:** A polished, versatile fragrance that works from office to evening. **Scent profile:** Citrus, cedar, sandalwood, amber. **Why it made the list:** One of the most commonly recommended “one bottle does it all” fragrances, equally at home in a work setting or a dinner out. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4wgc7w1) **May not appeal to:** Anyone wanting a bolder or more unconventional signature scent — this one leans polished and safe by design. ### 7. Montblanc Legend [![Montblanc Legend cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/legend.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2l0KzuN) **Best for:** A classic masculine profile that reads as professional. Bergamot, lavender, pineapple leaf, and sandalwood combine into a scent that comes across as composed and dependable. A common choice for guys who want something office-appropriate that still has some character. **May not appeal to:** Anyone chasing a modern, unconventional scent profile. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2l0KzuN) ### 8. Ralph Lauren Polo Black [![Polo Black cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/polo-black.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lbzEtj) **Best for:** A smooth, easy evening or casual scent. A darker, fruity-woody take on the original Polo, with more depth than a typical daytime fragrance but nothing overly heavy. It’s an easy fragrance to reach for without much thought, whether you’re heading to dinner or running errands. **May not appeal to:** Men who already own several woody fragrances — this doesn’t bring much that’s new to that lane. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lbzEtj) ### 9. Paco Rabanne 1 Million Eau de Toilette A warm, spicy-leather scent with cinnamon, leather, and amber that punches above its price point. It’s one of the more recognizable fragrances of the last fifteen years — extremely popular, which also means it’s extremely common. **Best for:** A bold, recognizable evening scent at a midrange price. **Scent profile:** Cinnamon, leather, amber, citrus. **Why it made the list:** A bold, widely recognized evening fragrance that has remained popular for well over a decade. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3SXjw4n) **May not appeal to:** Anyone wanting a scent that doesn’t get recognized by half the room. ### 10. Gucci Guilty Black [![Gucci Guilty Black cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/gucci1.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lbBytW) **Best for:** A green, aromatic evening fragrance. Lavender and coriander sit over green notes, woods, and patchouli for a fresh-but-grounded evening scent. It reads best in cooler weather and works well for dinners, gatherings, or any dressed-up occasion. **May not appeal to:** Casual everyday wear — this one is better suited to evening settings. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lbBytW) ### 11. Burberry London for Men Tobacco, cinnamon, leather, and woods combine for a composed, cool-weather character without being loud. A solid pick for the office or a first date where you want to seem put-together, not overpowering. **Best for:** A warm, understated fall and winter fragrance. **Scent profile:** Tobacco, cinnamon, leather, woods. **Why it made the list:** A composed, cool-weather scent that works equally well in the office or on a low-key date. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4paXeIk) **May not appeal to:** Guys wanting something more distinctive or modern, or anyone in a warm climate. ### 12. John Varvatos Vintage [![John Varvatos Vintage cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/vintage-23.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lRKIjw) **Best for:** A smooth, understated woody scent with some depth. Notes of tobacco and suede sit under a woody base, giving this a quiet confidence rather than loud projection. A good option for guys who want something that reads as thoughtful rather than trendy. **May not appeal to:** Anyone who wants a fresh, citrus-forward daytime scent. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lRKIjw) ### 13. Azzaro Chrome [![Azzaro Chrome cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/chrome-2.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2mxeGpT) **Best for:** The best affordable option on this list. A citrusy, aquatic classic that’s been around for decades and remains popular because it’s genuinely easy to wear. A great warm-weather option that won’t overwhelm, at a price that makes it easy to keep on hand. **May not appeal to:** Men who want a fragrance with more depth or evening presence. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2mxeGpT) ### 14. YSL Y Eau de Parfum Apple and ginger open into sage, woods, and amber, giving this a fresh-but-grounded character that works across most casual and semi-formal settings. It’s a good option for guys who want something contemporary without going too far into niche territory. **Best for:** A modern, versatile fragrance with strong everyday appeal. **Scent profile:** Apple, ginger, sage, woods, amber. **Why it made the list:** A contemporary, easy-to-wear option for guys who want something current without going full niche. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4gCPr45) **May not appeal to:** Anyone wanting a heavier, more traditional woody or spice-forward fragrance. ### 15. Prada Luna Rossa [![Prada Luna Rossa cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/prada-1.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lRPihR) **Best for:** A strong date-night pick. Citrus and lavender combine for a crisp, slightly nautical feel. It has enough character for a date while remaining cleaner and more restrained than many sweet evening fragrances. **May not appeal to:** Guys who dislike lavender-forward fragrances. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lRPihR) ### 16. Dior Sauvage [![Dior Sauvage cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/sauvage-1.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lRAC1U) **Best for:** Best overall pick on this list. Crisp citrus over an ambroxan-and-pepper base, Sauvage has become the default recommendation for a reason — it is versatile and wearable in many settings. **May not appeal to:** Anyone who wants a scent that doesn’t get recognized constantly — this is one of the most widely worn fragrances currently on the market. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lRAC1U) ### 17. Versace Eros Mint and green apple open into a warm vanilla-tonka base — a fragrance built to be noticeable. Popular with men who want something confident for going out. **Best for:** A bold, sweet-and-fresh date-night scent. **Scent profile:** Mint, green apple, vanilla, tonka. **Why it made the list:** A confident, noticeable pick for men who want a fragrance with real projection on nights out. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4wCto27) **May not appeal to:** Anyone who prefers dry, understated scents — this one leans sweet and has real projection. ### 18. Hugo Boss Bottled [![Hugo Boss Bottled cologne](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/hugo-boss-2.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/3qhRijo) **Best for:** A classic, spicy office-safe fragrance. A blend of woods, citrus, and fresh leaves that’s remained a go-to for decades. It’s a safe, professional choice that rarely gets a bad reaction. **May not appeal to:** Guys wanting something more distinctive — this is intentionally conventional. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3qhRijo) ### 19. Clive Christian No. 1 [![Clive Christian No. 1 cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/clive-65.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/44nh61C) **Best for:** A high-end luxury splurge. A rich, floral-woody parfum with real weight to it. This is one of the more expensive fragrances on the market, and it wears that way — sophisticated, dense, and commonly described as long-performing. Private Collection edition. **May not appeal to:** Anyone not ready to spend well into luxury territory for a bottle. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/44nh61C) ### 20. Creed Tabarome Millésime Eau de Parfum Ginger and citrus open into sandalwood, woods, amber, and subtle tobacco nuances. The result is a warm, polished fragrance with a traditional character that feels more refined than aggressively smoky. **Best for:** A warm, woody luxury scent with ginger, sandalwood, and subtle tobacco nuances. **Scent profile:** Ginger, sandalwood, amber, woods, subtle tobacco. **Why it made the list:** A refined interpretation of warm woods, ginger, amber, and subtle tobacco nuances. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3Tv7m2P) **May not appeal to:** Budget shoppers — Creed’s whole line sits at the top of the price range. ### 21. Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille [![Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/tobacco-vanille.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lbvdin) **Best for:** A rich, cold-weather signature scent. Warm vanilla layered over tobacco leaf, this is one of the more instantly recognizable niche-adjacent scents available at relatively accessible department-store luxury pricing. **May not appeal to:** Anyone in a hot climate, or who finds gourmand-leaning scents too sweet. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lbvdin) ### 22. Clive Christian 1872 Masculine A refined citrus-aromatic profile built on petitgrain, clary sage, and lavender, with woods and spice underneath. It reads restrained rather than overpowering, which appeals to men who want luxury without loud projection. **Best for:** A subtle, confident luxury option. **Scent profile:** Petitgrain, clary sage, lavender, woods, spice. **Why it made the list:** A restrained, sophisticated luxury option for men who want quality without loud projection. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3SXjEAT) **May not appeal to:** Anyone expecting bold sillage for the price. ### 23. YSL La Nuit de L’Homme [![YSL La Nuit de L'Homme cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/ysl.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2kXQYqP) **Best for:** A modern, spicy date-night option. Cedar and lavender give this a woody-spicy, slightly oriental character. A popular pick for evenings out, with enough distinctiveness to stand apart from the more mainstream options on this list. **May not appeal to:** Anyone wanting a lighter daytime scent — this leans into evening territory. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kXQYqP) ### 24. Kilian Straight to Heaven [![Kilian Straight to Heaven cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/straight-to-heaven.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/4yhqXU4) **Best for:** A niche, distinctive luxury pick. Rum and cedar sit alongside patchouli, dried fruit, spice, and woods for a rich, layered fragrance that stands apart from typical department-store options. **May not appeal to:** Anyone new to niche fragrance — this is a distinctive, polarizing scent rather than a crowd-pleaser. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4yhqXU4) ### 25. Ralph Lauren Polo Red [![Polo Red cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/polo-red.jpg?resize=560%2C269&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2kXNfcA) **Best for:** A casual, affordable everyday fragrance. A woody-citrus combination with a casual, approachable finish. It’s an easy recommendation for men just starting to build a fragrance collection. **May not appeal to:** Anyone wanting a more sophisticated or complex scent profile. [Check Price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kXNfcA) ## Best-Smelling Colognes by Occasion **Best Date-Night Picks** - YSL La Nuit de L’Homme — modern and distinctive - Prada Luna Rossa — crisp, clean, and restrained enough for close settings - Armani Code Eau de Toilette — warm and a little spicy for evening settings - Versace Eros — bold and sweet, built to be noticeable - **Everyday/casual cologne for men:** Acqua di Giò, John Varvatos Artisan, Polo Red - **Cologne for work:** Bleu de Chanel Eau de Parfum, Montblanc Legend, Hugo Boss Bottled - **Long-lasting cologne for men:** Creed Aventus, Kilian Straight to Heaven, Clive Christian No. 1 — all higher-concentration Eau de Parfum or Parfum, commonly described as longer-performing ## Best Men’s Colognes by Season ### Spring Lighter, fresher scents tend to work best as temperatures rise. **John Varvatos Artisan** and **YSL Y Eau de Parfum** both offer a clean, easygoing character that doesn’t compete with warmer weather. ### Summer cologne for men **Azzaro Chrome** and **Acqua di Giò** lean citrus and aquatic, which tends to feel more appropriate in heat and humidity than heavier, spice-forward fragrances. **Prada Luna Rossa** is another solid warm-weather option with its crisp, lavender-citrus profile. ### Fall As temperatures drop, woodier and spicier fragrances tend to feel more fitting. **Polo Black**, **Burberry London for Men**, and **John Varvatos Vintage** all suit cooler, transitional weather. ### Winter cologne for men Richer, warmer fragrances generally perform well in cold weather. **Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille**, **Creed Tabarome Millésime Eau de Parfum**, and **Clive Christian 1872 Masculine** all lean into deeper, more concentrated profiles suited to winter wear. ## Best Men’s Colognes by Budget ![Men's cologne bottles representing different price tiers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mens-perfume-394683_960_720.jpg?resize=389%2C587&ssl=1) - **Budget-friendly:** Azzaro Chrome, Polo Red, Paco Rabanne 1 Million Eau de Toilette - **Midrange:** Acqua di Giò, Montblanc Legend, Hugo Boss Bottled, John Varvatos Artisan, Armani Code Eau de Toilette - **Premium:** Bleu de Chanel Eau de Parfum, YSL Y Eau de Parfum, Dior Sauvage, Prada Luna Rossa - **Luxury:** Creed Aventus, Tom Ford Oud Wood, Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille, Creed Tabarome Millésime Eau de Parfum, Clive Christian No. 1, Clive Christian 1872 Masculine, Kilian Straight to Heaven ## Understanding Fragrance Notes Every fragrance is built in layers, and understanding them helps explain why a cologne can smell different an hour after you spray it than it did at first application. ![Chart showing how fragrance concentration relates to how long a scent typically lasts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mens-colognes-scent-times.jpg?resize=675%2C429&ssl=1) - **Top notes:** What you smell immediately after applying. These are usually the lightest, most volatile ingredients — often citrus, herbs, or light spices — and they fade within the first 15–30 minutes. - **Heart notes (middle notes):** These emerge as the top notes fade and form the core character of the fragrance. Florals, spices, and fruit typically live here. - **Base notes:** The foundation that lingers longest — woods, musk, amber, and resins usually sit in this layer, and they’re a big part of why a fragrance stays on your skin or clothing after the top and heart notes have faded. - **Dry-down:** The final stage of a fragrance’s development, once the top and heart notes have fully faded and only the base remains. This is often the truest, longest-lasting version of how a fragrance smells on you. This is also why it’s worth testing a fragrance on skin and waiting before buying a full bottle — the version you smell at first spray isn’t the version you’ll be wearing an hour later. ## Men’s Fragrance Families Most men’s colognes fall into one or more of these broad families. Knowing which ones you’re drawn to makes shopping considerably easier. ### Fresh and Citrus Bright, clean, and easy to wear — think bergamot, lemon, and grapefruit. Popular for daytime and warmer weather. May appeal to men who want a low-effort, universally safe scent. ### Aquatic Marine and “ocean air” notes that read as clean and modern. Common in everyday and summer fragrances. May appeal to men who find heavier scents too intense for daily wear. ### Aromatic and Fougère Built around herbs like lavender and sage, often combined with woods. A classic, barbershop-adjacent character. May appeal to men who want a traditional masculine profile without leaning sweet or heavy. ### Woody Sandalwood, cedar, and vetiver form the backbone here. Versatile across seasons, and often used as a base note in fragrances from other families. May appeal to men who want warmth without excessive sweetness. ### Spicy and Amber Cinnamon, cardamom, and warm resins create a richer, often bolder scent. Common in evening and cold-weather fragrances. May appeal to men who want a fragrance with real presence. ### Leather and Tobacco Deep, mature, and often smoky. Common in luxury and niche fragrances. May appeal to men who want a distinctive, less mainstream signature scent. ### Sweet and Gourmand Vanilla, tonka bean, and other dessert-like notes. Can be bold and noticeable. May appeal to men who want a fragrance that stands out, though it’s worth sampling first since gourmand notes can read as heavy to some noses. ## Projection, Sillage, and Longevity ![Factors that can influence how a cologne performs on skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/alpha-male-traits-characteristics.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) These three terms come up constantly in fragrance discussions, and they’re worth understanding before you buy: - **Projection:** How far the scent radiates from your skin — essentially, how noticeable it is to someone standing close to you. - **Sillage:** The “trail” a fragrance leaves behind as you move through a room, distinct from projection at close range. - **Longevity:** How long the fragrance remains detectable on skin after application. All three vary by formulation, concentration, skin type, climate, and how much product is applied. A fragrance that performs one way on a humid summer day may perform differently in a cold, dry winter. Treat any performance description in this guide — including “generally versatile” or “commonly described as long-lasting” — as a starting expectation, not a guarantee. ## How to Choose a Signature Scent If you’re narrowing down a single go-to fragrance, a few questions can help: - **Where do you spend most of your time?** An office job calls for something more restrained than a fragrance built for nights out. - **What’s your climate like?** Hot, humid climates tend to amplify projection, so lighter fragrances often perform better. Cold, dry climates can mute a scent, making richer fragrances a better fit. - **How noticeable do you want to be?** Some men prefer a scent only those close to them can detect; others want more presence in a room. - **What’s your personal style?** A fragrance is part of your overall presentation — classic, modern, understated, or bold — and it helps to pick something that matches how you already dress and carry yourself. - **One bottle or a small rotation?** Plenty of men do fine with a single versatile fragrance for nearly everything. Others prefer a small wardrobe of two to four bottles split across seasons or occasions. Neither approach is wrong. ## How to Apply and Store Cologne ![Tips for buying and applying men's cologne](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mens-perfumes-and-cologne-buying-tips.jpg?resize=640%2C343&ssl=1) **Application Tips** - Start with one to three sprays depending on the fragrance’s concentration and projection, then adjust based on the setting. A strong parfum may call for less product than a lighter Eau de Toilette. - Common application points include the neck, chest, and forearms — pulse points aren’t the only option, and some men prefer applying to clothing (only when the manufacturer allows it, and after testing a small area for staining). - Test on skin before buying a full bottle, since performance can shift with temperature, humidity, formulation, and individual skin type. - Reapplying lightly later in the day is generally a better approach than applying heavily all at once. **How to Store Cologne Properly** ![Proper cologne storage away from heat and sunlight](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/perfume-and-cologne-for-men.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) - Keep bottles in a cool, dark place — a closet or dresser drawer generally works better than an open shelf. - Avoid direct sunlight, which can degrade fragrance oils over time. - Never leave a bottle in a hot car, even briefly — extreme heat is one of the fastest ways to affect a fragrance’s quality. - Avoid repeated temperature swings, which can affect a fragrance faster than steady storage conditions. - Bathroom medicine cabinets are a common but not ideal storage spot, since heat and humidity from showers can fluctuate more than in a bedroom or closet. Fragrance performance varies by skin, climate, and concentration. Sample before buying a full bottle whenever possible, particularly for higher-priced fragrances. ## Frequently Asked Questions **What is the best cologne for men?** There isn’t a single universal answer — it depends on your skin, budget, and where you’ll wear it. That said, Dior Sauvage is a widely recommended starting point because of how versatile it is across seasons and settings. **What men’s cologne lasts the longest?** Higher-concentration fragrances (Eau de Parfum and Parfum) are commonly described as more long-lasting than Eau de Toilette, though actual performance varies by skin chemistry, climate, and application. Options like Creed Aventus, Clive Christian No. 1, and Kilian Straight to Heaven are often noted for strong performance. **What is the difference between cologne and perfume?** Technically, “cologne” (Eau de Cologne) refers to a lighter concentration of perfume oil, while “perfume” and “parfum” refer to much higher concentrations. In everyday American usage, though, “cologne” is used broadly to mean any men’s fragrance, regardless of actual concentration. **How many sprays of cologne should a man use?** There’s no single correct number — it depends on the concentration and projection of the specific fragrance. Start with one to three sprays and adjust based on how the scent performs and the setting you’re wearing it in. **Where should a man apply cologne?** Common spots include the neck, chest, and forearms. Some men also apply lightly to clothing, though only when the manufacturer permits it and after testing a small area for staining. **Should you buy fragrance from Amazon?** Amazon can be a convenient place to purchase fragrance, but buyers should check who is listed as the actual seller, review the seller’s ratings and return policy, and compare the bottle, concentration, size, and packaging with the manufacturer’s official product information. Be cautious when a price appears dramatically lower than normal retail. **How can you tell whether a fragrance is authentic?** Check the batch code against the manufacturer’s official verification tools where available, look closely at bottle and box print quality, and be cautious of prices that are dramatically lower than typical retail. **Is eau de parfum stronger than eau de toilette?** Generally yes — Eau de Parfum has a higher concentration of fragrance oil than Eau de Toilette, which commonly means both a stronger initial scent and longer performance, though this can vary by specific formula. **Bottom Line: Our Top Three Picks** 1. **Dior Sauvage** — the most versatile all-around choice for most men 2. **Acqua di Giò** — the easiest everyday fragrance to wear well 3. **Creed Aventus** — worth considering if you want a luxury signature scent Looking for more grooming and style guidance? Check out our [men’s anti-aging skin care tips](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) and our [gift guide for men](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) for more ideas. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Cologne, Fragrance, Grooming, Lumbersexual, Perfumes, Scents, Woodsy, Woody --- ### [What Do Bad Dreams and Nightmares Mean?](https://guycounseling.com/bad-dreams-meaning/) **Published:** July 15, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Man waking up startled from a nightmare or bad dream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/dreaming-about-death-historical-perspective.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) **Quick answer:** Bad dreams and nightmares are usually your mind’s way of processing distress, unmet needs, or unresolved tension from waking life. Humans have been trying to decode them for thousands of years — and modern research is starting to explain why they happen, even if it can’t tell you exactly what any single dream means. ## Why Bad Dreams Happen Almost everyone has them. A dream where you’re being chased, where you fail at something important, where someone you trust turns on you, or where you simply wake up with your heart pounding and no clear memory of why. Bad dreams and nightmares are one of the most universal human experiences — and one of the least understood. For most of history, the explanation was mythological. Bad dreams were omens, warnings from the gods, visits from spirits, or messages that needed a priest, shaman, or seer to interpret. Long before anyone had a word for “psychology,” cultures across the world built entire systems around the idea that dreams meant something — that the sleeping mind had access to truths the waking mind couldn’t reach. That instinct hasn’t gone away. It’s just been joined by a more grounded explanation. Modern research suggests that bad dreams often reflect frustration — specifically, frustration tied to needs that aren’t being met in your waking life. One line of psychological research on daily and recurring dreams found that when people’s core psychological needs go unmet — the need to feel in control of your own choices, the need to feel connected to others, and the need to feel capable — that frustration shows up in dream content. The dreaming mind, in other words, may be working through problems the waking mind hasn’t fully processed. ## Bad Dream or Nightmare? The Difference Matters The two terms get used interchangeably, but they’re not quite the same thing. - **A bad dream** is unpleasant, uncomfortable, or unsettling, but doesn’t necessarily wake you up or leave a lasting emotional charge once you’re up and moving. - **A nightmare** is intense enough to jolt you awake, often with real physiological symptoms — racing heart, sweating, a lingering sense of dread that follows you into the first few minutes of being conscious. Both are considered normal, even healthy, parts of how the brain processes emotion during sleep. It’s only when they become frequent, severely disruptive, or tied to a specific trauma that they cross into something worth addressing directly rather than just shaking off. **What the research found:** In a pair of studies — one asking participants to reflect on a recurring dream, the other tracking entries from real dream diaries — researchers found a consistent pattern: people whose psychological needs went unmet, whether day-to-day or over longer stretches, reported more negative dreams involving themes like failure, attack, and anger. People whose needs were being met tended to describe their dreams in more positive terms, even when the dream content itself was similar. ## Why Some Nightmares Keep Coming Back Recurring nightmares aren’t random. Dream researchers and clinicians have long theorized that a dream that repeats itself is often circling something you haven’t finished processing — an ongoing stressor, an unresolved conflict, a fear you haven’t confronted directly while awake. The dream isn’t solving the problem for you, but it may be flagging that the problem is still open. This lines up with what the same research found: participants who described themselves as frustrated in daily life were more likely to report recurring bad dreams, and those dreams tended to center on a small number of themes — failure, and being attacked or under threat. If you’ve noticed a nightmare on repeat, it’s worth asking honestly what’s still unresolved in your waking life, rather than treating the dream as a stand-alone mystery. ## Common Nightmare Themes and What They Might Point To No dream dictionary can tell you exactly what your subconscious meant — dream interpretation isn’t an exact science, and the same image can mean something different depending on your life, your history, and what’s going on around you. But certain nightmare themes show up again and again, across cultures and across centuries, which suggests they’re tapping into something close to universal. **Being chased.** One of the most common nightmare scenarios there is. It often points to something in waking life you’re avoiding — a conversation, a decision, a feeling you haven’t let yourself fully sit with. Read more in our breakdown of [what dreams about being chased and hiding mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/). **Fighting or being attacked.** Conflict dreams frequently surface during periods of real tension — at work, at home, or internally, when you’re at odds with a decision or a version of yourself. See our full guide on [what dreams about fighting mean](https://guycounseling.com/fighting-dreams-decoded/). **Death and dying.** Despite how unsettling they feel, death dreams are rarely literal. They tend to cluster around endings, transitions, and change — the close of a chapter rather than a premonition. We cover this in depth in [what dying in a dream really means](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/). **Animals that unsettle you.** Predators and unwelcome creatures show up constantly in nightmare content, and different animals tend to carry different symbolic weight across folklore and modern interpretation alike — wolves circling back to instinct and threat, sharks to unseen danger, rats to feelings of being trapped or contaminated by a situation. If an animal keeps appearing in your dreams, it’s worth digging into what it specifically represents to you: our guides on [wolf dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-wolves-meaning/), [shark dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-sharks-interpreted/), and [rat dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/) go deeper on each. **Falling.** Almost universally reported, and almost universally tied to a loss of control — over a situation, a relationship, or your own footing in life at the moment. **Losing teeth.** One of the oldest recorded nightmare motifs, showing up in dream lore across cultures for centuries. Modern interpretation tends to link it to anxiety around appearance, aging, or a fear of losing power or control over how others see you. **Being unprepared or exposed.** Showing up to a test you didn’t study for, standing in public undressed, forgetting your lines — these tap directly into fear of judgment and not measuring up, and they spike during periods of real performance pressure. ## What the Ancients Believed — and What’s Held Up Dream interpretation is one of the oldest continuous threads in human thought. Ancient Egyptians kept dream books cataloguing symbols and their meanings. Ancient Greeks built temples specifically for dream incubation, where people would sleep in sacred spaces hoping the gods would send guidance. Many Indigenous traditions treat dreams as genuine visits from ancestors or the spirit world, deserving of the same weight as waking counsel. By the early 20th century, Sigmund Freud reframed dreams as a window into repressed desire, while Carl Jung took it further, arguing that dreams draw from a shared well of symbols — the collective unconscious — that shows up across unrelated cultures in strikingly similar forms. Modern dream science doesn’t fully endorse either framework, but the core instinct behind all of it has aged well: dreams aren’t noise. They’re doing something, even if the exact mechanism is still debated. What’s changed is the explanation for why certain themes recur so reliably across completely disconnected societies. Where ancient traditions pointed to shared spiritual realities, modern psychology points to shared human experience — everyone, everywhere, has feared losing control, being hunted, being exposed, or being left behind. It’s not surprising the dreaming mind reaches for the same handful of images to represent it. ## Working With Your Bad Dreams Instead of Just Enduring Them You can’t will yourself into better dreams, but you can work with the pattern rather than just white-knuckling through bad nights. - **Keep a short dream log.** You don’t need every detail — just the core image, the emotion, and one line about what was going on in your life that day. Patterns tend to surface fast once you’re tracking them. - **Look for the theme, not the literal image.** A dream about drowning and a dream about being buried alive can point to the same underlying feeling: being overwhelmed with no way out. Focus on the feeling first. - **Address the waking-life source directly.** If a recurring nightmare traces back to a real stressor — a conflict, a decision you’re avoiding, a need that isn’t being met — dealing with that directly tends to do more for the dream than anything you can do at bedtime. - **Protect your sleep basics.** Alcohol, erratic sleep schedules, and high stress right before bed all increase the frequency and intensity of nightmares. Sometimes the fix is less symbolic and more mechanical. ## When Nightmares Are a Sign of Something More Occasional bad dreams are normal. But frequent, severe nightmares — especially ones tied to a specific traumatic event, or ones disruptive enough to seriously affect your sleep and daily functioning — can be a sign of something like post-traumatic stress or a sleep disorder that benefits from professional support. If nightmares are a near-nightly occurrence or are getting in the way of your life, it’s worth talking to a doctor or therapist rather than trying to interpret your way out of it alone. ## The Bottom Line Bad dreams aren’t random static. Whether you lean toward the ancient view that they’re messages worth decoding, or the modern view that they’re your mind processing unmet needs and unresolved stress, both perspectives land in the same place: your worst dreams are usually pointing at something real. The question worth asking after a bad night isn’t just “what did that mean,” but “what’s actually going on in my life that my mind is working through while I sleep.” Curious what a specific dream might be telling you? Explore more [dream interpretation guides](https://guycounseling.com/?s=dreams) from Guy Counseling. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Do bad dreams actually mean something, or is that just superstition? Modern research suggests bad dreams often do reflect something real — frustration tied to unmet psychological needs or unresolved waking-life stress. That’s different from claiming a specific symbol has one fixed meaning, but the broader idea that dreams “mean something” has real support. ### Why do I keep having the same nightmare over and over? Recurring nightmares tend to circle back to something unresolved — an ongoing stressor, an unmet need, or a fear you haven’t fully faced while awake. The repetition itself is often the clue. ### Is it bad to have nightmares often? Occasional nightmares are normal and not a cause for concern. Frequent, severe nightmares — especially ones disrupting your sleep or daily functioning, or tied to a specific traumatic event — are worth discussing with a doctor or therapist. ### Can stress really cause nightmares? Yes. Elevated stress and unmet psychological needs are consistently linked to more frequent and more negative dream content in research on the topic. **Categories:** Lore **Tags:** Analysis, Bad Dreams, Dreams, Nightmares --- ### [Can Dads Get Postpartum Depression? Signs Every New Father Should Know](https://guycounseling.com/dads-postnatal-depression/) **Published:** July 15, 2026 **Author:** Chris Farmer **Content:** ![Exhausted new father holding his baby, showing the emotional strain of postpartum depression in dads](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/new-dad-depression.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Postpartum depression doesn’t just affect moms — a real share of new dads go through it too, often without ever naming it. **Quick answer:** Yes — postpartum depression in fathers is real, more common than most men realize, and it looks different than you’d expect. Irritability, numbness, and withdrawal are often bigger red flags in dads than sadness alone. It’s treatable, and asking for help is not a failure of fatherhood — it’s part of showing up for it. ## What Is Paternal Postpartum Depression? If the last few weeks or months have felt heavier than they should — if you’re short-tempered, checked out, or just not yourself since your baby arrived — you’re not imagining it, and you’re not the only father who’s been there. Paternal postpartum depression is a depressive episode that develops in a father during pregnancy or in the months following his child’s birth. It’s a recognized clinical pattern, not a metaphor for “new parent tiredness.” Studies on new fathers have found real, measurable rates of depression that persist well past the point where most people assume a new dad should have “adjusted.” It’s also not a sign that something is wrong with you as a man or as a father. It’s a response — psychological and, in many cases, hormonal — to one of the biggest identity shifts a person goes through. Testosterone levels in new fathers have been shown to dip in the months surrounding a birth, likely tied to increased caregiving behavior; layer that biological shift on top of disrupted sleep, new financial pressure, a changed relationship dynamic, and the sheer unfamiliarity of the role, and it’s not hard to see why some men’s mental health takes a hit. What makes it tricky is timing. Postpartum depression in mothers is generally screened for and discussed in the first weeks after birth. In fathers, it doesn’t always show up on that same timeline — it can build slowly, sometimes not peaking until three to six months in, right when everyone around you assumes you should be settling into the rhythm. ## Baby Blues vs. Real Depression: How to Tell the Difference Almost every new parent goes through some version of the “baby blues” — a short stretch of moodiness, overwhelm, and emotional unpredictability driven by sleep loss and the sheer size of the change happening. That’s normal, it’s common to both parents, and it typically fades within a couple of weeks as you find your footing. Paternal postpartum depression is different in three specific ways: - **Duration.** It doesn’t lift after a couple of weeks. It tends to hang around, or get worse, the longer it goes unaddressed. - **Intensity.** It interferes with your ability to function — at work, in your relationship, or in caring for your baby — rather than just making things harder. - **Onset timing.** While baby blues shows up almost immediately, paternal depression can start weeks or months after the birth, sometimes triggered by a specific stretch of exhaustion, conflict, or stress rather than the birth itself. If what you’re feeling has stuck around longer than two weeks, or if it’s actively getting in the way of your life, that’s the line between “adjusting” and something that deserves real attention. ## Why So Many Fathers Miss the Signs Most men never connect what they’re feeling to postpartum depression, for a few practical reasons. **The screening tools weren’t built with men in mind.** The standard questionnaire used to screen new mothers for depression — the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale — was designed around symptoms that show up more commonly in women: sadness, guilt, tearfulness. Research out of Lund University found that this scale regularly misses depression in fathers, because it doesn’t ask about the symptoms that tend to show up in men instead: irritability, restlessness, low frustration tolerance, and a creeping sense of losing control. Researchers there developed a combined screening approach specifically because the standard tool underperforms for dads — a strong signal that paternal depression looks and behaves differently, not that it’s less real. **Nobody’s checking on dads.** New mothers are routinely screened for postpartum depression at pediatric and OB visits. Fathers, in most cases, are not screened at all — which means the people around a new dad may have no structured way of noticing something’s wrong, even when it’s serious. **Depression in men often doesn’t look like “depression.”** The cultural image of depression — tears, sadness, talking about feeling low — doesn’t match how a lot of men actually experience it. In men, depression frequently shows up as anger, irritability, escapism (overworking, drinking more, disappearing into screens), or physical complaints like headaches and stomach issues. If you’re picturing depression as “sadness,” you might rule yourself out without realizing you’re describing it in a different vocabulary. **There’s a script new fathers feel pressure to follow.** You’re supposed to be thrilled. You’re supposed to be the steady one, the provider, the guy who has it handled. Admitting you’re struggling can feel like it breaks that script — and combined with the broader reluctance many men already feel about seeking mental health support, it’s a quiet problem that stays quiet. **What the research shows:** A Lund University study of over 400 new fathers found that current screening methods fail to catch many cases of paternal depression, and that men experiencing it commonly report irritability, restlessness, and reduced self-control rather than classic sadness. Roughly 1 in 12 new fathers experience depression in the first year, compared with 10–12% of new mothers. Among fathers with moderate to severe symptoms, the large majority — more than 80% — hadn’t told anyone what they were going through. ## Signs and Symptoms of Paternal Postpartum Depression Depression in new fathers doesn’t always look like the depression you’ve seen described elsewhere. Watch for a cluster of these, especially if they’ve stuck around for more than two weeks: - **Irritability or a short fuse** — snapping at your partner, your baby’s crying, or things that never used to bother you - **Anger** that feels disproportionate to what’s actually happening - **Emotional numbness** — going through the motions of fatherhood without feeling connected to it - **Withdrawal** from your partner, friends, or activities you used to care about - **Anxiety** that runs in the background most of the day, or spikes around your baby’s needs - **Sadness** that doesn’t have an obvious cause and doesn’t lift - **Loss of interest** in things that used to matter to you, including your baby - **Sleep disruption beyond what a newborn explains** — unable to fall back asleep even when the baby is down, or sleeping far more than usual A few additional patterns worth naming, since they’re common in men but rarely make the standard checklists: throwing yourself into work as a way to avoid being home, an uptick in drinking, a short temper with your partner that feels out of character, and physical symptoms like tension headaches, jaw clenching, or stomach issues that don’t have another obvious cause. You don’t need every item on this list for it to be worth taking seriously. A few of these, showing up consistently, is enough reason to check in with yourself — or better, with someone qualified to help you sort out what’s going on. ## What Increases the Risk Paternal postpartum depression doesn’t have a single cause. It’s usually a build-up of pressure from a few directions at once. **Sleep deprivation.** Chronic sleep loss is one of the most reliable predictors of depressive symptoms in new parents of either gender. It’s not just about feeling tired — sustained sleep disruption affects mood regulation, patience, and the brain’s ability to cope with stress at a physiological level. **Relationship stress.** A new baby puts real pressure on a partnership — less time together, different priorities, exhaustion on both sides, and disagreements about parenting decisions. Tension at home during an already high-demand stretch is a significant risk factor on its own. **Financial pressure.** New costs, possibly reduced income if one parent takes time off, and the psychological weight some men feel around being a provider all add up. Financial stress is consistently linked to depression generally, and new fatherhood tends to intensify it. **A history of depression.** A previous depressive episode, at any point in your life, raises your risk this time around. This isn’t a guarantee — plenty of men with no history develop postpartum depression, and plenty with a history don’t — but it’s worth being extra attentive to your own patterns if this applies to you. **Your partner experiencing postpartum depression.** Paternal and maternal postpartum depression are closely linked. When one parent is struggling, the other’s risk goes up — partly from the added caregiving load, and partly from the emotional weight of watching someone you love go through it. None of these mean depression is guaranteed. They just mean it’s worth paying closer attention to how you’re doing, especially if more than one applies to you right now. ## How This Affects Your Family — Not Just You Paternal depression rarely stays contained to one person in the house. Research on new fathers found that babies of depressed parents tend to receive less stimulation and engagement day to day, which can affect early development over time. Depression can also make it harder to read your baby’s cues, and in more severe cases has been linked to a higher risk of neglect or overly forceful responses to a crying or fussy infant — not because a father wants to react that way, but because depression narrows patience and capacity under stress. It shows up in the relationship, too. Emotional withdrawal and irritability are hard on a partnership that’s already stretched thin by a newborn. Partners of depressed fathers often describe feeling like they’re parenting alone even when their partner is physically present — which, over time, erodes both the relationship and the depressed parent’s own sense of connection to the family. And it shows up in parenting itself. Bonding with a new baby is difficult when you feel numb, anxious, or checked out, even if you love your child completely. Some fathers describe a painful gap between how they expected to feel about their baby and how they actually feel — a gap that depression, not lack of love, is usually responsible for. This isn’t meant to add guilt on top of what you’re already carrying. It’s the opposite: getting support for yourself is one of the most direct ways to protect your bond with your baby and your partner. A father who gets treatment is, in a very literal sense, taking care of his whole family — not just himself. ## Treatment That Works The good news, and it’s real: paternal postpartum depression responds well to treatment. Many fathers who get support start feeling more like themselves within weeks, not years. **Therapy.** Talking to a therapist who understands what new fatherhood actually involves can help you make sense of what’s happening and start moving through it, rather than white-knuckling your way past it. This doesn’t have to mean years of sessions — for many fathers, a focused stretch of therapy is enough to build real traction. **Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).** A structured, practical approach that helps you identify the thought patterns feeding your irritability, anxiety, or numbness, and build new ones in their place. CBT tends to appeal to men who want something concrete to work on rather than open-ended talk therapy, though both approaches can be effective. **Support groups.** Hearing from other fathers who’ve gone through the same thing can cut through the isolation faster than almost anything else. Knowing you’re not the only man who’s felt this way changes how heavy it feels to carry. **Medication, when appropriate.** For some men, especially with more severe symptoms, medication managed by a physician or psychiatrist is part of an effective plan. It’s not a sign of weakness or a last resort — it’s one tool among several, and for many men it’s what makes therapy and daily functioning possible in the first place. **Lifestyle changes.** Protecting sleep where you realistically can (even in small blocks), regular movement, time outdoors, and rebuilding small pieces of routine all support recovery alongside professional treatment. None of these replace treatment on their own, but they add up. **Actually asking for help.** The single biggest barrier for most fathers isn’t access to treatment — it’s saying the words out loud to someone in the first place. That first conversation, whether it’s with a partner, a doctor, a friend, or a therapist, is usually the hardest part and the biggest turning point. ## Talking to Your Partner and Support System Bringing this up out loud is often harder than living with it silently — but it changes everything once you do. A few things that tend to help: - **Name it plainly.** “I think I might be dealing with something more than tired” is enough of an opening line. You don’t need a diagnosis before you’re allowed to say something feels wrong. - **Pick a low-pressure moment.** Not mid-argument, not at 3 a.m. with the baby crying. A calm moment, even a short one, works better than trying to have a perfect, fully-prepared conversation. - **Expect your partner might already suspect it.** Many partners notice the irritability or withdrawal before the father names it himself — bringing it up often lands as relief, not surprise. - **Let it be a shared problem.** If your partner is also navigating her own postpartum recovery, this isn’t about handing her something extra to manage — it’s about both of you having accurate information about what’s actually going on in the house. If talking to your partner first feels like too much, starting with a doctor, a therapist, or even a close friend is a reasonable first move. The goal isn’t the “right” first conversation — it’s just having one. ## What You Can Do This Week Professional treatment is the foundation of real recovery, but there are a handful of things you can start doing on your own right now, alongside getting support: - **Protect one block of sleep, even a small one.** You may not control the whole night, but trading off a single stretch with your partner — even 3 or 4 uninterrupted hours — measurably helps mood and patience. - **Get outside daily, even briefly.** A walk around the block with the stroller does more for mood regulation than it sounds like it should. Daylight and movement are two of the cheapest, most consistent levers you have. - **Name one person you’ll talk to.** Not a plan for a whole conversation — just decide who it will be. Having a specific person in mind makes it far more likely you’ll actually reach out. - **Watch the escape hatches.** Overworking, extra drinking, or disappearing into your phone for hours are common ways men cope with depression without naming it as coping. Noticing the pattern is often the first real insight into what’s going on. - **Give yourself permission to not be fine.** You don’t need to have this figured out, and you don’t need to be the strong one every hour of every day. That expectation is part of what keeps men from getting help in the first place. None of this replaces professional support if what you’re dealing with is real depression rather than ordinary adjustment. Think of these as scaffolding around treatment, not a substitute for it. ## When to Get Help Right Away **Some symptoms need attention now, not eventually.** If you’re experiencing any of the following, reach out for immediate support: - Thoughts of suicide or feeling like your family would be better off without you - Fear that you might hurt yourself - Fear that you might hurt your baby or someone else in your household If any of this applies to you right now, call or text **988** (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or text **HOME to 741741** to reach the Crisis Text Line. Both are free, confidential, and available 24/7 across the U.S. If you or your baby are in immediate danger, call 911. Research on new fathers found that roughly one-third of dads with depressive symptoms reported thoughts of harming themselves — and the large majority never told anyone. If that’s you, you don’t have to carry it alone, and reaching out is not an overreaction. ## You’re Not Failing — You’re Adjusting Becoming a father changes you, all at once, without much warning about how hard parts of it would be. Struggling with that doesn’t make you a worse dad. It makes you human, and it makes you someone who’s paying attention to what he’s going through instead of pretending it isn’t there. Talking to someone — a therapist, a doctor, even a close friend who’s been through it — is often the first real step back toward feeling like yourself. It won’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t have to. Small, honest steps forward count. Want more on navigating fatherhood, mental health, and everything in between? Check out more from our [Dad section](https://guycounseling.com/category/dad/), or browse the full [mental health section for men](https://guycounseling.com/category/mind/) for more on mental health, relationships, and living well. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Is postpartum depression in dads actually real, or is it just stress? It’s real, and it’s distinct from general new-parent stress or “baby blues.” Research on new fathers has documented consistent depressive symptoms — including irritability, low mood, and loss of interest — that persist well beyond the normal adjustment period and meet the criteria for a depressive episode. ### When does paternal postpartum depression usually start? It can begin during pregnancy or any time in the first year after birth. Many fathers don’t notice symptoms until months in, partly because attention and support tend to fade for dads once the initial newborn period passes. ### Can paternal postpartum depression go away on its own? Some milder adjustment stress does ease naturally. Depression that persists beyond a couple of weeks typically needs active treatment — therapy, and in some cases medication — to fully resolve. Waiting it out tends to prolong the impact on you and your family rather than shorten it. ### What’s the difference between paternal postpartum depression and just being exhausted? Exhaustion improves with rest. Paternal postpartum depression persists even on the rare night you get real sleep, and it comes with emotional changes — numbness, irritability, anxiety, loss of interest — that exhaustion alone doesn’t explain. ### Can postpartum depression affect dads who adopted or used a surrogate? Yes. While hormonal shifts play a role for biological fathers, the sleep loss, identity change, relationship strain, and pressure that drive paternal postpartum depression apply to any father navigating the transition into a newborn’s first year, regardless of how his child came into the family. ### Does paternal postpartum depression mean I’ll always struggle to bond with my child? No. A rocky start with bonding is a symptom of the depression, not a permanent state. Fathers who get treatment consistently describe their connection with their child deepening as their symptoms improve — the depression was standing in the way, not a lack of love. **Categories:** Dads **Tags:** dads mental health, Depression in Men, Fatherhood, New Dads, new father mental health, paternal postpartum depression, postpartum depression in dads --- ### [5 Fascinating Facts About the 1967 Chevy Camaro](https://guycounseling.com/camaro-1967-facts/) **Published:** June 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/67-camaro-green-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)1967 Chevy Camaro Facts** Are you a fan of the 1967 Chevy Camaro? When you see this car on the highway, does it grab your attention? Curious about the history of this automobile? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. In the past, I’ve written about [classic muscle cars](https://guycounseling.com/7-reasons-guys-like-classic-muscle-cars/). Let’s face it, most guys dig these kinds of vehicles because of their unique, manly design. If truth be told, the reason I like the 67’ Camaro is that it represents a period in automobile manufacturing that is long gone. Starting in the mid-1960’s, cars began to take on a rugged, manly vibe. They were sporty, compact and fast. For guys who were trying to project alpha, these babies rocked. \[[See our post on alpha male traits](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/).\] But I digress. The 67’ Camaro was no doubt an automobile of “firsts”. As you read what follows, bear in mind the era in which this car was made. Think American innovation, speed, and pride. The cold war was still very much on. [JFK](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) was dead and wireless technologies were the stuff of fantasy. To help complete this mental picture, the hit movies of the time were: *Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner*, *Bonnie and Clyde* and – *The Graduate*. Here’s what you’ll learn from this piece. - Quick facts about the 67 Chevy Camaro - Video on the car - Special historical information - Car options unique to the Camaro - Camaro book ## 1. Who created the 67 Camaro? The original version of the Chevy Camaro was conceived from a place of necessity. Back in the 1960’s, Ford had a wildly popular vehicle called the Mustang. To compete, General Motors began drawing up secret plans for the launch of a new car. The entire project was given the codename  “Panther” (Settlemire, 2005). Highlights - The name of the car (Camaro) was thought up by Chevy’s merchandising manager Bob Lund and GM’s vice president Ed Rollet. - On June 28, 1966, at a press conference held in Detroit, the new car line was announced by the company general manager, Pete Estes. - It had a designated project code of XP-836. - When the name “Camaro” was announced, it was somewhat of a scandal. The folks at GM suggested the name was derived from French slang to mean “friend” or “pal”. The problem is Camaro really isn’t a French word. ![chevy camaro ss](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/1967-camaro-gold.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)67 Chevy Camaro SS Model ## 2. Rollout of the 67 Camaro The first Camaro went on sale on September 29, 1966 for model year 1967. The car itself shared some of the same components of another GM auto that also was introduced in 67’; the Pontiac Firebird. Here are some highlights: - 220,000 67’ model cars were sold during 1967. - Featured rear wheel drive. - Was available as a two-door coupé or convertible with 2+2 seating. - Choice of V8 powerplants as part of the power system. Here, we are talking about the engine, transmission, drive shafts, and differentials. - Depending upon options, the original Camaro cost between $2,800-$3,500. ## ![chevy camaro 1967 black](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/1967-camaro-black-1.jpg?resize=632%2C381&ssl=1)3. Unique features of the 69 Camaro In addition to some of the points mentioned above, there were several features that were unique to this vehicle. It’s important to point out that some of the marketing behind the Camaro was in reaction to a book authored by Ralph Nadar called *[Unsafe at Any Speed](https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/27/automobiles/50-years-ago-unsafe-at-any-speed-shook-the-auto-world.html)*. In it, Nadar exposed many safety problems regarding cars of the era. For example, Chevy took a hit because its *Corvair* vehicle was mentioned in the book. To compensate, GM highlighted the fact that Camaro had the same rear-drive, front engine setup as the Nova II and the Ford Mustang. Highlights: - First generation offered a Super Sport or Rally Sport option. - The Z/28 model was added in 1967, featuring distinctive stripes on the trunk and hood. - Rally road wheels were offered - Car was built on the old GM-F Platform. - Consumers had a total of seven different engine models! ## ![67 camaro red](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/67-camaro-red-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)4. Time constraints Remember, at the time, GM was under tremendous pressure to get a car rolled out to compete with Ford’s Mustang. Just to give you an idea, in 1966 Mustang was doing massively well, selling a whopping 607,000 automobiles. Sales took a hit in 1967, dropping to 472,000. By 1968, the number of Mustangs sold plummeted to 317,000. The decline, at least in part, was due to GM’s production and marketing efforts. Highlights: - Designers at one time had considered making a station wagon version of the car but quickly abandoned those plans. - Nearly all of the original Camaro’s were built in two American assembly plants: Norwood, Ohio and Van Nuys, California. - Some were assembled at the company’s Biel, Switzerland plant. - Car was built mostly from sheet metal except for the hood and trunk lid. ## ![1967 Chevrolet Camaro RS](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/1967-camaro-rs.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)5. Engine and transmission options As mentioned earlier, there were 7 engine options available. It came standard with a manual three-speed transmission. By the time 1969 rolled around, consumers had 12 engine options. Other facts: - Original Camaro shared a subframe and semi-unibody design with the 1968 Chevy II Nova. - RS option included “hidden headlights”, backup lights under rear bumper, and exterior bright trim. - SS option (SS performance package) included a V8 engine with Chassis upgrades for greater power and better handling. - Z/28 option offered a V-8 engine and optional 4-speed transmission. The two wide stripes, characteristic of Z/28, were placed on hood and trunk. ## Wrap Up Since the 1960’s, there have been six generations of Camaros. Many style changes have happened over the decades. If you are looking to read more on this classic American car, head on over to [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2zVxRSl) and pick up a copy of *Camaro: Fifty Years of Chevy Performance* by Mike Mueller. When people ask me my about my favorite muscle cars, I’m here to say that the 1967 Camaro ranks high on the list. The ultimate Camaro, at least to me, is the [1969 COPO](https://www.supercars.net/blog/1969-chevrolet-camaro-zl1-copo-9560/), But hey, that’s another blog post. Thanks for stopping by. — Photo images: Flickr **References:** Settlemire, S. (2005). *The Day the Panther Died*. Retrieved from Generations of GM History: https://history.gmheritagecenter.com/wiki/index.php/The\_Day\_the\_Panther\_Died **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** 1967 Chevy Camaro, American muscle cars, automotive history, Camaro facts, Chevy Camaro, classic muscle cars --- ### [Should I Start an OnlyFans to Make Extra Money?](https://guycounseling.com/should-i-start-an-onlyfans/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![man reflecting on starting an only fans account to make extra money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/young-man-reflecting-window-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Thinking of Starting an OnlyFans Account for Extra Money? **His Question:** > Dear Jack, > > I’m behind on bills and I keep seeing people online talking about how much money they make on OnlyFans. It seems like an easy way to catch up — post some pictures, get subscribers, done. But something about it makes me hesitate, and I can’t tell if that hesitation is smart or if I’m just overthinking it. Is this actually a good way to make money, or am I about to make a huge mistake? > > **— Considering It** **The Answer:** Dear Considering It, I’m not going to tell you this is a bad idea, and I’m not going to tell you it’s a good one. What I want to do instead is slow the whole thing down, because right now you’re making a financial decision based on a highlight reel, and highlight reels are the worst possible data set to work from. I’ll be straight with you — I’ve had friends bring me this exact question before, half-joking, half-serious. And I know at least a couple people who’ve actually done it. So this isn’t hypothetical territory for me. I’ve watched this play out in real time, close enough to see the parts that never make it into the screenshots. Here’s the honest version: some creators do make real money on OnlyFans. A small number make a lot of money. But the version of this business you’re seeing on social media — post a few photos, watch the subscriptions roll in — is the exception dressed up as the rule. For most people, opening the account is the easy part. Building an audience that actually pays you is the job, and it’s a real one, with real hours attached to it. So before we get into the practical stuff, I want to ask you a harder question, because I think it matters more than the math. ## Why Are You Actually Doing This? Not “why do you need money” — I believe you on that part. I mean: what’s actually pulling you toward this specific solution? For some people it’s straightforward financial pressure. For others it’s curiosity, or the appeal of being looked at and wanted, or a confidence boost they’re hoping to borrow from strangers, or a partner who planted the idea. Some people are drawn to the performance itself — the photography, the persona, the creative control — independent of the money entirely. None of these motivations are shameful. Adults are allowed to make legal adult content, and if part of you is genuinely energized by that idea, that’s not a character flaw you need to explain away. But motivations produce very different outcomes, and it’s worth being honest with yourself about which one is actually driving the car. ## Wanting the Money vs. Wanting the Work This is the distinction I’d sit with the longest: **do you want to create adult content, or do you want the income you imagine adult content will produce?** Those are not the same desire, even though they can feel identical from the outside. Wanting money is universal — everybody wants more of it. But this specific path only works if you also want the day-to-day labor of it: the photo editing, the caption writing, the direct messages, the custom requests, the promotion on other platforms, the customer service, the content calendar, the algorithm-chasing, the doing-it-again-tomorrow. If what you actually want is money, and adult content is just the vehicle you’ve landed on because it looks fast, it’s worth asking whether you’d feel the same pull toward a job you found boring or draining, if it paid the same. If the answer is no — if this only appeals to you because it’s *this* — that’s useful information. It doesn’t mean don’t do it. It means know what you’re signing up for. ## Exhibitionism and Being Seen Some people genuinely enjoy showing their bodies, being watched, being desired by an audience. That’s not a problem to be solved or a sign that something’s wrong with you. Plenty of well-adjusted people find real, uncomplicated pleasure in that kind of visibility. **Related:** [How men destory their self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-men-do-that-kill-their-self-esteem/) The thing worth separating out is whether that enjoyment is durable, or whether it’s standing in for something else — a need for reassurance, a low patch in how attractive or wanted you’ve been feeling, a way to answer a question about your own desirability by outsourcing the answer to strangers. Validation earned this way tends to be a leaky bucket. It feels good in the moment and then needs to be refilled constantly, because it was never really about the specific people subscribing — it was about needing *someone* to. Ask yourself: if the money were mediocre, would you still want to do this? One friend of mine actually failed that test, in a good way — she realized the money was secondary to how much she liked the creative side of it, and that told her something real about her own motivations. Another friend realized the opposite, and backed out before posting anything. Neither of them was wrong. They just knew themselves before they started, instead of finding out the hard way. ## The Emotional Weight Nobody Mentions The parts of this business that don’t make it onto anyone’s success story: subscribers who unsubscribe, comparison to other creators who seem to be doing better, message requests that range from fine to degrading, slow weeks that feel like personal rejection even when they’re just math, and the strange experience of your body becoming a product with performance metrics attached to it. That last one is worth sitting with. Once your body is the content, feedback on the content can start to feel like feedback on you. Some people build a clean separation between the persona and the self. Others find the line gets blurry fast, and a bad week of subscriber numbers starts to feel like a referendum on their own worth. You won’t know for certain which type you are until you’re in it, but it’s worth asking honestly which seems more likely for you. ## Boundary Drift This is one of the more predictable patterns in this line of work: people start with content they’re genuinely comfortable with, and then discover that more explicit content earns more attention and more money. The pressure to go further isn’t usually external and dramatic — it’s quiet and financial. It shows up as “just this once” and “just for this one subscriber” and “just to hit this month’s number.” Two questions are worth answering *before* you’re in a moment where money is on the table: **What are you unwilling to do, even if someone offers you a lot of money for it?** **What will you do if the content you’re actually comfortable making doesn’t sell as well as you hoped?** Write the answers down now, while you’re thinking clearly, not later while you’re staring at a subscriber count. ## Your Career Isn’t Automatically Safe I wish we lived in a world where adults could create legal content without it following them into every corner of their lives. We don’t live in that world. I’ve heard versions of this story enough times that it’s worth describing as a composite: someone in a public-facing job gets recognized by a coworker. The account becomes office gossip. Management, without ever saying so directly, starts treating the person differently. Months later, they’re let go for reasons that are technically unrelated — a reorganization, a performance concern, “not a fit.” No one ever says the OnlyFans account was the reason. No one has to. The timing speaks for itself, even when it can’t be proven. I’m not telling you that to scare you into anything. I’m telling you because “my employer is progressive” or “this is legal, so it doesn’t matter” are both true statements that won’t necessarily protect you. Work is not a democracy. Office culture, client relationships, and the personal comfort of the people above you can affect your job regardless of what’s legally defensible. ## Nothing Is Actually Private Paywalls create the impression of privacy. They don’t create the reality of it. Content gets screenshotted, downloaded, reposted to free sites, discussed in group chats, and occasionally discovered years after the fact by someone you never expected to see it. The honest question isn’t “will this stay private.” It’s: **would you still post this if your coworkers, your parents, a future partner, or a future employer eventually saw it?** If the answer is a genuine yes, that tells you something. If the answer is “I hope they never do,” that’s telling you something too. ## What This Does to Relationships If you’re currently with someone, this is a conversation, not a unilateral decision — even though it’s your body and your income. Partners are allowed to have their own boundaries around this, and pretending otherwise usually just delays a harder conversation instead of avoiding it. Direct messages with subscribers can start to feel like a form of intimacy, even when you don’t intend them that way, and that’s worth being upfront about rather than discovering by accident. If you’re single, it’s worth thinking about how this affects dating going forward — who you’d tell, when, and how you’d want a future partner to react to something they might eventually find on their own. I’ve watched this become the thing a relationship quietly revolves around, even when both people insisted at the start that it wouldn’t. It’s not that it can’t work. It’s that it takes more honesty, upfront and ongoing, than most people plan for. ## Protecting Yourself If you decide to move forward, some basic groundwork matters: - A stage name, separate from anything connected to your real identity - A dedicated email and separate social accounts, not linked to your personal ones - Awareness of anything identifying in your content — tattoos, work uniforms, recognizable locations, landmarks, backgrounds - A plan for what happens if someone tries to identify or locate you from your content - Consent and privacy protection for anyone else who appears alongside you None of this guarantees anonymity. It reduces the odds of an easy connection between the account and your name. ## The Math Is Not What It Looks Like Revenue and take-home pay are different numbers. Once you subtract platform fees, taxes, equipment, lighting, editing time, promotional effort on other platforms, and the hours spent on content that never gets posted, the real hourly return is often much lower than the gross number that gets screenshotted and shared online. **Related:** [How to improve your relationship with money](https://guycounseling.com/improve-relationship-money/) Before you commit any real time to this, it’s worth actually running the numbers — what a realistic subscriber count and price point would generate, minus platform cut and taxes, divided by the hours you’d realistically spend building and maintaining it. Compare that hourly figure to what you could earn elsewhere. Sometimes it holds up. Often it doesn’t, at least not at the start. ## You’re Building on Rented Land Your account exists at the platform’s discretion. Payment processors, policy changes, and account restrictions are all things creators have run into with little warning and less recourse. If your entire income depends on one platform’s continued cooperation, you don’t fully control your own business — the platform does. ## If the Real Problem Is Short-Term Money Every friend I’ve talked to about this started from the same screenshot — someone else’s best month, presented as a baseline. All that glitters isn’t gold, and nowhere is that more true than in an industry built on people only posting their wins. If what’s actually driving this is a temporary financial squeeze, it’s worth asking whether a permanent digital footprint is the right tool for a temporary problem. That doesn’t mean the answer is no. It means the trade should be made deliberately: a short-term fix that could have a long tail, weighed honestly against other short-term fixes — a second job, selling things you don’t need, negotiating your bills, a temporary loan from someone you trust, gig work that doesn’t leave a lasting trace. None of these are as fast or as glamorous. Some of them are also fully reversible, which is worth something on its own. *(If you want to go further down this road, the documentary [TMZ Presents: The War Over OnlyFans](https://www.hulu.com/series/tmz-presents-the-war-over-onlyfans) on Hulu is worth a watch — not as the final word, but as another data point.)* ## Frequently Asked Questions **Is OnlyFans worth it?** For a small number of creators, yes — the income can be real and significant. For most people, the return doesn’t match the effort once you factor in platform fees, taxes, and the hours spent on promotion and content creation that never show up in anyone’s screenshot. Whether it’s “worth it” depends less on the platform and more on whether you actually want the day-to-day work of running it. **Should I do OnlyFans?** That’s a personal decision that depends on your motivation, your risk tolerance around privacy and career exposure, and whether you want the actual work of content creation — not just the income. There’s no universal right answer. The questions in this article are meant to help you find your own. **Can OnlyFans affect my career?** Yes, it can, even if the content is completely legal. Coworkers or clients recognizing an account can change workplace dynamics in ways that are hard to prove but real to experience. Legal protection and workplace comfort are not the same thing. **Is OnlyFans easy money?** Opening an account is easy. Earning meaningful, consistent income from it usually isn’t. Building a paying subscriber base typically requires ongoing promotion, content planning, and direct engagement with subscribers — closer to running a small business than posting a few photos. **What are the risks of starting an OnlyFans?** The main risks are career exposure, loss of digital privacy once content exists online, emotional strain from public feedback and comparison, pressure toward more explicit content over time, and the gap between gross revenue and actual take-home pay after fees and expenses. ## Before You Decide, Ask Yourself - Would I still do this if the income turned out to be modest? - Would I still do this if people at work found out? - Do I actually want the work, or only the money? - What are my hard boundaries, and will I hold them under financial pressure? - Would I make the same choice knowing this content could exist online forever? I’m not going to tell you what to do, because I don’t think that’s mine to tell you. Every person I know who’s walked this road has landed somewhere different, and honestly, that’s kind of the point — there’s no universal right answer here, just an honest one for you. What I’ll say is this: make the decision with your eyes open, not because social media sold you a fantasy about instant wealth. Whatever you decide, I hope it’s for reasons that are actually yours. **— Jack** **Categories:** Ask Jack, Mind **Tags:** Ask Jack, Career, Decision Making, Making Money, OnlyFans, Privacy --- ### [My Wife and I Aren’t Having Sex Since the Baby Was Born](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-after-baby/) **Published:** July 15, 2026 **Author:** Chris Farmer **Content:** *![New father sitting on the edge of the bed while his wife sleeps beside their baby's bassinet.](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/husband-next-to-wife-feeling-neglected-man-wife.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)* *“It’s been months. I love my wife, I love our baby, but I feel like I’ve lost my marriage. Is this normal — and does it ever come back?”* Yes, this is common. For many couples, sexual closeness does return — but usually gradually, and sometimes with honest conversation, medical support, or relationship repair along the way. Here’s what’s actually going on, and what tends to help. ## Why this happens Nobody warns you how total the disruption is. A newborn doesn’t just take up time — it takes up the exact resources sex requires: privacy, energy, a sense of safety in your own body, and the mental bandwidth to be present instead of scanning for a crying baby. There’s a physical layer to this that many men underestimate. The six-week postpartum visit is sometimes treated like a finish line, but many women don’t feel physically or emotionally ready for sex at that point. Healing after a vaginal delivery or C-section may take considerably longer, particularly when there was tearing, pain, bleeding, surgical recovery, or a difficult birth. Breastfeeding can also lower estrogen levels, which contributes to vaginal dryness and discomfort well past whatever mark her doctor gave her. Her body isn’t malfunctioning — it’s doing what postpartum bodies do, on its own timeline. **Related:** [Dads get get postnatal depression too](https://guycounseling.com/dads-postnatal-depression/) There’s a psychological layer too. After spending all day feeding, holding, soothing, and being physically needed, she may reach the evening feeling like she has nothing left to give through touch. That’s not a rejection of you. And underneath both of those is sleep deprivation, which quietly wrecks desire for both partners. Wanting anything beyond survival takes energy that often just isn’t there yet. ## What it’s doing to you None of that makes it hurt less on your end. It’s common — and reasonable — to feel some combination of rejected, lonely, unsure whether this is temporary, and guilty for even thinking about your own needs when your wife just went through childbirth and is keeping a human alive on four hours of sleep. A few things worth naming honestly: - **Missing sex isn’t shallow.** Sex is often how couples stay emotionally connected, not just physically. Missing it can really mean missing *her* — missing feeling wanted, missing the version of your relationship that existed before you became “Mom and Dad” instead of two people who chose each other. - **Guilt and resentment can coexist.** You can feel for what she’s going through and still feel the loss of your own. Those aren’t contradictory. You are allowed to talk about your loneliness, too. Supporting your wife does not require pretending you have no needs of your own. The challenge is expressing those needs without turning sex into an obligation or a test of her love. - **Silence makes it worse.** Couples who don’t talk about this tend to drift into a “roommate” dynamic where the topic becomes too loaded to bring up at all, which compounds the distance. ## What doesn’t help A few common instincts tend to backfire: **Keeping score.** Tracking how long it’s been, or dropping hints about how long it’s been, turns sex into a transaction and adds pressure exactly where pressure kills desire. **Waiting for her to bring it up.** She may not know how to bring it up either. She may feel guilty, worried about hurting you, or unsure how to explain what’s happening in her own body. Silence from you can read as either patience or indifference, and she may not be able to tell which. **Making it a conversation only about sex.** If the first real conversation you two have about this starts with “we need to talk about our sex life,” it tends to land as pressure rather than intimacy, even if that’s not how you meant it. ## What actually helps **Talk to her when you’re not trying to initiate anything.** Pick a low-stakes moment — a walk, driving somewhere, after the baby’s asleep — and lead with connection, not deprivation. Something like: *“I miss you. Not just sex, just us. Can we figure out how to find each other again?”* That framing invites her in instead of putting her on the defensive. **Ask, don’t assume.** Some of what’s going on for her is physical, some is emotional, and some may be specific to her — pain, anxiety, body image changes, or plain exhaustion. You may not know which unless you ask, gently, without treating it like an interrogation. **Rebuild non-sexual touch and closeness first.** Physical intimacy after a long dry spell rarely restarts at the same place it left off. Holding hands, a real hug that lasts more than two seconds, sitting close on the couch, a back rub with zero expectation attached — these rebuild a sense of physical safety and connection that sex depends on. Trying to skip straight back to sex often triggers the exact touched-out feeling you’re trying to avoid. **Take meaningful responsibility for the household and the baby** — not as a strategy for getting sex, but because exhaustion and resentment make closeness harder. Handle something fully without waiting to be directed, whether that means dinner, laundry, bottles, bedtime, or a stretch of nighttime care. **Get curious about her experience, not just the timeline.** If she brings up pain, don’t just note it and move on — pelvic floor physical therapy is a real, effective, and increasingly common resource for postpartum pain during sex, worth mentioning as an option, not as a suggestion that something’s wrong with her. **Redefine intimacy for this season, on purpose.** Some couples find it genuinely helps to name that they’re in a different chapter right now — closeness looks like a hand on her back while she’s making a bottle, a real “how are you, actually” once the baby’s down, a five-minute check-in that isn’t about logistics. It’s not a replacement for physical intimacy long-term, but it keeps the connection alive while she recovers. ## When to pay closer attention For many couples, sexual closeness returns gradually. A few things are worth taking more seriously: - If it’s been many months and there’s been no real conversation about it at all, not even an acknowledgment that it’s happening. - If either of you is starting to feel like strangers, or resentment is showing up in other areas — parenting decisions, small arguments, general distance. - If your wife describes ongoing pain, sadness, anxiety, or a persistent sense of not feeling like herself — these can be signs of postpartum depression or anxiety, which are common, treatable, and worth mentioning to her doctor. Struggles with mood after having a baby aren’t a character flaw or something to push through alone. A couples therapist isn’t a last resort for a dying marriage — for a lot of new parents, a few sessions during this stretch is just maintenance, the same way you’d see a mechanic before the car actually breaks down. ## The bottom line A dry spell after a baby does not automatically mean your marriage is broken. It happens to many couples during the first year, but avoiding the subject can turn a temporary season into deeper distance. Keep talking, remove pressure from an immediate return to intercourse, and continue making room for small forms of closeness. You may not recover your old sex life exactly as it was. That does not mean the two of you cannot build one that feels connected, wanted, and good again. **Categories:** Dads **Tags:** Fatherhood, Intimacy After Baby, Marriage After Baby, New Dads, Postpartum Relationships, Relationship Communication --- ### [How to Shave Your Butt Safely Without Razor Burn](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/) **Published:** July 12, 2026 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** **Affiliate Disclosure:** Guy Counseling is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some links in this article are affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission on qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. We only recommend products we believe are genuinely useful for our readers. ## **![how to shave your butt for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/how-to-shave-your-butt-for-men.jpg?resize=640%2C424&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [How Do I Shave My Buttocks?](#How_Do_I_Shave_My_Buttocks) - [Why Do Guys Shave Their Buttocks?](#Why_Do_Guys_Shave_Their_Buttocks) - [Buttocks Shaving: What Supplies Do I Need?](#Buttocks_Shaving_What_Supplies_Do_I_Need) - [Electric Body Groomer](#Electric_Body_Groomer) - [Mangroomer Platinum Pro Body Groomer](#Mangroomer_Platinum_Pro_Body_Groomer) - [Detail Trimmer](#Detail_Trimmer) - [Manual Razor](#Manual_Razor) - [Shaving Gel or Cream for Sensitive Skin](#Shaving_Gel_or_Cream_for_Sensitive_Skin) - [Shaving Mirror](#Shaving_Mirror) - [Post-Shave Antiseptic](#Post-Shave_Antiseptic) - [Body Powder and Exfoliating Cloth](#Body_Powder_and_Exfoliating_Cloth) - [Prepping Your Skin Before You Start](#Prepping_Your_Skin_Before_You_Start) - [Step 1: Take a Hot Shower](#Step_1_Take_a_Hot_Shower) - [Step 2: Shave the Cheeks with a New Razor](#Step_2_Shave_the_Cheeks_with_a_New_Razor) - [Step 3: Shave Between the Cheeks with a Second New Razor](#Step_3_Shave_Between_the_Cheeks_with_a_Second_New_Razor) - [Step 4: Rinse Off](#Step_4_Rinse_Off) - [Step 5: Pat Dry](#Step_5_Pat_Dry) - [Step 6: Apply Antiseptic](#Step_6_Apply_Antiseptic) - [Step 7: Apply Body Powder](#Step_7_Apply_Body_Powder) - [What to Expect the First Time](#What_to_Expect_the_First_Time) - [Aftercare: The First 48 Hours Matter Most](#Aftercare_The_First_48_Hours_Matter_Most) - [Common Mistakes That Cause Irritation](#Common_Mistakes_That_Cause_Irritation) - [Alternatives to Shaving](#Alternatives_to_Shaving) - [Buttocks Shaving Video](#Buttocks_Shaving_Video) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [Buttocks Shaving Poll](#Buttocks_Shaving_Poll) - [Related Reading](#Related_Reading) ## **How Do I Shave My Buttocks?** Having hair on your buttocks — including the area around the anus — is completely normal. If you buy into [evolutionary science](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0047248485800919), you already know that millions of years ago, humans were a much furrier species. We’re less hairy than our primate ancestors, but plenty of us still carry a healthy amount of hair south of the belt. Body hair does serve a purpose. It helps regulate temperature, and the hair on your backside acts as a small buffer against friction and chafing. That may be part of why this particular area of skin is so sensitive — it’s genuinely delicate territory, and it deserves a careful, well-informed approach rather than a rushed one. I started writing about this topic because male grooming and personal appearance come up regularly with my clients — particularly athletes and bodybuilders who want to remove body hair for competition, and guys who simply want it gone for their own comfort and confidence. **Related:** [How to shave your pubic area for men](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) Rather than fielding the same questions over email, I decided to put the research in one place, written the way I’d actually explain it to a client. This is a men’s blog, and I promised readers early on that I wasn’t going to hold anything back — including topics most sites won’t touch. I’ve been writing about men’s grooming and wellness for years, and this guide has been updated to reflect current products, current safety guidance, and a few more options than “grab a razor and hope for the best.” ![shave butt hair men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shave-butt-hair-men.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Butt shaving tips for men ### **Why Do Guys Shave Their Buttocks?** Plenty of men are perfectly happy with their natural body hair, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But a lot of guys want to feel smoother “back there,” and the reasons tend to fall into a few categories. For bodybuilders, athletes, and anyone who trains hard, less hair often means less trapped sweat and less odor — something anyone who hits the gym regularly already understands. For others, it’s about a partner’s preference, similar to how some guys keep a [clean-lined goatee](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/) because their partner likes it. And for some men, it’s simply about feeling clean, fresh, and put-together — the same reasoning that leads guys to trim other parts of the body to show off muscle definition or tattoo work. There’s also a practical, non-cosmetic reason a lot of men don’t talk about: hygiene. Excess hair in this area can trap moisture and sweat, which creates the kind of warm, damp environment bacteria and yeast tend to thrive in. Removing or trimming that hair can make it easier to stay clean and dry, particularly for men who sweat heavily during the day or spend a lot of time in athletic gear. Whatever your reason, the goal of this guide is the same: help you do it safely, with the right tools, so you don’t end up dealing with razor burn, ingrown hairs, or worse. #### A Quick Word Before You Start This is a grooming guide, not medical advice. If you have hemorrhoids, anal fissures, eczema, psoriasis, a skin infection, or any other condition affecting the area, talk to a doctor or dermatologist before shaving. The same goes if you’re immunocompromised or prone to keloid scarring. When in doubt, sit this one out — or bring it up with your physician first. ### **Buttocks Shaving: What Supplies Do I Need?** It might seem like all you need is a decent razor, but a proper, low-irritation buttocks shave actually calls for a small kit. Here’s everything on the list before we walk through the steps. #### Your Buttocks Shaving Checklist - Electric body groomer (for the cheeks/”melon” area) - Detail trimmer (for close, precise work) - Fresh, sharp manual razor with multiple blades - Shaving gel or cream formulated for sensitive skin - Handheld mirror - Post-shave antiseptic or soothing spray - Body powder - Exfoliating cloth or mitt - A clean, dry towel ### **Electric Body Groomer** Your first tool should be an electric body groomer. You’ll use it to shave the round, outer part of the buttocks — the “cheeks” — before you ever pick up a manual razor. An electric groomer is faster, more forgiving on curved terrain, and lower-risk than going straight in with a blade. It should not be used directly around the anus; save that area for the manual razor step later. ![clippers for mangrooming matter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/clippers-for-mangrooming.jpg?resize=602%2C903&ssl=1)Clippers for body grooming are key ### **Mangroomer Platinum Pro Body Groomer** The [Mangroomer Platinum Pro](https://amzn.to/4fwyKGh) is one of the best-known names in this space for a reason. Its shock-absorber flex neck follows the natural curve of your body, which matters a lot when you’re working around the contours of the buttocks. It’s fully waterproof, works wet or dry, and doubles as a groomer for your back, chest, underarms, and groin — so it’s not a single-purpose purchase. It’s a longtime bestseller on Amazon, and the current Platinum Pro generation offers multiple trimmer settings, so you can dial in exactly how much length you want to leave behind rather than going straight to skin. ### **Detail Trimmer** If you don’t have a lot of hair back there, or you’d rather concentrate on the area immediately around the anus without a blade, a smaller detail trimmer is a smart addition. The [ConairMAN Cordless 2-Blade Personal Trimmer](https://amzn.to/4w1yTaI) is compact, travel-friendly, and built with two blade widths so you can handle broader trimming and finer detail work with the same tool. A lot of guys pair this with the Mangroomer above — the body groomer for the cheeks, the detail trimmer for anything closer or more sensitive. It’s also the safer option if the manual-razor step later in this guide feels like more than you want to take on.![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B0006UTYTW) ### **Manual Razor** There’s no getting around it: if you want a genuinely smooth result, you’ll need a good manual razor for the final pass. Go with a high-quality, multi-blade razor rather than a bargain-bin disposable. A five-blade cartridge system like [Gillette Fusion5](https://amzn.to/4yzY8mj) is a solid, widely available choice that catches hair other razors miss on the first pass, which matters when you’re trying to minimize the number of passes over sensitive skin. Buying replacement cartridges in bulk online is usually cheaper than picking them up one at a time at the drugstore, and you’ll go through them faster than you would shaving your face, since you should never reuse a blade in this area (more on that below). ### **Shaving Gel or Cream for Sensitive Skin** A good shaving cream is arguably the single most important item on this list — it’s what stands between your razor and a bad case of razor burn. [Anthony’s Shaving Cream for Sensitive Skin](https://www.amazon.com/Anthony-Shave-Gel-Sensitive-Skin/dp/B09RLKTR3S?tag=guycounseling-20) is formulated with squalane, eucalyptus, and rosemary extract, and it’s free of parabens and other common irritants. It’s easy to apply, rinses off cleanly (which matters when you’re checking your work in a mirror), and works well on skin that isn’t used to being shaved. ![mirror for shaving buttocks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/hand-mirror.png?resize=570%2C285&ssl=1)Hand Mirror for Shaving ### **Shaving Mirror** You can’t shave what you can’t see, and a handheld mirror is non-negotiable for the crack area later in this guide. Any basic handheld mirror from a drugstore or big-box retailer will do the job. Check your bathroom cabinets first — there’s a decent chance one is already in the house. #### Product Pick: Handheld Vanity Mirror Look for a two-sided handheld mirror (regular + magnified) with a comfortable grip — you’ll want to set it flat on the floor for the crack-area step, so a lightweight, shatter-resistant option is worth the extra couple of dollars. ### **Post-Shave Antiseptic** A lot of guys avoid shaving this area because they’re worried about irritation or infection — and that’s a fair concern if you skip this step. Shaving with a dirty razor and skipping antiseptic afterward is genuinely asking for trouble. To cut down on irritation and lower your infection risk, use a witch hazel-based or alcohol-free post-shave antiseptic spray afterward. Look for one that’s marketed for sensitive or intimate skin rather than a standard aftershave, since standard aftershave products are often too harsh (and too alcohol-heavy) for this part of the body. #### What to Look for in a Post-Shave Antiseptic - Alcohol-free or low-alcohol formula (straight alcohol will sting badly here) - Witch hazel, aloe, or tea tree oil as an active ingredient - Labeled safe for sensitive or intimate skin - Spray or gel format, so you’re not rubbing a cotton pad against freshly shaved skin ### **Body Powder and Exfoliating Cloth** Two more items round out the kit. A talc-free body powder helps keep the area dry and comfortable after shaving, which matters more here than almost anywhere else on the body — moisture and friction are exactly what you’re trying to avoid post-shave. Gold Bond’s Ultimate Comfort Body Powder with Aloe is a widely available, talc-free option built for exactly this kind of use. An exfoliating cloth or mitt is your best defense against ingrown hairs down the road. Regular gentle exfoliation — a couple of times a week, not daily — clears away the dead skin cells that trap regrowing hair beneath the surface, which is the single biggest cause of the itchy red bumps that make people swear off shaving this area entirely. ### **Prepping Your Skin Before You Start** Good prep work does more for your end result than any single tool on this list. Give yourself 20 to 30 uninterrupted minutes — this isn’t a step to rush through before you’re already running late. Make sure the bathroom is warm; shaving in a cold bathroom tightens the skin and makes hair stand less upright, which works against you. If it’s your first time shaving this area, do a quick patch test with your shaving cream on your inner forearm the day before, just to rule out a reaction to the product itself. It only takes a minute and can save you from discovering a sensitivity in the worst possible spot. Lay out everything from your checklist within arm’s reach before you get in the shower: groomer, razor, gel, mirror, antiseptic, powder, and towel. Hunting for a dropped razor mid-shave is how nicks happen. [![how to shave your buttocks shower](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shower-389273_640.jpg?resize=556%2C370&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shower-389273_640.jpg?ssl=1)Shave Your Buttocks = Take a Shower ### **Step 1: Take a Hot Shower** Start with a warm-to-hot shower and a good antibacterial soap. Thoroughly clean the entire buttocks area, including around the anus. Warm water softens hair and opens pores, which makes for a noticeably closer, less irritating shave. Skip the bath for this step. If you’re sitting in bathwater with soap dissolved in it, you’re not actually rinsing bacteria away — you’re soaking in it. A shower is the more sanitary choice, full stop. #### Trim First, Shave Second If your hair is longer than about a quarter-inch, run your electric groomer over the area before you shave. Razors don’t handle long hair well — it gets pulled and yanked rather than cleanly cut, which is a fast way to end up with irritation before you’ve even started. ![shave your buttocks razor](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shave-your-buttocks-razor.jpg?resize=550%2C401&ssl=1)Use a Fresh, New Razor to Shave Your Buttocks ### **Step 2: Shave the Cheeks with a New Razor** Open a fresh razor. Never shave this area with a used blade — a dull or previously-used razor drags instead of cutting cleanly, and it raises your risk of a bacterial infection like staph. Rinsing an old blade under alcohol or soapy water does not reliably kill that risk. Start fresh. Under the hot shower, apply a small amount of shaving gel to one cheek at a time. Shave in an upward motion, against the direction of hair growth — bottom to top — working in sections. Most guys need four or five sections per side, depending on size. Rinse the razor under the showerhead after every single pass. You don’t need to press hard; a gentle, slow, low-pressure stroke is what actually prevents cuts and nicks. Pressing harder does not get you a closer shave — it just increases irritation. ### **Step 3: Shave Between the Cheeks with a Second New Razor** Once the cheeks are done, move on to the area between them. This is the most technically demanding part of the process, so use a second fresh razor — the one you were using for the cheeks is already dulled and clogged. Get the area thoroughly wet in the shower and apply a small amount of gel. Then step out of the shower, place your handheld mirror flat on the floor, and crouch over it so you can actually see what you’re doing. Working slowly and with very light pressure, shave the hair around this area. Take your time — this is not a step to rush. If a blade this close to the anus feels like more risk than you want to take on, switch to the detail trimmer instead. A slightly less complete result is a much better trade than a cut in a spot that’s genuinely difficult to treat. #### Safety Note Never shave directly over hemorrhoids, skin tags, an existing cut, or an area that’s already irritated or infected. If you notice bleeding, ongoing pain, or unusual discharge after shaving, stop and call your doctor rather than waiting it out. [![How to shave your buttocks and feel clean](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/man-rinsing-off-shower.jpg?resize=525%2C397&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/man-rinsing-off-shower.jpg?ssl=1)Rinse Off and Use Anti-bacterial Soap ### **Step 4: Rinse Off** Once you’re satisfied with the result, step back into the shower and rinse thoroughly. Use antibacterial soap again to clean out any newly opened hair follicles. A cool-water rinse at the end helps close pores and calm the skin. ### **Step 5: Pat Dry** Grab a clean, dry towel and gently pat the area dry. Don’t rub — freshly shaved skin is more sensitive than usual, and rubbing motions can cause irritation you’d otherwise avoid entirely. ### **Step 6: Apply Antiseptic** Apply your post-shave antiseptic liberally. A brief tingling sensation is normal; if it’s genuinely painful, you’re either using a product that’s too harsh for this area or you have some irritation that needs a break from shaving. Test a small amount first if you’re using a new product for the first time. ### **Step 7: Apply Body Powder** Once the antiseptic has fully dried, apply a light dusting of body powder. You don’t need much — just enough for even coverage. For the first week after shaving, use the powder daily. It helps keep the area dry and comfortable while your skin adjusts, and reduces the friction and moisture buildup that leads to irritation. ### **What to Expect the First Time** Your first attempt will almost certainly take longer than every attempt after it — plan on 30 to 45 minutes rather than the 10 to 15 minutes a maintenance shave eventually takes once you know your own contours. Some mild redness immediately afterward is normal and typically fades within an hour or two; it’s a sign of freshly exposed skin and gentle irritation from the blade, not necessarily a problem. It’s also normal for hair to grow back with a slightly different texture the first few times — often a bit coarser or more upright — before settling into a more predictable pattern with regular maintenance. This is the same regrowth pattern you’d notice shaving any other part of the body for the first time, and it’s not a sign anything went wrong. ### **Aftercare: The First 48 Hours Matter Most** Most irritation shows up in the first day or two after shaving, so treat that window with a little extra care. Wear loose, breathable underwear rather than anything tight or synthetic — cotton is your friend here. Skip intense workouts or anything that causes heavy sweating in the first 24 hours if you can help it, since sweat trapped against freshly shaved skin is a common trigger for irritation and folliculitis. Starting on day three or four, light exfoliation two to three times a week will do more than anything else to keep regrowth from turning into ingrown hairs. Use your exfoliating cloth with a gentle circular motion, and follow up with a light, unscented moisturizer if the skin feels dry or tight. Most guys find that maintenance shaves every one to two weeks keep things manageable without constantly re-irritating the same skin. ### **Common Mistakes That Cause Irritation** A few habits are responsible for the majority of bad experiences guys report with this kind of shaving. Here’s what to avoid. - **Shaving dry.** No water, no gel, no cushion — this is the single fastest route to razor burn. - **Reusing a dull blade.** A dull razor tugs at hair instead of cutting it, which irritates skin far more than a sharp one. - **Pressing hard for a “closer” shave.** More pressure means more irritation, not more closeness. Let the blade do the work. - **Skipping exfoliation during regrowth.** This is the number-one cause of ingrown hairs and razor bumps. - **Going straight to tight underwear or workout clothes.** Friction on freshly shaved skin is asking for trouble. - **Shaving over already-irritated skin.** If something looks inflamed, infected, or unusual, let it heal before you shave again. ### **Alternatives to Shaving** Shaving isn’t the only option, and it’s worth knowing the alternatives if a razor isn’t the right fit for your skin or your patience level. **Trimming only.** If full smoothness isn’t the goal, an electric groomer set to a longer guard length gets you tidy without the irritation risk of a blade. This is the lowest-maintenance, lowest-risk option on this list. **Depilatory cream.** Chemical hair removal creams dissolve hair at the surface rather than cutting it, which some guys find gentler than a blade. That said, this is genuinely delicate skin, so always patch-test on your inner forearm 24 hours before using any depilatory product back there, and follow the product’s timing instructions exactly — leaving it on too long is a common cause of chemical burns. **Professional waxing.** Waxing pulls hair from the root, which means smoother results for longer and, over time, finer regrowth. It’s also more painful and carries its own ingrown-hair risk, so this is best left to a professional esthetician who has experience with this specific area rather than attempted at home. **Laser hair removal.** For guys who want a long-term solution, laser treatment at a licensed clinic offers the most durable results, typically requiring several sessions spaced weeks apart. It’s the most expensive option upfront but the lowest-maintenance option over time, and unlike shaving, it doesn’t carry ongoing nick or ingrown-hair risk once treatment is complete. ### **Buttocks Shaving Video** For a visual walkthrough of body grooming technique, this video covers some useful additional context. ### **Frequently Asked Questions** #### Is it safe for men to shave their buttocks? Yes, for most men it’s safe when done with a clean razor, proper lubrication, and antiseptic aftercare. Men with hemorrhoids, skin conditions, or existing irritation in the area should check with a doctor first. #### How often should I shave this area? Most men find every one to two weeks works well for maintenance, giving skin time to recover between shaves and reducing the chance of irritation from over-shaving. #### Should I use an electric trimmer or a manual razor? Both, ideally at different stages. An electric groomer handles the cheeks efficiently and safely; a manual razor gets you closer for the final result. If you’re not comfortable using a blade near the anus, an electric trimmer alone is a perfectly reasonable choice. #### How do I prevent ingrown hairs after shaving? Exfoliate two to three times a week starting a few days after shaving, avoid tight clothing that traps regrowing hair against the skin, and always shave with a sharp blade in the direction of hair growth rather than against it. #### Why does my skin itch a few days after shaving? Itching during regrowth is common and usually means hair is growing back in and occasionally curling beneath the surface. Gentle exfoliation and a light, unscented moisturizer usually resolve it. Persistent itching, redness, or pus-filled bumps can indicate folliculitis, which is worth a quick check with a doctor. #### What’s the best shaving cream for sensitive skin in this area? Look for a fragrance-free or lightly scented cream formulated specifically for sensitive skin, free of common irritants like added dyes and harsh sulfates. A cushioning, non-foaming gel tends to perform better here than a heavily foaming cream. #### Can I use the same razor for my face and my buttocks? No. Keep a dedicated razor for this area, clearly separated from your facial razor, both for hygiene reasons and because a blade used on coarser body hair dulls faster and shouldn’t go anywhere near your face afterward. #### Is it normal for the skin to feel raw or tender after shaving? Mild tenderness for a few hours is normal, especially the first time. Ongoing pain, swelling, or tenderness that lasts more than a day usually means the skin was over-worked — too many passes, too much pressure, or too little lubrication — and is a sign to ease off technique next time and let the area fully heal before shaving again. #### Do I need to shave in the shower, or can I do it at the sink? The shower is strongly recommended for this area. Warm running water keeps skin soft and hair pliable throughout the process, rinses your razor clean between passes, and is simply more hygienic than working at a sink for a part of the body this close to the anus. ### **Buttocks Shaving Poll** Just for fun — cast your vote below. ### **Related Reading** If you’re building out a full body-grooming routine, these guides pair well with this one: - [How to Shave Your Pubic Area for Men](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) - [Short Beard Styles and Goatees in 5 Easy Steps](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/) - [What Is Aftershave and How Do You Use It?](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/) Body grooming is a personal choice, not an obligation — do what makes you feel comfortable and confident in your own skin, and take the time to do it safely if you decide it’s for you. **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** body hair, Body Hair Removal, Hair, how to shave your buttocks, Shaving --- ### [How to Shave Your Pubes Safely: A Guide for Men](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) **Published:** July 12, 2026 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** **Affiliate Disclosure:** Guy Counseling is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some links in this article are affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission on qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. We only recommend products we believe are genuinely useful for our readers. ## **![treasure trail men pubic hair shaving safe](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/treasure-trail.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [Shave Your Pubic Area Men Step by Step](#Shave_Your_Pubic_Area_Men_Step_by_Step) - [Why Shave or Trim Your Pubic Area?](#Why_Shave_or_Trim_Your_Pubic_Area) - [Male Genital Shaving: What Supplies Do I Need?](#Male_Genital_Shaving_What_Supplies_Do_I_Need) - [Genital Shaving Hair Removal Tools](#Genital_Shaving_Hair_Removal_Tools) - [Hand Trimmer by Braun](#Hand_Trimmer_by_Braun) - [Razors](#Razors) - [Men’s Shaving Gel](#Mens_Shaving_Gel) - [Hand Mirror for Shaving](#Hand_Mirror_for_Shaving) - [Post-Shave Antiseptic](#Post-Shave_Antiseptic) - [Body Powder for Men](#Body_Powder_for_Men) - [Exfoliating Cloth](#Exfoliating_Cloth) - [Prepping Before You Start](#Prepping_Before_You_Start) - [How to Shave Your Genitals (Men) Step by Step](#How_to_Shave_Your_Genitals_Men_Step_by_Step) - [1. Evenly Shape Your Hair](#1_Evenly_Shape_Your_Hair) - [2. Step Into a Hot Shower](#2_Step_Into_a_Hot_Shower) - [3. Grab the Razor, Mirror, and Gel](#3_Grab_the_Razor_Mirror_and_Gel) - [4. Rinse Off](#4_Rinse_Off) - [5. Pat Dry Yourself](#5_Pat_Dry_Yourself) - [6. Apply the Antiseptic](#6_Apply_the_Antiseptic) - [7. Use the Powder](#7_Use_the_Powder) - [8. Repeat as Needed](#8_Repeat_as_Needed) - [Aftercare: The First 48 Hours Matter Most](#Aftercare_The_First_48_Hours_Matter_Most) - [Common Mistakes That Cause Irritation](#Common_Mistakes_That_Cause_Irritation) - [Alternatives to Shaving](#Alternatives_to_Shaving) - [Yes, Lots of Men Groom Down There](#Yes_Lots_of_Men_Groom_Down_There) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [Related Reading](#Related_Reading) ## **Shave Your Pubic Area Men Step by Step** Are you a man trying to figure out **how to shave your pubic area**? Let’s be honest — the very thought of bringing a sharp instrument anywhere near your privates can cause real anxiety. One wrong move and you can cut yourself. That anxiety is normal, and it’s exactly why a careful, step-by-step approach matters more here than almost anywhere else on the body. The good news is that with proper preparation, you can shave the hair around your pubic area safely. Done right, the end result can make you feel cleaner, more comfortable, and more confident. Some guys reading this may be wondering why any man would want to take a razor to his pubes in the first place. The answer is simple: it’s part of good male hygiene. The less hair you have in that area, the less likely you are to deal with trapped sweat and odor. There’s nothing unusual about trimming and manscaping this part of your body. Athletes have been doing it for years, because they know that hair follicles trap sweat, and trapped sweat contributes to unpleasant odor and skin irritation. **Related:** [How to shave your butt correctly](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/) Part of the reason I decided to write this piece is that the topic of male [grooming](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-grooming/) comes up regularly with my clients. I work with a lot of bodybuilders and fitness professionals who want to remove excess hair before a meet or competition. Rather than send these guys a bunch of links to different websites, I thought it made more sense to write something substantive myself — right here on Guy Counseling. What follows is a detailed, honest walkthrough of how to shave your pubic area the right way. There’s other information out there, but much of it skips important steps — and I recently read one article on the topic that I’m fairly sure wasn’t written by a guy. ### **![man in mirror with grooming tool for use with his genitals](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/man-in-mirror-manscapping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ### **Why Shave or Trim Your Pubic Area?** If you decide to shave or trim your pubic area, you’ll likely notice a few concrete benefits: - Less friction and chafing around the groin - Reduced sweat odor - A more comfortable feeling in briefs or athletic gear - An overall sense of freshness and cleanliness The decision to shave or trim your genitals really isn’t that different from a guy choosing to [shape his goatee](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/). The goal in both cases is an end result that looks intentional and feels good — form and function together. #### A Quick Word Before You Start This is a grooming guide, not medical advice. Genital skin is some of the most sensitive on the body. If you have a skin condition like eczema or psoriasis, a current rash or infection, varicoceles, or any other concern affecting the area, talk to a doctor or dermatologist before shaving. The same goes if you’re immunocompromised, prone to keloid scarring, or have had a bad reaction to shaving this area before. When in doubt, sit this one out — or check with your physician first. ### **Male Genital Shaving: What Supplies Do I Need?** It might seem like all you need is a can of shaving cream and a razor. Sorry to break it to you, man — it’s a bit more involved than that if you want to do this safely and comfortably. Below is the full list of supplies worth having on hand if you’re serious about shaving your genitals. Several of these link directly to Amazon so you can order with privacy and ease. Many of the same grooming tools also show up on my [stocking stuffer ideas for men page](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/). #### Your Pubic Area Shaving Checklist - Electric body groomer (for the initial bulk trim) - Precision hand trimmer (for ongoing shaping between full shaves) - Fresh, sharp manual razor - High-quality shaving gel for sensitive skin - Fog-free hand mirror - Post-shave antiseptic - Body powder - Exfoliating cloth - A clean, dry towel ### **Genital Shaving Hair Removal Tools** One of the most useful tools you can pick up is an electric razor, also called a body groomer. You’ll use it to trim down the “bushy” part of your pubes — the main crop of hair — before you ever touch a manual razor to skin. ![men's hair clippers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/clippers-for-mangrooming.jpg?resize=490%2C735&ssl=1)Body groomers help a lot ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00O50I79W) Based on a lot of research, including reviews from guys who regularly manscape, the Mangroomer Platinum body groomer ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/3TWSHJC)) does a genuinely good job here. What’s great about this product is its multi-functional flex neck, which gets into tight spots with relative ease — useful when you’re shaping your pubes rather than just mowing straight lines. It’s also a strong seller on Amazon, partly because it doubles as a groomer for other parts of the body, like the chest and back. It comes with 7 different length settings, so you can dial in exactly how much to leave behind. ### **Hand Trimmer by Braun** Shaving your genitals requires ongoing upkeep. Between full shaves, you’ll want something simple on hand for shaping and touch-ups. A good option is Braun’s Precision Trimmer ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/4fhg4Jz)). It’s excellent for leveling and reducing the hair right next to your main asset, without the commitment of a full electric-groomer session. It’s light and easy to pack for travel, and it comes with two trimming combs you can set to your preference. As a bonus, you can also use it to shape a beard or goatee, so it’s not a single-purpose purchase. ![razors for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shave-your-buttocks-razor.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)The razor matters ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gaypopbuzz-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B011L8WJIA) ### **Razors** As you probably already know, a good manual razor is essential for shaving your genitals. It might be tempting to grab something cheap from the drugstore, but quality genuinely matters more here than it does shaving your face. Many men find Viking razors to be among the most effective options on the market for genital hair removal. Beyond the quality of the shave itself, Viking razors include a built-in micro-comb as a safety feature, and they’re built with real steel rather than cheap metal that nicks and cuts easily. **Viking Razor with Micro-Comb Guard** Real steel blade, built-in safety comb, and a design made specifically for close, low-irritation shaves in sensitive areas. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2aCKd6M) ### **Men’s Shaving Gel** A high-quality shaving gel is one of the most important supplies on this list. If you’ve read elsewhere that a bar of soap is good enough, you’ve been misled. The reason to use a proper gel is simple: this area needs genuine, non-abrasive lubrication. A good gel helps prevent nicks and cuts and leads to a noticeably smoother result. Bar soaps often contain harsh chemicals and exfoliating granules that tear at sensitive skin — exactly what you don’t want here. ![attractive man showwer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-in-shower.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)![](https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&language=en_US&l=li2&o=1&a=B0147FFIEG) Nicel’s Shave-in-Shower Gel is a solid pick — it’s built specifically for use in the shower, lathers easily on wet skin, and rinses clean without leaving residue behind. If you’d rather compare options,Elemis Ice Cool Foaming Shave Gel is another well-reviewed choice worth a look ([see Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4pdMVDq)). It’s formulated along similar lines — non-foaming, cushioning, and gentle enough for daily use on sensitive skin — so either of these two is a reasonable place to start. ![hand mirror ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/hand-mirror.png?resize=640%2C320&ssl=1)Hand Mirror for Shaving ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00FOD0DWI) ### **Hand Mirror for Shaving** You’ll need to actually see what you’re doing down there anytime you bring out a razor. An easy fix is to pick up a hand mirror from your local drugstore, or order one online. Save yourself a headache and opt for a fog-free mirror — you’ll be using it in the shower, and a fogged-up mirror at exactly the wrong moment is not a situation you want. The Honey Bull mirror is a solid pick for this specific use case. **Honey Bull Fog-Free Hand Mirror** Built to resist fogging in shower steam, with a comfortable handheld grip — exactly what you need for the crack-area step later in this guide. [Check Price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3SSB9m0) ### **Post-Shave Antiseptic** Once you’re done shaving your pubic area, using an antiseptic isn’t optional. In a pinch, some guys reach for rubbing alcohol — don’t. Imagine how much that’s going to burn on freshly shaved genital skin. A better option is *The Cool Fix* by Shaveworks ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/4f6nXkM)). As the name suggests, this gel cools the skin on contact while also acting as a disinfectant — a combination that matters a lot in an area this sensitive. Make no mistake: if you’re taking a razor to your privates, disinfecting afterward is essential. Skipping this step is asking for trouble — including conditions like [folliculitis](http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/folliculitis/basics/definition/con-20025909), an infection of the hair follicles that’s uncomfortable at best and genuinely painful at worst. ### **Body Powder for Men** After shaving and trimming, a quality body powder helps absorb excess moisture. This also reduces odor and keeps sweat from building up against freshly shaved skin. This fragrance-free, talc-free option is built specifically for post-shower use and does a good job with absorption without adding a heavy scent on top of it. If you want something with a bit more character, Happy Nuts ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/3SYuZRh)) is another strong choice. It absorbs moisture just as well and adds a light, masculine scent that isn’t overpowering — a nice option if you’d rather your powder do double duty as a subtle cologne layer. ### **Exfoliating Cloth** Freshly trimmed hairs have a way of clinging to skin, and regrowing hair is prone to curling back under the surface if it’s trapped by dead skin cells. An exfoliating cloth used a couple of times a week is your best defense against this. These are inexpensive and usually sold in bulk multi-packs online. ### **Prepping Before You Start** Give yourself 30 uninterrupted minutes for your first attempt — this isn’t something to squeeze in before you’re already running late. A warm bathroom helps; cold air tightens skin and makes hair lie flatter, which works against you. If this is your first time using a new shaving gel in this area, patch-test it on your inner forearm the day before to rule out a reaction. It takes a minute and can save you from discovering a sensitivity in the worst possible place. Lay everything out within arm’s reach before you get in the shower: trimmer, razor, gel, mirror, antiseptic, powder, and towel. Hunting for a dropped razor mid-shave is how nicks happen. ## **How to Shave Your Genitals (Men) Step by Step** ### **1. Evenly Shape Your Hair** Grab the body trimmer and a comb. Using an outward motion, comb your pubic hair until it’s loose and fluffed rather than matted. Once that’s done: - Set the body trimmer to roughly 1 inch. - Comb through your pubic hair to the desired length, working slowly. Shape both sides evenly so the end result looks intentional rather than lopsided. - The first time you do this, remember: less is more. You can always go a second round shorter if you want. - **Do not** use the body trimmer directly on your scrotum. That skin is far too sensitive and thin for a bulk trimmer and is prone to nicks. - Power the trimmer off and set it aside — you won’t need it again for the rest of this process. ### **2. Step Into a Hot Shower** Once you’re done shaping, it’s time to shave. My recommendation is a hot shower for this step — the warm water opens pores and softens hair, which makes shaving noticeably easier and gentler on skin. Before touching any part of your body with a razor, wash your privates with an antibacterial soap. This clears away microscopic bacteria and lowers your infection risk. If you’ve read elsewhere to take a bath for this step, skip that advice. Bathwater carries whatever’s been sitting on your tub’s surface, no matter how well you scrubbed it beforehand. A hot shower is the safer, more sanitary choice, full stop. ![shave your buttocks razor](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shave-your-buttocks-razor.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1) ### **3. Grab the Razor, Mirror, and Gel** Once you’re in the shower, it’s time to start shaving. The single most important thing to remember: use a new razor. Never reach for one you’ve used before — bacteria like staph (staphylococcus) thrive on old blades. If you’re thinking a quick rinse under soapy water will clean an old blade well enough, it won’t. Don’t be cheap here — use a fresh razor every single time you shave this area. #### Shaving the Bush - Lather your privates thoroughly with shaving gel, including underneath the scrotum. - Pull the area you’re shaving taut with your free hand. - Use very light strokes, shaving with the grain — especially the first time you do this. - Rinse the razor under the showerhead regularly to clear away hair buildup. - Trim to about half an inch rather than shaving completely bald, unless a fully bare look is specifically what you’re going for — full removal here is harder to maintain and carries more irritation risk. #### Shaving Under the Scrotum This step requires extra care and a slower pace than anywhere else in the process. - Lather the area thoroughly with gel first. - Crouch down with your legs semi-far apart for stability and visibility. - Place your hand mirror flat on the shower floor directly beneath you (turn the water off temporarily if that’s easier). - Gently grab and lift with one hand to create a flat, stable surface to work against. - Using your other hand, slowly shave toward the area you’re lifting, using gentle, light pressure — never rushed strokes. - Rinse the razor under water several times throughout this step to keep the blade clean and effective. #### Shaving Around the Scrotum To handle the curvature of the scrotum itself: - Stand up straight in the shower. - Lather the area with gel. - Gently pull the side you’re working on taut. - Shave with a downward motion, following the contour of the skin. - Move slowly and use extra caution on the sides, where the skin folds and the surface is less predictable. #### Safety Note Never shave over broken skin, an existing rash, a mole, or a skin tag. If you nick yourself, stop immediately, rinse with cool water, and apply gentle pressure with a clean cloth until bleeding stops before continuing anywhere else. Persistent pain, swelling, or discharge after shaving warrants a call to your doctor rather than waiting it out. ![shower](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/shower.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1)Use a cool shower to rinse off ### **4. Rinse Off** Once you’ve shaved the areas you wanted, it’s time to rinse thoroughly. A few things to keep in mind for this step: - Use antibacterial soap again to wash the freshly shaved areas. - Finish with semi-cool water to help close pores and hair follicles. - Bend forward in the shower to make sure any trimmed hair is fully rinsed away from the crack area. ### **5. Pat Dry Yourself** Grab a clean towel and gently pat yourself dry. Avoid rubbing motions, particularly around the area you just shaved — patting rather than rubbing goes a long way toward reducing bumps and irritation. ### **6. Apply the Antiseptic** Using the antiseptic gel recommended earlier, apply it liberally to the shaved areas. If you have especially sensitive skin, test a small amount first and see how it feels before applying more. ![apply antispectic in bathroom shower](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shower-389273_640.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Apply the antispectic ### **7. Use the Powder** Once the antiseptic gel has dried, apply a light dusting of the body powder mentioned earlier. Apply powder to the shaved area every other day, and more frequently if you’re active at the gym or playing sports. This helps with ventilation and keeps you feeling fresh throughout the day. ### **8. Repeat as Needed** Here’s the reality: once you start shaving your genitals, you’ll need to keep it up. Hair grows back at different rates for different guys, but most men find they need to repeat this process a couple of times a week to stay ahead of regrowth. Over time, you’ll figure out your own rhythm — how often you actually need to shave versus trim, and what routine keeps you comfortable without over-shaving the same skin repeatedly. Quick tip: use the hand trimmer between full shaves for general shaping and upkeep, so you’re not reaching for a fresh razor every single time. ### **Aftercare: The First 48 Hours Matter Most** Most irritation shows up in the first day or two, so give this window a little extra attention. Wear loose, breathable cotton underwear rather than anything tight or synthetic. If you can, avoid intense workouts or anything that causes heavy sweating for the first 24 hours — sweat trapped against freshly shaved genital skin is one of the most common triggers for irritation and folliculitis. Starting on day three or four, light exfoliation two to three times a week does more than anything else to keep regrowth from turning into ingrown hairs. Follow up with a light, unscented moisturizer if the skin feels tight or dry. Most guys find that shaving every few days to twice a week keeps things manageable without constantly re-irritating the same patch of skin. ### **Common Mistakes That Cause Irritation** A handful of habits are behind most of the bad experiences guys report with genital shaving. Here’s what to avoid. - **Shaving dry, without gel.** This is the fastest route to razor burn on skin this sensitive. - **Reusing a razor.** A used blade drags and tugs instead of cutting cleanly, and it raises infection risk significantly. - **Rushing the scrotum steps.** This is not an area to move quickly through — slow, light strokes matter more here than anywhere else in this guide. - **Skipping exfoliation during regrowth.** This is the leading cause of ingrown hairs and razor bumps in this area. - **Going straight into tight underwear or workout gear.** Friction on freshly shaved skin invites irritation. - **Shaving over broken or irritated skin.** Let anything inflamed or healing settle before shaving again. ### **Alternatives to Shaving** Shaving isn’t the only path to a groomed look, and it’s worth knowing the alternatives if a razor doesn’t feel like the right fit for you. **Trimming only.** If full smoothness isn’t the goal, an electric trimmer set to a longer guard length keeps things tidy with essentially none of the nick risk that comes with a blade. This is the lowest-maintenance, lowest-risk option on this list, especially for the scrotum area. **Depilatory cream.** Chemical hair removal creams dissolve hair at the surface instead of cutting it. Genital skin is genuinely delicate, so patch-test any depilatory product on your inner forearm 24 hours before using it here, and follow the product’s timing instructions to the letter — leaving it on too long is a common cause of chemical burns in this area specifically. **Professional waxing.** Waxing pulls hair from the root, giving smoother results for longer and finer regrowth over time. It’s more painful and carries its own ingrown-hair risk, so this is best left to a professional esthetician experienced with this specific area rather than a DIY job. **Laser hair removal.** For a long-term solution, laser treatment at a licensed clinic offers the most durable results, usually over several sessions spaced weeks apart. It’s the highest upfront cost but the lowest-maintenance option over time, and it removes the ongoing nick and ingrown-hair risk that comes with regular shaving once treatment is complete. ### **Yes, Lots of Men Groom Down There** If you have ever wondered whether other guys shave or trim their pubic hair, the answer is yes. In a nationally representative study of 4,198 American men ages 18 to 65, just over half reported regularly grooming their pubic hair. Men reported grooming for several reasons, including sexual activity, personal preference, hygiene, and routine care. The most commonly groomed area was the hair above the penis, followed by the scrotum and penile shaft. **Bottom line:** Manscaping is a common personal-grooming choice. Whether you shave everything, trim lightly, or leave your pubic hair alone is entirely up to you. *Source: A nationally representative study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health.* [Read the study](https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5675231/). **Pubic Area Shaving Myths and Men** There are a surprising number of myths floating around about guys who shave their genital area. A few of the “biggies” are worth debunking directly: - **“Only gay men shave their genitals.”** Not true. Men of every orientation shave or trim this area for hygiene, comfort, athletic performance, and personal preference. - **“Only white men shave their pubic area.”** Grooming habits here cross every racial and ethnic background — this isn’t tied to any one group. - **“Only American men shave their privates.”** Genital grooming is common practice across many cultures worldwide, not a uniquely American habit. - **“Shaving your genitals causes gray hair to grow back.”** Shaving doesn’t change hair color or pigment at the follicle level. Any change in regrowth texture or color over time is coincidental, not caused by the razor. ### **Frequently Asked Questions** #### Is it safe for men to shave their pubic area? Yes, for most men it’s safe when done with a clean razor, proper lubrication, a slow and deliberate technique, and antiseptic aftercare. Men with skin conditions, current irritation, or other concerns in the area should check with a doctor first. #### How often should I shave this area? Most men find a couple of times a week works for maintenance, with a hand trimmer used for light shaping in between full shaves. Your own regrowth rate will ultimately dictate the right rhythm for you. #### Should I trim first before I shave? Yes, always. Razors don’t handle long hair well — it gets pulled and yanked instead of cut cleanly, which increases irritation. Trim down to a shorter, even length with an electric trimmer first, then follow up with a manual razor for the final pass. #### How do I prevent ingrown hairs after shaving? Exfoliate two to three times a week starting a few days after shaving, avoid tight clothing that traps regrowing hair against the skin, and always shave in the direction of hair growth rather than against it. #### Is it normal for skin to feel tender after shaving the scrotum? Mild tenderness for a few hours is normal, especially the first time. Ongoing pain, swelling, or tenderness lasting more than a day usually means the skin was over-worked, and is a sign to ease off technique and let the area fully heal before shaving again. #### Can I use the same razor on my face and my genitals? No. Keep a dedicated razor for this area, separate from your facial razor, both for hygiene reasons and because a blade used on coarser body hair dulls faster. #### What’s the best way to shave close to the scrotum without cutting myself? Work slowly, use a fog-free mirror so you can actually see what you’re doing, keep the skin pulled taut with your free hand, and use light, short strokes rather than long ones. If it ever feels rushed, stop and slow down — this is not a step to power through quickly. ### **Related Reading** If you’re building out a full body-grooming routine, these guides pair well with this one: - [How to Shave Your Buttocks the Right Way for Men](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/) - [Short Beard Styles and Goatees in 5 Easy Steps](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/) - [50 Good Gift Ideas for Men](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) Grooming is a personal choice, not an obligation. Do what makes you feel clean, comfortable, and confident — and take the time to do it safely if you decide it’s for you. **Categories:** Ask Jack, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Appearance, Buttocks, Genital Area, Grooming, Pubic Area, Razors, Shaving --- ### [First Gay Experiences: 25 Straight Men Tell Their True Stories](https://guycounseling.com/25-first-gay-experiences-stories-true/) **Published:** June 21, 2026 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![first gay experience stories](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/friends-beach.jpg?resize=660%2C440&ssl=1 "first gay experiences")First gay experiences told by straight men Table of Contents Toggle - [FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES STORIES](#FIRST_GAY_EXPERIENCES_STORIES) - [STRAIGHT MEN SHARE TRUE FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES](#STRAIGHT_MEN_SHARE_TRUE_FIRST_GAY_EXPERIENCES) - [1. AFTER A FEW DRINKS](#1_AFTER_A_FEW_DRINKS) - [2. MARINE BOOT CAMP](#2_MARINE_BOOT_CAMP) - [3. COLLEGE DORM BUDDIES](#3_COLLEGE_DORM_BUDDIES) - [4. SCOTCH HOOK UP](#4_SCOTCH_HOOK_UP) - [5. CAMPING IN WISCONSIN](#5_CAMPING_IN_WISCONSIN) - [6. BUILDING SECURITY GUARDS](#6_BUILDING_SECURITY_GUARDS) - [7. DAIRY CASE AT GROCERY STORE](#7_DAIRY_CASE_AT_GROCERY_STORE) - [8. FOOTBALL TEAM](#8_FOOTBALL_TEAM) - [9. STEAM ROOM AT GYM](#9_STEAM_ROOM_AT_GYM) - [10. GIRLFRIEND’S BROTHER](#10_GIRLFRIENDS_BROTHER) - [11. BACKDOOR ACTION TIME](#11_BACKDOOR_ACTION_TIME) - [12. 420 TIME WITH BUDDY](#12_420_TIME_WITH_BUDDY) - [13. HOOKUP APP ENCOUNTER](#13_HOOKUP_APP_ENCOUNTER) - [14. FIRE DEPARTMENT PROBIE](#14_FIRE_DEPARTMENT_PROBIE) - [15. BASEBALL PRACTICE FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE](#15_BASEBALL_PRACTICE_FIRST_GAY_EXPERIENCE) - [16. WATCHED GUYS IN THE ARMY](#16_WATCHED_GUYS_IN_THE_ARMY) - [17. NEIGHBOR HOOK UP](#17_NEIGHBOR_HOOK_UP) - [18. CURIOUS WORKOUT NEIGHBOR](#18_CURIOUS_WORKOUT_NEIGHBOR) - [19. MUSCLE CAR ENCOUNTER](#19_MUSCLE_CAR_ENCOUNTER) - [What Do You Think?](#What_Do_You_Think) - [FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES HAPPEN MORE THAN YOU THINK](#FIRST_GAY_EXPERIENCES_HAPPEN_MORE_THAN_YOU_THINK) ## FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES STORIES Looking for first gay experiences stories? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. According to research on heterosexual-identified men who have sex with men (H-MSM), estimates of how many straight-identified men have had some type of same-sex experience vary widely depending on how the question is asked — ranging from under 1% to as high as 20%, depending on the study population and definition used. While many websites tend to eroticize such encounters, few offer first-hand, true stories of these gay experiences. Given interest in this topic, we thought it might be helpful to share some of these with readers. Below is a podcast (E17) that features an email from a listener who identifies as straight but recently found himself attracted to another man at his gym. From [The Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mens-self-help-podcast-from-guy-counseling/id1465473031). ## STRAIGHT MEN SHARE TRUE FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES What follows are **25 first gay experiences** stories as told by men who identify as straight. To gather their narratives, we asked the Guy Counseling community to come forward and share. First names are used to protect their identities. Our hope is to help men who are trying to come to terms with their sexuality. Remember, orientation is not always black or white. **A quick note before you read on:** These are personal, anonymous accounts shared by community members, not professional case studies. They reflect a wide range of circumstances — some lighthearted, some more complicated — and are shared as-is, in the words of the men who submitted them. Be sure to take our poll at the end of this post. ## ![man drinking alcohol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-drinking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 1. AFTER A FEW DRINKS “I was 21 years old and spent most of the summer working construction to make extra money for college. On the job, I got to know one of the guys \[Mike\] who was a little older than me. Like 25? One Friday after work, a group of us stopped by a local watering hole to tie a few on. At the end of the night, Mike invited me back to his place to chill. I don’t remember all of the details, but we ended up watching a movie and firing up some 420. The next thing I knew, we were going down on each other. It only happened once, and we never talked about it again.” —Nick/38 Straight Man ## 2. MARINE BOOT CAMP “I’ve always been attracted to women and never had an experience with another guy — although I had thought about it. But that changed during my time in boot camp after joining the Marines. There was a guy who was about my age (22) who I was strangely attracted to. Not sure if it was his build or what, but I just know that I liked him. Just before graduation, we ended up hooking up off-base. Not sure how to explain the dynamics. Yeah, we had been drinking, but we weren’t sloshed. What’s weird is that we ended up doing it two more times. I’m married now and so is he. We’re still friends on Facebook.” —Rick/32 Heterosexual Male ![first gay experience black man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/black-man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)College Fun ## 3. COLLEGE DORM BUDDIES “It was a few days just before Thanksgiving and everyone had left campus to go home for the holiday, except for me and two other dudes staying in the dorms. Feeling bored, the three of us decided to hang out in my room and play poker. One of the two dudes was out on campus. He offered to go down on me and the other guy as a bet. We thought he was joking but found out later he wasn’t. Yep — he made good on his wager. It was the first time I had ever experienced something with another guy. It was also my last, but I don’t regret it.” —Chris/37 Married Straight Guy ## 4. SCOTCH HOOK UP “I had a buddy in college who was gay but in the closet. One night we were drinking scotch at his place and he confessed he had been crushing on me for a long time. One thing led to another and we ended up making out. Later, we traded some oral action. It only happened once because it got weird afterward. Not sure why.” —Dennis/39 Identifies as straight ![first time gay experiences camping](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/campfire-cooking-2.jpg?resize=634%2C422&ssl=1)First gay experiences camping ## 5. CAMPING IN WISCONSIN “When I was 25 years old, I took my little brothers on a camping trip to the Northern woods of Wisconsin. We had been making the trek from Chicago for years, but after our dad passed away, we decided to keep the tradition going. While we were staying at a state campground, one of the park rangers came by our camping area to warn us of pending severe weather. I think the guy was around 30 years old? We started talking and I got the sense he was interested in me. I’ve never been attracted to other men, but there was just something about him that I liked. Hard to explain. [Maybe it was his cologne](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/)? Just before we left, he stopped by our camp and said he’d be visiting Chicago the next weekend. When I gave him my number, I knew exactly what I was doing. Sure enough, when he arrived in town, he called. I ended up going to his hotel and we ended up getting it on. Nothing serious. He went down on me and I *tried* doing the same but wasn’t very good at it. After that happened, I never heard from him again. **Does this mean I’m gay?** I don’t think so. I think labels do more harm than good.” —Ken/34 Says he’s straight ## 6. BUILDING SECURITY GUARDS “I’m a building security guard on the East Coast. Two years ago, another guy who was my age was put on the night shift. When you work that shift, it’s very quiet. To pass time, we made small talk and gossiped about people in the building. One weekend around 2 or 3 in the morning, we were super bored and started talking about our hookup experiences. I don’t know what happened, but it must have gotten us both worked up. We ended up swapping head in a utility room. It happened a few more times that summer — to the point where all one of us would have to do is say ‘utility room’ and the other guy knew what time it was. When summer was over, he got transferred to another building. Not going to say I didn’t enjoy it, and I know he liked it too.” —Pedro/32 Married with kids ![straight to gay](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1)Open to new things ## 7. DAIRY CASE AT GROCERY STORE “The summer after graduating high school, I took a job at my local grocery store in the dairy department. You know, like stocking milk, cheese, and eggs. The work sucked and didn’t pay all that great, but I needed the cash for books. There was another guy (Sam) who worked in the Deli that was around my age and seemed cool. From time to time, we’d run into each other and talk about sports and how the Packers were going to make it to the Super Bowl. One weekend I was alone in the dairy case, unloading expired milk from behind the casing and waiting for the truck to deliver the new stuff. That’s when Sam came to make small talk. I don’t remember all of the details, but I know at some point I saw him popping wood under his work khakis. All I can tell you is that I was impressed. We ended up messing around together in the meat freezer. The whole thing was over in less than 10 minutes (if that). After that, we did more stuff, but not in the store.” —Trevor/41 Mostly hetero ![first time going gay athlete](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/football.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Gay experiences playing sports ## 8. FOOTBALL TEAM “When I was in college, I played football. Not that I was anything to talk about because I mostly sat on the bench. But there was a first-string guy that I was buddies with where things used to happen. It was never like we planned it or anything. Sometimes he’d pass by my room \[dorm\] and say hello. One time, he showed up to shoot the breeze — you know, like to hang out. I remember telling him my shoulder was messed up from a bad play and he offered to massage it to relax the muscle. That’s when I felt him against me through his sweats. After that, the rest is history. We ended up messing around. Over the course of a year, it happened a few times. The guy is married now and so am I. To me, it doesn’t mean you are gay if you experiment.” —Ronnie/39 Living straight life ![gay steamroom first time gay stories](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/man-mirror.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Gay encounters happen at gyms ## 9. STEAM ROOM AT GYM “There was only one time where I ever got it on with another guy, and that happened at my gym, around 10 years ago. The truth is, I had always wanted to know what it was like, so not going to lie. I guess that is why I let this random guy do his thing on me. Yeah, it was cool. Not sure I would do it again, but at least I can say I had a first gay experience.” —Mitch/36 Straight dude ## 10. GIRLFRIEND’S BROTHER “When I was back in high school, I dated this girl from my neighborhood. She had a brother who was the same age as me and we became friends. One time while we were hanging out, he shared with me that he was bi. He asked me if I had ever been with another guy and I told him the truth — never. Don’t ask me why, but we started fooling around. I guess there was a part of me that was curious. The weird thing is the girl and I never messed around — not even once. I don’t consider myself gay or even bi. Back then, I think I was just figuring things out, and he was somebody to do that with.” —Frank/28 Pretty much straight ![first gay experience true stories](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/hotel.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)First gay experience was at a hotel ## 11. BACKDOOR ACTION TIME “Back in college, there was a guy that I used to get with for oral stuff. One day, he asked me if I would ever want to do more. At first, I was hesitant because it seemed like that would be drawing a line, you know? But he was persistent, and I admit I was curious. Long story short, it happened. I can’t say I didn’t like it because I did. But we only did it a few times.” —Kenny/38 Mostly hetero ## 12. 420 TIME WITH BUDDY “It happened only a few times. A neighbor and I used to get together and smoke. A lot of what happened is fuzzy, so I don’t remember all the details. But I do remember we did things.” —Brian/39 Fuzzy straight ## 13. HOOKUP APP ENCOUNTER “I went onto a popular hookup app to see what I could find. Not sure how it happened, but I ended up tapping on a filter that put me in a same-sex category. I eventually got out of it, but it was too late — I was already listed in the gay area. About an hour into it, a guy reached out to me and said he was just looking to give oral. Because I wasn’t having much luck in straightsville, I figured why not. There has always been a part of me who was curious, so I figured why not, you know? To keep it real, I’ve got to say that I enjoyed myself. But once I got it out of my system, I’ve really never had any desire to do it again. I guess it’s all part of growing older.” —Bruce/33 Decidedly straight ![Fireman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/fireman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Firemen go through probation ## 14. FIRE DEPARTMENT PROBIE “When I was a probie \[on probation\] with the Fire Department, there was another guy assigned to our firehouse, going through the ranks with me. Both of us became pretty tight, which is what you would expect given how rough they treat you. We used to hang out a lot and I guess we bonded. I’m not going to go so far as to say we were boyfriends because we weren’t. But when we weren’t at work, we did make out a few times and more. I was bummed when he got transferred a year after making it through probation.” —Mark/36 Totally hetero ## 15. BASEBALL PRACTICE FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE “When I was 19, I used to play ball in our neighborhood league. A lot of the guys did because there wasn’t anything else going on in the suburbs. There was this one guy I used to get with after practice. It just sort of happened. The weird thing is we never talked about it. From time to time, we would end up in my garage when my parents weren’t home and mess around. We were both curious, I guess.” —Bobby/33 Straight male ![gay military stories of straight men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mental-toughness-military-basic-training.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Military training ## 16. WATCHED GUYS IN THE ARMY “I never really did something with another guy, but I did use to watch two dudes I served with \[in the military\] mess around in the woods. They always thought they were being private, but I would see them doing things a lot. The fact that I watched tells you something.” —Curtis/39 Hetero male ## 17. NEIGHBOR HOOK UP “I’m not really ashamed that I used to hook up with my neighbor back in my teen years. I bet a lot of guys have had gay experiences and they are just too chicken to talk about it.” —Kelly/38 Says he’s straight ![workout buddy hook up](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/military-barbell-press-exercise-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Workout Buddy ## 18. CURIOUS WORKOUT NEIGHBOR “I must have been all of 21 years old when I had my first gay experience. There was a neighbor I used to lift weights with in his garage. He had one of those Joe Weider flat benches, which back then was kind of a big deal. Over the course of time, we got closer and closer. One day he reached out and touched me and I didn’t stop him. It didn’t take long before we both started doing things to one another on that bench. We probably hooked up half a dozen times. The whole thing ended when I joined the Army and got deployed. He has long since moved somewhere else with his family. Fun times. But that was years ago. I’ve never done anything like that since.” —Eric/31 Male Heterosexual ## 19. MUSCLE CAR ENCOUNTER “When I was 30 years old, I bought a 1968 Ford Thunderbird. Muscle cars have always been my thing, and this was my dream car. But this vehicle needed a lot of work, so I used to contract with a mechanic who specialized in older models. The guy was around my age and we used to chat a lot about cars, sports, and the usual stuff that guys do. It’s part of the reason we became fast friends. One weekend, after doing some work on my car, we took it out for a test drive. All I can tell you is that while we were on the road, we pulled off into a truck stop. That’s when we fooled around in the parking lot. I doubt he would identify as gay because he was married with a little kid at the time. I’m pretty sure we were both just super curious. It only happened once. I still know the guy.” —Vincent/37 Straight and living by bro-code ## What Do You Think? The poll below is included for entertainment and reader engagement only. It is informal, anonymous, and not intended to produce scientific, clinical, or statistically reliable conclusions. Responses simply reflect the opinions and experiences of readers who choose to participate. ## FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES HAPPEN MORE THAN YOU THINK In reading the many first gay experiences stories shared on this page, it’s important to remember that same-sex contact among men who identify as straight is more common than most people assume. We’re mentioning this because many people cling to labels that don’t always accurately represent a person’s truth. **What the research actually says:** Researchers distinguish between sexual *identity* (how someone labels themselves), *attraction*, and *behavior* — and the three don’t always line up. A 2024 scoping review estimated that roughly 0.5–3.5% of heterosexual-identified men in the US, Canada, and Australia have had sex with another man at least once in their lives, while broader surveys that include attraction and fantasy (not just behavior) put the number considerably higher. Researchers sometimes use the term H-MSM — heterosexual men who have sex with men — to describe this group, and are careful to note that H-MSM are not simply closeted gay or bisexual men; many retain a heterosexual identity consistently over time. If you are a straight man reading this piece, you probably can remember some type of same-sex experience you had with another man over the course of your life. The question is — would you ever talk about it? If not, why? Are you afraid that someone might think you are gay? Food for thought. **Mental Health Resource:** Navigating topics related to identity, sexuality, and personal milestones can sometimes be overwhelming. If you are seeking a professional space to process these experiences or manage related anxiety, specialized support is available. For those in the Chicago area, [Chicago Men’s Therapy Resources](https://www.anxietytherapistchicago.com/anxiety-therapist-chicago-services/) provides evidence-based tools like CBT and ACT to help navigate life transitions and emotional health. Both in-person and virtual sessions are available for residents of Illinois. — **Related posts** [Can a straight guy fall in love with a gay man?](https://guycounseling.com/straight-gay-love/) [How to bottom for the first time](https://guycounseling.com/first-time-bottoming-tips-gay-men/) **References** Eaton, A.D., Scheadler, T.R., et al. “Recruiting and Engaging Heterosexual-Identified Men Who Have Sex With Men: A Brief Report of Considerations for Sex Researchers.” *Journal of Sex Research* (2024). https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2024.2380017 Twenge, J.M., Sherman, R.A. & Wells, B.E. “Changes in American Adults’ Sexual Behavior and Attitudes, 1972–2012.” *Archives of Sexual Behavior* 45 (2016): 2273–2285. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-016-0769-4 **Categories:** NSFW **Tags:** Bromance, Experiences, Gay, Heterosexual, Sex, Straight --- ### [Prison Rape Survivor Story: Male Sexual Assault, Trauma, and Recovery](https://guycounseling.com/prison-rape-true-story/) **Published:** July 9, 2026 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** *![man sitting alone in prison cell reflecting on trauma](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/male-prison-trauma-survivor.jpg.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)**Originally published September 2022 \| Updated July 2026* **Content Warning:** This article contains a firsthand account of sexual assault and may be triggering for survivors. ## Understanding Male Sexual Assault in Prison Sexual violence in correctional facilities remains one of the most serious human rights issues in the American criminal justice system. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, approximately 80,000 men and women experience sexual abuse in correctional facilities annually. Research shows that between 4-21% of male inmates report some form of sexual victimization during incarceration, depending on how the question is asked and the specific facility conditions. The Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA), passed in 2003 and with national standards implemented in 2014, established a zero-tolerance policy for sexual abuse in all correctional facilities. Despite these protections, sexual assault remains a pervasive threat, particularly in higher-security institutions where gang violence and predatory behavior are more common. What follows is a survivor’s account of experiencing repeated gang rape while incarcerated. His story reflects the reality that many men face behind bars but few feel safe discussing. ## A Survivor’s Story: My Experience with Gang Rape in Prison ### The First Days Behind Bars In 2008, I was sent to prison on drug-related charges linked to manufacturing and distribution of a controlled substance. I had just turned twenty-five and had no idea what life was really like behind bars. I identify as straight, though sexual orientation has nothing to do with why men are targeted for sexual assault in prison. This is about power, control, and the predatory culture that exists in many correctional facilities. When I first arrived at the correctional facility in the Southeast, something inside me knew things were going to be bad. There’s no way to explain this except to say my inner voice kept telling me to be careful. I didn’t understand yet that everyone was sizing me up, learning who I was and why I was doing time. ### ![man in prison cell jumpsuit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/man-prison.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ### The First Assault in the Maintenance Shop On the fifth day of my incarceration, two gang members sexually assaulted me. Before getting sent away, I wasn’t a weak person—I used to work out at the gym, box regularly, and worked part-time as a furniture mover. But none of that mattered when I was cornered. The rape happened after I was assigned to the Maintenance Shop. When the correctional officers weren’t present, two gang members cornered me near the doorway. They made explicit comments about what they wanted. When I refused, one of them pulled out a piece of rebar and struck me across the face. Everything after that is a blur. I woke up later in a closet—what inmates call “the cut,” meaning out of sight from cameras. The blood from my temple didn’t bother me as much as discovering what had been done to me while I was unconscious. When a guard spotted me in the hallway, I lied and said I’d slipped and hit my head. I received emergency medical attention in the prison infirmary, but I kept my mouth shut about what really happened. In prison, inmates who report sexual assault to authorities often don’t live very long. The code against “snitching” is absolute, and survival sometimes means silence. ### Why Victims Don’t Report: The Culture of Silence Research shows that approximately 65% of inmates believe reporting sexual assault is the same as snitching. Only about one-quarter of male inmates and one-tenth of female inmates report their victimization to correctional officers or prison officials. This culture of silence means most incidents go unreported and unpunished. After the first assault, word spread. Once it happens one time, it will happen again. That’s the reality nobody talks about. You become marked as a victim, and other predators see you as easy prey. ### ![prison barb wire raped in prison true story](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/prison-fence-218456_640.jpg?resize=640%2C480&ssl=1) ### Cornered in the Bathroom: The Pattern Continues The next incident happened about one month into my sentence. I was on my way to a Christian Worship group when four gang members stopped me near the bathroom. Two of them were the same men who had assaulted me before, but there were two new attackers—older men, probably in their middle to late thirties. I tried to get away, but they pushed me into the bathroom. Three entered while one watched the door. One of them held a shank against my neck and told me if I made a sound, he would cut my throat and watch me bleed out. The largest of the group grabbed me by my hair and assaulted me while the others controlled the room. I remember trying to stay quiet because I was terrified that making noise would make things worse. What happened next was violent, humiliating, and dehumanizing. Several of them assaulted me while one stood near the door. They laughed during parts of it, which made the experience feel even more unreal and degrading. I still remember flashes of that bathroom mirror and the feeling of being completely powerless. Those images stayed with me long after I left prison. From there, it became a rotation. While one stood lookout, the other three took turns. They laughed and joked the entire time like it was entertainment. I can still see flashes of my face in that bathroom mirror as it was happening. Over the course of a six-month period, incidents like this occurred several more times. ### Finding a Way Out Eventually, I got so desperate to escape the repeated sexual assaults that I decided to cooperate with prosecutors on several drug-related cases, providing actionable information in exchange for a transfer. I was moved to a minimum-security prison camp facility, which offers a dramatically different environment than penitentiaries. While sexual assault can occur in prison camps, it’s far less common due to lower security levels, different inmate populations, and better supervision. I was not assaulted again after my transfer. ## Life After Release: The Long Road to Recovery I was finally released two years ago. To this day, I still have flashbacks of being sexually assaulted by men who treated my body and my life like they meant nothing. Sexual assault eats at your sense of masculinity and makes you question yourself. The shame, the anger, the sense of powerlessness—all of it follows you home. I’m currently working with a therapist to help sort out the flashbacks and terrible nightmares that continue to plague me. ### The Psychological Impact of Prison Sexual Assault Research shows that victims of prison sexual assault often experience: - Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with intrusive memories and flashbacks - Depression and anxiety disorders - Sleep disturbances and nightmares - Difficulty with intimate relationships and trust - Shame and damaged self-image - Increased risk of substance abuse relapse - Suicidal ideation - Higher rates of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections For male survivors specifically, the assault challenges cultural expectations about masculinity and can create profound confusion about sexual identity, even though sexual assault has nothing to do with sexual orientation. It’s about violence, not desire. ![man reflecting on his recovery after sexual assualt ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/man-contimplating-life-in-prison.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Recovery from prison sexual assault can take years and often continues long after release. ### My Recovery Journey Recovery did not happen all at once. After my release, I had to rebuild my life in small, steady ways. For me, that meant getting clean, staying away from old patterns, and creating structure around my days. I started working out regularly again because physical activity helped me feel connected to my body in a healthier way. It gave me a place to put the anger, fear, and stress that I did not always know how to talk about. Exercise did not erase the trauma, but it helped me feel stronger and more grounded. Lifting weights, going for walks, and taking care of my health became part of how I reminded myself that my body still belonged to me. After what happened in prison, that mattered. There were days when I felt ashamed, disconnected, or stuck in memories I did not want. Having a routine helped me keep moving forward. Therapy also became an important part of my recovery. At one point, I worked with a therapist who used [EMDR therapy](https://www.anxietytherapistchicago.com/emdr-therapist-chicago/) to help me process some of the traumatic memories. It was not easy, and it was not a quick fix, but it helped me face parts of the experience that I had spent years trying to push away. Over time, I began to understand that the flashbacks, nightmares, and body reactions were trauma responses — not weakness. Another part of healing has been trying to be a support system for other people. I know what it feels like to carry shame in silence, and I do not want other men to feel like they have to go through that alone. When I can, I try to encourage others to get help, stay clean, take care of their bodies, and talk to someone they trust. Helping others has become part of how I continue healing myself. I still have difficult days. Recovery is not a straight line. But I am no longer living only as someone who was hurt. I am also someone who survived, changed, and kept going. What happened to me will always be part of my story, but it is not the only part. ### Why People Search for Stories Like This People search for prison sexual assault stories for different reasons. Some are survivors trying to make sense of what happened to them. Others are family members worried about someone who is incarcerated. Some readers may be facing prison time themselves and want to understand the risks. Therapists, students, advocates, and people interested in criminal justice may also look for firsthand accounts because statistics alone do not explain the human impact. There is also a more uncomfortable truth: prison rape has often been treated as a joke in popular culture. Movies, television shows, and casual conversations sometimes frame sexual violence behind bars as something expected or deserved. That kind of thinking is dangerous. Sexual assault is never an acceptable part of punishment, and no person forfeits their basic human dignity because they are incarcerated. This story is shared to help readers understand the reality of prison sexual violence from a survivor’s perspective. It is not meant to sensationalize trauma or create fear. It is meant to show how sexual assault affects men, why many victims stay silent, and why recovery often continues long after release. For survivors, the message is simple: what happened was not your fault. For everyone else, the message is just as important: prison sexual assault is a serious human rights issue, not entertainment, not a punchline, and not something society should ignore. ## Resources for Survivors of Prison Sexual Assault If you are a survivor of sexual assault in prison, please know you’re not alone and help is available: ### 24/7 Confidential Support - **RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline:** 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit [online.rainn.org](https://online.rainn.org/) for confidential chat support - **Text Support:** Text “HOPE” to 64673 - **En Español:** Services available in Spanish at rainn.org/es ### Specialized Resources - **Just Detention International:** Organization dedicated specifically to ending sexual abuse in detention, offering support for current and former inmates - **PREA Resource Center:** Information about your rights under the Prison Rape Elimination Act - **Local Sexual Assault Service Providers:** Find services in your area through RAINN’s provider search ### For Current Inmates Under PREA standards, you have the right to: - Report sexual abuse confidentially - Receive immediate medical and mental health care - Access to sexual assault forensic exams at no cost - Protection from retaliation for reporting - Contact victim advocacy organizations Most facilities have PREA hotlines and reporting mechanisms. While the fear of retaliation is real, facilities are required to investigate all allegations and provide protective custody when necessary. ### What Therapists Should Know For mental health professionals working with survivors of prison sexual assault: - Understand that these assaults are about power and violence, not sexual orientation - Recognize the added layers of shame and stigma male survivors face - Be prepared to address masculinity issues and identity confusion - Screen for PTSD, depression, substance use disorders, and HIV risk - Create a judgment-free space where survivors can process without shame - Recognize that the prison environment created barriers to reporting and escape ## Understanding the Statistics Sexual violence in prisons is both underreported and difficult to measure accurately. Here’s what research tells us: - In 2019-2020, correctional facilities reported over 36,000 allegations of sexual victimization - The actual number is believed to be much higher due to underreporting - Male inmates report sexual victimization at rates between 4-7% in most studies, though some research suggests rates as high as 21% when broader definitions of sexual coercion are used - Approximately 70% of sexual assaults between inmates result in physical injury - In adult male facilities, staff perpetrate a significant portion of sexual abuse - Inmates with mental illness face substantially higher risks—those with serious psychological distress report sexual victimization at rates of 6.3% compared to 0.7% for those without mental illness - Gang-affiliated inmates are more likely to be perpetrators of sexual violence ## Preventing Prison Sexual Assault While individual inmates have limited power to protect themselves, systemic changes can reduce sexual violence: - **Better screening:** Identifying vulnerable inmates and potential predators during intake - **Housing decisions:** Separating high-risk populations from predatory individuals - **Eliminating blind spots:** Improving camera coverage and supervision in high-risk areas - **Staff training:** Educating corrections officers to recognize warning signs and respond appropriately - **Enforcement of PREA standards:** Holding facilities accountable through audits and compliance reviews - **Prison culture change:** Breaking down the code of silence that protects perpetrators - **Access to reporting:** Creating safe, confidential ways for victims to report without fear of retaliation ## If You’re Going to Prison: What You Need to Know If you or someone you know is facing incarceration, understanding the reality can help with preparation: - **Prison camps vs. penitentiaries:** Minimum-security prison camps have significantly lower rates of violence and sexual assault than higher-security facilities - **Stay alert:** Be aware of your surroundings, especially in areas with limited supervision like bathrooms, closets, and recreation areas - **Know your rights:** Familiarize yourself with PREA protections before arrival - **Report immediately:** Despite the risks, reporting to trusted staff or PREA coordinators is important for your safety and medical care - **Document injuries:** Seek medical attention and ensure incidents are documented - **Stay connected:** Maintain contact with family, legal representation, and outside support systems Resources like the Federal Prison Handbook can provide valuable information about navigating the prison system, though nothing fully prepares you for the reality of incarceration. ## Final Thoughts from a Survivor I’m sharing my story because too many men suffer in silence. The shame and stigma around male sexual assault—especially in prison—keeps victims isolated and perpetrators protected. But we need to talk about this. Sexual assault in prison is not an inevitable part of punishment. It’s a human rights violation that creates trauma extending far beyond prison walls. Victims carry this trauma into our communities, affecting our families, our relationships, and our ability to successfully reintegrate into society. If you’re a survivor reading this, please know: what happened to you was not your fault. Your masculinity is not diminished by being victimized. You deserve support, healing, and justice. Reach out for help—whether that’s therapy, support groups, or just talking to someone who understands. You don’t have to carry this alone. And to those who have never experienced incarceration: please understand that sexual violence in prison is not a joke or an acceptable part of punishment. Every person deserves to be safe from sexual assault, regardless of what crime they’ve committed. When we accept prison rape as normal or inevitable, we perpetuate a cycle of trauma and violence that ultimately harms all of society. *This article contains a survivor’s account as told to Guy Counseling. The survivor’s name has been changed to protect privacy.***If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault:** - Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) - Chat online: [online.rainn.org](https://online.rainn.org/) - Text “HOPE” to 64673 **Related Articles:** - [Male Sexual Assault Isn’t About Sexual Orientation](https://guycounseling.com/male-prison-rape-gay-straight/) - [PTSD and Trauma Recovery](https://guycounseling.com/ptsd-coping-strategies/) - [Men and depression ](https://guycounseling.com/male-depression/) **Categories:** Psychology **Tags:** Assault, Jail, prison --- ### [7 Personality Traits Commonly Found in Outdoorsmen](https://guycounseling.com/outdoorsman-personality-traits/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![outdoorsman personality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/outdoorsman-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Outdoorsman Personality Revealed Are you a man who loves the outdoors? Have you always gravitated toward nature? Does the thought of being around wildlife and the raw elements spark your [sense of adventure](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1979-28667-001)? If you answered yes to these questions, there’s a good chance you were built to be an outdoorsman. ### What Is an Outdoorsman, Exactly? Most people describe an outdoorsman as someone deeply connected to outdoor sports and recreational activities — hiking, fishing, hunting, camping. There’s no single textbook definition, but a few traits show up again and again: - Enjoys being near and around nature - Likes becoming one with the land - May or may not hunt - Gravitates toward waterways, like rivers and lakes - Energized by fishing, crabbing, or water sports - Excited to take part in backpacking or hiking - Prefers wooded terrain and forests - Leans toward the adventurous Think you were born to be an outdoorsman? Here are seven personality traits common to this type of guy. ## 1. You Love Being in Nature Ever since you were a kid, you’ve gravitated toward the outdoors. Standing in the middle of it — trees overhead, dirt under your boots — brings a sense of calm that’s hard to find anywhere else. When you get free time, like a long weekend or a stretch of holidays, you’d rather be on a trail or working a fishing line than stuck in a crowd. ## 2. You Like Learning New Skills Outdoorsmen tend to be lifelong students of the land. The learning never really stops — from mastering how to [build a survival fire](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) to picking up archery fundamentals for hunting season. Skills compound. Every trip out sharpens your situational awareness a little more — a kind of mindfulness that’s built through repetition, not a weekend workshop. ## 3. Generally Rugged Personality If you had to pick one word to describe yourself, there’s a good chance it’s *rugged*. That’s as much a mindset as it is a lifestyle. Rugged men tend to have [strong personality types](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) and a well-defined sense of who they are. They don’t apologize for it, and they don’t need an audience to prove it. ## 4. Drawn to Adventure Most guys who see themselves as outdoorsmen carry an adventurous streak. They gravitate toward the unknown — new terrain, new challenges, new stories to tell later. Fishing, camping, and hunting are all conduits to that pull. So are hiking and backpacking. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, *it’s not about the destination but the journey* — that’s the mindset talking. ## 5. Sparks Primal Instincts There’s something undeniably primal about fishing and hunting. Researchers studying the [biophilia hypothesis](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9186521/) — the idea that humans carry an innate, evolved pull toward nature and other living things — point to exactly this kind of instinct. In that sense, time spent hunting, fishing, or tracking reconnects you with hunter-gatherer roots that stretch back roughly 300,000 years, to the earliest days of Homo sapiens. For nearly all of human history — right up until agriculture took hold around 12,000 years ago — this was simply how people lived. That instinct doesn’t disappear just because most of us traded the woods for a desk. ## 6. Somewhat Introverted Psychologically speaking, guys drawn to outdoor activities tend to lean introverted. That doesn’t mean you dislike people or avoid company — it means you recharge through independent activity or small, trusted circles: close friends, family, maybe one hunting or fishing partner you actually enjoy the silence with. You crave that time outdoors because it sharpens self-awareness. You learn mostly through observation, and being outside feeds that part of you directly. ## 7. Nature Restores You The last trait is the restorative pull of open water and wild terrain. Most guys who spend real time camping, fishing, or hiking describe it the same way: restorative, not just relaxing. If a hard hike up a mountain leaves you feeling recharged rather than drained — mentally, emotionally, both — take that as a sign. You were built for this. **How many of the seven hit home?** If most of them did, you’re not imagining it — this is who you are, not just something you do on weekends. ## Gear Up for the Life Being an outdoorsman isn’t just a mindset — it’s also about being prepared when you actually get out there. A few places to start: - [10 Hiking and Backpacking Essentials](https://guycounseling.com/10-hiking-backpack-supplies-survival/) — the gear that actually earns its spot in your pack - [10 Backpacking Tips for Wilderness Hiking](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/) - [10 Best Places to Hike in Colorado](https://guycounseling.com/colorado-hiking-tips/) - [How to Plan for a Canoe Camping Trip](https://guycounseling.com/canoe-camping-trip-planning/) ## A Word from Guy Counseling Outdoorsmen come in plenty of varieties. Some hunt, some don’t. Some center their energy around backcountry camping, others around a boat and a good stretch of water. You don’t need to be an expert fisherman to earn the label. When you consider the term, think of a man with a well-rounded appreciation for nature-based living — someone with a longing to be one with the land that’s built into who he is, not just how he spends a Saturday. How many of the traits above applied to you? ## FAQ ### Do you have to hunt to be considered an outdoorsman? No. Hunting is one path into the outdoorsman identity, but plenty of men earn the label through hiking, fishing, camping, or simply spending consistent time in wild places. ### Why do outdoor activities feel more restorative than other hobbies? Research on the biophilia hypothesis suggests humans carry an evolved pull toward nature and living things, which may explain why time outdoors tends to feel restorative rather than just relaxing. ### Is being an outdoorsman connected to introversion? Often, yes — though it’s not absolute. Many men drawn to outdoor activities recharge through solitary or small-group activity rather than large social settings, which tends to track with introverted tendencies. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** alpha, Camping, Fishing, Hunting, Outdoors, Outdoorsman, Personality --- ### [Muscular Strength: Definition, Benefits and Examples](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![muscular strength defined](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/muscular-strength.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Muscular Strength 101 If you’re an avid gym-goer, fitness enthusiast, or student in an exercise physiology class, you’ve no doubt heard the [term](http://jap.physiology.org/content/46/3/451.short) **muscular strength**. But what does it really mean? And can you actually increase it over time? As a guy who regularly hits the gym, I’ve found that a lot of people get confused about “strength” and assume it simply means how much you can lift. On some level, that’s true. But the concept of muscular strength is a bit more layered than that. Before we dive in, here’s a video of Chris Hemsworth training for his role in *Thor* — watching his approach helps set the tone for everything that follows. **In this article, you’ll learn:** - The definition of muscular strength - How muscular strength is measured - How power relates to strength - How muscular strength and endurance differ - Examples for increasing muscular strength - The benefits of building strength over time - Myths about muscular strength - Celebrities who engage in strength training ![Dumbbell workout routines](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/fitness-1882721_640.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) Muscular strength defined ## Muscular Strength Definition **Muscular strength** is defined as the maximal force that a muscle or muscle group can generate during a single bout of exercise (Kenny, Wilmore, & Costill, 2015). This isn’t to be confused with [muscular power](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-a-term-bodybuilders-must-know/), which is the rate at which a single bout of exercise is performed — the product of both velocity and force. ## Example of Muscular Strength Let’s say you and your training buddy are at the gym. As the two of you stand in front of a flat bench, your friend asks how much you can lift in one repetition. Based on past experience, you think the answer is 220 lb. Impressed, your buddy asks you to prove it. Feeling confident, you load up the plates and hop on the bench. With your friend spotting you, you bang out one rep at the stated 220 lb. Now it’s his turn. He trades places with you and struggles to get the bar off the rack. That 220 lb is just too much for him. Somewhat embarrassed, he strips plates off each side until only 110 lb remain. Through a full range of motion, that turns out to be the max he can lift. Using this example, it’s fair to say you have twice as much muscular strength as your friend. Make sense? Let’s move on to measuring strength. ## Measuring Muscular Strength In the hypothetical example above, we assessed muscular strength on a flat bench. Specifically, we wanted to know the maximal weight that can be lifted in one single effort. This approach is referred to as **1 repetition maximum** (1RM). To determine a person’s 1RM at the gym, an individual selects a weight they know they can lift through a full range of motion at least once. Once [properly warmed up](https://guycounseling.com/warm-ups-10-reasons-they-should-be-part-of-your-workout/), the person attempts several reps. If they can do it more than once, they increase the weight and try again. The process continues until the individual reaches the point where they can no longer lift the weight more than a single repetition. **That last weight that can only be lifted once is their 1RM.** To keep it real, most of us don’t go around measuring muscular strength — at least not in the clinical sense. That typically happens in a research lab, using specialized equipment designed to quantify both static and dynamic strength. Gains in muscular strength come from two separate sources: the structure of the muscle itself, and neural control. Muscle strength is measured during contraction, and the size of your muscle fibers is closely tied to how effectively your nervous system can activate them. This is part of why two people with similar-looking muscle size can have very different strength levels — one may simply have better neural drive. ## How Muscular Strength and Endurance Differ With all the different terms tossed around in the fitness world, it’s easy to get confused about what they actually mean. As a bodybuilder myself, I’ve struggled with a few of these distinctions too. In my experience, the two that get mixed up most often are muscular strength and muscular endurance. Maybe that happens to you too? Here’s a basic definition of **muscular endurance**: *The capacity to perform repeated muscle contractions, or to sustain a single contraction over time.* ## Muscular Endurance Examples There are plenty of examples that point to muscular endurance, including: - Push-ups - Crunches - Sit-ups - Dips - Calf raises - Tuck jumps - V-ups Many endurance-type exercises are closely tied to [plyometric exercises](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) — a $10 term for explosive movements. An easy way to gauge muscular endurance is to assess the maximum number of reps you can perform at a given percentage of your 1RM. Going back to the earlier example: if you bench pressed 220 lb, you’d evaluate your endurance by measuring how many reps you can do at, say, 75% of your 1RM — which would be 165 lb. The number of reps you can successfully complete with sustained force is how muscular endurance is measured. ## How to Increase Muscular Strength Now that you know what muscular strength is and how it differs from other terms, you’re probably wondering how to actually build it. The easy answer is to hit the gym and do weight-bearing exercises. That’s true on some level, but it’s a bit more involved than that. The most reliable path is a method called [progressive overload](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/) — in plain terms, incrementally increasing the amount of weight you lift over time. Some people use the pyramid method: starting with a set number of reps, you work your way up in weight until you get down to just one rep. ### Example Pyramid Let’s say you’re doing [basic concentration curls](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/) to build your biceps. Here’s how a pyramid might look: - 15 reps at 25 lb - Rest 2 min - 12 reps at 30 lb - Rest 2 min - 10 reps at 35 lb - Rest 3 min - 8 reps at 40 lb In this scenario, you start at the bottom of the pyramid (25 lb) and gradually work your way up with incremental weight increases. Pyramids can also run in reverse — starting with the heaviest weight and fewest reps, then moving downward. ### Example Reverse Pyramid - 8 reps at 40 lb - Rest 2 min - 10 reps at 35 lb - Rest 2 min - 12 reps at 30 lb - Rest 3 min - 15 reps at 25 lb Both approaches work — the standard pyramid tends to prioritize a strong warm-up before your heaviest effort, while the reverse pyramid hits your heaviest weight while you’re freshest, which some lifters prefer for pure strength gains. ![free weights for muscle strength](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/free-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Free weights are great for increasing muscle strength ## Tips for Improving Muscular Strength and Definition If you’re like most guys, you want to increase strength across all major muscle groups while adding visible definition. This is especially true for bodybuilders. So what’s the best approach? You’ll hear a ton of advice across the internet, but I’ll give it to you straight. **Muscular strength is a function of consistency.** You can do all the progressive overloading you want, but if you’re not training regularly, growth won’t happen. [Missing training sessions](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/) can’t be part of your routine if strength is the goal. With that in mind, here are some general tips for improving strength: - Engage in free-weight exercises - Use a progressive overload approach - Employ principles of variation — change exercises, rep ranges, or tempo every few weeks - Consider plyometrics - Increase the intensity of your training - Prioritize compound lifts (squats, deadlifts, bench, rows) over isolation work when strength is the primary goal - Give muscles 48 hours of recovery before training them again at high intensity - Assess [how much muscle](https://guycounseling.com/3-primary-factors-that-determine-how-much-muscle-you-can-build/) you can realistically build, given your genetics and training age ## Building Muscular Strength Benefits When you build muscular strength, you gain a lot more than the ability to lift heavier weight. Other benefits include: - Building lean muscle mass - Increasing muscular size - Boosting metabolism (helpful for weight loss) - Looking tighter and leaner - Coping with daily stress in a healthier way - Increasing your level of self-esteem - Improving posture - Seeing real, visible results from your effort at the gym - Protecting bone density and joint stability as you age ![muscle building factors](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/muscle-building-factors.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Myths About Building Muscle Strength There are several myths about building muscular strength floating around — most of them urban legend, and some spread by people looking for a permission slip to skip the gym. - Increasing strength takes away from endurance - Women shouldn’t build strength because it makes them look bulky - You can increase strength through plyometric exercises alone - Strength and power mean the same thing - Older people (50+) can’t grow their muscles - Only bodybuilders benefit from strength-building exercises None of these hold up. Strength and endurance can be trained together, women build strength without unwanted bulk (that requires a very specific training and eating approach most people never pursue), and research consistently shows older adults can build meaningful strength and muscle well into their 70s and beyond. ![Chris Hemsworth signing autographs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/leo-man-personality.jpg?resize=594%2C381&ssl=1) Chris Hemsworth engages in muscular strength building exercises ## Celebrities Who Regularly Build Muscle Strength If you’re a moviegoer or watch much television, a few of these names are probably familiar. Here’s a short list of actors who regularly engage in strength-building exercises as part of their careers. - Chris Evans ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/chrisevans/)) - Scott Eastwood ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/scotteastwood/)) - Ryan Phillippe — [see our full profile](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-facts/) ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/ryanphillippe/)) - Dwayne Johnson, “The Rock” ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/therock/)) - Chris Pine - Zac Efron ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/zacefron/)) - Cam Gigandet — [see our full breakdown](https://guycounseling.com/cam-gigandet-ab-workout/) - Tom Hardy ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/tomhardy/)) - Sylvester Stallone ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/officialslystallone/)) - Arnold Schwarzenegger ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/schwarzenegger/)) - Vin Diesel ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/vindiesel/)) - Lou Ferrigno - Chris Hemsworth ([Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/chrishemsworth/)) ## Wrap Up If your goal is to see noticeable results at the gym, focus your efforts on muscular strength-building exercises. There are plenty of books on this topic available online. One of my favorites is *Bigger Leaner Stronger* by Michael Matthews — loaded with practical tips whether you’re new to strength training or already have years of experience. ![](https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1938895304)*Bigger Leaner Stronger* by Michael Matthews on [Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1938895304?tag=guycounseling-20) I hope you found the information on this page useful. Remember, consistency is key to getting bigger and stronger! ## FAQ ### What’s the difference between muscular strength and muscular power? Strength is the maximal force a muscle can generate in a single effort. Power adds a time component — it’s how quickly that force can be produced, combining both velocity and force. ### How is 1RM calculated? 1RM (one-repetition maximum) is found by testing the heaviest weight you can lift exactly once through a full range of motion, after a proper warm-up and gradual increases in load. ### Can older adults still build muscular strength? Yes. Research consistently shows adults well into their 70s and beyond can build meaningful strength and muscle mass through consistent resistance training. ### Do women get bulky from strength training? Not from typical strength training. Significant muscle bulk requires a specific, deliberate combination of training volume, caloric surplus, and often years of dedicated work that most recreational lifters never pursue. **References:** Kenny, L., Wilmore, J., & Costill, D. (2015). *Physiology of Sport and Exercise* (Vol. 6). Champaign, IL: Human Kinetics. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** fitness for men, muscle strength, muscular strength, muscular strength examples, resistance training, Strength Training --- ### [7 Going Back to College Tips for Adult Students](https://guycounseling.com/back-college-success-strategies/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/man-coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Going back to college hacks Do you want to go back to college? Are you an older learner who is returning to university studies with the goal of degree completion? Congratulations. This is probably one of the most exciting times of your life. But let’s also be real. Going back to college can also cause great anxiety. This point is particularly true if you are transitioning from lots of open time to a schedule that is highly structured. As a college professor, I can tell you that just like students, faculty also struggle with getting back into the academic. End of summer and holiday breaks are two examples. **More:** [What to do if caught plagiarizing ](https://guycounseling.com/caught-plagiarizing-5-tips-to-get-out-of-hot-water/) Given the topic, I’d like to share with you 7 success strategies for returning to school with an eye on stress reduction. Hopefully, you’ll be able to use one or more of these to fit your specific situation. I encourage you to read them all in order to gain the maximum benefits. Let’s jump right in! ## ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1)1. Set limits on smart phone use I’m listing this one first because it is probably the most difficult to manage on the list. According to recent research, college students spend a whopping [8-10 hours](https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/08/31/new-study-finds-cell-phone-addiction-increasingly-realistic-possibility/74312.html) on their phone each day. The majority of time is gobbled up on social media and texting friends. There’s nothing wrong with staying in touch. In fact, it can be healthy. The trick is to set limits. An example of this is scheduling 1-hour a day to respond to messages and interact on Facebook. Other tips include: - Deciding not to jump on social media as soon as you wake up. Instead, schedule that time for later in the day. - Being mindful of how social media and texting can be a time sponge - Placing smartphones out of view so they don’t act as a visual temptation ## 2. Master the Power of No One of the hardest skills to learn in life is saying no to others. For college students, this ability can be super challenging. That’s because most learning environments are collaborative in nature. In turn, this makes us naturally want to help people in need. That said, keep the following in mind. *Someone else’s crisis is not your emergency.* In other words, don’t be afraid to make yourself unavailable to others when necessary. An example might be a friend who is going through lots of drama the night before you have a major test. Saying no for college students also means: - Being OK with skipping some social events - Not volunteering for activities you don’t have time for - Being OK with not responding to social media posts ## 3. Make your study area calming The place where you study needs to be sacred. Think of it as an area where your mind absorbs knowledge and empowers your spirit. Ideally, this location will also spark creativity and renewal. Some college students place soothing artwork or pictures on a wall to help them chillax. Others paint their rooms in warm colors, like browns and tans, to promote calmness. Think oceans, sky, clouds and mountains here. Practical examples: - Having green plants around - Keeping a well-organized area for writing, reading and research - Minimizing outside distractions ## 4. Tuning out the news Are you a news junkie? You wouldn’t be alone. A lot of college students (and faculty) are glued to the news like a moth to a flame. While exposure to some news is important, it can also [increase anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/). Moreover, being too attached to current events can suck you into a rabbit hole of websites and stories. To be successful in college, you’ll need to focus like a laser on learning concepts and constructs. This means taking time to process new material and then applying this knowledge through an assignment deliverable (i.e., an essay, exam, project). By turning out the news, you reduce manic energy and promote inner calmness. That’s not to say you shouldn’t know what’s happening in the world. You should. Just don’t let yourself get sucked into the daily news cycle. ## 5. Schedule time for fun An obvious tip but none the less important to mention. Scheduling time for fun is critical to your success. That’s because “down time” helps to spark creativity. Just as your body becomes exhausted after long periods of physical exertion, so does your brain. That’s why scheduling time for fun is important to your academic success. Under this point, I encourage you to make chillaxing part of your daily schedule. It can’t be wall to wall studies after all. Otherwise, you’ll burn out. Examples of scheduling fun include: - A date with someone - Spending time with friends or family - Watching a movie or something on Netflix ## 6. Physical activity There’s nothing worse than being tied to a desk with your nose in a book for hours on end. This is particularly true if you are studying material with concepts that are difficult to grasp. That’s why you must schedule physical activity. By getting in a little exercise, you help to pace yourself while allowing for mini-breaks. You don’t have to bang 10 bang out bench presses at the gym either. Small activities can do wonders. Examples of physical activity include: - A brisk walk around campus or the place you live for 15 minutes - Resistance band work (see this [YouTube video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLNaG45ZiiA)) - Simple abdominal exercises or stretching ## 7. Avoid toxic relationships The final tip is easier said than done. Here’s the thing. If you want to reduce stress as a college student, you’ve got to nix those toxic relationships. For example – do you have a “friend” that seems to take more than they give? How about a relative who is constantly in need? Close to someone who regularly puts you down? Nix them. And if you can’t do that, at least limit interaction. That’s probably rough to hear but at the end of the day, you are the one trying to earn that degree. The last thing you need is toxic energy. It’s OK to be selfish with this one. Don’t be afraid of cutting off people off who are unhealthy for you. ## Summing Things Up If you are looking for more helpful strategies as a student, I highly recommend reading the *Secrets of College Success* by Jacobs and Hyman [(See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2vBc7Mx)). Inside, you’ll find lots of practical advice from other students who have the same goal as you – degree completion! College should be one of the most exciting times of your life. New knowledge, new insight, and new possibilities. Keep your spirits high and reduce stress as much as possible. With the right attitude and a smart plan, you’ll be on your way to earning a credential that will benefit you for a lifetime. — **References** Wood, J. (2015). College Students In Study Spend 8 to 10 Hours Daily on Cell Phone. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 2, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/08/31/new-study-finds-cell-phone-addiction-increasingly-realistic-possibility/74312.html **Categories:** Academia, Field Notes **Tags:** Anxiety, College, Strategies, Success --- ### [10 Best Places to Hike in Colorado](https://guycounseling.com/colorado-hiking-tips/) **Published:** August 23, 2017 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![colorado hiking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/hiking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Places to hike in Colorado You don’t have to travel far in Colorado to reach some of the most physically challenging and overwhelmingly beautiful hikes in North America. Whether you want to sneak away for a quick sunset hike close to town or head out on a multi-day trek through the backcountry, Colorado is the gateway to it all and this article will help you find the trails you seek. ## 1. Red Rocks Park You may have heard of the world-famous Red Rocks Amphitheater where acts such as the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, and Radiohead have sent sound waves bouncing off the natural sandstone theater walls. But did you know that there’s phenomenal hiking at Red Rocks, too? Only a 25-minute drive from Denver, the trails at Red Rocks Park offer the perfect getaway for anyone wanting to take a convenient, scenic hike. The trails here wind through open meadows and in between the impressive red rock structures which are part of a geological wonder called the Fountain Formation. Climbing on the rocks isn’t allowed, but just getting up close is enough for a huge dose of awe and some killer photos. **More:** [Tips for hiking with your dog](https://guycounseling.com/hiking-camping-dogs-tips/) There are two primary trails at Red Rocks Park — the Trading Post Trail, a short-but-scenic 1.4 mile loop, and the more challenging Red Rocks Trail, which is about 6 miles round-trip. The landscape is very open and exposed to the sun, so plan your hike for the early morning to avoid the heat. Don’t forget sunscreen and plenty of water! ## 2. White Ranch Park Another hiking area close to Denver is the White Ranch Park located just outside Golden, CO. The trails at White Ranch take you through classic Colorado Foothills scenery — open meadows and stands of ponderosa pines sprawled out over the rolling hills that lead to the High Rockies. As a protected area, an abundance of wildlife can be seen including elk, deer, black bear, wild turkeys, and the occasional mountain lion. There are several short trails at White Ranch and a popular option is to link up the Rawhide, Longhorn, Maverick, Belcher, and Sawmill trails to create what’s known as the Sunset Loop. The loop is about 2 miles long with approximately 1,400 feet of elevation gain and gives you a perfect tour of the park in all its splendor. And if you want to do an easy overnighter, the Sawmill Hiker’s Campground within the park offers ten hike-in-only campsites to pitch a tent and cook up a meal over the fire. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BUYknTyllCp/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## 3. Golden Gate Canyon State Park If you feel the White Ranch Park is a little too close to town, you can head slightly further into the mountains to visit Golden Gate Canyon State Park. Still only 30 minutes away from Denver, this 12,000-acre chunk of outdoor paradise has over 35 miles of hiking trails that range from easy strolls to hardscrabble slogs up steep faces. While this is a popular state park with full RV hookups and over 100 developed campsites, there are plenty of opportunities to get away from the crowds. Several trails — like the Coyote and Mountain Lion trails — take you up and away into the backcountry where you’ll get panoramic views of the Continental Divide, Indian Peaks Wilderness, and Tremont Mountain among other peaks. Plus, if you want to extend your stay, there are three backcountry campsites with primitive three-sided shelters that sleep up to six people each — perfect for impromptu overnighters. ## 4. Elk Meadow Park Rounding out our recommendations for close-to-Denver hiking destinations we have Elk Meadow Park. And like its name implies, you’ll find large herds of elk in the meadows of this stunning mountain park in Evergreen, CO. In addition to wildlife, which beyond elk include mule deer, coyotes, and birds of prey, you’ll also see historical structures such as the Bergen Barn that date back to when the area was first settled. There are over 13 miles of hiking trails at Elk Meadow, most of which are rated easy to moderate and perfect for bringing kids or first-time hikers along. The South Loop is a great trail that links the Meadow View, Elk Ridge, and Sleepy “S” trails to form a 2.6-mile loop. However, if you’re looking for more of a challenge, there are two strenuous trails that climb to the summit of Bergen Peak. Tucked back into the foothills, Elk Meadow is often a few degrees cooler than Denver, ideal for a summer retreat into nature. ## 5. Chautauqua Park If you happen to be in the Boulder area, you can’t help but notice the Flatirons posed against the Front Range to create one of the most picturesque backdrops any town could have. And what do you do if you want to get up close and personal with those giant rock structures? Head to Chautauqua Park. From Chautauqua Park, you gain access to a large network of trails that take you through vast meadows and up into the hills where the Flatirons rest. The Chautauqua Trail, by far the most popular, leads you straight to the Flatirons where you can explore to your heart’s content. Branching off from the Chautauqua Trail is the Royal Arch Trail that offers a vicious climb — 800 feet of gain in 0.8 miles! — up switchbacks to the Royal Arch, a unique arched rock formation. **More:** [Wilderness backpacking tips](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/) Longer hiking opportunities are also available at Chautauqua including the Mesa Trail — 6.9 miles — along with trails that lead to the summits of Bear Mountain, South Boulder Peak, and Green Mountain. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BTA67hRj8tX/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## 6. Indian Peaks Wilderness As you can see, there are some amazing places to hike close to Denver and Boulder. But what if you want to head a bit deeper into the mountains to experience some truly wild places? One of your first stops should be the Indian Peaks Wilderness located a relatively short drive from Boulder. Although it’s one of the most accessible and frequented federally designated wilderness areas in the country, with 169 miles of trails spread out over 76,711 acres, you should have no problem finding solitude on your hike. While there are many trails to choose from in the Indian Peaks Wilderness, the Buchanan Pass Trail is a great starting point if you’re ready to test your endurance with a 15-mile hike. You’ll follow the glacial St. Vrain Creek and pass by Red Deer Lake before reaching the crux of the trail — crossing the Continental Divide at over 12,000 feet. Hiking and camping are permitted year-round in the Indian Peaks Wilderness, so if you’re itching to set off on an extended backpacking trip, this is a great place to do so. And since the area is so vast, you may want to pick up a copy of the guidebook, “Colorado’s Indian Peaks: Classic Hikes and Climbs,” to get the most out of your trek. ## 7. Rocky Mountain National Park If you take a gander at the Colorado Front Range, one of the most prominent peaks you’ll see is Longs Peak clocking in at 14,259 feet. This undeniably majestic mountain is located inside Rocky Mountain National Park which is a must-visit destination for anyone coming to Colorado. While there is a trail that ascends Longs Peak, it’s no easy feat and not recommended for inexperienced hikers. Luckily, Rocky Mountain National Park is home to many other more welcoming trails, which you can think of training grounds for the ultimate challenge of Longs Peak! There are way too many excellent day and multi-day hikes to list here, so if you’re planning a trip to RMNP definitely pick up a copy of “Rocky Mountain National Park: The Complete Hiking Guide,” which is widely held as the authoritative resource on hiking in the park. But to give you an idea of what’s available, some of the best trails to check out in the park are the Mt. Ida Trail, the Hallet Peak Trail, the Emerald Lake Trail, and the Chapin-Chiquita-Ypsilon Trail which take you to some of the highest elevations in the park. ## 8. Telluride Area Telluride is famous for powder-rich skiing and snowboarding, but in the summer when the snow melts, it’s a hikers haven. Many of the best hiking trails in Telluride are accessible from right in town. A great resource to check out for more information is the [Telluride Mountain Club website](http://www.telluridemountainclub.org/telluride-hiking-trails-map/). For a moderate and very rewarding hike, check out the Ajax Peak Trail which takes you up a non-technical climb to the summit. You get 360-degree views of Imogene Pass, Savage Basin, Bridal Veil Basin, as well as the town of Telluride. For a nice short and easy hike, the Bridal Veil Falls trail couldn’t be better, leading you straight to Bridal Veil Falls — the tallest free-falling waterfall in Colorado. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BSpu28zDeHt/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## 9. Great Sand Dunes National Park So far we’ve covered lots of trails throughout Colorado. But what if you don’t want to be confined to a trail? What if you want to amble through the wilderness as you please? Then we highly recommend heading down to the Great Sand Dunes National Park in south central Colorado. It’s hard to believe, but Great Sand Dunes National Park is home to the tallest sand dunes in North America. Star Dune, the tallest of the tall, is over 750 feet tall. The best part is, it’s hikeable. The dune field at the park measures 30 square miles and you can have free reign over it all. Since the terrain is essentially open sand, there aren’t any strictly defined trails. However, there are some great routes established that will take you to the top of the highest dunes to see the incredible views in the distance. The dunes butt up against the Sangre de Cristo mountains which are some of the most beautiful in the state. And although the dunes seem dry and barren, only the top several inches of sand are dry — there’s enough moisture below the surface to sustain plants like blowout grass and small creatures like the Great Sand Dunes Tiger Beetle and Ord’s kangaroo rat. Larger animals such as elk, pronghorn antelope, mule deer, and bighorn sheep also frequent the dunes and a large herd of bison owned by the Nature Conservancy is ranched within the bounds of the park. It might seem easy enough to walk up a big hill made of sand, but sand can be a lot harder to walk on than solid dirt or rock — don’t be surprised when you feel the burn! And speaking of burn… If you visit Great Sand Dunes National Park in the summer, be prepared to cope with the heat — the sand dunes can easily reach 150 degrees! Sunscreen, sunglasses, and a good hat are a must and a handkerchief or buff can be helpful to keep the sand out of your mouth when the wind picks up. ## 10. Continental Divide Trail There are countless hiking trails *within* Colorado, but don’t overlook the mega-trail that traverses all the way *through* the state. We’re talking about the Continental Divide Trail, and if you have an extra 6 months of free-time on your hands, it’ll take you from Canada all the way to Mexico — on foot. Now, you don’t have to hike the entire Continental Divide Trail to enjoy it. Approximately 800 miles of the trail pass through the mountains of Colorado and there are many points of access along the entire length. So even if you want to hop on the CDT for a day or two, you can. Popular access points are in the San Juan, Rio Grande, Arapahoe, and Medicine Bow Routt National Forests as well as in Rocky Mountain National Park. If you do decide to tackle the entire CDT — or even just the Colorado section — you’ll hike through some of the most scenic and remote parts of the Rocky Mountains. You’ll march through the alpine tundra of the South San Juan, Weminuche, and La Garita Wilderness areas, pass by the Collegiate Peaks near Leadville, go up and over Grays Peak, the highest point on the CDT, and see geological sites such as the Window, the Knife Edge, and Devil’s Thumb. If you’ve been searching for an extreme hiking adventure, you just found it. Load up your pack, strap on your boots, and get on the Continental Divide Trail. However, if you’re just getting into hiking and aren’t quite ready to spend months living out of a backpack, start frequenting some of the many great trails we introduced today and build up your endurance. No matter where you choose to hike, there’s always an adventure to be had in Colorado. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Camping, Colorado, Hiking, Outdoors, Trails, Wilderness --- ### [10 Tips for Hiking and Camping with Dogs](https://guycounseling.com/hiking-camping-dogs-tips/) **Published:** June 20, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hiking camping with dogs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/hiking-and-backpacking-with-dogs.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Useful tips for hiking with dogs I’ve always found hiking with dogs to be fun. There’s something about being in the wilderness with these curious creatures that adds to the experience. For several reasons, it just seems like their instinctual gifts come alive whenever they’re outdoors. Be it smelling something in the distance or hearing other animals nearby, dogs make hiking more enjoyable. Taking your dog hiking is a great way for you to bond while spending quality time together. Moreover, it gives your fur-baby a chance to exercise and enjoy a controlled romp outdoors. If you could ask your dog if he would rather take a walk around the block or visit a nature trail, which do you think he would pick? But here is the thing. Not every park welcomes dogs. The ones that do have very strict rules that rangers tend to enforce. There are several reasons for this, including: - Dogs often think of parks and campgrounds as giant play areas. - Some dogs are instinctively impulsive and will give chase to other animals. - Canines can (and have) transmitted diseases to other wildlife, such as nesting birds and marine animals. - A dog’s unique scent, often left on trees or bushes, can disrupt the natural behavior of other animals native to the area. - Some parks and camping areas simply aren’t safe for dogs because of topography, dangerous wildlife or poisonous plants. For these reasons and many more, it’s critical to check ahead and find out if dogs are allowed on the hiking trails or campgrounds you plan on visiting. Assuming it is OK, here’s 10 tips for hiking with dogs that can help keep him safe so that both of you can have a good time. ![hiking with dogs tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1) ## 1. Not all dogs are good hikers If you’ve been hiking for any amount of time, you already know there’s a conditioning process that takes place. With each new hiking experience, you help to build your endurance. It’s important to keep in mind that your dog needs to be conditioned, too. - Don’t expect your dog to easily hike the first couple of times out. - Some dogs that are overweight struggle. Hiking can be good exercise but too much stress can cause cardiovascular problems. In extreme situations, even death. - Your dog will always try to keep up with you. If your pet is new to the trail, pace yourself so that he doesn’t overheat. - Consider doing some light training in advance with your dog before a hiking trip. Extended walks through hilly areas can be helpful. ## 2. Make sure your dog is vaccinated This tip may seem like common sense but is often overlooked during the planning period because there’s so many other things to focus on. This is particularly true for [wilderness hiking trips](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/). - Make sure your dog has a rabies, parvo and heartworm vaccination. - Inform your vet that you want to take your dog hiking. Be open to any feedback. - Do an Internet search to find out if there have been any medical problems related to dogs in the area (ex: dog flu). [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/bjjyJV6rb3nXy) ## 3. Dog tags are a must This point is also obvious but important to mention. Sadly, many dogs become lost on hiking and camping trips. There are tons of reasons for this, including an excited canine that breaks free from camp or dog owners that don’t properly leash their pet. - Doublecheck your dog’s tags to make sure it contains the proper information. - Consider a micro-chip bar code. You can buy these online and do it yourself. See [Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/4wF6gjn). - Explore micro-chips that have a geo-tracking device. There are many on the market. ## 4. Clean up after your dog Many people who bring their dogs on hiking trips don’t bother to clean up poop after their dog and they should. - Dog poop is no fun to step in for other hikers. - Canine excrement can disrupt local wildlife. - You and your dog can be fined or banned from a park. - Too many incidents of dog poop from visitors on a hiking trail can cause a park to ban all pets. - Carry several dog poop bags in your backpack to scoop up your pet’s waste. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/cheezburger-funny-dog-woods-DKvPmweRe2uo8) ## 5. No wildlife chasing Dogs are natural born chasers. Depending upon the breed, some will instinctively run after birds, squirrels, snakes and even wolves. That’s why it’s critical to keep your dog on a leash. - If [wolves are in the area](https://guycounseling.com/wolf-attack/), keep your dog very close. - Be mindful of wildlife and work on strategies to keep your dog from getting overexcited. Excessive barking can be an annoyance to other hikers and campers. - Never let your dog come face to face with other wildlife. There have been incidents where dogs (or native animals) have been injured and killed. - Pay attention to your dog’s behavior. There is a good chance he will sense wildlife in the area well before you do. Dogs can act as a natural radar against potential danger. ## 6. Trail users have first rights If your dog is unruly, he can cause you to get fined. On hiking trails, dogs must yield to other hikers. - Make sure he is leashed up and close to your person when encountering horses, cattle or cyclists. - Move off the main trail during heavy traffic periods to let others pass by. - Avoid hiking in packs with other pet owners. This causes congestion. - Too many incidents of unruly dogs on trails can cause administrators to close the park to dogs permanently. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/cgBoOvC9IwmkM) ## 7. Carry water for your dog Some people think a simple water bottle is enough to hydrate themselves and their dog. Believing this, however, is a mistake. It’s important to have enough h20 with you so that both you and your pet can remain hydrated. - Remember that dogs do not tolerate heat as well as humans. - Consider your dog’s size when planning water supplies. - Think about getting a specialized drinking container for dogs on the go. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2rKlS4p). - Don’t let your pet drink from stagnant water puddles. They may contain harmful bacteria that will cause your dog to get sick. - Running rivers and streams may be OK to let him drink unless signage indicates otherwise. - As a general rule remember: if you won’t drink the water source, don’t let your animal. ## 8. Get a dog first aid kit Just like humans, dogs experience cuts, nicks and breaks. In some situations, dogs can even fracture bones due to falls. That’s why you need to bring along a dog first aid kit. You can buy these almost anywhere. Some can be fancier than others. I personally like the Canine Friendly First Aid Kit ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/4pkkynb)). Not only does it come with a ton of supplies, it also has a small booklet for helping you to administer emergency care. Finally on this point, make sure you carry any medication that your dog may need to take. You can stick it in the first aid kit or fit your pet with a dog backpack. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/cheezburger-dog-stick-zyhpSJnNbJqG4) ## 9. Be mindful of poison oak Dogs – the cute little monsters that they are – love to roll on grass and rub up against trees and bushes. The problem is they can sometimes come into contact with poison oak and sumac. In turn, they can spread the poison to you and your family. - Get to know what poison oak looks like. See this article with pictures on [Health Line](http://www.healthline.com/health/outdoor-health/poison-oak-pictures-remedies) to learn more. - Do not cuddle or pet your dog until he is cleaned. - When washing your dog, use a degreasing soap to remove the oils from your pet’s coat. - Wear gloves when washing your pet. - The best way to handle poison oak, ivy and sumac is to avoid your pet encountering these plants in the first place. ## 10. Check for ticks The final tip is to periodically check your dog for ticks while in the wilderness. The fact is ticks love to hitch rides on pets and then feed off their blood. - If you find a tick, grasp it close to the head with tweezers and pull out firmly. - Make sure no part of the tick is left behind. - Clean the tick’s burrow area with alcohol. - Keep an eye on the area closely to make sure it doesn’t get infected. - If you see redness a day or two after the tick has been removed or other signs of infection, get to the vet asap. - Carry a flea and tick spray and to help keep critters away. Also consider using a flea and tick collar. ## Wrap Up Bringing your dog on a hiking or camping trip can be a lot of fun. The memories created will last a lifetime. By following these 10 tips, you both will be well on your way to safe and happy travels. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Animals, Camping, Dogs, Hiking, Wilderness, Wolves --- ### [5 Ways to Reduce Laugh Lines Around Your Mouth](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-smile-laugh-lines/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![laugh lines gym face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/laugh-lines-man-face.jpeg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1) ## Smile and laugh lines can be effectively treated Do you have deep [smile lines](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1524-4725.2008.34366.x/full) around your mouth? Do these folding wrinkles make you self-conscious? Are you hoping to find ways to lessen their appearance? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. One of the most obvious signs of aging in men are the formation of smile lines around the lips and nose. The clinical name for these wrinkles is marionette lines. They usually frame the width of the mouth and can stretch as high as the cheeks. Because men tend to have thicker, denser skin than our female counterparts, the appearance of these laugh lines can be profound. ## **Smile lines explained** As you age, the production of collagen decreases. This in turns makes your facial skin less supple and elastic. The good news is there are practical things you can do to reduce the look of these crevasses. Moreover, they don’t require the injection of dermal fillers. What follows are five simple steps you can take to smooth out the area around your mouth to create a younger, more attractive look. Check it out! ![how to get rid of smile and laugh lines](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=524%2C332&ssl=1)Remove smile lines from face ## **1. Examine your diet** We know from clinical research that diet has a direct impact on the appearance of skin. Processed foods have a way of robbing the dermis of vital nutrients, which in turn lessens the body’s ability to produce collagen. Try to load up on eats that are high in protein and contain anti-oxidants. Excellent choices include fresh fruits like oranges, raisins, blueberries and raspberries. Additionally, increasing Vitamins A, C, and D can help promote skin elasticity. Finally, protein rich foods are critical to keeping your skin elastic, supple and smooth. Be sure to read this post on the relationship between [protein and health](https://guycounseling.com/10-telltale-signs-need-protein-men/). ## **2. Start using a collagen mask** Once you hit your mid-twenties, collagen production begins to decrease rapidly. If left unchecked, this can cause lines around your mouth to become more pronounced. This is why you should start using a specialized sheet mask early that is loaded with collagen. Through the process of dermal osmosis, the sheet will deliver this important proteinic substance directly to the lines. Over the course of time, the wrinkles will diminish. Should you go this route, use the mask at least two-three times a week. The folks at Obi Posay make a great one that that comes in a 10-pack container. [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4w1ORkW). ## **3. Use the right anti-aging cream for men** Not all creams that are designed to reduce the appearance of smile lines are the same. The fact of the matter is, many products on the market are produced for women. That’s kind of a big deal and here’s why. As a guy, your skin is constituted differently. It’s thicker, and more porous. If you use a product that isn’t mindful of these factors, it’s a waste of your money. To specifically address smile lines, consider using Men’s Science Anti-Aging Formula ([check Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2sB87to)). It’s loaded with retinol, GABA, peptides and alpha lipoic acid; ingredients that are known to help men push back against the telltale signs of aging on the face. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BSsXM25DYsN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **4. Grab an instant smoother** An extremely effective way to reduce smile lines is to use an instant smoother. Sometimes called a collagen filler, this product is cream based and is designed to be applied directly on the lines. One of the best ones on the market is Roc collegen Filler. It not only plumps and smooths, it also moisturizes. The results are almost instantaneous. [Check Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/4ykpr3N). ## **5. Use an anti-wrinkle moisturizer at night** When you go to bed at night, your skin begins a rejuvenation process. If you have deep wrinkles around your mouth, it important to apply a product that promotes collagen delivery and production in men. An excellent choice to consider is ELEMIS Pro-Collagen Marine Cream ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2tmMQQA)). It’s loaded with anti-oxidant rich Ginkgo Biloba and super smoother Bassinet – and of course, collagen. Combined, they work as a trio to improve miniaturization, dermal suppleness, firmness and elasticity. ## **Wrap Up** Aging is a fact of life. There’s no way to 100% stop lines and wrinkles from appearing. That said, you can do a lot to minimize their appearance and intensity. If you have time, be sure to read my men’s skin care guides. Thanks for stopping by! **Related:** [5 face care products every guy must own](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/) [How men can get rid of baggy eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) — References: Carruthers, et al. (2008). *A Validated Grading Scale for Marionette Lines*. p 167-162. Journal of Dermatologic Surgery. **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Face Care Men, Grooming, men's skin care, Wrinkles --- ### [10 Skills Archery Can Teach Every Man](https://guycounseling.com/archery-man-skills/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![archery bow and arrow man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/man-archery-bow-and-arrow.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) *“Nothing clears a troubled mind like shooting a bow.” ~* Fred Bear, legendary archer and bowhunter Bows and arrows have been important tools for hunting, warfare, and sport for at least 10,000 years. And although archery equipment has advanced significantly over the last several millennia, the act of shooting a bow — whether it’s a medieval longbow or a modern compound — has remained constant. Draw back, aim, and release. Watch your arrow fly and smack the target with a satisfying thud. Aside from the traditional “benefits” of archery — harvesting game meat and killing enemies — there are many skills to be gained through the ancient art of slinging arrows that extend far beyond the target. From skills that improve your mind-body connection to those that hone your character, here are ten life-improving incentives to practicing archery along with some helpful tips to get started. ## 1. Develop Intense Focus and Concentration All the steps involved in shooting a bow — nocking the arrow, raising the bow arm, drawing the string to the anchor point, taking aim, and executing a smooth release — require tremendous focus and concentration to send the arrow where you want it to go. In many ways, the outcome of your shot is a reflection of your level of focus throughout the shot process. When you first start shooting, you’ll likely feel overwhelmed by all the actions you must perform simultaneously to loose an arrow. And with your focus scattered, you’ll find your arrows sprayed all over the target face. Don’t worry, it’s normal. But archery is all about learning and improving through doing. The more arrows you shoot, the more comfortable you’ll become with the shot process, and the easier it will be to concentrate on every action. With practice, you’ll develop laser-like focus to hit any mark you choose. ## 2. Gain Clarity of Mind When focus and concentration are applied to the act of shooting a bow, archery becomes a moving meditation. The simple goal of hitting a target provides something tangible to focus on, allowing your mind to withdraw from the noise and distractions of everyday life. **More:** [Learn about developing situational awareness](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/) Many archers find that going to the range after work to shoot arrows for an hour or two is a great way to mentally detox from the day’s events. And just as with other forms of meditation, the more you practice archery, the quicker you can enter this state of mental clarity. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/archery-ZHOKnVDx5YngQ) ## 3. Flex Your Patience Muscle One of the most common shooting errors new archers make is what’s known as “rushing the shot” or “punching the trigger.” This happens when you’re aiming at the target with an arrow drawn back, then suddenly, a nervous flurry comes over you and you quickly release the shot. The movement caused by this rushed release makes the bow jump and jerk in your hand, altering your aim and the flight of the arrow. So how do you *not* freak out and rush the shot? It comes down to in-the-moment patience. When you draw back and aim, it’s normal to feel a little frantic and *force* the shot to happen. However, through practice you learn that there’s no rush — you have all the time in the world to take a few beats and slowly, patiently execute a smooth, clean shot. It’s a matter of *allowing* the shot to happen. ## 4. Improve Coordination and Balance Drawing a bow back can feel awkward at first. It requires the coordination of your entire body from the ground up. Your arms and hands must work in harmony, your shoulders, neck, and head must be aligned in a certain way, and your legs and feet must provide a strong foundation while keeping your weight evenly balanced. Combining all these very specific body movements and positions can be a lot to manage all at once. But as you work to develop proper archery form, your body learns what to do and muscle memory starts kicking in. ## 5. Build Physical Strength and Stability Getting your body parts to cooperate and move into the right position is one thing, but having the strength to hold steady during the shot is another. While archery isn’t the most physically demanding sport in the world, there are certain muscle groups that must be developed and strengthened in order to draw and hold back a heavy bow. It would seem that archery is all arms, but when done properly, it’s actually the large muscles of the back that do the bulk of the work. The core muscles play an important role, too. The problem is we don’t often use our muscles in the unique way archery demands. But as you shoot your bow, these muscles will get stronger and become toned specifically for the task. ## 6. Boost Your Distance Judging Abilities Good archers and good golfers have one thing in common: an uncanny ability to judge distances. This skill might not have practical applications outside of your archery pursuits (unless you also play golf), but as you spend time on the range, you’ll start calling yardage faster and with more accuracy to aim your bow accordingly. ## ![Man reflecting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/young-man-reflecting-window-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 7. Aim Small, Miss Small You may recall this phrase from the movie, *The Patriot*. In the movie, Mel Gibson’s character instructs his sons to “aim small, miss small” as they prepare for an encounter with the Red Coats. Moments later, the boys let lead fly, and needless to say, their father’s advice was sound. Accuracy in archery is when your arrow hits the precise mark you’re aiming at. The goal is to do this over and over again at will. The best archers understand that in order to achieve a consistent level of accuracy, you can’t aim at the full breadth of the target and hope to hit the bullseye. Instead, you have to aim at a single spot on the target — or animal if you’re hunting — and the smaller, the better. **Related:** [How to be a more confident man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) The idea is, then, that if you miss the small spot you’re aiming at, you’re still likely to hit the target. But if you aim at a large area as opposed to a single spot, when you miss, you run the risk of missing the target altogether. Byron Ferguson, a world-class archer known for his mind-blowing trick shots, takes the “aim small, miss small” concept to a new level. At his exhibitions, he shoots tiny targets — golf balls, dimes, and aspirin tablets — out of the air. What’s more, he does his stunts with a traditional longbow without any sight pins, aiming instead by feel and instinct. Inevitably, after witnessing these crazy shots, people ask Byron how he manages to hit an aspirin tablet with an arrow. “Because I’m aiming at the center,” he explains. “The center of an aspirin tablet is exactly the same size as the center of a beach ball.” ## 8. Meet Like-Minded People In the moment, shooting a bow is a solitary endeavor. But in between shots, archery is a surprisingly social activity. Simply hanging out at your local archery range is a great way to meet people, who like you, find great satisfaction in the fine art of arrow launching. Depending on where you live, you’ll also find a whole host of archery-related events and meetups. With everything from low-pressure 3D target shoots to tournaments that range from novice-friendly to hardcore Olympic-level showdowns, archery provides a great venue for high-quality socializing. ## 9. Become a Hunter and Harvest Your Own Meat Most people who get into archery never leave the range. There’s nothing wrong with that and target shooting is a worthwhile endeavor that anyone can benefit from. But let’s not forget that bows and arrows are and have always been serious weapons. When you learn how to shoot a bow, you open up the possibility of harvesting your own meat. Bowhunting is extremely challenging, combining all the most difficult aspects of target shooting with the skills of bushcraft, navigation, tracking, stalking, and killing game. But when you’re successful, your efforts yield large amounts of the best meat available — totally free-range and organic. ## 10. Discipline and Stick-With-It-Ness Kyudo, which means *the way of the bow*, is one of the oldest martial arts in Japan. This traditional form of archery is approached more as a serious art form than a sport, requiring years of study and discipline to master. In the Western world, although much of the tradition and ceremony is absent from modern archery, discipline is still a key component of the practice. You can’t just pick up a bow and expect to excel. Continuous, intentional effort is required to get good at archery. But luckily, shooting arrows is a ton of fun and an easy way to add some discipline to your life. ## A Few Tips on How to Start Archery Archery is a sport you can participate in at any level of engagement. It’s possible to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on archery equipment, but unless your goal is to compete in high-level target archery or get deep into bowhunting, it’s possible to get started with only a small upfront investment. Regardless of how gung-ho you are, here are a few tips on getting started in archery. **Head to your local archery shop.** Archery is a gear-centric sport, and when you’re first starting out, chances are you’ll have no idea what you need. Seek out the advice from the folks at your local archery shop. You’ll quickly learn that there are many different styles of archery, and the pros should be able to help you decide what gear is best for you as well as provide some basic instruction to get started. **Get a bow.** There are so many different bows to choose from —compounds, longbows, recurves, and horse bows among many other styles. What’s most important is that you choose a bow you’re excited about shooting. It also needs to fit you, which is something your local archery shop can help with. To start exploring the different kinds of bows that are available, click around on [Lancaster Archery Supply](http://www.lancasterarchery.com/bows.html), one of the best archery shops on the web, and take note of any bows that catch your eye. If you only want to try archery and don’t want to spend a bunch of money on a bow, call around and see if any ranges or archery shops in your area offer bows for rent. **Find a range.** The entire sport of archery is based around shooting arrows — lots of them! For this, you need access to a good range. Many times, archery shops have onsite bow ranges you can use for an hourly fee. Some city parks offer outdoor ranges that are open to the public and often free to use. Do some research and find a range that’s as close to home as possible so you can shoot frequently. A great place to start your search is by using the “where to shoot” tool on [Archery 360’s website](https://www.archery360.com/where-to-shoot/). **Get instruction.** It’s possible to figure out how to shoot a bow all by yourself. But if you go the full DIY route, you run the risk of developing poor form and bad habits that could potentially lead to injury. To save yourself significant trouble, seek out some quality archery instruction. You should be able to track down a qualified archery coach through your local archery shop. Even a single lesson will pay dividends for your technique and enjoyment. You can also learn a lot about archery by hitting up Youtube and other online resources. For this, John Dudley’s Nock On TV videos and podcast should be at the top of your list. John Dudley is a top-level archery coach, former world champion archer, and professional bowhunter who puts out some of the best archery instructional content in any format. Plus, he goes into great detail about the technical side of archery gear, so if you’re interested in building and tuning bows, he’s your guy. **Start shooting.** Once you get a bow and learn the basics of how to shoot it, it’s time to let those arrows rip! Shoot as often as you can, focus on the details of every shot, and remember: aim small, miss small. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Archery, Mindfulness, Outdoors, Skills, Sport --- ### [How to Do Concentration Curls for Bigger Biceps](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/) **Published:** June 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![concentration curls](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/concentration-curls-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Concentration curls build arm muscles** Concentration curls are a term we often hear at the gym but what does it really mean? Additionally, what benefits can be gained by doing this exercise? Finally, can concentration curls help build bigger arm muscles? If you need answers to these questions, you’ve come to the right place! For years, I struggled to build bigger, thicker biceps. Time and again I would go to the gym and see little to no results. Frustrated with the lack of progress, I decided to embark on a mission of knowledge. **More:** [Arm workouts for explosive growth](https://guycounseling.com/arm-workouts-5-great-exercises-grow-biceps-triceps/) After doing tons of research and consulting with body builders,  I discovered that concentration curls were one of the best ways to increase arm muscle size. Seriously, it’s true. Research from the [American Council on Exercise](https://www.acefitness.org/about-ace/press-room/4989/new-study-reveals-best-biceps-exercises) suggests doing these types of specific movements yield more growth than other types of compound exercises. ![muscular weight lifting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-gym-curls-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Once I started to include them in my weekly workout routine, I noticed the effects were fast and dramatic. No, I didn’t sprout 16 inch guns. But I did notice sizable change in my biceps and to a lesser degree, triceps. And so that’s the inspiration for this article; to help you as the reader understand the basics of this exercise so that you can build larger, bigger biceps. ### **In this article, you will learn:** - The definition of a concentration curl - Benefits of concentration curls - Muscles involved in concentration curls - Equipment needed to conduct the exercise - Step by step “how to” instructions - How fitness experts do curls through videos ![concentration curls ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/upper-body-exercises-chest.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)Dumbbells offer great resistance ## **What is a concentration curl?** In plain-speak, a concentration curl is a compound exercise that isolates the biceps. It involves lower weights or reps than traditional bicep curls. ## **What are the benefits of concentration curls?** The biggest benefit of doing concentration curls is potential muscle growth. That’s because when you do them, you target specific muscle fibers and break them down. In turn, they rebuild themselves through protein synthesis into something larger. This happens when you [include progressive overloading](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/) as part of the exercise dynamic. ![muscles of the arm concentration curls](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/CONCENTRATION-CURLS.jpg?resize=563%2C381&ssl=1)Muscles used in concentration curls ## **What muscles are involved with concentration curls?** Most people think this exercise only benefits the top of the bicep. But that’s not quite accurate. In truth, several muscle groups are used – and benefit – when doing concentration curls. For example, if you are doing the incline version of this exercise, the muscle groups involved will include: - Biceps brachii - Brachialis muscles - Tricep brachii - Flexor digitorum - Pectoral major and minor - Serratus anterior - Rectus abdominis ## **What equipment is needed for concentration curls?** This exercise only requires a dumbbell for the standing version. See video above. If you are doing some form of the seated version, you will need a regular flat bench or incline bench. ## **How do you do the seated bench concentration curl?** For this exercise, start out with a low weight. I recommend something super light (15 LBS) as a starting point so that you can learn the exercise and engage in the full range of motion. Step by step 1\. Sit on the end of a bench with thighs parallel to the floor and your body braced. 2\. Curl the weight upward and make sure your elbow doesn’t move forward. The back of your upper arm should stay in contact with your inner thigh. 3\. Pause once you have fully contracted your bicep muscles. The idea is to take your forearm to a 45-degree angle. Return slowly and mindful of control to the starting position. Repeat with your other arm. ## **How do you do incline concentration curls?** You’ll want to use low weights as a starting point for this exercise until you learn how the motions work. Additionally, your goal will be to experience the full range of motion. Step by step 1\. Sit on an incline bench that is set to a 45-degree angle. Gripping the dumbbells in each hand, make sure your arms hang down from your shoulders. It’s essential that your back is well supported. 2 .Curl the dumbbell in one hand using an upward arc toward your shoulder. Don’t swing. As you lift upwards, turn your inner wrist towards your upper arm area. 3\. At the top, pause for a second and squeeze. Then, slowly lower the weight back to the starting position in a mindful, deliberate way. You should bring your arm back to the starting position (hanging). Repeat with the other arm. ## **Summing Things Up** Concentration curls are an excellent way to build your arm muscles. Moreover, they aren’t complicated and don’t require a bunch of special equipment. Some guys do these at home (seated version) using a chair and a dumbbell. If you travel and use a hotel gym, this is an excellent option should the facility not have barbells. Thanks for stopping by — References: American Council on Exercise (2014) *New study reveals best biceps exercises*. Retrieved from the web: https://www.acefitness.org/about-ace/press-room/4989/new-study-reveals-best-biceps-exercises **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** arms, Biceps, Compound Exercises, Concentration Curls --- ### [How to Make Cowboy Coffee in 7 Easy Steps](https://guycounseling.com/cowboy-coffee-directions/) **Published:** June 30, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cowboy coffee tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/cowboy-cofee.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Cowboy coffee step by step When you’re in the [wilderness](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/) huddled over a hot-burning campfire in the cold of the morning there’s nothing more satisfying than a steaming mug of freshly brewed coffee. But before you rush off to buy the latest coffee gadget for your next camping trip, take a few minutes to learn how a sure-enough range-ridin’ cowboy brews his morning elixir. All you need is ground coffee, water, and a pot. No filter necessary. Now, there’s some disagreement over the proper way to brew **cowboy coffee**. Some say your brew must be boiled into submission. Others advocate adding crushed eggshells to clarify the slurry. While there isn’t a single “right” way to go about it, there are, without a doubt, countless wrong ways to brew cowboy coffee that will leave you with a burnt-tasting tongue and a smile full of grounds. When a few key steps are taken, however, making great-tasting cowboy coffee is as easy as it gets. Without the employment of a filter, all the flavorful oils and compounds within the coffee beans remain in the brew, giving you the richest, most full-bodied cup attainable. You could say it’s coffee in its purest form. For [camping](https://guycounseling.com/canoe-camping-trip-planning/), no other brew method compares to the ease of preparation and adaptability of cowboy coffee. The batch size can be increased to accommodate groups of any size simply by using a bigger pot and adding more water and the coffee grounds. Moreover, there’s no waste to dispose of other than the spent coffee grounds, making cleanup a cinch. As you get comfortable brewing cowboy coffee, you may find yourself tweaking the recipe and procedure to fit your taste and preferences. That’s both perfectly acceptable and highly encouraged. But to help you get started, let’s go over what’s involved in making tasty cowboy coffee that will delight even the most discerning coffee drinkers. ## What it Takes to Make Great Cowboy Coffee ### The Coffee Beans Nothing has more of an impact on the final results of your brewing efforts than the quality of the coffee beans you use. This sentiment is summed up nicely with the phrase, “Garbage in, garbage out.” If you start with stale, low-quality beans, you’ll end up with a subpar beverage no matter what brewing method you use — cowboy or otherwise. So to ensure that your cowboy coffee tastes the best it can, you must first obtain high-quality coffee beans. For best results, the coffee should be freshly roasted, no more than 30 days old. You’ll know your coffee is fresh if it has a “roasted on” date clearly labeled on the bag. If you’re not sure where to find such coffee, your local specialty coffee shop is a great place to start. Of course, if you aren’t picky, use whatever coffee you normally drink or have on hand. Regarding roast style, medium to medium-dark roasted coffee generally works best when brewing cowboy coffee. Lighter roasts will work too but have a tendency to produce slightly sour notes if the grind isn’t set just right. ### The Grind Ideally, you should keep your coffee in its whole bean form until just before brewing to keep it at peak freshness. To accomplish this while camping, you’ll need to bring along a hand-grinder such as the GSI Outdoors Coffee Mill ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/4f3JagE)). If you don’t want to hassle with cranking away before brewing, go ahead and grind your coffee ahead of time. You’ll notice a slight difference in flavor if you’re paying really close attention, but perhaps not enough to warrant the extra effort of hand-grinding. The second most important factor after quality and freshness of the coffee beans is the grind size. The size of the coffee grounds affects the rate of extraction during the brewing process, with the rule of thumb being the smaller the grind, the faster the coffee extracts. The faster the coffee extracts, the stronger and more bitter the brew becomes. To achieve the richest and most balanced cup when brewing cowboy coffee, the coffee should be ground slightly coarser than what you’d use for a standard drip coffee maker or pour over. In other words, grind it exactly as you would when brewing a french press. ### The Dose The dose, or amount of coffee you use, determines the overall strength of the brewed coffee and should be adjusted based on the total volume of brewed coffee desired. When camping, it’s a good idea to keep a standard two-tablespoon coffee scoop handy. For normal strength cowboy coffee, shoot for using one and a half to two scoops per 12-ounce cup of coffee (standard coffee mug size). Play around with different doses of coffee until you find the strength that tastes the best to you and your fellow campers. ### The Water Brewed coffee is roughly 99 percent water, so the water you use naturally has a large influence on the taste of your finished product. For the best cowboy coffee, use clean, purified water either brought with you in bottles or purified from a nearby lake or river. Just as measuring your coffee dose is important, so is measuring the volume of the water you use. Don’t just eyeball it or you’ll get inconsistent results. An easy way to measure water in camp is to use your coffee mug. Simply fill up your mug before pouring it into the pot as many times as needed. Remember how many mugs worth of water you added in order to measure out your coffee dose accordingly. ### The Coffee Pot You’ve probably seen those big blue enameled coffee pots perched atop a campfire. They’re the traditional vessels in which cowboy coffee is brewed. And if you’re serious about brewing your cowboy coffee in style, it’s worth your while to pick one up — especially if you plan on brewing coffee for more than one person. However, if you don’t have a special cowboy coffee pot yet, just about any pot that can be used to boil water will work. That’s one of the wonderful things about cowboy coffee — you can adapt the procedure to use whatever tools you have available. Heck, you could even use a chili can if that’s all you have around. [See Amazon for ideas](https://amzn.to/3SZNapM) ### The Heat Source To go full-cowboy, you must brew your cowboy coffee over a well-made campfire. No exceptions. So gather up your tinder and kindling and get to work stoking up a nice little cooking fire. **More:** [How to build a campfire step by step](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) But, if you’re camping in an area that prohibits fires or maybe you aren’t awake enough to build a fire before your morning intake of coffee, use your camp stove. Feel free to make cowboy coffee at home on your kitchen range as well. The specific heat source you use doesn’t really matter as long as it can bring water to a boil. ### Stirring Spoon Other than the pot, the only other tool you need to make cowboy coffee is a spoon or something to stir the coffee slurry with. If you can’t find your spoon, use the nearest stick. ### Timer When it comes to cowboy coffee, timing is everything. Over steeping the coffee, even for 30 seconds, could mean the difference between a sweet, balanced cup of joy and undrinkable bitter sludge. So the last piece of kit you’ll need is a timer or stopwatch. If you have your iPhone with you, use the timer app. ## From Fire to Mug: Cowboy Coffee Step by Step Now that we’ve gone over the basic ingredients and tools involved, let’s walk through the process of making cowboy coffee step by step. But before any brewing happens, you’ll need to secure your heat source. Build up your fire or get your stove ready to light. ### Step 1: Measure and Grind Coffee First, determine the quantity of brewed coffee you’d like to make. For each 12-ounce mug of brewed coffee, you’ll need to grind about 1.5 to 2 tablespoons of coffee beans. If you’re using pre-ground coffee, just make sure your coffee grounds are on hand and ready to be added to the water. ### Step 2: Bring Water to Boil Add the appropriate amount of water to your pot. Set over the heat source and bring to a boil. ### Step 3: Add Coffee and Stir When your water reaches a boil, remove the pot from the heat source and place on a stable, heat-resistant surface such as the ground or a rock. Immediately add your ground coffee and lightly stir to ensure that all grounds are wet and submerged. This is where our method for cowboy coffee differs from others out there. Some say you should keep the water at a rolling boil after you add the coffee and keep it there for several minutes. Boiling coffee in this manner, however, severely over extracts the coffee resulting in very bitter, burnt flavors. That’s not what we’re going for here. Moving on… ### Step 4: Steep for 4 Minutes After you add the ground coffee to the hot water and stir, cover the pot and set your timer for four minutes. Let the coffee steep undisturbed. At the two minute mark, remove the pot lid and gently stir the coffee a second time. ### Step 5: Sprinkle Cold Water Over Grounds After all four minutes have passed, it’s time to finish off the brewing process. Ideally, most of the coffee grounds will have sunk to the bottom of the pot. But chances are, there will still be some stragglers floating on the surface. To sink the remaining grounds, simply take a small amount of cold water in your hand and sprinkle it over the coffee pot. If you’re using a classic enameled campfire coffee pot, you can pour a small amount of cold water into the spout. Sprinkling cold water slows down the extraction process so you don’t end up with overly bitter coffee and also helps draw the coffee grounds down to the bottom. ### Step 6: Carefully Pour Without delay, carefully pour your brewed coffee into serving cups. Pour slowly without disturbing or agitating the coffee to keep the grounds on the bottom of the pot where they belong. ### Step 7: Drink Up Congratulations! You just brewed coffee like a true cowboy! If all went well, you’ll have a full-bodied yet surprisingly grit-free mug of coffee in your hands. Keep in mind that brewing cowboy coffee isn’t an exact science and takes some trial and error to perfect. But now that you know the basics, you’ll be well on your way to brewing gourmet campfire coffee that will gain the respect of the most rough-and-tumble cowpokes and discerning coffee drinkers alike. Now, rinse out your coffee brewing pot with water and you’re ready to brew the next batch. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Camping, Coffee, Cowboy Coffee, Outdoors, Survival, Wilderness --- ### [How to Choose a Fishing Rod: 5 Tips for Beginners](https://guycounseling.com/choose-fishing-rod/) **Published:** July 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![fisherman trees fall](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/fisherman.jpg?resize=640%2C427&ssl=1) ## **How to choose a fishing rod tips** In the market for a new fishing rod? Trying to figure out the best type of rod to fit your needs? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Even experienced outdoorsman struggle with picking the right type fishing gear. To complicate matters, the type of rod you pick is uniquely linked to the fish you’ll be trying to catch. For example, if you are going after [bass](https://guycounseling.com/bass-fishing-tips/), you’ll need something long with a minimum of a single foot guide (double is better). If you happen to be saltwater fishing and going after larger game, you’ll need a heavier rod and one that’s hopefully made from carbon. Oh, and don’t forget the type of bait you’ll be using also needs to be factored in. Believe it or not, it’s important. Confused yet? Don’t be. My hope is writing this article is to help you make smart choices when shopping for gear and do it in a way that’s uncomplicated. Probably the most important question you’ll want to ask yourself before buying anything is: *What type of fish am I trying to catch?* Once you know the answer to that question, everything else follows. Make sense? Now that you have that bit of information tucked in your pocket, let’s move on to five essential considerations when choosing a fishing rod. ## **1. The Right Weight** Like so many things in the world of fishing gear, there is no one right choice when it comes to choosing a rod. It can be a bit overwhelming the first time you hit the local outdoor center, but do not let the sheer number of choices get you down. Once you know what to look for, it will be much easier to choose the perfect rod weight. If you are going mostly for small fish like crappies, an ultra-light rod can be a great choice. Personally, I like the St. Croix Premier for this type of fishing ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2okFr1s)). These small and lightweight rods are great for the first-time fisherman, and for youngsters who are just getting the hang of their new sport. Lightweight fishing rods are perfect for sunfish, bluegill and other popular pan fish, while medium and medium light are great for walleye, trout, catfish and bass. If you are seeking bigger prey, like musky, salmon and pike, a medium to heavy rod is the best choice. And if you are after the really big fish, like tuna, tarpon and sturgeon, a heavy-duty fishing rod is a must. Many experienced fishermen end up with an assortment of rods in various weights, and chances are you will too. Even so, it is best to start with a rod weight that matches the type of fish you are after right now. ## **2. Length and Action** You could think of length and action as two separate considerations, but in fact they are closely related. Shorter rods tend to be very light, and you will see the entire pole bend when a fish hits the end of the line. These smaller and more lightweight fishing rods are designed for smaller prey, and they will likely not stand up to heavier types of fish, or to fish that put up a fight. When choosing a rod, it is important to look at the line rating as well as the weight. Shorter rods tend to have lower line ratings, and that could limit the type of fish you can realistically pursue. The action of the rod refers to the amount of bend when pressure is applied at the other end. A multiple action rod is a great choice for the first-time fisherman, since these rods allow the action of the rod to change depending on the size of the fish at the end of the line. ## **3. Construction Type** The construction and design will play a major role in the durability and reliability of the fishing rod, and how easy it is to use. You may love the fishing rod in the store, but you need to think about how it will serve you out on the water. For instance, a fishing rod consisting of a single solid piece will have great feel, making it easier to play the fish and land your catch. On the other hand, that solid piece fishing rod will be harder to move around, and you may regret your decision while moving through a heavily wooded area. You may also have trouble fitting a long single piece fishing rod in the back of your car. Your solidly constructed seven-foot fishing rod will do you no good if you can’t fit it into your compact car. If space is limited, a travel ready or multi-piece fishing rod is probably the better choice. Telescopic rods are very popular with new fishermen, and for good reason. Telescoping rods are easy to fold and store away, but they instantly transform into full-size fishing rods once out on the water. ([See Amazon for ideas](https://amzn.to/4hi4n7I)). ## **4. Material** Your fishing rod is only as good as its construction, and the choice of materials is critical. Modern fishing rods are made from a number of different materials, and each has its own set of advantages and drawbacks. Bamboo rods are very popular with both new and experienced fishermen, and they come in a wide variety of weights and sizes. Bamboo rods can vary widely in terms of quality and construction, and it is important to shop around carefully. The best bamboo rods are extremely durable and very reliable, while substandard ones break easily and are not very reliable. Fiberglass fishing rods are quite popular and widely available, but they tend to be geared more toward the beginning and first-time fisherman. These rods are typically light or medium weight, and they may lack the strength to tackle and reel in larger species of fish. Experienced fishermen often prefer carbon fiber fishing rods, also known as graphite fiber. These popular fishing rods are built from a series of very thin fibers, each just 0.005 to 0.010 mm in diameter. When combined, these carbon fibers create a fishing rod that is extremely strong and durable, making it a great choice for heavier species of fish. Carbon fiber rods are popular with saltwater fishermen, but they can be used for many freshwater varieties as well. ## **5. Price** In a perfect world, price would not be a consideration, and fishing enthusiasts could simply choose the rod that gives them the best feel and the ability to reel in any type of fish. In the real world, price is a very big consideration, and it is important for buyers to choose their rods based on the best value. I’ve found that visiting Amazon’s bestselling fishing rods is helpful when exploring prices. It gives me a basis point for decision making – if that makes sense. Beginning fishermen may want to start with a lightweight and inexpensive fiberglass rod. These versatile fishing rods are the perfect way to get a feel for fishing, and they are excellent learning tools for the beginner. As their experience level increases, fishing enthusiasts can ramp up to a bigger, better and more expensive rod and pass their old ones on to their fishing friends. ## **Final Thoughts** Knowing what to look for in a fishing rod is very important, and it all starts with knowing what type of fish you want to catch.Once you know that, you can move about the business of making a selection. I encourage people to do a little research before heading to the water.  Check Internet boards on gaming and find out what folks are saying.![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0470930683) As an aside, if you are new to fishing or if you want to brush up on your sporting skills, I’m going to include a link to the book, *Fishing for Dummies*. Don’t let that title fool you. I’ve got a copy and can tell you that inside, it’s got tons of useful pointers. [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4feuLg6). I hope you found the material in this post useful. Thanks for stopping by and be sure to like Men’s Culture on Facebook! **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** beginner fishing tips, fishing equipment, fishing gear, fishing rods, how to choose a fishing rod, outdoor skills --- ### [Abraham Lincoln Accomplishments: 7 That Shaped America](https://guycounseling.com/abraham-lincoln-accomplishments/) **Published:** July 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![lincoln history](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/lincoln-history.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1) ## **Abraham Lincoln and his accomplishments** We remember [Abraham Lincoln](http://www.history.com/topics/us-presidents/abraham-lincoln), America’s sixteenth President, as one of the most important men in our nation’s history. He is credited with winning the Civil War for the North and for permanently ending slavery in the United States. By the end of Lincoln’s presidency, over 600,000 American soldiers had perished and 4 million former slaves were no longer legally considered property. Much of the former structure of the United States was disrupted or destroyed. Lincoln had the conviction to fight the war to total victory (despite its horrific costs) and to constitutionally end slavery, which had been fiercely defended for generations. Being from Illinois, I’ve always been fascinated by Lincoln. He was (and continues to be) a phenomenon that historians are still trying to understand. We know that he lived an incredible life, marked by profound highs and extreme lows. Some believed he may have been bipolar or suffered from [major depression](https://guycounseling.com/male-depression/); something that may have explained his blunt facial expressions in so many photographs and paintings. ![abraham lincoln accomplishments](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/al-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Abraham Lincoln: Born, February 12, 1809 – Died on April 15, 1865 The military school I attended, Glenwood Academy, was in part founded by President Lincoln’s son, [Robert Todd Lincoln](https://www.glenwoodacademy.org/about). It’s probably the reason why I’ve had a lifelong curiosity with our sixteenth president. If you were to come into my office, you’d see a poster President Lincoln. Clients often nod their head in his direction as they pass him by as a sign of respect. I’ve always gotten a kick out of that. Several years ago, I was privileged enough to visit the Lincoln Museum in Springfield, Illinois. In case you don’t know, Springfield is the state capital. It also happens to be the town where Lincoln lived while he was in the House of Representatives from 1844 – 1861. ![Abraham Lincoln Home in Springfield, Illinois](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/abraham-lincon-home-springfield-illinois.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Abraham Lincoln Home in Springfield, Illinois You can still visit Abraham Lincoln’s home in Springfield. It’s located at the corner of Eighth and Jackson Streets and is run by the National Parks Service. Many do not know this but this was the only house President Lincoln ever owed. But I digress. In pouring through the history books, biographies and other available information on Lincoln, I couldn’t help but notice many of his accomplishments. And while most of them are well known, there’s quite a few that are not. Beyond the Civil War and abolition, which have been fundamentally important to subsequent American history, Lincoln founded a number of enduring institutions that changed the nature of government and society. Here are seven lesser-known accomplishments of Abraham Lincoln that deeply impacted American society that might surprise you. ![Lincoln Mt. Rushmore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Lincoln-mt.-rushmore.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Lincoln’s face at Mt. Rushmore ### **1. Opening Settlement of the West through Homesteading** In 1861 the seceded states of the South, occupied with their new Confederate government, withdrew their representatives from Congress. With the absence of this bloc of votes, Lincoln and the Republicans passed long-stalled laws of considerable consequence. One such law was the Homestead Acts, which give a small plot of federal land in the west to settlers for free, provided they live and develop the land. All but Confederate soldiers were applicable. This free parcel of land was intended as a foothold on wealth for poor Americans. With the Homestead Acts, Lincoln initiated the transfer of 10% of American land (at the time) to private ownership. These acts and subsequent laws passed in its mold redistributed 420,000 square miles into 1.6 million homesteads. Homesteading in America was over by the 1970s, but it had a lasting impact as the initial wave of white settlement in the West. ### **2. Authorizing The First Railroad Connecting the Atlantic and Pacific Coasts** Another law passed in the absence of the Southern delegation were the Pacific Railroad Acts, authorizing a transcontinental railroad connecting California to the East. The railroads dramatically cut travel times, opening the West to the massive migration of millions in the late-nineteenth century. The government, with its limited money reserved for the war, could not afford to undertake this colossal infrastructure project. So Congress outsourced the work: the government granted land rights to private companies, which the companies then sold to third-party developers, which then funded the engineering and construction of the railroads. In this fashion, the railroad companies gained huge fortunes and political power, and the government turned tracts of empty land into a railroad across America. The first Railroad Act was passed in 1862, and the transcontinental railroad finished in 1869 (long after Lincoln’s death in 1865). Lincoln personally choose the railroad’s starting point in the east – Council Bluffs, Iowa, across the river from Omaha – as a political bone for the Iowa caucus’s presidential support. ### **3. Beginning the Land Grant Colleges** Land grant colleges, which include most American public universities, were created by the Morill Acts, and signed into law by Abraham Lincoln in 1862. The Act specified that public universities in the states could have an initial endowment of federal lands. This gave fledgling universities land to build their schools; it also gave them enough land to sell, to provide money to construct their buildings and libraries. The principle of the Morill Acts was similar to the Homestead and Railroad Acts: transfer public lands to private hands to stimulate development and increase wealth. It’s interesting that Lincoln privatized so much public property, while also nullifying so much of what had been private property (in abolishing slavery). ![The statue at Richmond National Battlefield ](https://i0.wp.com/www.nps.gov/linc/learn/historyculture/images/Richmond688.jpg?resize=688%2C387&ssl=1)The statue at Richmond National Battlefield reflection on Lincoln’s Legacy. Credit: National Parks Service ### **4. Coining the American Greenback dollar** “The almighty dollar,” that most American of institutions, was first printed under Abraham Lincoln in 1863. The U.S. Note currency, devised to finance the Civil War, is the immediate precursor to the present-day dollar. Astonishing though it may seem today, before Lincoln started printing the greenback dollar there was no federal currency in America. Numerous local currencies were issued by banks; in principle you could redeem your money for precious metals at the specific bank where it was issued. Andrew Jackson had set this stage when, in populist fury, he revoked the charter of the national bank 30 years earlier. The War made the dollar. Lincoln realized that borrowing from banks was inefficient and insufficient to fund the Union army. By printing its own bills, the government could have unlimited access to money at a favorable rate. With the invention of the dollar, Lincoln rang in the modern era of the government borrowing money from itself. There have been some changes to the dollar – like the establishment of the Federal Reserve Bank in 1913 and Richard Nixon’s removal of the dollar from the gold standard in 1971. But the federal American currency started by Lincoln remains one of the strongest global currencies, and is gladly accepted as valuable tender all over the world. ### **5. Collecting the First Income Tax and Founding the IRS** Pressed by war to raise funds, Lincoln explored his options under the Constitution and created America’s first ever income tax in 1861. To this point, America was financed through tariffs, bonds, and other taxes. This first ever income tax rate was a 3% flat tax on all income over $600. This was soon changed to a progressive scale where, based on income level, citizens paid either 5%, 3%, or no money at all. Lincoln’s income tax also started the policy of withholding taxes from worker’s pay. Taxes without collection and enforcement don’t produce revenue, so Lincoln also created the Office of the Commissioner of Internal Revenue, which became the storied IRS. The income tax has lived on as the principle means of funding the federal government. What’s interesting is that Mr. Lincoln died at 7:22 am on April 15. As you may know, April 15 happens to be the official deadline for filing federal taxes. ![Lincoln five dollar bill face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/lincoln-five-dollar-bill.jpg?resize=640%2C269&ssl=1)Lincoln started the U.S. Secret Service ### **6. Beginning the Secret Service** In one of his final acts as president, on the very day he was to be struck down by his assassin, Abraham Lincoln created another lasting government institution: the United States Secret Service. This may seem ironic timing, as Secret Service bodyguards might have prevented John Wilkes Booth’s assault. However, the Secret Service founded by Lincoln was not dedicated to presidential protection but to fighting currency counterfeiting. Counterfeit money was a prominent problem in 19 th  century finance; fake money weakened the integrity of the currency and caused inflation. The Secret Service were commissioned to find and arrest people who were illegally printing money. Though today primarily known as the agency assigned to protect the president, the Secret Service continues to serve its original function of foiling counterfeiters. ### **7. Instituting the first official Thanksgiving Day** Thanksgiving has long been celebrated in America – the Pilgrims held the first such feast long before the American Revolution. By Lincoln’s time, the holiday was over 200 years old. However, what had been an informal holiday was transformed by Abraham Lincoln into a standardized, officially recognized national holiday. November 1863 was the first official Thanksgiving Day; Lincoln proclaimed the last Thursday of the November should henceforth be the official date of the holiday. (Much later, FDR changed Thanksgiving Day to the second to last Thursday of the month, allowing more space before Christmas.) Thanksgiving, of course, remains one of America’s most beloved and deeply observed holidays. From public universities to dollar bills to the IRS, the acts of Abraham Lincoln’s presidency set the stage for modern America, and will continue to influence our history into the future. ![lincoln quote](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/lincoln-qoute3.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Lincoln Quote on Character ### **Summing Things Up  Abraham Lincoln had a profound impact on the arc of history. Today, many of his accomplishments are still being reviewed by scholars. Not too long ago, I read a fascinating [book](http://amzn.to/2oaAeuz) called: *Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln*. Page after page, I found myself captivated by Lincoln’s intellect. Moreover, I discovered that Mr. Lincoln didn’t exactly match much of what we hear in American lore. The man had his flaws. He also could be ruthless. I hope you found this profile of a great man in American history to be informative. Please share with others on Facebook! Thank you for stopping by Men’s Culture! — References: National Parks Service. Abraham Lincoln Memorial (2017). Lincoln Museum, Springfield, Illinois (2017) **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln accomplishments, American history, Civil War, presidential leadership, U.S. Presidents --- ### [7 Wilderness Survival Skills Every Man Should Know](https://guycounseling.com/wilderness-survival-skills/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![wilderness survival skills](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/wilderness-survival.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) ## **WILDERNESS SURVIVAL SKILLS** Even the most experienced outdoorsman can find themselves suddenly lost in the wilderness. There are several reasons for this, including unfamiliar terrain, bad weather or a lack of visual markers. Other factors include human psychology. Specifically, I’m talking about the construct of mental-mapping. This is a 25-cent term used to describe how the brain tracks its environment. When you are in terrain that is hilly, meandering or densely populated with trees, it doesn’t take much for your hippocampus to become overloaded with information. When this happens, a deep sense of confusion, blanketed with anxiety, can quickly take over. If you happen to be hiking alone, these feelings can become compounded. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/soulpancake-lost-woods-orinseyes-72pYduTHZFBiE) ## **Survival Skill 1: Remain Calm** You’re lost. It happens. Maybe on your way back to the trail from the water point you mixed up your turns. Maybe the trail is barely recognizable as it is. Maybe you just picked a hike that was way over your head because you wanted to push yourself. Now you’re here and you’re not sure where here is. If you are alone, or with someone else who is equally lost, this can cause a sudden flood of uncertainty and panic. Step 1 is to calm down, take a deep breath, and think through the moment logically. The absolute best way to do this is through the mindful technique of [situational awareness](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/). Once you are centered, it’s time to settle in and try to get noticed. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/cinemagraph-cinemagraphs-3oz8xWOuFEXync5X1u) ## **Survival Skill 2: Fix Yourself** The second step depends on your current condition. If you’re hurt, fix it and get yourself as mobile as possible. Every outdoor retailer in existence carries some kind of portable first aid kit. Always boost them up before you go with extra band aids, moleskin for blisters, and OTC medicines for pain, colds, and digestive troubles. If it’s hot, pack rehydration salts to avoid those pesky headaches and muscle cramps. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/survival-rPz7pDwVM5GJW) ## **Survival Skill 3: Get Covered** If you’re lost in a remote area, a shelter will separate you from the elements. If you carried a [tent](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/) with you, then consider yourself lucky. If not, your only limit is your determination and the tools at your disposal. Look at what is on your person. Did you layer yourself with extra clothing? Do you pack anything in your duffel bag that can be used for protection against the elements? When it comes to surviving, it’s all about creativity. Speaking of survival, you should always have a pocket knife with you when hiking. It’s a necessity for outdoor ventures that ranks right up there with wearing clothes. If you don’t own one already, there are tons on the market to choose from. A simple, effective and practical cutting tool is made by the folks at Elk Ridge. Not only does this knife fold and fit firmly into your pocket, it also has a high degree of utility. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2mueGGY) for pricing. Let’s get back to getting covered. The most common and easy shelter is the trusty lean-to. Here’s how to build it: - Tie a cross-beam between 2 trees making sure you have enough space for you and your gear once it’s complete. - Lay more branches at an angle against the cross beam and tie them into place if you have the spare cord. - Use smaller branches with greenery and leaves on top of those branches to keep out the wind and the rain. Load up. The more the merrier. - Incorporate a poncho if you think a storm is imminent to make sure you stay dry. Make sure to tie it off so it doesn’t blow away during the night. There are a hundred other more advanced shelters that vary depending on your environment and time of year, but let’s start simple. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/TnDoEoXfT7YoE/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **Survival Skill 4: Get Fed** Finding water and food (in that order) is a lengthy but essential process. There are countless articles and hundreds of survival books describing how to procure these for every environment on Earth. Hopefully, you have done some research on the area you are traveling and know at least one or two sources of food in the area. Water is the priority. Dehydration is faster and more debilitating than starving to death. Ideally, you can set up camp near a water source such as a creek bed, a small spring, or a pond. Running water is best, but beggars can’t be choosers. I also hope you brought a metal cup or a small camping pot because you’re going to need to boil that water for at least 2 minutes before drinking. Add a few minutes to that if the source is particularly unsavory. Iodine tablets are also great and lightweight, but the taste leaves much to be desired. Filter pumps are handy, but take up a lot of room. Filter straws are a nice compromise, but boiling is best. Food is energy, and you need the energy to get yourself out of this mess. One of the most common edible plants in the eastern and southern United States and even Southeast Asia is Miner’s Lettuce. It’s easily identifiable, grows in mass, and can’t be confused with another common plant and poison you like that guy in Into the Wild. Otherwise, there’s the [Universal Edibility Test](http://adventure.howstuffworks.com/universal-edibility-test1.htm). Worms and insects are a good source of protein. Grasshoppers and crickets are my personal favorite so long as you remove the heads and legs. Removing the legs is important because what allows the cricket to make its iconic chirp is a set of barbs which easily become caught in your throat for an unpleasant survival dining experience. It also helps to roast or boil them a bit before eating. Here’s an extra tip, don’t eat anything with more than six legs. Only in some places in a few circumstances can you eat arachnids. Centipedes/millipedes are also a huge no-no. Best not to take the risk. Now that you’re satiated, let’s get you warm and rescued. ![wilderness survival fire](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/wilderness-survival-fire.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Building a fire is critical to survival ## **Survival Skill 5: Build a Fire** Fire is the foundation of civilization. A good fire can be noticed for miles in the right conditions and there are hundreds of ways to build one. The trick is getting it to reflect the fact that you are in trouble. Before we address that, the fire needs to be built. Hopefully, if you’re camping or hiking you have brought a portable commercially available fire starter. My personal favorite is a combination of “spark wheel” style fire starters for the spark and cotton balls laced with petroleum jelly for the tinder. Both are lightweight, easy to carry, and you can get dozens of cotton balls into one small plastic bag. They catch fire and hold their flame for a substantial amount of time. If all you have is what nature provides, that can work too. With some practice, you can have a fire lit using two sticks as quickly as you can with a flint and steel. Here’s how: - First, get two sticks (one thinner than the other) made from softwoods like cottonwood or pine. - Strip off their bark with a knife or stone then allow them to dry out on a rock for the day. - Use your knife to carve out a small indent and channel in the larger stick to allow the tiny embers to easily fall into your tinder. - Place the end of the thinner stick into the indent and spin the stick back and forth with your palms like you’re trying to stay warm (Use speed rather than force to avoid blisters). Reposition your hands at the top of the thin stick as necessary. - As soon as a few tiny embers can emit smoke on their own, pour them carefully into your tinder and gently blow on them to get a small flame. - Place the burning tinder among your kindling of small dry sticks to get it going. You can also use a bent stick and a string called a bow to spin the thin stick to use less energy. After all, you’re only limited by the resources you carry and carrying a lighter is just easier. via GIPHY ## **Survival Skill 6: Get Noticed** This is the money-maker. It doesn’t matter how good your fire is or how many crickets you have caught if you don’t get rescued. To that end, you need to signal that you are *in distress*. The simplest and most effective forms of rescue signals don’t involve fire. Boring, I know. But thanks to cooperation between Park Ranger Departments, Search and Rescue, and Military Organizations there are at least six (6) universally understood rescue signals taught to all professional pilots: - **SOS** – While SOS is widely understood, sometimes nature doesn’t give you enough noticeable materials to construct it. - **V** – A capital V shape indicates that you “require assistance”. It’s easy to make and even easier to remember. - **X** – A large X indicates you require medical assistance. While this may not expedite your rescue, it will tell your new best friends that they will need to bring along extra medical equipment when they come and get you. - **Y & N** – If a helicopter manages to signal you or speak to you with a loudspeaker, chances are they will try to ask yes or no questions. In this instance, making your signal logs into a capital Y or N. This will work better than waving your arms frantically and hoping they will correctly interpret your answers. - **->** – If you must move camp, make sure to make a large arrow in your direction of travel. This will also help you if you accidentally find yourself going in circles. Place the logs in a noticeably unnatural fashion in an open area which will allow them to cast as drastic of a shadow as possible. Set up camp close to the signal if you can. I always carry a few tealights or small candles which you can light and place along the shape of the signal if you can hear helicopters in the night sky. I know some men who pack at least one or two [flares](http://amzn.to/2n9mDFq) with them as a “just in case”. ## Survival Skill 7: Stay Dry This is more of a quintessential rule you should stick to throughout this entire process. Wet clothes and boots decimate your chances of long-term survival. Wearing wet clothes in any kind of cold can lead to hypothermia or frostbite. In the heat, wet clothes cause painful chafing and rashes. Damp boots and socks can cause everything from blisters to trench foot. Your mobility is your greatest survival asset. It’s better to stop and lose an hour than continue walking with damp feet. Take your time, make a fire, and dry off. If you take care of your feet, they’ll get you out alive. ## **Summing Things Up** Getting lost in the woods can be scary. It’s easy for panic to set in. You can loosen fear’s grip by remembering the 7 tips I’ve offered here. I highly encourage anyone who will be spending time outdoors to stick a [pocket copy](http://amzn.to/2mE3zvg) of the *Outdoor Survival Guide* by Skyhorse Publishing. Seriously, it’s the type of book that could very well save your life. References: (2011) *Brain Finding May Explain Disoriented Pilots, Astronauts*. Welsh, J. Live Science. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Camping, Guy Skills, Hiking, Outdoors, Shelter, Survival, Tent, Wilderness --- ### [10 Essential Hiking Supplies Every Man Should Carry](https://guycounseling.com/essential-hiking-supplies/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hiking backpack supplies](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/hiking-backpack-supplies.jpg?resize=556%2C370&ssl=1) ## Hiking and Backpacking Essentials Hiking is a lot of fun, but the experience can go south fast unless you’ve packed the proper supplies. Take it from me — I’ve found myself deep in the Wisconsin woods only to discover I’d forgotten something important. You’ll want to minimize how much gear you’re carrying, since you’ve only got the one bag. That’s why having a high-quality backpack large enough to fit everything is essential.![](https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B002XF8106) TETON Sports Explorer 4000 Internal Frame Backpack on [Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002XF8106?tag=guycounseling-20) While there are plenty of hiking checklists floating around the web, I’m going to share the 10 things I’ve found are genuine “musts” when I prepare for a trip. Some of these might seem obvious. Others might surprise you. Are you ready to [get your alpha male on](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/)? Let’s jump right in! ![10 Backpack Supplies for Survival](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/10-facts-nutiriton-body-building.jpg?resize=484%2C363&ssl=1) Hiking supplies for your backpack ## 1. Travel Towel Travel towels are amazing and definitely first on the list. They come in small, compact sizes, are extremely lightweight, very absorbent, and quick to dry — a real upgrade over standard towels for anyone carrying their own gear. They’re usually a bit stiffer than a normal towel at first, so they take some getting used to. What’s great about them is how reusable they are — soak one in a nearby stream or river and it works like new. Microfiber travel towels are my pick for hiking trips. ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4fz2AKd)) ## 2. Solar-Powered Lantern Yes, you’ll need a regular flashlight in your backpack — that goes without saying. But if you’re hiking outdoors for an extended stretch, a lantern earns its keep. Battery-powered lights are a dime a dozen, but in my experience, they don’t last very long. That’s why I like a solar-powered inflatable lantern. It deflates flat, so it fits into your backpack with ease, and a full charge from a day in the sun can last well into the night. Waterproof too, which matters more than you’d think on the trail. ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/4wHMcwH)). ## 3. Windproof, Waterproof Matches When you’re out in the elements, you never know what weather you’ll run into. That’s why packing the right matches matters. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve packed regular matches, only to find out they’re useless the moment it rains. If you want to safeguard against fire-starting problems, grab a [stormproof match kit](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008CL24SA?tag=guycounseling-20). These matches are built with extra-large heads and are designed to light even in rough conditions — and they come in a compact, waterproof case that makes packing easy. ![camping fire](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/camping-fire.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Get waterproof and windproof matches ## 4. Food Bars Ideally, you’ll be living off the land, right? While that’s the goal, most guys will tell you it pays to have some kind of ready-to-eat meal in your bag, because things don’t always go as planned when you’re hiking. Nature has a funny way of doing that. That’s why I encourage you to grab a box of high-protein food bars — something that provides sustenance and energy. [Clif Bars](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00OY6UPGU?tag=guycounseling-20) are a solid go-to, available in a box of 12. Each bar carries a meaningful mix of protein, fiber, and carbs, along with a range of vitamins and minerals. Prices vary, but Clif Bars are generally easy on the pocketbook. ## 5. First Aid Kit Make sure you pack a small travel first aid kit. You never know when you’ll need it, and you’ll be glad you have it if you do. For most trips, simple first aid gear — bandages, plasters, antiseptic cream — covers it. For international travel, you’ll also want sterile needles, water treatment tablets, rehydration sachets, and diarrhea medication. A compact [first aid kit](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002K6649S?tag=guycounseling-20) built for outdoor use will fit most of what you need. ![hypnosis for pain chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Hypnosis-For-Pain.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) Be careful of mosquitoes when hiking ## 6. Mosquito Repellent At some point during your travels, you’re going to run into mosquitoes. These devilish insects can carry serious diseases like dengue fever and malaria, so it’s always worth protecting yourself. DEET has long been the most common active ingredient in repellents, but picaridin has become a popular alternative in recent years — it’s just as effective against mosquitoes and ticks, and it won’t damage synthetic gear the way DEET can. A [picaridin-based repellent](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002CMQJYU?tag=guycounseling-20) is a solid choice either way. ## 7. Mosquito Net Using repellent around the clock isn’t always pleasant. Depending on where you’re headed, a mosquito net is worth packing. If you’re traveling anywhere with bugs, it’s a must-have. When backpacking, you don’t always know exactly where you’ll end up sleeping — most hotels and hostels have screens or nets, but not always. So keep a [compact camping mosquito net](https://amzn.to/4f2bb8g) in your bag. You’ll be glad you packed it, especially in tropical destinations. When you set up your net, double-check that you haven’t sealed a mosquito in with you — trust me, it will make itself known all night. ![therapist for men chicago guy counseling](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/therapist-for-men-guy-counseling-life-coaching-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Hiking in the woods can be fun ## 8. Hand Sanitizer Packing hand sanitizer is also an absolute must. Cleaning your hands regularly — especially before eating or after using the bathroom — cuts down your odds of picking up a stomach bug on the trail. Travel-size hand sanitizer bottles are perfect for keeping in a pocket or side pouch when you’re exploring somewhere new ([Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08V9GXR53?tag=guycounseling-20)). ## 9. Money Belt Money belts are a smart, low-effort way to keep your valuables secure. They’re roomy enough for cash, cards, a passport, and other small essentials. Most money belts are discreet, worn around the waist and under your clothes, and many now include RFID-blocking material to keep your cards from being electronically skimmed. ## 10. Sleeping Bag You might be planning on hotels, guesthouses, or hostels during your trip, but a small, lightweight sleeping bag is still worth having. Not every cheap place to stay is as clean as you’d hope. You might check into a room after a long day of travel only to find a questionable bed or bedsheets. If you’re traveling on a budget, this is bound to happen eventually — and you’ll be glad you packed your own. There are entire sites dedicated to reviewing sleeping bags, so I’d encourage you to look around for what fits your needs. My go-to is a[ lightweight backpacking sleeping bag](https://amzn.to/3RCEHs6) that packs down small without adding much weight. Check Amazon for ideas. ## Final Thoughts These are ten things to pack for backpackers and hikers. Each item on this list earns its place for anyone spending extended time outdoors. This list is by no means exhaustive. If you’re new to hiking or don’t have much experience with this kind of trip, I’d recommend picking up a copy of *The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Backpacking and Hiking*.![](https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1592579604) Remember, preparation is key when you’re heading out on an excursion. Plan things out right, and you should have a good time regardless of what nature throws at you. If you’re looking for more things to toss into your bag, check out my page on [stocking stuffers for guys](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) — you’ll find a bunch of camping-related picks in there too. I hope you found the material shared here useful! ## FAQ ### What’s the most overlooked item on a hiking packing list? A mosquito net is one of the most commonly skipped items. Travelers often assume their lodging will have screens or netting, but that’s not guaranteed, especially in budget accommodations or remote areas. ### DEET or picaridin — which insect repellent is better for hiking? Both are effective against mosquitoes and ticks. Picaridin has become a popular alternative to DEET because it’s gentler on synthetic gear and fabrics while offering comparable protection. ### Do I really need a first aid kit for a day hike? Yes. Even short hikes can lead to minor injuries like blisters, cuts, or insect bites. A compact first aid kit weighs very little and takes up minimal space in a backpack. ### What should I look for in a backpacking sleeping bag? Weight, pack size, and temperature rating are the big three. A bag that compresses down small and is rated for the conditions you’ll actually be hiking in matters more than extra features. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Alpha Male, Bakcpack, Guy Skills, Hiking, Outdoors, Survival, Travel --- ### [7 Plyometric Exercises to Build Strength and Power](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) **Published:** July 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![plyometric-exercises-strength-and-power](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/plyometric-exercises-strength-and-power.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1 "Plyometrics: Man Doing Plyometric Pushup") Plyometrics: Man Doing Plyometric Pushup ## Plyometrics: The Science Behind the Exercises [Plyometrics](http://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Abstract/2000/08000/Effects_of_a_Plyometrics_Intervention_Program_on.9.aspx) can be a powerful way to enhance your current workout program and unlock gains you didn’t think were possible. Maybe you’ve heard the term but aren’t sure what it actually means — if so, you’re in the right place. This article covers a working definition of plyometrics, how they can benefit your training, and practical exercises you can add to your strength and conditioning program. I’ve also included information on minimizing injury risk, since that’s a real concern when someone tries to do too much, too soon — plus the research behind why “plyos” work. ![plyometric pushup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Plyometric.jpg?resize=620%2C381&ssl=1) Plyometric Pushup ![plyometric jump squat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/squat_jump_plyometrics.jpg?resize=611%2C344&ssl=1) Plyometric Jump Squat ## Plyometrics: A Primer Plyometrics are explosive movements designed to increase strength, power, and speed. These high-intensity exercises trigger a stretch reflex and elastic recoil in the muscle, producing a forceful contraction that overloads both Type I and Type II muscle fibers — which is what stimulates gains in strength and power. **Related:** [Muscular strength vs. power](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/) ## Who Invented Plyometrics Plyometric-type movements have technically been around for centuries, but the term itself was coined by U.S. Olympic long-distance runner Fred Wilt, who’s on record saying it’s not the best name for these movements. According to the literature, Wilt landed on the name after watching Russian athletes warm up before competition in the 1980s. He noticed the Americans were relying on [static stretching](https://guycounseling.com/warm-ups-10-reasons-they-should-be-part-of-your-workout/), while the Russians were using explosive “jump type” movements — and he hypothesized that difference was partly why the Russians were outperforming everyone else. Others contributed heavily to the field too, including [Yuri Verkhoshansky](http://www.verkhoshansky.com/), widely regarded as the “Father of Plyometrics,” and Michael Yessis, a sports performance trainer and biomechanist. ![plyometrics and body building](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/upper-body-exercises-chest.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1) Plyometrics and Body Building ## Plyometrics and Body Building People into bodybuilding often want to add plyometrics to their routine because explosive movements have a reputation for accelerating gains — and the research backs that up. One [study](http://www.jshoulderelbow.org/article/S1058-2746(02)00093-9/abstract) from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center recorded significant increases in both strength and power among athletes training for upper body size. The benefits aren’t limited to chest and shoulders, either. Plyometrics used as part of a broader bodybuilding approach have shown measurable gains in the lower body — particularly the thighs, hamstrings, and calves. ## How Plyometrics Work Plyometrics operate on a core principle of sports physiology: a motor unit is trained in proportion to how much it’s recruited. In plain terms, you only improve your capacity for powerful movement by training the specific motor units involved in that movement — which means overloading your muscles at high speed if power is the goal. **Related:** [What is progressive overload](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/) Most weight training uses several muscles at once, even for “isolation” moves. An arm curl with a 30-lb dumbbell is technically targeting the biceps, but you’re also pulling in the brachialis, trapezius, and deltoids to a lesser degree. That’s the gap plyometrics fills. Traditional compound lifting builds targeted muscle size effectively, but it doesn’t train muscles to fire together explosively as a unit. You can build enormous biceps and still lack real upper body power — because power requires strength and speed working in tandem, not just size. ![plyometrics and injury risk](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/excuses-for-not-working-out.jpg?resize=600%2C381&ssl=1) Plyometrics and Injuries ## Plyometric Exercises and Injury Risk As with any training designed to build muscle and power, plyometrics carry real injury risk if you rush them. Start gradually and progress slowly. If you feel pain — or it persists after a session — scale back the sets and reps rather than pushing through. **Before you start:** - Get medical clearance from your doctor before beginning any new plyometric or speed training program. - Keep your spine under control throughout every movement — direct force through the length of the spine, not across it. - Plyometric exercises range widely in intensity, from simple jumps in place to advanced multi-directional movements. Match the exercise to your current fitness level. ## What to Wear Stick to what you’d normally wear to train — light, breathable shirts, shorts, and sweats that don’t restrict movement. Your footwear matters more than you’d think: plyometric exercises release a large amount of kinetic energy through your legs and feet on landing, and a worn-out or unsupportive pair of sneakers won’t absorb that load well. Look for a well-cushioned cross-trainer built for lateral movement and impact absorption, and replace your shoes once the cushioning starts to break down. ![Guy Counseling icon](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/guy-counseling-facebook-orange.jpg?resize=193%2C193&ssl=1) ## Keep In Mind Before jumping into the exercises below, keep these principles in mind: - Plyometrics stress quality over quantity — every rep should be sharp, not sloppy. - Perform movements as quickly as possible: land and jump again immediately. - Build a baseline of strength and general fitness before attempting plyometrics. - Always maintain control of your spine throughout. - Master two-leg exercises from the ground before progressing to advanced single-leg or box jump variations. - Cap plyometric training at 2–3 days per week. - Modify or stop the program immediately if you get injured. The exercises below are just a starting sample — there’s no way to cover every plyometric variation in one post. A few additional resources are linked at the end if you want to go deeper. ## 1. Tuck Squat Jumps Tuck jumps build explosive strength and power in the legs — excellent for developing raw jump height. How to do tuck squat jumps: - Stand with feet shoulder-width apart; bend your knees slightly. - Jump up explosively, driving your arms upward and tucking your knees toward your chest at the top of the jump. - As you land, extend your legs, retract your arms, and immediately prepare for the next jump. - Do 5–10 reps, minimizing rest time between jumps. ## 2. One Leg Squat Jumps If you want to build leg power to support your other [lower body exercises](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/), single-leg squat jumps are one of the more demanding but effective options. How to do one leg squat jumps: - Stand on one leg with a slight bend in the knee. - Jump up, driving your arms upward. - As you land, retract your arms and immediately jump again. - Do 5–10 reps per leg, minimizing rest time between jumps. ## 3. Lunge Jumps Lunge jumps build both muscle size and explosive power in the legs. Fair warning — they’re harder than they look. How to do lunge jumps: - From standing, jump up and land in a split position with your right leg bent and your left leg extended behind you. - Immediately jump again, switching leg positions in the air. - Keep your torso upright and jump as high as possible on each rep. ## 4. Calf Jumps If you’re chasing bigger, more defined calves, calf jumps are one of the more efficient ways to get there through explosive training. How to do calf jumps: - Stand with feet shoulder-width apart, hands on hips. - Bend your knees slightly. - Using mainly your calf and ankle muscles, jump rapidly in place for 10 reps, minimizing ground contact time between jumps. ## 5. Rope Skipping Jump rope is one of the best all-around plyometric exercises you can do — it builds core stability while training explosive power through cardio endurance. Leather ropes with wooden handles and ball-bearing swivels tend to hold up best and offer the most control. Most sporting goods stores carry a solid option, or you can find one online. How to do rope skipping: - Hold a handle in each hand with the rope behind you. - Swing the rope over your head and jump over it as it reaches your feet. - Keep swinging and jumping continuously. - Increase your speed as your coordination improves. - Start with 10 rounds of 15 seconds each, and progress toward 5–20 rounds of 1–3 minutes each. ## 6. Box Jumps Box jumps involve jumping onto a box, bench, or step, and they’re excellent for building lower body power and strength. Use caution here — jumping from too high a box, or landing carelessly, is a common way to get hurt. If you have any back issues, be especially mindful of your spine. See this post on [effective back exercises](https://guycounseling.com/back-workouts-5-great-upper-lower-back-workouts-men/) for more on that. How to do box jumps: - Stand facing the box with feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, spine erect. - Jump up onto the box, landing softly with bent knees. - Step — don’t jump — back down, and reset before your next rep. ## 7. Plyometric Pushups If pushups are already a staple in your routine, plyometric pushups are one of the best upgrades you can make — they build upper body strength and explosive power at the same time. Start with the basic version before adding a clap. How to do a plyometric pushup: - From a standard or modified pushup position, lower under control, then push up forcefully enough that your hands leave the ground. - Land softly back in pushup position and repeat immediately. - Add a clap between reps once your form and power are consistent. ![warmups before exercise](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/warmup-before-exercise.jpg?resize=618%2C342&ssl=1) Plyometric Considerations ## Plyometrics: Other Thoughts Any exercise built around speed and power comes with high intrinsic intensity — that’s the point. Build into plyometric training gradually, letting your endurance and technique catch up before you push volume or difficulty. Depending on your fitness level, you may be able to work plyometrics into your routine several days a week without feeling wrecked. But if you’re new to this style of training, expect it to feel genuinely stressful at first — that’s normal. Like most things worth doing, there’s a real learning curve, and with plyos, that curve is both physical and mental. ## Plyometric Exercise Resources If you want to go deeper on plyometric training, Dr. Donald Chu’s *Jumping Into Plyometrics* is a well-regarded resource with roughly 100 exercises built specifically for strength and power development — worth a look for structuring an off-season training block. ![plyometric training myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1) ## Plyometric Myths The world of bodybuilding and sports training is full of myths, and plyometrics has its fair share. A few of the more common ones worth debunking: - Plyometrics are for men only - Plyometrics drain your energy long-term - Plyometrics can’t be integrated into a bodybuilding program - Only football players use plyometrics - Plyometrics are only for high schoolers and young athletes - Plyometrics aren’t safe for people over 40 None of these hold up under real scrutiny. Properly scaled and progressed, plyometric training has a place in almost any fitness program, regardless of age, gender, or sport. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling — if this was useful, give us a like on Facebook. **Related:** - [Common excuses for not working out](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/) - [3 powerful upper body workouts](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workout-3-simple-exercises-to-build-hard-muscle/) ## FAQ ### What are plyometric exercises? Plyometric exercises are explosive movements — like jumps, bounds, and clap pushups — designed to build strength, power, and speed by training the stretch-shortening cycle of the muscle. ### How often should I do plyometric training? Most guidance caps plyometric training at 2–3 days per week, since the high neuromuscular demand requires more recovery time than standard strength training. ### Are plyometrics safe for beginners? Beginners should build a baseline of strength and general fitness first, then start with basic two-leg exercises before progressing to single-leg or box jump variations. ### Can plyometrics help with bodybuilding, not just athletic performance? Yes. Research has shown measurable strength and power gains in both upper and lower body from incorporating plyometrics into a bodybuilding-style program, in addition to standard compound lifting. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** body building, Calf, Calves, Legs, Plyometric Exercises, Plyometrics, Power, Strength, Strength Training --- ### [7 Benefits of Keeping a Workout Journal](https://guycounseling.com/workout-journal-benefits/) **Published:** June 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![workout journal](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/workout-journal.jpg?resize=660%2C400&ssl=1) Have you been struggling to make [gains at the gym](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144507000459)? Do you feel like a hamster on a wheel, going through the motions of exercise without seeing any real results? You’re not alone. Most people who commit to a regular workout routine eventually stall out — not because they’re not working hard, but because they have no record of what’s actually working and what isn’t. ### Why a Workout Journal Matters I’ve been hitting the weights for a long time, and I know exactly what it feels like to plateau. Credit is due for just showing up in the first place — but the real reason you’re putting in the effort is to hit milestones. Concrete things you can see when you look in the mirror: weight loss, muscle gain, strength you didn’t have three months ago. If you’re stuck right now with your fitness goals, here are 7 solid reasons to start using a workout journal — plus specific ways to put each one into practice. ![number 7](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/magic7.png?ssl=1) ### 1) It’s a Built-In Accountability Buddy A workout journal functions like a training partner who never cancels on you. When you write down the exercises you did at the gym, you reinforce the behavior you’re trying to build. Over time, that reinforcement becomes consistency — which is the single biggest predictor of whether someone sticks with a fitness program long-term, especially in the first few months. **Make it stick:** Log your workout the same day, not “later.” A same-day entry takes 60 seconds. A next-day memory is already half wrong. ### 2) It Reinforces Task Completion Consistently using a workout journal taps into a simple psychological principle: finishing and recording a task creates a genuine sense of accomplishment. That small hit of satisfaction reinforces the habit itself, and it’s a form of positive self-care that compounds — every entry is proof you’re someone who follows through, which feeds directly into [building self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). Try closing out each entry with one line on how the session felt, not just what you did. That single sentence is often more motivating to reread later than the numbers themselves. ### 3) It Helps You Identify Challenge Areas One of the most practical benefits of a workout journal is being able to look back and spot patterns. A simple approach: rate each workout on a 1–10 intensity or effort scale. If you notice you’re consistently scoring 6 or below, the journal becomes a diagnostic tool. Is it nutrition? Hydration? Sleep? Are you training the same muscle group too often without recovery? Without a written record, these patterns are nearly invisible — you’ll just feel generally “off” without knowing why. **Make it stick:** Add a one-word note next to low scores — “tired,” “sore,” “rushed,” “hungry.” After a month, the pattern usually jumps off the page. ### 4) It Lets You Track Real Progress Writing down the exercises you’re doing and the weight you’re lifting is one of the most useful things you can do for future planning. This is the foundation of [progressive overload](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/) — the principle that you need to gradually increase demand on your muscles (more weight, more reps, or more volume) in order to keep making gains. If you’re trying to build real strength, don’t rely on memory. Workouts blur together fast, and “I think I did 135 for bench last time” is exactly how progress stalls without anyone noticing. ### 5) It Helps You Create Change When You Plateau If you’ve been training for any length of time, you already know the importance of switching things up to keep challenging your muscles and sparking new growth. A journal builds awareness around what you’ve actually been doing — not what you think you’ve been doing. For example, if your log shows you’ve done flat bench press as the centerpiece of your [upper body workout](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workouts-focus-chest/) for six straight weeks, that’s your cue to swap in incline presses or pec flys to hit the muscle from a new angle. **Make it stick:** Every 4–6 weeks, scan your last month of entries and circle any exercise that hasn’t changed in weight or reps. That’s your plateau list — start there. ### 6) It Helps You Schedule Time Off One of the most common reasons people don’t see the gains they want is simple: they never give their body time to actually heal. As a general rule of thumb, aim for one deload or rest week for every eight weeks of consistent weight training. A journal keeps a running record of how long you’ve been pushing without a break, so you can spot burnout risk before it turns into an injury or a multi-week motivation crash. ### 7) It Keeps You Moving Toward Your Goals Real, lasting results come from consistent effort applied over time — not one great workout. When you write down what you’ve done, you create a small psychological commitment to the goal you’re working toward. Reviewing that history also naturally surfaces new goals worth setting once you’ve hit the old ones. ## Paper, App, or Both? The original case for a workout journal was built around pen and paper, and that still works — there’s something about physically writing an entry that makes it stick better than tapping it into a phone. But plenty of guys now split the difference: a fitness app (Strong, Hevy, or similar) for quick in-gym logging of sets and reps, paired with a paper journal or notes app for the qualitative stuff — how you felt, sleep, stress, recovery. Neither format matters as much as consistency. Pick whichever one you’ll actually use every session, not the one that looks the most impressive. ## Final Thoughts You don’t need anything fancy to keep a workout journal. A lined notebook with a pen jammed into the spiral works fine. If you want something a bit more structured, the BodyMinder Workout & Exercise Journal is a solid option — it’s a dedicated fitness diary with a built-in nutrition tracking section.![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0963796844) The BodyMinder Workout & Exercise Journal on [Amazon](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0963796844/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0963796844&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=XR43XERKBRDV3QUB) If you’re serious about reaching your fitness goals, start using a workout journal — paper, app, or both. It’s one of the simplest, lowest-effort things you can do to see real results. And there’s a genuine payoff to just being able to look back and see how far you’ve come. ## FAQ ### Do I really need a workout journal, or can I just remember my workouts? Most people overestimate how well they remember past workouts. Without a written record, it’s easy to unintentionally repeat the same weights and reps for weeks without realizing you’ve stalled — a journal makes that visible immediately. ### What should I actually write in a workout journal? At minimum: the exercise, weight, sets, and reps. Beyond that, an effort rating (1–10) and a short note on how you felt gives you the context needed to spot patterns in sleep, nutrition, or recovery over time. ### Is a fitness app better than a paper workout journal? Neither is objectively better — apps are faster for logging sets and reps mid-workout, while paper tends to be better for reflection and qualitative notes. The format that matters most is whichever one you’ll actually use consistently. ### How often should I review my workout journal? Aim for a quick scan every 4–6 weeks. That’s usually enough time to spot exercises that haven’t progressed, patterns in low-energy sessions, and signs that a deload week is due. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** workout journal --- ### [Cam Gigandet’s Ab Workout in Never Back Down](https://guycounseling.com/cam-gigandet-ab-workout/) **Published:** July 14, 2026 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![Cam Gigandet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/cam-gigendet-tie.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1) Cam Gigandet built one of the most talked-about six-packs in action-movie history, and it’s the kind of physique that still gets searched years after *Never Back Down* hit theaters. Tacoma, Washington-born and trained in martial arts long before Hollywood found him, Gigandet spent most of that film shirtless — which means the camera caught every rep of the work that went into that midsection. You won’t find a leaked copy of his actual training log anywhere online — no actor’s private program gets published like that. What follows is a realistic breakdown of the training principles that produce a physique like his, built from what’s publicly known about his role, his body type, and the standard approach actors use to get camera-ready abs on a deadline. **Cam Gigandet — Quick Stats** - **Born:** August 16, 1982 - **Body Type:** [Mesomorph](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) - **Height:** 6’0″ - **Sign:** [Leo](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/) - **Weight (film era):** 160–165 lbs ## The Never Back Down Physique *[Never Back Down](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1023111/)* came out in 2008, starring Sean Faris, Amber Heard, and Gigandet as Ryan McCarthy, a rebellious teen who gets pulled into an underground fight club and mentored by a veteran MMA fighter. Between the fight choreography and the shirtless training montages, the movie doubles as a fairly good visual reference for what a lean, defined midsection looks like on a natural mesomorph frame. That timing matters. Gigandet was about 26 when the film was shot — right in the window researchers point to as peak natural strength for men, which generally holds from the mid-20s into the early-to-mid 40s before a gradual decline. He also wasn’t starting from zero: a background in martial arts and outdoor activity gave him a head start most people training for a role don’t have. ### Why His Body Type Made It Easier Gigandet’s **mesomorph** build — naturally athletic, moderate muscle mass, quick to respond to training — meant he didn’t need years of dedicated bodybuilding to reveal a six-pack. Everyone has abdominal muscle underneath; the visibility comes down almost entirely to body fat percentage. To get the kind of definition he shows in the film, most men need to get down to roughly 10% body fat or lower. If you don’t know where you currently stand, a quick [BMI calculation](http://www.webmd.com/diet/calc-bmi-plus) is a reasonable starting point, though body fat percentage (via calipers, a smart scale, or a DEXA scan) is a far more accurate way to track actual progress toward visible abs. ## How to Train Toward a Physique Like His Realistically, this comes down to three things working together — you can’t out-exercise a bad diet, and you can’t diet your way to visible abs without some strength training underneath the fat loss. 1. Diet 2. Cardio 3. Targeted ab and core training ### Diet The foundation is straightforward: a moderate calorie deficit, higher protein, controlled carbs. For a frame in Gigandet’s size range, a daily intake somewhere around 2,200–2,600 calories — adjusted for activity level and individual metabolism — is a reasonable target for cutting while preserving muscle. The goal isn’t to look “bulky,” it’s to look “cut”: lean muscle with minimal fat covering it. **Practical food choices that support this:** - Water-packed tuna — roughly 179 calories / 39g protein per serving - Skinless chicken breast — roughly 142 calories / 26g protein per serving - Skinless turkey breast — roughly 153 calories / 34g protein per serving If you want to go deeper on structuring a cutting diet around a strength-training plan, *Total Abs: Build a Rock-Hard Midsection in Four Weeks* (Muscle & Fitness) and *Flawless* by veteran bodybuilder Bob Paris are both solid, no-nonsense references worth a library or bookstore search. ### Cardio Because a mesomorph frame runs leaner by default, Gigandet likely didn’t need marathon cardio sessions to strip fat — just consistent, moderately intense work layered on top of the diet. A reasonable weekly template: - 30 minutes of high-intensity cardio, 3x per week (stair climber, incline treadmill, or similar) - 20 minutes of stationary bike intervals, 3x per week - 15 minutes of jump rope for conditioning and calorie burn Worth remembering: actors training for a role like this are often putting in 2–3 hours a day, with training *as their job* for weeks at a time. That’s not a realistic bar for anyone with a 9-to-5 — treat it as context, not a target. ### Ab and Core Training Crunches were the standard of the era this film was made in, and high crunch volume almost certainly played a role in Gigandet’s routine. But training science has moved on since 2008 — modern core work leans more heavily on anti-rotation and stability exercises, which tend to build a more functional, evenly-defined core with less strain on the spine. A blended approach covers both bases: - **Crunches** — still effective for the rectus abdominis in moderate volume (think 3 sets of 15–25, not 600 a day). Set a phone reminder if you’re trying to build consistency throughout the day. - **Planks and side planks** — build the deep stabilizing muscles that make a six-pack look “tight” rather than just visible, while being easier on the lower back than high-rep crunching. - **Roman chair exercises** — using a Roman chair with added resistance targets the rectus abdominis and obliques directly. - **Side bridges** — work the quadratus lumborum and obliques, and double as a lower-impact alternative to twisting movements. Rounding this out with reverse crunches, cable twists, and stability ball crunches gives you enough variation to keep progressing without your core adapting to the same movement pattern week after week. ## Final Thoughts Getting a six-pack like Gigandet’s in *Never Back Down* isn’t about finding a secret routine — it’s the same combination that’s worked for decades: a calorie deficit dialed in through diet, consistent cardio, and targeted core training, applied patiently over weeks and months. Gigandet’s martial arts background likely meant [plyometric training](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) wasn’t a major focus for this particular role — his conditioning base was already built in from years of training before the cameras rolled. If this gave you a useful starting point for your own routine, share it with someone who could use it. ## FAQ ### What body type does Cam Gigandet have? Gigandet has a mesomorph build — naturally athletic with moderate muscle mass that responds quickly to strength training, which made it easier for him to reach a lean, defined physique for *Never Back Down*. ### What body fat percentage do you need for visible abs like his? Most men need to get to roughly 10% body fat or lower before ab definition becomes clearly visible, regardless of how much core training they do. ### How many calories should I eat to cut fat like an actor training for a role? A moderate deficit in the range of 2,200–2,600 calories per day, with higher protein and controlled carbs, is a reasonable starting point for most men — though the right number depends on your size, activity level, and metabolism. ### Do I need to do hundreds of crunches a day to get a six-pack? No. High-volume crunching was common in older training programs, but modern core training favors moderate-volume crunches combined with planks and anti-rotation work for a more functional, evenly-developed core. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** abs, cam gigandet, Exercise, six pack, workout --- ### [10 Things Men Do That Kill Their Self-Esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Man running and building self-esteem](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/male-topics-8.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Self-Esteem and Men](#Self-Esteem_and_Men) - [What Is Self-Esteem?](#What_Is_Self-Esteem) - [Men’s Self-Esteem Destroyers](#Mens_Self-Esteem_Destroyers) - [1. Buying Into Toxic Masculinity](#1_Buying_Into_Toxic_Masculinity) - [2. Relying on Alcohol as a Social Lubricant](#2_Relying_on_Alcohol_as_a_Social_Lubricant) - [3. Clamming Up](#3_Clamming_Up) - [4. Playing Negative Mental Tapes](#4_Playing_Negative_Mental_Tapes) - [5. Ignoring Body Image Issues](#5_Ignoring_Body_Image_Issues) - [6. Denying Mental Health Concerns](#6_Denying_Mental_Health_Concerns) - [7. Giving In to Learned Helplessness](#7_Giving_In_to_Learned_Helplessness) - [8. Isolating Yourself](#8_Isolating_Yourself) - [9. Relying Too Heavily on Marijuana](#9_Relying_Too_Heavily_on_Marijuana) - [10. Blaming Others](#10_Blaming_Others) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) ## Self-Esteem and Men One of the most common reasons men seek therapy is to get help with [self-esteem](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1975-27536-001). As a counselor, I can tell you that this issue comes up frequently in sessions. You may be wondering why. The answer is fairly simple. Many guys would rather talk about almost anything other than how they feel. It is not necessarily because they do not want to. Our culture has long taught men that “real men” should not talk about self-worth, sadness, fear, or insecurity. Chalk it up to toxic masculinity or outdated ideas about what it means to be manly. The result is often the same: men stay quiet about how they see themselves and what they are carrying inside. That is a shame. Research suggests that a significant number of men in the United States struggle with depression, and the true number may be even higher because many never seek help. Before getting ahead of ourselves, it may be helpful to start with a basic definition of self-esteem through the lens of men. ## What Is Self-Esteem? At its core, self-esteem is a person’s emotional evaluation of his own worth. It reflects how a man views his abilities, value, identity, and place in the world. Self-esteem can be influenced by many factors, including past experiences, relationships, family messages, culture, personal expectations, and comparisons with others. ## Men’s Self-Esteem Destroyers Many pages on the internet talk about how men can [increase self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). That is helpful. Goodness knows we need more of those resources. But here is the thing. Far fewer articles speak directly to the behaviors men engage in that quietly damage self-worth. In fact, that is what inspired me to write this piece. What follows are **10 things guys do that chip away at self-esteem**. Some may seem obvious. Others may cause you to pause and think. I encourage you to consider each one in the context of your own life. Let’s jump right in. ![Number 10 representing ten self-esteem habits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=423%2C317&ssl=1)Do you do these things? ## 1. Buying Into Toxic Masculinity Right out of the gate, I am mentioning this one because it is a major destroyer of self-esteem. Whenever you program your mind to believe that men “must” behave a certain way, you place a chokehold on your own self-worth. Examples include: - Believing guys should not talk about how they feel. - Thinking you are not a man because you experience periods of self-doubt. - Assuming real men do not experience sadness, shame, anxiety, or depression. ## 2. Relying on Alcohol as a Social Lubricant I am not knocking alcohol. Having a few drinks occasionally can be enjoyable. The problem begins when **men rely on alcohol to socialize with others**. The difficult part is that repeated reliance can gradually turn into misuse or addiction. When that happens, a new set of problems can arise. Examples include: - Depending on alcohol to interact with friends. - Needing several drinks before going on a date. - Regularly drinking before sex or physical intimacy. ## 3. Clamming Up I mentioned this earlier, but it is worth reinforcing. Guys are often taught to clamp down when it comes to their emotions. While there are generational differences, men as a group still struggle in this area. Things can become worse when we surround ourselves with people who do the same. Here, I am talking about friendships in which nobody feels comfortable discussing anything real. Examples include: - Experiencing a major loss and pretending it does not affect you. - Minimizing past injuries, including physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. - Always using humor as a shield against what is happening deep inside. ## 4. Playing Negative Mental Tapes One of the first things I encourage men to do when examining self-worth is to assess their mental tapes. You may be wondering what that means. Simply put, a mental tape is an internal message you play repeatedly in your mind. Sometimes the tape is healthy. Other times it is toxic. When the tape is ugly, those thoughts can act like battery acid, gradually eroding your self-concept. Over time, this can contribute to depression, anxiety, shame, and loneliness. Examples include: - “I have always been terrible at interviews. Why would this time be any different?” - “Who would want to be with me? I have nothing to offer.” - “I hate myself because…” ## 5. Ignoring Body Image Issues One of the best-kept secrets among men is how many struggle with [body image issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/). Women are generally given more cultural permission to discuss these concerns openly. Men, however, are often taught to stay silent. Many guys believe that talking about dissatisfaction with their appearance somehow makes them less masculine. That belief is nonsense, but it remains common. Examples include: - Avoiding the gym because you think you are “too fat” to be around people who look more athletic. - Believing that being a man requires a six-pack and oversized arms. - Unfairly comparing your physique with men who have completely [different body types](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/). ![Man experiencing anxiety and low self-esteem](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/anxiety-men.jpeg?resize=608%2C342&ssl=1)Men and self-esteem issues ## 6. Denying Mental Health Concerns Mental health stigma has existed for generations. For some reason, it remains especially powerful among men. Some of this likely connects back to toxic masculinity. How many guys have heard the message that “real men do not get depressed”? The truth is that many **men struggle with mental health concerns**. When those concerns go unaddressed, they can take a serious toll on self-esteem. Examples include: - Refusing to seek help for depression because “guys do not do that.” - Pretending your anxiety is not real and believing you should be able to handle it alone. - Treating mental health concerns as evidence of weakness or personal failure. ## 7. Giving In to Learned Helplessness This one may take a moment to absorb, but it will likely make sense after some reflection. Learned helplessness is a term used to describe a pattern in which a person begins to believe that nothing he does will improve his situation. The past then becomes a kind of prison. When you buy into learned helplessness, you fall into the trap of inaction and remain stuck. Examples include: - Refusing to exercise because a previous effort did not produce quick results, even though you only gave it a limited try. - Avoiding new skills because you failed at something similar in the past. - Never trying anything new because you have already decided you will fail based on something that happened before. ## 8. Isolating Yourself A major way men worsen feelings of low self-worth is through isolation. Here, I am talking about avoiding others because you do not want people to see how badly you feel. Isolation has a way of perpetuating itself. Over time, it can cause a man to withdraw from important relationships and become increasingly disconnected. Ongoing isolation can also lead to or worsen depression. When you combine it with the negative mental tapes discussed earlier, it becomes easy to see how self-esteem can spiral downward. ## 9. Relying Too Heavily on Marijuana Let me come right out and say that I do not have an issue with marijuana use in general. If I had a magic wand, I would legalize it everywhere because too many men have faced serious consequences for past recreational use. That said, there is a difference between use and abuse. Abuse happens when you rely on marijuana to get through the day. Dependence may be present when you feel unable to function without it. Heavy or frequent marijuana use can increase anxiety, paranoia, low motivation, or emotional avoidance in some people. If you are using marijuana primarily to socialize, numb yourself, or escape serious emotional pain, it may be damaging your self-esteem rather than helping you cope. ## 10. Blaming Others If you struggle with self-worth, it can be easy to blame other people for the painful things that have happened in your life. But here is the truth: blaming others will only take you so far. One of the [core principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/), or ACT, is learning to make room for painful experiences without allowing them to dictate every decision we make. I am not suggesting that you should ignore what happened or pretend it did not matter. I am also not pressuring you to forgive someone before you are ready. Instead, I am suggesting that you acknowledge the painful things that happened while also taking responsibility for the choices you make in the present. I admit that this is not easy. It may require engaging in different [forms of mindful living](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) or seeking support from someone you trust. But if you remain trapped in the blame game, you may stay stuck in the same negative patterns. ## Final Thoughts Your self-concept reflects the beliefs and perceptions you hold about yourself. What you carry inside often shows up in what you think, say, and do. If you recognize yourself in some of the behaviors described above, do not use that realization as another reason to attack yourself. Treat it as useful information. Self-esteem can be rebuilt through honest reflection, healthier choices, supportive relationships, and, when needed, professional help. Addressing these issues does not make a man weak. It takes courage to examine the patterns that are holding you back and begin changing them. That includes you. **Need support?**If low self-worth, depression, substance use, or isolation is interfering with your daily life, consider speaking with a licensed mental health professional or another trusted source of support. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What causes low self-esteem in men? Low self-esteem in men can be influenced by criticism, trauma, rejection, body image concerns, relationship problems, social comparison, mental health challenges, and rigid expectations about masculinity. ### Can men rebuild their self-esteem? Yes. Self-esteem can improve through healthier self-talk, realistic goals, supportive relationships, meaningful activity, emotional honesty, and professional help when needed. ### Why do some men isolate when they feel bad about themselves? Some men isolate because they feel ashamed, fear judgment, or believe they should handle problems alone. Unfortunately, isolation often reinforces negative thinking and makes recovery harder. ### When should a man seek help for low self-esteem? A man should consider seeking help when low self-worth contributes to depression, anxiety, substance misuse, relationship problems, self-neglect, or difficulty functioning in daily life. **References:** Spence, J. T., Helmreich, R., & Stapp, J. (1975). Ratings of self and peers on sex role attributes and their relation to self-esteem and conceptions of masculinity and femininity. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 32*(1), 29–39. <http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0076857> **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mindfulness, Self-Concept, Self-Esteem, self-view --- ### [Amber Eyes: Meaning, Genetics, Rarity and Facts](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![amber eyes male](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/amber-eyes-in-a-male.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Amber eyes are super rare Table of Contents Toggle - [AMBER EYES ARE STRIKING](#AMBER_EYES_ARE_STRIKING) - [AMBER EYES: DEFINITION](#AMBER_EYES_DEFINITION) - [AMBER EYES: A PRIMER](#AMBER_EYES_A_PRIMER) - [WHAT IS THE SCIENCE OF AMBER EYES?](#WHAT_IS_THE_SCIENCE_OF_AMBER_EYES) - [Science of Green Eyes](#Science_of_Green_Eyes) - [RAYLEIGH SCATTERING](#RAYLEIGH_SCATTERING) - [AMBER EYES AND GENES: OLD THEORY](#AMBER_EYES_AND_GENES_OLD_THEORY) - [AMBER EYES AND GENES: NEW THINKING](#AMBER_EYES_AND_GENES_NEW_THINKING) - [AMBER EYES VIDEO](#AMBER_EYES_VIDEO) - [CAN YOU CHANGE EYE COLOR TO AMBER?](#CAN_YOU_CHANGE_EYE_COLOR_TO_AMBER) - [SCIENCE OF EYE COLOR VIDEO](#SCIENCE_OF_EYE_COLOR_VIDEO) - [HOW EYE COLOR CHANGES BECAUSE OF HEALTH](#HOW_EYE_COLOR_CHANGES_BECAUSE_OF_HEALTH) - [AMBER EYES AND HEALTH RISKS](#AMBER_EYES_AND_HEALTH_RISKS) - [CHANGES IN EYE COLOR](#CHANGES_IN_EYE_COLOR) - [EYE COLOR WARNING](#EYE_COLOR_WARNING) - [CELEBRITIES WITH AMBER EYES](#CELEBRITIES_WITH_AMBER_EYES) - [MYTHS ABOUT AMBER EYES](#MYTHS_ABOUT_AMBER_EYES) - [AMBER EYES POLL](#AMBER_EYES_POLL) - [ALIENS GIVEN US AMBER EYES?](#ALIENS_GIVEN_US_AMBER_EYES) - [MAKEUP FOR AMBER EYES](#MAKEUP_FOR_AMBER_EYES) - [FINAL THOUGHTS ON GOLDEN AMBER EYES](#FINAL_THOUGHTS_ON_GOLDEN_AMBER_EYES) ## **AMBER EYES ARE STRIKING** Amber eyes are stunning to look at. They also happen to be very rare. While the specific number of people who have them are hard to know, it is thought that only .01% of the human population has them, based on scientific [studies](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0039625797800185). If we assume that planet earth has approximately 7 billion people on it, this would mean only 700,000 have amber colored eyes. Some people describe this eye color as golden. Others use terms like copper and yellow. In truth, much of how we experience eye color is subjective. We’ll be exploring these topics in detail and many more. Quick fact: There’s only a handful of celebrities who have amber shades and very few of them are male. ![amber golden eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/amber-golden-eyes-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Amber eyes are often translucent ## **AMBER EYES: DEFINITION** Attempting to define amber eyes is difficult. That’s because shades of amber can be light or dark and contain a yellow copper tint with hues of [green-hazel](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) and brown. A person is said to have amber eyes when the reflective light from their iris casts off a near translucent, golden color. Some compare this to “cat eyes”. Others think of reptilian creatures. ![amber eyes man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/amber-eyes-man-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Amber eyes sometimes look hazel. Photo Credit: Red Hot 100 ## **AMBER EYES: A PRIMER** This article is designed to offer a comprehensive overview of amber colored eyes. On this page, you will learn: - How amber colored eyes happen for people - The science of eye color - Amber eyes heredity - How eye color can be changed - How health impacts the color of eyes - Influences of green, hazel and blue eyes on amber - Enhancing amber colored eyes - Celebrities with amber eyes - Amber eye myths - Amber eyes and eye shadow - Amber eye product recommendations ![amber eyes one eye guy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/amber-eyes-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Amber eyes sometimes glow ## **WHAT IS THE SCIENCE OF AMBER EYES?** You are probably curious about the science of amber eyes. If truth be told, I am too because so much of it is fascinating! I’ll walk you through the basics and explain the material I’ve discovered. Like all eye colors, a person with amber color obtains this shade as function of heredity and genetics. Specifically, the two factors that influence eye color include: **1)** pigmentation of the iris and **2)** the scattering of light around the iris itself. Eye color can run a virtual prism of possibilities ranging from the darkest blue to the lightest green to the richest dark brown. Influencing those shades is a substance called melanin; a complex polymer made from the amino acid tyrosine that is embedded into the iris and codes your eye color to what you see today. **More:** [Green eyes are super rare ](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) If you have amber eyes, it is a gift that has been passed on to you that’s been millions of years in the making. Through a series of complicated mutations that have occurred since mankind first walked on the planet, your eye color became possible. It is thought that sometime between the late Tertiary period and early Quaternary period of the Cenozoic era, the previously mentioned mutations took place. ## Science of Green Eyes Melanin content in eye color of people with green, amber, hazel, brown, blue, violet and gray and black eyes | Eye Color | Melanin Amount: Front Layer of Iris | Melanin Amount: Back Layer of Iris | Dominant Pigmentation | |---|---|---|---| | [Hazel](https://guycounseling/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) | Medium: Less than green. More than brown | Normal | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | | Brown | Substantial | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) | Light | Normal | Eumelanin | | Green | Closer to blue; less than brown | Normal | Pheomelanin | | [Grey](https://guycounsling.com/grey-eyes/) | Less than green and hazel | Normal | Eumelanin mix | | Violet/Purple | Small to none | Small to little | Unknown | | Black | Heavy | Heavy | Black Eumelanin | | [Amber](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) | Less than brown | Light | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | ## **RAYLEIGH SCATTERING** It is important to note that genetics alone do not create the golden color others see in you. There is another factor that’s uniquely linked called *Rayleigh scattering*. At its core, Rayleigh scattering is a phrase used to describe how light scatters over something after cresting through the spectrum wavelength. Many mistakenly believe that eye color is predominantly a function of the iris. But it’s really not. Instead, the unique eye color you have, like amber, is directly influenced by how light is dispersed across the melanin’s base. Determined by genetics, it is a function of ancestral coding. ![blue eyes light scatter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes-Rayleigh_sunlight_scattering.png?resize=600%2C491&ssl=1)Amber eyes are in part due to light scattering Credit: Wikicommons ## **AMBER EYES AND GENES: OLD THEORY** For decades, scientists believed eye color was the result of one dominant gene. There was even a theory that an eye color pyramid existed with dark brown being at the top of the ladder and amber lower on the scale. Under this outdated way of thinking, this meant if your father had amber eyes and your mom had hazel eyes, you would probably have some shade of golden. A bio-parental combination of two amber eyes would translate into you having something copper. Some ocular scientists thought recessive genes also partially influenced eye color. ## **AMBER EYES AND GENES: NEW THINKING** A new study, published in a 2008 publication of the American Journal of Human Genetics replaced the old way of thinking how people get their eye color. The research postulates that as many as 16 genes influence how color is expressed in in the iris. Part of this involves adaptions that occur through single-nucleotide polymorphism or (SNP.) In non-science speak, this means an infant can be born with just about any eye color, regardless of what mom and dad have. As an aside, one does need to factor in hereditary variables as part of the equation. Amber eyes specifically are thought to have been part of the genetic sequencing in humans since hominids first showed up on the geologic time scale. If you are Spanish, Asian, South American or of South African decent, there is a greater likelihood of having amber eyes. Theoretically, any race can have amber eyes. Many Irish and Southern Italian have this color. Still, the occurrence of true amber eyes is rare. ## AMBER EYES VIDEO If you are interested in seeing people with amber eyes, the video below offers a great opportunity to see first hand this amazing golden hue. ## **CAN YOU CHANGE EYE COLOR TO AMBER?** Many people are naturally curious if they can change their eye color. The answer is *yes* – just not in the way you might think. The most common ways eye color can change includes: - How light scatters across the iris - Your mood - Medical and health reasons ## SCIENCE OF EYE COLOR VIDEO To learn more about the science of eye color, including people with shades of amber, gold and copper, watch the video below. ## **HOW EYE COLOR CHANGES BECAUSE OF HEALTH** Your eye color can become permanently changed if you take certain medications for the treatment of glaucoma. If you have copper colored peeps and want to keep them, be extremely mindful with any glaucoma medications you take. Get all the facts you can from your doctor so that you can make an informed decision. ![hazel eyes, green eyes, olive eyes, brown blue eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-green-olive.jpg?resize=500%2C475&ssl=1)Amber eyes often combine different eye colors ## **AMBER EYES AND HEALTH RISKS** If you have amber eyes, you are more vulnerable to the sun’s damaging radiation. That’s because of our old friend melanin and protein synthesis. To be blunt, amber eyed people are at risk for specific types of ocular cancers. An example is intraocular melanoma. People with golden eyes should wear UV protective sunglasses when outdoors. ![hazel eyes rare](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-man.jpg?resize=554%2C443&ssl=1)Amber or hazel eyes? As previously mentioned, amber eyes, green eyes and [dark blue eyes](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) don’t specifically have these shades deposited into the iris. Believe it or not, your eye pigmentation contains a little brown. Through Rayleigh scattering, your eyes will reflect back a certain colored hue. ![amber color eyes changes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/face-man-baggy-eyes-640x381.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Can Amber change to another color? ## **CHANGES IN EYE COLOR** Using the prior mentioned scientific principle of Rayleigh scattering, transformation of light particles that land on the iris will impact its coloristic appearance. This can result in a person having hazel, amber, jade, emerald, blue and even gray! Other factors can influence the shade of gold color in eyes. - Type of lighting: Man-made lighting (aka: a light bulb) can influence how others perceive your eye color. The strength of the light reflecting on your iris will either intensify or soften ocular appearance. - Outdoor light: When outdoors, solar rays may be more intense early in the day, which means your iris will “pick-up” different intensities. - Reflective objects: Colors from all that surrounds you, like your clothing, can influence how eye color is experienced. Certain shades, like browns, blues and deep greens can bring out the melanin flecks from the iris. - Your makeup: Some inviduals wear eye-makeup, like chocolate and green eye-shadow, to accentuate the natural amber of the iris. When properly applied, this can create the unique effect of having chameleon eyes. - Seasonal allergies: Some folks with seasonal allergies have “itchy eyes” which can make the “whites” of the cornea turn red (aka: bloodshot eyes). In turn, this can cause the unwanted effect of having [puffy eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). - Emotions: Your emotional state doesn’t directly transform your eye color however, what you feel at any one point in time may influence how they are perceived. Example: if you are crying because of depression, your pupils will dilate. This will cause others to experience your eyes as dark. - Alcohol and Drugs: Use of alcohol, downers, uppers, opoids and other kinds of substances can make your pupils look larger or smaller. The resulting impact is that your eyes can look intensely glossy. ## **EYE COLOR WARNING** Should your eyes change colors suddenly or if your pupils stay dilated for an extended period of time, call your doctor immediately. Remember, you only get one set of eyes so don’t take them for granted. via GIPHY ## **CELEBRITIES WITH AMBER EYES** There are only a small number of celebrities who have amber color eyes. This goes back to the rarity of this color among humans. Below you will find a listing of stars that have a golden color. Some may be more pronounced than others. Additionally, it’s possible that several of these could technically fall into other color categories. Much of how we experience eye color is subjective, influenced by the factors mentioned above. - Hugo Steele - Michael Noher - Edward Cullen - Gabriel Valenzuela - Amanda Righetti - Emily Harrison - Alexandra Liao - Dayna Devon - Emmanuel Delcour - Amanda Righetti - Sarah Wright - Michelle McLaughlin - Nicole Richie - Bella Swan - Edward Cullen - Courtney Culken via GIPHY ## **MYTHS ABOUT AMBER EYES** Amber eyes are super unique and certainly desired by many. As such, there are scores of myths about people with this golden hue. Here are some of the biggies. - Amber eyed people are more beautiful. - Amber eyes are synonymous with [dark spots on the face](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/). - Amber eyed women have supernatural powers. - Amber eyed men have longer relationships. - Amber eyed folks are the best in bed. - Amber eyed people live shorter life spans. - Amber eyed people are more spiritually attuned. - Amber eyed people are usually [Leos](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/). ## **AMBER EYES POLL** The poll below is designed to assess what you think about eye color. There’s nothing scientific about it and should only be used for entertainment purposes. That said, the results may offer insight about what other people think about eye color – including amber colored eyes. Don’t make the mistake of linking your self-esteem to results. ## **ALIENS GIVEN US AMBER EYES?** Your eye color is unique. No two individuals can have exactly the same eye color, unless they were born identical twins. When exploring the origins of eye color, we can see how adaptation has changed them over time. Some believe environmental factors have influence over the these changes. As silly as this may sound, there are people who believe amber eyes are the result of aliens who visited earth from another galaxy. As the theory goes, these creatures injected their DNA into the human DNA pool. However, when you look at other lifeforms on our planet, you will notice a myriad of different colors. Are these variations a function of Darwinian adaptation or did beings from Alpha Centauri deposit them into a primordial zygote? ![amber eyes in a person](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/amber-eyed-person.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Amber eyes are very different ## **MAKEUP FOR AMBER EYES** Some people are curious about the best makeup for amber colored eyes. I’ve talked to a number of women who have this color and they’ve shared with me that shades of purple, reds and browns seem to work best. An example of this can be found in Coastal Scents eye shadow kit, which you can [buy on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2pKVmHW) or in some stores. ## **FINAL THOUGHTS ON GOLDEN AMBER EYES** We still have a lot to learn about eye color, including gold and amber colored eyes. We do know that some people really want to change their eye color desperately and have undergone risky medical procedures to create change. See this post from [ABC News](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/tameka-tiny-harris-surgical-eye-color-change/story?id=26559053). Rather than do something that could potentially damage your eyesight forever, it may be best to opt for colored contact lenses. Finally, if you have amber eyes, see the product listings below from Amazon. They have been served up to compliment your unique eye color! References: Strum, R., et al. (2008) *A Single SNP in an Evolutionary Conserved Region within Intron 86 of the HERC2 Gene Determines Human Blue-Brown Eye Color.* The American Journal of Human Genetics Pascal D. Imesch, P., et al. (1997). The color of the human eye: A review of morphologic correlates and of some conditions that affect iridial pigmentation. Survey of Ophthalmology. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Science **Tags:** Amber Eye Color, Amber Eyes, Eye Color Facts, Eye Color Genetics, Human Genetics, Rare Eye Colors --- ### [7 Ways To Spot a Validation Addict](https://guycounseling.com/validation-addict/) **Published:** March 1, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![validation addiction signs man looking at warning signs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/validation-addict.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Validation Addiction: A Closer Look In our interconnected world, the desire for validation has become increasingly prevalent. While seeking validation is a normal human behavior, **some individuals take it to an extreme** and become validation addicts. As a psychotherapist, I have observed a pattern among these individuals, where they not only seek excessive validation but also engage in manipulative behaviors, including gaslighting. In this blog post, I will explore seven key signs that can help you [spot](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7371090/) a **validation addict** and shed light on the gaslighting tactics they employ. Bear in mind that validation addicts are deeply wounded individuals with fragile self-esteem. Therefore, some amount of compassion is warranted. Have you ever seen these traits in someone you know, such as a friend, coworker or boss? ## **1. Constant Need for External Validation  A validation addict exhibits a constant need for external validation. They rely heavily on others to define their self-worth and seek validation through social media likes, compliments, or praise. Their self-esteem becomes contingent on the opinions and validation they receive, leaving them vulnerable to emotional fluctuations depending on external validation. When they are not adequately validated – watch out! You will notice a major dip in mood where the person becomes irritable and even [depressed](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-depression-want-you-know/). ## **2. Disregard for Personal Boundaries  Validation addicts often disregard the personal boundaries of others. They may push friends, family, or colleagues to provide constant validation, without considering the impact on others’ well-being. **Related:** [How to stop attracting narcissists ](https://guycounseling.com/stop-attracting-narcissists/) They may invade personal space or persistently seek attention, making it challenging for individuals to establish healthy boundaries in their relationships. When they do this, they will attempt to keep secret details of their personal lives. ## **3. Manipulation and Gaslighting Tactics  Gaslighting is a common manipulative tactic employed by validation addicts. They **distort facts**, **twist events**, or deny their previous statements to make others question their own reality. By employing gaslighting techniques, they exert control over others’ perceptions and maintain their power by keeping them dependent on their validation. This gaslighting behavior can be emotionally abusive and detrimental to the victim’s self-esteem and mental well-being. ## **4. Rejection of Constructive Criticism  Validation addicts have a difficult time accepting constructive criticism or negative feedback. They perceive any form of critique as a direct assault on their self-worth, leading to defensive reactions or dismissive responses. Rather than embracing feedback as an opportunity for personal growth, they may become confrontational or deflect blame onto others. This resistance to acknowledging their flaws impedes their personal development and strains their relationships. ## **5. Inability to Self-Validate  Validation addicts struggle to self-validate and rely heavily on external sources for validation. They have difficulty developing an authentic and secure sense of self, constantly seeking external validation to define their worth. **Related:** [5 signs its time to take a break from social media](https://guycounseling.com/time-break-social-media-e18/) This dependency becomes a never-ending cycle, leading to emotional exhaustion and instability when validation is absent or perceived negatively. ## **6. Comparison and Envy  Validation addicts often engage in **constant comparison** with others. They measure their worth based on how they stack up against their peers, resulting in feelings of envy and inadequacy. This cycle of comparison further fuels their need for validation, as they seek reassurance that they are better than others. Consequently, they find it challenging to celebrate others’ successes and may exhibit resentment or hostility towards those who receive more validation. ## **7. Emotional Rollercoaster** Validation addicts experience emotional highs and lows depending on the level of validation they receive. They feel elated and confident when receiving ample validation, but quickly spiral into self-doubt and despair when validation is lacking. Their emotional well-being becomes highly unstable, leading to dependency on external validation to regulate their moods and self-perception. ## Wrap Up Recognizing the signs of a **validation addict** is crucial in understanding the dynamics of a relationship and identifying potential gaslighting behaviors. By being aware of the constant need for external validation, disregard for personal boundaries, manipulation tactics, resistance to constructive criticism, inability to self-validate, comparison tendencies, and emotional instability, we can protect ourselves from emotional manipulation and establish healthier boundaries. If you suspect someone in your life may be a validation addict, it is important to prioritize your own well-being and consider seeking professional help, such as psychotherapy, to navigate these complex interpersonal dynamics. Remember, your self-worth should not be solely dependent on external validation, and fostering a strong sense of self is key to leading a fulfilling and authentic life. **Have you ever dealt with a validation addict? What was your experience?** **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Addiction, Self-Esteem, Validation --- ### [10 Practical Coping Tools for Men With Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/coping-tools-men-anxiety/) **Published:** April 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men with anxiety coping tools](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/men-with-anxiety-coping-tools.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Coping Tools for Men with Anxiety As a **men’s therapist in Chicago**, I’ve encountered numerous men grappling with anxiety. Despite its prevalence, anxiety in men often goes undiscussed or untreated due to societal expectations surrounding masculinity. This unfortunate reality is particularly true for men grew up with male role models who rarely talked about their emotions or learned to [medicate their feelings through alcohol](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) or other substances. Over the years, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with men – often in their twenties and thirties – who tried to pretend they weren’t feeling anxious or came to believe that feeling self-conscious or nervous was a sign of weakness. I will tell you what I tell them and it’s this: **Real men experience anxiety and aren’t wimps for being in touch with their emotions**. I also let them know that it’s crucial to address these feelings head on and not pretend they don’t exist. In this blog post, I’ll share 10 effective coping tools to help men navigate anxiety and reclaim their mental well-being. As you read each suggestion, extract what feels right for your situation. And so, without further ado, here are **10 anxiety coping tools for men**. ## 1. Recognize and Accept Your Feelings The first step in coping with anxiety is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. Contrary to popular belief, experiencing anxiety doesn’t equate to weakness. Understand that it’s a normal human emotion, and **it’s okay to feel anxious** at times. By accepting your emotions without judgment, you pave the way for effective coping strategies. ## 2. Practice Deep Breathing and Relaxation Techniques Deep breathing exercises and [mindfulness based relaxation techniques](https://guycounseling.com/bears-mindful-living/) are powerful tools for managing anxiety. Encourage yourself to take slow, deep breaths when you feel overwhelmed. Additionally, explore relaxation practices such as progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery to alleviate tension and promote a sense of calm. ## 3. Engage in Regular Physical Activity Physical activity isn’t just beneficial for your body; it’s also incredibly beneficial for your mental health. Incorporate regular exercise into your routine, whether it’s going for a jog, hitting the gym, or practicing yoga. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, helping to reduce anxiety and improve overall well-being. ## 4. Establish a Consistent Sleep Routine Adequate sleep is essential for managing anxiety. Establish a consistent sleep schedule, aiming for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Avoid stimulants like caffeine or electronic devices before bedtime, and create a relaxing bedtime routine to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down. ## 5. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine Consumption While it may be tempting to reach for a drink or a cup of coffee when feeling anxious, excessive alcohol and caffeine consumption can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Limit your intake of these substances, as they can disrupt sleep patterns and contribute to feelings of agitation and restlessness. Remember caffeine can be present in a variety of products, including soda, tea, and in sports drinks. ## 6. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation Mindfulness and meditation are powerful practices for cultivating awareness and reducing anxiety. Set aside time each day to engage in mindfulness exercises or guided meditation. Focus on being present in the moment, observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Over time, mindfulness can help you develop a greater sense of calm and resilience in the face of anxiety. If you have never engaged in this activity, here is a [basic meditation guide for beginners](https://guycounseling.com/meditation-guide-beginners/). ## 7. Build a Strong Support Network Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a support group when you’re struggling with anxiety. Building a strong support network can provide you with emotional validation, practical advice, and a sense of belonging. Surround yourself with people who uplift and understand you, and don’t hesitate to lean on them during difficult times. In coaching and counseling circles, we refer to this as *having a circle of support*. ## 8. Challenge Negative Thought Patterns Anxiety often stems from negative thought patterns and catastrophic thinking. Challenge these thoughts by examining the evidence and considering alternative perspectives. Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on facts, or is it just my anxiety talking?” By reframing negative thoughts, you can regain control over your mindset and reduce anxiety levels. One of the best ways to push back against unhealthy thoughts is to engage in cognitive behavioral therapy. I often recommend clients pick up a copy of the book, Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns ([see Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/48KNr29)). ## 9. Set Realistic Goals and Prioritize Self-Care Set realistic goals for yourself and break them down into manageable steps. Avoid overwhelming yourself with unrealistic expectations, and prioritize self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Whether it’s pursuing a hobby, spending time in nature, or practicing self-compassion, make time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. ## 10. Seek Professional Help When Needed Lastly, know that it’s perfectly okay to seek professional help when anxiety becomes overwhelming. Therapy can provide you with valuable tools, support, and insights to effectively manage your anxiety. Whether through individual therapy, group therapy, or online counseling, don’t hesitate to reach out to a qualified mental health professional who specializes in treating anxiety in men. If you are thinking of online counseling, [see Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj). ## Men’s Anxiety Wrap Up Anxiety can be a challenging experience, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. By incorporating these practical coping tools into your life and seeking support when needed, you can effectively manage anxiety and reclaim control over your mental well-being. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and you deserve to live a life free from the grip of anxiety. **Real men do have anxiety** – and they also talk about. it. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, anxiety coping skills, Anxiety Relief, Coping Strategies, men’s mental health, Stress Management --- ### [Dark Blue Eyes: Learn About People With This Unique Color](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) **Published:** June 21, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![learn about blue eyes - blue eyes man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes-1.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Blue Eyes are Most Unusual!](#Blue_Eyes_are_Most_Unusual) - [What is the science of blue eyes?](#What_is_the_science_of_blue_eyes) - [Blue Eyes and Genes](#Blue_Eyes_and_Genes) - [Can your eyes change to blue?](#Can_your_eyes_change_to_blue) - [Eye color can change because of health reasons](#Eye_color_can_change_because_of_health_reasons) - [Blue eyes and associated health risks](#Blue_eyes_and_associated_health_risks) - [Phenomenon of Rayleigh scattering](#Phenomenon_of_Rayleigh_scattering) - [Changes in light and blue eyes](#Changes_in_light_and_blue_eyes) - [Male celebrities with blue eyes](#Male_celebrities_with_blue_eyes) - [Myths About Blue Eyes](#Myths_About_Blue_Eyes) - [Blue Eyes Poll](#Blue_Eyes_Poll) - [Did blue eyes come from aliens?](#Did_blue_eyes_come_from_aliens) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## **Blue Eyes are Most Unusual!** **Blue eyes** are simply beautiful to look at. They are also fairly uncommon among the masses! It has been estimated that only 8% of the world’s population has blue eyes. To give you an idea of just how unique blue are, consider this factoid. Right now, it is estimated that somewhere around 7 billion people live on the planet. Going by the math, this means only 560,000,000 people have some shade of blue as an eye color. There are only a handful of celebrities who have blue eyes and even a smaller number who are male. If you are a person with blue eyes – consider yourself lucky! ![Ian Somerhalder eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/ian-sod.gif?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1) The blue eyes of Ian Somerhalder This webpage will examine everything you ever wanted to know about blue eyes. We will examine how you got those baby blues, assess how eye color can be altered and identify a number of famous male celebrities with blue eyes. We will also check out some blue eyed myths! Other information about various shades of blue eye color will be touched upon, including popular hues of silver. Be sure to visit our [page on green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) if you are curious about the other rare eye color type. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![blue eyes bright](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/beautiful-blue-eyes.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) Where do blue eyes come from? ![blue eyes bright](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes.jpg?resize=506%2C285&ssl=1) Deep blue eyes ## **What is the science of blue eyes?** Many people want to know where blue eyes come from. Ultimately, your eye color is a function of genetics and is determined by two factors: (1) the pigmentation of the [iris](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iris_%28anatomy%29) and (2) the way light scatters around the iris itself. Let’s take a quick look at both. Pigmentation of a person’s iris can run the gambit from the darkest color, black to lightest color, blue. Largely influencing pigmentation is something called *melanin*, a complex polymer made from the amino acid tyrosine. The appearance of blue and shades of blue (i.e. silver, blue-hazel) are the result of a scientific phenomenon known as Rayleigh scattering; which is a 25 cent phrase used to describe the way light scatters after riding its spectrum wavelength. Most people mistakenly believe that colors like blue and green are in the iris – but in truth they are not. Your unique eye color is the direct result of how light diffuses across the melanin base, which as mentioned previously is determined by genetics. ![blue eyes light scatter](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes-Rayleigh_sunlight_scattering.png?resize=543%2C444&ssl=1) Credit: Wiki-Commons ## **Blue Eyes and Genes** ### Old theory For many years, scientists believed a person’s eye color was determined by one dominant gene. It was postulated that an eye color hierarchy existed with brown being at the top of the ladder and blue sitting somewhere at the bottom. Under this old way of thinking, this meant if your father had brown eyes and your mother had blue eyes, you would likely be born brown as your eye color. A parental combination of blue eyes would translate into you having blue eyes. Scientists also believed recessive genes also somehow influenced eye color. ### New theory New research, presented in a 2008 publication of the American Journal of Human Genetics washed the old way of thinking about eyes and color. The new research suggests that as many as 16 genes may influence the way color is expressed in the iris. The unscientific translation means that a baby can be born with just about any eye color, regardless of what their parents have. It is important to note, however, that hereditary variables need to be factored into the equation. In January of 2008, [research](http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080130170343.htm) was published by the University of Copenhagen that suggests blue eyes can be traced to one common ancestor. Scientists believe that somewhere between six and ten thousand years ago, a genetic mutation occurred that paved the way for blue eyes in humans today. ![Chris Hemsworth Blue Eyes](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/chris-hemsworth-blue-eyes.jpg?resize=500%2C337&ssl=1) Credit: Pinterest ## **Can your eyes change to blue?** Many people are curious if eye color can change. The answer is – absolutely! People with blue, green or brown eyes all experience change in color from time to time. Causes for eye color changes include: - The way light scatters - Mood - Health/Medical reasons ![matt bomer eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/matt-bomer-eyes.gif?resize=500%2C285&ssl=1) Matt Bomer blue eyes ## **Eye color can change because of health reasons** ⚠ A Note on Your Eyes and Medication The color of your iris can become changed permanently if you have glaucoma and take certain medications for treatment. If you have light colored eyes and want to keep them, you need to be extremely careful with the glaucoma medications you take. Make sure you consult with your eye doctor to discover all of the facts. Other reasons eye color can change relate to certain types of diseases. Examples include Horner’s syndrome and Fuch’s heterochromic iridocyclitis. Should you notice any changes in the color of your eyes, contact your doctor immediately. ## **Blue eyes and associated health risks** If you have green eyes, you are more susceptible to the sun’s harmful radiation. This has to do with our old friend melanin previously mentioned. Simply put, green eyed people can develop certain types of ocular cancers, like intraocular melanoma. People with light colored eyes should wear UV protective sunglasses when outdoors. ![cam gigandet abs](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/a79a04d6aa68122b308b555800251372.jpg?resize=389%2C479) Cam Gigandet blue eyes ## **Phenomenon of Rayleigh scattering** As mentioned previously, eye color pigmentation is not the result of eye color being deposited into the iris. In truth, your eye pigmentation has a small amount of brown in them. Because of the phenomenon of Rayleigh scattering, your eyes will reflect back a certain colored hue. ![chris pine blue eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/chris-pine-blue-eyes-1.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)Blue eyes of Chris Pine This same phenomenon is why we experience the color of our sky as blue. If we were on Jupiter, we would experience the Jovian sky in light pinks and reds. We would also see pinkish skies on Mars. The science involved with how we “see” our sky is the same science at play regarding how people (including you) see the color of your eyes. ## **Changes in light and blue eyes** Using the prior mentioned scientific principle of Rayleigh scattering, transformation of light particles that land on the iris will impact its coloristic appearance. This can result in a person having hazel, amber, jade, emerald, blue and even gray! Other factors can influence the shade and intensity of eye color: - **Lighting:** Artificial lighting (aka: light bulbs) can impact how eye color is experienced. The intensity of the light hitting your iris will either amplify or soften your iris’s appearance. - **Time of day:** Light from the sun may be more intense earlier in the day or later, which means your iris will “pick-up” different intensities from the **solar spectrum**. - **Reflective colors:** The color of everything around you, including the clothes you have on, can intensify how eye color is experienced. Certain colors, like gold, blue and other greens can amplify the flecks reflecting outward from your iris. - **Makeup:** Some people wear eye makeup, like gold and purple eyeshadow, to accentuate the natural color of the iris. This can cause the desired effect of having chameleon eyes. - **Allergies:** Some people with allergies have “scratchy eyes,” which can cause the surrounding whites of the eyes to become red (aka: bloodshot eyes). This can have the effect of amplifying your eye color. Most people do not desire this look. - **Emotional state:** While your emotional state does not directly change the color of your eyes, what you are [feeling](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0360132306002289) at any given point in time can impact how they are perceived. Specifically, if you are upset and crying, your pupil may dilate, which may give off a darker appearance. - **Substances:** Use of alcohol, stimulants, depressants, and other kinds of medications can cause your pupils to become larger or smaller. The end result can mean your eye color appears more intense. ![Blue green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/blue-green-eyes.jpg?resize=485%2C365&ssl=1) An example of heterochromia – one blue eye, one green ### **Note of caution:** If your eye color changes suddenly or if you notice your pupils remain dilated for no apparent reason for an extended period of time, contact your physician immediately. Your eyes are not something you want to play with. ### **What does your eye color say about you – video** ## **Male celebrities with blue eyes** There are many celebrities with blue eyes – so many that it is not possible to list them all here. Bear in mind that different people have different shades of blue, and how they are expressed and perceived by others in large part depends on the factors mentioned above. Listed below are a number of male celebrities with blue eyes. - Chris Evans - Chris Pine - Zac Efron - Scott Eastwood - Ian Somerhalder - Paul Walker - Jared Leto - Ryan Gosling - Chace Crawford - Jake Gyllenhaal - Daniel Radcliffe - Chris Hemsworth - Liam Hemsworth - Bradley Cooper - Matt Bomer - Henry Cavill - Neil Patrick Harris - Logan Lerman - Wentworth Miller ## **Myths About Blue Eyes** Blue eyes are fairly rare and therefore desired by many. Because of this, it makes sense that a number of myths exist about people with blue eyes. What follows are a few of the big ones. Keep in mind there are many more than the ones listed here! Common Blue Eye Myths - Blue eyed people are more attractive. - Blue eyed people possess supernatural powers. - Blue eyed people have more intense relationships. - Blue eyed people are better in bed. - Blue eyed people live healthier life styles. - Blue eyed people are more connected to the earth. - Blue eyed people live longer. ## **Blue Eyes Poll** This poll is designed to find out what you think about eye color. It is not scientific in nature and therefore should be used for entertainment purposes only. Still, the results may give you a clue about what others think about eye color – including the color of your eyes. [Click here to take an off-site poll](http://poll.fm/51u7u). ## **Did blue eyes come from aliens?** The color of your eyes is unique. No two people will ever have the exact same eye color, unless they are identical twins. When we examine the origins of eye color, we can see their evolution changed over the course of time. It has been suggested that adaptations in eye color occurred as a result of a changing environment. Some people believe that individuals with blue eyes are the result of an alien species depositing their genetic material into the human genome. But if you look at other species on our planet, you will see eye colors come in a rainbow of hues, including yellows, reds and oranges. Did these differing ocular colors come from aliens as well? ## **Final Thoughts** We are still learning a great deal about eye color, with new research happening every day. There have also been advancements changing eye color of the iris through [medical procedures](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/tameka-tiny-harris-surgical-eye-color-change/story?id=26559053). And of course, you can always buy colored contacts to make your eyes blue, green, hazel or brown! I hope you found this post helpful. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling. Please follow us on Facebook! **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Science **Tags:** Blue Eye Color, Dark Blue Eyes, Eye Color Facts, Eye Color Genetics, Human Genetics, Rare Eye Colors --- ### [10 Irrational Thinking Patterns That Increase Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/ten-irrational-thinking-anxiety/) **Published:** June 21, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![irrational man stressed out](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/irrational-thinking-man-stressed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)When the same thought keeps circling back, it’s worth asking whether it’s true — or just familiar. Irrational thinking — it’s a term you’ve probably heard tossed around, but what does it actually mean? And is there a real link between cognitive distortions and anxiety? If you’ve ever wondered how your thoughts and your emotions are connected, you’re in the right place. I’m going to walk you through [ten thinking patterns](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01061229) that can put your anxiety into overdrive. Here’s the hard truth: your thoughts have a lot more influence over your mood than most people realize. That’s not the whole story, though — anxiety can also have biochemical and physiological roots, and medications or substances (alcohol, drugs, even too much caffeine) factor into the picture too. But once those are accounted for, *what you think* still has a massive impact on *what you feel*. For a lot of people, these thinking patterns have been running quietly in the background for so long that they just feel like “how I am” — not something shaped by habit. Below are ten irrational thinking patterns, also known as cognitive distortions, that might be making your life harder than it needs to be. Some of these will feel obvious. Others might catch you off guard. Read through all of them — that’s where the real value is. | Listen Along I cover this same topic in more depth on the podcast — give it a listen while you read, or save it for later. | |---| ## 1. All-or-Nothing Thinking Sometimes called “black-and-white thinking,” this is when your mind only allows for two outcomes — and nothing in between. - “I got an A on the exam, but I missed a few questions, so I’m not actually smart.” - “I got passed over for the promotion — that obviously means I’m not talented.” - “She never texted back after our date. She must think I’m unattractive.” Look back at those examples — are the conclusions actually justified by the facts? What other explanations could fit just as well? ## 2. Overgeneralization This is when one bad moment gets stretched into a permanent, sweeping rule — usually with little to no evidence backing it up. It’s closely tied to [learned helplessness](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/). - You get a flat tire and think, “This always happens to me — why even bother.” - You smile at someone and they don’t smile back, so you decide, “That proves nobody likes me.” - “I’m too short to attract anyone. No one wants to date someone my height.” What else could explain these moments, besides the worst-case story your brain jumped to? ## 3. Mental Filter This is when one negative detail gets so much attention that it colors your perception of an entire experience — even a mostly good one. - You take a great walk on a beautiful day, but one kid on a bike flips you off. Somehow that one moment defines the whole walk. - Five minutes of traffic turns into “the whole commute was miserable.” - You struggle with the last set at the gym, so the entire workout feels like a failure — even though you actually finished it. ## 4. Disqualifying the Positive A close cousin of the mental filter, but sneakier. Here, you set an unspoken bar for how things “should” go, and when reality falls short of that exact bar, you write off everything good that did happen. - You have a great first date and she says she’d like to do it again — but because there was no kiss goodnight, you [feel rejected](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/). - You get a 5% raise during a year your company capped raises company-wide, and still walk away feeling undervalued because it wasn’t 7%. - You and your wife go to a movie that wasn’t great — but she enjoyed the time together and said so. You still file the night under “waste of time.” | Why this one’s sneaky Most people doing this aren’t aware it’s happening. The pattern can run for years, quietly discounting good things as they happen in real time. | |---| ## 5. Jumping to Conclusions This is projecting a negative outcome onto a situation with little or no actual data to support it. In cognitive therapy, the more extreme version of this is sometimes called [awfulizing](https://albertellis.org/awfulizing-time/). - An interviewer says you’ll hear back the next day. A day passes with no word, and you’ve already decided they hired someone else. - Your partner doesn’t text goodnight one evening, and by morning you’re convinced they’re losing interest. - Your boss doesn’t reply to your email same-day, so you assume you’ve done something wrong and you’re getting fired. In each case, there are a dozen mundane explanations more likely than the catastrophic one. Can you name a few? ## 6. Magnification This is putting one detail under a microscope — usually a negative one — while the rest of the picture fades into the background. - You give a presentation and the room applauds, except one person who doesn’t. You walk away thinking the whole thing bombed. - You’re getting plenty of positive attention at a bar, but one person seems uninterested — so you decide you’re not attractive. - A glowing performance review includes one line about time management, and suddenly you’re convinced you’re about to be let go. ## 7. Emotional Reasoning This shows up most when you’re already feeling low. It’s treating a feeling as if it were a fact — like wearing tinted glasses and assuming the world really is that color. - You’re in a low mood and assume your friends already see you as a downer. - You can’t afford a house right now and conclude you’ll *never* be able to buy one. - You’ve gained a few pounds and feel self-conscious, so you assume everyone around you is thinking the same thing. ## 8. Should Statements “Should” and “must” statements usually come loaded with guilt or resentment — toward yourself or someone else. Left unchecked, you end up [shoulding on yourself](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201304/stop-shoulding-yourself-death-0) constantly. - You miss a work deadline because your child was injured and needed you — and you still tell yourself you should have gotten it done anyway. - You bring donuts to the office, nobody says thanks, and you leave work resentful, convinced people are ungrateful. - You drop a barbell at the gym and call yourself an idiot for not lifting it perfectly. | Related term Albert Ellis, the founder of REBT, had a name for the more extreme version of this: [musturbation](https://albertellis.org/musturbation-stop-rubbing-wrong-way/) — rigid “must” thinking that leaves no room for being human. | |---| ## 9. Labeling and Mislabeling This is overgeneralization taken to the extreme — slapping a permanent label on yourself or someone else based on one moment. “I’m such a loser.” “She’s always a jerk.” The label sticks even when the evidence is thin or one-sided. ## 10. Personalization This is taking the blame for things that were never really yours to carry. - Your department has layoffs, and you decide it happened because you personally didn’t work hard enough. - Your kid brings home a bad grade, and you immediately conclude you’re a bad parent. - Leadership announces mandatory weekend overtime for the whole team, and you quietly blame yourself for it — as if your output alone caused the decision. --- As you can see, irrational thinking rarely holds up under scrutiny. But that doesn’t stop it from running the show — and quietly cranking up your anxiety while it does. One of the most effective ways to interrupt the pattern is simply learning to recognize it in the moment. When you catch yourself mid-distortion and ask, “Is there another way to see this?” — that’s the crack where the cycle starts to break. | 📖 | Worth Reading If you want to go deeper on changing these patterns, *Unf\*ck Yourself* by Gary John Bishop is a solid, no-nonsense place to start — straightforward and refreshingly free of fluff. | |---|---| So — out of these ten, how many sound like you? **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** #podcast, Anxiety, cognitive distortions, Distortions, negative thinking --- ### [Upper Back Workouts for Men: 5 Exercises to Build Strength](https://guycounseling.com/upper-back-workouts/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![back exercises](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/back-muscles-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Upper and Lower Back Exercises for Growth Most men want to work back exercises into their strength training routine because they’re hoping to build that distinctive **V-shaped look**. Figuring out the right back exercises, though, can be easier said than done. Part of the difficulty comes down to knowing which muscles to target. Chest and upper-body exercises can help build overall mass, but the back needs its own focused attention if you want to see real growth there. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BohMSw8l3VW/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) The photo above is of . I chose him as the lead image for this article because he has an achievable look for most people hoping to build a defined, solid back. He has a mesomorph/endomorph body type, meaning a medium build — so this isn’t an unrealistic target for the average guy. In this article, I’ll walk through the back and its muscles, explain why choosing the right exercises matters, and cover some important back safety issues before getting into the routine itself. ## Upper & Lower Back Muscles The back is a complex network of muscles that breaks down into three main areas: the **upper back** (traps), the **middle back** (lats), and the **lower back** (erectors). See the graphic below to get a visual sense of these muscle groups. [![back muscles upper, middle lower](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/back-muscles.jpg?resize=479%2C560&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/back-muscles.jpg?ssl=1) Credit: The Health Site ## Back Workout Goals Guys working on their back exercises are generally hoping to add thickness and mass — what most people call a V-shape or V-cut look. Characteristically, that means: - Wide, meaty lats that run from the upper back and taper downward toward the lower back - Well-developed rhomboids that stand out when flexed - Clear definition in the teres muscles (major and minor) - Noticeable mass that gives a tapered structure to the lower back through the lats - Well-developed traps that look thick without being overdone [![back body builder](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/back-body-builder.jpg?resize=620%2C411&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/back-body-builder.jpg?ssl=1) Credit: Travisstoetzel.com I’m including this photo so you can see what a classic V-shape looks like in practice. The guy pictured has a well-built back that isn’t overdone — well-developed lats, traps, and teres muscles giving him that “V” or “Christmas tree” look. ## Back Safety Before getting into specific exercises, it’s worth spending a few moments on back safety. I’m bringing this up because a lot of guys I know who work out regularly have dealt with back problems at some point. I have lower back issues myself, which I can mostly trace to genetics. According to [widely cited research](http://www.painmed.org/patientcenter/facts_on_pain.aspx), tens of millions of people in the United States live with chronic back pain, and a large share of adults will experience back pain at some point in their lives. Underlying contributors to back pain are generally thought to include: - Poor posture - Long periods of sitting - Heavy lifting - Excess body weight - Strained muscles - Genetics ## Body Builders and Back Exercises For lifters — particularly men over 35 — there comes a point where reality sets in about the risk of injury with certain back exercises. If you’ve ever dealt with a back injury while working out, you know how debilitating it can be. A bad back injury can sideline you for weeks, if not months. My advice is simple: If you have a history of chronic back problems or have injured your back before, use extreme caution with back exercises. Get medical clearance for any new back routine from your health provider before starting. If you’re a lifter with a history of back problems, your goal should be identifying which exercises you *can* do and avoiding the ones you can’t. For example, I can’t do traditional squats on the [Smith machine](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smith_machine) because my discs bulge during the downward motion — that’s just genetics. In plain terms, my lower back can’t handle the weighted compression around the erector muscles. I’ve accepted that as my reality and learned to work around it with other exercises and machines that provide more support and balance. ## Back Workout Injury Prevention There are a few things you can do to help prevent back injuries when lifting. This isn’t a complete list, but it’s a solid starting point. Quick back injury prevention tips - [Stretch your back](http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/multimedia/back-pain/sls-20076265) for at least 5 minutes before *each* workout, regardless of which body part you’re training that day. - Focus on muscular endurance over raw development. - Avoid back exercises immediately after waking up — your back muscles haven’t warmed up yet, which can lead to spasms. - Aim to train your back at least 2–3 days a week to build endurance over time. - If you’re prone to back injuries, lighter weight is better — [research supports this](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24998744). Prioritize full range of motion over how much weight you can move. [![deadlift exercise back workouts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Deadlift-Stoppani-586x325.jpg?resize=586%2C325&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Deadlift-Stoppani-586x325.jpg?ssl=1) Credit: Alpha Male Tribe ## Body Building Myth: You Must Do Deadlifts What you’ll notice in the exercises below is that you don’t need a bunch of squatting or heavy lifting moves to build the upper and lower back. Plenty of lifters assume the [**deadlift**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadlift) is the key to building mass. That’s simply not true. The deadlift can be a useful exercise, but it’s not the only path to a V-shaped back. Not everyone will agree with that, and that’s fine. Here’s what the research shows: certain back exercises carry a higher risk of injury because they (1) place compression or loading on the spine, (2) involve torque or rotation that creates shear force, or (3) add tensile stress through excessive spinal motion. Don’t let someone at your gym tell you people only get hurt doing deadlifts because of “bad form.” That’s sometimes true, but it’s an oversimplification. Some people are simply more prone to back injury than others because of genetics or previous injuries — it’s that straightforward. That’s why deadlifts aren’t part of my list of five. To be clear — I’m not saying skip them entirely. I’m saying that if you have back issues, it’s worth considering alternatives. If you do want to include deadlifts in your routine, [this instructional video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xwJzLQTKYQ) is a good form reference. Now let’s get into the five best back exercises. ## Back Exercise 1: Pull-Up Hold The pull-up hold is a great exercise for developing the traps, lats, and rear shoulders. The benefit is that it doesn’t place pressure on the spine or lower back. Some guys add a weighted vest or a chain around the neck for extra resistance. Directions: Hang from a pull-up bar with an overhand grip, hands roughly the same width as a barbell bench press. Focusing on your upper back and rear shoulder muscles, pull your chest up to the bar and hold for 10–20 seconds (beginners start at 10). Aim for at least 5 reps and build up to 10 over time. Add resistance with a weighted vest, a chain, or a dumbbell held between your feet once you’re ready. ## Back Exercise 2: Two-Part Dumbbell Row The dumbbell row is another excellent exercise for the upper back. Done properly, it adds width and mass, helping build that tapered look — and again, it doesn’t compress the spine. Directions: Grab a pair of dumbbells, starting light so you can get comfortable with the full range of motion. Bend at your knees and hips and lower your torso until it’s roughly parallel with the floor. Let the dumbbells hang from your shoulders, palms facing you, with controlled form. This is your starting position. Shrug your shoulders and gently pull your shoulder blades together, holding for 2–3 seconds. Row the weight by bending your elbows and raising them out to the sides as you pull the dumbbells toward your torso, keeping your shoulder blades squeezed together. Lower back to the starting position and repeat. ## Back Exercise 3: Cable Diagonal Raise The cable diagonal raise is another great option for building mass in the lats, deltoids, and upper and lower teres muscles. Like the previous exercises, it puts no compression on the spine. Directions: Attach a handle to the low pulley of a cable station. Stand with the left side of your body perpendicular to the cable, and grab the handle with your right hand in front of your hip, elbow slightly bent. This is your starting position. Pull the handle up and across your body until your hand is above your head, thumb pointing up — similar to a Statue of Liberty pose. Hold for half a second. Return slowly to the starting position and repeat, then switch sides. ## Back Exercise 4: Alternating Dumbbell Shoulder Press This one targets the lats, teres muscles (major and minor), and rhomboids. It places no direct load on the spine and can be done standing or seated. Directions: Grab a pair of dumbbells, starting light. Hold them just outside your shoulders with your arms bent, palms facing each other, feet shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent. This is your starting position. Press the right dumbbell upward until your arm is straight. Hold for half a second, then lower back to the starting position. Repeat the same movement on your left side. Alternate sides throughout your set. ## Back Exercise 5: Rack Pull The rack pull is highly effective for working the entire back, with particular emphasis on the lower back. Note that this exercise does place compression on the spine. It’s an alternative to the traditional deadlift that reduces spinal loading while avoiding a full weighted bend — a motion known to contribute to back injuries. Use caution, and start with no added weight. Directions: Set a barbell at knee height on a squat rack. Take a short-stance position with your back and hips slightly bent toward the bar. Bend over slowly and grab the bar with an overhand grip, hands just outside your legs. This is your starting position. Stand up slowly, pushing your hips forward. Return slowly to the starting position and repeat. ## Back Workout Summary These five exercises are a strong foundation for developing the muscles of the back. There are plenty of other options out there, but the ones above should be part of most back routines. And of course, none of this works without a strong core to support it. Thanks for taking the time to read through this. I hope you found it useful. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Back, Exercise, muscle, Workouts --- ### [Green Eyes: 25 Facts About This Rare Eye Color](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** Table of Contents Toggle - [Did you know these facts about  green eyes?](#Did_you_know_these_facts_about_green_eyes) - [Quick Facts About Green Eyes](#Quick_Facts_About_Green_Eyes) - [In this article, you will learn:](#In_this_article_you_will_learn) - [Pigmentation and eye color](#Pigmentation_and_eye_color) - [1. How people get green eyes](#1_How_people_get_green_eyes) - [2. Light scattering influences color shade](#2_Light_scattering_influences_color_shade) - [3. As many as 16 genes involved](#3_As_many_as_16_genes_involved) - [4. Green eyes and anthropology](#4_Green_eyes_and_anthropology) - [5. Mating spread green eyes across early peoples](#5_Mating_spread_green_eyes_across_early_peoples) - [6. OCA2 gene consideration](#6_OCA2_gene_consideration) - [7. Early origins of green eyes](#7_Early_origins_of_green_eyes) - [8. Green eyes are seen in all races](#8_Green_eyes_are_seen_in_all_races) - [9. Health can affect eye color](#9_Health_can_affect_eye_color) - [10. Increased risk for certain cancers](#10_Increased_risk_for_certain_cancers) - [11. Influence of alcohol](#11_Influence_of_alcohol) - [12. One green eye](#12_One_green_eye) - [13. No two eye colors the same](#13_No_two_eye_colors_the_same) - [14. Makeup and eye color](#14_Makeup_and_eye_color) - [15. Color can change with age](#15_Color_can_change_with_age) - [16. Allergies and eye color](#16_Allergies_and_eye_color) - [17. Time of day and green eyes](#17_Time_of_day_and_green_eyes) - [18. Emotions and green eyes](#18_Emotions_and_green_eyes) - [19. Harrison Ford has green eyes](#19_Harrison_Ford_has_green_eyes) - [22. Green eyes and puffiness](#22_Green_eyes_and_puffiness) - [23. Melanin and hazel eyes](#23_Melanin_and_hazel_eyes) - [24. Some animals have green eyes](#24_Some_animals_have_green_eyes) - [25. Clothing can influence eye color](#25_Clothing_can_influence_eye_color) - [Personality and eye color](#Personality_and_eye_color) - [Eye Color and Personality Poll](#Eye_Color_and_Personality_Poll) - [Frequently Asked Questions About Green Eyes](#Frequently_Asked_Questions_About_Green_Eyes) - [Frequently Asked Questions About Green Eyes](#Frequently_Asked_Questions_About_Green_Eyes-2) - [Frequently Asked Questions About Green Eyes](#Frequently_Asked_Questions_About_Green_Eyes-3) ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/green-eyes-11.jpg?resize=517%2C340&ssl=1)Did you know these facts about  green eyes? Looking for facts about **green eyes**? Do you have family members or friends with this [eye color](https://www.nature.com/articles/ng.2007.13)? Have you ever wondered where green eyes come from? If the answer is yes, join the club. Many people are curious about green eyes because they are so fascinating. ## Quick Facts About Green Eyes - Green eyes are considered one of the rarest natural eye colors. - Eye color is influenced by melanin, genetics, and how light scatters in the iris. - Green eyes can appear lighter, darker, hazel, or blue-green depending on lighting, clothing, and pupil size. - There is no proven scientific link between green eyes and personality traits. - Sudden changes in eye color or vision should be discussed with an eye doctor. While there is no way to be sure, **scientists think 2% of the world’s population has green eyes**. The frequency of seeing green eyes in people largely depends on geographic location. An example can be found in northern Europe, particularly the Scandinavian countries, where approximately 80% of the population has [greenish blue eye color](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/). This article is all about your eye color and will touch on green, blue, brown and amber eyes. My hope in penning this piece is to help you better understand how you got unique eyeshade. ## In this article, you will learn: - How pigmentation influences eye color - The link between melanin and eye color expression - Why green eyes are so unique - Common beliefs about green eyes and personality - Myths about eye color, including green - The popularity of green eyes ## Pigmentation and eye color Many people think that **green eyes** are a result of ocular pigmentation. But that is a common misnomer. That is because eye pigments don’t contain eye color. In other words, people with blue eyes don’t have blue pigments and [people with brown](https://guycounseling.com/brown-eyes/) eyes down have brown pigments. To help offer clarity, let’s discuss examine several terms that will serve as a foundation for all that follows. I’ve tried to keep the language simple to avoid confusion. - **Iris:** Surrounding the pupil is the iris; a ring-shaped membrane that contains pigmentation. It sits directly behind the cornea of the eye. - **Eye Pigmentation**: Clinical term used to describe eye color. Often, the more unique a person’s eye color, the more descriptive the term. Examples include hazel, jade, aqua, amber, and jasmine. - **Melanin**: A complex polymer made from the amino acid tyrosine. This is a critical component of how people experience eye color. - **Lipochrome:** Yellow-like pigmentation that gives some people the [unusual amber color eyes](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/). Now that you have an overview of the terminology, let’s move on and explore **25 amazing facts about green eyes** that might surprise you! ![factual information green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/green-eyes-factual-information.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Interesting facts on green eyes ## 1. How people get green eyes Green eyes, like any other eye color, are a function of genetics and influenced by **1)** the pigmentation of your iris and **2)**; the way light scatters across the melanin base. In [evolutionary biology](https://evolutionarybio.wordpress.com/2014/09/15/the-difference-between-genetic-and-hereditary/), genetics and heredity converge to create a trait in an organism. In humans, this can mean an expressive trait of green eyes. ## 2. Light scattering influences color shade Have you ever noticed that some people have different shades of eye color? For example, your friend may have hazel eyes and your cousin may have seaweed color. Part of the reason for this relates to the phenomenon of Rayleigh scattering; a ten-dollar term used to describe the way light scatters along the spectral wavelength. An easy way to think of concept is to consider how the sky looks on a clear day. Usually, it’s pale blue. The reason you experience that color is the way light travels across the atmosphere and reflects off the planet’s oceans. Mars, conversely, is devoid of oceans. Its surface is a brownish red. As a result, the Martian atmosphere gives off a rust color, a reflection of the ground below. Millions of years ago, when Mars was able to hold water, the reflection very likely would have been bluish and perhaps even greenish. In much the same way, the dynamics of eye color works much the same way. ![Rayleigh scattering](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/earth-mars-space-dot-com.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Rayleigh scattering. Credit: Space.com ## 3. As many as 16 genes involved A 2008 study in the American Journal of Genetics ushered in a new era on how we think about eye color. In the past, most people thought pigmentation was a function of a dominant gene. The research, however, suggests as many as 16 genes may be involved with a direct impact on how color is expressed in the Iris. Scientists refer to this as a polygenic gene. ## 4. Green eyes and anthropology There is some anthropological evidence of people with green eyes dating back to mankind’s early beginnings. Researchers believe people with light colored eyes lived in the mountain system in Eurasia, located between the Black Sea and the Caspian Sea. In evolutionary terms, this area is known as the “Silk Route”; a natural land bridge that existed between 120 BCE – 1450s. ## 5. Mating spread green eyes across early peoples The silk route had a critical role in the creation of the early civilizations of China, the Kingdom of Korea, swaths of Japan, the Indian subcontinent, regions of Persia and the Horn of Arabia and Africa. Early traders used this route for the purposes of trade. It is believed peoples from the various regions met one another on this path and would – as humans do – to procreate. This may be why we see so many individuals with green eyes across parts of Europe, Africa, and Asia. ![hazel-green shade](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Green-Eyes-and-Different-Shades.jpg?resize=600%2C381&ssl=1)Shade of hazel-green ## 6. OCA2 gene consideration The OCA2 gene is thought to influence eye color. OCA2 gives instructions for making an enzyme called the P protein. This protein is housed in melanocytes; specialized cells that discharge a pigment called melanin. While scientists aren’t totally sure, some believe a lack of P protein, created by OCA2, may be responsible for color intensity. This may help to explain why some people have bright green eyes and others have hues of hazel-brown. Yellow and blue, when combined, make green. ## 7. Early origins of green eyes Many scientists believe light colored eyes, including green, may have first shown up in people of Iranian, Spanish, Brazilian and Pakistani descent in the early part of the Cenozoic period. In geologic time, this would be between the Pleistocene and Holocene epochs, some 2 to 3 million years ago. See this [geologic time scale](https://www.geosociety.org/GSA/Education_Careers/Geologic_Time_Scale/GSA/timescale/home.aspx?hkey=8668fe3f-c0a8-4dd8-aaca-13603b24c9e0) to learn more. In many ways, this makes sense when one considers the Silk Route mentioned in fact number four. ## 8. Green eyes are seen in all races The presence of green eye color can be found across all races. Contrary to urban myth, this shade of color is not unique to persons of European descent. Because of genetic mutations that have occurred over the millennium, we see variations of green across our species. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/attractive-green-eye-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Young man’s face with green eyes ## 9. Health can affect eye color While your eyes are fixed in their color, this doesn’t mean they can’t change. In truth, certain health conditions can alter how they are experienced by others. For example, should you have glaucoma and are treated with certain medications, your eye color can permanently change. Horner’s syndrome and Fuch’s heterochromic iridocyclitis can also change your eye color. This is why you should contact your doctor if you ever notice any sudden change in vision or notice something different about your eye color. ## 10. Increased risk for certain cancers People with light colored eyes, such as greens and blues, are thought to be at higher risk for certain types of cancers, such as intraocular melanoma. Regardless of eye color, you should wear sunglasses that offer protection from ultra-violet light. Never stare directly into the sun as doing so can damage your vision permanently. You can buy sunglasses almost anywhere, but optometrists recommend polarized lenses that offer maximum protection. An example can be found these Gamma Ray glasses (See Amazon). ## 11. Influence of alcohol Have you ever noticed that when a person drinks alcohol, the intensity of their eye color seems to change? Some describe this phenomenon as a glossy-look. What’s really going on is the person’s pupils are dilating. In turn, this can impact intensity levels. ![Heterochromia](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Heterochromia.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Heterochromia example ## 12. One green eye Some people have one hazel eye and one blue eye. Others have a hazel eye and a brown eye. The medical name for this condition is Heterochromia. While there isn’t firm agreement among scientists about the causes of this unique ocular feature, some believe it relates to a gene mutation. ## 13. No two eye colors the same Your greenish eyes may closely resemble the same shade as your grandmother but one this is for sure – they aren’t carbon copies. That’s because no two people have exactly the same eye color, with the exception of identical twins. ## 14. Makeup and eye color The way a person’s eye color is perceived can be influenced by cosmetics. In this way, it is possible to create the illusion of greater intensity. Many women opt for composing kits that are designed specifically for green eyes, such as Almay Cosmetics ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3HR3iCr)). ![jade eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Jade green eyes ## 15. Color can change with age Some people notice that over the course of their lifetime, their eye color will change. While it’s unlikely someone will go from blue to amber, it’s possible a brown can transform into hazel. Conversely, others may notice their eye color will darken, making hazel eyes transform into brown. ## 16. Allergies and eye color If you have allergies, you may have noticed that your eye color may change in intensity. An example might be a light green appearing to turn greener. Much of this has to do with the relationship between histamines and the cornea tearing up. With greater amounts of moisture, the more intense eye color appears. ## 17. Time of day and green eyes In the morning, a person with green eyes may appear to have a hazy color. As the day continues, the intensity may sharpen. Some of this has to do with blood circulation and how various nutrients are delivered to the eyes. Many people use vitamins that are specifically created for ocular health and to brighten ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2DxhReL)). ![tyler hoechlin green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/hazel-eyes-tyler-hoechlin-.jpg?resize=495%2C381&ssl=1)Green eyes of Tyler Hoechlin ## 18. Emotions and green eyes Do your eyes become brighter when you feel happy? Do they become more colorful when you are angry or sad? The reason is that your pupils are dilating in concert with your feeling state. Emotions have long been known to influence how eye color is experienced. ## 19. Harrison Ford has green eyes In the technical sense, the actor who is known for playing Hans Solo in the Star Wars saga, as well as Indiana Jones, has green eyes. Well, a variation of green to be exact. Ford, born in 1942, has [green-blue eyes](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/). Look at some of his photos and you will notice how they have changed over the years. 20 Green eyes considered most attractive According to a number of public surveys, including a [poll](https://polldaddy.com/poll/8483898/) conducted on this website, green eyes are considered the most attractive of the different shades. Blue and hazel are also popular. Not to be left out, brown is also enjoyed by many. ## 22. Green eyes and puffiness Many people believe that people with green eyes are more susceptible to eye puffiness and the dreaded “baggy eyes”. While there is no clinical proof of this, we do know some races are more likely to struggle with allergies than others, according to [research](https://www.practicefusion.com/blog/analyzing-race-ethnicitys-role-allergies-across-u-s/). It is possible to effectively [treat baggy eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) with simple home remedies. However, to get to the root of your puffiness, it is best to visit a doctor. ![Hazel green eyes ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/hazel-green.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Hazel green eyes in a women ## 23. Melanin and hazel eyes Your eye color is also linked to the concentration of melanin in your pigmentation. The greater the melanin, deeper the color. [Hazel eyes](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/), for example, have a kind of middle ground amount of melanin that helps reflect outward a greenish brown hue. ## 24. Some animals have green eyes We like to think of eye color in terms of humans but in truth, many animal species have green colored eyes. Examples include cats, dogs, reptiles, and some fish. ## 25. Clothing can influence eye color Your clothing choices can influence how others experience your eye color. In the case of greens and hazel eyes, shirts, jackets, and sweaters that are gold, blue and emerald can give your peeps more vibrancy. ![Personality and green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/eddie-redmayne-blue-green-eyes.jpg?resize=564%2C355&ssl=1 "Personality and green eyes")Personality and green eyes ## Personality and eye color Some people believe there is a relationship between eye color and personality. Perhaps you do as well? Here are some common traits \[not based on science\] related to personality and eye color: - Brown: Honest, trustworthy, kind-hearted, and friendly. - Green: Sincere, caring, creative, intuitive, and empathic. - Blue: Risk-takers, bold, strong, cautious, guarded. - Hazel: Outgoing, clever, cunning, smart and outgoing. ## Eye Color and Personality Poll Just for fun, I’ve published a poll that asks you about your beliefs regarding eye color and personality. Obviously, it’s not scientific so assess the results through the lens of entertainment only. ## Frequently Asked Questions About Green Eyes ### Are green eyes rare? Yes. Green eyes are generally considered rare compared to brown and blue eyes, though exact percentages vary by population and geographic region. ### Why do green eyes look different in different lighting? Green eyes can appear to shift because of lighting, pupil size, clothing colors, makeup, and how light scatters across the iris. ### Do green eyes mean someone has a certain personality? No. There is no solid scientific evidence that green eyes determine personality. Personality descriptions connected to eye color are best understood as entertainment or folklore. ### Can green eyes change color? Eye color can appear to change because of lighting, emotions, allergies, pupil dilation, and age. Sudden or dramatic changes in eye color or vision should be discussed with an eye doctor. ### What causes green eyes? Green eyes are influenced by genetics, melanin levels in the iris, and light scattering. Eye color is complex and may involve multiple genes. ## Frequently Asked Questions About Green Eyes ### Are green eyes rare? Yes. Green eyes are generally considered rare compared to brown and blue eyes, though exact percentages vary by population and geographic region. ### Why do green eyes look different in different lighting? Green eyes can appear to shift because of lighting, pupil size, clothing colors, makeup, and how light scatters across the iris. ### Do green eyes mean someone has a certain personality? No. There is no solid scientific evidence that green eyes determine personality. Personality descriptions connected to eye color are best understood as entertainment or folklore. ### Can green eyes change color? Eye color can appear to change because of lighting, emotions, allergies, pupil dilation, and age. Sudden or dramatic changes in eye color or vision should be discussed with an eye doctor. ### What causes green eyes? Green eyes are influenced by genetics, melanin levels in the iris, and light scattering. Eye color is complex and may involve multiple genes. ## Frequently Asked Questions About Green Eyes ### Are green eyes rare? Yes. Green eyes are generally considered rare compared to brown and blue eyes, though exact percentages vary by population and geographic region. ### Why do green eyes look different in different lighting? Green eyes can appear to shift because of lighting, pupil size, clothing colors, makeup, and how light scatters across the iris. ### Do green eyes mean someone has a certain personality? No. There is no solid scientific evidence that green eyes determine personality. Personality descriptions connected to eye color are best understood as entertainment or folklore. ### Can green eyes change color? Eye color can appear to change because of lighting, emotions, allergies, pupil dilation, and age. Sudden or dramatic changes in eye color or vision should be discussed with an eye doctor. ### What causes green eyes? Green eyes are influenced by genetics, melanin levels in the iris, and light scattering. Eye color is complex and may involve multiple genes. References: [World Population Overview (2018) Region – Scandinavia](http://worldpopulationreview.com/regions/scandinavia-population/).  [World Population by Eye Color (2018)](https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/which-eye-color-is-the-most-common-in-the-world.html).  [Scandinavia Countries: Encyclopedia Britannica](https://www.britannica.com/place/Scandinavia). **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Science **Tags:** Eye Color Facts, Eye Color Genetics, Green Eye Color, green eyes, Human Genetics, Rare Eye Colors --- ### [25 Best Websites for Men and Blogs for Guys](https://guycounseling.com/best-websites-men/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![best websites and blogs for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/male-topics-8.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Best Websites for Men Revealed** Looking for a list of the **best websites for men**? Are you hoping to find blogs that focus on men’s health, grooming, fitness, style, relationships, and personal growth? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. This page is all about websites that offer useful information for men. Let’s be honest: There are thousands of blogs and digital publications competing for your attention. The number of choices can become overwhelming. ![Guy Counseling logo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/GUY-COUNSELING-LOGO.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1) To complicate matters, many websites focus on just one area of a man’s life. Examples include [men’s grooming](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/), exercise, mental health, relationships, fashion, fatherhood, or outdoor living. Given all the choices, I thought it would be helpful to create a resource page that organizes some of the better options according to their main focus. For each recommendation, I’ve highlighted several of the website’s key features to make the list easier to navigate. This page was originally created several years ago and has been updated to remove websites that are no longer active or useful. I’ve also added several newer resources that deserve attention. Not every website on this list will appeal to every reader. Some are large digital publications. Others are smaller, independently operated sites with a more personal point of view. That mix is intentional. Large publishers often have substantial editorial resources and deep archives. Smaller websites can offer a focused voice and a perspective you may not find elsewhere. Whenever possible, I’ve included a blend of both. **How were these websites selected?** Each recommendation needed to offer useful material, maintain a meaningful archive, and provide something more substantial than recycled lifestyle advice. Because websites change over time, links and recommendations are periodically reviewed. ![men's health websites](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/scared-of-going-to-dentist.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Health and Mental Wellness Websites ## Men’s Health and Mental Wellness The first category focuses on men’s physical, emotional, and psychological health. Let’s face it: When your health is suffering, it becomes much harder to concentrate on relationships, work, fitness, or anything else. Here is a mix of independent and mainstream men’s health resources worth exploring. ### 1. MenAlive Operated by Dr. Jed Diamond, MenAlive has been addressing men’s emotional health, relationships, aging, and personal development for many years. Diamond writes from both professional and personal experience, giving the website a voice that feels different from a conventional health publication. - Men’s mental health - Relationships and family life - Aging and personal growth [Visit MenAlive](https://menalive.com/) ### 2. Talking About Men’s Health Talking About Men’s Health explores physical and emotional health issues affecting men and boys. The site includes articles and interviews covering medical care, mental health, family life, prevention, and health disparities. It is a useful destination for readers who want accessible health information presented through a male-focused lens. - Physical health - Mental wellness - Family and community health [Visit Talking About Men’s Health](https://tamh.menshealthnetwork.org/) ### 3. HeadsUpGuys HeadsUpGuys is an excellent resource for men dealing with depression, anxiety, stress, and other mental health concerns. The website includes practical articles, self-check tools, recovery stories, and information for people who are concerned about a man in their life. Its material is direct, supportive, and grounded in mental health research. - Depression and anxiety - Mental health self-checks - Recovery stories and support [Visit HeadsUpGuys](https://headsupguys.org/) ### 4. Men’s Health Men’s Health remains one of the largest publications devoted to male wellness. The website covers fitness, nutrition, medical concerns, mental health, relationships, grooming, and lifestyle topics. Because the site is so large, the quality and depth of individual articles can vary. Still, its strongest guides offer practical information and access to experienced health and fitness contributors. - Men’s physical health - Fitness and nutrition - Mental wellness and relationships [Visit Men’s Health](https://www.menshealth.com/health/) ### 5. The Good Men Project The Good Men Project publishes essays and articles about men, relationships, identity, fatherhood, culture, and emotional wellness. Because it is a large contributor-driven platform, you will encounter a wide range of voices and viewpoints. That variety is part of its appeal. It can be especially useful for readers interested in thoughtful discussions about what manhood looks like today. - Relationships and emotional wellness - Fatherhood - Men, identity, and culture [Visit The Good Men Project](https://goodmenproject.com/) ![men's style websites](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/mens-shoes.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Style Websites ## Men’s Style A lot of men go online for straightforward advice about clothing and personal style. That makes sense. Walk into almost any department store and you’ll quickly notice that men generally receive fewer choices and less guidance than women. The websites below can help with everything from building a basic wardrobe to choosing a suit, buying shoes, or figuring out what to wear to a particular event. ### 6. Gentleman’s Gazette If you are interested in classic men’s clothing, Gentleman’s Gazette is worth visiting. Founded by Sven Raphael Schneider, the website offers detailed guides covering suits, dress shirts, shoes, accessories, etiquette, and the history behind traditional menswear. Some of the recommendations lean toward formal or premium clothing, but the educational material can help almost any man better understand fit, fabric, and construction. - Classic menswear - Shoes and boots - Accessories and etiquette [Visit Gentleman’s Gazette](https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/) ### 7. Dappered I have visited Dappered many times over the years. What I like most is the website’s practical approach to men’s clothing. Rather than assuming every reader has an unlimited budget, Dappered frequently highlights affordable clothing, seasonal sales, wardrobe basics, and realistic alternatives to expensive designer pieces. - Affordable men’s clothing - Shopping and sales guides - Shoes and accessories [Visit Dappered](https://dappered.com/) ### 8. Alpha M Aaron Marino, better known online as Alpha M, has built a large collection of articles and videos about clothing, grooming, fitness, confidence, and self-improvement. His presentation style is energetic and may not appeal to everyone, but many of his basic guides are easy to understand and specifically designed for men who are just beginning to pay more attention to their appearance. - Men’s clothing - Grooming and appearance - Confidence and self-improvement [Visit Alpha M](https://alpham.com/) ### 9. FashionBeans FashionBeans is a useful destination for men who want contemporary style advice without spending hours studying the fashion industry. The website covers seasonal clothing, hairstyles, watches, shoes, fragrances, and wardrobe basics. It can be especially helpful for men in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, although many of its guides apply to readers of any age. - Seasonal style guides - Men’s hairstyles - Clothing and accessories [Visit FashionBeans](https://www.fashionbeans.com/) ### 10. The Modest Man The Modest Man originally became known for helping shorter men find clothing that fits properly. Over time, it expanded into a broader style resource covering wardrobes, grooming, watches, shoes, and everyday menswear. Even if you are not a shorter man, the site offers useful advice about proportions, fit, and avoiding clothing that overwhelms your frame. - Clothing fit and proportions - Style for shorter men - Watches, shoes, and grooming [Visit The Modest Man](https://www.themodestman.com/) ![men's grooming websites](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-main-photo.jpg?resize=587%2C368&ssl=1)Men’s Grooming Websites ## Men’s Grooming Men care about their appearance, even if some of us are reluctant to admit it. Today, men are talking more openly about skincare, hair loss, beard care, fragrance, shaving, and personal style. The challenge is no longer finding grooming advice. It is separating practical guidance from endless product promotion. Here are five websites that can help. ### 11. Guy Counseling Yes, I am including Guy Counseling on this list. Grooming has been an important part of this website from the beginning. Our guides cover skincare, hair, beard care, fragrance, and appearance-related confidence without treating self-care as something men should feel embarrassed about. You can also explore the archive of the [Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mens-self-help-podcast/id1465473031), which includes episodes about confidence, wellness, relationships, and personal growth. - Men’s skincare - Hair and beard care - Cologne and fragrance [Explore Guy Counseling’s grooming articles](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-grooming/) ### 12. Men’s Health Grooming I like much of the grooming advice published by Men’s Health because it tends to be practical, straightforward, and written for everyday guys. The section includes product testing, skincare guides, shaving advice, fragrance recommendations, and articles about hair and beard care. As with any product-driven publication, it is wise to compare recommendations before buying. Still, the site is a helpful starting point. - Skincare and shaving - Hair and beard care - Product guides [Visit Men’s Health Grooming](https://www.menshealth.com/grooming/) ### 13. AskMen Grooming AskMen is a broad men’s lifestyle publication, but its grooming section has long offered accessible advice for guys who want uncomplicated answers. You will find material covering shaving, moisturizers, hairstyles, beard care, body grooming, and fragrances. - Hair styling - Shaving and beard care - Skincare and fragrance [Visit AskMen Grooming](https://www.askmen.com/grooming/) ### 14. Ape to Gentleman Ape to Gentleman blends men’s grooming, fashion, hairstyles, fragrance, watches, travel, and lifestyle material. The site has a polished presentation, but many of its articles remain practical. It is particularly useful for men interested in grooming advice that connects naturally with clothing and personal style. - Men’s grooming - Hairstyles and facial hair - Fragrance and personal style [Visit Ape to Gentleman](https://www.apetogentleman.com/) ### 15. GQ Grooming It would be difficult to create a list of men’s grooming websites without including GQ. Its grooming section features articles about skincare, shaving, hair, fragrances, celebrity grooming routines, and new products. Some recommendations can be expensive, but the publication remains influential in the men’s grooming space. - Men’s skincare - Hair and beard care - Fragrance and grooming trends [Visit GQ Grooming](https://www.gq.com/grooming) ![men's fitness websites](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/bicep.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Fitness Websites for Men ## Men’s Fitness There are more websites devoted to men’s fitness than I can count. Some focus on bodybuilding, while others concentrate on general exercise, strength, endurance, nutrition, or athletic performance. I’ve included a mix so that you can find something useful whether you are an experienced lifter or simply trying to become more active. Always remember that online fitness information is educational. It should not replace personalized medical advice, particularly if you have an injury or health condition. ### 16. Bodybuilding.com Bodybuilding.com has been one of the largest online fitness resources for many years. The website includes an enormous archive of exercises, training programs, nutrition articles, supplement information, and bodybuilding content. Some areas of the site are strongly connected to product sales, so readers should keep that in mind. Even so, its exercise library can be useful when researching movements or building a workout routine. - Exercise demonstrations - Bodybuilding programs - Strength and nutrition articles [Visit Bodybuilding.com](https://www.bodybuilding.com/) ### 17. Muscle for Life Muscle for Life was founded by fitness author Mike Matthews. The website focuses heavily on evidence-informed strength training, muscle development, fat loss, and nutrition. The articles are often detailed and designed to explain why a particular training or nutrition recommendation may work. - Muscle development - Strength training - Nutrition and fat loss [Visit Muscle for Life](https://legionathletics.com/muscle-for-life/) ### 18. BarBend BarBend is a strong resource for readers interested in weightlifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, strongman training, CrossFit, and general strength development. The website publishes exercise guides, training information, equipment reviews, athlete interviews, and news from strength sports. - Strength training - Powerlifting and weightlifting - Exercise and equipment guides [Visit BarBend](https://barbend.com/) ### 19. Men’s Fitness Men’s Fitness offers material covering workouts, nutrition, endurance, recovery, gear, and overall performance. The website is not geared only toward bodybuilders. Many of its articles are appropriate for men who want to become stronger, improve their conditioning, lose weight, or stay active as they age. - General men’s fitness - Workouts and endurance - Nutrition and recovery [Visit Men’s Fitness](https://www.mensfitness.com/) ### 20. Muscle & Fitness Muscle & Fitness sits somewhere between general fitness and serious bodybuilding. The website contains workouts, exercise guides, athlete profiles, nutrition material, and information for readers ranging from gym beginners to experienced lifters. - Strength and bodybuilding - Exercise programs - Nutrition and performance [Visit Muscle & Fitness](https://www.muscleandfitness.com/) ![men's lifestyle and interest websites](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/backpacking-tips-wilderness.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Lifestyle and Practical Interest Websites ## Men’s Lifestyle and Practical Interests The websites in this final section cover a broader collection of interests, including fatherhood, practical skills, outdoor recreation, automotive culture, and personal development. These subjects are not exclusively male, of course. They are included because they have traditionally attracted a substantial male readership and may be of interest to Guy Counseling visitors. ### 21. Fatherly Fatherly offers practical advice for new and experienced dads. What I like about the website is that it approaches fatherhood as more than providing money or enforcing rules. Its articles frequently explore emotional development, relationships, family health, child development, work, and the pressures facing modern parents. The site is generally welcoming to different kinds of fathers and families. - Fatherhood and parenting - Relationships and family life - Child development [Visit Fatherly](https://www.fatherly.com/) ### 22. Art of Manliness Art of Manliness has built a massive archive covering practical skills, habits, work, relationships, fitness, philosophy, and personal development. Its traditional presentation will not appeal to every reader, and Guy Counseling has a different editorial personality. Even so, many of its detailed guides are genuinely useful. It is especially strong when exploring older skills, historical ideas, and practical subjects that receive little attention from mainstream lifestyle publications. - Practical skills - Habits and personal development - Work, relationships, and culture [Visit Art of Manliness](https://www.artofmanliness.com/) ### 23. The Drive If you enjoy cars, trucks, automotive technology, or driving culture, The Drive is worth exploring. The website publishes automotive news, vehicle reviews, original features, maintenance information, and stories about the people and technology shaping the car world. - Automotive news - Vehicle reviews and features - Car culture and technology [Visit The Drive](https://www.thedrive.com/) ### 24. Outdoor Life Outdoor Life has a long history of covering fishing, camping, hunting, wildlife, outdoor equipment, and wilderness skills. Some topics will not appeal to every reader, but the website maintains a deep archive of outdoor information. It can be particularly helpful for people interested in fishing, camping, gear, and spending more time outside. - Fishing and camping - Outdoor equipment - Wilderness skills [Visit Outdoor Life](https://www.outdoorlife.com/) ### 25. Backpacker Backpacker is an excellent website for people interested in hiking, backpacking, camping, trail skills, and outdoor travel. The site includes destination guides, equipment reviews, safety information, trip-planning advice, and instructional articles for both beginners and experienced hikers. - Backpacking and hiking - Outdoor safety - Equipment and destination guides [Visit Backpacker](https://www.backpacker.com/) ## How to Choose the Right Men’s Website The best website for you will depend on what you are trying to learn. If you are struggling emotionally, start with one of the mental health resources. If you want to update your wardrobe, explore the style section. If your goal is to become stronger or more active, review several fitness websites rather than relying on a single source. It also helps to ask a few basic questions while reading: - Does the website identify who wrote or reviewed the material? - Does it distinguish useful guidance from advertising? - Are health claims supported by qualified sources? - Does the advice respect different kinds of men and life experiences? - Is the content helping you make an informed decision, or simply pressuring you to buy something? No website gets everything right. Read critically, compare sources, and be especially careful with advice involving medical conditions, mental health, supplements, injuries, or major financial decisions. ## Wrap Up Hopefully, you found this collection of the best websites for men useful. There is no single website that can speak to every part of a man’s life. That is why I recommend exploring several resources and bookmarking the ones that consistently offer something valuable. I also encourage you to support independently operated websites when you find one you enjoy. Smaller publishers operate in an intensely competitive online environment. Reading their work, sharing a useful article, joining an email list, or purchasing through an affiliate link can help keep quality independent publishing alive. At the same time, remember that popularity does not automatically make a website trustworthy. Large and small publishers can both produce excellent work—and both can sometimes get things wrong. Use the resources on this page as starting points, not unquestionable authorities. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling. **Page last reviewed and updated: July 2026** --- **RELATED** [Best Podcasts for Men Worth Listening To](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/) **Categories:** Growth, News **Tags:** Blogs, Fitness, Grooming, health, Men's Blogs --- ### [How to Get Rid of Dark Circles and Bags Under Your Eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man looking for ways to reduce dark circles and bags under his eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/face-man-baggy-eyes.jpg?resize=548%2C391&ssl=1) Do dark circles or bags under your eyes make you look exhausted even when you feel perfectly fine? It is a common frustration for men. You catch your reflection in a mirror, look at yourself during a video call or see a photograph and wonder why the area beneath your eyes looks darker, puffier or more hollow than it used to. The first thing to understand is that **dark circles, temporary puffiness, under-eye hollows and permanent eye bags are not necessarily the same problem**. Because they can have different causes, they may also require different solutions. A cold eye mask might temporarily calm morning puffiness, for example, but it cannot remove a structural pocket of fat beneath the eye. Similarly, sleeping longer may help when fatigue is contributing to your appearance, but it will not erase dark circles caused primarily by genetics, pigmentation or facial anatomy. **Quick answer:** Cold compresses, adequate sleep, allergy treatment, reduced sodium intake, sun protection and gentle skincare may improve the appearance of some dark circles and under-eye puffiness. Persistent hollows or prominent bags may require evaluation by a board-certified dermatologist, ophthalmologist, oculoplastic surgeon or plastic surgeon. Table of Contents Toggle - [Why Do Men Get Dark Circles and Bags Under Their Eyes?](#Why_Do_Men_Get_Dark_Circles_and_Bags_Under_Their_Eyes) - [Dark Circles, Puffiness, Hollows or Eye Bags?](#Dark_Circles_Puffiness_Hollows_or_Eye_Bags) - [10 Ways to Reduce Dark Circles and Under-Eye Bags](#10_Ways_to_Reduce_Dark_Circles_and_Under-Eye_Bags) - [1. Use a Cool Compress for Temporary Puffiness](#1_Use_a_Cool_Compress_for_Temporary_Puffiness) - [2. Get Consistent, Sufficient Sleep](#2_Get_Consistent_Sufficient_Sleep) - [3. Watch Salt and Alcohol, Especially at Night](#3_Watch_Salt_and_Alcohol_Especially_at_Night) - [4. Address Allergies and Nasal Congestion](#4_Address_Allergies_and_Nasal_Congestion) - [5. Protect the Area From Sun Exposure](#5_Protect_the_Area_From_Sun_Exposure) - [6. Moisturize the Skin Around Your Eyes](#6_Moisturize_the_Skin_Around_Your_Eyes) - [7. Be Careful With Retinol and Brightening Products](#7_Be_Careful_With_Retinol_and_Brightening_Products) - [8. Stop Smoking](#8_Stop_Smoking) - [9. Use Concealer When You Need an Immediate Fix](#9_Use_Concealer_When_You_Need_an_Immediate_Fix) - [10. Consider Professional Treatment for Persistent Concerns](#10_Consider_Professional_Treatment_for_Persistent_Concerns) - [Can Botox Get Rid of Bags Under Your Eyes?](#Can_Botox_Get_Rid_of_Bags_Under_Your_Eyes) - [What About Under-Eye Filler?](#What_About_Under-Eye_Filler) - [Can Surgery Permanently Remove Eye Bags?](#Can_Surgery_Permanently_Remove_Eye_Bags) - [What Does Not Reliably Get Rid of Eye Bags?](#What_Does_Not_Reliably_Get_Rid_of_Eye_Bags) - [When Should You See a Doctor?](#When_Should_You_See_a_Doctor) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [Can drinking more water remove dark circles?](#Can_drinking_more_water_remove_dark_circles) - [How quickly does a cold eye mask work?](#How_quickly_does_a_cold_eye_mask_work) - [Does caffeine eye cream work?](#Does_caffeine_eye_cream_work) - [Are dark circles always caused by a lack of sleep?](#Are_dark_circles_always_caused_by_a_lack_of_sleep) - [Can eye bags be removed without surgery?](#Can_eye_bags_be_removed_without_surgery) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## Why Do Men Get Dark Circles and Bags Under Their Eyes? The skin surrounding your eyes is thin and delicate. As you age, that skin may become thinner while the tissues and muscles supporting your eyelids gradually weaken. Fat that previously supported the eye can shift forward, creating a visible pouch or bag. Fluid can also collect beneath the eyes, particularly after sleeping, eating a salty meal, drinking alcohol or experiencing nasal congestion. This may create temporary morning puffiness that improves as the day goes on. Dark circles can have several possible causes, including: - Genetics and inherited facial features - Normal aging and thinning skin - Increased pigmentation beneath the eyes - Visible blood vessels under thin skin - Shadows caused by hollows or prominent eye bags - Insufficient or irregular sleep - Allergies and chronic nasal congestion - Rubbing or irritating the skin around the eyes - Sun exposure - Smoking - Dehydration or temporary fluid shifts For many men, more than one factor is involved. That is why a single cream, supplement or “miracle cure” rarely solves the entire problem. ## Dark Circles, Puffiness, Hollows or Eye Bags? Before reaching for a product, take a closer look at what you are actually seeing. | What you see | Possible explanation | What may help | |---|---|---| | **Morning puffiness** | Temporary fluid retention, salt, alcohol, sleep position or allergies | Cold compress, sleep, allergy management and lifestyle changes | | **Brown or gray discoloration** | Pigmentation, sun exposure, genetics or irritation | Sun protection, gentle skincare and dermatologic treatment | | **Blue or purple circles** | Blood vessels showing through thin skin or allergy-related congestion | Cold compress, allergy care and cosmetic coverage | | **Sunken or hollow area** | Facial anatomy or age-related volume loss | Cosmetic coverage or consultation about professional treatment | | **Persistent protruding bags** | Weakened supporting tissue and forward movement of fat | Professional evaluation; surgery may be the most definitive option | ## 10 Ways to Reduce Dark Circles and Under-Eye Bags ### 1. Use a Cool Compress for Temporary Puffiness Applying something cool to the area beneath your eyes can temporarily reduce puffiness and make visible blood vessels less noticeable. You can use a clean washcloth dampened with cool water, chilled spoons or a reusable gel eye mask. Apply the compress gently for approximately five to ten minutes. Do not place ice directly against your skin, and do not press firmly against the eye itself. **Recommended product: TheraPearl Eye Mask** A reusable gel-bead mask is convenient because it conforms to the area around the eyes and can be stored in the refrigerator between uses. Cooling may temporarily reduce puffiness, but it will not permanently remove structural bags. [**Check the TheraPearl Eye Mask on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4gy0w6o) *Affiliate disclosure: Guy Counseling participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. We may earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.* ### 2. Get Consistent, Sufficient Sleep A rough night does not physically create every dark circle, but insufficient sleep can make your complexion look paler and your eyes appear more tired. It may also contribute to fluid retention and more visible shadows beneath the eyes. Most adults need approximately seven to nine hours of sleep per night. Try to maintain a reasonably consistent sleeping and waking schedule, especially if your under-eye puffiness seems worse after irregular nights. Elevating your head slightly with an additional pillow may also reduce the amount of fluid that collects beneath your eyes while you sleep. **Keep expectations realistic:** Better sleep may make you look more rested, but it cannot alter inherited pigmentation, facial anatomy or permanent eye bags. ### 3. Watch Salt and Alcohol, Especially at Night A salty dinner can cause temporary water retention, which may make morning puffiness more obvious. Alcohol can also disrupt sleep, contribute to dehydration and make the eye area look more tired the following day. You do not need to eliminate every salty food or force yourself to drink a gallon of water. Instead, focus on normal hydration and notice whether heavy restaurant meals, processed foods or several alcoholic drinks consistently make the puffiness worse. ![man drinking water as part of a healthy skincare routine](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/man-drinking-water.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) *Normal hydration supports healthy skin, but excessive water intake will not erase eye bags.* ### 4. Address Allergies and Nasal Congestion If your dark circles appear along with sneezing, nasal congestion, itchy eyes, watery eyes or seasonal symptoms, allergies may be part of the problem. Allergy-related dark circles are sometimes called [allergic shiners](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/allergic-shiners). Nasal congestion can slow blood flow through veins around the sinuses, making the area beneath the eyes appear darker or swollen. ![man experiencing allergies that may contribute to dark circles under the eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/man-allergies-sneezing.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) Try not to rub your eyes. Repeated rubbing can irritate delicate skin and may worsen discoloration. A physician, allergist or pharmacist can help you identify appropriate allergy treatments. Do not begin taking medication solely for cosmetic puffiness without first considering its risks, possible interactions and whether allergies are actually the cause. ### 5. Protect the Area From Sun Exposure Sun exposure can worsen uneven pigmentation and accelerate the breakdown of collagen. That may make the skin around the eyes appear thinner, darker or more lined over time. Apply a broad-spectrum facial sunscreen with an SPF of at least 30 every morning. Wear sunglasses when outdoors, and remember that sun protection matters throughout the year—not only during summer. **Recommended product: EltaMD UV Clear Broad-Spectrum SPF 46** This lightweight facial sunscreen is a strong premium option for men who dislike heavy or greasy formulas. Avoid getting sunscreen directly into your eyes. [**Check EltaMD UV Clear on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4vpyaPk) ### 6. Moisturize the Skin Around Your Eyes Dry skin can make lines and shadows beneath the eyes look more noticeable. A gentle moisturizer will not remove a fat pad or change your bone structure, but it can improve hydration and temporarily create a smoother appearance. Look for a fragrance-free product containing ingredients such as ceramides, hyaluronic acid or niacinamide. Apply it with your ring finger using a light tapping motion. Avoid pulling or stretching the skin. **Recommended product: CeraVe Eye Repair Cream** This is a sensible entry-level choice for men who want a straightforward moisturizing eye product without paying luxury-skincare prices. It can hydrate and improve the cosmetic appearance of dryness, but it will not permanently remove bags. [**Check CeraVe Eye Repair Cream on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4gwLk9F) ### 7. Be Careful With Retinol and Brightening Products Some skincare products contain retinol, vitamin C, niacinamide or other ingredients intended to improve fine lines or uneven pigmentation. These ingredients may be useful for some men, but the skin around the eyes is easily irritated. Introduce one product at a time, start slowly and follow the label directions. Do not apply a strong facial retinoid directly beneath your eyes unless the product is intended for that area or a dermatologist has advised you to do so. Stop using a product if you develop burning, significant redness, peeling or swelling. More irritation will not produce faster results and may actually make discoloration look worse. **Avoid home bleaching experiments.** Lemon juice, baking soda, undiluted essential oils and harsh scrubs can irritate or injure the skin around your eyes. Natural does not automatically mean gentle or safe. ### 8. Stop Smoking Smoking accelerates visible skin aging and damages collagen and elastin. It may contribute to thinner, duller-looking skin and make lines, shadows and under-eye changes more noticeable. Stopping smoking will not instantly remove existing bags, but it is one of the best decisions you can make for your skin and your overall health. ### 9. Use Concealer When You Need an Immediate Fix There is nothing unmasculine about using a small amount of concealer. Grooming products are tools, and concealer is one of the fastest ways to make dark circles less noticeable before a photograph, date, work presentation or important event. Choose a lightweight formula close to your natural skin tone. If your circles look blue or purple, a peach-toned corrector may help neutralize the color before concealer is applied. Use less than you think you need. Place one or two small dots beneath the eye and blend gently with a clean finger or makeup sponge. Thick layers can collect in fine lines and draw more attention to the area. **Recommended product: Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Concealer** This widely available concealer comes in multiple shades and is easy for beginners to apply. Men with significant discoloration may benefit from testing more than one shade before deciding which looks most natural. [**Check Maybelline Instant Age Rewind on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4wB43W6) ### 10. Consider Professional Treatment for Persistent Concerns If your dark circles or bags remain bothersome despite sensible home care, a board-certified specialist can help determine what is causing them. Possible professional treatments may include: - Prescription topical treatments for selected pigmentation concerns - Chemical peels performed or supervised by a qualified professional - Laser or light-based treatment for selected pigmentation or blood-vessel concerns - Dermal filler for carefully selected under-eye hollows - Eyelid surgery, also called blepharoplasty, for prominent structural bags The correct option depends on your anatomy, skin tone, medical history and the specific cause of the problem. ## Can Botox Get Rid of Bags Under Your Eyes? ![man considering cosmetic treatment around the eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/botox-men.jpg?resize=558%2C394&ssl=1) Botox and similar neuromodulators are mainly used to relax muscles that create expression lines, such as crow’s feet around the outer corners of the eyes. They do not remove protruding fat pads, correct significant hollows or permanently eliminate under-eye pigmentation. In selected cases, an experienced medical professional may use a neuromodulator as part of a broader cosmetic plan. However, injections near the eye require considerable skill and are not an appropriate do-it-yourself solution. I have personally undergone Botox treatment and shared more about the experience in my article on [what men can expect from Botox](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/). ## What About Under-Eye Filler? Dermal filler may soften the transition between the lower eyelid and cheek in carefully selected people with under-eye hollows. It is not appropriate for every type of dark circle or eye bag, and some people may look puffier after treatment. The area beneath the eyes contains important blood vessels. Although serious complications are uncommon, accidental injection into a blood vessel can cause tissue damage, vision problems, blindness or stroke. **Important filler warning** Under-eye filler should only be performed by a properly licensed medical professional with substantial experience treating this area. Ask about the clinician’s training, complication plan and whether filler is appropriate for your particular anatomy. You can review the [FDA’s dermal filler safety information](https://www.fda.gov/consumers/consumer-updates/dermal-filler-dos-and-donts-wrinkles-lips-and-more) before scheduling treatment. ## Can Surgery Permanently Remove Eye Bags? When prominent bags are caused by displaced fat and weakened supporting tissue, lower-eyelid surgery may offer a more definitive result than creams or temporary treatments. During blepharoplasty, a surgeon may remove or reposition fat and address excess skin. As with any surgery, there are risks, costs and recovery considerations. Seek an evaluation from a qualified ophthalmologist, oculoplastic surgeon or board-certified plastic surgeon who regularly performs eyelid procedures. ## What Does Not Reliably Get Rid of Eye Bags? The internet is filled with confident promises. Be cautious about claims that any of the following will permanently erase eye bags: - Drinking extreme amounts of water - Taking ibuprofen or another pain reliever for cosmetic swelling - Applying hemorrhoid cream beneath the eyes - Using an expensive clay or facial mask - Rubbing the area with ice - Performing aggressive facial massage - Taking unproven supplements - Applying lemon juice, baking soda or other harsh home remedies Some methods may temporarily change the appearance of the skin, but temporary tightening is not the same as removing an anatomical eye bag. ![close view of dark circles and bags beneath a man's eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/baggy-eyes-men.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1) ## When Should You See a Doctor? Typical dark circles and age-related bags are usually cosmetic concerns. However, contact a healthcare professional if you experience: - Sudden or severe swelling around an eye - Swelling that appears only on one side - Eye pain or significant redness - Changes in vision - Swelling following an injury - Discharge, fever or signs of infection - Severe itching or a spreading rash - Persistent swelling without an obvious explanation - A major or unexpected change in the color around your eyes A healthcare professional can determine whether allergies, dermatitis, infection, thyroid disease or another medical concern may be contributing to the change. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Can drinking more water remove dark circles? Normal hydration supports healthy skin and may help if you are genuinely dehydrated. Drinking excessive amounts of water will not eliminate dark circles caused by genetics, pigmentation, visible blood vessels, hollows or structural bags. ### How quickly does a cold eye mask work? You may notice a temporary reduction in puffiness after several minutes. The improvement usually fades because cooling does not change the underlying facial structure. ### Does caffeine eye cream work? Caffeine-containing products may temporarily improve the appearance of puffiness or visible blood vessels in some people. Results vary, and caffeine cannot permanently remove a structural under-eye bag. ### Are dark circles always caused by a lack of sleep? No. Sleep can influence how tired your eyes look, but genetics, aging, allergies, pigmentation, sun exposure, thin skin and facial anatomy are also common contributors. ### Can eye bags be removed without surgery? Temporary puffiness may improve without surgery. Prominent bags caused by displaced fat and weakened tissue are less likely to disappear with skincare alone. A qualified specialist can explain whether a nonsurgical treatment or blepharoplasty is more appropriate. ## Final Thoughts Dark circles and bags under the eyes are common, and they do not mean that you are unhealthy or failing to take care of yourself. Start by identifying whether you are dealing with temporary puffiness, pigmentation, hollows or structural bags. A cool compress, consistent sleep, allergy management, less late-night sodium, sun protection and gentle skincare may create a noticeable improvement. At the same time, be skeptical of products that promise to permanently erase every under-eye concern. Some changes are connected to genetics and normal aging and may require professional treatment if they genuinely bother you. For more practical grooming advice, read our guide to [essential facial care for men](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/). *This article is for general informational purposes and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.* **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** baggy eyes, bags under eyes, dark circles, puffiness --- ### [The At-Home Spa Guide for Men: 10 Steps & Modern Trends](https://guycounseling.com/best-home-spa-ideas-for-men/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![at home spa ideas men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/mens-at-home-spa-ideas.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Home spa ideas for men Table of Contents Toggle - [Best Home Spa Ideas For Men Made Simple](#Best_Home_Spa_Ideas_For_Men_Made_Simple) - [An Emotional Oasis](#An_Emotional_Oasis) - [1. Scented Candles](#1_Scented_Candles) - [2. Relaxing Music](#2_Relaxing_Music) - [3. Shower and Exfoliate](#3_Shower_and_Exfoliate) - [4. Apply a Face Mask](#4_Apply_a_Face_Mask) - [5. Run a Hot Bath](#5_Run_a_Hot_Bath) - [6. Rinse Off](#6_Rinse_Off) - [7. Moisturize Your Body](#7_Moisturize_Your_Body) - [8. Moisturize Your Face](#8_Moisturize_Your_Face) - [9. Clip Your Nails](#9_Clip_Your_Nails) - [10. Time to Meditate](#10_Time_to_Meditate) - [Level Up: Trending At-Home Spa Add-Ons](#Level_Up_Trending_At-Home_Spa_Add-Ons) - [At-Home Spa For Men Wrap Up](#At-Home_Spa_For_Men_Wrap_Up) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) ## Best Home Spa Ideas For Men Made Simple Searching for at-home spa ideas for men? Hoping to create an environment to unwind and relax? Not sure where to begin? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I’ve perfected the art of creating an at-home spa through lots of practice. In recent years, spas have become all the rage. Upscale hotels and private clubs have made them the main attraction as part of their offerings. But getting into one with all of the extras can cost a small fortune. For example, I once paid several hundred dollars for a Las Vegas spa “experience” that included admission to the facility, a deep tissue massage, and a facial. Three hundred twenty-five dollars, to be exact. While I don’t regret spending the money, I also realize that I can’t afford to make spa visits a regular thing. The truth is, I’m not wealthy. Maybe you aren’t either? **What You’ll Need** - A scented candle - Something to play relaxing music or nature sounds - A body exfoliant - A face mask - A few drops of essential oil for the bath - Body moisturizer and face moisturizer - Nail clippers - 20-30 minutes with no interruptions ![home spa for guys](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/man-spa.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)A home spa to relax ## An Emotional Oasis But here’s what I’ve discovered. You don’t have to be rich to experience the benefits of a spa. With a little imagination, you can recreate an enjoyable experience right in your own home. In writing this piece, I consulted with licensed [psychologist](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/gregory-j-harms-chicago-il/360371) Gregory Harms about why men should consider making an at-home spa day part of their regular routine. “Anything that helps to promote relaxation and naturally reduces stress is a good thing. While exercise and physical activity are effective outlets for anxiety, an at-home spa is different. In many ways, they act as an emotional oasis away from a busy and hectic world,” Harms said. “It’s something I encourage my clients to consider as part of their self-care routine,” he adds. So there you have it — a mental health reason to create a spa at home that’s firmly rooted in wellness. Let’s move on now to 10 at-home spa ideas for men to get your chill on. Check it out. ![vanilla candle home spa](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/vanilla-candle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Light a candle ## 1. Scented Candles Research suggests that men best respond to vanilla, pine, and chamomile as relaxing agents. Yankee Candle offers several excellent selections to consider. You can buy this brand at many retail outlets or online. [Check Amazon for prices](https://amzn.to/3hGBLUO). Once you’ve made your selection, place the candle in a safe spot — for example, on the corner of a sink, away from towels. Light the candle five minutes before entering your home spa, allowing the room to fill with its scent. ## 2. Relaxing Music No spa experience would be complete without relaxing music as part of the mix. Consider playing something instrumental, like guitar or harp. You can also try the calming sounds of nature, like a rainforest. Some men prefer ambient music. The goal of this step is to encourage tranquility and inner peace. There are lots of places to stream these kinds of tunes. Examples include Pandora, Spotify, and [Amazon Music](https://amzn.to/3fwKXck). If you stream, do it on a tablet, not your phone. Here’s why: You don’t want your home spa experience interrupted by intrusive noises from the outside world, like phone calls, texts, or social media chimes. One way to make sure you aren’t interrupted is to place your phone in another room, making it out of sight, out of mind. [![charcoal scrub men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/charcoal-scrub.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1)](https://amzn.to/3fwMJdu) ## 3. Shower and Exfoliate Taking a warm shower before running a hot bath is essential. Doing so allows you to prep your skin for the treatments to come. Your goal here is to destress while removing dead skin from your body. A great way to do this is by applying a high-quality exfoliant. My favorite is M3 Naturals Activated Charcoal Scrub. It’s excellent for treating stretch marks, acne, scars, and wrinkles. What I like most about this product is how it gives my skin a smooth, polished look. You can get a great deal at [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3fwMJdu). Once you’ve exfoliated, be sure to rinse off with a moisturizing body wash. See this [men’s body wash guide for ideas](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/). After your shower, use a cotton towel to pat yourself dry, then slip into a comfortable robe. If you don’t have one, wrap yourself up with something else — or nothing at all. One of the benefits of an at-home spa is not having to remain clothed. ## 4. Apply a Face Mask With your body exfoliated, it’s time to apply a face mask. The goal is to cleanse your pores, remove dead skin, and tighten. Choosing the right type of face mask based on your skin type is vital. See this handy [men’s face mask guide](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/) for expert tips. If you aren’t sure what to use, consider Borghese Advanced Fango Active Mud Musk. It does a powerful job with debris removal, brightening, and tightening, and is designed for hybrid skin types. See [Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4gxo0sg). You’ll leave the mask on for 20–30 minutes. This will be easy because it can be combined with your next step. ![bath oil men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/oils-1.jpg?resize=320%2C100&ssl=1) ## 5. Run a Hot Bath Taking a bath has become a lost art. Let’s be real — if you’re like most guys, it’s all about the shower. But if your goal is relaxation and calm, a hot bath is an absolute must. Let the water flow at a temperature that feels warm to the skin. Not super-hot, but not cold either. Many experts believe 92 degrees is the ideal temperature. Consider adding a few drops of essential oil to the water. You can find these at many stores, including Whole Foods. Online retailers also sell them. Personally, I like the scent and feel of Eden’s Garden. Visit Amazon for price. Allow yourself to soak in the tub for 20–30 minutes. Not too long, otherwise your skin will wrinkle. The idea is to relax and unwind — but not fall asleep. ## 6. Rinse Off When your time in the tub is over, it’s time to rinse off. This means letting the tub drain for a bit and then standing up to shower again. There’s no need to use a body wash again. Instead, let warm water stream from your showerhead all over. Because you used a face mask, it might be a good idea to have a clean washcloth nearby to remove any excess clay. ## 7. Moisturize Your Body Step out of the shower and pat yourself dry with a towel. Then reach for your favorite body moisturizer. I’m a big fan of Eucerin skin-calming lotion. It does a fantastic job of locking in moisture and doesn’t feel greasy. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4w0tDE1). Once that’s done, it’s time to focus on your face. ![skin care system for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/tiege-hanley.jpg?resize=300%2C100&ssl=1) ## 8. Moisturize Your Face The product you put on your body will likely be different than what you apply to your face. Knowing your facial skin type is super important. I’ve made choosing the right cream easy for you. See this post on [the top face moisturizing creams for men](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) for powerful tips. If you aren’t sure which product to pick, or have combination skin, consider the Tiege Hanley Skin Care System. You can [read my review here](https://guycounseling.com/tiege-hanley-review/). ## 9. Clip Your Nails While not the same as a manicure or pedicure, your hands and feet need some amount of attention. The easiest thing to do is use clippers and trim down your nails. Some men like to massage their feet as part of this step. I’ll leave this up to you and simply say you might find it to be a pleasant experience. ## 10. Time to Meditate Once you’ve completed the previous steps, it’s time to meditate. You can do this anywhere that feels most relaxing to you, like the living room couch or your bed. One approach to consider is a guided meditation in the form of [autogenic training (AT)](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-podcast-autogenic-training/). A true mind-and-body experience, AT promotes harmony and inner peace. I’ve created a recording that you can listen to with a simple pair of earbuds — no need to download anything. Simply click on the MP3 below. ## Level Up: Trending At-Home Spa Add-Ons The core 10 steps above still hold up as a complete spa routine on their own. But if you want to build on it, a few newer wellness trends layer in well without much extra cost or effort. ### Cold Plunge or Contrast Showers You don’t need a $5,000 cold plunge tub to get the benefits. Finishing your shower with 30–60 seconds of cold water, or alternating hot and cold in short bursts, is enough to trigger the same alertness and mood boost people chase with dedicated plunge tubs. It works well right after step 6 (rinsing off) if you want an energizing finish rather than a purely mellow one. ### Red Light Therapy Red light therapy panels and masks have gone from professional dermatology offices to affordable at-home devices in the last few years. Used for a few minutes on clean skin — right after your face mask, before you moisturize — they’re worth considering if you want to build a slightly more premium element into the routine. ### Sauna Blankets A portable infrared sauna blanket is one of the more realistic ways to get sauna-style heat at home without construction or a standalone unit. If you have the budget and the space to store one, it pairs naturally with step 10 — sweat it out, then move straight into meditation once you towel off. ### The Digital Detox Rule The phone-in-another-room advice from step 2 deserves to be its own mini-ritual. Before you start, put your phone on airplane mode (not just silent — silent still buzzes for some notifications) and treat the next 30–45 minutes as genuinely unreachable time. This one change does more for the “emotional oasis” effect than any product on this list. ## At-Home Spa For Men Wrap Up Your at-home spa should give you the opportunity to relax and restore. Think of it as a chance to rejuvenate your mind and body while repairing damaged skin. The steps mentioned above should be considered flexible, not set in stone. Think of them as ideas you can draw on to create what feels right for you. Consider using this guide as a gift idea if you’re in a relationship and want to create something special for your partner. You can always throw in a massage as part of the experience. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope the suggestions here were helpful! **Related Articles:** [Top colognes for men made simple](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) [A man’s guide to facial care products](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/) [The best anti-aging products for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) ## Frequently Asked Questions ### How long should a home spa session take? Plan for 60 to 90 minutes if you’re going through the full 10-step routine, including bath soak time. You can shorten it to 20–30 minutes by skipping the bath and sticking to shower, mask, and moisturizer if you’re short on time. ### Is a home spa actually good for men’s mental health? Yes. Setting aside dedicated, uninterrupted time to slow down has real stress-reduction value, separate from any skincare benefit. It functions similarly to other self-care practices therapists often recommend as part of a broader stress-management routine. ### What temperature should a home bath be? Around 92°F is a commonly cited comfortable range for a relaxation-focused soak — warm enough to relax muscles without being so hot it raises your heart rate or dries out your skin. ### Can I do a home spa without buying any products? Yes. A warm bath, some quiet music, your phone in another room, and a few minutes of meditation cover the core of the experience. The candles, scrubs, and masks add to it, but they’re not required to get the stress-relief benefit. ### How often should I do an at-home spa? Once a week is a reasonable target for most guys — often enough to build the habit, without needing to buy products constantly. Even a stripped-down, 20-minute version once a week is better than an elaborate one you only do twice a year. References: Jenny H. Panchal (2014) Perceived Benefits of Spa Experiences: Tourist Insights from the Blogosphere, *International Journal of Tourism Sciences*. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Mind **Tags:** at-home spa day, bathroom spa oasis, facial masks for men, grooming for men, home relaxation ideas, home spa for men, men's self-care routine, men's skincare guide, mental health wellness, stress relief for men --- ### [Dreams About Sharks: Meaning, Symbolism and Common Scenarios](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-sharks-interpreted/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![shark in the water - dreams about sharks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/dreams-about-sharks-shark-in-water.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams about sharks — what do they mean? Table of Contents Toggle - [Dreams About Sharks Explained](#Dreams_About_Sharks_Explained) - [Quick Background and Bio](#Quick_Background_and_Bio) - [What Is Jungian Psychology?](#What_Is_Jungian_Psychology) - [What Do Dreams About Sharks Mean?](#What_Do_Dreams_About_Sharks_Mean) - [Spiritual Meaning of Sharks](#Spiritual_Meaning_of_Sharks) - [Biblical Meaning of Sharks](#Biblical_Meaning_of_Sharks) - [Factors Influencing Shark Symbolism](#Factors_Influencing_Shark_Symbolism) - [Shark Dreams Interpreted](#Shark_Dreams_Interpreted) - [Sharks in the Ocean](#Sharks_in_the_Ocean) - [What Do Sharks in a Swimming Pool Mean?](#What_Do_Sharks_in_a_Swimming_Pool_Mean) - [What Do Shark Dreams Mean When You’re Pregnant?](#What_Do_Shark_Dreams_Mean_When_Youre_Pregnant) - [What Do Dreams About Sharks in the Sky Mean?](#What_Do_Dreams_About_Sharks_in_the_Sky_Mean) - [What Is the Meaning of Shark Attack Dreams?](#What_Is_the_Meaning_of_Shark_Attack_Dreams) - [What Do Shark Teeth Mean in Dreams?](#What_Do_Shark_Teeth_Mean_in_Dreams) - [What Is the Meaning of a Shark Bite in Dreams?](#What_Is_the_Meaning_of_a_Shark_Bite_in_Dreams) - [What Does It Mean to Dream About Catching or Killing a Shark?](#What_Does_It_Mean_to_Dream_About_Catching_or_Killing_a_Shark) - [Do Shark Sizes Mean Anything?](#Do_Shark_Sizes_Mean_Anything) - [Shark Colors Explained](#Shark_Colors_Explained) - [What Do Different Kinds of Sharks Mean in Dreams?](#What_Do_Different_Kinds_of_Sharks_Mean_in_Dreams) - [Other Shark Dream Meanings](#Other_Shark_Dream_Meanings) - [Why You Need a Dream Diary](#Why_You_Need_a_Dream_Diary) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [What does it mean to dream about a shark chasing you?](#What_does_it_mean_to_dream_about_a_shark_chasing_you) - [Is dreaming about sharks always a bad sign?](#Is_dreaming_about_sharks_always_a_bad_sign) - [What does a great white shark in a dream mean?](#What_does_a_great_white_shark_in_a_dream_mean) - [Do shark dreams mean something different for pregnant women?](#Do_shark_dreams_mean_something_different_for_pregnant_women) - [Should I be worried if I keep having shark dreams?](#Should_I_be_worried_if_I_keep_having_shark_dreams) ## Dreams About Sharks Explained Are you having [dreams about sharks](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00107530.1998.10746357?journalCode=uucp20)? Trying to understand their meaning and symbolism? Did you dream about a shark biting you? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this post is all about what it means when you **dream about a shark**. As a psychology professor, I can’t tell you how many times this topic comes up during dream analysis discussions. Typically, it’s part of a broader conversation about the meaning of [fish in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/fish-dream-meaning/). **On this page, you will learn:** - The underlying meaning of sharks in dreams - The spiritual meaning of sharks - What dreams about sharks in the ocean mean - Why you dreamed about sharks in a swimming pool - An analysis of shark dreams during pregnancy - The meaning of sharks in the sky - Shark attacks in dreams - What shark bites mean in dreams - Why shark teeth appear in dreams - Catching or killing a shark explained - The significance of shark sizes - The color of different sharks - What different types of sharks mean **Shark Dream Themes at a Glance** | Dream Theme | Common Meaning | |---|---| | Shark in the ocean | Feeling vulnerable, or fear around a decision or relationship | | Shark in a swimming pool | A past issue resurfacing, or anxiety close to home | | Shark while pregnant | Worry about your baby’s health or a difficult pregnancy | | Shark in the sky | Anxiety about the future or the unknown | | Shark attack | Fear of harm to yourself or someone close to you | | Shark teeth | Often a positive omen — luck, wisdom, or victory | | Shark bite | Fear of betrayal or being exposed | | Catching or killing a shark | Overcoming a fear, health scare, or difficult situation | ![dreaming about sharks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/sharks-in-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sharks swimming in the sea ## Quick Background and Bio Before we dive too deep (no pun intended), you probably want to know what qualifies me to write this piece. I’ll keep it short and sweet. Below, I’ve highlighted my credentials. - I’m a licensed psychotherapist. - I’m a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist. - I hold a doctorate in psychology. - I teach university-level courses in personality psychology. In addition to the above, I’ve also received significant training on dream interpretation and hold a certificate in Jungian psychotherapy from The Zur Institute. When you have time, you can read more about [my background here](https://guycounseling.com/mens-expert-media-interviews/). That last bit of information regarding Jungian psychology is vital because it directly relates to why you’ve landed on this page — dream analysis. ## What Is Jungian Psychology? In a nutshell, *Jungian psychology*, often referred to as analytical psychology, is a branch of psychotherapy with origins linked to Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. A trailblazer for his time, Jung infused elements of the individual self with spirituality. Today, he is referred to by many as the Father of [Psycho-Spirituality](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1470654/) (Kilpatrick, 2006). I’m sharing this with you because we’re going to assess shark dreams using concepts from Jung, mixed in with scientific research and lore. Are you ready to learn more? Let’s jump right in! ## What Do Dreams About Sharks Mean? **When you see a shark in your dream, think predator.** In a primitive sense, your brain is wired to respond to sharks with fear. And for a good reason. Sharks are among the oldest creatures on the planet. They first appeared on the [geologic timescale](http://www.sharksavers.org/en/education/biology/450-million-years-of-sharks1/) around 450 million years ago, at the beginning of the Silurian period of the Paleozoic era (Shark Savers, 2019). We (meaning man) didn’t arrive on the scene until 66 million years later, giving sharks a 384-million-year jump on us. Through adaptation, many are skilled hunters with strange abilities that researchers don’t fully understand. An example of this can be found in the hammerhead shark — a fish that can [sense the electrical fields generated by other animals](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/fish/group/hammerhead-sharks/). Other types of sharks have a powerful sense of smell, with an ability to detect blood in the water from far away. While your early ancestors may not have known about the science, they instinctively knew to keep their distance all the same. Did you know the modern-day tiger shark is considered an [apex predator](http://www.himb.hawaii.edu/ReefPredator/Tiger%20Shark%20Research.htm)? It sure is. Apex predators are animals at the top of the food chain. ![dreaming about sharks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/dreams-about-sharks.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Spiritual meaning of sharks ## Spiritual Meaning of Sharks History is replete with stories about sharks, with many tales steeped in mythology. Here are a few examples: - Some native Hawaiians consider sharks to be sacred, believing their eyeballs give them special visual powers. - Many Native Indians believe sharks are a kind of spirit animal, sent to us from beyond to teach lessons about personal power and independence. - Ancient druids believed sharks symbolized wisdom and intelligence. - Pagans of the middle ages believed that sharks were a symbol of death. ## Biblical Meaning of Sharks If you are Christian, you may be curious about the biblical meaning of sharks. Here are a few examples: - Some Christians believe that sharks represent the manifestation of the devil. - Others believe sharks are water-based demons and therefore unclean. - In the metaphoric sense, several Christians have used sharks to symbolize the sinner who is still worthy of God’s graces. See [Ephesians 4:7-16](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+4%3A7-16&version=NIV). ## Factors Influencing Shark Symbolism How you perceive sharks largely affects their meaning in your dreams. In other words, how you feel about them while you’re awake crosses over to your subconscious while sleeping. For example, does the sight of a great white shark scare the crap out of you? Do you think cow sharks are cute? Are you mesmerized by angel sharks? Knowing your emotional response to these creatures will help determine what they mean in your dreams. So, I encourage you right now to take a moment and ask yourself: **How do I feel about sharks?** ![circling sharks in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/swimming-sharks.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sharks and dreams analyzed ## Shark Dreams Interpreted Now it’s time to explore the different ways sharks can manifest in dreams. Again, it’s super important to assess your reactions to these types of fish before assigning meaning. In the psychological sense, **dreams about sharks can represent something about your emotional state in the here and now**. An example might be fear or uncertainty. But they can also signify something positive, like being a survivor or moving past a dark and challenging period. Finally, your cultural beliefs can also impact the meaning of dreams. For example, if you belong to a [west coast Indian tribe](http://www.native-languages.org/legends-shark.htm), you may believe that seeing a shark close to shore is an omen for a hurricane or typhoon. Here are several prevalent themes of sharks in dreams. Do any of these resonate? ### Sharks in the Ocean If you have a **dream about sharks** swimming in the sea, it could symbolize the following: - Feeling vulnerable to something that threatens your happiness. - A subconscious fear around a decision you need to make. - Fears about becoming emotionally or physically involved with a romantic interest. - Worries that you are being set up for failure. - Concerns that someone is after you and wants to do you harm. - Anxiety around dying, usually accompanied [by dreams about death](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/). ![dream about a shark in a pool](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/shark-in-the-pool.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Did you dream about a shark in a pool? ### What Do Sharks in a Swimming Pool Mean? If you had a dream about a shark (or sharks) in a swimming pool, there are multiple possible meanings. Here is what it could mean: - Worries about someone you love being in a vulnerable situation. - Concerns about something unexpected happening. - A subconscious fear of water. - Deeply rooted fears about something from the past coming back to bite you. - Anxiety around a planned trip or vacation. - Apprehension about a toxic family member or close friend. - [Someone you are crushing on](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) turning out to be dangerous. - A belief that you don’t look good in a swimsuit and that others will “eat you alive” and humiliate you. - A message from the unconscious suggesting you have a problem with alcohol \[[see alcohol and depression post](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/)\]. - A threat to your happiness or the happiness of someone you love. - A subconscious fear of success at work or school. - Anxiety about money \[[see dreams about money](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-money-decoded/)\]. ### What Do Shark Dreams Mean When You’re Pregnant? Women who are pregnant sometimes have dreams about sharks. If this theme is popping up while you’re asleep, it could mean: - Pregnancy worries and concerns over your baby’s health. - A belief the wrong person impregnated you. - Concerns that your baby will be overly aggressive. - A secret wish that your child will [be an alpha male](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/). - A worry that your baby will grow up to attack you. - Symbolic of a difficult pregnancy. - Worries that something or someone will devour your child’s happiness. - An indication that your baby needs more protein. ![shark in the sky in a dream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/shark-in-the-sky.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sharks in the sky ### What Do Dreams About Sharks in the Sky Mean? You may be having odd dreams about sharks appearing in the sky. Some people report seeing them swimming across the horizon or resting on a cloud. Here is what these types of dreams might mean: - Symbolic of spiritual growth, because fish represent your spiritual side \[[see Pisces personality](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)\]. - Worries about flying or getting on a plane. - A subconscious fear of heights or open spaces. - A manifestation of anxiety about the future. - A mental reminder of a risk you are taking. - Nervousness about the unknown, accompanied by a fear of embarrassment. - Something exciting is missing from your life. - The manifestation of an aggressive personality. - A desire to be challenged either mentally or emotionally. - A secret wish to be independent and single while in a relationship with another. - A symbol that you need shark cartilage to combat joint problems. ![dreams about being attacked by a shark](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/shark-attack-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What shark attack dreams mean ### What Is the Meaning of Shark Attack Dreams? Did a shark attack you in your dream? Did you see a big one, like from the movie *Jaws*, attack someone you love? If so, your dream was extraordinary. Some cultures believe shark attack dreams are sent from the spirit world to warn us of pending danger. Others believe when you dream about someone being attacked by a shark, like a family member or friend, it is a harbinger of death (Betts, Blair, & Black, 2012). One thing is for sure — we know these types of dreams are rare and therefore deserve special consideration. Here’s what it could mean: - Deeply rooted fears about someone close to you being harmed. - An emotional scar from the past that has resurfaced in the here and now. - A manifestation of a specific phobia related to water or sea creatures. - A feeling like someone is circling in on you and going for the kill. - Anxiety around a sports competition and loss. - You are afraid of being caught doing something wrong that may have terrible consequences. - A mental projection from the subconscious linked to guilt about something you’ve done. - Long-held fears around feeling exposed or vulnerable to judgment. - A foreboding symbol that a family member will soon die. - You will be busted by your supervisor for lying. - The subconscious manifestation of impostor syndrome. ![shark teeth in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/shark-teeth.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What dreams about shark teeth mean ### What Do Shark Teeth Mean in Dreams? Did you see shark teeth in your dream? Was it a single tooth or an open jaw of teeth? If the answer is yes, I have some good news for you. The ancients tell us that **seeing shark teeth in dreams is almost always symbolic of something good**. Here is what it could mean: - Encouragement from the deep recesses of your mind to lean into your psychic abilities. - A conduit to channel supernatural powers. - A sign that good luck is coming your way in the form of money, a new romance, or a job. - An indication that you should include the number three in your next lottery purchase because shark teeth have a triarchic shape. - A powerful symbol that you will meet a water sign soon, [like a Scorpio man](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/). - Your triumph over a threatening situation. - Seeing one tooth means you are struggling with someone who has a sharp tongue. - An open jaw of shark teeth symbolizes your victory over an enemy. - A physical symbol of wisdom passed on from your spirit guide. - A visual reminder to keep your promise to keep a secret. - Worries that a [first gay experience](https://guycounseling.com/25-first-gay-experiences-stories-true/) may be revealed. ### What Is the Meaning of a Shark Bite in Dreams? Did you dream a shark bit you? Was your leg bitten off or perhaps your hand? After the attack, did you immediately wake up? Whenever your mind produces imagery of a predator biting you, it’s an indication of someone or something that you fear. Possible meanings: - A family member will betray your trust. - Your partner will cheat on you. - [Getting caught cheating](https://guycounseling.com/cheating-husband-healing/) on your girlfriend or boyfriend. - Being double-crossed at work by your boss or a coworker. - A psychological replay of past trauma. - Apprehension about some aspect of your personality being seen by others. - Feeling vulnerable, particularly if the shark bites you in the bathtub. - Subconscious anxiety around body weight and overeating. ![dreams about killing a shark](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/killing-a-shark-in-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Killing a shark in a dream meaning ### What Does It Mean to Dream About Catching or Killing a Shark? Did your dream involve catching a shark? Did you kill one with some type of device? Many people experience this dream scenario. Should you experience this type of imagery, consider it a sign of good luck. Here is what it could mean: - Your victory over a health scare. - A loved one is finally healing from something life-threatening. - A spiritual symbol of strength and courage. - A sign from the spirit world that something positive and life-changing is about to happen. - A visual representation of your sexual energy. - The projection of a fear you have overcome and conquered. - Your ability to defeat an enemy. ## Do Shark Sizes Mean Anything? You may be wondering if the size of a shark means anything. According to some psychological constructs, it may. Here is what it could mean: - Large sharks symbolize significant life problems. - Medium sharks represent short-term challenges. - Small or tiny sharks suggest minor issues that have been with you for a long time. ## Shark Colors Explained If you’re like many dreamers, you probably saw different colors of sharks. But does this mean anything? In the psycho-spiritual sense, the answer is yes. Here is what it could mean: - Blue sharks represent fear. - Green sharks symbolize health. - A yellow shark is symbolic of your soul. - A black shark represents death or a [dead person](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/). - Orange sharks represent life and energy. - If you see a [shark with green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/), it’s a sign of wisdom. - A [blue-eyed shark](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) symbolizes clarity and intelligence. - Sharks that are grey relate to childhood fears. - Sharks with black eyes are symbolic of evil. ## What Do Different Kinds of Sharks Mean in Dreams? There are more types of sharks in the oceans than I can list on this page. That said, the kind of shark you saw may hold meaning. Here are some possibilities: - Sand sharks symbolize someone smart and cunning in your life. - Great white sharks represent a person or thing you genuinely fear. - Bull sharks are symbolic of a bully or someone nasty. - Hammerhead sharks are thematic of someone stubborn. - Nurse sharks represent a caretaker (i.e., parents). - Sandtiger sharks are symbolic of someone aggressive at work. - Zebra sharks symbolize diverse thinking. ## Other Shark Dream Meanings Dream interpretation and analysis have always been subjective. In truth, nobody has a corner on precisely what any dream means. When exploring your subconscious, I encourage you to look at the big picture and focus on themes. Remember, a dream can’t be taken literally. For example, [dreams about being chased or hiding](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) often relate to anxiety and not a person. That said, there are several possibilities to consider when focusing on shark dreams: - Worries you have about the future. - Concerns about the safety of someone you love. - Fear about being in open water. - Some aspect of your personality you don’t like. - An addiction to a substance or behavior that you are struggling to overcome. Drugs, alcohol, and gambling are examples. - A phobia about being bitten by an animal, like a rat ([see what dreams about rats mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/)). - A mental replay of a traumatic event from your past. ## Why You Need a Dream Diary The best way for you to understand your dreams is to keep a dream diary. Think of this as a tool you can call on to quickly record imagery and events. The diary you create can be as fancy or as basic as you’d like. Many people use a cheap notebook pad and a pen. In the final analysis, what the diary looks like doesn’t matter. What you write inside, however, does. In addition to keeping a diary, it may also help you to pick up a book related to dream symbolism. I always encourage people to buy the *Complete Dictionary of Dreams* by Lennox ([visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2nfurnZ)). This resource is packed with insights that you can use to decipher all the things you see in dreams. ## Bringing It All Together Dreams about sharks can be scary. But they can also be mesmerizing. Hopefully, the material shared on this page has helped you see the different possibilities. Remember, **what you see in dreams is mostly influenced by how you perceive the object**. Additionally, your emotional state should be factored into the equation. Finally, taking certain types of medications can cause nightmares. Are you taking drugs? Thanks for stopping by. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What does it mean to dream about a shark chasing you? Being chased by a shark typically points to something you’re avoiding in waking life — a decision, a conversation, or a fear you haven’t confronted yet. The chase itself often matters more than the shark: it’s a signal that avoidance is starting to feel urgent. ### Is dreaming about sharks always a bad sign? No. While sharks often symbolize fear or vulnerability, several shark dream themes — like shark teeth, or catching and killing a shark — are traditionally seen as positive omens tied to luck, victory, or overcoming a difficult situation. ### What does a great white shark in a dream mean? Great whites tend to represent a person or situation you genuinely fear, given their reputation as one of the ocean’s most formidable predators. Pay attention to what or who comes to mind first when you wake up. ### Do shark dreams mean something different for pregnant women? Often, yes. Pregnancy-related shark dreams tend to center on worry for the baby’s health and safety, or anxiety about the pregnancy itself, rather than the broader fear-of-predator themes seen in other shark dreams. ### Should I be worried if I keep having shark dreams? Recurring dreams usually mean your subconscious is circling back to an unresolved feeling or situation rather than signaling anything is wrong with you. If the dreams are frequent enough to disrupt your sleep or cause ongoing distress, that’s worth bringing up with a therapist. **References** Betts, M., Blair, S., & Black, D. (2012). Perspectivism, Mortuary Symbolism, and Human-Shark Relationships on the Maritime Peninsula. *American Antiquity*, 621–645. Kilpatrick, S. (2006). *The Psychospiritual Clinician’s Handbook: Alternative Methods for Understanding and Treating Mental Disorders.* Binghamton, New York: Haworth Press. Shark Savers. (2019). *450 million years of sharks*. Retrieved from Shark Savers: http://www.sharksavers.org/en/education/biology/450-million-years-of-sharks1/ **Photo Credits:** Main picture: Deposit Photos. Others downloaded from Pixabay.com, Pexels.com, and YouTube. **Related Posts** [What dreams about snakes mean](https://guycounseling.com/snake-means-symbolizes-dreams/) [What dreams about fighting mean](https://guycounseling.com/fighting-dreams-decoded/) **Categories:** Growth, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Analysis, Dream Interpretation, Fish, Shark, Sharks --- ### [10 Best Bass Fishing Lures for Catching More Fish](https://guycounseling.com/bass-fishing-lures/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bass fishing tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/bass-fishing-tips.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Suggestions for Best Bass Fishing Lures There are thousands upon thousands of bass lures currently on the market, and new designs come out each year. With such a flood of options, the challenge becomes sorting out the gimmicks from the fish-catching essentials they all claim to be. This is particularly true when it comes to [bass fishing hacks](https://guycounseling.com/bass-fishing-tips/). To help you stock your tackle box with only the best, this article introduces you to ten tried-and-true bass fishing lures that will catch fish in practically any body of water in the country. **10 Lures at a Glance** - Crankbait — Rapala Scatter Rap - Deep Diving Crankbait — Strike King 10XD - Spinnerbait — Booyah Pond Magic - Bass Jig — Terminator Weedless Football Jig - Chatterbait — Z-Man Original Chatterbait - Bass Worm — Yamamoto Senko Worm - Creature Bait — Zoom Brush Hog - Swimbait — Spro BBZ Swimbait Rainbow Trout - Topwater Plug — Zara Spook - Frog Lure — Spro Bronzeye Frog 65 ## 1. Best Crankbait — Rapala Scatter Rap Every bass angler needs a go-to crankbait. And while the Original Rapala is still a highly effective lure, the innovative Rapala Scatter Rap has a more lifelike action in the water that’s been helping put bass in the boat for both professional and recreational anglers alike. Featuring a new lip design, the Scatter Rap has a distinctly erratic action in the water, moving in broad, jerky sweeps from side to side. It looks just like a fleeing baitfish when worked along the bottom, igniting predatory responses in any nearby largemouth. Tie on a Rapala Scatter Rap anytime you need to cover lots of water to find fish. There are several models available with different body styles and lip lengths to reach various depths. Try out a few in your favorite colors, and don’t be surprised if your old crankbaits quickly fall out of favor. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2s5K02o). ## 2. Best Deep Diving Crankbait — Strike King 10XD Sometimes you need to go deeper than a standard crankbait will allow. But what if the fish are holding at depths even the deepest-diving crankbait can’t reach? Normally, you’d have to switch to a heavier lure — like a weighted jig. But now, you can simply tie on the Strike King 10XD, one of the all-time deepest-diving crankbaits on the market. Thanks to a huge lip, the Strike King 10XD reaches depths of up to 25 feet or more. It also has an internal weight transfer system that makes it possible to cast the lure farther. What’s more, upon splashdown, the 10XD has a super steep dive angle, so it wastes no time getting to the bottom where the fish are. Keep in mind, however, that the Strike King 10XD is a very large crankbait — over six inches long — so use it only when you’re targeting the biggest bass. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2u36v9l). ## 3. Best Spinnerbait — Booyah Pond Magic Overhead blade-style spinnerbaits are very effective lures, producing lots of flash and water movement to draw bass in from far away. However, many spinnerbaits run big, bulky, and in-your-face. But what if you want the same attractive qualities of a spinnerbait in a more subtle package? Enter the Booyah Pond Magic. More of a finesse lure, the Booyah Pond Magic — as its name implies — is designed for fishing smaller waters such as farm ponds, where monstrous flashy baits aren’t needed. It has tandem blades that flutter and flash just enough to entice a strike, and it covers the entire water column, so simply cast it out and let it sink to reach your desired depth. Reel slowly and let the lure work its, well, magic. If all goes well, you’ll feel a solid “thump!” at the end of your line. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2unPUMU). ## 4. Best Bass Jig — Terminator Weedless Football Jig Pitching and flipping heavy skirted jigs into thick cover is one of the best ways to target big bass hunkered down tight. While there are many jigs that will work for this application, the Terminator Weedless Football Jig is by far the best. The Terminator has an improved football head design that’s significantly more snag-resistant than other jig heads. The unique shape of the head helps keep the jig from getting wedged between rocks or logs, and it features a recessed line tie-in point to further reduce snags. To keep the lure even more weed-free while also increasing hook-set efficacy, the head is designed to keep the hook riding up at a 30-degree angle while resting on the bottom. Flip the Terminator into a brush pile, let it settle to the bottom until your line goes slack, and keep a firm grip on that rod! You can buy these at many bait and tackle shops or [check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2uoaZXQ). ## 5. Best Chatterbait — Z-Man Original Chatterbait Sometimes, when finesse techniques won’t cut it, you need to go big, flashy, and loud. You need a chatterbait. While there are many innovative chatterbaits available, the Original Z-Man Chatterbait is something every angler should have in their tackle box. Essentially a mix of a spinnerbait, a crankbait, and a jig, the Z-Man Original Chatterbait uses a hex-shaped blade to produce a substantial vibration you can feel through your rod grip. The fish feel the vibration too, using their lateral lines to locate the source of the frequencies. For this reason, the Z-Man Chatterbait is one of the best lures when searching large swaths of open water to find fish — many times, the fish will come to you. [Check Amazon’s current price](http://amzn.to/2sqP6Fy). ## 6. Best Bass Worm — Senko Worm As one of the all-time classics, few bass lures can compete with the pure deadliness of a soft plastic worm fished nice and slow. Among the seemingly endless bass worm options, the Gary Yamamoto Senko Worm is undoubtedly the best — even though it doesn’t look like much on the shelf. What the Senko Worm lacks in style, it more than makes up for in performance. Made of a softer-than-usual plastic, as soon as it hits the water it starts wriggling and vibrating without stopping. It’s also extremely slow-falling thanks to a high dose of salt in the plastic. The Senko Worm is available in over 75 color options and several lengths, with the 5-inch being most popular. Rig it Texas-style, cast it to some likely cover, and work it with a simple lift-and-drop retrieve. Take your time with the Senko Worm and be ready to set the hook at any moment. [Amazon carries these](http://amzn.to/2u2ZTYF). ## 7. Best Creature Bait — Zoom Brush Hog The Zoom Brush Hog is like the double bacon cheeseburger of soft plastic bass lures. It’s what you throw when it’s time to feed a hefty bass a full-sized meal. With tails, arms, and wings, the Zoom Brush Hog moves a ton of water and produces lots of movement when worked on a Carolina rig. As an extremely versatile bait, you can use a Brush Hog anytime you know you want to cast something juicy but aren’t sure what to use. Available at many sporting goods stores and [online via Amazon](http://amzn.to/2s619cb). ## 8. Best Swimbait — Spro BBZ Swimbait Rainbow Trout If you fish bodies of water stocked with rainbow trout, you’ll want at least a couple of the Spro BBZ Swimbaits. These jumbo-sized hard baits are designed to imitate stocker rainbows, a favorite food of largemouth bass. The eight-inch body of the Spro BBZ is segmented and joined with pins, balanced to produce lifelike swimming action when retrieved. The fins and tail are made of color-matched soft plastic for even better action. Available in three versions — floating, slow-sinking, and fast-sinking — the Spro BBZ lures were designed to be fished as a system, using the appropriate version to target different sections of the water column. One of the most appealing aspects of the Spro BBZ is its price. While most large swimbaits run anywhere from $75 to over $300, the Spro BBZ comes in around $45 at many sporting goods stores. So yes, it’s a lot to spend on a lure, but when you’re hauling in bass after bass, that price tag will be the last thing on your mind. Check around for pricing, [including Amazon](http://amzn.to/2s6mwdm). ## 9. Best Topwater Plug — Zara Spook Watching a bucketmouth smash a topwater lure is intoxicating — especially when you’re “walking the dog.” The “walk-the-dog” retrieve, in which the lure is walked across the surface with a distinct side-to-side action, was developed with the release of the Heddon Zara Spook in 1939. Since then, the lure hasn’t changed much and remains the quintessential topwater plug that has inspired countless copycats. Fishing the Zara Spook “walk-the-dog” style is best done in relatively open water when you want to draw fish in from far away. The technique takes some practice — at first your arms might ache, but once you get it down you won’t want to stop. Many bait and tackle shops carry this lure. [See Amazon for a great price](http://amzn.to/2sqKVtK). ## 10. Best Frog Lure for Bass — Spro Bronzeye Frog 65 Bass eat the heck out of frogs, treating patches of lily pads as their personal buffet line. While there are many frog lure variations available, one of the most well-designed is the Spro Bronzeye Frog 65, developed by professional bass angler Dean Rojas. Rojas designed the body of the frog to take advantage of Gamakatsu’s highly praised EWG Double Frog Hook. The hook points ride up and rest flush against the soft plastic body of the frog, making the lure virtually snag-free. The frog is also specifically weighted to land on its belly consistently. When a fish bites, the soft plastic body squishes in and the double hook penetrates the fish’s lip. The Spro Bronzeye Frog 65 was also designed with a slightly longer body than most, making the walk-the-dog retrieve easier. Plus, the Bronzeye is available in many colors — not just green — to imitate baitfish in addition to frogs. If you’re looking for a versatile topwater lure to add to your collection, this is it. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2sl2m3L). ## How to Pick a Lure Color by Water Clarity Even the best lure in the world underperforms if the color doesn’t match the water you’re fishing. A simple rule of thumb that covers most situations: - **Clear water:** Go natural and subtle — translucent, shad, or baitfish patterns that mimic what bass actually see day to day. Bright, unnatural colors tend to spook fish in clear conditions rather than trigger a strike. - **Stained water:** Brighter, more contrast-heavy colors like chartreuse, firetiger, or white help bass spot the lure without it looking out of place. - **Muddy water:** Go bold and dark. Solid black, junebug, or dark red/brown patterns create a strong silhouette bass can find even when visibility is just a few inches. When in doubt, start natural and only go brighter or darker if you’re not getting bites after a reasonable amount of time working the water. ## Building a Starter Tackle Box If you’re just getting into bass fishing and don’t want to buy one of everything, the ten lures above actually make a solid, well-rounded starter kit on their own. But if you’re narrowing it down further, prioritize in this order: - **1. A soft plastic worm** (like the Senko) — the most forgiving, most versatile bait to learn on - **2. A spinnerbait** — covers water fast and works in a wide range of conditions - **3. A crankbait** — teaches you to read depth and structure - **4. A topwater plug** — for the most exciting strikes, and a great way to learn timing - **5. A jig** — once you’re comfortable fishing heavier cover Round out the box from there as you figure out what kind of water you fish most often. ## Now Go Get Your Catch On Bass fishing can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make it. And the best part is, there’s no single right way to go about it. As long as you’re casting proven fish-catching lures in fishy-looking spots, you’re bound to hook into something good! ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What’s the single best all-around bass lure for beginners? A soft plastic worm like the Senko is hard to beat for beginners. It’s nearly weedless when rigged Texas-style, forgiving of imperfect technique, and effective in almost any water condition. ### What lure color should I use in muddy water? Go bold and dark — solid black, junebug, or dark red/brown patterns create a strong silhouette bass can detect even with just a few inches of visibility. ### How deep do I need to fish for bass? It depends on water temperature and time of year, but bass often hold anywhere from a few feet to 20+ feet deep. Start shallow and work deeper if you’re not getting bites, or use a deep-diving crankbait like the Strike King 10XD to cover the lower end of that range quickly. ### What’s the difference between a chatterbait and a spinnerbait? A spinnerbait uses spinning metal blades for flash and vibration. A chatterbait uses a single vibrating blade attached directly to the head, giving it a tighter wobble and a different, often louder vibration that can trigger strikes when a spinnerbait doesn’t. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Bass Fishing, Bass Fishing Lures, Best Fishing Lures, Fishing Tips, Guy Skills, Largemouth Bass --- ### [Aquarius Man Personality Traits: Love, Dating and Compatibility](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![Aquarius man love, dating and compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/aquarius-man.jpg?resize=600%2C450&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Aquarius Man: Personality Traits + Compatibility](#Aquarius_Man_Personality_Traits_Compatibility) - [Aquarius Love Personality Revealed](#Aquarius_Love_Personality_Revealed) - [Aquarius Astrology Zodiac: January 20 – February 18](#Aquarius_Astrology_Zodiac_January_20_%E2%80%93_February_18) - [Aquarius Positive Traits:](#Aquarius_Positive_Traits) - [Aquarius Negative Traits:](#Aquarius_Negative_Traits) - [Aquarius Man Personality Traits](#Aquarius_Man_Personality_Traits) - [1. Aquarius Sign Symbol Origin](#1_Aquarius_Sign_Symbol_Origin) - [Aquarius Man: Ruling Planets](#Aquarius_Man_Ruling_Planets) - [The Three Aquarius Decans](#The_Three_Aquarius_Decans) - [2. Aquarius Autonomy](#2_Aquarius_Autonomy) - [3. Aquarius as Friends](#3_Aquarius_as_Friends) - [4. Aquarius Personality and Temperament](#4_Aquarius_Personality_and_Temperament) - [5. Aquarius Career](#5_Aquarius_Career) - [6. Aquarius Psychological Traits](#6_Aquarius_Psychological_Traits) - [7. Aquarius Summed Up](#7_Aquarius_Summed_Up) - [8. What’s It Like to Date an Aquarius Man?](#8_Whats_It_Like_to_Date_an_Aquarius_Man) - [8.1 If you’re a woman desiring an Aquarius man, keep the following in mind:](#81_If_youre_a_woman_desiring_an_Aquarius_man_keep_the_following_in_mind) - [9. What’s It Like to Date an Aquarius Woman?](#9_Whats_It_Like_to_Date_an_Aquarius_Woman) - [9.1 If you’re dating an Aquarius woman, keep the following in mind:](#91_If_youre_dating_an_Aquarius_woman_keep_the_following_in_mind) - [Aquarius Man Texting and Communication Style](#Aquarius_Man_Texting_and_Communication_Style) - [Signs an Aquarius Man Likes You](#Signs_an_Aquarius_Man_Likes_You) - [10. What’s Sex Like With Aquarius?](#10_Whats_Sex_Like_With_Aquarius) - [11. Aquarius Sensual Spots](#11_Aquarius_Sensual_Spots) - [12. How Do I Attract an Aquarius?](#12_How_Do_I_Attract_an_Aquarius) - [13. Aquarius Compatibility and Love](#13_Aquarius_Compatibility_and_Love) - [14. Famous Aquarius People](#14_Famous_Aquarius_People) - [15. Aquarius Fun Facts](#15_Aquarius_Fun_Facts) - [16. Aquarius Health Issues](#16_Aquarius_Health_Issues) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [What are an Aquarius man’s biggest turn-offs?](#What_are_an_Aquarius_mans_biggest_turn-offs) - [Is an Aquarius man loyal?](#Is_an_Aquarius_man_loyal) - [How do you know if an Aquarius man is falling for you?](#How_do_you_know_if_an_Aquarius_man_is_falling_for_you) - [What’s the best zodiac match for an Aquarius man?](#Whats_the_best_zodiac_match_for_an_Aquarius_man) - [Do Aquarius men fall in love easily?](#Do_Aquarius_men_fall_in_love_easily) ## Aquarius Man: Personality Traits + Compatibility Are you looking for **Aquarius man personality traits** and **compatibility** information? Are you hoping to find out if your Aquarius love horoscope includes information about dating, relationships, characteristics, and temperament? If so, you’ve come to the right place. While you may read other information elsewhere on the web about the Aquarius zodiac sign, much of what you’ll come across isn’t grounded in astronomy, astrology, or ancient spiritual teachings. ## Aquarius Love Personality Revealed Visitors of this site know that I often write about things that touch upon spirituality in ways that border on the supernatural. But if you believe in the construct of [psycho-spiritualism](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1046/j.1440-1630.2003.00358.x/abstract), it doesn’t take long to recognize that the essence of our humanity comes to us in different forms and pathways. What follows is a detailed breakdown of Aquarius, including information about this zodiac’s symbol. The material has been infused with teachings from the ancients, using Spirit Animal Guides as offered by Native Indian Tribes to highlight certain characteristics. And I want to be clear that I am not an “astrologer” or “psychic.” I am, however, someone who is attracted to the world of spirituality for reasons I don’t yet fully understand, which may be a result of being born under the [Scorpio zodiac sign](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/). Plus — I just like to write. In any event, at the end of this post I’ve published a poll that asks you to pick which personality trait best represents your **Aquarius personality**. Let’s jump right in! **Aquarius At a Glance** - Dates: January 20 – February 18 - Element: Air - Ruling Planets: Saturn and Uranus - Symbol: The Water Bearer - Most Compatible: Libra, Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius - Least Compatible: Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius ## Aquarius Astrology Zodiac: January 20 – February 18 ### Aquarius Positive Traits: - Outgoing - Open-Minded - Witty - Creative - Original - Autonomous - Free Thinker - Charming ### Aquarius Negative Traits: - Unemotional - Distant - Sarcastic - Arrogant - Rebellious - Socially Awkward ### Aquarius Man Personality Traits | Aquarius Male Trait | Positive | Negative | Strength of Trait | |---|---|---|---| | Open-minded | x | | High | | Charming | x | | High | | Rebellious | | x | Medium | | Distant | | x | Medium | | Sarcastic | | x | High | | Independent | x | | High | | Creative | x | | High | | Outgoing | x | | Medium | | Stability | x | | Medium | | Uninhibited | x | x | High | ![Aquarius sign symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/aquarius-sign-symbol.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1)Aquarius Sign Symbol ## 1. Aquarius Sign Symbol Origin When you see the Aquarius symbol, the sign is almost always represented by a “glyph” resembling water. Greek mythology (circa 550 BC) suggests the symbol itself is based on the story of Ganymede, a handsome young prince said to be the most beautiful in all of Hellenistic Troy. Ganymede was a servant to Zeus — king of Mount Olympus and of all the other Greek gods. As the legend goes, he was the “cup bearer” and was charged with fetching water and wine for Zeus whenever the mighty god wanted it. According to myth, Ganymede eventually got fed up with being Zeus’s servant and dumped all the ambrosia (wine, water, and so on) from Mount Olympus down to the earth. As the liquid fell, it caused massive flooding. The ancients believed this is the reason we have some of our rivers and lakes today. Zeus initially wanted to punish Ganymede but instead showed him mercy by making him immortal. Today, we see Aquarius in the night sky, nestled between the constellations Pisces and Cetus. ![Uranus and Saturn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Uranus-and-Saturn.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Uranus and Saturn rule Aquarius ### Aquarius Man: Ruling Planets Aquarian men (and women) are ruled by **Saturn and Uranus**. Based on ancient lore and teachings from the early Greeks, both planets are believed to deeply influence this sign. According to legend, **Uranus**, located some 1.6 billion miles from Earth, is responsible for freedom of expression, change, and the ability to conceptualize new possibilities. If you’ve ever met an Aquarius male, you know these words are emblematic of their personality. Aquarius’s other ruling planet, gas giant **Saturn**, located 746 million miles from where you are right now, was thought to be responsible for cosmic energy that empowers keen mental abilities, inventiveness, and intelligence. Think about Aquarius guys for a moment. Are these planetary characteristics not spot on — like 100% — for this sign? ### The Three Aquarius Decans Astrologers sometimes split each sign into three 10-day “decans,” each with its own secondary planetary influence layered on top of the sign’s core traits. Here’s the commonly used breakdown for Aquarius: - **Decan 1 (Jan 20–29):** Ruled by Saturn. This is the purest expression of Aquarius — rational, disciplined, and the most likely to come across as detached or aloof. - **Decan 2 (Jan 30–Feb 8):** Ruled by Mercury. Adds a quicker wit and more sociable streak — this Aquarius talks more freely and enjoys a lively debate. - **Decan 3 (Feb 9–18):** Ruled by Venus. Softens the sign’s usual detachment with more warmth, artistic sensibility, and relationship focus. Take this the way you’d take any astrological framework — as a lens for reflection, not a scientific claim. ## 2. Aquarius Autonomy People who fall under the Aquarius zodiac sign are highly autonomous individuals. While they work well with others, they don’t like being told what to do. People born under the 11th sign of the zodiac are considered an **air sign**. This means they like plenty of space to move about and don’t want to be restricted. The Aquarius motto is: “I know.” Out of all the astrological signs, Aquarius is one of the most rare. ## 3. Aquarius as Friends **Aquarius**-born people love to make others in their circle of friends laugh. Despite being detached and even aloof, Aquarius people have a “chip” that enables them to be extremely charming. That chip activates when they feel closeness to others. Known for spontaneity, people born under this air sign often “live in the moment” and have no problem coming up with something fun to do at the last minute. ## 4. Aquarius Personality and Temperament Aquarius-born individuals are naturally rebellious. These are the people who question the standard order of things, ask direct questions, and challenge those perceived to be carrying out an injustice. Many Aquarians have fixed opinions, which makes sense because this zodiac is considered “fixed” in astrology. What makes Aquarius people unique is their ability to absorb new information and synthesize it into something new. This isn’t always true of other fixed zodiac signs. ## 5. Aquarius Career The Aquarius-born person will naturally gravitate toward a number of professions, including teaching, social work, or a job that involves seeing the “big picture.” Because they tend to be progressive in nature, Aquarius can think outside the box in uncanny ways and challenge others to do the same. People born under the Aquarius zodiac sign are philosophers, theorists, and researchers. Their one challenge in the workplace relates to focusing on the mundane. Aquarius people need to be involved with things that hold their attention. If the work is boring or doesn’t offer any new insight, they can lose interest quickly. ![Aquarius zodiac sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/aquarius.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) ## 6. Aquarius Psychological Traits Aquarius people are constantly in search of new insight and wisdom. Because of their observant and logical nature, they have an uncanny ability to cut through emotional barriers about a given issue and speak the truth. Aquarius can do this in ways that often shock others. What’s interesting is that when these remarks are made, they’re usually dead on. Aquarius will say what everyone else is thinking but nobody else has the nerve to actually verbalize. A key psychological trait of Aquarius is their ability to get in touch with the existential and focus on the question “why?” This air sign is empowered by intellect rather than emotion, which is vastly different from other astrological signs. People born under the Aquarius zodiac sign are often described as “distant” and “aloof” because they use their intellect as a primary connector with the world around them, and their feelings second. While they want to fit in with others, they aren’t compelled to. In fact, Aquarius often adopts a “like me or not” attitude and won’t waste time trying to win another person over or gain their acceptance — very different from other signs of the zodiac. ![Aquarius is ruled by Saturn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saturn-capricorn.jpg?resize=640%2C350&ssl=1)Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Uranus ## 7. Aquarius Summed Up The Aquarius sign is empowered by the need to seek out wisdom. This is why so many people born under this air sign are independent, autonomous, and frankly super smart. These are individuals who often go against the grain and honestly couldn’t care less what others think about their approach to life. One interesting characteristic of Aquarius is their genuine ability to be alone. They’re perfectly content spending hours with themselves in pursuit of knowledge and insight. This isn’t to say Aquarius doesn’t like to socialize with others — this air sign can be very social. One of Aquarius’s positive traits is a non-judgmental view of others and the ability to adapt to new situations. If you were to tell an Aquarius that alien life forms were found on the planet Saturn (a ruling planet of Aquarius), they’d likely respond by saying, “Can you tell me everything you know about these creatures?” They’re **super curious** about how things work and how to make improvements. If you’re friends with or dating an Aquarius, know that this sign likes to shock others and can cause a spectacle. Aquarians have a deep and abiding respect for all life forms and love to be around animals. ## 8. What’s It Like to Date an Aquarius Man? Aquarius men are driven by intellectual stimulation. It doesn’t matter how attractive you are or how many people think of you as “hot” — if you don’t capture the intellectual attention of an Aquarius, very little is going to happen. If you’re another sign, such as Scorpio or Cancer, and think your sexual energy can somehow snag an Aquarius man, think again. ![Aquarius man personality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/man-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aquarius Man: A Closer Look The Aquarius man has a deep yearning for love, but because of his intellectual prowess, he has real trouble expressing emotions and feelings. This can act as a barrier to communication, particularly with other zodiac signs that thrive on emotional connection. ### 8.1 If you’re a woman desiring an Aquarius man, keep the following in mind: - Be ready to adapt and change. He’s not going to do this for you easily, and will resist any efforts you make to try and “change him.” - He needs intellectual stimulation and will lose interest if you’re into non-stimulating activities, like watching reality television or obsessing over celebrity gossip. - Don’t make strong demands on an Aquarius, or you’ll be tossed out like yesterday’s trash. - Avoid trying to lock an Aquarius man into mundane routines. While this sign is fixed by nature, it doesn’t mean Aquarius men like rituals. - Give your Aquarius man space when he needs it. You’ll know it’s important to him when he becomes emotionally distant. Let him do his thing and get it out of his system — he’ll love you even more for it. - Avoid being overly possessive of Aquarius men. If they sense you’re doing this, they’ll eject you from their life. It’s in their nature to be free, so don’t try to trap them. - Let them have their little projects and don’t try to take these away. Their involvement provides important mental stimulation and feeds their sense of autonomy. ## 9. What’s It Like to Date an Aquarius Woman? Aquarius women are fiercely autonomous and highly independent. These women tend to be witty and smart and can easily tap into a dark sense of humor. What they’re not, however, is co-dependent or needy. Don’t look for this air sign to be super emotional or reactive. This is a zodiac sign that strongly needs excitement and novelty. Because Aquarius women are open-minded, they’re willing to try things other signs may resist. One thing about women born under this zodiac sign: they’ll either like you or they won’t. Ongoing communication is vital when dating an Aquarius female. ### 9.1 If you’re dating an Aquarius woman, keep the following in mind: - Treat her like an equal, and don’t talk down to her — or you’re gone. - Accept that Aquarius women don’t connect emotionally first, but intellectually. - Let her keep her sense of independence and don’t try to make her conform to your personality. You’ll need to be the one to adapt. - Look for things that will hold her attention and engage her intellectually. Avoid empty, passive activities like watching too much TV. - Allow trust to build with Aquarius women over time. Because this sign connects intellectually first, the emotional side of bonding can be slower to arrive. - Aquarius women like to travel to new places because it feeds their desire to know more about the world they live in. ## Aquarius Man Texting and Communication Style Texting an Aquarius man reveals a lot about how his mind works. He’s more likely to send a fascinating article, an odd fact, or a genuinely curious question than a string of heart emojis — that’s just not his default language, and it doesn’t mean interest is lacking. A few things to expect: responses can be inconsistent in timing (he’s not ignoring you, he’s just genuinely absorbed in something else), conversations tend to wander into interesting tangents rather than staying strictly on-topic, and he responds far better to a witty or thought-provoking message than a purely emotional one. Pushing for constant, immediate replies tends to backfire with this sign — it reads as exactly the kind of restriction he instinctively pulls away from. ## Signs an Aquarius Man Likes You Because Aquarius men aren’t naturally big on emotional displays, the signals tend to show up differently than they would with a more overtly romantic sign. Some things to watch for: - He remembers small, specific details from past conversations and brings them back up later. - He starts including you in his plans and his circle of friends, rather than keeping you separate from that world. - He initiates deeper, more philosophical conversations with you specifically — this is his version of vulnerability. - He makes time for you consistently, even though he guards his independence fiercely with most people. - He gets genuinely curious about your opinions and pushes back on them — engagement, not agreement, is his love language. ## 10. What’s Sex Like With Aquarius? Think “fun” and “exciting” when you have sex with an Aquarius. People born under this sign are up for anything new and different. They’re very playful in the bedroom and totally open to the unconventional. They’re excellent at role-playing and acting out various fantasies. If you’re looking for a purely emotional experience in the bedroom, Aquarius can sometimes fall short. This can be countered if you have an intellectual connection, which can paradoxically infuse passion into the mix. This sign is particularly open to various forms of kink. ## 11. Aquarius Sensual Spots Aquarius people have a thing for legs and feet. This may be because the legs are responsible for carrying the body to new and interesting destinations. Give your Aquarius extra attention around the lower parts of their body and you’ll find they’re very receptive. ## 12. How Do I Attract an Aquarius? The critical element is to be intellectually stimulating if you want to attract and be with an Aquarius. Express your ideas and thoughts about a given topic, but don’t be surprised if the Aquarius-born person challenges you and questions your thinking. They don’t mean to be argumentative — it’s not their nature. Instead, they use Socratic questioning as a way of getting at the larger truth. This is who they are, and you’re not going to change them, ever. Communication will be of vital importance with this sign. You’ll also want to bring variety into your time together and avoid falling into the “same old” routine. ## 13. Aquarius Compatibility and Love A number of signs are considered more compatible with Aquarius than others. Before revealing them, it’s important to note that just because your sign isn’t listed here doesn’t mean you can’t make it work — you’ll just need to adjust some of your approach for romance to happen and continue. The most compatible signs with Aquarius are: - Libra - Aries - Gemini - Sagittarius The least compatible signs are considered to be: - Scorpio ([See Scorpio and Aquarius](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-aquarius-compatibility/)) - Taurus ([See Taurus Sign Page](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/)) - Aquarius Could go either way with Aquarius (good or bad): - Pisces - Cancer ([See Cancer Sign Page](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/)) - Leo - Virgo - Capricorn ## 14. Famous Aquarius People - Christian Bale - Deborah Ann Woll - Ashton Kutcher - Jennifer Aniston - John Travolta - Emma Roberts - Taylor Lautner - Mia Farrow - Elijah Wood - Suzanne Pleshette - Justin Timberlake - Cybill Shepherd - Alan Alda - Sara Gilbert - Justin Hartley ## 15. Aquarius Fun Facts - Lucky Days: Saturday and Sunday - Lucky Colors: Blue, Green, and Seaweed - Lucky Stones: Aquamarine, Opal ## 16. Aquarius Health Issues - Prone to nervous system issues - May suffer from insomnia - Difficulty sticking with a fitness routine **Aquarius Men Poll** If you’d like to share your own experiences with Aquarian men, please take this poll. Your response is completely anonymous. Thanks for stopping by! ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What are an Aquarius man’s biggest turn-offs? Clinginess, demands on his time, and conversations that never go beyond small talk. Aquarius men pull away fast from anything that feels restrictive or intellectually flat. ### Is an Aquarius man loyal? Yes, once he’s genuinely committed — but he needs to arrive there on his own terms and timeline. Trying to rush or pressure him into commitment tends to have the opposite effect. ### How do you know if an Aquarius man is falling for you? He starts prioritizing consistent time with you despite guarding his independence with most people, brings up past conversations you didn’t expect him to remember, and opens up in deeper, more philosophical conversations he doesn’t have with just anyone. ### What’s the best zodiac match for an Aquarius man? Libra, Aries, Gemini, and Sagittarius are generally considered the most naturally compatible matches, largely because they can keep pace with his need for intellectual stimulation and independence. ### Do Aquarius men fall in love easily? Not typically. Aquarius men tend to fall slowly, through intellectual connection and mutual respect for independence, rather than through fast emotional or physical chemistry. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aquarius Compatibility, Aquarius Man, Aquarius Man in Love, Aquarius Personality Traits, Aquarius Zodiac Sign, Dating an Aquarius Man --- ### [10 Stylish Denim Jacket Hacks for Men](https://guycounseling.com/denim-jacket-guide/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![how to wear a denim jean jacket](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/jessee-m.jpg?resize=864%2C577&ssl=1) ## Denim Jacket Guide Are you a fan of men’s denim jackets? Do you think they help you vibe out manly? Hoping to rock a rugged look that gets noticed? If the answer is yes, I can totally relate. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a huge fan of men’s denim jackets. I dig corduroy as well, but to keep it real, jean jackets are what I like most. The problem is that a lot of guys aren’t sure what styles look best for their needs. Moreover, some men don’t know how to match other clothing items to achieve the look they’re going for. ## Denim Jacket Story I’m sharing this with you because not long ago, a buddy of mine named Eddy complimented me on what I was wearing. In typical bro-code fashion, he did it in a way that asked a question. “Your jean jacket looks cool, man. I wish I knew where to get something like that,” he said. It was easy to tell he was fishing for information. After chatting with him for a bit and filling him in on where I got my threads, I got the sense he’d learned something new. And it turns out he totally did. Sure enough, about a week later, Eddy showed up with his girlfriend at a party I was attending. He had on dark jeans, a pair of black boots, a flannel, and a denim coat. **Almost the same thing I wore a few days earlier when we chatted.** They say imitation is the ultimate form of flattery. And if truth be told, I thought it was kind of cool that Eddy changed up his look, you know? At any rate, this personal story is what inspired me to blog about this topic. My hope is to help you make the right clothing choices for your needs. We’ll start with the 10 denim jacket hacks for men, then get into some ideas you can actually see. After you review the essentials, I’ll go into detail on each tip. **10 Denim Jacket Hacks at a Glance** 1. How to pick a denim jacket 2. Brand labels don’t equal quality 3. Jeans matter 4. Factor in footwear, like boots 5. Don’t forget the shirt 6. Make sure you’re season-appropriate 7. Include a hoodie if it feels right 8. Think about going distressed 9. Throw on a belt 10. Sport a beard Place image here — original caption: “Chris Hemsworth ‘Thor’ in denim” **Watch:** [Denim Jacket Tips for Men (video)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yytQI6jSYnE) ## 1. Picking a Denim Jacket Right off the bat, you need to know that selecting a denim jacket is a bit more involved than you might think. What looks good on one man may not look good on you. As a general rule, choose something that’s a bit snug around the shoulders and waist. If you can pop into a store and try a few on, you’ll have a much better idea of what you’re dealing with. **Additional tips under this point:** - Choose a slim-fit product, like this distressed jean jacket or something with color, check out [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4yyVld0) offerings. if you want something that grabs your body and gives you definition. - Pick a larger jacket if you want some room to move. Wrangler makes a standard jacket that may be just what you’re looking for ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2NHeFhp)). - If you’re planning to wear your coat during fall and winter, it makes sense to buy something with lining. You can find a solid option from on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3RvMJmE). ## Getting the Fit Right Since fit makes or breaks a denim jacket more than almost any other piece in your closet, it’s worth a closer look than “snug around the shoulders.” A few specific checkpoints: - **Shoulders:** the seam should sit right at the edge of your shoulder, not drooping past it. If it droops, size down. - **Sleeve length:** aim for the cuff hitting right around your wrist bone. Too short reads dated; too long looks borrowed. - **Body length:** a denim jacket should hit around the hip — right at or just below your belt line. Longer than that starts to look like a coat rather than a jacket. - **Room to layer:** if you plan to wear it over a hoodie or flannel in cooler months, size up slightly or buy a size specifically for layering rather than assuming your regular size will still work. When in doubt, size down rather than up. A denim jacket is one of the few pieces that’s supposed to look a little fitted — baggy denim reads more “hand-me-down” than “rugged.” Place image here — original caption: “Charlie Hunnam – denim jacket and jeans” ## 2. Brand Labels Aren’t a Sign of Quality A lot of guys get fooled into thinking that reaching for a brand label means they’re getting a higher-quality product. But what some of these same men forget is that name brands are also more expensive. So what’s the real deal? A Levi’s traditional, stonewashed jacket, which is moderately priced, is every bit as good as a designer-label “hipster” brand. I personally wear a Levi’s denim coat and have had the same one for at least 10 years. I’ve had no real problems with this jacket at all. What’s important is the stitching. Some brands are better than others. If you’re worried about this, restrict your choices to the following companies: - Levi’s - Wrangler - Carhartt - Calvin Klein ## 3. The Jeans Nowadays, you’ve got lots of choices to pair with your jacket. If your goal is rugged and manly, you can simplify things by choosing the right pair of jeans. Depending on the coat you’ve chosen, you’ll want to coordinate your pants so everything matches. If you’ve picked a light blue denim jacket, for example, go with jeans that are darker. And here’s the thing — they don’t have to be “blue jeans” per se. Here are some options to consider: - Levi’s 517 Bootcut dark blue jeans - Levi’s 527 slim bootcut in black ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/3xdtpx2)) - Lucky Brand 221 original straight jeans - Dockers straight corduroy ## Double Denim: Can You Wear Jeans and a Jacket Together? This is one of the most common questions we get about denim jackets, and the old “no double denim” rule doesn’t really hold up anymore. Done right, jacket-and-jeans is a legitimate look, not a fashion foul. The trick is contrast. Pair a lighter-wash jacket with darker jeans, or a darker jacket with lighter jeans — matching washes exactly is what makes the look read as an accident rather than a choice. A slight difference in the shade of blue, or one piece in black denim while the other stays indigo, does the job. Breaking up the denim-on-denim with a plain tee, flannel, or hoodie underneath also helps the look feel intentional instead of like you grabbed the nearest two things in the closet. Place image here — original caption: “Denim works with boots” ## 4. Footwear, Like Boots A lot of guys get confused about what they can wear with a jean jacket. Here, I’m talking about men who think boots are the only way to go. While there’s something cool about that look, there are other combinations. Much depends on your own sense of style and what you’re trying to vibe out. For example, you’ll probably look great in a pair of Doc Martin’s Lace ups ([Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4w0UrnR)). But that doesn’t mean a pair of high-tops won’t also work. Consider where you’re going and who you’ll be hanging with when picking footwear. If your goal is to come off as traditional and manly, check out this page on [rugged clothing options for men](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). ![man in denim jacket, jeans, and t-shirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-denim-jacket-jeans-tshirt.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 5. What About the Shirt? Like the other tips on this page, you’ll want to coordinate your shirt with the other clothing items you’re wearing. But there’s more to consider — the season you’re in, the weather, and where you’re going. Common sense, right? If your goal is to keep things simple, you’ll always be in style by going classic. A nice cotton shirt along with a pair of boots is great for a night out with your buds or on a date. Personally, I’m partial to the classic [jeans and boots](https://guycounseling.com/t-shirt-jeans-men/) look with a white Hanes soft cotton top. Not only is this affordable, it also goes well with the jacket. ## 6. Be Season Appropriate This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many guys forget it. A few important considerations: - Denim can be cut thick or thin. Think about the cut of your jacket and the season before deciding to wear it. - A fleece-lined denim jacket is best for late fall and winter. - Some brands let the fabric breathe more than others. - The shirt you wear will influence your entire outfit. If it’s hot out, reach for a T-shirt. If it’s cold, think flannel. ## 7. Maybe a Hoodie? A lot of jean jackets on the market come with built-in hoodies. What’s nice about them is you don’t have to coordinate — it’s already done for you. The downside is you may not want a hoodie, particularly if the weather’s on the warmer side. That’s why you may be better off buying a hoodie separately. Personally, I like Alternative Brand’s Men’s Rocky Hoodie in Dusty Pine ([Check Amazon](https://amzn.to/2NDXYDu)). Made of half cotton and half polyester, it’s easy to take on or off and looks good with a jean jacket. Grey is also a nice color choice. Some brands let you “zip out” the lining, which often contains a hood, for convenience. To keep it real, I haven’t had much luck with these — aligning the zippers for the jacket and hoodie is a real pain. That said, it may work out well for you. Place image here — original caption: “Distressed denim jacket” ## 8. Distressed Denim for a Rugged Look Do you want to vibe out outdoorsy and masculine? Maybe send the message that you’re a guy off the beaten path? If so, go with denim that’s distressed. When you hear “distressed,” think of something pre-washed or made to look like it’s been worn — a lot — in the past. Distressed jean jackets typically: - Look faded - May have holes in them - Are lighter in color - May have areas of light and dark A good example is this Trucker Jacket with a few rips in it ([Visit Amazon](https://amzn.to/3DbyqKs)). It’s worth saying: even a non-distressed jacket is eventually going to develop that worn-in look on its own over time. Just food for thought. ## How to Care for and Wash a Denim Jacket Denim jackets get worn constantly and washed rarely — and that’s mostly by design. Over-washing breaks down denim fibers faster and fades the color unevenly, so less is genuinely more here. - **Wash infrequently.** Every 10–15 wears (or when it actually smells or looks dirty) is a reasonable rule of thumb for a jacket, since it’s rarely against skin the way jeans are. - **Turn it inside out** before washing to protect the color on the outer face. - **Cold water, gentle cycle.** Hot water accelerates fading and can shrink the fabric. - **Skip the dryer when you can.** Air drying flat or on a hanger preserves the fit and cuts down on shrinkage. If you need the dryer, use a low-heat setting. - **Spot-clean when possible.** A damp cloth on a small stain often beats a full wash cycle. ## 9. Should I Wear a Belt? You may be wondering if you need a belt with the look you’re going for. The answer largely depends on the pants you’re wearing and the style you’re trying to achieve. Should you opt for a belt, it may be a smart idea to get something with a metal buckle, particularly if you’re into the western look. The key thing: don’t feel compelled to wear a belt. A lot of guys skip one entirely with a denim jacket because it’s not necessary. Visit this page on [how men can look handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) for more thoughts on style and appearance. Place image here — original caption: “Ryan Reynolds likes jean jackets” ## 10. Be a Denim-Wearing, Bearded Man I’m throwing in this last suggestion to help you round out your rugged goals. If you’ve gone through all the trouble of selecting a denim coat, plus the pants, footwear, and shirt, doesn’t it make sense to think about facial hair too? I’m not saying it’s a requirement — plenty of clean-shaven guys look great. But if you want to up your game a little and get your edgy on, think about [growing a short beard](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/). Other options include: - Goatee - Chris Hemsworth’s [“Thor”](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) beard - Two-day facial hair growth ## Bringing It All Together You came to this page because you wanted to know about denim jackets. But as you can see, you got a complete style guide as part of the process. Your best approach is to make clothing choices based on your personality and body type. Amplify your best parts while minimizing your worst. The best thing about jean jackets is simply this: they never go out of style. They also look good on most men. Hopefully, the hacks shared here were helpful to you. Thanks for stopping by. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What’s the best way to wear a denim jacket? Match the fit to your body first — snug at the shoulders, hitting around your hip. From there, coordinate the wash against your jeans and shirt, and let footwear and facial hair round out the look. ### Can I wear jeans with a denim jacket (double denim)? Yes, as long as the washes contrast rather than match exactly. A lighter jacket with darker jeans (or vice versa) reads as intentional; matching shades tend to look accidental. ### How often should I wash a denim jacket? Roughly every 10 to 15 wears, or whenever it’s visibly dirty or smells. Frequent washing fades and breaks down denim fibers faster than infrequent washing does. ### What brands make good-quality denim jackets? Levi’s, Wrangler, Carhartt, and Calvin Klein are all reliable choices. A mid-priced option from one of these brands typically holds up as well as a pricier designer label. ### Is a denim jacket appropriate for cold weather? A standard denim jacket works best in fall or mild winter conditions. For genuinely cold weather, look for a fleece-lined or insulated version, or layer it over a hoodie or flannel. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Denim, Grooming, Jeans, Manly, Masculine, Rugged, Style --- ### [What Should Men Wear to a Funeral or Memorial Service?](https://guycounseling.com/men-wear-funeral-memorial-142/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man at a funeral - what should men wear?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-funeral.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Funeral Attire Options for Men](#Funeral_Attire_Options_for_Men) - [Men, Funerals, and Clothing Choices](#Men_Funerals_and_Clothing_Choices) - [Do Men Have to Wear a Suit?](#Do_Men_Have_to_Wear_a_Suit) - [Non-Suit Funeral Attire](#Non-Suit_Funeral_Attire) - [Funeral Suit Attire](#Funeral_Suit_Attire) - [Funeral or Celebration of Life: Does the Dress Code Change?](#Funeral_or_Celebration_of_Life_Does_the_Dress_Code_Change) - [What If I Don’t Own a Suit?](#What_If_I_Dont_Own_a_Suit) - [Dressing for an Outdoor or Graveside Service](#Dressing_for_an_Outdoor_or_Graveside_Service) - [Can I Wear Cologne or Aftershave?](#Can_I_Wear_Cologne_or_Aftershave) - [Religious and Cultural Considerations](#Religious_and_Cultural_Considerations) - [Attending a Virtual or Livestreamed Memorial](#Attending_a_Virtual_or_Livestreamed_Memorial) - [What About Funeral Etiquette?](#What_About_Funeral_Etiquette) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [Do I have to wear a full suit to a funeral?](#Do_I_have_to_wear_a_full_suit_to_a_funeral) - [What should I wear if I don’t own a suit and can’t afford one?](#What_should_I_wear_if_I_dont_own_a_suit_and_cant_afford_one) - [Is it OK to wear a “celebration of life” outfit that’s more casual?](#Is_it_OK_to_wear_a_%E2%80%9Ccelebration_of_life%E2%80%9D_outfit_thats_more_casual) - [Can I wear cologne to a funeral?](#Can_I_wear_cologne_to_a_funeral) - [What should I wear to a graveside or outdoor service?](#What_should_I_wear_to_a_graveside_or_outdoor_service) ## Funeral Attire Options for Men Are you a man trying to figure out what to wear to a funeral? If so, you’re not alone. Lots of guys struggle with this question, particularly if they don’t own a suit. As a counselor, I can’t tell you how many times men have called me about this topic. “Is it OK to wear slacks and a button-down?” and “Would it be OK if I have on khaki’s?” My sense is that most of the guys who phone me do so because they’re too embarrassed to ask their friends. Let’s face it, funeral attire and [etiquette](https://guycounseling.com/funeral-etiquette-never-say-251/) aren’t the sexiest subjects. Moreover, the topic of death wigs some dudes out, especially if it means opening up about feelings. I’m not saying this is true of all men, but in my experience, it applies to many. At any rate, back to the reason you’re here — **what should I wear?** **Quick Answer** - Immediate family, close friend, or pallbearer: a dark suit - Coworker, acquaintance, or distant relation: dress pants, a button-down, and dress shoes — a tie and blazer are a nice touch, not a requirement - No suit and no budget for one: thrift, borrow, or rent — your presence matters more than the label in your jacket - Always avoid: bright colors, loud patterns, sneakers, and anything overly casual like shorts or jeans (unless you know the family has explicitly said otherwise) ## Men, Funerals, and Clothing Choices Seeking answers on this topic, Guy Counseling turned to an expert. His name is Eli Turnbough, a licensed funeral director with [Lakeview Funeral Home](http://www.lakeviewfuneralhome.com/) in Chicago. He offered the following insights: “Much depends on the relationship the man had with the deceased. What you wear to a co-worker’s service might be different than how you would dress for a close family member or friend,” Turnbough said. ## Do Men Have to Wear a Suit? In our conversation, I was curious about the conventional wisdom that holds guys should always wear a suit — preferably black or grey. “I’m not sure that’s accurate. If you are attending the memorial for a colleague or non-close relative, it’s perfectly fine to wear a pair of slacks and a button-down shirt with dress shoes. A tie and blazer add a nice touch,” said Turnbough. “But it doesn’t have to be a suit,” he added. One major theme I picked up from our discussion was that guys should try to keep it simple. “Nothing bright — I wouldn’t walk in with a Hawaiian shirt,” Turnbough said. Based on his advice and some checking around the web, I found several options for guys to consider. Keep in mind that I’m the same person who [purchased a coffin from Costco](https://guycounseling.com/costco-coffin-review/) for my aunt — so take these suggestions for what they’re worth. ![man with white shirt and tie funeral attire guy counseling](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/white-shirt-and-tie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)A white shirt and grey tie work fine for funerals ## Non-Suit Funeral Attire If you aren’t an immediate family member of the deceased and are attending a wake, memorial, or funeral service, here are some ideas: - **Dark dress pants** (slacks). If you don’t own a pair, you can easily buy some at almost any retail outlet. Khakis are probably fine too, but make sure they aren’t busy. - **A white, button-down dress shirt** (if possible). If you don’t have white, blue works too. These are easy to find if you need to pick something up last minute. - **A tie if you want.** Go with something neutral, since funerals tend to be formal in nature — black, blue, grey, or maroon are all safe. Keep it simple: no loud colors or patterns. Some men’s retailers sell combo items that simplify the decision ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/4vM1Bvr)). - **A blazer or sport coat** can be worn even if you weren’t close to the deceased. It’s not a hard-and-fast rule — if you’re just ducking into a wake to pay quick respects, you can probably skip it. But if you’ll be there for most of the calling hours or the full service, a blazer or sport coat is appropriate. - **Dress shoes** matter regardless of your relationship to the deceased. Skip the sneakers. Think black wingtips, loafers, or lace-up oxfords, polished and clean (See [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2FPHlUJ) for example). - **Dark belts** should be worn unless your pants don’t require one. - **Jewelry** is fine, just keep it understated. A gold watch or a ring are smart choices. Visible neck chains are best avoided unless there’s a cultural or religious reason for wearing one. ![what to wear to a funeral for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-dark-suit-at-a-funeral.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dark suits are preferred at funerals ## Funeral Suit Attire If you’re an immediate family member, close friend, or colleague of the deceased, it’s best to wear a suit. This also applies if you’ve been asked to be a pallbearer. Tips: - **Dark suits** are good choices. Grey, black, or blue is acceptable. Pinstripes are fine too, as long as they aren’t too loud. It’s okay to be fashionable, but you’re not there to make a fashion statement. - **White or blue shirt.** Go with a simple collared button-down. White is preferred but blue works too. - **Dark tie** in black, grey, blue, or maroon. Plain is usually your best bet. If you don’t have something plain, look for a soft pattern that complements your suit — a [classic grey necktie](http://amzn.to/2FDdSOk) with a traditional pattern is a safe choice. - **Dark belt** that matches your outfit. - **Dress shoes** are essential with formal attire. Depending on your suit, black or brown wingtips are smart choices — just make sure they’re polished. - **Jewelry** is okay as long as it’s in good taste. A basic wristwatch or wedding ring are good examples. ![alternative funeral attire options for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blue-shirt-career-coach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Exploring other options ## Funeral or Celebration of Life: Does the Dress Code Change? More families today are choosing a “celebration of life” over a traditional funeral — often held weeks or months after the death, sometimes at a home, park, or favorite restaurant instead of a funeral home or church. If that’s what you’re attending, the dress code often does shift. The safest move is still to check the invitation for any wording about attire. If it says “casual” or “come as you are,” business casual — a collared shirt, chinos or dark jeans, clean shoes — is usually appropriate. Absent any signal, treat it like a non-suit funeral: dress pants or nice trousers with a button-down. Save actual jeans and sneakers for events where the family has explicitly said to keep it relaxed, ideally something you heard directly rather than assumed. When the event leans more celebratory — sometimes with a requested theme, like the deceased’s favorite sports team or a Hawaiian shirt in their honor — it’s fine to follow that lead. Just make sure it’s an explicit ask from the family, not your own assumption that a lighter tone means anything goes. ## What If I Don’t Own a Suit? Let’s be real. Not everyone can afford a suit. The higher quality ones can be very expensive — I’ve seen some cost north of $1,500. I’m going to tell you straight out the real deal. The most important thing about attending a funeral is your presence. While attire is certainly important, that’s not what people will remember you for, particularly family members. **What they’ll recall is that you showed up** and paid your respects. That doesn’t mean you should walk into a service in jeans and sneakers — use common sense. If you don’t own a suit, consider the non-immediate-family options mentioned above. If money is tight, you’ve got other options: - Buying a suit at a local thrift store - Borrowing a suit from a friend - Renting a suit from a men’s formalwear outlet Should you go the rental route, be direct with the sales associate. I spoke to Morgan Klinker, a men’s formalwear expert in Chicago, who shared the following: “Just tell the person you will be attending a funeral and need something basic. I encourage guys to go with charcoal for versatility,” Klinker said. “Remember, the person you are working with is there to help you,” she adds. ## Dressing for an Outdoor or Graveside Service Graveside services and burials add a layer that indoor services don’t: weather. A few practical adjustments go a long way here without breaking the dress code. In cold weather, a dark wool overcoat layers cleanly over a suit or blazer and reads as formal, unlike a puffer jacket or parka. Dark leather gloves are fine; skip anything bulky or brightly colored. If rain is likely, a plain black or navy umbrella beats a golf umbrella covered in a logo. In hot weather, lightweight wool or wool-blend suits breathe better than a heavier fabric and hold their shape outdoors. A short-sleeve dress shirt under a blazer is a reasonable compromise if a full suit jacket isn’t practical in the heat — better that than showing up without a jacket at all if you’re immediate family or a pallbearer. Standing for a graveside service can take longer than expected, so comfortable (but still polished) dress shoes are worth the extra thought. ## Can I Wear Cologne or Aftershave? Another thing guys ask is: “Can I wear cologne or aftershave to a funeral?” It’s a legitimate question, and the answer might surprise you. Yes — it’s [okay to wear men’s cologne](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) to a funeral, with an important qualifier. The fragrance needs to be **super subtle and not overpowering**. In other words, not too much. Funeral homes and places of worship are often smaller, enclosed spaces, and a heavy application can be genuinely distracting to grieving family members standing nearby for hours. ## Religious and Cultural Considerations Dress expectations can shift significantly depending on the faith or cultural background of the deceased’s family, and getting this right is a meaningful way to show respect. A few general patterns worth knowing, though none of these are universal — when in doubt, ask the family, a close mutual friend, or the officiant directly: - **Head coverings.** At some Jewish services, men are asked to wear a kippah (often provided at the entrance). At some Sikh and Muslim services, a head covering may be expected as well. - **Color.** Black is the default mourning color in most Western traditions, but it isn’t universal — in some Hindu, Buddhist, and other Asian traditions, white is the customary color of mourning rather than black. - **Modesty expectations.** Some religious services, particularly in mosques, temples, or gurdwaras, expect longer sleeves and covered legs regardless of weather. Removing shoes before entering is customary in some traditions as well. - **Military honors.** A funeral with military honors tends to run more formally than a typical service — a suit (not business casual) is the safer default unless you’ve been told otherwise. If you’re close enough to the family to ask questions about logistics anyway, it’s completely appropriate to ask what’s expected. Most families appreciate the effort far more than they’d be bothered by the question. ## Attending a Virtual or Livestreamed Memorial Livestreamed and hybrid memorial services have become common enough that they deserve their own answer. If you’re attending remotely by video, the instinct to dress down because no one can see you below the waist is understandable — but it’s worth resisting. A collared shirt, at minimum, is appropriate on camera, even for a service you’re only watching from a laptop. If there’s any chance you’ll be asked to say a few words or the camera might catch more of the room, dress as you would for the in-person, non-suit version of the same service. Keep your camera positioned so the background is tidy, mute your microphone when you’re not speaking, and treat the join link with the same punctuality you’d give an in-person start time. ## What About Funeral Etiquette? A lot of men are curious about funeral etiquette — what to say, and to whom. Here are some basic tips that apply in almost all situations: - **Do sign the guestbook** if one is available. If there’s a space to indicate your relationship to the deceased, fill it in (friend, coworker, son). Family members often keep these as mementos and review them after services conclude. - **Do offer your condolences** to the immediate family. When the time is right, introduce yourself: “Hi, my name is John and I was a friend of \[name\]. I’m sorry for your loss.” - **Do briefly pause at the casket**, whether it’s open or closed. A short prayer or moment of reflection is enough — you don’t need to stay long. - **Do take a seat** behind immediate family members at the funeral home or place of worship. - **Do consider** bringing a sympathy card and signing it. Many services have a box where attendees can leave one for the family to read later. A financial contribution is a nice gesture but usually isn’t expected. - **Do your best** to look [well-groomed](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). **What to Avoid** - Bright colors, busy patterns, or anything flashy — save it for another occasion - Sneakers, sandals, or anything overly casual on your feet - Shorts, graphic tees, or gym clothes, even for an outdoor or informal-sounding service - Heavy cologne or aftershave - Checking your phone during the service, even briefly ## Bringing It All Together If you’re a man attending a funeral, it’s only natural to wonder about attire. Hopefully the suggestions here help with the decision-making process. Bear in mind there may be cultural or religious traditions to consider. The type of service matters too — some memorials are planned weeks after a death and tend to be more informal. Ash-spreading ceremonies can go either way. Military funerals tend to be very formal. Much depends on the situation. Finally, it’s worth repeating: your presence is what counts the most. In the final analysis, people tend to remember who showed up as well as who didn’t. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Do I have to wear a full suit to a funeral? Not always. A full suit is expected for immediate family, close friends, and pallbearers. If you’re attending as a coworker or more distant acquaintance, dress pants with a button-down shirt and dress shoes are typically fine. ### What should I wear if I don’t own a suit and can’t afford one? Consider a local thrift store, borrowing a suit from a friend, or renting one from a formalwear shop — charcoal is a versatile rental color. If none of those work, dress pants and a collared shirt are an acceptable alternative for most services. ### Is it OK to wear a “celebration of life” outfit that’s more casual? Only if the family has explicitly said so, either on the invitation or directly. Without that signal, treat it like a standard non-suit funeral and dress a notch more formal than you think you need to. ### Can I wear cologne to a funeral? Yes, in moderation. Keep the application light — funeral homes and places of worship are often small, enclosed spaces where a heavy scent becomes distracting. ### What should I wear to a graveside or outdoor service? The same base outfit as an indoor service, adjusted for weather — a dark wool overcoat in the cold, a lighter wool suit in the heat. Avoid casual outerwear like parkas or puffer jackets, and choose dress shoes that will hold up if you’ll be standing on grass. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Death, Funeral, Memorial, Wake --- ### [How to Upgrade Your Wardrobe on a Budget: 7 Style Tips for Men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-style-hacks-wardrobe-budget/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![men's wardrobe budget style hacks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/libra-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Upgrade Your Wardrobe You just opened your closet, looked at your wardrobe, and realized you have nothing to wear. Guys, this doesn’t just happen to the ladies. Your style reflects your life, and sometimes your clothes stop aligning with your self-identity. This can happen when you change direction in life, get a new job, or even a new romantic partner. It’s not about what other people think of you. Something as small as wearing a new shirt and tie [can boost your confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) and shift your mindset and outlook on life. I’ve been down this road. While I was in a long-term relationship, I just didn’t think about style for a few years. When I went through a bad break-up and had to get back out there, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized my clothes weren’t saying anything in particular about my intentions in life. I looked like one of those background characters in a movie. I felt practically invisible. I needed to upgrade my whole wardrobe, and fast. Upgrading your style on a budget is a daunting challenge for most men. You might be tempted to go the easy route and buy that cheap pair of skinny jeans the Facebook ads have been pushing on you for months. Pause. Take a deep breath, and let us help you improve your wardrobe with a few manageable, affordable steps. **7 Hacks at a Glance** - 1. Take inventory of your wardrobe - 2. Get some style ideas - 3. Shop in person before you buy online - 4. Make a budget - 5. Think vintage - 6. Look at the big picture - 7. Accessories are key ![men's clothing and styles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/libra-man-style.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What’s in your wardrobe? ## 1. Take Inventory of Your Wardrobe The first step in upgrading your style is developing a clear picture of your current wardrobe. Take a good look at everything you’ve got. Empty your drawers. Pull out everything in your closet. Lay it all out on the bed and go through each item one by one. Don’t forget the laundry basket — half your clothes might be sitting in there waiting to be washed. No judgment. Now separate everything into two piles. One pile is for items with sentimental value or that simply make you feel great when you wear them. The second pile is for items that are damaged, dingy, or leave you unaffected when you look at them. Donate what’s still wearable and toss what’s too far gone. ## 2. Get Some Style Ideas If it’s been a while since you’ve thought about your personal style, it helps to gather some ideas first. It can be difficult to choose a style when there are so many looks out there. Trying to keep up with every fashion trend will leave you overwhelmed and looking silly. Here’s a distinction worth keeping in mind: fashion and style are not the same thing. Fashion is the trends people are wearing at any given moment — it changes season to season, even week to week, and it’s largely driven by brands. Style is different. It’s a vehicle for your own self-image, and it’s far more personal than fashion. Your style is a non-verbal way of communicating who you are. It can happen to be fashionable, but it shouldn’t chase every trend. With that distinction in mind, you can start looking for clothing that resonates with you. Pinterest is a good place to start. One of the great things about Pinterest is that you can build boards for different styles — formal, casual, or your own categories entirely. I tend to organize by season: summer looks, winter wear, and so on. Use it for ideas, not for tracking down the exact items you see, which can turn into a frustrating scavenger hunt. Another place to look is Instagram. Search hashtags like “men’s style” and “men’s fashion,” or something more specific like “men’s shoes.” Hashtags act as a kind of digital word of mouth. A University of Missouri [research study](https://lib.dr.iastate.edu/itaa_proceedings/2018/presentations/5/) published in 2019 found that fashion designers use hashtags to gauge celebrity influence on style trends and what consumers are gravitating toward. Use hashtags the same way — to find out what’s actually resonating in men’s fashion right now. Following style pages keeps your feed stocked with fresh ideas and keeps your style knowledge current. If something catches your eye, there’s a good chance you’ll find a link to buy it — just don’t let the advertising pull you away from your own ideas. ![mens style guide budget](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Shop in person when possible ## 3. Shop in Person Before You Buy Online More men are buying clothing online than ever before. It’s easy, and you can catch sales and last-minute deals. But you can also waste time and money if you don’t have a clear sense of your style preferences or your exact measurements. Do some shopping in person first. It helps to try things on, especially while you’re still figuring out if a style is right for you. For example, I once found some khaki suit ideas I thought would look great on me — but when I tried on a dark khaki summer suit in the store, the color didn’t complement my skin tone at all. I never would have known that buying online first. Shopping in person teaches you how clothes actually fit your body, which colors flatter your complexion, and where fashion trends intersect with your own sense of style. That pair of jeans you saved on Pinterest might be trending right now — scooping them up sooner rather than later can be worth it. ## 4. Make a Budget You don’t need an exact dollar figure in mind, but it helps to have a rough sense of how much you’re willing to spend on upgrading your style each month. Go back to that pile of keepers from your existing wardrobe. You can save money by adding to your collection steadily instead of buying an entirely new outfit at once. Look at each item individually and build around it — this way you end up with more ways to mix and match. Say you’ve got a handsome pair of trousers with nothing to pair them with. Buy a couple of shirts in the styles you’ve chosen and build the rest of the outfit around what you already own. [See our full guide on how to look handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) for more on this. Buy two different types of shirts — a polo and a button-up, for example — to give yourself more variety to mix with the rest of your wardrobe. Try to balance your upscale pieces with clean, affordable basics. If you’ve already spent $100 on a pair of jeans, don’t rush out to buy a $100 shirt to match. Grab a couple of packs of crisp T-shirts instead — a pack runs less than $10, and white and colored tees do a lot of heavy lifting for the price. Always wear a brand-new shirt fresh out of the pack when you’re going out; save the older ones for around the house. Pro tip: five minutes in the dryer takes out the creases from a new shirt. ![vintage-inspired denim jacket and jeans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-denim-jacket-jeans-tshirt.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Vintage always looks great ## 5. Think Vintage Vintage-style T-shirts are affordable and say a lot about your personality — favorite childhood shows, bands, funny phrases and logos. They also make convenient conversation starters. The trick with vintage T-shirts is pairing them with more polished pieces from your wardrobe. Wear one with scuffed-up sneakers and old faithful jeans and you’ll project “lack of effort,” not “rockstar.” See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4gB4c7s) for ideas. Pair your vintage tees with a nice watch, clean shoes, and well-fitting jeans or trousers instead. ## 6. Look at the Big Picture You can build your wardrobe with small purchases over time, but at some point you’ll need to bite the bullet and buy a complete outfit — the whole package. Do this one with extra care when you’re working from a budget. Avoid buying an entire outfit online — sizing runs differently by retailer, and colors and patterns can look different once you get them home. Instead, pop into retail shops regularly, even just to window shop. Get to know your favorite stores and the people who work there. When you’re ready to make a bigger purchase, a clerk who recognizes you is far more likely to help you find the right fit instead of pushing the priciest item on the rack. Don’t let anyone rush you. Try on the full outfit, move around in it, sit down in it — do everything you’d actually do while wearing it. You should walk out with something that might cost a couple hundred dollars but leaves you feeling confident and put-together. If you can manage a complete outfit once a month or once every couple of months, that alone will give your wardrobe a real boost over time. ![men's accessories matter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/anxiety-bracelet-leather-wristband.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Accessories Matter ## 7. Accessories Are Key The devil is in the details, doubly so when you’re developing a new style. A pair of colorful argyle socks can tie a whole look together — and an expensive watch can just as easily flop if it’s paired with a polo shirt that’s two sizes too small. If you’re building your style on a budget, avoid overspending on accessories. Expensive pieces only work when the rest of your wardrobe and lifestyle match the profile. Accessories can also mean a good [watch bracelet or leather band](https://guycounseling.com/mens-leather-bracelets-best-choice-guide/). A diamond stud will just look tacky next to a ten-year-old Civic that needs new brakes. Choose accessories that add subtle nuance instead of overshadowing the rest of your outfit. A polished stone pendant on a leather or nylon necklace can read as masculine and rugged without costing much. Unbutton the top couple of buttons on a flannel shirt to let it show, and you’ve got a small, refined style choice. See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4vss3tO) for ideas. ## Wrapping Up Upgrading your wardrobe shouldn’t happen overnight, even if you can afford to spend thousands at once. Developing your style is a personal journey — one that teaches you about self-image, perception, and confidence. When you feel good about what you’re wearing, you show up differently in every social situation. Sometimes life catches you off guard. You get comfortable in the same outfits day after day, then something shifts. For me it was a bad break-up. For you it might be something else entirely — one day you slide into a pair of jeans and it just doesn’t feel right anymore. That’s the sign your wardrobe no longer matches your sense of self. Take stock of what’s in your closet. Have the courage to let go of what doesn’t fit who you are now, and hold onto what still brings you joy. Then build around those pieces to redefine your style. There are endless ideas online, but hold off on buying anything until you know your measurements and understand what actually looks good on you. Shop in person to make that connection between what you like and what genuinely works for you. Fill in the gaps with affordable extras — vintage tees, accessories that match your lifestyle — and take your time on the bigger purchases, asking for help from store staff if you need it. Make the upgrades slowly and steadily, month by month, and you’ll feel more secure in your style choices before you know it. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### How much should I budget for a wardrobe refresh? There’s no set number — it depends on your income and priorities. The goal is a rough monthly amount you’re comfortable spending, built up piece by piece, rather than one large purchase all at once. ### Is it better to buy clothes in person or online? Shop in person first, especially while you’re still figuring out your style and measurements. Once you know your fit and preferred brands, buying online becomes a lot lower-risk. ### What’s the fastest way to upgrade my style without spending much? Start with accessories and a few crisp basics — a watch band, a pack of new T-shirts, a well-fitted shirt to pair with clothes you already own. Small, intentional additions go further than a full wardrobe overhaul. ### How often should I update my wardrobe? Aim for small, steady additions monthly, with a bigger outfit purchase every month or two if your budget allows. Consistent small upgrades tend to outperform infrequent big spending sprees. ### What’s the difference between fashion and personal style? Fashion refers to current trends that shift season to season. Style is personal — how you consistently express yourself through clothing, regardless of what’s trending at the moment. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Budget, Clothing, Fashion, Menswear, Style, Wardrobe --- ### [Men's Dress Code Guide: What to Wear for Every Occasion](https://guycounseling.com/mens-wear-dress-guide/) **Published:** July 13, 2026 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** **Editor’s Note:** This guide was reviewed and updated for 2026 — with new sections added covering semi-formal/cocktail attire and smart casual, plus a quick-reference formality guide to help you decide fast. ![men's dress guide formal, semi-formal, business](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/mens-dress-guide.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## If you are a man trying to choose something to wear, this is your guide. Let’s be honest: it’s not always easy to know exactly what to wear, especially when you want to be on your A-game at the office, happy hour, or a special event. With so many dress codes in play these days — and unspoken rules about when and how to wear each one — you never want to show up under- or over-dressed. If you need help decoding dress codes and making sure you have everything you need to pull off any look, we’ve got you covered — from the most formal occasion to a lazy Sunday. **Quick Reference: Formality, Most to Least** - White or Grey Tie — black tailcoat, waistcoat, formal accessories - Black Tie — classic tuxedo - Semi-Formal / Cocktail — dark suit, tie optional - Traditional Business — suit, dress shirt, tie - Business Casual — chinos, button-down or polo, no tie required - Smart Casual — dark jeans or chinos, polished layers - Casual — comfort-first, everyday wear ![white tie and black tie formal wear for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/white-shirt-and-tie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)The more formal, the more dressy ## White or Grey Tie The most formal of all dress codes, white or grey tie attire is reserved for high-society events. It requires many intricate pieces: a black tailcoat jacket, stiff-front dress shirt, waistcoat, trousers, formal pumps, and accessories like a boutonniere, bow tie, handkerchief, and even gloves. **Related:** [Men’s guide to looking handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) You’re likely to encounter black tie far more often than white tie, but always check the invitation for the event you’re attending to be safe. If you’re stuck or the attire isn’t explicit, collect context clues from the venue, look up photos from previous years of the same event, or ask another guest who’s attended before. **When to Wear:** - State dinners - Formal balls - Some weddings ![black tie formal wear for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-dark-suit-at-a-funeral.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Super formal clothing options for men ## Black Tie Black tie is more common than white tie when people say “formal.” It’s a strict dress code, but without the intricacy of a tailcoat, gloves, and a boutonniere. It’s essentially a simplified version of white tie, built around a classic black tuxedo jacket. Watch for variations, too, like **black tie optional** and **creative black tie**. Optional means a suit is acceptable, though you can still wear a black tuxedo if you’d like. Creative gives you room to have fun — a rose-colored tuxedo jacket, a bold bow tie, or a patterned pocket square can all work here. If you’re attending a work event and want to look polished while still standing out, work a conversation-starting detail into your look. **When to Wear:** - Evening weddings - Fundraisers - Galas ## Semi-Formal / Cocktail Attire Semi-formal — often labeled “cocktail attire” on an invitation — sits between black tie and traditional business. It’s dressy enough for an evening event but doesn’t require a tuxedo. The base is a dark suit (navy, charcoal, or black) paired with a dress shirt. A tie sharpens the look, but many semi-formal events are fine without one — especially if the invite says “cocktail attire” rather than “cocktail formal.” Leather dress shoes and a matching belt finish it off. A pocket square is a nice, optional touch for something like a rehearsal dinner or a holiday party. The easiest way to miss this one is by defaulting to a full business suit and tie when the room is actually going tieless with open collars, or vice versa — showing up too casual for what’s meant to be an evening-dressy event. When the dress code just says “semi-formal” with no further detail, a dark suit with a tie is the safer bet; you can always remove the tie once you see the room. **When to Wear:** - Cocktail parties - Rehearsal dinners - Evening receptions and holiday parties ![men's business attire](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blue-shirt-career-coach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Business attire for men ## Traditional Business Business attire is the most common way to “dress up” in day-to-day life. Also known as business professional, it’s built for the workplace and other events that don’t call for a formal dress code. Dressing to impress is a key part of positioning yourself for growth at work — it signals professionalism and effort before you say a word. The look typically consists of a suit in a basic color, a plain long-sleeved shirt, a tie, dark socks, and professional shoes. Not every office requires business attire, but it’s always safe to lean business professional when you’re entering a new workplace or heading into an important meeting. Worried about being overdressed for a post-work get-together? Lose the jacket, roll up your sleeves, and you’re perfectly suited for happy hour. The most important thing to keep in mind is that your [suit fits properly](https://theblacktux.com/blog/fit-questions-answered/) — that’s what makes the difference between looking tailored and professional versus just looking like you own a suit. Look good, feel good. **When to Wear:** - Interviews - In the office - Holiday parties - Networking events ![business casual for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/smartphone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Business casual men’s options ## Business Casual Business casual is a sharp, more wearable everyday look. You get more freedom here — it doesn’t require a suit to pull off. The basics: chino pants, dark-wash jeans (depending on the setting), polo shirts, long-sleeved button-downs, sweaters, leather shoes, and a belt. Mix and match these staples however you like for a put-together, versatile look. This dress code leaves room for personal style, so don’t be afraid to play with color and texture to stand out at the office. **When to Wear:** - In the office (dress code permitting) - [Wakes, funerals, and memorials](https://guycounseling.com/men-wear-funeral-memorial-142/) - Everyday wear ## Smart Casual Smart casual is the most flexible — and most misunderstood — dress code on this list. It asks for the comfort of casual clothes with the intention of business casual, and it shows up constantly on invitations for dinners, date nights, and after-work events. Build it around dark jeans or chinos, a well-fitted button-down or a quality knit polo, and clean leather shoes or minimalist sneakers. A blazer or unstructured sport coat instantly elevates the look if the setting calls for it. The line to stay on the right side of: everything should look intentional, not thrown together. Ripped denim, graphic tees, athletic wear, and sandals fall outside the code, even at its most relaxed. **When to Wear:** - Dinner reservations and date nights - After-work social events - Smart-casual-designated weddings or parties ![handsome man in denim jacket and jeans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-denim-jacket-jeans-tshirt.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Casual dress for men ## Casual Casual and ultra-casual clothing is usually reserved for your personal, off-the-clock life. It prioritizes comfort over formal, uniform looks. The [denim look](https://guycounseling.com/denim-jacket-guide/) is usually fine here. Depending on where you work — a non-uniform retail job or a casual office, for example — this dress code might extend into your everyday work life too. Always check your employee handbook or ask a supervisor before making that call yourself. A casual dress code at the office doesn’t mean you can’t elevate your style toward business casual. It typically just means that too-short shorts, flip-flops, baggy sweatpants, and ripped clothing are off-limits. **When to Wear:** - Relaxed office or work settings (dress code permitting) - Everyday wear - Weekends ## Wrap Up If you’re like most men, figuring out what to wear can be a real chore. Hopefully, this guide has made the decision a little easier. For more style ideas, check out the book *Dress Like a Man* by Antonio Centeno ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2CRICdF)). It’s full of practical ideas to help you look sharp. ![man in tie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/types-of-leadership-man-in-shirt-tie.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00I0BYOVW)Remember, how you dress matters. The right wardrobe creates a positive impression. The wrong one can do just the opposite. Thanks for stopping by. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What’s the difference between black tie and semi-formal? Black tie means a tuxedo. Semi-formal (cocktail attire) means a dark suit, with or without a tie. If the invitation just says “formal” with no other context, black tie is the safer assumption; “semi-formal” or “cocktail” points you to the suit. ### Is smart casual the same as business casual? No. Business casual leans toward the office — chinos, button-downs, sweaters. Smart casual leans toward social settings — dark jeans, knits, and sneakers are all fair game as long as everything looks intentional. ### What should I wear if the invitation doesn’t specify a dress code? Look for context clues: the venue, the time of day, and who’s hosting. Evening events at upscale venues lean semi-formal or higher; daytime or casual venues lean business casual or smart casual. When in doubt, it’s easier to dress down a step than to be the most overdressed person in the room. ### Can I wear jeans to a business casual event? Dark-wash jeans without rips or fading can work for business casual, depending on the office or event. Paired with a button-down and leather shoes, they read as intentional rather than sloppy. Light-wash or distressed denim is safer left for casual settings. ### What’s the most formal dress code for men? White or grey tie. It’s reserved for high-society events like state dinners and formal balls, and it calls for a black tailcoat, stiff-front dress shirt, and formal accessories — well beyond what a standard tuxedo covers. **Categories:** Men's Style **Tags:** Casual, Clothing, Formal, Semi-Casual, Wardrobe --- ### [50 Practical Stocking Stuffers for Men He’ll Actually Use](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) **Published:** July 12, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![gifts for guys](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/gifts-for-guys-.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Practical Stocking Stuffer Ideas for Men and The Guy You Love ## **Stocking Fillers for Men** **🎁 Editor’s Note:** This guide has been reviewed and reorganized for easier browsing — now grouped by category instead of one long scroll, with a few new sections added to help you pick faster. **Affiliate Disclosure:** Guy Counseling is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some links in this article are affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission on qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. We only recommend products we believe are genuinely useful for our readers. Trying to find some practical and **cheap stocking filler ideas for men**? You wouldn’t be alone. Putting your hands on a unique and practical gift that fits a smallish budget ain’t easy! Lucky for you, I’ve created a one-stop shop with tons of guy gift-giving ideas that men typically love. What’s more, many of the suggestions listed below are appropriate for all sorts of situations, including: - Stocking Stuffers - Birthdays - Valentine’s Day - Anniversaries - Just because What’s great about many of these presents is their universal appeal. In other words, there’s a good chance most men will like what you pick up. Sure, he might dig one thing more than another, but generally speaking, all of these gifts are guy-friendly. Everything you see here is on the smaller side. All of them work as standalone gifts or as something to stick in a holiday sock. And while “cheap” is a subjective term, I’ve tried to list stocking filler ideas that fit most modest budgets. Links have been provided to Amazon where you can check current pricing. Don’t wait until the last minute. By picking up something for your man in advance, you remove the stress of having to rush and scramble. ## How to Use This List With 50 gift ideas on one page, scrolling through everything in order isn’t always the fastest way to find what you’re after. So I’ve grouped these picks into seven categories: Shaving & Beard Care, Skincare & Daily Grooming, Fitness & Recovery, Everyday Carry & Practical Gear, Style & Accessories, Cold Weather Gear, and Food & Fun. If you already know your guy is more of a gym rat than a gadget guy, jump straight to the section that fits him best. If you’re stumped, a good stocking usually mixes something practical with something a little fun — so feel free to pull from more than one category. #### 🎄 A Quick Gifting Tip Pairing two smaller items from the same category often reads as a more thoughtful gift than one item on its own — beard oil with a beard brush, or a compression sleeve with a tin of Tiger Balm. A few pairings like that are called out below. ## Shaving & Beard Care Whether he’s clean-shaven every morning or growing out a full beard, this category covers the tools guys actually reach for. ![aftershave men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/brute.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Aftershave Lotion** Men’s colognes are a dime a dozen. The truth is many are overpriced and don’t smell all that great. Most guys will tell you they want something with a woodsy scent that doesn’t come on too strong. That’s why Brute works as such a great guy gift. It doesn’t overpower — instead, it offers a masculine presence that’s great for work, a night out, or any social event. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dXrVgM) ![men's beard trimmer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/norelco.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Beard Trimmer** Guys spend lots of time trimming and shaping their beards, but many aren’t sure which tools to use, which makes it a hassle. That’s why we created a post that explores [beard and goatee trimming](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/). If you want to give him something he’ll genuinely appreciate, grab a cordless Phillips Norelco beard trimmer. It’s adjustable and can shape a beard or goatee to almost any style. Highly recommend. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4fdhl42) ![men's razors](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/swipe.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Razors** There isn’t a guy on the planet who doesn’t shave his face, but picking the right razor can be a real pain. One of the best on the market comes from Swipe. Highly rated by the men who use them, this gift is a smart choice hands down — the razor and cartridges come together, making for an all-in-one gift. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dy6kzP) ![men's shaving cream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/shave-cream.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Shaving Cream** If your guy is like most men, he probably uses a shaving gel from the local drugstore. Nothing wrong with that, but if you want to give him something that will truly benefit his shave, grab Pacific Shaving Company’s Natural Shave Cream. It’s lightweight, and a little goes a long, long way. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2e9z5Bn) ![After Shave Balm](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/shave-balm.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Aftershave Balm** Once he’s done shaving, he’s going to need something to calm the skin and reduce scrapes and bumps. Proraso Aftershave Balm is top drawer — it moisturizes the face while minimizing the look of nicks and small cuts. Highly rated by guys, and one he’ll genuinely appreciate. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2e9osyn) #### 🎁 Pairing Idea Beard oil and a beard brush are a natural combo — grab both below and wrap them together for a stocking stuffer that reads like a real gift set. ![beard oil man gift](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/beard-oil.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Beard Oil** In case you haven’t heard, beards are the in thing. To help your guy keep his beard soft and moisturized, I highly recommend beard oil. There are many choices on the market, but The Gentleman’s Beard Company makes one of the best. It’s unscented, 100% natural, contains no fillers, and hasn’t been tested on animals. The reviews on this oil are excellent, and I use it myself. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4vue9Ya) ![beard brush](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/beard-brush.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Beard Brush** Like the hair on his head, his beard needs brushing. Picking up Viking’s Beard Brush for Men is a fantastic gift idea — it has real boar bristles, which offer the ultimate upkeep and grooming tool. I personally use mine every day. Wrap it with a bow and pair it with the beard oil above. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dTDQjr) ![nose ear clipper stocking stuffer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/nose-clipper.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Nose and Ear Clipper** As men get older, they start to grow noticeable hair out of the nose and ears — it’s just a fact of life. Rather than have him use scissors and risk hurting himself, a good gift choice is the Panasonic Nose/Ear Clipper. It’s small, lightweight, and battery-operated, and it doubles as a detailer for mustaches, beards, and goatees. A cool, all-around man gift. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dzuBFk) ## Skincare & Daily Grooming Guys care about how they look and feel, even if they don’t always say so out loud. These are the small, practical grooming items that actually get used. ![eye roller men baggy eye dark circle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/eye-roller.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Eye Roller for Baggy Eyes** One of the issues we’ve examined on this site is how to get rid of [baggy eyes and dark circles for men](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). Lots of guys deal with this but few know what to do about it. One of the best fixes is the L’Oreal Paris Men’s Expert Hydra-Energetic Ice Cold Eye Roller — small, compact, and great for reducing puffiness from allergies or just plain tiredness. If he really struggles with baggy eyes, an ice mask might help too. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/44maSPt) ![hair cream men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/american-crew-2.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Hair Cream** Here’s a secret: guys do care about their hair, a lot. We wrote about [male celebrity hairstyles](https://guycounseling.com/haircuts-for-men-7-great-celebrity-hairstyles/) a while back, and it turned out to be popular among the alpha crowd. A very practical gift is Crew’s Forming Cream — it’s lightweight, smells pleasant, works with most hairstyles, and makes a terrific stocking stuffer. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dEohbP) ![men's moisturizer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/facial-moositurizer.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Daily Facial Moisturizer** Men have particular moisturizing needs, mostly because they’re constantly subjecting their faces to trauma with a razor. That’s why it matters to use the right product. One of the best is CeraVe’s daily moisturizer with SPF-30. It’s [non-comedogenic](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/), meaning it won’t cause acne. Don’t forget he’ll also want a body moisturizer — CeraVe makes a great one that works for all skin types. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4gARtBB) ![mens pocket comb](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/pocket-comb.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Folding Pocket Comb** Want something he’ll really appreciate? Pick him up a pocket comb. Kent makes a great folding comb that stows easily in his jeans or duffel bag. It’s a classy gift and, more importantly, something he’ll actually use. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dZKX5V) ![mens hand lotion](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/working-hands.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Guy-Friendly Hand Lotion** Can I let you in on a secret? Guys really don’t like using moisturizer on their hands. But get him the right one and he’ll love you for it. O’Keeffe’s Working Hands is a favorite of mine — it only takes a small amount to get a big result, locks in moisture, and is built for people who work with their hands. A fantastic year-round gift, especially in winter. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dGuyUw) ![dove mens soap](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/dove.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Body Soap** No need to blow a lot of money on a gift — the practical ones are often the best ones. Dove’s Body and Face Bar has a nice, masculine scent and is designed to clean deeply. It’s also highly recommended by dermatologists. A must if you’re looking for a stocking stuffer. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2e0eS1M) ![mens body groomer manscape](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/body-groomer.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Body Groomer** Believe it or not, manscaping is on the mind of your guy. The problem is most guys don’t know what tools to use to [shave their privates](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) or trim body hair. Help him out with the Gillette Groomer — highly rated by guys who use it, with an adjustable attachment that can be customized to his needs. Totally awesome gift. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4wDisB8) ![mens deoderant](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/mens-deoderant.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Deodorant** Some people like the smell of rank armpits — most don’t. That’s why a terrific gift is Herban Cowboy’s Forest Deodorant. I like this one because it has a woodsy smell without overpowering. Hey, men have grooming needs too. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dGxO2b) ![foot powder](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/foot-powder.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Foot Powder** If you want to help your man’s feet stay nice and dry, a smart choice is Gold Bond’s Foot Powder. Sprinkle some in a pair of shoes or work boots and you’re done — the powder absorbs moisture and cuts foul odor for hours. A very practical gift and a perfect stocking stuffer. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4vUpmSE) ![eye drop stocking stuffer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/visene.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Eye Drops** Some gifts are just plain practical. Visine drops fit squarely into that category. Good for winter, summer, spring, or fall, eye drops moisturize and reduce redness. If the guy in your life has blue or green eyes where redness really stands out, this is a genuinely nice gift. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4fvD7RU) ![mini wisp toothbrush cleaner](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/wisp.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Mini Toothbrush Cleaner** Men on the go love gifts with quick, easy, practical use. Colgate’s Wisp Disposable brushes fit the bill — perfect for pre- and post-meeting freshening, family events, and other gatherings. A great choice if you’re after something small. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4yiAmei) ![best mens eye cream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/mens-cream.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Eye Cream** Guys care about their faces but don’t always like to talk about it. Baggy eyes are a common complaint. A gentle way of saying “I’ve got you” is picking up an eye cream formulated specifically for men’s skin. I’ve used one and it genuinely helps. A nice choice for his stocking or anytime. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4vqzGAQ) ## Fitness & Recovery For the guy who’s already at the gym, or the one you’re hoping to nudge in that direction. ![sackpack ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/sackpack.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Gym Sack** Guys carry a lot of stuff around — gym clothes, phones, even tablets. A sack pack from Under Armour is durable, adjustable, and comes in different colors. I use mine as an all-around bag for the gym, the beach, and errand running. A real winner. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3R9SkPe) ![mens workout gloves](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/weightlifting-gloves.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Workout Gloves** For the guy who hits the gym consistently, a high-quality pair of weightlifting gloves is a practical and thoughtful gift that directly supports his fitness routine. Heavy lifting and intense workouts can take a toll on his hands, leading to painful friction, blisters, and calluses that can cut a workout session short. Giving him the proper hand protection is a great way to encourage his healthy habits while keeping him comfortable, providing the enhanced palm padding and wrist support he needs to push through his personal bests safely. You can browse through a wide variety of durable styles, breathable materials, and top-rated brands by checking out this selection of men’s workout gloves on Amazon. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4wDj8GI) ![push up bars](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/push-up-bars.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Push-Up Bars** Giving your man the gift of health is never a bad idea. Push-up bars are a wise choice — they work just about anywhere (home, work, on the road), and pushups are a great way to build upper body strength. Excellent as a warm-up or a full chest workout. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4vvFBVt) ![fitness workout journal](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/bodsy-journal.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Workout Fitness Journal** If your guy works out or is thinking about starting, a great way to help him stick with it is a classic workout journal — something tactile to record lifts, reps, and nutrition. Apps are great, but there’s nothing quite like writing it down. I’ve long encouraged the men who read this site to use some type of fitness journal because it genuinely helps with motivation. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dST7vU) #### 🎁 Pairing Idea Tiger Balm and a compression sleeve go hand in hand for anyone dealing with regular joint or muscle soreness — a genuinely useful combo, not just a filler pairing. ![tigerbalm ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/tiger.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Tiger Balm Pain Patch** Back pain is a reality for many guys who work on their feet or lift weights at the gym. One of the best gifts you’ll ever give him is a box of Tiger Balm Pain Patches. They relieve aching for long stretches, aren’t messy, and don’t stain. Also useful for aching joints. I’ve used these for years and always keep some around — you never know when pain will strike. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2cXYD4t) ![elbow compression sleeve](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/compression-sleeve-1.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Compression Sleeve** Joint pain stinks, particularly when it hits the elbow. That’s why a lot of guys reach for an elbow compression sleeve. One of the top-rated products on the market comes from Copperjoint. If he works out, plays sports, or does physical labor, this is a smart gift — pair it with the Tiger Balm above if elbow pain is a regular issue for him. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3SWgY6E) ## Everyday Carry & Practical Gear The stuff that ends up in his pocket, glove box, or junk drawer — and actually gets used. ![small flashlight gift ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/flashlight.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1) **Small Flashlight** There isn’t a guy on the planet who won’t appreciate this simple, practical gift. A small flashlight, like the Streamlight LED Pen Light, makes for a perfect present. He’ll love it for its many uses — finding keys in the dark, checking under the hood — and it’s powerful enough to double as a self-defense tool that can momentarily disorient someone. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dW5uZa) ![Thermos](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/thermos.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Thermos** Regardless of whether it’s coffee or soup, you can’t go wrong with a stainless steel thermos. The folks at Thermos are king of the hill for this type of gift — I’ve used the same one for over 20 years and it’s never let me down. A really nice choice for a man on the go or a quick stocking stuffer or birthday gift. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4feurOG) ![travel kit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/travel-kit.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Travel Kit with Supplies** Does your guy travel? An amazing gift is a pre-stocked kit. Kit’s International’s version includes 16 different supplies — everything from toothbrush and toothpaste to deodorant, cotton swabs, and pain relievers. He’ll use this one, and more than once. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dlgi1Z) ![swiss army knife](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/swiss.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Swiss Army Knife** If there ever was a perfect man gift, it’s the Swiss Army Knife. Depending on his needs, he can use it as an eating utensil, a cutting tool, a bottle opener, or a paper cutter — think MacGyver for this gift. I’ve had the same one for over 25 years, and aside from a few scratches, it’s still in excellent shape. He’ll really appreciate this one. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4vm6KtH) ![bandanas](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/handerchiefs.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Handkerchief Pack** If you want something he’ll use for a bunch of different things, a set of handkerchiefs isn’t a bad idea. I personally like the 4-pack of variety handkerchiefs. Easy to grab online and drop straight into his stocking. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4fe91RR) ![batteries stocking stuffer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/batteries.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Battery Pack** Want to wrap up a gift you know he’ll use and love? A box of Duracell Procell AA batteries goes over surprisingly well. There are 24 in the pack, with a 10-year shelf life — genuinely the gift that keeps on giving. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dB6nHf) ![flash drives](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/flash-drive.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Flash Drive** For men who work remote or need something portable that moves from laptop to desktop, a good gift choice is a jump drive (some people still call them memory sticks). I use these all the time and find them very helpful when traveling. I recommend the jump drive variety pack with lanyards. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4peTFB0) ![zippo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/zippo.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Zippo Lighter** There’s just something manly and classic about a Zippo. Even if your guy doesn’t smoke, it still has practical use — from lighting candles to starting a fire, he’ll find a reason to use it. I’m partial to the brass Zippo, but they come in plenty of styles. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dzCYRF) ![screwdriver set](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/screwdriver-set.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Screwdriver Set** Who doesn’t need a full set of screwdrivers? Craftsman is a name you can trust, and the practical 17-piece screwdriver kit with bag is an all-around wise choice. I’ve got one at home and find myself reaching for it at least once a week, sometimes more. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dR8mpJ) ![tire pressure guage](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/tire-guage.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Tire Pressure Gauge** Want something he’ll actually use and stow in the glove box? A high-quality tire pressure gauge fits the bill. TireTrek’s brand is highly rated by people who use it, and it reads up to 60 PSI, which covers most cars and utility trucks. Stock this in his stocking and he’ll truly appreciate it — and you. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dB3Vk8) ## Style & Accessories Small upgrades that guys don’t buy for themselves but genuinely like receiving. ![shoe polish stocking stuffer men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/shoe-polish.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Shoe Polish** As a guy, I can tell you that polishing shoes is something men don’t mind. There’s just something satisfying about buffing out the wax and taking a cloth to a pair of leather shoes to bring out the shine. A can of KIWI Shoe Polish makes for an awesome, practical gift — especially for men who wear dress shoes to work. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2eb4XWf) ![timex watch mens gift](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/timex.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Classic Watch** If you want to give your guy the gift of time, a Timex Classic Analogue Watch fits nicely. I own one of these and wear it almost everywhere, from snazzy parties to the gym. He’ll get years of use out of it, and there won’t be any excuses left about why he’s running late. OK — I stretched there, but you get the point. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2eb7Ki5) ![mens leather wallet black](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/leather-wallet.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Black Leather Wallet** When’s the last time you actually looked at your guy’s wallet? If it looked torn up, it might be time for a new one. I like the Alpine Swiss men’s flip wallet — plenty of storage for IDs, credit cards, and cash, in a beautiful dark black color. Genuine leather, not the fake stuff. See our [post on leather wallets](https://guycounseling.com/leather-wallet-choices-men/) for more ideas. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dYBfAP) ![mens boot laces](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/boot-laces-1.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Men’s Boot Laces** Does your guy own a pair of boots? Take a look at the laces. If they’re in sorry shape, or you can see that coming, now’s a good time for a fresh pair. Kevlar Pro-Touch laces in rust with black are a solid pick — he’ll put these to use sooner rather than later, and he’ll appreciate that you thought of it. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3Rdzabf) ![mens retro sunglasses](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/sunglasses.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Retro Sunglasses** If the guy in your life has light eyes ([like green or blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/)), it’s a genuinely smart idea to get him a pair of polarized sunglasses, since people with light eyes are more prone to ocular issues than others. Black Retro Rewind Polarized Sunglasses are a great pick if you’re thinking about his health as much as his look — and yep, also an amazing stocking stuffer. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dYEB7a) ![mens leather wrist band](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/leather-wrist-band.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Leather Wrist Band** Most guys like leather, which is why a [leather wrist band](https://guycounseling.com/mens-leather-bracelets-best-choice-guide/) makes a cool gift. I’m partial to brown, but plenty of guys prefer black. Either way, leather wrist bands are in, and they suit men well. A fun, slightly edgy pick if you want to try something different. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dB4Ukm) ![red silk tie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/tie.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Classic Red Silk Tie** Maybe he rarely wears a tie. Maybe he needs one every day. Either way, a red silk tie by EPoint is a good pick if you’re going classic. Every man should own a red silk tie, since it works for almost any formal occasion. I promise, if you get this one, he’ll be reaching for it often. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2e0pCgk) ## Cold Weather Gear Simple, unglamorous, and exactly what he’ll want once temperatures drop. ![mens thermal sox](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/thermal-sox.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Thermal Socks** Want a gift he’ll genuinely appreciate? You can’t go wrong with a super comfortable pair of thermal socks. Not only do they keep his feet warm, they add cushion too — great for guys who work on their feet or outdoors. I asked men on Facebook about this one, and thermal socks came up as a major gift choice. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dYxQCa) ![mens winter gloves](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/winter-gloves.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Winter Gloves** If you want to help the man in your life keep his hands warm during cold winter months, I highly recommend a pair of Carhartt gloves. They’re waterproof, windproof, and filled with thermal insulation. I’ve used these for years in Chicago’s sub-zero winters and they’ve never let me down. He’ll think of you every time he puts them on. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2cY0aHy) ![winter hat men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/winter-hat.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Winter Hat** Keeping your man’s head (and ears) warm should be high on your priority list. Carhartt’s acrylic watch hat is a really nice choice and a great stocking stuffer — a no-brainer gift that’s sure to be a hit. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dUDxjd) ## Food & Fun A little lighter, a little sillier — the extras that make a stocking feel full. ![subway gift card stocking stuffer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/subway.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Subway Gift Card** What guy doesn’t like Subway? Here’s why this one works: you know he’ll use it, he’ll probably use it more than once, and he might pick something reasonably healthy while he’s at it. Perfect as a stocking stuffer. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dYzns2) ![nutrition bars](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/food-bar.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Nutrition Bars** Guys on the go sometimes skip healthy food choices altogether. If that describes your man, he might appreciate some ready-to-eat options around. Caveman Nutrition Bars are one of my favorites — they come in a pack of 15 and are genuinely delicious. Moms love these for college kids, and wives love them for hungry husbands. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dYB3S0) ![lucky rabbits foot key chain](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/rabbits-foot.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Lucky Rabbit’s Foot Keychain** Some gifts are just fun to give. A Lucky Rabbit’s Foot Keychain fits that bill. If you go this route, get the all-natural one — a bright-colored rabbit’s foot is cute, but guys don’t always dig them, and the dye tends to come off. A super fun, slightly quirky gift. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3SObCKL) ![beef jerky](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/beef-jerky.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) **Beef Jerky** Here’s why beef jerky works as a cool guy gift: most men love this stuff. It’s tasty, provides plenty of protein, and makes for a real [man-snack](https://guycounseling.com/reheat-pizza-top-5-ways-maintain-taste-flavor/). I’ve been chomping on these for years and wouldn’t dream of going without. I recommend the original flavor — time-tested and guy-approved. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dzDy1B) ## Frequently Asked Questions #### What’s a good budget for a stocking stuffer? Most of the picks on this list run small and practical rather than expensive — the goal is a thoughtful, useful item, not a big-ticket gift. Prices shift over time, so it’s worth checking current Amazon pricing before you commit to a batch of stocking stuffers. #### What if I don’t know his interests very well? Stick to the Skincare & Daily Grooming or Everyday Carry categories. Items like a good flashlight, a Swiss Army knife, or a quality moisturizer have close to universal appeal, even if you don’t know his specific hobbies. #### Are these gifts only good for the holidays? Not at all. Everything here works just as well for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, or a “just because” gift. The holiday framing is just the most common occasion people search for this kind of list. #### How many stocking stuffers should I get? There’s no fixed number. Three to five small items from a mix of categories usually feels generous without being excessive. Pairing two related items (like beard oil and a beard brush) can make even a small haul feel more intentional. #### Should I buy these online or in stores? Either works. Amazon links are provided for convenience and current pricing, but many of these items — shoe polish, deodorant, thermal socks — are just as easy to grab at a local drugstore or department store if you’d rather shop in person. Thanks for stopping by my gifts for guys page. Hopefully you found some things for him and got a few ideas along the way. **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** affordable gifts for men, gift ideas for guys, gifts for men, men’s grooming gifts, practical gifts for men, stocking stuffers for men --- ### [What to Do When You’re Spiraling: A Practical Toolbox](https://guycounseling.com/what-to-do-when-youre-spiraling/) **Published:** July 12, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Man being pulled into a spiral of anxious thoughts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/spiraling-1-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) You are replaying the conversation again. You are checking your phone, imagining the worst, or mentally jumping ten steps ahead. Part of you wants to send a long text, confront someone, quit your job, end a relationship, pour another drink, make a major purchase, or do something—anything—that will make this feeling stop. **Pause here.** You do not have to solve your whole life right now. You only need to lower the intensity enough to make your next safe decision. That is the purpose of this guide. Not perfect calm. Not instant certainty. Not a complete solution to everything that is upsetting you. For the next few minutes, the goal is simply to bring the spiral down by one notch. **START HERE** You do not need to read this entire guide right now. Put both feet on the floor. Rate the intensity of the spiral from 1 to 10. Then choose **one** tool from this article. **Your job is not to solve everything. Your job is to lower the intensity enough to make your next safe decision.** Table of Contents Toggle - [You Are Spiraling Right Now—Do These Three Things](#You_Are_Spiraling_Right_Now%E2%80%94Do_These_Three_Things) - [Rate the Spiral From 1 to 10](#Rate_the_Spiral_From_1_to_10) - [What Spiraling Can Feel Like](#What_Spiraling_Can_Feel_Like) - [The Spiraling Toolbox](#The_Spiraling_Toolbox) - [Tool 1: Name What Is Happening](#Tool_1_Name_What_Is_Happening) - [Tool 2: Stop Adding Fuel](#Tool_2_Stop_Adding_Fuel) - [Tool 3: Try Four-Square Breathing](#Tool_3_Try_Four-Square_Breathing) - [Tool 4: Make the Exhale Longer](#Tool_4_Make_the_Exhale_Longer) - [Tool 5: Ground Yourself Through the Five Senses](#Tool_5_Ground_Yourself_Through_the_Five_Senses) - [Tool 6: Orient Yourself to Time and Place](#Tool_6_Orient_Yourself_to_Time_and_Place) - [Tool 7: Ask, “Is That Really True?”](#Tool_7_Ask_%E2%80%9CIs_That_Really_True%E2%80%9D) - [Tool 8: Separate Facts From Predictions](#Tool_8_Separate_Facts_From_Predictions) - [What I Know](#What_I_Know) - [What My Mind Is Predicting](#What_My_Mind_Is_Predicting) - [Tool 9: Shrink the Time Horizon](#Tool_9_Shrink_the_Time_Horizon) - [Tool 10: Use the Delay Rule](#Tool_10_Use_the_Delay_Rule) - [Tool 11: Change the Physical Sensation](#Tool_11_Change_the_Physical_Sensation) - [Tool 12: Use a Grounding Object](#Tool_12_Use_a_Grounding_Object) - [Tool 13: Move Slowly and Deliberately](#Tool_13_Move_Slowly_and_Deliberately) - [Tool 14: Try a 60-Second Mindfulness Reset](#Tool_14_Try_a_60-Second_Mindfulness_Reset) - [Tool 15: Call One Steady Person](#Tool_15_Call_One_Steady_Person) - [Tool 16: Check the Basics](#Tool_16_Check_the_Basics) - [What If Breathing or Grounding Makes It Worse?](#What_If_Breathing_or_Grounding_Makes_It_Worse) - [What to Do When the Spiral Is About a Relationship](#What_to_Do_When_the_Spiral_Is_About_a_Relationship) - [What to Do When the Spiral Is About Work](#What_to_Do_When_the_Spiral_Is_About_Work) - [What to Do When the Spiral Is About Your Health](#What_to_Do_When_the_Spiral_Is_About_Your_Health) - [What to Do If the Spiral Keeps Returning](#What_to_Do_If_the_Spiral_Keeps_Returning) - [Books for Building a Bigger Anxiety Toolbox](#Books_for_Building_a_Bigger_Anxiety_Toolbox) - [The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety](#The_Mindfulness_and_Acceptance_Workbook_for_Anxiety) - [The Anxiety and Worry Workbook](#The_Anxiety_and_Worry_Workbook) - [The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook](#The_Relaxation_and_Stress_Reduction_Workbook) - [Make a Coping Card for Next Time](#Make_a_Coping_Card_for_Next_Time) - [When to Seek Immediate Help](#When_to_Seek_Immediate_Help) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [How do I know whether I am spiraling?](#How_do_I_know_whether_I_am_spiraling) - [How do I stop spiraling immediately?](#How_do_I_stop_spiraling_immediately) - [What should I say to myself when I am spiraling?](#What_should_I_say_to_myself_when_I_am_spiraling) - [Should I distract myself?](#Should_I_distract_myself) - [Why do I keep checking my phone when it makes me feel worse?](#Why_do_I_keep_checking_my_phone_when_it_makes_me_feel_worse) - [Is spiraling the same thing as a panic attack?](#Is_spiraling_the_same_thing_as_a_panic_attack) - [Can spiraling be related to OCD?](#Can_spiraling_be_related_to_OCD) - [Can trauma cause spiraling?](#Can_trauma_cause_spiraling) - [When should I talk to a therapist?](#When_should_I_talk_to_a_therapist) - [A Final Grounding Message](#A_Final_Grounding_Message) - [Sources and Further Reading](#Sources_and_Further_Reading) ## You Are Spiraling Right Now—Do These Three Things Before reading any further, try these three steps: 1. Put both feet on the floor or another stable surface. 2. Take one gentle breath without trying to force yourself to relax. 3. Say, either aloud or silently: **“I am spiraling. I do not have to act on this yet.”** That last sentence matters. Naming what is happening can create a little distance between you and the storm in your head. You are not denying the problem. You are recognizing that your current level of distress may be affecting how you interpret it. **A thought is not a command.** **A feeling is not a forecast.** **You can wait before acting.** ## Rate the Spiral From 1 to 10 Before choosing a coping tool, give the intensity a number. Use a scale from 1 to 10: - **1–3:** The feeling is present but relatively manageable. - **4–6:** You are distressed, but you can still slow down and consider options. - **7–8:** You are highly activated and may be at risk of acting impulsively. - **9–10:** The experience feels overwhelming, unsafe, or extremely difficult to manage alone. Do not overthink the number. Choose the rating that feels closest. If you are at an eight or nine, the goal is not necessarily to reach a one. That may be unrealistic in the middle of an intense moment. Getting from a nine to a five can be meaningful progress. At a five, you may still feel anxious, angry, embarrassed, rejected, or uncertain. But you may also be able to put down the phone, delay the argument, ask for help, or make a safer decision. **THE GOAL IS NOT PERFECT CALM** Your goal is not always to move from a 9 to a 1. **If one tool helps you move from a 9 to a 7—or from a 7 to a 5—that counts.** ## ![One-to-ten scale for rating the intensity of an emotional spiral](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/scale.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What Spiraling Can Feel Like “Spiraling” is not a formal diagnosis. It is a common way people describe a period when thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and urges begin feeding one another. It may look like: - replaying something you said or did; - imagining increasingly disastrous outcomes; - checking texts, email, social media, or someone’s location repeatedly; - feeling certain that silence, a facial expression, or a short message means something terrible; - jumping from one problem to the conclusion that your entire life is falling apart; - feeling driven to explain yourself immediately; - mentally preparing for rejection, humiliation, illness, failure, or abandonment; - experiencing a racing heart, tight chest, nausea, trembling, sweating, dizziness, or restlessness; - wanting to escape the feeling through alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, sex, food, or impulsive action; - feeling emotionally flooded and unable to think clearly. A spiral can occur alongside anxiety, panic, trauma reactions, depression, obsessive thinking, relationship distress, sleep deprivation, substance use, or intense stress. It can also happen when several smaller pressures collide at once. Not every spiral is caused by an anxiety disorder, and an article cannot diagnose what is happening to you. You also do not need to determine the exact cause before taking your next stabilizing step. Right now, the priority is to reduce the intensity and avoid making the situation worse. When you are feeling steadier, you may find it useful to read more about [how men can experience anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/men-experience-anxiety/), including some signs that are easy to miss. **CHOOSE ONE TOOL** You do not need to use every technique in this guide. Pick one. Try it for a few minutes. Then rate the spiral again. If the tool does not help—or makes you feel more uncomfortable—stop and try another. Different nervous systems respond to different approaches. ## The Spiraling Toolbox The following tools target different parts of the spiral. Some work with thoughts. Others use the senses, body, environment, time, or support from another person. You are not required to use them in order. ## Tool 1: Name What Is Happening Start by putting simple language around the experience. Try one of these statements: - “I am having a spiral.” - “My mind is searching for danger.” - “I am emotionally flooded.” - “I am treating a prediction as though it has already happened.” - “I want to act because I want immediate relief.” - “This is an intense moment, not necessarily an accurate picture of everything.” The goal is not to argue with yourself or pretend the concern is meaningless. It is to move from: > **“Everything is falling apart.”** to: > **“I am having the thought that everything is falling apart.”** That small shift does not make the problem disappear. It helps you notice that you are experiencing a thought—not receiving a legally binding instruction from your mind. Rate the intensity again after naming the experience. You might say: > “This is an eight right now. I am not going to make a major decision at an eight.” ## Tool 2: Stop Adding Fuel When a fire is burning, the first move is not always to put it out completely. Sometimes the first move is to stop throwing more fuel onto it. Ask yourself: **“What am I doing right now that is making this spiral louder?”** Possible fuel includes: - rereading the same text thread; - checking whether someone is online; - searching symptoms repeatedly; - scrolling through social media; - drinking more alcohol; - asking multiple people for reassurance; - mentally rehearsing a confrontation; - searching for evidence that confirms your worst fear; - reading old messages or looking through old photographs; - drafting increasingly emotional responses; - staying in a loud or overstimulating environment; - checking your bank account, work email, test results, or notifications every few minutes. Choose one source of fuel and interrupt it. Put the phone face down. Close the browser. Leave the room. Turn off notifications. Step away from the conversation. Ask someone you trust to hold your keys or credit card temporarily if impulsive behavior is a concern. You are not avoiding the issue forever. You are creating a temporary boundary between the feeling and the behavior it is demanding. You can learn more about behaviors that may unintentionally intensify distress in [10 things that can make anxiety worse](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-anxiety-worse/). **THE PHONE RULE** Put your phone in another room for ten minutes. If ten minutes feels impossible, start with two. You are allowed to retrieve it later. The purpose is to break the checking loop long enough for your body and attention to shift. ## Tool 3: Try Four-Square Breathing Four-square breathing—also known as box breathing—uses four equal parts: 1. Breathe in gently for a count of four. 2. Hold softly for four. 3. Breathe out for four. 4. Pause for four. Repeat the square three or four times. You can imagine tracing the sides of a square as you breathe: **In: 1, 2, 3, 4** **Hold: 1, 2, 3, 4** **Out: 1, 2, 3, 4** **Pause: 1, 2, 3, 4** Do not gulp air or force your lungs to fill completely. Keep the breath gentle and comfortable. If holding your breath feels uncomfortable, makes you lightheaded, or increases panic, skip the holds. Use the longer-exhale technique in the next section or choose a sensory grounding tool. Breathing exercises are not right for everyone. Focusing on breathing can sometimes make a person more aware of frightening physical sensations. There is nothing wrong with you if this method does not help. ## ![Box breathing diagram with four-count inhale, hold, exhale, and pause](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/four-squared-breathing.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Tool 4: Make the Exhale Longer If breath-holding does not feel good, try a simpler pattern. Breathe in gently for three counts and breathe out for five: **In: 1, 2, 3** **Out: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5** Do not strain to reach the number. Your exhale only needs to be a little longer than your inhale. Continue for about one minute, or stop sooner if you become uncomfortable. You can also repeat a short phrase during the exhale: - “Not right now.” - “I can wait.” - “One thing at a time.” - “Let the wave move.” - “I do not need certainty this second.” The point is not to command yourself to calm down. It is to offer your body a slower, steadier rhythm to follow. ## Tool 5: Ground Yourself Through the Five Senses When your mind is trapped in a feared future or painful replay, grounding redirects attention toward what is physically present. Try the **5-4-3-2-1 grounding method**. Name: - **5 things you can see** - **4 things you can feel** - **3 things you can hear** - **2 things you can smell** - **1 thing you can taste** Go slowly and be specific. Instead of saying “chair,” notice: > “The chair is dark brown. The fabric feels rough. One leg has a scratch.” Instead of saying “I hear traffic,” notice: > “I hear one car accelerating, a bus braking, and tires moving over the pavement.” If five steps feel like too much, choose one sense. Find every green object in the room. Notice three places where your body touches a surface. Listen for the farthest sound you can detect. This is not a test. There is no perfect way to do it. ## Tool 6: Orient Yourself to Time and Place A spiral can make a feared event feel as though it is happening right now—even when you are responding to a memory, prediction, unanswered question, or imagined outcome. Look around and state: - your name; - your current location; - the day and approximate time; - what is happening right now; - what is not happening right now. For example: > “My name is Marcus. I am sitting in my apartment in Chicago. It is Friday evening. I received a short text from my partner. I am afraid that he is leaving me. He has not said he is leaving me. I am physically safe in this room.” Or: > “I am at my desk. My supervisor asked to meet with me on Monday. I do not know what the meeting is about. I am imagining that I will be fired, but I have not been fired.” Orientation does not require you to tell yourself that everything is fine. It asks you to distinguish the present moment from the story your fear is building around it. ## Tool 7: Ask, “Is That Really True?” When you are spiraling, your mind may take a possibility and present it as a settled fact. A simple cognitive behavioral therapy question can help interrupt that process: **“Is what I am thinking really true?”** You are not forcing yourself to think positively. You are checking whether fear has quietly turned an assumption into a conclusion. Imagine that you hear another department at your company is laying people off. Your mind says: > **“I am next. I am going to lose my job.”** Pause and ask: **“Is that really true?”** What may actually be true is: - another department announced layoffs; - the news made you afraid; - you do not know whether your department will be affected; - nobody has told you that your position is being eliminated. The feared outcome may be possible. But possible and proven are not the same thing. This question can move you from: > “I am definitely losing my job.” to: > “I heard about layoffs in another department, and now I am afraid that I could be next. I do not currently know that my job is being eliminated.” The second statement may still feel uncomfortable. It is also more accurate. Accuracy creates more room to think than certainty built from fear. **ASK YOURSELF** - Is that really true? - What do I know for certain? - What am I assuming? - Am I predicting the future? - Am I filling in missing information? - Would I feel this certain if my intensity were lower? ![Question your thoughts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/bottoming-more-questions.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Question thoughts when spiraling ## Tool 8: Separate Facts From Predictions Take a piece of paper or open a blank note. Divide it into two sections. ### What I Know Write only what can be directly observed or verified. ### What My Mind Is Predicting Write the conclusions, interpretations, and feared outcomes. For example: **What I know:** - He has not responded for four hours. - We had a disagreement yesterday. - I sent one follow-up message. **What my mind is predicting:** - He is ending the relationship. - He is with someone else. - I have ruined everything. - I will always be alone. Another example: **What I know:** - My chest feels tight. - I slept four hours. - I drank two large coffees. - I have experienced anxiety symptoms before. **What my mind is predicting:** - Something terrible is happening. - I am about to lose control. - This feeling will never end. Your predictions may eventually prove correct, partly correct, or completely wrong. That is not the immediate question. The question is: **“What has actually been established at this moment?”** Fear can feel convincing even when important information is missing. You can read more about the relationship between [anxiety, fear, and coping](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/) when you have more bandwidth. ## Tool 9: Shrink the Time Horizon Spiraling often stretches one painful moment across an entire imagined future. A difficult date becomes: > “I will always be alone.” A mistake at work becomes: > “My career is over.” A disagreement becomes: > “This relationship has been a lie.” Bring the time horizon closer. Do not ask: **“How will I fix my entire life?”** Ask: - “What do I need for the next ten minutes?” - “What is the next safe thing?” - “Can this wait until morning?” - “What needs to happen before I go to sleep?” - “What would I choose if I did not need immediate relief?” - “What could make the next hour more manageable?” The answer might be: - drink a glass of water; - eat something simple; - take prescribed medication according to your clinician’s directions; - sit somewhere quieter; - change into comfortable clothes; - cancel one nonessential obligation; - ask someone to stay on the phone; - write down the problem and revisit it tomorrow; - pull over if you are too distressed to drive safely; - go to bed without sending the message. You are not minimizing your life. You are reducing the size of the problem your overwhelmed brain is being asked to process. ## Tool 10: Use the Delay Rule Strong emotions create urgency. They tell you: - Send it now. - End it now. - Buy it now. - Confront him now. - Quit now. - Explain everything now. - Make them understand now. Urgency is not the same as importance. Unless there is an immediate safety issue, give yourself a delay period before taking an action that could have lasting consequences. Depending on the situation, that might mean: - ten minutes before sending a follow-up text; - one hour before replying to an upsetting email; - sleeping on a breakup decision; - twenty-four hours before making a major purchase; - speaking with someone grounded before quitting your job; - waiting until you are sober before addressing a conflict; - consulting a professional before making a serious medical, legal, or financial decision. Write the message if you need to—but put it in your notes instead of sending it. Build the online shopping cart—but do not check out. Draft the resignation—but do not submit it. You can still act later. The delay rule simply gives tomorrow’s version of you a seat at the table. **DO NOT DO THIS WHILE SPIRALING** When possible, delay: - sending the long paragraph; - quitting your job; - ending a relationship by text; - confronting someone impulsively; - posting publicly about the situation; - checking social media repeatedly; - driving while severely distressed; - drinking heavily or mixing substances; - making a major purchase; - gambling for relief; - contacting an ex for immediate reassurance; - treating a frightening thought as established fact. ## Tool 11: Change the Physical Sensation A mild change in temperature or sensation can sometimes interrupt a repetitive mental loop. You might: - splash cool water on your face; - hold a cool washcloth against your cheeks; - take a comfortably warm shower; - step outside briefly if the temperature and environment are safe; - hold a cold beverage; - slowly drink a glass of water; - place your hands under cool running water. Avoid extreme temperatures, prolonged ice exposure, or anything painful. The purpose is not to shock or punish your body. It is to give your attention a clear, present-moment sensation. As you notice the temperature, describe it: > “The water feels cool across my palms. My fingertips feel colder than my wrists. I can feel drops moving down my skin.” ## Tool 12: Use a Grounding Object Choose an object near you: - a key; - a smooth stone; - a coin; - a watch; - a piece of fabric; - a coffee mug; - a ring; - a stress ball; - a small wooden object. Hold it and study it. Notice: - its weight; - temperature; - texture; - edges; - shape; - imperfections; - color; - any sound it makes when moved. Then say: > **“This object is here. I am here. I am in this moment.”** Some people keep a grounding object in a pocket, desk drawer, backpack, or car for difficult moments. ## Tool 13: Move Slowly and Deliberately When your body is flooded with restless energy, sitting completely still may make the experience feel worse. Try slow, purposeful movement. Walk across the room and notice: - the pressure beneath each foot; - how your heel contacts the ground; - the movement of your knees; - the temperature of the air; - the motion of your arms; - three objects you pass. You can also: - roll your shoulders; - unclench your jaw; - stretch your hands; - press both feet into the floor; - gently push your palms against a wall; - shake tension out of your hands; - take a slow lap around the block if it is safe. This is not a workout. You are giving the activation somewhere controlled to go. Avoid strenuous exercise if you are dizzy, medically unwell, severely sleep-deprived, intoxicated, or experiencing symptoms that require medical evaluation. ## Tool 14: Try a 60-Second Mindfulness Reset Mindfulness does not require you to empty your mind. It involves noticing what is happening without immediately obeying it. For one minute, try labeling experiences as they arise: - “Thinking.” - “Fear.” - “Tightness.” - “Urge to check.” - “Planning.” - “Anger.” - “Memory.” - “Uncertainty.” You do not have to investigate each one. Notice it and return your attention to something stable: your feet, the chair, a sound, or the object in your hand. Imagine watching cars pass while you stand safely beside the road. You do not have to climb into every car. In the same way, you do not have to follow every thought to its destination. ## Tool 15: Call One Steady Person Choose one person who tends to leave you more grounded—not more inflamed. You are not looking for someone who will immediately say: > “You should destroy him.” You want someone who can help you slow down. Try saying: > “I’m spiraling, and I don’t need you to solve it. Can you stay with me for ten minutes while I bring it down?” Or: > “Can you help me separate what I know from what I’m assuming?” Or: > “I have the urge to send a message I may regret. Can I read it to you instead?” Or: > “I’m having trouble staying grounded. Can you talk to me about something ordinary for a few minutes?” Be specific about what would help. You might ask the person to: - remain on the phone; - sit with you; - hold your keys; - help you put away alcohol; - take a walk with you; - help you get home safely; - remind you not to contact someone; - help you identify professional support. If nobody is available and the situation feels severe, contact a crisis or emotional-support resource rather than managing it alone. ## Tool 16: Check the Basics A spiral can grow louder when your body is depleted or overstimulated. Ask yourself: - Have I eaten? - Have I had water? - Have I slept? - Have I consumed too much caffeine? - Am I intoxicated or coming down from something? - Did I miss a prescribed medication? - Have I been staring at a screen for hours? - Am I physically ill? - Have I been alone too long? - Is the room too loud, bright, hot, or crowded? These factors may not explain the entire spiral, but they can raise its volume. Choose one basic need you can address safely. Eat something simple. Drink water. Dim the lights. Turn off the television. Move to a quieter space. Ask for a ride instead of driving. Follow your prescribed medication instructions. Do not start, stop, skip, double, or otherwise change prescribed medication based on an online article. Contact your prescriber or pharmacist if you have a medication question. **CHECK YOUR NUMBER AGAIN** Where is the spiral now? If you started at an eight and are now at a six, something changed. **You do not have to feel good before making a safer choice. You only need enough space to pause.** ## ![deep breathing for spiraling](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/deep-breathing-man-black.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What If Breathing or Grounding Makes It Worse? Stop the exercise. No single coping technique is appropriate for every person. Focusing on breathing may intensify fear for someone who is highly aware of heart rate, chest sensations, breathing, or panic symptoms. Closing the eyes may feel unsafe for someone with a trauma history. Cold sensations may be unpleasant or medically inappropriate. Mindfulness can sometimes make intrusive thoughts feel more noticeable at first. You have not failed. Switch channels. - If breathing is not helping, try slow walking. - If mindfulness increases distress, orient to the room with your eyes open. - If focusing on the body feels unsafe, call someone and talk about neutral facts. - If silence makes the thoughts louder, play familiar music, a calm podcast, or an ordinary television program. - If one grounding exercise feels frustrating, choose a simpler one-sense exercise. The goal is not to force yourself through a technique. The goal is to find enough stability to avoid making the situation worse. ## What to Do When the Spiral Is About a Relationship Relationship spirals often create a powerful urge to demand certainty. You may want to know: - Are we okay? - Are you leaving? - Are you cheating? - Do you still love me? - Why did you use that tone? - Why have you not answered? - What did you really mean? - Who are you talking to? Some concerns deserve a direct conversation. But a conversation held while one or both people are emotionally flooded can create more injury than clarity. Try this temporary script: > “I’m feeling activated, and I don’t want to turn this into a bigger fight. I need some time to settle. Can we talk about this tomorrow at 10?” If you are tempted to send several messages, write what you want to say in your notes and step away. Avoid using silence as punishment. The goal is not to manipulate the other person. It is to prevent an activated conversation from becoming destructive. **RELATIONSHIP REALITY CHECK** The need for reassurance is understandable. **Repeated checking may provide a few seconds of relief without creating lasting reassurance. Sometimes it strengthens the cycle.** ## What to Do When the Spiral Is About Work Work spirals can turn incomplete information into career-ending conclusions. A supervisor’s short email becomes termination. A mistake becomes permanent incompetence. A difficult meeting becomes public humiliation. News of layoffs in another department becomes proof that your own position is disappearing. Return to what is known. Ask: - What exactly happened? - Is what I am thinking really true? - Has a formal decision been communicated? - What information am I missing? - Is there anything I must do tonight? - What documentation should I preserve? - Who could provide grounded advice? - Would sleep improve my ability to respond? - Am I about to send something that should be reviewed first? Draft the response without sending it. Write down the issue. Gather facts. Then revisit the matter when your intensity is lower. Unless safety, ethics, or a true emergency requires immediate action, most workplace situations do not improve because someone sends an angry email at 1:17 in the morning. ## What to Do When the Spiral Is About Your Health Physical anxiety symptoms can feel frightening. Panic attacks may involve a racing heart, trembling, sweating, tingling, dizziness, chest discomfort, nausea, breathing changes, or a feeling of losing control. Some medical problems can produce similar symptoms. An internet article cannot determine whether your symptoms are caused by anxiety. **Seek urgent medical care for new, severe, unexplained, or rapidly worsening symptoms.** This is especially important for symptoms such as severe chest pain, significant difficulty breathing, fainting, confusion, signs of stroke, serious injury, overdose, or anything that may be life-threatening. Do not assume that every physical symptom is “just anxiety.” At the same time, repeatedly searching symptoms, checking the body, or asking for reassurance can intensify a health-related spiral. Once immediate medical danger has been appropriately evaluated, consider following a plan developed with a qualified medical or mental health professional instead of restarting online research every time fear rises. Once the spiral begins to slow, the next question becomes: *Is the frightening thought actually true?* That is where [**Thought Court**](https://guycounseling.com/thought-court-cbt-exercise/) comes in. **IMPORTANT MEDICAL NOTE** Grounding and breathing exercises are coping tools. They are not medical assessments. Call 911 or seek emergency medical care when symptoms may represent a life-threatening emergency. ## What to Do If the Spiral Keeps Returning A single spiral does not automatically mean you have a mental health disorder. But repeated spiraling deserves attention when it: - disrupts sleep; - damages relationships; - interferes with work or school; - leads to repeated reassurance seeking; - causes you to avoid important activities; - contributes to heavy drinking or substance use; - triggers unsafe driving, spending, gambling, or sexual behavior; - involves panic attacks; - includes intrusive thoughts or compulsive behaviors; - follows trauma reminders; - leaves you feeling depressed, hopeless, or unable to function. A therapist can help you understand what is keeping the cycle going and develop a plan tailored to your circumstances. Depending on the underlying concern, professional care may involve cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, exposure-based treatment, trauma-focused therapy, medication, substance-use treatment, relationship therapy, or a combination of supports. Grounding techniques can be useful. They are not replacements for professional assessment and treatment when symptoms are severe, persistent, or repeatedly interfering with your life. You may also want to explore these broader [coping tools for men living with anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/coping-tools-men-anxiety/). **INTERESTED IN ONLINE THERAPY?** If spiraling has become a regular part of your life, working with a licensed therapist may help you identify triggers, examine thought patterns, and develop coping strategies suited to your needs. BetterHelp offers online therapy with licensed professionals. Availability, services, and therapist fit can vary, so review the program carefully and choose the type of support that feels appropriate for you. [Explore Online Therapy Options](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj) *Affiliate disclosure: Guy Counseling may receive compensation if you use this link to purchase a service. This does not increase your cost. Online therapy is not appropriate for emergencies or every clinical need.* ## Books for Building a Bigger Anxiety Toolbox The tools above are meant to help you navigate an intense moment. When you are feeling steadier and have the bandwidth to read, a good book or workbook can help you better understand anxiety and practice additional coping strategies. Books are not substitutes for therapy, medical care, or crisis support. Think of them as resources you can use to continue building skills. ### The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety **By John P. Forsyth and Georg H. Eifert** This workbook draws on mindfulness and acceptance-based approaches. It may be especially helpful for readers who are tired of fighting every anxious thought and want to practice responding with greater flexibility. [**Check availability on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4bnadRz) ### The Anxiety and Worry Workbook **By David A. Clark and Aaron T. Beck** This CBT-based workbook focuses on the thought patterns that can maintain anxiety and worry. It connects naturally with the question “Is that really true?” and the facts-versus-predictions exercise used in this article. [**Check availability on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4h7vUZw) ### The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook **By Martha Davis, Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, Matthew McKay, and Patrick Fanning** This practical workbook offers a wider range of body-based, relaxation, and stress-management skills. It is a useful complement to the breathing, grounding, mindfulness, and movement tools discussed here. [**Check availability on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4pgdpEv) *As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling earns from qualifying purchases.* ## Make a Coping Card for Next Time When the intensity comes down, create a short note you can access during the next spiral. Keep it brief enough to read when concentration is limited. **WHEN I AM SPIRALING** 1. Rate the intensity. 2. Do not send the message yet. 3. Put the phone in another room. 4. Put both feet on the floor. 5. Ask: “Is that really true?” 6. Choose one grounding tool. 7. Call one steady person. 8. Eat something and drink water. 9. Revisit the issue when my number is lower. 10. Call for help if I cannot stay safe. You can also include: - your therapist’s contact information; - your prescriber’s number; - a trusted friend; - a crisis resource; - medication instructions provided by your clinician; - coping skills that have helped before; - reasons to delay impulsive action. Make the card while you are relatively calm. Do not require the most overwhelmed version of you to invent a plan from scratch. ## When to Seek Immediate Help **SAFETY FIRST** Seek immediate help if: - you believe you may harm yourself; - you believe you may harm someone else; - you cannot remain safe; - you have taken an overdose or mixed dangerous substances; - you are experiencing hallucinations, severe confusion, or a significant loss of contact with reality; - you are experiencing a medical emergency; - you are too impaired, intoxicated, or distressed to drive safely; - you are in immediate danger from another person. In the United States, call or text **988** to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also visit [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org/). For an immediate life-threatening emergency, call **911** or go to the nearest emergency department. If possible, move away from weapons, medications, car keys, substances, or other items you could use impulsively. Go where another safe person is present and say clearly: **“I am not feeling safe by myself right now.”** ## Frequently Asked Questions ### How do I know whether I am spiraling? You may be spiraling when your thoughts become increasingly repetitive, catastrophic, urgent, or difficult to interrupt. You might repeatedly check for reassurance, replay an event, imagine worst-case outcomes, or feel driven to take immediate action simply to escape the discomfort. The experience varies from person to person. What matters is noticing when distress is narrowing your attention and reducing your ability to consider options. ### How do I stop spiraling immediately? There is no technique that guarantees immediate relief. Start by interrupting one part of the cycle: - stop checking; - put down the phone; - name what is happening; - rate the intensity; - orient to the room; - slow the exhale; - walk gently; - ask, “Is that really true?”; - write facts and predictions separately; - contact a steady person; - delay the action you may regret. Aim for a measurable reduction in intensity instead of demanding complete calm. ### What should I say to myself when I am spiraling? Use short, believable statements. Try: - “I do not have all the information yet.” - “I can feel this without acting on it.” - “This feels urgent, but it may not require immediate action.” - “A thought is not a command.” - “A feeling is not a forecast.” - “I can wait before deciding.” - “I only need to handle the next ten minutes.” - “I have survived intense moments before.” Avoid forcing yourself to say “Everything is fine” when you do not believe it. Choose language that feels both calming and honest. ### Should I distract myself? Temporary distraction can be useful when it interrupts repetitive thinking and helps you avoid impulsive behavior. A familiar show, simple game, household task, calm music, shower, walk, or conversation may help your attention shift. Distraction becomes less useful when it turns into chronic avoidance of something that needs to be addressed. Stabilize first. Return to the issue with more clarity later. ### Why do I keep checking my phone when it makes me feel worse? Checking may provide a brief sense of control or relief. When no reassuring message appears—or when new information creates more uncertainty—the distress returns, which can trigger another check. Breaking the cycle may feel uncomfortable at first. Start with a short, defined pause and place the phone somewhere less accessible. ### Is spiraling the same thing as a panic attack? Not necessarily. A panic attack is a sudden period of intense fear or discomfort that may include strong physical symptoms. Spiraling is a broader everyday term that may involve racing thoughts, rumination, emotional flooding, catastrophic predictions, checking, or impulsive urges. The two can happen together, but they are not identical. ### Can spiraling be related to OCD? Sometimes. A person with obsessive-compulsive disorder may become caught in intrusive thoughts, mental reviewing, reassurance seeking, checking, confessing, researching, or other compulsive attempts to gain certainty. Because repeated reassurance can maintain an OCD cycle, ordinary advice to “talk yourself out of it” may not be helpful. A clinician trained in OCD and exposure and response prevention can provide guidance tailored to that pattern. ### Can trauma cause spiraling? Trauma reminders may activate strong emotions, physical sensations, intrusive memories, or a feeling that past danger is occurring again. Grounding and orientation may help some people reconnect with the present, but trauma symptoms that are severe or persistent deserve professional care. Do not force yourself to recount traumatic experiences while highly activated unless you are in an appropriate therapeutic setting with support. ### When should I talk to a therapist? Consider professional support when spiraling happens frequently, is becoming harder to interrupt, or affects sleep, relationships, work, health, substance use, or personal safety. You do not need to wait until your life is in crisis. Therapy can help you identify triggers, understand the cycle, reduce impulsive reactions, strengthen emotional-regulation skills, and build a plan for recurring episodes. ## A Final Grounding Message You may still feel unsettled. That does not mean the tools failed. The goal was never to solve every problem in one sitting. The goal was to create enough space between the feeling and the action. Put both feet on the floor again. Look around the room. Name where you are. Notice one thing you can see, one thing you can hear, and one thing you can feel. Then remind yourself: **I do not have to solve everything right now.** **A thought is not a command.** **A feeling is not a forecast.** **I can wait before acting.** **I only need to make the next safe decision.** --- *This article provides general educational information and is not a substitute for psychotherapy, diagnosis, medical advice, or emergency care. Coping tools affect people differently. Contact a qualified health professional for guidance specific to your circumstances.* ## Sources and Further Reading - [National Institute of Mental Health: Panic Disorder—What You Need to Know](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms) - [National Institute of Mental Health: Anxiety Disorders](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders) - [NHS: Breathing Exercises for Stress](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/breathing-exercises-for-stress/) - [VA National Center for PTSD: Grounding and Box Breathing](https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/what/fireworks_ptsd.asp) - [988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: What to Expect](https://988lifeline.org/get-help/what-to-expect/) **Categories:** Mind --- ### [25 Best Body Washes for Men to Try This Year (By Skin Type)](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) **Published:** July 12, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mens body washes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/mens-body-wash.jpg?resize=751%2C501&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Best Body Wash Options for Men](#Best_Body_Wash_Options_for_Men) - [Body Moisturizer Personal Story](#Body_Moisturizer_Personal_Story) - [Unique Features of Men’s Skin](#Unique_Features_of_Mens_Skin) - [Ingredients to Look For (and Avoid)](#Ingredients_to_Look_For_and_Avoid) - [Designer vs. Niche Body Washes](#Designer_vs_Niche_Body_Washes) - [Body Wash vs. Bar Soap: What’s Actually Different](#Body_Wash_vs_Bar_Soap_Whats_Actually_Different) - [Men’s Skin Types Explained](#Mens_Skin_Types_Explained) - [26 Body Wash Options for Men](#26_Body_Wash_Options_for_Men) - [NORMAL SKIN](#NORMAL_SKIN) - [COMBO SKIN](#COMBO_SKIN) - [OILY SKIN](#OILY_SKIN) - [DRY SKIN](#DRY_SKIN) - [SENSITIVE SKIN](#SENSITIVE_SKIN) - [How To Apply Men’s Body Wash](#How_To_Apply_Mens_Body_Wash) - [Choosing a Body Wash for Your Actual Routine](#Choosing_a_Body_Wash_for_Your_Actual_Routine) - [How Often Should I Use?](#How_Often_Should_I_Use) - [Can I Put It on My Face?](#Can_I_Put_It_on_My_Face) - [Should I Use a Fragrance?](#Should_I_Use_a_Fragrance) - [Should I Moisturize After?](#Should_I_Moisturize_After) - [Body Wash for Men by Season](#Body_Wash_for_Men_by_Season) - [Men’s Body Wash Myths](#Mens_Body_Wash_Myths) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Best Body Wash Options for Men **Editor’s Note:** This guide was reviewed and updated for 2026 — with new sections added covering ingredients to look for, body acne, and how to match a body wash to your actual routine. **Affiliate Disclosure:** Guy Counseling is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Some links in this article are affiliate links, which means we may earn a small commission on qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. We only recommend products we believe are genuinely useful for our readers. In search of the **best body wash for men?** Trying to determine which product works best for your skincare needs? Hoping to find something that cleans and moisturizes effectively? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s be real — a lot of the information appearing online related to men’s grooming products stinks. What annoys me most is how so many websites make you read through a bunch of [hypermasculine bravado](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0969698911000634) because they operate under the assumption that guys need “manning up” before buying something (Douglas, K, McNeil, L, 2011). What a bunch of nonsense. The hard truth is the men’s personal care market is a multibillion-dollar industry and has been for some time. Quality grooming gear is highly sought after by men because — as it turns out — we give a crap about how we look. On this page, I’m going to give you the **real deal** on men’s body washes, just like I have in the past with this post on [men’s face moisturizers](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/). Moreover, I’ll break it all down according to your skin, meaning suggestions for normal, dry, combo, oily, and sensitive types. Believe it or not, the kind of body wash you use has an enormous impact on how your skin looks and feels. **There are even anti-aging benefits to be gained, provided you use the right product.** As a matter of full disclosure, all of the suggestions offered below are linked to Amazon, an organization of which I am affiliated. But that doesn’t mean you must buy these online. Some are available at your local drugstore. ![body washes for men and skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/shower-389273_640.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1) ## Body Moisturizer Personal Story Several years ago, I went to the dermatologist to seek his guidance on a problem I was having. The long and short of it is I had flakey skin. It wasn’t super obvious, but it was something I noticed. The main problem was drying around my legs and particularly my ankles. Obviously, the cold winters of the Midwest didn’t help, but this issue also popped up during summer. At any rate, after the doctor checked me out, he asked me a question. “Do you use bar soap to wash yourself up?” he asked. Indeed, that is exactly what I was using. As I write this out now, I don’t recall the brand, but I do know it was marketed to men. “Yep — I do,” I replied. His response was immediate. “You don’t want to put anything like that on your skin. It will dry you up and cause damage. Do yourself a favor and pick up a high-quality body wash,” he said. And that’s exactly what I did. After the appointment, I headed over to the drugstore to get something. In my case, I ended up buying Cetaphil Gentle Body Wash ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/4ygC1Rt)). It’s not like I just decided on this one by happenstance. Instead, I did it because my doc suggested it to me just as I was leaving his office. And the result? Well, after using the Cetaphil for a week, plus moisturizing after each shower, the dryness went away. Gone were the scaly, unsightly patchy areas that were causing the occasional itch. And it has mostly been this way ever since. I still get dry skin in the dead of winter. I think that’s normal. But it’s nowhere near what it was like prior to switching from a soap to a body wash. The purpose of sharing this story is to point out the obvious: when men make changes to [their skin care routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/), there can be very real benefits. That’s the inspiration for this post — to help guys identify the best body cleansers for their grooming needs. With the help of consumer reviews and customer feedback, I examined scores of different products to identify the top picks. The process wasn’t easy. There are more body washes on the market than you can imagine. But I was determined. After months of research, I’m ready to share my findings. We’re going to cover a lot of ground in what follows. I highly encourage you to read this entire page so you can make the best choice for your unique situation. After all, this is your skin we’re talking about. **In this article you will learn:** - The unique features of men’s skin - The role of collagen - Which ingredients to look for — and which to avoid - Five common men’s skin types - Designer body washes vs. niche products - Why price isn’t always an indicator of quality - How to pick a men’s body wash based on your actual routine I recognize there’s a lot to go over, and I’ve tried hard to stick to the essentials. Let’s start off with your skin, because that’s where everything starts. ![men and body washes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/men-and-body-washes.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What’s the best body wash for men? ## Unique Features of Men’s Skin Many guys think “skin is skin” and there’s not much difference between a man’s dermal layer and a woman’s. As a result, they reach for something their girlfriend uses, or copy something a buddy uses. But here’s the thing — men have vastly different skin than their female counterparts. While we may share some attributes, men typically have thicker, oilier, and more porous skin than women. In the end, this means guys are more prone to developing body acne. Additionally, we tend to develop more pronounced lines, also known as wrinkles. Here’s the deal — once you move into your 30s, the physiological process of protein synthesis starts to slow down. In turn, collagen production decreases (Zivkovic, 2011). Collagen is an important substance for skin. It’s the very thing that gives your face and body their youthful look. You may be wondering how this relates to men’s body washes. It’s simple — the type of product you use needs to match your “type.” If you want to learn more about this topic, I encourage you to read this [comprehensive post on men’s moisturizers](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/). The windup is this: don’t assume all body washes are the same or hold the same benefits. The reality is some can cause skin problems, including drying, cracking, and skin damage. ## Ingredients to Look For (and Avoid) Before you get to the list of 26 products below, it’s worth knowing what you’re actually reading on the bottle. A handful of ingredients make the difference between a product that helps your skin and one that quietly wrecks it. #### Look For These - **Glycerin** — pulls moisture into the skin and helps prevent tightness after rinsing. - **Ceramides** — rebuild the skin’s natural barrier, which matters a lot if your skin runs dry or sensitive. - **Aloe vera** — calms irritation and works well for guys prone to razor burn or shaving-related redness. - **Shea butter or coconut oil** — heavier moisturizers that suit dry or combination skin especially well. - **Panthenol (pro-vitamin B5)** — supports the skin’s moisture retention and helps with recovery after sun or wind exposure. - **Salicylic acid** — worth seeking out specifically if you deal with body acne or bacne, since it helps clear clogged pores. #### Think Twice About These - **Sulfates (like sodium lauryl sulfate)** — create that big foamy lather guys associate with “really cleaning,” but they strip natural oils and are a common cause of dryness and irritation. - **Parabens** — used as preservatives in a lot of mass-market products; many guys prefer to avoid them given the ongoing debate around hormone disruption. - **Synthetic dyes** — add zero cleaning benefit and are a fairly common irritant for sensitive skin. - **Heavy synthetic fragrance** — smells great on the shelf, but can be one of the biggest triggers for guys with reactive or sensitive skin. If you can’t pronounce most of what’s on the ingredient list, that’s usually a decent signal to keep looking. ## Designer vs. Niche Body Washes You may be wondering if price is indicative of quality. The simple answer is no. Designer body washes are usually made by a company as part of co-branding another product. An example of this can be found in Eternity for Men Body Wash ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Ilpm5M)). While there’s nothing wrong with a designer product, they tend to be more expensive than niche products. Designer products are trying to sell you an image — a lifestyle. The main point is to stress that price has absolutely zero to do with quality. Many niche washes fall on the lower end of the money spectrum and do a phenomenal job. An example of a niche pick can be found in Huron’s hydrating product ([visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3RV1HNJ)). ## Body Wash vs. Bar Soap: What’s Actually Different My own story above is a pretty good case study for this, but it’s worth spelling out directly: bar soap and body wash aren’t interchangeable, even though they look similar sitting on a shower shelf. Traditional bar soap tends to run more alkaline, throwing off your skin’s natural pH balance, and often relies on harsher surfactants to get that “squeaky clean” feeling — which is usually a sign your skin’s oil barrier just got stripped away, not a sign of a great clean. Body wash, by comparison, is formulated to clean while also depositing moisturizing ingredients back onto the skin. That’s why a decent body wash can leave you feeling clean and comfortable, while a bar of soap can leave you feeling tight and dry twenty minutes later. This doesn’t mean every bar soap is bad. But if you’re dealing with ongoing dryness or irritation and haven’t made the switch yet, it’s one of the simplest changes you can make. ![men skin types and moisturizers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mens-skin-types-12.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) ## Men’s Skin Types Explained As mentioned earlier, it’s important to know your skin type. I’ve kept things simple by using bullet points below for each typology. Which of these most closely matches you? **1) Normal skin** Men in the normal skin type category typically have the following characteristics: - Some imperfections - Skin that’s not super sensitive - Pores not visible to the naked eye - Even tone with radiant features **2) Combo skin** Guys who have a combo skin type will usually: - Have some blackheads/whiteheads - Have dry and oily areas - Some shine on cheeks, nose, and/or forehead - Dry, “patchy” skin areas - Somewhat uneven skin tone **3) Oily skin** A lot of guys have this skin type. Genetics, environmental issues, and daily stress can all influence oily skin problems. Some men experience acne as a result ([see this post on stress and acne to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/)). Signs of oily skin include: - History of whiteheads - History of blackheads - Sebaceous hyperplasia (oily glands causing bumps) - Visible shine on cheeks, forehead, and nose - History of acne #### A Word on Body Acne If you deal with breakouts on your chest, back, or shoulders — commonly called “bacne” — look specifically for a body wash with salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide. These ingredients help clear clogged pores and reduce bacteria without over-drying the skin the way a generic scented wash will. Give a new product a few weeks before judging it; skin needs time to adjust, and switching products too fast can actually make breakouts worse. **4) Dry skin** Men who have dry skin can easily identify this as a problem because it’s so noticeable: - Areas that are reddish and patchy - Rough skin, sometimes cracked - Visible lines - A dull complexion - Pores that are nearly invisible **5) Sensitive skin** Males who have sensitive skin will often notice: - Areas of redness - Blotches on face, back, or chest - Very sensitive to touch - Areas of dryness - Some itchiness - Bumps due to irritation Before moving on, I want to say that if you don’t know your skin type or are concerned about the cause of your skin problems, see a dermatologist. If that’s not something you want to do right now, you can always opt for a natural product that’s good for all skin types. More on that in a bit. Let’s move on to the different body washes for men. I’ve broken it all down according to skin type. ![top body washes for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/men-aftershave.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Body Wash Choices – Best Picks ## 26 Body Wash Options for Men Here are the 26 best body washes for men based on skin typology. Because grooming products for guys are always changing, the suggestions below are updated from time to time. Check it out. ### **NORMAL SKIN** ![normal skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/man-woods-7-secrets-men-women-e36-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Normal Skin **1. Olivina Men All in One** If you’re looking for a product that does a great job cleaning while offering a manly scent, Olivina’s product is a good one. This guy gives off a cedar and smoky vanilla vibe, which is awesome. [See Amazon for Price](https://amzn.to/2LYwarZ) **2. Every Man Jack Body Wash** Great product that does an amazing job cleaning your skin, leaving it fresh and supple. Comes in a variety of scents, but cedarwood is probably the most popular. [Check Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/450j7km) **3. No. 63 Shower Gel** Want something that cleans, moisturizes, and vibes out masculine? Then you’ll love No. 63. Think warm and woody when you apply this product. I’ve personally used it and think it’s awesome. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2ygMcvB) **4. Cremo Body Wash** If you like the old-school smell of bourbon and oak, Cremo body wash is a terrific choice. Many guys going for a [rugged vibe](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) opt for this one. Great cleanser, and it’s got the kind of scent that gets noticed. [Check Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/4vU8jjC) **5. Rugged and Dapper Body Wash + Shampoo** Made from natural ingredients, this product is great for men who want to hit their skin and hair in one fell swoop. Has a fresh, masculine scent. Some guys use it as a facial cleanser as well. [See Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/2t0twLt) ![Combo Skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/man-smiling-depression-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Combo Skin ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B06VSNCVWY) ### COMBO SKIN **6. CeraVe Hydrating Body Wash** If you have combo skin with dry areas, CeraVe makes a lot of good products. Their body wash is terrific for men who aren’t sure what to buy. Also approved by the National Eczema Foundation. See Amazon for price **7. Jack Black Turbo Wash** Made from natural ingredients, this one can be used on your body and hair. I like that it has a vegan vibe and uses eucalyptus to help relax tired, cramped muscles. Doesn’t strip your skin of moisture. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2ys3o19) **8. Dr. Wood’s Raw Black Liquid** Terrific product if you’re looking for a cleanser for your entire body. Can even be used on your face and for your hair. Helps exfoliate and remove dead skin, leaving your dermal layer feeling soft. Uses skin-nourishing nutrients A, E, and iron. Organic. [Check out Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2JTIX2s) **9. Avalon Organics All Natural Body Wash** Using all-natural ingredients, this is an excellent choice for combination skin types. Lather up with an amazing trio of cedarwood, pine, and lavender. Contains antioxidants, which help your skin fight off free radicals that can contribute to premature aging. [Look at Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3d5PUNF) **10. Brickell Men’s Rapid Wash** Need something that cleans, hydrates, and invigorates? Would you like an all-in-one product for body, face, and hair? Then you might want to try this product. Uses natural and certified organic ingredients, plus nutrients that keep your skin looking its best. [Click for Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/2M8xF7b) ![oily skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/man-washing-face-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Oily Skin ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B07CGPZLXQ) ### **OILY SKIN** **11. Bath and Body Works Signature Collection** I’ve heard a lot of positive feedback from guys who say this is a very good product for oily skin types. Contains an exotic blend of black cardamom, smoky vanilla, and a hint of musk. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2K0IHip) **12. FLOWHYET Body Wash** Elevate your daily shower routine with this Men’s Natural Tobacco Vanilla Castile Soap, a plant-based liquid body wash crafted to deeply hydrate and refresh. Formulated with a nourishing blend of organic olive, coconut, and jojoba oils, it thoroughly cleanses without stripping away your skin’s natural moisture. Complete with a subtle peppermint cooling sensation and a rich, masculine tobacco vanilla scent, it’s the perfect addition to any modern grooming routine. [Look at Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/44lQ5vo) **13. Huron** Cleanse and revitalize your skin with Huron’s Daily Body Wash, a hydrating cleanser perfect for both men and women. This non-toxic, moisturizing shower gel creates a rich lather that washes away the day while locking in vital moisture. Infused with a crisp, invigorating blend of citrus and eucalyptus, it leaves you feeling deeply refreshed and energized from head to toe. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4fu6NyS) **14. Rocky Mountain Barber Company** If you’re hoping to get a manly-smelling body wash that does an amazing job on your hair, face, and beard, you’ll want to check this product out. Light citrus scent with cedarwood. Good for men on the move. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2MJ2al7) **15. Manscaped All in One Body Wash** Upgrade your shower routine with the MANSCAPED® UltraPremium Body Wash, a luxurious daily cleanser designed to keep your skin deeply hydrated and nourished. Formulated with soothing aloe vera and exfoliating sea salt, this refreshing gel effortlessly washes away sweat and dirt while maintaining your skin’s natural moisture balance. Featuring their signature *Persevere* scent, it leaves you smelling clean, crisp, and confident all day long. [Check out Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/4eXimyr) **16. Dove Men+Care Extra Fresh** Experience a deep, refreshing clean with Dove Men + Care Extra Fresh Body and Face Wash, specifically engineered to kickstart your morning. Powered by 24-hour nourishing Micromoisture technology, this dual-action formula actively rebuilds and strengthens your skin while washing away bacteria and dirt. It delivers a crisp, cooling sensation that leaves your face and body feeling completely revitalized, smooth, and protected against dryness all day. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/44pfcxu) ![Dry Skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/black-man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dry Skin ![](https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&language=en_US&l=li3&o=1&a=B07X5D3MSG) ### **DRY SKIN** **17. Dove Men+Care** Indulge in a premium, ultra-moisturizing shower experience with the Dove Men + Care Blackcurrant and Cedarwood Body Wash. As the number one dermatologist-recommended body wash for men, this sulfate-, paraben-, and dye-free formula provides a deep, healthy clean without harsh additives. The unique blend combines the rich, grounding aroma of cedarwood with a vibrant splash of blackcurrant, leaving your skin intensely hydrated, smooth, and smelling sophisticated. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4wD1fI2) **18. ArtNaturals Natural Body Wash** Infused with aloe vera and cocoa butter, this one is great for men who want to smell good and have smooth, clean-feeling skin. No greasy residue. Great if you have itchy skin. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2Ke7lrw) **19. Cetaphil Ultra Gentle** Want something fragrance-free that’s designed for dry skin? Hoping for a product recommended by dermatologists? Want something hypoallergenic? Then you’ll want to consider this one. I’ve used it for years and have been very happy with the results. [Look at Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/4h95kzg) **20. Old Spice Velvet Sage** Step into a premium grooming experience with the Old Spice “The Spice Alchemist Collection” Body Wash, designed to deliver 24/7 cologne-infused hydration. Featuring a sophisticated Velvet Sage and Driftwood scent, this “No Trade Off” formula ensures you get a powerful, long-lasting aroma without sacrificing deep skin moisture. Free of phthalates, silicones, and dyes, it offers a clean, elevated shower experience that leaves you smelling like a high-end cologne all day long. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4vY9KgS) **21. Irish Spring Moisture Blast** I’ve used this product in the past and really liked it. Great choice for guys who want a fresh, clean smell and need a little extra moisture. The liquid in the bottle is a cool-looking blue. [Look at Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/4ymGmTq) ![Sensitive Skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/attractive-bearded-man-suit.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sensitive skin ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B014UUZ1FE) ## **SENSITIVE SKIN** **22. Aveno Body Wash** Nourish and soothe your skin with the Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Body Wash, a gentle, dermatologist-tested formula designed for normal to dry, sensitive skin. Enriched with prebiotic oat, this lightly scented shower gel actively locks in moisture while it cleanses, helping to replenish the skin’s natural barrier. Perfect for both men and women, it leaves your skin feeling noticeably softer, smoother, and healthier long after you step out of the shower. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4yjr1mr) **23. Ivory Sensitive Skin Body Wash** Keep it simple and pure with Ivory Sensitive Body Wash, a gentle, fragrance-free formula specifically designed to care for the whole family’s skin. Tailored to match your skin’s natural pH, this dermatologist-tested cleanser washes away impurities without causing irritation. Free of dyes, heavy perfumes, parabens, phthalates, and silicones, it delivers a clean, honest wash that leaves even the most sensitive skin feeling soft and protected. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3R8Hw44) **24. The Seaweed Bath Co. Body Wash** A calming body wash that cleanses and moisturizes. Uses organic harvested seaweed and contains over 65 vitamins. Repairs the dermal layer. Many guys with sensitive skin say this product works well. Hard to find in stores. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2MleSFV) **25. Ivory Mild** Strip away the complexity and get back to basics with the classic, reliable clean of Ivory Mild Body Wash. Designed for men who value simplicity, this gentle formula effectively washes away dirt without any harsh additives or overpowering scents. It’s the quintessential no-nonsense shower essential that leaves your skin feeling clean, refreshed, and ready for whatever the day holds. [Look at Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/4phjQqB) **26. Puracy Body Wash** Refresh and replenish your skin with Puracy Natural Body Wash, a pure, plant-powered formula designed for the entire family. Perfect for dry, sensitive skin, this moisturizing shower gel leverages high-quality, plant-based ingredients to gently cleanse without causing irritation or dryness. Infused with a crisp, uplifting Citrus and Sea Salt scent, it delivers a deeply hydrating, salon-quality clean that leaves your skin feeling incredibly soft and balanced. [Check out Amazon’s price](https://amzn.to/3R57fug) ![how to apply a body wash in shower for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/shower.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How to apply a body wash ## How To Apply Men’s Body Wash All body washes come with a set of instructions, usually printed on the back of the bottle. You may be thinking to yourself, “What is there to know? You just start using it.” Well, on some level, sure — there’s an intuitive aspect to application. But if you want to get the most out of your product and let it do its job, here are some tips. - Consider using a loofah sponge. Not only does this help with even distribution, it also helps with exfoliation. You can get these [online at Amazon](https://amzn.to/2LUFsFG) or at many pharmacies. - Use **warm water**, but not hot. If you’re using a product to lock in moisture, warmish water will help open your pores. Hot water will too, but it can also cause drying and scaling. - Remember to use your body wash on all of your man areas — this means your genitals and butt too. - If you’re [manscaping](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/), opt for a product that has some kind of antibacterial ingredient. ## Choosing a Body Wash for Your Actual Routine Ingredients matter, but so does matching a product to how you actually live. Here’s a quick way to think about it beyond just skin type. - **Gym or heavy sweat most days?** Look for something with a genuine antibacterial or deodorizing ingredient rather than just a strong scent covering up the problem. - **Traveling a lot?** An all-in-one hair-and-body formula saves space in a carry-on and cuts your shower routine down to one bottle. - **Shaving regularly?** Pair your body wash with an antibacterial ingredient if you’re also [manscaping](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/), since freshly shaved skin is more vulnerable to irritation. - **Trying to simplify your routine?** A fragrance-light, all-skin-type formula lets you use one product instead of juggling several. - **Wearing cologne daily?** Go fragrance-free or very light in the shower so your body wash doesn’t compete with — or clash against — your cologne. ## How Often Should I Use? A lot of guys ask: “How often should I use a body wash?” You’ll read lots of different opinions on this topic, so for what it’s worth, here are my two cents. Most men shower at least once a day. Ideally, this is when you’ll use your product. That said, during warm-weather months when temps are high, you may want to shower more frequently. So, what’s the answer? Here’s the deal — I’m not a fan of applying lots of chemicals to skin. Once a day should be sufficient unless there’s a reason you need to do it more. I guess what you’re hearing me say is that if you’re simply rinsing off to cool down, why apply a product at all? ## Can I Put It on My Face? You may be tempted to use a body wash on your face. I don’t blame you — why not knock everything out at once? But I encourage you to carefully read the directions before making this choice. Here’s why: not all body washes are designed for the face. If you have sensitive skin, for example, your product may cause irritation. Depending on the ingredients, some can even contribute to lines and wrinkles. Be sure to read this [facial care guide for men](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/) to learn more. ![Colognes and body washes?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/cologne-men-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cologne and body wash? ## Should I Use a Fragrance? Many body washes have a manly fragrance. The question becomes: should you use it? Well, all I can tell you is that it’s a personal choice. One thing to consider: if you’re going to apply cologne, it may be best to use a body wash without a scent. [See my men’s cologne post to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). ## Should I Moisturize After? **The quick answer is yes.** Even if your product of choice says it “moisturizes skin,” the reality is that once you rinse off and dry yourself with a towel, many of the benefits evaporate. That’s why you’ll want to follow up with a moisturizer that hydrates. The goal is to lock in water and seal the dermal layer. The best way to do this is to apply a body lotion right after showering, while your skin is still slightly damp. ## Body Wash for Men by Season If you live somewhere that experiences all four seasons, it makes sense to use different products throughout the year. For example, you may not want to apply a heavy, hydrating body wash during summer. On the flip side, wintertime may mean picking something that hydrates more aggressively. If you aren’t sure what to buy or don’t want to purchase multiple products, consider something that’s good for all skin types and designed for year-round use. ![myths about men and body washes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/alpha-male-traits-characteristics.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Myths about men’s body washes ## Men’s Body Wash Myths There are more myths about men’s body washes than I can shake a stick at. Many are the direct result of clever marketing campaigns designed to get you to buy something super expensive. Below, I’ve tried to cover the “biggies.” - All body washes are the same - Soaps and body washes are identical - A woman’s body wash is the same as a man’s - Scented body washes for men don’t clean well - The more expensive a wash, the better the product - Inexpensive body washes are low in quality - Celebrity endorsements mean high quality - Body washes dry your skin out \[poll id=”26″\] ## Frequently Asked Questions #### What’s the best body wash for men with dry skin? Look for a fragrance-free or lightly scented formula built around ceramides, glycerin, or shea butter, like Dove Men+Care or Cetaphil Ultra Gentle. Avoid anything with sulfates, which will make dryness worse. #### Is body wash better than bar soap for men? For most guys, yes. Body wash is formulated to clean while depositing moisturizing ingredients back onto the skin, while traditional bar soap tends to strip natural oils and disrupt your skin’s pH balance. #### Can men use the same body wash on their face? Only if the product specifically says it’s safe for facial use. Facial skin is thinner and more reactive than body skin, and some body washes can cause irritation or contribute to lines if used on the face regularly. #### What ingredients should men avoid in body wash? Sulfates, parabens, synthetic dyes, and heavy synthetic fragrance are the main offenders. They’re common causes of dryness and irritation, especially for guys with sensitive or already-dry skin. #### How often should men use body wash? Once a day is plenty for most guys, ideally during your regular shower. Showering more often in hot weather or after heavy sweating is fine, but there’s no need to over-apply product every time you rinse off. #### What’s the best body wash for body acne or bacne? Look for a formula with salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide, like Murad Acne Body Wash. Give it a few weeks of consistent use before judging results, and avoid switching products too frequently. #### Should men moisturize after using body wash? Yes. Applying a body lotion right after showering, while skin is still slightly damp, helps lock in moisture that would otherwise evaporate once you towel off. ## Wrap Up As a guy, you should take pride in your self-care routine. This means focusing on grooming and wanting to look as attractive as possible. If you have time, check out this post on [how to look more handsome for men](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling! **References:** Douglas, K. McNeil, L. (2011). Retailing masculinity: Gender expectations and social image of male grooming products in New Zealand. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0969698911000634 Zivkovic, B. (2011, August 20). BIO101 – Protein Synthesis: Transcription and Translation. Retrieved from Scientific American: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/a-blog-around-the-clock/bio101-protein-synthesis-transcription-and-translation/ **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Body Wash, Cologne, Face Care, Gear, Grooming --- ### [How to Look Handsome: 10 Easy Steps to Greater Attractiveness](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Table of Contents Toggle - [How to Look More Handsome for Men](#How_to_Look_More_Handsome_for_Men) - [Looking Handsome: Some Background](#Looking_Handsome_Some_Background) - [10 Steps to Looking More Handsome](#10_Steps_to_Looking_More_Handsome) - [The Psychology of Looking Handsome](#The_Psychology_of_Looking_Handsome) - [1. Build a Simple Skincare Routine](#1_Build_a_Simple_Skincare_Routine) - [2. Protect Your Skin From Premature Aging](#2_Protect_Your_Skin_From_Premature_Aging) - [3. Pay Attention to the Area Around Your Eyes](#3_Pay_Attention_to_the_Area_Around_Your_Eyes) - [4. Address Dark Spots Safely](#4_Address_Dark_Spots_Safely) - [5. Choose the Right Haircut](#5_Choose_the_Right_Haircut) - [6. Take Care of Your Teeth and Smile](#6_Take_Care_of_Your_Teeth_and_Smile) - [7. Exercise Regularly](#7_Exercise_Regularly) - [8. Eat for Health, Energy, and Strength](#8_Eat_for_Health_Energy_and_Strength) - [9. Build a Well-Fitting Wardrobe](#9_Build_a_Well-Fitting_Wardrobe) - [10. Manage Stress and Protect Your Sleep](#10_Manage_Stress_and_Protect_Your_Sleep) - [What Actually Makes a Man Handsome?](#What_Actually_Makes_a_Man_Handsome) - [Summing Things Up](#Summing_Things_Up) ## **![handsome man with an attractive face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/attractive-man.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)How to Look More Handsome for Men** Are you a man looking for practical advice on how to look more handsome? Is it time to improve your appearance, update your grooming routine, or feel more confident about the way you present yourself? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. The suggestions in this guide are not about becoming someone else or chasing an impossible standard of perfection. Instead, they are designed to help you take better care of yourself, highlight your strongest features, and project greater confidence. More men are paying attention to skincare, fitness, clothing, hair, and overall wellness. That is a positive development. Caring about your appearance does not make you vain. When approached in a healthy way, grooming and self-care can become part of feeling more comfortable in your own skin. **More:** [How to become a more confident man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) As a counselor who specializes in men’s issues, I’ve spoken with many guys who want to improve their appearance but are unsure where to start. One lesson comes up repeatedly: There is often a relationship between self-presentation and self-esteem. When you feel better about how you look, you may stand a little taller, make stronger eye contact, and interact with others more confidently. ## **Looking Handsome: Some Background** Research on first impressions suggests that appearance and self-presentation can influence how people initially perceive us. That does not mean your appearance determines your worth, character, intelligence, or future. It does mean that grooming, clothing, posture, facial expression, and confidence can shape the first impression you make. In truth, looking handsome is not about having a perfect face or body. It is usually the result of several smaller factors working together, including: - Good hygiene - Healthy-looking skin - A haircut that suits your face - Well-fitting clothes - Physical activity - Rest and stress management - Warmth, confidence, and presence That is why I created this straightforward guide for men who want to improve their appearance without making grooming their entire identity. The chart below offers a quick overview of the ten steps. Afterward, we’ll explore each one in greater detail. ## 10 Steps to Looking More Handsome Ten steps for looking more handsome and attractive for men | Steps | Activity | Benefit | How often? | |---|---|---|---| | 1. Regular face care routine | Grooming | More attractive face | AM/PM | | 2. Reduce and prevent wrinkles | Grooming | Younger looking face | AM/PM | | 3. Focus on the eyes | Grooming | Younger looking eyes | AM/PM | | 4. Eliminate dark spots | Grooming | Less blotchy face | Weekly | | 5. Get the right haircut | Grooming | Shapes face | 2x month | | 6. Focus on teeth | Grooming | More attractive smile | 3x daily | | 7. Exercise regularly | Physical | Athletic physique | 3-5x a week | | 8. Diet and nutrition | Physical | Attractive physique | Daily | | 9. Go classic | Style | Masculine look | Daily | | 10. Reduce anxiety | Mental | Prevents signs of aging | Daily | ## **The Psychology of Looking Handsome** Before changing your grooming routine, you need to get your mindset in the right place. Looking handsome begins partly with how you see yourself. If you constantly criticize your appearance, compare yourself with edited images online, or assume everyone is judging you, no haircut or skincare product will create lasting confidence. There is no cream, gel, supplement, or expensive outfit that can magically transform a man into someone who feels secure. Anyone promising an instant transformation is probably trying to sell you something. A healthier approach works from the inside out. When you believe you are worth caring for, you are more likely to develop consistent habits around hygiene, exercise, clothing, sleep, and grooming. Over time, those habits can influence both how you feel and how others perceive you. You do not have to [be an alpha male](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/), dominate a room, or fit a rigid masculine stereotype to look attractive. Confidence can be quiet. It can show up through good posture, calm eye contact, kindness, humor, and being comfortable with who you are. With that foundation in place, let’s move into the practical question: *How can a man become more handsome?* ![psychology of looking handsome for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/alpha-man.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)A man’s guide to looking more handsome ## **1. Build a Simple Skincare Routine** Many men were never taught how to care for their skin. That is partly because skincare was traditionally marketed toward women. Those old stereotypes are fading, and more guys now recognize that basic facial care is simply part of hygiene and health. You do not need a bathroom cabinet filled with expensive products. A simple routine generally starts with: - A gentle facial cleanser - A moisturizer suitable for your skin type - Broad-spectrum sunscreen during the day Wash your face gently rather than aggressively scrubbing it. Excessive washing, harsh soaps, and abrasive products can irritate the skin and sometimes make oiliness, dryness, or redness worse. If you have acne, persistent irritation, painful bumps, or another ongoing skin concern, consider speaking with a dermatologist rather than repeatedly experimenting with random products. I created a detailed [facial care guide for men](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/) that explains the basics and offers practical suggestions for building a routine. ## **2. Protect Your Skin From Premature Aging** A good grooming routine should care for your skin today while also protecting it over time. No one can stop the natural aging process, nor should aging be treated like a personal failure. Lines, changes in texture, and shifts in skin tone are normal parts of getting older. That said, you can take steps to reduce premature visible aging. One of the most important is using broad-spectrum sunscreen. Ultraviolet radiation can contribute to wrinkles, uneven pigmentation, loss of elasticity, and skin cancer. Consider using a daily facial moisturizer with sun protection, particularly when spending time outdoors. Wearing a hat, seeking shade, and avoiding deliberate tanning can also help. Other useful habits include: - Avoiding smoking - Getting adequate sleep - Using a moisturizer consistently - Avoiding excessive alcohol - Eating a varied, nutrient-rich diet Skincare will not make you look twenty years younger, but consistent habits can help your skin appear healthier and better cared for. For more information, read this [men’s guide to wrinkles and visible signs of aging](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/). ## **3. Pay Attention to the Area Around Your Eyes** The skin around the eyes is thin and often shows signs of fatigue, dryness, sun exposure, and aging earlier than other areas of the face. Dark circles and under-eye puffiness can have many causes, including: - Genetics - Allergies - Sleep deprivation - Dehydration - Sun exposure - Natural changes associated with aging That means no single cream will solve every under-eye concern. Still, a few basic habits may help. Prioritize sleep, stay hydrated, manage allergies when appropriate, protect your face from the sun, and avoid rubbing the delicate skin around your eyes. A cool compress may temporarily reduce puffiness. A gentle moisturizer can also help if the area is dry. Persistent swelling, pain, sudden changes, or symptoms affecting only one eye should be discussed with a healthcare professional. For additional suggestions, read this guide on how men can [reduce the appearance of dark circles and under-eye bags](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). ![man with dark circles and bags under his eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/face-man-baggy-eyes-640x381.jpg?resize=499%2C297&ssl=1)Healthy skin and adequate rest can improve your overall appearance ## **4. Address Dark Spots Safely** Does your face have areas of uneven pigmentation? Do you notice brown spots on your cheeks, forehead, or nose? Dark spots may develop for several reasons, including sun exposure, acne, inflammation, hormonal changes, or natural aging. Before trying to lighten a mark at home, make sure it is actually a cosmetic concern. Do not assume that every new or changing spot is simply a freckle or sunspot. A dermatologist should evaluate a mark that: - Changes in size, shape, or color - Has irregular borders - Bleeds, crusts, or fails to heal - Becomes painful or persistently itchy - Looks noticeably different from your other spots Once a healthcare professional has confirmed that the pigmentation is harmless, treatments may include sunscreen, topical skincare ingredients, prescription products, chemical peels, or laser-based procedures. Results vary according to skin type and the cause of the discoloration. Some aggressive treatments can irritate the skin or worsen pigmentation, particularly in men with deeper skin tones. That is why it is wise to proceed carefully rather than using harsh bleaching agents or random remedies found online. For additional information, review this article about how to [reduce the appearance of dark spots on the face](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/). ## **5. Choose the Right Haircut** Most guys understand that hair plays an important role in personal appearance. What many struggle with is choosing a cut that works with their face shape, hair texture, age, lifestyle, and level of maintenance. Some men select the shortest possible cut simply because it is easy. There is nothing wrong with that approach. A clean crop, buzz cut, or close fade can look sharp and masculine. But the best haircut is not automatically the trendiest one. A strong haircut should: - Complement the shape of your face - Work with your natural hair texture - Fit your daily routine - Be manageable between appointments - Help you feel like yourself Bring reference pictures to your barber or stylist, but remain open to professional feedback. A hairstyle that looks great on a celebrity may not work exactly the same way with your hairline, density, curl pattern, or facial proportions. If you are experiencing thinning hair, avoid assuming that you must hide it at all costs. A shorter, well-shaped cut often looks more intentional than a style designed to disguise every area of hair loss. Facial hair matters too. A beard can enhance the jawline, but only when it is groomed, shaped, and kept clean. For examples and inspiration, visit this [men’s haircut and hairstyle guide](https://guycounseling.com/haircuts-for-men-7-great-celebrity-hairstyles/). ![handsome man with a healthy smile](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/handsome.jpg?resize=502%2C299&ssl=1)A healthy, confident smile can improve your appearance ## **6. Take Care of Your Teeth and Smile** I’ll level with you: Dental care can be an uncomfortable topic for many men. Some guys avoid the dentist because of cost, embarrassment, previous negative experiences, or anxiety about pain. Others have developed a genuine dental phobia. I understand that concern because I have experienced dental anxiety myself. Still, oral health plays an important role in both your appearance and your overall health. Regular cleanings, daily brushing, flossing, and addressing dental problems early can make a meaningful difference. If you have avoided the dentist for several years, do not let embarrassment keep you away. Dental professionals regularly work with people who have delayed care. You can tell the office about your anxiety before the appointment and ask what options are available to make the experience easier. Modern dentistry may help address: - Discoloration - Chipped or damaged teeth - Crooked or crowded teeth - Gaps - Gum problems - Missing teeth Not everyone needs veneers, braces, or cosmetic treatment. Sometimes a professional cleaning and improved daily care make a significant difference. If you are considering whitening products, speak with your dentist first—especially if you have sensitive teeth, gum disease, fillings, crowns, or other dental work. Overusing whitening products can irritate the gums and increase sensitivity. A relaxed, genuine smile often contributes more to attractiveness than having perfectly white teeth. If dental anxiety is holding you back, read these tips for coping with a [fear of going to the dentist](https://guycounseling.com/fear-of-dentist-8-tips/). ![fit man demonstrating strength and physical health](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/strength-vs.-power.jpg?resize=502%2C299&ssl=1)Regular physical activity can support health, posture, and confidence ## **7. Exercise Regularly** Regular physical activity can help you look and feel better. Exercise supports cardiovascular health, muscular strength, mobility, posture, sleep, mood, and energy. Resistance training can help maintain muscle as you age, while aerobic activity supports heart and lung health. You do not need to become a bodybuilder to benefit. A balanced routine may include: - Strength or resistance training - Walking, cycling, swimming, or another aerobic activity - Mobility and flexibility work - Rest and recovery Consistency matters more than choosing the most intense program. If you are new to exercise, begin gradually. Trying to transform your body in two weeks is more likely to cause injury or burnout than lasting progress. A qualified personal trainer can help you learn proper form and build a routine, particularly if you feel intimidated by the gym. If you have a medical condition, significant pain, or a history of injury, speak with an appropriate healthcare professional before starting a demanding program. Exercise can improve appearance, but it should not become punishment for eating or a source of constant body criticism. The healthiest goal is to become stronger, more capable, and more comfortable in your body. For help choosing a program, review these [tips for selecting the right workout routine](https://guycounseling.com/workout-routines-3-tips-picking-best-plan/). ## **8. Eat for Health, Energy, and Strength** Nutrition and exercise work together. What you eat can influence your energy, recovery, weight, muscle development, skin, digestion, and overall health. You do not need to follow an extreme diet or eat according to a supposed body type. Categories such as ectomorph, mesomorph, and endomorph are often presented as rigid scientific rules, but they are not a reliable foundation for individualized nutrition planning. A more useful approach is to build sustainable habits. Depending on your health needs and preferences, that may include: - Eating adequate protein - Including fruits and vegetables regularly - Choosing fiber-rich carbohydrates - Using healthy sources of dietary fat - Drinking enough water - Limiting highly processed foods without demanding perfection Avoid crash diets that promise dramatic results in a few days. Rapid plans are difficult to maintain and may leave you tired, irritable, or overly preoccupied with food. Men can struggle with disordered eating and body-image concerns too. If your eating habits feel compulsive, highly restrictive, or driven by shame, consider speaking with a qualified healthcare professional. A registered dietitian can help develop a plan based on your medical history, activity level, cultural preferences, budget, and goals. You can find a nutrition professional through the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics at [Find a Nutrition Expert](https://www.eatright.org/find-a-nutrition-expert). ![classic men's dress shoes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/mens-shoes.jpg?resize=507%2C302&ssl=1)Well-fitting clothes and clean shoes can sharpen your overall presentation ## **9. Build a Well-Fitting Wardrobe** Part of looking handsome involves wearing clothes that fit your body and suit the occasion. The challenge is that many men are unsure what to buy. Others assume they need expensive labels to look good. They do not. Fit, cleanliness, condition, and coordination usually matter more than the brand name. Clothing should sit comfortably through the shoulders, chest, waist, and legs without excessive pulling, sagging, or restriction. A reasonably priced shirt that fits well will usually look better than an expensive one that does not. Consider building your wardrobe around dependable basics, such as: - Dark jeans or chinos - Well-fitting T-shirts - Button-down shirts - A versatile jacket - A sweater or overshirt - Clean casual shoes - A pair of dressier shoes You do not need to dress formally every day. The goal is to look intentional rather than uncomfortable or overstyled. Pay attention to your shoes. They do not need to be expensive, but they should be reasonably clean, appropriate for the setting, and in good condition. Your wardrobe should also reflect your personality. Classic clothing can provide a strong foundation, but there is room for color, accessories, cultural expression, and individual style. If you enjoy rugged clothing, you may find inspiration in this guide to the [lumbersexual look for men](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). ## **10. Manage Stress and Protect Your Sleep** You may not expect stress management to appear in an article about looking more handsome, but it belongs here. Chronic stress can interfere with sleep, concentration, mood, appetite, exercise, and self-care. It can also contribute to muscle tension and worsen certain skin conditions. In some susceptible people, periods of intense stress may be associated with temporary hair shedding. Stress can also influence how you carry yourself. When you are overwhelmed, you may appear tense, exhausted, distracted, or withdrawn. You probably cannot eliminate every source of pressure from your life. You can, however, develop healthier ways to cope. Helpful strategies may include: - Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule - Exercising regularly - Reducing excessive alcohol use - Practicing relaxation or mindfulness - Spending time with supportive people - Setting better boundaries - Taking breaks from social media - Speaking with a therapist when needed Sleep deserves special attention. When you are well rested, your eyes may look less tired, your mood is often better, and you are more likely to follow through with exercise, grooming, and healthy eating. If you regularly struggle to sleep, feel persistently anxious, or find that stress is interfering with daily life, consider speaking with a healthcare or mental health professional. For additional ideas, read this guide featuring [practical ways to reduce stress and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/). ## **What Actually Makes a Man Handsome?** Physical appearance matters, but it is only part of attractiveness. A handsome man is not necessarily the person with the most symmetrical face, the biggest muscles, or the most expensive wardrobe. Other qualities strongly influence how people experience you, including: - Confidence without arrogance - Good hygiene - A genuine smile - Kindness and emotional maturity - Comfortable eye contact - A sense of humor - Listening skills - Good posture - Respect for other people You have probably met someone who became more attractive after you got to know him. You may also have met a physically striking person who became less appealing because of how he treated others. Looks create an impression. Character shapes what happens next. ## **Summing Things Up** If your goal is to look more handsome, focus on steady improvement rather than perfection. You do not need a magic product or a complete reinvention. Most men can improve their appearance by taking better care of their skin, hair, teeth, body, clothing, sleep, and mental health. Start with one or two changes rather than attempting everything at once. You might begin by scheduling a haircut, buying a facial moisturizer with sun protection, replacing a worn-out pair of shoes, walking several times per week, or making a long-overdue dental appointment. Small actions become routines. Routines gradually change how you look and feel. Most importantly, do not make your self-worth dependent on appearing young, muscular, wealthy, or flawless. Looking handsome is not about erasing every sign of age or turning yourself into someone else. It is about presenting a healthy, cared-for, and confident version of the man you already are. For more grooming suggestions, visit my guide to the [best colognes for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling! **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Anti-Aging, Attractiveness, Dark Spots, handsome, Skin Care --- ### [10 Smart Ways To Cope With Anxiety and Fear](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/) **Published:** August 24, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anxiety fear](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/anxiety-fear-smart.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Coping With Anxiety and Fear](#Coping_With_Anxiety_and_Fear) - [1. Stop the negative self-talk](#1_Stop_the_negative_self-talk) - [2. Embrace your anxieties and fears](#2_Embrace_your_anxieties_and_fears) - [3. Nix perfectionism and opt for excellence](#3_Nix_perfectionism_and_opt_for_excellence) - [4. Center thoughts in the here and now](#4_Center_thoughts_in_the_here_and_now) - [5. Discover others who have the same worries](#5_Discover_others_who_have_the_same_worries) - [6. Keep a journal of your thoughts](#6_Keep_a_journal_of_your_thoughts) - [7. Move your body](#7_Move_your_body) - [8. Spend time in nature](#8_Spend_time_in_nature) - [9. Respect yourself](#9_Respect_yourself) - [10. Ditch victimhood](#10_Ditch_victimhood) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Coping With Anxiety and Fear Are you trying to **work through anxiety**? Do your fears sometimes cause you to become paralyzed? Hoping to find a few practical ways for working through? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. While the numbers are a bit scattered, current [research](https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics) suggests nearly forty million Americans struggle with some form of anxiety each year. In my work as a counselor, I can tell you that the number one thing people want when they seek out guidance are practical, real-world tools to help them work through. This is particularly true for folks who live with gremlins like **social anxiety, panic attacks and phobias**; issues that when left unchecked can become crippling and debilitating. Just for the sake of review, let’s take a quick definitional look at both anxiety and fear. While both are related, they aren’t the same. - **Anxiety:** A state of uneasiness and distress about what the future holds; marked by apprehension and worry. An intense sense of dread that lacks a specific cause or threat. Living in a suspended state of alertness while feeling helpless. - **Fear:** A pending sense of doom under the threat of something real or imagined. Feeling terrified and frightened. Keep these constructs in mind as you read what follows. While the suggestions mentioned below shouldn’t be thought of as curative, they are designed to help you walk on the path of healing. ![negative self talk critical man anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/capricorn-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "anxiety coping for men")Anxiety starts in your head ## 1. Stop the negative self-talk For many people, living with anxiety means engaging in negative self-talk. Examples include, “I shouldn’t feel anxious” or “If I were stronger, I wouldn’t panic.” Here’s what you need to know. Whenever you make these kinds of statements to yourself, you are literally making your anxiety worse. This happens because you are reinforcing a subconscious message that tells your brain you are powerless. **But guess what? You aren’t.** As much as you possibly can, eliminate negative words from your vocabulary and replace them with affirming supportive statements. Example. Swap statements like, “*If I were stronger, I wouldn’t have panic”* with “*I’m strong enough to live with panic in my life”*. ## 2. Embrace your anxieties and fears One of the strongest emotions is fear. It is a gift given to you by mother nature; an internal warning system that is designed to keep you alive. **Embrace this gift with every fiber of your being**. Do not be ashamed of it or try to deny its existence. Anxiety and fear are primal and directly linked to the flight or fight response. The more you try to push anxiety away, the stronger it becomes. But when you acknowledge its presence and recognize it is not an enemy, you change how it manifests in your life. This is a core concept of [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), also known as ACT. ## ![man lake hypnotherapy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-lake.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 3. Nix perfectionism and opt for excellence Are you a perfectionist? Does everything you do have to be 100% right – with no exceptions? If the answer is yes, you are doing great harm to your emotional and spiritual psyche. And you know what else? You are setting yourself up for failure. Trying to be perfect leads to procrastination, which acts as gasoline in anxiety’s fuel tank. Instead of being perfect, adopt the mindset of excellence. In other words, opt for doing the best that you can in all that you do while remembering that **mistakes are part of the learning process**. By adjusting your thinking, you transform your relationship with anxiety into something you can use for your benefit. ## 4. Center thoughts in the here and now When a panic attack strikes or you become paralyzed with fear, it is critical to center yourself in the here and now. If you don’t, there’s a good chance you’ll continue downward on a negative spiral and feel like you are losing control. To become centered, take a deep breath. Count to ten and acknowledge what you are feeling. Do not deny that fear or anxiety is present in your mind. Instead, simply acknowledge they are present. Then, using your five senses, ask yourself ***What am I aware of in the moment?*** For example, if you are outside, do you smell freshly cut grass? Do you hear the wind, passing through trees? Can you feel the texture on the side of a brick building? You get the idea. Use your senses to attach yourself to the moment. If you are at home or in a private place, consider conducting a body scan. This will help you to tune into your physical person and tune out of your mind. Learn more by visiting this post on [how to conduct a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). ## 5. Discover others who have the same worries One of the ways fear and anxiety become stronger is by pushing you towards isolation. When you aren’t talking about your feelings or discussing how they impact your life, fear paradoxically grows. To de-intensify these feelings, it is critical that you find others who hold similar worries. Once you do, share. Doing so helps to universalize your experience and push back against that voice in your head that keeps telling you that you’re crazy. **You are not.** The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has an online support group that you may wish to consider. [Click here](https://adaa.org/adaa-online-support-group) to learn more and access. By reaching out, you can share your experiences and learn how others are coping. Additionally, you also talk about things that have helped you. The end result? Healing. ## ![journal thoughts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/outdoorsman.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 6. Keep a journal of your thoughts The mind is a powerful thing. Sometimes, it sends messages that you don’t always hear but nonetheless influences your feelings. These thoughts can happen at the conscious and subconscious level. To better understand the relationship between your thinking and your feelings, keep a thought journal. This doesn’t need to be complicated. You can download one free from a cool website called [Therapist Aid](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/thought-record). Because thoughts can also come to us when we are sleeping, it can also help to write in a dream journal. Here, the goal is to look for themes and identify any patterns that may be pointing you towards the source of anxiety. You can create a dream journal with the use of a simple notebook or you can buy one pre-made from places like [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2LkFgjM). ## 7. Move your body This suggestion is firmly rooted in clinical research is largely common sense. It’s very simple. To combat feelings of anxiety and fear, **you’ve got to engage in physical activity** on a regular basis. Doing so helps to stimulate important brain chemicals that encourage calmness. In the absence of these chemicals, stress in your body grows, which can exacerbate symptoms and make panic worse. This is particularly true if you [live with OCD](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-ocd-every-day/). You don’t have to be bodybuilder or fitness guru to benefit from this suggestion. Simple things, like a daily walk or run, can do wonders. So can partaking in activities like yoga, stretching, and biking. Move your body and get out of your head. ## ![weight lifting martial arts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/back-muscle-beach-ocean.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 8. Spend time in nature The universe has blessed us with an amazing planet. It is a living, breathing thing. To the extent possible, try to spend time outdoors and become one with it. But for that to happen, it will mean turning off the television, putting down your phone and getting away from social media. All of these are external stimuli that you simply don’t need. Some people refer to what I am talking about as [nature therapy](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/). For reasons that aren’t fully known, nature has a way of healing our thoughts and calming our anxieties. But on an intuitive level, doesn’t this make sense? Try hiking on a nature trail or spending time in the woods. If you live in a big city, find whatever natural oasis exists and simply *be* with the outdoors. Finally, if you can spend time near the ocean, a lake or river, do so. Moving water has an impact on the psyche that is healing and restorative. Chalk it up to new ageism I guess. All I know is that water calms. ## 9. Respect yourself There is an old saying and it goes like this: “Never let someone get comfortable [disrespecting you](https://guycounseling.com/comfortable-disrespect-933/).” Whenever you allow someone to call you names, make fun of you or put you down, you are disrespecting yourself. **If you want to be treated with respect, you must first respect yourself**. This means calling out people who treat you badly and if necessary, cutting out toxic a-holes from your life. All these folks do is feed into your negative, internal voice and violate your spirit. By respecting yourself, you forever alter your relationship with anxiety. ## 10. Ditch victimhood You are a powerful person with the ability to positively transform every aspect of your life. But for that to happen, you must stop blaming others for your woes. This is not to minimize any hardships, difficulties or abuses you may have endured. Obviously, they have an impact on all that we think and feel. That said, **there’s a difference between acknowledging the unfortunate and becoming a prisoner to it.** Yes, whatever happened to you earlier in life was horrible. But if you aren’t taking active steps to overcome these difficulties and instead are using them as excuses for “I can’t” statements, you are [engaging in learned helplessness](https://guycounseling.com/comfortable-disrespect-933/). That’s a ten-dollar term used to describe the dynamic where a person refuses to create change in their life because they keep using something bad from their past as a permission slip to stay stuck. If you are doing this, **stop it right now**. All victimhood does is block you from living your life to your full potential. It feeds fear and shame and severely limits your happiness. Here’s the full-on truth. You have only this moment in time. Yesterday is gone. There’s not a damn thing either of us can do about it. The question to focus on now is this: *Are you living in the past or in the present?* ## Wrap Up The tools, ideas, and suggestions mentioned here obviously aren’t a complete list. But they can serve as starting points to address fear and anxiety in your life. You deserve to be happy. Your presence on this planet did not occur through happenstance. You are a gift. Choose inner harmony and peace. Learn to integrate what you feel into your total person. You only have this moment in time. What are you doing with it? **Categories:** Growth, Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, fear, negativity, ocd --- ### [How Tough Was Marcus Aurelius, the Father of Stoicism?](https://guycounseling.com/marcus-aurelius-stoicism/) **Published:** November 2, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Marcus Aurelius](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Marcus-Aurelius.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Marcus Aurelius was Roman Emperor. Photo Credit: Deposit Photos ## Marcus Aurelius: A Closer Look **Marcus Aurelius** is widely regarded as the father of Stoicism. He was a philosopher and Roman emperor whose quotes are nearly unavoidable on social media. Stoicism is based on the idea that virtue and honor should be pursued while you endure the pains and hardships of life with little to no complaint. In a time of pandemics and economic hardships, it’s little wonder why Stoicism has made a huge comeback in modern times. History remembers Marcus Aurelius as a philosophical powerhouse. Yet, in reality, Marcus Aurelius is just one of the famous classical philosophers who followed the ideals of Stoicism. He literally defined what it means to be mentally tough, but how tough was he? Would Marcus Aurelius be able to absorb modern day troubles with the same stoic spirit that he did while he was emperor of Rome? Was he physical tough, mentally tough, or just someone who wrote about it in his journal? Let’s take a closer look at the life and lessons of Marcus Aurelius. ## Physical Toughness You’ve probably seen a bodybuilding post on social media with a quote from Marcus Aurelius. His stoicism quotes are often used to help motivate people to push themselves further in the gym. One of the most popular workout quotes is this one: “Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” – Marcus Aurelius, *The Meditations*. You might’ve also seen someone posting about their tireless workout routine with the caption: “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” From his famous quotes, you’d think that Marcus Aurelius could totally squash a tough workout routine, but was he a physically imposing man in his real life? Well, as a military man, Marcus Aurelius wasn’t exactly a tough soldier like Valerian or Maximinus Thrax. The reign of Marcus Aurelius was troubled with rebellions and foreign uprisings from the Parthians and Germans. There isn’t any surviving record of Aurelius himself doing any of the fighting, but he led a vigorous military campaign to reassert the dominance of Roman rule. According to [Britannica](https://www.britannica.com/biography/Marcus-Aurelius-Roman-emperor/The-Meditations), Marcus Aurelius wasn’t a man of robust physical health. Some of his health problems included chest and stomach pains, poor appetite, and problems sleeping. He had to cope with a chronic ulcer and daily medications. So, it’s safe to say that Aurelius’ physical health didn’t hold with the modern image of a tough guy. Although he wasn’t an imposing fighter or military figure, his struggles to retain good health certainly benefitted from the ideals of Stoicism. He could withstand physical punishment and he constantly dealt with the concept of his own mortality. “When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …” – Marcus Aurelius, *The Meditations*. “Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly. What doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness.” – Marcus Aurelius, *The Meditations*. “Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good.” – Marcus Aurelius, *The Meditations*. [![mental toughness skill development](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/7-Mental-toughnessskills-you-can-growto-become-mentally-stronger.jpg?resize=560%2C315&ssl=1)](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/)Click to learn about mental toughness skills ## Mental Toughness If you’re struggling with difficult people in your life or difficult situations, then Marcus Aurelius quotes can really be helpful. He often spoke about ignoring negativity from others and focusing on your own sense of self-esteem. Aurelius was a proponent of internalizing problematic situations and focusing your attention on things that you can change by ignoring things that you can’t change. Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor during the Golden Age of Rome. He came from a prominent political family; nearly everyone held some sort of high office before or after Aurelius came to power. His transition to power was peaceful and he was popular among the people he ruled over. So, why all the brooding stoicism quotes from his writings? **Related:** [7 ways to increase mental toughness](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/) Marcus Aurelius faced daunting diplomatic challenges. His writings in *The* *Meditations* could be regarded as notes to self. He wasn’t so much as the father of Stoicism as he was the student of the philosophy. All his famous quotes about being mentally tough were his way of cultivating these habits within himself. “When another blames you or hates you, or people voice similar criticisms, go to their souls, penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are. You will realize that there is no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you.” – Marcus Aurelius, *The Meditations*. “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.” – Marcus Aurelius, *The Meditations.* ## The Link Between CBT and Marcus Aurelius Some would argue that without Marcus Aurelius we wouldn’t have Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT. It’s a type of therapy that has been proven effective against depression, anxiety, phobias, and suicidality. In CBT, there’s an underlying concept that your thoughts, actions, and feelings are all connected. CBT implores you to challenge negative belief systems and thoughts to create a new reality for yourself. CBT focuses on your current situation, not so much your past, and the process of developing ways to break out of negative patterns. **Related:** [Learn 7 reasons men seek out therapy](https://guycounseling.com/7-top-reasons-men-seek-therapy/) Donald Robertson, the author of *How to Think Like a Roman Emperor,* has made an extensive study on the life of Marcus Aurelius. He praises Marcus Aurelius for his contribution to philosophy, psychotherapy, and the concept of mental toughness. He also recognizes the connection between the Stoics and modern Cognitive Behavioural Therapists. In an interview with [DailyStoic.com](https://dailystoic.com/donald-robertson-interview-2/), Robertson noted that, “Greek and Roman Stoicism inspired cognitive therapy, as we’ve seen, which is actually known to be an effective approach to coping with pain. The Stoics clearly distinguish the sensations of pain and discomfort, which they view with neutrality and indifference, from our emotional distress in response to pain, which they view as, at least in part, under our voluntary control and worth improving.  Most people feel frustrated with pain, focus on it, and struggle with it emotionally, and even in terms of their behaviour. The Stoics teach a radical acceptance of pain, which is actually consistent with modern evidence-based psychotherapy.” ![mindfulness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio-and-cancer-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Mental Toughness is in the mind. Photo Credit: Pexels ## Emotional Toughness One of the prevailing components of Stoicism is anger management. In fact, Marcus Aurelius himself struggled to control his anger. There is an entire section of his work, *The Meditations,* which deals exclusively with anger management. So, this book was a self-help journal for Aurelius. “From Rusticus, I gained the idea that I was in need of correction and therapy for my character,” he wrote. Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor, and that high office would certainly have moments that challenged his ability to control his emotional resilience. Stoicism was a terrific way for him to redirect his energy to things that mattered the most. Instead of rising up in anger, he could challenge the thoughts and feelings to see if they rang true. “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?” And here’s another: “The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” Marcus Aurelius clearly wanted to cultivate a sense of emotional toughness in himself. It’s something that he struggled with in his own life. The widespread publication of his struggles with emotional toughness makes him worthy of the accolades bestowed to him by later historians. ## So, How Tough Was Marcus Aurelius? Although Marcus Aurelius gets most of the credit for being the father of Stoicism, he wasn’t the originator of the concept. Aurelius learned Stoicism from Epictetus, Plato, Zeno, Sextus of Chaeronea, and other philosophers that came before him. Yet, he excelled at marketing it to the rest of the world because he was a Roman emperor. Marcus Aurelius benefitted from living in the time of Roman greatness known as the Golden Era. He wasn’t a particularly exemplary statesman or military commander. His philosophy is popular now, but it borrowed heavily from the philosophers that came before him. Marcus Aurelius’ stoicism is all about conquering anger, overcoming self-doubt, reigning in bad habits, and coming face to face with one’s own mortality. These are inner demons that men grapple with on a daily basis. So, the words of Marcus Aurelius have lots of value for the modern man even though Aurelius wasn’t the tough guy that history paints him to be. He was resilient and dealt with personal adversities in a very public way. That alone makes him a model for modern men to follow. **Categories:** Field Notes, Growth, Mind, Psychology **Tags:** CBT, mental toughness --- ### [10 Ways Hypnotherapy Helps Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) **Published:** December 2, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man lake hypnotherapy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-lake.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Learn how hypnotherapy may help with anxiety](#Learn_how_hypnotherapy_may_help_with_anxiety) - [What is hypnosis?](#What_is_hypnosis) - [Does Hypnotherapy Work?](#Does_Hypnotherapy_Work) - [Clinical Hypnotherapy for Anxiety](#Clinical_Hypnotherapy_for_Anxiety) - [1. Lessen intensity of panic attacks](#1_Lessen_intensity_of_panic_attacks) - [2. Reduce ritualistic behaviors](#2_Reduce_ritualistic_behaviors) - [3. Ameliorate PTSD symptoms](#3_Ameliorate_PTSD_symptoms) - [4. Work through phobias](#4_Work_through_phobias) - [5. Move past a fear of flying](#5_Move_past_a_fear_of_flying) - [6. Coping with social anxiety](#6_Coping_with_social_anxiety) - [7. Separation anxiety](#7_Separation_anxiety) - [8. Cope with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)](#8_Cope_with_Generalized_Anxiety_Disorder_GAD) - [9. Building inner confidence](#9_Building_inner_confidence) - [10. Skip nervous eating](#10_Skip_nervous_eating) - [How to Find a Hypnotherapist](#How_to_Find_a_Hypnotherapist) - [Difference Between a Hypnotist and Clinical Hypnotherapist?](#Difference_Between_a_Hypnotist_and_Clinical_Hypnotherapist) - [Common Hypnotherapy Myths](#Common_Hypnotherapy_Myths) - [Hypnotherapy, Anxiety and You](#Hypnotherapy_Anxiety_and_You) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Learn how hypnotherapy may help with anxiety Struggling with anxiety? Wondering if hypnotherapy can help you with problems like panic attacks, phobias, and fears? Hoping to find a natural way to feel calmer? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. It is estimated that nearly [20% of all Americans](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder) struggle with some type of anxiety disorder. As a result, many people search for alternative pathways to healing with hypnotherapy leading the pack on a quest towards wellness. **In this article, you will learn:** - A basic definition of hypnosis - How hypnotherapy works for anxiety - The basics of clinical hypnotherapy - 10 ways hypnotherapy may help with anxiety - How to find a hypnotherapist - Common myths associated with hypnosis - A resource for more learning Before continuing, it’s important to clear your mind of any preconceived notions about the practice of hypnosis. That’s because much of the imagery associated with hypnotherapy has been misrepresented in the media. To help provide more clarity on this topic, I’ve included an educational video featuring psychiatrist Dr. Clyde Spiegel, an assistant professor of medicine at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. ## What is hypnosis? At its core, hypnosis is nothing more than a heightened state of awareness. While in a hypnotic state (trance) you are completely awake and conscious. You hear everything around you and are totally aware of your environment. While in this altered state, suggestions are given to you that are directly linked to your goals. For example, if you want to overcome a spider-phobia, suggestions may be given that help lower the intensity of your response the next time you encounter this creature. In short, hypnosis helps to relax the mind, empowering you to refocus your thinking through the subconscious. ## Does Hypnotherapy Work? For many people, the answer is yes. We know from mounds of clinical research that hypnotherapy can benefit people with certain mental health issues, such as anxiety. For example, a 2017 [study](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00207144.2018.1461472) demonstrated that participants who took part in hypnotherapy treatments experienced meaningful improvement of their symptoms. ## Clinical Hypnotherapy for Anxiety Bear in mind that clinical hypnotherapy is not a standalone form of treatment. Instead, [clinical hypnotherapy](https://www.apa.org/topics/hypnosis/media.aspx) is a procedure that can be used to facilitate other forms of therapy (APA, 2018). An example might be a licensed psychotherapist, such as a psychologist, combining cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), with hypnotherapy, to help someone with panic disorder. In this way, CBT is the primary form of treatment. Hypnotherapy is introduced as an adjunct to reinforce cognitive messaging. Let’s turn our attention now to the 10 ways hypnotherapy may help with anxiety. ![hypnotherapy for anxiety ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/lake-moisturizer-men.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Hypnotherapy may help promote inner calmness ## 1. Lessen intensity of panic attacks If you struggle with panic attacks as part of panic disorder, hypnotherapy may help to lessen the intensity of your attacks and minimize the triggers. This is accomplished by: - Teaching you how to calm yourself through mindfulness. - Helping you to create new thinking around triggers. - Establishing a mental place of safety during the onset of an attack. ## 2. Reduce ritualistic behaviors People who struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) often engage in ritualistic behaviors. Hypnotherapy may help soften the need to engage in these rituals and reduce the sense of dread. This is accomplished by: - Imparting positive affirmations designed to counteract compulsions. - Creating a sense of calm in the subconscious, which informs the conscious mind. - Helping you to become an observer of your thoughts and not compelled by them. ## 3. Ameliorate PTSD symptoms Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a serious mental health challenge that impacts millions of people each year. Military veterans, abuse survivors, and persons involved in a perceived life-threatening event often experience debilitating symptoms as a result. Hypnotherapy may help by: - Reducing the impact of PTSD triggers. - Reinforcing a sense of calm when triggering memories surface. - Adjusting your reaction to fear-producing stimuli. ## 4. Work through phobias A phobia is an intense psychological and emotional reaction to an object, place, or thing. An example might be having a phobic response to feathers or experiencing paralyzing panic when in the presence of a clown. Hypnotherapy may offer relief by: - Teaching you how to calmly react to phobic stimuli. - Restructuring your thoughts to feel less panic. - Helping you to observe your fears as opposed to being crippled by them. ## 5. Move past a fear of flying Are you afraid to fly? Many people are, particularly if they have experienced a turbulent flight in the past. Known in clinical circles as *aerophobia*, people with this condition struggle to travel for work or pleasure because they can’t bring themselves to step on a plane. Hypnotherapy may help by: - Teaching you breathing techniques when feeling nervous. - Calming your thoughts when turbulence occurs. - Encouraging you to calmly respond when you hear strange sounds. ## 6. Coping with social anxiety People with social anxiety typically experience an intense fear of social situations or when they are expected to perform. An example might be attending a crowded concert or worries about giving a public speech. Hypnotherapy might help by: - Teaching you how to use visualization techniques to lower anxiety while reframing distortions. - Changing irrational, negative thinking. - Encouraging you to look at your anxiety through the lens of acceptance, which paradoxically makes fear less powerful. This is a core concept of acceptance and commitment therapy, also [known as ACT](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/). ## 7. Separation anxiety When we hear the term separation anxiety, we often think of children who are afraid of being away from a caretaker. The hard truth is adults suffer from this condition, too. The key feature of separation anxiety is a deeply held fear of being separated from a loved one (spouse, children). Compounding those fears are worries about harm being visited upon the loved one while away. Examples include a car accident or a mugging. Using hypnotherapy, you may: - Lessen the impact of fear at the time of separation. - Discover new and healthy ways of coping with worry. - Learn more productive ways of thinking about separation. ## 8. Cope with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) As the name implies, GAD is a condition whereby a person experiences excessive worry about a number of topics. Examples include concerns about loved ones, employment, health, and finances. Targeted hypnotherapy may by: - Teaching you to have a different relationship with your thoughts, thereby lessening the impact of anxiety. - Refocusing your awareness on the present, thereby helping you to avoid obsessive thoughts. - Relaxing your mind so that you can sleep. ## 9. Building inner confidence Many people living with anxiety struggle with self-esteem and confidence. This is particularly true when negative self-talk permeates the mind. Hypnotherapy may be beneficial by: - Helping you integrate new, more productive thinking. - Teaching you creative visualization skills that are designed to build confidence. - Guiding you to a place of change by transforming the relationship with your thoughts. ## 10. Skip nervous eating If you find yourself nibbling on unhealthy foods, sometimes without thinking, you may be a nervous eater. This is particularly true if you are going through a stressful life event, [such as a breakup](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) or job loss. Hypnotherapy may offer relief by: - Creating greater awareness around food. - Encouraging calmer thoughts, particularly during difficult moments. - Teaching you new ways to think about eating so that food does not become a magnet. ![hypnosis and anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio-and-cancer-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Creating calmness is part of hypnotherapy ## How to Find a Hypnotherapist Clinical hypnotherapy should only be performed by a mental health professional or medical provider with special training and certification in the art of hypnosis. **Look for:** - Someone licensed to do therapy. - Holds an advanced degree, such as a masters or doctorate in a field related to mental health or medicine. - Certified by a national hypnosis or hypnotherapy association. You can find qualified hypnotherapists online through organizations like: - The National Board of Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists (NBCCH) - The American Academy of Medical Hypnoanalysts (AAMH) - The American Society of Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH) ## Difference Between a Hypnotist and Clinical Hypnotherapist? If your goal is to learn relaxation techniques or receive instruction on self-hypnosis, working with a certified hypnotist may work just fine. However, if you are seeking treatment for a mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression, you should only work with a licensed mental health professional or medical doctor who holds certification in clinical hypnotherapy. ## Common Hypnotherapy Myths There are several myths associated with hypnotherapy, thanks to inaccurate representations on television and in films. What follows are some of the big ones. Do any of these seem familiar? - Hypnosis can make you act against your will - You won’t remember anything from the hypnotic experience - Hypnotherapy can be used to supplant subliminal messages that will cause you to act wild (ex. bark like a dog) - You are put to sleep during hypnosis - [Erotic hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-10-facts-you-might-not-know/) can be used to make another person fall in love - Clinical hypnotherapy and stage hypnosis are the same ## Hypnotherapy, Anxiety and You If you are being treated for anxiety by a mental health professional, clinical hypnosis most likely will be used as part of the counseling process. Most therapists teach patients self-hypnosis skills with an eye on anxiety reduction. In turn, you can call upon these skills to help yourself remain centered and calm. If you are experiencing symptoms of an anxiety disorder, such as panic attacks, excessive worry, or increased nervousness, it’s important to talk to a doctor or qualified mental health clinician. Doing so allows your health care professional to evaluate your situation and arrive at a proper diagnosis. If appropriate, hypnotherapy may be recommended as part of an overall treatment approach. Bear in mind that hypnotherapy doesn’t work for everyone. The truth is, there are some folks who simply can’t be hypnotized. In addition, certain types of mental health challenges are inappropriate for hypnotherapy. Examples include dissociative disorder, ongoing substance abuse, and specific psychotic disorders. Some medications may interfere with the ability to be hypnotized. For all of these reasons, it is important to work with a licensed healthcare professional. ## Wrap Up In the final analysis, it’s up to you and your doctor to decide if hypnotherapy is suitable for your situation. A great resource to consider is Hypnotherapy for Dummies ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2SlICWd)). If you are looking for alternative ways to move through anxiety, hypnotherapy may be a powerful tool for lasting change. **References:** Hypnosis today: Looking beyond the media portrayal (2018). American Psychological Association. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Hypnotherapy, Mental Health --- ### [How To Develop Situational Awareness Skills for Survival](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/) **Published:** October 6, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![situational awareness skill building training ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/situational-awareness-training-and-skills.jpg?resize=520%2C341&ssl=1 "Situational Awareness")Situational Awareness Training Skills ## **How to Develop Situational Awareness** **Situational awareness** is one of those buzz terms that became popularized in the movie, [*Bourne Identity*](http://amzn.to/2dExeW3) starring Matt Damon. Appearing to possess almost supernatural abilities, Damon’s character, Jason Bourne, seemed to have a sixth sense that allowed him to anticipate the actions of others. Here’s a scene from the film as an example: ## **Situational Awareness Real?** So you’re probably wondering – what’s the deal? Is situational awareness a real thing or is it some nonsense thought up by Hollywood writers. The honest answer is – yes – situational awareness is very real. It’s also a guy skill that you can possess, similar to what you saw in the Bourne Identity movies. There is one catch. You have to be willing to open your mind and train it to think in new and different ways. In this article, I’m going to: - Teach you how to develop you’re very own situational awareness skills. - Introduce you to three psychological constructs linked to situational awareness. - Provide exercises to develop and strengthen your skills. - Reveal common myths associated with situational awareness. - Offer resources for the future. Before exploring specifics on skill development, it’s important to offer a working definition of what situational awareness is. More importantly, I’ll also explain what situational awareness is not. Let’s jump right in! ![Situational Awareness Definition ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/situational-awareness-survival-training.jpg?resize=520%2C256&ssl=1)Situational Awareness Definition ## **Situational Awareness Definition** Situational Awareness (SA) is an individual’s perception of what’s going on around them involving the constructs of *time* and *space*. - Time: how a person experiences time in the moment. - Space: motions, sounds and behavior of objects within the immediate environment. Examples of situational awareness: - Sensing someone wants to hit you before they raise a hand. - Being aware of someone following you. - Quickly identifying things that others don’t notice (i.e. a weapon). ## **What Situational Awareness is Not** If you were hoping SA was a supernatural power that allowed you to read minds, I’m sorry to disappoint. But the good news is that SA does offer you greater control over your environment. As a counselor and educator, I’ve spent years working with people in the military and private sector to help them enhance their personal SA skills. What I am going to teach you is what I’ve taught folks I’ve coached. The only difference is that you’ll be reading this material instead of our working with me in a face to face setting. ## **Psychology of Situational Awareness** In order to develop your personal SA skills, it’s important to know about three psychological principles: 1. Cognitions 2. Cognitive Distortions 3. Mindfulness Based Living Let’s take a quick look at all three because you’ll need to know about them as we continue along the way. Ive provided an example for each term to help with comprehension. ![Cognitions and Situational Awareness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/cognitions.jpg?resize=520%2C347&ssl=1)Cognitions **1. Cognitions** While it may sound like a fancy term, [*cognitions*](http://eab.sagepub.com/content/34/5/561.short) are really nothing more than the process of understanding through *thinking*, *synthesizing* and *experiencing*. Example: While sitting in your living room, you hear the bark of a dog in the distance. As you focus your attention on the barking, you realize the tone and pitch are familiar. By synthesizing the information taken in from your environment, instinctively you know: - The dog’s bark does not indicate danger - That it’s 6pm, without having to look at your watch - Your neighbor is pulling into his driveway - The “bark” is an indication of excitement - The dog’s barking will cease in 30 seconds. Cognitions allow us to absorb material from our surroundings and then draw conclusions based on what we are experiencing. If our mind is clear and free, the process of synthesis becomes easier. In the case of the barking dog, you were able to identify the source of the noise, establish why you were hearing it and anticipate when the barking would cease. Here, you have used cognitions for everything described above, reinforced through observation and the identification of patternistic behaviors. ![cognitive distortions situational awarness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/cognitive-distortions-3.jpg?resize=521%2C346&ssl=1)Cognitive Distortions & Situational Awareness **2. Cognitive Distortions** Related to cognitions are [*cognitive distortions*](http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/). In a nutshell, cognitive distortions can be anything that bends, skews or distorts the way you think about something and interpret its meaning. This construct is generally tied to mood, however, in the case of SA, there’s a slight twist. Example: One morning at work, your boss comes up to you and issues a reprimand for using the company’s Internet for personal use. As a result, you feel guilty and ashamed. When you leave work that night and swipe out, the security guard glances at you for a brief moment. For some reason, you think: - The guard knows you got into trouble for breaking company policy. - This same guard believes you are a dishonest person. - Others likely know about the reprimand as well. Because of events earlier that morning with your boss, you’ve assigned meaning to other people’s intent. The conclusions you’ve drawn may or *may not* be accurate*.* In the case of the security guard, it’s *possible* he had knowledge that you’d been written up. But logic suggests that’s very unlikely. The more plausible scenario is that he looked at you because that’s his job – after all, he is supposed to check out anyone entering or exiting the building. But because you are holding feelings of shame and guilt, you are unintentionally distorting reality by jumping to conclusions. **3. Mindfulness Based Living** Mindfulness based living is an offshoot of the larger psychological construct, [*mindfulness*](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/). In plain-speak, mindfulness is a state of being where a person brings to bear all 5 senses to the *here and now* – meaning this very moment in time. Mindfulness also allows for a cognitive behavioral style of thinking known as [Acceptance and Commitment](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) (ACT for short). When you adopt the ACT approach, you acknowledge that random thoughts will float into and out of your consciousness. You also accept these thoughts for what they are and don’t try to stop them. We know from a host of scientific [studies](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0005796778900475) that “thought stopping” doesn’t work. In fact, it can make intrusive thoughts worse. That’s why it’s better to acknowledge and accept random streams of consciousness as they happen and naturally let them pass. I recognize the material being outlined here is deep. But if enhancing situational awareness is your endgame, it’s important material to cover. ![Mindfulness and Situational Awareness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/misty-woods.jpg?resize=525%2C295&ssl=1)Mindfulness and Situational Awareness When you combine the elements described under this area, you end up with Mindfulness Based Living. Example: You wake up in the morning and intentionally empty your mind of all thoughts (i.e. the list of deliverables for the day). Once your mind is clear, you focus your awareness on the present moment. Using all five of your senses, you: - Realize your automatic coffee maker has finished the brew cycle. - Smell the fresh aroma of coffee beans. - Experience the sensation of cool sheets against your skin. - Hear this distant call of a seagull, above the sound of traffic. - Notice that it’s sunny outside with a slight overcast. - See a tiny crack on the ceiling. Mindfulness based living allowed you to experience all that was described above. That’s because you were totally focused in the moment. In many ways, being in a state of mindfulness is similar to [self-hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/what-is-hypnosis-hypnotherapy/). The operative keywords here are *mindfulness based living*. This means rather than simply being aware of your environment, you are *living* in it – with all five senses. Make sense? ## **Developing Your Situational Awareness Triad (SAT)** Based on what you read above, it becomes clear that in order to develop and enhance your own situational awareness, a focus needs to be placed on the previously mentioned triad of skills. And that’s what we’re talking about folks – a triarchic approach. All three are necessarily if you are to operate a level similar to what you saw in the Jason Bourne movies. What follows are skill building exercises for each area of the triad. You’ll notice that I’ve put more “meat” into the mindfulness because ultimately, that’s what SA is all about. ![Skill Building for Situational Awareness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hiker-984083_640.jpg?resize=514%2C306&ssl=1)Skill Building for Situational Awareness ## **Cognitive Development Skill Building** Without cognitive skills, the ability to use SA mute. And while you may already be a good “thinker”, it’s important to bone up in this area to achieve maximum results. Generally speaking, there are 8 empirically known ways to increase cognitive skills. These include: - Physical activity - Creativity - Social connectives - Brain training games (i.e. puzzles) - Ample sleep and rest - Reduction of stress - Open mindedness - Meditation There’s no need for me to walkthrough all of these areas because most are self-explanatory. But I will say that brain training games, physical activity and creative skills are key. Here is why: Brain Training Brain training games allow you increase cognitive skills by stimulating the prefrontal cortex and temporal lobe; two areas that are responsible for critical thinking. Puzzles, word association and memorization games are excellent options. Chess and checkers are also good choices. If you are looking for a kind of all in one resource to build and increase your critical thinking skills, there’s a great workbook available from Amazon entitled: [*Brain Games*](http://amzn.to/2cSDdWj). Physical Activity When you are physically active, you are necessarily taking in stimuli from your environment. We’re talking about sensations like touch, sound, sight, smell and to a lesser degree, taste. One doesn’t need to go to the gym to become physically active. You can do things at home that help you become more attuned to your body and environment. [Plyometric movements](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) are a great starting point. If you are already physically active, great. But if you are lacking in this area, I encourage you to read the 7 secrets of people who regularly embrace exercise. Creative Skills In a nutshell, creative skills allow you to apply abstract thinking to the non-abstract. Examples: Painting something on a canvas you see in your mind’s eye. Building a piece of furniture from scratch. Writing a short story, blog post or article. Here the thing about creative skills – they pull from your brain’s *Inferior Frontal Gyrus*: an area that synthesizes material it receives through experiential learning. That’s a mouthful but as you now see, all of these things are connected. ![Reducing Cognitive Distortions ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnotherapy-chicago-homework.jpg?resize=486%2C344&ssl=1)Situational Awareness & Reducing Cognitive Distortions **Reducing Cognitive Distortions Activities** All of us experience cognitive distortions. It is part of what makes us human. This bending of reality happens when we are stressed, experience a depressed mood or when we are anxious. Some have theorized cognitive distortions are a primal psychological defense mechanism. Others have suggested they are a symptom of mood, regulated by hormonal changes in the brain. In the final analysis, it kind of doesn’t matter. What does matter, however, is your ability to recognize when cognitive distortions are taking place. Otherwise, your ability to truly practice situational awareness becomes limited. The best way to minimize cognitive distortions is to challenge irrational thoughts. This means questioning a perception based on the facts. Example: Imagine you’re hunting in the winter woods. Somehow, you’ve become separated from your friends. It’s 20 below zero. You’re hungry, thirsty and tired. Operating on [survival mode](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/), you begin searching for shelter. In the distance, you see what looks like a cabin. Your mind starts to fill in the blanks, made up of assumptions based on magical thinking. Suddenly, you become excited, believing that: - The cabin is abandoned - There’s food in the cabin - Firewood is already chopped and ready to be lit The problem here is that we haven’t established that a cabin actually exists. But because of your emotional state, which is largely anxious and frightened, your mind begins to bend (distort) reality. In order to combat cognitive distortions, it’s important to mentally “push back” and challenge thoughts and assess if they are grounded in fact or based on the emotions of the moment. To help you better accomplish this goal, I’m going to include a video below that walks you through the nuts and bolts of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). One final thought on CBT. It takes time and focus in order to train your brain to think logically. Spock, the fictional character from the science fiction franchise, *Star Trek*, is probably one of the most easily recognizable examples of someone who had this skill mastered. But if you followed the series and character, you know that he often engaged in quiet time to help strengthen his ability to think logically. One of my favorite books that’s all about challenging irrational thoughts is: [*Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy*](http://amzn.to/2dxFHXq) by Dr. David Burns. What’s great about this read are the practical exercises inside, designed to help you break irrational patterns of thinking; distorted cognitions that can act as blockades to greater SA. This brings us to our next and final point, Mindfulness Based Living. **Mindfulness Based Living** To live mindfully, one must live in the here and now. That may sound cliché but it also happens to be true. But what does it *really* mean to be in the here and now? Well, in a nutshell “here and now” living requires that you clear your mind of extraneous material become one with your environment. There’s no real way in this single article for me to teach everything you need to know about mindfulness based living (MBL). But what I can do is give you a mindfulness based exercise designed to help you enhance situational awareness. Think of this as a starting point. ![reducing distortions exericse](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/morning-pic.jpg?resize=520%2C347&ssl=1)Morning Exercise Mindful Morning Exercise If you’re like most people, you likely wake up in the morning with a brain full of races with thoughts. It can be a non-stop tickertape of: *What’s on the agenda today? Who do I need to contact? Where do I need to be?* Sound familiar? People who have enhanced situational awareness, however, start their day much differently. Here’s how: Before they open their eyes, they are aware of what’s happening in their immediate environment – similar to what I spoke about earlier in the mindfulness based living section. You too can start doing this, simply by practicing and regularizing this morning exercise. I’ll walk you through the “How To” aspects below: 1\) When you first start to awaken, intentionally clear your mind of racing thoughts. One easy way to do this is to ask yourself: *What am I aware of?* 2\) Using your five tactile senses, begin to identify what’s going on in your immediate environment. Questions to reflect upon: - Do you feel the cool sheets touching your skin? - Do you hear the sound of birds in the distance? - Do you smell coffee brewing? - Do you taste anything? - Do you have the urge to go to the bathroom? - Do you see sunlight coming through the window? Notice that by focusing your attention on *what* is happening in your immediate environment, the previously mentioned racing thoughts have paused. I won’t belabor the point here except to suggest that one of the best ways to live more mindfully is engross yourself in MBL concepts. Meditation, creative visualization and self-hypnosis are major components of the MBL schema. One resource to consider is [*Mindfulness for Dummies*](http://amzn.to/2dt4UUB). The learning concepts and exercises included are straight forward and simple with a little Buddha stirred into the mix. ![hypnosis in chicago sleep pain](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnisis-in-chicago-sleep-and-pain.jpg?resize=517%2C308&ssl=1)Applying Constructs of Situational Awareness ## **Situational Awareness in Practice** Once you become comfortable with the previously mentioned skills, you’ll be able to apply what you’ve learned as part of SA. You will be bringing to bear all of your cognitive skills here, cleared of distortions and mindful of the moment. Step 1: Establish a Baseline In psychology, a baseline is nothing more than a starting point. Baselines entail what one would expect in a given environment. Here are some examples: - At a baseball game, you would expect cheering crowds, people getting up and down from their seats and vendors going up and down the rows to sell food. - At a library, you would expect to find a quiet environment with people reading books and occasionally speaking is soft whispers. - Flying on a commercial jet, you would expect to hear the whining engines and feel occasional turbulence. When we establish baselines, we effectively ask ourselves, *What am I aware of?* Using all of your senses, what would one expect to find in a given situation. Without baselines, we can’t spot oddities, meaning divergent objects, places or things. Retired Navy SEAL Clint Emerson explores this concept in his book: [*100 Deadly Skills*](http://amzn.to/2dwbg4v) where he teaches readers how to quickly identify the non-normal, using some of the mindful concepts we explored earlier. Establishing baselines happens through the art of questioning. This requires curiosity with emotional distance. If you have ever worked with a medical doctor, therapist or other healthcare provider, you’ve probably noticed they give off a “detached vibe”. Doing so allows them to assess the situation through a clinical lens, which is similar to how you might go about establishing a baseline. Questions to Establish a Baseline: - What am I aware of in this environment? - What behaviors seem “normal” that I’m observing? - Are there any patterns? - What seems out of place? ![Situational Awareness Scenario](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/situational-awareness-in-a-coffee-shop.jpg?resize=520%2C345&ssl=1)Situational Awareness Scenario: What Are You Aware Of? Example Baseline Scenario Assume you are in Chicago on a warm summer weekday morning. In search of a cup of joe, you spot a café on a busy downtown street. You decide to go for it walk in. As the door closes behind you, it becomes immediately obvious that the air conditioning is on; a reprieve from the 85 degree temps outside. Taking it all in, you notice most of the tables are full. People are talking in with low voices and almost everyone is wearing light clothing. Using the baseline questions above, here’s how you quickly identify what’s abnormal. **Q: What am I aware of in this café?** A: People are ordering beverages while others are seated.  Customers are drinking coffee or chatting with someone. The place looks crowded, which is what one would expect in a Chicago café during a weekday morning. **Q: What behaviors seem normal that I’m observing?** A: Drink ordering by café patrons. People reading or talking quietly. Almost everyone is dressed is dressed in light garb because it’s a warm day. **Q: What patterns do I see?** A: Most of the seated customers are using a shared table, meaning they may or may not know the person sitting across from them. Again, not uncommon in a café. **Q: What seems out of place?** There’s a man seated alone at a corner table. He’s wearing a [green bomber jacket](http://amzn.to/2cUX1IB) over a t-shirt. He doesn’t seem to be reading anything in particular but instead, shifting his attention around the café with darting eyes. **Analysis through Synthesis** Upon reflection, the anomaly in the café is the man seated alone at a corner table. Not only does he fall outside of the patterns mentioned above, he’s also wearing a jacket; something highly unusual for summer. And his shifty behavior also seems different than the laid back ebb and flow of the other customers. Does he present a threat to you or others in the café? It’s really hard to know at this point. But what you do know is he’s on your radar, which places you in a much better position to respond to whatever he may or may not do. given the information you have in the moment however, the man at the corner table is on your radar now, isn’t he? This places you in a much better position to respond, whatever he may or may not do. ![blue green eye](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/tyler-hoechlin-eye.jpg?resize=500%2C316&ssl=1)Body Language and Situational Awareness **Body Language** There are other ways to assess the environment that involve interpreting intent and deception through body language. While impossible to share all of the behavioral markers here, there are a few to be aware of: Hand Wringing, Shifty Hands and Clinched Fists People who are nervous or anxious will often engage in hand wringing. It’s a subconscious way of reacting to stress and can be done with one hand or both. People who are trying to conceal often have shifty hands. This is why law enforcement officials say things like: *Show me your hands* when then are suspicious of someone. Here’s why: They know there’s a high probability that someone looking to do harm may be concealing something (i.e. a gun, knife or other weapon) in one of their hands. An instinctual response to anger is the clinching of fists. Whenever a person has a fist balled up (one or both) it’s a strong indicator they are in an agitated state. If you are interested in learning more about this topic, I encourage you to get a copy of [*The Definitive Book of Body Language*](http://amzn.to/2dwhIby), available on Amazon. ## **Turning Critical Thinking into Actions** Using the café example previously described, let’s go one step further and ratchet up the danger factor. Now that you are keenly aware of the man in the corner, you begin to focus your attention on his actions. Upon closer observation, you see that he has one hand covering a pointy object, resting on the table. While hard to tell, it looks like it could be a gun. But you can’t really be sure. So what should you do? There are really only a couple of choices here: - Confront the man and ask him what’s under his hand - Alert a café employee about your suspicions - Leave the cafe because it doesn’t feel safe Unless you are in law enforcement, the only *real* choice is to leave the café. We know from self-defense research that the best way to survive a threatening situation is to avoid confrontation in the first place. Think about it. If you confront the man, you run the risk of being shot. If you try to discretely alert a barista, you’re extending your time in a potentially dangerous situation. By exiting the café (and hopefully calling 911), you preserve a number of options; namely your life. In real life, people don’t get all “Jason Bourne” unless they have to. Make sense? ![Inner Voice](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Guy-Counseling-Life-Coaching.jpg?resize=544%2C324&ssl=1)Inner Voice ## **Primal Skills: Inner Voice** One topic that is not often talked about when developing SA is our *inner voice*. Some people refer to this as our “Spidey Sense” or a “Sixth Sense”. While these terms may seem comical if not silly, your inner voice is very real. All animals, including humans, have a [*primal instinct*](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/07351698209533436?journalCode=hpsi20). Think of this as nature’s survival “chip”; a kind of warning system that informs us of a threatening situation. Some mammals are more attuned to this instinct than others. For example, it is a scientific fact that some dogs are able to sense an earthquake before it strikes. Don’t believe me? Check out this video of a dog using his own primal instinct to escape danger ten full seconds before the ground starts shaking. And so my point here is if you want to truly develop situational awareness, it’s important to lean into your inner voice. As a species, we are fairly good at intuiting what’s going on around us. But because we live in a modern world, filled with electronic distractions and noises, we’ve grown accustomed to allowing technology to intuit for us. ## **Build Skills Through Practice** If you want to enhance your own empathic abilities, which is really a form of mindfulness, it is critical that you practice all of the skills mentioned here. At some point, all of that practice will transform into a way of living. In other words, you won’t have to “think” about establishing a baseline. Instead, it will become part of your psychological schema. ## **Myths About Situational Awareness** Just for fun, I thought it would be interesting to list several common myths connected to situational awareness. Most are based on Hollywood stereotypes: - Only military people have situational awareness - Law enforcement people should only use SA - Men are better at establishing baselines than women - Situational awareness is nothing more than being “aware” ## **Books on Situational Awareness** There two books available on Amazon that I’d like to recommend. One is called [*Left of Bang*](http://amzn.to/2dtKGdA) and the other is [*Spy Secrets that Can Save Your Life*](http://amzn.to/2d4kTHZ). Both are excellent resources to consult as part of your own situational awareness development. I’ll end by asking you: *What are you aware of in your environment right now?* I hope you have found the material shared here useful. — **References:** Abnormal Psychology. Ronald Comer of Princeton University. Worth Publishing. Effect of thought-stopping on thoughts, mood and corrugator EMG in depressed patients. Teasdale and Rezin. University of Oxford Department of Psychiatry. 1977. Toward a Social Psychology of Place: Predicting Behavior from Place-Based Cognitions, Attitude, and Identity (Sage) 15 Cognitive Distortions: Psych Central [Towards a Theory of Situational Awareness](http://uwf.edu/skass/documents/HF.37.1995-Endsley-Theory.pdf). Clinical and technical in nature, this peer reviewed article appearing in *Human Factors* does a great job of providing definition and meaning to all that we’ve been talking about. **Categories:** Growth, Guy Skills **Tags:** Cognitive Skills, Guy Skills, Mindfulness, Safety, Situational Awareness --- ### [7 Tips For Reclaiming Your Finances](https://guycounseling.com/7-tips-for-reclaiming-your-finances/) **Published:** November 11, 2018 **Author:** Devin Jackson Randall **Content:** ## [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-money.jpeg?resize=1024%2C678&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-money.jpeg?ssl=1) ## 7 Tips For Reclaiming Your Finances Are you stressed about paying bills? Feel like money comes in one second and goes out the next? Did you recently go through a big financial emergency and now have nothing left? Are you worried about your future financial situation? Don’t worry, a lot of us have those same feelings at different points in our lives. The key towards getting over those hurtles is to actively work on our finances. You have to be strategic and persistent if you want to make money and keep it. If you’ve ever worried about your finances, or you’re worrying about them now, here’s a short list of advice to help you along your way to better times. Head the advice, work on your finances, and never look back. ### 1. Create A Budget The most important thing that anyone can be doing for their own finances is to create a budget. While businesses and the rich can hire people to do that for them, we are not so lucky. We have to put in the work for ourselves. Creating a budget will help you to visualize how much you can afford to spend on any little thing. Make sure to cover the essentials first like rent, utilities, and groceries. After that, you can go on to the slightly lesser essential list like [car and health insurance](https://www.motor1.com/reviews/396816/cheap-auto-insurance/). Then keep going down the list until you have the wants like entertainment and clothing money. The hope is that once you have those figures written down, you can bring them up in your head when it’s time to pay for something. Imagine, you’re out with friends and they want to go to a mall. You all then walk into a clothing store. Think. Can you afford to buy a new shirt? How much clothing money did you budget for yourself? Not enough? Then don’t buy one. ### 2. Use Budgeting Apps/Resources To help you out with making a budget, there are a plethora of resources available. For instance, Microsoft Excel, a widely used and purchased program, provides a few budgeting templates for free. That said, there are several programs, which are made expressively for the purpose of helping people budget more. Two that I would recommend are Mint and You Need A Budget. [Mint is a program that’s best used for looking back.](https://www.mint.com/) How much money did you spend in the last month? How much was spent on restaurants? How much did you spend at clothing stores? Mint is mostly focused on giving you a good perspective on how you spend your money (past tense). Unfortunately, that means Mint doesn’t work great for people who want to plan for the future. If you want a program that helps you plan for the future, [you should look into You Need A Budget](https://www.youneedabudget.com/). You Need A Budget is one of, if not the, most recognized and celebrated budgeting programs out there today. The program goes out of it’s way to make budgeting easy and accessible. Plus, it really helps with that visualizing your wallet aspect. That said, You Need A Budget costs a little over $80 annually while Mint is free. Really factor the prices in before picking a program, or do some research into other budgeting resources. ### [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/smartphone.jpeg?resize=1024%2C728&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/smartphone.jpeg?ssl=1) ### 3. Live Within/Below Your Means Once you have a budget, it’s important to stick to it. Don’t live outside your means. So, if you make $30,000 a year, don’t go around spending $31,000 a year. It’s important that you become aware of how much money is going out and where it’s going out to. Are you spending money on Starbucks too frequently? Can you afford that Spotify Premium account? If you’re reading this article up to this point, you probably need to get control of your finances. The biggest reason for that is most likely because you spend too much money. Fixing that will help to fix your finances. Start spending less and saving more. While it’s not as fun as buying that new PlayStation game, it will start to feel nice every time you break into a new thousand dollars in your bank account. And that’s a gift that will keep giving. ### 4. Create An Emergency Fund On top of that, it’s good to save money in case of any emergency. Life is hard and life can throw punches at any second. Give yourself a defensive edge with some proper savings. Whether you get into an accident or develop some kind of illness, have some kind of emergency while traveling abroad, or something random like a tree falling down on your house or car, having savings to cover that will be a blessing. Do your future self a favor and start saving 10-20% of each paycheck today. ### [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?resize=1024%2C683&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?ssl=1) ### 5. Strategically Tackle Your Debt But what if you’ve already developed a debt? That’s understandable as the majority of Americans (80%) are in the same situation. No matter if you have $200 worth of credit card debt or $100,000 worth of student loan debt, debt is hard and terrible. Nobody likes it. If you want your finances to get better though, you need to find a way to tackle your debt. Finding a good plan and payback rate is one thing, and making sure to place those numbers into your budget is essential, but there are other routes too. For instance, you can look into consolidating your debt. Possibly take out a loan with a lower APR to ensure that you can get rid of your credit card debt/student loans with high interest. From there, you can just merge the debt together and pay it off only once a month. Of course, it’s important to strongly think over any changes like that to your payment plan, but that’s what I’m urging you to do in the first place. Think about your finances and your debt. ### 6. Understand Your Credit Report On top of that, you have to be in touch with your credit score. Credit touches many important things in life. Want a loan for a house? Need good credit. Want to rent in the city? Need good credit. Want to increase your credit card limit? Need good credit. Need a health procedure but don’t have enough money in the bank? Hope you have good credit. While credit can lead to some bad financial decisions, it has also become a staple of our society. It’s important that you understand and keep up with your credit report. Otherwise, you’ll be kicking yourself later. ### [![reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/reading-coffee.jpeg?resize=1024%2C683&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/reading-coffee.jpeg?ssl=1) ### 7. Research Financial Advice Lastly, there is a plethora of financial advice out there that can get you going with controlling your finances. This article is just one of them. If you want to start yourself down the journey of owning your finances, there are plenty of gurus and mentors out there to push you along. Seek out websites like [the Personal Finance subreddit on Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/), read financial advice books like *[A Random Walk Down Wallstreet,](https://www.amazon.com/Random-Walk-Down-Wall-Street/dp/0393330338)* and find advice from experts. [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/exchanging-money-in-a-dream.jpg?resize=1000%2C667&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/exchanging-money-in-a-dream.jpg?ssl=1) You are on the journey towards fixing your finances and finally getting in control of them. Being able to manage your money will ease so many other factors of your life, and you will thank yourself for the effort. **Categories:** Growth, Guy Skills **Tags:** Finances, Money --- ### [7 Body Language Hacks When Giving a Presentation](https://guycounseling.com/body-language-presentation-hacks/) **Published:** January 14, 2019 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![man giving presentation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/public-speaking-hypnotist-therapist-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Are you conveying the message you want?** What you say when giving a presentation is important. But if you want to deliver something meaningful and memorable, it’s important to focus on your [body language](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/1468-5884.t01-1-00171), too. Many people don’t know what to do with their hands, how to stand, or what facial expressions to make when addressing an audience. Using the wrong gestures can take away from your presentation. Conversely, using the right ones can make what you say more powerful. Consider these 7 body language tips the next time you present. Make adjustments as needed, according to your unique situation. ## **1. Before you begin** You make an impression the moment an audience views you, which includes the time spent preparing as people file into the room. Sometimes, no one will see you going over your script or gulping a quick cup of Java with a nervous expression on your face. On other occasions, though, you will be visible. The good news is, it’s easy to connect with a few people before your talk starts and doing so can [boost your confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). If you are in the same place as members of the public, gain eye contact and flash them a big smile. Both you and they will feel more comfortable. ## **2. Making an entrance** Have you been to talks where speakers shuffle into a room, look at their notes and fumble for a few moments before interacting with the audience? The mood takes a nosedive, and everyone thinks they will be bored witless. It’s better to enter the room with your head up, as though you’re looking through a window higher than eye level. Cast your eyes across the sea of people and smile. Even if you’re nervous, act as though you’re confident and your behavior will influence your frame of mind. Imagine you’re walking into a good friend’s house on their birthday, and you’re eager to present a bouquet. If you are fearful as you take up your position in front of the audience, make-believe you know every person there, and they are great friends who support you. ## **3. Introduction** If possible, don’t stand behind a podium; doing so makes you look defensive and puts a barrier between you and your audience. Stand in the stage’s middle, toward the front, and lift your arms up from your sides, palms raised to the ceiling for two seconds as you introduce yourself. This open-gesture will help others see you as an honest, humble, and friendly person. ## **4. How to stand** Stand with your legs apart rather than so straight that your knees touch. If you are tense, take a deep breath in, and as you breathe out, drop your shoulders. Keep your head up, and speak to the middle section of the audience, but now and then address a separate section of the public. You need not follow a sequence; just get in the habit of including everyone, without focusing on individuals. Moving stops you tensing up and courting everyone makes them feel involved. As a bonus, they’ll warm to you and find you likable. ## **5. Hand gestures** Use your hands as descriptive tools to help you get your message across. For instance, spreading both hands apart can show size or time and holding one hand on your heart shows what you’re saying is profound. Studies show doing so is likely to make your audience find what you say engaging. Make gestures higher than your waistline and movement intuitive. ## **6. Facial expressions** [Charismatic facial expressions](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) stem from feeling what you’re saying rather than just reciting a speech. Think about what your words mean to you and how enthusiastic you are about the topic you’re covering. Focusing on your passion for the subject will also help you feel calm. ## **7. Ending** The way a talk ends is almost as important as the beginning since people remember the moment. Don’t be nervous; this is your chance to leave a terrific impression. End your talk like it began, by smiling and using an open hand gesture as you thank people for listening. Only this time, extend your hands out to the audience as you express your gratitude for their presence. When you’re speaking in front of an audience, they will appreciate you adopting the body language of empowerment. Using the tips provided, you can create a friendly atmosphere, get audiences to like you, and ease the butterflies in your stomach. **Categories:** Growth, Guy Skills **Tags:** Confidence, Presentations, Public Speaking, Speaking Skills --- ### [How To Create a Circle of Confidence for Mental Excellence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) **Published:** February 2, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![body scan](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man_meditating_-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Creating a Circle of Confidence](#Creating_a_Circle_of_Confidence) - [Building Your Circle of Confidence](#Building_Your_Circle_of_Confidence) - [1. Clear your mind  ](#1_Clear_your_mind) - [2. Project a circle](#2_Project_a_circle) - [3. Your most confident persona](#3_Your_most_confident_persona) - [4. Project into the circle](#4_Project_into_the_circle) - [5. Step into the circle](#5_Step_into_the_circle) - [6. Step out of the circle](#6_Step_out_of_the_circle) - [7. Store your circle](#7_Store_your_circle) - [Recalling Your Circle](#Recalling_Your_Circle) ## Creating a Circle of Confidence Are you looking to boost your [confidence](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00396338308442072?journalCode=tsur20)? Hoping to find a practical, easy technique to up your self-esteem? In a hurry and need something quick? If the answer is yes, I’d like to share with you a mental activity that is extremely powerful. It’s called the **Circle of Confidence** and it’s designed to mentally prepare you for a given event. Examples include giving workplace presentation, meeting a stranger, going out on a date or making a sales pitch to a group. Heavily steeped in the concept of mindfulness and infused with teachings from NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), the Circle of Confidence can be used to up your game and allow you to make a positive impression. In many ways, “the circle” is also a form of self-hypnosis; something that research tells us helps to soften anxiety. See this post on [hypnotherapy and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) to learn more. Now that you have some basic background information, here’s how to build your Circle of Confidence, step by step. If you’d like, you can listen to a [hypnotic recording](https://soundcloud.com/guy-counseling-radio/how-to-create-a-circle-of) I created that closely follows what you see below. ## ![circle of confidence excellence](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/circle-of-confidence-ring.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Building Your Circle of Confidence ### 1. Clear your mind   Take a deep breath and center your thoughts on the here and now. If you need to [conduct a body scan meditation](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) to help remove mental debris, that’s OK. You can also just focus your awareness on this moment in time and identify things you pick up on using your five senses. When you are ready, move to the next step. ### 2. Project a circle Close your eyes. Imagine a yellow beam radiating from your forehead that draws a bright gold circle directly in front of you. The circle itself should be about 2 feet ahead of you and 5 feet in diameter (large enough for you to step into). ### 3. Your most confident persona While looking at the circle, mentally recall an event in your life where you felt most [likeable, charming, and relaxed](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/). This can be from any life event, such as a workplace situation or something personal. If you are struggling to do this, focus your awareness on someone who you feel exudes the characteristics you desire. This can be a business leader, celebrity, friend or even a superhero. If you want to merge several of these people into one mental entity, that’s ok too. Because your mind cannot discern between real and imaginary states, you should start to feel positive emotions. Allow yourself to experience these feelings and embrace them. ### 4. Project into the circle Once you have begun to feel the warmth, confidence, and strength of the mental imagery you are sending from your mind’s eye, it’s time to project that energy into the circle. Envision a green beam emitting from your heart. Allow this beam to carry all of the wonderful emotions you are experiencing and deposit them directly into the cylinder’s center. This should only take a few moments. ### 5. Step into the circle Now, it’s time to step into your circle of confidence. Imagine yourself walking forward, passing through the yellow cylinder you have projected. Stop walking when you have reached the circle’s center. As you stand in this place, allow yourself to feel incredible confidence, happiness, joy, and relaxation. This is a special resource state that belongs only to you; no one else knows about its existence. Allow this moment to imprint into your psyche. This will be a place that you can return to at any time, regardless of the situation. ### 6. Step out of the circle When you are ready, imagine yourself exiting the circle the same way you entered. As you depart, allow yourself to take with you the confidence you are feeling. After exiting, look back at the circle. Say the following affirmation. ***My circle of confidence is always here for me.*** Now, open your eyes. ### 7. Store your circle After you have left the circle and said the affirmation, imagine yourself storing what you have experienced in your mind. Your subconscious will know exactly where to put this mental snapshot. ## Recalling Your Circle You have just created a powerful, mindfulness-based tool that infuses you with positive energy when you need it most. Whatever situation arises, be it a job interview, meeting someone new or a sales presentation, you can project your circle and then step into it for a quick boost. Treat your circle of confidence as sacred. It is a karmic gift to yourself. It will not fail you. **Categories:** Growth, Guy Skills, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Confidence, Meditation, Mindfulness --- ### [7 Alpha Male Personality Traits](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![alpha male traits characteristics](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/alpha-man.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Alpha Mal Traits Table of Contents Toggle - [Being an alpha male is more involved than you think](#Being_an_alpha_male_is_more_involved_than_you_think) - [ALPHA MALE EXPLAINED](#ALPHA_MALE_EXPLAINED) - [ALPHA MALE RESEARCH](#ALPHA_MALE_RESEARCH) - [CHARACTERISTICS OF ALPHA MALES](#CHARACTERISTICS_OF_ALPHA_MALES) - [A TYPE PERSONALITIES DEFINED](#A_TYPE_PERSONALITIES_DEFINED) - [HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR INNER ALPHA MALE](#HOW_TO_DEVELOP_YOUR_INNER_ALPHA_MALE) - [1. Assertiveness](#1_Assertiveness) - [2. Dominance](#2_Dominance) - [3. Leadership](#3_Leadership) - [4. Protective Instincts](#4_Protective_Instincts) - [5. Courageous](#5_Courageous) - [6. Physically strong](#6_Physically_strong) - [7. Curiosity](#7_Curiosity) - [ALPHA MALES IN MOVIES](#ALPHA_MALES_IN_MOVIES) - [ALPHA MALE POLL](#ALPHA_MALE_POLL) - [ALPHA MALE MYTHS](#ALPHA_MALE_MYTHS) - [ALPHA MEN FINAL THOUGHTS](#ALPHA_MEN_FINAL_THOUGHTS) ## **Being an alpha male is more involved than you think** When people hear the term “[Alpha Male](http://jbd.sagepub.com/content/32/1/76.short)” it, it usually conjures up mental imagery of a super good looking guy who holds the traits of being strong, muscular and charming – all at the same time. This classic representation of such men can be found in many modern day movies. Examples include Brad Pitt, who played Tyler Durden in the flick [*Fight Club*](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0137523/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_39) and Cam Gigandet, who played Ryan McCarthy in *Never Back Down*. Below I’ve included a video to give you an idea. If you’ve always wondered about alpha males and wanted to know how to be one, this page is for you. In this article, you will learn: - The etiology of term alpha male - The link between animal research and “alphas” - How wolves relate to alpha men - Common traits and characteristics of alpha men - The differences between “Alpha Males” and “A-Types” - Tips on developing your inner alpha male - Alpha male movies that you can use as reference points - Common myths associated with guys who are alpha ## **ALPHA MALE EXPLAINED** Before we get too far into the traits and characteristics of an alpha men, it might help to understand some background behind the term itself. I mention this because being an alpha male is multifactorial in nature. The phrase “alpha male” was coined by folks involved in the field of *ethology;* a 25 cent word used to describe the objective study of animal behavior. Here, we’re talking about researchers who spent years observing how various kinds of animals interact with one another in their natural environment. We get the term “alpha” from the Greeks. That’s because the first letter of the Greek alphabet is “A”. Ethologists who observed that certain animals had leadership abilities with dominant traits were referred to as “Alphas”. FYI: Famous ethologists who used these kinds of terms include movers and shakers like Charles Darwin, who is considered by many to be the father of evolutional theory, and Konrad Lorenz, a biologist credited with the psychological construct known as *imprinting*. Probably one of the most famous ethologists is Jane Goodall, who is known worldwide for her in vivo study of chimpanzees. If you get a chance, be sure to check out her book on her 30 years with chimps. ![alpha wolf](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/wolf-1.jpg?resize=509%2C339&ssl=1)Alpha Male Wolf ## **ALPHA MALE RESEARCH** In American nomenclature, we typically link alpha males to wolves. The reference itself dates back to studies conducted in the late 1940’s by Dr. Rudolf Schenkel of the University of Basel; a researcher known for his study of captive grey wolves. What’s been lost over the course of time is that Shenkel didn’t confine the prefix “alpha” to just males. That’s right – he also wrote about alpha female wolves. But the term has been coopted by pop culture and to a greater or lesser degree, Hollywood. I point this out because it would be massively incorrect to assume that males are the only ones who can be “alphas”. Any reasonably objective person who looks at this topic through the lens of biodiversity will conclude that mammalian alphas have been with us at least since the [Cenozoic era](http://www.livescience.com/40352-cenozoic-era.html), if not well before. With that shared, let’s move into alpha male characteristics, using the previously mentioned ethology as our guide. ## **CHARACTERISTICS OF ALPHA MALES** To be an alpha male, one generally exhibits the following traits and characteristics. As you read what follows, bear in mind these traits are based on animal studies and not the stuff of Hollywood. Alpha Male Traits - Assertiveness - Dominant - Natural leadership skills - Protective instinct - Courageous - Physically strong - Curious What’s important to note here is that your “alphaness” is as much a function of heredity as it is personality. In other words, we know from research that some traits are inherent. For example, if you are naturally assertive and that characteristic runs in your family, there’s a good chance that heredity is part of the dynamic. To this point, the old axiom, “that trait runs in our family” strikes a chord of truth. That’s not to say that we can’t nurture nascent traits. For example, leadership skills can be grown when a person dedicates himself to the cause. And for that matter, one does not need to score a 10 on the alpha Richter scale in order to be considered alpha. There are many alpha males who are strongly assertive but not necessarily curious. Furthermore, not all traits need to operate at equal intensity. Finally, on this point I’ll share this: all of us, to a lesser or greater degree, hold these traits. Sure, there are men who are more dominant than others. But dominance isn’t a black or white issue. Instead, it’s more about the marriage of instrumental and expressive traits. Instrumental Traits: - Assertiveness - Ambition - Independence - Need to dominate Expressive Traits: - Sensitivity - Altruism - Cooperativeness I mention these because alpha traits, like the previously mentioned dominance, are not about some Neanderthal construct of masculinity promoted by those who wish to sell an image. Instead, it’s about the total person. Some folks confuse the construct of “A Type” personalities with “Alpha Males”. While they may share certain similarities, they are not the same. That’s because alphas are trait driven where “A Types” are personality centered. Below I have offered a working definition of A Types. ![developing alpha male skills](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnotherapy-chicago.jpg?resize=544%2C362&ssl=1)Alpha Male Development ## **A TYPE PERSONALITIES DEFINED** *A-Type Personality:* A personality that typically exhibits high ambition and rigidity.  Usually very organized, focused on status, emotionally sensitive, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. Primary Difference Between Alphas and A-Types To make things simple, “alphas” speak to any animal (human, dog, wolf, bear, etc.) that exhibits one of the 7 previously mentioned characteristics. “A-Types” are descriptors generally restricted to human beings. And when you think about this it makes sense. Would anyone really describe their pet cat as being “A-Type”? ## **HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR INNER ALPHA MALE** Now that we have a better understanding of the science, it’s time to move about the business of helping you to develop your inner alpha male. What follows is a detailed walkthrough of each trait with specific steps you can take to nurture what’s deep inside. Remember, to be an alpha male, you don’t need to be super strong in all trait areas. Even among wild animals, we rarely see this. Instead, your goal should be to grow your challenge areas. I’ll guide you through each area and provide tips for personal development. I’ve also included several book and movie recommendations for further study. Let’s jump right in. ![7](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/7.jpg?resize=419%2C314&ssl=1)7 Alpha Male Characteristics for Development ## **1. Assertiveness** Perhaps the most noticeable trait of an alpha male is his ability to be assertive. This is different than aggression, which denotes a hostile tone. Assertiveness, at least in human terms, means confident. But how does one build his confidence? Well, there are a variety of ways but in my work as a counselor, I can tell you that the best approach is through *doing*. In other words, confidence happens through experience. When you have a chance, I encourage you to read this post that offers [10 ways men can build confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). Here are some other tips to help you increase your confidence as a man and by extension, your level of assertiveness. - Be mindful of posture. Make sure you stand straight when you walk. - Shoulders should be squared. - Chest raised but not puffed out. - Smile when you greet someone and tilt your head slightly to show interest. - Use a firm handshake. - Make eye contact and avoid looking downward or away There are just but a few suggestions. If you are hoping to build your skills in this area, I highly recommend the workbook: *Assertiveness – How To Stand Up For Yourself* ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3xbS3xY)). The reason I like resource is because it offers real world exercises that are designed to enhance confidence through the use of assertiveness based skills. ## **2. Dominance** Some people confuse dominance with over the top behaviors. In fact, dominance has kind of gotten a bad rap because it’s been assigned to aggressive male behaviors depicted in television and in movies. Just take a look at any of the *Death Wish* flicks, starring [Charles Bronson](https://guycounseling.com/charles-bronson-facts/). Here, we see a depiction of a strong male who becomes understandably enraged after a group of violent thugs rape his daughter and kills his wife. Seeking justice, he turns into a vigilante and methodically goes after each of the gang members. Another example of faux dominance can be found in the movie *Wall Street.* In this flick, we see Michael Douglas play the part of a corporate raider Gordon Gekko – a narcissistic financial tyrant who ruthlessly uses people on his rise to the top. So these sound familiar? While great for the silver screen, dominance doesn’t work that way. Well, at least not in a way that gets people to like or respect you. Instead, with a specific focus on alpha male characteristics, *dominance* is about having a commanding presence, which is a function of body language. Think of previous U.S. presidents, such as Ronald Reagan or John F. Kennedy. People intrinsically *knew* these men were alphas the moment they walked into a room. I’ll level with you and say now that dominance is one of those traits that can be difficult to develop. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. In order to do it, you’ll have to identify several individuals who you that admire project strength and self-assuredness. The best way to do this is to grab a pen and paper and start making a list. A manageable number to start off with is five. Once you’ve made your selections, jot a few characteristics down next to each person’s name. To help you get started, consider the following questions: - *What* message does this person project? - *How does* this person project (words, body language, etc.)? - *Who* is the message being projected to? Bear in mind that your list doesn’t have to include famous people. It can be a previous boss, someone you played sports with or a mentor. The idea is to choose people who have dominant traits that you can emulate. Keep in mind that part of having a commanding presence is theatrical. No, that doesn’t mean you need to take acting lessons. But it does mean you will want to study how the person carries himself. In my research of alpha men, I’ve discovered that most have spent time carefully studying the people they admire. And so part of the key to better understanding dominance is to be aware of body language. If your goal is to project strength, conviction and power, I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of the book *Body Language* by Chase ([see Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2dWMSIV)). ## **3. Leadership** Any survey of alpha male characteristics quickly reveals that leadership is a key trait. But what exactly does that term mean? Believe it or not, folks who research the topic of leadership actually disagree on the definition more than you might think. Most of the confusion stems from the complex phenomenon involving the construct of *leadership*. That’s because leadership involves a trio of personality, physical traits and behaviors. Here are a few academic definitions that I’ve taken from the textbook, *Leadership* by Hughes, Ginnett and Curphy, to help contextualize what we’re exploring: Leadership Definitions: - *The process by which an agent induces a subordinate to behave in a desired manner* (Bennis, 1959) - *Directing and coordinating the work of group members* (Fiedler, 1967) - *An interpersonal relation in which others comply because they want to, not because they have to.* (Merton, 1957) As you can see, the definitions are similar but not exactly the same. That’s because leadership is both a science and an art. The “science” part comes from the inherent traits that a person may be born with. The “art” aspect of leadership relates to skills that can be grown. For decades now, researchers in the field of human behavior have argued over the question: *Are leaders born or made?* What do you think the answer is? I can tell you that in the case of alpha males, it’s a mixture of both. That’s because leadership involves the process of: - Inspiring others - Developing people - Creating a vision for the long term - Asking questions, including *why?* - Modeling desired behaviors - Challenging people to reach new heights It is important to note that managers and leaders are not the same. For example, your immediate supervisor may be a good manager but that doesn’t mean they are a great leader. Typically, here’s what managers do: - Administer - Maintain - Control - Establish short term goals (generally speaking) - Ask “how and when” questions - Imitate leaders - Don’t challenge superiors or “the system” That’s not to say that managers can’t be good leaders. I’m simply suggesting that the two terms are not mutually exclusive. You may be wondering why I am mentioning this. Here’s why: For most men who want to be alpha males, it’s the *leadership* trait that needs to be grown and not the management trait. But how? The research tells us that leadership skills grow through a combination of experiential learning and study. In other words, you will want to reflect upon your own leadership experiences in the past and carefully assess your strengths and weakness. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1519514301&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1519514301/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1519514301&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=6b9385a5afa9430574a1831979f1296b)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1519514301)You’ll also want to look at other leaders to identify their specific gifts, such as executive decision making or motivating others. This is why I encourage all men who are seeking to amplify their inner alpha male to get a mentor – or at the very least – a professional coach. There’s no way I can teach you all of the ways to grow your leadership skills on this one page. What I can do is encourage you to read more on this topic and be open to learning new things. One of the best books you can pick up to help grow skills in this areas is: *Leadership 101* by Maxwell ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2e49VWc)). What I like about this read are the straight forward tips given by the author, primarily communicated through concrete examples. Another good read is *How To Be a Good Leader* by Cochran ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2e7G9eP)). This one is nice because it helps you to identify your personal leadership style. It also provides insight into enhancing your communication skills while motivating your followers. When you think about it, isn’t that what alpha males do? ## **4. Protective Instincts** Have you ever noticed that in the wild, alpha animals are very protective of their clan and territory? Think of wolves here, where only the alpha males and females are in charge of the pack. If a non-pack member so much as walks near an area controlled by the leaders, subordinate members of the pack sound off alarms. In turn, the alphas (usually the male wolf) will go on the attack. There’s a reason you see this kind of behavior in wolves and other animal species. It’s called *instinct* and it’s directly related to survival. It might be helpful to think of instinct as a kind of “sixth sense”. Some people call it an inner voice. In any event, if you want to be an alpha man, it’s important to build this skill area. Here’s why: - Good instincts are key to personal safety - Well-developed instincts are linked to strong leadership skills - Healthy instinctual skills are attractive to potential mates One of the best ways you can develop and grow your instincts is to spend time studying the topic of situational awareness. I say this because when you think of an alpha male on a spectrum of characteristics, the ability to anticipate the moves of others and identify key threats is crucial. ## **5. Courageous** To be an alpha male is to be courageous. That term shouldn’t be confused with risky behavior or foolish risk taking. Instead, I’m talking about men who overcome their fears so they don’t become paralyzed with anxiety and indecision. In order to increase your courage skills, you’ll want to study men who have gone against the grain and made decisions that some might not agree with. In the context of alpha males, I’ll briefly outline several steps you can take to enhance your own sense of courage. And I acknowledge here that this is a topic that requires a page all on its own. How to develop courage 1\. Write down your specific fears 2\. Look for the root cause of your fears 3\. Identify areas in your life where you’ve demonstrated courage 4\. Develop a plan to transfer courage from one area to another 5\. Engage in cognitive rehearsal as part of assertiveness training 6\. Trust your instincts in decision making 7\. Recognize that courage sometimes means going against the grain In my study of alpha males, I’ve observed that most successful men have learned to modulate how the trait of courage gets expressed. In other words, these men don’t put purposely place themselves in risky situations in order to demonstrate they are brave. Instead, they’ve learned to become less fearful by making wise choices that reduce risk as much as possible. But – when these same men do find themselves in challenging situations, they don’t shrink away. Perhaps the most effective way to learn more about courage is to study it. One of the best books you will ever read on this topic is: *Profiles in Courage* by [John F. Kennedy](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/). Here, you will discover how the construct of courage manifests itself in the form of personal decision making; witnessed through the narrative lens of famous world leaders. It’s kind of a must read for any guy who wants to be an alpha male. [![plyometric jump squat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/squat_jump_plyometrics.jpg?resize=504%2C284&ssl=1)](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/)Alpha Males are Typically Strong ## **6. Physically strong** One of the common traits of alpha males in the animal kingdom is physical strength. For example, alpha wolves are typically bigger and stronger than others males in the pack. I’ll acknowledge here that much of this is a function of heredity. But wolves can’t “workout” or engage in strength training. Human alpha males can. Remember, to be an alpha you will want to focus on all areas and not just the psychological ones. Physically training your body through exercises (hopefully resistance training) needs to be part of the dynamic. If you want to grow your strength, I highly encourage you to get involved with [plyometric exercise](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/), regardless if you are new to the gym or not. It is also helpful to recognize that building muscle needs to be framed as something to look forward to and not a chore. Alpha men who involve themselves with strength training discover [7 unique benefits](https://guycounseling.com/7-secrets-of-people-who-happily-embrace-regular-exercise/) that are life enhancing. Here are some other tips in this area: - Focus on upper body exercises to develop chest and arms - Don’t forget about your legs and calves - Know the unique differences between the terms strength and power If you’ve never worked out or only have minimal experience in this area, it might be helpful to gain the assistance of a personal trainer. The key to success here, particularly when first starting out, is personal accountability. ## **7. Curiosity** The final trait of alpha males that I’ll touch upon is curiosity. No, I’m not talking about being nosey or injecting yourself into the affairs of others. Instead, I’m speaking to *intellectual curiosity*. Looking back to the wild, it’s hard not to notices that most alpha wolves are generally curious. They investigate what’s going on in their environment and then use (or acquire) skills for the future. If you want to increase your intellectual capacity, it’s important to have an open mind. This means letting go of long held, rigid thoughts and allowing for new possibilities. It also means asking questions and investigating the answers. One of the best ways you can do this is to pick a topic that holds your interest and start learning more about it. For example, have you always been curious about what makes certain athletes successful? Why not study the psychology of famous athletes to enhance your understanding? All I can say here is that alphas typically involve themselves with growing their knowledge base, which in turns helps to inform the other trait areas outlined above. You don’t have to be a “nerd” or even a master a given topic. You simply need to have a curiosity about the world around you and go about the business of learning. ![alpha male movies](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/alpha-men-movies.jpg?resize=498%2C228&ssl=1)Alpha Male Movies ## **ALPHA MALES IN MOVIES** In your study of alpha men, it helps to look at pop culture for examples. Below, I’ve created a list of alpha male movies for you to check out as a reference point. - Jason Statham in *The Transporter* - Matt Damon in *Bourne Identity* - Paul Walker in *Fast and Furious* - Sylvester Stallone in *The Expendables* - George Clooney and Brad Pitt in *Oceans 11* - Robert Downey Jr in *Iron Man* - Any of the James Bond movies ## ALPHA MALE POLL Just for fun, I’ve included a poll that asks you to identify how many of the alpha male traits you currently possess. Be sure to check back and compare your response to other website visitors. ![alpha myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1) ## **ALPHA MALE MYTHS** In many ways, the term *alpha male* has a mystique attached to it. And like most things that have become romanticized, there’s also a few myths. Below you will find several of the common whoppers linked to alpha males. - Alphas are restricted to men only - Alpha men are bullies - Alpha guys are sexually dominant - Alpha men are born - Only men with [green eyes can be alpha](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) - Alpha men are always heterosexual - Alpha men are narcissistic - Alpha males are psychopaths - Alpha guys are misogynistic - Scorpio men are the only true alphas ## **ALPHA MEN FINAL THOUGHTS** Being an alpha man is more of a mindset than anything else. The skills and traits listed here don’t just happen organically. Sure, some may come easier than others but all require focus and attention to grow. I hope you found the material listed here useful. References: Myth of the Alpha Male (2008) Hawley, P. International Journal of Behavioral Development. Instrumental and Expressive Traits: Their Relationship and Their Association with Biological Sex. (2003) Bozionelos, Nikos; Bozionelos, Giorgos. Leadership: Enhancing the Lessons of Experience. Hughes, Ginnett and Curphy (2010) McGraw Hill 10 Laws of Alpha Males: How to Become an Alpha Male and Attract Women. Travis. (2016) **Categories:** Growth, Guy Skills **Tags:** Alpha Males, Alpha Men, Characteristics, Mindfulness, Personality, Power, Psychology, Strength, Traits --- ### [7 Ways To Be Mentally Strong](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/) **Published:** January 2, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mental toughness skills military bootcamp army ranger school](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mental-toughness-military-basic-training.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [How To Be Mentally Strong](#How_To_Be_Mentally_Strong) - [Mental Toughness and Army Rangers](#Mental_Toughness_and_Army_Rangers) - [1. Goal setting](#1_Goal_setting) - [2. Stress management](#2_Stress_management) - [3. Self-Confidence](#3_Self-Confidence) - [4. Resilience](#4_Resilience) - [5. Focus](#5_Focus) - [6. Self-discipline](#6_Self-discipline) - [7. Visualization](#7_Visualization) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## How To Be Mentally Strong We often hear the term *mental toughness* but what does it really mean? Are sports players, bodybuilders, and business leaders born with a “toughness” chip? Finally, can a person really develop mental toughness skills? As an educator and counselor, I often am asked about this topic. If truth be told, it’s mostly men who have questions. That’s not to say women aren’t interested. They are. But because of societal expectations of men (right or wrong), it’s mostly the guys who are looking for answers. But here’s is the thing. Being mentally tough doesn’t have anything to do with being manly. Instead, it’s about strengthening a series of skills that increase your reboundability. In this article, you will learn: - A definition of mental toughness - Mental toughness and Army Ranger training - 7 unique mental toughness skills - Mental toughness reflective questions - Resources for learning about mental strength ![mental toughness defined](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/male-topics-8.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What is mental toughness? ## Mental Toughness and Army Rangers An example of mental toughness can be found in those who successfully complete army ranger training. This is a grueling, nine week program that is physically, psychologically, and emotionally exhausting. Before candidates get accepted into the school, soldiers need to do at least six pull-ups, 49 pushups (in two minutes),and 59 sit-ups (also in two minutes). Once arriving at academy, there are three unique phases that must be completed. - Crawl - Walk - Run Candidates complete the “walk” part in mountain landscapes. “The rugged terrain, hunger, and sleep deprivation are the biggest causes of emotional stress that students encounter,” [shares the Army](https://www.military.com/military-fitness/army-special-operations/army-ranger-pft). The last part of the program occurs in a swamp environment. Here, students train to operate “under conditions of extreme mental and physical stress.” Ranger candidates spend many hours walking while weighed down with heavy gear. They sleep outside. Eating is restricted to just a few meals a day. It is not uncommon for students to shed 20 or more pounds by the time the nine-weeks is up. “But the school teaches the Ranger he can overcome insurmountable challenges while under simulated combat conditions,” the Army reports. “And of course, he can wear the well-deserved Ranger Tab on his shoulder.” Using Army Ranger training as an example, we can see there are various personal components that are integrated into the mental toughness dynamic. So, what are they? What follows are seven mental toughness skills you can use in sports, bodybuilding or other life areas. I encourage you to read them all to get the most out of this piece. And remember, it’s not just one thing that makes a person mentally strong. How many of these can you grow? ![mental toughness skill development](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/7-Mental-toughnessskills-you-can-growto-become-mentally-stronger.jpg?resize=560%2C315&ssl=1) ## 1. Goal setting The ability to set goals is the first step in increasing mental toughness. Without goals, you have nothing to work towards. In turn, motivation can’t exist. People who are mentally strong understand that goal setting occurs for the short and long term. It’s also not just a one-time thing. Instead, a series of *realistic* goals are created over the course of a life-span. While achieving a stated goal is important, there is also value in not achieving. That’s because valuable lessons can be learned. In turn, those “take-aways” can be applied to new goal sets for the future. ## 2. Stress management Another important component of being tough mentally is stress management. You’ll never be able to reach the goals you have set unless you are able to stay emotionally relaxed and focused. That’s not to say you can’t get emotional. It happens – we are human. The trick is not letting your feelings overpower you to the point of becoming derailed. An effective way to work through stress is by living mindfully. To learn more about this approach and how meditation can help to create a more balanced psyche, check out this post on the benefits of [mindful meditation for men](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). ## 3. Self-Confidence You knew that at some point, confidence was going to pop up on this list. Doesn’t this make sense? Without a belief in yourself and abilities, not much can happen. Remember that confidence is something that takes time to grow and build. Part of the growth process means learning from past mistakes and recognizing perfection is often a fantasy. You can coach yourself in ways that increase your self-concept. But before that happens, you’ll need to ditch the negative internal dialogue that keeps you from moving forward. Learn more by reading the top 10 ways [men kill their self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/). ## 4. Resilience Being able to bounce back from losses, setbacks, and bad breaks are critical to building mental toughness. Any worthwhile goal will have its fair share of obstacles. That’s what makes a goal worthy in the first place. It’s important to not view resilience as “getting over” something. That’s a bunch of BS. Instead, resilience is about working through the disappointments and assessing what can be learned. Example: You are a bodybuilder who wanted to place first in a competition. As it turns out, you placed third. Rather than get down on yourself and call it quits, you decide to train harder so that next year, you can place higher. Resilience is a skill (and gift) that allows us to incorporate bad things that happen to us in life and transform them into something empowering. That’s what happens when we overcome obstacles. ## 5. Focus Integrated into the mental toughness dynamic is *focus*. For our purposes, focus can be defined as your ability to concentrate on a given goal while minimizing distractions. Notice I didn’t say “getting rid of distractions” or something equivalent. That’s because in life, some things can’t be avoided. But that doesn’t mean you can’t reduce the possibility of distractions. Example: If your goal is to [return to college](https://guycounseling.com/back-college-success-strategies/) and earn a degree, it’s important to assess things in your life that may pull you off course. Think mobile devices, surfing the net, family issues and so forth. When your focus is high, you have a greater ability to push barriers aside. Take an inventory of things that have acted as obstacles for you in the past in relation to goal attainment. Ask yourself in the here and now: ***what can be different?*** ## 6. Self-discipline Hand in hand with focus is self-discipline. In fact, one could make the argument that this skill is a subset of focus. In truth, they are not exactly the same. Self-discipline is what allows you to say *no* to the things that act as goal deterents. It’s also the same skill that fortifies healthy rituals, like hitting the gym weekly or studying for exams. There is a lot of magical thinking that goes on with self-discipline. Many people think a person has it or they don’t. But here’s the truth. **Self-discipline is a skill that is grown over time.** If you want to increase your abilities in this area, you’ll need to challenge yourself first. This goes back to setting realistic goals (short and long-term) and assessing your behaviors along the way. A really good book to help beef up your skills in this area is Jeff Griffin’s book, *Self-Discipline: Become Unstoppable and Achieve Anything* ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2AqB8g1)). Remember, it’s not about being born with a chip for this one. Instead, it’s about training your mind to think differently. ## 7. Visualization The final component of mental toughness is visualization. Successful athletes, leaders, and students have learned how to see the future through their mind’s eye. Part of this involves imagining internally what you want to see happen externally. Examples include building a better body, getting promoted or being in a romantic relationship with another. Visualization also empowers self-confidence. When you see what you want to achieve, you are more likely to believe it will happen. In this way, intrinsic and extrinsic motivations operate in concert, acting as the engine for movement. The trick is *allowing* yourself to see your goal and not getting derailed when slips happen along the way. ## Wrap Up If your goal is to develop your mental toughness, it will be important to concentrate on the seven skill sets mentioned above. Your best friend on this journey will be consistency. Study any professional athlete or person who has reached status in life and you’ll identify this trait as a common bond. **How many of these mental toughness skills have you developed?** **More reading:** [Learn situational awareness skills](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/) [Washing away stress through RAIN](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/) [How archery builds manly skills](https://guycounseling.com/archery-man-skills/) **References:** Jones, G. (2010). What Is This Thing Called Mental Toughness? An Investigation of Elite Sport Performers. *Journal of Applied Sport Psychology*, 205-218. Main Image Credit: Deposit Photos **Categories:** Field Notes, Growth, Guy Skills, Mind **Tags:** concentration, focus, goals, mental toughness, military, Mindfulness, ranger --- ### [Why Organizational Management Is a Smart Degree Choice For Your Career](https://guycounseling.com/organizational-management-degree/) **Published:** January 11, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![organizational managemnt explained](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/organizational-management.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Organizational Management Explored** Are you considering a degree in [organizational management](http://amr.aom.org/content/14/3/361.short)? Do you naturally gravitate towards the world of business and psychology? Trying to better your station in life with a credential that can help you reach important life goals? If the answer is yes, this page is for you. More and more, universities and colleges are offering organizational management (OM) as a degree option. And you know what? **Choosing an OM program is one of the smartest things you’ll ever do!** Folks, I’m not just saying that. As an educator and counselor, I regularly encourage students and clients to consider this type of credential. I’ll explain why in just a soon. **In this article, you will learn:** - The definition of organizational management - How this degree can be used - Career implications - Pros and Cons of degree - Educational options - Quick FAQ ## **My qualifications** Right out of the gate, you are probably wondering what qualifies me to suggest this type of program to you. Shoot, I’d want to know if I were reading this. I’ll tell you straight out. Years before I entered the world of psychology and academia, I worked in the corporate sector. Examples include companies like IBM, Verizon, and American Airlines. Yes, I have a doctorate in psychology. But I also hold an MBA and a bachelor’s degree is in business management. I use these credentials every day in the work I do as a [career coach and educator](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). I’m mentioning this because several times a month, I am approached by students and clients who ask me: *What’s a good undergraduate specialization for someone who isn’t sure what they want to do?* My response, almost always, is **organizational management**. Let’s talk about what OM means and then move about the business of exploring how this type of degree can be used. I’ve tried to keep the material as simple as possible. Oh, and super quick – you need to know that I am not getting paid from any school for writing about this degree. In fact, if one did approach me to promote, the answer would be **no.** Second, I obviously can’t make any promises about what will happen should you choose to earn an OM degree. All I can do is give you my opinion and let you decide. OK, check it out. ## ![organizational management defined](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/news.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Definition of Organizational Management? Organizational management in the world of business involves five unique parts. These include: 1. Planning 2. Organizing 3. Motivating 4. Leading 5. Controlling I am going to break each area down so that they make more sense. While reading this, it’s important to contextualize things through the lens of business (DuBrin, 2008). Doing so will help you keep your mental frame. That’s a $10.00 word for having the right mindset. ### 1. Planning When you hear the word *planning* in the context of OM, think goal setting. This means determining where a company wants to go and then creating a plan to make it happen. Part of this involves knowing what resources (funding) is available. Inventory control is also part of the dynamic. But a major aspect of planning involves human capital (aka **people**). Example: You work for a major grocery store chain. As the newly hired regional manager of Pacific operations, the CEO asks that you create a plan for opening two stores in California. To create the plan, you’ll need to know your budget. You’ll also need to buy (or rent) space. Finally, you’ll have to determine what jobs need to be filled (staffing). There are many other things that need to occur as well that touch upon regulations, laws, and so forth. I recognize this was a quick and dirty overview of planning but at least have a better idea now. ### 2. Organizing In business, organizing simply means obtaining, maintaining, and expending resources in the wisest way possible to maximize profits. An example might be putting together an annual budget for a department. Organizing could also involve helping to conceptualize and execute a marketing plan to increase customer sales. Example: As division vice-president of an insurance company, your area needs to hire two e-commerce specialists to handle customer inquiries. You’ll need to create a budget to compensate. You’ll also need to coordinate with human resources to recruit the right talent. As you might have guessed, organizing and planning sometimes blur lines. ### 3. Leading A critical part of the OM dynamic is leading. We could spend forever and a day talking about all the [different leadership theories](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-theories-made-simple/) but for our purposes, let’s stick to the basics. *Leading* simply means connecting with employees and inspiring them to reach organizational objectives (goals). While motivation is part of the process (see next OM attribute), leadership also involves ethical behavior, messaging, and setting the organizational culture. What people often confuse are the terms *management* and *leadership*. While they share similar qualities, they aren’t the same. To learn more, see this post on the [differences between manager vs. leader](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/09/leaders-managers-differences/). Obviously, there’s much more to leadership than what I’ve mentioned here but this page would never end if I listed out every single aspect. I’m pretty sure you get the point. ### 4. Motivating This part of OM is what it sounds like; inspiring people to act in ways that help an organization reach goals. It goes without saying that to motivate, one must lead. The question is *what* works for motivation. Is being [charismatic and charming](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) enough? Or does it take something more concrete, like financial incentives, to move employees to action? Just food for thought because these are the types of questions you will explore in an OM program – and as a professional working in the real world. ### 5. Controlling When you hear the term *controlling*, think administrative work. Yep, boring stuff. Examples include financial statements, labor reports, regulatory issues, and resource management. I really shouldn’t say boring because, for some folks, these types of activities are interesting. Still, controlling is less focused on people and more concerned with digits. ## Business Management Video I have posted a video below that will help us pivot from theoretical constructs to real-world application of a business focused credential, like OM. ## Use of an Organizational Management Degree I’m betting this is the part you’ve been waiting for so let’s get right to it. If you choose to earn a degree (graduate or undergraduate) with a specialization in organizational management, you’ll open the door to many job opportunities. Moreover, at the undergraduate level, this is an excellent credential that offers a broad-based platform from which to move forward. Now granted, the degree itself is focused on business. But don’t let that term “business” fool you. That’s because almost every sector of the marketplace pulls on the five OM features I previously described. Here are just a few of the job areas where an OM degree can be used. - Sales - Human Resources - Organizational Psychology (business psychology) - Retail - Logistics - Medical - General Business - Education - Business Management - Business Coaching - Sports Management - Health Science Administration - Development - Non-Profit Work - Operations Management - Logistics - Transportation - Organizational Effectiveness - Business Administration Honestly, I could go on with even more but just from the list above, you can see *how* this degree can fit into different career areas. You may wonder how an OM degree differs from a management or business degree? The answer is simple: an OM degree is a hybrid of both worlds combined into one. ![career options for organizational management](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/alpha-male-traits-characteristics.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Career options ## Career Implications As mentioned above, you have many different opportunities to apply this type of degree. Because I don’t know exactly what area of work you are trying to obtain or qualify for, it’s easier for me to shoot you over to the online *Occupational Outlook Handbook* (OOH). The OOH is a U.S. Government run entity that houses tons of material on career options, skill sets, required credentials, and salaries. The best part is it’s completely **free**! Here is the link to the [Occupational Outlook Handbook](https://www.bls.gov/ooh/management/) in management. Notice how many career areas are listed, the entry-level credential required, and the money that can be expected/earned. Isn’t that website cool? But here’s the thing – a degree in OM is a **powerful degree** that can help you qualify for many of those jobs. Here’s a well-kept secret. Employers will often state they want a bachelor’s in a specific area. Examples include management, sales or human resources. But if you keep reading the job descriptions, they usually toss in language that reads: *or a related area*. With OM, you have that “related area” thing covered in spades! That’s why I said at the start of this page that this degree has a high amount of utility. Example: You want to go into human resources? This degree can help get you there. Hoping to become a business executive? An OM degree is an excellent choice. Want to get involved with pharmaceutical sales or operations? Bingo – OM is a smart choice. In the career coaching I do with students and clients, I always encourage them to think of earning a credential that can be widely applied. You’ve likely heard the following axiom: *Cast with a wide net*. In the context of what we’re exploring, OM is the “wide net” to land jobs. Make sense? ## Pros of Organizational Management Degree There are more benefits to holding this credential than I can shake a stick act. I’m quickly going to list out some of the “biggies”. - Job growth in the business/management sector is expected to expand at a rate of 9% a year per Bureau of Labor Statistics (Occupational Outlook Handbook, 2016). - Having a graduate OM degree may help persons serving in the armed forces qualify for advancement. - An OM credential at both the undergraduate and graduate level can expose the person to job opportunities because of its high degree of utility. - Employers like to hire people who have a varied background with a credential that has different forms of application. ## Cons of Organizational Management Degree Having this type of credential in your back pocket can be an immense help to your career. That said, it’s not for everyone and I’d be a liar if I tried to pretend otherwise. Let’s look at some of the cons: - For people trying to get into a specialized profession, this degree may not be the best fit. Example: You want to become a veterinarian. - The credential isn’t heavy on finance, which may not be helpful for folks wanting to become an accountant. The credential does, however, expose a person to financial and economic theory. - Some management jobs require a specific type of graduate degree with specialized credentialing. Example: A healthcare company is recruiting for an executive position and wants to hire only a person with an MBA in Finance that is accredited by AACSB. - A graduate degree in OM may or may not allow you to teach college courses at the community college level. You will need to check with a potential employer about how many graduate credit hours are required in each content area. Higher Education and Organizational Management One area I’d like to touch on is using this credential to further your education at the graduate level. I’ll walk through this at light speed. It’s like this – if you hold an undergraduate degree in OM, like a bachelor, you will likely be able to use this credential to get into a number of master’s level programs. Obviously, you will need to check with each school. That said, here are just some of the masters programs I’ve seen people qualify for. - Masters in Psychology - Master of Business Administration - Masters in Criminal Justice - Masters in Human Resources Management - Masters in Organizational Behavior - Masters in Organizational Management - Masters in Transportation Logistics - Masters in Health Sciences Administration - Masters in Transportation Logistics - Masters in Non-Profit Work - Masters in Organizational Development - Masters in Communication - Masters in Leadership - Masters in Community Health - Masters in Mental Health Counseling - Masters in Education - Masters in Cultural Studies - Masters in Sports Management I could go on and on here but you can see from the list above, there’s a lot of potential opportunities. One caveat: some of the graduate programs may require that you have certain courses at the undergraduate level under your belt. You will want to check with each school to find out more. ![mountain climber](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mountail-climber.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Organizational Management FAQs ## OM FAQs Below, I am going to list out several frequently asked questions that I get from folks about this credential. I’ll share with you exactly how I respond. ### Does accreditation matter? Yes – it does. At the very least, you’ll want a degree that has accreditation recognized by the U.S. Department of Education. See this [PDF file via hyperlink](https://www2.ed.gov/about/bdscomm/list/hiedfuture/reports/recognized-organizations.pdf) to learn more. That said, I highly encourage you to enroll in a program that is **regionally accredited**. This is considered the gold standard in most all situations. Moreover, degrees granted from regionally accredited universities have the best opportunity to transfer credits. ### Can you earn this degree online? Yes – you can. In fact, many colleges and universities offer this credential 100% online. Nowadays, even the traditional brick and mortar schools have opened programs that can be completed mostly (if not exclusively) via the Internet. ### Do you recommend any schools? Your best bet is to do your homework and look around. It’s my opinion (others may disagree) that at the undergraduate level, the pedigree of the school doesn’t matter all that much. What does matter is if the university is regionally accredited. ### What do employers look for when hiring? At the graduate level, the pedigree *may* matter. It just depends. I can tell you that more than anything, employers like to hire people who have real-world experience. Example: You’ve been in the military 10-years and have experience leading and managing others. You earn a master’s in OM at a regionally accredited school. Chances are, the hiring manager is going look at your experience first and the credential next. In this way, the degree acts as a ticket to the show. You need it to get the job. But it’s really your work experience that propels you into the job. So, what if you don’t have a lot of work experience? It’s simple. If you are new to the workplace and trying to gain a corporate position, employers are going to look for exposure to business management. That exposure happens as a result of earning the OM credential. Yes, there are going to be *some* companies who will only hire candidates from top-tier schools. You may have to factor that into your decision-making dynamic. That said, in my experience, the **vast majority of employers just want to see you have a business/management related degree**. ### Where Can I Learn More? You’ll find lots of resources online about college degree programs. If you are looking to earn your credential via distance education, you can check out the [Degree Info Forum](https://www.degreeinfo.com/index.php). There are also many books on the topic. One of my favorites is *Business Week’s Guide To the Best Schools*, available on [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2Exzqqz). ## Bringing It All Together I can honestly say that choosing a specialization in organizational management is a smart choice. Obviously, much depends on the type of work you want to do. But if you are looking for a credential with a high degree of utility, OM may be exactly what you need! Thanks for stopping by. I hope you found the material shared here useful! **References** DuBrin, A. (2008). Applying psychology and individual organizational effectiveness. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall. Occupational Outlook Handbook. (2016). Management Occupations. Retrieved from United States Department of Labor: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/management/ **Categories:** Academia, Career, Growth **Tags:** Business, College, Employment, Leadership, Organizational Management --- ### [7 Reasons Office Affairs Are a Bad Idea](https://guycounseling.com/office-affairs-bad-idea-318/) **Published:** March 18, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/flirting.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Office affairs can spell trouble Thinking about having an office affair? Are you [crushing](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) on a coworker and hoping something happens? Do you get the sense an office-mate wants to hook up? If you are answering yes to any of the above, you wouldn’t be alone. The topic of office affairs comes up frequently in counseling. Essentially, here is what people want to know: - Should I date an office-mate? - Is it okay to sleep with a co-worker? - Is it wrong to get intimate with a manager? - Is it possible to keep the affair a secret? Some reading this will think the answers to these questions are a no-brainier and say**:** “**No – on all counts!”** After all, everyone knows romantic workplace relationships are a bad idea – right? You might be surprised. The hard truth is over half (51%)of Americans have had some type of [intimate relations](http://www.vault.com/blog/workplace-issues/2015-office-romance-survey-results/) with a coworker during the course of their working careers (Vault Careers, 2015). But wait, there is more. The same line of research cited above shows that 47% of people who participated in this study knew of an office mate’s infidelity. The point is even when you think the relationship is a “secret”, it’s likely not. In my experience, people have a way of intuiting things, particularly when they smell a connection between co-workers. What follows are 7 reasons why office affairs are a bad idea. Before diving too deep, it’s important I say that each work environment is different. Your employer may have no problem with co-workers dating. On the flipside, they may strongly frown on it. That’s why it’s a good idea to check your organization’s policy. That said, the material shared below represents the collective negative consequences clients have shared with me over the years. Take it for what it’s worth and apply what feels right to your personal situation. ![office affairs and office romances ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/flirting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Over 50% of Americans have had an office affair ## 1. Things can get weird At first, everything can seem amazing when you get it on with an office-mate. There’s the danger and secrecy of it all. But after the excitement starts to fade, things can get weird – fast. Example: How will you react when your co-worker starts to talk about dating other people? Will you feel rejected, angry or sad? How will this impact your work? ## 2. Promotions can be tricky Assume for a moment you are sleeping with a cube-mate. The passion is high and the connection is strong. Now imagine you get promoted to manager – your cube-mate’s manager. Will you be able to supervise this person? Are they really going to respect your authority? Acnd what if this individual got passed over for the promotion that you were just given. Will this complicate matters? ## 3. Office gossip When two people who work together start hooking up, other people can tell. It doesn’t matter how much you try to hide it, they have a way of finding out. How will your coworkers react to the romance? Will they gossip about your relationship and spread your business everywhere? Could this cause problems for you or your cube-mate down the road? Food for thought. ## 4. Getting busted by a spouse or partner If I had a dollar for the number of times a spouse (or partner) found out about their mate’s affair with a co-worker, I’d be rich. Well, maybe not rich but certainly well off. Here’s the thing – spouses (particularly women) have a way of knowing when [cheating is going on](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/). I can’t explain why and am not going to try. **They just do**. And when the bust goes down, sparks usually fly. More than once, I’ve seen situations where an angry spouse makes contact with the “other woman” or “other man”. It’s almost always ugly and uncomfortable. ## 5. Charges of sexual harassment You might think that if two people consent to a relationship, there’s no danger of a sexual harassment charge. But the hard truth is things like this happen all the time. There are many reasons for this, including jealousy over job advancement, differences in compensation, and general miscommunication. I’ve also seen situations where blackmail is used by a jaded lover who threatens to “go to the company” unless certain demands are made. And if you think it’s women doing it, think again. I’ve seen both. I’m not saying this is the norm. It’s not. **But it does happen**. Do you really want to place yourself in that situation for a quick fling? ## 6. Accusations of slacking When your colleagues become aware of your romance, they’ll start to watch things closely. This means all the private lunches and breaks you take with the person you are “getting with” are observed. It’s possible nobody will care. But it’s also possible your coworkers will get jealous and start accusing you both of slacking off. I’ve seen it more than once and it has killed perfectly good careers. Does this mean your gossipers are bitter, unhappy people? Perhaps. But that doesn’t really matter. But what is important is your job and ability to support yourself with a paycheck. Make sense? ## 7. Your reputation The final reason you should avoid office affairs relates to your reputation. This goes back to people gossiping, engaging in water cooler chit-chat about things you *think* are personal. Except they aren’t. Over the course of time, your professional image can start to become damaged. I’ve seen situations where men have been labeled as “womanizers” and conversely, women called “skanks”. Obviously, none of it is right and I certainly don’t agree with such conversations. **But they still happen**. In the final analysis, is the affair worth it – really? ## Wrap Up Being attracted to a co-worker isn’t unusual. In fact, the research tells us it’s a common experience. But there is a difference between being attracted to someone and becoming intimate. If you are contemplating having an affair with someone at work, think hard about the potential consequences. Some companies are requiring employees to sign “love contracts” That’s a fancy term used to describe a written agreement that outlines the particulars of an office romance while inoculating the organization against lawsuits. But here is the thing – once you sign that agreement, you are admitting you have something going on. And that document stays on your permanent work record. Is it really worth it? References: Vault Careers. (2015, February 11). *Finding love at work is more acceptable than ever*. Retrieved from Vault Careers: http://www.vault.com/blog/workplace-issues/2015-office-romance-survey-results/ **Categories:** Career, Growth, Relationships **Tags:** Career, Cheating, Dating, Office Affair, Romance, Work --- ### [5 Worst Co-Worker Personality Types and How to Deal With Them](https://guycounseling.com/worst-co-worker-personalities/) **Published:** June 24, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![coworker personality types](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/workplace-personalities.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Worst Co-Worker Types One of the best aspects of working from home is avoiding all the worst personality types at your job. When it’s time to physically clock back in again, you might find yourself ill-equipped to deal with your over-demanding boss or that creepy guy who complains about everything. Well, you might not be able to work from home forever. So, here are some tips on how to navigate the minefield of office personalities that’s waiting for you. Just try to keep in mind that you might be one of these people, too. ## Dealing with Difficult Coworkers ### 1. The Expert Every job has someone who thinks they know it all. They’re over-confident in their knowledge and skills. They’ve also got an opinion about everything you say and do. This person is never wrong, and they’ve always got a story to tell about how they saved the day. The expert seeks validation and that can work to your advantage. If you massage their ego, you can get them to help you with tasks around the office. Just be prepared for them to take all the credit in the end. Don’t waste your time trying to convince them that they’re wrong because they’ll just get defensive. It’s best to let them continue being the hero in their own world. ### 2. The Submissive Person You’ve probably encountered someone at work who doesn’t’ want to make waves or offend anyone by having a definite opinion. These people never offer their own ideas, and you never quite know where they stand. They don’t like to agree, and they don’t like to disagree. They just go with the flow. Submissive co-workers aren’t the worst of the bunch. They’re just not that helpful when a problem arises. So, don’t look to them for solutions; just utilize their willingness to cooperate. You need to understand that this person is fighting an internal battle with anxiety and they’re just trying to make it through the day. Give them a solid sense of direction and plenty of encouragement along the way. **RELATED:** [Is it Really Okay to Flirt with Your Co-Workers?](https://mensvariety.com/flirting-work/) ### 3. The Tyrant Boss Nobody wants to work for a dictator, but these types of people have a knack for working their way to the top of the food chain. They’re bullies and they know how to get their way. Tyrants are overly demanding and might even enjoy watching you squirm as they annihilate your self-esteem with brutal critiques of your performance. To deal with tyrant bosses, you need to stay on top of your game. Don’t feed them your mistakes and don’t expect their praise either when you get something right. It’s best to consider them as a workplace hazard. Whatever you do, don’t try to go over their head and take them down. Tyrant bosses have worked hard to make themselves indispensable to your organization. So, even if your boss has a boss, trying to dethrone a tyrant will likely lead to your own demise. ### 4. The Auto “Yes” Person Here’s another person whose survival instincts at work make for a terrible personality type. This person agrees to everything because it’s easier than saying “no”. They try to grab everything that comes their way, and they end up stressed out and agitated. They commit to everything and therefore, they rarely deliver on what is expected. If you have to deal with the Auto “Yes” Person, give them a second chance to say “no”. If you need something from them, ask them if they’re sure that they can get it done on time. Their automatic response is “yes”, but with another chance at a response, they might come clean and say “no”. If that doesn’t work, then let them know that you’re available if they need some help along the way. ### 5. The Auto “No” Person For every Yes Man, there is an Automatic “No” Person who doesn’t agree to help with anything. They are pessimistic about everything and will gladly watch the whole place burn to the ground. Saying “no” is how they survive at work and they’re not going to go the extra mile for anyone. Believe it or not, there are times when the Auto “No” Person can be helpful. When you’re dealing with a difficult client or customer, the inflexibility of the Auto “No” Person might be exactly what you need. When a situation calls for negativity or a strategic pivot, call in the negativity specialist. Just be sure that they remain civil. **RELATED:** [5 Things You Should Never Say at Work](https://mensvariety.com/never-say-work-1721/) ### **Try to Avoid Labeling People at Work** It’s one thing to be aware of the personality types that you deal with on a regular basis. It’s another thing to pigeonhole someone into a particular label. It can be extremely harmful. For example, if someone has a reputation for always saying “no”, then people might never give them an opportunity to act otherwise. Labeling co-workers and employees ignores their potential for growth. As mentioned earlier, nearly all these personality types are due to workplace survival instincts. People behave in these specific patterns due to their reactive behavior and past experiences. These are human beings, not robots. It’s important for you to understand their point of view. So, take a deep breath before you jump back into the work pool. It’s full of colorful personality types. Are you one of these personality types or are there a few that we missed? **READ NEXT:** [Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Be a Jerk at Work](https://mensvariety.com/jerk-work-research-914/) **Categories:** Career, Field Notes, Growth **Tags:** Co-Worker Types, Personality Types, Workplace --- ### [7 Ways Leaders Differ From Managers](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-leaders-differ-from-managers/) **Published:** May 3, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![Leader or manager?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/leader-vs-manager-differences.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leaders vs. Managers If you coach, train or develop people, there’s a good chance folks see you as a [leader](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/pfi.21265/full). This is particularly true for entrepreneurs who own and operate their own business. Much has been written about what constitutes being a leader. A frequent Socratic question asked of first year MBA students is: *Are managers and leaders the same?* The answer is that question (at least to me) is no. To be blunt, just because you supervise people doesn’t make you a leader. That’s not to say managers can’t be leaders. They absolutely can. I’m simply suggesting that a title alone doesn’t bestow leadership qualities. So, how do managers and leaders differ? Here are a few things to consider, adapted from the work of Hughes, Ginnet, & Curphy, 2008: ## Managers vs. Leaders How managers and leaders differ | Managers | Leaders | |---|---| | Administer | Innovate | | Maintain | Develop | | Control | Inspire | | Short term views | Long term views | | Ask how and when | Ask what and why | | Imitate | Originate | | Accept status quo | Challenge norm | ## 1. Managers Administer whereas Leaders Innovate By definition, management is the art of getting work accomplished through other people. Leaders, however, do the same but help followers by making the tasks they do simpler through innovation. The guiding question for many effective leaders is: *How can we do this better?* ## 2. Managers Maintain whereas Leaders Develop Folks who supervise typically are concerned with keeping departmental homeostasis. Do your job and don’t cause problems and the world will be fine. Leaders, however, become actively involved with their people and do so in a way that helps them grow. They realize that encouraging personal development benefits the organization as a whole. ## 3. Managers Control whereas Leaders Inspire “Have that report completed by COB tomorrow.” This is a typical request of a manager. In other words, supervisors often get things done because they hold inherent authority. But that doesn’t mean the employee wants to do the work. In many cases, they do it because they *have to*. Leaders, on the other hand, motivate action through inspiration. Followers naturally accomplish tasks (even mundane ones) because they’ve bought into a tangible vision of the future. That vision is set by the leader. President Kennedy is a good example of an [inspirational leader](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) who also was transformational. People followed him because they liked and trusted him. ## 4. Managers Have Short Term Goals whereas Leaders Long Term Many managers have short term goals that are often linked to economic gain. In fact, that’s what *management by objective* (MBO’s)are all about. Leaders, however, look at the long view (multi-year) with an eye on organizational growth. They typically ask the question: *Where do I want this company to be in five years? Ten years?* ## 5. Managers Ask How and When whereas Leaders Ask What and Why People who manage others are deadline driven. For them, knowing how something needs to be done and when it needs to be completed is critical. For leaders, particularly visionary types, the questions are much more esoteric. In short, leaders want to know *what* the organization is involved with and *why* it is necessary. ## 6. Managers Imitate whereas Leaders Originate A trait that is fairly straight forward. Managers often try to emulate someone they admire, hoping to vibe out their traits and characteristics. Leaders, however, are secure in who they are and naturally broadcast their personality, which is usually warm, intuitive and charismatic. ## 7. Managers Accept the Status Quo whereas Leaders Challenge it Folks who supervise others typically live by the mantra, “That’s the way we’ve always done it around here.” Leaders, which are typically agents of change, often challenge the status quo mentality. Deep inside, they know that for an organization to grow, change is critical. ## Wrap Up After reviewing the 7 differences between managers and leaders listed above, which traits most closely describe you? If the answer is *leader* and you want to grow your skills, I encourage you to learn all you can about this topic. A great book to consider on this front is: *The Mindfulness Edge: How to Rewire Your Brain for Leadership*. Thanks for stopping by! — **References** Hughes, R., Ginnet, R., & Curphy, G. (2008). *Leadership: Enhancing the lessons of experience.* Chicago: McGraw Hill. **Categories:** Career, Field Notes, Growth **Tags:** Leader, Leadership, Manager, Traits --- ### [What To Do About Work Burnout?](https://guycounseling.com/work-burnout/) **Published:** April 5, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![work burnout chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/work-burnout-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Work Burnout: A Closer Look Let’s talk about something that most men experience but few of us talk about: work burnout. You might not call it that, exactly. Maybe you just feel wiped out, short-tempered, unmotivated, or like you’re living the same day over and over again. Or maybe you’re grinding through the week just to get to the weekend, only to find that the weekend isn’t enough to refill your tank. Whatever you call it, if work feels more like survival than something meaningful, you’re probably dealing with burnout. And maybe even [anxious or depressed](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/). ## First of all, you’re not weak Let’s get this part straight. Burnout doesn’t mean you’re soft, lazy, or not “man enough.” I hear a lot of guys say things like, *“I should be able to handle this,”* or *“Other people have it worse.”* That kind of thinking just buries the problem deeper. Burnout isn’t about weakness—it’s about prolonged stress with no outlet. Even the most driven, high-achieving men burn out. In fact, they’re often the ones most at risk because they push themselves the hardest. ## The Symptoms You Might Be Ignoring Burnout doesn’t always look dramatic. It can sneak up in small ways: - You feel numb, checked out, or disconnected—even when you’re with people you care about - Your patience is thin. Little things irritate you more than they should - You wake up already dreading the day - You’re either working nonstop or zoning out with TV, food, alcohol, or scrolling - You’ve lost interest in stuff that used to make you feel alive—your hobbies, workouts, date nights, even sex If any of this sounds familiar, that’s your body and mind sending a signal: *“Something’s gotta give.”* **So, what do you *do* about work burnout?** Let’s break it down into five parts. These aren’t quick fixes, but they’re solid starting points. ## 1. Check Your Stories Men are often running on autopilot, following stories we learned growing up: - *“My worth comes from what I produce”* - *“I’m the provider—rest is a luxury”* - *“Real men power through”* Those stories can keep you stuck in burnout. Start by asking yourself: *Where did I learn this? And is it actually serving me?* You don’t need to quit your job or overhaul your life tomorrow, but you *do* need to be honest about the expectations you’ve placed on yourself—and whether they’re realistic or fair. ## 2. Put Recovery on the Calendar Burnout recovery isn’t something that just happens when you finally get that vacation or hit your goals. You have to *schedule* rest and recovery the way you’d schedule a meeting or workout. That might mean: - Blocking off a few hours each week for something that has zero to do with work or productivity - Getting outside, moving your body, or doing something tactile (building, fixing, cooking) - Spending time with people who don’t drain you - Taking real lunch breaks. Not at your desk. Not while answering emails You don’t earn rest by burning out—you *prevent* burnout by building in rest. ## 3. Talk to Someone (Yes, Really) Most men don’t talk about burnout until it’s *bad.* Like, relationships-are-suffering and health-is-declining bad. Here’s the truth: talking it out helps. That might mean opening up to a close friend or partner. It might mean working with a therapist who gets what it’s like to be a man under pressure. Sometimes just saying out loud, *“I’m exhausted and I don’t know what to do,”* is the first crack in the wall that lets light in. ## 4. Reconnect With Meaning Burnout is often a sign that your work has lost meaning—or that you’re pouring everything into work and starving other parts of your life. Ask yourself: - When was the last time I felt proud of what I did? - What part of my job do I still enjoy (if any)? - Outside of work, what makes me feel like *me*? You don’t have to find your “passion” overnight. But you *do* need to connect with something that gives your life a sense of purpose—whether that’s family, faith, creativity, community, or a personal goal. ## 5. Make Small Shifts, Not Grand Escapes Burnout can make you fantasize about quitting your job, moving to the woods, or starting a new life. While that sounds tempting, most of the time, what we actually need are small, consistent shifts. Could you: - Set better boundaries around work hours? - Say no to one thing this week? - Ask for help instead of white-knuckling it? - Take 15 minutes each morning to be quiet before the day starts? You don’t have to change everything. You just have to stop ignoring what’s not working—and take the next right step. ## Final Thought: You’re Not Alone Burnout isn’t just a personal issue. It’s a cultural one. We live in a society that glorifies overwork and treats exhaustion like a badge of honor. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep running on empty. If you’re feeling burnt out, listen to that inner signal. It’s not telling you to give up—it’s telling you it’s time to live differently. You’ve got options. You’ve got choices. And you’ve got support—even if it doesn’t feel like it yet. If you’re ready to talk about it, or even if you’re just tired of carrying it alone, reach out. You’re not meant to do this by yourself. **Categories:** Career, Growth **Tags:** Anxiety, Burnout, stress --- ### [The Cancer Man Ultimate Guide](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/) **Published:** June 7, 2017 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![cancer men personality traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/cancer-man-personality-traits.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Cancer Man: June 22 – July 22](#Cancer_Man_June_22_%E2%80%93_July_22) - [Cancer, Astrology and You](#Cancer_Astrology_and_You) - [Cancer Men Personality Traits](#Cancer_Men_Personality_Traits) - [Cancer Sign Overview](#Cancer_Sign_Overview) - [Cancer: A Water Sign](#Cancer_A_Water_Sign) - [Cancer Man Traits: Positive and Negative](#Cancer_Man_Traits_Positive_and_Negative) - [The Moon: Cancer Man’s Ruling Planet](#The_Moon_Cancer_Mans_Ruling_Planet) - [Cancer Men: Traits That Stand Out](#Cancer_Men_Traits_That_Stand_Out) - [Cancer Man as a Friend](#Cancer_Man_as_a_Friend) - [Cancer Men and Money](#Cancer_Men_and_Money) - [Cancer Males and Careers](#Cancer_Males_and_Careers) - [Cancer Man Personality and General Temperament](#Cancer_Man_Personality_and_General_Temperament) - [Cancer Man Intellect](#Cancer_Man_Intellect) - [Cancer Men and Anxiety](#Cancer_Men_and_Anxiety) - [Cancer Man Personality Summed Up](#Cancer_Man_Personality_Summed_Up) - [Compatibility for Cancer Men](#Compatibility_for_Cancer_Men) - [Dating a Cancer Man](#Dating_a_Cancer_Man) - [Sex with Cancer Men](#Sex_with_Cancer_Men) - [How to Attract Cancer Men](#How_to_Attract_Cancer_Men) - [Cancer Men Arousal Zones](#Cancer_Men_Arousal_Zones) - [Health Issues and Cancer Men](#Health_Issues_and_Cancer_Men) - [Cancer Sign Constellation](#Cancer_Sign_Constellation) - [Famous Cancer Men](#Famous_Cancer_Men) - [Cancerian Man Resources](#Cancerian_Man_Resources) - [Cancer Guy Poll](#Cancer_Guy_Poll) - [Summary](#Summary) ## **Cancer Man: June 22 – July 22** Hunting for information on the Cancer man? Hoping to find out about his approach to love and life? Are you curious about what sex is like with the Cancer man? If you are answering yes to these questions, you’ve come to the right place. This page is all about Cancer Sun Sign men, including their personality traits, how they love and the way they attach to others in relationships. In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, the Cancer man is one of the least understood of the Zodiac signs. Moreover, finding accurate information about his traits unique can be difficult. Sadly, some try to lump together male Cancer traits with females. That’s a shame because while they share the same sign, they express themselves differently. My hope in writing this piece is to help change the narrative. ![Pisces man planets](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-planets-in-the-universe.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1 "Cancer Sun Sign Men")Cancer Sun Sign Men Revealed Visitors to Guy Counseling know that from time to time, I will pen articles on the Zodiac signs as a way of encouraging personal insight. In truth, psychology and spirituality intersect at a crossroads called *psycho-spirituality*. This is a ten-dollar term used to describe the relationship between psychological constructs and spiritualism. The famous psychiatrist Carl Jung often pulled upon spiritual principles as part of his healing work; something he linked to a theory called the [active imagination](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1465-5922.1966.00135.x/full) (Davidson, 1966). ## **Cancer, Astrology and You** One need not believe in astrology in order to benefit from learning about the Zodiacs. In my experience, all spiritual teachings offer something to learners, provided there is an open mind. All that I will present here is based on research, coupled with mythology recorded in the ancient texts. Additionally, scholarly citations have been included where necessary. In this article, you will learn about: - Cancer sign background - Cancer men traits (positive and negative) - Earth’s moon as a ruling planet of Cancer - What Cancer men are like as friends - Cancer men and careers - Cancer men and money - General temperament of Cancer men - Intellectual traits of Cancer guys - Cancer men and compatibility - Sex with a Cancer man - Dating a Cancer guy - How to attract Cancer men - Cancer men arousal zones - Health issues and Cancer men - The Cancer constellation - Famous Cancer sign men - Myths about Cancer men - Resources for learning Before diving in too far, you have a right to know who is authoring this piece. I am not an astrologer nor a “psychic”. Instead, I’m a counselor and educator who enjoys writing about these kinds of topics. To demonstrate I am not bias, you should know that I am a [Scorpio male](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/). To help start your journey off, I’ve included a chart below that breaks down several of the positive and negative traits of Cancer men. Later in this piece, I’ve expanded on these characteristics in greater detail. ## Cancer Men Personality Traits | Cancer Man Traits | Positive | Negative | Trait Intensity | |---|---|---|---| | Empathic | x | | High | | Communications | x | | High | | Caring | x | x | High | | Devoted | x | | Medium | | Loyal | x | | High | | Creative | x | | High | | Reclusive | | x | Medium | | Trouble saying no | | x | High | | Addiction prone | | x | Low | | Compassionate | x | | High | ## **Cancer Sign Overview** In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Cancer is considered the “Fourth House” of the astrological universe. A “house” is nothing more than a theoretical construct that holds certain traits. In turn, these traits are gifted to those born under its shadow. If you were to open the door to the Fourth House and walk inside, you will feel the presence of warm, nurturing energy. Additionally, you would intuit that you are welcomed and feel a sense of love. **More:** [Learn about the Cancer Symbol](https://guycounseling.com/4-cancer-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/) It is not known how many people are Cancer sun signs however, scientific evidence suggests the number is low. This makes sense when one considers that most births happen in late summer, meaning August and September (Melina, 2010). Cancer Zodiac signs are born between June 22 – July 22. ## **Cancer: A Water Sign** If you are a Cancer or know a man who is, be aware he is a water sign. There are only three zodiacs that fall under this Trigon; Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces. Water signs are characteristically known for possessing specific traits. These include: - Emotional sensitivity - Empathic (some say psychic) abilities - Highly intuitive If you are wondering what a “water sign” means, I’ll tell you straight out. The mystics assigned each of the Zodiacs a symbolic element. For example, Capricorns are “Earth Signs”. Aquarius born people are “Air Signs”. Leos are “Fire Signs. Think of these as metaphors as opposed to something literal. For our purposes, Cancer males are deep – like the oceans they live in. This is how they are able to feel and intuit so much in others. ![Cancer Men Traits and Personality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saturn-moons.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer Men Are Ruled by the Moon ## **Cancer Man Traits: Positive and Negative** Positive Traits: - Compassionate - Protective - Caring - Nurturing - Patient - Talkative - Charitable - Empathic - Animal Lover Negative Traits: - Overprotective - Prone to worry - Moody (crabby) - Pessimistic - Prone to depression - Clingy - Nags - Weak verbal filter ![cancer sun sign men explored](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Cancer-Men-Moon.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)The Moon Has Influence on Cancer Sun Signs ## **The Moon: Cancer Man’s Ruling Planet** It is not possible to give the specific traits of the Cancer man until we first examine his ruling planet: The Moon. While it is true in astronomy that the moon is not a true planet, in the world of ancient alchemy, it is (Burnett, 2013). Located approximately 29,000 miles from where you are right now, this celestial satellite was caught in earth’s gravitational orbit some 4.5 billion years ago. Science tells us the moon is linked to our planet’s flow of tides, human hormones and female menstrual cycles. In fact, the word menopause is based on the Greek term, *meno* (moonpower) (Hauck, 2009). How Cancer Came to Be? Legend has it that [Cancer’s joint spiral galaxies](http://www.constellation-guide.com/constellation-list/cancer-constellation/) once touched and caused a cosmic rift. A nearby moon was dislodged from its orbit and was caught up in a powerful kinetic wave. Cresting atop this energy ribbon was the metaphorical crab, absorbing wisdom as it rocketed through the cosmos. Just before it established a stable orbit around our planet, the Crab was zapped from its parental constellation with a bolt of lighting. This infused him with with deep psychic powers. ## **Cancer Men: Traits That Stand Out** The key traits that stand out about for Cancer men are threefold: 1) Emotional, 2) Protective and; 3) Caring. If you meet a guy who is born under the Cancer sun sign, there’s a better than good chance he’s a homebody. This is mentioned as a compliment. Like the crab’s protective shell, Cancer men like being in familiar, safe places. On this point, you need to know these men keep their living spaces in meticulous condition. Some might even say they are obsessive about it. On the karmic level, this makes sense. That’s because for Cancer sun signs, it’s critical they live in nurturing, supportive, and safe environments. This is not to say Cancer men don’t like the outdoors because they do – a lot. They gravitate to water and love activities like boating, [canoeing and river camping](https://guycounseling.com/canoe-camping-trip-planning/). Cancer Men and Animals Another key trait that stands out Cancer males is there love of animals. For reasons that escape my level of awareness, animals seem to bond with these men in an uncanny way. Ancient lore suggests some of this may be due to the sign’s empathic abilities. I’ve personally gone on wilderness trips with other guys and watched wild animals, like squirrels, rabbits, coyote and deer walk right up to these guys without an ounce of fear. Moreover, Cancer men are suckers for taking in injured wildlife. Something deep inside of them commands that they nurture these creatures back to health. In this way, Cancer men are like another water sign, Pisces. ![The universal sign of cancer is the crab](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/blue-crab-478183_640.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer zodiac represented by the crab ## **Cancer Man as a Friend** If you are looking for a loyal friend that will be in your life for many years to come, the Cancer male is your guy. Gaining their trust however, takes time. That’s because by nature, this sign is guarded with an eye for sincerity. Translation: Cancer men can tell who is being authentic and who is being fake. If you are transparent about who you are, they’ll trust you. Try to be hide something from them and they’ll know right away. Water signs all have this capability. Most will have friendships that can be traced back to early childhood; relationships they’ve nurtured and invested in for decades. One important piece of information to keep in mind is the protective nature of Cancer when it comes to friendships. They don’t handle criticism of people they care about well. It is just part of their cosmic DNA. Finally, Cancer guys love to listen and talk. Not in the narcissistic way but instead via two-way communication. In fact, they thrive on this big time. ## **Cancer Men and Money** Like their personality, Cancer men are cautious with money. They aren’t impulsive spenders and aren’t ones to throw down a bunch of cash for the latest techno-gadgets. The only exception might be products related to home. Because of their homebody persona, they like to live in safe, restorative and comfortable environments. Spending money on furniture and appliances, even if they cost a ton, are just fine by this sign. For Cancer males, specifically, you need to know they also spend money on their man-caves. While the sign itself is very family unit focused, the males need a place to retreat for restorative purposes. Think of their man-caves as a place they go to regenerate. Because they absorb a lot emotionally, they need a safe place to chillax. ## **Cancer Males and Careers** Analytical, patient and caring are the personality trademarks of Cancer males. They excel when they are able to lean into their unique gifts; intuitiveness, communication and caretaking. Good career choices for this sign include: - Teacher - Professor - Counselor - Doctor - Veterinarian - Nurse - Helping professional Finally, Cancer men are natural born writers. While it may take time for them to discover this gift, once they do, they excel. That’s why many journalists happen to be Cancer. As an aside, Cancers (men and women) do particularly well when working from home so they can be close to family. However, if the male is single and lives alone, he should be working outside of the home. The reason is simple: Cancers unintentionally isolate. If they don’t socialize, they become vulnerable to depression. Finally, in the metaphoric sense, crabs work extremely well together in groups. If you have a Cancer male on your team, he’s going to do everything possible to help the group succeed. ![cancer man love and sex compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Cancer-Man-Love-and-Sex.png?resize=390%2C390&ssl=1)Cancer Male Traits Revealed ## **Cancer Man Personality and General Temperament** You’ll find most all men who fall under the Cancer sign have an even temperament. While it’s true the guys tend to be emotional, that doesn’t mean they wear it on their sleeve. Until they get to know you, Cancer men are like Scorpio guys in that they conceal their feelings. But once they come out of their protective shell and trust you, they are an open book. In this way, Cancer men are similar to [Pisces males](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/); a sign known for its emotional transparency. While it is their nature to be social, it’s fair to say most of the males exhibit introverted qualities. They prefer one on one situations and small groups. If given a choice, they will avoid large crowds and or places where the masses congregate. You may be wondering why? Like Scorpio and Pisces, Cancer is a water sign and therefore gifted with empathic abilities. Being exposed to a bunch of people at once can be overwhelming. In turn, this causes the symbolic crab to retreat into his shell. Finally, Cancer signs (men and women) are nocturnal creatures. It is thought part of this relates to the moon’s influence on circadian rhythm; also known as the human body clock. The Moon’s Influence When exploring the temperament of this sign, the moon must be factored into the equation. The mystics tell us that more than the other Zodiacs, Cancer is deeply impacted by the position of the moon. Ancient lore suggests when the moon is full, Cancer men reach their emotional peak.  During this small window of time, they are vulnerable to mood changes. Just as the tides on earth are influenced by the gravitational tug of the moon, so are the emotions of Cancer born guys. The real impact of the moon on Cancer men can be felt sexually. This will be covered more as you continue reading. ## **Cancer Man Intellect** Cancer men are curious about the world around them. They have strong intellects and gravitate towards conversations about what is happening in the here and now. Current events, sports and political issues that focus on social justice are all of keen interest to the males. Because of Cancer’s empathic powers, there is a high degree of emotional intelligence; a fancy term used to describe a person’s ability to “get” what another person feels. Using their metaphorical pincers, Cancer guys take in information on three different levels: - Emotional - Psychological - Spiritual Conversations can run the gamut from tawdry gossip to ancient belief systems. There’s really no limit to what they are capable of conversing about. ## **Cancer Men and Anxiety** Like all water signs, Cancer struggles with anxiety. They tend to worry about everything, particularly if it relates to a family member, like a spouse, parent or child. This aspect of their personality is imprinted into their persona. It is why Cancer men are so fiercely protective and will fight to the death to defend loved ones. While this may seem like an attractive trait at first glance, it can also be a negative. That’s because Cancer guys can worry so much that they worry themselves into knots. They also tend to nag. Additionally, because Cancerian men are prone to anxiety, they sometimes make comments that they later regret. In many ways, the struggle with a verbal filter. In relationships, the men also take on an anxious attachment style, fearful of being hurt or abandoned. The key to working through the crab’s anxiety is remaining calm while keeping communications open. This will help to ameliorate the intensity of their feelings. But here is the deal – at the end of the day, this is a man that worries a lot about the people he loves. It’s best to accept this as part of his energy. Trying to change this trait is pointless. ## **Cancer Man Personality Summed Up** Cancer is a sign of family and relationships with chip for emotional intuitiveness. The men specifically are logical, analytical and emotional, all at once. Because they are a cardinal sign, they can adapt to and even empower change. When you think of Cancer men, think homebodies. They put a premium on relationships with family being of great importance. ![Cancer men outdoors ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/backpacking-tips-wilderness.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer Men have a spiritual with nature ## **Compatibility for Cancer Men** Cancer will generally get along with most all signs however, the men seem to do best in long term relationships with just a few. Here are the three “best matches” for Cancer men: **Scorpio:** Both are empathic, intuitive and intellectual. Cancer can handle Scorpio’s ability to be vindictive where Scorpio can help Cancer through its worrisome cycles. In many ways, it is thought both water signs are the perfect match. [See Scorpio and Cancer post](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/). **Pisces:** Cancers and Pisces are thought to be an extremely good match. Both are empathic and both are intuitive. Pisces will mirror some Cancer traits because Pisces is a mutable sign. Arguments are rare between the two water signs. Additionally, Pisces can handle the Cancer man’s fluctuating moods around the time of full moon; something other signs may struggle with. **Taurus:** Because Taurus is an earth sign, the goat helps to keep the crab centered. And because Taurus is also a homebody, the two complement one another. Taurus has the strange ability to keep Cancer in its place when emotions run high. Additionally, the centered energy of Taurus translates into Cancer calmness. The mystics suggest some signs do not go well together. For water signs, this is very much the case. In the case of Cancer men, here are two that can be problematic. **Aries:** The feisty, competitive and aggressive nature of Aries makes it difficult for the Cancer man. Additionally, Aries is an extroverted sign which can conflict with Cancer’s homebody nature. **Libra:** An air sign, Libra is highly intellectual and analytical and tends to relate on this level with mates. For Cancer men, this can pose problems because in the absence of an emotional connection, he struggles to relate. ## **Dating a Cancer Man** Should you date a Cancer man, you’ll need to keep the following in mind. - Slow to trust but once they do, they bond quickly and powerfully. - Prefers activities that don’t involve big crowds. Think movies, theater, quiet coffee shops and restaurants. They also do well with outdoor activities, like walks on the beach or on a nature path. - Get ready to talk a lot with a Cancer guy. He thrives off communication. Moreover, whatever you talk about needs to be genuine because he’ll be able to easily tell if you are being fake. - The men like to romance their mates in a very traditional way. Many describe the guys as old school types. - Cancer guys are charmers. You need to know they will charm you to disarm you. In turn, this allows them to use their metaphorical pincers to probe your emotions. ## **Sex with Cancer Men** Significant research has been conducted on sex with Cancer men based on narrative reports (Shaughnessy, 1990). When you think of intercourse with Cancer men, the proponderence of evidence suggests the guys relate on an emotional level. Moreover, it is said that as the moon cycles through it’s 27-day cycle, male Cancerian sexual energy intensifies. At full moon, the men become sexual werewolves. The following characteristics seem to be pronounced with this sun sign: - Requires emotional attachment for bonding/mating. - Sexual intercourse tends to be passionate and powerful - The men take on a dominate role and rarely are submissive - Not into quick hookups and prefers longer, intimate experiences. - Prefers more traditional “vaninalla” type encounters and not a fan of dirty talk. - May be slow to engage in a sexual experience but when it happens, it is marked with high passion. - Should arguments occur, Cancer men will engage in “makeup sex” however, there are limits. Example, don’t look to the bedroom for emotional healing if you cheat on a Cancer guy. He’s not going to go for it. - Sexually, Cancer men are singularly focused on their mates. If you are one to try new experiences, like Aquarius sun signs, it’s not going to be a good match. **More:** [Learn about Aquarius men](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) ![Cancer Sun Signs Revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/cancer-sun-sign-moon.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Harvest Moon: Cancer Guys Revealed ## **How to Attract Cancer Men** In general, Cancer men will be drawn to genuine personality types that can show emotion with ease. Because he is shy by nature, it can be difficult to tell if he likes you. The best way to grab his attention is to make eye contact. If you notice he’s looks back and establishes a connection, that’s a good sign. Once conversation begins, just be yourself. He’ll use his symbolic pinchers to get a sense of you, primarily accomplished through questions. Finally, because Cancer is a water sign, he will intuitive much from your touch. A simple graze of your hand against his will communicate volumes. While this may seem like an amazing trait, it can also be a curse. That’s because if Cancer males don’t sense anything emotional from you, they’ll scurry away. ## **Cancer Men Arousal Zones** Ancient lore suggests that Cancer men have certain body parts that act as arousal zones. These include: - Lips - Ears - Palms - Bellies The hardest part of a crab’s body is the top shell. The most vulnerable part is his soft underbelly. It is thought that by initiating contact with the abdomen, passionate energy is released. ## **Health Issues and Cancer Men** Overall, Cancer sun sign men keep themselves in good health. There are certain conditions, however, the guys are vulnerable to. Most of these relate to anxiety; a trait that is part of the Cancer persona. These include: - Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) - Ulcers - Colitis - Back problems - Weight gain - Alcohol abuse ## Cancer Sign Constellation If you are curious about the Cancer constellation, be sure to check out this video. Knowing some of this information can help  shed light on how this sign thinks, behaves and operates. ## **Famous Cancer Men** - Tom Cruise - Harrison Ford - Jared Padalecki - Patrick Stewart - Richard Branson - Will Farrell - John Quincy Adams - Mike Tyson - Tom Cruise - Sylvester Stallone - Taylor Kinney There are several myths floating around about Cancer men that simply aren’t true. Below, I’ve mentioned the biggies. - Cancer men aren’t dominant - Cancer sun sign guys don’t cry - If a Cancer [man has green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/), he’s highly psychic - Most cancer men don’t like to swim - Cancer men don’t like wearing [men’s colognes](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) - Cancer men aren’t good business leaders - Cancer men aren’t compatible with other Cancers - Moonstone has a Viagra effect on Cancer men ## Cancerian Man Resources If you are looking to learn more about Cancer men, there are several resources available online. One book that I highly recommend is: *[Cancer Sun Sign Series](http://amzn.to/2sF8jVF).* What’s nice about this read is the straight-forward, easy to understand format the author uses. Cancer males are specifically explored as part of the narrative. ## **Cancer Guy Poll** As a pathway to understanding, I’ve published a poll above on Cancer men. It’s not scientific so keep this in mind when you assess the results. ## Summary Cancer men are loyal, intelligent, and faithful. They are also very wise. When you think of a Cancer guy and relationships, conjure up mental scenarios of long term, family oriented situations. If you found this material useful, please share with your friends. Thank you for visiting Men’s Culture **Additional Reading on Men and the Zodiac** [Taurus Men: Traits and characteristics](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) [Capricorn Men: Key Traits](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/) [Leo Men: Learn Key Characteristics](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/) — References: Burnett, C. (2013). *The Astrologer’s Assay of the Alchemist: Early References to Alchemy in Arabic and Latin Texts*. Retrieved from Ambix: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1179/amb.1992.39.3.103?journalCode=yamb20 Davidson, D. (1966). Transference as a Form of Active Imagination. *Journal of analytical psychology*. Hauck, W. (2009). *Idiot’s guide to alchemy.* New York: Alpha Books. Melina, R. (2010). *In Which Month Are the Most Babies Born?* Retrieved from Live Science: http://www.livescience.com/32728-baby-month-is-almost-here-.html Shaughnessy, M. (1990). Effects of Birth Order, Sex, and Astrological Sign on Personality. *Psychological Reports*. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aquarius, Astrology, Cancer Men, Moon, Pisces, scorpio, Taurus, Zodiac --- ### [What Dreams About Your Ex Mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-ex-boyfriend-girlfriend/) **Published:** December 1, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dreams about your ex](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/dreams-ex-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Dreams about your ex decoded** Have you been having dreams about your ex? Does this person visit you at night while sleeping? Do you wake up scratching your head, wondering WTF? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. One of the most common types of dreams are those involving ex-partners. Not long ago, I wrote about what it means to [dream about your crush](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/). Given interest in the topic, I felt inspired to pen this piece. Let’s face it – dreams about exes can be unsettling. This is particularly true if the relationship ended badly. Should your dream include romantic imagery, such as intimate touching and kissing, it can make the experience really confusing. **So, what are these dreams all about? Why are you having them? Moreover, what do they *really* mean?** Now before we get too far in, I need to say dreams are a subjective in nature and unique to each dreamer. Therefore, when reading the material below, it is best to view your dream through the lens of symbolism. I’ll walk you through five common dream types involving former girlfriends and boyfriends. My promise is to share information that is free of psycho-babble so that you can arrive at a place of greater understanding. Let’s jump right in! ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3ohzdXrdssfeVdL9vy/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## 1. Seeing your ex in a dream This is the most common type of experience. Here, you simply see an image of the person – such as their face or body. They may or may not use verbal communication. Some people report that even without words, there is a deep knowing that transcends time and space. Much depends upon the previously shared connection. At any rate, their presence in your dream is usually linked to a trait they possess that you need in your life right now. Examples: - Strength - Compassion - Understanding - Wisdom - Sexual energy ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/SRbVg86icBP9K/giphy.gif?resize=628%2C305&ssl=1) ## 2. Kissing your ex in a dream Another common (and confusing) experience for some is dreaming about kissing an ex. Almost always, the kiss is passionate and sensual. They can also be reoccurring in nature. But remember, it’s important to look at your dream symbolically and not literally. In the case of kissing, this usually represents some form of communication. Are you missing passion in your life right now? If so, did your ex provide this to you in the past? If the answer is yes, this could be your mind’s way of communicating a current need. Deep below the conscious level, there may be a part of your psyche that yearns for an emotional connection with another. This point is particularly true if you are in a relationship with someone (currently) who isn’t giving you what you need. Because the human mind connects to what is familiar, ex’s can pop up subconsciously as a kind of emotional messenger. In truth, they are relaying material that you need in the here and now. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/sUgBMA18a1RT2/giphy.gif?resize=605%2C316&ssl=1) ## 3. Dreams about hooking up with your ex When you dream of hooking up with your ex, pay attention. That’s because your mind may be trying to communicate carnal needs that aren’t being met. By carnal, I mean sexual. Yep, we’re talking good old-fashioned time between the sheets. Typically, hookup dreams about ex’s speak to an unmet aspect of your life. Here are some questions: Are you with someone now who is physically unsatisfying? On the flipside, are you single right now but not sexually active? While there’s no way to be sure, intimacy based dreams involving an ex-mate may suggest a need for sexy time in your life. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/rJ3bQbbUn0BIk/giphy.gif?resize=578%2C290&ssl=1) ## 4. Dreams about your ex sleeping with someone Have you been dreaming about your ex sleeping with someone new? Upon reflection, does the imagery make you feel happy for them or jealous? Think about this for a moment before reading. The answer to that question is important. In my experience, the imagery is symbolic of letting go and moving on. In other words, that you are dreaming about an ex having sexy-time with a new mate means you have healed from the breakup. **More:** [What dreams about death and dying mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) The only exception to this is if you felt jealous, either during the dream or upon waking up. Should this be the case, there’s a good chance your mind has produced the material as a sign of unfinished business. So how do you know the difference? If you weren’t upset after having the dream, it’s probably a sign of healing. If you were angry or envious, it likely means you still have unresolved feelings that need to be processed. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/ZEQVk9bPLjVZu/giphy.gif?resize=588%2C248&ssl=1) ## 5. Dreams about ex years later Out of all the thematic type dreams listed above, this scenario by far is the most confusing. If you broke up with your ex five, ten or twenty years ago and they are just now popping into your head, you know exactly what I mean. Why on earth are they showing up? Folks, you will read explanations elsewhere but here’s my take. Most of the time, the ex you are dreaming about from yesteryear is appearing because you miss some aspect of them. Was your ex nurturing? Did this person understand you in ways that your current mate does not? Is there an element of their personality that you need in your life right now? The human brain has a way of producing what it needs, even if it’s just imagery. If your ex from many years ago is appearing now, it’s time to do some journaling. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and compile a brief list of your ex’s attributes. When you are done, reflect on what you have written and let the person’s key traits resonate – deep inside. Once accomplished, you’ll be in a better position to understand why they are visiting you while sleeping. ## Wrap Up Well, there you have it. Dreams about ex’s broken down into common themes. Your experience may not exactly fit what’s been described above and that’s OK. What’s important is that you are exploring with self-insight. And that’s a good thing. If you want to know more about the symbolic meaning of dreams, I encourage you to pick up a copy of *The Complete Dictionary of Dreams* by Lennox ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2Anueoy)). It’s a great resource for anyone trying to understand the mind’s subconscious projector. Thanks for taking the time to stop by! **Categories:** Growth, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Meaning, Dreams, Ex, Symbolism --- ### [Which Zodiac Signs is a Leo Man Most Compatible With?](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-compatibility-love/) **Published:** March 27, 2019 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![leo man compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/leo-man-compatibility.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Leo Men and Compatibility Interested in learning which signs are most compatible with Leo? How about the least compatible ones? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I’m about to reveal the answers to those questions – plus many more. Yep, that’s right – this post is all about Leo men and love. ## Quick Leo Overview Born between July 23 and August 22, Leo men are gregarious, outgoing and natural born leaders. They are charismatic and dominating, according to [lore](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00223980.1971.9916861?journalCode=vjrl20). At their core, they firmly believe they can achieve whatever they put their mind too. They can tend to prioritise style over substance, but their charisma and confidence mean that they often successfully bluff their way to the top. They know what they want and have no problem asking for it. Leo men have a healthy ego. They know their value, and very little can dampen their confidence and enthusiasm. They suffer setbacks like everyone, but they never let this get them down for long as they know that you’ve only failed when you have given up. Despite the strength of their ego, they like to have their ego stroked, and enjoy being praised and celebrated. Leo loves to be the centre of attention. ## Leo, Love, and Relationships Leo also tends to be a control freak, and likes to have everything his way, because his way is the best way, of course. He can struggle to make genuine compromises for the needs of others. Ruled by the sun, Leo is one of the Fire signs. This fuels their burning ambition, leaves them with a heated temper, but also means that they have a warm heart and a great sense of humour. They can be blinded by their own light, which means that they can lose sight of what other people need. But this is blindness rather than deliberate selfishness. They are also [generous in their affections](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) and are always open and honest in their dealings of others. They believe that you get what you give in life. They never lie about themselves. If they big themselves up, it is because they believe in their own hype! ![leo man compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-cologne-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo men love to be worshiped ## Most Compatible with Leo Leo men tend to be most compatible with Aquarius or Gemini. Aquarius is highly intellectual and tends to form relationships where they already have a friend connection. They are open with their feelings and are willing to take risks in order to secure their happiness. They expect the same openness from the people in their life, and give their trust willingly, though can be unforgiving when it is broken. Aquarius’ main problem is that they expect their partner to share their ability to read their unspoken signals. **More:** [Learn about Aquarius men](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) Despite Leo’s inability to pick up on unspoken signals, they make a good partner with Aquarius. They will develop a stimulating relationship based on mutual trust. Also, while Aquarius will be happy to stroke Leo’s ego as needed, they will also have no problem calling them out when they are being selfish. Far from finding this annoying, Leo will appreciate how this helps them be a better person. Gemini are outgoing and always have a large circle of friends and love making new acquaintances. However, unlike Leo who is certain of who they are and what they want in life, Gemini can be highly changeable. Cynthia from [NumerologySign](https://numerologysign.com/) explains that their attention is easily drawn by the next thing, and they tend to adapt themselves to new situations, rather than expect the situation to adapt to them. Leo men are dynamic enough to hold Gemini’s attention, and Leo’s strong sense of self can counterbalance Gemini’s changeability. Meanwhile Gemini’s adaptable nature means that they can fit in Leo’s world, but their own passion for life means that they will feed off Leo’s fire rather than be burnt up by it. Leo and Gemini will form a gregarious power couple always surrounded by friends. ([See more on the traits of a Leo man](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/)). ![cute black couple holding hands](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/black-couple-holding-hands.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Some signs aren’t the best match for Leo ## Least Compatible Leo men tend to be least compatible with Taurus and Scorpio. Taurus tends to be highly in tune with the needs of others, making them a sensitive and empathetic partner. However, they also have the tendency to put the needs of their partner above their own. **More:** [Learn about Scorpio men in love](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) If their partner takes this for granted, then Taurus can find themselves extremely unhappy, though they probably will not understand why or see that their situation is of their own making. They may blame their partner, even though they never asked Taurus to make these compromises. According to [Your Tango](https://www.yourtango.com/2018312565/leo-compatibility-guide-which-zodiac-signs-most-and-least-compatible-with-leo), Leo’s controlling tendencies and blindness when it comes to the needs of others mean that they can often take advantage of Taurus’ generous spirit without realising. Their ego and needs can cause Taurus to grind themselves into the ground, resulting in a very unhealthy relationship. In contrast, Scorpio matches Leo in their ambition and focus on getting what they want out of life. Unlike Leo, Scorpio tends to be secretive about their own feelings. They are never dishonest, and cannot tolerate dishonesty in others, but they believe that others need to earn the right for access. Despite their own secretiveness they also have a tendency to be suspicious and jealous, and this can manifest in unhealthy ways. Scorpio is the sign who is likely to check their partner’s mobile, and see red when their partner talks to another person. As Leo and Scorpio are [both controlling and ambitious](https://www.thelovequeen.com/leo-in-love-sign-compatibility/), they can struggle to make the compromises needed to make a relationship work. Further, Scorpio may consider Leo’s inflated ego as dishonest, and this can rub them the wrong way. Also, Leo’s outgoing nature means that they are always surrounded by friends and meeting new people, which can inflame Scorpio’s jealous streak. Leo will struggle to understand where Scorpio is coming from with this, as they are always honest and will not see how their actions may be hurting their partner. ## Conclusion While our Sun Sign can tell us a lot about who we tend to be compatible with and why, love can be inexplicable and often breaks the rules. When it comes to love, the best thing is to know yourself well. Know what you need from a relationship, and also which of your own tendencies tend to sabotage good relationships and work on them. Leo needs to remember that just as they thrive in the spotlight and from controlling everything, their partner will enjoy the same things, and to learn to share. — **Related:** [Learn about Taurus men in love](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) [How Cancer and Scorpio match](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/) [Capricorn men in love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-truths/) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aquarius, Astrology, Leo, scorpio, Taurus --- ### [Aries Women - What Every Man Needs To Know](https://guycounseling.com/aries-female-revealed/) **Published:** April 8, 2019 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![Aries female woman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/aries-female-women.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Here’s What You Need to Know About the Aries Female](#Heres_What_You_Need_to_Know_About_the_Aries_Female) - [Aries Females Personality Inside Out](#Aries_Females_Personality_Inside_Out) - [Aries Women – Personality Traits](#Aries_Women_%E2%80%93_Personality_Traits) - [Aries Women – Most Compatible](#Aries_Women_%E2%80%93_Most_Compatible) - [Aries Females and Leo Men](#Aries_Females_and_Leo_Men) - [Aries Women and Libra Males](#Aries_Women_and_Libra_Males) - [Aries Female – The Least Compatible Signs](#Aries_Female_%E2%80%93_The_Least_Compatible_Signs) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## Here’s What You Need to Know About the Aries Female Searching for information on the Aries female? If so, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I’m about to tell you everything you need to know about Aries women with insight you’ll get nowhere else. Born between March 21 and April 19, Aries females are fiery in every way: they have fiery ambition, fiery passion, and a very fiery temper! While Aries women are excitable and often struggle with impulsivity, they are impressive long-term thinkers and know precisely how to [achieve their goals](https://guycounseling.com/goal-setting-mistakes/). She is driven by an innate need to be ‘the best’ and will reach any important milestones she’s set her sights on. Bottom line – she has the **passion and confidence** to get what she wants, and she enjoys putting in the hard work that comes along with success. ## Aries Females Personality Inside Out Aries women are incredibly charismatic, which means that they attract new people into their lives with ease. But maintaining healthy relationships is another story. Aries women tend to be very focused on themselves: what they want, what they need, how they feel, how they can help someone else, and yes – their opinion. Going by the traditions of [horoscopic astrology](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0191886994902437), she can also be quite impatient, replete with a short fuse and explosive temper. These character traits do not come from a place of deliberate selfishness. It is simply that Aries women have a healthy ego and extremely high expectations of themselves. Sometimes they need a reminder to lift their head and look at the world beyond themselves. Females born under the Aries sign like to take the initiative when it comes to romance and aren’t afraid to approach someone and tell them what they want, or don’t want. In this way, they are [similar to Aries men](https://guycounseling.com/aries-man-love-relationships/). ![aries female in love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/pretty-woman.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aries women personality ## Aries Women – Personality Traits They are upfront and honest about their feeling. Whether it is starting something new, or breaking up, you can trust an Aries woman to tell it to you straight, sometimes painfully so. Her openness means that she has no patience for game players. If she thinks that someone is messing with her, they will quickly lose her trust. However, in general, Aries women are quite trusting in relationships. Their self-confidence gives them confidence in their relationship. When she does fall in love, An Aries woman falls hard and fast and **holds nothing back**. She may have a tendency to be overly focused on her intense feelings – so much so that she fails to see important signals that the other person in the relationship is sending. She can often be surprised to discover that the other person is not in the same place. According to [dating statistics](https://sexyconfidence.com/dating-statistics/) and astrological analysis, find which zodiac signs an Aries woman is least and most compatible with ## Aries Women – Most Compatible Aries women are **most compatible with Leo and Libra**. Leo and Aries are both fiery characters with strong ambitions and healthy egos. This makes them a great pairing as they will both feed off the fire and passion of the other person, and both are sufficiently strong that they will never feel engulfed by the other’s flame. They will find themselves pushing each other to bigger and better things. Just because they are a power couple does not mean that they are always at one another’s side. They both have their own lives to live. The self-confidence of each means that they have confidence in their relationship and can let their partner do their own thing. They are not the type to get jealous over nothing. ![Aries women compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/aries-women-explored-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Who are Aries women compatible with? ## Aries Females and Leo Men Both Aries and Leo have hot tempers, which means any relationships will be full of heated arguments that are hard to resolve as both hate backing down or admitting that they are wrong. Luckily, the honesty and openness with which both approach life mean that they will find their way through. Moreover, their fiery fights are matched by [intense Leo male passion](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-bed/) that keeps the relationship burning for the long-term. ## Aries Women and Libra Males In contrast, Libra can balance out some of Aries’ more difficult character traits and help them be a little bit more in touch with the world around them. Libra’s empathetic and understanding nature means that they will understand that Aries’ apparent selfishness and impatience. They will appreciate this side of Aries but will also gently let them know when they are taking things too far. Libra has an intense desire to be loved and will enjoy the honest and unwavering attention that their Aries partner gives them. Libras tend to look for a partner who will protect them from some of the harsher realities of the world, and Aries women have the strength to do that. However, an Aries woman will not let their partner take the easy road and will push them to follow their own ambitions with the same passion that she does her own. In this way, she can help Libra be more confident and successful in life. This is not an easy task given the complexities of the Libra male personality. As an aside, if your struggling to find your perfect Leo or Libra partner, an app to consider for UK residents is the [London based CLiKD dating app](https://www.clikdapp.com/). If you are in the United States, you may want to take a look at [Align](http://alignastrology.com/). ![zodiac women bad matches](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-woman.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Are there bad matches for Aries women? ## Aries Female – The Least Compatible Signs Let’s cut right to the chase. The Aries female tends to be **least compatible with Cancer and Capricorn**. Aries and Cancer can struggle to make relationships work. Aries is so focused on herself and her needs that she will not always immediately understand the needs of her partner. She needs a partner who will remind her that she is not the only person in this relationship. Meanwhile, Cancers are unlikely to speak up about their needs and will rather compromise to make the relationship work. This can cause them to make sacrifices that are unhealthy and will make them unhappy. Cancer needs someone who can read their unspoken signals, and this is not Aries. Be sure to read this ultimate [guide to Cancer men](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/) to learn more. Meanwhile, while Capricorn matches Aries in their ambitions and work ethic, unlike with Leo, they will find their ambitions clashing rather than aligning. While Capricorn may appear generous on the surface, they actually struggle to make genuine compromises for other people. While Aires is more flexible, she is also stubborn, which means that the two will struggle to find common ground and the compromises needed to make a relationship work. [Learn all about Capricorn men and relationships here](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-truths/). ## Bringing It All Together While Astrology can tell us a lot about who we are most compatible with (and why), the hard truth is love can sometimes be a crapshoot. Avoid treating zodiac compatibility through the lens of absolutes. Instead, look for themes that speak to areas where caution may be necessary. The best thing that Astrology can do for you is help you to know yourself better – plus guide you towards spotting your strengths and weaknesses. If you know your negative relationship tendencies, you have the gift of knowing yourself well. What’s more, you also have the choice of letting them ruin something that might be truly special. Aries needs to remember that a relationship is a joining of two hearts and requires that they pay attention to the other person. This does not mean showering a partner with gifts or pretending to care. Many signs can pick up on phoniness in a heartbeat, [particularly if it’s Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/). But what it does mean is paying attention to what your mate says, what they do, and the signals they are sending. Once the Aries female masters this ability, relationships become more fulfilling – and long-term. To learn more about zodiac compatibility, I highly recommend Astrology for Happiness and Success ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2WWE0Yy)). I hope the material I’ve shared on this page was helpful. Thanks for stopping by. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aries, Astrology, Compatibility, Zodiac --- ### [Virgo Man and Scorpio Woman Compatibility](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-scorpio-woman/) **Published:** June 5, 2019 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/virgo-man-scorpio-woman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Scorpio Woman and the Scorpio Man When it comes to love, your sun sign, and the sun sign of your partner, can tell you quite a bit about how you will get along. It is certainly not the case that there are only twelve personality types in the world and that we know exactly how a person will behaved based on when they were born. But the position of the stars in the moment of our birth does have a big impact on our natural personality traits. As we grow, and change based on different life experiences, these traits are strengthened or weakened or modified, but they are things that are always with us, no matter how hard we try to shake them. So, in the case of a Virgo man and a Scorpio woman, what does Astrology tell us about their compatibility? ## Virgo Men Born between August 23 and September 22, earthy [Virgo men are detail-oriented](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-scorpio-compatibility/), and even they will admit that they are perfectionists. They have a methodical approach to everything in life and don’t like leaving things to chance, there is always a plan. They obsess over the details and tend to be over critical of everything, especially when it comes to themselves. It doesn’t help that their expectations are so high that they are practically always disappointed, no matter how good the outcome. These traits can result in a unique combination of self-awareness and confidence in themselves and their abilities, with a constant inner monologue of criticism. But unlike many people, this voice doesn’t hold him back, it just motivates him to work harder and do better. Virgo men tend to be over-achievers. When it comes to relationships, [Virgo men like](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/) to know that they are valued and needed, and that the other person appreciates them. However, they don’t take straight compliments that well (suspecting them of being disingenuous), and also give them rarely (suspecting that it makes them seem fake). However, they will look for ways to show other people that they appreciate them. He will give his help and support willingly but will rarely ask for help and prefers to do everything on their own. Virgo men like to be self-sufficient, but they also [love to be loved](https://numerologysign.com/astrology/zodiac/compatibility/virgo-man-scorpio-woman-compatibility/). That is all they really want in a partner. ## ![virgo scorpio compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/meditation-marriage.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio Women Born between October 23 and November 22, watery Scorpio women are often mistaken for fire signs because they are extremely passionate and assertive. Scorpio women like to take charge and be in control of every situation and is only really happy when things are done her way. She also always has a good argument for why she is right, as she likes to have all the information so that she can make well informed choices. While Scorpio women [have passionate emotions](https://www.abouthoroscope.com/scorpio-traits/) flowing through their veins, they do not share their thoughts and feelings openly. They think that it is smarter to keep things closer to the chest, and you need to earn the right to hear her thoughts. She will only share her feelings with the people that she trusts the most. Despite the fact that she likes to keep her business to herself, Scorpio women have no problem sticking their noses into other people’s businesses, and they love getting to the bottom of a mystery. This does mean that they can tend to be a bit suspicious when it comes to relationships, and snoop into their partner’s affairs. They can’t tolerate dishonesty, so if you do betray her trust, do not expect to be forgiven. Scorpio women are also very resilient and can seem like the voice of reason while everything is storming around them. This same trait gives them the ability to feel comfortable in almost any situation (though they prefer ones that they control) and gives them the ability to reinvent themselves regularly. In turn, this allows them to improve themselves and embrace the twists and turns that life throws their way. ![Virgo Scorpio match](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)When Virgo and Scorpio meet ## When Virgo Meets Scorpio When a Virgo man and a Scorpio woman meet, it can be difficult for them to break the ice as both tend to play it close to the chest and will put themselves out there only reluctantly. Scorpio women do this as they have a natural tendency to be secretive and keep their emotions inside. Virgo men do this because underneath their true confidence, they probably feel like they are not good enough and the other person won’t accept them. Fortunately, with time Virgo men will find the courage they need to pursue a Scorpio woman, and show them that they are someone worth opening up to. Virgo men and Scorpio women are [likely to find the other attractive](https://www.liveabout.com/virgo-and-scorpio-love-compatibility-207591) because they match each other in terms of their great ambitions and in having their lives ‘together’. They go after what they want, and they aren’t afraid to do the hard work to get there, so they are always on top of everything. While they find this attractive in the other person, these same characteristics can make forming a relationship hard. Neither Virgo men nor Scorpio women like to compromise for other people, so if they are called on to make major sacrifices to integrate their life with someone else’s, problems can arise. However, if the two have similar goals, they will be able to form a pretty unstoppable team. Virgo men tend to keep parts of their life separate from their relationship, whether that be their old school friends, their work colleagues, or a sporting team that they participate in. This can push Scorpio woman’s jealousy buttons, and she might start looking for evidence that their Virgo man is doing something wrong. However, Virgo men are incredibly loyal, and his Scorpio woman will learn that there is nothing more to it than that. A Virgo man won’t like it that his partner doesn’t trust him and has been snooping around his life but will let it go as long as things don’t get out of control. Together a Virgo man and a Scorpio woman will have a close relationship in which they will maintain their fierce independence, but with time they will learn to open and rely on each other. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Earth Signs, scorpio, Virgo, Water Signs --- ### [7 Ways Leo and Pisces Are Compatible In Love and Sex!](https://guycounseling.com/leo-pisces-compatibility/) **Published:** September 5, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![Leo and Pisces](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/leo-and-pisces-compatibility.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo and Pisces Compatibility Table of Contents Toggle - [How Leo and Pisces Match](#How_Leo_and_Pisces_Match) - [Leo and Pisces Revealed](#Leo_and_Pisces_Revealed) - [Leo and Pisces Compatibility](#Leo_and_Pisces_Compatibility) - [Leo: July 23 – August 22](#Leo_July_23_%E2%80%93_August_22) - [Pisces Traits](#Pisces_Traits) - [Pisces: February 20 – March 20](#Pisces_February_20_%E2%80%93_March_20) - [Fire Signs and Water Signs](#Fire_Signs_and_Water_Signs) - [1. Leo and Pisces Sexual Energy  ](#1_Leo_and_Pisces_Sexual_Energy) - [The moon and Pisces](#The_moon_and_Pisces) - [2. Love Between The Fish and Lion](#2_Love_Between_The_Fish_and_Lion) - [3. Trust With Pisces and Leo](#3_Trust_With_Pisces_and_Leo) - [4. Money Matters](#4_Money_Matters) - [5. Intellect For Pisces and Leo](#5_Intellect_For_Pisces_and_Leo) - [6. Communications Between Leo and Pisces ](#6_Communications_Between_Leo_and_Pisces) - [7. What Interests Do Pisces and Leo Share?](#7_What_Interests_Do_Pisces_and_Leo_Share) - [Key Considerations for Pisces and Leo](#Key_Considerations_for_Pisces_and_Leo) - [Why Leo and Pisces Strongly Match](#Why_Leo_and_Pisces_Strongly_Match) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## How Leo and Pisces Match Leo and Pisces are said to be a bad match but few reasons are given why. Is there any truth behind the rumors? Moreover, can the lion and fish vibe sexually and romantically? If you are searching for answers on this pairing, you’ve landed on the right page. That’s because this page is all about Leo and Pisces; two signs that are frequently talked about and often misunderstood. **In this article, you will learn:** - The shared traits of Leo and Pisces - Specific characteristics of Leo - The unusual traits of Pisces - How water and fire signs interact - The influence of the moon on both zodiacs - 7 ways Leo and Pisces are compatible Before continuing, you have a right to know who is authoring this piece. Right away, I need to say I am not an astrologer or reader. Instead, [I’m a Scorpio man](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) who also happens to be part Native Indian. Although I am trained in psychology and human behavior, my real exposure to the spiritual world has come to me from lore keepers with the Pomo Indian Tribe. For reasons that are beyond my level of awareness, I have gravitated towards the metaphysical since boyhood. As I have grown older, that interest has intensified. Using teachings from the famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, coupled with wisdom passed on from the ancients, I’m going to share with you seven reasons why Leo and Pisces are powerfully compatible. As you read what follows, I encourage you to keep an open mind. Give yourself permission to set aside previous beliefs you may hold about this pairing. ![cosmic swirl of pisces and leo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/pisces-and-leo.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Pisces and Leo – Cosmic Match? ## Leo and Pisces Revealed In my research, I have learned that not all signs are a good match for Leo. Conversely, I’ve also seen how Pisces doesn’t vibe well with certain zodiacs. **More:** [Leo men in love, relationships and in bed](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) On that note, Leo is one of the most misunderstood signs in astrology. It often gets tagged with being a showboat, arrogant, and narcissistic. But as you will soon see, the stereotypes are totally untrue. On the other hand, Pisces is one of the most mysterious signs and is often pegged with being super sensitive and fragile. But are these traits true? You are about to find out. As you review what follows, keep in mind the material is gender neutral, focusing only on the pairing between Leo and Pisces. My promise is to present information that is straightforward and simple, devoid of the astro-babble we see on so many different websites. Hopefully, you will walk away from this post with new found wisdom that can be applied to your unique situation. Let’s start by examining a chart of traits and then move on to assessing each sign. Think of this as a foundation for all that follows. ## Leo and Pisces Compatibility | TRAIT | LEO | PISCES | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Intuitive | x | x | | Adventurous | x | | | Dominant | x | | | Autonomous | x | | | Creative | x | x | | Imaginative | x | x | | Loyal | x | x | | Feelers | | x | ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/leo-in-neon.jpg?resize=475%2C475&ssl=1)Leo is gifted with creativity and a zest for life ## Leo: July 23 – August 22 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Leo is born under the “Fifth House” of the zodiac. A “house” is a specific term used to describe the special attributes contained inside its walls and then passed on to a person in human form. Leo is ruled exclusively from our sun, located nearly [93 million miles](http://coolcosmos.ipac.caltech.edu/ask/8-How-far-away-is-the-Sun-) from where you are right now. It is from this celestial body where the sign gets its unique traits. Pulsating from the sun’s hydrogen-helium core, the symbolic lion is released into the solar system, traveling at the speed of light. Just before arriving on earth, the Milky Way galaxy electrifies the lion with gifts of magnetism and charm. **Major Leo traits include (positive and negative):** - Gentle and warm - Sometimes self-focused - Passionate - Cheerful - Independent - Can be inflexible - Highly creative - Inflexible - Very charming - Resourceful - Prideful - Dominant ## Pisces Traits ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/pisces1.jpg?resize=475%2C475&ssl=1)Pisces is gifted with deep empathic abilities ## Pisces: February 20 – March 20 Persons born under the Pisces sign reside under the “Twelfth House” in astrology. If you were to walk up to this home and open the door, you would immediately sense the energy of mysticism, secrets, and dreams. Pisces has two ruling planets: Jupiter and Neptune respectively. Nearly two million miles apart, their energy fields intersect and cause a cosmic ripple. **More:** [Pisces man in love](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) Surfing atop this wave of energy is the symbolic fish, cresting through space and time. As it moves towards earth, the Piscean constellation zaps the sign with intuitive and psychic abilities. **Major Pisces traits include (positive and negative):** - Highly sensitive - Compassionate - Empathic - Clingy - Very emotional - Caring - Adaptable - Submissive - Animal lover - Prone to depression - Intellectual ![fire signs and water signs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/aries-and-scorpio-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)The elements for fire and water in astrology ## Fire Signs and Water Signs Leo is considered a fire sign. This means they are passionate and hold a zest for life. They are also creative, spontaneous, and courageous. In many ways, their personalities are magnetic. Pisces is a water sign. Persons born under this elemental representation are thought to be emotionally deep, intellectual, and extremely empathic \[psychic\]. **Fixed Signs and Mutable Signs** Ancient lore teaches us that Leo is a fixed sign. This means it strives for stability and structure and prefers routine. Fixed signs aren’t always the best with change. **Mutable Signs** The mystics tell us that mutable signs are good with adaptation. They help others to prepare for change. Because they are the elders of the universe, they are considered extremely wise. At this point, I encourage you to take a few minutes to reflect on the material above. When you are finished, let’s examine the seven unique ways Pisces and Leo are compatible. ![leo pisces galaxies ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/lion-and-fish-pisces-leo.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo and Pisces galaxies join ## 1. Leo and Pisces Sexual Energy   The physical attraction between Leo and Pisces is powerful and palatable. Urban legend suggests the two don’t match in this area but the myth is completely untrue. Leo’s sexual vibe is unmistakable. When it wants to mate, it becomes extremely dominate and hunts for prey with pinpoint accuracy. For many signs, this form of energy can be overpowering. But this is not the case for Pisces; a sign that is more than capable of absorbing the lion’s intensity. Almost always submissive, the fish is equipped with a unique “chip” that allows it to tap into the lion’s energy. As a result, this equalizes the cat’s vibration. The magnetic forces that draw the two together can be found in Leo’s assertive presence. Pisces, who is attracted to the strong and confident type, becomes instantly aroused. Initiating mating is primal for the lion and intuitive for the fish. Verbal communication is not needed in the bedroom. Both have the uncanny ability to tune into one another on a different plane of existence. Pisces holds one advantage; it can see past Leo’s bravado and penetrate through its confidence, focusing its awareness around the lion’s arousal zones. This leaves the lion mesmerized, something that paradoxically causes Leo to come begging for more. ### The moon and Pisces An important consideration in this pairing is the impact of the moon on Pisces; a celestial body that affects all water signs. If you believe our moon sways the ocean’s currents, it is easy to see the relationship. During the full moon, Pisces undergoes a surge of kinetic energy that has a transformative effect on dominant Leo. Curious as to how? Specifically, Piscean energy can pierce the lion’s strong veneer and make Leo submissive. In this way, the cat becomes submissive. ![leo and pisces match?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/aries-meets-scorpio.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Notice the sun (Leo) and water (Pisces) ## 2. Love Between The Fish and Lion The emotional bond between Leo and Pisces intense. By nature, the lion is cautious and careful. But once it connects with the fish, the emotional bond is unshakable. When you reflect on this pairing, it makes sense. It takes a patient, caring, and nurturing sign like Pisces to flip Leo’s heart switch. Once accomplished, the duo vibrates at nearly the same frequency. Remember, Pisces is a mutable sign, meaning that it can adapt to Leo’s love intensity. The lion is fiercely protective, something Pisces is drawn to like a moth to a flame. Pisces calms Leo’s passions. Conversely, Leo ignites the fish’s heart flame. ## 3. Trust With Pisces and Leo Much information exists on the topic of trust between Leo and Pisces. It has been said that Neptune, a Piscean ruling planet, makes trust impossible between the fish and lion. But naysayers forget that Jupiter also rules Pisces; perhaps the strongest force of trust in our solar system. While it is true that it takes time for the lion to feel secure with the fish, it doesn’t mean the signs don’t gel. In fact, just the opposite is true. But before the bond can solidify, both Leo and Pisces must put one another through a series of tests. Leo, a natural born flirter, will often check out others to elicit an emotional response from the fish. There are times when this behavior can go too far. On the flipside, Pisces will attempt to withhold emotions as a way of angering the cat. It is during this time, usually within the first year of the relationship, where the greatest danger of romantic collapse exists. Once Leo and Pisces move past this period of testing, the two reaching an understanding that is powerfully strong. As time goes on, the bond becomes unshakable. Word of warning: Leo is fiercely independent. Pisces can often be clingy. Both need to be mindful of these traits during the bonding period. ![money with pisces and leo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/leo-and-pisces.jpg?resize=520%2C381&ssl=1)What about money? ## 4. Money Matters If there is one area where the two struggle, it’s personal finances. There’s no easy way to say this except to just blurt it out. Pisces is one of the worst signs in the zodiac when it comes to money management. This is not a slight against the fish. The hard truth is Pisces isn’t concerned with the accumulation of material things or creating wealth. Instead, the sign operates on a different plane of existence, driven by emotion. Leo, on the other hand, is just the opposite. The sign likes having financial security (a trait of all fixed signs) and prefers to accumulate wealth. But it is their differences that draw this pairing together. To be real about it, the lion won’t put up with the fish’s crazy spending. When it sees this happening, Leo will roar with intensity, putting an end to Pisces wasteful spending. At first glance, you may think this would irritate the fish but that’s not the case. Pisces needs boundaries and likes it when a dominant force takes control. This is not to say there isn’t initial friction. There most certainly can be. But this uncomfortableness usually fades once the duo reaches a place of understanding. ![intelligence leo and pisces ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Compatible-fish-and-lion.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do Leo and Pisces vibe intellectually? ## 5. Intellect For Pisces and Leo It is said that fire signs and water signs often struggle intellectually. While this may be true for some pairings, it is not the case here. By nature, Leo is a warm and passionate sign. It thinks deeply about different topics with thoughts that revolve around survival and the practical. **More:** [Do Scorpio and Aries match?](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-aries-match/) Pisces is also a deep thinker however, it tends to dream about possibilities. At times, the fish bifurcates between a world of fantasy and reality. In this way, both Pisces and Leo paradoxically match. It is there intellectual differences that challenge one another. Both are smart – just in different ways. Below is a poll for you to share your thoughts on this pairing. If you do not see, [visit this hyperlink](http://poll.fm/5yeq8). ## 6. Communications Between Leo and Pisces  Initially, there can be a struggle with communication with this pairing. This makes perfect sense when one considers their elemental representations. Remember, one is a water sign (empathic) and the other a fire sign (verbal). Figuring out styles of communication takes time. Because Leo can be direct, it can sometimes speak truths about Pisces in blunt, hurtful ways. Conversely, Pisces has a way of reading the lion’s hidden vulnerabilities. When verbalized, this can deeply wound Leo. It takes patience and time for both zodiacs to feel one another’s groove. Leo must learn to govern its passions and filter comments directed toward fish. Conversely, Pisces must soften its tone when exposing the feline’s faults. The good news is that arguments don’t happen frequently. By nature, Pisces is a passive sign and avoids confrontation. Leo, however, likes a good fight. If both signs can arrive at an understanding of styles of communication, conversation usually isn’t a problem. The key thing to remember is the process takes time. ![pisces and leo ruling planets ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Uranus-and-Saturn.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Jupiter, Neptune, and the Sun ## 7. What Interests Do Pisces and Leo Share? Some believe Leo and Pisces don’t share common interests. In truth, they do – many. Leo enjoys entertainment-focused activities, like television, movies, and theater. Pisces also likes these things, provided they stimulate the imagination. Leo is competitive in nature and gravitates towards sporting activities. While Pisces can enjoy these things, it’s not exactly its wheelhouse. But that is okay because the fish gets excited when the lion becomes passionate. In this way, there truly exists symbiosis. Pisces is a natural born animal lover. In fact, creatures gravitate towards this sign in an uncanny way. Ancient lore suggests that animals can speak to Pisces – literally. Leo also loves animals but does not have the same wiring as the fish. This is only being mentioned should the duo decide to adopt a dog or cat. The pet will always be closer to Pisces. Additional areas of interest include the outdoors. Both enjoy things like camping with Leo gravitating towards the mountains and Pisces the sea. Leo at times struggles with trying new things. Pisces, the dreamy and curious creature that it is, can nudge the lion towards the different. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1542364884&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1542364884/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1542364884&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=55cd44652a001a0a4fd47fac8881e948)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1542364884) ## Key Considerations for Pisces and Leo When considering the Pisces and Leo pairing, the key thing to keep in mind is that the duo is (in the karmic sense) meant to be together. Leo is a strong, vibrant, and extroverted personality. Pisces is more introverted and typically not one to grab the spotlight. That said, the duo uniquely compliments one another in uncanny ways. ### Why Leo and Pisces Strongly Match - One provides what the other may be lacking - Sexual chemistry is extremely powerful - Leo is a protector. Pisces likes to be protected - Pisces can be moved out of its natural shell by Leo, allowing the fish to enjoy more things in life. - Leo benefits from Pisces intellectual and empathic gifts. In turn, this allows the lion to be dive deeper on heady and emotional topics - Passion between the two signs is powerful, primarily because of each sign’s elemental representations - Both signs naturally gravitate towards one another. In many ways, they are the proverbial “Like a moth to the flame” axiom ## Wrap Up Hopefully, the information shared here has helped you to better understand the Leo and Pisces pairing. In the seven life areas we have covered, you’ve seen how their differences draw the two together. Simply put, what one sign is missing, the other compensates for. Pisces and Leo relationships tend to be long term. If they can make it past the first year of the relationship, the duo will usually be together for many years. Leo and Pisces also make for wonderful parents, offering a nurturing and caring environment for children to grow and prosper. Thanks for stopping by. Main photo: Pixabay and Deposit Photos **References:** Cal Tech (2019) *How far is the sun?* Retrieved from the web at: http://coolcosmos.ipac.caltech.edu/ask/8-How-far-away-is-the-Sun- **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Leo, Pisces, Zodiac --- ### [8 Scorpio Sign Symbols You Never Knew About!](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** [![scorpio sign symbols traits characteristics](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/8-symbols-of-scorpio.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/8-symbols-of-scorpio.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Symbols and Traits Table of Contents Toggle - [ Scorpio Sign Symbols and Traits](#_Scorpio_Sign_Symbols_and_Traits) - [Scorpio Symbols](#Scorpio_Symbols) - [Scorpio Sign Background](#Scorpio_Sign_Background) - [Scorpio Sign Perspective](#Scorpio_Sign_Perspective) - [Scorpio Sign Traits](#Scorpio_Sign_Traits) - [Scorpio Sign Traits Explained](#Scorpio_Sign_Traits_Explained) - [Famous Scorpios](#Famous_Scorpios) - [Inviting Scorpio Sign Symbols](#Inviting_Scorpio_Sign_Symbols) - [Scorpio Video](#Scorpio_Video) - [Scorpio Sign Poll](#Scorpio_Sign_Poll) - [Scorpio Sign Myths](#Scorpio_Sign_Myths) - [Scorpio Sign Compatibility?](#Scorpio_Sign_Compatibility) - [Scorpio Sign Book](#Scorpio_Sign_Book) ##  **Scorpio Sign Symbols and Traits** Are you looking for the **Scorpio sign symbols**? Have you always thought that the **Scorpio sign** just had one symbol – which happens to be a scorpion? If so, you are not alone. Most people mistakenly believe that Scorpios just have one symbol. The reality is there are eight known symbols connected to this complex and unique zodiac sign. That’s right – Scorpios have eight sign symbols! You may read about others elsewhere but they are not grounded in astronomy, astrology or ancient spiritual teachings. Visitors of this blog know that from time to time, I will write about “off the wall” things, including issues that touch upon spirituality and belief systems for the purposes of education and to keep it real – just plain fun. Many guys find astrology to be interesting – believe it or not. And so what follows is a very detailed walk-through of Scorpio. Below you will find a chart of the 8 symbols. After that, key traits and characteristics of Scorpio are offered. We will be covering a lot. It may help to bookmark this page for future referencing. ## Scorpio Symbols | Symbol | Trait | Characteristic | Gender Attribution | |---|---|---|---| | 1. Otter | Fun | Playful | Male, Female | | 2. Scorpion | Cautious | Vengeful | Male, Female | | 3. Snake | Mysterious | Dangerous | Male | | 4. Monkey | Logical | Curious | Female | | 5. Eagle | Studious | Observant | Male, Female | | 6. Spider | Empathic | Intuitive | Male, Female | | 7. Phoenix | Resilient | Renewal | Female | | 8. Rabbit | Energetic | Sexual | Male | ## **Scorpio Sign Background** Scorpio is considered the “8th” house of the Zodiac, which also happens to be the same house that sexual energy resides. Each house has its own symbol, giving Scorpio 8. It is estimated that only 9.6% of the world population is born under the Scorpio sign, which makes people born under the Scorpio sign rare. What follows is a detailed breakdown of each of these Scorpio symbols with a bit of information about this unique zodiac sign that you may not know about. The material below has been fused with spiritual lessons from the ancients, using Spirit Animal Guides to highlight symbolic characteristics. At the end of this post, I’ve included a poll that lets you pick which symbol you feel best represents your symbol. [![scorpio sign symbols traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scorpio-387864_640.jpg?resize=434%2C289&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scorpio-387864_640.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Traits ## **Scorpio Sign Perspective** First, you need to know that I am a Scorpio. At the exact time and date of my birth, the solar system was in astronomical formation known as “Scorpion Sky”. This is a 25-cent way of saying that my sun sign and rising sign were also positioned in full on Scorpio. I wasn’t born on a cusp. I just happened to be one of those rare people who are truly Scorpio. I’m sharing this with you because I want you to know that I have written what follows from a true Scorpion perspective. I also want to state here that Scorpio sign people are not “better” than other zodiac signs. This is just a myth and one that does more harm than good. I will say that people born under the Scorpio sign are different than the other zodiac signs – as one would expect. Before we explore the 8 Scorpio symbols, it is important to understand some of the basic traits and characteristics of Scorpio sign people. Because I want to focus most of the material here on the symbols, I am just going to give you a brief overview of Scorpio’s traits. ## **Scorpio Sign Traits** **Scorpio Sign:** October 23 – Nov 22 Positive Traits - Loyal - Ambitious - Focused - Intense - Intuitive - Empathic Negative Traits - Manipulative - Resentful - Secretive and Mysterious - Highly Jealous - Overly Sensitive - Prideful [![scorpio signs traits background](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scorpio-sign-symbols-traits.jpg?resize=426%2C301&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scorpio-sign-symbols-traits.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Signs and Traits Revealed ## **Scorpio Sign Traits Explained** Scorpio is ruled by two planets with Mars being the first and Pluto being the second. Mars gives the Scorpio passion, energy, anger and psychic abilities. Pluto infuses the Scorpio a sense of distance, mystery, curiosity and a fascination with all things psycho-spiritual. This is why so many Scorpios like getting some [type of tattoo](https://guycounseling.com/tattoo-ideas-men-7-celebrity-examples/). Contrary to popular belief, Pluto is *still* a planet. While it was once categorized as “major planet” in our solar system, it is now [considered](https://www.iau.org/public/themes/pluto/) a planetoid. With that shared, it is still a celestial body with a planetary status so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just a few more thoughts here as add-ons to the traits information listed above. Scorpios are in fact extremely loyal – to a fault. We also do not forget. If you are some other Zodiac sign, you need to know it is not a good idea to back stab us. Some Zodiac signs, such as Taurus and Aries, are known to immediately lash out when they have been wronged. This is not the case with this sign. Scorpios will wait to get their revenge. In fact, many Scorpios will wait years to strike back, long after the offending person has forgotten what they have done. It is for this reason you should never try to step on or double cross a Scorpio. Rest assured that payback *will* happen at a time and place of the Scorpios choosing – when you least expect it. [![traits of the scorpio zodiac sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/pluto-mars-scorpio.jpg?resize=447%2C335&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/pluto-mars-scorpio.jpg?ssl=1) Finally under this point, Scorpio sign people are extremely empathic. This means we are able to pick up on what you are feeling with you having to say a word. This ability comes from Mars and Pluto uniting. These empathic skills reach their zenith during October through November and gradually recede as the year goes on. Pisces and Cancer, the two other water signs, are most vulnerable to having their emotions revealed by Scorpios (I’ll talk about compatibility later). For now, let’s move on to the 8 symbols of Scorpio. More the traits described above will be revealed through each of the signs you will read about. We have lots to cover here. Read all of them and reflect upon their deeper meaning. Be sure to vote in the poll at the end. Are you ready – let’s jump right in! [![scorpio symbols](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/otter.jpg?resize=474%2C313&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/otter.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Symbol: Otter ### **Scorpio Symbol 1: Otter** The otter represents the Scorpio’s playfulness and fun spirit. Otters are also symbolic of childhood defiance. If you are wondering where you get your sense of playfulness from or your stubbornness, look at the otters. These loveable, fun and furry animals bring out the joy in people. They also happen to be highly autonomous and march to the beat of their own drummer. Some people consider this symbol to be the “child” of the Scorpio mind. [![scorpion zodiac sign traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scorpion-651142_640.jpg?resize=476%2C316&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scorpion-651142_640.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Symbol: Scorpio ### **Scorpio Symbol 2: Scorpion** You are no doubt very familiar with this symbol as it represents the Scorpio emblem for millions of people around the world. What’s important that you focus on with this symbol is the tail. It strikes out and can be deadly. If you are Scorpio, this is the symbol that drives your desire to seek revenge and “get back” at those who have harmed you. [![scorpio sign symbol snake](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/snake-390174_640.jpg?resize=477%2C302&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/snake-390174_640.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Symbol Snake ### **Scorpio Symbol 3: The Snake** Snakes are inherently mysterious and have historically represented danger and death. If you wonder about where you sometimes get your sense of fearlessness, think of the snake. Additionally, this symbol also represents your fascination with all things psycho-spiritual. This is why you are likely fascinated with astrology and spiritualism. Scorpios are obsessed with the afterlife and seek out anything related to what happens after we leave this world. [![scorpio sign symbol monkey](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/monkey.jpg?resize=473%2C315&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/monkey.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Symbol of the Monkey ### **Scorpio Symbol 4: The Monkey** When you think of monkeys, you think of curiosity. The most inquisitive and logical (to a fault) sign in the Zodiac is Scorpio. If you have ever wondered what drives your overwhelming sense to learn about or obsess over a particular topic, think of the monkey. Simians are among the oldest creatures on planet. Scientists suggest we evolved from monkeys. If you believe this, you must also recognize they did not do this magically. Curiosity, coupled with adaptation, led their way. [![scorpio symbol eagle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/bald-eagle-674016_640.jpg?resize=471%2C306&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/bald-eagle-674016_640.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Symbol: Eagle ### **Scorpio Symbol 5: The Eagle** Eagles are known for their ability to see things far away and can “eye” even the smallest objects from the distance. People who are born under this Zodiac sun sign are much like the eagle in that they are able to spot tiny details and “see” things coming down the pike. If you can detect when someone is lying, based on their inflection of their voice and facial characteristics, you are challenging your inner-eagle. [![scorpio symbol spider](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/spider-197062_640.jpg?resize=471%2C311&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/spider-197062_640.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Symbol: The Spider ### **Scorpio Symbol 6: Spider** Spiders are feared by many but also respected for their “sixth sense”. It is true that spiders have the uncanny ability to sense in advance an event before it happens. This is why characters like the mythical Spiderman have been created. Scorpios are known for their uncanny ability to tap into psychic skill sets and intrinsically know what another will say or do *before* it happens. If you have always wondered where these abilities come from, think of the spider (arachnid). [![phoenix scorpio sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/phoenix-500469_640.jpg?resize=443%2C332&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/phoenix-500469_640.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Symbol: Phoenix ### **Scorpio Symbol 7: Phoenix** The phoenix has historically been thought of as the mystical creature that can rise above the ashes. They are considered wise, intelligent, stable and mature. A phoenix is also symbolic of reinvention and renewal in many cultures. If you have traversed through troubled waters and know what it is like to reinvent yourself, perhaps multiple times, you need only look to the phoenix for answers. [![scorpio sign symbol rabbit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/rabbit-343388_640.jpg?resize=463%2C308&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/rabbit-343388_640.jpg?ssl=1)Scorpio Sign Symbol: Rabbit ### **Scorpio Symbol 8: The Rabbit** This may seem strange but the final sign of the Scorpio is the rabbit. Rabbits are known for a many different things but in the case of Scorpio, it represents sex. The old saying, “The two \[fill in blank\] like rabbits” is the perfect metaphor for the Scorpio because of their high degree of sexual energy. If you are wondering where this characteristic comes from, look to the rabbits you see in the wild. They have much to teach about mating and intimacy. ![Ryan Reynolds flannel shirt facial hair lumbersexual lumberjack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/ryan-reynolds-flannel.jpg?resize=500%2C381&ssl=1)Ryan Reynolds is a Scorpio man ## **Famous Scorpios** - Leonardo DiCaprio - Emma Stone - Ethan Hawke - Katy Perry - Victor Cruz - Ryan Reynolds - Christopher Columbus - Hillary Clinton - Kris Jenner - Colin Kaepernick - Jodie Foster - Charles Bronson - Joe Biden - Brad Paisley - Miranda Lambert - Martin Luther - Seth McFarlane - John Candy ## **Inviting Scorpio Sign Symbols** Inviting the Scorpio sign symbols into your awareness using animal spirit guides is an excellent way to learn their life lessons. This requires meditation and an openness to dream interpretation. These creatures will reveal themselves to you while you sleep – but only if you invite them. Because you are a Scorpio, you have the ability to tap into the metaphysical world in ways other zodiac signs struggle with. This may have something to do with one of the ruling planets of Scorpio, Pluto. As you may know, Pluto is considered a “mystical” planet , symbolic of a portal to the afterlife. ## **Scorpio Video** This video explores the constellation Scorpio and provides more information about how the Scorpio sign came to be. An interesting presentation that you might gain new insight from. ## **Scorpio Sign Poll** This poll is designed to let you pick which animal species most represents your Scorpio symbol. It is obviously not scientific but can provide insight into what your fellow Scorpios feel about their Zodiac sign. ## **Scorpio Sign Myths** People who are born under the Scorpio zodiac sign are indeed unique. They are also misunderstood by many. This makes sense when you consider all of the material that has been listed in this article. Sadly, there are also a number of myths associated with Scorpios. I can’t cover them all but I have decided to list several of the “biggies”. ![alpha myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1)Scorpio Myths Keep in mind there are many myths that what has been highlighted below! - Scorpio sign people are the most attractive - Scorpio sign people have telekinetic powers - Scorpio sign people can’t be lousy in bed - Scorpio sign people are get overly emotional - Scorpio sign people live longer that other signs - Scorpio sign people are all excellent mathematicians - Scorpio sign people are more prone to addiction ## **Scorpio Sign Compatibility?** If you are a Scorpio, you are considered a fixed water sign. This means that you are a deep person who also finds change difficult. According to numerous astrological reports conducted over the years, Scorpios are most compatible with water signs. - Pisces - Cancer - Scorpio Ideally, Scorpios will partner with Pisces because of their uncanny and intuitive understanding of the Scorpion mind. Cancers are next as they are better able to balance the Scorpios constant struggle with logical, rational thinking and their empathic, emotional skills. A Scorpio paired with a Scorpio *can* work but it will be a constant struggle because jealousy and trust issues are an ongoing concern. ## **Scorpio Sign Book** If you are looking for more insight and information into the Scorpio Zodiac sign, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of the book …. *Scorpio: Personality and Soul Characteristics* by Douglas Baker. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00LPNIQBG&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00LPNIQBG/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00LPNIQBG&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=RCY6SLAGHYJ4NSIM)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00LPNIQBG)Inside, you will find page after page of useful insight that reveals everything you ever wanted to know about this powerful zodiac sign, including Scorpio compatibility. You can download it now if you have a Kindle. On the bottom of this page, I’ve also included other Scorpio symbol related books that touch upon love, dating and compatibility. ### **Final Thoughts** There is much we still do not know about the mysterious Scorpio sign. Research is still occurring by behavioral scientists who are exploring the unique relationship between psychology, zodiac signs and human behavior. I hope you found this post helpful. Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture. Please like us on social media. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Cancer Sign, Capricorn, Leo Sign Symbols, Pisces Sign Symbols, scorpio, scorpio signs, zodiac signs --- ### [12 Pisces Symbols of the Zodiac You MUST Know!](https://guycounseling.com/12-pisces-symbols-you-must-know/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** [![12-symbols-of-pisces](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/12-symbols-of-pisces.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/12-symbols-of-pisces.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Pisces Symbols You Never Knew!** Are you looking for [Pisces](http://www.space.com/21456-pisces-constellation.html) symbols? Have you always been under the impression that Pisces just has one symbol? You know the one I’m talking about, right? The two fish swirling around one another. While it’s true fish are the primary symbol for this zodiac sign, it’s not the only one. Believe it or not there are 12 Pisces symbols in total that are linked to this powerful, mysterious and empathic astrology symbol. You read this right – there are 12 symbols connected to Pisces. Now before continuing, I’m going to be straight up with you about everything that follows. On the web, you are going to read a lot of information about Pisces that has been offered by people who claim to be “psychics” and “readers”. Sadly, much of what they present is presented with a bunch of flowery language that isn’t based on science or astrology. Their hope is to get you just interested enough in learning more about Pisces symbols to pick up the phone and call them for a reading. Folks, what you see here is offered for pure enlightenment. Below you will find a chart of the 12 Pisces Zodiac symbols. Later in this article, a detailed breakdown of each symbol, including characteristics and prominent gender that expresses the associated traits appear. ## 12 Pisces Symbols | Symbol | Trait | Characteristic | Gender Attribution | |---|---|---|---| | 1. Rabbit | Gentle | Loving | Male, Female | | 2. Pig | Emotional | Absorbs emotions of others | Male, Female | | 3. Fish | Intellectual | High emotional IQ | Male, Female | | 4. Horse | Transcendent | Open minded | Female | | 5. Seal | Vulnerable | Focused on safety of family | Male | | 6. Dog | Loyal | Obedient | Male, Female | | 7. Snake | Self-destructive | Dangerous | Male | | 8. Phoenix | Sexual | Submissive | Male, Female | | 9. Owl | Wise | Intellectual | Female | | 10. Mountain Goat | Guardianship | Protective | Male | | 11. Mink | Empathic | Intuitive | Female | | 12. Seagull | Can see big picture | Non-judging | Male, Female | ![Pisces symbols revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbols-1.jpg?resize=600%2C315&ssl=1)Pisces symbols usually are connected to fish ## Pisces Sign Symbols Background Just to be clear, I am not astrologer Therefore, you don’t have to worry about a hidden motive on my part. What you see on the Pisces symbols below is based on hard science, coupled with teachings from the ancients. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been intrigued by zodiac studies. To this day, I’m not sure why this subject area attracts me. I like to think it’s because a good part of astrology is connected to psycho-spirituality; a blending of psychology and spiritualism. In the final analysis, it doesn’t really matter. Years ago, I accepted the fact that each of us have parts of our personality that we may not fully understand. In any event, if you have an open mind, this Pisces focused article is for you! ![pisces symbols explored](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbols-explored.jpg?resize=640%2C359&ssl=1 "pisces symbols")Pisces: a deep zodiac sign ## **Pisces Symbols Zodiac Info** Pisces is considered the 12th House of the Zodiac, which happens to be the same house that all things hidden reside. Each house has its own symbol, giving Pisces 12 – more than any other sign of the Zodiac. It is estimated that only 5.2% of the world’s population is born under this sign, making Pisces very rare – the rarest in fact on the planet. What follows is a detailed breakdown of each Pisces symbol, with a bit of information about listed underneath that you may not know about. The material you will read here has been fused with spiritual lessons from the ancients, using Spirit Animal Guides to highlight important characteristics. At the end of this post, I have published a [poll](http://poll.fm/5cqvy) that lets you select which Pisces sign symbol best represents your true personality. [![pisces symbol sign zodiac](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbol-sign-zodiac.jpg?resize=303%2C303&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbol-sign-zodiac.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Sign Symbol: Two Fish Opposite Directions **Quick disclosure**: I am a water sign just like Pisces, but I was born under [the Scorpio Sign](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/). More will be shared about what it means to be a water sign in just a bit. I am disclosing this information with you now because you have a right to know the Zodiac sign of the person authoring this material. ## **Pisces Water Sign** Water signs are among the most mysterious, complex and psychic of the 12 Zodiac signs. There are only three water signs: **1)** Pisces, **2)** [Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/4-cancer-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/) and **3)** Scorpio. Generally speaking, water signs are highly intuitive, very empathic and like it or not, often emotional. While water signs often share similar characteristics, Pisces has its own unique abilities than its Cancer and Scorpio counterparts. There is a reason the primary symbol of Pisces is two fish. In most depictions, you will see one fish swimming upwards, representing the sky and one fish swimming downward, representing the sea. This is significant because Pisces born people are often torn between the words of intellectual thought and deep (very deep) emotions. You need to know now that most all individuals born under the Pisces sign are highly empathic. For reasons we do not fully understand, they are able to literally pick up on the emotions of others and do so freakishly. ![Pisces symbols revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-signs-astrology.png?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)Pisces symbols revealed I am not saying that Pisces are “better” than other signs or more powerful. I am saying this sign has certain gifts that allow Pisces to tap into the emotions and feelings of others. While that may sound wonderful, it can actually be a blessing and a curse. I will speak to more on this in a bit. **More:** [Pisces man traits and compatibility](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) Before we take a deep dive into the Pisces symbols, you should know some basic traits and characteristics of this astrological sign. Because we have a lot to cover, I will provide a thumbnail sketch of Pisces that covers the basics. ## **Pisces Sign Traits** **Pisces Birth dates:** February 20 – March 20 Pisces Positive Traits - Empathic - Outgoing - Caring - Romantic - Accepting - Dreamers - Devoted - Compassionate Pisces Negative Traits - Highly sensitive - Clingy - Horribly indecisive - Lazy - Submissive - Pessimistic - Prone to addiction [![hupiter neptune](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/JupNep.jpg?resize=456%2C179&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/JupNep.jpg?ssl=1)Jupiter and Neptune Rule Pisces ## **Pisces Sign Explained** The Pisces sign is jointly ruled by Jupiter and Neptune. For simplicity sake, Jupiter is the largest planet in our solar system and Neptune the furthest from the sun. The combination of these two celestial bodies gives Pisces unique powers that manifests in the form of psychic abilities. Both of these planets are considered gas giants, with Neptune representing an end to reality and the start of a new dimension. [![pisces cosmic wave](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-cosmic-wave.jpg?resize=365%2C292&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-cosmic-wave.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Cosmic Wave Jupiter’s influence represents deep thought and intelligence, firmly grounded in the here and now in the third dimension. It is the enormously strong gravitational pull from both of these colossal gas giants that gives the Pisces sign its empathic abilities. The constant gravitational battle that Jupiter and Neptune engage in with one another creates a kind of quantum field that transcends time and space. ## **Pisces Sign Cosmic Wave** Those who are born between mid-February to mid-March are caught up in what called a “Piscean Wave” generated by the competing kinetic energies of the two gas giants. Pisces sign people literally stand in the middle of this wave, surfing a cosmic sea that is bifurcated between the Fourth Dimension (a fantasy world) and the Third Dimension (the here and now). Most all Pisces struggle with maintaining balance, constantly moving in and out of both dimensions. [![pisces sign symbol cosmic wave](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-sign-symbol-cosmic-wave.jpg?resize=435%2C212&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-sign-symbol-cosmic-wave.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Tapping Into Cosmic Rift Pisces signs are blessed with psychic/empathic abilities because of this wave. Much like the Jovian System’s ability to pull in anything that passes through it because of its gravitational pull, Pisces signs are able to absorb the emotions of others. \[[Capricorn men personality traits](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/)\] And Neptune’s positively charged ions launch Pisces into that Fourth dimension we explored earlier – which empowers them to empathically “tune into” what others (including animals) are feeling. ## **Pisces Sign Blessings and Curses** To be a Pisces sign is to be both blessed and cursed. Here are a few of the blessings: Pisces Blessings - Ability to truly feel what others are feeling - Strong empathic powers - Ability to emotionally join with others - Spiritually driven - Hopelessly romantic Pisces Curses - Inability to say “no” to others - Attracted to emotional drama - Prone to alcoholism to medicate emotional pain - Emotionally needy; thriving on emotions of others - Difficulty with setting boundaries - Highly prone to depression ## **Pisces Sign Vulnerability** Unlike Cancer and Scorpio, the other two water signs that have defense mechanisms (claws, protective shells, and stinger) Pisces is extremely vulnerable. Their strength comes from their empathic and psychic abilities. As mentioned above, these same abilities are also the signs weakness. [![Pisces Sign Symbols](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/sun-sign-pisces.png?resize=256%2C256&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/sun-sign-pisces.png?ssl=1) ## **Pisces Sign Symbols** Now that we have covered all of the pre-material, it’s time to review the 12-Pisces sign symbols. More traits are explained under each animal, which really are life animals. Make sure you read them all so that you can fully absorb their symbolic meaning. If you feel weak in a certain life animal area, you should call upon the spirit animal listed to help educate you on how to enhance your abilities in the respective area. At the end of this post, please vote in the poll and choose which animal best represents your essence. Let’s jump right in! [![scorpio sign symbol rabbit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/rabbit-343388_640.jpg?resize=325%2C216&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/rabbit-343388_640.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Sign Symbol: Rabit ### **1) Rabbit** Rabbits represent Pisces gentleness. Quiet and observant, rabbits are Pisces “love” animal, also known as romance. [![pig pisces](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pig-pisces.jpg?resize=325%2C312&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pig-pisces.jpg?ssl=1)Pig Pisces Symbol ### **2) Pig** Pigs will continue to eat and eat, not realizing they are completely full. Pisces absorbs the emotions of others in much the same way. [![fish pisces sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/fish-pisces-sign.jpg?resize=325%2C203&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/fish-pisces-sign.jpg?ssl=1)Fish Pisces Symbol ### **3) Fish** Fish represent the primary symbol of Pisces signs. This water animal dives deep, similar to how Pisces can “dive deep” into another’s emotions. [![horse pisces sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/horse-pisces.jpg?resize=323%2C215&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/horse-pisces.jpg?ssl=1)Horse Symbol: Pisces ### **4) Horse** Horses have always held a mythical quality about them. For Pisces, a horse allows the sign to gallop into the fantasy world that is part of the fourth dimension – transforming into a unicorn. [![seal sign of cancer zodiac](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seal-sign-of-cancer-zodiac.jpg?resize=300%2C197&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seal-sign-of-cancer-zodiac.jpg?ssl=1)Seal Pisces Sign ### **5) Seal** A seal represents Pisces vulnerability. While not defenseless, seals typically need to travel in packs in order to remain safe. [![Pisces Dog](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Pisces-Dog.jpg?resize=300%2C199&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Pisces-Dog.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Symbol: Dog ### **6) Dog** Pisces signs are very loyal, much like dogs are to their masters. Dogs can also be empathic, much like the Pisces sign. [![pisces sign symbol snake](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/snake-390174_640.jpg?resize=300%2C190&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/snake-390174_640.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Sign Symbol Snake ### **7) Snake** Snakes represent evil. Pisces sign people sometimes self-destruct through evil means; often without knowing they are doing so. [![Pisces Sign Symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/phoenix-500469_640.jpg?resize=300%2C225&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/phoenix-500469_640.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Sign Symbol: Phoenix ### **8) Phoenix** This mythical bird empowers Pisces sexual energy but in a submissive way – soaring every upward to pleasure its mate. [![Pisces Sign Symbol Owl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-sign-symbol-owl.jpg?resize=300%2C225&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-sign-symbol-owl.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Sign Symbol Owl ### **9) Owl** The owl is known for being wise. Pisces signs are wise indeed but struggle to stay focused on the here and now. See [owl symbols](https://guycounseling.com/owl-tattoos-learn-their-symbolism-and-meaning/) post to learn more. [![Mountain Goat Pisces Sign Symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Mountain-Goat-Pisces-Sign-Symbol.jpg?resize=300%2C199&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Mountain-Goat-Pisces-Sign-Symbol.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Sign Symbol: Mountain Goat ### **10) Mountain Goat** For Pisces, mountain goats represent guardianship. These animals guard against harms and should be called upon to help Pisces place emotional boundaries around people. [![Pisces Mink Symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Pisces-Mink-Sign.jpg?resize=325%2C216&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Pisces-Mink-Sign.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Mink Symbol ### **11) Mink** The mink represents Pisces ability to heal others through empathic medicine. Call upon the mink to help restore and heal yourself first and others second. [![Pisces Sign: Seagull](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seagull-pisces-sign.jpg?resize=326%2C217&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seagull-pisces-sign.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Sign: Seagull ### **12) Seagull** Seagulls can fly high above in the sky with the ability to “see” many miles away. Pisces should ride the seagull to help them move away from living too much in the fantasy world. ## **Famous Pisces Signs** - Jon Hamm [![jensen ackles green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/jensen-ackles-green-eyes-300x168.jpg?resize=300%2C168&ssl=1 "Jensen Ackles: Famous Pisces with Green Eyes!")](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/)Jensen Ackles: Famous Pisces with Green Eyes! - Rob Lowe - Eva Medes - Jensen Ackles - Freddie Prinze, Jr. - Vanessa Williams - Adam Levine - Kellan Lutz - Elizabeth Taylor - Sharon Stone - Holly Hunter - James Van Der Beek - Glenn Close - Rue McClanahan ## **Inviting Pisces Symbols** If you want to invite one of the Pisces sign symbols into your awareness, you will need to be open to the meditative process and dream interpretation. Each of these animals has their own special message to share with you, imparted from a world that is not of this time or space. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0875420281&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0875420281/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0875420281&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=ASER7I52VSN2CQI3)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0875420281)One excellent [book](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0875420281/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0875420281&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=BTD52BGSMNRK6735) you might want to pick up is *Animal Speak* by Ted Andrews. The author does a great job explaining to readers the entire business of animal spirit guides, which are uniquely linked to Pisces sign people. ## **Pisces Sign Video and Constellation** If you are interested in learning more about the Pisces sign, including the Pisces constellation, a video has been published above. ## **Pisces Symbols Poll** This Pisces poll is designed to let you choose which animal symbol best represents your true personality. This is not scientific but can help to shine a light on what your other Piscean friends think. [![Pisces myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?ssl=1)Pisces Zodiac Sign Myths ## **Pisces Sign Myths** Bear in mind that the myths listed below are just a sampling of the many misnomers that are associated with Pisces. - All Pisces are good swimmers - Pisces are bad in bed - Pisces men are always romantic - Pisces women are always submissive - Pisces makes for bad business leaders - Pisces sign people are narcissistic - Pisces signs are not a good match for any sign. - Pisces are overly submissive sexually [![Pisces compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Pisces-compatibility.jpg?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Pisces-compatibility.jpg?ssl=1)Pisces Compatibility Signs ## **Pisces Compatibility** According to a number of astrological reports, coupled with material shared from the ancients, Pisces signs are most compatible with: - Scorpio - Cancer - Taurus Ideally, Pisces and Scorpio will be in a relationship because the two are highly compatible. The reason relates to both signs ability to perfectly understand one another. Scorpio is a fixed sign, which helps to ground Pisces. Cancers are the next best match for Pisces because of the emotional bond the two signs share. Because Cancers are a cardinal sign, they have the power to create emotional shifts in Pisces, which rescues them from battles with lifelong depression. Taurus is the third “best” sign for Pisces. Like Scorpio, Taurus is a fixed sign – meaning grounded in the here and now. Taurus helps Pisces break free of its lazy streak because simply put, Taurus is ridiculously fixated on task completion. ## Pisces Sign Book If you are interested in learning more about the Pisces sign, its powers and weaknesses and history steeped in ancient lore, consider picking up a copy of the book: *Zodiac Signs*. See [Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3qrmw7u). [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00DMIVLB4&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DMIVLB4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00DMIVLB4&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=BZTEUSEUGE4QTPLJ)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00DMIVLB4) Inside, you will find page after page of meaning, useful material on the Pisces Zodiac sign – one of the most magical, powerful and least understood signs of the known universe. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aquarius, Cancer, Capricorn, Leo, Pisces Sign Symbols, scorpio, Water Signs --- ### [7 Ways Taurus and Pisces Are Compatible In Relationships!](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-pisces-compatibility/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![taurus pisces compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/taurus-pisces-compatibility.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Pisces and Taurus revealed Table of Contents Toggle - [Taurus and Pisces Match More Than Some Think](#Taurus_and_Pisces_Match_More_Than_Some_Think) - [Taurus and Pisces Revealed](#Taurus_and_Pisces_Revealed) - [Taurus and Pisces – Traits of Each Sign](#Taurus_and_Pisces_%E2%80%93_Traits_of_Each_Sign) - [TAURUS TRAITS: APRIL 21 – MAY 21](#TAURUS_TRAITS_APRIL_21_%E2%80%93_MAY_21) - [PISCES: FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20](#PISCES_FEBRUARY_19_%E2%80%93_MARCH_20) - [Earth Signs and Water Signs Primer](#Earth_Signs_and_Water_Signs_Primer) - [1. Sexual Energy Between Taurus and Pisces ](#1_Sexual_Energy_Between_Taurus_and_Pisces) - [“The real connection happens in the area of discovery”](#%E2%80%9CThe_real_connection_happens_in_the_area_of_discovery%E2%80%9D) - [2. What’s Love Like Between The Bull and Fish?](#2_Whats_Love_Like_Between_The_Bull_and_Fish) - [3. Trust Between The Pairing](#3_Trust_Between_The_Pairing) - [“If the bull has been hurt in the past …](#%E2%80%9CIf_the_bull_has_been_hurt_in_the_past_%E2%80%A6) - [it does not forget the wound”](#it_does_not_forget_the_wound%E2%80%9D) - [4. Money Matters for Taurus and Pisces ](#4_Money_Matters_for_Taurus_and_Pisces) - [5. Intellectual Abilities For Taurus and Pisces   ](#5_Intellectual_Abilities_For_Taurus_and_Pisces) - [6. Communications Between The Pairing](#6_Communications_Between_The_Pairing) - [7. Interests Between Taurus and Pisces ](#7_Interests_Between_Taurus_and_Pisces) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Taurus and Pisces Match More Than Some Think Taurus and Pisces are said to be super compatible but few reasons are ever given why. Is it all based on wishful thinking or is there some truth behind the buzz? Can the goat and fish vibe romantically and sexually? If you are searching for answers, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this page is all about Taurus and Pisces with insights you’ll get nowhere else. **In this article, you will learn:** - The shared traits of Taurus and Pisces - The unique characteristics of Pisces - The special abilities of Taurus - How earth and water signs interact - Tips for working through problems - 7 ways Pisces and Taurus are highly compatible Before continuing, you have a right to know who is penning this piece. I am not an astrologer or a psychic. Instead, I happen to be a Shaman with [Virgo as my sun sign and a Scorpio moon](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/). Raised as a member of the Choctaw Indian Tribe, I grew up with deep respect for all things psycho-spiritual. For reasons that I don’t fully understand, I am drawn to the world of astrology and spirituality. ![taurus and pisces compatible](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Can the Bull and Fish vibe? At its root, [psycho-spiritualism](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1046/j.1365-2648.2003.02768.x) is a $10.00 term that is used to describe the blending of psychology and spirituality. This is not a new practice (Hung Ru and Bower, 2003). Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist, often found ways of marrying these two areas. In this way, Jung helped people to find meaning in the less obvious – the abstract. For example, his work in [dream interpretation](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) is still being studied to this day. Therefore, in the spirit of Jung, I’ll be presenting information on the Taurus and Pisces pairing that combines modern psychology and ancient wisdom. My hope is that after reading this piece, you’ll walk away with new knowledge about the duo that is both mystical and mysterious. ## Taurus and Pisces Revealed In my studies, I have learned that Pisces is not always the best match for other signs. Additionally, I’m also aware that Taurus doesn’t always vibe well with other zodiacs. Along those lines, Pisces is perhaps the most misunderstood sign in astrology. It is tagged with being horribly indecisive but also empathic. Conversely, Taurus is thought of as being overly materialistic but super generous. As you will soon see, there is a little bit of truth in both of the stereotypes. As you read what follows, keep in mind that the material presented is gender neutral, focusing only on the pairing between Taurus and Pisces. And it goes without saying that a [Taurus man in love](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) versus [Pisces man in love](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) will differ than their female counterparts. But in order for me to offer this piece with wide applicability, it just makes sense to do it without the masculine/feminine labels. My promise is to share information that is straightforward and free of the astro-babble that is so common on the web. Be forewarned, I tend to be super logical. Let’s begin by reviewing a chart of traits for each sign. This will act as a foundation for everything that is to come. Afterward, we will explore how Pisces and Taurus match in 7 life areas. ## Taurus and Pisces - Traits of Each Sign | TRAIT | TAURUS | PISCES | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Intuitive | x | x | | Adventurous | x | x | | Dominant | x | | | Autonomous | x | | | Creative | x | x | | Imaginative | x | x | | Loyal | x | x | | Feelers | | x | ![The Bull symbolizes Taurus](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/taurus-zodiac-sybbol.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Taurus – The Bull ## TAURUS TRAITS: APRIL 21 – MAY 21 In the traditions of ancient astrology, Taurus resides in the **Second House**. Not to get all woo-woo on you but a “House” is really simply an energy structure that holds the karmic traits of a given sign. If you were to open the door of the Second House, you would quickly sense several energies floating about. These include strong self-esteem, balance, and self-worth. Additionally, you would also intuit positive financial vibrations that signify strength, wealth, and prosperity. Taurus is symbolized by the bull; one of the most focused and hardworking animals on earth. Its ruling planet is Venus, located 162 million miles from where you are right now. The ancients tell us that eons ago, Venus’s rocky core once pulsated with tremendous power. In a massive energy burst, the bull was ejected from the planet’s center and flung deep into the solar system. Eventually, it took a stable orbit around the earth. All people born between April 21- May 21 are said to be under its influence. ### Primary Taurus Traits: Positive and Negative - Loyal - Friendly - Generous - Stubborn - Materialistic - Goal-focused - Can be arrogant - Lazy streak - Prone to burnout - Kind-hearted - Hard working - Self-indulgent ![Pisces sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-symbols-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Pisces – The Fish ## PISCES: FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Pisces resides in the **Twelfth House**. Upon walking through the front door of this hypothetical structure, you would immediately pick up on the energies of secrets, mysticism, and dreams. The sign is symbolized by two fish; one swimming upward and the other downward. You can learn more about [Pisces symbolism here](https://guycounseling.com/12-pisces-symbols-you-must-know/). This sign is ruled by two planets, Neptune and Jupiter. They are nearly 2 million miles apart, yet their energy fields combine to cause a cosmic ripple. Riding high atop this energy wave is the fish, blading through space and time. The ancients tell us that as Pisces neared earth, it was zapped by a powerful lightning bolt, granting the sign strange psychic abilities. All people born between February 19 – March 20 are said to be under the fish’s influence. ### Primary Pisces Traits: Positive and Negative - Highly empathic - Super caring - Psychic - Clingy - Prone to addiction - Adaptable - Submissive - Prone to depression - Adaptable - Intellectual - Creative - Prone to laziness - Indecisive ![earth and water signs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/lion-and-fish-pisces-leo.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Earth and Water Signs ## Earth Signs and Water Signs Primer Taurus is an Earth sign. When you hear the term *Earth Sign*, think of individuals who are grounded, focused, and well balanced. There are only three such signs: [Capricorn](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-truths/), Virgo, and Taurus respectively. Pisces is a Water sign. Whenever you hear the term *Water Sign,* think of people who are deep like the oceans, intuitive, and sensitive. There exist only three water signs: Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces respectively. [See this post on the Scorpio man in love to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/). ### **Fixed and Mutable Signs** Taurus is a fixed sign. This means they are stable and sometimes struggle with change. Pisces is a mutable sign. This means they have the gift of adaptability but can also have issues with staying focused. Now that we have covered the essentials for both Taurus and Pisces, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on what we’ve covered so far. When you are ready, let’s move on to exploring the seven ways this pairing matches in love and sex. ![pisces taurus](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cosmic-match-capricorn-cancer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Their sexual energy is strong ## 1. Sexual Energy Between Taurus and Pisces  The intimate dance that exists between Taurus and Pisces is unique and powerful. Taurus is all about sensuality and the art of lovemaking. Conversely, Pisces required an emotional connection. What’s interesting about their bedroom interactions is how one provides what the other may lack. Because of the bull’s strong sexual energy, it can sometimes be too much for other signs to handle. However, with Pisces, this is not the case. The fish is uniquely equipped to handle this type of intensity, similar to the relationship between [Taurus and Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-scorpio-compatibility/). Because the bull can sometimes be sexually anxious, the fish’s presence brings calming. But the real connection happens in the area of self-discovery. Taurus, a fixed sign, isn’t always down with trying new things. As a result, it can get stuck in a rut. Pisces, however, is a mutable sign. It adapts as necessary and is highly creative. It is one of the few zodiacs that can get Taurus out of its rut and experiment with different activities. Behind closed doors, this pairing can experience an explosive connection. Their deep Karmic link comes from the joining of earth and water. By nature, the Taurus tends to be dominant. Pisces is more submissive. Therefore, intimacy can last for hours with extended periods of touching. The more emotional the bull becomes, the more the fish is drawn in. Expect deep eye contact, coupled with long periods of passion, as part of the experience. In many ways, the connection their connection in this area cannot be described in words. ## *“The real connection happens in the area of discovery”* ## 2. What’s Love Like Between The Bull and Fish? The emotional bond between Pisces and Taurus is extremely strong. Be aware, however, this connection takes time to form because of Taurus’s guarded nature. Ever cautious when it comes to affairs of the heart, the bull looks to connect with a mate for the long term. While Pisces desires the same, it struggles far less with establishing an emotional link. Once both signs feel secure, their connection is unshakable. In fact, so strong is their bond that the duo must be careful not to become codependent. Pisces is drawn to Taurus’s dominant energy. On the flipside, the bull calms Piscean emotional states, helping to balance the fish’s mood. As time goes on and their love deepens, both will find their hearts vibrating at the same frequency. ![Trust between Taurus and Pisces](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/astrology-match-cosmic-art.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Trust between Taurus and Pisces ## 3. Trust Between The Pairing Similar to the previous trait of love, trust takes time to build between this pairing. The primary reason relates to each sign’s orientation. Taurus, a fixed sign, is very careful about emotionally investing in others. This is particularly true when it comes to love and fidelity. If the bull has been hurt in the past, it does not forget the wound. Pisces, a mutable sign, grants trust fairly fast but are also known for changing its mind. Should the bull pick up on the faintest whiff of doubt, it will stomp off with a quickness. That said, Pisces has a way of endearing itself to the bull. Because of its unique psychic powers, it can intuit what the bull needs. Taurus personalities have zero tolerance for infidelity, be it emotional or physical. Pisces in almost all cases can easily adapt to this requirement. The only exception is [when a Scorpio is in the picture](https://pairedlife.com/breakups/Scorpio-Traits-Male-Decoding-the-Scorpio-Man-to-Reveal-his-Secrets); a mysterious sign that the fish is strangely drawn to. That said, the trust that exists between the bull and the fish is deep and enduring. ## *“If the bull has been hurt in the past …* ## *it does not forget the wound”* ## 4. Money Matters for Taurus and Pisces  If there is one zone where Taurus and Pisces struggle, it’s in the area of money. I’m going to preface everything here by drawing your attention to the opposites. Remember, one sign is fixed and the other is mutable. Translation: Taurus is strategic and purposeful with money. Pisces can be impulsive and sometimes wasteful. This is not meant to offend any Pisces who are reading this. But the hard truth is that for the many strengths of the fish, money isn’t one of them. The good news is that both give what the other struggles to possess. Taurus can be miserly and is prone to being cheap. Pisces has a way of jarring the bull out of its usual doldrums and get it to try new things. On the flipside, the bull creates boundaries for the fish around spending. Pisces benefits greatly from this and will find the financial discipline to be healing. Once each sign understands the relationship the other has with money, personal finances aren’t problematic. The trick is for Taurus to recognize not everyone uses money as a security blanket. Conversely, the fish must recognize the importance of saving for a rainy day. Below you should see a poll that explores the pairing between the pairing. If you are accessing this post on a smartphone, it may not appear. Should that be the case, you can use click on this [Taurus and Pisces poll](https://poll.fm/10225196) link to vote and see results. ## 5. Intellectual Abilities For Taurus and Pisces    The intellectual match between Pisces and Taurus is high. Both signs are naturally curious with the bull attracted to the fish’s deep sense of insight. Because Pisces is so empathic, it has a way of understanding complex issues on an emotional level. Taurus has the unique gift of being able to see the “big picture”. In this way, both complement one another. Each provides the other a lens from which to see things from a different perspective. One is not smarter than the other. Instead, each absorbs mental material differently. When in a romantic relationship, these traits make for a powerful match. ## 6. Communications Between The Pairing Initially, communications between the pairing can be challenging. That’s because one is grounded in the earth and the other anchored in the sea. However, once each sign has tuned into the other, communication is not a problem. In fact, over the course of time, words are not necessary. That’s because both form a psychic link that allows each sign to know what the other is thinking. An additional feature of Taurus-Pisces combo relates to the listening skills of the fish. Pisces, perhaps more than any other sign in the galaxy, is gifted with extreme listening powers. Not only does the fish “hear” the spoken word but, also can intuit the emotions attached. Taurus, which can sometimes be temperamental and anxious, benefits greatly. The reality is the bull needs a safe place to vent and sometimes unload. Pisces is more than capable of handling this need. Because of its nurturing ways, it thrives off helping others. Arguments do happen with this pairing but usually at the beginning of the relationship. Pisces will need to be mindful of spending to avoid a fight. Taurus must learn how to emote so as to not be perceived as indifferent. ![taurus and pisces match](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-planets-in-the-universe.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)The match between Taurus and Pisces ## 7. Interests Between Taurus and Pisces  In the area of interests, Taurus and Pisces get along great. Taurus is attracted to the mountains. Pisces, the sea. This makes for a great match for travel purposes. Both enjoy the outdoors with Taurus fond of camping. Pisces likes this too, provided time is spent around water. When you reflect on this duo, think of hiking, fishing, and skiing. In addition to the above, both signs are into movies and theater. The more mind-twisting the plot, the more Pisces gets sucked in. Taurus likes this too however, it prefers more realistic themes. Like a moth to a flame, Pisces is drawn to the spiritual. Conversely, Taurus is pulled towards the areas of money and science. In this way, each sign provides the other a pathway to new insights – and experiences. ![astrology matches](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/planets.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)A solid future ## Wrap Up Hopefully, the material I’ve shared has provided you with useful perspectives about this pairing. Taurus and Pisces relationships are almost always long term. In fact, they tend to last a lifetime. The duo makes for excellent parents, offering children an emotionally nurturing and financially stable home. To learn more about pairings in astrology, there’s a great book you might want to check out Love Astrology ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2RVG9Wr)). Reference: Hung-Ru and Bower, (2003). Psycho‐spiritual well‐being in patients with advanced cancer: an integrative review of the literature **Related Posts** [Leo man in love](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) [Sagittarius man personality](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-love-relationships/) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Earth Signs, Pisces, scorpio, Taurus, Water Signs --- ### [7 Ways Leo and Scorpio Match in Love and Sex!](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-leo-scorpio-match/) **Published:** September 10, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![Leo and Scorpio compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/leo-and-scorpio.jpg?resize=711%2C501&ssl=1)Leo and Scorpio a match? Photo credit: Deposit photos. Table of Contents Toggle - [Leo and Scorpio](#Leo_and_Scorpio) - [Leo and Scorpio Revealed](#Leo_and_Scorpio_Revealed) - [Scorpio and Leo: Compatibility Traits](#Scorpio_and_Leo_Compatibility_Traits) - [LEO: JULY 23 – AUGUST 22](#LEO_JULY_23_%E2%80%93_AUGUST_22) - [SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21](#SCORPIO_OCTOBER_23_%E2%80%93_NOVEMBER_21) - [LEO AND SCORPIO ARE FIXED](#LEO_AND_SCORPIO_ARE_FIXED) - [Why Do Leo and Scorpio Match?](#Why_Do_Leo_and_Scorpio_Match) - [1. Sexual Energy](#1_Sexual_Energy) - [The Sun and Moon’s Impact](#The_Sun_and_Moons_Impact) - [2. Love](#2_Love) - [3. Trust](#3_Trust) - [4. Communication](#4_Communication) - [5. Intellect](#5_Intellect) - [6. Money](#6_Money) - [7. Interests](#7_Interests) - [Summary of Leo and Scorpio](#Summary_of_Leo_and_Scorpio) ## Leo and Scorpio We often hear that **Leo and Scorpio** aren’t the best match but few reasons are given why. Is there any truth behind the buzz? Can the lion and scorpion really vibe romantically and sexually? If you are curious about the answers, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this page is all about Leo and Scorpio with insight you’ll get nowhere else. **In this article, you will learn:** - The shared traits of Leo and Scorpio - Specific characteristics of Leo - The unique traits of Scorpio - Background on fixed signs - The influence of the sun and moon on both zodiacs - 7 ways Leo and Scorpio are compatible As a website visitor, you have a right to know who authored this piece. Right off the bat, I need to state I am not a reader, psychic or astrologer. Instead, I am simply a [Scorpio man](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) who is trained in psychology. For reasons that escape my awareness, I am drawn to the topic of ancient mysticism. Guided by the teachings of the famous psychiatrist Carl Jung, combined with research that comes to us from the mystics, I’m going to share specific reasons why Leo and Scorpio are a strong match. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/astrology-match-cosmic-art.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo and Scorpio based on the ancients ## Leo and Scorpio Revealed What I’ve learned in my research is that not all signs are a good fit for Leo. The same holds true for Scorpio; one of the most mysterious zodiacs in the astrological universe. What’s interesting is that despite what some might say, Leo and Scorpio vibe a lot more than people think. That’s because both signs balance one another. Simply put, what one lacks, the other compensates for. Additionally, both signs are heavily influenced by the moon and sun. [If you are a Leo man](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) looking for insight into Scorpio, this article is for you. Conversely, if you are a Scorpio woman hoping to find insight on Leo, you’ll find answers here. That said, everything appearing below has been presented in a gender-neutral way, focusing only on the pairing between Leo and Scorpio. My promise to you is to provide information that is direct and to the point. This will allow you to make the best decision for your mating needs. As part of this presentation, you’ll also find practical tips on how to best handle Leo and Scorpio relationships. Included in this post, there are videos about each sign to help deepen your understanding. Let’s begin with a chart of shared traits and then move on to assessing their compatibility in 7 life areas. ## Scorpio and Leo: Compatibility Traits | TRAIT | LEO | SCORPIO | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Intuitive | x | x | | Adventurous | x | | | Dominant | x | x | | Autonomous | x | x | | Creative | x | x | | Imaginative | x | x | | Loyal | x | x | | Feelers | | x | ## LEO: JULY 23 – AUGUST 22 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Leo born people fall into the “Fifth House”. That’s a generic term used to describe the theoretical structure that holds specific traits of the sign, which are then passed on in human form. Leo is ruled by only one celestial body – our sun. Riding atop beams of light that pulsate from the star, the symbolic lion arrives on earth. According to ancient lore, the sun represents strength, power, and vitality. Hellenistic Greeks believed the yellow disc also symbolized the ego, which in modern psychology translates to the [center of personality](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0276236617712988?journalCode=icaa). ### Major Leo Traits (Positive and Negative) Include: - Warm and gentle - Highly creative - Sometimes arrogant - Difficulty with change - Extremely charming - Cheerful - Prone to lazy streaks - Generous - Artistic - Sometimes self-centered - Inflexible - Self-critical ## SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21 Scorpio born people fall into the “Eight House” of the Zodiac. If you were to open the door to this metaphysical structure and walk inside, you would sense the presence of mystery, logic, bonding, and sexuality. The sign is ruled by two planets; Pluto and Mars respectively. The dual forces of both celestial bodies help to explain Scorpio’s strange energy. If you’ve ever been with a Scorpion, you probably detected a split personality; one is intense and passionate. The other detached and cold. Pluto, the farthest known planetoid from earth, vibes out Scorpio’s mysterious, distant energy. Mars, third closet to our sun, broadcasts heat and passion. Mars symbolizes action, energy, and desire. Pluto represents secrecy, renewal, and obsessiveness. ### Major Scorpio Traits (Positive and Negative) Include: - Highly sensitive - Empathic - Jealous - Mysterious - Disconnected - Holds grudges - Loyal - Sexually dominant - Logical - Emotionally distant - Controlling - Caretakers ![Fixed signs leo and scorpio](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbols-explored.jpg?resize=640%2C359&ssl=1)Fixed signs are steady ## LEO AND SCORPIO ARE FIXED We often hear terms liked “fixed” when reading about different signs. But what does that really mean? It’s simple. In astrology, fixed means “secure” and “firmly attached”. Here are the basic traits: - Dependable - Reliable - Stable - Determined - Resolute - Not great with change - Usually very confident This is important to know because both Leo and Scorpio are fixed. It is this shared attribute that helps to make them compatible. But it can also cause problems when one has a different life goal than the other. ![Leo and Scorpio compatibility revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Why do the ancients suggest Leo and Scorpio match? ## Why Do Leo and Scorpio Match? Now that you have the basic traits for each sign, let’s look at the specific reasons why Leo and Scorpio “fit”.. I’ll guide you through seven unique areas and offer supporting rationale along the way. ## 1. Sexual Energy To cut right to the chase, the shared sexual energy between Leo and Scorpio is crazy – but in a good way. Part of the reason can be traced to Leo’s need to please and put on a show at the same time. The heat from the Lion acts like a magnet to Scorpio, drawing the sign in like a moth to a flame. And because Scorpio vibrates out cool mystery, it has an alluring effect on Leo. Unlike other signs that require a buildup to intimacy, this is usually not the case with this pairing. The attraction is often immediate and powerful. In a non-arrogant way, Leo needs to be the center of attention. This is not so for Scorpio, which likes to hide in the shadows, blending in quietly with background scenery. The powerful orgasmic explosion occurs because **both Scorpio and Leo like to dominate**. Translation: physical intimacy can take on a competitive nature with one trying to please the other in an exchange of activities. That said, Leo can be submissive but only as part of exhibitionism. Scorpio, on the other hand, can intuit the lion’s needs, thereby making a romantic experience powerfully symbiotic. ## The Sun and Moon’s Impact Our moon orbits the earth in an elliptical pattern. That rotation is partly controlled by the earth’s gravitational tug. In turn, our planet circles the sun, which is why we have night and day. So why does this have to do with Leo and Scorpio? Well, according to ancient myth, Leo becomes **most sexually powerful during two specific times**. The first being the early morning hours and the second, at dusk. It is during these windows when Leo has sexual power over Scorpio. In other words, it makes the sign even more dominant. Bear in mind that Leo is a Fire sign – meaning it radiates out strength, passion, and energy. Conversely, Scorpio finds it’s sexual zenith during full moon. This makes sense because Scorpio is a water sign. When you hear that term – water sign – think psychic, intuitive, and empathic. Just like ocean’s currents are powerful, so is Scorpio’s sexual appetite in the lead up to full moon. Translation: Scorpio becomes more dominant and can overpower Leo. Some couples have learned to time intimacy at a halfway point, like connecting later in the evening and not during full moon. This allows for a more balanced experience. Should the two signs mate early in the morning or at dusk when the moon is full, there can be powerful, explosive consequences. While this may sound like a good thing, it can often be **too much** for both to handle – so be forewarned. ### “There can be powerful, explosive consequences” ![dream analysis of being chased](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-planets-in-the-universe.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Do the lion and scorpion bond romantically? ## 2. Love Scorpio is highly empathic, governed by skillful deductive reasoning. In many ways, the sign’s intuitive abilities are similar to Cancer. The only sign that is more sensitive is Pisces; the most psychic in the astrological universe ([See Pisces traits to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)). Using this ability, Scorpio can “read” Leo without the lion needing to speak a word. Empowered by Mars and Pluto, the [arachnid’s](http://www.nhptv.org/wild/arachnida.asp) mysterious energy draws Leo close with the goal of emotional bonding. Leo, powerful and strong, becomes a gentle giant in the presence of Scorpio. This is a mutually symbiotic connection. The lion is a loving, compassionate, and protective creature by nature. This equates to a good fit for Scorpio; a sign that needs a wise and understanding soul to help keep it in check. Let’s be real for a moment about something. Scorpios obsess – a lot. They often become consumed with reoccurring thoughts that never seem to end. Other signs simply cannot handle this trait. But this is not true for Leo. Like a caring and protective mother, it has the power to gently guide Scorpio away from unhealthy behaviors to a place of gentle calmness. And what about Leo – a sign known for gravitating towards living large and (at times) acting grandiose? Well, because of Scorpio’s cool vibe, it has a strange way of reigning the lion in. That’s not to say the arachnid is always successful. Sometimes, lions need to roar. Scorpio knows when to keep its mouth shut. In matters of love, the two bond because they uniquely understand one another. Conventional wisdom suggests that water signs and Fire signs struggle in this area. But this simply isn’t the case for Leo and Scorpio. But here is the thing and it’s a biggie. The emotional connection takes time to build. Unlike the sexual attraction that is immediate, love between the two requires patience and often passes through periods of intense disagreements. Once both signs “understand” one another, the shared connection grows and becomes crazily unshakable. ![Aquarius is ruled by Saturn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saturn-capricorn.jpg?resize=640%2C350&ssl=1)Trust between the signs ## 3. Trust One might think trust between Leo and Scorpio is problematic. Arriving at this conclusion makes sense on the surface. After all, Leo is open and transparent whereas Scorpio is more secretive and mysterious. But when you peel the metaphorical onion a few layers, it soon becomes apparent that **their differences are really hidden strengths**. Let me explain why. Where Leo is gregarious and extroverted, Scorpio is isolated and introverted. In this way, one compensates for what the other does not have. When it comes to trust, each Zodiac’s personality balances the other, creating a strong bond. This doesn’t happen overnight. The hard truth is Leo and Scorpio are cautious about attachments. This dynamic is not unlike what one might find in a [Cancer Scorpio relationship](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/) – with the crab being extremely careful about who it lets into its home. ### “One compensates for what the other does not have” ## 4. Communication If there is one area where problems can occur between the scorpion and the lion, it is in the realm of communication. But not in the way you may think. By nature, Leo is a talker and likes to chat about different topics. Scorpio, on the other hand, likes to keep to him/herself and not talk much at all. During the initial phase of the relationship, these differences can cause friction. The lion may mistake Scorpio’s silence as uncaring and detached. But that’s not what’s happening at all. Instead, the Scorpion is carefully tuning into everything being said. If you’ve ever seen a dog intently stare at you while retrieving food from the fridge, you get my drift. That’s how Scorpions are – they watch and observe everything in the beginning. Once the lion understands what is really going on, hurt feelings become less likely. After that, communication is a cakewalk. Eventually, it can get to the point where verbalizing isn’t necessary. That’s because both can empathically tune into each other. Well, at least that’s what the mystics believe. While you are here, why not vote in the poll below. If you don’t see it, click on [this](http://poll.fm/5wylh) link. ## 5. Intellect Both signs are gifted intellectually. Leo has the unique ability to see the “big picture” and can size up a situation fast. Scorpio, on the other hand, is much more “micro” focused. It sees the tiny details others often miss. Again, this is another example of how one can complement the other through their differences. What’s amazing is that when both signs get their groove on, their combined intellectual abilities are extremely powerful. Some have suggested that Leo struggles to reach the intellectual depth of Scorpio. **To believe this, however, would be a mistake.** Here’s what is really going on. Scorpio is highly analytical and assesses different possibilities. Leo, however, is much more instinctual and is often right when it comes to finding solutions. The wind up in this area is simple. Intellectually, both signs balance one another – in an almost uncanny way. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/planets.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)The ancients say Leo and Scorpio are destined together ## 6. Money This area of compatibility is not complicated at all. Both Leo and Scorpio are fixed signs. This means the lion and the arachnid each require a high degree of security. There can be differences in how money is spent. For example, Leo likes to lavish itself with luxurious items, particularly in the home. In this way, the lion becomes king of his/her cave. Scorpio likes a nice home too but views resource allocation through the lens of practicality. That’s not to say this sign doesn’t have its weaknesses. It does. A big one is spending excessively on personal care items and clothing. But Leo and Scorpio are not like Capricorns who tend to be miserly. [See post on Capricorn men to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/). Instead, both the lion and the arachnid are goal focused and have no problem putting aside money for goals. This is where communication is critical. Once the duo agrees on what is needed for the future, the two will work in tandem to make it happen. Leo doesn’t like wasting money and is generous to a fault. Scorpio is nearly identical in this way. Honestly, there usually are few financial difficulties with this pairing. ## 7. Interests A strong area where both signs match is interests. Leo is all about culture, entertainment, and competition. Scorpio gravitates towards the sciences, the supernatural, and the mysterious. What’s amazing is that both find common ground and can talk about topics for hours. Politics, sports, actors, inventions, spirituality – all are conversation pieces. Both signs like the outdoors with the lion gravitating towards the mountains and Scorpio towards the sea. Camping, hiking, boating, and site-seeing are all shared interest areas. Because Leo leans heavily into culture, it is important for Scorpio to be open to new experiences. This generally is not a problem because the arachnid is highly curious. It just needs a good push sometimes to get going. On the flip-side, Leo must be open to the analytical. This means suffering (at times) through something non-stimulating, like a scientific discussion. ![scorpio men and aquarius women](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Uranus-and-Saturn.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Summary of Leo and Scorpio Leo and Scorpio are very compatible. Contrary to conventional wisdom, they match well in the areas of love and intimacy. While there may be initial challenges around communication, this often fades away as the relationship continues. Once an emotional bond has been formed, the pair usually stays together for many years – if not a lifetime. That’s just how fixed signs are; focused, dedicated and resilient. I hope what has been shared here helps you to better understand how Leo and Scorpio interact in romantic relationships. Thank you for stopping by. References: Jung, C. (1953). *Psychological types: or the psychology of individuation.* Oxford, England: Harcourt, Brace. Retrieved from An introduction to Jung’s psychology. Photo credits: Pixabay **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Leo, scorpio --- ### [7 Ways Taurus and Scorpio Are Highly Compatible](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-scorpio-compatibility/) **Published:** December 22, 2022 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![taurus and scorpio](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/taurus-and-scorpio.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Taurus and Scorpio match? Table of Contents Toggle - [How Scorpio and Taurus match](#How_Scorpio_and_Taurus_match) - [Taurus and Scorpio revealed](#Taurus_and_Scorpio_revealed) - [Taurus and Leo – Traits of Each Sign](#Taurus_and_Leo_%E2%80%93_Traits_of_Each_Sign) - [Taurus: April 20 – May 20](#Taurus_April_20_%E2%80%93_May_20) - [Major Taurus Traits (Positive and Negative)](#Major_Taurus_Traits_Positive_and_Negative) - [Scorpio: October 23 – November 21](#Scorpio_October_23_%E2%80%93_November_21) - [Major Scorpio Traits (Positive and Negative)](#Major_Scorpio_Traits_Positive_and_Negative) - [Fixed Signs](#Fixed_Signs) - [Why do Taurus and Scorpio match?](#Why_do_Taurus_and_Scorpio_match) - [1. Sexual Energy](#1_Sexual_Energy) - [2. Love](#2_Love) - [“There is a gentle, unspoken connection between the two”](#%E2%80%9CThere_is_a_gentle_unspoken_connection_between_the_two%E2%80%9D) - [3. Trust](#3_Trust) - [4. Money](#4_Money) - [5. Intellect](#5_Intellect) - [“Both signs are highly analytical”](#%E2%80%9CBoth_signs_are_highly_analytical%E2%80%9D) - [6. Communications](#6_Communications) - [7. Interests](#7_Interests) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## How Scorpio and Taurus match **Scorpio and Taurus** are said to be compatible, but few reasons are given why. Is it all based on speculation or is there any truth behind the buzz? Can the bull and the scorpion get along? If you are curious to know the answers, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this post is all about the Scorpio and Taurus pairing with insight you’ll get nowhere else. **In this article, you will learn:** - The shared traits of Scorpio and Taurus - The unique traits of Scorpio - The special attributes of Taurus - How fixed signs interact - Tips for rough spots in this pairing - 7 ways Scorpio and Taurus are highly compatible Before we dive too deep, you have a right to know who is authoring this article. I’ll level with you. I’m not a psychic or astrologer. Instead, I’m a [Virgo male](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/) sun sign with a Scorpio moon. Additionally, I’m a practicing shaman with extensive training in the areas of psychology and astrology. For reasons that are beyond my awareness, I have gravitated towards the mystical since early childhood. Infusing wisdom from the ancients, combined with learning concepts from psychotherapist [Carl Jung](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1954-05151-000), I will share with you why Taurus and Scorpio are such a powerful match. It may help you to think of what follows as a spiritual journey. One that contains spiritual truths that are constant among all belief systems. ![Scorpio and Taurus match](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/scorpio-and-taurus-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio Taurus Pairing ## Taurus and Scorpio revealed What I have learned over many years is that not all signs are a good match for Taurus; a Zodiac that is known for having strong convictions and a steel core. Conversely, I have also learned that Scorpio can struggle with compatibility, primarily because of its complicated personality and penchant for jealousy. Taurus is pegged with being focused and driven. Scorpio is thought of as being highly empathic and sexual. But are either of these stereotypes true? You are about to find out. As you read the seven-match areas, bear in mind that everything you see is gender neutral, focusing only on the pairing between Taurus and Scorpio. My promise is to share material that is straightforward and devoid of horoscope-babble. The mystics didn’t make their teachings complicated and I won’t do that here. To help encourage insight, I’ve included practical tips for how to best handle the Taurus and Scorpio relationship. A video has been added to provide context. We will start off by looking at the primary traits between Scorpio and Taurus. Take note of their differences and similarities. This will be used for foundational purposes. Afterward, we’ll examine each sign individually and assess how Taurus and Scorpio uniquely match. ## Taurus and Leo - Traits of Each Sign | TRAIT | TAURUS | SCORPIO | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Intuitive | x | x | | Adventurous | x | | | Dominant | x | x | | Autonomous | x | x | | Creative | x | x | | Imaginative | x | x | | Loyal | x | x | | Feelers | | x | ![The Bull symbolizes Taurus](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/taurus-zodiac-sybbol.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Taurus is symbolized by the Bull ## Taurus: April 20 – May 20 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Taurus resides in the “Second House”. When you hear the term *house*, think of it as a metaphorical structure that holds a given sign’s karmic traits. If you were to open the door to this home, you would immediately sense balance. As you take it all in, energies would pass through you that infuse strong self-esteem and self-worth. In the distance, a green aura vibrates. Intuitively, you would recognize this as a sign of money and wealth. The bull is exclusively ruled by Venus, located 162 miles from where you are right now. It is within this celestial body that Taurus’s powers are derived ([see more under Taurus man](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/)). According to the ancients, Venus’s nickel-iron once pulsated wildly, flinging the symbolic bull far into the solar system. As it gained momentum on the journey towards earth, it was zapped by a lightning bolt from the [Orion Nebula](http://earthsky.org/clusters-nebulae-galaxies/orion-nebula-jewel-in-orions-sword), gifting the furry creature with traits of determination and balance. ## Major Taurus Traits (Positive and Negative) - Generous - Loyal - Materialistic - Sometimes “dull” - Highly stable - Loyal - Opinionated - Patient - Lazy streak - Prone to burnout - Kind-hearted - Self-indulgent ![Scorpio sun sign symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/scorpio-2689945_1280.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio in Astrology ## Scorpio: October 23 – November 21 People born under the Scorpio sign fall under the “Eight House” in astrology. If you were to open the door to this metaphoric structure and walk inside, you would immediately detect the presence of mystery, logic, intimacy, and bonding. Scorpio is ruled by two planets that could not be more opposite.  One is Mars, located 140 million miles from where you are right now. It is considered a “hot” planet and symbolizes passion and action. The other is Pluto, located 737 million miles from earth. It is considered a “cold” planet and according to legend, represents mystery, death, secrecy, and rejuvenation. Billions of years ago, during the formation of our planet, the ancients tell us that the polarities of Mars and Pluto once touched, creating a quantum field. Surfing atop this energy wave was the Scorpion. Just before arriving at earth, it was jolted by a zap of energy from the center of the Milky Way. Charged positively and negatively, the arachnid was given special empathic gifts. ## Major Scorpio Traits (Positive and Negative) - Logical - Empathic - Vengeful - Possessive - Patient - Caring - Withdrawn - Obsessive - Calculating - Stable - Reclusive - Secretive ![fixed signs in astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cosmic-match-capricorn-cancer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Fixed signs ## Fixed Signs No conversation about Taurus and Scorpio would be complete unless we quickly touched on how both are considered *fixed* signs. You may be wondering what does the term “fixed” mean in astrology? Simply put, these are the signs that in our universe that are thought to be steady in nature. They belong exclusively to the Second, Fifth, Eighth and Eleventh Houses. When you hear the term fixed, think stable, resolved, determined and resolute. There are only four signs that are considered fixed; Scorpio, [Aquarius](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/), [Leo](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/), and Taurus respectively. ![leo man revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Can the Bull and Scorpion vibe? ## Why do Taurus and Scorpio match? Now that you have some basic background information, it’s time to look at the specific reasons Scorpio and Taurus match. Below are the 7 compatibility areas with supporting rationale. ## 1. Sexual Energy To be blunt, Taurus and Scorpio make for a powerful force behind closed doors. In fact, many have described the experience as intense. Bulls, by definition, are sexual beasts and crave the carnal. Governed by pleasure, physical intimacy comes natural to the sign, provided it vibes with the right zodiac. Scorpio, using its highly intuitive skills, can tap into Taurus’s libido, drawing out its passions. Because the two signs oppose one another, the joining of the two in the bedroom can be explosive. The one challenge both signs face is a desire to dominate. Scorpio is independent and needs to be in control. Taurus can be stubborn and doesn’t cede power easily. When the pairing finds a happy medium, intimacy often lasts for hours. Much time is spent on the buildup, including foreplay. ![Love between the signs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/dream-analysis-therapist-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Love between the signs ## 2. Love The emotional bond of love between Scorpio and Taurus is deep and enduring, built on a foundation of trust. When you consider the attributes of both signs, this makes perfect sense. The bull is careful when it comes to matters of the heart. But once it feels safe, bonding happens quickly. That said, the process doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a patient, nurturing, and attentive sign like Scorpio to catch the Taurus heart. Once both are in sync, their love vibration beats in unison. Scorpio is drawn to challenges. Given the bull’s determined energy, the arachnid is drawn to Taurus like a moth to a flame. The one thing Scorpio must be mindful of is not allowing its passions to turn into an obsession; something all who fall under this sign are vulnerable to. Once the initial emotional fireworks quiet, the love between two grows in calm and steady ways. Because both are fixed in nature, there is a gentle, unspoken connection between the two. Taurus soothes Scorpio’s obsessions. Conversely, Scorpio reigns in Taurus’s need to possess. ## “There is a gentle, unspoken connection between the two” ## 3. Trust There is a high level of trust between Taurus and Scorpio. Part of this is due to the slow and steady nature in which the relationship grows. Both signs are highly loyal. Additionally, the bull and arachnid are extremely protective. Finally, each is cautious by nature and carefully think through emotional investments in another before making a commitment. Once a decision has been made to become exclusive, their physical bonds become sealed. Again, this is a slow process and does not happen instantly. On this front, it is important to point out that both signs like to flirt. The bull will need to make sure it doesn’t jump to conclusions when this happens. Conversely, Scorpio must reel in its jealous tendencies. ![trust in astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/archer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Money – on target ## 4. Money Financial compatibility between Taurus and Scorpio is typically not a problem. In fact, this pairing shares many of the same traits regarding spending priorities and savings. Much of this relates to both signs being fixed. Taurus likes knowing there is money in the bank for a rainy day. Scorpio by nature is a miser and often obsesses about how much cash it has on hand. Both signs abhor debt and will work hard to make sure credit cards and other bills are paid. Housing is important for each sign with both preferring to own. FYI: Both signs have an entrepreneurial chip. It is not uncommon for either to own a business. The only challenge that might exist between this duo on the money front relates to the bull’s penchant for materialism. This is not a knock against Taurus but instead, a truth that part of the sign’s traits. Ongoing communication about financial goals for the future will be essential for maintaining monetary health. That said, this is a strong match area. ## 5. Intellect Taurus is an earth sign that is practical with a focus on the here and now. Scorpio is a water sign and prone to bifurcating between past and future. On this surface, this may seem like a net negative. In truth, however, it is this paradox that strangely draws the duo together. Taurus has a way of reeling Scorpio back to the center. Scorpio can stimulate the bull’s imagination. Taurus tends to look at the big picture. Scorpio on the minutia. What one may be missing, the other compensates for. Many couples who fall under this pairing are described as “nerdy” and “heady”. In many ways, this makes sense because both signs are highly analytical. In the realm of intellectual capacity, the duo makes for a strong match. ## “Both signs are highly analytical” ## 6. Communications During the initial phases of the relationship, communications can be a struggle. This is almost entirely because of Scorpio’s desire to remain mysterious. As a result, the sign isn’t one to offer up information until a basis of trust is formed. Liking challenges, Taurus will gently nudge the arachnid with the goal of getting its defenses down. The need for secrecy on the part of Scorpio begins to fade and communication becomes free-flowing. Taurus tends to be very direct when speaking and is not one for passive-aggressive games. Scorpio is similar, however, it sometimes can be *too* direct and make biting remarks. The real struggle between the duo manifests in the form of stubbornness. As fixed signs, they both tend to see things in black or white with little grey in between. That’s why it’s critical for the Taurus and Scorpio pairing to keep an open mind. This is easier said than done, however, if both parties work at it, it is very possible. Once the relationship settles into its groove, communication is typically uncomplicated. Just allow time for an initial period of friction to transpire – and trust that it will pass. ## 7. Interests The interest areas shared between Taurus and Scorpio are plentiful. Both enjoy spending time outdoors with Taurus gravitating towards the land and Scorpio, the sea. Both enjoy travel. Hiking, camping, and nature-based activities are in both zodiac’s wheelhouses. Additionally, both are into exercise and healthy eating because they deeply care about physical appearance. Most all forms of entertainment are of interest to the bull and scorpion. Taurus generally likes adventure themes. Scorpio, all things mysterious and scary. Both can get into Sci-Fi. The trick for this duo is not to get into a rut. Because of their fixed nature, they can easily fall into a routine and miss out on what’s new. From time to time, it will be important to change things up and introduce different experiences. ![match between scorpio and taurus](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/astrology-match-cosmic-art.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Match areas Scorpio and Taurus ## Wrap Up Hopefully, I’ve demonstrated that Taurus and Scorpio are highly compatible. As you can see, they share many similarities but also differ in important ways. **It is their differences that draw the two close.** The pairing makes for excellent parents. Children will find a stable, loving and supportive home life. **References:** Jung, C. (1953). Psychological types: or the psychology of individuation. Oxford, England: Harcourt, Brace. Retrieved from An introduction to Jung’s psychology. — Related Posts: [Learn all about the Scorpio man!](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) [Learn all about the Sagittarius man! ](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-love-relationships/) **Categories:** Astrology **Tags:** Astrology, Compatibility, scorpio, Taurus --- ### [Capricorn Man Personality and Compatibility](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/) **Published:** January 18, 2016 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![Capricorn man personality traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Capricorn-Man-10-Personalit-Traits.png?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Capricorn Man Personality: Love, Compatibility and Traits](#Capricorn_Man_Personality_Love_Compatibility_and_Traits) - [Capricorn Sign Background](#Capricorn_Sign_Background) - [Capricorn Personality](#Capricorn_Personality) - [Capricorn Man: Personality Traits Explained](#Capricorn_Man_Personality_Traits_Explained) - [Capricorn Powers of Love](#Capricorn_Powers_of_Love) - [Capricorn Equals Stability](#Capricorn_Equals_Stability) - [Famous Capricorn Men](#Famous_Capricorn_Men) - [Inviting Capricorn Sign Symbols](#Inviting_Capricorn_Sign_Symbols) - [Capricorn Poll for Men and Women](#Capricorn_Poll_for_Men_and_Women) - [Capricorn Man Compatibility Best Matches](#Capricorn_Man_Compatibility_Best_Matches) - [Capricorn Compatibility Difficult Matches](#Capricorn_Compatibility_Difficult_Matches) - [Capricorn Traits and Characteristics Book](#Capricorn_Traits_and_Characteristics_Book) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## **Capricorn Man Personality: Love, Compatibility and Traits** Searching for information on the [**Capricorn**](http://www.space.com/21414-capricornus-constellation.html) **man**? Are you hoping to learn key traits and personality characteristics? Are you dating a Capricorn man right now and hoping to discover what makes him tick? Perhaps you are a Capricorn man in search of more information about your Zodiac sign? If so, you have come to the right place. The Capricorn sign is one of the most misunderstood of the Zodiac. Moreover, the personality traits of Capricorn men are often described incorrectly. There are a number of reasons for this, including misinformation that has been repeated on the part of some lazy astrologers and flat out ignorance regarding male and female Capricorn characteristics. Visitors to this site know that from time to time, I will write about the different Zodiac signs as a pathway to personal insight. There is a place for psychology and spirituality, which many is often called “psycho-spirituality”. Sure, the material I share may be a bit unconventional but for reasons that I do not fully understand, I am drawn to astrology. And the truth is a lot of men, including Capricorn guys, like reading about their Zodiac signs. What follows are 10 key personality traits for the Capricorn Man you can’t ignore. **Here is what you will learn:** - Capricorn sign personality background - General Capricorn men personality traits - Capricorn man and their ability to love - Why Capricorn men are stable partners - 10 unique Capricorn men personality traits - Famous Capricorn male celebrities - How to attract Capricorn men - An overview of the Capricorn constellation - Debunked Capricorn myths - Compatibility of Capricorn men - Poll on Capricorn men I’ve included some detailed background information about this Earth Sign to help you better understand the unique nature of Capricorn. There are only three earth signs with [Taurus being one](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) and [Virgo the other](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/). In case you are wondering, Capricorn bears the sign of the goat. Something we will be getting into more as we continue along the way. ![Capricorn is rules by Saturn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/saturn-is-a-ringed-planet.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Capricorn is ruled exclusively by Saturn ## **Capricorn Sign Background** Capricorn is considered the “10th House of the Zodiac”, which also happens to be the same place where “Social Status” resides. In plain-speak, this means that the ultimate decision to enter a particular line of work or be involved with a given career is largely influenced by Capricorn energy. Bear in mind that there are 12 houses in total that make up our current understanding astrology. While we don’t have exact numbers, the current estimates suggest that only around 4.8% of the global population is Capricorn with an even split between Capricorn men and women. This means that Capricorn males are rare indeed, making up only 2.4% of the world’s 7 billion person population. Folks, that is rare and speaks to the uniqueness of the Capricorn sign. Before going further, I need to disclose to you that I am a Scorpio male, which is considered a water sign. While this may not seem significant, I wanted to share this material with so that you knew who was writing this article. If you are interested in learning about water signs, including Scorpio, feel free to read this [Scorpio symbols article](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/). ## **Capricorn Personality** ### Capricorn Sign: December 22 – January 19 Positive Traits - Loyal - Outgoing - Charming - Friendly - Patient - Compassionate - Resourceful - Independent - Hard working Negative Traits - Demanding - Sometimes inhibited - Distrusting - Arrogant - Accused of being “bland” - Problems functioning in groups - Struggles with anxiety ![saturn in astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/saturn-341379_640.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Saturn – a powerful planet in astrology ## **Capricorn Man: Personality Traits Explained** The Capricorn sign is ruled by the Saturn, the [second largest celestial planet](http://www.space.com/48-saturn-the-solar-systems-major-ring-bearer.html) in our solar system. The enormous energy that Saturn puts out is what infuses Capricorn men with such energetic zeal sexually, which some partners of Capricorn men have reported to be at times exhausting. Many people do not know this but Saturn spins faster than any other planet, except for Jupiter – which in part rules the [highly empathic sign, Pisces.](https://guycounseling.com/12-pisces-symbols-you-must-know/) Just a few more pieces of information about Saturn as Capricorn’s ruler. This gas giant has 62 known moons – that’s right – 62! This is important to know because similar to Saturn, the Capricorn man can act as like a mental vacuum,  picking up bits of information from all who he encounters and saving it to long term memory. It is for this reason that Capricorn’s have such excellent recall with an uncanny ability to remember the smallest details from those who he encounters. According to ancient texts, recorded in the narrative of an [anaphoric clock](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1600-0498.1953.tb00528.x/abstract), Capricorn is considered a Cardinal sign. Let me assure you that Cardinal signs are very rare. There are only four such signs, which include: Aries, [Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/4-cancer-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/), Libra and Capricorn respectively. Cardinal signs are thought to have the power to change. Because each Cardinal sign is close to a seasonal equinox, it harbors the energy of transformation. In the case of Capricorn, this Zodiac sign has the ability to motivate others in areas of career and romance. It also has the ability to influence the minds of others in an empathic way, stirring deep thought and reflection. Remember, Capricorns are born between the dates of December 22 – January 19. It is no coincidence that the [winter equinox](http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/december-solstice.html) also begins around this exact time. ![Capricorn love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Capricorn-love.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Capricorn men can be very passionate in love ## **Capricorn Powers of Love** So what specific powers do Capricorn men hold? Well, depending upon the circumstances, Capricorn men have the power to make you fall in love with them. We’re not talking about mere infatuation either but instead, full on, head over heels love. Part of this ability comes from Capricorn’s energy and part of it comes from this sign’s ability to penetrate the psyche and cause those whom it encounters to get in touch with deep, once forgotten feelings. Bear in mind that Capricorn forgets nothing and once it taps into the private parts of your soul, it will expose them. That may seem far-fetched but talk to anyone who has been involved with a Capricorn male and you will find this to be true. ## **Capricorn Equals Stability** Finally under this point, Capricorn men are down to earth, practical and success driven. Unlike other signs which tend to have their heads in the clouds, such as the water signs, Capricorn is much more grounded. Perhaps this is why it is considered an earth sign. Capricorns are the professionals – the business people of the astrological Zodiac. They are not interested in taking huge risks or jeopardizing all they have worked for.  When you think of Capricorn, think of stability and strength. Capricorn men in particular are wrongly accused of being too conservative and too traditional. It’s simply not true. Instead, Capricorn prefers the familiar and is perfectly capable of stepping outside of its comfort zone – but only if it feels absolutely safe. The power of change over others for Capricorn begins in the later part of December and reaches its zenith towards the end of January. As the year goes on, its powers recede until the cycle starts up again at the calendar’s year’s end. We will now move on to the 10 primary Capricorn personality traits as illustrated through animal symbols. We’ve got a lot to cover here so let’s jump right in! ![playful otter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/otter.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Playful like the otter ### Capricorn Man Trait 1:  Playful like Sea Otters Capricorn men can be very playful, much like the Sea Otter you see in this picture. What empowers this sign’s ability to have fun is its real need to regularly chillax. Why? Because Capricorn men typically are hard workers and need to have different pathways to relaxation. One of them is play. Some people consider sea otters to be the regressive part of the Capricorn mind. ![cute goat representing capricorn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/goat.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Capricorn – Traditional Goat ### **Capricorn Man Trait 2: Hard Working Like Goats** You are no doubt very familiar with this animal because it has come to historically symbolize all Capricorns. The reason? Goats are considered to be extremely hard workers with a strong sense of focus and determination. They also have life giving powers in the form of milk. Goats can be super protective of their loved ones, similar to how Capricorn men are in relationships. There is a reason you should never corner a goat. ![Capricorn horse](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/horse.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Horses are symbolic of strength ### **Capricorn Man Trait 3: Majestic Like a Horse** Capricorn men have a certain elegance about them. Depending upon the situation, they can also come off as very regal and majestic. Some people incorrectly mistake this trait for arrogance. Instead, Capricorns have a sense of purpose about themselves. Capricorn men in particular enjoy the respect that comes with power. This is why so many of them are natural born managers and leaders. ![cute playful dolphin representing capricorn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/dolphin.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dolphins are playful ### **Capricorn Man Trait 4: Smart Like Dolphins** Men who are born under the Capricorn sign are smart. This is particularly true in the business world. If you are with a Capricorn man, he will likely take his time when making decisions. In this way, Capricorn guys are similar to dolphins. As you may know, dolphins are considered some of the most intelligent animals on the planet. ![eagle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/eagle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Eagle in flight ### **Capricorn Man Trait 5: Free Like Eagles** Perhaps one of the most endearing attributes of the Capricorn male is his ability to live free. Typically, Capricorn born people are beholden to know one. They live free spirited lives with a strong will. In this way, Capricorn men are similar to the eagles you see flying high above in the sky. Free, strong and wise. ![jaguar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/jaguar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Jaguar – a smart and wise Capricorn symbol ### **Capricorn Man Trait 6: Wise Like the Jaguar** Jaguars are very wise animals. They can see through the chaos of the moment and are emphatically able to focus in their needs. Capricorn men are very much this way in that they can bring stability to emotionally difficult moments through innate wisdom. ![bear](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/bear.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Bears are strong – like Capricorn ### **Capricorn Man Trait 7: Strong Like the Bear** Bears are known for their power and strength. Capricorn men borrow from this animal spirit in many ways. Strength through personal conviction and a strong sense of self are the primary ways Capricorn men show this ability. ![gazelle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/gazelle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Gazelle – a Capricorn symbol ### **Capricorn Man Trait 8: Agile Like the Gazelle** When necessary, Capricorn men can be very agile. Part of this has to do with the fact that this is a cardinal sign, responsible for creating change and transformation. And part of this ability has to do with an innate ability to move with speed when the situation calls for it. In this way, Capricorn can sometimes be like a Gazelle. ![Turtle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/turtle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Turtles are slow – like some Capricorn men ### **Capricorn Man Trait 9: Slow Like a Turtle** Turtles get a bad reputation sometimes for being slow but they shouldn’t. Here is why – turtles are nature’s symbolic teacher of taking time with task accomplishment. Capricorn men are masters at slowly and methodically taking their time as they move towards and ultimately achieve their goals. It is very easy to see the relationship between this sign and the turtle. ![rabbit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/rabbit.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Rabbits, like Capricorn men, can be very sexual ### **Capricorn Man Trait 10: Sexual Like the Rabbit** Rabbits are known for their cuteness but also their desire to breed. If you are connected to a Capricorn man, expect him to be very much like the rabbit – particularly during the morning hours and late evening. Capricorn men will find their “rabbit power” most intense during the winter solstice as they command the winds of change. ![liam hemsworth capricorn man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/liam-hemsworth-1.jpg?resize=560%2C340&ssl=1)Liam Hemsworth is a Capricorn ## **Famous Capricorn Men** - Liam Hemsworth - Grant Gustin - Joe Manganiello - Eddie Redmayne - [Jared Leto](https://guycounseling.com/jared-leto-looks-years-younger-real-age/) - James Earl Jones - Kevin Costner - Jason Bateman - Steve Harvey - Elvis Presley - Jason Shane Scott ## **Inviting Capricorn Sign Symbols** If you want to invite Capricorn animal sign spirits into your awareness, you will want to be open to the process of imaginative meditation. All of the creatures mentioned here will reveal themselves to you but you need to invite them without skepticism. Because you are Capricorn, you are a cardinal sign and hold great powers. These powers should not be abused, particularly when it comes to influencing others emotionally. This may have something to do with your ruling planet, Saturn. As you likely know, Saturn in considered a mysterious, mystical planet with rings. You would be wise to lean into those rings and consider them as boundaries. If left unchecked, your powers can cause much grief in your life and the lives of others. The video above provides information about the Capricorn constellation. Be sure to review this as a way of better understanding your Zodiac sign. FYI, the constellation Capricorn is one of the oldest in our solar system. ## **Capricorn Poll for Men and Women** This [poll](http://poll.fm/5iuro) is designed to let you choose which animal spirit most closely aligns with your personality. All 10 of the animals mentioned in this post have been made available. Pick the one that you think most accurately depicts who you are. While not scientific, this Capricorn poll does allow you to compare your own gifts to that of others Bear in mind that the Capricorn man myths listed below are just a sampling of the many misnomers that exist about this Zodiac sign. - Capricorn men are bad in bed - Capricorn men are super endowed - Capricorn men are controlling - Capricorn men are always great business partners - Capricorn men don’t like change - Capricorn are not good matches with other Capricorns - Capricorns are boring and uninteresting ## **Capricorn Man Compatibility Best Matches** There’s lots of information on the Internet about Capricorn compatibility but much of the material is based on wishful thinking. After carefully studying the teaching from the ancients and examining astrological alignments, the following signs seem to be “best matches” for Capricorn men. - Taurus ([Learn about Taurus here](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/)) - Scorpio ([Learn about Scorpio here](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/)) - Pisces ([Learn about Pisces here](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)) ## **Capricorn Compatibility Difficult Matches** It is a common misnomer in the world of astrology that certain signs are a “bad match”. That’s simply not true. What is more accurate is this – certain Zodiac signs will find more difficulty with other signs. This is particularly true of Capricorn. These signs are: - Libra - Aries - Leo ## **Capricorn Traits and Characteristics Book** If you are hoping to learn more about Capricorn men and the Capricorn sign in general, an excellent book to pick up is *Capricorn* by Joanna Woolfolk ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2yYrlbb)). What I like about this particular read is how the author steps into this sun sign and helps readers better understand what being born under the 10th House really means. This resource can be easily downloaded to your Kindle or other electronic reading device. I highly recommend if you are interested in learning more about what makes Capricorn tick. ## **Final Thoughts** Capricorn is a rare and wonderful sign – really. When you hear someone identify as Capricorn, think stability, loyal and loving. Makes you want to pet a little goat right now – doesn’t it? **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Capricorn, Leo, Pisces, scorpio --- ### [Leo Men: Key Traits and Characteristics](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** Table of Contents Toggle - [LEO MEN REVEALED](#LEO_MEN_REVEALED) - [LEO MEN: SIGN OVERVIEW](#LEO_MEN_SIGN_OVERVIEW) - [LEO MEN: SIGN PERSPECTIVE](#LEO_MEN_SIGN_PERSPECTIVE) - [LEO MAN PERSONALITY TRAITS](#LEO_MAN_PERSONALITY_TRAITS) - [LEO MAN PERSONALITY TRAITS EXPLAINED](#LEO_MAN_PERSONALITY_TRAITS_EXPLAINED) - [Leo Man Personality Traits](#Leo_Man_Personality_Traits) - [LEO MEN: RELATIONSHIPS AND POWERS OF LOVE](#LEO_MEN_RELATIONSHIPS_AND_POWERS_OF_LOVE) - [SEX WITH LEO MEN](#SEX_WITH_LEO_MEN) - [LEO MEN: CAREER AND FINANCES](#LEO_MEN_CAREER_AND_FINANCES) - [LEO MEN: COMPATIBILITY](#LEO_MEN_COMPATIBILITY) - [LEO SYMBOLS](#LEO_SYMBOLS) - [1. Phoenix](#1_Phoenix) - [2. Lion](#2_Lion) - [3. Owl](#3_Owl) - [4. Seal](#4_Seal) - [5. Dog](#5_Dog) - [INVITING LEO SYMBOLS](#INVITING_LEO_SYMBOLS) - [LEO SIGN VIDEO AND CONSTELLATION](#LEO_SIGN_VIDEO_AND_CONSTELLATION) - [LEO MEN POLL](#LEO_MEN_POLL) - [LEO MEN MYTHS](#LEO_MEN_MYTHS) - [LEO SIGN BOOK](#LEO_SIGN_BOOK) - [Famous Leo Men:](#Famous_Leo_Men) ## **![leo man personality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/leo-man-personality-traits-guide.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1)LEO MEN REVEALED** Are you hunting for information on **Leo men**? Trying to figure out their personality and compatibility? Are you hoping to find out if the [Leo](https://www.jstor.org/stable/30154921) guy you are like is good at dating and relationships? Finally, are you curious about what Leo men are like in bed? If you are answering yes to this question, you wouldn’t be alone. Lots of people are curious about Leo men and actively seek out whatever information they can find. If you are frequent visitor of this blog, you know that I enjoy writing about topics that are considered off the wall. Of particular interest to me are psycho-spiritual issues, like astrology and zodiac signs. Let’s be honest – who among us doesn’t occasionally glance at our horoscope online or in the daily paper? I’ve always been fascinated with Leos. There’s just something about them that draws people near. Maybe that’s why I decided to pen this article; to give you a detailed walk-through of Leo men so that you can better understand who they are. Much of what follows is based on hours of research, coupled with interviews that I’ve personally conducted with Leo guys. While you may read about this sign elsewhere, much of what you’ll see is not based on astronomy, astrology or ancient spiritual teachings. And to be clear, I’m not an astrologer. My goal isn’t to get you to spend money on a “reading” on Leo men or read your tarot cards. In truth, I genuinely enjoy writing about these topics for reasons that I don’t fully understand. ## **LEO MEN: SIGN OVERVIEW** Leo is the fifth house of the zodiac. That may not mean much to you but in the world of astrology, it’s kind of a big deal. You see each of the 12 zodiac signs has its own home, dispersed throughout the astrological universe. Within each “house” are various traits and magical powers. In the case of Leo men, we see the gifts of pleasure and creativity. If you are Leo (man or woman), it is important to know that your sign is somewhat rare. Although the numbers are somewhat scattered, we think that only 7% of the world’s population is Leo. There are more men born under the Leo sign than woman for reasons we do not fully understand. Later in this article, I’m going to give you a detailed breakdown of Leo symbols with key information about this Zodiac sign you may not know. The material has been infused with wisdom from the ancients, using various spirit animals to highlight key traits. At this end of this post, Ive included a poll that asks you to identify your experience with Leo men. ![leo symbols](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/leo-signs.jpg?resize=487%2C334&ssl=1)Leo Symbols ## **LEO MEN: SIGN PERSPECTIVE** First, you need to know that I am not a Leo but instead, a Scorpio. So you may be wondering what qualifies me to write about Leo? Well, in a nutshell, water signs (like Scorpio) hold certain abilities that allow us to intuit psycho-spiritual information. I’m sharing this with you because you have the right to know who is writing this material and by extension, what their star sign is. If you want to know more about Scorpio and other water signs, click the link below. **More:** [Cancer and Scorpio compatibility](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/) As an aside, I am mentioning my sign not because Scorpio’s are “better” than Leo (or any other sign). Instead, the disclosure is meant as a way of creating transparency so that when material is offered on Leo men – you know it came from a genuine place. Think about it – don’t you want someone other than a Leo to write up these traits? Because all of us tend to be bias towards our own signs, it’s far better to have a neutral party here. OK, let’s move on now to Leo characteristics and traits! ![leo men facts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/leo-quick-facts.jpg?resize=600%2C300&ssl=1 "leo men facts")Leo Men: Quick Snapshot ## **LEO MAN PERSONALITY TRAITS** **Leo Sign: July 23 – August 22** Positive Traits - Warm and gentle - Kind hearted - Charming (big time) - Cheerful - Passionate - Highly creative - Generous - Artistic at times - Resourceful Negative Traits - Sometimes arrogant - Lazy streak - Difficulty with change - Inflexible - Accused of being self-centered ![leo men planet is the sun](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Leo-sun.jpg?resize=547%2C308&ssl=1)Leo men are ruled by the sun ## **LEO MAN PERSONALITY TRAITS EXPLAINED** Leo is a *fixed* Fire sign ruled by the sun, which happens to be at the center of our solar system – approximately [92.96 million miles](http://www.nasa.gov/audience/foreducators/k-4/features/F_Measuring_the_Distance_Student_Pages.html) from earth. It is for this reason that Leo men command such power. Not only is the sun the brightest object in our solar system, it also happens to be the largest celestial body in our star system. Leo men personalities are much like the sun. They are big, bold and naturally attract attention. Unlike other signs who at times struggle with revealing who they are (aka water signs), Leo guys have no problem in this area. It is the enormous power of the sun, which the Greeks referred to as *Helios*, that gives men born under the Leo symbol such magnetism. And this makes sense when you consider that our sun has one of the biggest magnets known to mankind. As mentioned earlier, Leo is a Fire sign, joining Sagittarius and Aries. By definition, Fire signs are filled with passion, intuition and spontaneity. They also can be impulsive. Leo is also a *fixed* sign. In a nutshell, fixed signs are generally stable and can be resistant to change. There are only four fixed signs; Leo, Scorpio, [Taurus](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) and Aquarius, respectively. Let’s walk through the special gifts of Leo men and then move on to the five Leo symbols. ## Leo Man Personality Traits | Leo Male Trait | Positive | Negative | Strength of Trait | |---|---|---|---| | Charming | x | | High | | Self-focused | | x | Medium | | Generous | x | x | High | | Showboats | | x | Medium | | Creative | x | | High | | Loyal | x | | High | | Creative | x | | High | | Outgoing | x | | High | | Stability | x | | Medium | | Uninhibited | x | x | High | | Extroverted | x | x | Low-Medium | ## **LEO MEN: RELATIONSHIPS AND POWERS OF LOVE** It is no coincidence that Leo is a sign that begins towards the end of July – around the same time that the sun’s heat is most intense for most of earth’s upper hemisphere. In scientific terms, this is a period known as the summer solstice. Empowered by sheer energy, Leo men have the ability to hypnotically make others fall in love with them by merely being in their presence. This may seem like hyperbole and over the top but it also happens to be true. All of this goes back to Leo’s ruler, the sun, which is all about magnetism and “pull”. And because Leo is a fixed sign that is resistant to change, those born under this Zodiac know exactly what they want. These are not “wishy washy” people. Once a Leo man commits to you in a relationship, he’s going to be extremely loyal and fiercely protective. However, because Leo men crave attention, they also can push boundaries by being overly flirtatious. If you are a possessive sign, such as Scorpio or [Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/), it’s important to keep this in mind. ## **SEX WITH LEO MEN** Leo men, for better or worse, happen to be a very sexual in the physical and spiritual sense. Based on my research and interviews, they make for passionate lovers and enjoy pleasing their partners. Being intimate with a Leo man is as much about being in a “show” as it is an experience. That’s because Leo guys gravitate towards exhibitionism, making themselves the locus of attention. But Leo men also are eager to please and will hone in on your erogenous zones, going in for “the kill” – similar to how a lion might chase after its prey. ## **LEO MEN: CAREER AND FINANCES** Leo men like stability and are attracted towards careers that offer longevity. This point is particularly true later in life, where financial security is critical to survival. Generally speaking, Leo males are strong leaders. As such, you will often find them in command positions. These include business, finance, politics and entertainment. If given their druthers, Leo males prefer to be their own boss. It’s not that they don’t like working for others. Instead, because of a passionate entrepreneurial spirit, they like doing for themselves. Lastly on this point – Leos men are good with money. While they are sometimes accused of spending lavishly, the truth is most Leo males much prefer to sock away money for a rainy day. In this way, they are similar to [Capricorn men](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/). Again, this is a fixed sign that is resistant to change. Financial insecurity isn’t part of the Leo repertoire. ## **LEO MEN: COMPATIBILITY** Many wonder about the compatibility of Leo men. Well, the truth is this sign generally does well with other fire signs; meaning Aries and Sagittarius. There are a number of reasons for this but the big one relates to their intuitive understanding of one another. I’ll break down the different areas of compatibility, according to relationship type. Leo men compatibility romantic love: - Aries - Sagittarius - Leo Leo men compatibility sex: - Pisces - Scorpio - Taurus Leo men compatibility business: - Pisces - Taurus - Aries You may be wondering why Pisces was listed as a good sexual partner for Leo guys? Without going into too much detail, Pisces is a zodiac sign that is all about pleasure and service. It’s just a natural fit for Leo people. ![leo sun sign traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/leo-sun-signs.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo Sun sign ## **LEO SYMBOLS** Now that you have a general overview of Leo men, it’s time to take a look at the five symbols associated with sign. There are five in total with one of them likely familiar to you. With each symbol, which are spirit animals (aka life animals), you will also find additional Leo traits and characteristics. **Related:** [Pisces men revealed](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) Be sure to review them carefully. If you feel that you gravitate towards one symbol more than another, you should call upon that animal spirit to help guide you on your path. At the end, you’ll find a poll that allows you to vote for which Leo symbol most resonates with you. ![leo sign symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/phoenix-500469_640.jpg?resize=300%2C225&ssl=1)Leo Sign Symbol: Phoenix ## 1. Phoenix The mythical sexual powers of Leo are legendary. Because a phoenix is known to rise towards the sun, it channels sexual energy in the process. Many Leo’s “soar” in an effort to sexually please their mates. ![leo lion](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/lion.jpg?resize=300%2C200&ssl=1)Leo Sign Symbol: Lion ## 2. Lion Perhaps the sign most connected to Leo. Lions are skilled hunters and fiercely protective of family. They also are very intuitive. Finally, Lions are called “kings” for a reason – they like to rule. ![Owl tattoos symbolism meaning](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Owl-tattoos-symbolism-meaning.jpg?resize=300%2C188&ssl=1)Leo Sign Symbol: Owl ## 3. Owl When you consider that owls have been historically [tied to wisdom](https://guycounseling.com/owl-tattoos-learn-their-symbolism-and-meaning/), it makes sense that one of the five Leo symbols would be an owl. In fact, wisdom, gained through experience, is a major trait of Leo. ![seal sign of cancer zodiac](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seal-sign-of-cancer-zodiac.jpg?resize=300%2C197&ssl=1)Leo Sign Symbol: Seal ## **4. Seal** Seals are all about fun. But they are also vulnerable. In many ways, that’s how Leos can be, combining playfulness with openness as part of their personality. ![Pisces Dog](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Pisces-Dog.jpg?resize=300%2C199&ssl=1)Leo Symbol: Dog ## **5. Dog** Dogs are thought of for their ability to act as good companions. This is true of Leo signs, who like their canine friends tend to be loyal and focused. To a lesser or greater degree, dogs also can be empathic. ## **INVITING LEO SYMBOLS** If you want to invite any of the Leo symbols into your awareness, you will need to be open to the meditative process and certain aspects of dream interpretation. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0875420281&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0875420281/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0875420281&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=3948807580f5dad8a5fd1263e3e301c5)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0875420281)Each of these animals have their own special message; something you can only receive from them on an alternative channel of consciousness. The book, Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, is a great one to pick up if you are new to the world of spirit animals. ## **LEO SIGN VIDEO AND CONSTELLATION** If you would like to learn more about the Leo symbol and its origins, be sure to check out the video above that goes into deep detail. ## **LEO MEN POLL** The Leo men poll below is designed to let you identify your personal experience with this sign. While not designed to be scientific, the results may help you to better understand how your fellow Leos see themselves. ## **LEO MEN MYTHS** There are many myths attached to Leos males and most all of them are false. Still, people buy into these misnomers because they’ve read something from an astrologer that’s not grounded in fact. Here are a few of the “biggies”: - Leo men aren’t loyal - Leo men are bad in bed - Leo males make for bad business leaders - Leo guys are sexually lazy - Leo men are always a good match for other air signs - Leo males are sexually frustrated ## **LEO SIGN BOOK** If you are interested in learning more about Leo men and other signs, I encourage you to pick up a copy of the book: *Astrology Made Simple* ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2osMrJH)). It’s a great resource for beginners and for folks who are just interested in learning more about their zodiac. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=162315653X&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/162315653X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=162315653X&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=3935b846fb7c966276a6ae0e05fa3b17)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=162315653X)What’s great about this read are the insights related to how signs like Leo relate to the world. You should be able to download this directly onto your portable device. ## **Famous Leo Men:** - Ben Affleck - Chris Hemsworth - Kobe Bryant - Christian Slater - Barrack Obama - Tony Bennett - Sean Penn - John Stamos - Magic Johnson That’s it on Leo men. I hope you found this article helpful! **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Cancer, Caprocorn, Leo, Pisces, scorpio, Taurus, Zodiac --- ### [25 Truths About The Libra Man In Love And Sex!](https://guycounseling.com/libra-man-personality-traits/) **Published:** December 22, 2022 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![libra man personality love relationships bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/libra-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Libra man revealed Table of Contents Toggle - [The Libra Man in Love Revealed!](#The_Libra_Man_in_Love_Revealed) - [1. Style matters](#1_Style_matters) - [2. We have trouble putting ourselves first](#2_We_have_trouble_putting_ourselves_first) - [3. We take commitment seriously](#3_We_take_commitment_seriously) - [4. Get ready to be swept off your feet](#4_Get_ready_to_be_swept_off_your_feet) - [5. We sometimes struggle with confidence](#5_We_sometimes_struggle_with_confidence) - [6. We don’t cheat or give up on relationships](#6_We_dont_cheat_or_give_up_on_relationships) - [7. Keeping things positive is important](#7_Keeping_things_positive_is_important) - [8. Indecisiveness can get tricky](#8_Indecisiveness_can_get_tricky) - [9. Gifts and surprises always make us happy](#9_Gifts_and_surprises_always_make_us_happy) - [10. We care about fairness](#10_We_care_about_fairness) - [11. We love partners who balance out our weaknesses](#11_We_love_partners_who_balance_out_our_weaknesses) - [12. We can get a little entitled](#12_We_can_get_a_little_entitled) - [13. Routine helps balance our energetic side](#13_Routine_helps_balance_our_energetic_side) - [14. Some people like to call us justice warriors](#14_Some_people_like_to_call_us_justice_warriors) - [15. We’re social butterflies](#15_Were_social_butterflies) - [16. We love appreciating your good qualities](#16_We_love_appreciating_your_good_qualities) - [17. We’re constantly pushing forward](#17_Were_constantly_pushing_forward) - [18. We’re great in bed (just saying)](#18_Were_great_in_bed_just_saying) - [19. Gossip turns us off](#19_Gossip_turns_us_off) - [20. We struggle with confrontation](#20_We_struggle_with_confrontation) - [21. Sometimes our expectations get out of hand](#21_Sometimes_our_expectations_get_out_of_hand) - [22. Clean and comfy spaces are important to us](#22_Clean_and_comfy_spaces_are_important_to_us) - [23. We struggle to work on ourselves](#23_We_struggle_to_work_on_ourselves) - [24. We like to spend money](#24_We_like_to_spend_money) - [25. You can let your guard down with us](#25_You_can_let_your_guard_down_with_us) - [Libra Man Summed Up](#Libra_Man_Summed_Up) ## The Libra Man in Love Revealed! Are you hunting for information on the [Libra](https://www.constellation-guide.com/constellation-list/libra-constellation/) man? Hoping to understand how they vibe in love and relationships? Do you want to know what Libra guys are like in bed? If the answer is yes, you have landed on the right page. That’s because this page is all about the Libra man. As an air sign, the Libra guys usually come off as breezy and easy-going. But I’m here to tell you there’s much more to us than meets the eye. **Yep, that’s right. I’m a Libra man.** If you find yourself attracted to a stylish Libra, you’re not alone – many people are charmed by our highly social nature and impeccable taste. I’ve found that a lot of the information out there on our sign can be confusing. That’s why I’m putting this guide together, so you can better understand the Libra man in your life. Whether you’re exploring a burgeoning crush or want to dive deep into your long-term partner’s personality traits, I hope this article will give you a better understanding of what makes our sign tick. I should be clear that I’m not an astrologer or a psychic – but I am someone who’s highly fascinated by astrology. With a little help from our [resident shaman](https://guycounseling.com/author/dwolf/), I put together this piece as an ultimate guide. So, if you want to know how Libra men are in love and relationships – plus their personality traits, here’s everything you need to know. ![libra man style](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/libra-man-style.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)For Libra males, style matters ## 1. Style matters There are plenty of guys who only care about what’s on the inside, but unfortunately, your Libra guy isn’t going to be one of them. Libra is ruled by Venus, which is the planet of money and beauty. This means we love finding a date that looks just as good as we do – or better! However, it’s about more than just looks. We love finding someone with impeccable taste in art, décor, fashion, and the finer things in life. ## 2. We have trouble putting ourselves first Libras are naturally people pleasers – we love seeing the people we care about happy. Because of this, we often find it difficult to attend to our personal needs and can end up feeling drained. Dating a Libra can be amazing, because they’ll be naturally inclined to cater to your every whim. But if you really want to make them happy, ask them how they’re doing for a change. ## 3. We take commitment seriously Nowadays, there are so many guys out there who only want casual hookups, but this really isn’t true for us Libra men. I know personally that when I meet a girl that really catches my attention, I’m not thinking about friends with benefits, I’m thinking about a long-term partner that I could potentially marry. It takes a really special person to get to this point, but when it happens, I know right away. This can be scary but know that he doesn’t take this lightly. The Saturn influence in our chart means that we have the capacity to slow down and take a breather when we want to. However, I’ve found that in most cases, it works out better to know where I stand right away, instead of dancing around the ‘what are we’ question for months on end. Let us know if we need to take our foot off the breaks – but know if there’s no potential for a future, I might move on so I can find a relationship that will last. ## 4. Get ready to be swept off your feet If you like to be wined and dined, dating a Libra guy is certainly going to make you happy. We have great taste, and we love sharing it with you. Not only will we take you to the best restaurants and bars, but we’re constantly on the hunt for impressive new events and locations to take you to. We also love to keep things classy, with sophisticated conversation and good manners. Get ready to put on your favorite dress and heels! ## 5. We sometimes struggle with confidence Although Libra men have impeccable taste, **we don’t always have the most confidence in ourselves** or our abilities. We get caught up in moments of self-doubt a little more often than we’d like to admit, and sometimes we need verification from the outside world that we’re worth it. We appreciate kind words, but PDA can be just as effective – it shows others how much you value us, which satisfies our need to appear desirable. ![Libra men and trust ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/taurus-and-scorpio.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)We aren’t cheaters ## 6. We don’t cheat or give up on relationships **Libra men** are incredibly loyal, and most of us can’t even fathom cheating on our partners. When we say we’re committed, we’re committed, and **we mean it**. However, sometimes we stay in relationships that aren’t working for too long, just because we don’t want to give up on something we care about. If things aren’t working out, you may have to be the one to do the breaking up – just be sure to let us down gently! ## 7. Keeping things positive is important If you need a little sunshine in your life, look no further than the Libra guy. Although we have moods just like everyone else, we really try to keep things positive most of the time. We take a glass half full approach and are always looking for the next exciting challenge. In this way, we are similar to Aquarius (see this post on the [Aquarius man personality](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/)). We’re not difficult to please, and we love to see and appreciate the positive qualities that our partner offers. If you’re on the pessimistic side, a Libra man can balance you out perfectly – you provide a dose of realism to our upbeat energy. ## 8. Indecisiveness can get tricky As the sign of the scales, we’re always looking to find balance in our life, and there’s nothing more satisfying to us than making a list of pros and cons. However, we often find ourselves feeling indecisive, and this has frustrated many a partner in my experience. We like to keep all our options open when making any kind of decision, because we’re prone to changing our mind later on. Whether it’s something big like a career move or something smaller, like where to go on vacation, just give us a little breathing room to think it through, because once we commit, we take it seriously. ## 9. Gifts and surprises always make us happy Since we love the finer things in life, gifts are definitely one of the ways to our heart. You don’t need to spend a lot of money, but we always appreciate when you have good taste and pay attention to the things we want and need. Even just leaving a sweet little note or cooking a nice dinner will make a big impression. ## 10. We care about fairness It’s hard for us to let it go when we see something as unfair. When we notice something unjust in the world, our natural instinct as a Libra is to want to correct it, to create balance and harmony. If we get into an argument with our partner, we’ll subconsciously want to find a fair outcome. Understanding this can go a long way towards peace and harmony in our relationship. ![air signs men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Libras offer balance ## 11. We love partners who balance out our weaknesses The saying that opposites attract is really true for a Libra man. Just because I’m social doesn’t mean I want a social partner – I really value the benefit that spending time with an introvert can bring me. If you’re dating a Libra guy, don’t feel like you have to conform to his tastes. He’ll actually appreciate it more if you embrace your strong, beautiful self. While dating can be a wildcard, I have found we are most compatible with Gemini and [Sagittarius](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-personality/). ## 12. We can get a little entitled It’s not easy to admit, but as a Libra, I often myself refusing to settle for anything less than the best. It’s hard for us to accept a slice of humble pie when we need it. If you need to serve your guy a dose of reality in your relationship, be prepared for some tension, but don’t be afraid to stand your ground. We hate conflict and we love to please people, so if you make a good case, we’ll soon understand and work through it. ## 13. Routine helps balance our energetic side Although we like to get out and enjoy the finer things in life, us Libra guys rely on a regular schedule to keep our emotions in check. Things like going for a run every morning or playing a video game every night before bed help us process and de-stress, so we can be more personally content and be a better partner too. Just don’t get in the way of our routines, because we might get a little grouchy. ## 14. Some people like to call us justice warriors Because fairness is so important to us, we often find ourselves taking on causes we find important to us. We love to volunteer and frequently get drawn into protests and community events. As our partner, we really love it when you support the causes that we care about. It shows us that you care about who we are below the surface. If this energy gets a little overwhelming at times, know that it’s very genuine. ## 15. We’re social butterflies Libras are naturally charming, and we love to be around other people. I know I’m a classic extrovert – I start to feel drained if I spend too much time alone. Those early dates with a Libra guy won’t feel awkward the way they might with some other signs, because we’re excellent conversationalists. You also might find that being in a long-term relationship with a Libra leads to some new friendships for you as well. We’ll introduce you to our entire circles, and we love helping others connect. The downside to this? I’m not proud of it, but we’re **master social manipulators**, which means your Libra guy is capable of manipulating you to get what he wants. Stand your ground and let him know you see through it, and we’ll respect that strength. ## 16. We love appreciating your good qualities Many men only focus on the big picture, but not Libra – we’re always looking at the details. We’re naturally observant and always in tune with our environment. This point is particularly true once we’ve established an emotional bond. The trait of appreciation really shines through in our relationships, because we love noticing and learning new things about you. And here is the thing – when you open up to us, you’ll be able to intuitively know that are care is genuine. ## 17. We’re constantly pushing forward Libras are not content just staying stagnant in any aspect of life. As an air sign and a cardinal sign, the wind is always blowing us forward, and looking for new opportunities is natural for us. We’re always looking for that next promotion at work and keeping an eye out for a nicer apartment – but that also means we’re looking to move our relationship to the next stage. If you’re not ready to keep things progressing, we might eventually move on to someone else. ## 18. We’re great in bed (just saying) Don’t get us wrong – we really enjoy sexy time, and we’re great at it too. Your Libra man is going to be a **very attentive lover** and is always going to be looking for new ways to please you and have fun. However, stimulating you isn’t everything for us. We’d much rather focus on finding a complete connection with someone else than just having fun in bed. In this way, we are like Scorpio but there are some differences. Read this post to learn more about [the Scorpio man personality](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/). ## 19. Gossip turns us off Although we’re very social, we do like to keep it classy, and we expect the same attitude from our partners. You might be tempted to gossip about a coworker or acquaintance to us, but you’d be better off saving it for one of your girlfriends. We tend to look at gossiping as a sign of poor taste. ## 20. We struggle with confrontation Because of our indecisive, people pleasing nature, confrontation is one of the hardest things in the world for us Libra guys. I’d rather do almost anything else than confront someone about a problem, even if I know I’m in the right. If you have to have a difficult conversation with your Libra guy, approach it gently. If he feels attacked, he’ll retreat, and it will be difficult for the two of you to be productive. You should also know he’ll be very unlikely to bring up a problem if he has one, so you might have to be the one to initiate that tough conversation. ![Libras and confidence](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/young-attractive-couple-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)We sometimes struggle with confidence ## 21. Sometimes our expectations get out of hand Libra males have a very **natural tendency to be hopeless romantic**s, and this can sometimes make it hard for us to see the world realistically. We love appreciating your good qualities, but we can sometimes set very high expectations for our partner without even realizing it. When we’re charmed by someone, we start thinking of all the incredible possibilities of a relationship with them, and we might need you to bring us back down to earth. But if you are the type who likes getting love letters and thought of in special ways, we’ll probably be a good match. ## 22. Clean and comfy spaces are important to us When you make your way back to a Libra guy’s home, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to see that **our spaces are clean, organized, and stylish**. We like order and beauty in our space, because it makes us feel more at home. If you’re preparing to move in together, you can expect your guy to [be a little OCD](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-ocd-every-day/) about keeping it clean and looking nice – but he’ll also use his great taste to put together a stunning space for you both. ## 23. We struggle to work on ourselves Since we’re so externally motivated, it gets difficult for us Libra guys to make personal improvements. We don’t like diving deep into our psyches, because we’d rather focus on yours. If you want your Libra to take steps towards personal growth, be gently encouraging, but above all, be patient. ## 24. We like to spend money With such an appreciation for aesthetic beauty, sometimes we make purchases that might not seem the smartest to the outside observer, like sleek new car or designer clothes. However, the true pleasure we derive from these objects makes it feel worth it to us. Although we make the odd frivolous purchase, we still know how to manage money, and make smart career choices so we can afford these material things. The trait I’m describing here can be a good or bad thing. If you are looking for a saver, [the Capricorn man](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-personality/) might be a better match. ## 25. You can let your guard down with us I’ve noticed that many women like to go into a new relationship with their guard up – and for good reason. Many guys have the potential to really hurt you without even realizing it. However, as a people-oriented Libra, I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, and being open with me is only going to make the relationship better. Problems in a relationship with a Libra guy tend to stem from misunderstanding or his personal indecisiveness, not malicious or insensitive actions. \[poll id=”19″\] ## Libra Man Summed Up Just like every sign in the zodiac, Libras are complex, and although loving us comes with its challenges, there’s lots to enjoy as well. Dating a Libra male requires some patience, but you’ll enjoy his attentiveness and good taste. Although he can be indecisive at first, once he decides you’re the one, you’ll never have to doubt his commitment. If you are interested in learning more about astrology and personality types, I highly recommend the book Astrology for the Soul ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2V5yvKS)). Inside, you’ll learn a lot about each zodiac and why some match best with others. Thanks for stopping by. — **Related posts:** [Learn all about the Pisces man](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) [The personality of Taurus men](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Horoscope, Jung, Libra, Personality, Zodiac --- ### [7 Ways Scorpio and Cancer Match!](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/) **Published:** December 23, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![cancer and Scorpio compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/cancer-and-scoprio.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer and Scorpio Relationship Compatibility Table of Contents Toggle - [A look at the match between Scorpio and Cancer](#A_look_at_the_match_between_Scorpio_and_Cancer) - [Scorpio and Cancer Compatibility ](#Scorpio_and_Cancer_Compatibility) - [Traits of Cancer and Scorpio](#Traits_of_Cancer_and_Scorpio) - [Cancer: June 22 – July 22](#Cancer_June_22_%E2%80%93_July_22) - [Scorpio: October 23 – November 21](#Scorpio_October_23_%E2%80%93_November_21) - [Main Scorpio Traits Include (Positive and Negative)](#Main_Scorpio_Traits_Include_Positive_and_Negative) - [Water Signs Primer](#Water_Signs_Primer) - [Why Cancer and Scorpio Match](#Why_Cancer_and_Scorpio_Match) - [1. Sexual Energy Between Cancers and Scorpios](#1_Sexual_Energy_Between_Cancers_and_Scorpios) - [The Moon’s Impact On Scorpios and Cancers](#The_Moons_Impact_On_Scorpios_and_Cancers) - [“Scorpio and Cancer put a high premium on emotional bonding”](#%E2%80%9CScorpio_and_Cancer_put_a_high_premium_on_emotional_bonding%E2%80%9D) - [2. Love Between Cancer and Scorpio](#2_Love_Between_Cancer_and_Scorpio) - [3. Do Scorpio and Cancer Share Trust?](#3_Do_Scorpio_and_Cancer_Share_Trust) - [“Both signs can intuit dishonesty”](#%E2%80%9CBoth_signs_can_intuit_dishonesty%E2%80%9D) - [4. Communication Between Both Signs](#4_Communication_Between_Both_Signs) - [5. Intellect Match – Crab and Scorpion](#5_Intellect_Match_%E2%80%93_Crab_and_Scorpion) - [6. Money Matters ](#6_Money_Matters) - [7. Shared Interests Cancers and Scorpios](#7_Shared_Interests_Cancers_and_Scorpios) - [Key Considerations for Scorpio and Cancer](#Key_Considerations_for_Scorpio_and_Cancer) - [Why Cancer and Scorpio match in relationships](#Why_Cancer_and_Scorpio_match_in_relationships) - [Summary of Cancer and Scorpio](#Summary_of_Cancer_and_Scorpio) ## **A look at the match between Scorpio and Cancer** We often hear that Scorpio and Cancer are a good match but few reasons are given why. Is there any truth behind the buzz? Moreover, do the two water signs really vibe? If you are searching for the answers, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this post is all about Scorpio and Cancer with unique insight you’ll find nowhere else. **In this article, you will learn:** - The shared traits of Scorpio and Cancer - Scorpio’s unique characteristics - The special attributes of Cancer - How the two water signs interact - The influence of the moon on each zodiac - 7 ways Scorpio and Cancer are compatible Before diving too deep, you have a right to know is writing this piece. I’ll be direct. I am not an astrologer or psychic. Instead, I am a Scorpio man who has been formally trained in psychology. For reasons that are beyond my awareness, I am drawn to the world of ancient mysticism. What you see here is a product of that interest. Using concepts from [Jungian psychology](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1954-05151-000), (Jung, 1953), I write about signs like Scorpio and Cancer as pathways to self-insight. At times, I draw upon aspects of psycho-spiritualism; a term used to describe the blending of psychology and spirituality. ## ![scorpio and cancer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/scorpio-and-cancer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio and Cancer Compatibility  As part of my research, I’ve discovered that not all signs are a good match for Scorpio. On the flipside, I’ve also learned that Cancer doesn’t always fit well with other Zodiacs. Let’s be honest. Scorpio is one of the most misunderstood signs in astrology. It gets tagged with being highly sexual, overly possessive, and vengeful. [See this post on the Scorpio man in love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/). On the other hand, Cancer is a feeler. It’s pegged with being overly emotional, highly empathic and protective. But are the stereotypes about these signs true? You are about to find out. As you continue reading below, bear in mind that the material presented is gender neutral, focusing only on the pairing between Scorpio and Cancer. My promise to you as a website visitor is to share information that is straight forward, unfiltered and devoid of astro-babble. The ancients didn’t make their teachings complicated and I’m not going to either. Woven into this post are practical tips on how to best handle Scorpio and Cancer relationships. A video on water signs has also been included; something I’d like you to watch to gain greater insight. Let’s first look at a chart of primary traits. Take note of the similarities and differences. This will serve as a foundation for all that follows. Afterward, we’ll explore each sign individually and examine how Scorpio and Cancer match in 7 unique life areas. ## Traits of Cancer and Scorpio | TRAIT | CANCER | SCORPIO | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | x | x | | Intuitive | x | x | | Protective | x | x | | Dominant | | x | | Impacted by moon | x | x | | Caretaking | x | | | Imaginative | x | | | Loyal | x | x | | Feelers | x | x | ![cancer and Scorpio matches](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/cancer-and-scorpio-matches.jpg?resize=500%2C500&ssl=1)Cancer likes other water signs ## Cancer: June 22 – July 22 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Cancers are born into the “Fourth House” of the astrological universe. That’s a fancy term used to describe a symbolic structure that holds karmic traits. If you were to walk into Cancer’s house, you would sense the presence of energy representing security, caretaking, compassion and empathy. Maternal light is also said to emanate from this house. The crab is exclusively ruled by our moon, located some 29,000 miles from where you are right now. It is from this celestial body that Cancer’s powers are derived. ([See Cancer man traits](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/)). According to ancient teachings, the moon represents deeply held beliefs, instincts and the unconscious. Per legend, it also infuses Cancer born people with strange psychic powers (Orion, 2007). **Main Cancer Traits** **Include** **(Positive and Negative):** - Compassionate - Super protective - Talkative - Prone to worrying - Highly empathic - Sometimes pessimistic - Animal lover - Clingy - Family oriented - Weak verbal filter - Warm personality - Can be reclusive - Loyal ![Scorpio and cancer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio1.jpg?resize=480%2C480&ssl=1)Scorpio in Neon ## Scorpio: October 23 – November 21 Individuals who are born under the Scorpio sign fall into the “Eight House” of the Zodiac. If you were to walk through its front door, you would find energy forms floating about that sybolize intimacy, logic, bonding, and mystery. Pluto and Mars rule Scorpio. Mars, considered a “hot” planet, is fourth in distance from our sun. Pluto, located some 737 million from earth, is much further out. It is considered the last planetoid in our solar system. It’s also the coldest and most puzzling to astronomers. Mars, around 141 million miles from the sun, symbolizes energy, desire, passion, and action. According to alcimists, Pluto vibes out secrecy, death, mystery, obsessiveness, and reinvention. ### **Main Scorpio Traits Include (Positive and Negative)** - Curious - Logical - Empathic - Highly sexual - Disconnected - Mysterious - Intense - Dominant - Reclusive - Distrustful - Jealous - Loyal ## Water Signs Primer Both Cancer and Scorpio are are represented by the natural element of water. At their core, water signs are thought to be: - Highly intuitive, - Empathic and; - Emotionally deep. There are only three such signs: Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces respectively ([see Pisces sign](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)). It’s important you know that not all water signs are the same. **Cancer** is a *cardinal sign*; meaning it has the power to initiate and adapt. They are energetic, enthusiastic and compassionate. **Scorpio** is a *fixed sign*; meaning it is accustomed to ritual and doesn’t like change. Think stability and familiarity. **Pisces** is a mutable sign. They are good with change and go with the flow. ![How Scorpio and Cancer match](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-planets-in-the-universe.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)How Scorpio and Cancer match ## Why Cancer and Scorpio Match Now that you have the essential traits of Scorpio and Cancer, let’s look at the specific reasons why they match. As you read through each area, notice how one compliments the other. ## 1. Sexual Energy Between Cancers and Scorpios To be blunt, Scorpio and Cancer put a high premium on emotional bonding. But in the privacy of the bedroom, the two vibrate at different frequencies. Guided by the heat of Mars, Scorpio is usually dominant and intense. Many signs cannot handle this type of energy because it’s “too much”. Tapping into Pluto’s gravitational waves, Scorpio also cloaks emotions, holding back true feelings. Cancers, empathic and intuitive, are uniquely equipped to handle Scorpion sexual energy. That’s because Cancerians are born with a centering chip that balances Scorpio’s wild fluctuations. If Cancer is able to get Scorpio to reveal emotionally and then connect, the end result is often powerful. Without that bond, nothing else can happen. That said, the physical energy between both signs is often extreme. Once the two are emotionally linked, there’s no need for small-talk as a buildup to intimacy. Initiation of mating is intuitive. Conversation during bedroom time usually isn’t necessary. That’s because both signs can empathically read one another in an almost supernatural way. Cancer has one advantage over Scorpio. It can easily “see” through Scorpion defenses and center into arousal zones. This disarms Scorpio and paradoxically pulls the sign into Cancer’s snares. ### **The Moon’s Impact On Scorpios and Cancers** It’s important to note that because both are water signs, they are heavily influenced by the moon. Much of this has to do with astrophysics and the lunar effect on oceanic tides. So how does it work? It’s simple. During full moon, Cancerians are able to seduce Scorpio into a place of submissiveness; the complete opposite of its usual dominant persona. Also during full moon, when the lunar tides are most high, an energy field is generated causing an erotic effect on both Zodiacs. During this short monthly window, physical attraction and sexual energy reach their peak. Mating is often spontaneous, powerful, and explosive. When you think about the bedroom pairing of these two signs, conjure up mental pictures of passion. > ## **“Scorpio and Cancer put a high premium on emotional bonding”** ![Moon and water signs: cancer, Scorpio and pisces ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saturn-moons.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)The moon influences all water signs ## 2. Love Between Cancer and Scorpio Cancer is one of the most loving signs in astrology. A born caretaker, it thrives on helping others and making them feel relaxed. This is a double edged sword for Cancerians. That’s because they often care *too much* and sacrifice self-care in the process. The less emotionally revealing a person is, the more Cancer is drawn in. The moon, acting as a cosmic force, pushes Cancer to seek out and bond with people who live complicated lives. This is where Scorpio enters the picture; a sign that is arguably one of the most perplexing in the galaxy. Pulsating out light from mars and darkness from pluto, Cancer is drawn to Scorpio magnetically. Conversely, Scorpio finds comfort and solace from Cancer; a gift the moon gives to all Cancerian born people. When it comes to love, Cancer and Scorpio match in two ways: 1) emotionally and 2) intuitively. There also exists a deep spiritual connection. Because they are water signs, both are able to “dive deep” into one another’s hearts. When Scorpio enters an obsessive cycle, which happens often, Cancer offers balance and understanding. In turn, this helps Scorpio return to its normal fixed, steady state. On the flip side, when Cancer becomes overwhelmed with the emotions of others, Scorpio uses its claws to pull Cancer back from the edge and creates space for renewal. This is not to say that the two signs live in blissful harmony. They disagree – plenty. But because the pair is so highly tuned into one another, friction is usually the bi-product of strong feelings. Their differences are where their passion comes from. ## 3. Do Scorpio and Cancer Share Trust? Trust between Cancer and Scorpio is very high. The reason is simple. Both signs are intuitive and can quickly sense dishonesty. Should one even think about cheating, the other will immediately pick up on it. Trying to hide from one another is useless as each have excellent B.S. detecters. Both signs place a premium on emotional and physical fidelity. Cancer must be careful to not overreact when others respond to Scorpio’s sexual energy. Conversely, Scorpio must be careful to not mistake the crab’s emotional bond with others as cheating. The trust mentioned above does not happen automatically. It takes time for this develop and requires patience. Once established, the link between the two is unbreakable. > ## **“Both signs can intuit dishonesty”** ## 4. Communication Between Both Signs After bonding has occurred between Cancer and Scorpio, communication is a breeze. That’s because both “speak” to one another empathically. But all is not perfect. There can be friction at the beginning of the relationship. That’s because Cancers are born talkers. They love to chat about everything. It’s just who they are. Scorpios like to talk too. But during the initial stages of a relationship, not so much. You may be wondering why? It’s simple. Scorpio knows the more it talks, the more it reveals. And revealing anything to others is an anathema to this sign. Remember, part of what makes a Scorpio a Scorpio is the mystery. As time goes on and trust builds, Scorpio lowers its guard and lets Cancer in. From there, communication increases. Together, the pair excels. Much of their communique is unspoken. There’s an uncanny knowing of what the other is thinking. It’s not hocus pocus either. Instead, it’s a powerful intuitive bond that can’t be explained on this realm of reality. Ask any person in a Cancer-Scorpio relationship about their psychic link. They will verify what I have just shared to be totally true. ## ![stars](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/stars.gif?resize=500%2C281&ssl=1) ## 5. Intellect Match – Crab and Scorpion Because Cancer and Scorpio are water signs, they come out of the womb curious. They’re also gifted with great analytical abilities, used for the purpose of deduction. Both have a high degree of perceptual intelligence; a 10-dollar term for understanding another’s feelings and emotions. What attracts one to the other are their unique gifts. For example, Scorpio can at times see things *too* logically. In turn, this causes black and white thinking. Cancer tugs at Scorpio to look through different lenses, infusing compassion into the dynamic. On the flipside, Scorpio taps into Cancer’s creative side, stimulating the crab to a place of action. When you reflect on this pairing, think of a highly intelligent couple that is curious about the world around them. ## ![stars mountains](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/stars-2.gif?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1) 6. Money Matters  This life area is a natural match for both signs. Cancer is concerned with all things home related. Stability motivates Scorpio. Both gravitate towards safety and security. Both are good planners. In short, they like money in the bank and aren’t ones for wasteful spending. That said, this doesn’t mean there aren’t disagreements on *how* money is spent. For example, when it comes to big ticket items, Cancer likes to buy things for the enjoyment of all at home. Conversely, Scorpio is a miser. It doesn’t always see the benefit of purchasing something for comfort. An example might be balking about buying a T.V. Nine times out of ten, Cancer will win the disagreement. That’s because the crab has a way of appealing to Scorpio’s emotional side. Money-wise, the stereotypical traits of Cancer (worry) and Scorpio (obsessive) actually vibe well together. In the final analysis, both work hard to create safety and stability. ![scorpio and cancer compatibility match](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbols-explored.jpg?resize=640%2C359&ssl=1)Interests usually match between Scorpio and Cancer ## 7. Shared Interests Cancers and Scorpios Given that Cancer and Scorpio are water signs, both naturally gravitate towards the sea. Swimming, surfing, fishing and being on the beach are shared areas of interest. Because Scorpios are fixed signs, they are sometimes resistant to new things. That’s not to say they won’t do it. But it takes an energetic sign like Cancer to give the Scorpion a little nudge. Scorpios love traveling. Cancers get into romantic get-aways. Provided that water (ocean, lake) are part of the vacation plans, the two do just fine together. It is important to note that Cancers have an unusual, almost psychic relationship with animals. They are able to communicate with creatures of nature in ways that can’t be explained. Moreover, animals are strangely attracted to Cancerian energy. If an injured animal is found, Cancers are the ones to take the creature in and nurture it back to health. I can’t explain it. It’s just part of who cancers are. Scorpios like animals, too. But they don’t have the same connection as Cancers do. In fact, some creatures avoid Scorpios because they can sense its deep psychic conflicts. As far as relationships go, just keep in mind that dogs and cats are naturally going to gravitate towards the Cancer. It’s just the way things are. Other areas of interest include spirituality, the afterlife, ritualism, and home. Ancestry and history are also great conversation topics. Finally, the two also enjoy tawdry gossip, current events, and pop culture. ![Cancers and Scorpios go together well](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/relationships.jpg?resize=593%2C309&ssl=1)Cancers and Scorpios go together well ## Key Considerations for Scorpio and Cancer When thinking about the Cancer and Scorpio pairing, the critical thing to keep in bear in mind is the duo are naturally meant to be together. Part of this relates to both being water signs and part of it has to do with a deep, almost uncanny connection the duo share that transcends our collective consciousness. Scorpio is a strong sign that is fiercely independent and highly protective of people it loves. Cancer shares these same traits yet can moderate its personality in ways that the Scorpion cannot. That said, the duo compliments one another in unique ways that transcend our ability to understand. ### Why Cancer and Scorpio match in relationships - One provides what the other lacks - Sexual energy is highly powerful - Both signs are super intuitive, particularly with one another - Scorpio can be moved out of its hiding places by Cancer, allowing the arachnid to enjoy more things in life. - Cancer benefits from Scorpio’s intellectual and empathic gifts. In turn, this allows the crab to be dive deep on a variety of topics - The shared passion between both signs is enduring - Both signs naturally fit together and will unconsciously seek one another out, magnetically drawn together ## Summary of Cancer and Scorpio Scorpio and Cancer are highly compatible. They connect emotionally, physically and intellectually. Once a bond has been established, the relationship tends to be long term. We’re talking lifetime here. The duo makes for wonderful parents, offering children a caring, stable, and loving environment. The one take-away I hope you experience after absorbing all that was presented here is this: Cancer and Scorpio share a unique bond that is as old as the universe itself. In many ways, they are a mystical and powerful match. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0877288089&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0877288089/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0877288089&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=4750264d53b29a0b31fb2c9ae28d9868)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0877288089)References: Jung, C. (1953). *Psychological types: or the psychology of individuation.* Oxford, England: Harcourt, Brace. Retrieved from An introduction to Jung’s psychology. Orion, R. (2007). *Astrology for dummies.* Hoboken, NJ: Wiley. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Cancer, Pisces, scorpio, Water Signs --- ### [7 Ways Scorpio and Aries Match in Friendship and Love!](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-aries-match/) **Published:** December 24, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![aries scorpio compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/scorpio-man-aries-woman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aries and Scorpio in relationships. Photo credit: Deposit photos Table of Contents Toggle - [Why Scorpio and Aries are highly compatible ](#Why_Scorpio_and_Aries_are_highly_compatible) - [Aries and Scorpio Revealed](#Aries_and_Scorpio_Revealed) - [Aries and Scorpio Traits](#Aries_and_Scorpio_Traits) - [Aries: March 21 – April 19](#Aries_March_21_%E2%80%93_April_19) - [Fire Sign Primer Video](#Fire_Sign_Primer_Video) - [Scorpio: October 23 – November 21](#Scorpio_October_23_%E2%80%93_November_21) - [Main Scorpio Traits Include (Positive and Negative):](#Main_Scorpio_Traits_Include_Positive_and_Negative) - [Water Sign Primer Video](#Water_Sign_Primer_Video) - [Cardinal Signs and Fixed Signs](#Cardinal_Signs_and_Fixed_Signs) - [1. Sexual Energy](#1_Sexual_Energy) - [2. Love](#2_Love) - [3. Trust](#3_Trust) - [4. Money](#4_Money) - [5. Intellect](#5_Intellect) - [6. Communications](#6_Communications) - [7. Interests](#7_Interests) ## Why Scorpio and Aries are highly compatible  **Scorpio and Aries** are said to be incompatible but few reasons are ever given why. Is it all based on rumor or is there any truth behind the buzz? Can the two signs vibe or are they destined to be apart? If you are curious about the answers, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this post is all about Scorpio and Aries with information about this pairing you will find nowhere else. **In this article, you will learn:** - Why Scorpio and Aries can make for a great couple - Specific characteristics of Scorpio - Special attributes of Aries - How water signs and fire signs interact - The unique differences that draw them together - 7 reasons why Scorpio and Aries are more compatible than you think ![Aries and Scorpio ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/aries-and-scorpio-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Learn about Aries and Scorpio Before we get into this pairing, you have a right to know about who I am. Right off the bat, I need to share that I am not an astrologer or a psychic. Instead, [I’m a Scorpio man](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) who happens to have a background in psychology. For reasons that I do not fully understand, I have been drawn to the metaphysical. Using insight from the ancients, coupled with tenets of [Jungian](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/9781118904541.ch02) psychology, I’m going to share with you concrete reasons why Scorpio and Aries can strongly match. What is amazing about this pairing is how the two can complement one another. To cut to the chase, what one sign lacks, the other compensates for. ![hypnosis in chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/flying-fears-chicago.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Understanding the water and fire sign match ## Aries and Scorpio Revealed In my research, I’ve learned that not all signs are a good fit for Aries. The same holds true for Scorpio; one of the most mystical and misunderstood signs in astrology. Both signs have strong personalities. However, unlike other pairings, [such as Capricorn](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/) and Pisces, the differences between Scorpio and Aries are more pronounced. If you are an Aries looking for insight into dating Scorpio, this post is for you. Conversely, if you are a Scorpio looking for wisdom on Aries, you’ll find practical insight as well. The information appearing below is gender neutral. While there are differences in how signs express their traits gender-wise, I’m going to focus on the big picture. My promise is to present information that is devoid of astro-babble with the goal of helping you with your relationship needs. As part of this post, I’ve included practical tips to help navigate difficult waters for the Scorpio Aries paring. Additionally, I’ve included videos on water signs and fire signs with the hope of deepening your understanding of astrology. We will begin by looking at each sign’s primary traits. Take note of their similarities and differences. Knowing this information will help to provide context for all that follows. Once you are done examining this chart, let’s move on to the seven unique ways Scorpio and Aries match. ## Aries and Scorpio Traits | TRAIT | ARIES | SCORPIO | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Competitive | x | x | | Protective | x | x | | Dominant | x | x | | Introverted | | x | | Extroverted | x | | | Imaginative | x | x | | Adventurous | x | x | | Emotional | | x | arThe Ram ## Aries: March 21 – April 19 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Aries occupies the “First House” of the zodiac. In the spiritual sense, a “house” is nothing more than an energy structure that holds supernatural traits. If you were to open the door to this house and walk inside, you would immediately detect the energies of optimism and passion. You would also pick up on vibrations of confidence and courage. Aries is exclusively ruled by the planet Mars. This is important to know because it is this planet that gives the sign all of its traits – and powers. Mars is 141 million miles from our sun. It symbolizes passion, energy, desire, and action. But the ancients also saw the planet as a source of impatience and bad tempers (Orion, 2007). **Main Aries Traits Include (Positive and Negative):** - Determined - Focused - Impatient - Optimistic - Quick temper - Competitive - Aggressive - Creative - Moody - Extroverted - Natural leaders - Confident - Impulsive - Not great with losing - Outgoing ## Fire Sign Primer Video Aries is represented by the elemental sign of fire. At their core, fire signs are thought to be: - Self-sufficient, - Lively, - Spontaneous and, - Passionate. There are only three fire signs: Sagittarius, [Leo](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/), and Aries respectively. ![scorpio in astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio1.jpg?resize=409%2C409&ssl=1)Scorpio sign in neon ## Scorpio: October 23 – November 21 Persons born under the Scorpio sign fall into the “Eighth House” in astrology. If you were to walk through the front door of this home, you would quickly sense energies that symbolized mystery, logic, intimacy, and bonding. The sign is ruled by two planets that couldn’t be more different if they tried. The first is Pluto – a cold and distant object. The second is Mars; the same celestial body that governs the ram. Pluto is located a jaw dropping 737 miles from earth and considered the last known planetoid in our solar system. It also happens to be deeply puzzling to astronomers. Mars, being much closer to our sun, is hot. Scorpio draws energies from both celestial bodies, pulling in heat from Mars and iciness from Pluto. It is for this reason Scorpios vibe out a mysterious but magnetic persona, all at once. ## Main Scorpio Traits Include (Positive and Negative): - Curious - Intense - Logical - Empathic - Highly sexual - Emotional - Mysterious - Introverted - Distrustful - Jealous - Dominant - Loyal ## Water Sign Primer Video Scorpio is represented by the element of water. At their core, water signs are generally: - Very intuitive, - Super protective, - Highly empathic and; - Deeply emotional. ![Cardinal signs and fixed signs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/nature-woods-path-bridge.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cardinal signs and fixed signs ## Cardinal Signs and Fixed Signs In horoscopic astrology, the ancients teach us that Aries is a cardinal sign. But what does that mean? In plain-speak, cardinal signs hold the power to move and change. It is for this reason we see them at the beginning of each new season. Conversely, as lore would have it, fixed signs are the opposite. They aren’t the greatest with change and struggle with being flexible. But fixed signs also represent stability and familiarity – something that can be positive in personal relationships. Now that we have examined the basic traits of each sign, it’s time to examine the 7 ways Scorpio and Aries match in love and sex. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/aries-meets-scorpio.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aries and Scorpio can be a magical match ## 1. Sexual Energy The physical attraction between Scorpio and Aries is powerful. Many believe the two don’t share chemistry but that simply isn’t true. In fact, their chemistry is palatable. The reason is simple. Aries loves the flesh and can become addicted to carnal connections. Scorpio vibrates on this plain too because both signs share the ruling planet of Mars. However, the real reason they mesh so well in the bedroom is that Aries connects to the physical whereas Scorpio the emotional. What one sign lacks the other compensates for. When Aries becomes too heated, Scorpio has an uncanny way of cooling the ram down. When this happens, an emotional opening occurs that lets Scorpio deeply connect with the ram’s soul. This type of connection is magnetic and intoxicating for the ram, causing it to return again and again for intimacy. Additionally, [Aries](https://guycounseling.com/aries-man-love-relationships/) prefers to initiate sexy-time. Scorpio is completely fine with this and can intuit what the ram wants. The challenges come when Aries wants to dominate; something Scorpios simply cannot and will not allow to happen. And therein lies their dance – a dance of intimacy that can be fun, intense, and passionate. This is not to say there won’t be problems. There will be. But if both signs can work through the need to control, the bedroom experience can be extremely explosive. ![scorpios and aries in love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Relationships between Scorpio and Aries ## 2. Love Conventional wisdom holds that Aries and Scorpio struggle in matters of love. The reality is both are drawn to each other in ways that defy logic. While it is true that Aries has problems intuiting the feelings of others, this doesn’t mean the ram is emotionally deaf. It can formulate strong bonds but it needs to be paired with the right sign. This is where Scorpio comes in. After the initial courtship, Scorpio and Aries form a psychic link. In turn, trust increases, thereby deepening love between the two zodiacs. Despite the ram’s tough demeanor, it can be a very affectionate, warm, and loving companion in relationships. What draws Scorpio to Aries is the ram’s sense of competitiveness. In turn, Aries is drawn to the Scorpion because of its sense of strength. In many ways, the sometimes frantic energy of Aries becomes balanced by Scorpios calm presence. Conversely, Scorpio’s intensity is chilled by Aries playfulness. When you think of love between these two signs, it is important to view them through the lens of practicality. Each offers what the does not have. ![aries in astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/aries-in-astrology.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aries – an ancient and mystical sign ## 3. Trust During the beginning stages of courtship, trust between both is low. There are a number of reasons for this but mostly because Scorpio is distrustful by nature. It doesn’t help that Aries can be a major flirt; something the sign uses an extension of its playful nature. When Scorpio sees this, it becomes enraged. The problem is the ram doesn’t always know this. Why? Because Scorpio is a master a concealing what it truly feels. But at some point, the arachnid’s true emotions become known; usually in a fit of jealousy. It is only then that the ram understands how its flirtatious nature can be problematic. At some point, a time of choosing must occur. Specifically, the ram must decide if it will place boundaries around its wandering eye and remain physically and emotionally loyal. Should the ram decide to do this, the level of trust between the two signs increases dramatically. Below is a poll that asks you more about this pairing. If you do not see, [click on this link to access.](http://poll.fm/5y77b) ## 4. Money If there is one area where there exists a struggle, it is with matters of money. The primary reason relates to how both signs view the dollar. Scorpio is a miser. It spends money on practical things and prefers to sock away cash for a rainy day. On the flipside, Aries likes excitement and stimulation; activities it will spend cash on in sometimes impulsive ways. In personal relationships, both have the power to teach one another financial lessons. Aries can impart insight on the importance of fun. Scorpio can share wisdom on saving money for the future. Once both signs come to an understanding, there can be a healthy balance. But this doesn’t happen overnight. Patience is absolutely required. ## 5. Intellect Earlier, we compared and contrasted fire signs and water signs. While the two are completely opposite in their traits, it is their differences that draws them together. Aries is focused on two life areas: (1) The here and now and (2) doing. Almost neurotically, the sign is concerned with challenging itself and thinking outside of the box. On the other hand, the Scorpion mind is concerned with the afterlife, transformation, and renewal. Aries helps to pull Scorpio away from its future-focused thoughts and into the present. This ability on Scorpio can only happen with a cardinal sign – meaning Aries, Cancer, Libra, and [Capricorn](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/). On the flipside, Scorpio encourages Aries to reinvent itself and not be so singular in focus. Working in tandem, both can stimulate one another’s minds, making way for powerful conversations. ![Scorpio and Aries - a Cosmic match?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Uranus-and-Saturn.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio and Aries – a Cosmic match? ## 6. Communications Fire signs and water signs are thought to struggle with communication. But is that true? The answer is mostly, yes however, in the case of Scorpio and Aries, this rule does not apply. The reason is simple. Both signs are straight forward. There is no hidden meaning behind what is being said. Scorpio tends to see things in black or white and Aries generally does the same. When problems do occur, it is usually because Scorpio becomes overly sensitive and misunderstands the intent behind the ram’s words. Once both signs get to know one another and their style of communication, conversation is generally free flowing. One caveat here is that Aries must recognize Scorpio can empathically read what the ram is feeling. This means trying to conceal emotions is futile. Finally, both signs need to be mindful of being too blunt. ## 7. Interests A strong area of bonding between Aries and Scorpio relates to interests. Both signs are adventurous with Aries having a special chip for trying new things. Scorpio is drawn towards the water whereas Aries towards the mountains; the natural habitat for the ram. As a couple, both enjoy hiking, boating, skiing, and even fishing. Sometimes, Scorpio struggles with moving away from its fixed and familiar nature. This is where Aries can give Scorpio a swift kick in the behind to get it to try something new. The one area where conflict occurs relates to political beliefs. Both hold strong opinions and both are stubborn. But it is their differences that draw them together. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1780283911&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1780283911/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1780283911&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=87df0ed40fb6507bdfc33aa4990ae3c8)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1780283911)Hopefully, the material shared in this post on both zodiacs has demonstrated the two can match. The key thing to keep in mind is that relational maintenance takes a lot of work; more so than other pairings. But once duo formulates a bond, it is difficult to keep them apart. In fact, they tend to stay together for many years. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Air Signs, Aries, Fire Signs, scorpio, Water Signs --- ### [25 Truths About The Gemini Man in Love and Relationships!](https://guycounseling.com/gemini-men/) **Published:** December 24, 2022 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![gemini men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/attractive-man-cigar.jpg?resize=715%2C477&ssl=1)Gemini men revealed Table of Contents Toggle - [The good and bad on Gemini Men](#The_good_and_bad_on_Gemini_Men) - [1. He bores quickly](#1_He_bores_quickly) - [2. He’ll be super sexual](#2_Hell_be_super_sexual) - [3. We’re excellent at hiding our feelings](#3_Were_excellent_at_hiding_our_feelings) - [4. He will focus on you in bed](#4_He_will_focus_on_you_in_bed) - [5. He’s going to be kind of nerdy](#5_Hes_going_to_be_kind_of_nerdy) - [6. Money management is easy for him](#6_Money_management_is_easy_for_him) - [7. He’ll be very logical](#7_Hell_be_very_logical) - [8. He’s going to be competitive](#8_Hes_going_to_be_competitive) - [9. He might be a gambler](#9_He_might_be_a_gambler) - [10. Men are vulnerable to pearl](#10_Men_are_vulnerable_to_pearl) - [11. The guys will show you off](#11_The_guys_will_show_you_off) - [12. He’s adventurous in bed](#12_Hes_adventurous_in_bed) - [13. He might not be organized](#13_He_might_not_be_organized) - [14. He’ll live a simple life](#14_Hell_live_a_simple_life) - [15. He’s a great dad](#15_Hes_a_great_dad) - [16. He may have ADHD](#16_He_may_have_ADHD) - [17. He likes to take control](#17_He_likes_to_take_control) - [18. He’ll be a natural leader](#18_Hell_be_a_natural_leader) - [19. He’ll like to talk – a lot](#19_Hell_like_to_talk_%E2%80%93_a_lot) - [20. Not always the best listeners](#20_Not_always_the_best_listeners) - [21. He’s going to like to travel](#21_Hes_going_to_like_to_travel) - [22. He’ll be extroverted](#22_Hell_be_extroverted) - [23 He’ll be upbeat and positive](#23_Hell_be_upbeat_and_positive) - [24. The guys can be techie](#24_The_guys_can_be_techie) - [25. He’ll love to laugh](#25_Hell_love_to_laugh) - [Gemini Man Personality Video](#Gemini_Man_Personality_Video) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## The good and bad on Gemini Men Are you attracted to a **Gemini man**? Trying to understand how **Gemini men operate in love** and relationships? Do you want better insight into this air sign? If the answer is yes, you have come to the right place. Many people are curious about Gemini men because they are strangely drawn to them. Does this describe you? My motivation for writing this piece was to help you understand the Gemini mind. So much of what appears online about the male version of this sign is vague (at best) or simply untrue. **I should know because I am a Gemini Man.** Ever since I was a young boy, I’ve been on a question to understand the Gemini psyche. My father was a Gemini and his father, too. In fact, stretching back nearly six generations, all the men (paternal side) are Gemini. With the help of a trusted shaman who happens to be [a Virgo man](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/), I’ve been able to record specific traits and characteristics of my sign in a way that I hope makes sense. Now before we get into the meat and potatoes of Gemini men, I need to share with you that I am not an astrologer nor a psychic. Instead, I’m just a dude who happens to be really in touch with various spiritual teachings, including [astrology](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0191886994902437), Christianity, Buddhism, and Greek mythology. Speaking only for myself, I believe that all share similar truths, woven together through stories throughout the ages. And to be completely transparent, my Sun sign is Gemini and my moon is Pisces ([see Pisces man](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)). This unusual combination is probably why I am so deeply drawn to this subject, almost to the point of obsession. Now that everything is out on the table, let’s move on to explore 25 truths about Gemini men in love and relationships. ![gemini guys](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-denim-jacket-jeans-tshirt.jpg?resize=715%2C477&ssl=1)Gemini guys revealed ## 1. He bores quickly If you have dated one of us, you probably know that we tend to be impulsive and generally go with whatever grabs our attention. While there are lots of pluses to this trait, it can also be a negative. That’s because Gemini men tend to bore quickly. Be prepared to live in the moment and okay with someone who is all about spontaneity. ## 2. He’ll be super sexual It’s best to get this characteristic out of the way quickly. Warning: you may not like what follows but I’m just going to be real with you. Gemini men like getting it on with different people and are down with dating more than one person at a time. I wish that I could tell you something different, but it simply wouldn’t be honest. Because of our twin personalities, it’s just how we can be. It’s not that we want to hurt you or cause problems. We don’t. Instead, it’s more about an impulse control issue we have where we want to bed the attractive person in front of us. That said, when the *right* person comes along, we can be quite loyal. But wow does it take a lot of energy and focus to keep it in our pants. ## 3. We’re excellent at hiding our feelings Many signs wear their feelings on their sleeves. All I can tell you is that for guys like me who fall under the sign of Gemini, this is not the case. Instead, we are masters at hiding our emotions. Is it any wonder why some of the best poker players in the world happen to fall under this zodiac sign? \[poll id=”11″\] ## 4. He will focus on you in bed If there is one thing that can be said about us, it’s that we truly focus on our partners in the bedroom. After figuring out your personality and tuning into your erogenous zones, we’re going to light your rockets under the sheets. Geminis, in general, are all about excitement. The more excited you become, the more intense we become. Unlike other signs that like to be the focus of attention ([see Leo men](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/)), that is not the case for us. ## 5. He’s going to be kind of nerdy Because we are one of the three air signs, we naturally gravitate towards the nerdy. Think heady topics that are intellectual in nature. Many of us enjoy talking about science, politics, and education. We like to see proof of something being real and aren’t ones to get all dreamy. ![Gemini men in love and relationships](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/couple.jpg?resize=714%2C476&ssl=1)Gemini men in love ## 6. Money management is easy for him When you date one of us, you won’t have to worry about us having money problems. From a very early age, most of us learn the value of the dollar and the importance of savings. Don’t mistake this for being cheap. We aren’t. In fact, we sometimes spend impulsively. But in the general sense, we like having money in the bank for security reasons. Most of the purchasing we do is practical in nature. ## 7. He’ll be very logical If you are looking to get into a meaningful conversation with depth, I think you will find Gemini guys to be a great match. Like most air signs, we are highly intellectual. The one problem we have is an incessant need to *win* arguments. In fact, we will go out of our way to do this, using cunning wit in the process. ## 8. He’s going to be competitive There isn’t a man born under the Gemini sign that I know who isn’t competitive. In fact, it’s fair to say we are highly competitive with a knack for winning at any cost. A lot of us are sports minded and athletically inclined. There’s a good chance you will find that in our youth, we were the jocks of your school. Once we have our eye on a goal, watch out! ## 9. He might be a gambler This one is hard to admit but you came here for the truth. A lot of us have a weakness for gambling. I’m talking about betting on sports, playing the lotto, and quick trips to Las Vegas. We are attracted to this because of the instant jolt of adrenaline we get from winning. Sadly, when we lose, we sometimes aren’t the best at dealing with it. ## 10. Men are vulnerable to pearl In case you don’t know, the birthstone for Gemini is pearl. When we are in the presence of carbonate mineral, we become sexually vulnerable. By nature, we tend to be dominate but when in the presence of our birthstone, we can either transform into someone extra aggressive or highly submissive. Each man is different. ![gemini man with a woman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-meeting-woman-at-bar.jpg?resize=714%2C477&ssl=1)Gemini men like arm candy ## 11. The guys will show you off This is a terrible thing to admit but I am putting it out there because it needs to be said. Geminis like showing off their mates. We dig it when you are attached to our arms so that the world can see you. Does this make you a trophy of sorts, like arm candy? In many ways, the answer is yes. ## 12. He’s adventurous in bed If you are looking for a man who is down with whatever behind closed doors, you won’t have any problem with our sign. Most of us are adventurous in bed and like trying new things. Just remember point number one about boring quickly. If you are attached to us, be prepared to change things up from time. That will hold our attention and help us focus on you. ## 13. He might not be organized As a tribe, Gemini men aren’t always the best organized. That is not to say we are messy. We aren’t. But we don’t always focus on keeping things as tidy as we should. The reason is because a lot of us center our attention on other things. Minding our finances and keeping our nerdy books neatly stored are examples. ## 14. He’ll live a simple life One of the myths that float around about Gemini men is that we like to live large. Some have even suggested we are materialistic. None of it is true. The reality is most of us live very simple lives and aren’t into material things. A smallish home with a minimalistic feel is just fine by us. ## 15. He’s a great dad It is fair to say that most all male Geminis love children. There’s just something about their playful nature that speaks to our inner core. We make for excellent dads and uncles. Kids gravitate towards us because they sense that – like them – we are all about new adventures and learning. ![gemini psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/african-american-couple.jpg?resize=714%2C477&ssl=1)Some of us have ADHD ## 16. He may have ADHD You probably won’t be surprised to read this trait, but I am listing all the same. Because of our impulsive nature and challenges around staying focused, many of us have ADHD. Some of the most intelligent people in history have had this issue, making it a blessing and a curse. We may need your help at times to stay focused. ## 17. He likes to take control By nature, most of us are dominant and [vibe out alpha male](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/). This trait is apparent in several life areas, including at work and in the bedroom. That’s not to say we are cocky or arrogant. But it is to suggest that we gravitate towards grabbing the reigns. ## 18. He’ll be a natural leader Hand in hand with being in control is a knack for leadership. The guys are born with a chip that just gives them the ability to lead. When you look at notable people in politics, you will see many are Gemini. John F. Kennedy and George H.W. Bush are two presidents as examples. ## 19. He’ll like to talk – a lot This can be a negative or a positive, depending on how you look at things. The guys like to talk – perhaps too much. I know that I’ve been guilty of running my mouth too much. That said, verbal communication comes easily to us. We are also great with other forms of information sharing, like social media. ## 20. Not always the best listeners I’m mentioning this one because it connects to the previously made point. Gemini men – at times – struggle with listening. Please don’t think this is because we don’t care. We do. Our problem, however, is being able to remain focused on a topic for too long. This goes back to the ADHD thing I mentioned earlier. We may need your help to stay centered and focused on what you are saying. We won’t be offended if you mention this in a way that is not overly critical. ![gemini travel](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-travel-mental-health.jpeg?resize=715%2C402&ssl=1)The men like to travel ## 21. He’s going to like to travel This trait should not surprise you. Because of our never-ending desire for adventure, we naturally like to travel. If we can go somewhere new and experience it with a mate, even better. Think hiking, camping, horseback riding, and exotic destinations. All of these will hold our interest. ## 22. He’ll be extroverted While not true of all the men, many of us are extroverted. This means we like rubbing elbows with other people and being part of social events. Unlike other signs, however, we don’t need to be the focus of attention. Instead, we just want to be part of the excitement and engaged. ## 23 He’ll be upbeat and positive By nature, most of us have a positive life outlook. This doesn’t mean we gloss over the bad. Instead, we look for silver linings. It is fair to say we help other signs not isolate and can help our mates become less introverted. This point is particularly true when we are paired with water signs, the ultimate feelers. ## 24. The guys can be techie Because technology is so fascinating, many of us are naturally drawn to the latest gizmos and gadgets. If there’s a new product hitting the market, like a smart-phone, Geminis are likely the first to be in line. We also like practical gifts. [Stocking fillers for men](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) that focus on personal grooming and self-care are always appreciated. ## 25. He’ll love to laugh One thing that can be said about us is this – we love to live life to the fullest. This means not taking things too seriously and enjoying a good laugh with you. If you want a man to lift your spirits and lighten your emotional load, you won’t go wrong with one of us. When you are happy, we are happy. \[poll id=”22″\] ## Gemini Man Personality Video Here’s a quick and informative video on the Gemini man from YouTube: ## Wrap Up I won’t lie to you. Being in a relationship with a Gemini man can be like dating two people. Remember, the symbol of our sign happens to be twins. If you are up for adventure and fun, we’re probably a great match for you. Just don’t expect commitment to happen instantly. This will take time to develop. **References** Introversion-extraversion: astrology versus psychology. Science Direct 2018 **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Gemini, Leo, Pisces, Virgo --- ### [21 Truths About The Aries Man in Love and Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/aries-man-love-relationships/) **Published:** December 24, 2022 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![aries man love relationships](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/muscular-strength.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Aries Man – The Good, Bad and Ugly](#Aries_Man_%E2%80%93_The_Good_Bad_and_Ugly) - [1. He’ll be super competitive](#1_Hell_be_super_competitive) - [2. He’s going to be athletic](#2_Hes_going_to_be_athletic) - [3. The guys can go for hours in bed](#3_The_guys_can_go_for_hours_in_bed) - [4. He’ll have trouble staying still](#4_Hell_have_trouble_staying_still) - [5. The men are adventurous](#5_The_men_are_adventurous) - [6. He’s going to be loyal](#6_Hes_going_to_be_loyal) - [7. He’ll be impatient](#7_Hell_be_impatient) - [8. The guys have a short fuse](#8_The_guys_have_a_short_fuse) - [9. He’ll be a workaholic](#9_Hell_be_a_workaholic) - [10. He may struggle with headaches](#10_He_may_struggle_with_headaches) - [11. He may be impulsive](#11_He_may_be_impulsive) - [12. Aries men are dominant](#12_Aries_men_are_dominant) - [13. He’s going to need space](#13_Hes_going_to_need_space) - [14. He’s bad with clingy](#14_Hes_bad_with_clingy) - [15. Diamonds hypnotize him](#15_Diamonds_hypnotize_him) - [16. He can be arrogant](#16_He_can_be_arrogant) - [17. He can be confrontational](#17_He_can_be_confrontational) - [18. He’ll have a positive outlook](#18_Hell_have_a_positive_outlook) - [19. The men are controlling](#19_The_men_are_controlling) - [20. He’s got courage](#20_Hes_got_courage) - [21. He may (or may not) be good with money](#21_He_may_or_may_not_be_good_with_money) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Aries Man – The Good, Bad and Ugly Are you interested in an **Aries man**? Do you want to know what they are like in love and sex? Trying to figure out if you match with this sign? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Aries men are perhaps the most misunderstood in all of astrology. They are often tagged with being overly aggressive and uncaring. But are the stereotypes true? The answers to these questions and many more will soon be revealed. I’m going to tell you 21 truths about Aries men in love and relationships and do it in the most direct way possible. As a shaman who happens to be a [Virgo sun sign with a Scorpio moon](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/), I’ve been studying ancient mysticism for many years. During this time, I’ve spent countless hours diving deep into Aries with the specific goal of understanding what makes the Ram tick. According to ancient lore, Mars rules Aries exclusively. It is this planet, located 141 million miles from where you are right now, that vibes out passion, energy, action, and desire. While all of these traits are present in males and females born between March 21 and April 19, they are more pronounced in the men. My hope in penning this piece is to help you better understand the Aries man in your life. Additionally, if you happen to be an Aries male, the material that follows may give you stronger insight into your personality. Everything that follows is based on legendary texts, coupled with material extracted from the [teachings of Carl Jung](https://academyofideas.com/2017/06/carl-jung-spiritual-problem-modern-individual/), the father of psycho-spiritualism. Now that I’ve laid it all out, it’s time to dive deep into the topic of Aries men, meaning how they love, what they are like in relationships, and what you can expect in bed. ![aries man closer look athletic black man attractive](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/aries-man-closer-look.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aries man revealed ## 1. He’ll be super competitive Out of the 12 zodiacs, Aries is probably the most competitive. There are a number of reasons for this but the main one relates to the sign’s ruling planet Mars, which governs passion and energy. Mars is thought of as a “hot” planet because of its closeness to the sun. Aries is also represented by the element of fire; and let me tell you, this is the fieriest sign in the universe. Expect your man to be highly competitive in almost all life areas. I’m talking about work, sports, and in the sack. ## 2. He’s going to be athletic Most all Aries men are naturally athletic. Additionally, they are more likely than the other signs to be involved with sports. It’s just part of their DNA – the guys love engaging in physical activity. That’s great if you want a built man who places a premium on his physical abilities. But it can also be annoying because, in his quest for looking chiseled, he may put this need ahead of personal relationships. ## 3. The guys can go for hours in bed Many of the women I know are paired with Aries men have shared with me that the guys they are like energizer bunnies in the bedroom. Much of this relates to [the alpha energy](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) the males vibe out. It’s all about being dominant, energetic, and playful. If you aren’t down with extended periods of passion, this might not be a good match for you. ## 4. He’ll have trouble staying still One of the first things you’ll notice when paired with an Aries man is his energy. It’s kinetic and powerful. Many have a tough time relaxing and struggle to stay still. In this way, the sign is very much its representative symbol, the ram. Some describe this energy as “nervous” but that’s not really what is going on. Instead, Aries simply has a lot of electricity running through its veins. The good news is you will never be bored with the ram. The bad news is he might tire you out – or drive you crazy with his constant need to move. ## 5. The men are adventurous If you decide to get with an Aries man, be prepared to get your adventure on. This is a trait that is constant among all fire signs ([see Leo man for another fire sign example](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/)). They love living life to the fullest and experiencing everything the moment has to offer. The guys are always up for new things and if the experience offers an adrenaline rush, even better. ## 6. He’s going to be loyal If you are looking for a man to be loyal, you’ll find the Aries man to be a good match. But here is what you need to know. Most all who fall under this zodiac sign struggle with forming a relational bond. In other words, it can take a long time for them to feel a sense of safety and trust. But once he makes a commitment to you, there’s no turning back. It’s very unlikely he’ll step out and cheat. Yes, he’ll flirt. This goes back to his competitive nature. But getting it on with someone else is not something he’s interested in. The only exception to this is if you cheat. Should the Aries man find this out, he’s going to shag anyone he can get his hands on. He won’t do this because he’s looking to relieve a carnal need. Instead, it’s all about being able to say, “Oh yeah, if you can do it – I can do it more – and better.” You wanted the unfiltered truth, right? ## 7. He’ll be impatient I wish that I could sit here and tell you that this sign is patient. But that wouldn’t be true. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Aries, regardless of gender, tend to be a very impatient sign. This may have something to do with their element being fire. Who knows? I guess what I am saying is that if you are looking for a calm and centered sign, Aries is probably not it. ## 8. The guys have a short fuse Hand in hand with being impatient is having a short fuse. Yep, that’s right – the guys struggle with containing their emotions. I hate to say this because I know it can come off as a negative. Your best bet when getting into an argument with an Aries man is to remain calm and keep your own temper in check. The louder you get, the louder he’ll get. No, the guy isn’t to get physical. That’s not how they are. But he may become super verbal and say things that he later regrets. Here’s the good news. Once he explodes, it will be out of his system. Unlike other signs that tend to stew on an issue for days ([see the Pisces man](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)), Aries males typically discharge their frustration quickly and then move on to the next thing. ## 9. He’ll be a workaholic When you think of this sign, think of a winner. Because he’s so competitive, he’s going to want to be the best at what he does. In matters of work and career, this means he’ll do whatever it takes to be recognized, particularly in group settings. While you’ll find the men in many careers, they tend to excel in jobs related to sports, medicine, law enforcement, and finance (stocks). Bear in mind the long hours he spends at work isn’t because he wants to ditch you. Instead, it’s all about his innate need to be number one while contributing to a stable home. ## 10. He may struggle with headaches A lot of the guys regularly struggle with headaches. Some of this is no doubt due to tension and stress. The men also experience muscle spasms, often in the back, for the same reasons. The good news is that most of the males generally experience good health. Because they are always active, weight management issues usually aren’t a problem. Regarding mental health, Aries is prone to ADHD – which makes sense given their energetic personalities. ![amber eyes man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/amber-eyes-man-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aries men can be impulsive ## 11. He may be impulsive This is another trait of Aries men that is either good or bad, depending on how you look at things. Remember the guys are driven by a sense of adventure and spontaneity. As a result, they sometimes involve themselves in activities or make decisions without fully thinking things through. ## 12. Aries men are dominant There are several signs in astrology that are known to be dominant. These include Leo, Scorpio, and Aries respectively. In practical terms, this means they like to lead and take control. If you are looking for an assertive man, you will find the ram to be a good match. Be forewarned the adventurous spirit discussed earlier also extends to the bedroom. In short, the males are down for anything. ## 13. He’s going to need space Like the other fire signs, Aries men will occasionally need space. While not to the same degree as [Sagittarius men](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-love-relationships/), Aries requires quiet time to settle his thoughts. The reason is simple – their minds are constantly running. As a result, they tend to deplete their mental energy quickly. In order to restore, they require silence. Should your man “need space”, don’t get offended. Give it to him and trust that he will return fully recharged. ## 14. He’s bad with clingy Nobody likes codependent types, but this is particularly true when it comes to Aries. They are most attracted to people who are independent and free thinking. If you vibe out clingy, it’s not going to work. ## 15. Diamonds hypnotize him The birthstone for Aries is diamond; a stone that is made of carbon after being heated to intense temperatures. For reasons that the men do not understand, they become hypnotized by those who wear this stone, particularly in the form of a [pendant](https://amzn.to/2S8L3v0). The ancients tell us that the diamond itself broadcasts the wearer’s heart energy, thereby making the ram vulnerable to manipulation. I’m not saying you should wear a diamond around him to get your way. But I am saying that it will likely have a submissive effect on him. ![sexy black man selfie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/aries-men-arrogant.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aries men are accused of being arrogant ## 16. He can be arrogant This may sound like a terrible thing but it needs to be listed. Because the men are so self-assured, they can sometimes come off as arrogant. Some have also accused the males of being sexually selfish. You will need to decide this for yourself. That said, this doesn’t mean Aries isn’t compassionate because most all are. ## 17. He can be confrontational If you’ve ever watched nature films that feature rams, you probably picked up on how fearless they can be. The males, in particular, are often downright confrontational. This is very much the case for Aries males. While they won’t go looking for a fight, they also won’t back down from one. They are **highly** protective of those whom they love and will stop at nothing to make sure they are safe. ## 18. He’ll have a positive outlook Thanks to their elemental energy coming from the sun, Aries males usually have a positive life outlook. In fact, some have described their personalities as contagious. This doesn’t mean they aren’t prone to anxiety and depression. It can and does happen. But in the general sense, their disposition is upbeat. ## 19. The men are controlling Yes, you read that right. Aries men can be controlling. But did you really expect anything else from this competitive sign? Don’t be afraid to offer gentle hints that he’s holding on to the reins too tightly. He’ll appreciate your feedback, provided it’s couched in a way that’s not biting or mean. ## 20. He’s got courage If there is one thing that can be said about Aries, regardless of gender, it is this – they have courage. In other words, they aren’t ones to back down and certainly can’t be intimidated. Many first responders, police officers, and military members happen to be born under this sun sign. These are the people who run towards danger and not away from it. ## 21. He may (or may not) be good with money I’m not saying this sign is bad with money. Many absolutely are. But much will depend on his mindset and how he views the dollar. If he gives into his impulsive nature, there probably won’t be a lot of cash around for a rainy day. But, if the ram views money as a means of keeping score, he’ll likely hoard it – often in ridiculous amounts. So, I guess what I am saying here is that money can be a 50/50 proposition for this sign. For the ram, it can go either way. **Bonus:** Aries men really enjoy the chase. Yep, I’m saying they like playing hard to get. The trick is to avoid making it easy for them. \[poll id=”21″\] ## Wrap Up Hopefully, the insight I’ve offered here will help you to better understand the Aries man in your life. Unlike other signs, this one isn’t complicated. The key to a happy, long-term relationship is to remember the guys can be impulsive and require a lot of stimulation. If you can handle that, you’ll find an amazing life partner. **References:** Academy of ideas (2018). Carl Jung and the spiritual problem of modern individualism **RELATED POSTS:** [Capricorn men in love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-truths/) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aries, Capricorn, Leo --- ### [21 Taurus Man Personality Traits](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) **Published:** January 2, 2024 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![channing t taurus man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/channing-t.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are you a Taurus man? Table of Contents Toggle - [Taurus Man Personality Traits](#Taurus_Man_Personality_Traits) - [1. Male Taurus Positive Traits:](#1_Male_Taurus_Positive_Traits) - [2. Male Taurus Negative Traits:](#2_Male_Taurus_Negative_Traits) - [Taurus Man Personality](#Taurus_Man_Personality) - [3. Taurus Man Background](#3_Taurus_Man_Background) - [4. Taurus Man Traits That Stand Out](#4_Taurus_Man_Traits_That_Stand_Out) - [5. Taurus Man as a Friend](#5_Taurus_Man_as_a_Friend) - [6. Taurus Men: Career and Money](#6_Taurus_Men_Career_and_Money) - [7. Taurus Man Personality and General Temperament](#7_Taurus_Man_Personality_and_General_Temperament) - [8. Taurus Man Psychological Traits](#8_Taurus_Man_Psychological_Traits) - [9. Taurus Man Personality and Anxiety](#9_Taurus_Man_Personality_and_Anxiety) - [10. Taurus Man Personality Summed Up](#10_Taurus_Man_Personality_Summed_Up) - [11. Taurus Traits and Compatibility](#11_Taurus_Traits_and_Compatibility) - [12. Dating a Taurus Man](#12_Dating_a_Taurus_Man) - [Dating a Taurus Woman](#Dating_a_Taurus_Woman) - [13. If you are dating a Taurus Man, Keep the Following in Mind:](#13_If_you_are_dating_a_Taurus_Man_Keep_the_Following_in_Mind) - [14. If you are dating Taurus Woman, Keep the Following in Mind:](#14_If_you_are_dating_Taurus_Woman_Keep_the_Following_in_Mind) - [15. What’s sex like with a Taurus Man?](#15_Whats_sex_like_with_a_Taurus_Man) - [16. How to attract Taurus men](#16_How_to_attract_Taurus_men) - [17. Taurus Man Arousal Zones](#17_Taurus_Man_Arousal_Zones) - [Taurus Constellation Video](#Taurus_Constellation_Video) - [18. Famous Taurus Celebrities](#18_Famous_Taurus_Celebrities) - [19. Male Taurus Health Issues](#19_Male_Taurus_Health_Issues) - [Taurus Poll](#Taurus_Poll) - [20. Taurus Man Trait Myths](#20_Taurus_Man_Trait_Myths) - [21. Taurus Men Are Not Selfish In Bed](#21_Taurus_Men_Are_Not_Selfish_In_Bed) - [Taurus Traits and Characteristics Book](#Taurus_Traits_and_Characteristics_Book) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## **Taurus Man Personality Traits** **Taurus man** personality and traits appear on this page. A person is a [Taurus](http://www.space.com/17101-taurus-constellation.html) if they are born between **April 20-May 20th**. What follows is a comprehensive breakdown of major Taurus traits and personality characteristics. Take note of the **Taurus man personality chart** I’ve also included below with positive and negative attributes. For fun, I’ve also thrown in a video from YouTube and created by Zodiac Talks. ## **1. Male Taurus Positive Traits:** - Generous - Extremely Focused - Loyal - Patient - Determined - Kind Heart - Prefers Simplicity - Stable - Goal Driven - Good Business People - Loves the outdoors ## **2. Male Taurus Negative Traits:** - Materialistic - Stubborn Streak - Self-Indulgent - Laziness - Prone to Burnout - Overly Protective - Opinionated - Tagged with being “Dull” ## Taurus Man Personality | Taurus Man Trait | Positive | Negative | Strength of Trait | |---|---|---|---| | Generous | x | | High | | Goal focused | x | | High | | Stubborn | | x | Medium | | Prone to Burnout | | x | High | | Lazy | | x | Low | | Dull | | x | Low | | Business skills | x | | High | | Loyal | x | | High | | Stability | x | | Medium | | Cautious | x | | High | ## **3. Taurus Man Background** **Taurus** is considered a fixed sign, which is a 25-cent term for a zodiac sign that prefers things to remain unchanged. If you are Taurus, you were born in the “Second House” of the Zodiac sky. This house represents things of value and that hold meaning. This means human relationships as well as material possessions. A main **Taurus trait relates to possession**. This not said in a pejorative sense as there is spiritual meaning involved in the mix. Taurus is an Earth sign with its zodiac symbol being the bull. Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn) all share the common trait of being grounded and focused on the here and now. This is different than other signs, such as Pisces (a water sign) that lives in a bifurcated world of fantasy and the past. ## **4. Taurus Man Traits That Stand Out** The key traits of the Taurus man personality are twofold: **1)**. this sign prefers independence and autonomy. Taurus signs do not like being told what to do or forced into situations where they feel uncomfortable. They also don’t like to play follow the leader. Instead, they prefer to take on the role of leader. **2)** Taurus signs are extremely determined. Once a Taurus sets his/her mind to doing something, there is nothing in the galaxy that can stop them. They will pursue their identified goal until it is reached – even if this comes at great personal sacrifice (health, relationships, etc). Taurus men also are huge lovers of mother nature and really get into being in the outdoors. That’s because Taurus is an earth sign and naturally connects with all of the elements present in nature. Men who are Taurus generally are into hiking, [backpacking, camping, canoeing](https://guycounseling.com/canoe-camping-trip-planning/) and tons of other outdoor activities. It is a core personality trait. ![Taurus men traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/canoe-essentials-640x381.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Taurus men love the outdoors ## **5. Taurus Man as a Friend** Simply put, Taurus signs make for an excellent friend. This is an astrological zodiac sign that is careful about whom it associates with and is known for taking time before bonding in the platonic sense with another. Once in Taurus’s fold, you will have a super loyal friend that will defend you until the end. Because Taurus is known for living a somewhat lavish lifestyle, they usually invite those who are close to join them in the fun. Not a bad Taurus trait when you think about it. ## **6. Taurus Men: Career and Money** Because Taurus is a goal focused sign, they naturally possess strong career and financial skills. Most all Taurus born men and women know what career they want to be in and the path they wish to take. Because this sign is highly practical, they are adverse to wasting money. While they enjoy living a good lifestyle, it doesn’t come at the expense of the things that have to be paid first – like utilities, credit cards and so forth. Again, a major Taurus trait is practicality. Coincidentally, Taurus men share this trait with a somewhat similar sign; [Male Capricorns](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/). No surprise given both are earth signs. [![Taurus Traits and Characterstics](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/taurus-traits-characteristics.jpg?resize=401%2C300&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/taurus-traits-characteristics.jpg?ssl=1)Taurus Constellation ## **7. Taurus Man Personality and General Temperament** Taurus signs are stable. They don’t experience a bunch of mood swings like other zodiac signs, such as Cancer or Pisces. When initially meeting a Taurus, they can be very charming and magnetic. Part of this is a function of their competitive nature, which commands them to try and win people over. Once that happens however, they charm dulls a bit. ## **8. Taurus Man Psychological Traits** While the Taurus man has a stable personality, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a soft spot. This is one sign that is highly sensitive to criticism – both imagined and real. When interacting with a Taurus, be mindful of your body language and tone. Taurus born signs will sometimes mistake something unintentional on the part of others as negative or critical in nature. Part of this has to do with their built in defense mechanisms against getting hurt. That’s just the way the bull is wired. Don’t try to change this in someone you know who is Taurus because it won’t work and could backfire. ## **9. Taurus Man Personality and Anxiety** Because Taurus is a fixed sign (the other ones [are Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/), [Leo (the lion)](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/), and Aquarius), it is not fond of change. In fact, they prefer things to remain constant. If a Taurus believes that a change in routine is about to happen or something will be altered as part of their regular ritual, they become anxious. In relationships, this can cause Taurus to have an anxious attachment style, which can be overwhelming. The key thing to remember here is that Taurus anxieties are usually triggered by a fear of change or loss. ## **10. Taurus Man Personality Summed Up** Taurus is a leadership sign. Determination, extreme focus and goal attainment are all part of this sign’s personality. A side-effect of this determination however can be stubbornness. As a result, this hyper-focused approach to reaching an identified goal can cause Taurus to engage in conflicts with others. Here, we are talking about co-workers, superiors and loved ones. Taurus will work himself/herself into the ground if left unchecked because they lack the ability to see self-harm. Taurus sign personalities like their routines and ritualization. Their circadian rhythm is wired very well because of the strong attachment to scheduled activities. This sign also pays particular attention to its environment with an emphasis on the home. Taurus signs like a comfortable, nurturing environment that promotes restoration and security. In short, these are home-bodies that are perfectly content chillaxing on the couch. It is for this reason they are often tagged as being “dull”. While others may view this as a negative trait, Taurus signs find inner-peace and harmony in ritualization. [![Taurus Compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Taurus-heart-2.png?resize=300%2C300&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Taurus-heart-2.png?ssl=1)Taurus Compatibility ## **11. Taurus Traits and Compatibility** Depending upon how well you know your own zodiac sign, you can almost guess which zodiacs Taurus men are compatible with. Here is a quick breakdown: Best Matches - [Taurus/Pisces](https://guycounseling.com/12-pisces-symbols-you-must-know/) = Excellent Match - Taurus/Cancer = Great Match - Taurus/Capricorn = Good Match Terrible Matches - Taurus/Gemini = Horrible - Taurus/Sagittarius = Bad - Taurus/Aquarius = Ugly Iffy Matches - Taurus/Scorpio (can be really great or really bad) - Taurus/Taurus (can be a total match or a bad idea) ![Taurus men and full moons](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saturn-moons.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Taurus men and full moons ## **12. Dating a Taurus Man** Taurus men tend to be very practical in their approach to selecting a mate. Because the Taurus male personality employs elements of careful thought and strategy as part of the selection process, it’s not likely he will sweep you off your feet. Remember, one of the key Taurus traits is simplicity and routine. Taurus men will hookup as a function of sexual need or desire but forming a relationship with one is often a game of strategy. Once a Taurus man has attached to you however, you need to know that he won’t go away soon. Loyalty is one of the main traits of Taurus. It’s unlikely he will step out on you during your relationship. Taurus guys are in things for the long haul – meaning love, romance and relationships! One observation about Taurus men and their personality. Because this is an earth sign, they are subject to influences from the earth’s moon. Specifically, during full moon, they become highly sexual. It is during this narrow window that Taurus men will step outside of their comfort zone and engage in intimate behaviors that are usually not their norm. ## **Dating a Taurus Woman** Females who were born under the zodiac sign of Taurus approach relationships different than their male counterparts. A key female Taurus Trait is the ability to seduce another as part of her competitive streak. Patient and gentle, she will wait for long periods of time to pass before making her move. Then watch out – she’s got you! If you are pursuing a Taurus woman, it would be wise to spend time romancing her and courting her a bit. You will also need to love on her and pamper her. Once she bonds with you, expect a very passionate, loyal and committed mate. Word of caution: Don’t cross a Taurus woman. She will get her revenge on you big time and at a time of her choosing! ## **13. If you are dating a Taurus Man, Keep the Following in Mind:** - They initially can be charmers and romancers. - Ditch any expectations of being wowed on new dates. - Accept that Taurus men are into rituals and routines. - Avoid overly negative remarks aimed towards Taurus because they are sensitive - Expect Taurus to compete for your love if other potential mates are in the mix. ## **14. If you are dating Taurus Woman, Keep the Following in Mind:** - Don’t try to rush things. She will move at her own speed. - She expects to be romanced and pampered. Don’t be cheap. - Appeal to her practical side. - Engage in conversations that go beyond sports and current events. - Cook her favorite meal and demonstrate you truly care for her needs. ![Taurus man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/channing-tatum.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sex with a Taurus man ## **15. What’s sex like with a Taurus Man?** Taurus men and women have passionate streaks. Don’t expect the first time in the sack to be a Fourth of July experience. Spontaneity is not Taurus trait or characteristic. When it comes to intimacy, you will likely need to be the one to initiate “new things”. After a period of time, your Taurus mate will adapt and then start asking for repeat activities that you made happen in the first place. As mentioned above, the exception to what’s mentioned here is a full moon. During this short period of time, Taurus men are vulnerable to higher sexual energy. ## **16. How to attract Taurus men** It will take time for a Taurus to bond. Do not expect instant results. They move at a much slower speed than other signs when it comes to love and romance. It’s that practicality “chip” that they struggle with. Taurus signs are best attracted by people who are funny but not over the top. If you have an overly gregarious personality, tone it down a bit with this sign. Think calm, relaxed and sensible. ## **17. Taurus Man Arousal Zones** Taurus signs are typically aroused by being touched around their shoulders and neck. They tend to hold a great deal of tension in these areas. When you touch them, do so gently because the muscles in these upper body parts are highly sensitive for Taurus. ## **Taurus Constellation Video** Above you will find a short video on the zodiac sign, Taurus. The presentation is about the Taurus constellation. If you have ever wondered about the history of Taurus, this is a great piece to watch. FYI: The ruling planet for Taurus is Venus. ![channing tatum Taurus man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/channing-tatum-is-a-taurus-man.jpg?resize=500%2C335&ssl=1)Channing Tatum is a Taurus Man ## **18. Famous Taurus Celebrities** - Henry Cavill - Channing Tatum ([see post on Green Eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/)!) - Megan Fox - Stephen Amell - Nikki Reed - Jessica Alba - Tina Fey - Cate Blanchett - George Clooney - John Cena - Robbie Amell ## **19. Male Taurus Health Issues** - Hypertension - Stress - Anxiety - Muscle aches ## **Taurus Poll** Below is a Taurus poll for you to vote in. Because there is a high probability that you are a Taurus, it is assumed the results of the poll will be somewhat biased. Consider partaking in the Taurus poll for the sake of fun! If you don’t see the poll because you are on a smartphone, click on this Taurus man poll. ## **20. Taurus Man Trait Myths** There are a number of Taurus trait myths that need to be addressed. For some reason, these seem to be floating around and they simply aren’t true. - Taurus signs are dull - Taurus signs don’t like to hook up - Taurus men are “big” because they are bulls (read between lines) - Taurus women are prissy - Taurus children are unruly ## 21. Taurus Men Are Not Selfish In Bed Just for fun, I’m throwing this last point up because there is a myth floating around that Taurus males are selfish in bed. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In most all cases, you will find the bull to be very generous and giving. Sadly, some people confuse his aggressive side for being self-focused. It’s simply not true. ## **Taurus Traits and Characteristics Book** If you are hoping to learn more about Taurus traits and characteristics, an excellent book to consider is *Taurus: The Ultimate Guide to an Amazing Zodiac Sign in Astrology.* Visit [Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3wYq6K6). [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00BER5ASK&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BER5ASK/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00BER5ASK&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=DOP2CJPWPPRKYWH3)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00BER5ASK)This Taurus trait and personality resource can be quickly downloaded to your electronic device. It’s fairly cheap at just a few bucks and is a worthwhile read if you want to dive deep into the Taurus sign! ## **Final Thoughts** The Taurus traits and personality information listed here revealed a great deal about the second House of the Zodiac. This is a wonderful sign that is generally happy, loving and stable. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, Leo, Pisces, scorpio, Taurus, Taurus Traits, Zodiac --- ### [7 Ways Capricorn and Cancer Are Compatible!](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-cancer-compatible/) **Published:** November 30, 2025 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ## **![cancer capricorn compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/cancer-capricorn.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [Capricorn and Cancer Are Compatible ](#Capricorn_and_Cancer_Are_Compatible) - [Capricorn and Cancer Revealed](#Capricorn_and_Cancer_Revealed) - [Capricorn and Cancer Traits](#Capricorn_and_Cancer_Traits) - [CAPRICORN TRAITS: December 22 – January 19](#CAPRICORN_TRAITS_December_22_%E2%80%93_January_19) - [CANCER: June 22 – July 22](#CANCER_June_22_%E2%80%93_July_22) - [Water Signs and Earth Signs](#Water_Signs_and_Earth_Signs) - [Cardinal Signs](#Cardinal_Signs) - [1. Sexual Energy](#1_Sexual_Energy) - [2. Love](#2_Love) - [3. Trust](#3_Trust) - [4. Financial](#4_Financial) - [“Capricorn and Cancer match well money-wise”](#%E2%80%9CCapricorn_and_Cancer_match_well_money-wise%E2%80%9D) - [5. Intellect](#5_Intellect) - [6. Communication](#6_Communication) - [7. Shared interests](#7_Shared_interests) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## **Capricorn and Cancer Are Compatible**  **Capricorn and Cancer** are said to be **highly compatible** but is that really true? Does the hype about these two signs live up to the reality? Moreover, can the crab and goat vibe sexually and romantically? If you are seeking answers to these questions, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this post is all about Capricorn and Cancer with insight you’ll find no place else. **In this article, you will learn:** - The shared traits of Cancer and Capricorn - The unique traits of Cancer - The special attributes of Capricorn - How earth and water signs interact - The influence of the moon on both zodiacs - 7 ways Cancer and Capricorn are highly compatible Before we dive too deep, you have a right to know who is authoring this piece. Right away, I need to tell you that I’m not a psychic or astrologer. Instead, I’m a shaman who is trained in the healing arts. For reasons that do not question, I am drawn to the world of ancient mysticism. I’m also [a Virgo man](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/). Using the principles of Jungian psychology, coupled with teachings passed on through the ages, I will reveal to you the specific reasons why Capricorn and Cancer are super compatible. In this way, we will explore the match between the duo using a blend of spiritualism with psychology; something that is commonly referred to as psycho-spirituality (Kilpatrick, 2005). ![Cancer and Capricorn - a Match in love?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer and Capricorn – a Match? ## **Capricorn and Cancer Revealed** Over the years, I’ve learned that Cancer is not always a good match with other zodiacs. The same holds true for Capricorn, one of the most misunderstood signs in all of astrology. Sadly, Capricorn often gets tagged with being flat and dull. But as we continue along the way, you’ll see this simply isn’t true. Conversely, Cancer is often thought of as overly sensitive and emotional. That’s why some believe it is best [matched with Pisces](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/), another feeler. But this too is also a misnomer. As you continue reading, bear in mind that the material below is gender neutral, focusing exclusively on the pairing between Cancer and Capricorn. You have my promise everything that follows will be presented in a direct, non-complicated way and devoid of ridiculous astro-babble. Look for helpful tips that have been interwoven into each of the match areas. Hopefully, you’ll experience a few takeaways that can be applied to your unique situation. Let’s start by reviewing the list of shared traits between both signs. This will be your foundation for all that is to come. ## Capricorn and Cancer Traits | TRAIT | CAPRICORN | CANCER | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Intuitive | | x | | Adventurous | x | x | | Dominant | x | | | Autonomous | x | | | Creative | | x | | Imaginative | | x | | Loyal | x | x | | Feelers | | x | ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/goat.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "capricorn is represented by a goat")Capricorn is represented by the goat ## **CAPRICORN TRAITS: December 22 – January 19** Capricorns fall under the tenth house in the traditions of horoscopic astrology. When you hear “house”, think of this as a metaphor for an energy structure that holds personality traits. The sign is ruled exclusively by the ringed planet Saturn, located a whopping 746 miles from where you are right now. It is the third largest celestial body in our solar system, next to Jupiter and the sun. Ancient lore tells us that the symbolic goat was flung outward from deep inside the planet’s core, traveling at the speed of light to earth. Just before arriving, it was zapped with lightning by [Capricornus’s](https://www.space.com/21414-capricornus-constellation.html) spiral galaxies, gifting the sign with strange powers of wisdom. **Primary Traits of Capricorn (positive and negative):** - Hardworking - Loyal - Demanding - Patient - Friendly - Traditional - Sexually frustrated - Arrogant - Compassionate - Super independent - Smart with money ![cancer symbol is a crab](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/blue-crab-478183_640.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer is represented by the crab ## **CANCER: June 22 – July 22** Cancers are born under the fourth house of the zodiac. Inside of its doors holds the energies of love, family, traditions, and compassion. The sign’s ruling planet is the moon, located nearly 29,000 miles from planet earth. It is from this positioning in the sky that Cancer’s powers emanate. The mystics tell us that the moon is symbolic of deeply held beliefs, the unconscious and maternal instincts. It is also a celestial body that is said to grant Cancer with uncanny empathic powers. **Primary Cancer Traits (Positive and Negative):** - Warm - Empathic - Sensitive - Intuitive - Prone to worry - Clingy - Intellectual - Caring - Protective - Animal lover - Big on family - Romantic - Loves to talk ![Earth and water signs explored](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/astrology-match-cosmic-art.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Earth and water signs explored ## **Water Signs and Earth Signs** [Cancer is a water sign](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/), meaning these folks dive deep. People who belong to this elemental group are characteristically intuitive and empathic. Water signs are considered to be the “feelers” of the universe. [Capricorn is an earth sign](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/), meaning it is grounded. Those born under this elemental group are usually practical and stable. They also are known for creating solid futures. ## **Cardinal Signs** The mystics teach us that Cancer and Capricorn are both Cardinal signs. This means they hold the power to create change with intense energy. When you think of Cardinal signs, think about the change of seasons. Notice Capricorn ushers in North American winter on December 22. Cancer begins June 22, the first day of summer. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/capricorns-and-cancers.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sexual energy ## **1. Sexual Energy** The physical attraction that exists between Capricorn and Cancer is intense. At first glance, this phenomenon may seem impossible because of their differences. But the hard truth is they are drawn to each other like moths to a flame. The goat’s sexual vibe can be challenging to pick up on by other zodiacs. It just operates on a different frequency. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be heard. Cancer, using its strong empathic abilities, can dial into Capricorn’s energy and sense what others cannot. Moreover, because the crab is intuitive, Cancer can hear what the goat needs without it ever having to speak a word. On many levels, the connection is psychic. It is said that when a Cancer is wearing a [ruby birthstone](https://amzn.to/2v9tv8P), that connection is amplified. In the bedroom, the pair experience a magnetic joining that is difficult to describe. Capricorn’s wild side comes out while Cancer is drawn to the goat’s warmth. Their connection transcends time and spacetime and space. But when you think about things, it makes total sense. One is [ruled by Saturn](https://guycounseling.com/saturn-astrology-mythology-science/), a planet that alchemists heralded as transformative. The other by the moon; a celestial body that the ancients believe impacts sexual desire. An earth sign and a water sign. Their sexual chemistry is powerfully unique. ### **Cancer Moon** Because Cancer is a water sign, it is critical to point out that it’s heavily influenced by our moon. If you believe the moon effects how a person feels, it’s easy to see why. When a full moon happens, Cancer experiences a pulse of energy that vibrates with transformative Capricorn. You may be curious as to why? It’s simple. Cancerian energy can break through Capricorn’s tough veneer and supercharge the goat’s libido. During this period, the two can mate for hours while connecting on multiple plains. ![Cancer ruled by moon](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saturn-moons.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer is ruled by the moon ## **2. Love** The emotional bond between Capricorn and Cancer is palliative. Additionally, it is built on a high degree of trust. When you consider the traits of both signs, it makes complete sense. The goat approaches all things in life with caution. However, once it feels it can trust the crab, it quickly bonds. But that trust must be earned and takes time to develop. It takes a compassionate, loving, and nurturing sign like Cancer, to warm the goat’s heart. Once it feel’s safe, the duo vibrates in unison. Cancer is drawn to emotional challenges. Because of the goat’s quiet demeanor, the crab is enthralled with Capricorn’s mystery. There exists an unspoken, karmic bond between the two that is loving and supportive. In many ways, the pair balances each other out. Capricorn soothes Cancer’s passions. conversely, Cancer supercharges Capricorn’s love-flame. ![Capricorn is rules by Saturn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/saturn-is-a-ringed-planet.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Saturn rules Capricorn ## **3. Trust** The level of trust that exists between Cancer and Capricorn is enduring and powerful. Much of this is because both signs spend a great deal of time forming the bond itself. It’s important to recognize that the goat and crab are generally distrustful of others. However, once a connection is made and the relationship unfolds, trust begins to grow. Cancer is a communicator and loves to talk. Capricorn is more stoic, sharing only what it needs to with those who are not close. Think of a goat feeding from your hand. At first, it is hesitant, fearful of being harmed. But the more it feeds, the less worried it becomes. In time, it instinctively knows that it’s OK to be vulnerable. This is how it is with Capricorn and Cancer. The goat understands that it can be itself with the crab. On the flip side, Cancer recognizes that Capricorn is extremely loyal; something all water signs put a premium on in romantic relationships. ![trust between capricorn cancer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cosmic-match-capricorn-cancer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Trust becomes powerful after bond forms ## **4. Financial** One of the most powerful ways Capricorn and Cancer connect relates to money. The goat is a planner and saver, carefully setting realistic financial goals for the future. Conversely, the crab desires safety and protection. This is particularly true where children are involved because of the sign’s strong parental instincts. It is for these reasons Capricorn and Cancer match well money-wise. That is not to say there aren’t disagreements. It happens and sometimes frequently. Almost always, the issues center on spending priorities. Remember, Capricorn is a highly practical sign. If it doesn’t see value in a purchase, it would rather sock that money away towards a goal. Cancer, on the other hand, is OK with spending money on something that creates memories. It takes a gentle sign like Cancer to nudge the goat into loosening up on its miserly ways. When arguments do occur, the crab usually wins out. But for that to happen, Cancer must show Capricorn the value in what’s being purchased. > ## “Capricorn and Cancer match well money-wise” ## **5. Intellect** Earlier, we examined the unique attributes of earth and water signs. Their elemental qualities are important because it is their differences that – paradoxically – make the two connect. Cancer is a highly creative sign, gifted with writing. It sees meaning in the complex and has a knack for understanding the human side of complex issues. Capricorn, conversely, can sometimes struggle with black or white thinking. Their thoughts are practical in purpose and tend to take on “step by step” approach. In this way, both signs stimulate one another. The crab has a way of helping the goat see things from a different perspective. Conversely, the goat pushes the crab to see issues as they are and not how they are imagined to be. Both signs are highly intelligent – just in different ways. Capricorn is excellent with business matters, finances, and managing people. Cancer does well working with groups, particularly in coaching and leadership roles. What one sign may be missing, the other compensates for in an almost uncanny way. ![man reading book](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/man-reading-book.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)They are generally smart ## **6. Communication** In the beginning, communication between these two signs can be challenging. This makes sense when you reflect on their elemental orientations. Bear in mind one is a water sign \[emotional\] and the other is an earth sign \[grounded\]. After time passes and their bond strengthens, communication is free flowing and easy. What’s amazing about the pairing’s communication style is how it can vacillate from the practical to the deep. Moreover, when in the presence of one another, the two needn’t use words to “speak”. That’s because their psychic bond is extremely strong. That said, there can be times when the goat and crab spar. Cancer is a natural born talker. It can go on forever and a day about a given topic, particularly when it becomes worried. The crab is also prone to nagging. It’s just the sign’s nature. It doesn’t mean to annoy. Capricorn, being a patient and wise goat, absorbs much of Cancer’s anxiety. But there can reach a point when the nagging becomes too much, causing the goat to stomp its hooves down and declare: “Enough!”. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, the aftermath usually blows over quickly. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/mountain.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cancer and Capricorn – a timeless pairing ## **7. Shared interests** Interests shared between Capricorn and Cancer are plentiful. By nature, the crab isn’t fussy about activities so long as they include bonding time with the goat. Both signs enjoy time outdoors with Capricorn gravitating towards the mountains and Cancer, the sea. Both enjoy movies and documentaries with Cancer being slightly more in tune with pop culture. Because both are cardinal signs, they enjoy new things. This means both are open to trying different activities. One note of caution – Cancer is very protective and can become concerned about safety when Capricorn gets too adventurous. The challenge for the duo will be finding time to spend together. Because Capricorn can spend hours absorbed in business matters, it can sometimes cause friction. It will be important for the goat to remember the importance of work-life balance while bearing in mind that just like a career, romantic relationships must be nurtured. ![couple walking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/couple-walking.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Wrap Up** Hopefully, you have found the material shared above to be useful. As you can see, the duo are highly compatible. Generally speaking, the crab and goat find that their relationships are long-term. The pairing also makes for excellent parents, offering a loving, financially stable and nurturing home for children. Capricorn and Cancer. A unique duo destined to be with one another since the dawn of time. – **References:** Kilpatrick, S. (2005). *The Psychospiritual Clinician’s Handbook.* Binghamton, NY: Haworth Press. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, Virgo --- ### [7 Ways Scorpio and Aquarius Are Highly Compatible](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-aquarius-compatibility/) **Published:** November 30, 2025 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ## ![Scorpio Aquarius](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/scorpio-aquarius.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Scorpio and Aquarius match incredibly well](#Scorpio_and_Aquarius_match_incredibly_well) - [Aquarius and Scorpio Revealed](#Aquarius_and_Scorpio_Revealed) - [Scorpio and Aquarius Traits](#Scorpio_and_Aquarius_Traits) - [Aquarius: January 20 – February 18](#Aquarius_January_20_%E2%80%93_February_18) - [Air Sign Primer](#Air_Sign_Primer) - [Scorpio: October 23 – November 21](#Scorpio_October_23_%E2%80%93_November_21) - [Water Sign Basics](#Water_Sign_Basics) - [Do Scorpio and Aquarius Match?](#Do_Scorpio_and_Aquarius_Match) - [1. Love](#1_Love) - [2. Sexual Energy](#2_Sexual_Energy) - [3. Interests](#3_Interests) - [4. Communication](#4_Communication) - [5. Trust](#5_Trust) - [6. Intellect](#6_Intellect) - [7. Money](#7_Money) - [Summary of Scorpio and Aquarius](#Summary_of_Scorpio_and_Aquarius) ## Scorpio and Aquarius match incredibly well We often hear that **Scorpio and Aquarius** are a terrible match but few reasons are ever given why. Are the rumors based on urban legend or is their some truth behind the buzz? If you landed on this page, you probably want to know more about the compatibility of these two signs. Assuming the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this post is **all about Scorpio and Aquarius** with the insight you’ll get nowhere else. **In this article, you will learn:** - The shared traits of Scorpio and Aquarius - [The unique traits of Aquarius](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) - The mysterious attributes of Scorpio - How this air and water sign interact - Special challenges facing each sign - 7 ways Scorpio and Aquarius are compatible Right off the bat, I want to state clearly that I am not an astrologer or psychic. That said, I am a Scorpio man who has been trained in the field of psychology. For reasons that I do not fully understand, I am drawn to the world of ancient mysticism. All that follows is a product of that interest. Drawing upon the famous work of Carl Jung’s archetypes (Hageback, 1988), I often write about astrology as a pathway to self-insight. This necessarily means I will infuse various aspects of psycho-spiritualism: a $10.00 term used to describe the blending of psychology and spirituality. ![scorpio men and aquarius women](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Uranus-and-Saturn.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Aquarius and Scorpio Revealed As part of my research, I’ve learned that not all signs are a good match for Aquarius. The same holds true of Scorpio. You may be thinking this is true of all signs. Perhaps you are right. But let’s be honest. **Aquarius is one of the least understood in astrology**. Both women and men born under this sign are tagged with being distant and rebellious. On the flip side, Scorpio is often portrayed mysterious, often pegged with being overly sexual and vindictive. But in the context of romantic relationships, are the stereotypes true? You are about to find out. As you continue reading, keep in mind the material has been presented in a gender-neutral way, focusing only on the pairing between Scorpio and Aquarius. My promise to you as a website visitor is to share information that is free of astro-babble and cuts right to the chase. Woven into various parts of this post are suggestions for how to best handle Aquarius and Scorpio relationships. A bit further down, this page, you’ll see a video about each sign’s elemental representation (air and water). I encourage you to watch them both to help deepen your understanding of the pairing. We’ll begin by looking at each sign’s primary traits. Make a mental note of their similarities and differences. This will serve as foundational material for all that follows. After surveying each, we will examine how Scorpio and Aquarius match in 7 key areas. ## Scorpio and Aquarius Traits Notice the similarities and differences in the Scorpio Aquarius pairing | TRAIT | AQUARIUS | SCORPIO | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Intuitive | x | x | | Adventurous | x | | | Dominant | x | x | | Autonomous | x | x | | Creative | x | x | | Imaginative | x | x | | Loyal | x | x | | Feelers | | x | ![Aquarius Constellation in full view](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/aquarius-constellation.jpg?resize=453%2C453&ssl=1)Aquarius constellation ## Aquarius: January 20 – February 18 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Aquarius (also called Aquarians) are born into the “eleventh house” of the zodiac. In the metaphorical sense, a “house” is nothing more than a term used to describe a structure that holds metaphysical traits. If you were to walk through the door of this house, you would immediately detect energy that vibes out a sense of openness and comradery. The presence of high intelligence and free thinking would also enter your awareness. Aquarius is jointly ruled by Saturn and Uranus. This is important to know because both celestial bodies gift the sign unique abilities. Located 1.6 billion miles from earth, Uranus is said to infuse Aquarius with a deep belief in freedom of expression. It also gives Aquarians the ability to see new possibilities. The sign’s other ruling planet, Saturn, located 746 million miles from your present location, is thought to grant Aquarius with inventive abilities and a high degree of intelligence. People who are born under this sign are independent thinkers. They often march to the beat of a different drummer and could care less if others like that beat beat or not. When you hear Aquarius – think of people who stand up to traditional conventions. **Main Aquarius Traits (Pro and Con):** - Inventive - Uninhibited - Stable - Outgoing - Fun and easy going - Free-thinkers - Rebellious - Charming - Easily bored - Sarcastic - Independent - Challenges authority ## **Air Sign Primer** Aquarius is represented by the elemental sign of air. At their core, air signs are thought to be: - Free-thinkers - Highly independent - Non-judgmental - Investigative and smart There are only three air signs: Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius respectively. ![Scorpio and cancer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio1.jpg?resize=451%2C451&ssl=1)Scorpio constellation ## **Scorpio: October 23 – November 21** People who are born under the Scorpio sign fall under the “eight house” of the zodiac. If you were to imagine walking through the front door, you would immediately sense energies symbolizing logic, passion, bonding, and mystery. Scorpio is ruled by two planets, Mars and Pluto. Located fourth in distance from our sun, Mars is considered a “hot” planet. On the other hand, Pluto – once categorized as our ninth planet – is extremely cold. It’s also one of the most mysterious celestial bodies in our solar system. For the record, Mars is 141 million miles from our sun. Pluto is further out, at approximately 737 million miles. These two factoids are important to know because it gives you a sense of the hot/cold polarities Scorpio personalities vibrate. People born under this sign are indeed mysterious. They are also highly focused and at times struggle with being obsessive. But they are also passionate and empathic. When you think of Scorpio, think of strong, dominant people who often make their presence known without having to speak a word. **Main Scorpio Traits (Pro and Con):** - Intense - Loyal - Mysterious - Highly Sexual - Intuitive - Obsessive - Reclusive - Distrustful - Empathic - Jealous - Logical ## Water Sign Basics Scorpio’s natural element is water. Typical traits of water signs include: - Highly empathic - Intuitive - Emotionally deep - Intuitive (some say psychic) - Easily wounded There are only three water signs. Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio respectively. ## Do Scorpio and Aquarius Match? Now that you know the basics of each sign, it’s time to answer the question: *Do Scorpio and Aquarius match?* The short answer is  – **yes**. In fact, they are highly – and strangely – compatible. Let’s take a look at seven specific reasons why. As you read through each area, keep an open mind. If possible allow yourself to put aside any preconceived notions. This will help you to fully absorb the material. ![happy couple marriage](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/happy-couple.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 1. Love The emotional bond shared between Aquarius and Scorpio is deep and enduring. Operating on three specific vibrations that closely mirror Lee’s love styles (Grieve, 2017), the signs are emotionally drawn to one another based on a trio of high trust, a need for companionship, and practicality. What’s important to know is that **Aquarius and Scorpio are fiercely independent**. This is a double-edged sword. In this way, the “good” comes from allowing one another space to engage in various interests. Because Scorpio can be distant at times, it can be a problem for other signs who may feel neglected. Aquarius, however, understands this dynamic. That’s because the air sign also requires space to partake in creative and inventive projects. But here is the “bad” … Both signs can become so consumed in their own interests that they run the risk of letting their physical connection turn atrophy. It is for this reason that Scorpio and Aquarius must make time for one another to bond. It is worth mentioning this is the complete opposite of how Pisces (another water sign) connects with Scorpio – where the physical connection is magnetic ([See Pisces men post](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)). That said, when physical intimacy occurs between these signs, it is powerful. ## 2. Sexual Energy To be blunt, the sexual energy between Scorpio and Aquarius is unlike any other in the astrological universe. In fact, it can be explosive. Vibing heat from Mars, Scorpio comes off as intense and dominant. Adding to its persona, Pluto also infuses Scorpio with a mysterious energy – one that is paradoxically magnetic. Many signs cannot handle this vibration because it is simply “too much”. However, Aquarius is not intimidated. In fact, because of the air sign’s playful personality, it views each encounter as a challenge. Moreover, Aquarius is not one to be told what to do in the bedroom. Instead, the sign much prefers sexual versatility with a penchant for trying new things. This is where Aquarius and Scorpio strangely bond. Both are fixed signs – meaning they are often set in their own ways. One might think this fact makes the duo incompatible when in reality, it’s exactly the opposite. Instead, both challenge one another to move outside of their comfort zones during physical intimacy. Time spent together behind closed doors tends to be extended and passionate. Scorpio has one advantage over Aquarius. Because it is gifted with a strong sense of intuition, the sign is able to  to “read” what Aquarius is thinking and feeling. This allows the water sign to penetrate Aquarian logic and tap into the air sign’s physical needs. Conversation during intimacy is usually limited to playful talk with Aquarius focused on exploration and Scorpio on passion. Finally, on this compatibility point, you need to know that both of these signs are highly intellectual. This matters as both can tap into one another’s minds as part of the lovemaking process. Let’s move on to interests. ![Aquarius and Scorpio Compatibility ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/cute-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aquarius and Scorpio have shared interests ## 3. Interests One of the strongest compatibility areas between Aquarius and Scorpio are shared interests. There are a number of reasons for this, including natural curiosity about what makes things tick. Aquarius – a sign that is known to question conventional wisdom – gravitates towards science and politics. Scorpio shares these interests with a penchant for the supernatural. Both signs like to travel, empowered by their joint sense of adventure. Moreover, [both enjoy the outdoors](https://guycounseling.com/outdoorsman-personality-traits/), with Aquarius gravitating towards mountainous regions and Scorpio towards large bodies of water. Historical movies, dramas, and comedies make for great forms of entertainment as both signs can enjoy these genres. While Scorpio and Aquarius are fixed, it is usually Aquarius who acts as the catalyst for trying new things. The air sign’s strong pull towards fresh experiences is contagious for Scorpio, making new adventures irresistible. One final point here – both are naturally athletic and enjoy exercise and team sports. ## 4. Communication This is another area where a healthy bond is shared between the two signs. It’s important to state formulation of this bond is not instant. You may be wondering why? Simply put, Scorpio (by nature) is a distrustful creature whereas Aquarius is more open. Aquarians are also fact-based people, meaning at times their dialogue can be dispassionate. Scorpio, while also fact-based, requires an emotional connection as part of intimacy. Aquarius does not injure easily and looks almost exclusively at the facts. Conversely, Scorpio is easily wounded, although a master at hiding feelings from the world. This is being mentioned because it is an area that needs to be focused on during the early stages of a relationship if a couple hopes to survive. Once both signs tune into one another, conversation is usually not a problem. Points of discussion usually revolve around current events, social justice, politics, science, and spirituality. The innate differences between these two signs are what paradoxically makes conversation lively – and interesting. It is imperative, however, that Scorpio keep in mind Aquarians have little patience for the mistreatment of others. This means Scorpio needs to let Aquarius talk about the specific perceived injustices of others and not cut off conversation. On the flip side, Aquarius must remember that Scorpios often become obsessed with a given issue – to the point that it becomes annoying. The best way to handle this is to gently encourage Scorpio to look at things differently but not attempt to stop the obsessing. It won’t work and could backfire. ## ![cute black couple holding hands](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/black-couple-holding-hands.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)5. Trust It is a misnomer that trust is difficult between Aquarius and Scorpio. It is more accurate to state that trust is not instant. Here is why: Unlike Scorpio and Cancer ([see post on Scorpio and Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/)) where fidelity occurs instantly, Aquarius open (and sometimes unemotional) persona can act as a barrier. One of the few signs that can penetrate deep into the Aquarian psyche is Scorpio. But for that to happen, there needs to be a high degree of communication (see number 4 above). After this link is established, trust begins to strengthen in major ways. This means physical, emotional, and financial trust. Now let’s be real for a moment about this trust issue. Both Scorpio and Aquarius are known for having a wandering eye. Aquarius at times acts impulsively. Scorpio does too but is much more calculating. This is being mentioned because cheating can happen unless there is a firm agreement between both signs to remain exclusive. Even then – both will continue to check other people out. **That is never going to change**. But merely looking verses acting are two different things. If you are one of these signs, you will need to arrive at a place of acceptance on this front while owning your own behaviors. If you can do this (aka being OK with looking but not acting) trust will be enduring. ## 6. Intellect When you pair a Scorpion and Aquarian together, you have a very smart couple. This not being mentioned as mere hyperbole. Instead, it’s just a fact. Aquarius is focused on two life areas: The here and now and the future. Almost obsessively, the sign thinks about new possibilities and creating change. In an uncanny way, the sign seems to be born with a “chip” that makes it ask: *Why does it have to be this way?* Like Aquarius, Scorpio shares these traits. The small difference being Scorpio’s deep interest in the afterlife. Topical conversations between the two often center on current events and the future. Aquarius is heavily gifted in the areas of math and science. Scorpio in psychology and language. In this way, one sign’s strong traits compensate for the other’s weakness. It is, for this reason, they the pairing makes for a highly intellectual couple. Talk about unique! ## 7. Money This is an easy bonding area for both signs. Scorpio needs security and safety. Aquarius also requires these things but with less intensity. That said, there isn’t much daylight that separates the two on finances. Both are highly disciplined with saving and spending and both view money as a pathway to personal freedom. That’s not to say the two signs don’t prioritize spending in different ways. Aquarians like helping people. Translation: Giving money to the needy or to special causes is important to them. On the other hand, Scorpio likes to hoard cash – with the exception of spending money on personal care items such as a [popular cologne](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). The sign also likes spending money on mates. In romantic relationships, both need to grow accustomed to different financial priorities to avoid friction. Still, the differences are minor when compared to the big picture. Both Aquarius and Scorpio are great with money. ## Summary of Scorpio and Aquarius Regardless of rumors, you may hear elsewhere, Scorpio and Aquarius are a lot more compatible than some people think. Once the bond has been established, the relationship can last for many years. Scorpio is resistant to change. Aquarius loves to change things up. It is their unique differences that magnetically draw them together. If you are looking for more insight on personal relationships, astrology, and psycho-spirituality, a great book to consider is The Secret Language of Relationships by Avery. See [Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2BGtnQg). Hopefully, this piece helped to shed insight about a pairing in astrology that is widely misunderstood – and mischaracterized. **References:** Grieve, R. (2017, February 14). There Are Six Styles Of Love. Which One Best Describes You? Retrieved from Life Hacker: https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2017/02/there-are-six-styles-of-love-which-one-best-describes-you/ Hageback, N. (1988). Jung, archetypes and mirroring in organizational change management: Lessons from a longitudinal case study. Journal of Organizational Change Management. **Learn More:** [Traits of the Cancer man](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/) [Capricorn man personality](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/) [Leo men traits](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aquarius, Astrology, Compatibility, scorpio --- ### [7 Ways The Virgo Man and Scorpio Woman Match!](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-scorpio-compatibility/) **Published:** November 30, 2025 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![virgo scorpio ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/virgo-scorpio.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Virgo and Scorpio: A unique pairing. Table of Contents Toggle - [Do Virgo and Scorpio Match?](#Do_Virgo_and_Scorpio_Match) - [Virgo and Scorpio revealed](#Virgo_and_Scorpio_revealed) - [Traits and characteristics of both signs](#Traits_and_characteristics_of_both_signs) - [VIRGO: AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22](#VIRGO_AUGUST_23_%E2%80%93_SEPTEMBER_22) - [Major Virgo Traits (Positive and Negative)](#Major_Virgo_Traits_Positive_and_Negative) - [SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21](#SCORPIO_OCTOBER_23_%E2%80%93_NOVEMBER_21) - [Major Scorpio Traits: Positive and Negative](#Major_Scorpio_Traits_Positive_and_Negative) - [Earth and Water Signs](#Earth_and_Water_Signs) - [Fixed and Mutable Signs](#Fixed_and_Mutable_Signs) - [Why Do Virgo and Scorpio Match?](#Why_Do_Virgo_and_Scorpio_Match) - [1. Sexual Chemistry](#1_Sexual_Chemistry) - [“The physical connection is explosive”](#%E2%80%9CThe_physical_connection_is_explosive%E2%80%9D) - [2. Love](#2_Love) - [3. Trust](#3_Trust) - [“Both signs are cautious in nature”](#%E2%80%9CBoth_signs_are_cautious_in_nature%E2%80%9D) - [4. Finances](#4_Finances) - [5. Intellect](#5_Intellect) - [6. Communication](#6_Communication) - [7. Interests](#7_Interests) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Do Virgo and Scorpio Match? We often hear that Virgo and Scorpio are compatible, but few reasons are given why. Is there any truth behind the rumors? Moreover, can an earth sign really vibe with a water sign? The answers to these questions and many more are revealed on this page. Before diving deep, you have a right to know who is authoring this piece. It’s simple really. [I am a Virgo man](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/) with my sun in Virgo and moon in Scorpio. I know all about being in love with a **Scorpio woman**. I also happen to be a shaman from California and member of the Choctaw Indian Nation. As a healer who believes that all of us have spiritual energy, I’ve spent much of my life studying astrology. The focus of my work centers on zodiac matches with a specific emphasis on Virgos. For reasons that I don’t fully understand, I’ve been drawn to the psycho-spiritual since I was a child. It’s important you know that I don’t hold myself out as an astrologer or a psychic. What I can tell you is that I’ve learned to lean into my analytical skills; something all Virgos are blessed with from the time of birth. In many ways, this gift is a blessing and a curse. If you identify with my sign, you know exactly what I mean. Using wisdom passed on from the ancients, I write about Zodiac signs like Scorpio and Virgo to help readers like you better understand compatibility. ![zodiac match virgo and scorpio](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/fantasy-moon.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio and Virgo a match? ## Virgo and Scorpio revealed I’ve learned that not all signs match well with Virgo; the only zodiac that is known to channel female energy, regardless of biological gender. Conversely, I’ve also learned that Scorpio is a challenging sign that takes a special person to understand. I don’t mean this as a knock. I’m just telling you like it is. Both signs share similarities. Paradoxically, what one is missing the other compensates for. Additionally, both Zodiacs are highly analytical with a penchant for detail. If you are [a Scorpio man](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) looking for insight into Virgo, this post is for you. On the flipside, if you are a **Virgo woman** searching for compatibility answers, you’ll find the material shared here useful as well. Before we dive deep, everything appearing below has been generalized to both signs, regardless of gender. That’s because the pairing shares universal traits that have nothing to do with anatomy. My promise is to give you the **real deal about Virgo-Scorpio relationships** in a way that is free of ridiculous astro-babble. After all, you’ve come here to learn about zodiac compatibility so why things complicated? Woven into the match areas, I’ve included special insight on how to work through problem areas. You’ll also find a video on both signs; something I hope serves as a pathway to deeper understanding. Let’s start out by assessing the unique traits of both signs in the chart below. ## Traits and characteristics of both signs | TRAIT | VIRGO | SCORPIO | |---|---|---| | Intellectual | x | x | | Empathic | | x | | Competitive | x | x | | Protective | x | x | | Dominant | | x | | Introverted | | x | | Extroverted | x | | | Imaginative | x | x | | Adventurous | x | x | | Emotional | | x | | Introverted | | x | ![virgo sign symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/virgo-sign-symbol.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Virgo – The Maiden ## VIRGO: AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22 In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Virgos are both under the “Sixth House”. This is a fancy term used to describe a metaphysical structure that contains personality traits which are infused into an individual’s core. Virgo is ruled exclusively by the planet Mercury, located 48 million miles from where you are located right now. According to ancient lore, it is from this planet where the sign’s primary traits emanate. Those born under this sign are gifted with deep analytical and observational skills. Virgos also care a great deal about their personal health and the well-being of others. ## Major Virgo Traits (Positive and Negative) - Practical - Reliable - Analytical - Overly critical - Fussy - Harsh - Judgmental - Modest - Charming - Intelligent - Friendly - Health Conscious ![Scorpio sun sign symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/scorpio-2689945_1280.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scorpio: The Arachnid ## SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21 Scorpios are born under the “Eighth House” in the traditions of horoscopic astrology. If you were to open the door to this home, you would sense the presence of mystery, logic, mystery, and intimacy. The sign is ruled by two planets: Mars and Pluto. Knowing this is critical because one is hot (Mars) and the other extremely cold (Pluto). The ancients tell us that Mars represents passion, energy, and desire. Pluto, on the other hand, represents mystery, secrecy, obsessiveness, death, and renewal. ## Major Scorpio Traits: Positive and Negative - Logical - Empathic - Curious - Jealous - Vindictive - Sometimes distant - Highly sexual - Intense - Loyal - Mysterious - Charming - Sexually dominant ![Earth and Water Signs in Astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cosmic-match-capricorn-cancer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Earth and Water Signs ## Earth and Water Signs Virgo is an earth sign. In the astrological sense, this means they are grounded people with a penchant for the practical. People born under the influence of Mercury are stable and take a well-balanced approach to life. Scorpio is a water sign. Persons born under this elemental group are deep like the oceans. All water signs are intuitive and often empathic, which is a fancy way of saying psychic. ## Fixed and Mutable Signs Mythology teaches us that Virgo is a mutable sign. In other words, they are able to adapt to various situations and go with the flow. Think laid back and adjustable when you hear Virgo. Ancient mysticism also tells us that Scorpio is a fixed sign. This means they are stable and focused but not the greatest with change. In fact, adaptation can sometimes be difficult for this zodiac. Think about a fondness for routines and a desire for familiarity when you hear Scorpio. ## Why Do Virgo and Scorpio Match? Now that you have a basic overview of both signs, it’s time to explore the 7 unique ways they match. ![virgo and Scorpio in love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Intimacy is powerful ## 1. Sexual Chemistry The sexual vibe between Scorpio and Virgo is powerful. At first glance, this may seem impossible but upon closer inspection, we find the opposite is true. Because Virgo’s libido is difficult to detect, it can be hard for other signs to “tune” into its desires. But that doesn’t mean “The Maiden” \[Virgo’s symbol\] doesn’t want a physical connection. Scorpio, using its deep empathic skills, can dial into Virgo’s desires and intuit the maiden’s needs. Did you know Scorpios are part of the [arachnid family](https://entomology.unl.edu/class-arachnida) (University of Nebraska, 2018)? They are, just like spiders. In other words, Scorpios use their “spidey senses” to intuit what others are thinking. In the privacy of the bedroom, the physical connection is explosive. Typically, Scorpio will assume the dominant role. Virgo, while sexually versatile, often will move into the submissive. The karmic connection between the pairing comes from their differences. Virgo is reserved while Scorpio, mysterious. Each balance out what the other lacks. One important note: The sexual energy that Scorpio vibes out can be overwhelming. Legend holds that when Virgo wears a ring containing [sapphire](https://amzn.to/2MSmwLy) (natural birthstone), it can match and exceed Scorpion sexual energy. ## *“The physical connection is explosive”* ## 2. Love The emotional connection between Scorpio and Virgo is strong. It’s also a bond that takes time to develop. But doesn’t this make sense when you consider each sign’s attributes? Practical Virgo approaches relationships from the intellectual level. It is cautious and therefore must work past its rational side to feel love. It takes a mysterious, puzzling sign like Scorpio for the maiden to be pulled in. Conversely, Virgo represents a challenge to Scorpio because it wants to zone in on the maiden’s feelings; something Virgos are very good at guarding. Once the pairing moves past the initial stages of courtship and develops a sense of trust, the emotional bond becomes rock solid. As more time passes, both tune into one another and begin to vibrate on the same love frequency. Scorpio is drawn to emotional puzzles. Virgo is attracted to the strong, silent type. As the duo settles into their relational orbit, their bond grows. Each continues to compensate for what the other may lack. Virgo soothes Scorpio’s passions. On the flipside, Scorpio ignites Virgo’s love flame. The critical thing Scorpio needs to keep in mind is that it takes time for love to blossom. Virgo must be open to sharing deep feelings. ![scorpios and virgos surreal sunset](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/capricorns-and-cancers.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Trust between Virgos and Scorpios ## 3. Trust Trust does not come easy between Virgo and Scorpio in the beginning. Much of this is linked to each sign’s core traits. Both signs are cautious in nature with Virgo being more open to new experiences. Once both recognize they share an emotional and intellectual connection, the sense of safety between the pairing increases. Over time, this equates to a high degree of trust. Scorpio, who likes to control almost everything, eventually trusts Virgo to make important decisions. This is no easy feat for this sign. Conversely, Virgo trusts Scorpio to attend to its emotional needs; something that doesn’t come naturally for the maiden. The key thing Virgo needs to keep in mind is that trust takes time to develop. For Scorpio, it must learn to keep its jealousy in check. ## *“Both signs are cautious in nature”* ## 4. Finances In the area of money, there are very few problems that exist between the Scorpio and Virgo pairing. In fact, this may be one of the strongest match areas among the seven. Virgo is practical in nature and not one to waste money on foolish endeavors. While it doesn’t mind dolling out a few dollars on [self-care needs](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-grooming/) and travel, it doesn’t mean the maiden goes overboard. Scorpio, by nature, is a miser. Because the sign tends to obsess about everything, including finances, it isn’t one to spend impulsively. This doesn’t mean the arachnid won’t whip out a charge card to buy an expensive gift – it most certainly will. But once the romantic honeymoon period is over, the sign becomes more conservative. Special note: If there is one area of disagreement on money, it’s how best to save for goals like children and retirement. Not such a terrible thing to have differences about, is it? ## 5. Intellect The intellectual connection between this pairing is very strong. Both signs are highly intelligent with Virgo being super analytical and Scorpio highly logical. Both are attracted to mysteries, puzzles, and a deeper understanding of how things work in the universe. Stimulating one another on multiple levels, Virgo often focuses on resolving issues in the here and now. Scorpio, however, has a way of seeing problems down the road. In this way, Virgo has a calming effect on the arachnid. Because Scorpio tends to obsess, it takes a grounded sign like Virgo to center the arachnid’s energy. Virgo does well with math and numbers. Scorpio in written and verbal communications. Here again, what one may be missing, the other compensates for. ## 6. Communication When it comes to communication, there can be challenges with the Virgo and Scorpio pairing. By nature, Virgo likes to talk. Scorpio, however, does not – at least not a lot. Both zodiacs need to exercise patience in this area and not make assumptions. For better or for worse, Virgo can often be pessimistic. In turn, this can cause negative, critical comments to escape the maiden’s mouth. If not careful, this can cause arguments. You may be wondering why? It’s simple. Scorpio is terribly sensitive. It doesn’t take much to piss the arachnid off. The problem for Virgo is that it doesn’t always know this. Over the course of the relationship, things will improve. But during the initial mating period, it is best for both signs to develop a healthy sense of awareness around their own weaknesses. Once the romance takes hold, communication vastly improves. In fact, for many in this pairing, there comes a time when speaking isn’t necessary because both can intuit what the other is thinking – and feeling. ![zodiac matches virgo and scorpio](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/aries-and-scorpio-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)The two share many interests ## 7. Interests Virgos and Scorpios will find they have many interests. Examples include a love for travel with the maiden preferring mountains and the scorpion, the sea. Each enjoys the outdoors. Both are into current events, gossip, pop culture, psychology, and science. Virgo gravitates towards the arts, gardening, and making things. Scorpio leans towards the occult and philosophy. In many ways, the pairing jointly enjoys self-improvement activities, such as physical activity and exercise. By nature, Virgos are more extroverted. Scorpios tend to be introverted. What’s great – here again – is how one sign has a way of compensating for the other. Politically, both signs tend to be progressive with Virgo being slightly more conservative. Virgos, by nature, are more free- spirited. Scorpios, due to their fixed nature, often need a gentle nudge to try new things. Finally, both care about the welfare of others with Virgo holding a special place for children and the disadvantaged. ![cosmic landscape](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/astrology-match-cosmic-art.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cosmic landscape where earth and water meet ## Wrap Up Hopefully, I’ve been able to demonstrate the unique ways that Virgo and Scorpio are compatible in love, sex, and life. Perhaps the tangible benefit between these two signs is how they balance once another. There’s no doubt about it – things can be a struggle at the beginning of the relationship. But once Virgo and Scorpio clear the initial hurdles, they bond together well. This is a wonderful pairing for families, offering children a stable home. — References: Arachnids (2018) University of Nebraska. Retrieved from the web at: https://entomology.unl.edu/class-arachnida **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, scorpio, Virgo --- ### [10 Ways a Leo Man in Bed Gets Super Turned On](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-bed/) **Published:** July 9, 2026 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![leo man in bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/couple-in-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Leo man in bed, revealed by a Leo man](#Leo_man_in_bed_revealed_by_a_Leo_man) - [1. We like the chase](#1_We_like_the_chase) - [2. We like being touched](#2_We_like_being_touched) - [3. We need to dominate](#3_We_need_to_dominate) - [4. We dig being worshiped](#4_We_dig_being_worshiped) - [5. We’re down with fantasy play](#5_Were_down_with_fantasy_play) - [6. We prefer it outside](#6_We_prefer_it_outside) - [7. Dirty talk is cool](#7_Dirty_talk_is_cool) - [8. We dig compliments](#8_We_dig_compliments) - [9. Play with his ears](#9_Play_with_his_ears) - [10. Let us be jackrabbits](#10_Let_us_be_jackrabbits) - [What Leo Men Usually Need Emotionally](#What_Leo_Men_Usually_Need_Emotionally) - [What Turns a Leo Man Off](#What_Turns_a_Leo_Man_Off) - [How to Talk to a Leo Man About Intimacy](#How_to_Talk_to_a_Leo_Man_About_Intimacy) - [Leo Man Compatibility in Bed](#Leo_Man_Compatibility_in_Bed) - [Leo Man In Bed: Quick Reflection](#Leo_Man_In_Bed_Quick_Reflection) - [Frequently Asked Questions About Leo Men in Bed](#Frequently_Asked_Questions_About_Leo_Men_in_Bed) - [What is a Leo man like in bed?](#What_is_a_Leo_man_like_in_bed) - [What turns a Leo man on the most?](#What_turns_a_Leo_man_on_the_most) - [Do Leo men like to be dominant?](#Do_Leo_men_like_to_be_dominant) - [How do you make a Leo man feel desired?](#How_do_you_make_a_Leo_man_feel_desired) - [Are Leo men loyal partners?](#Are_Leo_men_loyal_partners) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Leo man in bed, revealed by a Leo man Wondering what a Leo man is like in bed? Dating a Leo male and thinking about taking things to the next level? Curious about what turns him on and what makes him feel wanted? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because [I’m a Leo man](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) and know a thing or two about how many of us operate when it comes to attraction, chemistry, and intimacy. Other posts online claim to know all about this Fire sign. But a lot of them are written from the outside looking in. Wouldn’t it be nice, for a change, to hear about Leo men from someone who actually lives inside this zodiac sign? That’s what this article is about. Before we go further, let me say this clearly: not every Leo man is the same. Astrology can be fun and useful for thinking about personality patterns, but it should never be treated like a rulebook. Real intimacy depends on consent, communication, trust, emotional safety, and mutual desire. **Quick note:** This article is written for adults and focuses on zodiac-based relationship insight. Use it for reflection and fun, not as a substitute for honest communication with your partner. Now, with that said, there are some common Leo traits that often show up in romantic and intimate situations. We tend to be passionate, proud, expressive, playful, and highly responsive to admiration. When we feel desired, respected, and emotionally connected, our confidence can really come alive. If that sounds a little arrogant, please accept my apologies. But here’s the truth: many Leos carry a big personality. Sometimes that confidence helps us. Sometimes it gets us into trouble. Chalk it up to Fire sign energy, pride, and a strong need to feel seen. Alrighty then, let’s get right to it. Here are 10 ways a Leo man gets turned on in bed — the real deal, no BS. ## 1. We like the chase Before sleeping with a Leo man, it helps to understand something important: we usually enjoy the buildup. That does not mean playing cruel games or pretending to be someone you are not. It means allowing attraction to develop naturally. A little mystery, a little flirting, and a little anticipation can go a long way with this sign. Unlike some signs that may be quicker to move physically — [see the Pisces man](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) for contrast — Leo guys often need excitement. We want to feel like there is chemistry, tension, and mutual interest. In plain language, we like knowing that you want us, but we also like feeling that we earned your attention. If someone comes on too strong too quickly, it can sometimes flatten the energy. Leo men often respond better when there is playful confidence, light teasing, and a sense that the connection is building toward something. Think of it less as “playing hard to get” and more as creating a spark. ## 2. We like being touched Most Leo guys I know enjoy physical affection before intimacy begins. Touch matters to us. It helps us relax, feel admired, and tune into the moment. For many Leo men, the back, chest, shoulders, neck, and hair can be especially responsive areas. A slow hand across the chest or a gentle touch along the back can do more than you might think. Why? Because Leo is symbolically connected with the heart, confidence, and physical presence. We like feeling strong, wanted, and appreciated. Touch can communicate all of that without saying a word. This is also where emotional chemistry comes in. If the touch feels mechanical or rushed, it may not land. But if it feels warm, intentional, and connected, a Leo man is much more likely to respond. In other words, do not skip the buildup. For many of us, that is half the fun. ![tell-tale signs a leo man wants you](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/leo-and-pisces-compatibility.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo men tend to dominate ## 3. We need to dominate Let’s clean this one up and be real about it. Many Leo men like to take the lead. That is different from being controlling, selfish, or disrespectful. Healthy leadership in intimacy should never mean pressure, entitlement, or ignoring a partner’s needs. What it usually means is that a Leo man enjoys feeling confident, desired, and trusted enough to guide the energy. He may like initiating, setting the pace, or creating a passionate experience where he feels powerful and connected. But here is the important part: the best Leo men also want their partner to enjoy themselves. A mature Leo does not want a passive object. He wants enthusiasm, response, and chemistry. If you are with a Leo man, let him know what feels good. Give feedback. Show interest. If he is emotionally tuned in, he will respond to that. Some people wear our birthstone, [Peridot](https://amzn.to/2C4rLDN), as a symbolic way of connecting with Leo energy. Whether you believe in that or just like the look, it can be a fun nod to the sign. *Disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases.* ## 4. We dig being worshiped This one goes hand in hand with Leo pride. Leo men often respond strongly to admiration. Compliments, attention, eye contact, and physical appreciation can make us feel more confident and connected. That does not mean you need to inflate our ego every five seconds. It means that sincere appreciation matters. If you like his shoulders, tell him. If you like his confidence, say it. If you feel safe with him, let him know. Many Leo men are more emotionally sensitive than they appear. Underneath the bold exterior, there is often a strong desire to feel chosen and admired. When that need is met in a healthy way, he may become more generous, affectionate, and expressive. The key word here is sincere. Fake praise will not work for long. Leo men can usually tell when someone is just saying things to get a reaction. **Leo intimacy tip:** Compliment the specific, not the generic. “You look good” is fine. “I love the way you look at me when you’re confident” lands much harder. ## 5. We’re down with fantasy play Another thing about many Leo guys: we often have a strong imagination. Leo is a theatrical sign. Many of us enjoy playfulness, performance, and fantasy. That can show up in flirting, date nights, texting, or private moments with someone we trust. When it comes to fantasy, Leo men often like scenarios where they feel admired, powerful, heroic, or in charge. Think king of the castle, protector, performer, rescuer, leader, or confident romantic lead. But again, fantasy only works when both people are into it. If you want to explore that kind of energy with a Leo man, talk about it first. Keep it playful. Keep it consensual. Keep it respectful. A little imagination can make intimacy feel more exciting, especially when the relationship already has trust and emotional warmth. ![Leo men intimacy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/lion.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo the Lion – King of the Jungle ## 6. We prefer it outside There’s a reason your Leo boyfriend may enjoy camping, hiking, beach trips, road trips, or warm nights under the stars. Many Leo men feel energized by sunlight, nature, heat, movement, and open space. Remember, Leo is ruled by the Sun. Symbolically, this sign is connected with warmth, vitality, visibility, and life force. That does not mean taking reckless risks or being inappropriate in public. It means that natural settings can make Leo men feel more alive, relaxed, and connected to their bodies. A weekend cabin, a private backyard, a secluded vacation rental, or a romantic getaway can all appeal to Leo energy. The point is not exhibitionism. The point is atmosphere. Give a Leo man warmth, privacy, confidence, and a little adventure, and you may see a more passionate side of him. ## 7. Dirty talk is cool Many Leo men enjoy verbal chemistry. That can include flirting, compliments, teasing, and yes, adult language when the moment is right. But the delivery matters. For Leo, words are not just words. They are part of the performance. The tone, confidence, timing, and emotional energy all matter. A Leo man may respond more to feeling admired than to anything overly graphic. If you are not sure what he likes, start with confidence-building language. Tell him what you enjoy. Tell him what you want more of. Let him know he is making you feel desired. One important caution: avoid anything that feels degrading, cruel, or painful unless that has been clearly discussed and mutually agreed on. Many Leo men have a protective streak. We may like intensity, but that does not mean we want meanness. Lean into confidence, warmth, and desire. That is usually where Leo energy shines. You can also read more about masculine confidence in this article on [alpha male traits and skills](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/), but remember that real confidence is grounded, not performative. ![Leo man likes attention](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/sexy-black-man-selfie.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Leo men love compliments ## 8. We dig compliments You may be reading this and thinking Leo men sound arrogant. Some are. But many of us are also deeply motivated by affirmation. Compliments help a Leo man feel centered. They reassure him that his effort, presence, and energy are being noticed. In intimacy, that can make him more engaged and affectionate. Focus on what is real. Compliment his body, confidence, sense of humor, warmth, strength, or the way he makes you feel. If he has been thoughtful or emotionally present, acknowledge that too. Leo men like admiration, but mature Leo men also want connection. The best compliments are not just about appearance. They are about impact. Examples: - “I love how confident you are.” - “You make me feel wanted.” - “I like how protective you are without being pushy.” - “You have a way of making the moment feel intense.” Those kinds of comments can stay with a Leo man for a long time. ## 9. Play with his ears Have you ever watched a nature documentary and noticed how lions respond to grooming, closeness, and touch around the head and ears? There may be something symbolic there for Leo men too. For many of us, the ears, neck, jawline, and hair can be sensitive areas. A whisper, a kiss near the ear, or a soft touch can create a powerful reaction when the chemistry is already there. But as with everything else, read the moment. Some men love this. Others may be ticklish or not into it. The safest approach is to pay attention to his response and let mutual comfort guide the pace. If he leans in, relaxes, smiles, or pulls you closer, you are probably on the right track. ## 10. Let us be jackrabbits Leo men can be intense. When we are excited, we may want things to move quickly. That passion can be fun, but it also needs balance. A younger or less mature Leo may rush because he is caught up in the moment. A more mature Leo learns that pacing, attention, and patience make intimacy better for both people. If your Leo man gets a little too fired up, do not be afraid to slow things down. A confident partner who can communicate clearly will often make the experience better, not worse. Try saying what you want in a way that still lets him feel desired: - “Slow down. I want to enjoy this.” - “Stay right here for a second.” - “I like when you take your time.” - “Don’t rush. This is good.” Those kinds of statements can help redirect Leo energy without bruising his pride. Remember, Leo is a Fire sign. Fire can warm the room or burn too hot. The goal is to keep the heat controlled, mutual, and enjoyable. ## ![dating the Leo Man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/dating-and-confidence-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What Leo Men Usually Need Emotionally If you really want to understand a Leo man in bed, you have to understand what he often needs emotionally. For many Leo men, intimacy is not just physical. It is tied to confidence, pride, affection, and emotional recognition. He wants to feel wanted, but he also wants to feel important. Here are a few things that often matter: - **Admiration:** He wants to know you see him. - **Enthusiasm:** He responds to genuine interest and passion. - **Loyalty:** He feels safer when he trusts your intentions. - **Playfulness:** Leo energy needs fun, humor, and warmth. - **Respect:** Criticism or mockery can shut him down quickly. This is why Leo men often do best with partners who are affectionate, expressive, and confident enough to show desire openly. ## What Turns a Leo Man Off Just as there are things that turn Leo men on, there are also things that can cool the energy fast. Common turn-offs may include: - Acting indifferent or bored - Mocking his confidence - Embarrassing him publicly - Withholding affection as punishment - Being cold or emotionally unavailable - Turning intimacy into a power struggle - Ignoring communication or consent Leo men can handle honesty. What many of us do not handle well is humiliation. If there is something you want or need, say it directly but kindly. That kind of communication usually works much better than criticism or sarcasm. ## How to Talk to a Leo Man About Intimacy If you want better chemistry with a Leo man, talk to him in a way that blends honesty with encouragement. Leo men often respond well to feedback when it is framed positively. That does not mean you should hide your needs. It means you can be clear without making him feel attacked. Instead of saying: *“You always rush.”* Try: *“I love your passion. I also really like when you slow down and let the moment build.”* Instead of saying: *“You only care about yourself.”* Try: *“I feel more connected when we both check in with each other.”* That approach gives him something to work with. It also keeps the emotional temperature from turning defensive. ## Leo Man Compatibility in Bed Leo can have chemistry with many zodiac signs, but different pairings bring out different parts of his personality. Fire signs like Aries and Sagittarius may match Leo’s intensity, energy, and appetite for adventure. Air signs like Libra, Gemini, and Aquarius can stimulate Leo mentally and socially. Water signs like Scorpio and Pisces may bring emotional depth, mystery, and intensity, though they can also challenge Leo’s pride. Earth signs like Virgo, Taurus, and Capricorn may help ground Leo, but the chemistry usually works best when there is enough warmth and appreciation in the relationship. For more on related zodiac pairings, you may want to explore: - [Leo man love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) - [Scorpio man love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) - [Virgo man love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/) - [Sagittarius man personality](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-personality/) - [Capricorn man personality](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-personality/) ## Leo Man In Bed: Quick Reflection **Quick reflection:** If you are dating a Leo man, which trait shows up the most — confidence, passion, pride, playfulness, or the need to feel admired? Astrology works best when it helps you notice patterns, not when it turns people into fixed labels. ## Frequently Asked Questions About Leo Men in Bed ### What is a Leo man like in bed? A Leo man is often passionate, expressive, confident, and responsive to admiration. Many Leo men enjoy taking the lead, but the best experiences happen when there is mutual trust, communication, and enthusiasm. ### What turns a Leo man on the most? Many Leo men are turned on by confidence, sincere compliments, playful flirting, affectionate touch, emotional warmth, and feeling genuinely desired by their partner. ### Do Leo men like to be dominant? Some Leo men enjoy taking the lead, but healthy dominance should always include consent, respect, and mutual enjoyment. A mature Leo wants chemistry, not one-sided control. ### How do you make a Leo man feel desired? Be warm, direct, and sincere. Compliment what you genuinely like about him, respond with enthusiasm, and let him know when he makes you feel wanted or appreciated. ### Are Leo men loyal partners? Many Leo men can be loyal and protective when they feel respected, admired, and emotionally connected. Like any sign, loyalty depends on maturity, values, and the quality of the relationship. ## Wrap Up Everything I have shared with you is based on common Leo traits and my own perspective as a Leo man. When it comes to intimacy, Leo men often bring passion, pride, playfulness, confidence, and a strong desire to feel wanted. The more emotionally charged the relationship, the more passionate the experience can become. But chemistry is not just about zodiac signs. It is also about trust, communication, consent, and the willingness to understand each other. There’s probably only one other sign that can match Leo’s intensity, and that would [be the Scorpio man](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/). But here’s the thing: Scorpio may bring mystery, but Leo brings fire. We are, after all, the King of the Jungle. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Leo, Pisces, scorpio --- ### [25 Truths About a Leo Man in Love and Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![Leo man in love and relationships](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/chris-hemsworth-1.jpg?resize=780%2C435&ssl=1)Leo men are often described as confident, warm, passionate, and expressive. Table of Contents Toggle - [Leo Man in Love Revealed](#Leo_Man_in_Love_Revealed) - [1. He’s Passionate in Bed](#1_Hes_Passionate_in_Bed) - [2. He’s Likely to Be Charming](#2_Hes_Likely_to_Be_Charming) - [3. He May Be Dominant and Uninhibited](#3_He_May_Be_Dominant_and_Uninhibited) - [4. He Can Be Self-Focused](#4_He_Can_Be_Self-Focused) - [5. He Can Be Highly Competitive](#5_He_Can_Be_Highly_Competitive) - [6. His Pride Can Be Wounded Easily](#6_His_Pride_Can_Be_Wounded_Easily) - [7. He May Become Possessive or Territorial](#7_He_May_Become_Possessive_or_Territorial) - [8. He Can Be Very Protective](#8_He_Can_Be_Very_Protective) - [9. He’s Often Resilient](#9_Hes_Often_Resilient) - [10. Expect Him to Be Affectionate](#10_Expect_Him_to_Be_Affectionate) - [11. He May Be Extroverted](#11_He_May_Be_Extroverted) - [12. He Can Be Stubborn](#12_He_Can_Be_Stubborn) - [13. He May Have a Strong Caretaking Side](#13_He_May_Have_a_Strong_Caretaking_Side) - [14. He’s Often Generous](#14_Hes_Often_Generous) - [15. He Takes Pride in Strength and Vitality](#15_He_Takes_Pride_in_Strength_and_Vitality) - [16. He’s Likely to Be Straightforward](#16_Hes_Likely_to_Be_Straightforward) - [17. Some Leo Men Can Be Cocky](#17_Some_Leo_Men_Can_Be_Cocky) - [18. He May Have a Quick Temper](#18_He_May_Have_a_Quick_Temper) - [19. He Can Be Impatient](#19_He_Can_Be_Impatient) - [20. He May Be Drawn to Visible Roles](#20_He_May_Be_Drawn_to_Visible_Roles) - [21. Your Leo Man May Be Optimistic](#21_Your_Leo_Man_May_Be_Optimistic) - [22. He’s Often Energetic](#22_Hes_Often_Energetic) - [23. He’ll Value His Independence](#23_Hell_Value_His_Independence) - [24. He Can Be Deeply Loyal](#24_He_Can_Be_Deeply_Loyal) - [25. He Loves to Laugh](#25_He_Loves_to_Laugh) - [Leo Man Relationship Check-In](#Leo_Man_Relationship_Check-In) - [How to Build a Strong Relationship With a Leo Man](#How_to_Build_a_Strong_Relationship_With_a_Leo_Man) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Leo Man in Love Revealed Are you attracted to a **Leo man**? Hoping to understand how Leo men approach **love and relationships**? Do you want better insight into this fire sign? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. Many people are curious about Leo men because there is often something warm, confident, and magnetic about them. Can you relate? I wrote this article to help you better understand the Leo personality. A lot of what you will read online about this sign is confusing, contradictory, or wildly exaggerated. **I should know—I am a Leo man.** During my lifetime, I’ve spent more hours than I can count studying astrology, symbolism, and ancient mysticism. Like many people, I’m drawn to the supernatural and the questions it raises about personality, attraction, and relationships. Because my sun sign is Leo and my [moon is in Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/), I’ve naturally gravitated toward all things karmic. For reasons I do not fully understand, I’ve always been interested in the spiritual forces that seem to draw people together. Long ago, I stopped questioning why this topic interested me. Instead, I accepted it as one of the ways I explore human behavior and relationships. Before we go further, I want to be upfront: I am not an astrologer or psychic. Astrology is not a scientific method for predicting personality or relationship outcomes. Instead, I’m a man with a background in psychology and a deep interest in the *psycho-spiritual*—the place where psychological ideas, symbolism, intuition, and spiritual traditions sometimes overlap. Use the material that follows for insight and entertainment, not as a substitute for getting to know the actual man in front of you. ![psycho-spiritual symbolism and astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=780%2C435&ssl=1)Astrology uses symbols and archetypes to explore personality and relationships. Psycho-spirituality blends spiritual concepts with psychological ideas. If you have studied the human mind, you have probably heard of psychiatrist Carl Jung. Jung wrote extensively about dreams, symbols, archetypes, and the unconscious. For example, if you were to [dream about rats](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/), a Jungian approach might ask what the image represents to you personally rather than treating it as a literal prediction. Jung was also interested in astrology as a symbolic system. For what it is worth, he was a Leo, born on July 26. I’m sharing this background to give context to what follows. There is no hidden agenda here. I simply want you to leave this page with a few new ideas about Leo men in love. I also did not develop every observation entirely on my own. Over the years, I have compared notes with other people interested in astrology, including a spiritually minded friend who happens to be a [Virgo man](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/). ### Want to Understand Astrology Beyond Sun Signs? If you want to explore Leo compatibility in greater depth, I recommend *The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need* by Joanna Martine Woolfolk. The book goes beyond basic zodiac descriptions and explains moon signs, rising signs, planets, houses, and relationship compatibility. It is a useful starting point for understanding why two Leo men can have very different personalities. [**View the astrology book on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3QOaBSl) *As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases.* Now that you have some background, let’s explore 25 commonly associated traits of a Leo man in love and relationships—from a first-person Leo perspective. ## 1. He’s Passionate in Bed Of all the zodiac signs, Leo is often described as one of the most passionate. Much of this symbolism connects to our ruling body, the sun, and our place among the fire signs. In astrology, fire is associated with vitality, warmth, creativity, desire, and action. When a Leo man feels emotionally connected and genuinely wanted, he may bring a great deal of intensity into the bedroom. Praise and affection often matter to us. That does not mean you should flatter a Leo dishonestly. It means many of us respond strongly when a partner openly communicates attraction, appreciation, and desire. The healthiest intimacy, of course, includes mutual consent, trust, communication, and respect. A zodiac sign never gives someone permission to ignore another person’s comfort or boundaries. ## 2. He’s Likely to Be Charming Leo men are often described as charismatic, expressive, and socially confident. When you are in the presence of a Leo man, you may notice that he has a way of attracting attention. Sometimes this happens because he is outgoing. Other times, it comes through posture, eye contact, humor, or the confidence with which he carries himself. When we are interested in someone, we can make that person feel like the center of the room. That attention can be powerfully seductive. A Leo may listen closely, lean into the conversation, offer compliments, and create a sense that the two of you have stepped into your own private world. Charm is appealing, but remember that genuine compatibility involves more than chemistry. Pay attention to whether his actions remain consistent after the first rush of attraction has passed. ## 3. He May Be Dominant and Uninhibited Leo is represented by the lion, a symbol associated with strength, confidence, courage, and authority. In romantic relationships, some Leo men enjoy taking the lead. This may show up in planning dates, initiating affection, making decisions, or expressing sexual confidence. But not every Leo man is dominant, and no healthy relationship should revolve around one partner controlling the other. Even a confident Leo may enjoy letting someone else take charge once trust has developed. In fact, being able to relax and surrender control can feel deeply intimate to a man who is accustomed to leading. The key is communication. Do not rely on astrology to guess what someone enjoys. Talk openly about preferences, consent, limits, and expectations. ## 4. He Can Be Self-Focused There is no reason to sugarcoat this trait. Some Leo men can become highly focused on their goals, ambitions, image, or personal needs. That does not automatically make someone narcissistic. Narcissism is a complex psychological concept and should not be casually assigned based on confidence, pride, or a zodiac sign. A self-focused Leo may still be loving, empathic, and capable of caring deeply about others. The problem arises when his ambitions repeatedly crowd out your needs or when every conversation circles back to him. Many Leos are driven by a strong sense of purpose. We often know what we want and can become intensely focused on making it happen. In a healthy relationship, that determination needs to be balanced with curiosity, compromise, and consideration for a partner. ![Leo man personality and spiritual energy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cosmic-man.jpg?resize=780%2C435&ssl=1)Some Leo men can become intensely focused on their goals and ambitions. ## 5. He Can Be Highly Competitive If there is one thing commonly associated with the lion, it is competitiveness. Many Leo men enjoy challenges and opportunities to prove themselves. This may appear in sports, business, creative work, friendships, or romantic pursuit. The positive side of this trait is motivation. A competitive Leo may work hard, recover from setbacks, and pursue goals with remarkable energy. The downside appears when everything becomes a contest. A relationship cannot remain healthy if one partner always needs to win, have the final word, or outperform the other. In romance, a Leo man may enjoy the thrill of winning someone over. But once a relationship is established, competition should give way to collaboration. A partner is not a trophy, and jealousy is not proof of love. ## 6. His Pride Can Be Wounded Easily For all the talk about Leo men being confident and dominant, many of us are more sensitive than we appear. Leo men generally like to be appreciated. Because we can hold ourselves to high standards, criticism may land harder than expected—especially when it feels personal, humiliating, or dismissive. This does not mean you must constantly protect a Leo from honest feedback. Constructive criticism is part of any healthy relationship. The most productive approach is usually direct but respectful. Focus on the behavior and how it affected you rather than attacking his identity. For example: > “When that happened, I felt ignored. I need us to communicate differently next time.” That will usually work better than insults, ridicule, or deliberately trying to embarrass him. At the same time, a mature Leo must learn that discomfort is not the same as disrespect. Your partner should be able to raise concerns without fearing anger, punishment, or withdrawal. ## 7. He May Become Possessive or Territorial This is another trait sometimes associated with Leo men. A Leo who is deeply invested in a relationship may feel protective of the bond and uncomfortable when he senses a threat. In its healthier form, this may look like commitment, attentiveness, and a desire to safeguard the relationship. In its unhealthy form, it can become jealousy, possessiveness, monitoring, intimidation, or control. Those behaviors should not be romanticized. You are a partner, not someone’s possession. A man’s zodiac sign does not excuse checking your phone, isolating you from friends, questioning your every interaction, or becoming aggressive toward someone he sees as competition. A secure Leo learns to communicate his fears without trying to control another person. > **A healthy Leo protects the relationship without trying to possess the person.** ![protective Leo man outdoors](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-with-beard-cowboy-flannel.jpeg?resize=780%2C435&ssl=1)Leo men are often described as protective of the people they love. ## 8. He Can Be Very Protective This trait connects closely with the one above, but there is an important distinction between being protective and being controlling. Many Leo men feel a strong responsibility toward the people they love. If a partner, friend, family member, or child is in trouble, we may quickly step forward to help. A Leo might defend someone who is being treated unfairly, offer practical support during a crisis, or make sure the people he loves feel safe. That can be a beautiful quality. The healthiest protection respects the other person’s choices and independence. It sounds like: > “I’m here. What do you need from me?” It does not sound like: > “I know what is best for you, so you must do what I say.” ## 9. He’s Often Resilient Leo men are frequently associated with resilience. This does not mean we never hurt, become discouraged, or struggle emotionally. It means many of us eventually find a way to stand back up after disappointment. Pride can play a role here. A Leo may hate feeling defeated and use that discomfort as motivation to rebuild. The challenge is that some men confuse resilience with emotional avoidance. Moving forward does not require pretending that nothing hurt. A healthy Leo can acknowledge pain, ask for support, and still choose not to let a setback define him. ## 10. Expect Him to Be Affectionate If there is one thing that can be said about many Leo men, it is that we tend to be affectionate. We often enjoy spending time with the people we love and may express attachment through touch, compliments, gifts, attention, or shared experiences. Here is something many people do not expect: A lot of Leo men enjoy cuddling. The lion may appear bold and independent in public, but in private he may want closeness, reassurance, and physical warmth. An ideal night does not always require a glamorous event. Sometimes it is an action movie, food, a comfortable couch, and someone we trust curled up beside us. ## 11. He May Be Extroverted Leo is commonly associated with extroversion, visibility, and social energy. Many Leo men enjoy being around people. We may feel energized by parties, group activities, public events, or conversations with new people. I will not pretend attention has nothing to do with it. A lot of us enjoy being noticed and appreciated. This outgoing energy may complement a quieter partner. For example, in a [Leo and Pisces pairing](https://guycounseling.com/leo-pisces-compatibility/), Leo may help bring Pisces into new social experiences while Pisces encourages Leo to slow down and connect emotionally. Not every Leo is an extrovert, however. A birth chart contains more than a sun sign, and personality is shaped by countless life experiences. ## 12. He Can Be Stubborn Leo is considered a fixed sign in astrology. Fixed signs are traditionally associated with consistency, determination, and resistance to change. Once a Leo man has made a decision, he may cling to it even when part of him suspects he could be wrong. That determination can be useful when persistence is needed. It becomes difficult when he refuses to listen, compromise, or reconsider. The best way to approach a stubborn Leo is not through manipulation. It is through calm, clear communication. Explain your reasoning, allow him space to think, and avoid turning the discussion into a public contest. A mature Leo should also be able to admit when another person has a better idea. ![Leo man thinking after relationship conflict](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/man-breakup.jpeg?resize=780%2C435&ssl=1)Pride and stubbornness can make relationship conflicts harder to resolve. ## 13. He May Have a Strong Caretaking Side Many Leo men enjoy providing comfort, stability, and practical support to the people they love. This may involve paying for dinner, solving problems, organizing plans, offering financial help, or creating a comfortable home. Traditionally, some Leo men may feel attached to the idea of being the primary provider. That does not mean every Leo wants an old-fashioned relationship, nor does it mean he cannot be happy with a partner who earns more. The deeper issue is often pride. Providing may help him feel useful, respected, and valued. A healthy relationship makes room for both people to contribute in ways that fit their strengths. Care should flow in both directions. ## 14. He’s Often Generous Leo men are frequently described as generous—sometimes to a fault. We may enjoy buying gifts, picking up the check, helping family members, supporting a cause, or giving someone we love an experience they will remember. Part of this generosity comes from warmth. Part of it may also come from the satisfaction of being seen as someone capable of giving. The best Leo generosity is sincere and freely offered. Problems arise when gifts come with strings attached or when spending becomes a way to seek validation. A man should not use generosity to purchase loyalty, forgiveness, or control. When balanced with good boundaries, however, Leo’s giving nature can be one of his most appealing qualities. ## 15. He Takes Pride in Strength and Vitality Traditional astrology connects Leo symbolically with the heart, back, spine, and general vitality. That symbolism should not be mistaken for medical prediction. A zodiac sign cannot tell you what health problems someone will develop, and Leo men are not automatically more likely to have a particular disease. What may be more useful is the broader theme: Many Leo men identify strongly with appearing energetic, capable, and physically strong. Because of that pride, some may have difficulty admitting when they are exhausted, injured, frightened, or in need of medical help. Encourage the Leo man in your life to take care of himself without shaming him. Routine healthcare, balanced exercise, reasonable alcohol use, sleep, and stress management matter for everyone—regardless of sign. ## 16. He’s Likely to Be Straightforward If you are looking for a man who says what he means, you may appreciate Leo’s directness. Many of us do not enjoy endless guessing games. When we want something, dislike something, or feel strongly about an issue, we are often willing to say so. The positive side is clarity. You may know exactly where your Leo man stands. The downside is that directness can become bluntness. A Leo may speak quickly and only later realize that his words sounded insensitive. Honesty works best when paired with tact. “I’m just being honest” should never become an excuse for cruelty. ## 17. Some Leo Men Can Be Cocky You may not see this trait discussed honestly on every astrology website because it is not especially flattering. But here is the deal: Some Leo men are extremely self-assured and may cross the line into arrogance. You may notice it in the way he walks, speaks, dresses, or talks about his accomplishments. Some people find that confidence highly attractive. Others experience it as exhausting. Healthy confidence allows room for other people to shine. Cockiness demands that the spotlight stay in one place. A grounded Leo can celebrate his strengths without acting as though everyone else is merely part of the audience. ## 18. He May Have a Quick Temper Fire signs are often associated with fast emotional reactions, and some Leo men do have quick tempers. We may become heated, speak dramatically, and cool down relatively quickly. But anger is not harmless simply because it passes. Yelling, threats, insults, breaking objects, intimidation, reckless driving, or physical aggression are not acceptable expressions of a zodiac sign. They are warning signs that require accountability and change. A healthy Leo learns to pause before reacting, communicate frustration directly, and return to difficult conversations when everyone is calmer. This is particularly important in intense pairings such as [Leo and Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-leo-scorpio-match/), where pride and strong emotions may create explosive conflicts if both partners insist on winning. ## 19. He Can Be Impatient Patience may not be every Leo man’s greatest strength. Many of us know what we want and prefer to move toward it immediately. Waiting, uncertainty, and slow decision-making can feel frustrating. This urgency may make a Leo decisive and action-oriented. It can also lead him to move forward before thinking through the consequences. In relationships, impatience may appear as wanting quick answers, fast commitment, immediate forgiveness, or rapid progress. A mature Leo learns that trust cannot be rushed. Some of the strongest relationships develop gradually through consistent behavior. ## 20. He May Be Drawn to Visible Roles This will not apply to every Leo man, but many are comfortable in roles that involve visibility, leadership, performance, or public interaction. You may find Leo men working in management, entertainment, education, sales, entrepreneurship, politics, media, hospitality, or other areas where personality matters. This is not simply about craving attention. Some Leos genuinely enjoy motivating people, creating experiences, and taking responsibility. The healthiest Leo leader helps others succeed. The unhealthy version becomes preoccupied with status, recognition, and being treated as the most important person in the room. > **Confidence is attractive. A constant need for applause can become exhausting.** ![sun representing the Leo zodiac sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Leo-sun.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Leo is ruled by the sun and is traditionally associated with warmth, optimism, and visibility. ## 21. Your Leo Man May Be Optimistic Like our ruling body—the sun—many Leo men have a naturally bright outlook. We often prefer to focus on possibilities rather than remain stuck in disappointment. This optimism can be energizing during difficult periods. A Leo partner may remind you of your strengths, encourage you to try again, or use humor to help you see a situation differently. That does not mean every Leo is cheerful all the time. Nor should optimism be used to dismiss real pain. The healthiest kind of positivity makes room for difficult feelings while still believing that circumstances can improve. ## 22. He’s Often Energetic If you are looking for a partner who enjoys activities and new experiences, a Leo man may be a good match. Many of us have difficulty sitting still for too long. We may enjoy travel, hiking, movies, social events, exercise, creative projects, or spontaneous plans. Some Leo men could fairly be described as thrill seekers. This energy can keep a relationship lively, but it may also become tiring for someone who needs more quiet or routine. Compatibility does not require identical energy levels. It requires respect for each other’s needs and a willingness to find a rhythm that works for both people. ## 23. He’ll Value His Independence Many Leo men are strongly independent. We may prefer helping other people rather than admitting that we need help ourselves. Receiving affection is usually welcome. Receiving assistance can feel more complicated. Part of this comes from pride. Depending on someone else may make a Leo feel exposed or less capable. In a healthy relationship, however, independence and interdependence can coexist. Letting a partner help is not weakness. It can be a form of trust. If your Leo man pulls away whenever he feels vulnerable, encourage honest conversation without forcing him to disclose more than he is ready to share. ## 24. He Can Be Deeply Loyal Loyalty is one of the traits most commonly associated with Leo. Once a Leo man has committed emotionally, he may take that commitment very seriously. Many of us want to feel that we have built a strong and special bond with our partner. That does not mean every Leo is automatically faithful. No zodiac sign guarantees trustworthy behavior. Some Leo men enjoy flirting because attention feels good. The important question is whether he respects the agreements and boundaries of the relationship. Loyalty should be mutual, freely chosen, and demonstrated through behavior—not demanded through jealousy or control. ## 25. He Loves to Laugh Humor, laughter, playfulness, and good times are important to many Leo men. Because our symbolic orientation is toward warmth and optimism, we often enjoy finding humor in absurd situations. A Leo partner may use jokes, stories, teasing, or dramatic impressions to lift the mood. He may take real pleasure in seeing someone he loves laugh. The best Leo humor brings people together. Just make sure teasing remains affectionate. Jokes that embarrass, belittle, or target a partner’s insecurities are not harmless simply because someone calls them funny. ## Leo Man Relationship Check-In **Take a moment to think about the Leo man in your life.** Which of these qualities stands out most strongly? - His warmth and affection - His confidence and charm - His loyalty and protectiveness - His pride and sensitivity - His stubborn or competitive side - His humor and optimism The most useful question is not whether he perfectly matches every Leo trait. It is whether the relationship feels respectful, mutual, emotionally safe, and genuinely enjoyable. ## How to Build a Strong Relationship With a Leo Man Astrology aside, a Leo man usually responds well to warmth, honesty, affection, and genuine appreciation. That does not mean constantly feeding his ego or avoiding difficult conversations. It means recognizing his strengths while remaining clear about your own needs. A few principles may help: - **Offer sincere appreciation.** Leos usually know when compliments are forced. - **Communicate directly.** Hints and passive-aggressive messages often create unnecessary confusion. - **Let him celebrate you too.** A healthy Leo often enjoys being proud of his partner. - **Maintain your independence.** Confidence tends to attract confidence. - **Set boundaries around jealousy and anger.** Passion does not excuse controlling behavior. - **Make room for play.** Shared laughter, affection, and adventure can keep the connection strong. - **Do not humiliate him during conflict.** Address the issue privately and respectfully—but remain firm. The strongest relationship with a Leo man is not one in which he is treated like royalty while everyone else tiptoes around him. It is one in which both partners feel admired, respected, desired, and free to be themselves. ## Wrap Up Being in a relationship with a Leo man can be exciting, affectionate, challenging, and deeply rewarding. At his best, the Leo man is warm, loyal, generous, playful, protective, and passionate. He may bring confidence and energy into a relationship and make his partner feel deeply appreciated. At his worst, he can become prideful, stubborn, attention-seeking, impatient, or overly sensitive to criticism. No man will display all 25 traits, and no relationship succeeds or fails because of a sun sign alone. Compatibility also depends on communication, emotional maturity, values, attachment patterns, life experiences, and the willingness of both people to grow. Use astrology as a conversation starter, not as a verdict. If you give a Leo man a genuine chance—and if he offers you the same respect in return—you may discover a loving, expressive, and devoted partner. I hope you found the material on this page useful. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling. **Reference** Gaynor, D. R. (1999). *Changes in cognitive structure associated with experiences of spiritual transformation (transcendence).* Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering, 60(5-B), 2378. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Aquarius, Leo, scorpio, Virgo --- ### [Capricorn Man: Personality Traits, Love, and Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-personality/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![Capricorn man personality traits in love and relationships](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/capricorn-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [The Capricorn Man: Personality, Love, and Relationships](#The_Capricorn_Man_Personality_Love_and_Relationships) - [1. He Can Be Quietly Charming](#1_He_Can_Be_Quietly_Charming) - [2. He May Carry Stress in His Body](#2_He_May_Carry_Stress_in_His_Body) - [3. He May Seem Emotionally Mature](#3_He_May_Seem_Emotionally_Mature) - [4. He May Prefer Calm Over Constant Excitement](#4_He_May_Prefer_Calm_Over_Constant_Excitement) - [5. Financial Security Often Matters to Him](#5_Financial_Security_Often_Matters_to_Him) - [6. He May Be Business-Minded](#6_He_May_Be_Business-Minded) - [7. He Can Be Highly Career-Focused](#7_He_Can_Be_Highly_Career-Focused) - [8. Loyalty Matters Deeply to Him](#8_Loyalty_Matters_Deeply_to_Him) - [9. He Is Often Highly Independent](#9_He_Is_Often_Highly_Independent) - [10. He May Be Patient and Attentive in Intimacy](#10_He_May_Be_Patient_and_Attentive_in_Intimacy) - [11. His Energy Is Often Focused](#11_His_Energy_Is_Often_Focused) - [12. He Can Be Protective](#12_He_Can_Be_Protective) - [13. He Often Values Emotional Faithfulness](#13_He_Often_Values_Emotional_Faithfulness) - [14. He May Prefer Monogamy—but Not Always](#14_He_May_Prefer_Monogamy%E2%80%94but_Not_Always) - [15. He Can Be Very Private](#15_He_Can_Be_Very_Private) - [16. His Need for Structure Can Become Controlling](#16_His_Need_for_Structure_Can_Become_Controlling) - [17. He May Be More Sensual Than He Appears](#17_He_May_Be_More_Sensual_Than_He_Appears) - [18. Garnet Is Traditionally Associated With Capricorn](#18_Garnet_Is_Traditionally_Associated_With_Capricorn) - [19. He May Be Cheerful in a Low-Key Way](#19_He_May_Be_Cheerful_in_a_Low-Key_Way) - [20. He May Enjoy Collecting Meaningful Things](#20_He_May_Enjoy_Collecting_Meaningful_Things) - [21. Patience Is Often One of His Strongest Traits](#21_Patience_Is_Often_One_of_His_Strongest_Traits) - [Capricorn Man in Love](#Capricorn_Man_in_Love) - [Signs a Capricorn Man Is Falling in Love](#Signs_a_Capricorn_Man_Is_Falling_in_Love) - [How a Capricorn Man Acts When He Likes You](#How_a_Capricorn_Man_Acts_When_He_Likes_You) - [How to Build a Strong Relationship With a Capricorn Man](#How_to_Build_a_Strong_Relationship_With_a_Capricorn_Man) - [Capricorn Man Compatibility](#Capricorn_Man_Compatibility) - [Capricorn Man Relationship Check-In](#Capricorn_Man_Relationship_Check-In) - [Frequently Asked Questions](#Frequently_Asked_Questions) - [What is a Capricorn man like in love?](#What_is_a_Capricorn_man_like_in_love) - [How do you know when a Capricorn man is serious about you?](#How_do_you_know_when_a_Capricorn_man_is_serious_about_you) - [What attracts a Capricorn man?](#What_attracts_a_Capricorn_man) - [What pushes a Capricorn man away?](#What_pushes_a_Capricorn_man_away) - [Is a Capricorn man controlling?](#Is_a_Capricorn_man_controlling) - [Does a Capricorn man fall in love slowly?](#Does_a_Capricorn_man_fall_in_love_slowly) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## The Capricorn Man: Personality, Love, and Relationships By Anthony Amarato Are you attracted to a **Capricorn man**? Trying to understand how Capricorn men behave in love and relationships? Hoping to get a clearer picture of this earth sign’s personality? If the answer is yes, you are not alone. Capricorn men are often described as ambitious, loyal, reserved, practical, and intensely focused. But those labels only tell part of the story. I wrote this article to help you better understand the Capricorn mind from a first-person perspective. **I should know because I am a Capricorn man.** For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by ancient symbolism, spirituality, psychology, and astrology. Part of that curiosity may connect with the fact that [my moon sign is Scorpio](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/), a water sign traditionally associated with emotional depth and mystery. Rather than pretend that part of me does not exist, I have chosen to explore it with curiosity. Before we continue, I want to be clear: I am not a psychic, professional astrologer, or tarot reader. I am simply a Capricorn man interested in personality, relationships, spirituality, and what some people call the *psycho-spiritual*—the place where emotional insight and symbolic meaning sometimes overlap. Astrology is not a scientific method for diagnosing personality or predicting whether a relationship will succeed. Use what follows for reflection and entertainment, and always get to know the actual man in front of you. With that foundation in place, let’s explore 21 traits commonly associated with Capricorn men—the good, the complicated, and the occasionally difficult. **Capricorn man at a glance:**A Capricorn man is often described as practical, ambitious, loyal, patient, private, disciplined, and slow to trust. At his best, he is dependable, thoughtful, protective, and committed. At his worst, he can become controlling, emotionally guarded, overly serious, work-obsessed, or rigid. ![Capricorn man personality and quiet confidence](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cowboy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Capricorn men are often associated with quiet confidence and grounded charm ## 1. He Can Be Quietly Charming Capricorn men are not always the loudest people in the room. Unlike signs that tend to lead with dramatic charisma, many Capricorn men attract attention through steadiness, confidence, competence, and a calm presence. We may not shower someone with exaggerated praise. Instead, we are more likely to offer a compliment that feels specific and sincere. A Capricorn man may show interest by: - Remembering details you shared - Offering practical help - Making time for you consistently - Checking in when something important is happening - Introducing you to people he trusts His charm often becomes more obvious over time. ## 2. He May Carry Stress in His Body Many Capricorn men are serious about responsibility. When work, money, family, or long-term goals feel uncertain, we may become tense without realizing how much pressure we are holding. That stress can show up physically for anyone, regardless of zodiac sign. It may include muscle tension, poor sleep, headaches, fatigue, or discomfort. Astrology cannot predict where a person will experience pain, and persistent symptoms should be discussed with a qualified healthcare professional. A thoughtful partner can help by encouraging rest, movement, healthy boundaries, and realistic expectations. A massage may feel good, but it should never replace medical evaluation when pain is ongoing or severe. ## 3. He May Seem Emotionally Mature Capricorn men are often described as “old souls.” Part of that reputation comes from the way we tend to approach decisions. Many of us prefer to think before reacting. We may listen carefully, consider consequences, and look for the most practical path forward. This can make a Capricorn man feel calm and dependable during difficult moments. But emotional maturity involves more than being controlled or logical. A truly mature Capricorn man also learns how to name feelings, apologize, tolerate vulnerability, and listen without immediately trying to solve everything. ## 4. He May Prefer Calm Over Constant Excitement Some people interpret Capricorn steadiness as blandness. That is not always fair. Many Capricorn men simply do not require nonstop stimulation to feel satisfied. We may genuinely enjoy familiar routines, quiet evenings, long-term projects, and relationships that feel stable. That does not mean we dislike fun. It means we often appreciate experiences that have meaning, purpose, or lasting value. A Capricorn man may choose: - A favorite restaurant over a chaotic new scene - A carefully planned trip over impulsive travel - A close circle of friends over a huge social network - A long conversation over constant entertainment The healthiest Capricorn learns that stability and spontaneity can coexist. ## 5. Financial Security Often Matters to Him Money is often important to Capricorn men, but “obsessed with money” is too simplistic. For many of us, money represents safety, independence, flexibility, and protection against uncertainty. We may care deeply about: - Saving for the future - Avoiding unnecessary debt - Owning a home - Building a stable career - Providing for loved ones - Having an emergency fund A Capricorn man may be generous while still thinking carefully about spending. The problem arises when financial caution becomes fear, secrecy, control, or a measure of personal worth. Money should support a life. It should not become the only thing that defines it. ![Career-focused Capricorn man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Many Capricorn men place a high value on career, stability, and achievement ## 6. He May Be Business-Minded Many Capricorn men are drawn toward work that rewards discipline, planning, leadership, and long-term thinking. That might include business, finance, law, real estate, management, engineering, healthcare, education, or entrepreneurship. This does not mean every Capricorn man is destined to own a company or become wealthy. The broader pattern is often a desire to build something solid. He may enjoy creating systems, solving practical problems, managing resources, or becoming highly skilled in a particular field. At his best, he uses ambition responsibly. At his worst, he may treat every part of life like a performance review. ## 7. He Can Be Highly Career-Focused Career often carries emotional meaning for a Capricorn man. Work may represent competence, stability, respect, identity, or the ability to care for others. That focus can become one of his greatest strengths. It can also make him distant. A Capricorn man may work long hours, mentally remain at the office after coming home, or postpone joy until some future milestone is reached. If you are in a relationship with him, it is reasonable to ask for balance. Love should not always receive whatever energy remains after work is finished. ## 8. Loyalty Matters Deeply to Him Capricorn men often take time before trusting someone. We may observe carefully, move slowly, and look for consistency before becoming emotionally invested. Once trust is established, however, many Capricorn men become deeply loyal. He may express commitment through: - Dependability - Showing up during difficult periods - Helping solve practical problems - Protecting the privacy of the relationship - Building plans for the future Loyalty should never be confused with ownership. A healthy Capricorn man understands that commitment is mutual and freely chosen. ## 9. He Is Often Highly Independent Capricorn men usually value self-reliance. We often prefer to handle problems ourselves and may be uncomfortable asking for help. That independence can be admirable, but it can also make emotional closeness difficult. A Capricorn man may assume that needing support means he has failed. It does not. Healthy independence allows two people to remain capable individuals while also depending on one another in appropriate ways. ## 10. He May Be Patient and Attentive in Intimacy Capricorn men are sometimes portrayed as emotionally restrained but physically intense. There may be some symbolic truth in the contrast, but no zodiac sign determines sexual behavior. Some Capricorn men enjoy slow-building intimacy, trust, consistency, and taking time to understand what a partner likes. Others may be more spontaneous, reserved, playful, or experimental. The strongest intimate connection with a Capricorn man usually includes: - Trust - Privacy - Mutual consent - Clear communication - Emotional safety - Patience Never assume that a person’s sun sign determines what he wants sexually. Ask him. ![Capricorn man outdoors and focused](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-outdoors1-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Capricorn men may enjoy active pursuits that provide purpose and structure ## 11. His Energy Is Often Focused Capricorn men may not appear restless, but many of us have substantial energy. The difference is that we tend to direct it toward specific goals. A Capricorn man may spend hours improving his home, working on a project, planning a trip, training at the gym, or solving a problem. He often feels most satisfied when effort produces a visible result. The challenge is remembering that not every worthwhile activity needs to be productive. Rest, play, and connection matter too. ## 12. He Can Be Protective Once a Capricorn man considers someone part of his inner circle, he may become strongly protective. He might defend a partner, offer practical support, or step in during a crisis. At its best, this feels reassuring. At its worst, protectiveness can become possessiveness, aggression, or an attempt to make decisions for another adult. A healthy Capricorn asks: > “How can I support you?” He does not assume that support gives him control. ## 13. He Often Values Emotional Faithfulness Many Capricorn men care deeply about trust and consistency. They may be especially sensitive to secrecy, mixed signals, emotional triangulation, or relationships that feel unstable. But astrology cannot guarantee fidelity. A Capricorn man is capable of the same healthy and unhealthy choices as anyone else. What matters is character, communication, boundaries, and the agreements two people make together. The strongest sign of faithfulness is not his zodiac sign. It is his behavior over time. ## 14. He May Prefer Monogamy—but Not Always Capricorn is often associated with tradition, commitment, and long-term partnership. For that reason, many Capricorn men may prefer monogamy. But not all do. Some may choose open relationships, consensual non-monogamy, or other relationship structures. The important question is not what Capricorn men are “supposed” to want. It is whether both partners communicate honestly and agree on the same expectations. Do not assume exclusivity. Discuss it. ## 15. He Can Be Very Private Capricorn men often reveal themselves slowly. We may keep personal matters close, avoid oversharing, and take time before discussing fears or vulnerabilities. That privacy is not automatically deception. Sometimes it reflects caution, self-protection, or a belief that personal matters should remain personal. Still, privacy can become a problem when it blocks emotional intimacy. A Capricorn man in a serious relationship should be willing to communicate openly enough for trust to grow. ## 16. His Need for Structure Can Become Controlling Here is one of the more difficult Capricorn traits. Many of us like plans, standards, systems, and predictability. When anxiety rises, that preference may harden into control. A Capricorn man may insist that his way is the most efficient, become irritated when plans change, or struggle to delegate. Reassurance may help, but it is not a partner’s job to manage his anxiety for him. A mature Capricorn learns to: - Share decision-making - Accept that other methods can work - Tolerate uncertainty - Ask rather than command - Respect another person’s autonomy Control is not proof of love. Respect is. ## 17. He May Be More Sensual Than He Appears Capricorn men are sometimes more physically affectionate and sensual than their reserved public image suggests. He may enjoy touch, closeness, long kisses, massage, privacy, and an intimate atmosphere that feels secure. But individual preferences vary widely. The healthiest approach is straightforward communication rather than relying on astrology to predict specific desires. A Capricorn man may appreciate a partner who is confident enough to talk openly about intimacy while also respecting boundaries. ## 18. Garnet Is Traditionally Associated With Capricorn Garnet is commonly linked with Capricorn in modern astrological traditions. The deep red stone is often used symbolically to represent grounding, commitment, strength, and perseverance. There is no scientific evidence that garnet changes sexual desire, predicts compatibility, or produces a special physical reaction in Capricorn men. Still, a simple garnet bracelet, ring, or pendant may make a thoughtful gift for a Capricorn man who enjoys astrology or symbolic jewelry. **Looking for a Capricorn-inspired gift?**A subtle garnet bracelet or pendant can connect with Capricorn symbolism without feeling overly flashy. [**Browse garnet gifts for men on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/4eTT6ZY) *As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases.* ## 19. He May Be Cheerful in a Low-Key Way Capricorn men are sometimes stereotyped as serious or gloomy. Some certainly are serious, but many also have a dry, understated, or surprisingly playful sense of humor. His cheerfulness may not be loud. It may show up through teasing, wit, practical jokes, private laughter, or a calm appreciation for ordinary pleasures. When stressed, however, a Capricorn man may become irritable or withdrawn. A mature man learns to communicate frustration without exploding or making everyone else responsible for his mood. ## 20. He May Enjoy Collecting Meaningful Things Many Capricorn men appreciate objects with history, craftsmanship, usefulness, or sentimental value. He may collect: - Books - Watches - Coins - Records - Tools - Family keepsakes - Vintage objects The appeal is often less about having “more” and more about preserving something meaningful. Capricorn tends to appreciate quality, tradition, and durability. ## 21. Patience Is Often One of His Strongest Traits Capricorn men frequently take the long view. We may be willing to work toward a goal for months or years without immediate reward. That patience can make a Capricorn man dependable in relationships. He may not rush emotional intimacy, pressure someone into commitment, or make promises before he feels ready. But patience can also become delay. A Capricorn man should be careful not to keep someone waiting indefinitely while he decides whether the relationship fits perfectly into his plans. **Capricorn strengths and challenges:Common strengths:** loyalty, patience, discipline, responsibility, practical thinking, endurance, and long-term commitment. **Common challenges:** emotional guardedness, rigidity, workaholism, pessimism, control, difficulty asking for help, and placing achievement ahead of connection. ## Capricorn Man in Love A Capricorn man in love often becomes more consistent rather than more dramatic. He may not overwhelm you with constant declarations. Instead, he may begin building you into his life. Love may show up through practical acts: - Helping you solve a problem - Making reliable plans - Introducing you to family or close friends - Discussing money, housing, or future goals - Making space for you in his routine - Showing up when life becomes difficult For many Capricorn men, commitment is serious. He may move slowly because he does not want to promise something he cannot sustain. The downside is that he may expect a partner to understand his feelings without hearing them expressed. Practical devotion is meaningful, but words and emotional openness matter too. ## Signs a Capricorn Man Is Falling in Love **Possible signs his feelings are deepening:** - He makes time for you even when work is demanding - He includes you in long-term plans - He shares private fears or insecurities - He asks for your opinion on important decisions - He introduces you to people who matter to him - He becomes more physically affectionate - He helps you without keeping score - He talks openly about commitment - He remains steady during conflict The strongest sign is consistency. A Capricorn man who is serious usually makes his interest visible through repeated action. ## How a Capricorn Man Acts When He Likes You A Capricorn man may not flirt in an obvious way. He is more likely to observe, ask practical questions, remember details, and slowly create opportunities to spend time together. He may: - Offer help with something important - Check whether you arrived home safely - Invite you into his regular routine - Share career or financial goals - Become protective of your time and wellbeing - Show subtle jealousy without admitting it - Make plans well in advance Interest should still feel respectful. Possessiveness, surveillance, pressure, or attempts to control your choices are not romantic signs. ## How to Build a Strong Relationship With a Capricorn Man **What usually helps:** - **Be dependable.** Follow through on what you say. - **Communicate directly.** He may miss subtle hints. - **Respect his ambition.** But do not accept permanent emotional neglect. - **Give trust time to develop.** He may open gradually. - **Maintain your independence.** A strong partner often appeals to him. - **Set boundaries around control.** Structure should not become domination. - **Encourage rest and enjoyment.** Life cannot be one endless project. - **Notice his practical expressions of care.** Then ask for emotional expression when you need it. ## Capricorn Man Compatibility Traditional astrology often pairs Capricorn with signs that appreciate loyalty, stability, commitment, and practical planning. Commonly mentioned matches include: - Taurus - Virgo - Scorpio - Pisces More challenging pairings are sometimes said to include: - Aries - Gemini - Leo - Libra But sun-sign compatibility should never be treated as a verdict. A supposedly difficult pairing can thrive when both people communicate well and share compatible values. A supposedly perfect match can fail when there is dishonesty, emotional immaturity, or conflicting goals. A complete astrological chart also includes the Moon, rising sign, Venus, Mars, houses, and other placements. More importantly, real compatibility depends on trust, attraction, communication, emotional availability, shared values, and effort. **Want to explore more than his Sun sign?**A Capricorn man’s Moon, rising sign, Venus, and Mars placements may add more context to how he approaches emotions, attraction, and relationships. *The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need* by Joanna Martine Woolfolk offers an accessible introduction to signs, planets, houses, compatibility, and full birth charts. [**View the astrology guide on Amazon**](https://amzn.to/3TeH30N) *As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases.* ## Capricorn Man Relationship Check-In **Think about the Capricorn man in your life.**Which quality stands out most? - His loyalty - His ambition - His patience - His privacy - His practical way of showing love - His need for control or structure - His commitment to long-term security The most useful question is not whether he matches every Capricorn stereotype. It is whether the relationship feels honest, mutual, emotionally safe, and compatible with the future you both want. ## ![FAQs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/bottoming-faqs.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Frequently Asked Questions ### What is a Capricorn man like in love? A Capricorn man in love is often steady, loyal, protective, and future-focused. He may express affection through practical support and consistent behavior more readily than dramatic emotional declarations. ### How do you know when a Capricorn man is serious about you? He usually becomes more dependable, includes you in long-term plans, introduces you to important people, discusses commitment, and makes room for you even when work is demanding. ### What attracts a Capricorn man? Many Capricorn men are drawn to confidence, maturity, reliability, intelligence, independence, and someone who has clear goals of their own. ### What pushes a Capricorn man away? Dishonesty, chaos, repeated broken promises, manipulation, public embarrassment, and pressure to become emotionally vulnerable before trust has developed may cause him to withdraw. ### Is a Capricorn man controlling? Some Capricorn men struggle with control because they value predictability and fear failure. But controlling behavior is not inevitable, healthy, or excused by astrology. ### Does a Capricorn man fall in love slowly? Many do. He may take time to observe whether someone is consistent and compatible with the life he wants to build. Once committed, however, he may become deeply invested. ## Wrap Up Dating and loving a Capricorn man can feel steady, secure, intimate, and occasionally complicated. At his best, he is patient, loyal, disciplined, protective, thoughtful, and committed to building a meaningful future. At his worst, he may become controlling, emotionally distant, pessimistic, work-obsessed, or overly concerned with status and security. No Capricorn man will display all 21 traits in the same way. Personality is shaped by far more than a zodiac sign. Family background, culture, attachment style, life experience, maturity, values, and personal choices all matter. Use astrology as a tool for reflection—not as an excuse for harmful behavior or a substitute for getting to know someone. A healthy Capricorn man does not simply build a secure life. He also learns how to be emotionally present inside it. I hope you found this page helpful. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling. **Related Material** [Capricorn man personality traits you should know](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/) [Scorpio man in love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) [Sagittarius man personality, love, and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-love-relationships/) **Reference:** [Carl Jung biography — Encyclopaedia Britannica](https://www.britannica.com/biography/Carl-Jung) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Capricon, Sagittarius, scorpio, Zodiac --- ### [Sagittarius Man: Personality Traits, Love, and Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/sagittarius-man-personality/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![Sagittarius man personality traits in love and relationships](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/man-archery-bow-and-arrow.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sagittarius men are often associated with adventure, optimism, and independence Table of Contents Toggle - [The Good, Bad, and Complicated Side of the Sagittarius Man](#The_Good_Bad_and_Complicated_Side_of_the_Sagittarius_Man) - [1. He’s Likely to Be Optimistic](#1_Hes_Likely_to_Be_Optimistic) - [2. He Craves Excitement](#2_He_Craves_Excitement) - [3. He Doesn’t Like Feeling Controlled](#3_He_Doesnt_Like_Feeling_Controlled) - [4. He’s Naturally Curious](#4_Hes_Naturally_Curious) - [5. He Can Be Impatient](#5_He_Can_Be_Impatient) - [6. He Tends to See the Big Picture](#6_He_Tends_to_See_the_Big_Picture) - [7. He Can Be Idealistic](#7_He_Can_Be_Idealistic) - [8. He’s Often Generous](#8_Hes_Often_Generous) - [9. He May Love the Outdoors](#9_He_May_Love_the_Outdoors) - [10. He Often Identifies With Movement and Vitality](#10_He_Often_Identifies_With_Movement_and_Vitality) - [11. He Often Prefers a Casual Style](#11_He_Often_Prefers_a_Casual_Style) - [12. He May Enjoy Taking the Lead in Intimacy](#12_He_May_Enjoy_Taking_the_Lead_in_Intimacy) - [13. He May Listen More Than You Expect](#13_He_May_Listen_More_Than_You_Expect) - [14. He Can Become Overconfident](#14_He_Can_Become_Overconfident) - [15. He Can Be Bluntly Honest](#15_He_Can_Be_Bluntly_Honest) - [16. He’s Often Intellectual](#16_Hes_Often_Intellectual) - [17. He’s Adventurous](#17_Hes_Adventurous) - [18. He Can Be Careless](#18_He_Can_Be_Careless) - [19. He Likes Recognition](#19_He_Likes_Recognition) - [20. He May Enjoy an Adventurous Sex Life](#20_He_May_Enjoy_an_Adventurous_Sex_Life) - [21. He Usually Has a Good Sense of Humor](#21_He_Usually_Has_a_Good_Sense_of_Humor) - [22. He Can Be Highly Self-Critical](#22_He_Can_Be_Highly_Self-Critical) - [23. He May Act Quickly on Goals](#23_He_May_Act_Quickly_on_Goals) - [24. He Needs Personal Space](#24_He_Needs_Personal_Space) - [25. He May Be Slow to Fall in Love](#25_He_May_Be_Slow_to_Fall_in_Love) - [Signs a Sagittarius Man Is Falling in Love](#Signs_a_Sagittarius_Man_Is_Falling_in_Love) - [How to Build a Strong Relationship With a Sagittarius Man](#How_to_Build_a_Strong_Relationship_With_a_Sagittarius_Man) - [Sagittarius Man Compatibility](#Sagittarius_Man_Compatibility) - [Sagittarius Man Relationship Check-In](#Sagittarius_Man_Relationship_Check-In) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## The Good, Bad, and Complicated Side of the Sagittarius Man By Chris Knight Are you attracted to a **Sagittarius man**? Trying to understand how Sagittarius men behave in love and relationships? Hoping to gain better insight into this fire sign? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Many people are drawn to Sagittarius men but cannot always explain why. Perhaps it is the optimism, confidence, humor, curiosity, or adventurous energy. Maybe you can relate. I wrote this article to help you better understand the Sagittarius personality from a first-person perspective. A lot of what appears online about this sign is vague, contradictory, or exaggerated. **I should know because I am a Sagittarius man.** Throughout my life, I have spent countless hours studying astrology, ancient symbolism, and mysticism. Sagittarius is traditionally associated with truth-seeking, exploration, and the pursuit of knowledge, and those themes have always resonated with me. Before we go further, I want to be clear: I am not a psychic or professional astrologer. I am simply a man who is interested in astrology, psychology, spirituality, and what some people call the *psycho-spiritual*—the place where emotional insight and spiritual symbolism sometimes overlap. I also compared notes with another student of ancient lore who happens to be a [Virgo man](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/). Hearing different perspectives helped me build a more balanced picture. Astrology is not a scientific method for diagnosing personality or predicting whether a relationship will succeed. Use what follows for insight and entertainment, and always get to know the actual man in front of you. With that foundation in place, let’s explore 25 common traits associated with Sagittarius men in love and relationships. **Sagittarius man at a glance:** A Sagittarius man is often described as optimistic, adventurous, direct, curious, independent, and slow to feel tied down. At his best, he is generous, funny, open-minded, and exciting. At his worst, he can become impatient, careless, blunt, restless, or overly confident. ![optimistic Sagittarius man personality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-holding-sun.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sagittarius men are often described as optimistic ## 1. He’s Likely to Be Optimistic As a group, many Sagittarius men are naturally optimistic. Even when difficult news arrives, we tend to look for the lesson, opportunity, or path forward. That does not necessarily mean we minimize pain or pretend everything is fine. It means we usually believe that circumstances can improve. This sunny outlook can make a Sagittarius man encouraging during hard times. He may remind you of possibilities that you have overlooked or help you see that one setback does not define the future. The downside is that optimism can occasionally become avoidance. A Sagittarius man may rush too quickly toward “the bright side” when a partner needs him to slow down, listen, and acknowledge that something genuinely hurts. ## 2. He Craves Excitement Sagittarius men often enjoy new experiences, spontaneous plans, travel, learning, and adventure. Routine can feel comforting for some people. For many of us, too much repetition begins to feel restrictive. This does not mean a Sagittarius man is incapable of stability. It means he may need variety within that stability. A healthy relationship with him might include: - Trying new restaurants - Taking spontaneous day trips - Learning something together - Exploring new places - Changing up ordinary routines - Maintaining separate interests The challenge is finding a balance between novelty and dependability. Excitement should add energy to the relationship, not become an excuse to avoid responsibility. ## 3. He Doesn’t Like Feeling Controlled This is one of the better-known Sagittarius traits. Many Sagittarius men strongly value freedom and independence. We do not usually respond well to being monitored, pressured, or told how we must think. That does not mean we cannot commit. A Sagittarius man can be deeply loyal when he chooses a relationship freely and feels respected within it. The problem arises when commitment is framed as confinement. Excessive jealousy, repeated demands for reassurance, checking his phone, or attempting to control his friendships may cause him to pull away quickly. At the same time, independence cannot become a one-sided rule. A Sagittarius man who expects freedom must also respect his partner’s autonomy and honor the agreements of the relationship. ## 4. He’s Naturally Curious If there is one trait strongly associated with Sagittarius, it is curiosity. We want to know how things work, why people behave as they do, and what exists beyond the familiar. This curiosity may include: - Science and nature - Religion and philosophy - Travel and culture - Politics and history - Psychology - Spirituality - Your personal story When a Sagittarius man is interested in you, he may ask many questions. He is often trying to understand how you think, what motivates you, and what shaped the person you are today. Curiosity becomes less appealing when it feels intrusive or when he asks intimate questions without offering the same openness in return. The healthiest Sagittarius man understands that emotional discovery should be mutual. ## 5. He Can Be Impatient I do not love admitting this, but many Sagittarius men can be impatient. When we know what we want, we often want to move toward it immediately. That decisiveness can be useful. It may help a Sagittarius man act while others are still hesitating. But it can also lead to impulsive decisions. He may: - Book a trip without thinking through the details - Make a major purchase too quickly - Rush into a new opportunity - Speak before considering the impact - Become frustrated by slow progress Patience is a skill, not a fixed personality trait. A mature Sagittarius man learns that some of the most valuable things—trust, intimacy, expertise, and lasting love—cannot be rushed. ![Sagittarius man seeing the big picture](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-wisdom.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sagittarius men often focus on the big picture ## 6. He Tends to See the Big Picture Many Sagittarius men are vision-oriented. We naturally think about possibilities, long-term goals, and where an idea could lead. This may explain why some Sagittarius men are drawn toward entrepreneurship, education, marketing, sales, travel, philosophy, or creative work. The advantage is vision. The disadvantage is that details may receive less attention. A Sagittarius man might remember the dream vacation but forget to renew the passport. He may develop a bold business idea but overlook a deadline or practical expense. In relationships, this can show up as forgetting a date, appointment, birthday, or household responsibility. You should not have to manage his entire life. But a shared calendar, reminders, and clear division of responsibilities can reduce unnecessary conflict. ## 7. He Can Be Idealistic Sagittarius is often associated with ideals, truth, justice, and possibility. Many of us are drawn toward the question: *What could life become?* This can make a Sagittarius man hopeful, visionary, and inspiring. He may believe strongly in fairness, personal freedom, education, or making the world better. The downside is that idealism may clash with reality. He can become disappointed when people, institutions, or relationships fail to live up to the picture in his mind. A mature Sagittarius learns to keep his ideals while accepting that real people are imperfect. ## 8. He’s Often Generous Sagittarius men can be remarkably generous. We may share money, time, knowledge, attention, or experiences with the people we care about. When a Sagittarius man is in love, he may want to: - Take you on an adventure - Pay for a memorable experience - Help solve a practical problem - Introduce you to new ideas - Support your goals Sometimes generosity becomes excessive. A Sagittarius man may spend more than he can reasonably afford or make promises that are difficult to sustain. Healthy generosity is thoughtful and responsible. It should not be used to impress, gain control, or avoid emotional intimacy. ## 9. He May Love the Outdoors Many Sagittarius men feel restored by open space, travel, and nature. Hiking, camping, fishing, boating, road trips, national parks, beaches, and outdoor exercise may be especially appealing. This does not mean every Sagittarius man owns hiking boots or wants to sleep in a tent. The deeper theme is freedom. Being outdoors can create a sense of movement and possibility that fits the Sagittarius temperament. If your Sagittarius man enjoys nature, joining him occasionally may strengthen the bond. He should also respect your comfort level and interests. ## 10. He Often Identifies With Movement and Vitality Traditional astrology symbolically connects Sagittarius with the hips, thighs, and movement. That symbolism should not be interpreted as medical fact. A zodiac sign cannot predict whether someone will develop joint, hip, or muscular problems. Health is influenced by genetics, injuries, habits, healthcare, age, and many other factors. Still, many Sagittarius men enjoy being active. Running, lifting weights, hiking, cycling, and sports may appeal to their desire for movement and challenge. Like anyone who exercises, a Sagittarius man benefits from: - Using appropriate form - Allowing time for recovery - Taking pain seriously - Seeking qualified medical advice when injured - Avoiding unproven supplements as a substitute for care ![Sagittarius man in relationships and casual clothing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/attractive-man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Many Sagittarius men prefer a relaxed and casual style ## 11. He Often Prefers a Casual Style Many Sagittarius men are relaxed when it comes to clothing and appearance. Given the choice, we may prefer jeans, a comfortable shirt, boots, sneakers, or outdoor clothing over something highly formal. That does not mean a Sagittarius man cannot dress well. He may look excellent in a suit when the occasion calls for it. He simply may not want to live in formal clothing every day. His style often reflects practicality, movement, and ease. ## 12. He May Enjoy Taking the Lead in Intimacy Some Sagittarius men enjoy confident, adventurous, and energetic sexual expression. They may like initiating intimacy, suggesting new experiences, or taking the lead. But this is not universal. No zodiac sign determines a person’s sexual preferences, and no one should assume that a Sagittarius man is automatically dominant, uninhibited, or interested in a particular activity. The strongest sexual connection with him usually includes: - Open communication - Mutual enthusiasm - Consent - Playfulness - Trust - Room for exploration A confident partner may appeal to him because the relationship feels like an exchange between equals rather than one person simply following the other. ## 13. He May Listen More Than You Expect Sagittarius men are often described as outspoken, but some may be quieter during the early stages of getting to know someone. Curiosity can make us attentive listeners. We may prefer to gather information before revealing our deepest opinions or emotions. As trust grows, however, the conversation usually opens up. A comfortable Sagittarius man may talk at length about travel, ideas, philosophy, future plans, or whatever topic has captured his attention. Listening is a strength only when it is genuine. A Sagittarius man should not use questions to avoid discussing his own emotions indefinitely. ## 14. He Can Become Overconfident Confidence is one of the Sagittarius man’s most appealing qualities. Overconfidence is another story. Some of us assume that optimism, intelligence, or instinct will carry us through almost any challenge. That can lead to: - Underestimating risk - Ignoring advice - Making promises too quickly - Believing rules do not apply - Taking on more than we can manage Experience often becomes the teacher. A mature Sagittarius learns from mistakes rather than repeating them while insisting that everything will somehow work out. ## 15. He Can Be Bluntly Honest Many people appreciate a partner who is direct and honest. Sagittarius men often provide exactly that. The problem is not usually dishonesty. It is delivery. We may blurt out an observation without pausing to consider whether it is necessary, helpful, or kind. Honesty should not become cruelty. A mature Sagittarius understands that truth can be expressed with compassion. Instead of saying: > “That idea is terrible.” He can say: > “I see some problems with that approach. Can we talk through them?” Directness is attractive when it creates clarity. It becomes damaging when it is used as an excuse to disregard another person’s feelings. ![honest and energetic Sagittarius man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/guy-athlete.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sagittarius men are often known for directness and honesty ## 16. He’s Often Intellectual Sagittarius is traditionally associated with higher learning, philosophy, and exploration. Many Sagittarius men enjoy conversations about: - Science - Nature - Religion - Politics - History - Art - Psychology - Current events We often enjoy exchanging ideas with someone who can challenge us without turning every disagreement into a personal conflict. The danger is becoming intellectually arrogant. Being knowledgeable does not mean being correct about everything. The best Sagittarius man remains curious enough to change his mind when new evidence appears. ## 17. He’s Adventurous Adventure is one of the qualities most closely associated with Sagittarius. We often want to see what is around the next corner. That adventure might involve travel, career changes, education, relationships, hobbies, or new ways of thinking. A Sagittarius man can help a partner break out of a rut and experience life differently. But adventure should not require chaos. A man can remain curious and spontaneous while also keeping commitments, honoring a budget, and considering how his choices affect other people. ## 18. He Can Be Careless The shadow side of adventure is carelessness. When excitement, impatience, and overconfidence combine, a Sagittarius man may take risks without fully considering the consequences. This may include: - Driving too fast - Ignoring safety precautions - Overspending - Making sudden commitments - Taking physical risks - Speaking impulsively Do not be afraid to raise a legitimate safety concern. However, avoid taking on the role of parent, supervisor, or permanent rescuer. A grown man is responsible for his own choices. ## 19. He Likes Recognition Like many fire signs, Sagittarius men often enjoy being noticed and appreciated. We may take pride in our work, ideas, humor, skills, or accomplishments. Recognition feels especially meaningful when it is sincere. There is a difference between enjoying praise and requiring constant attention. A confident Sagittarius man can celebrate his own achievements while also making room for others to shine. If every conversation must revolve around him, the issue is not astrology. It is emotional maturity. ## 20. He May Enjoy an Adventurous Sex Life Many Sagittarius men are associated with curiosity and openness in the bedroom. They may enjoy spontaneity, playfulness, experimentation, and direct communication about desire. But sexual compatibility cannot be predicted by a sun sign. What matters more is whether both partners: - Communicate clearly - Respect boundaries - Practice mutual consent - Discuss sexual health - Care about each other’s pleasure - Feel emotionally safe Astrology can provide a playful framework for discussing intimacy, but it should never replace an honest conversation. ![Sagittarius man with a good sense of humor](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/attractive-young-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Humor and laughter are common Sagittarius traits ## 21. He Usually Has a Good Sense of Humor Many Sagittarius men enjoy laughter, stories, teasing, and absurd observations. Humor can help us connect with people and move through difficult moments. The problem comes when timing is poor. A Sagittarius man may make a joke because he feels uncomfortable or wants to lighten the mood, even when the moment calls for seriousness. Humor should bring people closer rather than dismiss their pain. A mature Sagittarius knows when to be funny and when to simply listen. ## 22. He Can Be Highly Self-Critical This may seem surprising given Sagittarius optimism and confidence. But some Sagittarius men judge themselves harshly. We may encourage everyone else while privately believing that we should have achieved more, moved faster, or handled something better. That inner criticism can become especially strong after failure. Support from a partner can help, but reassurance should not become an endless responsibility. A Sagittarius man also needs to learn how to speak to himself with the same patience he often offers other people. ## 23. He May Act Quickly on Goals Many Sagittarius men dislike unnecessary delay. Once we decide that something matters, we often want to start immediately. That can make us productive, decisive, and effective. But not every Sagittarius man is automatically organized or immune to procrastination. Some may enthusiastically begin a project and lose interest once the novelty fades. The more accurate trait is action orientation. A mature Sagittarius learns to pair enthusiasm with follow-through. ## 24. He Needs Personal Space Every now and then, a Sagittarius man may need time alone. That does not necessarily mean he is losing interest or planning to leave. Some of us need solitude to process thoughts, decompress, or reconnect with our sense of independence. Healthy space may involve: - Time with friends - A solo hobby - Exercise - Travel - Quiet time - Working on a personal project Space should not mean disappearing without explanation. A considerate Sagittarius can say: > “I need some time to myself tonight, but we’re okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.” That protects independence without creating unnecessary anxiety. ## 25. He May Be Slow to Fall in Love Many Sagittarius men take their time before becoming deeply committed. This often connects with the fear of losing freedom or choosing a relationship that feels restrictive. He may enjoy dating and attraction while remaining cautious about labels or long-term promises. But once a Sagittarius man feels safe, respected, excited, and emotionally connected, he may lower his defenses. When he commits sincerely, he often wants to share experiences, ideas, plans, and an expanding life with his partner. The key is that commitment must feel chosen—not forced. ## Signs a Sagittarius Man Is Falling in Love Because Sagittarius men can be social and naturally charming, it may be difficult to know whether he is seriously interested or simply enjoying the moment. Possible signs that his feelings are deepening include: - He consistently makes time for you - He includes you in future plans - He shares his private fears and doubts - He introduces you to important friends or family - He asks for your opinion before making major decisions - He becomes more dependable - He gives you freedom rather than trying to control you - He wants to experience new things with you - He remains present when the relationship becomes emotionally difficult The strongest sign is consistency. Charm can happen in a moment. Commitment reveals itself over time. ## How to Build a Strong Relationship With a Sagittarius Man A Sagittarius man usually responds well to a relationship that combines honesty, freedom, affection, humor, and growth. A few ideas may help: - **Be direct.** Say what you mean rather than relying on hints or tests. - **Maintain your own life.** Independence is usually more attractive to him than constant availability. - **Keep learning together.** Shared experiences can help prevent stagnation. - **Respect his need for space.** But expect communication and accountability in return. - **Set boundaries around bluntness.** Honesty does not excuse disrespect. - **Avoid trying to control him.** Ask for commitment through mutual agreement, not surveillance. - **Give sincere appreciation.** Recognition often matters to him. - **Expect follow-through.** Optimism and exciting ideas must eventually be supported by action. The goal is not to keep him entertained every second. It is to build a relationship that feels alive without becoming unstable. ## Sagittarius Man Compatibility Traditional astrology often pairs Sagittarius with signs that value freedom, communication, and adventure. Commonly mentioned matches include: - Aquarius - Leo - Libra - Aries More challenging pairings are sometimes said to include: - Pisces - Scorpio - Cancer - Virgo But sun-sign compatibility should never be treated as a verdict. A so-called difficult pairing can thrive when both people communicate well and share compatible values. A supposedly ideal match can fail when there is dishonesty, emotional immaturity, or conflicting goals. A complete astrological chart also includes the moon, rising sign, Venus, Mars, houses, and other placements. More importantly, real relationships depend on trust, communication, respect, attraction, emotional availability, and effort. ## Sagittarius Man Relationship Check-In **Think about the Sagittarius man in your life.** Which quality stands out most? - His optimism and enthusiasm - His independence - His curiosity and intelligence - His adventurous side - His blunt honesty - His impatience or restlessness - His humor and generosity The most useful question is not whether he matches every Sagittarius stereotype. It is whether the relationship feels honest, mutual, emotionally safe, and compatible with the life you both want. ## Wrap Up Dating and loving a Sagittarius man can be exciting, unpredictable, affectionate, and occasionally complicated. At his best, he is optimistic, curious, adventurous, generous, funny, intelligent, and open to growth. At his worst, he may become careless, impatient, blunt, restless, overconfident, or resistant to commitment. No Sagittarius man will display all 25 traits in the same way. Personality is shaped by far more than a zodiac sign. Family background, culture, relationships, attachment style, maturity, values, and life experience all matter. Use astrology as a tool for reflection—not as an excuse for harmful behavior or a substitute for getting to know someone. A healthy Sagittarius man does not simply demand freedom. He uses that freedom responsibly, respects his partner’s independence, and chooses the relationship again and again. I hope you found this page insightful. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling. **Related Material** [Aquarius personality traits and compatibility](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) [Everything you wanted to know about Cancer men](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/) **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Mythology, Sagittarius --- ### [25 Truths About a Virgo Man in Love and Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/) **Published:** July 9, 2026 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![virgo man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/virgo-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [What The Virgo Man in Love Is Like](#What_The_Virgo_Man_in_Love_Is_Like) - [Video on Virgo Man Personality](#Video_on_Virgo_Man_Personality) - [1. He’s focused and observant](#1_Hes_focused_and_observant) - [2. We can tune into you](#2_We_can_tune_into_you) - [3. We’re highly organized](#3_Were_highly_organized) - [4. We can be highly critical](#4_We_can_be_highly_critical) - [5. We’re social creatures](#5_Were_social_creatures) - [6. We’re attracted to your mind](#6_Were_attracted_to_your_mind) - [7. We’re more passionate than people assume](#7_Were_more_passionate_than_people_assume) - [8. We worry a lot](#8_We_worry_a_lot) - [9. You’ll notice he’s calm](#9_Youll_notice_hes_calm) - [10. He’s going to be highly independent](#10_Hes_going_to_be_highly_independent) - [11. Big on trust](#11_Big_on_trust) - [12. We’re very loyal](#12_Were_very_loyal) - [13. He’ll have high standards](#13_Hell_have_high_standards) - [14. He’s going to be practical](#14_Hes_going_to_be_practical) - [15. He’s a saver](#15_Hes_a_saver) - [16. We’re kind of nerdy](#16_Were_kind_of_nerdy) - [17. Problems with sleep](#17_Problems_with_sleep) - [18. We are attentive lovers](#18_We_are_attentive_lovers) - [19. We focus on work a lot](#19_We_focus_on_work_a_lot) - [20. We have memories like elephants](#20_We_have_memories_like_elephants) - [21. We can be health-anxious](#21_We_can_be_health-anxious) - [22. We struggle with guilt](#22_We_struggle_with_guilt) - [23. Very compassionate](#23_Very_compassionate) - [24. We’re all about others](#24_Were_all_about_others) - [25. He likes to travel](#25_He_likes_to_travel) - [Virgo Men Video](#Virgo_Men_Video) - [Frequently Asked Questions About Virgo Men](#Frequently_Asked_Questions_About_Virgo_Men) - [What is a Virgo man like in love?](#What_is_a_Virgo_man_like_in_love) - [How does a Virgo man show he cares?](#How_does_a_Virgo_man_show_he_cares) - [Are Virgo men loyal in relationships?](#Are_Virgo_men_loyal_in_relationships) - [What does a Virgo man need from a partner?](#What_does_a_Virgo_man_need_from_a_partner) - [Are Virgo men emotionally distant?](#Are_Virgo_men_emotionally_distant) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## **What The Virgo Man in Love Is Like** Are you dating a Virgo man? Trying to figure out **how Virgo men operate in love and relationships**? Hoping to gain new insight into this earth sign? If the answer is yes, join the club. Many people are drawn to the Virgo man because he’s mysterious, thoughtful, and quietly magnetic. Does this describe you? My hope in writing this piece is to help you better understand the Virgo man’s mind. A lot of what you’ll read on the internet about this sign is confusing, outdated, or just plain wrong. **I should know — I’m a Virgo man myself.** Since I was old enough to read, I’ve been drawn to the world of self-understanding, including astrology. Like a lot of Virgo guys, there’s a “chip” inside of me that wants to analyze everything — including people. Over the years, I’ve stopped questioning why and started using it. Before we go further, I want to be upfront: I’m not a psychic or a professional astrologer. My writing blends psychology, symbolism, and personality insight through a psycho-spiritual lens — a way of using symbolic frameworks like astrology as a mirror for self-reflection, not a rulebook for who someone is. Below is an in-depth video on YouTube covering the male Virgo personality. ## Video on Virgo Man Personality At its core, [psycho-spiritualism](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1046/j.1365-2648.2003.02768.x) is a twenty-five-cent word for the blending of psychology with symbolic or spiritual frameworks. Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist, often referenced astrology in his work as a way to help people understand recurring patterns in themselves. An example of this can be found in [dream analysis](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/), where Jung used symbolic frameworks to help assess meaning (Jung, 1939). I’m sharing this only to deepen your insight, not to suggest astrology is a science. > **Virgo note:** Zodiac articles are best used for self-reflection, not rigid labels. A Virgo man’s behavior depends on his maturity, values, attachment style, communication skills, and life experience — not his sign alone. Think of the traits below as a starting point for conversation and self-awareness, not a verdict. Now that everything is on the table, it’s time to walk through 25 truths about Virgo men in love and relationships. What follows is the **real deal** — the good, the bad, and the occasionally awkward. ## **1. He’s focused and observant** Out of the 12 zodiac signs, Virgo is one of the most observant. Astrologically, this is often tied to Virgo’s ruling planet, Mercury — the planet of communication and detail. You’ll usually sense you’re in the presence of a Virgo man because, intuitively, you’ll feel him quietly studying you. Anyone who’s spent real time with a Virgo will tell you the same thing. ## **2. We can tune into you** A key thing to know about Virgo men: we’re highly analytical. With a sharp eye for detail and sensitivity to other people’s moods, we have a way of tuning into you on multiple levels. We’re not psychic — but many of us do have strong empathic instincts. It’s less magic and more the byproduct of paying close attention. We notice body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, which lets us pick up on what’s really going on with you, sometimes before you say it out loud. ## **3. We’re highly organized** A lot of Virgo men are naturally organized. That can be a real strength — but taken too far, it can tip into rigidity. Some Virgo men lean toward perfectionism or become fixated on routines and to-do lists in a way that creates friction in relationships. This isn’t a clinical diagnosis, just a tendency worth being aware of, in yourself or your partner. The upside is that most of this drive toward order comes from a genuine desire to help and provide comfort to others. In a relationship with a Virgo man, expect him to care — sometimes intensely — about the details. ## **4. We can be highly critical** This one’s not always comfortable to admit, but it’s real. Virgo men tend to be hard on everyone, including ourselves. That can come across as demanding, nitpicky, or overly focused on what’s wrong instead of what’s working. I’m not saying all Virgo men are negative — that’s not true. But there is a tendency toward criticism that, left unchecked, can wear on a relationship. The good news is that with self-awareness, it can be softened into something more like discernment than judgment. ## **5. We’re social creatures** One thing many Virgos love is being around people. We’re often most relaxed in social settings — parties, small gatherings, or long conversations with close friends. Part of this comes from enjoying the exchange of ideas and information; Mercury is sometimes called the “messenger” planet, and it shows. Many Virgo men keep a wide circle of friends and enjoy comparing notes on everything from world events to what’s going on with the people around them. ![virgo men personality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/attractive-young-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What it’s like dating a Virgo man ## **6. We’re attracted to your mind** While some signs are drawn in by looks first, that’s usually not what hooks a Virgo man. He’ll notice how you look — but the real attraction kicks in once there’s a mental connection. This means Virgo men are typically drawn to people who are curious, thoughtful, and willing to talk about real things. Do you challenge conventional thinking? Do you like exploring ideas from different angles? If so, there’s a good chance the Virgo man in your life is paying close attention. ## **7. We’re more passionate than people assume** One of the biggest misconceptions about Virgo men is that we’re reserved or unadventurous when it comes to intimacy. Here’s the truth: **we are passionate**, but there usually needs to be a mental and emotional connection first for things to really click. Once that trust is established, Virgo men tend to be attentive and deeply present. That said, we like to feel grounded before diving in — communication and mutual comfort matter more to us than spontaneity. In that sense, we’re somewhat [like Aquarius men](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) in valuing understanding before action. ## **8. We worry a lot** If you’re with a Virgo man, it won’t take long to notice he tends to worry. This anxiety can show up in small, specific ways — did I lock the door, is this ache something serious — more than big-picture fears. This tendency toward worry shows up across the Virgo sign, in men and women alike. Unlike the [water sign Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/), whose worry often centers on family, Virgo men tend to worry more broadly, about everything from health to logistics. ## **9. You’ll notice he’s calm** A key trait of Virgo men is a calm, steady presence. Some might even read it as detachment — but it’s usually something different. As one of the three earth signs (alongside Taurus and Capricorn), Virgo men tend to be centered and grounded. Many people say Virgos have a calming effect during emotional storms — like an oak tree that holds steady no matter the weather. ## **10. He’s going to be highly independent** A lot of people assume Virgos are control freaks, but that label fits [Scorpio men](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) far better. What Virgo men actually are is **independent**. We tend to march to our own beat and don’t love being told how to think or act — partly a function of how much time we spend processing things internally. If you’re with a Virgo man, expect periods where he needs space to think. That’s not him pulling away from you — it’s him organizing his thoughts. Give him that room, and he’ll come back more present than before. ![Virgo man having coffee athletic](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/man-drinking-coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Virgos are very independent ## **11. Big on trust** By nature, Virgo men can be skeptical and slow to fully trust. Part of this comes from being naturally observant — we tend to pick up on inconsistencies quickly. That said, once you earn a Virgo man’s trust, he’ll reflect that honesty right back to you, and the bond only deepens from there. One of the best ways to build trust with a Virgo man is by being transparent about your thoughts and feelings. Holding back tends to show, even when you don’t mean it to. ## **12. We’re very loyal** Hand in hand with trust is loyalty. When a Virgo man commits, he tends to commit fully — emotionally and physically. That doesn’t mean he won’t notice other people or occasionally flirt. He might. But that’s a far cry from crossing real boundaries. In turn, Virgo men expect the same level of loyalty from their partner and place a high value on it. ## **13. He’ll have high standards** People sometimes call Virgos “picky,” but it’s more accurate to say we’re discerning. Much of this comes from a perfectionist streak. This doesn’t mean a Virgo man needs the finest of everything — it means he puts a premium on quality over quantity. In a relationship, expect someone who values things (and people) that are well-made, well-considered, and built to last. ## **14. He’s going to be practical** One of the underrated strengths of a Virgo man is his practicality. As an earth sign, he tends to plan ahead and prefers simplicity over complication. To put it simply: given the choice between an expensive gift you’d wear once and something genuinely useful you’d rely on daily, he’ll pick the useful one. Whether that reads as romantic or unromantic depends on what you value — but it usually comes from a place of care. ## **15. He’s a saver** Remember that worry we mentioned earlier? Money is often a big source of it. Many Virgo men are natural savers. That doesn’t mean cheap — a Virgo man will happily spend on something he considers high quality. But because he tends to think ahead about the future, he also likes having a financial cushion. It helps him feel more secure, which in turn helps him show up more fully in the relationship. ![independent Virgo men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/mens-skin-routine-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Many Virgo men can be nerdy ## **16. We’re kind of nerdy** Because Virgo men are detail-focused, we tend to get absorbed in the specifics of how things work. It’s not unusual for a Virgo guy to go down a rabbit hole researching something obscure just because it caught his interest. If you’re into guys who love science, systems, or figuring out how something ticks, a Virgo man might be right up your alley. He may not advertise it, though — many Virgo men are quietly geeky rather than loudly so. ## **17. Problems with sleep** Have you slept next to a Virgo man? Notice the tossing and turning, or the occasional [restless night](https://guycounseling.com/self-hypnosis-insomnia/)? If so, you’ve picked up on a common pattern for this sign. The root cause is usually the same thing driving a lot of Virgo traits: an active, worry-prone mind that has trouble switching off at night. A calming pre-bed routine — a massage, a quiet conversation, dim lights — can go a long way toward helping him wind down. ## **18. We are attentive lovers** One thing partners of Virgo men often notice is how attentive they are in intimate moments. Virgo men tend to bring the same analytical, detail-oriented energy to physical intimacy that they bring to everything else — paying close attention to their partner’s reactions and adjusting accordingly. This works best when it’s built on open communication. A Virgo man generally wants to know what feels good to you, and he’s usually willing to ask rather than guess. Mutual comfort, consent, and honest feedback matter to him — intimacy, for a Virgo man, tends to be something built together rather than performed. ## **19. We focus on work a lot** Depending on how you look at it, this trait cuts both ways. Many Virgo men are hard workers who take real pride in doing a job well. Detail-oriented by nature, we tend to stay on top of things at work, sometimes to the point of overextending ourselves. Common fields for Virgo men include psychology, data analysis, research, teaching, and finance — anywhere their analytical strengths can shine. Interestingly, plenty of Virgos are also drawn to acting, since it requires the same kind of deep, obsessive study of a role. ## **20. We have memories like elephants** Part of the Virgo mind is the ability to store and recall detail with real precision — anniversaries, birthdays, small moments that mattered. We also tend to remember what you say with uncanny accuracy. If you mentioned something in passing years ago, don’t be surprised if he still remembers it. Because of this, it’s **never a good idea to be dishonest with a Virgo man** — inconsistencies tend to get noticed. ![Virgo is an earth sign](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/anxiety-men.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Virgo men have strong memories ## **21. We can be health-anxious** This isn’t the most flattering trait, but it needs to be said honestly: many Virgo men lean toward health anxiety. It’s common for a Virgo guy to fixate on symptoms or worry more than the situation calls for. To be clear, this isn’t a clinical diagnosis — just a pattern worth naming. If you’re with a Virgo man, it can help to gently acknowledge the worry without feeding it, and to encourage him to check in with a real doctor (or therapist) when the anxiety feels bigger than the moment. ## **22. We struggle with guilt** It’s a bit of a paradox: a Virgo man’s logical mind often tells him he’s done nothing wrong, but his anxious mind still holds onto guilt from the past. Some Virgo men carry old regrets about family relationships or friendships for years. Others take on blame that was never really theirs to carry. The upside is that this tendency toward guilt usually comes paired with a genuine desire to treat others well. ## **23. Very compassionate** This trait shows up across the whole Virgo sign, not just the men. There’s a real, consistent drive to care about others. If you’re going through something hard, a Virgo man is usually someone you can count on to actually listen — not just wait for his turn to talk. In that sense, Virgo men share something in common with the compassionate, intuitive nature of [Pisces men](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/). ## **24. We’re all about others** Virgo is often called the sign of service. Think of someone like Mother Teresa. Virgo men tend to genuinely enjoy helping the people around them, especially those going through a hard time. The challenge is that this can tip into over-giving, leaving a Virgo man emotionally drained. If you’re with one, a gentle reminder every so often to prioritize his own self-care can make a real difference — for his wellbeing and for the relationship. ## **25. He likes to travel** If you love exploring new places, a Virgo man is usually happy to join you. As an earth sign, he tends to feel most alive outdoors — camping, hiking, and destinations with a real connection to nature are favorites. One thing to know: spontaneity is fine, but planning is what really makes a Virgo man comfortable. A loose itinerary helps him feel more relaxed and present, rather than anxious about the unknown. ## Virgo Men Video Just for fun, here’s another video about the Virgo man. If you’re dating one — or you are one — it’s worth a watch. ## **Frequently Asked Questions About Virgo Men** ### **What is a Virgo man like in love?** A Virgo man in love tends to be attentive, loyal, and practical. He shows care through actions and details rather than grand gestures, and he usually needs a genuine mental connection before he opens up emotionally. ### **How does a Virgo man show he cares?** Virgo men often express affection through acts of service — remembering small details, helping solve problems, and quietly showing up for the people they love. Words matter to him too, but consistent actions are usually where his care shows up most. ### **Are Virgo men loyal in relationships?** Generally, yes. Once a Virgo man commits, loyalty tends to be one of his strongest traits. He also places a high value on receiving that same loyalty in return. ### **What does a Virgo man need from a partner?** Honesty, patience, and space to process his thoughts. Virgo men tend to thrive with partners who communicate openly, don’t take his need for alone time personally, and appreciate his practical way of showing love. ### **Are Virgo men emotionally distant?** Not usually — though they can come across that way at first. Virgo men often need time to feel emotionally safe before opening up fully. Once that trust is established, most become deeply attentive and present partners. ## **Wrap Up** Dating a Virgo man isn’t as complicated as the internet makes it sound. He’s practical by nature, grounded like the earth he’s tied to, and more emotionally attentive than people often give him credit for. Some call Virgo men overly critical or self-absorbed. Others say they nag too much. In my experience, neither label tells the full story. The reality is Virgo men are just like everyone else — doing their best to love well. The main difference is that we tend to worry more, notice more, and think things through a little longer than most. I hope this gave you some real insight into the Virgo man in your life — or into yourself. Thanks for stopping by. — **Reference** Lin, H.-R. and Bauer-Wu, S.M. (2003), Psycho-spiritual well-being in patients with advanced cancer: an integrative review of the literature. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 44: 69-80. **Categories:** Astrology, Lore **Tags:** Astrology, Virgo, Zodiac --- ### [What Does It Mean If I Dream About Fish?](https://guycounseling.com/fish-dream-meaning/) **Published:** December 20, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![fish dream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/fish-in-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreaming about fish? Table of Contents Toggle - [Dreams About Fish Explained](#Dreams_About_Fish_Explained) - [On this page, you will learn:](#On_this_page_you_will_learn) - [Video about Meaning of Fish in Dreams](#Video_about_Meaning_of_Fish_in_Dreams) - [Dreaming of Swimming Fish](#Dreaming_of_Swimming_Fish) - [Possible interpretations:](#Possible_interpretations) - [Dreams About Fish Eggs](#Dreams_About_Fish_Eggs) - [Common interpretations include:](#Common_interpretations_include) - [Do Dreams about Fish Eggs Relate to Fertility?](#Do_Dreams_about_Fish_Eggs_Relate_to_Fertility) - [Possible meanings for fish and fertility.](#Possible_meanings_for_fish_and_fertility) - [Why am I Dreaming of Eating Fish?](#Why_am_I_Dreaming_of_Eating_Fish) - [Dreams About Cooking Fish](#Dreams_About_Cooking_Fish) - [Dreams About Cleaning Fish](#Dreams_About_Cleaning_Fish) - [Dreams about Dead Fish](#Dreams_about_Dead_Fish) - [Common interpretations include:](#Common_interpretations_include-2) - [Fish Tank Dreams](#Fish_Tank_Dreams) - [Common interpretations include:](#Common_interpretations_include-3) - [Dreams about Someone Fishing](#Dreams_about_Someone_Fishing) - [Typical interpretations include:](#Typical_interpretations_include) - [Dreams about Ice Fishing](#Dreams_about_Ice_Fishing) - [Fishing Rod Dreams](#Fishing_Rod_Dreams) - [Dreams About Fishhooks](#Dreams_About_Fishhooks) - [Common fishhook dream meanings include:](#Common_fishhook_dream_meanings_include) - [Dreaming about Jellyfish](#Dreaming_about_Jellyfish) - [Typical jellyfish dream interpretations include:](#Typical_jellyfish_dream_interpretations_include) - [Starfish in Dreams](#Starfish_in_Dreams) - [Cultural Representations of Fish in Dreams](#Cultural_Representations_of_Fish_in_Dreams) - [Common cultural meanings of fish in dreams:](#Common_cultural_meanings_of_fish_in_dreams) - [Color of Fish – Dream Meaning](#Color_of_Fish_%E2%80%93_Dream_Meaning) - [Dreaming About Fish Poll](#Dreaming_About_Fish_Poll) - [Dream Interpretation Wrap Up](#Dream_Interpretation_Wrap_Up) ## Dreams About Fish Explained Having **dreams about fish**? Trying to understand what they mean and symbolize? Hoping to get straightforward answers so that you can make an [interpretation](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1965-02207-000)? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. This page is all about fish in dreams, including why they appear and what their presence may be telling you. ### **On this page, you will learn:** - The basic meaning of fish in dreams - What dreams about fish eggs mean - The relationship between fish, dreams, and fertility - What dreams about eating fish mean - What dreams about cooking a fish mean - The meaning of dead fish in dreams - Fish tank dream analysis - Why you dreamed about someone fishing - Fishing rod dreams explained - Fishhooks in dreams and their meaning - Why jellyfish appear in your dreams - What starfish signify in dreams - Cultural interpretation of fish and dreams - Fish, color and meaning ## Video about Meaning of Fish in Dreams As a counselor who works a lot around dream material, I can’t tell you how many times people (clients and students) have come to me with the question: ***Why am I dreaming of fish?*** Therefore, the goal of this page is to help you get at the answers quickly and is devoid of psycho-babble. Much of what follows draws upon the teachings of Carl Jung, the famous Swiss Psychiatrist who used material from dreams to help people with interpretation. As part of his work, [Jung](https://www.biography.com/people/carl-jung-9359134) infused elements of psycho-spiritualism; a fancy term that describes the blending of psychological concepts with spirituality. Using this approach, for example, one can better understand [what rats in dreams mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/). What’s important to recognize now is that any object (living or dead) that you see in a dream can’t be taken at face value. Instead, it is best to look at the material through the lens of symbolism. Now, let’s move on to exploring why you are seeing fish in dreams. Check it out. ![dreaming about fish](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/dream-fish.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Was a fish swimming in your dream? ## Dreaming of Swimming Fish If you are dreaming about fish swimming, it may indicate a problem or issue that your mind is processing, manifested in the form of a water-based life. On this point, you’ll want to look at not just the fish but also the water in which it was swimming. ### **Possible interpretations:** - If you saw the fish swimming in clear water, your problem is uncomplicated. - If the fish was swimming in murky water, your problem is complex. - If the fish was staring at you, it could mean you are avoiding an obvious life issue that needs immediate attention. ## Dreams About Fish Eggs Did you have a dream about fish eggs? If the answer is yes, this is a strong subconscious signal that your psyche is pushing you towards new beginnings. When you think about this, doesn’t it make sense? Eggs are symbolic of birth and life. Your brain conjured up this imagery for a reason. But why? ### **Common interpretations include:** - A desire for a new relationship or change in your love life. - A subconscious desire for children. Women and men both have these types of dreams. - Encouragement from the psyche to move forward with an idea you have been contemplating. - A symbolic push to change life course. ## Do Dreams about Fish Eggs Relate to Fertility? Many women have asked me if dreams about fish eggs somehow relate to fertility. The simple answer is nobody knows for sure however, I have plenty of women say that shortly after having this type of dream, they became pregnant. ### **Possible meanings for fish and fertility.** - Watching a fish swim may represent conception. - Seeing a white fish in the ocean may represent sperm. - Seeing a fish swimming in a cave may symbolize the vagina. - Seeing a bloated fish could represent pregnancy. ![Did you eat fish in your dreams?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/eating-a-fish.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Eating fish in dreams ## Why am I Dreaming of Eating Fish? Did you dream about eating a fish? In the psycho-spiritual sense, this could be good news. According to the ancients, whenever you dream about eating a sea-based creature, you are taking in new knowledge from mother nature. In addition, fish-eating dreams can also symbolize your victory over a problem, large or small. The critical thing to realize is that in almost all interpretations of dream material, ingesting a fish is considered a positive activity. ## Dreams About Cooking Fish In your dream, did you see yourself or someone else cooking a fish? If so, it usually is a manifestation of what has been described above. In other words, cooking, frying or baking the fish means you have solved something challenging and are ready to move on. ## Dreams About Cleaning Fish You may have dreams about cleaning a fish. Common things people see themselves doing include washing, gutting, and filleting the fish. Regardless of the activity, all typically suggest the subconscious working through of a life challenge by creating clarity. When you think about this for a moment, on an intuitive level, doesn’t it ring true? When you clean glass, you do it so that you (and others) can see better. It’s the same thing with cleaning a fish, just on a deeper, subconscious level. ![dead fish in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-symbols-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What are dead fish in dreams about? ## Dreams about Dead Fish Have you dreamed about dead fish? Did you see just one or were there many? Knowing the answer may help to create meaning. While there is no way to know for certain, many believe dreams about dead fish [symbolize death](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/), loss, and grief. Often, dead fish dreams pop up in close proximity to the passing of a loved one. ### **Common interpretations include:** - A deep disappointment or regret. - Unprocessed grief or loss. - Concerns about finances. - Worries about ending something prematurely. - The end of a romantic relationship. - Symbolic of being over your ex. - A manifestation of your anxiety about harming someone. ![Fish tank](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/fish-tank.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Fish tanks in dreams ## Fish Tank Dreams In the psychological sense, a fish tank or bowl represents the open subconscious. The fish swimming inside of the container is symbolic of your emotions; feelings, problems, hopes, and desires. The number of fish swimming in the tank speaks to critical issues that are at the forefront of your psyche. ### **Common interpretations include:** - Your mind trying to isolate an emotion. - The subconscious compartmentalizing a life event. - A detachment of yourself from others. - A desire to be with family or a group. - Your desire to hide from people in a safe, free place. - A need to “swim with others” who think like you. - Symbols for your ex-partners (boyfriends or girlfriends) - Symbolic of [someone you are crushing on](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) ## Dreams about Someone Fishing Whenever you dream about someone fishing, the ancients suggest that wisdom – in some way – is being imparted. The act of fishing itself isn’t nearly as important as *who* is doing the fishing. The fisherman (man or woman) is trying to teach you something. Again, it’s all about the person holding the fishing rod or net. ### **Typical interpretations include:** - A parent trying to share knowledge with you. - Your grandfather or grandmother attempting to gift you something. - An old man hoping to share life experiences with you. - An old woman trying to “show you the ropes”. ## Dreams about Ice Fishing If you dreamed about ice fishing, either yourself or with someone else, the dream could be about breaking through emotional or psychological barriers. Many students who are studying for exams have ice fishing dreams. Couples, contemplating divorce, also have reported similar subconscious imagery. Should you have this type of dream, it may help you to reflect on current events happening in your life. Are you trying to work through something difficult? Has the experience been emotional? Food for thought. ## Fishing Rod Dreams If you are dreaming about a [fishing rod](https://guycounseling.com/choose-fishing-rod/), it likely has something to do with knowledge. Rods, poles, and sticks in dreams almost always speak to insight and wisdom. Ask yourself: Who was holding the pole? Was it someone you know or love? If so, your mind has conjured up a familiar person to communicate a solution to a problem. Focus your awareness on this person and think about what they are trying to communicate. More often than not, this type of dream is about helping solve life issues. ![fishhooks in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/bass-fishing-tips.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Fishhooks in dreams ## Dreams About Fishhooks Many people dream of fishhooks. Sometimes the hook has one prong. Other times, it has three. Regardless of type, these dreams \[typically\] relate to addiction. ### **Common fishhook dream meanings include:** - Subconscious worries about being hooked on a person. - Anxiety about being dependent on a substance. - Food-based anxiety about gaining weight and not being able to stop eating. - Feeling “hooked into” doing something you don’t want to. ## Dreaming about Jellyfish Did you dream about a jellyfish? If so, this could be your mind’s way of introducing painful material that you are trying to avoid. While not always the case, most jellyfish are transparent. Still, even when swimming underwater, they can be seen with the naked eye. I’m mentioning this because, in the metaphorical sense, this could be what your mind is doing – presenting a problem that is still floating around that needs attention. ### **Typical jellyfish dream interpretations include:** - A past trauma that has not been fully processed. - Phobias and fears that are being ignored. - Pain from the loss of a loved one that has not been dealt with. - Hidden anger or hostility towards another that has been compartmentalized and hidden away (but still present). - Deeply held concerns about self-esteem and body image, which are manifested through the subconscious, in the form of a fish. ![starfish in your dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/starfish.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Starfish hold great spiritual meaning ## Starfish in Dreams Did you dream about a starfish? Did pick this sea creature up from the beach? According to ancient legend, starfish appear in dreams to inform the dreamer they are on the right path. They also symbolize traits of your personality and act as visual reminders of your uniqueness in life. When you see a starfish in your dreams, consider this object as a metaphor for your inner voice and spirit. ## Cultural Representations of Fish in Dreams Throughout history, mankind has spoken about the meaning of fish in a variety of ways. For example, people who believe in the traditions of horoscopic astrology recognize the fish as the [symbol for Pisces](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/). There is no way I could list all the different depictions of fish in human culture because this page would never end. Instead, I’ve tried to touch on the “biggies”. ### **Common cultural meanings of fish in dreams:** - The Greeks gave us “Delphos” which translated means dolphin and subsequently, womb. - Ancient pagans believed eating fish meant taking in wisdom. - Some Asian cultures believe seeing fish in dreams is a sign of good luck. - Sicilians have long held that dead fish in dreams is a sign of bad luck. - Some Native Indian tribes hold the belief that dreams about fish are akin to [dreams about money](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-money-decoded/). - Some South American cultures believe that seeing two fish swimming together is about a shared journey. - The ancient Romans believed seeing a baby fish was a sign of a pregnancy to come. ![Multi-color fish in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/bicolor-angelfish-916470_1280.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Fish color meaning in dreams ## Color of Fish – Dream Meaning A lot of people are curious about what the color of fish means in a dream. There’s no hard and fast rule, however, in the psychological sense, colors often hold significance. Here are some common beliefs about what fish colors and dreams: - Gold – Money, finances and wealth. - Blue – Sadness, depression, fear, and worry. - Black – Death, dying, infidelity and fear of loss. - Green – Health, wellness, wisdom, logic, and the body. - Red – Anxiety, attention, speed, and resilience. - Yellow – Friendship, relationships, and family. - Purple – Passion, romance, love, and fidelity. - Bi-Color fish represent a mixture of the above. ## Dreaming About Fish Poll \[poll id=”24″\] ## Dream Interpretation Wrap Up Dreams about fish are common. They also can be fun. Regardless of your dream’s content, it’s wise to think of the imagery you witnessed symbolically instead of literally. A terrific way to do this is by picking up a dream interpretation book. Personally, I have found *The Complete Dictionary of Dreams* by Michael Lennox to be very helpful ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2sJHwvv)). Finally, you may find keeping a dream journal useful in your quest for insight. Look for themes and reoccurring images. This can help you to put together a mental mosaic and decode what your mind may be telling you. Thanks for stopping by. References: Dream interpretation: A new approach. APA Psychnet. 1964 **Categories:** Growth, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Analysis, Dream Interpretation, Dreams, Fish --- ### [How To Approach a Woman You Don’t Know with Confidence](https://guycounseling.com/approach-women-confidence/) **Published:** September 8, 2018 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![approach women and get her number](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-meeting-woman-at-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Want her number? Here’s how to get it** Struggling with how to approach a girl and ask for her number? Hoping to break the never-ending cycle of chickening out and regretting it later? Need some guy advice that works? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. So much of what appears on the web about meeting women is mired non-sense. In many cases, the advice is needlessly complicated and massively confusing. Between the dating books and YouTube videos, it’s enough to make most guys swear the whole thing off. Know what I mean? Here’s the thing. If your goal is to approach a beautiful woman and get her phone number, you’ve got to ditch everything you’ve learned so far. It’s the only way to fully absorb what I’m going to suggest in this article so that you’ll start off with a clean slate. In fact, now is probably a good time to take a few deep breaths and clear your mind. Once you are done, let’s move about the business of [getting women interested](https://guycounseling.com/get-girl-interested/) when you walk up to them. ![confidence and dating -man reflecting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/handsome-man-attractive.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1 "how to approach a girl")Inventory things that make you confident ## 1. Remember, you are somebody. Before you do anything else, you’ve got to remember you are somebody. I’m suggesting this because if you walk up to her with your hat in hand, acting all meager like you are begging for something, you are going to fail. I’m not suggesting that you come off as arrogant or otherwise act like a raging narcist. But I am urging you to channel your [alpha male](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) and take stock of who you are. Instead of focusing on *being confident*, draw your awareness to the concrete things that *make you confident*. Examples include important life achievements or unique things that are exclusive to you. By adopting this mindset first, you empower yourself to engage in all that follows. Now part of this step means doing some confidence building in advance. Yep, it’s not all going to happen instantly. You’ve got to nail this part down first. When you have time, read this page on how to become a [more confident man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). ## 2. You’ve got nothing to lose Once you have adopted the mindset from step one, it’s time to move about the business of doing. To accomplish this, it’s important to bear the following in mind. **You’ve got nothing to lose**. When you think about it for a moment, doesn’t this make sense? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you say ‘hi” and she’s not interested? Will the sky fall? Is a hole going to open from the ground and suck you in? Are you going to shrink into nothingness? Obviously, the answer to all three is – no. The purpose behind this step is to help put a monkey wrench in that [negative tape](http://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/1995-40577-001.html) you keep playing over and over in your mind. Ditch it brother. It’s messing you up. Instead, simply remember that if she doesn’t want to talk or trade digits, it’s her loss and not yours. That may sound a bit stuck up but it’s the only way to get over the hump. So, it is like this. If the stars align, then she’ll respond. If it doesn’t happen, then it doesn’t happen. Your ultimate success in life is not contingent on the outcome of the moment. Don’t get me wrong. I hope it does work out. But if it doesn’t, move on to the next person you are attracted to. Make sense? ![couple meeting at bar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Be relaxed ## 3. Chillax and approach Yep, this is the step you’ve been waiting for. The actual part where you walk up to a stranger and begin a conversation. Notice that word I used – **conversation**. When you adopt the confident mindset of simply engaging in talk with her and not putting pressure on yourself to get her number, you’ll be lifting a big burden off your shoulders. Women are very intuitive. They can sense when you are full of crap and when you are being real. And you know what else? They can smell when you have a hidden agenda. So, before you start making steps towards her direction, help yourself out here and ask how you would want to be approached. Then, find something you both already have in common. Examples: Find out how she likes the music. Ask her if she likes the wine. Get her opinion on the event you are attending. This will require that you come off as smooth. In your mind, it helps to pretend you are talking to an acquaintance or a super casual friend. I absolutely don’t recommend you march up to her and say, “Hello, my name is \[fill in the blank\]. After all, you aren’t at a business convention, right? You get my drift. Be chillaxed and simply treat the situation like a friendly conversation. ## 4. Time it right The suggestion made here could easily be mentioned earlier but I’m listing here because it’s less important than the previously discussed steps. To have a successful outcome, the timing needs to be right. This will require you to practice a little mindfulness. [Flirting](https://guycounseling.com/flirt-with-girl-works/) is as much about what you are doing as when you are doing it. If she’s having a conversation with her girlfriends or in some way seems hurried, hold off on making your move. Wait for an opportunity to present itself (it will). But this requires you to exercise patience. Another tip here – don’t walk up to her if she’s nibbling on food. Not only will it be awkward for her, it will also distract from your ability to have a meaningful conversation. Here’s the thing on this point. You are going to have to start trusting your own sense of intuition to know when the timing is right. Yes, I’m suggesting you channel a little Zen on this one. ![couple bar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "approaching a woman ")How do you feel about her? ## 5. Ask yourself how you feel Most guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to get her phone number. That’s OK but what would it be like to approach things differently – with a mindset that allows you to feel more empowered? Assuming this is something you want, I encourage you to once again change your mindset. The reality is you don’t *really* know if you want her cell until you’ve had a chance to interact. For example, what if, after you start talking, you realize that she doesn’t vibe on a frequency you connect with? Conversely, what if it just seems like this won’t be a good match, solely based on the conversation? You’ll never arrive at the answers to these questions if you don’t ask yourself something important during the conversation. **“How do I feel?”** Yep, that’s right. You want to ask yourself how you feel in her presence. Does she make you feel comfortable? Are things flowing casually? Do you feel at ease? If the answer is yes (or mostly yes), then at some point, give her your number. A lot of guys find this successful towards the end of the conversation. It doesn’t have to be then. I’m simply suggesting it could be then. ## *“How Do I Feel”* ## 6. Don’t ask for her number This suggestion may seem counterintuitive but really, it’s the smart approach. If, after you have offered your number and she takes it, there is really no need to ask for her digits. Here’s why: Either one of two things will happen. 1) She’ll offer her number back on the spot or 2) She’ll text you a message, which will contain her contact information. The idea here is to make it all super easy on her. No need to put her on the spot by coming right out and asking. This approach also removes pressure off you. Are we solid? ## 7. Accept if things don’t work out The final tip I’ll mention is simply this. There are going to be times when it doesn’t work out. That’s just the way life is. But hey, it’s not like you two were [dating and she rejected you](https://guycounseling.com/women-refuse-date-men/). Instead, the dynamics were such that making a connection just didn’t pan out. Some women will be direct and give you a not so subtle hint to buzz off. Others may be less direct but demonstrate they aren’t interested all the same. You’ll want to read her body language and lean into that sense of intuition I discussed earlier. If she is looking elsewhere, staring off into the distance or just comes off as cold, don’t try to force things. Remember, you’ve got nothing to lose here. The essence of who you are is not dependent on how things unfold. And the truth is that sometimes, rejection can be an important teacher for the next lady you encounter. ## Bonus Tip: Keep the encounter short. Remember, you want to give her a quick sense of who you are and what you are like to be with. No need to stick around forever and a day. While I can’t give you an exact timeframe, I can say that keeping it to 15 minutes or less is probably a smooth move. All you really want to do is strike up a conversation – a dialogue that can be continued later, when it is just the two of you. Alone. Good luck with meeting women. You can do this! **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Date, Girls, Meeting Someone, Women --- ### [Is Wearing Cologne on a First Date OK?](https://guycounseling.com/cologne-first-date/) **Published:** September 22, 2018 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![men's cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cologne-bottle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## When you aren’t sure if it’s OK to wear cologne. ## HIS QUESTION *Hi, Jack,* *This may sound like a silly question but here it goes. I am wondering if it is OK to wear cologne on a first date? There’s a lot of advice on the web. What’s the scoop?* *-Just wondering* ## THE ANSWER  Hi, JW, You have asked something that a lot of guys are curious about but aren’t sure who to ask. This makes sense because it’s not like we go around talking to our buds about these kinds of things. The simple answer to your question is: *YES,* but with a major caveat. Be mindful of who you are with, where the date will take place and what kind of message you want to send. I can imagine that you, wanting to make a good impression, are hoping to put your best foot forward and come off as attractive as possible. There’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, all of us should aim for this goal. But [getting her interested in you](https://guycounseling.com/approach-women-confidence/) should be a multi-prong approach that includes confidence as a big part of the dynamic. If wearing cologne helps to bolster that confidence, it’s completely OK. However, before you go splashing on your favorite scent, it’s important to think about where this first date will take place. Let me give you some examples. Let’s say that the two of you decide to meet somewhere informal, like at a coffeehouse. Will wearing a men’s fragrance really be a smart idea? **The answer is probably not.** Picture it – you are at a [specialty café](https://guycounseling.com/specialty-coffee-824/). The aroma of freshly ground beans fills the air. Some smell rich. Others, subtle. And even a few more, bold. Do you want your cologne interfering with that experience, particularly since it could be an excellent topic for conversation? Let’s look at another scenario. Assume your first date is to take place over a meal – like at a restaurant. Is it OK to wear cologne in this kind of situation? Well, depending on the establishment and food being served, yes, it is probably OK. Obviously, you wouldn’t want to wear something that is overpowering because it might interfere with the aroma of the food – particularly when sitting in close proximity. But if it is something subtle, [like an aftershave](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/), you are going to be just fine. A final “first date” scenario I’ll give you is the outdoors. Examples include meeting at a public park, a street fair or a festival. Is it cool to wear cologne in situations like these? The quick answer is – yep, it sure is. Just make sure you don’t overdo it and spray too much on. Speaking only for myself, I am a big fan of colognes that give off a woody scent, like Paco Rabanne [1-Million](https://guycounseling.com/paco-rabanne-1-million-review/). Not only does a little bit go a long way, the scent itself is woody without being too bold. As a side note, give some thought to the type of message you want to send. While there is no hard and fast rule to men’s fragrances, a general guideline is this: If you want to vibe out laid back, go for a citrus scent. On the other hand, if your goal is to come off as dominant but mysterious, aim for woody. Now all of what I am saying is predicated on *who* you are going on a date with. Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who don’t like the smell of fragrances and are very sensitive to certain smells. There’s really no way of knowing for sure if she doesn’t like cologne. You may need to lean into your sense of intuition. This is why I am suggesting that *if* you decide to spray something on, be extra conservative about it and don’t go overboard. See this page on [how to wear men’s colognes the right way](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) to learn more. Finally, I’ll leave you with this JW. What would it be like if you skipped the whole men’s fragrance thing entirely and instead, opted for a body wash that has a manly scent? I’m mentioning this because a lot of products on the market today are designed to do just what I am talking about. That is to help you smell good but without overpowering. I’ll include a line here to [the best smelling men’s body washes](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) so that you can look the page over for some ideas. The benefit to using this approach is simple – you’ll get to know her likes and dislikes on the first date without having to find out the hard way. Moreover, if things do go from zero to sixty on that first encounter (it happens) then you’ll still smell good because of the body wash. Make sense? Well, good luck to you and here’s to having an awesome first date. Who knows, she could be “the one”.  If others want to chime in with thoughts, please do. — *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Body Wash, Cologne, Dating, Fragrance --- ### [Meeting Your Girlfriend’s Parents Do’s and Don’ts](https://guycounseling.com/meeting-girlfriends-parents/) **Published:** September 22, 2018 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![meeting parents over coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/meeting-girlfriends-parents-coffee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Meeting your girlfriend’s parents? Here’s some tips! *“His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti He’s nervous, but on the surface, he looks calm and ready”* Wait a minute, you’re not about to rip the mic at a freestyle competition. You’re about to meet your significant others’ significant others. It’s time to meet the parents. *What are they going to think of me?* *What am I going to say?* *Should I hug or shake hands?* Meeting the parents of your loved one can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences of your lifetime. You’ve fallen in love with someone and you guys have decided to test out the waters with your parents, but there’s no getting around the awkwardness of this particular moment. You might have seen all the disastrous scenarios of how things can go wrong in Ben Stiller’s hilarious comedy [*Meet the Parents* ](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212338/)(2000). Don’t make the same mistakes. Here are the *do’s* and *don’ts* of meeting the parents. ## The Do’s Try to break the ice before you break the ice. One of things that makes meeting your lover’s parental unit so damn weird is that it’s a formal first introduction. It helps if you break the ice beforehand by simply showing your face or speaking to them briefly in a casual setting. You can give a wave out of the car window when you arrive for a date or arrange for a chance meeting at a local coffee shop. Just a quick smile and hello can go a long way. By the time you make it to the formal dinner, they’ve already gotten used to the idea of seeing you around. **Related:** [Should I take my cheating girlfriend back?](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/) Think of this as a job interview and make yourself presentable. Consult your partner on this one because they know their parents better than you do. Their parents might prefer a more casual look, or perhaps they’re really impressed by a swanky suit and tie. How you dress says a lot about you. Get it right and you could impress the parents without having to say a word. Put your hygiene under the microscope, as well. [Trim your nails, your facial hair](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/), and wear clean clothing. Have something insightful and interesting to say when you meet the parents. Do some research beforehand and get a brief overview of the current events. You should be able to carry on an intelligent conversation and display your ability to speak eloquently on world affairs. Ask open-ended questions about their opinions. Give them quick and concise answers about yours. This is a defensive tactic that takes the heat off. Get one of them talking and you’ll be able to cruise through the evening by just nodding your head and saying *um-hm.* Respect house rules. Sometimes, meeting the parents can involve an overnight visit. You might be tempted to enact some late-night shenanigans with your partner, but you must resist the temptation to break Mom and Dad’s house rules. This might mean that you need to sleep in separate bedrooms, refrain from smoking or wear conservative PJs when moving about the house. You might have aced the formal dinner, but you can lose every point you gained by treading through the kitchen in your loose-fitting superman boxer shorts. Get your story straight. Sometimes, people give their parents a glossy version about how they met their new flame. You and your partner need to get on the same page about the details of your relationship. If the official story is that you met at a church breakfast, then your version of events had better coincide with the details that were already given. Work out a timeline so that your relationship story matches your partner’s tit-for-tat. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/JaS7ZfYp1CCli/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## The Don’ts Don’t show up empty-handed. Even if your significant other tells you that it’s okay and you don’t have to bring anything, you’d better bring a gift. Don’t spend a lot of money on the gift because you don’t want to seem like you’re trying to buy their acceptance. You want to choose a thoughtful gift, something that carries a meaning. For example, Dad might be a big baseball fan. Don’t bring him season tickets. Bring him a present that highlights his favorite player or team. It shows that you’ve done your research and you’ve made a personal connection with him. Try not to engage in controversial subjects such as politics, religion or sex. This will take a considerable level of skill because parents seem to always want to talk about those particular subjects. That’s partly because they want to see how you handle the pressure. Also, they’re trying to gauge how you stand on the big topics that might affect a deeper commitment down the road. If you wind up talking about any of these contentious issues, then keep your answers brief and general. Your stance is your stance, but you should always at least appear to be empathetic toward their world views. Don’t get into any heated debates. **Related:** [My girlfriend won’t initiate](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/) Keep away from the P.D.A. There should be no public displays of affection when meeting the parents. Your intimate encounters are already the elephant in the room, so don’t make it obvious by going overboard on the affection. The parents already know that you two kids are crazy about each other, so public displays of affection aren’t required. This isn’t like meeting the best friends or co-workers of your significant other. There’s no need to validate. So, keep your hands to yourself and you’ll score big points. Don’t fake it. The parents of your significant other don’t expect you to be perfect. So, there’s no need to lie or appear to be someone that you’re not. You have to be genuine at all costs. Telling little white lies about your life might work in the short game, but in the long run this will come back to haunt you. Don’t try to be too polite or overly-nice because these behaviors might not work as well as you think. Parents are very perceptive, and they’ve been right where you are. Come off fake with a bunch of trumped up attributes and you’ll ruin the chance to genuinely impress them with your real qualities. Don’t tell jokes. You might think that a little humor will ease the tension and keep things running smoothly, but you’re wrong. The problem is that humor is subjective. What’s funny for one person might be offensive for the next person. Telling one bad joke could lead to a heated blow up that you’ll be powerless to diffuse. It’s also one of those things that nobody ever forgets. Save the jokes for when you’re better acquainted with their ideas, opinions, and beliefs. The best thing you can do is allow the humor to flow naturally. So, don’t tell pre-canned jokes. ## Wrap up You are going survive this and probably enjoy the experience. After all, meeting your girlfriend’s parents will help to fill in the background of the person you are spending time with. The trick here is to just be yourself. That’s not too difficult, right? 🙂 **Related Posts:** [Is it OK to wear cologne on a first date?](https://guycounseling.com/cologne-first-date/) **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, manners, parents, Protocol --- ### [What to Do If She Dumps You and Then Wants You Back](https://guycounseling.com/breakup-reconcile-advice/) **Published:** September 24, 2018 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![couple breakup dump](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/breakup-dumps-you.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **She dumps you and now wants to get back together** She’s gone forever…no wait, she’s back again. Your girlfriend [dumped you](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407586033003), but now she wants you back. Is it time for a victory lap or should you tell her to get lost? It doesn’t matter who you are, rejection is never easy. Getting dumped always hurts whether you care to admit it or not. Some people internalize the pain and start clocking loads of overtime at the office or spending ridiculous amounts of time in the gym. Other people stop taking showers and start watching endless episodes of Netflix murder mysteries, so much so that Netflix asks – “are you alright?” Then, something unexpected happens. You get a call and your ex-girlfriend wants you back. Before you get too excited take a moment to think this through. This girl rejected you. You’ve burned all her pictures. She humiliated you. You’ve been bad-mouthing her to your family and friends. Do you really think you should take her back? **Decisions. Decisions.** We tend to make two types of decisions – ones based on emotion and ones based on logic. Our brains are hardwired that way. You see, the right half of our brain is intuitive, subjective and emotional. The left half of our brain is concrete, analytical, and logical. The last thing you want to do is make an emotional decision. Don’t rely on your feelings. **Related:** [Should I take back my cheating girlfriend?](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/) It helps to think of your emotional decisions like painting with watercolors. You put some blue splotches on the canvas and then you put some yellow splotches. You splash on some green and when they all blend together none of the colors are very distinct anymore. Even the picture is distorted because everything just meshes together. It’s very abstract. Logical decision-making is like painting by number. The blue goes in all the number 1 slots. The yellow goes in the number 2 slots. The green goes in the number 3 slots. The overall picture makes itself apparent in a very concrete way over time. That’s the type of thinking that will best serve you when you’re trying to decide whether or not you’re going to take your ex-girlfriend back. You want to look at the *facts* in an objective way and ignore the *feeling* you get from the amazing make-up sex that’s coming your way. ## **Find Out the Motives** - Before you decide on whether she’s coming back into your life or not, you need to find out why she left you in the first place. Was she unhappy with some aspect of your personality? That’s important because your personality traits and lifestyle choices are not likely to change all that much. William James, the Harvard psychologist who fathered the concept of fixed personality traits wrote in his 1890 text *The Principles of Psychology*– “In most of us, by the age of thirty, the character has set like plaster, and will never soften again.” In other words, you’re not likely to change the fundamental aspects of who you are no matter what. For example, if she hated the way you obsess about saving money, then she’s eventually going to wind up right back in the same place again. You’re conservative and pragmatic and nothing is going to change that. Haven’t you noticed that when you have fights with your significant other, you just rehash the same arguments over and over again? That’s because you’re fighting about core personality traits that don’t go away. You’re going to be in an *on-again/off-again* relationship that only prolongs the pain of your eventual separation. She needs to accept who you are fundamentally for the relationship to truly work. If she was fed up with some core aspect of your personality, then it’s better to stay single. Look for someone who is more closely aligned with your values and ideals. - Did she leave because there was some other guy in the picture, an ex-boyfriend or a new fling? You see, most women simply don’t want to be alone. I like to relate it to a child swinging on the monkey bars at the local playground. A child holds on to one bar with their left hand…swings…and then reaches for the next bar with their right hand. They don’t let go of one bar until they’ve got a firm grasp on the next. Men do the same, too. Women just do it best. Women don’t often break-up with a guy to strike out on their own because being with someone feels good. You know how the saying goes – “the best way to get *over* a person is to get *under* the next.” There’s some science to back that up. Being in a romantic relationship with someone releases dopamine in the brain. That’s the feel-good neuro-chemical that gives us a rush of excitement, happiness and joy. Women who rush into another lover’s arms are searching for that neurochemical high. They swing on the monkey bars (so to speak). Bottom line, you need to find out if she was with someone else. Dig deep here, fellas. She might not want to tell you right away, but this is the single most important piece of information you need in order to make the best decision about taking her back. Is she coming back to you because that momentary fling didn’t pan out? If she left you for someone else, then you should not take her back. Chances are high that she is only coming back to you for the stability that your relationship provides after the high of her romantic affair has worn off. That’s not fair to you. You better tell her to keep it moving. - Did she break up with you because she needed space to figure things out? Sometimes, seeing someone too much can distort how you relate to them. You take them for granted and forget the reasons why you liked them so much in the first place. She might be drowning in the minor annoyances of your relationship and forgetting the real reasons why she loves you so much. You know the old saying – “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This can be a healthy type of separation that allows you both the opportunity to refocus on the important issues of life outside of your relationship. This could mean that she gets a change to spend more time with her friends or participate in hobbies and sports. This is the only fixable type of breakup. When you’re not around, the vacuum left by your absence becomes glaringly obvious. She forgot that you open the mayonnaise jar for her without her having to ask. She forgot that you take her dog walking in the evenings when she’s too tired. She forgot that you bring her pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks every Saturday. If any of it meant anything to her, then she’ll want to re-establish that connection. **Related:** [How do guys breakup? ](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) In this case, you should hear her out and try to learn what revelations she came up with while spending some time apart from you. If you take her back this time, she might appreciate you even more. So, if she needed some space to sort out her own feelings and she’s decided that you are essential to her life, then you should take her back and give your relationship another try. ## **Set Some Boundaries** Last thing, if you decide to take her back after she’s dumped you, then you need to set some boundaries going forward. This is actually a really important time for you to gain some leverage in the relationship. It’s a reset moment where you have the power to implement new limitations and expectations. Don’t ask for dumb stuff like more blow jobs or more time to play video games. Think about the reasons why you guys broke up. If you felt threatened by her male friends or the amount of time she spent on social media, then ask her to change her behavior. You should also allow her to put forth some new expectations, as well. Anything within reason should be considered because you don’t want a repeat of the breakup. **Related:** [How to handle when she flirts with other guys](https://guycounseling.com/women-flirts-other-men-12261/) The endless cycle of break-ups and make-ups will make you look and feel like a complete tool. So, hit the reset button on the relationship and get it right this time. ## **The Takeaway** You should never see your break-up as a done deal. Always leave the window open, but leave it open under your own terms, not hers. Don’t let anyone come in and out of your life however they see fit. If your ex-girlfriend doesn’t like some aspect of your core personality, then that’s going to cause problems again and again. Just stay away. If she’s chasing the high of the honeymoon phase by flirting and sleeping around, then tell her to take a hike. If she’s been taking some time to think things over and she’s decided that she can’t live without you, then bring that filly back into the stable. Set new boundaries and expectations if necessary, hold on tight to the reigns and enjoy the ride…again. **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Break Up, Breakup, Divorce, Love, Split --- ### [If She Insists on a Condom, Is That a Sign of Cheating?](https://guycounseling.com/condom-cheating/) **Published:** October 3, 2018 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![condom cheating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## You are both exclusive, but she still wants you to wear a condom *Jack offers answers to tough questions men want to know about love, romance, and relationships.* ## His Question *Hi, Jack,* *I’ve been dating this girl for about a year now and the both of us have agreed to be exclusive. The problem is anytime we become intimate, she insists that I wear a condom.* *Maybe it is just me, but it feels weird. I don’t have any STD’s and I’m not looking to get her pregnant. The truth is I hate condoms because I’m a lot larger than average.* *There is a part of me that thinks her wanting me to wear a rubber is a sign of cheating. Should I be worried?* *-Unsure* ## The Answer Hi, Unsure, You’ve got an interesting dilemma and I have a feeling a lot of guys reading your note can relate in some way. According to most of the published research, men ([particularly younger guys](https://nypost.com/2016/11/02/millennials-arent-wearing-condoms-anymore/)) don’t like wearing condoms. Given that the two of you have been together for a year, I can imagine that it probably does feel odd to reach for latex given everything. That said, there are a number of reasons that she may be asking you to roll one on that has nothing to do with cheating. Id’ like to encourage you to step outside of yourself and consider follows. Man, I’d hate to see your relationship collapse over this issue, so indulge me, ok? First, it is entirely possible that she wants you to wear a condom because she’s fearful of pregnancy. While I understand you wouldn’t release in her without permission, accidents can and do happen. Even the most careful of couples can bump into problems. The hard truth is (no pun intended) that ejaculate can escape from your manhood without your knowing. Specifically, I’m talking and pre-ejaculate. While rare, women have reported becoming pregnant from this [manly fluid](http://americanpregnancy.org/getting-pregnant/can-you-get-pregnant-with-precum/). Not to get into your business but if you are a dude with a lot of pre-ejaculate, she may have noticed this and became concerned. No offense, but your size probably has nothing to do with it. And here is the thing – no matter how much you try, you can’t control this fluid from escaping your d—-k. Yes, I know a lot of guys take pride in bragging they can “hold their own” but that is a bunch of nonsense. All of us “leak” and it is a normal part of being a man. **Related:** [My girlfriend won’t initiate. ](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/) Another possibility for her wanting you to use a rubber relates to concerns about STD’s. You didn’t mention this in your email, so I am just going to ask. *Have you talked about STI’s?* In other words, have you ever had something and if so, did you disclose? Conversely, what about her? One of the most difficult conversations a couple can have is about STD histories. Let’s face it – these aren’t exactly dinner topics. Still, they are important to discuss for personal health reasons. If you haven’t had this discussion, maybe it’s you do? I know a lot of women – and men – who insist on the use of rubbers until the “STD talk” occurs. Who knows, she may very well be OK with you not wearing latex after discussing. But you’ll never know until you ask, right? On the wider front, it is possible that there is a trust issue happening. You may be wondering what I’m talking about. Well, it’s like this – could it be that she is worried about you cheating? I know many women who, even in a committed relationship, require their man to slip on latex. There are two main reasons for this. 1) They have been cheated on before and; 2) They hold suspicions of infidelity about their boyfriend. Obviously, I don’t know your situation or the special dynamics of your relationship. But if she has voiced her concerns about cheating in the past, this could be a clue about the whole rubber thing. All of this leads us to my over-arching point here. **You both need to have an honest conversation about intercourse**. While you didn’t say it, my sense is this is a conversation the both of you are avoiding. There could be lots of reasons as to why, including concerns about trust and being vulnerable. But it is far better to dialogue about this now instead of down the road. In my experience, trust issues have a way of metastasizing over the course of time. If left unchecked, they tend to grow until eventually, they consume the relationship. It is at this point many romances end. Finally, I’ll say this. Yes, it is possible that [she is cheating](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/) on you. But honestly, you really can’t look at this condom thing make assumptions. Most guys can intuit infidelity based on a variety of behaviors, ya know? If you really think she’s getting it on with another guy, why not have an open and transparent conversation about your concerns? Look, I’m not saying this will be easy. There is the possibility that she will share something you won’t want to hear. On the flipside, you may have to fess up to something you thought was a secret. But don’t you think it’s best to get it all out there now? — Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at [askus@guycounseling.com](askus@guycounseling.com) **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Cheating, Condom, Infidelity --- ### [I’m Ashamed of My Equipment Size and It’s Ruining My Love Life](https://guycounseling.com/ashamed-size-equipment/) **Published:** December 6, 2018 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![ashamed of size](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/manhood.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## When you are embarrassed about your equipment size ## HIS QUESTION *Dear Jack,* *It’s taken me a long time to write this note because it’s so embarrassing. Perhaps the best way to do this is to just come right out with it.* *I’m ashamed of manhood. It’s not ugly or anything. But I do think it is a lot smaller than most guys. Over the years, I’ve become more and more conscious about it. Now, at 25, it’s gotten to the point now that it’s ruining my love life.* *When it comes time to do something intimate with a woman, I end up chickening out because I’m afraid that “it” won’t be enough.* *For what it is worth, I think it’s around five inches, give or take.* *Any guidance here?* *-Feeling small* ## THE ANSWER Hi, FS, First, I want to applaud you for taking the time to write about a topic that is not often discussed and widely misunderstood. Please know that you aren’t alone on this journey and there are lots of other men who also struggle with this issue. That said, this must be difficult for you. On the one hand, there is a part of you who yearns for intimacy and really wants to be (in the biblical sense) with a woman. On the other hand, there exists a mental barrier that is walling off any possibilities. And let’s be real – this isn’t an issue you casually bring up with your buds over a beer. You probably already know this but I’m going to say it anyway. The size you disclosed, at least according to the research, isn’t “small”. In fact, if you head on over to [Science](https://goo.gl/trcrvE), you’ll find that the average man is just over 5-inches when fully erect. In other words, if what you have measured is correct, your manhood is right about where most guys are. But as I said, I’m thinking you already know this because most men concerned about size do a lot of research on this. While you never mentioned this in your note, I’m wondering if you had a bad experience – in the past – where you were made to feel shame around your size? Obviously, this is something you’ll have to think about to find the root cause. For example, did a girl say something that caused you to feel embarrassed? When you were younger, perhaps even in school, were comments made in the locker room? On that last point, I’m reminded of a guy (let’s call him Billy) that I used to go to high school with. We were both in our freshman year and attended many of the same classes. One of those courses happened to be physical education (P.E.). Long story short, part of P.E. was learning how to swim. I don’t remember the exact number, but I think there were twenty of us in that class. Anyway, at the end of pool time, all of us were required to take a shower. I don’t know if that was because of state law or what but I can tell you it wasn’t optional. At any rate, Billy really got bullied by other guys. The reason? Some of the other swimmers who were more developed (read between the lines) gave him the nickname of “smalls”. I can still remember girls giggling in the hallways as they passed him by, saying things like “Hey Smalls – what’s up?” Sounds cruel, doesn’t it? Billy would go on to graduate high school and eventually joined the U.S. Navy I haven’t talked to him in years, with the exception of the occasional interaction on social media. But I can’t help but think that dude wasn’t traumatized, at least in some way, by the nickname. **Related:** [Being confident when meeting a stranger](https://guycounseling.com/approach-women-confidence/) Trauma can visit us in other forms, particularly when it comes to genitalia. So, if what I mentioned above doesn’t resonate, you may want to search your memories to identify what might. Believe it or not, parents and siblings can also inflict psychological damage in ways that directly relate to the topic at hand. I’m not going to go into all of the different possibilities because if I did, this reply would never end. But I do encourage you to think about this more and consider talking to a helping professional, like a therapist, about what you have shared. There is an excellent article on this topic over at [Mental Help](https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/male-self-concept-and-small-penis-syndrome/). I highly recommend. Finally, I want to touch upon another issue you didn’t directly mention but instead, hinted at. Specifically, I’m talking about the game of comparisons. If you look at what you wrote, you said, “I think it’s a lot smaller than most guys.”. My question to you is *how* do you know this? Is it because of what you’ve read somewhere else (which is probably inaccurate) or are you comparing yourself to imagery? If the latter is the case, I’m here to tell you that what you see isn’t necessarily “accurate”. That’s because digital images are often altered to make equipment look larger than it really is. And for what it’s worth, the same holds true for digital images of women. In other words, what you see may be purposely exaggerated, thanks to clever camera positioning and airbrushing. I guess what you are hearing me say JS is simply this – avoid playing the game of comparisons. Not only is it toxic for your mental health, it’s unfair (meaning to yourself). Here’s the real deal bud. Most of us are right where that Science article mentioned above suggests. Moreover, and I know this sounds cliché, it’s not about size but instead, what you do with it. And I’m not just saying that. You can check out some research on this topic for yourself in this [U.S. News and World Report](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2015/07/22/women-dont-care-about-penis-length-or-shape) article. Finally, I’ll leave you with this. Sometimes, the root cause of a man’s anxiety in the intimacy department relates to confidence. Here, I am talking about feeling strong enough inside to please a partner and ultimately, satisfy them. In the absence of that confidence, it’s not all that unusual to get caught up in distortions – meaning false narratives about ourselves that can negatively influence self-perception. Should this ring true, there is a book I’d like to recommend called *The Dating Playbook for Men* ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Svr35X)). Inside, you’ll find a focus on male psychology, dating, and the importance of confidence building. JS, all of us carry personal demons but that doesn’t make us broken people. But I do think the concept of yourself may be limiting your happiness – and full potential. That’s why I want to encourage you again to think about working with a professional to explore some of what may be going on. Be sure to write back and let us know how things are going. Thank you – seriously – for being brave enough to reach out. — Think you could use some dating tips? Email Ask Jack at <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** fear, intimacy, Shame --- ### [Can Hypnosis to Forget Someone After Breaking Up Work?](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-forget-someone/) **Published:** January 1, 2019 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![hypnosis forget someone](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/hypnosis-forget-someone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Does hypnosis to get over your ex work? ## HIS QUESTION *Dear Jack,* *Recently, I broke up with a person I dated for a year and am having a hard time getting over the relationship. I am wondering if you think I can use hypnosis to forget someone?* *Yes, I know this probably sounds like a stupid question but I’m asking because I heard from a friend that it works. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.* *-Broken Hearted* ## THE ANSWER Hi, BH, I’m glad you wrote because this is a question that people want to know about more than some might think. And to keep it real, a few years ago, I went through a breakup and turned to hypnosis as a way of working through. Further down, I’ll talk about my experience. But before we get too far in, I want to speak to your pain. While I can’t be sure, I’m thinking you are feeling pretty low right now. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have written “[Ask Jack](https://guycounseling.com/category/relationshops/dating/)” for guidance. The dirty little secret is that [when guys break](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) up, we do it in ways that aren’t always helpful. Here, I’m talking about things like pretending the relationship didn’t exist or drowning our sorrows in booze. Obviously, this isn’t true of all men but for a lot of us – it is. Which makes me wonder how you have been coping since your relationship ended? For example, are you reaching out to people for support or are you bottling it up inside? If you are like a lot of guys I know, it’s the later. This means not talking about your ex with anyone, including your feelings. Should this describe you, know that I completely understand. Let’s face it, most of us aren’t inculcated to talk about our emotions. Chalk it up to toxic masculinity or hypermasculinity I suppose. Which brings us to the heart of your question. **Can hypnosis help you forget someone?** I’m going to answer this in two parts. The first is based on my experience with the use of hypnosis after a breakup. The second part comes from a discussion I had with a hypnotherapist after receiving your note. In my case, I sought out the services of a hypnotist after a super bad break up with a girl around ten years ago. I’m purposely saying “super bad” because when things fell apart, she ended up ghosting me. In case you don’t know, being ghosted means the person disappears from your life. This means no phone calls, no emails, and no social media. Talk about extreme use of the [no contact rule!](https://guycounseling.com/no-contact-breakup/) At any rate, I was kind of shattered. Sure, I could function and get through the day but there was always this terrible sense of loneliness in my gut. Whenever I would hear certain songs, see certain television shows or even smell specific foods, like a pizza, I would think of her. Can you say crazy? Because that is how I felt. The bottom line is that it didn’t take much to trigger memories of her and “us” if that makes sense. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Qh6aPCssL8J8I/giphy.gif?ssl=1) And I’m not even going to tell you how difficult it was for me to get with other women in the biblical sense. Yep, I tried to medicate my feelings through hookups. All I can say is that it didn’t work. Half the time, I felt disconnected. The other half, I felt guilty. At some point, things got so bad that I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I became obsessed. That’s when I turned to hypnosis with the hope of healing. The first person I went to was complete B.S. It was some unlicensed guy who wanted to charge me $325.00 per session and said I needed three of them to be “cured” of my sadness. I don’t know about you but coughing up almost $1000.00 isn’t easy. In the end, I told him no. But the second person I found was a licensed mental health professional who had board certification in hypnotherapy. After we talked on the phone, he told me that he thought I needed counseling more than anything else. But he also said that when combined with therapy, hypnosis might help. At the time, I hadn’t really thought about it but it kind of made sense. Nobody can get instantly make another get over someone, you know? And so, I ended up making an appointment. My insurance paid for it. Long story short, I found myself in therapy for several weeks. During some of those sessions, the psychologist I saw did use hypnotherapy. But the thing is, that was only a small part of our work together. Much of our time was focused on my feelings in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. Additionally, we also talked about “unprocessed grief”. In terms of the actual hypnosis, the psychologist basically engaged in something called [guided meditation](https://www.guidedmind.com/how-it-works) with me. During the entire process, I was completely aware of what was going on. It’s not like you see in the movies where a dude swings a watch. But the **real healing** happened because I opened up and let out all of the pain. Psychologists call that catharsis. By the time therapy was over, I felt a lot better. But it didn’t happen overnight. The hard truth is it took time and lots of work to get through the pain. Part of this meant doing homework assignments and listening to the hypnotic \[affirmation\] recordings he gave me. OK, now it’s time to move on to my discussion with the professional I mentioned earlier. I spoke to [Dr. Greg Harms](https://goo.gl/YgGtCX), a licensed psychologist in Chicago, Illinois and a certified hypnotherapist. For the record, he was not my therapist. Here is what he told me when I asked him straight out, “Can hypnosis help you forget someone like an ex?” “Hypnotherapy alone isn’t going to fix a broken heart. I wish it could – truly. But when it is combined with counseling, it can be beneficial,” said Harms. He went on to share, “As a tool for coping, [hypnosis is great for anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) and for promoting self-care activities. But there’s no such thing as a quick solution.” So, there you have it BH. The perspective of someone who personally went through hypnosis to try and forget someone plus the thoughts of an actual hypnotherapist. My friend, there’s no doubt about it. **Breaking up is hard to do**. If you really want to move past the relationship with your ex because you are feeling stuck, I highly recommend working with a professional. You might also want to pick up a guy focused book. For example, consider getting a copy of, *[The Break Up Manual for Men](https://amzn.to/2Rtk8xh)* by Andrew Ferebee. It’s an awesome read and really encourages the healing process. I hope what I’ve shared in this reply was helpful to you. Sorry you are going through this right now. In time, things will get better. But must do the work to make that happen. Be sure to come back and update us on your status. — Think you could use some dating tips? Email Ask Jack at <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Ask Jack, Relationships **Tags:** Break Up, Broken Heart, Girlfriend --- ### [Should I Put On Cologne Before Sex?](https://guycounseling.com/cologne-intimacy-idea/) **Published:** January 22, 2019 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![man cologne](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-cologne.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## When you are thinking of spraying on cologne before intimacy ## HIS QUESTION *Dear Jack,* *I’ve got a question that might strike you as odd. Do you think it is OK to put on cologne before sex? It’s not that I smell or have bad BO. I’m just wondering if it might help turn on my girlfriend more?* *What do you think?* -Scented Curiosity ## THE ANSWER Hi, SC, First, I’ll start out by saying thanks for this question. What you have asked isn’t all that unusual, let alone odd. When you think about it, there is an entire industry geared towards men and body scent. In fact, it’s a multi-billion dollar endeavor. Have you ever thumbed through a men’s magazine and saw a [cologne advertisement](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/)? If so, there is a good chance you spotted a dapper dude next to a fragrance bottle. Somewhere in the picture, you probably also saw a beautiful girl nearby. The hard truth is the promise of sex is often used as a convincer to encourage guys into making a cologne purchase. And it’s not just colognes. Aftershaves, body sprays, and deodorants also do the same thing. Can you say Old Spice? With all of that said, let’s move on to the heart of your question. *Should I put on cologne before sex?* I’ll level with you – the answer is more complicated than you think. That’s because not everyone likes artificial odors. Moreover, some fragrances can interfere with your own body scent, which is broadcast through [pheromones](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3987372/). In your note, you mentioned that you were thinking of putting some on to help encourage your girlfriend’s libido. There’s nothing wrong with this however, I’ve got to ask if you think it will really help? I’m not saying this to be rude – I promise. Instead, it’s all about trying to understand where you are coming from. The message you wrote said, “*I’m just wondering if it might help turn on my girlfriend **more**?* While I can’t be sure, it sounds like she already likes you and that intimacy (in the biblical sense) is already taking place. Yes, I am taking a bit of license here and making assumptions. If I’m wrong, let me apologize right now. But if I am right, I’m here to tell you that cologne alone isn’t going to create the proverbial fireworks. **Related:** [How to make cologne last longer](https://guycounseling.com/cologne-last-longer-hacks/) Instead, the carnal reaction you desire is a function of attraction. This is informed by a number of things, including what your girlfriend likes in a guy, mutual chemistry, and confidence. And I’m here to tell you that confidence is much more seductive than any scent you might vibe out. So, I’ll come right out and ask you: *Do you feel confident in the bedroom?* If you don’t, is your girlfriend picking up on this? Women tend to be super intuitive. If they sense that you aren’t sure of yourself, it’s going to become known in one way or another. SC, I could have answered this question with the typical response so many blogs offer, such as “don’t put on too much” or “go for a woody scent”. But my sense is that something deeper is happening with you that relates to sexual intensity and attraction. If my hunch is right, it might be more helpful to flip open a book on confidence-building instead of reaching for Gucci. A good one to consider is *[The Dating Playbook for Men](https://amzn.to/2AS1HZJ)*. I recognize that I may not have directly answered your question. That said, I’m hoping my response has given you new insight. Thanks for stopping by. *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Cologne, Fragrance, intimacy --- ### [How To Talk To a Girl And Get Her Attracted To You](https://guycounseling.com/how-talk-girl-attracted/) **Published:** April 27, 2019 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![how to talk to a girl and get her attracted](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/how-to-talk-to-a-girl.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How to talk to a girl made simple Table of Contents Toggle - [How To Talk To A Girl The Right Way](#How_To_Talk_To_A_Girl_The_Right_Way) - [Why I’m writing how to talk to girls](#Why_Im_writing_how_to_talk_to_girls) - [Don’t overthink a first encounter with a girl you like](#Dont_overthink_a_first_encounter_with_a_girl_you_like) - [Get noticed before you say a word](#Get_noticed_before_you_say_a_word) - [Comment about something that she is doing and/ or saying](#Comment_about_something_that_she_is_doing_and_or_saying) - [Facilitate her wants and needs in the moment](#Facilitate_her_wants_and_needs_in_the_moment) - [Don’t ask for her phone number. Set up a date instead.](#Dont_ask_for_her_phone_number_Set_up_a_date_instead) - [Talking to girls still got you tongue-tied?](#Talking_to_girls_still_got_you_tongue-tied) - [Well, here are some confidence-building tips:](#Well_here_are_some_confidence-building_tips) - [Talk to a girl – the takeaway](#Talk_to_a_girl_%E2%80%93_the_takeaway) ## How To Talk To A Girl The Right Way Have you been trying to talk to a girl? Some people are just naturals at making conversation with women, but most guys get a little nervous. There are so many automatic thoughts that run through your mind. **She’s probably got a boyfriend. What am I going to say? Why did I wear this stupid shirt today?** By the time you’re done psyching yourself out of talking to that pretty girl across the room, she’s already packed up her laptop and headed for the door. Making conversation seems to be a lost art. You might be thinking that talking to girls in the real world is just outdated. Now you can rely on social dating apps like *Ok, Cupid*, *Zoosk* and *Tinder* to find a cute girl to date. Lots of people are these days, right? ## Why I’m writing how to talk to girls Well, according to Statistic Brain’s 2018 [online dating report](https://www.statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics/), 49 million people have tried online dating at least once in their lifetime. That might sound like one in the win column for online dating, but there’s more to unwrap in this report. It goes on to say that only 20 percent of current committed relationships started online and just 17 percent of people who met on a dating app got married. I don’t know about you, but I like higher margins than that. In reality, there’s no substitute for making an actual connection with someone face-to-face. But how do you do that, if you’re shy or you’re [afraid of rejection](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/)? I’m well-versed on dating and I’m confident I can improve your chances by giving you tips from my own romance playbook. Getting a date or jumping in the sack with a hot girl is more of an indirect result. It comes almost automatically when you adjust your goals and your approach. ## Don’t overthink a first encounter with a girl you like The most important thing you can do to meet a girl you like is to get out of your own headspace. Don’t try to predict what she might say or do beforehand. It’s just not helpful. Don’t rely on pre-packaged hook-up lines or any cheesy gimmicks either. You’d be surprised how many times girls have heard the same old phrases. Using them robs you of the most important thing you’ll need – authenticity. ![Get noticed by the girl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/crush-black-man-white-woman-stare-looking-friends.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Does she notice you? ## Get noticed before you say a word Women are extremely observant, and they can tell a great deal about you from non-verbal cues. If you just pop up behind a girl and say hello, she might become defensive. However, if you pass by her, make eye contact and give her a subtle smile, then she’s got time to evaluate you. Place yourself in her space and let her know that you’re not a creep. The message you want to convey is that you’re perfectly comfortable being near her, but you’re not in a rush to hump her leg. ## Comment about something that she is doing and/ or saying One of the biggest mistakes that guys make in their first encounters with a girl is to comment on her physical appearance. You shouldn’t compliment a girl on her looks during the first conversation at all. So, don’t say – “Your eyes are so (fill in the blank).” Or “You have really nice (fill in the blank).” Commenting on a woman’s physical appearance as an opener could give off the impression that you’re purely interested in her sexually or that you are the type of guy who prowls around looking for sex. It’s much more effective to comment or ask a question in relation to something that she’s doing or something that she is saying. You might have success by saying things like – “I couldn’t help but notice you take a lot of sugar in your coffee. I thought I was the only one.” Or “I overheard you mention to your friend that you like watching anime. What’s your favorite show?” This shows that your interest in her goes beyond the physical. ## Facilitate her wants and needs in the moment That hot girl that you’ve been eyeing came out of the house for a reason. Before you make some off-topic comment about the weather, try to figure out what her purpose was for coming to this place. Your goal is not to get her to like you. Your goal is to help facilitate her enjoyment of the moment. The rest will follow. For example, if you’re in a night club and the music is bumping and everybody is jamming, but you notice that she’s just standing there looking pissed, then you can point that out to her. Try saying something like, “Dancing and having fun is not your thing, huh?” She’ll most likely give you a dirty look, but you’ve got her attention. Turn it in your favor by adding, “Is there something else you’d rather be doing right now?” If she replies, then help her achieve that goal. Another example takes place in a different environment. Let’s say you’re in the university library and you notice that your crush is really trying to get some studying done. Just then, a noisy group of girls pass by and your crush looks annoyed. You could lean over and say, “Wow, they were so obnoxious. I like it when this place is quieter.” Wait for a response. If she agrees, then you could add, “There’s this place that I go to study that’s really great. It’s the coffee shop off campus. You should try it sometime. They have great smoothies, too. You ever been there?” Guess what, you’re having a conversation now. ![talking to girls - ask for a date](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Ask her for a date ## Don’t ask for her phone number. Set up a date instead. You’ve got her number; you’re done, right? Wrong. Asking a girl for her phone number is not only cheesy, but it marks the end of your encounter. You’re not a salesman trying to close a deal. You’re looking to make a genuine connection that could lead to more intimate encounters in the near future. Believe it or not, this first encounter is your first date. If you keep that in mind, you’re not looking for the exit. You’re looking for a corner booth at the night club to keep this thing rolling or you’re looking to walk with her to her next destination. This give you more time to learn about one another. If you just ask a girl for her phone number, you’re ending the experience prematurely. Always look for the potential of your next encounter and look for ways to enhance your current encounter with her. I met a girl at a party once and we talked for awhile until eventually the conversation got around to sports. It turned out that she was a big football fan. So, I invited her to my buddy’s Super Bowl party the following weekend and we wound up exchanging numbers just so we could arrange to meet up again. We wound up dating pretty heavily for close to a year. ## Talking to girls still got you tongue-tied? Those were some of my favorite tips for talking to girls, but I can understand if you don’t feel comfortable even making the first move. It [takes a confident man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) and the first step of asking a girl out is certainly the most difficult one. Confidence is a strange, intangible element to this whole equation. Without it, how do you work up the nerve to dive in? ### Well, here are some confidence-building tips: - There’s no such thing as “too hot for you” or “out of your league”. Typically, women don’t think like men. You might be thinking this girl is out of your league, but she’s not evaluating you on your looks alone. - Women look at the whole package and usually want a man who is happy with himself. If you project an air of assertiveness and look comfortable in your own skin, then you’ve got a fighting chance with any girl. - Maintain good health and hygiene. This is an important tip because you should always be ready. You never know when that chance encounter will happen, so you must always keep your body and clothes clean. Work on your physical fitness, as well. Not only will this make you more presentable on a daily basis, but it will boost your confidence exponentially. Just try to avoid becoming obsessive about your physical appearance. - Practice makes perfect. Some people approach dating as a numbers game – just talk to a bunch of girls and one will say yes. - That line of thinking is dysfunctional. It leads to obsessive behavior and devalues each experience you could have with a potential mate. Instead, practice your conversational skills in the retail checkout line. - When you go shopping, the girl at the checkout counter must stand there and talk to you. It’s her job. So, you can get some practice by making light conversation. - Don’t hit on her, just say hello and practice making quick observations and asking open-ended questions. - Make sure you are doing what you can [to look handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). This means taking care of your appearance, including your skin. See this post on [creating a men’s  skincare routine.](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) ## Talk to a girl – the takeaway Online dating is fine for scrolling through profiles, but I’m not a big fan. My issue is that you can’t get an unfiltered perspective on a girl you like, and people also tend to portray themselves in a way that will inevitably betray them when you actually meet-up. I like to bite that gold coin like the old 49ers in the movies to make sure it’s real. Now, when you see a hot girl or just a girl that sparks your interest, you can talk to her without sounding like a creep. Just remember to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. Don’t focus on her physical appearance and try to make the moment **better**. Don’t overthink what you’re going to say and trust in the work you’ve already applied in making yourself look stylish, clean, and presentable. You can practice [making conversation](https://guycounseling.com/approach-women-confidence/) while you’re out shopping and sharpen your ability to speak casually in different situations. Lastly, make sure that you’re focusing on your enjoyment. If you’re just looking to create joy and fulfillment, then all the other stuff comes naturally. Let us know what you think. Do you still try to make hook — **Related Posts** [ How to create a mental circle of confidence to boost self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) [How to increase confidence when dating](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Confidence, Conversations, Girls, Talking --- ### [10 Signs a Woman Likes You!](https://guycounseling.com/signs-woman-likes-you-interested/) **Published:** May 6, 2019 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![signs a woman likes you and interested](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/signs-a-woman-likes-you.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How to tell if she likes you Table of Contents Toggle - [Unmistakable signs a woman likes you](#Unmistakable_signs_a_woman_likes_you) - [Picking up on the signs she’s interested](#Picking_up_on_the_signs_shes_interested) - [1. She’s getting touchy-feely suddenly](#1_Shes_getting_touchy-feely_suddenly) - [2. She laughs at everything you say](#2_She_laughs_at_everything_you_say) - [3. She keeps making eye contact](#3_She_keeps_making_eye_contact) - [4. She asks for your help](#4_She_asks_for_your_help) - [5. She wants to be in your personal space](#5_She_wants_to_be_in_your_personal_space) - [6. She won’t stop texting you](#6_She_wont_stop_texting_you) - [7. She asks your opinion about her personal appearance](#7_She_asks_your_opinion_about_her_personal_appearance) - [8. She keeps touching her hair](#8_She_keeps_touching_her_hair) - [9. She introduces you to her friends and family](#9_She_introduces_you_to_her_friends_and_family) - [10. She’s paying attention to what you’re saying](#10_Shes_paying_attention_to_what_youre_saying) - [Signs She Likes You – Wrap Up](#Signs_She_Likes_You_%E2%80%93_Wrap_Up) ## Unmistakable signs a woman likes you Are you trying to figure out if a woman likes you? Struggling to understand her intentions? Hoping to pickup some useful insight about women and flirting? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this post is all about **how women show men they are interested.** Do you remember those little folded notes you used to send girls in grade school? Yeah, the ones with the boxes for “DO YOU LIKE ME? Check YES or NO. Well, dating isn’t that simple anymore. I’m not saying it’s rocket science either. Instead, I’m merely suggesting it’s complicated. And how could it not be? We live in a world of dating apps, online portals, and “romance” sites. Given the dynamics, intuiting another’s intention is difficult because much of the initial contact happens electronically. This is one of the main reasons we blogged [about how to talk to a girl and get her attracted to you](https://guycounseling.com/how-talk-girl-attracted/). But I digress. You came here to gain insight on women showing men an interest. Let’s get back to the signs. ![signs a girl likes you](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-eating-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Signs a girl likes you ## Picking up on the signs she’s interested For most people, it’s easier to notice those hints when they’re looking at other couples. It’s good practice. Just give it a try next time you’re in a coffee shop. Look at the couples, specifically their body language, and you’ll see some indications of interest (or lack thereof). It’s much more difficult to pick up on flirtatious hints when you’re *that* guy in the moment, in the scene, sweating your gonads off trying to figure out what this girl really wants. No need to panic though or make a hasty move. **Here are the 10 best indicators that you’re on the right track.** ![how women show they like men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1)10 Signs She’s Into You ## 1. She’s getting touchy-feely suddenly Physical contact can be a tricky behavioral indicator of interest. Sometimes, a touch is just a touch. You don’t want to confuse a completely platonic shoulder punch with an invitation to get intimate. In general, touching on the shoulder or arm is not a direct indicator of interest. What you need to look for is the frequency of contact and the region of contact. If she’s touching your hand, your leg, AND your arm, then the chances are high that she wants to get close to you. Also, you should **pay close attention to whether the contact was accidental or intentional**. A woman that likes you will find a way to rub up against you. Look for signs that the physical contact was made with the intention of getting your reaction or expressing her feelings in that moment. **Gentleman, that’s called flirting.** ## 2. She laughs at everything you say Jeffrey Hall, PhD. from the University of Kansas conducted [a study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1474704915598918) in 2005 that found a direct correlation between how munch a woman likes you and how funny you are. The study found that the more a woman laughs at your jokes, the more likely it is that she’s be interested in dating you. Women love a funny man. Laughter is good for the body and mind. When a woman laughs, she’s having a physical reaction. Laughter increases blood flow and produces feel good chemicals in the brain called beta-endorphins. Now, don’t try to overdo it with the jokes. Just try to present yourself as a happy individual who makes light-hearted observations about the world around him. This will translate to some good humor and hopefully, she’ll keep laughing all the way to your heart. ## 3. She keeps making eye contact Eye contact is one of the most potent forms of communication. Our eyes display our emotions and intentions in a powerful way. However, eye contact as an indicator of romantic interest can be misleading. That’s because maintaining good eye contact is largely viewed to demonstrate interest in nearly any setting, not just when trying to flirt. There are levels to it. You want to try and notice if she’s looking at you from across the room, and when you look at her, she looks away. If you notice this lingering eye effect happening more than once, then she’s most likely interested in you. If there’s a [sparkle to her eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/), even better. Now, when you’re having a conversation with a woman you like, try to look for a deeply-emotive stare. Does her gaze seem to be searching within you? That’s the level of deep eye contact that means that a woman is wrapped around your finger. ![Signs can sometimes be subtle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/black-couple-holding-hands.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Communication is a skill that requires development ## 4. She asks for your help Guys, we like to feel needed, don’t we? In the back of our minds, we all think we’re capable of rescuing a damsel in distress at the drop of a hat. **News Flash** – women know that about us, too. So, if a girl asks for your help, she’s really giving you the opportunity to be useful. It could be something small such as the Wi-Fi password at a house party. Or it could be something more important like changing the motor oil in her car. Either way, she’s giving you a clear signal of interest. In that moment, she’s admitting that she’s vulnerable and she’s giving you the chance to be her knight in shining armor. Don’t miss it. ## 5. She wants to be in your personal space People value their personal space, even among friends. It’s your own little region of control, a buffer zone of imminent domain that makes you feel comfortable. Most girls don’t get close to just anybody. If you notice that a woman is sticking close to your side or leaning toward you during conversation, then you are free to make your move. Also, look for body language while *you’re* trying to get close to *her*. Does she cross her arms or put her hands in her pockets? These are indicators that she’s not quite comfortable with you inside her personal space. If you’re lucky, she’ll nestle in close to you even if you move away. ## 6. She won’t stop texting you People these days place less value on face-to-face interactions and even voice calls. The preferred method of communication is texting now. In general, women spend more time texting than men and American women between the ages of 18 and 34 attribute 35% of their mobile phone usage to texting, according to a [Pew Research survey](https://www.pewinternet.org/2010/09/02/cell-phones-and-american-adults/). If a girl texts you out of the blue, then that is a good indicator that she’s thinking of you. If she engages you in lengthy text exchanges – even better. She’s chosen you for a conversation and that means you have her attention, even when you’re not around. Don’t blow her off. **Give her lots of feedback**, even if that cuts into some of your personal time. Investigating the possibility of a relationship with another is all about investing the time and energy into the process (if that makes sense). ![how do women show they like men?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man-woman-intimacy-kissing.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)She’ll show you in different ways ## 7. She asks your opinion about her personal appearance Women have intense societal pressures to be beautiful. They’re not snapping all those selfies for nothing. The perception of beauty varies from culture to culture and even person to person, but most women want to be seen as attractive. If a girl asks you how she looks in a particular outfit or wants to know if she totally looks gross with this hair color, it’s because she’s giving you an opportunity to support her self-image. If she didn’t like you, then she wouldn’t care what you thought at all. She could just post a photo on Instagram and watch the comments and likes roll in from her social media friends. Instead, she asked you. This is your chance to compliment her and make her feel good about herself. As an aside, are you doing everything possible to [make yourself an attractive man](https://guycounseling.com/grooming-habits-attractive-men/)? ## 8. She keeps touching her hair Women sometimes touch their hair or lean their neck to the side when they like a guy. It’s called preening. They raise their arm, exposing their underarm and torso, giving you a seductive glimpse into their intimate posturing. Some women do this consciously, but for others, it’s a subconscious affect. The effect that it has on guys is somewhat linked to our evolutionary psychology. Men tend to see women with long, shiny hair as better mating partners. The thing that you need to keep in mind about preening is that women don’t just do it to flirt with men. Sometimes, women just touch their hair when they’re bored or to let off some nervous energy. So again, you need to look at cluster signals. Preening alone shouldn’t give you the signal to make a move, but when paired with other indicators, touching the hair can be considered flirtatious. ![tell-tale signs a girl is attracted to you](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/leo-and-pisces-compatibility.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Ways women show interest ## 9. She introduces you to her friends and family When a woman starts inviting you to social gatherings with her family and friends, chances are high that she’s really into you. She trusts their opinions and by including you in her social group, she’s giving them the signal that you have potential. If you made it to this stage, then she already likes you. Now, she’s looking for her friends and family to validate her choice. Her family and peer group are key elements in evaluating your suitability as a boyfriend or mate. For some women, this includes their pets, too. So, if her pet Chihuahua warms up to you, rest assured that you’re good to go. ## 10. She’s paying attention to what you’re saying Women have so many distractions in life: their text messages, social media pages, and other life commitments. So, when a woman is paying attention to you, this is the best indicator that she like you. It can be such a letdown to take a girl out on a date and watch helplessly as she texts and scrolls through her phone the whole time. Guys, get away from this girl because either she’s not into you or she’s so into herself that she’ll never provide you with a sense of happiness. A woman that likes you will listen to what you have to say and carry on the conversation with thoughtful responses. If you notice her looking bored or if she starts breaking commitments to get together, then she’s just not into you enough. Let her go and keep on looking for Miss Right. ## Signs She Likes You – Wrap Up Reading body language and verbal cues isn’t easy when dealing with the opposite sex. Sometimes, women give mixed signals. One minute, you think she’s totally into you. The next minute, she’s not returning any of your text messages. This can leave you feeling confused and less confident going forward. To prevent confusion, you shouldn’t lean too heavily on any single indicator. Instead, look at the entirety of your encounters with a woman. Try to cluster her social signals together so that you get a clearer picture of her intentions. A rule of three will usually give you a safe bet. Is she texting you out of the blue? Does she reach out and touch you often? Did she introduce you to her best friend? Okay, this girl wants you. It’s time to make your move. The lion’s share of the work is already done. Now, you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor. — **Related:** [My girlfriend cheated – what should I do?](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated-infidelity/) [5 hacks for getting her interested](https://guycounseling.com/get-girl-interested/) [How to look like a handsome man](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Attraction, Dating, Flirt, Flirting, Interest, Text --- ### [My Girlfriend Cheated On Me - What Should I Do?](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated-infidelity/) **Published:** June 15, 2019 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![girlfriend cheated](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/girlfriend-cheats-on-you-face.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Girlfriend cheat on you? Table of Contents Toggle - [“MY GIRLFRIEND CHEATED ON ME – PLEASE HELP!”](#%E2%80%9CMY_GIRLFRIEND_CHEATED_ON_ME_%E2%80%93_PLEASE_HELP%E2%80%9D) - [YOUR GIRLFRIEND CHEATED – NOW WHAT?](#YOUR_GIRLFRIEND_CHEATED_%E2%80%93_NOW_WHAT) - [1. Stay focused on the present](#1_Stay_focused_on_the_present) - [2. Don’t deny your feelings](#2_Dont_deny_your_feelings) - [3. Lean into your circle of support](#3_Lean_into_your_circle_of_support) - [4. Remember, it’s your choice](#4_Remember_its_your_choice) - [5. Focus on what questions when you talk](#5_Focus_on_what_questions_when_you_talk) - [6. Avoid the blame game](#6_Avoid_the_blame_game) - [7. Allow time for healing](#7_Allow_time_for_healing) - [8. Taking her back or not](#8_Taking_her_back_or_not) - [9. Don’t reach out to the other guy](#9_Dont_reach_out_to_the_other_guy) - [10. Respect yourself](#10_Respect_yourself) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## “MY GIRLFRIEND CHEATED ON ME – PLEASE HELP!” ### HIS QUESTION *Dear Jack,* *Recently, I learned that **my girlfriend cheated on me**. To make a long story short, I found out after seeing her with another guy at a café (holding hands).* *Upon confronting her about things, she came right out and confessed to their relationship. And yes, they’ve been sleeping together.* *I’m devastated and unsure of what to do. We’ve been dating for almost a year now.* *Any advice?* *-Hurt and Confused* ### THE ANSWER Hi, HC, Let me start off by saying that I’m super sorry to hear that you found out your girlfriend cheated on you. I can only imagine what it would be like to learn about this in the way that you did; catching them together in an intimate moment. On the psychological front, we know from [research](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167208327189) that learning a romantic partner has betrayed us is one of the most devastating things a person can endure. Compounding your pain are the two types of infidelity that happened. One is emotional and the other, physical. When you combine the two, it’s equivalent to a Category 5 storm on your psyche. While you didn’t say it, I am assuming there was an agreement of monogamy and that you were under the impression that both of you would be exclusive. All I can say is wow man, I really feel for your pain. ## YOUR GIRLFRIEND CHEATED – NOW WHAT? Now, you are left in a situation of wondering what to do. In fact, there may even be a part of you who wonders if you should [take your girlfriend back after she cheated](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/)? In my experience, most guys enter this weird plain of reality after such an event that’s a mix of surrealism and confusion. In the immediate aftermath, some men ask themselves: - Can we repair the relationship **after cheating?** - I’m still in love with her still **but does she still love me?** - What did I do to cause her to **cheat on me?** Given the dynamics, I’ve decided to put together a 10-point guide on how to handle a cheating girlfriend. In situations like yours, it just makes sense to provide something concrete that you can refer to. Bear in mind these suggestions shouldn’t be thought of like a cookie cutter approach to infidelity. In truth, each situation is different, particularly when it comes to [men and breakups](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/). Instead, explore each of the listed points carefully and adapt what feels right for your situation. ![girlfriend who cheated on me tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1)10 tips when your girlfriend cheats on you ## 1. Stay focused on the present Because you are likely traumatized, it’s critical that you keep your awareness focused on the present. Otherwise, you’ll enter a place of psychological distortion and make decisions that may or may not be based on facts. Yes, I’m talking about self-care here and it’s not something to blow-off. Here’s the deal. After a person has experienced psychic trauma, the mind begins to replay images, activities, and events repeatedly. This happens on both the conscious and subconscious level. Your job is to remain centered in the present as much as possible. It’s the only way that you can make smart, informed decisions about the “next steps” that will take place. ## 2. Don’t deny your feelings The second part of coping with news of infidelity is to stay in touch with your feelings. As men, we tend to minimize our emotions and buy into the destructive stereotype of being able to handle pain. I’m here to tell you that kind of hyper-masculine behavior is toxic and unhelpful. Whenever we deny our feelings, we paradoxically make them stronger. Your best course is to simply **be aware** of your emotions without letting them control you. There are some practical ways to accomplish this. Perhaps the most effective approach is to meditate. Yes, that may sound a bit woo-woo but it really does work because it accomplishes two things at once. First, it centers your attention on the here and now (see point one above) and two, it allows a mental portal for emotional distress. I encourage you to read this post on how to [conduct a complete body scan meditation](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) to learn more. ## 3. Lean into your circle of support This point is obvious but I’m mentioning because of its importance. When you’ve had your heart ripped out, the last thing you want to do is be around people. I’m not suggesting that you force yourself to hang with your buds and pretend like nothing is going on. In fact, making yourself *be* with others can be counterproductive. But what you *can* do is lean into your support systems and share what you are feeling. Screw the “bro-code” that suggests guys don’t engage in emotional sharing. It’s BS. The reality is most of us are desperate for real conversations about what’s going on, deep inside. But if we don’t open up, we continue to remain [lonely and hurt](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/12/lonely-men/). I think what you’ll find is that your friends will be able to relate to your pain, at least on some level, and help you move through the healing process. ## 4. Remember, it’s your choice Once you start gaining the support of others, there is a good chance friends will offer advice. In fact, I’m confident this will happen. Some will suggest you cut your girlfriend off and ghost her. Others may suggest that you have a sit-down and find out all of the particulars that led her to cheat. And still, others might encourage you to try and repair what has been broken. I can’t tell you which route to take but I can say this. In the end, **the choice of how to move forward is yours**. All of this is to simply say don’t let others pressure you into deciding. Instead, take the smart approach and absorb all of the advice collectively. Your subconscious mind already knows the right path to take however, it will let you know the answer in its own time. This cannot be forced. You’ve been seriously hurt. **Let what will be simply be** and allow the process to unfold organically. ## 5. Focus on what questions when you talk Because the status of a relationship isn’t always known in the immediate aftermath of cheating, I’m not going to label her as your “ex”. It’s very possible you still refer to her as your girlfriend and conversely, she may still think of you as her boyfriend. Regardless of the label, there will come a time when you want to talk about all that has happened. Common questions as part of this dynamic involve wanting to know **why she cheated, why that particular guy, and why did you do this to “us”?** My best advice is to avoid that first question (why she cheated) as much as possible. The reason? It’s simple. Getting to the *why* is like circling the mountain. She may not fully understand her motivations because most people rarely do when it comes to infidelity – beyond a carnal attraction. Instead, **focus on the “what” questions**. What questions offer concrete answers that allow both of you to mentally digest events. **Example what questions with cheating:** - What led you to do this? - What was it about our relationship that made this possible? - What consequences were you thinking of when you decided to step out? - What trust, if any, still exists in our relationship? To learn more on these types of questions, be sure to read this post on [what to do](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/) if your girlfriend never initiates. ## 6. Avoid the blame game I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen guys who have been cheated on enter the destructive mental minefield of playing the blame game. Here, I’m about nasty self-talk that only serves to crash your self-esteem and [confidence as a man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). You know what I’m talking about, right? **Self-statements like:** - I must be ugly, otherwise, she wouldn’t have cheated - There’s something unattractive about me that led to her step out. - My [manhood isn’t enough](https://guycounseling.com/ashamed-size-equipment/) to satisfy her. - If I were more emotionally available, I could have prevented this. Engaging in any of the above needs to be avoided like the plague. While it is important to conduct self-inventory, it’s not helpful to pile a bunch of crap on yourself – emotionally or mentally. Instead, step back from the situation and put on your analytical hat. The best way to do this is to assess things based on facts. This goes back to the what questions mentioned above. Finally, on this point, if you do find yourself partaking in caustic self-talk, it may be time to take your head to thought court. In simple speak, thought court is a place that you can go and put negative thinking on trial. Here is a [worksheet](https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/TheCourtCase.pdf) that you can use to help on this front. While not curative, it can be used as a powerful tool for coping. ## 7. Allow time for healing Regardless of the outcome, meaning to break up or stay together, it’s critical that you allow time to heal. Making a long-term decision right after news of infidelity is unwise. Let’s face it – your mind isn’t in the best place. Instead, call a timeout on your relational status. This means being direct and telling her that **you need time to process**. If she doesn’t understand or tries to pressure you into taking her back, stick to your guns. **Healing activities include:** - Exercise and physical activity - Going to counseling - Avoiding substances that can [crash your mood like alcohol](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) - Being with people who love and support you There is no such thing as a timeframe for “getting over” cheating. The best you can do is *work through*. Part of this process involves investing in yourself emotionally and mentally. ## 8. Taking her back or not There will come a point where one of two outcomes will occur. The first being that you’ll decide to take care back with the goal of working things out. The second is breaking up. Obviously, this will be a joint decision (but one you will influence greatly). Once a decision is made, it’s imperative to **stick to your choice**. We know from clinical research that people who go in and out of relationships with ex-partners do great psychological harm to themselves. This is even more of the case when she dumps you, after cheating, and then [wants you back](https://guycounseling.com/breakup-reconcile-advice/). ## 9. Don’t reach out to the other guy As all of the above unfolds, there may be a strong desire to confront the guy your girlfriend connected with. To the extent that I can convey this over the web, let me say it loud and clear: **don’t do it*.*** Not only is this unproductive, it could also land you in real trouble should a physical altercation happen. Additionally, all you’ll be doing is engaging in the game of comparisons. While I recognize there may be a part of you that wants to seriously bust this guy’s face up, you’ve got to remember that it takes **two to tango*.*** Don’t go down this road. This leads us to the next point. ## 10. Respect yourself At the end of the day, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror. For some guys, it is simply impossible to be OK with a girlfriend who cheated. For other men, moving through infidelity is a bit easier. Much depends on your personality and life experiences. That said, a guiding principle is to make sure you are respecting yourself in the process. This also means not allowing anyone to get into the [habit of disrespecting you](https://guycounseling.com/comfortable-disrespect-933/). ## Wrap Up Being cheated on sucks. It can feel like someone ripped your heart out and then stomped on it as sat back and helplessly watched. All I can tell you is that in time, this moment will pass. Hopefully, the 10-point guide I’ve shared above can assist you on the journey. Allow yourself space to process the enormity of this news. Remember healing isn’t instant. Eventually, however, it *does* happen. — Think you could use some dating tips? Email Ask Jack at <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Ask Jack, Dating, Podcasts, Relationships **Tags:** Cheat, Cheater, Cheating, Infidelity, Trust --- ### [10 Great Novels You Should Read if You’re Feeling Depressed](https://guycounseling.com/novels-read-depressed/) **Published:** December 20, 2020 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![man reading book depressed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/man-reading.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 10 Books To Read When Depressed When you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps, a great story might offer some comfort and inspiration in trying times. There are plenty of self-help books out there to help men deal with depression, but you can never underestimate the power of a novel to influence your thoughts and emotions. A novel well-told can transport you to another world and help you experience different perspectives. You might feel a sense of kinship with the characters if they’re experiencing similar problems. You might also enjoy a bit of escape by immersing yourself in a fantasy world that only exists on the pages. We wanted to help you find the best novels to read if you’re feeling depressed. This way, you won’t waste your time scrolling through endless titles on Amazon. That can be a frustrating experience. So, here is a curated list of novels that will stimulate your mind and ease your anguish. FYI: The books listed below link to Amazon; an organization Guy Counseling is affiliated with. ## 1. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas ***What’s It About:*** A young sailor named Edmond Dantes is thrown in prison by his jealous associates. He meets a fellow inmate who educates Edmond and tells him the whereabouts of a hidden treasure. If Edmond can escape, he plans to exact revenge on all those who betrayed him. However, he learns that there are many complicated faces of evil. ***Why You Should Read It:*** This is a classic novel. Some guys have already read it for English literature classes, but this is a story that never gets old. That’s because it deals with such universal themes and the main character practically leaps off the page. Edmond Dantes suffers so much and finds the ultimate revenge. Reading this book when you’re feeling down and out can give you a real sense of hope. Plus, who doesn’t love rooting for the underdog. See  [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3ntfFY6) for price. **Related**: [Is the Book “Return of the Gentleman Worth Buying?](https://guycounseling.com/return-gentleman-book-review/) ## **2. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce** ***What’s It About:*** This novel traces the intellectual and spiritual awakening of Stephen Dedalus, the alter-ego of James Joyce. Deeply lyrical and nuanced, this novel calls into question the conventions of the Catholic church and the Irish identity. As Dedalus grows, so does the narrative voice and readers witness the maturation of the young artist as the pages turn. ***Why You Should Read It:*** It’s hard to believe that this was Joyce’s first novel. Talk about hitting it out of the park on the first pitch. The main character is someone that experiences deep levels of religious and intellectual awakenings. Reading this book might compel you to ask yourself some challenging questions about your own beliefs. If you struggle with religion and spirituality, then you’ll nod your head in agreement from the first page to the last. Buy it on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3r56AXW) today. ![Novels to read when depressed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/sad-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Reading ideas when depressed ## **3. Blood for Karen by Frederick S. Blackmon**  *What’s It About:*** Jason Stewart is a young man at the crossroads of his young adult life. He returns to his war-torn hometown to find his childhood love, a girl named Karen. But this isn’t an easy romance. Karen is now the leader of a group of dangerous, armed rebels and Jason must decide if he’s willing to pay the ultimate price to prove his love. ***Why You Should Read It:*** Have you ever suffered from unrequited love? Have you ever been ghosted by your crush and it made you feel like crap? Well, the main character of this story doesn’t let any of that stop him. Jason Stewart has an indomitable spirit. While he’s pursuing Karen, he picks up a true cause that’s worthy of his passion. Maybe there’s an important cause out there that needs your passion, too. Buy it on [Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Blood-Karen-Frederick-Blackmon-ebook/dp/B077D6CVXX/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=blood+for+karen+frederick+blackmon&qid=1608041835&s=books&sr=1-1) today. ## **4. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky** ***What’s It About:*** This cult favorite coming-of-age story follows Charlie as he navigates the difficult waters of adolescence. Charlie deals with sex, love, loneliness, and all the problems of growing up a wallflower. The narrative is funny, heartbreaking, and authentic. This novel was A years-long #1 *New York Times* bestseller, an American Library Association Best Book for Young Adults and Best Book for Reluctant Readers, and became a movie starring Logan Lerman and Emma Watson. ***Why You Should Read It:*** Feeling socially awkward is so frustrating. The loneliness, anxiety, and depression – it’s all there. But what if you read a book that made you feel like you weren’t alone? This is a great read for guys who had a difficult time in high school or feel like they still can’t shake those growing pains as an early adult. It’s also possible that this story illuminates how far you’ve come on your own personal journey. Check out [Amazon](https://amzn.to/34BLQxp) for pricing. ## **5. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton** ***What’s It About:*** A true classic, this novel defined the Young Adult drama. It follows Ponyboy Curtis, a young teenager from the wrong side of the tracks. His life is sent spiraling when a rival gang member is killed by Ponyboy and his friend Johnny. While on the run, Ponyboy questions his place in society and finds that the lines separating the classes aren’t as hard and fast as he once believed. ***Why You Should Read It:*** A group of young guys who are deeply underserved by the world around them find a place in society through a random good deed. That’s just the tip of the iceberg with this story. The Outsiders is a coming-of-age novel for bad boy types and guys dealing with childhood trauma and anger issues. So many guys will find themselves in these pages and find guys that they like in these pages, too. It’s a must-read. Visit [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3gSVkJe) for pricing. ## ***![man backpack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/man-backpack.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)*** ## **6. It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini**  *What’s It About:*** Craig Gilner is an ambitious young student who just aced the entrance exam to a prestigious high school. He thinks his future is set, but this is when all his problems begin. The pressures of rising to the level of the other students leads Craig to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. ***Why You Should Read It:*** This is a novel about some serious mental health issues that’s actually quite funny. You’ll find yourself laughing through your pain. The author spent some time in a mental health recovery institute and draws from personal experiences to craft an authentic narrative about anxiety and depression. See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3nsCdIG) for price. **Related:** [Hypnosis May Offer Relief for Depression](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-depression-study/) ## **7. A Spell for Chameleon by Piers Anthony** ***What’s It About:*** Xanth is a fantasy world where everybody has magic, everybody except the main character, a young man named Bink. He’d better get some fast or he faces exile from the kingdom of Xanth. So, he goes on a quest to find his magical ability and crosses paths with all sorts of creatures like centaurs, basilisks, wizards, and nymphs. This novel was awarded Best Novel of the Year by the British Fantasy Society and it will surely keep you reading more books in the extensive Xanth series. ***Why You Should Read It:*** Do yourself a favor and immerse yourself in a world where everyone has magic. This is a great entry novel into the Xanth fantasy series. If you like the tone of the writing, there are more than a dozen more Xanth novels to read. This book in particular is spellbinding and irreverent. It’s both charming and cheeky. Piers Anthony knows the genre well and delights his readers with playful wordplay and jabs at the tired fantasy tropes from other works like Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. Check out [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3gT4Mwe) for price. ## **8. Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ by Lew Wallace** ***What’s It About:*** It’s the time of the Christ in Judea. Judah Ben-Hur is a young aristocrat who gets sentenced to a cruel imprisonment by his childhood best friend, a Roman military man named Masala. Judah stays alive through the strength of his vengeance and vows to return to Judea. However, along the way, Judah experiences an entire lifetime of ups and downs that change his perspective on the meaning of life. ***Why You Should Read It:*** Fair warning – this isn’t light reading. It’s a massive tome that will keep you turning pages if you really get into it. Ironically, it’s not really about Jesus Christ. It’s about the struggles of Judah Benhur and his quest for revenge and redemption. Reading the book is not like watching the classic Charlton Heston movie either. It’s a completely different experience. If you’re searching for meaning or struggling to feel anything real, then this historical novel will tune you up nicely. Go to [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Wn1UhQ) for price. ## **![man crying](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/man-crying.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)9. Shane by Jack Schaefer**  *What’s It About:*** The Starrett family are enthralled by a mysterious wanderer named Shane who rides up to their farm. He takes up work as a farmhand and makes friends with the family, all the while, keeping his past a closely guarded secret. When a cattle baron threatens to take the Starrett’s land, Shane’s true character comes out swinging. ***Why You Should Read It:*** Bet you haven’t read a western dime novel in a while. Maybe you’ve never read one. Well, Shane is widely regarded as one of the best Western novels of all time and it’s a quick read, too. The character of Shane is the prototype of many Western characters from other books and movies. He’s stoic, heroic, mysterious, and a damn good shooter – lots of qualities you might wish you had. Visit [Amazon](https://amzn.to/38fedCa) for price. **Related:** [Is the Book “Cherry” by Nico Walker Worth Reading?](https://guycounseling.com/cherry-book-review/) ## **10. Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome** ***What’s It About:*** Before there was *The Hangover,* there were *Three Men in a Boat*. Three friends decide to take a boat ride up the Thames but find nothing but trouble and hilarious adventures on the way. Sometimes, this novel reads like a serious travel guide, but that’s only to provide relief from the madcap stories that later unfold. They argue constantly, struggle with the boat and their camping gear, plus meet colorful characters throughout the story. ***Why You Should Read It:*** Dare yourself not to laugh at this book. Although it was written in 1889, the jokes seem utterly timeless and fresh, even after all this time. If you’re feeling a bit down, you’ll be refreshed by the good-naturedness of this book. It’s a classy, funny story and a wonderful departure from the problems of modern living. See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3gRiY9a) for price. **Related:** [10 Ways Alcohol Makes Depression Even Worse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) ## **Reading Great Stories When You’re Feeling Sad** Sometimes, you need to get out of your own head and feel something different. That can make all the difference when you’re feeling sad. Endlessly scrolling through social media or binge-watching Netflix could make you feel worse. However, reading an amazing story invites you to experience something different without all the baggage of online activity. Some novels in this list have nothing to do with depression at all. They simply serve to help you relax and unwind. A great story doesn’t cure depression. That’s important to mention, but it can help you to see life through someone else’s eyes. You might find a kinship with the author or the characters that they’ve created. Another great thing about these novels is that they’re written by amazing authors. These prolific writers excel at articulating difficult thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, when you’re feeling sad you lack the words to even describe what you’re going through. Seeing your feelings put on the page offers such a sense of relief. You might find ways to cope or gain comfort from knowing you’re not alone. Have you read any good novels lately? Feel free to add to this list and share it with your friends. **Categories:** Ask Jack, Mind **Tags:** Affiliate, Books, Depression, Reading, Sadness --- ### [Can a Straight Guy Fall in Love with a Gay Man?](https://guycounseling.com/straight-gay-love/) **Published:** September 5, 2022 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![straight gay love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-with-depression.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Is it possible a straight guy can be attracted to the same sex? ## His Question Dear Jack, *I’ve found myself in the oddest situation. I’m 31, married to a woman and have a child. For my entire life, I’ve been attracted to females and have never once – even remotely – been attracted to another guy.* *But in the last year, that has all changed. There’s a guy at my gym who has turned into a workout buddy. Same age, super cool, and is out \[as gay\]. For some reason, I have found myself strangely attracted to him. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if I’m not in love with him.* *We’ve never messed around or anything like that. In fact, I’m not even sure if he knows what’s up on my end. But the entire thing is driving me nuts because I’m fantasizing about him, even while making love to my wife.* *Is it possible a straight man can fall in love with a gay man?* *-A confused bodybuilder* ## Listen To Episode 17 – Straight Guy Confession \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”17″ \] ## The Answer Hi, Nick, I can imagine sending this note was not easy and that it required a lot of courage to write all of this out in the first place. You have a lot going on and so I’ll try to respond to your question as best as I can. The simple answer to what you have asked is **yes, a straight man can fall in love with a gay man**. In fact, a straight man can fall in love with another man, period. If that sounds like a complicated answer, that’s because it is. Simply put, the term “straight” is subjective at best. We’re going to get into the nuts and bolts of that in a bit, but I want to first address the realities of what you are dealing with. My sense is that you didn’t plan on any of this. You probably were working out at your gym, doing some random exercises and at some point, realized you needed a spotter. And then it happened. An attractive guy decided to jump in and help you out. In turn, you offered to spot him. As time went on, the two of you would bump into one another at the gym and became workout buddies. He talked about his life, including being gay, and was completely open about everything. In turn, you shared personal details about your situation, including being married to a woman and having a child. All of this served as a kind of bonding experience; a moment where the both of you could be vulnerable to one another. At some point, you realized the excitement you felt upon seeing him felt different – more than just the typical feeling two friends feel when running into each other. To complicate matters, he started creeping into your thoughts. Perhaps it happened while masturbating. Maybe you woke up in the morning with him on your mind, with a stiffness in your boxers that caused confusion? And then, as you mentioned, he crept into your thoughts while making love to your wife. As you tried to push him out of your mind, his imagery only came back stronger. Does any of this sound familiar? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Here’s the full-on truth. Most men are not 100% heterosexual. They may gravitate towards the ladies but that doesn’t mean they are devoid of any attractions towards the same sex. I’d like you to think of sexual orientation as being on a spectrum. Yes, you may have been taught to think of “straight” and “gay” in black and white terms but for our purposes, try to envision a scale. On one end of that spectrum is a guy who is exclusively heterosexual. On the other end of the spectrum is man who is exclusively homosexual. In between, you have variations. What I have just described to you is the *Kinsey Scale*. Developed in 1948 by American biologist Alfred Kinsey, the scale was designed to illustrate a range of sexual orientation. Here is the actual scale, taken directly from the [Kinsey Institute](https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/kinsey-scale.php). ## **KINSEY SCALE** 0 \| Exclusively heterosexual 1 \| Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual 2 \| Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual 3 \| Equally heterosexual and homosexual 4 \| Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual 5 \| Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual 6 \| Exclusively homosexual X \| No socio-sexual contacts or reactions So, what does all this mean for you? While it is hard to know, it sounds like you may fall somewhere between numbers 2 and 1 on the scale. Obviously, I can’t make a placement for you. There are online assessments you can take to help make a determination. For example, you can [try this website](http://vistriai.com/kinseyscaletest/). I guess my point in bringing all of this up is to encourage you to rethink some of the labels we’ve grown accustomed to as men. In “bro-code”, guys don’t talk about such things. It’s not like we’re going to tell our best buddy after a fist-bump that we are attracted to them, right? But just because we aren’t mentioning these attractions doesn’t mean they don’t exist. They most certainly do. And while things are changing, we’re still not at a place where transparency about attraction is the norm. It’s worth noting that in 2015, the folks at [YouGov.UK](https://yougov.co.uk/news/2015/08/16/half-young-not-heterosexual/) conducted a fascinating survey where British people placed themselves on the scale. “The results for 18-24-year-olds are particularly striking, as 43% place themselves in the non-binary area between 1 and 5 and 52% place themselves at one end or the other. Of these, only 46% say they are completely heterosexual and 6% as completely homosexual.” All of this is to say that things, apparently, may be changing. But we simply aren’t there just yet. Give it another decade and I think you will see constructs around sexual orientation completely different from what folks go by in the here and now. That said, I’d like to take a moment to address the other issue going on, based on your note. You used the word “love” as part of your questioning process. What I’d be curious to know is *why* you think you are in love him? Is it possible that you simply are physically (sexually) attracted to this man and that your curiosity about being with him is complicating your feelings? Don’t get me wrong. **It’s entirely possible that you are in love with him.** But my hunch is the physical attraction is so strong that it is misinforming your feeling state. I’m just throwing this out there as a possibility because I suspect you haven’t shared what you have discussed here with anyone. Bottled up inside, I’m sure all of this is deeply confusing. You didn’t ask this, but I’d like to address the obvious elephant in the room – *what to do*? My best advice is to not play the game of pretending like none of this is happening. Doing so could only make your attractions stronger. It was Carl Jung who is credited with coining the phrase, “What we resist persists”. And that is very much the case here. It is far better to accept this part of yourself and not pass judgment. This means not buying into all of the labels people throw around, which are often inaccurate and harmful. Probably one of the best things you can do is find a counselor in your area to talk to about some of what you shared here. But the goal shouldn’t be to “change” who you are or eradicate the attraction. Instead, it’s best to simply accept what’s going on while exploring a part of yourself that probably doesn’t get much nurturing. Finally, I’ll say this. If there is a part of you that is wondering if you should act on your attraction to this other man, think carefully before making a move. Not because it’s “wrong” or “unnatural” or some other shame-based reason. Instead, consider *how* the disclosure and whatever else may follow (assuming he is attracted to you) may impact your friendship. More importantly, how might this cause a problem in your marriage? If you were single and unattached, I’d probably have different thoughts on this matter. It’s not like men don’t experiment with other men at some point during their lifespan, you know? But that’s not the case here. The reality is you are married and presumably monogamous. That’s the real thing you need to think about, you know? Because [once you cheat](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/), regardless of who with, the deed is done. Well, ACB, I hope what I’ve shared here was helpful to you. It’s good that you reached out. I have a feeling there are a lot of readers who can relate – in some way – to the dilemma you’ve discussed here. *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Ask Jack, Relationships **Tags:** Gay, LGBT, Sexual Orientation, Straight --- ### [When Should I Use the No Contact Rule and For How Long?](https://guycounseling.com/no-contact-breakup/) **Published:** August 17, 2025 **Author:** Jack Heart **Content:** ![no contactrule](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/no-contact-rules-2.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **How the no contact rule benefits guys after a break up** Are you thinking of employing the no contact rule after a breakup? Trying to weigh the pros and cons of taking such a drastic action? Searching for reasons to cut your ex off? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Conventional wisdom holds that in the immediate aftermath of a split, the best way to get over a lover is to go radio silent. But is that really a smart idea? Moreover, does the decision to cut off contact encourage healing – particularly for men? The honest answer is **yes** – **in certain situations** – the no contact rule a wise choice. Can we speak **man to man for a moment?** Here’s the deal. A lot of people think guys have an easier time (emotionally) when it comes to [breakups](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) compared to women. The reality is most of us are devastated when a split happens, leaving a giant pit of our stomachs that is painful and palatable. But because we are guys, we tend not to talk about how we’re feeling, even though we desperately want to.  And so, to cope, some of us isolate or enter a place of denial. You know what I mean about denial, right? That’s when you put on a bullsh-t game face and act like nothing is wrong. But when alone in the privacy of your home, you secretly blame yourself for what happened and feel miserable. **On an intellectual level, we realize that the break up was the best decision because it was horribly unhealthy**. But on an emotional level, we find it hard to let go. Can you relate? As a counselor who has worked with more guys than I can shake a stick at, I can tell you from experience that ongoing communique after a split can be a good thing. Depending on the nature of the relationship, it can even help mitigate the pain. That said, there are times when cutting off all contact is essential. You may be wondering what I’m talking about? Well, here are some simple examples: When to cut off contact: - If the the relationship was emotionally abusive. - Physical abuse or domestic violence took place. - If there was a history of substance abuse where both of you partied together, making the relationship “triggery”. - Infidelity, particularly when the other person [cheated](https://guycounseling.com/cheated-girlfriend-confession/). - When the other person has a history of lying to you. - If you know deep inside the relationship is bad for you but recognize you’re emotionally vulnerable. - When you’ve repeated the same “on and off” pattern with this person and neither of you can let go. Obviously, the above mentioned isn’t a complete list however, it does provide a foundation for thought. Now here is the big thing guys so listen up: **The reason you press the no contact button is to begin the journey of personal healing.** ![break ups and no contact](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/no-contact-rules-1.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Breaking up is hard to do ## Should I use it to get an ex back? You are going to read a lot of crap on other sites that suggest cutting off contact is a “fool proof” way to get an ex back. But ask yourself this question: *Is my goal to heal or manipulate?* The hard truth is when you use the no contact rule to emotionally trick someone into wanting you, it does nothing but keep you [attached to the relationship](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/147470490800600119) in the most toxic way possible. So, it’s like this – if you really want to move on (based on the criteria above), the no contact rule can be a very smart choice. The key is doing it for the right reasons. ## What Does No Contact Mean? You probably already know this but just in case you don’t, here’s what having no contact with an ex means: - No texting of any type or form - No telephone calls - No emails - No personal letters (snail mail) - No social media interactions (messages, comments, likes, sharing, tagging, etc.) - No communication through friends or family - No “status updates” designed to grab their attention - No responding if they reach out to you ## What are the benefits of the no contact rule? A lot of men want to know if there are any pluses to using the no contact rule. The answer is **absolutely**. In fact, there are so many benefits that it is impossible to list them all on this page. Here are seven to think about. ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1) ### 1. Gives you space to heal One of the biggest benefits of using the no contact rule is the encouragement of the healing process. And when you think about things, doesn’t this make sense? If you are regularly in contact with your freshly minted ex, you really haven’t broken up with them. Instead, you’re just keeping the door open and inviting old patterns to reemerge. **By choosing no contact**, you create space to *be* with your feelings and thoughts. In turn, this empowers healing over time. ### 2. Changes your perspective Another plus involved with no contact relates to changing your perspective. When you are with someone intimately for a long period, it has a way of skewing your perceptions and creating blind spots. With distance, however, that perspective changes, empowering you to *see things as they were* and not as you fantasized them to be. Look guys, I know that may be a hard pill to swallow. But you came here for the real deal and not a bunch of flowery nonsense, right? ### 3. Opens you up to new relationships Obviously, it’s never a good idea to jump out of one relationship and into another. That said, removing contact as an option does – in a matter of speaking – put you back on the market. While you don’t have to start something hot and heavy with another, you can (after an appropriate time) begin casual dating. By casual, I’m talking about non-committal. This means getting your feet wet again. Doing so helps shift that lens we talked about earlier. Make sense? ### 4. Allows for new sources of validation One of the benefits of being in a romantic relationship is emotional and physical validation. The problem happens when a lover becomes the singular source of validation, thereby creating an unhealthy recipe for codependency. And so, the best thing about “no contact” is this: you get to find new, healthier sources of validation. In turn, this breaks a codependent cycle and [boosts your self-confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). ### 5. More time for self-care One of the things that often goes by the wayside over the course of a relationship is self-care Here, I’m talking about things like diet, working out, grooming and so forth. That’s just the way it is. I mean it’s common sense, right? When you are attached to someone, you are less likely to focus on your needs because: 1. You aren’t looking for a mate and 2. You become super comfortable. When the relationship collapses, and you employ the no contact rule, you immediately free up extra time to do the things you’ve been neglecting. Want to [work on your biceps](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/)? Now you can. Hoping to drop a few pounds? Well, there’s no time like the present. Thinking of growing a beard and [styling like Thor](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/)? Guess what – there’s nothing stopping you now. But none of these things can happen if you are still tethered to your ex. Why? See point one above. ### 6. It gives you wisdom A powerful benefit of choosing no contact is the obtainment of wisdom. Hey, I recognize this one sounds weird but please hear me out. When we are involved with someone else, at least at the beginning, we don’t always see the red flags that a person may be bad for us. Examples include clinginess, lying and/or being controlling. The reason we miss these signs is that we haven’t yet gained the wisdom – obtained through experience – for what to look for. That said, when you break up with a person and stay true to the no contact rule, you allow yourself the ability to remember moments in context. In turn, this allows you to gain insight; something you can use in the future to avoid attracting the same people. ### 7. It makes you stronger The last benefit I’ll list about the no contact rule is super simple: it makes you stronger. Here’s how. By focusing on yourself (and not on your ex) you are making the conscious choice to heal. Over time, this fortifies your resolve and ultimately, your sense of self. **When you know who you are and can intuitively identify the difference between healthy verses unhealthy partners, you become stronger.** And just as important – you also grow. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/attractive-man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)No contact – how long? ## How long should I cut off contact? If your goal is to heal and move past the trauma of a breakup, the no contact rule needs to be in effect for a long time. While there is no hard and fast rule, **a minimum of six months to a year are good places to start**. ## What if I bump into them somewhere? Look, I understand. It’s a small world. There are going to be times when you bump into an ex in a totally unplanned way. Examples include seeing them on the street or running into them while out and about. But remember, no contact means no contact. You may hear other advice elsewhere but here’s what I’m suggesting. Don’t be a jerk but also don’t engage. Nod your head to acknowledge your ex if you want. Wave back if they say hi. Smile if you want to for the sake of appearances. **BUT NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT** This means no conversation, no “catching up” on recent events and no superficial talk about mundane sh-t like the weather. If you must leave the immediate area, do it. ## What if contact can’t be avoided? There are very few situations where contact with an ex is unavoidable. In truth, you probably can make some adjustments to your schedule or routine to keep the no contact rule in place. Obviously, exceptions include working with an ex or a former lover living on the same floor as you. In those narrow situations, your options are limited. But if we’re talking about things like the both of you having memberships at the same gym or hanging out at the same coffee shop, you can decide right now to do something different. Examples: Go to the gym at a different time of day or join a new club altogether. Find a new coffee shop or go at another time. ## Final Thoughts Breaking up with someone is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through. This is particularly true when exiting a toxic relationship with someone we still care about. But if you are a man that wants to heal and allow for new opportunities, using the no contact rule may be the smartest thing you can evef do. Just remember, cut things off because you want to move past the person. Don’t do it try and win them back. **Categories:** Ask Jack, Relationships **Tags:** Break Up, No Contact, Relationships --- ### [What Dreams About Rats Mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dreams about rats](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/rats.jpg?resize=550%2C330&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [DREAMING ABOUT RATS](#DREAMING_ABOUT_RATS) - [RAT DREAMS EXPLORED](#RAT_DREAMS_EXPLORED) - [WHAT DREAMS ABOUT RATS SYMBOLIZE](#WHAT_DREAMS_ABOUT_RATS_SYMBOLIZE) - [RAT DREAM SCENARIOS INTERPRETED](#RAT_DREAM_SCENARIOS_INTERPRETED) - [Rat colors and Dreams](#Rat_colors_and_Dreams) - [OTHER RAT DREAM MEANINGS](#OTHER_RAT_DREAM_MEANINGS) - [DREAM JOURNAL](#DREAM_JOURNAL) - [WRAP UP](#WRAP_UP) ## **DREAMING ABOUT RATS** Having **dreams about rats**? Wondering what rats mean in your dreams? Trying to understand what they symbolize? As a counselor and educator, I can tell you that **people dream about rats more often than you think**. The problem is most folks don’t like talking about them, particularly when in polite company. Not that there’s anything wrong with rats. Some people really dig them. But in the general sense, they aren’t a topic of conversation most folks would bring up over dinner. But what if I told you that seeing rats in dreams is a sign of good luck? Moreover, how would you feel if I said rat dreams have psychological and spiritual significance? Well, guess what? I’m going to suggest just that plus a whole lot more. ![scary rat in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/scary-rat-teeth.jpg?resize=700%2C526&ssl=1 "rat in a dream - scary")Did a scary appear in your dream? This post is all about those furry, four-legged animals with beady eyes that crawl, jump and run. Because I’m aware that rodents tend to freak people out, I’ve tried to write this piece in a way that focuses on fact and less on the grotesque. ## **RAT DREAMS EXPLORED** As a therapist, my work is concerned with helping people create meaning in their lives. While some of this involves traditional talk therapy, other aspects touch on the subconscious. That’s where [dream interpretation](https://guycounseling.com/tag/dreams/) comes in. If you have an open mind, dreams can be an amazing pathway into the subconscious, revealing your hopes, fears, and desires for the future. In the spiritual sense, dreams – such as ones about rats – can signify something holy. But they can also be symbolic of something sinister and dark. It just depends on your belief system. I’m going to be candid with you and say that I don’t have all the answers. But I can tell you this – rats don’t appear in dreams “just because”. Instead, they are symbolic of something happening in your life, projected onto your mind’s mental canvas. ![biting rat big teeth](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/biting-rat.jpg?resize=572%2C572&ssl=1)Did a rat bite you in a dream ## **WHAT DREAMS ABOUT RATS SYMBOLIZE** It’s important to recognize that your perceptions of rats largely influence their meaning in dreams. Yep, that’s right. How you feel about them during waking hours crosses over to the subconscious during sleep. For example, do rats scare the living daylights out of you? Do you think they are cute? Does seeing a tiny one scurry across a sidewalk scare the crap out of you? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you contextualize their meaning and symbolism. A lot of people, particularly in North America, hate rats. Others think they are adorable and keep them as pets. So, ask yourself now: **How do I feel about rats?** ![rats in history](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Rats-in-history.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Rats at the Karni Mata temple in Rajasthan ## **RAT DREAM SCENARIOS INTERPRETED** Now it’s time to explore the different scenarios in which rats manifest in dreams. Again, it is critical for you to consider your own reactions to these vermin before assigning meaning. Psychologically, dreams about rats can represent something negative, like a depressed mood or low self-esteem. But they can also speak to something positive, like surviving a difficult life event or moving past the death of a loved one. It goes without saying that cultural beliefs are very much part of the equation. Here are several popular themes involving rats in dreams. Do any of these resonate? ### **Dead Rat** If you see a dead rat in your dream, it could symbolize the following: - Fears about a recent situation in your life. - Symbolic of ending a friendship with someone close. - Fear of a co-worker who may hold power over your job. - Worries about being caught for something you are hiding. - A secret you are holding that may be exposed to the world. - Victory over one of your enemies. - A spiritual message from beyond that someone has [transitioned from this life](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/) to another. ### **Rats that bite, chew, and scratch** Are your dreams about rats the kind that includes biting, chewing or scratching? Here’s what they could mean: - Fears that someone is out to get you. - Symbolic of someone trying to get your attention. - Worries about disease or illness; particularly if you struggle with something like OCD. - If a rat bites you in a dream, it may symbolize someone you fear. - If a rat scratches you in a dream, it may represent a life issue you aren’t giving enough attention to. - Nibbling rats speak to financial worries. See this post about [money and dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-money-decoded/) to learn more. - When a rat bites your hand in a dream, it may symbolize a friend or family member who betrayed you. - If you dream of a rat biting you in the bathtub, it could speak to fears of being naked. ![running rat in a dream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/rat-running-.jpg?resize=819%2C435&ssl=1)Did a rat chase you? ### **Rats that are chasing you** Did you have a dream about rats chasing you? Were there lots of them? If so, this *may* mean: - Deep anxiety about your personal safety or finances. - Fears around not being able to stay ahead of a life issue. - Life-threatening issues and health scares. - Worries about ending up dead. - Unfinished business with someone you loved [after they died](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/). - Concerns about being betrayed by someone close. - Fears, uncertainty, and doubt about a past decision. - Subconscious fears of disloyalty. - Guilt about something from your past being exposed. - Deeply held worries about being rejected by a lover or sexual mate. ### **Rats that crawl on you** One of the scariest types of dreams involves rats crawling on you. Is this something you can relate to? If so, it could mean the following: - A loss of control regarding your health. - You feel your sexual partner is unclean and needs to do a better job with self-care. - If you find rats under your sheets and they crawl on you, it could speak to worries about a cheating partner. - Thinking you will be exposed as a fraud about something. - Guilt about an affair you had with someone and the truth coming out. - Feeling something awful will happen because of a decision you made. - Overanalyzing a life situation and assigning a bad outcome. - Fears about sabotaging your diet and losing control over food. - Culturally, if you are a [Virgo man in love](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/), it means you are worried about infidelity. - Fears about getting some type of STD from a partner. - General sickness anxiety. ![Fat rat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/rat-chasing-in-a-dream.jpg?resize=707%2C398&ssl=1 "fat rat")Did you see a running rat? ### **Running rats** A variation of being chased is seeing rats running all over the place. Can you relate? Here’s what they could mean in your dream. Be sure to vote in the [poll about rat dreams](http://poll.fm/5zxb4). - Anxiety about being abandoned by friends or family. - Deep fears about not being able to handle a life situation or event. - Subconscious projections about being an imposter. This is known as [imposter syndrome](https://guycounseling.com/e6-imposter-syndrome-podcast/). - A romantic partner abandoning you after learning something unpleasant about your past. - A subconscious belief that you are adopted, even though your family members assure you it’s not true. - Losing your circle of support, such as friends or loved ones. - Worries about losing your job or a loss of income. ## **Rat colors and Dreams** It may seem odd, but some people have dreams about different colored rats. There are too many variations to list on this page but here are a few of the biggies. Next to each, I’ve listed what they may symbolize. - **White rats**: Hope, endurance, strength, spirituality, resilience, and life. - **Black rats**: Death, deception, betrayal, infidelity, evil, aggression, hopelessness, illness and anxiety. - **Brown rats**: Health problems, treachery, weight concerns, body image problems, feeling unattractive and depression. - **Rats with red eyes**: Demons, the afterlife, bad luck, evil, financial concerns about debt, worries about a child. - **Rats with green eyes**: Good luck, happiness, friendship, spirituality, financial success, strong self-esteem. ### **Rat sizes (Fat, Giant and Small)** Many people have dreams about giant rats. Others conjure up images of small ones. Either way, here’s what they could mean: - Fat rat: Deeply held anxiety around weight. Closely guarded secrets. Someone lying to you about who they are. Envy over another person’s position in life. - Giant rat: Worries about being overpowered, feeling deceived or being taken advantage of. Concerns about body weight. - Small rat: Feeling insignificant, small or invisible. Anxiety around being noticed. Concerns about your life station. ## **OTHER RAT DREAM MEANINGS** The truth is there are more meanings that can be assigned to dreams than I can shake a stick at. Because so much depends on how you feel about rats, it’s hard to pinpoint an exact interpretation. That said, here are some other thoughts about what rat-related dreams could mean. It’s best to look at the big picture and remember that the content of your dreams can’t be taken literally. Dreaming about rats could mean: - Fears about not being accepted. - Worries about you or someone you love becoming sick. - Germaphobia and anxiety around disease. - Your general dislike of rats becoming manifested during a dream experience. - An aspect of yourself that you don’t like, mentally projected in the form of a rodent. Examples include the way you look, your personality or attitude. - An addiction you can’t seem to overcome. Examples include alcohol, smoking or drug use. - Being afraid of the future, particularly if you also see [snakes in your dreams](https://guycounseling.com/snake-means-symbolizes-dreams/). ![Rats at Halloween](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/rats-pumpkin.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Rats are popular during Halloween ## **DREAM JOURNAL** One of the best ways of determining the meaning of your dream is to keep a dream journal. Think of this as a tool that you can use to record images and content. Dream journals are easy to create. Just grab a notebook and pen jot everything down that you recall. You can even buy one online that is specifically designed for this task ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2vg1z3p)). In addition to the journal, you may also want to consider picking up a dream dictionary. There are many on the marketplace. One of the best ones you can buy is The Complete Dictionary of Dreams by Lennox ([see Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2nfurnZ)). I like it because it offers tons of insight into various objects and symbols. ## **WRAP UP** Dreaming about rats can be terrifying. But it can also be a sign of good luck. As mentioned earlier, it all depends on how you perceive these creatures during waking hours. Hopefully, the material presented here has given you new insight into what’s going on – deep inside your subconscious. Thanks for stopping by! **References** Times of India. (2008). *Rat mean to be comercialized in Bihar*. Retrieved from Internet Way Back Machine **Categories:** Growth, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Analysis, Dream Interpretation, Dreams, Rats, Rodents, Snakes --- ### [Dreams About Death: What Does Dying in a Dream Mean?](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) **Published:** July 10, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dreams about death and dying in a dream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/dreaming-about-death-meaning.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What do dreams about death mean? Table of Contents Toggle - [Dreams About Death and Dying](#Dreams_About_Death_and_Dying) - [Meaning of Death Dreams](#Meaning_of_Death_Dreams) - [Four Types of Death Dreams](#Four_Types_of_Death_Dreams) - [Quick Credentials and an Important Note](#Quick_Credentials_and_an_Important_Note) - [In This Article, You Will Learn:](#In_This_Article_You_Will_Learn) - [Historical Meanings of Death Dreams](#Historical_Meanings_of_Death_Dreams) - [Psychology of Dying in Dreams](#Psychology_of_Dying_in_Dreams) - [Why Death Dreams Often Symbolize Change](#Why_Death_Dreams_Often_Symbolize_Change) - [The Emotion in the Dream Matters](#The_Emotion_in_the_Dream_Matters) - [Common Themes in Dreams About Death](#Common_Themes_in_Dreams_About_Death) - [1. Dreaming That You Die](#1_Dreaming_That_You_Die) - [Possible Meaning of This Dream](#Possible_Meaning_of_This_Dream) - [2. Dreaming That Someone You Love Dies](#2_Dreaming_That_Someone_You_Love_Dies) - [3. Dreaming That Your Child Dies](#3_Dreaming_That_Your_Child_Dies) - [Possible Meaning of This Dream](#Possible_Meaning_of_This_Dream-2) - [4. Dreaming That a Parent Dies](#4_Dreaming_That_a_Parent_Dies) - [5. Dreaming That a Celebrity Dies](#5_Dreaming_That_a_Celebrity_Dies) - [Possible Meaning of This Dream](#Possible_Meaning_of_This_Dream-3) - [6. Dreaming About Someone Who Is Already Dead](#6_Dreaming_About_Someone_Who_Is_Already_Dead) - [Possible Meaning of This Dream](#Possible_Meaning_of_This_Dream-4) - [7. Recurring Dreams About Death](#7_Recurring_Dreams_About_Death) - [8. Dreaming About Funerals, Coffins, or Cemeteries](#8_Dreaming_About_Funerals_Coffins_or_Cemeteries) - [9. Dreaming That You Are Murdered or Killed](#9_Dreaming_That_You_Are_Murdered_or_Killed) - [Emotional State and Death Dreams](#Emotional_State_and_Death_Dreams) - [Medications, Substances, and Vivid Dreams](#Medications_Substances_and_Vivid_Dreams) - [Can Dreams About Death Predict the Future?](#Can_Dreams_About_Death_Predict_the_Future) - [When Should You Be Concerned About Death Dreams?](#When_Should_You_Be_Concerned_About_Death_Dreams) - [Myths and Urban Legends About Death Dreams](#Myths_and_Urban_Legends_About_Death_Dreams) - [Death Dreams: Questions and Answers](#Death_Dreams_Questions_and_Answers) - [Can I learn anything about myself from a death dream?](#Can_I_learn_anything_about_myself_from_a_death_dream) - [What does it mean when someone dies in your dream?](#What_does_it_mean_when_someone_dies_in_your_dream) - [What does it mean when you die in your own dream?](#What_does_it_mean_when_you_die_in_your_own_dream) - [What does it mean when a dead family member appears?](#What_does_it_mean_when_a_dead_family_member_appears) - [Why do I keep dreaming that my child dies?](#Why_do_I_keep_dreaming_that_my_child_dies) - [Do we enter another dimension while dreaming?](#Do_we_enter_another_dimension_while_dreaming) - [Why did the dream feel so real?](#Why_did_the_dream_feel_so_real) - [A Dream Symbolism Book I Recommend](#A_Dream_Symbolism_Book_I_Recommend) - [Want to Explore Your Dreams More Deeply?](#Want_to_Explore_Your_Dreams_More_Deeply) - [Summing Things Up](#Summing_Things_Up) ## **Dreams About Death and Dying** Dreams about death can feel extremely disturbing. If you have ever dreamed that you suddenly died, you already know how frightening and realistic the experience can seem. The same holds true when your dream involves the death of someone you love, such as a parent, child, partner, sibling, grandparent, or close friend. Talk about intense. Some people dream about a celebrity or public figure dying. Others experience haunting dreams in which a deceased family member suddenly appears as though nothing has happened. Have you ever had one of those dreams? It can be enough to shake you for the rest of the day. **What do dreams about death usually mean?** Dreams about death rarely mean that you or someone you love is going to die. More often, dying in a dream symbolizes change, fear of loss, grief, emotional separation, anxiety, or the ending of one phase of life. The meaning depends on who died, what happened, how the dream felt, and what is changing in your waking life. ## **Meaning of Death Dreams** In my work as a counselor, I have spoken with many people who shared personal dreams involving death, funerals, coffins, accidents, deceased relatives, and other frightening images. Some were moved to tears while telling the story. Others remained emotionally unsettled long after waking. **More:** [What dreams about someone you like may mean](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) The biggest question people ask after sharing one of these dreams is: *What does it mean?* That question inspired this article. The table below offers a quick overview of several common death-dream themes. Afterward, we will explore the symbolism in greater detail. ## Four Types of Death Dreams Four types of death dreams and what they may mean psychologically, symbolically and spiritually | Dream Type | Psychological | Spiritual | Symbolism | |---|---|---|---| | Dying | Internal conflict Fear of dying | Good luck Bad luck Premonition | Transformation | | Family member dies | Fear of loss Abandonment fears Loss of control Unresolved guilt | Bad luck Premonition | Bridge to past | | Celebrity dies | Unrequited love Reaching for unattainable Fantasy projection | Premonition Empathic | Fantasy | | Family member visits | Unfinished business Unresolved grief Comfort Healing | Spiritual communication | Joining | ## **Quick Credentials and an Important Note** Before we go too far, you have a right to know something about the person authoring this article. I hold a PhD in psychology and am a licensed clinical professional counselor. I am also a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist. Apart from my counseling work, I have taught college psychology courses that touch on dreams, symbolism, personality, and human behavior. While I primarily identify as a cognitive behavioral therapist, I also believe that the subconscious mind can reveal emotionally meaningful material through symbols, memories, and metaphors. Over the course of my lifetime, I have spent considerable time studying dreams and their possible meanings. What I have learned is that dream imagery is highly personal. A symbol that means one thing to you may represent something completely different to another person. The interpretations shared here are intended for self-reflection. They are not diagnoses, predictions, or fixed explanations that apply to everyone. ## **In This Article, You Will Learn:** - Why dreams about death rarely predict literal death - Why dying in a dream may symbolize change or transition - Common psychological interpretations of death dreams - How grief and loss influence dream content - What it may mean when someone you love dies in a dream - Why deceased relatives sometimes appear in dreams - How emotions shape the meaning of a dream - Why some medications may contribute to vivid dreams - Common myths and legends about death dreams - When recurring nightmares may deserve professional attention ![historical meanings of dreams about death](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/dreaming-about-death-historical-perspective.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Historical perspectives on death dreams ## **Historical Meanings of Death Dreams** People have been trying to interpret dreams about death for thousands of years. In many ancient cultures, dreaming about death was not automatically viewed as negative. Death could symbolize transformation, rebirth, prosperity, spiritual passage, or the ending of one state of existence. For example, some writings from the Hellenistic period associated dreams about death with change or good fortune. Ancient Egyptian funerary symbolism also connected death with renewal. A coffin or sarcophagus could represent more than a final resting place. It could symbolize a container in which transformation occurred before a new form of existence began. Not all historical interpretations were positive. During parts of the medieval period, dreams involving death were sometimes viewed as warnings, omens, or predictions of misfortune. These beliefs tell us a great deal about how earlier cultures understood mortality, religion, and the unknown. They do not provide scientific proof that dreams can predict future events. One famous story claims that [President Abraham Lincoln](https://guycounseling.com/abraham-lincoln-accomplishments/) dreamed about a funeral at the White House shortly before his assassination. As the story is usually told, Lincoln saw a coffin in the East Room surrounded by mourners and soldiers. When he asked who had died, someone reportedly answered, “The president.” The story has been repeated for generations, but historians disagree about its details and reliability. It is best understood as a piece of historical folklore rather than verified evidence that dreams predict death. Now that we have some historical context, let’s look at death dreams through the lens of psychology. ![psychological meaning of dreams about death](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/historical-meanings-death-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Psychological perspectives on death dreams ## **Psychology of Dying in Dreams** There are more theories about dream interpretation than I can count. The meaning assigned to dream imagery often depends on the interpreter’s psychological framework. A therapist trained in classical Freudian psychoanalysis might explore hidden wishes, fears, childhood experiences, sexuality, or repressed conflict. A Jungian therapist may focus more heavily on archetypes, symbolism, transformation, and what Jung called the [active imagination](https://philpapers.org/rec/CHOJOA-2). Active imagination refers to the way conscious and unconscious material can interact through images, fantasies, stories, and symbols. Other approaches treat dreams as part of ordinary memory processing. From this perspective, the sleeping brain combines recent experiences, emotional concerns, memories, fears, and random imagery into a narrative. I generally take an integrative approach. That means considering: - The dreamer’s emotional state - Recent life changes - Personal associations with the people and objects in the dream - Grief, anxiety, stress, and trauma - Psychological symbolism - Cultural or spiritual beliefs - Sleep quality, substances, and medications Some Indigenous traditions understand dreams as spiritually meaningful and may interpret certain animals, ancestors, or natural symbols as teachers or guides. It is important not to treat Indigenous peoples as though they share one universal belief system. Dream traditions vary significantly across nations, communities, families, and individuals. The most useful interpretation is usually one that respects the dreamer’s cultural background while avoiding claims that cannot be supported. ## **Why Death Dreams Often Symbolize Change** Death is one of the strongest symbols of finality. For that reason, the sleeping mind may use death imagery when something in waking life is ending or changing. This could include: - The end of a relationship - Leaving a job - Moving to a new city - Becoming a parent - Graduating from school - Retiring - Giving up an old habit - Changing a long-held belief - Recovering from an illness - Outgrowing a former identity The dream does not necessarily mean that the change is bad. Sometimes dying in a dream symbolizes letting go of something that no longer serves you. In that sense, death imagery can represent renewal. One version of you ends so that another version can emerge. ## **The Emotion in the Dream Matters** The emotional tone of a dream may be more revealing than the death image itself. Ask yourself how you felt during and immediately after the dream. - **Fear** may reflect anxiety, uncertainty, or loss of control. - **Sadness** may connect with grief, attachment, or anticipated loss. - **Relief** may suggest readiness to let go of a burden. - **Peace** may symbolize acceptance, closure, or transition. - **Guilt** may point toward unfinished emotional business. - **Confusion** may reflect uncertainty about a major life change. - **Anger** may connect with betrayal, helplessness, or unresolved conflict. Two people can dream about the same event and experience completely different meanings because they felt differently inside the dream. ![common types of dreams about death](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/four-types-of-death-dreams.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Common types of death dreams ## **Common Themes in Dreams About Death** Death-related dream content can appear in many forms. Some of the most common include: 1. Dreaming that you die 2. Dreaming that someone you love dies 3. Dreaming that your child dies 4. Dreaming that a parent dies 5. Dreaming that a celebrity dies 6. Dreaming about someone who is already dead 7. Recurring dreams involving funerals, coffins, or cemeteries 8. Dreaming that you are murdered or killed 9. Watching a stranger die The examples below are based on dream stories people have shared with me over the years. Details have been adjusted or paraphrased to protect privacy. There is no single correct interpretation. The possibilities offered are starting points for reflection. ## **1. Dreaming That You Die** > *“I was walking through a misty forest all alone. Suddenly, I felt the presence of someone behind me. When I turned around, it was a knight carrying a sword.* > > *Afraid, I tried to run, but my feet wouldn’t move. As he drew closer, I became paralyzed.* > > *The knight raised his sword and swung it with tremendous force. In a blur, I saw my head being cut off and rolling across the forest floor. When it stopped, I could see my mouth moving and my eyes blinking.”* — Nate, 35 ### **Possible Meaning of This Dream** Several interpretations are possible. Nate was walking alone through a forest. Symbolically, wooded areas may represent uncertainty, mystery, isolation, or entering unfamiliar psychological territory. A knight then appeared. The knight may symbolize authority, conflict, discipline, protection, or an external force that feels powerful. The sword could represent danger, separation, decisiveness, conflict, or the desire to cut something out of one’s life. The paralysis may be especially important. Many people dream that they cannot move when they feel stuck, powerless, or unable to act in waking life. Finally, the decapitation suggests an abrupt and forceful ending. Because the head is associated with thinking and identity, separation of the head from the body could symbolize: - Feeling disconnected from emotions - A wish to stop overthinking - The ending of an old identity - A desire to escape a difficult situation - Feeling divided between logic and instinct The blinking eyes may suggest that awareness continues even after something has ended. In Nate’s case, the dream may reflect an internal struggle and a wish to separate from a painful problem. Other possible meanings include: - Personal transformation - The ending of a difficult life stage - A desire to stop a painful experience - A need to separate from an old identity - Feeling emotionally or psychologically stuck - Fear of death or mortality ## **2. Dreaming That Someone You Love Dies** Dreams about a loved one dying can be especially frightening. They do not usually mean that the person is in danger. Instead, the dream may reflect your attachment to that person, fear of separation, concern about the relationship, or anxiety about an upcoming change. For example, you may dream about a partner dying when: - The relationship feels uncertain - You are afraid of being abandoned - Your partner is traveling or facing a health issue - The relationship is changing - You recently argued - You are becoming more emotionally dependent The dream may also symbolize the ending of a particular version of the relationship rather than the loss of the person. ![dream about a family member or child dying](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/plagarizing-cheating.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams about a loved one dying can reflect fear and attachment ## **3. Dreaming That Your Child Dies** > *“I was driving down the highway with my baby in the back seat. Out of nowhere, an 18-wheeler hit my car head-on. I remember the car flipping and rolling before coming to a stop.* > > *Strangely, I was not injured, and the car appeared intact.* > > *When I turned around to check on my baby, I couldn’t find her. As I frantically searched, I saw a coffin in the rearview mirror.* > > *I tried to open the doors, but they were locked.* > > *Suddenly, a man appeared in the passenger seat. He looked at me with bright green eyes and said, ‘That’s your baby in the casket.’”* — Kim, 31 ### **Possible Meaning of This Dream** Dreams about a child dying are the stuff of nightmares. They are also more common than many parents realize. In this dream, the car accident may symbolize fear of losing control. Cars often represent direction, independence, decision-making, or the course of one’s life. A sudden collision may reflect worry that something unexpected could disrupt that sense of control. Notice that Kim did not actually see her deceased child. She saw a coffin, which served as a symbol of death. The locked doors may represent helplessness, frustration, or being unable to reach someone she desperately wants to protect. The mysterious passenger may represent intuition, fear, a messenger figure, or the part of the mind that gives frightening thoughts a human form. The dream could reflect: - Fear of failing as a parent - Anxiety about keeping a child safe - Loss of control - Guilt about parenting decisions - Fear of separation as the child grows - Awareness that a stage of childhood is ending When parents dream that a child dies, the “death” may symbolize development. The infant becomes a toddler. The child begins school. The teenager becomes independent. Each stage involves the symbolic ending of an earlier version of the child and of the parent-child relationship. ## **4. Dreaming That a Parent Dies** Dreams about a mother or father dying may reflect fear of literal loss, especially if the parent is aging or ill. They may also symbolize a shift in your own role. For example, a parent-death dream may occur when: - You are becoming more independent - You are taking on caregiving responsibilities - You are becoming a parent yourself - You are reevaluating childhood beliefs - You are separating emotionally from family expectations - You are worried about aging and mortality The dream may represent the changing influence of the parent rather than physical death. A father may symbolize authority, protection, rules, or approval. A mother may symbolize nurturing, emotional security, home, or attachment. The dream’s meaning depends on your personal relationship with that parent. ## **5. Dreaming That a Celebrity Dies** ![dreaming about a celebrity dying](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/famous-person-died-interpretation.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams about someone famous dying > *“A few friends were at my house watching television. Suddenly, the program was interrupted by a special report.* > > *The news anchor announced that a member of the royal family had died. As we watched, I saw Prince Harry’s face.* > > *I had always had a crush on him. When I woke up, I was extremely upset. Then I realized it had only been a dream.”* — Debbie, 25 ### **Possible Meaning of This Dream** Dreams about a crush or celebrity can have many meanings. Celebrities often represent ideals, fantasies, ambitions, status, beauty, success, sexuality, or qualities we admire. A dream in which a celebrity dies may symbolize the ending of an idealized fantasy. It could also reflect: - A changing idea of romance - Fear that something desired will remain unavailable - Letting go of unrealistic expectations - Feelings of inadequacy - The end of a particular fascination - Transformation in how you see yourself In this case, Prince Harry may symbolize more than a famous person. He may represent romantic possibility, status, attractiveness, escape, or a life that feels out of reach. His death in the dream may symbolize an emotional shift rather than anything involving the actual person. ## **6. Dreaming About Someone Who Is Already Dead** ![dreaming about someone who has already died](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/dead-family-member-dream-meaning.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams about someone who has already died > *“My mom died ten years ago. I had never dreamed about her before, but recently she started appearing while I sleep.* > > *It’s strange because I’m not afraid. She never says anything. I just see her in my kitchen making breakfast.* > > *When I wake up, I have mixed feelings. Part of me misses her. Another part wonders why she is appearing now.”* — Dexter, 45 ### **Possible Meaning of This Dream** It is not unusual for deceased family members to appear in dreams months or even years after their death. Sometimes the dream is connected to grief. A birthday, holiday, family event, move, illness, or major life transition may reactivate memories of the person. In Dexter’s dream, his mother is preparing breakfast in the kitchen. This is a familiar and comforting scene. The kitchen may symbolize home, nurturing, safety, family, or emotional nourishment. His mother’s silence may not indicate anything negative. Her presence alone may be the important part. Possible interpretations include: - Longing for comfort or guidance - Reactivation of grief - A need for emotional reassurance - Remembering a familiar family routine - Unresolved feelings - Processing a major life transition Some people understand these experiences as visitation dreams in which the deceased person makes spiritual contact. Others view them as emotionally meaningful productions of memory and grief. Science cannot confirm that a deceased person is literally communicating through a dream. At the same time, the comfort and meaning a dream provides can still feel very real to the dreamer. ## **7. Recurring Dreams About Death** A single death dream may be upsetting, but recurring dreams can become exhausting. Repeated death imagery may be associated with: - Ongoing stress - Grief - Trauma - Anxiety - Major life transitions - Fear of illness - Sleep disruption - Medication or substance effects - Repeated exposure to disturbing news or media The exact content matters. Are you always the person who dies? Is it the same loved one? Does the dream take place in the same location? Do you feel fear, relief, guilt, or peace? Writing down the dream immediately after waking may help you identify patterns. ## **8. Dreaming About Funerals, Coffins, or Cemeteries** A dream does not need to show someone dying to focus on death. Funerals, coffins, graves, cemeteries, hearses, and mourning rituals may symbolize: - Closure - Grief - The ending of a relationship - Letting go of the past - Fear of being forgotten - Unresolved sadness - A transition into a new life stage The condition of the setting can also matter. A peaceful funeral may suggest acceptance. An empty funeral may reflect loneliness or fear that others do not understand your loss. A sealed coffin may symbolize something emotionally hidden or unfinished. An open grave may represent anxiety about an ending that has not yet fully occurred. ## **9. Dreaming That You Are Murdered or Killed** Dreams involving murder or violent death may feel especially frightening. They may reflect: - Feeling attacked or betrayed - Loss of personal power - Fear of someone’s anger - Pressure to change - A desire to end part of your identity - Trauma-related imagery The identity of the attacker may be important, but it should not always be interpreted literally. A known person may represent what that person means to you rather than an actual threat. If the dream connects with real-life abuse, threats, stalking, or violence, prioritize safety and seek appropriate professional help. ![emotions and dreams about death](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/grief-loss-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams are influenced by emotions and mood ## **Emotional State and Death Dreams** Dreams often reflect our emotional state. If you are sad, anxious, overwhelmed, or grieving, it makes sense that your dream content may become darker or more intense. Death-related imagery may appear more frequently when someone is experiencing: - Depression - Anxiety - Grief - Relationship stress - Health anxiety - Trauma - Work pressure - Major life changes If you recently lost someone, sadness and longing may show up in your mind’s nightly imagery. This does not mean anything is wrong with you. Dreaming about the deceased can be part of the mind’s ongoing attempt to process attachment and loss. Some people experience an extreme fear of death known as *thanatophobia*. When fear of mortality occupies a great deal of waking thought, it may also appear in dreams. ## **Medications, Substances, and Vivid Dreams** Certain medications may contribute to vivid dreams or nightmares in some people. Examples may include certain: - Antidepressants - Blood-pressure medications - Sleep medications - Stimulants - Medications that affect the nervous system The relationship between medication and dreams varies considerably from person to person. Do not stop taking a prescribed medication because of a dream. If vivid or recurring nightmares began after starting a medication or changing a dose, speak with the prescribing healthcare professional. Alcohol, cannabis, psychedelics, stimulants, and other substances may also alter sleep architecture and dream intensity. Withdrawal from alcohol, cannabis, or certain medications may produce especially vivid dreams. ## **Can Dreams About Death Predict the Future?** There is no reliable scientific evidence that dreams can consistently predict literal future deaths. Many people have dreams that feel prophetic, especially when something similar later happens in waking life. These experiences can be emotionally powerful. But humans naturally remember striking coincidences more clearly than the thousands of dreams that do not correspond with later events. Dreams may also reflect subtle observations that have not reached conscious awareness. For example, you may dream about someone being ill after unconsciously noticing changes in the person’s behavior, energy, or appearance. That is different from supernatural prediction. Spiritual and cultural beliefs remain important to many dreamers. Some people understand certain dreams as warnings, messages, or intuitive experiences. You are free to interpret your dream through your personal beliefs. The safest approach is not to treat a death dream as proof that someone is going to die. ## **When Should You Be Concerned About Death Dreams?** Most dreams about death are not dangerous. Consider speaking with a mental health or healthcare professional when: - Nightmares repeatedly interrupt your sleep - You become afraid to go to bed - The dreams are connected to trauma - You experience panic or severe distress after waking - Your daytime functioning is affected - You recently began a new medication - You are coping with severe grief or depression - The dream content includes urges to harm yourself or someone else A therapist cannot provide a universal dictionary definition of your dream. What therapy can do is help you explore the emotions, memories, fears, and life events connected with it. ![myths about dreams of death and dying](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/therapist-for-men-guy-counseling-life-coaching-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Common myths about death dreams ## **Myths and Urban Legends About Death Dreams** Many myths and legends surround dreams involving death. Here are several of the most common: - If you die in a dream, you will die in real life - If you hit the ground while falling in a dream, you will not wake up - Dreaming about your death is always predictive - Coffins always symbolize bad luck - [Amber eyes in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) prove the presence of evil spirits - Dreaming about someone who died means the person is a ghost - Dreaming about a parent dying means the event will happen soon - Every dream takes place in another dimension - [Pisces men](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) are automatically gifted dream interpreters These ideas may be interesting as folklore, but they should not be treated as established facts. ![questions and answers about dreams of death](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnosis-in-chicago-for-stress.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Questions and answers about death dreams ## **Death Dreams: Questions and Answers** ### **Can I learn anything about myself from a death dream?** Possibly. Dreams can reflect fears, worries, attachments, conflicts, and changes that you may not be fully addressing while awake. Rather than asking only, “What does death mean?” consider asking: - What is ending or changing in my life? - Who died in the dream, and what does that person represent to me? - What emotion was strongest? - Did the dream feel frightening, peaceful, sad, or relieving? - What happened in the days before the dream? ### **What does it mean when someone dies in your dream?** It often reflects fear of losing that person, changes in the relationship, emotional distance, grief, or anxiety. The person may also represent a quality, role, or life stage that is changing within you. ### **What does it mean when you die in your own dream?** Dreaming about your own death may symbolize transformation, loss of control, anxiety about mortality, or the ending of an identity or life stage. It does not usually mean that you are going to die. ### **What does it mean when a dead family member appears?** The dream may be part of grief, memory, emotional longing, or a need for comfort. Some people understand these dreams spiritually as visits from the deceased. Others see them as the brain reconnecting with emotionally important memories. ### **Why do I keep dreaming that my child dies?** These dreams may reflect parental anxiety, fear of failing to protect the child, concern about change, or awareness that the child is becoming more independent. Recurring dreams that cause severe distress may be worth discussing with a therapist. ### **Do we enter another dimension while dreaming?** Science has not established that dreams take place in another dimension. Some spiritual traditions believe that sleep allows access to other realities, ancestors, or forms of consciousness. These are matters of faith and personal belief rather than scientifically confirmed facts. ### **Why did the dream feel so real?** Dreams can activate emotional and sensory systems in ways that make the experience feel vivid. You may wake with a racing heart, tears, physical tension, or a strong sense that the event actually happened. The realism of the dream does not prove that it was predictive. ## **A Dream Symbolism Book I Recommend** ### Want to Explore Your Dreams More Deeply? If you are interested in learning more about dream symbols—including death, funerals, deceased relatives, animals, relationships, and other recurring themes—one resource worth exploring is *The Complete Dream Book* by Gillian Holloway. I like this book because it is easy to navigate and offers possible interpretations without requiring you to have a background in psychology. It should be used as a starting point rather than a rigid dictionary because personal associations always matter. [**View The Complete Dream Book on Amazon**](https://www.amazon.com/dp/140220700X/?tag=guycounseling-20) *As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases.* ## **Summing Things Up** Dreams about death and dying are common. They can feel frightening, vivid, and emotionally overwhelming, but they rarely predict literal death. More often, these dreams are connected to: - Change - Grief - Fear of loss - Anxiety - Relationship transitions - Identity changes - The ending of a life stage - The need to let go of something When trying to understand your dream, pay attention to the people, setting, symbols, and emotions involved. Most importantly, consider what is happening in your waking life. Dream interpretation is not an exact science. No book, therapist, website, or spiritual advisor can tell you with certainty what every symbol means. Use your cultural background, personal experiences, emotions, and beliefs to explore the dream with curiosity. Sometimes a dream about death is not really about death at all. It may be about transformation—and the possibility of something new beginning. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling. **References** Chodorow, J. C. (1997). *Jung on Active Imagination.* Mark, J. J. (2017). *The Coffin Texts.* World History Encyclopedia. Shushan, G. (2006). Greek and Egyptian dreams in two Ptolemaic archives: Individual and cultural layers of meaning. *Dreaming*, 16, 129–142. **Categories:** Psychology **Tags:** Death Dreams, Dream Interpretation, Dreams, Grief, Jung, Psychology, Symbolism --- ### [Creatine May Help Fight Depression, But Scientists Say It’s Too Soon to Call It a Treatment](https://guycounseling.com/creatine-depression-research/) **Published:** July 9, 2026 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![creatine powder and depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/creatine-powder-depression.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Can Creatine Lift Your Depression? *By Guy Counseling Staff \| July 9, 2026* Creatine is already one of the most popular supplements in the fitness world, mostly known for helping with strength, muscle performance, and workout recovery. But a new scientific review is raising a different question: could creatine also play a role in treating depression? The short answer: maybe — but the evidence is not strong enough yet to call creatine a depression treatment. A new review published in *Brain Medicine* looked at existing clinical trials on creatine and depression. The researchers found early signs that creatine may help some people when used alongside standard depression treatments, but the overall picture was mixed. That matters because depression remains one of the most common mental health challenges men face, even if many guys still avoid talking about it. If you want more background on symptoms, warning signs, and support options, Guy Counseling has a guide on [male depression](https://guycounseling.com/male-depression/). ## What the Review Found The review looked at five randomized controlled trials involving 238 participants. In those studies, 126 people received creatine and 112 received a placebo. Most of the participants were women, and two of the studies included only women. Two studies found that creatine appeared to help when added to other treatments. In one trial, people taking creatine along with the antidepressant escitalopram showed stronger improvement in depressive symptoms than people taking escitalopram with a placebo. Another study found better symptom reduction when creatine was combined with cognitive behavioral therapy. But the other three trials did not find a meaningful benefit. One looked at people whose depression had not responded well to medication. Another involved adolescent girls. A third studied people with bipolar disorder experiencing depression. That mixed result is the key point. Creatine may have potential, but the science is not settled. ## Why Creatine Might Affect Mood Creatine helps cells produce and recycle energy. That is why it has been so popular in gyms for decades. Muscles need energy to perform, and creatine can support that process. But the brain is also an energy-hungry organ. Researchers are interested in whether changes in brain energy metabolism may play a role in depression for some people. If creatine helps support cellular energy, it is reasonable for scientists to ask whether it could affect mood as well. There is also interest in how creatine may interact with brain chemicals involved in mood regulation, including serotonin and dopamine. But that does not mean creatine has been proven to treat depression. It means researchers have a biological reason to keep studying it. ## Why Men May Pay Attention This topic will probably catch the eye of a lot of men because creatine is already familiar. It is not some obscure lab compound. It is widely available, relatively inexpensive, and commonly used by guys who lift weights, train, or care about performance. That said, familiar does not automatically mean appropriate for depression. Supplements can affect people differently, especially if someone is taking medication, has bipolar disorder, has kidney concerns, or is dealing with other health issues. The review also noted a safety concern in the bipolar disorder trial: two participants who received creatine developed hypomania or mania. That does not mean creatine causes mania in everyone with bipolar disorder, but it is a reminder that mood disorders are complex and supplements should not be treated casually. **Important:** Creatine should not be used as a replacement for therapy, medication, crisis support, or professional mental health care. If you are dealing with depression, talk with a licensed health professional before adding any supplement. ## What This Does Not Mean This does not mean men should start taking creatine to self-treat depression. It also does not mean creatine works like an antidepressant. The studies reviewed were small, varied in quality, and did not all point in the same direction. Some showed promise. Others showed no clear advantage over placebo. That is why the researchers are calling for larger, longer studies. Future research may help answer important questions, including who might benefit, what dose may be useful, whether men and women respond differently, and whether creatine works better when paired with exercise, therapy, or medication. ## The Guy Counseling Takeaway Creatine is worth watching as part of the growing conversation around brain energy, mood, and depression. For men, that conversation is especially important because depression can show up as irritability, withdrawal, low motivation, anger, fatigue, substance use, or loss of interest in things that used to matter. If future research confirms a benefit, creatine could become one more tool in a larger depression treatment plan. But right now, it belongs in the “interesting but not proven” category. The smart move is not to chase a quick fix. It is to look at depression from multiple angles: sleep, movement, nutrition, therapy, medication when appropriate, social support, and honest conversations with people who can help. Creatine may eventually have a place in that picture. For now, the research says: promising, not conclusive. **Source:** [ScienceDaily / Genomic Press](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2026/06/260630020231.htm). The review, “Creatine as a treatment for depression,” was published in *Brain Medicine*. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** brain health, creatine, depression research, male depression, men’s mental health, Supplements --- ### [Best Hair Dye for Men: 15 Options for Gray Hair and Natural Color](https://guycounseling.com/hair-color-dyes-men/) **Published:** July 9, 2026 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![man with natural-looking gray hair color](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/color-grey-hair-men.jpg?resize=646%2C444&ssl=1)A little gray, styled well, can look great — but plenty of guys prefer more control over their color Table of Contents Toggle - [Best Hair Dye for Men Revealed](#Best_Hair_Dye_for_Men_Revealed) - [Quick Picks: Best Hair Dye for Men by Need](#Quick_Picks_Best_Hair_Dye_for_Men_by_Need) - [Why Men Use Hair Dye](#Why_Men_Use_Hair_Dye) - [Do You Actually Need Hair Dye?](#Do_You_Actually_Need_Hair_Dye) - [Permanent vs. Semi-Permanent vs. Gradual Color](#Permanent_vs_Semi-Permanent_vs_Gradual_Color) - [How to Choose the Right Shade](#How_to_Choose_the_Right_Shade) - [How to Avoid Fake-Looking Hair Color](#How_to_Avoid_Fake-Looking_Hair_Color) - [Hair Dye vs. Beard Dye](#Hair_Dye_vs_Beard_Dye) - [DIY Hair Coloring Tips for Men](#DIY_Hair_Coloring_Tips_for_Men) - [Best Hair Dyes for Men — 15 Options](#Best_Hair_Dyes_for_Men_%E2%80%94_15_Options) - [FAQ: Hair Dye for Men](#FAQ_Hair_Dye_for_Men) - [Wrap-Up](#Wrap-Up) ## Best Hair Dye for Men Revealed Looking for the **best hair dye for men**? Trying to [cover your grays](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378512214003259) without it looking obvious? Hoping to look a little more like yourself — just a few years younger? If so, you’re in good company. More men than ever are using hair dye and gray-blending products, whether they’re job hunting, dating, or just want to feel like they’re putting their best face forward. There’s nothing to overthink here — it’s a grooming choice, plain and simple, and it’s become a completely normal part of the men’s personal care world. This guide covers everything you need to know: how to tell if you actually need hair dye, how to pick the right shade, the difference between permanent and gradual color, and 15 solid product options to consider — including a few that work well even though they’re marketed to women. Hair is hair, and some of the best formulas out there just happen to have a woman’s face on the box. ## **Quick Picks: Best Hair Dye for Men by Need** - **Best gradual gray blending:** Just For Men Control GX Shampoo — worth considering if you want color to build slowly with no obvious “dye day” - **Best natural-looking permanent color:** Vidal Sassoon Hair Color — a salon-quality option that may be a good fit for full gray coverage - **Best for sensitive scalps:** Indus Valley Botanical Hair Colour — formulated as a gentler botanical option that may appeal to men with sensitive scalps - **Best foam application:** John Frieda Precision Foam Color — an easy, low-mess option for guys who want quick, even coverage - **Best for black hair:** Softsheen-Carson Dark & Natural Shampoo — a gentler, gradual option worth considering for deeper natural tones - **Best for root touch-ups:** Black Colored Hair Gel for Roots — a simple option for guys who only need to target regrowth - **Best for subtle salt-and-pepper blending:** John Frieda Hair Glaze — worth a look if you just want to soften a handful of grays, not eliminate them ## Why Men Use Hair Dye There’s no single reason guys reach for hair color. Some are heading back into the dating scene. Some are interviewing for jobs in competitive fields. Others just don’t feel like their gray matches how they feel on the inside yet. All of that is completely valid. The men’s grooming space has grown into a massive industry for a reason — everything from the best [face masks for men](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/) to fixes for [under-eye bags and wrinkles](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) is mainstream now. Hair coloring fits right into that same category — a tool, not a confession. One thing worth knowing upfront: **a product being marketed specifically to men doesn’t automatically make it the best choice for your hair.** ![beard dye kit next to a hair color kit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Beard dye and scalp hair dye aren’t always interchangeable In my own experience, some of the coloring products I’ve had the best luck with weren’t marketed to men at all. I’ve also found that [Just For Men’s beard coloring products](https://guycounseling.com/just-for-men-beard-dye-review/) work great, but their traditional hair dyes haven’t been my favorite — in my experience they’ve left hair on the drier side and the tone hasn’t always set in the way I wanted. Your mileage may vary, and plenty of guys do well with them. The exception, in my opinion, is their **Control GX** shampoo, which gradually shifts color over time rather than dyeing all at once ([see current price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3BEkMyp)). The bigger point: several of the strongest options on this list are technically marketed to women. That doesn’t matter. Once the box is open, the formula works the same way on your hair as it does on anyone else’s. ## Do You Actually Need Hair Dye? Before buying anything, it’s worth figuring out whether you need full coloring at all — or something lighter. Ask yourself: - How many grays do you actually have? - How well do they blend with your current hair color already? - What look are you going for — fully covered, or just softened? For more on reading your situation, check out this guide on [handling gray hair as a man](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/). ![man with natural gray hair, uncolored](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/ryan-reynolds-grey-hair-619x381.png?resize=619%2C381&ssl=1)Some guys skip dye entirely — gray can look great with the right cut and style ### Just a Few Gray Hairs If you’ve only got a handful of grays, you probably don’t need a full coloring process. A glaze designed to deposit temporary, subtle tone is usually enough. One worth considering is John Frieda Hair Glaze ([check Amazon for current price](https://amzn.to/2TGo1NM)). It doesn’t permanently deposit color — instead, it coats the hair shaft with a natural sheen (brown or blond, depending on the bottle) that gradually washes out. Think of it as camouflage rather than a dye job. Shower and condition as normal, then work a quarter-sized amount through your palms and distribute evenly through the top and sides of your hair. Let it sit for two to three minutes, then rinse. The result: richer, deeper tone overall. You’ll still have some gray, but it’ll read as far more muted and blended. This one can be tough to find in stores, so ordering online is usually the more reliable route. If you use it regularly, it’s worth keeping a backup bottle on hand so you don’t run out mid-routine. ### Lots of Gray Hair If a large portion of your hair — especially on top or at the sides — has turned gray or white, full coloring may make more sense than a glaze. You’ve got two main paths: doing it yourself, or seeing a stylist. If you go the stylist route, keep a few things in mind: - Choose a stylist who’s genuinely comfortable with men’s hair and coloring, not just cuts. - Ask for a shade that matches your natural color as closely as possible. Don’t let anyone talk you into something dramatically different — it tends to look mismatched against your eyebrows and facial hair. - Unless jet black is your natural shade, avoid it. On most men, it reads as artificial rather than natural. - Get recommendations from friends or solid reviews rather than picking at random. - Confirm the stylist has real experience coloring and shaping men’s hair specifically. ## Permanent vs. Semi-Permanent vs. Gradual Color Not all hair color works the same way, and picking the right type matters as much as picking the right shade: - **Permanent color** changes the hair shaft itself and lasts until it grows out. Best for guys with significant gray who want full, long-lasting coverage. - **Semi-permanent color** (like glazes or toners) sits closer to the surface and fades gradually over several washes. Good for guys who want a softer, lower-commitment change. - **Gradual color** (like Control GX-style shampoos) builds color slowly with regular use. This tends to be the easiest option for beginners, since there’s no dramatic “before and after” moment — and much less room for a visible mistake. ## How to Choose the Right Shade This is where a lot of guys go wrong. A few rules of thumb: - **When in doubt, go one shade lighter than you think you need.** Box dyes tend to deposit darker than the model on the packaging, and lighter shades generally look more natural against skin that’s aged along with the gray. - **Factor in your eyebrows and facial hair.** If your beard or brows are still dark and your hair color doesn’t match, it can look disjointed. Aim for something that sits reasonably close to your natural tones across the board. - **Unless jet black is genuinely your natural color, skip it.** It’s one of the most common ways men’s hair color ends up looking fake. - **Gray blending often looks more natural than full coverage.** Leaving a bit of your natural gray in the mix — rather than eliminating it completely — tends to read as more authentic and age-appropriate. ## How to Avoid Fake-Looking Hair Color The most common giveaway isn’t the color itself — it’s uniformity. Hair that’s one flat, solid tone all over rarely looks natural, because real hair (even hair with a lot of gray) has variation in it. A few ways to avoid the “obviously dyed” look: - Choose a shade that’s close to (or slightly lighter than) your natural color. - Consider leaving some gray blended in rather than covering every strand. - Avoid jet black unless it’s truly your natural shade. - Touch up roots regularly rather than letting a hard line develop, then re-dyeing everything at once. - If you’re coloring a large area for the first time, consider a gradual product over a one-shot permanent dye — it’s harder to overdo. ## Hair Dye vs. Beard Dye It’s tempting to assume any dye works anywhere on your face, but hair dye and beard dye are formulated differently and **aren’t always interchangeable.** Beard dye is typically designed for shorter, coarser hair and closer contact with facial skin, which is more sensitive than your scalp in most cases. Scalp hair dye formulas aren’t necessarily made with that same sensitivity in mind. If you’re coloring both your hair and your beard, it’s worth using products designed for each area rather than assuming one will do double duty. It’s also worth trying to keep the two reasonably close in tone — a colored head of hair next to a naturally gray beard (or vice versa) can look mismatched. **Safety Note — Patch Test First:** Men should do a patch test before using any hair dye, especially if they have sensitive skin, allergies, eczema, scalp irritation, or have reacted to a dye product before. Always follow the product instructions, and avoid applying dye to broken or irritated skin. Ideally, run a patch test about 48 hours before your planned application. I can’t emphasize enough how important this is. Don’t skip the patch test guys. ## DIY Hair Coloring Tips for Men If you’re comfortable doing it yourself, coloring your hair at home is a lot more approachable than it sounds — and considerably cheaper than a salon visit. Here’s a short video walking through the basics: A few practical hacks that make the process cleaner and easier: - Dab a small amount of petroleum jelly along your hairline where your forehead meets your hair — this keeps dye from staining your skin. - Apply the same jelly around your earlobes. - Add a bit to the nape of your neck too. The jelly makes it much easier to wipe away any dye that bleeds onto skin as it sets, instead of scrubbing it off later. It also helps to keep a stack of old cotton t-shirts cut into rags nearby for wiping up excess — cotton absorbs better than polyester, and you won’t mind tossing them afterward. ![man with a small amount of early gray hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/greying-hairs.jpg?resize=624%2C381&ssl=1)Even a small amount of gray can be softened without a full dye job ## Best Hair Dyes for Men — 15 Options Below are 15 products worth considering, covering a range of needs — from full coverage to gradual blending to sensitive-scalp formulas. Some are marketed to men, some aren’t. Once it’s off the shelf and in your bathroom, that distinction stops mattering. Quick transparency note: some of the links below are Amazon affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission if you purchase through them — at no extra cost to you. ### 1. Revlon Luxurious Silk **Best for:** guys who want to avoid ammonia and keep hair from drying out. **Why men may like it:** the argan oil conditioner helps keep hair moisturized, and the color tends to land close to a natural shade rather than looking flat. **Watch-outs:** like most box dyes, results vary depending on your starting hair color — check the shade chart carefully before buying. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2TAne0L) ### 2. L’Oréal Superior Preference **Best for:** straightforward application and easy touch-ups. **Why men may like it:** the mousse-style formula is simple to apply, and any leftover product can typically be stored for later touch-ups. **Watch-outs:** as with most permanent dyes, follow the timing instructions closely to avoid over-processing. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3DpTFrZ) ### 3. Clairol Natural Instincts **Best for:** a natural-looking result in dark or light brown shades. **Why men may like it:** it’s formulated to avoid a flat, artificial finish, and comes with a conditioner in the box. **Watch-outs:** shade selection matters a lot here — go lighter than you think if you’re unsure. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2FHgTNZ) ### 4. Indus Valley Botanical Hair Colour **Best for:** sensitive scalps. **Why men may like it:** formulated without PPD, peroxide, or ammonia, which may make it a gentler option for scalps prone to irritation or dryness. **Watch-outs:** “natural” formulas can sometimes take longer to process or deposit less intensely than conventional dyes — read the instructions closely. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4vqZzAC) ### 5. Garnier Nutrisse Nourishing Hair Color Crème **Best for:** a soft, natural-looking finish with added shine. **Why men may like it:** in my experience, this one has held up well without drying out the hair shaft, and it’s widely available at most drugstores. **Watch-outs:** as with any crème dye, do a strand test first if you’re unsure how your hair will take the color. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4h6f5hz) ![man with well-blended salt-and-pepper hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/rick-f-grey.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Salt-and-pepper blending is a great look when it’s done right ### 6. John Frieda Precision Foam Color **Best for:** mess-free, even application. **Why men may like it:** the non-drip foam is easy to work through gray areas and roots, and the color tends to last, meaning fewer touch-ups per month. **Watch-outs:** foam formulas can feel different to apply than crèmes at first — follow the included instructions for full coverage. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Qh4ULf) ### 7. Vidal Sassoon Hair Color **Best for:** full, salon-quality gray coverage. **Why men may like it:** it’s formulated for 100% gray coverage with rich, permanent tones that tend not to look flat or artificial. **Watch-outs:** because it’s a strong permanent formula, shade selection matters — err on the lighter side. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4pl8hPu) ### 8. Schwarzkopf Keratin Color Cream **Best for:** guys worried about dryness or damage. **Why men may like it:** the keratin infusion is designed to support hair health during coloring, and several men have reported good shine afterward. **Watch-outs:** results can vary depending on how porous or damaged your hair already is. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3xm7dAV) ### 9. Clairol Perfect 10 **Best for:** a quick, salon-quality result at home. **Why men may like it:** it processes fast, blends evenly into roots, and doesn’t carry the strong chemical smell some dyes have. **Watch-outs:** it’s on the pricier side compared to standard box dyes. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/44TFvf8) ### 10. Softsheen-Carson Dark & Natural Shampoo **Best for:** gradually deepening color, especially for black or very dark hair. **Why men may like it:** it deposits color gently over repeated use rather than all at once, which can feel lower-risk for beginners. **Watch-outs:** follow up with a good conditioner, since gradual-color shampoos can be drying with frequent use. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2LzHKLd) ![man choosing a hair color that fits his lifestyle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/chicago-sports-hypnosis.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Match your color choice to your lifestyle and maintenance tolerance ### 11. Bigen EZ Color for Men **Best for:** a simple, no-drip application without ammonia or peroxide. **Why men may like it:** the formula deposits color cleanly and may be worth considering if you’re sensitive to harsher chemical dyes. **Watch-outs:** it can be harder to find in physical stores — ordering online is usually the more reliable route. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/4fsJ7ed) ### 12. Just For Men Control GX Shampoo **Best for:** the easiest possible entry point into gray blending. **Why men may like it:** it’s not a traditional dye — it’s a shampoo that gradually fades gray as you use it over time, which makes it nearly impossible to overdo. Pairing it with a [quality men’s conditioner](https://guycounseling.com/hair-solaye-conditioner-review/) can help offset any dryness. **Watch-outs:** results build slowly, so it’s not the right choice if you want an immediate, dramatic change. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2BDklnM) ### 13. Gray-Targeting Hair Gel **Best for:** guys who want a subtle salt-and-pepper look without a formal dye. **Why men may like it:** it gradually fades grays toward your natural tone rather than depositing dye, and can also add some thickness to the appearance of hair over time. **Watch-outs:** since there’s no dye involved, don’t expect dramatic or fast results — this is a slow-build option. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2V93NwH) ### 14. Black Colored Hair Gel for Roots **Best for:** quick root touch-ups between full colorings. **Why men may like it:** it targets just the regrowth line without requiring a full re-dye, which is useful for stretching out time between full applications. **Watch-outs:** it’s a temporary fix, not a permanent color — and can be tricky to find in stores. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3BBGt1M) ### 15. Clairol Age Defy Coloring **Best for:** full-head coverage on stubborn, resistant grays. **Why men may like it:** it’s built specifically for tougher gray coverage and includes an antioxidant-infused conditioning treatment to help offset dryness. **Watch-outs:** it’s a full permanent color, so shade selection and timing matter more here than with gradual products. [Check price on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3R14PwI) ## ![FAQs for men's hair dye coloring](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/two-attractive-men-meeting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## FAQ: Hair Dye for Men ### What is the best hair dye for men? There’s no single “best” — it depends on your goals. For full gray coverage, a permanent option like Vidal Sassoon Hair Color may be a good fit. For an easier, lower-risk entry point, a gradual product like Just For Men Control GX is often worth considering first. ### How can men cover gray hair naturally? The most natural-looking results usually come from choosing a shade one notch lighter than you think you need, avoiding jet black unless it’s your true natural color, and considering gray blending instead of full coverage. ### Should men use beard dye on their hair? Generally, no. Beard dye and scalp hair dye are formulated differently, and beard formulas aren’t always designed with scalp sensitivity in mind. It’s best to use products designed for each area. ### How often should men dye their hair? This depends on the product and how fast your hair grows. Permanent dyes typically need touch-ups every four to six weeks as roots grow in. Gradual products, like color-building shampoos, are used more frequently but require far less precision. ### How can men avoid fake-looking hair color? Go lighter rather than darker, skip jet black unless it’s natural for you, consider leaving some gray blended in, and stay on top of root touch-ups so a hard line doesn’t develop. ### Is hair dye safe for sensitive scalps? Many men with sensitive scalps do fine with hair dye, but it’s important to patch test first and consider ammonia-free or PPD-free formulas, like Indus Valley Botanical Hair Colour. If you have eczema, active irritation, or a history of reactions, talk to a dermatologist before applying any dye. ## Wrap-Up Going gray is a natural part of life, and there’s more than one right way to handle it. Some guys like a fully blended salt-and-pepper look. Others prefer full, even color. Neither is more “correct” than the other — it comes down to what makes you feel like yourself. If you’re new to coloring, give yourself room to experiment. What works well for one guy’s hair won’t necessarily work the same way for yours, and it can take a product or two to find your match. That’s a normal part of the process, not a sign you’re doing it wrong. **Related Posts:** [Men’s skincare routine made easy](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) [Best face creams and lotions for men](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) [25 best colognes for men, made simple](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Affiliate, Grey Hair, Hair, Hair Coloring, Hair Dyes --- ### [What Dreams About Your Crush Mean](https://guycounseling.com/what-dreams-about-crush-mean/) **Published:** July 9, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dreaming about my crush](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/dreaming-about-my-crush.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1) Eric, 34, hadn’t had a dream stick with him in years. Then one night his brain served up a coworker he’d never so much as flirted with, taking his hand at a party that didn’t exist and telling him she’d been waiting for him to notice her. He woke up rattled — not because it was weird, but because it felt *specific*. He spent the next two days low-key spiraling about what it meant. Sound familiar? If a dream about your crush has been living rent-free in your head, you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not psychic. Here’s what’s actually going on up there, plus 25 of the most common crush-dream scenarios and what they tend to be about. The TL;DR A dream about your crush is almost always about *you*, not them — your desire for connection, your fear of rejection, or some unmet need doing laps in the back of your brain. One dream doesn’t mean much on its own. A pattern across several? That’s worth a second look. Table of Contents Toggle - [Wait, Why Do We Even Dream About Our Crushes?](#Wait_Why_Do_We_Even_Dream_About_Our_Crushes) - [25 Crush Dreams, Decoded](#25_Crush_Dreams_Decoded) - [The Classics](#The_Classics) - [The Ones That Sting](#The_Ones_That_Sting) - [The Feel-Good Ones](#The_Feel-Good_Ones) - [The People You Didn’t See Coming](#The_People_You_Didnt_See_Coming) - [The Weird, Dark Corner](#The_Weird_Dark_Corner) - [The Everyday Weird Ones](#The_Everyday_Weird_Ones) - [What Eric Figured Out](#What_Eric_Figured_Out) - [Want to Nerd Out on Dream Meaning Even More?](#Want_to_Nerd_Out_on_Dream_Meaning_Even_More) - [Quick FAQ](#Quick_FAQ) ## Wait, Why Do We Even Dream About Our Crushes? Short version: your brain doesn’t clock out just because you did. REM sleep is prime time for processing emotion and filing away the day’s events, and if you’ve been thinking about someone on repeat, guess who’s getting cast in tonight’s programming. The Science-y Part Your brain isn’t inventing a person out of thin air when it dreams about your crush. It’s remixing memory and emotion into a scenario that lets you feel something you’re not letting yourself feel while awake. That’s why crush dreams tend to spike when you’re lonely, newly attracted to someone, or sitting on unresolved tension with someone you already know. Eric’s dream, for what it’s worth, wasn’t really about the coworker. It showed up right after a breakup he hadn’t let himself grieve. His brain wasn’t sending him a signal about her — it was giving him a low-stakes way to feel wanted again. ## 25 Crush Dreams, Decoded Don’t go hunting for the exact plot of your dream below — look for the vibe. That’s the part that actually matters. ## The Classics ### 1. They kiss you The most common crush dream, hands down. It’s almost never as deep as it feels — usually just a straightforward wish for closeness, emotional more than physical. Translation: you’re thinking about them a lot and haven’t said a word about it in real life. ### 2. It’s the same dream, over and over Recurring dreams are your brain leaving you a sticky note. If this one keeps coming back, there’s usually a question underneath it you haven’t answered yet — probably some version of *do I say something, or do I let this go?* ### 3. It gets… spicy Sex dreams get way over-analyzed. They’re often less “I want to sleep with this exact person” and more a general craving for touch or intimacy. If you were the one pursuing, it can point to a wish to make someone happy. If they pursued you, it’s usually about wanting to feel chosen. ### 4. You just see their face, nothing else happens No plot, no drama, just their face. These quieter dreams are usually about longing, not action — your brain holding onto an image of comfort while you’re feeling disconnected from people in general. ![Relationship Addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/counseling-for-women.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1) ## The Ones That Sting ### 5. They reject you This is your brain doing worst-case-scenario prep, not predicting your future. It’s rehearsing the outcome you’re most scared of so the real version stings less if it ever happens. Extremely common right before someone finally works up the nerve to say something IRL. ### 6. They walk right past you, no eye contact This was Eric’s dream #2. Being ignored in a dream usually taps into a fear of being invisible — sometimes about the crush specifically, sometimes about a much older feeling the crush just happens to be poking. ### 7. They go cold, or suddenly feel like a stranger When someone who’s usually warm in your dreams goes distant, it can be anxiety about how well you actually know them. Attraction builds a fantasy version of a person fast — this dream is sometimes your brain quietly clocking the gap between fantasy and reality. ### 8. You can’t reach them, they keep vanishing Chasing someone who keeps slipping away in a dream usually means you feel like the whole thing — the relationship, or even just the shot at one — is out of your hands. Common when there’s a real obstacle in the way: distance, timing, or the fact that you two haven’t actually talked much. ### 9. They’re with someone else Ouch, but it’s usually about insecurity, not intel. This dream tends to reflect a fear of not measuring up, not actual information about what they’re doing or thinking. Science Says A dream about your crush is 100% manufactured by your own brain, using your own memories and your own emotions. It’s not a message from them, and it’s definitely not proof of what they’re feeling. It’s a mirror, not a text message. ## The Feel-Good Ones ### 10. They confess their feelings This is your brain giving you the ending you want without any of the risk of actually asking for it. It’s not evidence they feel the same — it’s a preview of what it would feel like if they did, which is worth noticing if you’ve been sitting on this for a while. ### 11. They chase after you Being pursued in a dream tends to show up when you feel like you’ve been doing all the emotional heavy lifting in real life — the waiting, the wondering. The dream flips the script. ### 12. You just… talk. For a long time. And it’s easy Not every crush dream is about romance. A dream that’s really just great conversation often points to wanting genuine connection, not just proximity. You want to actually know this person, not just be near them. ### 13. They rescue you Rescue dreams tend to show up when some other part of your life feels shaky — work, family, your own confidence. Your crush gets cast as “safety” because they represent hope, but the real need is just to feel supported, full stop. ### 14. You’re just holding hands, or cuddling Quiet, low-drama affection in a dream usually points to wanting stability more than excitement. If your dreams have been trending cozy instead of chaotic lately, that’s the read. ![kiss](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/kiss.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1) ## The People You Didn’t See Coming ### 15. A total stranger who somehow feels like a crush A face you’ve never seen, but the pull is real. That stranger is usually a Frankenstein of qualities you’re currently craving — confidence, warmth, attentiveness — not a real person you’re about to meet. ### 16. A celebrity Same rules apply, minus the fame. It’s about what they represent to you, not the actual person you’ll never meet. Celebrities are a safe container for fantasy since there’s zero real relationship at stake. ### 17. Your friend, out of nowhere Catches people off guard every time. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re secretly into your friend — more often your brain is borrowing that closeness and safety to explore a connection you’re missing somewhere else. ### 18. An old crush resurfaces You haven’t thought about them in years, and suddenly they’re back. This usually isn’t about wanting them specifically — it’s tied to whatever they represented back then: a version of you, an era, a kind of connection you haven’t found again. ### 19. Someone you’d never expect to be into A coworker you’ve never noticed, someone way outside your type. Says less about attraction and more about what they embody — confidence, calm, whatever you feel is missing in your own life right now. ## The Weird, Dark Corner ### 20. They die Unsettling, but rarely literal. In dream language, death usually symbolizes an ending, not a warning — the end of hope for something with that person, or the end of a whole chapter where they mattered to you. ### 21. They end up with your friend A love-triangle dream involving a friend isn’t really about either of them. It usually taps into a fear of being replaced or left out — the kind of worry that shows up in friendships just as much as romantic ones. ### 22. You’re full-on arguing Conflict dreams can mean part of you is trying to create distance from the attraction, maybe because it feels inconvenient or risky right now. They can also mean there’s real tension you haven’t admitted to yourself yet. ### 23. They look right through you, like they don’t know you This one often ties back to a fear of being forgettable — not just to them, but in general. Worth noticing if that feeling shows up in other parts of your life too. Real Talk If your crush has followed you out of your dreams and into your actual day — obsessive social media checks, anxiety spirals when they don’t text back, the fixation crowding out other stuff you care about — that’s worth paying attention to. It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you. It can just mean it’s time to talk it through with someone. ![intimacy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/intimacy.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1) ## The Everyday Weird Ones ### 24. They show up somewhere totally random, like work or school When your crush wanders into a setting they have zero business being in, it usually means they’re taking up more mental real estate than you’ve admitted. Your brain’s just blending them into wherever your attention already lives. ### 25. You meet their family, or they meet yours This one shows up when the attraction has started to feel more “official” in your own head, even if literally nothing has happened between you yet. It’s a wish to fast-forward past the uncertainty and land somewhere that feels real. ## What Eric Figured Out Eric never said a word to his coworker. What he did instead was sit with the dreams long enough to realize they weren’t about her — they were about a breakup he hadn’t let himself feel yet. Once he dealt with that, the dreams stopped on their own. That’s the pattern more often than not. Crush dreams are rarely about the person as much as they’re about a need — for closeness, reassurance, something unresolved finally getting some air. Overanalyzing the plot usually just keeps you stuck chasing meaning instead of dealing with what’s actually underneath it. ![dreams about someone you like and crush on](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/man-sleeping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ![what is hypnosis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnosis.jpg?resize=520%2C264&ssl=1) ## Want to Nerd Out on Dream Meaning Even More? *The Hidden Meaning of Dreams* by Craig Parker is a solid, jargon-free starting point if you want to go deeper ([see Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2hLFPFj)). ![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0806977736) ## Quick FAQ ### Does dreaming about someone mean they’re thinking about you too? Nope. Dreams are made entirely by your own brain, from your own memories and emotions. A dream about your crush is about your inner world, not theirs. ### Why do I keep having the same crush dream over and over? Recurring dreams usually mean there’s something unresolved — often a decision you haven’t made yet, like whether to say something or move on. ### Is it normal to have sex dreams about a crush? Extremely normal, and one of the most common dream themes out there. Usually about a broader craving for intimacy or connection, not a literal to-do list. ### Should I actually tell my crush I dreamed about them? Totally up to you and how close you are. What matters more is figuring out what the dream is telling you about your own needs before you decide what, if anything, to say. ### When does this stop being “just a dream” and start being something to actually deal with? If it’s causing real anxiety, wrecking your sleep, or crowding out other parts of your life while you’re awake, that’s the sign it’s worth talking through with someone instead of sitting with it solo. **Categories:** Psychology **Tags:** Crushes, Dream, Dream Interpretation, Dreams --- ### [What Swimming Dreams Mean](https://guycounseling.com/swimming-dreams-interpreted/) **Published:** April 29, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Table of Contents Toggle - [Swimming dreams explored ](#Swimming_dreams_explored) - [Swimming in dreams interpreted](#Swimming_in_dreams_interpreted) - [Swimming dreams specialist qualifications  ](#Swimming_dreams_specialist_qualifications) - [Dream analysis and Carl Jung](#Dream_analysis_and_Carl_Jung) - [The meaning of water in dreams](#The_meaning_of_water_in_dreams) - [Swimming in dreams – what it means](#Swimming_in_dreams_%E2%80%93_what_it_means) - [What swimming against the current might mean ](#What_swimming_against_the_current_might_mean) - [Dreams about swimming with the current](#Dreams_about_swimming_with_the_current) - [Floating in water dreams explained](#Floating_in_water_dreams_explained) - [Dreams about swimming in cold water](#Dreams_about_swimming_in_cold_water) - [What dreaming about swimming in a river means](#What_dreaming_about_swimming_in_a_river_means) - [What dirty, murky water swimming dreams mean](#What_dirty_murky_water_swimming_dreams_mean) - [What it means to dream about swimming with someone](#What_it_means_to_dream_about_swimming_with_someone) - [Swimming with animals in dreams explained](#Swimming_with_animals_in_dreams_explained) - [What does it mean when you dream of swimming backwards?](#What_does_it_mean_when_you_dream_of_swimming_backwards) - [Dreams about struggling to swim](#Dreams_about_struggling_to_swim) - [What do sharks in dreams mean?](#What_do_sharks_in_dreams_mean) - [Dreams about drowning](#Dreams_about_drowning) - [Dreams about never reaching the shoreline](#Dreams_about_never_reaching_the_shoreline) - [Swimming with clothes on versus swimming unclothed](#Swimming_with_clothes_on_versus_swimming_unclothed) - [Swimming pools dreams explained](#Swimming_pools_dreams_explained) - [What swimming in the ocean means in dreams](#What_swimming_in_the_ocean_means_in_dreams) - [Dreams about swimming underwater](#Dreams_about_swimming_underwater) - [How to understand swimming dreams](#How_to_understand_swimming_dreams) ## ![Did you swim underwater?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/swimming-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Swimming dreams explored  Are you having dreams about swimming? Did you dream of swimming in a pool or the ocean? Were you alone or with another person? Trying to interpret what it all means? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because this page is all about swimming in dreams with insight you’ll get nowhere else. ## Swimming in dreams interpreted **On this page, you will learn:** - The meaning of water in dreams - What swimming dreams symbolize - What swimming against the current means - What swimming with the current means - The meaning of floating in the water - The best way to interpret cold water swimming dreams - How to assess river-related dreams - Dirty, murky water swimming dreams - The meaning of animals swimming in your dream - Backward swimming dreams - Why you dreamed about struggling to swim - Swimming with sharks in dreams - Dreams about swimming and drowning - Why never reach the shoreline in a dream - How to view dreams where you swim with clothes on - The meaning of swimming without clothes on - Interpreting dreams about swimming underwater - Resources for learning ![I dreamed about swimming meaning](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/swim-related-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Your dreams about swimming analyzed ### Swimming dreams specialist qualifications   You may be wondering what qualifies me to write this article? Shoot, if I were you, I’d want to know. Without taking up a lot of your time, I’ll quickly give you the highlights of [my background](https://guycounseling.com/mens-expert-media-interviews/) to pen this piece. - I hold a Ph.D. in psychology. - I’m a licensed mental health counselor. - I’m a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist. - As an educator, I teach psychology courses in personality that touch on dream analysis and interpretation. - I’ve been studying dream content and meaning for over twenty years. - I hold a certificate in Jungian psychotherapy from the Zur Institute. That last point I mentioned to you about **Jungian psychotherapy** is essential to know. Let me explain why. ### Dream analysis and Carl Jung [Jungian psychology](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/jungian-therapy) is based on the teachings of Carl Jung, a famous Swiss psychiatrist who worked with clients around dream material to help them better understand themselves and their lives. It is through the lens of Jung’s work that we will explore your swimming dreams, coupled with bits of research designed to help you assemble an interpretive mosaic. Here’s the hard truth – nobody can say for sure what a dream means. Subconscious analysis is a subjective process (at best) that contains many abstracts. Towards the end of this piece, I’ll touch on this topic more and offer some suggestions for the future. Let’s move on now and explore what those dreams about swimming could mean. ## The meaning of water in dreams There is no way to explore your swimming dream unless we first look at the role of water and what it symbolizes. In many cultures, **water is considered sacred and symbolic of life**. An example of this can be found in the Lakota Native Indians who believe [water is life](http://theconversation.com/why-is-water-sacred-to-native-americans-74732) (LaPier, 2017). To a lesser or greater degree, other tribes also hold this belief. Did you know that water has special meaning in the bible? It sure does. Consider how water was used in the Old Testament to indicate troubled times (i.e., Noah’s Ark and the great flood). But **water was also used to symbolize salvation and rebirth**. Examples can be found in the story of Jesus turning water into wine and the use of h20 by John the Baptist as part of Christian conversion rituals. The main takeaway here is that when you see water in your dreams, particularly swimming dreams, there is an excellent chance it symbolizes one of three things: **1. A challenging emotional time** **2. Life and rebirth** **3. Renewal and new beginnings** As you analyze your dreams, keep this in mind. You’ll want to contextualize the imagery you see against the backdrop of the three themes mentioned above. ## Swimming in dreams – what it means Whenever you dream of swimming, your subconscious mind is communicating action. The ancients tell us that water is a metaphor for emotions. Therefore, **the deeper the water, the more intense your feelings**. Believers in astrology hold that persons who are born under water signs are deep feelers. And so, if you [are a Pisces man](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/), swimming represents the conduit for your empathic skills. Conversely, if you [are a Scorpio man](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) or a Cancer, the act of swimming symbolizes your ability to intuit the emotions of others. But what if you aren’t a water sign? Does the act of swimming hold any meaning? The answer is yes. Here are some of the common themes that apply about swim-based dreams: - You are moving towards a new life goal. - You are heading in the right direction. - Soon, significant changes are coming your way. - An internal struggle about a difficult life decision. - A desire to have a baby. - A subconscious indication that you will soon give birth. - An internal spiritual conflict. - Your mind’s need to relax and work through a challenging problem. - A desire to be free of a person, such as a lover, supervisor or situation. ![what does it mean when you see yourself swimming in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/swim-and-breathing-underwater.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams where you swim against current ## What swimming against the current might mean  Did your dream involve swimming against the current? Did you struggle as part of the dynamic? Was the experience physically exhausting? **What your dream might mean:** - A subconscious indication you are making the right choice, but the process of change won’t be easy. - The symbolic representation of going against powerful forces. - A mental projection that you are working through a difficult but on-track with your goals. See this post on [common goal setting mistakes](https://guycounseling.com/goal-setting-mistakes/) for more insight. - An indication that the person you are dating is not the best match. - A subconscious tug to disclose your feelings to your crush. Visit this post to explore [dreams about your crush revealed](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/). ## Dreams about swimming with the current Did your dream involve you swimming with the current? Was the water fast moving? Did it seem like you were being swept away? Were you in control? **What this could mean:** - An indication you are making the right choices. - A metaphoric affirmation that you will be OK. - A sign that big changes are quickly coming. - Your mind’s way of suggesting you are at risk of losing control over a given situation. - A gentle nudge from your subconscious to slow down. - The deep recesses of your mind telling you to avoid “making waves” and instead, “go with the flow”. ## Floating in water dreams explained Did you have a dream about floating in a body of water? Were you paddling around, not heading in any particular direction? **How this can be interpreted:** - You feel stuck in a relationship or job. - A subconscious indication that you are just “going through the motions”. - A desire for change with uncertainty about how to proceed. - Boredom with some aspect of your life. - A desire to feel more challenged at work or in love. ![a dream about being in cold water](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/man-swimming-cold-water.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Was the water cold? ## Dreams about swimming in cold water Could you tell the water you swam in was cold? Did it feel icy, making you shiver? Were you trying to get out of the water because it was too frigid? **Here’s what cold water dreams mean:** - Your mind is trying to shock you out of a bad emotional state. - An indication that you are coming out of a depression. See this post on [cold water swimming and depression](https://guycounseling.com/cold-water-swimming-depression/). - A subconscious manifestation that your body temperature is too low. - A spiritual sign, according to the ancients, that someone dead is trying to communicate with you. Learn more in this post about [dreams involving dead death](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/). - A hint from your unconscious mind to increase your blood circulation. ## What dreaming about swimming in a river means Dreams about rivers hold special meaning because they signify change and renewal. In the general sense, they are about your ability to adapt and adjust to the times. **River dreams decoded:** - An emotional cleansing [after a breakup](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) or the loss of a loved one. - A psychological or spiritual acknowledgment that you are heading in a new direction. - Emotional healing as part of a transition. - A sign of new beginnings in love or relationships. ## What dirty, murky water swimming dreams mean While dreaming, did you notice the water was murky? Did it look dirty? Was it difficult to see to the bottom? **What your dream could mean:** - A lack of clarity about a situation or person. - Anxiety about where you are in life right now. - A subconscious indication that you don’t fit in. - Feeling overwhelmed by an emotional situation. - Concerns about someone you are romantically involved with. - Deeply held trust issues regarding a lover or family member. ![swimming with someone dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/back-muscle-beach-ocean.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Did you dream of swimming with someone? ## What it means to dream about swimming with someone Many people have dreams of swimming with another person. Usually, it is a close family member or friend. These types of dreams are significant because they represent a relational bond. **Here’s what your dream could mean:** - A deep and intense shared journey with the person you swam with. - Your mind’s physical projection of love for this person. - If you swam with a stranger, it could be a mental projection of your [hidden shadow](https://academyofideas.com/2015/12/carl-jung-and-the-shadow-the-hidden-power-of-our-dark-side/) (the hidden self). - A longing to be with someone adventurous and exciting. ## Swimming with animals in dreams explained Did your swimming dream involve animals? Did you [dream about fish](https://guycounseling.com/fish-dream-meaning/)? Was there just one animal or were there several? All of it matters because animals in dreams speak to your spiritual side. **What your dream might mean:** - If you saw one animal, such as a bear or a wolf, it could be your [spirit guide](http://psychiclibrary.com/beyondBooks/animal-spirit-guides/) trying to communicate with you, according to Native Indians (Psychic Library , 2019). - The spirit of a deceased pet that has taken dream form to communicate with you in the here and now. - An indication that your decisions impact other types of life. - Confirmation from your subconscious that it is time to adopt a pet. - An animalistic part of your persona that you’ve been neglecting. - If you were swimming with rats, it could be about fears of being backstabbed. [Learn about rats in dreams on this page](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/). ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/swim-dog.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Did a dog swim in your dream? ## What does it mean when you dream of swimming backwards? Were you involved in a dream where you were swimming backwards? Was this a difficult process or did you find it easy? Regardless, backwards swimming is an unusual activity in a dream because it involves [bilateral stimulation](https://anxietyreleaseapp.com/what-is-bilateral-stimulation/). **Here’s what your dream might mean:** - Pent up anxiety about an unresolved issue. - A sense that you are going back in time or returning to a familiar place. - A cellular memory of yourself in the womb, swimming back against amniotic fluid. - A desire to push-back against an aspect of yourself that you are trying to control, such as anger or impatience. - A subconscious coping mechanism for fear. ## Dreams about struggling to swim You may have had a dream where it was difficult to swim. If this is the case, it may speak to an [intra-psychic conflict](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/matter-personality/201704/intrapsychic-conflict-and-dysfunctional-family-patterns) about an important life relationship. **What this dream might mean:** - An unresolved conflict with a family member. - Worries about your use and abuse of alcohol. Learn more in this post about [how alcohol can make depression worse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/). - An aspect of your sexuality that you’ve denied. - Challenges in school or worries about passing a class. - An indication that the person you are romantically interested in is a bad match. ![dreaming about a shark](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/sharks-in-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sharks swimming in the ocean ## What do sharks in dreams mean? Did your dream involve sharks? See on in a pool? Were you attacked while treading water in the ocean? While there are numerous reasons for this type of imagery to appear in the subconscious, it is critical to remember that sharks generally symbolize fear. **Here is what your dream might mean:** - Concerns about the future. - Fears about someone out to do you harm. - Anxiety about a future trip involving water. For more information on this topic, read this extensive post about [what sharks mean in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-sharks-interpreted/). ## Dreams about drowning Drowning dreams can be super terrifying. If you had this type of dream, you might have awoken confused and gasping for air. In many cases, these kinds of dreams speak to past trauma. Specifically, I’m talking about something from your childhood that was emotionally and psychologically scarring. **What your drowning dream might mean:** - A mental replay of a life-threatening event from early childhood. - A phobia around closed spaces where you can’t breathe. - Thantophobia that speaks to your fears about death, dying, and dead people. Learn more in this post about what dreaming about the [meaning of dead people in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/). - A subconscious fear of water, also known as aquaphobia. - The subconscious mind replaying the moments before you first breathed air into your lungs (remember, they were [filled with fluid](https://www.healthline.com/health/transient-tachypnea-newborn) until it was expelled). ![Woman taking a swim in a dream](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/woman-in-swimming-pool-dreaming.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Did you see yourself doing laps? ## Dreams about never reaching the shoreline Your dream may have involved you swimming in the ocean or a lake towards the shore. Did you notice that you never made it to the shore? In psychological terms, there are several possible metaphors. **Possible interpretations include:** - A goal that is almost in reach but not yet complete. - An indication from the subconscious that someone or something is out of reach. - An aspect of yourself that you’ve neglected and not sure how to nurture. - A romantic interest that you are secretly crushing on who is emotionally unavailable. - Some part of yourself that feels dissatisfied sexually. - Unfinished business from the past, such as not being able to say goodbye to a person who has died. - A feeling that you’ve left something important undone and now it’s too late to fix. ## Swimming with clothes on versus swimming unclothed Some people have vivid dreams where they can recall what they were wearing. Others report bizarre dreams where swimming took place without clothes on. **Here’s what this could mean:** - If you had pants on, it suggests an aspect of your sexual life feels inhibited. - If you had a shirt on, it might suggest an emotional disconnect from someone close. - Swimming without any clothing on symbolizes a sense of freedom from a person or an issue. - Dreams where you swim in your birthday suit also can represent freedom from guilt. ## Swimming pools dreams explained It is possible you had a dream involving a swimming pool. Should this be the case, you may have seen yourself doing laps or someone else swimming. What’s interesting about these types of dreams is they are often reoccurring in nature. **What your dream might mean:** - If you saw yourself swimming in a pool, it may relate to your spiritual side and feelings of renewal. - A psychological projection of the cleansing of your chakras. Learn more about [chakra cleansing in this post](https://guycounseling.com/root-chakra-affirmations/). - Seeing another person swim in a pool, such as your child, could indicate a sense of independence. - Watching yourself doing laps in a pool may speak to your competitive side. - Seeing a dog swimming in a pool might relate to your sense of survival. ## What swimming in the ocean means in dreams Many people report having dreams of swimming in the sea. Most often, they see themselves in a vast of water with no land in sight. Ocean themed dreams are not unusual and tend to be reoccurring in nature. **Here is what these types of dreams mean:** - You may feel lost and confused about a specific life issue. - If you were on a boat and it sank, leaving you in the ocean all alone, it could speak to your deeply held fears of abandonment. - The mental projection of a complex problem that only you can resolve. - The unconscious mind returning you to the womb in a sea of amniotic fluid. ## Dreams about swimming underwater A lot of people have dreams of swimming underwater. If this happened to you, it is possible you envisioned yourself being able to breathe. Almost always, these kinds of dreams are a sign of good luck and portend something wonderful for the future. **What your dream might mean:** - The beginning of a new relationship. - The elimination of debt that once weighed you down. - A sexual change that gives you freedom. - An aspect of yourself that you’ve just begun to explore. - An echo from the spiritual world that you’ll soon be free of a heavy burden. - Your ability to receive a spiritual message from a higher power. Read this post on [how to receive spiritual guidance](https://guycounseling.com/spiritual-guidance/). ![dreams about swimming against the current](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/swimming-against-current.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Understanding dreams where you swim ## How to understand swimming dreams One of the things I recommend to dreamers is to keep a diary. It doesn’t have to be fancy. A simple notepad and pen will do just fine. Your goal should be to look for themes. An example might be seeing yourself [being chased in a dream or hiding](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/). Have you had other dreams of this nature? If so, jot these things down and look for patterns. As time goes on and you put together your subconscious puzzle, you’ll be able to better analyze. The crucial thing to remember is that the subconscious works on its own timetable. Patience is key here. Finally, I highly recommend picking up a dream symbolism book. You can get these from several specialty shops or online. I personally like *The Complete Dictionary of Dreams* by Lennox. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2VA5INT). The content of your dreams matters. Carl Jung is credited with the saying, **what you resist persists**. In terms of dream analysis, his words make a lot of sense. Is your mind trying to tell you something? If so, what do you think it means? By studying the symbols and imagery you see in things like swimming dreams, you can learn a lot about yourself. Have you dreamed about swimming? Feel free to share in the comments section below. **References** LaPier, R. (2017, March 21). *Why is water sacred to Native Americans?* Retrieved from The Conversation: http://theconversation.com/why-is-water-sacred-to-native-americans-74732 Psychic Library . (2019). *Animal spirit guides*. Retrieved from The Psychic Library: http://psychiclibrary.com/beyondBooks/animal-spirit-guides/ Photo Credits: Pexels **Categories:** Growth, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Analysis, Dream Interpretation, Sharks, Swimming, Water --- ### [What Dreams About Wolves Mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-wolves-meaning/) **Published:** July 23, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![wolf dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/wolf-dreams-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Dreams about Wolves Explained](#Dreams_about_Wolves_Explained) - [My Personal Wolf Dream and Experience with Dream Analysis](#My_Personal_Wolf_Dream_and_Experience_with_Dream_Analysis) - [Dream Analysis in Psychology – Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung](#Dream_Analysis_in_Psychology_%E2%80%93_Sigmund_Freud_and_Carl_Jung) - [What Do Dreams about Wolves Mean?](#What_Do_Dreams_about_Wolves_Mean) - [Spiritual Meaning of Wolves](#Spiritual_Meaning_of_Wolves) - [Biblical Meaning of Wolves](#Biblical_Meaning_of_Wolves) - [Factors Influencing the Wolf Symbol](#Factors_Influencing_the_Wolf_Symbol) - [Interpreting Wolf Dreams](#Interpreting_Wolf_Dreams) - [What Does a Dream about a Black Wolf Mean?](#What_Does_a_Dream_about_a_Black_Wolf_Mean) - [What Does a White Wolf Symbolize in Dreams?](#What_Does_a_White_Wolf_Symbolize_in_Dreams) - [What Does it Mean When a Wolf is Chasing You in Your Dreams?](#What_Does_it_Mean_When_a_Wolf_is_Chasing_You_in_Your_Dreams) - [What Does it Mean to Kill a Wolf in Your Dreams?](#What_Does_it_Mean_to_Kill_a_Wolf_in_Your_Dreams) - [What Does a Dream about Riding a Wolf or Running with a Wolf Mean?](#What_Does_a_Dream_about_Riding_a_Wolf_or_Running_with_a_Wolf_Mean) - [What Does a Wolf Howling in a Dream Mean?](#What_Does_a_Wolf_Howling_in_a_Dream_Mean) - [What Does it Mean When You Become a Wolf in Your Dreams?](#What_Does_it_Mean_When_You_Become_a_Wolf_in_Your_Dreams) - [What Does it Mean When a Wolf is Watching You in Your Dreams?](#What_Does_it_Mean_When_a_Wolf_is_Watching_You_in_Your_Dreams) - [What Does a Dream About Feeding or Being Fed by Wolves Mean?](#What_Does_a_Dream_About_Feeding_or_Being_Fed_by_Wolves_Mean) - [What Does it Mean When You’re Surrounded by Wolves in Your Dreams?](#What_Does_it_Mean_When_Youre_Surrounded_by_Wolves_in_Your_Dreams) - [What Does a Wolf’s Teeth Symbolize in Dreams?](#What_Does_a_Wolfs_Teeth_Symbolize_in_Dreams) - [Other Meanings of Wolf Dreams](#Other_Meanings_of_Wolf_Dreams) - [The Importance of a Dream Diary](#The_Importance_of_a_Dream_Diary) - [Wrapping it Up](#Wrapping_it_Up) ## Dreams about Wolves Explained Have you been having [dreams](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/psychological-medicine/article/interpretation-of-dreams-by-artemidorus-translated-from-the-greek-by-r-j-white-pp-259-1500-noyes-press-new-jersey-1975-dreaming-by-norman-malcolm-pp-128-135-pb-routledge-kegan-paul-london-1959/1CFC5AE8328CF8D3AF4347EE3A1DD34B) about wolves lately? Are you struggling to find meaning behind the symbolism of a wolf or a wolf pack? Did you dream about a wolf following you through the forest at night? If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then you’ve come to the right place. Wolves pop up in a lot of peoples’ dreams, but their true meaning can be elusive. The wolf is a powerful, mysterious animal that can frighten and inspire in equal measures. As a counselor, life coach and interpreter of dreams, many people come to me with questions about their wolf dreams. Sometimes, the wolf represents a person. Sometimes, it represents a persistent problem. Yet, it can also foretell of unique opportunities that you should seize. **On this page, you’ll learn about:** - The underlying meaning of wolf symbols in dreams - The spiritual and Biblical meaning of the wolf - The historical and mythological meaning of the wolf - The meaning of wolves of different colors - What it means to be chased by wolves in your dreams - What it means to fight or kill a wolf in your dreams - The meaning of running with a pack of wolves - What does the howling wolf symbolize? - What it means to become a wolf in your dreams - The meaning of wolves watching you - Wolves teeth in dreams ![wolf attacks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/wolf-attacks.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Wolf dreams – what they mean ## My Personal Wolf Dream and Experience with Dream Analysis Before I go into greater detail about the meaning of wolf dreams, I’d like to make a quick note about my own personal experiences. Dreams have always had a spiritual importance in my family, and I proved myself early on to be someone who had a talent for dream interpretation. I’m a certified counselor and life coach. I also hold two certificates in cognitive behavior therapy. I’ve also read extensively about dreams and dream analysis from the viewpoint of a psychological practitioner. In my personal life, I have a reoccurring dream about a wolf. There’s a house that represents my grounding space and behind that house there is a dark, foggy forest. In my dreams, I run to the safety of this dark forest when I’m being pursued or confronted by negative energy. In that dark forest, there is also a black wolf, a she-wolf. At first, I was afraid of this wolf. I thought it was chasing me, but as I delved into my dream journals and searched my heart, I came to realize that this wolf symbolized my grandmother. My grandmother was the black wolf and she was the guardian of this sacred forest. Whenever I was in trouble, I could retreat to the safety of the dark forest and she would keep me safe from my enemies. I wanted to mention this wolf dream because I used to believe that the wolf was stalking me. I was afraid of the wolf, similar to how someone might fear a [dream about death](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/). But I learned that this wolf was an important symbol and represented someone of vital importance to my life. Perhaps the wolf in your dream is also a protector or a teacher. ![wolf attack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/wolf-attack.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Dreaming about wolves ## Dream Analysis in Psychology – Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung Carl Jung and Sigmund Feud were two psychologists that saw the importance of dreams in our daily lives. According to Freud and Jung, dreams contain potent symbols that are related to our deepest desires and fears. Sigmund Freud valued dream interpretation at a time when dreams were thought to be just random imaginings of an unrestricted consciousness. Sigmund Freud called dreams “the royal road to knowledge of the unconscious”. Dream analysis was central to Freud’s brand of psychoanalysis, but Freud might have oversimplified the symbols in dreams. For Freud, just about everything that you saw in a dream was either related to sexual urges or your family. Carl Jung, on the other hand, was a bit more open minded about the interpretation of dream imagery. Jung thought that dream imagery was meant to teach us things about our own personality. Dreams didn’t represent something hidden; dreams represented aspects of our character. Carl Jung really focused on the symbolic representations in dreams. These symbols were vehicles for self-portrayal and exploration. All of the symbols in your dream represent something in your own psyche. Nothing is random. For example, if you are [dreaming about sharks](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-sharks-interpreted/), there is a reason it is happening. ![taurus and pisces compatible](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Exploring wolf dreams and images ## What Do Dreams about Wolves Mean? Let’s get a broad sense of the wolf and its importance in nature. The wolf is a large predatory member of the canine genus. Wolves are typically larger than dogs and live in hunting packs. The image of the lone wolf is popular, but factually inaccurate. All wolves, even lone wolves, are associated with one or more packs. Wolves bond with other wolves, but they have a complicated relationship with humans. People are fascinated with wolves and treat the animal with a great deal of respect and fear. Wolves are territorial animals. They can roam across an area of a hundred miles or more in search of mates and prey. For people with cattle and herd animals, the wolf is seen as the enemy. For people who feel connected with nature, the wolf often represents a powerful teacher and guide. This historical reference is important when analyzing dreams about wolves. The wolf is a powerful animal that deserves respect. The role of a wolf as a hunter and predator dominates our symbolic relationship with wolves and forms the basis for what all dreams about wolves mean. ## Spiritual Meaning of Wolves The wolf is a powerful symbol in the mythology of ancient cultures from around the world. Interestingly, many of them see the wolf in a positive light. The wolf has always played a vital role as a teacher in ancient mythology. For example, in Roman tradition, the twin brother Romulus and Remus were suckled as babes by a she-wolf. Romulus went on to be the founder of the city of Rome and the wolf is a prominent symbol in Roman art and literature. The wolf is an important spirit animal for Native Americans. The Quileute from the Pacific Northwest believe their first ancestors were transformed from wolves to men. To the Shoshone people, the wolf is a symbol for the Creator himself. There is a popular Native American folk story about the wolf that you feed. In the story, there are two wolves. The old, wise grandfather tells the boy that the white wolf is good and peaceful while the black wolf is angry and hateful. The two wolves live inside of you and both vie for your attention and sustenance. Which wolf wins out in the end? The one that you feed. It’s a popular story about hatred eating away at your spirit, but the story’s origin is controversial. Another popular reference for the symbol of the wolf comes from stories where children are raised by wolves. In the story *Jungle Book,* Mowgli is raised by wolves and becomes a member of their society. Although the social norms are quite different, Mowgli learns valuable lessons about himself and nature from the wolves and other animals. Regardless of the origin, this story and others like it from mythology, help us to form a symbolic primer for the wolf. These stories also help to form the symbolic references for our relationship with wolves. ![wolves in the bible](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/wolf-night.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Biblical meaning – wolf ## Biblical Meaning of Wolves If you’re a Christian or study Judeo-Christian spirituality, then you might be interested in what the Bible says about wolves. In the Hebrew lexicon, the word ***zeeb*** means wolf. The wolf almost always has a negative connotation in the Bible. Jesus is symbolized as a lamb and the wolf is a creature that would prey upon sheep and lambs. So, the wolf, in symbolic terms, represents a dangerous hunter and predator. This makes sense when you consider that many people in old world Palestine, Egypt and the Middle East were shepherds. The first Biblical reference for a wolf is found in Genesis 49:27. In this passage, *Benjamin shall shred as a wolf: in the morning he shall devour the prey, and at night he shall divide the spoil.* The next passage of note comes from Ezekiel 22:27 where *Her princes in the middle thereof are like wolves ravening the prey, to shed blood, and to destroy souls, to get dishonest gain.* So, clearly from the Old Testament, the wolf symbolizes a rapacious, predatory animal that is violent and seizes upon the weak. In the New Testament, wolves are compared to corrupt or evil leaders, as in Matthew 7:15. *Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.* ## Factors Influencing the Wolf Symbol What do wolves mean to you? That’s an important question to ask yourself because how you interpret the symbol of the wolf is a key factor in how wolves behave in your dreams. If you think wolves are cute, cuddly creatures, then some of the most common interpretations might be skewed. You see, there are universal constants with interpreting dreams. Society has certain grand symbols that take their place in our global consciousness, but your dream is largely a personal artifact. What you see and feel might be different from other people. So, before you delve into specific interpretations of your wolf dreams, ask yourself what the wolf symbolizes for you. ![wolf symbols](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/wolf-symbols.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Wolf symbols and dreams ## Interpreting Wolf Dreams Now, it’s time to explore the many different ways that wolves can manifest themselves in dreams. You need to remember that you are the best dream analyst for your own dreams. That’s because your own reactions and ideas about wolves dictate what wolves mean in your dreams. For psychoanalysts, dreams about wolves represent aspects of the dreamer’s personality. For example, you might be suppressing your own aggressive urges and the black wolf continues to stalk you through a forest in your dreams. The message is that you need to embrace your shadow self and find ways to express your primal urges. Due to the relationship people have with wolves in nature, people often immediately interpret wolf dreams as negative. That might not always be the case. The wolf in your dreams could represent something positive like family, internal toughness, or your ability to handle difficult situations. ### What Does a Dream about a Black Wolf Mean? Colors matter when it comes to dreams about a wolf. That’s because wolves of different colors are symbolically important. If you are dreaming about a black wolf, then that could mean: - You’re trying to reach a deeper understanding of your shadow self - You’re afraid of your own primal, animalistic urges - It could be highlighting your comfort or lack thereof when dealing with negative emotions - You desire to leave a social group or neglect some responsibilities - You’re fearful of becoming the outcast in a social group ### What Does a White Wolf Symbolize in Dreams? The white wolf represents the noblest of characteristics, much like the color white in any other symbolic representation. However, the white wolf does have some specific characteristics in dreams. A dream about a white wolf could mean: - You seek protection from a difficult situation or trauma in your life - You need guidance for embarking on a new journey - It could reflect a feeling of victory, triumph, or success in your personal life - It could represent a connection with a higher power ### What Does it Mean When a Wolf is Chasing You in Your Dreams? Sometimes, we confuse being chased by a wolf with running with a wolf. These are two different symbols. So, be sure that you were truly being chased. If you were being chased by a wolf in your dreams, then it might mean: - That you are running away from an important issue in your waking life - You might be considering a new job or career choice, but the consequences frighten you - Someone or something is trying to tell you something, but you won’t listen - The wolf represents an aspect of your personality that you don’t want to accept - Ultimately, you can’t escape from some form of trauma in your past. ### What Does it Mean to Kill a Wolf in Your Dreams? Fighting or killing a wolf in your dreams is a rare symbol. Wolves are common dream symbols, but our dream selves rarely physically interact with them. If you are fighting or killing a wolf, then that could mean: - You feel betrayed by someone very close to you, a best friend or family member - Someone who was once your ally has become your enemy - You could be in serious denial about an aspect of your own character - You could be angry with yourself or feel intense guilt or shame - You finally have the strength and courage to tackle the most serious problems of your life ### What Does a Dream about Riding a Wolf or Running with a Wolf Mean? Wolves are pack animals. They belong to social groups, even when they appear as a lone creature. If you are running with a wolf pack or riding a wolf, then it could mean: - You seek support in dealing with a difficult transition in life - Something that threatens you also threatens everyone else around you - There’s a trauma in your life that is too big for you to handle alone. You should seek help. - You’re thinking about a close loved one who has passed away. - It highlights a sense of harmony in your personal and social life. ### What Does a Wolf Howling in a Dream Mean? The howling of a wolf is one of the signature traits of the animal. It’s well established in our psyche and if you dream about a howling wolf, it could mean: - That you have been alerted to a problem in your waking life - Someone close to you needs your help - You are struggling with a decision on whether to speak out or remain silent - It is an invitation to join a new social group or reestablish yourself with an existing social group ### What Does it Mean When You Become a Wolf in Your Dreams? To embody the wolf in your dreams is quite rare. If you are the wolf in your dreams, then it could mean that you are seeking its character traits. Your dream could mean: - You are faced with great challenges and you need more strength and resilience - You are seeking to be alone or seeking to join a group. It depends on your perspective. - It could mean that you need more courage to be your true self - There is something or someone that you desire ### What Does it Mean When a Wolf is Watching You in Your Dreams? The eyes of the wolf represent a deep, spiritual connection with nature. If you see a wolf watching you in your dream, it could mean: - Someone close to you knows a deep, personal secret that you’re hiding - Someone close to you will watch over you in a dangerous situation - There’s something that you don’t want to tell someone who is close to you - It’s a confirmation that you are connected and grounded in nature - Something hidden will reveal itself to you very soon ### What Does a Dream About Feeding or Being Fed by Wolves Mean? Wolves take care of their young by nursing them and there are popular historical and mythological references to feeding or being fed by wolves. If you are being fed by wolves or feeding wolves in your dreams, it could mean: - A confirmation that you are a nurturer and you’re ready to become a parent - You are ready to seek a romantic relationship - The wolf feeding you can be a teacher or someone who has an important message for you - The wolf you are feeding represents an emotion that you should embrace or neglect - You are about to embark on a life-changing project or some great venture ### What Does it Mean When You’re Surrounded by Wolves in Your Dreams? Wolves are social animals. When you see a pack of wolves in your dream it could mean the following: - Your family, friends or members of your social group are concerned about your well-being. - You’re feeling anxious about a new job or role in society - The pack could represent a gang or group of attackers. You should be cautious going forward. - Your problems are pressing in around you and you need space - Your family, friends or members of your social group need you ### What Does a Wolf’s Teeth Symbolize in Dreams? Did you see the teeth of a wolf in your dream? Were you bitten by a wolf and it left a tooth in your flesh? These are powerful symbols in wolf dreams that represent a higher level of connection. A wolf’s teeth could mean: - You have made a deep connection with your own inner emotions and thoughts - Something in your deep psyche is troubling you and the urgency is great - Something traumatic that you thought was behind you is in fact still a part of you - The wolf tooth represents a blessing, a sort of confirmation from the spiritual realm - If the wolf is showing its teeth, then you should be cautious but not fearful - The teeth may symbolize an [alpha part of your personality](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) ## Other Meanings of Wolf Dreams Sometimes, the wolf represents nature in general. The wolf is a symbol of primal, wild, aggressive energy. This might be a type of energy that eludes you in your daily life and your sub-conscious mind is trying to exercise and express its primal instincts. Some spiritual and mythological interpretations of the wolf dream go in a completely different direction. Again, it all depends on how you see the wolf. What was the setting like in your dream? Was the wolf in the forest or out of place in the city? A wolf can represent aspects of your personality or it can reveal aspects of the world around you. If you see a wolf in your dream, it could mean that you are strong and ready to embark on a difficult journey. You might also be receiving confirmation that someone is watching over you. ![Scorpio and Taurus match](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/scorpio-and-taurus-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Keeping a dream diary ## The Importance of a Dream Diary Interpreting dreams is difficult, especially since our memory fades away so quickly. Have you ever tried to recall to a friend what happened in your dream and the words just didn’t make any sense? Well, dreams are funny like that. The language of your dreams is uninhibited by the mechanics of the waking world. You might understand that a wolf in your dream represents your father, even though the wolf didn’t say anything. Or you might come to the realization that you are at home, even though you’re not in a house. The context of the dream is important and that’s one of the reasons why you should keep a dream journal ([see Amazon for an example](https://amzn.to/32PbT46)). When you wake up from your dream, it would be helpful if you had a small notebook on your bedside table that you could jot down some of the imagery from your dreams. That way, it’s still fresh in your mind and you can explore the meaning of your dreams privately. If you have reoccurring dreams, then you can go back and trace what happened the last time a wolf showed up in your dreams. A dream journal is an essential tool in dream analysis, and it can help you better understand the inner workings of your own subconscious mind. ## Wrapping it Up When you see a wolf in your dreams, most people respond with a feeling of awe. The wolf is a powerful animal with the capacity to frighten, teach, protect, and guide you. There’s a definite connection there. The wolf is an animal, but it’s also a symbol. It represents ideas in our global consciousness that have existed for thousands of years. These symbols help us clarify what the wolf means in our dreams. However, you have your own symbols and meanings for the wolf. So, what you see in the dream is influenced by your own perceptions and ideas. So, it’s important to try to understand what the wolf means to you specifically. Use your dream journal to make references and try to understand that nothing is inherently wrong or right in your dreams. It is all a lesson from within. Thanks for stopping by. I hope this guide on wolf dreams was helpful. **References:** Artemidorus, *The Interpretation of Dreams*, R.J. White (ed.), New Jersey: Noyes Press, 1975. Revonsuo, A. and C. Salmivalli, 1995, “A Content Analysis of Bizarre Elements in Dreams”, *Dreaming*, 5:169–187 Freud, S. , The Interpretation of Dreams, Brill, A. A. (trans.), Basic Books, New York, 1931. (Originally published in 1900.) French, T., Fromm, E., Dream Interpretation, Basic Books, New York, 1964 Hall, C. S. , The Meaning of Dreams, Harper, New York, 1953 Rosen, M.G., 2013, “What I Make up when I Wake up: Anti-Experience Views and Narrative Fabrication of Dreams”, *Frontiers in Psychology*, 4, doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00514 **Categories:** Growth, Psychology **Tags:** Dream, Dream Analysis, Wolf, Wolves --- ### [Owl Tattoo Meaning For Guys](https://guycounseling.com/owl-tattoos-learn-their-symbolism-and-meaning/) **Published:** September 6, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Owl Symbolism](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/owl-symbolism.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)Owl Tat Meaning Table of Contents Toggle - [Owl Tattoos Meaning for Guys Revealed](#Owl_Tattoos_Meaning_for_Guys_Revealed) - [Owl Tattoos: A Primer](#Owl_Tattoos_A_Primer) - [Owls: What Are They?](#Owls_What_Are_They) - [Owls: Symbolism and Meaning](#Owls_Symbolism_and_Meaning) - [Owl Tattoos](#Owl_Tattoos) - [Owl Tattoo Variations](#Owl_Tattoo_Variations) - [Owl Tattoo Body Locations](#Owl_Tattoo_Body_Locations) - [Owl Myths](#Owl_Myths) - [Owl Light Myth](#Owl_Light_Myth) - [Owl Poll](#Owl_Poll) - [Are Owls Really Aliens?](#Are_Owls_Really_Aliens) ## **Owl Tattoos Meaning for Guys Revealed** **Owl tattoos** are amazing to look at. Much of what attracts people to get an owl tattoo can be traced to what an owl symbolizes and its meaning. While the numbers are not exact, it is estimated that only around .05% of America’s tattoo wearing population has an owl. This makes the person having one extremely unique. To give you a snapshot of just how special owl tattoos are, we think that around 45 million people in the United States have some type of tattoo. Going by the math, this means only 225,000 people have this animal inked somewhere on their body. If you are one of these individuals, consider yourself special. ![owl tattoo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/owl-tattoo.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Owl Tattoo on Neck ### **Owl Tattoos: A Primer** This article will explore everything you ever wanted to know about owls and owl tattoos. We will examine what the owl symbolizes and the owl’s spiritual meaning. For fun, several owl myths have been listed along with a number of owl facts. Other information about owls has been woven into the page, including specifics on why people are so attracted to them. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![Owl tattoos symbolism meaning](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Owl-tattoos-symbolism-meaning.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Owl with Yellow Eyes ### **Owls: What Are They?** Owls are among the oldest forms of life on earth. Fossils of the species date back to the [Paleocene era](http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/history_of_the_earth/Paleocene); which was some 66 million years ago. They are classified as birds and can range in size from a small sparrow to a large eagle. Owls are considered to be nocturnal birds of prey. This is a fancy way of saying they like to hunt at night. All owls hold the universal trait of having a facial disk. There are two different kinds of owls: **1**. Strigid Owls (circular face) and **2.** Tytonid Owls (heart shaped face). **Owl Eyes** One of the magnetic characteristics about owls relates to their eyes. Owls typically have forward-facing eyes that are elongated, wide, and with somewhat thickened corneas. Owls have a high number of light-sensitive rods in their retinas in comparison to other birds. The rods (plus the big eyes) allow them to have a keen sense of vision, particularly in dim light. A common misnomer is that owls can see in total darkness. It’s simply not true. What they can do is pick up on movements in the dark in ways that other animal species cannot. Although not commonly known, owls have extreme hearing. At night, they combine their special auditory capabilities with their specialized nocturnal vision to hunt and capture prey. When you see video of an owl diving deep into the snow to snag a meal, it’s because they are using sight and sound to hone in on their prey. **Other Owl Facts/Features** - Over 100 known species exist - Some owls are on [endangered species](http://rainforests.mongabay.com/endangered/charts/birds-owls.html) list - Some have color vision - They have binocular vision - Excellent sense of hearing - They do not build their own nests - Some live in trees and tree holes - Females are usually larger than males - Most owls are sedentary: few migrate - Equipped with talons for grasping prey - Owls have a third eyelid for lubrication - Owls can have orange, yellow, black, [green](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) or brown eyes. ![Owl Hieroglyphic](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/hieroglyph-of-owl.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Owl Hieroglyphic ### **Owls: Symbolism and Meaning** Owls have come to symbolize many things since ancient times. Archeologists have discovered the mummified remains of owls in Egypt not far from the Pyramid of Giza. These birds of prey have been depicted in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. The Mayans also record Owls in rock walls and etchings of statues. Throughout human history, owls have been part of our collective psyche for reasons we understand and many we do not. These particular birds hold spiritual significance among many cultures and peoples. Let’s take a look at a few: **Native Indians** Tribes that make up the various Native Indian (aka Native American) groups in the Western Hemisphere believe different things about owls. - Pawnee Indians saw owls as a symbol of protection - Ojibwa Indians thought they represented something evil - Pueblo Indians associated the Owl with a God of death - Some tribes viewed Owls as a God of fertility - Many tribes believe Owls impart wisdom And so depending upon the tribe, you will get different meanings for this bird. ![Owl Heart Face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Owl-heart-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Owl with Heart Shaped Face **Spiritual Lore** Owls have often been associated with the afterlife. Part of this has to do with the fact that this animal is a creature of the night. As such, it has been assigned ghoulish traits and characteristics. Examples include owls representing evil spirits or “the dead”. **Owls in Dreams** If you see an owl in your dream, it is supposed to represent wisdom and intelligence. An owl in flight suggests a thirst for knowledge. An owl resting in a tree or looking through your window is thought to be a message from the spirit world to communicate observation. **Zodiac Astrology** Some people believe owls are connected in some way to various Zodiac signs. The primary one happens to be Pisces (February 20-March 20). A full discussion of this Zodiac sign and its association with Pisces can be found on this [Pisces symbols post.](https://guycounseling.com/12-pisces-symbols-you-must-know/) To a lesser degree, owls have been [tied to the Scorpio sign](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) because of the close proximity between the Scorpio constellation and Noctua – otherwise known as the Owl constellation. **Spirit Animals** Spirit Animals (also referred to as Life Animals) by Native Indians contain the owl. Owls are thought to be sent to us from a time and place that is beyond our understanding. This is similar to the phenomenon of hypnosis, which is thought to open up portals of understanding. Their goal is to impart various messages. Some of these owl messages include: - Patience - Wisdom - Observation - Deep thought - Empathic abilities - Truth ![Owl Tattoo on Male Chest](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/owl-chest-tat.jpg?resize=466%2C700&ssl=1)Owl Tattoo on Male Chest ### **Owl Tattoos** Owl tattoos are a favorite among many people, particularly men. People get them in all shapes and sizes with some of the more popular ones adorning individual chests and backs. Many people choose to get an owl tattoo to symbolize something unique about themselves. Others want to send a specific message. Common Owl symbolism tattoos are designed to communicate: - Being mysterious - Being psychic - A mark of independence - A sign of holding secrets - An emblem of death - A sign of ongoing transition - A mark of great wisdom - Symbolic of rarity - Sexual energy - Emblem of strength - Sign of courage ![Owl Tattoos](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/owl-tattoos-what-is-the-meaning-of-owl-tattoo.jpg?resize=600%2C335&ssl=1) ### **Owl Tattoo Variations** There are a number of variations to choose from when it comes to owl tattoos. Much will depend upon the message you are trying to communicate to others. What follows are some options to consider, based on the current data observed from the Internet as well as conversations with tattoo artists. **To Communicate Mystery** If you want to send the message to people you are mysterious, you might want to go with a barn owl tattoo. When you think about a barn owl, they are rarely seen when you try to look for them. The mysterious thing is you know they are present and can feel their eyes watching you – somewhere. **To Communicate Elegance and Class** Some people wish to send the message of elegance or being “classy”. If this is something you would like to do, consider a Snowy Owl. Snowy Owls often appear majestic and dignified, particularly in flight. **To communicate evil, darkness or death** To this day, many cultures view owls as a spiritually evil entity. It is for this reason some people choose to get an owl tattoo. A simple black ink tattoo often sends the desired message. You can also get an owl tattoo depicting its face as a way of communicating death. **To communicate life and spiritualism** If you want to communicate to others the opposite death and instead life, you may wish to get a colorful inked tattoo of an open winged owl. Many choose this as a way of sharing with others their deep sense of spiritualism. Owl tattoos that represent life and spirit often have color. ![owl-tattoos](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/owl-tattoos.jpg?resize=620%2C381&ssl=1) ### **Owl Tattoo Body Locations** Where you choose to put your owl tattoos is entirely up to you. The larger the owl tattoo, the more you communicate the message you want to send about yourself to others. Keep in mind that over the course of time, your owl tattoo will change shape and size because of the aging process. Your skin will also transform over time, taking away from its original look. Because owl tattoos tend to be somewhat intricate, many tattoo artists suggest medium to smaller sized ones. Owl tattoos look great as a standalone tat or in combination with other representations. It just depends on your personality and what you are looking for. Here are some of the common areas people get owl tattoos inked to their skin: - Foot - Shoulder - Back - Arm - Calf - Knee - Chest - Hip - Thigh ![Colorful Owl Tattoo on Chest](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/owl-tattoo-colorful-chest-cool.jpg?resize=550%2C381&ssl=1)Colorful Owl Tattoo on Chest ### **Owl Myths** Owl symbolism is steeped in myth. Some of these myths are based on actual spiritual teachings, passed on from the ancients. Others however, are nothing more than the stuff of non-sense. Here are a few owl myths: - Owls can see totally in the dark - Owls are considered mammals - Owls are psychic - Owls are empathic - Owls eat humans on Halloween - Owls only eat worms - Owls attract evil - Owls symbols are time portals - Owls can’t fart ![mythical owl meaning](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/mythical-owl-meaning.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ### **Owl Light Myth** A lighted owl is thought to attract good luck, according to ancient lore. It is thought that the owl’s eyes in some way transmit positive energy towards all who it casts its gaze upon. Some people have reported that the lighted owl acts as some kind of lucky charm and will touch it before leaving the house each day. ### **Owl Poll** As mentioned throughout this page, owls mean different things to different people. Just for the sake of fun, a poll has been made available for you to share what owl symbols mean to you. ![Noctura Constellation - The Owl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/owl-constellation.jpg?resize=613%2C381&ssl=1)Credit: Ian Ridpath Noctura Constellation ### **Are Owls Really Aliens?** Because of their unique appearance, some have suggested that owls are really aliens that have been sent from outer space. One of the urban legends regarding this bird is that they come from a race of aliens that live in the [Noctua system](https://www.pa.msu.edu/people/horvatin/Astronomy_Facts/obsolete_pages/noctua.htm), deposited on the earth to observe mankind. As the myth goes, the owls communicate through some type of psychic means with Noctuan aliens, regularly reporting their findings. More than a few individuals believe this to be a fact and point to the owl’s mysterious eyes and keen hearing as some type of proof. I hope you found this post helpful. Thanks for visiting. **Categories:** Lore **Tags:** owl meaning, owl symbols, owl tattoos --- ### [What Dreams About Money Mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-money-decoded/) **Published:** September 10, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Dreaming about money ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/dreaming-about-money.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [What Dreaming About Money Might Mean](#What_Dreaming_About_Money_Might_Mean) - [Money Dreams Explored](#Money_Dreams_Explored) - [What is Dream Analysis?](#What_is_Dream_Analysis) - [Symbolism of Money in Dreams](#Symbolism_of_Money_in_Dreams) - [1. Receiving or Winning Money in a Dream](#1_Receiving_or_Winning_Money_in_a_Dream) - [2. Dreams About Being Given Money](#2_Dreams_About_Being_Given_Money) - [3. Saving Money in Dreams](#3_Saving_Money_in_Dreams) - [4. Spending Money in Dreams](#4_Spending_Money_in_Dreams) - [5. Exchanging Money in Dreams](#5_Exchanging_Money_in_Dreams) - [6. Borrowing Money in Dreams](#6_Borrowing_Money_in_Dreams) - [7. Losing money in dreams](#7_Losing_money_in_dreams) - [Dream Symbolism Book](#Dream_Symbolism_Book) - [Dreaming About Money Poll](#Dreaming_About_Money_Poll) - [Myths About Money Dreams](#Myths_About_Money_Dreams) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## What Dreaming About Money Might Mean Are you having dreams about money? Do they involve specific situations, like receiving a gift, winning the lotto or finding cash? Have the dreams been recurring in nature? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Some of the most common dreams people have are themed around money. Many folks think they are a sign of good luck. Others believe they foretell the future. I’ve even talked to preachers who claim monetary symbols are a sign from God. But are any of these interpretations true? ## Money Dreams Explored In my work as a counselor, I’ve had more people share their dream content with me than you can shake a stick at. We’re talking about everything from [being chased](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) by monsters to dancing leprechauns. While I don’t hold myself out to be an expert, I have done enough research around dream symbolism to feel comfortable writing piece. Oh, as long as we’re having this conversation, you may be wondering who I am? What’s my background? Here’s a brief overview. I’m a mental health therapist in the state of Illinois. My education includes a doctorate in psychology with certifications in hypnosis and transcendental meditation. Apart from these things, I also teach college courses at the graduate level in human behavior. You can read more about my bio [via this link](https://guycounseling.com/mens-expert-media-interviews/). With all of that out of the way, let’s **focus on you and those money dreams**. That is why you are here, right? From the outset, it’s important I say now that I don’t have all the answers. The hard truth is **nobody does**. If anyone tries to convince you otherwise, exercise caution – particularly if they are asking for your credit card. ![Dreams about money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "money dreams")What do dreams about money mean? ## What is Dream Analysis? In simple-speak, dream analysis is nothing more than a person exploring dream content and assigning meaning. It’s subjective in nature, meaning the lens through which the individual interprets material is adjusted to fit their belief system. For example, if you tell a Wiccan you dreamed about finding a $100.00 bill on your bed, they may tell you that the money symbolizes “paying the price” for sexual intimacy. On the other hand, if you share that same dream with a Freudian analyst, the person may suggest the bill represents a desire for wealth. Make sense? My point is you really need to look at a person’s worldview to understand how they arrived at their interpretation. Otherwise, it’s just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. Speaking for myself, I am a “here and now” psychotherapist. Mostly pulling from cognitive behavioral therapy, I tend to assess dream material as present-day focused. That said, it doesn’t mean I’m not integrative. Where it applies, I’ll pull upon various schools of thought, including [Jungian psychology](https://www.thesap.org.uk/resources/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/about-analysis-and-therapy/analytical-psychology/), which contains spiritual elements. I’m sharing this with you because all that follows is based on that eclectic worldview – mixed with teachings from the ancients. ![Money symbolism in dreams - what does it mean?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/dreams-money.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Symbolism of money in dreams ## Symbolism of Money in Dreams Most dream experts believe money symbolizes one or more of the following in dreams: - Power - Wealth - Prosperity - Self-confidence - Success - Happiness - Wisdom - Growth - Good luck - Spiritualism - Fear What I want to share with you right now is this – **dreams cannot be taken at face value**. In other words, the images you see in a dreamscape almost always have a hidden meaning. Example: If you have a dream about winning $10,000.00 on a slot machine, the three-red sevens you see may speak to a more youthful time in your life – like when you were 21 (7×3=21). In this case, seeing the number “21” may be your subconscious trying to gently nudge you to be more carefree. This point is particularly true if you’ve been experiencing a lot of stress or [struggling with anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/). That’s not to say you shouldn’t go play the Wheel of Fortune in Vegas. But it is to suggest that all dream symbols have meaning. That’s why I’m urging you to view everything in context. Are we solid? At any rate, let’s examine seven common money dreams, framing each experience with the symbolisms mentioned above. ![gold coin in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/gold-coins-in-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreaming of receiving money like gold coins? ## 1. Receiving or Winning Money in a Dream If you have a dream about receiving money, like winning the lottery or finding cash, conventional wisdom suggests it is a sign of good luck. That very well could be true. But the money could also represent the need for hope in your life. Are you going through a tough time? Does your situation seem overwhelming? If so, money may be a psychological manifestation of something tangible to hold on to. A sign that things will get better. Conversely, the promise of sudden cash could also speak to a deeply held desire for the unexpected – **a subconscious hope to move away from the predictable**. If the receiving dream is recurring, like picking the exact numbers appearing on a Powerball ticket, try to remember what those numbers are. Using mindful meditation, focus on what the digits mean to you. It’s possible they are trying to communicate something. Only you will know what that “something” might be. Finally, Hellenistic Greeks believed dreams about receiving money were signs from the Gods of good fortune. Does this mean you are about to strike it rich? Only time will tell. ## 2. Dreams About Being Given Money Dreams about being given money are important because they represent a spiritual gift. For example, if a stranger (let’s say an old man) appears in your dream and hands you a gold coin, he could be giving you wisdom. The hint? That’s simple – his age. Symbolically, elderly people are thought to be the purveyors of sacred truth (wisdom). FYI: that person doesn’t have to be a stranger. He or she could be someone you know – [even a dead relative](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/). What’s critical is to **focus on who is giving you the money**. But what if the person who hands you cash (or a form of cash like a check) is a child? Does this mean they are imparting something spiritual, too? The short answer is **yes**. Almost always, children who appear in dreams bearing the gift of money are sharing unconditional love. And when you think about it, doesn’t this make sense? In many cases, the imagination will conjure up someone as a symbolic gesture of support. If you are struggling with a difficult decision, an older person may appear to provide wisdom. Conversely, if you are focusing too much on others while neglecting your own needs, a money-offering child may appear as a reminder to love yourself. ![saving money in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/washington-money-dollar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Saving money in dreams? ## 3. Saving Money in Dreams If you are having dreams about saving money, there can be many different interpretations. A common belief is that the act itself is a projection of anxiety. In other words, you may hold fears about not having enough cash for the future. During sleep, your subconscious may express this worry through hording coins. Some people dream about shoveling money into bank vaults or safes. Others report seeing their hand writing a check – to themselves. Savings dreams are almost always about a deep desire for security and prosperity. The questions you will want to explore are: “Am I worried about my financial future?” and  “Is there someone close to me I’m financially concerned about?” Knowing these answers may help you to understand what savings themed dreams are all about. ## 4. Spending Money in Dreams Are you dreaming about spending money? Do you see yourself buying items with a credit card or cash? Curious about what’s going on? The truth is it’s hard to know. That’s because spending dreams can be interpreted as “good” or “bad. They fall under the “good” category with the items purchased symbolize personal growth or self-confidence. Examples of “good” include buying a book (knowledge) or charging grooming products to your credit card (self-confidence). These activities are about renewal and loving yourself. But if you are buying things that you know are harmful to you, they can symbolize “bad”. Example. If you are an alcoholic with sober-time under your belt, a dream about buying a bottle of whiskey could be a subconscious relapse fear. The same holds true if you are on a diet. Should you conjure up mental imagery of buying a bag of donuts, the act itself could speak to worries about failure. So, what’s the bottom line? Focus on what you are spending that cash on. It might even help to [keep a dream journal](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dreaming-in-the-digital-age/201705/keeping-dream-journal) (Bulkeley, 2017). ![exchanging money in dreams revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/exchanging-money-in-a-dream.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Exchanging money in dreams ## 5. Exchanging Money in Dreams Are you seeing people exchange money in dreams? Do you see a spouse, friend, or family member giving money to someone you know? If the answer is yes, that dream could relate to feelings of envy. I’m not saying that is absolutely what’s going on. But I am suggesting that many dream experts believe money hand-offs are about jealousy. But here is the thing – you can’t focus on coins or other forms of cash being exchanged. Instead, center your awareness on the people. *Who* is giving and *who* is receiving. What feelings come up when you think of these people? Do you believe the giver owes you something but is favoring another? If so, what’s that all about? Remember earlier when I mentioned that dreams cannot be taken for face value? More than ever, this rules applies to money exchanging dreams. ## 6. Borrowing Money in Dreams If your dreams focuses on borrowing money from someone, like a friend or relative, conventional wisdom holds that the dreamer has overextended themselves. But I’m not so sure about that. Based on my research, it is my belief that the act of **borrowing cash in dreams really speaks to a perceived deficit and not necessarily financial**. So, what on earth could it be? The answer depends on who is being asked for a loan. For example, if it is a friend, this could be your mind’s way of asking for something you perceive they possess that you do not. For example, is your friend mentally tough? Do you wish you held this trait? And what if you are asking for money from a parent? Well, it’s possible your mind is projecting your mom or dad as symbols of stability at a time when you may feel unstable. A great question to ask yourself when the act of borrowing pops up in a dream is *who* is involved and *what* do they mean to you? ![dreaming about losing money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/money-cash-dollars-bills.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Lost money in dreams ## 7. Losing money in dreams The final theme that is present for many dreamers is losing money. In many cases, a person will see themselves losing cash just when they need it most. Examples include stepping up to a counter to buy a train ticket and realizing you don’t have the money you thought you had. Another common scenario involves misplacing money at a critical juncture, like trying to buy groceries at the market while a long line snakes behind  you. When you reach for the dough, it’s not there. So, what might be going on here? Many believe these types of dreams speak to subconscious fears of not being prepared. They almost always occur during times of transition, like moving out on your own, getting a new job, or adjusting to a major life change. Infused with the fear are feelings of shame and embarrassment. If you’ve ever gone to purchase something and had a credit card declined, you know what I mean. The point is losing money in dreams is often about not having enough or not being ready. If these types of dreamscapes are happening for you, it might be a good idea to explore what these fears are all about. Has this been a regular theme in your life? Do you hold a lot of [anxiety about losing control](https://guycounseling.com/fear-losing-control-12141/)? ## Dream Symbolism Book One thing that might help you to better understand some of the imagery you see in dreams is a book of symbols. There are tons of them on the market. Personally, I like the Complete Dictionary of Dreams by Dr. Michael Lennox ([See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2sJHwvv)). What’s helpful with this resource are the many symbols presented by the author. Simply put, it’s an amazing read! ## Dreaming About Money Poll Just for fun, I am posting an anonymous poll above that focuses on common dreams scenarios involving money. Think of this as an entertainment activity and not something scientific. Still, the results may offer insight into what other people are dreaming about. If you don’t see the poll above, [click on this link](http://poll.fm/5x54p). ## Myths About Money Dreams Because so much of dream interpretation is based on myth, I thought it might be helpful to briefly touch on this topic. For the record, I’m not saying any of these are true or untrue. Instead, I’m merely listing major myths. Most of these can be traced to ancient teachings, old-world culture, and urban legend. Check it out: - Winning money in dreams is a sign to play the lottery. - Dreams about finding money are about opportunity. - Being gifted money by someone is a sign of love. - [Dreams about snakes](https://guycounseling.com/snake-means-symbolizes-dreams/) and money are a sign of death. - If you get money from a blue-eyed person, it’s good luck. - If you lose money in a dream, it’s a bad omen. - [Dreaming about fish](https://guycounseling.com/fish-dream-meaning/) relates to cash ## Bringing It All Together Remember, dreams are subjective in nature. Nobody has all the answers. Believe it or not, the most knowledgeable person about your dreamscape is you. Thanks for stopping by. – References Bulkeley, W. (2017, May 27). Keeping a dream journal. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dreaming-in-the-digital-age/201705/keeping-dream-journal Photo credits: Deposit Photos **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Interpretation, Dream Meaning, Dreams, Money --- ### [Top 65 Irish Saying and Proverbs You Might Not Know](https://guycounseling.com/top-irish-sayings-proverbs/) **Published:** January 29, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![irish sayings](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/irish-sayings.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do you know these Irish sayings? Hunting around for Irish sayings? Searching for witty Irish proverbs? Hoping to find some funny Irish quotes? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. If there’s one thing the Irish have down in spades is the gift of gab. In fact, I’ve never met an Irishman who didn’t like to talk. OK, maybe I’m generalizing a bit. But I have to say most of the folks I’ve met from Ireland really are great talkers. As a man who is part Irish ([Ancestry DNA](http://amzn.to/2DViSwa) says I’m 25%), I’ve always been fascinated with the culture. In the early 1990’s, I was fortunate enough to travel up and down the west Irish coast, thanks to a friend from Cork who gave me a multi-day tour. I’ll never forget visiting Blarney Castle and kissing the Blarney stone. Oh, didn’t you know? Legend has it that if your lips touch this piece of rock, you’ll receive a bit of good luck! Since that visit, I’ve spent a considerable amount of time studying my Irish roots and by extension, the people of the Emerald Isle. What I’ve discovered is that I’ve got tons of relatives who still live there. Most reside in the province of [Connacht](http://www.svpal.org/~colleeng/connacht/frame.html) in towns like Castlebar and Westport (County Mayo). Others live in small coastal communities, like Galway Bay and Lettermore (County Galway). Apparently, I’ve even got relations buried in one of the oldest operating cemeteries on the planet at [Ballintubber Abbey](http://www.ballintubberabbey.ie/). ![Ballintubber Abbey](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Ballintubber-Abbey.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Ballintubber Abbey Cemetery in County Mayo, Ireland At any rate, I’ve kept a small diary over the years to record various Irish sayings. Some have been shared by friends. Others by distant relatives. And a few I’ve jotted down from online. While I can’t be sure, I’m thinking several were inspired from the likes of Oscar Wilde and Jonathan Swift. I suppose I’ll never really know. So, for what it’s worth, here’s **65 Irish sayings and proverbs** that might surprise you. I’m dedicating this to my great grandparents – both immigrants from Ireland who started their American lives in Chicago. “Gramps” worked for Chicago Surface Lines, which would later become the Chicago Transit Authority (CTA). His wife was a domestic worker and stay at home mom. And so without further ado, here’s 65 Irish sayings! ![Irish sayings and proverbs that are funny](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/irish-sayings-irish-castle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Irish Castle ## 65 Irish Sayings and Proverbs 1. Who keeps his tongue keeps his friends 2. May you get all your wishes but one, so that you will always have something to strive for! 3. May your home always be too small to hold all your friends! 4. Seeing is believing, but feeling is the God’s own truth. 5. He who lies down with dogs will rise with fleas. 6. You must take the small potato with the big potato. 7. May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live! 8. We make plans and God laughs. 9. Praise the ripe field not the green corn. 10. May you have food and clothing and a soft pillow for your head. May you be forty years in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead! 11. May your heart be light and happy, may your smile be big and wide, and may your pockets always have a coin or two inside! 12. “A life making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing at all.” – George Bernard Shaw. 13. Forgetting about a debt doesn’t mean it’s paid. 14. May you have the luck of the Irish! 15. If you come up in this world be sure not to go down in the next. 16. It is more difficult to maintain honor than to become prosperous. 17. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, and never catch up. 18. Lose an hour in the morning and you’ll be looking for it all day. 19. The time to repair a roof is when the sun is shining. 20. Honey is sweet, but don’t lick it off a briar. 21. Better good manners than good looks. ![Blarney Castle Ireland](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Castle-Blarney.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Blarney Castle 22. If you come up in this world be sure not to go down in the next. 23. You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind. 24. Pity the man who makes an opinion a certainty. 25. May your heart be light and happy, may your smile be big and wide, and may your pockets always have a coin or two inside! 26. If you buy what you don’t need you might have to sell what you do. 27. Better be sparing at first than at last. 28. Better the trouble that follows death than the trouble that follows shame. 29. If you’re enough lucky to be Irish… You’re lucky enough! 30. If you want praise, die. If you want blame, marry. 31. You can be right or happy. 32. Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint and another one! 33. May you always have a clean shirt, a clear conscience, and enough coins in your pocket to buy a pint! 34. Here’s to me, and here’s to you. And here’s to love and laughter. I’ll be true as long as you. And not one moment after. 35. Don’t let the door hit you in the arse on the way out! 36. When the tongue slips, it speaks the truth. 37. A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures! 38. If it’s drowning you are after, don’t torment yourself with shallow water. 39. Here’s to women’s kisses, and to whiskey, amber clear. Not as sweet as a woman’s kiss, but a darn sight more sincere! 40. May neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, the angels protect you, and Heaven accept you. 41. May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far! ![Dunluce Castle Ireland](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Dunluce-Castle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dunluce Castle 42. It’ better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money! 43. It is easy to halve a potato where there’s love. 44. May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent. 45. You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your father was. 46. Being fat is a sign of a good cook at home. 47. May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse. 48. Just because your face is wrinkled doesn’t mean you aren’t young at heart. 49. A man may live after losing his life but not after losing his honor. 50. May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short. 51. May the strength of three be in your journey! 52. May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door. 53. These things, I warmly wish for you- Someone to love, some work to do, a bit of o’ sun, a bit o’ cheer. And a guardian angel always near. 54. May you live long, die happy, and rate a mansion in heaven. ![beautiful Irish Castle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/castles-in-ireland.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Beautiful Irish Castle 55. May good luck be with you wherever you go, And your blessing outnumber the shamrocks that grow. 56. May you be half an hour in Heaven before the Devil knows you’re dead. 57. May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, May the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand. 58. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. 59. May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty! 60. May good luck be your friend in whatever you do, and may trouble always be a stranger to you! 61. May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten. 62. I’m Irish and Catholic – see my picture in the dictionary next to the word guilt. 63. This isn’t a hangover – it’s the Irish flu. 64. May the road rise up to meet you! 65. Two people shorten the road. — Castle Photo Credits: Pixabay **Categories:** Lore **Tags:** DNA, Ireland, Irish Sayings, Proverbs --- ### [You Aren’t As Psychic as You Think, Says Science](https://guycounseling.com/not-psychic-deja-vu-311/) **Published:** March 1, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![psychic Déjà vu or nonsense?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-Man-in-the-Universe.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Short Version** A new research paper has been published that suggests people who experience Déjà vu or believe they can predict the future are not as psychic as they think. ## **Long Version** Have you ever walked into a place and got the overwhelming sensation that you had been there before? When engaging in a random activity, like having coffee with friends, was there a moment where you said in your mind, “I’ve done this before!” If the answer yes, you likely experienced the well-known phenomenon called Déjà vu. That’s French for “already seen”. I’ve certainly experienced this in the past and it kind of wigged me out. Well, if this has happened to you, it’s possible you attributed the experience to being psychic – with the uncanny gift of being able to predict the future. Sorry to break this to you but according to newly released research, that familiar experience was (probably) nothing more than your mind playing tricks on you, thanks to meta-cognitive bias. Don’t take my word for it. Instead, check out the latest paper published in the peer-reviewed journal, *[Psychological Science](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0956797617743018)*. It’s a real eye-opener. Authored by Anne Cleary, a professor of psychology at Colorado State University and co-authored by former graduate learner, Alexander Claxton, the paper explains how both researchers recreated situations with participants to encourage déjà vu. So, what did they find out? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3o7aDc1yrqCe0C8PeM/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Simply put, they discovered that people were no better able to predict the future than if they were simply guessing. But here’s the kicker. When these participants were experiencing Déjà vu, they truly believed they held psychic abilities. **Related:** [What dreams about money mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-money-decoded/) Cleary and Claxton conclude that Déjà vu is nothing more than a mental illusion, brought on by a feeling state. The more you *think* you have supernatural abilities, the more likely you are to believe you can predict what will happen next – particularly during Déjà vu. There is one curious item, however, that kind of stood out in the study’s press release. According to Cleary, even hardcore scientists who don’t believe in things like past life regression or the supernatural have whispered to her, “Do you have an explanation for why I have this?” Her response is that people reach for the psychic card because the experiences themselves are **mysterious and subjective**. She will be conducting follow up investigations in the future to learn more about Déjà vu and by extension,  folks who think they posses psychic powers. **Categories:** News **Tags:** deja-vu, Dreams, psychic, supernatural --- ### [What Is a Wake and What Do I Wear?](https://guycounseling.com/wake-funeral-questions/) **Published:** August 16, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![wake stained glass](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/wake-stained-glass.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Going to a wake? Here’s what to expect Recently, a client phoned me to ask: *What is a wake?* Apparently, he was too embarrassed to query his friends and decided to obtain the answer from a discrete source. That’s the interesting thing about being a counselor. You get all sorts of questions from folks that aren’t always related to mental health. In my client’s case (let’s call him Ryan) he shared that a coworker had suddenly passed away after some type of accident. Not wanting to pry, I offered my condolences and went about the business of answering his questions. He had many. In a nutshell, here’s what Ryan asked and my responses. ## What is a wake? In the traditions of the Catholic faith, wakes are gatherings where mourners pay their condolences to family members and other loved ones of the departed. In the United States, wakes are almost always held at a funeral home and typically occur one or two nights in advance of the burial. In many ways, modern-day wakes are similar to visitations. ## Why are they called wakes? The word wake is a shortened version of “awake” with its roots coming to us from the [Celtic traditions](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/074811800200487) of Ireland. Back in the day when someone died, family members and close friends would stay up all night long in the presence of the body. You may be wondering why? It’s simple. Some believed that the dead person’s soul was vulnerable to possession and needed protection until the body was planted into the ground. To ward off evil spirits, mourners would remain “awake” throughout the night and act as a living shield, through prayer, on behalf of the soul. Typically, prayers were would start at dusk and end at dawn. After the body was buried in the ground, the deceased person’s soul was considered safe. ![wake funeral](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-funeral.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)A wake is a chance to say goodbye ## What happens at a wake? Nowadays, wakes are similar to standard visitations. Some refer to this as “calling hours”. While each wake is unique, typically friends and family members come to a funeral home where the body of the departed rests in a [casket](https://guycounseling.com/costco-coffin-review/) (coffin). Sometimes the casket is open and sometimes it’s not. Much depends on the circumstances surrounding the person’s death and the decision of family members to show the remains. If you are going to attend a wake, there’s a good chance you’ll walk into the funeral home and find the deceased person’s name on a marquis. For example: “Bob Jones – Chapel A”. Upon entering the room, you’ll likely see chairs and couches positioned in rows directly in front of the body. In addition, there’s a very good chance you’ll see a memorial book nearby. It is customary for mourners to sign their names to the book and even write a note. Even if you didn’t know the person who passed or wasn’t particularly close to them, you still want to sign the book. It’s just proper etiquette. Oh, one more thing about the book. If it is a true Catholic wake, there’s probably going to be prayer (funeral) cards positioned nearby. Typically, the card shows a religious symbol on the front and a spiritual message on the back. The name of the person, their date of birth and date they passed, also appear somewhere (usually backside). Just like signing the book, it is considered proper etiquette to take a card. ## How long do wakes last? Much depends on what kind of arrangements were made by family members. Some wakes start early in the day, like 2 pm and go until 9 pm. Others start much later, like 6p, and end before 10 pm. As a general rule, the closer you were to the departed, the more time you will probably spend at a wake. If you didn’t know the person or only casually knew them, you probably won’t spend much time there. Again, it just depends on your relationship with the deceased. ![man with blue shirt at a wake funeral](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blue-shirt-career-coach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What to do at a wake ## What do I do at a wake? Once you sign the book and grab a prayer card, you have some options. If you are of the Christian faith, you would most likely walk up to the casket and say a brief prayer. This isn’t required. Some people aren’t comfortable around dead bodies. That’s completely okay. I’m merely sharing a basic tradition. Regardless if you approach the casket or not, you will want to offer your condolences to the family. Most often, immediate family members are seated near the casket, such as on a couch or a row of chairs. As an aside, here are 10 things you [never want to say at a funeral](https://guycounseling.com/funeral-etiquette-never-say-251/) or wake. Doing so can cause deep pain for those left behind. After you’ve shared your sorrows with the family, you can either take a seat towards the back of the chapel or if invited, with a family member towards the front. Here are some other things to look out for at a wake: - It’s okay to pop in for a few minutes, pay your respects and leave. There are no rules about how long you must stay. - Many funeral homes have coffee breakrooms or lounges, away from the chapel. It’s OK to share a cup of coffee and a memory about the departed with other mourners in this space. - Sometimes, a priest will offer prayers. Usually, this happens towards the end of the visitation. Should this happen, feel free to partake in the spiritual experience. ## What should I wear to a wake? If you are invited to a wake (or visitation) of someone, think semi-formal. That’s because wakes are not the same as funerals where it is expected that you dress up. Here’s a handy guide on what [men should wear to a wake or funeral](https://guycounseling.com/men-wear-funeral-memorial-142/) with clothing examples. Bear in mind the closer you were to the departed, the more formal the attire. ## If I go to the wake, can I skip the funeral? Close family members are expected to attend the wake and funeral of the departed. Others, such as casual friends, co-workers or acquaintances, aren’t held to this same standard. Like most everything mentioned above, much will depend on your relationship with the departed or their family members. In the case of my client Ryan, he really wasn’t all that close to his coworker and only knew her casually. Ultimately, he ended up paying his respects and staying for thirty minutes. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Casket, Death, Funeral, Wake --- ### [What Makes Zombies So Popular?](https://guycounseling.com/zombies-popular/) **Published:** October 24, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![zombies](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/zombie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why zombies captivate the imagination Zombies are a mainstay in pop culture and entertainment. They are one of the most user-friendly monsters that humans have ever created. They’re sluggish, gory and strikingly familiar. At times, zombies are portrayed as frightening, unstoppable abominations that crawl out of the grave to eat your brain. In other manifestations, zombies can be used to produce fodder for comedies like *Shawn of the Dead* and *Warm Bodies.* Why do people love zombies so much though? What is it about them that keeps them lurking around in our social media feeds all year long, not just around Halloween? Here are a few reasons why zombies are so frikkin’ cool: ## 1. Entertainment Value *AMC’s The Walking Dead* is one of the most popular TV shows ever produced and the series has a die-hard following. With almost 10 years of airtime and 131 episodes of content, *The Walking Dead* just keeps on going. That’s no small feat when the word “dead” is embedded in the title. Zombies are being wasted by the dozens in every episode, so much so, that each episode ends with a recap of all the walkers that’ve been killed. Also, a number of main characters are killed-off each season. So far, 42 significant characters have been killed, either by zombies or other survivors of the zombie apocalypse. Yet, this show has staying power because of the incredible source material. It’s based on a comic book by Robert Kirkman that is still producing issues. Sometimes, the TV show diverges from the storyline of the comic books, but Kirkman’s comic book stories provide showrunners with new characters and plotlines to keep the suspenseful drama going strong. **Related:** [What dreams about dead people mean](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/) *AMC’s The Walking Dead* is waning in popularity though. Audiences might have a case of zombie-fatigue after eight seasons or perhaps they were disenchanted by the long, protracted war between Rick’s group and Negan’s group – an all-out war that tugged on the audience’s emotional heartstrings and tested their patience to the limits. Before that, audience numbers were incredibly high. In season 5, a single episode garnered 17.29 million viewers. To put that in perspective, HBO’s hit show *Game of Thrones* is also based on a book, but its highest viewing numbers peaked at 8.89 million. Let’s face it folks – zombies are scary *and* fun. I’m a big fan of *AMC’s The Walking Dead* and I’ve seen nearly every episode. My love for the show prompted me to envision a different kind of zombie apocalypse, one in which humans have created the zombies and must survive to develop a worldwide cure. If you love zombies as much as I do, then be sure to check out my latest novel – The Zombie Doctor ([See Amazon](http://a.co/d/gMLwsPP)). ## 2. An Apocalypse We Can Handle It happens every few years – someone comes up with a scenario that brings humanity to the brink of global catastrophe and it just so happens to be coming soon. THE APOCALYPSE. You might remember Y2K, the Mayan Calendar and 2012, or even various religious prophesies about the end of the world coming soon. For some reason, humanity loves entertaining the notion that soon we’re all about to be wiped off the face of the earth. Shmuel Lissek, a neuroscientist from the University of Minnesota, believes that our love for doomsday is closely linked to the fear mechanisms in our brain. Any hint of alarm triggers fear and helps us survive. “Apocalyptic beliefs make existential threats—the fear of our mortality—predictable,” Lissek says. In [a study](https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/observations/psychology-reveals-the-comforts-of-the-apocalypse/) on the science of fear, Lissek found that when subjects were able to anticipate a traumatic or painful experience, they were more likely to relax and prepare for the worst. That makes sense when you consider the zombie apocalypse. Zombies are slow-moving creatures and lack cognitive functions. They present a danger, for sure, but they can be dispatched with a well-timed blow to the head. In my book THE ZOMBIE DOCTOR, the protagonist’s preferred weapon against zombies is an industrial-strength hammer. Zombies give humans a fighting chance to save themselves even though this type of apocalypse would be devastating to our way of life. Just imagine that your long dead relatives have returned from the grave and you must re-kill them to survive. Pretty gruesome stuff, right? It’s highly unlikely to occur, which transfers fear into excitement. Like Lissek suggest, we can anticipate the zombies and relax our fight-or-flight instinct just long enough to have a good time. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/NhOUPFbEqAX5u/giphy.gif?resize=333%2C333&ssl=1) ## 3. The Promise of Violence Zombies are mindless creatures that can’t understand reason. They have one single motivation and that’s to feed an insatiable hunger cooked up from the bowels of Hell. The only way to stop them is to unleash your own primal instincts and get violent. Zombies don’t respond well to negotiations, but they seem to respect a good slash and bash. Zombies promise violence in a very simple package. Either they will eat you alive or you’ll kill them first. There isn’t much else to it. Violence has a strange and intriguing effect on the brain. It’s very similar to our reaction to pleasure. Violence releases dopamine, the feel-good hormone. Maria Couppis, who conducted [a study on violence](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080114103723.htm) at Vanderbilt University, found that aggression can be just as rewarding as sex or drugs. “It is well known that dopamine is produced in response to rewarding stimuli such as food, sex and drugs of abuse,” notes Couppis. “What we have now found is that it also serves as positive reinforcement for aggression.” Some people seek out violent encounters simply for the pleasurable response that they elicit. One of the reasons we love zombies so much is that we can imagine ourselves knocking through a horde of hungry zombies and exercising that violent side of ourselves in a predictable and morally-acceptable fashion. Violence is a basic form of human expression, but there are fewer and fewer suitable avenues to demonstrate it in our civilized society. There’s martial arts and simulated violence through entertainment, but the consequences of using violence in the “real world” are so high that most people have never even thrown a punch at another human being. Zombie apocalypse stories are violent by nature. Imagining ourselves dealing with zombies automatically implies aggression and makes us feel good. Zombies don’t fall within moral guidelines either. Killing a zombie won’t challenge your morality. It’s a safe shot of aggression-fueled dopamine for your brain. ## 4. Zombies are Relaxing? If your eyebrows raised at the idea of zombies helping us to relax, then hear me out. Consider your day-to-day grind. You’ve got responsibilities at work. You’ve got an endless barrage of ideas and images coming at you from every screen you pass all day long. You’ve got national, societal, religious and cultural expectations that constantly nag at your decision-making process. And to top it all off, that guy just cut you off during rush hour traffic. **Related:** [Why am I dreaming of being chased?](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) That’s the world we live in, but a zombie apocalypse returns us to a simpler way of life. Governments have crumbled. Technology has failed us. And the only duty we truly have left is to stay alive. It might sound paradoxical but trying to stay alive in a zombie apocalypse could actually be relaxing compared to the stressful world we live in today. You don’t have any emails to answer. You don’t have any car payments to make. Sounds good, right? Zombies take away some of our stress because they remove us from the day-to-day routine and transplant our imaginations into a world where simplicity reigns supreme. The task is clear: survive. The enemy is even clearer: mindless zombies.  Now, isn’t that relaxing? ## The Takeaway Zombies can be utterly terrifying when presented in a suspenseful setting with genuine peril and risk involved. Yet, they can also be silly, dim-witted, knuckle-draggers who you don’t have to feel guilty about destroying. That’s the beauty of zombies – they’re versatile and universally appealing. Watching zombies on television or reading zombie thrillers exercises our emotions in such a captivating way. They’re certainly dangerous, but just slightly. They’re ethereal and haunting, but they were once human beings just like you and me. That makes them special and useful to our core motivations. I love zombies and I’d love to know what you love about zombies, too. If you were in a zombie apocalypse, what would be your weapon of choice against the foot-dragging, undead minions? **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Dead, Death, Undead, Zombies --- ### [What Dreaming About Driving a Car Means](https://guycounseling.com/driving-car-dream-meaning/) **Published:** November 5, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![driver man car](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/driver.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [What do dreams about driving a car mean?](#What_do_dreams_about_driving_a_car_mean) - [Car Dreams Explored](#Car_Dreams_Explored) - [The Symbolism of Driving Dreams](#The_Symbolism_of_Driving_Dreams) - [Being Behind the Wheel](#Being_Behind_the_Wheel) - [Being a Passenger](#Being_a_Passenger) - [Dreams About Losing Control](#Dreams_About_Losing_Control) - [Roads and Streets in Dreams](#Roads_and_Streets_in_Dreams) - [Meaning of a Car in Dreams](#Meaning_of_a_Car_in_Dreams) - [Myths About Driving Dreams](#Myths_About_Driving_Dreams) - [How to Interpret Driving Dreams](#How_to_Interpret_Driving_Dreams) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## What do dreams about driving a car mean? Are you having dreams about driving a car? When they happen, do you see yourself behind the wheel? Is someone else steering, making you the passenger? If you are answering yes to any of the above, you wouldn’t be alone. Car driving dreams – in all of their different forms – are a frequent occurrence among many people. If you are a man, you probably envisioned yourself in a sports car or pickup. If you are a woman, it’s likely you were in a hatchback or compact. That’s not a hard and fast rule but instead, an observation. Regardless of the type of vehicle you dreamed about, you ultimately want to know this dream means? And so that’s what this post is all about – car dreams. **In this article, we will explore:** - The meaning of cars in dreams - The significance of being the driver - Interpreting the meaning of being a passenger - What reckless driving could mean - The symbolic meaning of the road - Car dream symbolism - Myths about driving dreams ![car driving dreams - what do they mean?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/driving-a-car.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreaming about driving a car? ## Car Dreams Explored If you are a follower of this blog, you likely know that from time to time, I will pen pieces about dreams. An example can be found in [what it means to dream about a crush](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/). As I share in each of these kinds of posts, I’ll give you some of my background. After all, if I were looking for answers, I’d want to know something about the author. Here is a brief thumbnail sketch. I’m a mental health counselor in the state of Illinois. My educational background includes a doctoral degree in general psychology with a board certification in hypnotherapy and substance abuse. Apart from these credentials, I also teach college courses related to behavioral health – including personality psychology. In both areas (counseling and teaching) the topic of dreams comes up frequently. We’re talking everything from [what money means in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) to what dreams about dead people signify. Over the years, I’ve observed that most people, regardless of religious or spiritual background, are curious about such topics. But here is what you need to know – while I have a great deal of experience researching dream symbolism, I don’t promise to have all the answers. In truth, nobody does. ![what do driving dreams mean?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/race-car-vehicle.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do you dream of a racing car? The reality is dream analysis is completely subjective in nature. For example, I may suggest that the dream you had about losing control of a car is symbolic of anxiety. Someone else may tell you that same dream is about a subconscious fear. And so my point is that you need to be open to different ideas use that insight to create a mosaic of what may be going on. This allows you to derive meaning from your dream content in a way that works best for your situation. Does this make sense? In my case, I will talk about car dreams through the eclectic lens of Carl Jung; a famous psychotherapist who sometimes used spiritual elements to help people understand themselves through the [active imagination](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/transcending-the-past/201610/understand-your-dreams-using-jungs-active-imagination) (Kushner, 2016). I’m sharing this with you so that you understand my framework. My promise is to present material that is straightforward and direct, devoid of psycho-babble. Now let’s move on to assessing the meaning of dreams about driving. ![Dreams about driving cars](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dream analysis: A Closer Look ## The Symbolism of Driving Dreams Most experts in the field of dream analysis believe driving dreams symbolize one or more of the following: - Life direction - The need to control - A loss of control - Taking responsibility - Adventure - Bad choices - Decision making (past and present) - Fears about death and dying The key point to understand now is that **dreams should not be taken at face value**. In other words, all that you see has some type of hidden meaning. For example, if you see yourself driving a muscle car like a Ford Thunderbird, it’s likely the content of that dream isn’t about the vehicle but instead, related to something masculine or feminine. This is why I encourage people to look at everything in their dreams through the lens of symbolism. By doing so, you will be better able to arrive at your dream’s meaning. Further down in this post, I will offer you a resource that can help on that front. Let’s continue. ![Symbolism of cars in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/car-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are you in control of the car? ## Being Behind the Wheel If you dreamed of being behind the wheel of a car, it generally speaks the level of control you have over events in your life. They can also symbolize your life’s direction. **Questions:** Are you alone in the car? This may represent the level of confidence you feel about a recent life decision. Examples include taking a new job, [ending a relationship](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) with another or choosing to not attend an event. Is someone next to you? If so, who is it? Knowing the answer to that question is important. If it is a family member, such as a parent, child or close friend, their presence could have something to do with the relationship you share with them. Are you making any decisions in the here and now that somehow impact their life? If so, what’s that all about? Only you will know the answer to that question. It’s possible the subconscious could be communicating to you a message of reassurance. Now, what if you dream about someone who has died sitting next to you? Does this mean anything? The answer is *maybe*. The reality is dreams about dead people are often symbolic of unfinished business. See this post about [the meaning of death dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) to learn more. ## Being a Passenger If you are having dreams about being a passenger in a car, it usually relates to not feeling in control of your life or your ultimate destiny. **Questions:** The driver of the car is important. Do you recognize who they are? Knowing the answer will go a long way in helping you to arrive at a place of understanding. Many people report seeing their mother or father behind the wheel. Others report a child. And still, others have shared they don’t know who the driver is but can somehow sense familiarity. A question to reflect on is: *Do I feel I am in control of where I am going in life or is someone else making the decisions?* ![dreams about losing control of a car](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/speeding-car.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do you lose control of the car – Do the breaks not work? ## Dreams About Losing Control A scary car related dream involves imagery where you lose control of the car. Typically, people envision themselves driving a vehicle and not being able to stop because they breaks don’t work. A variation is driving a speeding car that is careening out of control. And yet another is a dream where someone is [chasing you](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) from behind in a fast moving vehicle – and you don’t know who it is. As a rule of thumb, these types of dreams speak to deeply held fears about something going on in your life. Many people think it relates to personal finances, such as worries about debt. It could also relate to health – meaning yours. Are you struggling with weight issues? Do you worry about a specific condition – or the health of someone you love? ## Roads and Streets in Dreams There are many different ways to interpret what the road ahead of you means in a dream. Here are some basic ways to view this through the lens of symbolism: - A straight road often means a clear path ahead - A winding road speaks to a life complication - Bumpy roads speak to problems in the here and now - Hilly roads can be about the highs and lows of emotional challenges [such as anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). - A fork in the road is almost always about a choice. - Streets that you are familiar with may be about unfinished business from the past or the here and now. - Roads that travel up a mountain are about adventure. ![ford pontiac 1968 muscle car](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/ford-thunderbird-t-bird-car.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Does the type of car matter? ## Meaning of a Car in Dreams There is no way I can cover what different cars mean in this one post. Otherwise, it would never end. That said, I will offer you a few examples. Think of these as metaphors. - Sports cars speak to an unmet need for adventure or excitement in your life. - Trucks may be about a need to be strong or feeling like you are carrying a lot of baggage. - Vans represent your body and how you view it. - An SUV in a dream could symbolize personal endurance and toughness. - An old muscle car may represent masculine or feminine aspects of your personality. - Specific cars, like a Lamborghini, Porsche or BMW could be about life status and self-esteem. - 18-wheelers usually speak to family and leadership. ## Myths About Driving Dreams There are many myths associated with dreams about driving. Below I will list several of the biggies. I’m not saying any of these are right or wrong. Instead, I’m simply sharing the common myths linked to each. - If you dream about of accident, it’s a bad omen for the future. - If the passenger sitting next to you [has green or hazel](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) eyes, it means good luck. - Dreaming about a specific car means you are destined to own it. - Sexual dreams involving cars are always fantasy based. - Seeing a red car in a dream speaks to passion. - Seeing a black car in a dream is about death. - Blue cars are about personal strength. - Brown cars are about a sense of safety. ## How to Interpret Driving Dreams One thing I encourage you to do is spend time focusing on all the imagery you see in your dream. Keeping a journal may be helpful. You don’t have to be super specific and record a play by play narrative of everything that happened. Instead, focus on themes and events. If you want to know what specific objects mean, it may help to pick up a copy of a symbolism book. You can find them at many stores online. Personally, I like the Dream Interpretation Dictionary by DeBord ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2pkdlXl)). Inside, there’s lots of useful information about what different things may mean – written in a way that is easy to understand. ## Wrap Up Dreams about driving a car are a frequent occurrence for many. They can be exciting, scary, and puzzling – all at the same time. The important thing to bear in mind is that what you see during a dreamscape can’t be taken literally. Instead, look at the imagery as symbolic. You’ll get a lot more out of the experience and learn something new about yourself in the process. Thanks for stopping by. *—* **References:** Kushner, D. (2016, October 23). *Understand Your Dreams by Using Jung’s “Active Imagination”*. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/transcending-the-past/201610/understand-your-dreams-using-jungs-active-imagination **Categories:** Growth **Tags:** Car Dreams, cars, Dream Analysis, Dream Interpretation, Dream Meaning, driving --- ### [What Dreams About Being Chased and Hiding Mean](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) **Published:** December 7, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/dreams-about-being-chased-and-hiding-decoded.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Dreams about being chased revealed](#Dreams_about_being_chased_revealed) - [Chasing Dreams Explored](#Chasing_Dreams_Explored) - [What do chasing dreams mean?](#What_do_chasing_dreams_mean) - [What does hiding mean in dreams?](#What_does_hiding_mean_in_dreams) - [What can I learn about myself when I dream about being chased?](#What_can_I_learn_about_myself_when_I_dream_about_being_chased) - [If I get caught in a dream, does it mean I’ll die?](#If_I_get_caught_in_a_dream_does_it_mean_Ill_die) - [What else can cause dreams about being chased?](#What_else_can_cause_dreams_about_being_chased) - [Are dreams portals to another dimension?](#Are_dreams_portals_to_another_dimension) - [Where else can I learn about dream interpretation?](#Where_else_can_I_learn_about_dream_interpretation) ## **Dreams about being chased revealed** Are you **having dreams about being chased?** In your nightmares, do you run to a hiding spot, hoping not to get caught? Does the experience leave you feeling terrified? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. One of the most common types of dreams involve scenarios where a person is being chased. Sometimes, you know who is pursuing you. Other times, only thier presence can be sensed. Sound familiar? In the aftermath of such dreams, many people report feeling profound fear. Some even wake up screaming, soaked in their own sweat. ## Chasing Dreams Explored As a counselor, I’ve worked with many people (men and women) who have shared with me the specific details of their dreams. We’re talking about everything from dreams about death to [dreams about a love interest.](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) While I don’t pretend to have all the answers, I have done a great deal of research on dream content in an effort to help folks better understand their meaning. Before continuing further, you have a right to know who is authoring this piece. I know if I were reading this page, I’d be curious. Here’s a quick thumbnail sketch. I hold a Ph.D. in psychology and teach college-level courses in the behavioral sciences for a number of institutions, including NYIT. Additionally, I am a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist and also hold credentials in transcendental meditation. Finally, I licensed in the state of Illinois as a mental health counselor. With all of that said … I’m not trying to put myself out there as a dream interpretation guru. But here’s the thing – anyone who tries to tell you they are an “expert” in dream analysis isn’t being straight with you. That’s because dreams are entirely subjective in nature. Much depends on the interpreter’s theoretical orientation; a $10.00 term used to describe what type of psychology the professional subscribes to. Speaking for myself, I identify as a cognitive behavior therapist (CBT) and pull upon integrative approaches from CBT’s third wave. Most of what we know about dreams comes to us from the famous psychiatrist, Carl Jung. He is largely credited with conceptualizing the *[active imagination](https://philpapers.org/rec/CHOJOA-2)* (Chodorow, 1997). Think of this as the mind’s portal to the unconscious and other spiritual dimensions. That said, it’s time to move on to the real reason you came to this page – to understand *what chasing dreams mean*. I’m going to tell you what I share with students and clients when they come to me with a dream analysis question. Are you ready? Here it goes: **Dreams should be viewed through the lens of symbolism and cannot be taken literally**. I mention this now for foundational purposes. This will help to provide context in all that follows. To make things simple, I’ve created this post in the traditional question and answer format. My hope is to help you quickly get to the answers you are looking for. ![dreams about being chased and hiding revealed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-personality-temperment.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Chasing dreams can be scary ## What do chasing dreams mean? When a person dreams about someone (or something) chasing them, it usually represents an unconscious fear. In many cases, the intensity of that fear is directly linked to something a person is worried about. There is some research to suggest that bad dreams are nothing more than mental projections of unmet psychological needs. But there is a big difference between having an unpleasant dream and one involving being chased – well, at least to me. Some psychologists think it is important to identify *who* is doing the chasing. But what if you don’t know “who” is? Typically, what I hear is: ***“I could tell something was after me and so I ran. I could sense it was evil but that’s about it!”*** Others have shared variations of the above. Examples include only being able to see the eyes of the person, like bright red slits. I’ve even had some folks tell me they saw monsters running after them with [gold colored eyes](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/). What’s interesting is that men seem to have more dreams about being chased by a group (aka: a pack of wolves) whereas women report being pursued by one object (like a creature). I have no data to support this observation and can only tell you what’s been shared with me during counseling sessions. To my mind, this makes sense because guys generally are the ones to have dreams about fighting – usually against two or three people at once. ## What does hiding mean in dreams? A common dynamic as part of a classic chase dream is the person running from a creature and finding a place to hide. Let’s say in your dreamscape, you are being pursued by a beast in the misty woods. From a place of fear (and a desire to survive), you find a massive oak tree with a large trunk. Acting as a pillar, you hide behind the tree until danger passes. FYI: I didn’t just make this scenario up. I’ve heard manifestations of this exact same situation from at least a dozen of clients. Here’s a recent example from a student who wrote me three weeks ago. **“I knew something was chasing me so I hid behind a tree. I waited there until it felt safe to leave. But then I suddenly woke up!”** So, what does the act of hiding mean in dreams? Well, it’s not what you may think. Most people say hiding symbolizes fear and self-protection. But what if I told you that hiding really represents something about you – **like a secret?** In many cases, that’s exactly what I believe is going on. So instead of hiding your physical person (aka your body), what you are really doing – symbolically – is protecting information. The entity chasing you usually represents a threat to that material. Another variation of the hiding theme relates to unconscious fears of being exposed. To cut to the chase, I’m talking about being found out as: - A fraud - Incompetent - Fake (in some way) - Ignorant about a topic - Somehow “weak” I’ve seen this dynamic most often in people who struggle with a condition called *imposter syndrome*. That’s basically a situation where an individual is unable to accept their personal accomplishments and view themselves as a fraud. One interesting observation is how often imposter syndrome seems to pop up with [organizational leaders](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-theories-made-simple/) I have worked with, such as senior executives and CEOs. So many of them have shared with me – in confidence – that they feel like they are “faking it”. Makes sense? Finally, I also want to say that I’ve seen the chase-hide dynamic occur with college students. Typically, these dreams occur around the time of major exams. And when you think about it – doesn’t that computer? After all, there are only two outcomes of a test: pass or fail. ![dream analysis of being chased](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-planets-in-the-universe.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Dreams, being chased and self-insight ## What can I learn about myself when I dream about being chased? With an open mind, you can learn much about yourself from dreams. With chase-hide dreams, you may be able to identify deeply held sources of shame. Additionally, you might be able to determine if someone or something is causing you pain. Bear in mind that dreams also can be projections of anxiety. I often joke with some of my clients and say, “Just because you went to sleep doesn’t mean your anxiety went to sleep too.” The hard truth is some mental health issues can lend themselves to nightmares, particularly various [forms of depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). I’m not saying if you have bad dreams that you have mental health problems. But I am saying that people who struggle with certain types of issues report bad dreams more frequently. ## If I get caught in a dream, does it mean I’ll die? This is an old urban myth. Many people think if they dream of someone grabbing or “catching” them – particularly while hiding, it means they will die in real life. In other words, they don’t wake up. Honestly, that is a bunch of nonsense. I can understand why folks buy into this because scary dreams lend themselves to scary outcomes. [Read this page on the meaning of death in dreams to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/). ## What else can cause dreams about being chased? Aside from various forms of internal conflict, there are outside influences that can impact dream material. A biggie is medications. If you’ve ever watched those commercials on T.V. where the narrator talks about the side-effects of a certain med, you’ve no doubt heard: **“\[fill in the blank\] may cause sleep disruptions or nightmares in some people.”** This is why it is important to ask your doctor questions about any new prescriptions. Additionally, substances also can cause people to have chasing dreams. Examples include alcohol, cannabis, and psychedelic pills such as ecstasy. Technically, the “dreams” are hallucinations but the person experiences the content as a dream. ## Are dreams portals to another dimension? Earlier, I mentioned that dreams should be viewed through the lens of symbolism. That very much holds true. But symbolism shouldn’t be thought of as exclusionary to other possibilities. Believe it or not, there are some cultures who believe that dreams are a pathway to supernatural communication – openings to other realms of existence that transcend this time and space. Native Indians, for example, believe in spirit animals. In this way, a turtle or wolf appearing in a dream symbolizes a life-lesson. Example: wolves represent wisdom, turtles – patience. ## Where else can I learn about dream interpretation? You will find lots of information on the Internet. Some of it is great. Others, not so much. What I encourage people to do is keep a dream journal. This helps them to record imagery, which usually is linked to themes. It is then just a matter of exploring the imagery and finding their definitions from various sources. Personally, I like the book *Understanding the Dream You Dreamed* by Milligan ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2EAH9FD)). It’s written without all of the psycho-babble we so often see in dream-analysis books. In closing, I’ll leave you with this. Dreams can be a wonderful source of self-insight. Don’t fear them. Instead, try to learn something about yourself. Have you experienced dreams about being chased? What do they mean to you? **References:** Chodorow, J. (1997). *Jung on active imagination.* Routledge. Photo Credits: Pixabay **More:** [Learn what snakes in dreams mean](https://guycounseling.com/snake-means-symbolizes-dreams/) **Categories:** Growth **Tags:** Bad Dreams, Dream Interpretation, Dreams, fear, Imagery --- ### [How to Create Minor Habits for Major Results](https://guycounseling.com/minor-habits-major-results/) **Published:** January 11, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/man-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Minor Habits Major Results** Many people believe change is hard. The message from the media is that developing new habits takes months or years, and then they don’t stick. We go back to old, unwanted behaviors that don’t serve us well. Can you relate? The good news is that **you can create minor habits and expect major results**. You might have monumental habit changes in mind, but when you tackle them step by step, you stand a good chance of turning them into a reality. To reach any physical destination in life, you need to cover the areas between where you are and where you want to go. Whether you take a piecemeal approach by foot or travel by airplane, your journey entails traversing the middle ground. Similarly, personal development and life improvement journeys involve increments until you reach success. Minor habit changes might appear insignificant, but they inch you closer to your goals. Making small adjustments to life is far easier than stretching yourself to your limits. People often quit striving to [reach their goals](https://guycounseling.com/motivation-goals-as-if-technique/) when they aim to get to their destination too fast. They expect to travel from point A to point Z in a few days, weeks, or months. Realistically, change can take time. You probably won’t develop massive new habits in a flash. But you can gradually shift your life and behavior in the right direction and achieve your aims. ## **How to create minor habits** Have you ever considered how habits grow? You carry out small behaviors and doing so gets embedded in your psyche when you repeat your efforts. You generate neural connections in your brain that tell you to continue the actions on autopilot. Mostly, your habits evolve without your awareness. Sometimes, they are helpful. But at others, they detract from your well-being. However, you can build constructive habits on purpose without too much hard work. First, identify a new habit to build. Consider a major outcome, like losing a stone in body weight: this is your destination. Now imagine you have reached your goal and work backward. Look at the doable minor steps it might have taken to get there. If you thought on a large, undoable scale, you might imagine you gave up two meals a day and existed on lettuce. Your approach would have been unworkable, though, because it entailed skipping the middle ground. If you created minor habits toward weight loss, you could meet your aims in a subtle, almost imperceptible way. The small steps taken might have involved swapping your large dinner plate for a medium-size plate for two weeks before adding another step to your journey. The next step could entail cutting out between-meal snacks on weekdays and reserving them for weekends. If you kept eating from a medium-size plate and only ate snacks on Saturdays and Sundays, you would begin to lose weight. After a few more weeks, you might have added a third step to your weight-loss journey and swapped unhealthy Saturday snacks with healthier alternatives, and so on until you reached your destination. You can apply the minor habit change for major results journey to any goal. Perhaps you want to improve your relationships by becoming a better listener. Or you may choose to start your own business or develop the habit of keeping fit. Take a step-by-step approach and create minor habits that inch you toward your goals. You’ll reach your destination painlessly, and when you look back, you’ll be surprised at how easy it was to change for the better. **Categories:** Field Notes --- ### [Karma Wants To Make Your Dreams Come True](https://guycounseling.com/karma-wants-to-make-your-dreams-come-true/) **Published:** November 17, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![karma universe dreams come true](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/karma-man-universe.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) *Last updated: December 28, 2025* ## What if Karma was conspiring to make your dreams come true? What’s up everyone and welcome – or welcome back – to episode 38 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host Dr. John Moore and if you haven’t already done so, please hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. In today’s show, I’m going to talk to you about why Karma is conspiring to make your dreams come true. I know some of you listening are thinking to yourself, “Wow – Dr. John is really off his rocker!” That’s OK, just stay with me here because by the end of this pod, I think you’ll be shifting your mindset, where new beginnings are possible. OK, before we dive too far in, I need to offer the following disclaimer. This podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling and I am not your personal therapist. OK, back to the topic – why karma wants to make your dreams come true. And as I say the show title again, I know some of you listening may be thinking – oh wow is he spewing a bunch of BS. In fact, I can almost hear a few of you now saying to yourself, “I’ve had so many bad things happen to me in my life – I grew up poor, my dad was abusive, my mom was an alcoholic, my relationships have sucked. I didn’t choose any of these circumstances – they just happened to me. Look guys, I feel you on this. But just hang with me for a bit and let your mind open up to a different way of thinking. OK? So, all of us have heard of the phrase “paranoia”. You know, like “That person is paranoid”. I mean that is not a new word to you, right? But what does that term really mean? Well, in non-clinical speak, it’s a belief that the world is out to get you. And maybe you know someone like this? In the work that I do as a psychotherapist and coach, I’ve met many people who have a true, clinical form of paranoia – often as a result of schizophrenia or something that lands along the schizophrenia spectrum. **Related:** [How to QUICKLY get out of a bad mood](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-quickly-get-out-of-a-funk/id1465473031?i=1000533072848) As I say that to you now, I am reminded of a client – let’s call him Chuck – who I worked with years ago. And let me tell you, he was the nicest guy in the world – truly. But because of his condition, he would never eat food someone else had prepared for him, like a family member – and would never think of grabbing a bite to eat at a restaurant. And the reason for that is because he believed that people were trying to poison him. It wasn’t that long ago I ran into Chuck at a community event here on Chicago’s North Side and I can tell you to this day, he still is paranoid of people out to get him. Like I said, super nice guy – but he’s always on guard to make sure nobody hurts him or screws him over. **Update for Chicago Readers:** Since first sharing Chuck’s story, many listeners have reached out asking about local resources for managing clinical anxiety and paranoia. If you are in the city and struggling with these challenges, finding a specialist who understands the local landscape is key. You can get expert **[Anxiety Therapy in Chicago](https://www.anxietytherapistchicago.com/anxiety-therapist-chicago-services/)** through the Calm Anxiety CBT Therapy Clinic. Whether you are on the North Side or navigating the stress of the Loop, the team provides evidence-based support like CBT and ACT to help you reclaim your sense of safety and calm. They also offer virtual therapy for people who are looking for something online. So, that’s a basic definition of paranoia. With that said, did you know there’s a term that is opposite of paranoia? Yep, there is and it is call [pronoia](https://www.jstor.org/stable/800208#:~:text=Pronoia%20is%20the%20delusion%20that,saying%20good%20things%2C%20not%20bad.). Let me say that again – pronoia. In a nutshell, pronoia is the belief that everyone and everything happening in your life is conspiring to make your dreams come true. Does that sound delusional? Maybe – but for our purposes that’s OK because you are going to use it to your advantage. ![jar sand glass pronpia](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/dream-journal.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What if Karma is on your side? Let me ask you some questions. What do you think your life would be like if Karma – that energetic force in the universe – was conspiring to make your dreams come true? What if you pulled out a pen and a piece of notebook paper and wrote down your intentions – and said to yourself – this intention – this goal – is going to become a reality? What if you linked that intention to the belief that every single thing you do and every single action that swirls around in your life is conspiring to make your dreams come true? How might your viewpoint on your life change? Imagine if you had pronoia, how much better your life would be. Instead of opening your eyes in the morning and thinking to yourself: *Crap, I have another busy, miserable day – I don’t want to get up.* What if instead the opposite happened, where work up and the first thoughts that entered your mind were: *Wow, it’s another day! I can’t wait to get out of bed and see what amazing things the universe has planned for me this day.* I know some of you listening are thinking to yourself: *Dr. John has lost his mind. I wish my life could be like that. I wish that I didn’t have this negativity in my life or have these negative feelings.* But here’s the thing – everyone streaming this podcast right now and can hear my voice right now can choose to have pronoia. In other words, to switch your mindset and choose a different reality. To choose right now to belief that every single thing that is happening to you – good and bad – is part of a larger plot where karma is conspiring to make your dreams come true. To make your life happier. To make your life more fulfilling. Look, I get it folks. We all have challenges in life. We all have crappy, terrible things that happen to us. When I look back at all of the nasty, ugly things that have happened in my life, there was never a time that I sat there and said, “Oh heck yeah – this is amazing. I’m so glad I am going through this messed up thing right now. There was never a time where I was excited to face the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or the collapse of a relationship. Frankly, when those things happened, they sucked. But if you were ever ask me would I go back and change any of these things, I can honestly tell you the answer is no. I’m serious, I would say no. Just a few weeks ago I had someone ask me, “If you had a magic wand and could change your past so that your life growing up as a kid would have been easier, would you?” And here’s what I said back to this person: NO – I would not change anything. Not one darn thing. If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you probably know some things about me. First, I grew up poor in a single parent home where my adopted mom was a raging alcoholic. And when I say poor, I’m talking about the kind of poor where I stood in line at the Salvation Army at 14 years old to get a box of food so that I could eat. In fact, we were so poor that my family couldn’t even buy a proper jacket for me to wear in winter. I can still remember now a Catholic priest having compassion for me and taking me to the St. Vincent DePaul Thrift store and buying me a coat with gloves so that I wouldn’t freeze to death. Now keep following me … Second, I didn’t find out I was adopted until late in life – meaning 38 years old – because nobody wanted to tell me the secret. Third, I never got a chance to meet my biological parents because by the time I found out I was adopted, they had already died. As I tell you that, you are probably thinking: “Dam John, you wouldn’t want to change any of that?” or “Hey John, come on. Aren’t you a little pissed off about that?” Folks, I can honestly tell you that the answer is nope. Don’t get me wrong. I would love to have known my biological mother and father. It would be great to have them around now to talk about their own life struggles and gain new insights from their collective wisdom. And no doubt about it – my life would have been easier growing up with money to buy the basics. Of course, all of that would have been amazing. But here’s the thing. I still wouldn’t change things. And the reason for that is because I would probably never have known what it was like to break my ass to work for the dollar. I probably would never know what it was like to have compassion for others who were having a tough time. I probably would never have had the chance to attend a military school where kids from broken homes are taught things about respect for others, including ourselves. Finally, had things been different, I probably never know about the struggle. I can tell you 100% now that I would not be doing what I do now, had I grown up in a different way. And while all of these things were certainly unpleasant, they were also a blessing, because they changed the course of my life. Now hang on for a minute and I’ll meet you on the other side of this break. Alright, so as we were talking about, I wouldn’t change any part of my life, including the ugly stuff. And so, I want you to take a minute now and think about the most difficult parts of your life. Maybe you broke up with someone or maybe you lost your job. Perhaps you are going through it right now. Is it possible that you can look at this event – whatever it might be – and see how Karma was throwing you a challenge at you to help you become more resilient, to help you become stronger, to increase your sense of compassion – so that you can relate to someone who might be going through something similar? What would it be like if you tried this? I’m not saying this is easy to do. But I bet if you tried to find the positive in that difficult event, you could find something positive about it. And that’s the amazing thing about pronoia. It allows us to see things through a different lens. That doesn’t take away the pain and suffering you went through. It doesn’t minimize the loss or that you endured. But it does allow you to be in the here and now and not be a victim of your past. I’m going to tell you a short story to help drive home this point. The year was 1992. I was working for TWA in ground support making less than $10.00 an hour. But, as crappy as the pay was, we got free flights. And so, one weekend, I decided fly from Chicago to New York City because I had never been there and wanted to see what the Big Apple was all about. So. when you fly free as an airline employee, you are always the very last person to board the aircraft because you only get a seat if one is open. Anyway, I can remember sitting at the gate and finally getting called by the gate agent at O’Hare to get my boarding pass. It was a Boeing 727-200 aircraft. In fact, I still have the boarding pass because I saved them as keepsakes. I was on the aisle seat in 15-C. There was nobody in the middle seat. And in the window seat was a pilot for TWA. I would find out later that he was commuting to JFK because that’s where he lived. I couldn’t tell you exactly how old he was but if I had to guess, I’d say early 60’s. And at that time, I was probably 22. At any rate, after we took off, that pilot and I got to talking to one another. He told me about his family and how he had been employed at the company since the late 1960’s. And as part of our chat, I had asked him what it was like to work at the airline during the company’s good old days, because back in the 1960’s and 1970’s, working for TWA was considered a huge deal. And he shared with me his experiences and regaled me with stories of years gone by. I loved it. But you know something, that wasn’t the coolest thing that happened on that trip. What was amazing was this. As we neared Kennedy Airport, he asked me to look out the window. I can still remember him using his hand to motion me over to look out the window. When I did this, I dark purple sky with the last traces of the sun settling off on the horizon. It was that magical time where day transforms into night. It was amazing and beautiful all at the same time. If you’ve ever experienced this, you know exactly what I mean. At any rate, when I leaned back into my seat, he looked at me straight in my eyes and said, “Son, here’s what you need to know. These are the good old days. What you just saw is part of **your golden era**. It’s all about being grateful for what you have right now.” Let me tell you, I’ve never forgotten that pilot and never forgotten the life lesson he taught me. And that lesson might never have happened had the trajectory of my life been different. At its core, he was telling me to appreciate the here and now. That’s a really powerful lesson, don’t you think? **Better Help Promotion** \[[see this link for special offer](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj)\] So, what if you looked at all of your life experiences as gifts. What if you looked at the crummy things that have happened in your life as Karmic lessons to help strengthen your resolve? One of the things that happens with trauma is that the pain can be so profound that people close themselves off from getting close to others because they don’t want to feel that pain again. That’s a very human thing and very understandable. But for those who choose to do so, they can also work through their trauma and use some of that experience to create a new reality. Folks, I don’t know your spiritual background or personal belief system and to be clear, this isn’t a religious show. But I will say that in the Karmic sense, the universe will never give you more than you can handle. It may not feel like that in the moment. I get it. But in the general sense, the universe – meaning God or Karma or whatever you identify as your higher power, never gives you more than you can handle. Now think about think about all of the different people in your life. It doesn’t matter if they come from your past of folks you interact with in the here and now. What if you looked at their presence in your life as a gift given to you so that you can gain wisdom in whatever ways you need to. Again, big picture here and in the karmic sense, every single person you’ve interacted with in your life was placed there to be a teacher in some form. It could be the person who smiles at you on the street for no reason or it could be someone you occasionally interact with. And yes, these same teachers include folks who you may have struggles with. In fact, these are probably your biggest teachers. Shoot, there are people in my life that get on my every last nerve – big time. But rather than get pissed off and work myself into a place of anger, I allow myself to take a step back and ask: *What is being activated inside of me by their behavior? How can I use this experience to better myself?* I’ll even say, “Thank you Karma for sending this. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to live in the here and now and look inward.” You can take this same approach with the people in your life that you love. What are lessons they are trying to teach you? What is it about their presence can you appreciate? You can even say, “Thank you Karma for sending this person to my life. Thank you for their presence”. Thank you – thank you – thank you. In leaning into pronoia, one of the things I’ve been training myself to do is have gratitude for even the smallest things in my life. When I walk around my home, I often will pick out something random, like a plant sitting on a table, and say something like, “Thank you Karma for this beautiful plant” or I might see a bird flying outside of my window and say, “Thank you Karma for letting me see that beautiful sparrow.” Imagine how your day might improve if you expressed gratitude for little things like that? For example, what would it be like to show gratitude for the shoes you put on your feet – because here’s the thing – many people in this world don’t own a pair of shoes. And here’s the thing with pronoia and gratitude. When you have that gratitude mindset, you begin to change your brain chemicals so that eventually, you become addicted to gratitude and happiness. And when you say “thank you” as an expression of gratitude in your mind’s eye, you are training your brain to look for the positive – to step into the happy. And conversely, if you focus on the negative and live-in anger, you are training your mind to create the negative as your reality. Overtime, you can even become addicted to rage and resentment. Wouldn’t you rather choose gratitude? Wouldn’t it be better to choose happiness? Of course, happiness better, right? What you are trying to do is pump out those brain chemicals called serotonin that naturally make you feel better. This can happen if you choose to believe in the idea of a prospiracy, which is the opposite of a conspiracy. To believe, no matter how crazy it sounds, that Karma – the universe – is prospering to make your dreams come true. What if you started saying, “I am grateful for that old car I have parked in the driveway. I am thankful for the hot water that comes out of my shower faucet. I am even thankful for this difficult person in my life right now because they are teaching patience.” When you look at the stars at night, allow yourself to imagine that all of them have been placed there for a reason and be thankful for them – because they are part of a prospiracy to make your dreams come true. Look, there’s no such thing as a guarantee but I will tell you this. If you try doing what I have suggested here daily for one week straight, I am extremely confident that you will find yourself in a happier, calmer, and more fulfilling place. Alright, that’s what I’ve got for you today. If you loved this podcast and found the content to be helpful, please share it with your circle on social media. Please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you might be listening because it’s one of the only ways to help this podcast grow organically. Make it a goal today to make someone else smile. Thank you for taking the time to listen to this show and I hope you have an amazing day! **Categories:** Podcasts **Tags:** happiness, Karma, Positive Thinking, Universe --- ### [Can a Lack of Sleep Secretly Damage Your Relationship?](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-relationship-problems/) **Published:** June 29, 2025 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/couple-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How sleep problems negatively impact your relationship Are you having problems with your love life? Do you constantly argue with your partner? Is there a part of you who suspects a lack of sleep may be at the root of your problems? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly a third of Americans don’t get enough sleep. And that can spell bad news for your love life. Argumentative, impatient, and short-tempered people are often sleep deprived. Lack of rest depletes human being’s capacity to function and leaves them firing on fewer cylinders. As a result, they can be oversensitive to the environment, causing even the slightest of challenges seem like a big deal. We know from [clinical research](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-study-depression-anxiety-1518/) that not getting enough sleep is linked to anxiety and depression. In the world of relationships, the symptoms can often manifest in specific ways, such as being emotionally distant or exhibiting increased irritability. According to sleep neurologist and sleep expert Christopher Winter who authored the book, *The Sleep Solution*, when you don’t sleep well, “Your brain’s ability to do things gets whittled down to: find food, urinate, get through the day,” he says. In other words, your brain’s bandwidth becomes limited in ability and can only focus only on life-sustaining essentials. When in survival mode, there’s not much space for much else, including relational maintenance activities (conversation, sexytime, etc). ![unhappy couple bed sleep problems](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/ignored-by-partner-unhappy-couple-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) To keep it real, sleep deficiency makes you less forgiving when your partner doesn’t behave the way you would prefer. You snap, making abrupt comments that can damage your relationship. “One of the first things I assess for as part of couples counseling are lifestyle factors. This includes the amount of sleep each person experiences on a nightly basis,” says Heather Holly, a licensed psychotherapist. “In many cases, we find a lack of sleep to be a contributing factor to relationship problems. More often than not, couples are oblivious to this issue” she adds. Signs sleep deprivation may be negatively influencing your relationship include growing resentment, more arguments than usual, a decline in enthusiasm, and reduced rapport. The more inadequate sleep damages your partnership, the further apart you drift, and being together becomes a chore rather than pleasurable. If the description fits, look at your relationship with sleep to discover if it’s damaging your love life. You need roughly eight hours of shuteye a night, and if you don’t meet your sleep target, you won’t operate well or be able to offer your mate a healthy connection. You’ll sleep better if you find out the cause of insufficient slumber. Consider whether you’re comfortable when you try to rest at night. Is your mattress lumpy? Is your bedroom stuffy and too hot? And what about noise levels – is your room quiet? If can’t find the cause of your sleep disturbance, it may be helpful to talk to your doctor. Sometimes, an underlying medical condition can contribute to certain conditions, such as [hypersomnia](https://www.hypersomniafoundation.org/about-idiopathic-hypersomnia/). To help your relationship, get to the bottom of why you can’t sleep and make positive lifestyle changes. Once you get plenty of shuteye, you’ll be less fractious and friendlier. Hopefully, you’ll also find an improvement in your love life. **Categories:** Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** intimacy, Love, Relationships, sleep --- ### [Learn Why Green Eyes Are So Unique!](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) **Published:** January 2, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![green eyes channing tatum facts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-channing-tatum.jpg?resize=514%2C341&ssl=1 "green eyes facts")](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-channing-tatum.jpg?ssl=1)Green Eyes of Channing Tatum – Actor Table of Contents Toggle - [GREEN EYES ARE UNUSUAL IN PEOPLE](#GREEN_EYES_ARE_UNUSUAL_IN_PEOPLE) - [MOST ATTRACTIVE EYE COLOR](#MOST_ATTRACTIVE_EYE_COLOR) - [GREEN EYES: A PRIMER](#GREEN_EYES_A_PRIMER) - [WHAT IS THE SCIENCE OF GREEN EYES?](#WHAT_IS_THE_SCIENCE_OF_GREEN_EYES) - [GREEN EYES: ORIGINS AND GENES](#GREEN_EYES_ORIGINS_AND_GENES) - [GENETIC PREVALENCE OF GREEN EYES ](#GENETIC_PREVALENCE_OF_GREEN_EYES) - [WHERE DO GREEN EYES COME FROM?](#WHERE_DO_GREEN_EYES_COME_FROM) - [GENETIC ANTHROPOLOGY AND EYE COLOR](#GENETIC_ANTHROPOLOGY_AND_EYE_COLOR) - [GREEN EYES AND GEOLOGIC TIME](#GREEN_EYES_AND_GEOLOGIC_TIME) - [Science of Green Eyes](#Science_of_Green_Eyes) - [CAN YOUR EYES CHANGE COLOR?](#CAN_YOUR_EYES_CHANGE_COLOR) - [HOW EYE COLOR CAN CHANGE DUE TO HEALTH](#HOW_EYE_COLOR_CAN_CHANGE_DUE_TO_HEALTH) - [GREEN EYES AND HEALTH RISKS](#GREEN_EYES_AND_HEALTH_RISKS) - [PHENOMENON OF RAYLEIGH SCATTERING](#PHENOMENON_OF_RAYLEIGH_SCATTERING) - [HOW LIGHT CHANGES EYE COLOR](#HOW_LIGHT_CHANGES_EYE_COLOR) - [HETEROCHROMIA](#HETEROCHROMIA) - [NOTE OF CAUTION](#NOTE_OF_CAUTION) - [MALE CELEBRITIES WITH GREEN EYES](#MALE_CELEBRITIES_WITH_GREEN_EYES) - [MYTHS ABOUT GREEN EYES](#MYTHS_ABOUT_GREEN_EYES) - [PERSONALITY TRAITS OF GREEN EYED PEOPLE](#PERSONALITY_TRAITS_OF_GREEN_EYED_PEOPLE) - [GREEN EYE POLL](#GREEN_EYE_POLL) - [DID GREEN EYES COME FROM ALIENS?](#DID_GREEN_EYES_COME_FROM_ALIENS) - [FINAL THOUGHTS ON GREEN EYES](#FINAL_THOUGHTS_ON_GREEN_EYES) ## **GREEN EYES ARE UNUSUAL IN PEOPLE** **Green eyes** are beautiful to look at. They are also extremely unique and very [rare](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0039625797800203)! It has been estimated that only 2% of the world’s population have true green eyes. To give you an idea of just how special green eyes are, consider this factoid. Currently, it is estimated that around 7 billion people live on the planet. Going by the math, this means only **140 million people** have some shade of green as an eye color. There are only a handful of celebrities who have green eyes and even a smaller number who are male. If you are one of these people – consider yourself lucky! FYI: green eyes can express in several shades, including hazel, emerald, jade and blue-green. In super rare cases, they can even appear amber. When you take into account the different variations of this color, including some people with hues of brown, the number of people who can be classified as having green eyes jumps from 2% to 8%. ## MOST ATTRACTIVE EYE COLOR Guy Counseling recently asked nearly 90,000 website visitors which eye color they considered most attractive (as of December, 2022). Here are the responses, broken down for each by percentages. - Green: 42.8 % - Light blue: 22.59 % - Hazel: 17.33 - Dark Blue: 10.2 - Grey: 2% - Amber 1% - Amethyst: 2% - Brown 5% Keep in mind that we are collecting new data from a poll appearing on the bottom of this page. You can still vote if you would like. ![green eye shades of hazel](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Green-Eye-with-shades-of-hazel.jpg?resize=450%2C301&ssl=1)Open green eye with shades of hazel gold ## **GREEN EYES: A PRIMER** This article will explore everything you ever wanted to know about green eyes. We will examine how you got your eye color, assess how eye color can be changed and identify a number of famous male celebrities with green eyes. We will also check out some green eyed myths! Other information about various shades of green eye color will be touched upon, including popular hues. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! [![green eyes information](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes.jpg?ssl=1)What is the science of Green Eyes?[![male green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/green-eyes-male-1024x700.jpg?resize=506%2C345)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-male.jpg?ssl=1)Male Green Eyes ## **WHAT IS THE SCIENCE OF GREEN EYES?** Many people want to know where green eyes come from. Ultimately, eye color is a function of genetics and is determined by two factors: (1) the pigmentation of the [iris](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iris_%28anatomy%29) and (2) the way light scatters around the iris itself. Let’s take a quick look at both. Pigmentation of a person’s iris can run the gamut from the darkest color, black to lightest, blue. Largely influencing pigmentation is something called *melanin*, a complex polymer made from the amino acid tyrosine. The appearance of green and shades of green (i.e. jade, [hazel eyes](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) and emerald) are the result of a  phenomenon known as Rayleigh scattering; which is a 25 cent term used to describe the way light scatters after riding its spectrum wavelength. Most people mistakenly believe that colors like green and blue are in the iris – but they’re not. Your eye color is a function of how light diffuses across the melanin base, which again is genetically determined. ![Rayleigh Scattering Green Eyes](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/69/Rayleigh_sunlight_scattering.png)Credit: Wiki Commons ## **GREEN EYES: ORIGINS AND GENES** Old theory Prior to 2008, scientists thought eye color was determined by one dominant gene. It was postulated that an eye color hierarchy existed with brown being at the top of the ladder and blue resting at the bottom. Under the old way of thinking, this meant if your dad had brown eyes and your mom had blue eyes, you would likely be born with brown colored eyes. A parental combination of two green eyes would translate into you having green eyes. Recessive genes were also thought to partially influence eye color. New theory New research, presented in a 2008 publication of the American Journal of Human Genetics washed the old way of thinking about eyes and color. The new research suggests that as many as 16 genes may influence the way color is expressed in the iris. The unscientific translation means that a baby can be born with just about any eye color, regardless of what their parents have. It is important to note, however, that hereditary variables need to be factored into the equation. The video below offers an excellent scientific analysis of how people get different color eyes, including green, blue, brown, hazel and some rare variations. ## **GENETIC PREVALENCE OF GREEN EYES**  Interestingly enough, there are anthropological records of early humans with green eyes living around the mountain system in Eurasia between the Black Sea and the Caspian Sea. This area contained a natural land bridge between Europe and Asia. Knowns as the “Silk Route” or “Silk Roads”; this ancient passageway was used by early civilizations for the lucrative trade silk, sometimes between 120 BCE – 1450s CE (Yao, et all, 2000). ![Silk Route Green Eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-silk-route.jpg?resize=500%2C325&ssl=1)The silk route is thought to be a major reason for the distribution of green eyes ## WHERE DO GREEN EYES COME FROM? We know from history that Silk Road played an important role in the creation of the civilizations of China, the Goguryeo kingdom in Korea, much of Japan, the Indian subcontinent, parts of Persia and the Horn of Africa and Arabia. Because it served as a significant trade route for many early traders, it is thought that mating between various groups may have been part of gene distribution. This may help to explain why green eyes can be found in various groups across Europe, Africa and Asia. ![green eye handsome man beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/green-eyes-male.jpg?resize=513%2C770&ssl=1)Male with green eyes. Photo credit: Pexels ## GENETIC ANTHROPOLOGY AND EYE COLOR Genetic anthropology is growing branch of science that examines DNA testing with concrete archaeological, historical and language-based evidence to uncover the history of ancient migration patterns in early human civilizations. Thanks to this emerging area of research, scientists are learning more and more about the etiology of eye color. This is why today, you can have your DNA tested to determine your genetic background. In turn, this may help to explain the genetic reasons for your ocular hue. ## GREEN EYES AND GEOLOGIC TIME Much of Europe, Asia and Africa and large swaths of the middle east have been native lands to people with green eyes for centuries. When studying the geologic time scale; a tool used to measure our planets history, it is thought that green eyes may have appeared in people of Iranian, Spanish, Brazilian and Pakistani decent sometime during the late part of the [Cenozoic period](http://www.livescience.com/40352-cenozoic-era.html). Specifically, this would be between the Pleistocene and Holocene epochs some 2 to 3 million years ago. Any race, including people who are Caucasian, Asian, African, Native Indian, Pacific Islander, Hispanic and pre-Colombians (Indigenous Peoples of the Americas) can have green colored eyes. Anthropologists believe eye color, like hazel, blue, brown and green, are the direct result of migratory behaviors. Because of inter-mixing of groups, coupled with thousands of genetic mutations, we see various shades of green throughout modern man. ![jesse metcalfe green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/jesse-metcalfe-green-eyes.jpg?resize=575%2C350&ssl=1)Jessee Metcalfe has green eyes. Credit: MTV ## Science of Green Eyes Melanin content in eye color of people with green, amber, hazel, brown, blue, violet and gray and black eyes | Eye Color | Melanin Amount: Front Layer of Iris | Melanin Amount: Back Layer of Iris | Dominant Pigmentation | |---|---|---|---| | [Hazel](https://guycounseling/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) | Medium: Less than green. More than brown | Normal | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | | Brown | Substantial | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) | Light | Normal | Eumelanin | | Green | Closer to blue; less than brown | Normal | Pheomelanin | | [Grey](https://guycounsling.com/grey-eyes/) | Less than green and hazel | Normal | Eumelanin mix | | Violet/Purple | Small to none | Small to little | Unknown | | Black | Heavy | Heavy | Black Eumelanin | | [Amber](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) | Less than brown | Light | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | ## **CAN YOUR EYES CHANGE COLOR?** Many people are curious if eye color can change. The answer is – absolutely! People with green, [blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) or brown eyes all experience change in color from time to time. Causes for eye color changes include: - The way light scatters - Mood - Health/Medical reasons ## **HOW EYE COLOR CAN CHANGE DUE TO HEALTH** The color of your iris can permanently change if you have glaucoma and take certain medications for treatment. If you have light colored eyes and want to keep them, you need to be extremely careful with the glaucoma medications you take. Make sure you consult with your eye doctor to discover all of the facts. Other reasons eye color can change to certain types of diseases. Examples include Horner’s syndrome and Fuch’s heterochromic iridocyclitis. Should you notice any changes in the color of your eyes, contact your doctor immediately. [![tom welling eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/tom-welling-eyes-300x225.jpg?resize=447%2C335&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/tom-welling-eyes.jpg?ssl=1)Green eyes of Tom Welling: Credit insoonia.com ## **GREEN EYES AND HEALTH RISKS** If you have green eyes, you are more susceptible to the sun’s harmful radiation. This has to do with our old friend melanin previously mentioned. Simply put, green eyed people can develop certain types of ocular cancers, like intraocular melanoma. People with light colored eyes should wear UV protective sunglasses when outdoors. [![jensen ackles green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/jensen-ackles-green-eyes.jpg?resize=487%2C273&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/jensen-ackles-green-eyes.jpg?ssl=1)Jensen Ackles has light green eyes: Credit Fanpop ## PHENOMENON OF RAYLEIGH SCATTERING As mentioned previously, green eyes, blue eyes and brown eyes do not actually have these colors deposited into the iris. In truth, your eye pigmentation has a little brown in them. Because of the phenomenon of Rayleigh scattering, your eyes will reflect back a certain colored hue. ![green eyes shades of hazel and jade](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Green-Eyes-and-Different-Shades.jpg?resize=600%2C381&ssl=1)Green eyes can come in different shades ![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=159932329X) ![eddie redmayne green blue eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/eddie-redmayne-blue-green-eyes.jpg?resize=564%2C355&ssl=1 "green eyes guy counseling")Green eyes with gold specs of Eddie Redmaybe ## **HOW LIGHT CHANGES EYE COLOR** Using the prior mentioned scientific principle of Rayleigh scattering, transformation of light particles that land on the iris will impact its coloristic appearance. This can result in a person having hazel, amber, jade, emerald, blue and even gray! Other factors can influence the shade of green in eyes. - **Lighting:** Artificial lighting (aka: light bulbs) can impact how eye color is experienced. The intensity of the light hitting your iris will either amplify or soften your iris’s appearance. - **Time of day:** Light from the sun may be more intense earlier in the day or later, which means your iris will “pick-up” different intensities from the [solar spectrum](http://ieeexplore.ieee.org/abstract/document/581987/?reload=true). - **Reflective colors:** The color of everything around you, including the cloths you have on, can intensify how eye color is experienced. Certain colors, like gold, blue and other greens can amplify the flecks reflecting outward from your Iris. - **Makeup:** Some people wear eye-makeup, like gold and purple eye-shadow, to accentuate the natural green of the iris. This can cause the desired effect of having chameleon eyes. See this [Amazon link](https://amzn.to/3BtygNq) to learn about lines of makeup designed to accentuate green eyes. - **Allergies:** Some people with allergies have “scratchy eyes” which can cause the surrounding “whites” of the eyes to become red (aka: bloodshot eyes). This can have the effect of amplifying your eye color and creating [baggy eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). Most people do not desire this look. - **Emotional state:** While your emotional state does not directly change the color of your eyes, what you are feeling at any given point in time can impact how they are perceived. Specifically, if you are depressed and crying, your pupil may dilate, which may give off a darker appearance. - **Substances:** Use of alcohol, uppers, downers and other kinds of medications can cause your pupils to become larger or smaller. The end result can mean your eye color becomes more intense. [![josh henderson blue eye green eye](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/josh-henderson-blue-eye-green-eye.jpg?resize=485%2C365&ssl=1 "Green Blue Eyes")](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/)Josh Henderson has a green eye and blue eye because of heterochromia. ## HETEROCHROMIA Some people have a condition called heterochromia that causes one eye to be one color (like green) and the other eye to be a different color (like blue). While multiple causes have been suggested, the current scientific thinking suggests that a lack of genetic diversity is the main reason for heterochromia. It is thought that the condition is caused by a mutation of the genes determining melanin distribution, which often becomes changed due to chromosomal homogeneity. The photograph above of actor Josh Henderson is an example of someone with heterochromia. Notice one of his eyes are green. The other is blue. Very rare and unique. ## **NOTE OF CAUTION** If your eye color changes suddenly or if you notice your pupils remain dilated for no apparent reason for an extended period of time, contact your physician immediately. Your eyes are not something you want to play with. **What Do Your Eyes Say About You Video** ![green eyes of channing tatum](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/channing-tatum-green-eyes-576x381.jpg?resize=576%2C381&ssl=1)Channing Tatum has a unique pair of green eyes that are almost jade. ## **MALE CELEBRITIES WITH GREEN EYES** There are many celebrities with green eyes – so many that it is not possible to list them all here. Bear in mind that different people have different hues of green. How they are expressed and perceived by others in large part depends on the factor previously mentioned.  Listed below are a number of male celebrities with green eyes. - Jesse Metcalfe - Channing Tatum - Jude Law - Casey Affleck - David Beckham - Drew Fuller - Harrison Ford - Jack Nicholson - Jon Hamm - Matt Dallas - Oliver Martinez - Paul Rudd - Robbie Williams - Tom Cruise - Tom Welling - Willie Aames - Vincent Perez - Van Johnson ## **MYTHS ABOUT GREEN EYES** Green eyes are indeed rare and therefore desired by many. Because of this, it makes sense that a number of myths exist about people with green eyes. What follows are a few of the “biggies”. ![hazel eyes rare](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-man.jpg?resize=554%2C381&ssl=1)Green, hazel and amber all in one! Keep in mind there are many more than the ones listed here! - Green eyed people are more attractive. - Green eyed people possess supernatural powers. - Green eyed people have more intense relationships. - Green eyed people are better in bed. - Green eyed people live healthier life styles - Green eyed people are more connected to the earth - Green eyed people live longer - Green eyed men are more outgoing ## **PERSONALITY TRAITS OF GREEN EYED PEOPLE** Do people with green eyes have specific personality traits? Many people wonder about this question. The truth is, we don’t really know. But if you were to ask a person with this shade of color, they’re like to say: - Green eyed people are outgoing - People with green eyes are extroverted - Men with green eyes are natural born inventors - Women with green are are empathic - Green eyes are a sign of inner strength - Individuals with shades of green are intuitive - Loyalty is a strong green eyes trait - Some people with green eyes are highly jealous - Passion is a natural trait among green eyes people - The greener the eyes, the fitter the person - Men with light green eyes are naturally funny - Women with dark green eyes are naturally charming ## **GREEN EYE POLL** This poll is designed to find out what you think about eye color. It is not scientific and therefore should be used for entertainment purposes only. Still, the results may give you a clue about what others think about eye color – including the color of your eyes! Your [self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/ "Confident Man: 10 Steps to Higher Self-Esteem") should not be tied to your eye color – keep this in mind when you take the poll. \[poll id=”12″\] ## **DID GREEN EYES COME FROM ALIENS?** The color of your eyes is unique. No two people have exactly the same eye color, unless they are identical twins. When we examine the origins of eye color, we can see their evolution changed over the course of time. It has been postulated that adaptations in eye color occurred as a result of a changing environment. Some people believe green eyes and blue eyes are the result of an alien species depositing their DNA into the human genome.  But if you look at other species on our planet, you will see eye colors come in rainbow, including oranges, reds and yellows. Did these differing ocular colors come from aliens as well? ## **FINAL THOUGHTS ON GREEN EYES** We are still learning a great deal about eye color with new research happening every day. There have also been advancements changing eye color of the iris through [medical procedures](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/tameka-tiny-harris-surgical-eye-color-change/story?id=26559053). And of course, you can always buy colored contacts to make your [eyes blue green](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/), hazel or brown! I hope you found this post helpful. If you happen to be lucky enough to be one of the few with green eyes, I’ve posted some information below from Amazon with some great choices for your eye color. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling. — References: Sturm, R. A., Duffy, D. L., Zhao, Z. Z., Leite, F. P., Stark, M. S., Hayward, N., . . . Montgomery, G. W. (2008). A Single SNP in an Evolutionary Conserved Region within Intron 86 of the HERC2 Gene Determines Human Blue-Brown Eye Color. The American Journal of Human Genetics, 82(2), 424-431. doi:10.1016/j.ajhg.2007.11.005 Yao, Yong-Gang et al. “Gene Admixture In The Silk Road Region Of China: Evidence From Mtdna And Melanocortin 1 Receptor Polymorphism.”. Genes & Genetic Systems 75.4 (2000): 173-178. Web. Zimmerman, A. Cenozoic Era: Facts About Climate, Animals & Plants. Live Science (2016). Web. **Categories:** Field Notes, Science **Tags:** Amber Eyes, Blue Eyes, Blue Green Eyes, celebrity green eyes, eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes --- ### [Men's Health Month 2021: Important Tips You Should Know](https://guycounseling.com/mens-health-month/) **Published:** June 5, 2021 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![man reading book depressed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/man-reading.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) June is Men’s Health Month, making this the optimal time to take control of your health! While it can be easy to fall into unhealthy routines and patterns, it’s important to take time out of your busy schedule to focus on yourself and your overall wellness. Below are some important tips to not only make the most out of this month but to put yourself in the best health possible moving forward. ## Preserve Your Physical Health While you might already be taking steps to put your physical health first, Men’s Health Month is the best time to take a deep dive into your habits and evaluate if any changes should be made. One way to maintain your physical health is to plan activities together with friends and family. Summer is the perfect time to get outside and enjoy activities like golf, basketball, or volleyball. By integrating regular exercise into your daily routine, it’s possible to help prevent or lessen the risk of some health conditions like colon cancer or high blood pressure. Likewise, if you are a smoker or heavy drinker, now is the time to consider cutting back or stopping altogether. Smoking can lead to certain cancers, stroke, and heart disease. Excessive drinking can also lead to certain types of cancers, liver disease, and high blood pressure. By taking control of these habits now, you are setting yourself up for a longer, healthier life going forward. As you might already know, eating right is one of the key pillars to staying physically healthy. While this is true, it’s also important to understand what kind of foods you are putting into your body. Nutrient-rich foods like bananas, avocados, and nuts can provide you the [energy needed](https://guycounseling.com/afternoon-slump/) to get you through your day without the need for multiple cups of coffee or energy drinks. Furthermore, ensuring that you are eating enough vegetables and fruits provides your body with important vitamins and minerals that contribute to keeping your heart healthy. ## Be Mindful of Mental Health A critical part of men’s health that often either overlooked or stigmatized is mental health. According to a study by the [American Psychological Association](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers), 30.6% of men have suffered from depression at some point in their life, and on average, only 1 in 4 men actually took measures to speak to a mental health professional. While discussing emotions and feelings are often said to be “unmanly” ways of dealing with certain difficulties, this is a healthy way of managing the trials and tribulations of everyday life and struggles. While speaking to a mental health professional is a direct way to work out any troubles you may be facing, this is also a great time to normalize talking about how you feel with your male friends and family if you are unsure of seeking professional guidance. Even a small check-in can do wonders for your mental health, which can help reduce overall stress. If verbally opening up is not something that comes naturally to you, you can try journaling to express your feelings. Journaling can also reduce stress and can manage any anxiety you might be feeling. This can also help prioritize problems or any concerns within your day-to-day dealings that you might be facing. Furthermore, this gives you a chance to identify any negative thoughts you might have and can provide a space for positive reflection. ## Focus on Financial Health While taking steps to put your overall well-being in a good position, it’s just as important to focus on your financial wellbeing. This kind of health can easily be overlooked but can make a big impact on how you live your life. Having poor financial health can increase stress and heart problems, but can also create anxiety and sleepless nights. One way to improve your financial health is to check your credit score and make any improvements if necessary. Your [credit score](https://www.myfico.com/credit-education/credit-scores) informs lenders how likely you are to pay back a loan (like a mortgage or auto loan) based on your prior history. Factors that go into this score are low balances on credit cards, a mix of different loan types, and a history of on-time payments. If you are finding that your credit score isn’t where you want it to be, you can take steps to make improvements over time. These include consolidating your debts, limiting your requests for new credit, and keeping your credit card balance at 30% or less. Another way to take control of this type of health is to consider your legacy. If you have dependents like a spouse or children, take some time to consider how they will be taken care of in the event of your passing. While you may have a life insurance policy through your employer, it might not be enough to fully provide for your family. Choosing a supplemental [life insurance policy](https://www.policygenius.com/life-insurance/) now can be beneficial, as rates are typically lower when you are young and healthy. A payout from this policy can be used to replace lost income, which makes paying for obligations such as a mortgage, funeral, or other expenses less of a financial burden. As the year 2020 taught us, life can be unpredictable, which is why taking steps now to protect your family later is so important. *While the above tips are just some of the ways to prioritize your health, remember that your health and wellbeing are something to be cherished for the whole year. Taking these steps now will only benefit you going forward, giving you the opportunity to live your fullest life.* **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** health, wellness --- ### [Hazel Eyes: Learn Why People with Greenish Eye Color are Rare!](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) **Published:** January 2, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hazel eyes rare](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-man.jpg?resize=554%2C443&ssl=1)Hazel Eyes in People are Rare Table of Contents Toggle - [HAZEL EYES: A CLOSER LOOK](#HAZEL_EYES_A_CLOSER_LOOK) - [HAZEL EYES DEFINITION](#HAZEL_EYES_DEFINITION) - [WHAT IS THE SCIENCE OF HAZEL EYES?](#WHAT_IS_THE_SCIENCE_OF_HAZEL_EYES) - [Science of Hazel Eyes in People](#Science_of_Hazel_Eyes_in_People) - [HOW PEOPLE GET HAZEL EYES](#HOW_PEOPLE_GET_HAZEL_EYES) - [HAZEL EYES AND RACE](#HAZEL_EYES_AND_RACE) - [CAN EYE COLOR BE CHANGED?](#CAN_EYE_COLOR_BE_CHANGED) - [HEALTH AND EYE COLOR](#HEALTH_AND_EYE_COLOR) - [HAZEL EYES: HEALTH ISSUES](#HAZEL_EYES_HEALTH_ISSUES) - [ HAZEL EYES: MIX OF GREEN, BROWN AND BLUE](#_HAZEL_EYES_MIX_OF_GREEN_BROWN_AND_BLUE) - [HAZEL EYES AND INTENSITY CHANGES](#HAZEL_EYES_AND_INTENSITY_CHANGES) - [HAZEL EYE MAKEUP TO ENHANCE COLOR](#HAZEL_EYE_MAKEUP_TO_ENHANCE_COLOR) - [EYE COLOR CAUTION](#EYE_COLOR_CAUTION) - [CELEBRITIES WITH HAZEL EYES](#CELEBRITIES_WITH_HAZEL_EYES) - [HAZEL EYES MYTHS](#HAZEL_EYES_MYTHS) - [HAZEL EYES POLL](#HAZEL_EYES_POLL) - [HAZEL EYES AND ZODIAC SIGN](#HAZEL_EYES_AND_ZODIAC_SIGN) - [FINAL THOUGHTS ON OLIVE HAZEL](#FINAL_THOUGHTS_ON_OLIVE_HAZEL) ## **HAZEL EYES: A CLOSER LOOK** **Hazel eyes** are fascinating to gaze into. When you look at someone who has hazel eyes, you see colors that are completely different than other eye colors, such as [crystal blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) or [emerald green](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/). That’s because hazel eyes are unique, with only a smattering of people around the globe having them. When you consider that 55% of the world’s population has brown eyes, you quickly see that having hazel colored eyes is rare indeed. If you happen to be one of the fortunate few with this green, blue, brown mix, consider yourself to be in a very special club! ![hazel eyes woman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-woman.jpg?resize=499%2C299&ssl=1)Hazel green color eyes can be stunning ## **HAZEL EYES DEFINITION** Trying to define hazel eyes can be difficult. That’s because **shades of green can be light, dark or depending upon the lighting**, a mixture of both. This article offers everything you ever wanted to know about hazel eyes. We’ll take a look at how you got your eye color, examine how eye color can be changed and take a look at a few famous celebrities who were born with hazel eyes. We’ll also take a peek at common myths associated with hazel eyes. Other information will be imparted as well, including a video on eye color and a hazel eye poll. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! [![Hazel Eye Color Male](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-male.jpg?resize=499%2C333&ssl=1 "hazel eyes in people")](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-male.jpg?ssl=1)Male with Hazel Eye Color[![Woman with hazel eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1 "hazel eyes women")](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes.jpg?ssl=1)Hazel Eyes Female ## **WHAT IS THE SCIENCE OF HAZEL EYES?** You may be curious about the science behind hazel colored eyes. In a nutshell, your eye color is a function of heredity and genetics. The two primary factors that influence eye color are: **1)** pigmentation of the iris and **2)** how light scatters around the iris. Your eye pigmentation can run a virtual rainbow, from the darkest color of green to the lightest color of blue. A substance called *melanin* largely influences what color your eyes will ultimately be. Melanin is a complex polymer made from an amino acid called *tyrosine*. If you have haze eyes, it is because of a phenomenon Rayleigh scattering. In non-science speak, Rayleigh scattering is nothing more than a presentation of how light scatters over an object after riding its spectrum wavelength. **Related:** [Amber eyes: Learn all about this gold eye color](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) A lot of folks think that eye color is a function of the iris but in truth, it’s not. The unique eye color you have, such as hazel, is the direct result of how light breaks up across melanin’s base. This is not something you can manipulate and is determined by genetics. ## Science of Hazel Eyes in People Melanin content in eye color of people with hazel, brown, blue, violet and grey and black eyes | Eye Color | Melanin Amount: Front Layer of Iris | Melanin Amount: Back Layer of Iris | Dominant Pigmentation | |---|---|---|---| | Hazel | Medium: Less than green. More than brown | Normal | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | | Brown | Substantial | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Blue](https://mensculture.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) | Light | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Green](https://mensculture.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) | Closer to blue; less than brown | Normal | Pheomelanin | | Grey | Less than green and hazel | Normal | Eumelanin mix | | Violet/Purple | Small to none | Small to little | Unknown | | Black | Heavy | Heavy | Black Eumelanin | [![blue eyes light scatter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes-Rayleigh_sunlight_scattering.png?resize=538%2C440&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes-Rayleigh_sunlight_scattering.png?ssl=1)Credit: Wikicommons ## **HOW PEOPLE GET HAZEL EYES** The current research in the field of genetics suggests that eye color is largely determined by 16 genes that are passed on to you through heredity. This new theory does away with what scientists used to think – which basically stated that your hazel eyes (or any other eye color) happened because of a dominant gene. ## **HAZEL EYES AND RACE** Hazel colored eyes, including shades of brown/green and [green/blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/), have been part of the genetic sequencing of certain races for thousands of years – maybe even millions. If you are Spanish, Middle Eastern, Brazilian or North African decent, there is a higher likelihood of hazel eyes running in your family tree. This does not preclude other races from having hazel eyes however; any population group can have hazel eyes. ![hazel eyes jesee metclafe](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/jesse-metcalfe.jpg?resize=473%2C374)Jesse Metcalfe has hazel color eyes ## **CAN EYE COLOR BE CHANGED?** Many people are curious if eye color can be changed. The answer is yes and no. The “Yes” part relates to how your eye color will naturally change as a result of how light scatters across the iris. The “No” part has to do with the clinical presentation of eye color. You either have hazel eyes or you don’t. You can’t “inject” something into the iris to make them permanently darker, lighter, greener or bluer. ## **HEALTH AND EYE COLOR** Over the course of your lifetime, your eye color may change as a result of age and health. And you should know the color of your eye can permanently change because of the medical condition known as ocular glaucoma. If you have hazel colored eyes, make sure you visit with your eye doctor regularly because you can lose that color as a result of glaucoma degradation. ![hazel green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-green-eyes-woman.jpg?resize=500%2C304&ssl=1)Jade and Hazel are amazing colors for eyes ## **HAZEL EYES: HEALTH ISSUES** People with hazel eyes are susceptible to the harmful effects of our sun. The primary reason is connected to the substance we discussed earlier, melanin. People with hazel eyes can develop certain types of ocular cancers, like intra-ocular melanoma. It is suggested that people with hazel colored eyes and other eye colors for that matter wear sunglasses that offer strong UV protection. ![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00UMXM3CS)![hazel eyes, green eyes, olive eyes, brown blue eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-green-olive.jpg?resize=500%2C475&ssl=1)Hazel eyes often combine different eye colors ##  **HAZEL EYES: MIX OF GREEN, BROWN AND BLUE** No two pair of hazel eyes is exactly the same. Some people have lighter features of green while others have darker features of brown. Ocular scientists think hazel eye color is a combination of greens, browns and blues but if truth be told, they aren’t exactly sure. We do know however, that hazel is considered rare. ![hazel eyes channing tatum](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/green-eyes-channing-tatum.jpg?resize=514%2C341)Hazel Eyes Channing Tatum ## **HAZEL EYES AND INTENSITY CHANGES** The intensity of the color people see when they look into your hazel eyes is influenced by a number of factors. Depending upon sunlight, your health and atmospheric conditions, some people may experience your hazel colored eyes as bright green, seaweed amber, dazzling emerald or even grey. Here are some of the primary factors influencing hazel eye color intensity: - **Time of day:** Light from the celestial orb we call the sun has a major impact on eye color hew and intensity as expressed through the solar spectrum. - **Lighting conditions:** If you are indoors, the lightbulbs you use to create artificial light can impact how your eyes appear to others. Some shades of hazel become amplified indoors while others do not. - **Clothing:** Depending upon the type of clothing you are wearing, the intensity of your eye color can become stronger and weaker. Colors like gold, blue and various greens can give your hazel eyes a deeper appearance. - **Makeup for hazel eyes:** One of the most powerful ways your hazel eyes can “pop” when others look at them relates to the type of makeup you are wearing. Generally speaking, [chocolate or brown eye shadow](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006OZEYR0/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B006OZEYR0&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=HN5ID2XSYDG4PH5G) is recommended for hazel green eyes. - **Allergies:** If you suffer from seasonal allergies, your eye color can experience changes in general intensity. You may take on a reddish hew around the white of the eyeball. Allergies also can cause your eyes to look [baggy and puffy](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). - **Drugs/Alcohol:** Believe it or not, if you use certain types of medications, illicit drugs or drink alcohol, it can impact how others experience your eye color. Some prescription medications are known to cause changes. Be sure to check with your doctor if you notice any variations in ocular appearance. - **Your emotions:** This one may seem silly but if you are sad, crying, happy, joyous or in any way overwhelmed with emotions, the intensity of those hazel eyes you see can change. Don’t worry, it’s only temporary. ## **HAZEL EYE MAKEUP TO ENHANCE COLOR** This video offers tips to women with hazel colored eyes who are looking for advice on how to enhance their eye color. Very informative – straight and to the point. A must see if you want to accentuate your hazel peeps! Many women have shared with me that Gorgeous Cosmetics has one of the best products on the market for enhancing hazel and olive colored eyes. You may be able to get in stores or [check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2naDfwK) for pricing. ![hazel eyes olive color male](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/male-hazel-eyes.jpg?resize=499%2C333&ssl=1)Hazel eyes of young man ## **EYE COLOR CAUTION** If you notice that your eye color has changed for no apparent reason or if the appearance of your pupil remains dilated for an extended period of time, call your optometrist right away. ![hazel eyes tyler hoechlin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/hazel-eyes-tyler-hoechlin-1024x640.jpg?resize=586%2C366 "hazel eyes of tyler hoechlin")Hazel Eyes of Tyler Hoechlin ## **CELEBRITIES WITH HAZEL EYES** There are a good number of celebrities who have hazel eyes. It is not possible to list them all here because this post would never end. Below you will find a listing of several well-known celebrities. Keep in mind that the intensity of hazel that we see may be different for each star as a result of the material we explored above: ![hazel blue eyes of marco dapper](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/marco-daper-hazel-eyes-1024x683.jpg?resize=586%2C391&ssl=1 "hazel eyes in men")Marco Dapper has hazel, olive eye color - David Beckham - Jesse Metcalfe - Kelly Clarkson - Ben Affleck - Penélope Cruz - Channing Tatum - Jessica Alba - Halle Berry - Britney Spears - Jennifer Lopez - Jon Hamm - Harrison Ford - Jude Law - Marco Dapper ![hazel eye myths revealed ](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/11hNtdjEgOseoU/giphy.gif?resize=371%2C480&ssl=1)Myths about hazel eyes ## **HAZEL EYES MYTHS** The rareness of hazel eyes causes some people to associate certain myths to this shade of green. What follows are some of the more common misnomers connected to those who were born with hazel brown, green and blue. - Hazel eyed people are more attractive - Hazel eyed people are smarter - Hazel eyed women are more sexy - Hazel eyed men are more intimate - Hazel eyed children are smarter - Hazel eyed individuals make for better lovers - Hazel eyed people are more spiritual - Hazel eyed people tend to be a [water sign](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/) ## **HAZEL EYES POLL** Below you will find a poll that is exclusive to people born with hazel as their eye color. There will no doubt be survey bias because people with this eye color often attribute certain characteristics to their persona which may or may not be true. Avoid tying your eye color to aspects of your self-worth. Happiness comes from being in a state of mind and not your eyes. ## **HAZEL EYES AND ZODIAC SIGN** Many people who have hazel eyes have a keen interest in their zodiac sign. This is particularly true of people who are [Cancers and Scorpios](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/). The truth is, your astrological sign really has nothing to do with your eyes – yet many people seem to assign magical qualities just the same. There are folks who have suggested that if you have hazel eyes, you have special powers that come from a different dimension. Here, we are talking about psychic abilities or the power to sense the emotions of others. To date, there is no scientific evidence to support these claims. ## **FINAL THOUGHTS ON OLIVE HAZEL** There is much we still do not know about eye color, including hazel colored eyes. What we do know is that many people want to change their eye color to hazel or green. In fact, some people have undergone questionable [medical procedures](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/tameka-tiny-harris-surgical-eye-color-change/story?id=26559053) in order for this to happen. It’s probably better to get a pair of colored contacted than travel to another country for something risky. Hopefully, you found the material on this post useful and informative. Oh, if you have hazel eyes, see the products below from Amazon that are designed to specifically go with your unique color! **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Amber Eyes, Blue Eyes, Blue Green Eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes, Olive Eyes --- ### [Learn About The Origins of Brown Eyes](https://guycounseling.com/brown-eyes/) **Published:** February 20, 2025 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![brown eyes man - taylor lautner ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/aquarius-man.jpg?resize=600%2C450&ssl=1)Brown eyes of Taylor Lautner Table of Contents Toggle - [Brown eyes are more special than you think](#Brown_eyes_are_more_special_than_you_think) - [Brown Eyes: A Primer](#Brown_Eyes_A_Primer) - [Science behind brown eyes](#Science_behind_brown_eyes) - [Science of Amber Eyes in People](#Science_of_Amber_Eyes_in_People) - [Brown Eyes and Genes](#Brown_Eyes_and_Genes) - [Can brown eyes change color?](#Can_brown_eyes_change_color) - [Health reasons brown eyes can change color](#Health_reasons_brown_eyes_can_change_color) - [Brown eyes and health risks](#Brown_eyes_and_health_risks) - [Brown eyes and honesty](#Brown_eyes_and_honesty) - [Changes in eye color because of light](#Changes_in_eye_color_because_of_light) - [Brown Eyes and Makeup Video](#Brown_Eyes_and_Makeup_Video) - [Male celebrities with brown eyes](#Male_celebrities_with_brown_eyes) - [Myths about brown eyes](#Myths_about_brown_eyes) - [Brown Eyes Poll](#Brown_Eyes_Poll) - [Do brown eyes come from aliens?](#Do_brown_eyes_come_from_aliens) - [Brown eyes: Final thoughts](#Brown_eyes_Final_thoughts) ## **Brown eyes are more special than you think** **Brown eyes** are beautiful to look at. They are also very unique. While the research is somewhat scattered, current estimates suggest that around 65% of all humans have brown eyes. When you consider that our global population is over seven billion in number, this means that most of the people roaming the planet have brown eyes. Bear in mind that not all shades of brown are the same. That’s the purpose of this article – to tell you all about brown eyes. I also want to help you understand the color you see reflecting in the mirror may be a lot more special than you think. ## **Brown Eyes: A Primer** This article will explore everything you ever wanted to know about brown eyes. We will examine how you got your eye color, assess how eye color can be changed and review several male celebrities that have brown eyes. As part of this post, we will also look at common brown eye myths. Other material will be covered; like different shades of brown that include hazel and gold. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![brown eyes man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/man-brown-eyes-1.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1)Man with brown eyes![dark brown eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/man-brown-eyes-2.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Dark brownish eyes ## **Science behind brown eyes** If you have brown eyes, you probably want to know how you got them. Basically, eye color is a function genetics and is determined by two factors: (1) The pigmentation of the [iris](http://www.genetics.org/content/165/4/2071.short) and (2) the scattering of light itself upon the eye’s base. Let’s examine both. Pigmentation of your iris works like a tower. On the bottom, you can the darkest colors, like deep brown and black. At the tower’s top, you lighter colors, ranging from emerald green to crystal blue. A big part of how you get pigmentation relates to a substance known as melanin; a complex polymer made from the amino acid tyrosine. The reason you see different shades of brown (i.e. caramel, chocolate, hazel-brown and gold) is because of a natural phenomenon known as *Rayleigh scattering*; a term used to describe how light scatters after riding the light spectrum wavelength. **Related:** [Learn about people with hazel eyes](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) A lot of people think eye color, like brown and blue, are part of the iris. In truth, they are not. Your eye color at any given point in time is the result of how the melanin base diffuses across the spectrum. Much of this genetically determined. ## Science of Amber Eyes in People Melanin content in eye color of people with amber, hazel, brown, blue, violet and grey and black eyes | Eye Color | Melanin Amount: Front Layer of Iris | Melanin Amount: Back Layer of Iris | Dominant Pigmentation | |---|---|---|---| | [Hazel](http://www.guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) | Medium: Less than green. More than brown | Normal | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | | Brown | Substantial | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Blue](http://www.guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) | Light | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Green](http://www.guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) | Closer to blue; less than brown | Normal | Pheomelanin | | Grey | Less than green and hazel | Normal | Eumelanin mix | | Violet/Purple | Small to none | Small to little | Unknown | | Black | Heavy | Heavy | Black Eumelanin | | Amber | Less than brown | Light | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | ![nick jonas has brown eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/nick-jonas-sexy-face.jpg?resize=750%2C400&ssl=1)Nick Jonas has deep brown eyes ## **Brown Eyes and Genes** **Old Thinking** For decades, researchers thought eye color was determined by one dominant gene. Under this line of thinking, it was believed that the offspring (children) inherit their father’s eyes. Translation: If your father had brownish eyes and your mother had blue eyes, you would likely be born with some variation of brown. And if your parents both had green eyes, that would be a strong indicator that you would have green eyes too. Some scientists believed that a recessive gene also influenced eye color. ![attractive black man eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/black-man-eyes-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Eyes can be the window to the soul. **New Thinking** We’ve made great strides in improving our understanding of eye color in recent years. Back in 2008, a paper appeared in the American Journal of Human Genetics that did away with much of what we thought we knew about eye color. According to the new research, it is believed that as many as 16 different genes may affect the way color is expressed in the iris. What does all of this mean? Well, a non-scientific translation means that a baby can technically be born with any eye color, regardless of the biological infant’s parent’s color shade. That’s not to say that heredity doesn’t play a role because it does. Brown eyes have been part of the human race since man first walked the earth some six million years ago (modern humans only evolved around 200,000 years ago). If you are from southern Europe, Africa, the Middle East and some parts of Asia, there is a higher likelihood of brown eyes running in your family. It’s important to remember that any race can have brown eyes. ![blue eyes light scatter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes-Rayleigh_sunlight_scattering.png?resize=600%2C491&ssl=1)Credit: Wikicommons ## **Can brown eyes change color?** A lot of folks say their eye color can change. That’s not a false claim – well, at least for some. People with brown, green and blue colored eyes can indeed change from time to time. Causes of eye color changes include: - How light scatters across the melanin base - Your mood - Health factors ## **Health reasons brown eyes can change color** Did you know the color of your eyes can permanently change? It’s true and that most often happens because of a health/medical reason. For example, if you suffer from [glaucoma](https://nei.nih.gov/health/glaucoma/glaucoma_facts) and take certain medications, your eye color changes can technically happen. FYI: If you have light colored brown eyes and hope to keep them, make sure you work closely with your doctor if you take medications for glaucoma. There are other medical conditions that can cause your eye color to change. Examples include Fuch’s heterochromic iridocyclitis and Horner’s syndrome. Contact your optometrist or medical doctor immediately if you ever notice a sudden change in the color of eyes. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/brody-jenner-facial-hair-560x315.jpg?resize=560%2C315&ssl=1)Brody Jenner has brown eyes ## **Brown eyes and health risks** The good news about having brown eyes is that you are less likely to suffer from the effects of the sun’s harmful radiation. Generally speaking, people with higher concentrations of melanin are less likely to develop certain types of skin cancer. Note: *This does not mean you are immune from sun damage or cancer-causing radiation*. If you have hazel colored eyes (light brown, hazel green) you are at a higher risk of developing certain types of ocular cancers, such as intraocular melanoma. This is why people with light brown eyes should wear sunconglasses with UV protection when outdoors. Speaking of glasses, doesn’t Gio Benitez with ABC News look great – flashing his brown eyes? ![Gio Benitez with ABC News has brown eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/gio-benitez-new-glasses.jpg?resize=506%2C506&ssl=1)Gio Benitez with ABC News has brown eyes ## **Brown eyes and honesty** Did you know that people with brown eyes are thought to be more honest that those with blue or green eyes? It’s true. According to a scientific study extensively discussed in [*Scientific American*](http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/science-sushi/brown-eyes-deemed-more-trustworthy-but-thats-not-the-whole-story/), that’s what people think. “Brown-eyed individuals tend to be perceived as more trustworthy than blue-eyed ones,” explain the authors. “But it is not brown eyes that cause this perception. It is the facial morphology linked to brown eyes.” ![brown eyes of ryan reynolds](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryan-r-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Ryan Reynolds has brown eyes ## **Changes in eye color because of light** Applying the previously mentioned scientific phenomenon of Rayleigh scattering, changes in eye color can happen as light particles fan across the iris. The end result can mean a person’s eye color can change from deep brown to hazel to gold! Other factors influencing the shade of brown in the eyes include: - **Time of day:** Depending upon the [sun’s intensity](http://csep10.phys.utk.edu/astr162/lect/sun/spectrum.html), light may reflect in a way that changes the hue of your iris. - **Lighting:** Faux lighting (artificial lighting) can impact the shade of your brown eyes. If you are in dark light, your brown will appear darker. In bright light, the color will appear lighter. - **Clothing and reflective colors:** The clothes you have on can impact how other people experience your eye color. Certain hues, like deep blues and greens, can influence the intensity of your brown. - **Makeup and bronzers:** If you wear eye makeup, like brown and gold eye shadow, your eye color can appear brighter to onlookers. Some people take on a chameleon look. - **Substances**: Eye color can change if you are using certain substances, including alcohol, inhalants, marijuana, uppers and downers. In many cases, the hue of your eye will appear brighter and glossier. - **Emotions**: Your mood can affect how others perceive your eye color. If you are feeling sad, your eyes may appear darker because your pupil is dilating. If you are happy, the brightness of your color may become intensified because your pupil widens. - **Seasons**: In winter, your eye color may appear darker. In summer, your, brighter. The reasons relate to how the sun’s spectrum penetrates the ozone. **Disclaimer:** If your eye color suddenly changes or if your pupil becomes dilated for an extended period of time, contact your doctor immediately. Remember, you only get one pair of eyes. ## Brown Eyes and Makeup Video Brown eyes can be accentuated by applying makeup properly. Certain shades are known to help my the darkness or lightness in your eye color “pop”. Be sure to watch the video and gain new insight. Curious about which eye shadows work best for brown eyes? Have a girlfriend with brown eyes and want to get her a gift? Check out these amazing eye makeup shades from Bobbi Brown! [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2HyFZz8). ## **Male celebrities with brown eyes** There are many celebrities with brown eyes. In fact, there are so many, there is no way they can all be listed on this one page. Keep in mind that the celebs featured below have different hues of brown. How they are expressed and perceived is very much linked to the previously mentioned factors. Heres’s a great picture on actor Ryan Guzman’s brown eyes. Aren’t they cool? https://www.instagram.com/p/BHgax00ADfA/?hl=en&taken-by=ryanaguzman Let’s check some more male stars and their different shades of brown. - Taylor Lautner - Josh Hutcherson - Gio Benitez - Colin Farrell - Ryan Guzman - James Franco - Brody Jenner - Dave Franco - Ashton Kutcher - Ryan Reynolds ([see Ryan Reynolds post](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-reynolds-style-guide/)) - Will Smith - Zachary Quinto - Johnny Depp - Orlando Bloom - Joey Lawrence - Keanu Reeves ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/taylor1.gif?resize=278%2C227&ssl=1) ## **Myths about brown eyes** Brown eyes are amazing to look into. Because of this, it makes sense that a number of myths exist about people who have this color. Bear in mind that there are more myths about people with brown eyes than the ones listed below! Here are some popular ones. - Brown eyed people are less attractive - Brown eyed men are more emotional - Brown eyed guys are better in bed - Brown eyed people are more connected to the earth - Brown eyed people live longer lives - Brown eyed people are more empathic - Brown eyed people gain weight easier - Brown eyed people are part African ## **Brown Eyes Poll** This poll is designed to assess what you think about eye color. It is not scientific and should only be used for entertainment purposes only. If you don’t see the poll below, [use this link](http://polldaddy.com/poll/9477498/): Still, the results may offer you some insight into what other people think about different colored eyes. Don’t let whatever result you see activate existing [self-image issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/). ![amber eyes male](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/amber-eyes-in-a-male.jpg?resize=714%2C420&ssl=1)Brown and amber make for a unique color ## **Do brown eyes come from aliens?** According to some urban myths, eye color is determined by supernatural forces, such as your chosen animal spirit, Other people think that eye color, [like Amber](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/),  is the direct result of alien forces. You may be wondering what aliens have to do with eye color? As the myth goes, invaders from another galaxy deposited their genetic material into the early primate genome. When you look at the eye color of most species on the planet, notice that the vast majority have a darker, “browner” color. Nobody *really* knows. ## **Brown eyes: Final thoughts** We are still learning a great deal about eye color. New research is being conducted each day. Believe it or not, you can “change” the color of your eyes with contacts. It’s even possible to undergo a medical procedure to change your [brown eyes to blue](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/tameka-tiny-harris-surgical-eye-color-change/story?id=26559053) – although this is not advised. **Categories:** Field Notes, Science **Tags:** Brown Eyes, Eye Color, green eyes, hazel eyes --- ### [Blue Green Eyes: Learn About This Rare Color](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/) **Published:** September 6, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Blue green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/blue-green-eyes.jpg?resize=485%2C365&ssl=1)Blue Green Eyes of Josh Henderson Table of Contents Toggle - [Blue Green Eyes are Unusual](#Blue_Green_Eyes_are_Unusual) - [Eye Colors: The Main Three](#Eye_Colors_The_Main_Three) - [Blue Eyes](#Blue_Eyes) - [Where do blue eyes originate from?](#Where_do_blue_eyes_originate_from) - [Origins of blue eyes](#Origins_of_blue_eyes) - [Celebrities with blue eyes](#Celebrities_with_blue_eyes) - [Green Eyes](#Green_Eyes) - [Where do green eyes originate from?](#Where_do_green_eyes_originate_from) - [Celebrities with green eyes](#Celebrities_with_green_eyes) - [Brown Eyes](#Brown_Eyes) - [What is the origin of brown eyes?](#What_is_the_origin_of_brown_eyes) - [Celebrities with brown eyes](#Celebrities_with_brown_eyes) - [Blue Green Eyes](#Blue_Green_Eyes) - [Origin of blue green eyes](#Origin_of_blue_green_eyes) - [Blue green eyes rare](#Blue_green_eyes_rare) - [Why do some people have one blue eye and one green?](#Why_do_some_people_have_one_blue_eye_and_one_green) - [SCIENCE OF BlUE GREY EYES](#SCIENCE_OF_BlUE_GREY_EYES) - [The Science Behind Blue Green Eyes](#The_Science_Behind_Blue_Green_Eyes) - [Melanin and Eye Color](#Melanin_and_Eye_Color) - [Melanin Based Reaction](#Melanin_Based_Reaction) - [Blue Green Eyes and Light](#Blue_Green_Eyes_and_Light) - [Eye Color Chart](#Eye_Color_Chart) - [Blue Green Eyes Changes](#Blue_Green_Eyes_Changes) - [Can You Change Your Eye Color?](#Can_You_Change_Your_Eye_Color) - [Blue Green Eye Myths](#Blue_Green_Eye_Myths) - [Blue Green Eyes Poll](#Blue_Green_Eyes_Poll) - [Do Blue Green Eyes Come from Aliens?](#Do_Blue_Green_Eyes_Come_from_Aliens) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## **Blue Green Eyes are Unusual** **Blue green** **eyes** are amazing to look at. Part of the reason they hold our attention is because they are extremely rare. While the science is somewhat scattered, the current [research](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0039625797800185) suggests that only around 3-5% of the human population has true blue green eyes. That’s pretty amazing when you consider there’s over 7 billion people on the planet. What’s more, having blue green eyes are unusual because the human species only has three predominant color shades: - Blue - Green - Brown Blue green eyes also captivate our imagination because both of these colors are rare. As you will read later on, the majority of people on the planet have brown eyes. **Related:** [Learn all about grey eyes](https://guycounseling.com/grey-eyes/) ## **Eye Colors: The Main Three** Before we learn more about the rarity of blue green eyes, it might be helpful to take an in depth look at the three primary colors mentioned before: blue, green and brown respectively. ![blue eyes where did they come from?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/beautiful-blue-eyes.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1 "blue eye")Blue Eye with specs of brown ## **Blue Eyes** Research on blue eyes is a hot area of science. Right now, we think that somewhere around 8% of the world’s population have blue eyes. It is important to state that we still don’t know for sure. Should that number prove to be accurate, this means that nearly 56 million people are born with some shade of blue. **Related:** [Blue Eyes: Learn About Their Origins](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) People from northern Europe, particularly in Scandinavia, seem to have highest numbers of blue eyed people. Bear in mind that there are different shades of blue, including aqua, crystal and “sky” blue. And there can be a mixture of different hews, which create hazel. ![blue eyes bright](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes.jpg?resize=533%2C300&ssl=1 "blue eye")Blue Eye with dark dark pupil ## **Where do blue eyes originate from?** There are a number of theories about the origins of blue eyes. Because we see specific ethnic groups with higher numbers of blue eyed people, it is thought there is a genetic factor at play. For example, individuals born in Germany, Ireland, Scotland, England and northern Italy seem to have a higher proportion of blue eyes when compared to other countries. In fact, regional studies suggest something like 70% of people who are indigenous to these areas have some shades of blue green. Some people refer to these as seaweed color. At one time, it was thought that if a person was born with blue eyes, it meant that their father had a dominant gene. In fact, this theory was so relied upon that it was taught in most high schools and colleges. Think back to your biology courses. Do you remember? In 2008, however, a paper came out in the American Journal of Human Genetics that did away with much of what we thought we knew about eye color. The current thinking now suggests that there are 16 genes that influence eye color and that having a family member with a dominant gene may not be all that important. ## **Origins of blue eyes** The debate rages on regarding the origins of blue eyes. The newest research points to the possibility of blue eyed people having one common ancestor; postulated by the University of Copenhagen. Through a series of genetic mutations occurring over millions of years, which happened as part of adaptation, blue eyes have become part of the human race. We still do not know if the color blue in eye color serves a specific function. [![chris pine blue eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/chris-pine-blue-eyes-1.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1 "Chris Pine ")](https://guycounseling.com/chris-pine-girlfriend-height-workout-body-type/)Blue eyes of Chris Pine ## **Celebrities with blue eyes** - Chris Evans - Chris W. Pine - Gam Gigandet - Zac Efron - Chace Crawford - Scott R. Eastwood - Henry Cavill - Chris Hemsworth - Liam Hemsworth - Jake Gyllenhaal [![male green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-male-e1417212936571.jpg?resize=500%2C342&ssl=1 "green eyes")](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/)Green Eyes of a man ## **Green Eyes** If you have green eyes, consider yourself to be in a very special club. That’s because the current research suggests that only 2% of the world’s population has green as an eye color. **Related:** [Green Eyes: Learn Why They Are So Unique](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) We see people with green eyes all over the planet. The higher concentration of this color (including hazel eyes) can be found in most all of Europe. Interestingly enough, we also see shades of green in western Asia. When you do the math and break down that 2% mentioned earlier, this means that only around 140 million people out of 7 billion on the planet have some shade of green. ## **Where do green eyes originate from?** Just like blue eyes, green eyes are thought to be part of the human species as a result of genetic adaptations. Mankind as we know it has only been on the planet for around 200,000 years. But if you trace back human ancestry using a geologic timescale and take into account adaptation, we nearly pinpoint our beginnings to two million years ago – during the [Pleistocene Epoch](http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/quaternary/pleistocene.php). At some point during the evolutionary period, green eyes started to appear as part of humanity. Some scientists think there was a functional aspect involved, which may have been the result of extinction events. We still don’t know the real answers. What’s clear is that green eyes are less common than blue and that we see different shades of blue green in many people. Most predominantly, this color appears in Caucasians. Why this is the case is still a mystery. ![hazel eyes channing tatum](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-channing-tatum.jpg?resize=514%2C341&ssl=1 "Channing Tatum eyes")Green eyes of Channing Tatum ## **Celebrities with green eyes** - Harrison Ford - Jack Nicholson - Tom Welling - Tom Cruise - Willie Ames - Vincent Perez - David Beckham - Channing Tatum - Jude Law ![Brown eyes of a man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/man-brown-eyes-1.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1)Brown eyes of a man ## **Brown Eyes** Brown eyes are the most prominent color on the planet. Like the other hews mentioned, we are not sure how many people have brown eyes. Current research suggests that something like 65% of the global population has some type of brown pigmentation in the iris. **Related:** [Brown Eyes: Learn All About Them](http://www.gaypopbuzz.com/brown-eyes-learn-people-special/) We see men and women with brown eyes all over the planet. The largest concentration of people with brown eyes, including brown-green eyes, can be found in southern Europe, Africa and throughout Asia. South American people tend to have darker colored eyes. Tectonic plate shifting may be the causal reason when Pangea broke off and formed Africa and South America. Watch this short video below for more insight. ## **What is the origin of brown eyes?** Like the previously mentioned eye colors, brown eyes are thought to be present from mankind’s earliest manifestations on earth. Some scientists believe that most early humans had some form of brown; but they are unsure why. What’s interesting to note is that when you look at the color of most monkey’s eyes, they are commonly brown – with some having a brownish hazel tine. Brown is thought to have been a camouflage color as part of human adaptation, thereby allowing early man to hide in the brush during the hunter-gather stage of development. ![Taylor Lautner eyes brown](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/taylor-lautner-brown-eyes.jpg?resize=508%2C381&ssl=1)Brown eyes of Taylor Lautner ## **Celebrities with brown eyes** - Taylor Lautner - Gio Benitez - Brody Jenner - Zachary Quinto - Will Smith - Joey Lawrence - Orlando Bloom - Ryan Guzman - Ryan Reynolds ![blue green eye](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/tyler-hoechlin-eye.jpg?resize=500%2C316&ssl=1)Blue green eye of Tyler Hoechlin ## **Blue Green Eyes** All of the previously mentioned material has brought us to the topic of blue green eyes. What exactly are they? And why do some people have one blue eye and one green eye? Blue green eyes are no different than the other eye colors mentioned before when it comes to origin. They are thought to be part of human evolution as part of adaptation. What’s different about blue green eyes are the moniker they often go by; hazel eyes. But what many folks don’t realize is that one doesn’t have to have a combination of **blue and green** to have “hazel”. That’s because hazel eyes can include brown blue or brown green. **Related:** [Learn why hazel eyes are special](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) ## **Origin of blue green eyes** Perhaps the most fascinating part of blue green eyes relates to their origin. The research suggests that the mixed shade of blue green only started appearing in the human species around 10,000 years ago. When you consider the geologic timescale mentioned earlier, that’s not very long ago! Several scientists think the blue green adaptation happened sometime after the last ice age, which was some 8,000 years ago. Here is a direct quote from the research, appearing in *Human Genetics* in 2008 on this topic: “One single haplotype, represented by six polymorphic SNPs covering half of the 3′ end of the HERC2 gene, was found in 155 blue-eyed individuals from Denmark, and in 5 and 2 blue-eyed individuals from Turkey and Jordan, respectively.” When you cut through the scientific mumbo-jumbo, the scientists are basically saying that blue and green may come to us from Scandinavia but that a mixture took place at some point with people mating in modern day Mesopotamia. ![eddie redmayne blue green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/eddie-redmayne-blue-green-eyes.jpg?resize=564%2C355&ssl=1)Blue green eyes of Eddie Redmayne ## **Blue green eyes rare** True blue green eyes are extremely rare. To qualify as having blue green, one must have a hint of both colors in the iris. This is a distinctive feature that separates people who have hazel eyes, where either green or brown are prominent. A person can also have blue green eyes if there is a different color in each eye. For example, actor Josh Henderson has one blue eye and one green eye. Very, very rare. ## **Why do some people have one blue eye and one green?** Scientists think there are some people born with different eye colors (aka: mixed eye color) as an accident of genetics. The name of this condition is *[heterochromia](http://www.aao.org/eye-health/diseases/what-is-heterochromia).* We honestly don’t know the answer. DNA from both parents are part of the child’s genetic material, which may have experienced some type of alteration during the zygote phase of development. There are no in womb studies that presently explain what’s going on. ## SCIENCE OF BlUE GREY EYES Melanin content in eye color of people with grey, green, amber, hazel, brown, blue, violet and gray and black eyes | Eye Color | Melanin Amount: Front Layer of Iris | Melanin Amount: Back Layer of Iris | Dominant Pigmentation | |---|---|---|---| | [Hazel](http://www.guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) | Medium: Less than green. More than brown | Normal | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | | Brown | Substantial | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Blue](http://www.guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) | Light | Normal | Eumelanin | | Green | Closer to blue; less than brown | Normal | Pheomelanin | | Grey | Less than green and hazel | Normal | Eumelanin mix | | Violet/Purple | Small to none | Small to little | Unknown | | Black | Heavy | Heavy | Black Eumelanin | | [Amber](http://www.guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) | Less than brown | Light | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | | Grey | Light | Normal | Eumelanin | ## **The Science Behind Blue Green Eyes** When a person is born with blue green eyes, it is the direct result of genetics. As mentioned previously, there are 16 known genes involved with the process. ## **Melanin and Eye Color** There is a substance called melanin that is common in all humans. Made of a complex polymer with the amino acid tyrosine, this chemical has a lot to do with how your eyes are experienced by others. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=158013954X&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/158013954X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=158013954X&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=c24392b4188885b45fb66c133a2f4522)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=158013954X) ## **Melanin Based Reaction** The concentration of melanin in your eyes reflects back light from its source. The richer the melanin, the deeper the color a person will see. If you have green blue eyes, however, it is possible that what is mirrored back is black. That’s because the base of the iris isn’t able to project these two hews at once. ![jensen ackles green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/jensen-ackles-green-eyes.jpg?resize=500%2C280&ssl=1)Jensen Ackles: Credit Fanpop ## **Blue Green Eyes and Light** Part of your eye contains something called an *iris*. This iris itself is made up of two layers, with one in the front and one in the back. Sandwiched between the two is the *stoma*, which is essentially made up of collagen. This information is important to know because eye color, like blue green, isn’t determined by the iris itself. Instead, the shade is linked to how the melanin previously mentioned reflects back light. Light reflection can be natural or artificial. Either way, light itself largely influences how others experience your eye color. ## **Eye Color Chart** ![eye color chart](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/eye-colors.jpg?resize=1024%2C576&ssl=1)Eye Color Chart: Notice the different shades When you look carefully at someone who has blue green eyes, doesn’t it seem like their color changes right in front of you? That’s because of the way light bounces off the melanin base. Or in scientific terms – *Rayleigh Scattering*. While this may sound like a fancy term, Rayleigh scattering is phenomenon that dictates how light bends and scatters.  This is why you experience a blue sky instead of a red one, like on Mars. Here is a video that may help to better explain how this dynamic works. ## **Blue Green Eyes Changes** There are other factors that impact how others experience blue green eyes. Examples include: - Mood - Clothing - Makeup - Weather - Medical reasons The above mentioned may sound odd but remember, eye color is almost always experienced through the presence of light. The intensity of that color also depends on chemical reactions happening inside of the body. **Related:** [Get rid of dark circles and bags under eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) If you are in a sad mood, your eyes will appear more tearful and therefore brighter. If someone with blue green eyes has on a light shirt, their eye color will appear darker. The same holds true for weather; meaning the amount of sun in the sky. Generally speaking, the more sunlight that appears, the lighter the expression of eye color. ![Heterochromia blue green brown](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/one-blue-one-green.jpg?resize=695%2C275&ssl=1)Blue Green eyes: Heterochromia ## **Can You Change Your Eye Color?** There are artificial means that people use to change eye color. Primarily, this is accomplished through the use of contacts. But if you have really dark eyes, like deep brown, the use of contacts can make you have something that looks fake. ## **Blue Green Eye Myths** There are a number of myths associated with blue green eyes. Here is just a small sampling: - Blue green eyed people are smarter - Blue green eyed people are more attractive - Blue green eyed people can hypnotize people - Blue green eyed people live shorter lives - Blue green eyed people are part Latino - Blue green eyed men are mostly Scorpios - Blue green eyed women are mostly Pisces ## **Blue Green Eyes Poll** Just for fun, here’s a poll that asks you some questions about eye color. Please note this is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered scientific in nature. ## **Do Blue Green Eyes Come from Aliens?** Some people think that a combination of blue green eye color is the direct result of alien interference on planet earth. Obviously, there’s no evidence to support this claim but that doesn’t stop some folks from believing this. FYI: Some people think owls came from aliens too. **Related:** [Owl Tattoos: Symbols and Meaning](https://guycounseling.com/owl-tattoos-learn-their-symbolism-and-meaning/) The reason the rumor started is mostly born out of urban myth. Because blue green eyes are most unusual, some people reached for a supernatural explanation. Silly – but that’s how that bit of gossip started. ## **Final Thoughts** Eye color is determined by a number of factors, including genetics, melanin pigmentation and the phenomenon of light. With each passing year, scientists are learning more and more about the origins of eye color, including blue green eyes. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Blue Eyes, Blue Green Eyes, Brown Eyes, Eye Color, green eyes, hazel eyes --- ### [Strength vs. Power: Learn The Difference Between Both Types](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-a-term-bodybuilders-must-know/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![muscular strength](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/muscular-strength.jpg?resize=500%2C637&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/muscular-strength.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Muscular Strength vs. Muscular Power** **Muscular strength** and muscular power are two terms we hear bandied about when exploring **workout plans**. But what do these terms really mean? Can knowing about the differences between muscular strength vs. muscular power help you to build lean muscle at the gym? Finally how might knowing about muscular strength and power help you to reach your body building goals? Through the magic of exercise physiology, the answers to the questions are now revealed. This brief article will explore the concept of muscular strength in the context of body building and weight lifting terminology. I will give you a basic, working definition of both muscular strength and power with the goal of helping you synthesize this material into your body building workouts. As part of the analysis, I will compare and contrast muscular strength with muscular power so that you have concrete examples for real world application. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![strength vs. power](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/strength-vs.-power.jpg?resize=640%2C480&ssl=1)Strength vs. Power: Different Constructs ## **Muscular Strength** Muscular strength can be generally defined as a muscles ability to exert force. Sounds pretty simple, huh? While this definition gets to the heart of this concept, it may be helpful for you to know something more clinical. A comprehensive definition of muscular strength is the maximum force that a muscle or muscle group can generate at one time. Let me give you some concrete examples so that you can see what I am talking about in the real world; like the gym. ## **Muscular Strength Example** Let’s say a person with the maximal capacity to bench press 220 LBS has two times the strength of someone who can bench press 110 LBS. Using this example, we would define strength as the *maximum weight* the individual can lift in one single effort. Typically, this is referred to as the 1-repition maximum or 1 RM. Make sense? ## **Muscular Strength vs. Muscular Power** Muscle strength should not be confused with the concept of *muscular power*. It might help to understand what the term muscular power means, right? OK – **muscular power** can be defined as the rate of preforming work and is the product of force or velocity. ![chris and liam hemesworth body building](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chris-and-liam-hemsworth-bodies.jpg?resize=467%2C388&ssl=1) ## **Muscular Power Example** Let’s use Chris and Liam Hemsworth as examples – to celebrities who happen to be brothers. Assume both Chris and Liam are at your gym. You stop your workout for a moment to watch them do some chest exercises. As part of your observation, you notice both brothers can bench press 300 LBS with the ability to move the weight the same distance from where the bar touches their chests to the position of full extension. Chris however can do it in half the time as Liam. What are the implications? Well, it means that Chris Hemsworth has *twice* the power of his brother Liam. The element of time is the key variable here, which is measured in velocity. Do you see the difference between muscular strength and muscular power now? Think of it this way. *Strength* gives you the ability to lift the weight while *power* gives you the ability to execute the lift quickly and continuously. You need power if you ever wish to work through a workout set with multiple sets and do it in a way which affords you the *full range of motion*. And so while two people may be able to lift the same about of weight, the person who struggles to move through the reps is considered to have *less power*. The person who does not struggle is considered to have *more* power. [![Chest Workout upper body exercises](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chest-workout.jpg?resize=500%2C371&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chest-workout.jpg?ssl=1)Bodybuilder- strength vs. power.  ## **Muscular Strength and Body Building Workout Plans** When you go about the business of picking a workout plan, such as an [upper body workout](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workouts-focus-chest/) plan, you want to incorporate the twin goals of increasing muscular strength and power, which is best achieved through muscular endurance. The key to endurance is *consistency* over the course of time. This means you should be picking a workout plan, at least initially, that is realistic and doable in nature. Start off with lighter weights and use an upward pyramid approach as part of your set. Again, you are trying to build strength, which eventually increases power over the course of time through endurance. ## **Summary** Many body builders make the mistake of heading into the gym with singular goal of increasing muscle size. While this is understandable (all of us want to get bigger) this approach misses the point. You cannot grow your muscles if you do not have the necessary strength to complete a repetition. What’s more, you won’t be able to increase muscle size unless you have the muscular power to continuously work through reps as part of your goal set (i.e. 10 reps of 12, 10, 10 and 8). Knowing about the concepts of muscular strength vs. muscular power are key to the success of your workout plans. This is true if you are trying to build an impressive back or if you are trying to to grow your legs. One approach many weight lifters and body builders take to help increasing strength, speed and power are [plyometric](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) exercises. In fact, this is a core concept for people who engage in cross-fit type workouts. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0756654475&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756654475/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0756654475&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=VGRDRDKUIZ4IKSY4)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0756654475)If you are looking to gain more knowledge about muscle strength, muscle power and body building so that your workouts are more productive, I would recommend *Strength Training Step by Step* ([see Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3cVaIYh)). This book is very helpful with creating workout plans that focus on muscular strength and power with the ultimate goal of increasing muscle size. I hope you found the information on muscular strength and your workout plans useful. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling. Please like us on social media. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** muscular strength, Power, training, weight lifting --- ### [Which of These 7 Love Styles Describes You?](https://guycounseling.com/7-love-styles-explained/) **Published:** September 7, 2025 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![love styles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/love-styles.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Love Styles Explained The Greeks are famous for bringing western democracy and philosophy to the rest of the world. They were classical thinkers and epic warriors. Greeks also had a highly sophisticated understanding of love. For ancient Greeks, love wasn’t just a four-letter word. In fact, there are at least seven different Greek words for love and each one carries a slightly different meaning. Modern culture often views love through a one-dimensional prism of perception and awareness. Yet, you might benefit from rediscovering the ways in which ancient Greeks defined the various aspects of love. What follows are 7 love styles, almost entirely based on the work of the late psychologist John Lee, author of the book:  [The Colors of Love](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1498965.Colours_Of_Love), published in 1973. As you look at the different approaches to love, which best describes you? ## 1. Eros Eros was the Greek god of love. His modern manifestation is Cupid. So, you can see the relationship there with Valentine’s Day and the act of falling in love. Eros in the philosophical sense represents sexual desire and passion. Eros is also referred to as “hot love” because it is the type of love that radiates during a new romance and it is easily recognized. Eros is the root term of the word “erotic”. Eros is deeply rooted in physical arousal and immediate sexual attraction to other people or objects. **Related:** [Passion vs. Love and How to Have It in The Same Person](https://guycounseling.com/love-passion-same-person/) ## 2. Storge This type of love revolves around the devotion of familial bonds. The term “Philostorgos” means “to be devoted”. The term “astorgos” means that someone is devoid or incapable of love. Storge love is most commonly viewed as the love that is shared between a parent and their offspring. It’s also the love that is felt between long-term partners. Storge, or storgos does not carry a sexual connotation. It’s not commonly used to refer to romantic relationships at all. Simply stated, storge is love for the family. You can have storge love for brothers, sisters, cousins, and anyone else that is considered to be part of your family. ## 3. Ludus Ludus has its roots in both Latin and Greek languages. It is the fun, carefree type of love. Ludus is love that exists without judgement or any deep meaning. Ludus is playful. Ludus is universal. It is expressed by both children and adults alike. Ludus is often viewed as a substitute for eros love. Both deal with our physical enjoyment and passion for life itself. You feel ludus when you have a crush on someone, or you engage in harmless flirting with coworkers. Dancing, horseplaying with friends, or giving someone a massage can all be seen as expressions of ludus, the playful love. ## 4. Pragma Pragma is one of the most difficult forms of love. It is the romantic love that stands the test of time. Pragma is sometimes referred to as “cool love” meaning that it has transcended the hot, passionate phase of eros love. Pragma is experienced by romantic partners who are mature, patient, and forgiving. It is expressed in the form of longstanding commitments, as a marriage or civil partnerships. Pragma most certainly comes from the heart, but it benefits from all other forms of love, as well. Pragma is the culmination of these 7 different forms of love. ## 5. Agape This is a general form of love that is expressed to everyone around you. Agape love can also be interpreted as goodwill. Agape love puts others ahead of the self. For people who have a religious background, agape love is the love that God expresses to all of humanity and it’s the self-sacrificing love of the Christ figure. Agape love is a type of emotion that radiates from the mind and the spirit. It’s not dependent on what others do in return and it doesn’t have the immediate payoff of eros or erotic love. Agape is the love of the esthetics and people who appreciate the beautiful nature of all things. ## 6. Philia This is a form of love that most people should be aware of. After all, “philosophy” is the love of wisdom and “philanthropy” is the love for your fellow man. Philia love relates to non-erotic passion. Whereas eros and ludus can be expressed through our libido, philia is expressed solely from the heart. It is the deep love and loyalty that we have for friends and others. It is our sense of compassion. Philia doesn’t have to just be directed towards people. Philia is also a way to interpret our deep love for ideas, concepts, and institutions. **Related:** [8 Types of Men Who’ll Make Great Friends](https://guycounseling.com/8-types-of-guys-wholl-make-great-best-friends/) ## 7. Philautia This is one of the most complicated forms of love. In its simplest explanation, philautia is the love we have for ourselves. People who lean in the direction of philautia love are natural introverts and feel at peace in their own company. Yet, there is a positive and a negative expression of philautia. When expressed negatively, a person might become narcissistic, conceited, or self-absorbed. When expressed in a positive manner, philautia takes the form of self-care, high self-esteem, and empathy. ## Lessons in Love from Ancient Greeks In modern society, we use the word love in limited abstractions. There’s romantic love, the love for ourselves and love for others. However, the ancient Greeks were well aware of the complicated nature of love. By gaining a more complete understanding of the range and depths of love, we better understand ourselves. Most people experience all these types of love at the same time. The energy is just directed toward different people and different situations. Sometimes, we misfire and engage in the wrong type of love or direct that energy at the wrong type of person. It’s important to note though that one type of love doesn’t supersede the others. If it did, then that would almost certainly result in a misalignment of a person’s emotions. Even if you only felt agape love, then you would be limiting your capacity to experience the deeply rewarding aspects of the other expressions. So, explore these different types of love in your own life and maybe you will find ways to expand your capacity for our greatest emotion. — Main Photo Credit: Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Lee, Love Styles, Relationship Styles --- ### [The Paradox of Happiness: Why Chasing It Makes You Miserable](https://guycounseling.com/happiness-paradox/) **Published:** December 1, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man chasing happiness paradox](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/man-chasing-happiness.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Happiness Paradox Explored Here’s something I see all the time in my therapy practice: guys come in frustrated because despite doing everything “right”—good job, decent relationship, working out, eating well—they still don’t feel happy. They’re confused and kind of pissed off about it. “Doc, I’m checking all the boxes. Why am I still not happy?” That’s when I explain the paradox of happiness, and I watch their faces go through this progression: confusion, skepticism, then usually a kind of relieved recognition. Like finally, someone’s explaining why they feel stuck. So let me break it down for you the same way I do in session. ## What Is This Paradox Thing Anyway? The paradox of happiness is pretty straightforward once you get it: **the more you chase happiness as a goal, the more unhappy you become**. When you make being happy your main goal in life, you actually end up more anxious, self-critical, and dissatisfied. It’s like trying to fall asleep—the harder you try, the more awake you stay. Research from Yale, UC Berkeley, and other major universities consistently shows that people who value happiness highly are actually more likely to experience depression and loneliness. The more importance you place on being happy, the more disappointed you’ll be with your emotional state. ## The Research That’ll Blow Your Mind Let me hit you with some actual data, because this isn’t just philosophy—it’s science. A landmark study from UC Berkeley found that people who highly valued happiness experienced more disappointment in positive situations and felt lonelier overall. Another study from Yale showed that when people were explicitly told to try to feel happy while listening to pleasant music, they actually enjoyed it less than people who just listened naturally. Think about that. Being told to be happy actually made people less happy. Multiple research teams have replicated these findings. When happiness becomes the goal, you paradoxically move further from it. This isn’t because you’re doing something wrong—it’s because the approach itself is flawed. ## ![scientist chasing happiness paradox](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/science.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why Does This Happen? Four Mechanisms Let me explain the four main ways chasing happiness backfires. Once you understand these, you’ll see them everywhere in your own life. ### 1. You’re Constantly Judging Yourself When happiness is your goal, every moment becomes a test. “Am I happy right now? Should I be happier? Why aren’t I happier?” This constant self-monitoring creates a meta-emotional problem—you’re not just feeling your feelings, you’re judging whether you’re feeling the “right” feelings. That evaluation process itself generates anxiety and dissatisfaction. In my practice, I see guys who can’t enjoy a perfectly good moment because they’re too busy evaluating whether they’re enjoying it enough. That’s exhausting. ### 2. Normal Emotions Become Failures Life includes discomfort. Boredom. Frustration. Sadness. Anxiety. These are normal parts of human experience. But when you’re chasing happiness, these normal emotions feel like failures. “I shouldn’t be anxious. I should be happy right now. What’s wrong with me?” So now you’re not just dealing with the original emotion—you’re dealing with shame and self-criticism about having that emotion in the first place. This is what I use constantly with [men’s therapy clients](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-men-for-better-living/): helping them accept that negative emotions aren’t problems to solve, they’re just parts of being human. ### 3. You’re Never Actually Present Chasing happiness means you’re always focused on whether you feel happy RIGHT NOW. This pulls you out of actual engagement with life. You’re at dinner with friends, but you’re not really there—you’re monitoring your happiness levels. You’re on vacation, but you’re anxious about whether you’re enjoying it enough. The irony: genuine contentment comes from being fully engaged in meaningful activities, not from constantly checking your emotional temperature. ### 4. You Avoid Necessary Discomfort Meaningful stuff is often uncomfortable. Difficult conversations. Challenging work. Vulnerability in relationships. Personal growth. When happiness is your main goal, you avoid these things because they don’t feel good. But avoiding meaningful discomfort makes your life smaller and less satisfying. I see this all the time: guys who won’t have hard conversations with their partners, won’t take career risks, won’t push themselves physically—all in the name of “maintaining happiness.” Then they wonder why life feels empty. ## ![happiness paradox illustration ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/happiness-paradox-graphic-illustration-.png?resize=830%2C610&ssl=1) ## What Actually Works: The Alternative Approach Okay, so if chasing happiness doesn’t work, what does? Let me give you the alternative framework that actually has research support. ### Stop Making Happiness the Goal First step: stop treating happiness as something you pursue directly. Instead of “What will make me happy?”, ask “What matters to me?” and “What kind of person do I want to be?” Focus on values and meaningful action, not feelings. The feelings take care of themselves when you’re living according to what matters. ### Accept the Full Range of Emotions You need to develop what we call “emotional acceptance”—the willingness to experience uncomfortable emotions without trying to control or eliminate them. This doesn’t mean you like feeling anxious or sad. It means you stop treating these emotions as problems that must be fixed before you can live your life. In therapy, we use approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help people develop this skill. We offer [CBT therapy in Chicago](https://www.mychicagotherapist.com/cbt-treatment-chicago/) specifically focused on building emotional flexibility. ### Build Psychological Flexibility Psychological flexibility means being able to do what matters even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s the opposite of rigidly pursuing comfort and avoiding discomfort. This is a trainable skill. You practice being willing to feel whatever you feel while taking action on what’s important. Example: You’re anxious about a difficult conversation with your boss. Chasing happiness says “Wait until the anxiety goes away.” Psychological flexibility says “Have the conversation with the anxiety.” The anxiety might be there, but you do it anyway. ### Focus on Meaning and Purpose Research consistently shows that meaning and purpose predict life satisfaction better than happiness pursuit does. People who have a sense of purpose—something they’re working toward that matters—report higher life satisfaction even when they’re not particularly happy day-to-day. This might be raising kids well, building something meaningful, contributing to your community, developing mastery in your field, or living according to your values. ### Take Committed Action Here’s what actually changes things: taking action aligned with your values, regardless of how you feel. Depressed and don’t feel like exercising? Exercise anyway. Anxious about social situations but value connection? Show up anyway. Don’t feel motivated to work on meaningful projects? Work on them anyway. Action comes first. Motivation and positive feelings come later, as byproducts. At our [ACT therapy practice](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), we work on this constantly—helping people identify their values and take committed action even when they don’t feel like it. ## ![man smiling happiness paradox](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/man-smiling-depression-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Practical Strategies You Can Use Today Let me give you some concrete things you can do right now. ### 1. Identify Your Values Write down what actually matters to you. Not what should matter, not what makes you happy—what genuinely matters. Maybe it’s being a good father, doing quality work, staying physically strong, being honest, contributing to something bigger than yourself, building real relationships, or creating something meaningful. These are your north star, not your feelings. ### 2. Do Values-Based Action Daily Pick one value and do something aligned with it today, regardless of how you feel. Value connection? Text a friend. Value health? Work out even though you’re tired. Value contribution? Help someone. Value growth? Spend 30 minutes learning something new. The key: do it whether you feel like it or not. ### 3. Practice “And” Thinking Stop thinking “I can’t do X until Y happens.” Start thinking “I can do X and feel Y.” Not: “I can’t go to that party until I feel less anxious.” Instead: “I can go to that party and feel anxious.” Not: “I can’t work on my project until I feel motivated.” Instead: “I can work on my project and not feel motivated.” This simple shift changes everything. ### 4. Notice Without Judging When you notice yourself feeling unhappy, anxious, or frustrated, try just noticing it without the meta-commentary. Not: “I’m anxious. I shouldn’t be anxious. What’s wrong with me?” Instead: “I’m noticing anxiety right now. Okay.” Just observe the emotion like you’d observe weather. It’s there. That’s all. ### 5. Build Your Distress Tolerance Practice staying with uncomfortable emotions instead of immediately trying to fix or escape them. Feel bored? Stay with it for a few minutes instead of immediately grabbing your phone. Feel anxious? Sit with it. Feel sad? Let it be there. You’re training yourself that uncomfortable emotions aren’t emergencies requiring immediate action. ### 6. Focus on Contribution, Not Consumption Ask “What can I give?” instead of “What will make me happy?” Research consistently shows that giving—time, attention, support, resources—leads to greater well-being than taking. Volunteer work, helping friends, supporting colleagues, being generous—all of these predict life satisfaction better than self-focused pleasure seeking. ### 7. Accept That Life Is Mostly Ordinary Most of your life will be regular, unremarkable moments. Commutes. Meals. Routine tasks. Small conversations. Ordinary work. That’s not failure. That’s life. The pressure to make everything special and meaningful actually prevents you from appreciating what’s right in front of you. A regular Tuesday where you showed up, did your work, and had dinner with your family might not be Instagram-worthy. But it’s a life. And it’s enough. ## When This Shows Up As Anxiety or Depression The happiness paradox often intensifies when you’re dealing with anxiety or depression. Let me address both. ### For Anxiety: Stop Fighting It A lot of anxious guys believe: “I can’t be happy until my anxiety is gone.” So they spend enormous energy trying to eliminate anxiety—avoiding situations that trigger it, using substances to numb it, constantly seeking reassurance. This makes anxiety worse and your life smaller. The alternative: build a meaningful life *with* your anxiety. Take your anxiety to important meetings, difficult conversations, new experiences. It’s a passenger, not the driver. Research shows that anxiety acceptance—willingness to feel anxious without fighting it—predicts better outcomes than anxiety control attempts. At our ACT therapy practice, we work on this all the time with anxious clients. ### For Depression: Act First, Feel Later Depression tells you: “Wait until you feel motivated, then you can do things.” This is a trap that keeps you stuck. The truth: motivation follows action, it doesn’t precede it. You have to do meaningful things before you’ll feel like doing meaningful things. Schedule activities and do them regardless of how you feel. Exercise even when you don’t want to. See friends even when you’d rather isolate. Work on projects even when they seem pointless. The positive emotions show up after you engage, not before. ## The Social Media Problem Social media intensifies the happiness paradox by providing constant “evidence” that everyone else has achieved the happiness you’re missing. Of course, this is an illusion. You’re comparing your internal experience to everyone else’s highlight reel. But it reinforces the belief that happiness is: (1) achievable as a constant state, (2) the norm for most people, and (3) something you’re failing at. None of these are true. If you find yourself in happiness comparison loops on social media, take breaks. Limit your exposure. Remind yourself that what you’re seeing isn’t reality—it’s curated performance. ## When to Get Professional Help Sometimes the happiness paradox is tangled up with clinical issues that benefit from professional support. Consider therapy if: - You’ve been stuck in this pattern for months or years - Your attempts to feel happy are interfering with your life (relationships, work, health) - You’re using substances to manage emotional discomfort - You’re avoiding more and more of life to protect yourself from negative emotions - You’re experiencing persistent depression or anxiety that’s not improving Approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), [Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)](https://www.anxietytherapistchicago.com/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-in-chicago/), and mindfulness-based therapies specifically address these patterns. We work with these exact issues at our therapy services in Chicago. ## ![happiness paradox and goals](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Why does chasing happiness make you unhappy? Chasing happiness backfires because it turns your emotional state into something you’re constantly judging. You’re always asking “Am I happy enough right now?” which makes you anxious and self-conscious. Plus, when normal negative emotions show up (which they always do), you feel like you’re failing. The constant monitoring and evaluation actually prevents you from experiencing genuine contentment. It’s exhausting and self-defeating. ### What should I focus on instead of happiness? Instead of chasing feelings, focus on what matters to you—your values. Maybe that’s being a good father, doing work that contributes something meaningful, staying true to your word, or building real relationships. Take action on what matters even when it’s uncomfortable. Happiness shows up as a side effect when you’re living according to your values, not when you’re hunting for it. This is what we work on in therapy—helping guys identify their values and take committed action. ### How can therapy help with the happiness paradox? Therapy approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) specifically target this problem. ACT helps you identify what actually matters to you and take action on it, regardless of how you feel. CBT helps you challenge the unrealistic beliefs about happiness that keep you stuck. Both approaches teach you to accept uncomfortable emotions rather than constantly fighting them. It’s about building psychological flexibility—being able to have difficult feelings while still doing what matters. ### Is it normal to feel unhappy sometimes? Absolutely. Feeling the full range of emotions—including unhappiness, frustration, anxiety, and boredom—is completely normal and healthy. Research actually shows that people who experience diverse emotions, including negative ones, have better mental health than those trying to stay positive all the time. Life isn’t supposed to feel good every minute. Thinking it should is what creates the problem. The goal isn’t constant happiness; it’s building a meaningful life that includes all emotions. ### Can positive thinking make things worse? Yeah, forced positive thinking can actually intensify the happiness paradox. When you try to suppress negative thoughts or force yourself to “think positive,” you create additional stress. Then when negative thoughts inevitably show up (which they will), you feel like you’re doing something wrong. Research shows that thought suppression backfires—it makes unwanted thoughts more persistent. Better approach: accept thoughts without judgment rather than trying to control them. ### How long does it take to shift from happiness-chasing to values-based living? It varies, but most people notice shifts in perspective within a couple months of consistent practice, whether in therapy or on their own. In therapy using ACT or CBT, guys often report meaningful changes within 8-12 sessions. But this isn’t about reaching a destination—it’s developing a new ongoing relationship with your emotions and values. The benefits deepen over time as you practice living this way. ### What if I’ve already “made it” but still feel empty? This is super common, especially with guys in their 30s and 40s who’ve achieved career success, have decent relationships, and are doing everything “right” but still feel unsatisfied. Usually it’s because they’ve been chasing external markers of success (money, status, achievements) thinking these would make them happy. When they get there and still feel empty, they think something’s broken. Nothing’s broken—the formula is just wrong. Time to shift focus from achievements to values, from external success to internal alignment. ## Final Thoughts Look, I get it. You picked up messages your whole life that happiness should be the goal. Work hard, play hard, be happy. The American Dream and all that. But that formula doesn’t work for most people. And recognizing that isn’t pessimism—it’s realism that opens up better options. Stop chasing happiness. Start living according to what matters. Accept the full human experience, discomfort included. Take action even when you don’t feel like it. That’s not a consolation prize. That’s actually the path to a life worth living. And yeah, happiness usually shows up along the way. Just not in the way you expected, and not because you were chasing it. *Dr. John Moore is a therapist in Chicago specializing in men’s issues, anxiety, and helping people move beyond the happiness trap toward meaningful lives. Learn more about t[herapy services in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/).* **Categories:** Field Notes, Science **Tags:** happiness, joy, Paradox --- ### [Wash Away Stress with RAIN!](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/) **Published:** November 20, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Chris Evans Facts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Chris-Evans.jpg?resize=596%2C379&ssl=1) ## **Reduce Stress With Mindfulness** **Stress** is a very real part of daily life. This is particularly true if you are trying to juggle multiple things at once, like a job, school, relationships and just plain old living. Over the course of time, stress can accumulate and wreak havoc on your body. Throw in a good dose of anxiety and you stress can create serious health problems. Here, we are talking about everything from cardiac issues to IBS. There is a natural approach to reducing stress that comes to us from the [world of mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/). Specifically, I am talking about RAIN. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/JaS7ZfYp1CCli/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **RAIN** The term RAIN is an acronym for **R**ecognizing, **A**ccepting, **I**nvestigating and **N**on-Identification. This specific approach is used by people who are struggling with different emotions that contribute to their personal stress level. Many celebrities use mindfulness type approaches to promote wellness, including Chris Evans, Jared Leto and Chris Pine. Let’s walk through each part of RAIN so that you get a better understanding of how this mindfulness based technique can help you better deal with stress. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## **Recognizing** Before you can deal with what is stressing you, it is important to know *what* you are feeling. This can only begin when you *recognize* the emotion that you are experiencing. Examples include anger, sadness and frustration. Some people find it helpful to take a few deep breaths and purge their mind of negative energy so as to better recognize what they are feeling. You don’t need to get all new-age with this. Just inhale and exhale and focus your attention on the process of breathing. ## **Accepting** Now that you have identified the emotion you are feeling, it is important to simply go with it. This means *accepting* the emotion. If you are used to denying what you are feeling, you may be making your stress worse. This is simply because denial paradoxically makes what we are feeling stronger. Using a mindful approach, all you need to do is say to yourself what you are feeling. Example: “I’m feeling angry right now.” Another example might be, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.” The point here is to name the emotion and own it. ## **Investigating** This part can be confusing but only if you allow this to happen. *Investigating* really just means observing the different things going on in different parts of your heart, body and mind. A few helpful questions to ask yourself might be: “What am I aware of in my body with this emotion?” and “Where am I feeling this emotion on my person?” Some people notice a burning sensation in the stomach. Others are able to identify tension in the shoulders. And still others are aware of stiffness in the back. The idea is to investigate *where* you are experiencing the emotion physically. Make sense? ## **Non-Identification** The final part of RAIN is designed to let you step away from the emotion you are feeling. By placing distance between yourself and your emotion, you create a pathway for the feeling to pass. As Shamash Alidina shares in her book, *Mindfulness for Dummies*, the word emotion has the word *motion* in it. When you can place distance between what you are feeling and your physical person, you allow that emotion to fully process and move on. ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2jaqHCj)). ## **Final Thoughts** There are plenty of other natural ways to work through stress. These include body building, general physical activity and meditation. Sometimes, however, stress can be triggered by something in the immediate moment that we are feeling. By remembering to use RAIN as when we are feeling stress, you can go about the business of better processing your emotions and detoxifying from stress. Now that doesn’t sound too bad – does it? I hope you found this information useful! Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Chris Evans, Mindfulness, stress --- ### [Why Men Struggle with Grief and Loss](https://guycounseling.com/men-grief-loss/) **Published:** October 5, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men's grief and loss](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/men-and-grief.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men and Grief Grief touches every man’s life at some point—whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of identity that comes with retirement, career change, or illness. Yet many men in Chicago and beyond struggle to express their pain openly. Instead, they often carry it quietly, feeling pressure to “stay strong” or “hold it together” for others. As a **men’s therapist in Chicago**, I’ve seen how cultural expectations can make it especially difficult for men to process loss. Many guys are taught early on to Do you really want to [l](https://www.anxietytherapistchicago.com/wp-login.php?action=logout&_wpnonce=6e13306272)control emotions, solve problems, and keep moving forward. But grief doesn’t work that way. It demands attention, patience, and honesty. When we push grief away, it doesn’t disappear—it simply finds quieter, more painful ways to surface through irritability, withdrawal, or even depression. If you’re a man coping with loss, know this: your pain is valid, and you don’t have to carry it alone. ## The Hidden Face of Male Grief Men often grieve differently than women—not because they care less, but because they’ve been socialized to express emotion in limited ways. Instead of crying or sharing openly, many men channel their grief into work, physical activity, or even caretaking. Some become hyper-independent, avoiding vulnerability at all costs. **Related:** [7 ways counseling helps men with grief and loss](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-grief-counseling-helps-men-with-loss/) It’s not unusual for a man to tell me in therapy, “I’m fine—it’s just been hard to focus.” Beneath that statement, however, might be deep sadness, guilt, or regret. Because men are rarely given permission to talk about these feelings, grief can take the form of: - **Irritability or anger** instead of visible sadness - **Numbness or disconnection** from others - **Increased drinking, eating, or overworking** as coping mechanisms - **Physical symptoms** such as tension, fatigue, or insomnia Chicago’s fast-paced environment can make it even harder to slow down and grieve. The city’s culture often rewards productivity and emotional control—two qualities that clash with the messy, unpredictable process of mourning. ## **How Loss Shapes Identity** Loss doesn’t just take away a person or situation—it changes how we see ourselves. A man who loses a parent may suddenly feel unmoored, realizing that the generation before him is gone. Someone going through divorce or breakup may question his worth, wondering, “What did I do wrong?” Even job loss can strike at the core of identity, especially for men who equate success with self-value. **Related:** [What are the stages of grief?](https://guycounseling.com/five-stages-grief/) In Chicago, where achievement and image often go hand in hand, these experiences can quietly erode self-esteem. Many men feel ashamed for not “bouncing back” quickly enough. But grief has no timeline. Healing takes time, reflection, and the courage to sit with uncomfortable emotions. ## Cultural Pressures and “The Strong, Silent Type” Cultural norms still tell men that strength means stoicism. From an early age, boys hear messages like “don’t cry,” “man up,” or “be tough.” These beliefs may help in moments of crisis, but they can be devastating in the face of loss. When men suppress emotions, grief can turn inward, fueling anxiety, irritability, or emotional detachment. Over time, this can strain relationships and lead to feelings of isolation. At the *Couples Counseling Center* and *Calm Anxiety Clinic* in Chicago, I often work with men who say, “I don’t know how to talk about this stuff.” The truth is—they were never taught how. Therapy can be the place to start learning. ## **How Therapy Helps Men Navigate Grief and Loss** Therapy offers a confidential, supportive space where men can process grief without judgment. It’s not about forcing tears or revisiting every painful memory—it’s about learning how to live with loss in a way that honors both the person you lost and the life you’re still living. In *men’s grief counseling* at our Chicago practice, we help clients: - Understand how cultural conditioning affects the way they express emotions - Identify the secondary losses (identity, security, purpose) that often accompany grief - Develop healthy coping skills to manage anger, sadness, and guilt - Rebuild connections with others and find meaning after loss - Recognize that vulnerability is not weakness—it’s an act of courage Therapy doesn’t take away grief, but it helps men navigate it more honestly. ## Practical Ways to Cope with Grief as a Man You don’t have to face loss alone. While everyone grieves differently, here are a few ways men can begin to move through emotional pain in healthy ways: **1. Give yourself permission to feel** Emotions like sadness, guilt, or anger are not signs of weakness. They’re natural reactions to loss. Let yourself experience them without judgment. **2. Find your way to express** Not all men process grief through talking. Some find healing through writing, physical activity, music, or art. The goal is to give emotion a healthy outlet rather than bottling it up. **3. Connect with others** Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing your story doesn’t make the pain worse—it helps your brain and heart begin to make sense of it. **4. Create rituals of remembrance** Visit a favorite place, light a candle, or carry on a tradition that honors who or what you’ve lost. Rituals give structure to grief and help it feel less overwhelming. **5. Be patient with yourself** Healing is not linear. Some days you’ll feel strong; others you may feel stuck. Both are normal. Allow yourself to move through grief at your own pace. ## You’re Not Alone: Support for Men’s Grief in Chicago If you’re grieving in silence, it’s okay to reach out. Many men wait months or even years before seeking help, often because they think therapy means weakness. In reality, asking for help is one of the bravest choices you can make. At our *Chicago men’s counseling center*, we work with men facing all forms of loss—death, divorce, identity changes, and more. Together, we unpack the emotional weight you’ve been carrying, helping you find your footing again. Grief may always be a part of your story, but it doesn’t have to define it. With time, compassion, and the right support, you can rediscover strength—not the stoic kind, but the quiet strength that comes from honesty, connection, and healing. ## Looking for Men’s Grief Counseling in Chicago? My therapy practice offers compassionate, confidential counseling to help men navigate loss and rebuild emotional resilience. Reach out today to schedule a consultation and begin the process of healing on your own terms. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Grief, Loss, Sadness --- ### [Men and Body Image: Overcoming Societal Pressures](https://guycounseling.com/men-body-image-pressures/) **Published:** August 3, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men body image issues](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/men-body-image-issues.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men and Body Image: A Closer Look When we talk about body image issues, we often hear about how women are affected—**but men struggle too**, often silently. In recent years, more men are opening up about their experiences with self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and disordered eating. Still, for many men in Chicago and beyond, these struggles remain hidden beneath layers of societal expectation and cultural silence. [As a men’s therapist in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/), I work with guys from all walks of life—corporate professionals, tradesmen, dads, athletes, students—and body image comes up more often than you’d think. Whether it’s pressure to be muscular, lean, or look a certain way in gym culture or on dating apps, the impact on a man’s mental health can be significant. In this post, we’ll explore why body image matters for men, how societal pressures contribute to the problem, and what steps you can take to start healing. If you’re looking for *male body image counseling in Chicago*, know that you’re not alone—and there is help. ### The Silent Struggle: Why Body Image Affects Men, Too Men are often taught that their worth is tied to performance—strength, productivity, stoicism—not appearance. And yet, cultural images of the “ideal man” are everywhere: chiseled abs, broad shoulders, low body fat, perfect jawlines. From superhero movies to Instagram influencers, this standard can create impossible expectations. Even though men may not talk about it openly, research shows that *up to 40% of men* are dissatisfied with their bodies. For some, this leads to excessive workouts, restrictive dieting, or even steroid use. For others, it shows up as anxiety, depression, or social withdrawal—especially in places like gyms, locker rooms, or while dating. What makes this more challenging is that many men feel they don’t have “permission” to struggle with these feelings. It’s not uncommon for a guy to tell me in session, “I feel like I shouldn’t care this much about how I look.” But the truth is, body image is a human issue—not just a women’s issue. ### Chicago’s Influence: Urban Pressure and the Comparison Trap Living in a major city like Chicago brings unique pressures. Whether you’re walking through River North, working in the Loop, or jogging along Lake Michigan, the pressure to “look the part” can be real. Chicago’s fitness culture—while often positive—can also reinforce harmful comparisons. For many men, the competitive job market adds another layer. Looking fit and confident is sometimes perceived as a professional advantage. Social media only amplifies this: endless feeds of shirtless selfies, filtered photos, and “before-and-after” transformations can lead to unhealthy self-comparisons. At the Guy Counseling in Chicago, we often hear men say they feel “less than” because they don’t look a certain way. This comparison trap can chip away at self-esteem and reinforce the belief that they’re not good enough—physically or otherwise. ### Societal Messages That Hurt Men Let’s break down a few common cultural messages that contribute to body image struggles for men: “Real men are jacked.” The muscular ideal promoted in fitness magazines and action movies often becomes a benchmark. Men who don’t naturally build muscle may feel insecure or pressured to overtrain. “Men shouldn’t care how they look.” This message shames men for caring about appearance and creates silence around their struggles. “Dad bod is okay—but only if you’re successful.” Even body-positive messages for men are often conditional. The idea that you can have a “dad bod” but only if you’re funny, wealthy, or powerful still reinforces worth tied to external validation. These mixed messages create confusion—and emotional isolation. ### How Therapy Can Help: Body Image Counseling for Men in Chicago One of the most powerful things a man can do is explore his relationship with his body in a safe, nonjudgmental space. Therapy offers exactly that. At our Chicago counseling practice, we help men: - Identify the origins of their body image beliefs - Untangle body shame from self-worth - Challenge the internalized “male ideal” - Learn to care for their bodies from a place of self-respect—not punishment - Address anxiety or depressive symptoms tied to appearance or self-esteem Whether through individual sessions or men’s therapy groups, talking about body image isn’t weak—it’s courageous. ### Practical Tips to Improve Body Image as a Man If you’re not quite ready to jump into therapy, here are some steps you can take today: **1. Surround yourself with positive influences** Follow social media accounts that promote body neutrality or diversity—not unrealistic standards. **2. Reframe your internal dialogue** Notice when you criticize your body. Try replacing those thoughts with kinder, more realistic affirmations. **3. Stop body-checking** Avoid obsessively checking mirrors or comparing yourself to others at the gym. Focus on what your body *can do*, not just how it looks. **4. Engage in movement you enjoy** Instead of punishing workouts, choose physical activities that feel good. Whether it’s hiking at the Morton Arboretum, cycling by the lake, or just walking through your Chicago neighborhood, movement can be a form of self-care. **5. Talk about it** Confide in a trusted friend, partner, or therapist. Speaking your experience out loud can reduce shame and increase clarity. ### You’re Not Alone: Reach Out for Support in Chicago Body image issues don’t make you weak or vain—they make you human. If you’ve been struggling with how you see yourself and how it affects your confidence, relationships, or mood, therapy can help you shift that inner narrative. At Guy Counseling Chicago, we specialize in helping men overcome body shame, anxiety, and the weight of expectations. Whether you’re dealing with low self-esteem, disordered eating, or just tired of fighting your reflection, we’re here to support you. You don’t have to keep this to yourself. And you don’t have to “fix” your body to feel better about who you are. **Looking for Male Body Image Counseling in Chicago?** We offer confidential, compassionate therapy for men struggling with self-image. Reach out today for a free consultation and start your path toward self-acceptance. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Anxiety, BDD, Body Image --- ### [Can Physical Activity and Exercise Help My Depression?](https://guycounseling.com/physical-activity-depression/) **Published:** July 2, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man physical activity depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/man-exercise-physical-activity.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Physical Activity and Depression As a [men’s therapist here in Chicago](http://guycounseling.com), I often sit across from men who are juggling a lot—work stress, relationship challenges, family responsibilities, financial pressure, and personal doubts they rarely talk about. The common thread? They’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or simply disconnected from themselves. One of the first things I ask is this: *“How’s your body doing?”* It might sound like an odd question in a therapy session, but it opens a powerful door. There’s a deep connection between our minds and our bodies, and exercise—yes, even a short walk or lifting weights for 20 minutes—can be a game-changer for your mental health. Let’s break down why. The Body Keeps the Score—Literally You’ve probably heard phrases like “carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders” or “feeling like you’ve been punched in the gut.” These aren’t just metaphors. When stress builds up, it shows up physically—tight shoulders, headaches, digestive issues, low energy, and disrupted sleep. Over time, chronic stress can even weaken your immune system and increase the risk for heart disease. But here’s the good news: exercise helps release that stored tension, according to [clinical research](https://openurl.ebsco.com/EPDB%3Agcd%3A2%3A26681538/detailv2?sid=ebsco%3Aplink%3Ascholar&id=ebsco%3Agcd%3A175371009&crl=c&link_origin=scholar.google.com). It’s one of the most natural and accessible ways to reset your nervous system and start feeling like yourself again. ## Mood Boost Without a Prescription When you work out—whether it’s hitting the gym, running on the lakefront, biking through Lincoln Park, or even chopping wood in your backyard—your brain releases chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin. These are the “feel-good” neurotransmitters that help reduce anxiety, lift your mood, and bring a sense of calm and focus. **Related:** [What is male depression about?](https://guycounseling.com/male-depression/) For men struggling with depression or burnout, this chemical shift can be a lifeline. You don’t have to become a triathlete. Just 20 to 30 minutes of moderate activity a few times a week can make a noticeable difference. And here in Chicago, where winters can feel long and gray, regular movement can be especially helpful in fighting off seasonal depression. ## Exercise as a Grounding Ritual Let’s be real—men often deal with emotions by avoiding them. Numbing out with screens, drinking more than we’d like, or distracting ourselves with work. The idea of “feeling your feelings” can sound uncomfortable or even weak. But exercise gives you another route in. It’s a physical act that helps anchor you in the present moment. Lifting weights? You’re focused on form, reps, and breath. Going for a jog? You’re noticing your stride, your heartbeat, the sidewalk under your feet. These moments of grounding bring you out of your racing thoughts and back into your body—where you can actually *feel* and process what’s going on. ## Building Confidence from the Inside Out Many men I work with struggle silently with self-doubt. Whether it’s feeling inadequate at work, disconnected in their relationship, or just not where they thought they’d be in life—those thoughts can spiral. Exercise helps shift that narrative. When you commit to moving your body, even in small ways, you start proving to yourself that you can show up. You finish a workout, and you feel stronger—not just physically, but emotionally. That sense of accomplishment, however small, builds self-respect. You’re no longer just reacting to life—you’re actively participating in it. ## A New Way to Relate to Anger and Anxiety Men are often taught that anger is the only “acceptable” emotion, or they suppress everything until it erupts. Anxiety, too, can get bottled up and turned inward or projected outward. Exercise offers a healthy outlet for both. Instead of lashing out, you can move the energy through your body. **Related:** [10 super smart ways to cope with anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/) Boxing, sprinting, lifting—these aren’t just workouts; they’re forms of emotional release. And after a tough session, many men report that their anger feels less explosive, their anxiety more manageable. ## Getting Started Without Overthinking It You don’t need a personal trainer or a perfect plan to start. Try this: commit to moving your body for just 15-20 minutes, three times a week. That’s it. Walk around your neighborhood, take the stairs at work, do bodyweight exercises in your living room, or join a local gym or class. If you live near the lake, take advantage of the trails and fresh air. If winter’s here, there are great indoor spaces around Chicago—from climbing gyms to pickup basketball courts. Start small. Stay consistent. Let your body lead the way. ## Therapy and Exercise: A Powerful Combination While exercise has many benefits, it’s not a cure-all. If you’re feeling stuck, talking to a therapist can help you unpack what’s going on underneath the surface. In my work with men, I often help clients pair movement with emotional awareness. Together, we look at how your physical habits can support your emotional goals—and vice versa. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Final Thoughts: Your Body Is Not the Enemy Too many men are taught to disconnect from their bodies, to “tough it out” or ignore the signals. But your body holds wisdom. When you move it with intention, you’re not just working out—you’re tuning in. You’re telling yourself: *I matter. My health matters. My well-being matters.* And that message? It’s worth repeating every day. ## **Looking for Support in Chicago?** If you’re ready to reconnect with your body, manage stress, or explore therapy in a non-judgmental space, I’d be honored to help. As a men’s therapist based in Chicago, I offer individual sessions that blend practical tools with real talk. Feel free to contact me to set up a consultation or explore more of my therapy services for men in Chicago. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression --- ### [What Is Blue Collar Guilt?](https://guycounseling.com/what-is-blue-collar-guilt/) **Published:** May 25, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![blue collar guilt ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/blue-collar-worker-man-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Blue Collar Guilt: A Closer Look “I work with my hands. I make a good living. But when I’m around college grads or professionals, I still feel like I don’t measure up.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Every week in therapy, I sit with Chicago men who’ve built careers in the trades—electricians, HVAC techs, mechanics, construction workers, truck drivers, union laborers—guys who’ve put in the work, paid their dues, and still feel like they’re losing in some invisible game. They talk about a feeling that doesn’t have a name—until now. Blue-collar guilt. It’s the quiet, often unspoken belief that your career path is somehow “less than” because it doesn’t come with a fancy title, a business card, or a polished LinkedIn profile. It’s an emotional burden that many men carry, especially in large cities like Chicago, where prestige and career image often take center stage. For some men it can be a [source of anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/man-anxiety-depression/). For others, it can exacerbate depression. ## Where Does Blue-Collar Guilt Come From? Today’s job market and social landscape reward visibility. People post job promotions, degrees, and certifications online—and get showered with likes. There’s a cultural script that says: - Success looks like a corner office, not a job site. - Respect comes with credentials, not calloused hands. - Your work only matters if it’s posted online. But here’s the truth: this narrative is incomplete and damaging—especially to men in skilled, essential professions who often feel unseen and undervalued. In therapy, men share things like: - “My job is physically exhausting, but no one seems to think it matters.” - “When my friends talk about careers, I stay quiet. I feel like I have nothing to add.” - “I make a solid living, but I still feel like I failed for not going to college.” This guilt isn’t rooted in failure. It’s rooted in comparison and social messaging—and it can take a real toll on mental health. ## The Chicago Experience: Class, Identity, and Invisible Divides Chicago is a working-class city at its core. But it’s also a city of stark contrasts—between the Loop’s finance towers and the South Side’s labor roots, between Wicker Park’s creative class and the tradesmen commuting from the Southwest suburbs. Many blue-collar men grew up hearing: “Work hard, provide, and you’ll be respected.” But in today’s economy, respect often goes to those who present well on screens—not those who sweat through their shirts on job sites. That can create a painful split in identity. You might feel proud of your work, but ashamed to talk about it in certain spaces. You might admire what you’ve built, but still feel like you’re “behind.” This internal conflict is exhausting—and therapy is one of the few spaces where men are allowed to unpack it without judgment. ## Burnout Doesn’t Look the Same for Blue-Collar Men Working long hours, managing physical pain, and juggling financial pressure—all while pretending you’re fine—leads to a kind of quiet burnout that doesn’t always look like “depression” in the textbook sense. Instead, it might look like: - Anger and irritability - Feeling emotionally flat or disconnected - Drinking more than usual to wind down - Avoiding friends or family - Waking up already tired You’re not weak or broken. You’re exhausted—and therapy can help you understand why. ## Therapy Isn’t Just for White-Collar Problems Let’s set the record straight: therapy isn’t just for tech bros, executives, or college grads talking about “imposter syndrome.” It’s for anyone who wants to feel more grounded, connected, and emotionally strong. If you’re a tradesman, laborer, or blue-collar worker in Chicago, therapy offers you: - A space where you don’t have to impress anyone - A chance to speak freely without being judged or talked down to - Tools to handle stress, burnout, and relationship tension more effectively - Permission to explore what *you* want—beyond what society expects You don’t have to put on a front. You don’t have to explain yourself. You just have to show up. ## Reclaiming Pride in Work That Matters Here’s the truth that doesn’t get said enough: your work matters. The buildings we live in, the systems that keep us warm, the roads we drive on, the power that keeps the lights on—none of it exists without men like you. You don’t need a LinkedIn headline to prove your worth. You already prove it—every single day—through hard work, loyalty, and resilience. But if you’re carrying unspoken guilt or feeling like you’re stuck, therapy can help you: - Unpack the messages you’ve internalized about success and self-worth - Learn how to communicate more effectively with your partner or kids - Manage the emotional toll of long hours and high stress - Reconnect with your goals, values, and pride ## Let’s Talk About It—Man to Man You don’t need to have the perfect words. You don’t have to be in crisis. If you’re a man in Chicago feeling emotionally off, disconnected, or invisible—you deserve support. Men’s therapy isn’t about turning you into someone you’re not. It’s about helping you reconnect with the man you already are. Whether you’re working on a roof in Bridgeport, running electrical in Logan Square, or laying concrete in the suburbs, there’s room for your story here. ## Ready to Talk? If you’re looking for men’s therapy in Chicago—especially as someone in the trades or working-class professions—I offer therapy that meets you where you are. No pressure. No psychobabble. Just real conversations with someone who gets it. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Blue Collar, Guilt, Shame --- ### [7 Ways Grief Counseling Helps Men with Loss](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-grief-counseling-helps-men-with-loss/) **Published:** April 20, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mens grief counseling chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/grief-counseling-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Grief Counseling and Men ### **Why It’s Okay to Talk About It – Especially with a Therapist Who Gets It** Grief doesn’t come with a rulebook. There’s no right way to mourn the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a dream. But one thing is clear: most men are taught from an early age to keep it all inside. Here in Chicago—and honestly, everywhere—there’s still this “[bro culture](https://www.nomos-elibrary.de/de/10.5771/9781538132692/testing-tolerance#page=102)” that tells guys to man up, stay strong, and never show weakness. If you’ve ever been told “don’t cry,” “shake it off,” or “just get over it,” you’ve felt that pressure firsthand. But here’s the truth: bottling up grief doesn’t make it go away. It just pushes it down, and eventually, it leaks out in ways that can be confusing—like anger, irritability, feeling numb, or checking out of relationships. **Related:** [Counseling for men holds benefits](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-men-for-better-living/) That’s where **grief counseling can help**, especially when it’s with someone who understands what it’s like to be a man navigating loss. Let’s explore seven ways grief counseling helps men move through their pain and find a way forward. ### 1. It Creates a Safe Space to Be Honest Without Judgment One of the biggest obstacles for men in grief is simply having a space where they’re allowed to feel. In everyday life—at work, in friendships, even in families—there’s often an unspoken rule to keep it together. Grief counseling creates a private, judgment-free zone where you can finally let the mask drop. You don’t have to “perform” strength or pretend you’re okay. You can be honest, even if what you’re feeling doesn’t make sense yet. ### 2. It Helps You Make Sense of What You’re Feeling Grief can show up in unexpected ways. You might feel anger instead of sadness. You might feel numb instead of emotional. You might have trouble sleeping, eating, or focusing. A good grief therapist helps you understand how loss affects you personally—physically, emotionally, and mentally. For men, that understanding is powerful. It’s not about getting in touch with your “softer side”—it’s about making sense of the storm going on inside you. ### 3. It Fights Back Against Bro Culture and Emotional Isolation Let’s talk about bro culture for a second. In a lot of male circles, it’s cool to joke around and stay surface-level. But when it comes to deeper emotional stuff, many men go silent. The problem? Loss doesn’t care if you’ve been trained to “tough it out.” It still hits hard. Grief counseling is a quiet rebellion against that emotional isolation. It says, “You don’t have to do this alone. You’re not weak for hurting. You’re human.” And when you work with a therapist who gets the pressure guys face—from locker room talk to stoic dads to the fear of being seen as “too emotional”—it makes all the difference. ### 4. It Gives You Tools for Coping Without Self-Destructing Some men cope by shutting down, drinking more, overworking, or withdrawing from loved ones. These habits might seem like they’re helping, but they often dig the pain in deeper. Grief counseling offers healthier tools for coping—strategies you can actually use in daily life. That might include ways to manage anger, journal prompts, rituals for remembering the person you lost, or exercises that help process regret or guilt. The goal isn’t to “fix” you. It’s to give you options for navigating your grief in ways that don’t harm you or the people you care about. ### 5. It Helps You Stay Connected to the Person You Lost Men are often taught to move on quickly. But grief doesn’t work that way. You don’t have to forget someone to heal. In fact, staying connected to them in healthy ways can be deeply healing. A therapist can help you create a personal way of honoring that person—through stories, rituals, or even future goals inspired by them. It’s not about living in the past. It’s about weaving the memory of your person into your life going forward. ### 6. It Strengthens Your Relationships When men don’t talk about their grief, it often creates distance in relationships. Your partner might not know how to support you. Your kids might pick up on your stress. Friendships can fade when you’re not sure how to talk about what you’re going through. Grief counseling helps you learn how to share more of what’s really going on—without feeling exposed or ashamed. It teaches communication skills that help you reconnect with others, even during the hardest moments. ### 7. It Reminds You That You’re Not Alone—Especially in Chicago Loss can be incredibly lonely. And when you’re a guy, it can feel like you’re the only one carrying the weight. But you’re not. Every day in Chicago, men are [going through breakups,](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) losing parents, grieving miscarriages, facing job losses, and wondering what’s next. At my therapy practice in Chicago, I work with men who never thought they’d go to therapy—until grief knocked the wind out of them. What they find isn’t weakness. It’s relief. And over time, it’s growth. **Related:** [Life transitions therapy for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-transition-counseling-services/) Whether you live in Wicker Park, the South Loop, Lincoln Park, or the suburbs, you deserve support that gets what you’re going through. ### Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Do It Alone Grief can feel like quicksand. But you don’t have to get stuck. Working with a male therapist who understands how men grieve—someone who knows the unspoken rules, the emotional shutdowns, and the pressure to keep going—can make a world of difference. If you’re a guy in Chicago dealing with loss and wondering if therapy is right for you, consider this your sign: it’s okay to talk about it. You don’t have to carry it all yourself. ### Looking for Grief Counseling for Men in Chicago? At the **Guy Counseling**, we help men move through grief with clarity, strength, and support. Whether you’re navigating the loss of a loved one, a major life change, or just feeling stuck in sorrow, we’re here for you. Located in the heart of **Chicago**, we offer both in-person and online grief counseling tailored to men’s unique needs. **Ready to talk?** [Contact us today for a consultation](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). **Categories:** Field Notes --- ### [7 Ways Young Men Routinely Keep Themselves Broke](https://guycounseling.com/young-men-broke/) **Published:** March 23, 2025 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![young men broke](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/broke-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do You Keep Yourself Broke? As a **therapist who works with men**, I see a lot of smart, capable young guys [struggling financially](https://guycounseling.com/7-tips-for-reclaiming-your-finances/). They work hard, but somehow, they always seem to be just scraping by. The truth is, money problems aren’t always about income—sometimes, it’s about habits and mindset. If you’re tired of feeling broke, let’s talk about seven common ways young men keep themselves stuck in the [paycheck-to-paycheck cycle](https://digitalcommons.ursinus.edu/ethics_essay/23/). ## 1. Living for the Weekend A lot of young guys grind all week only to blow their entire paycheck over the weekend. Fancy dinners, bar tabs, club covers, Ubers, and spontaneous online shopping add up fast. I get it—after a stressful week, it’s tempting to go all out. But if your weekend lifestyle is costing you hundreds of dollars every month, that’s money you’re throwing away instead of building toward your future. **Fix It: Set a fun budget and stick to it. Find cheaper ways to enjoy your weekends—house parties, game nights, or hitting up happy hour instead of prime-time drinks.** ## 2. Financing a Lifestyle They Can’t Afford A brand-new car with a massive monthly payment. A luxury apartment with an unnecessary view. Expensive clothes bought on credit. Too many young men prioritize looking rich over actually becoming rich. And let’s be real—no one cares about your car payment but you. **Fix It: Live within your means. Buy a reliable used car, get a roommate, and stop financing stuff that doesn’t actually build wealth.** ## 3. Avoiding Basic Financial Education Too many guys assume personal finance is too complicated or boring, so they never learn how to budget, invest, or build credit. Then, they get hit with overdraft fees, credit card debt, and missed investment opportunities. **Fix It: Read a basic personal finance book or follow a financial expert on YouTube. Apps like Mint or YNAB can help you track spending and make smarter choices.** ## 4. Relying on Credit Cards Like Free Money Credit cards can be a great tool—if you use them responsibly. But if you’re constantly carrying a balance and only making minimum payments, you’re bleeding money on interest. Before you know it, you owe thousands and have nothing to show for it. Over time, this can not only hurt your financial outlook, it can also contribute to [anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/man-anxiety-depression/). **Fix It: Use credit cards for convenience, not survival. Pay them off in full every month. If you can’t afford something without a credit card, you probably shouldn’t buy it.** ## 5. Not Having a Plan for Their Money Money without a plan disappears fast. A lot of young men don’t track their spending, don’t budget, and don’t save—so they have no idea where their money is actually going. **Fix It: Set financial goals. Decide how much you want to save, invest, or put toward debt each month. Create a simple budget so your money goes where you want it to, not just wherever it happens to end up.** ## 6. Ignoring Side Hustles and Extra Income Streams Most guys rely on just one paycheck. If that income isn’t enough, they complain instead of finding ways to make more. The reality is, there are tons of ways to earn extra money—freelancing, selling stuff online, driving for Uber, or picking up a part-time gig. **Fix It: If you’re tight on cash, find a side hustle. A few extra hours a week could be the difference between struggling and finally getting ahead.** ## 7. Thinking “I’ll Save Later” One of the biggest financial traps is assuming you’ll start saving “when you make more money.” The problem? Lifestyle inflation kicks in—you start making more, but you also start spending more. If you don’t build the habit of saving now, you won’t do it later. **Fix It: Start small, but start now. Even if it’s just $10 a week, build the habit of saving. Set up automatic transfers so your savings grow without you even thinking about it.** ## Summary: Change Your Habits, Change Your Financial Future If you’re constantly broke, it’s not just bad luck—it’s likely your financial habits keeping you stuck. The good news? You can change them. Start making smarter money decisions now, and you’ll set yourself up for financial freedom down the road. Remember: - Be mindful of your weekend spending. - Live within your means. - Educate yourself about money. - Avoid credit card debt. - Make a plan for your finances. - Find ways to earn extra income. - Start saving now, even if it’s small. Fix these seven habits, and you’ll be in a much better place financially than most of your peers. The sooner you start, the sooner you stop being broke—and start building the life you actually want. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** broke, Finances, Money --- ### [Do You Have a Superman Complex?](https://guycounseling.com/superman-complex/) **Published:** January 26, 2025 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![superman complex](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/superman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Superman Complex Explored If you always put others first, then you’re bound to have times in life when people let you down. Are you constantly getting hurt because you’re the savior type? Are you the type of guy who lives to help others, but you find that your efforts are never appreciated? Have you ever thought to yourself, “Life’s all about helping other people, but some people don’t deserve to be helped.” Or “No matter what I do, people just don’t appreciate me.” If so, you may have the **superman complex**, otherwise known as the savior archetype. On this page, you will see the terms used interchangeably. Your natural inclination to help others can backfire and leave you feeling vulnerable and traumatized. Even though you’ve dedicated your life to being a problem solver, sometimes your own problems are the hardest ones to fix. ## What is the Superman Complex? In the simplest of terms, someone who resonates with the savior archetype has an instinctual need to rescue or save others. This might manifest as a need to “fix” people’s problems or the urge to get involved with problematic situations in other people’s lives. You have a self-sacrificing nature, and you might never get the credit or acknowledgement that you feel you deserve. The savior archetype can be a healthy character trait if it’s presented with the right balance. It means you’re willing to tackle difficult challenges and you can be depended on to help out when there’s a crisis. You might be an ideal fit for a career in the military, law enforcement, or similar roles. **Related:** [What’s your love style?](https://guycounseling.com/7-love-styles-explained/) The superman complex from deep core beliefs about yourself, others, and the world around you. When you were a child, you might’ve had to take on too much responsibility. You might’ve experienced neglect as a child and felt that the only way to have love is by earning it through deeds. You might believe that your happiness is conditional on how much you can do for others. The savior archetype is also heavily influenced by the iconic savior image of Jesus Christ. His character comes down through history as spotless and pure. His whole mission is to save the world at the cost of his own life. This religious savior is the product of a miracle from birth and has a regal lineage. Living up to the ideal of the religious savior is meant to be impossible. Otherwise, the religious savior wouldn’t be the ideal figure above all others. Yet, when someone who identifies with the savior archetype tries to embody those ideals in their real life, they’re bound to have problems. ## ![the superman complex](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Problems that Arise The superman complex is built around the concept of self-sacrifice. The savior type often puts their own wellness needs on the backburner. If you’re the savior type, then you’ve probably been victimized by the very same people you’ve tried to help. The savior archetype can also become over-controlling of people close to them and actually drive everyone away. It’s not that you’re trying to dominate others. It’s just that you feel an almost overwhelming need to fix their issues. You might also feel that you’re the only one who can do it. This might come as a revelation, but some people just don’t want to be fixed. So, how do you know if you’re the savior archetype? Well, it’s pretty easy to spot. Here are some quick indicators that you have the savior archetype. - You’re attracted to broken or needy partners. - You think you were called to help others by other-worldly forces. - You place everyone else’s needs ahead of yours. - You feel like a failure if you can’t fix other people’s problems. - You get offended if other people don’t appreciate your efforts to rescue them. - You expect to be rewarded for fixing problems and rescuing others. As you can see from these characteristics of the savior archetype, this type of person means well but can easily be misunderstood. People might think that the savior type is intrusive and needy themselves. Also, the savior type doesn’t focus on his own problems enough. Instead, he’s trying to put out everyone else’s fires. ## How Does “Superman” Save himself?? The savior archetype can accomplish so much good in this world, but he’s bound to experience tremendous heartache and disappointment from others. It’s basically hardwired into the whole framework of this archetype. Yet, nobody tells you how to cope with that barrage of negativity that comes with it. If you identify with the savior archetype and you’ve been left broken or isolated as a result, then you should try to work on healing yourself. This might mean that you’re up for some serious reflection into what motivates you to be a savior type in the first place. Are you reacting to others’ problems because nobody stepped in to help you when you were in need? Are you trying to be a religious savior? If so, do you really think it’s possible to live up to that miraculous ideal? After taking a hard look in the mirror, you should look at the way you interact with other people. You need to see others and their motivations with clear eyes. Know that you can be compassionate without leaping to everyone’s need. You can also be sympathetic without automatically offering solutions. Acknowledge that some people are a one-way street and they’ll never reciprocate the care that you’ve shown them. **Related:** [Do Scorpio men love differently?](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) Being a savior type is difficult. You have a need to help others that can’t be ignored. You can lean forward into that role, but you need to also include yourself in that category. Your physical and emotional needs shouldn’t be neglected or placed last on this list of priorities. You don’t need to “earn” good things for yourself. It’s perfectly alright to exercise your savior skills on yourself first and foremost. ## Transformation and Change There is one characteristic of the superman complex is that most people ignore and that’s the savior’s ability to transform himself and transcend the mortal realm. So, if you’re struggling with the savior archetype it can be helpful to consider that popular models of the savior archetype embraced fundamental change. Jesus, Krishna, and Buddha all experienced a metamorphosis or rebirth. Likewise, if you’re going to save yourself from the shadowy aspects of the savior archetype, then you should explore ways to transcend your current situation. Like the phoenix, you can rise from the ashes if you’ve been hurt as the savior type. Create better boundaries with people and find ways to help them that doesn’t override their will. You can make deeper connections with people if you base those relationships on mutual respect and commitment. Recognize that you might be a savior, but you might not be everybody’s savior. Your skills and talents for helping others might not always be the ideal fit for every situation and that’s perfectly fine. ## Summing it Up If you’re looking for more clarity into the savior archetype, then check out this book from Lucy Hughes-Hallett. It’s called “Heroes, Saviors, Traitors, and Supermen” ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/430zLy4)). It examines historically eminent characters who identified with one or more of these archetypes. You might find yourself in these pages. Also, you should embrace all aspects of your personality. Just because you identify with the savior archetype doesn’t mean that you have to always put the needs of others before your own. Do some journaling and write down your core beliefs and principles. Get in tuned with what makes you unique and be willing to embrace aspects of your personality that fall outside the boundaries of the so-called savior type. You shouldn’t change your love for helping others. Just be sure that you are always acting from a place of love and avoid the urge to take control of every situation. Sometimes, people learn more from their failures. No matter how difficult it might be, there are instances when you need to let others work out their own problems in their own way. Taking a step back and prioritizing yourself might be the key to saving the savior. **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Archetype, Jung, Personality, Superman Complex --- ### [Why There Is a Loneliness Crisis for Men](https://guycounseling.com/loneliness-crisis-for-men/) **Published:** November 24, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![lonliness crisis men ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/lonliness-crisis-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Loneliness Crisis for Men In recent years, America has been facing a loneliness crisis, and men are at the center of it. More men are reporting feelings of isolation, disconnection, and a lack of close friendships. In short, [these men are depressed](https://guycounseling.com/male-depression/). As a men’s therapist in Chicago, I see this pattern in my practice every day. Men who outwardly seem to have it all—a steady job, a family, a social circle—often reveal they feel deeply alone. Loneliness doesn’t just mean being physically alone; it’s the sense that no one truly knows or understands you. So why are so many men in America lonely? Let’s explore this growing issue, what’s driving it, and how we can begin to address it. ## What Is the Loneliness Crisis for Men? The loneliness crisis isn’t just about fleeting moments of sadness. It’s a pervasive, chronic feeling of disconnection that can impact mental and physical health. Research has shown that loneliness is as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke, and even early death. Men, in particular, are more vulnerable to chronic loneliness. A 2021 study from the Survey Center on American Life revealed that the number of men with close friends has plummeted in the last few decades. In 1990, 55% of men said they had at least six close friends. By 2021, that number had dropped to just 27%. Even more concerning, 15% of men said they had no close friends at all. ## 7 Reasons Men Are Struggling With Loneliness 1. **Cultural Expectations of Masculinity** From a young age, boys are taught to “man up,” suppress emotions, and avoid vulnerability. These messages discourage men from forming deep, meaningful connections, as they may fear being judged as weak or unmanly. 2. **Social Isolation in Adulthood** Many men rely on their work or romantic relationships for social connection. However, as life gets busier with careers, families, or other responsibilities, friendships often take a backseat. 3. **The Decline of Shared Spaces** Decades ago, men often found community through churches, bowling leagues, or neighborhood groups. Today, these spaces are dwindling, and virtual interactions often don’t provide the same level of connection. 4. **Fear of Rejection** Many men worry about reaching out for friendship or emotional support because they fear rejection or judgment. This fear often keeps them isolated, even when they crave connection. 5. **Technology and Superficial Connections** While social media and texting make it easier to stay in touch, they often create shallow interactions. A “like” or comment isn’t the same as a deep, face-to-face conversation, leaving many men feeling unseen and unheard. 6. **Life Transitions** Major life changes—such as moving to a new city, becoming a father, or going through a divorce—can disrupt existing relationships and make it harder to form new ones. 7. **Stigma Around Therapy and Emotional Support** Many men still view therapy or seeking emotional help as taboo. Without these resources, they often have nowhere to process their feelings or build healthier relationships. ## How Men Can Cope With Loneliness The good news is that loneliness isn’t a life sentence. There are actionable steps men can take to combat isolation and build meaningful connections. 1. **Prioritize Friendships** Make time for friends, even if life feels busy. Reach out to old friends or coworkers, and don’t hesitate to schedule a lunch, coffee, or even a quick phone call. 2. **Join a Group or Community** Whether it’s a fitness class, a book club, or a volunteer organization, shared activities can help forge bonds naturally. 3. **Be Vulnerable** It might feel uncomfortable, but opening up about your feelings can deepen relationships. Start small—share something personal with a trusted friend or family member. 4. **Set Small Goals** If the idea of building connections feels overwhelming, start with small, manageable steps. For example, make it a goal to initiate one meaningful conversation per week. 5. **Limit Social Media Use** Social media can create an illusion of connection while deepening loneliness. Spend less time scrolling and more time focusing on in-person or meaningful interactions. ## The Role of Therapy Therapy can be a powerful tool for navigating loneliness. As a men’s therapist, I often work with clients to identify the root causes of their isolation and develop strategies for rebuilding their social lives. Therapy provides a safe, judgment-free space to explore feelings of disconnection and learn skills like communication, emotional expression, and self-compassion. Many men I work with are initially hesitant to seek therapy, fearing it’s a sign of failure or weakness. But in reality, reaching out for help is a brave and proactive step. Therapy isn’t just for fixing problems; it’s also about creating a more fulfilling, connected life. ## A Way Forward The loneliness crisis for men in America is real, but it’s not insurmountable. By understanding the forces at play and taking intentional steps toward connection, men can combat feelings of isolation and build meaningful, lasting relationships. If you’re struggling with loneliness, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Whether it’s reaching out to a friend, joining a new community, or seeking therapy, every small step counts. As a men’s therapist in Chicago, I’ve seen how transformative these steps can be. You deserve connection, support, and a life that feels truly fulfilling. Don’t hesitate to take that first step—you’re worth it. **Categories:** Field Notes --- ### [7 Common Reasons for ED in Men](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-ed-men/) **Published:** November 3, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![ED men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/ED-man-.png?resize=673%2C377&ssl=1) ## ED in Men: A Closer Look Erectile dysfunction (ED) can feel isolating, frustrating, and confusing for men of all ages. The truth is, [ED is a lot more common than people think](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-common-is-ed), and it can stem from several different causes—both physical and emotional. In my practice as a men’s therapist specializing in relationships and anxiety, I see many men grappling with ED who often feel alone or embarrassed about it. But addressing ED doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Therapy, combined with other lifestyle changes or medical interventions, can make a meaningful difference. Let’s dive into seven common reasons why ED may occur and how therapy can help. ## 1. Stress and Anxiety It’s no surprise that stress and anxiety can get in the way of intimacy. Whether it’s work stress, financial concerns, or just the daily grind, high stress levels can zap the body’s ability to perform. Anxiety, [particularly performance anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-performance-anxiety/), can turn what should be an enjoyable experience into a high-pressure test. Therapy helps by providing tools to manage anxiety and shift focus back to connection and relaxation. ## 2. Relationship Issues Relationship dynamics play a huge role in sexual health. Unresolved conflicts, lack of communication, or past hurts can lead to tension and even resentment, which often translates into the bedroom. Through couples therapy, or even individual therapy, you can work through these issues, improve communication, and rebuild trust and intimacy, making it easier to reconnect with your partner. ## 3. Depression Depression isn’t just “feeling down”—it’s a full-body experience that affects mood, energy, and physical responses, including sexual arousal and function. Often, ED is both a [symptom of depression](https://guycounseling.com/man-anxiety-depression/) and a contributor to it, leading to a frustrating cycle. Therapy can offer tools to manage depressive symptoms, helping to lift some of the emotional weight that’s affecting libido and sexual performance. ## 4. Poor Sleep Sleep may seem unrelated, but poor sleep is a major factor in overall health, including sexual health. Lack of sleep can reduce testosterone levels, increase stress, and lead to fatigue—all of which impact sexual performance. Through therapy, you can develop habits to improve sleep, as well as address any underlying anxieties or thoughts that might be disrupting your rest. ## 5. Body Image and Self-Esteem Issues Feeling self-conscious about appearance or physical ability can lead to avoidance behaviors and decreased self-confidence. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s harder to be present and enjoy the moment. Therapy can help you unpack these feelings, shift your self-perception, and start seeing yourself as worthy and desirable. Over time, this change in mindset can positively impact how you experience intimacy. ## 6. Substance Use Alcohol and other substances may seem to offer a quick way to relax, but they can actually interfere with sexual performance. Alcohol, for example, is a depressant that can make it harder to maintain an erection. Drugs and medications can also interfere with sexual function. Therapy can help you explore healthier coping mechanisms and assist in navigating the process of reducing or changing substance use patterns if that’s the goal. ## 7. Health Conditions and Medications Conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart disease can all contribute to ED. Medications for these conditions may also have side effects that affect sexual performance. In cases like these, therapy provides emotional support and strategies to cope with the psychological impact of living with a health condition. Additionally, therapy can be a safe space to work through any frustration, anger, or grief surrounding physical limitations. ## How Therapy, Combined with Other Approaches, Can Help When it comes to ED, there’s no “one-size-fits-all” solution, and that’s a good thing! Therapy can be a powerful piece of the puzzle, often working best alongside other lifestyle or medical approaches. Here’s how therapy plays a unique and supportive role in tackling ED: - **Managing Expectations and Relieving Pressure**: Therapy offers a space to talk openly about experiences and normalize the fact that ED is common and treatable. It helps release some of the pressure to “perform” and instead shifts the focus to enjoying intimacy and connection. - **Building Communication Skills**: Whether it’s individual or couples therapy, learning how to communicate openly with a partner can be a game-changer. When both partners understand and can talk about ED, it often reduces shame and opens the door to new ways of experiencing closeness. - **Working on Underlying Emotional Health**: Therapy is incredibly effective for addressing the root emotional issues that might be affecting sexual function, from anxiety and stress to self-esteem challenges. Often, addressing these issues directly helps relieve some of the blocks that contribute to ED. - **Encouraging Lifestyle Changes**: Sometimes, ED can benefit from simple lifestyle shifts. Therapy supports these changes by creating a space to talk through the challenges and obstacles to making healthier choices, whether that’s reducing alcohol, getting more sleep, or making time for stress-relieving activities. - **Connecting to Additional Support**: In some cases, therapy can help identify when medical intervention might be necessary. As a therapist, I often collaborate with doctors, nutritionists, and other professionals to create a holistic support system for my clients. If you’re struggling with ED, know that you’re not alone, and there’s help available. Therapy can be a critical part of this journey, empowering you with tools to manage the emotional and relational aspects of ED. By addressing these factors, you’re on the path to better emotional and physical health—and a more fulfilling intimate life. **Categories:** Field Notes --- ### [Can A Man Have Anxiety Depression At The Same Time?](https://guycounseling.com/man-anxiety-depression/) **Published:** October 20, 2024 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![man anxiety depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/man-smiling-depression-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Anxiety and Depression In Men: A Closer Look What happens when men suffer from both depression and anxiety at the same time? Is that even possible? Well, the answer is yes. You can have depression and anxiety and it can be exhausting. One of the worst feelings in the world is when you’re a man who’s sandwiched between depression and anxiety. Often, when we hear these terms, we think that someone is suffering from either one or the other. Either they’re depressed or they suffer from anxiety. These are separate disorders, but they can affect you together at the same time. Anxiety can be a symptom of depression. It’s also quite common to have depression that’s triggered by anxiety. ## How Does It Feel? With depression and anxiety, often it’s not the situation that directly impacts how you feel and what you do, it’s your perception of the situation. It’s what you’re thinking and sometimes what you’re thinking can become distorted. You see, everything that you feel is valid, but not everything that you think is true. Sometimes, we misinterpret information, ignore or over-generalize the issues at hand. It’s not your fault, you just think differently. **Related:** [7 Mental Toughness Skills You Can Grow](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/) When you feel depressed and anxious, you might be having distorted thoughts about yourself, the world around you, and the past, present, or future. One of the founders of cognitive behaviour therapy, Dr. Aaron Beck believed that people who suffer in this way have a lot of repressed hostility toward themselves. It’s called retroflected hostility. You can recognize this in your own life if you’re too self-critical, have negative thoughts about yourself, or even if you feel suicidal. Feeling down from time to time is normal. Even feeling anxious occasionally is normal, but when you have these symptoms for weeks and weeks, you might be suffering from depression and/or anxiety. You might have a loss of appetite, insomnia, or low energy levels. You might be thinking to yourself “just stay in the cave, hibernate and don’t come out, don’t do anything, nothing will ever work.”  That’s the anxiety side of the equation that makes you just wanna disappear or do nothing. You might get the feeling that you want to freeze time or step outside of it altogether. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CDKjqfJo1r1/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) Another symptom is unsettling dreams. Do you have dreams where you’re frightened, alone and always being victimized? Well, Dr. Beck looked at the dreams of depressed patients and found that they often experienced unpleasant events in their dreams, and upon deeper analysis and reflection found out that they had an intense need to make themselves suffer. It’s a symptom that you might be stuck between depression and anxiety. ## What’s Going Through Your Mind? There’s something called a cognitive triad that I want to share with you. The cognitive triad is a therapeutic framework for analyzing key elements of a person’s belief system. This was first formulated by Dr. Aaron Beck in his book Depression: Causes and Treatment ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/33d0B9M)) . It goes like this – a person experiences negative views about themselves. It leads to negative views about the world around them. That leads to negative views about their past, their present or their future. That process then starts all over again with greater intensity. It goes round and round, gaining strength with each turn. Positive ideas and information are blocked out of your mind and negative ideas are reinforced and amplified. You begin to contribute negative events to flaws in yourself, even when the facts might point to something else. This just serves to strengthen your negative core beliefs. Positive information doesn’t fit into your framework anymore, no matter how relevant or true. In fact, positive information gets reworked inside your mind and reshaped to look like something negative and that’s the only data that your mind accepts. ## Getting Help with Depression and Anxiety If all this sounds way too familiar, then you shouldn’t bear it alone. In fact, you’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. Men are more likely to hide their feelings and turn to drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. **Related:** [10 Ways Booze Makes Depression Worse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) You shouldn’t lose hope and you shouldn’t try to cope with failing mental health on your own. It’s not a sign of weakness to talk to a counsellor, therapist or mental health practitioner. Some treatments don’t even involve medication. In over 100 documented case studies, cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) was found to be equally as effective as medication for treating depression and anxiety. Part of what a CBT therapist or counsellor does is help you create a dialog between what you’re thinking in your head and how you feel in your heart. The goal is not to produce a good feeling or 100% happy thoughts, but to create a sense of balance that you can manage. **Related:** [5 Good Coping Skills for Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/coping-skills-anxiety/) ## Other Ways to Deal with Depression and Anxiety To battle your depression and anxiety, it might be helpful to schedule activities that you find enjoyable. Your mind might be telling you to do nothing or you might not feel like moving, but that’s exactly what you should do. You should think about things that brought you joy before the onset of your depression. What activities did you enjoy? Make a list of things that you can do to bring about a sense of wholeness. Then, see if you can’t slowly start to get back into those activities. To battle anxiety, it might be helpful to gently begin to confront the things that trigger your anxiety and reflect on how it makes you feel. If you suffer from social anxiety, then you can explore ways to engage with other people in ways that feel safe for you. You might join a small book group or rekindle an old friendship through social media. It might help to think about social anxiety as a bathtub or pool of water that’s just too hot. If you start slowly and slide in your toes, then your feet and then your legs…before you know it, the water doesn’t feel so hot. Surround yourself with positive ideas and affirmations. You can use sticky notes or write in your journal. You can put messages to yourself on your smartphone or follow social media profiles that regularly post positive messages. The goal is to get out of the bubble of negative thoughts that dominate the way you process information. There are many other ways to get out of that stuck feeling of being sandwiched between depression and anxiety. It helps to talk to someone who can listen to your experience and use their experience to help you feel and think better. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Mood --- ### [Body Building Basics: 4 Weight Lifting Techniques for Muscle Mass](https://guycounseling.com/body-building-basics-4-weight-lifting-techniques-for-muscle-mass/) **Published:** June 14, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive man working out with resistance band](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/muscular-handsome-athletic-man-outside.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Body Building Techniques** There are lots of ways new [body builders can add muscle mass](http://link.springer.com/article/10.2165/00007256-198806030-00003) when it comes to weight training. During the first few months at the gym, a beginner will commonly see their biggest gains without putting in a herculean effort. This is why I often tell newbies who are just starting a body building program to embrace those first couple of months because that’s when rapid gains are most likely to happen. How big a person can get depends on a [number of factors](https://guycounseling.com/3-primary-factors-that-determine-how-much-muscle-you-can-build/)  – but that’s a different topic. This article will explore body building basics and identify four weight lifting techniques for adding muscle mass. I’ve tried to keep as much “geek” out of it as I can but [some of the science](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1424733/) you will see is unavoidable. ### **Body Building Plateaus** If you have reached a place where packing on new muscle is difficult, you have likely hit a plateau. This means you will need to look to other training techniques in order to maintain progress. I’ll first start out by saying that the approach you choose generally will depend on your body [building goals and body type](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/). Luckily, there are many different training techniques out there, with some being more appropriate for beginners and others who have some time and experience under their belts. ### **Four Body Building Techniques**  The four training approaches I am going to focus on are: *super sets, forced reps, the pyramid system*, and *periodization*. Most of these methods can be used in combination with other methods in order to maximize muscle growth and strength. ### **Super Sets** Super sets involve multiple exercises performed with little or no rest in between; the rest is the time it takes to get into position for the next movement. Because the person is moving from one exercise to another fairly quickly, they are able to save a lot of time in the gym, which may prove beneficial for someone on a time-crunch. Another benefit to super sets is the potential in challenges it poses and in capturing the athlete’s interest, since super sets actually include several sub-methods. The most common method of super set is the antagonist method, which involves using two exercises to work a single pair of opposing muscles. Depending on the exercises, one muscle is the agonist and the other the antagonist. #### **Super Sets Video** The **agonist muscles** moves the body part from one position and the **antagonist works** to return the part to that same, beginning position. In other words, the agonist muscles contract while the antagonist muscles are fairly relaxed. Examples of opposing muscles are the [biceps and triceps](https://guycounseling.com/arm-workouts-5-great-exercises-grow-biceps-triceps/). For example, during a bicep curl, the bicep is the agonist because it is the one contracting during the movement; since the triceps stay fairly relaxed, they are the antagonists. On the other hand, triceps during a “tricep extension” are the agonists while the biceps are the antagonists. Some of the benefits to this sub-method is that it allows the athlete to use additional weight or increase repetitions, which may actually increase muscular endurance. When two exercises are done to only work one particular muscle, the athlete is adopting the agonist super set sub-method. Normally, the agonist superset includes both an isolated and [compound movement](https://www.acefitness.org/blog/5299/5-compound-exercises-you-should-add-to-your). When the isolated movement precedes the compound movement in rapid succession, it is known as a pre-exhaust superset. [![opposing muscles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/opposing-muscles.png?resize=355%2C563&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/opposing-muscles.png?ssl=1) ### **Pre-Exhaust Super Sets** An example of a pre-exhaust superset is doing [traditional leg extensions](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/) (isolated) and deadlifts (compound) in order to really work the hamstrings. But, just like there is the pre-exhaust sub-method, method, there is also the post-exhaust method. It is very similar to the pre-exhaust method except the compound exercise is done first and the isolated exercise second. Super sets are not limited to only two exercises per muscle or muscle pairs. When three or more exercises are used, the lifter is using the giant set sub-method of super sets. Normally, only four or five exercises are used to target a muscle group. An example of a giant set targeting the back include: lat pull-downs, dumbbell rows, and dumbbell pullovers. However, the giant set can be a combination of the agonist and antagonist sub-methods. ### **Super Set Advanced** The super set advanced training methods is considered “advanced” for a reason and may be a con for less experienced athletes. Since super sets really test muscular and cardiovascular endurance, a less experienced athlete may not be able to perform the required number of repetitions in the set or do it quickly enough to be a challenge. Additionally, super sets, especially giant sets, can be a recipe for disaster through overtraining if you are not careful. [![forced reps](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/forced-reps.jpg?resize=506%2C334&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/forced-reps.jpg?ssl=1)Body Building: Forced Reps ### **Forced Reps** Forced Reps are exactly as the name implies in that they are forced repetitions of an exercise that an athlete cannot accomplish without some assistance. Forced reps are completed when the athlete has reached muscle failure or, simply, when they are lifting a very heavy weight. With a forced rep, a spotter or two relieve some of the load the athlete is trying to lift so that they may complete the lift. An example would be an athlete trying for a [heavy bench press using progressive overloading](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/). As soon as an athlete becomes “stuck” in the press, the spotters will grab the barbell from the middle or two spotters will each grab an end of the barbell to assist the lifter, but only to the extent that the barbell is moving at the same pace as before. ### **Forced Reps Video** But a forced rep is not a one and done deal. The athlete may choose to do multiple forced reps, which is where the benefit to the technique lies. The forced rep technique allows the athlete to complete a few extra reps when they otherwise could not. In itself, the need for assistance can be a drawback to adopting the forced rep advanced training technique. The athlete has to have excellent communication with his or her spotters so that they are reducing the load just enough but not too much. The spotters must, also, be physically capable of lifting the weight since they are transferring the load onto themselves. Additionally, the technique was designed to shock the muscles and can [lead to overtraining](https://guycounseling.com/overtraining-syndrome-8-signs-body-builders/) if done too frequently, so it is a technique that should be used sparingly, if at all. Overall, though, an athlete might want to leave it out of their regimen altogether since there is no proof in it being effective in increasing strength or power and may actually inhibit long-term progress. [![muscular strength (2)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/muscular-strength-2.jpg?resize=474%2C474&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/muscular-strength-2.jpg?ssl=1)Body Building: Pyramid System ### **Pyramid System** The pyramid system of training involves at least three progressive sets of a single exercise where the load increases, the load increases and then decreases, or a combination thereof. With that, there are several different pyramid systems – the **ascending pyramid**, **descending pyramid**, and **complete pyramids**. The ascending pyramid, or half pyramid, normally has the load increasing as opposed to the number of repetitions. The athlete uses a fixed number of repetitions (e.g. 10) while working from a certain percentage of their one-repetition max (1RM) to a higher percentage. T. L. Delorme, who originally introduced the pyramid system sixty years ago, suggested ascending from 50 to 75 to 100 percent of the athlete’s 1RM. For example, an athlete working on his or her deadlift with a 1RM of 300 pounds would do their first set of 10 with 150 pounds, second set of 10 with 225 pounds, and the last set of 10 with 300 pounds. However, it is not feasible for an athlete to be able to do multiple repetitions of a 1RM (it is called a 1RM for a reason). ### **Pyramid Video** Therefore, a more workable percentage might, for example, be from 50 (150 pounds) to 65 (195 pounds) to 80 percent (240 pounds). On the other hand, the ascending pyramid can, also, have the number of reps increase while the load remains the same across each set. For example, an athlete performing a deadlift can lift 200 pounds but do 5 repetitions during his or first set, 10 repetitions during the second set, 15 repetitions on the third set, and so on and so forth. Additionally, a variation to the ascending pyramid is having the load increase while the number of repetitions decreases. For example, the first set would be 15 repetitions with 150 pounds, second set has would be 10 repetitions at 195 pounds, and the last set with 5 reps would be at 240 pounds. The main benefit to the ascending pyramid is its **[inherent warm-up](https://guycounseling.com/warm-ups-10-reasons-they-should-be-part-of-your-workout/)**. Starting out with a lower weight, the athlete is able to loosen the muscles that will experience increased stress later. The **descending, or reverse, pyramid starts** out at the heaviest weight, decreasing through sets, while the number of repetitions increases. As one can imagine, the descending pyramid can be very dangerous since the athlete may not have warmed up to the heavy load like they would in an ascending pyramid. [![Pyramid system bodybuilding](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Pyramid-system-bodybuilding.png?resize=355%2C563&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Pyramid-system-bodybuilding.png?ssl=1) However there is the great benefit of being able to do the heaviest set when the athlete is fresh and has not reached fatigue yet. The complete pyramid simply involves both the ascent and descent. A complete pyramid is preferable to many because it is a highly effective way to train in order to build muscle because it consists of a higher intensity and volume. A drawback, though, is the athlete may experience muscle failure or fatigue before the pyramid is complete. An important benefit to any of the pyramid systems is that it can be combined with other advanced training methods, like super sets. [![Excuses for not working out](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/excuses-for-not-working-out.jpg?resize=537%2C356&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/excuses-for-not-working-out.jpg?ssl=1)Body Building Periodization ### **Periodization** Periodization, also known as cycle training, varies the volume and intensity of exercises between workouts in order to maximize long-term strength and muscular gains. Additionally, the exercises themselves can be swapped out in order to stress the muscle groups in slightly different ways. That way, the muscles do not fully adapt to the exercise and the athlete hits a plateau. Furthermore, the periodization can take place between individual workouts (microcycles) or over a longer period of time (mesocycles). An example of periodization in a microcycle would be an athlete doing 10 heavy deadlifts one day but 20 light deadlifts the next. Microcycles make up the mesocycles, which is divides the years into different training seasons – off-season, preseason, early season, and peak season. One season’s overall volume and intensity will differ from that of another season. ### **Periodization Video** One of the great benefits to periodization in training is that an athlete is less likely to over train because the athlete works in adequate rest periods. Another benefit to periodization is, because it varies on several aspects, it stresses the muscles in different ways to allow for faster, more progressive gains as opposed to hitting a plateau. Also, periodization seems to offer the same positive results for older adults as it does for younger adults. ### **Final Thoughts** A beginner bodybuilder does not necessarily have to be concerned with some of the more advanced training techniques since they still experience gains. As a person grows as an athlete, they discover advanced techniques such as super sets, forced reps, pyramid system, and periodization. Depending on your goals, any one of these may be adopted but most can be used in conjunction with another. However, forced repetitions should really only be used as a last resort since it has not been proven to make any positive changes to strength or muscle mass. Aside from that, each technique has its own pros and cons and all challenge the athlete’s muscular endurance and strength. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** body building, forced reps, periodization, pyramid system, super sets --- ### [7 Traits of Men Who Act Like Adults](https://guycounseling.com/men-who-act-like-adults/) **Published:** June 2, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men who act like adults from Chicago Therapist ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/men-adults-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Men Who Act Like Adults** Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of working with countless men striving to navigate the complexities of adulthood as a [men’s therapist in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-men-for-better-living/). One recurring theme in our sessions is the quest to embody the traits that define a mature, responsible, and emotionally intelligent man. Adulthood is not just about reaching a certain age or meeting societal milestones. It’s about adopting a mindset and behaviors that reflect maturity, integrity, and responsibility. In today’s fast-paced and often chaotic world, these traits are more important than ever. They not only help you to lead a balanced and fulfilling life but also positively impact those around you. The journey to adulthood is a continuous process of growth, self-reflection, and adaptation. Understanding what it means to be an adult can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially with the diverse expectations placed on men today. From career pressures to personal relationships, the modern man faces a unique set of challenges. However, by focusing on the development of certain core traits, you can navigate these challenges with confidence and poise. Let’s explore the seven key traits that I have identified through my work with men from all walks of life. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## **1. Emotional Intelligence** [Emotional intelligence](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-2795423) is the cornerstone of adult behavior. It encompasses self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. Men who act like adults understand their emotions and can manage them effectively. They don’t shy away from expressing their feelings but do so in a constructive manner. They also recognize and respect the emotions of others, which fosters healthier relationships both personally and professionally. ## **2. Accountability** Taking responsibility for one’s actions is a hallmark of adulthood. Men who act like adults own their mistakes and learn from them rather than blaming others. This trait builds trust and respect in relationships. Whether it’s a missed deadline at work or a misunderstanding with a partner, acknowledging one’s role and making amends is a powerful step toward maturity. ## **3. Financial Responsibility** A key aspect of adulthood is managing finances wisely. This means living within one’s means, budgeting, saving, and planning for the future. Financial responsibility also involves understanding the value of money and making informed decisions that support long-term goals. Men who act like adults are [mindful of their spending](https://guycounseling.com/improve-relationship-money/) and avoid impulsive purchases that can lead to financial instability. ## **4. Dependability** Dependability is about being reliable and consistent. Men who act like adults keep their promises and show up when they’re needed. This trait is crucial in both personal and professional spheres. Being dependable means others can count on you, which strengthens your relationships and builds a reputation of trustworthiness. ## **5. Effective Communication** Effective communication goes beyond just talking; it involves active listening, clear expression, and respectful dialogue. Men who act like adults communicate their thoughts and feelings openly and honestly, without resorting to aggression or passive-aggressiveness. They understand that effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and building strong, healthy relationships. ## **6. Self-Care and Health Awareness** Taking care of one’s physical and mental health is a sign of maturity. Men who act like adults prioritize their well-being through regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and [mindfulness practices](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/). They also recognize the importance of mental health and seek help when needed, whether through therapy, meditation, or support groups. Self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for a fulfilling life. ## **7. Empathy and Compassion** Empathy and compassion are crucial traits for any adult. Men who act like adults show kindness and understanding towards others. They are willing to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and offer support without judgment. This not only enhances personal relationships but also contributes to a more compassionate and connected community. ## **Summing Things Up** Embodying these traits is a continuous journey rather than a destination. As a men’s therapist in Chicago, I’ve seen firsthand the transformative power of adopting these behaviors. They not only help men navigate the challenges of life more effectively but also lead to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships. If you recognize areas where you need growth, don’t be discouraged. Change is always possible with commitment and effort. If you’re looking to develop these traits further or need support in any aspect of your life, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Stay strong, stay committed, and continue striving to be the best version of yourself. — **References** Kendra Cherry, Mse. (2024, January 31). Emotionally intelligent people have these 10 traits in common. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence-2795423 **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Men. Adults, Money --- ### [Grey Eyes: Learn About a Rare, Smokey Eye Color!](https://guycounseling.com/grey-eyes/) **Published:** January 7, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![grey eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/grey-eyes-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Grey eyes are rare Table of Contents Toggle - [GREY EYES ARE RARE AND MYSTERIOUS ](#GREY_EYES_ARE_RARE_AND_MYSTERIOUS) - [GREY EYES DEFINITION](#GREY_EYES_DEFINITION) - [GREY EYES LEARNING OBJECTIVES](#GREY_EYES_LEARNING_OBJECTIVES) - [Science of Green Eyes](#Science_of_Green_Eyes) - [SCIENCE OF GREY EYES](#SCIENCE_OF_GREY_EYES) - [GENETIC ORIGINS OF GREY EYES](#GENETIC_ORIGINS_OF_GREY_EYES) - [GREY EYES AND GENETIC ANTHROPOLOGY](#GREY_EYES_AND_GENETIC_ANTHROPOLOGY) - [INFLUENCE OF GENES ON GREY EYES](#INFLUENCE_OF_GENES_ON_GREY_EYES) - [Old Thinking](#Old_Thinking) - [New Thinking](#New_Thinking) - [GEOLOGIC TIME AND GREY EYES](#GEOLOGIC_TIME_AND_GREY_EYES) - [CAN GREY EYES CHANGE COLOR?](#CAN_GREY_EYES_CHANGE_COLOR) - [LIGHT SCATTERING AND GREY EYES](#LIGHT_SCATTERING_AND_GREY_EYES) - [GREY EYES AND MOOD](#GREY_EYES_AND_MOOD) - [GREY EYES, COLOR AND HEALTH](#GREY_EYES_COLOR_AND_HEALTH) - [GREY EYES AND LIGHT’S INFLUENCE](#GREY_EYES_AND_LIGHTS_INFLUENCE) - [WARNING ABOUT SUDDEN CHANGES IN COLOR](#WARNING_ABOUT_SUDDEN_CHANGES_IN_COLOR) - [CELEBRITIES WITH GREY EYES](#CELEBRITIES_WITH_GREY_EYES) - [MYTHS ABOUT GREY EYES](#MYTHS_ABOUT_GREY_EYES) - [GREY EYES POLL](#GREY_EYES_POLL) - [DID GREY EYES COME FROM ALIENS?](#DID_GREY_EYES_COME_FROM_ALIENS) - [SUMMING GREY EYES UP](#SUMMING_GREY_EYES_UP) ## **GREY EYES ARE RARE AND MYSTERIOUS**  Hunting for information on **grey eyes**? Hoping to find out how many people have grey eyes on the planet? According to [research](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00439-007-0460-x), it is estimated that only 3% of the population has grey eyes. When one considers that an estimated 7 billion people live on planet earth, this means only 210,000,000 million humans have grey as their eye color. Grey eyes can come in different shades, including hues of smoky blue, green and in some cases, hazel-brown. Much depends on the person, lighting, atmospheric conditions and x-variables. \[[Where do green eyes come from?](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/)\] Given interest in eye color among readers of this blog, I thought it might be fun to pen a piece that’s all about people with grey eyes. As a matter of transparency, you should know that I have brown eyes. I’m mentioning this to demonstrate I am not bias in any of the material that follows. ![Grey eyes with gold specs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/grey-eye-1.jpeg?resize=600%2C381&ssl=1)Grey eyes care close to blue ## **GREY EYES DEFINITION** Trying to define grey eyes is difficult. That’s because all of us experience eye color (in ourselves and others) uniquely. In the case of smoke colored eyes, the intensity of greyness present depends upon the person. Some women have a blue-grey expression while some men have green-grey. An individual is said to have grey eyes when the dominate color falls between blue, brown and green, casting off a mystical look that is highly desired. Over the centuries, many people have attributed the trait of grey eyes to supernatural, empathic abilities. While not grounded in science, it’s fun to think about, particularly if this is your eye color. ![grey eyes man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/face-man-baggy-eyes.jpg?resize=640%2C457&ssl=1)Grey colored eyes are influenced by light ## **GREY EYES LEARNING OBJECTIVES** This article is designed to offer a comprehensive review of grey eyes. On this page, you will: - Learn about grey eyes in people - Explore the science of eye color - Examine the role of eye color and heredity - Explore how eye color can be changed to grey - Review the impact of health and grey eyes - Assess the influence of other colors on smoky eyes - Look at celebrities with grey eyes - Survey grey eye myths - Determine best makeup options for grey eyes - Take an eye color poll - Watch videos on eye color ## Science of Green Eyes Melanin content in eye color of people with green, amber, hazel, brown, blue, violet and gray and black eyes | Eye Color | Melanin Amount: Front Layer of Iris | Melanin Amount: Back Layer of Iris | Dominant Pigmentation | |---|---|---|---| | [Hazel](https://guycounseling/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) | Medium: Less than green. More than brown | Normal | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | | Brown | Substantial | Normal | Eumelanin | | [Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) | Light | Normal | Eumelanin | | Green | Closer to blue; less than brown | Normal | Pheomelanin | | [Grey](https://guycounsling.com/grey-eyes/) | Less than green and hazel | Normal | Eumelanin mix | | Violet/Purple | Small to none | Small to little | Unknown | | Black | Heavy | Heavy | Black Eumelanin | | [Amber](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) | Less than brown | Light | Eumelanin and Pheomelanin | ![Heterochromia grey eye and brownish blue eye](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/one-blue-one-green.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Greyish eyes with heterochromia ## **SCIENCE OF GREY EYES** Where do grey colored eyes come from? That’s a question that’s frequently asked among those who have this smoky hue or see it in others. Ultimately, eye color is the byproduct of genetics. Your unique eye color is determined by two components: (1) pigmentation of the iris and (2) the specific way light scatters around the globe of the iris itself. Let’s examine both. The iris’s pigmentation can run the gamut from the darkest blue to the lightest green. Browns and hazels are in the middle. Influencing pigmentation is a substance called melanin; a complex binding agent (polymer) made from tyrosine, an amino acid. \[[Learn about dark blue eyes!](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/)\] The appearance of grey and shades of grey (i.e. smoke, blue hazel eyes and green hazel) are directly impacted by a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering; a scientific term that describes how light scatters after riding along the wavelength spectrum. When I was younger, I used to think that I eye color was somehow magically deposited into the iris. Later, I found out that a person’s eyes really are experienced by the way light diffuses and atomizes across the melanin base. ![blue eyes light scatter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/blue-eyes-Rayleigh_sunlight_scattering.png?resize=600%2C491&ssl=1)Credit: Wikicommons ## **GENETIC ORIGINS OF GREY EYES** There is anthropological evidence to suggest early humans with grey eyes lived around the vast mountain system of Eurasia, nestled between the Black and Caspian Seas. At one time, this swath of land contained a natural land bridge that linked Asia and Europe. Commonly referred to as the “Silk Route” (aka silk roads), this ancient set of paths was used by early civilizations to barter silk. Historians believe these routes were used between 120 BCE – 1450 CE (Yao, et all, 2000). The map below provides a good visual of the ancient silk road system. ![Silk Route Grey Eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/green-eyes-silk-route.jpg?resize=500%2C325&ssl=1)The silk route is may be a major reason for the distribution of grey and blue eyes ## **GREY EYES AND GENETIC ANTHROPOLOGY** Genetic anthropology is an emerging branch of social science that involves DNA testing. Using concrete archaeological, historical and language-based evidence, DNA results are combined with known migratory behaviors of early people to assess behaviors. As the field continues to grow, scientists learn more and more about the origins of eye color. That’s why today, you can get your own DNA tested through various companies. After your sample is processed, results are usually sent to you that include ethnic and hereditary factors as part of your family line. Migratory information is often made available with DNA sampling. When examined in their totality, the results may help to explain your unique eye color. If you are interested in this, I highly recommend the [Ancestry DNA genetic testing kit](http://amzn.to/2q4qa6G). That said, there are specific, scientific reasons for grey eyes. ## **INFLUENCE OF GENES ON GREY EYES** ### **Old Thinking** Before the year 2008, scientists thought a person’s eye color was mostly determined by one “dominant” gene. Scientists even thought there was an eye color hierarchy. At the bottom rested brown and at the top, blue. Greys and greens were in between. Under this previous way of thinking, this meant if your father had grey eyes and your mom had brown eyes, you would probably be born with greyish colored eyes. A parental combo of two grey eyes biologically translated into you having grey eyes. The role of a recessive gene(s) were also thought to somehow influence eye color. ### **New Thinking** Everything changed after 2008 when a new [line of research](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00439-007-0460-x), published in a 2008 edition of the American Journal of Human Genetics did away with the previous theoretical constructs. The newly discovered information suggests that 16 genes may influence how color is expressed in the iris. In everyday language, this means that an infant can be born with almost any eye color, regardless of dominant parental influences. That’s not to say strong hereditary variables aren’t factored into the equation. The video below offers an excellent overview of eye color, including how genes factor into people having grey, blue, green or brown eyes. ![hazel eyes, green eyes, olive eyes, brown blue eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-green-olive.jpg?resize=500%2C475&ssl=1)Eye Colors ## **GEOLOGIC TIME AND GREY EYES** Huge parts of Asia, Africa and Europe, plus areas of the middle east, have been homelands to people with grey eyes. When examining the geologic time scale; a scientific chart that’s used to measure earth’s history, it is thought that grey eyes may have first appeared in people of middle eastern decent sometime during the later parts of the Cenozoic period. To be even more specific, this would be sometime between the late Pleistocene and early Holocene epochs, 2 to 3 million years ago. \[[Hazel eyes learning page](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/)\] It’s important to state that all races, including individuals who are Caucasian, African, Asian, Native Indian, Pacific Islander, Hispanic and the Indigenous Peoples of the Americas (pre-Columbians) can have greyish colored eyes. As mentioned above, scientists believe eye color, like brown, hazel, blue and green were highly influenced by migratory patterns. Due to inter-mixing of groups, combined with millions of genetic mutations, we see various shades of grey in modern man. ![grey eyes geologic time scale](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/geologic-clock.png?resize=500%2C500&ssl=1)Geologic Time Scale ## **CAN GREY EYES CHANGE COLOR?** Many people want to know: ***Can eye color be changed?*** The answer is – under some circumstances – yes! People with dark grey, hazel, brown, green or blue eyes all experience change in color from time to time. Causes for these changes include: - Mood - How light scatters - Medical reasons ![Grey eyes of a man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/grey-eyes-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Grey eyes of a bearded man ## **LIGHT SCATTERING AND GREY EYES** If you have smoky eyes, it’s not because mother nature deposited that color into your iris with a dropper. Factually, your eye pigmentation contains tiny specs of brown in them. Due to the phenomenon of Rayleigh scattering, the color of your eye will reflect back a unique hue. ## **GREY EYES AND MOOD** Believe it or not, your eye color can be influenced by your mood. Specifically, I’m talking about your emotional state. This makes sense when you this about emotional states. For example, if you are upset because something bad happened, you may cry. This will cause your pupils to dilate and the whites of your eyes to either widen or contract. In turn, more of your natural color will be present when viewed by others. \[[Learn about dark amber eyes!](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/)\] If you have grey eyes, sadness may make your color turn temporarily blue – as intense blue. It just depends on dilation and lighting. ## **GREY EYES, COLOR AND HEALTH** If your eyes are grey, you are more vulnerable to our sun’s ultraviolet rays. Essentially, grey eyed individuals can experience the onset of certain ocular cancers, like intraocular melanoma. Eye care specialists recommend light eyed people wear UV protective, polarized sunglasses when exposed to the sun. ![grey blue eye close up](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/blue-grey-eye-closeup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do you see grey or blue in this eye color? ## **GREY EYES AND LIGHT’S INFLUENCE** Expanding upon the previous material on Rayleigh scattering, it’s important to know *how* light scatters across the melanin plain and its influence on color expression. If you have grey eyes, this is why some people may tell you that your color “looks blue” or “steel” or “silver”. It’s all very subjective. **Major influences on eye color also include:** - Seasonal allergies: If your allergies become activated in fall or spring, resulting in “scratchy eyes”, it can cause the surrounding “whites” of your eyes to appear reddish (bloodshot). Some people’s eyes become super puffy, with large bags that take away from their natural beauty. \[[How to get rid of dark circles under eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/)\] - **Type of lighting:** Artificial lights (light bulbs) can influence how others experience your eye color. The brightness of light reflecting from your iris will either increase or soften your iris’s appearance. - **Morning vs. Afternoon:** The sun’s light may be more intense in the morning, which means your iris will “pick-up” different intensities from the solar spectrum. Later in the afternoon, the intensity reflected back from the spectrum is less. - **Eye Shadow:** Some women wear [eye shadow](http://amzn.to/2rDqMB8), like matt browns and warm coffee colors, to accentuate the natural grey of the iris. This can cause the desired effect of having mysterious eyes. Eye shadow, when properly applied, can also make blue eyes appear steel or hazel eyes. Consult a beauty expert for more information. - **Other Colors:** The brightness and intensity of grey eyes can be influenced by other colors. For example, browns and purples help to amplify grey. Black and blue take away from grey’s intensity. That’s why clothing choices are important for people with smoke colored eyes. - **Alcohol and/or Drugs:** If you drink alcohol or take certain medications, it can cause your eye color to temporarily change. This is also true of illicit drugs, such as crystal meth, cocaine, MDMA or opioids. The change is mostly due to pupil dilation and vasoconstrictor effects. ## **WARNING ABOUT SUDDEN CHANGES IN COLOR** Should the color of your eyes suddenly change or if you become aware that your pupils have remained dilated for an extended period of time, call your doctor immediately. There may be a medical reason that needs urgent attention. ![Alex Pettyfer grey bluue eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Alex-Pettyfer.jpg?resize=284%2C283&ssl=1)Alex Pettyfer has grey eyes &  shades of blue ## **CELEBRITIES WITH GREY EYES** Smokey, grey eyes are rare. That said, there are a number of famous people who have them. Admittingly, some of the people I’ve listed below could technically fall into the blue eye category. Again, it’s all about lighting and the other factors mentioned above that influence color perception. FYI: A few of these people are no longer with us. - Wentworth Miller - Mitch Hewer - Alex Pettyfer - Megan Fox - Andreea Diacon - Milla Jovovich - Anna Arendshorst - Josh Henderson (one eye is grey) - Davie Bowie - Jonathan Rhys Meyers - Henry Cavill - Benedict Cumberbatch - Simon Pegg [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/grey-eyes-main-.jpg?resize=598%2C502&ssl=1)](https://www.instagram.com/deiviz_nora/?hl=en)Instagram model Deiviz Nora has grey eyes ## **MYTHS ABOUT GREY EYES** There are more myths about grey eyes than I can shake a stick at. Many can be traced back to the ancients with an eye on Greek Mythology. For example, Perseus from the story of Medusa is said to have had grey eyes. There is no way I can list all of the myths here. What I’ve tried to do is include the biggies. - Grey eyed people are better in bed - People with grey eyes are mind readers - [Pisces men ](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/)with grey eyes are dangerous - Men with grey eyes are sexually gifted - Women with grey eyes are charming - Grey eyed people are smarter than green eyed people - If you have grey eyes, you are psychic - People with grey eyes are more spontaneous - Guys with grey blue eyes have larger anatomy - Women with steel blue eyes are sexually dominant - Grey eyed people are just weird ## **GREY EYES POLL** The poll below is designed to assess what you think about eye color. It’s not scientific and shouldn’t be used as proof of what the general population believes. Still, the results may offer a window of insight into how others feel about eye color. ## **DID GREY EYES COME FROM ALIENS?** As silly as it may seem, some people believe that eye color is partially due to aliens from another galaxy depositing their genetic material into early man. This is highly unlikely. What is possible, however, is that material from outer space that helped to shape our planet hominid adaptation. The color of a person’s eyes is determined by the amount and type of pigments in the front part of the iris, as well as by the scattering of light by the turbid medium in the stroma of the iris. The genetics of eye color is complex and involves multiple genes. **Grey eyes** are a result of a lack of pigmentation in the stroma of the iris, allowing the underlying structure of the eye to show through. This lack of pigmentation can be influenced by genetic factors passed down from parents. It’s a natural variation in human eye color and is not related to extraterrestrial influences. Eye color is a hereditary trait, and the specific combination of genes inherited from one’s parents determines the color of their eyes. There is no scientific evidence to support the idea that eye color, including grey eyes, has any connection to extraterrestrial beings. Such beliefs are typically part of speculative or fictional narratives rather than scientifically grounded explanations. ## **SUMMING GREY EYES UP** With each new day, scientists are learning more about the origin of eye color. One thing is for sure, grey eyes are extremely rare. They also happen to be beautiful to look at. Some people get so carried away with eye color that they undergo dangerous medical procedures, like the one featured on this [ABC story](http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/tameka-tiny-harris-surgical-eye-color-change/story?id=26559053). If you want to change your eye color to grey, it’s probably best to visit your optometrist and explore contact options. Finally, see the product recommendations below via Amazon on eye related products that are designed to produce smokey eyes. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling! — References: Yao, Yong-Gang et al. “Gene Admixture In The Silk Road Region Of China: Evidence From Mtdna And Melanocortin 1 Receptor Polymorphism.”. Genes & Genetic Systems 75.4 (2000): 173-178. Web.   **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Blue Eyes, Eye Color, green eyes, Grey Eyes, hazel eyes --- ### [Botox for Guys What to Expect](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/) **Published:** January 2, 2024 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dark spots on face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/man-face-botox.jpg?resize=960%2C639&ssl=1 "man-face-botox") ## **Botox for Guys** Have you recently started to notice fine lines and wrinkles around your eyes and mouth, causing your to become concerned about your appearance? This topic comes up a lot in my men’s counseling and coaching work. This discovery can be a bit scary, particularly if you have grown accustomed to others mentioning your youthful appearance or complimenting you on your skin. It seems like a lot of guys now-a-days are becoming increasingly focused on skin-care, given the times in which we live. This makes sense when you consider the proliferation of selfies on social media, which have caused a rise in people wanting to undergo cosmetic procedures, according to [public polls](http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/selfies-sparking-rise-plastic-surgery-poll-article-1.1720973). [![jared leto botox](https://i0.wp.com/media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/ea/fa/0c/eafa0c232672bb6f0e3a5ec162923ad5.jpg?resize=350%2C460)](http://education.makemeheal.com/index.php/Leto,_Jared)Jared Leto is Rumored to Use Botox The use of botox among aging body builders is nothing new. Many have used the substance to help them look younger and by extension, give them a bit of a leg up during competitions. And the whole Botox thing seems to have caught on among some business men and [blue collar dudes](http://metro.co.uk/2013/02/25/the-rise-of-brotox-plumbers-and-businessmen-copy-simon-cowells-botox-look-3510335/), like plumbers! Use of botox among male celebrities has been going on for a long time. Jared Leto is rumored to have used Botox for example. Let’s take a closer look at Botox and men walk through what to expect should you decide to have this cosmetic procedure. ### **Men and Skin Appearance** Like it or not, we live in a youth focused world. Younger looking men are routinely pegged as being smarter, more skilled and happier than their older counterparts.  That’s just reality dudes – for real! And while we have come a long way in the world of male skin-care, the topic of cosmetic procedures and guys is still somewhat taboo for many in our ubersexual society. ### **Botox and Guys** This article is designed to give guys the real deal on what to expect should you decide to get Botox injections. I will give you a brief overview of the drug and move on to specifics involving the actual cosmetic procedure. Additionally, I will walk you through what to expect after you have your first Botox injections and share a few tips on how to reduce pain and swelling before a needle ever touches your skin. Finally, I will share some of my own personal thoughts about Botox as an anti-aging tool in your arsenal of self-care weapons. ### **I’ve Had Botox** As a matter of **full-disclosure**, I have been receiving Botox injections since I was 34 years old. The information shared here comes from personal experiences and will hopefully give you some firsthand insight on how the whole Botox thing works. Obviously it is on you to do your research. What appears here should be considered for informational purposes only. Yep – I’ve got the balls to admit it. ![botox](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/4654_92326853062_7194206_n.jpg?resize=225%2C300&ssl=1 "straight talk about botox") ### **Botox and Guys** Before we get too far into this, let me say there is nothing effeminate about a dude getting Botox. In fact, I am going to make the argument here that ![boxtox men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/acceptance-commitment-therapy.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1)guys who opt for a cosmetic procedure, like Botox injections, are more masculine than the dudes who sit and talk smack about the guys that do. It’s like this … if you are going to the gym to work your body out so that you can look attractive, guess what – you are already engaged in anti-aging techniques and self-care. Let’s be real – there is an element of vanity involved. Botox (and other anti-aging procedures) can be thought of in the same vein. The drug helps to reduce the visible signs of aging and help you as a man look your best you can for where you are in life. It’s pretty simple – getting Botox injections isn’t just for girls. Many male celebrities have had Botox injections and nobody thinks of them as “women”. The reality is that when you hit the age of 30 (give or take) the lines start to appear and become increasingly more visible as the years go on. And to be clear, there are things that you can do to prevent wrinkles from forming in the first place. But this requires that you partake in a number of [men’s anti-aging approaches](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/). OK let’s move on. ### **What is Botox?** A lot of people want to know *what* exactly Botox is. To keep it real, Botox is a drug made from a toxin produced by the [bacterium Clostridium botulinum](http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/botox.html). It’s the same toxin that causes a life-threatening type of food poisoning called botulism. Yes, you read that correctly. Keep in mind however that the toxin is **inactive**, meaning it is not alive. ### **[![botox costs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/online_college_money-150x150.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/online_college_money.jpg?ssl=1)What does it cost?** During your first appointment, your doctor will likely do an consultation/examination. Together, both of you should decide on what areas need treatment. For a lot of men, the major injection sites include the eye area, the forehead and depending upon your situation, the hairline or check area. It just depends on your needs and where you are in life.   Costs can run the gambit. I have seen some people pay $400.00 for a treatment and others pay as much as $800.00 Generally speaking, Botox is charged by the vial or unit ($12 per unit, $15 per vial) It is also charged by treatment area, such as the area between the eyes or where frown lines appear (aka: Marietta lines). Bottom line – Botox isn’t cheap. And one point here – be very careful of anyone who is offering “cheap” treatments. This is your face dude, you know? That old saying “You get what you pay for” is big time true here! ### **Botox – What to Expect?** When you go in for your first Botox injection, you probably are going to be a bit nervous. I was during my first visit. This is very normal. You can expect to do the normal stuff when you go in for a medical appointment, like completing forms and answering a bunch of medical questions about your past. And if your Botox doctor is busy (like most good ones are) you can expect to wait. After your medical history is taken and all of the forms are filled out and completed, you will eventually be taken to a room that is designed for treatments. Most modern doctor’s offices that offer cosmetic procedures try to offer a warm, inviting environment and avoid the clinical “white walls” or “hospital” look. You will likely be asked to lay down on a table that is slightly inclined so that your doc can more easily access the areas necessary for the injections. Many physicians (or the nurse) will offer you a ball to hold on to or some other device to squeeze during the injections. I’ve gone so many times over the years that I no longer need to use this but for a long time, I did. To me, the procedure itself isn’t really painful. Instead, it is the weird sounds that you hear when the needle touches the skin and the Botox is injected into the muscle areas of the face. There is a distinctive “squirt” sound that you will hear and the ball just helped me deal with it. Depending upon how much work you are having done, you can expect the process to last anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes, give or take. ### **Does Botox Hurt?** I can only speak for myself but I personally do not think the injections hurt. When you get a Botox injection, there is a slight “pinch” that you will feel momentarily at the injection site (i.e. around the eyes, forehead). Some dudes say they experienced mild pain but really – I have to say it does not hurt. One of the questions I had for my doctor was if it was cool to go to the gym after the procedure. He shared with me that it would be a good idea to wait at least 24-hours before hitting the weights or doing any real cardio. My doctor explained that my face needed some time to naturally heal and that going to the gym might metabolize the Botox product prematurely into my system, thereby wasting money and time. And so what I am suggesting to you is to think about skipping your workout (including cardio) on injection day. One missed workout is OK. ### **Does Botox Really Work?** Again, I can only speak for myself but in my experience, I have been able to take off a good five to 10 years off my face thanks to Botox. Now granted, there are other things all of us should be doing, like proper moisturizing, avoiding the sun and occasional firming masks. But yeah, I personally think Botox works. I have also seen it do wonders for a few guys I know who were starting to develop wrinkles. One guy I know who had some pretty bad “bags” under his eyes found that Botox helped to stop the bags from forming because the muscles were constantly tight. FYI: If you are a man with dark circles and bags under your eyes, be sure to check out this “[getting rid of dark circles](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/)” post for men. **How Long Does Boxtox Last?** Guys, it depends on each individual. Most dudes I know only need to go in 2x a year. There are some however who feel they benefit from more frequent visits, like every 4 months. For the most part however, 2x a year is more than enough. Keep in mind that the result you see is temporary, meaning eventually the Botox will wear off. This means ongoing visits to the doctor to help keep your face from wrinkling out. ### **Are There Alternatives to Botox?** It’s perfectly natural to wonder about alternatives to Botox. Let’s be honest – if you can prevent having a needle placed anywhere your face, it’s probably worth it. In my experience, the best alternative to Botox is preventing the need for it in the first place. One of the best ways to stop wrinkles, crags and sags from forming on your face is to engage in proper [facial care techniques for men](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/). Now if you want something that provides general skin tightening while helping to remove impurities and wrinkles, you can try the [Dead Sea Mud Mask](http://amzn.to/2evfEka). This one is good because it helps to naturally pull skin taught while encouraging balanced skin tone. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00Z75ZDAU&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00Z75ZDAU/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00Z75ZDAU&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=4f02641b3f803964b515539bb606eb1c)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00Z75ZDAU) ### **Final Thoughts** Wanting to look your very best is only normal. Good self-care means looking at all of the options, including Botox. One thing I have noticed is that Botox has helped me to *prevent* wrinkles from forming in the first place. It also helped to soften the lines that have were starting to creep in. Obviously, you will want to talk to your doctor and do your research. My suggestion is that the first time you go in for a treatment, think about the concept of “less being more”. In other words, opt for a smallish treatment to see if you like the result. Later on, you can figure out if you need more Guys, don’t expect a miracle to happen overnight. It takes about 5-7 days for the Botox injections to “settle in” to the point where you will notice results. Even then, the impact of Botox (if done correctly) should be subtle in nature. You will likely notice other people will remark that you look “rested” or “refreshed”. Some will say you look “good” or “different” but will likely not be able to pinpoint what has changed with you. I will just emphasize here again that *less is more* when it comes to Botox. If you over do it, I am here to say that the shit will look totally plastic and fake. Lastly, let me say that I am aware of the “horror” stories that exist for *some* people regarding Botox. This is why I am again suggesting that you do your homework and check your doctor out. Avoid getting Botox treatments on the cheap or from someone who does not seem qualified to administer the shots. And again, ask questions. I hope you found this article useful. It would be great if you posted your own experiences or thoughts about Botox here in the discussion area. I have included a poll as a way of gauging where guys are on this topic. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling! **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style, Guy Pop **Tags:** Botox, Face Care Men, Men's Grooming, men's skin care, Skin Care --- ### [Breaking Down Masculinity Stereotypes](https://guycounseling.com/masculinity-stereotypes/) **Published:** December 3, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cowboy masculinity ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/cowboy-cofee.jpeg?resize=640%2C472&ssl=1) ## Masculinity – A Closer Look In the realm of mental health, discussions surrounding gender norms and stereotypes are gaining traction. As a  [Chicago therapist specializing in men’s issues](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-transition-counseling-services/), I find myself at the forefront of navigating the complexities of masculinity with my clients. In this blog post, we will explore the concept of masculinity, its cultural variations, the stereotypes that can impact individuals, and how therapy can play a pivotal role in breaking down these stereotypes. ## Defining Masculinity Masculinity is a multifaceted concept that encompasses a set of qualities and [characteristics](https://www.bmj.com/content/317/7165/1072.short) traditionally associated with men. These can include attributes like strength, stoicism, independence, and assertiveness. However, it’s crucial to recognize that these traits are not universally shared among all men, nor do they define the entirety of what it means to be masculine. The truth is, there is no universal definition that exists about this construct. ## Cultural Variations One of the most intriguing aspects of masculinity is its fluidity across cultures. What is considered masculine in one society may differ significantly from another. Some cultures may place a strong emphasis on emotional expression and nurturing qualities, challenging the stoic and unemotional stereotype often associated with masculinity in Western societies. Recognizing and respecting these cultural variations is essential in understanding the diverse ways in which individuals experience and express their masculinity. ## Masculinity in the Midwest vs. East Coast Masculinity, like any cultural construct, is subject to regional nuances that shape perceptions and expectations. In the Midwest of the United States, a prevailing ethos often emphasizes traditional values such as resilience, self-reliance, and stoicism. Men in the Midwest may find themselves navigating a cultural landscape that appreciates hard work, practical skills, and a certain rugged individualism ([think lumbersexual look](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/)). The emphasis on community and family ties is significant, contributing to a sense of responsibility and provider role for men in this region. On the East Coast, the cultural tapestry tends to be more diverse and cosmopolitan. Here, masculinity may be less tied to conventional expectations, allowing for a broader spectrum of expressions. The East Coast often celebrates intellectual pursuits, entrepreneurial spirit, and a more progressive approach to gender roles. Men on the East Coast might feel a greater latitude to embrace vulnerability and engage in open discussions about emotions, challenging the stoic stereotypes associated with traditional masculinity. Understanding these regional distinctions is crucial in appreciating the varied ways in which individuals navigate and express their masculinity. ## The Impact of Stereotypes Stereotypes surrounding masculinity can be pervasive and harmful. Men may feel pressure to conform to societal expectations, leading to a suppression of emotions and an avoidance of vulnerability. This can contribute to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties. It’s essential to challenge these stereotypes and create a space where individuals can explore and embrace the full spectrum of their emotions and experiences. ## Therapy as a Safe Space Therapy provides a safe and confidential environment for individuals to explore their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without fear of judgment. For men navigating the complexities of masculinity, therapy can be a transformative space where they can challenge stereotypes, redefine their sense of self, and explore healthier ways of expressing their emotions. This is why I highly encourage men to seek out counseling and find a **therapist who focuses on male related issues**. Much [like cognitive behavioral therapy](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) it’s a specialty, so you may have to do a little advance work before reaching out to a counselor who fits your needs. ## Breaking Down Barriers In therapy, breaking down the barriers associated with traditional masculinity involves encouraging open communication, emotional expression, and [self-reflection](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/). By challenging ingrained beliefs about what it means to be a man, clients can explore their authentic selves and develop a more nuanced understanding of their masculinity. ## Encouraging Emotional Expression One of the key aspects of navigating masculinity in therapy is encouraging emotional expression. Many men have been conditioned to believe that expressing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Therapy provides a platform for clients to explore and embrace a range of emotions, fostering a more authentic and resilient sense of self. ## Building Healthy Relationships Stereotypes around masculinity can impact the way men approach relationships. In therapy, individuals can explore and develop healthier relationship patterns by dismantling toxic beliefs and behaviors. This may involve learning effective communication skills, setting boundaries, and embracing mutual vulnerability within relationships. ## Wrap Up As a therapist, I am committed to creating a space where individuals can explore and redefine their masculinity free from societal constraints and stereotypes. By recognizing the cultural variations of masculinity, challenging harmful stereotypes, and encouraging emotional expression, therapy becomes a powerful tool for personal growth and breaking free from the confines of traditional gender norms. In the journey of navigating masculinity, the therapeutic process can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Manly, Masculine --- ### [7 Signs You’re In The Wrong Relationship](https://guycounseling.com/7-signs-youre-wrong-relationship/) **Published:** September 10, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![wrong relationship](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/relationship.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Wrong Relationship Signs Believers in karmic love often say things like: “Just be patient and hang in there – you’ll *know* when the right one comes along.” Perhaps these folks are right. After all, maybe there is a cosmic force at play that magically draws two people together. But what happens if you get a false reading? In other words, WTF do you do if you become involved with someone you *thought* was “the one” but now have nagging doubts? **More:** [Are Scorpio and Cancer compatible?](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/) Before continuing, let me say that I’m not trying to get all negative on your love life. And this post isn’t about stirring up panic and fear. Instead, I’m hoping to help you better understand several key signs that may suggest you’re in the wrong relationship. As you read what follows, bear in mind that some of these points may seem obvious. Others, however, will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all in context to better diagnose your current situation. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![wrong relationship signs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/7.jpg?resize=408%2C306&ssl=1) ### **1. You’re disconnected from you** One major red flag that you are in the wrong relationship is not feeling like yourself. I’m not talking about a random case of the blues here. Instead, this sign speaks to an ongoing dynamic where the essence of *who you are* seems to have faded away. Things to look out for under this one include: - Regularly policing yourself around your mate - Not talking about how you *really* feel because you fear abandonment or the silent treatment - Regularly placing your partner’s needs above your own ### **2. You feel like a relationship spectator** Another strong indicator that you may be with the wrong person is feeling like you’re watching your relationship instead of *being* in it. Some people refer to this as being a relationship spectator If it seems like you are detached from romance and spontaneity, look for these additional signs: - You fake passion and interest during sex - The focus of your attention is on making your mate happy with little regard for your own needs - You regularly engage in activities with your partner that you don’t enjoy, believing: “relationships are about sacrifices.” ### **3. Your partner can’t tune into you** On some level, true love is empathic. In other words, the person you are destined to be with will be tuned into you. Granted, it takes time for this to happen but when it does, your mate is going to know what you are thinking and feeling – without you having to say a word. But if you are with the wrong person, the opposite is true. No matter hothw hard they try, your partner won’t be capable of making an intuitive connection. This sign often pops up for couples who hold a physical connection but lack a spiritual bond. ### **4. You regularly seek validation** Healthy relationships are empowering. Unhealthy ones are toxic. The former applies to your situation if you regularly seek out validation from your mate in order to: - Feel attractive and wanted - Make yourself feel equal - Gain permission or approval for everyday activities ### **5. Your thoughts and opinions are discounted** From time to time, it’s normal to disagree with a partner. But if your mate regularly makes you feel stupid *and/or* discounts your opinions, consider it a huge red flag you’re in the wrong relationship. Sub-indicators under this one include: - Apologizing for your opinions - Being told you are dumb or ignorant - Overriding your decisions because the other person “knows better”. ### **6. You regularly cater to your mate** The desire to make your significant other feel happy is normal. All of us want our lovers to experience pleasure, right? But if the situation is totally one sided and you are regularly catering to your mate’s every whim, you’re involved in something toxic. A helpful way of knowing what’s healthy and unhealthy on this front is to take the codependency quiz. While not scientific, it is designed to [act as a checklist](http://www.couplescounselingchicago.net/codependency-checklist-codependent/) to assess behaviors that may be chipping away at your relationship’s foundation. ### **7. You’ve lost your circle of friends** This final sign is one that is often overlooked. When you enter into a relationship, it’s only natural to spend more time with the object of your affection. But *too* much time together could be a signal that something is way off. And while there’s no cookie cutter recipe for achieving the right balance, you’ll know the scales are off when: - You no longer have a close circle of friends - The person who once served as your bestie has now become a distant memory - Your mate has problems with you spending time with another; even if that person is a lifelong friend ### **Summing Things Up** Relationships are hard to come by and even more difficult to maintain. That’s why it’s important to reflect upon your own dating history through the lens of self-compassion. Remember this – true love can’t be manufactured and it can’t be faked. Trust your instincts and listen to your heart. Only then will you know if you are in the right relationship – or the wrong one. **Categories:** Field Notes, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Love, Relationships, Romance, Spirituality --- ### [7 Lessons Bears Offer on Mindful Living](https://guycounseling.com/bears-mindful-living/) **Published:** August 13, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bears mindfulness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/bear.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Bears and Mindful Living In our fast-paced and often chaotic world, the concept of [mindful living has gained significant traction](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/). People are increasingly seeking ways to reconnect with themselves, reduce stress, and find balance amidst the daily hustle. While the practice of mindfulness draws from ancient wisdom and modern psychology, there are unexpected sources from which we can learn valuable lessons about mindful living. One such source is the bear – a majestic creature that offers profound insights into how we can lead more mindful lives. As a therapist with a deep appreciation for the [wisdom of nature](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/), I’ve found that bears embody essential principles of mindful living that can guide us on our own journeys towards greater awareness, tranquility, and fulfillment. Here are seven lessons that bears offer us in our pursuit of mindful living: ## **1. Embracing Hibernation for Renewal** Bears teach us the importance of rest and rejuvenation through their practice of hibernation. Just as bears retreat into their dens during winter, we too must acknowledge the significance of slowing down and allowing ourselves to recharge. Mindful living involves recognizing when we need a break and giving ourselves permission to rest, restoring our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. ## **2. Present in the Moment** Bears possess an acute awareness of their surroundings, a trait that helps them navigate their environment. This mindfulness in the moment reminds us to be fully present, engaging our senses in the here and now. By embracing each moment as it comes, we can cultivate gratitude and reduce the anxious burden of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. ## **3. Trusting Intuition** Bears’ heightened senses enable them to rely on their intuition to find food, avoid danger, and make important decisions. Mindful living encourages us to listen to our inner wisdom, trusting our instincts to guide us on the right path. By tuning into our intuition, we can make choices that align with our authentic selves. ## **4. Balancing Solitude and Connection** Bears are known for their solitary nature, yet they also form connections for mating and raising their young. This balance teaches us that mindful living involves both periods of solitude for self-reflection and moments of connection with others. Finding equilibrium between spending time alone and nurturing relationships is crucial for our well-being. ## **5. Adapting to Change** Throughout their lives, bears face changing seasons, landscapes, and circumstances. They teach us the importance of adaptability in our own lives. Mindful living involves acknowledging that change is inevitable and learning to respond with resilience rather than resistance. Embracing change allows us to grow and evolve, even in the face of uncertainty. This is a [mindful truth](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886911001711) throughout nature. ## **6. Listening to the Body** Bears are attuned to their bodies, knowing when to eat, sleep, and move based on their instincts. Mindful living encourages us to listen to our bodies, recognizing their signals for rest, nourishment, and movement. By paying attention to our physical sensations, we can create a harmonious relationship with our bodies and promote overall well-being. ## **7. Honoring Seasons of Life** Bears experience different phases of life – from playful cubs to wise elders. Each phase has its own lessons and purposes. Similarly, mindful living reminds us to honor the various seasons of our own lives, embracing the lessons and growth that come with each stage. This perspective encourages self-compassion and a deeper understanding of our personal journeys. ## Wrap Up Incorporating these lessons from bears into our daily lives can guide us towards a more mindful existence. By observing nature’s wisdom, we can learn to slow down, appreciate the present, trust our instincts, foster connections, adapt gracefully, tune into our bodies, and honor the ever-changing seasons of our lives. As a therapist, I encourage you to draw inspiration from these majestic creatures and weave their insights into your journey of mindful living. Just as bears navigate their world with grace and wisdom, so too can we find greater clarity and fulfillment through practicing these lessons in our own lives. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Bears, Mindfulness --- ### [7 Ways College Students Benefit From Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/college-students-counseling/) **Published:** July 22, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![university college students and counseling ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/university-students.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How counseling can help college students As a therapist with extensive experience working with [Chicago university students](https://guycounseling.com/therapist-college-students-chicago/), I have witnessed firsthand the transformative power of counseling in the lives of young adults navigating the challenges of college life. College is undoubtedly an exciting and formative time, but it also comes with its fair share of stress, anxiety, and uncertainty. Counseling provides a supportive and safe space for students to explore their thoughts, emotions, and experiences, fostering personal growth and well-being. In this article, we’ll explore seven ways college students benefit from counseling. ## 1. Managing Academic Pressure College can be academically demanding, and the pressure to excel can take a toll on students’ mental health. Counseling equips students with effective coping strategies to handle stress, time management techniques, and ways to build resilience. By addressing academic concerns in therapy, students can enhance their focus, motivation, and overall academic performance. ## 2. Developing Coping Skills Life transitions, such as moving away from home and adapting to a new environment, can be overwhelming. Counseling helps students develop healthy coping skills to navigate these changes successfully. By learning to cope with challenges, setbacks, and uncertainties, students become better equipped to face various life situations with confidence and self-assurance. ## 3. Stress and Anxiety Reduction Anxiety is prevalent among college students due to the many responsibilities they juggle – from academic commitments to social pressures. Counseling provides effective tools and techniques to [manage anxiety and stress](https://guycounseling.com/men-experience-anxiety/), empowering students to maintain a healthy balance and improve their emotional well-being. ## 4. Enhancing Interpersonal Relationships College is a time for building new relationships and friendships, but it can also be a time of conflict and social challenges. In counseling, students can explore their interpersonal dynamics, communication styles, and conflict resolution skills. This self-awareness fosters healthier connections with peers, roommates, and faculty members, enriching the overall college experience. ## 5. Addressing Mental Health Concerns College students are not immune to mental health issues, and seeking counseling can be crucial for those experiencing depression, loneliness, or other mental health conditions. Early intervention through counseling can prevent these challenges from escalating and support students in finding appropriate resources for ongoing support. ## 6. Navigating Identity and Self-Discovery The college years are a period of significant self-discovery, and counseling offers a safe space for students to explore their identity, values, and beliefs. Through this process, students gain a deeper understanding of themselves, which can lead to greater self-acceptance and confidence. ## 7. Building a Foundation for Future Success Counseling equips students with essential life skills that extend far beyond their college years. By fostering emotional intelligence, resilience, and self-awareness, students are better prepared to face challenges and thrive in their personal and professional lives after graduation. ## Wrap Up College can be a transformative time, but it’s not without its share of obstacles. Counseling offers invaluable support to students as they navigate the complexities of higher education and emerging adulthood. If you are a college student considering therapy, a great place to [consider is Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj). They offer online counseling to clients at a schedule that works for your lifestyle. You can also check out local offerings by visiting websites like Psychology Today. Through counseling, college students can develop coping skills, manage stress and anxiety, and cultivate self-awareness, all of which contribute to their personal growth and well-being. **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, College, stress --- ### [7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship with Money](https://guycounseling.com/improve-relationship-money/) **Published:** July 9, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man counting money relationship with money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/money-relationship.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What’s Your Relationship with Money? Money plays a significant role in our lives, impacting various aspects such as relationships, career choices, and personal well-being. Yet, for many men, their relationship with money can be a source of [stress, anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/men-experience-anxiety/), and even shame. As a men’s therapist, I have witnessed firsthand the emotional connection individuals develop with money. In this blog post, we will explore seven effective ways to improve your relationship with money, while delving into the influence of our parents’ financial blueprints. ## 1. Reflect on Your Emotional Connection Take a moment to reflect on your emotions and beliefs surrounding money. Acknowledge any fears, anxieties, or negative associations you may have developed over time. Understanding the emotional connection, you have with money is the first step towards transforming your relationship with it. ## 2. Challenge Negative Beliefs and Mindsets Many of our beliefs about money stem from early experiences and societal conditioning. Recognize that negative beliefs, such as “money is evil” or “I’ll never be wealthy,” can limit your financial growth. Challenge these beliefs by seeking evidence to the contrary and cultivating a positive mindset towards money. ## 3. Explore Your Financial Blueprint Our parents’ financial behaviors and attitudes often shape our own relationship with money. Reflect on the financial patterns you observed growing up. Were your parents frugal, or did they struggle with money management? By understanding these patterns, you can consciously choose to break free from any negative financial blueprints and develop healthier habits. Negative blueprints can also mean being a [money hoarder or money addict](https://guycounseling.com/money-addiction-signs/). ## 4. Practice Mindful Spending Mindful spending involves being intentional and aware of how you use your money. Before making a purchase, ask yourself whether it aligns with your values and long-term goals. Avoid impulsive spending and develop a budget that allows you to allocate resources towards what truly matters to you. ## 5. Cultivate an Abundance Mindset Adopting an abundance mindset can transform your relationship with money. Instead of focusing on scarcity, cultivate gratitude for the resources you have and believe in your ability to attract financial abundance. Recognize that money is a tool that can be used to create a fulfilling life, rather than a measure of self-worth. ## 6. Seek Financial Education Expand your financial knowledge by seeking resources and education about money management. Read books, attend seminars, or consult with financial professionals to enhance your understanding of personal finance. Empowering yourself with financial literacy equips you to make informed decisions and take control of your financial well-being. One book you may want to consider is *How to Adult: Personal Finance for the Real World* by Jake Cousineau ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3PPrmJM)). ## 7. Embrace Open Communication Money can often be a sensitive topic in relationships. Foster open and honest communication with your partner about financial goals, expectations, and concerns. Discussing money as a team allows for joint decision-making and builds a foundation of trust and shared responsibility. ## Wrap Up Improving your relationship with money is an ongoing journey that requires self-reflection, mindset shifts, and intentional action. By recognizing the emotional connection we have with money and exploring our inherited financial blueprints, we can consciously reshape our relationship with money. Through mindful spending, cultivating an abundance mindset, seeking financial education, and embracing open communication, we can build a healthier and more empowered connection with our finances. Remember, your relationship with money is within your control, and by taking proactive steps, you can pave the way for a more prosperous future. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Money, Personal Finance --- ### [10 Unique Ways Men Experience Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/men-experience-anxiety/) **Published:** May 30, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![how men experience anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/men-anxiety-man-stressed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men and Anxiety: A Closer Look **Anxiety** is a universal human experience, yet it can present itself in unique ways depending on various factors, including gender. As a therapist, I have had the privilege of working with many men who have struggled with anxiety, and I’ve noticed some distinct patterns that differentiate their experiences from those of women. **Related:** [10 ways hypnotherapy softens anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) In this post, I will shed light on ten common ways men experience anxiety differently, aiming to foster understanding and promote mental health support for men. Keep in mind the insights shared here are not meant to paint with a wide brush. In other words, I understand all of us are different and that we experience anxiety (and other emotions) in unique ways. Think of what follows as simply things I have noticed. Let’s jump right in! ## 1. Stoicism and Emotional Suppression Society often perpetuates the idea that [men should be stoic](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/ecc.13097) and suppress their emotions. Consequently, many men feel pressure to conceal their anxiety and fears, often fearing that expressing vulnerability may be perceived as weakness. As a result, they may internalize their anxiety, leading to increased emotional distress. ## 2. Physical Symptoms and Somatic Complaints Men may be more inclined to experience physical symptoms as a manifestation of their anxiety. These can range from muscle tension, headaches, and stomachaches to fatigue and changes in appetite or sleep patterns. These somatic complaints may sometimes overshadow the underlying emotional distress. ## 3. Agitation and Irritability Anxiety can frequently manifest as agitation, restlessness, and irritability in men. Rather than openly expressing anxiety, they may exhibit signs of frustration, becoming short-tempered or easily agitated. These emotional reactions may serve as an outlet for their inner turmoil. ## 4. Risk-Taking Behaviors Men may engage in risk-taking behaviors as a means to cope with their anxiety. Whether it’s excessive work hours, reckless driving, substance abuse, or thrill-seeking activities, these behaviors can temporarily distract them from their anxious thoughts and provide a false sense of control. ## 5. Social Isolation Some men tend to withdraw socially when experiencing anxiety. Rather than seeking support, they may isolate themselves, preferring solitude as a means to manage their anxious thoughts and feelings. This self-imposed isolation can exacerbate their anxiety and hinder their ability to seek help. ![Stoicism and men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Marcus-Aurelius.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Stoicism is big with men ## 6. Overemphasis on Performance Men often experience pressure to perform and succeed in various aspects of life. Anxiety can intensify when they perceive themselves falling short of expectations, whether it’s in their careers, relationships, or personal goals. The fear of failure can be a significant source of anxiety for many men. ## 7. Externalizing Anxiety through Anger Men may be more prone to externalize their anxiety by [expressing it as anger](https://guycounseling.com/anger-sickness-aging-591/). Instead of acknowledging and addressing their anxious feelings, they may redirect them outwardly, resulting in heated arguments, aggressive behavior, or explosive outbursts. This externalization can be an unconscious attempt to regain a sense of control. ## 8. Reluctance to Seek Help Due to societal norms and stigma surrounding mental health, men may hesitate to seek professional help for their anxiety. Fear of judgment, concerns about appearing weak, or a belief that they should handle their problems independently can hinder their willingness to reach out for support. ## 9. Distraction and Avoidance Men may utilize distractions and avoidance strategies to cope with their anxiety. Engaging in excessive work, excessive exercise, or becoming absorbed in hobbies or technology can serve as temporary relief from anxious thoughts. However, this avoidance behavior may perpetuate the underlying anxiety in the long run. ## 10. Limited Emotional Vocabulary Some men may struggle to articulate and label their emotions accurately, including anxiety. They might find it challenging to identify and communicate their feelings, leading to a sense of confusion and frustration. This limitation in emotional vocabulary can hinder their ability to seek appropriate help and support. ## Wrap Up Understanding the unique ways in which men experience anxiety is crucial for promoting mental health and well-being. By recognizing these differences, we can challenge societal expectations, reduce stigma, and create an environment where men feel comfortable seeking help and support. It is essential to create spaces that encourage open conversations about mental health, where men can express their anxieties without fear of judgment or ridicule. As therapists, we play a vital role in supporting men through their anxiety. By tailoring our approaches to address their unique experiences, we can foster a sense of safety and trust in the therapeutic relationship. Encouraging emotional expression, providing tools for effective communication, and promoting healthy coping mechanisms are key elements of therapy for men with anxiety. Additionally, destigmatizing mental health concerns and raising awareness about the prevalence of anxiety among men can make a significant impact. Education, both within the therapeutic setting and in the broader community, can help challenge societal norms and promote understanding and empathy. Ultimately, by acknowledging and addressing the distinct ways in which men experience anxiety, we can help them navigate their emotional well-being more effectively. Providing men with the tools, support, and encouragement to express and manage their anxieties can lead to healthier coping strategies, stronger emotional connections, and improved overall mental health. If you or someone you know is experiencing anxiety, it is crucial to seek professional help. [Qualified therapists](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj) can provide guidance and support tailored to individual needs, helping to alleviate anxiety symptoms and promote long-term well-being. Remember, you are not alone, and seeking help is a sign of strength. Together, we can create a world where men feel empowered to address their anxiety, fostering a healthier and more resilient society for everyone. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Men, Mood --- ### [7 Day Plan To Improve Non-Verbal Communication Skills](https://guycounseling.com/improve-non-verbal-skills/) **Published:** March 26, 2023 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/non-verbal-communication.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Improve Non-Verbal Communications](#Improve_Non-Verbal_Communications) - [The 55/38/7 Formula](#The_55387_Formula) - [The Importance of Non-Verbal Communication](#The_Importance_of_Non-Verbal_Communication) - [Day One: Make Eye Contact](#Day_One_Make_Eye_Contact) - [Day Two: Use Facial Expressions](#Day_Two_Use_Facial_Expressions) - [Day Three: Use Body Language](#Day_Three_Use_Body_Language) - [Day Four: Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues from Others](#Day_Four_Pay_Attention_to_Nonverbal_Cues_from_Others) - [Day Five: Use Proxemics](#Day_Five_Use_Proxemics) - [Day Six: Use Chronemics to Adjust Your Timing](#Day_Six_Use_Chronemics_to_Adjust_Your_Timing) - [Day Seven: Be More Aware of the Audience.](#Day_Seven_Be_More_Aware_of_the_Audience) - [Putting it All Together](#Putting_it_All_Together) ## Improve Non-Verbal Communications You’ve probably heard people say, “it’s not what you say but how you say it.” They’re talking about [non-verbal communication](https://ejurnal.teknokrat.ac.id/index.php/JoRLE/article/view/923) and it’s one of the most important skills you can have as a man. Nonverbal communication is communication without words. It includes facial expressions, gestures, posture, and tone of voice. Nonverbal communication is often more important than verbal communication, because it can reveal a person’s true feelings and intentions. For example, if a person is verbally expressing that they’re happy, but their facial expression is sad, wouldn’t you believe the facial expression over the words? How much of communication is non-verbal? ## The 55/38/7 Formula Experts believe that 90% of communication is non-verbal. A body language researcher named Albert Mehrabian looked at face-to-face communication and determined that only 7% of communication dealt with actual words. About 38% was vocal inflections and the remaining 55% was nonverbal. He found that people’s true intentions aligned more with their nonverbal cues than their spoken words. ## The Importance of Non-Verbal Communication In a world where so much communication takes place electronically, it’s easy to forget the importance of face-to-face interaction. But the truth is, nonverbal communication plays a vital role in our everyday lives. It’s the glue that holds together society and it can fuel your ambitions, desires, and dreams. Nonverbal communication is an important tool to master in both your personal and professional life. From the way we dress and groom ourselves to the way we stand and interact with others, we are constantly sending out nonverbal cues that can influence the way that we are perceived. And in a business setting, first impressions are everything. **Related:** [Touch deprivation explored](https://guycounseling.com/touch-deprivation/) By taking the time to learn more about it, you can start to use the spaces in between your words to your advantage. Learning to read and interpret nonverbal communication can help you better understand the people you interact with on a daily basis. It can also provide insights into how you are coming across to others. - Are you projecting confidence or insecurity? - Are you appearing approachable or aloof? - Can you trust someone enough to seal the deal? - Can you tell if someone is lying just by the way they looked at you? Being able to answer these questions could make a big difference in your life. It’s our hope that you can become a master of nonverbal communication and that’s why we put together this seven day booster. Obviously, you can’t do this alone. It’s about communication. So, try out these seven techniques with friends, family and co-workers throughout the week. ## ![manager vs leader](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1)Day One: Make Eye Contact When you are talking to someone, make sure to maintain eye contact. This shows that you are interested in what they are saying and that you are paying attention. Avoid looking around the room or at your phone while the other person is talking. This can get a bit creepy so don’t overdo it. Be sure to provide safe pauses in the conversation by breaking that stare. You’re not a vampire, after all. Just be attentive when someone is speaking to you and let them know that you’re totally dialed into the conversation. ## Day Two: Use Facial Expressions Facial expressions can convey a lot of meaning and can help to emphasize what you are saying. Make sure your face is expressing the emotions that you want to convey. This is all about the consistency of your message, making sure that there’s agreement there. You can try nodding your head slowly or pinching your eyebrows together to show intensity. Another technique is the slowly spreading smile. Start with a warm grin that gradually blooms into a full-blown smile. This indicates that someone’s positive message has been fully received, analyzed and reciprocated. ## Day Three: Use Body Language Kinesis is the way that you move your body, and you can use this to convey different meanings. Your body language can give clues about how you are feeling and what you are thinking. So, be aware of your body language and use it to communicate your feelings and thoughts. You can project a sense of calm by slowing down your movements and folding your hands. You can create a sense of urgency by leaning forward and pointing things out to direct someone’s attention toward an object or goal. Try to avoid crossing your arms when you speak because this is a closed-off posture that can indicate you’re hiding something or that you don’t want the conversation to go any further. **Related:** [How to recognize your feelings](https://guycounseling.com/recognizing-your-emotions-feelings/) ## Day Four: Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues from Others Nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions, can give you lots of information about how the other person is feeling. Pay attention to these cues to better understand the conversation. This is your time to observe the body language of others. Try out what you’ve learned so far and see if you can spot the subtle clues of nonverbal communication. You should ask lots of questions on this day. If someone gives you a signal that they’re not pleased with something that you said, be sure to ask them about it to get a confirmation. If someone seems eager to jump into the conversation, ask them if there’s something on their mind. You should start to see patterns and correlations between nonverbal cues and the responses that you get from questions. ## Day Five: Use Proxemics Proxemics is the study of how people use space to communicate. Be aware of how close you are standing to the other person and use this to convey your feelings. For example, standing closer to someone can show that you are interested in them or that you are feeling intimate. Standing a bit far off opens up the space for them to express themselves more freely. This is a huge part of nonverbal communication. Some people use proxemics to mark their territory and dominate conversations. This can be off-putting in a professional setting, especially for female co-workers, introverts, or people that feel vulnerable. So, be mindful of the way you communicate with space. ## Day Six: Use Chronemics to Adjust Your Timing Have you ever talked with someone who just blurted out everything too fast or took forever to get their point across? Some people just aren’t good with chronemics. That’s how we use time to convey meaning. Comedians are masters of timing. They use chronemics to set up punchlines and control the pacing of their jokes. You can use these same techniques to become a better communicator, as well. In a professional setting, time is vitally important. So, you need to be mindful of how long it takes you to communicate. Speak slowly when the message is especially important and needs clarity. Speak swiftly when the message is important but requires a sense of urgency. ## Day Seven: Be More Aware of the Audience. There are so many different ways that people communicate and the best communicators consider the audience first and foremost. Nonverbal communication can vary greatly from culture to culture and person to person. You should spend this day increasing your awareness of these differences and make adjustments to your communication accordingly. The most important thing to express in this regard is authenticity. You should never try to codeswitch or fake your way into someone’s comfort zone. Focus on the message that you want to convey and try to represent that message in a way that is genuine and true to your personality. Conversely, you should always receive someone else’s message with open-mindedness and consideration of their perspective. ## Putting it All Together Each day in this booster guide for nonverbal communication provides you with a small piece of the puzzle. You have to put the pieces together to become a more effective communicator. Just go with the flow and use different techniques to see which ones resonate with your personal communication style. There are also more ways to become a better communicator. Nonverbal communication can include the cologne or perfume that you wear or the way in which you attract others. Just the way in which you draw attention to yourself is a powerful message about who you are. So, feel free to go beyond the techniques in this guide to max out your potential. Have you already tried some of these nonverbal communication techniques? We’d love to know how they’re working for you. Shoot us an email or comment below to share your progress. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Body Language, Communication --- ### [How to Let Go of Deep Moral Shame](https://guycounseling.com/let-go-of-deep-moral-shame/) **Published:** January 19, 2023 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![letting go of shame](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/man-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Releasing Moral Shame The feeling of shame can be difficult to bear, especially since it is an emotion that we tend to hide. Men and women deal with moral shame in different ways and it’s important to understand why men experience moral [shame](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1525/si.2003.26.2.239) and explore unique ways for men to reconcile one of their most challenging emotional states. If you hold yourself to an unobtainable moral standard, then you’re bound to confront this challenge at some point in your life.  It can lead to anxiety, PTSD, depression, and even suicidality. ## When Does a Man Feel Moral Shame? The feeling of shame for men is complex and multi-faceted. Some men struggle to recover from what’s called a moral injury. That could mean you’ve done something or said something that deeply conflicts with who you believe you are as a person. You might feel moral shame when you’re a member of a marginalized group like the LGBTQ community, but it can also happen when you’re simply affiliated with what society deems as “the wrong crowd”. You might feel that you are unworthy of the high standing that others place on you and that can lead to a sense of self-loathing. Shame is an emotion that you might feel when you don’t like your body, your personality, your family, or your job, especially if any of these things conflict with the ideal version of yourself that you have in your mind. **Related:** [Daily things you can do for PTSD](https://guycounseling.com/ptsd-coping-strategies/) Moral shame happens to soldiers. It happens to politicians. It happens to police officers. It happens to athletes. It happens to prominent religious figures. It happens to business leaders. If you notice the trend here, it happens to men who must implicitly inhabit a moral space to function or men who feel the weight of outside expectations that conflict with who they really are. What most people don’t realize is that moral injuries and shame can happen to anyone and everyone. Shame is an emotion that is deeply connected to our place in society. Its foundation is the pre-conceived notion of how we’re supposed to behave and that is based on our upbringing and enculturation. Moral shame is related to feelings of pride, embarrassment, and guilt. It is predominantly a negative emotion. ## Can Moral Shame Be Positive? There is a flip side to moral shame that can be seen as positive. It too relies on ingrained beliefs about what’s considered right and wrong. For example, if you commit a heinous crime, then you should feel a certain level of moral shame. Like an internal compass, our sense of shame helps to steer us away from actions, thoughts, and beliefs that would endanger ourselves and others. It is meant to act as a safeguard against disrespecting the right for everyone to have equal footing and the right to be uninfringed by others’ actions and beliefs. **Related:** [What makes a person bi?](https://guycounseling.com/bisexual-science-924/) After all, shamelessness is a dangerous quality that fails to recognize other viewpoints and our own importance in society. In a nutshell, that’s the practical purpose of moral shame. However, shame is not required to respect others. The positive benefits of moral shame are very limited in today’s society. We are currently living through a witch hunt season where people are publicly shamed for the pleasure and entertainment of the mob. The more famous the offender, the more virulent the public attacks on social media. It’s gotten to the point where some people are unwilling to voice their genuine thoughts and represent themselves in a genuine way in the public forum for fear of backlash that could lead to a loss of employment, public humiliation, and ostracization. ## ![leo sun sign traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/leo-sun-signs.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Releasing Shame Around Self-Expectations Moral shame is closely related to how we represent ourselves and how we view our own moral character against the ideals and values that we hold dear. If you feel this type of moral shame, then it’s imperative that you widen the parameters of how you see yourself. You are not the actions or thoughts that led to you feeling moral shame. You are a whole being that is so much greater than that. If you want to let go of deep moral shame, then you must be willing to embrace your own greatness. This can be difficult if you’re feeling depressed. You might just want to stay in bed, retreat from social engagements, and totally shut down. Yet, this only makes your feelings of shame worse. It validates shame instead of alleviating it. What you need to do is redirect your focus toward positive aspects of your life. See the event that produced your sense of shame as a small moment, as a small blip on the radar in your greater story, which is still being written. ## How to Let Go of Moral Shame About Your Body Men can be perfectionists about their body. Yet, it’s important to realize that you are more than your physical image, and there’s no need to feel ashamed about your body. If you suffer from body shame, also known as body dysmorphia, then you probably place too much importance on your physical appearance. You might think your nose is too big or that your chest is too small. Body dysmorphia not only distorts your perception of your self-image, but it makes you believe that other people are fixated on that flaw, too. It’s important to understand that what you perceive as a flaw could in fact just be a unique feature of your body. In fact, others might appreciate your unique features more than you think. Also, it’s important to focus on what you can change and what you cannot change. You might be able to build a better physique or have a surgical procedure to create the body image that you desire. However, you should never place too much importance on your physical image to the extent that it becomes an obsession. You’ll never let go of shame if you constantly focus on what you perceive as a physical shortcoming. ## How to Let Go of Deep Moral Shame When You’ve Been Sexually Victimized Men who have been the victims of sexual assault or rape can feel a deep sense of shame. It hinges on the expectations of men to be strong, powerful, ad capable of protecting themselves. You might obsess over what you should’ve done or how you could’ve saved yourself. Nobody wants to feel powerless or victimized. So, the feeling of moral shame arises as a way to take back your power. By accepting that this was all your fault, your mind says that *you weren’t really powerless against your aggressor. In fact, it was just something that you did that brought this whole thing about.* That can lead to intense feelings of moral shame on your part. Yet, you have to realize that taking responsibility and blaming yourself does not reduce the damaging effects of being sexually victimized. You’re only causing further injury to yourself. You should seek professional help by talking to a counsellor. This can help you resolve the emotional and mental trauma that you’re feeling. You should also report the crime to the authorities. This is the proper way to take back your power, not by blaming yourself. ## Letting Go of Moral Shame and Sexual Orientation Some men feel deep moral shame about their sexuality when they are curious, having questions about their sexuality, or identify as bisexual. This happens when your desires and needs create a moral conflict inside of you. The values and expectations that you’ve become accustomed to are at odds with an emerging aspect of your nature. It might be helpful for you to realize that millions of American men share your same desires and needs. You should also challenge the preconceived notions of why you feel that your desires are somehow wrong. Is it because of what you were taught? Is it because of what you think others might think? If the answers to these questions are “yes”, then you should explore the redefinition of your own principles. You should start placing greater value on your own perceptions and values. Accept that these ideas can evolve over time. It can also be helpful to speak with someone who was once where you are, a man who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ community, or a support worker in the LGBTQ community. They can help you to reframe your ideas about what it means to be gay or at least answer some of your questions about the gay community. Simply having a way to express yourself can protect you from feeling moral shame about being bisexual, gay, or questioning your sexuality. ## How to Let Go of Shame When You Fail to Live Up to Others’ Ideals About You One of the worst feelings a man can have is when someone looks up to you as a moral authority, yet you feel unworthy of the position inside your heart. Oh, the sting of being called a “hero” when you feel like a villain inside. It can truly rot your emotional wellbeing when the world puts you on a pedestal and you don’t feel worthy of the position. The moral shame and guilt of this nature can lead to intense depressive episodes and even suicidality. It creates such a serious conflict inside of you as you struggle to keep up appearances and meet the standards that others have about you. It only takes one tiny pebble to shatter that glass house and send you into profound moral shame. This happens to athletes, politicians, and other men of high social standing all the time, but it can also happen to anybody who leads a double life or maintains a public image that doesn’t equate to their actual persona. If you feel that this type of moral shame resonates with you, then you need to slowly and methodically peel away the veneer of your public image. Do it yourself before something that you can’t control brings down the façade. Start by doing some self-disclosure. Level the playing field by reminding the people around you that you’re just like them and you suffer from the same struggles as everybody else. If you can’t let your colleagues peer into your personal life, then seek out a good counsellor who you can speak candidly with about the moral conflict going on inside of you. Ultimately, you need to gently take yourself down from the pedestal before you suffer a catastrophic fall of character. ## ![reprogram anxious brain mind](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/man-calm-anxiety-nature.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How to Let Go of Shame When You Fail to Live Up to Social Norms First and foremost, you don’t have to define yourself by the values of others. There are so many other viewpoints, ideas, and lifestyle choices in the world. So, in order to let go of deep moral shame that is based on societal norms, you need to expand your boundaries. Try to understand that you don’t have to be a victim of other peoples’ judgment or prejudice. There are so many people who have different viewpoints about what is considered “normal”. In fact, it’s ***not*** normal to hold onto moral shame until it becomes a toxic emotion inside of you. Your self-esteem will always hold greater value than your public esteem. Make sure that you accept yourself and then you can set the parameters of how you want society to accept you. Social norms evolve and change. So, it does no good to conform to an old paradigm of values that no longer serve in our society. As mentioned earlier, you don’t have to feel moral shame to be a good person. To let go of moral shame that is tied to social norms, you need to strengthen your own set of values. When armed with a strong set of personal values that you uphold, the so-called norms of society hold less power over you. ## Letting Go of Moral Shame Looks Like This Moral shame is a complex emotion that provides a natural incentive for conforming to societal norms and deeply ingrained values. Yet, it can totally take away your ability to function in society when your own needs and desires conflict with what society deems acceptable or what your ideals say is acceptable. The problem is that there’s no guidebook for when moral shame is appropriate. It’s an emotion and therefore it arises when you feel it, not necessarily when it’s useful. To avoid moral shame, you might need to reframe your self-image. The key to letting go of deep moral shame is adjusting the expectation of how you “should” respond, how you “should” feel, or how you “should” behave in response to something that has happened to you or in response to who you are as a person. You have to realize that you are greater than the expectation. You have to realize that you do have the power within you to redefine, to reshape the narrative about yourself. The thing that is making you feel ashamed does not define you. At any moment in time, you can adjust the definition of yourself. That’s the beauty of being a human being – you’re ever-changing and evolving. Don’t let moral shame hinder your growth as a person. If you feel that you’re battling with moral shame, then reach out to a counsellor, mental health professional, or even just a friend that you trust. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Depression, Shame --- ### [Does Blazing Saddles Body Wash Smell Manly?](https://guycounseling.com/blazing-saddles-body-wash/) **Published:** January 1, 2023 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![manly body wash](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/man-shower-body-wash-manly.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Man showering: Photo by John Fornander on Unsplash ## Review Blazing Saddles Body Wash Recently, I found myself in the market for a new body wash after running out of my regular brand. Feeling adventurous, I decided to check out a product by Outlaw Soaps called *Blazing Saddles*. After using this body wash for a month, I decided it was time to write a review. What follows is my unvarnished experience of this soap with an honest rundown of the pros and cons. ## Masculine Scent Needed One of the reasons I decided to check out this soap was that I wanted something masculine. Don’t get me wrong – I like some of the other body washes I had been using, but many of them had a strong flowery or citrus scent. Related: Best body washes for men revealed Additionally, I was looking for something long-lasting. Because I work out each morning, I must use a product that can keep me fresh smelling the entire day. That’s why when I heard about Blazing Saddles from a friend, I figured I’d give it a try. That’s when I headed over to Amazon to buy a bottle ([see Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/3CgwA9S)). I’m going to tell you a little secret. Not long ago, I had an embarrassing experience where I found myself in an intimate situation. During a moment of closeness, the person I was with negatively commented on my body odor. **Talk about embarrassing.** I mention this because the soap I had been using contained jasmine and let me tell you – it did not gel well with my body chemistry. It was then and there that I decided the next wash I used would have something manly in it, like leather or sagebrush. At any rate, now that you have some background, let’s move on to the review. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B07257BZNL&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=guycounseling-20&language=en_US)](https://www.amazon.com/Blazing-Saddles-Natural-Body-Wash/dp/B07257BZNL?crid=2TXIZNDY8Z8FI&keywords=outlaw+soaps&qid=1672598765&sprefix=outlaw+soaps%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-9&linkCode=li3&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=30be4c916bc727e667b485f4db6cf26c&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_il)![](https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&language=en_US&l=li3&o=1&a=B07257BZNL) ## Blazing Saddles Body Wash Review As mentioned previously, I bought this product online via Amazon because I couldn’t find it at my local drugstore or supermarket. While this was somewhat inconvenient, I do have to say it was well worth it. When the box was delivered to my home, I opened it up and found a brown, 8-ounce bottle inside. The pump was attached, requiring me only to twist it clockwise so that soap was dispensed. Curious about the scent, I decided to squirt out a tiny amount on my finger. What I found was a really cool combination swirl of smells. - Leather - Gunpowder - Sandalwood - Sagebrush If you have ever been to a campfire, you know the scent it can throw off. Well, that’s what Blazing Saddles smells like. It’s just very manly. Once I was done sniffing the gel, I turned the pump counterclockwise and placed it into a quart-size baggie that holds my other grooming products. That same baggie then gets put into my gym bag and used right after working out. And so, the next day, I used the product after a grueling chest and biceps day. ## Applying the Body Wash Once I was in the shower, I pumped out a small amount onto my palm and lathered it up with the other. I quickly found out that a little bit goes a LONG way. Starting with my face and working my way downwards, I applied the soap everywhere. I was surprised at how silky this product was. Honestly, it felt amazing. While I can’t be sure, I think I used about four pumps total? And with that little amount, I found the liquid gel transformed into a lathery confection that adequately cleaned my body. Upon stepping out of the shower and drying myself off, I could immediately feel how soft my skin had become. I’m not sure why this is, but it may have something to do with the manufacturer using only natural ingredients. This is not to say I didn’t apply a moisturizer. I did. But I will say that my skin didn’t feel harsh or dry after a shower. **Related:** [Best grooming habits for men](https://guycounseling.com/grooming-habits-attractive-men/) ## After Showering So, many hours after the shower, I still felt fresh and clean. Additionally, my skin remained soft for the remainder of the day. I think what clinched the deal for me with this body wash were the compliments I received. A girl at the Starbucks I visit asked me if I was wearing a cologne. When I told her it was a new body wash, she straight-up said it was awesome. Later, a friend of mine I was playing pool with said I smelled like I had been camping. When I told him about the Blazing Saddles soap, he asked where he could buy it. To me, that’s kind of a compliment, don’t you think? ## Is It Worth The Money? So, is Outlaw’s Blazing Saddles worth the money? Does it make you smell manly? All I can tell you is that since using this product, I’ve been very pleased. The price point feels comparable to mainstream body washes marketed towards men, but the ingredients feel less commercial and less chemical. Additionally, I just think there’s something about the soap that works well with my chemistry. I’ve noticed when I put on my favorite cologne, Paco Rabanne, the scents don’t conflict. **Related:** [The best men’s aftershaves](https://guycounseling.com/best-smelling-aftershave-men/) So, should you buy this body wash? I’ll leave the decision to you. My experience has been nothing but positive and I plan on purchasing a new bottle when this one is used up. **Do you use a men’s body wash? If so, what do you look for in the product? Any recommendations?** **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News, Reviews **Tags:** Affiliate, Body Wash, Manly --- ### [Best Smelling Aftershave Choices for Men](https://guycounseling.com/best-smelling-aftershave-men/) **Published:** December 22, 2022 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** *The Guy Counseling editorial team regularly researches & reviews the top gear, products and staples for life. Guy Counseling may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. Guy Counseling is an Amazon Associate.* ![mens aftershave](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/mens-aftershave.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Best men’s aftershave Table of Contents Toggle - [Best Smelling Aftershaves Revealed](#Best_Smelling_Aftershaves_Revealed) - [Why Should You Use an Aftershave?](#Why_Should_You_Use_an_Aftershave) - [Aftershave or Cologne?](#Aftershave_or_Cologne) - [How to Choose the Right Aftershave?](#How_to_Choose_the_Right_Aftershave) - [Amazon’s Top Aftershaves for Men](#Amazons_Top_Aftershaves_for_Men) - [Best Smelling Budget Aftershaves](#Best_Smelling_Budget_Aftershaves) - [Old Spice Aftershave](#Old_Spice_Aftershave) - [Best Smelling Aftershaves for Young Guys](#Best_Smelling_Aftershaves_for_Young_Guys) - [L’eau De Issey](#Leau_De_Issey) - [Dior Sauvage Aftershave Balm](#Dior_Sauvage_Aftershave_Balm) - [Hugo Boss Aftershave Balm](#Hugo_Boss_Aftershave_Balm) - [Best Smelling Aftershaves for Traditional, Masculine Men](#Best_Smelling_Aftershaves_for_Traditional_Masculine_Men) - [The Art of Shaving Oud After Shave Balm](#The_Art_of_Shaving_Oud_After_Shave_Balm) - [Midnight and Two “The Study” After Shave Balm](#Midnight_and_Two_%E2%80%9CThe_Study%E2%80%9D_After_Shave_Balm) - [Ogallala Bay Rum Aftershave](#Ogallala_Bay_Rum_Aftershave) - [Summary](#Summary) ## Best Smelling Aftershaves Revealed The **Best Men’s Aftershave Fragrances**. Are you searching for the best smelling aftershave for men? Are the sheer volume of choices making your head spin? Well, we wanted to take some of the guesswork out of selecting the right aftershave. You see, the scent of an aftershave can either compliment your body’s natural aroma or totally distort whatever fragrance combination you were going for.  The truth is – most men don’t know how to choose the best smelling aftershave. Do we splash it on heavy or dab it on lightly like perfume? Do we choose a splash, or a lotion, or a balm? Does it need to smell fruity and fresh or more masculine and traditional? Selecting the right aftershave can be more difficult than you think. You might find a product that is perfectly designed for your skin type and has natural ingredients, but the scent is all wrong for your body. It could also be the other way around – the fragrance is top-notch but it only comes in an oily lotion. Luckily, you have this guide to help you make a smart decision on which aftershave is best for you. We’ll break it down for you and after reading this guide you’ll have all the tools you need to make the right choice. **What You’ll Find in this Guide** - Why Should You Use an Aftershave - Aftershave or Cologne? - How to Choose the Right Aftershave - Amazon’s Top Aftershaves for Men - Best Smelling Budget Aftershave Choices - Best Smelling Aftershave Choices for Young Guys - Best Smelling Aftershaves for Traditional, Masculine Men ## ![men's cologne bottle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cologne-bottle.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why Should You Use an Aftershave? *Notice: The Guy Counseling editorial team regularly researches & reviews the top gear, products and staples for life. Men’s Variety may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. The links are independently placed by our writers and do not influence editorial content. We are affiliated with Amazon Associates.* It’s important to note that the main purpose for using an aftershave is not to smell good. You should use an aftershave under a very specific circumstance – mainly, after shaving. Your aftershave is applied after shaving for two reasons: Firstly, to clean and close your pores so that you experience less irritation and ingrown hairs. Secondly, aftershave is used to cool and moisturize your skin. Choosing the best smelling aftershave is an added benefit, but sometimes guys place scent as the number one factor for choosing an aftershave. It’s not our fault; that’s how aftershaves are marketed to us. Retailers don’t have much confidence in our ability to discern whether or not an aftershave contains the right blend of astringents and moisturizers. So, they try to just sell us on a few taglines about how masculine it is or how fresh it smells. Ultimately, you should choose one that fits within your budget, caters to your skin type, and has a scent palette that fits your personality. [What is men’s aftershave – see post to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/) ## Aftershave or Cologne? It’s important to mention that aftershave and cologne are not the same thing. They don’t serve the same purpose. An aftershave serves a utilitarian purpose in the skincare bracket. Colognes exist within a wider range of perfumes. Their sole purpose is fragrance. You should never use a perfume or cologne in place of an aftershave. An alcohol-based cologne or spray can rob your skin of moisture. Also, placing cologne on your face isn’t the best region to apply cologne. Stick with your pulse points – behind the ears, your neck, and wrists. Aftershave can however replace your cologne in certain circumstances. We’ll get into that in more detail later. Aftershaves have different intensities of fragrance. If you only want a scent to last for a couple of hours, then an aftershave might be all you need. ## How to Choose the Right Aftershave? Well, you’ve decided to pick up an aftershave. That’s great, but now you’re scratching your head because there’s sprays, lotions, balms, and all sorts of products to choose from. How do you choose the right aftershave, by opening the cap and smelling them? Well, that’s part of it. The first type of aftershave is a liquid splash. The main purpose of this aftershave is to apply some sort of astringent to your skin. This will help clean out any nicks or cuts from shaving. You might notice that these aftershaves tend to burn a bit. That’s because they usually contain alcohol. Then, there are aftershave balms. Most aftershave balms don’t contain alcohol. Where an aftershave spray focused on cleaning your face. An aftershave balm focuses on moisturizing your skin. It can contain essential oils or creams. Aftershave lotion is a step in-between the splashes and balms. Aftershave lotions might contain some alcohol, but the ingredients are completely up to the designer. You need to pay close attention to an aftershave lotion because it can leave your skin feeling oily. Some aftershaves have long-lasting scents that can conflict with any other cologne that you wear. It can totally distort your aroma palette if you’re not careful. One thing you can do is to pair up your aftershave and your perfume. Sometimes, they come together in a convenient set. This way, your aftershave and cologne are complimentary. ## Amazon’s Top Aftershaves for Men On Amazon, the top 3 best-selling products in men’s aftershave aren’t even specifically for men. They’re for women. That’s right, women’s aftershave is a top seller. That makes sense when you factor in how many women shave their legs and other body parts on a regular basis. The marketing slant for these products are the prevention of irritation, razor bumps, and ingrown hairs. When you look at the ingredients of these products, they don’t contain anything especially fragrant. If you’re not particular on how an aftershave smells, then check out these top-rated aftershaves. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00BVO6RT2&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00BVO6RT2/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00BVO6RT2&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=ac2a3c8026defc28ab5c737eeaf1c9d0)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00BVO6RT2)This product is aimed at preventing and easing irritation in sensitive areas or for people with sensitive skin. Although it can be used by men and women, it is specifically marketed toward women. So, keep this in mind when it comes to fragrance. Women tend to rely less on their aftershave for a fragrance. So, this product has a clean, chemical aroma. This product is an alcohol-based splash. So, imagine opening a bottle of rubbing alcohol and taking a whiff. Now, you know how the Tend Skin Women’s Aftershave smells. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B07YN7ZRQJ&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B07YN7ZRQJ/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B07YN7ZRQJ&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=3beb2ac5d22917faa77a7d59515fe4f8)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B07YN7ZRQJ)The second highest-rated aftershave for men is the Evagloss Razor Bumps Solution. Again, here is a splash-type product that is aimed at preventing and soothing irritated skin. It has a roll-on applicator that implies that this product is meant for sensitive areas such as the bikini line and underarm. This is another alcohol-based product that can dry out your skin. However, there are some interesting ingredients such as cinnamomum camphora, camphor leaf oil, salix alba, and willow bark extract.  The result is a mild, old school barbershop aroma that does not leave you smelling like a hospital bay. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00PDDG1TS&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00PDDG1TS/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00PDDG1TS&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=572de8171eec0a47c51adda244f5217b)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00PDDG1TS)The highest-rated aftershave on Amazon specifically for men is this aftershave balm from NIVEA MEN. It’s the ideal choice for men who don’t rely on their aftershave balm as their sole source of fragrance. If you use a cologne that has a distinct aroma, then this product won’t conflict with your existing aroma palette. This isn’t an expensive aftershave, but it ticks all the right boxes for most men. It’s non-alcohol based and contains Vitamin E, chamomile and witch hazel extracts. The aroma is creamy (if that makes any sense), floral and mild. ## Best Smelling Budget Aftershaves You don’t have to spend lots of money on expensive aftershaves. The price tag is not an indicator of how good an aftershave smells or how well it protects your skin. In fact, every man should have two to three different aftershaves. There’s an aftershave for important events and then there are aftershaves for everyday usage. You don’t need Christian Dior for your Monday morning workday. What you need is an aftershave that carries a mild, fresh scent and some extra perks to protect your skin from irritation and dryness. L’Oreal Paris Skincare Men Expert Hydra Energetic Aftershave Balm for Men. One of the great things about this aftershave balm is that you can find it in just about any corner shop pharmacy in the country. It also comes with a sweet price tag, SPF 15 sunscreen, vitamin E and 3.3 fl. oz. of volume. It’s a bona fide skincare product, fellas. So, if you’re new to men’s skincare, this could be the place to start. Now, let’s talk about the fragrance. This aftershave balm has a light, sporty scent. It contains peppermint leaf extract and other fragrances that produce a minty, fresh vibe. It kind of smells like toothpaste. That’s not a bad thing when you consider all the other beneficial elements to this product. Proraso Aftershave Lotion, Refreshing and Toning After you shave, your skin needs to be disinfected and rehydrated. It’s a simple procedure that barber shops have been doing for a hundred years. The Proraso Aftershave Lotion, Refreshing and Toning keeps that tradition alive by putting forth such a quality product at a low price. This aftershave lotion is made in Italy with almost 100% natural ingredients. It has eucalyptus, witch hazel and menthol. The aroma is fresh, clean and minty. If you’re a daily shaver, then you’ll never get tired of this refreshing fragrance. ## Old Spice Aftershave This is a brand that is easy to recognize as one of the top choices in men’s fragrance. It’s truly a classic. The aftershave that Old Spice has available is based on their classic fragrance that was first created back in the 1940s. The base notes of Old Spice aftershave are spicy. You get this smell of whiskey and leather right away when you rub it into your skin. Then, something interesting happens. A second wave of fragrance splashes onto the scene. There’s hints of lemon, orange, and nutmeg, too. This is a nuanced fragrance that can easily become your signature. [See our Old Spice Body Wash product review](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-exfoliate-charcoal-review/). ## Best Smelling Aftershaves for Young Guys Lots of young guys stay away from aftershaves because they don’t want to smell like an old man. Their concept of an aftershave might be skewed by what’s presented on the market. Let’s face it – some aftershaves don’t have a scent palette that caters to men between the ages of 18 and 30. For these young guys, there are a few excellent aftershaves that blow away old conventions. These designer fragrances bend gender norms, introduce new ingredient combinations, and often exchange heavy spices for light and fruity notes. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B0020MMBLM&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B0020MMBLM/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0020MMBLM&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=b4a68520f5ebb703ca1af645f362e740)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0020MMBLM) ## L’eau De Issey L’eau De Issey is a popular fragrance for young men. It works well in the spring and summer months when you can get out in the sun. L’eau De Issey challenges the idea of what a man’s supposed to smell like because it comes off a bit floral. That’s just the beginning. There’s so much going on with this aroma. It’s really complex and that’s why it makes this list of the best smelling aftershaves. There’s verbena, tangerine, yuzu zest, coriander, blue water lily and more. It’s got such an intense blend of spicy, floral, woodsy, and aquatic notes. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B014RLZG2E&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B014RLZG2E/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B014RLZG2E&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=d79f64fddc2542e719d8c081e899d285)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B014RLZG2E) ## Dior Sauvage Aftershave Balm Dior perfumer François Demachy really paid attention to the traditions of aftershave aromas but made the Sauvage version a bit more youthful. The cologne is quite popular, especially since Johnny Depp is the face of the brand. Sauvage lends itself well to an aftershave because it hits you full on with a touch of mint in the base note. You get this peppery, spicy undercurrent that magically transitions to something more citrusy. It’s a well-blended fragrance that doesn’t have a dominant note. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00DSNJDWM&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00DSNJDWM/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00DSNJDWM&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=3d5177c437b4179cb2064a5c78439769)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00DSNJDWM) ## Hugo Boss Aftershave Balm This aftershave balm comes in a small 75 mL bottle and lacks many of the essential functions of other aftershaves. There’s no added vitamins, antiseptic ingredients, or sunscreen. It just smells incredible. If the scent is all important for you then this is worth the money. The Boss aftershave balm carries a very masculine fragrance. It’s fruity and fresh with hints of apple and citrus. Yet, it’s also deep and woodsy with notes of cinnamon and cloves. You can layer this aftershave with other Hugo Boss colognes. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00DAUYZUI&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00DAUYZUI/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00DAUYZUI&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=c31c60f3fefaf31d4f3a4ad0db2dd211)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00DAUYZUI)This is a parfum that is meant to invoke feelings of victory and glory. Can you feel victorious about an aftershave? Well, Paco Rabanne is betting that you will. Invictus isn’t like other aftershaves in that it doesn’t borrow heavily from tradition. It sets new precedent. Invictus aftershave starts off very citrusy and fruity. You smell it in your mouth (if that makes sense). Then, the aroma evolves into something blue and aquatic. It’s a fun, youthful, fresh scent that lasts quite a long time for an aftershave. So, don’t layer it on too thick if you’re already using a cologne or perfume. ## Best Smelling Aftershaves for Traditional, Masculine Men Some men associate aftershave with the old school barber shop experience or their Dad’s signature scent. It’s a memory that you never forget. Traditional aftershaves are masculine and mildly scented with a tried-and-true formula of popular ingredients. If you’re looking for an aftershave that calls to mind the aromas of leather, whiskey, wood, and menthol, then you’ve come to the right place. Traditional aftershaves usually aren’t over-powering, but men tend to apply them generously. That’s one of the reasons why their scents are so familiar. Le Male Aftershave Lotion Splash By Jean Paul Gaultier Is it a lotion or a splash? Well, it’s something in-between; it’s Le Male. Seriously, if the element of mild-mannered masculine energy could be bottled, then you’d have this fragrance. It is the quintessential, masculine fragrance. Period. That’s because it carries all the same ingredients that aftershaves have carried for generations. It’s got notes of lavender, vanilla, and mint. The end result is something that smells soapy fresh and easy on the palette. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B01N3A4W2B&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B01N3A4W2B/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01N3A4W2B&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=b8841f9f13da4f28701b9f238cc41b4c)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B01N3A4W2B) ## The Art of Shaving Oud After Shave Balm You should know you’re in pretty good hands when you select an aftershave balm from a brand named The Art of Shaving. Well, this one is special because it contains oud. It’s an oil or resin from argarwood. Oud is one of those unique and rare ingredients that you find in some of the most exclusive fragrance products. In this aftershave balm, the woodsy, aromatic oud is combined with citrus and shea butter to create something that is truly unique. Traditional men will feel a twinge of memories that are just beyond the mind’s eye as they search to nail down which fragrance note is most sublime. ## Midnight and Two “The Study” After Shave Balm Apply this aftershave balm and close your eyes. Instantly, you’re transported to an old library where someone in a tweed jacket is wasting the day away smoking pipe tobacco. That someone is you and yes, “The Study” aftershave balm is that potent. It contains sandalwood, vetiver root, petitgrain, and lavender. If you love this flavor palette then you’ll be delighted to know that you can get a preshave oil and shaving soap to go along with the aftershave balm. ## Ogallala Bay Rum Aftershave Back in the day, after a close shave you’d get a splash of rum across your face and neck. That burn let you know that all the wounds from your barber’s rusty razor would heal up nice. Well, you shouldn’t have to worry about rusty shavers, but that same scent of an old, Midwestern barbershop can be found in the Ogallala Bay Rum Aftershave ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2IlITsb)). It has simple ingredients – bay rum fragrance oil, witch hazel, purified water, and alcohol. This type of scent is ideal for men who aren’t looking for anything exotic – just a clean, fresh feeling. That being said, the scent of the bay rum aftershave is a bit on the strong side. So, use it sparingly for best results. \[poll id=”9″\] ## **Summary** Aftershave is an **essential part of a man’s skincare ritual**, even if you’re not that big on shaving. The best aftershaves double as moisturizers which keep your skin looking youthful, clean, and hydrated. As you can see from this guide, there are a lot of different choices out there. You shouldn’t just choose an aftershave based on scent alone. However, getting the right combination of scent and ingredients makes for manly mastery. There’s aftershaves that have a clean, soapy finish. Some are traditional barbershop throwbacks while others reframe the whole concept of what a man should smell like. You might want to consider having two or three of these best smelling aftershaves in your arsenal. Get one that is mild enough for daily use and keep one on deck for special occasions. Thanks for stopping by Men’s Variety. Be sure to follow us on social media for extra content and share this post with your friends. **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Affiliate, Aftershave --- ### [Does It Really Matter If Channing Tatum is Bisexual?](https://guycounseling.com/channing-tatum-bi-gossip/) **Published:** December 22, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![channing tatum bi gossip](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/channing-tatum-b2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## If Channing Tatum is bi, so what? It seems like the Channing Tatum bisexual rumors have really gone into overdrive over the past year. Gossip machines cranked up the buzz after word came out that the star would be splitting with his wife of nine-years, Jenna Dewan. This isn’t the first time the [green-eyed actor](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/) has been the focus of bi/gay rumors. In 2015, Channing Tatum was once placed on the respectable IMDb website as one of forty famous “bisexual, gay, lesbian celebrities” As a result, many people believed this was proof that the star best known for his work in 21 Jump Street (2012) had officially “come out”. Never mind the fact that Tatum has **never once** spoken about this topic. In addition, there has never been one iota of proof to support the rumors. So, what is fueling all the speculation and why the constant buzz? Moreover, even if Tatum were bisexual, what would it really matter? Curious about this topic, Guy Counseling spoke to Tom Fransen, a licensed psychotherapist who studies social trends. “Sometimes, rumors are circulated to help prop up a given celebrity. I am not saying that is happening here. But I am suggesting that often, gossip helps to raise a star’s profile.” ![channing t](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/channing-t.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Fransen pointed to Internet forums that are dedicated to celebrity gossip. An example can be found in a [Reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/8ame21/when_you_are_bi_af_so_upon_hearing_the_news/) where followers openly speculate about Tatum’s bisexuality. “What’s interesting here is that you don’t see him \[Channing Tatum\] pushing back against the gossip. That’s probably because he knows having some mystery about him only helps. There’s nothing wrong with that but it shouldn’t be used as some type of confirmation, one way or another,” Fransen adds. Tatum, who turned 38 in April, has starred in films that were popular with LGBTQ audiences. Examples include *Magic Mike* in 2012 or *Foxcatcher* in 2014. “Whenever an actor is incredibly good looking and appears in movies that touch on a queer-friendly topic, there is a good bet speculation will follow,” said Mark Elliot, an industry insider. So, would it matter if Channing Tatum were to one day come out as bisexual? Moreover, would it hurt his career? According to Fransen, probably not. “First, people aren’t coming out as ‘bi’ anymore. Instead, it’s all about being sexually fluid. Regardless of the label, however, it’s unlikely to harm him. Years ago, that might have been true but not today. Younger people aren’t all that concerned about that type of thing. Just look at all of the stories we see where male stars talk about their [first](https://guycounseling.com/25-first-gay-experiences-stories/) gay experiences,” he says, pointing to actor Nico Tortorella, who recently revealed he was sexually fluid. “Didn’t Arizona just elect its first bi Senator?” he adds. In the final analysis, it really doesn’t matter if Channing Tatum is bisexual or any actor for that matter. In fact, one could argue that the speculation works in their favor. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Channing Tatum, Gossip, LGBT --- ### [7 Classic Non-Round Watches for Men That Aren't Cheap](https://guycounseling.com/7-classic-non-round-mens-watches/) **Published:** December 22, 2022 **Author:** Chris Andre **Content:** ## ![mens square watches](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/mens-watches.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Into non-round watches? One of the many things that separate the men from the boys is fine timepieces. They say you are what you eat, but what you wear beneath your sleeve tells much more: Your status, your style, your legacy. Unlike designer clothes, iconic watch designs last for decades and are worth the investment. And if you are looking for one or happen to be a watch enthusiast, these seven ticking stars serve as the recommended non-round (or “less commercial”) selections, complete with the finest men who may have worn them best. All images are embedded directly from Instagram from various sources. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BohMXx9nmnp/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **7. Panerai Radiomir** Little did people know that Panerai during their initial decades was none other than a multi-brand boutique in Florence, Italy, that touted various timekeeping instruments to local customers. Then, the Italian navy took notice and held them as a supplier for diving wristwatches. Over time, founder Giovanni Panerai modified details of those timepieces which became the basis of the brand’s own design DNA today. Silvester Stallone was among the Hollywood stars who caught the bug before Panerai hit it big time in early noughties. He was soon followed by a number of athletes who preferred big watches on their wrist, not to really tell the time per se, but to match their egos. **Related:** [Men’s Bulova gold watch review](https://guycounseling.com/bulova-gold-watch-review-817/) Even Tom Cruise sported a Luminor in one of “Tropic Thunder” scenes. Yet, none can beat a true die-hard Paneristi (Panerai lover) such as Bruce Willis, who picked a Radiomir when making appearances on red carpets. The big question for a Panerai virgin prior to purchasing one is: Radiomir or Luminor? The main difference between the two is Luminor’s bulky crown protector, a necessity for the former navy back in 1950s. If you put originality above everything else however, Radiomir stands as one of the simplest yet most elegant cushion-shaped watches that still exist to this day. Mind you, since it was created as a functional diving watch, the case comes in with a quite beefy proportion—yet perfect for humble brag. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3vhsdHv) > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/ClQ059dIpEF/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **6. Cartier Tank** The ingenuity of a Cartier Tank watch doesn’t merely lie on its art deco design. It goes back to the time when the World War I took place, in 1917 to be exact. It was Louis Cartier \[pronounced “Kaar-tee-yay”\], one of the three Cartier sons and the seminal creative director, who saw British tank Renault FT-17 and reinterpreted that for a most sumptuous rectangular accessory to date. He crafted the rectangular case to be resembling the tank as seen from above, with the protruding lugs resembling extending caterpillar tracks. The white-and-black watch dial uses “rail track” line markers before the roman numerals. And the most elegant finishing touch is the unique blue sapphire on top of the crown, a precious reimagination of a tank’s deadliest part, the gun. As impressive as the watch’s aesthetics is the endless list of world-famous celebrities who have chosen this Cartier piece as their go-to watch throughout their career. In the film industry, there are Clark Gable, Cary Grant, Alain Delon, Warren Beaty, Richard Gere, Jeff Goldblum, Andy Lau and the list goes on. In art and music, Chet Baker, Frank Sinatra, Andy Warhol, Sofia Coppola own at least one. In fashion, Yves Saint Laurent, Anna Wintour, Tom Ford, Calvin Klein and Claudia Schiffer are among the admirers. In politics and journalism, Jacqueline Kennedy, Truman Capote, Lady Diana, Emmannuel Macron have graced their wrist with the most recognizable ticking rectangle. Most of them chose the minimalistic and slim (and quite affordable) Tank Solo. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2CRBwET) > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BjzgeI2gnBb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **5. Audemars Piguet Royal Oak** The octagonal Royal Oak is synonymous with the nouveau riche. Many, however, are less informed on the interesting history behind the stainless-steel timepiece, let alone the brand. Audemars Piguet \[pronounced “O-de-mahr pee-gay”\] has often been casually noted as one of the Holy Trinity/Big Three of Swiss watchmaking (the other two are Vacheron Constantin and Patek Philippe). It’s independently owned by the Piguet family, hence the annual limited production. It was also the first brand back in 1972 who went against the stream by introducing the Royal Oak, the first “expensive” stainless steel watch which was also designed by the late Gérald Genta, the Leonardo da Vinci of watchmaking. Some of its pioneering features are the octagonal case with intentionally bare screws on top (first of its kind) and the elegantly connected bracelet (different from other brands, except that of the Patek Philippe watch by Mr. Genta). Today the Royal Oak has been relaunched in various models and materials, not excluding the Royal Oak Offshore, the diving watch version. Jay-Z, Usher, Lionel Messi, Serena Williams, James Corden, Neil Patrick Harris are among the celebs who loved wearing this octagonal beauty. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2NM33st) > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BojN5UYFTpo/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **4. Franck Muller Vanguard  A tonneau or barrel-shaped watch is an acquired taste. A few names who have dipped their toe in the game are Vacheron Constantin, Cartier and Franck Muller. The first came with the Malte Tonneau, an exquisite timepiece equipped with equally exquisite complications. As a result, Vacheron Constantin’s Tonneau fetched a stellar price that only the wealthy bunch could afford. Cartier jumped on the bandwagon with the Tortue watch, which didn’t fare as well as their other lines. But for Franck Muller, tonneaus surged to be their expertise. A little bit on the background, Franck Muller, the person, is a Swiss watchmaker who had honed his watchmaking flair through decades of perseverance. One of his latest professional posts was handling the *haute horlogerie* (fine timepieces) at Patek Philippe. It’s not a secret that for those who have held top posts at that company are potential to branch out and kickstart their own brands (just like what Roger Dubuis did). Of course, to aspire on his own, Muller challenged himself to perfect his technique and craftsmanship. A tonneau case (the watch shape) is pretty specific, meaning that the inside mechanism also has to conform with the available space. Innovatively, Muller also upped the ante by adding a tad garish touch to the dial, which attracted the attention of a number of celebrities. The Franck Muller Vanguard Tonneau timepiece has made the wrists of Elton John, Kanye West, Demi Moore, to name a few, look ready to sign a million-dollar deal. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2NKkvh6) https://www.instagram.com/p/\_1WwBCsalD/?hl=en&tagged=grandereversoduo ## **3. Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso** Have you ever heard a watch that could swivel to expose the second face (dial)? Now, you’re about to discover not only legendary but also a masterpiece that became a worldwide sensation back when it was first introduced in 1931. Jaeger-LeCoultre \[pronounced “Zhay-zhair le-coult”\], as a company, was and is a watch complication master who’s always busy tweaking what’s on the inside rather on the outside. But when Jacques-David LeCoultre, the then owner, heard about the challenge to create a watch that could help the British army playing a polo game in India without worrying of breaking their watch, he rose to the occasion. “Reverso” itself means “I turn around” in Latin. The original watch is rather slender on the wrist, but if you push it to the right, it can swivel around to reveal a stainless-steel back, transforming the watch into a seemingly steel bracelet. This ingenious creativity soared to popularity back in France, as the elongated case also looked astonishingly handsome. Over the years, Jaeger-LeCoultre developed the watch into much more than just a timekeeping instrument. Initially, people got the watch to have the stainless-steel back engraved with their names or any insignia they’d like to treasure. Avid watch collectors desired the back to be another watch dial, just for a different time zone. Today, Jaeger-LeCoultre has perhaps created the most technically challenging timepiece with a gyro-tourbillon complication in Reverso—basically, a super-accurate timekeeper. Although Reverso isn’t as commercial as its counterparts from other manufacturers, elegant Hollywood stars, including Pierce Brosnan, Leo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jamie Foxx, Christian Bale, have shown the looks of various Reverso designs which elevated their dashing presence to the nines. [See pricing on Amazon](https://amzn.to/2RYPRDS) > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BlnzUY_nP6k/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **2. Cartier Santos** True watch insiders know that wristwatches were initially designed after the old pocket watches. As fate would have it, in early 1900s, Brazilian aviator and socialite Alberto Santos-Dumont found his pocket timepiece troublesome when he’s venturing airborne (albeit a short test flight it was back then). Louis Cartier, his dear friend, took the matter to the heart and resolutely came with a very daring answer: the Santos watch. Unlike any wristwatch at that time, the Santos was decidedly square, sending out a statement that it wasn’t inspired by house clocks. In fact, it then galvanized the whole watchmaking industry to follow the lead and shift their pocket watchmaking production to focusing on wristwatches. But here’s the most important thing about Santos: It’s not just a piece of undeniable history as the first commercial wristwatch in the world, but its design has transcended decades after decades. Even the first prototype already took in elements of art deco which are still relevant to this very day. Take cues from how Justin Timberlake, Tyrese Gibson, Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Douglas incorporated that boxy watch into their everyday look. The Santos is a watch that started the movement for wristwatch creations and most likely will also see the day when wristwatches become a thing of the past. [Check Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2ExbjNQ) > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BohWVFlnfe5/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **1. Patek Philippe Nautilus  There are handsome non-round watches, and there are rare non-round watches. The Patek Philippe Nautilus has it all, really. From the historical departure to the sumptuous design elements to the hard-to-get quality, this is a watch that stays at the pinnacle of collectors’ favorites. After the launch of Audemars Piguet Royal Oak in 1972, Patek Philippe wanted to craft its own top-tier stainless-steel timepiece. So, they summoned Gérald Genta to do one amazing masterpiece, released only four years after. He took inspiration from nautilus shells, with a smooth architectural curve, hence the watch’s superbly embracing bracelet. The watch case is a lovechild between round and square, and the dial is deceivingly simple. The embossed lines on the dial are a trademark that beguiles the eyes of both collectors and newbies, and when reflecting light, its resplendent blue harks back to the nautilus shell concept. With all that said, it’s not hard at all to fall in love with this fine timepiece. Brad Pitt, Robert Downey Jr. Ed Sheeran, Connor McGregor are just a slew of the fallen victims. The only problem in getting a hand on this watch (aside from its extravagantly expensive price tag) is that it rarely stops by a Patek Philippe boutique. All the wealthiest collectors in the world always have an eye for it. Any Patek Philippe boutique in the world, as a matter of fact, gets customers day in, day out asking for it. Its rarity is as extremely distressing as its price range in any watch auction. Even the design of the first watch of Nautilus (that only tells time, and no other timekeeping features like moon phase or chronograph/stopwatch) can easily beat the price of any über-complicated timepiece. Then again, that’s the price you’re willing to pay when you’re falling in love, right? [Check Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2ExBOml) — Main photo credit: Deposit photos **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Watch, Watches --- ### [Non-Comedogenic Face Cleansers and Moisturizers for Men with Acne Prone Skin](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/) **Published:** September 13, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![non-comedogenic products](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/non-comedogenic.jpg?resize=650%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Non-Comedogenic vs Comedogenic](#Non-Comedogenic_vs_Comedogenic) - [Non-Comedogenic Definition](#Non-Comedogenic_Definition) - [What’s Inside of Comedogenic Skin Care Products?](#Whats_Inside_of_Comedogenic_Skin_Care_Products) - [Non-Comedogenic Skin Care Products](#Non-Comedogenic_Skin_Care_Products) - [Non-Comedogenic Facial Cleansers](#Non-Comedogenic_Facial_Cleansers) - [Non-Comedogenic Moisturizers](#Non-Comedogenic_Moisturizers) - [Non-Comedogenic Shaving Gels](#Non-Comedogenic_Shaving_Gels) - [Non-Comedogenic Body Lotions](#Non-Comedogenic_Body_Lotions) - [Comedogenic Behaviors in Your Life](#Comedogenic_Behaviors_in_Your_Life) ## **Non-Comedogenic vs Comedogenic** When choosing men’s skin care products, you’ve probably read the words [non-comedogenic](http://europepmc.org/abstract/med/138532) and comedogenic on the back of the bottle where the ingredients are listed. But have you ever wondered what these terms mean? Here’s the truth – knowing the difference can save you a face full of zits. ## **Non-Comedogenic Definition** The American Academy of Dermatology defines a “comedo” as an “acne lesion”. These are caused by oily, hard blockages that form because of an excess of sebum (oil) in the skin’s pore. **Related:** [10 anti-aging tips for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) When left untreated, these blockages can lead to unsightly blackheads, whiteheads and blotchy pimples. So when you read words or phrases that include “comedogenic” on a skin care product (aka: moisturizer) it’s important to realize that those ingredients have a higher likelihood of clogging your pores and causing acne (comedones). That’s kind of important to know, isn’t it? ## **What’s Inside of Comedogenic Skin Care Products?** Skin care experts, including dermatologists, have a difficult time labeling ingredients that are comedogenic because not every man has the same skin type. This means what may cause one guy to breakout with acne may not have the same effect another. But according to sound [clinical research](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S019096228480050X), there does appear to be a number of ingredients that dermatologists agree have a higher propensity to produce acne. Below you will find a few of the “biggies” If you are struggling with pimples or oily skin right now, make sure you carefully read the product labels and keep an eye out for these zit causing additives. – isopropyl myristate – isopropyl palmitate – myristyl myristate – decyl oleate – octyl stearate – lanolins – coal tar – D and C red dyes ## **Non-Comedogenic Skin Care Products** Whenever possible, it is best to pick a skin care product that is labeled non-comedogenic. This point is particularly true if you have a history of breakouts. **More:** [Stress pimples: How to get rid of them forever](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/) What many people do not know is that many of the facial products men buy contain comedogenic ingredients. Examples include shaving gels and creams, toners and sun-blocks. That’s why it’s critical to read those labels to ferret out acne causing additives. Below, I will give you a few tips on how to correctly choose these products so that you can avoid embarrassing blemishes in the future. ## **Non-Comedogenic Facial Cleansers** There are tons of facial cleansers on the market. The problem is many of them can cause acne. Ideally, you’ll want to pick a product that offers deep cleansing so that pores don’t clog and zits don’t form. If you have oily skin, choose something that contains salicylic and/or glycolic acid; ingredients that eat away the oil but don’t strip your skin of vital nutrients. Men’s Science makes a high quality [daily wash](http://amzn.to/2deb751) that removes debris and impurities without drying out your face. And because it contains androceuticals, you’ll also get a moisturizing effect. ## **Non-Comedogenic Moisturizers** Try to look for products that read “lightweight” and “oil-free”. While not a guarantee, it’s a good bet they don’t contain comedogenic ingredients. **More:** [How to get rid of baggy eyes and dark circles for men](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) Ideally, the consistency should be thin but meaningful. Soothing agents, like hyaluronic acids that bind water and vitamin E glycerins, are your best choices. Cetaphil makes a great daily moisturizer ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2de9y7n)) with sunscreen that is non-comedogenic and is dermatologist recommended. ## **Non-Comedogenic Shaving Gels** If you are a guy, there’s a good chance you take a razor to your face at least once a week. But did you know the type of shaving gel you use may be clogging your pores and encouraging zits? Yep, it’s true. That’s because when you shave, you are actually irritating your skin at the dermal level. This in turn creates tiny tears and openings; something comedogenic ingredients love to get into and clog up! **More:** [How to shave your butt the right way](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/) This is why it’s important to pick shaving gels that are water based and don’t contain alcohol. Look for additives like tea extracts, allantonin and aloe vera. A nice one to consider is Harry’s Shave Cream ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3REsZbb)). Not only is this one non-comedogenic, it also contains natural anti-bacterial agents to help acne from cropping up. ## **Non-Comedogenic Body Lotions** Oily skin and acne aren’t confined to the face. The truth is, you can experience skin blemishes anywhere on the body. For example, have you ever noticed pimples on your chest or back? When looking body moisturizers, skip the cheap stuff. That’s because most of them are loaded with comedogenic ingredients and toxic parabens. Sad to say but it’s true. Instead, choose a product that is non-comedogenic and contains natural elements. Cetaphil makes a terrific body lotion ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2dD1w7R)) that’s good for all skin types and is non-clogging. ## **Comedogenic Behaviors in Your Life** You may already be using non-comedogenic products. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t subjecting your skin to zit causing agents. That’s because research demonstrates nearly 62% of men don’t wash their hands after pooping. Germ ridden hands that touch the face are bastions for comedogenic ingredients and bacteria. That’s why it’s really important to clean your hands properly after relieving yourself. Here’s a great [guide](http://www.cdc.gov/handwashing/) published by the CDC on this topic. Also, think about wiping down your cellphone with a disinfectant wipe each day. Believe it or not, comedogenic byproducts can sometime get on your device, which in turn transfer to your face. The end result can mean pimples, blackheads and nasty blemishes. **References:** PMC Europe: Non-Comedogenic Cosmetics CDC: Handwashing Guide Daily Mail: Most Men Don’t Bother to Wash Hands **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Acne, Gels, Grooming, Moisturizer, Oily Skin, Pimples, Shaving, Skin Care --- ### [David Beckham Style Guide for Men Made Simple](https://guycounseling.com/david-beckham-style-guide/) **Published:** September 11, 2022 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![david b](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/david-b.jpg?resize=710%2C521&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [David Beckham Style Guide for Men](#David_Beckham_Style_Guide_for_Men) - [David Beckham – Overview](#David_Beckham_%E2%80%93_Overview) - [Guy File: David Beckham](#Guy_File_David_Beckham) - [Body and Style for David Beckham](#Body_and_Style_for_David_Beckham) - [David Beckham Hair](#David_Beckham_Hair) - [David Beckham Skin](#David_Beckham_Skin) - [David Beckham Casual](#David_Beckham_Casual) - [T-Shirt](#T-Shirt) - [Flannel](#Flannel) - [Jeans](#Jeans) - [Belt](#Belt) - [Shoes](#Shoes) - [Hat](#Hat) - [David Beckham Suits and Formalwear](#David_Beckham_Suits_and_Formalwear) - [Tie](#Tie) - [Dress Shoes](#Dress_Shoes) - [Watch](#Watch) - [Cologne](#Cologne) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## David Beckham Style Guide for Men Trying to get the David Beckham look? Want to style like the English soccer player? Hoping to channel his [manly vibe](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/)? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. A lot of guys admire this handsome athlete’s look. It all makes sense when you consider that David Beckham has adorned almost every major men’s magazine on the planet. Who can forget when he burst onto the pop culture scene back in [2006](https://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/30/business/media/30adco.html) as part of the successful “Got Milk?” campaign? Remember that? I sure do. Well, ever since that time, the athlete turned model has become a household name. For men specifically, Beckham serves as a kind of blueprint for guys who want to appear “rugged”. ## David Beckham – Overview In public, we see a man who wears different clothing. Sometimes he goes formal, like at a wedding or special event. Other times he’s dressed down – meaning casual and laidback. On this page, I’m going to walk you through the basics of David Beckham’s style. Here’s what you will learn: - His hairstyle - His skin care routine - How he achieves a casual look - The types of shoes he wears - Formal wear (suite) ideas Like many of the posts on this blog, I’ll give you some quick demographic information to help provide context. Afterward, we’ll move on to assessing the celeb from head to toe so that you have a foundation from which to work. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![david b 11](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/david-b11.jpg?resize=524%2C823&ssl=1)David in a simple white t-shirt. Photo credit: Deposit photos ## Guy File: David Beckham Birthday: May 2, 1975, Leytonstone, London, England Zodiac Sign: [Taurus Male](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) Height: 6 ft 0 Eye Color: [Hazel Mix](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/) Career: Athlete and Model Relationship: Married to Victoria Beckham Children: 5 ## Body and Style for David Beckham Right off the bat, it’s important to acknowledge that Beckham has a lean build. Unlike other male celebrities who have bodybuilder physiques ([see Chris Evans](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-style-guide/)), this man does not. In many ways, this is a real plus because let’s face it, a lot of men aren’t trying to get all swol. Instead, they simply want to look athletic – meaning fit and toned. While it’s hard to be sure, he likely spends a lot of time doing basic, compound exercises that focus on upper and lower body strength. Cardio, no doubt, is a big part of the dynamic. The reason it is important to know something about his body is that his physique – in many ways – helps to inform his overall style. Speaking of style, let’s take a closer look. ![david backham hair style short](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/david-b-hair1.jpg?resize=495%2C497&ssl=1)David Beckham’s hair is short![david beckham in a blue suit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/david-beckham-in-a-suit.jpg?resize=751%2C501&ssl=1)David Beckham blue suit. Credit: Deposit photos ## David Beckham Hair The very first thing we want to look at is his hair. While the length may change from time to time, he generally wears it short. This means his barber uses clippers that are (likely) set to a setting of 0 to 0.5 on the sides. The top usually left at a length of 1 to 1.5 inches. In plain speak, he’s got a “crop cut”. Depending on what’s going on, it could even be described as a “crew cut”. See this [short hairstyle guide for men](https://guycounseling.com/haircuts-for-men-7-great-celebrity-hairstyles/) to learn more. In looking at his scalp and hairline, he doesn’t appear to have suffered a great deal of hair loss. That said, there has been some receding over the years – which is completely normal. To combat this issue, I highly suspect he uses Minoxidil [(see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3dcI8S2)). He may even take a prescription medication like Propecia. In addition, his hair is somewhat fine; which isn’t that uncommon for men his age. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/114K7WFsRGkRGw/giphy.gif?ssl=1) To give it a fuller look, he may use a thickening conditioner, like Ultrax Labs hair Solaye ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2tA1HZM)). If you are starting to lose hair, this may be a good one to consider. And what about hair products for styling? Chances are, he uses a standard paste or pomade. You can find these at almost any drug store and certainly online. Because he sometimes has a wet-look, he may also use a finishing spray like a gloss. Again, I am just guessing here but if I were rolling the dice in Vegas, I’d feel pretty confident about what I’ve just shared. ![david beckham face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/db-face11.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)David Beckham’s face looks great ## David Beckham Skin In looking at his face, it must be said he’s done a great job at keeping the wrinkles away. I suspect Beckham has been using some type of sunscreen for years, which makes sense given how much time he’s spent playing soccer outdoors. That said, I believe he likely applies a moisturizer once or twice a day and probably a facial mask one day per week. There’s no way to be sure but on the face mask front, it could be something like the Alaskan Glacial Facial Mask. See this page on [best face masks for men](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/) to learn more. **Does David Beckham use Botox?** Well, according to his public interviews, the answer appears to be no. In a 2017 piece appearing in *The Daily Mail*, he said: “I have no interest in doing anything like that, ever \[Botox\]. Growing old gracefully is my thing. I would never inject my face. Or my backside, obviously.” So, the bottom line is that he doesn’t use any type of skin freezer or filler. While many find this to be admirable, it is important to note that increasingly, a lot of guys are having cosmetic work done to help them look younger. In the general sense, it’s fair to say that Beckham likely partakes in a [general skin care routine for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). We’re talking the basics here – nothing over the top. ![david beckham casual](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/david-beckham-casual-.jpg?resize=369%2C569&ssl=1)David Beckham wearing a t-shirt and jeans ## David Beckham Casual Now that we’ve got his skin and hair out of the way, let’s turn our attention to his look. Specifically, I’m talking about the man’s casual style. ### T-Shirt If you want to grab his look, the first thing to do is pick up is a white t-shirt. Now here is the thing – he’s known for wearing T’s that are on the expensive side. **There’s no need to waste a wad of cash like that**. Instead, opt for something reasonably priced. After all, it’s just a white cotton T-shirt. Ralph Loren’s Polo brand is a good example of what I’m talking about ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3QAZvtm)). ### Flannel Depending on the season, you may also seem him in a traditional flannel shirt. Not hipster flannel but instead, the classic type. There are many options to choose from. Here is something to [consider at Amazon](https://amzn.to/2MjpXag). ### Jeans Moving on to his pants, Beckham generally gravitates towards slim cut jeans. I’m not saying he always does this but in looking at his pictures, it seems he prefers this style. You can buy these at most department stores or online. Sure, he may wear designer denim but you don’t have to empty the piggy bank to achieve this look. Calvin Klein sells this style in a variety of colors. Your best bet is to opt for something dark. Be sure to shop around a bit. See [Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3DdrNan) and ideas. ### Belt Sometimes, the man wears a belt. Not always but a lot of the times he does. In many instances, we’re talking about something in brown leather. Here again, you have lots of choices. Here’s a two-stitch belt available at [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Ioe8NM) that gives you an idea of what I’m talking about. ### Shoes You may already know this but Beckham has his own signature footwear. Specifically, we’re talking the Adidas Accelerator. There are variations of this shoe and they come in assorted sizes and colors. You can check out an [example on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3B4iyH3). The price point for these can be out of reach for a lot of guys. Personally, you could probably do just as well by picking up a pair of Puma Carson sneakers. Here is a somewhat extensive [review](https://guycounseling.com/mens-puma-carson-2-review/) for you to reflect on. ### Hat Sometimes, you will see Beckham in a hat. During cold weather months, he’s usually sporting a standard skull cap or beanie. Again, lots of choices available online and at department stores. ![david beckham suit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/db-suit1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Slim fit suit and dark tie ## David Beckham Suits and Formalwear In most all photo of the model/athlete, you will see the man dressed in a slim-fit suit. Obviously, the guy can afford to spend big bucks on designer labels. If you can do this, more power to you. But if you can’t or you just don’t want to blow a bunch of dough, there are other options. Kenneth Cole has a slim fit suit that is very similar to what Beckham wears. Head on over to [Amazon to check their price.](https://amzn.to/3d3Codx) Whatever you decide to buy, make sure you get a good tailor to make adjustments according to your body type. ### Tie David Beckham has worn more neckwear than you can shake a stick at. Sometimes they are solid colored and sometimes he’ll wear a pattern. Much depends on the occasion. He’s even worn bowties. If you want to adopt his basic look, your best bet is to go with something basic, like a solid blue tie against a white, button- down shirt. Make sense? ### Dress Shoes I am not going to spend a lot of time talking about the various dress shoes he wears. That said, he’s a man that prefers classic attire. Think wingtips and laced shoes – sometimes black and other times brown. Here are some footwear ideas on this paged dedicated to the topic: [how men can look more handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). The important point I want to stress here is that he’s not a flashy guy. Think down to earth and chill when making your choices. ### Watch There are stories online about the expensive nature of David Beckham’s watches. The same holds true for other celebs like [Nick Jonas](https://guycounseling.com/nick-jonas-style/). Here’s the hard truth. Unless you have thousands of dollars to blow on a Rolex, you are better off picking up a standard timepiece. Beckham often wears gold and silver wristwear. For some ideas that won’t make you go broke, see this extensive post on gold watches for more insight. ### Cologne Yep – David Beckham also has his own fragrance line. There are several different types to choose from. Instinct for men is one of the more popular ones ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3L6zyku)). That said, some people think his colognes are a bit too sweet and want something woody. Check out this [top men’s colognes list](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) to get some ideas. Hint: Million Pure – Paco Rabanne is an awesome choice. ## Wrap Up If you are hoping to achieve the David Beckham look, this style guide hopefully gave you some good ideas. Let’s face it, much of the marketing around this sports star turned model is focused on masculinity. By going with the basics, you will likely achieve this style without much effort. **Categories:** Field Notes, Men's Style **Tags:** Affiliate, Cologne, David Beckham, Formalwear, Hairstyles, Skincare --- ### [Ryan Reynolds Style Guide For Rugged Fashion Ideas](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-reynolds-style-guide/) **Published:** September 11, 2022 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryan-r-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [STYLE LIKE RYAN REYNOLDS](#STYLE_LIKE_RYAN_REYNOLDS) - [GUY FILE: RYAN REYNOLDS](#GUY_FILE_RYAN_REYNOLDS) - [RYAN REYNOLDS BODY SNAPSHOT](#RYAN_REYNOLDS_BODY_SNAPSHOT) - [BASIC LOOK WITH SOLID COLORS](#BASIC_LOOK_WITH_SOLID_COLORS) - [RUGGED STYLE](#RUGGED_STYLE) - [RYAN REYNOLDS HAIR](#RYAN_REYNOLDS_HAIR) - [FACIAL CARE PRODUCTS](#FACIAL_CARE_PRODUCTS) - [FORMAL LOOK](#FORMAL_LOOK) - [RYAN REYNOLDS POLL](#RYAN_REYNOLDS_POLL) - [RUGGED AND MANLY](#RUGGED_AND_MANLY) ## STYLE LIKE RYAN REYNOLDS Hoping to copy the style of [Ryan Reynolds](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005351/)? Trying to replicate his look? Do you dig his hairstyle and clothes? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. I’m a big Ryan Reynolds fan and have followed him ever since 1993 when he was in the film, *Ordinary Magic*. If you have watched him over the years, you’ve probably noticed he hasn’t changed much. Sure, he’s gotten greyer on top, but when you step back and look at the big picture, the man has managed to skip past most of the visible signs of aging. Don’t believe me? I encourage you to compare what he looked like in the 2007 film, *The Nines* to more recent work, such as his superhero role in the 2016 flick, *Deadpool*. On camera, we see the actor wearing different kinds of clothing, which can range from very formal – like a suite – to super casual. But is what we see on film and what he wears in real life in sync? The answer to that question is a qualified *yes*. The truth is Ryan Reynolds is a lot more basic than you might think. In fact, the Canadian born actor [vibes out rugged](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). I’m going to walk you through Ryan Reynolds style and give you some background information in the process. Afterward, we’ll move from head to toe so that you have a good idea of how he dresses. As part of this style guide, I’ve included product tips that you might consider in your own life. Let’s jump right in! ![Ryan Reynolds rugged](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryan-reynolds-comic-con.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Ryan Reynolds casual style ## GUY FILE: RYAN REYNOLDS - Birthday: October 23, 1976, Vancouver, BC - Height: 6’2 - Zodiac Sign: [Scorpio Male](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) - Eye Color: Brown - Spouse: Blake Lively ![ryan reynolds ad](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/rr-booze.jpg?resize=656%2C440&ssl=1)Ryan Reynolds usually has a beard ## RYAN REYNOLDS BODY SNAPSHOT Right out of the gate, we’ve got to acknowledge that Reynolds doesn’t have your average build. To play the part of a superhero and a variety of other roles, he’s had to regularly train his body. There’s plenty of articles online about his routine, including his cardio workout. But you aren’t here to learn about his gym routine, right? Instead, you want to know about the man’s style. Here’s what you need to know: Reynolds’s physique largely influences his clothing choices; items that uniquely compliment his frame. ![Athletic Look for Reynolds](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryan-r-22.jpg?resize=658%2C820&ssl=1)Athletic look for Reynolds ## BASIC LOOK WITH SOLID COLORS When you examine the actor’s wardrobe, you’ll quickly notice the guy prefers a more down to earth style. In this way, he is [similar to actor Chris Evans](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-style-guide/). In looking at Ryan’s color choices, it appears he gravitates towards solid colors – mostly on the darker side of the house. Here, we are talking about dark blues, browns, and occasional reds. Generally speaking, the actor likes wearing loose fitting clothes. This isn’t to say he doesn’t sometimes go with tight shirts and jeans; he most certainly does. But when you look at the totality of his wardrobe, it seems like he’s not fond of clingy attire. An example of a t-shirt he might wear is one offered by Good Life ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3xf8sls)). His approach to style is similar to many athletic guys who don’t want to be trapped in fabric. And here is the truth – it’s important to let your skin breath. That’s the advantage to wearing “not too tight” clothing. ![ryan reynolds jean jacket](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryann-r.jpg?resize=670%2C838&ssl=1)He’s fond of jean jackets ## RUGGED STYLE One of the first things you will notice when assessing photos of Ryan Reynolds (off camera) is that he prefers a rugged style. So, what are we talking about: It’s simple: - Short facial hair, similar to what we see in the [beard style of Chris Hemsworth](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) (aka Thor) - Basic t-shirts that are blue, white, or maroon - Flannels during cold weather - Blue jeans and sometimes cargo pants - Work boots or gym shoes - Grey sweats for working out - [Jean jacket or denim coat](https://guycounseling.com/denim-jacket-guide/) On the blue jeans front, it looks like Ryan prefers denim that’s not skin-tight. In other words, something like Levi’s brand 527 Slim Bootcut Jean ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2J2qxHV)). The t-shirts he wears tend to be simple; meaning little advertising on front and athletic fitting. The fabric? Likely cotton. You can find these at most all department stores, such as Target. Amazon also carries several reasonably priced brands. ![Ryan Reynolds Deadpool](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryan-deadpool.jpg?resize=652%2C816&ssl=1)Reynolds with his Deadpool character ## RYAN REYNOLDS HAIR A lot of people are interested in Ryan Reynolds hair. This makes sense because it looks like as the man has aged, his hairline hasn’t receded (well, not much). Earlier, I mentioned that he greyed a bit. This is only natural. After all, the guy is in his forties. But how does the actor style it? Well, it looks like he keeps things simple. Here are some observations: - Shorter in the back and longer going towards the front - Brushed to the side - Sometimes he’ll get a buzz cut (mostly on sides) You may be wondering if he dyes his hair? Honestly, this is difficult to know but if I had to guess, I am thinking he uses some type of glazing gel to help bring out his natural color. There are lots of products on the market. Because Ryan’s hair is light brownish, I suspect he may reach for something like John Frieda’s Luminous glaze for brunettes. Difficult to find in department stores but [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3QyTZYy) does carry. And since we are talking about hair, what about his beard. Does he do anything special? An honest assessment of his recent pictures suggests the answer is – no. Well, he certainly trims and shapes it. But I’ve not seen any evidence that the guy uses a coloring product. If that is something you are interested in, you can check out our [review of Just for Men Beard Coloring](https://guycounseling.com/just-for-men-beard-dye-review/). ## FACIAL CARE PRODUCTS I have a sneaking suspicion Ryan is very mindful of his face. The man would have to be when you think about it – he’s a major Hollywood celebrity. Chances are he engages in a simple but basic ritual. Here, I am talking about scrubs, masks, and moisturizers. If you are looking for some ideas, see our [men’s skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) guide. ![Ryan Reynolds skin hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryan-reynolds-face-care.jpg?resize=763%2C615&ssl=1)His face hardly ages![Ryan Reynolds in a suit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/ryan-reynolds-suit.jpg?resize=400%2C560&ssl=1)He likes dark suits ## FORMAL LOOK There are times when Ryan Reynolds needs to dress up. Examples include Hollywood gatherings, award ceremonies, or charity events. So, the question is what does he like? Obviously, I can’t say for sure but when I go through various pictures, it appears the man prefers: - Dark colored suits like navy blue - Grey suits, depending on the season - Brown tones, which lend to his masculine vibe - Black dress shoes and sometimes brown In many ways, the actor pulls from a [classic wardrobe](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) to get his handsome on. Not too flashy and absolutely no bling. ![ryan reynolds style](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/ryan-reynolds-style.jpg?resize=594%2C891&ssl=1)Ryan Reynolds 3-piece suit. Credit: Deposit photos ## RYAN REYNOLDS POLL Jut for fun, I’ve posted an unscientific poll that asks you some questions about Ryan Reynolds. You can only vote once, so please think carefully. \[poll id=”18″\] ## RUGGED AND MANLY In closing, it’s safe to say that Ryan vibes out a rugged and traditional look when making clothing choices. He’s not one for the spotlight and his clothing reflects this. And when you think about him – doesn’t this ring true? When is the last time you heard Ryan Reynolds grabbing for attention? It’s just not who he is. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Affiliate, Beard, Facial hair, Ryan Reynolds, Style --- ### [10 Fragrance Hacks for Making Cologne Last Longer](https://guycounseling.com/cologne-last-longer-hacks/) **Published:** September 11, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cologne last longer bottle of cologne](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/cologne-men-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [10 tips for getting your cologne to last](#10_tips_for_getting_your_cologne_to_last) - [Make colognes last longer](#Make_colognes_last_longer) - [1. Don’t store in your bathroom](#1_Dont_store_in_your_bathroom) - [2. Post-shower application](#2_Post-shower_application) - [3. Moisturize](#3_Moisturize) - [4. Avoid scented soaps and moisturizers](#4_Avoid_scented_soaps_and_moisturizers) - [5. Layer in increments](#5_Layer_in_increments) - [6. Stop spraying your clothes](#6_Stop_spraying_your_clothes) - [7. Choose parfumes](#7_Choose_parfumes) - [8. Be mindful of weather](#8_Be_mindful_of_weather) - [9. Apply after a workout](#9_Apply_after_a_workout) - [10. Be mindful of alcohol](#10_Be_mindful_of_alcohol) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## 10 tips for getting your cologne to last If you are like most men, you probably have a collection of different colognes atop your dresser. Some are probably your “go to” regulars – the ones you wear every day. Others may be used for only special occasions, like a night out on the town or a formal event. Regardless of how many you have or what you use them for, one thing is for certain: most colognes aren’t cheap. Moreover, depending on which type of fragrance use, it may not last that long. Yep, that’s right. Some perfumes last longer than others. Be sure to [read our best smelling colognes guide](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) to learn more on this topic. ## Make colognes last longer Given interest in men’s fragrances and the fact that many can cost a small fortune, I thought it might be helpful to share several hacks to help your favs last longer. Bear in mind that your cologne’s intensity will naturally start to fade with each passing hour. That’s just how it works. The type of product you’ve purchased largely influences duration. That said, you can still do things to extend the life of your cologne. What follows are 10 hacks you might find helpful. Some may seem obvious while others will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all to gain maximum insight. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![mens perfume and colognes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/perfume-and-cologne-for-men.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)How long does your men’s cologne last? ## 1. Don’t store in your bathroom A lot of guys store brands like Gucci and Paco Rabanne atop their medicine cabinet. It makes sense, right? That is where you put yourself together for the day. The problem is the hot water from the shower introduces humidity into your bottle. In turn, this can damage the cologne’s oils and water it down. Most experts agree that the best place to store your favorite scents is in a cool, dry place. Locations to think about include nightstands, dressers or shelves. ## 2. Post-shower application There is some debate on the best time to put on cologne. Some folks think application should happen as the last step before walking out the door. Others believe it’s best to spritz after drying off from the shower. So, what is the best approach? Well, it turns out that the optimal time is **moments after taking a warm shower**. The thinking behind this tip is simple. Your skin’s pores are open the widest. By applying the cologne at that time, your pores can more deeply absorb the fragrance. The result is a longer lasting scent. ## 3. Moisturize Do you struggle with dry, cracked skin? Are you living in a cold weather climate that requires you to constantly moisturize? If the answer is yes, this will be an important hack to consider. Ever notice after a long drought that the ground begins to crack? When it rained, did it seem like the water just rolled off the surface, barely penetrating? Well, that’s the same thing that happens when you apply cologne to dry skin. It is for this reason you want to **moisturize first** before application. If you aren’t moisturizing yet or need some ideas for quality products, [see this best men’s moisturizers](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) post. ## 4. Avoid scented soaps and moisturizers The previous suggestion advised that you use a moisturizer. But unless you are using a body cleanser or lotion made by the cologne manufacturer, you want to avoid products that are scented. To mentally illustrate this point, think about the dynamic for a moment. If you are showering with a liquid body wash like Old Spice and applying Gold Bond’s Men’s moisturizer lotion after, you already have two scents going on. When you add your cologne to the mix, you’ll then have three. That can’t be good, right? Instead, opt for cleansers and moisturizers that are scent free. You can find many of these on the marketplace. An excellent one to consider is [Cetaphil’s Gentle Body Wash](http://amzn.to/2FdUYMZ). Dermatologist recommended. ![best cologne for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/bottles-of-cologne.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s fragrance hacks ## 5. Layer in increments Just as you might put on a t-shirt, flannel, and coat as a way of layering yourself for cold weather conditions, the same approach should be used with the application of cologne. In other words, put some behind your ears, then a small amount by your neck and a dab on your wrists. We’re talking tiny amounts here because you don’t want to overpower. If you do this one right, you’ll have the end result of a longer lasting scent. ## 6. Stop spraying your clothes You may not be doing it and so this tip won’t apply but if you are, listen up. When you apply a men’s fragrance to clothing, you run the risk of damaging that piece of apparel. The oils and other additives just aren’t good for cottons or silks. More importantly, spraying something like Hugo Boss onto a jacket does nothing but waste the fragrance. That’s because the scent is going to **quickly dissipate** into the atmosphere. What else can it do but evaporate? ## 7. Choose parfumes Have you ever noticed that some men’s fragrances say things like “Cologne” and others are labeled “Parfume” and still others read “Eau de Toilette”? Here’s the deal – each type has a direct impact on how long the scent will last. Parfumes are generally good for 8-10 hours. Colognes around two-hours. The “Toilettes” maybe 3-hours. If your goal is to have the fragrance last as long as possible, use a product with a high oil concentration. You can find plenty of ideas on the previously mentioned [top smelling](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) cologne guide. ![colognes: how to extend scent life to last super long](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mens-perfumes-and-cologne-buying-tips.jpg?resize=640%2C343&ssl=1)What are your favorite colognes? ## 8. Be mindful of weather This tip goes back to your skin’s pores. During warm or hot weather, you won’t need to use as much cologne because your skin is absorbing more. That said, during winter months, you might want to use a little extra because less product is absorbed. Fall is a bit of a crapshoot because the weather can change from day to day. ## 9. Apply after a workout If you are an avid gymgoer, there’s a good chance you are working up a sweat when you work out. If possible, hold off putting on any cologne until after you finish exercising and showering. Here is why: When you exercise, your pores open super wide. In turn, this allows for greater absorption. The more those oil molecules can absorb into your dermal layer, the better. And yes, you should shower after hitting the weights and before applying the fragrance. This way you get the **dual effect** of wider pores from pumping iron and the warm shower. Make sense? ## 10. Be mindful of alcohol Not to be a buzzkill but your body scent is directly related to what you eat – and drink. Alcohol particularly has a way of messing up a cologne’s scent. The reason is that your liver is working overtime to get rid of toxins. Aside from urine, most of the waste liquid is pushed out through the skin (aka sweat). If you’ve ever smelled someone who is drunk, you know they can reek. If you are going to drink, keep it to a minimum. Go for [low alcohol content](http://www.nclnet.org/alcohol_how_it_all_adds_up) beverages. For example, choose a light beer as opposed to scotch. ## Bringing It All Together Figuring out how to get your favorite cologne to last longer is a process. Because each of us secretes our own unique pheromones, it takes time to figure out which strategies work best. By employing the tips offered here, you’ll go a long way in extending the life of your favorite woody scents. I hope you found this post useful. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Alcohol, Cologne, Scents, Smell --- ### [How To Roast Green Coffee at Home](https://guycounseling.com/roast-green-coffee-home-skillet/) **Published:** September 10, 2022 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![green coffee freshly roasted](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/freshly-roasted.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Freshly roasted cast iron skillet coffee Table of Contents Toggle - [Roasting Green Coffee 101](#Roasting_Green_Coffee_101) - [Where to Buy Green Coffee Beans](#Where_to_Buy_Green_Coffee_Beans) - [Making Sense of Green Coffee Lingo](#Making_Sense_of_Green_Coffee_Lingo) - [Understanding the Roasting Process and Why You Need to Roast Coffee](#Understanding_the_Roasting_Process_and_Why_You_Need_to_Roast_Coffee) - [Tools for Coffee Roasting at Home](#Tools_for_Coffee_Roasting_at_Home) - [Time to Roast: DIY Coffee Roasting Step by Step](#Time_to_Roast_DIY_Coffee_Roasting_Step_by_Step) - [Brewing and Storing Your Home-Roasted Coffee](#Brewing_and_Storing_Your_Home-Roasted_Coffee) ## Roasting Green Coffee 101 We know that life with coffee is good and life without coffee is bad. But beyond those basic facts, what makes coffee *coffee* is a total mystery to most of us. Today, however, we’re revealing the rich, complex, and interesting side of coffee. How? By roasting our own. We’ll get into the specific tools needed later on, but as long as you have a gas grill or a portable burner, a cast iron skillet, and about 30 spare minutes, you’re ready to start roasting. ## Where to Buy Green Coffee Beans Depending on where you live, [green coffee beans](http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/jf990783b) may be purchased from your local coffee roasting company. Do a web search for coffee roasters nearby and call to ask if they’d consider selling some of their inventory. Chances are, they’ve been asked before and will gladly part with a pound or two. If you can’t find green coffee within driving distance, the internet has your back — as long as you buy from a reputable source like Sweet Maria’s (sweetmarias.com) or Bodhi Leaf Coffee Traders (bodhileafcoffee.com). Primos Coffee also makes green coffee beans that many people say are amazing. [Check with Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2E4eqrn). All three companies source their beans directly from the farmers and coops in the countries of origin to offer what is truly some of the best specialty-grade coffee in the world. ![bag of fresh green coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/green-coffee-bag.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)A 2-pound bag of green, unroasted coffee grown in the Sidamo region of Ethiopia, Imported and sold by Bodhi Leaf Coffee Traders ## Making Sense of Green Coffee Lingo The “spec sheet” of a green coffee reveals exactly where on the planet that coffee grew including the country, region within the country, the farm and farmer who grew it, the elevation of the farm, and other interesting facts about the surrounding terrain and climate. Information about the varietal of the coffee — bourbon, typica, caturra, etc. — is also typically provided (if known) along with how the coffee was processed — wet, dry, or pulp-natural. To the seasoned coffee roaster, all this background information tells the backstory of a specific coffee and provides clues for how it might taste. When you’re just starting out, however, don’t spend too much time comparing minute details between different green coffees you’re considering. Simply read through the tasting notes provided by the retailer and go with the coffee you find most appealing. The roasting process remains more or less the same regardless of the type of coffee you’re roasting so you really can’t lose. ## Understanding the Roasting Process and Why You Need to Roast Coffee Everything that makes brewed coffee so wonderful — the flavors, the aromas, the caffeine — are almost entirely unavailable in the bean’s raw state. But by applying heat to the beans during the roasting process, coffee’s most prized chemical compounds and solubles become available for extraction through brewing. **More:** [How to make cowboy coffee made simple](https://guycounseling.com/cowboy-coffee-directions/) On average, it takes anywhere from 7 to 15 minutes to roast a batch of coffee. During that time, the raw coffee beans change from green to brown with a few distinct stages along the way. By understanding what’s happening during each stage, you’re able to make the changes and adjustments needed to yield the most delicious tasting roasted coffee possible. Here is a rough breakdown of the coffee roasting process and its progressive stages: **Initial heating and drying (1 to 3 minutes):** As soon as the green coffee beans come into contact with the heat source they begin absorbing heat. When the internal temperature of the beans rises, moisture within the beans starts evaporating as steam, producing the aroma of warm, wet hay. During this stage, the coffee remains its natural green color for the first few minutes. ![stirring green coffee beans unroasted](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/green-coffee1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Green coffee beans in a Cast iron skillet roughly 30 seconds into the roast. **Yellow (3 to 5 minutes):** Once the coffee beans have dried significantly, they gradually change from green to a tan-ish yellow color. The aroma changes from wet hay to that of baking bread. You’ll also start noticing small pieces of chaff separating from the coffee and blowing off — yes, it gets everywhere. ![Yellow coffee skillet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/yellow-coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Roasting coffee well into the yellow stage, roughly 5 minutes into the roast. **Brown (5 to 8 minutes):** When all the moisture has been roasted out, the beans turn from yellow to a proper brown and start looking like coffee as we generally know it. The beans will have increased in size slightly at this point, but will still be small and hard compared to the fully roasted beans. More chaff will separate and disperse across your workspace. ![brown coffee roast](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/brown-stage-coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Roasting coffee deep into the brown stage, Roughly 8 minutes into the roast, moments before first crack. **First Crack (7 to 12 minutes):** During the drying, yellow, and brown phases, the coffee beans are endothermic, meaning they’re absorbing heat. Once the beans have absorbed the maximum amount of heat, they change from endothermic to exothermic and start releasing heat. This transition is known as “first crack” because an audible “popping” sound is produced when gasses trapped within the beans rapidly expand, fracturing the bean’s physical structure. During this process, the beans begin producing substantial smoke and still more chaff. ![first crack coffee beans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/first-crack-coffee-beans.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Coffee as it reaches a critical moment during the roast: first crack. Notice the haze of smoke over the coffee and the abundance of chaff and stray coffee beans accumulating everywhere. It generally takes anywhere from one to three minutes for all the beans in the batch to undergo first crack. As soon as first crack concludes, the beans will be at a light roast level and brew-able for the first time. If you enjoy crisp, clean flavor profiles that allow you to taste the natural notes of the coffee, end the roast here. If you like more body and boldness to your brew, keep roasting a few more minutes until second crack. **Second Crack (12 to 16 minutes):** After first crack wraps up, there’s a brief period of silence. During this time, the beans continue getting darker as they move into the medium roast territory. Then, after anywhere from 10 to 90 seconds, another exothermic event known as “second crack” occurs. You’ll hear another round of audible popping noises, but this time slightly softer and shorter lasting. If you end the roast as soon as second crack gets going, you’ll have a fully developed medium roast which is always a crowd-pleaser. Letting the beans roast through second crack and beyond will produce an ever-darker roast until the beans ultimately burn. Knowing when to end the roast is everything. ![Second crack coffee beans from roasting at home in skillet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/second-crack.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Roasted coffee after second crack completes, roughly 13 minutes into the roast. ## Tools for Coffee Roasting at Home First, start by making sure you have an adequate outdoor space for roasting. A substantial amount of smoke can be created so proper ventilation is essential. And of course, keep a fire extinguisher nearby just in case. Then, round up the following items: - **Gas Burner** — Many gas barbeque grills have side burners that are ideal for roasting coffee. If your grill isn’t equipped with a side burner, the cast iron skillet can be placed directly on the main grilling surface, assuming your grill puts off enough BTU’s. Portable gas burners or camp stoves — either propane or butane — work great for roasting coffee and electric hotplates can be used in a pinch, although many are underpowered and not ideal for the application. - **Cast iron skillet** — Cast iron distributes heat very evenly which is important when creating an even and consistent roast. You can roast in the same cast iron skillet you use to cook your bacon and eggs, just make sure to clean and dry it thoroughly before roasting coffee — coffee is quick to absorb outside aromas, and if you aren’t careful, you’ll end up with a breakfast-flavored brew.  [See Amazon for options](http://amzn.to/2CNQoEc). - **Wooden spoon** — Stirring constantly is another key to successful cast iron skillet coffee roasting. A standard wooden spoon or spatula is the tool of choice. - **Cookie Sheet** — When the beans are done roasting you need somewhere for them to cool. Standard cookie sheets work great, and if you happen to have a perforated sheet or metal colander with mesh or small holes, that’s even better. - **Oven mitt, hot pad, or towel** — Used for handling the cast iron skillet when hot. - **Measuring cup or scale** — You can simply drop a handful of beans into the pan and start roasting with good results. But if you want to be more precise and be better able to repeat your roasts, measuring your beans is critical. Measuring cups work great but digital kitchen scales are more accurate — use what you have. - **Timer or Stopwatch** — When striving for consistent roasts from batch to batch, tracking the progress on the clock is extremely helpful. Digital timers with large numbers make tracking roast times easy at a glance, but the timer on your smartphone is always a convenient option. - **Fan or fan-like object** — After the beans roast they need to be cooled quickly, either by hand with a fan-like object (a magazine or small cutting board works well) or with a box fan. ![cup of coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/coffee-617x416.jpg?resize=617%2C381&ssl=1)Roast your own coffee at home ## Time to Roast: DIY Coffee Roasting Step by Step Before you dive into the procedure, commit to staying with your pan of roasting coffee from start to finish. The coffee must be stirred continuously and if you walk away for even a few seconds, the beans will scorch producing unfavorable burnt flavors. Make sure you have all the necessary tools compiled and ready for action because once you start roasting, you must stay glued to the task. ### Step 1: Preheat Cast Iron Skillet Ignite your gas burner and set the flame to high. Place your cast iron skillet on the burner and let it heat up for 2 or 3 minutes. You’ll know the skillet is hot enough when you sprinkle water and it dances across the surface, boiling off immediately. ### Step 2: Measure or Weigh Out Green Coffee Beans While the skillet is preheating, measure out the beans you’re about to roast. Ideally, you want enough beans to cover the entire bottom of the skillet in roughly a half-inch thick layer. For a standard 8-inch cast iron skillet, 1 full cup of beans (roughly 185 grams on the scale) is just about right. ![One cup of green coffee beans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cup-of-coffee-beans.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)One cup of green coffee beans ready for the skillet. On the scale, this volume of beans weighed 185 grams, or approximately 6.6 ounces. ### Step 3: Add Beans to Pan, Start Stopwatch & Stir! Once the skillet has preheated fully, reduce the flame to low and wait 30 seconds or so for the skillet’s temperature to drop slightly. If the skillet is too hot upon starting the roast, there’s a chance the green beans will scorch. Then, pour the beans into the pan, start the stopwatch, and start stirring immediately. Remember: Once the roast starts you can’t stop stirring! ![Stirring green coffee beans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/stir-coffee-beans.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Stirring green coffee as the roast begins. Your goal is to move every bean in the skillet with every pass of your wooden spoon. Experiment with different stirring patterns — try circles, spirals, zigzags, or a combination — until you fall into a nice rhythm. It’s also extremely helpful to keep a grip on the skillet using an oven mitt or towel so you can shuffle the skillet every few seconds to keep the beans well agitated. ### Step 4: Monitor the Roast and Adjust the Heat as Needed You should start smelling the aroma rising from the beans as soon as they start heating. With the roast in full swing, your aim is to use your senses to monitor the roast and make heat adjustments as needed. Initially, your main concern will be to watch for any signs of scorching which will appear as small brown splotches on the outside surfaces of the beans. At the first suspicion of scorching, lower the flame immediately and consider lifting the skillet away from the flame momentarily. Make a small flame adjustment then wait 20 seconds or so for the temperature change to take effect. You’ll need to continue making adjustments in this way throughout the duration of the roast, and with practice, it becomes very intuitive. During the initial drying and yellow stages, the flame can be kept relatively low. As the beans start turning brown, however, more heat is needed to build the momentum necessary to carry the beans through first crack and beyond. Whatever you do, don’t stop stirring. ### Step 5: Moving Through First Crack Somewhere around the 5 or 6-minute mark, you may hear the initial few pops of first crack. But don’t be surprised if the full onslaught of first crack doesn’t kick in until a few minutes later. There always seems to be a few early-bird cracks that sneak in. ![end of coffee roasting of green beans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/coffee-pouring-1000.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Ending the roast by spreading hot coffee beans on a cookie sheet to cool. In terms of brew-ability, the beans are ready to be ground and brewed anytime after first crack. From there, the beans will continue to darken until they’re incinerated. If you are a dark roast fan, don’t let the roast go too far past second crack — at that point, you’re riding a fine line between full-bodied dark roast and charcoal. Roasting coffee in a cast iron skillet practically forces you to stick to very small batches. While it may take 3 or 4 batches to produce a pound of roasted coffee, each batch offers a new opportunity for experimentation and learning. Keep this in mind and try roasting your coffee in as many different ways as possible — end one roast very early just after first crack for a Scandinavian-style light roast and end the next batch much later to produce a classic bold dark roast. Keep stirring and continue increasing the flame little by little until first crack is fully underway. When you start hearing steady pops — it’ll sound like popcorn in a microwave — lower the heat slightly. Ideally, you want to have enough heat to continue moving the roast forward but not so much that the roast “runs away from you” and burns the beans. ### Step 6: Deciding When to End the Roast Ending the roast is as simple as dumping the beans onto a cookie sheet or into a colander. But what’s difficult is knowing exactly when to cut the gas and eject the beans. ### 7. Cooling the Beans You haven’t stopped stirring, have you? Good. Once the beans have reached your desired roast level and color, simply turn off the burner and use your oven mitt to empty the beans out of the cast iron skillet onto the cookie sheet or colander. Use your wooden spoon to spread the beans across the cookie sheet, then use a magazine or something similar to fan the beans and aid cooling. If you’re using a colander, shake and/or stir the beans until they are cool to the touch. If you plan on roasting several consecutive batches of coffee in one session, or happen to be roasting in hot weather, it can be a huge help to set up a box fan to accelerate bean cooling drastically. ## Brewing and Storing Your Home-Roasted Coffee Once your coffee beans have cooled to room temperature, they’re ready to be ground, brewed, and sipped. Any beans you don’t brew in one sitting should be stored in an airtight container and kept out of direct sunlight. Try to keep the beans whole until just before brewing and keep them out of the freezer. ![finished coffee beans roasted](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/finished-roasted-coffee-picture-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)The finished product: fresh roasted coffee beans ready for the grinder. Because of the gasses in the fresh-roasted coffee, you may notice that the very first batch you brew is very bright, sour, or otherwise just “off.” Don’t throw it out just yet. Give it a day or two to let the coffee “de-gas,” as they say, before trying it again. You’ll likely find that after a few days of rest the coffee is smoother, more balanced, and overall more enjoyable, just as every cup of coffee should be. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Beans, Coffee, Green Coffee, Guy Skills, Roasting --- ### [110 Grooming Tips for Men!](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/) **Published:** September 10, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mens beauty tips grooming](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/mens-grooming-tips.jpg?resize=600%2C400&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [110 Beauty Tips for Men](#110_Beauty_Tips_for_Men) - [Men’s beauty tips you can use](#Mens_beauty_tips_you_can_use) - [Men are searching for “beauty” info](#Men_are_searching_for_%E2%80%9Cbeauty%E2%80%9D_info) - [MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: HAIR](#MENS_BEAUTY_TIPS_HAIR) - [A) Get rid of dry hair](#A_Get_rid_of_dry_hair) - [B) Stop hair loss](#B_Stop_hair_loss) - [C) Men’s hair care tips](#C_Mens_hair_care_tips) - [MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: FACE](#MENS_BEAUTY_TIPS_FACE) - [A) Moisturizing, wrinkle prevention, eyebrows](#A_Moisturizing_wrinkle_prevention_eyebrows) - [B) Beard Trimming and Shaving Tips](#B_Beard_Trimming_and_Shaving_Tips) - [MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: TEETH](#MENS_BEAUTY_TIPS_TEETH) - [A) White Teeth and Lips](#A_White_Teeth_and_Lips) - [B) Crooked, Uneven, Gap Teeth](#B_Crooked_Uneven_Gap_Teeth) - [MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: HANDS](#MENS_BEAUTY_TIPS_HANDS) - [A) Hands](#A_Hands) - [MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: BODY](#MENS_BEAUTY_TIPS_BODY) - [A) Body Hair and Manscaping](#A_Body_Hair_and_Manscaping) - [ B) Body Moisturizing for Men](#_B_Body_Moisturizing_for_Men) - [C) Men’s Penile Care: Moisturizing](#C_Mens_Penile_Care_Moisturizing) - [Penile care tips:](#Penile_care_tips) - [MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: LEGS & FEET](#MENS_BEAUTY_TIPS_LEGS_FEET) - [MEN’S ADDITIONAL BEAUTY TIPS](#MENS_ADDITIONAL_BEAUTY_TIPS) - [MYTHS ABOUT MEN’S GROOMING](#MYTHS_ABOUT_MENS_GROOMING) - [MEN’S GROOMING POLL](#MENS_GROOMING_POLL) ## **110 Beauty Tips for Men** If you’ve stumbled across this page, there’s a good chance you’re a guy searching for pointers on **men’s beauty tips**. In fact, a lot of men just like you found this page simply by typing: “Beauty tips for men” right into Google. Does this describe you? If so, you aren’t alone. I’ve found that men are eager to learn all they can about [personal care](https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1057/9780230617186_2). Specifically, guys are interested in skin care routines, hair care products and the best ways to fight signs of aging. But here’s the thing. Because of our unspoken “bro-code”, we men don’t talk to each other about such topics. We just don’t. Maybe that’s why a recent research [study](http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/features/mens-grooming-is-now-a-multi-billion-pound-worldwide-industry-a6813196.html) found that the majority of guys seek out personal care information from the privacy of their home – meaning online. Here’s a video of Aaron Marino; someone I give credit to for being super direct with his 12 men’s grooming (beauty) tips for guys. Why can’t we all be this way? ## **Men’s beauty tips you can use** As a men’s counselor that specializes in wellness issues, I completely get it. The bro-code is what is. That’s why I decided to write this article. My hope is to offer you real male grooming tips in a straight forward, easy to understand way. I’d like to give you a little background to help put things into context. ## **Men are searching for “beauty” info** Remember the “bro-code” I mentioned earlier? Because we don’t talk to one another about certain things, we’ve been left to figure some of this stuff out on our own. For years, the male personal care industry has tried to make “men’s grooming” work. But in my opinion, it’s failed miserably. Honestly, how many people do you know that say things like: “*Hey, do you have any men’s grooming tips?”* Let me guess – probably no one. I sure as heck don’t. So, until someone comes up with a term that guys search for on [how to look more handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/), I’ll be sticking with what guys input into the search engines. With that out of the way, let’s move on to why you are here! What follows are 110 men’s beauty tips for men. To help prepare this piece, I’ve consulted with a number of dermatologists and skin care experts. The goal is to give you the best advice to keep you looking sharp. We’ll start at the top of the head and work down to the feet. It just seemed like the easiest way to do it. For each suggestion, I’ve given some “how to” information plus product recommendations where necessary. The links go directly to either Amazon or product’s manufacturer. As a matter of full disclosure, I am an affiliate for Amazon and Carhartt. Just leveling with you for the sake of transparency. As you read this, keep in mind that I’ll use terms like beauty and grooming interchangeably. FYI: The 110 tips below are broken down in body segments. Let’s jump right in! ![mens hair tips for grooming and looking handsome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/mens-hair-styles.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s hair tips for looking sharp ## **MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: HAIR** ### **A) Get rid of dry hair** If you’re a man with dry hair that’s frizzed out, there could be a number of reasons for this. For example, if you live in a cold weather climate, wearing a winter hat can zap moisture from your follicles like crazy. But other things can cause damage; like shampooing every day or using a hair dryer too frequently. **Men’s Beauty Tips 1-4:** - 1) Skip daily shampooing and switch to daily conditioning. - 2) Pick up a bottle of [Rugged and Dapper](http://amzn.to/2mUmnuj) remedy conditioner. It’s made from natural ingredients and helps to restore texture, luster and shine. - Shampoo only once a week or once every other week. A high-quality product to think about is [Mancave’s](http://amzn.to/2mNfhqS) caffeine shampoo. It acts as a moisturizer without stripping your hair. Also, it encourages hair growth at the root. - In cold weather that requires you to wear a hat, consider dabbing on a little anti-frizz cream. This will keep your hair moist so you don’t develop “static hair”. Reverie – Natural Milk Anti-Frizz Leave-In Nourishing Treatment ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3Lju329)). ### **B) Stop hair loss** If you are like most men, the older you get, the more hair you lose. There are a few guys who are genetically gifted but to keep it real, most us weren’t blessed this way. If you want to prevent and stop hair loss, you’ll need to invest some money. The research shows that a combination of minoxidil and Propecia are effective against male pattern baldness. See this [research study](http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM199909233411307) from the New England Journal of Medicine to learn more. **Beauty Tips 5-7:** - To get Propecia, you will need a prescription from your doctor. - Minoxidil can be purchased over the counter. To reduce costs, consider buying in bulk. You can get a six-month supply from [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2mw5VxJ) at a reasonable price. - Some men say Biotin (vitamin B7) helps to prevent hair loss and encourage growth. Do your research on this to discover potential benefits. ### **C) Men’s hair care tips** Every guy has his own way of taking care of his hair. The problem is, many of us do it wrong. I can’t list everything here but I’ll try to hit the biggies. **Men’s Beauty Tips 8-17:** - Never “scrub dry” your hair with a towel. Instead, gently pat dry. Harsh, aggressive scrubbing movements can damage your hair follicles and in extreme cases, yank strands from their roots. - The shorter your hair, the easier it is to manage. Check out these [male celebrity hair styles](https://guycounseling.com/haircuts-for-men-7-great-celebrity-hairstyles/) for ideas. - Be careful with haircare products. When you leave them on your scalp, they can damage tiny follicles and prevent growth. - Avoid over drying your hair. Use a medium heat setting and don’t aim your dryer directly on the head. Instead, attach a [diffuser](http://amzn.to/2mxF3z5) and hold dryer so that it’s at an angle. - If your hair is getting grey and you want to liven it up, you can either go to a professional and have it dyed. You can also pick up a hair [glaze product](http://amzn.to/2mdmnSI) that’s applied in the shower. Works like a charm and doesn’t look fake. - Use sprays and gels that don’t weigh your hair down. There are tons of products to choose for men. Pantene makes great ones because the folks at Proctor and Gamble spend millions each year doing research. They know their stuff. - If you have dandruff, it’s possible you aren’t properly washing out the products from your hair. You could also suffer from eczema or seborrheic dermatitis. Talk to your doctor about this. - Most physicians recommend a coal tar extract product, like T-Gel, to treat dandruff. You can get this at most pharmacies and grocery stores. - If you can find one in your town, consider going to a barber instead of a hair stylist. [Barbers](https://guycounseling.com/barbershop-haircut-men/) are specially trained to use clippers and blades. FYI: When you locate one you like, stick with him. That’s because barbers are becoming a dying breed. ![guys grooming tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/cologne_1234.gif?resize=591%2C381&ssl=1)Facial care tips for guys ## **MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: FACE** There’s lots to cover here. To begin with, how you care for your face as a man largely depends upon your skin-type. For example, normal, oily or dry. There are several “universals” that apply to all of us. I’ve listed a few of them on this this [facial care for men page](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/). What follows is a basic run-down, broken down by issue. You’ll also find tips on beard trimming and shaving. ### **A) Moisturizing, wrinkle prevention, eyebrows** Most every man I know wants to prevent unwanted wrinkles and lines. The problem is a lot of us engage in the wrong routines and use the wrong products because we don’t know any better. Right off the bat, you need to know men’s skin tends to be thicker than our female counterparts. A major reason for this is collagen production. We simply produce more. That’s great news on the anti-aging front. The bad news is if you mistreat your skin, you’ll end up minimizing any benefits. **Men’s Beauty 18-30:** - Never use soaps on your face – ever. Most are too harsh and will strip oils and collagen from the dermal layer. Instead, use a gentle face cleanser that locks in moisture. Many guys have found Philosophy’s one step facial cleanser to be an excellent option ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/3Dl0T0B)). There are others as well to consider (see facial care for men hyperlinked page above). - If your skin is oily, it’s important to start using a cleanser with salicylic acid. You can get this product at almost any pharmacy. If you can get store brand, you should. The name brand product (for this one) are made from exactly the same ingredients. - Start exfoliating with a high-quality scrub. This will reduce the dullness on your mug and helps to dislodge debris that contributes to wrinkles. You’ll find many of these on the market but most of them are made with harsh chemicals and fillers. I highly recommend trying Men’s Science [micro-fine scrub](http://amzn.to/2nMfJEx). It’s light, easy to apply and won’t rip your skin. Use at least 2 times a week. - Start using a mask at least once a week and if you can do it twice, even better. You’ll need to do some checking around to see which is best for your needs. One product that is good for all skin types is by Brummell. It’s made from natural elements, like bentonite & kaolin clay. If you want something that reduces pore size, gets rid of excess oil and helps your face look smoother, consider this guy ([check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2Bh8uhS)). - Use a high quality facial moisturizer twice a day. Guys, I’m telling you now that this one is key. Many men find the products made by CeraVe work great. You can read all about these products on them on this [men’s anti-aging](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) Don’t forget to creams on your neck. - If you have Rosacea or are prone to red skin, talk to your doctor. An excellent product that many guys use to calm redness is Cetaphil’s Night Moisturizing cream for redness prone skin. Dermatologist recommended. I use this product and it does exactly as it says. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2omGzDa) for great price. - Start focusing on your eyes daily. One of the first places your face will show age is underneath and around the eye area. Read my page on how to get rid of [baggy eyes in men](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) and reduce wrinkles to learn more. - Use a sunblock. I won’t go on forever and a day about this because you’ve probably heard it a million times. The key thing is to apply the block on all of your face, meaning your neck and ears. Read this post on removing [sun spots](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) on the face if you’ve been struggling with this problem. - If you have stress pimples, start to incorporate acne reducing activities into your life. [See this post](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/). - Protect your face in winter with a scarf. As guys, we like to come off as rugged. But trying to look manly during winter has consequences. Generally speaking, if the temps start to dip below 25 degrees, you need to wrap your mug in a scarf. If you live in a super cold climate, I recommend a full head and neck mask. Check Carhartt to see pricing on their Liner Mask. - Trim eyebrows so they appear even. Never shave the space between eyebrows. Otherwise, you may cause a unibrow to grow. See video: “[How to trim eyebrows for men](https://youtu.be/_p1aG61TxqA)” to learn more. - To keep eyebrows neat looking in between trimmings, use a spot of beard oil or cream. Then, use a beard brush to straighten. See info on beards below for more. ## B) Beard Trimming and Shaving Tips **Men’s Beauty 31-39:** - Check out the video above for basic beard trimming tips. - If you shave daily, it’s important to use high quality, precision trimming/cutting products. This means durable and beard trimmers. - Never use the same razor blade twice. Doing so make cause a bacterial infection. - Use a skin conditioning product prior to shaving to avoid nicks and cuts. - If you have sensitive skin, use a gel or cream designed to reduce bumps and inflammation. See the many shaving products listed on this [men’s stocking filler guide](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) for ideas. - If you are going for the shorter beard look or goatee, learn how to properly shape your facial hair to achieve the desired look. See this [short beard styling](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/) guide for information. - If you wear your beard longer or if you want to achieve the classic lumberjack look, see this [lumbersexual style post](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). - Use a little beard oil with a beard brush to create a well-groomed, attractive look. Consider Grave Shave’s beard kit that includes brush, oil, balm and wash ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2oY8ehf)). - To achieve a more youthful appearance, consider coloring your beard with a product like Just for men. Available at nearly all drug stores. ![aquarius man love, dating and compatibility](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/aquarius-man.jpg?resize=600%2C381&ssl=1)Taylor Lautner: notice his teeth are bone white ## **MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: TEETH** You can have the most attractive skin in the world but if your teeth look crooked or have large gaps, they can take away from your appearance in a major way. Let’s face it, people notice when you are smiling and when you’re not. Before I move onto the tips, none of what’s suggested below will work unless you get yourself into the dentist office. As a counselor, I know how many men absolutely hate going in for checkups. But guys, I’m here to tell you that the longer you wait, the worse your teeth will get. I should know. I did this and waited years between dental visits. The end result; thousands of dollars in repairs that were 100% preventable. Read this post if you [hold dental fears](https://guycounseling.com/fear-of-dentist-8-tips/). ### **A) White Teeth and Lips** Your goal should be to have teeth that are as white as possible. You’ll also want them to look polished. Ideally, your teeth will be framed by a pair of healthy, red lips. There are a number of things you can do to make this happen. I’ll give you teeth and lip tips below. **Men’s Beauty Tips 40-48:** - Brush after every meal (if possible). I mention this because research suggests nearly a third of men admit to brushing only once a day. If this describes you, it’s time to up that number massively. - Use a high quality, fluoride toothpaste with whiteners. There are many on the market to choose from. Excellent brands include Colgate and Crest. - If you want super white teeth, consider ordering a custom teeth whiting tray kit. After you mold tray onto teeth, you ship to dental lab. They return customized trays to you that are perfectly fitted to your choppers. Several online outlets sell a product almost identical to what you see in video above. [See Amazon for example](https://amzn.to/3L2mCvX). - Floss at least once a day. An obvious point but worth mentioning because many men don’t floss. If you aren’t sure how to floss your teeth, see this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTWyx0iI01o). - Pick up a bottle of fluoride mouth wash. Most dentists recommend using ACT. It is recommended you rinse when you’re done brushing. The most important time to use this tooth saving product is just after brushing your choppers at bedtime. - Use a tooth whitening product with proven results. One of the best on the market is Active White Teeth Whitening Powder ([See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2nEQ4f4)). - Visit the dentist at least 2 times a year for cleanings. - Moisturize your lips with a balm designed to lock in moisture. Dime store Chapstick is fine but if you can get your hands on Jack Black’s intense lip therapy, even better. ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ovJGuR)). ### B) **Crooked, Uneven, Gap Teeth** If your teeth are crooked, uneven, chipped or have gaps, you have lots of options. I’m not going to lie to you, cosmetic dental work can get very expensive! The reason is most insurance companies don’t cover these types of procedures. Still, if you have a health savings plan at work or if you can afford it, it may be worth your while to have your teeth fixed so that you can smile with confidence. **Men’s Beauty Tips 49-52:** - For crooked teeth, talk to your dentist about straightening options. A lot of guys opt for Invisalign; a product that works over time to align teeth evenly. - Porcelain veneers are another option. They are placed on teeth that appear crooked or gapped. Again, not cheap but they can help to create unbelievable transformation. - For brown or yellow teeth, consider laser whitening. Your dentist can fill you in on the details. Very effective option for guys who want a super white smile. - Get teeth x-rayed once every 3-5 years to assess for bone loss. ![men;s hands care tips skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Mens-Hand-Care-Tips.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Hand Care Tips ## **MEN’S BEAUTY TIPS: HANDS** Men tend to be tactile creatures, using their hands to accomplish much work. For this reason and a host of others, the hands are one of the first areas to shows signs of old age. In this area, I’ll give you the rundown on how to keep your hands looking young with a specific focus on skin and nails. ### **A) Hands** **Men’s Beauty Tips 53-63** - Get hands professionally manicured at least once per month. - Use care when trimming nails and make sure they are the same length. Avoid pointy edges when trimming. - If your hands are rough and dry, consider soaking them in warm water and olive oil for 10 minutes, two days per week. - Use gloves designed to deliver and seal in moisture. You can buy these online [via Amazon.](https://amzn.to/3eyMZxf) - Always wear winter gloves when the weather turns cold. - If doing manual labor, construction or household renovations, pick up a pair of Jersey gloves and use them. Most hardware stores carry. - When camping, hunting or hiking, carry a pair of heavy duty work gloves. - At least twice a day, apply a high-quality moisturizer to your hands. Brickell’s sells a great men’s product. Check online at [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2oC9NQB) for pricing. - When outdoors, even for short periods of time, apply a moisturizer with a SPF sunblock of 30 or higher. This will prevent sunspots and wrinkling. - Use a moisturizing cleanser when washing hands and avoid harsh soaps. If possible, try to apply a hand moisturizer afterwards. - If you visit the gym and use free weights or machines, always wear gym gloves. You can get these at any sports store. ![Men's Skin Tips for Body](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-main-photo.jpg?resize=587%2C368&ssl=1)Men’s skin tips for body ## **MEN’S** **BEAUTY TIPS: BODY** As men, we often forget the importance of taking care of the skin below the neckline. That’s a shame because you need to think of your skin as one big organ. In fact, most experts agree it’s the largest organ of the body. In this part of the grooming guide, I’m going to walk you through the particulars for different parts of your upper and lower torso with a focus on skincare and appearance. ### **A) Body Hair and Manscaping** **Tips 64-67:** - If you are a guy with excessive body hair and want to manscape at home, you’ll need to use a number of high quality products. See this [men’s guide](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) on how to trim your privates for more information. - If you have back hair and it bothers you, there are ways to have this removed. One option is through laser treatments. Visit your dermatologist for more information. - If you want to remove hair from the back at home, you can. The Body Groomer is a favorite of many. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2oypAhm) for price. - If you want to remove the hair from your buttocks area, you’ll need to use special care. For specifics on how to shave your butt, visit this [buttocks hair removal](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/) page for men. ###  **B) Body Moisturizing for Men** **Men’s Beauty Tips 68-75:** - Always use a moisturizer after showering or bathing. There are many on the market to choose from and the product you use needs to be linked to your skin type (dry, oily, normal). - Avoid time in the sun if possible to prevent skin damage. If you simply can’t avoid it, use a sunblock with a minimum of SPF 30. - Avoid tanning beds and instead, opt for a sunless tanner. You can pick these up at most drug stores. - When showering, do not use “soaps”. Instead, opt for a moisturizing cleanser. I’ve created a giant page on the [best body washes with moisturizers for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/). - Occasionally, use a loofa sponge when showering as an exfoliator. This will remove dead skin cells and other debris to deliver softer, more supple skin. - Consider an exfoliating body scrub for men at least once a week. - If you go for massage regularly, ask your masseur to use an oil that doesn’t clog pores. - During cold weather, always double or triple layer to keep torso covered. Below zero temperatures can rob your dermal layer of moisture – instantly. ### **C) Men’s Penile Care: Moisturizing** This may seem like an odd area to cover when giving men’s beauty tips but it’s critical we touch on it. Just like the rest of your body, your penis is covered by skin. The problem is most guys don’t moisturize this area of the body because they don’t think it’s important. In truth, penile care is linked to how it appears and how it feels during functioning. ### **Penile care tips:** **Men’s Beauty Tips 76-80:** - Always wash your penis with moisturizing cleanser (see area above). - After showering or bathing, apply a moisturizer that is specifically designed for this area. Many men swear by a product called Man1 Oil. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2p5EtLp) for pricing. - When in cold weather, make sure your privates are properly layered. There have been cases of men getting frostbite and losing their manhood per government [reports](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/556640). - Use caution when manscaping in this area for obvious reasons. - Use caution with zippers and always use a slow motion when zipping up. ![men's leg skin care](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/mens-leg-care-skin.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s grooming tips legs and feet ## **MEN’S** **BEAUTY TIPS: LEGS & FEET** If you are a guy, there’s a good chance you wear shorts during warm weather. Not to generalize, you probably also don’t focus on this area when moisturizing. I’m listing here because the legs are an important area of focus as part of total men’s skin care. **Men’s Beauty Tips: 81-90:** - When wearing shorts outdoors, apply a moisturizer that contains a SPF 30 sunblock or higher. - During wintertime, it’s important to apply extra moisturizer to your legs because extremities (legs) are one of the first body parts to chaff. Opt for “extra strength” products, such as the ones made by the folks at Gold bond. - If you are wearing socks (short or high) make sure you apply additional moisturizer around the ankles. - If you manscape your legs, always use a fresh razor with the right shaving product (see area A under manscapping ). - Trim toenails at least once a month with a durable clipper. - Consider getting a pedicure from time to time. More and more, guys are doing this. - To remove excess skin from the heel of your foot and around the pads, pick up a pumas stone. You can get these at many drug stores. - If you have rough heels, consider soaking in warm water for at least 15 minutes. - Use foot powder in your shoes to keep feet dry. Some men sprinkle into their sox. - Moisturize your feet like any body part. Do this after every shower and be sure to cover the entire foot. ![Men's Beauty Tips: Bonus Tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s grooming tips bonus info ## **MEN’S ADDITIONAL BEAUTY TIPS** Now that we’ve covered the entire body from head to toe, it’s time to move on to general beauty and grooming tips for guys. Some of these you may already know. Others might surprise you! **Men’s Beauty Tips: 91-110:** - Use a woody cologne to broadcast a manly vibe. See this guide for the [best cologne options](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) for men. - Don’t smoke cigarettes because they are scientifically known to cause premature aging and hair loss. - Apply a retinol moisturizer to your face and neck several times a week. This helps to encourage collagen growth. There are many on the market. Elimis makes an excellent product for men. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ohZD4c). - Drink at least 10 glasses of water per day to keep your body hydrated. - Avoid sugary soft drinks as they are known to rob the skin of vital nutrients. - Take a men’s multi-vitamin as the nutrients will help to replenish important stores of Vitamin A, C and E in your dermal layer. - Consider drinking a cup of green tea each day. The anti-oxidants are known to replenish skin and kill free radicals. - Use the right type of brush on your hair. - If you want to color your hair, you can do it at home but your best option is to visit a professional stylist. - Be mindful of posture. Over the course of time, slouching can cause your bone structure to give you an “old man” look. - If you have light colored eyes, like [hazel or green](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/), wear sunglasses. Research shows men with lighter eye shade colors are more prone to certain ocular cancers. - Make sure you have the right grooming kit with you when traveling. See my [men’s grooming kit](https://guycounseling.com/mens-grooming-kit-options/) ideas page for more insight. - Don’t forget to trim around your ear canal and earlobes. - Tilt your head in mirror and assess nose hair situation. If you see hairs sticking out, use a trimmer to remove. - Consider using a collagen mask from time to time to restore lost collagen stores on the face. - Some men opt for Botox as a pathway to wrinkle prevention. - Dermal fillers may be an option for hollowed out eyes, temples and cheeks. Talk to your dermatologist. ![Men's Beauty Myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/handsome-man-attractive.jpeg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Beauty Myths and Grooming Myths ## **MYTHS ABOUT MEN’S GROOMING** Because of the taboo I mentioned at the beginning of this article, there exists a number of myths connected to men, beauty and grooming. Here are a few of the biggies: - Men who pay attention to appearance are arrogant. - Guys who are into self-care are narcissists. - Men who are into grooming can’t be straight. - Men’s beauty is a nascent industry. - European guys don’t focus on grooming. - Women’s skincare products are the same as men’s. ## **MEN’S GROOMING POLL** Just for fun, I’m including a poll below that is fairly direct. It asks how much you focus on self-care and grooming as a guy. Your vote is completely confidential. Nobody will ever know you visited this men’s beauty tips page. For real 🙂 Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling. Please like us on social media **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Beauty Tips, Eye Care, eyes, Face Care Men, Grooming Tips, men's skin care, Personal Care, Skin --- ### [Chris Hemsworth Style Guide With Pictures](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-style-guide-men/) **Published:** September 10, 2022 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![chris hemsworth style](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/chris-hemsworth-2.jpg?resize=800%2C451&ssl=1) ## **Chris Hemsworth Style Guide** Are you a fan of Chris Hemsworth? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. In truth, I’ve been following this Australian born actor for years, long before he became *Thor*. I first became aware of his work when he appeared as George Kirk in the iconic franchise, *Star Trek*. That was back in 2009 when Paramount rebooted the entire movie endeavor on the silver screen. Since that time, I’ve watched all of his [films](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1165110/). That’s right. We’re talking everything from *A Perfect Getaway* to *Cabin in the Woods*. I’ve even gone back to check out some of his early television appearances. To keep it real, women dig this guy and men want to be him. Yes, he has an amazing physique and his “[Thor’s Beard](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/)” is legendary, but beyond the obvious, this dude vibes masculine and rugged. ![chris hemsworth boots jeans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/chris-hemsworth-boots.jpg?resize=783%2C560&ssl=1)Dark jeans, shirt and boots for Chris Hemsworth ## **Chris Hemsworth Style** If you follow Chris Hemsworth, you already know the guy isn’t a wardrobe showoff. In fact, he’s just the opposite – down to earth with a basic, manly presence. You really only see him dressed up and snazzy when it’s super necessary, like a Hollywood party where button-down shirts and suits are the protocol. Even then, he’s opts for traditional and classic. Given interest in this actor, I thought it might be helpful to blog about my personal observations with this man so that you can replicate his look in your own life. I’ll kick things off with some biographical information and then move on to more specifics. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-hemsworth-style.jpg?resize=529%2C781&ssl=1)Basic colors for Chris Hemsworth style ## **Guy File: Chris Hemsworth** Birthday: August 11, 1983. Melbourne, Australia Height: 6’3 Eye Color: [Darkish Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) Zodiac Sign: [Leo man persona](https://guycounseling.com/leo-men-personality-compability-revealed/) Body Type: Athletic > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BRfb9OwhabA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **Body Snapshot** Obviously, we’ve got to state that Chris Hemsworth doesn’t have your average build. To play the role of Thor as one of the Avengers, he regularly trains his 6’3 frame to get super big. There are plenty of articles on this site that explore various workouts, like concentration curls; something he likely does regularly to get huge biceps. But that’s not what this post is all about. Instead, the focus is on Chris Hemsworth’s style. The reason I’m mentioning his physique is that his body is important to his clothing choices. ![Chris Hemsworth jeans tshirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/chris-hemworth-tshirt.jpg?resize=391%2C574&ssl=1) ## **Solid Colors – Basic Look** When assessing what he wears during casual time, he seems to gravitate towards primary colors that are dark and masculine. Specifically, I’m talking about blues, greens, browns and dark reds. Additionally, his attire is generally loose fitting. There are some who may disagree because the star seems fit into his pants and shirts like a glove. But that typically is an illusion of the camera. On closer inspection, you’ll see there’s extra room. Here’s the thing with Chris Hemsworth – the guy doesn’t like his clothes to cling to him like rubber. This is true for a lot of guys who make fitness part of their daily life. In this way, skin breathes, allowing the person to move about freely. ![chris hemsworth handsome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-medium-hair.jpg?resize=575%2C858&ssl=1)Christ Hemsworth in a grey three piece suit. Photo credit: Deposit photos![Chris H](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-H-6.jpg?resize=554%2C831&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth Style: Solid Colors. Credit: Deposit photos ## **Chris Hemsworth Styling on Instagram** When you visit Chris’s [Instagram account](https://www.instagram.com/chrishemsworth/?hl=en), be sure to scroll around and click on the different pictures. You’ll see lots of images of the star, mostly in casual wear and shorts while hanging on the beach. But look closely at the snaps. He’s wearing very basic clothing. We’re talking white t-shirts and Levi’s boot cut blue jeans ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Lo9fXu)). And then you have his sunglasses. In most cases, he’s sporting gold-rimmed aviator glasses with an amber frame to keep out harmful UV rays. There are tons of shade choices to choose from but I suspect his are polarized in the same way pilots wear ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3cZJ0cV)). And footwear? Well, the truth is he doesn’t like to wear any when given the chance. I’m only saying that because in many of his photos, that happens to be the case. When he does wear sneakers, they are usually comfortable and roomy. Examples include a pair of Pumas. But when it comes to basic casual wear for running around town, more often than not you’ll see him in something [rugged – like boots](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). As mentioned previously, he’s not a showboat. ![Chris Hemsworth hair and beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/chris-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth hair and beard ## **Hair and Beard** So, here’s the thing about Chris Hemsworth – his hairstyle and beard reflect his personality. Again, think down to earth and masculine. For the longest time, he wore his hear long. But as time went on and his role as Thor evolved, the hair got shorter. Now, he’s sporting a cropped look. I suspect that he has highlights infused into his hair; something that isn’t all that uncommon for blonds. Given that he is aging, I also suspect he does something to camouflage the greys. [See this grey hair men page](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/) to learn more. His beard has pretty much remained the same – short and trimmed well around the jawline. It’s possible he is using something to color his facial hair while filling in the patches. Hard to know – just a guess. ![Chris Hemsworth suit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/chris-hemsworth-suit.jpg?resize=471%2C595&ssl=1)Open collar style when Chris goes formal![Chris Hemsworth Style Guide](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-Hemsworth-1.jpg?resize=556%2C857&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth in grey suite, short hair and beard. Credit: Deposit photos![Chris 2](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-2-medium.jpg?resize=544%2C825&ssl=1)Chris in solid colors – dark. . Photo Credit Deposit Photos ## **Formal Look** There are times when Thor needs to go formal. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, his look is traditional and manly. Think dark greys, deep blues, and occasionally, black. What’s interesting is that he isn’t one for ties. Sure, he wears them when necessary. But in looking at his pictures, he seems to like the open collar style. His dress shoes are also traditional. In fact, I’m willing to wager that he knows a thing or two about [how to vibe handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) with classic clothing. ![chris longer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Chris-H-2.jpg?resize=479%2C706&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth liked masculine tones. Photo credit: Deposit photos ## Chris Hemsworth Style Poll Just for fun, I have created a very unscientific poll that asks you about what you like most about Chris Hemsworth’s style. You can only vote once, so think carefully! \[poll id=”17″\] ## **Rugged Masculine Tones** The key thing to remember with Chris Hemsworth is that the guy prefers to come off extremely masculine. In this way, his laid-back attire matches his easy going personality. In many ways, Chris Hemsworth mirrors another superhero star, [Chris Evans (Captain America](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-style-guide/)). I hope you found this guide helpful. Thanks so much for stopping by! **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Men's Style **Tags:** Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Style Guide, Superhero --- ### [Grey Hair - Why Men Go Grey and How to Deal With It](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/) **Published:** September 10, 2022 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![Grey hair in men - Taylor Kinney ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/tahylor-kinney-31-678x381.png?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Grey hair happens for all men. Here’s why.](#Grey_hair_happens_for_all_men_Heres_why) - [Why Men Go Grey?](#Why_Men_Go_Grey) - [Genetics and Men Going Grey](#Genetics_and_Men_Going_Grey) - [Anxiety and Stress](#Anxiety_and_Stress) - [Lifestyle and Medical Factors](#Lifestyle_and_Medical_Factors) - [Can Premature Greying Be Prevented?](#Can_Premature_Greying_Be_Prevented) - [Anti-Aging Supplements for Grey Hair](#Anti-Aging_Supplements_for_Grey_Hair) - [Coloring Your Grey with Hair Dye](#Coloring_Your_Grey_with_Hair_Dye) - [Haircuts Matter](#Haircuts_Matter) - [And Grey Beards?](#And_Grey_Beards) - [Staying on Top of the Greys](#Staying_on_Top_of_the_Greys) ## Grey hair happens for all men. Here’s why. Searching for information on men with grey hair? Have you noticed your head is turning shades of salt and pepper? Trying to understand why you are going grey? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The hard to truth is most men will develop grey hair at some point in life. There are a number of reasons this happens, including your unique genetic makeup, lifestyle factors, and stress. And let’s be honest – even though people say people say the “Silver Daddy” look is sexy, most of us prefer to stay with our natural hair color for as long as possible. Now don’t get me wrong. Some men with a touch of silver look totally amazing. An example can be found in actor Taylor Kinney, one of the stars on Chicago Fire. ![ryan reynolds grey hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/ryan-reynolds-grey-hair-619x381.png?resize=619%2C381&ssl=1)Ryan Reynolds has touches of grey in his hair Given the focus of this post, I’m going to walk you through the specifics on why men get hair and more importantly, what to do about it. **In this article, you will learn:** - The science of grey hair in men - Why men develop strands of silver - Factors that contribute to going grey - Men’s hair coloring options and dyes Bear in mind that hair color (as in the hair on your head) is completely different from beard hair. If you are looking for insight on that topic, read this [beard coloring review post](https://guycounseling.com/just-for-men-beard-dye-review/). ## Why Men Go Grey? The clinical research tells us that by the age of 50, most men will develop grey hair (Genetics Home Reference, 2017). Your hair color is determined by a pigment called melanin; a substance that hair follicles produce. Hair follicles are dynamic structures that reside in the dermal layer of your skin and made up of 20 unique cells. As you age, these follicles produce less melanin, thereby reducing color pigmentation. FYI: Melanin is the same substance that is partially responsible for eye color (i.e. [brown eyes](https://guycounseling.com/brown-eyes/), green eyes, and so forth). Some men will start to notice grey hair atop their head in their 20’s. More will spot whitish patches in their 30’s. And by the time you are 40, you will likely see (some) salt and pepper set in. ![charles bronson train death wish 1974](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/charles-bronson-train-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Charles Bronson had some grey going on ## Genetics and Men Going Grey So, you may be wondering what causes men to develop grey hair? More importantly, is there anything you can do about it? Well, sit tight because you are about to find out the answers. The primary reason you are going grey relates to genetics. Think of this as your biological time clock; the apparatus that controls the aging process. The engine of genetics is heredity; a ten-dollar term used to describe the physical characteristics passed on from one generation to the next. Men who are caucasian tend to go greyer sooner, followed by Asians. African American men are next. Finally, guys with red hair start losing color before anyone else. I’ll talk more about genetics but a great way to determine the way your hair will go is by looking at family photos. Focus on the men and women since both are needed for your genetic makeup. ![men with grey hair coloring options](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-3.jpg?resize=587%2C368&ssl=1)Stress, anxiety and grey hair ## Anxiety and Stress Believe it or not, you really can accelerate the aging process and by extension, the development of grey hair, due to stress. But instinctively, doesn’t this make sense? We know that [Telogen effluvium](https://www.dermnetnz.org/topics/telogen-effluvium/), the clinical condition that causes the onset of sudden hair loss, is largely influenced by the release of mass stress hormones. When this happens, hair can start to come out in clumps. Molecular biologists believe that anxiety may have a negative impact on the secretion of stress hormones, which can send mixed signals to melanocytes – the substance that instructs your hair follicles to express color. Ever notice you have strands of grey that crop up in patches? This could be a result of genetics or, perhaps, the byproduct of stress. If you are looking for natural ways to cope with anxiety, it may help to explore healthy ways of coping. Be sure to read this post on [how men make anxiety worse](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/) for pointers. ![brad pitt grey hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/brad-pitt-grey-hair.jpg?resize=491%2C497&ssl=1)Brad Pitt has silver hair too – look closely ## Lifestyle and Medical Factors Some men develop grey hair because of certain lifestyle factors. These include but are not limited to: - Smoking - A vitamin B-12 deficiency - A thyroid problem - An autoimmune disorder - Vitiligo - Alcohol abuse and addiction If you are a man who is under the age of 35 and worried about your hair turning hair loss, it’s best to consult with your doctor. If there is a medical issue going on, there’s a good chance that treatment can reverse the problem. Should lifestyle changes need to take place, you may find a few adjustments could reap major rewards. Sadly, genetic causes of greying can’t be changed. That said, men do appear to be slowing down the aging process naturally according to a recent scientific study. **Related:** [How to look more handsome and attractive](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) ![anderson cooper grey hair](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/anderson-cooper-grey-hair.jpg?resize=564%2C454&ssl=1)Anderson Cooper went grey early ## Can Premature Greying Be Prevented? A question you and a lot of men what to know is how to halt premature greying. Here’s the truth – there’s no way to stop father time from marching on. Heredity is what it is and works on its own time frame. That said, there is a lot you can do to live healthier, which directly impacts your quality of life. This is critical because the healthier you are, the **more you can preserve** what you’ve got on top (meaning the amount of hair you have and its color). Make sense? ## Anti-Aging Supplements for Grey Hair You are probably wondering if there are any anti-aging supplements you can take to promote a more youthful look and slow down the aging process. **Related:** [10 anti-aging hacks for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) As mentioned earlier, you really can’t stop heredity from doing its thing. But you can take supplements that are thought to reduce the number of free-radicals in your body; unstable molecules that experts believe accelerates to the aging process. Here are some suggestions. **Multi-Vitamin** If you are like most men, you probably aren’t getting all of the nutrition your body needs. Let’s face it, most of us don’t have time to prepare several meals a day and do so in a way that gives us the recommended amounts of vitamins and minerals. That’s why it’s important to take a supplement that makes up for the deficits. You will find plenty of products on the market. Personally, I like the Vita Medica’s anti-aging supplement. Check with [Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/3L1Y7PA). What I like about this supplement is that it gives you everything you need nutritionally with a focus on cell health. Notice the high amount of biotin in the product; something your hair and nails need to grow. It’s also made from natural sources and not the synthetic crap we see from mass manufactures. **Fish Oil** There is evidence to suggest fish oil is a powerful anti-aging supplement. The folks at Live Strong report that the omega-3 fatty acids in fish oil help to support stronger follicular growth. Translation: Stronger, more vibrant hair means healthier, more youthful hair. You can get fish oil at almost any supermarket or pharmacy. If you decide to do this, opt for something natural like Nature Made ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2rpOFgn)). **Other Greying Factors** Your hair has vitamin D in it but that doesn’t mean you should hang out in the sun to get more. In fact, too much exposure to the sun can damage your hair cuticle and cause discoloration. Over the course of time, solar UV rays from the sun can make your hair brittle and even cause hair loss, according to a [report](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/best-ways-to-protect-your-hair-from-sun-damage/) from the Cleveland Clinic. Finally, smoking cigarettes is terrible for your hair. Yes, it is bad for your skin too (and the rest of your body) but specifically, the toxins in cigarettes have been scientifically shown to cause premature greying and hair loss. If you are trying to stop smoking, work with your doctor to develop a plan. The current body of research suggests the process of quitting cigs requires a multi-prong approach. ![hair loss men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-hair-loss-balding.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Hair coloring options for men ## Coloring Your Grey with Hair Dye Are you thinking about coloring your hair with a dye? Well, you aren’t alone. In fact, most of the men you see on television in movies who are over 35 do. If you are thinking about coloring, I’m going to give you some serious tips. To start off, you need to pull out a mirror and conduct a realistic review of your mane. Ask yourself the following: - Do I have just a few greys scattered here and there? - Am I going grey in patches that are super noticeable? - Is my hair discolored in tone with uneven areas? If you just have a few white strands, you may not need to dye your hair. Instead, it may be best to reach for something that camouflages the greys. **Just a few strands – Camouflage** Should this be the case, consider picking up a bottle of hair glaze made by John Frieda ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2JUaWKS)). What’s great about this product is that it doesn’t deposit permanent coloring. Instead, the glaze infuses temporary color when you rinse. Don’t hold me to it but I’d say it lasts 48-hours or so (based on my own personal experience). **Lots of greys – Color It** If your hair is starting to turn white, it may be best to start coloring it. You can go to a professional stylist for this and have them do it for you. But if you aren’t looking to spend a wad of cash, you can do it on your own. Yep, that’s right – you can color your hair yourself. You are probably wondering what product to use? There are lots of choices on the market. Personally, I will not use any of the dyes made by Just for Men (I will use their beard coloring). I can only speak for myself when I tell you that their dye causes my hair to get super brittle. It has also made my scalp itch like crazy. Here is what I do use: Garnier Nutrisse Nourishing Hair Color Crème ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2jytGog)). Yes, this product is marketed to women but hair is hair and responds the same, regardless of gender. I guess what you are hearing me is this: **don’t be fooled by the marketing**. Just because the box has a chick on it does not mean men can’t use it. And I am here to tell you that Garnier’s product works a heck of a lot better than that crappy stuff Just for Men makes (no offense JFM). FYI: Before you ever apply hair coloring, always check to make sure you aren’t allergic. Do a simple skin patch test 24-hours in advance to see if you have a reaction. I’m putting a video up so that you can see how you can do this on your own. Now I admit the guy coloring his hair is young but he does give sound advice. Oh, by the way – notice he’s using a product with a lady on it. I mention only to prove my earlier point about the face on the box not mattering. ## Haircuts Matter Finally, how you style your hair, regardless of its color, **really matters.** A lot of guys go to stylists for their grooming needs. Personally, I prefer an old-fashioned barber. That’s not a knock against hair stylists. Call me old school but I just like more traditional cuts. If you are looking for some ideas on how to shape your hair, check out these [male celebrity hairstyles](https://guycounseling.com/haircuts-for-men-7-great-celebrity-hairstyles/). ## And Grey Beards? If you are getting grey hairs on your head, there’s a good chance your whiskers are turning white, too. If you shave every day, it’s not a big deal. But if you don’t – you may want to think about beard coloring. Should this be the case, I will recommend Just for Men. They make an amazing product that does a great job. The trick is to match the right dye to your natural color. **More:** [Chris Hemsworth Hair (Thor) Beard Style Guide](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) If you have never dyed your beard before and aren’t sure where to start, I’ve posted a video that walks you through the process. Guys, coloring your beard is a lot easier than you think. Trust me – I do it twice a week. ## Staying on Top of the Greys Finally, I’m going to share that once you start coloring your hair (on top of your head or beard) it’s a process you must commit to. This means staying on top of maintenance and recognizing hair care isn’t a one-time deal. I know it probably sucks to hear this but I’m just being real with you. Hopefully, the information shared in this post has helped you to understand why you are getting grey and what you can do about it. I can’t emphasize this enough. Lifestyle factors really do matter when it comes to aging. Try to live as healthy as you can. Cut down on stress and make sure you are getting the supplements your hair and skin needs to look its best. Thanks for stopping by. \[poll id=”16″\] References: Genetics Home Reference. (2017). *Is hair color determined by genetics?* Retrieved from Genetics Home Reference: https://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/primer/traits/haircolor **Categories:** Field Notes, Men's Style **Tags:** Beard, Color, Grey, Hair, Hairstyle --- ### [8 Management Leadership Theories Made Simple](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-theories-made-simple/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![leadership theories](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/leadership-theories.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Learn about management leadership theories**  Hunting for information on [management leadership theories](http://www.jstor.org/stable/3100322)? Hoping to learn about the psychology of leadership? Are you trying to grasp the basics of leadership psychology? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been fascinated with leadership studies. It’s part of the reason I was motivated to earn an undergraduate in management and later, a master of business administration (MBA). One of the top questions I get from students in organizational psychology classes is: *What makes a great leader?* Learners also want to know the specific personality traits that make someone better suited to take charge. Over the years, I’ve learned there is a significant difference between [managers vs. leaders](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-leaders-differ-from-managers/). That’s because, **managers administer whereas leaders innovate**. If you are currently enrolled in a business class or taking leadership courses, there’s a good chance you’ll be asked to explore the different styles of leadership. What’s important that you know is this: Leadership is both an art and science. It’s also an evolving field of study that that’s relatively new. We’re talking the last 100 years so, give or take. Some of the first leadership theories developed were focused on specific qualities that differentiated between leaders and followers. Newer theories explored other variables like skill levels and situational factors. Given the complexities of this topic, I thought it might be helpful to create an easy resource that helps you to better understand the current constructs, broken down into eight main leadership theories. ## Leadership Theories: Pros and Cons | Leadership Theory | Pro | Con | |---|---|---| | Great Man Theories | Inspirational | Outdated | | Trait Theories | Explains some leadership traits | Unable to differentiate from non-leaders | | Situational Leadership Theories | Multi-factorial | May lean too hard on authoritarian | | Contingency Theories | Adaptable | Not all leaders can adap | | Behavioral Theories | Promotes learning and observation | Won't work if person isn't motivated | | Transactional Theories | Directive with clear-cut expectations | Followers may not like directive approach | | Participative Leadership | Consensus focused | Prone to group think | | Transformational Theories | Motivational and inspirational | Can be used for destructive purposes | ### 1. Great Man Theories of Leadership This leadership theory suggests that some people are born to lead. In other words, a person is gifted inherent traits that make them uniquely suited to lead others. Some example characteristics include intelligence, confidence, charisma, and social skills. When combined, they swirl together to create a great leader. An example of someone who might fit into this construct is [President John F. Kennedy](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/). At their core, great man theories operate on the belief that leadership skills are a function of heredity. Experience is not factored into the equation. Instead, great leaders are born – not made. Many of these theories place the person on a pedestal and assign near mythic qualities. They also are destiny based, meaning the individual rises to power when needed. Current thinking suggests this is an outdated theory because it’s usually tied to gender roles. That’s because, at one time, leadership fell under the exclusive purview of males. This is particularly applied to military leadership. ### 2. Trait Theories of Leadership In the early 1900s, researchers examined the traits of people who were thought of as great leaders. Similar in nature to the great man theory mentioned above, trait theories operate under the belief that effective leaders are born with specific characteristics. **The primary traits include:** - Intelligence: Verbal, perceptual, and reasoning skills. - Self-confidence: High [sense of self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) and abilities. - Determination: Highly focused on goal completion. - Integrity: Honest, trustworthy, and responsible. - Sociability: Outgoing, interactive, and friendly. There have been many criticisms of this theory because researchers assert there’s no way to differentiate these traits from leaders and followers (Ludden & Capozzoli, 2000). In truth, there are many people who possess the characteristics described above who never seek out leadership positions. ![career coach chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/white-shirt-and-tie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Situational Leadership. Photo credit – Pexels ### 3. Situational Theories of Leadership A widely recognized leadership theory is the Situational Leadership Theory developed by Hersey and Blanchard. Researchers operated under the basic premise that different situations require different leadership styles (Hughes, Ginnett, & Curphy, 2008). In many ways, this is an adaptable approach to leadership because it contains both directive and supportive dimensions. Application largely depends upon the follower dynamics. If the leader is considered to be the most experienced and knowledgeable on a given topic, an authoritarian style of leading is employed. Where followers are considered to be more skilled, a democratic style is used. **Authoritarian approaches:** - Involve mostly one-way communication and are directive. - Are concerned with goal-setting. - Show how goals are to be achieved. - Use various forms of evaluation. - Are time-line driven. - Contain defined goals. **Democratic styles:** - Involve two-way communication. - Are supportive of followers. - Encourage input from everyone. - Are concerned with problem solving. - Involve a high degree of listening. Many researchers feel situational leadership theories are practical in nature, particularly in organizational settings. When democratic styles are employed, they also can help with employee development. ### 4. Contingency Theories of Leadership Developed by Fred Fiedler and associates, the contingency model suggests that environmental factors are key to leadership effectiveness. In short, contingency theories proffers that the most appropriate leadership style is linked to whether the overall situation is favorable or unfavorable to the person. As the situation changes, the requirements of the leader also must change. Three elements are key to this model: - Leader-follower relations: If followers trust, like and get along with the leader, the dynamic is defined as good. On the other hand, if the atmosphere is abrasive, untrusting, and unfriendly, the relations are considered poor. - Task-structure: A $10.00 term used to describe the degree to which requirements of a given task are clearly spelled out. Tasks that are highly structured give more control to the leader. The less structure offered the less leadership control. - Position power: This refers to the amount of authority a leader has to reward followers or punish them. Power is considered high when leaders can hire, fire, and determine compensation levels. When the leader doesn’t have these abilities, power is considered weak. A strength of this approach is the that it is predictive in nature. It also doesn’t require the person to be all things to all people. A weakness of the contingency theory is it doesn’t explain why individuals are more effective in some situations than others. ![mens style guide budget](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Behavioral leadership. Photo credit: Pexels Photos ### 5. Behavioral Theories of Leadership Completely opposite of the great man theories are the behavioral theories. Under this dynamic, the belief is that leaders are made and not born. The operative word is *behavior*. In other words, the focus is on what the leader does and not the psychological qualities or inherent traits. Behavioral theories proffer that a person can learn to be a great leader through coaching, teaching, and observation. A key component of behavioral theories is the degree to which an individual is motivated to learn from mistakes and receive feedback. ### 6. Transactional Theories of Leadership This approach to leadership, also known as management theories of leadership, focuses on workplace issues. Specifically, supervision, organization and group performance. Basic tenants of transactional leadership include: - Followers do best when a clear chain of command exists. - Extrinsic reward systems help to motivate. - Punishment acts as a deterrent to unproductive behaviors. - Following leader directives are paramount. - Followers must be regularly evaluated to assess goal attainment. While this approach to leadership is common in the workplace, it’s also used in team sports. Athletes are expected to abide by team rules and expectations. Winning and losing is clear-cut, which is exclusively linked to performance. When you reflect upon of transactional leaders, think of a quarterback informing players where to be during a given play and when to be there. It’s [alpha based](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/), meaning this one is all about telling followers what to do – and when to do it. ### 7. Participative Leadership Theories Like the name suggests, participative leadership encourages the input of followers. Often employed in environments where creativity is required, this approach actively solicits idea sharing and is solution focused. In this dynamic, the leader still holds the power and is the final decision maker. That said, the leader’s power is not flaunted. Using consensus, the leader works as a collaborator with others to achieve goals. The benefit to this style of leadership is that followers are offered a high degree of autonomy while also feeling emotionally connected to the leader and stated goal. An example might be President Abraham Lincoln; a leader who regularly sought the feedback of others on important matters of state. Learn more about [Abraham Lincoln’s accomplishments](https://guycounseling.com/abraham-lincoln-accomplishments/). ### 8. Transformational Theories of Leadership This approach is also known as relationship theories of leadership. Almost exclusively, the emphasis is placed on the connections between followers and leaders. Transformational leader-types are concerned with the greater good and encourage the need to belong. Often, these types of leaders have: - **Charisma:** A magnetic quality that makes followers want to follow a leader and buy into their vision of the future. - **Ability to inspire**: Creates a motivating environment that encourages commitment to the shared vision of the team or organization. - **Stimulation skills:** Encourages followers to be creative and innovative while challenging beliefs. As a result, followers often think of themselves as agents of change. - **Coach:** Creates a supportive, affirming environment where the leader carefully listens to each member of the team. Feedback is given supportively as opposed to flat-out criticism. As a result, followers grow and become more competent. The primary strength of the transformational approach style is that it has an intuitive appeal to followers. In other words, this is what most people want in their leaders. A weakness of this approach is that it can be used for destructive purposes. History is replete with transformational leaders who used their trans-figurative powers for evil purposes. ## Bringing It All Together Now that you know the different domains of leadership, you are in a better position to evaluate how each comes to bear in different organizational settings. Keep in mind there is no simple recipe for effective leadership. Much depends upon the situation and obviously, the person. **References:** Hughes, R., Ginnett, R., & Curphy, G. (2008). *Leadership: Enhancing the lessons of experience.* Upper Saddle River, NJ: Tata McGraw Hill. Ludden, L., & Capozzoli, T. (2000). *Supervisor savvy.* Indianapolis: Jist Publishing . Moore, J. (2017, September 1). *7 Ways Leaders Differ From Managers*. Retrieved from Psychcentral: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/09/leaders-managers-differences/ Main Photo: Pexels **Categories:** Career, Guy Skills **Tags:** Business, Leadership. Work, Management, Personality, supervisor --- ### [15 Amazing Accomplishments of Theodore Roosevelt](https://guycounseling.com/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Theodore Roosevelt Accomplishments](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments.jpeg?resize=686%2C385&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Accomplishments of Theodore Roosevelt](#Accomplishments_of_Theodore_Roosevelt) - [Theodore Roosevelt Quick Facts](#Theodore_Roosevelt_Quick_Facts) - [Video on Theodore Roosevelt](#Video_on_Theodore_Roosevelt) - [1. The Youngest President to Date](#1_The_Youngest_President_to_Date) - [2 Nobel Peace Prize Winner](#2_Nobel_Peace_Prize_Winner) - [3. The Meat Inspection Act & Pure Food and Drug Act](#3_The_Meat_Inspection_Act_Pure_Food_and_Drug_Act) - [4. The Roosevelt Corollary](#4_The_Roosevelt_Corollary) - [5. Medal of Honor Recipient](#5_Medal_of_Honor_Recipient) - [6. National Parks](#6_National_Parks) - [7. Roosevelt’s Square Deal](#7_Roosevelts_Square_Deal) - [8. The Elkins and Hepburn Acts](#8_The_Elkins_and_Hepburn_Acts) - [9. Low Inflation](#9_Low_Inflation) - [10. The Panama Canal](#10_The_Panama_Canal) - [11. The Newlands Reclamation Act](#11_The_Newlands_Reclamation_Act) - [12. Strengthened the U.S. Navy](#12_Strengthened_the_US_Navy) - [13. America’s First Brown Belt in Judo](#13_Americas_First_Brown_Belt_in_Judo) - [14. Got First Workmen’s Compensation Laws Passed](#14_Got_First_Workmens_Compensation_Laws_Passed) - [15. Created the U.S. Forest Service](#15_Created_the_US_Forest_Service) - [Summing Things Up](#Summing_Things_Up) ## Accomplishments of Theodore Roosevelt I’ve always been fascinated with [Theodore Roosevelt](http://www.history.com/topics/us-presidents/theodore-roosevelt). I suppose that’s because history records him as fearless. He’s credited with wearing many hats, such as soldier, outdoorsman, father and statesman. Beyond the mystique of the man, which is shrouded in legend, exists a core set of convictions that helped Theodore Roosevelt change the presidency. I’ve studied our 26th Commander in Chief plenty. Time and again, what emerges is a picture of strength, grace, cunning whit and deep intelligence. While the public at large sometimes ranks him as a [narcissist](http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2013/11/14/the-most-narcissistic-u-s-presidents/),  I’m not so sure that label is fair. That’s because in the clinical sense, narcissists are known only to care about themselves and have zero concern for the welfare of others. But as you will see below, Theodore Roosevelt’s substantial accomplishments aren’t in keeping with self-centered behaviors. In fact, quite the opposite. Some people, perhaps understandably, confuse a strong personality with arrogance. But was it really narcissism that caused Teddy Roosevelt (TR) to reverse the trend of the Gilded Age, which is marked by a string of weak presidents that cow tailed by congress? I’d say no. Going by the historical record, TR was an active chief executive, utilizing the powers of his office and his own personal popularity to create positive change. In fact, he is largely responsible for propelling the United States through the early days of the 20th Century. Perhaps that’s why many consider him the forerunner of our modern Presidents? **More:** [Learn about President Lincoln’s accomplishments](https://guycounseling.com/abraham-lincoln-accomplishments/) What follows is a major rundown of 15 major accomplishments of President Theodore Roosevelt that might surprise you. I’ve tried to weave in some biographical data as a gateway to insight. My hope is to offer a mosaic of the man, which should be viewed through the prism of history. ![teddy Roosevelt accomplishments](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/teddy-roosevelt-accomplishments.jpg?resize=768%2C432&ssl=1 "Theodore Roosevelt ")Theodore Roosevelt – 26th President of the United States ## **Theodore Roosevelt Quick Facts** **Born:** October 27, 1858, New York City **Died:** January 6, 1919 **Zodiac Sign:** [Scorpio male](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-man-love-relationships/) **Height:** 5’10 **Eye Color:** [Pale blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) **College:** Harvard University ## Video on Theodore Roosevelt ## **1. The Youngest President to Date** Although John F. Kennedy holds the title for being the youngest President ever elected into office at 43 years old, Theodore Roosevelt is still the youngest U.S. President to date. He took office at 42 years old, following the assassination of William McKinley for whom he served as Vice President. While being President of the United States is quite an accomplishment, Roosevelt had many other important jobs and positions long before being President. Roosevelt was a popular author having written *The Naval War of 1812, The Winning of the West, Through the Brazilian Wilderness,* and more*.* He served as the President of the Board of Commissioners for the New York City Police Department from 1895 to 1897. He then served as the Assistant Secretary of the Navy for over a year, from 1897 to 1898, until being elected Governor of New York later that same year. Eventually, he would serve as Vice President under William McKinley until taking over as President after McKinley’s untimely death. ## **2 Nobel Peace Prize Winner** In 1906, Roosevelt was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. He was given this award, the first statesman ever to receive it, because of his work in negotiating peace for the Russo-Japanese war which took place from 1904 to 1905. Roosevelt also used arbitration to resolve a dispute with Mexico. Although many people felt he was well justified in receiving the award, it didn’t come without some controversy. Some people felt that Roosevelt was an imperialist who helped to take over the Philippines. Some countries even felt that politics were in play and that giving this award to Roosevelt was more of a political move than bestowing an honor on a worthy individual. However, when looking at his many other accomplishments, the award seems to have gone to the right man. ## **3. The Meat Inspection Act & Pure Food and Drug Act** The year 1906 would see the publication of the book *The Jungle* by Upton Sinclair, an American novelist and journalist. During 1904 Sinclair had been paid to go to work undercover in the meat packing industry to find out what really went on behind closed doors. His book would become a best seller, depicting harsh working conditions for many immigrants and an appalling handling of meat amidst unsanitary conditions. Listening to his public, Theodore Roosevelt passed the Meat Inspection Act later that year. The Act included inspection requirements, including: seeing animals before slaughter, separating diseased animals from healthy ones, destroying condemned meat, and sanitary inspections. This same year President Roosevelt also signed the Pure Food and Drug Act, putting similar inspection and safety requirements on other foods and drugs. ## **4. The Roosevelt Corollary** In 1823, the Monroe Doctrine was a loose regulatory doctrine that was intended to keep European imperialism from overshadowing the U.S., Caribbean Islands, and South American countries. While it was little more than a piece of paper to European powers, it began a solid statement of U.S. foreign policy. President Roosevelt added to the Monroe Doctrine establishing America as a type of police force for the region. Many people were concerned about Europe invading countries like Venezuela and the corollary stated that as a last resort the U.S. would intervene on behalf of any of these countries. ## **5. Medal of Honor Recipient** President Theodore Roosevelt received a Congressional Medal of Honor posthumously in 2001. Although he didn’t receive the recognition during his lifetime, he was awarded the medal due to his acts of bravery on the field while serving in the U.S. Army. During the battle of San Juan Hill in the Republic of Cuba, Roosevelt led his men up the hill while being shot at from the enemy. He was the first to reach the top and kill one of the enemy’s shooters hiding in the trenches, which allowed his men to continue up the hill. ![theodore rooseelt mt. rushmore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/theodore-roosevelt-mt-rushmore.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1 "Theodore Roosevelt Mt. Rushmore ")Theodore Roosevelt is on Mt. Rushmore ## **6. National Parks** When it comes to nature and the great outdoors, no one has done more to preserve its greatness than Theodore Roosevelt. Growing up he was fascinated with taxidermy and later became an avid hunter. During his time as president, he established five national parks, created 51 federal sanctuaries for birds, created four national game reserves, dedicated over 100 million acres of national forests, and created 18 national monuments, including the Grand Canyon. To date, the National Park Service has dedicated more units to his name than any other person. It’s also widely known that the “Teddy Bear” was named after Theodore Roosevelt. While hunting in Mississippi, Roosevelt didn’t see any bears. His hunting partners tracked one down and tied it to a tree for Roosevelt to shoot it. Feeling that was unsportsmanlike, he refused, but had the bear shot to put it out of its misery. A candy shop owner put two bears in his shop window and got permission to call them Teddy’s bears. Their popularity took off and over 100 years later they remain a favorite childhood toy. ## **7. Roosevelt’s Square Deal** President Roosevelt’s Square Deal consisted of consumer protection, control of large corporations, and conservation of natural resources. The goal of the Square Deal was to help middle class citizens while still allowing businesses to be free from outrageous demands that often came with organized labor. Roosevelt felt strongly that the government needed to intervene between large companies who were concerned with little more than obtaining wealth and defrauding the public to their benefit. ## **8. The Elkins and Hepburn Acts** The Elkins Act was passed in 1906 and was closely related to Roosevelt’s Square Deal. This Act stopped the practice of railroads giving rebates to companies they favored. By doing this, the railroads had put many smaller farmers into situations where they didn’t have equal access to the railroads. Later came the Hepburn Act, a response to public outcry over unregulated increases of rates. The Act also stopped the Interstate Commerce Commission (ICC) but strengthened Federal regulations over the railroad industry. ## 9. Low Inflation During both his first and second term, President Roosevelt was able to keep inflation low, with the rate increasing each term by only five percent. Lower single digit inflation is often associated with good, healthy economic growth and during his time in office, inflation was an average of one percent per year. From 1902 to 1908, inflation fluctuated between five percent and negative two percent. ## **10. The Panama Canal** President Roosevelt had been an ardent supporter of building a canal which would link the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean by cutting through Panama. The 48-mile stretch goes through the Isthmus of Panama and has been a prominent addition to international maritime trading. Although the canal had initially been an idea as far back as 1534, it wouldn’t be until France tried building it that the idea of a viable canal became possible. Although this was a project France was working on, they soon gave up due to the high death rate of workers and multiple engineering issues. Roosevelt successfully took over the project in 1904 and the canal was finally finished in 1914. Approximately 1,000 ships used the canal its first year. Currently, over 14,00 use it yearly. Being one of the greatest and largest engineering projects to ever be undertaken, the canal is often referred to as one of the seven wonders of the modern world, thanks largely in part to President Roosevelt. ![theodore roosevelt's accomplishments](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/president-theodore-roosevelt.jpg?resize=500%2C356&ssl=1)Teddy Roosevelt accomplished a great deal ## **11. The Newlands Reclamation Act** In 1902, the Newlands Reclamation Act was a federal law that Roosevelt helped to pass to provide necessary funding for irrigation. Initially, it started with the first 13 states, but additional states were then included. Funding came from the sale of semi-arid public land that had been owned by the government. Eventually, the Act stimulated agriculture and transformed many states out West, creating good working land from formerly useless land. States like Arizona, Nevada, Oregon, and South Dakota all benefited from the Act and now produce a wide range of fruits, vegetables, and nuts. ## **12. Strengthened the U.S. Navy** From his time as Assistant Secretary of the Navy to his time as President, Theodore Roosevelt felt very strongly about the U.S. Navy. During those years he increased the size and power of the U.S. Navy and sent the “Great White Fleet” around the world for over a year, showcasing America’s new power and naval capabilities. Although the U.S. Navy began with 90 small ships, it quickly grew to a modern navy with many fighting vessels, all due to Roosevelt. ## **13. America’s First Brown Belt in Judo** Theodore Roosevelt would be the first person in America to earn a brown belt in judo. Loving a good fight, he would often show off his skills during dinners with important dignitaries. He had mats put into the White House and he could be found sparring with anyone willing to fight with him, including his wife. ## **14. Got First Workmen’s Compensation Laws Passed** Injuries to workers were often common in the railroad and textile industries. As railroads expanded and textile factories became more abundant, workers began to get hurt in larger numbers. Prior to the FELA Act which held companies liable for injuries on the job, workers would have to sue to try and get compensation. Workers still had to prove the company was negligent, but the new laws supported by President Roosevelt made the way easier for workers to be compensated when the company was at fault. ## **15. Created the U.S. Forest Service** Along with being a conservationist, President Roosevelt protected public lands and wildlife. The United States Forest Service (USFS) was created in 1905 and operates under the Department of Agriculture. One of his main goals of establishing the USFS was to create sustainability of the country’s resources. He wanted the forests to be around for continued use for years to come, and his name still resonates with conservation and the great outdoors. ## **Summing Things Up** As you can see from all that has been described here, Theodore Roosevelt was an accomplished President. And it’s likely none of these would have been possible had it not been for the strength of his personal character. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1492144053&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1492144053/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1492144053&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=7a2a335b47a039467a7f8da2cffd2915)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1492144053)If you are interested in learning more about TR, a great place to start is by reading his own autobiography. You’ll be able to assess the man using Roosevelt’s own words. You can pick this book up at some stores or on [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2pDGXk8). I hope you found this piece on Theodore Roosevelt’s accomplishments useful! Thanks for stopping by. — References: Land of Promise: A History of the United States. Berkin and Wood. Forseman Publishing (1987) **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Files **Tags:** History, Presidents, Theodore Roosevelt --- ### [7 Types of Depression that Might Surprise You](https://guycounseling.com/7-types-depression-might-surprise/) **Published:** October 13, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![7 types of depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/types-of-depression.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Depression can visit us in a variety of forms** Depression doesn’t come in just one form. Although all [types of depression](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-you-need-to-know-12-2015/index.shtml) share the characteristics of low mood, lack of interest in formerly enjoyable activities, and feelings of hopelessness or emotional numbness, people with different variants of this condition may see significant differences between their symptoms. Here are the identifying characteristics of seven common types of depression. ![7](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/7.jpg?resize=509%2C303&ssl=1)Depression: 7 types ## **1. Major depression** Major depression, or major depressive disorder (MDD), is what most people think of when they hear the word “depression.” This is one of the most common types of depression; approximately 7 percent of adults in the United States suffer from some degree of MDD at any given time. Major depression involves a loss of enjoyment in activities, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, trouble sleeping, weight loss or gain, difficulty concentrating, and in severe cases, thoughts of suicide. Some people may display some symptoms but not others, and different symptoms may be more pronounced in different sufferers. To be diagnosed with major depression, you must have had symptoms almost every day for at least two weeks. Major depression is usually treated with antidepressants, talk therapy, or both. ## **2. Dysthymia** Dysthymia, also known as persistent depressive disorder, is depression that lasts for two years or longer. The symptoms of dysthymia are similar to those of major depression, but they tend to be milder. People with dysthymia may suffer from low mood most of the time, feel chronically fatigued, have problems with sleep and appetite, or have poor self-esteem. Dysthymia often starts early in life. Because of this, many people don’t realize they have it and don’t seek treatment. However, dysthymia usually responds well to talk therapy and antidepressants. If left untreated, dysthymia can develop into major depressive disorder. ## **3. Seasonal affective disorder** Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression caused by lack of natural sunlight in the fall and winter months. People who live at higher latitudes are more likely to develop SAD than those who live closer to the equator. Symptoms of SAD mirror those of major depression and include sadness, lethargy or fatigue, feelings of irritability, difficulty concentrating and making decisions, and changes in weight. Seasonal affective disorder usually begins in the fall months and eases naturally in the spring months. During the winter, particularly around the holidays when people are [gift buying](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/), folks with SAD often seek out light therapy, which involves sitting in front of a light box that mimics sunlight for 30 minutes a day. For about half of sufferers, light therapy is ineffective. In these cases, talk therapy and medications may bring some relief. ## **4. Bipolar disorder** Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, involves alternating periods of high mood (mania) and depression. During manic phases, people with bipolar disorder may experience excitability, high energy, racing mind, and a strong desire to engage in risky behavior. Someone having a manic phase might feel that they can’t stop talking or don’t need to sleep. They may act without thinking, sometimes putting themselves or others in danger. Eventually, a manic phase swings back to a depressive phase. The depressive phase of bipolar disorder resembles major depression, with symptoms like loss of desire to participate in activities, lethargy, weight changes, and feelings of hopelessness. The time it takes to cycle between mania and depression varies from person to person. Some people cycle between the two in a matter of weeks. Others can spend three to six months in a manic or depressive state. Bipolar disorder is usually treated with mood stabilizers. ## **5 Postpartum depression** It’s estimated that up to 15 percent of women develop postpartum depression after giving birth. This form of depression can result from a complex combination of factors, including the emotional effects of having a newborn and the hormonal changes that occur after childbirth. Postpartum depression can cause symptoms such as severe anxiety, feelings of inadequacy or being out of control, mood swings, crying, or feelings of guilt and worthlessness. **Related:** [Teas that help to calm anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/10-natural-remedies-anxiety-calm-relax/) Postpartum depression can diminish a new mother’s capacity for bonding with her baby, so it’s essential to seek treatment as soon as possible. Psychotherapy and antidepressants can help relieve postpartum depression. ## **6. Atypical depression** Atypical depression is considered a sub-category of major depressive disorder. While those with atypical depression usually experience the symptoms of MDD, they can also experience an improvement in mood after positive experiences, something that does not usually happen for people with “typical” MDD. Atypical depression often causes physical symptoms like a feeling of heaviness in the limbs, headaches, or changes in weight. Psychotherapy and medication are both used for treating atypical depression. ## **7. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder** Premenstrual dysphoric disorder is similar to PMS, but its symptoms are more severe and debilitating. Like PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder affects women during the second half of their menstrual cycle. This condition can cause symptoms that are similar to those of major depression. Sufferers may experience low mood or mood swings, feelings of hopelessness, fatigue, irritability, and anxiety. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder can be severe enough to affect a woman’s relationships and ability to keep a job. This condition can be treated with antidepressants, talk therapy, or hormonal contraceptives. Any type of depression can have a negative impact on a person’s ability to carry out their day-to-day responsibilities. If you think you or a loved one might have some form of depression, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with your medical doctor or therapist. Depression rarely goes away by itself, but it is treatable. Psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of the two can usually treat depression successfully. Also, [regular exercise](https://guycounseling.com/7-secrets-of-people-who-happily-embrace-regular-exercise/), including different forms of strength training, have been found helpful in ameliorating the symptoms of depression. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, health, Mood, wellness --- ### [10 Natural Remedies for Anxiety to Calm and Relax](https://guycounseling.com/10-natural-remedies-anxiety-calm-relax/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![natural-remedies-anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/natural-remedies-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Calm anxiety with these Natural Remedies** In a world full of stresses, many individuals suffer from [anxiety disorders](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml). When fears about money, work, family or relationships get thrown into the mix, symptoms of anxiety can become amplified, causing even the hardiest of folks to experience frayed nerves. Whatever the case, you may be hesitant to try anti-anxiety medications because you fear the side effects.  This is particularly true for men, who sometimes buy into masculine stereotypes that suggest they can “handle” stress on their own. **Related:** [How men make their anxiety worse](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/) Perhaps one of the most powerful and natural ways to cope with anxiety is by working with a counselor who specializes in anxiety. But for a variety of reasons, namely financial, seeing a therapist may not be an option. If some of what’s been mentioned above describes you, here are 10 natural ways to help calm your anxiety that are widely considered safe. Try one or more to see if you realize any potential benefits. ![10 Natural Remedies for Anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/10-facts-nutiriton-body-building.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Natural Remedies for Anxiety ## **1.Chamomile Tea** A warm mug of chamomile tea is both an anecdotal and proven source of anxiety reduction. This herbal remedy has been shown to reduce anxiety in people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it has been used for hundreds of years to calm nerves. In fact,  drinking chamomile tea is part of a comprehensive approach to stress free, mindful living. ## **2. Get Into Nature** Being in nature has been found to reduce anxiety in a number of studies so if there’s a park or a nature walk near you, pull your shoes on and get out there. A walk, a run, or even just sitting on a park bench for twenty minutes can helpfully reduce your stresses. ## **3. Tryptophan-Rich Foods** Tryptophan is a natural relaxant and foods that are rich in tryptophan have been shown to reduce anxiety. Try reaching for oats, sesame seeds, chicken, bananas, or chickpeas for a boost of this naturally-occurring relaxing chemical. ## **4. Lavender** The scent of lavender can be wonderfully relaxing and anxiety-reducing. Try burning a lavender candle or incense, or sprinkling a couple of drops of lavender essential oil onto your pillow before you go to bed. ## **5. Cut Alcohol and Caffeine** Consuming alcohol and caffeine can bring about anxiety and heighten the feelings, so try to avoid them when you’re feeling anxious. Of course, having less booze and coffee is good for you in general so working on limiting your intake can be good for your physical and mental health. FYI: Reducing these can also help to eliminate [stress related pimples](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/). ## **6. Laugh** Laughter yoga has become a popular means of reducing stress but you don’t have to go to a class to calm your anxiety. Simply watch your favorite comedy routine, chat to a funny friend, or even just force yourself to fake laugh until you find yourself giggling for real. ## **7. Stay Warm** Raising your body temperature is a well-proven anxiety reducer and it can be achieved in many ways, from exercising to sitting in a sauna to a simple hot bath. You could even try sitting outside on a warm day or curling up by a fireplace to reduce nervousness and anxiety. ## **8. Exercise** Related to body heat, exercise in itself is a great anxiety reducer. Moving your body for just twenty minutes a day, or whenever you can, can help to lower your stress levels in the moment and over time. ## **9. Omega-3** Getting between one and four grams of omega-3 fatty acids can help to reduce anxiety and bring about good moods in people with clinical anxiety and everyday stresses. Fish oil supplements, fresh fish, walnuts, and fortified soy milk are all great sources of this anxiety-buster. ## **10. Lemon Balm** The use of lemon balm to reduce anxiety has been documented for over 600 years. You can buy lemon balm infused into teas, tinctures, or as an essential oil and the delicious citrusy scent will help to reduce your anxiety and keep you alert. Of course, if your anxiety is debilitating and these remedies don’t help then you should consult a medical or psychological professional, but in some cases, a little natural help is all you need. ## **Natural Remedies for Anxiety Book** If you are interested in learning more about natural ways to calm anxiety, I encourage you to pick up a copy of *Natural Anxiety Relief* by Rose Graham ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2dCGG8n)). Inside you’ll find lots of practical insight on what aggravates anxiety and makes it worse. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1537643223&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1537643223/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1537643223&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=e6c139c271c0f22b8f099fbc55594fa5)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1537643223)More importantly, you’ll discover natural, calming approaches to reduce anxiety so that you can live a less jittery life. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, health, Mood, Natural Remedies, stress, wellness --- ### [How to Clear Pimples Naturally: 8 Tips for Reducing Stress Acne](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Stress Pimples](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/stress-pimples.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1)Stress Pimples ## ***Stress pimples are very real. Do you know how to treat them?*** Do you suffer from [stress pimples](http://journals.lww.com/psychosomaticmedicine/Abstract/1970/09000/Stress,_Acne_and_Skin_Surface_Free_Fatty_Acids.8.aspx)? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Lots of people struggle with this embarrassing and unsightly problem. And did you ever notice that zits show up at the worst possible time? It can really suck, particularly if you have an event planned, like a date with someone special. But here is the deal – the acne on your face didn’t just crop up by accident. For some time now, researchers have known there is a direct relationship between stress and pimples. You may be thinking that the easy way to prevent these breakouts simple – just [destress](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/). If only it were that easy. In truth, all of us handle stress in different ways. For some, signs of anxiety manifest in the muscles, such as having a sore neck or shoulders. For others, stress presents itself in the form of gastrointestinal problems, like Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). And still for others, stress expresses itself on the face – particularly in men. So what can you do to deal with stress pimples? Are there any practical solutions to treat and prevent breakouts? Can anything be done naturally to make things better? The answers to these questions is – yes! What follows are 8 practical tips for dealing with stress pimples. Some of the suggestions may seem intuitive while others will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all to get the most out of what’s being imparted. Let’s jump right in! ![fear of dentist 8 tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/fear-of-dentist-8-tips.png?resize=278%2C300&ssl=1)Stress Pimple Tips ## **1. Get enough sleep** One of the reasons you may be experiencing stress pimples is because you aren’t getting enough sleep. The body of research suggests that on average, all of us should get around 7-8 hours per night. If you are in college, you may even need more. ## **2. Eat properly** One of the ways people deal with stress is by skipping meals. Others overeat as a way of coping. Both approaches can paradoxically exacerbate stress and cause aggravation. Try eating five to six small meals a day. If possible, skip the fast food and opt for healthy, natural dishes. **Related:** [Nutrition and body building](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-nutrition-and-fat-10-faqs/) ## **3. Reduce caffeine, sugar and alcohol** It makes sense that you might reach for a cup of coffee when your energy is low. And when you want to chillax, grabbing a beer might seem like the perfect way to end the day. The problem is substances like caffeine, alcohol and sugar can inadvertently drive up your stress levels, leaving a trail of facial pimples in their wake. No need to cut everything out. Think more along the lines of reduction. Example: Instead of two cups of coffee, why not just one? ## **4. Start a pimple treatment program** Like it or not, you will probably need to spend some money to get your stress pimples under control. A good place to start is by visiting your doctor. Sometimes, a prescription is required to kill the bacteria that are helping to contribute to the bumps on your face. In addition to working with your physician, many people have found that by using a high quality product, such as the [Tiege Hanley Skin System](https://guycounseling.com/nh5a), they are better able to prevent breakouts and treat existing problems. ## **5. Mindfulness** Anxiety’s best friend is stress. In fact, you’ll probably not find one without the other nearby. That’s why it’s important to focus on the here and now and not think *too* much about the future. One approach I recommend to clients is to engage in mindfulness. If you have time, I encourage you to read this post on how to reduce stress using the [RAIN technique](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/). ## **6. Get to the gym** One of the best ways you can cope with stress and thereby prevent zits from breaking out on your face is to exercise. Time and again, research had demonstrated that exercise is a powerful combatant against anxiety and depression. You don’t have to live at the gym in order to receive a benefit. Even if you can go 3-5 times a week for an hour, you’ll be making a huge difference. **Related:** [Excuses for not working out](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/) ## **7. Consider meditation** Stress isn’t something that you can just wish away. Like anything else in life, it requires a sound plan of attack. A pleasant tool that you should consider putting in your stress-busting arsenal is mediation. There are various forms of mediation, including self-hypnosis. By taking just 10 minutes out of your day to purge your mind and look inward, you can help your body to eliminate stressful thoughts. ## **8. Don’t touch your face** Acne is in part caused by bacterial. While it’s tempting to touch your face and feel the pimples, it’s probably not a good idea. That’s because the more you touch that zit, the more you spread the bacterial. This is a simple solution to prevent new pimples but is often ignored. If you must lay hands on your zits, do so when you are washing your face with a cleanser or when applying a [topical cream](http://amzn.to/2aZ2F90) to treat acne. ## **Stress Pimples Final Thoughts** Let’s face it – stress is a part of life. In fact, there is some evidence to suggest that it may be good for us. That’s because when stress *isn’t* out of control, it can keep us on our toes. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1572245492&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572245492/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1572245492&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=4bb15c55b38cdda8fbe3881cb2038edf)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1572245492)If you are interested in learning more about how to reduce stress in your life – and by extension stress pimples, I encourage you to pick up a copy of *[The Relaxation and Stress Workbook](http://amzn.to/2axW6I3)*. I’ve recommended this one to many students and clients over the years. What’s great about this read are the easy to follow, step by step approaches to stress management. Good luck with your stress pimples. By following these suggestions, you should see a change for the better! **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Acne, Anxiety, Grooming, Pimples, stress --- ### [Scared of Going to Dentist But Need Treatment?](https://guycounseling.com/fear-of-dentist-8-tips/) **Published:** September 9, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![afraid to go to dentist - man at dentist](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/man-dentist.jpg?resize=1024%2C682&ssl=1 "man dentist") Table of Contents Toggle - [Overcoming Fear of Dentist](#Overcoming_Fear_of_Dentist) - [Fear of Dentist Tips](#Fear_of_Dentist_Tips) - [1. Find the Right Dentist](#1_Find_the_Right_Dentist) - [2. Consider Sedation Dentistry](#2_Consider_Sedation_Dentistry) - [3. Be Honest About Your Fears](#3_Be_Honest_About_Your_Fears) - [4. Consider Hypnosis](#4_Consider_Hypnosis) - [5. Which fear is more powerful?](#5_Which_fear_is_more_powerful) - [6. Visualize yourself taking action](#6_Visualize_yourself_taking_action) - [7. Visit the Dentist Regularly](#7_Visit_the_Dentist_Regularly) - [8. Take Care of Your Teeth at Home](#8_Take_Care_of_Your_Teeth_at_Home) - [Fear of Dentist Final Thoughts](#Fear_of_Dentist_Final_Thoughts) - [Scared to Go to Dentist Video](#Scared_to_Go_to_Dentist_Video) ## **Overcoming Fear of Dentist** Do you have a **fear of the dentist**? Does the thought of sitting in a dentist’s chair and having your teeth examined wig you out? Have you been putting off dental work for years because you can’t bring yourself to make an appointment? If you find yourself saying yes to these questions, you wouldn’t be alone. [Dental phobias](http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/119/549/151.short) are extremely common. In fact, many of my Chicago clients come in for counseling to help them work through strong medical care anxiety, particularly when it comes to seeing a dentist. At its core, we’re talking about dental phobia (aka dental anxiety). The reasons behind a dental phobia are many. In some cases, the fear of the dentist arose because of a past bad experience – one who did not take pain control seriously enough. In other cases, fear of the dentist is a manifestation of a deeper anxiety, which can be classified under something called a specific phobia. Here are some of the common feelings and experiences people have shared with me about going to the dentist, which paradoxically keeps them from seeking out the care they need in the first place: - Fears about what the dentist will find after many years of not having teeth examined - High anxiety about pain and discomfort - Uneasiness about not being in control while sitting in the dentist’s chair And to keep it real, let’s be honest – there’s nothing “fun” about going to the dentist. Sure, if you have a dental professional with a pleasant demeanor and a calming personality, it can help make the experience more comfortable. But anyone who tries to tell you that dental visits are a “good time” is living in fantasy land. With that shared, going to the dentist also isn’t horrible. Well, it doesn’t have to be. Much of how you perceive a visit to the dentist happens before you ever set foot in the office. That may sound super Zen but it’s really quite true. Chances are that if you are reading this post, it has likely been years since you have had your teeth examined because of strong dentist fears. There’s no need to feel ashamed about this. We think somewhere around [15 percent](https://carrington.edu/blog/americans-cite-anxiety-reason-going-dentist/) in the United States avoid going to a dentist because of fear. That’s kind of a big number, huh? So how do you overcome these fears and move about the business of getting your teeth checked out? Is there anything practical that you can do to turn your desire to have dental work done into a reality? It turns out the answer is yes! And I’m not just saying this for the sake of saying it. You see, I too have had fears about going to the dentist for pretty much my entire life. So much so that I didn’t go for many years. So yeah – I completely get it. And so what follows are 8 tips that I am going to share with you to help you work through your fear of the dentist. The goal, obviously, is to move you to a place of action so that you can pick up the phone and make an appointment today. I’m also including a video from an actual dentist speaks directly to people who are scared to go to the dentist but need treatment badly. Are you ready to feel more empowered? Let’s jump right in! ## Fear of Dentist Tips ![fear of dentist 8 tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/fear-of-dentist-8-tips.png?resize=278%2C300&ssl=1 "fear of dentist 8 tips") ## **1. Find the Right Dentist** If you have a fear of the dentist, it is extremely important to choose the right dental professional. Not all dentists are equally skilled at working with patients who have a dental phobia, so choose your provider with care. Seek out reviews of area dentists, talk to other patients and reach out to the office staff. You can learn a lot just by talking to others who share your same fear of the dentist. If you have some type of dental insurance, be sure to ask if the dentist is paneled with your provider when you make the call. It’s no secret that dental work can be expensive. If you don’t have dental insurance, think about using your employer sponsored Health Savings Account (HSA). ## **2. Consider Sedation Dentistry** If you think you need a lot of dental work done, you might want to consider a dentist who uses sedation for routine dental care. Sedation dentistry can be an excellent alternative for those with dental phobias, since it eliminates most of the pain and fear associated with a trip to the dentist. When you call the office, ask if they offer sedation dentistry and find out as much as you can about how they operate. The more you know about their practices, the more comfortable you will be when you head out for your appointment. If you are the type of person who gets freaked out about “being put under”, ask the dentist about what options exist about numbing your mouth so that you don’t feel anything. If the sounds of drills and picks wig you out, ask the dentist if it is OK to wear headphones and listen to music. In most cases, it is completely OK. ## **3. Be Honest About Your Fears** The worst thing you can do is try to hide your fear of the dentist. No matter which dentist you choose, you should be open and honest about how you feel and why you feel that way. Whether your dental phobia is the result of a bad experience in the past or a more generalized anxiety, a good dentist will understand your concerns and help you work through them. Some dentists may offer you medication to help you relax. Others many employ sedation for routine dental care. And still others will listen to you so that you can work through your fears. The bottom line is that a good dentist will be willing to go the extra mile to soothe their anxious patients. ## **4. Consider Hypnosis** Some people find that by visiting a licensed therapist trained in hypnosis, they are able to use the tools of mindfulness to work through anxiety and fear. Hypnosis for anxiety can be an effective tool as an adjunct to anxiety therapy to assist you with fortifying your mental and emotional strength to make that initial appointment and follow through with subsequent visits. If you decide to use hypnosis, look for someone who is a licensed psychotherapist and has experience with helping people who struggle with phobias that are specific to medical issues, such as seeing a dentist. ## **5. Which fear is more powerful?** One of the major reasons people don’t go to the dentist is because they fear not being in control. That is a very legitimate thing. But when you think about it, by not going to the dentist, you are losing any control you might have over potential dental problems. By going to the dentist, you are exerting control, finally, over something that you have fooled yourself into thinking you are powerless over. This particular point may take some time to fully absorb so think about it for a bit until it concretizes in your mind. ## **6. Visualize yourself taking action** Under this tip, find a quiet place and purge yourself of all thoughts. Then, when the time is right, allow yourself to mentally picture yourself picking up the phone and making an appointment. Once accomplished, journal a bit about what this felt like. A day or so later, add a little bit more to this mental rehearsal. Example: Include a specific thought about making the appointment and then getting dressed to visit the dentist. Sometime later, add another thought about walking into the dentist’s office and checking in. The goal is to get yourself to finally having a complete mental rehearsal whereby you make the appointment, go to the dentist’s office and ultimately, sit in the dentist’s chair. It may take you a week or several weeks to build yourself up to a place where you can comfortably mentally rehearse taking action from start to finish. That’s OK. Working through fear doesn’t happen overnight. ## **7. Visit the Dentist Regularly** Once you make that first dental appointment and get through it, keep going in succession. It may seem counter intuitive, but visiting the dentist regularly is one of the best ways to cure a dental phobia. The more you visit the more you will see that going to the dentist is no big deal, and that there is nothing to worry about. Visiting the dentist on a regular basis will also allow your dentist to spot problems early – when they are easier and less painful to treat. If your dentist spots a bit of plaque and treats it with a good cleaning, you head off a cavity and a filling later on. ## **8. Take Care of Your Teeth at Home** Taking care of your teeth between dental visits is essential, especially for patients with dental anxieties. The better your oral hygiene at home, the more routine your office visits will be. Brushing your teeth after every meal and before bedtime, flossing regularly and eating a healthy diet can prevent cavities and stop dental problems in their tracks. If you smoke cigarettes, [quitting smoking](https://guycounseling.com/10-reasons-why-you-stopped-smoking/) can help your gums and teeth heal too. I know because I happened to have been a smoker for many years and can attest to the damage it did to my teeth. There’s a great [article](http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/diseases/periodontal-gum-disease.html) on the CDC website that you can read here for more insight. If you care for your teeth properly at home, you might find yourself looking forward to your next trip to the dentist. Over time, you will see that those regular cleanings and exams are no big deal and that there is truly nothing to be afraid of. ## **Fear of Dentist Final Thoughts** One final suggestion I would like to make is to pick up a copy of the book, *Have No Fear of the Dental Chair* by Dr. Susan Cushing, a dentist who specializes in helping people with dental fears. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3B41b9g). What’s great about this read are the practical tips offered to help you feel more empowered so that you can get the dental care you need. ## Scared to Go to Dentist Video <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTvA_hfJAhk> Dental phobias are all too common, but there is no reason to succumb to them. No matter how severe your fear of the dentist there are ways to overcome the problem and help you get the dental care you need. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Dentist, Fear of Dentist, Fears, Phobias, Scared of Dentist --- ### [10 Facts About Erotic Hypnosis Based In Science](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-10-facts-you-might-not-know/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![erotic hypnosis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/erotic-hypnosis.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1)What is erotic hypnosis? Table of Contents Toggle - [Erotic Hypnosis and Intimacy](#Erotic_Hypnosis_and_Intimacy) - [Erotic Hypnosis Perspective](#Erotic_Hypnosis_Perspective) - [Erotic Characteristics](#Erotic_Characteristics) - [What is Hypnosis Anyway?](#What_is_Hypnosis_Anyway) - [Hypnosis Definition](#Hypnosis_Definition) - [What is Hypnotherapy?](#What_is_Hypnotherapy) - [History of Hypnosis](#History_of_Hypnosis) - [1. Erotic Hypnosis is Real](#1_Erotic_Hypnosis_is_Real) - [2. Used in Power Exchange Relationships](#2_Used_in_Power_Exchange_Relationships) - [3. Erotic Hypnosis Doesn’t Involve Sleep](#3_Erotic_Hypnosis_Doesnt_Involve_Sleep) - [4. You Don’t Need a Hypnotherapist to Be Hypnotized](#4_You_Dont_Need_a_Hypnotherapist_to_Be_Hypnotized) - [5. Erotic Hypnosis Involves Creative Visualization](#5_Erotic_Hypnosis_Involves_Creative_Visualization) - [6. Deep Breathing as Part of Erotic Hypnosis](#6_Deep_Breathing_as_Part_of_Erotic_Hypnosis) - [7. Role Play Can Be Part of Erotic Hypnosis](#7_Role_Play_Can_Be_Part_of_Erotic_Hypnosis) - [8. Erotic Hypnosis DOES NOT Involve Mind Control](#8_Erotic_Hypnosis_DOES_NOT_Involve_Mind_Control) - [9. You Need to Be Open to the Experience](#9_You_Need_to_Be_Open_to_the_Experience) - [10. Erotic Hypnosis Won’t Cure Relationship Problems](#10_Erotic_Hypnosis_Wont_Cure_Relationship_Problems) - [Learning About Hypnosis](#Learning_About_Hypnosis) - [Erotic Hypnosis Video](#Erotic_Hypnosis_Video) - [Hypnosis Poll](#Hypnosis_Poll) - [Erotic Hypnosis Myths](#Erotic_Hypnosis_Myths) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## **Erotic Hypnosis and Intimacy** **Erotic hypnosis** is a [term](http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/fsh/3/3/308/) that has been floating around the Internet for awhile now but what does it *really* mean? For example, is it some form of mind control that can be used to manipulate a partner in the bedroom? On the flip side, can hypnosis be used to achieve the ultimate orgasm? Finally, can you put yourself into a trance to reduce sexual pain? This article will dive deep into the entire issue of erotic hypnosis and provide concrete information about what erotic hypnosis is and is not. So much of what is published online about erotic hypnosis is poorly researched and not steeped in the trappings of clinical psychology. My hope in penning this piece is to offer clarity and provide answers to a topic that is widely misunderstood and often not discussed. And so what follows are 10 facts about erotic hypnosis that might surprise you. Some of the material you’ll read may seem like common sense while other points will give you pause for reflection. I encourage you to read them all to put everything in context. At the end of this post, I have included a poll that asks you about erotic hypnotherapy. It’s mostly just for entertainment so don’t take the results too seriously. ## **Erotic Hypnosis Perspective** You may be wondering about my qualifications to write this piece? If I were a reader, I’d want to know. Well, here it is – I’m a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Illinois and a [Board Certified](http://www.natboard.com/index_files/Page1413.htm) Clinical Hypnotherapist. Finally, I hold a PhD in Psychology. In my work as a clinician, I’m often asked about erotic hypnosis by clients who are seeking improvements in their sex life. An example might be learning how to intensify an orgasmic experience or becoming more mindful of a mate. It’s a common topic that clients frequently bring up in their quest for discovering alternative pathways greater intimacy. Perhaps you can relate? ## **Erotic Characteristics** Let’s take a quick look at the basic characteristics of erotic hypnosis. Afterward, I’ll  walk you through a little background and history of the world of hypnotherapy. **General Traits** - Heightened state of awareness - Greater ability to receive suggestion - Focused thought and concentration - Stimulation of active imagination - Detachment from the physical self - Access to the psycho-spiritual self - Greater sensitivity to sound and touch - Heightened ability to reach sexual symbiosis ## **What is Hypnosis Anyway?** Before we explore 10 facts about erotic hypnosis, it is important to have a realistic idea of what hypnosis is. Therefore, I’m going to provide you a straightforward definition of this term, free of clinical jargon. ## **Hypnosis Definition** *Hypnosis* is a heightened state of awareness that occurs on the conscious and subconscious level. While hypnotized, a person enters an altered state of reality, which opens up a psychological doorway to the power of suggestion. In this place, a hypnotized person can access different ways of thinking, through focused suggestion and imagination. When you think of hypnosis, think of it as a tool that you can call upon to step into a world of calmness and inner peace. It doesn’t involve swinging watches, Svengali or other stereotypes that are the stuff of pseudo-science or entertainment. Finally, hypnosis is real and has been clinically demonstrated to help some people with a variety of issues. Examples include addiction recovery, pain management and relief from symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). And yes, it has been shown in studies to help people achieve greater intimacy. ## **What is Hypnotherapy?** We will get into this more and more as this article continues but for now, it is important that you understand that hypnotherapy is not “therapy” itself but instead, a tool that is used as a therapy adjunct. ![hypnotherapy chicago homework](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnotherapy-chicago-homework.jpg?resize=499%2C264&ssl=1) ## **History of Hypnosis** Believe it or not, hypnosis has been around for thousands of years with roots that can be traced back to the time of the ancient Hindus and Greeks. It has gone by many different names, including “temple sleep”, “magnetic therapy” and “mesmerism”. Hypnosis really started to catch on with the masses during the 1700’s and 1800’s when Franz Mesmer, an Austrian physician, began to research the entire construct of hypnosis and hypnotherapy. He wrote various scientific papers on the topic and offered the world a working definition of its meaning. At the time, many in the medical community challenged his assertions with many folks suggesting it was the stuff of quackery. He was called a charlatan – a conman who was selling the psychological version of snake oil. But as time went on and perceptions about hypnosis changed,  he work began to gain acceptance. Back then, as now, hypnosis was considered to be an alternative form of therapy. Franz Mesmer is thought of by many as the “Father of Hypnosis”. But is that designation accurate? In truth – it is a common misconception. While Mesmer certainly was considered a major mover and shaker in the field, James Braid is the actual father of hypnosis. Finally under this point, hypnosis today is a highly researched area of study within the field of human psychology. Peer reviewed research articles are published on a regular basis, appearing in a number of periodicals. Perhaps the best known of these is the *American Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy*, which can be accessed online through an organizational called the *American Society of Clinical Hypnosis*, founded by Milton Erikson, a famous psychiatrist who specialized in medical hypnosis. He also worked with [anxiety issues](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/). Now that we’ve completed a cook’s tour of this topic, let’s move on to the 10 facts about erotic hypnosis. Under each point, expansive information has been shared as a way of deepening your knowledge. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## **1. Erotic Hypnosis is Real** This point may seem obvious but is worth mentioning all the same. Erotic hypnosis is a very real form of hypnotherapy. The term itself has caught on in recent years, thanks to clever marketing efforts on the part of some in the adult video entertainment world – and YouTube Videos. Prior to the name “erotic” being infused into the definition, this form of hypnosis was previously referred to as “recreational hypnosis” or “hypnotic fantasy”. ## **2. Used in Power Exchange Relationships** Many people engage in various forms of erotic hypnosis in power and exchange relationships. Here, one person assumes a dominant role while the other, a submissive role. This is part of a dynamic known as “fantasy play”. ## **3. Erotic Hypnosis Doesn’t Involve Sleep** A common misconception regarding erotic hypnosis is that the hypnotized person is asleep. The truth is **nobody is asleep**. Remember, hypnosis is a heightened state of awareness. You are completely aware of everything going on around you. And when you think about this, doesn’t it make sense? When you are asleep, chances are you aren’t aware of anything because you are in a subconscious state. But when you are hypnotized, you don’t slip into consciousnesses. Instead, you are fully conscious. The difference, however, is that you are more open to the power of suggestion. ## **4. You Don’t Need a Hypnotherapist to Be Hypnotized** Believe it or not, you don’t need to see a hypnotherapist to be hypnotized. At its core, all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. It is best to think of hypnosis as a skill that you can learn that’s similar to mindful meditation. In this way, you can teach yourself how to enter into a more relaxed state of being, which over the span of time may help you to achieve a more intimate experience with a mate. ## **5. Erotic Hypnosis Involves Creative Visualization** When you engage in hypnosis, including erotic hypnosis, you are stimulating your active imagination. This is what famous psychologist Carl Jung believed helped a person access pathways to the the psycho-spiritual world. If you believe in things like spirit animals and animal guides, you are in essence accessing your active imagination. [![botox men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/botox-men.jpg?resize=551%2C389&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/botox-men.jpg?ssl=1) ## **6. Deep Breathing as Part of Erotic Hypnosis** As part of the hypnotic experience, deep breathing is often involved. Breathing helps to calm the mind and body, allowing for greater oxygen flow through neuro-pathways. This can be helpful when dealing with issues involving pain or psychological barriers to pleasure. A practical example of how deep breathing and hypnosis go hand in hand is when a person [conducts a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). ## **7. Role Play Can Be Part of Erotic Hypnosis** Keeping in mind that erotic hypnosis involves the active imagination as previously mentioned, it is important you know that role play is often part of the hypnotic experience. In this way, a hypnotized person is able to assume a given role. ## **8. Erotic Hypnosis DOES NOT Involve Mind Control** One of the biggest myths on the planet is that hypnosis – including erotic hypnosis – is a form of mind control. That simply is not true. When a person is hypnotized, they are in complete control of their thoughts and physical body. If you are hoping to hypnotize someone to “control” them, you are simply buying into a myth. Sorry to burst your bubble but I’m just being real with you. That said, if you or your partner *want to pretend* you are being controlled as part of a role play scenario – that’s a completely different story. ## **9. You Need to Be Open to the Experience** Hypnosis is similar to other alternative forms of consciousness. In short, you need to be open to the experience in order for something beneficial to happen. If you are closed minded, hold rigid thoughts or have problems relaxing, hypnosis may not be helpful. ## **10. Erotic Hypnosis Won’t Cure Relationship Problems** While hypnosis may help you to achieve a more pleasurable sexual experience with your mate, it is not going to magically fix or repair other issues happening in your relationship. If you and your partner have problems with money, communications, decision making and so forth, hypnotherapy isn’t going to fix things. Hypnosis also won’t make someone magically like you or cause them fall in love. Finally, erotic hypnosis won’t cure underlying relationship issues, such problems with trust or [challenges around infidelity](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/). ## **Learning About Hypnosis** While I can’t be sure, I’m guessing you stumbled upon this article because you are hoping to learn as much as possible about hypnosis and by extension, erotic hypnosis. If so, there are a number of excellent books available for you to consider. One resource you might want to checkout is entitled: *Mind Play: A Guide to Erotic Hypnosis* by Mark Wiseman ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2TRD6vP)). What’s nice about this book is how it offers meaningful, concrete ways to help create a more intimate erotic experience with your mate, devoid of the silly hocus pocus that is so prevalent when it comes to this topic. ## **Erotic Hypnosis Video** You may still be wondering if erotic hypnosis is legitimate? Well, here is a video that I encourage you to watch for greater insight. ## **Hypnosis Poll** Below, I have published a poll that asks you to anonymously identify your motivations for wanting information about erotic hypnosis. The poll itself is unscientific. The results, however, can be used to see how your motivations compare with others . ## **Erotic Hypnosis Myths** While some of the myths have already been dispelled above, there are a few more I’d like to walk you through. Let’s take a look. - [People with green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) are more likely to be hypnotized - People with blue eyes cannot be hypnotized - Young people can’t be hypnotized - Erotic Owl tattoos act as conduits for intimacy with hypnosis - Men can’t be hypnotized - Erotic hypnosis can happen for everyone (it can’t) - Hypnotherapy is therapy itself (it’s not). - You need to visit a sex therapist to undergo erotic hypnosis ## **Final Thoughts** If you are hoping to learn more about erotic hypnosis, I encourage you to read all you can. As stated at the beginning of this article, there is a lot of misinformation about this topic floating around the web. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling! Please Like this post on Facebook and share on other forms of social media! **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Erotic Hypnosis, Facts, hypnosis, Hypnosis FAQ --- ### [10 Best Anti-Aging Rituals for Men with Products](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Baggy eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/baggy-eyes-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How to stop wrinkles for men Table of Contents Toggle - [Anti-Aging Skin Care Tips for Men](#Anti-Aging_Skin_Care_Tips_for_Men) - [Men’s Skin Care and Research](#Mens_Skin_Care_and_Research) - [1. Wash your face with the right product](#1_Wash_your_face_with_the_right_product) - [2. Moisturize two times a day](#2_Moisturize_two_times_a_day) - [3. Don’t forget the eyes](#3_Dont_forget_the_eyes) - [4. Gentle Scrub 2-3x a week](#4_Gentle_Scrub_2-3x_a_week) - [5. Get your face muddy](#5_Get_your_face_muddy) - [6. Use the right shave cream](#6_Use_the_right_shave_cream) - [7. Use an aftershave balm](#7_Use_an_aftershave_balm) - [8. Reduce time in the sun](#8_Reduce_time_in_the_sun) - [9. Get the right amount of sleep](#9_Get_the_right_amount_of_sleep) - [10. Reduce stress in your life](#10_Reduce_stress_in_your_life) - [Bonus Areas](#Bonus_Areas) - [What about water & hydration?](#What_about_water_hydration) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## **Anti-Aging Skin Care Tips for Men** **Men’s skin care –** it’s not a [topic](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/mar.20600/abstract;jsessionid=9617C5A28CF34DF312AF02703F151854.f02t03?userIsAuthenticated=false&deniedAccessCustomisedMessage=) that comes up frequently among guys. That’s a shame because there isn’t one of us who doesn’t care about our personal appearance. We just don’t talk about it because it is just not something bros do. Until now …![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00JJ4OCR0) If you are a man looking for tips and information on how to fight wrinkles, lines and other signs of aging, this article is for you. My goal is to help you create a skincare routine in a way that doesn’t break the bank or make you feel like you are some kind of narcissist. And so it is like this … Anti-aging creams and products for men are a dime a dozen. The question is which ones are best to reduce the visible signs of aging? On top of that, are there simple things that you can do that when combined with a general skincare routine help keep deep lines, dark spots and crowfeet away? The simple answer is yes. What’s more, you don’t have to spend a wad of money in order to look your best as a guy. ## **Men’s Skin Care and Research** I’ve written about skincare in the past when I examined how famous Hollywood celebrities get the even toned skin that you see in T.V and in movies. Examples include guys like Mr. Zac Efron and Christopher Pine. I’ve also authored blog posts that look at other features of the face, including eye color (see my post on [green and hazel eyes](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/)). The truth is – there isn’t a lot of information out there about skincare for guys, particularly anti-aging information that focuses on preservation. That’s one of the reasons why I wrote an article about [how to get rid of bags under the eyes for men](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). What follows 10 tips that you can use to fight back against wrinkles, lines and other signs of aging. Here’s the deal dudes; skincare for men is a multi-billion dollar market! The reason you typically aren’t hearing much about it is because there still exists stereotypes related to men who are concerned about their looks. I admit that things have gotten better in the past 10-15 years but we still have a way to go. Bottom line – if you are a dude looking to push back against wrinkles, lines and other visible signs of aging, keep reading. [![man washing face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/best-skincare-tips-for-men.jpg?resize=500%2C353&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/best-skincare-tips-for-men.jpg?ssl=1)Wash face with right products ## **1. Wash your face with the right product** Before you go you can start any skincare routine for your face, you need to know what kind of skin you are dealing with. Oily Skin Do you have oily skin? You’ll know by doing one of two things. The first is simply looking at your face. Does it have a shine, particularly under bright light? That’s likely because the excess oil on your face. The second way to know if you have oily skin is to the tissue test. Simply take a white tissue and blot it around different parts of your face. If the tissue is sopping anything up, you’ll see it. That’s likely oil, which may be giving your face that unwanted shine. **What to use**: [Man Cave Face Wash](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00GNH30CE/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00GNH30CE&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=QWO4WN5N5VF4MLPL) (see Amazon for pricing). Great for removing excess oils without stripping your skin of essential moisture. Dry Skin Does your face sometimes seem flaky? Does it have crack or look a bit scaly when looking in the mirror? If so, you probably are dealing with dry skin. **What to use:** CeraVe Foaming Facial Cleanser ([check Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/3BrGeGJ)). Great product to help clean your face while moisturizing it at the same time. This product helps to seal in moisture at the cellular level. Normal Skin Many guys have “average” or normal skin that is neither dry nor oily. If this is the case for you, consider it a plus. There are a number of products you can buy for this skin type. Below I’ve made a recommendation. **What to use:** [CeraVe Renewing Cleanser](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00U1YCRD8/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00U1YCRD8&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=GHTNFP6CB4HSP5UR) (see costs). Great for most all skin types. Helps to keep dryness and oil in check while locking in moisture. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00U1YCRD8&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00U1YCRD8/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00U1YCRD8&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=2eb8fbce33acca96c4f7896d0162a723)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00U1YCRD8) ## **2. Moisturize two times a day** This may seem a bit like overkill bit here is the deal – if you want to keep away those wrinkles and avoid the onset of new lines, you need to start ritualizing your skincare routine. This means getting into the good habit of moisturizing. There are several products to choose from but if you are like most guys, you want to keep it simple. That’s why you might want to consider CeraVe’s morning moisturizing and their nighttime moisturizer. [Morning Moisturizer for men here](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003WN1ELQ/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B003WN1ELQ&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=DKRPE5LDDNF635BV) (check for great deals) [Evening Moisturizer for men here](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00365DABC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00365DABC&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=3KEQX5SWZFNVUQPI) (competitive pricing) ## **3. Don’t forget the eyes** If there is one part of the face that shows the visible signs of aging more than anyplace else, it is the eye area. While you will never be able to prevent lines and wrinkles from happening in this area, there is a lot you can do to minimize their appearance and prevent a lot of them from cropping up in the first place. There’s no need to spend vast amounts of cash on creams. Many of these products contain similar ingredients. Here is what you can use two times a day (morning and night) to push back against wrinkles around your eyes. **What to use:** [CeraVe Eye Repair Cream](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00JJPMXDO/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00JJPMXDO&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=L4W5HDUVXGJIU7LZ) (check Amazon) ## **4. Gentle Scrub 2-3x a week** There’s plenty of advice on the Internet suggesting how many times you should scrub your face. Most all of the articles are geared towards women. Here is the deal – guys have a much different dermal layer than gals. Because our mugs tend to be less soft and more rugged, it is important to use a product that is focused on helping to remove debris, such as dirt and oil, without stripping our faces of masculine features. One of the best products you can use is easy on the pocket book and does a phenomenal job with exfoliating is Dove’s face scrub for men. You can get this from most drugstores or simply buy it online at Amazon. **What to use:** Black Wolf Face Scrub ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3TXWGWs)) [![mens facial mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/best-mens-facial-cream-mask.jpg?resize=471%2C313&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/best-mens-facial-cream-mask.jpg?ssl=1)Use a Mask ## **5. Get your face muddy** This particular suggestion is one that a lot of guys shy away from because they think only girls use a face mask. Guess what dudes – it simply isn’t true. If you want to give yourself a more youthful appearance while helping to prevent lines and wrinkles, you need to start getting into the habit of using some type of clay mask at least 1x a week. Using a mask helps in a number of ways that you might not have ever considered. - Removes deeply embedded blackheads - Unclogs pours - Tightens pours (large pours are make you look older) - Gives skin a refreshed look and reduces “dullness”. There are a lots of masks to choose from but almost all of them contain chemicals and dyes that aren’t necessarily good for your skin. I’ve done plenty of research on this and personally believe one of the best products out there is Glam Glow Youth Mud. The product works by stimulating collagen at the dermal layer while also helping to resurface your face through gentle exfoliation. When you use Glam Glow, expect a slight tingling to take place. This happens because the natural ingredients, including volcanic ash (that’s right – from a volcano) is working on your skin’s viscosity. Pricing on this product will depend upon the retailer and supplies. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2qbPIyy) for current offerings. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B0002ZOF2M&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002ZOF2M/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0002ZOF2M&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=550dfd8c8f2a2b3da31a3c2f896da777)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0002ZOF2M) ## **6. Use the right shave cream** This point may seem obvious but it is worth mentioning all the same. If you are like a lot of guys, you probably use a shaving cream that’s on sale or something your significant other picked up at the store. That’s cool but if you want to get rid of those lines, you might want to attend to this task yourself. An excellent shave cream designed by dermatologists just for a guy’s face is *Men’s Science Androceuticals Advanced Shave Formula.* Not only does if provide a great shaving experiencing, it doesn’t foam and is unscented. Great for preventing razor burns and even better at helping at preventing wrinkles. Why? The product isn’t loaded with harsh chemicals like that blue stuff in a can. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2qbL7wD) for pricing. FYI: If you are someone who sports a goatee, be sure to read this post on [goatee grooming](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/). ## **7. Use an aftershave balm** After shaving, a lot of guys simply dry their face with a cloth and forget to moisturize. The end result? Dry, rough, patchy skin that later has the potential to crack and peel. If you live in a cold weather climate, this point is particularly true. This is why you will want to use an aftershave balm that is designed to seal in moisture while calming your skin in a way that reduces redness and bumps. An excellent product to consider is Proraso Aftershave Balm. What’s great about Proraso is that it soothes your face after shaving while strengthening the dermal layer. Infused with aloe vera and vitamin E, the licorice smelling product gives you a fresh, clean look. **What to use:** [Proraso After Shave Balm](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008654MNM/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B008654MNM&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=S64566D6ZANPECHR) (see current offerings) ## **8. Reduce time in the sun** This point may seem obvious because it has been said thousands of times by skin experts. What some people confuse is reducing time in the sun with avoiding the sun entirely. If you are like most guys, you like being outdoors from time to time. An easy way to have the best of both worlds (outdoors and fun in sun) is to use a sunblock, particularly for extended periods outside. The previously mentioned products for morning moisturizing under point #2 offer an all-around good skin protectant because it has an SPF 30 sunscreen inside. That’s great for 30-60 minutes outdoors. But if your plans include anything that places you under direct, intense sunlight for more than an hour, consider a full on sunblock. Opt for something with at least an SPF of 50. No need to break the bank on this one guys. **What to use:** Cardon Sunblock for men ([see Amazon for current price](https://amzn.to/3L2GyP6)) [![sleep to prevent wrinkles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/get-sleep-to-prevent-wrinkles-and-lines.jpg?resize=500%2C334&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/get-sleep-to-prevent-wrinkles-and-lines.jpg?ssl=1)Close-up of young man is sleeping on bed. ## **9. Get the right amount of sleep** Yet another obvious point but is being covered all the same is sleep. There have been some reports to suggest that you can get by with around six hours. Personally, I believe that’s a bunch of hooey. The National Sleep Foundation has published some great recommendations which are correlated to age and stage of life. Rather than reinvent the wheel, I will simply provide an informational link. FYI – if you are between the ages of 26-64, your goal should be 7-9 hours per night. **How much sleep:** [National Sleep Foundation Sleep Chart](https://sleepfoundation.org/sites/default/files/STREPchanges_1.png) ## **10. Reduce stress in your life** This final point is one that is often neglected and discounted but it shouldn’t be. While some stress is normal, too much stress can wreak havoc on your body, including your face. Self-care needs to be part of your wellness dynamic. What does this mean? Well, sleep is certainly important but so are some other things: - Healthy diet that is rich in nutrients to fuel your body - Engaging in strength training and other forms of physical activity as a tool for stress relief - Not smoking cigarettes - Reducing the amount of alcohol intake - Mindfulness based living, such as mediation ## **Bonus Areas** **What about Botox?** A lot of men are curious about Botox but feel weird about asking questions. There are tons of reasons for this, including concerns about coming off as vein or thinking only girls have this procedure done. Well guys it is like this – there’s nothing wrong with a dude getting Botox if you think it will help with deep lines and wrinkles. Below you will find a link to more information. [Men’s Botox Guide – What to Expect](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/) ## **What about water & hydration?** It goes without saying that hydration is key to skincare. The question of course is – *how much water?* New [research](http://nutritionreviews.oxfordjournals.org/content/63/suppl_1/S30.abstract) suggests that we should be using thirst as a determinant of fluid intake. While that’s fine and dandy, a lot of guys wait until they are dehydrated before reaching for something to drink. Regarding skincare and fluid intake, most all of the combined studies suggest that on average, you should try to get in 10-15 cups of water per day. This equates to 3.7 liters, give or take. ## **Final Thoughts** Taking care of your appearance, including your face, is a sign that you give a hoot about yourself. There’s nothing arrogant or effeminate about this. That’s why I published an article all about [men’s face care](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/). It matters. After all, it is your mug, right? If you are a body builder or involved with strength training, it makes sense that you will want to place some amount of emphasis on your face, just like you do with sculpting your muscles. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling – please like on Facebook and other social media! **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Beauty Tips for Men, Face Care Men, Grooming, Grooming Tips, Men, men's skin care --- ### [7 Reasons Guys Like Classic Muscle Cars](https://guycounseling.com/7-reasons-guys-like-classic-muscle-cars/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![muscle car 1968 el camino](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/1968-el-camino.jpeg?resize=600%2C400&ssl=1 "1968 el camino") ## **Classic Muscle Cars & Guys** **Classic muscle cars** are cool – well, at least to me they are. I’ve always been drawn to them. What’s not to dig about a period of American automotive history spanning the 1960’s and 1970’s where some of the coolest, kick-ass cars of all time were designed, manufactured and produced right here in the USA? If you are a guy who is into muscle cars, you aren’t alone. But you probably already knew that. The truth is, dudes who are into classic muscle cars usually are buds with others who have similar interests. The same holds true for just about any hobby I suppose but I think this is particularly true about guys and muscle cars. And so this post isn’t about the cornucopia of specific muscle cars from yesterday – there’s written about that already on the web. Instead, this article steps behind the cars themselves and looks at the psychology behind their admirers, offering up 7 specific reasons why many guys find these automobiles so captivating. And so if you have ever been with a dude, who upon seeing a 1968 Shelby Mustang GT-500, shouted, “That’s freaking cool as hell!” … you are about to find out why. As an aside, the car at the top of this post is a 68 El Camino. Doesn’t it rock? Moving on … Some of the 7 reasons I am presenting below have been mentioned based on personal observation. Others have been listed based on informal discussions with classic muscle car owners, including friends of mine at the gym and some military students. At the end of this post, I have offered a poll to let you vote in as a way of chiming in. OK – check this out! ![7](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/7.jpg?resize=500%2C400&ssl=1 "7") ## **1. Fun To Restore** For a lot of guys, owning a classic muscle car provides a fun hobby to work on – pure and simple. Part of this process involves hunting down old parts online, traveling to dealerships and trolling old junkyards. And while some dudes can become obsessive in their pursuit of a part, like trying to find the header of a 1968 El Camino, the activity itself does provide a meaningful outlet to discharge stress. There are worse things to be involved with when you think about it, right? ## **2. Extensions of the Guy** Another reason a lot of guys are into class muscle cars – particularly men who own one – is fairly straight forward. The car is an extension of the man. When you think about it, this makes sense. If a dude owns a car like a 1969 Ford Mustang Boss 429, there’s a very good chance that guy has an assertive personality – or at least wants to project one. That car is all about power and aggression. It’s also just really cool to look at. As an aside, I’ve never bought into the stereotypes that guys have muscle cars because they are trying come off as “more masculine”. That’s just BS. The truth is, most guys are into a particular type of vehicle because they dig it. There’s no hidden Freudian, penis extension compensation thing going on here. Sometimes a car is just a car, you know? ## 1969 Ford Mustang Boss ![1969 Ford Mustang Boss](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/1969-mustang-boss.jpg?resize=500%2C400&ssl=1 "1969 mustang boss") ## **3. Muscle Cars Go with Tats** I can’t make a blanket statement here but the majority of guys I have met who own a muscle car have at least one tattoo. I’ve written about tattoos extensively on this blog, including things like [Owl tattoos and what the symbols mean](https://guycounseling.com/owl-tattoos-learn-their-symbolism-and-meaning/). And so the connection with the tats I mentioned above is simply to say that just like getting inked is a highly personal thing (for men and women) so is the decision to buy a given type of automobile. In the case of classic muscle cars, they kind of naturally go hand in hand. This point is particularly true for military folks and body builders. It’s all part of the image. ## **4. Liberating**  Some people may disagree with this point but I’m listing it because that’s what I’ve observed. Muscle cars represent freedom and I’m not talking about the patriotic type. Instead, I’m talking about personal freedom. When you jump into a 1969 Chevy Camaro ZL1, you are instantly transported back in time to a place where classic rock ruled and speed was king. And so when you open up a 69 Camaro’s 427 V-8 engine, you soon recognize the definition of true power, which is super liberating. FYI – with ZL1, there were only 70 ever created according to most of the research I have done. If I am wrong, let me know. ## **5. Muscle Cars Grab Attention** When you see a really cool muscle car, like a 1970 Plymouth Hemi Cuda (Barracuda), there’s a good chance you will take notice. You may not know the name of this automobile when you see it if you aren’t into cars but you will absolutely take note of its presence. Why? Because classic muscle cars, like the one mentioned above, are super unique. This one had a shaker hood, which was mounted on top of the car’s air cleaner. You just don’t see these kinds of automobiles anymore and that’s why they grab attention. And for a lot of guys, cars like 70’ Barracuda serve as a kind of babe magnet. Yep – some people think the car itself makes the guy “sexy”. That may sound stereotypical but I’m trying to keep it real. Guys know some of these cars attract women. ## 1969 Plymouth Hemi Barracuda ![1970-Plymouth-Hemi-Barracuda](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/1970-Plymouth-Hemi-Barracuda-wallpaper.jpg?resize=500%2C400&ssl=1 "1970-Plymouth-Hemi-Barracuda-wallpaper") ## **6. Channeling the Bad Boy** One of my students, a mid-30’s aged executive in the banking industry, recently told me all about his bright orange 1970 Chevelle SS. Bear in mind this is a guy who wears a pinstripe suit and wingtips to the office every day. When I mentioned to him the contrast between his conservative career personality and his private life, he told me the following: When I am at work, I’m the professional, responsible manager my bosses expect me to be. I wear the costume \[the suit\] and comb my hair to the side. When I’m not at work and with my Chevelle, I’m able to let go of all that crap and just be more authentic. If it’s the weekend, I don’t shave and even [sport a goatee](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/). My girlfriend tells me it’s my bad boy side.” While I don’t think all guys who have a classic muscle car are channeling their inner “bad boy” per se’, I do think there is some truth about the car acting as a conduit to something deeper and more personal. And what’s wrong with that? ## **7. Muscle Cars are Just Cool** The final and perhaps most obvious point is this – muscle cars are totally cool. Yeah, I know there are a lot of people who preach about how dangerous some of these cars were and how they promoted unsafe driving. I hear that. But that doesn’t mean these classic cars weren’t cool. Whenever I see a really amazing muscle car, like a 1968 Plymouth Roadrunner, it instantly hypnotizes me. Sorry but it just does. Maybe that’s true for you too? ## **Final Thoughts** Classic muscle cars are no doubt a piece of Americana. For many guys (and some women to be fair) these automobiles hold special meaning. This is particularly true if you are old enough to remember when a few of these beauties first came out – like the 1967 Impala. If you don’t know what this one looks like, check out any episode of *[The Supernatural](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460681/)* that airs on the CW network. ## 1967 Chevy Impala from Supernatural ![1967 chevy impala supernatural](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/1967-chevy-impala.jpg?resize=601%2C355&ssl=1 "1967 chevy impala") Beyond being cool to look at, an attraction to muscle cars also holds psychological components. I know I haven’t listed all of the reasons why guys find them so magnetic – for example, the historical aspects that are connected to a given automobile’s mythical lore. But I do think the reasons shared here speak to the “biggies”. Below I am offering a poll for you to vote in. Be sure to pick the reason you think most represents why feel dudes like muscle cars. And if you own (or owned) a classic, please feel free to post in the discussion area. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling. \[poll id=”13″\] **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** muscle cars --- ### [5 Tips When Caught Plagiarizing To Save Your Bacon!](https://guycounseling.com/caught-plagiarizing-5-tips-to-get-out-of-hot-water/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![caught plagiarizing ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/plagarizing-cheating.jpg?resize=558%2C403&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/plagarizing-cheating.jpg?ssl=1) ## ***Caught Plagiarizing? Learn What to do!*** You have just received a stern email from your professor who is rather upset with you because the paper you submitted several days ago appears to be [plagiarized](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0309877022000021748). Attached to the e-mail is a file that shows hard documentation of where you grabbed the information off the Internet, essentially copying and pasting the work of others in a foolish and stupid attempt to pass the material off as your own. At the end of the electronic message, your professor asks you for an explanation and also threatens to score your essay as a zero. As chills run down your spine and heavy feelings of humiliation begin to settle in, you notice the final sentence of the email from your professor … *“You may have violated the university’s academic honesty policy and I am considering submitting to the school for potential disciplinary action.”* Sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. The truth is many learners \[online and ground based\] try to take short cuts on writing assignments because they were up against a time clock and stress out. This happens when procrastination on doing an assignment in advance wins out over good time management and planning skills. ### **I’ve just been caught plagiarizing – what do I do?** What follows are five specific tips on how to handle a situation where you have intentionally plagiarized the work of others and got busted by your teacher. While there are tons of articles on the Internet about plagiarism prevention, few exist on what students should do when they are caught red handed. [![caught plagarizing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/busted-plagiarizing.gif?resize=314%2C337&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/busted-plagiarizing.gif?ssl=1) Read this carefully and follow these steps to help minimize any potential damage you have inflicted upon yourself. The advice here is primarily aimed towards online students but is also useful for learners who are in ground based programs or a combination of both. **FYI:** I’ve been involved with higher education for many years now as an educator and as a counselor. My hope is that what you read here may be of benefit to you – particularly if you just got busted cheating and are feeling stressed out about college. ### **Tip 1: Don’t play the “I didn’t know it was plagiarism” game** Folks, I am here to tell you first hand that the most annoying thing your professor can hear as a response to a plagiarism charge is anything that sounds like, “*I didn’t know it was plagiarism*.” Come on now, – let’s get real. If you purposely copied and pasted entire swaths of material from a website and tried to pass it off as your own work, it’s plagiarism, pure and simple. Somewhere deep down inside, you know this is true, even if you cannot bring yourself to fully admit this. And here is the straight truth on this point – your professor knows this too. #### **Why you got caught plagiarizing** The plagiarism report that was attached to the email you were sent from your instructor was likely from turnitin.com, Safe Assign or some other outfit that is designed to sniff out unoriginal work. While these applications can sometimes make mistakes, most of the time they do not. And if you have borrowed a bunch of material from a website and then stuck it into your paper without properly citing, the plagiarism programs pick it up easy! In fact, many colleges and universities have these programs built into the classroom, which means the moment you click the “submit” button to upload your essay, the plagiarism checkers are on it before your professor ever sees the work! ### **Tip 2: Don’t pretend you don’t know how to properly cite.** This is another lame excuse that you do not want to give your professor after getting busted for plagiarism. While it is true that you may struggle with [basic elements of APA](https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/560/01/), we both know you are lying when you claim you do not know how to cite. Common sense should tell you that if you are using the work of others, [including synthesizing](https://guycounseling.com/synthesis-writing/), you need to demonstrate in some way that you *tried* to offer credit to the original author. Some may consider this point a bit murky but I am speaking directly to college students who basically know they stole work from others and tried to pass it off as their own. Using this particular excuse will likely cause your professor to take further action and force you to be enrolled in a writing workshop or course specifically focused on avoiding plagiarism. Do you want to have to deal with this time waster? If your answer is no, don’t use the “I didn’t know how to properly cite” excuse. It’s lame, old and played out. [![busted](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/busted.gif?resize=300%2C130&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/busted.gif?ssl=1) ### **Tip 3: Don’t write a defensive response back to your professor** While this point may seem like common sense, I can’t tell you how many students have made matters worse because they got all ticked off and wrote a defensive email in response to their professor’s plagiarism inquiry email. Keep in mind that this article is specifically designed for online students who have *intentionally* plagiarized. You know who you are. Folks, if you knowingly went onto the Internet and snatched somebody else’s writings, do yourself a favor and don’t send your e-instructor a nasty-gram. It will likely cause a bad situation to become worse and pretty much guarantee your paper will be sent to administration. Please – do not do this. Instead, follow the next tip. ### **Tip 4: Respond with a gentle, non-defensive tone.** This point is key and one that you will want to read carefully! When you respond to your professor, use a non-defensive, humble tone that speaks from a place of contrition. While I am not suggesting that you actually admit in writing that you have intentionally plagiarized, I am suggesting that you offer something that demonstrates your awareness of the seriousness of the situation. I received such an email from a student and it swayed me in a powerful way to effectively make the problem go away for the learner. Here is what the online student wrote (part 1). *Dear Professor: I appreciate you writing me and* letting *me know about what you discovered with my essay. I want to deeply apologize for causing you to have to take time out of your busy schedule in order to deal with this. I will not give you a bunch of excuses.* Notice that the student immediately came off as genuine and real, offering an awareness of the problem without going into a lot of detail. This same student also offered an apology, which matters! This kind of approach is helpful to the instructor because they don’t have to play the back and forth game with the student related to points 1-3 above. [![busted-4e06601e43bb3](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/busted-4e06601e43bb3.png?resize=300%2C116&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/busted-4e06601e43bb3.png?ssl=1) ### **Tip 5: Ask to resubmit for partial credit** This particular tip can help you earn at least partial credit for the plagiarized assignment and avoid an official plagiarism report being attached to your academic record. Going back to the student mentioned in the previous tip, she added language to the end of her email to me that basically begged for forgiveness and a request that she be allowed to resubmit for partial credit. Because the learner showed integrity, I was persuaded to let her resubmit the essay and earn some kind of points for the paper. The approach here is simple – after you show contrition, give your professor a way out. What you may not realize that is that writing up plagiarism reports as a faculty member is extremely time-consuming. In fact, it is dreaded by almost all adjuncts and full-time professors, be they web-based or brick and mortar. By taking the lead here and showing integrity, plus offering a potential pathway out of the situation for you and your instructor, you are creating a possible “win-win” dynamic. Who would have thought this was possible, considering where this entire article started out? **FYI:** You need to know that this final tip is not guaranteed to work. There are going to be some online faculty members who will throw your ass to the dogs because you cheated. I will say however that in many cases, they  won’t  provided you take the right approach. ### **Final Thoughts** Plagiarism with students is nothing new. Most faculty members who teach in the distance learning space have run into this issue many, many times. The approach you as a student t adopt after getting busted will in large part influence what happens next. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00UIENA7I&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00UIENA7I/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00UIENA7I&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=ABVAV4MGY7FVRBF4)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00UIENA7I)I can tell you from experience that you do not want an official mark on your academic file for plagiarism. If you are in the military, employed with the Federal government or involved with some other type of work where background checks happen frequently, a plagiarism charge placed on your academic record *may* show up. Additionally, multiple charges of plagiarism at a school often results in the offender being booted from their college or institution. Sadly, this means that a learner will have blown thousands of dollars in tuition, only to get a big fat goose-egg for taking short cuts. My final point here to any student thinking of plagiarizing is this – please don’t do it! There used to be a time where detecting unoriginal writing was hit or miss at schools. Now a-days, most of them employ the latest technologies to detect plagiarism. You are far better off being late with an assignment and losing points for tardiness than getting into big time trouble for stealing the work of others. PS: I’ve recommended a book above that may help you save time with your writing assignments in school. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** College, plagiarism, school --- ### [A Closer Look at Actor Nick Zano](https://guycounseling.com/nick-zano-facts-age-height-workout-routine/) **Published:** September 8, 2022 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** [![nick zano shirtless muscle](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-shirtless-muscle.jpg?resize=302%2C415&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-shirtless-muscle.jpg?ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Nick Zano Facts](#Nick_Zano_Facts) - [Nick Zano Questions](#Nick_Zano_Questions) - [Nick Zano Vitals](#Nick_Zano_Vitals) - [Nick Zano Background](#Nick_Zano_Background) - [Nick Zano Age](#Nick_Zano_Age) - [Nick Zano Personality](#Nick_Zano_Personality) - [Nick Zano Girlfriends – Married](#Nick_Zano_Girlfriends_%E2%80%93_Married) - [Nick Zano Physical Characteristics](#Nick_Zano_Physical_Characteristics) - [Nick Zano Body Type](#Nick_Zano_Body_Type) - [Nick Zano Workout](#Nick_Zano_Workout) - [Nick Zano Diet](#Nick_Zano_Diet) - [Nick Zano Grooming](#Nick_Zano_Grooming) - [Final Thoughts](#Final_Thoughts) ## **Nick Zano Facts** **Nick Zano** (aka Nicky Zano) is an actor you have likely seen on [film and in television](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1214657/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cl_t10) but may know little about. One of his best known roles was his character Vince in the hit television series, *What I Like About You* (2003-2006). More recently, he has appeared on sitcoms like *Two Broke Girls* in the role of Johnny and *One Big Happy* as Luke. What’s remarkable about this celebrity is the way he has been able to keep himself physically fit while defying his true age. Believe it or not – Nick Zano is almost 40 years old! Recently, there has been a great deal of interest in this star because of his expanding television presence. People want to know basic facts about the man – including his age, height, workout routine and approach to grooming. Given his rising popularity, I thought it might be kind of cool to do an analysis of Nick Zano to uncover the answers to these questions. If you are a fan of MDL, you likely know that I go into a lot of detail about celebrity workouts and self-care routines and include a psychological slant. ![Zick Zano](https://i0.wp.com/wwwimage.cbsstatic.com/base/files/blog/zano_sec.jpg?resize=606%2C280)Credit: CBS ### **Nick Zano Questions** So that is the secret to Nick Zano’s physique? How has he been able to build and maintain such a strong, lean and attractive body? What does he do to keep himself in shape? Is there something we can glean from his body type that might give us clues to his physical appearance? And what might Nick Zano be doing to keep himself looking much younger than his biological age? I’ve studied this [blue eyed actor](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) for some time now and looked at some of the details of his past. My hope in presenting what appears here – viewed through the bifocal lenses of behavioral profiling and exercise science – will allow you to enhance your appearance using Nick Zano as a blueprint. Let’s take a look at some of the basic details on Nick Zano so you can gain a better understanding of this guy. For fun, I’ve included information about his girlfriends, based on the public record. You will also find specific observations about his workout routine and my best analysis for Nick Zano’s self-care routine. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! [![nick zano face shot](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-face-shot.jpg?resize=585%2C329&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-face-shot.jpg?ssl=1)Credit: thefashionisto.com ### **Nick Zano Vitals** Birthday: March 8, 1978 Place of Birth: Nutley, NJ Zodiac Sign: [Pisces Man (see Pisces man personality!)](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) Height: 6’1 Body Type: Ectomorph ### **Nick Zano Background** The backstory on this actor is that he has always been a movie-buff. He’s gone on record sharing that he developed his passion for the silver screen at the age of 12 when he watched the flick, *Good Fellas* starting Robert De Niro (1990). He was born in New Jersey but spent most of his formative years in West Palm Beach, Florida. During his time at ***Wellington High School***, he was active in the drama club. Going by the public record, it also sounds like he spent a lot of time in detention. That time, however, would not go to waste as Zano used it as an opportunity to write short films. In 2001 at the age of 23, Zano moved to Los Angeles to throw his hat into the world of acting. To make ends meet, he worked at Kenneth Cole as a shoe salesman. It wasn’t long before folks in the entertainment industry started to take notice of him and he started picking up gigs. I won’t go into his impressive list of credits here but if you are interested in checking them out, visit his filmography pages on his [IMDb file](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1214657/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cl_t10). [![Nick Zano hat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-hat.jpg?resize=500%2C428&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-hat.jpg?ssl=1) ### **Nick Zano Age** Nick Zano was born in March of 1978. At the time of this publication, that makes him 37-years old. He’s not yet 40 but is getting close. I am mentioning this because when you look at this actor, he seems to be one of those people that are somehow able to defy his true age. Very few people have this ability. About the only person that comes close is mega-watt celebrity, Jared Leto. I’ll be getting into some of the reasons what I think Zano is able to do this but what is important that you know now is that the man appears to have good genes. According to his personal bio, he is a mix of Italian, Sicilian and Irish. Men who have Mediterranean backgrounds usually have oily skin. While this can often be a negative in terms of acne, it can be a net positive on the anti-wrinkle front. I’ll be getting into his skin care routine later but I’ll state here that genetics is a key factor when it comes to youthfulness. This is why it is important to know something about your background when making [choices for grooming](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/)[.](https://guycounseling.com?s=mens+grooming) [![Nick Zano Jeans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-jeans.jpg?resize=539%2C303&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-jeans.jpg?ssl=1)Nick Zano Credit: thefashionisto.com ### **Nick Zano Personality** In studying Zano’s personality, all indications suggest this is a very warm and gentle person, devoid of the arrogance that we see in so many Hollywood celebrities. He grew up in a household of women, being raised by his great grandmother, mother and two aunts. Just to give you an idea of how real this guy is – his grandmother was a bartender – meaning he came from he came from working person stock, just like me and perhaps just like you. Based on other research, it also appears Nick (aka Nicky” has used the gym from very early in his life to channel his energy in a positive way. In a [post appearing on Tumblr](http://photobynickzano.tumblr.com/post/28825205603/two-years-feels-like-two-days), he shared that when he was 12 years old; he got into a bit of trouble and did some things he wasn’t proud of. His grandfather apparently helped turn him onto physical fitness to help young Nicky find productive ways of coping with all that he was going through at that young age in his life. This also is a man who happens to be fond of the water. Growing up mostly in Florida and close to the Atlantic Ocean, he reportedly spent a lot of time on the beach. Later in life, he transplanted to the West coast – near the Pacific Ocean – with plenty of photographic evidence to suggest he enjoys the blue water encompassing the California coast.  In this way, he is similar to his fellow blue eyed celebrities, Mr. Scott Eastwood and Christopher “Captain Kirk” Pine. We know his public interviews that he has a creative streak. For example, he shared in an interview with *Just Jared* in 2009 that he enjoys being in front of the camera as an actor and behind the camera as a director. These talents appear to date to his young adulthood. Most descriptions that appear online of Zano describe him as approachable, down to earth and charming. If you notice, this actor gives off a very laidback, “go with it” vibe. Growing up near progressive West Palm Beach, Florida – it kind of makes sense. His Interview Magazine back and forth piece with [buddy Channing Tatum](http://www.interviewmagazine.com/culture/nick-zano/#_) gives you a bird’s eye view into his personality. [![nick zano kate dennings beach](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-kate-dennings-beach.jpg?resize=490%2C361&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-kate-dennings-beach.jpg?ssl=1)Nick Zano and Kate Dennings. Credit: Daily Mail ### **Nick Zano Girlfriends – Married** Zano has an extensive history of dating women with many of them being involved in some way in the entertainment industry. A sampling of these women includes: - Kate Dennings - Haylie Duff - Kristin Cavallari - Rachel Perry - Kendal Sheppard - Amanda Bynes According to Glamourpath, Nick is not married but is in a relationship with Canadian actress Leah Renee Cudmore. In July 2016, she gave birth to their son. Their second child, a daughter, was born in 2018. [![nick zano shirtless](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-shirtless.jpg?resize=520%2C549&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-shirtless.jpg?ssl=1)Nick Zano on TV Show: Mom ### **Nick Zano Physical Characteristics** Zano stands at 6’1 and has a muscular, defined physique. He has brownish hair that can sometimes take on different hews of red, depending upon the lighting. What is most striking is how much he looks like superstar, Brad Pitt. When you compare their photos and match them with pictures of what Pitt looked like in his early 30’s, it’s kind of striking. ### **Nick Zano Body Type** When you look at this actor, you can easily tell that he fits the ectomorph profile. He stands at 6’1 and weighs in the neighborhood of 175-180lbs. Ectomorphs typically are tall and thin and sometimes have difficulty putting on new muscle because of their elongated muscle fiber types. Captain America star, Chris Evans, is an ectomorph. [![nick zano shirtless gym](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-shirtless-gym.jpg?resize=465%2C490&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/nick-zano-shirtless-gym.jpg?ssl=1)Nick Zano ### **Nick Zano Workout** Based on photographic evidence and remarks made by the star, we can draw some conclusions about his likely workout routine. Bear in mind that Nick is a physically active guy and likes to be outdoors when possible. His hobbies include playing football, hanging out by the beach and painting. He has a dog named Rocco that he likes to spend time with and take on long walks. These activities (save the paining) are just part of his natural approach to getting in cardio vascular exercise. He doesn’t need to do a lot of cardio however, because most ectomorphs are naturally built and have a relatively easy time keeping off body fat. This is unlike their endomorphic counterparts like Zach Efron. Nick Zano likely spends a great deal of time in the gym involved with basic strength training, coupled with plyometric type exercises. His routines likely include: - Warmup exercises to help get blood moving - Focused upper body workouts, zeroing in on pecs. - Focused arm workouts for biceps and triceps - Specific back exercises for width - Basic lower body exercises for legs - Cardio exercise (likely 4x a week) on treadmill or bike ![nick zano sexy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/nick-zano-athlete.jpg?resize=434%2C648&ssl=1)Nick Zano – Photo credit: Deposit photos ### **Nick Zano Diet** Not much is known about Nick Zano’s diet however, we can make some assumptions based on his physical appearance. There is no way he looks as fit as he does without adhering to some type of regimented eating schedule. This means he likely has 4-5 small meals a day (when possible) and is mindful of the nutritional value of what he consumes. Because Nick is part Italian/Sicilian, he likely eats a lot of fish – a food that is generally low in fat and high in protein – and happens to be a major staple of the culture. He has been known to eat fast foods, as indicated in his interview with buddy Channing Tatum. Given his current age, it will be important for Nick to avoid eating foods that are high because his metabolic rate is changing as he ages. Nick also enjoys the occasional bear (we know this from pictures). Nothing wrong with this however, as he continues to age the star will need to be mindful of how much alcohol he consumes because in most cases, it adds nothing but empty calories to his body. Most ectomorphs benefit from a fairly high caloric intake. The trick for this body type, however, is to make sure the *right* types of foods are being ingested. Examples include chicken, fish, beans (lentils) and nuts. Should Nick decide to eat foods that are not the healthiest for him – such as fast food – he will need to make sure his gym visits are consistent and not [find excuses](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/) for blowing them off. [![nick zano photo shoot 2015](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Nick-Zano.jpg?resize=605%2C340&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Nick-Zano.jpg?ssl=1)Nick Zano Credit: thefashinisto ### **Nick Zano Grooming** Given the youthful appearance of Nick Zano, there are likely a number of things he does on the self-care front enhance and maintain what we see on TV. When you look closely at his face, you can however see some of the tell-tale signs of aging. This is particularly true around the eyes (crow’s feet) and lines on the forehead. The wrinkles are likely a combination of genetics and time spent in the bright California sun. I am going to walk you through his possible skin care routine for those of you who are interested in replicating what he might be doing to look so amazing. Obviously, these suggestions are based on my own personal observations and careful examination of Nick Zano and you may have your own.[![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000980PGC&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000980PGC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000980PGC&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=RIILBFWYQ2DDPK25)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000980PGC) #### **Face wash and Moisturizer** I suspect strongly that Nick Zano doesn’t primp in front of the mirror and spend and spend an exorbitant amount of time fussing over his face. Given that he is prone to oily skin, he likely uses a simple product on a daily basis for basic cleaning. An example can be found in Dermalogica’s Essential Cleansing Solution [(see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3BrdayU)). https://www.instagram.com/p/CPJA-DIBYPK/ For moisturizing, I suspect he uses something that is non-greasy, offers sun protection and helps to keep redness at a minimum. Because Nick is part Irish, he is prone to the skin condition known as rosacea. He likely uses something like Eucerin’s Redness Relief Moisturizer [(see Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3x9CRBE)). If he isn’t doing this already (I suspect he is) Nick could benefit from using something around the eyes to help minimize the appearance of wrinkles. A good product for this would be CeraVe eye repair cream. This is an inexpensive product that yields excellent results because it contains hyaluronic acid that has a smoothing effect. Plus, the cream doubles to [reduce dark circles](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) under the eyes and get rid of puffiness. #### **Hair** Nick Zano has no visible signs of hair loss. In fact, his hairline doesn’t seem to really have receded. This is unusual because a lot of guys start to experience some type of hair loss in their late 20’s to mid-30’s. Apparently, he has the luck of the Irish – at least in part since he is part Irish and part Sicilian. ![](https://i0.wp.com/www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Nick%2BZano%2BlOwSNud_8-nm.jpg?resize=360%2C240)Nick Zano – Credit: Zimbio You can bet he goes to a professional stylist to achieve the look you see on television. If I had to guess, he may use something at home to chase away the gray hairs. A product that comes to mind is a color glaze by Garnier ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3RzdMsa)). The great thing about this product is that it doesn’t deposit permanent color. Instead, it coats the hair with a luminous gel like substance that you rinse off in the shower. The end result is a high shine with a decent darkening in light (grey) areas. Again – this is not hair coloring. If his stylist is coloring his hair (something not unusual for men now-a-days), it is likely a natural brown product of some type that naturally blends in. #### **Shampoo and Conditioner** My sense of Nick Zano is that he is a laid back guy who pays attention to his appearance. Not unusual for most celebrities, right? He likely uses something that’s not overly complicated, such as a 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner. Redken for Men has a product called *Clean Spice* that would work well with Nick’s hair type [(](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003MJFHCC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B003MJFHCC&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=JY56RPFKEZ42FGJI)[See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3qpBR8E)[)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003MJFHCC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B003MJFHCC&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=JY56RPFKEZ42FGJI). Because he has thick hair, dense hair, he may need to use something like Dove’s Fortifying Paste, which helps to keep everything in place and affords the ability to sculpture. ### **Final Thoughts** I’m obviously a fan of Nick Zano and I suspect that since you have read this article, you are too. His career to be doing well and he has been picking up more and more prominent acting gigs as of late. He just needs to continue to be mindful of the sun and avoid too much exposure to skin damage. What’s great about Nick is that his physique is naturally built and not overdone. **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** Celebrities, nick zano --- ### [Best Leg Exercises for Mass: 3 Muscle Increasing Routines](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/) **Published:** September 7, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![leg workout](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/leg-workout.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) ## **Good Leg Workouts Add Body Symmetry** You probably came here because you were looking for some **good leg workouts**. If truth be told, legs are probably the least favorite part of the body to train if you ask most guys.  If you are anything like most of the dudes, you probably struggle with working out your lower body because the exercises designed to build **leg muscle** and strength are typically boring and monotonous. What’s more, depending upon your geographic location, there is a good chance that others will never see your legs because of the weather! Perhaps it is this reason so many men focus almost exclusively on [upper body workouts](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workouts-focus-chest/) that concentrate on the chest and [arms](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/). Here is the deal – good leg workouts are important. What many guys don’t realize is that the leg muscles are actually the largest and most powerful muscle group in the body. If you neglect to work them out regularly, you take away from your body’s total symmetry and end up looking a big goofy. Have you ever seen a guy with an impressive upper body but really tiny bird legs? If so, you know what I am talking about. It just doesn’t look right! ## **Leg Muscles and Workouts** This article will offer 3 good leg workouts that you can do to help you add muscle and mass to your lower body. The leg workout routines involve basic, compound movements that specifically focus on the quads (quadriceps), the calves (soleus and gastrocnemius muscles) and the hamstrings (bicep femoris, semitendinosus and semimembranosus). Is it important that you know the names and locations of these muscles so that when you train them, you do so with a focused, intentional and mindful approach. I am providing an illustration below that gives you a visual of the leg muscles so that you have a better idea of their location. ## **Leg Routine Information** There are a couple of things to keep in mind before doing any leg workouts. First, you will want to know your [body type](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/). For example, are you an ectomorph, mesomorph or endomorph? Knowing your body type can go a long way in helping with designing your leg workout routine in a way that yields good results. **Stretching** Staring a good leg workout routine requires a bit of caution. I say this because I want you to avoid potential injuries. And so it is for this reason it is important you stretch out your legs before engaging in any of the workouts mentioned below. The reason for this is because, as mentioned previously, the leg muscles are the largest muscle group in the body. They require strong blood flow and need to be properly warmed up. You can [stretch](http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/fitness/multimedia/stretching/sls-20076840) out your leg muscles through a few simple moves, as suggested by the Mayo Clinic. The last thing you want is to develop a leg cramp, which can totally derail your routine or tear a muscle. **Leg Workout Frequency** Finally, I would like you to keep in mind the three leg exercises I am mentioning here are simple in nature, meaning they target your leg muscles universally. These are great if you are a beginner or someone looking to ease back into including legs back into your routine. Generally speaking, you should try to workout your legs twice a week, with one day being a “heavy” day and the other being light.\[/vc\_column\_text\] ## **1. Leg Extension (Seated)** The seated leg extension is a great exercise for your quads (**rectus femoris**), which are the muscles located in the front part of the upper legs. The rectus femoris is one of four muscle heads that make up the quadriceps muscle group. This is where you and most people will see the most bulk when wearing shorts because the rectus femoris visually pops out in appearance, similar to how bicep muscles ideally appear when you have on a t-shirt. **Directions** Locate a leg extension machine and take a set. If necessary, adjust the bar so that the pads are touching the lower area of your legs. When you are ready, grip the side bars of the machines with your hands. Now slowly extend your legs upward until they are straight. Squeeze your quads when fully extended and hold for 1-2 seconds. Using a controlled, deliberate motion, slowly return back to the starting position. **Suggestions** Try doing 2-3 sets of 8-15 reps while adding small, incremental amounts of weight. Once again, use light weight when first starting out with this exercise. ## **2. Lying Leg Curls** If you are looking for more good leg workouts info to help build muscle around the back part of your legs, the lying leg curl is a great choice. This particular exercise targets the bicep femoris (aka hamstrings) and includes the added benefit of tightening your butt (gluteus maximus). I admit this is an exercise that many do not like because it can be intense. With that shared, if you are looking to increase the girth of your legs and shape your butt, lying leg curls need to be part of your lower body workout approach. **Directions** Locate a lying leg curl machine (plated or stacked). If your gym has an angled machine, use it as opposed to a flat one. The angled machine helps to reduce pressure on your back, which is an area prone to injury when workout out the lower body or any of the [back muscles](https://guycounseling.com/back-workouts-5-great-upper-lower-back-workouts-men/). Make sure the extension apparatus is properly adjusted so that the lowest part of your calves are resting comfortably on the pads. Start out with a light weight.  Grab the side handles of the machine. Now keeping your tummy and back flat, make sure your legs are full extended and your toes straight. Consider this your starting position. Now take in a big breath. Without lifting your upper legs from the pad, curl your legs upward as far as possible while exhaling. Once you are fully contracted at the end of curl, squeeze lightly and hold for about a second. Now take a deep breath and slowly return your legs back to the starting position. If you experience tightness in between sets, try getting up and walking a bit. Suggestion **Suggestions** Try doing 2-3 sets of 8-10 reps while adding small, incremental amounts of weight. Remember, *light* weight is key with this exercise when you are doing it for the first time to avoid possible injury. ## **3. Seated Calf Raises** If there is one set of muscles that guys complain about most, it is their calves. The size, width and shape of a person’s calve muscles are mostly determined by genetics. With that shared, this does not mean you cannot grow your calves in a way that transforms them from being slender carrot sticks to impressive spheres of bulk. A good leg exercise that targets your soleus and gastrocnemius muscles (calves) is the seated calf raise. **Directions** While sitting on the machine, position your toes on the lower part of the platform with your heels extended off the metal. With your lower thighs positioned under the pad, check to make sure the bar is properly adjusted and make corrections as necessary. Grab the hand holds. This is your starting position. Slowly lift your heals with a bending motion and release the safety bar. While taking in a deep breath, gently lower your heals until they are completely stretched. Now, exhale and carefully raise your heels upward by extending your ankles. The pressure should be placed on the balls of your feet. At this point, you should feel a deep stretch in your calves as your conduct the lift. At the top of the extension, hold for a second and squeeze lightly. Now slowly return your calves back to the starting position and rest for 1-2 minutes in between sets. **Suggestions** Try doing 3-4 sets of 15 reps.  Again – start off with light weight and gradually add more on in small increments. Focus on contracting the calf muscles during this lower body exercise so you can feel the squeeze in soleus and gastrocnemius muscles.[![body builder legs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/body-builder-legs.jpg?resize=453%2C251&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/body-builder-legs.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Good Leg Workouts Summary** All of the lower body leg workouts mentioned here should be considered as part of your total body workout. These lower body exercises presented above are specifically designed to target the muscle groups involving the quads, hamstrings and calves. There are of course a number of other lower body exercises that you can do as part of a comprehensive, good leg workout approach. I wanted to cover the basics in this post so that you had a foundation point from which to start. If you are looking for more advanced leg exercise, considering picking up a copy of [The Complete Book of Butt and Legs on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3qpxb2t). This is an easy to understand book that provides step by step instructions on how to build lower body muscles, like your legs! I hope you found the information on good leg workouts helpful. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling! Please like us on social media! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** leg exercise, leg workouts, Legs, muscle, muscle mass --- ### [25 Best Face Masks for Men](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/) **Published:** September 7, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mens face masks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mens-face-masks.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Men’s Face Mask Best Choices](#Mens_Face_Mask_Best_Choices) - [Mask Personal Story](#Mask_Personal_Story) - [Best Men’s Face Masks By Skin Type](#Best_Mens_Face_Masks_By_Skin_Type) - [Men’s Facial Skin](#Mens_Facial_Skin) - [Men’s Skin Types](#Mens_Skin_Types) - [Designer vs. Face Niche Masks](#Designer_vs_Face_Niche_Masks) - [Men’s Face Mask Pricing Mistakes](#Mens_Face_Mask_Pricing_Mistakes) - [How to Pick a Men’s Face Mask](#How_to_Pick_a_Mens_Face_Mask) - [25 Best Face Mask Options for Men](#25_Best_Face_Mask_Options_for_Men) - [NORMAL SKIN TYPE](#NORMAL_SKIN_TYPE) - [1. The Gentlemen’s Facial Mask](#1_The_Gentlemens_Facial_Mask) - [2. Anthony Deep Pore Clay Mask](#2_Anthony_Deep_Pore_Clay_Mask) - [3. Dead Sea Mud Mask](#3_Dead_Sea_Mud_Mask) - [4. Task Essential Red Mask](#4_Task_Essential_Red_Mask) - [5. Facial Mask Sheets for Men](#5_Facial_Mask_Sheets_for_Men) - [COMBINATION SKIN TYPE](#COMBINATION_SKIN_TYPE) - [6. Mr. Smith Clay Face Mask](#6_Mr_Smith_Clay_Face_Mask) - [7. Pure Biology Clay Mask](#7_Pure_Biology_Clay_Mask) - [8. Purifying Clay Mask](#8_Purifying_Clay_Mask) - [9. Barber Pro Face Putty Mask](#9_Barber_Pro_Face_Putty_Mask) - [10. Aria Starr Natural Dead Sea Mud Mask](#10_Aria_Starr_Natural_Dead_Sea_Mud_Mask) - [DRY SKIN TYPE](#DRY_SKIN_TYPE) - [11. Green Tea Matcha Mud Mask](#11_Green_Tea_Matcha_Mud_Mask) - [12. 24K Gold Facial Mask](#12_24K_Gold_Facial_Mask) - [13. Shea Hydrating Mud Mask](#13_Shea_Hydrating_Mud_Mask) - [14. Alaskan Glacial Face Mud](#14_Alaskan_Glacial_Face_Mud) - [15. Mizon Vital Up Mask](#15_Mizon_Vital_Up_Mask) - [OILY SKIN TYPE](#OILY_SKIN_TYPE) - [16. Dead Sea Mud Mask Sky Organics](#16_Dead_Sea_Mud_Mask_Sky_Organics) - [17. Boscia Green Tea Oil Control Mask](#17_Boscia_Green_Tea_Oil_Control_Mask) - [18. Rugged and Dapper Mineral Mask](#18_Rugged_and_Dapper_Mineral_Mask) - [19. Clay Mask for Men 5Th Street](#19_Clay_Mask_for_Men_5Th_Street) - [20. Men’s Science Cleansing Mask](#20_Mens_Science_Cleansing_Mask) - [SENSITIVE SKIN TYPE](#SENSITIVE_SKIN_TYPE) - [21. Insta-Natural Facial Rose Mask](#21_Insta-Natural_Facial_Rose_Mask) - [22. Evanhealy Green Tea Mask](#22_Evanhealy_Green_Tea_Mask) - [23. Via Mega Mud](#23_Via_Mega_Mud) - [24. Charcoal and Black Sugar Mask](#24_Charcoal_and_Black_Sugar_Mask) - [25. Body Shop Tea Tree Mask](#25_Body_Shop_Tea_Tree_Mask) - [How to apply men’s face masks](#How_to_apply_mens_face_masks) - [How often should men apply a face mask?](#How_often_should_men_apply_a_face_mask) - [What about washing mask off face?](#What_about_washing_mask_off_face) - [Should I use moisturize after?](#Should_I_use_moisturize_after) - [Facial Mask for Men By Season](#Facial_Mask_for_Men_By_Season) - [Men’s face mask myths](#Mens_face_mask_myths) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## **Men’s Face Mask Best Choices** Hunting for a good men’s face mask? Trying to assess which men’s face mask is best for your skin type? Is your goal to have more [attractive skin](https://search.informit.com.au/documentSummary;dn=377752894121643;res=IELHEA)? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you’ve come to the right place. The fact of the matter is most of the information on the web about men’s face masks is pretty skimpy. When you do find something of interest, you are forced to read through a bunch of bravado about “still being a man” if you decide to use one. Guys, I’m here to say you’ll find no such nonsense here. That’s because the men’s personal care market is a multi-billion-dollar industry. You have nothing to feel “weird” about or apologize for. In fact, you should feel good about wanting to look your best. It’s that simple. ![facial mask personal story](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/pexels-photo-1.jpg?resize=517%2C344&ssl=1) ## **Mask Personal Story** On summer morning several years ago, I went on a canoe tour in the upper Dells of Wisconsin. Unsure of where our group would meet, I asked a female park ranger for assistance. After pointing me in the right direction, she said, “I hope you brought some sunscreen today. For a guy with such a handsome face, I’d hate to see it get burned from the sun.” I thanked her and smiled. That’s when she added, “If you need anything else, feel free to come back and ask.” Her kind comment made my day. Who wouldn’t feel good about having an attractive woman say something nice like that? And while I’m already spoken for, that doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate the compliment. There’s something to be said about being noticed by a stranger. I’m mentioning this as a backdrop to what follows. The fact of the matter is men do care about their appearance. While the topic may not be part of our regular bro-talk, all of us know there is a direct connection between [self-esteem and perception](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). That’s why I decided to run a meta-analysis of the best men’s face mask products. Using consumer feedback and reviews as my guide, I data mined scores of different products to uncover the best products. Cool stuff, don’t you think? Here is the basic list broken down by skin type. Be scroll down to get specifics on each. ## Best Men’s Face Masks By Skin Type | BRAND | NORMAL | OILY | DRY | COMBO | SENSITIVE | |---|---|---|---|---|---| | Gentlemen’s Facial Mask | x | | | x | | | Anthony Deep Pore Clay Mask | | x | | x | | | Dead Sea Mud Mask | x | | | x | | | Task Essential Red Mask | x | | x | x | x | | Facial Mask Sheets for Men | x | | x | x | | | Mr. Smith Clay Face Mask | x | | | x | x | | Pure Biology Clay Mask | x | | x | x | | | Purifying Clay Mask | | | x | x | x | | Aria Starr Natural Dead Sea Mud Mask | x | x | x | x | x | | Green Tea Matcha Mud Mask | | | x | x | x | | 24K Gold Facial Mask | | | x | x | | | Shea Hydrating Mud Mask | | | x | x | x | | Alaskan Glacial Face Mud | | | x | x | | | Mizon Vital Up Mask | | | x | x | x | | Dead Sea Mud Mask Sky Organics | x | x | x | x | | | Boscia Green Tea Oil Control Mask | | x | | x | | | Rugged and Dapper Mineral Mask | | x | x | x | | | Clay Mask for Men 5Th Street | | x | | x | | | Men’s Science Cleansing Mask | x | x | x | x | x | | Insta-Natural Facial Rose Mask | | | | x | x | | Evanhealy Green Tea Mask | x | | | x | x | | Charcoal and Black Sugar Mask | x | | | x | x | | Body Shop Tea Tree Mask | x | | | | x | | Fine Vine Mud Mask | x | | | x | x | | Brickell Purifying Mask | x | | | x | x | That said, we’re going to be covering a lot of information in what follows. I encourage you to read this entire page so that you can make the wisest choice for your personal needs. After all, we’re talking about your mug. **In this article, you will learn:** - The unique nature of a man’s face - How men’s skin differs from women’s - Five different skin types in men - Designer vs. niche face masks - Why price doesn’t always correlate with quality - The basics of picking a good men’s face mask - How to apply a men’s face mask - The ideal number of times per week to use a product - Men’s facial mask tips - Seasonal considerations - Myths about masks and men As a matter of full disclosure, any mask that you see on this page is linked to Amazon; an organization that I am currently an affiliate with. Finally, at the end of this guide, I’ve also included a poll so that you can chime in on your personal motivations for using a mask. Don’t worry, your vote is completely anonymous. ![men and skin facial mask considerations](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/men-and-skin1-1.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) ## **Men’s Facial Skin** Here is what you need to know. The skin on a man’s face is thicker, oilier and more porous than a woman’s. It’s also suppler. While that may sound like a good thing, there are downsides – lots of them. First, guys are more likely to experience breakouts. Additionally, we tend to develop deeper, more pronounced wrinkles over the course of time than the ladies. Once you hit your late 20’s to early 30’s, the bodily process of [protein synthesis](https://www.reference.com/science/protein-synthesis-c331a1ff1707a94d) in males begins to slow down dramatically. As a result, your face gets zapped of a vital substance called collagen. You may be wondering what that term – collagen – means? Basically, collagen is a ten-dollar term used to describe the gelatin like substance the body pumps into your skin. It fills the dermal layer, making it look smooth and attractive. That’s why dudes in their 20’s have such tight faces. Their skin is loaded with collagen, which in turn makes them look wrinkle-free. According to the British Journal of Dermatology, as you keep growing older, the amount of collagen production in your body decreases (Shuster , Black, & McVitie, 1975). And because your skin is thicker, your wrinkles become more noticble. Obviously, genetic and environmental variables need to be factored into the dynamic. Some guys will naturally produce more collagen than others. But generally speaking, you can expect a decrease in collagen with each passing year. And while you can spend big bucks on dermal fillers, like Juvaderm and Voluma, your goal should be to encourage natural production collagen first before reaching for the needle. ![mens skin care type of skin and masks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mens-skin-types-1.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) ## **Men’s Skin Types** When you hear the term  “skin type” in relationship to men’s skin care products, understand this is a top level term that is used interchangigbly for facial masks, scrubs, creams and, lotions. Many of these products are labeled for use with specific types of skin. The most common ones are normal, dry and oily. While their categories may make sense intuitively, it’s best to read about each one so that you can make the best decision when choosing a product for your needs. 1\. Normal A person is considered to have normal skin when the following characteristics are present: - Very few imperfections - Not particularly sensitive - Pores that aren’t very visible - Generally radient skin tone 2\. Combination Type Some men have skin types that hold a combination of features. In these sitautions, you will typically see: - Dry or oily in some areas - Black heads - Noticeable shine - Scattered dry patches - Somewhat uneven skin tone 3\. Dry Skin Should you have a dry skin type, features are easier to detect because they are more pronounced. Common signs of dry skin include: - Red, patchy areas - Scaly - Roughness - Visible lines - Dull complexion - Nearly invisible pores 4\. Oily Skin A common skin typology is oily skin. Heredity, environmental factors and stress can all contribute to oily skin issues. As a result, some men have [stress pimples (see post](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/)). It’s characteristics are fairly noticeable and include: - Enlarged pores - Thick complexion - Pimples of different sizes - Blackheads, whiteheads and acne patches 5\. Sensitive Skin When you have sensitive skin, the dermal layer has several traits that stand out. These include: - Redness or red patches - Burning - Itching - General dryness ![mens face masks options](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mens-face-masks-1.jpg?resize=408%2C317&ssl=1) ## **Designer vs. Face Niche Masks** There are really only two types of men’s face masks. The first are designer masks. The second are niche masks. You may be wondering about the differences? - Designer masks: Just as the name implies, these are masks that are marketed in a way that promise a certain look or lifestyle. Think of brands like Clinique, Rugged and Dapper and Tom Ford. There’s nothing wrong with any of them however, because they carry a name-brand label, they usually cost more. You’ll pay anywhere from $15.00 to $150.00, depending upon the brand and number of liquid ounces.  [Fine Vine Mud Mask](https://amzn.to/2Ns0Z9s) is an example. - Niche masks: A niche mask is going to be a product that caters to a specific issue (skin type) and is marketed to address the problem head on. Prices can range from $10.00 to $100 (or more). Much depends upon the product type, ingredients used and number of liquid ounces. [Brickell’s purifying product](https://amzn.to/2uwCZuN) is an example. ![face mask men mistakes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-3.jpg?resize=587%2C368&ssl=1)Men and face masks Photo credit: Deposit photos ## **Men’s Face Mask Pricing Mistakes** Because men typically don’t talk with one another about buying personal care products, we often make the mistake of assuming that higher prices equal higher quality. Guys – I’m here to tell you that it’s simply not true! There are many excellent face masks on the market that that don’t cost a ton and do an effective job with detoxifying, smoothing and firming. An example can be found in Rugged and Dapper’s clay mask ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2sK4f9x)). I’m sharing this insight with you because many masks use the same materials in the ingredients. Just because a product has the label of a big brand on it doesn’t mean it’s great. Finally on this point, bear in mind that generally speaking, grooming products are not regulated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). This means some of the claims the masks make aren’t subject to the same scrutiny as prescription skin products. ## **How to Pick a Men’s Face Mask** Now that you’ve learned the essentials of skin types, it’s time to look at how to pick the best men’s face mask for your grooming needs. I’ll preface this area by stating that before you put on any product, you’ll want to wash your face first with a cleanser that is designed for men. See this post on [men’s facial cleansers](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/) to learn more. Here are some general guidelines to consider when choosing a product: - Determine your skin type. If you are unsure, talk to your dermatologist. - Ask yourself what you are hoping to achieve. For example: Fewer lines, smoother skin, oil reduction or anti-aging (or all four). - How often will you need to use the product? Daily, twice a week, more? ![25 best mens face masks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-graphic-5.jpg?resize=545%2C327&ssl=1)25 best face masks for men ## **25 Best Face Mask Options for Men** What follows are 25 best face mask options for men. I’ve broken down each of the previously listed skin types mentioned above. Under each type, I’ve made five suggestions using data analysis. FYI: Listings can change over the course of time. Generally speaking, the men’s face masks listed below have stood the test of time and delivered the results guys were looking for. I’ll give you a chart first that names the product and addresses the benefit of each mask. Under the table, you’ll find a narrative description of the product that offers more details. Links to Amazon that reveal pricing have also been included. Let’s get right to it! ## **NORMAL SKIN TYPE** [![mens face mask 1](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-1-.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sKEjdE) ## **1. The Gentlemen’s Facial Mask** This one is a great mask for men with normal skin. It targets the T-Zone to absorb oil \[nose to lower forehead\]while detoxifying. The charcoal leaves skin leaving smooth and soft. [Check Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2sKEjdE) [![mens face mask 2](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-22-graphic.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2rrxFoK) ## **2. Anthony Deep Pore Clay Mask** If you need something to clean your pores and also acts as an anti-aging masks by firming, consider the Deep Cleansing Pore Clay mask by Anthony Logistics. A little bit goes a long way so spread on thin. [Check Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2rrxFoK) [![mens mask 4 guys](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-3-graphic.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2tzbbCT) ## **3. Dead Sea Mud Mask** Great all around mud mask for normal skin types (and combo) that uses black mud that’s been harvested from the Dead Sea. This one will pull out debris from your skin, leaving your face smooth and clear. Couples as an anti-aging mask. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2tzbbCT) [![mens mask task essential](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-4-0.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2rr1B4p) ## **4. Task Essential Red Mask** I like this particular mask for men because its great for problem skin types that fall into the normal range. This guy hydrates, detoxifies and boosts skin collagen to help create a powerful anti-aging effect. [See Amazon for the price](http://amzn.to/2rr1B4p) [![mens face sheets mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-mask-4-0-2.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2teuPVw) ## **5. Facial Mask Sheets for Men** If you need something that helps with oil production, rejuvenates skin and helps to promote a youthful glow, you might want to consider this facial sheet mask that’s specifically designed for men. Made by MLMSY. [See Amazon’s current price](http://amzn.to/2teuPVw) ## **COMBINATION SKIN TYPE** [![facial masks for men 6](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-6.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sM0ekK) ## **6. Mr. Smith Clay Face Mask** If you have a combination skin type and find that your face has a mix of dryness, oiliness and patches, a good product to consider is Mr. Smith’s Clay Face Mask. It’s good because the mask pulls out impurities while offering a smoothing and evening effect. [See Amazon listing for price](http://amzn.to/2sM0ekK) [![pure biology face mask men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-mask-7.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sfwxrh) ## **7. Pure Biology Clay Mask** Do you need something to treat combination skin that also addresses dark spots (see [dark spot on face removal](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) post)? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. This is a common issue among men. An effective product to look at is Pure Biology’s Clay Mask. Reduces pores and removes blackheads. Great anti-aging qualities. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2sfwxrh) [![anti-aging skin mask men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-8-o.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2tBUjM5) ## **8. Purifying Clay Mask** If you prefer natural products that don’t contain harsh chemicals, a great choice for combo skin type is Geneva Naturals Purifying Skin Clay Mask. This guy extracts debris from the pores and tightens. Contains natural ingredients like cranberry and Bentonite. Awesome anti-aging product for your medicine cabinet. [See Amazon’s current offering](http://amzn.to/2tBUjM5) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-9-o.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sfcNUu) ## **9. Barber Pro Face Putty Mask** Need something that evens skin tone, pulls out toxic debris and tightens? Consider the Barber Pro Face Putty Mask. It comes in an invididual packet and free of parabens. Great pick for travel or road trips where you won’t be gone long. [Check pricing with Amazon](http://amzn.to/2sfcNUu) [![mens drying mask aria star](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-mask-10-o.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sM5uou) ## **10. Aria Starr Natural Dead Sea Mud Mask** I have to say this is one of my favorites and one that I try to use at least once a week. The mask yanks out impurities, tightens and also firms. Amazing anti-aging skin product. Made from natural elements. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2sM5uou) ## **DRY SKIN TYPE** [![mens green tea mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-11-g.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2tNHBtK) ## **11. Green Tea Matcha Mud Mask** The nice thing about this mask is that it not only delivers powerful moisture to the dermal layer, it also acts as a great anti-aging product. Reducess redness, blemishes and dryness. Pulls out blackheads and helps to reduce acne. [See Amazon’s pricing](http://amzn.to/2tNHBtK) [![24 k gold mask for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-mask-12-o.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2rCpaYf) ## **12. 24K Gold Facial Mask** If you need a product that moisturizes, tightens, cleans and firms, First Botany offers an amazing mask with this 24K Gold mud. Many men who have used it have shared with me that the mask helps give them a more youthful look. Great for use in winter or cold weather climates. [See price listing on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2rCpaYf) [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-13-0.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2rUNUKo) ## **13. Shea Hydrating Mud Mask** If you need something that offers serious hydration to dry skin, consider the Shea hydrating mud mask. It goes on somewhat thick, which is to be expected. Use once a week. All natural, making it a real plus! [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2rUNUKo) [![alaska mud mask mens faces](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-Copy-of-Copy-of-mask-14-1.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2tNEVvW) ## **14. Alaskan Glacial Face Mud** Super product that delivers moisture, tightening, firming and cleaning. Certified organic. Helps to promotion collagen production. Mineral mud taken directly from Alaska’s River Delta. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2tNEVvW) [![firming mask men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-15-0.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sTntty) ## **15. Mizon Vital Up Mask** This is a mask that delivers the product directly to the skin via osmosis. Very effective in helping men with dry skin. One of the only products that actually contains collagen. A very effective sheet mask. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2sTntty) ## **OILY SKIN TYPE** [![good skin for oily skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-16-0.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sQ5d3H) ## **16. Dead Sea Mud Mask Sky Organics** Men who have oily skin can benefit from an organic mask that reduces oil, forces out blackheads and minimizes pores. An excellent choice if you have oily type skin. Packed with natural vitamins and minerals. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2sQ5d3H) [![great oily skin masks for guys](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-17-g.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2tNNwPr) ## **17. Boscia Green Tea Oil Control Mask** I’ve used this mask and am here to tell you it absolutely helps to control oily skin. Like many of the company’s products, this one is a peel off type. Helps to also pulls out blackheads and whiteheads. Type of mask you would want to use once or twice a week. [See Amazon’s pricing](http://amzn.to/2tNNwPr) [![rugged and dapper mens mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-mask-18-g.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sVy3Qk) ## **18. Rugged and Dapper Mineral Mask** Super product for men who have oily skin and/or struggle with acne. Goes on smooth and leaves your skin feeling supple. I like this one because you don’t feel greasy afterwards. Good choice for anti-aging, too! [See Amazon’s pricing](http://amzn.to/2sVy3Qk) [![good clay mask for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-Copy-of-mask-19-g.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2rCWeza) ## **19. Clay Mask for Men 5Th Street** This is a terrific all around mask for removing oil, minimizing pores and reducing lines that make you look older. Gentle on the face and doesn’t leave your skin red like so many other products. Helps with acne, too. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2rCWeza) [![clearing mask for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-Copy-of-Copy-of-mask-20.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sVGISZ) ## **20. Men’s Science Cleansing Mask** Great all around mask for oily skin. Helps to remove impurities, suck up oil and leave skin with a brighter tone. Helpful with preventing acne and good as an anti-aging product for your face. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2sVGISZ) ## **SENSITIVE SKIN TYPE** [![rose face mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-Copy-of-Copy-of-Copy-of-mask-21.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sTOEnY) ## **21. Insta-Natural Facial Rose Mask** If you have sensitive skin and don’t want a bunch of harsh chemicals on your face, this is a good choice. Brightens, moisturizes and firms. A great anti-aging choice that can be used once or twice a week. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2sTOEnY) [![evanhealy gree tea mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-22.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sTGpZe) ## **22. Evanhealy Green Tea Mask** Looking for something that exfoliates, firms and tightens? Need something that also delivers moisture. This green tea masks does all of this and more. Cleans pores and absorbs oil from dermal layer. Leaves skin feeling soft and fresh. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2sTGpZe) [![anti-aging masks for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/mask-23.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2sVuqtL) ## **23. Via Mega Mud** Uses green tea and hyaluronic acid to clean and treat wrinkles. Helps to minimize the appearance of pores and contributes to a more youthful look. Powerful peptides help to stimulate dermal layer for collagen growth. Good for sensitive skin types. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2sVuqtL) [![charcoal black sugar mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/MASK-24.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2tNzJIn) ## **24. Charcoal and Black Sugar Mask** I personally use this product and love it. Made by Freeman, it instantly detoxifies and exfoliates. Helps to remove dead skin cells, revealing a brighter, more youthful face. Sucks out excess oil very effectively. I’m always amazed at how this one leaves my face feeling soft. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2tNzJIn) ![good green tea masks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Copy-of-MASK-25.jpg?resize=560%2C96&ssl=1) ## **25. Body Shop Tea Tree Mask** Good for sensitive skin. Removes oil and debris from pores. Non-drying mud that can be used 2-3 times a week. Helps to reveal matted skin and get rid of shine. Made with tree oil which is known for its purifying abilities. Good all around mask for men. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2rCoX7u) ![mens facial mask](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/best-mens-facial-cream-mask.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)Applying a mask ## **How to apply men’s face masks** All face masks come with specific directions for application. Make sure you read the label with care. What I’ll say here is that because men tend to be in a rush when using grooming products, we don’t always allow enough time for the product to work. Bottom line: If it says leave on for 15-minutes, do what it says. Some masks contain special ingredients that require you to remain still while the product’s anti-aging attributes absorb through the dermal layer. ## **How often should men apply a face mask?** The best approach is to follow the directions listed on the back of the product’s box or label. Some masks suggest you use only once or twice a week. Others can be used more frequently. If you have oily skin, it’s very possible that a scrubbing mask needs to be used daily. Should your skin type be combo, a mask may only need to be used once a week. ## **What about washing mask off face?** Because some masks are actually cleansers, you can simply rinse the product off with warm water. That said, the mud masks will require a bit more effort – and some help, to fully remove from skin. Never use soap to remove the product from your face. If you do, you run the risk of drying out the dermal layer and stripping it of collagen. Your best bet is to use an all around safe, gentle skin cleanser. An excellent one to consider is from Cetaphil. It’s recommended by dermatologists and does a great job at cleansing and hydrating. [See Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2sAIK8h). ## **Should I use moisturize after?** The answer to that question will depend upon the type of mask you used. Some require no moisturizers. Others will. Check the label to see what’s recommended. When I use a mask for removing oil and firming, I go for a moisturizer that helps to reduce redness and calms. There’s lots of these on the market. If you are looking for a comprehensive  guide, checkout this post on the [best men’s face moisturizer options](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/). ## Facial Mask for Men By Season Best type of mask to wear according to season | Fall | Winter | Spring | Summer | Year Round | |---|---|---|---|---| | Hydrating | Hydrating | Drying (clay) | Drying (Clay | Combo type | If you live in a climate that experiences the four seasons, it makes sense to own several different types of masks. For example, you probably won’t apply a hydrating mask during the height of summer. In winter, you’ll want to use something that delivers moisture as opposed to something drying. Some guys buy two or three different masks and use them during different seasons. If you aren’t sure what’s best to use, consider a combination product that can be used during anytime. Because your skin is unique to your person, figuring out what to use seasonally is a process of trial and error. This is why I encourage guys to get to know their skin well. ![myths about face masks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/therapist-for-men-guy-counseling-life-coaching-chicago.jpg?resize=585%2C329&ssl=1)Myths about men who wear face masks ## **Men’s face mask myths** One of the things that sucks about guys who use grooming products are the associated myths. Actually, they are nothing more than stereotypes. While I can’t list them all, I’ve tried to focus on the biggies. Now remember, these are just myths. - If men use masks, it says something about their sexual orientation. - Real men don’t use facial masks. - You can’t be rugged and use a mask. - Using masks will make your skin look like a girls. - Only white men need masks. - Only black men need masks. - Younger looking skin isn’t possible with a mask. - Male celebrities don’t use masks. - Sheet masks for men aren’t effective. - Men who use masks aren’t really men. ## **Wrap Up** As a man, you should absolutely take pride in focusing on your appearance. One of the most manliest things you can do is exercise your self-confidence by investing in how you look. If you have time, be sure to check out my page on [how to look more handsome for men](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). Hopefully, the information and tips suggested here were helpful to you. Please be sure to share with other guys who may need guidance on this topic. Oh, here’s men’s face mask I talked about at the start of this post! \[poll id=”8″\] Thanks for stopping by! **Related Men’s Topics:** [Best body wash picks for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) [Best leather wallets for men](https://guycounseling.com/leather-wallet-choices-men/) **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** dry skin, face mask, Facial Care, facial mask, men's skin, Oily Skin, Skin Care --- ### [7 Ways to Save Money While Shopping Online](https://guycounseling.com/save-money-online-shopping/) **Published:** September 7, 2022 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/money.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Save money shopping Are you an impulse buyer who can’t resist a timely sale? Or maybe you’re just looking for ways to get more of the things you want without blowing your budget. Here are some hacks you can use to save money while you’re shopping online. ## 1. Sign up for newsletters and notifications When you visit a retail website while you’re shopping online, the first thing that usually pops up is an invitation to join that retailer’s email newsletter. It’s a way for them to keep you updated on new products and services while building a fanbase of loyal customers. It’s extremely important for retailers; they’re usually willing to shell out a chunky discount if you sign up. So, go ahead and drop your email address, and you’ll likely be rewarded with an attractive discount on your next purchase. ## 2. Fill your cart and wait Here’s where a little patience goes a long way. If you’re shopping online, try to resist the urge to buy the items in your shopping cart immediately. Just fill your cart and then log off or close the browser. If you’ve signed up with your email address, the retailer will likely send you a message reminding you to complete the transaction. They’ll also throw in a discount just to get your sale. It’s just like walking through a crowded street market and pretending that you’re not interested. The seller will likely throw in something nice to close the deal. **Related:** [Are Costco caskets bought online for real?](https://guycounseling.com/costco-coffin-review/) ## 3. Refer a friend Online shopping retailers appreciate customer loyalty. According to market research from Bazaarvoice.com, 53% of online shoppers prefer user-generated content from friends on social media to professional marketing ads. Online retailers know that you are their best advertisement source, and they’ll bend over backward to make you a brand advocate. Most of their sales will come from repeat shoppers, and current research shows that buyer/user recommendations are powerful marketing tools. So, be on the lookout for special deals and discounts when you leave a review or refer a friend to that retailer’s site. ## 4. Buy during the sale period Here’s another reason to sign up for that pesky newsletter from your favorite retailer. Online shopping portals use their newsletters to notify you of seasonal sales, product launches, and other special buying periods. Often, their prices are drastically reduced for these sale periods. You could save money when shopping online when you shop during the sale period. Just try to resist the temptation to buy more, even though retailers are counting on you to do just that. ## 5. Seek out competitors The e-commerce space is flooded with competition, and that’s a good thing for you, the consumer. That means retailers need to work harder for your sale. With more competition, e-commerce retailers need to provide additional incentives to attract buyers. It’s no longer good enough to offer a great product or service since so many companies do the same thing. This can sometimes translate to more money in your pocket. So shop around with keywords online to find the best deals on products and services you like. ## 6. Look for shipping and handling discounts It might not seem like much, but you can save money when shopping online just by getting discounted or free shipping and handling. You’ve probably already felt the burn of selecting a product or service for a sweet price only to be spoiled by the hefty shipping and handling costs. Depending on the e-commerce site and its distribution location, you could pay a substantial percentage here. It helps to shop locally or look for online retailers who offer shipping and handling discounts. It could save you lots of money over time. ## 7. Avoid impulse buys One of the best ways to save money when shopping online is to exercise some good old-fashioned self-control. Retailers are counting on you to [make impulse buys](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/consumer-behavior/201303/five-reasons-we-impulse-buy) when shopping online. Impulse buys are last-minute clicks on catchy pop-ups like when you’re stuck in the checkout line at a supermarket and can’t resist the candy at the register. These are likely items you really don’t need or want. It’s hard to resist when social media is flooding your timeline with popups and sale ads and is virtually reading your mind. It helps to know what you’re in the market for and shop specifically for that thing. Everything else is background noise. ## Wrapping Up As you can see, the shopper has unique leverage in the e-commerce space. You can save money when you shop online just by using some of these helpful tips. Sign up for newsletters and notifications. You’ll get discounts just for joining, and you’ll be notified when special sales are on the horizon. Everybody has the power of influence in the new e-commerce market, and you can reap benefits by referring your friends to your favorite shopping portals. Finally, exercise some willpower and hold off on buying. Fill your shopping cart and wait until retailers offer discounts for completing the sale. Now, go forth and enjoy your online shopping experience. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Impulsive, Money, Shopping --- ### [Men’s Skin Care Routine Made Simple](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) **Published:** September 6, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mens skin care routine made simple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/mens-skin-care-routine.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Practical men’s skin care routine hacks](#Practical_mens_skin_care_routine_hacks) - [Quick Skin Care Routine Story](#Quick_Skin_Care_Routine_Story) - [In this article, you will learn:](#In_this_article_you_will_learn) - [Men’s Skin](#Mens_Skin) - [Men’s Skin Types](#Mens_Skin_Types) - [1) Normal skin](#1_Normal_skin) - [2) Combo skin](#2_Combo_skin) - [3) Oily skin](#3_Oily_skin) - [4) Dry skin](#4_Dry_skin) - [5) Sensitive skin](#5_Sensitive_skin) - [Morning Skin Care Routine](#Morning_Skin_Care_Routine) - [1) Cleanse your skin](#1_Cleanse_your_skin) - [2) Body Cleansing](#2_Body_Cleansing) - [3) Moisturize (Face, Neck, and Eyes)](#3_Moisturize_Face_Neck_and_Eyes) - [Moisturize Body](#Moisturize_Body) - [Evening Skin Care Routine](#Evening_Skin_Care_Routine) - [Other Men’s Skin Care Tips](#Other_Mens_Skin_Care_Tips) - - [1) Don’t smoke](#1_Dont_smoke) - [2) Drink lots of water](#2_Drink_lots_of_water) - [3 Make sleep a priority](#3_Make_sleep_a_priority) - [4) Use an eye mask](#4_Use_an_eye_mask) - [5) Exercise regularly](#5_Exercise_regularly) - [6) Use a sunscreen during the day](#6_Use_a_sunscreen_during_the_day) - [7) Use a hand cream](#7_Use_a_hand_cream) - [Men’s Skin Routine Myths](#Mens_Skin_Routine_Myths) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## Practical men’s skin care routine hacks Do you need an easy to follow **men’s skin care routine?** Trying to look your best but not sure where to begin? Finding information on the web mostly useless? If you can relate to any of the above, you’ve come to the right place. As a guy, I completely understand the importance of personal appearance. In so many ways, the way we look is directly linked to our self-esteem. The problem for men is that we aren’t all that great at asking for advice on this topic. Let’s face it – it’s not like you are going to go up to one of your buddies and say, “Hey, do you have any [beauty secrets](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/) for dudes?” But here’s the deal – the fact that you are here tells me you can about your appearance and want to learn about a routine that works. Trust me when I say you aren’t alone. The topic of men’s personal care needs (aka grooming) comes up a lot with the men I work with. Here’s how the issue usually pops up during private conversations: *“My girlfriend poked fun at me because of a few wrinkles on my face. I blew it off  because I didn’t think it was  a big deal. But when I looking the mirror, I can see what she means. Any guy tips for this?* I’ll tell you how I typically respond. First, it’s always a good idea to consult a dermatologist if you are concerned about a specific skin issue. For example, a black spot or recurring redness. Barring anything like that, the way to look younger, healthier, and more attractive is to develop a **realistic** routine in a way that fits your lifestyle. When ritualized correctly, a good routine can minimize fine lines and wrinkles while [making you look more handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). But if you skip the basics, the opposite happens – meaning you can end up appearing old and haggard. I know that last part may sound harsh but I am just keeping it real. As I write this article now, I’m reminded of a personal story on this topic. ![Skin care routine tips for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/lumbersexual-main-photo.jpg?resize=587%2C368&ssl=1) ## Quick Skin Care Routine Story Years ago, when I was in my early 20’s, I didn’t take care of my face the way I should have. Plagued with oily skin, I suffered from mild acne and large pores. By the time my 30’s rolled around, I was in serious need of advice. That’s when I went to a dermatologist and learned the basics of creating a good skincare routine. For example, I didn’t know back then that I needed to cleanse twice a day with a non-soap product. I also wasn’t aware that using a quality facial scrub was key to getting out debris. Finally, nobody told me that men should use a facial mask weekly for anti-aging purposes \[[see this post on best men’s face masks](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/)\]. Once I learned the fundamentals and employed them daily, I began to notice major improvements. Here’s what happened, straight up: - The dullness of my skin tone went away - The acne started to fade - My pores shrank - The lines on my face were less pronounced It didn’t happen overnight. As with most things in life, change is takes time. That said, once I made my skincare routine a ritual, the process became automatic. And the best part? Other people started to notice. No – they didn’t come up to me and say, “Wow, you have great skin!” Instead, what I heard was, “You look different. Younger. What’s going on?” As a matter of full disclosure, I need to say that I’ve also had [Botox injections](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/). And while I think it’s a great option for dealing with wrinkles, it needs to be thought of as part of an overall, comprehensive approach to anti-aging. All of this is a very long way to say that I understand why this topic is important. ## In this article, you will learn: - A quick primer on men’s skin - The importance of knowing your skin type - How to establish a morning ritual - How to create an evening routine - Product suggestions based on your needs - Additional skin care tips for men - Myths related to men and skin ![men's skin care routines made simple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1)Know your skin type ## Men’s Skin A lot of guys think they can use their girlfriend’s personal care products, believing that: “Skin is skin – it doesn’t matter.” I hate to break it to you but that’s simply not true. While we may share similarities at the bio-dermal level, men generally have thicker, oiler, and more porous skin than our female counterparts. Translation: Guys are more susceptible to developing acne. We also have larger pores and more pronounced lines. Much of this is a function of human physiology. Once you get into your 30’s, the bodily process of protein synthesis begins to slow down (Zivkovic, 2011). In turn, this causes the production of collagen to decrease. FYI: Collagen is a gel-like substance that gives your skin a plump, elastic look. The older you get, the less your body makes. That’s why guys in their early 20’s are usually wrinkle-free and why men in their 30’s and up have lines. If you want to know more about this topic, I encourage you to read this [extensive post on men’s moisturizer options](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/). You’ll find lots of insight there with tips. The bottom line is this – don’t reach for your girlfriend’s stuff. Instead, start using products designed for men. ![men skin types and moisturizers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mens-skin-types-12.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1)Skin care routines and skin types ## Men’s Skin Types Before starting any routine, it’s really important to know your skin type. I’ve tried to keep things simple here by highlighting the five different types below. Which is yours? ### **1) Normal skin** Guys who fall into the normal skin type category usually have the following characteristics: - Few imperfections - Not usually sensitive - Pores not visible to naked eye - Radiant, even tone ### **2) Combo skin** Men who have combination type skin characteristically will have: - Blackheads/whiteheads - Dry and oily areas - A noticeable shine on cheeks, forehead or nose - Patches of dry skin - A semi-uneven skin tone ### **3) Oily skin** This is a very common skin type. Heredity, environmental factors, and stress can all affect oily skin problems. Some guys get acne because of this. ([See stress acne post to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/)). Signs you have oily skin include: - Whiteheads - Blackheads - Dry patches - A noticeable shine on nose, forehead, cheeks - Pimples ### **4) Dry skin** Guys who have dry skin can usually tell there is a problem because the signs are obvious. Examples: - Patchy, red areas - Cracked, rough skin - Visible lines - Dull complexion - Nearly invisible pores ### **5) Sensitive skin** Guys who have sensitive skin typically notice the following: - Redness - Blotches - Sensitive to touch - Dryness - Itchiness - Bumps Before closing up this section, I just want to say that if you are unsure of your skin type, you can consult your dermatologist. If you don’t want to do that – you can always choose products designed for all skin types. As I walk you through the routines, I’ll make several product suggestions a long the way. All can be ordered through Amazon. OK, let’s dive deep. ![morning men's skin care routine](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/therapist-for-men-guy-counseling-life-coaching-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Morning routine ## Morning Skin Care Routine If you are like most guys, you probably wake up in the morning and begin a mad dash for work. What I am suggesting below is mindful of that reality and requires minimal time investment. ## **1) Cleanse your skin** Facial cleansing If you are not already taking a shower in the morning, you might want to start. That’s because warm water radiating over your face helps open pores while encouraging sub-dermal circulation. While showering, use a facial cleanser designed to purge impurities. I like Jack Black’s Deep Glycolic Cleanser because it works well ([See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2CCY3CI)). It’s also good for all skin types. Using a gentle, circular motion, apply a dime-sized amount of the product you have chosen to your face. Do this for 30 to 45 seconds and make sure you get your forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, and neck. Once you are done, thoroughly rinse the cleanser from your face by letting the showerhead do the work for you. Oh, I almost forgot: **Never use bar soap on your face**. I mention this because regular bar soap contains too many harsh chemicals that will strip your face of important nutrients.  They also zap moisture from your skin. ## **2) Body Cleansing** While in the shower, you’ll obviously want to take care of the rest of your body. Here again, I don’t recommend bar soap. Instead, reach for a gentle cleanser. One of the best on the market is CeraVe’s body wash for normal to dry skin. It’s dermatologist tested and recommended. It’s  free of soap, sulfates, and parabens. It also contains hyaluronic acid, which helps your skin keep its moisture. You can get this product at many drugstores or [online at Amazon](http://amzn.to/2qdoXhQ). Simply apply, wash-up and rinse off. Drying off After showering, you’ll want to be mindful of how you dry your face and body. This may seem silly but hear me out. If you do like most guys, you rub a towel on your skin to get the water off. The problem is rubbing irritates the dermal layer. In turn, this can cause skin damage. Instead, it’s far better to take a clean towel and gently pat-dry your face and body. This includes your hair. Doing so will help preserve your skin’s natural elasticity. ## **3) Moisturize (Face, Neck, and Eyes)** This step in your routine need not be complicated. I’ll break it all down in a moment. But first, I’ve got a super easy hack for you that simplifies what follows. It’s simple: Consider using a facial care kit designed for men. In this way, you have everything you need in one central place. Personally, I really like the Tiege Hanley Skin Care System ([visit Tiege](http://bit.ly/2QJv4GG)). Here’s why. The kit is guy friendly and takes the guesswork out of the process. Here’s what it comes with: - Facial wash - AM moisturizer (contains SPF 20 sunscreen) - Facial skin serum (for anti-aging) - Facial scrub - PM moisturizer - Eye cream The best part is that the products are designed for all skin types. And because the containers don’t take up a lot of space, you can line them up in your bathroom for quick access. Regardless if you choose to use this kit or not, I’m going to walk you through a morning routine that provides results. Step 1: Moisturize Face - Make sure you are using a product that contains a sunscreen with a minimum of SPF 20. - Take a dime sized amount of the cream and apply to your palm. - Dab your fingertips onto the cream and apply the lotion to your face using gentle, upward motions. - Make sure you hit your forehead, cheeks, neck, and ears. - Always lift your skin and avoid pulling it down. Step 2: Moisturize Eyes - It is best to use lotion specifically designed to treat and prevent wrinkles around the eyes, particularly if you suffer from dark circles and bags. - Dot a tiny amount of cream under each eye. Gently spread the cream making sure you get the corners and above the eyelid. - Use a tissue to mop up any excess. ## Moisturize Body This part of your morning routine is fairly easy. The biggest thing is to use a product designed for men’s skin. When you apply, make sure you hit the areas that are prone to problems. - Elbows - Ankles - Knees - Shoulders - Lower legs - Hands There are tons of moisturizers on the market to choose from. One product that works extremely well is Cetaphil Hydrating Body Lotion. Tested by dermatologists, it’s great for problematic skin types. Absorbs well and without that greasy feeling so many lotions have. [See Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/3TP3yFy). ![mens skin care routine night](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Cancer-Men-Moon.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Evening routine ## Evening Skin Care Routine Your evening routine will not differ too much from the morning. That said, there will be several slight variations. Do this before bed. 1\) Using your sink, splash your face with warm water. 2\) Apply facial cleanser. Rinse off when done. 3\) Use an evening facial lotion (no SPF needed). 4\) Apply eye cream. **Twice a week at night** There are three additional things you’ll want to do at least twice a week to get the maximum benefit of your routine. 1\) Use a facial scrub designed for men. 2\) Start applying a men’s face mask. 3\) Begin using retinol cream. Let me explain why these activities are important. The facial scrub is designed to remove debris, like dead skin cells, that accumulates throughout the week. This form of exfoliation helps to rid your face of that dull look while helping you look more refreshed. The face mask helps tighten your skin and close pores. Depending on the mask, they also help control oil. If you want more information on this topic, see this [men’s face mask post](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/). Finally, the retinol cream offers a powerful, natural way to rejuvenate your skin and infuse anti-oxidants. The cream also helps to fade brown spots and encourage collagen growth. See this post on [getting rid of dark spots](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) to learn more. ![exercise and skin care](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/muscular-strength.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Exercise helps your skin ## Other Men’s Skin Care Tips In addition to the tips shared above, there are other things you can do to help your skin look attractive and healthy. I’m mentioning the biggies below as a way of information sharing. #### **1) Don’t smoke** Cigarettes literally rob your skin of nutrients. Moreover, there’s tons of research to demonstrate smokers are prone to premature aging. Need more proof? A recent study found an overwhelming majority of people think smokers are physically unattractive. #### **2) Drink lots of water** For your skin to look its best, it needs to be regularly hydrated. This means you need to be taking in about 15 cups of water per day or 3.7 liters. #### **3 Make sleep a priority** You probably knew this one already but it is worth reinforcing. Try to get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Doing so helps you look rested and refreshed. If you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, talk to your healthcare professional. #### **4) Use an eye mask** If you suffer from puffiness around the eyes or struggle with bags, using an eye mask will go along way in helping to treat this problem. See this [“how to treat baggy eyes”](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) post to learn more. #### **5) Exercise regularly** This final tip is one you probably know but I’m mentioning anyway. Regular exercise, like strength training and cardio, helps to circulate nutrient rich blood to your skin. It also encourages collagen production (Reynolds, 2014). Lastly, exercise is a great stress-buster; something you want to minimize as much as possible. #### **6) Use a sunscreen during the day** The sun emits harmful rays that can do serious damage to your skin. By using a sunscreen with a minimum of SPF20, you help to protect your skin from potential damage, including cancer. #### **7) Use a hand cream** One of the first parts of your body that will show the visible signs of aging are your hands. By using a high-quality hand lotion, you help lock in moisture while helping them to look youthful. An excellent one to consider is Working Hands by O’Keeffe’s. Avilable in some stores. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2CSkWlO). ![scorpio and cancer match](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio-and-cancer-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men’s Skin Routine Myths There are a lot of myths pertaining to skin care and guys that I am quickly going to walkthrough below. My hope is to dispel the misinformation while pushing back against stereotypes. - It doesn’t matter what kind of lotion you use because they are all the same. - Men don’t need to use creams their skin is already moist. - If you shave, you don’t need a scrub to exfoliate. - There’s nothing that can be done for baggy eyes. \[poll id=”6″\] ## Bringing It All Together When it comes to creating a good skincare routine, it’s essential to think of what you are doing as both process and ritual. Once you establish your regime, you may find you’ll need to tweak it a long the way. This is normal. What’s important is that you implement something that works for you. If you are looking for more suggestions on skin care, check out this extensive page that offers [101 grooming tips for men!](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/) I hope you found this post useful. Hopefully, the information shared here will help you look you look your best. Thanks for stopping by. **References:** Reynolds, G. (2014, April 16). Younger skin through exercise. Retrieved from New York Times: https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/04/16/younger-skin-through-exercise/ Zivkovic, B. (2011, August 20). BIO101 – Protein Synthesis: Transcription and Translation. Retrieved from Scientific American: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/a-blog-around-the-clock/bio101-protein-synthesis-transcription-and-translation/ **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Facial Care, Lotions, Masks, Skin Care, Skin Care Routine --- ### [What To Do When You Want Sex More Than Your Girlfriend](https://guycounseling.com/want-sex-girlfriend/) **Published:** September 6, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![want more sex than girlfriend young couple in love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man-woman-intimacy-kissing.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "want more sex than girlfriend") ## Sexual desire isn’t the same for everyone Do you find yourself wanting more sex than your girlfriend? Does this leave you feeling rejected and confused? Wondering what to do about it? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. In my work as a counselor, I’ve seen this dynamic play out dozens of times. If left unchecked, it can cause some men to jump to conclusions and sometimes sabotage an otherwise healthy relationship. Here’s the truth: Some guys like getting it on several times a day. Other men are more of the once a week type. The same holds true for women. Believe it or not, there’s a clinical name for this dynamic [sexual desire disparity](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-sociability/201102/sexual-desire-disparity-when-one-wants-the-other-doesnt) (Alman, 2011). Regardless of your situation, it’s critical to realize most couples operate at different speeds. If you are in a relationship with a woman where you want to knock boots more than she does, here are seven tips to think about. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/relationships.jpg?resize=593%2C309&ssl=1) ## 1. It may not be about you Comparing your level of desire to that of your girlfriend can lead to problems. This is especially true if you aren’t considering certain issues. Here are some things to ask yourself: - Is she on any new medications? - Does she take something for depression? - Did she recently experience a loss? - Does she drink a lot or use substances? - Are the both of you working different hours? - Does she have a different [circadian rhythm](https://www.sciencedaily.com/terms/circadian_rhythm.htm) than you? For these reasons (and many more), there could be mitigating factors contributing to her lower sex drive. Assuming you two are close, why not chat about it? ## 2. Discuss needs One very real reason her sex drive may seem lower than yours could be emotional. In other words, women tend to need an emotional connection as part of sexy time. Consider the following questions: - Do you know what her emotional needs are? - Are you aware of her sexual needs? - Does she know what turns you on? - When you are intimate, does she gravitate towards physical contact or emotional bonding? If you aren’t sure of the answers to these questions, take it as a signal that it’s time to chat. What if she doesn’t understand how to please you and is embarrassed to ask? Conversely, what if you aren’t doing what she likes and feels uncomfortable bringing it up? I admit these types of conversations aren’t always the easiest to have. ## 3. Kissing and Touching Needed As males, we are wired to be more physical. This goes back to our primal beginnings when we first walked the earth. Let’s be real guys – our automatic default is to go right at it like rabbits. **More:** [How most guys handle breakups](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) While there’s nothing wrong with this, sometimes intimacy can take a backseat. As a way of self-checking yourself, reflect upon the following question: **When is the last time you both kissed?** Not a quick peck on the cheek. Not a forehead kiss. Instead, I’m talking about the kind of kiss that goes right through to your core. If you can’t remember the last time this happened, consider it a prompt from the universe to return to the basics. In other words, it’s time to reestablish awareness around each other’s bodies. There are several ways to accomplish this. Examples include soft touching, holding, and spooning. You’ll know things are back on track when you can intuit **deep inside** she’s into you. ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/kiss.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 4. What’s your definition of sex? What’s your definition of sex? How about your girlfriend? Silly as this may sound, not everyone shares the same thoughts. Here’s what I’m aware of – sex, even when it’s animalistic, is mostly a function of mental perception. Moreover, it involves way more than genital stimulation. Consider these starter questions: Do you consider oral a form of sex? How about fondling? How might her definitions differ than yours? ## 5. Initiating Is the dynamic such in your relationship that you wait until she initiates? When she doesn’t, do you just sit there like a bump on a log and do nothing? If so, you aren’t alone. In many relationships, it’s the female green lights the time for intimacy. Here’s the problem. As time goes on, things become predictable. In turn, this can lead to massive boredom. **That’s why you need to initiate**. If you she is not respondent, which may happen, look it as an opportunity for dialogue. In other words, talk about what’s happening. Now I’m going to let you in on something I’ve been told by women during one on one counseling sessions. **Girls like it when guys initiate, particularly if it’s not the norm in the relationship**. It can be a huge turn on. Moreover, it helps to make the predictable unpredictable. Make sense? ## 6. Self-pleasure If the gal you are with isn’t in the mood and you are, consider self-pleasure. Yes, you read that right. I’m talking about the taboo topic of masturbation. I know this may seem uncomfortable but you may discover it to be helpful. I know some men who make out with their girlfriends while they engage in this activity. Obviously, both parties need to agree. Moreover, the goal shouldn’t be to manipulate her into doing more. Instead, it’s about creating intimacy in a way that gets needs met. ## 7. Consider couples counseling If the both of you have arrived at a place where sex isn’t happening at all, it could be a time to think about couples counseling. I’m here to tell you that – at some point, all relationships go through dry spells. The longer the two of you are together, the more likely this will happen. I’ve even seen some relationships where sexy time doesn’t happen at all – ever. Instead of casting blame and making assumptions, it just makes sense to work with an experienced professional. Doing so can help you both to better understand the unique dynamics of your relationship. **More:** [Are you in the wrong relationship?](https://guycounseling.com/7-signs-youre-wrong-relationship/) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0802412726&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0802412726/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0802412726&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=86fd323654a29331eaa8c0b5f04a0fc6)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0802412726) ## Wrap Up One resource I’d like to suggest is the book called: The Five Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great by Chapman ([See price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2yFDohU)). What I like about this read is the way the author speaks to men using guy friendly language. It’s caulked full of practical advice that is designed to help you create a closer relational bond. Remember, not everyone operates at the same speed in the bedroom. Communication is key – and so is patience. **References:** Alman, I. (2011, February 11). *Sexual desire desparity*. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-sociability/201102/sexual-desire-disparity-when-one-wants-the-other-doesnt **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** intimacy, Love, Relationships, Sexuality --- ### [What Dreaming About Dead People Means](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/) **Published:** September 5, 2022 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![what do dreams about dead people mean](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/dead-people-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Did you dream about a dead person? Table of Contents Toggle - [Dreams about dead people](#Dreams_about_dead_people) - [Psychological meaning of dreams](#Psychological_meaning_of_dreams) - [Mystical meaning of dreams](#Mystical_meaning_of_dreams) - [Are dead people speaking to you in dreams?](#Are_dead_people_speaking_to_you_in_dreams) ## **Dreams about dead people** Are you **dreaming about dead people**? Trying to understand what these dreams are all about? Curious if you are receiving messages from the deceased. If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. One of the most commonly reported types of dreams involves the dead. In fact, it is so prevalent that we created a page that’s all about the [meaning of death in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/). My hope in penning this piece is to help you better understand why the deceased are showing up when you sleep. Hopefully, what follows will cast a light on a topic that is often not discussed and seriously misunderstood. I’ve been studying dreams for many years in my work as a shaman. One thing is for certain, there are more theories about what dreams mean than I can shake a stick at. Here’s the thing: When you take a step back and examine all of the theories in their totality, dream interpretation basically falls into two categories. **1. Psychological** **2. Mystical** In this post, I’ll walk you through a little bit of thinking about both. Because material from dreams is often abstract, there’s really no way of knowing for certain *what* they mean. That’s why it’s important to collect as much information as possible so that you can put together a mental mosaic of what you saw and (hopefully) arrive at a place of meaning. ## **Psychological meaning of dreams** Some [psychologists](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/supersurvivors/201801/do-dreams-really-mean-anything) believe that dreams are nothing more than random, fragmented thoughts, woven together into a storyline. Sometimes the narrative makes sense and other times, not so much. At a basic level, this theory kind of rings true. Even though your body may be resting during sleep, your brain is not. If you’ve recently lost someone close, it’s possible that subconsciously, you are working through the grief process. Sometimes, a person we loved shows up in a dream many years after they died. In psychological terms, this could be your subconscious offering a sign that you’ve healed from the loss. Or it could mean there is unfinished business. It’s just really hard to know. Dr. Sigmund Freud, the Father of Psychoanalysis, believed that dreams were literally the “royal road to the subconscious”. Translation: There are hidden thoughts just under the surface of your awareness that hold significant meaning. Could that dead friend or relative appearing in your dream be an indication of an unresolved conflict? It’s possible. It’s important to state that not everyone agrees with Freud’s theories on dreams. For example, Carl Jung, the Swiss Psychiatrist, believed that dreams served to integrate the conscious with the unconscious. A kind of melting if you will. That said, he also allowed for the possibility that dreams hold spiritual meaning as part of your mind’s [active imagination](https://philpapers.org/rec/CHOJOA-2) (Chodorow, 1997). Does this mean Jung thought that when a dead person popped up in your dream, their spirit was trying to speak with you? The honest answer is: *we don’t really know*. Jung didn’t say either way. Which brings us to our next category – spiritual. ![dreaming dead people](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/plagarizing-cheating.jpg?resize=640%2C462&ssl=1)Dreams about people who have died ## **Mystical meaning of dreams** Some people who believe in different forms of spirituality think that when you fall to sleep, your mind enters another realm of existence. The reason they offer is simple. Because your brain waves change during slumber, your mind becomes open to receiving supernatural messages. In other words, **when you sleep, you are connecting to other worlds.** That may sound odd but I’m simply sharing what some folks believe. I can tell you that many Native Americans think when animals show up in a dream, their presence is not accidental. Instead, they are considered gifts from beyond in the form of a spirit guide. Pagans believe that seeing a dead person in dreams is a **good omen**. In other words, the dream itself is symbolic of something positive on the horizon. Wiccans \[at least some\] hold the believe that when you see someone dead in a dream, you are actually communicating with them through time and space. In some Christian dream interpretation [books](https://amzn.to/2LsRBVL), there is a feeling that seeing the dead during sleep means that the person has not found eternal peace. Accordingly, their contact with you is a sign of help. **In other words, what you are seeing is a ghost – an apparition of their soul.** The ancients believed that when you the dead in a dream and they asked you for something, it was **your duty to comply**. Not doing so risked angering the Gods and bringing certain doom to your life. ![dreams about dead people explored](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/costo-casket-review-funeral-casket-coffin.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Is a dead person trying to talk to you? ## **Are dead people speaking to you in dreams?** At the end of the day, what you really want to know is if the dead person you are seeing in your dream is sending a message. *Are they trying to communicate?* The honest answer to that question is nobody knows for sure. The departed person you are seeing could be nothing more than a subconscious projection of [unmet needs](https://guycounseling.com/bad-dreams-unmet-needs-1212/). **Or it could actually be their spirit reaching out from beyond.** The best thing you can do is keep a dream journal. This will allow you to jot down any messages. Having one will also allow you to record special details. For example, if your dead aunt visited you in a dream and asked you for water, you’ll want to write this down as part of the analysis. Remember, objects in dreams can’t be taken literally. Instead, they must be viewed through the lens of symbolism. When you have time, read this article on what [dreams about being chased](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) or hiding means. Doing so will allow you to better understand the concept of symbols in dreams. Well, I hope you found this page useful. Dreams about dead people can be scary. But they are also super fascinating. **Categories:** Lore **Tags:** Dead, Death, Dream Analysis, Dreams --- ### [What Do Dreams About Fighting Mean?](https://guycounseling.com/fighting-dreams-decoded/) **Published:** September 5, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![fighting dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/boxer.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Why am I Dreaming About Fighting?](#Why_am_I_Dreaming_About_Fighting) - [In this post, you will learn:](#In_this_post_you_will_learn) - [Fighting Dreams Explained](#Fighting_Dreams_Explained) - [Fighting Scenarios and Dreams](#Fighting_Scenarios_and_Dreams) - [Dream Interpretation Resources](#Dream_Interpretation_Resources) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Why am I Dreaming About Fighting? Are you having dreams about fighting? Has your mind conjured up imagery of you getting into a fistfight? Is the person you are sparring with a stranger or someone you know? If any of the above describes your situation, you wouldn’t be alone. One of the most common types of dreams, particularly for men, relates to fighting. As a person who teaches courses in [dream interpretation](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1965-02207-000), I can’t tell you how many times a student has come to me and asked, “Why am I dreaming about fighting?” And so that’s what this blog post is all about – why people dream about fighting in dreams. It’s a topic that is not often discussed and widely misunderstood. The reason? Most folks aren’t OK with talking about violence. ## In this post, you will learn: - Causes of fighting dreams - The importance of symbolism - The significance of the person you are fighting with - Why you can’t take your fighting dream literally - Dream interpretation resources Now before we dive too deep, you have a right to know who is penning this piece. I won’t bore you with a bunch of detail except to say that I have a doctorate in psychology and am a licensed mental health professional. In addition, I’m a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist with many hours of training in Jungian psychology. In case you don’t know, Carl Jung was a famous Swiss psychologist who many consider to be the father of psycho-spiritualism. In short, psycho-spirituality is the merging traditional psychology with spirituality. That’s important to know because some believe that dreams contain material from the beyond, such as having a [dream about the deceased](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/). OK, now that we have the prefacing out of the way, let’s assess fighting dreams. ![dreams about fighting decoded](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/fist.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreaming about fighting? ## Fighting Dreams Explained Here’s the dirty little secret of dream analysis. Nobody can say for certain *what* a given dream means. That said, what can happen is an exploration of the material in your dreams, which heavily pulls on **dream symbols**. I’m going to walk you through common causes of fighting dreams and use symbolism as a conduit for self-insight. I’ll say this now and emphasize again later – dreams cannot be taken at face value. Instead, focus on the imagery, which can help you to look inward about what’s going on. Fighting dreams often signify: ### Internal struggle One major reason you may be dreaming about fighting someone relates to a deep subconscious struggle. Examples include making a difficult decision about a relationship or work. Internal struggles can be short-term or long-term. If by nature, you are an indecisive person, this type of dream imagery tends to pop up more frequently. ### Subconscious fears Deeply held fears are often at the root of fighting dreams. For example, if you are afraid of a secret being exposed or worried about a specific issue, like someone cheating on you, your mind may project a villain to fight against. Bear in mind that fear and anxiety are not the same. **Anxiety is the engine behind fear**. In the case of dreams, it’s important to look closely at the symbolic representation to assess the source of your anxiety. ### Unreleased anger If you were bullied as a child or somehow abused, it shouldn’t surprise you that your mind is projecting something violent, like a fistfight. The subconscious has a way of processing and discharging what the conscious mind cannot. This allows for the psychological process known as catharsis. ### A phobia Do you have any phobias? An example might be an intense [fear of rats](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/) or a parlaying reaction to spiders. If the answer is yes, your mind may be conjuring up imagery that matches your phobia. For example, if you fear rats, your subconscious may project a scene where you are fighting one with the goal of building up confidence. ### Sickness Some people have horrible fighting dreams that contain scary creatures. Examples include monsters, wild animals, and even ghosts. In many cases, the person having the dream is dealing with some type of illness. The creature being fought in the dream is symbolic of the condition. ![Exploring fighting dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio-and-cancer-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What are your fighting dreams about? ## Fighting Scenarios and Dreams There are more ways a fight scene can manifest in a dream then I can shake a stick at. What follows are several scenarios that people typically experience. I’ve included an analysis to assist you in creating possible meaning. - **Fighting a girlfriend or boyfriend:** These types of dreams represent a conflict that is happening in the here and now with your mate. The more frequent you have these types of dreams, the more intense the conflict. - **Fighting with your mother or father:** Maternal or paternal based dreams almost always speak to an ethical aspect of your persona. You may be having a fight a parent because you are trying to make “the right choice” about an important life issue. - **Fighting with a stranger:** Fights with strangers in dreams are frequent – and common for guys. Typically, the stranger appears in the subconscious as a target to work out pent-up aggression. Many men who consider themselves [alpha-types](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) have these dreams. - **Fighting a friend:** If you are having dreams about getting into a brawl with a friend, there’s a good chance you have unresolved conflict in the relationship. It is also possible you are jealous of your friend for reasons that are known only to you. - **Fighting to stay alive:** Survival dreams are common and often speak to an aspect of your life that you are working through. An example might be struggling to keep a roof over your head. These types of subconscious themes are often [paired with dreams about money](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-money-decoded/). - **Watching a fight:** Typically, this type of dream means that you are an observer of someone else’s conflict and are torn about the situation. You may or may not have chosen sides. - **Fighting with an animal:** Did you dream about having a fight with a bear, tiger, or wolf? If so, it is important to look at the animal itself. Native Indians believe that animals come to us in the form of guides (spirit animals). It’s possible the animal represents an aspect of your personality that you are in conflict with. - **Fighting while being chased:** If you are dreaming about someone chasing you and then getting into a fight with that person (or creature), then it could be your mind’s way of urging you to confront a fear. [Chasing dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) often go hand in hand with violent dreamscapes. - **Dreams about animals fighting:** Some people dream about animals fighting, such as a pet dog or cat. Typically, these types of dreams speak to a fear about the pet’s safety or welfare. Are you worried about your fur-baby? - **Fighting with demons or ghosts:** Almost always, these types of dreams speak to a closely held fear about something you dread. The demon or ghost is a manifestation of that fear. - **Fighting with someone who died:** If you are having a dream about someone who has passed, such as a family member or friend, the fight itself represents unresolved conflict. - **Fighting in battle:** Did you serve in the military? Are you currently serving? It’s possible your mind is creating a battle as a way of working through unresolved feelings. Some veterans diagnosed with PTSD experience these types of dreams. - **Fighting with a crush:** Do you have a secret crush on someone? Have you held these feelings to yourself for a long time? If so, your subconscious may project conflict with this individual as a paradoxical form of wish fulfillment. See this [post on dreaming about a crush](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/) to learn more. - **Fighting with your boss:** This is a very common type of dream. In most cases, the disagreement is about something in real life that has not been worked out. The dream may also speak to feelings of resentment about a decision your boss has made. - **Fighting a coworker:** This a dream-scape scenario that many people have. If your coworker got the job you wanted and you feel angry about it, your mind may whip up a fight as a way of working through your emotions. ## Dream Interpretation Resources One of the most effective ways to better understand your dreams is to keep a dream journal. By writing jotting down the imagery, people, things, and feelings you experienced while sleeping, you’ll be able to look back and identify themes. The journal itself needn’t be fancy. A simple notebook will work just fine. Some people find that recording material helps to reinforce journal keeping. You can find these types of tools online, like [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2RdcNi5). If you happen to be in psychotherapy (or thinking about it), having a journal may be beneficial to you and your therapist. Did you know there is such a thing as dream therapy? Yep, there is. You can learn more about this [via this link](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/09/dream-therapy-benefits/). In addition to the journal, it may be a good idea to study dream symbolism. This will allow you to better understand what some of the images you are seeing mean. You can find many dream interpretation books online or at chain bookstores. Personally, I like the Dream Interpretation Dictionary by DeBord. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2BvCkgQ). ## Wrap Up If you are having dreams about fighting, don’t be alarmed. Most of us experience this type of situation at some point or another. It is best to think of your dreams as portals to the unseen.  Consider them a gift – a pathway to your inner you. — **References:** Dream Interpretation: A New Approach (2018). American Psychological Association. APA Psyc-Net **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Analysis, Dream Interpretation, Dreams --- ### [How To Stop Letting People Get Under Your Skin](https://guycounseling.com/stop-letting-people-under-skin/) **Published:** January 12, 2022 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![how to stop being triggered man reflecting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/how-to-stop-people-from-getting-under-your-skin.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## People Getting Under Your Skin? Hello and welcome to episode 42 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host – Dr. John Moore and I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago and I teach college courses in psychology and in business. If you haven’t already done so, please hit that subscribe button, so you never miss another episode. OK quick disclaimer – this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling and I’m not your personal therapist. Alrighty, let’s get right into today pod – which is being sponsored by [Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj). Are you ready? Here is it: ### How Stop Letting People Get Under Your Skin So, are there people in your life who say hurtful things to you? Have you found yourself in situations where a friend, a co-worker or someone else shares their unsolicited opinions – and do it un an unsolicited or ugly kind of way? If the answer is yes, welcome to the club. One of the reasons I decided to do this podcast today is because I regularly get messages from listeners through my website and on social about this very topic. In fact, it was just the other day a young man sent me a note was really hurt because of something nasty a friend sent to him and he wanted some guidance on how to deal with it. **Related:** [The BEST podcasts for men!](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/) So today, we’re going to talk about how to not let other people get under your skin in practical, real-world ways. And I guess now would be a good time to mention that if you aren’t already following me on Instagram, please do so now because that’s how I stay in touch with listeners and generate show ideas. Just go to Guy Counseling on Instagram and you’ll find me. OK, so as we dive into this topic, there are a couple of touch points I want to hit on when we’re talking about other people’s opinions. Right off the bat, the first one I’m going to say and needs to be BADLY said is **stop hanging out with crappy people.** Yep, you heard me right – **stop hanging out with jerks** who don’t care about you, who don’t support you and don’t have your best interest in mind. I’m being serious folks. Stop hanging out with energy vampires who live a miserable existence and go out of their way to find something negative about you, who go out of their way to cut you down or have a knack for creating doubt around something you want for yourself in the future. And guys it doesn’t matter if this is a casual acquaintance or someone you’ve known for decades. If they aren’t in your corner and aren’t showing you the same respect that you show them, get them out of your life. They’re caustic and frankly, who needs that? You certainly don’t – so that’s why I’m making this the first step. Ok, the second one is to remember is that **nobody can hurt you with something that you don’t already believe**. I’m going to repeat that – **nobody can hurt you with something that you don’t already believe.** Make sense? And think about it. Imagine some stranger in an elevator saying a whole bunch of offensive things to you like: *I don’t like your shoes,* or *I don’t like the color of your shirt* or *man do you look like you could lose a few pounds.* And this same person could hurl insult after insult at you and most of it you’d probably ignore – until they say the one thing that hits its target with military precision. Like: *Man, are you incredibly dumb!* And because there is a part of you who has questioned your intelligence since childhood – because kids would call you stupid when you were in school, you’ve developed a sensitivity around this topic in adulthood. And I would argue that on some level, probably at the subconscious level, there may be a part of you who bought into that ugly thing that was said about you in the past, rather its true or not, because it was repeated to you over and over again. So, you know what? I’m going to tell you a story that I think will help drive home what I am talking about. OK, so a few years ago, I worked with a client named Austin. He was a younger guy, maybe 25 – something like that – and he worked as a Human Resources Specialist for a well-known company in Chicago’s Loop – and for those of you who don’t know, that’s the city’s business district. Now I’m telling you this because once a week, Austin would get out of work around 5pm and take a CTA Redline train to my office in Uptown, which was just a few miles away. And I’ll never forget that that on one particular summer night, Austin showed up for appointment looking really upset. His face was bright pink, he was clenching his jaw and he was even shaking a little bit. When I saw him in the waiting room and waived him into my office, I could just feel the rage as he passed me by. And so, after he took a seat on the couch, I asked his straight out what happened. And that’s when Austin told me the whole shebang. Apparently, he had boarded the train on Lake Steet and at some point, there was some guy on it who was harassing people – and Austin was one of them. **Related:** [The best anxiety podcasts!](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) This yahoo made fun of Austin’s shoes, ridiculed him about his hair and even found something ugly to say about his jacket. And it sounded like Austin was able to ignore all of that and keep his cool. But then at some point, this troublemaker said to, “Dude, you ain’t fooling anyone in that shirt and tie because everyone on this train knows you are a stupid.” And I guess that’s when Austin turned around and popped this dude in the face. Hard. Yep, he punched him right in the mouth. I wasn’t there and can only tell you what I know, but apparently after this guy got bopped, he scurried away and into another car. Not a pretty story and let me say right now that I am not condoning violence. But again, the idea behind this story is to make a point. At any rate, when I asked Austin what was it that put him over the edge, he told me, “It’s when he called me stupid. I don’t know why but that’s when I lost it.”. And you see that’s when I knew something from Austin’s past had reared its head in the here and now. So, think about this for a minute. This jerk on the train had made fun of Austin’s hair, his shoes, his clothing, and probably other things and none of caused a reaction. But the moment he called him stupid, that’s when he got super pissed. And this goes back to what I mentioned earlier. **Nobody can hurt you with something that you don’t already believe.** In Austin’s case, there was a part of him who had been triggered from his childhood. When he was in grade school, there were bullies at his school who regularly called him dumb because he had a speech impediment. And as time went on and the harassment continued, he started to question his own intelligence and his own abilities. That can happen when you are put down like that over and over again. Does that make sense? But here’s the thing. While it didn’t seem like it on that day he was in my office, the incident itself was kind of a Karmic gift. I know that may sound a bit out there but honestly, it really was. And that’s because the train incident exposed some past trauma that Austin hadn’t dealt with. In other words, it shed light on something caustic he was holding about himself, deep inside. And that’s when we began doing EMDR – or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which is a type of therapy designed to address traumatic things from the past. I won’t go into [how EMDR works](https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/) right now because I don’t want us to lose sight of the big picture. But I will put a link in Show Notes that gives you more information. But as I said, if you are holding trauma-induced beliefs, knowing what they are can be a gift because it gives you the opportunity to work through them and heal. Back in [episode 38 of this podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/karma-wants-to-make-your-dreams-come-true/id1465473031?i=1000542205281), I did a whole show on how the universe is working to make you a better person. And in many ways, when someone says something ugly to you and it cuts – meaning it causes a reaction, it’s the universes way of shining light on an issue that needs to be worked through. So, as angry and pissed off as you might get when someone directly or indirectly uses words to hurt you, that person is actually giving you a gift. I recognize that may sound weird and may sound ridiculous – but if you shift your mindset from a place of reacting to a place of observing, you can choose right now to experience the entire thing as a gift. Now that doesn’t mean you are awarding someone a permission slip to walk all over you or put you down. In fact, the gift itself might be the realization that you need to cut that person out of your life. But an additional benefit can be a spotlight on something you need to work through. So, if somebody says something to me and I don’t have a reaction, that means I’m not triggered. But if someone were to come up to me and make a comment that gets under my skin, that’s a red flag that I’m still needing to work on something deep inside. Look, I know there are a lot of you listening right now who struggle with things like anger – struggle with specific emotions and even more of you who get activated by certain topics, like your parents or finances or body image. I don’t want to minimize any of that. All I am suggesting here is that whatever emotional reaction that gets triggered as a result of someone else’s words, think of it is an indication that you still have work to do. And that’s how you can see this as a gift. Make sense? If someone were to walk up to me – let’s say many years ago and say something crappy to me about my being adopted, because back in the day I was really triggered by that, I probably would have gone off on them. In fact, depending on what was said, I might have even gotten into a fight with them. Why? Because there was so much unfinished business around issue that I hadn’t looked at. And the truth is I didn’t know where to look. I was too ashamed. Worse yet, nobody told me I needed to focus on that issue. But at some point, I did get a counselor to help me process it all, which allowed me to be in a different place. So, if some jerk were to come up to me and make a snide remark about me being adopted, I’d be like – yeah – uh huh – whatever dude. Adios. Now hey – I’m not saying this as a badge of honor or to give myself a pat on the back. Instead, I am sharing that with you because I’ve done a lot of personal work around this issue. I went through therapy, I’ve meditated and even experienced hypnotic healing. And all of this work ultimately got me to a place of inner peace. But I’ll tell you now there are other issues in my life that still trigger me – random things that can sometimes come out of the blue. And when that happens, I can still have an initial reaction of anger. But that’s when I take a step back and do some deep breathing and say to myself: *John, this is an issue you need to work on. It’s just another area that you need to focus on.* And when that happens, I consider it a gift. So, guys, what triggers you? I’m serious – what gets under your skin? What do you need to work through to get to the other side? Do you get pissed quickly? Do you easily go into shutdown mode and close out the world? Do you hold negative thoughts about yourself, based on some crap someone else said? Whatever your answer, think of that as the universe handing you a gift about something you need to work on. Now hang tight, because we’re going to get into things more in just a moment. Stick around. So, as I was saying – when people get under your skin, when they trigger you, it’s Karma showing you that you’ve got something to work on. And speaking for myself, I can’t wait to move through my own issues and I’m hoping this same mindset develops for you. Notice I said **MOVE THROUGH** and not get over it. Here’s the deal. We never really get over anything. I’ve always hated that term because it has this vibe like we’re big babies that need to handle things better. ## ![grit and resilience - meditation river stones](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/river-stones.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)GRIT and Resilience But the reality is you can’t grow as a person unless you move through the pain and learn from it. Do you follow me? But when we try to “get over” something, all we’re really doing is pushing the monster back into the basement until he comes out again. And folks that’s where Grit comes from. I’m talking about real grit and not that stereotypical stuff that says, “Just Do It”. GRIT, in the context we’re talking about, is all about holding steadfast and looking inward, even when we fall down. And it’s that same grit that gives birth to another personal development term – resilience. I’m sharing this with you because there is a false belief out there that suggests all of us can somehow overcome a particular issue and magically be done with it. But the hard truth is there are some things in life we’re never going to be done with. If you’ve ever experienced a major trauma, you know exactly what I mean. But if you keep holding yourself to some nonsense that suggests you should “man up” and get over it, all you’re doing is giving it more power. Imagine what it would be like if instead, you released that need to “get over” a trigger – to get over an issue. In the metaphorical sense, by releasing that need, you are letting the air out of the balloon. You are removing all that pressure so that you can make room for growth and change. Now in my experience, what happens when people are able to identify the source of a trigger, they hit a major milestone because it allows them to stand back and look at things objectively. But this is the tricky part because what often happens is once you step back and pinpoint the source of the pain, whatever it might be, there can be feelings of shame or guilt for holding it in the first place. ## Parts Therapy I’m not going to get into all of the ins and outs of it right now but there is a form of therapy called **parts therapy** or more formally, **Internal Family Systems** and that is designed for this kind of thing. Developed by Richard C. Schwartz, offers a mirror into the different parts of yourself. Now I’m telling you this because when those feelings of shame and guilt come up about a trigger, it is most often a part of you called a **protector**. And it is that protector’s job to keep you away from focusing on the source of your trigger. The way I explain it to my clients, imagine being in a committed relationship with someone. And then one day, you see an attractive girl and you get super aroused and excited. You might even fantasize her. But in the immediate aftermath of that attraction, you feel guilt and shame for having those feelings in the first place. Folks, that’s the protector part of you talking. And its job is to keep you away from dealing with something. But its other job is to protect what’s really going on underneath – an attraction that – if we are really honest about it – is not something to be ashamed about. I mean when we see someone attractive, we can acknowledge that right? That’s not a bad thing or a terrible thing. Acting on that attraction is a different story. And if your dad cheated on your mom when you were a kid, it makes sense that your protector part might start to vibrate shame because it’s an issue from your past that you’ve purposely neglected. Make sense? And that’s why it is far better to simply acknowledge what you are feeling, rather than get caught up in the protector’s game of guilt and shame. Ultimately, this allows you to get to the root of the trigger. All of this relates to the idea of working through rather than denying it – rather than getting over it. I’ll put a link in Show Notes to the web site Good Therapy that explains [Internal Family Systems](https://www.goodtherapy.org/famous-psychologists/richard-schwartz.html) – or parts therapy – more. So, what else can you do to work through the unresolved stuff from your life? How can you figure out what the source of that trigger is? Well, one way to go about it is to grab a pen and paper and start writing it down. Don’t try to figure it all out in your head because those protectors are floating around. Instead, get a pen and paper and start jotting it all out. And when you do this, throw out anything that begins with the word why. Here’s an example. Let’s say you are triggered by some issue around your self-esteem. Instead of writing down *why am I triggered by this*, swap out the **WHY** and replace it with *what*. **WHAT** is triggering this issue with self-esteem? **What** happened in my life that made me sensitive to this issue? **What** is causing me to feel so angry, sad, mad or embarrassed? **What** do I need to look at that I’ve been avoiding? If you are able to get to the source of that trigger, now you know what you need to work through. And if you are struggling to identify the source or if that source is too painful, that’s when you need to reach out to a professional, like a counselor, to help you work through the pain – to move through the trauma. Some people think by merely repressing the pain, they can make it magically go away. But if you take that approach, all you are really doing is creating a pressure cooker that’s eventually going to explode – know what I mean? The process of personal development is an ongoing experience. None of us, including me, are ever going to be perfect. You’re never going to get to the point in your life where all of your personal baggage is gone – but you can make your load lighter. I mean let’s be real about it. Unless you are an android, like the character Data from Star Trek, you’re never going to get to be calm and cool in every single situation. And shoot, even Data struggled with that when his emotion chip flipped on. And who wants to be a robot anyway, right? I mean part of being human means having feelings and reactions. It’s part of who we are. So, it’s not about being done with something. It’s about looking at things through the lens of progress. When you are driving your car on the Interstate and you pass the different mile markers, it’s about looking at how far you’ve come as opposed to being stuck. Movement creates momentum – and that’s the stuff of change. I really hope what I’m saying here clicks. Now let’s move on to another way of stopping people from getting under your skin and I’m just going to come right out and say it. **Be super careful about who you get your advice from.** I’m serious, be careful about the people in your life you get advice from. So, for example, let’s say you want to make a financial investment, let’s say in a specific stock, and your mom tells you, “Hey honey, that’s a really bad idea” and she starts dumping all of her negativity on you, that’s not going to be helpful to you, right? But here’s a question: **Why are you asking your mom about financial investments when she’s never purchased a stock in her life?** Like if your mom doesn’t know the difference between an exchange traded fund and a mutual fund, why on earth are you going to her for advice? Let me give you an example. I love my friend Gina who is also a therapist. But I would never go to her to ask how to grow a podcast. I’d never go to her and say, “Hey Gina, do you have some tips on how to get more listeners? Can you give me some pointers?” Nope – I wouldn’t ask her and the reason for that is because she doesn’t have any experience with it. So, why would I go ask someone for advice about something they’ve never been involved with? Why would you take advice from your buddies about a business you want to launch when they’ve never run a business? Know what I mean? Why would you go to your parents, brothers, sisters or whomever about changing careers when they don’t have the first clue about the area you are trying to break into? I can’t tell you how many people I know who have denied themselves a new opportunity, a new beginning or a new start in life because they got caught up in someone’s negative, narrow-minded advice. And it always blows my mind when I find out that they got that advice from someone who wouldn’t know how to shut a cabinet unless it came with directions. Know what I mean? So, how many of you listening had a great idea for a business or a product, but decided not to act on it because you parents, friends or even your partner decided to dump on it – even though these same people don’t have any life experience with that issue? Would you take advice from someone who is rich about how to get rich? Or to put it another way, would you take advice from someone about how to build wealth from someone who isn’t wealthy? My goodness I hope not. But I’ll tell you this. There’s a lot of broke-ass people out there who love to make themselves out as financial experts, even though they couldn’t rub two pennies together if their life depended on it. There’s a lot of folks out there who can’t help but give business advice, even though they’ve never actually run a business – or managed anyone for that matter. And that’s the thing. Everyone loves to share their opinion, but that doesn’t mean they know what the hell they are talking about. And that’s why you have to be careful about who you seek guidance from. Alright let’s wind this up and recap the three main points about how to not let people get under your skin. **The first is stop hanging out with crappy people.** **The second is to recognize that nobody can hurt you with something unless you already believe it.** **And the third is to be wise about who you get advice from.** So, that’s what I’ve got for you today. If you loved this episode or any of my other pods, please be sure to share it with your your circle of friends and most importantly, leave a review on whatever platform you are listening. Just recently a guy who goes by JGB1979 left a review on Apple Podcasts and he said that this podcast has been helping him with managing anxiety. So, thank you JGB for that. And please – feel free to follow me on social media. You can find me on Instagram at Guy Counseling or on Facebook and Twitter at the same handle. As I close this pod out, I have just one more request. Make it your goal today to put a smile on someone else’s face. Thanks for listening to the [Men’s Self Help Podcast](https://guycounseling.com/category/podcasts/) and I hope you have an AMAZING day! **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts **Tags:** Pain, Trauma, Triggered, Triggers --- ### [4 Keys To Changing Unhealthy Behaviors](https://guycounseling.com/4-keys-to-changing-unhealthy-behaviors/) **Published:** December 29, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![how to change behaviors man mind electricity](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/keys-to-change-man-lights-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [How To Change Unhealthy Behaviors](#How_To_Change_Unhealthy_Behaviors) - [Step One: Relax](#Step_One_Relax) - [Step Two: Evaluate](#Step_Two_Evaluate) - [Step Three: Set an Intention](#Step_Three_Set_an_Intention) - [Step Four: Take Action](#Step_Four_Take_Action) ## How To Change Unhealthy Behaviors Hello and welcome to episode 41 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore, and I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago, Illinois and I specialize in men’s work and men’s issues. Now as we get into today’s pod, please be sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another show. Quick disclaimer, this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling and I’m not your personal therapist. Alrighty – let’s jump right into our topic. **How to change unhealthy behaviors.** As a starting point, I’d like to ask you a couple of questions. - Do you find yourself regularly engaging in things you know you aren’t good for you? - For example, do you drink to much, smoke too much or eat too much? - Have you been over-buying things online, even though you know you don’t really need them – and frankly can’t afford them? If any of this sounds familiar, welcome to the club! If we are being real about it, all of us are imperfect – and that includes me. In fact, I’ve done just about everyone of those things I just ticked off with some more than others. And I’m saying this because in order for you to create a shift in something, like an unhealthy habit or even an addiction, you’ve got to be honest with yourself about what’s going on. And when I say honest, I’m talking about doing it in a way that is devoid of judgement and shame. You may be wondering how can I do this? Well, hang tight because I’m going to go over all of this with you in just a few minutes as part of exploring the four keys to changing behavior. But just for right now, I want you to think of that one thing – that one behavior – you’d like to change and just tuck it in your back pocket, because we’ll be coming back to it. Alrighty? You know, I’ve been involved in field of counseling and coaching for nearly two decades and I’ve worked with just about every type of person you can imagine – from the school janitor who has found himself addicted to pain killers to the corporate executive hooked on adult vids. Some were so poor they couldn’t afford the $2.00 bus ride to get to my office and others so rich that they pulled up in a chuffer driven car. But regardless of their background, the common bond that united all of these people – regardless of their life station – was a strong desire to create change. And as I talk about this now with you, I’m thinking of a client I once worked with named Mike. Now when Mike came to see me around 15-years ago, he was struggling with a series of life problems. He was in his late 30’s, overweight and hooked on booze and adults vids. In order to get his sexual needs met – because hey we all have that part of us that needs nurturing, he’d spend hundreds of dollars on the weekend at massage parlors – and when I say massage, I’m talking about places that offer a happy endings, if you follow my drift. Now I mentioned that last part to you **not** because I believe happy endings are a bad thing or that sex work is wrong. Nope. Personally, I think it’s kind of ridiculous that we criminalize that kind of thing between two consenting adults – and the keywords being **consenting adults**. But I digress – back to Mike. The reason he came to see me was because there was a part of him who realized that his life was spiraling out of control. He didn’t like the way he looked, he hated how he had become addicted to alcohol, and he wasn’t happy about his relationship with video or the massage parlors. What’s more, he was terribly in debt and was on the verge of losing his job as a fork-lift driver. As I share some of that with you, maybe some of you can relate? And so, Mike desperately wanted to become a new person. For him, he had gotten so depressed and accustomed to hating on himself that the man could barely look at himself in the mirror anymore. He was depressed, lonely and even feeling a bit suicidal. I can still hear him now saying to me: “Dr. John, please help me stop doing these things. I don’t like the person I’ve become.” And you see this is what happens when a man like Mike comes to a person like me. They desperately hope that the counselor can magically “fix” them and make everything better. But the sad truth is it doesn’t work that way. I mean hell yeah I wish I had a magic wand and could do an abracadabra on someone in that situation. That would be amazing! But the reality is the process of change starts with each of us – it starts with you. Here’s a dirty little secret: Therapists and coaches can help a person to facilitate change, but the actual process of transformation begins with the individual. So, what happens to a guy like Mike who had clearly reached a point of crisis? Can anything be done? Well, I’ll tell you exactly what I told Mike all those years ago and its actually good news. Are you ready? Here it goes: *Crisis is the point in time when change is most likely*. Let me say that again: *Crisis is the point in time when change is most likely*. And this makes sense, doesn’t it? We never really want to change a behavior if it’s not causing us problems, particularly if it brings us joy, right? Like if you just stepped away from a slot machine after winning the $10,000 jackpot, you aren’t going to be running around saying, “Oh man, I really messed up. I just hate myself for winning all that cash. What the hell is wrong with me? Nope – the crisis part happens when you lose the last $20.00 to your name on a poker game and realize, “Holly crap, I’m completely broke. I don’t even have enough money now to buy myself food – and the rent is past due, and my car note is late, and oh my God, my phone is about to get shut off. Why did I blow all my money on that poker game? You see, **that’s crisis**. That’s when life gets real. And again, it is the point in time when change is most likely. Follow me? All of this brings us back to our main topic – how can I change an unhealthy behavior? Well, now would be a good time for me to acquaint you with a technique called **REST**. Let me repeat that, **REST** and it stands for **RELAX, EVALUATE, SET AN INTENTION and ACT.** Now as a matter of full disclosure, I didn’t make REST up. It comes to us from the world Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT -and it was conceptualized by the American psychologist, Dr. Marsha Linehan. If you want to know more about DBT, be sure to check out [episode 33](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/preventing-anger-from-turning-into-rage-with-dbt/id1465473031?i=1000530262730). Now as we go over REST, keep in mind that this technique can be used as part of a change process. It isn’t designed to instantly stop an unwanted behavior or magically fix it. Instead, REST can be used as part of finding the motivation to put you on the path to change. Does that make sense? I just want to be clear about that because anyone who says they can instantly fix any type of habitual or addictive problem is yanking your chain. OK, let’s get to it: ![Change Behaviors Mystical Bird Water](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/add-coaching.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Change and personal transformation ## Step One: Relax For this particular key, I need you to go back to that one thing I mentioned at the start of the podcast you want to change. It could be your relationship with alcohol, it could be some other substance, or it could be a behavior. And what I’d like you to do is project a thought bubble above your head. Yep, a thought bubble – kind of like what you might see in a comic book. And inside of that bubble you’re going to place the image or words of that one thing you are trying to change. If it helps, take a deep breath and hold it for the count of four and then release. Once you’ve done this, all I want you to do is observe that bubble. Yup yup, just observe it. If you are struggling to come up with an image, it’s OK to pull out a pen and paper and write down the word that represents that thing you want to change. For example: Alcohol, gambling, smoking, video – you get the idea. The idea here is to create emotional distance from that one thing you want to change. If this feels a bit strange to do, that’s fine – just go with it. There may be part of you who is resistant to this kind of thing because it feels too woo-woo. No problem, but I’d still like you to go with it and see how things shake out. By engaging in this step, you are employing a powerful tool called mindfulness. Think of it as your very own super-power. Remember, all we are doing is observing. Follow me? If you are wondering how long you should be holding this mental image, there is no right or wrong answer. Since our goal is for you to simply observe – devoid of judgement – the amount of time will vary. For some people, reaching a place of non-judgmental observation takes only a few moments. For others, it can take several minutes – or more – because the object itself is emotionally charged. Your subconscious will let you know when you’ve reached the right place. If you need to pause this part of the pod and come back to it – that’s fine and dandy. Once you are ready, let’s move to step two. ## Step Two: Evaluate Now that you’re able to evaluate this behavior you are holding, it’s time to evaluate. Notice I said evaluate and not judge because there’s a big difference between the two. When we judge, we make a determination about a given behavior and its almost always negative. And honestly, do you really need to lay anymore guilt upon yourself? Of course you don’t because all that does is make you more likely to engage in that undesired behavior because it lets you escape from the guilt. When we evaluate, we simply look at something objectively to determine its value. Here’s an example. Let’s say in my thought bubble I have projected a hamburger with fries because every night I’ve found myself eating fast food and it’s become an unhealthy habit. In looking at that mental picture, I’m simply going to think about what value that behavior is bringing to my life. Some questions to ask as part of this step include: - Is it helping me to look physically fit? - Does it make me more attractive? - Has it helped me to move closer to my goals or further away? By evaluating a behavior instead of judging it, the behavior itself has less power over us? Does that make sense? Now here’s the thing with this step. It is important to not over analyze. All you want to do is assess this thing in your life from the vantage point of 30,000 feet. If you are using a microscope, throw it out guys because it’ll shoot you down a rabbit hole. At this point, we aren’t trying to solve the problem. All we are doing is evaluating it’s value in our life? Does that make sense? Now hang with me because in just a few moments, we’re going to go over the other two steps. Stick around. Visit Better Help using [this link](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj) for a very special offer to the listeners of the Podcast. OK, so you’ve done step one and projected that thing you’d like to change in your thought bubble and you’ve also taken care of step two, which is simply observing it and evaluating it’s presence. Now we’re going to move to step three, which is: ## Step Three: Set an Intention And with this one, you you’re going to be doing pretty much what it suggests. I have found step three works best when it is verbally stated and then followed up by writing it down. Here is an example of setting an intention: *I want to move closer to stopping my relationship with video.* Notice I didn’t say: I’ll never watch video again. You see, if your intention is something like that, you are forcing your mind into corner. And with bad habits or even addiction, we don’t want to do that because there can be a part of ourselves who rebels. Call it a younger version of the self or even what Sigmund Freud described at the ID. And the ID is devoid of time and space. It only wants what it wants – whenever it wants it – and it doesn’t like taking orders. Real quick, I remember the first time I tried to change my relationship with cigarettes and ultimately end smoking. The more I told myself “I want to quit” the more I felt myself wanting another cigarette. And the reason for that is because it turns out the word “Quit” makes the subconscious mind feel like it’s giving something up, like it’s being punished. It was only until I shifted my intention – I shifted my language did I find lasting change possible. I was able to do this by creating the following alternative intention: *I want to move closer to stopping my relationship with nicotine.* Do you see what I did there? The words MOVE CLOSER aren’t as scary. Moreover, I hacked into my brains Nucleus accumbens, an area of the pre-frontal cortex, known as [the brain’s pleasure center](https://www.helpguide.org/harvard/how-addiction-hijacks-the-brain.htm). And in my hack, I introduced the possibility of change without freaking it out. When you set your intention – verbally and then in writing – you are shifting your mindset slowly and gradually. And in my experience that is how lasting change happens, when we make adjustments incrementally and not instantly. As part of this step, I encourage you to spend some time with your intention. You may want to mediate on it or you may want to write it down on a sticky note and slap it up next to your computer screen. Think of your intention as planting a seed. And of this all goes back to that magic wand deal – that abracadabra thing I talked about before. Of course, if I’m addicted to alcohol, or nicotine or food or whatever it might be, I’m going to want to experience immediate results. But let me ask you a question: When you’ve gone for instant results in the past, how did that work out? How long did that change last? Probably not long, right? That’s why setting your intention and then spending time with it is so important. It plants the seeds of change. OK, the final key or Step Number Four ## Step Four: Take Action With this one, we’re moving from a place of thought to action. And one of the best ways to do this is to start off with the question **WHAT**. In other words, *what* is one small thing you can do to create change with a given behavior. Here’s how Mike used this step. He asked himself: *What’s one small step I can take to change my relationship with alcohol?* And when he asked himself this question, he realized that part of the reason he drank at home was because he was feeling bored and lonely. And so, at night, when he came home from work, instead of sitting down on the couch and having a few glasses of scotch, he decided the one small thing he could do was 30 minutes of cardio at his local gym. This allowed him to be around people, which chased away the loneliness, and allow him to do something good for himself. What he didn’t do was say, “I’m not going to drink anymore.” Nope, actually it was just the opposite. Instead, he left open the possibility that he could still drink. But here’s the thing and it kind of relates to physics. Action encourages more action – in other words motion continues to accelerate on itself until something stops it. Using that *what* question as part of step four, taking action, you might ask yourself: *What would it be like if I chose to an apple instead of a donut? What would it be like if I used my imagination when I self-pleasure instead of video? What would it be like if I spent 5 minutes reading an article about nicotine addiction, instead of instinctively lighting up?* You see, it is the WHAT question that infuses the shift and sparks action. So, how did this look for Mike? Well, simply put, he started to build momentum and accelerate the change process. He thought to himself, “If I can do cardio at night and not drink, what else can I do?” And that’s when the wheels really started turning for him. He joined a support group for others struggling with alcohol abuse. He began creating change around the things that were robbing him of his self-esteem, like how the booze was making him feel crappy and how adult imagery was cheating him out of meaningful intimacy. Now here’s the deal. Some of these realizations happened as part of counseling, where we used a strength-based approach to help him draw upon his own to empower change. I’ve put a link to the website [positive psychology](https://positivepsychology.com/strengths-based-interventions/) to help explain this more so be sure to check it out. With all of that said, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that his transformation was fast or that he Mike didn’t experience some setbacks. He absolutely did. But you see, that’s how change works. It’s a series of starts and stops, slips, and falls, until ultimately, we are on the path we want to be. Does the REST technique work for everyone? Of course not. This is just one approach. Nothing ever can be guaranteed. But I will say that once we plant the seeds of change, it has a funny way of happening. So, what’s going on with Mike today? Just to be straight up, I’m not 100% sure because the last time I ran into him was around three years ago. It was in front of Water Tower Place, in a stretch of land called “Chicago’s Magnificent Mile”. He was waiting for a cab and shouted out to me as I walked into the building. At first, I didn’t recognize him because he looked so different. I mean yeah, he had aged but honest to goodness the guy looked great. He had lost weight and managed to keep it off. He looked well rested, and I could even see there a little sparkle in his eyes. Long story short, we did the hello thing and shook hands. But before we could do any real catching up, his cab had arrived. Seconds later, he was gone. But you know what, I didn’t need Mike to tell me how he was doing. It was obvious. I mean, you could just tell that the gift of change had visited him. That’s pretty amazing, you know? Alright, before we close out this pod, let’s recap the four keys to changing unhealthy behaviors: **Step One: Relax** **Step Two: Evaluate** **Step Three: Set an intention** **Step Four: Take Action** If you are interested in a workbook that contains a handout on the REST approach, along with other DBT techniques, I’ve put a link in show notes to the [DBT Skills Workbook on Amazon](https://amzn.to/3xscXrC). We covered a lot in today’s show, don’t you think? Not only did you learn about a technique to create change around unhealthy behaviors, but you also learned a brain hack. I’d like to take a moment to thank the website FEED SPOT for listing this pod among the top 100 podcasts for men. And folks, now would be a good to for me to say that if you loved this show or any of my past podcasts, please take a moment right now to leave a review on whatever platform you may be listening. It only takes a minute – because it’s like this. The more people who leave a review, the higher this program shows up in the listings. You know there’s lots of ways to reach me. You can visit website, Guy Counseling Dot Com – and there, you will find a number of articles I’ve written, along with a form to fill out to get my newsletter. You can also find me on social media. I’m on Instagram at Guy Counseling – and I’m on Facebook and Twitter at the same handle. So, there we have it, another show. Make it your goal today to put a smile on someone else’s face. I hope you have an amazing day! **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Addiction, change, Self-Help, Transformation --- ### [5 Strategies To Find Your Purpose In Life](https://guycounseling.com/find-life-purpose/) **Published:** December 15, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![finding your life purpose man looking at sky](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/finding-your-life-purpose.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Finding Your Life Purpose](#Finding_Your_Life_Purpose) - [How To Find Your Life’s Purpose](#How_To_Find_Your_Lifes_Purpose) - [Step One: Know Your Story](#Step_One_Know_Your_Story) - [Step Two: Identify your obsessions](#Step_Two_Identify_your_obsessions) - [Step Three: Use a tool](#Step_Three_Use_a_tool) - [Step Four: Start moving](#Step_Four_Start_moving) - [Step Five: Give Yourself Time](#Step_Five_Give_Yourself_Time) ## Finding Your Life Purpose What’s up everyone and welcome – to this – the 40th episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host Dr. John Moore and I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago, Illinois. For Ha Ha’s, I also teach college courses in psychology and in business. Now before we get too far in, I ask that you please hit that subscribe button, so you never miss another episode. Also, keep in mind the material that follows is educational in nature and is not a replacement for mental health counseling and I’m not your personal therapist. Alrighty – let’s hop right to our topic today: ## How To Find Your Life’s Purpose You know, in the nearly 20-years I’ve been doing counseling and coaching, this particular issue is one that ranks right up there for the top reasons men seek out guidance. In fact, I touched on this a bit in episode [episode 37](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/7-top-reasons-men-seek-out-therapy/id1465473031?i=1000540609921) – if you want to check it out. And usually, this is how the topic comes up when a man reaches out: *Hey Dr. John, can you help me figure out where I should be heading in life?* OR *Hey Dr. John, how do I figure out my life’s purpose?* Haha, I’ll tell ya, as I dive into all of this with you, I am reminded of a client of mine from a few years back named Travis. He a young guy, maybe in his late twenties, who had just finished a six-year enlistment in the U.S. Navy. As I share this with you, I can still see Travis in my mind’s eye sitting on my couch during that first session. He said something to me like: “I’m not sure what I should be doing next in my life. I’ve earned this degree in General Studies because I wasn’t sure what else to do. And then he said: “You see that’s the story of my life. I’m super indecisive.” As part of our work together, I would come to learn that Travis came from a working-class family on Chicago’s South Side – out by Midway Airport and not far from where the White Sox play. Raised Catholic, his dad was a policeman and his mom worked as a food server at one of the city’s high schools. Now I’m telling you all of this because I could relate to Travis and knew full well what it was like to come from this kind of stock. To make a long story short, there is an expectation for men from these parts to get a good paying job to raise a family. And to keep it real – for many of these men – the idea is to find steady, stable work and not necessarily meaningful or fulfilling work. Does that make sense? Now let me be clear and state this isn’t true for all men and certainly not true for all guys coming up on Chicago’s South Side. That said, even in our modern age, there is still an unspoken expectation that flows as a kind of masculine undercurrent. And because I understood this about Travis’s background, I also knew he felt a bit lost and under pressure to figure things out. And you know what – that’s exactly what we did. We, or I should say he, figured it out. What follows are 5 fives strategies to find your life purpose you might want to consider. To a lesser or greater degree, this is the approach I took with Travis. As this pod continues, I’ll be returning back to him as a point of reference. Are you ready? OK, let’s get right to it. ## ![life purpose](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/eagle-positivity-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Step One: Know Your Story So, right off the bat, any attempt at trying to find your life purpose must include knowing your story. And when I say know your story, I don’t mean things like how you came to be, where you were born or your family’s DNA. Nope – instead, when I say know your story, I’m talking about examining your past and identifying your struggles. One way to go about this is to grab a pen and paper and simply look at the times in your life that were most challenging. But your goal here is to go beyond looking at your struggles, looking at your difficulties. Instead, the idea is to focus the unique traits and skills you employed that helped to pull you through. And what you’re really doing here is focusing in on any patterns. You see it is in those patterns that the contours of your life’s purpose will begin to emerge. To keep it real with you – this is exactly what I asked Travis do as part of his own quest. I had him grab a piece of paper and draw three columns. He labeled column one *Struggle*, column two *Skill* and column three P*atterns*. Over the course of time, Travis discovered that he was able to pull upon his own resilience to work through hard times, just like his grandparents had when they emigrated And he got that sense of resilience from his grandparents, pulling upon their own personal narrative of optimism and hard work after immigrating from Ireland. You see it was in their personal stories, and Travis’s interest in them, that gave him a chip for overcoming obstacles. Does that make sense? Now I need to say now that this particular strategy isn’t one that you should rush. Think of this exercise as a kind of journaling activity that will take several days and maybe even weeks to complete. And that’s because some of your experiences, particularly the difficult ones, may be buried deep within your psyche. OK, so that’s step one. ## Step Two: Identify your obsessions Ok, this one may seem easy, but it might be harder than you think. Knowing your passions means spending time looking at the things you naturally gravitate to. Here’s an example. Every time Travis came to my office for therapy, he had some kind of book with him. And nine times out of ten, it had something to do with history, like a biography of Teddy Roosevelt or something about the Daley Family. Haha – you know, as I share this with you now, I am reminded of one session we had where Travis saw a copy of the Chicago Sun Times sitting on my desk. He looked at me and said something like, “Hey Dr. John – did you know that newspaper you’ve been reading was founded by Marshall Fields the Third, son of Marshall Fields – you know, as in the Department Store? And to keep it real with you, I honestly didn’t know this. But what I quickly became aware of was that Travis was **obsessed with history**. Like big time. The problem was, ***he didn’t know it***. Instead, Travis thought his interests were more like a random hobby. Something that was just kind of there to pass the time. And so as our sessions continued, I observed that every time something historical came up, whatever it might be, the guy’s eyes would like up like a Christmas tree and he would become super animated. One day I pointed this out to Travis and asked him, *Did you ever notice that when the topic of history comes up, you get really excited? Have you ever thought of using some of that in the service of others?* While I don’t recall exactly what he said, it was something along the lines of, “Yeah right dude. You can’t make a living off of knowing random facts.” But I already knew the question itself had piqued his imagination. And this let us to our next strategy. Which is: ## Step Three: Use a tool Part of understanding our purpose in life is to know something about our personality and gifts. And can I be real with you? Self-insight and meditation will only get you so far. Don’t get me wrong – they are necessary – but sometimes a tool is needed for an objective assessment. This is why I encourage people to take a personality assessment. Here, I am talking about something patterned after the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory. Not to get into the weeds, but this tool was developed by Isabel Myers and her mother Katherine Briggs and is based on their work with the famous Swiss Psychiatrist, Carl Jung and his theory or personality types. And guys, you can take this assessment for free online. It won’t cost you a dime. Just head on over to [16 personalities](https://www.16personalities.com/) dot com and go through the questions. I’ll put a link to this resource in show notes just so you have it. But be forewarned, many who take the assessment find their results to be freakishly accurate. Now before moving forward, I’ve got to say that personality assessments are conclusive in nature. In other words, they aren’t designed to paint you into a corner or label you. Instead, think of them as a kind of flashlight – a way of shedding more light on the deeper you. In Travis’s case, his personality assessment turned out to be a typology called: **ESTJ**. The **E** is for Extroverted. The **S** is for Sensing. The **T** is for Thinking and the **J** is for Judging. Now I’m not going to get into the weeds with you on what this typology means because when you take your assessment, you’ll get a detailed breakdown that explains what everything. For our purposes, what’s important to know is that Travis’s personality type happened to be a really strong fit for folks interested in education, like teachers and school administrators. By leaning into this kind of tool, it helped Travis to get to know himself better, including his strengths and challenge areas. What’s more, the assessment sparked his imagination about possibilities for the future. And in just a moment, we’re going to talk about the final two strategies that were helpful to Travis – and may help you too. Stick around. **Promotional Offer** Visit this page to learn more about the [best men’s skin care routine for men made super easy](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/)! OK, so let’s get back to finding your purpose and move to the next strategy – and that would be: ## Step Four: Start moving OK, once we’ve reached this stage, it’s time to turn the abstract into action. So, what does this mean? Well, in the case of Travis, it meant taking a super small step. And he did this by applying for a part-time job as a walking tour guide that showed gave visitors background on the city’s downtown architecture. Now here’s the thing. This wasn’t Travis’s main job. I may have this wrong, but I think his primary source of income back then was working at a tech firm in the Chicago’s Loop. But the reason he took the weekend job giving tours was to see what it would be like to lean into his passions and use them in the service of others – which in this case was to help folks learn something new about Chicago’s history. Does that make sense? And as time went on, Travis really LOVED doing this kind of work. It didn’t matter to him that the pay was crap, you know? In fact, for him, that weekend gig was something he looked forward to way more than his regular job – and that’s because what he was doing didn’t even feel like work. As I share this with you, ask yourself how you might take a small step towards your passion – towards your purpose. For example, do you like animals? Are you into cars? What might be one small, tiny thing you can do that moves you closer to that thing that lights your fire – that holds your interests? Alright, let’s get to that final step. ## Step Five: Give Yourself Time This final strategy is one that I can’t stress enough. If you force yourself to find your purpose, you’re only going to frustrate yourself. Give yourself permission to engage in new experiences and try new things. This may help you to uncover people, topics and issues that emotionally resonate with you. But if you try to force yourself to be passionate about something – to find a purpose, you’re placing pressure on yourself that’s only going to bring you down. I’m going to share something with you that some people in helping professions might find blasphemous. Are you ready? **It’s OK not to know your life purpose right now**. **It’s OK not to be on a daily quest to figure out what the hell you are supposed to be doing in life**. And I’m sharing this with you because in the Karmic sense, the universe is going to unfold in the way it was meant to be. Now that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put that intention out there. One thing I encouraged Travis to do as part of our time together was to meditate each morning over a 90-day period and say the following affirmation: *I invite the universe to show me my purpose. I invite the universe to show me my purpose. I invite the universe to show me my purpose*. And yes, I had him do this three times. The reason I had him do this was because I wanted to help Travis train a part of his brain called the [Reticular Activating System](https://extension.umn.edu/two-you-video-series/ras) – which is located in the brainstem – and it’s a part of the brain that is responsible for focus. By meditating with this affirmation over a multi-week period, Travis conditioned his conscious and subconscious mind to see things related to his purpose that he might now have seen otherwise. On a related note, I’d like to recommend a resource to you to consider as part of this step. It’s called *The Daily Gratitude Journal for Men: 90 Days of Mindfulness and Reflection* by Dean Bokhari. [Visit Amazon to learn more](https://amzn.to/3CUqHg1). Think of it as a tool to help wake up your reticular activating system and focus your awareness. I’ve put a link to this book in Show Notes. So, you may be wondering what Travis is up to today? Well, I’m still in touch with him from time to time and I can tell you he’s in a much different place. You see after our work together all of those years ago, he would go on to earn some additional credentials, like a master’s degree in education. Today, he’s teaching history courses for one of Chicago’s city colleges. And here’s the thing – he loves it. No, it doesn’t pay him what a corporate job might. But honestly, he doesn’t care. He’s happy doing what he is doing because when he wakes up on the morning, he feels on a deep and intuitive level that the work he is doing brings his life meaning. So, before we end today’s show, let’s recap the five strategies we just went over: **Step One: Know Your Story** **Step Two: Identify Your Obsessions** **Step Three: Use a Tool** **Step Four: Start Moving** **Step Five: Give Yourself Time** OK, that’s what I’ve got for you today. As we close out this podcast, I’m going to ask you a favor. If you love this podcast or any of the past pods that I’ve done, please take a few moments right now to leave a review wherever you may be listening, but particularly on Apple Podcasts. By doing this, you are helping this program to grow organically and show up higher in the listings so that other men just like you can find the podcast. I’m going to leave you now with the following request: Make it your goal today to put a smile on someone else’s face. Thank you for listening to the Men’s Self-Help Podcast and I hope you have an amazing day! **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Life Meaning, Life Purpose, Meditation --- ### [What To Do When The Holidays Are Depressing](https://guycounseling.com/holidays-depressing-tips/) **Published:** December 12, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![holidays](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/holiday-lights-chrismas-tree.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Coping With Being Depressed During Holidays It’s the most wonderful time of the year, or is it? The [holidays aren’t always cheerful](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/21/smarter-living/yes-its-ok-to-be-sad-during-the-holidays.html). For some men it can be a time filled with stress, grief, and depression. When the holidays aren’t a positive experience for you, it can wreak havoc on your mental and physical health. For some people, the holidays create debilitating anxiety and depression. There’s even a term for it. It’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. If you’re feeling terrible around the winter holidays, you’re not alone. According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA) nearly 5% of American adults experience seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression. ### A Few Reasons Why Men Might Feel Anxious or Depressed Around the Holidays - Facing the prospect of Interacting with toxic family members or friends. - Financial concerns that come along with the gift-giving tradition. - Compulsions or aversions to holiday food and weight management. - Unrealistic or unrealized expectations about the holiday season. - Feeling social anxiety and pressure to interact with friends, co-workers, and family. - Balancing work and personal life responsibilities. - Maintaining a rigorous schedule that involves increased traveling and shopping. - Coping with the grief of lost family members and loved ones. **Related:** [5 Tips for Men Coping with Grief or Loss](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-coping-grief-loss/) For men who face any of these problems, it’s hard to fight the natural urge to just shut down and avoid the holidays all together. That might be a short-term coping strategy for getting through the holidays but hiding from your problems isn’t realistic. You could possibly resolve and manage Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) with a little help. You don’t have to people-please or take on a jam-packed schedule for the holidays. You can turn the dial back down to levels you maintain throughout the year and still manage to have a decent time. When it comes to family and friends, you should review and (if necessary) revise your social boundaries. ### Setting Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays First off, saying the word “no” isn’t the end of the world. You can say “no” to social engagements without even justifying the reasons or feeling guilty. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you’re selfish. It means that you care enough to manage the demands for your time so that you don’t get burned out. Set a schedule for the holidays that allows you to reap some form of enjoyment out of them. Some men get lost in ticking-the-boxes during the holidays and the whole thing passes by in a blur of forced interactions and duties. No wonder you hate this time of the year. Practice telling people that you need to check back with them after you take a look at your schedule. If you hate saying “no”, then just say you’ll get back to them as soon as possible. Instead of saying “no”, just tell them that you already have plans. This works even if you plan on just doing nothing. **Related:** [10 Ways Successful People Cope With Stress](https://guycounseling.com/stress-management-success/) ### Self-Care Tips for the Holidays Don’t leave yourself off the list when it comes to gifts and special treats for the holidays. Be sure to prioritize yourself even during the season of giving. Otherwise, you could quickly get burned out and depressed. By taking good care of yourself, you can spread your wings a bit more and break out of a depressive pattern. Here are some guilt-free tips for prioritizing self-care during the holidays. - Eat what you want and allow yourself some leeway when it comes to holiday food. - Slow down your work commitments to allow for more downtime. - Avoid spending too much time looking at other peoples’ holiday social media posts. - Don’t neglect your regular routine. Make time for activities that you enjoy year-round. - Plan to give yourself at least one gift. - Tell your family and friends what you need from them in order to feel okay. ### Summing it Up Seasonal Affective Disorder isn’t just a case of the winter blues. It also doesn’t mean that you’re a Scrooge or a Grinch if you don’t feel like spontaneously breaking out into song or wearing a ridiculously ugly sweater. There’s a ton of pressure surrounding the holidays. Plus, it’s cold, dark and gloomy outside. It’s completely understandable to feel uneasy at this time. If you take any single thing from this post, let it be to adjust your connection with social media. It’s a seasonal depression minefield. Everyone is trying to put their best holiday photos online and you’re exposed to this simulated echo chamber of manufactured holiday cheer that can be overwhelming. Then, you have the never-ending holiday shopping ads. If you can just spend a little less time on social media during the holidays, you’re bound to improve your experience. If things ever get out of hand, you can reach out to family and friends that you trust. Speak up and tell them what’s going on. You can also speak with a therapist or counselor about anxiety and depression. You can reach out to [Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj) without ever leaving the house. No matter what, don’t let the holiday blues just roll right over you. Be proactive and take good care of yourself. Taking care of yourself isn’t something you can afford to put on the back burner until the holidays are over. Start early. **Related:** [How to Reprogram Your Anxious Brain](https://guycounseling.com/reprogram-your-anxious-brain/)! **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Holidays, SAD --- ### [Does Quit Tea Help You Stop Smoking Or Is It A Rip Off?](https://guycounseling.com/quit-tea-help-stop-smoking-rip-off/) **Published:** January 26, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cup of tea quit tea review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/tea.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Quit Tea Product Review from an Ex-Smoker’s Perspective Are you trying to stop smoking and thinking of using Quit Tea? Have you heard about this product from different people and wonder if it really works? Worried it might be a scam? If you are answering yes to any of the above, you’ve come to the right place. You see, at one time I used to smoke cigarettes. And not just a few. I’m talking as many as two packs a day! **I know exactly what it is like to try and stop smoking. Let’s be real – it’s rough!** This is particularly true if you’ve been hooked on nicotine for a long time and struggle with withdrawal. I know that was true for me. I smoked on and off for over 20 years. When I tried to stop in the past, I’d always fail. The cravings would get so bad I couldn’t handle it. Like a wave, they’d wash over me and take my quit with it. Mind you, these cravings happened even when I was wearing a nicotine patch. Tired of relapsing over and over, I decided to look for something natural to help me get through the hard moments. That’s when I learned about Quit Tea from word of mouth. After using it for the past year, I’d like to share my experiences with you. What you are about to read is real. I’m a person who is naturally skeptical of hyped up products  – so keep this in mind as you read. So, you are probably wondering: **Does Quit Tea work** **and is it worth the money?** [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00OBY2FFY&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00OBY2FFY/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00OBY2FFY&linkCode=am2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=af306ef14cd4a124d0af18eb51732cca)In my experience and speaking only for myself, I have to say the product was helpful. I’ve been off the cigs for over a year now and I don’t think I could have made it this far without the tea. What I like about the product is its smooth taste and interesting smell. I’ll reveal what’s inside in a moment because I’m sure you are curious. The important thing I communicate right now is this – I’m confident there is something about this tea’s aroma that helped crush my urges. I wish I could explain to you exactly what or why. It smells like a cross between a cooked Thanksgiving turkey and black pepper. Not exactly the most attractive scent I suppose. But at the end of the day, I guess it doesn’t really matter. Here’s how I’m using it. Whenever a craving strikes, I boil water in a kettle. Then, I grab a packet of the tea and extract a bag. I plop it into a cup, pour in the hot water and let it steep for 30-seconds. If the spirit moves me, I’ll even toss in a sliced lemon. Once I start sipping on the tea, my urge starts to fade. **I’m not saying it completely goes away.** It doesn’t. But the intensity of my craving diminishes considerably. **Related:** [Heavy smoking linked to premature aging ](https://guycounseling.com/premature-aging-smoking-drinking/) Typically, I pay approximately $10.00-$11.00 for a box of 20 that I get from an online outlet. You can do a Google search and find several places that carry. Given the cost of cigarettes in Cook County, Illinois, the price is completely worth it – at least to me. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/J5bo62PJpOHOo/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Now let’s talk about the ingredients because I’m sure you want to know what’s inside. All I can do is share what’s written on the box. - Valerian Root - Sarsaparilla - St. John’s Wort - Red Clover - Licorice - Cinnamon - Ginger - Burdock Flower - Cloves - Oregano - Fennel - Cayenne Pepper - Black Pepper Now I need to say that I don’t use the product nearly as much as I used to. That’s not because I grew tired of the tea. The truth is the cravings just don’t hit me as powerfully as they once did. Wondering why? It’s simple. Once you stop smoking, nicotine cravings lessen in both frequency and intensity as time goes by. See this [Smoke-Free page](https://smokefree.gov/challenges-when-quitting/managing-withdrawal/understanding-withdrawal) from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to learn more about withdrawal. You may read other reviews on the web where people say the product is a rip off because cheaper teas provide the same experience. In fact, I’ve even seen some reviews where it has been suggested that Quit Tea is nothing more than a powerful somatic hoax involving psychological trickery. All I can say is this has not been my experience. If you are wondering the cost of Quit Tea, you can head over to [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3okw9F4) to check prices. Plus, even if the tea is all about the power of suggestion, I really wouldn’t care. When it comes right down to it, I need something that is natural and works. Well, there you have it. My quick review of Quit Tea. Remember, I used this product a lot when I first quit and on the patch. I have no idea how effective it is as a standalone smoking cessation device. You may be wondering if I still drink the tea and if so, how much? The answer is yes, I’m still using it.  But instead of downing 3-4 cups a day, I’m only drinking two (give or take) a week. **Related:** [Stopping smoking requires more than a patch](https://guycounseling.com/quitting-smoking-pills-patches-1221/) Have you tried Quit Tea? Using it now? What has been your experience? Be sure to share in the comments section below. There are a lot of people who would love to read what you have to say – good and bad! Thanks for stopping by. **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Addiction, Nicotine, Smoking, Tea --- ### [How To Reprogram Your Anxious Brain](https://guycounseling.com/reprogram-your-anxious-brain/) **Published:** December 1, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![reprogram anxious brain mind](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/man-calm-anxiety-nature.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Reprogram Your Anxious Brain](#Reprogram_Your_Anxious_Brain) - [What Causes Anxiety?](#What_Causes_Anxiety) - [Amygdala and Hippocampus](#Amygdala_and_Hippocampus) - [Fight, Flight, Freeze](#Fight_Flight_Freeze) - [Four Squared Breathing for Anxiety](#Four_Squared_Breathing_for_Anxiety) - [Tapping For Anxiety – Bilateral Stimulation](#Tapping_For_Anxiety_%E2%80%93_Bilateral_Stimulation) - [Re-Wire Your Anxious Brain Book](#Re-Wire_Your_Anxious_Brain_Book) ## Reprogram Your Anxious Brain What’s up everyone and welcome – or welcome back – to episode 39 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host Dr. John Moore and if you have not already done so, please hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. And quick disclaimer – this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling and I’m not your personal therapist. Alrighty – let’s get into today’s topic – **How to Reprogram Your Anxious Brain.** - Do you struggle with racing thoughts? Does it sometimes feel like you can’t turn your brain off? - Have you experienced moments where your nerves felt so shot that you felt like you were crawling out of your skin? - When you think about meeting new people in social settings, like at a bar or a party, does it make you feel nervous? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. Here’s the thing – when left unchecked, anxiety can wreak havoc on the mind and body. In fact, it can even cause some people to experience extreme feelings of panic. You know, over the years, I’ve worked with thousands of people as a counselor and mindset coach and I’m here to tell you the topic of anxiety comes up **frequently**. People want to know what it is, where it comes from and how to deal with it. ## What Causes Anxiety? So, let’s get right into the answers. Anxiety – in the general sense, comes almost **entirely from your thoughts**. Notice I didn’t say exclusively from your thoughts because that’s not exactly accurate. In fact, we know from lots of research that some [forms of anxiety](https://www.healthline.com/health/chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain#symptoms) can be traced to chemical imbalances – and I’ve linked to an article from Health Line in Show Notes that gives you more information. With that said, for the vast majority of people, anxiety is almost entirely driven by your thoughts. And that’s a good thing if you reflect on that for a moment because it means that you have the power to change your thoughts – and ultimately, your anxiety. And that’s exactly what I’m going to teach you to do in this podcast – how to shift your mindset from a place of fear to a place of confidence. Almost always, anxiety is a worry that you may hold about something in the future. Examples include giving a public presentation, how you might come off on a first date, or being interviewed for a new job. Again, these are examples and as you listen to my voice, you probably can throw in a few of your own. Now I’m telling you this because as human beings, we have been gifted with the ability to imagine the future. It’s that place where creativity resides, and new beginnings are possible. That’s pretty cool, don’t you think? The problem is that for some of us, there can be a flaw in what regulates our imagination because we are wired to think about the negative. Think about it for a minute. When you are worried about something connected to the future, you never ruminate on something amazing happening. It’s not like you say to yourself – “Oh, wow, I can’t get this thought of me giving this amazing presentation out of my mind” or “Oh man, I’m really struggling today because I keep seeing myself making a good impression with this stranger I’m about to meet from this dating app. Am I right? Of course, it’s not this way. Instead, your mind does something like this: “I’m worried that I’m going to screw up this presentation I’ve got to give” or “What if I go on this date and she thinks I’m boring?” Can you relate. And as I’ve said on many past episodes, perception is projection. Let me restate that again – perception is projection. This is why if you aren’t aware of your thoughts and don’t feel in control of them, things can start to derail quickly. I encourage you to go back to [episode 31](https://guycounseling.com/combatting-negative-self-talk-31/) to learn more about this topic of derailment. ## Amygdala and Hippocampus And so, what is going on in your head? What’s up with that glitch thing I just mentioned? Well, the answer can be found in human adaptation and it’s rooted in two parts of the brain. The first part is the amygdala and the second is the hippocampus. Let’s talk about the amygdala for a second. The amygdala is an almond shaped area of your brain where information gets processed to keep you safe. It’s a throwback to our cavemen days guys – think of it as your very own internal alarm system. As an aside, it’s the same place where you tap into your inner voice – or that sense of intuition. So, what information gets fed into the amygdala? Well, a lot of it is sensory, like what you see or hear. But thoughts – meaning your thoughts – also get funneled into this part of the brain, which have a direct impact on how – and what – you feel. Let me tell you a quick story to help drive home this point and it’s one I hinted at in episode 35 when I talked about [how to get out of a funk](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-get-out-of-a-funk/). [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1626251134&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1626251134/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1626251134&linkCode=am2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=90813690d3f364abeab030d868db91a7)Are you ready? The year was 1985 and I was on a camping and canoeing trip in the Northern Woods of Wisconsin in a place called the Turtle-Flambeau Flowage. It’s a beautiful part of the state, way up North in Iron County. Now folks keep in mind my camping buddies were people I went to military school with. We were up in those woods because that’s where the school sent us to keep our butts away from the dangerous summer streets of Chicago. And I’m mentioning this because a few of us had very little experience with camping and even fewer experiences with what to do if we ran across a wild animal. Anyway, one day all of us were hanging out around the campsite and feeling kind of bored. That’s when we decided to do some exploring and take a hike in the woods. If you’ve ever been camping, you know what it’s like. You want to get up and see things, right? Anyway -there we were, hiking through the woods and taking in the scenery. Well, low and behold about 20 minutes into it, we ran across this huge Black Bear. And when I huge, I mean huge and let me tell you, she was not at all happy we had stumbled into her territory. And accompanying her were two of her cubs, which couldn’t have been more than six months old. I can still remember those little babies standing behind their momma as she stood guard. ## Fight, Flight, Freeze So, most all of us in our group – and there were maybe six of us, stopped dead in our tracks and frankly started to freak out a bit. In clinical terms, this is called **fight, flight, or freeze**. You know what I’m talking about? It’s that primal thing in the brain that is designed to keep you safe. Now, at some point all of us instinctively knew that our best bet was to tuck tail and run the hell out of there. And that would have been a great plan, except one of the guys in our group – we’ll call him Joe – thought it would be a smart idea to pick up a big ass pinecone and throw it at the momma. Why he did that I have no idea. Maybe that was the “fight” part of Joe kicking. Who knows? It was still a stupid thing to do and to this day I still give him crap over it. Anyway, let me tell you, after he threw that pinecone at momma bear, she got pissed – like real pissed. Now the rest of what happened is a blur to me, but I can tell you that all of us ran our asses off through those woods and a few of us were screaming like little girls. I’m not naming names here but I think you get my drift. Now obviously nothing happened because I’m still here and from time to time, this story comes up with my buddies as the stuff of lore. But here’s the thing. Whenever I am in the woods now, I am always on guard for animals in the woods. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not a phobic response. It’s not like I won’t go into the woods because the truth is I love camping. But I am saying that I’m hypervigilant when I’m in any woodsy environment because of that incident. Now tuck that story into your pocket for a minute because we’re going to switch gears and talk this other area of the brain called the hippocampus. ![rewire anxious brain](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man-mindfulness-based-meditation.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Rewire brain for calmness So, what does the hippocampus do? Well, to make a long story short, the hippocampus is the part of the brain that encodes threating events into memories or subconsciously into stories. In fact, it is the same part of the brain that tells me whenever I’m in the woods, I need to be on the lookout for wild animals – particularly black bears. You see, my hippocampus remembers what happened back in 1985 on that camping trip and has been infused itself into my neural network. Now, you may be wondering – what does this have to do with your personal anxiety. What does this have to do with you being afraid of speaking in public, meeting new people or struggles with confidence. It’s quite simple. It’s all about your thoughts. Remember when I said earlier that almost all anxiety can be traced to what you think is going to happen in the future? Well, that’s what I’m talking about. If you think you will be rejected and think you will fail, you are literally training your amygdala to have that fight, flight or freeze response whenever that anxiety provoking event comes up. And to make matters worse, you are programming your hippocampus to contain fear-based memories that get deeply embedded into the subconscious. Now I bet you are thinking, “Wait a minute Dr. John. How can the hippocampus hold memories of something that hasn’t really happened?” Well, here’s the thing. Your subconscious mind doesn’t have the ability to discern reality from fiction. It doesn’t operate that way. It is devoid of time and space. All it knows is the story it has been fed or the movie that is currently playing on the reel. Make sense? So, what can you do about this? How can you reprogram your mind to dial down that anxiety and create change? Well, the first thing you can do is to engage in creative visualization. Now notice I didn’t say meditation. In truth, creative visualization is a form of meditation but I’m purposely not suggesting this because some people struggle with quieting the mind long enough to meditate. So instead, I want you to create an alternative story in your mind that allows room for a success outcome. Here’s an example. Instead of training your brain for failure about that first date is going to amount in a big fat failure, because you keep asking yourself, *What if she doesn’t like me* or *what if I come off as uninteresting*, create a narrative instead that tells the story of you being interesting – that tells the story of you being magnetic. By doing this, you are reprograming your mind to step back from the fear. To step back from the anxiety and instead, step into a place of success. You are literally retraining your response from one of fear and dread to one of calm confidence. You know, when clients come to me with their specific fears and worries, I will listen to them with a compassionate ear. But here’s the thing – they aren’t working with me to experience catharsis. Instead, they are working with me because they want concrete tools to create change. So, here’s a creative visualization exercise I’d like you to right now or when you are in a place that where you can do this privately. First, ask yourself what you are anxious about. Let’s say your nerves are wrecked because you’ve got to give a presentation to your boss, along with your coworkers. So, what are you afraid of here? Well, for our purposes let’s say you are afraid of stumbling over your words and coming off as some kind of idiot. OK, so that’s the fear. What I’d like you to do is close your eyes. Take in a deep breath. Let your mind clear for a moment until you only see darkness. As you do this, imagine for a moment there is a green neon circle around the center of your chest. Keep breathing in and out. With each inhalation, imagine that green neon circle increases it’s intensity and with each exhalation, the brightness decreases. And I’d like you to do this for approximately sixty seconds. The goal here is to create a sense of peace and allow space to reprogram the amygdala and hippocampus. Now once you’ve done this, it’s time to create a mental movie in your mind where you visualize yourself giving that presentation in a confident and relaxed way. Just imagine yourself sharing information with others in a calm, confident and relaxed way. Imagine others feeling connected to you as a person and even a bit captivated. Imagine after the presentation that people clap and your boss says something like, “Well done – you did a great job”. The movie in your mind doesn’t have to last more than one minute. The goal here is to yank out that old fear-based stuff, which may or may not be based on reality, and reprogram it with a new movie – a new vision for the future. And the more you replay this movie in your mind, the more you are conditioning the amygdala and hippocampus. In just a moment, I’m going to tell you about some other ways to reprogram your brain. Hang tight. Alrighty, so let’s get back to practical was of reprograming your anxious brain. Earlier I talked about engaging in creative visualization and how this helps to reprogram the amygdala and hippocampus. But what about situations where the fear response is so sudden and so powerful that trying to visualize your way through it isn’t a possibility. Here’s an example. Let’s say you are on a plane and out of nowhere, the aircraft is rocked by terrible turbulence. Have you ever had something like that happen? It sucks, right? Did your heart race uncontrollably? Were you sweating under your shirt so bad that it became noticeable? Well, when something like that happens, it’s your amygdala kicking in. It’s that reptilian part of the brain that all of us are equipped with. And once you go through something like this, it becomes embedded in the psyche to the point that whenever you get on a plane and experience the slightest bit of turbulence, that flight, fight or freeze thing we talked about goes into overdrive. So, what can you do when a conditioned response comes on so forcefully that it sends you into a panic? Well, there are two things you can do. ## Four Squared Breathing for Anxiety The first is to engage in four squared breathing. I’m going to link to an article in Medical News Daily that walks you through how to do this, so don’t worry about memorizing what I am about to share \[[link to Four Squared Breathing](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321805#the-box-breathing-method)\]. Alright this is how you do it: **Step one**: Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose while counting to four slowly. Feel the air enter your lungs. **Step two**: Hold your breath inside while counting slowly to four. Try not to clamp your mouth or nose shut. Simply avoid inhaling or exhaling for 4 seconds. **Step three**: Begin to slowly exhale for 4 seconds. **Step four:** Repeat steps 1 to 3 at least three times. Ideally, repeat the three steps for 4 minutes, or until calm returns. The idea with four squared breathing is to reset your nervous system so you aren’t in a place of panic. This approach is particularly helpful whenever an anxiety provoking stimulus happens, such as the turbulence I mentioned earlier. And folks, I can tell you that I personally use this one each and every time I fly in the here and now. Get ready for another story. It was the July of 1989. I was on TWA Flight 746 going non-stop from Chicago’s O’Hare to JFK in New York – which was the airline’s International hub back in the day. My ultimate destination was Rome, but I digress. At any rate, this particular plane was a 727 aircraft, which I think some pilots referred to even back then as a tri-saurus because they were so old. Anyway, I was sitting way in the back on an aisle seat. So, to get back to it – at departure time, which I think was around 1 pm, we pulled back from the gate and taxied over to the holding area where all the other planes were waiting to take off. After 15 minutes or so, our flight was finally cleared to make a turn onto the runway. As I tell you this story, I can still remember it like yesterday, right down to the Continental Airlines Super 80 that had taken off just before us. Anyway, we had just become airborne and probably had only 2000 feet of altitude when all of the sudden our plane dropped. And when I say dropped, I mean it dropped a good 50 or so feet. Like it dropped so bad that some of the overhead bins popped open and bags flew out. People were screaming and freaking out bigtime – and I was one of them. To make a long story short, what happened was our aircraft had hit wake turbulence. That’s a fancy way of saying the engine exhaust from the plane that took off just before us – that Continental MD-80 – had disturbed the air in such a way that our plane felt it. Wake turbulence doesn’t happen often, but I can tell you from experience it’s like flying into a horizontal tornado. Now I’m telling you this tory because in the here and now, whenever I fly, the smallest bit of turbulence causes my amygdala to go into panic mode – and trying to visualize something positive isn’t going cut it. What’s that old saying, when emotion is high, logic is low? Well, it’s like that. So, to cope with sudden fear and panic, like during turbulence, I have learned to combine deep breathing with bilateral stimulation. ## Tapping For Anxiety – Bilateral Stimulation And here is how I do it. I place my left hand on my left knee and my right hand on my right knee. I then close my eyes and take in a long, deep breath. I hold it for five seconds and then I exhale. I then ask myself on a scale of 1-10 my anxiety level. Usually after some turbulence, it’s around 8 or 9. Once I’ve got my number, I start tapping from left to right on my knees, alternating from left to right at one second intervals. As I tap, I say in my mind’s eye: I acknowledge my anxiety is present – and everything is going to be just fine. I can become calm.” Let me repeat that again. As I tap from left to right, I say in my mind’s eye: I acknowledge my anxiety is present – and everything is going to be just fine. I can become calm.” Now I do this for approximately one minute. I then open my eyes and ask myself what number my anxiety is at. Usually, it has reduced from something like an 8 down to a five. My goal is to get that number down to two. And so I start the process again, over and over until that number decreases. You may be wondering, “Hey, doesn’t that person next to you think you are a freak? I mean come on Dr. John, they are watching you breath like that and tap. They must think you are a little crazy, right?” Folks, I can honestly tell you I don’t give two-craps about what that stranger sitting next to me thinks. To keep it real with you, on more than one occasion, I’ve ended up explaining what I am doing to my seat-mate and they end up doing it with me. My point in sharing this with you is to teach you how to combine breathing and tapping together during moments when the fear response is severe, and you need something concrete to get through. Have you ever watched one of those nature documentaries? You know, like the ones where the Gazelle gets chased by the Cheetah? Did you notice that if the Gazelle gets away, it takes a moment after the chase to shake itself off? Like it literally trembles and shakes for a moment. That’s because Gazelle’s brain released a boatload of cortisol and adrenaline into system, and it becomes overloaded. That’s what happens to you when experience panic – your amygdala sends a message to your hypothalamus to combat the stress. Make sense? So, the next time you start to feel anxiety coming on, I want you to ask yourself is it coming from my amygdala or is it coming from my hippocampus? If it is coming from your hippocampus, do some creative visualization and re-write the story – rewrite the narrative in a way that moves away from failure or the negative. If it’s coming from your amygdala as part of a fear response, you’re going to have to bypass the thinking part – the creative visualization part – and jump right into action. Here, I am talking about deep breathing and tapping. If you do both of these things over time, you have the power to reprogram your anxious brain. If it helps you to replay this episode a few times to absorb some of what I’ve shared today, go for it. The mind responds to repetition and patterns very well. ## Re-Wire Your Anxious Brain Book I’m also going to recommend a resource to you. It’s a booked called *Re-Wire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic and Worry* by Dr. Catherine Pittman and Dr. William Youngs. I’ve linked to this book on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3FyisIj) for you to check out. So, to recap, you are going to use creative visualization for future based fears and you’re going to use breathing and tapping for panic and worry that comes on suddenly in the hear and now. Man oh man did we cover a lot today, don’t you think? Well, that’s what I’ve got for you today. If you loved this podcast or any of my previous episodes, please do me a favor. Take two minutes out and do two things for me. One, hit that subscribe button. Two, leave a review wherever you may be listening, but particularly Apple Podcasts. I don’t pretend to know all of the ins and outs but apparently, leaving a review helps the pod show up organically in the listings when people just like you are looking for these types of programs. The truth is folks I need your support to help grow this podcast and I’ll be super thankful for your efforts. If you want to reach me, you can find me on my social media accounts. I’m on Instagram and Twitter and Guy Counseling and I’m on Facebook at the same handle. You can also head on over to my website, GuyCounseling.com – and there, you can sign up to get my newsletter. I promise I don’t send a lot of email out and whatever I do send will be short and sweet. Well, there you have it – another show. Make it your goal today to put a smile on someone else’s face. I appreciate you listening and hope you have an amazing day. **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety, Brain, Mindfulness --- ### [10 Smart Things Men Do To Fight Depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) **Published:** February 1, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-with-depression.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Here’s how to kick depression’s butt to the curb](#Heres_how_to_kick_depressions_butt_to_the_curb) - [1. STOP DENYING YOU ARE DEPRESSED](#1_STOP_DENYING_YOU_ARE_DEPRESSED) - [2. DITCH THE BOOZE AND 420](#2_DITCH_THE_BOOZE_AND_420) - [3. START MOVING](#3_START_MOVING) - [4. DITCH NEGATIVE PEOPLE](#4_DITCH_NEGATIVE_PEOPLE) - [5. CHANGE YOUR DIET](#5_CHANGE_YOUR_DIET) - [6. START MEDITATING](#6_START_MEDITATING) - [7. ESTABLISH A ROUTINE](#7_ESTABLISH_A_ROUTINE) - [8. GET A GOAL](#8_GET_A_GOAL) - [9. GET A HOBBY](#9_GET_A_HOBBY) - [10. GET A COUNSELOR](#10_GET_A_COUNSELOR) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## Here’s how to kick depression’s butt to the curb Are you a **man living with depression**? Searching for natural ways to increase your mood that actually work? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. As a counselor who works mostly with men, I know how much it sucks to be a guy with depression. Let’s face it – most of us have been given bad blueprints when it comes to dealing with this issue. You know what I’m talking about, right? Those old axioms – like “real men don’t share their feelings” and “a real man doesn’t complain when he’s feeling down.” BS like that. Sound familiar? Well, I’m here to tell you **real men do get depressed**. In fact, it happens more often than you might think. While the research is someone scattered, current estimates suggest around [10% of males](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db206.pdf) in the United States struggle with this problem. That’s a lot! So, the question is – *what can you do about it?* Folks, I could sit here and list out all of the clinical data about [best treatment options](https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression/Treatment) till the cows come home. But my sense is that’s not what you are looking for. Instead, I’m betting as a guy, you want to find natural ways to address your depression head-on. If I’m right, then I encourage you to read what follows. Now here is the thing – depression is a serious life challenge that requires a multi-prong approach. Thinking it just takes one thing (or one pill) to provide relief is a mistake. Instead, it’s far better to think comprehensively. In other words, it means you’ll need to get your A-game on. Follow me? Alright then. Here are **10 things smart men do to fight depression** that actually work. Check it out. ![Scorpio men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-men-in-love-and-relationships.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Stop denying you don’t have depression ## 1. STOP DENYING YOU ARE DEPRESSED In my experience, the absolute worst thing guys do who live with depression is engage in denial. Here, I am talking about pretending you don’t have depression and buying into bro-myths like: *I should be able to handle it. I’m a man*. I hate to break it to you but it doesn’t work like that. The hard truth is depression doesn’t care about gender. In the case of guys, it also doesn’t give a hoot how manly you are. But here’s what it does care about – winning. In other words, depression **loves** when you deny its existence. Like a hungry beast, it uses your denial to help it grow. If left unchecked, the bastard turns into a MONSTER. And you know what monsters do – they kill. If you want to throw a major monkey-wrench into depression’s plans, you’ve got to stop denying he’s in your life. The moment you do this, his power starts to diminish – big time! And it’s one of the smartest things you’ll ever do. ## 2. DITCH THE BOOZE AND 420 As men, we learn to medicate our emotional wounds in a number of ways. The big ones include booze and sex. And to a lesser or greater degree, 420. As stand-alone activities, there’s nothing wrong with any of these. In fact, they can help some of us get our chill on. The problem is with depression, we’re vulnerable to overusing them as distractions for what is really going on – deep inside. But here is the real deal. Any activity that you get hooked on makes depression worse. And watch out if an addiction develops because it only compounds the problem. If you are using alcohol, drugs, sex, or p\*\*\* (rhymes with corn) to deal with your sh–ty mood, **stop right now**. Instead, [cleanse your mind and body](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) and focus on activities that promote wellness. Once accomplished, you’ll make room for the **healing** you so badly desire. But it ain’t never gonna happen until you decide to say yes to yourself and no to the fake cures. ![man running](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-running.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Start moving – even when you don’t feel like it ## 3. START MOVING Here’s one thing depression hates – movement. In fact, it hates any kind of movement! The little bastard would love nothing more than to have you sit in an easy-chair, feed yourself with chips, gain weight, and feel **miserable**. The longer you remain sedentary, the stronger depression becomes. That may suck to hear but you came here for the real deal, right? Here’s how you put that a-hole in his place. **Get up – move**. I don’t care if it’s just a walk around or around the block or shooting some hoops by yourself – **move**. Man, I’m telling you to make movement happen with everything you’ve got – even when you don’t feel like it. Once you start to make physical activity part of your daily routine, you literally take a hatchet to depression’s head. Yep, that’s right – you chop his ass in half! That’s because depression festers by screwing with the brain chemicals dopamine and serotonin. But when you make movement, [like exercise](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/07/treat-depression-naturally-with-strength-training/), part of your reality, it throws the SOB for a loop! You don’t have to hit the gym every day either. Brisk walking, rope-jumping, jogging, and even stretching can do a lot to help you feel better. Can you dig it? ## 4. DITCH NEGATIVE PEOPLE I’m not going to belabor this point because it should be obvious. If you are hanging around negative people, it stands to reason they are going to have a not-so-positive impact on you. Negative people are easy to identify. They are the ones who live by the motto *I can’t*. They continuously vibe out, *I’m helpless* and they almost **always live in a world of drama and chaos**. If there are people like this in your life – **ditch them**. I know what you are thinking. “What do I do if that person is a relative?” Well, that’s up to you to decide. If you can’t cut the person off, minimize their presence in your life as much as possible. At the end of the day, whose happiness *really* matters? There’s or yours? Get my drift? ![healthy foods and depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/healthy-foods.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Eat more healthy foods ## 5. CHANGE YOUR DIET There’s an old saying: *We are either feeding disease or fighting it*. In the case of depression, which are you doing? For example, are you loading him up with unhealthy, fattening foods like burgers and fries *or* are you kicking his ass with natural eats like fruits and vegetables. Oh yeah, bro – didn’t you know? Your diet has a LOT to do with the intensity of your depression. We know from piles of clinical data that certain foods are [terrible for mood](http://www.eatthis.com/foods-make-anxiety-worse/). Examples include fast-food, salty-soups, cookies, and alcohol. But we also know that other foods have a healing effect. Examples include nutrient-rich [greens, tomatoes, and nuts](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/diet-recovery#1). I’m not saying you have to give up the things that you enjoy. But I am suggesting that the healthy foods need to be part of your daily routine. It really is all about moderation, you know? ## 6. START MEDITATING I can see people rolling their eyes right now as they read this suggestion. “Meditation – isn’t that what girls do?” you might be wondering. Buddy – if you are thinking that, you couldn’t be more wrong. Ever hear of Confucius? He was a dude just like you and he lived in 551 BC. The guy was a teacher and philosopher. And you know what else? **He meditated!** Some people get all jumbled up when they hear the term “meditation” because they think it involves chanting and lighting sage. Honestly, that’s a bunch of BS. Yeah, some people do this but that’s not the majority. Meditation is nothing more than a natural way to promote inner calmness while clearing the mind. I regularly engage in this activity and have found it to be amazing. The great thing about meditation is that it is free! It also is great for helping to minimize another monster – anxiety. You know that one, right? He’s the jerk that screws with your [sense of self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/). If you don’t know how to meditate and want to learn, there are tons of resources online. Personally, I like books that teach things, like an [*Ordinary Dudes Guide to Meditation*](http://amzn.to/2FyMaOo). Try engaging in this activity for 10 minutes each day for a week. You will be surprised at how you feel. Guaranteed. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/man-flexing.jpg?resize=624%2C370&ssl=1)Create a routine ## 7. ESTABLISH A ROUTINE Depression loves it when he can set up camp in your mind. Like an unwelcome guest, he starts using you without regard. And the less you have to do with your day, the more of a foothold he takes. But there is one way to kick his butt to the curb. **Start a routine.** You may be wondering why? It’s simple. When you have a routine, your mind is focusing on the activity at hand. Boy does depression hate that. Oh, he’ll try to screw with you by making it difficult to concentrate. But if you keep at it, he eventually shies away. Conversely, if you aren’t doing things regularly that involve mental or physical stimulation, he takes over your s-—t like a bad relative. Routines are easier to establish than you think. We’re talking basics here man. Like getting up around the same time each day and going to bed in the same way. Scheduling physical activity into your morning, eating at specific moments, going to work, etc. Do you get my drift? Now don’t confuse having a routine with keeping busy. While similar, they aren’t the same. The goal here isn’t to distract you form your troubles. Instead, **a routine helps to prevent depression from grabbing hold in the first place**. ## 8. GET A GOAL This one is big – like massive. You’ve got to have a goal in your life. It doesn’t matter what that goal is. It could be saving money or losing weight. **The point is to get a goal – any goal.** Here’s the deal with goals. When you focus on them – you bring meaning to your life. **Meaning is the very thing depression wants to rob from you.** That’s why it’s so important to have at least one. I could go on forever and a day about the differences between small goals and big goals and creating a plan for success. But do you really want to read that? My sense is that right now, you are looking for the big picture. If you need more insight on this topic, you can always visit this page on [SMART Goals](https://www.mindtools.com/page6.html). ![man using archery as a hobby to fight depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/man-archery-bow-and-arrow.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Find a hobby you love ## 9. GET A HOBBY You may be reading this and thinking, “Is that dude for real?” The answer is – **you bet I am**. Let me explain why this one is important. By having a hobby, you provide a conduit to discharge pent-up energy.  More importantly, you also give yourself something to look forward to. And did I mention depression can’t stand it when it sees joy on the horizon? It can’t. Man, that lil’ SOB runs for the hills at the first sign of happiness! **This is why you need that hobby – badly!** Hobbies channel personal insight and creativity. They promote inner peace and self-love. They don’t need to be fancy either. Examples include writing, painting, flying a kite or building furniture with your hands. Frequently I am asked: *What if I don’t have a hobby?* Here’s my response: **Find one**. The truth is the journey towards discovering a hobby is part of the healing process. Think of it as an adventure– one that you get to take that’s all yours. Make sense? ## 10. GET A COUNSELOR You knew this one was coming and so that’s why I’ve been saving it towards the end. Long story short, you need someone in your life you can confide in. I’m talking about all that stuff that goes on in your head that you hide from the world. Those dark thoughts – the scary ones. But here is the thing. When you give yourself the **gift of a counselor**, you provide a safe space to discharge toxic material that’s been fueling your depression. Ideally, the professional you choose will be someone you can identify with. Gender doesn’t matter but the person’s approach to the healing process does. That’s why you’ll want to look around and find the best person to fit your needs. I’m not going to write out all of the things you need to look for in this person. If I did that, this post would never end. At a minimum, make sure they hold a mental health license and are trained in treating depression. If you aren’t sure where to start looking, just head on over to websites like Psychology Today or Good Therapy and you’ll find many options. ## Bringing It All Together You are a man who happens to be reading this post because you struggle with depression. **But you are still a man**. And you become even manlier when you do what is necessary to take care of yourself. If you are looking for more information on how to push back against depression, I highly recommend a book by Dr. David Burns called [*Feeling Good*](http://amzn.to/2E3MJlX). It’s an excellent resource to call upon for insight and natural ways of coping. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope what’s been shared here was helpful. — Read this [article about depression](https://guycounseling.com/7-types-depression-might-surprise/) if you are interested in learning more about this topic. If you are concerned that you may hurt yourself, please call 800-273-TALK, or one of these numbers for international readers (choose your country from the [drop-down list](https://www.befrienders.org/directory)). **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem --- ### [What To Know About Cluster Headaches and Men](https://guycounseling.com/cluster-headaches-and-men/) **Published:** November 23, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![men headache](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/man-headache.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men and Cluster Headaches Have you been having strange headaches that seem to appear out of nowhere? They’re very painful but only hurt on one side of your head. By the time you reach for the medicine cabinet, the pain is already gone. Well, you might be experiencing cluster headaches. This isn’t a migraine; a cluster headache doesn’t last as long as a migraine and it tends to come with shooting pain on just one side. Only 1 in a thousand people experience cluster headaches, but that will come as little comfort if your head feels like someone is drilling a hole through it. Cluster headaches can be cyclical, and they affect men more than women. The ratio between the sexes is about 3 to 1. That doesn’t mean that women can’t have cluster headaches, too. It’s just that men experience them more often. There are also certain lifestyle habits that make men more prone to cluster headaches than women. In a [key study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6882735/) conducted in 2019 that looked at cluster headaches in both men and women, researchers found distinct differences in the way that cluster headaches manifest. For women, most of their symptoms were akin to symptoms found in migraine headaches – nasal congestion, long duration, and changes in sexual hormones. For men, the symptoms were more typical for cluster headaches. Men who suffered from cluster headaches also had a positive correlation with smoking and snoring. Here are a few ways to recognize a cluster headache and some treatment options if you’re one of the men who experience them. ## Triggers for Cluster Headaches If you like to exercise outdoors in the mid day sun, then you’re at risk of cluster headaches. Extreme heat and exertion seem to increase your chances of having them. The same is true for hot baths and saunas. If you’ve noticed that you have a sharp pain on one side of your head after a mid day jog or after a hot shower, then you should make some changes to your routine. Other triggers for cluster headaches are linked to your vices. Men who smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, and use cocaine are more likely to experience cluster headaches. You should use these substances in moderation or avoid them all together, especially if you know that you’re prone to cluster headaches. Other triggers for cluster headaches are bright lights, high altitudes, and processed foods that contain nitrates. So, keep this in mind if you’re taking a flight, eating at restaurants frequently or attending a live event with lots of bright lights on display. **Related:** [High Altitude Psychosis a Standalone Medical Illness](https://guycounseling.com/high-altitude-psychosis-12143/) ## How Do You Know if You’re Having Cluster Headaches? Cluster headaches usually come in bunches. You’ll have a sharp pain on one side of your head or directly behind one eye. It will last for about 1 or 2 hours and then go away. Later, the pain will return again the exact same way. This can happen over a span of several days or multiple times in a single day. Cluster headaches are sometimes confused with migraines, but the symptoms are a bit different. With cluster headaches, you’ll have very sharp pains in localized areas of your head. Migraines are spread across a wider area. Migraines tend to last for long periods of time, but cluster headaches are short lived. People with migraines often like to lie down but lying down when you’re having a cluster headache tends to make the pain worse. Migraines usually come with an aura, which is an alteration of visual perceptions before the migraine. With cluster headaches, there’s little to no warning. Here are a few more common symptoms. - Stuffy nose - Watery eyes - Sudden, sharp pain that can make you dizzy - Sweating - Swelling around the eyes - Restlessness and anxiety ## How Can You Treat Cluster Headaches? The most obvious ways to treat cluster headaches is to quit smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. You can also avoid exercising or doing strenuous activity during the peak heat of the day. These are some of the most common causes and you can minimize your risk for getting cluster headaches by adjusting your lifestyle. **Related:** [How I Quit Smoking in Just 4 Weeks](https://guycounseling.com/quit-smoking-four-weeks/) If you are experiencing a cluster headache attack, then try to get some fresh air. Open all your windows and take some deep breaths. For quick relief, you can also inhale oxygen through a mask at 7 to 10 liters per minute. This will cause your symptoms to subside in as little as 15 minutes. There are some medications that treat cluster headaches. You can take Dihydroergotamine**,** Octreotide, or Lidocaine. Before you take any prescription medication, be sure to consult with your doctor for the best treatment option. Never take medication without your doctor’s consent and advice. Some men confuse cluster headaches with migraines or just plain stress. However, stress isn’t related to cluster headaches and migraines affect people in a different way. Cluster headaches are rare, but they affect men more than women. Researchers are unsure of exactly why more men experience cluster headaches, but there could be a link between alcohol and abnormal sleeping habits. So, be sure to get plenty of rest and avoid alcohol if you’re having a period of cluster headache attacks. Take notes about your cluster headache periods. What were you doing before it happened? What kind of foods were you eating or the types of activities you were engaged in? This can help your doctor create a treatment program that works best for you. If you are experiencing cluster headaches, make sure you get some fresh air and tell someone what’s happening. The pain might get so severe that you can’t help yourself. So, be sure to communicate with your support network of friends and family about what to do if you’re experiencing cluster headaches. Lastly, if cluster headaches are making you anxious or depressed, seek professional counselling to find solutions for promoting better mental health and wellness. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** headaches, stress, wellness --- ### [Hockey Goalie Carey Price Speaks Out About Mental Health](https://guycounseling.com/carey-price-speaks-mental-health/) **Published:** November 17, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![carey 2](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/carey-2-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Carey Price and Mental Health Star goalie for the Montreal Canadians, Carey Price, came out of rehab with a bold statement regarding mental health. In October 2021, Carey Price announced on Instagram that he was checking into a residential treatment facility for substance abuse. After successfully completing a 30-day program sponsored by the NHL, Price left the facility on November 6th. At first, there wasn’t much news about the details of Price’s addiction or compulsion problems. Yet, it was later revealed that the Habs star goalie wasn’t using drugs or alcohol. Price was being crushed under the weight of mental health problems. After knee surgery, physical rehabilitation, and his team’s loss in the Stanley Cup finals, Carey Price had a mental health breakdown. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CRNOwbkADgn/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) When celebrities and athletes go through a public crisis, they usually have two options. They can either engage in carefully orchestrated PR damage control or they can put all their cards on the table and use their story to foster positive change. Carey Price took the high ground and spoke about the underlying cause of his breakdown – mental health. Price stated in plain language that he had been neglecting his mental health for a long time. He also mentioned what the effect of that neglect had on his personal life. Finally, he encouraged others who suffer under the weight of mental health problems to ask for help. The full statement that Price submitted to the [NHL](https://www.nhl.com/canadiens/news/statement-from-carey-price/c-327752596) is given below: *“Over the last few years I have let myself get to a very dark place and I didn’t have the tools to cope with that struggle.* *“Last month I made the decision to enter a residential treatment facility for substance use. Things had reached a point that I realized I needed to prioritize my health for both myself and for my family. Asking for help when you need it is what we encourage our kids to do. And it was what I needed to do.* *“I am working through years of neglecting my own mental health which will take some time to repair; all I can do is take it day by day. With that comes some uncertainty with when I will return to play.* *“I appreciate all of the overwhelming support and well wishes. I please ask that the media and our hockey community continue to respect our privacy at this time. Your support and respect of this so far has been a critical piece to my recovery.”* **Related:** [7 Reasons Men Seek Out Therapy ](https://guycounseling.com/7-top-reasons-men-seek-therapy/) Where other celebrities and athletes have dodged the issue of underlying mental health, Price chose to bravely stand up and inspire others to dig deeper. The usual approach for public figures is to label their particular issue whether it be substance abuse or a mental health condition and share a statistic about how many people suffer from that same condition. In a sense, this is their attempt to hide themselves among the sea of people who face the same issue. Carey Price put the spotlight on himself by making a personal statement about his struggle and what he was doing to handle it. Price’s statement avoided catchy buzzwords and hashtags. The result was a statement that was relatable and intimate without needing to go into much detail. Professional athletes are seen as strong, brave, and resilient figures who power through any adversity. Yet, sports stars are human beings who sometimes falter. According to [statistics](http://www.athletesforhope.org/2019/05/mental-health-and-athletes/) from Athletes for Hope, a staggering 33% of professional athletes experience some form of mental health crisis during their lifetime. Physical injuries are more obvious. You see that player in crutches or being seen after by trainers. Yet, you can’t always see the effects of a mental health crisis. There’s a stigma about mental health in professional sports that is just now starting to change. The NHL is having a bit of a renaissance moment with players like Carey Price and Kyle Beach bravely speaking up about trauma, abuse, and mental health. Carey Price has played with Montreal for 14 seasons. He’s their star goalie and led the league in 2015 for save percentage. He’s been the league’s MVP and a member of the All-Star team. Price has been in the spotlight for more than a decade. He’s suffered successes and setbacks. By publicizing his journey with handling a mental health crisis, Price opens the door for more players to prioritize their mental health, as well. Carey Price’s team, coaches, and fans have been supportive of his current struggles. He has returned to the ice for practice drills with Montreal but there hasn’t been a clear statement on when he’ll return for official game play. If you’re an athlete or anyone who struggles with mental health issues, don’t hesitate to take Carey Price’s advice and seek help. You can share your story on social media or contact a close friend that you trust. If you are looking to experience counseling with a professional from the privacy of your home, consider [Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj). **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Depression, Hockey, Mental Health, NHL --- ### [7 Reasons Men Seek Out Therapy (E37)](https://guycounseling.com/7-top-reasons-men-seek-therapy/) **Published:** November 3, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man phone therapy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/man-phone-therapy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why Do Men Go Into Therapy? Hello and welcome or welcome back – to episode 37 of the of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore, and I’m a licensed mental health therapist out of Chicago, Illinois and I also teach college courses in psychology and business. Before getting into today’s content, please be sure to hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. And folks, if you’ve ever gotten any value out of this podcast, do me a favor. Head over to Apple podcasts and give us a review – it only takes 30 seconds, and it really helps the podcast to organically so that other men – just like yourself – can find it. OK – so, today, I’m going to be giving you the top seven reasons men secretly seek out counseling. The reason I decided to do this show is to make good on my promise to create a pod after episode 36 where I went over [7 things women secretly say about men in therapy](https://guycounseling.com/7-things-women-say-men-therapy/). As we dive into things-, now would probably be a good time for me share my standard disclaimer so here it goes: This podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling and I’m not your personal therapist. Alighty – let’s jump right into it – the top reasons men seek out therapy. I can tell you right now that in the nearly 20 years I’ve been doing counseling, it’s almost always connected to love and romance. I’m not saying that’s true for everyone, but I am saying that when you peel back the onion a bit, you’ll find relationships somewhere lurking in the background So, we’re going to talk about that. We’ll also hear from a listener who wrote me about his need to drink alcohol before going out on a date. Is this something you an relate to? Do you pound a few down in order to socially lubricate? If so, we’re going to talk about it. As you can see, we have lots going on in today’s show. Stick around! ## Why Men Get Counseling Revealed Have you ever wondered why some men seek out therapy? Is there a part of you who is thinking about working with a counselor but not sure if its right for you? Well, I can tell you now that you aren’t alone. In fact, one of the first questions I get when someone initially reaches out for guidance goes something like this: *Hey Dr. John – do you get other men coming to you with these types of issues?* And so that is what today’s show is all about – helping you to understand some of the major reasons guys seek out therapy. My hope is to universalize the experience with the goal of stigmas. Now before I go over my top 7 reasons men seek out therapy, I need to state right now that everything that follows is based on my personal observations. And the reason I’m saying this is because I recognize there are other helping professionals who are listening who may have a completely different set of experiences than I do. I respect that big time. With that said, in creating today’s pod, I did consult with a group of therapists who specialize in men’s issues. And I can share with you now that all of them – and there were 10 – agreed with the general themes I’m about to go over with you. OK, let’s get right to it. Here’s the first one: Table of Contents Toggle - [1. Confidence](#1_Confidence) - [2. Feeling Stuck](#2_Feeling_Stuck) - [3. Loneliness](#3_Loneliness) - [4. Intimacy in Relationships](#4_Intimacy_in_Relationships) - [5. Stress Management](#5_Stress_Management) - [6. Depression and Anxiety](#6_Depression_and_Anxiety) - [7. Performance anxiety](#7_Performance_anxiety) ### **1. Confidence** By leaps and bounds, confidence – or self-confidence, is the biggest reason men seek out help. It was just the other day I got a call from a thirty-something year old man who wrote me an email and said: *Hey Dr. John, I’ve been having problems working up the nerve to put myself out there on the dating apps. Do you help people with these kinds of issues?* Now notice this person didn’t say “confidence” per se, but instead talked about working up the nerve to get on the dating apps. That’s a confidence issue – at least to me. What’s more, the issue itself is linked to love and romance, because why else would you want to be on a dating app – know I mean? So, that’s number one. Can you relate to this one? ### **2. Feeling Stuck** This particular reason is another biggie in terms of men seeking out guidance. Typically, a guy will contact me and saying something like: *I feel sort of directionless and am having problems reaching my goals. Is this something you can help with*? In response to this type of counseling request, I always ask the person if they know what their goals are. Nine times out of ten, the guy will respond with something like: *That’s the problem, I’m not sure what they should be*. Is this something that can relate to? If so, you aren’t alone. We live in a world where society suggests that in order to be successful, we need to make a certain amount of money, drive a specific type of car, and look at certain way. And because we are tribal by nature, we also have a strong need to “fit in”, so to speak. And I’m gonna say it now – social media doesn’t help. At any rate, when you swirl it all together, it can leave a person, particularly men, feeling like they are stuck. ### **3. Loneliness** Yep, that’s right, loneliness. I can’t tell you how many times I hear from men – both young and old – how lonely they feel. Often times, when such a man reaches out for guidance, he’ll say something like: *I don’t have a lot of male friends I can be real with*. Now look, this isn’t to say that some of these same guys don’t have buddies they go fishing with or catch a ballgame with. They do. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t lonely. Loneliness happens when we don’t have people in our lives to share our ups and downs with or – conversely- to be there for someone else who is having a hard time. At its core, I’m talking about male bonding. I’m not going to go through all of the ins and outs of this one now because male loneliness is a topic that deserves its own podcast. What’s important that you know is that feeling lonely is a big reason men seek out therapy. OK … let’s move on to the next one ### **4. Intimacy in Relationships** There’s no easy way for me to talk about this one except to just come right out and say it. A lot of men turn to therapy because they need help with creating intimacy in their romantic relationships. And here is the thing – a lot of people confuse intimacy with sex. While the two terms certainly intersect, they aren’t mutually exclusive. Make sense? Here is what I typically hear: *Hey Dr. John, how can I be more present in my relationship?* Or *Hey Dr. John, how can I create more closeness with my wife?* And because we are men, it is important to say that as a tribe, we men really don’t get a lot of instruction in this area. So, what happens in therapy – typically – is for men to learn mindfulness-based skills that help them create closeness with their significant other. ### **5. Stress Management** I bet this one comes as no surprise to you. Stress is a major reason men seek out counseling. There are lots of reasons for this, including work and family obligations. Again, no surprise. But what you may not know is that a lot of men don’t know how to cope with stress in healthy ways. That’s not a putdown. Instead, it’s a reality and a big reason they reach out for guidance. I could talk forever and a day about the unhealthy ways many men have learned to cope with stress. Biggies include drinking and eating. But there comes a point when those copings strategies either don’t work anymore *or* cause more problems than what their worth. That’s usually when they reach out – because they want to learn new skills and new approaches to dealing with stress. ### **6. Depression and Anxiety** Ok so this one is no surprise – and many of you listening may be tuning in because you are struggling with this yourself. In my experience, it is rare that men will actually use words like depression or anxiety. Instead, they usually reach out and say something like, “I’ve been feeling down lately, and I don’t know why, *or* I’ve been feeling tensed up and can’t concentrate. Regardless of how their symptoms are described, there is usually a connection – in some way – to intimacy and romance. Examples include not being fully connected to an important relationship or an inability to stay focused. I’m sharing this with you from the vantage point of 30,000 feet and obviously not getting into the weeds, but you get the general idea. Depression and anxiety are very common reasons that men seek out therapy. OK, here is the last one. ### **7. Performance anxiety** As I say that to you, does it the term resonate? I bet for some of you it does. Performance anxiety is the phenomenon whereby a man struggles to achieve or maintain an erection. What’s interesting about this one is that – at least in my experience – men don’t have problems blurting this one out. I don’t know if it’s because we live in an age where advertising for erection medicines is everywhere or if the shame factor isn’t really a factor, but I can tell you that the men who do want help with this problem are very good at stating their issues and are looking for practical ways to work through. Now before I close this block out, I want to mention now that addiction and substance abuse are also BIG reasons men reach out for counseling services. But here’s the thing – when they seek out this kind of guidance, it is usually sandwiched in with one of the previously mentioned seven. I say *usually* because there certainly are men who are looking for this kind of specialized help. When it happens, these same men typically have done their research and realize they need help in this area. I just wanted to mention as a way of information sharing. Alright, let’s quickly recap those top 7 reasons men go into counseling: 1\. Confidence issues 2\. Feeling stuck 3\. Loneliness 4\. Intimacy issues 5\. Stress management 6\. Depression and anxiety 7\. Performance anxiety I’d like you to spend some time reflecting on this list and ask yourself if you are currently struggling with these kinds of issues – in the here and now or recent past? If the answer is yes, did you work with a counselor to help create positive change? If you didn’t, what would it be like to give it a try? Honestly, what do you have to lose? BLOCK C: WEBSITE PROMOTION Section of podcast focused on Men’s Self-care and [Best Podcasts for Men made simple](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/). ## Listener Email – Alcohol as a Social Lubricant This week’s listener email comes to us from a man in Texas who is looking for guidance on his need to drink alcohol before going out on a date. I’ll just read you what he sent to me and then share what I wrote back – at least the paraphrased version. Here it goes: *Hey Dr. John,* *My name is Trevor and I live in Southwest Texas. I’m 30 years old and recently single after a three-year relationship. Recently, I’ve been active on the dating apps and meeting women for very casual dates.* *All of this has been going OK, but I’ve found myself in this situation where I need to have a quick drink before heading out the door. It’s nothing big – just a shot of whiskey or vodka. I do it because it helps me to feel more relaxed and not so pent up.* *I’m don’t think I’m addicted or anything, but I do think it is kind of ridiculous to condition myself with booze so that I can meet someone new.* *Do you have any practical advice you can give me so that I can just be myself on a date without having to reply on alcohol?* *Thanks for your podcast, Dr. John, I’ve listened to them all*. — Alrighty – there you have it – that’s Trevor’s email. Is this something you can relate to? I am thinking some of you can. And that’s OK. Let’s be real – meeting someone new can be difficult and stressful, particularly if you were in a relationship for an extended period of time and now single. At any rate, here’s the response I wrote back: *Hi, Trevor,* *I really appreciate you reaching out and sharing your dilemma. Right off the bat I can tell you that a lot of guys struggle with the same issue you mentioned.* *Part of the reason people use alcohol to socially lubricate is because – at least initially – alcohol acts as a central nervous system depressant. I’d be a liar if I didn’t say it doesn’t create a sense of relaxation – at least in the beginning. The problem is that for most of us, when we start to realize that we are using alcohol just to be in social situations, we are presenting a version of ourselves that doesn’t feel authentic.* *Now look, I’m going to say this right now. Alcohol use isn’t bad and people who occasionally drink aren’t broken people. I’m mentioning this because too many of us label others as an alcoholic without fully understanding the clinical definition. I won’t go into all of that now, but I am providing a link to an article from* [*Medical News Daily*](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/alcohol-abuse) *that does provide a very good overview of what alcohol abuse is and what it looks like.* Given what you shared, I am going to assume you are not an alcoholic and instead, a person who really just uses liquor occasionally as a tool to relax. Here are some things to consider as alternatives to alcohol in the hours before going on a date. One option is to spend time meditating. That may sound silly but I’m being real with you. And when I say meditate, I’m talking about spending 10 minutes or so in a quiet place and stepping into a world of confidence. To help you with this, I am including a link to a podcast I did awhile back called: [*How to create a circle of confidence for mental excellence*](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/)*.* Here, I guide you through a self-relaxation technique that helps to up your self-esteem and generate a sense of inner peace. That’s one option. The second option is to spend time before your date doing a little self-work. Here, I am talking about pulling out a pen and paper and jotting down three reasons why you are a catch. Now don’t fall into the trap of focusing on the negatives.  If that happens, boot that crap out of your mind pronto because that’s your false self-talking. Instead, I’d really like you to focus on those three positives I mentioned earlier. For example, you might write down: I’m funny I’m smart I’m attractive Now let’s just go with that for a moment, for our purposes. What I’d like you to do is take those three traits and create a very quick affirmation about yourself. Here’s what I came up with in less than 60 seconds: *I’m a smart, funny, attractive man who is naturally confident.* See how I did that? I used those three traits and created an affirmation to reinforce the positive along with a desired outcome. In case you missed it, the desired outcome is being *naturally confident*. And I’ll share with you what I tell my clients. Once you have your affirmation, get in front of the mirror and repeat what you’ve written down five times. I’m being totally for real. Look at yourself in the mirror, make eye contact and say to yourself five times: *I’m a smart, funny, attractive man who is naturally confident.* Remember, perception is projection. That’s a $10.00 term from neurolinguistic programming that suggests that how we perceive ourselves and our environment is what we project onto the world. Whatever we project out gets reflected back. The goal here is to change your own self-perceptions, so you don’t rely on alcohol for self-soothing. Yes, that’s kind of woo. I get it. But I think if you try this particular technique, you’ll find positive change is possible. So, Trevor, I hope what I have shared here has been helpful to you. Be sure to write back and let us know how things have progressed. A lot of listeners will be curious. — Well, that’s my response to Trevor. As I close out this block, I’m wondering how many of you use alcohol to bolster your own self-confidence? If this is the norm for you, what would it be like to try something different? ## SHOW CLOSE Wow – that was a lot of information in one podcast, don’t you think? First, we explored some of the major reasons men seek out counseling. Then, we looked at the issue of using dating to socially lubricate before going out on a date. And if you noticed, pretty much everything today was somehow linked to the larger issue of love and romance. It may not have been a direct connection, but when you whittled things down a bit, the link was there. You know, if you have found this podcast helpful, I’d really love it if you hit that subscribe – or follow button. This way, you’ll never miss another episode. And I’m just going to come right out and say it – I need your help with getting this podcast to grow organically so that it gets in front of other men who might benefit from the material we explore here. The best way to do that is to leave a review, particularly a written one, wherever you might be listening. Apparently, the more people who leave reviews and then hit subscribe, the more this show ranks higher in the listings. Can you help me out? I’d really appreciate it. Real quick, I’ll share with you a review a listener shared on Apple Podcasts that made my day. He goes by Joe Unplugged and here’s what he said: *Thanks. Dr. John. I’m 55 and love to learn and grow. Your podcast is refreshingly compact yet filled with positive info. Thanks for the work that you do!* And you see, it is comments like Joe’s that keep me motivated to keep creating these podcasts. I wish that I could make these more regular, but the hard truth is between counseling and teaching, I can’t always do that. But reviews like the one I just read you certainly light a fire under my you know what – so to speak. You can find me on several Social Media platforms. I’m on Instagram @guycounseling – and I’m on Facebook and Twitter at the same handle. Well, there you have it – another show. Be mindful of your inner dialogue. Focus on the positive and keep asking yourself what could be different. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John and this has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Mens Issues, Psychology, Therapy --- ### [What Happens When Positivity Doesn’t Pan Out?](https://guycounseling.com/positivity-doesnt-pan-out/) **Published:** October 21, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![positivity](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/eagle-positivity-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Positivity, Intent and Manifestation Are positive affirmations good for you? What can you do when positive self-talk doesn’t line up with what’s happening in your life? If you’ve ever searched for motivational hashtags on social media or listened to self-help podcasts or spiritual gurus on YouTube, then you’re bound to run into the belief system that revolves around manifestation. It’s an esoteric system of personal development that asserts what you think and speak comes into existence through the power of your faith – faith in the power of the universe to give you what you want and faith in yourself to harness that power. You might’ve heard of the Law of Attraction, the Secret, and other forms of manifestation that permeate the internet. The problem with manifestation is that the deeper you get into it, the harder it becomes to evaluate, prove, and verify. Even the so-called experts of manifestation admit that they’re tapping into another dimension of existence that hardly anyone really understands. Nobody can clearly explain if it works, how it works and why. I’ve dabbled in manifestation, and I think there is definite value in exerting ownership over your existence. By thinking positive thoughts and saying positive statements, it’s possible that you can generate positive outcomes in your life. However, manifestation can lull you into a problematic headspace. What do you do when you’re not getting rich or healthy or successful simply by thinking that you will? ## The Problem with Positive Affirmations What happens to your state of mind when you’ve been spending months telling yourself that everything you need is coming to you effortlessly and you keep on facing the same problems in life? Can you look yourself in the mirror and say that *everybody likes you* when you can’t call on anybody to help you in times of need? Positive affirmations can backfire when you use them to ignore the darker aspects of your existence. They might seem like easy fixes for your problems but relying on them can be harmful to your mental health, especially when better outcomes don’t manifest themselves right away. There is a place for positive affirmations, but that place shouldn’t be a zone of denial. You’re not manifesting a new reality simply by stating it, you’re stagnating your growth and putting your faith in the easiest way out of a problem. That’s just called wishful thinking. **Related:** [7 Ways to Stop Obsessive Thinking](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-stop-obsessive-thinking/)! I used to know someone who swore by positive affirmations. My barber was a Vietnam war veteran and an all-around solid dude. He had a steady clientele of young guys who would come into his barber shop for cheap cuts and plenty of salty stories about his macho life in the Marines. Every time I walked through the door and asked, “How you doing, Gus?” He’d automatically reply, “Better and better every day.” It was kind of like his thing, but one day I noticed that he said it with a distant look in his eye. He didn’t look better. He looked like a train had just run him over. It turned out that his wife had just got diagnosed with cancer. So, I offered my well-wishes and thoughts and prayers and all that stuff, but it all seemed like an empty gesture. Then, I thought about his signature catch phrase “Better and better every day” and it seemed like a hollow statement, too. What if you’re not getting better and better every day? Should you still say positive affirmations, or does it become a lie that does more harm than good? I began to feel as if Gus the barber was avoiding the pain of his wife’s condition by hiding behind that positive catchphrase. I imagine that he’d eventually have to work through the pain and admit that he wasn’t feeling better and better, but Gus was an old-school guy. I was sure that he’d bottle it up inside and keep spitting out that tired old mantra to all his customers. There’s a hard truth involved here. Sometimes, positive thinking doesn’t work. In fact, that’s the subject of a recent episode from the Men’s Self Help Podcast. It talks about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and the courage to heal from difficult situations in life. If you’ve been struggling to see progress from positive thinking, then you should definitely check it out. **Related:** [What If Positive Thinking Fails You?](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thinking-doesnt-work-34/) ## Something Better Than Manifestation In light of what the world just went through with the global pandemic, it’s hard to imagine my barber Gus still saying that he’s getting better and better every day. I gotta level with you – it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re having a bad time. How else can you make changes in your life? That’s one of the reasons why I like Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). It deals with the here and now issues that you’re facing. Instead of telling yourself that everything is fine or trying to unpack a decade of past trauma, you start with what you’re thinking, feeling, and doing right now. Instead of using positive affirmations, you explore simple actions with the help of your CBT therapist that might make a real difference in your immediate situation. CBT challenges your thoughts. Are you really getting better and better every day? If not, what are some simple and immediate steps that you can take to make a positive change. Cognitive Behavior Therapy works well with people who give ear to manifestation because CBT deals with your self-talk and the power of your thought patterns. CBT goes a bit further than simple manifestation because it chooses action plans to create favorable outcomes instead of waiting for the mantra to ring true. It might not be as sexy as commanding the universe to do your bidding, but it is evidence based and scientifically proven to help lots of people. You might feel much better about your future when you don’t leave it in the hands of fate. **Related:** [7 Ways to Combat Negative Self Talk](https://guycounseling.com/combatting-negative-self-talk-31/) If you’ve found yourself having obsessive negative thoughts or feel a negative backlash from manifestation failures, then I’d like to share an amazing CBT resource with you available on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3vzOCzk). It’s a book called *Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Simple Techniques to Instantly Overcome Depression, Relieve Anxiety, and Rewire Your Brain* by Olivia Telford. It’s got a chunky title, but the book breaks down CBT in a simple way so you can use it in your everyday life. ## Final Thoughts About Positivity There is a difference between positive thinking, positive speaking, and positive actions. I’ve found that of the three – positive actions are the most reliable way to create lasting happiness and balance in your life. It’s the only one that deals with the concrete world that we live in, the day-to-day material world that surrounds us. You should think positive thoughts, but don’t use them to conceal your pain. You shouldn’t ignore the negative aspects of your life or pretend that they don’t exist by repeating mantras that have no basis in the facts of your life. You can speak to the mountain if you want, even hope that it moves, but you’ll see more noticeable results by digging. Nothing moves that mountain like a shovel. Positive thinking might set the gears in motion. Positive speech might light the fire that fuels you forward. Yet, it will come down to some form of positive action that makes all the difference in your life. Keep thinking and speaking positive self-talk, but try not to let it rob you of your own objectivity. Look at things as they are while you strive for better outcomes. You’ll arrive in due time. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Affirmations, Mindset, Positive, Positivity --- ### [7 Ways To Work Through a Depressive Episode](https://guycounseling.com/work-through-depressive-episode/) **Published:** September 30, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![beach depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/beach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Recovering from Depressive Episode If you’ve been struggling with depression, time can get really distorted. A couple of weeks can feel like just a few days. While you were healing, the world kept turning. One of the hardest things about coming out of a depressive episode is going back to the regular state of affairs. You’ll probably have to put some things in order once the fog lifts. Sure, you might be feeling better now, but you’re immediately confronted with personal relationships, work responsibilities and other aspects of your life that were neglected. Is your anxiety building up just thinking about it? Rarely do you hear about the difficult work that comes along with recovering from serious depressive episodes. It’s complicated and some men would prefer the comfort of their depression to the pressure of setting their affairs in order. It can feel like a spotlight is shining right on you. Well, don’t head back into the cave just yet. Check out these helpful tips on how to gently rejoin the rest of the world again. Final Steps to Completing Your Recovery from a Depressive Episode **1. Being around supportive people** – You need a strong support system to help get your life back on track. That can be your friends, family, coworkers and therapy partners. You can also find some comfort from a few well-vetted social media friends. You don’t want to let too many people into your private life, but you’re going to need people that you can lean on when times get tough. Tell them exactly what you need from them to avoid any confusion. If you just need some space, that’s fine, but don’t allow yourself to become too isolated. **2. Journaling** – You’re bound to have some emotional moments as you continue your recovery. It can be helpful to write them down. Journaling provides you with a safe space for processing difficult emotions and situations that arise from reemerging into your normal life. Instead of letting unhelpful thoughts well up inside of you, jot them down so that you can release them. The journal becomes a sort of sponge for your sub-conscious mind. You don’t need to hide anything from your journal. It’s a private tool for your recovery. **3. Remodeling or Cleaning** – Many people that endure long bouts of depression often allow their surroundings to descend into chaos. It’s an external metaphor for what you’re experiencing on the inside. So, it can be helpful to clean house or remodel your surroundings to reflect your new start. Just don’t bite off more than you can chew. Avoid the wild mood swings of a big, new challenge. It can gas you out in the end. Just try to keep your room nice and tidy at first. In essence, turn that dark metaphor into a much lighter one. **Related:** [How to Quickly Get Out of a Funk!](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-get-out-of-a-funk/) **4. One at a Time method** – There might be several things that need your attention as you begin to feel better. There’s friends and family relationships to mend, overdue work to tackle, and other taxing interactions awaiting you. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and have a relapse. So, you should go with the one at a time method. Don’t try to juggle everything at once. Just pick a single important task and put all your efforts into it. Once, it’s done you can celebrate that victory. A feeling of accomplishment will give you fuel for the next challenge. **5. Being patient with yourself** – Depression is like a devil on your shoulder that whispers all sorts of self-defeating and harmful words to you. Hopefully, you’ve learned some techniques to combat those invalid thoughts and feelings about yourself. Now, it’s time to be positive and patient. Don’t be so self-critical. You’ve come a long way and you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished thus far. Just be patient with how your recovery is progressing. These things take time and there’s no measurement of how each person should be advancing. Take everything in your own stride. **6. Get Help When You Need It** – So many men battle depression all by themselves and never seek treatment. Getting help is not a sign of weakness. It takes courage to ask for help when things become overwhelming. Luckily, your therapy partners are there to help whenever you need them. Even once your therapy plan has run its course, you can still book new sessions just to get a little boost along the way. That doesn’t mean you’re having a setback. That just means you’re committed to getting better. If you need to speak with someone about depression, contact an organization like [Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj). **7. Take the Proper Medication** – You might be feeling better, but your prescribed medication should still be taken regularly. Your therapy partners are well aware that you’ll have times where you don’t feel like taking the meds. Trust their expertise in this area and keep on your regimen even if you feel better. Don’t become your own healthcare specialist by deciding when and how you’ll take the proper medication. It would be a shame to sabotage your own recovery by not seeing it through to the end. You’re almost there; just stay the course. **Related:** [10 Things Depression Doesn’t Want You to Know!](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-depression-want-you-know/) ### **More Self Care Tips for Dealing with Depression** These are a few major steps in finalizing your recover from a depressive episode, but there’s more that you can do on your own. You can practice self-care by being proactive when it comes to maintaining your own positive outlook on life. It’s perfectly fine to squeeze a pillow, cry it out, or take a long drive to get your thoughts together. You can make frequent trips to local parks to ground yourself and reconnect with nature by taking long walks outdoors. Practice breathwork, mindfulness, and always challenge your negative thoughts when they arise. ### **Final Thoughts on Recovering from a Depressive Episode** A major depressive episode can last for several months. So, don’t expect for everything to get fixed in a few weeks once you’re able to function normally. Everyone’s recovery is different and unlike a sports injury, nobody can tell you just how long it will take. The [National Institute of Mental Health](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression) estimates that 19 million Americans are living with depression. That means you’re not alone in this struggle. Be patient, follow these steps, and the recommendations of your therapy partners to avoid having a relapse. If you are concerned you might hurt yourself or someone else, call 911 now or go to your nearest emergency room. **READ NEXT:** [15 Best Self-Help Podcasts for Anxiety and Depression!](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mood --- ### [What Are The Benefits of a Dream Journal?](https://guycounseling.com/dream-journal-benefits-28/) **Published:** September 28, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dream journal](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/dream-journal.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Dream Journal Benefits: A Closer Look Are you curious about understanding and interpreting your dreams? Then, you should consider starting a conscious dreaming practice. All you need is a dream journal. It’s essentially a notebook or diary for your sub-conscious mind. A dream journal helps you to catch those hidden messages before they slip out of your memory. Dream journals provide you with a way to connect with the inner workings of your mind. You can harness your creativity and find more inspiration in life. Did you know that the DNA structure, periodic table, and Einstein’s theory of relativity all came about from dream journaling? What amazing ideas are you missing out on? ## How Can Dream Journaling Help You? The simple answer is it helps you gain a clearer understanding of who you are. Maintaining a dream journal is like having a conversation with your sub-conscious mind. Once you get started, you’ll be able to recognize certain symbols from your dreams and gain the ability to exercise more control over what happens in your dreams. That’s called lucid dreaming. A University of Lincoln [empirical study](https://www.lincoln.ac.uk/news/2014/08/938.asp) from 2014 found that people who can achieve a lucid dream state were better at solving problems in the waking world. Lucid dreaming gave them better insight and cognitive abilities. A separate[ study](https://www.mpg.de/8869963/lucid-dreams-prefrontal-cortex) found that lucid dreamers have enhanced abilities of self-reflection. Lucid dreaming helped participants in that study demonstrate a greater level of metacognition – the quality of self-awareness. Here are a few more benefits of dream journaling: Proof of Precognitive Dreams – a precognitive dream is a prediction about the future. Some people believe that they’ve seen future events take place in their dreams. Neuroscientists theorize that the brain processes data while you sleep and can predict what’s coming next. You can record details from your precognitive dreams in a journal so that you can verify the accuracy of your personal predictions. Reap Great Ideas from Your Dreams – a dream journal gives you a dedicated place to write down new ideas that come from your dreams. Afterall, dreams tap into your raw creative thoughts. Great business leaders, authors, scientists, and inventors have come up with world-changing new ideas while dreaming. You could develop the next great innovation breakthrough. Healing Past Traumas – Dreams often bring difficult and complex issues to the surface. Unresolved traumas can manifest themselves as reoccurring nightmares. You gain a deeper understanding of these traumas and ultimately move past them by journaling. Jot down how the nightmare made you feel and engage with the disturbing images through the safe space of your journal. Develop the Ability to Interpret Your Own Dreams – You are the best source for interpreting your own dreams. Afterall, the meanings are largely tied to your personal mythology. When you record dreams in a journal, you get to know what certain symbols mean to you. A water dream might carry a different meaning for you than it does for others. So, dream journaling shines a light onto your sub-conscious symbols and archetypes. **Related:** [What Swimming Dreams Mean](https://guycounseling.com/swimming-dreams-interpreted/)s Improve Your Memory by Recording Your Dreams – Dreams always fade away so fast. The details just slip right through your fingertips. However, when you start using a dream journal, those memories stick with you much longer. You’re exercising your memory when you record your dreams and that can help you even in the waking world. Your ability to recall and retain details will show drastic improvements. Gain a Deeper Understanding of Your Own Personality – Even the darkest nightmare is still part of your sub-conscious mind; it didn’t come from somewhere else. A dream journal can reveal aspects of your personality that were previously hidden or difficult to understand. A dream journal gives you a dedicated space to explore the shadow self. Have More Lucid Dreams – When you spend more time focusing on your dreams, the ability to control your dreams is greatly enhanced. By connecting your waking mind and your sub-conscious mind, you promote a conscious dreaming practice. You won’t just be a victim or helpless participant of your dreams, you’ll become the director of what’s happening in them. **Related:** [Plants and Herbs That Can Enhance Dreams](https://guycounseling.com/plants-herbs-dreams-sleep/) ## How to Pick a Good Dream Journal? A dream journal can be any type of place where you record your dreams. You can use a notebook, a diary, even your smartphone. However, a journaling experience works best when you have a particular place that’s just for recording and analyzing dreams. Keep it near your bed or wherever you feel more comfortable writing. The Uplifted Dream Journal helps you to organize your thoughts and write down exactly what happened in your dreams. There are large spaces for freewriting and some categories to help you pull together hidden meanings. It can help you develop the ability to control your dreams and gain skills for interpreting the symbols and meanings of your dreams. You can find the Uplifted Dream Journal on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3kOMika). No matter which method you choose, the benefits of dream journaling are immense. The secrets of your sub-conscious mind are available. It’s your own personal wisdom vault and the power of your dreams is just waiting for you to unlock it. **Read Next:** [7 Steps to Solving Problems with Dreams](https://guycounseling.com/solve-problems-dreams/) **Categories:** Psychology **Tags:** Dream, Dream Analysis, Dream Journal --- ### [7 Things Women Secretly Say About Men in Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/7-things-women-say-men-therapy/) **Published:** September 8, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![7 secrets women men therapy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/man-woods-7-secrets-men-women-e36-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What women say about men in therapy Have you ever wondered what women say about men in therapy? What do they tell their counselor that they aren’t telling you? Are there any common themes? If you are curious about this topic, you’ve come to the right place. In this episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John takes a deep dive into seven common topics that women bring up about men in the counseling office. Some things might strike you as common sense. Other topics might surprise you. As part of this show, you’ll also hear from a man who is tired of being rejected on the dating apps and is looking for guidance. ## Common takeaways from show - Topics women bring up in counseling - Why women like men who have goals - How having a purpose is a turn-on - The importance of self-care ## Resources Mentioned - No More Mister Nice Guy by Robert Glover ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3xE8VvH)) - [How to deal with dating app rejection](https://guycounseling.com/dating-site-rejection/) - [Men’s skin care guide made simple ](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0762415339&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0762415339/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0762415339&linkCode=am2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=f1a5c85531b313e03ab13a9eee386a0b) ### BLOCK B: 7 things women say in therapy about men One of the things I quickly learned in my work as a therapist is how frequently issues like dating and romance come up in the counseling office. Sure, people might call you for help with anxiety and depression, but at some point, issues like love and romance pop up because they’re so connected to like – if that makes sense. And this is true for single folks or for people already in involved with someone, like a marriage. It was just a few weeks ago that one of my female patients shared with me her frustrations with dating. As I jotted down her concerns, it dawned on me that her list was strikingly similar to what many other women have shared with me in the past. Now look, I’m not trying to paint with a wide brush. I realize that what I hear in my office is not representative of everyone and therefore can’t be generalized to the entire population. But I can tell you that based on my personal, unscientific observations, the issues women bring up when it comes to love and romance and vastly different than what I hear from the men. And it’s those differences that served as the inspiration for today’s podcast. Have you ever wondered what women really say that want in a man – at least to a therapist? Well, I’m about to share seven things I’ve heard, behind the closed doors of the counseling office. Again, these are my observations and mine alone. If you happen to be a therapist tuning in, you may be hearing something entirely different, and do not pretend to be the end all be all when it comes to this topic. That said, in preparing for today’s show, I did consult with a group of 10 marriage counselors who – in the general sense – agreed with the themes I’m about to go through. OK, are you ready? Here’s the first one: **1. Intimacy.** No surprise, right? Well, stay with me because this one might be different than what you’re thinking. To bottom line it, intimacy doesn’t always mean intercourse.  In many cases, it’s about the build-up, which comes in the form of affection. And here, I’m talking about the act of consensual touching, like petting and holding. Did you know that when you touch your mate, it causes the release of brain chemicals that help to strengthen your bond? It’s true and I’ve [linked to a piece in show notes from NPR that goes into the science](https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128795325). And I’ll tell you that in the couples work I’ve done, this particular issue – intimacy – is huge because the longer a relationship goes on, the less frequently it sems to happen. On some level, this is to be expected – no doubt about it. But where I’ve seen the problems come up is where there is a void. So, a question I’m going to ask you to think about is what is your definition of intimacy? Does that definition resemble that of your mate’s? Just something to think about – let’s move to number two: **2. Depth and range** At its core, depth and range means having varied interests and being OK with talking about them during conversations. As one marriage therapist I consulted with for this shared: “Women like guys who are OK with going beyond the surface stuff, like current events and sports.” And guys, I’m here to tell you that most of the men I’ve worked with are super smart – but purposely hide this part of themselves because they think won’t fit a masculine construct they’ve bought into. Maybe you can relate? But if you’ve studied stoicism, you quickly discover that a healthy part of masculinity involves embracing our intelligence and interests. I believe it was Marcus Aurelius’ who said: “These are the characteristics of the rational soul: self-awareness, self-examination, and self-determination. It reaps its own harvest. It succeeds in its own purpose.” Are you into things like history, science, or current events? If so, it’s OK to talk about them! What’s more, it’s OK to be curious about topics you aren’t familiar with. Know what I mean? The idea here is to toss all of that nonsense so many of us are taught about what it is to be a man and not become prisoners of the stereotype. The truth is depth and range can be very attractive traits. OK, let’s move on to number three: **3. Romance** So, this is another one that is high on the list. In the beginning stages of a relationship, a sense of romance can happen almost magically, depending on the chemistry. But what I hear from women is that after the honeymoon period ends, the romance fades. This is even more so for married couples. I’ll never forget a client I once worked with named Angela who told me that after she moved in with her boyfriend, the date nights came to a hard stop. I’m paraphrasing here but she said something like, “It just felt like I had become just another thing in his life, instead of something special. Well, as you can imagine, they eventually broke up. My point in sharing this with you is to avoid reaching for the auto-pilot switch. In other words, be mindful of relational maintenance. Do you consider yourself romantic? If you don’t, what could be different? OK, so that’s three. Number four is: **4. Having a Purpose.** You know, it was just a few weeks ago that I was working with a thirty-something year old woman who told me that she was having second thoughts about the guy she’s been dating. When I asked her why, she said something like, “It just seems like he doesn’t know what he wants out of life.” And then she added, “I’ve always been attracted to men who have a sense of where they’re heading.” In so many ways, purpose is linked to confidence, do know what I mean? When you think about the people you’ve been attracted to, how high did purpose rank on your list? Did you find it attractive? If the answer is yes, this may give you an idea of what I’m talking about. Do you know your purpose? If the answer is no, what are you doing to figure this out? OK, let’s look at five: **5. Having Goals.** I’ll just get to the bottom line on this one and say that in the therapy office, women have shared with me they like men who have goals. And not just goals in the abstract, but concrete goals that are actively being worked on. The problem is some of us are afraid to talk about our goals because we think fear it will make us sound silly or stupid. But here’s the thing. Talking about your goals demonstrates your intellectual curiosity and confidence. And hey, your goals don’t have to be lofty. Examples might be learning a new language or learning how to cook. You get my drift. So, here’s a question for reflection: W*hat are your goals?* If you know what they are, do you keep them to yourself or do you talk about them? Just food for thought. Let’s move on to six, which is: **6. Validate but don’t fix.** So, for this one – women have shared with me that they value a man who actively listens and validates. Now that may sound simple enough but if we are being brutally honest, it’s not. And here’s why: As men, we’re hard-wired to fix things. In other words, we’re programed to jump right in and solve problems as soon as they pop up. There’s nothing wrong with this and can come in handy. But as so many women have told me in therapy, “I don’t want my boyfriend to tell me how to fix a problem. Sometimes, I just wish he’d listen and let me vent.” And look, I get it. There are going to be times when you hear the same issues coming up over and over and you want to help them solve it. In these cases, rather than going into fix it mode, it may be helpful to simply say: *It really sucks you’re having to deal with this right now. What can I do to be helpful?* More often than not, what you’ll hear back is something like: *No, I’m OK, but thanks for being here to listen – it feels really good to have your support.* If she does want your help, she’ll likely ask you – and that’s where you can come in with your ideas. I hope that made sense. Haha, Let’s move on to the final one. **7. Self-Care** When you hear me say that term, some of you may be wondering what I’m talking about? Well, at its core, self-care means demonstrating that you value your emotional and physical wellness. Now let me be really clear here. This DOES NOT mean that you need to look like a bodybuilder or some fitness model from Men’s Health. That’s not what I’m suggesting at all. Instead, I’m talking about taking care of yourself wholistically because it shows you value your mind and body. What happens all too often in relationships, particularly over the long term, is that people use their relationship status as an excuse to ditch self-care. The thinking goes something like this: *Well, I’m off the market now so I don’t need to impress anyone.* And while there’s some truth there, we forget that self-care is critical to mental health and physical health. In short, when you take care of yourself, you are likely going to be in a better mood – and that is going to impact a bunch of other areas, such as your libido. Now obviously you shouldn’t be doing this for someone else. It has to be for yourself. But I think you get my point. Self-care is sexy. At least that’s what I hear in the counseling office. You know, as I am sharing this with you now, I am reminded of a woman I worked with named Melissa who told me that she stopped getting it on with her husband because whenever they got busy, she ended up getting injured. The reason? Her man never clipped his toenails. At first, she use to remind him to do it – but after awhile she resented having to remind because it started to feel parental. Does make sense? I’ll leave it there because I sense you get the gist of it. So, there you have it guys – The 7 secrets women bring up in therapy about men. Oh, and hey – I can already here some of you saying, “But Dr. John – guys care about some of those same things. It’s a two-way street.” And here’s my response – yep yep – I completely agree. And that’s why in the near future, I’ll be recording an episode on *7 Secrets Men Reveal About Women With Their Therapist*. When that pod comes out, I promise I’ll be referring back to what you’ve heard here. But you’ll also hear about some major differences. On a related note, I’d like to offer a resource to you right now that may be helpful. It’s a book called: [*No More Mr. Nice Guy* by Dr. Robert Glover](https://amzn.to/3xE8VvH) and you’ll find a link to it in show notes on the Guy Counseling blog. What I like about this read is how the author helps men to become more confident in their identity and show up authentically in relationships. It’s something I’ve suggested to my own patients as homework – and I hope you’ll consider it too. Now before we transition to this week’s listener email, let’s do a quick recap of those secrets: 1\. Intimacy on different levels. 2\. Have some depth and range. 3\. Romance matters. 4\. Have a purpose. 5\. Have some goals. 6\. Validate but don’t fix. 7\. Self-care is key. As you think about this list, how many seemed like common sense? Which ones caused you to pause and reflect? BLOCK C: Skin care guide [Link to free skin care guide for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). ## BLOCK D: Listener Email This week’s listener email comes to us from a man named Pedro who is dealing with an issue that I bet a lot of you can relate to. I’m going to give you the basics of what he wrote, paraphrasing a bit to pull out the high lights. Are you ready? Check it out: — Hi, Dr. John, I started subscribing to your podcast a few weeks ago because I was looking for guidance. My problem is this: I’ve been single for years and have been using the dating apps – it’s the only way to meet people around my location. Lately, I’ve been having some self-doubt. I was dating someone recently for 3 months and everything was going great and then out of nowhere, she told me she couldn’t’ date anymore. Apparently, she had too much going on with work and then said she wasn’t really ready for serious dating. This behavior happens a lot, where it seems like things are going well and then suddenly, they pull the plug. It was just yesterday I went on a date, and everything seemed like it was going great. But when I got home, she sent me a text saying she didn’t feel a connection. Am I doing something wrong? I am putting myself out there, and nothing seems to be working. Thanks so much, Pedro — Alrighty then – there’s Pedro’s email. And you know, as I read the essence of what he sent to me, I couldn’t help but think about how this particular issue seems to come up so frequently in therapy – and maybe as a listener, you’ve struggled with this issue? I’m going to go ahead and read to you what I sent back to this listener, again paraphrasing a bit. *Hi, Pedro,* *Thanks so much for subscribing to this podcast – it means a lot to me. First, let me address the soft underbelly of what you’ve shared because my sense is – at least right now – you are feeling defeated and down.* And I’ll be real with you – it sucks when you put yourself out there and even invest time in someone, only to later be told something like, “Sorry – this isn’t a match” or “You are a great guy but I’m looking for something different.” And because this podcast deals with Men’s issues, I’m also going to say that rejection – because that’s what we’re talking about – hurts – a lot. With all of that said, I think it’s important to tell you that right now – a lot of people are going through Dating App Fatigue, which is sometimes called Swiper’s Fatigue. Essentially, dating app fatigue happens when people turn to the dating apps as a way of medicating feelings of isolation. And this has been particularly true during the pandemic. I’m not saying you are doing this, but I am suggesting that you may be running into this with some of the people you are interacting with. And here’s the deal – dating apps today have almost turned into a social media platform. I hate saying that but it’s true. Moreover, they’ve created a dynamic whereby some people think, “If I just swipe one more time, I’ll find someone better.” Honestly, I long for the days where people met each other in person and spontaneously, but that’s another story. I can share a few things with you that I’ve suggested to my clients. The first is to think about taking a break from the apps. It doesn’t have to be long – like a month. The idea is to detox from it all and clear your mind. The second is to rethink your expectations. Are you going on the apps to meet “the one”? If the answer is yes, that’s fine – but keep in mind that not everyone on Tinder and Bumble is looking for that. Oh sure, they may say that’s what they want – but many are just looking for something way more casual. The third thing I’ll suggest – and this is a biggy, is to change the focus of your thinking. In other words, instead of trying to figure out how you can get a girl to like you, turn the tables. Ask yourself when you are on a date: *Am I attracted to this person? What do I feel when I’m in their presence? Do I feel like this is a match?* Notice those “I” statements. Can you see how doing it this way can change the power dynamic? As I’ve mentioned before on this podcast, perception is projection. In closing, I just want to add here that a lot of people get on those dating apps for personal validation. In other words, they’ve become addicted to being pursued and use the apps as a way of boosting their self-esteem. That may sound shallow but I’m just being real with you. Pedro, I am going to give you a link to an article on the Guy Counseling Blog that offers [7 ways of coping with dating app rejection](https://guycounseling.com/dating-site-rejection/). I hope you’ll check it out when you have the chance. Thanks again for your note and I hope you update us down the road with your situation. Best, Dr. John — So, there you have my response. I really feel for this listener because it’s obvious to me that he longs for a meaningful, romantic connection. Are you struggling with feelings of rejection? If the answer is yes, what could be different in your approach? ## BLOCK E: Closeout So, did you find the topics we explored today to be interesting? We covered a lot of territory – don’t you think? First, we talked about 7 things women bring up in therapy as it relates to men. And as part of the mix, there were even a few questions thrown in for self-reflection. But that wasn’t all. We also talked about the problem of dating app fatigue and rejection – plus how to change your mind set by using “I” statements. Shoot, I think there was even a quote thrown in along the way from a famous stoic. Did you catch it? You know, if you have found this podcast helpful, I’d really love it if you hit that subscribe – or follow button. This way, you’ll never miss another episode. And I’m just going to come right out and say it – I need your help with getting this podcast to grow organically so that it gets in front of other men who might benefit from the material we explore here. The best way to do that is to leave a review, particularly a written one, wherever you might be listening. Apparently, the more people who leave reviews and then hit subscribe, the more this show ranks higher in the listings. Can you help me out? I’d really appreciate it. It was just the other day that a listener XD left the following review on Apple Podcasts: *“I love this podcast – it opened my eyes a lot and self-evaluation is a must.”* See, it’s that kind of thing that just keeps me motivated to record more of these pods. So, thanks for that XD. Did you know there’s lots of ways to stay in touch? Yep, there sure is. You can stop by my website, which is Guycounseling.com and there, you’ll find tons of articles related to Men’s issues. You can also sign up for my newsletter. Just look for the form on the sidebar. Now here’s the thing – I promise that I don’t send out a lot of emails and whenever I do shoot something out, it’s short and sweet. You can also stop by one of my social media pages. I’m on Instagram at Guy Counseling – and I’m also on Facebook and Twitter at the same handle. If you’d like to have a question featured on the pod, feel free to send me a message. Just send your email to  \[mentioned in podcast\] I promise that whatever you send me will remain confidential and I won’t share it with anyone, unless you give me permission. Well guys, there you have it – another show. Here’s a quick shoutout to my sound engineer, Joel, with East Coast Studio. Remember that intimacy comes in different forms. Be mindful of going into fix it mode with a partner. Don’t be afraid to look inward when meeting someone new. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John, and this has been, another episode of the Men’s Self Help Podcast. **Categories:** Podcasts **Tags:** Counseling, Secrets, Women --- ### [How To Quickly Get Out of a Funk!](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-get-out-of-a-funk/) **Published:** August 25, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![how to quickly get out of funk happy man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/how-to-get-out-of-a-funk.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Get Out of a Funk Hello and welcome – or welcome back – to this – the thirty-fifth episode, of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore and I’m a licensed mental health therapist, out of Chicago, Illinois and you know – I’ve been doing counseling now for just about 20-years. In addition to my work as a therapist, I also teach college courses in the areas of psychology and business. Oh, real quick – if you haven’t already done so, I’d love it if you hit that subscribe button, so you never miss another episode. So, I’m really glad you’re here today because we’re going to be talking about something I bet you can relate to: **Being in a funk and more importantly, how to quickly get out of it!** You know what I’m talking about right? That place where you aren’t quite feeling depressed but also not feeling exactly good. Many people call it a case of the blahs. Now before we get into it all, I just want to let you know why I created this [podcast](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/) and it’s this: I started this show because I wanted to reach three specific groups of men: Group one are guys who are all about self-improvement and naturally gravitate towards shows like this. So, that’s group one. Group two are men who may have some experience with therapy, either past or present, and listen to a pod like this to help keep them on track. And then there’s group three: Well, haha – group three are my go it alone types who are never, ever going to come knocking on the door of someone like me, a therapist, to reveal things going on in their life – but – they might just be curious enough to tap on an app and listen to a show because the topic somehow relates to issues going on in their life. But regardless of what brought you here today, I just want to say I’m glad you are here. And if you are a woman listening right now, let me say welcome aboard! The truth is a lot of women smash that subscribe button because they find the content we explore helpful. So welcome. Now quick disclaimer – this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling or medical advice and I’m not your personal therapist. Alrighty – let’s get back to today’s topic: **How to get out of a funk.** Is that something you can relate to? Goodness knows I can. And here’s the thing, if left unchecked, being in a funk can quickly cause you to slide into a rut. And while the two share similarities, they aren’t exactly the same. So, you may be wondering: What’s the difference? Well, **being in a funk** means having a negative outlook with little to no motivation and – in the general sense -typically lasts a few days. Being in a rut, however, is a prolonged extension of a funk and goes on for several weeks. That’s why it’s called a rut – because you’re stuck – literally stuck – in a miserable place you don’t want to be, kind of like a car that keeps spinning its tires forever and a day in the mud but doesn’t move. Make sense? And so, the goal of today’s show is to help you **QUICKLY get out of a funk** so that you don’t slide into a rut. To help you on this front, I’m going to teach you some action steps that are designed to pull you out of that funk and rocket yourself to a different place. Some of these steps come to us from famous psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser – [The Father of Choice Theory](https://wglasser.com/) -and I’ll be getting into that more in a bit. So, we’ll go over that. And we’ll also hear from a listener who is wondering if couples counseling can help save his marriage. Have you ever thought about couples therapy? Curious how the process works? Well, stay tuned because that’s coming up in a bit. As you can see – we’re going to be going over a lot – so buckle up. I’m super glad you’re here! **Categories:** Podcasts **Tags:** Depression, Funk, Mood --- ### [What If Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work? (E34)](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thinking-doesnt-work-34/) **Published:** August 11, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![positive thinking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/positive-thinking-e34-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## The Limits of Positive Thinking Have you ever been told by someone to engage in positive thinking to fix a life problem? Do you avoid thinking about unpleasant life experiences? Have you trained your mind to minimize pain? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Lots of people engage in positive thinking as a lifestyle. But what if positive thinking doesn’t work? Are there any options for coping? It turns out the answer is yes. In this episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores the downsides of negative thinking and helps listeners focus on alternatives. ## Take Aways From Show - The pros and cons of positive thinking - How minimizing trauma and pain can make things worse - The ins and outs of acceptance and commitment therapy - Body image issues in the bedroom - Mirror affirmations ## Resources Mentioned in Show - [Six components of ACT Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in 7 weeks ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Ug6gJP)) - Body Image Workbook by Thomas Cash ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/3dCFPEP)) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1572245468&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1572245468/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1572245468&linkCode=am2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=5e67e9fe369de146c044c7855287341b) ## BLOCK A: Positive Thinking Hello, and welcome – or welcome back, to episode 34 of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m so glad you are here. My name is Dr. John Moore, and I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago, Illinois and I’ve been involved with counseling and teaching for nearly 20 years. In today’s show, which is being sponsored by [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?go=true&transaction_id=1020a86638cf837c44dea6d591bf9b&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=guycounseling¬_found=1&gor=start), we’re going to talking about positive thinking and asking the question: What happens when positive thinking doesn’t work and what to do instead. But before we take a deep dive into that topic, some of you listening may be wondering what this podcast is all about. In other words, why did I start it? Well, here’s the deal – I created this show because I wanted to move beyond the walls of my private practice and reach three specific groups of men. The first are guys who are all about self-improvement and hit the subscribe button because the concepts we explore help them with staying connected to their wellness goals. So that’s group one. Group two are men who may be curious about therapy and follow a show like this one because it gives them a sense of what counseling might be like. Group two is also home to men who are currently involved with therapy – be it one on one with a counselor or as part of a group – and use some of what we discuss here as part of their journey. And then there’s group three. These are my go it alone types, meaning these men are just never, ever, going to come knocking on the door of someone like me, a counselor, to talk about the issues going on in their life. No siree bob – it’s not happening. In fact, for many of these men, I’m about as popular spoiled milk, but to keep it real – some of these same men might just be curious enough to tap on an app and listen to a show because the material somehow speaks to them. Are you a woman listening to the show? Well, welcome aboard! The truth is lots of women subscribe to this podcast because the content helps them to better support the man in their life, like a boyfriend or husband or even a family member, like your dad or brother. But regardless of what brought you here today, I just want to say now right now – I’m thrilled you are here – truly. Just a quick disclaimer – this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for counseling or medical advice and I’m not your personal therapist. Alrighty, let’s slide back into today’s topic: **What happens when positive thinking doesn’t work?** As you reflect on that question, here’s a few more to think about: - Have you ever been told that if you just focus on the positive, everything will turn out OK? - Does it seem like you force yourself to think happy thoughts, only to discover the experience itself falls short? - Do you steer clear of emotional pain because you’ve been taught that men don’t show their feelings? Well, if any of that resonates, join the club – because as a man, I get it. To help us explore all of this more, we’re going to talk about a client I once worked with name Rusty, an Army veteran who needed help because positive self-talk had failed him. In fact, it made his situation worse. So, there’s that. We’ll also explore a listener email from man who describes himself as overweight and can’t have sexual intercourse unless he’s wearing a t-shirt. As you can see, we’ve got a lot going on. Stick around! ## BLOCK B: What if positive thinking doesn’t work? Right now, I’d like you to go ahead and take a deep breath to clear your mind. Allow yourself to imagine that you’re standing alone on a quiet beach, at that magical place where the sea meets the shore. It’s a bright, sunny day and the water is crystal blue. Everything seems so perfect. But as you cast your awareness on the horizon – you spot a giant wave cresting in the distance. As time passes and the wave draws closer, you start to realize that it’s growing taller – so tall in fact that the horizon itself soon disappears. As the seconds tick by, the wave gets even closer, gathering energy with each passing moment. Instinctively, you raise both arms and use your palms to make the stop gesture. And it is at this time that you tap into your secret superpower – the ability to project a massive, gold energy shield made of pure light. Suddenly, the wave is upon you, crashing onto your security screen with enormous power. And for a minute, it seems like you’re able to repel the water back. “It’s working – it’s working” you say to yourself. But as time goes on, the wave’s energy continues to build up. In the blink of an eye, it has transformed into a tsunami. Overcome with exhaustion, your arms give out – and your shield drops. And that’s when the water engulfs you – and everything goes black. — So, how’s that for story telling? Look, I shared this mental imagery with you as a metaphor and its one that I regularly tell my clients. In the symbolic sense, that wave represents something painful from your past. Examples might be a trauma or loss – or deep feelings of shame that you might be holding. So, that’s the wave. The shield symbolizes your ability to keep away the pain – to repel against the bad – which may work for a while – until it doesn’t. And can I level with you? Many of us have learned to craft our shields with positive thinking. In other words, we’ve told ourselves that by simply focusing on the positive, we can keep depression and sadness at bay. Maybe you can relate? I’m thinking now of all the memes you see on social media that say things like: “If you find things to be grateful for, everything will be OK” and “Try looking at the bright side”. **Related:** [50 best podcasts for guys! ](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/) Now hey -don’t me wrong – I’m all about having a positive mindset. In fact, I regularly encourage my patients to lean into gratitude as a coping strategy. But when it comes to something deeper, like complex trauma and loss, trying to force yourself into happy talk can actually make you feel worse. Know what I mean? So, you may be wondering – what are the alternatives? What are the other options? To help get to the answers, I’m going to tell you the story of Rusty. He was a patient of mine from several years ago who came to me because he felt disconnected from life. He was in his late 30’s, married with two kids and worked as a welder. And you know, as I talk about this now, I can still remember the first time he walked through my office door. The guy was all smiles. As we got to know one another, I discovered that he had spent time in the Army, serving several tours of combat duty in the Middle East. During his enlistment, he told me about a friend of his that had been killed in an explosion – something he apparently saw happen up close and personal. Just so you know, I’m purposely not giving a lot of detail here because I want to protect this patient’s confidentiality. But I will tell you that when I asked Rusty if he had ever talked to anyone about what happened, he shook his head and said, “Nope – not really. What good would it do? I’d rather focus on the positive.” And so, at least for a while – I left the topic alone. In the weeks that followed, I came to learn things about his childhood, like growing up in a house where men didn’t talk about their feelings and the women didn’t ask about them. In fact, whenever something uncomfortable did come up, it was usually glossed over with happy talk – comments that only touched the surface. But then one day during a session, I asked Rusty if he could draw a link between his early childhood experiences with emotions and his inability to touch anything related to pain, like the death of his friend. As he sat with that question for a minute, something came over him – something clicked. And it was then he began to cry. And guys when I tell you he cried, it was raw and powerful. But something else happened in that moment – Rusty began to heal. You see rather than deny his emotions happy talk, Rusty started to accept his loss and trauma, realizing how much had been bottled up – deep inside. And I say **accepted** because it is his first step in something called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT for short. Developed by Dr. Steven Hayes in the 1980’s, ACT contains six core processes – and I’m quickly to quickly tick off each one, but know everything that I’m about to say is on the Guy Counseling website and I’ve [linked to this in show notes](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/). **The first is acceptance**. That’s what’s Rusty did when he allowed himself to be vulnerable in my office. **The second is cognitive diffusion**, where a person learns how to lower the emotional intensity of a memory of a feeling so that it doesn’t overwhelm. **The third is being present**, which means being aware of your emotions without going for a “quick fix” to make them go away. **The fourth is self as context** – meaning the person doesn’t allow one experience or one event to define them. **The fifth is values**. For Rusty this meant valuing his own pain and joining a support group for military veterans. **The sixth is being committed to action**. And Rusty did this by owning his emotions and not by wanding them away with denial. So, that’s ACT in a nutshell. Now folks, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that any of this was easy for him or that he didn’t hit snags along the way. He absolutely did. But I will say that over the course of time, the man began to heal. His marriage became stronger, and he began to feel more connected to life. And that wasn’t because of anything I did. Instead, it was ALL Rusty – because he’s the one who chose to be vulnerable and eventually share his experiences with other men. If you’ve found yourself in a place positive thinking alone has stopped working OR if you are interested in living a more authentic life, I’d like to share a powerful resource with you. It’s a book called *Reclaim Your Life: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in 7 weeks.* It was authored by Dr. Carissa Gustafason and I’ve [linked to it in Show Notes](https://amzn.to/2Ug6gJP). Folks, this is a book I’ve used with many of my patients over the years and can tell you right now it’s a game changer. I truly hope you consider. As we close out this block, I’d like to leave you with a few questions: What painful events from your past have you been keeping at bay? How might your life change if you started dealing with them by standing in your truth? ## Block C: Promotion Listeners are told about a special offer with Better Help. Get ten percent off first month of sessions using [this special link](https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?go=true&transaction_id=1020a86638cf837c44dea6d591bf9b&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=guycounseling¬_found=1&gor=start). ## BLOCK D: Listener Email Men Body Image This week’s listener email comes to us from a man living in New Mexico. I’ll just cut to the chase and read what he sent me and after that, I’ll reveal to you what I sent back to him. Are you ready – let’s jump right in! *“Hi, Dr. John – My name is Danny I’m really loving your podcast. In a weird kind of way, it feels like I’m getting a sense of what counseling might be like.* *\[well, thank you for that Danny – OK – he goes on to say\]* *Here’s some background. I’m 27 years old and have struggled with weight my entire life. Over the past few months, I’ve managed to drop ten pounds and keep the weight off by working with a trainer. So, I’m good there.* *But my real problem has more to do with having sex with my girlfriend. It’s not like I don’t want to or that we never get it on because we do. But whenever it does happen, I need to be wearing some type of t-shirt – even when the lights are off.* *I realize this is completely messed up, but the truth is I’m embarrassed at the way my upper body looks, like my stomach and man-boobs. But oddly enough, I’m OK with my lower body.* *What advise can you give me about this? I’m willing to try anything, no matter how “woo woo” as you sometimes say.* *Thanks,* *Danny* — So, there’s Danny’s note. And as you digest what some of what he said, I’m wondering how many of you listening right now struggle with something like this – or at least a variation of it. Before I share with you my response to this listener’s note, well, the essence of it – I just want to say now that body image issues are a frequent focus of conversation in the counseling office. For real. And to be real with you, it’s become even more of an issue in recent weeks with things opening up – post-COVID. Maybe some of you can relate? At any rate, he’s what I sent to Danny – and keep in mind I am paraphrasing a bit here. *“Hi, Danny,* *First, let me say thanks for hitting the follow button and listening to the podcast. Second, congratulations for making the decision to work with a trainer and investing in your health. It sounds like you are on the right track!* *So, let’s talk for a moment about this problem you are having around intimacy and body image issues. While you didn’t come right out and say it, my sense is this has been causing you a great deal of pain and I just want to acknowledge and validate that right now.* *And look – I get this. As men, we put a lot of emphasis around the upper body, like the chest and midsection, because so much of this is tied to masculinity. I’m not saying I agree with this, but I am acknowledging the reality of the world we live in. And it doesn’t help when we see app-driven filtered and slenderized photos of other guys on social media, replete with bodies that seem too perfect to be true.* *With all of that said, you mentioned that while you don’t like your upper body, you’re good with your lower body. That’s important to know for what I’m going to ask you to do next, provided that you are willing.* ***And what I am talking about is mirror work. Yep, that’s right, mirror work.*** *The next time you have some privacy, I’d like you to get undressed and stand in front of a mirror, preferably a wall mirror. This could happen when you get out of the shower, for example.* *As you notice yourself in the mirror, focus your awareness on your lower parts. I know this may be hard because the natural tendency is to look at what we don’t like. But just stay with me for a minute.* *As you scan yourself from your feet going upward, towards your legs, say to yourself, “I’ like my calves and accept them just as they are” or “I like my thighs and accept them just as they are”.* *Don’t rush this part. Instead, spend a good two minutes staying in this space and absorbing the positive energy.* *Afterward, it’s time to shift the focus of your awareness to your midsection, starting with your stomach. As you do this, say to yourself: “I’m creating change around my stomach and accept what I see, just as it is.” Let me repeat that again: “I am creating change around my stomach and accept what I see just as it is.”* *Now move upward to your chest area and take the same approach: “I’m creating change around my chest and accept what I see, just as it is.”* *Finally, I’d like you to end by looking at your face in the mirror and make eye-contact with yourself and say three times:* *“I am exactly who I need to be in this moment.* *Try doing this activity each day for a week and when you are done, imagine yourself being with your girlfriend free and uninhibited. In your mind’s eye, rehearse letting her see you just as you are during those moments of closeness.* *Finally, Danny, I’d like to recommend a resource called* [*The Body Image Workbook*](https://amzn.to/3dCFPEP) *by Thomas Cash – and I’ve included a link. It’s therapist recommended and has been helpful to many people, including men.* *Thanks so much for reaching out – let us know how things go in the future.* Well, there’s my response to this listener. Do you struggle with body image issues? If the answer is yes, what are you going to do about it? ## BLOCK E: Closeout Did you find the topics we explored today helpful? Just look at the ground we covered – we talked about how positive thinking can somethings be a cover up for what’s going on, deep inside. We also touched on acceptance and commitment therapy as a pathway to change. But that wasn’t all – the topic of body image came up and doing mirror work can help boost confidence. Haha, there were even some metaphors used in the show. Did you catch them? If you loved this episode or have ever found this show helpful, I’d really appreciate it if you hit that subscribe button using whatever you use to hear the show. This way, you’ll never miss an episode. And here’s the thing – I need your help with getting this podcast in front of other men – and the best way to do that is to leave a review on Apple Podcasts or whatever app you are using. Apparently, the more reviews I get, the more it influences its visibility and rankings. Plus, I love reading your feedback because it keeps me so motivated to keep making these pods. And folks, it’s just me. I don’t have production crew or anyone writing out the scripts. You know, there’s lots of ways to reach me. You can stop by my Instagram page on Instagram at Guy Counseling. And you can also find me on Facebook and Twitter at the same handle. Speaking of Instagram, I have pledged that during the month of August, I promise to post one thing a day, everyday, that somehow relates to health and wellness. It could be a meme, it could be a quote – who knows – there may even be a silly picture of me. So, I’d love it if you stop by and follow. **Related:** [Anger management with DBT](https://guycounseling.com/anger-management-dbt-techniques/) I’m on the web at Guycounseling.com, and there, you’ll find tons of blog posts related to topics men care about. Information about my book is there, confusing love with obsession, and you can also sign up for my newsletter on the sidebar. I promise I don’t send out emails frequently and whatever I send will be short and sweet. I promise. Do you have a question you’d like read on the show or have some feedback? If so, feel free to shoot me a note at: \[mentioned on podcast\]. Anything you send me will be held in the strictest of confidence and I won’t share it with anyone unless you give me permission. Now keep in mind that if you do reach out, it may take a few days to get back to you because I’m teaching classes or am in session with clients. Well, that’s it – another show. I’d like to thank our show’s sponsor, Better Help – and also give a shout out to my sound engineer, Joel, with [East Coast Studio](https://eastcoaststudio.ca/). Be aware of your feelings and try not judge them. Find ways to appreciate your body, just as it is. Remember the process of change is a journey. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John, and this has been, another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Acceptance and Commitment, ACT, Positive Thinking --- ### [Tyler Pickert: A Closer Look At The Host of The Real Talk Podcast](https://guycounseling.com/tyler-pickert-real-talk-podcast/) **Published:** July 30, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![real talk podcast](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/podcast-1.jpg?resize=747%2C419&ssl=1) ## Interview with Host of The Real Talk Podcast If you are a fan of podcasts in the mental health space, you may be familiar with [The Real Talk Podcast](https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy8xZjI2Mjg2MC9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==), hosted by Tyler Pickert. The show has gained popularity in recent months with podcast listeners, particularly in the 20–35-year-old demographic. Curious to know more about the mysterious Kansas City, Missouri Podcast Host – and his motivations behind the show, Guy Counseling sat down with Tyler for a quick interview. Here’s our questions and his answers: ### **1. What made you start this podcast?** I was never really an avid podcast listener. I have however always been fascinated by social media and the way it operates. Throughout the early stages of the pandemic I spent a lot of time studying algorithms, CPM’s and other media related tips and tricks to find out in what way I would like to grow a platform for myself. I’ve always seen myself in more of a managerial / behind the camera role in media than an on camera personality which seems to be a necessity nowadays, so there was podcasting. My initial goal was to find a healthy release that allowed me to tap into my vulnerable side, express myself and release some of those “demons” that have been inside of me my entire life. Something I struggled with, my own version of “talk therapy”. I didn’t expect to have any listeners, which is why I think I was so open to trying it. It took me about three weeks from the time I received my equipment to post my first episode. I did a few trial runs with friends to get comfortable behind the mic and figure out what approach I wanted to take. **Related:** [50 best men’s podcasts!](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/) I ended up taking the route of scripting my shows & doing them all solo while being completely open and vulnerable. To my surprise my first episode (May 23, 2020) received incredible feedback, in a way I did not expect. For the first season of my podcast, I would use small musical artists’ music as an intro and outro to kind of show my respect towards them and their craft. The artist I used for my second episode actually reached out to me on Instagram and sent me a message telling me he fully expected me to continue creating podcast episodes. He told me he had listened to the entire thing, which had no correlation to him aside from the 15 second introduction that included his song, and that broke me down to tears. From that point going forward I’ve treated this as if it’s my most valuable asset. From sound to editing to marketing, I’ve made significant progress over this first year and I know this is only the beginning of my journey in hopefully helping people all across the world through my stories and experiences. https://www.instagram.com/p/CQAS8OdlHZN/ ### **2. Tell us about your background** Without making this too much of a sob story I grew up with a complicated background. I lacked parental influences that other kids my age had, because of that it put me several steps behind socially which took years for me to catch up. I grew up wanting the most for everyone around me and putting myself last because of that. I felt if had I not given my all to those surrounding me putting them before myself, I would lose them in the same way I lost those parental and family influences you’re “supposed” to have growing up. Experiencing the problems I faced with home life, finances, influence, it led me to lose focus on the things I needed to improve my future. I didn’t understand the value of school because I wasn’t taught what it could bring me. After high school I made it about a year and some change in college pursuing a degree in psychology, because I had always known I wanted to help people. However, I was more caught up on those same home life issues than class, more of the same only to be influenced by adult level distractions. I had drunk my days away for a year, getting intoxicated before my 8 am classes on the days I’d go. **Related:** [Top podcasts for anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) Locking myself in my dorm for weeks on end without seeing sunlight, in need of something or someone that just was not there at the time. I knew I needed help, answers but I just couldn’t find it. After that year and a half of school I took some time off to get myself right mentally and physically. I had jumped from 175 pounds to about 230 from constant drinking and eating, lost my drive to do anything but survive. I even had two periods where I was homeless in the streets of my college town, showering in the Sonic drive-thru sink and living off fast food. Without making this too long, I had eventually begun to figure things out. I got myself in shape and financially stable, I had quit drinking and to this day that remains. I focused more on the why than the why me, and from there things began to turn around. Life isn’t perfect, I’m not perfect, but I’m in a much better spot at 23 than I once was and I’m forever grateful for that. ### **3. Who are you trying to reach with your podcast?** My words and stories are for the ears of anyone. I’ve designed this to be a safe place for any and everyone, a no judgement zone. My overall goal with this podcast is to unite people from different walks of life, through similar situations, experiences and feelings. To help people understand those things that make them feel they are “one in a million” aren’t as rare as they may think. We all struggle, life is very difficult for everyone in their own ways. The goal of my podcast is to help one another see past those differences and understand the world is a much better place when we have the support of one another through those hardships rather than passing judgement or blame. Everyone has a story to tell, and the only way I felt I could get others to open up to my message is by first “exposing” myself, my hardships, mistakes and most vulnerable moments to gain the trust and respect of those who consume my content. There’s no ideal target audience other than anyone who is looking to heal and improve within their own life. I expose my shortcomings and mistakes so others can understand there’s no reason to be ashamed of where they’re at in life, so they know each day is a new chance to improve upon the last. https://www.instagram.com/p/CPD4\_UsFy3l/ ### 4. Why do you use an avatar and not your face pic? Around the time I started the podcast I was at a very low point in my life, as many can probably relate too. I understand the internet is a potentially very rewarding but toxic place, and that scared me. I began this journey with an avatar because I’ve always been incredibly insecure with the way I look, I’m not sure how those insecurities started but I was worried people would immediately disregard me for how I look rather than who I am. Which ties into my second and final reason for beginning with the avatar, I wanted people to build trust in me before getting to know me. I wanted any potential listener to find comfort in what I could offer them through my storytelling, advice and experiences rather than making a preconceived judgement based on a profile picture or follower count. Social media is a numbers game, the numbers influence first impressions and I’m not blind to that. So, I decided I would tie my name with the podcast, but not my physical self just yet. I don’t have a personal profile with posts on it, I don’t really even use social media outside of what I do with the podcast. Over the last year I’ve become more comfortable with myself as I’ve taken this journey, and I plan to eventually incorporate myself more with the content. I see this as a marathon not a sprint, I’m already planning months ahead of now in terms of content and ideas for this project. Only time will tell, but what once was my biggest insecurity could end up being my greatest reward when I am able to take the advice I give others in my podcast and become completely comfortable with who I am. ### **5. What plans for the future?** I have ideas as to where I’d like to take this platform and the “Real Talk” brand, but I like to stay open minded. Down the line I’d love to get involved with some kind of travel speaking or life coaching. Work to develop an effective but broad curriculum for those looking to get more one-on-one help with the challenges and obstacles of life rather than just hearing what I have to say on the podcast. Basically, just being the person, I needed so desperately at my lowest point, offering guidance and potential solutions to the things stunting the growth of amazing individuals who just need a little push. Whether it be that or some kind of live travel podcasting or speaking, my goal will always remain the same and that’s helping others in any way I can. While of course continuing to evolve and grow The Real Talk Podcast itself. If in five years I’m able to capitalize off of what I’ve built in just this one short year, along with finding peace and happiness within my own personal life I’ll be more than happy with the outcome. I want to invest in those who have invested in me, love those who have loved me and take care of those who have taken care of me. Anything more than that is the cherry on top. — End of interview. Guy Counseling would like to thank Tyler for his time. You can listen to The Real Talk Podcast on [Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-real-talk-podcast/id1516320274), [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/5i8xGmXroVTFJXGFeQCKCd) and [Radio Public](https://radiopublic.com/the-real-talk-podcast-6LPl1v). **Categories:** Entertainment, News **Tags:** #podcast, Podcasts, The Real Talk Podcast --- ### [Anger Management Using DBT (E33)](https://guycounseling.com/anger-management-dbt-techniques/) **Published:** July 28, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anger management DBT](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/angry-man-E33-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Anger Management with DBT](#Anger_Management_with_DBT) - [Take Aways from Show](#Take_Aways_from_Show) - [Resources Mentioned in Show](#Resources_Mentioned_in_Show) - [BLOCK A – DBT For Anger Management](#BLOCK_A_%E2%80%93_DBT_For_Anger_Management) - [BLOCK B: Anger Management with DBT](#BLOCK_B_Anger_Management_with_DBT) - [BLOCK C: BETTER HELP PROMO](#BLOCK_C_BETTER_HELP_PROMO) - [BLOCK D: Anger Management – Dear Man Technique](#BLOCK_D_Anger_Management_%E2%80%93_Dear_Man_Technique) - [BLOCK E: Shy Bladder Syndrome](#BLOCK_E_Shy_Bladder_Syndrome) - [BLOCK E: Closeout DBT and Anger](#BLOCK_E_Closeout_DBT_and_Anger) ## Anger Management with DBT Does your anger sometimes turn into rage? Do you say things in the heat of the moment that you later regret? Are you hoping to find techniques to get your temper under control? In this episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John explores the emotion of anger and makes the case that anger has gotten a bad wrap in contemporary society. As part of the show, you’ll learn about two powerful techniques to help you prevent anger turning into rage that come to us from the world of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Episode sponsored by [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?go=true&transaction_id=102012db19f9155e7403cbe0ae0ff8&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=guycounseling¬_found=1&gor=start). Finally, you’ll hear from a listener who is unable to go to the bathroom in public places because of shy bladder syndrome. ## Take Aways from Show - The benefits of anger - How to use thought projection (thought observation) to observe emotions before acting on them. - How to conduct the DEAR MAN technique for problem resolution. - A quick overview of shy bladder syndrome and common approaches to treatment. ## Resources Mentioned in Show - [Benefits of anger from Good Therapy website](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/value-of-anger-16-reasons-its-good-to-get-angry-0313175) - [Thought observation (aka thought projection) from DBT Self Help Website ](https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/what_skills.pdf) - [Taking opposite action from Suffolk DBT](https://suffolkdbtjl.com/opposite-action/) - [Dear Man Technique Handout from Therapist Aid](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/dbt-dear-man) - [DBT Skills Workbook (See Amazon) ](https://amzn.to/2T3fbyd) - [Shy Bladder Syndrome from the International Paruresis Association](https://paruresis.org/) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1684034582&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1684034582/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1684034582&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=487c75f1aeb2d523820529f24916d187) ## BLOCK A – DBT For Anger Management Hello and welcome – or welcome back – to episode 33 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. My name is Dr. John Moore and I’m a licensed therapist out of Chicago, Illinois – and I’m so happy you’re here. Today, we’re going to be talking about the topic of anger and how – when channeled productively – it can be used as a catalyst for action. I’ll be going into this topic more in just a moment, but before we get there, I’d like to welcome any new listeners to the show, which is being sponsored by [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?go=true&transaction_id=102012db19f9155e7403cbe0ae0ff8&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=guycounseling¬_found=1&gor=start). Did you know this podcast has a mission? Yep, it sure does and it’s to reach three specific groups of men: Group one are guys who are all about health and wellness and are attracted to self-improvement pods like a moth to a flame. So, that’s group one. Group two are men who may be working with a therapist right now or perhaps at some point in the past – and use the material shared here as part of their journey. That’s group two: And then we’ve got group three – a group of men who frankly aren’t going to be knocking on the door of someone like me, a therapist, to reveal things going on in their life – it’s just not happening – but – these same men might be curious enough to tap on an app and listen to a show because the issue resonates. But regardless of what brought you here today, I’m thrilled you are here and that you matter! And if you are a woman who happens to be listening, your presence matters here too. The reality is a lot of women hit that subscribe button for this show because many of the topics we explore have universal application. So welcome. Now quick disclaimer – this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for counseling or medical advice and I’m not your personal therapist. Alighty, let’s slide back to today’s show topic: **Anger**. Yep, that’s right – anger. And right off the bat, I’d like to ask you some questions: - *Are you a man who has a bad temper?* - *Do you go from 0 to pissed in a nano-second?* - *Has your anger gotten you into trouble, like in a relationship, with your children or even your job?* If you can relate, I’m right there with you. But can I be real with you? Our society has done a terrible job of addressing the emotion of anger and frankly, it’s gotten to the point that it’s almost become a dirty word. And that’s a crying shame, don’t you think? Here’s the full-on truth – anger is a normal, healthy human emotion, just like happiness and sadness. Anger is what lets you know you’re alive – and that something doesn’t feel right. But how can you take anger and express it in healthy ways so that it doesn’t become destructive – to yourself or someone you love? Can you channel this feeling into something more productive, like action? Well, I’m going to go over an approach from the world of dialectical behavior therapy – or DBT for short – called the DEAR MAN technique – which may be helpful. But wait – there’s more. You’ll also hear from a listener who is struggling with shy bladder syndrome – or fear of peeing in public – and isn’t sure what to do. We’re going to be covering a lot of ground today and I’m going to be getting all woo-woo on you! So fasten your set belt men – let’s take a ride. ## BLOCK B: Anger Management with DBT Almost as if it were yesterday, I can still remember one of the first times I went off another human being. Even now, I still have a lot of shame around my behavior. It was during one of my first relationships and I didn’t even recognize the person who doing the yelling. Don’t get me wrong, the person was me all right – but a me who was filled with rage and totally out of control. Somehow, I had gotten into my mid 20’s and not figured out how to get control of my temper. Now look, it’s not like I had never been angry – I had. But this was a full-on rage, replete with smashing plates and kicking furniture. Yeah guys, it wasn’t pretty – and I’m not proud of my behavior. And hey, I can still have my moments, but I’ve taught myself how to avoid the impulse to go after a person’s jugular – in a matter of speaking. Oh, in case you are wondering, I’m no stranger to being on the receiving end of destructive rage. It’s not fun – is it? At the start of today’s show, I mentioned that the word anger has gotten a bad wrap in society. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had patients share with me a desire to get rid of their anger, almost as if it’s a tumor that needed to be cut out of their body. I’ve even had patients lower their voice when they say that word anger, almost like it’s a taboo topic. And it doesn’t help when you go on social media, where there are a contingent of folks constantly perpetuating the idea that there’s something wrong with you if you aren’t living a life of blissful happiness, 24/7. Haha – if only. Here’s the straight-on truth. Anger – in and of itself – is not a bad thing. It’s part of the spectrum of human emotions, just like joy and just like sadness. And there are a number of positives associated with anger. There’s a great article on the Good Therapy website authored by Moshe Ratson on this topic that I’ve [linked to in show notes](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/value-of-anger-16-reasons-its-good-to-get-angry-0313175). I’m just going to mention three of them. The first one is this: All of us have been equipped with [anger](https://guycounseling.com/anger-sickness-aging-591/) as a kind of evolutionary leftover that has been purposely implanted into your nervous system to protect you from aggression. And anger is the same emotion that empowers you to fight back against an attack, similar to how early man fought back against the threats they faced. Second, anger can help you to create change. For example, if you felt invisible as a kid, it’s that anger you experienced back in the day that can empower you in the here and now to get your workout bodybuilding on – know what I mean. Can vanity also be at play here? Sure, but if you look for the root cause and its likely you’ll find anger somewhere in the mix. Third, anger has a discharging effect. In other words, when you discharge anger, it’s almost always followed by feelings of calm. So, there are some positives and I do hope you’ll check out that article. Now – with all of that said, the problem with anger is that most of us have learned to suppress it to the point that when it does surface, things get ugly. I’m thinking now of the famous Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung, who once said, *What we resist persists.* The dude was kind of right – don’t you think? At any rate, you are probably wondering how you can channel your anger in ways that are more productive? Is there a way to communicate your feelings without hurting someone you love, like a partner or child? Finally, how can you turn down your internal temperature so that you don’t go from zero to seriously pissed off in a nano-second. Welp, I’m about to share with you a two-part tool that comes to us from the land of Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT; a $10 dollar term used to describe an offshoot of cognitive therapy that combines mindfulness, acceptance, and emotional regulation as part of the dynamic. Do you remember when I said at the start of the show that I was going to get all woo-woo on you. Welp, that moment is here because I’m going to teach you two powerful tools: The first is thought projection and the second is the Dear Man Technique. Now let me be clear – this approach requires that you step outside of your comfort zone and tap into your active imagination. And if you’re worried about writing anything down – don’t – because I’ve included a link to everything I’m about to say in show notes, which can be found on the Guy Counseling Blog. **Here’s Part One: Thought Projection** I want you to think about how anger manifests in your body. For example, you might get a tightening in your gut or feel it in your face. I know for me that when I feel anger coming on, I feel a warmth in my chest and my fists start to clench. I’m mentioning all of this because wherever you feel that anger in your body, stop for a moment and ask yourself: Does this feeling have a shape? Does it have a color? If so, I want you to project that shape and color above your head, similar to a thought cloud. Within that shape, imagine writing out the words that describe what’s behind the anger you are feeling. For example, you might imagine yourself scribbling out words like: disrespected, minimized or threatened. Here’s why you want to do this: By identifying where that anger resides in our body and projecting it outward, you give yourself the opportunity to observe it. In turn, this allows you to mindfully observe what’s happening instead of impulsively acting on it. It’s kind of like Yoda from Star Wars. Remember how he taught Luke Skywalker to notice his emotions, but not act on them? Well, it’s like that. Make sense? OK, so that’s the first tool. The second tool is the Dear Man Technique. But before we get to that, here’s a special offer Better Help that you won’t want to miss. Stick around … ## BLOCK C: BETTER HELP PROMO Special offer for listeners to the Men’s Self-Help Podcast where you can get 10 percent off your first month of therapy sessions with Better Help. ## BLOCK D: Anger Management – Dear Man Technique Are you ready to learn about the Dear Man technique? Well, I’m about to share it with you. Let me just quickly say that this approach was created by Dr. Marsha Linehan, an American Psychologist who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT for short. It’s an evidence-based form of psychotherapy, meaning there’s scientific, measurable research to back it up. But here’s the thing – it’s also skill based. In other words, everything you have learned thus far will require focus and practice to build on the coping strategies you are learning. You remember the thought projection activity we went over in the previous segment? Well, that’s an example of a coping strategy you’ll want to spend time with because it can be used in conjunction with the DEAR MAN Technique you’re going to learn about right now. Keep in mind that each letter of DEAR MAN represents an action you’ll be taking. And yes, there’s a [link in Show Notes](https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/dbt-dear-man.pdf) that walks you through everything I’m about to mention. Alrighty, let’s start with the “D”. **D** stands for Describe. Here, you clearly and concisely describe the facts of the situation as you see it. Let’s say you have a roommate who habitually leaves their dirty dishes in the sink and never cleans them up. Here, you would simply state the facts: *I notice that after you’re done eating, you leave your plates in the sink and let them pile up – leaving me to do them.* See how I did that? I simply stated the facts. Pure and simple. **E** is for Express. Using “I” statements, you express what you are feeling in calm and intentional way. So, for this one, you might say something like: *I feel taken advantage of when you leave your dishes in the sink* or *I feel resentful whenever I see that pile of dishes stacking up.* Notice the “I statement” here as part of expressing. **A** is for Assert. Here, you use very specific language to request what you need to want. Example: *I need you to wash your dishes and put them away after eating.* Now warning folks – don’t fall into the trap of being passive aggressive for the “A” part and say things like, “It would be nice if you washed the dishes occasionally.” In a calm tone, just come right out and state your need. Now let’s go to R. **R** is for Reinforce. In other words, you reinforce a desired outcome with your words and body language. Example: *You know, I think we’ll get along better around here because when you do your part, it demonstrates that you care our living space. Plus, it helps to reduce some of the negative energy I put out there because I’m feeling resentful.* So, you can use a variation of the R example I just gave, but the idea is to say it in a calm, open, and relaxed way. Now look, I’m no fool. None of this means that the person you are speaking to isn’t going to come back with comments like: “It’s the dishes dude – it’s not a big deal – relax” or worse, “Oh, Wah – stop being a big baby.” I mean I hope that doesn’t happen, but we can only control our own behavior, right? Should you get this kind of response, the best thing you can do is use that same calm tone and say back: *I hear you – but I really would like us to resolve this issue.* So, that’s the DEAR Part. Here’s the MAN part. **M** stands for mindfulness. For this strategy, mindfulness means leaning into techniques, like the thought projection activity we discussed earlier, so that you don’t get your anger get the best of you. As part of the “M”, you may have to employ the DBT strategy of [opposite action](https://suffolkdbtjl.com/opposite-action/). Here, you do something opposite of what that anger impulse is telling you to do. For example, let’s say the hypothetical roommate we’ve been discussing gets all loud and aggressive, you avoid matching their behavior with hostility. A good way to do this is to simply say: *I’m going for a 15-minute walk. Let’s both return to this later when we’re both calmer* OR *I’m feeling really pissed off right now so let’s take a break.* There’s much more I could say here but I think you get my drift. The idea is to not let the other person’s behavior pull you off track from what you’re trying to accomplish. OK, time for A. **A** stands appear confident. This means standing up straight, or leaning slightly forward if you’re sitting, and making eye contact when you speak. Now guys, this isn’t a permission slip to stare the other person down or use your body language to intimidate. OK finally N. **N** stands for Negotiate. All this one means is knowing the limits to what’s possible and being open to a middle-ground. Let’s go back to that roommate. If you’re roomie were to say: “I’ll try to get those dishes done if you’ll mop the floors once a week,” be willing to meet the request. In the end, you have a goal you’re trying to reach and sometimes you’ll have to compromise. Make sense? As an aside, if you the DBT strategies we’ve discussed here, I’d like to recommend a resource to you. It’s called the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by McKay, Wood and Brantley. It is full – and I mean full – of strategies and worksheets that you can use for a variety of emotional challenges. It’s also something I regularly recommend to my patients. You’ll find the [link to the book in show notes](https://amzn.to/2T3fbyd) on the Guy Counseling blog. All right, before we close this block out, let’s take a moment to quickly recap each of those letters: **D** is for describing the facts. **E** is for expressing your feelings with I statements. **A** is for assert by clearly stating your need. **R** is for reinforce with words and body language. **M** is for mindfulness. **A** is for appearing confident. **N** is for negotiate. When you combine thought projection with the DEAR MAN technique, you open yourself up to possibilities. What would it be like if you practiced these skills? Imagine how you might grow – and change. ## BLOCK E: Shy Bladder Syndrome Our listener email comes to us from a man living in Chicago who is struggling with a unique problem. I’m going to go ahead and read to you what he sent to me, and then share my reply. Are you ready? Check it out: *Hi, Dr. John,* *I just recently subscribed to your podcast and am so glad I found your show.* *I’ve got this problem that I’m ashamed to talk about with anyone, so I figured I’d try my luck here – and I hope that’s OK.* *I’m 30-years old and cannot pee in public. This issue has been an on and off problem for most of my life. Last week, I was at a Cubs game and had to go real bad, but for the life of me, I couldn’t go.* *This kind of thing happens to me anytime I’m in public place, like the gym or a bar. But the weird thing is, I have no problem with it at home.* *Please Dr. John – I’m desperate*. *– Sergio in Chicago* — So, that was this young man’s email to me. And you know, in reading his problem, I just feel overwhelmed with compassion with him. The truth is a lot of men live with this challenge, which is commonly referred to as Shy Bladder Syndrome or in clinical speak: PAR-U-RECES. And can I be real with you? It’s a problem that’s not often talked about and widely misunderstood. I’m reminded right now of a man – we’ll call him Enrique – who contacted me around two-years ago with a similar problem. In his case, he was terrified of having to take a 3-and-a-half-hour flight from Chicago to Phoenix. And the reason he felt so much anxiety was because the thought of being on a plane for that long without the ability to relieve himself was overwhelming. At any rate, I’m going to read to you what I sent back to Sergio, with some paraphrasing. — Hi, Sergio, I really appreciate you subscribing to the pod and that you took the time to send me this note. I know it’s not easy to talk about. I’m not a medical doctor so let me say right out that it’s important to let your physician know what’s going on as a way of ruling out any medical causes for your problem. I’m not suggesting there is one, but it doesn’t hurt to do this all the same. Barring any medical reasons for your situation, it sounds like you may be struggling with Shy Bladder Syndrome or Paruresis. That may sound like a scary word, but it’s really a fancy term used to describe a condition where a person is unable to urinate because their sphincter muscles lock up. And it’s those muscles that control the flow of urine from your bladder. Once those muscles lock up, it makes it nearly impossible to pee. I’ve worked with people who have had this happen at football games, private house-parties, planes and even in their own home when sense other people are around. And guess what – nearly [20 million Americans](https://www.webmd.com/urinary-incontinence-oab/shy-bladder) have this problem, according to Web MD. See the link I’ve included in this reply. At its core, shy bladder syndrome is an anxiety disorder with three main triggers, again, going by the Web MD article: 1 A lack of privacy 2 Who you perceive being around you or may be around you. 3 Your emotions. So, you may be wondering if this can be treated. The answer is yes. In many cases, cognitive behavior therapy, combined with graduated exposure therapy, can help to reduce the brain’s anxiety response. Clinical hypnotherapy, when used as an adjunct, has also been found to be helpful. Sergio, I am going to include a link to the [International Paruresis Foundation](https://paruresis.org/) that I’d like you to check out. On the site, you’ll find lots of different resources, including support groups, to help you on your journey. Finding a therapist who specializes in anxiety will be important on your path to healing. I hope this response helps and again thanks for listening. — Well, there’s my response. As I mentioned earlier, this is a problem that is not often discussed, largely because of shame. I’m so glad this young man wrote. So, let me ask you a question – are you one of the 20 million people who struggle with PAR-U-RECES? If so, what are you going to do about it? ## BLOCK E: Closeout DBT and Anger Man, oh man, did we go through a lot in today’s podcast, wouldn’t you say? To start things off, we established that anger isn’t a dirty word. Second, we learned about two important tools for transforming anger into action. And finally, we explored the problem of shy bladder syndrome. Shoot, there was even a Yoda metaphor dropped in along the way. You can probably tell I love making this podcast – I really do have a passion for it and it makes me happy that you took some time today to listen in. Did you know there’s lots of ways for us to keep in touch? Yup, there sure is. You can pop by my website, at Guycounseling.com and sign up for my newsletter. You’ll also find information on my book, [Confusing Love with Obsession](https://guycounseling.com/confusing-love-with-obsession-by-john-d-moore/). And there’s also my social media accounts. I’m on Instagram at Guy Counseling – and I’m also on Facebook and Twitter at the same handle. Speaking of Instagram, during the month of August, I am pledging to post one thing a day, every day, that somehow relates to health and wellness. I’m really going to try and do this, and I’d love to see you there. So, would you like to include a question for the show? Well, just shoot me a note to \[email shared on podcast\] – that’s \[email shared on pod\] and I promise that whatever you to send me will be held in confidence. I won’t share it with anyone, unless you give me permission. I promise. That said, it may take me a day or two to write you back, as I juggle my counseling and teaching responsibilities. You know the other day, a fellow therapist and podcaster named Laurie left a beautiful review on Apple podcasts. Here’s what she wrote – paraphrased: *I’m an experienced sex therapist and the first episode I listen to from Dr. John is about stuff I need to learn.* And she went on to say how she’s a subscriber and likes getting the scoop on male psychology. And see, it’s that kind of feedback that means so much to me, truly! If you like this podcast, please do two things for me. One, hit the subscribe button on whatever app you are listening and two, please leave a review on Apple, or whatever service you are using. Apparently, both of these somehow help boost the show’s listings, which helps folks just like you find this podcast. I’d like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Better Help and offer a shout out to Joel, my sound engineer, with East Coast Studio. As we closeout our time together today, remember your emotions aren’t things to be hidden. Use tools and techniques to help channel your anger productively. Shame only has power over you if you let it. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John and this has been, another episode of the Men’s Self Help Podcast. — **Related:** [Best 50 men’s podcasts! ](https://guycounseling.com/best-podcasts-men/) **Categories:** Podcasts **Tags:** Anger, DBT --- ### [My Partner Never Initiates Intimacy (E32)](https://guycounseling.com/never-initiates-intimacy-e32/) **Published:** July 14, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![never initiates](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/never-initiates-e32-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## “I’m always the one having to initiate” Are you in a relationship with a partner who never initiates sex? Does the situation bother you, causing you to question if they truly want you? Tired of being the one to always get the ball rolling? In episode 32 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores this thorny issue and discussed how to create meaningful change through the art of the question. You’ll also hear from a listener who wonders if it’s OK to date someone he hooked up with from an app. Have you ever wondered if it is OK to ask a person you’ve messed around with on a date? Episode sponsored by [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?go=true&transaction_id=10256291219daa9521b34ced6960f5&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=guycounseling¬_found=1&gor=start). ## Take Aways from Show - How to use a metaphor for changing “It’s always been this way” mindset. - How to reframe questions using the word “What” to move to a place of action and change with intimacy. - A client case presentation that employed the suggestions made on the podcast. - Setting healthy expectations for dating in an app-driven world. ## Resources/Articles Mentioned in Show - [Original article mentioned in show on “What To Do”](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/) - [Mindfulness based intimacy – Episode 27](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-mindfulness-e27/). - Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/3cTVYFz)). [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=080241270X&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/080241270X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=080241270X&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=df614d8c83d512168677c8de2434ac50) ## SHOW TRANSCRIPTS ### BLOCK A Hello, and welcome – or welcome back – to episode 32 of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore and before we get too far in, I just want to say that today’s show touches on physical intimacy. I’m sharing this with you just in case you need some privacy – if you follow my drift. OK with that said, I realize that some of you may be some first-time listeners, and so I want to give you a quick overview about me and why this podcast exists. The long and the short of it is I’m a licensed psychotherapist, out of Chicago, Illinois and I’ve been involved with counseling and teaching in some form or another for nearly 20 years. People often ask me why I started this show and maybe you are listening now, you are too? Well, here’s the answer. I created this podcast because I wanted to move beyond the walls of my private practice and reach three specific groups of men. The first are guys who are all about health and wellness and are drawn to the wholistic. So that’s group one. Group two are men who may be struggling with some type of issue in the here and now – or perhaps in the past. Examples include depression, anxiety, or a relationship problem. Things like that – and so by tuning in, they get an idea of what it might be like to work with a counselor. So that’s group two, which brings us to group three. Haha Ok, group three – these are stoic my types. I’m talking about guys who are just never, ever, going come knocking on the door of someone like me, a therapist – to reveal personal things going on in their life. To them, I’m about as popular as a thunderstorm at a summer picnic – know what I mean – but – some of these same men might be curious enough to tap on an app and listen to a show that relates to something going on in their life. **Related:** [Does erotic hypnosis work?](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-real-30/) Here’s the thing: Regardless of which group you belong to – I want you to know that I’m delighted you are here – and I really mean that. And by the by – Are you a woman listening today? If so, welcome aboard! The truth is a lot of women hit that follow button because they’re hoping to gain new insights. So, once again, welcome! Now quick disclaimer all – this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling or medical advice and I am not your personal therapist. OK, let’s slide into today’s topic: **What to do if your partner never initiates sex.** For real – what can you do? As I ask that question, I can’t help but wonder how many of you may be struggling with this problem right now? Well, to get to the answers, I’m going to share with you the story of Davis, a patient I helped several years with this exact problem. I’ll also walk you through 5 things he did to generate meaningful change. So, we’ll chat about that. And as part of today’s show, which is being sponsored by [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?go=true&transaction_id=10256291219daa9521b34ced6960f5&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=guycounseling¬_found=1&gor=start), we’ll also explore a listener email from a guy who is conflicted about wanting to date someone he met on a hook up. As you can tell – we have a full plate today. So go ahead and strap yourself in. I’m super glad you are here! ### BLOCK B – NEVER INITIATES So, the other day – when I was at the gym – I ran into a guy named Shawn. He’s what you’d call a regular – one of those dudes who reliably shows up, day after day, week after week. I can’t say that’s always been the case for me, but I digress. At any rate, I’m sharing this with you because when I bumped into him, I noticed that he was carrying one of them big, one-gallon jugs of water. After we said our hello’s, I got kind of nosey and said, “Hey Shawn – that’s a lot of water – do you try to drink that much every day?” He chuckled for a moment and said back, “For the most part, yeah – at least I try to. But then he said, “Is this the first time you you’ve seen me with this old thing? I bring it every day. **It’s always been this way**.” It was that last thing that he said that stayed with me. *It’s always been this way*. As I think about it now, he was right. For as long as I can remember, he had been lugging around that jug. In fact, it had become a kind of appendage. But for whatever reason, I hadn’t really noticed it until that day. In so many ways, sex can be like that old jug. In other words, as time passes, things can become so routine that before you know it, you’ve landed in a place called: *It’s always been this way*. Now don’t get me wrong. Routines **can** be a good thing. I mean they keep you on track to your goals and create a sense of familiarity. But when it comes to intimacy, sometimes small changes can be good. Know what I mean? Are you in a relationship right now with someone where the only way sex happens – ever – is if you initiate? Is there a part of you who would like your mate to get the ball rolling – at least occasionally? Well, if you can relate, I’d like to share with you the story of Davis. He was a client that I worked with a few years back. At the time, he was in his late thirties and had been married to his wife for around 10 years. His reasons for seeking out counseling were all about this issue of intimacy in the bedroom. As we got to talking and he started opening up, Davis shared with me that he loved his wife very much – but had worries she didn’t feel the same. And so I asked him: “Why do you think this has been happening Davis? I asked. I’ll never forget how him sitting on my couch, shaking his head back and forth and saying, “Man – I don’t know. I wish I knew. It’s always been this way.” As our conversation continued, Davis went on to reveal several of his deeply held fears – things like his wife not loving him anymore or that she didn’t find him attractive. “I think one day she’s just going to pack up and leave Dr. John”, he said in that first session – wringing his hands with worry. Now here’s the thing folks – There was no real evidence to support what this young man was thinking. The truth was that in every way that mattered, his wife was showing up to the marriage – including the bedroom. But because of Davis’s irrational thinking, it caused him to awfulize. Some of you listening may be wondering what on earth that term means? Well, I’m gonna tell ya. Awfulizing is when a person adopts an irrational mindset and predicts the most negative, catastrophic outcome for a circumstance – just like Davis was doing in my office. To his mind, his wife not initiating sex meant that she wasn’t into him into him and that there relationship was in trouble. Again, this wasn’t actually the case – but that’s what he thought. At any rate – my job was to help Davis shift his thinking – quickly. To help facilitate change, I reached for two powerful interventions: One was cognitive behavior therapy – or CBT – and the other was mindfulness. And so over a series of sessions, I had Davis focus on five difficult questions. I say difficult because all five required that he look inward for answers, as opposed to the external. All of these questions were based off an article I wrote on this very topic back in 2017, which you can find on the Guy Counseling blog. I’ve [linked to it in show notes](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/). OK, so the first thing we did were some mind-clearing exercises. This involved several deep breathing exercises, mixed in with guided imagery. In this way, Davis was better able to dial down his anxiety and switch mental channels from a place of fear to calm. Once we were done, I handed him a pen and paper and asked him to focus in on those questions. Would you like to hear them? \[laugh\]. OK, here’s the first one: **1 What could be different?** Notice I used that term *what* and not *why*. The reason I did this was simple. *What gets down to the specifics. What implies action. What quantifies and opens the door to change.* On the other hand, why questions do nothing but lead to more questions that are often riddled with irrational outcomes. Examples: *Why is it on me to initiate? Why isn’t she into me? Why doesn’t she find me attractive?* See what I’m talking about? And so, in asking Davis *what could be different,* his thinking experienced a shift. Here’s some things Davis came up with and wrote down, using *what* at the start of each: - What would it be like if I told my wife I’d like her to initiate? - What is one thing we could be doing different that we aren’t doing now? - What would I like our sex-life to look like? And so that was question one. Here’s the second one I asked him: **2 What are her assumptions?** In simple-speak, I was basically trying to get Davis to put on his critical thinking cap to reach a place of insight. With a little help, here’s what he came up with: - What is my wife’s relationship history? Did that history include a situation that when she tried to initiate, she was shot down? - What am I vibing out – through the spoken word or body language, that sends the signal it’s not OK to initiate? - What cultural factors may be at play from her background that relate to male and female roles? - What assumptions does she have about what I like sexually? Are those assumptions accurate? If they aren’t, *what* is it she needs to know? OK, so that’s question two. Here’s the third question I asked him: **3 What are my patterns?** And for this one, the idea was to get Davis to think about their current intimacy setup. The idea here was to rocket him away from: “It’s always been this way” and onto new turf. So, here’s essentially what he wrote down: - What has been our routine? - What has reinforced our routine? - What can I do to create new patterns? Alright that was three. The fourth question I asked Davis was: **4 What is my definition of sex?** Now folks, this is a clean podcast, so I am not going to go into detail here, but I will tell you that later on, Davis revealed to me that his definition of sex was vastly different from his wife’s. And so along these lines, here’s what he jotted down: - What is my wife’s definition of intimacy? - What would it be like to experience sex in different ways? - What does my wife think my definition of sex is? So, that was question four. And here’s the fifth question I asked: **5 What am I communicating – or not communicating?** This final one may sound obvious – but it needed to be asked all the same. Here’s what he reflected on and then wrote down: - What message have I been sending in the bedroom? - What if I tried vibing out something different? - What if I simply told my wife that her initiating sex from time to time helped me to feel wanted physically and emotionally? There you have it folks – those were the five questions. You may be wondering what happened? So, here’s the full-on truth. I’m not going to tell you that there was some kind of Disney ending here, replete with rainbows and magical unicorns. It never works out that way. The reality is Davis ended up working on those questions – those solutions – for many weeks in therapy. And in between our meetings, he used those questions as homework. But I can tell you this: By allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable, things did – gradually – change for the better. Part of his solution meant approaching sex more mindfully; something I covered in detail [back in episode 27](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/). I encourage you to check it out. And I need to say now that his entire journey took a great deal of courage. Talking about things like emotions, intimacy and sex isn’t easy for a lot of people – particularly men – at least in my experience. So, it’s like this. If you want to end the cycle of always being the initiator, get working on those what questions. And then take the answers to those questions and get to the doing part. Be open seeing things you hadn’t noticed before – like that one-gallon jug I talked about earlier. In Davis’s case, his questions led him to have deeper, more meaning discussions with his wife about intimacy. After he worked up the courage, he straight out told her that he wanted her to initiate from time to time because it demonstrated she was into him. And through dialogue with his wife, he learned that sometimes, he unintentionally sent out a message that he wasn’t interested in sex, even though it wasn’t true. Finally, Davis learned that because of his wife’s background, she feared making the first move due to deeply held fears of rejection. But you see, none of the changes would have been possible had Davis not had the courage to look inward and get real with those what questions. Make sense? I’d like to recommend a book to you that may help you with communicating with your partner. It very much relates to what we’ve explored here and is a great tool for generating insight. It’s called the [Five Love Languages](https://amzn.to/3cTVYFz) by Gary Chapman. I’ve linked to it in Show Notes for you to check out. Alight, let’s recap the five questions we explored before moving to the next block. And again, these are in show notes on the Guy Counseling blog. Ready? 1 What could be different? 2 What’s your partner’s assumptions? 3 What are your patterns? 4 What is your definition of sex? 5 What are you communicating? I hope that you use what we’ve talked about here to generate change. Now before we get to this week’s listener email, I’m going to share with you a very special offer from [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?go=true&transaction_id=10256291219daa9521b34ced6960f5&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=123&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=guycounseling¬_found=1&gor=start). I’ll meet you on the other side. ### BLOCK C: BETTER HELP Promotion for listeners to the [Men’s Self Help Podcast using this special link](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj) to get 10% off the first month of counseling services. ### BLOCK D: LISTENER EMAIL This week’s listener email comes to us from a man in living in New York. His dilemma is interesting yet relevant at the same time. And so, I’m just going to jump right in and read to you what he sent to me – and then share the essence of my response. Are you ready? Here we go: *What’s up Dr. John? I love the podcast and have been encouraging my buddies to subscribe. That one you did on erotic hypnosis was super cool.* *So, here’s my issue. I recently met someone on a hook up app for a little fun – if you know what I mean. And the thing is, that is exactly what we did – we hooked up.* *But after we were done with our thing, I started thinking of this person. It just felt like we had a connection. There’s a part of me who wants to make contact again, but this time to ask for a date.* *Is it wrong to date a hook up? Am I messed up?* *Oh, and by the way – it’s cool to share this on your show.* *Thanks,* *Stetson – (28)* — OK, so that is what’s this young feller wrote me. So, what do you think? Is it OK to date someone you hooked up with? Well, here’s what I wrote back – essentially: *Hi, Stetson,* *Thanks so much for your note and for being a fan of the show. It means a great deal to me that you are sharing the podcast with your buds.* *Let me address your question directly by saying this: Yes, it is OK. What’s wrong with that? The best approach is likely the direct one – meaning you simply reach out and are clear about your intentions. I know with that many of the patients I work with, being direct has worked out well.* *Now here is the thing – and I don’t mean to burst your bubble – it is entirely possible this person you hooked up with simply wanted to experience you physically. In other words, sometimes people go on those apps to get certain needs met.* *And I’m saying all of this because we have to allow for the possibility that you may get shot down because that’s not what they are looking for. And can I level with you – while hook up apps and dating often blur the lines, hook up apps can often be singular in focus.* *And so yes Stetson, it’s OK to reach out and see what happens. There’s no shame in asking someone you hooked up with for a date. The absolute worse thing that could happen is you get a no back. That may not be what you want to hear – but at least you will have tried. Write back and let us know how it turned out.* *Once again, thanks for listening!* — So, there is my response. Some of you may disagree with what I said, and I certainly respect that. But the way I see things, romantic connections can happen in many different ways and in many different places. Have you ever wanted to date a hook up? If you didn’t, what was the one thing that held you back? ### BLOCK E: CLOSEOUT Thank you so much for being here today – for the thirty second episode of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m very honored truly. And we covered a lot in today’s show, don’t you think? We explored the issue of having a partner who never initiates sex and then discussed how using questions that begin with the word “what” can help to create change. And if that wasn’t enough, we heard from a young listener who needed guidance on the issue of hook ups and dating. Haha. I’d like to invite you to follow me on social media, particularly on Instagram. In the month of August, I am vowing to post one thing a day, everyday – that somehow relates to health and wellness. You may see a meme or a quote or some random picture of me to show my goofiness. You can find me at Instagram by simply inputting: [Guy Counseling](https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1/). And for those of you on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/guycounseling), I’m at the same handle – Guy Counseling. Did you know I have a website? Yep, I do, Can you guess the website address? Haha – yep, it’s guycounseling.com. On my site, you’ll find information about my book: [*Confusing Love with Obsession*](https://guycounseling.com/confusing-love-with-obsession-by-john-d-moore/). You’ll also be able to sign up for my mailing list on the site as a way of keeping in touch. Now here’s the deal, I don’t send out emails often – perhaps once a week – and whatever I send will be short and sweet, like a heads up about an article or podcast. And for those of you who would like to contact me personally, I’m just an email away. My email is: \[given on show\] . I promise anything you send will remain confidential – I won’t share it with anyone unless you give me permission. I’d love to hear your show ideas for the future – and any feedback you might have. It just means so much to me. Now keep in mind that I still see patients every week, plus teach college courses – so it may take me a day or so to write you back – but rest assured I will. People often ask me how I can help this podcast grow – and I’ll tell you what I tell them – simply hit the follow or subscribe button, wherever you listen. Apparently, the more folks who subscribe, this shows up in the listings. Let me also say now – thank you for all of the ratings and reviews! I recently passed 100 of them on Apple Podcasts, which just blows me away. I’ve very hard not to get caught up in those numbers, but they do mean that listeners like you are encouraging me to continue. And I love doing this podcast. So, I hope you’ll leave a rating, particularly a written review, because helps me see your feedback. Well, there you have it – another show. Thank you to Better Help for sponsoring this episode – and to Joel – my [sound engineer, with East Coast Studio](https://eastcoaststudio.ca/). Give yourself permission to look inward. Switch out why questions and replace them with what. Remember, thoughts are not facts. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John and this has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Podcasts, Relationships **Tags:** assertiveness, intimacy --- ### [7 Ways To Confront Negative Self-Talk (E31)](https://guycounseling.com/combatting-negative-self-talk-31/) **Published:** June 30, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![negative](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/negative-self-talk.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Episode 31 Show Notes Negative self-talk happens to all of us – but what can you do about it? Can there be unhealthy consequences when unhelpful self-talk is left unchecked? In episode 31 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, Dr. John Moore explores the challenge of negative self-talk and how it can lead to derailment. As part of the show, sponsored by [Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj), Moore offers 7 concrete ways to combat negative self-talk and move about the business of creating change. As part of this podcast, you’ll hear from a listener who is struggling to acclimate to the world post-Covid and how the phenomenon of re-entry anxiety, plus FOMO, may be part of the mix. ## Take-Aways From the Show - A basic overview of derailment by using a metaphor. - Example negative self-talk statements. - Seven ways you can change negative self-talk. - An exploration between negative self-talk, derailment and depression for men, as mentioned in Men’s Health. - A quick discussion of re-entry anxiety after pandemic. - Resources for negative changing thinking patterns. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1501171992&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1501171992/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1501171992&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=7557b65cbc98cda8fd9d88dea8383a6d) ## Resources/Articles Mentioned in Podcast - [Confusing Love with Obsession](https://guycounseling.com/confusing-love-with-obsession-by-john-d-moore/) by Dr. John Moore - [Imposter syndrome mentioned from episode 6](https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/the-mens-self-help/e6-7-ways-to-deal-with-EaVF_J3y9kg/) - [Footprints to Recovery article for negative thinking](https://footprintstorecovery.com/blog/combat-negative-self-talk/) - What To Say When You Talk To Yourself by Helmsetter. See this [link to Amazon](https://amzn.to/2TOW3DP). - [Derailment article](https://www.menshealth.com/health/a27721209/depression-derailment-theory-psychologists/) from Christian Jarrett in Men’s Health. - [Re-Entry anxiety](https://www.self.com/story/re-entry-anxiety-covid) from by Anushree Dave on Self.com. - [FOMO and social media from episode 18](https://guycounseling.com/time-break-social-media-e18/) ## Listen To The Podcast On [Apple](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mens-self-help-podcast/id1465473031) [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) [iHeart Radio](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-the-mens-self-help-podcast-46370862/) [Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/show/guy-counseling-radio) ## Show Transcripts: E31 Negative Self-Talk Hello, and welcome – or welcome back – to episode 31 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m Dr. John Moore, and I’m a licensed mental health counselor, out of Chicago, Illinois – and I’ve been involved with psychotherapy since 2005. And you know as I say that right now, it just dawned on me that I’ve been involved with this work for nearly 20-years. Just wow. You know, I’m often asked by people why I started this podcast. In fact, it was just the other day my nephew Jack sent me a text and asked. So, I’m going to share with you what I told him and others – and it’s simply this. My hope in starting this show was to reach three specific groups of men: **Group One:** These are guys who are the health and wellness types and just naturally gravitate towards the wholistic. Men in this group may wonder what it would be like to work with a therapist and by listening in, they get a general feel for the experience. So that’s group one. Then we have **Group Two:** These are men who may have some experience with therapy – perhaps at some point in their past or maybe – they’re in therapy now and working on a specific life challenge, such as PTSD, depression, anxiety – things like that. And then there’s **Group Three:** These are my “Go it alone types”. Here, I’m talking about guys are just never going to come to someone like me – a counselor – to talk about the issues going on in their life. And you know what – that’s OK – because I’m hoping that maybe, just maybe, they’ll see a show topic and be curious enough to tap on an app and give a quick listen. So let me say now – regardless of the group you fall into, I’m thrilled you are here. And hey, if you are a woman turning in today, here’s a big welcome as well. The truth is this show is designed for anyone – and I mean anyone – looking to gain the perspective of someone in the counseling field. Now quick disclaimer: This podcast is not a substitute for mental health counseling or for medical advice and I am not your personal therapist. OK, with that said, I want you to know that just a few hours before recording this show, I was working with a client who was in a full-blown crisis. To make a long story short, he was in the throws of a panic attack – literally – at 30,000 feet. Yep, that’s right. He was texting me from his seat, onboard a Boeing 737 heading eastbound from Denver to Chicago. Now first thing is first. He’s completely fine now. In fact, his plane landed just a little while ago. We were able to work through the situation by employing some mindfulness based techniques, coupled with bilateral stimulation. But I’m sharing this with you because in every way that matters, this young man’s panic was brought on by negative thinking, fueled by something he felt bad about from his past. In our next segment, we’ll talk more about negative self-talk why it can be so toxic. We’ll also go over 7 ways you can confront your inner critic with the goal of creating change. As part of today’s show, we’ll also take a look at a listener email from a man struggles with FOMO – or *fear of missing out.* Is this something you can relate to? Do you ever have the urge to take part in something, because you think you’ll miss out on the fun – or experience? Please stick around – I’m excited you are here! Block B: Combatting Negative Self-Talk I’d like you to imagine being on a train for a moment, just riding along and looking out the window. As you take in the scenery, you feel calm and relaxed. Then, suddenly, an evergreen tree falls on the tracks. The locomotive hits it, causing you to violently lurch forward. In the blink of an eye, you become air born. Everything becomes a blur. Seconds later, you awaken in a pile of smokey, twisted metal. Not exactly a pleasant picture, is it? Well, I’m sharing this kind of mental imagery with you to illustrate a psychological concept called derailment. In every way that matters, your mind is like that train – peacefully chugging along to its destination point. Negative self-statements are like trees – and it you aren’t careful, all it takes is one of them to fall over and cause chaos. So, what do these trees look like – or in this case, sound like. Here’s some examples: - *I’m not good enough.* - *I’m not smart enough.* - *I’m not attractive enough.* - *Nobody will like me.* Negative self-talk can also come in the form of questions, such as: - *Why would anyone listen to me?* - *What do I have offer?* - *What makes me qualified?* So, as you think about some of these, do any of them resonate? Well, you aren’t alone. Some of you listening right now may visualize me as a man who completely trusts himself. And – in the general sense I do – but wouldn’t say completely. I’m particularly aware of how my own life experience may limit my understanding of the pain and suffering of others. But what helps me move through that insecurity is having had the experience of helping many different people from diverse backgrounds – men and women whose personal journeys are filled with horrific trauma and pain. As I say this now, I’m thinking of some of the clients I’ve worked with who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse and still others who were bullied or victims of violent crime. Many of their stories will stay forever contained in my mind, not only because of what they endured, but also because somehow, they were able to put one foot in front of the other and continue along, one day at a time. That just takes so much courage. Truly. Still, there’s a kind of healthy arrogance that is necessary for a person like me to put themselves out there as an expert. I can remember a few years back when I wrote the book, [*Confusing Love with Obsession*](https://guycounseling.com/confusing-love-with-obsession-by-john-d-moore/), being filled with self-doubt and wondering *who the hell did I think I was anyway?* And it didn’t help that as a child, my adoptive mother regularly brought up the successes of my cousins, fawning over how they had been accepted into top tier schools and how they had landed fantastic jobs. As I say this now, I can still remember *Diane – that’s my adoptive mom – drinking a Bartle’s and James Wine Cooler and saying to me:* *Why can’t you be more like them John? You know you’re going to end up a worthless loser, right?* Of course, she left out a lot – like the fact that all of my cousins came from financially well-off families. Or that Diane had gotten a divorce and because of her alcoholism, she couldn’t hold a job. Did I mention we were on welfare? Yep, we were. From the age of 14, I worked manual labor gigs and forked over my paychecks – just to help put food on the table to feed me and my brother. I’m sharing all of this with you because later in life, when I wrote that book, negative self-talk was very much present. How could it not be? It was only because of my mentor – Tyler – who at the time pushed me to get it done and convinced me that in fact, I was qualified to write it. And the truth is I still have moments of doubt – a lot of them. Now look, I don’t currently suffer from [imposter syndrome](https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/the-mens-self-help/e6-7-ways-to-deal-with-EaVF_J3y9kg/), where I’m constantly worried, I’ll be found out as a fraud and hauled away by the imposter cops. But that doesn’t mean things still don’t pop up and that – if I’m not careful – can cause me to derail. So, I’m going to share with you 7 ways to confront negative self-talk that come from the folks at [Footprints To Recovery](https://footprintstorecovery.com/blog/combat-negative-self-talk/). I’ve linked to this in show notes, which is over at the Guy Counseling Blog. I’ll use this as a framework and then add in my own two cents; something I often do here on the podcast. ## 1 Become aware of negative self-talk At it’s core, this really means knowing what kind of messages you are playing in your head. I really agree with this point because it’s kind of hard to combat toxic thinking if we don’t know the messages playing in our head. An easy way to do this is to start a simple journal. Write down some of what you are thinking – or have been thinking – and look for any patterns. ## 2 Challenge the negative self-statements Once you know more about your negative narrative, it’s time to start pushing back. You know, as I say this, I am reminded of that client I told you about at the start of this podcast – the one who had a panic attack while flying from Denver back to Chicago. In his case, his negative self-statement was: *I deserve to have something bad happen to me. Y*ou see – the day earlier, he had cursed at his wife during a heated argument. And so, one of the things we did over text while he was flying back to Chicago was to help him challenge his negative self-statements. His went something like this: *Does cursing at my wife really mean I deserve to be punished by karma?* By questioning the legitimacy of his negative belief, he started the process of creating change. Make sense? ## 3 Practice positive self-talk This one seems simplistic but sometimes simple works best. By focusing on the positive things in your life, you shift mental states and balance. You know when I told you about my adoptive mom and some of the horrible things she would say to me, I often pulled on the positive in my life so that I wouldn’t derail. Examples included simply being vertical and having the use of my arms and legs. That may sound silly but it’s important to reach for the basics when we’re spiraling downward. ## 4 Step outside of yourself OK, so this suggestion is one that I often recommend to clients. In short, you basically pretend you are with a friend and your buddy is sharing some of his negative self-statements with you. With this in mind, how might you respond to your friend? What would you say to him if he said something like: “I just don’t feel like I have anything to offer anyone romantically?” For real – what would you say to them? Whatever the answer is – write it down. That, right there, is a narrative you can use to counter your negative self-statements. ## 5 Talk it out. I like this one because it can help keep your metaphorical train on the tracks. Essentially, talking it out means speaking with a friend, a counselor, your significant other, brother – whomever. A variation of step four, talking it out provides a real-life sounding board that helps challenge those negative gremlins rumbling around in your mind. Now I will say that the person you choose needs to be a good listener and affirming. If they have a history of minimizing your thoughts or don’t have the capacity to empathize – stay away. ## 6 Put it in a box. Ok, so this one is used when we are struggling to come up with a counter argument for a negative self-statement. And hey, this can sometimes happen as we train our brain to think differently. At any rate, by putting your thought in a box, you give yourself the ability to revisit it later, when your mind is more clear. I personally do this by the way and have found that hours later, when I pull that piece of paper out of the box, I crack up laughing. Why? Simply because the thought I had written down and tucked away was completely irrational. ## 7 Focus on the present This last one is a suggestion that really helps us to stay grounded. When negative self-talk starts up for my clients, I sometimes ask them if they’d be open for a quick walk. When we go outside, I’ll ask them a question like: *Hey, did you just hear that?* They often respond with something like: *Hear what? What’s going on?* It is then I will ask them to refocus and keep listening. “Oh, hey Dr. John – you mean that bird? Yeah, I hear it. Sounds like a sparrow. Wow, I never knew we had sparrows in Chicago.” Now, you see what happened there? In that moment? Instead of ruminating on negative self-statements the person was able to – if just for a moment – be in the here and now. And it is in this way that you can help stop a major derailment. If you are looking for more practical ways to combat negative self-talk, I’d like to recommend a book to you authored by Dr. Shad Helmsetter. It’s called *What To Say When You Talk To Yourself* and it’s filled with practical suggestions, like the ones mentioned here, to create positive change. I’ve put a link in Show Notes if you’d like to check it out \[[link to Amazon](https://amzn.to/2TOW3DP)\]. If you have time, I’d also like to suggest an article to you on this whole topic of derailment. Appearing in [Men’s Health](https://www.menshealth.com/health/a27721209/depression-derailment-theory-psychologists/), Christian Jarrett looks at how men derail and its relationship to depression. I promise you that it is worth reading. And here again, I’ve put a link in Show Notes to the Guy Counseling Blog. So, now just for the sake of reinforcing these points, I’m going to recap them all very quickly: 1 Become aware of your negative self talk 2 Challenge your negative self-statements 3 Practice positive self-talk 4 Step outside yourself 5 Talk it out with someone 6 Put it in a box 7 Focus on the present Now before we move on to our listener email, I’d like to share with you a very special offer from Better Help. It’s worth sticking around. ## Block C: Better Help Promotion Listeners are offered a special 10 percent discount for the first month of sessions through Better Help by visiting [www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj) ## BLOCK D: Listener Email on Re-Entry Anxiety + FOMO This week’s listener email comes to us from a man named Cody who lives in the Pacific Northwest. He actually contacted me through Instagram – but an electronic correspondence all the same. In a moment, I’m going to read what he sent to me and then give you my reply – or at least the essence of it. Are you ready? Alighty, here we go: *Hi, Dr. John,* *I just started subscribing to your podcast and can honestly say that it’s been helping me. If you have time, I’d like to hear your thoughts on something I’m dealing with.* *Now that it seems like things are opening back up up – I’m seeing more posts on social media from my friends that are doing things, like taking trips, going out to clubs, and having a good time.* *There is a big part of me who wants to join them, but I’m hesitant throw myself back into life all at once. I’m worried if I don’t do some of these things soon, I’ll be missing out and have regrets later.* *Have you heard of anyone dealing with this?* *Thanks,* *Cody (27 – Pacific Northwest)* — OK, so that was Cody’s note. Before I get to my response, I’m wondering how many of you listening can relate to what he’s shared? I’m asking you this question, because Cody’s issue has popped up with many of my clients in recent days and weeks. At first glance, his note seems to be all about FOMO – or fear of missing out. And to be sure, some of that is present. But in thinking about what he shared, my sense is there may be more than FOMO going on. At any rate, here’s what I wrote back – at least the essence of it. — *Hi, Cody,* *Let me say thanks so much for making contact and I’m thrilled to hear the podcast has been helpful to you. That means a great deal to me.* *OK, let’s talk about what’s happening right now. While I can’t be sure, my sense is you may be struggling with two unique things, all at once.* *The first is called re-entry anxiety. I say this because you mentioned that you were hesitant to jump back into things – at least right away. I can tell you that at least half of my clients are working through this issue right now.* *So, you may be wondering what re-entry anxiety means?* *Well, at its core, re-entry anxiety is all about the apprehension associated with throttling life back up to full-speed – post pandemic.* *When you think about it – doesn’t this make sense? Many of us have been largely isolated for well over a year and have had to adapt. Some examples include working from home, wearing masks, and limiting our interactions with others.* *Now that the pandemic appears to be easing, we’re seeing a gradual return to normalish – with some places experiencing that return faster than others.* *While this is certainly welcome, it doesn’t mean most of us are able to go from zero to sixty overnight. The human mind doesn’t work that way – it takes time to adapt.* *I’d like to draw your attention to an article that appeared on the website, SELF, authored by Anushree Dave called: Reentry Anxiety: 7 Ways to Deal With Stress About Post-Pandemic Life.* \[[And to listeners, I’ve linked to this piece in Show Notes](https://www.self.com/story/re-entry-anxiety-covid)\]. What I like about this article are the practical suggestions that are made for coping with re-entry anxiety. One of the biggies that stood out to me was the idea of reintroducing activities slowly. An example might be opting to hang out with a few friends at a barbeque and then slowly building up to something bigger, like a night club. So, there’s that. The other issue at play here is likely FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out, which is probably being amplified by that re-entry anxiety I mentioned earlier. I’m going to provide you a link to [episode 18 that touches on social media and FOMO](https://guycounseling.com/time-break-social-media-e18/) – and why there are times in life when we need to take a break from apps like Facebook and Insta. I’m hoping that what you hear will be helpful. That said, with FOMO, one of the most effective ways of working through is to practice gratitude about the good things happening in your life in the here and now. In other words, focus on what you have instead of what you don’t. Write them down, meditate on them and realize that what you see on social isn’t necessarily real. I talked about this in that pod I mentioned earlier because with platforms like Insta and Facebook, there’s a whole lot of people selling an image or a brand. As a result, much of what gets posted is staged – and fake as all get out. Cody, my best advice to you is to ease back into life at a pace that feels comfortable to you. Some might call this a form of exposure therapy. In other words, little by little, you expose yourself to more people and events with the goal of full re-integration. Do it on a timeframe that works for you and not someone else. I hope you stay in touch and let us know how it all works out. Best, Dr. John — Ok, there’s my reply to Cody. You know, recently, my gym went from a strict, everyone must wear masks rule to masks being optional – at least for those who are vaccinated. Speaking for myself, I know it took me time to adjust. In fact, I still am. So, how many of you are dealing with re-entry anxiety? If you are, what would it be like to try some of the suggestions made here? ## BLOCK E: Closeout E31 Negative Thinking Oh man, we went over a great deal today – don’t you think? We talked about the concept of derailment and how, if you aren’t careful, you can wind up in a bad place. Using that framework, we also went over 7 concrete ways to confront negative self-talk with the goal of keeping you on track. Shoot, we even talked about re-entry anxiety and FOMO. Did you get something out of today’s show? I hope you did. Folks, there’s lots of ways to reach me. You can stop by one of my social media pages if you’d like. I’m on Facebook at Guy Counseling – and I’m on Instagram and Twitter, at the same handle. There’s also my website – which is guycounseling.com. You can go there and read some of the articles I’ve written or check out my book – Confusing Love with Obsession. And you can also sign up for my newsletters if you’d like. It will likely have a notification of the podcast – or blog or something that you may find of interest. Short and sweet, I promise. So many of you are sending me questions via email. I love that…I love to read your thoughts and get your feedback. So, for those of you who want to email me, feel free to write me at \[address given on show\]. That said, please know that it may take me a few days to get back to you – but I do read them all – every single one. Finally, I just want to say thanks to the many people who have been leaving reviews on Apple Podcasts. They mean so much. Here’s some of what a listener named Arck shared: I’ve never been into podcasts until recently. When a friend turned me on to this one, Dr. Moore has not only helped to give me insight, but also helped me to project back into the world. So, Arck – thank you for that. You see it’s comments like his that just keep me motivated to create more pods. Truly. So please, if the spirit moves you, please hit the subscribe button and then leave a review – be it on Apple Podcasts or wherever you are listening. Here’s a quick shoutout to our show’s sponsor – Better Help – and to Joel – my sound editor – with East Coast Studio. Well, there you have it – another show. Thank you so much for being here today. Be mindful of your self-talk. Avoid derailment. Try to practice gratitude for the positive things in your life. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John – and this has been – another episode – of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety, derailment, Fomo, negative self-talk, self-talk --- ### [How Do You Know If Meditation Is Working?](https://guycounseling.com/is-meditation-is-working/) **Published:** June 17, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![meditation river stones](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/river-stones.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Is My Meditation Working? People have different reasons for trying meditation – better health, more spiritual awareness, a greater sense of inner peace. The problem is that those results are really hard to quantify. So how do you know if meditation is really helping? It happens often in the early phases of your new meditation regimen. You might start over-analyzing every aspect of your life trying to understand if this whole mediation thing is getting you somewhere. You might even start projecting an air of blissed out calm just because that’s what you think is supposed to happen. Be honest, have you posted any photos of yourself meditating on Instagram? Is it important for other people to see that you’re meditating? Are you waiting for something to just click and then you’ll know that meditation is right for you? In actuality, focusing too much on your progress isn’t helpful at all. Trying to embody the “look” of someone who meditates also isn’t very helpful. On the one hand, you’re paying too much attention to results when it should be all about the experience and the process. On the other hand, you’re conforming to a physical illusion based on what you see from other so-called gurus or enlightened people. ## What Benefits of Meditation Are Scientifically Supported? **Meditation Helps You Concentrate On Specific Tasks** An interesting [study](https://www.pnas.org/content/108/50/20254.short) from Yale in 2011 found a link between meditation and the so-called “monkey mind”. Specifically, study participants displayed a greater ability to quiet and focus their minds if they engaged in mindfulness meditation. Being able to control and quiet the monkey mind leads to less rumination and fewer depressive thoughts about the past or anxious thoughts about the future. **Meditation Can Help Your Mind Stay Younger** A [study](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.01551/full) from UCLA in 2015 found that people who meditated regularly had greater mental flexibility later in life. Participants in the study had been meditating for 20 years or more. The researchers observed that these participants had greater volume of grey matter in their brains than older people who didn’t meditate. They had greater cognitive functions and neuroplasticity. Meditation Can Replace Antidepressants [Research](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/1809754) out of Johns Hopkins in 2014 found a strong correlation between mindfulness meditation and reductions in depression and anxiety. The effect of meditation observed by the research team equaled the same effects as antidepressants. In essence, meditation can help to train the mind to experience fewer depressive thoughts and emotions. **Meditation Can Help You Sleep Better** The [results](https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article/37/9/1553/2416992) of a comprehensive trial published in a 2014 edition of *Sleep* journal found that meditation helps to improve sleep patterns. The researchers looked at different mindfulness meditation programs and found that people who meditated were able to stay asleep longer and had fewer instances of insomnia. ## Small Signs and Indicators that Meditation is Working For You Meditation and mindfulness are all about being in the moment, but it’s only natural to try and track your progress. When meditation is new to you, it could be helpful to notice and appreciate small changes that can provide motivation to keep going. Here are a few changes that you might become aware of as you grow in your journey. **Increased Concentration** You might start to develop better concentration. You can test this ability as you meditate by counting. It might seem very silly or just too simple, but it’s actually quite difficult to count without interruption or distraction. **Related:** [A beginner’s guide to meditating](https://guycounseling.com/meditation-guide-beginners/) So, see if you can count to 20 or 30 without any interrupting thoughts. This is a good sign that your level of concentration has increased. **Better Posture** Once you’ve been meditating for awhile, you’re sure to become more aware of your posture. During the course of the day, you might make minor adjustments to the way you sit while working or pull your shoulders back more while you’re walking. Meditating increases your awareness of self. So, if you’re slouching less then there’s a good chance that meditation is working for you. **Feeling More Rested** You might not notice it at first but think about how you feel when you wake up in the morning. Try to recall how you felt a week or even a few months ago. Do you feel rested? Do you hit the snooze button a few times or do you feel ready to get out of the bed right away? There’s scientific evidence to support the claim that meditation improves your sleep quality. **Greater Attention to Your Breathing** A big part of meditation is breathwork. If meditation is working for you, then you’ll probably take greater notice of the rhythm and patterns of your breathing. You might take a few deep breaths as a response to stressful situations. If your awareness of how you breathe has increased, then meditation is working. ## The Takeaway One of the key takeaways of meditation is an increased awareness of what’s going on inside yourself. You’ll become more aware of your thoughts and have greater control over your emotions. It’s a subtle art and the fruits of meditation aren’t always so apparent. One thing’s for sure, you shouldn’t obsess about the results. One of the best indicators of your progress is caring less about your progress. Meditation is a lifelong practice. Its benefits are both intrinsic and extrinsic at the same time. Other people might even notice the changes more than you. So, ask a friend or loved one if they’ve noticed anything different about you. You just might be surprised at the responses you’ll receive from others who appreciate your efforts. — Main image by Alejandro Piñero Amerio from [Pixabay](https://pixabay.com/photos/river-tea-mi%c3%b1o-mouth-galicia-5330961/) **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Inner Peace, Meditation, Mindfulness --- ### [Is Erotic Hypnosis Real (Podcast - E30)](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-real-30/) **Published:** June 16, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![erotic hypnosis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/erotic-hypnosis-1.jpg?resize=560%2C319&ssl=1)Erotic Hypnosis Revealed Erotic hypnosis – you may have heard of this term, but what does it mean? Is [erotic hypnosis even real](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.1958.10401768?journalCode=ujhy20)? The answer is yes, but it may not be exactly what you think. In episode 30 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, sponsored by [Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj), Dr. John Moore offers a basic definition of hypnosis and then explores the similarities between hypnosis and guided imagery. Additionally, Moore takes a deep dive into erotic hypnosis – ferreting out myths verses the realities. As part of the show, you’ll hear a listener’s email from a man who has experienced a sudden change in his libido and isn’t sure what to do about it. Moore points out why these types of situations can act as a red-flag. ## Take-Aways From Show - A working definition of hypnosis - An overview of erotic hypnosis - An exploration of fact verses fiction of erotic hypnosis - Some examples of how this type of hypnosis can be used to enhance intimacy. - A discussion of how clinical hypnotherapy differs from relaxation hypnosis. - Why it is important for men to visit the doctor when a sudden change of libido happens. ## Resources/Articles Mentioned In Podcast - Article in [*The Sun*](https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8200901/hands-free-orgasm-hypnotic-youtube-video-intense/) with quote from Dr. Moore on Erotic Hypnosis, authored by Haley Richardson. - Trailer to the movie [Office Space](https://youtu.be/dMIrlP61Z9s) starring Jennifer Aniston and Ron Livingston. - Biography of Dr. Milton Erickson, a giant in the field of hypnosis – see [Good Therapy website](https://www.goodtherapy.org/famous-psychologists/milton-erickson.html). - [Thor’s Hammer Viking Meditation](https://guycounseling.com/viking-meditation-thors-hammer/) blog post with recording. - *Mind Play: A Guide To Erotic Hypnosis* by Mark Wiseman [on Amazon](https://amzn.to/34I9Azv). - Self-Hypnosis for Dummies by Mike Bryant and Peter Mabutt [on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470660732?ie=UTF8). - [10 Facts on erotic hypnosis with poll article](10%20Facts%20About%20Erotic%20Hypnosis%20Based%20in%20Science). [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1975987373&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1975987373/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1975987373&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=c859064f5a8440a1c647c6eab6fa9f38) ## Listen To The Podcast On [Apple](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mens-self-help-podcast/id1465473031) [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) [iHeart Radio](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-the-mens-self-help-podcast-46370862/) [Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/show/guy-counseling-radio) ## Show Transcripts Hello and welcome to episode 30 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore. I’m a licensed mental health counselor out of Chicago, Illinois and I’ve been working as a counselor – in some form – for the better part of 15 years. Aside from talk-therapy, I’m also a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist – a topic we’ll go into a bit more later on. And in addition to all of that – I also teach courses in psychology and in business. So, I started this podcast a few years ago because I wanted to go beyond the walls of my practice and try to reach three groups of men. The first group are guys who are all about self-improvement and are naturally to material that relates to anything related to self-improvement and wellness. **That’s group one.** The second group are men who may be working on some type of life challenge, such as anxiety, depression – a relationship problem – stuff like that – and listen to shows like this to help them on their journey. These same guys may even be in therapy right now or are curious about what it might be like to work with a counselor. **So, that’s group two.** And then there’s this third group – these are my stoic types. I say this because guys like this are never, ever going to come knocking on the door of someone like me, a therapist, to talk about issues going on in their life. To them, I’m about as popular as a preacher at a stag party – but – these same men might be curious enough about a show’s topic to tap on an app and listen to something they’re curious about. So, if you identify with any of these groups, welcome – I’m delighted you are here. Oh – and a quick side note. I recognize that women also subscribe to this podcast for a variety of reasons, including a genuine desire to better understand the male mind and to gain some type of insight regarding the man in their life. And so, if you are a woman listening today, here’s a big welcome! Quick disclaimer: This podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling or medical advice and I’m not your personal therapist. If you’ve been listening to the show for a while, which is being sponsored by [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling) – you likely know that I like to provide concrete tools for working through life challenges. Sometimes these tools are simply informational and other times, they are action items. The reason I do this is because over the years, I have found that men – in the general sense – are fixers. We like to have real world solutions for addressing various problems – or at least options. Speaking of options, this brings us to today’s show topic: **Erotic Hypnosis**. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been approached about this topic over the years. Almost always – the question is the same: *Is erotic hypnosis real?* Maybe you’ve wondered about it? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been approached about this topic by different people – men and women alike. In fact, in 2019, I was contacted by a reporter at the Sun – over in the United Kingdom – to get my thoughts. I’ve put a link in Show Notes to the articles so you can check it out \[[link to Sun article](https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8200901/hands-free-orgasm-hypnotic-youtube-video-intense/)\]. So, given the wide amount of interest, I’ll go over some specific information about erotic hypnosis and myth verses reality. And yes folks, erotic hypnosis is a real thing. But it may not be what some might think. So, we’re going to talk about that. We’ll explore a listener email from a man who says he loves his girlfriend but struggles with making a physical connection. Can you relate to this? Are you dating someone now where the emotional connection exists, but when it comes to the physical, there’s much to be desired? We’ll be going over a lot today. I’m very glad you are here. ![erotic hypnosis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/erotic-hypnosis-graphic.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Erotic Hypnosis Insights ## BLOCK B Most people have some familiarity with hypnosis because they’ve been exposed to it on television or in movies. Does this describe you? Or maybe you were at a Las Vegas show, where a volunteer from the audience was asked to come up on stage. Moments later, they were in a deep trance and began flapping their arms and clucking like a chicken. Cluck, Cluck, Cluck … haha. Gosh, you know when I was a teen, I saw something like this happen at a carnival, where a female attendee was hypnotized and then moments later, began belting out songs like Tina Turner. Haha – that was so cool – and amazing. But you know, as fun as it is to think about hypnosis and the mystique that surrounds it, there’s also a lot of misinformation floating around. And folks this is particularly true when it comes to erotic hypnosis. Can I be real with you? There is just no way in this one podcast that I can cover all of the falsehoods and stereotypes that are out there about hypnotherapy. There’s just too many. But what can do is give you a very basic, easy to understand definition of hypnosis and then move about the business of ferreting out fact from fiction – with an eye on the erotic. My hope in offering this information is foundational in nature. Think of it as psycho-education – as we say in the field. Are you ready? At its core, hypnosis is nothing more than a natural state of heightened awareness. And believe it or not, it’s something that happens to all of us on a regular basis. Let me ask you a question: Have you ever driven your car on the highway and found yourself in deep thought? perhaps you were listening to some music and just feeling super relaxed – your mind focused elsewhere. At some point, you realized that you had missed your exit a few miles back. Kind of shocked, you said to yourself, “How on earth did that happen?” So, what do you think? Can you relate? If the answer is yes, well, you were in a hypnotic state – or at least something trancelike. And here’s the thing – it is during these heightened states of calm whereby suggestions can be made. Moreover, these suggestions can happen directly or indirectly – through metaphor and even storytelling. **So, now that you have something experiential to relate to, let’s turn our attention erotic hypnosis.** Right off the bat, it’s important I share with you that there’s no widely agreed upon definition of erotic hypnosis. All I can do is give you mine. Here it goes: In the general sense, erotic hypnosis is a form of non-clinical relaxation hypnosis. In this state, a person can be willingly guided into a place of deep calm, where are open to certain suggestions. First, notice I said **willingly**. That’s because when a person is hypnotized, they are completely aware of their surroundings and everything that’s happening around them – just like you were awake in that car example I mentioned earlier. Second, in order to enter into a state of hypnosis, a person needs to be open to the experience. If they come into it with a closed mind – well, not much is going to happen. Third, erotic hypnosis does not – **I repeat does not** – involve mind control. I’m laughing now because I’m thinking about the ridiculously funny film, *Office Space*, starring Jennifer Aniston and Ron Livingston. In the movie, Livingston’s character is hypnotized and essentially becomes a new person – and oh by the way, open to new possibilities. I won’t spoil the plot for you – but I will say that if you haven’t seen it, you should check it out. I’ve [linked to the trailer in Show Notes](https://youtu.be/dMIrlP61Z9s) on the Guy Counseling Blog. But back to the topic. So, you may be wondering: 1 What can erotic hypnosis be used for? 2 Who can do the hypnotizing? 3 Does it hypnosis really work? Let’s tackle that first about what it can be used for. In my experience, the answer is a lot of things. Probably the biggest one is fantasy and role play. And if you think about it, it kind of makes sense. Let’s say you and your partner want to add some spice to things but aren’t sure how to do it. You know what I mean – things have gotten a bit stale. So, one of you brings up the idea of role play – haha, but – sadly – that’s where the conversation ends. And the reason that idea goes nowhere is because it just feels weird is because it just feels weird for you – or your partner – to think of yourself as some character, such as a king or queen, or a doctor or police officer. You get my drift. But here is the thing – if the *both* of you are open to erotic hypnosis, it may be possible to step into one of those roles and make the fantasy become a reality. Well, at least in the bedroom. I’m reminded now of a client of mine – we’ll call him Kevin. He and his partner had a agreed to a role play scenario whereby Kevin would become the plumber. But for the life of him, Kevin couldn’t step into character. Bear in mind that the man was a highly stressed IT professional who struggled with anxiety. By helping him tap into the power of hypnosis, I encouraged him to create a state of calm and then visualize himself as “Hank the plumber.” In this way, he was able to greatly reduce his anxiety, which was most centered on feeling like he would look like a fool in front of his partner. Well, the long and the short of it is that after some practice, Kevin was able to transform into Hank. What’s more, he and his significant other were able to enjoy the fantasy – and become closer as a couple. Sort of cool, don’t you think? OK, so another example of how erotic hypnosis can be used is to address feelings of physical discomfort. Now hey, this is a clean podcast, so I am going to be speaking in generalities. Let’s just say, for example, that you and your mate are open to using some type of toy – but struggle with getting into it. Or maybe someone fears physical discomfort or is the rigid type, thereby creating a mental barrier. Well, with an open mind, erotic hypnosis *may help* to create a highly relaxed state whereby experiencing that discomfort is now possible. In other words, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no discomfort and 10 being highly uncomfortable, the hypnotic experience may dial things down from a 9 to a 2. Make sense? Let me re-emphasize that both people need to be open to the experience – and agree to do it. I can’t emphasize that enough. For those of you listening who were hoping to magically turn an unwilling mate into some type of submissive thing – I hate to break it to you – hypnosis doesn’t work that way. Finally, I will say that hypnosis, which in some ways blurs lines with guided imagery and mindfulness, has been used to help some men with erectile dysfunction. Remember earlier when I mentioned that hypnosis can happen with the use of a metaphor? Well, it’s true. Dr. Milton Erickson, perhaps one of the most famous hypnotherapists of all time, frequently used metaphors as part of his work. Through metaphor and storytelling, Erikson tapped into the subconscious and accessed the active imagination – a place where new possibilities exist and solutions to problems reside. I’ve put a link up in Show Notes to [Erikson’s biography over on Good Therapy](https://www.goodtherapy.org/famous-psychologists/milton-erickson.html#:~:text=(1901%2D1980)-,Milton%20Erickson%20(1901%2D1980),American%20Society%20for%20Clinical%20Hypnosis.) if you want to learn more. Anyway, in my experience, many men who struggle with ED do so because of performance anxiety. Is this something you can relate to? Well, if you can, you already know how badly it can suck. All it takes is one wet noodle experience to lose your confidence. Haha, see how I used a metaphor there? At any rate, you probably are wondering how hypnosis help in these situations? Well, leaning into the guided imagery I mentioned earlier, metaphor-focused hypnosis may help to generate positive change by dialing down your anxiety and increasing confidence. Are you curious what this might be like? Well, I encourage you to go back to episode 22 of this podcast and listen to the Thor’s Hammer Viking meditation I created. All I can tell you is that within a few moments, it will become very obvious what all the metaphors are about and how, through creative visualization, you can use this as a tool for change. I’ve put a note in show notes to the original post I created on this topic for you to check out \[[Link to Viking Meditation on Guy Counseling Blog](https://guycounseling.com/viking-meditation-thors-hammer/)\]. Oh, by the way, it is important for me to state now that ED can be caused by specific medical conditions. Always get checked out by your doctor to rule these types of issues out. Enough said. Now let’s talk about who can do the hypnotizing and if you should seek out the services of a professional hypnotist? I will tell you what I share with my clients. All hypnosis is really self-hypnosis. In other words, it is a skill you are being taught that you can use on and for yourself. I recognize this goes against what we see in popular culture, but I’m just being real with you. So, just like you might work with a meditation instructor to teach you how to meditate, the same holds true for a hypnotist. Follow me? If you don’t have any experience with hypnosis, it may make sense to find a professional in your area and ask them about their expertise. I can tell you now that most won’t advertise themselves for “erotic hypnosis” services. But many will use terms like “enhanced intimacy” and “greater sexual satisfaction”. Now here is what you need to know. There is a big difference between clinical hypnotherapy and relaxation focused hypnosis. With clinical hypnotherapy, it is almost always used as an adjunct to treat a mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression. In my own clinical work, I often combine cognitive behavior therapy with hypnosis as part of a comprehensive treatment approach. So, when see that word “clinical”, think treatment. On the other hand, relaxation focused hypnosis – which is offered by many lay hypnotists – with many examples that can be found on You Tube – is typically non-clinical. Here, the hypnotist helps guide your mind to a place of calm and teaches you self-regulation skills. Affirmations and metaphors are often used as part of the experience. This is why I was saying earlier that hypnosis – at least this form of it – is similar to guided imagery. When the conditions are right, you’ll learn how to shift states, step into different reality, and generate new possibilities. Make sense? Now look, if you aren’t comfortable with seeing a hypnotist, you can also learn some basic hypnotic skills on your own. One of the books I recommend is: *Mind Play: A Guide To Erotic Hypnosis* by Mark Wiseman. I’ve put a [link to Amazon](https://amzn.to/34I9Azv) in Show Notes on the Guy Counseling Blog if you’d like to check it out. I also recommend Self-Hypnosis for Dummies by Mike Bryant and Peter Mabutt ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/3uV0f1O)) . I’ve linked to this one on the blog as well. Finally, let’s address that final question: Does hypnosis really work? The straightforward answer is that for many people, it does. I’m not saying everyone. But when you think about it, the same holds true for other wholistic approaches, such as aromatherapy, biofeedback, and meditation. It just depends on the person, their openness to the experience and the given goal. Well, I’m hoping you found this part of the show helpful. If you want to learn more about this topic, I’ve posted a link in show notes to an article I penned called [10 Facts About Erotic Hypnosis Based in Science](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-10-facts-you-might-not-know/). Now before we move on to this week’s listener email, I’d like to tell you about a very special offer from the folks at Better Help. ## BLOCK C: BETTER HELP PROMOTION Listeners to the Podcast are given a very special offer from Better Help – an online therapy platform. You’ll receive a 10% discount for signing up using this [special link](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj). BLOCK D: LISTENER EMAIL This week’s listener email comes to us from a man named Scott in Montreal. He’s got a problem that I bet a lot of listeners can relate to and not sure what to do about it. Now if you’ve been following the podcast for a while, you probably know this topic has come up before – at least in some form. So, I’m going to paraphrase what Scott wrote to me and then offer my response. Ready? Here it goes: *Hi, Dr. John. What a cool podcast – I heard about it from a buddy and just started following. I’m writing because I’m 25 years old and in love with this girl who I’ve been dating for just over a year.* *We get along great, and I really like spending time with her. At one time, we use to get it on all the time, like daily. But in recent months, not so much. And the truth is I don’t have sexual energy towards anyone – it’s like something is missing.* *I feel like I’m faking it whenever we do our thing and worry that at some point, she’s going to see through me and figure things out. I don’t want to hurt her.* *How can you love someone, yet not be physically attracted them at the same time? Do you have any advice here?* *Dig the show – thanks for making these and it’s OK to use my email to you in the podcast.* *Cheers,* *Scott in Montreal.* — OK, so that’s Scott wrote. How many of you can relate to this? His question at the end was particularly poignant, don’t ya think? Where he wanted to know how it’s possible to love someone – in the romantic sense – yet not hold that physical connection. I’m going to read to you what I wrote back to Scott, weaving in and out as I comment to him and you as the listener. Check it out: *“Hi, Scott, let me first say thanks for reaching out and for following the podcast. You honor me by taking the time to listen and sending over this email.* *With that said, I can absolutely hear in your email – almost as if you were in my office -that you are deeply conflicted.* *On the one hand, you are emotionally into the relationship. On the other hand, you feel that physical attraction – that animalistic thing – is missing. And then there is the whole guilt and shame thing you have going on because you think your mate will sense what is going on inside.* *Scott, can I level with you? If the both of you are as close as it sounds, my sense is your girlfriend has already intuited what’s up. I don’t mean to generalize here but if you two are as close as you say, it just makes sense that she’d be tuned into what going on – at least on some level. She may even have hinted at this. Search your memories and see what pops up for you.* *Now here is the thing you need to know. There are different kinds of love and different attachment styles. Way back in* [*episode 12*](https://apple.co/3w2743a)*, I did a whole show about this. If you haven’t had the chance to listen, I encourage you to do so.* *With all of that said, you mentioned that there was a time where the two of were frequently intimate – but in the last few months, there has been a change.* *I’m not a medical doctor, but I can tell you that I’ve seen more situations that I can shake a stick at where a guy has something physically going on that negatively influences his libido.* *During COVID, this has come up a LOT – and I mean a lot – where men have been found to have lower levels of vitamin D because they weren’t getting enough of it naturally – meaning from sunlight. I’ve also seen some of these same men have a lower libido because of some type of mood issue, which in some way was exacerbated by the pandemic. And if you’ve been on a new medication, such as an anti-depressant, this can also impact physical desires.* *The reason I am bringing all of this up is because of the change you described – meaning the desire was there – and it sounds like it was there strongly – and then suddenly it wasn’t. And so, I guess what you are hearing me say is that it is important to visit your doctor and get a physical. Rule out any medical causes for the change in your libido. Once you get that done, you’ll be in a much better position to explore other causes.* *With that out of the way, I highly encourage you to talk to your girlfriend about this issue. While I could be wrong, my sense is this isn’t about your physical attraction towards this woman – the clue being that you aren’t feeling sexual towards anyone.* *So, what would it be like to talk with her about this issue? If you couch it as something to do with you – and not her – it may be helpful to your situation and frankly, bring you both closer to together.* *Scott, I hope you follow through on my suggestion here and go visit your doctor. Write back and let us know what happened.* *Warmly,* *Dr. John*, — So there was my response to Scott. You know guys, it was just last year that I had a man share a near identical problem with me at my office. To cut to the chase, his doctor did some tests and discovered that he was struggling with an underlying urinary tract infection. Once he got that treated, it changed everything for him – at least in the bedroom. This is why I always recommend going to the doctor whenever there is a sudden change in libido. In many cases, there’s something else going on at the root of the problem. Have you experienced any sudden changes in your sexual desire? What about your mood and disposition? If the answer is yes, when is the last time you had a checkup? BLOCK E: CLOSEOUT We certainly discussed a number of different issues in today’s podcast – didn’t we.  With a wide-angle perspective, we explored a basic definition of hypnosis. Then, we used that information as a jumping board to dive deep into erotic hypnosis. Finally, we went over a listener email from a man who experienced a sudden change in his libido – and then looked at how these types of situations may serve as red flags for something else – possibly – going on. We covered a lot – don’t ya think? Let me just say now – thanks so much for listening today. If you haven’t done so already, I’d love it if you hit the follow button – or subscribe button – using whatever app you are listening with. Apparently, the more people who follow the podcast, the better it shows up algorithmically, when people search for these types of shows. Thank you so much for that. Did you know there’s lots of ways to reach me? Yep, there is. You can stop by my website at Guycounseling.com. You can also stop by one of my social media pages. I’m on Facebook at Guy Counseling. I’m also on Twitter and Instagram with the same handle. And hey – if you’d like to send me an email – please do. Whatever you send will remain confidential. I won’t share it with anyone unless you give me permission. I promise. My email addy is \[shared on show\]. I try to get back to everyone who writes fairly quickly, but it may take me a few days because of the other work I do as a counselor and educator. I’d also like to take a moment to say thanks to the many people who have been leaving reviews for this show on Apple Podcasts. I obviously read them all and am filled with gratitude whenever I see a new one. Here what someone recently wrote – a woman named Olivia: *One of my friends recommended this podcast to me. She found it really great – and I agree with her. I’ve finally found something to help me with my mental health issues and couldn’t stop listening. I really like the techniques.* And see, it’s comments like hers that keep me going to make more of these shows. So, thank you for that Olivia – truly. Her comment is proof positive women – not just men – tune into this podcast. So, if you are a listener, please feel free to share your thoughts on Apple Podcasts, or whatever medium you may be listening. It means so much. Well, that’s it folks – another show. Thank you to Better Help for sponsoring this podcast – and to [Joel with East Coast Studio](https://eastcoaststudio.ca/), who I’ve recently started working with as my sound engineer. I appreciate you being here today. Be open to new things. Be OK with stepping into new experiences. Remember to pay attention to sudden changes in your libido. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John – and this has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts **Tags:** Affiliate, Erotic Hypnosis, intimacy, Meditation --- ### [Is Perfectly Hidden Depression a Book Worth Buying?](https://guycounseling.com/perfectly-hidden-depression-book-review/) **Published:** June 13, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man reading book](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/man-reading-book.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Book Review: Perfectly Hidden Depression Perfectly Hidden Depression, authored by Dr. Margaret Rutherford is a book many people are talking about, but is it worth buying? Can it really help people struggling with depression, anxiety, and issues connected to perfectionism – particularly men? In this brief post, I’m going to share with you my thoughts on this book from the perspective of a mental health counselor, self-help consumer and, host of the [Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET). ## Review of Book After spending time with this book and partaking in the different activities suggested, I have to say this is one of the most profound, life-changing books that I’ve ever read. From the male perspective, I can also say that this is exactly the type of resource men need who struggle with mood-related challenges, such as depression and anxiety. **Here’s what you’ll get from this book:** - Key insight about why you may feel the need to be perfect. - A deeper understanding of why you may hold self-destructive beliefs. - Tools for examining your inner-critic and how to create change. - Reflection exercises designed to spark self-insight. - Strategies for moving to a new, more positive direction. - The important message of learning why asking for help is not a sign of being weak – but instead, being strong. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1684033586&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1684033586/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1684033586&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=c9c5b53be01bea1f299b0efb2cc04601) While Rutherford’s book is designed for all people, it may be helpful for men to read because so many of us are starving for emotional and psychological resources. The material she covers inside is deep but straightforward. I particularly liked stage three of her book where she provides 10 directions to move forward, using a combination of [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/), coupled with affirmations. Here’s the thing: According to data published by the American Psychological Association, [nine percent of men](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers) living in the United States struggle with some form of depression and anxiety. Those numbers are likely higher if you ask me because men are extremely hesitant to talk about their true feelings. Additionally, something like 30% of men have reported going through a depressive period at some point in their lifetime, according to a [JAMA study](http://archpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=1733742). Finally, the suicide rate among men is four times higher than among women, per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, as cited on the [APA webpage](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers). While women make attempts at suicide more frequently than guys, men are more likely to complete. I’m mentioning all of this as background to the [crisis of loneliness so many men face](https://psychcentral.com/blog/life-goals/2017/12/lonely-men) in the United States. This is something I wrote about not too long ago on the PsychCentral Website. ## YES – Worth Buying! And so, the bottom line is this – guys need tangible resources to support their psychological and emotional wellbeing. This is why *Perfectly Hidden Depression* is a MUST read for men and is absolutely worth buying.  You can purchase online at [Amazon](https://amzn.to/3cGbB3p). If you’d like to learn more about this book, I encourage you to head on over to [Dr. Rutherford’s website](https://drmargaretrutherford.com/perfectlyhiddendepressionbook/). She frequently talks about this resource on her podcast, Self-Work. I’ve put a link to her show, plus several others on the [best podcasts for anxiety and depression page](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/). Well, there you have it – my review of Perfectly Hidden Depression. If you are looking for a resource to help you better understand issues with perfectionism, self-concept, and depression, you’ll want to check this one out. For real. **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Anxiety, Books, Depression, perfectionism --- ### [Recognizing Your Emotions and Feelings](https://guycounseling.com/recognizing-your-emotions-feelings/) **Published:** June 7, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![man feelings](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/man-feelings.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Feelings and Emotions: A Closer Look Do you ever struggle with emotions? Do you ever find yourself wondering what you’re feeling, whether you’re angry or sad or just confused? Emotions and feelings are temporary but they’re very important indicators of our well-being. Sometimes, men fail to properly identify how they’re feeling, or they might even manipulate their feelings so that they’re always angry or pump themselves up with a false sense of bravado and confidence just because these emotions are easier to recognize and understand. Why is this important? Well, there is scientific evidence that suggest men have a difficult time recognizing different emotions. Women seem to handle the task much better than men. A research team from the University of Montreal published [their findings](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091021125133.htm) in a 2019 issue of *Neuropsychologia.* The researchers used actors to simulate facial expressions that conveyed different emotions and feelings such as anger or disgust. In the study, 23 men and 23 women were asked to quickly categorize the facial expressions into different categories of emotions. The women greatly outperformed the men in this study. Some evolutionary psychologists believe that women are just hardwired to recognize emotions better than men because of their roles as caregivers. However, there could be other reasons such as the importance of social hierarchy. One of the lead researchers pointed out, “These gender studies are necessary for researchers to better understand mental diseases which have a strong gender component. That means they affect men and women differently. Autism is a good example, because it affects more men than women and one of its features is the difficulty in recognizing emotions.” Well, we want to level the playing field when it comes to recognizing emotions and feelings. Language can be a powerful tool in understanding what’s going on inside your head. You might not want to acknowledge that you’re feeling sad because that has such a negative or weak connotation for men. However, if you reframed *sad* to look something more like *dismayed* or *heavy*, then you might be able to process it better. Related: [Are Emotions Shared Online Contagious?](https://guycounseling.com/online-emotions-study/) Let’s break this down into two categories – negative and positive emotions. ## Acknowledging and Understanding Negative Emotions **Anger** It’s one of the most primal emotions and one of the easiest emotions for men to access and understand. You might recognize it if you feel bitter, disgusted, or furious. Your body might get warm, or you might start to sweat. Anger can also look like resentment, irritation, and annoyance as it creeps to the surface. **Sadness** As mentioned earlier, sadness can be difficult for men to process because you might have been conditioned to think of sadness as a form of weakness. Men feel sad. It can feel like a heaviness in your chest or a dull ache in your limbs. You might be sad if you feel dejected, frustrated, upset, or heartbroken. **Confusion** Confusion is a type of emotion; it’s a feeling that relates to anxiety. When you feel confused, you’re conflicted about what actions you should take and what words to say. Confusion can be reframed as feeling embarrassed, hesitant, or lost. You might notice a tenseness in your back or shoulders. It might also make you feel pessimistic about the future and even the present moment. **Related:** [7 Ways to Stop Obsessive Thinking Podcast](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-stop-obsessive-thinking/) **Hurt** Feeling hurt is another one of those difficult emotions for men. It’s often seen as a weakness and some men try to turn those feelings into anger or suppress them altogether. Feeling hurt is hard to manage because it implies that someone has taken advantage of you and that makes dealing with trauma difficult for men. Try to remember that even lions are wounded and it’s no symptom of weakness to have suffered. How you overcome it is a testament to your strength. **Fear** It’s perfectly normal to feel fear. Yet, you might not be able to recognize fear because of your perceptions about the word itself. Yet, you can reframe fear as simply feeling overwhelmed, terrified, or scared. Fear might feel like a tightness in the pit of your stomach or tenseness in your back. You can release fear through breathing exercises and logically challenging the object that triggers your fear response. Related: [Do You Know These Five Hidden Emotions?](https://guycounseling.com/hidden-emotions-revealed/) ## What Does Feeling Good Really Feel Like? **Happy** You might think that happiness is an easy emotion to recognize. You smile and you feel great inside. Did you know that being amused, delighted, enthusiastic or even joyful are other ways to describe happiness? By exploring deeper meanings for happiness, you can open yourself up to even more opportunities to feel one of our greatest emotions. **Strong** Most men want to feel strong. It’s physical language that is often used to describe how we’re feeling. You might say that you feel strong when you’re meeting your goals, being tenacious, or making bold decisions. Yet, you shouldn’t confuse this emotion with other feelings or thoughts. Try to keep the word strong in reserve for expressions of physical temperament so that you don’t overuse it. **Confident** This might be a better expression to use when you’re feeling strong. When you feel confident, you’re being brave, assertive, and self-loving. You might notice that you stick your chest out more and hold your head higher. You feel relaxed in your body and energized. Feeling confident is great, but when you abuse confidence, it manifests itself as egotism and vanity. So, keep confidence in check. **Curious** When was the last time that you remember feeling curious? It’s an amazing emotion that men often don’t recognize. It comes about when you’re feeling enchanted by the world around you, when new experiences or new people spark your passion, or when you are pleasantly surprised. You might feel tingly in your body, energized, or even playful. Curiosity helps you to create new ideas and experiences. So, be sure to look for things and people who provide you with a sense of exhilaration and mystique. **Focused** This is a positive feeling that often leads to increased productivity and confidence. When you feel focused, your mind, body and spirit are in alignment. You feel more creative, healthy, and refreshed. Yet, you might think that this is just a sense of confidence or strength. Of course, feeling focused is related to those other feelings, but in a singular state, feeling focused and recognizing when you’re not feeling focused can help you better understand your own temperament. ## Wrapping Up Emotions and feelings come and go. Sometimes, before you’ve even processed why you felt a certain way, the feeling is gone again. According to scientific research, men have a difficult time recognizing emotions and part of the reason could be that men lack the language to describe what they’re feeling. Some emotions carry negative connotations that men simply don’t want to associate with. In those cases, it might be helpful to think of other ways to describe how you’re feeling. For example, if you don’t want to admit that you feel hurt, then you can reframe that emotion in a way that’s more beneficial for you. Getting to know your emotions is a way of getting to know yourself and a better understanding of your own inner mechanics will benefit you and the world around you. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Emotions, Feelings --- ### [7 Ways To Dial Down Perfectionism (E29)](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-reduce-perfectionism-29/) **Published:** June 4, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![perfectionism 21](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/perfectionism-post-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How To Dial Down Perfectionism Hello and welcome to [episode 29 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://open.spotify.com/episode/0H9X4Ua4IlbJgg95a29vpL). I’m your host, Dr. John Moore. I’m a licensed Mental Health Counselor in Chicago, Illinois and I’ve been involved with counseling and coaching for over 15 years. You know, as I say that, it’s hard to believe how fast the time has gone by. Just wow. At any rate, aside from the work I do as a therapist, I also teach college courses in psychology and business. So, here is the thing. I started this podcast awhile back because I wanted to reach three specific groups of men: The first are guys who are all about health and wellness and naturally gravitate towards anything related to self-improvement. That’s one. The second group are men who may have some experience with therapy. Here, I am talking about folks who have sought guidance for anxiety or depression or maybe couples therapy. So, that’s two. And then there’s this third group. These are men who are just never going to come see a person like me, a therapist, for issues going on in their life. It’s just not happening – but – they might just be interested enough in a topic to tap on an app and listen to a podcast that focuses on something they can relate to. So, if you fall into any of these groups, let me just say I’m thrilled you are here. Oh, and before I forget – I recognize that women also listen to this -which makes sense. In many cases, they just want a different viewpoint on the male mind and are hoping to gain some insight into the man in their life, such as a boyfriend or husband. Regardless of the reason, if you are a woman tuning in today, here’s a big welcome! Now quick disclaimer. This podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for therapy or mental health counseling. If you have been following this show for a while, which is being sponsored by [Better Help](https://guycounseling.com/v7mj), you probably know that I like to provide concrete tools for working through various life challenges. Here, I am talking about action items. In my private practice with clients, this sometimes means homework, but you get my drift. Over the years, I have found that men – in the general sense – are wired to be fixers. We like have options and solutions for addressing the problems we face. Speaking of problems, this brings us to today’s topic: **Perfectionism**. Is this something you can relate to? I have a feeling for some of you listening, you absolutely can. At its best, perfectionism helps keep us on our toes and churn out something of quality, like some type of report or presentation. But – at its worst, perfectionism gets stuck in this place called analysis paralysis, which can translate into inaction and self-doubt. And it gets worse. For some men, the need to be perfect in everything they do can be such that it precludes them from new opportunities, thereby cheating them from experiencing new things or experiencing growth. Does any of what I’ve just shared resonate with you? If the answer is yes, get ready – because we’re going to talk about it. As part of our exploration, we’ll also discuss 7 ways to dial down the need to be perfect with the goal of generating greater happiness. So, we’ll talk about that. We’ll also discuss a listener email from a guy who struggles with body image issues and wants to create change but isn’t sure where to begin. Are you a man who isn’t happy with your physique? Do you want to do something about are feeling stuck? If the questions resonate, keep listening. We’re going to be covering a lot today. I’m very glad you’re here. ## Block B: Perfectionism We’re talking about perfectionism today and how, when left unchecked, it can be erode your self-esteem and prevent you from reaching important life goals. You know, as I was putting together today’s show, I couldn’t help but think about my own struggles with perfectionism. Things have gotten better – don’t get me wrong – but it’s not like I’ve completely nipped this issue in the bud. Right now, you are experiencing me as a podcast host and counselor. But long before I entered the field of mental health, I worked in the corporate sector. This was a lifetime ago but back in the day, I was employed at several big firms in various industries and companies like IBM. What kind of work: Think marketing, management, sales – stuff like that. At any rate, I’m sharing this with you because back then, my need to be perfect was off the chart. I’ll never forget the time when I was working at a tech outfit and my boss asked me to create a presentation for senior leadership. If memory serves me, it was related to some new product launch. My job was to put together some slides, jot down some talking points and then – the following week – make the presentation at a meeting. Piece of cake, right? Well, it wasn’t – thanks to my need to be perfect. The weekend before the presentation, working at home, I found myself unable to get past the first slide. You see, I would write out a paragraph then revisit it – over and over. Scrutinizing every word, I would ask myself: *Does this make sense? Am I getting too detailed? Does it sound like I know what I’m talking about?* In what should have taken only a few hours to complete ended up robbing me of the entire weekend. No matter how much I tried, I just wasn’t happy with it. I can still remember feeling so frustrated because I couldn’t pull myself away from the computer. Nope, I had to get everything done just right.  perfectly. Never mind I wanted to hang out with my friends or that I really wanted to get to the gym. Nope – it was all about getting this thing done perfectly. A big part of what was going on back then was my own struggles with Imposter Syndrome. Ever hear of that? Well, it’s a $10.00 term used to describe the dynamic where a person feels like a fake and worries the imposter cops will come barging in and haul you away. To learn more about this issue, go back to [episode six](https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/id/10144053). But I digress. In the end, I did end up finishing the slides. Everything at the presentation worked out fine. It’s not like these executives were hanging on to my every word. In truth, I was just some low-level employee sharing a quick update. But the point is that in pursuit of perfectionism, I ended ruining what should have been a really nice weekend. And folks, let me tell you, this is just one example. I could go on forever and a day with many, many more. But I think you get my drift. So, what do you think? Can you relate to what I’m talking about? If the answer is yes, you may be wondering why on earth this need you have to be perfect exists in the first place? What’s up with that? To help us get at the answers, I turned to the expertise of Elizabeth Scott. She’s a wellness writer and coach at the website Very Well. Scott offers a number of different causal reasons for perfectionism. I’ve [linked to this resource in Show Notes](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233) if you’d like to check out. So, I’m going to share a few of them – and then add my two cents in as part of the dynamic. Ready? ### 1. All or Nothing Thinking This is a big one for many perfectionists – especially for those who are high achievers. All or nothing thinking means that whatever you are engaging in MUST be perfect. There is no middle ground and there is no – “close to perfect”. Sound familiar? Well, I won’t take up a lot of time on this one except to say that *All or Nothing Thinking* can often be traced back to childhood environments where parents were rigid and where heavy shaming occurred when a mistake was made. ### 2. Highly Critical OK these are folks who look for errors, rather than focusing on the positive. For perfectionists who fall under this category, they seem to go out of their way to focus on the negative, particularly in themselves. While there can be a number of reasons for this, a big one relates to low self-esteem, usually because someone during their formative years was highly critical of them. ### 3. Unrealistic Standards Well, this one is huge. In a nutshell, perfectionists often set themselves up for disappointment by creating unrealistic standards for themselves – and oh by the way, others too. I have a client right now who is studying for the NY Bar Exam. He regularly beats himself up for not scoring perfect on each and every practice test. Now keep in mind, he literally just started studying a few weeks ago. But you see, that is part of perfectionism – setting up lofty, often ridiculous unrealistic standards for ourselves that are often impossible to meet. So, what’s going on here? Why would a person create such a high bar for themselves? There are a number of reasons for this of course – it’s never just one thing. But a biggie, at least in my experience, can be traced to something called “the game of comparisons”. In pursuit of excellence, these types of folks – perhaps just like you – unfairly compare themselves to others – and thinks, “well, if they did it, I should be able to do it too.” Never mind that the person they are comparing themselves too may have had years of experience with the issue or had spent lots of time increasing a particular skill. Nope – that gets discounted. In many ways, having unrealistic standards relates to that first one I mentioned – all or nothing thinking – sometimes called black or white thinking. ### 4. Fear of Failure Oh yeah, this one is major. A lot of people who struggle with perfectionism do so because they fear failure. In other words, they worry that unless they pull off a given task perfectly, like with military precision, they won’t be a success. And tied to this one are worries about letting others down or fears about being judged. You know, as I think about it – People Pleasing Comes to mind. That’s where a person is almost addicted to saying yes, even though doing so comes at great cost to their emotional and psychological health. To learn more about this, go back to [episode 10 where I cover the topic in detail](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e13-10-signs-you-have-people-pleasing-syndrome/id1465473031?i=1000440945352). — OK, so these are just some of the reasons people engage in perfectionism. Maybe you can relate to some or all of these? Man, I know I sure can. But here’s the thing – while *knowing the why* behind something can be useful, it doesn’t in and of itself create change. Here at the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, we’re all about solutions. In a moment, I’m going to go over some concrete things that you can do to help dial down your perfectionism. But before we get to that, I’d like to tell you about a very special offer from Better Help. Stick around … ## BLOCK C: Better Help Offer to Listeners This section of the podcast discusses a special offer for listeners to the Men’s Self-Help Podcast – a ten percent discount off your first month of sessions. Just use this special link that goes to [www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling](http://www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling) ## Block D: How To Dial Down Perfectionism In the previous segment, we talked about some of the causal reasons behind perfectionism and how early childhood experiences can sometimes inform this need to be meticulous. So, the question now becomes – what can you do about it? One of the things we try to do at the Men’s Self-Help Podcast is to focus on options for change. To help on this front, I’m going to share with you 7 specific things you can do to dial down your own struggles with perfectionism. Now here is the thing – there isn’t a cookie-cutter approach to dealing with this issue. While some of these suggestions may be helpful to you, others – might not. In my experience, most folks find that choosing 2 or 3 action items works best instead of trying everything at once. And if you noticed, I prefaced these suggestions by stating they were *7 ways to dial down your perfectionism* – not *7 ways to get rid of it*. That’s because when a person has a deep need to be perfect, the process of change takes time. Like I tell my clients – we aren’t computers. We aren’t installed with behavior chips that can be turned on or off at random. You know, as I’m sharing this with you, I’m reminded of the character Data, from the television series: *Star Trek: The Next Generation*. If you are familiar with the show, you may recall that Data was an android who from time to time, would experiment with this thing called an emotion chip. While the idea seemed intrigued him, things didn’t always go so well for him. That’s because when he tried to feel *too much* *too soon*, he became overwhelmed – and I think on one episode, short circuited. Perhaps not the best analogy, but I think you get my point. So, instead of trying to “rid” yourself of perfectionism, a far better approach is to try and gradually change your thinking, which over time can soften – that’s right soften – undesired behaviors. Make sense? OK, let’s dive right in and explore the list of seven: ### 1. Challenge your inner critic Earlier, I talked about some of the causes behind perfectionism, which in many cases can be traced to having a critical parent or other caretaker. But what I didn’t talk about was how – when we grow up in such environments – we can develop our own inner critic. In episode 25, I explored the issue of toxic shame and the concept of parental introjects. At its core, introjects are messages you get during your formative years that feed into your own self-concept. In many cases, they are negative and destructive. If you want to learn more about this this topic, I’ve put a link in show notes, which is essentially the Guy Counseling website. \[[Link to episode 25 on toxic shame](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-deal-with-toxic-shame/id1465473031?i=1000460938526)\] At any rate, I’m sharing this with you because it’s important to pay close attention to what your inner critic is messaging you throughout the day. A good way to accomplish this is by keeping a notebook handy and jotting down your self-statements. Here’s an example: You are responding to an email and can’t stop obsessing over every word because you fear making a mistake. So, the self-statement that pops into your head might be something like: *“I need to get this right because I don’t want people to think I’m an idiot.”* Sound familiar? Well, it is important to challenge this kind of negativity so it doesn’t run wild. And the best way to do this is to engage in a little Socratic questioning. Here is an example: *Is it really true if I make a mistake, others will think that I’m stupid? Another question you could ask is: What is the worst possible thing that could happen if a typo does appear? Will my fellow coworkers shun me? Will I get fired? Will the world fall apart?* I think you get my drift. By questioning your inner critic, you disrupt his ability to continue more of the same. Again, I highly recommend keeping some type of journal. ### 2. Get real about expectations. So, what does this really mean? In short, getting real about expectations – and goals for that matter – means acknowledging that you aren’t Superman. It means taking inventory about your strengths AND limitations and recognizing you can’t do it all. Just this past winter, I had to remind myself of this. I was teaching a ton of different classes, working with a high client load, and then trying to fit in everything else – you know, work, family, relationships and exercise. As time went on, I found myself increasingly irritable and depressed, to the point that I struggled to get myself out side of my home. Then one day, my spouse made a comment to me and said, “John, why are you doing this to yourself?” All it took was that question to make me realize the hard truth. I had fallen into old patterns of setting unsustainable goals and engaging in behaviors that were beyond my capabilities. As a result, I immediately started revisiting what I was doing. *Did I really need to teach all those classes? Did I really need to schedule back-to-back clients? Was it really necessary to grade that stack of papers right now?* The answer was no – big time. As part of my own plan for change, I created an affirmation to help push back against this urge to do more. I say it three times a day now. I’ll share it with you: *I accept my humanity and am choosing to say no.* *I accept my humanity and am choosing to say no.* *I accept my humanity and am choosing to say no.* So, what do you think? Can you come up with an affirmation counter your critical voice? ### 3. Make mindful self-care a priority. This one may sound cliché but sometimes cliché fits the moment. The primary reason mindful self-care helps to reduce perfectionism is because it pulls you out of the future and into the here and now. Ha-ha, and I realize that for perfectionists, this is easier said than done. So, what do I mean by mindful self-care? Well, here I’m talking about things like lifting weights and focusing on the actual burn of the muscle as you do something like a bicep curl. Mindful self-care can also mean making the conscious choice to create time for meditation, by scheduling it into your daily routine, and being OK with **NOT** being fully present. You know, one of the main reasons my male clients struggle with meditation is because they think they’ve got to have laser like focus throughout. Whenever I hear this, I often respond by letting them know that it’s OK to let your mind wander, because it turns out, that’s what minds do. You see, if we go into the meditative process with the expectation that it’s gotta be perfect, we set ourselves up for failure. And then – we quit. Make sense? All of this is to say that imperfect experiences can be valuable teachers on the path to acceptance. Does that make sense? Finally, I will toss in the idea of setting aside one night a week – just one – for your own personal, [at home “Spa night](https://guycounseling.com/best-home-spa-ideas-for-men/)”. A spa night is nothing more than an hour that you schedule to focus on self-care. I’ve put a link to an article I wrote in show notes over on the Guy Counseling blog that gives you some ideas. In closing out this tip, Spa nights can help you to dial down perfectionism by mindfully tuning your attention inward. It’s about investing in yourself so that you can recharge and be the best version of you. ### 4. Tell yourself time off is not wasted. Do you ever feel like down time is wasted time? Is there a part of you who feels the need to be productive at every waking moment? When you do have open time, particularly in blocks, do you start to feel down? If any of that resonates, it might be time to change things up. What would it be like if you used some of your down time, if even just half an hour, to be non-productive? Here, I am talking about listening to an audiobook, a podcast, or your favorite music? What would it be like to journal, doodle, sketch, paint or draw? The idea is to do – or not do – anything that isn’t related to some random deliverable you are working on. You know, once a year, I try to get to Puerto Rico. I just like the beaches there and find the island to be warm and inviting. I’m sharing this with you because I’m always shocked when I’m on the beach and see people glued to their phones – and in some cases laptops – as they sit in the sun. Whenever I see this, I think to myself, “Don’t these folks know how to *be* on vacation? Does every single moment have to be productive – even here?” At any rate, there’s an old saying – I think it comes from the world of Buddhism that goes something like this: *There’s something in the nothing*. ### 5. Ditch the whole multitasking thing OK, so this is something I know a lot of perfectionists engage in. Do you? In an ideal world, all of us would be able to successfully multi-task and do so with laser like focus. But here is the thing – multi-tasking is kind of a myth. Don’t take my word for it. There’s a great piece on the NPR website featuring Clifford Nass, a professor of Psychology at Stanford University who talks about it. I’ve put a link in Show Notes – which is at the Guy Counseling website – for you to check out. \[[Link to NPR multi-tasking article](https://www.npr.org/2013/05/10/182861382/the-myth-of-multitasking)\]. The long and short of it is that as a species, we aren’t all that great at the whole multi-tasking thing. And in my own experience, trying to hold dual focus on different tasks is a surefire way to increase stress and anxiety. When possible, try focusing on one thing at a time. Be OK with not forcing yourself to respond to email while also attending a meeting. I had a client try this for a month – yep, one month – and he found the experience to be transformative. Now look, it took him some time to adjust. He was used to juggling three different things at one time. But once he got his groove on, he found that his life became less complicated. In this way, he dialed down his need to be perfect by coming to a place of accepting that – low and behold – he wasn’t superman – he wasn’t some ambidextrous robot, hooked up to some battery charger. Just food for thought guys. ### 6. Trust in yourself A major way to dial down perfectionism in your life is to trust in yourself. By this I mean affirming that you are a responsible man and have the capacity to keep being responsible. Look, I realize there are times when a crisis pops up and requires your immediate attention. But in many cases, these so called crisis are entirely made up in our minds. Know what I mean? So, for example, if you have blocked off time to draft a report, trust that you will follow through when the time comes. It’s OK to use a self-affirmation, like: *I trust in myself to stick by my schedule.* *I trust in myself to stick by my schedule.* *I trust in myself to stick by my schedule. I* Notice I said that three times. The idea here is to counter the negative voice with reasonable, calming language. What if you tried this? ### 7. List out the consequences The final tip for dialing down the need to be perfect is to examine the consequences. I won’t take a lot of time with this suggestion because it’s fairly self-explanatory. But I will say that for perfectionists, there’s usually a lot of denial going on. That’s why it’s important to get real about things. Now look, I’m not going to say that creating this list is curative. It’s not. But, I can tell you that having this list nearby can act as a visual reminder to help generate change. That’s what several of my clients are doing right now. They’ve jotted down five or so ways they have harmed themselves through perfectionistic behaviors and have it posted on their computers. To date, each of these men have reported positive changes, like giving themselves permission to step away for 30 minutes and eat lunch – as opposed to working through at a desk. Just try this one out. See what it does for you. In the end, you might be surprised. — OK, so there you have it folks. Seven concrete ways to dial down your perfectionism. Just to reinforce, here’s a quick recap: 1\. Challenge your inner critic 2\. Get real about expectations. 3\. Make mindful self-care a priority. 4\. Tell yourself time off is not wasted. 5\. Ditch multi-tasking. 6\. Trust in yourself. 7\. List out the consequences. As we close this block out, I’d like you to think about which of these suggestions might work best for you? What if you tried incorporating 2 or 3 of them into your life, right now? > Are you a perfectionist? 👂🔥[\#perfectionist](https://x.com/hashtag/perfectionist?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) [\#PositiveVibes](https://x.com/hashtag/PositiveVibes?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) [\#podcast](https://x.com/hashtag/podcast?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) [pic.twitter.com/Sa1iKL3TGD](https://t.co/Sa1iKL3TGD) > > — Guy Counseling (@guycounseling) [June 3, 2021](https://x.com/guycounseling/status/1400266529103659009?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) ## BLOCK E – LISTENER EMAIL This week’s listener email comes to us from a man living in the Southwest. I’ll read to you what he shared and then the bulk of what I wrote back. Ready? Here it goes: *Hi, Dr. John*, *I’m 37 years old and live in Arizona. The reason I’m writing is because I have fallen badly out of shape. Some of it has to do with the pandemic but some of it is because of laziness.* *I want to get back to the gym and start my routine again, but I feel weird because of the weight gain – you know, like people will notice.* *I feel like I should drop a few pounds first, before walking through the door. Otherwise, everyone is going to notice how big I’ve gotten. If I lose the weight first, will I feel more motivated to exercise? Am I just playing a stupid mind-game with myself?* *Thanks so much for the podcasts – I’m a long-time subscriber.* *Trevor* — OK, so that was this young man’s email to me. Before I share what I wrote back, I just want to say that his dilemma is one that a lot of people I know – including clients – struggle with. There is a chicken or the egg element at play here. Can you spot it? On the one hand, he has *some* motivation to workout. On the other hand, he feels his current weight is a barrier to making the gym happen. Maybe you can relate to this? So, here is my response – and I’ll be adlibbing a bit as part of the dynamic. *Hi, Trevor,* *First, thanks for hitting that subscribe button and listening to the podcast. It means a great deal to me that follow the show. Second, let me just say that you are so not alone with this issue.* *Over the years, I have had numerous clients share with me some variation of what you have – meaning they want to go to the gym – or start going back again – but have body image issues that act as a roadblock.* *I’ve even seen this with guys who are new to working out but feel super intimidated by some of the bodybuilders they run into. As a result, they quit a few days into it because they fear being judged.* *So, you definitely aren’t alone here.* *That said, let’s look at this situation for a moment. You could do some form of exercise at home, but I suspect you already knew this and that for whatever reason, there is a part of you that realizes you are more likely to get a workout in at your gym – as opposed to your living room. I could be wrong but it’s just a hunch.* *Assuming I am right, let’s look at a path forward. One approach is to consider the “As If” technique. I talked about this in episode 26 (and I’ve put a link in show notes for those listening to this)* \[[link to episode 26](https://guycounseling.com/motivation-goals-as-if-technique/)\] *Using this technique, I wonder what it would be like if you were to imagine yourself already exercising? What would it be like to pretend that you’ve been doing cardio and weightlifting all along?* *I’m mentioning this because the “As If” technique is an excellent way to generate the motivation you need to make change happen. Now look, I’m not saying you should go back to your gym and hit cardio and weights with the same intensity as you did before COVID. But I am saying that whatever frequency you had in place before could occur now, using this approach.* *Let me address the issue of losing weight and then feeling motivation. In my experience, it’s the other way around. In other words, you take small steps, see some changes, and then the momentum builds from there. Waiting for it to magically happen isn’t going to get you where you want – does that make sense?* *And here’s the thing – and I promise you this – you aren’t alone with putting on weight during the pandemic. At my gym, pretty much everyone has found themselves carrying extra weight. This includes me.* *According to a web article published by the American Psychological Association, 61% percent of Americans have reported undesired weight changes during the pandemic. For those listening, I’ve linked to this in Show Notes. \[*[*link to APA article*](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2021/one-year-pandemic-stress)*\].* *So, when you go back to the gym, keep this in mind. There is a better than 60% change you will see folks who are dealing with the same struggles you are. Sometimes, universalizing an experience can make the journey easier. At least that’s what I’ve found.* *Trevor, I really hope you will try what I have mentioned here. Just pretend that you’ve been visiting the gym all along. Whenever you start to feel self-conscious about your current physique, perhaps as you walk through the gym door, say to yourself:* *I’m making progress with my fitness goals with each new day.* *I’m making progress with my fitness goals with each new day.* *I’m making progress with my fitness goals with each new day.* *I think you will find that with consistency, the changes you seek will happen. Just try it once. See what happens.* – So, there’s my response. I wonder how many of you listening to this are having similar issues? Imagine yourself trying this approach. What do you have to lose? ## BLOCK F – Closeout Wow, we covered quite a bit of territory in today’s podcast, don’t you think? We explored the some of the causal reasons behind perfectionism. Then, we walked through 7 ways to concrete ways to dial perfectionism down. And if that wasn’t enough, we even explored a listener’s email on body image issues and exercise. Thanks so much for listening today. If you haven’t done so already, I’d love it if you hit the follow button for this show. Apparently, the more people who subscribe to the show helps others find the podcast. You know, there’s lots of ways to reach me. You can stop by my website at [Guycounseling.com](guycounseling.com). You can visit also visit one of my social media pages. I’m on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling/) at Guy Counseling. I’m also on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/guycounseling) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1/) with the same handle. And hey, if you want to send me an email – please do. Whatever you send will remain confidential. I won’t share it with anyone or on the podcast, unless you give me permission. I promise. My address is john@guycounseling.com Almost always, I am able to get back to people within a few days. If there is a delay, its only because I’m involved with the other work outside of the show, which is mainly counseling and teaching. I’d like to take a moment to say thank you to the many people who have been leaving reviews on Apple podcasts. I continue to be blown away when I read these. Here’s one from a listener named Midwest Frank: *This is a great podcast. As a guy, it’s nice to see us so that is specifically for a man. I especially enjoy some of the Techniques John talks about for managing anxiety.* You see, it is comments like this one that get me charged up to make more shows. And here’s the thing, because this is a one-man podcast, I sometimes struggle to create them consistently. I’m trying to do better with that – and these kinds of reviews help keep me on track. So, if the spirit moves you, feel free to share your thoughts on Apple Podcasts, or whatever medium you may be listening. And so, there you have it, another podcast. This show is entirely written, created, and produced by me. As you can probably tell, I don’t have a professional audio engineer or someone putting it all together. Let whatever imperfections you hear be a reminder that we are all imperfect – and that’s OK. Thank you so much for being here. Be mindful of your critical voice. Recognize your humanity and that you can’t do it all. Remember to trust in yourself. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John – and this has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Podcasts **Tags:** Affiliate, Mental Health, motivation, perfectionism, Psychology --- ### [7 Ways To Stop Obsessive Thinking (E-28)](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-stop-obsessive-thinking/) **Published:** May 22, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![ruminating obsessive thoughts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/ruminating-obsessive-thoughts.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Dealing with ruminations Do you struggle with obsessive thoughts? Have you found yourself ruminating over issues or events from the past, or excessively worrying about something that might happen in the future? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. In this episode, licensed psychotherapist Dr. John Moore takes a deep dive into the world of obsessive thinking. After listening, you will learn about what triggers ruminating thoughts, how it can be a sign of anxiety or depression and seven specific things you can do to create change. As part of the show, Dr. Moore shares the case of Alberto, a 20-something young man who struggled with obsessive thinking. To help Alberto create change, Dr. Moore helped Alberto partake in seven specific actions that reduced his overall anxiety. One specific step included [learning how to meditate (see this post)](https://guycounseling.com/meditation-guide-beginners/). Additionally, Dr. Moore answers a listener email on the topic of financial stress and worry. You will hear the writer’s original note to the show’s host – and his response. A number of resources were shared in this episode, including: - A [link to BetterHelp](https://www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling) – an online counseling service that is offering a ten-percent discount to listeners of the podcast. - An article appearing on the [website Medical News Today](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326944) that examines specific triggers for obsessive thinking. - A link to a previous podcast that explored the differences between [alcohol use and dependence](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/7-assertiveness-skills-worth-growing-do-i-have-drinking/id1465473031?i=1000441401958). - Information on autogenic training, as presented in a previous episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. - A suggestion for where to find a certified financial planner at the website: [org](https://www.plannersearch.org/) - A working definition of a Certified Financial Therapist and a link to the [Financial Therapy Association](https://financialtherapyassociation.org/find-a-financial-therapist/). - Basic information about the Emotional Freedom Techniques, sometimes referred to as “tapping”. A link to an [EFT demonstration video on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI&t=46s) is shared as a pathway to insight. This podcast was just under thirty-minutes. Filled with actionable information, it may help you to reduce anxiety and live a healthier, more balanced life. **Categories:** Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety, Obsessive Thoughts, Rumination, Worry --- ### [5 Foods That Beat the Afternoon Slump](https://guycounseling.com/afternoon-slump/) **Published:** May 9, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![afternoon slump](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/afternoon-slump.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Beating Afternoon Slump Feeling tired after lunch? You might feel an overwhelming urge to place your head down on your desk. It’s called the afternoon slump. Most people drink more coffee and try to sprint their way to the end of their workday on a caffeine high, but there is another way. You don’t have to reach for that second or third cup of coffee in the afternoon. These nutrient rich foods provide you with enough energy to power through the rest of your day. Now I know what you’re thinking – coffee is way easier, and I just had lunch so why would I want to add more calories to my diet? Well, you should be careful with coffee and caffeine in general. A [meta-analysis](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5940396/) of 17 studies with over 200,000 participants suggested that 3 to 4 cups of coffee a day could increase the risk of heart attack for men. So, it might be a good idea to try and find other ways to make it through a tough day. These foods don’t have to pack on a lot of calories, but their energy will stay with you for a long time. Coffee is great for a quick pick-me-up, but you can make a quick and energizing snack in about the same time it takes for you to get a foamy cappuccino. ## Try These Energy Boosting Foods Instead of Coffee **Bananas** Two medium-sized bananas only have about 200 calories. Yet, you’re getting 2 grams of protein, more than 5 grams of fiber, and 66% of your daily value of vitamin B6. This particular B vitamin helps in the production and function of neurotransmitters in the brain. Bananas are also rich in potassium. This mineral acts as an electrolyte in the body and helps your nervous system function at peak efficiency. Simply put, you can lose that foggy, slow feeling when you perform manual tasks. **Related:** [How to attract positive energy to your life](https://guycounseling.com/attract-positive-energy/) **Hazelnuts** Pecans, peanuts, almonds, cashews, the list goes on and on. It’s not a secret that nuts are good for you. They help reduce cholesterol levels, heart disease risk factors, and they’re excellent sources of protein. Most people don’t think about hazelnuts as the go-to snack, but hazelnuts are one of the healthiest foods you can eat in the afternoon. A single serving of hazelnuts has less fat than almonds or cashews, but some of the highest levels of magnesium and vitamin E. Magnesium helps to regulate the nervous system and converts food into energy. Vitamin E is a powerful antioxidant that helps to repair damaged cells in the body. **Avocados** If you’re watching your weight, then it might be wise to eat only half an avocado each day. Half an avocado contains about 12 grams of fat and 130 calories. Avocados also have such a mild flavor that guys add other foods to kick up the taste. If you need to punch up the taste, go with seasonings like salt, pepper, cayenne and paprika. Now, here’s why avocados are great replacements for your afternoon coffee. They have virtually no sugar, but the list of vitamins and minerals is extensive. Avocados are great sources of potassium, vitamin B, vitamin K, copper, and vitamin C. That same half an avocado also provides 24% of your daily fiber intake. **Related:** [8 healthy Alternatives to Carb heavy Foods](https://mensvariety.com/healthy-alternatives-carb/) **Hard Boiled Eggs** Two hard-boiled eggs amount to just 145 calories but contain nearly 12 grams of protein. Hard-boiled eggs are an excellent source of the so-called “good” cholesterol. It helps to reduce your risk of heart disease and stroke. Hard-boiled eggs also have high levels of a B vitamin called choline. Two hard-boiled eggs will get you 50% of your daily intake value. Choline boosts your memory and mental processing speed. You won’t get the coffee jitters, but you’ll feel more focused at work. **Dark Chocolate** Dark chocolate has high levels of cocoa. It isn’t as sweet as milk chocolate and you won’t feel as much of an urge to scarf down a whole bar. Try eating just a few pieces in a single sitting or the equivalent of about 30 grams. A small [study](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaophthalmology/article-abstract/2678792) in 2018 found that eating a double serving of dark chocolate improved a person’s vision for about 2 hours after eating it. That’s because dark chocolate increase blood flow. That means it’s also good for your male reproductive health. If you’re staring at computer screens all day, it might help to give your eyes a super-powered chocolate boost. **Related:** [Why drinking less soda-pop is smart](https://guycounseling.com/sugary-drinks-study-319/) ## The Results That You Can Expect Coffee might give you an energy boost, but these foods can help you complete the day’s tasks. Most people drink a cup of coffee for the results and not the taste. So, why not ditch the jittery juice for something with greater benefits to your productivity. The great thing about these foods is that you can mix up the routine. Try half an avocado on Monday and something with a little more punch like dark chocolate squares on Tuesday. You don’t need to slurp down the same thing every single day. These foods aren’t meal replacements either. You do have to be mindful of the fats in nuts and avocados, and the protein dense levels of hard-boiled eggs. Bananas can be a bit sugary, too. So, choose something that works for your dietary needs. You won’t get an immediate punch from these foods, but their effects will stay with you longer and keep you in the driver’s seat the whole time. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Diet, Energy, Slump, Vitality --- ### [How Long Should I Wash My Face?](https://guycounseling.com/how-long-should-i-wash-my-face/) **Published:** May 2, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man washing face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/man-washing-face-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Are You Washing It Long Enough? Do you bypass face washing in favor of other skin care steps? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. In my experience, guys are most interested in keeping wrinkles at bay, which causes a lot of them to zone in on moisturizing. That’s not a bad thing, but [men’s face care](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/) requires a more comprehensive approach. And think about it for a moment. In order for those moisturizers to penetrate, don’t you need to start off with a clean canvas? Plus, if you aren’t washing your face frequently enough, you run the risk of letting your pores clog, which can create blackheads. Make sense? And so that is what this short post is all about: Making sure you have information on the basics of face washing, with the goal of helping your skin look as young and vibrant as possible. Recently, I watched a YouTube video featuring [Dr. Lawrence Samuels](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0xkXPVY4H8), a Board-Certified Dermatologist. He took a deep dive into various approaches to facial cleansing and discussed common skin care mistakes. According to Samuels, most people benefit from washing their face two times a day – once in the morning and once at night. He doesn’t suggest doing it more because it can aggravate the skin. He does offer one exception. “If you are involved in activities that cause you to sweat a lot, such as working out or playing sports, it is very important to wash your face as soon as possible after your activity to remove the oil, debris, and bacteria,” says Samuels. ## How Long Should I face Wash? So – what about the length of time you should spend washing your face? Well, according to most of the information I’ve gathered from experts, the answer is \[around\] 30-seconds or about as much time as it might take to sing happy birthday to yourself twice. That’s fairly simple, don’t you think? If you are wondering what the best products are for your skin type, check out this post on [exfoliating scrubs for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-exfoliating-face-scrubs-men/). After you’ve got the cleansing part down, you can focus your attention on moisturizing, which is what this [face creams post](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) is all about. **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Face Wash, Facial Care, Skin Care --- ### [Here's Why Some Military Members Aren't Getting Vaccinated](https://guycounseling.com/military-covid-vaccine/) **Published:** May 2, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![military covid-19 vaccine ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/military.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## VACCINE CONFIDENCE LOW IN THE MILITARY It’s not surprising that people have concerns about the efficacy and safety of COVID-19 vaccines. Yet, it might come as a bit of a shock that so many U.S. servicemen are outright refusing to get their jab. The COVID-19 vaccine isn’t mandatory for U.S. servicemen. They can refuse to receive a vaccine and still get deployed and partake in active duty. The military hasn’t made the vaccine mandatory because of the limitations of emergency use protocols from the FDA. The current vaccines are approved for emergency use only and have not been fully approved by the Food and Drug Administration. So, they can’t be made mandatory like the anthrax inoculations that soldiers received before deploying to the Middle East. That’s one of the main reasons why so many have declined to take the vaccine. Simply, they’ve been given a choice. According to a CNN [report](https://edition.cnn.com/2021/04/09/politics/marines-coronavirus-vaccines/index.html?ut%5b%E2%80%A6%5dcontent=2021-04-10T01%3A17%3A10&utm_term=link&utm_medium=social), nearly 40% of Marines have refused to take a COVID-19 vaccine. At Camp Lejeune in South Carolina, those numbers are much higher. A staggering 57% of Marines have refused to get vaccinated there. At Fort Bragg, the refusal rate for U.S. servicemen is higher than 50%, as well. Another reason that members of the military are refusing to get vaccinated is the speed at which the vaccine was developed and negative propaganda about vaccine side effects. Much of the hesitancy displayed in the military mirrors the distrust within the general population. Some people feel that the vaccine rollout was rushed and hasn’t been properly tested. **Related:** [Culture shock for veterans returning to civilian life](https://guycounseling.com/culture-shock-veterans-college-511/) Others buy into conspiracy theories about implanted microchips and government control of the population. The internet is rife with claims about nefarious and far-reaching motives behind a mandatory COVID-19 vaccination. Military servicemen have a predilection for falling in line. So, if a soldier, sailor, or guardsman has comrades who are refusing the vaccine, it’s more likely that they’ll refuse it, too. It’s a case of military mindset backfiring on the top brass. Secretary of Defense Lloyd J. Austin is urging for better education about the vaccines that are currently available. In a Us. Department of Defense [statement](https://www.defense.gov/Explore/News/Article/Article/2516511/secretary-of-defense-addresses-vaccine-hesitancy-in-military/), Sec.Def. Austin said, “It’s really important that people have the facts, and we found that armed with the facts, they’ll make the right decisions typically. I’ve taken the vaccine. I consider it to be safe. We’ve not seen very many side effects that are harmful. Austin went on to say, “The greatest incentive to getting vaccinated is that it saves your life, and it saves the life of the folks that mean a lot to you. That, in and of itself, is very, very important.” Military servicemen are not immune from COIVD-19. According to Military.com [statistics](https://www.military.com/daily-news/2020/03/16/militarys-coronavirus-cases-latest-rundown.html), there were 285,492 confirmed cases as of late April of 2021. The Army has been the hardest hit branch of the military with the Marines coming in fifth. More than 70,000 Marines have been vaccinated but more than 100,000 haven’t been offered the vaccine yet. That leaves a significant number of servicemen unprotected against infection. This could put entire facilities in jeopardy and possibly compromise national security. Anthony Fauci, M.D. Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), U.S. National Institutes of Health spoke with military families during a virtual town hall [meeting](https://bluestarfam.org/hf-town-halls/mcfcv2/) in March. His response to servicemen refusing the COVID-19 vaccine was blunt and direct. “You’ve got to think of your own health, which is really very important, but you got to think about your societal obligation,” said Dr. Fauci. He acknowledged that the military is part of the solution to this outbreak but the refusal to take the vaccine amounted to invertedly being part of the problem.” The Centers for Disease Control ([CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/safety/safety-of-vaccines.html)) insist that the COVID-19 vaccines are safe. As of April 26th, there have been 230 million doses administered. Clinical trials were already conducted on these vaccines before they went public, and testing involved thousands of participants. Common side effects include fever, headache, nausea, swelling, and muscle pains. These are generally temporary and mild. Most people are worried about long term side effects, but the CDC maintains that serious long term side effects are extremely rare. The men and women that serve in the Armed Forces are undeniably brave. Just joining the military is an act of bravery. However, members of the Armed Services aren’t all healthcare experts and most of them don’t have privileged knowledge about the safety of COVID-19 vaccines. Many of the servicemen who have refused the vaccine are merely exercising the privilege to refuse. Others have given ear to conspiracy theories that pervade social media, just like many other Americans. As Dr. Fauci and the Secretary of Defense have said in previous statements, education is key. If more servicemen have access to the facts about COVID-19 vaccines, it’s likely that more of them will voluntarily comply. It’s also likely that COVID-19 vaccines will become mandatory once the FDA officially approves of the inoculation. So, opting out of the vaccine is a temporary act of defiance. In the near future, lining up for a COVID-19 vaccine will likely be a permanent act of compliance. **Categories:** News **Tags:** COVID-19, military, Vaccine --- ### [5 Essential Qualities of Healthy Romantic Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/healthy-couple-traits/) **Published:** April 25, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![healthy couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/healthy-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Healthy Relationships A happy and fulfilled life is dependent on many things. Success, physical health, and gratitude are important factors, but research shows that high quality relationships are essential to having a joyful and meaningful life. A good relationship is also good for your health and wellness. That’s what the science says. The [Harvard Study of Adult Development](https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/) is one of the longest and most comprehensive studies in the world and it examines how psychological and social factors early in life determine your wellbeing later in life. The study began in 1938 and follows the lives of 724 men and their families. Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist and professor at Harvard Medical School, is the Director of the study. In an [article](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/) from the *Harvard Gazette* in 2017, Waldinger summarized the findings thus far. “The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.” Waldinger went on to say that “The researchers also found that marital satisfaction has a protective effect on people’s mental health. Part of the study found that people who had happy marriages in their 80s reported that their moods didn’t suffer even on the days when they had more physical pain. Those who had unhappy marriages felt both more emotional and physical pain.” So, how do you make it to a happy old age? Well, it seems like a healthy relationship is key. Yet, building one is no easy task. Get it right and you’ll live longer and have a better quality of life. Get it wrong and you’re more likely to suffer from a higher risk of mental health issues, higher mortality rate, lost work productivity, and lack of sleep. **Related:** [My Girlfriend Cheated on Me. What Can I Do?](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated-infidelity/) Men sometimes need a little help in recognizing what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. A Princeton University [study](https://www.pnas.org/content/117/32/19061) from 2020 used machine learning to identify predictors of relationship quality. Based on the findings of the research team, here are 5 qualities that you should nurture in your relationships to reach those sublime glory days. Work on These 5 Qualities to Improve Your Romantic Relationship: ## 1. Unity You need to shift your perspective toward an “us” mentality. When you’re in a healthy romantic relationship, the “me” perspective gradually fades as you begin to nurture a shared experience. Avoid making individual decisions, especially about the most important factors of your life such as finances and long-term goals. Unify your purpose with your partner and you’ll reap the benefits of a better relationship. ## 2. Empathy It takes empathy to have a successful relationship. Empathy and sympathy are not the same thing. Empathy is when you acknowledge and accept your partners thoughts and feelings. Sympathy is similar but usually relates to only negative experiences and emotions. When you exhibit empathy toward your partner you predict their emotional responses and take their perspective into consideration. **Related:** [5 Ways to Deal with Conflicts](https://guycounseling.com/avoid-conflict-home-tips/) ## 3. Acceptance A healthy relationship depends on both parties recognizing the good and bad qualities of themselves and their partner. Then, one must accept those qualities without always trying to change them. People drive themselves crazy in relationships when they constantly pick at perceived flaws of their partner. You also need to accept situations that are beyond your control. You also need to accept that change takes time. ## 4. Balance Relationships rise and fall on the pendulum of balance. You need balance in different aspects of your relationship such as finances, sex, responsibilities, and communication. Most importantly, there needs to be a balance of power in the relationship. One partner can’t hold all the keys to the kingdom. Balance requires continuous effort, and it is more of an ongoing maintenance quality than a goal that can be attained just once. Related: [Balancing Chemistry in Your Relationship](https://guycounseling.com/balancing-chemistry-relationship/) ## 5. Respect Successful relationships thrive on mutual respect. Some relationships exist without it, but they become abusive and toxic. Respect must always be there for two individuals to work together toward the common goal of a happy and healthy relationship. Respect is easy to exhibit in good times, but you need to also show respect even when you and your partner disagree. ## **Creating and Maintaining Healthy Romantic Relationships** These five qualities are essential – respect, balance, empathy, acceptance, and unity. Yet, there are so many other factors that help a relationship thrive. You need to have trust, good communication, and make a concerted effort to promote harmony in your lives. The important takeaway from the Harvard study and the Princeton University study is that a healthy relationship is essential for good health, but it doesn’t spontaneously create itself. Even when it’s love at first sight, both people need to work on the relationship constantly. It’s easy when you gain momentum in the right direction. It’s difficult when you neglect the important areas that were mentioned earlier. Keep this in mind when you search for a new romantic partner and when you make strides toward nurturing your existing relationship. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Healthy Relationships, research, Study --- ### [What Jobs Best Match My Personality?](https://guycounseling.com/riasec-test-career-personality/) **Published:** March 30, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![imposter syndrome man in blue shirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blue-shirt-career-coach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## RIASEC Made Simple Are you looking for the RIASEC test? Trying to understand how your personality best matches a given career or job? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. As a career counselor, I frequently use the RIASEC assessment to help clients look inward as part of a comprehensive approach to career pathing. As a tool for insight, I often turn to the work of [John Holland](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1960-06165-001). He was an American psychologist and the inventor of the career development model; commonly referred to as The Holland Codes. According to his theory, there are six basic personality types. They are as follows: **R**ealistic, **I**nvestigative, **A**rtistic, **S**ocial, **E**nterprising, and **C**onventional. FYI: The acronym for the codes is **RIASEC**. So, what do each of the above terms mean? To answer that question, I have outlined the basics traits for each typology using simple language. At the end of this post, I’ve also posted a link that offers a free assessment of your personality type, made available by the U.S. Department of Labor through the online resource, O\*NET. Are you ready? Check it out: ![RIASEC Test Free](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/RIASEC-Personality-Test.png?resize=555%2C555&ssl=1)RIASEC Revealed ## Realistic - You like to work with your hands. This could mean working with tools, animals, metals, woods, and machines. - You may shy away from social situations involving teaching, speaking, or informing others. - Prefers practical things that can be seen or heard. - You may have a self-view that is practical in nature. You gravitate towards the mechanical. ## Investigative - You like to investigate problems and find solutions. Math and science come naturally to you. - You probably don’t like work involving sales, convincing people, or leading others. - You put a premium on science and fact-based evidence. - You may view yourself as scientific. People think of you as the intellectual type. ## Artistic - You gravitate towards creative activities, like music, art, drama, crafts, and writing. Repetitive activities or situations with a high degree of structure are turn-offs. - Naturally gifted with creative abilities that are used for drawing, writing, music, and acting. - You may view yourself as independent, expressive, original, and contrarian. ## Social - You naturally gravitate towards helping other people and it has likely been this way for you since childhood. - Teaching, offering medical assistance, and providing information are all in your wheelhouse. You likely shy away from machines or tools. - Likely gifted with teaching, counseling or in some way helping others. - Gifted at helping groups or finding solutions for social challenges. - People may view you as intuitive, a healer, or even [empathic](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/08/do-empaths-really-exist/). ## Enterprising - You enjoy persuading people and leading groups or teams. Selling, persuading, and convincing people come natural to you. - Science and analytical thinking aren’t where you live. - Gifted with motivating people to a place of change. - Entrepreneurial spirit and a self-starter. - You may place a premium on [leadership skills](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-types/) or business accomplishments. - You may see yourself as a task-master and the person who gets things done. Great in social situations. ## Conventional - You likely gravitate towards work involving numbers. File management, recordkeeping, and operating machines that organize are in your wheelhouse. - You aren’t a fan of unstructured environments or work that is ambiguous in nature. - You prefer working with systems that follow an orderly flow. - You place a premium on success in business. - People see you as the orderly-type and excellent at following directions. ## Wrap Up What’s important to keep in mind with Holland’s codes (RIASEC) is that most people don’t fall neatly into one category. In fact, most folks are a “combo-type”. Example:  A mixture of investigative and conventional. So, how can you find out your career personality type? It’s simple. Head on over to O\*Net and take the free [interest profiler](https://www.mynextmove.org/explore/ip). When you are done, please share your experience in the comments below. Did you find the assessment accurately pegged your personality? PS: This is a great tool for career counselors and teachers. **References:** Holland, J. L. (1959). A theory of vocational choice. *Journal of Counseling Psychology, 6*(1), 35–45. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0040767 **Categories:** Career **Tags:** Career, Jobs, Personality, RIASEC --- ### [Balancing Chemistry in Your Relationship](https://guycounseling.com/balancing-chemistry-relationship/) **Published:** March 21, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![leo man in bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/couple-in-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Chemistry Explored Do you feel like the chemistry between you and your partner is out of alignment? What happens when you love your partner deeply, you’re attracted to them in many different ways, but you struggle to harmonize when it comes to having sex? What can you do to fix this? Well, the good news is that you can repair this aspect of your relationship. It’s not difficult if you and your partner are both emotionally available and open to making some changes in your thoughts and behavior. There are different ways to approach this problem, and one solution deals with restoring the balance of masculine and feminine energy. I’m talking about masculine and feminine energetics. These forces produce a powerful, magnetic dynamic that creates good sexual chemistry. ## What Does Sexual Polarity Mean? In every person, there is a masculine polarity and a feminine polarity. When a couple aren’t occupying opposing polarities that can result in a disconnect in sexual chemistry. You see, masculine and feminine polarity is all about exchanging energy. It is a give and take dynamic that propels a relationship forward on an energetic level. Well, it’s not simply the physical way that couples display intimacy. This sexual polarity is present in every single human being. Inside of us, there is a masculine and a feminine perspective that influences our emotions, thoughts, and actions. In a relationship, this polarity has a powerful influence. When it is in proper alignment sexual polarity produces a deep physical and emotional attraction. Yet, it is a subtle force that exists beneath the substrata of our relationship. Many people don’t even notice it until there is a problem in the emotional exchanges or a disconnect in the bedroom. **Related:** [Lessons On Power in Relationships](https://mensvariety.com/power-relationships/) For example, there was [a study](https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/husbands-stress-increases-if-wives-earn-more-than-40-per-cent-of-household-income-new-research/) that found some men in heterosexual relationships become frustrated and detached when their partner makes more money than them. Although this should be just fine; the number of men who earn less than their partners is steadily growing. The Bath University study revealed the effects of a problem with sexual polarity. The man in this case feels that his masculine power has been usurped by his female partner and it causes him to become stressed and confused about his role in the relationship. He might become more aggressive and angrier with his partner. He might seek to dominate his female partner in the bedroom to reassert his masculinity. It’s worth mentioning only as an example of how a misalignment in sexual polarity can cause problems in the relationship. ## Understanding the Difference Between Masculine and Feminine Perspective There are constructive and positive ways to reassert your masculine energy that don’t involve dominating your partner. First, let’s identify masculine and feminine energy. There are unique differences between the two. Masculine energy is all about being decisive, setting goals and accomplishing tasks. Masculine energy seeks to penetrate, in the sense that penetration is the action of giving energy. Feminine energy is less goal-oriented and looks at the value of the experience. Feminine energy is about receiving, in that receiving collects, stores and utilizes energy. Masculine energy is focused on the outcome. It seeks successful completion. Feminine energy is more about the process. It seeks finesse in the details. Masculine energy tends to make decisions from a logical stance. Feminine energy uses more intuition. Masculine energy seeks to arrive to a climax, while feminine energy is more about being in the moment. Related: [Creating Physical Intimacy Through Mindfulness (Podcast)](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-mindfulness-e27/) ## How to Embody Masculine Energy Sometimes, men make the mistake of trying to “fix” their partner’s behavior. They might simply demand more sex or become angry and detached if their sexual experience doesn’t meet their expectation. The great thing about sexual polarity is that you only need to focus on your own orientation. Usually, this balances out the sexual polarity automatically. When you fully embody the masculine polarity, you promote the conditions for your partner to relate with you in a way that is conducive to amazing sexual chemistry. When the masculine is outwardly focused to create a safe and stable relationship; the feminine becomes more intuitive and receptive to his needs. When the masculine is being more mindful in his actions, the feminine responds by becoming more willing to go with the flow in her actions. When the masculine attaches his partner’s needs to his goal-seeking behavior, then the feminine feels more compelled to supply the outcome that he desires. When the masculine penetrates himself energetically to produce more emotional self-satisfaction, then the feminine becomes more attracted to his calm and balanced energy. The feminine wants to receive that energy more and more. **Related:** [How Men Can Be More Mindful In Bed](https://guycounseling.com/category/relationshops/) ## The Result of Balancing Your Masculine Energy As you can see, the feminine energy responds to a proper alignment of your masculine energy. You do not have to try and “fix” the feminine. Fix yourself first. When you embody positive masculine energy, a grounded masculine presence, then the magnetism of sexual chemistry becomes automatic. You have a positive and a negative force that attract one another. The purpose of relationship is to complement one another. You both can not embody the same sexual polarity at the same time. However, these roles can be reversed, and that can be a beautiful dynamic too, where you and your partner can explore both the masculine and feminine aspects of each other’s personage. The key is to create attraction. It is a magnetic force. You and your partner have both similarities and differences. There is a positive and a negative. You need to celebrate both aspects of the relationship. Your similarities help to bond you mentally and emotionally. Your differences are meant to complement one another. It generates the push-pull nature of sexual chemistry. So, honor your partner’s differences and don’t seek to change them because you might wreak havoc on your sexual chemistry. Don’t attempt to make them more like you when it comes to your sexual desires. Instead, appreciate the yin and yang relationship of your sexual polarities. By doing so, you can breathe new life into your relationship and nurture a sexual attraction that is long-lasting and fulfilling. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Energy, intimacy, Mindfulness --- ### [Are Sleep Demons Real?](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-demons-real-315/) **Published:** March 15, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![sleep demons](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/sleeping-adi-goldstein-339959-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Sleep Demons – A Closer Look Maybe it’s happened to you. It’s the middle of the night. You wake up but your body is frozen. You can’t move and there is a dark, menacing figure sitting on your chest. It’s called the sleep demon and it has been terrifying people for centuries, but is it real? Last night I had my first encounter with the sleep paralysis demon. I had previously seen artwork and read accounts dating back a hundred years or more about this phenomenon that affects approximately 10% of the population. There are some variations to the experiences, but I was always intrigued by the similarities between the different accounts and depictions. ## What is a Sleep Paralysis Demon? People have reported that they were woken up in the middle of the night, sometimes near the morning, but couldn’t move their body. They felt fully awake. They could see their bedrooms, but they couldn’t move their arms and legs. There is a terrifying feeling of lurkers or dark forces nearby. Most people recall waking up and staring up at a small demon squatting on their chest. Sometimes, it’s an old hag, a man in a hat, a werewolf, a goblin, a troll, or even an alien. So, imagine being fully awake and still dreaming at the same time. ## What Do Neuroscientists Say About Sleep Paralysis? Prior to my own experience with sleep demons, I gave little credence to these accounts. I assumed that these were hypnagogic phenomenon. In fact, sleep experts explain that when a person’s REM sleep is disturbed, there is an imbalance in their physiological responses. Your brain prevents you from moving your body during REM sleep so that you can’t act out on your dreams. It’s like a safety feature for nightmares. Neurologists explain sleep paralysis as a blip on the REM radar that produces hallucinogenic imagery, feelings of panic brought on by our fight or flight response, and the lingering effects of REM stasis. Your brain and your body are out of sync. There is a signal failure happening inside of you when you experience sleep paralysis. When you fall asleep, your nervous system signals your muscles to relax and eventually you enter REM sleep. REM stands for Rapid Eye Movement. This is the phase of sleep when you experience dreams. Scientists believe that REM sleep is crucial to your body’s ability to regenerate cells and compartmentalize the sensory data that your nervous system intakes throughout a normal day. **Related:** [Sleep May Enhance and Strengthen Memory Recall](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-memory-recall/) You might have noticed that when you are experiencing a particularly vivid dream, your body jerks around a bit. Well, your nervous system has temporarily paralyzed your body’s movements. It is a natural part of REM sleep. When the sleep cycle is over, your nervous system signals that you can start moving again. When your sleep is disturbed or there is a miscue in this intricately coordinated sequence, your brain wakes up without giving the signal for your body to end paralysis. The feeling of paralysis doesn’t bother us in REM sleep, but if you are conscious and you’re unable to move, then your limbic system triggers a panic response. Your heart starts to speed up and you get scared. There is an in-between period of mental grogginess as you come out of the dream state, so this feeling of panic is often accompanied by hallucinations. You might see a demon. You might hear voices or strange noises. You might feel that there are evil forces in the room with you. You might experience all of the above. Sleep paralysis can happen frequently for some people who suffer from PTSD, insomnia, or narcolepsy. Sometimes, people experience sleep paralysis when they are under elevated stress or have problems with their prescription medication. Scientists have so many questions about sleep paralysis still to this day. ## Historical and Cultural Reference for Sleep Demons This neuroscience explanation makes the experience seem as benign as getting the wrong order at a coffee shop, but in reality, sleep paralysis and the accompanying hallucinations can be very unsettling. I can confirm from my recent experiences that my sleep demon hallucination was one of the most realistic visual hallucinations that I have ever experienced. How could you explain this phenomenon hundreds of years ago? Sleep paralysis and the sleep demon were the origins of the term “nightmare”. Now, we use the term nightmare to just mean any bad dream, but historically the term was used to describe the sleep paralysis demon. From Mesopotamia to ancient Rome there have been tales of the sleep demon. It was called the Incubus and the Succubus when in female guise. The name literally means “to sit on you”. People believed that the little sleep demon Incubus was responsible for your terrifying dreams at night. The Norse word *mara* was a person who rides you for their own wicked pleasure. That term begot night-mare. There’s the English myth of the Old Hag and African legends of demons who steal your soul. Grey-eyed aliens are a more modern interpretation of this entity – a dark, ominous presence that controls you in the night while you sleep. Related: [7 Steps to Solving Your Problems With Dreams](https://guycounseling.com/solve-problems-dreams/) So, our cultural lexicon is pre-loaded with a deep sub-conscious programming about sleep paralysis and sleep demons. Basically, we have theses stories built into our collective consciousness and during the hallucinatory period of sleep paralysis, a sleep demon of our own choosing can be automatically selected. ## My Personal Sleep Demon Even I must admit that the sleep demon that I saw was oddly familiar. I couldn’t see its face or features clearly. It was a black, shadowy figure outlined by long, bristly hair. I was paralyzed and couldn’t move. I felt like I was under attack by an intruder but was powerless to stop them. In that split second of terror, I realized that this might be related to the dream world and that I didn’t necessarily need to move my physical body to affect the sleep demon. So, I mentally reached outward and choked the sleep demon with imaginary hands. It quickly disappeared and I was able to regain control of my body shortly thereafter. ## What to Do About Sleep Paralysis There have been some drastic treatments for sleep demons over the course of history. Afterall, this experience was viewed through a spiritual context in most cases, so the treatment was often just as bizarre as the problem. During the 600s, a Byzantine physician named Paulus Aegineta prescribed bloodletting, shaving the head of the patient and scarring their throat. Prayers, exorcisms, and magical spells were often prescribed, as well. Luckily, if you experience sleep paralysis today, nobody will ask you to shave your head. It is best to track your sleep patterns over a certain period of time. How often do you wake in the middle of the night? Do you experience vivid dreams? Or have you been experiencing trouble falling asleep? These are all indicators that your sleep patterns are abnormal, and you might want to consider consulting a doctor. You can also try to improve your sleep on your own. It’s relatively simple. Try to avoid caffeine after 7 PM. Don’t use your mobile or any screens before bedtime. You can also use a weighted blanket to prevent you from waking up so much in the middle of the night. Try to get at least 7 hours of sleep and monitor what you’re experiencing in the night. ## Are Sleep Demons Spiritual Messengers? Then, there is the spiritual explanation for sleep paralysis demons. Your sub-conscious mind is trying to tell you something. Are there messages that you’re receiving from the sleep demon? That is up to your own interpretation. There is a scientific explanation, but an encounter with a sleep demon might be a signal that your creativity is being stifled. Afterall, your body is immobile and during those tense moments, your imagination is running wild. You’re having a powerful and frightening hallucination. Even if you don’t believe in a spiritual interpretation of the sleep demon, there is something to be learned from how you handle such an ordeal. So, it is up to you to analyze how your sleep paralysis experience made you feel. **Related:** [Plants and Herbs That Can Enhance Your Dreams](https://guycounseling.com/plants-herbs-dreams-sleep/) It is obvious that sleep demons have a purpose and place in our cultural and historical identity. It’s just like ghosts and werewolves. These things are real largely because we make them real. I am a logical person but my own sleep demon sure did feel real. I haven’t stopped thinking about it and I’m sure that other people who experience sleep paralysis demons have similar lingering feelings and thoughts. Luckily, I did manage to get back to sleep that night. So, little harm was done. All that I can say is that if you wake up and there’s a little demon sitting on your chest…force punch ‘em in the throat and think about it later. **Categories:** Field Notes --- ### [Destructive Patterns that Wreck Your Work Life Balance](https://guycounseling.com/work-life-balance-bad-patterns/) **Published:** March 7, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![work-life balance](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/stressed-man-face-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Work Life Balance Barriers Do you feel burned out at work and guilty whenever you take your foot off the gas? Then, maybe your work-life balance is way out of alignment. Life isn’t all about work and making money. Your health, happiness, job satisfaction and motivation are also important indicators of how well you’re doing in life. As men we love fixing problems and facing challenges, but we sometimes fall into destructive patterns that wreck our work-life balance. Society has infused businessmen with a succeed or else mentality that can wreak havoc on your health and wellness. There are some new and unique challenges to your work-life balance. Most people are working from home and that means the lines between work and leisure are getting more and more fuzzy. An insightful [report](https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/microsoft-365/blog/2020/09/22/pulse-employees-wellbeing-six-months-pandemic/) from Microsoft found that since the pandemic began in 2020, the average workday has gotten longer. There’s been a 55% increase in calls and meetings per week and the number of afterhours work-related chats has doubled. This type of approach to work actually leaves you with little room for fun, play and the freedom to try risky challenges. All of these things help you to grow. Being successful is about more than making money. It’s about more than winning. If you want to have better work-life balance, then you need to recognize these destructive patterns and make some changes to your viewpoint. ## You only feel successful when you’re being productive Everyone’s definition of success is different, but if you only think you’re successful when you’re working then you might have a work-life imbalance. Every business goes through phases and sometimes you won’t feel so productive. That’s fine. You don’t need to punish yourself into greatness. Men who suffer from poor work-life balance often work through unproductive phases instead of taking advantage of that time to refresh themselves. You don’t always have to be doing something. Resist the urge to power through phases of your life and business that are calling you to a period of rest. This time is valuable. It helps you to examine the work that you’ve already done. It helps you to catch up on personal affairs and discover new avenues of opportunity. Men need to give themselves permission to redefine success. Make it personal and don’t let someone else determine what makes you successful. It’s not always going to be pedal to the metal. Focus on developing yourself as a whole individual and you’ll reap the benefits of a balanced life. ## You view rest and recreation as the products of laziness If your work-life balance is out of flux, then you might view rest as idle behavior. The fact that there are so many hustle mentors and gurus online telling you to get out there and crush it doesn’t help much either. Nobody needs to hear that they’re lazy. That isn’t positive reinforcement. It makes you overly self-critical and fuels anxiety. There’s a reason why it’s called work-life balance and that’s because rest and recreation need to be in the right proportion to the amount of work that you’re doing. A [survey](https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/w/work-life-balance) conducted by The Mental Health Foundation found that 34% of respondents felt anxious when working long hours. More than 50% felt irritated and depressed. **Related:** [10 Things That Worsen Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-anxiety-worse/) When you get it just right, you don’t feel guilty for taking some time off. The top business leaders recognize that they need time away from the office. Bill Gates regularly takes trips to his private retreat just to read and come up with new ideas. The gurus and hustlers who try to convince you that you’re lazy are actually trying to sell you something. They’re playing on your emotions and thoughts to make you think that you’ve got it all wrong. Then, they conveniently offer their solution. The truth is – rest and recreation will refresh your productivity. Deny it and you’ll be heading for a burnout. ## You need to earn the right to relax Lots of entrepreneurs fall into this work-life balance trap. Does this sound familiar? You don’t work a traditional 9 to 5, Monday to Friday job, so you never know when to shut off the lights and call it a day. There’s always something else that needs to be done and you don’t feel like you’ve earned the right to relax. Well, it’s important to understand that rest and relaxation don’t need to be earned. Some time away from the grind is beneficial to your mental health and your productivity. Your business endeavors might never present you with a highlighted and underscored relaxation break. In other words, you’ll never be done, and you’ll never secure a rest if you don’t give yourself permission. To achieve an optimized work-life balance, you should set a designated time for relaxation whether you feel as if you’ve earned it or not. Put the phone and laptop aside and recharge your batteries. Think of it as work if you have to but take that time to rest. ***You think that anything that doesn’t earn money is a waste of time and energy.*** Men who don’t have a healthy work-life balance often have a distorted perception about activities that don’t earn money. Activities like meditation, reading a good fiction book, or taking an art class are seen as wastes of time, money and energy. That’s a narrow-minded viewpoint. You don’t need to always make money. The pursuit of wealth isn’t the only activity that enriches your life, either. There are plenty of complementary pursuits that enhance your life in other ways. Ironically, men who have successful businesses or identify as the top 1% endeavor to enjoy their lives more and work less. Men who are on the grind and trying to claw their way to the top often overlook the activities that make them well-rounded, balanced Renaissance men that everyone loves and admires. **Related:** [10 Ways Successful People Handle Stress](https://guycounseling.com/stress-management-success/) You might benefit from making a list of skills and abilities that you want to cultivate in your life. Have you ever wanted to learn how to rock climb? Well, it might not help you earn money, but learning a new skill can give you confidence and a sense of personal development. You’ll find that these pursuits are worth more than money. ## You think that you have to become successful to be happy Do you feel like happiness and the finer things in life are only waiting for you when you become successful? What does success look like to you? How do you know when you get there? Businessmen often get into this mindset that happiness is reserved for them only when they pass some made-up threshold. Men like this work constantly and fall into the trap of losing the value of the moment. They miss so many opportunities to experience happiness because they glorify sacrifice. Sacrifice is important and necessary to be successful. However, its not a badge that you need to wear in order to cross the goal line. Living in the moment gives you clarity; it gives you perspective. You don’t need to wait until you’re a millionaire or you’ve bought a house or any other metric of success to have a good time. A healthy work-life balance appreciates the journey and celebrates every small victory along the way. Success is not a destination and your viewpoint of success will constantly change and evolve. So, don’t wait on glory moments to be happy. Find happiness in every phase and stage of your life. **Related:** [Lack of Work-Life Balance Can Lead to Exhaustion](https://guycounseling.com/work-life-balance-exhaustion-12151/) ## A Final Word on Work-Life Balance The pressure to be successful and meet the expectations of a hyper capitalist society can present significant challenges to your mental health. The more long days you put into work, the more likely you are to ruminate about work even when you’re not in the office. It’s largely your responsibility to create a healthy work-life balance. That can be a good thing considering that you know what’s best when it comes to your own mental health needs. If you need to take a walk or a long bath to help you unwind, then feel free to set your own wellness routine. The important thing is to remove the guilt and destructive thoughts that you might be having about taking time off. You should make a firm distinction between work mode and rest mode. Don’t blur the lines. Work related stress can accumulate without much warning. So, keep track of your time off just like you keep track of how much time you spend working. Both are equally important. Recognize when you feel that nagging sense of guilt creeping into your conscious and remind yourself that work isn’t everything. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Mood, stress, Work-Life Balance --- ### [A Basic Guide to Meditation For Beginners](https://guycounseling.com/meditation-guide-beginners/) **Published:** March 1, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![meditation for beginners](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/meditation.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Meditation: The Basics Explained Are you curious about meditation? Have you heard of the term mindfulness but unsure what that means?  Is there a part of you who is open to meditation but need a simple set of directions to get started? If so, you aren’t alone. Lots of people are curious about the meditative process, the associated benefits, and how to begin the process. This brief guide is designed to help you on your journey of self-discovery and act as a “How To” guide. Before diving too deep, it may be helpful to gain a basic understanding of mindfulness. ## **What Is Mindfulness?** At its core, mindfulness is an approach to life that is focused on the here and now. Many people practice [mindfulness-based living](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-mindfulness-e27/) through the meditative process, which can come in many forms. Examples include guided imagery, breathing exercises, sitting with thoughts and even journaling. There isn’t a cookie cutter approach to mindfulness, but there is a theme present that is generally concerned with focusing your attention on the present moment (Mayo Clinic Staff, 2020). In many ways, mindfulness is a way of achieving an acute awareness of the moment, something that takes practice to achieve. In thinking about this state of being, it may be best to think of mindfulness as a skill that needs to be developed over time, similar to how one might build muscles. It is through practice and dedication that mindful living is achieved. Meditation is an excellent way to begin process. If you are a beginner to this process and unsure how to proceed, there is no need to fret. What follows is a step by step guide that you can use as a blueprint. Keep in mind that everyone mediates differently and that adjustments are to be expected. ## **Finding a Place** The first step in your meditative journey is to find a quiet place to relax. This could be the living room, your bedroom or someplace outside, like a nature preserve. The idea is to locate a place that has minimal distractions and where you can experience a sense of peace.  It might be a good idea to mute your smartphone, lower the volume on your computer or disengage any audible reminders of events in your immediate environment. In popular culture, we see depictions of meditation where a person is sitting yoga-style, knees crossed and arms placed on the knees. While this is certainly a popular way to sit, it is not required. Many people like laying on the floor, sitting on a comfortable chair or even resting on a hammock. The choice is yours. It may take some experimentation to determine which location and position works best for your situation (Krinleton, 2017). ## **Focus Your Attention** After locating a quiet place and assuming a comfortable position, it’s time to focus your attention on the here and now. An effective way to do this is to close your eyes and then tap into your five sense. Ask yourself, *what do I hear, what do I smell, what do I taste, what do I feel, what do I see?* On the last one, seeing, it may be that you see pitch black, light grey or some shade of light. Whatever you see – or don’t see – simply go with it. In using your senses, move about the business of acknowledging whatever is present. For example, if you hear the sound of traffic outside, say to yourself, *I am aware of cars moving on the street*. If you smell freshly made coffee coming from your kitchen, say to yourself, *I am aware of the smell of coffee*. You may notice the touch of fabric on your body, such as a cotton shirt on your shoulders. You may also taste nothing or something, which is completely OK. Simply acknowledge whatever is present. ## **Passing Thoughts** A common experience as part of meditation is the passage of thoughts. Sometimes they can be random. Other times, intrusive. They are simply memories or echoes from the past. Just like you did with your five senses, you will simply acknowledge the presence of these thoughts. Do not try to chase them away or force them out of your mind. Instead, welcome their presence and let them stay for as long as they want. In the paradoxical sense, many people find that by allowing thoughts to be present, they have a way of dissipating over time. Just like an owl observes the landscape, train your mind to observe your thoughts from a distance. Do they have a shape? Is there a color associated with them? Do they seem heavy? Whatever the manifestation, welcome their presence. ## **Working Through Challenges** It is entirely possible that you will face challenges as part of learning how to meditate. This is to be expected and should be viewed as a learning experience. For example, you may discover that a pet or child serves as a distraction due to noise. Try working through these kinds of issues by simply acknowledging whatever may be present. In many ways, the sounds and sensations you experience from your environment are confirmation that the world is doing just fine. Beginners to meditation also discover there are optimal times to focus the mind. For example, meditating in the early morning may best serve you, before the responsibilities of life kick in. Conversely, setting aside time at night may be a good choice, after family members have involved themselves with other activities. Again, this is a process in which you will learn what is best suited for your situation. As your skills improve, you may move to a level of [solving your problems with meditation](https://guycounseling.com/solve-problem-meditation/). ## **Allocating Time** The amount of time you choose to dedicate to meditation is up to you. For many, carving out 10 minutes each day as part of the learning process works well. Over time, you can add more minutes as your skills improve. If ten minutes a day seems overwhelming, you can shorten it to five minutes. Some people worry they will fall asleep during meditation. This is perfectly understandable. If this holds true for you. consider using some type of timer with a gentle bell that goes off after so many minutes. ## **Summary** Calmer living, emotional regulation and lower blood pressure are just a few of the [many benefits](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/less-stress-clearer-thoughts-with-mindfulness-meditation/) that can be derived from meditation (Mineo, 2017). As time goes on and your skills increase, you may find that meditation serves as a powerful stress inoculation tool. Some people even lean into this activity as a way of coping with anxiety, depression and other mood related challenges. **References** Krinleton, E. (2017, May 24). *Meditation Poses: In Your Desk Chair, on the Floor, and More*. Retrieved from Health Line: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/meditation-positions#sevenpoint-meditation Mayo Clinic Staff. (2020, September 15). *Mindfulness exercises*. Retrieved from Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356 Mineo, L. (2017, April 17). *Those who learn its techniques often say they feel less stress, think clearer*. Retrieved from Harvard Gazette: https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/less-stress-clearer-thoughts-with-mindfulness-meditation/ **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Meditation, Mindfulness, Relaxation --- ### [What You Need To Know About Touch Deprivation](https://guycounseling.com/touch-deprivation/) **Published:** February 28, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![touch Deprivation Couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/touch-depravation-couple.jpg?resize=727%2C484&ssl=1)Human Touch ## Touch Deprivation Explored One of the greatest impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic is that people just don’t casually touch one another anymore. You might not think it’s important if you’re married and have a family, but what about if you’re single and living in isolation? Touch deprivation can lead to serious deficits in mental health. The pandemic has reminded us all of the value of platonic casual touching. You know, the handshakes after a business meeting, the hugs with your neighbor because you helped with the recycling bins, or belly hugs with your bros after your favorite team scored a goal. These are some of the things that the COVID-19 pandemic has taken away. Fist bumps and head nods can’t substitute physical touches like hugs, handshakes, and caresses when it comes to regulating our mood. Touching and interacting with others is such a necessary part of human life that one of the worst punishments for prisoners is solitary confinement. For some people, the pandemic has forced them into similar conditions where they never go outside, never interact with other human beings, or receive platonic casual touches. Skin hunger is taking a toll on our collective consciousness. ## What is Skin Hunger? Skin hunger is the intense longing for physical contact and the emotional connection that comes from touching one another. Our skin is the largest organ of our body. Our sense of touch is extremely important. We need it much more than any other sense to survive. When we touch others, our skin stimulates the nervous system and sends important signals to the brain. Some of those signals are for simple things like recognizing texture, temperature, and pressure. However, a gentle caress or a hug can set off a chain reaction of impressions in our brains that releases dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These are the feel-good chemicals of our brains. ![lonliness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/low-self-esteem.jpg?resize=732%2C488&ssl=1)Touching and Loneliness ## The Link Between Touch Deprivation and Loneliness Physical touch lowers level of the stress hormone cortisol. This is the fight or flight hormone that also contributes to anxiety and stress when overactive. So, just touching other human beings keeps cortisol from building up and causing people to have crippling anxiety, depression, and other misalignments of mood. In 2014, researchers at Carnegie Melon University released the findings of [a study](https://www.cmu.edu/news/stories/archives/2014/december/december17_hugsprotect.html) on the power of touch. In the study, four hundred adults were exposed to the common cold. Those who received regular hugs from trusted individuals had a lower rate of infection. Either the physical contact itself or the support derived from hugging led to less severe physical illness. In a separate study out of John Hopkins University, a professor of neuroscience found that children who weren’t regularly comforted through touch had significant developmental problems. Those problems included delayed cognitive development and increased aggression. The findings were readily apparent in children, but these effects are observed in adults, as well. Feelings of loneliness can be related to physical cues from the environment. One of the biggest physical cues from the environment comes from how and how often we touch others. A [report](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7250541/) from a 2020 issue of the scientific journal *Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology* addressed the connection between loneliness and touch deprivation. Participants in the corresponding study who didn’t receive regular human contact felt lonely and isolated. Participants who were exposed to regular physical contact reported lower levels of social neglect. Even among individuals who come from cultures and societies where touch isn’t highly valued, participants showed greater levels of loneliness when social bonding was neglected. On the other hand, Latin American cultures and some European cultures use touch as a common form of greeting. This can be in the form of a kiss on the cheek or a platonic hug. It’s part of their culture and something that is deeply ingrained in the way that people within these cultures and societies interact with one another. Take this away and you’re left with entire populations of skin hungry individuals. Social distancing measures put in place to stem the spread of COVID-19 have failed to compensate for this side effect. ## How Did We Get Here? We’ve lost a lot of things as a result of the pandemic, not all of them were apparent right from the onset. Touch deprivation is one of those slow burns that crept up as the weeks became months and the months became years. We shut ourselves away in our homes and gradually our circles of interaction got smaller. For some people, the fear of contracting the coronavirus came with crippling anxiety about touching other people. **Related:** [Finding Romance Behind The Facemask](https://guycounseling.com/dating-romance-facemasks/) People were already touching each other less even before the pandemic. Rigid guidelines on workplace interaction, increased online activity, sexual misconduct scandals, and other societal phenomenon have greatly curtailed the presence of touch in normal platonic situations. When you put a viral pandemic on the coat tails of these measures, then you have a situation where people are already suffering a deficit in tactile stimulation. ![hidden emotions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/black-man-covering-eye.jpg?resize=726%2C484&ssl=1)Do You Ned Touch? ## Why is Touch So Important to the Human Body? We have developed various coping mechanisms to help us feel less anxious or more balanced during the pandemic, but there is something about touch that is hardwired into our DNA. Humans are social animals. The sense of touch helped us to survive in groups. This can be observed in primates, as well. The act of physical grooming and stroking during high stress situations is a part of primate social regulation. Touch modulates our emotions on both a behavioral and a chemical level. Our skin is full of nerve fibers that give us information about our environment. Some of those fibers relay information to the brain about sensations of heat, cold, and the dangers that are present in the environment around us. Yet, other nerve fibers register the pleasurable aspects of physical contact. These nerve fibers, C tactile afferents, send signals to the brain that help us regulate our mood. When your loved ones give you a hug, your skin stimulates a process that reduces cortisol levels and boosts the feel-good hormones in your brain. As humans, we might not recognize the importance of touch, but we certainly feel its absence. Without hugging for bereavement or to reduce the feelings of sadness, there’s nowhere to download the negative emotions that we’re experiencing. The old adage – a shoulder to cry on – isn’t taken literally anymore, but that shoulder is an important component of the comfort we need from friends and family. By physically engaging with someone, we’re sending the signal to our brains to release the pressure valve of stress, to essentially reset our cortisol levels. **Related:** [5 Steps Guys Can Take to Love Themselves](https://guycounseling.com/men-love-themselves-steps/) ## Ways to Cope with Touch Deprivation When social distancing forces us to neglect physical contact, our bodies are put under strain to find other ways to make us happy. That’s why so many people lean on alcohol, drugs and other easy fixes to compensate for touch deprivation. There may be an uptick in the coming years of cuddling therapists and rent-a-cuddle services. These strange occupations already exist for the skin hungry, but their popularity is almost certain to grow once platonic touching is much safer. **Related:** [7 Mental Health Tips for Coping with Shutdowns](https://guycounseling.com/mental-health-coping-lockdowns/) One of the ways that people can substitute touching our loved ones is by watching people touch each other. That might sound a bit strange, but through a process called vicarious touch we can witness touch and feel the same emotions. Just as we feel pain when we see someone getting hurt. In response to this yearning for human contact, *Jimmy Kimmel Live* posted a strange yet satisfying video to their YouTube page. It’s a 10-hour video of people touching each other. If you’ve been missing out on physical touch, then maybe you’d enjoy watching it, too. People can also bolster their need for physical touch by owning a pet. By caressing or petting a dog or cat, you get a similar feeling from hugging a loved one. If you feel as though you could benefit from a support animal then there are organizations like [USA Service Dog Registration](https://usaservicedogregistration.com/how-to-get-an-emotional-support-animal/) that can give you more information about how to get paired up with one. Touch helps people to manage high stress situations and the COVID-19 pandemic has certainly put a lot of stress on people. It’s illuminated a need that most people either forgot was important or found other ways to compensate for. Yet, our nervous systems are working overtime to process all the stress of day-to-day living without the mechanisms that were hardwired into our DNA to help us cope. Physical attachments are integral to our existence. Our sense of touch isn’t just providing sensations, it almost acts as an emotion in of itself. Touch is much more visceral than verbal communication. Its absence leaves a deficit that is hard to substitute. Yet, you can increase your level of eye contact and deepen your bonds with friends and family. Check in with people around you. Exercise gratitude and empathy whenever you can. Try not to allow your loved ones or yourself to fall into long bouts of physical isolation. There will be a next chapter to the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s important to make sure that touch deprivation doesn’t become part of the new normal. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Deprivation, Emotions, Touch --- ### [5 Powerful Ways To Break Out of A Bad Mood](https://guycounseling.com/stop-bad-mood/) **Published:** February 13, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![bad mood](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/bad-mood.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Break Out of a Bad Mood Every guy has those days that just don’t feel right. You wake up but don’t want to get out of bed. Your mind finds all the bad things happening in the world around you and echoes them to you over and over again. How do you break out of that terrible mood and get on with your day? How can you stop depressive moods from becoming more serious, long-term problems? Well, there’s plenty of methods and strategies out there, but I can tell you from experience that when I’m bummed out the last thing I want to do is start exercising or make up my bed. Here are some of my own techniques that can stop a bad mood dead in its tracks. You see, even though I’m a mental health counsellor, I have bad days, too. Everybody does; it’s natural. So, I developed some feel better tricks that are really easy. They don’t take a lot of effort and you can feel the effects right away. Here are 5 Tips for Breaking Out of a Bad Mood ## **1. Play a Video Game** Video games are designed to give you satisfying cognitive rewards and an entertaining experience. You receive achievements as you level up a character or advance to higher stages. Developing a character skill is much easier in a video game than developing a skill in the real world. Designers do this on purpose to make the game more addictive. You match three gems and get a auditory bell accompanied by that sparkle which sets off a cascade of sparkles and dings that take you to the next level. It feels good. Playing video games can break a depressive cycle if you don’t overindulge. The trick is to set a timer when playing video games to enhance your mood. The goal isn’t escapism. You don’t want to play all day, just feel better about your day. So, set a timer for about 2 hours. Enjoy the game guilt-free for the time you’ve allotted and then move on to something else. Here are some of my video game recommendations based on different mood problems. If you’re feeling angry or sad about a social situation, then I recommend playing any of the *Batman: Arkham* games. You’re kicking ass and solving puzzles as Batman. It’s a no-brainer. For guys who are struggling with mental fog or being unproductive, I’d recommend Mojang’s *Minecraft*. You’d be surprised at the tremendous feeling of satisfaction that comes from building a log cabin brick by brick in the middle of nowhere. There’s no way to fail this game and you can spark your imagination for creative problem solving in the real world later. For guys who just want to shut off their brains or might be suffering from anxiety, a good ‘ol game of *Tetris* or *Candy Crush* should do the trick. Just zone out and relax. Hopefully, you’ll appreciate those micro-accomplishments from the game and feel better about your own ability to solve problems and achieve real world goals. ## **2. Book a Staycation at a Local Hotel** If you’re getting bummed out by lockdown you might feel like the walls are closing in around you. It’d be helpful to just get away from your own world and take a trip, but traveling isn’t a straightforward process these days with COVID-19 restrictions in place. Luckily, some hotels are open for essential workers or people who need to travel for work-related purposes. Recently, I booked a two-night stay at a local Travelodge and it significantly boosted my mood. You can usually get past the restrictions with a little creative storytelling about the purpose of your stay. **Related:** [Too Much Business Travel Bad For Your Mental Health](https://guycounseling.com/business-travel-health-study-1918/) Book yourself into a local hotel online first. Then, bring some sort of work credentials with you. Mention that you’ll need a quiet professional environment for virtual meetings and conferences all day long and tell the receptionist that your home just won’t suit the purpose. That should get you past any restrictions and what you do behind closed doors is your own business. It feels amazing to enter a space where you don’t have to clean up after yourself and everything you need is laid out for you. Taking a staycation, even if just for a night or two, can remind you of the joy of traveling. It’s not Barbados, but the feeling can still be the same. This is about breaking out of a mood slump. Take a long bath or shower. Order some food that you don’t have to cook and forget about washing the dishes or making up the bed. Just focus on yourself. Get some work done if you feel up to it, but the important thing is to focus on revitalizing your mind, body, and soul. **Related:** [10 Ways Successful People Handle Stress](https://guycounseling.com/stress-management-success/) ## **3. Take a Smile Shower** What, you’ve never heard of a smile shower? Okay, maybe I just made that up, but from time to time, I take smile showers. It’s one of the most surefire ways that I’ve developed to break out of a funky mood. You might not feel like smiling, but when you smile your body sends powerful signals to your brain that release feel good neurochemicals. Even if you force yourself to smile, your brain releases those neurochemicals. There was a scientific [study](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/smiling-facilitates-stress-recovery.html) published by the *Association for Psychological Science* in 2012 which proved that smiling can reduce stress. The researchers found that by just engaging the facial muscles responsible for smiling, participants experienced lower levels of stress and increased levels of happiness. I suggest doing this in the shower because it’s an intimate, private space. You’re feeling the warm water rush over your skin. There’s that sensation of cleanliness and purification. So, smiling for no reason feels less awkward. Try to set a goal of smiling for the whole duration of your shower. You might even feel so silly that you actually chuckle a bit and start smiling for real. What I found was that after smiling for about five minutes, my mood started to improve. Then, my mind was having these kinds of thoughts – *oh, we’re smiling? Okay, well, here’s that funny video you saw on YouTube last week. Oh, and here’s some random images of your favorite comedians making funny faces.* It was as if my mind was trying to validate why I was smiling. There’s this fascinating sort of mirror effect that takes places while you’re having a smile shower. You’re physically smiling, which produces feel good chemicals, which in turn causes your mind to create images and ideas that validate those chemicals. Congratulations, you’ve just hacked your own emotions. You’ll leave the shower feeling light-hearted, relaxed and refreshed. The smile shower might even give you the boost you needed to clean your house or go out for a light jog. I’ve found that this is a great catalyst for other positive things to happen throughout the rest of the day. ## **4. Get Dressed Up Nice** This one takes a bit of effort but pays off big dividends. When you’re feeling down in the dumps, you don’t want to even get out of bed, let alone wear some fancy clothes. However, dressing up nice can significantly enhance your perception of self. Start by taking a shower and getting cleaned up. Then, select a nice outfit, but take no thought as to where you’re going or what you might be doing. The purpose is just to get dressed up nice for no reason at all. You might need to iron your shirt or slacks. Then, you might feel the need to splash on some cologne and comb your hair. Hell, you might even put on a tie. It’s a ritual, really. You’re going through the motions of behaviors that are associated with productive, self-confident actions. **Related:** [25 Best Smelling Colognes for Guys!](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) When I get dressed up for no reason, I usually find a reason to get out of the house. I might be ridiculously over-dressed for a trip to the supermarket, but I’m rewarded by the approving glances of people around me and the feeling of approval that I’ve produced inside of myself. Five different [experiments](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/minds-business/when-clothing-style-influences-cognitive-style.html#.WTmBucaZNBw) conducted by researchers at California State University, Northridge and Columbia University showed a correlation between how we dress and how we feel about ourselves. Participants in the study exhibited increased self confidence and abstract thinking when dressed in formal attire. You might take it for granted any other day but getting dressed and going out is an accomplishment. It’s one of the hardest things to do when you’re in a bad mood. Your natural inclination is to turtle-up and withdraw from activity. So, when you decide to go in the opposite direction, you’re proving to yourself that you have the willpower to overcome passing thoughts and feelings. Even if you don’t venture out that day, you’re still clean and dressed nicely. So, you’ve lost nothing. If you happen to pass by a mirror, you might even give yourself an approving nod of the head and realize that you’re actually kind of handsome, at least when you try. ## **5. Watch a Feel-Good Movie** This technique for enhancing your mood requires the least amount of effort. You can even do it from your bed if you don’t feel like getting up. Watching a feel-good movie is awesome because you set the rules for your own experience. Nobody can tell you what to watch. This is your own feel-good movie. For me, I always turn to *Coming to America*. I have the whole movie memorized but I can watch it over and over again. Sometimes, I don’t even laugh anymore at the comedic bits. It’s just a feel-good movie for me. It reminds me of times when I’ve watched this film with my family, and it takes me back to my good ol’ younger days. I’m sure you have a film or TV show that produces those same kinds of feelings and thoughts. Watching your favorite movie wraps you up in nostalgia and familiar emotions. It’s the fact that this movie is so familiar that improves your mood. Uncertainty produces anxiety, but when you’re comfortable you relax the tension in your mind. You can watch a feel-good movie alone or you can get a mood-boosting bonus by inviting someone else to watch it with you. This takes a certain level of trust because you’re inviting someone into your safe space. So, be sure to watch your feel-good movie with someone who won’t ruin the experience for you. ## **The Takeaway** There’s no shortage of advice on how to snap out of it and feel better. In most cases, it’s easier said than done. These are some of the easiest ways that I’ve improved my own mood and broke the spell of a bad day. The hotel trip is the priciest trick on this list. The feel-good movie is the cheapest. You can decide which one of these will work best in your own situation. You might even be able to put all five of these techniques together for a super mood-boosting combo. What you want to avoid are quick fixes that have negative consequences. So, don’t reach for that six pack of donuts. You might feel better in the moment, but the backlash will set you back even further. The same goes for drugs and alcohol. The consequences just aren’t worth it in the end. Whichever method you choose, I hope you’re able to improve your mood. Remember – everybody has some bad days and that’s perfectly normal, but if you experience a prolonged period of depressive mood, then you should consider talking to a professional.  One place to consider getting the guidance and support you need is through [Better Help](https://www.betterhelp.com/guycounseling). **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Affiliate, Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Mood --- ### [How To Create A Personal Energy Shield For Protection](https://guycounseling.com/personal-energy-shield/) **Published:** February 6, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![energy shield](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/personal-energy-shield.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Personal energy shield  ## Create a personal energy shield Are you trying to protect yourself from negative energy? Do you want to repel back the forces of other people’s bad attitude? Hoping to access a tool for emotional protection? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Much of the work I do with clients draws on the tenets of mindfulness, allowing them to access a peak performance resource state. And here is the thing – if we don’t push back against others darkness, we can quickly find ourselves in an unwanted place. Here are a few questions the think about: Have you ever been around a person who vibes out gloominess? Did their dark energy have a way of dampening your light? When the interaction was over, did you feel emotionally depleted? If any of this resonates, chances are you were in the presence of an [energy vampire](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7212/energy-vampires-who-they-are-how-to-ditch-them.html), a person who parasitically drains its victims of happiness and joy. Insidious in nature, these people are perpetually nasty and move from person to person in a quest to bring folks down. Why some people are like this is beyond my understanding.  All I know is they exist and, if your search your memories, you can probably identify one or two of these people who orbit your circle. Examples include friends, family members, and even coworkers. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could create some type of shield to protect against their bad mojo? How cool would it be to lift that shield up and block them? Well, there is no need to imagine. What follows is a simple, five-step process for creating your own personal protective device. I promise that it is a lot easier than you think. Plus, it’s kind of fun. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![energy meditation light ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/light-energy-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Meditation ## 1. Spend five minutes in meditation One of the first things you’ll want to do is clear your mind of any mental debris that will get in the way of building your shield. The best approach is to go into meditation. It doesn’t need to be long, just five minutes. An excellent way to do this is by [conducting a simple body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). The goal is to cleanse any mental toxicity that may be present, removing blockages so that you can move onto the next step. ## 2. Recall a moment of resilience Cast your mind back to a period in life when you experienced a moment of resilience. Think of a time when you endured something difficult. Examples include passing a test, overcoming the heartache of a breakup, or winning a sporting event. If you can’t think of an experience, allow your mind to make one up. To do this, imagine you are a famous athlete, a superhero, or character from mythology. Ask yourself: *what qualities this person possesses that exude strength and resilience?* Once you have a mental picture created, allow yourself to feel this sense of strength and power. Let those feelings permeate your entire body, from head to toe. Now feeling this positive energy, say the following affirmation three times: *I am strong and resilient.* *I am strong and resilient.* *I am strong and resilient.* As part of this step, some people feel a slight warmness in their bodies. Others notice a tingling sensation in the hands and feet. Whatever you experience is completely OK. Accept these sensations and welcome the experience. Now fully in this state, place one hand on each knee. Gently tap from right to left, alternating the taps for 60 seconds. In your mind’s eye, repeat the affirmation again: ***I am strong and resilient.*** This step should take no more than five minutes. ## 3. Create a shield Now that you are feeling empowered, it is time to build your shield. To do this, all that is needed are imaginal resources. In your mind’s eye, what does your shield look like? For example, is it make of wood or metal? What color is your shield? Does it have any unique markings? Is there insignia that appears on the front, like your initials? Do you see a coat of arms? Some people decorate their shield using themes. For example, if you were victorious in a game, you might see your team’s mascot emblazed on the front. If you passed a test, you might see the letter “A”. Did you imagine yourself as a superhero? Project something symbolic that represents this person. For example, an “S” may mean Superman, or a hammer might signify Thor. You get the idea. **Tip:** Some people find that drawing their shield on a sheet of paper helps to build a stronger connection. Should you decide to engage in this activity, be as creative as possible. Minus the drawing, this step should take no more than 5 minutes. ![light shield energy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/light-shield.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Let your shield glow ## 4. Charge your shield Now that you have created your shield, it’s time to charge it. Close your eyes and imagine this object six to ten feet in front of you. It can be freestanding or propped up by a rod – whatever your mind produces. Now tap into those feelings, emotions, and sensations that came up for you during step 2 from above. Yes, that’s right – place your hands on your knees again and slowly tap from left to right. Repeat the affirmation. ***I am strong and resilient.*** Do this for 60 seconds. After tapping, it’s white light time. Imagine a white, narrow beam of light projecting from the top of your head \[[the crown chakra](https://guycounseling.com/root-chakra-affirmations/)\]. Infuse this light with all of the personal strength and resilience that you just tapped into. Let these feelings completely fill up your beam. As you do this, you may notice the beam becoming brighter. Just go with it. Now direct this beam directly to the center of your shield. As the seconds go by, your shield may begin to take on a magnificent glow. Should this happen, embrace it! When it feels right, let the beam coming from your head to fade. The only thing you should see now is the glowing shield. This step should take no more than 3 minutes. ## 5. Grab your shield Now that your shield is fully charged, it’s time to grab your shield. Walk over to it from behind and use the leather grips (called [Enarmes](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enarme)) that are attached. Place an arm through it in a way that feels comfortable. Hold up your shield in front of you. Now move it from right to left. Wield it around a bit. Allow yourself to feel its tremendous protective power. Now imagine placing your shield on your back with a shoulder strap, technically referred to as a [guige](https://www.dictionary.com/browse/guige). At any point during the day, you can reach for your shield as a tool of protection. Examples include unhappy family members, energy-sucking coworkers, or anyone who vibes out negativity. Just knowing this shield is with you can be extremely powerful. ## Wrap Up Creating a personal energy shield isn’t hard, but it does take time and practice to develop. There may be times that the size, look, and feel of your shield will change. This is very normal. I hope you found this mindfulness-based technique that draws on your imaginal resources to be helpful. On a related note, be sure to read how to create your very [own circle of confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/). **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Energy Shield, Meditation, Mindfulness, Protection, Shield --- ### [How To Solve Your Problem With Meditation](https://guycounseling.com/solve-problem-meditation/) **Published:** January 30, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![solve problem meditaiton](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/solve-problem-meditation.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Problem Solving Meditation ## Problem Solving Meditation Do you want to access a part of you that offers inner guidance? Are you struggling with a problem that requires careful thought and consideration? Hoping to make the right decision? In this exercise, I will teach you how to conduct a [meditation](https://www.healio.com/psychiatry/journals/jpn/2004-7-42-7/%7B83fbd6dd-199b-4e96-bd25-44e236366bde%7D/mindfulness-meditation-a-path-of-transformation--healing) designed to help you arrive at a place of answers. It’s called *Journey to the Wisdom of The Heart*. The meditation itself has been adapted from the book, *Healing and Transformation Through Self-Guided Imagery* (Davenport, 2009). You can get a copy of this book on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/36r7vcx). In many ways, this meditation works with another post I wrote that explores [how to solve your problems with dreams](https://guycounseling.com/solve-problems-dreams/). The idea is to tap into the deeper part of you, connected to an aspect of the self called psycho-spiritualism. That’s a ten-dollar term used to describe the blending of psychology and spirituality. Is it woo-woo? I’ll let you decide. All that is really important to conduct this meditation is a desire for answers and an open mind. Here is how you conduct the meditation in six steps. Allow up to fifteen minutes for this meditation. ![problem solving meditation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/heart-biofeedback.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Journey To The Wisdom of the Heart Meditation ## 1. Reflect on your problem (1 min) Write down a word or phrase to symbolize the issue you wish to receive inner guidance about from your heart. The shorter, the better. Example: *I’m not sure if I should quit my current job and accept the position at the new company. What should I do?* Shortened: *Job* Jot the word or phrase down on a piece of paper. Turn the piece of paper over and put it to the side, trusting that in just a few minutes, a part of you will tap into a greater wisdom to address your concerns. ## 2. Take the journey (3 mins) Find a quiet, comfortable place that you can sit or lie down. Examples include your living room floor, a favorite chair, or even your bed. Make sure distractions are kept to a minimum. This means checking your smartphone to make sure it is silenced or lowering the sound on your tablet or laptop. To help clear your mind, focus on your breathing. Notice how your chest rises with each inhalation and falls with each exhalation. - Each time you breathe in, say to yourself *clarity*. - Each time you exhale, say the word *peace*. - Feel your body becoming more and more relaxed. - If your mind wanders, that’s OK because that is what minds do. Simply refocus your attention on your breathing. Continue these steps for three to five minutes until your body is as relaxed as possible. ## 3. Access your inner sanctuary (3 mins) Now that you feel calm and relaxed imagine a place that is even more peaceful – real or imagined. This could be a beach, the woods, a meadow, or even a landscape from another world. Whatever your mind produces, let it be a place where you can be completely yourself, free from any pressures or expectations. You may be surprised where you find yourself. Don’t judge it. Instead, simply accept what you see. - The imagery may or may not be familiar to you. - Wherever you are, it may be a place that is just for today. - Whether you are indoors or outdoors, find a place in this setting where you can sit down and be relaxed. - Take in the colors, sounds, scents, and air. - Recognize this is your safe space that is special and belongs only to you. What you have accessed is your inner sanctuary. It is a protected place that only you can access. ## 4. Let your heart solve your problem (3 mins) As you remain relaxed and calm in this safe space, imagine your piece of paper (the one you wrote something down on) gently floating down from above and landing in front of you. In your mind’s eye, view your concern again. Feel your distress as it is embraced by the calm energy of your inner sanctuary. - Reach out and pick up the piece of paper. - Place it in your palms and hold it upward. - Trust that in a few moments, you will receive guidance from your heart. - You may experience a sense of warmth throughout your entire body. This is entirely normal. If you don’t sense this warmth, that is OK, too. As the paper rests in your palms, notice how it feels. Does it feel light or heavy? Whatever the answer, simply notice it. ## 5. Receive the heart’s answer (5 mins) As you relax in your sanctuary, ask your heart for a wise and loving response to your problem. Give yourself permission to tap into this [form of spiritual guidance](https://guycounseling.com/spiritual-guidance/). Let your heart’s reply appear a few feet in front of you. - Whatever imagery you see, receive it as an honored guest. - Take note of its shape, texture, color, figure, and size. - Feel the qualities that this image embodies. - What does it want you to know about your concern? - How do you feel the presence of your heart’s wise advice? Whatever message you receive, allow yourself to be with it for a moment. Observe the message for what it is, and accept the answer as it comes to you. ## 6. Thanking your heart (3 mins) When it feels right, thank your heart for its guidance. Allow the imagery you have observed to fade away, like an electronic picture slowly losing its pixilations, piece by piece. Just as water can be taken from one room to the next, so too can your heart’s wisdom. Think of this insight as a vessel of your awareness. Now it is time to return to the here and now. - Focus on your breathing again. - Become more aware of your body as you inhale and exhale. - Allow yourself to acclimate to your physical environment. - Open your eyes, feeling refreshed and calm, trusting the answer you’ve received from your heart is the right one. If there is a part of you that wants to continue relaxing, that is completely OK. Get up when it feels right. ## Wrap Up You will experience the greatest benefit from this meditation when your heart’s wise advice guides your daily life experience. Over the next few hours or days, allow the wisdom you have received to integrate into your person by finding practical steps that transform insight into action. Some people find it helpful to write down specific words or phrases that come to mind and then return to them later after a period of reflection. The heart’s answers aren’t always literal. Instead, they appear through metaphor or allegory. Lean into your intuitive senses as part of the dynamic. Keep in mind that meditation is a combination of skill and art. Allow yourself time to practice this exercise. Pay close attention to the imagery you see and take note of what it is trying to tell you. — **References** Davenport, L. (2009). *Healing and transformation through self-guided imagery.* Berkley, CA: Celestial Arts. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Meditate, Meditation, Problem Solving --- ### [Why Are So Many People Watching Other People Play Video Games?](https://guycounseling.com/watching-people-play-video-games/) **Published:** January 17, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![playing video games](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/playing-video-games.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Benefits of watching people play games Before the coronavirus pandemic, live e-sports competitions were on a meteoric rise. Then, there was a dramatic shift to watching games online. In 2020, people flocked to online portals like YouTube and Twitch to watch other people play their favorite video games. 2020 was YouTube’s biggest year on record for gaming. According to [YouTube data](https://blog.youtube/news-and-events/youtube-gaming-2020), people clocked over 100 billion hours of viewership just watching other people play games. There are now more than 40 million gaming channels on YouTube. The gaming industry experienced a boost from the pandemic. That’s for sure. With more people stuck at home during lockdowns and quarantines, more people bought new games to pass the time. Yet, nobody expected the huge surge in binge-watching gaming content. But why? ## Watching Others Play Creates a Sense of Community There are many different reasons, but one that particularly sticks out is the need for connection and community during a time when both are especially challenging to find in the real world. It’s difficult to even visit a friend and play games in their living room when entire cities are under strict mandates to avoid household mixing. Therefore, playing online games and watching others play provides that sense of connection. You can leave comments on their videos and actually bump into them while playing your favorite games on an online server. You might even meet someone new that shares your love for Star Wars memes. ## Watching Others Play Creates A Feeling of Empathy Watching others play video games creates a really neat psychological effect that centers around our ability to mimic what we see. It’s a phenomenon called mirror neurons. For example, if you watch someone make a funny face, your brain creates new neural pathways to help you learn how to make that same funny face. A [research project](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323090519_MIRROR_NEURONS_AND_EMPATHY_CHAPTER_6_REFLECTIONS_OF_OTHERS_AND_OF_SELF_THE_MIRROR_NEURON_SYSTEM'S_RELATIONSHIP_TO_EMPATHY) from Northern Arizona University in 2018 found that this same mirror neuron effect created empathy and compassion, as well. Researchers used non-invasive brain imaging to witness mirror neuron activity. They found a connection between what we see when others play games and how that makes us feel. As a gaming spectator, you can experience the same highs and lows, the breathtaking moments and thrills of a game without actually playing it yourself. It’s just like what happens when your favorite team scores a goal. The whole stadium goes wild! **Related:** [Virtual Reality Could Be the Future of Psychotherapy](https://guycounseling.com/virtual-reality-psychotherapy-future/) ## Watching Others Play is Just Plain Entertaining If you’ve never watched a YouTube gaming channel, then you’re missing out on some truly entertaining content. These gamers don’t just play the game; they use mods to create entire plotlines and unique encounters. Minecraft is the most popular video game for online viewing and users often create characters from pop culture and put them in exciting circumstances. What’s behind that door? Is it a pit of lava? Is it a giant Sonic the Hedgehog? No, it’s…thousands of rabid baby chickens. You’d better get your popcorn. ## Watching Others Play Teaches You How to Play If you’re shopping for new video games, then watching others play is a terrific way to determine if you’ll enjoy playing it, as well. Gamers with online channels run through game mechanics and give tips and tricks. Some might say that watching someone else play takes away certain challenges of learning the game yourself, but today’s video games are so complex that there’s bound to be plenty of difficult scenarios for you to tackle on your own, even with help from professional gamers. ## Or is it All Video Game Addiction? There is a slippery slope when it comes to video games. A small percentage of gamers can become addicted and their obsession with gaming can have harmful effects on their life and their relationships. Some gamers spend their entire day either playing games, uploading their gaming content to an online platform, or interacting with other gamers. In 2020, [Valve](https://store.steampowered.com/stats/) reported that users spent 21.3 billion hours on their *Steam* online gaming platform. That’s a 50% increase over the previous year. Some people might even consider watching others play video games as a break from actually playing games themselves, but in reality, they are still heavily immersed in the gaming world. Video game addiction is real, but it’s not as prevalent as some might think. Researchers from Brigham Young conducted a 6-year study on pathological video game play. Their [findings](https://news.byu.edu/intellect/is-video-game-addiction-real) were published in the summer of 2020. Researchers found that only 10% of gamers in their study group displayed higher levels of depression, aggression, shyness, problematic cell phone use and anxiety by emerging adulthood. Related: [5 Signs Your Gaming Addiction is Hurting Your Relationship](https://guycounseling.com/gaming-addiction/) ## Competitive E-sports is Still Thriving People were packing into arenas by the thousands to watch professional gamers play before the pandemic. We’re talking crowds of 40,000 people, all excitedly watching live video game competitions. According to [Brabners](http://insights.brabners.com/post/102fsy5/esports-2019-statistics-trends-data#:~:text=In%202019%20the%20total%20esports,with%2075%20million%20esports%20enthusiasts.&text=North%20America%20will%20generate%20around,as%2037%25%20world%2Dwide.) market statistics, it was estimated that in 2019 the total esports audience would grow to 453.8 million with a billion dollars of revenue generated. That’s a revenue potential to rival classic sports like football and basketball. In fact, some celebrities are already taking a vested interest in the popularity of esports. Drake, Jennifer Lopez, and Steph Curry are all esport investors. Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson are co-owners of the League of Legends group Team Liquid. The Golden State Warriors basketball team has their own esports team called The Golden Guardians. The pandemic has taken a bite out of esports. Since most live events were postponed or canceled, there just isn’t as much cash to go around. Merchandise, ticket sales, and team revenue are all down. The pandemic has forced esports out of its honeymoon phase and into the hard work of refilling their investors pockets. Esport teams and venues do this by diversifying. Everyone has had to do it as a result of COVID-19. That means more online engagement with social media and streaming platforms like YouTube and Twitch. Some esport teams are using YouTube to introduce their celebrity players while others are taking things a step further by pursuing deals with Amazon and Netflix for movies and docuseries. That doesn’t mean esport tournaments are dropping out. The 2021 season for the League of Legends Championship Series (LCS) is kicking off this week. LCS is the world’s most popular esport, and this season promises to be one of the most competitive to date. You can tune in and watch LCS from the comfort of your gaming chair on [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/lcs) or [Twitch](https://www.twitch.tv/lcs). ## Final Stage Points It seems as if people who like playing video games are also hardwired to enjoy watching others play, as well. Especially during the 2020 lockdowns, gamers found new ways to connect with one another. Also, existing platforms were utilized with greater intensity. YouTube became the preferred portal for video games by hosting tournaments, encouraging new gamers to create channels and enabling popular gamers to profit from their passion. Escapism and entertainment are big factors for why people watch others play games. However, it’s all about the shared experience. Finding that experience in new ways will shape the world of gaming going forward. **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Mental Health, Video Games, Watching --- ### [10 Things That Make Anxiety Worse](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-anxiety-worse/) **Published:** January 9, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anxiety man eyes fear](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/man-fear.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What Not To Do With Anxiety Do you struggle with anxiety? Have you ever wondered if your coping strategies make things worse? Are you hoping to create positive change? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. Millions of people struggle with [some form of anxiety](https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety) each year. Common symptoms include pronounced feelings of panic, extreme fear, and excessive worry. When things get bad, you can even experience shortness of breath, trembling and avoidant behaviors. All of this is being shared because it is understandable why you might want to reach for something quick to calm your nerves. After all, who wouldn’t want to feel less stressed and more relaxed? But in my experience as an [anxiety specialist](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961) in Chicago, certain behaviors can unintentionally make things go from bad to worse. Curious about what those are? Here are 10 specific things to avoid if you struggle with anxiety. ![number 10](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1)10 things that make anxiety worse ## 1. Denial When you pretend anxiety isn’t part of your life, you engage in the cognitive distortion known as *denial*. This can have the unintentional effect of amplifying what you are feeling. [People with OCD](http://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2015/01/10-things-ocd-doesnt-want-you-to-know/) particularly need to be mindful of this behavior. ## 2. Avoidance While it may initially seem logical to avoid things that scare you, engaging in “hiding” behaviors can actually make things worse. The funny thing about fear is that it has a way of bleeding into other life areas. **Example:** If you fear driving on an open highway and only use side-roads, you may develop a fear of driving on city streets. That’s the paradoxical cruelty of anxiety disorder, such as a phobia. They can spread. For this reason, it is better to embrace your mental health issues and face them rather than deny their existence. ## 3. Fishing for Reassurances “I’m not fat, am I?” is a question you may ask a friend to gain reassurance. The premise of the question, however, suggests that you already *think* you are fat. The support you are looking to receive (unfortunately) reinforces your core belief \[I’m fat\]. This in turn, can distort reality. ## 4. Magical Thinking If you are waiting for someone to pull out a magic wand and take away your anxiety, you may be waiting a long time. Meantime, as you wait for that wand to appear, your worries grow stronger. Magical thinking is part of a larger [family of cognitive distortions](http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/) that can negatively impact anxiety. ## 5. Downing Herbal Drinks Sure – drinking a soothing beverage can help calm your nerves but do so with caution. If you use herbal drinks too much, you may exacerbate things by getting hooked on them. At a minimum, pick something non-caffeinated and sip on it rather than chugging it. Try to drink teas that are [known to ease anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/10-natural-remedies-anxiety-calm-relax/), and made from natural substances. ## 6. Thought Stopping Trying to force thoughts to go away with a rubber-band or some other device may offer a momentary reprieve, but this technique isn’t very effective. In fact, may be making anxiety worse through denial (see point 1). Instead, learn the basics of [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/). Essentially, ACT is all about integrating your feelings, whatever they may be, into your whole person. ## 7. Relying Only On Meds For many people, medications can offer relief from anxiety. But if meds are your only coping strategy, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Think about it – what happens if you build a tolerance to the medication? Additionally, how will you cope when you decide to come off the pills? Instead of leaning into just one thing, consider adding natural coping strategies such as mindfulness, physical activity or [anxiety focused hypnotherapy](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/). ## 8. Analysis (Psychoanalysis) This type of talk-therapy is focused mostly on your childhood and past. For some people, this approach can offer a powerful form of catharsis. It can also lead to self-insight. That said, the scientific literature suggests psychoanalysis is not the most effective anxiety treatment approach. The same holds true for anxiety’s best friend – depression. See this [post on 10 things depression doesn’t want you to know](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-depression-want-you-know/). As an alternative, consider some form of CBT therapy or work with a counselor who uses an integrative approach. ## 9. Alcohol and Drugs You may be tempted to reach for a drink or use illicit drugs to calm your nerves. This makes sense when fear, uncertainty, and doubt take hold. But what you may not know is any benefit you experience is likely temporary. Over the long-term, certain substances can even make your anxiety worse. I’ll leave the whole addiction thing alone but simply say chemical dependency is a very real thing. Instead of using substances, consider learning meaningful breathing techniques designed to lower your heart rate and create a sense of calm. Learn more in this [post about autogenic training](https://guycounseling.com/autogenic-training-benefits/). ## 10. Learned Helplessness Have you adopted the belief that there’s nothing you can do about your anxiety? If so, you could be making your situation worse through [learned helplessness](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-learned-helplessness-2795326). The best way to avoid this trap is by discovering ways of working through. An example strategy can be found in [mindfulness-based meditations](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/). ## Final Thoughts Anxiety isn’t like a light switch that can turned on or off at will. If only it were true. But you can learn healthy ways of coping that act as a metaphorical dimmer. In this way, you lessen the intensity of anxiety and it’s symptoms. Thanks for stopping by. — **Related Posts:** [Can EMDR help with more than PTSD?](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-study-therapy/) [How to use dreams for problem solving](https://guycounseling.com/solve-problems-dreams/) [Can using crystals help your mood?](https://guycounseling.com/crystal-healing-explored/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, EMDR, fear, Hypnotherapy, stress --- ### [Shia LaBeouf’s Career Might Not Survive Recent Legal Trouble](https://guycounseling.com/shia-labeoufs-legal-problems/) **Published:** January 9, 2021 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![shia](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/shia-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Shia LeBeouf News In the past, actors and Hollywood elite have been able to bounce back from claims of abuse, but Shia LeBeouf may be all out of do-overs. Shia LaBeouf is just 34 years old, but his Hollywood career is in the balance due to the latest round of allegations of sexual abuse and misconduct. In December, FKA Twigs brought a lawsuit against Shia LeBeouf alleging that her ex-boyfriend subjected her to sexual battery, emotional abuse and knowingly gave her a sexually transmitted disease. FKA, real name Tahliah Debrett Barnett, went on to say that while driving at high speeds Shia unbuckled his seatbelt and threatened to kill them both if she didn’t say that she loved him. Twigs also alleged that Shia kept a loaded handgun by the bed and made her sleep in the nude. Critics have raised eyebrows over the allegations because FKA Twigs waited so long to go public with her claims. Shia has been on damage control, denying most of the allegations. However, he promptly submitted a response to the [*New York Times*](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/11/arts/music/fka-twigs-shia-labeouf-abuse.html) and checked himself into a long term rehab and mental health facility for help wit [alcoholism and PTSD](https://guycounseling.com/ptsd-coping-strategies/). ‘I’m not in any position to tell anyone how my behavior made them feel. I have no excuses for my alcoholism or aggression, only rationalizations,’ he wrote in an email. ‘I have been abusive to myself and everyone around me for years. I have a history of hurting the people closest to me. I’m ashamed of that history and am sorry to those I hurt. There is nothing else I can really say.’ *Pieces of a Woman* was the last feature film that Shia LeBeouf starred in before his recent legal battles began. The indie drama about a couple who lose their baby debuted on January 7th. In response to the charges of relentless abuse by his former lover, Netflix has removed Shia LeBeouf’s image and name from their *Pieces of a Woman* support media. LeBeouf’s co-star Vanessa Kirby addressed the controversy in a recent interview with [*The Sunday Times*](https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/vanessa-kirby-takes-acting-to-the-edge-sc9nwjlxl)*.* ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3o72FbxBw0pqx4HMmA/giphy.gif?ssl=1) “I stand with all survivors of abuse and respect the courage of anyone who speaks their truth. Regarding the recent news, I can’t comment on an ongoing legal case.” That was far from an outright rebuke of her co-star, but Kirby chose to make a sweeping condemnation of all forms of abuse and lauded any victim who felt empowered to speak out. Shia has already witnessed dramatic highs and lows with his Hollywood career. Most people first got a glimpse of LeBeouf on Disney’s *Even Stevens* in 2000. Shia was one Hollywood’s young stars to watch as he transitioned to major motion pictures by 2003. He was in *Holes, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle,* and *I, Robot* before his breakout role in *Transformers* in 2007. **Related:** [10 Facts about Tom Hardy You Might Not Know! ](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-facts/) Yet, his rise to Hollywood stardom was frequently marred by arrests and drunken public feuds. He was arrested in 2007 for getting in a drunken fight with security guards at a convenience store, in 2008 for a DUI, and 2011 for a drunken barfight. Shia’s most public meltdown happened in 2014 when he made a drunken show of his own during the Broadway show *Cabaret.* LeBeouf spent a few stints in rehab and started to get his career back on track with his semi-autobiographical film *Honey Boy.* ## Shia LeBeouf Career New Issues Yet, this latest round of legal trouble might be the fatal blow to LeBeouf’s career. Recently, Johnny Depp was removed from *Fantastic Beasts* and the *Pirates of the Caribbean* franchise for his role in domestic disputes with a former lover. It would seem that Hollywood has lost its penchant for granting abusers second chances. Shia LeBeouf has gotten back in the saddle rather quickly though…at least romantically. Just a week after FKA Twigs went public with her allegations, Shia was spotted getting steamy with another celebrity sweetheart. He is reportedly dating 24-year-old Margaret Qualley. **Related:** [5 Self-Care Tips for Guys During Addiction Recovery](https://guycounseling.com/addiction-recovery-tips-men/) Their public displays of affection might have been all for show. After all, the best way to say that you’re a perfectly normal boyfriend is to quickly get spotted making out with your new girlfriend. Yet, this well-timed stunt might not be enough to save Shia’s career. As a result of the recent allegations by LeBeouf’s former lover FKA Twigs, Shia’s been dropped from nearly all the films that he was rumored to appear in. He was just getting back into the swing of things. The *Honey Boy* actor was in talks to join films from Netflix, DC and Marvel. LeBeouf was also rumored to be rejoining the *Transformers* franchise. Time will tell if Hollywood’s memory will fade in favor of LeBeouf’s acting career. However, the mood of the room (so to speak) is that Hollywood elites aren’t special when it comes to abuse and that perpetrators won’t get contracts in the near future. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Alcoholism, Celebrities, Shia LaBeouf --- ### [7 Steps To Solving Your Problems With Dreams](https://guycounseling.com/solve-problems-dreams/) **Published:** January 2, 2021 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![solving problems with dreams surreal man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/solving-problems-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Using Dreams To Solve Problems Are you struggling with a problem? Does the solution elude you like a slippery fish? Is the problem complicated? If the answer is yes, you may want to consult your dreams. That’s because dreams have a way of providing solutions. If that sounds silly or even a little Wu-Wu, that’s OK. What I am suggesting here is unconventional and not the traditional pathway to problem resolution. But sometimes, we need to call on something different, mainly when there is no clear answer and we aren’t sure what to do. ## Dreams and Problem Solving For centuries, dreams have been used as a tool for insight (Moss, 2009). The ancients believed that when a person dreams, the individual taps into divine energy. New agers refer to this energy as karmic wisdom. Shaman sometimes call it spiritual messaging. Mental health professionals, such as psychologists and counselors, refer to it as the subconscious. Regardless of the label, it is fair to say that when we dream, we access parts of the brain connected to creativity and new possibilities (Schredl & Erlacher, 2007). My hope in penning this piece is to help you with that “access” part as you stimulate the imagination. Now before we dive too deep, I want to encourage you to have an open mind. This means putting aside rigid belief systems and granting yourself permission to try something new. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in. ![solving problems with your dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/plants-sleep.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams and problem solving ## 1. Be Specific About Problem The more specific you are about your problem, the more likely you are to receive guidance. Examples include: *Should I accept a new job offer* *or* *Should I give my ex a second chance?* Avoid generalizations, such as: *What is the meaning of my life* or *How can I become self-actualized?* ## 2. Write It Down Once you have identified the problem, it is time to write it down. Doing so will help provide clarity while stimulating the subconscious. If you believe in the law of attraction, you already know that whatever intention you put out into the universe will come back to you in some form. The idea here is to attract an answer. Some people write a short note about their problem to their dreams, kind of like contacting an old friend. Once written, they tuck the note under their pillow at night. ## 3. Consult Your Inner Advisor After focusing on your problem, you will want to set aside a few minutes for mindful meditation. A very powerful way to do this is to [consult your inner advisor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blr0emiH5G0). Simply bring your problem to your inner guide and be open to whatever wisdom that may be offered. To help make this activity easier, a video has been embedded below. ## 4. Start a Journal Dream imagery often comes to us in fragments. When unlocking what their meaning, you will be looking for symbols and themes. An example of this can be found in this post about [the meaning of rats in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/). By keeping a journal, you will be able to assess any present patterns, particularly if they are reoccurring. The journal acts as a bridge to your dreamworld and keeps the imagery at the top of the pre-conscious mind. ## 6. Tap Into Spiritual Guidance At its core, spiritual guidance is a way of connecting with a higher power. Firmly rooted in eastern and western religious beliefs, spiritual guidance can be thought of as meditation or prayer. Using this step can yield powerful results. It is critical to keep in mind that wisdom, whatever the source, comes to us while we are awake and while we are asleep. [Read this post to learn more about spiritual guidance](https://guycounseling.com/spiritual-guidance/). ## 6. Be Patient Receiving the answer to your problem doesn’t happen according to a schedule. Some people go to bed and immediately wake up with a “knowing” about how to proceed. Others, however, find that getting to the answer takes time. Don’t get frustrated. As you become more skilled at dreamwork, the responses will come quicker. ## 7. Trust It Will Happen The final step in using your dreams to get answers to your problems is simply trusting in the process. This is easier said than done. Some people find that repeating an affirmation, like – *The answer will soon be revealed* – to be helpful. Is this a form of auto-suggestion? Perhaps. Or maybe it is a way of projecting your intention outward and being open to whatever wisdom is returned. ## Wrap Up Some of the most creative people on the planet use dreams to tap into creativity, logic, and problem-solving. When we focus too much on an issue in our waking states, it can cause us to feel paralyzed and gripped with indecision. But when we trust in ourselves and our ability to lean into the subconscious, new beginnings are possible. What are your dreams trying to tell you? Have you tried to make meaning out of what they mean? Read more about [what dreams mean here](https://guycounseling.com/tag/dreams/). **References:** Moss, R. (2009). *The secret history of dreaming.* Novato, CA: New World Library . Schredl, M., & Erlacher, D. (2007). Self-Reported Effects of Dreams on Waking-Life Creativity: An Empirical Study. *The Journal of Psychology*, 35-46. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Dream Analysis, Dreaming, Dreams --- ### [Here's Why You Want To Be a Playful Man](https://guycounseling.com/playful-man-benefits/) **Published:** December 30, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![playful men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/playful-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Are you a playful man? When was the last time you went outside for play time? It might sound odd to even think about grown-up men playing, but researchers have found that adult play is beneficial to your mental and physical health. Well, that seems legit. Men can sometimes fall into the monotony of constantly working, constantly sitting, or scrolling in an endless pursuit of ambition. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of survival. You’ve got to work to live and vice versa. Who has time to play? Work and other commitments leave very little time for it. Even when men do play, it’s more socially acceptable to just plugin to the latest video game and zone out. It’s also easier to just sit and watch a show on Netflix to simply cure your boredom. However, men need to just get out and play. Playfulness refreshes your creativity, improves your mood, prevents burnout, and helps to keep your body in peak condition. Playing with others improves your relationships and builds confidence. Kids at school get playtime. It’s part of their everyday routine, but for some reason, society has abandoned the notion of playtime for adults. ## Why Do Children Play and Adults Don’t? There’s a reason that you stop playing when you grow up and that’s because you learned how to efficiently move already. You know the ropes of being a human being. In other words, you figured it all out. Playtime is really a learning experience for children. It teaches children fundamental concepts such as distance, danger, bodily mechanics, leading, following, and other indispensable nuggets of information about what life’s all about. Adults are supposed to know these things, but scientists are finding that regular playtime for adults continues to be beneficial in other ways. Most of the research is comparative in nature and studies the effects of social play for adult animals of other species. However, there are a few studies that focus solely on human adult play. ## Challenges to Understanding Adult Playfulness One key challenge in understanding the difference between child and adult play is recognizing what adult play is even supposed to look like. For children, it’s relatively easy. A game of chase or tag, a wooden puzzle or stacking blocks, all of these things are well-marketed and easily recognized as games. Yet, for adults, play can take a number of different forms. Some might find that playing pranks is playful while others do not. The lessons learned from playing a game of tag as a child become different when you play tag as an adult. Then, there’s adult sexual play which can’t be evaluated in the same category as regular playful activities. Don’t get me wrong, sexual play is awesome. But you can just have some good ol’ fashioned fun and that has tremendous value for adult men, too. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3o7qE3fnZAWQUXyXqE/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## How Playfulness Changed my Life Habits are powerful and if you cultivate a habit of play then you can feel more satisfied with your life. Playfulness can become a part of you and improve your mood. I’ve found this to be true in my own life. Just before I turned 30, I began taking circus tumbling classes at my local gym. Before that, I was struggling with a failed career in the film industry and the loss of wealth that came with it. I was an emotional wreck who chose to cope by self-isolating and taking copious amounts of drugs just to get out of bed. A friend of mine suggested that I join him for class at the local gym where you could try out circus tumbling and acrobatics. It sounded crazy, but I was at the end of my rope. It was a way for me deal with depression and I was willing to try something new. The class was fun. We would sometimes just roll around on the floor or bounce on trampolines. It was silly and challenging all at the same time. It turned out that I was pretty good at tumbling and when I managed to successfully complete physical skills it gave me a tremendous boost to my confidence. In a few months I was ready to try other things like parkour and martial arts. Over a period of time, I noticed improvements to my physical health and my overall mood. I had more energy, more confidence, and felt more content with life. As a bonus, my love life got way better, too. Was it simply a matter of exercising more regularly or was it something about the way I expressed myself through play? Well, researchers have recently found evidence to support the idea that a sense of playfulness can be cultivated. ## Playfulness is a Learned Trait Researchers at Martin-Luther-Universität Halle-Wittenberg recently conducted experiments in playfulness. They collaborated with partners from the University of Zurich in Switzerland and Pennsylvania State University. The research team gathered 533 participants and asked them to complete daily exercises over a one-week period. The experiment went on for 12 weeks and the exercises were specifically designed to boost their sense of playfulness. The study was funded by the Swiss National Science Foundation and [their findings](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/08/200827102155.htm) were published in the *Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being* journal in August 2020. “Our assumption was that the exercises would lead people to consciously focus their attention on playfulness and use it more often. This could result in positive emotions, which in turn would affect the person’s well-being,” says Brauer, a researcher at MLU. The research experiment was a huge success and participants used the exercises to acquire new playful traits. “Particularly playful people have a hard time dealing with boredom. They manage to turn almost any everyday situation into an entertaining or personally engaging experience,” explains Professor René Proyer, a psychologist at MLU. It’s unclear exactly what the exercises were, but we’ve come up with some of our own ways to increase your sense of playfulness. You can try these on your own or with friends and family. The important thing is to just have fun with it. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l4Hohe7yu6T9sOH28/source.gif?resize=658%2C370&ssl=1) ## How to Boost Your Playfulness - Play Frisbee - Play with Lego blocks - Take a [parkour](https://guycounseling.com/military-bootcamp-parkour/) or free-running class - Play with animals or pets - Play with children - Sing and/or dance - Do a physical challenge - Visit a theme park ## The Takeaway Men who are playful have more emotional and mental flexibility. They can adopt new perspectives, manages stress levels, improve the mood of others around them and make ordinary tasks much more interesting. A sense of playfulness could be a challenge for some men, especially because societal norms compel us to be serious and competitive all the time. Life is hard enough as it is. So, why not dull the edge a bit by smiling, laughing, and enjoying your experiences. A sense of playfulness can be therapeutic. It certainly was for me. When you have a good sense of humor and genuinely carry an air of fun-loving confidence, then lots of things fall into place for you. Most notably, you’ll feel less stressed and you’ll become a magnet for other people because guess what – other people want those traits, too. So, what are you waiting for? Do something silly already. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Mental Health, Playful, Playfulness, Relationships --- ### [10 Ways Highly Successful People Handle Stress](https://guycounseling.com/stress-management-success/) **Published:** December 26, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![stressed out man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/stressed-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Coping With Stress Have you ever wondered how highly successful people are able to remain calm during periods of high **stress**? Are you curious about why some individuals seem to have a “chip” that allows them to keep cool during times of crisis? Is there a part of you that wishes you could borrow their gadgetry for insertion into your own life? Well, maybe you can – at least in theory.  I have been doing some [research](http://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.1.102803.143948) on the topic of how highly successful people handle stress during this past year and have made some amazing discoveries. I would like to share those with you here. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## **1. They don’t “awfulize”** Awfulizing is a 25-cent term from the world of cognitive behavioral therapy. To awfulize is to immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion about a given situation. Successful people do not engage in this kind of thinking. Instead, they logically examine the situation they are in and explore possibilities. They consciously decide *how* they will respond and weight options.  “What if I responded this way” is a key question these individuals reflect upon. What if you started to change how you thought about a problem and focused on all possible options and not *just* the worst one? ## **2. They take deep breaths** Highly successful people have learned that one of the most effective ways to remain calm occurs through active breathing. This means they are aware of the physical process of inhaling and exhaling and do so with intent. Successful people know breathing deeply helps to regulate the flight or fight response and offers physiological and psychological benefits. What would it be like the next time you are working through intense stress to stop a moment and take 10 deep breaths, focusing on each inhale and exhale? What if you visualized stress leaving your body as you breathed out? ## **3. They engage in mindfulness** People who are highly successful live in the here and now. They do not dwell on mistakes made in the past. They also don’t worry about the future. Instead, they [mindfully remain present](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-intimacy-couples-815/) in the moment and strategize about making dreams come true for tomorrow. Mindfulness allows successful people to not hold on to past hurts or worrisome thoughts about what might come. Finally under this point, they have learned that laughter is important and that living in the moment often contains many elements of humor. What if you tried living in the here and now and created realistic strategies for reaching your life goals?  What if you found something humorous – just one thing – that happened during your day? ## **4. They focus on what’s going right** Remaining calm during periods of stress is no easy task. One way highly successful people are able to do this is by focusing on real positives. This means not making self-defeating statements like, “Nothing is going right” or “I’m screwed!” Instead, successful people have found that it helps to focus on what’s going right. An example might be a person who makes a mistake and is able to say, “I got this part of the problem wrong but I got this aspect right!” What if the next time you encountered a difficult challenge you identified what was going right? What if you used strength based approach create positive change? ![mindfulness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio-and-cancer-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Mindfulness Based Living ## **5. They set boundaries** One of the most difficult things most all of us face is setting healthy boundaries around work and other responsibility areas. Making matters worse is the reality of our 24/7, non-stop electronic world. Successful people have learned that in order for them to handle high periods of stress, they need to limit exposure to low levels of stress. This means they have set boundaries around *how* available they will be to others. They have discovered that by blocking off periods of time to disconnect, they are better able to regulate their mood and respond calmly should the need arise. What would it be like if you set boundaries around how much time you made yourself available to others? What if you made the conscious choice to turn off that smart-phone or power down that tablet during certain times of your day? ## **6. They are mindful about diet** This one is absolutely easier said than done however, you do not have to engage in all or nothing thinking to be mindful about diet. Successful people have learned that by making small adjustments to their eating, focusing on high protein foods, they are able to remain calm for longer periods of time. This also means they are aware of how much sugar they take in and how much caffeine they ingest. Engaging in regular physical activity is combined with diet mindfulness for maximum results. What would it be like if you were to create small changes around your diet each day, replacing high fat foods with low carb, high protein meals? What if you replaced just 1 cup of coffee a day with a glass of water? ## **7. They make sleep a priority** Scientists have long known about the direct relationship sleep has on working through stress. For folks who are highly successful, there exists a strong recognition that meaningful and restorative sleep is an essential element to wellness. In short, they have learned that in order to not remain in a place of suspended anxiety, regular sleep needs to be part of their reality. These folks have come to know their [circadian rhythm](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0304394094908419) and pay attention when their bodies tell them to rest. What would it be like to be more mindful of your circadian rhythm? What if you decided not to watch just “one more show” tonight and instead, opt for shut-eye? ## **8. They engage in gratitude** People who are deemed highly successful are able to focus on what they have as opposed to what they do not. They recognize that focusing on the positive helps to [minimize the negative](https://remedygrove.com/wellness/10-Ways-to-Cleanse-Yourself-of-Negative-Energy-Right-Now) and empowers calmness. Gratitude also allows these individuals to appreciate the good times better when facing adversity. What would it be like if you identified one or two things to be grateful for each day? What if you wrote a few of these down and then added to that list during the week? ## **9. The do not partake in learned helplessness** This is a term that is bandied about often – but what does it really mean? [Learned helplessness](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0165178114004612) basically means that you believe you cannot change your situation because it is totally beyond your power. People who are highly successful find this kind of thinking anathemas to their very being. The words, “I can’t” just aren’t part of their vernacular. What if you made a choice right now that you *can* create change in your situation and believe (meaning truly believe) that you have the power to live the life that you want? What if you listed out 3-5 steps right now to get the ball rolling? ## **10. They lean into their circle of support** Folks who have reached a place of success in life recognize their status was not achieved through singular acts. In other words, these individuals have learned that a rising tide lifts all boats and that part of moving upward means experiencing stress. Highly successful people lean into their [circle of support](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-depression-want-you-know/) when the going gets tough *and* they have made themselves available to others for the same purpose. Finally, they recognize that having a silent witness along the away allows them to be vulnerable, which connects them to their greater humanity. What would it be like to not feel like you have to carry all of that stress on your own? What if you leaned into your circle of support and shared some of what you are feeling? How might making yourself available to others help you better manage stress? ## **Summing Things Up** Highly successful really don’t have a “chip”. Instead, they have learned to better manage their approach to different problems and place a premium on self-care. I am including a book below for more tips on reducing stress in your life entitled: Thinking for a Change: 11 Ways Highly Successful People Approach Life and Work by John Maxwell ([See Amazon for price](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446692883/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0446692883&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=OF7FHS2BZQDSZ4H2)). Inside you will find page after page of helpful information and tips on how to better approach various areas of stress and create positive change. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Mood, stress, Success --- ### [10 Things Depression Doesn’t Want You To Know!](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-depression-want-you-know/) **Published:** December 25, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-Man-and-dating.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Can you repel depression? ## Depression Hates It When You Do These Things Hello, my name is [depression](https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression). You know me by many different names, including dysthymic disorder, bipolar disorder, major depression and so forth. I am an insidious in nature, sneaking up on you when you least expect it. If left unchecked, I grow in power and have the ability to you to your knees. I can lie to you, twist your thoughts and make you disconnect from everyone you care about. When I am super strong, I can even make you take your life. What you may not know however, is that I am vulnerable to 10 specific things that weaken my intensity. If you engage in just one of these things individually, you chip away at my power. When you combine several of these however, I begin to quickly lose my grip and become smaller. I shouldn’t be telling you this information – but I am going to do it anyway. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## Depression List of Ten ![number 10](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1)10 Things Depression Hates! ## 1. Circle of support When you call upon your circle of support, like friends and family members, I start to cower. Reaching out to others means you are not isolating. This in turn makes my presence weaker. Wow do I despise when you pick up your phone and share what’s going on with loved ones. ## 2. Talk Therapy When you visit your therapist to engage in talk-therapy and particularly cognitive behavioral therapy to address your sadness, I start to lose my reign of terror. That you are bravely working through your feelings is one of the things I fear most. ## 3. Physical Activity When you embark on an exercise program like strength training or involve yourself with other forms of physical activity, you prevent me from taking ahold of your body and mind. One of the things that repels me from you is your commitment to self-care, particularly during stressful times. ## 4. Mindfulness Because you engage in [mindfulness based living](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/), I don’t have the ability to sneak into your mind and make you ruminate about the past. Mindfulness robs me of my most powerful weapons; guilt, shame and fear! ## 5. Acceptance When you embrace the various parts of your life, including my presence, you paradoxically make me smaller. That which you fear controls you *but* that which you confront, you begin to control. I can’t tell you how much it upsets me when you do this! ## 6. Happiness When you make the conscious choice to have a happy day, you seriously mess with my plans to wreak havoc upon you. Simply put, when you decide to choose *how* your day will be, I start to melt away like snow in the sun. ## 7. Laughter Oh how I despise it when you laugh! Any time you seek out forms of humor therapy or engage in things that are fun, I start to shake in my boots! Watching a funny movie or making light of something serious really gets under my skin. ## 8. Healthy Diet I love it when you stress eat and gobble down food that causes my powers to grow! On the flipside, I absolutely hate it when you choose to eat healthy meals that cause me to lose my grip.  Making the conscious choice to care about what you put into your body sends me running for the hills! ## 9. Medication When you consult with your doctor and decide to use anti-depressant medications, I get really freaked out. I don’t like it when you become educated on the different types of anti-depressant medications and I cannot stand it when you ask your physician questions about potential side effects. This means you are actively doing things to drive me out of your life. ## 10. Patterns of time When you recognize that I often visit you on a seasonal basis, particularly during wintertime, you start becoming empowered with knowledge. I particularly despise it when you recognize that I am a temporary presence in your life. Oh, how I hate it when you say to yourself: *this too will pass*. Your ability to rationally look at who I am, and my patterns really causes me to shrink. ## Final Thoughts There are lots of other things that you can do to repel me away, but I have said far too much already. What you choose to do with this information is up to you. I’m always here – lurking in the darkness and just waiting to grow. — If you are depressed and think you might hurt yourself or someone you know, please call 911 immediately or go to your local emergency room. You can also talk to someone by calling the [Suicide Prevention Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/) 24/7 at: 1-800-273-8255 **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mood, Sadness --- ### [Rhofade Review – Does it Work For Rosacea?](https://guycounseling.com/rhofade-review-1224/) **Published:** December 24, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![rhofade review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/rhofade-reflective-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Does Rhofade work? ## Review of Rhofade Are you wondering if Rhofade Cream for Rosacea really works? Does it help fade redness, smooth bumps and close pores? Is the product worth the money? If you are wondering the answer to these questions, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I’ve been using Rhofade now for several months and feel well qualified to share a review. In this post, I will discuss my experiences with Rhofade and the circumstances that led to my buying the cream. Before we dive in, I need to state a few things. First, I am not being paid a penny by the makers of Rhofade (Allergan) or any of its affiliates. Not one dime. Second, you should know that to obtain this product, you must get a prescription from your doctor. It’s not the type of drug you can buy over the counter or obtain on the fly. Finally – and perhaps most importantly – Rhofade is expensive. I mean **really expensive**. I’ll address this point later in the post, but I’m bracing you know for the harsh reality. OK – let’s jump right in. ![Reflective man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-ocean.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Rosacea has been a life long problem for me ## My Rosacea For most of my adult life, I have struggled with [Rosacea](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rosacea/symptoms-causes/syc-20353815). Starting in my early twenties, I began getting these angry flare-ups of redness, which primarily showed up around my eyes, cheeks and neck. Sometimes, these eruptions would hang around for a few days. Other times, the ugliness lasted for weeks. Desperate for relief, I tried all sorts of remedies. I’m talking about products like Eucerin Redness Relief cream to cold compresses. None of them worked – well, at least not for very long. During one particularly nasty flare-up, my doctor prescribed [Metrogel](https://www.rxlist.com/metrogel-drug.htm#indications); a topical anti-biotic designed to reduce swelling and minimize legions. To keep it real, the gel did help (minimally) with quieting the redness and reducing the puffiness. The gel also helped to reduce the bumpy pustules that occasionally erupted. **But the redness was still there**. Fast Forward to the present – – This past summer, I had an extremely rough go of it. I don’t know if it was because of my allergies or the sun or a combination of both, but my rosacea got really bad. Like REALLY BAD. To help get a handle on things, I made an appointment with my dermatologist. After inspecting my face, he wrote out a prescription for an anti-biotic and a drug I had never heard of called [Rhofade](https://www.rhofade.com/). So that you know, Rhofade is a cream that is applied to the face and designed to shrink (fade) the red lines and angry blotchiness. ## Getting Rhofade Upon giving me the prescription, my doctor told me the drug was expensive and suggested that I visit the manufacturer’s website for a discount coupon. You may be wondering how much money we are talking about? Try north of $550.00. Yep, you read that right – it wasn’t a typo. We’re talking a ridiculous amount of cash. Because my insurance would not cover the cream, the coupon reduced the price to $50.00 so long as I obtained a “physicians’ authorization” (which I did). That’s not bad when you think about it. But I have to level with you. Getting that authorization wasn’t easy and not all doctors are willing to do the paperwork to make it happen. Anyway … I picked up the cream from my pharmacy that very same day and decided I would use it the following morning. And so that’s what I did. The next morning I showered up, did the [whole bodywash thing](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/), dried off and moisturized. Afterward, I took a pea-size amount of Rhofade and applied it to my face. Not everywhere. Just on the red areas around my cheeks, eyes and neck. The cream itself went on a bit greasy, which surprised me. But I didn’t make a fuss over it and just allowed time for absorption. My dermatologist told me it might take up to an hour for the full effects to “kick in”. Hoping for something positive, I left the bathroom and killed some time on my computer for 45-minutes. ![man bathroom mirror](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-washing-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Amazing results ## Miraculous Results Upon returning to the bathroom, I immediately looked into the mirror. All I can tell you is that I was shocked. The redness was **almost all gone**. What was visible was super hard to see. At that moment, I can remember thinking Mr. Roark from Fantasy Island had given me some type of magic potion. It was crazy. For the first time in YEARS, my face had an even tone and looked calm. Moreover, the pores seemed to have miraculously closed up. But wait – there is more. As the morning continued and the hours passed by, my complexion continued to improve. **Big time**. In fact, there was so much of an improvement that my brother and two clients both mentioned it over video chats. Mind you, I didn’t tell them I was using Rhofade. They could see *something* was different about my face. I realize what I am sharing here sounds over the top and dramatic. If I were a reader, I would be skeptical too. But I am telling you straight out that this cream transformed my face in a way that can only be described as extraordinary. ## Lasted 8 Hours So, you may be wondering how long all of this lasted? Well, the manufacturer suggests up to 12-hours. In my case, it was more like 8-hours. Was I upset about this? Not really. I’ll take 8 hours of a calm complexion any day instead of what was going on before. As I continued to use Rhofade, I discovered that I could time things in such a way that maximized its effectiveness. Speaking only for myself, this means applying the cream an hour before meeting with people and realizing after 8-hours, the benefits diminish. Sadly, once the cream wears off, the redness returns. I think part of this is due to the chemical makeup of Rhofade; a cream that uses a topical decongestant \[Oxymetazoline\] that you’ll find in Afrin. Yep, you read that right – Afrin. ## Would I Buy Rhofade Again? So, you may be wondering if I will repurchase this product again, even if it were not discounted? The honest answer is **yes**, I would – without hesitation. If you suffer from Rosacea, you already know how much this condition sucks. Not only are the blotches embarrassing, but they can also cause people to get the wrong impression. Examples include folks thinking you have a drinking problem or assuming you are perpetually angry. With Rhofade, this issue has gone away. I’m not going to sit here and tell you this cream is a cure for Rosacea (I wish it were!). Instead, it is best to think of it as a product that helps to mask symptoms. I realize there are reviews online that suggest Rhofade isn’t all that great. I also recognize some folks have had less than stellar experiences.  Please don’t take what I have written here as the end all be all. The truth is everyone responds differently to medications. That’s why it is important for you to do your homework. All I know is that Rhofade has worked miracles for me. In the end, I will probably talk to my doctor about laser treatments as a more permanent solution. But for now, I am sticking with this cream. Should your doctor prescribe Rhofade, keep in mind that it may take time to start working. **Have you used Rhofade? If so, what was your experience? Are you still using this cream?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** Facial Products, Redness, Rhofade, Rosacea --- ### [5 Smart Mental Health Reasons To Manscape](https://guycounseling.com/manscape-mental-health/) **Published:** December 16, 2020 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![manscape mental health](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/manscape-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Here’s Why You Should Manscape Do you manscape? Have you adopted the sacred art of taking care of your junk? If not it might be time to reconsider. Manscaping is insanely popular, and for good reason. It helps a lot of guys discover better versions of themselves. It can improve many aspects of your life, and for many, it is a practice and pursuit that aids in sustainable personal growth. How can you get so much from shaving your balls? Well, the secret lies in understanding what manscaping is really all about, as well as what it is really doing for you. ## **What Is Manscaping?** Most guys think that manscaping is the practice of shaving pubic hair. This isn’t entirely wrong, but it’s not entirely right either. In general, manscaping is the practice of modern male hygiene. It can include genital grooming. It can include [shaving your butt](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/). It can include using ball deodorant. It can even include using acne cream on your back. If it’s something you do to look and feel better, especially below the waist, then it counts as manscaping. It’s a vast topic, and because of that, it has more to offer than most guys realize. ## **How Common Is Manscaping?** Manscaping is immensely popular. For instance, [68% of men](https://www.manscaped.com/blogs/grooming/how-to-shave-armpits-21-of-men-dont-know-how) participate in grooming their armpits. For some, it’s just knowing [how to shave your pubes](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/). For others, it involves fully embracing the entire lifestyle, and that’s the best thing about manscaping. You can choose how you do it and what it means to you. There are no hard rules you have to follow. It’s just about being your best self. When done right, manscaping is good for your skin, body hair and general hygiene. What you probably don’t realize is that it can be amazing for your mental health too. Manscaping does as much for the head on top of your shoulders as the one between your legs, and it’s important to understand that. These are just five of the most common ways manscaping can help your psychology. ![Why you should manscape](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=519%2C329&ssl=1) ## **1. It Will Boost Your Confidence and Social Life** The primary motivation for guys who manscape is to help their social life. More specifically, they usually do it for their romantic life, and we’ll harp on that more in a minute. The simple fact is that manscaping is taking control over part of your life. You know that you’re cleaner downstairs. You know you’ve done what you can to be more attractive. That comes with a bounce in your step and a sense of confidence that can’t be faked. The improved confidence makes you feel better about everything, and it will often foster more success, which then feeds back into your sense of confidence. On top of that, manscaping makes you physically feel better. Less itchiness and tugging of pubic hair means there are fewer subtle things eating away at the back of your mind. It all fuels confidence, and it’s a healthy confidence that can help you immensely with your mental health. ## **2. You will Be More Hygienic** Anyone who has ever struggled with depression can tell you about this. When your mental health is in the dumps, it can make hygiene hard. Worse, bad hygiene feeds into negative mental states. When you feel unclean, it can foster other negative thoughts and fuel the dark cycle. Sometimes, overcoming that struggle and taking a shower or brushing your teeth can be a huge win, and feeling clean can start a snowball of positivity. Manscaping will absolutely make you *feel* cleaner. It [can impact your hygiene](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/mental-illness-can-impact-hygiene), and whether or not you’re struggling, that can be the positive snowball that gets things rolling. ## **3. Your Love Life Will Be Better** There are a few ways manscaping is good for your love life. For starters, nobody likes a face full of bush, right? Trimming the hedges makes you more appealing at the most basic level. On top of that, manscaping makes you look bigger, cleaner, and more attractive. All of these things help you with your love life, and there are few things in the world that can do as much for your mental health as a positive and successful love life. You get regular releases of all of those important hormones. You get positive feedback from a healthy lover. You get to fire on all cylinders and live more [holistically](https://guycounseling.com/holistic-health-guide/). ## **4. You Will Feel More Comfortable** We briefly touched on this, but it merits a deeper discussion. How many times have your unkempt pubic hairs pulled on you? It’s not a debilitating pain, but it’s unpleasant, and every time it happens, it darkens your mood just a little. Most guys don’t realize how good manscaping feels until they try it, and this is one of the main reasons. You’ll also find that your junk doesn’t get nearly as hot. You don’t get as sweaty. You don’t feel as gross. When you extend your manscaping beyond just trimming hair, you’ll have less friction downstairs and your sack won’t stick to your leg as often. In every way, manscaping improves comfort, and this is the real heart of how manscaping helps in these other ways. Comfort breeds confidence. Confidence is sexy. You see how this all feeds back into itself. ## **5. You Will Be More Attractive** We already mentioned confidence, so we’ll gloss over it for now. Manscaping makes you look better downstairs. You will be visibly more attractive, but there’s a catch. For the most part, you’ll only be more attractive when your pants are off, and our society still has pretty firm rules about that. Here’s the hidden secret. Manscaping makes you smell better and smelling more attractive is often worth more than looking attractive. Most importantly, you’ll smell better even when your pants are on. These five reasons are certainly helpful, but they are nowhere near the full story. Manscaping is a way of life, and as you learn more about it, you’ll continue to discover that it has even more to offer you. Consider yourself fully encouraged to embrace and explore all that manscaping can be. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Grooming, Manscape, Shave --- ### [Holistic Health: A Guide to Complete Wellness](https://guycounseling.com/holistic-health-guide/) **Published:** December 23, 2019 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![holistic health buddha](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/holistic-health-buddha.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What is holistic health? ## Holistic Health – A Closer Look Over the past century, medical professionals and ordinary people alike have been realizing that health isn’t just about surgery, medication, and treating symptoms. The role of mind and spirit in keeping your body healthy has been examined and publicized more than ever before. Even staunchly traditional medical doctors sometimes recommend massage, aromatherapy, and chiropractic services. All of these fall under the realm of [holistic health](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9566.ep11348024). If you want to stay healthy and on top of every aspect of your holistic health, you need to be familiar with the different types of professionals you can consult. Here are some of the different approaches to holistic health. **1. Acupuncture & Acupressure** Much physical injury and illness can be put down to poor energy flow, according to these professionals. Acupuncture uses needles so thin you can scarcely feel them, while acupressure uses steady pressure. Each therapy method targets pressure points from the fourteen meridians used in traditional Chinese medicine. They have been proven effective in cases like those of chemotherapy patients suffering nausea, or less severe ailments like headaches or anxiety. **2. Aromatherapy** Have you walked into a room and instantly felt relaxed by the smell, whether or not you could identify it? Aromatherapy uses a similar technique of targeting your ailments, ranging from fungal infections to low energy, with specific smells. Essential oils include scents like rosemary, lavender, and peppermint, and an aromatherapy professional can help you treat your specific condition with a combination of scents. **3. Biofeedback** Your vital signs and systems are always functioning, whether or not you’re aware of them, and they affect your mood, energy, and health. Biofeedback lets you control both your body and mind by becoming aware of your body processes and nervous system. There are treatments available for even severe conditions like spinal cord rehabilitation. Professionals can help you learn how to perform certain techniques on your own. Recently, the FDA cleared a home device that is similar to Biofeedback lowering blood pressure and reducing stress. [See Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/2ZkVa4U). Please note it is not a blood pressure monitor. **4. Chiropractic Therapy** One of the most conventionally accepted holistic health treatments is chiropractic medicine. This type of therapy revolves around the practitioner manipulating your limbs, bones, and muscles to realign them. People most often seek out chiropractic services because of back pain, but they can help with other physical and mental ailments. ![holistic health explained](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/PHYT-GYM-san-juan-review.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Holistic health guide **5. EFT/EMDR** These mental and emotional techniques help you escape self-limiting beliefs, [PTSD](https://guycounseling.com/trauma-disorders-ptsd-men-shame/), depression, anxiety, and so on. A professional guides you through speaking about your current or past experiences, and helps you focus on positive feelings of security and safety. You will be gradually desensitized to situations or feelings that used to trigger negative feelings, and you may even learn how to perform certain EFT techniques at home. [EMDR employs bilateral stimulation](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-study-therapy/). EFT involves tapping. **6. Hypnosis** Despite all the jokes and stage acts involving hypnosis, it’s a real and very powerful technique of accessing your inner consciousness. Hypnosis allows you to rest your conscious mind and tap into your inner thoughts. You may retrieve thoughts, memories, feelings, or other stored events, influence behavior patterns, or learn how to overcome self-limitations through hypnosis with a qualified professional. Read this article to learn how [clinical hypnotherapy for anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) can be helpful. **7. Massage Therapy** Even insurance companies have seen the benefits of massage therapy and frequently pay for sessions with licensed therapists. Many types of massage therapy and bodywork exist for various purposes. Some therapists focus on soft tissue healing, deep tissue massage, trigger points, or other schools, while others use a combination of methods to address each individual patient’s needs. You can release not just physical tension, but emotional and spiritual burdens with a skilled massage therapist. **8. Meditation** Meditation has been used for thousands of years in various religious traditions. There are many types of meditation, some of which are designed for use in specific religious or spiritual traditions. Mindfulness meditation in particular has been identified as a useful secular practice for patients undergoing treatment for mental and physical ailments. A meditation instructor can teach you how to get the maximum benefit from your meditation sessions, and how to do it yourself at home. **9. Spiritual Coaching** A spiritual holistic practitioner (sometimes referred to as a spiritual coach) can be as helpful to your health as any other type of professional. The right coach can help you identify life patterns, goals, and upcoming challenges. You can gain much insight from your Akashic records, spiritual guides, or Shaman – depending on what your professional specializes in. Through techniques like reading your palm, tea leaves, aura, or surroundings, psychics can help you figure out where you have been, where you’re going, and how to achieve success. Consider this a pathway to [receiving spiritual guidance](https://guycounseling.com/spiritual-guidance/). **10. Reflexology** The feet have a variety of pressure points that are linked to other spots on the entire body. If you’ve ever wondered why having a particular spot on your feet tickled makes your shoulders tense or relax, for example, this is a reaction to the link between that spot and your shoulders. A reflexologist applies gentle pressure to various areas on your feet to help treat hormonal, emotional, and stress-based imbalances. Even conditions like arthritis can benefit from a skilled reflexologist’s help. **Bonus** **Reiki** The spiritual healing potential of Reiki is not yet recognized widely, but if you have ever realized that you have a spiritual, emotional, or energetic block that is interfering with your health, Reiki can be an effective way of clearing these blocks. Your spiritual vibrations and energies can be aligned in ways you don’t even sense, though many people notice the effects and can even cry or feel overwhelmed when experiencing Reiki for the first time. No matter what condition you’re treating, Reiki can be an effective complementary and holistic treatment. ## Wrap Up There are dozens of types of holistic professionals not listed in this brief guide, but these are some of the most common. As the West becomes more aware of the link between mind and body, holistic and “alternative” therapies are becoming more common. The focus on holistic health can sometimes forget the spiritual or mental side and focus on new physical therapy solutions. While you seek out conventional treatment, make sure you don’t ignore the rest of your body. To find a professional in your area, visit the [Alternatives For Healing](https://www.alternativesforhealing.com/) website to find a professional near you. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Holistic Health, Hypnotherapy, Spirituality, wellness --- ### [Can EMDR Help With More Than Just PTSD?](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-study-therapy/) **Published:** December 12, 2020 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![emdr eye](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/emdr-eye-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New Study Suggests EMDR May Have Multiple Uses Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is probably best known for its use in treating various kinds of traumas, such as PTSD. But can EMDR help people with other life challenges, such as anxiety, sexual dysfunction and addictions? According to a paper recently published on [psyarxiv.com](https://psyarxiv.com/jyp4e/), the answer appears to be yes. “The findings are promising because they help to illuminate a wider application of EMDR beyond traumatic emotional injuries,” said licensed psychotherapist [Lincoln Giesel](https://www.caredash.com/doctors/lincoln-giesel-chicago-il), a counselor in Chicago who works with mood disorders. “Having different treatment approaches that are grounded in science is always a good thing,” he added. Belgium-based human behavior researchers Charles Scelles and Luis Bulnes were curious about the effectiveness of EMDR on a variety of conditions. To get to the answers, they scoured scientific journals for studies published up to 2020 that contained findings in the use of EMDR for non-trauma related issues, such as PTSD. What they found was remarkable. Ninety articles revealed that EMDR had a positive effect on conditions such as: - Addictions - Somatoform disorders - Sexual dysfunction - Eating disorders - Mood disorders - Severe stress - Anxiety disorders - Performance anxiety - Pain - OCD Additionally, their findings pointed to the possible benefits of using EMDR for certain kinds of dementia. The authors shared the following in their paper, “Our review suggests that it is a safe and economical therapeutic option, and its effect in non-pathological situations opens new avenues for translational research.” Scelles and Bulnes go on to state more studies are needed. ![EMDR eye bulateral stimulation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/green-eyes-factual-information.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)EMDR in psychotherapy ## Background of EMDR Introduced to the world of psychotherapy in the late 1980s by Francine Shapiro, EMDR was initially used to treat certain kinds of traumas, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Over the years, the application of EMDR has expanded. It is now used by many clinicians as an adjunct to talk-therapy to treat a variety of conditions, including phobias and chronic pain. Incorporating bilateral stimulation, EMDR is thought to awaken unprocessed information in the brain’s memory networks. In turn, these unprocessed fragments can be cleared as emotional roadblocks, thereby helping a person get unstuck. In turn, this allows them to move to a place of change. I spoke to Dr. John Moore, a mental health counselor and editor of this website, about the use of EMDR in psychotherapy. Here’s what he told me: “It’s probably a good idea to think of EMDR as a tool that can be used by helping professionals as part of a comprehensive approach to psychotherapy. This is why integrating modalities, such as cognitive behavior therapy with EMDR, may produce the best outcomes. The findings in the paper published on [psyarxiv.com](https://psyarxiv.com/jyp4e/) seem to suggest this,” Moore said. **Have you tried EMDR? If so, what was your experience? Did you find the experience helpful? Share your comments below.** — References: Scelles, C., & Bulnes, L. (2020, October 9). EMDR as therapy for conditions other than PTSD: a systematic review. <https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/jyp4e> Moore, J. (2020). [EMDR Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapist-chicago-lakeview/). **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Addiction, Anxiety, EMDR, research, Trauma --- ### [10 Ways to Worry Less and Cut Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/worry-less-anxious-hacks/) **Published:** November 29, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![worry stress](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/worry-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Reduce anxiety and stress ## Good Strategies to Worry Less Worries aren’t only disheartening; they are also bad for you. Studies show stress drains immunity and rewires your brain for more anxiety. These 10 tips will help you reduce worries and increase your well-being. ## **1. Raise happy hormones** You are built to create happy hormones. Factors like stress, though, diminish your supply. Top-up these natural joy-boosters with a daily workout, hugs, and sunshine. If you miss your regular embrace, cuddle a pet or massage your hands or feet to increase oxytocin. Eat tryptophan-rich foods too. However, remember this joy-enhancing amino acid converts to serotonin only when it crosses the blood-brain barrier, and healthy carbohydrates like brown rice or beans will assist the process. Also, avoid substances that shrink serotonin like too much caffeine. ## **2. Be positive** Your happiness will grow if you are positive. To an extent, how your mind works depends on how it has before. Are you often negative? Then you’re conditioned to create downbeat thoughts, but you can retrain your mind to worry less. At first, you will need to force positive thinking, but this is okay. Even though it seems false for a while, your mind will soon become upbeat without effort. ## **3. Stay in the moment** Why do you worry? Old events, or what might happen, no doubt, bother you most. Here in the moment, though, there’s little stress. Come into the present when you note worries rise and focus on the environment. Look at your surroundings and describe them to cut rumination. Concentrate on your actions too. Note how it feels to perform tasks and consider what you want to do as you tackle them. If you take a walk, focus on sensations and consider where you’re going and why. [This approach involves mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/coping-skills-anxiety/). ## **4. Reduce worry time to five minutes** Research shows a small amount of worry time helps. So, for five minutes a day, mull over concerns. Let-rip when your time slot arrives. The chances are, you can’t always worry on demand. Choose when to worry, though, and you won’t do so as much on other occasions. ## **5. Radical acceptance**  You won’t stop unwanted thoughts with willpower. They grow when you fight them, therefore practice acceptance. Without resistance in place, they may even leave. View your concerns like they don’t belong to you. Think of them as clouds in the wind. Clouds don’t bother you, and your thoughts need not worry you either. Just know they exist, but don’t engage with them and they will blow away. This approach to worry management is called [radical acceptance](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance). ## **6. Journal writing** Science suggests it’s therapeutic to write about your problems. Don’t focus on them but jot them down to ease stress. Put pen to paper or type concerns to create clarity and cut anxiety. ## **7. Switch on logic** Worries turn on fight or flight and put you in survival mode. Use the logical region of your brain, though, and your anxiety will fade. Carry out a cognitive task; count or do a crossword puzzle. Or join in a question-and-answer show on TV. ## **8. Meditate** Meditation calms the mind; it stops your inner voice so you can enjoy being still. Meditate once a day for about twenty minutes. You can’t go wrong because there are no set rules. Just pay attention to your breath as air enters and leaves your body and your worries may fade. Check out this anxiety reducing podcast on [autogenetic training as a tool for meditation](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-podcast-autogenic-training/). ## **9. Gain body awareness** Get physical to shift awareness to your body and away from troubles. Run, cycle, walk, play a team sport, or attend an exercise class. As long as you move, you won’t focus on concerns. Exercise also increases happy chemicals so you don’t linger on problems. ## **10. Don’t take your thoughts seriously** You wouldn’t entertain worries if you imagined your thoughts were unimportant. However, even when your concerns are small, you might emphasize them out of habit. To worry less, imagine they are background noise, not data to handle. So what if your inner voice rambles? It’s not as though it presents the truth; it stems from your changing perspective. Don’t let worries reduce your happiness. Rather, increase happy-hormone production and positivity. Also, stay in the present, cut worry time to short daily sessions, and practice radical acceptance. Write about concerns, get logical when they flow, and meditate to calm your mind too. Stuck in your head? Shift to your body. Further, don’t take your concerns to heart and you’ll worry less. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, fear, stress, Worry --- ### [What Can You Do if You Have OCD?](https://guycounseling.com/ocd-defined-options/) **Published:** November 24, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![OCD options](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-denim-jacket-jeans-tshirt.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Got OCD? ## A Closer Look at Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) You’ve probably heard someone say, “That’s just my OCD acting up.” The term OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and it’s a real mental health issue, not just a buzzword. People who suffer from OCD struggle with anxiety created from thoughts and behaviors that seemingly redefine that person’s reality. Symptoms can deal with obsessive thoughts and/or compulsive behaviors. A person with OCD might ruminate on the same details like seeing the same number sequence over and over again. In a more severe manifestation, they might have obsessive thoughts about burning their house down accidentally. That person might need to turn the stove on and off again several times before leaving the kitchen. ## Other symptoms of OCD include: - Checking certain conditions over and over again - Worrying that you are contaminated or dirty - The need to have everything lined up or ordered in a specific way - Hoarding or struggling to discard certain items Obsessive thoughts can give someone anxiety, shame or even disgust. Compulsive behaviors can be exhausting and seriously reduce a person’s quality of life. In the most severe cases, a person with OCD can’t engage in normal activities like going to work or staying home alone. ## Where Does OCD Come From? You might’ve started noticing the first telltale symptoms of OCD when you were in high school. That’s because OCD usually manifests itself in early adolescence for men. From there, it’s a gradual increase in symptoms over time. Lots of people talk about having OCD quirks, especially in relation to productivity or work-related circumstances, but not all these people actually have the disorder. Figures from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) suggest that some 2.2 million people suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Psychologists don’t really know what causes OCD. It could be genetic, learned, environmental or a combination of all these factors. More research needs to be conducted, but for now, psychologists focus most of their attention on treating OCD and minimizing symptoms. ## The Link Between Smartphones and OCD If you’re one of those people who can’t stop looking at their phone or feel panicky without their smartphone, then research suggests that you could tend to be more anxious and obsessive-compulsive in your day-to-day life. An Ohio State University study looked at people’s reliance on their smartphones and the “nomophobia” (fear of being away from one’s smartphone) that brought about a feeling of panic closely associated with OCD. Results from [the study](https://news.osu.edu/cant-be-away-from-your-phone-study-finds-link-to-higher-levels-of-obsession-compulsion/) were published in the journal *Computers in Human Behavior Reports*, 2020. Researchers found a correlation between how high someone scored on an OCD assessment test and how much they felt stressed if they didn’t have their phone. “It is that fear, that panicky feeling, of ‘oh, no, I left my phone at home,'” said Ana-Paula Correia, one of the authors of the study, associate professor in the department of educational studies at The Ohio State University and director of Ohio State’s Center on Education and Training for Employment. “This concept is about more than just the phone,” Correia said. “People use it for other tasks, including social media, connecting, knowing what’s going on with their social media influencers. So being away from the phone or the phone having a low battery can sort of sever that connection and leave some people with feelings of agitation.” Smartphones are almost an indispensable part of life. Yet, when you constantly feel the need to check and double check your smartphone, then this type of behavior trends toward obsessive compulsive behavior. **Related:** [Compulsive Smartphone Use Tied to Lower Well-Being, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-well-being-study-433/) ## A Personal Story about OCD My first experiences with OCD centered around my father. I didn’t know what it was called, but my Dad was the type of guy who needed an extra 15 minutes to leave the house. He always had to check and recheck the locks on the doors. I just thought he was weird. When he went to the bathroom, my sister and I would laugh as we listened to him check and recheck the locks on the door over and over again. When he was upset, my Dad would obsessively clean the whole house. My father never got diagnosed and he probably never even thought that he suffered from a mental health disorder. I can’t help but wonder if my Dad felt embarrassed or ashamed of his problems with OCD. That’s often the case with men, but OCD is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a health condition and shouldn’t carry a stigma. ## Treating Obsessive Compulsive Disorder One of the most common treatments for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). A therapist will commonly use a technique called exposure and response prevention therapy. This technique involves identifying and challenging irrational thoughts that center around a person’s OCD behaviors. Non-medicinal treatment options for OCD usually follow two different tracks. There’s one approach that exposes people to the sources of their compulsive thoughts and behaviors. The other approach is to focus more on relaxation, teaching problem solving techniques, and stress reduction. There’s new research out of the University of Michigan that can help therapists better tailor which therapy track works for the individual. The University of Michigan [study](https://labblog.uofmhealth.org/body-work/which-ocd-treatment-works-best-new-brain-study-could-lead-to-more-personalized-choices) looked at teens and adults who suffer from OCD. The study results were published in the *American Journal of Psychiatry.* During the course of the research, 87 teens and adults with moderate to severe OCD were given these two different types of therapy over a course of 12 weeks. Researchers found that CBT was more effective and reduced symptoms more as time went on, compared with stress-management therapy or SMT. That generally holds true with what psychologists know about OCD treatments. However, the University of Michigan researchers also used advanced brain scans to determine the treatments’ effectiveness. They found certain brain patterns associated with different individuals and the different treatments. “We found that the more OCD-specific form of therapy, the one based on exposure to the focus of obsession and compulsion, was better for relieving symptoms, which in itself is a valuable finding from this head-to-head randomized comparison of two treatment options,” says Stephan Taylor, M.D., the study’s senior author and a professor of psychiatry at Michigan Medicine, U-M’s academic medical center. “But when we looked at the brain to see what was behind that response, we found that the more strength patients had in certain brain areas were linked to a greater chance of responding to exposure-based CBT.” Basically, if a person was already adept at processing cognitive demands and reward, they were more likely to have success with the CBT treatment. Among those who responded best to CBT, the researchers saw stronger pre-treatment activation in areas of the brain associated with learning how to extinguish fear-based responses to something that has caused fear in the past. Because exposure therapy for OCD involves facing the thing or situation that provokes obsessive and fearful responses, having a stronger ability to be motivated by rewards might help someone stick with therapy despite having to face their triggers. Knowing this can help therapists personalize OCD treatments for patients in the future. “Our research shows that different brains respond to different treatments, and if we can build on this knowledge we could move toward a more precision-medicine approach for OCD.” **Related:** [10 Things People With OCD Need To Do Every Day](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-ocd-every-day/) ## Can Cannabis Help With OCD? There are also medicinal treatments for OCD. A psychiatrist can prescribe serotonin reuptake inhibitors which are a form of antidepressant. This can help to reduce symptoms of OCD, but prescription drugs can’t cure OCD. In a Washington State University [study](https://news.wsu.edu/2020/10/20/cannabis-reduces-ocd-symptoms-half-short-term/) involving cannabis, researchers found that the severity of OCD symptoms was reduced by about half within four hours of smoking cannabis. The results of the study were published in the *Journal of Affective Disorders* in 2020. The study tracked 87 participants as they smoked cannabis during a 31 month period. The higher the doses, and greater the concentration of CBD, the larger the reduction in OCD symptoms. However, the results were only effective for short term periods. “The results overall indicate that cannabis may have some beneficial short-term but not really long-term effects on obsessive-compulsive disorder,” said Carrie Cuttler, the study’s corresponding author and WSU assistant professor of psychology. “To me, the CBD findings are really promising because it is not intoxicating. This is an area of research that would really benefit from clinical trials looking at changes in compulsions, intrusions and anxiety with pure CBD.” **Related:** [Teen Use of Marijuana May Contribute to Adult Anxiety (Study)](https://guycounseling.com/teen-marijuana-adult-anxiety-1819/) ## Final Thoughts on OCD Some people think that OCD is just something that they have to live with. That couldn’t be further from the case. If you feel like you have symptoms of OCD, then you can see a psychological therapist who can help you better identify those symptoms and develop a treatment plan. There are also support groups that you can join. It might be beneficial to network and link up with people who have gone through what you’re going through. If you’re looking for a place to start, then check out the International OCD Foundation’s [support group link](https://iocdf.org/ocd-finding-help/supportgroups/). **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, hypnosis, ocd --- ### [A Cheap and Personal Valentine's Day Gift She Will Go Crazy For](https://guycounseling.com/a-cheap-and-personal-valentines-day-gift-she-will-go-crazy-for/) **Published:** February 4, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ![man and woman holding a heart shaped potato](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cover-4.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Valentine’s Day ideas for her Valentine’s Day is coming soon and I know that a lot of you out there (looking at you) still have no idea what kind of a gift you want to buy for your girlfriend. There are around a million problems with those gifts and we are wrong almost always with them. What to buy, how much to spend, what will she love? There is just an endless number of possibilities…to go wrong! Luckily for you (and me), I found a solution in the last year so hear me out. How she cried her eyes out on this gift ![A ripe potato on a small black box as a gift](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Potato_sprout_January_23_2006.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) I had only 7 dollars in my pocket and my girlfriend was graduating that day. I had to buy her a gift and it was supposed to be something big. She just finished her master’s degree so we had a celebratory lunch after it. Her parents, closest friends, and family attended the lunch. And the gifts that came out of the bags. Oh my God, they were all super expensive stuff. Perfumes, jewelry, golden necklaces, rings, and watches. And there was me. A poor guy opening his first company with only 7 dollars in my pocket. But I had a trick up my sleeve. I knew my girlfriend. So I went to a supermarket and bought 2 things that cost 3 dollars in total + a 4 dollar gift bag. The 2 items I bought were a can of beer and a single potato. I wrapped the gifts and put them in the bag. And I waited until everyone gave her the gifts. I waited and gave her my bag as the last present. The moment she unwrapped my gifts, she started crying and gave me the biggest hug and kiss in the world.  Her parents looked at her like she was crazy. Her friends did the same. It was just a damn potato and a can of beer. But the thing is that she comes from a small town famous for their potatoes. And she used to eat them for 5 years while studying for exams. After she ate the potatoes, we would open up a can of beer and drink it slowly while talking about life. So when she saw these 2 items, she didn’t see a potato and a can of beer. She saw 5 years of her life and all the memories that came alongside it. ***The gift was great because it was personal.*** The second gift I created for my next girlfriend happened to come from a similar place. ## The Love Letter Again, I was broke (startups tend to swallow all of your money) and needed to figure out something personal fast and cheap. I knew that my girlfriend worked for an online magazine. So I’ve decided to [write her a love letter.](https://guycounseling.com/write-romantic-love-letter/) An old-fashioned, sprinkled with perfume, mailed to inbox, love letter. It took me 30 minutes in total to write it in Word. I used a fancy font, put a nice watermark on the document, printed it out and shipped it to her address. We had a long distance relationship so she came to my city with her gifts for Valentine’s Day, but mine was traveling. So she spent the entire weekend questioning me about the gift. And all I said was “you will see when you get home”. 2 days later, she came home and phoned me immediately, crying to me on the phone. She said it is the most beautiful thing she ever read (yeah, I put emotions in the letter). We broke up later on, but she told me recently that she still keeps the letter nailed to the door of her room. What these examples showed me is that the gifts don’t need to be big, expensive or crazy. They just need to be personal. ![a brown box gift wraped with a red tape](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/jess-watters-479812.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Simple as that. But Bruno, how do I figure out what is personal? Yeah, I suspected you might ask that. So I devised a small cheat sheet that will help you find/create a personal gift. ## A cheat-sheet for Valentine’s Day ideas for her ### **1. Recreate your first date.** This lights up the relationship like a match lights up the paper. Instantly, ferociously and both of you suddenly feel warm. ### **2. Create a T-shirt for her to sleep in… with a picture of your face on the front side of the shirt**. You can add a funny line or your internal joke here. This kind of gift keeps reminding her of you since she wears it to sleep almost every single night. What a better way to show her how great of a boyfriend you are then having hear [“wear” your](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) gift every single night. ### **3. Scroll down to the beginning of your chat on Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp or any messaging tool and read the first messages you shared with each other.** There are a tone of hints here because, in the introductory phase, everyone shares personal stories/things you like/things you dislike. ### **4.Make a picture compilation of you two.** Print it out, frame it and voilà, you got yourself an amazing gift. Again, you can use different pictures to create different picture compilations like one for work and/or one for home. ### **5. Make a video compilation of you two.** This one takes a bit more time than the pictures, but it’s more impactful. ### **6. Write her a love letter.** But write a real love letter, spray it with perfume and mail it (real, physical mail). Be real when writing the letter and write about traits/experiences/situations you really like about the other person. It is a powerful gift and it’s simple and easy to do. But as Jim Rohn said it “Simple things are easy to do, but they are also easy not to do.” ### **7. Buy her a book/movie/toy she adored as a child/kid.** It’s quite easy to find things like this today (thank you Amazon) and you shouldn’t underestimate these gifts. They show your other half that you know them to the core, that you know what they wanted to do as a child, what did they love, cherish, wanted and dreamed about. And that was a small cheat sheet for great Valentine’s Day gifts. Just remember to keep it personal like this [book habit sheet](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) and it will all be fine. You have an idea what to get her already? Share it with us down below. We read all comments. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Gifts, Valentine's Day --- ### [How To Have A Great Love Life…Even If You Lack Direction](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-have-a-great-dating-lifeeven-if-you-lack-direction/) **Published:** February 6, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/dating-couple-love.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dating systems When we first start to get to know something, we just see the shallow waters. But as we explore it further, we start to understand the underlying principles behind the shallow waters. Or the way that the “water moves.” By going deep, we spot the patterns that are repeating themselves over and over. These are known as the rules of the industry. And they can be applied to every single industry/topic/branch we have today. Dating is not an exception to that. Dating has its own underlying principles, patterns, and systems that govern it. And we have gone deep into those systems and spotted similarities with business systems. These systems will give us more structure in dating, divide sectors so that we know what works good but also show us our weakest points so that we know what we need to improve. Dating has, as a business, only 3 systems that we need to set in place to have a successful love life. ## **1. “Lead generation”** For a business to succeed, you need to have a group of people (target audience) who you think might be interested in purchasing your product/service. These people are known as leads. Lead generation is multiple ways you find those people and start communicating with them so that they eventually buy your products. Lead generation in dating starts with defining your target audience. If you are after girls age 18-23, you will probably find them at college parties or university campuses. If you are after girls 30-35 years old, you will probably find them at bars in business areas etc. ![people partying in a smoked room](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/party.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Now, when you have your target audience and a couple of spots where you think you might find them, it’s time to move to the next system. ## **2. “Customer acquisition”** Okay, so now we know our target audience and we know where they hang out, it’s time for us to CONVERT those people from LEADS to CUSTOMERS. Converting leads to customers is the main deal in business. A lead by itself has no value unless it’s converted into a customer. Because that is actually the moment they say yes and buy your product/service. A paying customer is what makes your business a real business. In dating, you find the girls which you are interested in at places where you think they hang out. And when you do, it’s time to do your magic. It’s time for your to apply game and have them give you their number, kiss you or go home with you. It really depends on [how you measure success with girls](https://guycounseling.com/want-sex-girlfriend/) in this period of your game. If you are just starting out in the dating world, a number is a really good success indicator. If you are an intermediate and above, getting a girl to come home with you should be the success indicator. But what happens when you get her number, kiss her or pull her home? The third system comes into play. ## **3. “Customer retention”** In business, it’s easier to keep selling to a person who is already a customer then it is to get a new customer. It is easy to even upsell the current customer a product/service which is more expensive or demands a higher input from the customer in form of time, money and effort. This is known as customer retention. The ability of a business to keep their customers and have them purchase the product/service over and over again. In dating, this means keeping a girl you just kissed as a girl with whom you regularly hang out. And when you do that, [you can “upsell” the kiss to sex](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/). Same applies to number closing a girl or even when you already had sex with the girl. You can keep having sex with her (purchasing the same product/service), have her become your girlfriend or have a threesome with her (upsell to a more expensive product/service). ## **![Dating funnel with lead generation, customer acquisition and customer retention](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/funnel-with-pointers.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Track your progress** Now you know and have the systems for a successful love life. And you can measure it. “[What you measure, improves”](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/), said Peter Drucker. So now you know the 3 systems that will make you succeed in dating. If you are meeting only a small amount of girls every month, you should invest in lead generation system. Increasing that number will increase your overall success. If you are meeting enough girls but keep constantly striking out, it means that you need to invest in your customer acquisition system. If you improve your game, you will have a higher conversion from LEADS to CUSTOMERS. If you are sleeping with enough girls [but they go cold](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) after that, it’s time to invest in your customer retention system. If you improve your “customer support”, your customer retention will increase and you will juggle multiple girls at the same time. Systems work in any field. It’s all about figuring out the underlying principles of the field and then applying an appropriate system to it. You just got your systems for dating. Now it’s up to you to implement them. And tell me the area where have the biggest struggle in the comment section to see if I can help you out. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Dating Tips, Relationships --- ### [How To Be That Guy And Get Any Girl You Want](https://guycounseling.com/cope-vs-thrive-way-not-settling/) **Published:** February 6, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/attractive-man-wall-trying-to-get-a-girlfriend.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How do you handle what life throws at you? You are sitting in a bar with your friends when a guy comes through the door. As he enters, he sees a cute girl at the bar. She is all dressed up, wearing a red dress which is over-the-top by the bar standards. You know this, your friends know this and everyone else in the bar knows this. But that is the reason she is the center of attention. The guy also notices her, walks up to her and introduces himself. After a couple of minutes, he takes her by the hand and leads her out the bar with a smug on her face. All the while, you are sitting there with your friends having that “what the hell just happened” face. “It’s just one of those naturals” is your default response. And you tell yourself that you will never be able to do something like that. That you are just made from a different cloth. I know. I have been there. I’ve had the same thoughts, feelings, regrets, and patterns. But there is a way. Even though you may not believe it yet. Because I didn’t as well. Until I learned that for the first 20 years of my life, I have been doing the one thing that was keeping me from reaching my potential: **Coping.** ## **That’s just the way it is** This sentence is the modus operandi of all coping in the world. And with that, let me explain what coping is in short. Coping is an adaptation mechanism we develop to justify a behavior, thought pattern or any other knowledge, skill, or mindset we currently lack as okay. And in real life example, this would mean the following: I suck at picking up girls BECAUSE I am not a natural SO I will settle for not having the skills in picking up girls BY [Getting drunk with my buddies](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) and taking any girl that comes my way. And here is one more example from life: I am poor BECAUSE I don’t have rich parents SO I will settle for not having money BY Blaming the government/education/other people for it. The coping mechanism comes from the certainty that you can’t do it. And this lack of control of the situation is what leads you into learned helplessness. Or how the streets would call it “That’s just the way it is”. This approach gives control to an external source like luck, parents, school, or any other external element. And the sad truth is that the majority of the population is like this. And you can see this everywhere. ![Cope - frustrations, learned helplessness and failure](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/image2.png?resize=696%2C373&ssl=1) But not you. You are not like everyone else. You were not put on this Earth to cope and say that it is what it is. You are here to be a man. To have control over all the aspects of your life. To strive for the best life you can imagine and more. To do this, you need to regain control and ask yourself the question: “What would it take for me to become the guy from the bar”. And behold, you have discovered **thriving.** ## **You are meant to thrive, not survive** Thrive is the complete opposite of cope. When you thrive, it means that you are in control. It means you are responsible for your life and everything in it. To thrive means to be curious about how you can achieve something that you currently don’t possess. Whether it’s an information, general knowledge, mindset or a skillset. You know that you can do it. And you refuse to take any less. So when you see a guy picking up a hot girl in the bar, you don’t respond with helplessness or jealousy. You respond with curiosity. “What the hell did he do and where can I learn it?”, is your default sentence. And in real life scenario, it would like this: I suck at picking up girls BECAUSE I am not a natural. BUT [I am curious to learn how it can be done.](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) SO I will invest time, money, and effort to learn the skills of picking up girls. And here is one more example from life: I am poor BECAUSE I don’t have rich parents BUT I am curious to learn how I can attain wealth. SO I will invest time and effort to acquire knowledge, change my mindset and learn the skills that the wealthy have. When you thrive, you pick a fight with the world. A fight which you won’t lose. Because you don’t settle. You strive for the best and don’t expect less from yourself. You want the best girls for yourself and you won’t stop until you get them. Every obstacle on the way is just there to make you stronger. Because you know that you can and will change for the better. That you will grow from obstacles. You know that the only way around is through. ![Thrive cycle - curiosity, positive learning behaviors and excellence](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/image1.png?resize=815%2C393&ssl=1) ## **Decide now** “The best time to plant the tree was 20 years ago. [The second best time is now](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/)“, is the old Chinese proverb. So if you, like me, was coping your entire life, it’s not too late to start thriving. You can literally start today. Now. At this very moment. It all comes down to the decision you will make in your life. Will you cope or will you thrive? ![full cycle of coping and thriving](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/resized-picture.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) **Categories:** Dating, Guy Skills, Relationships **Tags:** Power, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [How To Have A Killer Date: Four Dimensions Of A Person](https://guycounseling.com/killer-date-four-dimension/) **Published:** February 11, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ![couple bar flirting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Get to know her – like a man We have all been there. You are sitting on a date with a beautiful woman, the dinner comes to the table, wine is poured in and you look at her- all beautiful, sitting there with a smile on her face and you just go wow! But soon enough, you realize that you actually need to say something to her. And this is where you go from a cool, take-you-to-dinner guy to an awkward guy who definitely won’t get a second date. You have read the pieces of advice out there that tell how you just need to memorize these 560 questions and she will fall for you or how you need to ask questions but not by asking questions or making it look like an interview. Ok, thanks for the advice which tells impossible things I (don’t)need to do. But luckily, I have a solution for you and it’s so simple that even a 15-year-old high school kid can use it flawlessly. It’s called the four dimensions of a person. ## **What every single person in the world shares** You see, we humans come in all shapes and sizes – different race, sex, height, weight, size, sexual orientation and a million more things where we are different like music or movie taste, are we a ketchup or a mayo, cat or a dog, rock or pop person. But all of those differentiations fall into only four dimensions of life and those 4 dimensions make us a complete person. Those four dimensions are **intellectual, physical, emotional and spiritual.** And these four are the only thing you need to remember. Every single human being has an intellectual self, a physical self, an emotional and a spiritual self. When you understand these dimensions of a person, then you understand the person as a whole. And your dates are no longer gut-wrenching, dreadful experiences but a walk in a park – movie style! But to give you even more understanding about these categories, why they are so important and what kind of questions you can ask for each and every one, I will explain them in details. ## **Intellectual dimension** This dimension is all about the logical side of our brain. The intellectual dimension is what, in fact, made us the most powerful species in the world. It allowed us to think about the future, build pyramids, fly a plane and create a razor. Intellectual questions probe the logical side of a person like their academic experience, skills, work-related questions. Most of the time, people who work in academia have a [strong intellectual](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-leo-scorpio-match/) dimension and like questions which are based on that. The questions that fall into this category are, most of the time, non-intrusive and are shared as a free information. The questions like „Where did you live“, „What did you study“, „Tell me your [favorite book,](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) movie or tv show“ fall into this category. For dates – you can start with this dimension because it’s a good icebreaker and it gives you the needed information to probe further and get to the interesting parts. So start with this category, but move fast from it because, as you have probably experienced in the past, it gets boring too soon too fast. ## **![couple in bed on cellphones looking unhappy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-bed-relationship-problems.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Physical dimension** This dimension is about our bodies and is concerned about the physical realm of our existence. The questions in this dimension are also non-intrusive and can be shared easily so you can use them in the combination with the intellectual dimension. Questions concerning any physical activities, sports, the food they eat or don’t eat, countries they have or haven’t traveled to. The questions in the physical dimension look something like this: Did you do any sports and why/why not? Describe your favorite battery recharging physical activity? Where have you traveled so far? And with this dimension, we finish the „visible“ dimensions. Because both intellectual and physical dimensions are, most of the times, easily seen, distinguishable and understood. And you need to start with these categories to unlock the two other dimensions where you actually create that much-needed connection with the other person. ## **Emotional dimension** Emotional dimension falls into the „invisible“ part of four dimensions- because it’s hidden from the eyes of other people. And it’s not disclosed or put on a sleeve for everyone to see. It is deep inside the person because most of us are vulnerable here. But the place where you are vulnerable is the place where you actually form a connection. Because [you tap in those emotions](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/) and feel what the other person is feeling. That, in turn, creates an emotional connection, something that we value way more than the logical connection with a person. To prove this the easiest way possible is to remember what out friends first ask us after a date „How was it“ and you reply with a feeling (good, great, bad, horrible, amazing etc.) – a representative of the emotional connection with the other person. You want to talk with the other person in this dimension, but you can’t jump right into it. You need to go slow, take time to get to know each other on the intellectual and physical dimension and then, when the time is right, slowly transition in this dimension. The questions here can look something like this: What makes you you? Tell me your story! Describe your perfect relationship (both platonic and romantic). What did you want to become when you were a kid? What was your favorite toy? Questions which elicit emotions in the other person and make them share a part of their inner self is the main deal of the emotional dimension. Side note: You should be ready to share similar experiences when she asks „how about you?“ And we have reached the final dimension. ## **Spiritual dimension** Everyone has spiritual needs, but not everyone knows what they are or knows how to properly articulate them. So be aware of this dimension. This is a dimension where a person feels a connection with something bigger than herself. So in this dimension, you explore the topics like the meaning of life or meaning of life for that exact person, their relationship with a Higher Being, Force, Spirit or any variations of a God, but also more pragmatic things like their personal values in life. The spiritual dimension is a powerful one because it serves as a guide in our lives – so talking in this dimension only happens when there is a great dose of trust. But if you manage to get here, you will get that „I can trust you“ feeling. ## **Conclusion** Every person you meet will have a different ratio of these four dimensions. One will be more physical and less spiritual, while the other will be more emotional and less intellectual.[It is up to you](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) to „feel“ them out and figure out where the other person is the strongest or most invested. But now you understand what makes us who we are and that the question to „How have a killer date?“ lies exactly in four dimensions. The only question for you and the person sitting across the table of you is- which one? **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships --- ### [Inner Confidence vs. Outer Techniques: What To Focus On?](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) **Published:** February 15, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![single man walking woods](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/self-confidence.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Fake body language** You walk into a bar and spot a gorgeous looking girl and you want to approach her. Your hands start sweating, your heart starts to pump like crazy and you feel hectic and nervous. Your body language is a mess. You know it’s a high-stakes situation so your body is putting you in “approach anxiety” state. But you shrug it off by taking a deep breath and approach the girl. Boom! It is a disaster – she just turns away from you like you don’t even exist and that makes you withdraw from the situation, go home to your cave and contemplate on the unjustness of life and man-to-woman interactions. Sadness and grief turn into anger and conviction – the ego’s favorite meal. So you tell yourself “I will show her. I will become the master of picking up girls.” And you start learning the techniques to do it.  That’s how most of us started getting better with girls, including me. But let’s see what’s happening while we learn the techniques and body language. ## **Outer techniques** I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 20 years old and this girl, a friend of mine, told me that I should pick up a book called The Game by Neill Strauss.  Her words were something like “This could help you with the ladies. A lot! And you really need it.” So I checked the book out and boy was she right! The book was simply amazing, filled with sexual encounters of a guy who couldn’t pick up milk from the shelf yet alone a girl from the bar – into becoming one of the most prominent pick-up artists of all time. And I was hooked instantly. I started looking deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of pick up and body language techniques that were just named in the book. It took me [about 2 months to read 7 books](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) about picking up girls, filled with techniques, routines, different kind of openers, body language positions, eye contact tricks, jokes and tricks learned by heart etc.  I was like a magician (and there is one in The Game) with a handful of tricks in my sleeve, great body language and all designed to get from point A to the girl’s pants. And the stuff worked. Especially the body language. To be honest, I had no idea why they worked but I didn’t even care. I just knew they worked and that was the only thing that mattered.  I had so many girls in my life that I started to feel invincible. The problem of approaching a girl on the street or in a bar, disco or the coffee shop was non-existent. The results kept stacking and stacking and I was living every single teenage boy’s dream. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/party.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Until I wasn’t. See, our minds play a trick on us. They make us believe that we want something to be happy and then when we get it, we suddenly realize it wasn’t the thing that would make us happy.In fact, it made us even more miserable. And the same thing happened with me and my invincibility streak. I was no longer motivated to go and chase girls because they didn’t provide me with the real change I wanted. It all seemed so fake – fake tricks, fake body language, fake everything. The tricks I learned were something I had to constantly memorize and apply and after a couple of months, the question in my head finally couldn’t be ignored. “What if I just behave as I truly am? Will that get me the girl?” And I already knew the answer to the question. I have focused only on memorizing the techniques, tricks and the body language moves and it’s no wonder that not a single girl stuck around. They all left when the facade of techniques feel down like a house of cards. And that moment I knew it was time to focus on my Inner Game. ## **Inner Game** Outer techniques just masquerade the causes of problems you have. They put a paint on the rotten walls and pretend that everything was alright. Inner Game uncovers the paint, looks critically at the walls and clearly express which are good to keep, which need to be fixed and which are so rotten that they need to be torn down. And this process is always painful because you are dealing with your biggest character and personality flaws and insecurities all the while having your ego on your shoulder, nagging to you like an annoying relative.  But trust me, **the results of work far exceed the pains of the process.** I will divide this process into 3 different categories: Emotional State, I am Enough and Self Efficacy ### **Emotional State** The first thing to understand is that there are things you can fake and body language is one of them. You can, as they say, fake it till you make it, but the problem with faking it is that it catches up to you. Your body language is just an expression of your emotional state. That is literally the definition of body language. So if you fix your emotional state, your body language will immediately follow through. Emotional state is the cause, body language is the effect. So if you want to have a confident look, stand up straight, look people in the eyes and talk with conviction, it needs to happen from your emotional state. And the most important thing here is to understand that you can’t control which emotion will spring up in you, but as sure as hell you can control if you are going to react to it. There is a term called emotional hijacking which tells us that strong emotions hijack a person’s body and make it do actions that the emotions require.  An example is a situation where someone pushes you – and you respond by hitting the person. In that moment, you didn’t make a conscious decision to hit the person, but your emotion of anger hijacked your body and made you react that way. ![arrogant man skeptical](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/arrogant-man-skeptical-folded-arms.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) But you can control this process because there is a small space between the things you feel and the actions you do. You just need to be aware of that space. The same thing is with the feeling of nervousness when you have to approach a girl. You need to acknowledge the feeling and just it let go through your body and it will be gone soon. Then, you can follow up on your first intentions and walk up to the girl without feeling nervous. **Remember:** You can’t control your feelings, but you can control if you will follow up on those feelings. You can’t hide from your feelings. You need to acknowledge that they are there and let them go through you. These are simple steps, but they are not easy. It will take you years to master them, but it will be worthy. It will feel weird and awkward at the beginning and you will doubt that you can do it in the first place. And because of that, I will introduce you to the second aspect of the Inner Game and that is Self-Efficacy ### **Self-Efficacy** Self-efficacy is defined as a judgment of how well you can execute on a certain matter. It is connected with the notion of [coping and thriving which I talked about in an earlier article](https://guycounseling.com/cope-vs-thrive-way-not-settling/). Self-efficacy is the belief that you can do it and if you can’t, that you are able to learn to do it. This goes mostly against the things we have been taught in schools and families. The sentences like “You will never be creative enough to be a writer, painter or a musician.” or a sentence focused on our, at that time, limited cognitive or physical abilities like “You will never be good at math/sports/chess/talking.” makes us believe that our capacity and potential is limited when in fact, it isn’t. This even works with picking up girls – a[ skill set that can be learned.](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) A scientist named [Carol Dweck talked about two mindsets people have](https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve): A **fixed mindset** which believes that our abilities and potential is set in stone and that we can’t change it, and a **growth mindset** which believes that we can’t measure our potential and that, with enough deliberate practice and repetition, we can master any skill we want to. What that basically says is that everything is learnable…if you invest time and proper training into it. So when we get back to talk about [emotional state](https://guycounseling.com/emotional-intelligence-will-get-girl/), you need to know that yes, it will be and feel weird not to listen to your emotions in the beginning, but that you can do it. “If you believe that you can, you are halfway there” as the saying would go. People who are doing it right now are no different then except the amount of time they invested in their skillset. And you can be there if you invest time and practice too. But the last thing we need to talk about here is much deeper than the mindset that we can learn things. It is connected with the perception and image we have about ourselves, where we tell ourselves what we should and shouldn’t deserve in our lives. And it is a problem of the rich and the poor, of the privileged and underprivileged, of the first and the third world countries and that is the concept of “I am enough.” ### **I am Enough** I am enough means that you are, at this moment, enough as a person and that you fully accept who you are. Paradoxically, only when you fully accept everything you are, will you be able to change any part you wish you the change. Because it comes from the mindset of acceptance, not repugnance. I am enough is an enormous problem today because it limits our potential for the things we can do, be and achieve by thinking that we are not enough and that we don’t deserve it. I’ve had this for years, coming from a broken third-world country. I believed that I should be where I currently am and that I can’t aim high because that isn’t something we do. You suck with girls? Well, too bad for you. You are poor? That is just life and you will struggle for the rest of your life with it. You are fat? [Your metabolism](https://guycounseling.com/killer-date-four-dimension/) is like that and there is nothing you can do. When I accepted that I am enough and that I can be whatever I worked for to be, I lost the notion of not being enough and embraced who I am completely. Then, and only then, was I able to achieve the success I desperately wanted. A real success, coming deep within me, from a changed emotional state and the ability that I can learn every skill. ## **Conclusion** The techniques and fake body language were fun to do in the beginning, but at some point, they just become something you must do to cover your true self. The real change happens deep within you, in the inner self and that is what you need to focus on to achieve change and great, ever-lasting results. **The exterior results will follow the interior successes.** Those are the principles that govern the world, my dating life and your’s as well. The only question left is, will you follow them? **Categories:** Dating, Lifestyle, Relationships **Tags:** Anxiety, Dating, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [Be Antifragile: How to Banter With A Girl and Win](https://guycounseling.com/antifragile-banter-girl-win/) **Published:** February 16, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![cool guy with a girl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-326582.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Banter like a man** You are out with your pals and suddenly, your group starts to talk with another group, an all-girls group. The numbers are even so you end up mixing as a group and you look at this cute girl. She appears to give you eye contact and smiles when you talk. Great signs! But suddenly, she starts to tease you. And you have no idea how to respond. The pressure builds up, the conversation tenses and you go from “such a cute girl” to “why is she acting like a bitch.” And at that moment, the spark in the girl’s eyes is lost and you see and feel it. The interaction just dissipates and every group goes its way. What happened? The answer lies in bantering and the way we test each other through bantering. But first, let’s see why bantering happens in the first place. ## **Why banter happens** Even though we have built skyscrapers, cities and pyramids, we are, nonetheless, still apes… although sophisticated apes. And our brains still think that we are living in caves, being hunter-gatherers and trying to survive the harsh prairies of Africa. There were [certain behaviors we did back](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) then to live in that harsh environment, not only concerning food and shelter but also concerning our tribal nature and social structures. Since we were living in scarcity and you didn’t have excess value at your disposal aka a lot of food and water stashed at your house, the females needed a different way to assess whether a male was suitable enough to mate with her. And that way was the behavior of the male and the [alpha traits](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) he showed and one of those traits was banter. If you showed the correct behavior, you would get the girl. If you didn’t, you didn’t get any. Simple as that. But guys learned how to lie so girls needed a different way to see our behavior. “Hm, if there was only a way to get out his true behavior behind the words he says – because they could be just lies. Aha, I got it”, said the females and figured out that if you put a guy in a high-pressure situation, he will show his real behavior. And bantering is simply that.  It is a way for the girl to put you in a high-pressure situation to see if you are someone worthy of her attention, affection and sexual energy. So when the girl tries to banter with you, it means it’s a great sign! She is testing you to see if [you are great as you appear to be](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/). ![guy looking at a smiling girl in the pool](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-821042.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Okay, since we saw why banter occurs in the first place through an evolutionary psychology lecture, let’s see what you as a guy should do about it. First, we will go over the mindset you need to have as a guy about banter (and why you will love it) and then, I will show you some tips and tricks on how to effectively banter with not just a girl, but with/against other guys. ## **Mindset about banter** If there is one thing I love about [reading books on multiple different topics](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) is that I manage to make connections where there are none. And here is exactly a situation where I will use a book about theoretical mathematics to show you how to think about banter (thank you Nassim Taleb). Nassim Taleb in his book Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder talks about 3 types of people. The first category is the fragile people, the second category is the robust people and the third category is the antifragile people. To see what they are all about, we will go into each of them. ### **Fragile People** Fragile people, as the name says itself, are people who are vulnerable to [pressure and easily crack under it.](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/) When you are in banter, which is a high-pressure situation, you crack easy and start to lose your nerves and cool. But it’s not what these people do only, it’s how they look at the high-pressure situations such as banter. Fragile people want to avoid high-pressure situations (stay in comfort zone) because they believe they will crack under pressure and it will be the end of them. If you are in this category remember, you are not a plate and you won’t break to the point of no return. Everyone has ups and down and if you want to grow, you need to be ready to go through the hard times and high-pressure situations such as banter. Trust me, it is worth it. ### **Robust people** Robust people are the ones that are indifferent to shocks and high-pressure situations like banter. Robust people are big and strong and unaffected by the pressure that can be thrown at them. But the problem with robust people is simply that- they are robust and [slow to change in any direction](https://guycounseling.com/cope-vs-thrive-way-not-settling/). Just because they take the crap really good, doesn’t mean that they turn it into fertilizer. For them, it’s still something bad and unnecessary, but luckily, they won’t be affected by it. But there is the last category of people for which you need to strive for. ### **Antifragile people** Antifragile people thrive on shocks and high-pressure situations such as banter. They take the crap thrown at them and make a fertilizer out of them – they use pressure and potential failure to grow from it. This is the mindset you need to adhere when you are in a banter. It is there not just to test you, but you can also use banter to grow as a person. The first one will probably suck, the second one as well, but the fifth and sixth one will be okay and by the time you reach 20 repetitions, you will be really good at banter. And you will want more from it because you will grow from it. ![couple bar flirting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) This doesn’t only apply to banter. Whatever [hard situation you have in life](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/), use that to see what you can learn from it and how you can grow from it. Because that is what Antifragile people do! Okay, we covered the mindset behind banter. So let’s see what are some tips and tricks we can use to banter effectively. ## **Banter tips & tricks** There are multiple tactics, tips & tricks to banter effectively but here, I will only teach you the four strongest ones. These four have got me through every single banter of my life and they are strong and quite easy to learn. They are takeaways, self-defecating humor, silence and straw man. So let’s dive right into them. ### **Takeaway** Remember the movie 8 Mile starring Eminem? In the last scene of the movie Eminem, playing the role of Jimmy “B-Rabbit” Smith goes on stage in the duel and starts rapping. In his minute and a half on the stage, Eminem uses every single bad thing about himself and raps on that. He used every single bad thing about himself that his opponent wanted to use against him and therefore, the effect of those words was diminished to almost nothing. Because Eminem called them out before their opponent, the opponent lost leverage against Eminem. Eminem won the competition and you will win your banter when you use this. An example would be when you are talking with a girl and you tell her “We are not going to have sex tonight” or “I will take you home but only if you promise not to try to have sex with me.” You have used the thing that the girl wanted to use against you and you did it before her. The most important thing here is to do it before the girl does it because that is when the takeaway tactic has the most power. ### **Self-defecating humor** Congruence when talking works both ways. You can use words to hide your negative behaviors or you can use words to hide your positive behaviors. But why would you hide your positive behaviors? Because of the thing called bragging. Everyone wants to tell everyone else that they have it great, but nobody wants to be an asshole who brags. The way that you do that is doing self-defecating humor. For this to work, you need to have a strong [body language](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) which elicits confidence and manliness but at the same time speak the words that show something totally different. This humor will help you brag without bragging and will make you look like a high-value guy. Examples for this would be anytime you make a “mistake” in the conversation like forgetting her name, missing her hometown/college/number of siblings, you can just tell out loud “I am the worst person in the world” or “I am just a failure in life” while having a strong eye contact. This will make her go crazy and will make you a banter-god. p.s. Don’t use this at your high-school reunions if they knew you as a shy, insecure kid. It will just make you appear even more insecure than in high school in the eyes of your classmates (I made this mistake but that’s a whole different topic). ### **![happy couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/happiness.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Silence** Ah, the good-old stare in the face. Silence is super powerful banter tool because it just shows how untouched you are by her comments and remarks and that she needs to continue speaking while you just look at her with funny expressions like “You are silly.” Silence is powerful because it can (and will) show to the other side that they are not calibrated in this conversation and that they need to adjust themselves, their jokes and their banter. You will appear to be more socially calibrated and the other side will have to change course. But beware, silence is powerful but only when used sparsely. If you don’t talk at all, you will just appear socially awkward and weird. My favorite way of using silence is only later in the conversation, never in the beginning. In the beginning, you need to show the other party that you have topics to talk about. That will make the silence even stronger later on because it is not the only thing you can do, it is the thing you choose to do at that moment. And the last one: ### Straw man A straw man is widely used in political debates, scandals, intellectual polemics but it can be a very effective weapon in banter with girls. I won’t talk about the usage of a straw man in other areas because it would take 10 more chapters. A straw man used in bantering usually concerns unreachable standards of either beauty, money, fame, funniness or craziness. It is a way you structure your argument or ideal so that you or the other person can’t possibly reach that high of a standard in the fields above. It seems complex but it’s really simple to use. Look at this example: You tell a joke which flops and the girl calls you out, telling everyone (or just you) how the joke was bad. You immediately straw man yourself on the category of funniness and say: “Yeah, I am not even up to the knees to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (insert name of some super famous comedian like Gabriel Iglesias, Bill Burr, Dave Chappelle). ” This makes the callout from the girl almost ridiculous because there is no way anyone in that place is even remotely close to having jokes like Bill Burr or Dave Chappelle. And you have taken the sting out of the joke with just this simple technique. You can reverse this and use it on the other side like in an example of a gorgeous girl who has a “little” [ego problem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) and thinks she is the most beautiful girl in the world and deserves everything. A good way to straw man her is to tell her “You are gorgeous, but you’re no \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_(insert some ridiculously high bar for beauty like Victoria’ Secret Angels).” ## **Conclusion** Banter is perfectly normal and we have been using it for thousands of years. And when you get one from a girl, it means she is considering you as a mating partner and this is her way to test you out. So banter with her and think about banter in an Antifragile way – it will just make you stronger because you will grow from it. And the four tactics to banter effectively are takeaways, self-defecating humor, silence and straw man. All that is left one is for you to use it. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Power, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [You Want Women In Your Life? Stop Focusing On Game](https://guycounseling.com/find-purpose-get-women/) **Published:** February 18, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-behind-bars.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Find your purpose and get women in your life** Does it ever happen to you that as soon as you have a girlfriend, there is an endless amount of girls going after you? Like, even Jenny from the Accounting which you have been chasing for the last 3 months. As soon as you are off the market, everyone wants you. Where were these girls before and why am I so interesting to them right now? And the reason behind this is that you send a different vibe. You are consciously the same person because nothing changed about you from yesterday to today. But you are in a relationship right now and you have that somewhere in the back of your mind. What our bodies do is that they show these small changes with our posture, voice color, pitch and microexpressions. Basically, all of those things which are impossible to fake. Since people can’t put their finger on them, they simply call it “a different vibe.” We have talked about the [reasons why these things occur in the previous articles and yes, it is connected with evolutionary biology and psychology.](https://guycounseling.com/antifragile-banter-girl-win/) But this exact topic has a way bigger background so we will skip that for one to keep the article focus on the what and how. So here is a shortcut on how to actually become desirable to women and have that “a different vibe” element going for you. ## **What do you live for?** The secret is pretty simple. You need to find and pursue your purpose in life. I did say it was simple, but not easy because this is definitely not an easy task to do. This works because your final goal isn’t to get the girl or get laid. Your final goal is to find someone who is complementary in life and someone who would fit the bigger picture and purpose. But to gain this effects, you need to have two things going for you concerning your purpose. ![what is it like to date a scorpio man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-Man-in-the-Universe.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ### **Find your purpose** There are a couple of ways and two different schools that talk about finding your purpose. I won’t go in depth about that, but will just give you give a clear and concise way to actually finding your purpose. To find your purpose, you need to ask yourself one simple question over and over again. And the question is “Why I do what I do?” It does sound simple and quite easy, but the answers to this question [become harder and harder the more in-depth you go.](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/) This question is made to actually discover your deepest motivators in life and if you go deep enough, you will for sure find the thing that ticks you. Getting to your Why aka your purpose is a matter of practicing self-awareness and asking yourself the Why question. But after you realize and find what it is, then comes the hard part. ### **Pursue your purpose** We came to the hard part of the equation. It’s not enough to just find your purpose. Many people did that. But what separates dreamers from doers is that dreamers dream and [doers do.](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) Once you figure out what you live for, what you want to die for and what ticks your life, it’s time to actively start investing time into it and making it come true. Otherwise, you are just a phony guy who doesn’t “walk-the-talk.” And girls don’t buy into bullshit you tell them. As we already talked about in the previous articles, [they buy into behaviors you do.](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) If you don’t have a job, but tell girls you are a striving entrepreneur living in their mom’s basement, then they will pick that up soon enough. Even when you think you are lying effectively, you will start giving out microexpressions and signs which are not congruent with your talk. So you need to [not only talk about what you want to ](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/)do, but actually do it. It actually doesn’t matter what your purpose is. It can be playing the guitar, being a professional League of Legends player or best hot-dog eater in the world. But what matters is that the thing you are doing is your passion. The girls feel that fire in your stomach and will in your eyes. When you merge these two, something great will happen with your life. You will get that “a different vibe” element to you because you will actually feel like you are in a relationship…but not with your girlfriend, but your purpose in life. And that will have two side-effects which are going to impact your life even more. The two effects are outcome independence and non-neediness. ### **Outcome independence** Imagine the following scenario: You walk into a bar and start talking with a girl. It’s going well so far but at one moment, the girl’s friends call her up to go home and you abruptly say goodbye there. You ask for her phone number but she says that you are a nice and cute guy and doesn’t give you her number. If you have your purpose and are pursuing it in life, you will actually be quite okay with this. Because you not getting her number is not the end of the world. You still have your purpose going for you. But if your only goal in life was to sleep with this girl, then your entire world crumbled down as soon as she didn’t give you her phone number. When you have a purpose you pursue, you become outcome independent of the situation because you simply don’t care that much about the approval you will or won’t get from the girl. You are okay because you have your purpose. For you, the girl is not the main dish. She is the salat that goes with it. If there is no salat, there is still the main dish and it’s great to it. A salat is a bonus that is a “nice-to-have” but not a “must.” Your purpose is your [main dish and the girl is the salat.](https://guycounseling.com/killer-date-four-dimension/) ### **Non-neediness** When you are complete as a person because you have your thing figured out, then you start becoming non-needy. You no longer need that girl over there to give you approval because you already it…and from the only person who should actually give you that and that is you! You don’t even need to have your purpose going well for you. You can struggle with it (and you will, but the important thing is that you are pursuing it. Because the only validation you seek is your validation from your purpose. The girl here, as in the outcome independence part, becomes a bonus and not the main dish. ## **Conclusion** All of the above are the side-effects of finding and pursuing your purpose. But that is easier said than done. Figuring out what your life purpose is and then having the courage to pursue is something 90% never do. But you are not in that 90 % of people. You are in the 10% who actually want to live their purpose. And as a side-effect, you will enjoy the plethora of girls. All you have to do leap into it. Will you? **Categories:** Dating, Guy Skills, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Dreams, Self-Esteem --- ### [5 Ways You Can Make Your Girlfriend Crave For You](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) **Published:** February 20, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ![Scorpio and Leo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/leo-scorpio-compatibility.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Guys can make girls crave for them…and here is how!** We guys have been hunter-gathers for hundreds of thousands of years. And even though we live in a civilized society today where we no longer live like that, our genetic predisposition still is to hunt. Hunt for food, gather berries, hunt animals, gather water and hunt for females. It is just how we are programmed. But what happens when we actually catch the girl. Do we need to stay in this hunter mode and constantly chase her? The answer is no and before we go into it, let me just tell why flipping the frame here is awesome and how being the one chased is actually great. When you are in hunter mode, it means that you are chasing for something and that you need something out there that you crave for. When that is food, your mouth salivates and tell you to go find and eat the food. You find the food then and end your cravings. The same thing happens in relationships, where we guys are the one craving the other side and are in perpetual hunter mode. Because we have the urge and the need to fulfill our needs. But when you flip the frame, you become the reward and the girl needs to chase you to fulfill her cravings. To do that, we need to have a couple of things going for us. And in my experience, it is these 5 elements that will yield you the biggest reward. ## **1. Grooming** Let me first tell you what grooming isn’t. This doesn’t mean that you need to shave your armpits every single day, that every hair on your body needs to be perfectly shaped and “pointing” in the same direction etc. Grooming doesn’t mean having $1200 blazer or the newest hip shoes. Grooming simply means being [clean cut](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/) and making sure that you respect the way you look. This means that you need to shower regularly and I am talking to you Paul and your couch-potato habit of not showering every single day. This is a must, not only for the girls but for your sense of self-respect. Simple grooming also involves a [clean-cut beard, hair and clean clothes](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). And that’s it! Simple as that. Because it is not about the accessories, it’s about showing yourself first that you respect the way you look and feel like in your own skin. And by just showering regularly, having clean clothes and a clean cut beard and hair, you will be groomed like a man. And girls love this! They will want you more because you are showing to yourself and to her that you want yourself more, that you respect yourself more and that you are a high-value guy. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/attractive-man-wall-trying-to-get-a-girlfriend.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) What kind of a style you will choose depends solely on you. But these are the prerequisites for any style out there. ## **2. Being flirty** Being flirty is not only about the chase and stage where you don’t have the girl yet. You can use flirting even when you are in a relationship and dating a girl. Flirting can be divided into two categories: words and behaviors. ### **Being flirty with words** Spark that interaction in a way that you show her that you are playful with your words. Make it appear that she can’t have you or that she can’t have you anyway and anytime she wants to. We talked about takeaways in the articles before and that is a very powerful thing to use here. Just by stating to your girlfriend that [“we are not having sex tonight”](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/), you are sparking that initial dynamics which gets lost altogether in a relationship. By showing her that she doesn’t have you even though she “had” you once or a couple of times, you spark her interest and she needs to put some effort into it. And this makes her want you more and more and more, making you the pray of her hunting. ### **Being flirty with behavior** Ah, my favorite “weapon” to use for sparking passion. This, in guys terminology, is called teasing. You can be playful with her and tease her behaviorally in several ways. One of the most effective things you can do is to lean your head away from her when she tries to kiss you. This way, you are making yourself out of reach even if it is for a couple of seconds. But girls just love this because then they need to push and chase more. You can use similar things like hugging her from behind and giving her just one (and I mean just one) long, passionate kiss on her neck or her mouth. This will send her a message that you care for her, but that if she wants it, [she needs to work for it.](https://guycounseling.com/feel-ignored-partner/) Or you can simply look her in the eyes for three seconds and then break eye contact. There are multiple ways you can flirt with your behavior and these were just a couple of examples. Try out your ways and find what suits you (and your partner). ## **3. Being non-threatened by other guys** While we guys really a lot on physical appearance for our sexual attractions, for girls it is about behavior. And nothing turns her on more than a [confident man.](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) As we discussed in previous articles, [girls test your character and personality in multiple ways and put you in high-pressure situations](https://guycounseling.com/antifragile-banter-girl-win/). One situation like that is constant mentioning of guy colleagues and other guys in general. When you are not threatened by other guys, you show her that you are confident in yourself and that you trust not only her behavior and judgment but also that you are not needy. ![man amber glasses](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/amber-glasses-man-sunglasses.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) When you are not jealous of other guys, you subconsciously send her a message that states “I believe that you are having the best time of your life with me. So I don’t worry about other guys because they can’t give you what I can give you.” And this confidence in your ability to show her a good time and not be threatened by other guys is a major turn-on for girls. Also, you show her one more thing that makes her chase and want you even more. If you feel that she can find someone who is better suited for her needs and she knows that you feel like this, then she is even more interested. Because that shows her that you are not needy, that you can leave almost anytime and that you can easily find someone else instead of her. This communicates that you are a high-value guy that girls want to hang around and want to have in their lives. This combined with confidence in yourself is a major turn-on for them and they will chase you like crazy when you can show off this kind of behavior. ## **4. What is missed, is wanted** Imagine your favorite food right now. For me, it’s musaka – a special potato-meat-potato dish made in the Balkans. And now think about eating that dish. Feels good ey? Now imagine eating that dish every single day, 3 times a day for the rest of your life. Suddenly it doesn’t look that appealing to you. It looks gross and you don’t want it that often. But if you had it once every 15 days, it would probably be the best meal you had in those 15 days. And that is the concept of “what is missed is wanted.” When you make yourself [constantly available](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) and “usable”, then there is no time for the other side to crave for you. And time is of the essence here. You need to make yourself unavailable for a certain period of time so that the other side gets to miss you, your presence, your conversation skills, your flirty looks, and your warm breath when kissing her. All of these get diminishing returns when used frequently so try to create scarcity with these or at least create smaller time frames when you two can enjoy yourself. This will make her want you more, the time you two will spend together will have a bigger quality because you both will want it more and there will be FOMO- the fear of missing out. Because if you only have 3 hours this entire week to hang out with her, then she should be really prepared for those 3 hours because there is not more of you in that week and if she somehow screws that up, you are gone for that week. This is extremely healthy and is one of the secrets of long and successful marriages so see what suits you and your partner the best. And we have come to the last point. ## **![dreams about your ex](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/dreams-ex-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **5. Be open and vulnerable** When you can show her and [state your feelings and openness](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/)– the things that frighten you but also the things that excite you – then you will feel the biggest want and chase from the girl. Because you are showing her that you are confident enough in a man you are that you can show her your feelings and vulnerabilities in an open manner. This is the last step because it takes a lot from most guys to open up and be vulnerable because society teaches us that guys need to always be though, never have and, God-forbid, show feelings and vulnerabilities. Because those are for girls, wusses and sissies. And we guys buy into s\*\*\* for most of our lives, damaging ourselves and our relationships. But by learning to open up, we not only deal with our problems and bottled up feelings, but we also [make ourselves more appealing](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) to the other side. So try it to, go small and slow with it. And soon enough, you will start to love it and your partner too. ## **Conclusion** It’s great to chase, but sometimes we want to be the one that is chased. And for you to do that, you need these 5 elements: Grooming, Being flirty with words and body language, not being threatened by other guys, making yourself scarce and having her miss you and the last is to be open and vulnerable. Let me know what are your experiences with these five. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Men, Relationships, Self-Esteem, wellness --- ### [7 Things Women Say And What They Really Mean By That](https://guycounseling.com/7-things-women-say-really-means/) **Published:** February 21, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![couple dating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-dating.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What the phrase really means?**  There was a joke going on recently with space shuttle launch and the first woman in space. It went something like this: “Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind.” What is the problem? “Nothing.” Please tell us. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.” All of us have faced a similar problem one way or the other when talking to girls. Understanding what is behind those words is crucial in figuring out the emotional state of the girl. And if you can go past the words and dig deeper, you will truly understand what the words mean. So here are 7 most typical phrases a girl says, what they mean and how to actually deal with each and every single one of them effectively: ## **1. Fine** There is a paragraph from a book called The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Neil Strauss that goes like this: “What’s wrong?”, I ask. “Nothing.” “Nothing always means something. I’m open to talking about it.” “I’m fine, really. “She unpacks her toiletries and brings them into the bathroom. A gentle frost accompanies the breeze of her every movement. “Fine stands for fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.” She is unamused. “It’s disrespectful to keep texting girls when you’re with me,” she snaps. ### **What “Fine” actually means:** Okay, so fine actually means that things aren’t fine. And you probably know this already. But the deeper meaning of the word fine is that it means that there is an underlying need that is not being met. With the example above, fine means that you with your actions and/or behaviors somehow violate her emotional needs. And if you press for the matter hard enough, you will hear the problem articulated loud and clear like in the example above where she said: “It’s disrespectful to keep texting girls when you’re with me.” ### **How to deal with “Fine”:** Again, [I will use a paragraph from the book to explain how to deal with it](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/): “So I need to choose my next words carefully and with maturity if I want the experience to go well. Because it’s not just about a couple of weeks, it’s about my future. “I was texting to make arrangements with the girls who are coming to stay with us,” I tell her. “But from now on, unless we’re making plans for that day, let’s all try to ignore the phone when we’re together so we can be in the moment with each other.” She nods and smiles, content with the diplomacy. I used to think that a good relationship meant always getting along. But the secret, I realize, is that when one person shuts down or throws a fit, the other needs to stay in the adult ego state. If both people descend to the wounded child or adapted adolescent, that’s when all the forces of relationship drama and destruction are unleashed. I share this with Veronika and teach her about the different ego states. Soon, we’re connected again. “I’m already learning things from being here, and that’s why I came,” she says happily.” The way we deal with Fine is by staying cool and level-headed. Problem with Fine occurs from emotional need and if you respond to with emotions, it definitely won’t go well. So just stay level-headed and try to summarise what the problem is from her perspective. When you get a head nod from her or the words “that’s right”, then you can proceed to tell her what you will do. The Fine problem is actually a great way to show her how cool of a guy you are. You just need to turn this [high-pressure situation](https://guycounseling.com/antifragile-banter-girl-win/) into an opportunity for you. ## **![guy covering face with paln](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-246805.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **2. I’m not mad** This is regular one that we get and it has two different meanings. ### **What “I’m not mad” means:** The first is when the sentence “I’m not mad.” stands alone. If it does stand alone, it means that the girl is genuinely not mad. This occurs in less than 1% of instances and most of us are not familiar with this meaning. But the other one is the bastard.  When you hear “I’m not mad.” accompanied by any other word after it, it means that she is mad. “I’m not mad but…” “I’m not mad. It’ just…” “I’m not mad. You can do…” ### **How to deal with “I’m not mad”:** You need to talk this through and can’t let it slide. Because it will keep repeating itself. To deal with “I’m not mad” you need to keep asking questions and again, try to understand where the anger is coming from. You will read about the understanding a lot in this article. That is because all of these problems are emotionally caused and that means that there is a misunderstanding about the [emotional needs of one of the partners](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) in the relationship. So you need to ask and ask questions to understand where the “I’m not mad is coming from.” From my experience, it stems from the behavior shown by her previous boyfriends or father figures which did the same thing but later on misused her trust. So you need to find out why this specific behavior or wording is problematic. When you understand the problem behind it, you can either correct your behavior/wording or state that you will keep up with the behavior but by making sure that you won’t misuse her trust in any sort of way. The usual examples of this might be the division of house chores, meeting people of different sex or staying late at work. ## **3. Maybe** Again, a word that has exactly two different meanings that we will explore now. ### **What “Maybe” actually means:** It can mean no or never in your life. “Maybe” means no and never when it’s an answer to a question. And here are two examples: “What do you think about a threesome?” “Maybe” “How about a massage from you?” “Maybe later.” “Maybe” has one more meaning which is quite tricky. When your girlfriend tells you a maybe as a proposal, it means that she really wants to do it. “Maybe we could go to my parents next weekend?” “Maybe we can take a walk by the river next time?” ### **How to deal with “Maybe”:** What these two sentences actually mean. “Honey, I would really like us to go to my parent’s place next weekend. And I want you to notice my need/desire/want for that.” “I don’t like driving around with the car/bus/train/bike. I would really love for us to take[ a nice long walk by the river](https://guycounseling.com/killer-date-four-dimension/) where we can have a more intimate atmosphere and talk about us.” Beware of “Maybe.” If you hear it come out of her mouth, think of that as something that you two should definitely do. ## **4. Where are you** This is not a simple location question as we will discover right now ### **What “Where are you” actually means:** “Where are you” can mean a couple of different things. If you are with her, but you are spaced out, she will ask you “Where are you” which means “Why don’t you pay attention to me?” or “What is more important now then me and us?” “Where are you” over the phone can be a way dangerous one. Over the phone, it means that she is a bit insecure and she is checking out where you actually are, how many people are there with you and who is there with you. She is assessing people who could potentially make you do something stupid like cheat or just get drunk and end up in a bar fight. ### **How to deal with “Where are you”:** Again, this comes to the underlying emotional need of your girlfriend. You need to understand where this is coming from and in my experience, it’s usually from her insecurity about something. She can be worried about you being in the bar without her, [drinking with your buddies](https://guycounseling.com/beer-goggles-hook-behaviors-1223/) because her last boyfriend cheated on her in the exact same situation. When you understand (again the understanding part) where it’s coming from, you can talk about it and make sure that you understand her and where she comes from. Then you can either change your behavior her or just tell her what you will do that night so that she is not worried about you. If you do this a couple of times, the insecurities will be long gone because you will show that there is nothing to worry about. ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/girlfriend-cheated.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **5. Who is she** “Who is she” is the epitome of jealousy and insecurity ### **What “Who is she” actually means:** She is insecure about your female friends or new coworkers and she needs her entire background + picture to make sure that she is not a threat. ### **How to deal with “Who is she”:** Again, it comes to understanding where this comes from. When you hear “Who is she”, you need to reassure your girlfriend that she is the only girl in your life and that she is safe in your relationship. If she feels safe and knows (emotionally) that you care for her, then other girls won’t be that big of a deal. Beware that other girls will always pose a [certain threat to her](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/) and that you will get this question no matter how secure she is in the relationship. As someone with many female friends, this is a question I get asked always no matter how safe, cared and nurtured they feel with me. Also, if you know that a certain female friend will keep popping up in your life, mention it early to your girlfriend and make her familiar (use her first name etc.) ## **6. Nothing** This is the marijuana of emotional problems – it is not a problem by itself but can lead to catastrophic effects if paired up with a bigger emotional problem. ### **What “Nothing” actually means:** Nothing is simply a gateway. It means that there is something hidden behind and that you need to stop whatever you are doing and figure out what that “Nothing” actually means (hint: It’s always something). ### **How to deal with “Nothing”:** Never, ever ignore a “Nothing.” Because it’s always something and you need to start asking questions to figure out what is behind the nothing. Usually, you will hear something like “Fine” or “I’m not mad” or “You always do that” after you have asked enough questions. “Nothing” by itself is not dangerous, but beware about the [deeper problems that lie behind it.](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/) ## **7. You always do that** And last but not least “You always do that.” ### **What “You always do that” actually means:** When you fail to address “Nothing” in the past, that’s when you, most of the times, get “You always do that.” Earlier problems that go just “Fine”, spark a “You always do that” later on. This means that you didn’t unwrap the emotional problems earlier in the relationship and now the [debt has to be paid.](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) ### **How to deal with “You always do that”:** This is the only that can’t be fixed in an instant. This means that there was something wrong from the beginning of the relationship and it came up to the surface just now. That means that there was no more place beneath the surface to hide so it came up. Which means that you need so much time to unpack this and change the behavior/wording that has been a problem ever since the beginning of the relationship. Still, don’t despair. You can solve the problem of “You always do that” by figuring out what is the problem and dealing with it. But you need to [fix your communication so that this one doesn’t occur in the future.](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/) ## **Conclusion** And these were the 7 most common phrases we hear from our girls and ways how to unpack and deal with them. Next time you hear phrases like “Fine, I’m not mad, Maybe, Where are you, Who is she, Nothing and You always do that”, you will know how to respond. **Categories:** Dating, Guy Skills, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Power, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [The Why How And What Of Approach Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/fix-approach-anxiety/) **Published:** February 23, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![guy with beard looking in the screen](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/frank-marino-76592-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Approach anxiety is real but it is also total bullshit.** You are having beers with your friends in a bar, laughing your asses off and enjoying your time in general. Then all of a sudden, she walks inside and all of your friends including you go silent immediately. You look at her and on one side praise the Lord for giving the world such a beauty and on the other side, curse the fact that she had to walk into this exact bar at this exact time. Because you know what that means. You want to go over there and talk to her. You look at your friends and they have the same idea- you can notice that in their eyes.  But your hands start to sweat, your breath becomes heavy and start swallowing Jupiter-sized balls of spit down your throat. It’ here. The Approach Anxiety is here and it prevents you from moving from your chair to talk to the girl and it does the same thing to your friends. It’s paralyzing, petrifying and you absolutely hate it from the bottom of your heart. I know because I do too. And every single guy in this world has it and hates it as well. But don’t despair because there is a way how to handle approach anxiety. Men have been doing it for years and no, it doesn’t involve getting drunk-faced and then not remembering what you did for half of the night. I am talking about sober approaching the hottest girls in the club, bar, disco or on the street and it can be done. I’ve been there and done that and if I can learn, so can you. But before we go into tips & tricks, strategies and tactics, we will need to rewire our way of thinking about approach anxiety. And to do that, we are taking a history lesson in human behavior again. So relax and prepare to enjoy reading the evolutionary background for approach anxiety, how to think about it and at the end, how to deal it. ## **Approach anxiety and evolution** So you know from the [previous articles that we humans used to live in tribes](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/). And we were living in tribes of around 50-150 people, going hunting together, sharing food, water and shelter. But our species, Homo Sapiens, is a social animal and that means that we didn’t just share living necessities. We shared out lives with each other and connections and relationships mean a lot of messy things. So imagine that you are living in a tribe back then and out of those 100 people, you spot a gorgeous girl. You want to approach her and go talk to her (tribal style) and have sex with her. So you approach and it turns out that the girl is actually chief’s girl but you didn’t know that. The repercussions? The tribal chief and his henchmen either beat you to death or they expel you from the tribe. If you think that being expelled from the tribe doesn’t sound that bad, think about the what that actually means. No food, no water, no shelter, no way of defending yourself against wild animals, no help from other people from your tribe and if you meet other people from different tribes, there is an almost 100% chance they would kill you. Suddenly, being beaten to death doesn’t seem that different than being expelled from the tribe. That’s because it isn’t. So our ancestors used to look at those situations (which definitely happened) and thought for themselves “Wow, I am not doing that ever in my life. One wrong approach and I lose my head.” And then you have this way of thinking for around 100 000 years and this fear of approaching the girls gets passed along the line. To this day, every single man has approach anxiety because it’s rooted in the [evolutionary biology.](https://guycounseling.com/antifragile-banter-girl-win/) It was a way for us to survive the harsh reality of the world back then. ![guy looking down](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/dark.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)But we are no longer living in tribes. And yes, you, me and everyone else knows that. But our brains don’t. Our brains still think that we live in the tribal era because they can’t follow the rapid pace of our technological and civilizational growth. Even though approach anxiety is very real, on the other hand, it’s total bullshit. And here is what I mean by that. ## **Approach anxiety and mindset** You live in a safe world today and nobody will expel you from the tribe (or kill you) because you approached a girl. So objectively, there is no reason for us to be afraid of that. This fear is not justified and lives only in our heads. [But that doesn’t make it any less real.](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/) The way to think about approach anxiety isn’t as an emotion of fear but as an emotion of excitement. The example is that if someone put a gun to your head, you would probably feel fear. And if you were going up a rollercoaster and were about to go down, you would probably feel the same. But you wouldn’t say that you are afraid, you would express it as excitement. It’s the same chemicals that we feel, but we interpret them differently. The way to think about approach anxiety is that it’s a situation where you have a chance to excel, to succeed. You were just given an opportunity, a situation where your skills, delivery and the way you will behave yourself will really matter. And the best thing is that there are no downsides for this. Becuase if you get rejected, absolutely nothing will happen. But if you don’t get rejected, you might end up with the best sex of your life or with an awesome girlfriend or even with a person with whom you will spend the rest of your life with. So now when we know why we have approach anxiety and what kind of mindset we should have about it, it’s time to go into the technical nature of dealing with approach anxiety. ## **Approach anxiety and how to deal with it** Approach anxiety isn’t something you fix overnight and you will probably have it for the rest of your life. But as we have seen above, we look at it now as a challenge, not as a fearful situation. There are a couple of ways to deal with approach anxiety and some ways will not work for you, while some will be perfect. So here are the four ways and methods you can use to deal with approach anxiety: ### **Body and approach anxiety** This way is about adjusting your physiology so that it’s primed for an approach. We already know that our minds can affect our bodies but also that [our bodies can affect our minds.](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-motivation-5-mindful-tips-to-workout-right-now/) Physiological way means to loosen up your body, like going dancing (and not caring what anyone thinks of you), shouting out loud, standing straight up, walking with your chin held high, squaring up your shoulders, stretching a bit (calibrate the social situation) and looking people in the eyes. This will loosen up your body and send messages to your mind that you are confident and relaxed in your body. Your mind will follow this and you will have a positive feedback loop. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/gym-selfies.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ### **Reframing and approach anxiety** What does an approach mean to you? Reframe what it means to you. [As one dating instructor said, “The moment you said hi, you won.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI6f2D55nbI) Think about approaching as something that is just saying Hi. That is easy and everyone can do it. You can’t plan out the conversation because we have no idea what the next 30 seconds will actually be about and you shouldn’t. Simplify what an approach is and just say hi and let it go from there naturally. If you are thinking that you are incapable of having a conversation, that is simply not true. Even if it somehow happens (which won’t), it doesn’t matter because you did an approach. You will learn in stages and by breaking everything down into small steps will make it easy. ### **Social pressure and approach anxiety** This is a commitment and social pressure method dealing with approach anxiety. We, humans, have two different motivation factors: Avoid pain and seek pleasure. The stronger one of those two is avoiding pain. And this method or way amplifies the part of avoiding pain instead of increasing pleasure. Because if we believe that we will lose way more by not approaching then by approaching, we will actually approach the girl. If you are with your buddies, give them your 20 dollars and tell them to give the money back to you when you do the approach. Or you can even give them money and tell them that they can keep it if in 10 seconds you don’t approach that girl. [This way the loss is actually bigger then the gain](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) and even if at this moment you think this won’t work, it will for sure. Because that is how we people are programmed (remember evolutionary psychology and biology). So increase the amount you can lose and let your brain do the work for you. And the final way or method is the emotional situation. ### **Emotional situation and approach anxiety** This is the way I dealt with my approach anxiety. The emotional situation means that it’s not about the girl over there,[ it’s about you.](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) You know the quote that goes “You will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did.” The emotional situation is about having positive emotions about yourself and having the self-respect to move towards excellence in your life. If she rejects you, that is fine. But if you don’t even go there and say hi, you are actually rejecting yourself. You are saying to yourself that you are not enough and that you don’t matter, that nothing will change and that you will never be able to go there and strike a conversation. I can tell you that I don’t remember almost any rejections I had from girls (and I had plenty of them), but I can remember every single time I rejected myself. And the pain you feel from rejecting yourself is a million times bigger than any girl rejecting you in any possible way. Live without regrets and respect yourself, because who will if you won’t. ## **Conclusion** We have talked about approach anxiety is formed, why it’s formed, how we need to think about it and the four ways to deal with it. Out of the four ways to deal with approach anxiety, at least one will resonate deeply with you. The four ways are physiological, by reframing the approach, by using social pressure and by changing your emotional state. It is a lot of work, but it’s worth it. And you, with which way will you start? **Categories:** Dating, Lifestyle, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [Interdependent Relationship And How To Get There](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/) **Published:** February 27, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/couple-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **3 stages of a relationship – codependent, independent and interdependent relationship.** Relationships, as in any human social interactions, are quite messy. They have different ways they succeed, different ways we think they have succeeded and a million different ways they can fail. But there is an underlying pattern going on with relationships. Certain elements make a strong emotional connection and a stable relationship while others tear it down. It is like the Tolstoy quote: “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” So we will explore the elements which create a “happy relationship”, but to do that, we need to show you what kind of relationships we even have. There are three different kinds of relationship: codependent, independent and inter-dependent. This is a term coined by the late Dr. Stephen Covey and we will borrow this classification for the article being. So let’s jump in. ## **Codependent relationship** This is what around 90% of people in the world experience in day to day interactions. These codependent relationships are not only a classification for romantic relationships, but also for every single relationship we have. Family, friends and even business relationship can and most of them fall into this category. A codependent relationship is a relationship where both sides are not good enough or complete enough by themselves so they need to find someone else out there (a family member, friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend) to fill a hole in them and make them whole. If this above sounded romantic in your head, it means that the mainstream media has succeeded. Every single god damn romantic movie we have seen has had a codependent relationship be the main type of relationship. And even worse, they show that kind of a relationship as a successful, happy and fulfilling one! This is one of the most damaging things out there. Because there are a[ plethora of guys like you and me who grew up thinking that those movies showed us what we need to know and how we need to behave to happy.](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/) And the movies always portray some super insecure guy who in a miraculous way gets the girl, loses the girl and gets the girl back all the while having so much drama around him, her and their entire relationship. But the reason Hollywood portrays this kind of relationship is drama. A codependent relationship is full of drama, crazy and unexpected things happening and occurring. They are simply fun to watch because there are a million reasons they could go wrong (remember the Tolstoy quote). But let’s see what actually creates a codependent relationship. ### **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/girlfriend-cheated.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ### **Codependent people** All of us have, in form or another, been in a codependent relationship. That is just we humans make it in this world. When you are an infant, you are not self-sustainable, you need your parents to give you shelter, provide you with food and water just so you can survive. But the problem occurs when we transfer this kind of behavior in our relationships later on. [When you are starting to grow up and still displays behaviors of an infant](https://guycounseling.com/find-purpose-get-women/), then you will surely end up in a codependent relationship. If not with your parents, then with other people around you. Codependent people are not self-sufficient, they usually live in a state of 0 control of their lives, [they have a deep victim mentality](https://www.bigsmiles.co/) (someone else is responsible for my life) and complain quite a lot. This means that all of our needs are to be met by someone else because we, as individuals, are not capable of doing that by ourselves. We seek someone out there who would love us because we don’t love ourselves.  [We seek someone out there to gives us a job because we want someone else to be responsible for us.](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/)  We seek out friends who will only tell us nice things and go with the flow because our self-confidence would otherwise shatter to pieces. And when you turn around left and right, you see people like this everywhere. Reason? Because it’s easy! If I told you right now that it’s not your fault where you are in life, you would feel at ease. Because there would be someone else who we could point a finger. But if I told you that it’s not your fault where you are in life, but as sure as hell is your responsibility, you wouldn’t be that calm. [Becuase you wouldn’t be able to point a finger at anyone but yourself.](https://guycounseling.com/antifragile-banter-girl-win/) A codependent relationship is the same- you always blame the other person when things go awry, they never love or respect you enough and the entire fault for everything in a relationship is always their fault. There are a million other reasons why these relationships suck and why they are so widespread (thank you for the quote Tolstoy), but we won’t spend any more time here. I will give you a quick shortcut to get to stage 2 – independent relationship. Listen to this single sentence to come to stage 2: When you take radical responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you will reach stage 2 – independent relationship. ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-with-depression.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Independent relationship** We finally moved from the majority of people and entered a small, mere 10%, a minority of people who experience independent relationships. Some people would call this a scale where the extremes are codependent and independent relationships but I would disagree. And the reason is that [you need to grow as a person](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) to reach independent relationship, while codependent ones are a default state of the world today. Okay, so what is an independent relationship? An independent relationship is a relationship where both sides are fully independent and can cover all of their needs almost by themselves. They have the deepest respect and love for themselves and are [self-sufficient.](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/) Independent relationships are what happens when two people who work and grow themselves meet up and form a relationship. This happens with friends and romantic relationships as well. It is when you internalize the quote by Jim Rohn “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.” But there are certain problems that occur here and it’s connected with independent people. ### **Independent people** As someone who spent years in this area, I am more than qualified to tell you all the shit that happens here and why it’s 10 times better than the codependent relationship but 10 times worse than the interdependent relationships. When you took [full responsibility for your life](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) and saw the world as the place where you do have control, everything shifted. You started seeing everything with different eyes and suddenly, you had control over your life. You became proactive, started new businesses and hobbies and in general, you picked your shit together. You felt so powerful and mighty that you thought that it was the best feeling in the world. You love and respect yourself, have self-confidence and think that you are enough. But the problem is that you can’t do everything yourself. It’s like the quote by Werner Heisenberg which states ” The first gulp from the glass of natural sciences will turn you into an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you.” You realize that there are certain areas of your life where you need to lose control and give up control. Because you can’t do it by yourself and you need someone else to create something bigger than yourself. It’s like finding your purpose. Even though it is your purpose, it is in fact not your purpose but something that belongs to a higher force you believe in. And when you let go of control, you finally enter stage 3 – interdependent relationship ## **![couple on beach romantic setting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-romantic-relationships.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Interdependent relationship** And we have finally reached the best of the best, the type of relationship practiced only by 1% of the world population- the interdependent relationship. An interdependent relationship is a relationship where both sides are self-sufficient, love and respect themselves but decide to share their lives with someone else to create a synergistic effect which is bigger than the sum of their parts. And the easiest example for synergy I could give to you is having a baby. You have one male and one female (which is two people) who create a third person, a baby, which is something they couldn’t do by themselves alone. Interdependent relationships are a place of self-love and respect not only for yourself but towards the other person. You didn’t have to love the other person, you chose to love that person. [You deliberately let that person in your life and decide to share yourself](https://guycounseling.com/7-signs-youre-wrong-relationship/) in the relationship. This is the biggest difference between an independent and interdependent relationship. Independent people think they can do everything by themselves while interdependent people know that they can’t and carefully choose people who could have a synergistic effect on their lives. This is about choosing both with your head and with your emotions. If you love a girl but she has been a heroin addict for the past 3 years and has failed multiple rehab attempts, do you stay with that person? And if you do, is your relationship a codependent one where none of you can’t rely on her because the drugs are taking its toll? Not to say that you shouldn’t stick with people when they are having problems in life. On the contrary, you need to stick and help them but only if you see that there is a desire to change that. The last quote, or better yet axiom, I will use for this article is the famous Jim Rohn’s “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So be really careful with whom you spend it, because you will one way or another end up as those people. ## **Conclusion** We have seen the three different types of a relationship – codependent, independent and interdependent. Now you have a clear way how you can get to the interdependent relationship and you have seen the perks in that stage. So what are you waiting for? Get yourself moving to interdependent relationships in all areas of your life. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [Passion Vs Love And How To Have It In The Same Person](https://guycounseling.com/love-passion-same-person/) **Published:** February 27, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/dating-couple-love.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **How to love and have passion for the same person?** Want vs. Have – Passion vs. Love and the age-old question — Can we have both in the same person? We can and we can for sure. It is simple, but as sure as hell not easy. But to cover the how, we will need to cast a wider net of prerequisites needed to have passion and love, want and have for the same person. When we love someone, we not only love them with our hearts but with our minds as well. We share our lives with them, our value system, deepest secrets and feel safe with them. They, in turn, find the same things in us and the feeling is mutual. When we have a passion for someone, it means we are deeply attracted to them. This usually comes from fantasies, mystery and the image of the person we have in our heads. Also, a huge contributor here is the fact that we don’t “have” the other person so we get the thrill of the “hunt.” It is like the cat string effect. If the cat gets’s the string, it doesn’t want to play with it. But when the string is so close but yet out of hands reach, that’s when the cat wants to play with it so badly. It is possible to have both of these. It is possible to have the person, love them and for them to love us while at the same time having a huge lust for that person, wanting them so badly even years in a relationship of marriage. But to do that, we need a couple of elements onboard first. And to get there, we will start with something unusual – the second law of thermodynamics. ## **The Second Law of Thermodynamics** There is a quote by Leo Tolstoy at the beginning of Anna Karenina that states “All happy families are alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” With this, Tolstoy meant that happiness, in form or another, can be achieved by a relatively determined and defined set of actions, behaviors, thoughts and skills. While on the other hand, an unhappy family can be unhappy in a million different ways. All it takes is one single (crucial) thing to go wrong and everything crumbles down. Getting things wrong is easy, but getting them right is hard. Getting things right is simple, but not easy. Getting things right has a couple of ways, getting things wrong has a million. And even when we get them right, we need to keep them right and that’s how we came to the second law of thermodynamics. Ok, so first of all the second law of thermodynamics states that in an isolated system (which is a system where the energy of matter can’t enter or leave), the total entropy will never decrease and the process is irreversible. In plain English, that means that any isolated system which doesn’t receive new energy will slowly decay and perish. [And your relationship is the same thing](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/). It is subjected to the second law of thermodynamics and if you don’t pump new energy into it, it will decay and die off. So if you think of your relationship as something sure and secure, think again because according to the laws of physics (yes, you read that correctly), it will die if you don’t input yourself over and over again. And this is the first prerequisite for wanting and having the same person – realizing that you never have a sure thing but a constant process which requires constant energy input to survive and thrive. All of this is connected with the second prerequisite for wanting and having the same person and that is that you never actually have a person. ## **![cool guy with a girl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-326582.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Do you really have a person?** There is an old relationship axiom which goes something like “If you are ready to leave your relationship, it means that it’s a healthy relationship.” This can be misunderstood in a million different ways so let’s break it down. The quote from above says that you don’t consider a relationship as something stale, something which is a purpose for itself, but as a choice from two sides who want to accomplish more and do that through a relationship. You are not taking a relationship as something for granted which is there, but as we previously talked about, a constant process where a constant input of energy is required. Because if you don’t input energy, the law will kick in and you “lose” the person. With this in mind, you actually never “have” another person. They are simply deciding to [share a part of their lives with you](https://guycounseling.com/find-purpose-get-women/) and if you stop investing energy, they will simply leave. When you have something, it means it is yours and yours only. You get to decide what you can and want to do with it, but in a relationship do you really have your girlfriend? Do you really tell her all the things she will do and she complies with all of it? Of course not – because you don’t own another human being. They are sharing themselves with you. And this realization that you [actually don’t have them will spark a desire from your side](https://guycounseling.com/7-things-women-say-really-means/). Because you will need to take care of yourself for her and win her over and over again, you know, like on the first date. But do they really leave if you are not investing energy in your relationship? And with this question, we come to the third prerequisite for wanting and having the same person and that is an interdependent relationship. ## **Interdependent relationship** There is an entire article written on this exact topic so I won’t go into details here. Instead, I will just summarize and get the relevant parts that we need here. An interdependent relationship is a relationship where both sides are self-sufficient, love and respect themselves but decide to share their lives with someone else to create a synergistic effect which is bigger than the sum of their parts. For you to want and have the same person, they need to be able to actually grasp the concepts I wrote above. [If your girlfriend can’t understand the concepts above](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/), then you are probably not in an interdependent relationship, but in an independent or codependent relationship. If you are in any of those two, it will (and is) impossible to actually love and have a passion for the same person. Independent relationships lack love for the other person for something like that, while codependent relationships lack self-love, self-respect and want for the other half. The only way to actually want and have the same person is to be in an interdependent relationship. ## **![guy looking at a smiling girl in the pool](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-821042.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Practical advice** Okay, so now we talked about prerequisites for wanting and having the same person and you absolutely need these elements to successfully love the same person and at the same time have a passion for them. Now it’s time to see how this works in practical, everyday life. And for that to work in everyday life, we will talk about communication and emotional connection and we will start with the latter. ### **Emotional connection** For you to have an emotional connection with your partner, you need to create [meaningful moments](https://guycounseling.com/emotional-intelligence-will-get-girl/). They don’t have to be something big, they can be something ridiculously small. But they need to be big for you guys because you need to share emotions there. And it doesn’t have to be spoken or a therapy session, it can be a simple way of recognizing the emotional state of the other person and acting according to it. An example is that if you see your girlfriend dropping dead tired on the couch, but she glances on the sink and sees the dirty dishes, her look get’s even worse. What you do at that moment is that you stand up, get to the sink and do the dishes. You don’t need to say anything, you just do them. And at the end, a simple smile or a look in her eyes is all it will take for an emotional moment to occur and for a [connection between you to strengthen.](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/) Simple, but not easy. So keep an eye on her emotional state and according to it, create moments like these. ### **Communication** There are certain things which need to be talked about and if you are a guy, you kind of hate this. You are not good at talking about relationships stuff and [especially about feelings](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/) so you skip it all together. I know – I am a guy as well and even though I don’t like it, I know it’s absolutely crucial for a successful relationship to be able to properly communicate with my girlfriend. With communication, I mean even the deeper stuff and not only “how was your day” matters. The more you know your partner, the more you will understand how they operate. And there is one thing you will probably dislike, but nonetheless, it’s my favorite part of asking questions to my girlfriend and it puts me in the correct mindset is “Who approached you today?” I do this with a curious tone because I am really interested in this. And usually, there is a tone of guys trying to talk to my girlfriend which makes me really be on my toes and [keep up my game.](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) So on one hand, I know her deeply which creates the love feeling, while the other hand I learn about new options she receives almost daily which makes me step up my game and want her more. This last part works especially good for me, but maybe it won’t work for you. [Test it out and see how it goes.](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) ## **Conclusion** We covered the prerequisites needed to want and have the same person in a relationship and those were the second law of thermodynamics, not taking the relationship of the other person for granted because they can leave at any time and a stable interdependent relationship. When that is in place, we work on emotional connection and communication to achieve want and have, love and passion for the same person. If you need more information and data on this, I recommend you an amazing book on this topic by a champion in the relationship field called Esther Perel. The book is titled “[Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence](http://amzn.to/2BUU4CU)” and I highly suggest it. It kept Esther’s marriage going for 30 years and it can help you too. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships --- ### [How To Flirt With A Girl The Right Way](https://guycounseling.com/flirt-with-girl-works/) **Published:** March 1, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/stephen-cook-373395-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)A no BS way on how to flirt with a girl that works** A friend recently sent me an article that got a couple of hundred thousand hits and it was about flirting. I read the article and was appalled by what I’ve read. It was total crap and not only that, it doesn’t work in the field! If you flirt like that, you will never ever get the girl. I immediately remembered the times when I used to listen to advice like that, never get the girl and then wonder what is wrong with me. But no more. I am here to tell you that they were telling you bullshit and that they didn’t teach you how to flirt. So if we are done with the Cosmo tips & tricks on how to flirt with a girl, let’s actually go into a real way how to flirt with a girl. And this was tested and proven in the field and has an entire scientific background behind so it’s not only “let me tell you my experience” advice. If you flirt like this, it will work for sure. The article is divided into 10 lessons and every lesson has  3 parts: What it means – when does this behavior occur and how it looks like How to do it – tactics and step by step way of doing the behavior Why it works – explains why the behavior you will do actually work ## **1. Flip the frame** ### What it means: In the usual man to woman flirt, the guy is the one that needs to chase the girl and the girl is the reward. We should prove to the girl that we are worthy of her so she finally chooses us as worthy to be with her. Well, this is kind of bullshit. Yes, women do choose us at the end, but in no way are they the reward. And flipping the frame is all about that. [You make yourself the reward](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/). You are a badass guy who traveled around the world, had tons of girlfriends and crazy experiences. You don’t have a job or a career, [you have a calling](https://guycounseling.com/find-purpose-get-women/). Something which draws your entire soul towards it and is the focus of your life. Now, imagine all of that to be true for you (maybe it already is) and you are at this moment talking to the girl. Your value is so high that the entire frame is flipped and she is actually chasing you instead of the other way around. Now the flirt is totally different. ### How to do it: This is simple to do. You flip the frame by making her “qualify” herself to you in a flirt. You do this [by asking questions](https://guycounseling.com/killer-date-four-dimension/) like “You are gorgeous but so are many other girls here. Can you tell me 3 reasons why I should spend time with you but not any other girl here?” If she even starts to answer the questions, she is trying to qualify herself to you and you are in a position of higher value. She thinks you are [a great catch](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) and she wants you. Also, you can use what I like to call “girl” tactics here. You can invite her over for popcorns and a movie but only if she promises not to touch you. This sounds counter-intuitive but it works because you show her that she needs to work for you aka you are the reward here. ### Why it works: Because of evolutionary biology and psychology. When we were living in tribes, the way women tested your value aa man was behavioral. There was no excess of supplies or stuff around so the way they judged you were according to your behavior. This was done for some 70-80 000 years and even though we no longer live in tribes, this still stuck around because our brains aren’t fast enough to adapt to the world today. Our brains still think we live in tribes so they behave like that. Make yourself a reward and they will love it. ## **2. You don’t take life seriously** ### What it means: [Life is easy when you accept that life is hard](https://medium.com/@brunoboksic/life-becomes-easy-when-you-accept-that-its-hard-and-here-is-how-ebbe4d72c825). And when you can look at your life and not take almost any of it seriously, you will be magnetically attractive. And it will make you flirt like a boss! You will joke around with the things happening in your life and you won’t flinch when they are happening. When you flirt, you show her that your life is like a rollercoaster with great experiences and learning experiences but all of them are a part of life. ### How to do it: This is the second hardest thing to do on the list because you need to [be confident in yourself](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/) and your ability to deal with anything life throws at you. You know, you need to able to look at life like it’s a game. And here is a personal example how to do it. I was meeting with a friend and she brought along her sister and a couple of more friends who I didn’t know. I just came from what was supposed to be a date but wasn’t. I thought it was a date but she told me at the end of the night that she has a long-term boyfriend. I immediately told her “You do know that this is a date.” And she just gave me that puzzled look, and lower her head in embarrassment. I just laughed about it and walked that girl home. This was so funny to me that I just had to tell this story to my friend and her company. And I did that, showing that I don’t really take life seriously and as a result, my friend’s sister got super interested in me. When we started dating, later on, she told me that she was instantly turned on and interested in me because of that “embarrassing” story. ### ![guy and girl scream on rain](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/daniel-silva-gaxiola-482126-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Why it works: The only constant in the today’s world is change. And the sole definition of confidence is the [ability to deal with anything life throws at you.](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) When you don’t take life seriously, it means that you are sure in yourself and that no matter what happens, you will figure it out. This shows to the girl that you can lead through uncertainty and basically, that you push through anything life hits you with. It’s one of the most sought-after characteristics in a guy and when you flirt with the girl, use it. ## **3. Speak your mind** ### What it means: Don’t tell the girl only what she wants to hear in a flirt. Speak your mind and be confident in yourself and your judgment. Don’t adjust your character and personality according to what she wants and likes. [Be yourself and your own man](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) because that is the thing she will be attracted to. She doesn’t want a follower who will just tell her “Yes, ma’am.” She wants a man who will put his foot down from time to time. Sometimes that means you won’t get the girl, but that is like businesses with their target audience. When you pick your audience, you automatically exclude a certain audience. You will love this because you will only [attract the right caliber](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/) of girls, the ones you actually want. ### How to do it: “Where are we going tonight?”, the girl asks. “Wherever you want to.”, he responds. If you tell this to a girl, you lose her immediately. When speaking your mind, talk about your passion or a field you are really interested in or knowledgeable. Even if she states a contrary opinion towards that, keep your foot down. Sometimes, the girls just test you to see if you will comply with their requests. And inside, they are praying that you don’t comply because [they want a man, not a follower](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/). Also, this creates a small tension in the flirt. Talk about what you like and don’t change for anyone except for yourself. Also, girls love it when you state your opinion and don’t really care how the world and everyone around portrays that. ### Why it works: Almost all of the things on the list have a strong evolutionary biology and psychology background. And this one is not an exception. If you spoke your mind in the tribal times and the tribe didn’t like that, they would expel you from the tribe. And when you are expelled, it means that you are certainly dead. You lose food, water and shelter and your days are numbered in the harsh wilderness. So speaking your mind might lead to death. Imagine the courage of the guys who did it back then. Good. Now imagine the rewards they got when they actually took that risk and didn’t get expelled and you got your answer on why we did it. ## **4. Notice details** ### What it means: This is something in a flirt which is the easiest to do but has a huge effect. Noticing details on the girl means[ paying attention to her](https://guycounseling.com/fix-approach-anxiety/). And when you notice something extraordinary on her (not her ass or boobs or generally “you are pretty”), she will love it. Because girls are taking care of themselves sometimes for hours and they love when someone notices that. Luckily for you, most guys don’t. And you will immediately stick out of the crowd when you do it. Just a side note. It is almost never something big that she changes about her. It’s something small, but just enough for you to see it if you pay attention. Look at hair color turning more light or more dark, different earrings, new jacket or blouse, whitening her teeth, new shoes etc. ### How to do it: This will take some practice from your side because you will need to be present. You achieve [presence by meditating](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/) and being in the moment. Because when you are in the moment, you really notice things that you wouldn’t before. So if you practice meditation or any form of mindfulness, this will be super easy for you. How to actually do it with a girl is super easy. Just use the number 3 from the list and speak your mind. Tell her “Are those new earrings. They really go along with your style.” or “The new jacket really shows your great line. Nice one!” The complement or a statement just needs to be sincere and specific. Once a friend of mine spent a fortune on some Italian jacket and to me, it looked horrible so I told her that. She was pissed in the beginning, but she thanked me later for speaking my mind. ### Why it works: You are different than other guys. You don’t talk about how pretty she is, you talk about what makes her pretty. You do send the message of “I like that” but in a proper way. If everyone just wants a hot girl, but you [show attention to details,](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) it means you appreciate more in a girl then simply her ass, boobs or a pretty face. You like her because of who she is. Use things like this in a flirt and see the unbelievable results by yourself. ## **5. Touch people** ### What it means: There was once a [research done on infants](https://stpauls.vxcommunity.com/Issue/Us-Experiment-On-Infants-Withholding-Affection/13213) and the researchers wanted to see what would happen to children if they didn’t have anyone touch them. They had everything they needed, but nobody touched them. The experiment had to be stopped after 4 months because half of the babies died. We people need to be touched and it’s one of our most basic needs. And this doesn’t apply only to flirt situations. Most of us never actually learn how to touch others nor how to be a person comfortable with our bodies so that we can express that with other people. But if you can learn how to touch people (and I mean all people), you will have amazing results when it comes to flirting with girls. ### How to do it: How to flirt with a girl is about calibrating your touch or your kino, shortened from kinesthetic=body motion. All the fuss about kino is actually not about touching others, but the scale we use it on. Kino is all about calibration, which means how much you should touch, who and where. From the lightest and least dangerous one to the biggest, kino goes something like this: handshake, pat on the shoulder, a light push, a hug from the side, a full hug, touching hands, touching above hips, holding hands, kissing and so on and so on. I have kept it only at the basic ones here, the ones you use the most in everyday interactions. There is one difference with interaction with the same and different sex that you need to remember. If you are a guy and you flirt with a girl, stand directly in front of her. Same applies vice-versa. If you are a guy and you flirt with a guy, stand sideways of him. Same applies vice-versa. When you stand in front of someone, you take an active confrontational body language and the same sex as you will react defensive or aggressive on that. But the other sex will react openly towards that. You can use kino often in a flirt, but just make sure that it’s calibrated. By that I mean the following: You are just meeting another guy – do you go for a hug or for a handshake? Most of the times a handshake (depends from the culture and social circle). Some guys never hug and some guys only hug. We will talk about this more in the social savvy part. ### ![guy and girl dancing on roof](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/brooke-cagle-504497-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Why it works: Body language is simply an external representation of our emotional (internal) state. So we communicate with our bodies, whether we liked it or not. And even more, our [body language and touch](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) count to 55% of the communication the other side understands. So it’s not about the words in a flirt, it’s how you express them with your body (and tonality). ## **6. Make strong eye contact** ### What it means: When you look people in the eyes, it means that you are sure of yourself and sure about what you are saying. When you flirt and look her in the eyes,[ you are nonreactive](https://guycounseling.com/antifragile-banter-girl-win/) to anything she throws at you. You just told something and looked her in the eyes with a conviction of Spanish inquisitor, being sure about yourself and what you just said. Use this practice not only to flirt but generally in life. People who avoid contact are perceived as people who are nervous, have something to hide and don’t believe in things they say. So avoid that like the plague. ### How to do it: Do you know the difference between a creepy guy that stars and a confident man who looks you in the eyes? It’s 2 seconds. It’s all it takes. A mere 2 seconds difference in looking in their eyes is what creates a different vibe. A good rule of thumb for eye contact is 1-2 seconds and then look away. Or you can use “the staring competition” tactic. It happens when you flirt with a girl and you look her in the eyes and she looks you back and your eyes meet up. Then the question comes, who will look away first? You should never be the person who looks away first, just wait for her to do that. But as soon as she looks away, you can (and need) to break eye contact as well. Or you will [appear creepy](https://guycounseling.com/asking-last-name-first-date-ok/) and nobody likes a creep. Practice method: Walk down the street (during the daytime) and spot a girl which is heading towards you. Look her in the eyes and lock that eye contact. Do this for just a couple of seconds (3-5), don’t say anything and see how they will react. If you get a “hi” response or a slight smile, you did it correctly. ### Why it works: The eyes are the window to the soul. And again, when we look at someone else in the eyes, we are first of all showing them one of our most vulnerable parts of our bodies – an open eye. The second thing is that we are risking our awareness of the surroundings by only looking at that person and basically ignoring everything else around us. In the tribal times, this would be a super risky move because you never knew what lurked around you and you had to be aware all the time. ## **7. Be socially savvy and calibrated** ### What it means: Guys brag about the hotness of their girl. Girls brag about the coolness of their guy. And by coolness, they mean the ability to adapt to social situations and appear on top of them. That means to be socially savvy. It means that you understand when to be serious, when to [crack a joke](https://guycounseling.com/7-things-women-say-really-means/), when to crack multiple jokes, when to excuse yourself from the group, how to move the crowd, where to move the crowd, how to talk to her boss, her guy friends, her girlfriends, her parents but also her overly protective older brother and deviant younger sister. And to be socially savvy, you need to understand the environment you are in and calibrate yourself towards that. ### How to do it: There are 3 levels of calibration. Internal calibration, which is all about how you feel and the [congruency of how you feel with how you behave. ](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/)We all start here on this level and deal at first with the way we feel in a situation and try to either embrace that or somehow try to hide it. The second level of calibration is the external calibration. This is no longer about you and your emotions. It’s now about her and her emotional state. So you adjust your behavior (social savvy) according to what she shows and responds. If she is bored or disinterested, you push jokes, do a more aggressive kino, get closet to her and draw her in. If she is super interested and leaned in the conversation, then you can take a chill pill and lay back in the conversation. This will take a lot of experience but don’t quit because you will get there. You can and you will become better at reading her emotional signals. And then, there is the third level of calibration. This is where you become a master, where the girls love you and where you flirt like a boss. The third level of calibration is environmental calibration. This is where it’s no longer about you, her or you and her. This is about you, her and the environment and this is what I mean by that. Let’s say you are with your girl in a disco and you start making out with her. That is cool. Let’s say you are with your girl in a disco and your friend is with you and he just broke up with his girlfriend. Will you make out with your girl now? Highly unlikely. Or you see a cute barista and you want to talk to flirt with her and get her number. When she is behind the counter or has her boss next to hear, that is a really bad and not socially savvy thing to do from your side. You either wait until the boss is not there and even better, get her to come to your table to remove yourself from “the customer” frame. You are no longer a customer which gets a grande caffe latte, you are that funny guy Joe who comes here after his workout. Environmental calibration is something you can reach, but you need years of practice. Again, just keep doing it and you will get there. I keep telling myself the same thing. It is hard, but it’s so worthy when you know how to behave in almost every social interaction to get what you want. ### ![5 people speaking at dinner](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/antenna-502693-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Why it works: Again, it works because girls [judge guys according to their behavior.](https://guycounseling.com/emotional-intelligence-will-get-girl/) And your behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it happens around other people and the world. And every girl wants a guy who knows what to do and how to behave. It is the characteristic which makes you a leader and a socially savvy guy who read emotions and acts according to them. You would want someone like this to be your friend but also to be your girlfriend. We love people with high emotional intelligence and they always give us what we need at that moment. It’s like they can read our minds – social savviness tends to do that. ## **8. Break rapport** ### What it means: This is also counter-intuitive in a flirt but works like a charm. At the start of this journey, we talked about flipping the frame and making you the reward. One variation of that is breaking rapport. What every single “expert” suggests is to establish rapport and yes, that is important, but nobody talks about breaking rapport. Breaking rapport means that you try to disqualify her and certain characteristics or personality traits of her so that she appears as a poor match for you. This makes you appear as non-needy and makes girls actively chase you because they look at you as a guy with high value. Because [if you can rejec](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/)t girls in your life, it means that you have a plethora of them. That means that there is something about you that they find irresistible and then the girl needs to check it out. ### How to do it: “You are cute and everything, but I don’t know. I still don’t trust you.” “I love you and I want to marry you. But you are a red-head and I don’t deal with red-heads. They are \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (insert any adjective you feel fits the picture like tough, sneaky, overly sexual, too prude, too aggressive in bed etc.)” “You are great and all, but you live in Brooklyn.” You break rapport in a flirt by finding any dissimilarities between you two and putting it up as an insurmountable obstacle. If she tries to break it down, it means you are doing great in a flirt. Don’t use rapport breaking immediately in a flirt, wait for at least a minute for you two to establish some kind of rapport. In the beginning, there is nothing to break because there is no rapport. Rule of thumb: First build, then break. Rinse and repeat. ### Why it works: When you break rapport, it means [you are non-needy](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/) for that girl. You flirt with her but you show her by breaking rapport that she is not the only girl in the world. And that you have plenty of them waiting for you. Because you believe that you are a catch (number 1 on the flirt list). Girls sense this kind of behavior and are immediately drawn to it because they want to know what makes you so interesting to other girls (social proof). Some people talk about outcome independence here and the paradox of how when you want something, you never get it. But when you don’t want it, it comes almost by itself. Flirt with the girl and don’t forget to break rapport, she will want you even more because of that. ## **9. Don’t take anything she says seriously** ### What it means: When you take care of the lesson number 2 from the list (you don’t take life seriously), then you can apply it to her life as well. Girls will speak and they will probably speak a lot. And your job in a flirt is not to take any of it seriously. First of all, the communication rule of 7-38-55 states that we portray the message 7% with words, 38% with our tonality and 55% with our body language. So don’t take her words for granted and think that [she wants what she tells you she wants](https://guycounseling.com/7-things-women-say-really-means/). You need to remove the words and see the underlying behavior behind the words and act according to it. ### How to do it: She might speak about something serious and you just look at her with a smirk or a short smile and make the eyes go “aaah honey.” You know what I am talking about. The attitude you need in a flirt is “oh really, tell me more honey.” It’s slightly putting her off and she will sometimes express that, but she will actually love it. And you should continue doing that. ### ![guy piggyback riding a girl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/freestocks-org-250395-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Why it works: It works because you show her that you are unaffected by her experiences and keep your cool. Also, it shows her that you are a socially savvy guy (number 7 on the list) and that you understand what she needs and give her that, instead of what she wants. ## **10. Tease her – Man to Woman interaction** ### What it means: When you want to flirt with a girl, you need to show that in the initial interaction. And by that, I mean that you need to have a man to woman interaction. This is something David Deida talked about a lot and you should [check out his book called](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) “The Way of a Superior Man” A man to woman interaction in the flirt means that you need [to tease her](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) (a bit, don’t overdo it) and that you need to make it funny, not in an attacking mode. ### How to do it: I left this until the end because it depends on your delivery and you need to be sure to look her in the eyes (number 6 on the list) and that you communicate to her that there is more to the words. The real message is behind the words that you are communicating and she loves that game. She steps into the arena with you and then you banter back and forth with silly words. While at the same time, you are making a man to woman interaction and connection underneath the surface. Make sure to include touch (number 5 from the list) when making jokes or teasing her. That will give her a sense of security while at the same time make her think “does he really like me” because you send her a few mixed signals. If you are a guy reading this, then you know how mixed signals play with our minds. The secret is that when you flirt like this, the mixed signals get into her head as well. ### Why it works: I really want you to read David Deida’s “The Way of a Superior Man” to get the nuances of man to woman interactions. But long story short – masculine and feminine energy need to balance themselves out (imagine it like yin and yang). A guy usually have more masculine energy and girls usually have more feminine energy. When you engage in a banter and tease her, those energies start to move around and are being transferred into an open field where you can sense them (even though we usually can’t describe them). And that is what creates a tension and the flirt. ## **Conclusion** We have covered a lot in this “no BS how to flirt with girls” guide. The 10 lessons we learned were: 1\. Flip the frame 2\. You don’t take life seriously 3\. Speak your mind 4\. Notice details 5\. Touch people 6\. Make strong eye contact 7\. Be socially savvy and calibrated 8\. Break rapport 9\. Don’t take anything she says seriously 10\. Tease her – Man to Woman interaction Flirt using these elements and you will succeed. And if you still think you need more information, then I will suggest you these readings. They helped me and that’s why I recommend it. 1\. Neil Strauss – The Game 2\. Neil Strauss – The Truth 3\. David Deida – The Way of a Superior Man 4\. Mark Manson – Models 5\. Mark Manson – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck 6\. Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements 7\. Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now **Categories:** Dating, Guy Skills, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [You Want A Girlfriend? Read This First](https://guycounseling.com/want-girlfriend-read-this-first/) **Published:** March 4, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![man looking across the lake into the mountains](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/joshua-earle-33443-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)10 reasons to consider before getting a girlfriend** You googled a phrase “I need a girlfriend” and you come from a pretty dark place right now. You are feeling down, thinking that the problems you currently have will be fixed by a girlfriend. And I know how you feel. I’ve been there multiple times. But before you jump into it, hear me out for a couple of minutes. Unfortunately, my friend, I am here to tell you that your problems probably won’t be fixed by getting a new girlfriend. In fact, here are 10 reasons you need to consider first before going into any relationship and getting a girlfriend. Even though you might be nodding your head in disagreement right now, you will be grateful for this advice in the future. Because it will prevent you from getting a girlfriend for the wrong reasons. And a relationship on shaky foundations is doomed to fail. In fact, we all know how much breakups hurt so let’s just prevent that from the start. So just read these 10 reasons you need to consider before getting a girlfriend first, and then decide if you actually need a girlfriend right now. Okay? Great! Here we go. ## **1. Are you making a decision from a high point, not a low point?** This doesn’t apply just to the “getting a girlfriend” situation. This is something you should be practicing for every important aspect of your life. And getting a girlfriend is definitely one of them. So what does this mean? It means that you don’t make a decision when you are at a low point in life. Because that usually means that your judgment is clouded by your current emotional state. And at low moments in your life, you are feeling kind of shitty. In getting a girlfriend situation, this would be a time when you are a dance floor at some party and everyone has a girl to dance to except you. At that moment, you feel alone or you [feel rage, embarrassment, anger, frustration and simply not very good.](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/) Any decision you make at that moment is a byproduct of your current crappy emotional state- and by that, you make sure that the decision is not something you really want. It is simply a reaction. You should make a decision about getting a girlfriend in a comforting environment, where you are calm and collected and when you can actually see clearly why you need or don’t need a girlfriend. It maybe sounds ridiculous to you right now, but these simple techniques are powerful beyond imagination. All you need to do is act upon them. ## **2. Do you know what you seek?** Getting a girlfriend is a quiet question to answer to. You simply say yes or no. But the answer to the question “What kind of girlfriend you seek” is a really difficult one. Because here you need to describe your perfect girlfriend, tell yourself what she looks like, how she smells, what she loves and doesn’t love, her small quirks and ticks which you will love and hate at the same time. Ok, I am getting a bit more into the details than I should but you get the point. She needs to have the same value system as you do which doesn’t mean that you need to do the same thing. But she needs to be able to understand you. But here is the catch. For you to know what she will be, you need to know what you want. And for you to know what you want, you need to explore yourself. To explore yourself, you need to become self-aware of who you are, what you want to become, what are your dreams and visions for the future, [how you imagine your perfect world](https://guycounseling.com/find-purpose-get-women/) and in that, where does a girlfriend fit in. These are all tough questions that you need to answer, but they rewarding. And after you know who you are and what you want to do in life, you can easily articulate to yourself do you want a girlfriend in your life and if you do, what kind of a girlfriend. ## **![guy looking down](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/dark.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)3. Are you taking in social pressure from friends and family?** We have a saying where I live that when you hit a certain number of years and you are still not married, almost everyone from your family starts saying to you “It’s time.” In my native language, it speaks as “Vrijeme ti je” which literally translated means “It’s time for you to….” and with this, it means that it’s time to get a girlfriend and get married. Even though most of the civilized world lives freely, we are still influenced by our culture, parents, grandparents and the environment we are a part of. There is no question about it. But if you are getting a girlfriend only to please someone out there or satisfy a cultural norm, then please stop. You are doing yourself and your girlfriend a disservice and it will just lead to a crappy relationship which will either end up as a breakup or worse – end up as a crappy marriage. It’s a game of [how to catch a cheater.](https://mspylite.com/) So if you are pressured to get a girlfriend, tell everyone subtly to f\*\*\* off and do your own thing. ## **4. Are you suffering from loneliness or aloneness?** There is a big difference in these two. Loneliness is the unavailability of people to communicate with on any level. Aloneness, however, is the unavailability of someone to communicate with at your level of awareness. Most guys are trying to solve aloneness by applying solutions for loneliness. You know those guys who just from one girlfriend to another, always having someone by their side by never having them stick. Well, that is the case of someone trying to solve aloneness or their inability to find someone who can understand them by using solutions that solve loneliness or simply having someone else there. And in this case, [no one is sometimes better than someone.](https://guycounseling.com/three-mask-men-hide/) When you just a girlfriend because you don’t want to feel alone, then by definition you mustn’t get a girlfriend. That is the time you need to use to explore yourself and figure out why you feel like that. When you solve the problem of loneliness, then you will be free to find a real connection, someone who can understand you. And then, and only then, will be the right time to find a girlfriend. ## **5. Do you know your life’s priorities?** Getting a girlfriend to just get a girlfriend is a problem itself. When you have your life’s priorities straightened out, then you can find a girlfriend which fits into that picture. The priority number 1 in your life should never be your girlfriend. It should be your vision, mission and life’s purpose. Let me just break this down a little bit. You don’t want a girlfriend, you want what you think a girlfriend will give you. And that is happiness and joy. But the thing is that the only place you will find true happiness and joy in your life is in you. [When you figure out what you want to do,](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) that will be your guiding star in life and you will pursue it. And that will be your priority in life. When you just want a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, you will get lost on your way. That always leads to break-ups and misery in general. Because you longer have any idea who you actually are. But by having your purpose in check and pursuing it as a priority in life, you will find a great girlfriend which fits into that kind of lifestyle. ## **6. Did you try some fish in the sea?** By the research of many positive psychologists like Martin Seligman and Daniel Gilbert, we are totally delusional when it comes to thinking what will make us happy. We think we want something and that it will make us happy and only when we get it, we figure out that it didn’t make us happy. Even worse, it made us feel way unhappier because now there isn’t anything to strive for and we need to reinvent ourselves. When you think you want a girlfriend and a girlfriend with exactly these kind of perks and characteristics, you might be so wrong and you didn’t even know it. So the best thing is to actually go out there and see what you like. Don’t go into a deep, serious relationship when you are 17 and think that “this is it!” You haven’t even seen what is out there nor what you truly like. You have nothing to compare it with. It took me years to figure out what I really want in a girlfriend and that was [mostly figuring out what do I really want.](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/) You need to explore yourself with other people to figure out what you really want so maybe getting a girlfriend right now is not the best move. You should try out casual relationships with girls to see what you like and dislike so that you actually know what you are interested in. ## **![guy looking at a smiling girl in the pool](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-821042.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)7. Do you love yourself?** This is a big one because will be like “what kind of question is this? Of course that I love myself.” But the thing is that most people actually don’t. Most people are seeking someone else, their “better halves” to fulfill them, to give them meaning and a purpose. Most people don’t love themselves so they are desperately trying to find someone out there will give them the love they can’t provide to themselves. And when they do find a girlfriend out there, someone who is in an equal search for someone who they would love because they can’t do it for themselves, then those people create a [dependent relationship.](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/) One person is usually a victim and the other one is a savior. One person needs to put all the blame on themselves to feel worthy of love while the other constantly needs to save someone to feel worthy of love. These kinds of relationships are doomed to fail. So ask yourself the question “Am I getting a girlfriend just because I want someone to love me?” If the answer to this question is yes, then you shouldn’t get a girlfriend. ## 8. Do you need a girlfriend or a rebound? If you just got out from a long-term relationship, then you absolutely don’t need a new girlfriend. [You, my friend, need to flirt with a rebound.](https://guycounseling.com/flirt-with-girl-works/) A good old one-night stand. You have just spent so much time with a single person and didn’t end up well. No matter who broke it up, there are still so many unresolved issues and residual emotions lying around. So first of all, it would be unfair to any other girl if you just jumped with her in a new relationship. Any girlfriend doesn’t want to share their guy with someone else, especially when the sting of the past relationship is still so strong. Taking that into consideration, you just need some alone and fun time! And there is nothing wrong in having one-night stands, [just make something else a habit.](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) So ask yourself if you actually want and need a girlfriend right now, or would a rebound and a one-night stand do the trick? ## ![cool guy with a girl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-326582.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)9. Are you ready to commit to one? This is for you workaholics out there (myself included). A girlfriend isn’t a masturbation device. It’s a human being with its wants and needs and you need to able to fulfill them. Committing to a girlfriend means finding the time to actually be in a relationship. If you are used to thinking only about your plans for summer and vacations, having free time to do this and that, randomly exploring things – well that needs to be considered now. If you want to commit to a girlfriend, you need to realize that your time now needs to be shared with your girlfriend. And this is something many of us kind of don’t want. Because a relationship [is not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s hard work! Even though it’s worth it](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/), you need to allocate time to it. And if you are the one who is a master time manager or just enjoy your freedom way too much (as I do), you need to re-read the list above. Because if you are sacrificing your time and freedom, then you need to be sure that this girl is the right kind of girlfriend. ## 10. Do you actually want to share your life with someone? This is the last thing on our list because all of the above reasons are prerequisites for this one. At the end of the day, having a girlfriend means sharing your life with someone else. Not just the good things, but the bad things as well. Being there when it’s the hardest not just for you, but for her as well means a lot. You are sharing everything you are with someone else and it feels liberating and scary at the same time. Some people are never ready for this, thinking that the [other person won’t love them for who they truly are.](https://guycounseling.com/love-passion-same-person/) So they hide in short, meaningless relationships and avoid any kind of deep connection. And to be honest with you, you will probably never be ready for something like this. There will always be a hint of doubt no matter how great your girlfriend is. But the trick here is to think and go through the fear. If you are willing to share everything you are with someone else and stick around, then you should get a girlfriend. But to come here takes so much work and unfortunately, that work needs to be done alone. Jim Rohn said it the best ” The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.” ## **Conclusion** We have been through a lot in this article. We have covered 10 reasons you need to consider before getting a girlfriend. The 10 reasons are: 1\. Are you making a decision from a high point, not a low point? 2\. Do you know what you seek? 3\. Are you taking in social pressure from friends and family? 4\. Are you suffering from loneliness or aloneness? 5\. Do you know your life’s priorities? 6\. Did you try some fish in the sea? 7\. Do you love yourself? 8\. Do you need a girlfriend or a rebound? 9\. Are you ready to commit to one? 10\. Do you actually want to share your life with someone? I believe you managed to get your answer in these reasons and that it will help you make the best decision. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships, Self-Esteem --- ### [Is My Girlfriend Really a Psycho?](https://guycounseling.com/psycho-girlfriend-what-to-do/) **Published:** March 14, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![Millennials](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/young-man-stressed.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Let’s talk about psycho-girlfriends and what that really means.**  Do you have a psycho girlfriend? Are you friends with someone who is struggling with this issue? Curious about what to do? If you are answering yes to any of the above, you wouldn’t be alone. In the normal course of conversation, this topic comes up frequently among men. This article is designed to explore the matter and move about the business of helping you to figure out options. But it’s worth mentioning now – the term psycho-girlfriend has many negative connotations – with good reason. The problem is too many of us have adopted it into our regular vernacular and it has become a kind of slang. In truth, we need to stop using these words. Perhaps by the end of this article, you will be convinced as to why. But for now, let’s explore this issue with the language that brought you here in the first place. ## **How did I attract this woman into my life?** You see, there is an old quote that goes “You attract what you are” or “Like attracts like.” This is the premise of the Law of Attraction. The people behind this quote use a lot of woo-woo terminologies which are purely subjective. So I won’t go into the woo-woo thingies. I will use hard facts and science to show you that yes, you really attract what you are. Our brain is bombarded at every single moment by millions of bits of information. In truth, we can only process around 40 bits at the same time. So what does our brain do with all of that excess data? I’ll tell you what happens – it purposefully stops certain information from being absorbed. And the easiest way to prove this is to look around your room right now and spot everything that is orange. You did? Good. Now close your eyes and tell me everything that is green in the room. You couldn’t? Of course not. Because you actively told your brain to search only for the orange things in the room, not the green ones. Your mind actually saw the green things, **but they weren’t processed by the brain**. The part of your brain which does this is called RAS or Reticular Activation System. It’s like Saint Peter who guards the entrance to Heaven. Only the worthy shall pass. But what is worthy to pass you ask? The things you tell your brain. Simple as that. And that is the science behind the Law of Attraction. But Bruno, what does all of this have to do with my psycho girlfriend? Well, my friend, it means that on some level you actually want a psycho girlfriend. And before you close this article thinking that I am talking nonsense here, please stay until the end. You will have a clearer mind after reading it. ## **How did I get into this mess?** There was a case a couple of years ago where a young guy faked lunacy to get out of a prison sentence. But by faking it, he actually showed to his therapists how his mind works. And a sane mind wouldn’t even think about a “solution” like that, which just proved to them that he actually has “a pinch” of lunacy within him. So how did you even get a psycho girlfriend? By doing just that – you have projected your own lunacy (one way or another) onto your so called psycho girlfriend. You went into a bar or a disco and searched for a certain type of girl. Maybe you wanted someone who knows [how to spy on text messages](https://www.mspy.com/text-message-spy.html), is spontaneous, a bit crazy and [flirty by nature](https://guycounseling.com/flirt-with-girl-works/). Or you wanted a stable person, with a 9-5 job. It really depends on you, but the signs are there. You are either deliberately closing an eye to it or you subconsciously want a psycho girlfriend. If it’s the first thing, you really need to use your brain instead of your…. you know what, to make the judgment of having this girl as your (psycho) girlfriend. Because a “psycho girlfriend” can be fun… until she isn’t. So the first thing is to look at the cause, not the effect. You need to ask yourself why the hell are you even attracting a psycho girlfriend or girlfriends. And to be honest, my friend, the answer almost always lies within you. But what is actually a psycho girlfriend? ![psycho girlfriend](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/girlfriend-cheated.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Is it really fair to use the term “psycho-girlfriend? ## **A profile of a psycho girlfriend** The problem is that we define a really wide type of behavior as psycho girlfriend behavior. She looks at [your phone while you type a message](https://guycounseling.com/7-things-women-say-really-means/). Is that psycho girlfriend behavior or just insecurity? She checks upon you by calling your phone a couple of times. Is that psycho girlfriend behavior or is she just worried about your safety? She calls your mother out for lunch after your first date. Does that mean she’s off or…. okay, this really is crazy girlfriend behavior. But the thing here is that we are fast to judge or brand someone a”psycho” for the things that are not so crazy. A girl can be insecure or frustrated or simply jealous, **but that doesn’t make her a psycho girlfriend**. You might have other definitions or checklists to see if you are dealing with this situation, but in all sincerity, a true psycho girlfriend is someone who has a mental disorder and/or is violent with you. That is at least by my book, what qualifies for the definition. The problem is we men have misused the term so much that it has taken on meanings it never should have. Moreover, it’s terribly misogynistic and plays into stereotypes. Seriously, it does.  If you really want to know what it means to have a psychotic break, read this article from the [National Alliance on Mental Health](https://www.nami.org/earlypsychosis). ## How to deal I will use the quote by Tony Robbins here “Kill the monster while it’s small.” He said this when he talked about bad [habits and behaviors](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/), but it can be used for a relationship with a “crazy” girlfriend as well. I am suggesting you kill the relationship as soon as possible! You need to get away from that person before she becomes even more attached. Because the more attached she is, the more it will take to get away. And anyone who is truly mentally unbalanced cane be hard to get away from. If you are already stuck in there and you think that the abrupt halt to the relationships would mean a lot of damage to you, then you only have one option. And that is to make yourself as undesirable as possible. I don’t even have to tell you how to do this because every guy, deep down himself (and some on the surface), knows what he needs [to do to become undesirable.](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) But let’s move and see how to prevent this in the future ## **Future steps** The moment you start working on yourself is the moment you will stop attracting unhealthy people to you. Because these girls usually have their lives in a complete and utter mess (perhaps like you). So if you happen to be a guy who wants to attract stability, **you need to be living a stable life**. By doing so, you will be better able to detect “bad” connections in your life. Because why would you tolerate something like that? [You are a high-value guy who only deserves the best out there](https://guycounseling.com/want-girlfriend-read-this-first/) and you don’t want to spend your time, energy, money or nerves onto someone who is going to make your life miserable. There is more (and better) fish in the sea so move along. But you need to get your own life together before anything else. This may mean dealing with your own issues, [like depression and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). After you do this, things will change. Because the new girl you meet will be like the green things in a room – something out there in the world but not on your radar. ## **Conclusion** I’ll start where I began. The term “psycho-girlfriend” is a really negative term. As men, we shouldn’t use it. But if you insist on referring to your mate in this way, perhaps it’s time to look in the mirror. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships --- ### [How To Break Up With a Girl The Right Way](https://guycounseling.com/breaking-up-the-right-way/) **Published:** March 29, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![breaking up](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/adult-attractive-beautiful-289222.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Breaking up with your girlfriend.** If there was a scale of difficult conversations, it would go from 1 to “Breaking-Up-With-Your-Girlfriend” Nobody likes breaking up – it is one of the toughest conversations you will ever have. There are tears everywhere, emotions spiking left and right, sometimes even objects being thrown, things breaking down and people crumbling on the floor. But as Tim Ferris said it: “A person’s [success in life can usually be measured](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” And break up is always an uncomfortable conversation. But there are right ways to do it and the wrong ways. I will help you out today to find the right ways of doing it. But I warn you, by doing this you will make it right, but it still won’t be easy. It will never be easy and you absolutely need to prepare for that. Breakup approaches are generally divided by the length of the relationship – even though the most accurate division would be according to the level of intimacy and comfort in a relationship. These two mostly overlap so I will use the level of intimacy as the main division but I will give approximates of the length of the relationship with that. ## **1. Breaking up in the Get To Know Each Other phase – 1 month or less** This phase lasts less than 1 month and people, most of the time, feel that this is still not a relationship. They consider this as a “we have been a couple of dates” kind of a relationship. If you are in this phase, it is still NOT acceptable to break up over a text message. Yes, you do not know each other that well and you have simply been on a couple of dates to get to know each other. But still, don’t break up over a text message or even worse, don’t ghost on her. If you just run and avoid all communication, it will backfire, one way or another. Instead, what you could do is to break up over the phone, Skype or even live. The reasons behind this breakup are not deep since you still didn’t form a deep relationship. So you can just go with: “Hey Ana, I had a great time with you in the [past couple of dates](https://guycounseling.com/killer-date-four-dimension/). But I think we are not a great fit at the moment. I hope that you won’t take any of this personal – since you are a great person. Good luck in the future and take care. -Bruno” Breaking up after only a couple of dates is common because people get to know each other and figure out that the initial perception of them wasn’t the one they want or need or suits them at the moment. But let’s move on to the more difficult ones, shall we? ## **![sad women breaking up looking down](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/beautiful-blur-blurry-172366.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)2. Breaking up in the Honeymoon phase – 1-3 months of dating** You went on a couple of dates and you both went crazy for each other. [Passion and sparks](https://guycounseling.com/love-passion-same-person/) appear to be everywhere, the sex is crazy and you just can’t seem to take your hands off each other. And that is the famous honeymoon phase, but as we all know it, it ends after a month or two of a relationship. When it ends, then your mind gets back to its usual self. You longer see her as this amazing person who you just want to see, touch, and feel for the rest of your life – you see her just as Joanne, the nice girl but nothing else. And you realize that the all the crazy feelings you had were just your mind playing tricks on you- the honeymoon phase. Breaking up right after the honeymoon phase is where most relationships end so you shouldn’t feel guilty for the ideas you had about the two of you during that time – your mind worked in a different way. Okay, but how to end a relationship which just came out of the honeymoon phase? The deeper the connection, the harder it will be to break up. And here, it’s all about the future. It would be a really good idea to do a break up in person here. Even though you “only” had the honeymoon phase, there are still feelings there which the both of you need to dismantle. And the best way for this is to focus solely on the future (or the lack of it) in your relationship. “Hey Joanne, I really had a great time with you. These 2 months were amazing and I enjoyed every second I had with you. But looking at our future, I only really see uncertainty. We did have a great time (remember that crazy night in Cabo) but I think it is for the best to leave it at that. Even though our relationships came to end, I still really appreciate the time we spent together and hope that you share my feelings.” Just be honest and speaking from your heart, focus on the future. Sometimes does relationship feel so right at the moment, but you know are so wrong in the long run. Maybe she has a [mental disorder](https://guycounseling.com/psycho-girlfriend-what-to-do/) and you are all about stability as a professor in high-school. Even though you hit it off, in the beginning, it doesn’t mean it would (and should) last. Cherish the time you had together and move on. But about breaking up with someone after you went through the honeymoon phase and you still liked time and planned a future with them? Enter the Event phase. ## **3. Breaking up in the Events phase – 4-12 months of dating** This is where you have a serious and committed relationship. The initial honeymoon phase passed you both by and you stuck around. You actually developed strong feelings for this girl and are in a relationship where you both know each other. This is the time where you both know who the other person that came into the relationship is, but the time where you explore what kind of a person you become in this relationship. Because both of you will somehow change your thoughts, feelings, moods, ideas, behaviors, and plans in the relationship and every single relationship is different. That is why we have the event phase. In the event phase, you start planning and creating joint adventures and experiences. Like the Tuesday nights at the Dennies or a monthly trip to a rock-climbing event. Or simply hanging out with your or her friends. This is about the calibration of the two independent individuals who [come into a relationship and see how they will synergize.](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/) And the things is, that even though you have two great persons together, sometimes the relationship between them doesn’t work. And the way that you break up here is by framing it into the relationship mold. By that, I mean that probably the reason why you two are breaking up isn’t because of the other person, it’s because of the relationship and the way you two simply don’t fit together. “Hey Mary, what I am about to tell you will suck and there is no going around it. I believe that this relationship doesn’t work. There isn’t anything tangible I can say to you why it doesn’t work. Oh God, I would love if there was a thing that you need to stop or start doing to fix this, but there truly isn’t. It’s just that this between us isn’t working and even though I really cherish you, I think that we need to break up.” Don’t expect this to go light and smooth – because it won’t. And it will hurt you as well. Don’t try to gush those feelings in, express them. Let her know that even though you are breaking up, you still care for her. Provide the much needed emotional comfort while at the same time telling her that it’s over. But what about the breakups where everyone thought the two would get married? ## **![sad women abotu breaking up](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/art-blur-close-up-580631.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)4. Breaking up in the Habit phase – 1-year of dating and more** This is not only the habit phase – it’s a hell phase when you need to break up. Because you are literally losing a part of yourself like a gecko loses its tail. Yes, it will grow back up, but it will take time and it will never be the same. A friend recently told me that after a year of dating you either marry the girl, because you know everything there is to know about her, or you break up, because you know everything there is to know about her. He married [his girlfriend](https://guycounseling.com/want-girlfriend-read-this-first/). But the point is that here your girlfriend and your relationship becomes an intrinsic part of your life. The things you two do together is for quite some time a part of your everyday life and losing that part is a big blow. While breaking up here, remember that you had time to prepare and exercise that in your head, but she didn’t. So prepare for it to last a while. Always do this kind of breakups live, somewhere in private and expect it to last for hours. Because it will and it will suck. But you need to do it. There is no script here that you can take with you and no cheat sheets- you will need to tell her how you feel and acknowledge the fact that this hurts – but that you still think it’s the right thing to do. Hug her, tell her that you still care for her but that your relationship has ended. And then let go and go home. You will also need time for the feelings to pass you through. ## **It’s difficult, but it needs to be done** Breaking up is always difficult because it’s a short-term pain for a long-term gain and even when you use the right way, it won’t get easier. But as the quote from the beginning said: “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships --- ### [What To Do When You Want to Date a Hookup](https://guycounseling.com/why-date-hookup-10-simple-advices-how-to/) **Published:** April 23, 2018 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ## **![cool guy with a girl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-326582.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Why should or shouldn’t you date a hookup** Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left but then, suddenly, there is a cute girl on the picture. She has a seductive but cute face and you instantly got attracted to her so you swipe right. After a couple of messages here and there, you two meet up for a coffee which leads to a bar and “just one drink.” A couple of drinks later, you are leading her back to your apartment, opening the door, passionately kissing her on the neck while she tears your clothes apart. You experience the best sex and probably the best night of your life then. She completely rocked your world. Fast forward to the next day. You can’t stop thinking about that girl. You feel like she has it all – brains, a great body and an unlimited desire for you which literally spill from her eyes as soon as she sees you. You go from “this is going to be a great hookup” to “I really want to date this girl.” You are left confused as to what to do now. Do you talk to her or ignore her, is it just your imagination playing with you or do you really like, do you text her for a hookup or call her up for a date? So many questions, so much confusion. I know, I’ve been there and that’s why I will help you with this decision. We will first determine if you really want to date the girl and then proceed to the 10 ways you can turn a hookup into a relationship. Because most of the times I’ve done this, it appeared that guys actually don’t want a relationship, they want comfort or have some other undiagnosed needs. That’s why I have the checklist to help you determine if you really want this. Here is checklist I’ve used for years to determine if I really want to date this girl or is keeping her as a hookup a better option. ## Hookup turned dating checklist ### 1. Is it the honeymoon phase? You know the moment you meet a girl and you feel like she is the only one in the world for you. You see all of her beauty and you’re simply mesmerized by everything she does without noticing any of her flaws. Welcome to the Honeymoon phase. The Honeymoon phase is where you’re just getting to know her and you think your hookup is super cool. But if I would ask you to name her flaws (and trust me, everyone has flaws), would you be able to do it. When our hormones are raging and we believe we have found “the one,” what in fact happens is that we’re blinded by the Honeymoon phase. Take a bit of your time to truly get to know your hookup, her strengths and weaknesses, her strong points but also her flaws. Only then can you actually see the person for who she is instead of having a mental image you projected on her. Checklist question: **Can you name 3 of her flaws and how are you accepting them?** ### ![guy looking at a smiling girl in the pool](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-821042.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)2. “The only fish in the sea” syndrome It was swiping left for you for ages and suddenly, this girl came along. So you jumped the gun and thought that you need to date her. There are more than 4 billion women out there and even if you have 37 criteria for women, you would still find at least 50 000 girls that are you just like that one. [Don’t settle.](https://guycounseling.com/want-girlfriend-read-this-first/) If you have been out of the game for a long time or didn’t have successes, even with a hookup, then it’s time to step on a brake. Consider if you want a relationship only because there is nobody else right now or because you truly care for this person. If it’s not the right person, don’t commit yourself to the relationship. You will waste your and her time as well and you will both end up hurt from this. Checklist question: **When was the last time you had sex before this person came along?** ### 3. Is a relationship fit for your lifestyle right now? If you just quit your job and you are building a start-up which requires 16-hour work days with 250 days on the road, then you should think about the time needed for a relationship to work. A relationship isn’t a hookup and a proper one that works requires time and energy. That is something which you don’t have when you are overworked, underpaid or simply living on a 250/MpH speed. Take a long, hard look at your lifestyle and see if you can turn a hookup which requires less time into a relationship which requires a hell of a lot more. Checklist question: **How many hours a week can I allocate for my relationship?** ### 4. The dual approval of heart and the mind When you are building a relationship, you want it to have some sort of a future. You don’t want to be in a relationship just because you want to be in a relationship. You want to know that there is a certain future you two can share together. But for you to know, understand and see that, you need the dual approval. We have already discussed the perils of the [Honeymoon phase](https://guycounseling.com/breaking-up-the-right-way/) on deciding to turn a hookup into a relationship. Here, we will take a “logical” approach to relationships. You need to both feel emotionally right for the other person and also logically assess how you two would work out. You can have the biggest hots for a girl and have mind-blowing sex, but she is a drug addict which stole your TV last time she was in your apartment. Heart says Yes, mind says “o hell no.” She is a hedge-fund manager with her own life and autonomy, a great apartment, smoking hot body and no daddy-issues as an emotional baggage. But there is absolutely no chemistry between you two. Mind says Yes, heart says “o hell no.” Checklist question: **Do both my mind and my heart say yes to turning this hookup into a relationship?** ![guy and girl dancing on roof](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/brooke-cagle-504497-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)If you went through the checklist and decided that you actually don’t want to date this hookup, then try to keep it as it is. If you have gone through this checklist and decided that you truly want to date this hookup then continue reading the article. You will find 10 simple pieces of advice on how to turn a hookup into a relationship. ## 10 simple pieces of advice on how to turn a hookup into a relationship ### 1. Make a real connection A real connection is about making a mere physical thing like a hookup into an emotional ride with sincerity, vulnerability and deep affection for the person. I could write for days and hours on how to make a real connection ([and I have, you can check it out here](https://guycounseling.com/killer-date-four-dimension/)), but what I would suggest you here is a movie. It’s called Don Jon, starring Joseph-Gordon Levitt and Scarlett Johannson and it’s exactly about forming a real, deep, meaningful connection with someone else. ### 2. Make it about more than just booty calls A girl likes nothing more than to get a drunken text at 1 a.m. to come over. Joke aside, if you want to date this girl (and you do), then you should make plans with her for more activities then a booty call. Don’t overdo it here by calling her up on your cousin’s wedding which is in six months – simply suggest that she can stay the night and then you two can get a breakfast in the morning. Or call her up for a coffee during the day- something which sends a message that this isn’t a booty call, but on the other side isn’t too soon too much. Rule of thumb here is to [take small, incremental steps instead of giants leaps](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/). Coffee during the day is good, a dinner in a fancy restaurant isn’t. ### ![bearded man just for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/bearded-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)3. Talk about relationships So you got her out of the horizontal position to somewhere where you two can talk. What to talk about? Address the elephant in the room because it will probably be awkward in the beginning. Take the lead and start talking about relationships (in general) and how they simplify life, what their meaning is and how great they are when you find a great person. Don’t push to talk about ex-boyfriends or girlfriends, but simply keep the conversation about generalities and take it from there. You will notice how she acts, feels, and reacts to this topic so you adjust to her. ### 4. Ask about her life “So, what’s up” isn’t a question about her life. It’s a question that yells at her that you have zero creativity and that you’re bored to death so you are texting/asking her. Ask about her hobbies, the craziest thing she did in her 20’ies, what her childhood was like, who was her favorite movie star, what she does for “life” (not for a living) etc. Ask the things that [reveal her character to you.](https://guycounseling.com/interdependent-relationship-get-there/) That is how you will deepen the relationship you two have, move it from only physical to emotional and convey to her that you are interested in her. And by interested, I mean not just in her physique, but also her brains, emotions, and life. Girls pick up on this quite fast so your curiosity won’t go unnoticed. Keep on calibrating your approach to the questions and make it a conversation, not an interrogation. ### 5. Show her your (cool) life Which leaves a better impression of these two scenarios: “I have a 70 yacht.” or “Hey, I’m throwing a small party next Sunday and it would be cool if you could join up. We are starting the sail at 15:00 from Dock 55 Marina del Rey. Can you make it?” “Yeah, sure, I’ll be there. You have a boat?” “O yeah, I forgot to mention that. Business was going good so I got myself one last year.” “Wow, nice.” And the conversation could continue in so many different ways, all beneficial for you if you used the second approach. Instead of telling her how cool, brave, rich, smart, reliable you are, [simply show her that](https://guycounseling.com/flirt-with-girl-works/) through your lifestyle. You don’t need to try hard, that will only make a counter-effect. Simply live your life as you live it per usual and simply show her that. You don’t need to have your own yacht. You can simply take her to your favorite coffee shop where the staff treats you like family, or invite her over for a movie where she can see the pictures from your travels on your apartment walls. Or cook something for breakfast or lunch – it’s up to you. But the point is to show her that you’re a cool guy not only on the surface but also that you truly lead a cool life. ### ![group stages](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/team.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)6. Make her miss you Message sent at 7 p.m. Message read at 7:01 p.m Message answered at 7:02 p.m When she sends you a message or demands that you talk to her, invest time in her and in general be available to her, you need to chill out a bit and not respond immediately. Because you have just shown her your cool life and now, she is hooked on you and she wants to get to you know you more. But if you give yourself over on a platter immediately, she will grow tired of you. You need to use what some people call the “Cat string theory.” If you take a ball of string and tease the cat with it, holding it so close but yet out of the reach, she will constantly jump around to take it, thus keeping itself interested in it. If the cat gets the ball, she will play with it for a while but then lose interest. If the ball is completely out of reach, the cat won’t even bother. So by making yourself there, but a bit out of reach, [she will simply want you more.](https://guycounseling.com/5-ways-guys-make-girlfriend-crave/) Wait with answering messages for a couple of hours, reschedule the time when it fits you instead of her and “defend” your time from her. This will make her chase you because people want what people can’t have. ### 7. Use passive attraction This basically means that she should know that you have other girls in your life and that other girls want your time. She isn’t the only one that wants your attention and that if she wants you, she needs to make an effort. You can use social media effectively for this by showing off with other girls via Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat. When she sees that you’re a “wanted merchandise”, that will immediately raise her attraction towards you. This is based on the thing called “the perceived value.” You can’t touch that value, but it’s certainly there and people value it- even though it’s only the perception. Brand of any company is a perceived value and you as a guy can have the same thing. We want more of the things we perceive valuable and if other people want it to, then the perceived value of the item grows. So the [more women want you, the more value you will appear to have](https://guycounseling.com/flirt-with-girl-works/). This is what’s called passive attraction and you should use it to your advantage. ### ![guy holding hands with a girl](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/stephen-cook-373395-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)8. Be 100% or 0% with her Ok, you are a busy guy with an amazing lifestyle and a lot of girls around you. But when you make time for the hookup you want to start dating, you need to give her your time – 100%. This means that when you’re finally with her, you are with her 100%. That means that you don’t scroll on your phone when she talks, that you don’t work when you are with her and that you fully pay attention to her. When you are there, you are 100% there. If you make her feel this important in your life by making her your world for the next one (or four) hour, you will get yourself a great girlfriend. Don’t half-ass it. Either do it 100% or don’t do it at all (0%). ### 9. Create mystery around you Hey girl, here is my life story in 3 minutes and that’s it. Wow, what a boring movie… I mean person. People like to have quests and mission in life and when you get to know someone, it’s the same thing. Leave many places mysterious but you can drop some small hints here and there. Let her want to know you more and explore everything you are instead of you simply telling her everything. When a girl has this “Who in the world are you” look on her face, that means you got her interested. And she will be on a quest to discover who you are. Remember the cat string theory here – give her just enough to keep her hooked but not everything to grow bored. I did this thing with an audience of 200 people when I started telling them about my internship to Russia. “So I went to Russia on an in internship and when I landed there, apparently I didn’t have all the necessary documents. So the authorities deported me back to Turkey. But then, all hell broke loose and the government in Turkey locked me up in the jail at the airport. But what followed in the jail was the most difficult day in my life. And….we are out of time, to be continued on the plenary tonight.” I’ve had 100 people come to me during the day dying to hear the end of the story, but I had them wait because mystery and suspense breed attraction and attention. ### 10. Create a “you and me vs. the world” scenario And the last advice for turning a hookup into a person you want to date is to create a “me and you vs. the world” scenario. This is also something borrowed from the evolutionary biology where tribes would fight together if there was a bigger threat endangering all of them. During this time of crisis, you become so cohesive against something out there that you act like a single individual. And by creating this kind of scenario, you two get this internal cohesion against something out there. This can be a movie you two don’t like but which everyone loves or a simple experience you two had together which none else did and now you created an internal jargon for that. Framing the conversation this way happens naturally over a longer period of time, but if you want it to happen fast, then you should use polarization. Put yourself and the girl you want to date on one side by finding something you both love and put everyone else on the other side by making them your “enemies.” You both love Carlos Santana but you met at a disco with only EDM music. So you tell her “Look at all these people loving this EDM music, while you and I know the real value of music – played by Carlos Santana.” Instant polarization and you two form a team against everyone. ## Conclusion We have covered a lot here, from the initial dilemma of you actually wanting to date the girl or not. We had a small checklist there with 4 questions you should have answered for yourself. The 4 questions were related to: 1\. The Honeymoon phase 2.”The only fish in the sea” syndrome 3\. Relationship fitting your lifestyle right now and, 4\. The dual approval of heart and mind Only when you have answered these questions and decided that you want to date a hookup, is when we went into pieces of advice on turning a hookup girl into someone you date. There, we covered 10 pieces of advice and they were: 1\. Making a real connection 2\. Making it about more than just booty calls 3\. Talking about relationships in general 4\. Asking about her life 5\. Showing her your (cool) life 6\. Making her miss you 7\. Using passive attraction 8\. Being with her 100% or not at all 9\. Creating mystery around you and 10\. Creating a “you and me vs. the world” scenario You’re ready now. Go out there and make it happen. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Relationships --- ### [7 Ways To Increase Your Likeability Every Guy Should Know](https://guycounseling.com/increase-likeability/) **Published:** January 17, 2019 **Author:** Bruno Boksic **Content:** ![likeability](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/likeable.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Here’s some hacks to become more likeable No man is an island and every single one of us wants to belong somewhere. We are a social being and we want to be respected and liked in our communities. When we look around, we see guys who have this almost naturally. The charm, the wits, the [likeability](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/job.185). And even though there are naturals- people born with these skills- one can still learn them. So here are 7 ways to increase your likeability. ## 1. Be quick to apologize “I was right” destroyed more friendships than anything else. You won’t get far in the sphere of likeability if you are constantly seeking out matters where you disagree with a person. Find common grounds with people and find it fast. This will sometimes come easy, but at others, you will be at a disadvantage. The errors will be made from your side and it is your job to be quick to apologize. Don’t just speak the phrase of “I’m sorry.” That doesn’t count. Be sincere in your apology and do it as soon as you realize that either you are wrong, the other person is getting emotional or that the situation could get out of hand. ## 2. The tone is everything here You could use the same words of “I’m sorry” to convey an apology or use it convey that the other person is losing her cool and starting to go out of control. Be quick to apologize because admitting to others that you are wrong shows strength, courage, confidence, and willingness to be wrong. This will make you magnetic in the company of others. ## 3. Don’t be judgmental Stubbornness and ego might destroy friendships, but judgmental attitude destroys everything, including trust and likeability. People who have an attitude of no judgment tend to have other people open up to them in a real and honest way. They can sense when you just want to hear their story because you are curious and that no matter what they tell you, you won’t throw rocks at them. **Related:** [How to be more witty and charming ](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) There is a phrase by a famous Bosnian writer which goes “What is human isn’t foreign to me.” It’s easy to judge- anyone can do that. But to withhold judgment and have an honest conversation, that takes work. If you can master the ability to withhold judgment, you will increase your likeability by 10 fold. Carry an “I just bench pressed the world” smile on your face Nobody likes a downer so don’t be one. There is far too little sincere optimism left in the world and that’s because it’s quite easy to be a pessimist, but it takes work to be an optimist. When you smile at people, you are giving them the invitation to talk to you because you’re in a good mood, you are spreading joy and fun around you and that you enjoy the company of yourself. There is a law of state transference which means that the other person will pick up your mood and emotions in the time being so if you’re smiling and enjoying yourself, there will be an almost immediate effect on other people with the same kind of emotions. ## 4. Go first Most people would tell you that chit-chat would make you likeable. Well, most people are wrong even though it seems like that. The thing is that the people who can be liked by almost everyone are not the people who only chit-chat with others and find a common ground (build rapport), but they also “go first.” When you “go first,” you open yourself up with a story or a piece of information which shows your vulnerability as a person. This gives permission the other to do the same and build even deeper connections with you, in fact turning you more likeable. When you go first, you are exposing a much deeper part of yourself and with that, the rapport that you build with the other person is greater. So don’t be shy to push the conversation into more depth, that’s exactly what likeable people do. ## 5. Be specific with your compliments There are two things that kill a compliment: generalisation and agenda. By generalisation I mean this: Wow Bruno, I really liked your article on likeability (wrong). Wow Bruno, I really liked the flow in your article on likeability. It felt like a conversation with a friend (right). Be specific when giving compliments to other people because that shows sincerity. You didn’t say you liked something just because the sake of it, you said it because you really liked it and you emphasized the part which you liked the most. The other thing which can destroy a compliment is agenda. Agenda means that you are telling the compliment to a person not as an end, but as a means to an end. You are telling a girl her curly hair makes her beautiful face stand out not because you like that, but because you want her to like you so that you can have something more with her. When giving a compliment, don’t think about it as a way of achieving some goal. Tell them because you want to tell them-Period. ## 6. Share self-deprecating humor Only a self-confident person can make jokes about himself in front of other people. First of all, this not only makes you “go first” with those kinds of jokes but also makes you appear more attractive to everyone. I met my friend’s sister on a rooftop party and I just returned from a date with another girl or at least I thought it was a date. We went for pancakes and afterward, I walked her home. Everything was going well until she told me, half-way of walking her home, that she has a boyfriend for 2 years already and that for her, this was a friendly coffee. Oh well, I couldn’t do much there so I simply walked her home and hugged her at the end. It felt stupid but nonetheless, it was a good story to share.Everyone laughed at the story and we had a good time on the rooftop. Later on, my friend’s sister hit me up and we went out on a real date. She told me that the reason for this was that I didn’t start bragging about my life, but told a story about my failure in a funny way. That made me stand out in her eyes. If you can laugh at your expense, you will become the people’s favorite. ## 7. Touch people (appropriately) A single touch is worth just as much as two hours of talking. So touch other people, but do it in a proper manner. Don’t touch guys on top of their shoulders (like a father would do) because that implies that you’re preaching to them. Asses the situation and act accordingly. [Start small](http://growthabit.com/everyone-laughed-when-i-started-reading-20-pages-a-day-but-then-i-read-47-books-a-year/) and just do a light pat on the back, a fist bump, high five or any low-risk move like that. People who are not afraid to touch others are secure in their own body, sexuality, and have self-confidence. These are all likeable traits and you can convey them by touching people appropriately. Invite girls to dance, invite guys to games where you cheer and hug because it’s appropriate. This all would make you even more likeable. And there you have it, the 7 ways to increase your likeability. - Be quick to apologize - Don’t be judgmental - Carry an “I just bench pressed the world” smile on your face - Go first - Be specific with your compliments - Share self-deprecating humor - Touch people (appropriately) All that is left now is to go out there and do it. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Files **Tags:** Attraction, Charm, Likeable, Witt --- ### [7 Mental Health Tips For Coping With Lockdowns](https://guycounseling.com/mental-health-coping-lockdowns/) **Published:** November 17, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![mental health lockdowns](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/mental-health-lockdown-reflective-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Lockdowns and Mental Health Are you worried that your mental health would suffer if your city or town goes into another lockdown? Well, you should definitely take steps to safeguard your mental health. With COVID-19 infections rising exponentially, more lockdowns are inevitable. The alarming spread of COVID-19 has compelled some governors and local officials to consider new shutdown measures. Everything from total lockdowns, early curfews, and facemask mandates are all on the table. ## Are Further Lockdowns Really Necessary? COVID-19 infection rates are spiking all over the country, growing by more than a hundred thousand cases a day nationwide. Europe is already grappling with its second wave. In the United Kingdom, the government has implemented a second round of lockdown restrictions to flatten the curve. Is this what will happen in the United States in the coming weeks and months? Well, not necessarily on a national level, but you can expect some local restrictions. If fewer people are sharing space and air, then the rate of COVID-19 infections might slow down. Hospitals will be able to better cope with patients who need serious medical attention and businesses can get back to normal much quicker. It’s been a long year and pandemic fatigue is in full swing. Not only are local businesses struggling to stay afloat, but people are unraveling from the effects of social distancing measures, increased isolation, and the panic of a rampant viral catastrophe. A [September poll](https://www.norc.org/Research/Projects/Pages/covid-response-tracking-study.aspx) from NORC at the University of Chicago found that the pandemic is taking a heavy toll on the mental health of young adults. A stunning 56% of adults between the ages of 18 and 34 reported that they felt especially isolated. That figure stands in stark contrast to just 4 out of 10 older Americans reporting the same sentiment. Only 39% of young adults in the study reported that their mental health was in a good state. It’s important that you make your own mental health a priority during these trying times. This pandemic could linger for another six months or more while scientists work to create and distribute an effective vaccine. So, here are some tips for managing your mental health during a potential lockdown. ## ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1)1. Use Mindfulness Mindfulness is a wellness practice that helps you to better understand your feelings and thoughts. There are different mindfulness techniques out there. Most of them are similar to meditation. You focus your attention and try to prevent your mind from just going on autopilot. It can be tempting to just try and coast through this pandemic. Maybe you’ve been numbing yourself with video games, movies, food, or other coping mechanisms. That can be disadvantageous to your mental health in the long run. Try to focus your mind, especially in moments of distress. Close your eyes and concentrate on how your body is feeling from head to toe. Think about how you are thinking and feeling. This will help you reduce stress and bolster your mind for a second wave of restrictions. Related: [Mindful Hypnotherapy Helps Highly Stressed, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-hypnotherapy-stress-616/) ## **2. Get a Virtual Workout Buddy** Exercise is important to your physical and mental health. Yet, it can be difficult to find the motivation when you’re self-isolating or the local gyms are closed. You might not be able to work out with friends in person, but you can exercise from home with a buddy online. Try it; you can do it virtually. Just set an agreed upon time and log on together. You can use Zoom, Skype, or Messenger. You might feel a bit silly at first but working out with a partner is highly effective. It’s been scientifically proven that people perform better and have a higher level of motivation when completing tasks in a group. The phenomenon is called the Köhler motivation gain effect. Working out with a virtual battle buddy can help bolster your motivation and provide the accountability you’re missing from in-person workout sessions. ## **3. Think About the Future** You should never lose sight of the moment, but it’s important to have something to look forward to in the future. Plan ahead for better times that are surely on the horizon. Don’t let this year grind you down because you’ll have plenty to do when restrictions get lifted. Think about the future instead of wallowing in the problems of the day. Try to aim for both short and long term ideas about where you see yourself in the future. You can turn to journaling for this so that you have a dedicated space for writing your ideas. Have plans for a travel destination? Want to learn a new skill or get a higher-level degree? Focusing on a positive outlook of the future can help you see the present situation in a better light. ## **4. Don’t Overload Your Schedule** It’s not easy to work from home. There’s always a new series on Netflix. There’s always a side project to work on around the house. The phone rings in the morning and your whole day can go out the window. It can be helpful to set smaller goals for your workday and your work week. You can only tackle so much during a pandemic. You don’t want to put overwhelming pressure on yourself to compensate for it by creating an endless to-do list. That will weaken your mental health and it could possibly jeopardize your physical health, too. Try to set aside enough time to accomplish a few major projects and set up some smaller auxiliary goals that can be tackled if you’re feeling good for the day. **Related:** [Here’s Some Tips For Beating the Afternoon Slump](https://guycounseling.com/afternoon-slump-tips/) ## **5. Spend More Time Outdoors** You might be facing a lockdown but that doesn’t mean you need to lock yourself away in a room. There are ways to get out and about safely. You can cycle or jog to a local park and spend an hour grounding yourself in nature. Your body craves sunlight and fresh air. In fact, both sunlight and fresh air can help you stay healthy. So be sure to take regular trips outdoors before the sun goes down. Check with your local municipality and see if you can bring a friend. You might be able to enjoy a small picnic or a socially distanced date. ## **6. Practice Gratitude** You might get caught up in a cycle of negative thinking during a second lockdown. When will this ever end? When will life go back to normal? These are perfectly normal thoughts to have, but you need to pepper in some gratitude. Try to list just 3 things that you’re thankful for and remembering those things might put a smile on your face when you need it the most. Are you thankful for having time for an hour-long hot shower? Write it down. What about that yummy casserole you whipped up last night? You’ve got the skills, my man. Don’t underestimate the power of positive thinking and gratitude to really lift your spirits. Don’t underestimate the power of a gratitude list. List just 3 things at the send of each day and see for yourself. ## **7. Control Your Sources of Information** If all this negative news about the pandemic is starting to get you down, then you might want to take the reigns when it comes to your sources of information. You can set limits to how much time you spend on social media outlets like Twitter and Facebook. You can also deactivate notifications for certain friends and accounts that are always amplifying the worst facts and figures. Now, that doesn’t mean you should stay in the dark about what’s going on around you. Not knowing what’s going on can increase your stress and anxiety. So, pick a reputable source of information and settle on how much of it you want each day. ## The Takeaway The COVID-19 pandemic isn’t over, not by a long shot. It’s putting everyone’s resilience to the test. A second wave of infections means that a second bout of lockdowns are certain to go into effect in your town or city. You aren’t powerless when it comes to your own mental health and wellbeing. You can get creative and find ways to make lockdown more livable. You can make more trips outdoors, visiting parks and natural preserves in your area. Also, you can use technology to your benefit. Connect with friends online and you can even workout together online instead of going to the gym. Get into mindfulness, make a gratitude list and make some plans for the future. You’ll come out on the other side of this pandemic with skills and techniques that can boost your mental health. **Related:** [10 Hacks for Coming Out of COVID-19 Isolation](https://guycounseling.com/coming-out-covid-19-isolation/) **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Acceptance and Commitment, Lockdowns, Mental Health --- ### [How Men Can Be More Mindful in the Bedroom](https://guycounseling.com/men-intimacy-bedroom/) **Published:** October 28, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![mindfulness and intimacy for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/mindfulness-intimacy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Mindfulness and Intimacy How much of your day is spent on autopilot? Have you ever noticed how you just go through the motions and pay little heed to what you’re actually doing, thinking, and feeling? Mindfulness is designed specifically to place you back in a more conscious experience with life. When you’ve been in a long-term relationship, it’s easy to slip into the routine. Sex can get boring. The same intimacy schedule. The same routine. The same positions. This can lower you and your partner’s enjoyment in the bedroom. Luckily, a little meditative concept called mindfulness can regenerate the spark in your love life. ## What is Mindfulness? Simply put, mindfulness is the concept of being fully present in the moment. You can be more mindful in nearly every aspect of your life with the intention of creating a more healthy, well-balanced mindset. Mindfulness can be applied to your outside environment. It can also be applied to your own thoughts and feelings. It might seem easy, but there is an art to fully comprehending and recognizing one’s thought processes. Mindfulness is akin to meditation. It’s introspective. Mindfulness can be helpful in reducing stress, managing your emotions, and boosting your productivity. A [study in 2011](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004979/) found evidence that mindfulness actually changes your brain’s gray matter concentration to improve learning and memory processes, emotion regulation, self-referential processing, and perspective taking. ![faking it](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/african-american-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Can Mindfulness Really Help Men in the Bedroom? Men can apply mindfulness practices to their bedroom behavior. Why not? Being more mindful in the bedroom can make you a better lover and increase your romantic enjoyment. If you develop a habit of mindful meditation, you can access what’s called the flow state. The flow state is the phenomenon that happens when your mind, body, and spirit are less fragmented. You’re totally absorbed in the activity of the moment and you’re fully aware of your own thoughts and feelings. The flow state in the bedroom can make for a powerful lovemaking experience. You’ll second-guess your actions less. You’ll feel more in-tune with your partner. Your connection might even feel as though it has transcended space and time. **Related:** [Creating Physical Intimacy Via Mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-mindfulness-e27/) ## Being Mindful of Your Partner’s Needs and Desires Mindfulness is often applied to one’s own thoughts, feelings and actions. Yet, with a subtle tweak, you can apply that same level of observance toward your partner during sex. When you’re fully in the moment with them, pay close attention to their physical cues and signals. You can be more mindful of their desires and needs. Therefore, you’ll create a better experience for the both of you. Learn their physical cues. Encourage them to be more vocal with the types of things that pleasure them and take a focused approach to fulfilling those desires. Sure, it might be easier to just get yours, but mindfulness can be targeted at your partner. You’ll learn so much about their style of lovemaking. Master the art of pleasing them by being attentive to the signals (both overt and subtle) that they’re giving you. ## Being Mindful of Atmosphere in the Bedroom Mindfulness teaches you to be more aware of your perceptions. This can really help you set the mood in the bedroom. Think of all your five senses, not just the sensation of touch. Use mindfulness to observe what you perceive the next time you are making love. How does the lighting affect your mood? Is there music playing or just the background noise from the TV? Could you or your partner benefit from some playful edible treats like chocolate covered strawberries? Never underestimate the power of fragrance, as well. The right aromas can really enhance your lovemaking experience. It’s not just for special occasions like Valentine’s Day or birthdays. ![couples questions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/couples-questions.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Mindfulness and Male Sexual Performance When it comes to sexual performance, some men think that the key to lasting longer is to put your mind somewhere else. “Think baseball. Think baseball.” Now, this approach might help in small, short term ways, but try to observe yourself from the outside looking in. By thinking of something else or checking out of the experience of lovemaking, you’ve disconnected from your partner. Your presence is way more important than your performance. Instead of dialing out of the lovemaking experience to try and last longer, you can try some mindfulness techniques to improve your overall lovemaking experience no matter how long you last. By being more mindful of your physical arousal, you can know exactly when to add variation to your lovemaking routine. For men who experience premature ejaculation, the sensation often sneaks up on you. Well, mindfulness can help you recognize the feeling of climax as it arises. By dialing into your physical sensations you’ll know when you’re reaching climax and then you can take a pause. Try a different position or switch to pleasuring your partner. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CFH9r3YBWeQ/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Practice Mindfulness Outside the Bedroom A great way to create mindfulness in the bedroom is to practice it in other areas of your life. When you wake up in the morning, try to concentrate on how your body feels. Do a body scan. Start at your head and travel all around your body. Think about how each part of your body feels. To build your perceptional awareness with mindfulness, try it while taking a walk. Observe everything that you’re observing through your senses. Don’t just look at your immediate surroundings. Cast your gaze into the distance and observe the most distant details. **Related:** [Complimenting Your Partner’s Body Increases Intimacy](https://guycounseling.com/complimenting-partner-intimacy/) Is the wind blowing? How does it feel on your skin? Take out your headphones and observe what you can hear around you. The next time you’re eating, try to describe the flavors. Is it complex or rather basic? These might not seem like important exercises, but this is how you build mindfulness. This is how you dial into the power of the moment. You’ll probably find that there’s so much about your world that gets glazed over. If you can start to take notice of your thoughts and feelings in regular situations, then you’ll develop these skills for the main event. Mindfulness will come as second nature and you’ll enter that flow state with ease. ## Final Points of Mindfulness in the Bedroom Mindfulness is a great way to alleviate intimacy problems that stem from boring, long-term relationship sex, difficulty achieving orgasm or erectile dysfunction. It can also take your sexual encounters from the mundane to the transcendent by creating a flow state between you and your partner. Sex is a form of meditation. It’s a powerful experience that involves the direct transference of energy. So, why not put more of yourself into the practice of intimate meditation by being more mindful in the bedroom. Disconnect the smartphones and tablets. Don’t bring technology into the bedroom (at least, not that type of technology). Focus on your feelings and sensations. Then, think about your partners cues and responses. Don’t check out of the lovemaking experience just to try and last longer. Focus on how your body feels and the triggers for your climax. Then, change up the routine and focus on being present. It’s way more important than the performance of your equipment. Put yourself fully in the moment. That’s mindfulness at its most basic incarnation, but there are other mindfulness techniques you can use. Focus on the senses. What are you tasting, touching, feeling, seeing, and hearing? Observe the environment and how it makes you feel. Most importantly, focus your attention on your partner not your laundry list of tasks for the upcoming week. Practice mindfulness by trying to fully observe your own thoughts as they’re happening, and you’ll be ready to make your next lovemaking session an unforgettable experience. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** intimacy, Love, Mindfulness, Romance --- ### [What to Do When You Have Low Self-Esteem?](https://guycounseling.com/low-self-esteem-hacks/) **Published:** October 18, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![low self- esteem](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/low-self-esteem-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Working Through Low Self-Esteem Have you been feeling down lately or lack self-confidence? Well, it’s normal to get the blues every now and then, but you do have the power to boost your self-esteem. You don’t have to wait on someone else to tell you that you’re special. Check out these tips to improve your confidence. ## Why is Self-Esteem So Important? Self-esteem is the opinion that you have about yourself. When you consistently have a low regard for yourself, it can become a long-term mental health issue and affect nearly every other aspect of your life. When you have positive self-esteem, you tend to have a positive outlook on life. You’re better able to cope with the ups and downs of life. You value your own self worth no matter what is happening in your life. When you have negative self-esteem, your world view becomes dismal. You develop a defeatist mentality and the challenges of life become more like plagues. Low self-esteem wears down your resilience and eventually your health. **Related:** [10 Things Men Do That Kill Self-Esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) ## The Most Important Step to Better Self-Esteem Sometimes, men get caught up in playing the blame game when it comes to a crisis of confidence. My Dad…my lover…my brother…my teachers…they didn’t believe in me. They told me that I’d never amount to anything. They said I was worthless. The thing about self-esteem is that it belongs to you. That’s why they call it *self-*esteem. So, if you want to improve your confidence, take control of your emotions, and live a happier, more well-balanced life, then you are the one who must take action. That’s right. The most important step that you can take to improve your self-esteem is to take action. Now, that can either frighten you or empower you. It can be a scary prospect to know that you are the only one who can improve your self-esteem, especially when you’re already suffering from confidence issues. Yet, that is precisely the best way to handle it. First, take action. By taking action you are taking all the power away from the doubters, naysayers, and even the dark voices in your own head who say that you can’t be a more confident man. You’re putting the power in your hands and that action alone should plant the seeds of self-esteem within you. Now, it’s time to water those seeds. Here are some more things that you can do when you have low self-esteem. Some work right away. Some provide only temporary boosts in certain situations, but we’ll identify and explain each one in greater detail. - Identify Triggers for Low Self-Esteem - Try Hypnotherapy and Autogenic Suggestions - Make a list of your accomplishments - Learn a new skill or ability - Work with a counselor or therapist to heal any past traumas More Details on How to Deal with Low Self-Esteem Now, let’s break down these self-esteem boosters so that you can come up with your own customized way to regain your confidence. ![triggers low self-esteem](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/cheating-husband-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Triggers for low self-esteem ## Identify Triggers for Low Self-Esteem Low self-esteem grows from the seeds of self-doubt. It doesn’t come out of nowhere. These seeds of self-doubt are watered by certain triggers and once self-doubt grows inside of you it begins to rob your life of joy and productivity. This is when it might be helpful to keep a journal. Try to write down every instance you can think of when you felt negative about your own self-image. Write down what triggered your negative feelings and write down what thoughts you had in that moment. After about a week you should have some good ideas about the nature of what triggers your lack of self-confidence. For some men, it’s social media. When you look at influencers, friends and colleagues through the prism of social media accounts, it can seem like everyone else is living a fantastic life…and you’re not. Social media can be a big trigger for low self-esteem. Social media gives you only a carefully curated snapshot of someone’s life. You’ve got to be careful because these snapshots are connected to products and services now. You can’t judge yourself against them. Did you know that in North America, people spend nearly 2 hours a day on social media, and most users check their social media accounts all throughout the day. ([Statista)](https://www.statista.com/topics/1164/social-networks/) That level of intense interaction can leave you with a case of social media envy and it can rob you of your self-esteem. So, if you think that social media is one of your triggers, then it might be time to plan a small window of time for a social media detox. You can turn off post notifications or just mute your account for a few days and see how you feel afterwards. ## Try Hypnotherapy and Autogenic Suggestions Sometimes, when you have low self-esteem, you lose the language to describe yourself in a positive light. You might have been in a toxic relationship or never felt the appreciation of someone close to you. When was the last time that you told yourself – “I am valuable simply because I exist?” If that statement sounds strange to you, then you probably are suffering from low self-esteem. It could be helpful to listen to affirmation recordings and videos. Here’s one that is especially helpful for people who have lost the language of positive self-image. For some men, their low self-esteem is more specific. You might lack confidence in relation to certain events such as public speaking or job interviews. Or you might lose your cool when talking to your crush or going on a date. In these circumstances, you might benefit from a hypnotherapy technique called the Circle of Confidence. The whole experience takes less than 15 minutes, but the effects stay with you permanently. Hypnotherapy can be so beneficial in combating low self-esteem. You can access a part of your sub-conscious mind that is non-judgmental and full of creative potential. Using hypnotherapy to learn techniques that minimize anxiety, really helps you discover your inner power and boost your confidence. Just [follow this link to the Circle of Confidence meditation](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/). ## Make a list of your accomplishments When you have low self-esteem, it’s easy to forget about your triumphs and wins. Here’s another reason to pull out the journal, guys. You might be surprised at how many accomplishments you’ve racked up if you just took the time to write them all down. When you write something down, when you document it, you solidify it and make that detail more real. So, think back over specific time frames like a year, a month, a week or day to day and write down a few things that you got right. Did you pass an exam? Were you hired for a new job? Did you make somebody smile yesterday? These are the type of accomplishments that build confidence and self-esteem when you look back over them in your journal. When you’re feeling down and depressed, your mind begins to develop blinders to the good qualities you possess and the good deeds that you’re doing in life. Everything just looks and feels bad, but that’s not necessarily true. Keeping a journal and writing down your accomplishments is a great hedge against this self-esteem killer. It doesn’t have to be a big success. It could be something minor like cleaning out the garage. The point is to have a documented reminder that you can do great things. If you did it before, then you can do it again. So, when you’re feeling down on yourself, pull out that list of accomplishments and remind yourself of how awesome you are. ## Learn a new skill or ability Do you want a surefire way to build high self-esteem? Then, start today on the path to learning a new skill or ability. The more challenging the skill, the higher your reward will be. Do something that scares you. Stretch yourself and face your fears. You’ll emerge with newfound confidence. Many guys base their self-esteem on their physical attributes or their income. That type of self-esteem doesn’t last. It’s easy to fall into this trap when society reinforces this trend in nearly every aspect of pop culture. Just look at all the archetypes. The boss. The baller. The fitness model. The athlete. The successful entrepreneur. The playboy. These male archetypes are based almost exclusively on the value of physical appearance or financial gain. If you place too much value in these things, they’ll eventually rob you of your self-esteem. Why? Because nobody is handsome enough or rich enough. The goalpost slides back all the time. Now, let’s get back to that new set of skills you’re going to learn. When you fill your quiver with arrows of skill, you gain self-esteem points that can be redeemed anywhere you go. When you learn new abilities, nobody can take them from you or validate you with their approval. Try something that sharpens your mind or something fitness related. When you witness yourself going from novice to amateur in something new like chess, tennis or free-running, you’ll witness your self-esteem rise. Here’s a tip – try to learn a new skill, ability, or sport that none of your friends know. Join a new community based on this new skill and people will start to take notice of you. ![heal trauma](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/sad-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Heal past traumas ## Heal past traumas through counseling  One of the most important things you can do when you have low self-esteem is to re-establish your worth and value. Society has this messed up toxic mentality about men that says we have to suck it up and carry on no matter what. As a result, so many men are walking around with a bag of hurt on their shoulders that nobody even knows about. Sometimes, this is a bag of blame, a bag of shame, a bag of anger or something else that stems from past traumas. Some men don’t even recognize their past traumas but suffer from the effects of it every single day. According to [a study](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/1733742) published in JAMA Psychiatry, 30.6% of men have suffered from a bout of depression in their lifetime. It’s true, women experience depression more than men, but more men succumb to fatal suicidality. This might be the wake up call you were waiting for to seek help. You can speak with a counselor or therapist. There’s even helpers who focus specifically on mental health issues that affect men. **Related:** [10 Steps to Better Self-Esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) ## Self-Esteem Wrap Up Low self-esteem can rob you of a well-balanced life. You might feel the need to hide yourself away from challenging situations or withdraw into your own bubble to shield yourself from anything that damages you even further. You’re capable of a greater existence and the power is in your hands to change it. So, start by deciding to take action. Be less judgmental of yourself and don’t depend on the opinions of others. You’ve probably seen posts on social media where someone says “Tell me 3 things you like about me and pass it on.” Or something to that effect. Those posts can be really harmful because you’re placing your self-worth in the hands of others. It’s called self-esteem because it belongs to you. So, don’t place so much value on the opinions of others or the images that you see on social media. Nobody’s perfect. You have the power to boost your self-esteem. Start journaling and recording your accomplishments. Identify your negative triggers and explore them. Evaluate and challenge them to take away their power to rob you of confidence. If necessary, speak to a professional or try some meditation techniques. Your difficulties with self-esteem could be deep-rooted and require learning new techniques to overcome them. It might sound like a daunting task, but you will improve your self-esteem simply by taking the first step. Good luck and keep us posted with your journey. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Confidence, Depression, Self-Esteem, Trauma --- ### [Paying the Ultimate Price for the Perfect Selfie](https://guycounseling.com/perfect-selfie-dangers/) **Published:** October 1, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![sexy black man selfie facebook](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/sexy-black-man-selfie.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Selfie Risks A 43-year-old man paid the ultimate price this week to take a selfie in Oregon. He fell over 100 feet into the ocean after a tree limb snapped underneath his weight. He was trying to get a great view for his selfie backdrop. There were barriers in place and the internet is littered with stories of people who’ve died for the perfect photo. So, why are people still dying for social media clout and likes? Steven Gastelum went hiking with a friend on the Devil Cauldron’s trail in the Oswald West State Park near Arch Cape, Oregon. Around mid-afternoon he crossed a barrier warning people about the danger of a steep cliff. Gastelum climbed a tall tree to get a photo of the beautiful view but fell from the tree.  Unfortunately, he was recovered from the ocean and pronounced dead at the local hospital. Sadly, Gastelum’s story isn’t unique. Just last November, a French tourist in Thailand slipped and fell from a waterfall in Ko Samui. The 33-year-old man died in the same location that another person died just four months prior. There seems to be a pattern here – heights, slippery surfaces, and men who are willing to risk it all for a rare photo. ## Is Social Media to Blame? There are certainly a variety of factors that contribute to people dying from taking risky selfies. Both men and women have fallen victim to fatal vanity, but there is definitely a trend on display. People have placed so much value on the likes and social esteem that comes from a great photo on platforms like Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. [Pasha Petkuns](https://www.instagram.com/pashatheboss/?hl=en) is my favorite free-runner and parkour performer. He’s a professional Red Bull athlete and he has done some outrageous stunts over the years. He has over a million followers on Instagram and one of his most recent posts speaks volumes about the craze for social media stardom. It seems as if young people are willing to do just about anything for “likes” these days. https://www.instagram.com/p/CEw2ckAjELY/ **Related:** [5 Signs You Should Take a Break from Social Media](https://guycounseling.com/time-break-social-media-e18/) There’s actually an Instagram account called “mountain selfies”. As you can imagine, it’s full of people taking selfies at elevations that could provide a recipe for disaster. Here’s a cool guy on a mountain top. https://www.instagram.com/p/laS1J2olyk/ It’s not just young people either. Gastelum, who perished in Oregon, was 43 years old. So, let’s take a closer look at the statistics surrounding this fatal phenomenon. ## The Trend of Fatal Selfies In 2018, the findings of [a study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6131996/) on selfie deaths was published in the *Journal of Family Medicine and Primary Care.* From October 2011 to November 2017, there were 259 deaths while clicking selfies in 137 reported incidents. The most striking result of the study was that 72.5% of the deaths were men. The study authors didn’t attempt to draw any conclusions about that particular finding, but most of the deaths were associated with risky behavior. A decade ago, I was much more active in the free-running and parkour community. A friend of mine drowned while attempting to cross a river bridge using just his hands. He was trying to impress some girls that were passing in a boat, but he lost his grip and fell into the river. The fast-moving current swept him away and he drowned. He wasn’t taking a selfie, but he was trying to impress other people with a bold, dangerous gesture. People on social media are constantly trying to one-up each other with their photos. The more dangerous the stunt, the more likes and followers a person seems to get. Or at least that’s the rationale behind risky behavior selfies. **Related:** [Posting Gym Selfies May Harm Your Friends](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6131996/) ## Ways to Reduce the Trend of Fatal Selfies The lead author of the 2018 study did offer a possible solution. The expert recommendation was for the widespread adoption of selfie-free zones. These zones would deter amateur photographers from placing their lives at risk to take the perfect photo. However, it’s important to recall that the man who recently died in Oregon disregarded barriers to take his selfie in the tree. Barriers and warnings and selfie-free zones are only as good as the people who heed them. In fact, the selfie-free zones might have an adverse effect by alerting people to potential sites for the best photos. Perhaps, another approach would be just as suitable. If the public began to devalue high risk photography, then fewer people would want to take those type of photos. People should pay less attention to those attention-seeking selfies to send a clear message that the perfect snap isn’t worth a person’s life. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Self-Esteem, Selfie- Selifies --- ### [Does Crystal Healing and Gem Therapy Really Work?](https://guycounseling.com/crystal-healing-explored/) **Published:** September 25, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![crystal healing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/crystal-healing.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Crystal Healing: A Closer Look Have you ever looked at a chunk of amethyst crystal and thought you felt something? Have you been thinking about trying crystal healing or gem therapy? Well, you’re not alone because both semi-precious and precious gemstones are selling like hotcakes these days. There was a time not long ago when crystal therapy was relegated to a pseudoscience. People just thought of it as hippie nonsense, but apparently the coronavirus has contributed to a change in the way people perceive the concept of healing. 2020 has been a year in which more people are looking for alternative forms of wellness. The market for crystal healing and other forms of alternative medicine is booming. According to a [market report](https://www.grandviewresearch.com/press-release/global-alternative-complementary-medicine-therapies-market) from Grand View Research, the global market for complementary and alternative medicine is set to reach 296.3 billion dollars by 2027. Crystal healing, gem therapy – there are subtle differences in terminology, but the underlying premise is similar. Certain gemstones ## What’s the Difference Between a Gem and a Crystal? This is one of those questions that people don’t like to ask because they feel like they should know the answer, but it can be confusing. A crystal is a solid structure with microscopic materials arranged in precise geometric patterns. For example, a snowflake is a crystal and so is a diamond. However, some crystals are not gems. A gemstone is an organic or inorganic substance that has crystalline form and can be cut and polished for various uses. Amethyst is a popular inorganic gemstone with a mineral composition. Amber is a petrified organic material that is commonly grouped in with gemstones. ## Is Crystal and Gem Therapy Real? Here’s My Own Story Recently, a friend messaged me with an odd proposal. She mentioned that there was a crystal convention in her town and that she was going to pick up some powerful new pieces. She was wondering if I’d be interested in buying some gemstones because she remembered that I was having trouble sleeping. Now, I happen to really like crystals and gemstones, but purely from an aesthetic perspective. I like the colors and the harmony of their arrangement. My appreciation doesn’t extend into the realm of metaphysics or spirituality. **Related:** [Holistic Health: A Guide to Wellness](https://guycounseling.com/?s=alternative) However, my friend is a yoga instructor who regularly practices transcendental meditation and other forms of complementary and alternative medicine (CAM). In case you were wondering, CAM is an umbrella term for yoga, meditation, chi gung, sonic healing, and other forms of therapy that don’t have official recognition in the medical lexicon. My friend is a CAM guru and she can get way out-of-this-world with some of her beliefs and ideas. She showed me a photo of a large piece of amethyst. It was a beautiful, purple crystal gemstone. According to her, the gemstone in her photo had several healing properties such as enhancing immune system, regulating the endocrine system, reducing headaches, purifying auric fields, assisting with grief and sobriety, enhancing mental focus and helping you fall asleep. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CEX2_Don2VE/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) I wondered – could a chunk of amethyst really do all that? Maybe you’ve questioned the same thing about gem therapy. Do gemstones really have the power to cure illnesses or improve your mood? ## How Do Gemstones Improve Your Health and Wellbeing? Gem healing is a form of energy medicine. Different gems vibrate at different frequencies. Their energy fields influence the energy fields of the body. I’m not talking about energy in the same way that physicists do. Gems are claimed to have spiritual energy – the type of energy that is talked about in the same breath as auras and chakras. Practitioners of gem therapy might place certain gemstones on different locations of the body to influence the body’s natural energy fields. What makes these objects special is that they have vibrational frequencies within their mineral composition. These vibrational frequencies are meant to interact with the energy fields of the human body to promote balance, remove blockage, and heal maladies from the inside out. Certain crystals are purported to draw out evil spirits like a magnet and even eradicate cancer cells. So, if you were searching for meaning in your dreams, then a practitioner of gemstone therapy might suggest for you to place a piece of moldavite under your pillow at night. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CFXdS0zHsD_/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) For some stones, their nature and power are derived from their appearance. For example, rose quartz is said to be the stone of the heart. It can help you get over a breakup or help you find love. Why? Because it has a soft, pink color. Smoky quartz has a dark, brown color. It’s meant to help you deal with shadow emotions and detoxify your mind, body and soul. Why? Because it has a smoky, dark, shadowy appearance. The problem with crystal healing and gem therapy is that their properties are not evidence based. When purchasing a gem for healing, you’ll run into terms such as “promotes”, “used for”, and “is known to”. How do you measure those types of results? So, it’s important to understand that the therapeutic properties of gemstones are not necessarily set in stone. (Excuse the pun). ## What Does Science Say about the Therapeutic Properties of Gemstones and Crystals? It’s extremely difficult to find credible scientists and medical doctors to endorse the healing properties of crystals and gem therapy. The practice has been around for centuries but there have only been a few scientific studies aimed at evaluating the benefits of gems in an empirical way. So, I decided to take a deep dive into the world of gem therapy for our GC readers and help you separate fact from fiction. My first stop was Pakistan. Well, not literally, but there was an interesting [study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2739841/) conducted in Pakistan back in 2009. 400 people participated in a survey at a community health center that focused on their beliefs and usage of gemstones. More than half of the participants were aware of the practice of gem therapy and slightly less than half felt that it was beneficial to their health. The statistics that stood out to me the most in relation to this study was that 62% of participants felt that gemstone therapy was closely related to superstitious beliefs, but the number of people who believed it was beneficial was still relatively high. My conclusion was that the effectiveness of gemstone therapy might be closely related to one’s preconceived notions of the power of gemstones and crystals. The effectiveness is difficult for scientists to quantify and calculate but that is just fine with people who are especially religious or spiritual in nature. In fact, that could actually support their belief in the efficacy of gem therapy. The most well-known scientific study on crystal healing was conducted by Chris French in 2001. French and his associates at Goldsmiths College at the University of London published their findings at the British Psychological Society Centenary Annual Conference in Glasgow. French told half of the 80 participants about the supposed effects of healing crystals and told the other half nothing at all before the experiment. Then, he had all the participants meditate for five minutes while holding a piece of quartz crystal. Only half the participants were given real crystals. The others were plastic fakes. After the meditation session, just as many people reported feeling warm or tingly sensations in their hands regardless of whether they were holding real or fake crystals. Participants who were primed beforehand with the knowledge of the crystal’s powers were more likely to report feeling something during their meditation. Those who believed in the healing power of crystals were twice as likely to feel an effect than those who didn’t believe it. Basically, the crystals produced a placebo effect in participants who were already primed to believe in their powers. So, French’s findings were quite similar to the findings of the researchers in Pakistan. To be fair, researchers might not know how to properly measure auras and energy fields in relation to the human body and natural crystals. So, further study should be done. It’s not fair to just dismiss crystal therapy as a pseudoscience simply because it exists outside the realm of known science. A 14th century alchemist would certainly agree. **Related:** [10 Ways Energy Healing Helps Reduce Pain and Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/energy-healing-benefits/) ## The Takeaway There are two factors to consider when examining the power of crystal healing. One: humans are very ritualistic. The mere act of focusing your intention through a crystal will engage your belief system and you can affect positive results simply by believing that you can. I believe in the power of the mind and if I choose to sleep on a lump of moldavite to have better dreams, then knowing it’s there could help activate my own abilities of self-reflection. Two: Perhaps the properties of crystals and gems aren’t fully understood through scientific exploration. There is the possibility that our current language and knowledge lacks the wisdom to fully understand how and why crystal therapy works. The practice goes back for thousands of years. Healers in ancient times might have had an ancestral wisdom regarding healing stones that modern medicine has neglected. We don’t really know how the pyramids were built. So, it is possible that there is a missing link when it comes to crystal therapy and the energy fields of the body. If you want to try crystal therapy, then you should set your own intentions. Take control of the process with an open mind for its intended results. Some of the most common crystals used for alternative medicine are amethyst, rose quartz, opal, and rhodonite. However, you can find someone who will espouse numerous benefits to nearly every type of gem and crystal on the planet. For best results, you should consult with a complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) specialist. They can recommend particular crystals for your case and help you plan the best way to utilize the crystals. Just be careful not to fall too deep down the rabbit hole. It goes way down. Keep in mind that your belief that these crystals work plays a huge role in whether you’ll experience a positive outcome or not. As for me, I decided to buy that chunky piece of amethyst from my guru friend. Let’s just say I’m hedging my bets on a good night’s sleep. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Crystal Healing, Crystals, Healing, Holistic Health --- ### [What Makes A Man Bisexual?](https://guycounseling.com/bisexual-science-924/) **Published:** September 24, 2020 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![bisexual man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/biman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Bisexuality: A Closer Look What makes a man bisexual? Is it as simple as being sexually aroused by both males and females? Or does it have more to do with self-identity? Well, the science is far from settled on that topic. In a [Gallop Poll](https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/visualization/lgbt-stats/?topic=LGBT#density) that surveyed more than 300,000 Americans, 42% of respondents who claimed to be members of the LGBT community were men. Around 2% of all men in the United States identify as bisexual. It’s certainly a grey area within both demographics – men in general and the LGBT community. Some people think that bisexual men are actually homosexuals who are “on the down low” or simply confused about the nature of their homosexuality. Other experts uphold that bisexual men are indeed attracted to both men and women. 1. Michael Bailey is a sexuality researcher at Northwestern University. In 2005, he and a team of colleagues conducted [a study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01578.x?casa_token=AFj__nFWmJkAAAAA:Ma63CpOKdqbfaHg2KTEVSI2C2-3QBDIl4QnnJ09uHi5Io8UnYg4oXsWRJbGPV7hjBVyOjxkG9FsgJvw) that has drawn criticism for the past 15 years. Male participants in the study were shown pornographic representations of females and males. There were 30 heterosexual, 33 bisexual, and 38 homosexual men participating in the work. They were connected to a ring that encircled their penises with the intention of measuring their level of genital arousal when shown sexually suggestive images of men and women. Bailey’s findings were controversial. He reported that most of the men who purported to be bisexual responded with a greater tendency toward homosexuality in terms of genital arousal. He summarized that bisexuality “appears primarily to represent a style of interpreting or reporting sexual arousal rather than a distinct pattern of genital sexual arousal.” The broader implication of Bailey’s study was that bisexuality in men was being disqualified as a sexual orientation. According to Bailey and his team, men who identified as bisexual were just homosexual men who chose to identify as bisexual for a number of different reasons. **Related:** [Can a Straight Man Fall in Love with a Gay Guy?](https://guycounseling.com/straight-gay-love/) ## Why Would A Man Falsely Identify as Bisexual? The case of bisexual identification is complex, just as any other form of sexual preference is complicated. Is bisexuality an identity complex or a case of adaptive flexibility? The simple answer is – the man likes what he likes. Yet, there are other reasons why a straight or homosexual man might identify as something in between. Some men who are attracted to other males might not want to jeopardize their social or cultural standing to fully identify as gay. They might make certain exceptions for instances when and where attraction to other men is acceptable. For example, some men who become incarcerated might “go gay for the stay”. They don’t identify as members of the LGBT community in their normal lives but find an exception in their circumstances for homosexual ideation and behaviour while they are in prison. Some men are married or in straight relationships and they don’t want to identify as homosexual to their partner. This might endanger their family’s reputation or lead to a separation. So, this person might engage in homosexual activity “on the down low.” Another reason a man might falsely identify as bisexual is to be included in the LGBT community. That might sound strange to some people – the idea that someone who is straight would fake being attracted to someone of the same sex, but this does occur. It can be beneficial for someone who is straight to lie and say that they were bisexual to seek employment, increase their social or political standing, or simply to fit in with current cultural trends. This is just a smattering of reasons; there are many, many others. **Related:** [25 Straight Men Tell Their First Non-Straight Experience](https://guycounseling.com/25-first-gay-experiences-stories-true/) ## Revisiting the Case for Male Bisexuality The findings of the 2005 study led to more research about bisexuality in men. Even J. Michael Bailey decided to revisit his original findings and make a more comprehensive analysis of male bisexuality. Bailey participated in a review of his own work and other studies just this year. In [a paper](https://www.pnas.org/content/pnas/early/2020/07/14/2003631117.full.pdf) published through Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers determined that men who identify as bisexual do indeed exhibit genital arousal toward both males and females. The original study had fewer than 100 participants, but the follow-up review included the findings of eight previous studies. The conclusions drawn from this study were far more widespread. The only problem is the criteria by which the researchers judged sexual perception. It also completely ignored the fact that sexual arousal isn’t a one trick pony. Yet, they agree that genital arousal did occur in the participants of the study who identify as bisexual and therefore bisexuality in men does exist. Hold on for a second though. Why are scientists trying to determine whether bisexuality is real? Should scientists even be trying to validate a person’s sexual identity at all? The idea that a person’s sexual preference or identity must be first validated by science is condescending and ethically questionable. **Related:** [What is a Lumbersexual?](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) Scientists should study social behavior and sexuality. However, challenging scientific theories and notions is exactly how we reach a more comprehensive understanding. In the case of male bisexuality, the scientific research should’ve taken into account a fuller range of lived experiences and perspectives. Researchers should focus less on whether a person’s sexual preference is indeed real and focus more on the nature and characteristics of the actual person. In other words, sexual arousal does not identify a man. His sexual identity serves to further illuminate his personage and it expands his capacity to love. For now, researchers should not try to identify whether bisexuality is real. The main reason is that so many men already identify as bisexual. It’s real because they say it is real. **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Bisexual, Gay, Human Sexuality, research, Sexuality --- ### [Married Life Might Not Be the Key to Happiness](https://guycounseling.com/married-life-doesnt-mean-happy/) **Published:** July 27, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/couple-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Married Life and Happiness Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote – “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.” Well, scientists decided to investigate the truth of those words in a recent study. What they found out might surprise you. A [new study](https://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2020/when-it-comes-to-happiness-whats-love-got-to-do-with-it/) published by researchers at Michigan State University found that love and marriage might not be the key to lasting happiness after all. The Michigan State study was published in the *Journal of Positive Psychology* and followed the love lives of 7,532 people over the course of 42 years. The goal was to determine just how much love and marriage played into a person’s overall well-being. William Chopik, MSU assistant professor of psychology and co-author of the paper wondered “’Do people need to be in a relationship to be happy? Does living single your whole life translate to unhappiness? What about if you were married at some point but it didn’t work out? To gain our own insights into how your love life might affect your overall happiness, I spoke with one of the foremost leading experts on self-realization, yoga and meditation, Trace Gleen. I asked her just a few questions and got an unexpected epiphany on inner happiness in return. When I asked Trace Gleen about the results of the happiness study, she challenged the entire concept of pursuing happiness in the first place. She began with “You know this concept of lasting happiness is interesting. Happiness has become such an attachment, so that when we don’t feel happy, well we feel sad.” “It’s turned into such an addiction, a craving, a deep desire that keeps one desiring it. It’s interesting because it’s actually our most natural state. To desire happiness is like fire trying to light itself on fire. It’s a strange paradox. There is a Zen Buddhist expression that says, if you want happiness, drop the “I” and the “want” and there you have, happiness.” **Related:** [Can Quitting Lead to More Happiness?](https://guycounseling.com/quitting-happiness/) This is quite interesting when you consider the results from the afore-mentioned Michigan State study. Happiness was the focus of the study and the participants were all asked to quantify their happiness. The study participants were all older adults who either were divorced, married or single. They fell into three categories. In the study, 79% were consistently married to the same partner. 13% of participants had histories of moving in and out of various relationships and 8% were never married and spent most of their life unattached. Mariah Purol, MSU psychology master’s student and co-author, said “We were surprised to find that lifelong singles and those who had varied relationship histories didn’t differ in how happy they were,” said Purol. “This suggests that those who have ‘loved and lost’ are just as happy towards the end of life than those who ‘never loved at all.'” That takes us back to Alfred Lord Tennyson. Surely, he wouldn’t agree with the research. He was a hopeless Victorian romantic poet. But maybe he would have agreed with Trace Gleen, our self-realization expert, right? Well, not so fast. Gleen reminded us that “By generating and resourcing our own happiness through doing things that make us happy, we reclaim our sovereignty. We proclaim our power. We proclaim our free-will to connect to these states of elevated moods on command.” “When we resource our own happiness by connecting to the frequency and vibrational signature of happiness, like a radio dial, we can tune into it and receive the music it’s playing.” As my eyebrows raised, she went on to say “It’s really rather simple, but because we’ve been so conditioned to believe happiness is a struggle, well, it will keep being a struggle. That is how powerful our mind is. Yet if everyone knew this, wouldn’t psychologists be out of work?” https://giphy.com/gifs/love-kiss-couple-p60J8lii2NKVy Psychologists and Victorian poets alike. Happiness isn’t the end all of results that the psychologists from Michigan State were hoping for, nor is it something that should be romanticized by poets like Alfred Lord Tennyson. Surely, the experience of relating to another human being is a unique part of life that has value no matter what the outcome. People want to be together and it’s not just women who want to be in a happy, secure relationship. **Related:** [Marriage Has Lifelong Influence on Feelings of Happiness](https://guycounseling.com/marriage-happiness-study-1219/) Commitment, love, and marriage are strongly desired by men, even if the stereotypes lead people to think otherwise. [Research](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-s-man-s-and-woman-s-world/201407/who-craves-relationships-more-men-or-women) from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health found that 82% of male participants thought that marriage was important. Statistically, men are slightly less happy with their relationships than their female counterparts. A [survey](https://www.statista.com/statistics/713796/happiness-with-current-relationship-status-in-the-uk-by-gender/) conducted by Statista in the United Kingdom found that men were less likely to be very happy with their relationships and more men than women were seriously unhappy with their relationships. So, on the one hand you have men valuing the institution of marriage and long-term commitments while on the other hand, they are less likely than women to be happy in them. How does that work? “When it comes to happiness, whether someone is in a relationship or not is rarely the whole story,” Chopik said. “People can certainly be in unhappy relationships, and single people derive enjoyment from all sorts of other parts of their lives, like their friendships, hobbies and work. In retrospect, if the goal is to find happiness, it seems a little silly that people put so much stock in being partnered.” “It seems like it may be less about the marriage and more about the mindset,” Purol said. “If you can find happiness and fulfillment as a single person, you’ll likely hold onto that happiness — whether there’s a ring on your finger or not.” So, scientists and spiritualists agree. Problem solved. Let world peace and goodwill toward men commence. Well, what about that intense ache you feel inside when a relationship ends? On a personal level, I know exactly what it feels like to uproot yourself from the union of two people only to find that your solitary state is withered and malnourished. How can you find happiness when you feel like that? As if someone has heard my cry, self-realization expert Trace Gleen reminded me that “When we depend on anything outside of us for happiness, we give our power away to what yogis called *maya*, or illusion.” My eyebrows rose again. Gleen went on to say, “We were born whole and complete. Perhaps, we should ask ourselves ‘How may we return to wholeness?’ Happiness is just an aspect of the whole YOU. Meaning, it’s like a branch on the tree of life. But you cannot water the branch and expect it to grow, you must water the root so that all the fruit can be enjoyed, in plenty and bounty.” https://giphy.com/gifs/shocked-seinfeld-kramer-LpLd2NGvpaiys ## Wrapping it Up I guess I never thought about happiness like that. Maybe you’re reading this, and you’ve never thought about it like that either. Well, marriage and relationships certainly aren’t the cure for the emptiness that we feel inside. People are imperfect and they’ll let you down if you place too much importance on their role in your life. Ultimately, you have to be self-reliant and find reasons to be happy that have deep roots in your own soil. If you aren’t able to generate happiness from within, as Gleen suggests – to embody happiness, then you certainly won’t find lasting happiness from someone else. Well, I certainly have some deep thinking to do, maybe even some meditation on the nature of happiness itself. If you’re interested in learning more about self-realization and yog-meditation, then follow Trace Gleen on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/whollyyogini/?hl=en) and visit her website [Wholly Yogini](https://www.whollyyogini.com/). Just prepare yourself for the accidental epiphany. **Categories:** News, Relationships **Tags:** happiness, Marriage, Married, research --- ### [Are You a Human Being or a Human Doing?](https://guycounseling.com/human-being-human-doing-715/) **Published:** July 15, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![black man reflecting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/black-man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Human Doing vs. Human Being Explored Human being vs. human doing. Do you remember when you were a kid, and someone asked – what do you want to BE when you grow up? You used to want to BE something awesome, but now you’re just stuck doing stuff. As men, we often feel the pressure to constantly be doing something. Our lives are defined by our occupations and how well we’re “crushing it”. If you’re not crushing it day in and day out then you’re considered to be weak. There is an inherent aspect of toxic masculinity that implies that we need to perform at a greater level of activity than our female counterparts. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CCYty0ZMFnD/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) When dealing with emotions, it’s important to try and find a balance between the mind that is compelled to always DO things and the mind that needs to just BE things. Why? Because being defined by what you’re doing is a sure fire way to lose your true sense of self. Men are rarely brought up to BE or feel a certain way about themselves. Men are enculturated to DO and impact their environment in certain ways. Everybody gets asked when they’re a kid – what do you wanna be when you grow up? Yet, as we grow, we tend to transform those answers into DOING. Remember – We wanted to BE firefighters. We wanted to BE astronauts. We wanted to embody those iconic personages. So, how did we wind up sitting at a desk for 8 to 10 hours doing insurance claims? ## **What is a Human Doing Mindset?** The human doing always feels the need to do more. He’s busy for no reason at all. If you are a human doing you might find yourself thinking – *I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to do that*. Life becomes one big task sheet filled with itemized activities that reload every single day. That sort of lifestyle can lead you to believe that your life is worthless if you aren’t in a constant state of productivity. When you’re stuck living life as a human doing, you might feel like you don’t have a life at all. It can also negatively affect the people around you. A 2016 study published in the [Journal of Marriage and Family](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jomf.12320) found that men who worked 50 hours a week created more stress for their partners and children at home. So, while you’re out doing all the work, your family is suffering. You’re not helping them live a better life. ## **Pandemic Hustle** Yet, there’s so much pressure for the human doing. Just look at the current situation with the COVID-19 pandemic. Here’s an example I know you’ve seen. There were lots of social media posts from entrepreneurs and business gurus that alluded to the idea that if you’re not learning a new skill or starting a new business during lockdown, then you just don’t have it in you. If you’re not using this time to max out every aspect of your life, then you’re not a true hustler. The underlying message is that if you’re not constantly doing things, you suck as a person. Believe me, you don’t have to get up a 4 AM every day, work out for 2 hours, and read two books before lunch to be successful. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CCqLk2zAHmG/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) Constantly working isn’t healthy and it might not make you happy, after all. You could miss out on important moments with your loved ones. Working relentlessly can leave you feeling burned out and stressed out. It can also suck you into some seriously destructive behaviour patterns such as addictions, anger issues, and even obsessive compulsive disorders. ## **What is a Human Being Mindset?** Do you want to learn how to kill it without killing your health and wellbeing? Would you rather [strive toward your goals](https://guycounseling.com/motivation-goals-as-if-technique/) without being a slave to the effort of reaching them? Then, you need to think back to that question you were asked when you were a kid. What do you want to BE? What are you embodying? What defines you as a person? These are the questions that lead you to being a healthy, happy and fulfilled human being. A human being is mindful and lives in the moment. A human being is content with his own inner thoughts and feelings. It is sufficient for a human being to just exist and hold space; doing so doesn’t produce feelings of anxiety or worthlessness. Human beings don’t define themselves by their occupations or the actions that they are taking to be successful. A human being appreciates rest and recovery as a valuable part of their overall success equation. A human being doesn’t seek to dominate nature or the world around him to feel a sense of validation. Instead, a true human being searches for his place in the environment and yearns to participate in a constructive manner. ## How Do You Get There? If you want to transition from a human doing to a human being mindset, than you should try meditating. It’s second only to yoga as the most popular [holistic mind and body practice](https://guycounseling.com/holistic-health-guide/) in the United States. It can help reduce stress and anxiety. Mediation also produces a state of awareness that is more in sync with the world around you. The human being mindset produces a better balance between work and leisure by recognizing the importance of both. When you don’t overvalue the sheer exertion of energy, you develop the ability to focus your energy in a more controlled manner. In other words – busy isn’t necessarily better. Change the way you evaluate yourself. One of the biggest differences in human doing and human being mindset is how we view achievements. The human doing mindset only appreciates results. What you produce and can show off determines your value as a person. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Coach, Coaching, goals --- ### [Do You Know These Five Hidden Emotions?](https://guycounseling.com/hidden-emotions-revealed/) **Published:** July 9, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![hidden emotions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/black-man-covering-eye-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Hidden Emotions Revealed Have you even been so angry that you cried? Or didn’t know the difference between guilt and shame? Well, sometimes as men, we don’t know how to properly interpret and [access our own emotions](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-8721.01252). Negative emotions can get in the way of your actions, interactions with others and your ability to think clearly. When you can’t make sense of your negative emotions, they can wreak havoc on your personal and professional life. Yet, when you’re tuned into recognizing your emotions, you can better understand what they mean. Something inside of you is seeking your attention and understanding your emotions are the pathways to finding those answers. Here are five hidden emotions that men often fail to recognize and in many ways are hidden from their awareness. ![five hidden emotions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=494%2C313&ssl=1)5 hidden emotions ## **1. Anger** How to Recognize it: You might feel the urge to lash out. You could verbally lash out, throw things, or even punch the wall. Your temperature and heart rate rises. For some guys, their hands start to shake, and they experience severe headaches. What it Could Mean: The underlying message is that there’s an immediate change that needs to happen in your life. Anger is one the emotions that men can easily access. Its naturally tied to our aggression and assertiveness. Something inside of you is reacting to an injustice or something that’s just not fair. At its core, anger is an emotion that triggers a deep desire for change or action. It might be helpful to [learn from your shadow self](https://guycounseling.com/learn-shadow/). ## **2. Sadness** How to Recognize it: You might feel the urge to withdraw into yourself. You might not want to be around anybody or do anything. You might cry and not even know why you’re shedding those tears. You could experience a loss of appetite, sleeping too much or even not sleeping at all. What it Could Mean: The underlying message with sadness is similar to anger for most men. You recognize that something isn’t right in your life and you want it to change. That could be a circumstance, but it could also be a person. Another factor with sadness is a sense of loss, like something or someone’s been taken away from you. Unlike anger, sadness is less immediate. It’s like a slow burning sensation that eats away at your core. Men who often feel sad could be suffering from mild to moderate depression. It could feel like regret or negative feelings about the past and present. ## **3. Shame** How to Recognize it: You might feel the urge to hide or run away from everybody around you, even yourself. You might begin to entertain thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Yet, shame can lead to positive urges if you are proactive about it. You might feel the urge to rectify the situation by seeking to make amends. What it Could Mean: The underlying message with shame is that something on the inside of you is mis-aligned. Something inside of you fears that you might be excluded from society, family, or friends. It could be that there’s something you’ve done that you feel people won’t accept. You might need to repair your relationship with others around you. Dealing with shame is difficult, especially for men because it requires a vulnerability that doesn’t always come naturally. Shame can compel us do something about the misalignment by changing or adapting to change. It should never be a signal to destroy yourself. Here’s [how to identify and deal with toxic shame](https://guycounseling.com/toxic-shame/). ## **4. Anxiety (Fear)** How to Recognize it: You might feel the urge to go backwards, run away, or stay still. This could manifest itself as a keen desire to hide or avoid an issue or a person. It could feel like paralysis. You might feel a sudden rise in temperature, heart rate or a sense of breathlessness. What it Could Mean: The underlying message with anxiety is that you might be feeling afraid, but men often struggle to reconcile the feeling of fear. It’s considered unmanly, but fear is quite natural. Often, men who suffer from anxiety seek more time to deal with situations and that can lead to inaction. The message that your mind is sending out is that there’s a threat to your survival, your sanity, or your comfort, and you need to avoid it at all costs. It’s important to note that running away can make [anxiety even worse](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/). One of the best ways to confront fear is by calmly increasing your exposure to it and building your confidence level. Anxiety and fear should be challenged and respected. ## **5. Guilt** How to Recognize it: You might feel the need to isolate yourself, to avoid a situation or run away. Guilt is closely related to shame, but guilt can be more emotionally destructive. When you feel guilty, you might also feel the urge to punish yourself. What it Could Mean: The underlying message that your mind is trying to tell you is that you’ve compromised your values. There’s a misalignment inside of you. At least, that’s what the perception is. You’ve somehow wronged someone or wronged yourself by going against your beliefs. Your [core beliefs and values](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) are particularly important. They form the internal judgement that you use to interpret whether your thoughts and actions are correct. The only problem is that our core values aren’t always accurate, true, or beneficial. In those cases, we need to confront our core values. So, if you feel guilty, the first step is to evaluate your thoughts, actions, and your core beliefs in an objective manner. If you’ve truly wronged yourself or someone else, then you should try to make amends. You should avoid any thoughts that lead you down a path of self-destruction or punishment. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0307591557&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0307591557/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0307591557&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=fabb81693f4111c95d27af70dd84c1c0)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0307591557) ## **Hidden Emotions Wrap Up** If you’ve ever been so angry that you’ve cried, then you know that negative emotions can be confusing. For men, some emotions are easier to access than others. That’s just how men are hardwired. Society also makes dealing with certain emotions difficult for men. As men, we don’t have many outlets to express our sensitivity to negative emotions. That’s why it’s important to support one another and educate ourselves on self-care, mental health, and the power of mindfulness. When you learn to recognize the physical manifestations of negative emotions, the rise in body temperature when you’re angry, the urge to withdraw from others when you’re ashamed, then you can explore the messages that these emotions bring. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something. You don’t need to ignore these road signs. You can use that information wisely and take command of your emotions and there’s nothing more manly than that. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Emotions, Guilt, Shame --- ### [Physical Play with Dad Helps Kids Develop Self-Control, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/physical-play-dad-kids-788/) **Published:** July 8, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![young father](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/young-father.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Playing with kids offers psychological benefits A University of Cambridge study found that children who played with their fathers from an early age were more skilled at regulating their emotions and behaviors later in life. The University of Cambridge and the LEGO Foundation teamed up together for [this study](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/06/200629120137.htm) and analyzed close to 40 years of data. The goal of the research was to determine if there were significant differences between the ways that mothers and fathers play with their children. The results and findings were most likely a surprise to everyone involved. The findings of the study suggest that fathers engage in more physical activities with their children than mothers. Consequently, that type of physical interaction could lead to a child’s ability to better regulate their own mood, emotions, and behaviors. These are essential skills for children when they begin to socialize with other children. Now, what’s the connection between physical games and self-regulation. The researchers involved in the study believe that the correlation deals with learning to hold back your strength, knowing when not to hurt someone, and gauging when someone has reached their limit. Paul Ramchandani, Professor of Play in Education, Development and Learning at the University of Cambridge, said, “It’s a safe environment in which children can practice how to respond. If they react the wrong way, they might get told off, but it’s not the end of the world — and next time they might remember to behave differently.” ## Playtime Ideas from an Expert For more insight into playtime activities for fathers and their children, Guy Counseling reached out to Sherrie MacLean, who runs an award-winning early learning center in Canada called [Tiny Hoppers](https://tinyhoppers.ca/). So many fathers struggle with playtime ideas, especially with toddlers and infants. So, we picked Sherrie’s brain for the best ways to connect with our wee ones. Sherrie MacLean suggested that fathers should “most importantly, play with your child. Get down on their level and play with whatever toy or item they find exciting. It might be a car to drive over their tummy and across your legs, or perhaps it will be a towel that becomes a peekaboo game (children will do this for hours). It is important to get down on their level and play their games. Focus on your child and listen to them.” > Like father, like son. [pic.twitter.com/C6sDWlbtUV](https://t.co/C6sDWlbtUV) > > — 90s Football (@90sfootball) [June 27, 2020](https://x.com/90sfootball/status/1276893050829062144?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) Sherrie MacLean went on to say that “During the time you are with your child, make sure technology is minimal; put your phone away and turn off the TV to allow for some quality play time.” “Go for a walk, play at the park, and really interact with your child. Go to the waterside and feed the ducks or go swimming. All of these things let your child know that they are important to you and are great first steps in creating a well-rounded, socially adjusted, happy child.” ## Don’t Forget About Storytime If you’re the active type, then you will certainly find numerous outdoor activities for you and your child. However, that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. You might work 10 hours a day or have mobility challenges. **Related:** [Are dads spending enough time with their kids?](https://guycounseling.com/are-dads-spending-enough-time-with-their-kids/) That’s okay because story time is just as important for a child’s development as active play. A [2018 study](mcri.edu.au/news/dads-reading-new-chapter-child-language-development) conducted by Murdoch’s Children Research Institute found that a child’s language development is fast-tracked by reading with Dad. Over 400 families participated in the study. When father’s read to their children at age 2 they had significantly greater mastery of linguistic skills by the age of 4. Critics might argue that there are so many other factors in play here, but the researchers factored in employment levels, income, and co-parenting status. The results were still highly favorable for fathers. Now, both parents were encouraged by the leaders of the study to read to their children, but fathers were the focus. Never before had a link been so definitively drawn between fathers reading to their infant children and their cognitive development. So, even if you’re not the active type or you’re crunched for time, you can still benefit your child’s development in a major way. Just by reading them a story before bedtime, you can create a lasting bond that sets them up for success. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/tv/CAqXwJ5nZkx/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) **Related:** [3 steps for being a winning dad](https://guycounseling.com/new-dad-skills/) ## The Takeaway Playing with your children is essential to their cognitive and physical development. You can play outdoors or just spend time reading to them. The studies mentioned in this article highlight the importance of father/child bonding experiences. There are lots of studies that focus on the bond between a child and their mother, but now researchers are focusing more on the relationship between fathers and their children. Traditional parenting roles are losing their rigidity and fathers are expanding the scope of their interactions with their children. Dr Ciara Laverty, from the LEGO Foundation, said: “At a policy level, this suggests we need structures that give fathers, as well as mothers, time and space to play with their children during those critical early years. Even today, it’s not unusual for fathers who take their child to a parent-toddler group, for example, to find that they are the only father there. A culture shift is beginning to happen, but it needs to happen more.” **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Psychology **Tags:** Children, Dad, Dads, Parenting, research, Science --- ### [7 Types of Compliments Men REALLY Want To Hear](https://guycounseling.com/compliments-men-examples/) **Published:** November 22, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men tweet suit handsome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/compliments-men.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Men, compliments and you.](#Men_compliments_and_you) - [Complimenting men and self-esteem](#Complimenting_men_and_self-esteem) - [Male compliments revealed](#Male_compliments_revealed) - [1. Effort compliments](#1_Effort_compliments) - [2. Character compliments](#2_Character_compliments) - [3. Physical appearance](#3_Physical_appearance) - [4. Intelligence and wisdom compliments](#4_Intelligence_and_wisdom_compliments) - [5. Decision making compliments](#5_Decision_making_compliments) - [6. Personality compliments](#6_Personality_compliments) - [7. Feeling compliments](#7_Feeling_compliments) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## **Men, compliments and you.** Believe it or not, men like hearing [compliments](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1995-25087-001). That may sound silly given the number of hyper-masculine stereotypes present in our society. But I’m here to say, just like anyone else, guys appreciate admiration. As a counselor specializing in men’s issues, I can’t tell you how many times a client has sat across from me in my office and said to me: *I don’t know if my girlfriend likes me*. And because men are bred to not fish for compliments, they aren’t going to encourage them. That’s not true for all guys but if I were placing bets on this in Vegas, I’d say that’s the case for most. ## Complimenting men and self-esteem From a psychological perspective, verbalizing heart-filled, genuine compliments is critical to [male self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). And I’m not talking about those run of the mill, cheesy ones designed to get down a dude’s pants. Instead, I’m speaking about compliments that are directed to a man’s inner core. The kind that celebrates his spirit and character authentically (Marigold, Holmes, & Ross, 2007). Here’s something you may not know. When men don’t feel valued, insecurity sets in. The insidious thing is that once it happens, men are less likely to verbalize how crappy they feel. When you factor in historical dynamics, like having an unlucky dating history and [male body image issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/), that insecurity can become compounded. ## Male compliments revealed If you are searching for real ideas on the best ways to compliment men, I’d like you to consider the following seven. It’s important to view these as examples – starting points if you will. Depending on the guy, his background, and your relational history, not all may “fit” who he is. That said, the material appearing below has been broken down into typologies. You can customize as needed. Let’s jump right in! ![compliments men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/cancer-and-scoprio.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 1. Effort compliments This type of compliment is designed to show thankfulness for a man’s work. I’m not talking about his job or the money he makes. Instead, it’s about the energy he puts into the relationship in ways that make your life easier. In their purest form, these are sentiments of love. Be it fixing a squeaky cabinet or fixing a broken commode, the physical work he accomplishes to benefit both of you deserves to be mentioned. Here are some practical examples: - Thanks for fixing the leaky pipe. I love the little things you do. - You are truly a jack of all trades. Wow! - I noticed you organized the mess in the basement. I really appreciate that. You are so good to me baby. - Now I can take a shower and not slip. Thanks for replacing the tub-matt. I love you for that. - It was sweet of you to throw out all that junk from the closet. What would I do without you? - I noticed you replaced my windshield wipers. Now I can see when it rains. Did I mention how much I love you? - You really take care of me – thank you. ## 2. Character compliments Typically, men communicate their emotions through actions as opposed to words. The clinical research tells us that for guys, major self-esteem boosts happen when they feel respected. But respect shouldn’t be confused with being obedient. Sadly, people confuse this all the time. Instead, I’m talking about respecting his character – the metal of a man. These are traits he possesses that are innate. They are part of his personality DNA. Here’s a few examples to consider: - I’m impressed with how you responded to that rude sales clerk. How are you able to keep your cool like that? - You are so amazing to my friends. People just seem to gravitate to you. - Your capacity to forgive people who have hurt you blows me away. I can learn a lot from you. - I can’t tell you how much I respect the way you manage your team. Not everyone has those [leadership skills](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-theories-made-simple/). - Most people would have told a white lie about that situation. But you shared the unvarnished truth. That why I love you. - I know you donated money to that charity. Did I tell you how amazing you are for that? - The way you are able to not let the kids get on your nerves blows me away. I wish I had that ability. ## 3. Physical appearance There is a major misnomer out there that guys aren’t as concerned with their appearance as women. I can tell you with absolute certainty it’s complete B.S. The difference is that guys don’t talk about it. I’ve written a massive piece on this that explores the topic in detail. See this [post on male grooming](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/). Here’s the full on truth: men do like being told they have nice bodies. That goes not only for their physique but their skin, hair, and general appearance. Consider the following ideas and adapt as needed: - Wow, you look amazing in that suit! - I’m loving your sexy bed hair. The messy look works for you. - Your smile could disarm anyone. - You’ve been working hard on your biceps and it really shows! - When you hold me, I can feel all your tight muscles. - Did you just jump off an outdoor catalog? You look extra [manly today](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). - The shirt and tie you picked today compliment your handsome face. - Hard to believe you are (fill in age). You look so much younger than other guys your age. ## ![compliment man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man-woman-intimacy-kissing.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)4. Intelligence and wisdom compliments It’s sad that many guys buy into “dude” mentality whereby they feel they must dumb down dialogue. This has a way of bleeding into personal, romantic relationships. But here’s a secret. Guys like having intelligent, meaningful conversation. Moreover, many appreciate the ooccasional observation that speaks to their mental prowess. The trick is to find a way to compliment him that’s’ not grandiose or untrue. Trust me when I tell you this, most guys want to believe they are smart. Here’s some examples: - How are you able to add all those numbers up so fast is beyond me. I can’t do anything without a calculator. - I could never figure out how to put that piece of furniture together – even with written directions. But you are able to do it effortlessly. I love you for that. - How did you know the answer to that question? You are so smart! - It was so wise of you to stay out of the conversation with your family. Somebody installed a wisdom chip in you. - You always seem to come up with the most intelligent answers. Not everyone has that ability. - Have you always been gifted musically? - I’m curious – does intelligence run in your family? I ask because you are really smart. ## 5. Decision making compliments One of the most prized compliments a man can receive are ones that speak to his decision making abilities. I mention this because it’s an area that doesn’t get nearly enough attention. Most people assume it’s easy for men to make decisions based on [alpha-male stereotypes](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/). In truth, the process can be a struggle. This point is particularly true if the guy has a history of his decisions being undermined by others, which paradoxically robs him of self-esteem. Here’s some compliments to consider: - I know it wasn’t easy to let (fill in the blank) go. But firing him was the right choice. - The decision to not attend the party was a good one. I wasn’t sure how to approach this – looking back, the choice you made was right. - One of the things I admire about you most is your ability to stick to a decision. So many guys are indecisive. - The gift you chose for the party was excellent. I really like how you don’t get bogged down and can quickly decide. - I bet those smart decision making skills you have come in handy at work. - I’d love to learn the trick behind your decision making process because it’s awesome. ## ![Cute couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/cute-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)6. Personality compliments Like anyone else, each man has his own unique personality. Some guys are funny. Others are geeky. And still, others are a combo of charming, witty and smart. What guys often don’t hear are compliments that speak to this aspect of their persona. But with a little bit of effort, you can highlight some of his traits without going overboard. Bear in mind that when bringing these up, it helps to mention characteristics that aren’t aren’t always obvious. This way, the compliment has more of a punch. Examples include: - Ever notice how easy it is for people to speak with you? It’s like you vibe out calmness. - I loved the response you gave to your boss. Man, you are - That joke you shared at dinner with our friends was Did I tell you how funny you are? - I’m impressed with [how charming](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) you can be with people. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. - People just seem to like you naturally. It’s a gift. - I love your geek side. Smart, cute, and quirky all wrapped up into one. ## 7. Feeling compliments Are you emotionally impacted by your man’s actions? Does he make you feel a certain way? If so, does he know this? If not, feeling compliments should be used from time to time. This helps him to realize his impact on you. Paradoxically, it also motivates him to do more of what you like. Under this area, it’s important to not go overboard. It’s easy to end up in the land of fakery when you pour it on too much. Think sporadic and genuine here. Examples include: - I feel so safe when you are holding me. - There’s just something about you that turns me on like crazy! - Your [dark eyes](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) have a way of piercing through to my soul. - Even when I feel like crap, you have a way of making me laugh. - When you touch me, it’s like a jolt of electricity shoots through me. - When you travel, I miss you so much. - I don’t think I ever experienced what true love meant until we kissed. ## Bringing It All Together The key thing to keep in mind is that men like to feel validated. The material shared above shouldn’t be used to manipulate or ego stroke. Instead, the compliments should be offered organically and authentically. Otherwise, that guy in your life will see straight through them. I hope you found this to be a useful read. Please share with others if you think might benefit! — Photo Credits: Deposit Photos and Pexels **References** Marigold, D., Holmes, J., & Ross, M. (2007, February). *More than words: Reframing compliments from romantic partners fosters security in low self-esteem individuals*. Retrieved from Journal of personality and social psychology: http://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-3514.92.2.232 **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Communication, Compliments, Love, Relationships, Romance, Self-Esteem --- ### [50 Fun Couples Questions](https://guycounseling.com/50-fun-couples-questions/) **Published:** June 29, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![fun couples dating questions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/fun-couples-relationship-questions.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Fun couples questions Table of Contents Toggle - [Fun Couples Questions To Ask](#Fun_Couples_Questions_To_Ask) - [Couples Questions](#Couples_Questions) - [50 Important Questions to Ask Your Partner](#50_Important_Questions_to_Ask_Your_Partner) - [Ambition Questions](#Ambition_Questions) - [Intimacy Questions](#Intimacy_Questions) - [Character Questions](#Character_Questions) - [Relationship Questions](#Relationship_Questions) - [Questions about Ambition](#Questions_about_Ambition) - [Questions about Intimacy](#Questions_about_Intimacy) - [Questions about Character](#Questions_about_Character) - [Question about the Relationship](#Question_about_the_Relationship) - [Flirty, Cute Questions Video](#Flirty_Cute_Questions_Video) - [Wrapping it Up](#Wrapping_it_Up) ## Fun Couples Questions To Ask Are you looking for some fun questions to[ spice up your date night](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-007-9283-4)? Or maybe you think it’s time to get serious and you still need some answers to seal the deal? How do you know when someone is the right one for you? Sometimes, it seems like other couples are having the time of their lives and they look so happy. It makes you look twice at your own relationship and wonder if there’s something that you might have missed. That’s perfectly natural and you should explore those feelings with your partner. It’s important to have deep and meaningful conversations with your partner from time to time. Yet, sometimes we avoid them because asking questions might bring up information that’s difficult to discuss or process. You shouldn’t sidestep anything that improves intimacy in your relationship though. There’s a reason that some relationship questions make us uneasy. That’s because they reveal hidden facets of our true nature. ## Couples Questions These couples-focused questions presented on this page can be helpful tools in evaluating your compatibility, but you need to have a certain comfort level with your partner before diving in. Knowing your attachment style helps a lot, so be sure to listen to this [love-style podcast](https://guycounseling.com/love-styles-shame-manhood/). That said, asking your partner some meaningful questions can be an eye-opening experience, but it doesn’t have to be all serious. This list of questions has plenty of fun and spicy tidbits that’ll make you smirk and laugh…just to break the tension here and there. These 50 questions are arranged in categories to make it easier to discuss. You can skip right to a particular section or just jump around. Remember, to listen to one another and try not to be so judgmental. Oh, and lastly – have fun! ![couples dating questions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dating questions ## 50 Important Questions to Ask Your Partner ### Ambition Questions Why are questions about ambition so important? If you’re interested in someone for a long-term relationship, then you need to know their plans for the future. These questions have to do with finances, life goals, and future plans. When you have a clearer understanding of your partner’s ambitions, then you can focus on aligning their ambitions with your own for a lasting union. ### Intimacy Questions Why are questions about [intimacy so important](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-mindfulness-e27/)? Well, intimacy is more than just sex. It’s the way in which you share your deepest connections – physical, mental, and spiritual. When there are problems in the relationship with intimacy, then a couple is almost certainly doomed to failure. Pay close attention and be supportive to how your partner answers intimacy questions and you’ll develop a deeper bond. ### Character Questions Why are questions about character so important? Sometimes, we’re attracted to someone based on superficial attributes. That attraction can last for a long time and lead to a genuine relationship. However, you need to know about your partner’s character in order to go beyond a superficial connection. ### Relationship Questions Why are questions about the relationship so important? The relationship itself develops almost like a living being. It takes on a life of its own that transcends any individual. These questions are designed to reveal how your partner views the relationship as an entity. You’ll both learn ways to help it grow. ![relationship questions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/couple-alcohol.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Questions about ambition ## Questions about Ambition 1.  What did you want to be when you were a child? 2\. If someone gave you a million dollars, what would you do with it? 3\. How do you plan to spend your retirement years? 4\. How do you feel about spending and saving money? 5\. Are you happy in your job now? If not, what would you do to change it? 6\. If I lost my job tomorrow, would you stay with me? If so, then how long? 7\. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be? 8\. Which do you think is more valuable – time or money? 9\. If you didn’t like your boss, would you quit or change positions? 10\. Do you think that our careers are compatible? ![Intimacy questions dating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/aries-scorpio-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What’s important in bed? ## Questions about Intimacy 11\. What is the first thing you noticed about me when we met? 12\. Do you consider me to be your type? 13\. What do you think I could do to become a better lover? 14\. Romantically, do you consider yourself to be a giver or a taker? 15\. Do you ever fantasize about someone else while we’re making love? 16\. What’s your favorite way to receive affection? 17\. What’s your favorite lovemaking position? 18\. If I told you that you could have multiple partners, would you choose an open relationship? 19\. Have you ever had a threesome? If so, was it what you expected? 20\. What can I do to really turn you on? 21\. What is something that I do that really turns you off? 22\. Tell me about a time that you were really proud of me? 23\. What’s one thing that you hope will never change about me? 24\. When you’re having a bad day, what could I do to make things better for you? ![couple dating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-dating.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Character questions ## Questions about Character 25\. Have you ever cheated on someone? Did they ever find out? 26\. Have you ever been in a physical altercation? Can you describe what happened? 27\. Have you ever been emotionally hurt by someone you care about? 28\. What’s more important to you – chemistry or compatibility? 29\. Would you ever consider adopting a child? 30\. Who is your celebrity crush? What do you like about them? 31\. If you could describe yourself in one word, what would it be? 32\. What’s your biggest fear in life? 33\. What do you think is your greatest achievement in life thus far? 34\. Who is your role model and what do you like about them? 35\. What do you think is your greatest failure in life thus far? 36\. What is your favorite memory from childhood? 37\. If you had three wishes from a genie, what would they be? 38\. What’s the one characteristic that you value the most about yourself? ![Relationship questions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/scorpio-aquarius.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Relationship focused questions ## Question about the Relationship 39\. Who do you think has the most power in the relationship? 40\. Do you feel fully supported by me? 41\. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be? 42\. Do you believe in soul mates? 43\. How long do you think our relationship will last? 44\. What is one word you would use to describe our relationship? 45\. What is one thing you don’t like about our relationship? 46\. What’s your favorite date that we’ve been on? 47\. If one of us had to move away, would you split up or keep a long-distance relationship? 48\. What’s one thing you hope will never change about our relationship? 49\. Do you think we are more alike or more different? 50\. What is the main thing that you feel our relationship is lacking? ## Flirty, Cute Questions Video As a bonus, I am embedding the video below that offers 25 flirty and cute questions to ask your [crush](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/). To keep it real,  many of these questions can be asked on a first date or in situations where you merely want to take a deeper dive. Check it out: ## Wrapping it Up Well, that’s our list. At first glance, it might seem like a lot of questions, but really, it’s not. These are just some of the *most* important questions that you can ask your partner. The goal is for both of you to answer these questions together and spend some time sharing your thoughts and feelings about each one. How did you like these 50 relationship questions? Are there any questions that you think should be added to the list? We look forward to hearing from you and good luck. **Categories:** Field Notes, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, intimacy, Questions --- ### [Is The Book “Cherry” by Nico Walker Worth Reading?](https://guycounseling.com/cherry-book-review/) **Published:** December 30, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![Cherry by Nico Walker book review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/sexy-black-man-reading-book.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Cherry by Nico Walker When you were in school, your teachers probably gave you a list of books that you had to read – the classic novels. You might have actually read a few or just got the Cliffs-notes. But most people that I know rarely take the time to read novels these days. Our attention spans are shorter, and our lives are faster. So, if you only have time to read one great story this year, then let me tell you a little bit about “*[Cherry](https://amzn.to/2BPdCqV)*” from debut author Nico Walker. It’s about an Iraq war veteran’s struggles with PTSD, heroin, love and just trying to be a good man. Oh, and there’s bank robberies, too. Now, I’m not your high school English teacher, but I will tell you that this book is a must-read novel. “Nico Walker’s *Cherry* might be the first great novel of the opioid epidemic.” —*Vulture* Cherry is told from the first-person perspective and you never find out the main character’s name. His journey goes from being a college freshman who falls in love with a girl named Emily, his time in the Army to becoming a drug-addicted bank robber whose life is sent careening into an uncontrollable tailspin. **Related:** [10 best bodybuilding books for gym lover](https://guycounseling.com/10-best-bodybuilding-books/) I was personally blown away by this book and I’m going to give you a quick review. I’ll tell you some things I liked and some things I didn’t like. Let me first say that I write fiction books myself and I rarely read other peoples’ work because I’m extremely critical. I’m also just like you – hard-pressed for leisure time and hooked on Netflix. But I’m not affiliated with this author in any capacity and I’m not writing this review as an affiliate marketer. Having said that – let’s dive right into the review of “Cherry”. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0525520139&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0525520139/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0525520139&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=1503b5280baa8c5f065bdd41ca43a3e6)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0525520139) ## What I Liked From the start, I liked the style and delivery of the narrative. It’s told from the first-person perspective, almost like an autobiography of sorts. It didn’t feel like the author was trying to sound like such a great literary genius. This brought the story and the main character right down to the reader’s level. Here are some other positive things I liked about the book. I’ll use bullet points so you can cruise through the review much easier. - This book isn’t afraid of profanity and there are tons of expletives. That’s always fun to read. - The main character isn’t a hero. He’s a flawed man who makes tons of mistakes. - I was reminded of Hunter S. Thompson and Ernest Hemingway while reading this fast-paced novel. - This book tells the truth about the nation’s opioid crisis and all its brutal, ugly facets. - I found the chapters about the narrator’s time in combat during the Iraq War to be revelatory and captivating. ## What I Didn’t Like As I mentioned earlier, I am a published novelist and that makes me extremely critical of the books that I read. However, there wasn’t much I didn’t like about this novel. Walker wrote this book on a typewriter and as a debut author, I’m sure he had a fantastic editor and book designer to pull it all together. There were just a few drawbacks to the story itself though. - The narrator was filled with self-loathing by the story’s midpoint and it tended to get a bit sad. - The writing style lacked lyricism and rarely rose to a level of literary greatness. - I think the love story could have been better developed. ## The Takeaway The book’s title “Cherry” refers to getting one’s cherry popped in war. The book’s author certainly speaks from experience. Nico Walker was a combat medic who survived more than 250 missions in Iraq. He’s actually still doing prison time for bank robbery. Although this is a novel and not an autobiography, *Cherry* feels so visceral and real. Critics will call this a book about PTSD and the decline of a war veteran, but really, I find that this book is about drug addiction. The narrator had negative experiences with drugs throughout this book, even though he became addicted to heroin toward the later stages of the narrative. **Related:** [Return of the gentleman worth reading?](https://guycounseling.com/return-gentleman-book-review/) I like the fact that the reader is left to decide what factors contributed the most to the narrator’s decline into debauchery. So, is this book worth your time, worth reading, worth buying? All I can say is that I really enjoyed the read and found the experience to be very rewarding. You can find a brand-new paperback for around $12.00, but it’s also available in hardback and ebook formats. Although it’s about 300 pages, I was able to read it quite quickly. That’s due largely to the rapid-fire writing style of Nico Walker. So, *Cherry* is affordable and won’t tax your time, but the effects of the story will linger with you for quite a while. **Have you read this book? If so, what were your impressions?** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Book, Reviews --- ### [Is It OK To Wear Jeans To A Funeral?](https://guycounseling.com/jeans-funeral-attire/) **Published:** April 2, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/funeral-flowers-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Jeans and funerals – Is It OK? Are you wondering if it’s OK to wear jeans to a funeral? Curious if showing up in denim might be considered rude? Hoping to find the answers but unsure where to turn? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. In the past, I’ve written extensively about [men and funeral attire](https://guycounseling.com/men-wear-funeral-memorial-142/) because – as it turns out – a lot of guys have questions about this topic. The inspiration for this post came to me after recently attending [wake services](https://guycounseling.com/wake-funeral-questions/) for my sister-in-law’s grandmother. After a long battle with heart disease, complicated by other medical problems, “Grandma Rose” passed away at the age of 90. But I digress. While I was standing in line to sign the guestbook, I noticed a family friend from the corner of my eye. His name is Earl; a retired CTA bus driver who relies on a cane to get around. He’s also a widower, his wife passing away five years earlier. After affixing my name to the book and grabbing a prayer card (a tradition for [Catholic services](https://www.artofdyingwell.org/what-is-dying-well/catholic-funerals-cremations/what-happens-catholic-funeral/)), I made my way over to his location. He was standing in the back of the chapel, completely alone. We shook hands and exchanged pleasantries. I learned that he’d arrived in a cab minutes earlier and that he needed some help from the driver to get inside. “It sucks getting old son,” he said. Typically, Earl is all smiles. Even when I’ve bumped into him at other events, including funerals, he’s always been super chipper. But not on this day. Curious, I asked if everything was OK. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just feel ashamed of showing up here in jeans. I wanted to wear dress pants, but I’ve gained too much weight,” he said with embarrassment. “But there was no way I was going to could miss saying goodbye to Rose, you know?” Indeed, he had put on a few pounds over the years. Before his wife’s passing, he was in reasonably good shape. But with problems walking and not having a spouse to help him eat healthier, his size had expanded. Still, Earl was there – dressed in a white button-down shirt, Wrangler blue jeans and black leather loafers. He looked clean and presentable; his thinning hair neatly combed to the side. I even detected a whiff of dime store [Brute](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) as I stood next to him. Wanting to help, I extended my elbow and then walked him around the room. To a fault, everyone was genuinely delighted to see him. As he interacted with others and exchanged memories of Rose, I could tell that the shame he felt about wearing jeans was beginning to fade. ![jeans funeral](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/funeral.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Jeans at a funeral? When we were done making the rounds, he tugged on my arm and asked that we go up to [the casket](https://guycounseling.com/costco-coffin-review/). “I’d just like to say a quick prayer,” he said. And so that’s what we did. Slowly, we made our way up to the coffin. Because of worsening back problems, Earl couldn’t kneel. But he was able to make the sign of the cross, close his eyes, and say a Hail Mary. **Related:** [What are dreams about dead people about?](https://guycounseling.com/dead-people-dreams/) His mission completed, he asked that I take him to the “break room”; a place most funeral homes have for people to get coffee– away from the heaviness of the chapel. At the end of the night, he hitched a ride back to his place with a relative. The next morning, Earl returned for the funeral and procession to the graveyard, wearing the same pair of jeans but a different shirt. All of this happened several weeks ago. Let’s fast forward to the present. To date, not one person (to my knowledge) has said one word about what Earl wore to that funeral. Instead, what folks did say were things like, “That was so nice he showed up,” and “That meant a lot that Earl came to see Rose.” Conventional wisdom holds that it is inappropriate to wear denim, of any type, to a departed person’s final services. But is that *really* true? Sure, if you can wear something formal(ish), you probably should. But if you can’t get into dress clothes for practical reasons (i.e., don’t have any, can’t afford them), that’s not a [permission slip to skip](https://guycounseling.com/skip-family-funeral-128/). When you look around the web, you are going to find all sorts of people acting as self-appointed fashion police, outright telling folks what they *must* wear to a funeral. But here is the thing. At the end of the day, **nobody** ever talks about the “great suit” someone wore to a wake or the “amazing blazer” they had on at graveside services. Instead, what folks *really* remember is who showed up. We’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you think it is OK to wear denim to a funeral? Do individual circumstances matter? Share your thoughts in the comments area below. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Death, Dying. Wardrobe, Funeral, Memorial --- ### [Virtual Reality May Be the Future of Psychotherapy](https://guycounseling.com/virtual-reality-psychotherapy-future/) **Published:** April 6, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![virtual reality psychotherapy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/virtual-reality-psychotherapy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Will mental health and psychotherapy go virtual? ## One day soon, virtual reality may be your new partner in mental health. We explore the issue and talk to an expert Virtual reality isn’t just for playing video games. VR therapy is now being incorporated in clinical treatments for addiction, phobias, and post traumatic stress disorder ([PTSD](https://guycounseling.com/ptsd-coping-strategies/)). Most recently, virtual reality treatment was studied as a novel way to help children in the autism spectrum overcome phobias. The [publication](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-018-3861-x) of the study conducted by the National Institute for Health Research (NIHR) comes during World Autism Awareness Week. ## Virtual Reality and Autism Research Autism, sometimes called Autism Spectrum Disorder (ADS), affects a person’s ability to effectively communicate, interpret external stimuli and often involves repetitive behavior such as rocking back and forth and banging the head. The Centers for Disease Control [estimate](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html) that autism affects 1 in 59 American children. The clinical study looked at the feasibility of combining virtual reality with cognitive behavioral therapy ([CBT](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735805001005)) to help autistic children overcome their fears. Autistic children often have problems with specific phobias such as riding in vehicles, being near animals or certain objects like balloons and bags. ## Phobias, Children and Autism Phobias in autistic children are different because they are so [specific](https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/specific-phobias). It’s certain types of people, odd associations of objects, and locations that trigger their fears. This makes planning typical exposure therapy more challenging. The researchers used virtual reality to create specific environments and scenarios for the autistic test subjects. Their study didn’t employ headsets either. The images were projected on the walls of a small room in a 360-degree panorama. The study found that virtual reality technology treatment significantly improved the confidence of children within the autism spectrum when partnered with CBT. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l3E6NUe6XgK41gKMo/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Virtual Reality Technology Virtual reality was first developed in the 1960s and it was first widely seen in movies like *The Lawnmower Man* (1992) and *The Thirteenth Floor* (1999). More recently, headset devices like Sony’s Morpheus and the Occulus Rift have made VR experiences more sophisticated and affordable. Essentially, a gaming-style computer creates images, a display headset or screen present the images to the user and a tracking platform translates the user’s movements back into the system. That’s the basic formula, but new virtual reality platforms are incorporating aromas and sensations like splashes of water to completely suspend a person’s perception of reality. ## Virtual Reality as Therapy Virtual reality is such a powerful therapy tool because of its immersive nature. It can trigger physiological and psychological reactions that are similar to what someone would experience in real life. Our lives are guided by perceptions. We experience the world around us through what we can see, hear, smell, touch and taste. So, virtual reality presents the opportunity to recreate scenarios in a controlled environment that influence our perceptions. **Related:** [Does hypnotherapy for anxiety work?](https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/specific-phobias) Although there hasn’t been a great deal of media attention placed on virtual reality psychotherapy, there are a number of service providers, government health organizations, and tech firms that are laying the groundwork for a robust VR therapy industry. One way that psychotherapists can reach new clients in the virtual domain is by creating a virtual office. VirBELA’s platform, Open Campus, allows you to host therapy sessions in a fully virtual environment. [VirBELA](https://virbela.com/) is one of the leaders in creating 3D immersive domains for collaborative interaction and learning. Business owners and individuals can create a personalize private team room with virtual office space and lounges for about $200/month. Clients and therapists can then share files and chat without having to actually see each other in the real world. Pixvana, a virtual reality solutions provider, recently announced that it would create a virtual reality therapy system for treating adolescent anxiety and depression. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, [25 percent of children](https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics) between the ages of 13 and 18 suffer from anxiety disorders. To combat these psychosocial disorders in youth, Pixvana created several virtual scenarios that provide adolescents and children with a safe space to learn coping strategies for anxiety and depression. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3og0IGHBXJAoiQBWtW/giphy.gif?resize=562%2C316&ssl=1) ## New Pathways For Coping In a November 2018 [press release](https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20181128005159/en/Pixvana-Limbix-Team-Create-Virtual-Reality-Therapy), Rachel Lanham, Chief Operating Officer at Pixvana, described their project as “an immersive and stimulating learning experience, and highly effective at communicating important messages and coping strategies. We hope this project can make a difference among teens by using technology to help break down stigmas that may exist about depression.” The University of Oxford has been combining virtual reality technology with clinical psychological science for over 15 years. Their spin-off company [Oxford VR](https://oxfordvr.org/) is working to automate therapy for phobias, psychosis and social anxiety disorders. They create virtual avatars, virtual coaches, that help potential clients face their fears. For example, you can look down at Central park from the top of a skyscraper or explore a den of poisonous snakes knowing that you are actually located in a safe environment and well out of harm’s way. ## What Will The Future Hold? By incorporating these types of treatments into traditional clinical therapy sessions, the thinking is a greater ability to help more people suffering from mental illnesses. So, will this become the norm? Guy Counseling asked Sal Raichbach PsyD of [Ambrosia Treatment Center](https://www.ambrosiatc.com/locations/west-palm-beach-drug-rehab/?ambTRK=PR) about the future of virtual reality psychotherapy. “In the real world, exposure treatments can be costly and inconvenient, and therapists can’t always escort their clients to address the source of their fear. In this case, facing threats in a virtual world is more practical and cost effective. Using VR can also alleviate some of the fears surrounding exposure therapy and could drive more individuals to address their issues.” He went on to say that “as the technology becomes better and more cost-effective, I wouldn’t be surprised to see virtual reality therapy becoming a standard form of treatment.” What do you think? Should it prove to be safe and effective for certain mental health challenges, would you be open to this approach to wellness? — Scientifically Reviewed By: [John D. Moore, PhD](https://guycounseling.com/mens-expert-media-interviews/) **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Psychotherapy, Technology, Virtual Reality --- ### [Some Men Who Cry Seen As More Manly, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/men-cry-manly-625/) **Published:** June 25, 2020 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![man crying](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/man-crying.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Crying and masculinity Are you a man who avoids crying in public? Do you hold back tears of sadness or joy, worried about how you’ll be perceived?  Have you been taught to believe that real men don’t cry? If the answer is yes, I’d like you to revisit your assumptions. That’s because a recent study published in *[Frontiers in Psychology](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02765/full)* has revealed some men who cry are viewed more manly than you think. You may be wondering who these men are? Well, what if I told you they were athletes and firefighters? Yep, that’s right, two roles that have historically been tied to masculinity. ## The Study For this investigation, Heather MacArthur, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Hamilton Psychology in New York, assessed how some people perceive guys who cry in specific situations, such as competitive sports or firefighting. She conducted two studies. Each involved vignettes of men in specific roles. Some of the stories involved firefighters. Others involved [weightlifters](https://guycounseling.com/10-best-bodybuilding-books/). And still, others were about nurses and skaters. All were rated for their masculine and feminine traits by randomly assigned participants. The results showed that the weightlifters and firefighters were viewed as emotionally stronger and more masculine than the skaters and nurses. **Remember, we are talking about crying weightlifters and firefighters.** Here is how MacArthur explained the outcome: “Overall, these results support my initial hypothesis that observers would view men’s crying more favorably when that crying occurred in a stereotypically masculine rather than stereotypically feminine context: to the extent that a man is perceived as more masculine and less feminine due to his occupational role, perceivers will also rate his tears as more appropriate and acceptable.” ![sad man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/sad-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are you a man who cries? ## Impressions At its core, MacArthur’s research suggests that crying can be seen as a masculine trait, depending on the activity the guy is involved with. But it also shows that culturally, we have a lot of work to do around gender stereotypes and toxic masculinity. Guy Counseling spoke to Lincoln Giesel, a Chicago based psychotherapist to get his impressions of the study. Giesel works with men regarding mindfulness and vulnerability. “In some ways, these findings are not surprising. The hard truth is we still have certain jobs and activities, like competitive sports, that are viewed as ‘manly’. It’s not right and times are changing. It will be interesting to see what a similar study might look like five or ten years from now,” Giesel said. “The fact that crying firefighters and weightlifters were viewed as masculine at all should be seen as progress. A decade ago, I’m not sure they would have been rated the same,” Giesel adds. There are limitations with the study that are important to point out. The relatively small sample size and age of the participants are big ones that stand out. Still, an interesting study all the same. At any rate, there you have it, folks – a new”ish” line of research on [masculine perceptions](https://guycounseling.com/makes-car-manly/). Are you a man who cries? If so, do you worry about how it will be viewed by others? **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Psychology **Tags:** Crying, Gender Roles, Masculine, research --- ### [What Dreams About Car Problems May Mean](https://guycounseling.com/car-dreams-anxiety-622/) **Published:** June 22, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dreams about cars and car problems](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/car-dream.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Dreaming about car problems? ## Trending News: What car trouble dreams may reveal   Do you have dreams about car troubles? In your dream, do you see yourself trying to pump the breaks, only to discover they don’t work? Does the ignition fail to start? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. According to a recent study published in the [International Journal of Dreaming](https://journals.ub.uni-heidelberg.de/index.php/IJoDR/article/view/67601), a large portion of people experiences car trouble dreams. But why are these dreams so common? Moreover, what do they represent? Can you learn anything from these subconscious experiences? According to the study’s abstract, “This supports the idea of Patricia Garfield that this dream type is metaphorically linked to feelings of not being in control in waking life.” In case you are wondering, Garfield is considered a worldwide authority on dreams and their meaning. She is also the head of the [Center for Creative Dreaming](https://creativedreaming.org/). Given how much we write about [cars](https://guycounseling.com/tag/dreams/) on Guy Counseling, we decided to speak to a specialist. Dr. AJ Sturges is a psychotherapist in Chicago and a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist. He’s also a [writer on this blog](https://guycounseling.com/author/aj-sturges/). “First, it is important to recognize that dreams shouldn’t be taken at face value. Instead, they should be considered symbolic in nature,” Sturges said. “When a person has dreams about car troubles, like their automobile not starting, or their breaks not working, it may speak to a deeper anxiety,” he adds. Curious if transportation symbolism has any special meaning for men, Sturges shared the following insight: “We don’t have a lot of research on this, so I can only share with you my anecdotal observations. ![car dreams meaning](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-cheap-car-tips.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Car trouble dreams ## Car problems and dreams When men dream about their car not starting, it can sometimes symbolize worries over sexual performance. Conversely, when women dream about this same dilemma, the hidden meaning often relates to concerns about not being prepared for some life event,” Sturges said. And what about the breaks not working? Can we glean anything about their meaning? “In almost all of the clients I’ve worked with, dreams that involve failing breaks symbolizes feelings of not being in control. Examples include worries about work, a relationship, or finances,” said Sturges. To better understand your dreams, experts suggest looking for themes, particularly over time. “Look for patterns and then try to draw links. A dream diary can be helpful in the process,” suggests Arlene Englander, licensed mental health at Chicago’s Wellness Source. “If you have a reoccurring dream, pay attention. It’s not just happening through happenstance. Your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something,” Englander adds. **Do you have car trouble dreams? What do you think they are about? Share your comments below.** **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Bad Dreams, cars, Dream Meaning, Dreaming, Dreams --- ### [5 Steps Men Can Take to Love Themselves](https://guycounseling.com/men-love-themselves-steps/) **Published:** May 21, 2019 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![man self love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/dog-reflective1.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Here’s how men can love themselves I’m the son of a West Texas bull rider. Translation: I grew up in a tough, high-performance, produce-for-value environment. This reality led to some unique experiences, like playing at the US Open at the age of 17. But as time went on, I realized I had lost parts of myself along the way. Because I could only measure my worth through the lens of my performance, I didn’t know how to love **all of me**. When I went through the “5 As” process I share with you below, my life was transformed. Today, I believe there is nothing more important for men to do than to love themselves. I hope you hear me: this is not a call to shut off your intensity or masculinity. [Self-love](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167202286007) is not in any way airy-fairy. It is the path to a life of fullness, and ultimately the path to a better world. When you learn to love yourself, you can use the energy within you for good, not for violence. And in the process, you create exponential results. If you are willing to go through these five steps to love yourself more—awareness, acceptance, amplify, affirm, and act—I believe your life will be transformed. Are you ready? ## Step 1: Awareness I’ll never forgot being nine years old and taking that swing at the first game of the season. The ball popped up, the pitcher caught it, and that was that. I was out. I felt a wave of emotion flood through me, and tears rose to my eyes. I slammed the bat down on the ground. Hesitantly, I looked over at my dad and immediately saw the disapproval on his face. Then I heard his words that I’ll never forget: “Dry it up and get your ass in the dugout.” And so I did. From that day on, I dried it up and hit home runs. I disconnected from my emotions, and in the process disconnected from myself. Can you relate? What’s your story of disconnection. Whatever it is, awareness allows you to reconnect to what you’ve run from or become numb to. This might sound simple, but there’s nothing more powerful than waking up to reality. The problem is that most men do not often practice awareness. But we all know what awareness feels like when we lie down at night. When we’re left with ourselves. No matter how much we try to push the emotions away, they are still there. So why not practice awareness? Wherever you are, put your phone down and scan your body. Become aware of the emotions, or [*energy in motion*](https://guycounseling.com/attract-positive-energy/), inside your body. You might feel your heart beating. Or maybe you sense a density in your chest. Good. This is the first step. You can’t move to acceptance without first being aware of what’s there. ## Step 2: Acceptance Now it’s time to accept yourself. To let go of all that judgment and criticism. To stop saying that what you feel is wrong. Why? Because what you resist persists. And only what you feel and heal can be transformed. Many men resist feeling by doing more. The false premise here is that your value is equal to how much you produce. But in doing more, do you actually feel better? I believe in a different premise: that we must accept *whatever* we feel in order to truly feel good. And guess what? The better you feel, the more you are open to receive. So are you willing to accept all of you—all of what you feel? I love to ground myself in this statement, no matter what comes up for me at any given time: *I see you and I’m here*. Practice saying that to yourself. That is the heart of acceptance. ## Step 3: Amplify What I’m going to ask you to do next is counterintuitive, but it works. Instead of running from or medicating what you feel—what you’ve become aware of and what you’ve accepted—I want you to amplify it. So many voices, including your own, are telling you to escape, but I’m asking you to do the opposite. Why? Because when you amplify your emotional energy, you can use it as fuel. This is a secret power for connected success. When I amplify the energy in my chest, it feels like a tennis ball going through a pipe. Something feels stuck, but it wants to flow through. Here’s what we have to remember: internal flow equals external results. If you want real external results, you have to flow that internal energy. Stay with the energy, whatever it is, until the body releases it in some way. You might find yourself in tears, shaking, yawning, coughing. Good. You’re amplifying, which is a key step in loving yourself. ## Step 4: Affirm Now that you’ve accepted and[ cleared the energy inside of you](https://guycounseling.com/root-chakra-affirmations/), you can affirm yourself for showing up for you. Now can say with honesty, *I am strong. I am brave. I am congruent*. Not many men get to this point because few are willing to go in and feel. But this is where you get to live *from* connection rather than *for* connection. In affirming yourself, you don’t need to reach for love or protection. You give love and protection to yourself. When I got to the point where I could affirm myself for showing up for me, I realized that I was able to fully trust myself. That was a novel feeling for me. The trust was powerful and allowed me to create deeper relational connection with myself and others. In turn, I saw a ten-fold increase in my finances. The stuck energy was flowing, and now I could see and love all of me—even the little boy that was afraid. There’s nothing more loving (or valuable) you can do than flow and resolve the scared energies inside of you. When you do, you’ll be ready to take action that changes your world. ## Step 5: Action When you live from fear, you live in a constant state of manic action. When you live from connection, you take inspired action. But how do you know when you’re taking inspired action? Now that you’ve cleared and affirmed, it’s time to listen to the impulse of the heart. You’ll know when your heart is telling you to do something—to make that call or write that proposal. Whatever it’s telling you, listen. When you take inspired action from this connected place, you are no longer acting from a place of pressure, escape, or hiding. You no longer buy into the “produce and consume” mentality. You now find yourself doing less and accomplishing more. You do what comes from your heart, and you keep the heart of the world in mind. Because you have chosen to love yourself, you’re more connected to yourself and others, and the world is a more beautiful place. You have done the work inside, and the work is producing tangible results. You’re experiencing the many rewards of self-love. — Guy Counseling would like to thank [Brandon Hawk](http://brandonhawk.com/) for his contribution in writing this post. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Affirmations, Energy, Self-Care, Self-Love --- ### [7 Ways Meditation Improves Your Marriage](https://guycounseling.com/meditation-marriage-benefits-522/) **Published:** May 22, 2019 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![marriage meditation happy couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/meditation-marriage.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How meditation benefits your marriage Is your marriage feeling a little “blah” these days? Do you have trouble expressing appreciation for your spouse? Do you feel a lack of connection? If so, you’re not alone. And the good news is, something as simple as meditation can bring your marriage to a whole new level. There are many reasons to practice relationship meditation. Studies [reveal](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/026540759301000205) that shared couple activities, such as meditation, can actually promote marital satisfaction. By doing something new together, you create a sense of excitement and connection in your relationship. These will keep your marriage feeling fresh and new and help prevent marital boredom or complacency. You do not have to meditate as a couple to reap the benefits of this exercise. Solo meditation can help boost self-esteem and self-love. Pairing an online marriage course with meditation is the perfect duo for improving your relationship. Here are 7 reasons why. ## **1. Gives you personal time** With the hustle and bustle of working, potentially raising kids, taking care of your house, and spending time with your spouse, how much time do you have left at the end of the day for yourself? Taking care of your own mental health is just as important as caring for the needs of your spouse. After all, the happier you are, the easier it will be to spread that happiness into your relationship. JAMA Internal Medicine studied the effects of mindful meditation on depressive symptoms. The study showed that after 47 trials and reviewing the 3515 participants, “Mindfulness meditation programs had moderate evidence of improved anxiety.” The research goes onto say that [meditation improves depression](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24395196), mental health issues, and ease psychological distress. Use your meditation time to explore your personal feelings and desires. Delve deeply into who you are and bask in the time you have alone to get to know yourself better. Being in-tune with yourself can help you be a better lover, partner, parent, and person. ## **2. Strengthens partner intimacy** As learned in online marriage courses, partner intimacy is so important for a healthy relationship. It boosts emotional intimacy, improves relationship satisfaction, and creates a bond of trust between partners. Meditation, when done with a partner, can be an incredibly intimate and bonding experience. Practice couple’s yoga or meditation and practice physical touch while you do so. Sit cross-legged in front of one another, hold hands, and maintain eye-contact. Studies show that [eye-contact heightens intimacy](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4105603/) and creates a sense of self-awareness. This can boost the vulnerability you experience with your partner and deepen your relationship. ## **3. Practice mindful meditation** The International Journal of Yoga found that regularly practicing yoga and meditation improves a person’s sense of peace and calm in their lives. Meditation isn’t all about humming “OMMM” while stretching awkwardly on a yoga mat. No, meditation is all about thinking deeply about a subject or question. You are thinking intently about something and giving yourself the proper time needed to process your thoughts. Online marriage courses can certainly give you something to meditate over. These courses are designed to deepen your romantic connection to your partner and improve teamwork and communication. Take an [online marriage course](https://www.marriage.com/marriage-courses/) and learn how to deepen your communication as a married couple. It also stresses the importance of building compassion, setting goals, boosting intimacy. ## **4. Boosts self-esteem** Meditation, when mixed with a form of exercise such as yoga, can also improve your self-esteem. Holding difficult positions can tone and shape your body, which can help you feel sexier. Not to mention help with losing or maintaining weight, improve balance, breathing, and your overall health. On a more personal note, by getting to know your thoughts and feelings on a more intimate level, you deepen your sense of self. Both the inner and outer person you create and discover during meditation can help boost your self-esteem and confidence. This makes you feel happier both inside and out. ## **5. Strengthens connection** Meditation is a great opportunity to disconnect from the world around you -such as your smart devices- and focus on the more important things. Studies show that partners who “phub” (phone-snub) one another are more likely to experience a decline in marital satisfaction. Phubbing and cell-phone addiction have also been shown to [heighten symptoms of depression](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2167702617723376) and other mental health issues. By meditating with a partner, you will deepen your connection and improve teamwork. Meditating alone can also strengthen your connection to yourself, your goals, and your commitment to your relationship. ## **6. Helps you remain grateful** Partners who express genuine gratitude for one another on a regular basis have [greater relationship satisfaction](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-15232-001) than those who do not. Studies show they are often more committed to their relationships, have more support for goal pursuit, and have deeper levels of partner-intimacy. As you take time to quietly meditate, focus on your partner’s positive qualities. Reminisce on your favorite memories together. Think about the strengths of your relationship. Meditating on your relationship can help you let go of the negative and be grateful for what you have. ## **7. Centers you on the here and now** Staying focused on the present without mental distractions is a skill that takes time to cultivate. By engaging in meditation, you train your mind to cope with these distractions, so they become less intense. In turn, this allows you to focus more on physical and emotional sensations that heighten your connection. Some people have come to think of meditation as a form of self-hypnosis that closely relates to erotic hypnosis. You can [learn all about erotic hypnosis by visiting this page](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-10-facts-you-might-not-know/). ## **Summary** Meditation can have many great benefits for your love life. Not only are you able to reflect on the good in your life, but meditation can also help you improve your self-esteem and strengthen your connection with your spouse. Taking an online marriage course can also be highly beneficial for strengthening your relationship. — **Author Bio-** Rachael Pace is a noted writer currently associated with [Marriage.com](https://www.marriage.com/). She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of her motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying about today’s evolving forms of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on all types of romantic connections. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. **Categories:** Mind, Relationships **Tags:** Marriage, Meditation, Relationships --- ### [Tapping Therapy Boosts Happiness and Reduces Anxiety, Says Science](https://guycounseling.com/tapping-therapy-happiness-study/) **Published:** May 23, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![tapping therapy smiling man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/tapping-happiness-eft.jpg?resize=638%2C425&ssl=1)Can tapping therapy boost your mood? ## Trending News: Tapping your way to happiness A recent study appearing in the *[Journal of Evidence Based Integrative Medicine](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2515690X18823691)* shows that tapping therapy, officially known as the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), may significantly increase feelings of happiness and reduce anxiety. The study included 203 participants from six different clinical EFT workshops. All were given psychological tests with pre and post-test measures. Follow up assessments were conducted one year later. Additionally, at one of the six workshops, participants were given a battery of medical tests to measure physiological change. ## Study Findings The results of the study were eye-popping. After taking part in EFT sessions, the following metrics were recorded: - An **increase** in happiness by 31%. - A **decrease** in anxiety by 40%. - A **reduction** of depressive symptoms by 35%. There were also improvements in resting heart rate, blood pressure and cortisol levels. ## What Is Tapping Therapy? At its core, tapping is a form of [energy psychology](https://guycounseling.com/energy-healing-benefits/) that was developed by Gary Craig. Borrowing from the world of acupuncture, the major principle of EFT is this: All thoughts and emotions are forms of energy. People who partake in EFT tap on specific body parts, also known as “energy meridians”. In turn, this helps to promote a deeper mind-body connection while reducing feelings of anxiety. Watch the video below to see a demonstration of EFT in action. Guy Counseling spoke to Kevin Cole, a certified hypnotherapist who runs the [Las Vegas Hypnosis Center](https://www.lasvegashypnosiscenter.com/) about EFT. He shared the following insights: “I often teach my clients EFT as I find it to be an incredible ‘All-Purpose Self-Help Power Tool’ that people can use on their own with great results. I’ve taught them to use it to relieve anxiety, cravings, and even neutralize the emotional charge to past trauma,” he said. Previous [research](https://espace.curtin.edu.au/handle/20.500.11937/21777) on the EFT has demonstrated that tapping has an ameliorative effect on specific forms of anxiety, such as public speaking and [test taking fears](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1550830709002766). Tapping therapy has also been shown in [clinical studies](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1550830716300799) to help some people who struggle with symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Like all studies, the research appearing in the Journal of Evidence Based Integrative Medicine has limitations. These included the absence of a control group, the reliance on self-reports (which are subjective) and the low number of follow up participants (89 out of 203). ![natural approaches to wellness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/attract-positive-energy-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Natural approaches to wellness Still, this investigation does add to the growing body of evidence that suggests tapping therapy may help some people with mood regulation and feelings of happiness. One of the things I’ve noticed in recent years is that many people are looking for natural ways to address psychological and physiological discomfort. An example can be found in [clinical hypnotherapy to reduce anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/). EFT, still considered a novel approach to wellness, is also another example. So, there you have it, folks. Tapping may help you to feel happier, reduce stress, and lower symptoms of depression. The study discussed here is entitled: *Clinical EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Improves Multiple Physiological Markers of Health*. You can find it online at [Sage Journals](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2515690X18823691). **Are you a tapper? If so, what’s been your experience? Has EFT lifted your mood? Share your comments below.** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety, EFT, happiness, Tapping --- ### [What Is Anxiety Plus How To Work Through Podcast](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-defined-coping-moving-past/) **Published:** May 27, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![what is anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-walking.jpeg?resize=745%2C496&ssl=1) ## Anxiety – a closer look At some point in your life, you’ve probably experienced some form of anxiety. Maybe it was just a little or perhaps it was a lot. The point is all of us – to a lesser or greater degree – have struggled with this life challenge. But have you ever stopped from a moment to ask yourself what anxiety is? Moreover, have you ever wondered about the relationship is between your emotions and thoughts? In this podcast, we take a deep dive into the world of anxiety and provide a working definition. We also assess its root causes and examine how [thinking distortions](https://guycounseling.com/ten-irrational-thinking-anxiety/) can amplify fear’s hold. Living with anxiety isn’t something you should be afraid of. In fact, the more power you put into trying to “get rid of it”, the greater its impact on your life. Imagine what it would be like to have a relationship with your emotions in ways that give you more control? What would it be like to de-intensify feelings of stress? If any of the above is something you’re interested in, **this podcast is for you**. It is possible to change your relationship with fear but only if you are willing to look inward. **Show Highlights:** - Anxiety defined. - Why do we feel anxious? - The primitive part of the brain and anxious thoughts. - How fear and dread grip anxiety’s hold. - Why fear can be a good thing. - The power of embracing anxiety through [acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/). - The concept of awfulizing. - Anxiety as a diagnosis. - The FEAR acronym. - Why you shouldn’t try to deny anxiety’s existence. - Learning the value of self-affirmations. - How to question irrational thinking using what questions. - How to view our anxiety through the lens of healthy behaviors. - How to take your thoughts to “Thought Court”. - Discovering how everyone has anxiety. - Learn coping strategies for working through **Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast:** [Cognitive Behavior Therapy (Amazon Link)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572247053/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1572247053&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=MPNWDPWNRBF5VIFW) [Energy Healing and Creating Change](https://guycounseling.com/energy-healing-benefits/) [The Emotional Freedom Technique](https://guycounseling.com/tapping-therapy-happiness-study/) [Challenging Automatic Negative Thoughts](https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/challenging-automatic-thoughts-positive-thoughts-worksheets/) To listen to this podcast in a different browser, [follow this link](https://soundcloud.com/guy-counseling-radio/what-is-anxiety). Recorded in Chicago. Podcast episode 4. **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** #podcast, ACT, Anxiety, CBT, fear, stress --- ### [5 Ways To Get Past Gym Fears Because of Body Image Issues](https://guycounseling.com/gym-fears-body-image-issues/) **Published:** May 29, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![body image issues and the gym](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/exercise-gym-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do you feel intimated by other guys at the gym? If you struggle with body image issues, you already know that getting yourself to the gym can create much anxiety. This is particularly true if you compare yourself to others and feel intimated by the physiques of other guys. As a counselor, I can tell you this is a theme that pops up in the counselor office frequently. The question people want to know is: *How can I stop comparing myself to others so that I can focus on me?* In this podcast, we take a hard look at this issue and how it impacts people with an eye towards men. We also assess the role of [automatic negative thoughts and thinking distortions](https://guycounseling.com/ten-irrational-thinking-anxiety/) as part of the dynamic. Imagine what it would be like to exercise, lose weight, build muscle, and focus on you without playing the toxic game of comparisons? If you are in a place of wanting to exercise at a gym but are too intimated to do it because you feel weird working out around other guys that are bigger than you, **listening to this podcast is a must**. Adopting a new mindset when going to the gym is possible but will require that you look inward and make some adjustments to your thinking. **Show highlights:** - The visual aspect of men. - The struggle of body image issues. - How the triad of self-esteem, self-worth, and body image go together. - How body image issues derail highly desired goals. - Exploring motivations for going to the gym. - Assessing why vanity can be a good gym motivator. - Creating positive affirmations to move through fears. - Developing a sense of self-compassion. - Remembering not everyone who works out is a bodybuilder. - How mindful muscle building fights back against negative thinking. - Learning how to feel the burn of the exercise. - How consistency builds confidence and results. - The real secret behind an amazing physique. - Creating the right expectations for your body and the gift of patience. - How to challenge ANT’s. **Resources/People/Places Mentioned In Podcast** Automatic Negative Thoughts Worksheet ([Therapist Aid](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/automatic-thoughts)) [Healthy ways of discharging anger](https://guycounseling.com/anger-sickness-aging-591/) [Body image issues explored (Albert Ellis Institute)](https://albertellis.org/body-image-issues/) [Quads Gym Chicago](http://www.quadsgym.com/) — Listen to the Podcast on [iTunes](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031?i=1000439979906). I’d love it if you share a review. To subscribe to my monthly newsletter, please use this [form](https://forms.aweber.com/form/89/1649439789.htm). **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety, Body Image, Exercise, Exercising, gym, health --- ### [E6: 7 Ways To Deal With Imposter Syndrome Podcast](https://guycounseling.com/e6-imposter-syndrome-podcast/) **Published:** May 31, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![imposter syndrome man in blue shirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blue-shirt-career-coach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Imposter Syndrome: When you feel like a fraud Do you ever feel like a complete fake? Ever experience the sensation that someone will expose you as a fraud? Have there been times at work where a little voice inside your head tells you that you haven’t earned your place? If any of this sounds familiar, you may be struggling with [Imposter Syndrome](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/real-women/201809/the-reality-imposter-syndrome). In psychological terms, this is the belief that you aren’t what you appear to be. When this form of anxiety strikes, the effects can be devastating. In this podcast, Dr. John Moore takes a deep dive into the phenomenon of imposter syndrome and explores some of the root causes. He’ll also walk you through seven concrete things you can do to work through this challenge. If you’ve ever worried about the imposter cops barging into your office and hauling you off to jail for being a fake, **this podcast is totally for you.** Creating positive change about your self-concept and self-view is possible, but the process doesn’t happen overnight. **Show highlights:** - A working definition of imposter syndrome - Possible causes and the role of your internal mind-tape - Examples of imposter syndrome at work - True stories of people who have struggled with this issue - My personal experiences of imposter syndrome - 5 traits of imposter syndrome from the work of Dr. Valerie Young - Assessing the role of childhood messages that get embedded in the psyche - The toxicity of perfectionism - 7 concrete steps you can take to work through - Building a circle of confidence and the power of affirmations - Creating expectations for the future **Resources/People/Places Mentioned In Podcast** - [Creating your mental circle of confidence](guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) - [Self-Work by Dr. Margaret Rutherford](https://drmargaretrutherford.com/selfwork-podcast/) - [ Valerie Young’s 5 types of imposter syndrome](https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types-of-imposter-syndrome-and-5-ways-to-battle-each-one) - [What is anxiety and tips of coping](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-defined-coping-moving-past/) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1783253061&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1783253061/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1783253061&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=37231840cb42d7cd8099f0caa6703400)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1783253061) [Listen on Apple iTunes](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031) [Listen on Google Podcasts](https://play.google.com/music/m/I4tyfevlly5lwhalx3sscynyvwu?t=Guy_Counseling_Radio) [Listen on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio) [Listen on SoundCloud](https://soundcloud.com/guy-counseling-radio/e6-7-ways-to-deal-with-impostor-syndrome) [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) This podcast was recorded in Chicago, Illinois. If you liked this podcast, please leave a rating on iTunes and include your feedback. Your comments ratings and comments keep me motivated to create more recordings. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, fake, imposter syndrome --- ### [8 Powerful Ways Men Can Increase Self-Esteem (Podcast)](https://guycounseling.com/8-self-esteem-tips-men/) **Published:** June 3, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![self-esteem](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/man-window-reflecting-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Self-Esteem Hacks for Men Struggling with low-self-esteem? Trying to create a healthier self-concept but not sure what to do? Looking for practical insight? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. [Confidence issue](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) are one of the main reasons why men seek out therapy. When left unchecked, low-self confidence can lead to all sorts of problems. Examples include general unhappiness, anger management problems, and even depression. In this podcast, Dr. John Moore dives deep into the topic of men and self-esteem and offers 8 things guys can do to create positive change. **Here are the show highlights:** - A working definition of self-esteem. - Insights from the book, *Managing Stress* by Dr. Brian Luke Seaward ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Xs9zu8)). - How early life messaging can impact your self-concept. - Alcoholic parents and childhood development - The story of Nick – a perfectionist who needed to be the best at everything. - A definition of [cognitive restructuring](https://beckinstitute.org/cognitive-restructuring-in-cbt/) with example. - An examination of the critical voice (inner critic). - How to combat your inner-critic. - Retooling and mid-career professionals, - Why “I should” statements are super damaging. - How to avoid playing the game of comparisons. - Creating mindfulness in your life to stop negative thought spirals. - The importance of diversifying your interests. - How to not put all your “self-esteem” eggs in one basket. - Learn how to ditch learned helplessness and the victim card. - Why setting short term goals and then achieving them helps to bolster your confidence and self-image. - Tips for self-empowerment. - Ideas for increasing your support systems. - How to [create a circle of confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/).![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1284036642) **Resources/People/Places Mentioned In Podcast** - [The Beck Institute](https://beckinstitute.org/cognitive-restructuring-in-cbt/) - [Cognitive restructuring handouts (Therapist Aid)](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-guide/cognitive-restructuring) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1284036642&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1284036642/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1284036642&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=10673eccdb278435459a29bb109af7a2)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1284036642) [Listen on Apple iTunes](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031) [Listen on Google Podcasts](https://play.google.com/music/m/I4tyfevlly5lwhalx3sscynyvwu?t=Guy_Counseling_Radio) [Listen on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio) [Listen on SoundCloud](https://soundcloud.com/guy-counseling-radio/e6-7-ways-to-deal-with-impostor-syndrome) [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) This podcast was recorded in Chicago, Illinois. If you enjoyed this podcast, please leave a rating on iTunes and include your feedback. The comments and ratings you leave keep me super motivated to create more recordings. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** change, Confidence, Inner Confidence, Psychology, Self-Esteem --- ### [Can Taking Ecstasy (Molly) Help Eliminate PTSD?](https://guycounseling.com/ecstasy-help-eliminate-ptsd-651/) **Published:** June 5, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Ecstasy pills](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/ecstacy-pills.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Ecstasy – a new treatment for PTSD? ## Trending News: MDMA may help sufferers with PTSD Do you struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder ([PTSD](https://guycounseling.com/ptsd-coping-strategies/))? If so, you aren’t alone. While the numbers are somewhat scattered, some [estimates](http://www.ptsdunited.org/ptsd-statistics-2/) suggest over twenty million Americans live with this mental health challenge. That’s why I was so intrigued by a [recent study published](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00213-019-05249-5) in the journal *Psychopharmacology*. Essentially, the research suggests that MDMA may substantially help some people living with PTSD – in conjunction with traditional talk therapy. Zachary Walsh, a co-author of the study and associate professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, shared the following in a [press statement](https://news.ok.ubc.ca/2019/05/30/ecstasy-shows-promise-for-post-traumatic-stress-treatment/). “These findings are promising and indicate the needed for larger studies. Too many people with PTSD struggle to find effective treatment and use of MDMA in a supportive environment with trained mental health professionals could be an important addition to our treatment options.” Investigators from the United States, Israel and Switzerland examined the results from six clinical trials involving 103 people with chronic, treatment-resistant forms of PTSD. Participants were given active doses of ecstasy that were given in combination with MDMA assisted psychotherapy. According to the results, 54 percent of participants no longer met the diagnostic criteria for PTSD after two sessions. Additionally, researchers observed marked improvements in symptoms of depression. ![Molly - is it helpful for PTSD?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/grief.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Molly – a PTSD treatment miracle? Ecstasy, which goes by the street name of Molly, is a synthetic substance made from the combination of methylenedioxy and methamphetamine. Many people use “X” (nickname) to enhance their mood and imaginative experiences while attending parties, concerts, and other events. The results of this study have not gone unnoticed by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. They have granted MDMA-assisted psychotherapy as a breakthrough therapy designation for PTSD, noting that it, “may demonstrate substantial improvement over existing therapies”. In short, this means the agency is agreeing to expedite its development and review. Guy Counseling spoke to licensed psychotherapist [Costa Provis](https://tinyurl.com/y57yoy2y) about this study to gain his insights. Provis works with clients in his Chicago office who live with PTSD. “The findings from this study are promising. Still, we need to see more research about the use of MDMA in the treatment of mental health challenges, including PTSD,” says Provis. “What are the risks associated with taking this substance? While it may help with the treatment of PTSD, does it cause other problems?” he adds. In May of this year, a two-part series on the use of MDMA in the treatment of PTSD and other mental health issues aired on “[The After Podcast](https://podcastnotes.org/2019/05/24/doblin-1/)”. If you are interested in learning more about this type of therapy, the show is worth checking out. So, there you have it, folks. It seems very possible that MDMA may be sanctioned (under highly controlled circumstances) as a form of treatment for PTSD. Would you consider partaking in MDMA-assisted psychotherapy? Feel free to share your thoughts below in the comments. **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Psychology **Tags:** Club Drug, Ecstasy, Molly, PTSD --- ### [What's Your Love Style Plus Serious Penis Shame In Men (Podcast)](https://guycounseling.com/love-styles-shame-manhood/) **Published:** June 5, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![love styles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/attractive-man-cigar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Love styles in romantic relationships What type of lover are you? Do you instantly attach to another you are romantically interested in? When you meet someone, is it the physical attraction that sucks you in? Falling in love and creating emotional bonds is a complicated topic. Philosophers and scholars have written about it for years. Know how you attach to another can help you gain better insight on your attachment style. In this podcast, Dr. John Moore dives deep into Lee’s Love styles and walks through six typologies related to love. As part of the discussion, he’ll also draw links between early childhood experiences and attachment styles. Finally, Moore answers an email from a younger man who is struggling with a serious case of penis shame. It’s so bad for him that [his confidence is shot](https://guycounseling.com/approach-women-confidence/). If these topics sound interesting to you then you’ll want to tune into this episode of Guy Counseling Radio. **Show Highlights** - An exploration of Lee’s love styles - A quick tour of each attachment typology - Exploring how the way we love is learned - Insights about healthy verses unhealthy approaches to romance - Love blueprints assessed - Personal behaviors in romantic relationships - Listener email about a case of penis shame - The truth about “size” and what is considered average - The story of “Billy” and how he was shamed in high school for his size - Discussion on why size isn’t at important as what you do with it - New trend on men injecting themselves with dermal fillers **Resources/People/Places Mention In Podcast** - [Lee’s Love Styles](http://www.psychologycharts.com/six-love-styles.html) - [Love style quiz from the University of Washington](courses.washington.edu/psii101/genin…/lovetest.pdf) - [Confusing Love with Obsession (Amazon)](https://www.amazon.com/Confusing-Love-Obsession-Being-Control/dp/1592853560) - [What science says about size from Live Science](https://tinyurl.com/y26sln8h) - [Injections for your manhood (Web MD)](https://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/guide/alprostadil-treat-ed#1) - [Dermal fillers to increase your size (Northstar Medical)](http://nstarmedical.com/patelet-rich-plasma-prp.shtml) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1592853560&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1592853560/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1592853560&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=da70ee39cc7b5942be07c5e3de7a0fa3)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1592853560)[**Listen on Apple iTunes**](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031) [**Listen on Google Podcasts**](https://play.google.com/music/m/I4tyfevlly5lwhalx3sscynyvwu?t=Guy_Counseling_Radio) [**Listen on Stitcher**](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio) [**Listen on SoundCloud**](https://soundcloud.com/guy-counseling-radio/e6-7-ways-to-deal-with-impostor-syndrome) [**Listen on Spotify**](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) This podcast was recorded in Chicago, Illinois. If you liked the contents of this show, please leave a rating on iTunes and include your feedback. Your comments ratings and comments keep me motivated to create more recordings. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Podcasts, Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** Anxiety, Love Styles, Romantic Love --- ### [10 Things Depression REALLY Hates That You Do! (Podcast)](https://guycounseling.com/things-depression-hates/) **Published:** June 7, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![things depression hates](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/things-depression-hates.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 10 Things Depression Truly Hates Do you struggle with depression? Hunting for ways to help you work through and feel better? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. While the numbers are somewhat scattered, current estimates suggest depression [322 million people worldwide](https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression) live with some form of depression. But what if you could change the dynamic? Are there things you can do to fight back against depression and feel empowered? The answer is yes and here’s why: there are specific activities you engage in that depression hates! In this podcast, Dr. John Moore offers a broad overview of the symptoms of depression. Additionally, he walks listeners through 10 specific activities that make depression run for the hills. ### Show Highlights - 8 symptoms of depression - A discussion of the importance of visiting a medical doctor to rule out medical causes for a down mood - An exploration of 10 things depression doesn’t want you to know - The [insidious nature of depression](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) - How depression lies to you and tells you things that aren’t true - How depression distorts the way you see yourself - The importance of a circle of support - The benefits of talk-therapy and how it causes depression to become terrified - The role of mindfulness in depression - The use of physical activity and how it helps to repel depression - Why depression loves when people don’t take their medications - How acceptance of depression paradoxically minimizes its impact - The role of your diet and the battle against depression - Why shame about depression is so caustic ### **Resources/People/Places Mentioned In Podcast** - The original article of 10 things depression doesn’t want you to know ([PsychCentral](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/11/10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know/)) - [DSM criteria for depression (Psycom)](https://www.psycom.net/depression-definition-dsm-5-diagnostic-criteria/) - [What is anxiety podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031?i=1000439979906) - [Foods that fight back against depression](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/diet-recovery#1) - [National Suicide Prevention Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) - [Find a therapist in your area on Psychology Today](https://psychologytoday.com) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0380810336&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0380810336/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0380810336&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=56d559b2200936322479a7cbd65eb16e)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0380810336) [Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e8-10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know/id1465473031?i=1000440188117) [Listen to on Google Play Music](https://play.google.com/music/m/Dv2mvosjlxt4gaz6iy5lrtuk4qq?t=E8_10_Things_Depression_Doesnt_Want_You_To_Know-Guy_Counseling_Radio) [Listen to on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/e/61479726) [Listen on SoundCloud](https://soundcloud.com/guy-counseling-radio/e8-10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know) [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/episode/0QHneYBtFGnsUo96SEcYog) This podcast was recorded live in Chicago, Illinois. If you liked listening to this podcast, please feel free to leave a rating on iTunes and include your feedback. Your comments help me to stay motivated and create new content. Thanks for stopping by the blog! **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety. Mood, Depression, Self-Help --- ### [10 Signs You Have People Pleasing Syndrome (Podcast)](https://guycounseling.com/people-pleasing-syndrome-e13/) **Published:** June 8, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![people pleasing syndrome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/workout-journal.jpg?resize=660%2C381&ssl=1) ## Are you a people pleaser? Do you have hard a time saying no to others? Does it feel like people use you for your gifts and abilities? Is it a struggle to put yourself first and others second? If the answer is yes, you may have **people pleasing syndrome**. It’s a topic that’s not often discussed and widely misunderstood. Moreover, some folks think of people pleasing syndrome as an issue that impacts women (almost) exclusively. But here is the deal – it affects men, too. In this podcast, Dr. John Moore walks through people pleasing syndrome in detail. He offers the 10 signs you may have this problem, based on the work of Amy Morin from Psychology Today. He also offers three ways to move through this life challenge and go about the business of change. Towards the end of the show, he’ll read an email from a listener who shares his feelings of deep shame about cheating on his wife. **Show Highlights:** - A definition of people pleasing syndrome - Potential root causes of the problem - Moore’s personal insight about his own struggle with people pleasing - How family can influence the need to please later in life - The recognition of how people pleasing syndrome is an equal opportunity destroyer - Recognizing the power of NO - Accepting the fact not everyone is going to like you - An empowering affirmation to encourage self-love - The paradox of needing to be liked and attracting narcissists - The importance of being your genuine self - Why you should [never let someone get into the habit of disrespecting you](https://guycounseling.com/comfortable-disrespect-933/) - Listener confession about a man who cheated on his wife - Dealing with shame **Resources/People/Places Mentioned In Podcast** - 10 signs of people pleasing ([Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201708/10-signs-youre-people-pleaser)) - The disease to please by Dr. Braiker ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2I5b505)) - [General Social Survey on Cheating ](https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america) - Finding a therapist in your area ([Good Therapy](https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html)) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0071364102&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0071364102/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0071364102&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=d1cb59f325a4affe8b90520dc4293666)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0071364102)[Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/id1465473031?i=1000439979906) [Listen on Google Play Music](https://play.google.com/music/listen?u=0#/ps/I4tyfevlly5lwhalx3sscynyvwu) [Listen on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/e/61479726) [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) This podcast was recorded live in Chicago, Illinois. If you liked the podcast, please feel free to leave a rating on iTunes and include your feedback. Your comments keep me motivated to create new shows. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Coping, People Pleaser, People Pleasing, Self-Esteem, Self-Help --- ### [Are Men Addicted To The Internet More Than Women?](https://guycounseling.com/addicted-internet-men-6-8-1/) **Published:** June 8, 2019 **Author:** Joe Burgett **Content:** ![internet addiction men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-on-computer.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Internet addiction research Are men more addicted to the internet than women? It seems that one study, which used several other studies to determine their case, [believes that is the case](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563219301694#!). It was led by researchers Su Wenliang, Han Xiaoli, Jin Cheng, Yan Yan, and Marc N. Potenza. Wenliang, Xiaoli, Cheng, and Yan all work within the School of Humanities and Social Sciences at Fuzhou University. Dr. Potenza, however, works for the Department of Psychiatry & the Department of Neuroscience at Yale University. The study was quite diverse, using exactly 204, 352 men and women from 34 countries or regions from 115 independent effect sizes of gender-related differences in Internet Addiction tendencies. Each previous study they used for this particular Internet Addiction study had sample sizes that ranged from 100 people involved to 33, 211. Around half of these people (48.1%) were male. They involved various age groups too from adolescents to adults, some in school and others in the workforce. Numerous characteristics, measures, and effect sizes were recorded for each sample in the testing both in the previous study and the current. The reason for the team’s testing here was to find some relation globally with Internet Addiction as the other studies were mostly involving people in particular areas. They felt that addressing the gap in knowledge from the previous studies would determine things they did not. This led them to use things like the Global National Index, including the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) per capita and internet penetration. They also studied gender-related gaps in economies, alcohol consumption, smoking prevalence, life satisfaction, and suicide rates. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3o7H56TgZkKOwqSjlK/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ### **Man vs Woman: The Study** The study found that there was a small, but clearly present, Internet Addiction through random-effects as small as 0.145 concerning gender differences. Meanwhile, they also found that Asia had the highest gender-related reasoning behind their numbers with 0.208. Interestingly, North America had the lowest at -0.049. Meta-regression was able to uncover that smaller effect sizes were observed in nations with greater GDPs as well as higher internet penetration. They found that internet availability and social norms theory was supported positively when relating to gender differences. **Related:** [Can taking molly eliminate PTSD?](https://guycounseling.com/ecstasy-help-eliminate-ptsd-651/) These differences were in the areas of economic measures, internet penetration, smoking amount, and alcohol consumption. Yet the psychological well-being was not supported, therefore there were not enough or no gender-related differences in life satisfaction or suicide rates. Finally, the major findings were that economic factors, the availability of the internet, social norms, and some addiction-related health factors may have some impact on Internet Addiction comparing men and women. That means that their global numbers were able to determine similar results to the national studies here and there. However, when adjusted to fit the factors above, they were not able to connect gender to Internet Addiction massively. At least, not on a global scale. They only could in a small way. This is why they said “may” in the language of the study. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3otOKlQbXcD80ayJ9e/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ### **Factors Not Considered: The Type Of Internet Use** One of the most common issues with studies like these is that they leave out a LARGE chunk of information regarding things you’d like to know. The team here was merely trying to find Internet Addiction based on previous studies done across the world. The hope was that they could find something to use that connected everything to have global numbers over just the national. It was a nice thought, but the questions here are pretty simple. What do you consider to be internet use? Does this connect to ALL internet use or just certain material? The world is going digital, therefore, most things are going to be streaming online. This means you’re going to see both men and women use the internet for stream services quite often. Whether that is using Netflix and Hulu or TV services like Sling or YouTube TV. We also have to consider gaming online. This is not just online play with your buds on Call of Duty either. This includes poker games online, fantasy sports, and so many other factors. To top it off, this does not consider the concepts of where people use the internet and why they might be using it. Many people have jobs where they have to work on a computer as part of their job each day. It is likely that they’ll use the internet while on the job, as most tend to do. Many companies know this, which is why they block various sites from use while you’re at work. However, a person can merely use their phone in cases like this. People may be using their phone on a given day to access the internet for social media, which some can be on for hours at a time without thinking. They may even use the internet for filling out job applications. In our case, we’re a website that puts out content for you to read up on. Our job is working online, so are we addicted to the internet? Does anyone that falls under any of those categories above seem like internet addicts to you? The amount someone is online can certainly be a factor, however, it might help to know what they are actually doing online. If we do not know, how do we know they are addicted? On another note, if they are on places like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter a lot in a given day…this may not be an internet addiction. It very well could be a social media addiction, which is a proven thing that can and frequently does happen in both men and women internationally. They used kids and adults in this study, meaning they are using people who could fall under any of those categories listed above. None of which comes off addictive. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l0Iy06qV00UqTDZNS/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ### **Factor To Consider: What Is An Internet Addiction?** Addiction is frequently defined as the mind or body feeling it needs something that it actually does not. This means that you are only addicted when there is not a use for something and you’re using it. Remember, an addiction relates to you wanting something and not needing it. This is a very important distinction, as a want and need are not the same things. Whether it’s substance abuse, sex, or anything really. Funny enough, people assume addiction is only related to drugs. In reality, there are hundreds of things people have been addicted to over the years. This is why we can define “addiction” as a disease. Once the brain or body finds itself needing something it does not, that is the determining factor that lets you know a person needs help. For drugs, it’s easy to spot. However, one could be addicted to video games, for example. This could include a person playing for 10 to 18 hours a day. However, if they have a week off or if they have nothing better to do, is an all-day gaming binge a bad thing or an addiction issue? Likely not. This is also important to remember. Therefore, what do we consider an internet addiction to actually be? Plus, can one actually be addicted to the “internet” overall or can they only be addicted to parts of it? The internet is within the framework of nearly everything, especially in North America and many other developed nations around the world. That means you’ll access the internet for work, access it for entertainment, and access it even to have conversations with people at times. Heck, many access it for dating! Therefore, with the internet needs being more common than ever before, there is a problem here. If addiction is supposed to be something the mind or body wants yet feels like it needs, even though it does not, how could the internet be part of this? It’s an actual need, not just a want. If we consider this, it means that neither a man or woman, not any age group, can actually have a true addiction to the internet. They could only have an addiction to certain parts of it, such as playing games online, social media, and so much more. ### **Bringing it all together** When considering Internet Addiction, it is truly hard to actually study. As mentioned, you have to think about so many factors behind why there might be an addiction as well as if it’s possible to merely be addicted to the blanket term of “the internet.” This means that claiming men are more addicted than women is also problematic. With a flawed study, you get flawed results it seems. While both men and women work, for many societies, as long as the man is making good money, the woman can stay home. This means that he’ll own everything and therefore have most things in his name. That means, if you look up all who have certain online services, more men could pop up over women. On top of this, if men are truly working more, then they may also be on their computers for work throughout a given day. That’s at least 8 hours of internet time or more for the average man, per day, just on his work computer. Meanwhile, men like to play video games online with friends. They may only do this for a few hours in a given day. But if it’s 4 hours and this is done over 7 days, they put in 28 hours of video game streaming that week. To some, that could come off as addictive even when it’s not. With all of the factors that get in the way of this study, it is truly difficult to ever make the clear determination that men are more addicted to the internet than women. Even more so, it is hard to even claim there is even such a thing as an Internet Addiction to begin with. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Addiction, Internet, Web --- ### [E14: Trauma Disorders – PTSD, Men and Ridding Shame](https://guycounseling.com/trauma-disorders-ptsd-men-shame/) **Published:** June 11, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![ptsd men shame](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/ptsd-military-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men with PTSD – A Closer Look Are you a man with PTSD? Do you think you’ve suffered some type of trauma? Wondering what you can do about it? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, also known as PTSD, is a serious trauma disorder that impacts millions of people each year, according to some [estimates](http://www.ptsdunited.org/ptsd-statistics-2/). While women tend to be diagnosed with trauma disorders at a higher rate than guys, there’s lots of data to suggest that incidents of PTSD are vastly underreported. In the case of men, there has been a historical struggle with talking about the effects of trauma on their lives. There are several reasons for this that mostly relate to cultural and societal causes. In this podcast, Dr. John Moore walks listeners through the basics of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in detail. A working definition of this mental health challenge is given in an easy to understand, straightforward way. ### SHOW HIGHLIGHTS - A basic definition of PTSD synthesized from the DSM-5. - A discussion about why trauma can be so insidious in a person’s life. - How unhealthy coping strategies are formed. - An assessment of possible causes of PTSD and the myth that this type of trauma only happens to men in the military. - The true story of “Adam” – a former combat veteran who had a severe case of PTSD. - The role of the conscious and subconscious mind and traumatic events. - Steps for working through trauma. - What to look for in a helper when reaching out for support. - Why cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) or one of its offshoots, like ACT and DBT can be helpful. - A quick discussion of coping strategies, including the [Emotional Freedom Techniques (tapping)](https://guycounseling.com/energy-healing-benefits/). - An exploration about why getting support is so important to the healing process. - Why you shouldn’t hand over your metaphorical wheel to shame. - Email from a listener who just graduated from college and unsure what to do with his career. - A quick overview of the Career Profiler and how it can be used to identify your career personality type. ### RESOURCES/PEOPLE/PLACES MENTIONED IN PODCAST [Long Term Deployments and Stress (Slide Share)](https://www.slideshare.net/johndmoore1/long-term-deployments-and-stress) [Diagnostic criteria for PTSD from DSM-5 (Brainline)](https://www.brainline.org/article/dsm-5-criteria-ptsd) [PTSD and gender from Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201809/why-women-have-higher-rates-ptsd-men) [National Center for PTSD](https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/peer_support.asp) [Online PTSD Support Group (PsychCentral)](https://psychcentralforums.com/post-traumatic-stress/) [The Hidden War: PTSD and the Front Line (Amazon)](https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-War-PTSD-F%E2%80%A6nes/dp/1604152680) [Veterans with PTSD: How horseback riding helps](https://guycounseling.com/veterans-ptsd-horseback-riding/) [Career Profiler Assessment (Your Next Move)](https://www.mynextmove.org/explore/ip) [What’s Your Career Personality Type?](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/20%e2%80%a6onality-type/) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1604152680&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1604152680/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1604152680&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=a602c3deaa05fe79668c05b34e11801c)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1604152680)[Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e14-ptsd-and-men-getting-help-and-ridding-shame/id1465473031?i=1000441097859) [Listen on Google Play](https://play.google.com/music/m/Dsodrsims3siueft55rtb2ei7tm?t=E14_PTSD_and_Men_-_Getting_Help_and_Ridding_Shame-Guy_Counseling_Radio_Self-Help_For_Men) [Listen on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/e/61479726) [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) This podcast was recorded in Chicago, Illinois, USA. Please leave a review on iTunes or wherever you may listen. Your reviews keep me motivated to continue producing these shows. I’d love to hear your show ideas. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling! **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, military, PTSD, Shame, stress, Trauma --- ### [Are Men Overworking Themselves To Death? One Study Says Yes](https://guycounseling.com/men-overworking-death-612/) **Published:** June 12, 2019 **Author:** Joe Burgett **Content:** ![overworking men study](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/man-working.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: How much work is too much? In 2019, one would assume that working and at least having a job should be commendable. However, despite what some claim to be a booming economy, more men are now working harder than before. In fact, it is now being said that men are overworking themselves to death. The reasoning for this is likely numerous, so one study was done to look into it. The Canadian Men’s Health Foundation was behind the study, which found men were [constantly working themselves into an early grave](https://menshealthfoundation.ca/menshealthweek/2019/press-release/). The team found that 81% of men, when asked, claimed that their job was stressful. Meanwhile, 60% of the men in the study claimed that their job was causing them some form of anxiety. In fact, those same people also said that they were losing the obviously valuable sleep. Of course, sleep is important to the human body. This is how the body heals from different problems it might have, especially some sicknesses. The brain also needs time to turn off from its normal use as well. The same study found that sleep, or any lack of it, influence creative thinking, the ability to work through problems, and even the potential to learn. ## **Why Are Men Overworking Themselves To Death?** To answer the title question regarding why men are overworking themselves to death, we first have to look at the facts of this study. The Chairman of the CHMF, Dr. Larry Goldberg, pointed to a number of things concerning about me. He mentioned that most men do not seem to be aware of their poor eating habits, coping methods, or bad sleep patterns. He sums it up by saying in a press release:”Many men don’t realize they’re being unhealthy.” Essentially, the study was able to determine that the lack of knowledge or acceptance of issues were ultimately causing the biggest issue. Meanwhile, if men were considering these important factors more, one would conclude that they’d do something about it. Likely the biggest issue, and most concerning, is the pressure put on men to “suck it up” and to avoid their own health. It has been a pattern for years to see men avoid their own personal problems and health. All of this simply being done out of the pressure to provide for their families or pressure to move up in their career, likely even both. We’ve all had that father or father-like figure who we can relate to this. ## **Men Are Working Themselves Sick** It seems like an easy thing to notice. Our fathers often never missed work or went to work while sick. You may only remember a handful of times your father stayed home from work outside of holidays or time off planned in advance. This too seems to be an issue for men. On top of these issues, men are seemingly working too many hours overall. The study looked at this especially and found that 60% of men claim to work while sick, 61% skipped possible breaks in order to get in more work, while a good 29% admitted to skipping breaks three or more days a week. At this rate, it was determined some may avoid breaks altogether. The worst part was that a solid 30% of men admitted to even working while they were supposed to be on vacation. Wayne Hartrick, President of the Canadian Men’s Health Foundation said regarding this: “These additional hours not only add to their stress, but the decrease in recreational or downtime also prevent \[sick\] men from having the opportunities to relax and de-stress.” At this rate, it is not a wonder why we’re seeing a story like men overworking themselves to death. However, the study revealed even more terrible news. ## **Nearly Half Admit To Skipping Meals** That’s right, nearly half of all men in the study admitted to skipping a meal at least once a week during work. Even worse, one-fifth of the men claimed that they skipped at least three or more during a given a week. Simply put, when you take away much-needed sleep and then take away clearly needed food, it is not a wonder men are dying younger. It has already been concluded that stress and anxiety related to a job can cause men to lose their hair or see it turn grey/white earlier in life. In fact, this can happen as soon as the mid to late 20s. There has also been a link to several issues related to men overworking themselves. Overworking leads to several issues with links to heart disease, depression, obesity, low testosterone, and even erectile dysfunction as well as Type 2 Diabetes! That is a murderer’s row of horrible issues men are dealing with, many of which men are dealing with due to their job. The question is, how can men avoid these issues? ## **How Can We Do Better?** It is quite clear that men overworking themselves is an issue that needs to be addressed. Some would say the simple answer to the problem was to, ya know, not overwork yourself. However, the simple answer is not always the right one. Most experts say to take baby steps stepping back a bit from working so much. Researchers claim that drinking more water will be useful while working. You can skip meals at times but not drinking water or being hydrated enough during a given day can lead to a lot of issues. That means you’d be better off having bottles of water near you or on your desk while working, so you drink it throughout the day. **Related:** [Best self-help podcasts for depression and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) It is also recommended to step away from your job for a bit during the day and take a short walk. This can be useful to do while you’re having a meeting over the phone or if you’re wearing a headset. The big goal of this is to bring some activity into play, which keeps you from getting overweight. Combined with this, it is recommended to eat fewer foods that contain sugar and salt. On top of this, steer away from junk food and try to grab healthier snacks. It is also scientifically proven that an apple in the morning can wake you up faster or as efficient as coffee. Plus, there is no drop as the fructose wakes you up but does not cause any sort of crash. ## **We Can Stop The Pattern Of Men Overworking Themselves** It seems to be quite clear that only we can stop the pattern of men overworking themselves. If we don’t, many of us will end up in an early grave. It could even be worse, you could be alive but suffer through the various issues mentioned above like erectile dysfunction, depression, and diabetes. We need to end the pattern now and all of us are responsible in the end. For employers, force employees to have off days that do not include work or work-related activities. Make it a forced action for employees to have an hour or two of break time in a given day. Many places only offer 30 minutes for a lunch break, even for full-time employees. Some offer an hour but sort of push it as a “lunch while working” type of thing. This needs to end if nothing else. Thus, employers have the ability to force change. However, as an employee, you have the power. That means if you want to stop the issue of men overworking themselves a bit, start with yourself. Move on to another job if you must, as your health is more important than a job you hold. Even if you might need the work, is it enough to die young with only a resume to show for it? **Categories:** Mind, News, Psychology **Tags:** Balance, Death, research, Study --- ### [E15: 7 Assertiveness Skills + Do I Have a Drinking Problem?](https://guycounseling.com/assertiveness-skills-drinking/) **Published:** June 13, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![assertiveness skills](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/attractive-bearded-man-suit.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **How to grow your assertiveness skills** Hoping to increase your assertiveness skills? Are you the type of person who struggles to share what you think and feel? Tired of being thought of as the “shy guy?” If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. A lot of people, particularly men, are interested in upping their assertiveness skills but are unsure of what to do. This is particularly true for folks who need to be more direct in the workplace and in romantic relationships. But how can you be assertive without coming off as aggressive? Is there a middle ground that strikes the right balance? The answer is – yes. In this podcast, Dr. Moore walks you through assertiveness in a straightforward, easy to understand way. He’ll also answer a listener email from a man who is wondering if he has a problem with alcohol. ### SHOW HIGHLIGHTS - What it means to be assertive - The primary differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness - [People pleasing syndrome](https://guycounseling.com/people-pleasing-syndrome-e13/) - The case of “Michael” and problems with assertiveness - Why learning to say no is an important skill - How to properly use “I statements” with examples - Learning how to make eye contact - The role of body language in communications - Why you should learn the art of peaceful disagreement - Why manipulation is a poor way approach to assertiveness - Responding vs. reacting and why smart communicators respond - The cultural role in communication - What “use” means with substance abuse - The construct of alcohol abuse and what it means - An overview of alcohol dependence - Why alcohol dependence requires can cause serious health problems for someone wanting to stop drinking - Why working with a trained professional for alcohol addiction is critical to the process of change - How labels like “addict” aren’t always helpful ### RESOURCES/PEOPLE/PLACES MENTIONED IN PODCAST [7 major Alpha male traits revealed](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) [How to make “I Statements” (Therapy Aid)](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/i-statements) [Native Indians, culture and communication (eye contact)](http://www.usep-ohio.org/native-americans.html) [How to engage in active listening (Very Well Mind)](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-active-listening-3024343) [Yes, alcohol withdrawal can kill in severe cases](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-addiction/201001/alcohol-benzos-and-opiates-withdrawal-might-kill-you) [Do I have a drinking problem (Very Well Mind)](https://www.verywellmind.com/could-you-have-an-alcohol-abuse-problem-3894213) [Find a substance abuse counselor (Psychology Today)](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/substance-abuse) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1572242094&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1572242094/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1572242094&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=eb9355c9ccfbf4c1b248235c028483f9)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1572242094) [Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio-self-help-for-men/id1465473031) [Listen on Google Play](https://play.google.com/music/m/Dbqk3gbwbueoahr4vuaqngb6tsy?t=7_Assertiveness_Skills_Worth_Growing__Do_I_Have_a_Drinking_Problem-Guy_Counseling_Radio_Self-Help_Fo) [Listen on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/e/61479726) [Listen on Soundcloud](https://soundcloud.com/guy-counseling-radio/assertiveness-skills-alcohol-problem) **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** aggressive, assertive, assertiveness, Communication --- ### [Beer Bellies and Men - A Closer Look at The Science](https://guycounseling.com/beer-belly-men-science/) **Published:** June 15, 2019 **Author:** Joe Burgett **Content:** ![beer belly](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/beer-belly.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: What science says about men and beer bellies It’s clear by now that many men love to have a great drink. While some men may like whiskey and other spirits, others like straight up beer. The only real problem with Beer is that, well, it makes you develop a beer belly. While beer bellies are not exactly horrible to have, they certainly aren’t useful when heading to the beach. The funny thing is that there are many women who drink beer just as much as many men. In fact, some can put away more beer than any man they know. Yet somehow, they won’t be dealing with the infamous beer belly issue. The question is, why are men developing beer bellies so often while women are not? Apparently, like most things, there is a scientific reason backing this according to a report from [Business Insider](https://www.businessinsider.com/beer-belly-scientific-reason-men-get-beer-bellies-women-dont-2019-6). First, we should not assume that beer bellies are exclusive to drinkers. In fact, many men can get a beer belly and never have a drink of alcohol. The reason behind this happens to be due to fat storage. ## **Men Store Fat Weird Compared To Women** If you need to compare men and women and find an area that they excel more in, it’s likely in the world of fat storage. Essentially, it is visceral fat that men have to worry about. Visceral fat is simply the fat stored in the abdomen. It is located near a lot of very vital organs to the human body. **Related:** [Reducing alcohol can help you stop smoking](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-smoking-cessation-1228/) This includes the liver, stomach, and intestines. The real harm about this version of fat is that it can build up in the arteries too. This very well could be why men deal with heart disease at a higher rate than women. Our fat storage is so different in comparison that we can see fat stored in arteries, thus clogging them and leading to multiple sicknesses or diseases. Essentially, beer bellies are just a sign that your body is storing fat. It is merely doing so in the Visceral form. However, women do not store fat in their bellies as men do. They actually store their fat throughout their body. It can be found in a woman’s legs, hips, and arms. Basically, it is spreading throughout the body. This allows them to not get beer bellies but it could lead to extra fat being stored in their hips and legs. ## **The Harm Beer Bellies Can Cause** Due to beer bellies being caused by Visceral fat, it should not be overlooked as just a little extra belly fat. No one is saying you need to go to the gym and get a six pack to be healthy. Although, if you can get one, why wouldn’t you? Basically, the [Visceral fat](https://www.healthline.com/health/visceral-fat) problem, if not addressed as quickly as possible, could lead to more problems than you’d think. Remember how we mentioned this version of fat is stored near vital organs like the stomach, liver, and kidneys? You need to consider a few things. This is important, so put that beer down and listen up men. We’re about to tell you stuff that can save your life, literally. Visceral fat actually can be horrific on the body. The fat can wrap itself around your kidneys, liver, and intestines. This is where it will release hormones that will actually disrupt their normal function. If this happens, it could lead to some horrific problems you would not even put on your worst enemy. This fat can lead to heart disease as mentioned above, but it can also lead to things like Type 2 Diabetes. Even worse, it can even lead to cancer. The type of cancer it can cause might very well be numerous since it has access to main arteries. You’re more likely going to see Tumors from this than other things. However, you can also expect things like Colon Cancer, Rectal Cancer, Pancreatic Cancer, and possibly even Lung Cancer. What’s worse is that there is a potential for it to spread and cause several other issues. Are beer bellies worth that? We think not! ## **How You Can Avoid Beer Bellies** How can you avoid beer bellies? You don’t have to just stop drinking beer or other alcohol altogether. The best thing one can do is drink in moderation but simply do it less than you currently do. If you party every weekend, perhaps make it every other weekend, for example. Eating healthier throughout the week can also be useful. Have a burger or hotdog if you want, but set out a few days where you eat healthier or cleaner/leaner foods. For example, instead of having spaghetti that uses hamburger meat, try using turkey meat instead. This gives you the same type of food but you have an automatically healthier option here. Obviously, the biggest thing you can do is exercise. This does not have to be going to the gym for 5 hours a day like [Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson](https://guycounseling.com/dwayne-johnson-depression-0404/) does. Rather, you can gradually build up to what Rock does or you can do things that fit you. Walking or running for 10 minutes to an hour can be useful. Sit-ups and other obvious exercises can be beneficial too. Due to how we store fat, men cut weight much easier. It’s one location mostly, so a lot of this is just about doing the right things to cut weight. Trust us when we say beer bellies are not a good thing. You MUST do all you can to get rid of it before the Visceral fat does its thing. Who would want that? **Categories:** Mind, Nutrition **Tags:** Beer, beer bellies, bellies, belly, Cancer, fate storage, female, health, healthy eating, Heart Disease, male, male health, Men, Men's Health, type 2 diabetes, type two diabetes, visceral fat, Women --- ### [Are Dads Spending Enough Time With Their Kids?](https://guycounseling.com/are-dads-spending-enough-time-with-their-kids/) **Published:** June 16, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![dads father children](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/father-dad-baby.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study shines light on dads and quality time with children Father’s Day is being celebrated worldwide on Sunday, June 16th but studies suggest that fathers aren’t spending enough quality time with their children. Admittedly, dads have increasing pressure to be the financial providers for their household. Plus, the family unit just isn’t what it used to be. Children these days have more distractions than kids twenty years ago. Also, mothers and fathers are spending less time with their children due to work constraints. A Pew Research Center [survey](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/12/fathers-day-facts/ft_19-06-10_fathersday_2/) conducted in 2017 found that 6 in 10 dads reported spending too little time with their children. There were several reasons. Sixty-three percent of those fathers cited work obligations as the main cause. Fathers4Justice commissioned [a study](https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/2019/06/12044/) this year in the United Kingdom that found that 4 in 10 dads haven’t seen their children on Father’s Day. If the survey results were expanded worldwide, then that amounts to over 2 million father’s who won’t be spending crucial time bonding with their children this year. The importance of bonding with your children can’t be overstated. “Remember that the most important aspect of your time together is allowing the child to have a sense of relying on you, and the security that comes with knowing that you are consistently there,” says [Karen L. Garvey](https://www.karengarvey.com/), mother of three, author and intuitive parenting coach. Fatherhood just comes naturally to some dads. These super dads seem to intuitively know how to raise happy, well-adjusted children. On the other hand, some fathers need help in finding activities that facilitate the bonding experience. ## Ideas for Bonding with Your Toddler A toddler can challenge your patience and creativity with all their energy and inquisitiveness. Karen L. Garvey lends some additional advice in this regard. “Bonding with toddlers can be tricky when you consider their short attention span, and perhaps yours, for activities geared to this age group. Gear your child toward activities that you enjoy based on your preferences, such as crafts, music, building toys, dress-up, etc. You are more likely to be the most engaged.” Then, there’s the debate over screen time. Experts are divided over whether screen time is truly bad for a young child’s development. **Related:** [Are you ready to become a dad?](https://guycounseling.com/new-father-reflection-questions/) The prevalent theory is that sitting your child down in front of a computer, smartphone or tablet impairs their cognitive and social development. Yet, when you actively engage with your child through technology, this can have the opposite effect. One way that fathers are bonding with their young children is by making mini movies with smartphones, tablets and cameras. You can use your child’s imagination and their toys to make a storyline and film it yourself. Then, you can re-watch the mini-movie together and even post it to YouTube. Check out the [Axel Show](https://youtu.be/FDFx4ApBv44) for some father-son playtime ideas. ## Happy Father’s Day Being a father is a unique privilege and Father’s Day reminds everyone of the crucial role that father’s play in a child’s growth. Either through their presence or their absence, fathers contribute to their children’s development. Recent studies reveal that fathers are concerned about the time that they spend with their children. Most often, work gets in the way, but some fathers just don’t know how to create quality experiences with their children. You can read to them, wrestle and rough-house, take field trips or make your own mini movies on a rainy day. The most important thing you can give them is your time. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Children, Dads, Fatherhood, Parenting --- ### [E17: 5 Ways To Stop Attracting Toxic People To Your Love Life](https://guycounseling.com/stop-attracting-toxic-dating/) **Published:** June 20, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![toxic people in your love life cute couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/scorpio-aquarius.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "cute young couple") ## Tired of attracting toxic romantic partners? Do you have a pattern of dating the same types of people? Historically, have the people you’ve attracted been toxic, codependent, or narcissists? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. One of the main reasons people seek out counseling is to help them understand their patterns in dating. In this podcast, Dr. Moore explores the genuine issue of attracting unhealthy partners. He dives deep into some of the causal reasons while offering five concrete steps for creating change. If you’ve ever found yourself repeating patterns in dating that leave you feeling upset and confused, this podcast is for you. Additionally, in this show, Dr. Moore answers a listener email from a young man in Wyoming who identifies he is straight but as strangely found himself attracted to another man. You won’t want to miss this part of the podcast. ## SHOW HIGHLIGHTS - Identifying toxic dating patterns - Exploring the influence of childhood relationships on romantic love in adulthood - Recognizing the traits of someone unhealthy - Drawing the link between why you are drawn to what’s familiar in relationships - Building an additional link between familiarity and comfortability - The true story of “Wade” – a client who found himself repeating an unhealthy dating style where he attracted caustic partners - A quick look at attracting emotionally unavailable people - Five specific things you can do to create change in your dating and break the toxic cycle - A self-affirmation to attract healthy love - An email from a 30-year old man who identifies as straight but has started to develop feelings for a guy at his gym - The changing dynamics of sexual orientation - Reflecting on your own journey of sexual orientation - Learning to love yourself as you are ## RESOURCES/PEOPLE/PLACES MENTIONED IN PODCAST [Confusing Love with Obsession (Amazon)](https://amzn.to/2Ktj3Cp) [Loving Kindness Meditation](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thoughts-happiness-study/) [“More Men Than You Think Identify As ‘Mostly Straight’ (The Cut)](https://tinyurl.com/y3c84c4u) [The Kinsey Institute](https://kinseyinstitute.org/) [10 Signs You Have People Pleasing Syndrome](https://guycounseling.com/people-pleasing-syndrome-e13/) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1592853560&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1592853560/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1592853560&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=ce684201b30e231bb72e10806c64813a)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1592853560) [Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/5-ways-to-break-the-cycle-of-dating-toxic-people/id1465473031?i=1000442108134) [Listen on Google Play Music](https://play.google.com/music/m/Dyue5bm6tlquqisrf3wtkl6onbm?t=5_Ways_To_Break_The_Cycle_of_Dating_Toxic_People-The_Mens_Self_Help_Podcast_From_Guy_Counseling) [Listen on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/e/61479726) [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) This podcast was recorded live in Chicago, Illinois USA. If you liked the show, please subscribe and leave a review on Apple iTunes. Your review is super important and motivates me to keep creating this type of content. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Podcasts, Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** Codependent, Dating, Patterns, Toxic, Unhealthy --- ### [5 Signs It’s Time To Take a Break From Social Media (E18)](https://guycounseling.com/time-break-social-media-e18/) **Published:** June 26, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![social media break selfie muscular man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/selfie-muscular-man.jpg?resize=681%2C454&ssl=1) ## Show notes from podcast \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”110″ \] Hello and welcome to episode eighteen of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m Dr. John Moore and I’m a clinical mental health counselor out of Chicago, Illinois. I’ve been practicing in the Windy City for about 15-years. I started this podcast because I wanted to extend the walls of my practice and reach three specific groups. The first are guys who might want the perspective of a men’s therapist about a specific life issue. The second are men who are curious about what counseling might be like. And then there’s this third group – guys who would never show up on the doorstep of someone like me, a therapist BUT might just be curious enough to tap on an app and listen to a show. But here’s the real deal, regardless of your gender or how you ended up here today, know that I am deeply grateful to have you as a listener. Now quick disclaimer – the material shared on this podcast isn’t designed to act as a replacement or substitute for mental health. So, let’s move on to today’s topic –[ social media and how it can trigger insecurity, anxiety and even depression](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio). You may be thinking this is an issue that only impacts teens but I can tell you that’s simply not true. In fact, one of the major issues that comes up in my work with men – and the people who love them – is social media. At its best, platforms like Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat can help us to feel less isolated and more connected. But if you aren’t careful, it can also act as a gateway to irrational thinking where you make unfair – and often inaccurate comparisons about your looks and lifestyle. As part of this discussion, I’ll share with you 5 ways to know it’s time to take a break from social media. To help provide context, I’ll tell you about of a former client of mine named Mark who found himself in the deep throws of depression after getting too involved with Instagram. And so, we’ll talk about that. We’ll also discuss this week’s listener’s email; a note from a guy who isn’t sure how to tell his new girlfriend that he has obsessive compulsive disorder. Lots of things to explore – I’m glad that you’re here! ## 5 Signs It’s Time To Take a Social Media Break So, when I was a boy, growing up in the South Suburbs of Chicago, my brother and I used to watch this kiddie show. I’m a little embarrassed to admit this but here it goes – the program was called *[Romper Room](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-ssWdavr9U)*. If you are of a certain age, you may remember it. It was an educational show for preschoolers that had a bunch of different characters. At the end of the show, Miss Nancy used to pull out this thing that – at least to me – looked like a giant lollipop but was really a mirror. She’d hold it up to her face, which revealed a swirl pattern. That’s when she’d say: *“Romper, stomper, bomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, did all my friends have fun at play?”* Through the magic of television, the swirl would disappear and reveal her face. That’s when she’d look through this thing and start calling out kid’s names: “I see Tommy and Amy and Billy. Oh, there’s Chris and Tina. Oh wow, I can see Nathan and Sherrie.” Now let me tell ya, when you were 5-6 years old, you actually believed she could see through that darn mirror right into your living room. While it didn’t happen often, she would occasionally say, “I see John” or “I see Frank” (that’s my brother’s name). When that happened, it was the coolest thing in the world! And it was also magical and fun all at the same time. And you know what else – it was addictive. You see, my brother and I used to run to the television when we knew Romper Room was on and wait until the end of that program, just to see if Ms. Nancy could “see us”. To this day, I still kinda wonder if that mirror wasn’t just a *little* bit magical. Well, that’s television for you. In some ways, social media was like the end of Romper Room. You know what I’m talking about, right? That immediate hit of adrenaline when someone recognizes you. Shout outs and likes are powerful things, don’t you think? Funny how a tiny bit of recognition can send us floating on cloud nine. Not long ago, I worked with a man named Mark. Well, that’s not his real name but we’re going to call him that. At any rate, Mark was a person who came to me hoping to gain insight around problems he was having with self-esteem. I don’t remember his exact age but in thinking about him now, I’d be surprised if he was a day past thirty. I’ll never forget our first session. Right in the middle of exploring goals, his smartphone went off. I think it was a chime or a beep or something like that. “Sorry me Dr. Moore, I forgot to turn this off, he said to me as he powered down his device. But as he did it, I could see a giant grin on his face. Curious, I asked him what made him smile. He explained to me that he had recently posted some pics of himself working out and that it was getting lots of likes from people, including women. As work continued in that session and in future ones, it became quickly apparent to me that social media was an important part of Mark’s life. It’s how he stayed in contact with his friends and family, plus his main way of staying in the loop with the news. Maybe you can relate? But here’s where his participation in “social” – as it’s now called” – became unhealthy. You see, Mark would regularly scroll through the photos and stories on his phone and get down on himself. He revealed to me that first thing in the morning, before he had even gotten out of the bed, he’d pick his phone up on the nightstand and start tapping on the apps. He’d check to see who liked the pics he’d posted the night before and if anyone had made any comments. He’d also scroll through in a fury, before getting ready for work, to see what was going on with people he was following. Sometimes, this would go on for 20-30 minutes, to the point that occasionally, it would make him late for work. So, here’s one thing you need to know about Mark. He had depression. In fact, he had been diagnosed with major [depressive disorder](https://www.healthline.com/health/clinical-depression#symptoms) several years earlier by a psychiatrist. And while he had contacted me for help with self-esteem, it was inescapable that he struggled with depression. Now I want to stress there’s nothing wrong with social media. Apps like Instagram and Facebook provide tons of entertainment for many people. Shoot, I’m on social media myself – occasionally. But, if you are struggling with a life challenge like depression or anxiety or simply aren’t in a good space, social media can sometimes be a real problem. In the case of depression – for some people – social can actually make you feel worse. I’m not just saying that for chips and giggles. There’s plenty of clinical research to explores this issue in detail. I’m going to put a link in show notes to a 2017 study that appeared in [Computers and Human Behavior](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563216307543) that offers more insight. Again, I’m not railing against social media. There’s plenty of positives with the different platforms to be sure. But I am suggesting that depending where you are in your life, social media may be doing you more harm than good. So, how do you know when things have become a problem? Here’s five things to consider. As I read these, know that all of them applied to Mark; something he eventually recognized as part of our work together. ### 1. You reach for social before you get out of the bed Upon waking up in the morning, do you reach for your phone to check Instagram or Facebook? Is this a regular thing, almost like a ritual? ### 2. You romanticize what you are seeing When reviewing the posts of others, do you think to yourself, “Wow, I wish I had a body life that or “Why can’t I have a life like that?” ### 3. You are addicted to “Likes” When you create a post, is your goal to “out do” your previous post with the hope of getting more likes? Does the thought of getting Likes energize you – to the point where it is addictive? ### 4. You miss important life activities in favor of social Are you running late to work or class because you can’t get off social? Do you skip out on spending time with friends or family because you can’t pull yourself away from social media? ### 5. Your phone has become an appendage When you are with friends, are you constantly on your phone? Do feel the need to take pictures and plaster them all over social while doing something mundane with someone, like a friend or when with a romantic partner? [Learn about Skinner Box](https://www.simplypsychology.org/operant-conditioning.html) and the research showing social media has been engineered to become addictive in nature. [The BBC revealed this information in 2018](https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-44640959). The rise of addictive technology ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2xeK04d)) Learn how [compulsive smartphone use](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-well-being-study-433/) is tied to a lower sense of wellbeing. [Discover why happy couples don’t blast pictures over social media](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/09/happy-couples-not-on-facebook/). [Do I have a problem drinking? Use, abuse and dependence explored](https://guycounseling.com/assertiveness-skills-drinking/). ## Should I Tell My Girlfriend I’ve Got OCD? This week’s listener email comes to us from a man in the Detroit area. He contacted me about a problem that a lot of people struggle with. I’m going to read to you what he wrote to me and then share my response. — *“Dear John,* *“I really like your podcast and thank you for putting together the different shows. I found your podcast when searching for podcasts on assertiveness skills and started listening.* *The reason I’m writing you today is because I’ve got OCD. In my case, mine is the type where I must have everything [symmetrical and orderly](https://www.ocduk.org/ocd/types/).* *Over the years, I’ve worked hard to try and not let my need to keep everything looking perfect ruin my life and I’ve made a lot of progress. Still, this issue still exists for me – with some days being worse than others.* *So, my problem is this. I recently started dating a woman I really like. We’ve only been out on a few dates but I can already tell we have chemistry.* *We haven’t gotten to the point of having sleep overs yet but if things keep going the way they are going, its very likely.* *My concern is telling her about my OCD. Should I do it? I fear that if she does spend the night, she’s going to pick up on my OCD. I’m torn because I think if I tell her, she might think I’m crazy and break things off. At my age, 40, it’s not easy meeting someone new.* *Any thoughts here?”* *Thanks,* *Feeling Misaligned* — - A disclosure of my personal struggles with OCD - The harm in hiding our mental health issues from people close to us is that “hiding them” unintentionally feeds shame and fear. And here is the thing – you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. - Remember that your OCD is just part of you but doesn’t define you - The benefits of sharing your OCD include OCD itself having less power over you. Your girlfriend also will be in a better position to support you. - In my experience, everyone has something. When we first start dating someone, it’s only natural to try and hide things about ourselves. But as the relationship continues and two people become closer, those “hidden” things have a way of revealing themselves. - How do you know your girlfriend doesn’t struggle with something? Examples include anxiety, depression or maybe even bipolar? - I’ll also share with you that trying to hide an aspect of our mental health from other often makes the symptoms stronger. [It’s called a paradox](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201805/what-s-the-ultimate-psychological-paradox). - I can’t tell you what to do but I can say that with the clients I’ve worked with who live with a mental health challenge, they’ve experienced much relief by sharing their story. I’m going to share with you an affirmation that I say to myself. It’s based on the tenets of [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/), which is an offshoot of cognitive behavior therapy. *I love and accept myself just as I am.* *Repeat* *I love and accept myself just as I am*. I’ll leave you with this to reflect on. From your perspective, you are worried about how your girlfriend might respond after revealing your OCD – meaning she might decide to call it quits. But what if you don’t reveal and over the course of time, it eventually comes out anyway – because she can see the symptoms? How do you think she’ll feel, knowing you didn’t feel comfortable enough – safe enough – with her – to share this aspect of your life? I hope this response was helpful. I’m really glad you wrote. — So, there you have my response. Maybe you have some type of mental health issue that you hide from the world and on some level can relate to what the listener shared. Can I level with you? As men, many of us are taught to not talk about our feelings and emotions and this includes mental health issues. And while things are getting better, slowly, we’ve still got a long way to go. Maybe you’ve got something going on in your own life, like a past trauma or a panic disorder. Perhaps like the listener, it’s OCD. Regardless, we have to ask ourselves how much power we are giving to our mental health challenges by concealing them from folks who are close in our lives? What would it be like to simply be open and transparent? Imagine the freedom of guilt and shame. Food for thought. ## Wrap Up We explored several different topics today, didn’t we? There were the five warning signs that it might be time to take a break from social media – like Insta and Snapchat. We also explored the issue of disclosing our mental health challenges to people who are close to us. It was a lot, don’t you think? Before we wrap up here, I want you to know there are a number of different ways to reach me. You can visit my website at guycounseling.com or – ironically, you can find me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Through the end of August, I’ve set a personal goal of trying to post one positive thing a day that relates to health and wellness. So far, I’ve been able to keep my promise – and so there’s that. I also want to quickly say that I’ve been touched by the many positive reviews listeners have been leaving on iTunes. Here’s one from someone named Scorpio Sun: “I have been suffering severe anxiety and something about Dr. Moore’s podcast helps more than anything else. Everything from his voice to the way he breaks down buts of thinking is just what works – I haven’t felt this great in years.” All I can say is wow, these are the very kinds of comments that keep me so motivated to do these shows. Thank you for that. Here’s another one from AR-112 “First time listener and I really got a lot out of it. Loved the people pleasing show!” See, right there – that’s what I’m talking about. Knowing that I am making a difference in people’s lives is just humbling and exhilarating. If you are a listener and would like to leave a review, please do. I read them all and I want you to know your comments are extremely meaningful. Well, that’s another show. I don’t have an audio staff or engineer – and I’m the first to admit quality problems may pop up from time to time. But maybe my imperfections can serve as an example in some way that we are all imperfect. And so, I’ll leave you with this – think about your relationship with social media. Reflect on the warning signs we explore and don’t be afraid to give yourself a break when necessary. I’m Dr. John and this has been another episode of The Men’s Self Help Podcast. **Categories:** Mind, News, Podcasts, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Selfie, Snapchat, Social Media, Twitter --- ### [Young Men Who “Bulk Up” May Be At Risk For Eating Disorders](https://guycounseling.com/young-men-bulk-eating-disorder-627/) **Published:** June 27, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![back exercises](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/back-muscles-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Younger guys and body image Are you a young man who feels he looks scrawny? Have you been regularly hitting the gym while consuming various dietary supplements, such as protein shakes? At times, does it feel like you are like a hamster on a wheel? If the answer is yes, here’s some important news for you. A new study led by researchers at the University of California in San Francisco (UCSF) Benioff Children’s Hospitals suggests trying to bulk up could be damaging your self-concept and triggering an eating disorder. The study was published in the [International Journal of Eating Disorders](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/eat.23094). Investigators examined the data of nearly 15,000 young American adults they had been tracking for seven years. Scientists wanted to assess trends from young male participants (average age 15) with the goal of identifying any early warning signs for disordered eating. Surprisingly, they found the male teenagers who specifically exercised to gain weight had a whopping 142 percent higher chance of developing disordered eating. For female teens, the numbers rose to 248 percent. Young men who viewed themselves as underweight had 56% higher odds and the girls 271% prospectively. Use of smoking products and alcohol for both groups increased moderately. Younger men who identified as African-American saw their odds increased to 66%. Sexual orientation did not seem to be a risk factor, according to the researchers. ![men and bigorexia eating disorders ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/muscle-building-factors.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) “Some eating disorders can be challenging to diagnose,” stated first author Jason Nagata, M.D., of the UCSF Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine. “Unlike anorexia nervosa, which may be easily identified by parents or pediatricians, disordered eating to increase bulk may masquerade as healthy habits and because of this, it tends to go unnoticed,” he added. Other interesting takeaways from the study revealed that 6.9% of males revealed they use some type of supplement to gain weight and build muscle – and 2.8% admitted to using anabolic steroids. The numbers for women were far lower at 0.7 percent and 0.4 percent respectively. “Supplements are a black box, since they are not regulated,” shared Nagata. “In extreme cases, supplements can cause liver and kidney damage. Anabolic steroids can cause both long-term and short-term health issues, including shrunken testicles, stunted growth and heart disease.” A [recent study](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-image-104/) suggests men increasingly have a negative view of their physiques, believing they need to be stronger, leaner and more muscular. Guy Counseling has previously explored the issue of [male body image issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/) and potential causal reasons. A study from the journal of [Men and Masculinities](https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fa0014691) suggests that imagery depicting men in print and electronic media, such as male-focused websites and magazines, may have a strong influence on the desire to get bigger. Additionally, social media appears to have an influence on men and how they view their bodies; a topic that came up in my [most recent podcast](https://open.spotify.com/episode/7ymegjt6x43ku9pOcTEy94) on five signs it might be time to take a break from platforms like Instagram and Facebook. Why do you think young men struggle with body image challenges? Is the pressure to bulk up a symptom of a larger issue happening in society? **Categories:** News **Tags:** Bigorexia, Body Image, Calories, Eating Disorders --- ### [Can A Cup Of Coffee Really Help You Burn Fat?](https://guycounseling.com/coffee-burn-fat-627/) **Published:** June 27, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![coffee benefits burn fat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Study suggests coffee helps burn fat Do you drink coffee? Tired of reading stories about the perils of coffee drinking? Hoping to find something to help support your java habit? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because a new study appearing in [Scientific Reports](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-45540-1) suggests that drinking one cup of coffee per day may help to burn fat. Investigators observed that coffee stimulates brown adipose tissue, also referred to as “brown fat”. In plain speak, this is a type of fat that holds calorie-burning properties. ## What on earth is brown fat? You may be wondering what the heck brown fat is? Well, according to a [statement](http://tinyurl.com/y399x6yt) from Professor Michael Symonds with the School of Medicine at the University of Nottingham and a co-author of the study: “Brown fat works in a different way to other fat in your body and produces heat by burning sugar and fat, often in response to cold. Increasing its activity improves blood sugar control as well as improving blood lipid levels, and the extra calories burnt help with weight loss.” At one time, it was believed that brown adipose tissue was only found in infants and some hibernating animals. But the thinking has changed among scientists because they have discovered its presence in adults (in small amounts) around the neck. Brown fat acts differently than white fat in that white fat typically builds up around the midsection of the body and stores calories. ![Can coffee be used for weight management?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/coffee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Coffee – does it do the body good? ## The Java connection The researchers observed that [coffee](https://guycounseling.com/roast-green-coffee-home-skillet/) seems to stimulate brown fat through thermal imaging. Scientists noticed that when a person drank a cup of coffee, the brown adipose tissue around the neck became hotter. “This is the first study in humans to show that something like a cup of coffee can have a direct effect on our brown fat functions. The potential implications of our results are pretty big, as obesity is a major health concern for society, and we also have a growing diabetes epidemic, and brown fat could potentially be part of the solution in tackling them,” said Symonds. In the recent past, other studies have suggested the benefits of coffee. For example, last year, Guy Counseling reported that [coffee may help to reduce pain in some people](https://guycounseling.com/coffee-pain-study-1114/). Does this mean that you should run out to your local café and order your favorite cup of Joe? Probably not. As a beverage, coffee isn’t for everyone. See this [post from the Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/expert-answers/coffee-and-health/faq-20058339). Finally, keep in mind that what you add to coffee, such as creams and sugars, may negate any fat burning benefits. So, do you drink coffee? If so, has this helped you with your weight management goals? **Categories:** News **Tags:** Beverage, Brown Fat, Coffee, Coffees, Fat, Weight Management --- ### [Is Pantene’s Pro-V Non-Aerosol Hairspray Worth The Money?](https://guycounseling.com/pantene-pro-v-non-aerosol-review/) **Published:** June 27, 2019 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![pantene hair spray review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/pantene.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Pantene Pro-V Non-Aerosol Hairspray Pantene – it’s been a household name for decades. But does the company’s Pro-V (Volume) non-aerosol spray really work? Moreover, is the product worth the money? As a man, I usually reach for products that are designed for guys. Examples include AXE and Consort. But recently, I found myself reaching for Pantene because I forgot to pack one of my usual brands. Specifically, I picked up a bottle of Pantene Pro-V from a local drugstore during my stay in Clearwater, Florida. I purchased it at a local five and dime for approximately $7.00. This store had few options available, so my choices were limited. So, you may be wondering about my impressions of this product. Does it work? All I can tell you is that as a guy with long, wavy hair, I was very satisfied. **Related:** [Does AMBI fade cream work?](https://guycounseling.com/ambi-fade-cream-review-1120/) First, I liked the price point of this product. Some sprays can cost upwards of $15.00, which can be a drag on your wallet. Additionally, I found that Pantene’s Pro-V spray worked super well for my hair type. ![Traveling can mean forgetting products ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-travel-mental-health.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)I was traveling ## Here’s what I liked: - A little bit went a long way - The odor wasn’t overbearing (citrus smell) - Distribution of the product through spray bottle was easy - The non-aerosol spray meant reduced damage to the environment - Once applied to my hair, the spray gave me a firm hold with flexibility - I liked the light shine it gave without looking “slick” - It gave my hair more manageability - No stickiness; something I’ve experienced with other hair sprays - Created a “fuller” look that was natural I wish that I could tell you something negative about the product but as I write this review, I can honestly say I didn’t find any deficits. If I had to pick something, it would be a desire to buy the spray in a smaller amount. Perhaps something like four ounces? It’s possible the company sells this in a travel size, but I did some checking and haven’t seen it available. So, is Pantene Pro-V hairspray worth the money? Given the price of the product and the results I experienced, I’ll simply say that I would buy again. What’s interesting is that a colleague of mine who accompanied me on the trip said to me, “Did you use something new on your hair? It looks different – in a good way.” Eventually, I told her it was “[Pantene](https://pantene.com/en-us/which-hairspray-you-should-use)” and we both ended up having a good laugh. Well, now you have my review. Do you use Pantene Prov-V non-aerosol spray? If so, what has been your experience as a man? **Categories:** News **Tags:** Grooming, Hair, Hair Styles, Hairspray --- ### [What It’s Like Exercising Your Abdominals In A Public Park](https://guycounseling.com/abs-public-park-anxiety/) **Published:** July 5, 2019 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![abs outdoors shirtless](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/abs-outdoors-shirtless-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## I decided to move through my fears and just do it Last week, I walked by a public park near my house and saw a group of people exercising. One guy was doing chin-ups. Another dude was grinding out elevated pushups. There was even a mom in the mix, showing her toddler how to stretch. I’m not sure why, but I felt inspired. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen people exercising at the park for many years. Maybe you’ve observed the same thing? At any rate, there was just something about seeing these folks last week doing their thing – unabashed – that touched a deep part of me. Here’s what you need to know. I’ve got [social anxiety](https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-social-anxiety-disorder). When I say that, I don’t mean the watered-down term that many folks bandy about as a cover for being shy. Nope, I’ve got social anxiety in the clinical sense, meaning that I fear doing things in public because I think I’ll embarrass myself. If you’ve ever struggled with public speaking or worry about being in a crowd, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s a deep fear that can be crippling – to the point that it can trigger a panic attack. ![Social anxiety can be crippling ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/tapping-emotional-freedom-technique-woods.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Set yourself up for success It’s not like I haven’t tried to deal with this problem in the past. I’ve gone through therapy. I’ve engaged in cognitive rehearsals. I’ve even partaken in exposure therapy. And while all these things helped, at least on some level, nothing healed me more than the day I did those abs in the park. That’s because I gave myself permission to **disconnect from my thoughts and just do it.** In my case, I decided to walk over to a board plank in the park and began cranking out crunches. The day I did it, I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt – on the way back from the gym I usually exercise at. **Related:** [Best podcasts for anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/best-self-help-podcasts/) The best part the whole thing was working my abs while other people were around. Yep, that’s right. I wasn’t alone. There were folks doing various exercises, similar to the ones I described earlier. Shoot, there were even onlookers; people from the neighborhood walking their dogs and pausing to see what was up in the park. Did I have the best ab workout ever? Probably not. But I did leave the experience with a new-found sense of self. To me, that was way more meaningful than what my abs actually look like. So, the moral of this post is simple. Sometimes, you have to face your fears and simply “do it”. By separating yourself from your thoughts, you unplug the fear. Thanks for stopping by. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** abs, Anxiety, Excercise, fear --- ### [Is True Gent Cologne a Good Deal or Rip Off?](https://guycounseling.com/is-true-gent-cologne-review/) **Published:** July 6, 2019 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![true gent cologne review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/bearded-man-pipe.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of True Gent cologne Recently, I purchased a bottle of True Gent men’s cologne from Avon after hearing about it from a friend. Comparable to Tobacco Vanille from Tom Ford, “True Gent” costs much less. How much? Well, Ford’s fragrance will set you back close to $300.00 for a 3.04-ounce bottle. Avon’s brand just $20.00. That’s a huge savings, don’t you think? Now to keep it real, I ordered this scent directly from the company’s website. I mention this because I don’t think it’s a brand you will find at most department stores or online retailers. So, what were my impressions after using it for a solid month? Here’s a quick rundown: ## True Gent Cologne – What I Liked - Scent is not overpowering - It has a sweet smell with hints of vanilla - A whiff of tobacco that gives off a “pipe” smell - A hint of suede that mixes well with the vanilla - A somewhat smoky ambiance that that doesn’t overwhelm - A little bit of fragrance goes a long way - Lasts for a long time (4-6 hours) and keeps its scent throughout the day ![man self love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/dog-reflective1.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Now, you may be wondering what I didn’t like? Was there something about this cologne that was a turnoff? The honest answer to that question is no – I really couldn’t find anything wrong with this fragrance. **Related:** [Best smelling men’s colognes](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) If I had to pick one “negative” thing, it would simply be this cologne probably isn’t the best for summer. Men’s fragrances that contain a woody scents or vibe out tobacco are best for fall because they go better with the season. I’m not saying you can’t wear this brand during June, July or August. You can. I’m simply suggesting that most guys wear a citrus type blend during warmer months. An example might be an aftershave like Brute ([see this aftershave post](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/)). I can honestly say I was pleased with True Gent and would probably buy again. It will likely be awhile before that happens though because I’ve still got a lot left in my bottle. To me, it’s a great alternative to the higher priced brand mentioned above. Certainly, I respect others who may have had different experiences. **Have you tried this cologne before? If so, did you like it? share your comments below.** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Cologne, Fragrance --- ### [7 Ways To Gain Confidence In Dating (E19)](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-gain-confidence-men-e19/) **Published:** July 9, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dating confidence man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/dating-and-confidence-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men, Dating, and Confidence \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”19″ \] Hello – and welcome episode 19 of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore. I’m a licensed mental health counselor out of Chicago, Illinois – and I’ve been involved with counseling for a little over 15-years. I this podcast because I wanted to reach men everywhere and extend the walls of my practice to folks who might already might be in therapy – or to guys who might have been recently diagnosed with something – be it depression or anxiety or even PTSD – or to men who are struggling with relationship issues. But I also wanted to create a safe conduit for guys who might never walk through the door of a therapist – but are curious enough about the counseling process and open to listening to a podcast. Today’s show is going to focus on confidence and dating. In [episode 9](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e9-8-ways-to-increase-self-esteem-and-boost-your-confidence/id1465473031?i=1000440325689), I talked about building self-esteem and how you as a man can reach inward to create a stronger self. As a result, several of you reached out to me and asked if I would do a podcast on confidence and dating. And so that’s what this podcast will be about today – how to be more confident in your dating life. I’ll tell you – one of the major topics that comes up in the counseling office is relationships. In my experience, single guys want to know how they can meet someone new and attract that special someone to their life. A major barrier to connecting with another, however, is confidence. As men, we’re inculcated to think we should exude strong, masculine energy. The reality is most of us struggle with that kind of stoicism because it’s just not real for us. In truth, inner confidence is a gift we give to ourselves that develops over the course of time. It would be great if we could go out and buy a computer chip that we simply insert into our heads to create confidence, wouldn’t it? I suspect whoever made that would become rich overnight. But here’s the thing – I live in the real world and I’m betting you do too. And so, a bit later, we’re going to look at 7 unique ways to increase your mental core – confidence – so that you can go about the business of attracting the type of person you want in your life. So, we’ll talk about that. We’ll also discuss an email that I got from a young listener who wrote just last week about his own dating woes, feeling rejected and wondering if he should seek out professional help from a therapist. As you can see, we have a number of topics to explore in today’s podcast. I’m really glad you are here. ## Dating, Confidence and Starting Over Dating. Talk about issues that come up in counseling. While not true for all guys, I can tell you that a lot of them – at least the ones I’ve worked with – see out guidance around gaining more confidence in this area. Maybe the best way to dive into this area with you is to quickly share with you the story of Adam. In the not too distant past, he came to see me about his struggles with dating. The main presenting problem he had was getting back into the dating scene after being off the market for a number of years. You see Adam had been seeing a woman for five years with plans to get married. For a variety of reasons, things didn’t work out and they broke up. As a result, he found himself single again. Over time, once he had [healed from the breakup](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/), he was ready to put himself out there again. That’s where the problems popped up. You see for Adam, there was a great deal of fear about getting back into dating. He was worried the usual stuff many singles struggle with when it comes to dating: - Am I attractive enough? - Will people like me? - Do I have enough to offer If you are presently single, can you relate to these questions? And let me say now that the three I’ve just shared are just the tip of the iceberg. There are many more that can be added to the list. I’m mentioning all of this because at the core of Adam’s struggle was confidence – meaning confidence in himself and his ability to date. To help him in this area, our work together focused on strengthening his self-concept. This happened through a variety of techniques but mostly cognitive restructuring. Our goal was to ditch the negative self-tape Adam played in his mind and move about the business of creative positive, healthier self-talk. In show notes, I’m going to link to an article I wrote on Guy Counseling called [“Confident Man: 10 Steps to Higher Self-Esteem”](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). I’m mentioning this because it was those 10 things that truly were the basis of our work. I encourage you to check that article out – it’s completely free and you can share it as you wish. You see before you can be confident in dating, you’ve got to be confident in yourself. That may sound cliché but sometimes clichés fit the moment. In creating this show, I called upon the resources of Dr. Tyler Fortman. He’s a psychologist in Chicago, Illinois and works with clients around issues related to dating. He wrote an article that I’ll link to in show notes called, [“7 Ways To Improve Your Self-Confidence in Dating”](https://www.mychicagotherapist.com/dating-confidence/). I’m going to share with you what they are and add my own thoughts as part of the dynamic. ### 7 Ways to increase dating confidence (boiled down) 1\. Be your own cheerleader 2\. Avoid ruminating on the negative 3\. Reframe thoughts into “Not Yet” statements 4\. Practice gratitude 5\. Focus on the journey 6\. Resource yourself 7\. Don’t just date So, let’s get back to Adam. You may be wondering what happened to him? Well, I can tell you he has a new girlfriend. Rather things will ultimately workout or where things will lead I can’t say. Here’s the link to [building a circle of confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/). But I can say that he was able to bolster his self-concept to the point that he could once again put himself on the market. I mentioned during the first segment that I offered my clients handouts on self-esteem. Here’s the [link to Therapist Aid](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/self-esteem/none) where you can download some a few for yourself. They have different types, so be sure to spend time looking. I hope the material we’ve gone over today was helpful. Before we transition to the next segment, I have some questions for you to reflect on: How would you describe your dating confidence? If you think it needs improvement, what are you going to do about it? ## Dating, Self-Confidence and Counseling This week’s listener email comes to us from a young man in Georgia. He wrote me wanting to get some guidance on dating and how to find a therapist in his area. I’ll read to you what he sent me and then offer my response. *“My name is Jacob and I’m 20 years old.* *I’ve been in a constant cycle of low insecurity and bad relationships since last October. My partner at the time decided things weren’t to her liking and left after our second year.* *I hold no grudges towards her but since then I’ve been in a loop of bringing myself down and having very low self-esteem, followed by getting on a path of progress to improving myself, to meeting someone and getting \*really\* invested in those relationships, to them leaving me and repeating the cycle.* *Not to say everything is completely their fault, but nevertheless that’s been the routine since my first (and only) long term relationship ended back in October.* *I’ve tried everything from being really close and affectionate, to being more distant and less dependent on who I’m with, as well as listening to my partners needs/concerns and shifting my behavior in the relationships to better suit them. *Each different strategy resulted in the same outcome, which leads me to doubt myself. I end up distancing myself from my friends and family, and displaying very unhealthy behaviors (not working out, drinking more frequently, being “down” all the time, and overall not being myself). This continues until step 2 happens, and the cycle proceeds as normal.* *It has gotten to a point where I was considering going to counseling and seeking professional help. However, it never went anywhere as there aren’t very many non-religious based therapy places in my area.* *Any advice? I look forward to your response.* **Here is my response:** *Hi, Jacob,* *First, thanks for your email and I really appreciate you asking these questions. It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time right now. Let’s be real, two years in a relationship isn’t an insignificant amount of time. I’m sorry that didn’t work out.* *You mentioned that right since October, you’ve been in a cycle of low insecurity – and bad relationships. It’s important you mention that because those two things aren’t islands among themselves. In truth, how we feel at a given moment in time when we are dating can, unintentionally, attract certain types of people to us.* *You didn’t mention it in your note but I’m wondering if you noticed any patterns with your dates? Were they emotionally unavailable? If so, were there any red flags that you could have spotted in hindsight?* *I’m going to share an article with you an article I wrote for Men’s Variety that explores the question, [“5 Reasons You Keep Attracting The Wrong Partners”](https://mensvariety.com/5-reasons-attracting/). In reading this piece, I think it will give you some points of self-reflection. Well, at least I hope it does.* *I don’t know you but my sense if you are feeling down and I can’t help but wonder if – through the series of dating issues you mentioned – and perhaps other life events not mentioned – you aren’t feeling a little blue? In other words, is it possible depression might be at play, somewhere in the background. I ask because when we are feeling down, it has a way of distorting our thoughts and ultimately our realities.* *If you get a chance, listen to [episode 8](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e8-10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know/id1465473031?i=1000440188117) of The Men’s Self-Help Podcast. This show is all about the ways depression can lie to us and make us feel terrible.* *You mentioned you were in Georgia and thinking of counseling. I’ll level with you Jacob. Given what you shared, I do think working with a professional would be a smart choice.* *And not because something is “wrong” with you but instead, because something is right. You see, people who are self-aware are among the strongest people on the planet.* *That includes you.* *By looking inward, we are able to take stock, give ourselves a reality check and learn new tools for coping along the way.* *To find the right person, I encourage you to go to Psychology Today and type in your zip code to see what you find. Given your location, it may be that seeing a counselor face to face isn’t possible. Should this apply, I encourage you to input zip codes for larger metropolitan areas and see who offers video counseling, life Facetime or Skype.* *Even someone who just does phone could be an option. The most important thing is for you to work with someone you feel comfortable with. Look for a helping professional who has strong experience with self-esteem.* *I hope what I’ve shared here was helpful to you. Let us know how things work out.* *Best,* *John* — If you found today’s show helpful, please leave a review on the platform you subscribe too. If you aren’t a subscriber, please become one. Your support means everything. Here are the links to subscribe and leave a review. [iTunes](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mens-self-help-podcast-from-guy-counseling/id1465473031) [Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio) [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET?si=kbetIg7bTQqGaKA8jli0jQ) **Categories:** Podcasts, Relationships **Tags:** Breakups, Confidence, Dating, Self-Care --- ### [New Oregon Law Provides Students with Mental Health Days](https://guycounseling.com/new-oregon-law-mental-health-days/) **Published:** August 1, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/test-anxiety-hypnosis-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Time off for mental health A group of high school students took proactive steps to curb suicide and mental health related incidents in Oregon. They lobbied their government officials to make mental health absences excusable in their schools. This new bill that was signed into law by Governor Kate Brown is groundbreaking for two reasons: it was created by students and it’s one of the first of its kind. This law will help remove the stigma around mental health and help people gain help when they need it most. Just how effective could a mental health absence be for young students? We asked Dr. Erika Martinez of [Envision Wellness](https://www.envisionwellness.co/erika-martinez-psychologist-therapist-counselor-brickell-coral-gables-miami/) to get a clearer perspective. “Sometimes people just need time to decompress from the pressure, and a day off can certainly ease the pressure they’ve been feeling. They can rest, recover, and regroup during that day. One day off can make a big difference.” Oregon is on the front lines of the nation’s mental health issues. The state has one of the highest suicide rates in the country. In 2017, suicide was the second leading cause of death for young people aged 15 to 24. In total, 825 people took their own life according to the [Oregon Health Authority](https://www.oregon.gov/OHA/PH/BIRTHDEATHCERTIFICATES/VITALSTATISTICS/ANNUALREPORTS/VOLUME2/Documents/2017/Table604.pdf). Adi Staub committed suicide after fellow students bullied her for being transgender. A bill named after her was brought into law that mandated schools in Oregon to ramp up suicide prevention programs. Perceptions about the importance of mental health have led lawmakers and educators to treat mental health on equal footing as other physical ailments that might prevent students from attending class. Students can miss five days of school in a three-month period under this law. They’ll be able to make up work that was undone from those days, but administrators will also have a way of keeping up with who might need extra attention. Instead of hiding their pain, students can feel empowered to speak up about mental health problems such as anxiety or depression. They can seek help or just take some time to regroup. Perhaps, the new bill could even prevent suicide or school shootings in the future. **Related:** [Are young men at risk for eating disorders?](https://guycounseling.com/young-men-bulk-eating-disorder-627/) National suicide rates for young people are on the rise. So, hopefully, this will be the next in a long line of new bills nationwide that give students more leeway in dealing with mental health issues. What about the workplace? Should employers follow Oregon’s lead by excusing mental health absences for their employees? In 2018, the mental health charity [MIND](https://www.mind.org.uk/news-campaigns/news/half-of-workers-have-experienced-poor-mental-health-in-current-job/) surveyed 44,000 employees in the UK and found that 48% reported having a mental health problem in their current job. Workers can feel increased anxiety, depression and even develop personality disorders related to the pressures and rigors of their job. Dr. Martinez has an interesting take on mental health days off in the workplace. “I feel like companies already offer this by way of vacation and/or sick days. It’s more a matter of people’s perception of how those days are used.” She goes on to say, “In many cases, people hear ‘sick’ and only think of physical illness. In reality, if you’re tired, not sleeping, have brain fog, or are so stressed by work, taking a sick day makes perfect sense.  The same is true of vacation.  Take a vacation day if you need time off from work to relax. I’ve seen more people willing to take mental health leave days as companies have combined vacation and sick days into PTO (paid time off).” *If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255* **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, stress --- ### [Plants and Herbs That Can Enhance Your Dreams](https://guycounseling.com/plants-herbs-dreams-sleep/) **Published:** August 18, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![plants herbs dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/plants-sleep.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Create a Deeper Dream Experience to Gain Clarity and Meaning Dreams are important to our physiological and spiritual wellbeing. The dreamworld is an altered state of consciousness that can help you achieve greater meaning in your life. Yet, dreams can sometimes be quite disturbing. They bring forth elements of your psyche that might frighten and alarm you. Nightmares are just as important as our happy dreams though.  Have you ever noticed that your pleasant, frivolous dreams sometimes fade away rather quickly, but a horrible nightmare is quite easy to remember? You might not recall all the details, but you will certainly remember how it made you feel. That’s because nightmares trigger intense emotional responses. The deeper the emotional involvement, the better chance of that experience becoming a long-term memory. ## A Recent Study on the Importance of Dreams The dream state occurs during REM sleep. REM means Rapid Eye Movement. Your eyes are closed and slightly fluttering during REM sleep. Scientific studies have recently found new importance for REM sleep and dreams. The Netherlands Institute for Neuroscience researchers conducted an [intriguing study](https://nin.nl/rem-sleep-silences-siren-brain/?utm_source=join1440&utm_medium=email&utm_placement=itkst) published in July in the journal *Current Biology.* The study found that unpleasant experiences trigger the amygdala, that cluster of brain cells that’s located deep in the center of the brain. Those unpleasant and stressful experiences let off a sort of siren in the brain, an emergency signal of sorts. When you have a normal night’s sleep with a restful dream state, that siren is silenced for the next day. When you have restless REM sleep, you carry that mental baggage into the next day. The results seem to indicate that your dreams might not be just random images and stimuli. What you experience in dreams could be preparing you for the upcoming day similar to a weather forecast. Your amygdala goes on red alert and then your dreams work out the problems, causing your mind to return to a peaceful state. One of the authors of the study, Rick Wassing said “Memory traces are adjusted during sleep: some connections between brain cells are strengthened, others are weakened. Restless REM sleep disturbs these nocturnal adjustments, which are essential for recovery and adaptation to distress”. ## Using Plants and Herbs to Create a Restful and Memorable Dream Experience Every person has dreams at night when they sleep, even though you might not remember your dreams. Typically, you go through four to six cycles of sleep. At least 25% of that time, you’ll move through the REM cycle. This is when your most vivid dreams occur. Lots of things affect the dream cycle, from our sleep hygiene to the darkness of the room, from our medications and diet to the amount of exercise we take and the way we lie in bed. All these outside factors can influence our dreams. **Related:** [Dreams about rats biting you](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/) Luckily, you can take a proactive approach to creating a restful and memorable dream experience by employing some well-known and lesser known plants and herbs. Humans have been using plants and herbs to influence their dreams for thousands of years. The Aztec and Chontal Indians of Mexico were known to take Dream Herb (*Calea zacatechichi)* to intensify the visual imagery of dreams and boost dream recall. They called it the leaf of god. Blue Lotus (*Nymphaea caerulea)* was used by the ancient Egyptian priesthood to bring about a state of lucid dreaming in which a person could actively control their dreams. Here are some plants and herbs that you can legally and safely use to enhance your dreams. However, some of these substances can cause an allergic reaction so it’s important to consult your physician before ingesting any new substances. ## Dream Herb (*Calea zacatechichi)* You can find this herbal extract dried, in capsule form or even already packaged as a tea ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2KEGCr0)). About 2 ounces is all you need to see results. Let it brew for 10 minutes and then drink a cup just before bedtime. Dream Herb is especially bitter so you might want to add some honey, agave or any other sweetener to ease the taste. Dream Herb will create vivid imagery in the first stages of sleep and promote the practice of lucid dreaming during your REM sleep cycle. ## Blue Lotus (*Nymphaea caerulea)* Dried Blue Lotus flower petals can be found at an herbal shop or bought online. You’ll need to play around with the dosage a bit with Blue Lotus so it’s not recommended to buy it already in tea bags. [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/33Kf8HK) for choices. It has been known to create tingling sensations in your body and even some mild psychoactive effects similar to cannabis or micro dosage MDMA. So, start small. Brew a few pinches in a tea and drink it before bedtime. You’ll feel relaxed, sleepy, and may experience heightened imagery during your dreams. ## Mugwort *(Artemisia vulgaris)* Mugwort can settle your stomach and intensify your lucid dreaming. You can find it at any herbal shop or scoop it up from an online provider. 50 grams will help you relax and sleep peacefully. 100 to 200 grams will help you have a lucid dream and give you long-lasting dream recall the next day. It’s important to start with a small dosage because mugwort contains thujone, a chemical that can be toxic when taken in large amounts. Side Note: These plants and herbs are powerful tools in boosting your dream experience. However, you don’t have to try such potent herbs in order to promote better sleep practices. You can also make a tea using chamomile, lavender, or valerian balm to put your body and mind at ease before bedtime. [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2H80gth). ## What to Do After Your Dreams Enhancing your dreams doesn’t just involve preparation. It’s also important to spend some time with the memories of your dreams. After you wake up, it’s time for reflection and interpretation. Learning from your dreams can create a more positive outlook on your life, your time on this world, and the value of your own self-efficacy. **Related:** [The meaning of fish in dreams](https://guycounseling.com/fish-dream-meaning/) You should start keeping a dream journal. Place it on your nightstand or next to your bed so that you can record your dream experiences when they are still fresh in your mind. Be sure to write down the date and record the images, events and feelings. Look closely at your feelings. Did the dream make you anxious, happy, or afraid? Now, go a step further and try to determine why that feeling occurred. Was there a person in your dream that made you feel angry? Was the sensation of falling or flying especially upsetting for you? Attaching meaning and sources to your feelings is one of the greatest benefits of analyzing your dreams. Dreams are loaded with symbols that only have meaning to you. Be sure to write down these powerful symbols. You might not find an immediate meaning in them, but upon further introspection you might learn that a certain dream symbol is significant. ## Summing It Up Exploring your dreams is a wonderful way to gain insight into your inner mind. They all have something to teach you and dreams serve a definite purpose in cleansing our brains of toxic data. People who have poor sleep cycles and interrupted dreams develop a lack of clarity in their waking life that could lead to more serious problems. You can use herbs and plants to enhance your dreams, the same herbs and plants that have been used for thousands of years. These subtle yet powerful substances are tools for unlocking the mysteries of our deepest imaginings and fears. And just like with any other tool in the physical world, you should use them with respect and care. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Dreaming, Dreams, Herbs, Plants, sleep --- ### [7 Ways You Sabotage Your Goals (E20)](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-you-sabotage-goals/) **Published:** September 7, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![goal setting mistakes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/goal-setting-mistakes-workout.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do you sabotage your goals? ## Goals and self-sabotage \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”20″ \] Hello, and welcome to episode 20 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore and I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago, Illinois and I’ve been involved with counseling for the better part of fifteen years. In addition to the work that I do as a counselor, I also teach college courses in psychology and business with a lot of my students being working adults and midcareer professionals. You know, I started this podcast because I wanted to extend the walls of my practice and reach out to three specific groups of men who might be interested in hearing from someone like me, a counselor, about topics related to health and wellness. The first group are guys who are curious about psychology and emotional health and typically gravitate towards this kind of material. Group two are men who may have been recently diagnosed with something – perhaps depression or anxiety – a trauma – and they want to tune in and see what they can relate to. And then there is this third group. These are men who are never going to knock on the door of someone like me, a therapist, to talk about what’s going on in their lives … but, they might be interested enough to tap on an app, listen to a show and see what might apply to their lives. And hey, I recognize that it’s not just guys who listen to this show. Yep, that’s right, women tune in too because they want to gain new insights into the male psyche. Regardless of who you are or what brought you here today, I want you to know that I’m super glad you are here. With that said, let’s move on to today’s topic: **7 goal setting mistakes that hold you back from success.** Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “How can you make a mistake with goal setting? Isn’t the process pretty easy? You just set the goal and start doing the work to reach it, right?” Haha – man do I wish that were the case. In truth, the process of goal setting and goal attainment is a lot more complicated than that. So, we’re going to explore this topic in detail and help you figure out some smarter approaches. We’re also going to talk about this week’s listener email – a note from a guy who wants to know if hypnosis can help him with anxiety. Well, there you have it – lots of topics for today’s program. I’m really glad you are here. ## Sabotaging Goals: A Closer Look So, one of the main reasons guys come in for counseling and coaching is to help them reach goals. Examples include the desire to earn a college degree or to lose weight. Other examples include saving more money or building a skill. Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. When a guy picks up the phone to call a counselor about this issue, they’ve usually reached a place of utter frustration. In other words, in the past, they’ve tried hard to reach their goals, only to end up getting derailed or failing. Does this sound familiar? And so rather than do some generic show on “How To Reach Your Goals,” I thought it would be more useful to explore common mistakes people make as part of the goal attainment process. In creating this podcast, I called on the resources of Dr. AJ Struges. He penned an article for my website, Guy Counseling.com and shared [7 goal setting mistakes that hold people back from success](https://guycounseling.com/goal-setting-mistakes/). I’ve placed a link in show notes for you to check out. I’m walk through each of his points and add my own thoughts as part of the dynamic. Well, there’s no time like the present so let’s jump right in. ## 1. The goal is too big In many ways, this makes sense. When we set goals that are too large, too soon, we set ourselves up for failure. Let me give you an example. Several years ago, a client of mine wanted to create an emergency savings account. His goal was to save up roughly $10,000 in cash over a six-month period. The problem with his goal was that it was too aggressive. At the three-month mark, he realized he was barely 25% to goal. As a result, he got down on himself and ended up scrapping his goal entirely. Had he allowed for the possibility of adjusting his goal, meaning revising his time frame to something more realistic, like a year, he would have been much happier. ## 2. The goal is too small This point is the opposite of the first we discussed. Having a goal that is too small can also me a mistake because it fails to sufficiently motivate us. This isn’t to say that small goals aren’t important. They are. But in my experience, it is sometimes best to think of small goals as “step” on the march towards a larger goal. An example might be wanting to drop ten pounds. If your goal for the week is to avoid heavy carbs during lunch, that’s great. But is this really going to motivate you over the long haul. All of this is to say that goals need to be realistic in nature and obtainable. By linking the small steps to the larger outcome of goal achievement, you are much more likely to be successful. Food for thought. ## 3. The goal is too public OK, so here is the deal on this point. While it’s great to get support around a goal from friends and family, it can sometimes be counterproductive to go public with a goal. Here’s an example. Last year, a friend of mine announced on social media he was going to stop smoking. He shared his quit date on his feed of followers and in the process, got lots of accolades. Problems happened, however, when he had a few slips several weeks into his quit. Too ashamed to admit the relapses to his followers, he kept giving the impression he was smoke-free when in truth, he wasn’t. Ultimately, he got so disgusted with himself for lying to folks that he slipped back into his old ways and began full bore. So, what’s the right approach here? Simply put, share your goals with people who may be on the same journey as you. This way, when bumps on the road happen – and they always do – you’ll get the right type of support from the right people. Embarrassment will be far less likely as a result when slips happen and you’ll feel more attached to the process. ## 4. The goal is too private I won’t spend a lot of time on this point except to say that it’s important to have some amount of support around your goal. This goes back to getting the right support from the right people. To cut to the chase, don’t keep your goal to yourself. It’s all about that shared journey we discussed. ## 5. Confusing process vs. outcome goals When you boil it all down, this point really is saying, *How are you going to achieve your goal?* An example might be setting a goal of consistently working out five times a week. It’s great you want to do this but *how* are you going to make that happen? Are you going to set your alarm to get up 2-hours earlier each morning? Are you going to try and go to bed earlier each night? The main point here is that when you set a goal, it is critical to create the steps necessary for goal achievement. To help you in this area, I am going to link in show notes to a handout from Therapist Aid. The document, which you can think of as a kind of homework assignment, can be used to identify the necessary steps you will need to take for reaching your goals. I use it with clients and highly recommend. ## 6. Not focusing on SMART Goals This is a fairly straightforward point where the term itself is self-explanatory. So, what are SMART goals. Well, here is the acronym along with some examples: **Specific:** “I want to save $500.00 of spending money for vacation by June 1st” as opposed to “I want to save money for vacation”. **Measurable:** This point is used for assessment. If your goal is to save money for vacation, are you tracking your progress regularly? If you are, what tools are you using to make this happen? **Agreed Upon:** Is the goal worth your time? If it’s not, it may not be worth it. Check with your circle of support – the people who know you to check yourself. **Realistic:** What are your realistic chances for achieving this goal? Are you setting yourself up for failure or success? **Time-bound:** Do you have a date set to your goal? The more specific and realistic the better. ## 7. Not knowing why This final point speaks to your motivation for wanting to achieve an identified goal. It’s great you want to drop ten pounds but *why* are you doing it? Is it because your doctor told you too? Is it to become more attractive? Are you doing it simply to live a healthier life? Knowing why you are working towards a goal can massively help you stay on track to goal attainment. Here’s a tip. If your motivation is placed in pleasing somebody other than you, it’s less likely to succeed. In other words, people tend to be more committed to their goals when their reason for achieving them is internal. Make sense? Here are two closing questions: *What’s your track record been with reaching goals. Given what we explored here, what could be different?* ## Does Hypnotherapy Work For Anxiety? Our listener emails this week comes to us from a man who lives in Georgia. I’m just going to read you what he sent and then share my thoughts – along with what I wrote back. *Hi Doctor John,* *I’ve listened to a few of your podcasts and thank you for making these available to people. My problem is probably one you may have talked about before, but I thought I’d ask anyway because I wanted to get your input.* *I’m forty years old and struggle with anxiety. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with [Generalized Anxiety Disorder](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-defined-coping-moving-past/). I take medications for this and it helps on the margins. The issue for me is that it still causes problems in my life because I tend to worry about everything.* *A friend of mine suggested that I consider hypnosis. I’ve given it some thought but there is a part of me who thinks it is a bunch of BS. But then I saw that you are a clinical hypnotherapist. So, my question to you is: Can hypnosis help people with my condition?* *Mark* Boy, I’ll tell you. The question this listener asked is one that I get approached on all the time. The simple answer to his question is *yes*, hypnotherapy can – for some people – help folks struggling with different forms of anxiety – including generalized anxiety disorder. Here is what I wrote back. *Hi, Mark,* *First, thanks for taking the time to listen to the show. I am glad to hear you are getting something out of the podcasts. It means a great deal to me.* *Now, let’s talk about your question. It sounds like your psychiatrist believes you have GAD, otherwise known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’m going to include a link to a* [*Psychology Today article*](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/generalized-anxiety-disorder) *that helps to provide background about what this mental health challenge is all about. You may already know this information but just in case you don’t, I thought sharing it with you may help to provide new insight.* *Regarding hypnotherapy for Generalized Anxiety, I can tell you from first hand experience that hypnosis can be helpful. But here is the thing – hypnosis as a standalone approach probably isn’t going to get you to where you want to be.* *Instead, taking your medications, along with regular talk-therapy, preferably with a CBT component that includes hypnotherapy is probably going to be more effective.* *I’m not just saying this just to say it. The clinical research demonstrates through a myriad of studies that hypnosis works best when it is combined with other approaches as part of a comprehensive approach to anxiety reduction.* *I am going to include a link to my website that has an article I penned on the* [*10 ways hypnosis helps with anxiety*](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/)*. In it, you will find several studies that support what I have mentioned here.* *I am wondering if you are currently seeing a therapist. While it’s great that you are working with a psychiatrist, a lot of them seem to focus on prescribing medication and not so much on the counseling aspects. If you aren’t working with a therapist, I highly recommend you think about doing so. If you can find somebody who includes cognitive therapy, along with hypnosis, into their approach, even better.* *I’m going to include a link here to the* [*National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists*](http://www.natboard.com/index_files/Page548.htm)*. Hopefully, you will find someone who fits your needs.* *Finally, I’ll just say hypnotherapy has been terribly stereotyped over the years by false representations in popular culture. Part of this is because people confuse stage hypnosis, which is a form of entertainment, with clinical hypnotherapy, which is used as an adjunct to psychotherapy.* *At any rate, I am glad that you wrote. I hope you check back and let us know how things worked out.* So, there you have my response to Mark. Perhaps you have thought about hypnotherapy as a potential solution to your mental health challenges. If so, I encourage you to learn all you can about what’s involved. To make things easier, I’m including a link to the [American Society of Clinical Hypnosis](https://www.asch.net/Public/HypnosisandYou-AnIntroduction.aspx). If you are curious about this approach to wellness, the material shared on their page should help to provide the answers that you seek. ## Closing Wow, we covered a lot in today’s podcast, didn’t we? Part of our time together was spent exploring goals and barriers to goal attainment. We also discussed anxiety and how hypnosis can be used as a tool for wellness. You know, there are several ways to reach me. You can send me a confidential note at: <john@guycounseling.com> – You can also stop by one of my social media pages. There’s Facebook – just input Guy Counseling. There’s also Instagram – same handle. If you do contact me, know that I won’t share anything you send without your permission. Know that I read everything I am sent and try to reply to everyone. It may take me a day or two to respond because I still work with clients each week out of my office – plus, I teach. Thank you so much for taking the time today to listen to this show. I don’t have an audio engineer or podcast manager. What you hear is 100% me – glitches and all. Keep reaching for your goals. Identify barriers that keep you from your full potential and find ways of working through. Take very good care. This has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety. Hypnotherapy, goals, Sabotage, Success --- ### [Should Men Still Be Buying Flowers for Women?](https://guycounseling.com/men-flowers-women/) **Published:** October 19, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![man giving woman flowers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/man-woman-flowers.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Thinking of Giving Flowers? Buying flowers for women? Do people even still do that? The answer is yes and here’s why you should give your significant other a bouquet of flowers. It’s a nice gesture. You know that much but giving a woman flowers can mean different things. Afterall, flowers are symbols. The color, the scent, the occasion, the arrangement – all these details can give your girl subtle, silent cues about how you view her role in your life. You’d think it’d be easy. You just pop into a supermarket or a flower shop and buy something that looks and smells nice. Hang on; there’re levels to this flower thing, guys. Why do you think there are so many different types of flowers on display? You might be trying to set-up a sexy anniversary date but wind up telling your girlfriend you just want to be friends. Believe it or not there’s a flower for that. Flowers are useful symbols that help you express love, sorrow, remorse, and happiness. ## Brief History of Giving Flowers as Gifts Nobody can put an exact date on when flowers were first used as a gift. In ancient times, flowers were used as sacramental offerings for the gods and goddesses. It was thought that you could expect certain favors from them if you gave them their favorite flowers. You can find flowers in the myths of ancient Romans, Greeks, Egyptians and the Chinese. Eros, the god of love in Greek mythology carried red roses. The lily was a symbol of the goddess Hera. In one story, the beautiful Narcissus was turned into a daffodil. The water nymph Clytie loved Apollo so much that she was transformed into a sunflower. Flowers are everywhere in ancient mythology. In modern times, flowers became popular as gifts and symbols for everyday people after Lady Montagu visited Turkey in the early 1700s. While there, she witnessed harem girls using flowers to convey secret messages to their lovers. When word of her discovery reached Victorian high society back in Britain, the language of flowers took root. It was like the first form of text message or emoji. You could give your crush a “like” by presenting her with an oleander and red tulip combo. You could signal that you were flattered but not interested by simply turning the tulip upside down. Luckily, we have text messages now. So, there’s no need to get your signals crossed over which flowers to send when you simply wanna hook up. Those Victorian rules of flower etiquette are long gone, but to some extent the rules of flower giving still apply. ## **![flowers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/flowers.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Different Colors for Different Occasions** If you want to stimulate your partner’s romantic side, then there is little substitute for a dozen red roses. It’s the perfect way to set the mood. You can sprinkle red rose petals on your bed or garnish the dinner table with them. You can even incorporate a red rose into your intimate foreplay. Yellow flowers tend to dull the romantic sentiment somewhat. They are usually meant to convey ideas of friendship and general affability. Yellow flowers such as the lily, snapdragon and the pilgrim are wonderful Mother’s Day gifts. You can also use a yellow rose and lily arrangement to perk up your wife’s bathroom or kitchen. White flowers tend to carry heavier meanings than yellow flowers, which is odd given that they have a blank color palette. If you did something wrong and you want to call a truce with your lover, then you should try giving her a bouquet of white roses. White flowers are also the preferred color for weddings. They symbolize purity and new beginnings. **Related:** [How to write love letters](https://guycounseling.com/write-romantic-love-letter/) Purple flowers are the ideal anniversary choice. Purple is the color of royalty and symbolizes dignity and triumph. When you give your wife purple flowers on your anniversary, you’re letting her know that you are proud of how far you’ve come, and you have the utmost respect for your union. Purple Freesia and white roses together are a beautiful combination, tying in the newly budded feelings from your wedding with the regal pomp of your anniversary. ## **Do Women Really Want Flowers?** The answer to that question is difficult to ascertain because all women are different. As women lean away from traditional roles, it’s possible that fewer women will appreciate flowers as a romantic gift. They might even view it as an “easy-fix” effort on your part to atone for some wrongdoing. It’s backfired on me, too. One day I brought flowers home to my wife because I thought she might like them. As soon as I walked through the door with a fresh bouquet of red roses, she asked me, “What did you do, or should I say who did you do?” I spent the rest of the evening stuttering my way through a play-by-play of my whole weekend. Yet, there have been several studies on how women generally feel about flowers. A [2005 study](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/05/050525160735.htm) conducted by researchers at Rutgers University tested the response of women to the gift of flowers. In the study, 100% of female participants exhibited a genuine physiological response to being given a bouquet of flowers. A different study that was published in the journal [*Social Influences*](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15534510.2011.561556) in 2011 found that women were more receptive to romance when flowers were present. In the study, 46 female college students were asked to observe a man while some of them were sitting in a room full of flowers. Some of them were in a room without flowers. Women in the flower room were more likely to find the man attractive and expressed a willingness to date him. The lead researcher theorized that the flowers provided an environmental cue for the women in the study to express their romantic feelings. The flowers could have also played on their minds sub-consciously by hearkening memories of Valentine’s Day, weddings and other romantic situations that are commonly associated with flowers. ## **Final Thoughts on Flowers** Buying flowers for that special lady in your life is a cool thing to do. It’s still romantic and it still works. The symbols and secret meanings are also kind of cool when you think about it. What better way to say you’ve been faithful all these years than by handing over a bouquet of violets with a white ribbon tied to the right. Psychologists seem to think that women still respond favorably to flowers. I think my wife would have responded better if I bought her flowers more often. It’s little trouble and you can find some at the grocery store. You shouldn’t wait for Valentine’s Day or an anniversary. Truthfully, any day can be a special occasion to put a smile on your lover’s face. **Categories:** Field Notes, Relationships **Tags:** Flowers, Gifts, Romance --- ### [Young Men are Lonelier Than Ever Before Says Recent Study](https://guycounseling.com/young-men-are-lonely-study/) **Published:** October 28, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![lonely young man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/lonely-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Study suggests young men struggle with massive loneliness A recent survey conducted by YouGov found that men are struggling to make and maintain friendships. Women that participated in the survey reported having trouble making friends also, but their numbers were eclipsed by the extent at which men struggled socially. 12% of women respondents said that they didn’t have any close friends. A staggering 1 in 5 men said the same.  24% of the women in the study said that they lacked a best friend while 32% of men said that they didn’t have a best buddy either. In addition to those statistics, 44% of men in [the study](https://today.yougov.com/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2019/07/30/loneliness-friendship-new-friends-poll-survey) said that they felt lonely all the time. What makes these numbers so alarming is that loneliness can lead to a host of social and mental health problems. [Dr. Carla Marie Manly](http://www.drcarlamanly.com/), a clinical psychologist, shared that in her experience people who are lonely “suffer from higher rates of mental health disorders including anxiety, depression, and suicidality.” To get further clarity on the matter we asked Bart Wolbers, chief science writer for [Alexfergus.com](https://www.alexfergus.com/team-members) , about the physical and mental problems that can occur as a result of loneliness. He noted that “loneliness is associated with several chronic diseases such as heart conditions and diabetes.” Wolbers went on to say that “additionally, you’re also very prone to experience chronically elevated stress hormone levels such as cortisol and adrenaline. Chronic excess inflammation – which is tied to many modern health conditions – also increasingly becomes present.” **Related:** [Breaking free from social media](https://guycounseling.com/time-break-social-media-e18/) It’s important to note that YouGov’s findings also suggested that millennials are especially prone to loneliness. 3 in 10 millennials say that they often or always feel lonely. 1 in 5 say that they don’t have any friends at all. This is surprising considering that millennials are the generation that popularized social media. You would think that meant that millennial men are more connected to their peers, but that’s not always the case. A [University of Pennsylvania study](https://penntoday.upenn.edu/news/social-media-use-increases-depression-and-loneliness) found a causal link between social media usage and depression. The more 18 to 22-year olds used social media, the more they experienced anxiety and depression. ## **So, why are men lonelier now than ever before?** The answer to that question is probably complicated, as complicated as any gender-based issue. However, men might simply be less apt at online communication as their female counterparts. That’s where most of our social interactions take place these days. Men tend to form social bonds easier when interactions are done through face-to-face encounters. This could be through sports, work life, or simply forming bonds through our peer groups growing up. Nowadays, there are fewer opportunities for men to form these face-to-face bonds. There’re also the pressures of adult life which can make social time harder to pencil in for men. You get bogged down with work and family responsibilities, so much so, that you neglect to maintain the social ties from your youth. As an adult male, you simply can’t make new friends as easy as you could when you were younger. I experienced this firsthand when I took my 3-year-old son to the playground. He simply walked up to a group of boys on the swing set and said, “I like Transformers.” The group of boys giggled, and they all played together for the entire afternoon. If only I could do the same at the local bar. ## **![outdoors mood nature depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/chicago-college-student.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **How can the loneliness crisis be averted or minimized?** Maybe we’re just overthinking things. Maybe finding friends isn’t that difficult at all. Bart Wolbers doesn’t seem to think so. Wolbers says, “young men \*must realize \*that they’re in a perfect position to deal with the problem. The biggest issue with young men is that they don’t realize they hold all the power and can resolve the issue reasonably well and quickly.” He goes on to say, “as a young man, it’s a very small step to join a new gym, move to a new location, start a new educational program, or get a new job. There’s basically almost no reason why you would \*not \*be able to build new social relationships and friendships if you put your mind to it.” Honestly, I believe that’s oversimplifying the issue. Joining a new gym or getting a new job might put you in front of new people, but that’s no guarantee that you have the social skills required to convert those new faces into new friends. Dr. Carla Marie Manly points to technology as the lynchpin for better social interactions. She says that “the loneliness crisis can be averted by striving to connect with people on a face-to-face level. When we connect with technology more than we connect with other humans, we will naturally feel alone. This creates a vicious cycle where young men (and many other demographic groups) self-isolate unconsciously due to overuse of technology.” Again, I notice that these solutions seem oversimplified. In my personal experience, shutting off the computer and talking to an actual human being on the commute home from work made me look like a weirdo. All I said was “it’s raining cats and dogs out there.” The guy next to me gave a curt nod of the head and leaned deeper into his own smartphone. I thought back to my 3-year-old son and his success with making friends on the playground. He likes Transformers and apparently so did the other boys that he spoke with. They shared a common interest that allowed them to feel comfortable interacting with one another. It occurred to me that common interests could be the key to making new adult friends. If you can join an interest group, even if it’s online, then you might have an easier time making friends. By expressing your own interests openly, you invite other people to engage with you who have something in common. That leads to conversation and in the long-term it could lead to a lasting friendship. Or as Dr. Manly put it, “this can only be done with effort-by creating social groups, joining existing groups, and making the problem known without feeling ashamed.” Do you struggle to find friends? What do you think is the biggest reason why men have trouble connecting with their peers? We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments. **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Psychology **Tags:** Lonely, Men, research, Science, Young Men --- ### [How To Win At Being a Dad In Three Steps](https://guycounseling.com/new-dad-skills/) **Published:** November 4, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![new dad skills](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/dad.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Dad skills made simple What makes a father a good dad? It’s important to outline the distinction between just being a father and truly winning at being a dad. A good dad is supportive, nurturing, and strong. But is that all? Being a Dad can be stressful, especially when you’re trying to balance financial, marital, societal, and parenting responsibilities. Mothers have a difficult time, too. However, the purpose of this discussion is to find ways that fathers can reduce stress and be happier in their role as parents. Surprisingly, a [recent study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0192513X19860179) conducted through Penn State in 2019 found that dads were actually less stressed and less tired than moms. According to the author of the study, that’s because most of the activities between fathers and their children were recreational in nature and not based solely on the day-to-day needs of the child. The results of the study were rather controversial and might leave many fathers scratching their heads. Even Cadhla McDonnell, a key author the Penn State study, admitted that their findings were inconclusive. McDonnell “it’s impossible to say from our data whether this is the result of personal choices or whether it’s a reaction to outside forces like job demands.” Fatherhood isn’t easy and being the best dad ever takes more than just a few trips to the local park with junior.  Most men simply hide their emotional and mental stress from their partners. To be the strong, stable provider they often neglect to provide themselves with an outlet to vent their own frustrations. ***Is the key better activities? Better work/life balance? or something different all together?*** We reached out to Dr. Mark Schillinger, who is an expert on successful parenting practices for fathers, in order to gain greater clarity on how fathers relate to stress. His initial response was “In my 20+ years of mentoring fathers to become heartful and cooperative caregivers, I have learned that nothing will help a father better than learning how to control his stress levels quickly and consistently.” “This is achieved by teaching fathers how to do simple, effective mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques the moment they feel overwhelmed, even if it means doing a technique right in front of their coworker, spouse or child.” If you’re new to the concept of mindfulness you’re not alone. Many men have heard the term tossed around on social media feeds, but never learned how it can benefit them directly. Simply put, mindfulness is being aware of how you relate to the present moment. It’s the art of tuning out apprehensions about the future, regrets from the past, and dialing into what’s happening in the here and now. Dr. Schillinger goes on to say, “within 10 or 15 seconds, a father can lower his adrenaline and cortisol levels and replace those hormones with endorphins, which quickly relaxes his mind and body. Once calm, the father is then able to carefully choose what he wants to say or do, based on the values that he knows are the most important to communicate.” **Related:** [Are dads spending enough times with their kids?](https://guycounseling.com/are-dads-spending-enough-time-with-their-kids/) What Are Other Ways You Can Win at Being Dad? ## **Leave Work at Work** One of the best ways you can win at being a dad is to place a higher value on your family time than work time. It goes without saying that you’ll be expected to provide your family, but you should never get so bogged down in working that you neglect your children. Try to avoid unnecessary overtime. Sometimes, men try to impress their boss and co-workers by signing up for extra duties on the job. The dividends that you might receive for going the extra mile pale in comparison to what you’d gain by arriving home at a decent hour with the energy to pour love into your family. Spend time with your children and ask them questions about their day. *How was school? What did you have for lunch? Did you learn anything cool today?* It’s also important to follow up on issues that might have already occurred in your child’s life. Asking them a follow-up question about a difficult situation they’re facing shows them that you truly care and you’re with them, supporting them through the whole process. *Are things getting better with your girlfriend, son? Have you had any luck with learning those new plays from football practice? How did your teacher like the science project we worked on together?* ## **Reach Out to Other Fathers** You don’t have to parent alone. There are other men, other fathers out there who might have more experience dealing with stressful issues that you’re currently facing. Use them as a resource. You can also get together and have organized special events where your kids play with their kids. [Becky Stuempfig](http://www.encinitastherapy.com) is a licensed marriage & family therapist and she gave us some additional tips on how to tap into your community of likeminded fathers. She said, “my recommendation is that fathers spend more time on self-care and try to open up to other fathers about how they are feeling.” “It may be easier to start with one trusted friend or family member. Someone that they feel safe with or suspect has gone through similar feelings. Sometimes all it takes is one person saying something to the effect of *Do you ever just feel like you can’t keep up*? and they may be surprised how many fathers feel the exact same pressures that they’ve been internalizing for so long. It can bring a great deal of relief knowing that you’re not alone.” Moms often get together for book clubs, spa days, and shopping. Believe me fellas, they’re sharing parenting knowledge and helping each other through difficult problems. Men can do the same thing. We don’t have to do it at the shopping mall either. You could get a group of dads together and hit some balls at the baseball park. You’d be surprised at how therapeutic that could be for all of you. Stuempfig goes on to say “I also recommend that fathers search for support groups for Dads. Thankfully, these groups have been growing lately and it’s possible there’s one in your area. These groups are great because if fathers do not feel comfortable opening up to friends and family, these groups can feel like a safe option and everything is kept confidential.” ## **Communicate with Your Child** Communication is important to any relationship, doubly important in your role as a dad. When you regularly talk and listen to your child, you strengthen the family bonds. When problems do arise, there’s already an established link between you and your child. You don’t have to wait for your child to grow up either. You can sing and read to them at a very early age. In fact, [this study](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/05/190523111403.htm) published in the *Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics* earlier this year found that when you read to your toddler they grow up to be less hyperactive and destructive. You also don’t need to result to harsh parenting tactics to enforce discipline when you read to your child regularly. Awesome dads teach their children good values. You will never run out of opportunities to communicate these lessons to them. You can tell them a quick story while you’re having breakfast or make bedtime story time a nightly routine in your household. Your child will love the attention and time you’re giving them. Communication will get more difficult as they grow older. Most dads find it difficult to get their teen to want to be in the same room as them, let alone have a conversation. In these cases, rely on routine. If you have dinner together every Sunday, then this can give you an opportunity for some much-needed face time. ## **Summing Things Up** Forget the research and the scientific studies for a moment. It’s difficult to be an awesome dad. Period. You might see a photo of your buddy on social media with a big smile on his face, hugging his wife and children and think that they’ve got it all figured out. The truth is – you could take that same photo. Do you have everything figured out? It’s time to get real with each other. If you want to win at being a dad, then you must admit that sometimes you’re stressed out of your mind. Take the time to take good care of yourself, for yourself and for the sake of your family. Being a great dad at home is a big job. So, leave work at the office and clock in when you get home. Be present and mindful of their needs. Communicate with your children and reach out to other fathers. Tell your children how you feel and lead by example. They’re always listening even when they’re rolling their eyes and have headphones jammed up their ears. They’re still watching and listening. They want you to be an awesome dad. Now, hit one out of the park for them. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Children, Dad, Dads, Fathers, Parenting --- ### [Guided Imagery Exercise: A Letter From Your Future Self](https://guycounseling.com/guided-imagery-exercise-letter/) **Published:** November 17, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![guided imagery excercise](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/guided-imagery-letter-from-future-self.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Guided Imagery Exercise for Goal Attainment Guided imagery – it’s a topic that comes up a lot in my work with clients. At it’s core, [guided imagery](https://www.verywellmind.com/use-guided-imagery-for-relaxation-3144606) is nothing more than a verbal narration of an imaginary journey. An example might be listening to a relaxing MP3 recording where a gentle voice describes a flowing river. Using words, the voice paints a visual landscape and encourages you to hear the rushing water. As you enjoy the environment, you become calmer and calmer. Make sense? What you’ve just read is an example of guided imagery. I’m mentioning this as a prelude to what follows. In short, I’d like to share with you a guided imagery exercise I conduct with clients to help them reach specific goals. Examples include weight loss, muscle gain, more confidence or greater self-esteem. The exercise itself is called: *A letter from your future self*. In many ways, it is similar to another exercise I wrote called [How To Create A Circle of Confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/). Now here is the thing – the narrator of this exercise is you. Be sure to read through what follows carefully and then try doing it on your own. Some people find [doing a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) meditation helpful as part of preparation. OK, it’s time to get all woo-woo. Are you ready? Check it out. ## A Letter From Your Future Self For this self-improvement exercise, take a deep breath and close your eyes. Allow yourself to see nothing but darkness. When the time is right, imagine a small pinpoint of light appearing in the distance. **Walk towards that light.** As you step towards the light, you notice it takes on a circular shape, creating a mysterious portal. It’s OK if you feel warm as you approach this light circle. Conversely, it’s also OK if you feel nothing. The mind will present to you what is necessary. Continue walking. Once you are standing directly in front of the portal, remain there for a moment. When the time is right, your inner voice will gently nudge you to pass through the circle. ***You are now five years in the future.*** As you stand in this place, you are aware of a [greenish mist](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/). In the distance, you can make out a silhouette. Someone is walking towards your direction. The closer they get, the more familiar they seem. Eerily familiar. **All at once, you recognize it is the future version of you.** This person is now standing directly in front of you. Feeling calm but curious, you study this version of you and ask yourself: *What am I aware of?* For example, if you see a slimmer version of you, how does that make you feel? If notice you are tobacco-free, what do you smell like? If the person standing in front of you is more confident, how can you tell? Once you identify these things, have a conversation with your future self. Here are some questions you might ask: - *What steps did you take to create these positive changes?* - *What were the barriers to change that you had to work through?* - *What important advice can you give to me that is important to know?* After the answers are provided, it’s time to come back to the present. Allow your future self to step backwards, ultimately fading away. When the time is right, pass through the portal from which you entered. Step backwards in your mind’s eye until the circle of light becomes dimmer and dimmer, until it transforms into the pinpoint you saw at the beginning of this exercise. Slowly, open your eyes and adjust to the room. Take a few moments to write down any important memories you have from this experience. What messages were you given from your future self? What advice did this individual give you? \* The idea behind this homework assignment is help you reach [goals](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-you-sabotage-goals/) that are important to you in the future. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, goals, Guided imagery, hypnosis --- ### [Can Quitting Lead To Greater Happiness?](https://guycounseling.com/quitting-happiness/) **Published:** November 27, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![quitting happiness man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/happy-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How quitting may make you happier It may sound counter-intuitive or just downright crazy – giving up more often to have a better life. Yet, that’s precisely what wellness experts and life coaches are telling their clients and friends these days. When things aren’t working out for you, just give up and move on. That might be a hard pill to swallow when you consider the value society places on never giving up. It’s in our movies. The hero often saves the day and wins by never giving up against insurmountable odds. It’s in our music. Motivational song lyrics are filled with lines that extol the virtues of never quitting…ever. It’s huge in entrepreneurship. Business moguls tell you to keep working hard no matter what and you’ll eventually make it. This is especially true with men. We’ve been conditioned to see giving up or making a course correction as a colossal failure. It’s downright unmanly. Some of that comes from outdated societal norms. Part of it has to do with a certain cognitive bias that warps our reasoning. It’s called the sunk cost fallacy. Basically, we’re reluctant to let something go if we have already invested a great deal of time, energy, money, or emotion into it. We just keep banging away at it simply because we’ve already been banging away at it. That doesn’t make sense at all, but the sunk cost fallacy is one of the reasons we don’t just walk away to find something better. Wellness experts are on the front line of this mental war. Dwight Goldwinde is a transformative life coach with 32 years of experience. He’s an author, counsellor, and he lives an extraordinary life in Kunming, China. If you want some truly out of the box answers to life’s questions, then simply [Ask Dwight How](https://www.askdwighthow.org/). Here are his thoughts on why we value persistence over quitting. “This fact is a testament to the ongoing war that exists within almost all of us between our ***Now*** and our ***Next***. When we lionize our Next and demonize our Now, it makes perfect sense that we would worship persistence and vilify quitting.” Dwight goes on to say, “Yes, in many circumstances it makes sense to keep going, to try again, not to give up. And, if we’ve created peace between Now and Next so that Now is enjoying the process of whatever Next is going for, then persistence in our actions will be easy.” “But in other circumstances, when we learn something new that we didn’t know when we made the original decision, when new circumstances arise that did not exist previously and we did not anticipate, then quitting may be our perfect new choice.” Let’s face it, guys. Persistence isn’t always the best choice. You don’t get medals or cool points for persisting in a toxic relationship, persisting in a dead-end job, or persisting in a line of thought that is self-destructive. A wiser man knows when to hold onto something and when to let it go. It’s like Johnny Cash said, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em.” ***You Might Earn More Money If You Tell Your Boss “I quit!”*** According to figures from the [Bureau of Labor Statistics](https://www.bls.gov/news.release/jolts.nr0.htm), people certainly know when to quit their jobs. In fact, people in 2018 voluntarily quit their jobs at a rate we haven’t seen in nearly 20 years. So, why are people punching out for good these days? Well, wages are stagnant, and the labor market isn’t growing to keep pace with living expenses. People are finding that working hard every day in the hopes that you’ll get noticed, get promoted or get a raise is just not happening. In this case, persistence doesn’t pay off. It only locks you into your cubicle. What happens as a result of the mass migration from dead-end jobs is that people wind up finding better paying jobs or they at least start a new job in a higher position than before.  The average is about a 15% increase in pay when someone leaves one job for a new one. **Related:** [Can being kind to strangers boost happiness?](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thoughts-happiness-study/) Essentially, by giving up on your job, you are putting leverage back in your favor. Now, you can reset the terms of your career so that you can increase your earning potential. It might sound a bit risky, but if you are educated, highly skilled and potentially have good references, you could quit your way to a better life. ***Here are some more things that are healthy to quit:*** - Comparing yourself to others - Neglecting what you actually want in place of what you think you need - Micromanaging your every thought and action - Trying to please other people - Making excuses for how being unhappy now will pay off later It’s not just for work. Quitting can help you improve other areas of your life, as well. It’s true. You can give up and still win. If you give up trying to impress other people, then you’ll find more value in the life you already have. If you give up overthinking all your decisions and micromanaging your life, then you could be more mindful of the present moment and enjoy life more. If you give up on judging yourself, then you might love yourself a whole lot more. If you give up the idea that wanting to play Xbox tonight is such a bad thing, you might actually become more productive if you allow yourself a moment of fun before the hard work begins. ## Wrapping Up Giving up has always been vilified. We’ve been taught that persistence overcomes any obstacle in life. For men, giving up on something is the same as losing. If we quit on something or someone, we might feel like a failure. Yet, that’s not always the case. Persistence has its place, but a sane man knows when the better course of action is actually inaction. If you’re heading in the wrong direction, just quit. By giving up now, you could avoid 10 more years of a horrible marriage. You could give up on getting a degree in a field your parents wanted you to pursue and start a business in an industry that you’re passionate about. If your boss has passed you up for that crucial raise, then quit. Find a new job and set the bar yourself. Quitting doesn’t have to be a failure. In fact, it can be a tremendous source of power for you. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” -W.C. Fields **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Career, happiness, health, Quitting --- ### [Can A Self-Hypnosis Book Help You Reach Goals?](https://guycounseling.com/seven-habits-self-hypnosis-review/) **Published:** December 9, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![self-hypnosis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/mindfulness-coach-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Book Review: The 7 Most Effective Habits of Self-Hypnosis Are you trying to create a positive mindset for better health? Do you want to ditch bad habits? Hoping to put yourself on the road to financial freedom? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. Most of us want to live our best life possible. Moreover, we want to do so in ways that feel authentic. That’s why I’d like to share my impressions of a book I recently read entitled: The Seven Most Effective Methods of Self-Hypnosis: How to Create Rapid Change in your Health, Wealth, and Habits by Dr. Richard Nongard ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2P70rJQ)). Nongard is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Professional Hypnotist. In addition to his work as a clinician, he also teaches people the art of hypnosis. So, is this book worth the money? Can it teach you meaningful self-hypnosis techniques on the path to goal attainment? All I can tell you is that after spending time reading this publication, I was very pleased. Below is a quick rundown of my likes and dislikes. Just so you know, there weren’t many dislikes. Are you ready? Check it out. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3oEjHBa34dVLv0jnoc/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## What I liked: - Easy to understand learning techniques - Free of psycho-babble and confusing language - Addresses a variety of life areas - Self-calming exercises for use in everyday life - Contributions from different hypnotists ## What I didn’t like: As I hinted to above, there really isn’t much that I can say “negative” about this book. If my back were against the wall and I had to pick one thing, I guess I wish it were longer. I say this because I found myself engrossed in the different lessons and techniques and never wanted the book to end. ## Other thoughts One of my favorite sections of the book is entitled: “The Four Basic Strategies.” Here, Nongard walks you through each area, addressing autosuggestions, [autogenic training](https://guycounseling.com/autogenic-training-benefits/), progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness. Each concept acts as a pillar for other learnings that occur later in the book. An example of what I’m talking about is the “Light Switch Technique.” Using concepts of mindfulness and progressive muscle relaxation, you are taught how to create a deep state of inner peace. Imagine the ability to instantly turn on “calm” so that you can better focus on your goals? Well, I’m here to tell you this is very possible because I experienced it firsthand after trying it for myself. ## Bringing it all together If you are looking for a resource that offers concrete tools for goal attainment, *The Seven Most Effective Methods of Self-Hypnosis* might be a smart choice. Speaking only for myself, I found the entire read to be worthwhile. The price point is about right with a retail cost of $8.99 for the paperback and $4.49 on Kindle. So, there you have it folks – my impressions of this book. Have you engaged in self-hypnosis? If so, did it help you? Share your thoughts below. **Categories:** Mind, News, Reviews **Tags:** Books, hypnosis, Self-Improvement --- ### [Viking Meditation: Thor’s Hammer For Sexual Confidence](https://guycounseling.com/viking-meditation-thors-hammer/) **Published:** December 9, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![viking meditation confidence](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/thors-hammer-pic.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Sexual Confidence Meditation for Performance Anxiety \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”22″ \] Do you struggle with sexual performance anxiety? Are you a man who has the desire for intimacy, but can’t seem to make it over the finish line? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. While the numbers aren’t exact, there have been [estimates](https://www.unitypoint.org/livewell/article.aspx?id=eee06586-c13f-467d-8b28-7caed9c130c4) to suggest that around 50% of men over 40 experience some form of erectile dysfunction, also known as “ED”. If this describes your situation, it is critical that you make an appointment with your physician to rule out medical causes. Some of the more common reasons men develop ED include: - Cardiovascular disease - Diabetes - Vascular disorders - Obesity - Alcohol abuse and dependence - Hormonal problems There may be other physiological causes not mentioned above. For a more comprehensive list, see this [page from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/erectile-dysfunction/myths-and-facts-about-erectile-dysfunction). With that said, some men struggle with ED and sexual performance anxiety because of anxiety and stress. To complicate matters, a fear of not being able to perform can feed off itself. Perhaps you can relate? It is for this reason that I created the embedded recording, designed to help calm and relax. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Ch1zCx8tu6DQY/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Sexual Performance Anxiety Meditation We know from research that mindfulness-based activities can help some men (and women) who struggle with anxiety in the bedroom. See this fascinating article from [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201905/mindfulness-meditation-helps-resolve-many-sex-problems). With the goal of helping guys live more mindful lives, I designed this Viking meditation to bolster sexual confidence. Infused with concepts from Milton Erickson and combined with Nordic myth, the narrative is entirely based on metaphor. **Related:** [Erotic hypnosis explained](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-10-facts-you-might-not-know/) If you are a fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the legend of Thor, you will no doubt recognize the objects and places mentioned. The hope of this recording is to transport you to the [realm of Asgard](https://norse-mythology.org/cosmology/the-nine-worlds/asgard/) via the Bifrost, a magical wormhole, as depicted in many of the Thor movies. Once you are there, you can tap into the Odin Force and wield the mighty hammer. Please note this MP3 is entirely **“G” rated** and is appropriate for several life challenges – not just performance worries. Finally, this recording should not be used as a substitute for medical care or therapy. I hope you find it useful. Enjoy. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, hypnosis, Hypnotic, Meditation, Thor --- ### [7 Ways To Increase Your Self-Worth (E23)](https://guycounseling.com/self-worth/) **Published:** December 14, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man reflecting self-worth](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Self-Worth and how perception is projection \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”23″ \] Hello – and welcome to episode 23 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore. I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago, Illinois – and I’ve been involved with counseling for the better part of 15-years. In addition to my work as a therapist, I also teach college courses psychology and business. You know, I created to this podcast because I wanted to extend the walls of my practice and offer a safe place for guys to get insight into important topics they care about. Now here is the deal – there are three specific groups of men I am trying to reach. The first are men who are open to topics about wellness and naturally gravitate towards self-help material. The second are guys who may have been previously diagnosed with something – be it anxiety, depression, PTSD or problems with self-perception. And then there’s that third group. These are men who are never going to knock on the door of someone like me – a therapist – to reveal what’s going on in their life. They’re just not going to do it – BUT, they might be curious enough to tap on an app and listen to a show that relates to something going on in their life. So, if you fall into any of those groups, I’m really glad you are here. Oh, and before I forget – I recognize that women also listen to this -which makes sense. In many cases, they just want a better understanding of the male mind and are hoping to gain insight into how guys think. And so, if this describes you, right on – I am thrilled to have you! Now quick disclaimer. This podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for therapy or mental health counseling. If you’ve been tuning in for a while, you probably know that I like to provide concrete tools for working through challenging issues. Over the years, I’ve learned that men – in the general sense – are fixers. In other words, we like having solutions, or at least options, for dealing some of the problems we face. Which brings us to today’s topic … **Self-Worth.** You know what I’m talking about right? That’s the little voice in your head that makes you question who you are, including how you look and your abilities. Can you relate? Now I’m going to let you in on a little secret. One of the main reason’s guys seek out guidance from a counselor is to get help with their[ self-concept](https://guycounseling.com/8-self-esteem-tips-men/). And so, as part of this show, I’ll share with you the story of Tim; a thirty-something year old man who had serious problems with his own self-concept. In telling his tale, I’ll also provide you seven practical things that you can do to move about the business of creating change. Some of you may be thinking, “Oh, come on Dr. John. Self-worth can’t be instantly fixed.” Well, yep – that’s right. I’m not saying that it can be. But I am suggesting that over time, it is possible to transform how you view – and feel about yourself – into something healthier. The hard truth is change is never easy. The reality is it takes hard work, coupled with a heavy dose of mindfulness, to move the dial. So, we’re going to talk about that. Also, in this show, I’ll share with you a reader email from a man who struggles with social anxiety and isn’t sure what to do about it. Do you have problems with being around groups of people? Is there a part of you who fears being embarrassed or somehow coming off as a fool? If the answer us yes, you’ll want to keep listening to the show. Lots of topics coming up. I’m really glad you’re here. ## **Self-Worth Defined** Self-worth. It’s one of those catch-all terms that gets bandied about in our culture. But what does it really mean? Well, I’m going to try and define it for you. Yeah, I recognize this may be intuitive and self-explanatory, but I’m going to provide a working definition anyway because there may be some listeners who might benefit. In a nutshell, **self-worth** is a personality trait that is largely made up of three ingredients: One: Beliefs about yourself, such likeability and     attractiveness Two: Beliefs about your abilities – such as being able to accomplish a task and; Three: Your overall sense of confidence. When you mix these three ingredients, the end result is self-concept, also known as self-worth. In hearing this totally non-clinical definition, I’m hoping to provide context for a story I’d like to share with you about a client I once worked with named Tim. It was around five years ago that Tim contacted me for guidance around his self-concept. Tim was in his mid-thirties, unmarried, and had recently broken up with his girlfriend. After the relationship collapsed, he fell into a well of depression. He wasn’t having much luck re-entering the dating scene and began adopting beliefs that he later recognized to be unhealthy … and untrue. Some examples included feeling like he wasn’t worth anything, believing that he wasn’t attractive and holding thoughts that in the general sense – he wasn’t good enough to date. Can you relate? If you’ve ever experienced a setback in life, like getting dumped or losing a job – or in some way feeling rejected, you already know it can be a real blow to your self-worth. In Tim’s case, his entire sense of self was in the shitter. And the crappy thing is Tim’s situation worsened because the thoughts he held about himself became a self-fulfilling prophecy. There’s an old saying, based on the work of Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung, that goes something like this: **Perception is projection**. In other words, what you believe about yourself is projected outward and then reflected back … through the people you interact with. In many cases, the reflection is a distortion. Here’s an example. You are walking down the street and pass by an attractive woman. You try to make brief eye contact and smile. She seems unresponsive and keeps walking. No eye contact occurs, and the smile is not reciprocated. Immediately, you think to yourself, “OK, wow – I really must be ugly. Why the hell would she look at me? I’m not exactly handsome and I’m not all that interesting.” Do you see what happened there? The beliefs you held about yourself got projected outward onto another – and then reflected back. Now here is the thing. That woman you smiled at could very well be having a crummy day. Maybe she’s just not in an interactive mood.  Or perhaps, she’s not into the whole flirting thing because she already attached. I think you get my point. When we assign the reasons behind an action – or inaction – to another, it is often a function of our self-perceptions – reflected outward. Going back to my former client Tim, this was certainly the case for him. Because of his recent breakup, coupled a history of stinking thinking, he held some beliefs about himself that became a self-fulfilling prophecy. In our work together, one of the first things I got Tim to realize is – perception is projection. And trust me when I tell you this was no easy task. You see, for years, he had been playing a mental tape in his head that was filled with negative self-talk. How he adopted those beliefs is a whole other show but I can tell you that he grew up in a home with a father that was emotionally unavailable and a mother that extremely critical. In the world of psychology, these early messages we adopt are called **parental introjects**. Quite literally, they are messages that our parents give us that we adopt deep into our psyche and infuse into our belief system. I’m going to link to a page in show notes from [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201306/identity-and-introjection) that provides more context So, let’s get back to Tim and draw a line between his situation and the larger issue of poor self-worth. After all, that is why you are here, right? I’m going to gikve you seven things Tim did – with the help of talk-therapy – that helped to create positive change. ## 1. Challenge your irrational beliefs You may think this one is obvious, but you’d be surprised how often it gets overlooked. Here’s the deal. The thoughts you hold about yourself hold major influence on your self-worth. If you want to turn things around, it is vital that you focus on that internal voice and disrupt irrational thoughts that are not grounded in evidence. For example. You may think you are uninteresting. But is that *really* true or do you just *think* that? Do you have any evidence to support this belief? If you don’t, then why are you saying to yourself, “I’m uninteresting?” What would it be like to replace that kind of thinking with something different? To help you on this front, I’ve created a link in show notes to a worksheet from the [Therapist Aid website](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/cognitive-model-example-practice/cbt/none) that you can use as a tool. I hope you check it out. ## 2. Stop comparing yourself One of the problems with comparing ourselves to others is how unfair the process can be. In [episode 18](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e18-5-signs-its-time-to-take-a-break-from-social-media/id1465473031?i=1000442847165), I talked about how the game of comparisons can be toxic, particularly in an age of social media. And so, what you hear me saying is this – focus on your own strengths, skills and abilities and less on what you perceive about someone else. What would it be like to make a list of your abilities and lean into your strengths? Have you ever tried this? What do you have to lose? ## 3. Be yourself Being yourself may sound cliché but what does that really mean? Well, I’ll tell you. It means embracing who you are, including those parts of yourself that need improvement. None of us are perfect. Goodness knows I’m not. But I can tell you that if you try to pretend to be someone else, it almost never works out. Think about it. Can you tell when someone is being fake vs. being authentic? One of the things I asked Tim to do was to create a circle of confidence. The idea was to access his subconscious and generate a sense of self-acceptance. If you would like to do this for yourself, visit [episode 21 of the podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-create-a-circle-of-confidence-a-hypnotic-meditation/id1465473031?i=1000457938563). ## 4. Practice self-care In a nutshell, self-care is when you do things that nurture and support your emotional and physical self. Examples include reading a book that interests you, learning a new skill or doing cardio on the treadmill. At its core, we are talking about investing in yourself. When you do this, you become *less* interested in what others think about you and more focused on what you think about yourself. I think you get my point. What are you doing to focus on self-care? ## 5. Set small goals When your self-worth is in the dumpster, it’s easy to get lost in a morass of sadness and depression. While there is no such thing as an instant “cure”, you can take steps to effect change. Specifically, I’m talking about setting small goals. An example might be organizing your closet or gathering clothes you don’t wear anymore and donating them to charity. The idea here is to jack-up feelings of accomplishment and to increase your self-worth. Again, we’re talking about small goals. Down the road, you can tackle bigger things. But like the old saying goes, you’ve got to walk before you run. Make sense? ## 6. Focus on gratitude One of the things Tim started to do to help increase his self-worth was to take note of things he was grateful for. These things don’t have to be grandiose. In fact, the smaller the better. An example could be being grateful for the ability to feel the warm sun on your skin or finding a penny on the street. The idea is to look for the positive. And here’s the powerful thing about gratitude – the more aware you are of the good things in your life, the more you notice the positive aspects of yourself. So, can you think of anything – right now – that you are grateful for? ## 7. Find a therapist OK, I’ve saved this one for last. One of the best ways you can help boost your self-concept is by working with a therapist. Ideally, you will find someone who practices various forms of cognitive behavior therapy or CBT. I’m not suggesting other forms of counseling aren’t helpful because they can be. It’s just that we know from lots of research that CBT helps folks root out unhealthy thinking patterns offering tools for creating change. Finding a therapist isn’t all that hard. Just head on over to Psychology Today and pop in your zip-code. You’ll find lots of options. So, you may be wondering what happened to Tim? I can tell you that he’s in a much better place than he used to be. Not long ago, he sent me an email revealing that he’d recently tied the knot and that his wife was pregnant. He also shared that while things aren’t perfect, he’s doing much better and still practices many of the things he learned in in the counseling office. Pretty cool stuff, don’t you think? In closing out this segment, I’ll leave you with the following questions: *What thoughts do you hold about yourself? If they are negative, what are you doing to change them?* ## Social Anxiety Our listener email comes to us from a younger man who is dealing with social anxiety. I’ll share with you what he wrote and then offer my thoughts and reactions. *Hi, Dr. John,* *I try to listen to your podcast whenever I can and want to thank you for making this show available. I’m a 31-year old man living in Florida.* *My problem is simply this – I’ve got a bad case of social anxiety. I know this because I was diagnosed with this problem around a year ago from my psychologist.* *I completely agree with the diagnosis because for my whole life, I have struggled to be around groups of people, particularly strangers, because I fear being judged.* *What sucks is that I want to be more social and be around others. But it just seems like whenever I am given the opportunity to be part of some group activity or engage in something social, I cop out.* *Just the other day, our company had a holiday party at a hotel. I walked into the event with the intent of staying for an hour. Long story short, I got so overwhelmed that I left within five minutes.* *While I think therapy is helping, I wonder if there are other things I can be doing to help? Thanks again for the show.* *Signed,* *Anthony* — You know, in reading this note I can’t help but think about how many guys I’ve worked who have battled with this problem. While the numbers are somewhat scattered, current estimates suggest something like 15 million people live with some form of social anxiety. I’m linking to an [article from PsyCom](https://www.psycom.net/social-anxiety-disorder-overview) that offers more insight. And here’s the thing – it’s a problem that is widely misunderstood and often not discussed. I’ll read to you what I wrote back to the listener where I share my thoughts. *Dear Anthony,* *I’m super glad that you wrote and thank you for listening to the podcast. Having social anxiety disorder can be a real bummer because it can do a real number on our self-esteem.* *You mentioned in your email that you were working with a psychologist and that it has been helpful. Right off the bat, I want to say that your decision to see a therapist was a smart move.* *The hard truth is social anxiety disorder, sometimes referred to as a social phobia, is a complex issue that requires a multi-prong approach. I wish that I could tell you there is an instant fix but that just isn’t the case.* *But what I can tell you is that would hard work, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Part of this involves going to therapy – like you are doing right now – and working on your self-concept.* *But in addition to this, some people benefit from taking a SSRI, as part of working through. I’m not suggesting you need to be on meds. I’m not a medical doctor.* *I’m simply saying that for some folks, it can be helpful as part of a comprehensive treatment approach. I’ve included a link to the* [*Mayo Clinic*](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20353567) *that talks this a bit more.* *Have you been referred to a psychiatrist by your therapist? If not, it might be something you want to bring up during therapy. If you have been referred, did you follow through and make an appointment?* Also, there are groups to consider. Some are online and others face to face. I’m going to link to a page from [Very-Well](https://www.verywellmind.com/social-anxiety-support-groups-3024876) for your consideration. *Finally, I’d like to recommend a resource to you that folks I’ve worked with have found helpful. It’s called The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook (*[*see Amazon*](https://amzn.to/2PEn9aY)*).* *What I like about this read are the activities inside that can help to challenge self-limiting thoughts. There are also exercises inside that are designed to help you gain greater confidence when in the presence of others. It’s worth checking out.* *Anthony, thanks again for this email. I hope this response was helpful to you.* ## Wrap Up — We explored a number of topics in today’s podcast, didn’t we? We talked about the concept of self-worth and how perception is projection. We also examined seven concrete things you can do to help boost your self-worth. Finally, we also looked at the topic of social anxiety disorder and assessed ways of working through. Thanks so much for listening today. You know, there are lots of ways to get in touch with me. You can stop by my website at guycounseling.com or visit one of my social medial pages. I’m on Facebook at Guy Counseling – and I’m also on Twitter and Instagram with the same handle. You can also email me <john@guycounseling.com> Anything you send me is confidential. If you write something and don’t want it shared on the podcast, just say it goes nowhere – promise. Finally, I just want to say thank you to the folks who have been leaving reviews. In reading through them, I am humbled by the many kind words and comments – truly. Recently, a person named the Prince of Sherwood left the following on iTunes: “This podcast is exactly what men need, someone who’s not afraid of talking about these issues and does it from a well-informed, actional perspective.” See, it’s comments like that one that act as fuel for motivation for me to keep doing these. Here’s the thing – because I actively see clients and teach college, I don’t always have time to create these shows as frequently as I’d like. Still, the reviews motivate me to make time. So, if the spirit moves you, feel free to share something on iTunes or wherever you may listen. And so there you have it – another show. As you can probably tell, I don’t have a professional audio-engineer or doing editing. Everything you hear has been done by me – imperfections and all. Thank you so much for being here. Be mindful of your internal dialogue. Focus on your strengths and gifts. Remember that perception is projection. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John and this has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** Confidence, Mindfulness, Self-Esteem, Self-Worth --- ### [5 Ways of Working Through Shy Bladder Syndrome](https://guycounseling.com/shy-bladder-syndrome/) **Published:** December 18, 2019 **Author:** AJ Sturges **Content:** ![toilet pee shy syndrome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/toilet-pee-shy-syndrome.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Paruresis – Shy Bladder Syndrome Every day, over 20 million Americans (7% of the U.S. population according to [the International Paruresis Association](https://paruresis.org/). struggle to relieve themselves. Paruresis, or shy bladder syndrome, occurs when an individual’s process of using the restroom causes great worry or inconvenience. This inconvenience is compounded by the number of times each day that human bladders need to be drained. The psychological implications of a shy bladder are far reaching and unavoidable. Men, specifically, are constantly faced with communal restroom experiences that require exposure and visible inspection of whether or not you succeed in going. Go to Wrigley Field [men’s rooms](https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/25894368/inside-taboo-bizarre-revealing-world-stadium-bathrooms-super-bowl-liii-nfl-2018) and you will see a shy bladder’s worst nightmare. While collective urinal troughs represent an engineering feat of efficiency for sports stadiums, they grossly ignore the personal nature of urination and block many individuals from being able to enjoy large gatherings, spend time with friends or family, or even travel. Absent of medical conditions, there are numerous psychological factors that can contribute to a shy bladder, and guide treatment strategies. If you are looking to find relief from a shy bladder, you may consider one of these five treatment strategies as part of your journey on the path to healing. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/fKDSPNuBNthG8/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## 1. Hypnotherapy Creating deep states of physical and mental relaxation are the primary objectives of hypnotherapy applied towards bladder shyness. Reconnecting with the unconscious mind, a carrier of so much responsibility in daily bodily functions, allows the natural process of urination to return to its normal state. Clients who experience hypnotherapy from a certified practitioner will improve their ability to access deep physical and mental relaxation and gain confidence in their ability to change their experience in real time. Accessing relaxation in the bathroom can make the difference between a successful trip, and a frustrating hold.  Learn more in this post on the [benefits of hypnotherapy for anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/). ## 2. Exposure Therapy Behavior modification through exposure therapy follows a controlled progression of increasingly stressful events, eventually leading to the target desired behavior. For bladder shyness, this may include visualization of using a public restroom, then looking at pictures of a bathroom, to standing in a bathroom, and ultimately using the bathroom with another person present in the room. Throughout this process, clients are monitored in their expression of “units of distress” to help identify specific triggers for anxiety, as well as to maximize the therapeutic benefit of the process. Exposure therapy should be deliberate, and clients should not be sent into situations that produce unreasonable distress. Exposure therapy adopts the mentality that some anxiety regarding the experience is acceptable and to be expected. Learning to be more comfortable and to manage that anxiety is the goal. ## 3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for bladder shyness targets self-beliefs and attitudes towards bathrooms as well as the experience of using the bathroom. Thoughts are important! And the language being provided when preparing for or attempting to use the bathroom can profoundly change our attitude towards the whole experience. Are you fixating on negative past experiences or are you offering yourself examples of success? Are your thoughts judgmental and extreme (e.g. “you should be able to go!”, “you’re always going to freeze up!”)? If so, working with a licensed therapist on challenging negative core beliefs, putting our thoughts on trial, and creating adaptive cognitive “performance” cues may be impactful. ## 4. Trauma-Informed Therapy Looking below the surface of a shy bladder may reveal emotionally charged events from the past. These events can relate to past experiences of privacy (being barged in on while using the bathroom), sexual trauma, or other events that have triggered the body’s fear response. [Trauma-informed therapy](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4701681/) works to acknowledge and reprocess difficult events of the past that may be influencing current experiences. If a trauma is bathroom-related (whether direct or ambiguous), the daily act of urination, or even having to pee, can re-trigger the traumatic event. In this case, working with a trauma-informed specialist can help in reprocessing the activating event and developing adaptive coping strategies for use in any bathroom setting. ## 5. Emotional Freedom Technique Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or tapping, is an excellent strategy for working through mental blocks such as bladder shyness. EFT taps into the body’s natural energy meridians to release cognitive blocks and reduce emotional distress. Through a series of light tapping in specific areas, coupled with a directive and affirmative mantra, tapping removes the negative emotional charge that may be getting in the way of bathroom relief. Once learned, tapping can be used anywhere, and can offer a way to defuse anxiety about using the bathroom before it can even begin. See this page from [EFT International](https://eftinternational.org/the-case-of-the-shy-bladder-tracking-down-a-specific-trauma-brings-emotional-and-physical-relief/) to learn more. Bladder shyness is anxiety producing and can be debilitating. Modern public restrooms do not appropriately accommodate the needs of individuals who are seeking natural relief. If you have ever had to change your plans, leave early, or cancel travel due to bladder shyness, consider reaching out for help. The relief you desire is possible! **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Paruresis, Pee Shy, Shy Bladder Syndrome --- ### [Anxiety Podcast: Autogenic Training Meditation](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-podcast-autogenic-training/) **Published:** December 19, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anxiety podcast autogenic training](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/anxiety-podcast.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Anxiety Podcast – Calmness ## Anxiety Podcast: Learn Autogenic Training \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”24″ \] I’m very happy you’ve decided to take this step today to learn a new skill that is designed to create a sense of inner-peace. Specifically, I am talking about [Autogenic Training](https://guycounseling.com/autogenic-training-benefits/). As you listen to the [sounds on this MP3](https://open.spotify.com/episode/1Rfwbkqb1ARwvDTfQyQTXL), I encourage you to find a comfortable place to relax. Examples include listening while lying on your bed, sitting back in a comfortable chair or stretched out on your living room floor. But please, do not listen to this recording while you are operating an automobile – even if you are just a passenger. If you happen to be in an office chair, take a moment now to ensure that your wheels are locked and that you are positioned in ways that make you most comfortable. [Autogenic Training](https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-practice-autogenic-training-for-relaxation-3024387) is a pathway to calmness. By listening to this hypnotic meditation, and by practicing the affirmations that follow, you can create a state of relaxation, happiness and peace – deep inside. There’s nothing you really need to try and do. Simply follow my directions and notice that my voice will go with you. At the conclusion of this recording, you will find that you have experienced something amazing – and developed a new skill that can be called upon in the future. In a moment, you will hear ambient music playing in the background. These sounds have been added to help enhance your experience and deepen your state of relaxation. ![anxiety meditation autogenic training](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/sun-rising-photo.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Think of the sun While you engage in this exercise, you may hear sounds from the outside world. Consider these nothing more than confirmation that the universe is doing just fine. **Now go ahead and clear your mind.** Draw your awareness to your breath. With intent, allow yourself to breathe in and out, focusing your attention on the moment. This would be a good time to close your eyes and pay attention to anywhere you’re carrying the tension of the day. Unclench the jaw; relax the small, tiny muscles in your brow and your eyelids. If you’re sitting in a chair, let your hands rest on the arms of the chair – or – on your lap – without being crossed. Let your feet rest firmly on the floor below you. If you’re lying on the ground or resting on a bed, you can let your arms lay comfortably beside you – next to your body. Let your heels rest comfortably on the ground – nice and relaxed. Pay attention to your breath. By paying attention to the breath, you are drawing your attention to the here and now. Wow – you are doing absolutely perfect. You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing right now – to learn the art of Autogenic Training. Anywhere you notice any remaining tension of the day, just release those places that hold that tension. Let your shoulders relax. You can even let your chin fall towards your chest, if you’re sitting in a chair. Let any stress and tension that remains simply melt away. Notice, that without effort, your breathing has already become more smooth and rhythmic. Your heart rate has slowed and become calm and regular. It’s amazing how practicing something this simple, with intention, generates an environment of focus, allowing you to tap into that special place of inner creativity. “Calm and regular” “Calm and regular” You’re doing perfect. **At this time, draw your awareness to your hands.** As you focus on your hands, think of the word – warmth. Visualize a bright, sunny day where the warmth of the sun touched your skin and radiated throughout your body. I don’t know if it will happen now or later, but … you may become aware of a warm, tingling sensation that, is everywhere and nowhere at once. Should this happen – simply go with the experience. Your subconscious mind knows exactly what to produce and when to produce it. Allow yourself to feel this warmness and continue focusing on your hands. Say to yourself – perhaps in a whisper: ***My hands are warm*** ***My hands are warm*** ***My hands are warm*** Let yourself notice this sensation of warmness on the back of your hands – the inside of the hands – and even the fingertips. You might be aware of a slight awareness of warmth, or it may be an incredible feeling of warmth. Either way is OK. You are accessing the creative part of your mind to generate a sense of warmness in your hands … as you relax. As easily as you can create warmth in the hands, you can even create heaviness as well. Say to yourself: ***My hands are heavy*** ***My hands are heavy*** ***My hands are heavy*** And let those hands become heavy. Notice that as you breathe in and out, as the heart rate slows a bit, as the breath continues to be smooth and rhythmic, your entire body can experience a sense of heaviness. Now, focus on your feet. Become aware of heaviness in your feet with an awareness of warmth. Say to yourself: ***My feet are warm and heavy*** ***My feet are warm and heavy*** ***My feet are warm and heavy*** You are doing great – you really are. Notice that you’ve created a state of relaxation and accessed that part of the mind where creativity lies – where intuition exists and where solutions are experienced. Continue to imagine the warmth from the sun as you experience this calmness – with your arms and legs resting heavily. *My right arm is heavy* *I am calm and relaxed* *My left arm is heavy* *I am calm and relaxed* *Both of my arms are heavy* *I am calm and relaxed* *My right leg is heavy* *I am calm and relaxed* *My left leg is heavy* *I am calm and relaxed* *Both of my legs are heavy* *I am calm and relaxed* *My arms and legs are heavy and warm* *I feel at peace* Now, imagine a cool breeze is caressing your forehead and you feel cool and comfortable. Continue to feel the heaviness and warmth in your arms and legs, calmness in your breathing, strength in your heartbeat, and coolness on your forehead. You feel good. Just stay the way you are, relaxed, energized, filled with vibrant energy. I am going to count backwards from 5 to 1. When we reach zero, you will open your eyes … slowly … and feel wide awake and alert. **Five:** becoming more awake and alert **Four:** feeling your mind and body reawaken **Three:** move your muscles a little **Two:** more alert and aware of your environment **One:** Firmly centered in the here and now **Zero:** open your eyes – feeling full of energy and refreshed — Adapted from Dr. Richard Nongard – [Subliminal Science](https://subliminalscience.com/) **Categories:** Mind, Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety, Autogenic Training, Self-Hypnosis, stress --- ### [5 Simple Coping Skills For Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/coping-skills-anxiety/) **Published:** December 25, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![coping skills anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/coping-skills-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Anxiety Coping Skills Looking for coping skills for anxiety? Do you want to find natural ways of working through the jitters? Need some concrete tools that you can call on for calmer living? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. The hard truth is anxiety is one of the leading mental health challenges in the United States. While the numbers are somewhat scattered, current estimates suggest nearly [forty-million people](https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics) living with some form of anxiety. Examples include generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and social anxiety disorder. “There is a real need for people to learn strategies for coping with anxiety, given how prevalent these life challenges are in the United States,” said [Kevin Cole](https://www.lasvegashypnosiscenter.com/), a Las Vegas based Life Coach and hypnotherapist that we spoke to for this piece. Before sharing the five strategies below, it is essential to schedule an appointment with your medical doctor to rule out physiological causes for anxiety. Believe it or not, some health conditions that can exacerbate anxious states and contribute to a disparate mood. Examples include a thyroid condition, blood glucose problems or a vitamin deficiency. With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s check out the five coping skills for anxiety that you can use right now. ![five coping strategies anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=543%2C344&ssl=1)5 coping techniques for anxiety ## 1. Challenge Negative Thinking One of the most powerful ways to push back against anxiety is to examine your thoughts and assess for negative thinking. If you notice a pattern taking place, challenge your negative thoughts to determine if they are based in fact. To learn more, [listen to this podcast on anxiety and fear](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e4-what-is-anxiety-and-fear/id1465473031?i=1000439979906). Discover cognitive behavioral techniques that are designed to help you shift your thinking in new and healthy ways. ## 2. Four Squared Breathing While this tip may sound cliché, it is a coping strategy that can help. One excellent way to engage in this exercise is to practice Four Squared Breathing – otherwise known as Boxed Breathing. There is an excellent article with a video on the [Healthline website](https://www.healthline.com/health/box-breathing#slowly-inhale) that teaches you the Four Squared Breathing Technique. Many people have found this approach helpful during times of fear and panic. ## 3. Create a Worry Box At its core, a worry box is a container that you create to store your worries. This container can be anything. Examples include an old shoebox, Tupperware or, even a mason jar. To use, simply write down your worries on slips of paper. Then, place the sheets in your worry box. At a designated time of your choosing, grab your box and pull out a slip. Give yourself thirty minutes to focus on your worry and journal about it. Many people find what they were concerned about earlier in the day is no longer as important to them. Others have found that by challenging worries with a cognitive behavioral therapy [(CBT) worksheet](https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/socratic-questioning/cbt/none) helps to diffuse anxiety. ## 4. Take a 15 Minute Walk Anxiety loves nothing more when it has time to psychologically and physiologically take root. To throw a monkey wrench into its powers and as a tool for coping, take a 15-minute walk. By moving your body, you introduce yourself to different scenery and create a new mental landscape. Research studies have found [nature therapy](https://guycounseling.com/nature-lifts-mood-114/) can act as a powerful mood stabilizer. ## 5. Autogenic Training   If you are looking for the ultimate way to create a sense of inner peace and tranquility, autogenic training may be just what you need. Incorporating mind and body elements, Autogenic Training (AT) can reduce your heart rate, calm nerves and generate feelings of happiness. In many ways, AT is similar to mindfulness meditation. Learn more about the [benefits of Autogenic Training](https://guycounseling.com/autogenic-training-benefits/) and how to do it on this page. ## Wrap Up Anxiety and stress can make life miserable. By adopting coping strategies that challenge your thinking and help diffuse tension, greater happiness is possible. **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Coping, fear, stress, Worry --- ### [How To Deal With Toxic Shame (E25)](https://guycounseling.com/toxic-shame/) **Published:** December 27, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![toxic shame man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/toxic-shame-working-through.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Episode 25 – Toxic Shame \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”25″ \] Hello – and welcome to episode 25 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore. I’m a licensed mental health professional out of Chicago, Illinois – and I’ve been involved with therapy and coaching work for the better part of 15-years. In addition to these things, I also teach college courses psychology and business. If you are a follower of this show, you already know that I created this podcast because I wanted to extend the walls of my practice and reach three specific groups of men. The first are guys who are open to topics about wellness and naturally gravitate towards material related to self-help. The second group are men who may have been previously diagnosed with something – could be depression, anxiety, ADHD or a trauma. And then there’s the third group. Here, I am talking about men who are never going tap on the door of someone like me – a therapist – to share what’s going on in their life. It ain’t happening, which makes me about as popular as a porcupine in a balloon factory for a lot of these guys. BUT, these same men might be curious enough to put on some earbuds and listen to a show that speaks to something going on in their lives. Regardless of what brought you to today’s show, I want you to know that thrilled you are listening. Oh, and before I forget – I recognize that women also listen to this podcast. In many cases, they are hoping to gain new insight into the male mind and to better understand how guys think. And so, if you happen to be a woman listening, here’s a big welcome. Now quick disclaimer. I’m not your personal therapist and this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling. Instead, think of this show as a conduit to learning. ## We’re Talking About Toxic Shame OK – with that said – one of the reasons guys tune into the Men’s Self-Help Podcast is to gain concrete, actionable tools for working through challenging life issues. My hope is that by listening, you’ll get exactly what you are looking for to create momentum for change. Which brings us to today’s topic … **Shame.** You know what I’m talking about right? It’s that feeling you get that runs through your entire body that says, “You are defective” or “You are less than”. Some people even describe shame in physiological terms, meaning they can feel it as a cold chill running down their spine or heat that runs right up their neck. Can you relate? If so, you aren’t alone. Here’s the full-on truth – there’s a lot of men who live with shame and it directly impacts their self-worth. Insidious in nature, shame has a way of permeating your entire life and damaging your self-perception. And so, as part of this show, I’ll share with you the story of Nick; a twenty-five-year-old man who I worked with not too long ago that struggled with this problem. I’m also going to tell you a recent experience I had with shame. Here’s a hint – over the past several weeks, I’ve started wearing a prosthetic tooth. Yep, that’s right – one of my teeth is missing. So, we’re going to talk about that. We’re also going to talk about this week’s listener email from a man who is struggling to be emotionally present after the birth of his son and isn’t sure what to do about it. Do have issues being emotionally available? Are you worried about being a new dad? If the answer is yes, you’ll want to keep listening. Lot’s of topics coming in today’s show. I’m really glad you are here. ## Toxic Shame – A Closer Look **Shame** – it’s a topic that doesn’t get nearly enough attention in today’s society, particularly when it comes to men and emotions. Know what I’m saying? Some of you may be wondering – what is *shame*? Well, I’m going to give you a non-clinical, watered down definition. Here it goes: At its core, *shame* is a painful emotional state that encompasses your entire body. Like anxiety, it’s an intense and often overwhelming affect that is connected to your autonomic nervous system. And here’s the ugly part – it makes you feel like you’re somehow defective, meaning you aren’t good enough and “less than” – so to speak. The physical manifestations of shame can include: - Blushing - An inability to make eye contact - Other body language signals, like a slumped body. - Speaking in low or almost whispered tones But wait – there’s more: **Shame is a survival response**, similar to flight, fight and freeze. In this way, it really is similar to anxiety. If you have a chance, check out [episode four](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e4-what-is-anxiety-and-fear/id1465473031?i=1000439979906) to learn more about this primal response. At any rate, this is why shame is so powerful – because it manifests itself psychologically and emotionally. When combined, the two create a vicious cycle that repeats itself in perpetuity. ## Shame vs. Anxiety vs. Guilt Now I want to differentiate two words that often get confused with shame. The first is **fear** and the second is **guilt**. While similar in nature, they aren’t exactly the same and here’s why: **Fear** is almost always focused on the source of the threat. An example might be seeing a bear in the woods that causes you to momentarily stop in your tracks – to hesitate. **Shame**, on the other hand, isn’t about something external. Instead, it’s about what you feel deep inside. See the difference? The other one is **guilt**. An example here might be feeling bad about cheating on your partner or plagiarizing on an essay in order to get a passing grade. Almost always, guilt involves a negative evaluation about a specific behavior. Shame, however, is an **internal judgement** about your **entire self**, seen through the lens of a negative light? See how that works? Well, I suppose now is as good as time as any to tell you the story of Nick. It wasn’t long ago that I worked with him and at the time, he was around twenty-five. ## Toxic Shame – The Story of Nick When he called me, Nick said he wanted to talk address some issues [related to self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/8-self-esteem-tips-men/). In our initial phone conversation, he mentioned that he was having problems with dating and making new friends. In our work together, I learned that as a child, Nick had been overweight. In school, he was bullied by his schoolmates and called some extremely hurtful names. Nick also shared that the bullying didn’t just happen at school. His parents also made comments; words that would have a profound effect on his development. Examples include his father referring to him as “fat ass” and saying he was a “loser” for not being more fit. His mother, on the other hand, wasn’t as negative – but her comments were caustic all the same. She would say things like: “If you just try a little harder, you could be like the other boys and not be overweight.” Now here’s the thing. Nick had an undiagnosed medical condition during his formative years that directly contributed to his weight issues. In his case, he had an underactive thyroid that had the effect of slowing down his metabolism. It wouldn’t be until later in life that this condition was detected – and treated. So, throughout most of his grade school years, Nick was challenged by this issue. Thankfully, in high school, he started getting treatment, which had dramatic results. In fact, it was during high school that Nick started to come into his own. He began playing sports, including football and baseball. He also joined the gym and began working out obsessively. Now, I’m telling you all of this because by the time he had come to my office – again, he was 25 – Nick was extremely built and undeniably handsome. ## Shame and Parental Introjects But here’s the thing – those messages he got from early childhood about his body were still playing in his head. In psychology, there is a term for this called [parental introjects](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/introjection). That’s a fancy way of saying that comments made by a parent during the formative years get embedded into the psyche. In Nick’s case, on the conscious and even subconscious level, he had been traumatized. By this I mean he had been emotionally scarred by the comments his parents had made, causing him to replay those introjects in his mind. The end result was **deep shame**. It didn’t matter that in the here and now that Nick was as fit as a fiddle. It also didn’t matter that people thought he was attractive. Nope – that’s because anytime Nick met someone new, be it a dating prospect or the chance to make new friends, he had psychologically regressed back to the time where the trauma was inflicted. This meant as an adult, he blushed when going out on dates and struggled to make eye contact with folks he really wanted to be friends with. And so, in our work together, much of our time was spent processing his feelings and deconstructing those early parental messages that were playing in his head. ## Working Through Shame Part of this involved validating his feelings and while also employing the tenets of cognitive behavioral therapy to disrupt the toxic thinking. It also involved aspects of mindfulness, along with affirmations, to help distance him from his thoughts so that he could observe them … as opposed to being controlled by them. Speaking of affirmations, I still have the one I gave to Nick. Three times a day, I asked him to say the following in his mind’s eye: *I fully embrace and love myself* *I fully embrace and love myself* *I fully embrace and love myself* You know, the most powerful thing Nick did – at least in my view – was bringing his shame to light. You see, that’s the thing about shame – once we expose it out into the open, warts and all, it has less power over us. This means being mindful of “should statements”, such as “I should have a better body” and “I should be strong enough to … fill in the blank” are important to be aware of. In CBT – well, a related approach called Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy – we call this “Shoulding on ourselves”. Do you do this? At any rate, I am going to link to an article on [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/where-science-meets-the-steps/201501/5-ways-silence-shame) from Dr. David Sack, who offers five ways of working through shame. These are, to a lesser or greater degree, the approaches I took with Nick. **Here’s a quick rundown of the 5 ways:** 1\. Bring shame to light 2\. Untangle what you are feeling 3\. Unhitch what you do from who you are 4\. Recognize your triggers 5\. Make connections Now at the start of this show, I shared with you something I recently experienced related to shame. Specifically, I’m talking about my new reality, whereby I’m wearing a prosthetic tooth. Yep, that’s right – I’m wearing a “flipper tooth”. You may be wondering why? After all, I’m in my late 40’s so why on earth would I have something like this. ## My Own Toxic Shame It’s pretty simple. Over the summer, I had a cavity that had set in. While I knew it was there, I chose to ignore the damn thing because I felt ashamed of having it in the first place. That may sound silly but it’s true. Some of that shame relates to not doing what was necessary to prevent that cavity. In truth, I could have been better at brushing my teeth before bed. But to keep it real with you, I often didn’t. The other cause of that shame comes from my childhood. You see as a kid, I had bucked teeth with a big gap in the front. Sometimes, kids would call me names – like “gappy”, and then grin at me with a goofy look. It wouldn’t be until later in life that I had some cosmetic work done to attend to “the gap” and correct some other issues. Still, when I got that cavity this past summer, it triggered all those early feelings of shame about my teeth and by extension, about me as a person. The end result was denial; a defense mechanism that numbs us from the truth and can cause inaction. Ultimately, that is what happened to me. By the time I went to the dentist this fall – thanks to extreme pain – the cavity had inflicted permanent damage. I can still remember sitting in the dentist’s chair when she showed me the X-Ray of my tooth – which was extremely decayed and unsavable. In that moment, I felt so much shame about my situation that I couldn’t even look her in the eye. Yep, I had regressed back to my childhood and reliving the trauma from some many years ago. At any rate, I was fitted that same day for a “Flipper” and came back a week later to get that nasty tooth yanked. Today, I wear this device each time I leave the house. Well, that is if I remember. You see there have been times where I’ve forgotten to pop it in. It was just the other day while at the gym when a very nice woman asked if she could work in with me on a piece of equipment. I gave her a big smile and said, “Of course”. Little did I know I had forgotten to put in that flipper tooth on before leaving my house. Haha – I can still see the look on her face as she focused her eyes on my mouth. Let me tell you – there’s nothing more embarrassing than giving off a huge smile and not realizing you’ve forgotten to pop in your denture. Can I tell you a secret? Even now, when I see this lady at the gym, I kind of scurry away. I can’t help but think to myself, “She must think I’m the trashiest thing on the planet.” I’m half kidding when I say this, but I think you get my point. Back to Nick and his situation. My sense is we made a lot of progress in our work together. He was eventually able to start dating again and began increasing his circle of support. In the end however, our time together was cut short because he got transferred to a new city with his company. The good news is that I was able to help him get connected to a new counselor. I’m hoping in the end he continued to heal. So, there you have it folks – shame. It is what it is. As I close out this segment, I’ll leave you with this question: *Do you live with shame? If so, how are you dealing with it?* ## Parental Post-Natal Depression (PPND) *Our listener email comes to us from a young man who is having difficulties being emotionally present to his wife and newborn son.* *I’ll share with you what he wrote and then offer my thoughts and reactions.* *Hi John, I discovered your podcast a couple weeks ago and I wanted to say thanks for producing it. It is very helpful to hear that I am not along in my struggles with self-esteem, among other things. I am a 28-year-old father of a 20-month-old son. Shortly after my son’s birth, my wife started to experience postpartum depression. While she has since recovered, and seems to be fine, I feel that our marriage has never fully healed.* *I am paralyzed with feelings of inadequacy relating to my ability to be a father to my son, which manifest most glaringly in my inability to be Emotionally Present for my wife and child.* *I often feel that I cannot muster up the words to hold a conversation with my child, something that others seem to so effortlessly do. I am seeing a therapist regarding this and other issues.* *I can’t believe that I am the only one who has ever felt like this.* *If you deem my problem to be worthwhile, I would be most grateful to hear a podcast episode with your take on emotional presence for fathers.* *Thanks,* *Michael* — So, there’s Michael’s email. As I reflect on his note, I can’t help but think about the number of guys who have confided something similar to me over the years. Well, here’s my response, pretty much verbatim. *Hi, Michael,* *First, I want to say thanks for listening to the podcast. I’m glad to hear some of the shows have been helpful to you, particularly [Episode 9 on self-esteem](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mens-self-help-podcast-from-guy-counseling/id1465473031).* *You mentioned in your email that you have been working with a therapist right now about the issues you mentioned and others. Right off the bat, let me say good on you for doing this.* *I’ve said this in other podcasts, but it is worth repeating. Some of strongest men I know are the ones who seek out guidance when going through a challenging time.* *Now let’s move on to the meat and potatoes of your note. In reading your email, I am aware that all three of the issues you mentioned are interrelated. The first being the birth of your son. The second being her post-partum depression. The third being your own struggles with emotional presence and availability.* *Right off the bat, I can share that you are absolutely right in thinking that many men go through exactly what you described in having struggles with relating to a newborn, particularly for a first child.* *While I can’t be sure because I am not your counselor, in many ways it sounds like you are struggling with a condition called male post-partum depression – sometimes referred to as Parental Post-Natal Depression (PPND)* *Have you heard of this before? Let me assure you that it’s very real and something that one in four dads struggle with, according to the [Post-Partum Men website](http://postpartummen.com/postpartum-depression/). I am placing a link in this response so that you can check it out.* *One of the main features of PPND is withdrawing socially, feeling inadequate and difficulties with relating to others, particularly children.* *For years, we thought post-partum depression effected women, but we now know, based on clinical research, that this condition impacts women and men alike. I’m putting a link to [Web MD](https://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/news/20080506/men-also-get-postpartum-depression) in this response as well that offers more insight.* *If this is a case of PPND, you are probably wondering what you can do about it? Well, to begin with, working with a therapist as you are now is a biggie. By having a safe place to share, you are able to discharge some of what you are feeling and discover new coping strategies.* *There are other things you can do, too. A helpful one might be joining an online support group. There’s a really big one on Facebook with over 13,000 members called “[New Dad’s Place](https://www.facebook.com/groups/newdadsplace/)”. Here, you can share some of your experiences with being a new father and join with others who may be going through some of the same things you are.* *Finally, Michael, I just want to say that being a dad is a learning process. Over the years, I’ve worked with many guys who are new dads who have shared, almost verbatim, what you have revealed in your note to me.* *The common bond all of them share is a worry about not being a good father. Some of this has to do with self-esteem and some of it has to do with issues related to their own childhood and fears of replicating past harms.* *I encourage you to visit the linked article in this note to the website [Fatherly](https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/postpartum-depression-in-men-signs-and-treatment/) that discussed this topic more. What I am aware of is this … you obviously love and care about your wife and son deeply because your email is a testament to this fact.* *Here’s what I know. Being emotionally present can’t happen unless we are also **emotionally vulnerable**. This means recognizing we aren’t supermen and that being imperfect is part our human experience.* *In closing, I am going to link to a book on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Zz77UG) by Lewis Howes called The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability.* *Michael, I am super glad that you wrote, and I hope this response was helpful to you. Keep us posted on how things are going.* *Well, there you have it – my reply. Does being emotionally present create a challenge in your life? If the answer is yes, what is one small thing you can do differently to create change?* ## Show Wrap Up — We covered a lot in today’s podcast, didn’t we? We talked toxic shame and how it impacts us psychologically and physically. We also talked about being emotionally present. Shoot, we even spent some time talking about my fake tooth. Let me take a moment to say thanks so much for listening today. You know, there are lots of ways to reach me. You can stop by my website at guycounseling.com or visit one of my social medial pages. I’m on Facebook at Guy Counseling – and I’m also on Twitter and Instagram with the same handle. You can also email me. Anything you send me is confidential. If you write something and don’t want it shared on the podcast, just say it goes nowhere – promise. Finally, I’ll just say now that I am deeply grateful for the many reviews people have been leaving on iTunes. Here’s the truth – when I read these reviews, they motivate me in ways I can’t even explain. So, thank you for that. Well, there you have it – another show. As you can probably tell, I don’t have a professional audio-engineer or someone doing the editing. Nope, everything you hear – including the imperfections – were created by me. Thank you so much for being here. Be mindful of those parental introjects. Focus on your specialness and strengths. Remember that being emotionally present means being emotionally vulnerable. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John and this has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts **Tags:** Anxiety, Self-Esteem, Shame --- ### [How To Create Motivation for Goals (E26)](https://guycounseling.com/motivation-goals-as-if-technique/) **Published:** January 5, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![motivation for goals](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/man-exercise-goals.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Episode 26 – Goal Attainment with the As If Technique \[smart\_podcast\_player social=”true” social\_twitter=”true” social\_facebook=”true” social\_gplus=”true” social\_email=”true” style=”dark” featured\_episode=”26″ \] Hello – and welcome to episode 26 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore. I’m a licensed counselor, out of Chicago, Illinois – and I’ve been involved with therapy and coaching work for the better part of 15-years. In addition to these things, I also teach college courses psychology and business. If you are a regular of this show, you probably know that I’m trying to reach three groups of men. The first are guys who are open to topics about wellness and just naturally gravitate towards anything related to self-help. So that’s one. The second group are men who might have experience with therapy. Perhaps you fall into this group and are trying to better understand a diagnosis, like anxiety or depression. And then there is this third group. These are men who are never going to come knocking on the door of someone like me – a therapist – to talk about things going on in their life. Sorry Charlie but it’s just not in their deck of cards. BUT – they might be curious enough to tap on an app and listen to a podcast that in somewhat relates to something going on in their life. Regardless of what brought you here today, I’m very glad you are here. Now here is the thing. I recognize that women also listen to this podcast. There are lots of reasons for this but in many cases, they just want to better understand the male mind or are looking for ways to better support a in their life. If this describes you, I’m thrilled to have you. Now quick disclaimer everyone. I’m not your personal therapist and this podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling. Instead, think of this show as a pathway to learning. ## Creating motivation for goals OK – with all of that said – if I were a betting man, I’d wager that part of the reason you’re here is to gain concrete, actionable steps for use in real life. Does that sound about right? Well, if it does – then we’re going to explore something big today: **Turning goals into reality.** Now I’m not talking in generalities here. If you ask me, there’s **too many people** out there giving generic advice that goes along the lines of: “Just Do It”. When they say this, they act like some kind of light switch is magically flipped in your head that instantly puts you on the path to success. I wish it worked that way and I bet you do to. But as we both know, in the real world, stuff happens. You know what I mean, right? I’m talking about problems with self-esteem or trying to work through a mental health challenge, like depression. Have you ever been there in life – where you know exactly what you want to achieve but the desire to do it just ain’t there? Well, you aren’t alone – I promise. And so, as part of this show, I’m going to introduce you to an approach called the “As If” technique. Incremental in nature, the “As If” technique is designed to help you build up to the change process. Now, right off the bat, I need to say this isn’t a cure all. It’s not that light switch stuff I alluded to earlier. That said, I *have* seen it do wonders for many people. As a pathway to learning, I’ll share with you the story of Luke; a thirty-eight-year-old man who badly wanted to get into shape and lose weight. But because of problems with self-esteem and depression, he felt completely stuck. Maybe you can relate? Here’s what I know about change – well – at least lasting change. It’s never an “instant” thing. Instead, it’s more like the movement of an aircraft carrier. Have you ever seen one of those things make a turn? Well, let me tell you, it doesn’t happen quickly. Instead, the process is slow and deliberate. I’m using this as a visual metaphor so that you can refer to this imagery on your own path to goal attainment. So, there’s that. We’ll also explore a listener’s email this week from a man who wants to move in with his girlfriend before getting hitched – but worries that it might send the wrong message. Are you contemplating marriage right now with someone in your life? Hoping to test out the waters before walking down the aisle? If the answer is yes, you’ll want to listen to this part of the show. Strap yourself in because we’re going to be covering a lot. I’m really glad you’re here. ## Depression and Motivation So, when we are struggling with self-esteem or depression or a little bit of both, it can be difficult to gain momentum on the path to goal attainment. There are lots of reasons for this that go beyond the clinical aspects of depression, like having a down mood and serotonin imbalances. Here, I’m talking about feeling crappy and just being in a negative place. Know what I mean? If you’ve ever been depressed, I bet you can relate. The hard truth is trying to find the energy to do even the smallest things, like washing the dishes or responding to email can be a real chore. But even when we’re in this unpleasant place, it doesn’t mean we aren’t thinking about our goals. Translation: Wanting something and having the motivation to do it are two different things. So, I guess this would be a good time to tell you a story. If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you already know I have OCD. But what you may not know is that part of living with OCD can mean – for some people – going through periods of depression. Often, it’s mild but there are times when it can get intense. I’ll put a link in show notes to the website [Very Well](https://www.verywellmind.com/ocd-and-depression-2510591) that explains how the two connect. That said – I’m giving you this information for background. So, the summer after I graduated from high school, I can remember how badly I wanted to enroll in college that coming fall. I was all wired up for it. But – for that to happen, I needed to write an essay and take a placement exam. And then there was the tuition thing; something my folks didn’t have money for. In short, if I wanted to go to college, it was all on me. Now I wish that I could tell you that through hard work and effort, I put in a herculean effort and made that goal come true. But the reality is that didn’t happen. In short, college that fall never panned out. Some of this was because of financial issues but a bigger chunk of it was all about that OCD-depression mix thing I mentioned earlier. You see for me, because I was feeling crappy, finding the motivation to start writing that entrance essay seemed impossible. Studying for a placement exam seemed even harder. And earning money for the tuition? Forget about it. By the time autumn rolled around, I was in a bad place. Not only had I not gotten my butt into school, I was also mad at myself for not putting in the effort. At the time, all I could feel was a sense of shame. And the thing is when you combine depression with shame, things can get dicey. I’m going to link to [episode 26](https://guycounseling.com/toxic-shame/) for more insight on that topic. But I digress. My point in sharing this with you is that in the context of depression – or poor self-esteem, reaching a desired goal can be brutally difficult. It’s why I am emphasizing that difference between wanting something and having the motivation to do it. For me – back the – the energy just wasn’t there. Man, it just wasn’t. Yes, I wanted to attend school. But because of that depression – I was emotionally tapped. Now eventually, things worked out for me and I was able to enroll in college that next Spring. But it would take the entire winter of me doing the small steps to turn my shit around. Back then, I was very hard on myself and didn’t realize that during times of depression, we can’t expect ourselves to function as we might when we aren’t depressed. In other words, this means being mindful of your mood and recognizing that when you’re in the dumps, you might have to be clever in order to fight back against the sadness. See, that’s the thing about depression. It distorts your thinking and robs you of your motivation. If you get a chance, I encourage you to listen to episode eight on [10 things depression doesn’t want you](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e8-10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know/id1465473031?i=1000440188117) to know. Anywhoo … Let’s fast-forward to the here and now and relate my summer blues story with the case of Luke; a man in his late thirties who I worked with not too long ago. Luke was a charming guy with a good job and a beautiful family. The reason he came to me was because he wasn’t happy with his life, feeling old and out of shape … and completely zapped of energy. In just a few sessions, I could tell he was struggling with mild but chronic depression. In clinical speak, it’s called [dysthymia](https://www.webmd.com/depression/qa/what-is-dysthymia). Have you ever watched Winnie-The-Poo? If so, do you remember the old, grey haired donkey named Eeyore? Well, when you hear that term dysthymia, visualize Eeyore. Think gloomy and pessimistic – the type of person who says things like, “I’d like to be healthier, but I need to get motivated first”. In many ways, this was Luke. He knew he wanted to lose weight and get into better shape, but he just wasn’t feeling it. Moreover, he believed he needed to find his motivation first before change could take place. **But here is the thing about motivation. It’s not some blanket you stumble upon sitting in the closet or a lost pair of keys you find – tucked in between the seat cushions.** For real – it’s not. Instead, motivation is entirely mental and can be created at any time you want. Now let me just say I am not discounting the very real fatigue that happens with depression because I’m not. That monster is real – no doubt about it. But if we leave our thinking with depression to go wild, it can morph into learned helplessness – which is a fancy way of saying you can’t do anything about your predicament and that it is always going to be that way. ## The “As If” Technique If you don’t want that, here is an approach that I used with Luke that he found extremely helpful. It’s called the “As If” technique, also known as the “What If” technique. In a nutshell, the “As If” technique shifts your thinking from thinking to doing – in real time. Here’s how I guided Luke to a place of change. Now remember his goal was to lose weight and get into better shape. The first thing I asked him to do was to pick one person who thought could serve as a blue print for the body he wanted. Long story short, he identified was [Hollywood actor, Ryan Phillippe](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-facts/). Once he revealed this information to me, I then asked him to do to some research and create a list of things he thought this actor was doing to keep himself in shape. Once he did this, I asked him to rank his list from simplest to hardest. Some of the examples he provided included getting up earlier to go for a morning run and choosing to drink water instead of sugary sodas. There were other things too, like hitting the treadmill several times a week, doing pushups and involvement with weight training. I think you get my point. Once his list was done, I then asked Luke to rank the activities from simplest to hardest. Now here is the part that Luke struggled with and said I was off my rocker when I asked him to do it. Are you ready? I told him to act as if he already had the body Ryan Phillippe. Yep, I really did. He balked at first but encouraged him to trust in the process and simply go with it. Once he agreed, I asked him to start with the simplest thing on his list – which for Luke was swapping out the pop for H20. And that’s exactly what he did. That very day, he imagined himself as Ryan Phillippe and started drinking water. In his mind, he thought to himself, “I’m Ryan Phillippe and to look that way I do, I drink a lot of water”. See how that worked? Ok – moving on… the next day, Luke sent me an email and told me he had been pop-free for 24-hours. Right then and there, I told him it was important that he congratulate himself and follow it up with an affirmation. His affirmation went like this: *I am proud of myself for choosing to drink water and living a healthier life.* Now that we had some momentum going, I asked Luke to pick the next thing on his list, which in his case was going for a morning run. That next week when we met, he told me that on three of the past seven mornings, he had been out for a 10-minute jog. Like Johnny on the spot, I had him congratulate himself and create an affirmation. And that’s how this went folks, we worked our way down his list, little by little, until he ultimately got to a place where most all of the things he had written down became realities. Now look, I’m not going to sit here and bullshit you and say everything happened perfectly. There were certainly bumps and snags. But the idea was Luke had ditched the idea of “finding” his motivation and began creating it. All of this happened with the decision to do just one small thing on the path to change. For him, that one small thing was trading sodas for waters. And the seed for change happened the moment he gave himself permission to imagine being Ryan Phillippe. Follow me? ## As If Technique Steps So, let me give you a brief recap of each step of the “As If” technique steps: 1\. Write down the approach others take 2\. Rank the order of the steps from the simplest to do to the hardest. 3\. Begin to act as if you are motivated to (fill in the blank) by doing the simplest from your list. (Example: You act “as if” exercise is already part of your daily life) 4\. Congratulate yourself for taking the first step – and use affirmations that reinforce the desired behavior. 5\. Pick your next item from your list and do that next – and keep working your way up the list. Now, you may be wondering what happened? Well, to keep it short, Luke absolutely transformed his body – and he did it over a relatively short period of time – something like six months. No, he didn’t magically become Ryan Phillippe. To keep it real, the actor was really nothing more than an imaginal object that served as the spark for change. Now, you may be wondering if Luke ever reached his goal? In truth, the actor was nothing more than an imaginal object. But at the end of the day, he had lost the weight he wanted to and transformed his physique into something he liked. But the point is Luke absolutely moved from a place of *inaction* to action. And you know what else? The work he accomplished did wonders for his depression. You know, back in the day, during that summer after high school I had told you about earlier, I wish I had known about this technique. I really do. But wishing and hoping can’t change the past. All we can do is embrace the present. Well, there you have it folks – the “As If” technique. Think about the goals you want to achieve in the future. What do you have to lose? ## Move In Before Marriage Our listener email comes to us from a man who wants to move in with his girlfriend before getting married but worries it might send the wrong message. I’ll share with you what he wrote and then offer my thoughts and reactions. *Hi John,* *I recently discovered your podcast after a friend told me about it and I can’t thank you enough for making these. I’m one of those guys who would probably never go to a therapist, although your show is starting to change my thinking about what counseling is like.* *So, my problem is that I’m in a relationship with a girl that I’ve been dating for the past two-years. We’ve both talked about getting married and I’ve thought about making a formal proposal.* *But there is part of me that hesitates to do this because I want to see what it is like to live with her before taking such a big step.* *I’m worried about things moving too fast and the marriage not working out. My folks got divorced when I was a teenager and I just don’t want that kind of thing repeating itself in my marriage. By moving in together, I am thinking we will both have the chance to truly experience what it is like living with the other person.* *But if I ask for this, I’m also worried that it could send wrong message about my commitment to the relationship. Do you have any thoughts on this?* *Thanks so much,* *Lenny* — So, there’s Lenny’s email. As I reflect on his email, I can’t help but think about how often this particular topic comes up in the counseling office. And not just from the guys. Women also have shared this with me. Well, here’s what I wrote back to Lenny, somewhat paraphrased. *Hi, Lenny,* *Thanks for reaching out and for sharing your question. First, let me just say that I am deeply appreciative that you follow the podcast and that you are getting something out of it. I love reading these kinds of things.* *Ok with that said, let’s talk about your issue because it is one that I bet a lot of listeners can relate to.* *Are you ready?* *There’s nothing wrong with wanting to test out the waters before proposing to someone you love. To me, it makes sense that you or anyone would want to experience living with a person before deciding to make things legal – meaning to get married.* *I hear what you are saying about being worried that you might send the wrong message. The last thing you want to do is send a mixed message about your commitment to the relationship.* *There are options here. For example, you could ask her to move in with you or vice-versa and then – after a period of time – propose. Or, you could propose first and then have a conversation where the two of you agree to live together a set period of time before doing any wedding planning.* *The big thing here is to have an honest, open conversation where the both of you are on the same page about what comes next.* *I don’t know your girlfriend, so it is hard to know where she is with things. But given your note, my sense is both of you are at a place where taking an important “next step” – so to speak, is in the cards.* *One of the benefits of moving in together is that you get to experience the other person as they are instead of how we might fantasize they might be. Sure, overnighting with one another on weekends gives you a flavor of what to expect but in truth, we really don’t know what it is like to live with another person until it actually happens.* *Regardless of which approach you decide to take – proposal and moving in together or cohabitating first and then proposing, I highly encourage you to consider picking up a copy of: [Getting Ready For Marriage Workbook](https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Ready-Marriage-Workbook-Burns/dp/0781412188/ref=pd_sbs_14_2/139-7781710-8051921?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0781412188&pd_rd_r=280542ed-a364-4f86-b065-715f45b1d010&pd_rd_w=Bk2So&pd_rd_wg=ZUD2Y&pf_rd_p=7c0dad87-8a25-4c4f-9349-026039ea6cb3&pf_rd_r=RG47Y9EDCASB9C77JDRQ&psc=1&refRID=RG47Y9EDCASB9C77JDRQ) by Burns and Fields. I’ve put a link in this response to Amazon so you can check it out.* *What’s nice about this read is that it helps the both of you get things off on the right foot and explore topics that don’t always get the attention they deserve, pre-marriage.* *Thanks again for your email Lenny. Let us know how things work out.* Well, there you have it – my response. Are you thinking of getting married? If so, do you have a plan for setting yourself up for success before tying the knot? ## Show Wrap Up — No doubt about it – we covered a lot in today’s podcast.  We talked about goal attainment through the lens of depression. We also explored the “As If” technique on the path to change. Shoot, we even talked about cohabitation before getting hitched. Well, let me take a moment to say thanks so much for listening today. You know, there are lots of ways to reach me. You can stop by my website at guycounseling.com or visit one of my social medial pages. I’m on Facebook at Guy Counseling – and I’m also on Twitter and Instagram with the same handle. You can also email me <john@guycounseling.com> Anything you send me is confidential. If you want me to read it on the show, I will and if you want it to be confidential, I promise you it will go nowhere – for real. With all of that said, let me just take a moment to say thanks for the many kind reviews people have been leaving on iTunes and elsewhere. You know, where I read these comments, it just lights a fire under me to create more shows. It really does! So thank you for that. Well, there you have it – another show. As you can probably tell, there’s no audio engineer here editing my show. No product crew or anything like that. Nope, everything you hear – including the glitches – have been created by me. Thank you so much for being here. Be mindful of your mood. Remember there is a difference between wanting something and having the motivation to do it. Be open to reaching your goals by acting “as if”. Take very good care. I’m Dr. John and you’ve been listening to another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. — **Related:** [7 big goal setting mistakes](https://guycounseling.com/goal-setting-mistakes/) **Categories:** Podcasts **Tags:** As If Technique, goals, motivation --- ### [How to Learn from Your Shadow](https://guycounseling.com/learn-shadow/) **Published:** February 6, 2020 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![mirror shadow](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/mirror-shadow.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## The shadow self You have a shadow side, but it’s not as scary as you might think. Your [shadow](https://highexistence.com/carl-jung-shadow-guide-unconscious/) reflects areas of you needing emotional healing. You experience your shadow as internal criticism, uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, and day and night dreams. Often, people ignore the lessons from their shadow because they don’t recognize its wisdom. Listen to the teachings rising from your subconscious, though, and you’ll embark on a journey to your higher self. ## **How your shadow speaks** Initially, your shadow whispers. Like an unanswered knock at the door, its call becomes louder when you don’t take heed. At its most deafening, it appears at a time referred to as the dark night of the soul. You’ll know if you experience your darkness because your world will fall apart, and you’ll be forced to start anew. If your shadow has to take extreme measures to get you to change, it will. Catch your shadow when it speaks quietly, and you can avoid turmoil. You can hear it murmuring you need to heal old wounds as a voice in your head or surprising feelings. When you are angry or sad for no clear reason, your shadow wants your attention. His or her intervention shows you’re following unhelpful patterns of behavior. Such conduct stems from unresolved childhood issues or your higher self-clashing with your ego. ## **Your shadow uses negativity to make you change** People sometimes fear their shadow because they associate it with negativity. The dark night of the soul hurts. Even whispers arise as criticism, judgment, fear, and discomfort. Your shadow is behind your inner voice when it says you aren’t good enough or will never be loved. It’s pulling your heartstrings when you feel betrayed or jealous. It’s also in charge of your nightmares. It’s no wonder you might want to stop your shadow speaking. However, [negativity is always a signal for change](https://guycounseling.com/change-negative-thinking/) and stems from the good intentions of the shadow. Your shadow is connected to your higher self and wants the best for you. It doesn’t make up negative things to say; it reveals what lies below your emotions in your subconscious. If you feel unworthy, your internal voice might criticize your efforts to progress. Likewise, if you’re insecure about relationships, your shadow might suggest your partner’s having an affair. ## **How to increase self-knowledge**  When negative thoughts, feelings, or dreams arise, explore them. Instead of rejecting them, acknowledge they exist. Meditate on them awhile, noticing where you feel them in your body or see and hear them in your head. Paying them attention will stop your shadow increasing its attempts to catch your attention. Next, ask your shadow why your negative outpourings occur. Do you need to heal long-standing emotional grievances? Do you have unfinished business and need closure? Is it time to change your job and begin a new career? Consider what prompts your shadow to speak. Follow your insights with action. Otherwise, you’ll continue engaging in unhelpful patterns, and your shadow will have cause to grow. For instance, if your shadow suggests you fear rejection, and you’re busting a gut to gain someone’s approval, step back. Stop trying to please. Work on your self-esteem and seek the origins of your fear. Heal emotional injuries with understanding and forgiveness and your shadow will quieten down. Your shadow is your greatest friend, but only if you listen to its wisdom. When negative thoughts or feelings happen, welcome them. Recognize them as messengers. They represent parts of you where development has stopped because you’re stuck in a rut. Heed your shadow’s call, and you’ll grow into your higher self. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Jung, negative thinking, Shadow --- ### [10 Coping Strategies To Reduce Anxiety During LockDown](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-lockdown-covid-19/) **Published:** March 22, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![reduce anxiety lockdown](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/anxiety-fear-smart.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Lockdown activities to reduce anxiety If your community is in lockdown during the [COVID-19 pandemic](https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/events-as-they-happen), you may be wondering how to occupy yourself through the days and weeks ahead. Being stuck at home can be a challenging experience, if you have nothing to do. Boredom, restlessness and frustration can quickly set in, unless you have plenty of enjoyable pastimes to help you through. Here are ten great activities to keep you busy and cheerful inside your four walls. Pick your favorites from the list and see how far you can take them before the time comes to step outside again. ## **1. Meditation** One of the best things you can do for mental health is to incorporate meditation into your daily ritual. Not only will this help you remain calm, it may help to boost your immune system. We know from clinical research that regular meditation helps to lower cortisol levels, a hormone that when overly active can lower immunity. If you a newbie to meditation, consider downloading an app such as Calm, Headspace or Simple Habit. You can also do a quick search on YouTube to find something that resonates with you. Self-hypnosis can also be extremely helpful. Consider listening to this [short autogenic training recording](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-podcast-autogenic-training/) that is designed to reduce anxiety and stress. ## **2. Catch up with friends** Pick up the phone and get chatting with friends in lockdown like you. Find out how they’re coping in the circumstances and catch up with each other’s news generally. For once in your life you have ample time to socialize, so why not look up old acquaintances from the past, too, and rekindle faded friendships? Check on your relatives as well, especially elderly ones and those living alone; they’d be especially glad to hear from you. ## **3. Play games** Dig out all your old board games or card packs and get playing. If you’re on your own, you can pick games for one, like “Solitaire” or “Patience”, or play against an imaginary opponent, taking both parts by turn. Better still, join an online club to play the game of your choice with real, live opponents. You can also play against an automated opponent, if you prefer. Writing games such as “Consequences”, and word challenges like making short words out of a longer one, are also fun and absorbing to do. If you want more physical activity, set an obstacle course around your furniture or, if possible, outside, and kick a softball along the route, then spice up the game by racing against the clock. If you have any gym accessories, such as a bar, hoop or skipping rope, they’ll provide recreation, too. ## **4. Cook** Fix yourself some tasty meals and treats during your time at home. Your normal lifestyle may not allow for much cooking, but now you have all the time you need for mixing and baking. If you have any old packets or cans of food at the back of your cupboards, see if you can use them up in a stir-fry, casserole or cake mixture. Serve some wholesome meals with freshly prepared vegetables or salad, and bake some sweet treats to enjoy with your coffee. You could be a top-notch chef by the time the lockdown is over. ## **5. Do home improvements** Everyone likes their home to be smart and comfortable but finding the time to work on it can be difficult, in normal circumstances. But now, at last, you can focus on improving your home without interruption. While you may not be able to carry out major works at the moment, you can at least rearrange the furniture, swap your pictures around and tidy up your drawers and closets. If you have access to paint, wallpaper or varnish, you can also do some decorating. It can be fun and therapeutic to spruce up a room, especially with no commitments in the way. ## **6. Learn a language** Have you ever wanted to learn a new language? If so, now is the ideal time to start. Alternatively, you could polish up a language you already have some grounding in. When you’ve chosen your language, go online and scroll through the lists of organizations and individuals offering relevant tutoring. Before contacting any tutor, check out their profile, reviews and prices to ensure a suitable choice. If you feel like having a break from the computer, you can learn your chosen language from books, newspapers and radio or TV shows. ## **7. Read** If you’re an avid reader, you can open a book – real or virtual – and escape to the world of fiction. For a more factual read, there’s a wealth of non-fiction publications to explore, from “How to” guides and subject-specializing books to biographies and true stories. Many people find poetry helpful in challenging situations, with its soothing rhythm and flow, and for something lighter, search for jokes, cartoons and humorous novels. You’ll find plenty to choose from on the Internet, and perhaps on your shelves as well. If you would rather listen to something, now might be a good time to start a subscription to Audio Books from Amazon. ## **8. Be creative** Many people dream of having time to write a book, so if you’re one of them, now is the time to get cracking. But you may have more of a leaning towards fine art, music or another creative genre. Whatever your particular creative streak, make the most of it. You might decide to write a symphony, plan a dance routine or piece together a collage, for instance**.**  If you’re a keen gardener, and have access to some outdoor space or indoor plants, why not cultivate a riot of color for your home?  You might also like to make a video of your time in isolation, to share online afterwards. ## **9. Get fit** Push your furniture back and use your space as a gym. Then you can exercise every day, keeping strong, fit and supple through the lockdown period. You’ll need a mat or some cushions for floor exercises, and ideally some props, such as a ball, beanbag or set of weights, for added scope and enjoyment. If you have a blood pressure monitor, take readings before and after each session, so you can track your increasing fitness through the days and weeks. ## **10. Earn money online** Your physical movements may be severely restricted, but you’re free as the air online. You can do pretty well anything, within reason, including making money. If you’re interested in enhancing your income, browse the listings for recommended earning routes, then look into your preferred options more closely for an informed choice. If you have a website, you may be able to make money directly from that. Perhaps offer a product or service or monetize your site to earn through clicks. Many people succeed in earning pocket-money or much more online. With this exciting array of activities to enjoy, your time at home will sail by before you know it. These ideas are sure to inspire more, too, but don’t forget to step out again when the restrictions are over. **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, COVID-19, stress --- ### [5 Ways to Deal with Conflict at Home](https://guycounseling.com/avoid-conflict-home-tips/) **Published:** May 10, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![unhappy couple bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/ignored-by-partner-unhappy-couple-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How to minimize conflicts at home Conflicts will inevitably arise when personalities and moods clash at home. Unless you’ve been to prison recently or have a degree in psychology, you might not know how to deal with living in such close proximity with the same person day in and day out. Don’t throw in the towel just yet. Try to remember that these are your friends and family members. Conflicts will happen, but here are a few ways to minimize the fallout and avoid reaching your social confinement limit. **Pick Your Battles** Some people get caught up trying to win battles at home instead of solving problems. You should always remember that solving the problem is way more important than being right. You can be right and still be a major ass. So, it’s best to pick your battles wisely. I’m not talking about fighting battles that you can win all the time. I’m talking about letting some things slide. Some arguments just aren’t worth the headache. Try to ask yourself – “Is bringing this issue up going to make a difference? Is there another way to handle it?” https://www.instagram.com/p/B\_iT3q-pIXU/ Here’s an example from my own life experiences. My partner is terrible about recycling. She will fill up the recycling bin with every kind of material you can think of – wood, plastic, food, you name it. Then, I have to sort through the trash every week before I take it to the curb. I tried for weeks to show her how to sort the recycling correctly and it always turned into a battle. Then, one day, I just decided that it wasn’t worth it. I printed out a recycling flyer, posted it on the refrigerator, and continued to sort the damn trash every week. In the end, she got better at it. She learned more from the refrigerator flyer than all the weeks of me yelling at her. So, in your home, try to pause for a moment and ask yourself is this a battle that’s worth fighting. **Related:** [How to cope with anxiety during lockdowns ](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-lockdown-covid-19/) ## **Find the Funny** Have you ever noticed that it’s hard to stay angry when you’re laughing? Nothing diffuses a bomb quite like laughter. Humor can take the sting out of some very painful moments and pave over difficult decisions at home. The great thing about laughter is that it releases feel good chemicals called endorphins in the brain. When you laugh, your body gives you a small shot of happy. When you laugh with others in your household, that feeling is transmitted to them, as well. A [scientific study](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-humor-gap-2012-10-23/) from 2006 found that women laugh 126% more than men. Women also preferred a mate that could make them laugh. Men preferred a female counterpart that laughed at all their jokes. In this sense, humor works as relationship glue, cementing the bonds that sexual chemistry established. You can try to find the funny in your current argument. By doing so, you and your partner might be able to laugh about it together. When you take away the seriousness of the situation, even for a moment, you gain the opportunity to overcome it through humor. I remember when my partner started yelling at me about doing the dishes a few days ago. She was so fired up that her nostrils were flaring. I just started flapping my arms like wings and then I stood on top of the table and crouched down like a dragon and started breathing virtual fire across the kitchen. At first, she just put her hand on her hip and stared at me. Then, that hard look cracked and she smiled when she asked what the hell I was doing. I told her that she was the “Mother of Dragons” and she burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. We didn’t talk about the dishes after that, but I remembered the point that she was trying to make. We didn’t have a big fight, and I tried to help more in the kitchen after that. Now, whenever she gets angry, I just start flapping my wings. It’s kind of like our own private joke now. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/B_lNnusH0Mz/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **Now and Later** There are lots of conflicting opinions about confrontations and avoidance. Some experts suggest that you should never sweep things under the rug. You should solve it right away so that it doesn’t fester. Others recommend avoiding arguments that might lead to flared tempers. Professional conflict mediators recommend taking some space from an argument to allow for everyone’s heads to cool. This is great advice because you don’t always say and do the right things in the heat of the moment. There aren’t any set rules for resolving conflicts at home. However, you can take heed to what you do and say now versus what you do and say later. Some things should be handled right away; others require patience. In the here and now, you should reframe the argument as “you and your loved one against the problem”. Avoid creating a situation where it is “you vs. your loved one”, in other words “my way or the highway”. Later, you should revisit the emotions and feelings that arose during the onset of the conflict. Sit down with your loved one and share how it made you feel. Perhaps you both were feeling the same thing. Sometimes, the details can lead us away from our intentions in a conflict. So, focusing on emotions after the fire has gone down a bit will help you to reach a real solution. ## **Avoid “Always” and “Never”** It’s called overgeneralizing and it’s one of the biggest ways to fan the flames of an argument. When you think about it, the words “always” and “never” are rarely accurate. Does your partner “always” forget to put away their laundry? Are they really “never” on time? Overgeneralization is a cognitive distortion. It’s an incorrect conclusion that works like poison in your mind. If you keep saying that a person will never change, then you begin to lose faith in them. If you say this to your loved one, then they might start to believe it also. The thing is – when you use the words “always” and “never” you’re experiencing immensely powerful emotions. These are statements of absolution. You wouldn’t use them if they didn’t make you feel extremely sad or angry. When you find yourself leaning toward overgeneralized statements about your loved ones or your relationship, it helps to engage in some logical, objective questioning. Ask yourself – “What evidence do I have that my loved one will never change?” “Would someone else reach the same conclusions about them, or is it just me?” “Have I tried everything I can to help them?” “Have I contributed to the problem instead of working to solve it?” By taking a step back and asking yourself questions like these, you begin to steer away from the words “always” and “never”. You take away their power to limit your relationship and you open the door to different outcomes. ## **Don’t Get Too Defensive** Sometimes, people get into a pattern of saying “you…you….you” when arguing with others. “It’s all your fault I’m not getting enough sleep.” “If you would just listen to me for a change.” “Why can’t you understand?” Pointing the finger at someone else won’t solve anything. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of these types of statements, then you know that you don’t understand much beyond the word “you”. The whole statement feels like “YOU!!! Blah blah blah YOU!” Now, what were you fighting about again? Instead of getting so defensive and pointing the finger at someone else, try to say “I” more. Here’s an example – “When the alarm kept going off in the morning, I felt so angry.” “I thought you were doing this on purpose to get back at me for something I did earlier.” “I wish that we could agree to sleep in together a couple of days a week.” Can you see how this changes the whole argument? It turns the argument into a discussion. **Related:** [8 Ways to Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship](https://mensvariety.com/rebuild-trust-relationship/) ## **The Takeaway** Living in close quarters with the same people every day might be wearing a bit thin. Minor disagreements get blown out of proportion so easily. Tempers start to fray and sometimes there isn’t much room to walk away from the situation. That’s why it’s important to think about how we frame our interactions with each other. Here are a few things to remember: Some issues aren’t worth the trouble. Don’t rush to solve every problem. Sometimes, you should give it some space to settle on its own. You can deflect lots of conflicts with some well-placed humor. Figure out what you should handle now and what you can handle later. Something as simple as rephrasing how we express our thoughts and feelings can have a big effect. When in doubt, go back to what works in your relationship. Join with your loved ones to solve problems and avoid making them your enemy. I sure hope these tips can help you avoid and resolve conflicts at home. Conflicts can have a positive effect on your relationship, helping you and your loved ones grow into a deeper understanding of one another. So, work through them gently…together. **Categories:** Field Notes, Relationships **Tags:** Anxiety, Conflict, Couples Issues --- ### [7 Ways Magnesium Can Benefit Men](https://guycounseling.com/7-ways-magnesium-can-benefit-men/) **Published:** May 16, 2020 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![man exercising](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-exercising-678x381.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Magnesium and men: A Closer Look Magnesium is the twelfth element in the periodic table and the ninth most abundant element in the universe. It is a fundamental trace element in the human body as it serves several biological roles. Over two hundred enzymes in [the human body need magnesium](https://academic.oup.com/jn/article/133/9/2879/4688241) ions to carry out their catalytic action. Furthermore, magnesium ions are fundamental for the synthesis of energy in the form of adenosine triphosphate (ATP). The richest dietary sources of magnesium are green leafy vegetables, nuts and cocoa powder. Magnesium ions from magnesium oil and sea water can also be absorbed through the skin. In the United Kingdom, the recommended daily intake of magnesium is 300 milligrams in men and 270 milligrams in women. Though rare, magnesium deficiency has been reported. Because magnesium is so crucial for normal bodily functions, its deficiency can be debilitating. In fact, scientists have linked several diseases to magnesium deficiency. Pharmaceutical forms of magnesium are now available as treatment for some of the most debilitating medical conditions. Increased magnesium intake has been found useful in alleviating the following conditions: ## 1. Depression In as early as 1996, scientists noted a correlation between magnesium deficiency and depression. Neuroscientists Dr. Richard Cox and Dr. Norman Shealy, after carrying out magnesium tolerance testing in their patients, found that all the patients who were chronically depressed also had low magnesium levels. In addition, a study published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry in 2009 found a strong correlation between chronic depression and magnesium deficiency. Finally, a study conducted by the Hordaland Health Study in Norway involving 5700 adults found that patients who reported low dietary intake of magnesium were more likely to have higher scores in the Hospital Anxiety and Depression Scale. Therefore, magnesium salts are slowly becoming part of the standard therapy for depression. If you have a tendency to [suffer from depression](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-depression-study/), increasing your magnesium intake could provide some form of relief. One of the reasons I take a supplement with magnesium – like Opti-Men -is because I know I don’t get enough of this substance in my body. [See Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/3dSO3GQ). It does seem to help my mood. ## 2. **Asthma** Magnesium relaxes smooth muscles and has shown promise in the treatment of asthma. According to literature documented in the Annals of Emergency Medicine, intravenous magnesium is an effective treatment for acute asthma attacks in the emergency room. The study postulated that magnesium relaxes bronchial smooth muscles by blocking the release of calcium ions. Calcium ions are responsible for the contraction of muscles in the body. Hence, asthmatic patients are encouraged to take their magnesium intake seriously. ## 3. **Pre-eclampsia** Pre-eclampsia is a form of pregnancy-induced hypertension. The condition can be lethal and is the leading cause of emergency cesarean sections worldwide. A study known as the International Magpie Trial involving 10,000 women was carried out in 2002 and showed that magnesium was effective in preventing pre-eclampsia. The postulated reasons for the reduction of pregnancy-induced hypertension by up to 58% included: magnesium’s ability to antagonize the release of calcium ions, and magnesium’s ability to induce the release of prostaglandins, which are hormone-like substances that mediate blood pressure. Pre-eclampsia is a common pregnancy complication worldwide. This is why pregnant women are encouraged to increase their dietary intake of magnesium along with other vital nutrients. Additionally, pregnant women are encouraged to have their blood pressure monitored during the entire course of their pregnancy. ## 4. **Migraines** A migraine is a severe and recurrent headache felt as a throbbing pain on the front or side of the head. An expert review published by Dr. Alexander Mauskop, a fellow in the American Academy of Neurology, explained the role of magnesium in the prevention and treatment of migraines based on clinical trials and his personal experience treating migraine patients. According to the review, both oral and intravenous magnesium are effective and well-tolerated treatment forms for acute migraine attacks. In addition, a double-blind placebo study showed that women who took magnesium supplements each morning experienced significant reduction in the number of migraine attacks. Hence, if you suffer from migraines, significantly increasing your magnesium intake will reduce these attacks by up to 41%. ![heart conditions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/heart-biofeedback.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 5. **Heart conditions** According to a study published by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute, a diet high in potassium and magnesium was shown to decrease the risk of high blood pressure. A study carried out by the Harvard School of Public Health also correlated high magnesium intake to a reduced risk of hypertension. This diet is now endorsed by the American Heart Association as a legitimate way of preventing and controlling hypertension. Furthermore, a study published in the British Medical Journal showed that intravenous magnesium administered following an acute heart attack reduced the risk of death. Therefore, magnesium is increasingly becoming noteworthy in the fight against heart conditions that ail a majority of the world’s population. ## **6. Osteoporosis** A review published by the American Journal of Nutrition linked magnesium deficiency to poor bone health. Studies have also demonstrated that low magnesium intake can lead to a decrease in bone strength and bone volume. Consequently, a diet rich in magnesium, as shown by statistical analysis, can have a positive impact on bone health by preventing osteoporosis. ## **7.  Diabetes** There is evidence that magnesium supplements can improve glucose handling in patients diagnosed with diabetes mellitus. According to a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, daily intake of magnesium supplements can improve glucose transport and the oxidative metabolism of glucose in the body. Despite the promising results so far, the impact of magnesium supplementation in diabetic patients in still under active study. No conclusive consensus has been reached. ## **Wrap Up** Magnesium is necessary for optimal health. Research has shown that adequate magnesium intake has a significant impact in treating and preventing serious medical conditions, while inadequate magnesium intake puts the human body at risk of suffering from debilitating medical conditions. Therefore, magnesium is undeniably an elixir for good health. No further proof is necessary to prompt any individual who cares about his or her health to replenish their body’s magnesium stores by increasing their dietary intake. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** health, Magnesium, Supplements --- ### [3 Warning Signs Of Diabetes In Men](https://guycounseling.com/diabetes-men-warning-signs/) **Published:** May 27, 2020 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![man reflecting self-worth](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Type II Diabetes and Men: A Closer Look While [diabetes is a common and serious medical condition](https://www.goodrx.com/diabetes) that does not discriminate—seeing as it impacts more than 34 million U.S. adults—it still carries varying statistics for different demographics. Men are known to develop diabetes more often than their female counterparts. If we’re talking specifics, 14% of adult men develop diabetes compared to 12% of women. Given that men are less likely to have open discussions regarding their health, that number is even assumed to be higher than currently recorded. Diabetes typically manifests in two primary forms: type 1 diabetes, where the pancreas doesn’t produce enough insulin, and type 2 where the body becomes insulin resistant—which accounts for 90% of all cases. Historically, men are more likely to have type 2 diabetes. The kicker, however, is that type 2 diabetes tends to fly under the radar because its symptoms are generally less pronounced than those of type 1 diabetes. Another main reason diabetes can remain undetected for so long is that many initial signs indicative of the disease don’t present themselves as out of the ordinary behaviors. Take increased thirst and frequent urination, for example. While some might consider these symptoms run-of-the-mill occurrences, for men, these changes can serve as early warning signs of diabetes. To prevent the development of the disease, it’s important for men to take a moment to familiarize themselves with the early signs and symptoms of type 2 diabetes below: ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3ov9kaW3wyiefU3GGA/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## 1. Your Skin May Show Symptoms When it comes to type 2 diabetes, skin complications tend to be one of the first visible symptoms of the disease. As a matter of fact, [the American Diabetes Association estimates](https://www.diabetes.org/resources/statistics/statistics-about-diabetes) that one-third of individuals with type 2 diabetes will experience [diabetic skin conditions](https://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/about-diabetes/general-diabetes-information/diabetes-and-your-skin/). Some of the most common dermatological issues that arise in men with type 2 diabetes are dry, itchy skin, inflammation, and slow wound healing, mainly due to poor blood flow or circulation. Because of this, men with diabetes are also more susceptible to bacterial and fungal infections. Other lesser-known skin conditions like bullosis diabeticorum (or diabetic bullae), which are characterized by large blisters on the skin, can manifest in men with type 2 diabetes and may be signs of more serious health problems associated with diabetes, like neuropathy. Not only do these particular blisters tend to occur in men with long-standing diabetes, but men also have twice the risk as females for developing them. Although certain dermatological symptoms associated with diabetes are mild and therefore appear relatively harmless, it’s still essential to monitor and recognize changes to your skin early on to prevent further damage from occurring. ## 2. Possible Bladder Problems It’s not unusual for men to experience bladder problems, such as frequent urination, as an initial symptom of type 2 diabetes. With type 2, the body doesn’t use or respond to insulin properly, causing excess sugar to build up in the bloodstream and keeping blood sugar levels high. When this happens, the kidneys work overtime to filter out the extra sugar by excreting it through urine. Doing so pulls fluids from our tissues, which leads to dehydration and increased thirst, and as we up our fluid intake to satisfy our thirst, the need to urinate continues, and the cycle repeats. In addition to frequent urination, men with type 2 diabetes may also encounter urinary incontinence or loss of bladder control. Long-term high blood sugar levels can cause [nerve damage referred to as diabetic neuropathy](https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/diabetes/overview/preventing-problems/nerve-damage-diabetic-neuropathies) (as mentioned previously). With certain types of neuropathy, damage can occur to other parts of the body, such as the nerves that control internal organs, including the bladder. When there is nerve damage in the bladder, it can be difficult for men to differentiate when their bladder is empty, and when they need to urinate. As a result, men may be unable to either hold urine (causing leaking urine) or may hold urine for too long, leading to bladder infections. In either case, it’s imperative to note any time you experience fluctuations in urination as doctors will treat bladder problems accordingly by focusing on symptoms. While it may seem like an uncomfortable subject to talk about at first, you’ll soon realize it’s much better than the physical discomfort that accompanies the issue. ## 3. Challenges With ED While men and women share several initial warning signs of diabetes, there are also early symptoms of diabetes that are unique to men. By way of example, various experts believe that sexual health complications, particularly erectile dysfunction (the inability to achieve or maintain an erection), can be one of the first indicators of type 2 diabetes in men. In fact, [men who have diabetes](https://www.lark.com/blog/signs-of-diabetes-in-men/) are three times more likely to experience erectile dysfunction than non-diabetic men. To put it briefly, men with diabetes are more likely to have low levels of the sex hormone testosterone. Testosterone helps to regulate blood sugar levels by absorbing sugar in the bloodstream created by insulin. For this reason, low levels of testosterone can contribute to high blood sugar levels, essentially leading to type 2 diabetes. And seeing as diabetes can damage blood vessels, in this case, it can affect blood flow to the penis, ultimately hindering a man’s ability to achieve an erection. **Related:** [Can hypnotherapy help ED?](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-performance-anxiety/) All in all, diabetes is a chronic condition that can cause significant health complications in multiple aspects of one’s life—especially for men. Fortunately, with early detection, you can stop type 2 diabetes in its tracks before it wreaks havoc on your health. The key is to recognize the symptoms of type 2 diabetes by paying close attention to any changes to your body, no matter how subtle they may seem. Don’t wait until it’s too late to take control of your health. Talk to your doctor about your risks for diabetes and be sure to mention any symptoms. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Diabetes, ED, Skin --- ### [6 Physical Exercises For Better Mental Health](https://guycounseling.com/6-physical-exercises-mental-health/) **Published:** June 2, 2020 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![fighting dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/boxer.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Exercises to improve mental health** It has been proven that exercise promotes mental health, boosts the immune system, and controls obesity. When you integrate exercise as part of your daily routine, you are likely to experience improved sleep, elevated mood, increased self-esteem, and improved concentration, just to mention a few. [Personal trainers](https://guycounseling.com/holistic-health-guide/) help people tap into these benefits through a wide range of exercises aimed at relieving mental stress and promoting physical fitness. Below are six exercises that personal trainers have widely recommended to boost mental health. ## **1. Walking and Running** This old age exercise is the simplest and most easy-to-implement from wherever you are. The benefits to mental health are overwhelming. You can easily move your body as you enjoy nature and take a breath of fresh air while simultaneously bathing in the sun. It is a perfect therapy for mental stress. Make your [exercise goals](https://guycounseling.com/motivation-goals-as-if-technique/) easy to accomplish because if they seem complicated, you might not have the courage to start. You can begin with slow-paced walks over short distances. Over time, you can increase the distance and pace. Personal trainers also recommend you invite a friend for inspiration and encouragement to keep you going. This creates competition and enthusiasm to keep the momentum. Once you’ve mastered your walks and no longer struggle to get started, it’s time to integrate jogging. Just like walking, you can start with small goals and gradually pick up. Do not forget to tag a jogging buddy along. ## **2. Swimming Exercise** Swimming is a powerful exercise that naturally boosts mental health, even when done for a short period, like 10 minutes a day. To get the best out of your swimming exercise, you must be in the right mindset. You’ll have the most relaxing experience if you can imagine the feeling beforehand and hope to enjoy the water’s soft caress. Start your swimming at the beginners’ level and progress with time. It is also essential to get support when starting. Maybe you can invite a colleague or friends for that team spirit in a new environment. You can also join like-minded individuals with whom you can plan swimming sessions together. This exercise is ideal if you are passionate about swimming. A substitute exercise will be a great fit if the thought of a pool scares you. ## **3. Yoga**  Yoga is instrumental for mental health as it connects the body and the mind and brings you to the present moment. The slow deep breaths help you to focus. The breathing exercises diffuse destructive thoughts and they put your nervous system to rest. The unique yoga pose helps you to see the world through a different lens. So, instead of focusing on the postures that you find difficult to perform, shift your attention to how the poses make you feel. Stick to the positions that you like and can easily adapt. Yoga opens up your mind to different perspectives. After a session, you’ll easily overcome mental blocks and improve your [problem-solving ability](https://guycounseling.com/coping-skills-anxiety/). You can find alternative ways of resolving issues. Yoga can also involve meditation or chanting. Whichever you opt for, yoga helps you to get in touch with your inner self, which is a powerful way to connect with your mental, emotional and physical needs. The overall effect is general wellbeing. ## **4. Spin Biking** Spin biking is a fun way to stay physically fit and boost mental health. Many spin studios use great playlists and choreographed spinning routines to make the fitness exercise full of energy and fun. The spinning routines start by encouraging the participants to focus on their breath, thus shifting to the present moment. As you continue with the exercise, you change your focus to your goals; what you want to achieve from the training. Concentrating on your goals shifts your energy to the positive results you want to achieve rather than the issues bothering you. The positive energy improves your physical, mental, and emotional health. With an energy boost, you can perform your duties better, be more focused, and alert. ## **5. Boxing** Boxing is a great way to shift your energy from your surrounding to the present moment. As a demanding exercise, you can block destructive thoughts and focus on releasing stress with every punch. Punching exercises are a way of relieving tension and anger. It empowers you to overcome any aggressive behavior and heal from negative thoughts and feelings. Boxing enables you to connect with other boxers as it is rarely a solo exercise. The group energy alone is a perfect motivator to keep pushing. Boxing improves your mental power, helping you to handle daily challenges better. Also, as you make progress, it boosts your self-esteem. The achievements in the ring give you the drive to achieve the same in real life. ## **6. High-Intensity Interval Training** As the name suggests, [this training is intense](https://guycounseling.com/resistance-training-depression/) and is performed in short bursts. As you start, you might find it difficult, but as your body and mind get used to the energy burst, you increasingly get better results. It is essential to start at low levels as you adjust to moderate and then high levels. The systematic approach gives your body time to adjust progressively. Intense training keeps you focused on the exercise. It’s almost impossible to let your brain roam when the exercises demand high concentration. The burst of energy that comes with intense training translates to physical and mental wellbeing. You can be active, resilient, and have improved coping strategies. When you feel good about your physique, it automatically boosts your mental health. Personal trainers understand the connection between mental health and the right mood-elevation exercise. In addition to a course on [how to become a nutritionist](https://www.ptpioneer.com/holistic-nutrition-certification/), this knowledge can help a personal trainer provide a holistic approach to assisting others in maintaining mental health. Tyler Read, a personal fitness expert, and the owner of ptpiooner.com is a stern believer that it is crucial to do thorough research before settling for a nutrition certification. Exercise has been associated with the endorphin hormone that interacts with the central nervous system and triggers positive feelings, energy bursts, and elevates your mood. That’s why exercises produce amazing results when it’s tailored with mental health in mind. ## **Tyler Read**  Tyler Read is the owner of[ ptpioneer.com](https://www.ptpioneer.com/) which is a website dedicated to helping people get started in the personal training industry. He helps people discover, study, and pass their fitness exams. Check out his[ free videos](https://www.youtube.com/c/Ptpioneer) for the latest trends. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Mental Health, Physical Exercises. Personal Training --- ### [10 Hacks For Coming Out of COVID-19 Isolation](https://guycounseling.com/coming-out-covid-19-isolation/) **Published:** June 4, 2020 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![man mask covid 19](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/man-mask-covid-19.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## When Covid-19 Isolation Ends Are you nervous about coming out of isolation? As restrictions on work and social life start to lift, it’s important to stay healthy when you begin to venture out more. It can be a stressful time because the COVID-19 virus is still raging, even though our economy is begging for a reboot. The good news is that you don’t have to freak out or look like a freak when you finally emerge from your self-induced cocoon. Believe it or not, you can protect yourself and others and still conduct yourself in a respectable way. You don’t have to lose your cool. You can be a source for positive energy. You can be productive and stay healthy at the same time. Want to know how? Here are a few tips for the post-isolation gentleman. ## 1. Exercise at Home, Just for a Little Longer Gyms are starting to re-open all over the country. There are strict guidelines in place for social distancing though. So, you might find that there are fewer pieces of exercise equipment at your disposal. You might also need to change your behavior when it comes to socializing with your fellow gymgoers. These constraints will have obvious effects on your gym experience. It just won’t feel like it used to before. You’ve probably been working out at home for the past few months so why not keep it up. Exercising at home or outdoors will greatly reduce your exposure and risk of infection. When you’re working up a sweat, your pores are opened and you’re more likely to touch your nose and mouth. Some gyms also lack proper ventilation. So, there’s a bad combination of factors that make your local gym a hotbed for bacteria and viruses. You don’t have to go out and buy a set of weights or some other expensive equipment for your home. If you normally run a treadmill, then take up a weekly run in the park instead. If you just do some light cardio, then maybe you could take up cycling. The point is to minimize your exposure whenever and however possible. ## 2. Stylish Gloves and Scarf There’s so much talk about masks, gloves and PPE (personal protective equipment) these days. For most people, the guidelines are fuzzy on what types of masks and gloves you should be wearing and when. There are surgical masks, respirator masks, and cloth masks. So, which one should you choose? How about you don’t choose any of those? Instead, you can wear a scarf to protect your nose and mouth from spreading or receiving airborne particles. The scarf can feature your favorite logos, colors, and reflect your personal style. It doesn’t have to look like something you’d wear to the hospital. Plastic gloves look so cheap and they’re really nowhere near as effective as simply washing your hands frequently. You’re more likely to cross contaminate and spread bacteria around by touching everything you own with your gloves. There is an alternative though. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/CA96estBdtU/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) You could wear nice gloves instead. (Imagine that?) If you do feel the need to wear gloves in certain circumstances such as shopping at the supermarket, then why not wear a nicer pair? Try to pick up synthetic leather gloves that can easily be washed and reworn, time and time again. ## 3. Washing Hands Properly People that used to wash their hands all the time were once thought to be germaphobes. Now, it’s the latest trend. It’s important to wash your hands frequently because if you have bacteria or virus particles on your hands, you don’t want to accidently touch your nose, mouth or eyes. That’s how you get sick. You can also pick up or put down bacteria and virus particles on surfaces around you. Washing your hands frequently is a good way to minimize your potential for getting infected and spreading infection. Try to wash your hands for at least 20 seconds. You can hum the chorus of your favorite song to help you remember. ## 4. Fist bump. No Handshakes. No Touching Your Face. This could be one of the most difficult guidelines to follow because touching others is a big part of social interaction. It’s one of those things that you never truly miss until it’s gone. However, shaking hands might not be the best practice for social greetings right now. To avoid spreading germs, bacteria, etc. you might want to adopt the fist bump for all your greetings. You don’t have to stand that close to someone to do it and you avoid making contact with the palm and fingers. You touch your face with your palm and fingers, not your fist. So, the good ol’ fist bump is way more hygienic. Now, have you ever noticed how much you touch your face? This is one of the main vehicles for getting bacteria and viruses into your body. If you’ve touched something unsanitary and then tweak your nose a bit, then you’ve likely put harmful micro-pathogens inside your body. If you have a habit of excessively touching your face, then you might want to practice holding an object in your hand like a pen or pencil. It will keep your hand occupied and help increase your mindfulness about touching your face excessively. ## 5. Avoid Compulsive Shopping These are certainly uncertain economic times. It’s the hard truth, but it needs to be shared. Millions of Americans have lost their jobs in recent months and the global economy took a nosedive. Yet, stress can lead you to compulsive shopping just to cure boredom or provide a temporary rush of the feels. Just because things are slowly easing toward a new normal, don’t get disillusioned and start loosening your purse strings just yet. This is the time to be economically cautious and frugal. So, before you click the BUY button, assess what you already have. Save some money for a rainy day because you never know what problems are on the horizon. A gentleman takes good care of himself and his loved ones. That means you might need to avoid buying some luxury items for a while. If you can’t ignore the urge to buy something new, then buy something useful. Buy something that will last. Buy something that provides great value. ## 6. Check on elderly, disabled and high risk neighbors. Part of being a gentleman is caring for the less fortunate. You might not have everything you need, but consider the elderly, disabled and those people who are at high risk of succumbing to infectious diseases. These people are your neighbors, family members and friends. You can give them a phone call or a quick text just to ask if there’s anything you can do to help them. They might feel the need to stay indoors even though others are venturing out. You could pick up some items for them while you’re out shopping or stop by to do some work at their home. Not only will you ease their days, but you’ll also give yourself a healthy mental boost, as well. Studies show that being kind to others helps to stem your own feelings of [depression and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/coping-skills-anxiety/). Sure, you might have things you’re struggling with, but helping other people will make you feel better, too. ## 7. Avoid constant and stressful social media updates. When you were in deep isolation it was difficult to avoid scrolling through social media. It was something to pass the time, but it wasn’t always good time. Social media feeds collect so much data and throw it at you with the focused strength of a class 5 tornado. It can become so overwhelming and stressful. Now, that you’re embracing a new normality, you should avoid the constant barrage of social media updates. There’s just way too much negative information now. It can lead to elevated stress levels. You should use social media to keep up with family members and friends. In fact, you can use it for whatever you want. Just try to avoid getting lost in the echo chamber of stress-inducing posts. You must remember that you can’t fix everything and everybody. So, log off from social media from time to time. https://www.instagram.com/p/CA6YpwqJqkV/ ## 8. Keep a positive attitude for self and others. Let’s face it – there’s enough negativity in the world right now. It’s easy to find bad news and even worse attitudes. That’s why it’s doubly important to be a beacon for positivity. Thinking positively can have tremendous benefits for your mental and physical health. Now, imagine spreading those benefits to other people. You can do that by simply providing good reports. Have something positive and uplifting to say when you talk to people is a fine way to make yourself more likeable. To make it easier, you can look for positive quotes online. You can also check out sites like [sciencedaily.com](http://www.sciencedaily.com). They have daily news about new scientific discoveries. You can always find something interesting to share with others about the latest advances in science and technology. Did you know that scientists at Shinshu University just figured out a new way to create clean hydrogen energy from sunlight? Do you completely understand what that means? Probably not, but it sure does beat retelling the same old sad news from the mainstream media outlets. At the very least, it’s a positive conversation starter. ## 9. Two laundry sorts. Inside. Outside. Now that you’re heading out of your home more often and going to more places, you should tweak the way you do laundry. Most guys just have a single laundry bin and toss everything in there until washing day. That might not be a good idea in a world with infectious viruses at large. You see, medical and scientific experts are still unclear as to how long the coronavirus can last on fabric. They know that it’s certainly not as long as metal (up to 5 days) but no detailed analysis has been conducted about your clothes. That means it’s up to you to use your best judgement. One thing you can do is separate your laundry into two bins – one for outside clothes and one for indoor clothes. This way, you can rest assured that you can throw that T-shirt on one more time if you’re just lounging around the house. (We know you do it, guys.) ## 10. Eat and Drink your Medicines. This isn’t the time to ease up on your own selfcare, gentlemen. Just because you can start heading back into society, doesn’t mean that you should neglect your own health in the process. The best medicines aren’t found in the pharmacy, they’re found in the foods you eat. Fast food chains are opening back up, but that doesn’t mean you should over-indulge in fatty, greasy takeaway dishes. Stick to the healthy foods like fruits and vegetables. Make sure you’re getting plenty of vitamins and nutrients so that your immune system stays in tip top shape. Drink at least 2 liters of water every day. If you struggle to keep up with how much water you’re drinking, then try drinking from a reusable bottle. Fill it up first thing in the morning and try to keep filling it up all day long. ## The New Gentleman’s Takeaway Now, imagine yourself keeping up with these 10 post-lockdown tips. You’re less stressed and more prepared for unexpected outcomes. You’re keeping your body and mind in good condition. You’re staying away from negativity and promoting positive attitudes in the people around you. A gentleman handles the hardships of life with tenacity, courage, and a touch of style. So, become a beacon of hope for others and in some small way you can make the world a better place. Carry on, gentlemen. Carry on. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Coronavirus, COVID-19, Mental Health, Self-Care, Society --- ### [Creating Physical Intimacy Through Mindfulness (E27)](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-mindfulness-e27/) **Published:** June 7, 2020 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![sensate focus](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/couple-intimacy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Physical Intimacy Do you struggle with creating intimacy in your relationship? Has the physical closeness you once shared with your partner all but disappeared? Are you hoping to create positive change in this area? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. One of the main reasons men seek out the guidance of a counselor directly relates to a lack of intimacy in personal, romantic relationships. So, how can you create physical closeness with your mate without the experience being robotic? Is there any way to strengthen the physical bond between you and your partner that enhances pleasure? Can intuitiveness be increased as part of the process? For many – the answer is yes by engaging in a mindfulness-based technique called Sensate Focus. In this podcast, Dr. Moore will walk you through the nuts and bolts of sensate focus and how it can be used through various phases. Later in the show, Dr. Moore will also answer an email from a college student named “Chuck” who is struggling to identify several toxic relationships in his life. In his response, Moore walks the listener through 7 telltale signs of toxic relationships to consider, as presented on the [Jordan Harbinger Show](https://www.jordanharbinger.com/7-signs-its-time-to-cut-a-toxic-person-out-of-your-life-and-how-to-do-it/). You’ll also learn about a special 10% discount offered to listeners of the podcast with [BetterHelp](https://guycounseling.com/1bzc). ## SHOW HIGHLIGHTS - The story of Mark – a 38-year-old man who struggled with re-creating physical intimacy in his marriage. - The Sensate Focus technique and how it is used. - [Handout on Sensate Focus](https://www.fredhutch.org/content/dam/public/Treatment-Suport/survivorship/MBCTW2014/Sensate%20Focus.pdf) (PDF offline from Fred Hutch) - A quick walkthrough of the phases of Sensate Focus - Learn about the importance of [mindfulness and closeness](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-intimacy-couples-815/) - An email from “Chuck” on the identification of toxic relationships - A walkthrough of the 7-telltale signs someone toxic may be in your life. - A shout-out to the show’s sponsor, BetterHelp who is offering a 10% discount to all listeners of the podcast. BetterHelp offers expert online counseling services. [Use this link to receive the discount](https://guycounseling.com/1bzc). [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0982971001&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=mensvariety-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0982971001/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0982971001&linkCode=am2&tag=mensvariety-20&linkId=ac1c193a60fc95ebd56cad65c340179c)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=mensvariety-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0982971001)[Listen on Apple Podcast](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/guy-counseling-radio-self-help-for-men/id1465473031) [Listen on Stitcher](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/guy-counseling-radio/e/61479726) [Listen on iHeart Radio](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-the-mens-self-help-podcast-46370862/) [Listen on Player FM](https://player.fm/series/the-mens-self-help-podcast) [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/show/0BAniQNArZtJQBuokgtMET) **Categories:** Field Notes, Podcasts, Relationships **Tags:** closeness, intimacy, sensate focus --- ### [Mindful Hypnotherapy Helps Highly Stressed, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-hypnotherapy-stress-616/) **Published:** June 16, 2020 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![mindfulness hypnosis man water](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/mindful-hypnosis.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Mindful hypnosis and calmer living A natural form of treatment for highly stressed individuals called mindful hypnotherapy shows promising results, according to a new study published in the [International Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00207144.2020.1722028). Guy Counseling spoke to Dr. John Moore about the study. He is a clinical hypnotherapist and Chicago – and editor of Guy Counseling. “We’ve known the psychological, emotional, and physical benefits of mindfulness for a long time. Combining hypnosis with mindfulness is a natural fit. While more research needs to be conducted, I am not surprised that people benefited from this dualistic approach,” Moore said. Hypnotic interventions are usually brief in nature and focused on a specific issue, such as pain, anxiety, fear, or stress. Mindfulness is all about living in the here and now. In many ways, the combo of mindfulness and hypnosis is a form of [energy healing](https://guycounseling.com/energy-healing-benefits/#What_Is_Energy_Psychology), firmly rooted in the holistic. Dr. Gary Elkins, Director of the Mind-Body Medicine Research Laboratory at Baylor University, said the following about the use of hypnosis and mindfulness in a press release: “Combining mindfulness and hypnotherapy in a single session is a novel intervention that may be equal to or better than existing treatments, with the advantage of being more time-effective, less daunting, and easier to use. This could be a valuable option for treating anxiety and stress reduction.” ![holistic health buddha](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/holistic-health-buddha.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Mindfulness-based wellness ## About the study For this eight-week investigation, researchers at Baylor recruited 42 people who self-reported having high levels of stress. Half of the group took part in weekly, one-hour individual sessions that included hypnotic inductions and mindfulness-based suggestions. **More:** [How hypnosis helps reduce anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) These same participants were also given hypnotic audio mp3s, lasting approximately 20 minutes. The recordings contained suggestions for mindfulness, relaxation, and aspects of hypnotherapy. The second group did not partake in these interventions. After the study, the treatment group reported significant decreased in stress. They indicated they were highly satisfied with the number of sessions and ease in which they could attend to the activity at home. Most participants indicated they took part in the interventions each day and reported having a very high level of satisfaction. And what about the non-treatment group? According to the findings, no significant differences were noted with pre and post-study stress levels. The study does have limitations. Examples include the small sample size and inherent issues that can happen with patient self-reporting. Elkins thinks more research in the future needs to happen to assess the impact of mindfulness-based hypnosis. He also believes there is value in testing this type of intervention on people struggling with depression, anxiety, and chronic pain. Previous research on hypnotic interventions and mindfulness suggests it may help to [reduce anxiety and pain](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-surgery-pain-anxiety/) after surgery. **Have you experienced relief from stress through hypnotherapy? If so, share your thoughts in the comments box below.** **Categories:** Mind, News, Science **Tags:** Anxiety, hypnosis, Hypnotherapy, research, stress --- ### [Outlaw Soaps “The Gambler” Body Wash – Worth The Money?](https://guycounseling.com/outlaw-soaps-gambler-review/) **Published:** August 24, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cowboy chewing straw](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cowboy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Outlaw Soap’s “The Gambler” Natural Body Wash Are you thinking of buying Outlaw Soaps “The Gambler” Natural Body Wash for men? Curious if this product smells as advertised? Hoping to pick something up that vibes out manly without a bunch of harsh chemicals? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Several months ago, I purchased Outlaw’s “The Gambler” body wash ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Lh7cGt)) in the 8-ounce bottle because I was weirdly drawn to it. Perhaps it had something to do with the old-timey packaging – who knows? At any rate, what follows are my impressions of this product. Right off the bat, you need to know I’m not getting a dime from the folks who make this soap. I’m also not earning an affiliate sales fee. **Now onto the question – is the Gambler Body Wash by Outlaw worth the money?** In my experience, I have to say that I’ve been very pleased. To begin with, the body wash absolutely smells as advertised. In case you don’t know, the packaging suggests the scent will be a trio of: - Bourbon - Tobacco - Leather What’s great about the smell is that it’s not overpowering. If you’ve ever used [body washes designed for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/), you know that some of them can come off too strong. I have to say that wasn’t my experience with “The Gambler”. Instead, the scent was subtler – like hints of bourbon and tobacco with faint whiffs of new leather. Ever hang out by a campfire in the woods with friends? That’s how this men’s body wash smells to me. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/ySMlUbk6qZENa/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## How does “The Gambler” feel? So, you may be wondering how this product feels on the skin? Well, my own thought is that it goes on gentle. The gel is clear and dispenses from the bottle with ease. And here’s the thing … a little bit goes a long way. For example, I squeezed a quarter size amount of the gel onto a washcloth and found this amount this to be plenty for a quick morning wash. The other thing I’ve noticed is that “The Gambler” doesn’t dry my skin out. In fact, it seems like it helps to lock in moisture. In looking at the ingredients, I read it contains two types of oil (fruit and rice). While I can’t be sure, I’m thinking this duo may help to explain the moisturizing effect. I’m not saying that you won’t need to [use a face cream](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) or body lotion after showering. You will. But I am suggesting that Outlaw’s product doesn’t make your skin feel parched like many bar soaps do. ## Would I buy “The Gambler” again? A true test of a products likeability is if a consumer purchases it more than once. In the case of “The Gambler”, I would very likely buy this guy again. Now let’s get to the nitty-gritty – is it worth spending the money on? At a national retail price of $14.00 for the 8-ounce bottle, I’d be hard pressed to tell you it’s not a good deal. I recognize there are other reviews written by guys on the web who suggest “The Gambler” doesn’t smell as advertised and that it’s overpriced. Speaking only for myself, I can’t say that has been my experience. Slap me silly and call me stupid but I kind of like the cheesy labeling with the “Feeln’ Lucky” tagline. The marketing team obviously knows how to tap into that [rugged, manly vibe](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) a lot of men go for. Well, there you have it – my review of “The Gambler” from Outlaw Soaps. I’m giving it five stars. **Have you tried “The Gambler” before? If so, what was your experience? Would you buy it again?** **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Reviews **Tags:** Body Wash, Manscape, Shower, Soaps --- ### [30 Cold Weather Camping Tips](https://guycounseling.com/cold-weather-tent-camping/) **Published:** January 19, 2018 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![winter tent camping](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/winter-camping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Cold weather tent camping hacks](#Cold_weather_tent_camping_hacks) - [Choosing a Winter Campsite and Setting Up Camp](#Choosing_a_Winter_Campsite_and_Setting_Up_Camp) - [1. Flatten the Snow Before Pitching Your Tent](#1_Flatten_the_Snow_Before_Pitching_Your_Tent) - [2. Pitch Your Tent Behind a Windblock](#2_Pitch_Your_Tent_Behind_a_Windblock) - [3. Watch Out for “Widowmakers”](#3_Watch_Out_for_%E2%80%9CWidowmakers%E2%80%9D) - [4. Avoid Slopes Steeper Than 20 Degrees](#4_Avoid_Slopes_Steeper_Than_20_Degrees) - [How to Stay Warm While Sleeping](#How_to_Stay_Warm_While_Sleeping) - [5. Use a Properly Rated Sleeping Bag](#5_Use_a_Properly_Rated_Sleeping_Bag) - [6. Make Your Sleeping Bag 10 Degrees Warmer with a Liner](#6_Make_Your_Sleeping_Bag_10_Degrees_Warmer_with_a_Liner) - [7. Don’t Breathe Into Your Sleeping Bag](#7_Dont_Breathe_Into_Your_Sleeping_Bag) - [8. Stash a Bottle of Warm Water at Your Feet](#8_Stash_a_Bottle_of_Warm_Water_at_Your_Feet) - [9. Eat a Big Warm Meal Right Before Hitting the Sack](#9_Eat_a_Big_Warm_Meal_Right_Before_Hitting_the_Sack) - [10. Don’t Hold in Your Pee](#10_Dont_Hold_in_Your_Pee) - [11. Wear Your Beanie and Socks to Sleep](#11_Wear_Your_Beanie_and_Socks_to_Sleep) - [Cold Weather Cooking Tips](#Cold_Weather_Cooking_Tips) - [12. Make a Sheltered Cooking Area](#12_Make_a_Sheltered_Cooking_Area) - [13. Use a White Gas Stove, Not a Canister](#13_Use_a_White_Gas_Stove_Not_a_Canister) - [14. Bring a Windscreen for Your Stove](#14_Bring_a_Windscreen_for_Your_Stove) - [15. If You are Using a Canister Stove, Keep It Warm in Your Sleeping Bag](#15_If_You_are_Using_a_Canister_Stove_Keep_It_Warm_in_Your_Sleeping_Bag) - [16. Keep a Bottle of Drinking Water in Your Sleeping Bag with You So You’ll Have Unfrozen Water to Drink in the Morning](#16_Keep_a_Bottle_of_Drinking_Water_in_Your_Sleeping_Bag_with_You_So_Youll_Have_Unfrozen_Water_to_Drink_in_the_Morning) - [17. Heat Things Up with Spicy Foods](#17_Heat_Things_Up_with_Spicy_Foods) - [18. Don’t Forget the Flask of Bourbon](#18_Dont_Forget_the_Flask_of_Bourbon) - [Dressing Smart for the Cold](#Dressing_Smart_for_the_Cold) - [19. No cotton](#19_No_cotton) - [20. Go with Merino](#20_Go_with_Merino) - [21. Layer Up](#21_Layer_Up) - [22. Wear a Base Layer](#22_Wear_a_Base_Layer) - [23. Wear a Mid-Layer](#23_Wear_a_Mid-Layer) - [24. Don’t Forget Your Outer layer](#24_Dont_Forget_Your_Outer_layer) - [25. Wool Socks = Warm Feet](#25_Wool_Socks_Warm_Feet) - [26. Insulated Boots](#26_Insulated_Boots) - [27. Don’t Tie Your Boots Too Tight](#27_Dont_Tie_Your_Boots_Too_Tight) - [28. Wear Warm Gloves](#28_Wear_Warm_Gloves) - [29. Keep the Heat in Your Head with a Beanie](#29_Keep_the_Heat_in_Your_Head_with_a_Beanie) - [30. Don’t Get Sweaty, Strip off a Layer Before Heavy Activity](#30_Dont_Get_Sweaty_Strip_off_a_Layer_Before_Heavy_Activity) - [It’s Easier to Stay Warm Than it is to Get Warm](#Its_Easier_to_Stay_Warm_Than_it_is_to_Get_Warm) ## Cold weather tent camping hacks For those of us who like to spend time outside, winter can serve a punishing blow to morale. But if you’re prepared to not only endure but *embrace* cold weather conditions, you don’t have to let snow and ice keep you cooped up inside. Cold weather camping can take many forms from cross-country ski trips to snowmobile bug outs to weekend ice fishing missions. But regardless of your activity of choice, the challenges of winter [camping and recreation](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) remain largely the same across the board. So whether you plan on snowshoeing into the backcountry for some isolated winter camping or setting up a fish camp along your favorite steelhead river, the following 30 tips will help you set up camp, sleep warm, eat good, and enjoy every second of your snowy excursions this winter. ## Choosing a Winter Campsite and Setting Up Camp If your camping plans take you into the mountains, be prepared to deal with the white stuff. Driving to your winter campsite is perhaps the most dangerous stretch of your entire trip, so be sure you’re driving a capable vehicle and don’t forget to carry chains. Once you get to the general area you’d like to camp, your biggest challenge is choosing and setting up a proper winter campsite that’s comfortable and safe. ### 1. Flatten the Snow Before Pitching Your Tent In the dead of winter, there’s a good chance you’ll be camping directly on top of the snow. Before you pitch your tent, take a few minutes to flatten the snow that will be under the tent. When you sleep, your body heat will melt the snow, then when you leave the tent it will re-freeze. If you don’t flatten the snow before, you’ll be sleeping on a bumpy icefield that’s downright uncomfortable and annoying. ### 2. Pitch Your Tent Behind a Windblock Before you start stomping snow, make sure you’ve chosen a site for your tent that has adequate protection from the wind. Not only will high winds [stress your tent](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/) and potentially blow it away, the added chill of the wind can make cold weather even more miserable. Instead, try to find a natural wind block — the side of a cliff, a cut bank, a stand of trees, an outcropping of rocks — where you can pitch your tent. Get creative. ### 3. Watch Out for “Widowmakers” No matter what season, it’s crucial that you look up when selecting a tent site and make sure you’re clear of any “widowmakers” — dead overhead branches that could fall at any minute. Widowmakers are especially dangerous during winter as accumulated snow can weigh down the branches, making them even more likely to snap. ### 4. Avoid Slopes Steeper Than 20 Degrees If your travels take you into avalanche zones, do yourself a huge favor and get proper training. Then, when you’re in the field, do everything you can to avoid areas that show signs of avalanche potential. As a general rule of thumb, slopes that are 20 degrees or steeper are more prone to avalanches — definitely not a good place to set up camp! > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BUYknTyllCp/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## How to Stay Warm While Sleeping Much of your overall enjoyment while camping comes down to how well you sleep at night. But getting good sleep in the freezing cold can be extremely challenging if you don’t have the right gear or make one of several rookie mistakes that can rob you of precious body heat. The next seven tips will put you on track for toasty nights in arctic-like conditions. ### 5. Use a Properly Rated Sleeping Bag Make sure your sleeping bag is rated for at least 10 degrees colder than the coldest temperatures you expect to be camping in. For true snow camping, a [0-degree sleeping bag](http://amzn.to/2Dm82vz) is a good starting point; go warmer if you can afford it. ### 6. Make Your Sleeping Bag 10 Degrees Warmer with a Liner Let’s say you have a 20-degree sleeping bag but you want to camp in some 10-degree weather. If you don’t want to shell out hundreds of dollars for a new sleeping bag, spend $60 or so on a fleece sleeping bag liner. These lovely items can add an extra 10 degrees to your bag’s rating. ### 7. Don’t Breathe Into Your Sleeping Bag The tendency is to want to work your way deep into your sleeping bag where you’re sealed away from the bitter cold outside. But if you’re breathing into your sleeping bag, you’ll be adding considerable moisture into your bag, which will sap your body heat. Instead, cinch up the hood of your sleeping bag so that just your nose and mouth are exposed. ### 8. Stash a Bottle of Warm Water at Your Feet Before you go to bed, fill a Nalgene water bottle with warm water then put it by your feet in the sleeping bag. This infusion of heat will keep you super warm for hours. ### 9. Eat a Big Warm Meal Right Before Hitting the Sack Try to push back dinner until just before bedtime so you can fall asleep with a belly full of warm food. This will warm you up from the inside out, plus your body burns calories while digesting food which will also help you stay warm. ### 10. Don’t Hold in Your Pee You’re going to want to hold it until the very last minute to avoid a trip outside the tent to relieve yourself. But it’s actually best to get it over with as soon as possible because your body has to expend energy keeping your bladder full of urine warm — energy that could be much better spent. ### 11. Wear Your Beanie and Socks to Sleep We lose a tremendous amount of body heat out the tops of our heads and the bottoms of our feet. Wearing a beanie and socks while you sleep can go a long way to retaining as much body heat as possible. ## ![Winter Mountains Camping in a tent](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/stars-2.gif?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1)Cold Weather Cooking Tips Food always tastes better when you’re out in nature. This is especially true when most of your day is spent trying to stay warm. Hot bites and warm sips of coffee are heavenly when you’re frozen to the bone. ### 12. Make a Sheltered Cooking Area When setting up camp, one of your first tasks should be to establish a sheltered cooking area. A simple tarp is often all you need to create a small area to get out of the snow, rain, and wind to make cooking in the elements more doable. ### 13. Use a White Gas Stove, Not a Canister Standard backpacking stoves that use canisters generally work well in temperatures down to around 31 degrees or so. Any colder than that, however, and the butane in the fuel mixture stops vaporizing, resulting in weakened pressure and a tiny flame. Instead, go with a liquid fuel stove that burns white gas — they continue working well below freezing. ### 14. Bring a Windscreen for Your Stove Along with your camp stove, bring a small windscreen [like this one](https://www.amazon.com/Solo-Aluminum-Windscreen-Backpacking-Camping/dp/B00ASMLPPO), or make your own out of tin foil. Save yourself the headache of a stove that won’t stay lit. ### 15. If You are Using a Canister Stove, Keep It Warm in Your Sleeping Bag The convenience of canister stoves can outweigh their poor cold weather performance. So if you insist on rocking the can, keep it in your sleeping bag at night so it’s warm and ready for use in the morning. ### 16. Keep a Bottle of Drinking Water in Your Sleeping Bag with You So You’ll Have Unfrozen Water to Drink in the Morning Similarly to the last tip, if it’s below freezing, keep a bottle of drinking water in your sleeping bag so it doesn’t turn into a block of ice overnight. ### 17. Heat Things Up with Spicy Foods We mentioned that eating a warm meal before bedtime makes for a warmer night’s sleep, but why not make it even warmer by adding a hit of spice. Pack some chili powder or a small bottle of hot sauce and go to town. ### 18. Don’t Forget the Flask of Bourbon When you need to warm up quickly, nothing hits the spot like a swig from a flask. Filler up with your spirit of choice, but it’s hard to go wrong with a nice smooth bourbon. ## Dressing Smart for the Cold Having fun while camping in the cold often comes down to your sustained level of comfort. Dressing for the conditions is crucial. ### 19. No cotton Cotton clothing is cheap and comfortable, but it’s a poor insulator and loses all warmth if it gets wet. Plus, cotton holds onto smells and can get very stinky over the course of a multi-day trip. Go with garments made of moisture-wicking and breathable synthetic materials, or better yet… ### 20. Go with Merino Merino wool is somewhat of a miracle product for anyone who stays active in cold weather. With natural water repellent and anti-microbial properties, wool wicks moisture and doesn’t get smelly. Merino wool apparel can get expensive, but if cared for, it will last a long time and perform better than any synthetic. ### 21. Layer Up This is standard advice when dressing for any outdoor activity in practically any weather, but it’s paramount in cold temperatures. By dressing in layers, you can quickly remove or add clothing as your activity levels change throughout the day. Adaptability is key. ### 22. Wear a Base Layer The clothing you wear next to your skin is known as your base layer and its primary purpose is to wick moisture away from your skin. Merino wool long underwear for your upper and lower body is the way to go. ### 23. Wear a Mid-Layer Your mid-layer garments are all about insulation and for this, materials like fleece, down, and of course, Merino wool, are the clear winners. Have at least two different mid-layers available to fine-tune your temperature. ### 24. Don’t Forget Your Outer layer Unless you’re blessed with bright blue skies and dry, powdery snow, count on getting wet while winter camping. A waterproof parka is [standard outerwear for winter](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) adventurers, just make sure yours is made of breathable material and has a good hood. ### 25. Wool Socks = Warm Feet Heavy-duty expedition weight wool socks are the winter hiker’s answer to cold toes. Again, invest in at least one pair of Merino wool socks and you won’t regret it. ### 26. Insulated Boots You can probably get by with standard hiking boots and thick wool socks for a few days in the snow, but you’ll be a lot happier with dedicated insulated cold weather boots. Look for waterproof boots lined with Thinsulate or similar insulation, and if you aren’t doing any strenuous hiking, a pair of [good ol’ fashioned Sorels](http://amzn.to/2mRNW5y) will suit you just fine. ### 27. Don’t Tie Your Boots Too Tight Or else you’ll cut off the circulation to your toes and your feet will freeze! ### 28. Wear Warm Gloves At a minimum, you need a pair of wool gloves to keep your hands warm. For more warmth and waterproofness, a pair of ski or snowboard gloves work great. ### 29. Keep the Heat in Your Head with a Beanie Again, minimize the amount of heat you lose out your head by wearing a warm, comfortable beanie. If you anticipate high winds, check out a beanie that features Gore Windstopper fabric. ### 30. Don’t Get Sweaty, Strip off a Layer Before Heavy Activity Monitor your activity levels very closely and add or remove clothing accordingly. The last thing you want is to get sweaty because once that sweat cools off you’ll be chilled to the core. Avoid a potentially hypothermic situation by stripping off insulating layers when you hit steep sections of the trail. Similarly, when you stop hiking for lunch, pull on an extra fleece sweatshirt to stay warm while you’re sitting still. ## It’s Easier to Stay Warm Than it is to Get Warm You may have noticed a trend emerge as we walked through these 30 cold weather camping tips — having a good time in cold weather is all about staying warm. And while it’s important to have the right gear to endure the conditions, it’s much easier to stay warm if you never let yourself get cold in the first place. It takes considerably more energy to generate heat from scratch than it does to retain and conserve heat you already have. Keep this in mind as you venture out into the solitude of the winter woods. Move slowly, plan your actions carefully, don’t overexert and get sweaty, and don’t forget the tips and tricks we shared with you today as you head outside this winter. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Camping, Survival, Tent, Winter --- ### [What Is a Criminal Psychologist?](https://guycounseling.com/criminal-psychologist/) **Published:** March 31, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/crimnal-psychologist.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [A CAREER AS A CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGIST](#A_CAREER_AS_A_CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGIST) - [WHAT DO CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS DO?](#WHAT_DO_CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGISTS_DO) - [CONSULTING CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS](#CONSULTING_CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGISTS) - [CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PROFILING](#CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGISTS_AND_PROFILING) - [TELEVISION CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS AND REALITY](#TELEVISION_CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGISTS_AND_REALITY) - [WHERE DO CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS FIND JOBS?](#WHERE_DO_CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGISTS_FIND_JOBS) - [WHAT CREDENTIALS ARE NEEDED TO BECOME A CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGIST?](#WHAT_CREDENTIALS_ARE_NEEDED_TO_BECOME_A_CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGIST) - [WHAT IS A CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS SALARY?](#WHAT_IS_A_CRIMINAL_PSYCHOLOGISTS_SALARY) - [SMART CAREER CHOICE?](#SMART_CAREER_CHOICE) - [WRAP UP](#WRAP_UP) ## **A CAREER AS A CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGIST** Want to be a Criminal psychologist? Wondering what they do, how much they get paid, and what type of training is required? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Many people are interested in this area of work as a career choice. As a career counselor and educator, I can’t tell you how many times students have come to me with questions about careers in criminal psychology. Their curiosity makes sense when one considers how the professionals who work in this field are represented on T.V. You know what I’m talking about, right? Programs like CSI, Law and Order, and Criminal Minds. At their core, criminal psychologists – sometimes called [forensic psychologists](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23025747) – study the traits, characteristics, and personalities of criminals. In other words, they pathologize people who break the law. ## WHAT DO CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS DO? You are probably wondering what criminal psychologists really do? The hard truth is much of their work is concerned with studying (and researching) the mindset and behaviors of people who commit crimes. In addition, they also meet with criminals to assess the likelihood of recidivism; a $10.00 term used to describe someone who may commit the same illegal act in the future. When acting in this capacity, criminal psychologists offer a “best guess” because there is no way to guarantee an individual will not re-offend in the future. ## CONSULTING CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS Be it working in private practice or for an agency, forensic psychologists often consult with law enforcement officials on cases. There are many ways this can happen. Examples include: - Pathologizing behavior to help create a profile of a criminal. - Provide expert testimony on legal cases in a court of law. They often testify on behalf of prosecutors but can also offer testimony for defendants. - Consulting with institutions of higher learning as subject matter experts on courses [related to psychology](https://guycounseling.com/organizational-management-degree/), criminal justice, law, and human personality. ## CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PROFILING The strongest area of interest most people have in this type of work relates to profiling. This is sometimes referred to as forensic profiling offender profiling. I won’t get into all the history here but what you need to know is “profiling” isn’t a new phenomenon. In fact, it’s been going on for nearly seventy-five years, dating back to the time of the 1940’s when J. Edger Hoover was head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). Think World War II, fighting the Nazi’s (including Adolph Hitler) and others aligned with the Axis Powers against the U.S. and other Allied Nations. Since that time, the field has largely expanded, turning into a true art form. Today, criminal psychologists are involved with more forms of profiling that you can shake a stick at. **Examples include:** - Profiling people who murder others - Offering a psychological mosaic of bank robbers - Creating a profile of persons or groups who engage in cybercrime. - Generating psychological backgrounds on persons who commit criminal sexual acts, including rape. - Building profiles of individuals who are involved with terrorism. Sometimes, a criminal psychologist will interview people who are already in jail to learn more about their motivations for committing a past crime. In turn, this allows the behavioral analyst to understand the mindset of someone breaking the law in the here and now. In addition, forensic psychologists study traits that are common among certain types of criminals. Examples include a suspect’s family history, relationships with others, use of [substances](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) and even child abuse. Much of this has to with pathologizing; something that is at times informed by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM). ## TELEVISION CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS AND REALITY So, if you become a criminal psychologist, can you expect your career to be like what you see on shows like *Criminal Minds* and *CSI?* Not to bum you out but the answer is – probably not. We know from a host of interviews given by professionals employed in the field that what is depicted on television and what happens in real life aren’t the same. ### T.V. vs. Reality - Most criminal psychologists don’t accompany officers when they arrest a suspect. - Solving a crime doesn’t happen quickly. It can take many months and often years before the fractional pieces of a case are put together. - A large majority of criminal psychologists aren’t employed with crime-fighting organizations, like the police or federal agencies. Instead, many work on a contract basis. None the less, the work itself is extremely interesting. Here are common activities forensic psychologists engage in on a regular basis: - Counseling criminals with the goal of helping them understand themselves and why they committed the crime. - Offering psychological services to victims of crime. - Studying Internet predators. - Consulting work to help catch online fraudsters or prevent cybercrimes. ## WHERE DO CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS FIND JOBS? There are many different places psychologists find jobs in the criminal justice field. Much depends on the person’s area of expertise. Examples include: - State and local agencies. - Federal agencies. - Independent contract work. - The military. - Private consulting. - Governmental training facilities. - Universities and colleges. - Consulting for movies, television shows, and books. ![criminal psychologist career options](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/police.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What it takes to be a criminal psychologist ## WHAT CREDENTIALS ARE NEEDED TO BECOME A CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGIST? You will read all sorts of information on the Internet about the required credentials to become a criminal psychologist. Some places will say you just need an undergraduate degree and others [suggest a masters](https://www.bls.gov/ooh/life-physical-and-social-science/psychologists.htm). Here’s the truth – if you want to have a career as a criminal psychologist, you will need to earn a doctorate in psychology. Examples include a Ph.D. (Doctor of Philosophy) or similar degree, like a Psy.D. (Doctor of Psychology). The best degrees to consider include: - Doctor of clinical psychology - Doctor of counseling psychology - Doctor of psychology with a specialty in criminal psych - Doctor of psychology with a specialty in forensic psych. The degree needs to be a from a regionally accredited school. It is best to choose a program that is also accredited by the American Psychological Association (APA) as well. You may be wondering why? It’s simple – to become a licensed psychologist and sit for the Examination for Professional Practice in Psychology (EPPP), most localities require an advanced degree from an APA accredited school. On the job front, there may be some exceptions. Some organizations may hire you if you have a masters or doctorate in psychology and hold a license in mental health. For example, some people become forensic counselors and offer services to people who are incarcerated or recently released from jail. Additionally, some governmental agencies will hire people who hold a doctorate in psychology or a closely related field and have a mental health license. The decision to do this, however, largely depends on the requirements of the job. But to use the title “psychologist”, the vast majority of locations require specific licensure in psychology. I’m just being real with you because you want to know the specifics, right? ![criminal psychologist salary](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/money-cash-dollars-bills.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What are criminal psychologists paid? ## WHAT IS A CRIMINAL PSYCHOLOGISTS SALARY? Salaries for criminal psychologists are all over the map so getting an exact amount is almost impossible. The best I can do is give you a range and qualify the numbers in the process. According to a 2009 survey published by the American Psychology Association, psychologists employed in the criminal justice arena earned (on average) around $80,000 a year. The top 25% earned north of $100,000. The bottom 25% earned around $65,000 or less. The problem with averages is they don’t really give you a good snapshot of what to expect. That’s because salaries are largely linked to: - Experience - Education - Area of expertise - Type of position - Location of job Additionally, a psychologist in private practice who works with patients while doing consulting work may make a lot more than the averages. Some clinical therapists who run their own counseling business can earn $150,000 – or more. Again, it just depends on the person, their experience, who they are offering services to and their background. ## SMART CAREER CHOICE? If you are looking for work in the field of psychology that is compelling, interesting, and fascinating, becoming a criminal psychologist might be a smart move. That said, it’s not the best choice for everyone. You need to ask yourself if you have the emotional and psychological fortitude to deal with hardened criminals, victims of various crimes (sometimes heinous), and extreme circumstances. Perhaps the best way to determine if this line of work is right for you is by speaking to someone already in the field. There are many ways to do this, including: - Identifying a criminal psychologist with your local law enforcement agency and reaching out. - Joining a criminal psychology group online. Suggestions include Linked In or Facebook. - Contacting a school or university that trains students to become employed in the field. ## WRAP UP Becoming a criminal psychologist doesn’t happen overnight. The process involves many years of school (undergraduate and then doctorate), plus licensure. Certifications in specialty areas may also be required. But when all is said and done, this can be a very rewarding area of work that pays extremely well. Your best bet is to think carefully about what you want out of your future. Remember, not everyone employed as a forensic psychologist works for a law enforcement agency. There are lots of options to consider. References: Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Department of Labor, Occupational Outlook Handbook Online – 2018. **Categories:** Career **Tags:** Career, Criminal Psychologist, Jobs, Psychology Jobs --- ### [10 Ways You Lose Muscle Mass and Ruin Gains](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) **Published:** August 30, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive man working out with resistance band](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/muscular-handsome-athletic-man-outside.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Experiencing muscle loss? Here’s some possible reasons why ](#Experiencing_muscle_loss_Heres_some_possible_reasons_why) - [1. You aren’t eating enough](#1_You_arent_eating_enough) - [2. Overtraining](#2_Overtraining) - [3. Not enough sleep](#3_Not_enough_sleep) - [4. Lack of focus and intensity](#4_Lack_of_focus_and_intensity) - [5. You don’t change your routine](#5_You_dont_change_your_routine) - [6. Not doing heavy, compound lifts](#6_Not_doing_heavy_compound_lifts) - [7. Eating processed foods](#7_Eating_processed_foods) - [8. Skipping workouts](#8_Skipping_workouts) - [9. Not factoring in your age](#9_Not_factoring_in_your_age) - [10. Not stretching](#10_Not_stretching) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## **Experiencing muscle loss? Here’s some possible reasons why**  Are you losing muscle mass? Despite your best efforts at the gym, does it seem like your gains are slipping away? Wondering why this might be happening? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The hard truth is that as we age, all of us experience some amount of muscle shrinkage. In the clinical sense, this is called [sarcopenia](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4066461/); a condition that robs you of \[muscle\] size and strength. Some of this is beyond your control as a function of the aging. But that doesn’t mean you should throw your hands in the air and say “screw it!”. That’s because muscle loss can also be caused by lifestyle factors – things that you are doing which work against the gains you’ve previously made. So, what are they? Because we know men who visit this site are interested in looking as good as possible for as long as possible, Guy Counseling spoke to several health experts about the topic of muscle loss. Check it out. ![body building nutrition faqs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/body-building-nutrition-faqs.jpg?resize=650%2C360&ssl=1)Are you eating enough? ## 1. You aren’t eating enough You probably knew this but it’s worth mentioning because of its importance. A lot of guys, hoping to increase lean muscle mass, falsely believe reducing caloric intake is the best approach. But that’s really a myth, according to Lindsey Mathews, a personal trainer and nutritionist with [IdealFit](https://www.idealfit.com/). “Your muscles need to be well fed in order to grow. If you are working out but withholding nutrients, you put yourself at risk for muscle loss.  It’s important to get enough high-quality protein, carbs, and fat to support lean muscle growth and maintenance.” Because you are lifting weights, your body requires those extra calories to grow and maintain. See this [FAQ on bodybuilding nutrition](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-nutrition-and-fat-10-faqs/) to learn more. ## 2. Overtraining Do you hit the gym for two hours a day? Are you lifting weights more than 5 days a week? If the answer is yes, you could be overtraining. Mathews says, “Some people get stuck in the mindset that more is always better when it comes to training. But the fact is, it’s possible to reach the point where your body can’t take that much working out and it will start to break down. Possible side effects of overtraining include fatigue, increased heart rate, a diminished immune system, and even a loss of muscle mass.” In severe cases, some people fall victim to a [condition called overtraining syndrome](https://guycounseling.com/overtraining-syndrome-8-signs-body-builders/). Be sure to review the eight signs of this phenomenon and check yourself to see if any apply to you. ![man sleeping couch](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/sleep-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Getting enough sleep? ## 3. Not enough sleep Getting the right amount of rest is imperative for muscle growth, particularly for bodybuilders. The problem is most of us don’t get the rest we need. Mathews offers the following insight. “When you work out, you break down your muscle fibers. During your post-workout recovery, they grow back a little bit stronger than before. A good portion of the recovery period takes place while you’re asleep though. And if you’re severely deprived of sleep, your muscles won’t be able to regrow as they should, and you run the risk of losing muscle mass,” says Mathews. So, how much sleep should you be getting each night? According to the National Sleep Foundation, most adults need between 7-9 hours. And did you know a lack of sleep can cause you to gain unwanted weight? It sure can. Read this [sleep loss and body fat post](https://guycounseling.com/missing-sleep-weight-gain-827/) to learn more. ## 4. Lack of focus and intensity When you are [doing concentration curls](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/), do you feel the burn in your biceps or are you simply going through the motions to complete the rep? At its core, we’re talking about working out mindfully. This means focusing on the exercise at hand and doing so with intensity. According to former NFL player and certified personal trainer, [Peter Koch](http://petekoch.com/), “Going through the motions rather than applying mental focus to each rep can work against you.” ![body building lifting weights at gum](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/body-building-advanced-training-techniques-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Using heavy weights for compound exercises? ## 5. You don’t change your routine If you are like a lot of guys, it doesn’t take long for you get comfortable with your gym routine. As a result, you keep repeating the same exercises week in and week out. Over time, this can cause mental boredom. But did you know that your muscles can also get bored – in a manner of speaking? Here, we are talking about your body not feeling challenged, which directly impacts intensity, muscle breakdown and the possibility of new growth. Koch suggests changing your strength training routine every eight weeks. “Try new exercises and consider switching things up.” ## 6. Not doing heavy, compound lifts Some guys will initially gain muscle after starting a strength training program, only to find those gains shrink away. A possible reason for this is not partaking in heavy, compound lifts that encourage growth hormones. According to Travis Barrett, a certified strength and conditioning specialist with [Evolution Athletics](http://evolutionathletics.net/), “Men should be regularly squatting, deadlifting, pushing and pulling in order to facilitate a large hormonal release of testosterone, growth hormone, and insulin-like growth factor 1 (IGF-1). They also need to consistently lift for heavy sets of 5 as well as incorporating necessary assistance exercises that have less than 60 second rest periods to really drive up growth hormone release.” ![attractive black man bicep](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/man-flexing.jpg?resize=624%2C370&ssl=1)What’s your diet like? ## 7. Eating processed foods When life is busy, it’s easy to grab whatever is available and scarf it down. Typically, this means processed foods. Here, we’re talking about frozen dinners, salty lunchmeats, and drive through burgers. The problem is these kinds of eats can work against you when trying to increase muscle size. “Most men are eating large amounts of processed foods that have little nutritional value and negatively impact hormonal levels which, negatively impact strength and muscle mass.” Most experts suggest the best approach is to eat as clean as possible. If you are looking for practical ways to introduce clean foods into your diet, designed specifically for bodybuilders, consider picking up a copy of the [Shredded Chef](https://amzn.to/2PQEZqA) by trainer Michael Matthews. ## 8. Skipping workouts Occasionally, missing the gym happens for all of us. That said, there is a difference between not being able to work out your legs because of travel and actively deciding to blow them off. If you’ve been involved with strength training for any amount of time, you already know how easy it is for one skip to lead to another until ultimately, that body part isn’t getting properly exercised. According to Dr. Michael Braccio with [Velocity Sports Rehab](https://www.velocitysportsrehab.com/), “If someone is skipping leg day, then eventually lower body muscle mass is going to decrease because of disuse.” So, the bottom line is this. Ask yourself if you consistently hit the gym. If the answer is no, maybe it’s time to charge up your [fitness motivation](https://guycounseling.com/10-gym-motivation-tips/)? ![man weight lifting outdoors preventing muscle loss](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-weightlifting-weights.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are your exercises age appropriate? ## 9. Not factoring in your age Are you in your mid-thirties and trying to do exercises like you were in your twenties? Past the age of forty and trying to lift barbells like you are thirty? If the answer is yes, you may be making the mistake of not working your muscles smarter and not harder. The truth is we start to lose muscle mass after the age of thirty. When you don’t match your approach to strength training to your age, you can end up (unintentionally) causing muscle shrinkage. “For many people, their muscle mass begins to drop after the age of 30, yet their exercise programs do not. Without addressing this change and adjusting fitness programs to maintain muscle mass by adding exercises that increase load or even add load for the first time, muscle mass will continue to drop while exercise frequency can stay the same or even increase,” says Elizabeth Robinson, certified personal trainer and founder of [Vit Fit](https://www.vitfit.com.au/). ## 10. Not stretching The final reason you may be losing muscle mass relates to not stretching and warming up. If you are like most guys, you probably check-in to your gym and start hitting the weights. But that would be a mistake, according to David Houchbaum, a Chicago personal trainer who specializes in helping bodybuilders gain mass. “Stretching and warmups help to get the blood flowing. This helps to feed muscles important nutrients that are important for muscle growth. It’s something a lot of people skip, and they really shouldn’t, Houchbaum says. Check out this article if you want to learn more about the [benefits of warming up](https://guycounseling.com/warm-ups-10-reasons-they-should-be-part-of-your-workout/). ## Bringing It All Together Muscle loss is inevitable as we age. But that doesn’t mean you should throw in the towel. Instead, do what you can to prevent and minimize shrinkage by considering the causes listed above. Finally, if you notice a sudden loss in body mass or muscle tone, it may speak to an underlying medical condition. Make an appointment with your doctor and get a physical. Thanks for stopping by. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, News **Tags:** bodybuilding, Muscle Loss, Strength Training --- ### [How to Answer Why You Want to Change Jobs Interview Questions](https://guycounseling.com/change-jobs-interview-questions/) **Published:** September 9, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![answering interview questions man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/job-interview-candidate-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [How to answer questions about why you want to change jobs](#How_to_answer_questions_about_why_you_want_to_change_jobs) - [What recruiters want to hear](#What_recruiters_want_to_hear) - [What recruiters don’t want to hear](#What_recruiters_dont_want_to_hear) - [The goal is to sell yourself](#The_goal_is_to_sell_yourself) - [1. You like the company](#1_You_like_the_company) - [2. You want to grow your skills](#2_You_want_to_grow_your_skills) - [3. You are looking for new challenges](#3_You_are_looking_for_new_challenges) - [4. Talk about using your skills in new ways](#4_Talk_about_using_your_skills_in_new_ways) - [5. Downsizing (when it’s public knowledge).](#5_Downsizing_when_its_public_knowledge) - [Bringing it all together](#Bringing_it_all_together) ## **How to answer questions about why you want to change jobs** Are you hunting for new work while currently employed? Have you been speaking to recruiters and human resources specialists within your field? Trying to figure out how to answer the question: “Why do you want to change jobs now?” If the answer is, you aren’t alone. One of the first things a hiring manager wants to know is why you want to leave your current place of employment. As a person who does a lot of [career counseling](https://guycounseling.com/new-hire-employee-tips/), I can tell you that the way you answer that question is critical. If you respond the right way, you’ll probably move on to the next stage of the interview process. But if you respond the wrong way, it could nix your chances for further consideration. That may sound ridiculous and perhaps over the top, but I’m just being real with you. This post is designed to help you come up with answers that will help you get through this question successfully. First, I’ll start off with a list of responses hiring managers want to hear. Then, we will look at things you want to avoid. Finally, I’ll offer you possibilities for how to reply during telephone screening sessions or face to face interviews. ## What recruiters want to hear - Changing jobs for career growth - Looking for new opportunities - To encounter new challenges - To learn new skills - To better apply skills - The expansion of your knowledge base - More responsibility ## What recruiters don’t want to hear - You have a poor performance record - You have attendance issues - Problems you have had getting along with others - You don’t like your job - You hate your boss - Your coworkers are jerks - Your current salary sucks ![interview answers changing jobs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/white-shirt-and-tie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Interviews mean selling yourself ## The goal is to sell yourself Here is what I tell clients. You need to think of your skills as commodities; valuable assets that you are willing to apply and share in a new environment. In other words, **you need to sell yourself**. But if you go in and rattle off a bunch of negative information in response to the question of why you want to switch jobs, you are putting a bad taste in the recruiter’s mouth. Pretend you are a manager trying to staff an open position. Would you want to hire someone who comes off as bitter? Are you going to really consider a job candidate that vibes out entitled? Is there a chance in hell you would move someone to the next stage of consideration if they seem like a troublemaker? I think you get my drift. To the extent possible, you want to paint a picture [that you are likable](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/), smart and valuable. There’s an old axiom that goes like this: *People buy from people they like*. When it comes to recruiting, interviewing, and hiring, the dynamics are no different. Now let’s examine 5 smart ways answer that question about why you want to change jobs. ## 1. You like the company If you tell the recruiter that you want to switch jobs because you like the company, you instantly communicate something positive. Obviously, you need to do some homework in advance and learn more about the organization in case you get follow up questions. Here are some possible responses: - “I’ve been impressed with the direction the company has been taking in the finance arena.” - “In talking to people I know in our industry, I’ve heard really positive things about the company from employees.” - “The new direction the CEO is taking is impressive. I’d like to be part of the organization’s growth.” - “The position seems to match my long-term career goals.” ## 2. You want to grow your skills When you tell a hiring manager you want to grow your existing skillsets, you are communicating you are a team player. Now the trick is doing this in a way that doesn’t disparage your current employer. There is one can be tricky, so you’ll really want to think about what works best for your situation. Possible ways to frame things include: - “The position you are recruiting for seems to align well with my skills. I’m hoping to apply my abilities in this job while learning new skills.” - “I really like to learn new things. Given my background and what you have shared about this position, I really believe this is an excellent opportunity for mutual growth.” - “You mentioned the company was starting to expand into Latin America. I would love more exposure to this segment of the world because so much of my background has been linked to European business.” - “The new CRM program the company is using sounds amazing. I’m confident I can learn this system quickly and apply that knowledge to the company’s goals for growth.” ## 3. You are looking for new challenges By communicating with a recruiter that you are looking for new challenges, you are sending the signal that you are eager to solve problems and bring about resolution. Obviously, you don’t want to say your current job is boring or mundane. That’s negative. But that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about wanting more stimulation or responsibilities. Here are a few ways you could answer: - “I’m a team player and enjoy working with groups. I love my current job but the opportunity for team projects doesn’t happen much.” - “In my current position, I manage a team of five. But I know I am capable of leading larger teams. This new position sounds like it would be a wonderful opportunity.” - “Implementing a new software system sounds exciting. But I also know that it can be challenging. I’d like to be part of making the rollout successful.” - “Currently, my sales territory is the in the government sector. I’d love to learn the ins and outs of new areas like education and finance. I’m a quick and motivated learner.” ## 4. Talk about using your skills in new ways Sometimes, the job you are seeking will not be an exact match for your background. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t apply. The trick is to talk about using the skills you already have in new ways. These are called *transferable skills*. Here are some ways to talk about this when asked, *why do you want to switch jobs?* - “I love people and providing solution-focused customer service. Joining your social media response team would allow me to apply my abilities in this area while learning about the new platform at the same time.” - “Most of my IT work has focused around network architecture. The position you are hiring for sounds like I could apply my abilities to the company’s network design initiative”. - “I’m fluent in Spanish and do a lot of work in Mexico. The job you are hiring for asks that the person is knowledgeable of Italian. Because both languages are similar – and with some work on my part – I know that I can be successful here.” - “The position mentioned the need for someone with python coding for web-based applications. I’ve got a lot of experience with python in data-analysis. I’m confident I can use those skills in the job you are staffing. ## 5. Downsizing (when it’s public knowledge). Has your company recently announced layoffs? Are they closing operations in your city? Have they merged with a new organization? If the answer is yes and the information is public, there’s nothing wrong with using this in response to the question about changing jobs. Example ways to respond include: - “You may have heard my company will be closing operations next year. I’m hoping to secure a new position now before those changes take place.” - “Our company recently merged with USA Widgets. Given the pending changes, I thought this would be a good opportunity to see where else I could apply my skills and contribute to a new team.” - “A few weeks ago, my company informed our department that our group was being eliminated as part of a merger. I’m hoping to find a new position before the permanent changes take place.” ## Bringing it all together The approaches mentioned above shouldn’t be thought of as cookie- cutter answers. Instead, think of them as springboards to be used for greater dialogue. Part of being successful in landing a new job is having smart, believable responses to interviewer questions. The overriding point is to come off as positive. Under no circumstances should you say something ugly about your current or past employer. From the hiring perspective, you’ve got to recognize that the decision to extend a job offer is always a risk. To the extent possible, you want to make yourself the least risky choice with the most amount of gain. If you are looking for more ways to make a good impression on job interviews, I highly recommend *Knock ’em Dead Job Interview: How to Turn Job Interviews Into Job Offers* ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2wY4RrY)). Authored by Martin Yates, this is an excellent resource to help you cast yourself in the best light possible. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with over the years who have directly benefited from this book. In closing, I will leave you with this. Recruiters like hiring people who are enthusiastic, positive, and motivated. Contextualize everything you have read here with these three traits in mind. I hope you found this page to be useful. Good luck with your job hunt. **Categories:** Career, Field Notes **Tags:** Careers, Hiring, Interview, Jobs, Recruiters --- ### [15 Accomplishments of Harry S. Truman](https://guycounseling.com/harry-truman-accomplishments/) **Published:** October 5, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![harry s truman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/harry-s-truman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Accomplishments of President Truman](#Accomplishments_of_President_Truman) - [Harry S. Truman Quick Facts](#Harry_S_Truman_Quick_Facts) - [1. Learned About Physical Work First](#1_Learned_About_Physical_Work_First) - [2. Married His Childhood Friend](#2_Married_His_Childhood_Friend) - [3. A True War Hero](#3_A_True_War_Hero) - [4. An Active Democrat](#4_An_Active_Democrat) - [5. County Judge](#5_County_Judge) - [6. U.S. Senator](#6_US_Senator) - [7. The Truman Committee](#7_The_Truman_Committee) - [8. Vice President](#8_Vice_President) - [9. 33rd President of the United States](#9_33rd_President_of_the_United_States) - [10. Hiroshima and Nagasaki](#10_Hiroshima_and_Nagasaki) - [11. VE Day](#11_VE_Day) - [12. The United Nations](#12_The_United_Nations) - [13. The Fair Deal](#13_The_Fair_Deal) - [14. The Truman Doctrine](#14_The_Truman_Doctrine) - [15. The Korean War](#15_The_Korean_War) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Accomplishments of President Truman I’ve always been fascinated with [Harry S. Truman](https://www.history.com/topics/us-presidents/harry-truman). Part of this interest stems from his life story. In every way that matters, Truman defied odds by going against the grain and sticking to his convictions. I’ve studied our nation’s 33rd Commander in Chief Plenty. Time and again, what emerges is a picture of courage, strength, and intelligence. As a counselor, I often hold out Truman as an example to clients of a leader who possessed a solid core. Not intimidated by others, he was beholden to no one. Moreover, when he made his mind up, there was no stopping him. And so that is what this post is all about – 15 major accomplishments of Harry S. Truman you might not now. I’ll start off with some basic biographical information and then walk you through the essentials. ## Harry S. Truman Quick Facts **Born:** May 8, 1884, LaMar, MO **Died:** December 26, 1972, Kansas City, MO **Zodiac Sign:** [Taurus Man](https://guycounseling.com/taurus-traits-and-personality-revealed/) **Height:** 5’8 **Eye Color:** [Super Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) **College:** Attended – Never graduated Harry S. Truman first stepped foot into the White House as Vice President to Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) in 1945. After just a few weeks as Vice President, Truman would step up as 33rd President of the United States after FDR died of a cerebral hemorrhage. Having only been in the White House for a brief time, it would be a daunting task that would either prove he was fit for the Presidency or completely not up to the demands. ## 1. Learned About Physical Work First Many former Presidents went to college right after high school. Many then became statesmen or went on to law school. Harry Truman grew up on a farm in Missouri and spent a full 12 years farming after high school. He tried law school in nearby Kansas City but never finished, instead, he continued farming and serving part time in the military before deciding to open a slew of unsuccessful businesses, including a men’s clothing store and a sewing supply shop. To date, he is one of the few Presidents who never finished college. ## 2. Married His Childhood Friend Elizabeth “Bess” Virginia Wallace had been a childhood friend to Truman. After school she went to a finishing school before returning to their home town of Independence, Missouri. It would be years until they married when Truman was 35 and Bess was 34. According to records, Bess didn’t enjoy being First Lady and tried to avoid being at the White House as much as possible. ## 3. A True War Hero Although he had considered going to West Point, his less than perfect eyesight would prevent him from getting accepted. As this was common for all branches of the military, he decided he’d memorize the letters on the eye chart so he could pass the test. **Related:** [Accomplishments of Teddy Roosevelt](https://guycounseling.com/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments/) Once passing, he then became a private of the Missouri National Guard, Battery “B” in 1905. Truman would eventually see battle during the First World War. Truman would end up serving for 37 years, leaving the military as a Colonel for the U.S. Army Officer’s Reserve Corps. ![harry s truman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/truman-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Harry Truman was from Missouri ## 4. An Active Democrat Harry’s father was an active Democrat and he passed this passion on to his son. During high school, Harry worked as a page for the 1900 Democratic National Convention held in Kansas City. Working around and getting to know these fellow Democrats would enable him to later get his first position in politics. ## 5. County Judge Harry Truman was elected Judge of Jackson County in Missouri’s Eastern District. He served from January 1, 1923 to January 1, 1925. It would then be another two years before he would serve as Presiding Judge of Jackson County from January 1, 1927 to January 1, 1935. During the two years in between his judgeships he sold automobile club memberships but decided that public service was a better choice for supporting his family. ## 6. U.S. Senator In 1934, Truman ran for US Senator for Missouri with overwhelming backing from his Jackson County constituents. He won by over 20 points in what many saw as being a result of the ongoing New Deal that had been implemented to respond to the many problems of the Great Depression. He would be reelected and would eventually serve as a Senator for 10 years, ending in 1945. ## 7. The Truman Committee During 1940 Truman toured many military bases and found an abundance of waste and profiteering. This led him to discuss what he saw with the Committee on Military Affairs which would lead to the creations of The Truman Committee. The Committee was designed to investigate abuses of federal funds as the country was gearing up for war. The Committee focused on wiping out fraud with wartime contracts the government had entered into. The Committee saved the government up to $15 billion dollars and secured Truman a spot on the cover of Time magazine. ## 8. Vice President There was much speculation that FDR wouldn’t live out his final run as President. His Vice President at the time was Henry Wallace, and although many people liked Wallace, some felt his views were just too far left and some of FDR’s advisors wanted him replaced. FDR suggested either William O. Douglas, the Supreme Court Justice or Truman. Everyone preferred Truman and his name was added to the ticket. The ticket of Roosevelt and Truman would win by a whopping 432-99 electoral vote. During January of 1945, Truman was sworn into office as Vice President. ## 9. 33rd President of the United States Truman had served as Vice President for only 82 days when FDR died. While the short time in office was bad enough for him to overcome obstacles, during his brief time in the White House FDR had been extremely busy and hadn’t briefed Truman on many important topics that were impacting the United States. He later talked to reporters about it, saying, “…I felt like the moon, the stars, and all the planets had fallen on me.” ## 10. Hiroshima and Nagasaki Truman hadn’t learned about the Manhattan Project during his short tenure as Vice President but would soon be up to date as he took over the Oval Office. Although the war in Europe had ended for the most part, the US was still fighting with Japan. Truman wanted to show Japan and the Soviet Union America’s power, which he felt justified dropping the first atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Over 200,000 Japanese military and civilians were killed and on September 2, 1945, Japan formally surrendered. This was considered a success as a more traditional fight would have meant US casualties. ## 11. VE Day Short for Victory in Europe Day, Truman was pleased to announce VE Day on May 8, 1945, marking the formal acceptance of the end of World War II on European soil. People around the globe celebrated the end of this devastating war. ## 12. The United Nations Although the alliance of the United Nations (UN) had been started several years before in an effort to overthrow the Axis Powers, Truman would see the United Nations truly come into place in October 1945. Over 50 countries met to sign the declaration to charter the UN in San Francisco, California. ![president truman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/truman-3.jpg?resize=601%2C322&ssl=1)President Truman ## 13. The Fair Deal Much like FDR’s New Deal, Truman wanted to lay out his own plan for progressing the country. His New Deal consisted of expanding the Social Security program, establishing a Fair Employment Practices Act, starting a full-employment program, and creating more public housing. ## 14. The Truman Doctrine The Truman Doctrine was designed to counter the expansion of the Soviet Union during the Cold War. This American foreign policy started on March 12, 1947 and was put in place largely to help Turkey and Greece from Russian guerrillas that were in their countries. The doctrine was also meant to help any country fighting Soviet Communism. ## 15. The Korean War The Korean War started in 1950 when the North Korean People’s Army passed the 38th parallel into what is now South Korea. Over 75,000 soldiers were sent to fight and Truman felt the US and the UN had an obligation to fight off the invaders and help the South Koreans, although they were being backed by the Soviets. **Related:** [Accomplishments of George Washington ](https://guycounseling.com/george-washington-accomplishments/) Within one-month, American troops were fighting what was seen as a force of global communism. The war wouldn’t end until 1953 with over 5 million lives lost. Truman truly understood the war and did just enough to not let the US be seen as wanting to engage either Russia or China, fending off what many thought could turn into World War III. He served as President of the United States from 1945-1953, at which time he decided not to run again. He returned to Independence, Missouri where he lived out his final days, dying on December 26, 1972 at the age of 88. ## Wrap Up In all the ways that matter, Truman was an amazing leader and man. None of his accomplishments would have been possible had it not been for the strength of his convictions. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0671869205&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671869205/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0671869205&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=9820c8c9bcb23068d0d72f4ebf2241c8)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0671869205) If you want to learn more about our nation’s 33rd Commander in Chief, I highly recommend a book called: *Truman* by David McCullough. It’s an excellent read and one that will hold your attention page after page. [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2RrBtnD). I hope you found this page on the accomplishments of Harry S. Truman to be useful. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** Harry Truman, U.S. Presidents --- ### [10 Best Hairstyles For Men To Get Your Rugged On](https://guycounseling.com/best-hairstyles-men-1120/) **Published:** November 20, 2018 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![best hairstyles for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/bearded-man.jpg?resize=634%2C478&ssl=1) ## Best hairstyles for men Are you looking for a fresh, sexy look to change things up a bit? Would you like to impress your lady with one of the best hairstyles for men this year? Look no further. When you opt for one of these ten most popular hairstyles for 2019, you’ll be well on the way to looking great, impressing your girl, and enjoying an exciting (and romantic) year ahead! Just in case one of these most popular styles is not hitting home, [check out the full list](https://trendyseekers.com/hairstyles-mens-haircuts/) of all 32 of the coolest hairstyles of the year. ### 1) Textured Spiky Hair with Temp Fade If you are into the crew cut look but still want to have an edgier style, sporting the textured spiky hair with temp fade will certainly do the trick. This hairstyle is super easy to maintain and will be sure to impress the ladies! ### 2) Taper Fade with Thick Comb Over If you love looking dapper and want a style to reflect it, the taper with thick comb over is exactly what you’re looking for. This is a classic style that’s been revamped for the modern world. Look out… here comes a man with a plan! ### 3) Crew Cut with High Fade and Full Beard The crew cut is always a safe, great looking style that suits most guys. Adding a bit of texture with some pomade, sporting a high fade, and growing out a great beard will take this cut to the next level. It’s time to upgrade to the *crew cut 2.0!* > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp-Ty1Zn9BR/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ### 4) Textured Top with Taper Fade and Beard Akin to the crew cut, the textured top with taper fade and beard is a nice in-between of the crew cut and the quiff. You can keep your hair a bit longer giving you room to give it the shape you prefer. You’ll be sure to stand out with this cut! ### 5) Comb Over with Part and Taper Fade Another one of the dapper styles, sporting a comb over with side part and taper fade will be your unfair advantage at work and at play. Put on a tailored collared shirt and sport jacket and your off to style town. Smile… you’re probably on camera! ### 6) Man Bun with Beard This is a style that you either love or hate. If you love this style, however, you will be a force to be reckoned with. It will require some patience to grow out the hair and beard, but it’s worth it for the end result. Respect the bun, bro. ### 7) High Skin Fade with Quiff and Beard The great thing about a quiff is that it does what you want it to do. It’s a messier style, so if you like the ‘just rolled out of bed’ kind of look, you’ll love this. Adding the high skin fade and beard makes this cut soar! Fly high, friend. ### 8) Undercut with Textured Top and Beard For a bit of an edgy look that still says you mean business, look no further than the undercut with textured top and beard. You can have a lot of fun getting this style to look the way you want it to—fun reflected by your girls’ smiling (blushing) face. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnq3W-LAvex/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ### 9) Textured Spiky Hair with Temp Fade Not many styles communicate your inner rebel better than this one. Having textured spiky hair with a temp fade will be sure to impress both you and your other half. Let it all loose and enjoy the wind through your textured spikes! ### 10) Messy Side Swept Hair with Short Sides and Beard If you are looking to really impress your boss, your girlfriend, and your peers, this puppy-eyed style is a home-run. This style only works if you have the hair for it though. It’s time to impress everyone with your enviable hair! ### Maintenance Tools & Tips – Be Sure To Impress! So, now that you have a good idea about what style you are going for, make sure you have everything you need to keep it looking good once you leave the barber. With just a few tools and styling tips you’ll be sure to impress! ### **Get the Right Tools** You’re in for a treat if you have the right tools on hand. It only takes a small investment on your part to make sure you have everything you need to look great every day. This is doubly true if you sport facial hair along with your chosen hairstyle. Make sure to have at least these basics in your kit: - Shaving kit bag - Natural shampoo & conditioner - Brush - Comb (various tooth widths depending on style) - A high-quality cordless trimmer - Beard scissors - Beard comb - [Beard grooming kit](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-beard-kit-review-1013/) - Beard oil - Essential oil (for an additional natural non-toxic fragrance for hair) ### **![barbershop haircut](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/barbershop-haircut.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Get the Right Style** When it comes to the styling of your new haircut, simple is best. Do not try to overwork your hair to get it looking the way you want it to. This not only potentially damages your hair, but it doesn’t let your hair reveal the full extent of the style by itself. The barber shapes everything for you. All you have to do is a fresh wash, add a bit of product, and gently comb (or brush) in place. Let it dry naturally (or blow dry if you prefer) once it’s all in place. **Related:** [Get rid of grey hair for men](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/) If you do everything properly, you’ll have a style that will last all day and still look great tonight! If you want to add a couple drops of essential oil to your hair before the pomade you’ll have great smelling, healthy looking hair that is sure to impress the ladies. Remember, the right essential oils are good for all kinds of things (including libido). Choose the right ones for the right occasions and you’ll be setting the stage for a great time! ### Final Thoughts – Look Your Best There you have it! You now have all the basic ingredients to make a stylistic impression! You are now ready to sport one of the best hairstyles for men this year, and do so in confidence. Hold your head high and walk the road as a great looking guy this year—the girlfriend will surely be impressed! **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Beard. Men, Hair, Hair Styles --- ### [10 Ways Energy Healing Helps Reduce Anxiety and Pain](https://guycounseling.com/energy-healing-benefits/) **Published:** May 5, 2019 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![energy healing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/energy-healing.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Energy healing – a closer look Table of Contents Toggle - [Energy Healing – A Closer Look](#Energy_Healing_%E2%80%93_A_Closer_Look) - [What Is Energy Psychology?](#What_Is_Energy_Psychology) - [Energy Healing Is Based On Scientific Principles](#Energy_Healing_Is_Based_On_Scientific_Principles) - [Energy Healing: How it Calms and Lessens Anxiety](#Energy_Healing_How_it_Calms_and_Lessens_Anxiety) - [1. Lessen the intensity of panic](#1_Lessen_the_intensity_of_panic) - [2. Ameliorate pain](#2_Ameliorate_pain) - [3. Lessen ritualistic behaviors](#3_Lessen_ritualistic_behaviors) - [4. Coping with phobias](#4_Coping_with_phobias) - [5. Coping with social anxiety](#5_Coping_with_social_anxiety) - [6. Working through PTSD](#6_Working_through_PTSD) - [7. Lessening symptoms of IBS](#7_Lessening_symptoms_of_IBS) - [8. Building inner-confidence](#8_Building_inner-confidence) - [9. Stop nervous eating](#9_Stop_nervous_eating) - [10. Creating a more peaceful life](#10_Creating_a_more_peaceful_life) - [How To Find An Energy Healer](#How_To_Find_An_Energy_Healer) - [Common Energy Healing Myths](#Common_Energy_Healing_Myths) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Energy Healing – A Closer Look Energy healing – it’s a term that carries a certain “woo-woo” factor. I know the first time I heard someone identify themselves in this way, I was skeptical. Perhaps you’ve had a similar reaction? Part of the reason why relates to how some people hold themselves out to the public as having supernatural powers, used to cure all sorts of ailments. That’s unfortunate because, in the legitimate sense, energy healing has been around for thousands of years. Moreover, it has been used to help many people with various life challenges, including anxiety, pain, fear, and worry. When you break it all down to its basic core, energy healing is nothing more than a form of **energy psychology**; an approach to wellness that is supported by some [clinical evidence](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-07317-008). ## What Is Energy Psychology? Energy psychology uses narrative imagery to encourage the conscious and subconscious mind to reduce hyperarousal. Adapted from non-western cultures, energy healing seeks to encourage mind-body wellness. Holistic in nature, energy healing stirs your body’s many energy systems to promote greater flow and remove blockages. Once accomplished, your body’s natural ability to create homeostasis is empowered, thereby stimulating healing. An example of energy psychology is tapping, also known as the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). Using this approach, specific energy points (meridians) on the body are tapped to reduce anxiety and stress-related symptoms. To learn more, see this study in the [Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease](https://journals.lww.com/jonmd/Abstract/2012/10000/The_Effect_of_Emotional_Freedom_Techniques_on.12.aspx) (Dawson, Yount, & Brooks, 2012). ## Energy Healing Is Based On Scientific Principles When you experience energy healing, you are leaning into the basic principles of science. You may recall from high school science classes that all matter, including you, is made up of tiny particles called atoms. At all times, these particles fluctuate and “vibe out” a specific frequency. If you’ve never seen an atom before, I encourage you to watch this [video on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqLlgIaz1L0) for a visual example. The idea behind energy psychology is to help create energy balance and greater frequency attunement. On a baser level, this makes intrinsic sense. Have you ever been in the presence of someone whose energy turned you off, making you want to leave? Conversely, have you ever been near someone who had magnetic qualities? If the answer is yes, you unknowingly tapped into their energy field; an invisible aura that surrounds all living matter. It’s that simple. The critical thing to bear in mind is that **everything holds energy, including your thoughts**. ## Energy Healing: How it Calms and Lessens Anxiety The main reason you arrived on this page is to learn how energy psychology (which I am using interchangeably with energy healing) can help to ameliorate anxiety and reduce stress. My hope in penning this piece is to dispel common myths and increase insight. In all that follows, keep in mind that energy healing is most effective when combined with traditional treatment approaches, such as modern medicine and scientifically backed forms of talk-therapy, such as CBT. In this way, energy healing should be thought of as an adjunct to these therapies and not a stand-alone approach. Let’s look at the 10 ways energy healing may help with anxiety and pain. ![Energy psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/tapping-emotional-freedom-technique-woods.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Energy psychology ## 1. Lessen the intensity of panic If you struggle with panic as part of a panic disorder, energy psychology may help to reduce feelings of dread and minimize the associated triggers. This happens by: - Teaching you how to calm yourself through mindfulness. - Assisting you in creating new ways of thinking about problems. - Grounding you in the here and now during moments of fear while centering you in the present. ## 2. Ameliorate pain If you live with different forms of pain, energy healing may help to reduce symptoms. A 2011 [study](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1049909111420859) appearing in the American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care revealed Reiki significantly lowered the intensity of pain for participants (Birocco, Guillame, & Storto, 2011). This may happen by: - Infusing touch therapy onto areas of pain. - Offering a safe place to discharge negative energy safely. - Teaching you a coping tool for intense moments of pain. ## 3. Lessen ritualistic behaviors Behaviors that become ritualistic and are compulsive in nature can sometimes fall under the [category of OCD](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-ocd-every-day/). Through the Emotional Freedom Technique \[[EFT](https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/emotional-freedom-technique)\], also known as tapping, you may be able to reduce ritualistic behaviors. This can happen by: - Learning a new skill to cope with intrusive thoughts. - Teaching you how to observe thoughts rather than act on them. - Guiding you through breathing techniques that lower the need to carry out a compulsion. ## 4. Coping with phobias Some people experience a strong fear response to specific objects, activities, or things. As a result, panic can occur that can be paralyzing in nature. An example might be having a phobic response to a large dog or becoming enveloped with [fear while visiting the dentist](https://guycounseling.com/fear-of-dentist-8-tips/). According to a 2010 study published in the peer-reviewed journal [Research in Gerontological Nursing](https://www.healio.com/nursing/journals/rgn/2010-7-3-3/%7B31e86e66-25b8-4ae8-ace6-c759c9d535fb%7D/effects-of-reiki-on-anxiety-depression-pain-and-physiological-factors-in-community-dwelling-older-adults), partaking in Reiki may help with some forms of anxiety (Richeson, Spross, Lutz, & Peng, 2010). This may happen by: - Reducing your phobic response through mental exposure therapy that is paired with tapping. - Helping you to develop breathing strategies as a tool for working through panic. - Teaching you meditation skills so that thoughts about a feared object become less intense. ![social anxiety energy psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/nature-woods-path-bridge.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)May help with social anxiety ## 5. Coping with social anxiety People who struggle with social anxiety often experience intense fears around social situations or when they are expected to perform in front of a group. An example might be walking through a crowded street fair or giving a presentation to colleagues. Energy healing might help by: - Teaching you breathing skills that can be employed at the onset of panic. - Becoming paired with traditional components of [acceptance and commitment therapy](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) to lessen the intensity of fear. - Helping you to de-couple negative thoughts connected to a phobic object. ## 6. Working through PTSD Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ([PTSD](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd.shtml)) is a serious mental health concern that affects millions of people each year. Survivors of abuse, military veterans, and persons involved with life threatening situations often experience crippling symptoms as a result. Energy healing may help by: - Remediating symptoms of PTSD for suffers and their significant others ([see research](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1550830713003029)). - Helping you to reframe a traumatic event through Thought Field Therapy (TAT). - Assisting you with de-intensifying intrusive thoughts. ## 7. Lessening symptoms of IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) is a gastrointestinal disorder that affects the large intestine. Suffers often experience symptoms of cramping, diarrhea, bloating, and gas. Energy healing, a complementary alternative medicine, may help to ameliorate IBS flare-ups  and reduce symptoms according to some [scientific research](https://www.nature.com/articles/ncpgasthep1257) (Kearney & Brown-Chang, 2008). This is accomplished by: - Helping you to develop mindful strategies for remaining calm. - Employing touch therapy as a therapeutic calming tool. - Assisting you by de-intensifying stressful thoughts. ## 8. Building inner-confidence Research has shown that a lack of self-esteem can be a contributing factor for certain forms of anxiety. Energy psychology may help you to [become more confident](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) and less anxious. This is accomplished by: - Encouraging you to repeat self-affirmations designed to boost self-concept. - Guiding you to establish healthy self-care rituals designed to increase self-worth. - Creating healthier thoughts about your special place in humanity and encouraging [self-compassion](https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/). ## 9. Stop nervous eating A lot of people gravitate towards food when they are nervous or anxious. As a result, they gain unwanted pounds. Through energy healing, you may find it possible to change your relationship with food. This is accomplished by: - Helping you to visualize food as a source of sustenance instead of a coping tool for stress. - Reinforcing healthier food choices. - Providing you a powerful coping tool when confronted with cravings for foods that are difficult to bypass. See this [tapping video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L92oOPJlfyg&t=435s) to learn more. ## 10. Creating a more peaceful life The final way energy healing may help you with anxiety and pain is by helping you to create a calmer life. Through tapping, meditation, touch therapy, and mindfulness, cleansing and healing your [root chakras](https://guycounseling.com/root-chakra-affirmations/) is possible. This can happen by: - Introducing you to new, mindfulness-based skills that are designed to reduce stress. - Being combined with other approaches to wellness, such as meditation and [hypnotherapy to reduce anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/). - Helping you to feel a sense of empowerment over your life situation. ## How To Find An Energy Healer If your goal is to learn energy healing techniques, working with a reiki master may work just fine. You can also buy books on the topic. One of my favorites is *Energy Medicine* by Tarcher ([see Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2DPSH94)). However, if you are seeking treatment for a mental health issue or medical problem, you should look for a licensed professional with training in energy psychology. Some clinicians hold certifications in this area from places like the [Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology](https://www.energypsych.org/page/CEPCertProgram). ## Common Energy Healing Myths Sadly, there are a number of myths associated with energy healing, thanks to online charlatans and inaccurate representations on television and in films. Below, I’ve outlined some of the major fallacies. Do any of these sound familiar? - Only shaman can practice energy healing - The best energy healers are [Pisces men](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/). - Crystals must be used with energy healing. - Energy psychology hasn’t been clinically researched. - It’s not possible to combine energy healing with western medicine. - Only wise “old souls” can practice energy healing. - One must first [experience spiritual healing](https://guycounseling.com/spiritual-guidance/) before partaking in any forms of energy psychology. ## ![10 energy healing benefits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/energy-psychology-benefits.jpg?resize=603%2C905&ssl=1)Wrap Up I encourage you to learn all that you can about mindfulness- based approaches to wellness, including what’s been described above. A basic tenet of energy healing is that every living creature in the universe has a unique vibration. Through attunement, it is possible to create inner-peace and healthier living. But to receive the benefits of energy healing, you must have an open mind. **References** Birocco, N., Guillame, C., & Storto, S. (2011). The Effects of Reiki Therapy on Pain and Anxiety in Patients Attending a Day Oncology and Infusion Services Unit. *American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care*, 290-294. Dawson, C., Yount, G., & Brooks, A. (2012). The Effect of Emotional Freedom Techniques on Stress Biochemistry: A Randomized Controlled Trial. *The journal of nervous and mental disease*. Kearney, D., & Brown-Chang, J. (2008). Complementary and alternative medicine for IBS in adults: mind–body interventions. *Nature Clinical Practice Gastroenterology & Hepatology*, 624-636. Richeson, N., Spross, J., Lutz, K., & Peng, C. (2010). Effects of Reiki on Anxiety, Depression, Pain, and Physiological Factors in Community-Dwelling Older Adults. *Research in Gerontological Nursing*, 187-199. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Energy Healing, Energy Psychology, Mental Health --- ### [10 Steps For Cheating Husbands To Heal Their Marriage](https://guycounseling.com/cheating-husband-healing/) **Published:** April 13, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cheating husband and healing a marriage](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/cheating-husband-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are you a husband who cheated? Table of Contents Toggle - [If you are a cheating husband, here’s how to forgive yourself and heal your marriage](#If_you_are_a_cheating_husband_heres_how_to_forgive_yourself_and_heal_your_marriage) - [Why Husbands Cheat](#Why_Husbands_Cheat) - [Cheating Husbands and Self-Forgiveness](#Cheating_Husbands_and_Self-Forgiveness) - [1. Own Your Cheating](#1_Own_Your_Cheating) - [Owning your cheating suggestions](#Owning_your_cheating_suggestions) - [2. Avoid Graphic Details](#2_Avoid_Graphic_Details) - [Tips for talking about infidelity](#Tips_for_talking_about_infidelity) - [3. Stop Calling Yourself Names](#3_Stop_Calling_Yourself_Names) - [How to stop playing the negative tape](#How_to_stop_playing_the_negative_tape) - [4. Listen With Intent](#4_Listen_With_Intent) - [Suggestions for listing with intent](#Suggestions_for_listing_with_intent) - [5. Focus On Self-Compassion](#5_Focus_On_Self-Compassion) - [Suggestions for practicing self-compassion](#Suggestions_for_practicing_self-compassion) - [6. Skip Self-Punishment](#6_Skip_Self-Punishment) - [Suggestions for stopping self-punishment](#Suggestions_for_stopping_self-punishment) - [7. Lean Into Self-Care](#7_Lean_Into_Self-Care) - [Suggestions for self-care](#Suggestions_for_self-care) - [8. Focus On What Questions](#8_Focus_On_What_Questions) - [Suggestions for what questions](#Suggestions_for_what_questions) - [9. Ditch The Learned Helplessness](#9_Ditch_The_Learned_Helplessness) - [Suggestions for stopping learned helplessness](#Suggestions_for_stopping_learned_helplessness) - [10. Ask For Forgiveness Without Expectations](#10_Ask_For_Forgiveness_Without_Expectations) - [Suggestions when asking for forgiveness](#Suggestions_when_asking_for_forgiveness) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## If you are a cheating husband, here’s how to forgive yourself and heal your marriage Do you need to forgive yourself for being a cheating husband? Feeling guilty because you stepped out on your wife or girlfriend? Were you involved in an extramarital affair at work? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. As a therapist who specializes in men’s issues, I can’t tell you how many times a male client has walked into my office and shared a personal story of infidelity. In almost all these cases, the men have felt horribly guilty about their actions. I’ve watched them cry. I’ve seen the effects of their guilt – and I’ve seen how they’ve let their mistakes eat them alive. It’s not a pretty sight. ## Why Husbands Cheat Sometimes it was a random thing where the guy gave into poor impulse control. Other times, the situation was more insidious and part of a larger [emotional affair at the workplace](https://guycounseling.com/extramarital-affair-advice-1124/). Finally, there are the guys who can be classified as serial cheaters; men who step out on their wives compulsively because of deep psychological issues. Regardless of which scenario applies to your situation or the specific causal reasons, we know that approximately 20% of husbands cheat, according to the [U.S. General Social Survey](https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america) (Wang, 2018). But this post isn’t about the “why” of cheating. Goodness knows there are plenty of blog posts about that on the web. ## Cheating Husbands and Self-Forgiveness Instead, I’m going to focus on how to forgive yourself for **being a cheating husband**. And let me be clear before diving too deep. The purpose of this post isn’t designed to act as a “get out of jail free card” or a permission slip for infidelity. Instead, my intent is to help you move about the business of healing so that you when you work on your marriage problems, you have a clear head. I’ll tell you what I say to my clients – **you cannot give what you do not possess**. In other words, you need to look inward to find the answers about what happened. To help you with the process, I’ve talked to several relationship experts for guidance. My hope in passing along their thoughts, along with my experience as a counselor, is to provide you a basis to begin the path of healing. ![man who cheated on wife looks out window](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/man-window-reflecting-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Own your cheating ways ## 1. Own Your Cheating Earlier, I mentioned that you cannot give what you do not possess. In this context, this means being honest with yourself about the act (or acts) of infidelity that took place. This doesn’t mean beating yourself up and telling yourself you are the worst SOB on the planet. You aren’t. But it does mean that you shouldn’t whitewash all that happened to minimize the truth. ### Owning your cheating suggestions - Be brutally honest with yourself about your actions. - Don’t blame someone else for your shit. - Avoid focusing on *why* you cheated and simply acknowledge to yourself that it happened (more on this point later). ## 2. Avoid Graphic Details At some point, your spouse may want to know about the specifics of what happened. [Melody Li](https://melodyli.com/), a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Austin, Texas I spoke to suggests the following: “Avoid sharing highly sensitive, graphic details that can stick in the injured partner’s mind.  It’s normal for the injured partner to want to know the details and the extent of the betrayal. However, going too far into the specifics can cause the injured partner to experience PTSD-like symptoms later on,” says Li. ### Tips for talking about infidelity - Stick to the details about what happened from point one. - You don’t have to get into the minutia. Instead, focus on the big picture. - Realize that you are human and not Superman, meaning that all of us are vulnerable to infidelity at some point in life. ## 3. Stop Calling Yourself Names If you are beating yourself up for cheating, you need to **stop doing this right now**. Here is why – the more you engage in negative self-talk, the less likely you are to forgive yourself. When you think about it, doesn’t this make sense? **How can you exercise self-forgiveness if you keep telling yourself that you aren’t worthy of it?** ### How to stop playing the negative tape - When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What would it be like if I forgave myself?” - Realize that other people have cheated, including folks who report being in happy relationships. See this post on [cheating and dating apps](https://guycounseling.com/cheating-tinder-920/) to learn more. - Consider talking to a trusted friend about your feelings. Not only will this help you heal, but it’ll also encourage a powerful phenomenon known as [catharsis](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-catharsis-2794968). ## 4. Listen With Intent Coming clean to your spouse about cheating is a difficult task. But if you are ever to forgive yourself, it eventually needs to happen. When the time arrives, it is critical that you “listen with intent,” according to marriage and family therapist, [Jacob Kountz](https://www.kernwellnesscounseling.com/) in California. “Allow your partner to express what’s going on through their head. For example, they may say: ‘I can’t believe you did that, how could you do that to us!’ It’s very easy to become frustrated with yourself when hearing this, but the goal here isn’t to focus on what’s going on in your head. \[Instead\] the focus needs to be letting your partner express they’ve been hurt,” suggests Kountz. ### Suggestions for listing with intent - Use [active listening skills](https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening/), meaning you occasionally reflect back what your partner is saying. - Use “I” statements to help reinforce ownership of your actions (but avoid putting yourself down). - Validate what your spouse is feeling and don’t minimize anything. Otherwise, you’ll make matters worse by playing the blame game. ![man reflecting after cheating on his girlfriend](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-reflecting.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)You can’t expect forgiveness unless you forgive yourself first ## 5. Focus On Self-Compassion One of the most helpful things you can do in the wake of cheating is to practice self-compassion. While the term may sound “touchy-feely”, it’s different than what you might think. Self-compassion is your ability to **look inward and outward** and recognize others have gone through a similar experience. Translation: You aren’t the only man who has cheated on their wife. By developing a more balanced thought process about your actions, you encourage healing by making healthier choices in the future. ### Suggestions for practicing self-compassion - Don’t confuse [self-compassion with self-pity](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/09/self-pity-self-compassion-differ/). - Study situations where others have cheated and worked through the process to become stronger. - Be open to [receiving spiritual guidance](https://guycounseling.com/spiritual-guidance/) as a pathway to personal insight. ## 6. Skip Self-Punishment One of the things I’ve seen a lot of men do is punish themselves in the immediate aftermath of cheating. In fact, I had a client once who felt so bad about cheating on his wife that he was seriously considering taking a butcher knife to his penis. Thankfully, he didn’t. But my point in sharing this is to merely say that guilt and shame about infidelity can cause some men to do drastic things. Examples include swearing off sex entirely or avoiding masturbation. If any of this describes your situation, **please stop right now**. Not only are you doing yourself great harm, but you’re also making your things worse. **Do you really want to be carrying all that pent-up energy?** Ask yourself what negative consequences might come about if you continue this behavior? ### Suggestions for stopping self-punishment - Permit yourself to enjoy the things in life that have typically brought you joy. - Consider talking to a therapist as a way of sharing your feelings. - Repeat affirmations to yourself that pull you out of the past and [allow you to live in the present](https://guycounseling.com/live-present-moment/). ## 7. Lean Into Self-Care An active, tangible, and meaningful way to forgive yourself of infidelity is to practice self-care. Here’s what Dr. [Matt Buckley](https://www.waldenu.edu/about/colleges-schools/college-of-social-and-behavioral-sciences) told me. He’s a senior faculty member at Walden University and teaches courses in the school’s counseling and human services program: “Learning to be sensitive to our own needs will help us be sensitive to the needs of those who depend on us.” One of the big reasons people cheat is because they feel the need to be validated either physically or emotionally. By practicing self-care, you not only heal your hurts but also nurture parts of yourself that may feel abandoned. It also makes you more available to your spouse. ### Suggestions for self-care - Develop a routine that includes regular exercise or physical activity. - Spend time outdoors and allow mother nature to lift your mood. See this post on the [benefits of nature therapy](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/) to learn more. - Create a personal skincare ritual. Check out this post on developing a [men’s simple skincare routine for pointers](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). ![attractive black man self-care after cheating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Self-care is critical ## 8. Focus On What Questions There’s no way to truly forgive yourself unless you are open to learning from your mistakes. As a cognitive therapist, I am not one to encourage people focusing on the “why” questions. **That’s because the “why” behind infidelity isn’t nearly as important as the “what”.** Examples: *What was I feeling at the time I cheated*. *What are some different ways can I get my needs met in the future? What role did alcohol play in impairing my judgment?* My friend – **what questions** are your friend. They’ll help you to see things as they are and avoid abstract thinking. ### Suggestions for what questions - Ask yourself **what I have learned about myself** in the context of cheating? - Look inward and ask **what have I learned about my marriage?** - Reflect on **what can I control in the future,** so I’m not tempted to cheat? ## 9. Ditch The Learned Helplessness Because this post is aimed towards men (but applicable to anyone), I feel very comfortable being super direct in saying the following: **Ditch learned helplessness**. Here’s a quick and dirty definition of what that means. Learned helplessness is when you use a mistake from the past as an excuse for not creating change. An example is buying into the myth, “I’ve already cheated, so that means I’m always going to cheat. What’s the point in trying to save my marriage?” See how that works? And let me tell you bud, that kind of shitty thinking is one of the [top ten ways men kill their self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/). If your goal is to forgive yourself, you’ve got to stop being a prisoner of your thoughts. Otherwise, you’ll become stuck in a morass of sadness, locking yourself into a never-ending cycle of personal disappointment. ### Suggestions for stopping learned helplessness - Repeat to yourself: “My mistakes do not define me”. - Look in the mirror and say, “I am a good person and am not the man I was yesterday.” - Meditate in silence and repeat the affirmation, “I forgive myself for my mistakes.” ## 10. Ask For Forgiveness Without Expectations One of the questions we get a lot around the blog is “[Should I tell my partner I cheated](https://guycounseling.com/cheated-girlfriend-confession/)?” Speaking only for myself and as a counselor, I personally think it is critical to be open and honest about acts of infidelity. Here’s what I know – **eventually the truth comes out**. And let me tell you when “it” hits the fan, it’s almost always in an unplanned and ugly way. Given that the focus of this post is on forgiving yourself for being a husband who cheated, all I can do is suggest that you confess and ask for forgiveness. That said, recognize there is a distinct possibility your spouse might not forgive you – at least not right away. The key thing to keep in mind, however, is that you are asking for forgiveness to **heal both of you**. Dr. Kia James, a licensed psychotherapist and a contributor to [Relationship Boosters](http://therelationshipboosters.com/), shared the following with me. “When you share this information, make sure you take full responsibility for your behavior.” That is the crucial part – taking responsibility. By doing this, you lessen the need to be forgiven and instead, replace it with your own ability to forgive yourself. It would be great if your spouse instantly offers forgiveness. But let’s be real – when you admit to cheating, you become about as popular as a porcupine in a balloon factory. In my experience, expect to be in the doghouse for a long time. You may hear something elsewhere and wish something different, but I’m just telling you like it is. You came here for the real deal, right? In the final analysis, however, asking for forgiveness is part of the healing process. Not only is it essential for your marriage to survive, but it’s also gravely important to your mental health. And if you are thinking of drinking your guilt away, think again. Read [this post on how alcohol makes depression worse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/). ### Suggestions when asking for forgiveness - If you say you are sorry, mean it. Don’t reach for words that you think your wife wants to hear. Instead, speak about your remorse from the heart. - Be open to marriage counseling. Don’t fool yourself into thinking “I can handle my relationship issues on my own.” **That’s BS talk**. Your spouse may need deeper insight than you might be able to offer. Your presence in that counseling office is critical to moving past what happened. - Remember that **forgiveness is a journey** and not something that happens instantaneously. The best way to gain forgiveness isn’t by what you say but instead, what you do. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00APGI85I&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B00APGI85I/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00APGI85I&linkCode=am2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=f9d4b368a40fa7b1b7a2c823c7102920)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00APGI85I) ## Bringing It All Together I recognize that right now, you are probably going through one of the most painful things in your life. You’ve deeply hurt someone you love deeply and fear losing everything you hold dear. You need to know that I get it. That you came here looking for answers says a lot about you as a man. Honestly, I wish more guys would do this type of thing because it would help them [increase their self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). Hopefully, the suggestions and insight I’ve shared here will help you move about the business of forgiving yourself and healing your marriage. Thanks for stopping by. **References** Wang, W. (2018, January 10). *Who cheats more? The demographics of cheating in America*. Retrieved from Institute for Family Studies: https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america Photo Credits: Deposit Photos **Categories:** News, Relationships **Tags:** Cheat, Cheating, Infidelity, Marriage --- ### [AMBI Fade Cream – Does It Really Work?](https://guycounseling.com/ambi-fade-cream-review-1120/) **Published:** November 20, 2018 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![spot fade cream freckles ambi](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/man-face-botox.jpg?resize=796%2C530&ssl=1) ## Review of AMBI Fade Cream AMBI fade cream for dark spots – does this product really work? That is what I wanted to know because I happen to be someone who struggles with skin issues. Because I have light skin, I’m prone to dark spots, even though I avoid spending a lot of time in the sun. While I can’t be sure, I think part of it is because of my Irish background. Ask anyone of this decent and they’ll tell you [freckles](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1365-2133.2005.06797.x) are common. Hoping to get rid of these unsightly skin markings, I started looking around for non-surgical options. That’s when a friend of mine told me about a product called AMBI fade cream. The product is manufactured by Bausch Health, which was formerly known as Valeant Pharmaceuticals. In my case, I purchased a 2oz tube of the cream for normal skin online at [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2S1b8Mo). That said, the product can also be found at most large retail pharmacies and grocery stores. So, you probably want to know if AMBI fade cream really works? All I can tell you is that I’ve been using this product for the last three months and in that time, I’ve been very pleased. AMBI contains one essential ingredient that helps to fade sun spots. Specifically, Hydroquinone (2%). It also contains a sunscreen, Octinoxate (2%), which I think is added to help prevent the expansion of an existing sunspot, but I could be wrong. **Related**: [Best fade creams for brown spots](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) At any rate, I have used the AMBI cream as directed; twice a day, 7-days a week. The areas that I used the cream on include my cheeks and the sides of my eyes. In addition, I also applied to several dark spots on my shoulders. ![non-comedogenic products](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/non-comedogenic.jpg?resize=650%2C381&ssl=1) Nobody told me to do this but, in my case, I put a tiny amount on a Q-Tip and dotted these areas. After, I used my index finger to rub the cream in. The reason I used the Q-Tip was that it made targeting the spots a lot easier while helping to conserve product. Not that a tube is all that expensive – the national retail price of AMBI Fade Cream hovers around $6.00. Still, precision targeting made sense because, in the final analysis, I didn’t want to over-apply to my skin. Back to the answering the question, *does it work?* Speaking only for myself, I can say that is absolutely worked for me on my face. After the first month, there was a noticeable change in the intensity of my spots. It took time for this to happen and I wasn’t expecting instant results. By the end of the second month, my dark spots were almost invisible. I’m not saying they disappeared because they didn’t. But I will say they faded considerably. As I continued using during the third month, I can’t say that I noticed additional fading. But the truth is there wasn’t much left to lighten. Still, I continued to use because that is what the directions stated. And what about the spots on my shoulders? There was *some* benefit but not to the same extent as my face. In fact, I was somewhat concerned about why these darkish areas weren’t responding so I decided to go to a dermatologist. Long story short, he told me that some of the spots were freckles but that a few were [seborrheic keratosis](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/266748.php) (SKs); a skin condition that can cause mole-like legions that are not treatable with creams. ![fade cream sun spots with ambi](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) To remove the SKs, he used liquid nitrogen. Basically, the doctor zaps your spots with a quick squirt of the stuff and over the course of a week, it gradually scabs up and falls off. So long story short, if you have SKs, AMBI cream is not going to work. So, will I continue to use this product? The answer is yes. It has done a fantastic job of fading my freckles and making them less pronounced. I know there are other reviews online that suggest AMBI isn’t very effective and a waste of money. I certainly respect the experiences of others. Your best bet is to look around and learn more about this product. In my case, I really liked the results. Before winding up this review, it is important to state that if you have any unusual markings on your skin, such as a black spot or raised, jagged legion, it’s best to consult with your physician. This will allow your doctor to do tests and rule out any serious medical concerns, such as skin cancer. **Do you have sun spots? How about freckles or liver spots? If so, have you used AMBI Fade Cream? What was your experience? Please share in the comments area below.** **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News, Reviews **Tags:** Fade Cram, Skin Care, Skin Care Routine, Sun Spots --- ### [What Dreams About Snakes Mean](https://guycounseling.com/snake-means-symbolizes-dreams/) **Published:** September 30, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![what dreams about snakes and dreams about snake bites mean](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/drams-about-snakes-mean.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Dreaming about snakes explored](#Dreaming_about_snakes_explored) - [What Snake Dreams Mean and Symbolize](#What_Snake_Dreams_Mean_and_Symbolize) - [What Do Snake Bite Dreams Mean?](#What_Do_Snake_Bite_Dreams_Mean) - [Types of Snakes In Dreams](#Types_of_Snakes_In_Dreams) - [Snake Colors in Dreams](#Snake_Colors_in_Dreams) - [Psychology of Snakes in Dreams](#Psychology_of_Snakes_in_Dreams) - [Spiritual Meanings in Dreams](#Spiritual_Meanings_in_Dreams) - [Native Americans](#Native_Americans) - [Judeo-Christian](#Judeo-Christian) - [Islam](#Islam) - [Chinese Astrology](#Chinese_Astrology) - [How Snakes Appear in Dreams](#How_Snakes_Appear_in_Dreams) - [How To Interpret Your Snake Dreams](#How_To_Interpret_Your_Snake_Dreams) - [Do Snake Dreams Foretell the Future?](#Do_Snake_Dreams_Foretell_the_Future) - [Personal Thoughts on Dreams](#Personal_Thoughts_on_Dreams) - [Resources](#Resources) ## Dreaming about snakes explored Are you having dreams about snakes? Did one bite you during a dream? Wondering why a serpent appeared in the first place? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Dreams about snakes are a common experience. When one happens, it can be downright scary. On that note, here’s a fun video from the movie, *Indiana Jones* where actor Harrison Ford voices his fear of snakes. Maybe you can relate? Let’s explore what these dreams all about. As a college professor teaching courses in psychology, I’m often asked about [dream symbolism](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00221309.1953.9920189?journalCode=vgen20) (Hall, 1953). Guys love taking about this topic. And the ladies? If it’s reptile related, not so much. At any rate, here’s an example of a vivid dream one of my students shared in a personality theory class: > “I dreamed a green snake hissed at me while sitting in my parent’s backyard. Paralyzed with fear, I couldn’t move. That’s when it bit my face. I woke up in a cold sweat.” *– Dominick (first-year psychology student).* Another example can be found in a young woman named Ellyn. In an essay, she revealed the following: > “I was relaxing in a warm bath. Everything was OK until I looked down at the sudsy water. That’s when I saw three black snakes slithering at the bottom. To this day, I still can’t take a bath. It freaked me out that bad.” *– Ellyn (graduate psychology learner).* Perhaps you have experienced something similar? I’ll tell you what I share with students – here it goes: Dream imagery can’t be taken literally. Instead, they should be viewed metaphorically and linked to your own life story. And that’s what this page is all about; understanding how to interpret your snake dreams through symbolism. **On this page, you will learn:** - The symbolic meaning of snakes - What snake bites mean in dreams - Types of snakes in dreams - Snake colors and their meaning - Psychology of snakes in dreams - Spiritual meaning of snakes - How snakes commonly appear in dreams - How to interpret your snake dream - Resources for dream symbol interpretation ![black snake in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/black-snake.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Snakes often represent danger in dreams ## What Snake Dreams Mean and Symbolize To help better understand what your snake related dream might mean, I’ve scoured through hundreds of pages of literature and aggregated their common interpretations (Lakoff, 1993). **Subconscious anxiety:** Snakes will often pop up during a dream during times of uncertainty. Typically, these fears manifest themselves in the form of a terrifying creature, like a snake. **Renewal:** If you are working on reinventing yourself, snakes may show up in your dreams as a symbol of renewal. Some consider this to be a positive sign. **Rebirth and fertility:** Snakes are known for shedding off their skin through a process known as sloughing. It is for this reason the ancients believed snake focused dreams are a sign of rebirth, transformation, and healing (Myths Encylopedia, 2017). **Sexual energy:** A snake may appear in your dream to symbolize a repressed form of sexual energy. If you are unconsciously attracted to someone, a snake might pop up to present your sexual desire to connect with that person. [See post on dreams about crushes decoded](https://guycounseling.com/what-does-it-mean-when-you-dream-about-your-crush/). **Creative Energy:** The landscape of your brain includes a deep imaginative network. Scientists believe creativity is born from this place (Kaufman, 2013). When you are sleeping, your mind may conjure up snake imagery to represent your creative side. **Health fears and death:** Because snakes evoke fear in many, some believe they are conjured up during dreams by a primitive part of the brain called the amygdala. If you are experiencing a health concern or hold fears of death, serpents may be part of your dreamscape. ([See dreams about death](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/)). **Evil:** Some people who believe in the supernatural believe that the appearance of snakes in dreams is a symbol of evil or dark energy. **Guardianship:** If you have a dream about a snake or snakes in front of someone (or yourself) they could represent protective entities that are designed to guard against harm. **Vengefulness:** People who hold unresolved anger about a life event, such as a breakup or being fired, may dream about snakes as a symbolic manifestation of vengefulness. An example might be a snake biting someone you are angry with. **Medicine and healing:** Sometimes, snakes will make their presence known in dreams to symbolize medicine and healing. When a snake bites, it usually deposits venom. The modern symbol of medicine is a serpent wrapped around a rod. ![dreams about rattle snakes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/rattlesnake-1892417_640.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Dreams about snake bites ## What Do Snake Bite Dreams Mean? If you have ever had a dream about a snake bit, you already know how scary they can be. This point is particularly true when you can see the snake’s fangs just prior to an attack. There are lots of ways to interpret what snake bites mean in dreams. Common theories include: - **Fear of being caught off-guard**. Some people hold deep fears of being caught unprepared for a given event. - **Anxiety about a person causing physical harm**. If you are worried about someone hurting you, snakes may appear in your dreams. - **You want to seek revenge**. If you’ve been harmed by someone, you may dream of a snake biting the person. - **Fear for a child**: If you are a mom or dad, a dream about a snake viciously biting your defenseless child may speak to caretaking fears. - **You want to be seduced:** Because some snake bites can cause paralysis, you may secretly hold a desire to be seduced by an object of affection. - **Worries about money:** If you are bitten on your right hand, it could mean that you are worried about being irresponsible with money. - **You don’t give enough:** If you dream of a snake biting your left hand, it could mean that you don’t give enough to others emotionally, financially or both. - **You have body image issues:** Snake bites in dreams that occur on the face or hips suggest you don’t like this aspect of your appearance. - **You have genital fears:** Should a snake snip at your genitals, it could mean you hold anxiety about how they look or function. - **You worry about being backstabbed:** If a snake bites you on your back, it is a potential indication that you are worried about being backstabbed by someone. - **You are in emotional pain:** If you are bitten by a snake on the mouth, this suggests you are in emotional pain over a loss. This one is especially true if you have broken up with someone and aren’t talking about your feelings. See post about [how guys handle breakups](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/). - **Mistrusting of someone:** Some people have dreams about being bitten by a serpent as an unconscious manifestation of trust issues. In other words, you worry that misplaced trust may come back to bite you. ## Types of Snakes In Dreams There are 3000 known species of snakes (Bradford, 2014). What follows is a quick breakdown of what different types of snakes could mean in your dream. - A King Cobra could indicate that you are hypnotized by another person’s charm. - Garden snakes symbolize unfounded, irrational fears. - Vipers and rattlesnakes suggest worries over something or someone who is unhealthy for you. - Boa constrictor snakes indicate you are being choked, restricted or smothered by someone. - Coral snakes are about being internally conflicted over an issue or decision. ![scary snake](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scary-snake.jpg?resize=640%2C329&ssl=1)Snake colors hold different meanings ## Snake Colors in Dreams Snakes come in an assortment of colors with distinct markings. They often camouflage themselves into the local environment to protect themselves from predators. They also use this as a way of hiding in wait when hunting for food. Here are several interpretations of what the color of a snake might mean in your dream. - **Green** is a sign of safety. It means move ahead without fear or worry. Consider this a kind of “green light” for decision-making purposes. - **Black** is a sign of evil. If you see a black snake in your dream, it could speak to something dangerous or bad. - **Red** means stop. Should you see a red snake, it could be your mind’s way of urging you to abandon what you are doing and rethink your approach. - **Yellow** is a sign of caution. This could be your unconscious trying to tell you to proceed carefully. - **Blue** is a sign of conflict. Whenever you see a blue snake it dreams, think of this as representative of something you are internally confused about. - **Brown** is a sign of health: Should you see a brown snake in your dream, its presence may speak to health concerns. - **Purple** means passion. Rarely, some people dream about purple colored snakes. Almost always, they represent love and passion. - **Orange** means family. Sometimes, a snake will appear with an orangish color. Almost always, this is symbolic of someone close, like a parent, child or sibling. - **White** means purity and innocence. If you dream about a white snake, it could speak to some aspect of yourself that is vulnerable. ![snake dreams, symbols and psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/green-mamba-2348952_640.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Psychology of snake dreams ## Psychology of Snakes in Dreams There are different psychological interpretations related to snakes in dreams. How they are viewed largely depends upon the individual’s theoretical construct. **Examples:** Psychoanalysts, who rely heavily on childhood experiences as part of their work, may view a snake as symbolic of a childhood event or theme. Examples might include trauma, fear, unresolved grief or shame. Questions a psychoanalyst might ask include: *Did the snake look like someone? If so, who? As you think about this right now, what are you feeling?* Cognitive therapists, who almost exclusively are concerned with the here and now, may see the snake as an irrational representation of a fear based issue. Questions a cognitive therapist might ask include: Does it seem logical that a snake would bite you while bathing? How does this fear relate to other worries you have during waking hours? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/xT39D0hEGnzxFDbHri/giphy.gif?resize=480%2C270&ssl=1)Spiritual meaning of snakes ## Spiritual Meanings in Dreams In the field of psychology, there is a construct known as psycho-spiritualism. That’s a $10.00 term used to describe the combination of psychology and spirituality. I’m mentioning this because there are some folks who think snakes may hold spiritual meaning. The famous psychoanalyst Carl Jung often spoke about the active imagination as a conduit to the other dimensions (Schaverien, 2005). ### Native Americans Some Native American tribes believe that snakes are sent to us as spiritual guides. In this way, they act as teachers. An example might be a dream about a snake that is coiled up in a tree. The general consensus is that the snake itself is leading you to a place of healing, using primal energy to signify its presence. Spiritual guides, also known as spirt animals, are not chosen by us. Instead, they choose the individual for the purpose of imparting lessons. Throughout a person’s lifespan, they may be visited by many guides (spirit animals) who act as teachers. Dr. Steven Farmer, a shamanic practitioner, minister, and licensed psychotherapist wrote an excellent book on how to identify spirit guides. [Available on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2yA5nvE). ### Judeo-Christian In the traditions of Judeo- Christian religion, the serpent has great meaning. In the Old Testament, a snake appeared in the Garden of Eden and caused all of mankind’s problems. That’s because the serpent manipulated Adam and Eve into eating fruit from the forbidden Tree of Knowledge. In turn, they were transformed into mere mortal beings. Some religious historians view the snake in the garden as a warning sign against lust. Others feel the snake is a conduit to wisdom. Depending upon which preacher you ask, some will even tell you the serpent was really the devil incarnate. If you are Roman Catholic, you’ve likely seen statues and paintings of the Virgin Mary stepping on a snake. Here, the meaning is fairly clear – Mary transcends evil and is impervious to its powers. While there is no hard and fast rule here, most people who subscribe to western religions will often link the snake to various forms of evil, including sexual temptation and shame. ### Islam It would be unfair to suggest that all Middle Eastern people are a monolithic group. That said, many who subscribe to Islam view snakes in a negative light. Historically, they have been thought of as vial creatures who are symbolic of trouble or danger. Snake-bite dreams are thought to be precursors to real-life impending doom. On the flipside, if you are triumphant over a snake, the dream itself may represent victory over a difficult situation. Personal empowerment is also part of the dynamic. ### Chinese Astrology In the area of horoscopic astrology, snakes are not thought of as something negative. For example, the Chinese dedicate an entire year to the snake as part of their traditions. Serpents are generally viewed as symbols of personal growth and transformation in Chinese culture. In some ways, this mirrors the viewpoint of water signs in western astrology, such as the signs like [Scorpio and Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/scorpio-cancer/). ![snakes, dreams and symbols](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3oEjI126U97k34yTbG/giphy.gif?resize=480%2C255&ssl=1)Do snakes often appear in your dreams? ## How Snakes Appear in Dreams Dreams about snakes are unique to each person. That being said, there are certain themes that many people report. I’ve listed a few below. - Objects transforming into snakes - Snakes that chase a person - A pile of snakes in a baby basket - Snakes swimming in a sink or bathtub - Serpents hanging from trees and bushes - Being bitten by snakes over and over - Becoming paralyzed after a snake nips you - Loved ones being attacked by a snake - Finding snakes in your bed - Killing a snake The primary emotional response for each theme mentioned above is fear. Who wouldn’t be frightened by a slithering, fanged creature hissing nearby? ![dreams about snakes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/blue-snake.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Snake dream interpretation ## How To Interpret Your Snake Dreams You will hear all sorts of advice about dream interpretation on the web. All I can tell you is that decoding a dream’s meaning is unique to each person. My best advice is to look for themes and metaphors. Match them issues going on in your life – past, and present. Additionally, keeping a dream journal may help you recall various aspects of your dreamscape. Jotting down small details can help provide context for what’s getting stirred up while sleeping. ## Do Snake Dreams Foretell the Future? Many people believe that dreaming about snakes is a sign of something that will happen in the future (usually bad). For example, some Sicilians feel that if a serpent bites someone you love in a dream, it means that person will die. Ancient oracles also believed the appearance of snakes in dreams were really apparitions of evil energy, sent from hell to the mortal world. That’s why it’s important to remember there is a cultural context to dream interpretation. Do you believe a snake represents bad luck? Depending on your cultural background, you might. ![What snakes mean in dreams](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/snake-1446008_640.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Understanding your snake dreams ## Personal Thoughts on Dreams Speaking only for myself, I believe that dreams are trying to tell us something. While I don’t think objects in dreams, like black snakes, are supernatural warning signs of things to come, I do feel their appearance holds meaning. Fear, uncertainty, and doubt are common reasons why serpents tend to show up while sleeping. Sometimes, an incident from the past can trigger the active imagination as a way of processing trauma. Because snakes evoke a primal response of flight or flight in the human mind, it makes sense that they also symbolize deeply held fears. ## Resources If you are looking for more insight into your dreams, including dreams about snakes, there are many resources to consider. One of my favorites is the Complete Dictionary of Dreams by  Llewellyn ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2yOfzRY)). What’s great about this book is how it assigns meaning to tons of symbols. Other places to consider include ancient fables, like Greek or Roman mythology. Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture. Be sure to Like on Facebook so you don’t miss any updates. **References** Bradford, A. (2014, June 20). *Snake facts and types of snakes*. Retrieved from Live Science: https://www.livescience.com/27845-snakes.html Hall, C. (1953). A cognitive theory of dream symbols. *The Journal of General Psychology*, 169-186. Kaufman, B. (2013, August 19). *The real neuroscience of creativity*. Retrieved from Scientific American: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/the-real-neuroscience-of-creativity/ Lakoff, G. (1993). How metaphor structures dreams: The theory of conceptual metaphor applied to dream analysis. *Dreaming*, 77-98. Myths Encylopedia. (2017). *Serpents and snakes*. Retrieved from Myths Encyclopedia : Myths and legends of the world: http://www.mythencyclopedia.com/Sa-Sp/Serpents-and-Snakes.html Schaverien, J. (2005). Art, dreams and active imagination. *Analytic psychology*, 127-269. Photos courtesy of Pixabay **Categories:** Lore **Tags:** Dream Interpretation, Dreams Analysis, Snake, Snakes --- ### [Counseling for Phobias, Fear, and Panic](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-phobias-anxiety-stress/) **Published:** April 20, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![therapy and hypnosis for phobias, fear, panic in chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/pathway.jpg?resize=666%2C442&ssl=1)New ways of coping ## Specific Phobias, Counseling and Hypnotherapy  Do you live in **Chicago** and struggle with a **phobia**? Are you extremely frightened by certain things, like animals, insects or objects? Afraid to fly? If so, you may be struggling with a specific phobia. According to the DSM-5, a phobia is an intense and unreasonable fear of a specific activity, object, or situation. Phobias fall under the heading of [anxiety disorders](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) and are not that uncommon. The National Institute of Mental Health has established that 12% of the population of the United States will deal with a [specific phobia](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/specific-phobia.shtml) at some point over the course of their lifetimes. That’s a lot of people when you think about it. Let’s be honest – phobias  can be debilitating and depending on severity, can cause problems with work, school, social interactions, and personal relationships. Phobias are most commonly associated with a negative past event that has been internalized. The fear, brought about by specific triggers, operates as a survival mechanism. [![dream analysis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/counseling-and-life-coaching-banner-1.jpg?resize=336%2C280&ssl=1)](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Counseling & Hypnotherapy for Phobias and Fear [Cognitive Behavior Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/), when combined with hypnotherapy and other modalities, has been used to [help people work through](https://goo.gl/h7fza4) the fear, panic and sense of dread associated with phobias.  The decision to integrate hypnosis largely depends on your unique situation. Some hypnotherapists use the Rewind Technique. Here, the clinician uses hypnosis to relax the person in a way that allows the therapist to access material related to the phobia and identify triggers. In turn, this helps to build a framework of suggestion-based responses to overcome the debilitating fear. Each situation is obviously different and a person needs to be open to the hypnotic experience for maximum healing to occur. Another approach, which has been highly successful in some people, involves the use of hypnotherapy to ease the person into a heightened state of awareness (hypnotic trance). By doing so, this opens a portal to the unconscious, where the process of suggestion takes place. As a result, people are given calming-based guidance. In this way, the person is literally taught relaxation skills around triggers that may cause a phobic response. ![pain management hypnosis chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/therapist-for-men-chicago.jpg?resize=640%2C425&ssl=1) ## CBT, Hypnotherapy, Panic and Worry What I try to explain to my Chicago clients is that a person can have a phobia involving almost anything. For example, there are a considerable number of individuals who are extremely fearful of clowns, balloons, feathers and even puppies. Other types of phobias that are common include: - Acrophobia – Fear of Heights - Agoraphobia – Fear of Having a Panic Attack in Public - Glossophobia – [Fear of speaking in public or in front of groups](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-speaking-fears-chicago/) - Cynophobia – Fear of Dogs - Arachnophobia – Fear of Spiders - Aerophobia – Fear of Flying ([see post nervous flyer](https://guycounseling.com/nervous-flyer-tip/)) - Astraphobia – Fear of Thunder and Lightning Regardless of the specific phobia, hypnosis as part of CBT may be useful as a therapeutic adjunct to help you work through fears with the goal of creating positive change. This transformation doesn’t happen overnight. Be sure to read this [basic FAQ on hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/what-is-hypnosis-hypnotherapy/) to learn more. Suggestions under hypnosis may include bodily responses to triggers such as slow, deep breathing, a change in focus, or replacing the fear with a different response. In the final analysis, you may be able to come to terms with a past traumatic event, learn how to desensitize yourself against the triggers that exploit your fears, and ameliorate the phobia all together. Hypnotherapy, in combination with other forms of psychotherapy [such as ACT](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), may help to diminish the effects of your phobia while empowering you to live a calmer, more relaxed life. Bear in mind that hypnotherapy isn’t therapy itself but instead, a tool used to facilitate other forms of therapy. If you would like to learn more about how hypnotherapy for anxiety might help you, send me a note via this [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) or call me at 773.704.5300. **References** Becker E, Rinck M, Tu¨ rke V, et al. Epidemiology of specific phobia types: findings from the Dresden Mental Health Study. EuroPsychiatry 2007; 22:69-74. Grohol, J. (2013). DSM-5 Changes: Anxiety Disorders & Phobias. *Psych Central*. Retrieved on June 16, 2014, from pro.psychcentral.com/dsm-5-changes-anxiety-disorders-phobias/004266.html Healnowtherapyhypnosis.blogspot.com. Jones, Steve G. Connecting Hypnotherapy. Retrieved 15 June, 2014. National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NCCAM). Bethesda, Maryland. NCAMM.nih.org. Retrieved 15 June, 2014. The NIMH Genetics Workgroup. Genetics and mental disorders. NIH Publication No. 98-4268. Rockville, MD: National Institute of Mental Health, 1998. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** hypnosis, Phobias --- ### [Hypnosis May Help Moms With Postpartum Depression and Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/postpartum-depression-hypnosis-515/) **Published:** May 15, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![postpartum depression moms baby parents](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/baby-parents-hypnosis-postpartum-depression.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Hypnosis and postpartum depression A recent study published in the *[American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00029157.2018.1538870)* (AJCH) suggests that hypnosis may help ease symptoms of postpartum depression for new moms. Guy Counseling spoke to a licensed psychologist (who was not part of the study) to gather further insights on the topic of hypnosis for depression. Dr. Nancy Irwin is with California-based addiction and mental health treatment center, [Seasons in Malibu](https://seasonsmalibu.com/). She shared the following insights: “I have been practicing therapeutic hypnosis for 17 years now and treat depression (among 100 other issues) with this natural technique as an adjunct to talk therapy. Hypnosis works to reprogram the subconscious by “unplugging” from limiting, negative beliefs, and ‘plugging’ into empowering, realistic beliefs about the self,” Irwin said. A total of 56 participants took part in the study. Half of the participants (28) received hypnosis therapy intervention at weeks 16, 20, 28 and 36 of their pregnancies. The control group (28) received routine prenatal care without any hypnotic intervention. Final data collection included sixteen women from the group receiving hypnotherapy and eleven from the control group. All were given an assessment to gauge psychological symptoms and postpartum depression. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l378vg4Pm9LGnmD6M/giphy.gif?resize=403%2C403&ssl=1) ## Study Findings The results showed two months after giving birth, the moms who took part in hypnotherapy had **significantly lower postpartum anxiety than the control group and significantly lower symptoms of depression.** Investigators conclude in their study that “Hypnosis conducted during pregnancy may promote improvements in psychological wellbeing postpartum.” The findings from this investigation come in close proximity to a previous [AJCH study](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-depression-study/) that suggests hypnosis may offer mood lifting benefits for folks struggling with the blues. In recent years, use of hypnosis has been gaining traction as more people look for natural pathways to wellness. When combined with other depression fighting approaches, hypnosis may offer meaningful benefits. Here is what Dr. Irwin told us: “Appropriate action steps for overcoming depression are keeping a healthy lifestyle with sufficient, consistent sleep, nutritious food, exercise, fun, and taking steps toward managing any situational factors: releasing toxic people, getting out of debt, finding a more fulfilling job, getting sober, etc.” If you are interested in learning more about this mindful approach to wellness, check out this post that explores [the 10 ways hypnotherapy helps with anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/). **Have you ever engaged in hypnosis for depression or anxiety? If so, what was your experience? Did your mood improve?** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Depression, Hypnotherapy, Postpartum Depression --- ### [What Dreams About Being Late Mean?](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-being-late-mean/) **Published:** May 19, 2019 **Author:** Brian Tomasio **Content:** ![dreams about being late clock](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/clock-late.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Dreams about being late decoded Did you have a dream about being late? Did you miss a boat or plane? Arrive late to an important event like a wedding or job interview? When you woke up, were you completely freaked out? While there is no way to be sure, [dreams](https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-46210-001) about being late often speak to something deeper going on in the psyche – well below the conscious level. Here are some possibilities to consider. ## **Hidden anxiety** Lateness in dreams can indicate you [suffer from anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/). Not necessarily though. To find out, consider the way being late made you feel while you were dreaming. Were you fearful of the consequences of tardiness? If so, your dream might reflect you are anxious not to let people down in waking life. An interview or date might loom, and it plays on your mind. Then again, you might be afraid of missing out. [FOMO](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Fomo) is a common occurrence among people who imagine everyone else is having a good time, or enjoying perks, but them. Fear of missing out can seep into your slumber and be depicted in your sleep as missing a form of transport that would have taken you somewhere pleasant had you been on time. ## **Concealed anger** Are you angry? Dreams of tardiness can be concealed wishes to get your own back on people who’ve upset you. If you find expressing your feelings hard, lateness, even when you’re fast asleep and your imagination’s running the show, could be passive aggression. Passive aggressive people often hate letting their anger show. Sometimes they were taught when they were kids being angry wasn’t nice. At other times, they’ve found handling their emotions hard and fear anxiety getting out of hand. They prefer covertly letting their feelings seep out rather than face dealing with disapproval or the other possible negative repercussions of outing their angst. Some people who dream of being late also [have dreams about sharks](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-sharks-interpreted/). ![dreaming of being late](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-sleeping-next-to-clock-after-to-do-list.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Did you oversleep in your dream? ## **Feeling sub-standard** Did everyone but you catch the bus in your dream? If you’re left standing at the bus stop as it pulls away thinking ‘why me’ perhaps you compare yourself unfavorably to people when you’re awake. What’s more, if your friends on the bus look smug as it pulls away, maybe you feel left out. ## **You hate being late** Some dreams are almost literal; they depict scenarios closely resembling waking life. Lateness in a dream can show you have an aversion to tardiness in general. Do you always arrive for appointments early? Do you get mad when your friends are late to meet you? If the answer’s yes, your dreams are in keeping with a perfectionist attitude. ## **Tardiness** It is possible dreaming of tardiness actually means you are tardy. Are you often late for work? Do you always arrive at restaurants later than your friends? You know whether you ought to keep time better. If you aren’t making amends, your dreams may show you that deep down, tardiness makes you or people around you uncomfortable. The easiest way to find out what your dreams of lateness mean is to consider your emotions, both those experienced inside the dream state and upon waking. Identify fear, anger, annoyance, or discomfort and you’ll be part way to uncovering the answers. **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Dream Analysis, Dreaming, Dreams --- ### ["Culture Shock" Awaits Some Military Veterans Returning To College](https://guycounseling.com/culture-shock-veterans-college-511/) **Published:** May 11, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![military veteran college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/military.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New study sheds light on difficulties facing some veterans returning to college Are you a military veteran? Thinking of enrolling in an institution of higher learning to earn your degree? Do you wonder what the experience might be like, especially if you recently separated? Well, according to a new study appearing in the *[Journal of Intercultural Communication Research](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17475759.2019.1592770)*, you may go through a period of culture shock. Investigators with the University of Oklahoma conducted a series of interviews with 20 military veterans who had completed their service and enrolled at the university. The goal of the study was simple: to explore assimilation experiences. The results revealed that many of the participants struggled with various degrees of culture shock, despite some being the same age as their non-veteran peers. As a result, many found themselves in arguments with fellow learners and ultimately became isolated. Several even reported feeling ostracized. Specific themes popped up in the study, such as the casual way non-veteran students dressed and a perceived lack of respect for authority figures. Other examples included the open style of communication that took part on campus, including the ability to join different clubs. One veteran-participant shared the following experience with researchers: *“I remember the moment \[of shock on campus\] because I walked up to a door, and it was actually at \[names hall\] and there was a, a communism socialist club or flier, whatever, I’m like, wait, this is allowed to be here?* *Like, that just blew my mind. My initial response was who’s signing up for that? Let me report this. So, that was probably the moment, oh my God, this is different, but on the other hand that is their right.”* ![depressed military veteran](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/young-man-thinking-about-narcissists-and-relationships.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Veterans and returning to college ## Coping Through Silence As a tool for dealing with these challenges and to avoid conflicts, some coped by remaining silent. In other words, they didn’t share personal thoughts and observations about topical material in class. While this approach may have helped them to stay clear of arguments, it also may have unintentionally created distance with their peers, thereby furthering feelings of isolation. Over time, silence can feed on itself, pushing the veteran into a dark emotional place. According to study author William T. Howe, “Any prolonged silence about a troubling issue is not good for an individual, and the worry is that this extreme isolation could lead to a feeling that life is not worth living and a decision to permanently [silence themselves with suicide](https://guycounseling.com/military-risk-suicide-study-1218/).” As a college educator who has been teaching active duty [military students](https://www.slideshare.net/johndmoore1/long-term-deployments-and-stress) (and veterans) for the better part of fifteen years, I can personally attest to some of the observations made in this study. Military learners show a high degree of respect for authority. Example: Most of my veteran-students refer to me as “Professor Moore” or “Dr. Moore” (never by my first name). They also sign their emails with the acronym, “V/R” or “Very Respectfully”. My civilian students, however, rarely show this same level of respect. In fact, I’ve had more than a few civilian students send notes that say, *“Hi, John, I need some help with a writing assignment.”* If they sign their email, they might sign the bottom with something like, “Thanks!”. ![female military member veterans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/military-woman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Isolation can set in ## The Problem With Isolation In addition, I’ve had countless (former) military students share with me (in confidence) that they wanted to express their thoughts about a topic in class but didn’t do so because they thought it would cause conflict. An example might be a veteran expressing his or her views about a governmental policy that is at odds with the classroom consensus. In these cases, I’ve had to gently coach them to share anyway. Sometimes this approach worked and sometimes it didn’t. **It helps a lot to set etiquette expectations for all students at the start of the course**. This means telling students that respect for one another is required and that exposure to a diversity of ideas is critical to learning. It also means modeling behaviors that demonstrate it is possible to disagree without making it personal. While establishing these guidelines at the start of the class can be helpful, it’s by no means a guarantee that heated arguments won’t break out. That said, this study may be helpful to counselors and educators on college campuses by generating greater awareness around assimilation for veterans. Additional resources could be made available to these students to help them with the adjustment, including a list of clubs and resources that speak to their interests. But most importantly, making sure counseling services are available to these students is critical. Isolation, when left unchecked, can lead to feelings of [otherness](https://othersociologist.com/otherness-resources/) and loneliness; factors that previous research shows contributes to suicide. Are you a military veteran that has returned to college? If so, what were your experiences? How did you cope? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. — Photo images: Deposit photos **Categories:** Academia, Field Notes, News **Tags:** Armed Forces, Culture Shock, Depression, military, Suicide --- ### [Here's Why You Shouldn't Let Anger Get Pent Up](https://guycounseling.com/anger-sickness-aging-591/) **Published:** May 9, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anger aging health](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/young-man-stressed.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Anger and aging don’t mix well Have you ever been told to control your anger? Do you sometimes struggle with a short temper? Need a reason to create positive change? If the answer is yes, I’ve got some news that you may find interesting. According to a [new study](https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/pag-pag0000348.pdf) published by the American Psychological Association (APA), anger may be worse than sadness as you get older. Specifically, I am talking about it contributing to increased inflammation and the risk of chronic illness. For this investigation, scientists studied a group of adults between the ages of 53-93 over a one-week period in a community setting. Researchers recorded the participant’s frequency of feelings of sadness and anger and inquired if they had any chronic illnesses. Participants were also tested for levels of inflammation. The study’s findings were compelling. Here’s what [Dr. Carsten Wrosch](https://www.concordia.ca/artsci/psychology/faculty.html?fpid=carsten-wrosch), a co-author with Concordia University shared in a statement. “We found that experiencing anger daily was related to higher levels of inflammation and chronic illness for people 80 years old and older, but not for younger seniors. Sadness, on the other hand, was not related to inflammation or chronic illness.” ![anger, aging and health](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnosis-in-chicago-for-stress.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How do you cope with anger? The findings of this research suggest that younger people may be at less risk for anger-related chronic illness and [inflammation](https://guycounseling.com/arthritis-symptoms-winter/) because (on some level) they feel they still have time to develop healthy coping skills. Conversely, older folks may feel they don’t have time to adapt. As a result, feelings anger can build, thereby negatively impacting health. The results of this investigation suggest that for older people, it may be important to find healthier ways of discharging emotions, so they don’t become pent up. In turn, this may help to minimize the risk of developing a chronic illness. One way to cope with anger is through mindfulness-based approaches like deep breathing and meditation. Other strategies [include self-compassion](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thoughts-self-compassion/), something previous studies have shown can positively influence health. The authors of the APA study believe that education and therapy may benefit older adults by helping them to learn new skills. Meaghan A. Barlow, the lead author of the study, offers the following in a [statement](https://tinyurl.com/y6y24bk5): “If we better understand which negative emotions are harmful, not harmful or even beneficial to older people, we can teach them how to cope with loss in a healthy way. This may help them let go of their anger.” How do you control your feelings? Do you take active steps to discharge your anger in healthy ways? If so, what are they? Share your comments below. **Categories:** Mind, News, Psychology **Tags:** Anger, Emotions, health, Mental Health, Sickness, stress --- ### [What Do the Five Stages of Grief Actually Mean?](https://guycounseling.com/five-stages-grief/) **Published:** May 1, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![five stages of grief](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/grief.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 5 stages of grief explained In 1969 psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross published a seminal article entitled *[On Death and Dying](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/article-abstract/343400)*, inspired by her work with the terminally ill. In it, she outlined five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These have become known as the grieving process. The five stages have been assimilated into popular culture and are referenced in jokes and memes. **But what do they actually mean?** The first thing to understand is that Kübler-Ross never intended her model of grief to be prescriptive. The five stages aren’t the best (or the most-healthy) way to process grief. In fact, she never intended that they be viewed as a simple progression in which you start at denial and end, a few months or a few years later, at acceptance. Instead, they were intended to be descriptive, or a way of giving a label to feelings that seem overwhelming or incomprehensible. **Related:** [What men should wear to a funeral?](https://guycounseling.com/men-wear-funeral-memorial-142/) The stages of grief aren’t an instruction, telling you what you should do when you’ve experienced loss; they’re a way of understanding, and helping you know that you’re not the only person who feels this way. Some people don’t ever experience all five stages; some people feel as though they’re permanently stuck in one of them. Most people who are dealing with loss will go between different stages of grief in the space of days, hours or even minutes. With that in mind, here’s a brief description of each stage, but listed alphabetically to emphasize that there’s not a correct order to feel these things. ![five stages of grief](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=497%2C315&ssl=1)5 stages of grief ## **1. Acceptance** This means recognizing that although the world has changed, that’s the way things are from now on. The person who has died is no longer walking and talking; they’re not going to come back home or call you. The job you lost is finished. The relationship you hoped would be permanent didn’t actually work out. It doesn’t mean that there’s no more pain, or that things are now OK. It doesn’t mean that your grief is now over. Acceptance is part of grief, and it may continue for the rest of your life. ## **2. Anger** This is one of the stages of grief that Kübler-Ross needed to normalize, or to explain that almost everyone feels this at some point. Many people find it hard to express anger anyway; it’s even harder if those around you expect you to be sad and withdrawn, but you’re filled with rage. It’s also one of the stages of grief that people return to again and again. Almost nobody responds to loss by being angry for a time and then never feeling that way again. ## **3. Bargaining** Everyone uses bargaining at some point in their lives. It might mean thinking, “I’ll go out and spend some money this weekend, but then I’ll work an extra few hours next week to make up for it.” It might involve another person, it might be between you and God or Life or The Universe, it might be a deal with yourself, but everyone will bargain at some point. What’s more, you’ll continue to do it long after your experience of loss. Every time you have a “what if?” daydream, you’re bargaining, and you’ll probably never stop. ## **4. Denial** This is your mind giving you an anesthetic. Your feelings are too painful to bear, so you allow yourself to feel numb for a while. And just as some people need painkillers constantly in order to get through the day, while others take one dose and then feel fine, your need for denial will be different from someone else’s. Because this is usually listed as the first stage of grief, there’s a lot of expectation that you’ll somehow need to get past or get through denial in order to get on with grieving. But denial comes and goes; some days you need a bit more anesthetic. ## **5. Depression** Because [depression is a diagnosis](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) in its own right, there’s a lot of confusion about whether someone who’s grieving is actually depressed. There’s an idea that sadness is normal, but depression is a problem. However, since the person who is grieving may show the same symptoms and experience the same feelings as someone who’s clinically depressed, there’s little point arguing over the difference. **Related:** [10 things to never say at a funeral](https://guycounseling.com/funeral-etiquette-never-say-251/) If you’ve experienced a loss, then depression may be part of your reaction to it. It might last for a long time or be over quickly. It might come and go, so that you feel maybe you’re not actually depressed at all. But your feelings are real, and they’re no less valid just because you know what’s causing them. The five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are a useful way of understanding how someone feels when they’ve experienced loss. However, they’re not a prescription for the way that grief should proceed, moving from one stage to the next in a set order, but rather a way of helping a grieving person accept and understand their own shifting and conflicting emotions. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Death, Dying, Funeral, Mourning --- ### [Hypnosis May Offer Relief for Depression, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-depression-study/) **Published:** April 30, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hypnosis depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-ocean.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Hypnosis shows promise for depression** If you are feeling depressed, you may want to consider working with a professional who offers hypnosis, according to a recent study appearing in the [American Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00029157.2018.1489777) (AJCH). For this investigation, researchers conducted a meta-analysis of previous studies to assess the impact of hypnotic interventions on people who were diagnosed with various forms of depression. In all, 197 records were screened across ten studies and thirteen trials. The results showed that persons who were depressed and received some form of clinical hypnotherapy **saw a 76% improvement of their symptoms** when compared to those in control groups (meaning no hypnotic interventions). Guy Counseling spoke to licensed psychotherapist [Katie Ziskind](http://wisdomwithinct.com/) in St. Niantic, CT about her use of hypnotherapy with depressed clients. Here is what she told us: “Hypnotherapy is a wonderful way to complement traditional talk counseling. Hypnotherapy can help with addiction, anxiety, and depression,” she said. “It is considered a complementary alternative medicine and a therapy that looks deep into your true self. Unfortunately, many would say that Western medicine treats the physical symptom where hypnotherapy treats the emotional source. Hypnotherapy includes your mind, your body, and your spirit, and usually, sessions are a few hours and deep. You get to access your inner consciousness and work through very intense emotions from a calm, relaxed place,” adds Ziskind. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3oEhmEUBfkRmJ9OBxe/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## How hypnotherapy is used for depression The critical thing to bear in mind with hypnotherapy is that clinicians use it as an adjunct to therapy and not as a standalone treatment. For example, some helping professionals use a [cognitive hypnotherapy](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00207140601177897) model where a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, (also known as CBT) is combined with hypnosis. Using this approach, CBT and hypnosis are used to help you to feel more relaxed and boost self-esteem. Additionally, this approach encourages positive mindfulness to lift mood. As part of therapy, unhealthy cognitions are explored and disrupted. Later, post-hypnotic suggestions are applied to reaffirm healthier ways of thinking. Previous research on the use of hypnotherapy has demonstrated hypnotic interventions may be helpful in [reducing pain and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-surgery-pain-anxiety/) after surgery. Other lines of research have shown hypnotherapy to be beneficial with reducing feelings of [panic and fear](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/), particularly for people with a specific phobia. Investigators for the AJCH study state, “The findings of our meta-analysis show that hypnosis is a very effective treatment for reducing the symptoms of depression.” Additionally, they say, “Our results suggest that the efficacy of hypnosis in treating depression is comparable to that of other psychological interventions for the problem.” The researchers encourage clinicians to give serious consideration to the use of hypnosis as part of a comprehensive approach when working with depressed clients. ## Expectancy Theory As with any study, there are limitations. Scientists for this investigation point out that some of the perceived benefits related to hypnosis may be linked to a phenomenon called the *expectancy theory*; a $10.00 term used to describe a dynamic where a person responds in affirmatively because they expect a benefit. Here is an example. Let’s say you are feeling anxious. As a result, I give you a “magic glass of water” and tell you that drinking it will make you calmer. Moments later, you take a few sips and instantly feel a sense of peace. According to the expectancy theory, because you believed drinking that water would be beneficial, you immediately felt better. But here is the thing – does it really matter if the expectancy theory somehow influences the outcome? At the end of the day, if there is a reduction in symptoms, isn’t that what matters? It’s important to point out that hypnosis doesn’t work for everyone (investigators state this in the study). Still, it does appear that for some folks, hypnotic interventions, when combined with other forms of therapy, can help to reduce feelings of sadness. When you take away the “woo-woo” factor (thanks to misrepresentations in popular culture), hypnosis really is nothing more than a natural, mindful approach to wellness. Have you undergone hypnosis before to help treat depression or anxiety? If so, what was your experience? Share your comments in the box below. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, hypnosis --- ### [10 Ways Alcohol Makes Depression Worse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) **Published:** July 15, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-drinking-alcohol.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [How alcohol and depression interact](#How_alcohol_and_depression_interact) - [What is alcohol abuse?](#What_is_alcohol_abuse) - [Alcohol abuse example](#Alcohol_abuse_example) - [How alcohol worsens depression](#How_alcohol_worsens_depression) - [1. Lowers serotonin and norepinephrine](#1_Lowers_serotonin_and_norepinephrine) - [2. Reduced folic acid](#2_Reduced_folic_acid) - [3. Causes insomnia or hypersomnia](#3_Causes_insomnia_or_hypersomnia) - [4. Depresses brain and nervous system](#4_Depresses_brain_and_nervous_system) - [5. Causes fatigue](#5_Causes_fatigue) - [6. Encourages isolation](#6_Encourages_isolation) - [7. Increases anxiety](#7_Increases_anxiety) - [8. Less physical activity](#8_Less_physical_activity) - [9. Lack of nutrition](#9_Lack_of_nutrition) - [10. Feeling worthless and ashamed](#10_Feeling_worthless_and_ashamed) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## How alcohol and depression interact Have you ever wondered if alcohol affects your mood? Curious if there is a relationship between [drinking and depression](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1360-0443.2010.03351.x/full)? Trying to gather information to help you make healthier choices? If you are answering yes, you wouldn’t be alone. As a counselor who works with men around substance abuse issues, I can tell you one of the most frequently asked questions guys ask is: “Does alcohol make my depression worse?” **The short answer to this question is an unqualified yes**. I decided to pen this piece because many people want to know about this topic. This is especially true for men; a group that historically has trouble talking about [emotions like depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). That said, it’s important to state that the material shared below isn’t confined to just the guys. The hard truth is anyone who drinks wine, whiskey, beer or any other alcoholic beverages can experience a negative effect on mood. Over the course of time, the reliance upon such beverages can transform into abuse. I’ll explain more about this below and have included a video designed to help deepen your understanding. ## What is alcohol abuse? Abuse – you may be wondering what that term means? Here’s the non-clinical answer. In the context of what we are exploring here, it’s when a person drinks alcohol with the goal of medicating their feelings. But doesn’t this make sense? Anytime you use a substance in a way that it wasn’t designed, you are abusing it. I’m going to share a brief example below to help draw a mental picture. ## Alcohol abuse example Mike recently [broke up with his girlfriend](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/). In his heart, he truly thought she was “the one”. But for a number of reasons, things just didn’t work out. Feeling lonely and sad, he started drinking whiskey on weekends to chase away the loneliness. As time went on, Mike found that his alcohol use expanded to weeknights because he continued to feel depressed. And to be sure, the whiskey seemed to temporarily help by allowing him to “check out”. But just as sure as the sun rose, the depression was still there. In fact, it often **made his sadness worse**. At some point, it dawned on Mike that his use of alcohol might be unhealthy. Can you relate? Now that you’ve got the basics, it’s time to explore 10 specific ways drinking can worsen depression. When you read what follows, try to examine the material free of judgment. Some points may seem obvious and others not so much. I encourage you to review them all to increase insight. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in. ## How alcohol worsens depression ![glass of beer ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/beer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Can alcohol make my depression worse? ## 1. Lowers serotonin and norepinephrine When you drink alcohol in excess, it can have a negative effect on important mood-regulating chemicals called serotonin and norepinephrine (neurotransmitters). The more these chemicals dip in your system, the crappier you feel. If you keep drinking, these neurotransmitters struggle to achieve balance. The result is an ongoing, depressed mood. ## 2. Reduced folic acid Research tells us that people who regularly drink experience reductions in folic acid; a member of the B-9 vitamin family. That’s important to know because a lack of folic acid can cause your brain to age faster. And the same lines of research reveal that people living with depression often have serious folic acid deficiencies (Cooper & Bolander-Gouaille, 2005). ## 3. Causes insomnia or hypersomnia If you drink wine, beer, whiskey or other alcoholic beverages, there’s a good chance you already know they can interfere with sleep. But what you may know be aware of is excessive drinking can seriously cause your mood to tank because of insomnia and/hypersomnia. The differences between the two terms go something like this: Insomnia is where you can’t fall asleep. Hypersomnia is where you can’t stay asleep. While certainly different, the end result is the same. The less you sleep, the less your body is able to repair itself and manufacture the neurotransmitters we explored earlier. ## 4. Depresses brain and nervous system Many people do not know this but alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. That’s a critical bit of information because alcohol blocks stress hormones (corticotropins). These are chemicals your body releases to cope with difficult situations. Robbed of cortisol, your mood can take a dive while your irritability increases. ## 5. Causes fatigue An obvious point but worth mentioning. Drinking in excess can make you feel tired. That’s because your body is trying to heal itself from the harmful effects of drinking. It’s called withdrawal. Over the course of time, fatigue has a way of driving your mood downward, which can suck because you don’t have the ability to do the things you want to – like grocery shopping, working out and hanging with friends. ## 6. Encourages isolation We all think of drinking as a social activity. For many people, this is completely true. But for folks who abuse alcohol, not so much. Instead, chugging down beer and wine become a private activity. In many cases, it happens in the privacy of the home and away from friends and family. Fueled by feelings of guilt and shame, the result can be a situation where a person isolates. That’s not a good thing because we know from mounds of research that social interaction is critical to preventing depression. What’s sad about this point is the more the person avoids others, the greater their depression becomes. ## 7. Increases anxiety One of the ways alcohol makes depression worse is by causing you to become anxious. It doesn’t happen from casual drinking but instead from chronic alcohol use. Without getting too clinical, what’s important to know is that alcohol stimulates the automatic nervous system. In turn, this can make you feel more animated and anxious. And because what goes up must come down, your mood will eventually nosedive. Translation: A person who is already depressed feels worse. ## 8. Less physical activity There are many lines of research that us exercise helps people to feel better – physically and emotionally. But when you drink a lot, there’s a good chance meaningful body movement isn’t happening. What’s unfortunate is that the lack of physical activity causes a person already struggling with issues of low self-esteem and/or body image issues to feel worse. ## 9. Lack of nutrition This point is simple. Drinking makes depression worse because you are less likely to feed yourself the nutritious foods your body requires. In fact, the likely scenario is that you will eat unhealthy meals because you don’t have the time or energy to invest in smarter choices. And here’s a little known-fact: alcohol can block vitamins and minerals in your system. In other words, even if you reach for something healthy, drinks have a way of minimizing any benefits. Without these nutrients, your mood can go from bad to worse. ## 10. Feeling worthless and ashamed The final area I’d like to touch on is your emotional state. To make a long story short, depression becomes worse when you feel ashamed about your [drinking behaviors](https://guycounseling.com/drugs-alcohol-quitting-benefits/). Alcohol abuse can also cause you to feel worthless – particularly when it seems like you are **losing control**. These feelings of worthlessness and shame have a way of feeding off one another, which in turns causes more drinking. It can be a never-ending cycle that ultimately brings you to a very dark and desolate place. ## Wrap Up You came to this page because you wanted to know about the relationship between alcohol and depression. The material shared above outlined the basics. There are other issues not mentioned here that can also affect your mood. Examples include pre-existing health conditions, medications you may be taking or other substances you may be using. If you are concerned about how alcohol may be impacting your life, the best thing you can do is talk to your doctor. Be candid about what’s going on and don’t hold anything back. It’s possible your physician will suggest a treatment program. Much will depend on what’s going on in your life, including your history with alcohol and other variables. To learn more about depression, be sure to visit this [information page](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/index.shtml), published by the National Institutes for Health. It’s a great starting point as you continue gathering information. Thanks for stopping by. References: Cooper, A., & Bolander-Gouaille, C. (2005, January 1). *Treatment of depression: time to consider folic acid and vitamin B12*. Retrieved from Journal of Psychopharmacology: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0269881105048899 **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Alcohol, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Esteem --- ### [The Secret To A Longer Life May Be A Happy Spouse](https://guycounseling.com/happy-spouse-longer-life-study/) **Published:** April 25, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![happy couple longer life study](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/happy-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Link drawn between spousal happiness and longevity If you are like most folks, you probably want to live a long and meaningful life. If that’s your goal, you may want to make sure your spouse is happy, according to a new study appearing in the journal [Psychological Science](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0956797619835147). Olga Stavrova, a researcher at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, combed through data from nearly 4,400 American couples over the age of 50 in a nationally representative survey. Over an eight-year period, participants and their spouses provided updates on issues believed to influence mortality, such as support from their partner, exercise frequency, and life satisfaction. Other information was tracked as well, including gender, ethnicity, household income, and age at the beginning of the study. The results showed that at the end of the eight years, around 16% of the participants died. Most of the folks who passed away tended to be older men who were less physically active and less educated. They also were in poorer health and had less money when compared to other participants. And here is what’s super interesting: The spouses of the men who died were more likely to pass away over the eight years when compared to other couples. In the final analysis, the study found that couples with higher life satisfaction at the beginning of the study lived longer.  To be more specific, the **people who had happy spouses were at less risk for dying.** Commenting on the findings from this investigation, Stavrova shared the following: “The data show that spousal life satisfaction was associated with mortality, regardless of individuals’ socioeconomic and demographic characteristics, or their physical health status.” ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/SbxYUcWrfNhlu/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Influences of life satisfaction The term life satisfaction is a complex term, making it difficult to define. In the general sense, this concept can be thought of as how a person views their life from a quality perspective. To be sure, specific attributes can influence life satisfaction. These include things like diet, exercise, and spousal happiness. Stavrova offered the following example: “If your partner is depressed and wants to spend the evening eating chips in front of the TV — that’s how your evening will probably end up looking, as well.” Translation: couples who are happy tend to be more physically active; a behavior [research](https://guycounseling.com/push-ups-health-220/) has consistently shown extends life. Contextualized by the study, Guy Counseling spoke to licensed psychotherapist [Aaron Sternlicht](https://www.familyaddictionspecialist.com/) about strategies to create happiness in a relationship. He believes that mindfulness is where it all starts. “It’s important to understand that becoming mindful is not an event, it’s a process. It takes time, and with consistent practice, you will develop a mindfulness habit,” says Sternlicht. “As soon as you are aware your mind is drifting to the past or future or thinking about something else, bring your thoughts back to your present moment,” he adds. Well, there you have it, folks. Your spouse’s happiness could very well impact how long you live. What do you do to create joy in your marriage? Are you an active couple? **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Marriage, Relationships, Spouse --- ### [30 Minutes Of Cardio Before A Test May Boost Your Scores](https://guycounseling.com/30-minutes-cardio-test-scores/) **Published:** April 26, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cardio man before a test](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/cardio-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Link drawn between cardio and exam taking Are you a student looking for an extra edge when taking an exam? Hoping to find an honest and effective way to boost your test scores? If the answer is yes, listen up – new research appearing in the [Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-the-international-neuropsychological-society/article/semantic-memory-activation-after-acute-exercise-in-healthy-older-adults/07DE0F919CEFBCE268A95474DFA1BC47) (JINS) suggests doing 30 minutes of cardio before taking a test may be super helpful. For this investigation, researchers at the University of Maryland School of Public Health used Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to monitor brain activity in a group of participants between the ages of 55-85. As part of the study, scientists had the participants attend to various memory tasks, including the identification of famous names on two separate days. That’s where the cardio part comes in. On the first day of the experiment, participants were asked to hop on to a stationary bike and knock out 30 minutes of moderate exercise. Afterward, they underwent fMRI brain scanning while taking the “Famous and Non-Famous Name Discrimination Task” test. On the second day of the assessment, the participants had it easier. All they had to do was sit in a laboratory waiting room and chill. Afterward, they took the memory test while undergoing the brain scan. ![Test results](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/interview-expert-on-mens-topics.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Test results boosted by cardio before exam ## Findings from study What investigators discovered was extraordinary. They found that **participants who did 30 minutes of cardio just prior to their memory test significantly recalled more names than the waiting room group.** In addition, the fMRI scan results showed an uptick in activity around an area of the brain called the hippocampus for the cardio group. That is kind of a big deal because the hippocampus is thought to be largely responsible for memory. Here is what [Carson Smith, lead author](https://sph.umd.edu/people/j-carson-smith) of the study, said in a statement about the results: “Just like a muscle adapts to repeated use, single sessions of exercise may flex cognitive neural networks in ways that promote adaptations over time and lend to increased network integrity and function and allow more efficient access to memories,” Smith said. The study’s authors wrote the following in the conclusion of their research: “Coupled with our prior exercise training effects on semantic memory-related activation, these data suggest the acute increase in neural activation after exercise may provide a stimulus for adaptation over repeated exercise sessions.” As a college instructor who teaches courses in psychology and business, I can tell you that I’m always looking for ways to help my students earn better scores on exams. **Related:** [Why listening to music boosts mood](https://guycounseling.com/music-dopamine-happiness-204/) Considering the research appearing in JINS, I’m probably going to encourage my students to do less cramming and more exercise during exam time – particularly in the 30-minutes leading up to a test. The experiment conducted by University of Maryland researchers involved the use of a stationary bike. But I wonder if jumping on a real bicycle or simply going for a light run might yield similar results? According to the study, the participants did moderate levels of cardio as gauged by their [VO2 Max](https://runnersconnect.net/is-vo2-max-worth-spending-for/). It’s easy to imagine replicating “moderate” efforts with other forms of cardio, such as a stair climber, rowing machine or treadmill. At any rate, there you have it, folks. Thirty minutes of cardio before to taking a test may offer the boost you need on exams. **Are you preparing to take a test? If so, would you consider doing some form of exercise before your exam?** **Categories:** News, Psychology, Science **Tags:** cardio, Exam, Test, Testing --- ### [How to Stop Attracting Narcissists](https://guycounseling.com/stop-attracting-narcissists/) **Published:** April 20, 2019 **Author:** AJ Sturges **Content:** ![handsome young man thinking about narcissists in relationships](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/young-man-thinking-about-narcissists-and-relationships.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Here’s how to stop attracting narcissists into your life.  **A Narcissist’s Prayer: That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did… You deserved it. A [narcissist](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656608000901) is a vampire. They want to suck your blood. And not shimmery “Twilight” vampire. We are talking Bram Stoker, *Dracula*, vampire. The kind who plots to gain access to your most private spaces, and travels through mysterious fogs of deception and sleight of hand. Their pasts are murky, and subject to change depending on the environment they are trying to suit. Narcissists are out there, and [more numerous than you think](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/02/narcissism). But why can’t a narcissist keep to themselves? Didn’t Narcissus (of the Greek myth to which the term narcissism is coined) perish staring into the reflecting pool, content to be alone? The answer to why narcissists can’t keep to themselves is because they seek more. More approval. More reinforcement. More examples of conquest and influence to add to their limited supply of confidence (“[Abnormal Psychology Explained](https://guycounseling.com/abnormal-psychology-explained/)”). The narcissist appears confident and secure, but this is a lie. Narcissists live on the edge of peril and must work tirelessly to make sure the baselessness of their confidence is not exposed. They develop playbooks of influence with the people they encounter, and selectively pursue only those who appear vulnerable to their charm. If you have never felt the discomfort of living under a narcissists gaze, that is probably because they are not interested in you. It is the individuals who are too open, too admitting, and too forgiving, who fall under the narcissists spell. **A narcissist may be employed in your company, they may be a client. They may even be a spouse or a family member.** To effectively repel their advances, here are some common traits of the narcissist and how you can prepare yourself. Just like a vampire, a narcissist cannot cross the threshold if you do not first invite them in. **Every time they hurt you, they love you even more for letting them hurt you. You’re amazing to them. They need you, they can’t live without you** Here’s five things to consider as you attempt to rid yourself of narcissistic lovers. Focus on the traits and behaviors. Do any of these ring a bell? ## 1. “We have so much in common. This connection is so rare!” Upon meeting a narcissist, they will seek information. They are listening for vulnerabilities in your personal history through which they can inject a lie or deception. This may come in the form of a story, a shared hobby, or a common acquaintance, presented only to bring you one step closer to trusting them. We tend to trust who we feel we know. To be protected from this, do not over-share (about your life, interests, dislikes, etc.). A narcissist builds familiarity quickly while going out of their way to keep the focus on you (and revealing very little about themselves). This is a common trait of con-artists who are motivated to say exactly what you want to hear. And while it feels like such a relief to be talking with someone who is interested and shares so much in common with you, the first of many deceptions is taking root. If you find yourself doing all the talking, establish some balance, or keep on walking. ## 2. “You can fill in the rest.” When a narcissist isn’t lying about their past (or present), they are offering vague and difficult to prove personal information that encourages the listener to fill in the blanks. Given that many people are willing to offer the “benefit of the doubt” (we are wired to see the best in others), a narcissist’s odd claim or use of murky details can easily be dismissed as a lapse of judgement or common mix up. Incorrect. The vague language is intentional. Narcissists push for their targets to emotionally invest in the conversation by personally creating explanations for the other’s behavior. This makes any future questioning or mistrust of the narcissist very difficult because to question the narcissist would be to question one’s own judgement. Beware of your tendency to provide positive spins on misbehavior. If someone is acting strange (trust your gut!), be comfortable questioning their motives. Acknowledging gaps and inconsistencies just may be enough to drive the narcissist away (“”). ![man healing from narcissistic relationship](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/man-window-reflecting-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Tired of dealing with narcissists? ## 3. “I cannot believe they would do that to you – That’s proof of no respect” A narcissist is quick to put down your family and friends. Listen carefully to how people in your life deliver feedback regarding friends, family, or coworkers. To the narcissist, others are treating you badly and you should be upset about it. Better yet, you must see them for the bad people they truly are and cut them out of your life all together. The narcissist positions themselves as the only one who knows what is best for you. And this can be done in very subtle ways. Highlighting negative features, revisiting negative examples, and sometimes even personally offering their (manufactured) bad experience only reinforces the narcissist’s goal: to put distance between you and the people you care about. **The goal of the narcissist’s behavior is to discredit anyone who may speak poorly of them.** To counter this; keep lines of communication diverse. Seek second and third opinions. And never rely too heavily on one biased opinion (haven’t we learned what biased news sources can do by now?). ## 4. “Can you believe people do that? At least I am not THAT bad.” A narcissist will speak harshly of individuals who drink or act out of anger, but have no problem justifying their own drinking or bouts of rage. Other people drink because they have a problem and can’t control it. The narcissist only drinks when they have a good reason and could choose not to drink if they wanted to. Being unable to admit personal flaws is a form of self-applied manipulation used to strengthen the narcissist’s bloated sense of self. Again, the narcissist expects to receive the benefit of the doubt from those they are close to, and will spend their time convincing others of their good instead of admitting to any wrong. If they do happen to be called out on their poor behavior, the narcissist will cry betrayal and manufacture emotional distress instead of admitting to any wrong. ## 5. Interview with a Vampire The most important lesson to learn about interacting with narcissists is that you are a prop used to feed their inflated sense of self. I’m telling you, you will **never** be seen as an equal. And once you have been manipulated to offer every reassurance you can give, the narcissist will coldly move on. The narcissist preys on our willingness to help (as all humans are inclined to do from time to time) and exploits how [helping behaviors](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201607/5-reasons-we-tell-people-more-we-should) can make us feel good about ourselves. What could be more human? If I am told that I made someone’s day, or that I understand someone better than anyone else has before, I immediately feel empowered, confident, and like I have a purpose in the world. And I would be motivated to feel that way again. But with a narcissist, I could endlessly chase that reward, giving and giving and giving, and come away empty handed. Meanwhile the narcissist becomes bored with my eventual frustration and just move on. The vampire seeks a new host. At its core, **relationships with narcissists promote unhealthy, even addicted cycles of need-fulfillment that end in one person crushed**, and the other in staunch denial of any wrong-doing. Against the narcissist, honesty and truth are your best defenses. Not allowing half-truths, calling out discrepancies, and demanding clarity on yes/ no questions, will demonstrate to any narcissist that you are not a desirable target. Follow this advice and you can be saved from seemingly endless confusion, and eventual disappointment. There’s no need to [soak up negativity like a sponge](https://guycounseling.com/negativity-people-1111/). And although you may not be able to change a narcissist’s ways (there are no “silver bullets”), by applying truth and honesty to your everyday life you can avoid joining their destructive dance. Like a clove of garlic, practicing daily honesty with your relationships can keep these vampires at bay. To learn more about healing from narcissistic relationships and abusive people, I encourage you to pick up a copy of *Psychopath Free* ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2IJuEvv)). You will find this book to be a powerful resource to help you steer clear of people who are emotionally unhealthy. Thanks for stopping by. — Photo Credits: Deposit Photos Related Posts: [I’m still in love with my ex after screwing things up](https://guycounseling.com/still-love-ex-breakup/) [What to do if you are a cheating husband or boyfriend](https://guycounseling.com/cheating-husband-healing/) **Categories:** Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** Abusive, Crazy, Narcissist, Psychopath --- ### [Can Talking During Sex Increase Intimacy?](https://guycounseling.com/talking-intimacy-happiness-study/) **Published:** April 18, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![couple in love talking in bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/couple-in-bed-talking.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Talking during sex may give a boost to your love life, says study Does your partner talk during sex? Do you? Apologies if that question seems personal, but there is a reason I’m asking. You see, according to a recent study released in the *[Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2018.1501446?journalCode=usmt20)*, couples who communicate in bed tend to be more satisfied with their love life. And just so there is no confusion – “talking” doesn’t have to happen verbally. You can use body language, sounds, eye contact, caressing, and other non-verbal cues as part of the dynamic. If you the thought of talking during intimacy makes you uneasy, it may be helpful to practice a bit of mindfulness and go from there. Guy Counseling spoke to Licensed Psychotherapist and Certified Sex Therapist [Natalie Finegood](http://www.creatingchangela.com/) about the study to gain her impressions. She helps her Los Angeles clients to become closer with one another. “Focusing on sensations is the number one way to stay present in your body and get out of your head! What am I touching right now? What does that feel like it? What/where else do I want to touch my partner? What do I notice as I touch my partner?” suggests Finegood. By drawing your awareness to the present moment and then using a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication approaches, you can increase satisfaction. Here’s what the researchers wrote in a paper regarding their study. ## The study’s takeaways “Our findings suggest that use of verbal or nonverbal communication, specifically, is less significant to one’s sexual satisfaction when individuals are satisfied with their sexual communication. In other words, trying to ascribe to a particular communication style may be less important than simply being satisfied within a relationship with a particular communication style.” For this investigation, scientists surveyed around 400 people to assess how often they talked in the bedroom and the types of communications they engaged in (verbal, non-verbal. They also examined how often their significant other communicated. ![couple intimacy communications](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/extramarital-affair.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Talking during sex can increase happiness in your relationship Additionally, the investigators also recorded how happy participants were with their sex lives, their sexual communications and (in the general sense) their relationship. The results showed that the more couples communicated during intimacy, (in all its different forms) the happier and more satisfied they were with their love life. **Translation: The more a couple talks during sex, the better the experience**. When you think about this topic for a moment, doesn’t it make sense? Have you ever been with someone who didn’t communicate in the bedroom – in any way? When reflecting on this experience, did you find the experience to be fulfilling? Now compare the above to sharing intimacy with a partner who was talkative (verbal and non-verbal). Didn’t that experience feel much more satisfying? ![cute couple talking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/black-couple-holding-hands.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Communication is a skill that requires development ## Developing your sex-talk skills  We know from [previous research](https://guycounseling.com/complimenting-partner-intimacy/) that complimenting your partner during intimacy can lead to a hotter experience. The trick is to talk in ways that come off as sincere and not phony. Many people are reluctant to talk during sex or be emotive because they fear being vulnerable (particularly men). But this study suggests that if you step outside of your comfort zone and employ various forms of communication, you can seriously help your relationship. Like most things in life, the art of bedroom communication is a skill that takes time to develop. [Dr. George Bell](http://www.heritagecounseling.net/), a licensed psychologist in Dallas, shared the following with Guy Counseling. “I tell the men I work with that after one piano lesson, you shouldn’t expect to be Beethoven. Therefore, mindfulness around talking and intimacy is something you cultivate in life through repeated practice,” says Bell. As a starting point, it may help to increase your confidence around intimacy and communication. One way to accomplish this is through guided imagery by stepping into your [circle of mental excellence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/). So, there you have it, folks. If you are hoping to spice up your love life and increase happiness, try some form of talking the next time you and your mate are in the bedroom. **Categories:** News, Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** happiness, intimacy, Talking --- ### [How to Move on From a Relationship For Broken Hearts](https://guycounseling.com/move-on-relationship-broken-heart/) **Published:** April 16, 2019 **Author:** AJ Sturges **Content:** ![move on from a relationship broken heart](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/move-on-relationship-broken-heart.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Coping strategies when you want to move on from a relationship](#Coping_strategies_when_you_want_to_move_on_from_a_relationship) - [Moving On From a Relationship Hurts](#Moving_On_From_a_Relationship_Hurts) - [1. Accept (and Embrace) That Hurting Is Part of Healing](#1_Accept_and_Embrace_That_Hurting_Is_Part_of_Healing) - [2. Lose Visual Reminders of Relationship](#2_Lose_Visual_Reminders_of_Relationship) - [3. Focus on Self-Care (Big Time)](#3_Focus_on_Self-Care_Big_Time) - [4. Lean Into Your Support System](#4_Lean_Into_Your_Support_System) - [5. Remember, This Too Will Pass](#5_Remember_This_Too_Will_Pass) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## Coping strategies when you want to move on from a relationship Breakups happen every day. \[But you are the only person who has ever been broken up with\]. A song is being played on the radio for thousands of area listeners. \[The emotional chorus is specifically about you\]. You have formed, managed, and shaped countless relationships throughout your life. \[This was the only relationship you have and ever will know\] … and now it is gone. A brain recovering from the initial shock of the loss of a primary attachment (whether long or short term) will frantically scan the environment for reminders of the safety and security it so strongly connected to. Pictures, songs, artifacts, locations. ## Moving On From a Relationship Hurts Everything in the environment is primed to return our attention to that attachment we crave, even though the person it is associated with is gone. Picture the lonely scavenger; hungry and in search of breadcrumbs leftover from a main course. Whatever scraps are found will never sustain a healthy life, but in the face of starvation, the brain will blindly persist. This is the reason that days or even weeks after a breakup, our minds can feel foggy, preoccupied, and even detached from the rest of the world. The brain is in every sense in survival mode, and working tirelessly to either regain the lost relationship, or avoid the unpleasant inevitability of realized loneliness (“”). Breakup responses are strong because they cut to the very core of our human desire to be connected, social creatures. **We need to feel needed. It helps us feel safe.** And so, there is good news and there is bad news. The bad news is that you cannot (and should not) avoid the natural sense of loss and distress that comes with losing an important personal attachment. Just as we are wired to seek close connections and to have our most basic needs met through and with another, we are also vulnerable to a sense of pain when that connection is lost. The good news, however, is that you can anticipate and adapt to the predictable cognitive changes that occur following breakup, which can help you pass through the challenging times more easily and more efficiently. I’m going to share 5 coping strategies for moving on from a relationship. And while it’s true [men deal with breakups differently than women](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/), the tips below are applicable to all people, regardless of gender. ![moving on past a relationship after a breakup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-ocean.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Hurting is part of healing ## 1. Accept (and Embrace) That Hurting Is Part of Healing Your breakup is going to hurt. You cannot (and should not) avoid this. However, take solace in knowing that many others have gone through breakups before you, and many more will find their ways after. Whether you are the breaker or the breakee, you are going to experience a sense of loss. Your brain is going to be operating at an emotional deficit which will need to be acknowledged and addressed for you to regain a sense of stability moving forward. Apply some self-acceptance, some gratitude at the beginning. Tell yourself, “this is going to be hard, but I’ll get through it.” ## 2. Lose Visual Reminders of Relationship Following the breakup, you brain will automatically be seeking reminders of the previous relationship. Don’t make that process any easier than necessary. Put away pictures, gather and stow belongings, and step away from the social media. Easier said than done (your recovering brain will be horrified at the prospect of losing access to those pictures from that thing you did together), but establishing distance from reminders, and especially social media can be critical to your healthy recovery from the breakup. Imagine a hammer. You are holding the hammer. The hammer represents feeling poorly about the breakup. Looking at pictures or reminders is like hitting yourself in the head with said hammer. Why would we do this to ourselves? As previously mentioned, your primitive brain is floundering to get traction towards regaining this lost attachment. It will go to great (and unhealthy) lengths to motivate us to attach again. ![healing after a breakup and moving on with self care man walking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Self-care matters ## 3. Focus on Self-Care (Big Time) When something important is removed from your emotional ecosystem, you must purposefully choose what will replace it. If you do not act with intention and clarity, you leave open the potential for unhealthy and non-sustainable forms of soothing and coping to take root. Temporary coping mechanisms include drugs, alcohol, flings, or over-indulgence in its many forms. The problem with these “feel good quick” schemes is that when the pleasure gains fade away, we are left either back where we started, or further behind. Like throwing a Band-Aid over a wound. In all cases, we are avoiding an inevitable confrontation with the emotional disruption caused by the breakup. And so, we should take sustainable [steps that improve our health](https://guycounseling.com/7-secrets-of-people-who-happily-embrace-regular-exercise/), speak to our values, and improve our capacity for future endeavors. Exercise. Rediscover your hobbies. Make time for family/social interactions. These forms of coping and self-nurturing can be the clean stitches that close the wound of the lost relationship and will continue to yield satisfaction long-term. ## 4. Lean Into Your Support System The brain senses a loss. In its urgency, there is likely one question that will be asked again and again and again. That question is “why?”. In the throes of an unpleasant breakup, your brain will be motivated to act and remedy the situation. The undesirable is unacceptable, and we must plan to step forward. Left to its own devices, your mind will offer countless rationalizations towards reaching out to your ex, seeking them out in public, or writing an emotional letter to explain your side of the story. As many have probably experienced, this is not often a good idea. In a heightened emotional state post-breakup, it is important to hand the emotional “keys” to a designated friend of confidant. Allow them to present their view of the lost relationship and listen to whether they saw it as beneficial. Granted, they will likely be motivated to tell you a bit of what you want to hear (“you’re so great”, and “they don’t deserve you”), but if given the chance to listen instead of plot, your brain may allow for a moment of relief and healing. Keep in mind, following a breakup, the brain is working at an emotional deficit and should utilize all the help it can get. ## 5. Remember, This Too Will Pass Perhaps the most important way that you can move on from a relationship is to repeat the mantra, *This Too Will Pass*. Sure, that may sound overly simplistic but sometimes **simple can be powerful**. The hard truth is your mind – and your heart, are working through a trauma. In turn, this can make you make it seem like the pain will never end. But I’ve got news for you – it will. Just as sure as the sun rose from the east on this day and set in the west, it will. All of us heal at different speeds. The pace of that healing is largely determined by your personal life story and the depth of your feelings towards another. That’s why it’s so important to tell yourself ***this too will pass***, even if you don’t believe it in the moment. By doing this, you literally send your brain the message to dial down anxiety and avoid the trap of “foreverizing”. You’ve heard of that term, right? Foreverizing happens when you think a feeling will be with you for eternity. I wish that I could tell you [hypnosis could make you forget about someone](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-forget-someone/) or take away the pain. But that wouldn’t be honest. But what I can tell you, [based on science](https://journals.lww.com/familyandcommunityhealth/Abstract/2003/01000/Mindfulness_Meditation,_Anxiety_Reduction,_and.4.aspx), is that meditation can reduce the intensity of your emotions and help you move closer toward healing. Above, I’ve included a guided imagery video. Why not give it a try and see how it works for you? ## Bringing It All Together After a breakup, does it take the length of the relationship to heal? Probably not. Do we ever really forget the people who were important to us or played a large role in our lives? Of course not. To right the ship, you need to remind yourself (and the part of you that NEEDS someone to be with and depend on) that you are going to be okay. When that part of you is soothed, reassured and not allowed to take over the controls, then you will be less disturbed when reminded of the breakup. You may still feel poorly about it, but the boat won’t rock as much. Maybe one day it won’t even rock at all. And the sad song on the radio might just be for some one else. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0738213284&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0738213284/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0738213284&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=4b3da56307369bcce25acf49dc414138)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0738213284) **Categories:** Mind, Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** Break Up, Break Ups, Divorce, Healing --- ### [Hypnosis May Help Reduce Pain and Anxiety After Surgery, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-surgery-pain-anxiety/) **Published:** April 11, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hypnosis pain anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/anxiety-man-meditation.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Promising new findings for hypnosis Wouldn’t it be great if there was a natural way to cope with pain in the days following a complicated surgery? Moreover, what would it be like to have a practical, mindful approach to surgical anxiety? Well, according to a new [study](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00207144.2019.1580975) published in the International Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis (IJCEH), hypnosis could make for viable options. I’m not making this up. According to the study, hypnosis, delivered through pre-recorded soundtracks, helped a group of patients ameliorate their pain while recovering from total knee replacement surgery (TKR). What’s more, these hypnotic interventions also lowered their anxiety throughout the surgical process, causing them to catastrophize less around pain fears. ## The study For this study, U.S. and Malaysian investigators randomly assigned 25 participants hypnotic soundtracks as part of TKR. Patients were monitored for six months after the study to gauge their impressions of pain and overall anxiety levels. The results showed that for people who listened to the hypnotic recordings, their perceptions of pain were moderately reduced. Moreover, these same patients experienced significantly less post-surgical acute pain and perioperative anxiety. In clinical terms, [perioperative anxiety](https://www.oatext.com/Perioperative-anxiety-A-short-review.php) can be described as intense feelings of worry in the run-up leading to a procedure. An example might be fearing death after open heart surgery or concerns about intense pain after a shoulder replacement. Investigators believe the findings from this study warrant a full clinical trial to assess how prerecorded hypnosis may help others undergoing TKR. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/vgw9iixBqZJsI/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Previous Hypnosis Studies Previous research related to pain amelioration and hypnosis has shown promising results. A [2008 IJCEH study](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00207140903310824) found that hypnotic interventions significantly helped people to manage chronic back pain better. A 2018 pilot study published in the [Journal of Complementary and Integrative Medicine](https://www.degruyter.com/view/j/jcim.2018.15.issue-4/jcim-2017-0084/jcim-2017-0084.xml) showed hypnotherapy assisted sufferers of chronic pancreatitis experience less intense pain during flare-ups. Clinical hypnosis has also been shown to [reduce feelings of depression and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) among people struggling with mixed episode mood disorders. At present, some medical institutions, such as [Northwestern Medical Center](https://www.nm.org/conditions-and-care-areas/treatments/hypnosis) in Chicago, already use hypnotherapy as part of a comprehensive treatment approach for patients with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. At one time, the term “hypnosis” was associated with a woo-woo factor, thanks to misrepresentations in the popular media. But in recent years, interest in the study of hypnotic interventions has experienced a resurgence as many healthcare providers (and their patients) search for natural approaches to wellness. So, will your doctor prescribe a hypnotic recording in the future for pain and anxiety? It’s too soon to say, but according to existing lines of research, it’s certainly a possibility. Have you undergone hypnosis as part of a medical procedure? If so, what was your experience? Please share your comments below. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Hypnotherapy, Pain --- ### [10 Best Books for Bodybuilders To Get Your Muscle On](https://guycounseling.com/10-best-bodybuilding-books/) **Published:** December 13, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** [![best bodybuilding books](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/bodybuilding.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/bodybuilding.jpg?ssl=1) Best bodybuilding books to get your muscle on There’s a misconception about bodybuilding – that it’s for thoughtless brutes who aren’t smart. That’s simply not true. There’s a science to bodybuilding and strength training that goes beyond the weight room, beyond the supplement aisle at the health store. Insightful philosophies, eye-opening personal stories, and groundbreaking techniques can be found in bodybuilding books. Here are the Top 10 Books about bodybuilding. [![weight lifting martial arts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/back-muscle-beach-ocean.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/back-muscle-beach-ocean.jpeg?ssl=1) ### **1. You Are Your Own Gym: The Bible of Bodyweight Exercises**  Mark Lauren made a name for himself by training US Special Forces, competing in Muay Thai kickboxing and holding the DOD’s record for swimming underwater for 133 meters on just one breath. He’s the unofficial expert on bodyweight exercises and his book ***You Are Your Own Gym*** is a must-have for bodybuilders. This book contains 125 bodyweight exercises that you can do without a gym fee. Some people might doubt that you can have big gains with bodyweight exercises, but this book clarifies the purpose of bodyweight strength-training and takes you beyond simple push-ups and chin-ups. One of the best things about *You Are Your Own Gym: The Bible of Bodyweight Exercises* is that every skill level can find useful information inside. The exercises are broken down in categories: Basic, 1st Class, Master Class and Chief Class. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2UyRQAh) ### **2. Strength Training: The Complete Step-by-Step Guide to a Stronger, Sculpted Body** This step-by-step guide to building strength was a joint effort by experts with the British Weight Lifting Association (BWLA). You benefit from getting multiple viewpoints, techniques and strategies all in the same volume. There are 256 pages of thorough exercise demonstrations with full color illustrations throughout. They don’t just show you exercises, the experts who compiled this manual give you tips, tricks, and adaptations to take your strength training regimen even further. ***Strength Training*** is a book you can take with you to the gym because most of the exercises are on a single page and the entire book opens flat, so you can see every detail clearly. There is a special emphasis on building an aesthetic physique, as well. So, if you want 8-pack abs or high-arching lats, then this is the bodybuilding book for you. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2UECslW) ### 3. **Building the Classic Physique: The Natural Way** Before there was Arnold, there was Steve Reeves. Steve Reeves is the old school bodybuilder that set the standard for what a strong, natural, masculine physique should look like. His physical measurements were the gold standard for decades. His book is aptly titled – ***Building the Classic Physique – The Natural Way.*** Beginners will find this book interesting, but it’s better served in the hands of someone who has been bodybuilding for at least a full year. There is a wealth of advice in this book that has become common knowledge among contemporary bodybuilders, but you must consider the fact that Steve Reeves originated many of these concepts – like the amount of repetitions and sets, the amount of weight you should lift to max out, and nutritional guides specific for lifters. This isn’t much of a manual for individual exercise, but a wonderful reference, confidence builder, and show piece. [Check out Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2rxcHGK) ### **[![body building lifting weights at gum](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/body-building-advanced-training-techniques-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/body-building-advanced-training-techniques.jpg?ssl=1)** ### **4. Bodybuilding: A Scientific Approach** This is not a book for novice bodybuilders. Even professional bodybuilders might need the help of a medical professional or a highly-proficient personal trainer to decipher all the scientific knowledge that is contained in this text. Dr. Frederick C. Hatfield was a world champion powerlifter and held his PHD in sport science. He was also the co-founder of the International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA) – the governing body that certifies personal trainers. This book is nearly 400 pages and has detailed charts for exercises, anatomy, nutrition, scheduling, the whole works. This is the book you reach for when that pesky guy at the gym thinks he knows everything about squats. ***Bodybuilding: A Scientific Approach*** can help you as the definitive reference guide for bodybuilding. Find out why you’re [hitting a plateau](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/), compare free weights to machines, find the best sources for more natural protein, all backed up by scientific research. [Look at Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2UH6eX1) ### **5. Jim Stoppani’s Encyclopedia of Muscle & Strength** You wanna gain muscle mass? Then, this is the book for you. You wanna learn every variation of the bench press. Then, get your hands on this book. Jim Stoppani is covered in tattoos, but he also holds a doctorate in exercise physiology, he’s a celebrity personal trainer and he’s responsible for most of the actionable content from Muscle & Fitness and STACK magazines. His ***Encyclopaedia of Muscle & Strength*** is a bodybuilder’s best friend. Stoppani’s book shows you how to use literally every single piece of equipment in a standard weight training gym and empowers you to customize your own training regimen based on your specific bodybuilding goals. There’re over 115 training programs inside this book that you can remix and tweak on your own.  Dr. Stoppani is an expert in nutrition and supplements so there’s an entire section of this book dedicated to burning fat and building muscle through the nutrients you take into your body. [Click Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2UDYbKQ) ### **6. The New Encyclopaedia of Modern Bodybuilding** If you’re looking to build a collection of bodybuilding books, then Schwarzenegger’s ***The New Encyclopaedia of Modern Bodybuilding*** simply must become a part of your library. It’s the most popular book about bodybuilding, and it’s actually quite insightful to the sport of bodybuilding. Perhaps because it’s written by Arnold Schwarzenegger (a huge celebrity), this book has a polarizing effect on the strength-training community. You either love it or you hate it. Some people find the training routines to be specifically for steroid abusers and of little use to natural lifters. Controversy aside, Schwarzenegger’s bible of bodybuilding contains useful information about competitive bodybuilding, sculpting the ideal physique and mitigating sport-related injuries. You also get Arnold’s tips, tricks and motivational monologues peppered throughout the entire volume of this massive 800-page tome. Beginners who are interested in learning more about weightlifting history and veterans who want a point of comparison will find this book useful, and it certainly makes for a great conversation starter near the plate rack. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2UDBqGN) [![weight training books](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/muscular-handsome-athletic-man-outside.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/muscular-handsome-athletic-man-outside.jpg?ssl=1) ### **7. The Poliquin Principles: Successful Methods for Strength and Mass Development** This book is aimed at bodybuilding athletes who want to take their strength training to the next level and bulk up to beast mode. It was written by Charles Poliquin, who was a Canadian trainer for the nation’s Olympic powerlifting team and several NHL teams. ***The Poliquin Principles*** focuses specifically on muscular hypertrophy, a form of training that produces massive muscle growth, not necessarily muscular strength. If physique is your main bodybuilding goal, then the information in this book will be of significant use to you. This book was first written in 1997 and some of the information and the layout of the exercise illustrations are understandably a bit dated. However, the knowledge is sound. It’s just specifically geared to a certain type of weightlifter – one who is willing to train with intense exercise variations, vein-popping super sets and delve into near-madness to achieve godlike gains. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2SL2br3) ### **8. High-Intensity Training the Mike Mentzer Way** Considered the antithesis of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bodybuilding book, Mike Mentzer’s training guide is all about high intensity interval training or HIT. ***The Mike Mentzer Way*** burns more calories, burns more fat, and boosts oxygen levels in a shorter amount of time than traditional weight lifting techniques. Mike Mentzer might be on to something here. After all, he was the first man to receive a perfect score in the Mr. Universe competition. The techniques in this book are certainly different. Mentzer encourages you to take shorter, more intense repetitions and longer periods of rest. One highlight of the book is that Mentzer provides alternate exercises if the one he has prescribed is beyond your skill level. This book mainly contains philosophies and exercise routines for the advanced bodybuilder who wants maximum size and strength in the least amount of time, someone who is willing to thumb their nose at conventional wisdom and try something different. Mike Mentzer might owe most of his gains to phenomenal genetics, but his HIT method is worth trying out if you want to break through a plateau or push yourself to the limits. [Check out Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2SGVuX1) ### **[![bodybuilding books](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/bodybuilder.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/bodybuilder.jpeg?ssl=1)** ### **9. Bigger Leaner Stronger: The Simple Science of Building the Ultimate Male Body** The cover of this book might already be grafted onto your subconscious because it’s the number one best-selling bodybuilding books on the market. The goal of ***Bigger, Leaner, Stronger*** is to eliminate misconceptions and unnecessary techniques that surround your strength-training and fitness goals. Michael Matthews is anti-super set, anti-supplement, and anti-cardio. This book focuses on a handful of bodybuilding exercises that when done properly will show phenomenal results in record time. It talks about self-discipline yet doesn’t believe in restricting your diet. Matthews encourages you to throw away your supplements, only to offer you his own brand of supplements in the last chapter of the book. In fact, this book is all about the sale. ***Bigger, Leaner, Stronger*** promises that you can have it all for less than you think, but rarely rises above the general bodybuilding knowledge that can be found in other books. The saving grace of this book is that it takes away all the guesswork of bodybuilding and streamlines every aspect of the process. [Click Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2QRAeQQ) ### **10. Strength Training Anatomy, 3rd Edition** Here’s a bodybuilding best-seller that combines 600+ amazing illustrations, timeless strength-building advice, and tons of gym exercises, all in the same place. If this book had more bodybuilding information, then it would be a university textbook. ***Strength Training Anatomy*** is for the thinking weightlifter who wants to delve into the mechanics of bodybuilding in order to pluck out some true gems of strength-building knowledge. There is an emphasis on free weight exercises in this book. So, if you were looking for Smith machine techniques, then you’ll be disappointed. That’s the only reason this book doesn’t rank higher on the list of the 10 best bodybuilding books. Delavier’s writing style is clear and concise. The book is laid out and arranged according to body part. So, if you have a special desire to get that rounded curve on the short head bicep muscle, you can easily find that muscle group and plenty of exercises that will help you receive the desired result. [Visit Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2EqIJwF) **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** bodybuilding, bodybuilding motivation, muscle --- ### [8 Red Flags You May Have Overtraining Syndrome](https://guycounseling.com/overtraining-syndrome-8-signs-body-builders/) **Published:** October 5, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![bodybuilder over training syndrome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/over-training-syndrome.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [Overtraining Signs and Symptoms Explored](#Overtraining_Signs_and_Symptoms_Explored) - [Overtraining and Body Builders](#Overtraining_and_Body_Builders) - [Overtraining Syndrome Signs and Symptoms](#Overtraining_Syndrome_Signs_and_Symptoms) - [Overtraining: 8 Signs and Symptoms](#Overtraining_8_Signs_and_Symptoms) - [Overtraining Syndrome: The Spiral](#Overtraining_Syndrome_The_Spiral) - [Overtraining Syndrome: Recovery](#Overtraining_Syndrome_Recovery) - [How Much Time Off?](#How_Much_Time_Off) - [Overtraining Summary](#Overtraining_Summary) ## **Overtraining Signs and Symptoms Explored** Are you feeling a bit down, unmotivated to hit the weights? Do you have problems concentrating on your lifts? Have you experienced sleep disturbances recently? If so, you *may* be suffering from [overtraining syndrome](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3435910/). Overtraining syndrome can be defined as: a sudden decline in performance and physiological function that cannot be remedied by taking a few days off from the gym, reducing the amount of weight being lifted or by adjusting diet. Overtraining syndrome (OTS) impacts the body builder physiologically and psychologically with presenting symptoms in both areas.  OTS is not a result of a body builder working out sick. ## **Overtraining and Body Builders** At some point along the way, most body builders, weight lifters and gym enthusiasts will experience a certain degree of overtraining syndrome. This happens when a person is trying to add new muscle mass, make new muscle gains or is working through muscle plateaus. The phenomenon of overtraining syndrome is not unique to body builders. In fact, any athlete who is involved with physical training can find themselves victim to this problem. Body builders and others involved in weight lifting however, seem to struggle a bit more with OTS. This makes sense when you consider the fact that body builders are constantly tearing muscle down and rebuilding it with the goal of creating new growth. ## **![muscular strength defined](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/muscular-strength.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Overtraining Syndrome Signs and Symptoms** Pretty much all of the symptoms from overtraining (aka overtraining syndrome) are subjective in nature and must be balanced in their totality along with other OTS signs and symptoms. I will give you the 8 markers for OTS in a moment but let’s define the term ***sign*** and ***symptom*** so you know what to look out for. **Sign:** An observable feature or characteristic in an individual that suggests a medical issue. Example: A person who has a cold may have a runny nose and persistent cough that others notice. Signs are observation based. **Symptom:** Something a person reports to others as part of a condition. Example: A person with a cold may say they feel tired, have a headache and a scratchy throat. Symptoms are self-reported. Knowing what signs and symptoms can help you as a body builder examine the larger picture of what may be going on with your body so that you can arrive at a more accurate self-diagnosis. ## **Overtraining: 8 Signs and Symptoms** Keep in mind that usually the first indication of OTS is a decline in physical performance. Commonly, the body builder will sense a loss of muscular strength, coordination and exercise capacity (symptoms). The Big 8 as I like to call them include: **1.** Change in appetite; **2.** Loss in body weight; **3.** Sleep disturbances 4\. Irritable mood, anxiety and restlessness **5.** Loss of motivation to train **6.** Problems focusing and concentrating **7.** Feelings of depression and; **8.**  Anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure) [![over training syndrome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Counseling-men-with-men-problems.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Counseling-men-with-men-problems.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Overtraining Syndrome: The Spiral** Some bodybuilders overtrain out of a misbelief that more workouts produces more results, as in bigger muscle growth. As their results begin to diminish, a paradox takes place where the body builder will work out even harder in an effort to compensate and move past a perceived plateau. This is where the body builder OTS spiral takes place, pushing the lifter further and further into full on overtraining syndrome. Some of the signs include people noticing that you seem irritable or “not yourself”. Others may remark that you look tired and worn out, probably as a result of you not getting enough sleep. Workout buddies may ask if you have lost weight, which usually can be attributed to a loss of appetite. See how the signs and symptoms work? [![hypnotherapy chicago homework](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnotherapy-chicago-homework.jpg?resize=499%2C353&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnotherapy-chicago-homework.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Overtraining Syndrome: Recovery** This is the part you will probably not like to read. Recovery from overtraining syndrome is only possible when you take time off from the gym all together and focus on self care. Some coaches and personal trainers will suggest a few days of light training as opposed to heavy training as a remedy. In my experience, this well intentioned advice is simply not right. It is important to note there is a difference between muscle fatigue and overtraining syndrome. With muscle fatigue, your muscles are having problems generating force. With overtraining syndrome, your entire body is affected, meaning physiological and psychological issues are taking place across the spectrum. [![arm workouts biceps triceps](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/arm-workouts-biceps-triceps.jpg?resize=500%2C354&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/arm-workouts-biceps-triceps.jpg?ssl=1) ## **How Much Time Off?** Generally speaking, a bodybuilder who is struggling with overtraining syndrome should take a minimum of 7 days off from the gym but 14 days is ideal. During this break, this means no going in to the gym for cardio, no popping in to do light reps and no “quick workouts” on a machine. Time off from the gym means just that – time off. This is easier said than done because working out on a regular and for some, daily basis, is part of a deeply ingrained, ritualized pattern for lifters. In plain speak, working out is part of their routine and by extension, their identity. Some body builders will find that counseling may be necessary to help them understand the root cause of why they regularly push themselves beyond their limits. Underlying issues may be part of the OTS mix, including body image issues and challenges around self-esteem. Finding a counselor who practices humanistic psychology can be helpful as part of a long term strategy for wellness and OTS prevention. ## **Overtraining Summary** It goes without saying that any or all of the symptoms associated with overtraining syndrome can be linked to a medical problem. It is for this reason that body builders and other athletes should get examined by their doctor to rule out potential medical causes for this condition. Individuals with pre-existing health problems, such as a compromised immune system, may be more susceptible to OTS than others. Taking a [mindfulness based approach](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/) to body building can be an effective way to prevent and work through overtraining syndrome.  I am including a book recommendation here to help so that you can incorporate elements of mindfulness into your approach to bodybuilding and wellness. There is also a poll below for you to register your own experiences with OTS and compare them to your fellow body builders. I hope you found this post helpful. Thanks for visiting. Please LIKE on Facebook and share on Twitter! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Exercise, muscle, Overtraining Syndrome, Working Out --- ### [People Are Wearing Anxiety Bracelets In Latest Fashion Trend](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-bracelets-488/) **Published:** April 8, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anxiety bracelet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/anxiety-bracelet-leather-wristband.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Anxiety bracelets are the new thing for reducing stress Did you hear the news? Anxiety bracelets have become all the rage for many people looking for something tangible to encourage calmness. I’m being completely serious. In many cases, the bracelets are made of crystals and designed to [balance a person’s chakras](https://guycounseling.com/root-chakra-affirmations/).  Wearers of the bracelet believe the stones help to soothe their anxieties and ameliorate stress. Guy Counseling spoke to a Jen San Juan about why she wears the bracelet. She’s a makeover artist at [Chicago Hair Extensions](https://chicagohairextensionssalon.com/). ## Some say they feel calmer “I just feel the bracelet helps me to stay calm and avoid becoming panicked. A friend told me about it a few months ago when she gave it to me as a gift. Ever since wearing it, I’ve felt a lot more centered when I’m at work,” San Juan said. And if you think these bracelets are just for women, think again. The trend seems to have caught on with guys. We talked to one man who finds the wristwear helpful and fashionable. “I’ve been wearing mine for the last year. My girlfriend gave it to me as a birthday gift because I was recently diagnosed with panic disorder. Here’s the crazy thing – ever since wearing, I haven’t experienced any more attacks,” said [Joey Sasso](https://www.minookalandscaping.com/) to our writing staff. “A lot of guys are wearing them. You can even get [rope bracelets](https://guycounseling.com/mens-leather-bracelets-best-choice-guide/) with the crystals tied into them. They look super cool! I know a lot of my gym buddies wear them because it supposedly helps you to focus on the weights. I know that sounds stupid, but I’m just telling you what I’ve seen,” Sasso adds. ![anxiety bracelet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/anxiety-bracelet.jpg?resize=561%2C381&ssl=1)Anxiety bracelets are said to encourage calmness The use of stones and crystals as pathways to alternative healing have experienced an upsurge in recent years. People who wear the stones believe they act as conduits to better health, encouraging positive energy flow throughout the body. In addition to wearing these items of jewelry, some also use the stones as a tapping device during times of high stress. In this way, they are similar to [fidget spinners](http://www.fox5ny.com/news/what-is-a-fidget-spinner); a toy that has become hugely popular in recent years. “You can tap on them when you feel anxious. It gives you something to do with your hands,” Sasso shared with us. ## What the science says To date, there have been no clinical studies that prove wearing crystals heals or cures any condition, including anxiety. Tapping on body parts, however \[such as a bear wrist\], as part of the Emotional Freedom Technique, has shown promise with reducing anxiety, according to a 2016 study published in [The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease](https://insights.ovid.com/crossref?an=00005053-201605000-00009). That said, many folks in the medical community consider the use of crystals to be a pseudoscience. Lacking medical proof  hasn’t stopped new agers, Reiki proponents and massage professionals from extolling the virtues of [crystal healing](https://remedygrove.com/bodywork/Heal-Yourself-With-Crystals). Use of stones in certain environments are said to encourage calmness, but there has been zero scientific evidence to back up such claims. ## Mental health expert chimes in We spoke to [Dr. George Ball](https://www.heritagecounseling.net/), a licensed psychologist in Dallas to gain his impressions. “Most reported benefits of fidget spinners and anxiety bracelets are anecdotal. Some research indicates that individuals suffering from ADHD benefit from movement. However, fidget spinners and anxiety bracelets do not require much movement and therefore their purported benefits are often over-exaggerated,” said Ball. “This is not to say that someone can’t experience a positive benefit from them, only that they shouldn’t look to an anxiety bracelet as a cure-all. I would instead recommend that person seek out therapeutic help from a licensed mental health professional who is proficient in evidenced-based practices for anxiety such as CBT,” Ball adds. So, there you have it, folks. Anxiety wristbands to de-stress and calm. Have you worn this form of wristwear? If so, what has been your experience? Share your comments below. **Related:** [Can hypnosis help with anxiety?](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety, CBT, Crystals, Healing --- ### [10 Powerful Ways To Receive Spiritual Guidance](https://guycounseling.com/spiritual-guidance/) **Published:** April 7, 2019 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![Receive Spiritual Guidance](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Receive-Spiritual-Guidance.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Learn How To Receive Spiritual Guidance](#Learn_How_To_Receive_Spiritual_Guidance) - [Spiritual Guidance Defined](#Spiritual_Guidance_Defined) - [Divine Guidance and Example Religions](#Divine_Guidance_and_Example_Religions) - [Non-Religious Peoples](#Non-Religious_Peoples) - [Divine Guidance and Example Non-Religious](#Divine_Guidance_and_Example_Non-Religious) - [How To Receive Spiritual Guidance](#How_To_Receive_Spiritual_Guidance) - [1. Openness Meditation](#1_Openness_Meditation) - - [Suggestions](#Suggestions) - [2. Practicing Loving Kindness](#2_Practicing_Loving_Kindness) - [Variations of Loving Kindness](#Variations_of_Loving_Kindness) - [3. Studying Your Dreams](#3_Studying_Your_Dreams) - [Dream Journaling Suggestions](#Dream_Journaling_Suggestions) - [4. Read Spiritual Material](#4_Read_Spiritual_Material) - [Suggestions When Reading](#Suggestions_When_Reading) - [5. Be With Nature](#5_Be_With_Nature) - [Nature Suggestions](#Nature_Suggestions) - [7. Bond With Animals](#7_Bond_With_Animals) - [Suggestions](#Suggestions-2) - [8. Daily Prayer](#8_Daily_Prayer) - [Prayer Suggestions](#Prayer_Suggestions) - [9. Identify Your Spirit Guide](#9_Identify_Your_Spirit_Guide) - [Spirit Guide Suggestions](#Spirit_Guide_Suggestions) - [10. Change Your Routine](#10_Change_Your_Routine) - [Suggestions for Change](#Suggestions_for_Change) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) - - [References](#References) ## Learn How To Receive Spiritual Guidance Spiritual guidance is a term we often hear but what does it really mean? Can you receive help with a problem from beyond? If the answer yes, how can you make this happen? As a shaman and spiritual counselor, I’m often asked these types of questions, particularly from people in recovery from an addiction. Perhaps you can relate? My hope in penning this piece is to help provide answers while dispelling common myths. Hopefully, by the end of this piece, you will have a deeper understanding of what spiritual guidance means and how to receive it. **Here’s what you’ll learn:** - A working definition of spiritual guidance. - A brief history of spiritually based direction. - Suggestions for receiving spiritual guidance. - How to better receive messages from your higher power. - How to enact the wisdom imparted to you from beyond. - Several resources for enhanced learning. ![spiritual direction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/hypnosis-performance-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Spiritual guidance and direction revealed ## Spiritual Guidance Defined At its core, spiritual guidance is the process and experience of receiving wisdom from the divine. The practice of establishing contact with a higher power has been with humankind throughout the ages and can be found in nearly every [belief system](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/089801010001800405) (Dunn & Horgas, 2001). ### Divine Guidance and Example Religions Example religions that subscribe to the ability to receive assistance from a higher power, include: - Christianity - Judaism - Islam - Hinduism - Chinese Traditional Religion - Buddhism - Shinto ## Non-Religious Peoples It would be a mistake to believe that spiritual guidance can only happen if a person belongs to a specific religion. In truth, any person can receive divine assistance when you look at the passage of wisdom through the prism of karma (Castro, 2013). ### Divine Guidance and Example Non-Religious - Agnostics - Wiccans - Neo-Pagans - [Indigenous Native Indians ](https://www.britannica.com/topic/Native-American-religion) - New Agers - Humanists - [Believers in Lore and Astrology ](https://guycounseling.com/category/lore/) ## How To Receive Spiritual Guidance The reason you arrived on this page is to find out **how to receive spiritual guidance**. I’m going to share with you detailed specifics on exactly what to do. But first, I ask only one thing: **keep an open mind**. The hard truth is I do not have all the answers. Nobody does. All I can do is pass on the insight that has been gifted to me from the elders of my tribe. One thing is for sure – nothing will happen if you insist on empirical evidence or scientific “proof”. I wish that I could provide you such things, but I can’t. What I can do is encourage you to lean into whatever belief system that holds meaning to you and ask that you keep faith. And so, without further ado, let’s examine ten powerful ways to receive spiritual guidance. ![spiritual wisdom](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-ocean.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Meditating is key to receiving wisdom from your higher power ## 1. Openness Meditation One practical approach for receiving guidance from the divine is to meditate. In this way, you clear your mind of extraneous material and focus your thoughts on the here and now. While attending to your meditation, repeat the mantra, ***“I am open to whatever message the universe might send me.”*** If you wish to replace the word “universe” with “God” or the name of your higher power, that’s completely OK. The idea is to use terms that are meaningful to you. If you have never meditated or aren’t sure how to do this, I encourage you to start with this [step by step body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). Your openness meditation can occur at any time. Some people report optimum results in the following ways: #### Suggestions - Morning meditations before rising from bed - Evening meditations before sleep - Outdoor reflections like in a public park - Meditating near water, such as a lake or river. - Meditating on a mountain or an elevated area of land ## 2. Practicing Loving Kindness In the traditions of Buddhism, a person can clear their mind and spirit by practicing loving-kindness ([LK](https://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/loving-kindness.htm)) (Pannyavaro, 2019). Essentially, you are transmitting positive energy from chakras to a stranger without ever speaking a word. Transmission of LK can occur through contemplation or a walking meditation. As you pass by a stranger, you merely look at them and say in your mind: “**I wish for this person to be happy”**. By giving away positive energy to people you do not know, the ancients tell us you paradoxically create space for a message from the creator. As an aside, the [clinical evidence](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thoughts-happiness-study/) tells us that partaking LK can create a state of calmness while boosting happiness. ### Variations of Loving Kindness - I wish goodness upon this person. - May joy fill this person’s heart. - Let love embody this person today. - I wish for this person to be joyful. ## 3. Studying Your Dreams Universal energy that comes to you from beyond does not always make contact during waking states. Instead, divine communication may come to you in dreams. If you subscribe to Christian beliefs, you likely know that the bible is replete with stories of God visiting people as they slept. For example, God spoke to Solomon with the famous offer: “Ask what I shall give you.” \[[1 Kings 3.5](https://biblia.com/bible/esv/1%20Kings%203.5)\]. And it is in this way that higher-power energy has visited humanity throughout the ages. We see God has used dreams as a form of communique with my peoples – including the people of my tribe. But we also see this energy at play from the time of the ancients, such as Greek and Roman mythology. Some believe that when you fall asleep, you enter a realm that is not of this place and time. It has even been said that the [dead can message us](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) while unconscious. The way to know and understand if spiritual guidance is being offered to you while sleeping is to become mindful. This means being aware of your dream imagery and looking for themes. After each dream, it’s essential to record the things that you’ve seen and identify metaphors and patterns. ### Dream Journaling Suggestions - Focus on faces, voices, people, and words. - Don’t stress if you can’t remember every detail. - Write down the material you have seen and don’t try to make sense of it. - Once you’ve captured the content on paper, take time later in the day to reflect (meditate) on the imagery. - Ask yourself what it all means to you. In many cases, the first organic response your mind offers is spiritual wisdom. - For insight, consider getting the book Dream-Talk: Could God Be Talking To You In Your Dreams? ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2CYTioe)). ![Reading about guidance from the divine](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/sexy-black-man-reading-book.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Read about other belief systems ## 4. Read Spiritual Material The written word is a powerful conduit for spiritual guidance. In many ways, it is a medium for messaging that is unique to each receiver. But to hear a cosmic voice, we must actively engage our minds in spiritual lessons. This means reading about different versions of God throughout the ages and doing away with restrictive thinking that confines us to just one deity. If you are Christian, you should be open to learning about the teachings of Buddha. In this same way, if you are agnostic, be open to reading about the Islamic God, Allah. ### Suggestions When Reading - Search your feelings when studying spiritual material. Ask yourself if it speaks to you. - Find a different spiritual lesson from a belief system outside of your own and see if it resonates. - Look for any patterns when studying religious or spiritual teachings. Some say the takeaways are a form of a communique from a higher power. ## 5. Be With Nature Nearly all forms of organized religion hold that a deity created the earth. Moreover, most of these same religions believe our planet is a gift from the creator. When you are in nature, you become one with all that is living around you, such as the trees and grass. In turn, this puts you in a powerful place to receive guidance. On an intrinsic level, doesn’t this make sense? Spiritual books are filled with stories of how God spoke to someone in the woods, by a river and even a burning bush. ### Nature Suggestions - Focus your awareness on your surroundings using your five senses. - Ask yourself what you are intuiting from the environment. - Work on enhancing your [situational awareness](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/). - Do not discount any messages that arrive at your subconscious, no matter how strange they may seem. ![Bond with animals ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-with-dog.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Develop relationships with animals ## 7. Bond With Animals It has been said that God has many faces. A lot of people assume those faces are human. But the wisdom from the ancients tells us that animals, too, can be manifestations of the Almighty. In ancient Egypt, for example, [baboons and monkeys were considered deities](http://pubx.co/cjEogu) (Balaji, 2018). Jewish mysticism urges us to respect all animals because they are gifts from the creator. Additionally, this same line of teaching suggests that all living creatures are animated by God and have the power to impart [wisdom](https://www.jewishveg.org/DSrespect.html). When you show compassion for animals, you place out yourself in a commanding position to receive whatever graces are conveyed by your higher power. Study the animals in your environment. Observe your pets. As the ultimate [creatures of mindfulness](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/09/7-mindfulness-tips-from-your-dog/), it is very possible they are trying to tell you something unrelated to their needs. ### Suggestions - Let animals naturally approach you at their own pace. - Intuit any messages they may be trying to send you. - Should a creature of nature have a calming presence, do not ask why but instead, accept it as a divine gift. ## 8. Daily Prayer This pathway to receiving insight from the divine is an obvious one but needs to be discussed all the same. The mistake folks make with prayer is making it a one-way conversation. If your goal is to obtain a message from the creator, allow periods of silence. Over time, as you tune into the universe, various words, images, and visions will appear in your consciousness. Whatever is revealed to you, embrace the material as sacred. ### Prayer Suggestions - Believe that the creator will speak to you. - Accept that you are worthy of communication. - Focus on things you are grateful for instead of making a request. - Repeat the mantra, “I am open to your message”. ***“Animals, too, can be manifestations of the Almighty”*** ## 9. Identify Your Spirit Guide In the traditions of the Indigenous Indians, spirit guides exist as gifts to impart wisdom from the creator (Blumenthal, 1990). You may refer to these energy forms as angels, guardians or protectors. Regardless of how you label them, recognize that you have one. As you enhance your karmic skills, your spirit guide will make themselves known to you. The critical thing to remember is that **you do not choose your guides. Instead, it chooses you**. I’d like you to take a deep breath and scan your memories now. Since childhood and through the present, has there been an animal \[or representation of an animal\] that has been part of your life? Examples might be monkeys, elephants, wolves, deer, birds or bears? If the answer is yes, there is an excellent chance that is a symbolic sign of your guide. Establishing contact will require you to tune into universal energy and become an open receptacle. ### Spirit Guide Suggestions - Read all that you can about spirit guides - Listen to the audio-book: *How to communicate with your spirit guide* ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2UAN3RH)). - Look for symbols and identify and patterns, tracing back to your childhood. ## 10. Change Your Routine If you are like most people, there’s a good chance that your routine is the same each day. Over time, your pattern can become some engrained that it becomes ritualized. While there’s nothing wrong with this, it can create a barrier to receiving spiritual direction. It is hard to experience divine intervention when your mind is stuck on auto-pilot. To hear a message from the creator, it may be necessary to change your routine. Doing so frees stale energy you may be holding and creates space for new energy – and insight. ### Suggestions for Change - Take a different route home from work. - Buy [perfume or cologne](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) that’s not your norm. - Make a dish that you’ve never tried before. ## Bringing It All Together Raising your consciousness and receiving the gift of spiritual guidance can happen for you. In fact, it’s very likely the creator has been speaking to you for some time. But you probably already know this, deep inside. For now, I encourage you to focus on what’s been shared here and ask yourself the following: **How can I make myself more open to spiritual direction?** I’ll turn the mic over to you now. — **Related Posts:** [How hypnotherapy helps anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) [How to build a circle of confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) [Virgo man in love and relationships](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/) #### References Balaji, A. (2018, May 1). *Primates of Ancient Egypt: The Deification and Importance of Baboons and Monkeys*. Retrieved from Ancient Origins: https://www.ancient-origins.net/news-history-archaeology/primates-ancient-egypt-deification-and-importance-baboons-and-monkeys-part-021888 Blumenthal, S. (1990). *Spotted Cattle and Deer: Spirit Guides and Symbols of Endurance and Healing in “Ceremony”*. Retrieved from American Indian Quarterly: www.jstor.org/stable/1184963 Castro, J. (2013, November 22). *What Is Karma*. Retrieved from Live Science: https://www.livescience.com/41462-what-is-karma.html Dunn, K., & Horgas, A. (20001, December 1). *The Prevalence of Prayer as a Spiritual Self-Care Modality in Elders*. Retrieved from The Journal of Holistic Nursing: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/089801010001800405 Pannyavaro, V. (2019). *Loving Kindness Meditation*. Retrieved from Buddha Net. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Higher Power, Meditation, Spirituality --- ### [15 Major Accomplishments of George Washington](https://guycounseling.com/george-washington-accomplishments/) **Published:** February 17, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/george-washington-portrait.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** Table of Contents Toggle - [Accomplishments of George Washington ](#Accomplishments_of_George_Washington) - [George Washington Quick Facts](#George_Washington_Quick_Facts) - [1. Elected Delegate to the First Continental Congress – September 1774](#1_Elected_Delegate_to_the_First_Continental_Congress_%E2%80%93_September_1774) - [2. Became Commander in Chief of the Continental Army – June 1775 ](#2_Became_Commander_in_Chief_of_the_Continental_Army_%E2%80%93_June_1775) - [3. The Trenton-Princeton Campaign – Christmas, 1776 to January 2, 1777 ](#3_The_Trenton-Princeton_Campaign_%E2%80%93_Christmas_1776_to_January_2_1777) - [4. Valley Forge – December 19, 1777 to March 1778](#4_Valley_Forge_%E2%80%93_December_19_1777_to_March_1778) - [5. Victory at Yorktown – October 19, 1781](#5_Victory_at_Yorktown_%E2%80%93_October_19_1781) - [6. First President of the United States – 1789 to 1797 ](#6_First_President_of_the_United_States_%E2%80%93_1789_to_1797) - [7. Organized the First U.S. Cabinet and Executive Branch ](#7_Organized_the_First_US_Cabinet_and_Executive_Branch) - [8. Established the U.S. Navy – March 27, 1794 ](#8_Established_the_US_Navy_%E2%80%93_March_27_1794) - [9. Signed the Jay Treaty – November 1794 ](#9_Signed_the_Jay_Treaty_%E2%80%93_November_1794) - [10. Signed the Treaty of Greenville (Indian Wars) – August 1795 ](#10_Signed_the_Treaty_of_Greenville_Indian_Wars_%E2%80%93_August_1795) - [11. Signed the Pinckney’s Treaty (Treaty of San Lorenzo) – October 27, 1795 ](#11_Signed_the_Pinckneys_Treaty_Treaty_of_San_Lorenzo_%E2%80%93_October_27_1795) - [12. One of the First Two Faces to Grace the American Postage Stamp – 1847 ](#12_One_of_the_First_Two_Faces_to_Grace_the_American_Postage_Stamp_%E2%80%93_1847) - [13. The Face on the Dollar Bill – 1869 (Modern 1963) ](#13_The_Face_on_the_Dollar_Bill_%E2%80%93_1869_Modern_1963) - [14. The Only President to Have a State Named After Him – November 11, 1889](#14_The_Only_President_to_Have_a_State_Named_After_Him_%E2%80%93_November_11_1889) - [15. Appointed to the Grade of General of the Armies of the United States – 1976](#15_Appointed_to_the_Grade_of_General_of_the_Armies_of_the_United_States_%E2%80%93_1976) - [Bringing It All Together](#Bringing_It_All_Together) ## **Accomplishments of George Washington  I’ve always been captivated by [George Washington](http://www.history.com/topics/us-presidents/george-washington). He is credited with wearing many hats, including soldier, farmer, father, and president. Beyond the legend of the man, which is shrouded in mystique, exists a set of core convictions that helped to create this great country we live in; The United States of America. I’ve spent hours studying America’s first Commander in Chief. Over and over, what emerges is a picture of unbelievable courage, amazing inner strength, and deep intelligence. And I’m not the only one who holds Washington in high regard. Public polling regularly shows him among the nation’s [best presidents](https://www.politico.com/story/2012/02/poll-george-washington-still-tops-073032) (Mackenzie, 2012). But much of his popularity can be traced to lore; the result of generational storytelling that touches on specific themes. An example can be found in the tale of a young Washington cutting down his father’s apple tree. He would later confess, thereby establishing the trait of honesty. But as you will see in the video below, Washington was so much more than the stuff of childhood tales. In every measurable way, he was a man’s man – a guy who could be called a friend, leader, and hero. Is the adulation for President Washington warranted? Does he deserve to be honored by the masses in such a significant way, similar to how the [public views Abraham Lincoln](https://guycounseling.com/abraham-lincoln-accomplishments/)? **I would say yes – big time. Looking at the historical record in its totality, GW was an active chief executive, using the strength of his personality and powers of persuasion to set in motion so much of American tradition today. The hard truth is he believed in a strong central government but personally felt above party politics, even though he generally followed Federalist policies. What follows is a major rundown of 15 major accomplishments of President George Washington you might not know. I’ve tried to infuse biographical data to help spark new insight. My hope is to offer a mosaic of the man that goes beyond the rhetoric. Keep in mind that when we examine any historical figure, it is important to assess them for the times in which they lived. And I can assure you that America was a much different place in the 1700’s than it is today. ![Washington on Mt.Rushmore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/george-washington.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Washington on Mt. Rushmore ## George Washington Quick Facts **Born:** February 22, 1732 in Westmoreland County, Virginia **Died:** December 14, 1799 **Zodiac Sign:** [A Pisces Man](https://guycounseling.com/pisces-man/) **Height:** 6’2 **Eye Color:** [Blue-Grey](https://guycounseling.com/grey-eyes/) **Education:** College of William and Mary ## 1. Elected Delegate to the First Continental Congress – September 1774 From September 5, 1774, through October 26, 1774, the first Continental Congress convened at Carpenter’s Hall in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The colonial states were represented by delegates, and George Washington along with six other men were there to represent Virginia. One of the main goals of the Continental Congress was to address   grievances the colonists had with the King and Parliament. Up to that point, the colonies had all seen themselves as more or less individual, so this meeting was the first true attempt at joining the colonies together to represent themselves as a whole when dealing with the King. Many in attendance looked at it as their own version of Parliament. ## 2. Became Commander in Chief of the Continental Army – June 1775  Having served in the French and Indian War, George Washington had military experience to go along with his political experience. He was recognized as being a leading authority when it came to the military since few native-born Americans had more experience than he did. He also had business experience having run Mount Vernon, his large plantation. In essence, he was the total package and came with a commanding demeanor and an ability to instill confidence. Perhaps more than anything, he believed in the American cause with an unmatched fervor. ## 3. The Trenton-Princeton Campaign – Christmas, 1776 to January 2, 1777  Many people are familiar with the painting of Washington in a rowboat with his men crossing the Delaware in choppy waters. This painting represents the crossing of a weary Army in sleet and snow to surprise the Hessian soldiers who had been hired to fight in the war for Britain. Catching them by surprise, the fight lasted only an hour and a half, with Washington and his men taking many prisoners. Knowing the American people needed this victory emotionally, and feeling confident, he then took his men on to Princeton for another surprise battle, which was also successful. Many see this as the turning point in the war. ## 4. Valley Forge – December 19, 1777 to March 1778 Washington and his men retreated to Valley Forge in December of 1777, just 18 miles from Philadelphia. Although there was no battle fought here, the name Valley Forge is etched in the mind of many as one of the lowest points of the war. Fighting off disease, hunger, and the elements, although Washington had proven to be a great commander, the low morale was palpable. The great man himself understood the suffering of his men; men without boots leaving trails of blood behind them, almost naked soldiers with only thin blankets to protect them from the elements, and virtually no food in sight. However, after three months the supplies began to come in and as morale increased so did their resolve and the new American army began to take hold. Although there were a few deserters, many men believed in Washington enough to stay through the worst of it, emerging as victors in the end. ## 5. Victory at Yorktown – October 19, 1781 The battle at Yorktown began on October 14, 1781. George Washington, along with French General de Rochambeau, led their forces in a final attack. They were able to capture two British defenses which led to the British surrendering just five days later. Shortly after this battle, the British entered peace negotiations and the Revolutionary War was over, leaving America victorious. ![theodore rooseelt mt. rushmore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/theodore-roosevelt-mt-rushmore.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Washington’s face on Mt. Rushmore ## 6. First President of the United States – 1789 to 1797  After leading America to a victory during the American Revolution, George Washington’s leadership qualifications were too great to ignore. He was unanimously elected as the first President of the United States by the Electoral College, which would also unanimously elect him for his second term. To this day, many people refer to George Washington as the Father of Our Country. His prowess on the battlefield translated well into his Presidency and his victory over Britain ushered in 10 years of peace. ## 7. Organized the First U.S. Cabinet and Executive Branch  Washington set up the first U.S. Cabinet as a group of individuals he trusted to give him advice and interact with his Presidency. The initial group included Attorney General Edmund Randolph, Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson, Secretary of War Henry Knox, and Secretary of Treasury Alexander Hamilton. The Executive Branch of the government was created to carry out and enforce federal laws. George Washington understood the value of a checks and balances system which would prevent any one branch of the government from having too much power. **Related:** [The accomplishments of Theodore Roosevelt](https://guycounseling.com/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments/) ## 8. Established the U.S. Navy – March 27, 1794  Although there had been a Rhode Island Navy some 19 years earlier and a Continental Navy from 1780-1783, what we think of now as the U.S. Navy began on March 27, 1794. During Washington’s Presidency, the Naval Act of 1794 was passed. The U.S. Navy originally constructed six ships, one of which was the *USS Constitution*, otherwise known as “Old Ironsides.” ## 9. Signed the Jay Treaty – November 1794  Overall there had been peace with Britain after the Revolutionary War, but tensions began to rise between the two countries due to the British exporting many goods to the U.S. but not allowing many American exports and putting high tariffs on those they did allow. The British also continued to occupy lands they had previously agreed to vacate, and there were ongoing attacks from Native Americans who still supported the British. Because of these issues, President Washington sent John Jay to get a treaty signed with the British, ensuring peace continued. Although the treaty didn’t seem to favor America at all, Washington understood that by agreeing to a rather poor treaty for the U.S. it resulted in time to get his troops ready should the States head back into war with Britain. ## 10. Signed the Treaty of Greenville (Indian Wars) – August 1795  There was still much resentment of the Native American people towards the white people who had invaded their lands. Although they lent their support to the British, when the Revolutionary War was over there were still pockets of Native Americans who were angry with the settlers. The Greenville Treaty ended this war by giving the U.S. Government two-thirds of the land the tribes had been living on between the Ohio River and Lake Erie. In exchange, the Native Americans received animals, clothing, and utensils. Once George Washington signed the treaty, it marked the first time the government had control of all its territories. ![closeup of george washington on the u.s. dollar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/washington-money-dollar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Image of George Washington on dollar bill ## 11. Signed the Pinckney’s Treaty (Treaty of San Lorenzo) – October 27, 1795  There was tension between Spain and the U.S. due to New Orleans being under Spanish control. Spain had closed the Mississippi River to the U.S. in an effort to keep trade to a minimum. Seeing this as a strategic gain, Washington signed the treaty that resolved the dispute between the countries. It gave the U.S. the right to sail her ships on the river and it allowed for duty-free transport of those ships. **Related:** [Learn about Andrew Jackson](https://guycounseling.com/andrew-jackson-facts/) ## 12. One of the First Two Faces to Grace the American Postage Stamp – 1847  Although he never lived to see it, George Washington’s face was one of two chosen to grace the first American postage stamps. He was in good company as Benjamin Franklin was the other. The Franklin stamp cost five cents and was meant for domestic letters traveling up to 300 miles while Washington’s stamp cost 10 cents and was meant for distances over 300 miles. ## 13. The Face on the Dollar Bill – 1869 (Modern 1963)  George Washington’s face originally graced the dollar bill starting in 1869. The portrait of him was centered on the front with a vignette to the left of Christopher Columbus. The modern version we know of today was redesigned in 1963 and has more or less stayed the same. ## 14. The Only President to Have a State Named After Him – November 11, 1889 Washington became a state in 1889 and is the only state named after a President of the United States. The land area was taken from part of the Washington Territory which the U.S. gained in the Oregon Treaty with Britain. It was the forty-second state to join the Union. ## 15. Appointed to the Grade of General of the Armies of the United States – 1976 One of George Washington’s most notable accomplishments is being appointed as the General of the Armies of the United States. This six-star grade has only been achieved one other time, although Washington received it posthumously on July 4, 1976, on the 200th anniversary of the birth of the United States. ## Bringing It All Together As you can see from all that has been described here, George Washington was an amazing and accomplished president. Much of what we enjoy today as American citizens simply would not be possible had it not been for the vision and conviction of the man. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=0143119966&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143119966/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0143119966&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=dc297031aaa4ee20d10056d49a97bbd0)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0143119966) If you are interested in learning more about GW, the best place to start is by reading a well-written biography. Personally, I enjoyed *Washington: A Life* by Ron Chernow ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2sxHWFa)). I hope you found this piece on President George Washington meaningful and informative. Thank you for stopping by. References Mackenzie, W. (2012, February 17). George Washington still tops. Retrieved from Politico: https://www.politico.com/story/2012/02/poll-george-washington-still-tops-073032 Main Photo Credit: Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York City **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** military, President, U.S. Presidents, Washington --- ### [7 Root Chakra Affirmations To Cleanse and Heal](https://guycounseling.com/root-chakra-affirmations/) **Published:** March 5, 2019 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![root chakra affirmations](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/root-chakra-affirmations.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Learn to heal, cleanse and attract love by clearing your chakras](#Learn_to_heal_cleanse_and_attract_love_by_clearing_your_chakras) - [1. Root Chakra (Trust)](#1_Root_Chakra_Trust) - [2. Sacred Chakra (Acceptance)](#2_Sacred_Chakra_Acceptance) - [3. Solar Plexus Chakra (Appreciation)](#3_Solar_Plexus_Chakra_Appreciation) - [4. Heart Chakra (Unconditional Love)](#4_Heart_Chakra_Unconditional_Love) - [5. Throat Chakra (Positive Expression)](#5_Throat_Chakra_Positive_Expression) - [6. Third Eye Chakra (Harmony)](#6_Third_Eye_Chakra_Harmony) - [7. Crown Chakra (Connection)](#7_Crown_Chakra_Connection) ## Learn to heal, cleanse and attract love by clearing your chakras It seems like we’re constantly being bombarded by marketing people with tips for enhanced intimacy by improving our bodies or taking certain pills. Lost in the mix is the idea that love is an energy based, spiritual experience that is devoid of time and space. My own thought is that intimacy can be a highly pleasurable exchange between two people and a form of active meditation. For me, working with different chakra affirmations has empowered deeper, more profound intimate connections with my man on multiple levels. Chakras are considered energy centers that are located throughout the body. Each is linked to a set of organs and linked to the essence of your being. To learn more about chakras, visit this [page](http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-91/The-7-Chakras-for-Beginners.html). For some time now, I’ve taken a holistic approach to in the bedroom. Through experience, I’ve learned that by practicing affirmations that speak to my chakras, I’ve been able to greatly enhance intimate encounters. And that means speaking to all of my chakras and not just the sacral one because its connected to my sex organs or the heart chakra because it’s associated with love. By using the following 7 chakra affirmation below, you can open the flow of energy throughout your body and deepen your intimate experiences by building trust, acceptance, gratitude, unconditional love, harmony and positive expression. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/4Z65fuphOT7GM/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **1. Root Chakra (Trust)** Your root chakra is the foundation of your energy system. It governs your basic needs, like safety and security. Located at the base of your spine, it is associated with the color red. Having a healthy root chakra is critical to all physical connections because you must be willing to trust your partner. When you don’t feel safe and secure, you’ll have a hard time sharing your energy with others in a meaningful, intimate way. *Visualize maroon and red lights flowing throughout the base of your spine and repeat the following affirmation in your mind, “I trust that I’m safe with my man.”* ## **2. Sacred Chakra (Acceptance)** Resting between your root chakra and belly button is your sacral chakra. This governs your sex organs and is linked with the color orange. Unintentionally, this chakra can become bogged down with feelings of shame and guilt that are historically connected with sexuality or past traumas. By forgiving yourself and others, you can clear toxicity from this area and accept yourself as a valid and loved sexual being. *Project a bright orange particle of light pulsating through your sacrum as you repeat, “I fully accept my sexuality and forgive past traumas.”* ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/vvOLwsEj0w2KQ/giphy.gif?resize=462%2C242&ssl=1) ## **3. Solar Plexus Chakra (Appreciation)** Your solar plexus chakra rests above your belly button and below your sternum. It houses personal power and vitality. This chakra also governs your stomach organs and is linked with the color yellow. When your solar plexus is completely clear, you can enjoy abundant, unselfish, enjoyable closeness without high expectations. You will be able to receive loving gratitude and appreciation. When your solar plexus chakra is blocked, it can cause you to withhold and become controlling of your partner. *Project rays of yellow light flowing through your stomach areas as you repeat in your mind: “I affirm my sexuality and partner’s sexuality.”* ## **4. Heart Chakra (Unconditional Love)** Your heart chakra is charged with giving you the power to love. It rests over your breastbone and is linked with the color green. When this chakra is blocked is can be obstruct your ability to love another or yourself. Combined, this makes for disconnected, empty love making experiences. By clearing this area and opening your heart space, you can love more deeply and profoundly. Additionally, your intimate time will become more passionate. *Project vibrant green light in your mind’s eye flowing through and from your heart as you repeat, “I will give and receive unconditional love.”* ## **5. Throat Chakra (Positive Expression)** Your throat chakra is charged with self-expression, creativity and self-esteem. It rests mid-neck, and is linked to the color blue. When you think about it, sex is no doubt a form of self-expression. When this chakra is clear, your sexual expression should be authentic, positive and creative. When it’s blocked, you may feel dull and unexciting. *Project clear blue light pulsating from your throat and repeat, “I express my sexuality in an authentic way.”* ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/SGspq31GQUxTG/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **6. Third Eye Chakra (Harmony)** Your third-eye is charged with your empathic abilities. It houses wisdom and clairvoyance. Resting on the middle of your brow, just above your eyes, this chakra is linked to the color indigo. You can experience amazing intimacy if you give yourself permission to trust your sense of intuition and connect to another on a deeper level that transcends our physical realm. **Related:** [How to build a circle of confidence ](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) When your third eye is clear, you will discover flowing harmony with your sexual partner. When blocked, you may struggle to realize true intimacy. *Project deep indigo blue light flowing outward from your forehead and repeat to yourself: “I feel harmony with my partner.”* ## **7. Crown Chakra (Connection)** This chakra is located above the top of your head. It is colored violet or white (it depends on your energy) and reflects your spiritual side. It also serves as a conduit to mother nature and all living things. When your crown chakra is open, you can completely lose yourself during intimacy with another and have divine orgasmic experiences. Your energy will merge with your partner and allow you to experience all that they are. When the crown chakra is blocked, it makes obtaining extreme, powerful releases difficult. *Project bright violet light flowing from out of the crown of your head. Repeat the following: “I am sexually in tune and divine.”* To learn more about chakra clearing and balancing, consider picking up *Chakras: A Complete Guide to Healing*  ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ia73FV)). **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Affirmations, Cleansing, Love, Relationships --- ### [How to Start a Fire Without Matches](https://guycounseling.com/start-fire-match-free/) **Published:** January 5, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![build filre](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-building-fire.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Starting a Fire Without Matches](#Starting_a_Fire_Without_Matches) - [5 Cool Ways to Make Fire](#5_Cool_Ways_to_Make_Fire) - [Before You Begin](#Before_You_Begin) - [1. Bow Drill](#1_Bow_Drill) - [2. Fire Plow](#2_Fire_Plow) - [3. Focused Sunlight](#3_Focused_Sunlight) - [4. Steel-Wool and a Battery](#4_Steel-Wool_and_a_Battery) - [5. Chemical Fire](#5_Chemical_Fire) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Starting a Fire Without Matches Whether you’re a hardcore outdoorsman or just a weekend warrior, knowing how to start a fire without matches is an essential skill to learn. You might never need it but having the knowledge to start a fire can give you peace of mind in the face of an emergency or at least make you the coolest guy at this year’s family barbeque. There’s something so primal and satisfying about fire craft. The first evidence of humans making fire comes from around 200,000 years ago when Homo Sapiens used friction to generate a blaze. It wasn’t until the 19th century that matches came into use. So, starting a fire without them harkens back to a primordial skillset that inspires you with power and purpose. When you produce fire, you can boil and purify water, create a rescue signal, cook food, and provide enough heat to keep you warm. ## 5 Cool Ways to Make Fire There are nearly a dozen ways to make fire. Some methods are primitive and others more scientific. Once you learn the basics, you can play around with different materials and methods to discover new and innovative ways to start a fire. Essentially, there are 5 different ways to reliably make fire without a match or a lighter. There’s the ***bow drill method***, which requires some wood cutting and hard labor to generate that blaze. There’s the ***fire plow***, which also requires some wood cutting but replaces the drilling motion of the previously mentioned method with a methodical back and forth friction. It’s a no-brainer. ***Focused sunlight*** can start a fire without a match. In ancient Greece, Archimedes turned this method into a deadly weapon. Another way to reliably start a fire is with a piece of ***steel-wool and a battery***, although this method requires very little skill. Lastly, there’s the ***chemical fire*** that can be produced when you mix glycerin and potassium permanganate. You can use a flint and steel. That was the ready-made solution for starting a fire for centuries before the invention of match sticks, but we won’t cover that in this topic. It’s just as easy as using a match or a lighter. Where’s the fun in that? ![fire without matches](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/campfire-cooking-2.jpg?resize=563%2C375&ssl=1)When you need fire ## Before You Begin If you’re planning to start a fire, then your very first step should be planning on how to put out that fire. In 2017, the [U.S. Fire Administration](https://www.usfa.fema.gov/data/statistics/) reported 14,670 fire-related injuries and 23 billion dollars in damages. So, be careful. A fire extinguisher is the easiest fix for putting out most fires, but you can keep a large bucket of water on hand, as well. Make sure your fire-making pit is dug out well and kept away from loose combustible material like paper, dry leaves and grass. You should also gather a bucket of soil, sand or dirt. When your fire has been nearly extinguished with water or a fire extinguisher, cover the embers with sediment to cut off all oxygen. Remember, fires need oxygen to burn. Cut off the oxygen supply and you’ll successfully put out the fire. If you feel that the fire is getting out of hand, do not hesitate to call your local fire department. ***T.K.F.*** T.K.F. stands for tinder, kindling, and fuel. This is an important acronym to remember because these are the basic items you’ll need to create and sustain a proper fire. ***Tinder*** is the material that you use to start the initial spark of a fire. In essence, all fire making methods are used to create a spark. It’s the tinder that starts the actual fire. Even if you had matches, it would be very difficult to light a fire by holding a match next to a stack of logs. You need a dry, highly-combustible material such as cotton, paper, tampons, old leaves, wood shavings, or certain types of tree bark. What you need to do is make a small bundle of tinder materials that is loosely constructed so that air can easily pass through it. A great tinder bundle will look like a bird’s nest when constructed. ***Kindling*** accelerates the fire once the tinder bundle lights up. Fire is hungry for material to burn. It helps to think of kindling as the appetizer for the fire. You can use small twigs, sticks or wood chips for kindling, but you should gather quite a lot of kindling in advance. It can get used fairly quickly and if you don’t have a good amount of kindling materials on hand, your fledgling fire could die down while you’re scrambling to find more items. ***Fuel*** is what sustains a fire over a long period of time. It’s the main course, so to speak. There are various fuel sources that people have used to sustain their fires over the centuries. The obvious choice would be dry logs of wood, but a less obvious source of fuel is manure. Horse and cow manure have been used by primitive cultures as a fuel source for thousands of years. Other fuel sources include fabrics (curtains, tablecloths, and clothing). **Quick Safety Note**: You shouldn’t use accelerants when starting a fire under normal circumstances. Spraying lighter fluid over your barbeque charcoals gives a satisfying reaction, but if you’re trying to start a fire without a lighter or matches then accelerants are best to be avoided. **Related:** [How to build a campfire to survive](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) Don’t use gasoline, kerosene or other petroleum-based fuels because they can quickly get out of hand. You should also avoid using garbage and plastics as a fuel source because they can give off noxious fumes that can be hazardous to your health. Now, let’s give these 5 methods a try. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/lMUGMp2lImgGA/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## 1. Bow Drill Toolkit: Shoestring Pocket knife Playing card, business card, or ID card The [bow drill](https://amzn.to/2BZdEfQ) creates fire from friction. It requires a bit of bush engineering and works best when done by two people. You need a durable length of string or rope to operate the bow drill, about 2 ft. or more. Your shoestring works just as well as anything. Then, you need a bow. Look for something about 30 inches in length with the width of a jumbo pencil – a stick works nicely but it should be a live stick cut from a tree, not just a dry piece lying on the ground. It needs to have some flexibility. You can tie your string around the ends of the bow or cut notches in the wood and knot the string in place. The string should be rather loose so that you can wrap the excess length around the middle of your drill. Now, the drill should be a thick, dry wood that has a softness to it. Pine, cedar and spruce are softwoods. The drill should be about twice the thickness of your bow stick and roughly 8 to 10 inches in length. Pay close attention to the ends of the drill. Both ends should be blunted because you need a good, flat surface to apply downward pressure. Next, you need a fire plank. It’s a long, flat piece of wood that serves as a base for the bow drill. Base boards, split log slices, and spare wood from old furniture works well. Now, cut a V-shaped notch from the center of the board extending all the way to the outside edge. If you’re new to this method, then you might want to cut several V-shaped notches all along the length of the fire plank. The next step is to find a concave rock, piece of bone or even a large socket to help you apply downward pressure onto the bow drill. You can use your hand if you like, but that drill can really cut into the flesh of your palm as the friction builds up. Now that all the materials are assembled, dig out a small section of earth beneath your plankboard to catch the ember. Place some tinder under there, as well. You can use a playing card here. It’s small, durable and can easily be transported to your larger tinder bundle once your ember starts to catch on. Now, place the drill head in the narrow end of the notch and firmly press down. With your other hand (or your buddy) start moving the bow back and forth in a deliberate sawing motion. You can place your foot on the plank board to keep it steady. Once you start seeing some smoke, increase your speed and pressure. Don’t stop. Wait until you see sustained smoke for at least five seconds. Then, gently tilt the plank board away so that you can access the ember on your playing card. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/7dNwKRRvZA3e0/giphy.gif?resize=275%2C330&ssl=1) ## 2. Fire Plow Toolkit: Medium-sized bush knife The fire plow is another example of a friction fire. It’s one of the most straight-forward methods of starting a fire without a match. You need to find suitable materials from the environment and cut some wood with your knife. You can use a small pocket knife, but a [larger bush knife](https://amzn.to/2RAWbE8) will save you time and energy if you need to cut and shape a large piece of wood. You’re going to need a fire board. This will be a dry split log with a long flat surface or a scrap piece of furniture. A broken baseboard or plank from a discarded mattress works really well. The length and width aren’t that important. Ideally, you would want something that is at least 9 to 12 inches long and half as wide. Etch out a spine that runs along the length of the fire board. Be sure to leave about 3 to 4 inches of space before you reach the edge. This is where you’ll collect wood shavings and place extra tinder. Next, you’ll need a spindle. Find or craft a smooth stick that’s easy to hold in your hands. In this case, you don’t need to necessarily cut away a live branch. Just find something hard and dry. The length should be about the same as your forearm. Shave both ends as blunt as possible. Now, you should kneel down with the length of the fire board extending out before you. You can wedge the far end against a heavy rock for stability and put rocks beneath the near end to create a slight incline. This will help you put all your body weight down into the spindle. Now, take a firm grip on the spindle. You can use a piece of cloth or some grass to shield your palms because this will take some time to generate an ember. Move the spindle’s pointy end up and down along the spine of the board. Start slowly and then work up your speed. You should start to see shavings of the wood accumulate at the far end of the board. Make sure you stop your forward motion at that point so that the friction created from rubbing the wood will hit the pile of tinder. After some hard labor, you’ll start to see some smoke. Don’t stop. Keep plowing away until you have at least two or three embers. Once you have some sustained smoke and multiple embers, then blow on those embers and gently move the fire plow over to your tinder bundle. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/6AR3yfbzOFpRe/giphy.gif?resize=318%2C445&ssl=1) ## 3. Focused Sunlight Toolkit: Lens from a pair of eyeglasses Starting a fire with focused sunlight is one of the coolest ways to create a blaze. It works by pulling all the available light into a single, focused point. That powerful, little beam of light will generate enough heat to catch a fire in the right circumstances. For this method, you need a clear, sunny day. It won’t work in cloudy, rainy or otherwise overcast conditions. You can use several different items to focus the sunlight, but a lens from a pair of eyeglasses is one of the most readily available materials for this method. Other items that can focus sunlight include a polished soda can, reflector from a flashlight, a magnifying glass, and even a plastic bottle filled with water. The first step is to assemble a tinder bundle. As mentioned earlier, this could be a pile of wood shavings, dry leaves or loose paper. The direction of sunlight changes so you need to work quickly once you have a window of opportunity. Place the tinder bundle on the ground, careful to avoid shadows from overhead trees. Kneel down in front of the tinder bundle and hold the lens between your thumb and forefinger. You will need to adjust the angle and distance repeatedly. You want to look at the tinder bundle, not the lens. Look for a small point of light that is roughly the size of a pea. When you have that pea-sized point of light hitting your tinder bundle, adjust the angle and distance of the lens as needed so that you can keep that focused beam of light directly shining on your tinder bundle. In ideal conditions, the tinder bundle should spark a fire in about 15 minutes. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Ul6SE3ToEufoA/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## 4. Steel-Wool and a Battery Toolkit: Mobile phone battery Piece of steel-wool This is one of the easiest ways to start a fire without matches. You can use a number of different items, but most people never go anywhere without their mobile phone. Small batteries also work just fine and so do chewing gum wrappers. If you are using your mobile phone battery, then it’s important to note that this method of fire-making will drain your battery. So, you won’t be able to phone for help or use your mobile phone after starting this fire. You’ll need to recharge it. So, the first step will be to open your phone casing and remove the lithium-ion battery. This is usually a small, rectangular-shaped block located in the back of your phone. Just a quick tap on the wrist and it should fall out. Next, you will need a piece of steel wool. It’s good to keep one in your emergency preparedness kit or you could just swipe one from your kitchen sink. Pull it apart a bit to create a puffy surface area that will take on oxygen once lit. You don’t want to have your hands anywhere near the steel wool once it catches on fire, so you should place the steel wool directly inside the tinder bundle. The fire will catch on fast, but it’s short-lived. You only get one shot at this one. The next step is to carefully rub the positive and negative ends of the battery against the steel wool. Therefore, an AA or AAA battery won’t work well for this method. You need to make contact with both ends of the battery. By rubbing the mobile phone battery against the steel wool, a fire will rapidly begin to form. Close your tinder bundle around it and blow on it until a full-on blaze ignites. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Uy3Oq7M3vudfa/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## 5. Chemical Fire Toolkit: Potassium permanganate Glycerin Tin Can or aluminum can Eyedropper (optional) The last fire-making method on the list takes you out of the world of physics and into the realm of chemistry. This is one of the most dangerous methods for making a fire without matches because it creates an explosive blast. Once the glycerin and potassium permanganate combine, you’ll get a chemical reaction that can take you off-guard if you’re not careful. Now, potassium permanganate can be found at the drug store and bought over-the-counter. You can get it in pill form or as a powder. It’s widely used to disinfect wounds and treat fungal infections, so you should consider adding this compound to your emergency preparedness kit. Glycerin, also called glycerol, is a common liquid compound that is used in food sweeteners, hair gel, e-cigs, and cough syrups. You can also just buy glycerin in its purest form from the pharmacist. Be sure to clear the area and have a tinder bundle ready before you begin. It might help to have two tinder bundles for this method – one to contain the initial spark and another to generate a more controlled fire. Place about a tablespoon of potassium permanganate on a crushed tin can or just use the top lid of the can. Position it in the center of your tinder bundle. Using an eyedropper, put two drops of glycerin directly onto the potassium crystals. The eyedropper is optional here. It’s not necessary, but it can help you control the amount of glycerin you place inside the tinder bundle. Now, this chemical process takes about 2 to 3 minutes to ignite. You will have time to back away to a minimum safe distance.  Be sure to shield your eyes when you see the bundle being to bubble and smoke. Then, it will immediately take on a fire. That fire will sustain itself for about a minute or two without any assistance, giving you loads of time to coax it with more tinder and kindling. ## Wrap Up Starting a fire without matches (or a lighter) may be something you need to do one day for survival.  If you are looking for more information on survival techniques, I highly recommend Bushcraft 101: A Field Guide to the Art of Wilderness Survival. [Check Amazon for pricing](https://amzn.to/2RywlAT). I hope the insight offer on this page has been helpful to you. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Fire. Camping, Survival --- ### [How To Apply Cologne The Right Way and Smell Awesome!](https://guycounseling.com/apply-cologne-men/) **Published:** January 30, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![apply cologne the right way](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-cologne-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Apply cologne right and smell like a sexy beast](#Apply_cologne_right_and_smell_like_a_sexy_beast) - [Buying Cologne](#Buying_Cologne) - [Choosing the Right Scent](#Choosing_the_Right_Scent) - [How To Apply Cologne Properly](#How_To_Apply_Cologne_Properly) - [Step by Step Cologne Application](#Step_by_Step_Cologne_Application) - [Other Cologne Application Tips](#Other_Cologne_Application_Tips) - [Wrap Up](#Wrap_Up) ## Apply cologne right and smell like a sexy beast Choosing, buying and storing the best cologne for your scent needs shouldn’t be complicated. But the hard truth is that for a lot of men, it’s a real chore. There are many reasons for this, mostly related to the fact that many guys don’t know which brand to buy or how to apply the cologne once they get it home. This simple guide is designed to help you get to the answers so that you can get your scent on without hassle. We will start off with a basic primer on buying the right type of cologne and then move about the business of application. Let’s jump right in. ![how to apply cologne for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/cologne-men-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Applying men’s cologne ## Buying Cologne Right off the bat, you need to know that not all colognes are the same. Not only are there different scents, there are also different types. That last part is important to know because the type of perfume you buy greatly impacts its longevity. **Here’s a quick cook’s tour of cologne basics:** - **Eau Fraiche:**A diluted fragrance that contains 1-3% perfume oil in water and alcohol. The scent lasts **less than one hour.** - **Aftershave:**[Aftershaves](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/) are usually marketed as something to apply to your face after shaving. Think highly diluted perfume oil (1-3%) combined with alcohol and water. **Usually lasts an hour or less**. - **Cologne:**(Eau de Cologne). The modern name for a man’s perfume. Usually contains masculine scents. Woody, fresh and fruity. Typically has 2-4% perfume oils in a water and alcohol base. Marketed towards various male age groups. **Scent usually lasts around 2-hours.** - **Toilette (Eau de Toilette):**Picture a quick spritz. Super light, usually sprayed from a bottle and has a 5-15% perfume oil base mixed into water. **Lasts around 3 hours.** - **Perfumes:**This is a gender neutral term but has historically been linked to females (mostly in the U.S.). Somewhat high concentration of perfume oils. **Lasts somewhere between 5-10 hours.** - **Parfumes:**These are the most expensive types on the market. Very heavy concentration of perfume oils that **can last 24-hours**. ![cologne and men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/perfume-and-cologne-for-men.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Cologne and putting it on ## Choosing the Right Scent All of us gravitate towards different scents. Personally, I like woody because of its masculine vibe. Perhaps this is why I wear [Paco Rabanne One Million](https://guycounseling.com/paco-rabanne-1-million-review/). You may prefer something different, like a citrus smell, such as Polo Red ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kXNfcA)). Shoot, you may even prefer something that offers a combination of both, such as Creed by Adventus (see [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2lbfzni) for price). Regardless of your desired scent, it’s important to buy the right type of product so that it lasts for the duration you need it to. Some places online suggest that you never go for the cheapest cologne. I’m here to tell you that **quality is not always linked to price.** Instead, it’s all about that cook’s tour you took above that walked you through the perfume typologies. So, what does this mean? It’s simple. If you want the scent to last for just a few hours, go for a cologne. But, if you are hoping for longer, choose either the Eau de Toilette or the full-on perfume. Remember, the higher the concentration of oil, the more scent it contains and likelier, the more expensive. ![applying your cologne men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-cologne.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How to apply men’s cologne ## How To Apply Cologne Properly After you have selected your cologne scent and type, it’s time to apply it to your body. The key thing to keep in mind is that all perfumes infuse into your body chemistry. Yep, that’s right. We’re talking about the science of [pheromones](https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.bi.40.070171.002533?journalCode=biochem) and molecules. Over the course of time, these molecules will break down, which in turn diminishes the scent. Therefore, your task will be to layer your cologne so that all of the different notes reveal themselves at different times. What’s that? Notes? Yes, notes. They come at three different levels: base, middle, and top. Read this [ultimate guide to men’s best smelling colognes](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) to learn more. What I’ll share with you now is that in almost all cases, you don’t need a lot to get the effect you desire. Layering is all about small touches that chime off periodically. ## Step by Step Cologne Application Right off the bat, make sure you are putting on your cologne at the right time. **Quick hacks:** - If possible, try to do it when you get out of the shower. The reason is that your pores will be most open, thereby allowing better absorption. - Apply a touch to your wrists, neck, and behind your ears. - If you are using a spray, position the bottle back at least 4-6 inches away from your skin. This will allow for wider distribution. - Do not apply cologne to your armpits or groin area as the chemicals in many perfumes can (sometimes) cause irritation. Some men’s colognes websites suggest that you spritz some on items of clothing for an added plus. Honestly, that’s probably the worst thing you can do. Not only will the perfume quickly evaporate from the material, but the cologne itself could cause staining. If you are thinking of doing this, I encourage you to reevaluate your application plans. ![cologne application](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mens-perfumes-and-cologne-buying-tips.jpg?resize=640%2C343&ssl=1)Quick cologne tips ## Other Cologne Application Tips Did you know that you can buy bottles of cologne in very small proportions? Yep, you can. Moreover, many come in tiny bottles that can easily be stuck in a gym bag or coat pocket. An example can be found in Gucci’s Guilty 1oz product, available on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2MFEZso). Something like this might come in handy, should you have a long evening planned or even something overnight. Another tip is to use body soaps that are scent-free. Think about it. Do you really want to combine a [scented body wash](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) and mix that with your cologne? Finally, it’s best to keep whatever you have purchased in a cool, dark space. Examples include a nightstand or atop the dresser, away from the bathroom. The last thing you want is humidity seeping into your cologne bottle, thereby diminishing the oils. Read this post on how to make your cologne last longer and properly store. ## Wrap Up Knowing how to apply cologne the right way is important. Too much can make your presence overbearing. Not enough is a waste of time. But the right amount could turn you into a sexy beast! I hope the information shared on this page was useful to you. Thanks for stopping by. **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style, Lifestyle **Tags:** Aftershave, Cologne --- ### [How To Become Certified As A Cisco CCNA 200-125 Routing Professional](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-become-certified-as-a-cisco-ccna-200-125-routing-professional/) **Published:** April 3, 2019 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![laptop computer with notepad and coffee cisco](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/interview-expert-on-mens-topics.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Getting certified as a Cisco Professional Organizations are continuously moving to controller-based architectures. This raises the need for network engineers to prove their knowledge and skills. In order to ensure that this networking transition will happen smoothly, Cisco introduced the CCNA Routing and Switching credential, which plays two major roles: (1) providesone with knowledge of foundational technologies and (2) keepsone updated with the most relevant skills required by next generation technologies. This is an important certification, which you cannot afford to ignore. Having an understanding of the CCNA R&S certificate helps with the creation of a better preparation plan. To earn this Cisco certification, the candidates are required to pass the combination of 100-105 and 200-105 exams or the single 200-125 test. It is important to mention that the passing score for the Cisco exams varies between 800 and 850. The maximum possible score is 1000. The students are presented with a series of multiple-choice questions, testlets, simulation andsimlets. The number of questions and time allotted for each test can be found on the official Cisco website. Besides, visit Pearson VUE if you want to register for the certification exam. - **100-105 ICDN1** The exam measures the candidate’s fundamental networking skills. The individuals are provided with 45-55 questions, all of which are supposed to be answered within 90 minutes. The certification test covers a number of topics, which will need thorough preparation to pass it. The exam topics include Network Fundamentals; Infrastructure Maintenance and Services; Routing Fundamentals; and LAN Switching Fundamentals. **Related:** [What exactly is a criminal psychologist?](https://guycounseling.com/criminal-psychologist/) To help you with your exam preparation, Cisco recommends that you enroll in the Interconnecting Cisco Networking Devices, Part 1 course. The training takes the students through the steps involved in installing, configuring and verifying IPv4 and IPv6 on a network and various other topics tested in the [Cisco CCNA VCE 200-125 Dumps](https://www.examsnap.com/ccna-routing-and-switching-certification-dumps.html). The candidates obtain practical skills through a virtual lab. The hands-on exercises come in handy, especially if your organization does not allow you to operate their networking equipment. The course is basically split into 3 main sections: instructor-led training for lab practices, virtual instructor-led training and e-learning. Each of these sections takes 5 days to complete. - **200-105 ICDN2** Similar to other Cisco exams, this test is offered via Pearson VUE. It verifies whether the candidates are able to perform different networking operations. 55-65 questions are asked, all of them are supposed to be answered within 90 minutes. The specific topics are: Infrastructure Services; Routing Technologies; Infrastructure Maintenance; LAN Switching Technologies; and WAN Technologies. Cisco provides the Interconnecting Cisco Networking Devices, Part 2 course to help the students with the preparation. In this course, the test takers are taken through the installation, configuration, operation and troubleshooting of small enterprise network. It also tackles several elements related to Cloud computing. **Related:** [Things to leave off your resume](https://guycounseling.com/resume-tips/) The examinees get a detailed explanation of QoS and their applications and the skills needed to pass the 200-105 exam. The certification test is appropriate for network analysts, network specialists, network administrators and network engineers. To be confident when answering the questions, make sure that you strongly grasp network fundamentals, as well as routing and switching. - **200-125 CCNA** The exam checks whether or not a candidate has the skills and knowledge associated with WAN technologies, network fundamentals, infrastructure security, infrastructure services, IPv4 and IPv6 technologies and infrastructure management. The individuals are required to have a good grasp of 7 key topics to pass the test, namely: Network Fundamentals; Infrastructure Management; Routing Technologies; Infrastructure Services; Infrastructure Management; LAN Switchingand WAN Technologies. Each of these sections is assigned given percentage weights as stipulated on the exam’s official web page. The weights represent contribution of each topic to the total questions asked in the test. It goes without saying that the area with higher weight will account for more questions. Therefore, you ought to set aside more time for that given topic. In the previous exams, Cisco seems to have a high preference for more questions related to routing technologies. **Preparation options** To best way to prepare for the CCNA Routing and Switching certificate is to enroll inthe courses approved by Cisco. This is because the materials used in such courses are created by those experts who are likely to be involved in setting the exam questions. Enrolling for third party courses may be a viable option, butsuch resources may lack insider information that the Cisco’s own experts have. **ICDN1 Course:**It makes sure that you gain knowledge and skills for operating network layers 1-3. The topics covered in the course include wireless controllers, functions of firewalls, interactions with the firewall and access points. A special attention is paid on basic network security and IPv4 and IPv6. **ICDN2 Course:**The candidates who enroll in the course are equipped with knowledge and skills required to perform installation, configuration, operation and troubleshooting of small enterprise network. Important topics handled are: Cloud services, controller types andQoS elements. **Interconnecting Cisco Networking Devices: Accelerated:** This course integrates elements of both ICDN1 and ICDN2 so that you do not have to go around looking for materials from other places. It is a viable choice for those students who feel that they do not have enough time and want to do their studies from a single point of reference. **Conclusion** You should always aim at taking the test and passing it at your first attempt. However, if you happen to fail, do not despair. The candidates who fail to pass their exam have an option to retake it. In this regard, you are expected to wait up to 5 days from the date you failed the test so as to schedule a new exam day. Having understood the CCNA Routing and Switching certification, feel free to begin your preparation for the required exams. **Categories:** Career **Tags:** Certification, Employment, Job --- ### [Compulsive Smartphone Use Tied To Lower Well-Being, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-well-being-study-433/) **Published:** April 3, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man on smartphone](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/man-smartphone.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Link drawn between habitual smartphone use and mental health Do you spend a lot of time on your smartphone? Has your device become a kind of second appendage? Ever wonder if all that tapping, swiping and checking is negatively impacting your mental health? If the answer is yes then listen up – a new study published in [*Computers and Human Behavior*](https://www-sciencedirect-com.library.capella.edu/science/article/pii/S0747563219300883?via%3Dihub) suggests that people who compulsively use their smartphones experience lower levels of well-being and reduced life satisfaction. Australian investigators surveyed 539 adults to assess their smartphone use and general feelings of well-being. The results showed that for people who habitually sat on their phones, a direct line could be drawn between lower life satisfaction levels (well-being) and general self-concept. ![smartphone man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/smartphone.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Addicted to your smartphone ## What is problematic smartphone use? In a nutshell, problematic smartphone use can be [defined](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218301778) as a behavior whereby a person compulsively uses their phone in ways that interfere with activities of daily living, such as productivity, social relationships, and self-care. Guy Counseling spoke to certified counselor [David Bennett](http://thepopularman.com/) about the study to gain his impressions. “One of the biggest impacts of smartphone over-use that I see is that it draws people out of the present moment and causes folks to miss out on a lot of the opportunities for happiness and meaning right in front of them. The mental energy of checking twitter, responding to banal texts, or even keeping updated on stressful work emails on a minutely basis prevents you from using your emotional energy for other, more engaging things, including the people around you. While I love my smartphone, I’ve shifted my focus away from the constant notifications, social media fights, and collecting likes, and moved toward finding meaning in the people and places right in front of me. I have encouraged my clients to do the same,” says Bennet. ## How do you know you’ve got a problem? So, how do you know when the relationship with your smartphone has become an issue? We spoke to certified social worker [Adina Mahalli, MSW](https://www.mapleholistics.com/blog/author/adina-mahalli/) with Maple Holistics to get the answers, “You know that your smartphone is causing problems with your mental health when it is something that you rely on more than it being just an outlet. In fact, research shows that using a smartphone as a way to avoid emotions or out of boredom can be associated with negative mental health. Your phone shouldn’t be a coping mechanism, but you should possess the self-awareness to realize when it is,” says Mahalli. “Another sign that your smartphone usage is affecting your mental health is when you can feel that it’s sucking your time. Overuse of your smartphone can lead to a psychological dependency which results in anxiety, creating a never-ending negative feedback loop,” Mahalli adds. Study authors Sharon Horwood and Jeromy Anglim with [Deakin University in Australia](https://www.deakin.edu.au/) suggest their findings may be helpful for therapists in designing interventions for smartphone addiction in clinical settings. Previous [research](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-lonely-depression-411/) on constant smartphone use has revealed that some people can develop feelings of loneliness and symptoms of depression. Experts suggest [setting boundaries](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-boundaries/) around the use of phones with the goal of creating greater life satisfaction. Mahalli leaves us with the following to think about. “If a loss of a Wi-Fi signal or service puts you on edge, it could be a sign that your smartphone usage is causing problems with your mental health,” she says. **Categories:** Mind, News, Science **Tags:** Addiction, Mental Health, Smartphone --- ### [Men Who Hug and Hold Each other Encourage Healing](https://guycounseling.com/men-hug-hold-healing/) **Published:** March 28, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/hug.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Men who hug experience emotional benefits As men, our society teaches many of us to “cowboy up” and deal with emotions on our own. But a new group that encourages hugging and cuddling to heal past hurts may be changing all that. The [Men’s Therapeutic Cuddle](https://www.meetup.com/N-W-Philly-Mens-Only-Cuddle-Group/) Group in Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania is designed to offer guys a structured, safe and platonic environment where participants experience three things: acceptance, affirmation, and affection. Guy Counseling spoke to [Dr. John Moore](https://guycounseling.com/mens-expert-media-interviews/) about this group. He works with men around traumatic issues – and as a matter of full disclosure, is also the editor of this site. “Any group that encourages men to open up, communicate and heal from emotional pain is highly valuable. In my experience, men are desperate to have a safe place to share without fearing they will be judged.” Moore goes on to add, “The problem is we simply don’t have enough of these kinds of gatherings.” That need appears to be real. In an interview with [Philly.com](https://www.philly.com/health/men-cuddling-group-healing-trauma-mental-health-20190325.html), Scott Turner, co-founder of the group, shared the following: “So often, we’re taught that to be an emotional stoic is the mark of manhood. If you show any emotional weakness or vulnerability, that’s a failure to your title of a man.” The group offers an affirming place to heal for straight and gay men alike. Before admittance, there is a screening process to keep out folks who may have less than honest intentions. Holding and cuddling take place in several forms. For example, newcomers are introduced to the “motorcycle hold”. In this position, the hugger wraps his arms around the recipient’s torso from behind, like he’s driving a bike on the road. ![holding hugging men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/holding-hugging-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Hugging and holding – the Male Psychological Benefits Later, other forms of touching are introduced. Examples include the stroking of the limbs and even beards. There’s also a “puppy pile” where the men come together for a group hug and then gather on the floor to talk about what’s troubling them. So, you may be wondering if guys who embrace one another experience psychological relief? According to group member TJ McDonell, the answer appears to be yes. He shared with Philly.com that he’s had lifelong problems connecting with people. He also revealed that the group has helped him to work through trauma related to being molested as a child. “It allowed me to experience what good friendships are, what brothers are,” McDonnel said.  In describing his feelings after a group session, he said, “As a man among men, I feel …” More than a few scientific investigations have been published that demonstrate the power of touch. A [study](https://journals.lww.com/hnpjournal/Abstract/2008/03000/Effect_of_Healing_Touch_on_Stress_Perception_and.8.aspx) appearing in Holistic Nursing revealed emotional and psychological relief of problematic mood states occurred through short periods of touch therapy. Other [studies](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0145445504270876) have shown that [acceptance and commitment therapy](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) (ACT), which is a form of talk therapy \[and appears to be an element of the group\] also holds healing and restorative benefits. [Alex DeWoskin](http://www.insighteapinc.com/267/), a licensed social worker in Chicago who works with men told Guy Counseling the following after learning about the group: “I’d send some of my clients there in a minute. Honestly, I can’t tell you how desperate the need is for such gatherings – particularly for men dealing with trauma,” she said. **Would you join a group that encourages hugging, sharing, and holding? Please comment below in the discussion area.** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Holding, Hugging, Men, Touch, Trauma --- ### [Here’s Another Reason To Cut Back on Sugary Drinks](https://guycounseling.com/sugary-drinks-study-319/) **Published:** March 19, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![soda pop sugary drinks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/sugary-drinks-soda.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Apparently, sugary drinks can send you to an early grave Do you like dig sugary drinks, like a Coca-Cola or Mountain Dew? How about the ones that get you all jacked up, like Monster Energy? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. Millions of people enjoy these types of beverages – including me. That’s why having to tell you about this new study is a bummer. Ready for it? According to what’s just been published in the journal [Circulation](https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/abs/10.1161/CIRCULATIONAHA.118.037401), people who regularly reach for sugary drinks run the risk of dying prematurely (especially from cardiovascular disease). Yep, that’s right. Going by the research, folks who drank two to six sugar-sweetened beverages per week were 6 percent more likely to croak during the study period, compared with those who had just one per month. Think drinking something with an artificial sweetener lets you off the hook? So did I – until I dug into the research. Apparently, investigators found that drinking one artificially sweetened beverage (ASB) per day (as opposed to a sugary one lowered) did indeed lower the risk of croaking prematurely. That said, the study also found that drinking four or more ASBs per day was linked to early death in women. That sucks, doesn’t it? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/JabMoQGPxVYDS/giphy.gif?ssl=1) “Our results provide further support to limit intake of SSBs and to replace them with other beverages, preferably water, to improve overall health and longevity,” said Vasanti Malik, a researcher in the Department of Nutrition and lead author of the study. The good news is that over the past few decades, the consumption of sugary drinks has declined. But there’s room for concern because of a recent uptick among adults. The American Beverage Association, which serves as a voice for the non-alcoholic beverage industry, made the following comments to the folks at [Market Watch](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/drinking-two-or-more-sugary-sodas-or-sports-drinks-a-day-linked-with-early-death-especially-in-women-2019-03-18) in reaction to the study. “Soft drinks, like all the beverages made by our industry, are safe to consume as part of a balanced diet. The sugar used in our beverages is the same as sugar used in other food products. We don’t think anyone should overconsume sugar, that’s why we’re working to reduce the sugar people consume from beverages across the country. Additionally, low- and no-calorie sweeteners have been repeatedly confirmed as safe by regulatory bodies around the world.” So, what does all this mean? Should you simply cut off all sugary drinks and reach for water? Debbie Petitpain, a registered dietitian and spokesperson for the American Academy of Dietetics, spoke to [Web MD](https://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/news/20190318/stay-away-from-sugary-sodas-spare-your-heart) and said the following, “There’s no downside to cutting down on sugar-sweetened beverages.” That’s kind of a non-answer, don’t you think? Alice Lichtenstein a spokesperson for the American Heart Association, also spoke to Web MD and offered her insights, “The best advice we can give to people is to drink mainly water,” she said. **Related:** [Push-ups are good for your heart](https://guycounseling.com/push-ups-health-220/) Apparently, nobody has a concrete answer about how many sugary drinks is safe to have per day. Last year, [CNN](https://www.cnn.com/2012/05/18/health/jampolis-dangers-drinking-soda/index.html) carried a piece that stated the following, “The American Heart Association recommends consuming no more than 450 calories from sugar- sweetened beverages per week (the amount in three cans of cola)”. Well, at least that’s something. At the end of the day, it sounds like the general takeaway from this study is to drink more water and keep sugary beverages to a minimum. When you combine this study with other research that suggests coffee is terrible for you and fast food will kill you, one can’t help but wonder(at least for some of us) where the fun is in life? Oh well, I guess I’ll be drinking more water. How many sugary drinks do you have per day? **Categories:** Mind, Nutrition **Tags:** Death, Live Longer, Pop, Soda, Sugary Drinks --- ### [5 Self-Care Tips for Men During Addiction Recovery](https://guycounseling.com/addiction-recovery-tips-men/) **Published:** March 20, 2019 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![man smiling recovery addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/man-smiling.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Addiction, Recovery and men The idea of “self-care” isn’t new. In fact, it’s a pretty popular buzzword nowadays. But contrary to popular believe, it’s not just about “massages and journaling.” It can encompass whatever **you** need it to. That’s the beauty of self-care—it’s all about you and whatever actions you want to take to protect your physical and emotional health. Maybe this includes eating mindfully, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Or perhaps, for you, it’s something different. The important thing is that you are not dismissing self-care as simply a collection of “feminine” activities like manicures, shopping, visits to the spa, or even a good, long cry. For many guys, being seen as feminine means being seen as weak. Even in today’s society, some still believe that men are “supposed” to be self-sufficient. They’re “supposed” to keep their emotions in check and maintain a stoic appearance—at least that’s what many are taught. And society only reinforces these ideas. Unfortunately, these masculine ideals—especially keeping emotions bottled up—have real consequences. Men are [3.5 times more likely](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/01/ce-corner) than women to commit suicide. They’re also [more likely](https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/substance-use-in-women/sex-gender-differences-in-substance-use) to binge drink and struggle with drug and alcohol addiction and dependence. Historically, there’s been a shortage of self-care information available that’s geared specifically toward men. Thankfully, this is changing. Men’s websites, like [Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/), are increasingly embracing and promoting the idea that men’s emotional and physical health matters. And that asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of—in fact, it’s something one can take pride in. And considering our nation’s continuing battle with epidemic levels of addiction, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues—it’s about time. **Good Self-Care Is Vital for Men in Recovery Let’s do some myth-busting: There’s nothing inherently effeminate or emasculating about taking good care of yourself. It’s not self-indulgent. It’s not selfish. It’s essential for physical and psychological wellbeing. If you’re in recovery for addiction (or even if you’re not), here are some solid, easily accessible (and mostly free) self-care strategies you can start doing—now. ![man smiling african american handsome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/smiling-black-man-suit-taylor-grote-415993-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Routines help ## 1. Establish a routine—and stick to it  Routine is important for everyone, but especially for those recovering from addiction. Lack of structure can make you feel even more stressed and anxious—a bad combination when you’re already in a vulnerable state. Too much unstructured time can also lead to boredom and put you at risk of resuming unhealthy or risky behaviors. Structure and routine can help make recovery feel less overwhelming. Plus, routine is compatible with the rhythms of your body clock—you simply function better when you sleep, eat, work, and exercise on a consistent schedule. ## 2. Stay socially active  For most people in recovery, having a support system of sober peers is crucial. Isolation and loneliness can make you more susceptible to relapse. If you struggle with anxiety, depression, or another mental health issue, isolating can make symptoms worse. If you’ve cut ties with your old drinking buddies or ended friendships that weren’t serving you well, recovery can feel especially lonely. Support groups can help you establish healthy new friendships with sober peers. If you’re put off by some aspect of traditional 12-step programs, there are other support groups—there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. If you started your journey at an alcohol or addiction treatment center, they may offer aftercare programs and the opportunity to link up with a sober companion. ![journal thoughts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/outdoorsman.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Get outdoors ## 3. Get a regular dose of Vitamin “N.”  The therapeutic value of spending time in nature is proven. It’s why certain forward-thinking  [addiction treatment centers](https://seasonsmalibu.com/about/our-facilities/?utm_source=guy_counseling&utm_medium=influencer&utm_campaign=guy_counseling_seasons_in_malibu_2019) offer a holistic track that includes activities like gardening, surfing, hiking, and outdoor yoga. Research has shown that [spending time in nature](https://guycounseling.com/nature-lifts-mood-114/) can help improve mood, boost cognition, and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. There are plenty of physical health benefits, too. One study found that a walk in the woods lowered participants’ pulse rates by an average of 4 percent and their blood pressure by an average of 2 percent. Modern life is stressful, and stress puts you at risk of relapse. Whether you’re a die-hard nature lover or a devoted couch potato, make Mother Nature a rejuvenating part of your self-care plan. ## **4. Meditate** People have been practicing meditation for centuries, but science is just beginning to uncover the extraordinary effects of meditation on the brain. If you want to achieve better control over your thoughts, impulses, and behavior—yep, you guessed it, [start meditating](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). There are plenty of misconceptions about meditation—that it’s all about “loving kindness,” or that it’s inextricably tied to religion or spirituality. The truth is that it means different things to different people. But one thing is certain: Meditation can help exercise the brain and comes with a slew of possible [health benefits](https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/12-benefits-of-meditation#section6), including reduced stress and anxiety, better attention span, and improved self-awareness—just to name a few. Brain scans [show](https://www.newscientist.com/article/2149489-different-meditation-types-train-distinct-parts-of-your-brain/) that different types of meditation train different parts of your brain so make it a part of your self-care plan and see the difference it can make in your recovery. ![man sleeping](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/man-sleeping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Sleep is critical ## **5. Get enough sleep**  Sleep is as essential to our survival as water, food, and air. The modern world makes it hard to get enough quality sleep. Blue light from smartphones and other devices disrupt our sleep hormones. Noisy neighbors keep us up at night. Late night work projects take priority. Trying to de-stress after a long day is hard. But sleep is so important to physical, mental, and emotional health that it’s worth doing everything possible to catch more Z’s. Put down the smartphone 30 minutes before bed, take a hot shower, do a 10-minute meditation—whatever it takes. These are just some of the many practices that can help fuel your recovery. Eating a well-balanced diet, getting regular exercise, managing stress, and setting aside time for your favorite hobbies are other ways to practice good self-care. Why? Because you matter and you’re worth it. We all need to hear that sometimes, don’t we? — **About the Author** Dr. Nancy Irwin is a licensed clinical psychologist on staff with [Seasons in Malibu](https://seasonsmalibu.com/about/our-staff/?utm_source=guy_counseling&utm_medium=influencer&utm_campaign=guy_counseling_seasons_in_malibu_2019), a rehab center providing world-class addiction treatment and dual diagnosis care. Dr. Irwin is a trauma expert and treats the underlying cause of addictions. She works with a team of psychiatrists, addiction specialists and therapists at Seasons in Malibu, creating unique, personalized treatment programs for every client. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Addiction, Recovery, Self-Care, Sobriety --- ### [7 Goal Setting Mistakes That Hold You Back From Success](https://guycounseling.com/goal-setting-mistakes/) **Published:** March 24, 2019 **Author:** AJ Sturges **Content:** ![athlete goal setting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/guy-athlete.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do you make these goal setting mistakes? New Years resolutions. Sales targets. Weight loss. Goals surround us. Strap on a smart watch or pocket your phone, and goals will track you while you sleep, and be your first buzzing reminder when you wake up. Steps. Calories. . And while there is no question as to the benefits of having a sense of purpose and direction in life (), goal setting culture has become so rampant that you practically have to set goals about setting your goals! With so much pressure towards goal setting, it is no surprise that many are finding it difficult to feel like they are being successful. Their broken goals discarded like a land of misfit toys. > ### “A GOAL WITHOUT A PLAN IS JUST A WISH” But let’s say you’re motivated. You’re inspired. You have a clear sense of WHERE you are trying to go and now you are ready map out a route of routines, behaviors, interactions, and milestones that will lead you to the desired outcome. Here are the seven most common mistakes people make when setting goals that can help you take the first step on your journey to achievement: ## 1. The goal is too big One of the most common mistakes made when setting goals is going too far, too big, too fast. A Silicon Valley creed credited to Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is “move fast and break things”, a mindset that evokes feelings of fearlessness and divine purpose and has driven the rise of “[ ](https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/when-goal-setting-goes-bad)” and “” culture. Being someone with a “reach for the stars” [mentality](https://guycounseling.com/men-mental-wellness/) and setting large goals is easily confused for ambition despite there being no actual capacity in place to achieve those goals. This is how people find themselves spending hours, days, weeks, or even YEARS crafting perfect goals while not taking a single step towards achieving them. They live in the fantasy. Imagine standing at the foot of (North America’s highest peak) and fantasizing about . You can picture it clearly, victorious, smiling. An enjoyable mental space to spend some time. All the while, those with better goals are out there actually climbing that peak and enjoying those views. ## 2. The goal is too small Important to note: all goals are relative. A small goal for one may be an enormous step for another. For example, not having a drink tonight may not be a big deal for person A, whereas abstaining from alcohol for the next five minutes may be a monumental challenge for person B, actively in recovery from addiction. The size of a goal does matter so much as the motivation it can provide. A goal completed, or just envisioning a goal completed, should stir feelings of excitement, [confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/), energy, and pride. Goals that fall too far inside of our “comfort zone” are unable to do this because they are so routine, and the outcomes so familiar. A good guide for finding the “sweet spot” is this . The midpoint between ambitious challenge and blissful security is where we hope to find ourselves. Another path to learn about this is to this is to [find your Flow State](https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/mihaly-csikszentmihalyi-father-of-flow/). ![goal setting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are you setting goals the right way? ## 3. The goal is too public The modern impact of social media can even be felt in our goal setting habits. Research debate the pros/ cons of public goal setting given the misleading satisfaction it can bring to the creator. Sharing your goal with your support network can add layers of accountability and motivation to your journey. However, sharing your goals and your progress on Facebook or Instagram (#instagains) can also trick you into thinking more progress has been made than there actually has been. What happens is the brain responds to the positive social feedback received through announcing a goal similar to the reaction that occurs when the goal is fully completed. By publicizing the goal or the progress, you are bypassing the difficult work required to fully achieve the goal and stealing the psychological benefits that are supposed to be saved for when you cross the finish line. Imagine getting your IronMan medal after finishing the first leg of the race. Would that impact your motivation to complete the rest of the race? Overall, it is important to avoid the tendency to reach for temporary social approval (telling everyone about your goals), especially if this may impact your long-term achievement. ## 4. The goal is too private Goals, like plants, die in the dark. Give your goals some light! Once a goal is set, it should be written down. Get it out of your head. Put that piece of paper somewhere you will see it every day (bathroom mirror, night stand). That consistent reminder will be there for you even when you busy or avoiding the work necessary to make progress towards your goal. And while too much sunlight (see #3) can be harmful to your goal, finding creative ways to consistently and openly be reminded of your goal is a healthy path forward. ![confusing goals](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/handsome-man-1.jpg?resize=603%2C381&ssl=1)Goals and outcomes aren’t the same ## 5. Confusing process vs. outcome goals Yet another common mistake made in goal setting is that people prioritize outcome goals over process goals. Outcome goals focus on the end result: win my race, make my sales quota, or earn a promotion within two years. While this version of goal can be beneficial in a) identifying the desired outcome, b) initiating useful behaviors and change, and c) offering motivation, they do nothing to help answer the question of “HOW?”. It’s great that you want to set a goal and achieve a high standard of performance. But HOW are you going to do that? This question of “HOW?” must be asked over and over again of a single goal until the actual process (or processes) are uncovered that will lead to the desired outcome. For example: earning a promotion will require improving performance, which includes increasing sales, which is done by establishing new buyer relationships, which requires making X amount of daily phone calls. Using the established desired outcome, uncover the essential processes that contribute to your potential success. ## 6. Not focusing on SMART goals There is rarely a discussion of goal setting without the mention of SMART goals. This is an acronym tirelessly used to help teach proper goal setting techniques, and its simple message applies in various topics already discussed here. Apply these strategies to your goal to make it stronger, more resilient, and to enhance your potential of being successful. - Specific: “I want to get into better shape” vs. “I want to train for the upcoming triathlon in my town”. Be absolutely clear about what you want! - Measureable: What is being counted? What feedback will you be assessing? Data is everything ! - Agreed Upon: Is this goal really worth your time? Consult with trusted sources to make sure you are applying your energy to the right cause. - Realistic: What are your realistic chances for achieving this goal? Are you setting yourself up for failure or success? - Time-bound: When does the buzzer sound? When do we tally the score? When will you determine whether or not you accomplished the goal or failed? Remember, an assignment without a due date rarely gets completed. ![goals and achievement](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/taurus-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Why did you set the goal in the first place? ## 7. Not knowing your why Lastly, take the necessary time to understand why this goal is important to you. Are you being told to do this? Is the motivation external? Is this a childhood dream? Or are you chasing someone else’s dreams? Setting and pursuing goals is an incredibly personal experience that should be taken seriously. Write in a journal or talk to a counselor/ coach about what started you on this journey. For a high-quality goal to take root, it is not the first step that is most important. Rather, effectively preparing for the first step will often determine your level of consistency, discipline, and determination towards realizing the wonderful feeling of accomplishing a goal. ## Wrap Up Setting goals is one thing but going about the business of reaching them is another thing entirely. Hopefully, the suggestions offered here will help you make wiser, smarter decisions on goal attainment. If you are interested in learning more, consider picking up a copy of SMART Goals Made Simple by Scott ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2UPOJU1)). Inside, you’ll find lots of useful insight with hands on, practical application. Thanks for stopping by. **References:** Quote block: credited to Antoine de Saint-Exupery Outdoor Magazine. (2018). Katie Bono Just Set the Speed Record Up Denali. 8 ways to create flow according to [Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi](https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/mihaly-csikszentmihalyi-father-of-flow/). Posted in “Positive Psychology Program” and updated February, 2019 **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Goal Setting, goals, mental toughness, Positive Thinking, Sports --- ### [Sending Positive Thoughts To Strangers Boosts Happiness, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thoughts-happiness-study/) **Published:** April 1, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man smiling positive thoughts happiness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/man-smiling.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Link found between wishing others happiness and improved mood A new paper appearing in the [Journal of Happiness Studies](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10902-019-00100-2) suggests that wishing strangers happiness can make you happy and reduce anxiety. Guy Counseling spoke to licensed psychotherapist [Jennifer Lawal](https://bit.ly/2V8Ps2R) in Chicago about the research to gain her impressions. “When we hold positive thoughts for others, even for people we don’t know, it has a way of lifting our mood while calming our minds. The study makes perfect sense,” Lawal said. Investigators at Iowa State University asked college students to walk around a building located on campus for 12 minutes while contemplating one of three different things about the strangers they encountered: **1. Loving Kindness Contemplation:** This approach involves wishing someone happiness. An eight-word mantra was repeated that literally says, *I wish for this person to be happy*. **2. Interconnectedness Contemplation:** Participants who used this approach thought about possible shared common bonds, hopes, and aspirations they might have with the strangers they encountered. **3. Downward Social Comparison:** Using this approach, participants engaged in positive thinking by considering how they might be better off (happier, healthier, etc.) than the folks they encountered. Just before the students took their walks, researchers recorded their baseline levels of anxiety, happiness, stress, and general feelings of connectedness. A control group was used as part of the research where participants were told to merely observe the outward appearance of strangers but not meditate or send positive energy. The results of the study showed that of the three types of contemplations, the students who wished strangers happiness, (“I wish for this person to be happy”) reaped the greatest rewards. The authors shared the following in the paper’s abstract: “Those who wished others well (loving-kindness) had **lower anxiety**, **greater happiness**, **greater empathy**, and **higher feelings of caring and connectedness** than those in a control condition.” What was interesting about this study relates to downward social contemplation (i.e., comparing to others). For these students, the results showed they experienced zero mood-lifting benefits. In fact, they felt less connected to others and less happy, which may lend credence to the belief that comparing ourselves to others is emotionally and mentally unhealthy. “Although social comparison theory suggests that downward social comparison should improve mood, this study found that it had no beneficial effects relative to the control condition and was significantly worse than the loving-kindness condition. This brief loving-kindness contemplation worked equally well across several measured individual differences, and is a simple intervention that can be used to reduce anxiety, increase happiness, empathy, and feelings of social connection,” reads the study’s abstract. At its core, the participants in this study engaged in what’s called the *Loving Kindness Meditation* ([LKM](https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/loving_kindness_meditation)). It literally involves sending warmth, goodwill, and kindness to others using a series of mantras. Previous [research](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thoughts-self-compassion/) conducted by University of Exeter related to positive thinking, kindness, and self-compassion demonstrated mood lifting benefits and a reduction in anxiety. So, there you have it, folks. If you are looking to boost your mood, [become calmer](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/), and feel more connected to the world, try engaging in positive thinking and tie in a Loving Kindness Meditation. **Do you consciously hold positive thoughts? If so, what benefits have you experienced?** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety, happiness, joy, zen --- ### [8 Types Of Guys Who'll Make Great Best Friends](https://guycounseling.com/8-types-of-guys-wholl-make-great-best-friends/) **Published:** March 10, 2019 **Author:** Devin Jackson Randall **Content:** ![](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1511311219972-4df5faba0fd5?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1050&q=80)Photo by Thiago Barletta on Unsplash ## 8 Archetypes For Great Best Friends Friendship is a beautiful thing. Many of us have had a great group of friends or two in our lives. They have been there for us in the best of times and worst of them. Whether they are all guys, all girls, or a mix, friends have made all of our lives better in one way or another. To honor these groups if friends and the friendship they bring, we’ve written up the following list of friend archetypes. Within every group of friends are different types of people. But, it seems like we take on roles, archetypes, and personas in each group. There’s the joker, the leader, the slutty one, and more. While this list of roles can be pretty endless, and some friends take on multiple roles, we’ve written down 8 that seem fairly common. ### The Joker Within every group there is one guy or girl who loves to make jokes. They’re the funny guy who keeps everyone entertained. The entertainer of the group. Sometimes, these jokers don’t even mean to be so funny. They may make mistakes often or be naturally clumsy, but their group of friends love them for that and in spite of it. Look around your group of friends and see who’s the joker in your group. ### The Player There are plenty of other terms for this friend. The loose one, the sex addict, the man slut. Let’s face it, there’s always one friend who likes sex way more then the rest of the group. Of course, no shaming over here. Sex is as natural as breathing and should be experienced regularly. Just seems like your one friend Ivan breathes like he’s in a 10K race. No matter what, we love our player friends for who they are. Plus, they always have the best stories! ![](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1522032662723-6649e699785f?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1050&q=80)Photo by Marcus Wallis on Unsplash ### The Parent With most groups, you often have a parent figure. Someone who enjoys taking care of others. Making meals, making blankets/clothing, and making sure everyone is ok. These natural born moms and dads take are great friends because they take care of the group. They watch out for the drunk one when clubbing and make soup when you’re sick. They’re not your real parents, but they’re the next best thing. ### The Partier And just as there’s a mature friend, there’s typically an immature one too. This is the friend who will make all the wrong decisions at a party… and you kind of love them for it. The partier in your group is all about getting wasted and having a good laugh while doing it. They know all the good party spots and know the best ways to have fun. Just be careful not to meet their drink count or you might get hurt. ![](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1484712401471-05c7215830eb?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1050&q=80)Photo by Zachary Nelson on Unsplash ### The Popular One Your group of friends might also have a popular friend who knows everyone. With this friend, you could go together to the grocery store, a park, and train station with someone approaching him or her every time. Your popular friend can open up your social life and maybe get you into VIP sections or the front of a line. At the very least, they will help you make more friends wherever you go. ### The Quiet One Conversely, you might be friends with someone a little more quiet. That silent person may not say much, but their friendship is just as strong, if not stronger, than all the others. Being quiet can mean not talking much or just having a quieter voice than others. No matter what, that person found friends who’ll either speak up for them or appreciate the power in whatever quiet words are shared. ![](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1532649842991-60f6a04df35d?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1050&q=80)Photo by Parker Gibbons on Unsplash ### The Artist Then there’s the friend who’s constantly asking you to support their art. The artist friend can be a painter, an actor, a singer, or whaterver else. But, they will still fit under this archetype. Whether it’s a hobby, a fervent career, or a lie your friend tells himself, the friend will constantly remind you that he’s an artist. But when you show up to every performance or art gala, it’ll be cool to say, “That’s my friend.’ ### The Leader Sometimes, there’s also a friend who acts like the leader and center of the group. Sometimes, they’re the one who knows everyone from the group and brought everyone together. The brother, the college roommate, the coworker, and so on. Sometimes, they just tend to take the lead with group involved logistics. They’ll handle buying concert tickets or organize the takeout order. Basically, they’re the most responsible person in the group. And you love them for it. ![](https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1531173211668-450ce338273a?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1050&q=80)Photo by Fábio Alves on Unsplash ### Friend Archetypes Let’s thank all our friends for lighting up our lives. They bring diversity and fun to our lives with their jokes, their mothering, their bad decisions, and their leadership. Thank a friend today and then ask them which friend archetype you are. Then, [let me know on Twitter](https://twitter.com/DevJackRan) or message [Guy Counseling’s Twitter page](https://twitter.com/guycounseling). **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Bros, Friends, Friendship, List, Lists --- ### [Study Draws Link Between Social Media and Envy](https://guycounseling.com/study-envy-social-media-301/) **Published:** March 1, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ## ![envy green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/envy-green-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Social media envy has neurological ties to how people process rewards Envy – it’s one of the seven deadly sins and can lead to the corruption of your sense of self-worth and happiness. It’s when you covet the traits or possessions of someone else. Envy can also be directed negatively at another person. That’s when you wish bad things will happen to someone just because you feel that their life is better than yours. Envy is a primordial failing for humanity as evidenced by the story of Cain and Abel. In the biblical book of Genesis, Cain murdered his brother Abel because he was envious of God’s favor toward him. It’s such a pernicious quality that it’s even included in the Ten Commandments. *Thou shall not covet…* Envy is older than dirt, but it’s taken on new dimensions with the rise of social media. With apps like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter, people are exposed to perfectly-filtered images that arouse our feelings of jealously, vanity and envy. How we view our own social status seem to be directly influenced by the perception of the social status of others. There was an [insightful study](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41593-018-0229-7) published in the *Nature Neuroscience* journal that looked at the neurological triggers for envy. ## ![social media selfie envy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/selfie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)The Research Researchers at the National Institute for Physiological Sciences trained pairs of macaques to receive certain rewards together and the scientists recorded their physiological responses. They used macaques in the research because of their genetic similarities to humans. The researchers identified specific physiological reactions such as licking of the lips as an indicator of appreciation for a reward and they also measured brain activity when rewards and treats were handed out. The study showed that a macaque placed lesser value on its own treats when its partner also received the same treat. Yet, when one macaque was favored over the other, that test subject was happier with their own reward. To summarize the findings of the study, corresponding author Masaki Isoda said, “When water was provided into a bucket, rather than a fellow macaque, in these cases, signs of envy were not exhibited.” In other words, the test subjects viewed their own reward through the subjective lens of their social surroundings. A reward was given less value when the macaque’s partner had the same reward, but they experienced a greater sense of envy when the reward system was one-sided or even neutral. The grass is truly greener in someone else’s yard, not just neutral space. This study sheds light on what people experience when they look at profile pages on social media, too. When you see someone else’s vacation photos, you’re more likely to experience envy than if you just looked at random images of vacation destinations. ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/interracial-couple-white-indian-woman-black-man-phone-selfie-la.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Snapshots that Paint Inaccurate Pictures Yet, there’s a false equivalent at play here. Social media doesn’t provide you with a true perspective of peoples’ lives – just snapshots of their best moments. To gain perspective on social media envy, we reached out to [Erika Martinez](http://www.envisionwellness.co/), Psy.D., CDWF, a licensed Psychologist practicing in Miami. She agreed that “People forget that they’re seeing the best curated 2% of someone’s life as they scroll through their feeds. They take that 2% and generalize it to 100%. They start to feel like they fall short, are boring, not good enough, etc.  Eventually, it leads to more depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and perfectionism of trying to keep up an image. The *real* person gets lost under the illusion of a perfect veneer.” There’s been a rise in psychological studies surrounding social media in recent years and researchers have been trying to better understand how [social media affects](https://guycounseling.com/social-media-ease-anxiety-1213/) the way people think and behave. Most of the results seem to highlight the negative psychological effects of social media, but there haven’t been many studies that specifically search for positive benefits. Dr. Martinez is also closely examining the latest research. She says that “This digital world we’re living in is definitely wreaking havoc on our mental health, with Instagram being the biggest culprit according to the research I’ve seen.” What about the aspect of envy that makes you want to see a person fail? Haven’t you heard stories of “lurkers” – people who aren’t actively engaging with your content on social media, but they don’t want to unfriend you or stop following your timeline feed? The recent study on macaques might lend further clarity here, as well. The authors of the study believe that this has a natural psychological function. When humans had to compete more for limited resources and potential mates, someone’s success was almost always linked to someone else’s failure. When a social peer gained resources, that meant that there were fewer resources available for oneself. So, when someone keeps lurking around to see negative posts from someone that make them [green with envy](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/), it might just mean that there’s a psychological trigger that considers someone’s loss as their own status gain. **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** Emotions, Envy, Social Media --- ### [5 Hacks for Calming Your Dog During a Thunderstorm](https://guycounseling.com/calm-dog-thunderstorm/) **Published:** February 25, 2019 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![dog](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/calm-dog.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Here’s how to make your dog calmer when it storms The crashing thunder and flashing lightning of a thunderstorm can be particularly frightening for dogs. Indeed, the loud noises and flashing lights often cause them to become anxious, scared, and jumpy. Luckily, however, there are some things you can do to keep your dog calm during a [thunderstorm](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0168159105001152), such as: ### **1. Play Soft Music** Create a calming contrast to the frightening weather sounds with some music. Classical music has been found to have a soothing effect on pets. If bad weather is forecast, turn on your speakers and allow your dog to listen to some Mozart or Chopin instead of the terrifying sounds of thunder. ### **2. Do Not Leave Them Alone** Isolation will only heighten the [anxiety and fear](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/) your pet experiences. During a thunderstorm, try to ensure you or someone else is around to keep your dog company. When the dog senses a friendly human presence, they will be less likely to feel afraid or nervous. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/t7Qb8655Z1VfBGr5XB/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ### **3. Play with Them** One of the best ways to calm your pet is to actually play with them. The pleasant distraction will take their attention away from the anxiety-causing weather. A light game of fetch comes highly recommended. Before long, your dog will have forgotten all about the bad weather and will instead be focused only on chasing their favorite ball. ### **4. Create a Safe Space for Them** During a thunderstorm, [dogs](https://guycounseling.com/hiking-camping-dogs-tips/) will often try to find a safe space to hide in. You can create the perfect safe space for them by placing a crate or comfortable dog bed in the quietest corner of your house; preferably away from any windows. Put simply, the less your dog hears and feels the storm, the happier and more relaxed they will be. ### **5. Distract Them with Treats and Toys** When a storm is closing in, you can distract your dog by providing them with their favorite treats or allowing them to play with their favorite toy. This will keep them focused on something other than the weather and will allow them to do something fun instead of simply shaking and crying. ### **In Closing** Experiencing a storm is never a pleasant experience for a pet. However, if you remain patient and follow the tips contained in this article, your dog will soon feel happier and more relaxed when it sees and hears thunder and lightning. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Animals, Anxiety, Dog, Dogs, Pets, Weather --- ### [Chris Hemsworth To Go From Thor To Hulk!](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-hulk/) **Published:** February 20, 2019 **Author:** Eric Paul Erickson **Content:** ![chris hemsworth hulk](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/chris-hemsworth-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Hemsworth to get all Hulk! After years of playing everyone’s favorite God of Thunder Thor, Chris Hemsworth is changing things up and is going to be the Hulk!  No, not the Big Green Guy but Hulk Hogan! [The Hollywood Reporter](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/chris-hemsworth-play-hulk-hogan-biopic-1186126) broke the news that the 35-year-old Australian actor Hemsworth, known for his roles in Marvel films and as Captain James T. Kirk’s father in the film *Star Trek*, will suit up to play the Hulkster in a new film for Netflix. The movie will be directed by Todd Phillips, who helmed *The Hangover* Trilogy and the upcoming DC Comics film *Joker* starring Joaquin Phoenix. While Hulkamaniacs around the world are rejoicing, Netflix has not yet set a release date for the project. The film will be written by Scott Silver who penned *8 Mile*, *The Finest Hours* and *The Fighter*. Academy Award winner Michael Sugar will produce along with Hemsworth and Eric Bischoff. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/12AS6Ap0bZmS7S/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Bischoff is known to many for his time running World Championship Wrestling, In the 90s, WCW was a main competitor of World Wrestling Entertainment and signed Hogan in order to compete with the rival company. Bischoff eventually went to work for the WWE after they purchased WCW in the early 2000s. **Related:** [Get Thor’s beard!](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) The film is said to chronicle Hulk Hogan’s beginnings and his rise to the top of the WWF, as it was called then, and his crossover into mainstream television and film. Beginning his career in Florida in the 1970s, Hogan became one the biggest stars in the history of wrestling, spinning off into his own toys, cartoons, television shows and films. In his later life, Hogan was besieged by a number of scandals both personally and professionally. However the film will not address this part of his career and instead will concentrate on Hogan’s origin as a pop culture icon. Hemsworth [recently released his own workout app called “Centr.”](https://www.latimes.com/health/la-he-chris-hemsworth-5-questions-20190220-story.html) The app offers users customized workout and eating plans so they can achieve their own unique fitness goals. Hemsworth also appears in the upcoming reboot of the *Men In Black* franchise, *MIB International*. It’s not yet know if Hemsworth, who became known for his flowing hair in the first two *Thor* and *Avengers* films, will mimic Hogan’s trademark long blond but thinning locks. **What do you think? Is Chris Hemsworth a good fit for this role? Will you watch?** **Categories:** Entertainment, Field Notes, News **Tags:** Chris Hemsworth, Hemsworth, Hulk, Thor --- ### [Here's Why The Number of Push-Ups You Do Matters, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/push-ups-health-220/) **Published:** February 20, 2019 **Author:** Eric Paul Erickson **Content:** ![push-ups](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/push-up.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending: Push-ups and cardio health So how many pushups can you do in a minute? 10? 20? If you want to live longer and have a better chance of avoiding heart disease, you might want to get that number up to at least 40. A recent study released by researchers at Harvard University found that men who could do more than 40 consecutive push-ups had a 96 percent reduction in cardiovascular issues. The investigation was conducted over ten years using looking at more than a thousand active male firefighters from Indiana with the median age of 39.6. Of those studied, 37 heart disease related events were documented, but only one of them occurred in the men who could complete 40 push-ups. The study was published February 15th by the [Journal of the American Medical Association](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2724778). Participants had to complete the push-ups in about a minute. The study also found that participants who could do at least 11 push-ups had a lower risk of cardiovascular problems than those who could only do ten push-ups. However, it was those who could do 40 who had the largest reduction of risk of cardiovascular issues. According to statistics from the [Centers for Disease Control](https://www.cdc.gov), about 610,000 people die of heart disease every year in the United States. Cardiovascular issues are the leading cause of death for men and women and annually about 735,000 Americans have a heart attack. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l378BR9dl8S9Inl9m/giphy.gif?ssl=1) However, scientists did caution that the ability to do a large number of pushups is only one identifier and there are many other factors including age, aerobic fitness levels and a person’s body mass index. **Related:** [Ultimate pushup guide!](https://guycounseling.com/push-up-guide/) “This study emphasizes the importance of physical fitness on health and why clinicians should assess fitness,” study author Professor Stefanos Kales said in a statement. Participants were given a physical exam and medical questionnaire every year. Scientists also gave participants a treadmill test, but found that the push-up ability was a more accurate indicator of potential heart trouble. Treadmill tests are often more expensive and take larger amounts of time, so they aren’t done routinely. Scientists said the next step is to study links between heart disease and push-up ability in less active men and women. So, how many push-ups can you do? Assuming you do them, are you trying to beat your current number? Does this new line of research motivate you to tack on a few extra? **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** cardio, Heart, Push Ups, Pushup --- ### [Army Raising The Bar With New Fitness Test](https://guycounseling.com/army-new-fitness-test-217/) **Published:** February 17, 2019 **Author:** Eric Paul Erickson **Content:** ![army raising phystical fitness requirements](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mental-toughness-military-basic-training.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Updated Fitness Test for Army The United States Army is implementing a new fitness test and soldiers are finding it’s far tougher and more rigorous than ever. The new and revised Army Physical Fitness Test will replace the current one which has been the standard since 1980. Army officials explained that the existing APFT wasn’t properly measuring the physical requirements soldiers needed for the battlefield. The new APFT is based upon actual things soldiers might encounter in combat such as sprinting under fire or carrying heavy loads, like a wounded soldier or equipment. The test has six parts, which are done in sequence and take about an hour. - A dead lift - A standing power throw with a ten-pound medicine ball - Two minutes of hand release pushups - A Sprint-Drag-Carry course with 50-yard segments. - Two minutes of pull-ups - A two-mile run In the past, soldiers taking the APFT were graded differently based upon age or sex. The new test will grade all soldiers the same. There are however, differences according to assignment and therefore jobs that are more physically demanding require higher scores. ![military fitness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/military-training.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)New APFT coming to the Army The current APFT is two minutes of sit-ups, a two-mile run and two minutes of pushups. It was applied in 1980, but the Army has had some sort of test going back to 1858. Active soldiers are required to take the test twice a year. According to an article published in the [Salisbury Post](https://www.salisburypost.com/2019/02/17/army-aims-for-more-combat-ready-troops-with-new-fitness-test/), commanders have voiced concerns over the past few years that soldiers aren’t in good enough shape when they come out basic training. A survey of commanders in 2018 revealed half of them said that troops coming into their units would be unable to meet the physical demands required in a real-life combat situation. The new test has been rolled out to over 60 bases across the country for fine-tuning. It will then be implemented through the entire Army by October of this year, before becoming the official exam for all soldiers in October 2020. Commanders said that the test might be tough for some soldiers who are used to the easier current APFT and may have gotten a bit soft working behind a desk or in an office. But commanders said they were confident the soldiers would adjust. **Related:** [More enlisted are turning to private counseling](https://guycounseling.com/military-mental-health-271/) The United States Marine Corps has also been looking to retool their fitness regiment. Military media has reported on changes being made to the USMC’s program based upon the British Royal Marine’s fitness regiment. Similar to the Army, their goal is also to better prepare Marines for the physical requirements of combat. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Army, military, Physical Fitness --- ### [Short Workouts Can Offer Major Health Benefits, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/15-minutes-exercise-health-130/) **Published:** January 30, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive men exercise gym for health](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/exercise-gym-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Study reveals there’s no need to spend hours working out Do you spend hours at the gym pumping iron? Is part of your motivation for doing this linked to health? Wishing you could spend less time working out and not lose any of the benefits? Well, according to a new study, this may be possible. Researchers have discovered that a 15-minute HIIT session reaps major health benefits. In case you don’t know, HIIT is the acronym for High-Intensity Interval Training. The study, appearing in the journal of [Experimental Physiology](https://physoc.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1113/EP087435), found that men who engage in 15-minutes of HIIT training three times a week saw improved insulin levels and increased muscle strength. The cool thing is that the participants who took part in this six-week study started to see results in as early as two weeks. That’s kind of incredible when one considers their medium age was 36 and were all overweight. **Related:** [Here’s why you lose muscle mass](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) This particular line of research does away with the conventional wisdom that holds one must spend hours sweating out with resistance training to gain any real benefits. The other interesting thing about the study relates to folks who live with Type-2 diabetes. As you may know, insulin is a hormone that is responsible for regulating blood sugar in the body. People with diabetes or similar hormone-related disorders know how difficult it can be to bring blood sugar levels down. If left unchecked, this can cause weight gain, cardiovascular problems, and increased risk for other health issues. So, going by the research, short intervals of exercise may offer a natural way to combat unstable blood sugar levels while helping to keep weight under control. All of this is welcome news, don’t you think? Instead of slogging it out for hours [doing curls](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/) and squats, it may only require a fraction of the time. Now before you embark on any fitness routine, it’s always a good idea to check with your doctor. Assuming you get the green light, HIIT-type exercises may be a smart choice. **Related:** [Do nighttime workouts mess with sleep?](https://guycounseling.com/exercise-night-sleep-1319/) **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Exercise, gym, health, muscle --- ### [How To Let Go of Deep Shame and Heal](https://guycounseling.com/shame-secrets-study-213/) **Published:** February 13, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![shame man reflecting thinking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/man-window-reflecting-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New study sheds light on shame Have you done something in the past that makes you feel ashamed? Whenever you think about this event, do feelings of sadness start bubbling up? Are you keeping whatever happened a secret? If so, you aren’t alone. The truth is most of us have done something in the past that we deeply regret. And if you are like most folks, that “thing” you did is something you don’t share with others. But maybe you should. According to a new [study](https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/emo-emo0000542.pdf) released by the American Psychological Association, people who felt shame about a secret were more likely to ruminate over it when compared to folks who felt guilty about their secret. You may be wondering what the difference is between the two terms? In simple speak, ***shame*** is a painful feeling about something we’ve done to another that we perceive as dishonorable. Conversely, ***guilt*** is a feeling of responsibility for some wrongdoing against another, rather perceived or imagine. Is this a distinction without a difference? Perhaps. But in the context of this study, it matters. Let me explain why. Investigators asked 1000 people about their personal secrets and rather they felt shame or guilt. As part of the research, scientists asked participants how often they thought about what happened – and kept it hidden – during the prior month. ![man outdoors nature woods](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-nature-outdoors-woods.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Folks who described themselves as feeling shameful gave “yes” responses to descriptors like “I am worthless”. On the flip side, people who identified with guilt responded with “yes” to statements like “I regret something I’ve done.” The participants who identified with feelings of shame were more likely to ruminate over the event versus folks who held feelings of guilt. That’s important because researchers point out that guilt encourages people to act whereas shame creates a sense of hopelessness. Michael L. Slepian, Ph.D., lead author of the study and an Assistant Professor in the Management Division of Columbia University shared the following [statement](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/02/190211095453.htm). “Almost everyone keeps secrets, and they may be harmful to our well-being, our relationships and our health.” “Hiding a secret is largely driven by how often a person is having a conversation related to the secret with the person whom he or she is hiding it from, not how he or she feels about the secret,” Slepian adds. Previous [studies](https://mh.bmj.com/content/43/4/257) suggest holding shame can adversely impact your health. So, is there anything you can do release these feelings and work through? Guy Counseling spoke to licensed psychotherapist [Tommy Fransen](https://goo.gl/uFYaBC) about the concept of shame and mental health to gain his perspective. “Shame has a way of eroding our self-esteem. It can also damage our mental health by acting as a trigger for a number of unpleasant [mood states, such as anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/) and depression,” says Fransen. “One of the best ways of working through is by talking to someone you feel safe with and not holding back. This can be a close friend or clergy member. A counselor is also a great choice. But it’s important to give voice to whatever you feel ashamed about – otherwise, it stays locks inside and builds into a toxic morass.” Fransen also adds that [living in the present](https://guycounseling.com/live-present-moment/) through mindfulness and engaging in self-compassion can also help with the working through process. “Self-forgiveness and self-compassion can go a long way in ameliorating shame. It’s not an instant fix but it does help over the course of time,” he adds. So, the bottom line is that if you feel bad about something you’ve done in the past, don’t keep it to yourself. Open up to someone and share. Finally, recognize that all of us have done things that are hurtful to others, unintentionally and intentionally. **Categories:** Mind, News, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Shame --- ### [Don't Get Comfortable With Someone Disrespecting You](https://guycounseling.com/comfortable-disrespect-933/) **Published:** September 3, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive man reflecting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/attractive-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do you live by this code? Have you ever had someone make snide remarks to you and think that it was OK? Did this same person keep doing it, to the point that it became the norm? Were you frustrated and unsure what to do? If you can relate, welcome to the club. One of the things I hear most from clients relates to this topic. In short, I’m talking about situations where someone either directly or indirectly thinks it is OK to do any of the following: - Make ugly comments about your appearance. - Laugh at you and not with you. - Talk smack about your personal life. - Humiliate you by questioning your intelligence. - Engage in passive-aggressive behaviors to undermine you. - Spread gossip about you or people you love. - Use your sexual orientation against you. Over the years, I have learned there are some people in life who are nothing more than bullies. Because they feel so insecure about their own situations, they go out of their way to make others miserable. Some people, particularly men, think bullying is restricted to childhood. While that certainly does happen \[often\] in our younger years, it also goes on in adulthood. I could go on forever and a day about the psychological reasons as to why someone, such as a co-worker, family member or “friend” engages in bullying. But if I did, this blog post would never end. Here’s the thing – in the final analysis, it really doesn’t matter. That’s because there’s no such thing as a permission slip for being an a-hole. ![don't let someone disrespect you](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/present.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Respect starts with looking in the mirror So, is there anything you can do to stop someone from treating you like a jerk? Indeed, there is and the approach I am suggesting is simpler than you may think. ## **Don’t get comfortable with someone disrespecting you.** Bullies have a way of sniffing out their prey. Like hungry jackals on the hunt, they jump on victims the moment they sense any sign of weakness. **Whenever you allow someone to make fun of you, humiliate you or otherwise intimate and you don’t say anything, you are giving them the green light to keep doing it**. At its core, what I’m talking about is self-respect. In other words, when you have respect for yourself, you’ll never grant someone else the opportunity to dominate you. In the spiritual sense, there is something to be said about the idea of turning the other cheek. In fact, that’s a smart approach for most life situations. After all, there is wisdom in picking and choosing your battles. But there are limits to “[turn the other cheek](http://www.beliefnet.com/news/2000/01/the-limits-of-turn-the-other-cheek.aspx)”. Specifically, I’m talking about anyone who engages in the behaviors described above. So, here is how you stop them dead in their tracks. Be forewarned, it may require that you adopt a whole new mindset. First, look at yourself in the mirror and say: **I respect me**. The more you repeat this mantra – and the more you believe it, the greater your personal power becomes. Yes, this may sound cheesy but I’m just telling you the entire process starts with you. Second, the moment you sense that somebody is mistreating you, be it through word or deed (or both), **say something**. ![dont let someone get comfortabel disrespecting you](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/disrespect-1.jpg?resize=500%2C559&ssl=1) There’s no need to be hostile about it. And there’s absolutely no need to get physical. Instead, from a place of personal empowerment and self-respect, simply look at the person directly in the eye and say: **“Don’t talk to me like that”.** Obviously, there are variations on the above. Much will depend on your unique situation. But at the end of the day, the message you are sending is that you aren’t going to allow that person to walk all over you. And here is the thing. When you respect yourself – as in truly loving yourself – they’ll know immediately you won’t be their next victim. Part of [being a confident man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) means being looking inward and recognizing that you have gifts. Do you know what they are? If not, maybe it’s time to reflect on everything that has happened in your life to shape the man you are today. I’m talking about your victories and losses, your joys and pains. Whatever they are, embrace them. Recognize each has helped to shape who you are. Respect those experiences, for they are your teachers. Once you have done this, you’ll recognize how truly special you are.  And you know what else my friend? You’ll never let someone get comfortable disrespecting you. Peace out. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Disrespect, Mental Health, Self-Love --- ### [Here's the REAL Reason to Think Positive Thoughts](https://guycounseling.com/positive-thoughts-self-compassion/) **Published:** February 11, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![positive couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/positive-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Link drawn between self-compassion and wellness At some point in your life, you’ve probably been encouraged to think positive thoughts and trust that good things will ultimately follow. Sound familiar? Well, it turns out there may be something to the advice you were given. That’s because a recent study published in the journal *Clinical Psychological Science* revealed that engaging in self-compassion can hold important mind and body benefits. In this line of research, 135 Exeter students were divided into five groups. Participants in each group were given a unique set of audio instructions. While listening to the audio files, scientists monitored their sweat response and heart rate. The research team also asked participants how they were feeling. **Related:** [How to build a mental circle of confidence](https://guycounseling.com/circle-confidence-excellence/) The two groups that were given instructions to be kind to themselves (positive thinking) were found to have more relaxed body-states and lower heart rates. They also had lower sweat responses. When combined, the trio of characteristics suggests positive, happier feelings of well-being. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/UI1LUP61p3YYM/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Conversely, the groups that listened to audio messages that encouraged negative thinking had stressed body-states, higher heart rates, and higher sweat responses. Taken together, these traits equate to mental and physical distress – plus unhappiness. You may be wondering what self-compassion means. To get to the answer, Guy Counseling spoke to [Arlene Englander](https://wellnesssource.com/), a licensed mental health therapist in Chicago. She offered the following: “Self-compassion is a $10.00 term used to describe the dynamic where an individual turns love, forgiveness, understanding, and kindness inward,” she said. Englander provided the following example. “Let’s say you recognize you may not have the perfect body. Instead of beating yourself up, you remind yourself that other people have imperfect physiques and that’s OK,” Englander adds. Dr. Hans Kirschner, a study investigator with Exeter, shared the following about the research. “These findings suggest that being kind to oneself switches off the threat response and puts the body in a state of safety and relaxation that is important for regeneration and healing,” Kirschner said. “Previous research has found that self-compassion was related to higher levels of well-being and better mental health, but we didn’t know why,” stated researcher Dr. Anke Karl in a [press release](https://www.exeter.ac.uk/news/featurednews/title_703807_en.html). “Our study is helping us understand the mechanism of how being kind to yourself when things go wrong could be beneficial in psychological treatments. By switching off our threat response, we boost our immune systems and give ourselves the best chance of healing.” **How much self-compassion do you engage in? Do you believe your thoughts have an impact on your body and mind?** **Categories:** Mind, News, Psychology **Tags:** Positive, research, Self-Compassion, zen --- ### [Does Buying a Coffin From Costco Save Money on Funeral Costs?](https://guycounseling.com/costco-coffin-review/) **Published:** January 29, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![costo casket review funeral casket coffin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/costo-casket-review-funeral-casket-coffin.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Costco Coffin Review after death of my aunt Would you buy a funeral coffin from a place like Costco? Does the thought of doing something like this creep you out? I can’t say I blame you. Recently, I purchased one through the retail giant after my aunt died. She had been in hospice care for a long time as a result of lung cancer. Given her frail condition, I knew it was only a matter of time. Sadly, she passed just after the start of the new year. While I recognize this was an unconventional move on my part, my hope was to provide her a meaningful goodbye while also saving money. In the days leading up to her death, my aunt made it clear that she didn’t want a fancy funeral. In fact, she didn’t want a funeral at all. There were two reasons for this. The first was because she lived on a fixed income and had very little money. The second is because she was super humble and not one to put on a show. It just wasn’t her. When I explained to my aunt that having some type of service would be helpful to grieving family members, she acquiesced and agreed to a simple memorial. On the day she died, I was devastated. But I also had a plan. I was going to buy the casket online and have it shipped to the funeral home. And that’s exactly what I did. I purchased the coffin directly from Costco for the price of $949.00 \[this included the standard shipping\]. As part of a two-step ordering process, I had to call a special number and speak to a representative at the Universal Casket Company. That’s who Costco contracts with for the coffins. **More:** [What dreams about death mean?](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) The person was very nice and took down different information, including my aunt’s name and the mortuary the coffin was being shipped to. The name of the casket was *In God’s Care* and made by Universal. The color was a very rich blue, complimented with metal handrails and embossed with crosses. Prior to her passing, I had been pricing coffins online and knew that a comparable product would cost close to $2000.00. Because I wanted to give her something nice while also reducing my financial pain, the decision (at least for me) wasn’t hard to make. I ordered the casket on a Monday morning and it was at the funeral home by late Wednesday afternoon. I can honestly say I did not encounter any problems. The funeral director I worked with was very understanding and even admitted to me privately that most funeral homes make their money off caskets. As a memorial, we had a closed-coffin service at a local church where friends and family members paid their respects. Many attendees who were unaware of where the coffin was purchased remarked on how beautiful it looked. After the service, my aunt was transported to a crematorium. And yes, she was cremated in the casket I purchased for her. With the money I saved, I was able to pay the church a small gratuity fee and tip the minister. I have to say that in the case of my aunt, the Costco purchased coffin did save money. I know there are reviews on the Internet to suggest the savings isn’t worth it. I’ve even read a few where people think doing such a thing (buying online) is cheap and disrespectful. I certainly respect their point of view. If I had to pick one thing I didn’t like, it was the color of the casket. It was a lot bluer than I anticipated. Don’t get me wrong, it was still beautiful. But the pictures from the Costco website didn’t exactly match what arrived at the funeral parlor. So was the price I paid – $949.00 worth it? All I can say is look around and you will quickly see similar 18-gauge steel caskets costing a whole lot more. If you are considering buying a coffin from a place other than a funeral home, be sure to check if your state has any special laws or requirements.  My aunt lived in Illinois and there were no restrictions. Have you purchased a casket for a loved one from Costco? Would you? I’d love to hear your experiences. Thanks for taking the time to read my review. Photo Credit: Deposit Photos — The casket shown as the main picture in this post was not purchased from Costco and is simply a stock photo picture. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Casket, Coffin, Funeral, Review --- ### [Old Spice Exfoliate Body Wash: Worth The Money?](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-exfoliate-charcoal-review/) **Published:** February 9, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![old spice exfoliate man walking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Old Spice Exfoliate Charcoal Body Wash Have you noticed Old Spice has recently rolled out a new body wash for men called [Exfoliate with Charcoal](https://oldspice.com/en/content/body-wash-exfoliate-charcoal-scent)? Wondering if this product is effective? Moreover, is it worth the money? My hope in penning this piece is to answer these questions and a few more. Hopefully, by the end of this post, you’ll have a good idea on what to expect with Exfoliate. So, here is what happened. Recently, I purchased a 16 Fl Oz bottle of this body wash from Amazon. The reason? I was looking for something new to help me manage dry skin. As you probably know, the winters in Chicago can be brutal. Even if you moisturize several times a day, dryness can still be a problem. In the men’s personal care market, [scrubs](https://guycounseling.com/best-exfoliating-face-scrubs-men/) are usually thought of in terms of the face. That makes sense because not much has been written about the importance of exfoliating the entire body. As a way of coping, using a wash that couples as a scrub can go a long way in removing dead skin while locking in moisture. Because I’ve [blogged about Old Spice](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-beard-kit-review-1013/) in the past and like their grooming gear, I figured giving Exfoliate a whirl might be worth it. After using the body wash for two weeks, here are my impressions. Bear in mind I’m not getting a dime from Proctor and Gamble for writing this review. ## What I like: - Pleasant, clean smell - A small amount goes a long way - The inclusion of tiny bits of charcoal that are sourced from the earth. - Easy to apply, particularly with a loofah sponge - Affordable price point at $5.00 (national retail price) - Upright container for easy storage in the bathroom - Can couple as a moisturizing body wash - Leaves skin feeling softer and less rough ## What I didn’t like Honestly, there’s not a heck of a lot that I can say negative. If my back were against the wall and I was forced to pick something, it would simply be to offer this in different scents. While I like the fresh, clean smell of Exfoliate, it would be nice if one could buy it in scents, such as their Wilderness brand. ## Worth the Money? So, moving on to the heart of this blog post. **Is Old Spice’s Exfoliate with Charcoal worth the money?** Ultimately, you will have to decide. All I can tell you is that I’ve been super pleased with this body wash. My skin feels less rough and I can see with my own eyes the flakiness is no longer on my ankles and legs. In my case, I use this gel once in the morning while showering. When I am done, I quickly apply a body lotion to seal in moisture. Speaking only for myself, I’ve found it to be an easy product to [cycle into my daily skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-beard-kit-review-1013/). ## Final Thoughts I recognize there are other reviews online that suggest Exfoliate by Old Spice isn’t all that great. Some web-based reviews even point guys towards other brands with higher price points. I certainly respect the experiences of others. That said, my use of Exfoliate has been a positive experience. In fact, I’d probably buy another bottle when this one runs out. **Have you used Old Spice Exfoliate with Charcoal? If so, what has been your experience? Do you like this body wash?** **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News, Reviews **Tags:** Body Wash, Face Scrubs, Old Spice, Shower --- ### [Here’s Another Reason To Stop Binge Watching T.V.](https://guycounseling.com/binge-watching-tv-cancer-study/) **Published:** February 7, 2019 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![man watching tv](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-watching-tv.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Binge watching T.V may the increase risk for colon cancer Do you spend hours streaming television shows on Netflix or Crackle? Are your weekends spent sitting on the couch watching Hulu? Do entire days go by as you binge on your favorite series? If the answer is yes, you may want to make some changes – fast. That’s because a [new study](https://academic.oup.com/jncics/article/2/4/pky073/5301781) published in the JNCI Cancer Spectrum suggests that spending too much time watching T.V. may put you at increased risk for colorectal cancer (CRC). This is particularly alarming news because the research was focused on young people (between the ages of 25-42) who engaged in sedentary behaviors. Investigators recorded 118 cases of young-onset CRC over a 20-year period. What they discovered was a 12% increase in risk for the disease in folks who spent more than one hour daily watching television. And when the time spent in front of the T.V. was upped from one hour to two, the results changed from disturbing to downright scary. Why? **Because participant CRC risks jumped to nearly 70%.** ![old vintage television](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/old-vintage-television-set.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) The interesting (and alarming) bit of information from this study was that the person’s BMI or family history of CRC did not influence outcomes. While this line of research involved women, health experts have known for some time that regularly binge-watching television shows is terrible for health, regardless of gender. Guy Counseling spoke to Chicago M.D. Dr. Christopher Konstantelos, who specializes in [internal medicine](https://goo.gl/eSyCCU), to gain his impressions on the research. “For all the positive advances in technology and entertainment, there are downsides. Binge watching is one of them because it can contribute to sedentary behaviors and inactivity. This can cause cardiovascular problems and issues with weight gain. The findings on colorectal cancer are troublesome. Daily [physical activity](https://guycounseling.com/15-minutes-exercise-health-130/) is vital to maintaining good health” Yin Cao, one of the study’s authors, shared in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2019-02/oupu-nss020419.php) the following: “This study may help identify those at high risk and who might benefit more from early screening,” said Cao. “The fact that these results were independent of BMI and physical activity suggests that being sedentary may be an altogether distinct risk factor for young-onset colorectal cancer.” **Given the results of the study, will you be revisiting how often you binge on T.V. shows?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Binge Television, Cancer, health, Sedentary, Television --- ### [Which 2019 Truck Is Better: Ford F-150 or Dodge RAM 1500?](https://guycounseling.com/ford-f-150-dodge-ram-1500-review/) **Published:** February 4, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![pick-up truck review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/pickup-truck-review.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Pick-up truck review of two amazing vehicles Ready for a new pick-up truck? Well, the Ford F Series is the best-selling vehicle in America, beating out all other trucks, crossovers and sedans. In fact, Ford sold more than 1.075 million F-Series trucks in 2018. For 42 years, the Ford F-150 has maintained unprecedented dominance, but there are always new upstarts eager to snatch the throne. Enter the 2019 Dodge RAM 1500. ### Battle of the Full-sized Trucks In a company press release, Jim Farley, Ford executive vice president and president, Global Markets, noted that “it’s our F-Series juggernaut that leads the world in sales, capability and smart technology, setting the bar others follow.” The problem for Ford is that those ‘others’ aren’t content to play second fiddle. So, don’t get too comfortable Mr. Farley because the 2019 Dodge RAM was just named the 2019 Pickup Truck of the Year by [Cars.com](http://www.cars.com) and Motortrend. The 2019 Dodge RAM 1500 was redesigned this year for a run at the top spot. It’s got an all-new hybrid powertrain, a split-screen display monitor in the center console, and the frame’s been slimmed down by 225 pounds. The RAM 1500 has a slew of advanced safety features on deck that display the innovative approach that Dodge automakers have taken with their new full-sized pickup. The Ford F-150 returns with only a few updates for 2019. The price tag has steadily gone up, but most of the best features aren’t available on the base model truck. Ford is clearly gearing the entry truck toward fleet buyers and the Limited and King Ranch editions toward truck enthusiasts who want the refined features of a premium vehicle. There are so many variations and powertrains available. That’s one of the main strengths of the Ford F-150 pickup. It’s got something for everybody. If you’re in the market for a full-sized truck, then check out this comprehensive breakdown of all the features in this powerhouse matchup between the 2019 Ford F-150 and the 2019 Dodge RAM 1500. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BtUWk3gAntP/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ### Ford F-150 and Dodge RAM 1500 Exterior Style Well, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. That seems to be the motto behind the 2019 Ford F-150’s exterior design. It’s unapologetically boxy and that’s perfectly fine. There are only small, subtle differences in style across the trim levels. The basic truck look belongs to the XL and XLT models. The bright chrome accents signify the Platinum, King Ranch and Limited trims. The Lariat trucks have a stamped F-150 tailgate. The Ford F-150 Raptor is the standout of the group. It has a black grille with FORD spelled out across the front and a matching FORD emblem tailgate. It also has beefy off-road tires, front skid plate and exterior graphics on the hood and side paneling. The 2019 Dodge RAM 1500 makes a more concerted effort to standout from the crowd. Every trim level has its own stylistic identity. The Tradesman goes for a subdued look with unpainted bumpers and budget steel wheels. The higher model trims pour on the chrome in incremental doses. There’s better aerodynamics at play with the 2019 RAM 1500. It has sculpted profile lines, integrated rear exhaust pipes, and an aggressive front grille. Wheel choices range through 16 different designs and peak with the available 22-inch polished aluminum five-stars. As a counter for the Ford Raptor, Dodge offers an off-road package that upgrades the RAM 1500 with 18-inch off-road-ready wheels and side skirt running boards. For looks, the MOPAR Off-road package is best matched with the handlebar-moustache grille of the Rebel model trim. ### **Pick-up Truck Performance Capabilities** The 2019 Ford F-150 has 6 powertrain options. Choosing between them can be a daunting task. Most dealers will push you toward the 2.7 Liter, EcoBoost V6 because it has 325 horsepower and 400 lb-ft of torque. It’s mated to a 10-speed automatic transmission. With this set-up you can tow 8,500 pounds or haul 2,500 pounds in the truck bed. There’s a 5.0 Liter V8 engine, but you can skip it. For best-in-class towing and high torque, opt for the turbo-charged, 3.5 Liter EcoBoost V6 instead. This engine pumps out 450 hp and 510 lb-ft of torque when placed in the Raptor or the Limited trim. It can tow 12,000 lbs. For best fuel economy, the 2.7 Liter V6 gets 20 mpg in the city, 26 on the highway, and 22 combined. The 2019 Dodge RAM 1500 narrows your powertrain choices down to just three. There’s a 5.7 Liter HEMI V8 that produces 395 horsepower and 410 lb-ft of torque. It can tow 11,610 lbs. Then, there’s the Dodge engines with etorque. It’s a semi-hybrid system that replaces the alternator with a battery-powered, belt-driven motor. It improves nearly every aspect of the truck’s performance, but it’s gonna cost you an extra grand to equip it. The Pentastar V6 with etorque gets 20 mpg in the city and 25 on the highway but suffers on towing and torque. The best bet is the available 5.7 Liter HEMI V8 with etorque. You get best-in-class V8 towing – a whopping 12,750 lbs. It’s got sufficient power, as well. The V8 with etorque produces 395 horsepower and 410 lb-ft of torque. All powertrains are managed through an 8-speed automatic transmission. For a more thrilling drive experience, there’s no substitute for the 2019 F-150 Raptor. It’s got monotube racing shocks, a high-performance suspension system and a torque-on-demand transfer case. For novices, there’s trail control. It’s an automated system that handles the off-road acceleration and braking while you get to enjoy the steering. The Dodge RAM 1500 doesn’t have a dedicated off-road model, but it has the RAM 1500 Rebel and it’s off-road, 4×4 package. The Rebel comes with tow hooks, a taller coil suspension system, and an electronically-locking rear differential. Aside from those capabilities, the RAM Rebel is mostly for looks. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BteFHUcFrj2/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ### 2019 Ford F-150 and Dodge RAM 1500 Onboard Technology Nobody expects a load of high-tech equipment on a pick-up, but that’s what you’ll get with either of these full-sized trucks. It’s not enough that they can haul and tow like never before. Now, they also have bigger touchscreens, better internet interfaces, and more ways to make your job a bit easier. Take the 2019 Ford F-150 for instance. It has the FordPass Connect system. It can accommodate up to 10 devices with its 4G Wi-Fi hotspot. You can even access the Wi-Fi from 50 ft. away. The FordPass app also lets you remotely unlock your doors and start the engine. You can even use it to schedule maintenance and find the nearest fueling station. The F-150 has Amazon Alexa and you can use the Ford SYNC 3 system to communicate with other drivers, get real time traffic alerts, and up-to-the-minute navigation. The 2019 Dodge RAM has a vertically-mounted touchscreen display that ranges from 5-inches up to 12 inches. As mentioned earlier, you can split the display so you can handle navigation and audio controls simultaneously. You can pinch and zoom. Just like a handheld tablet. It’s Android Auto and Apple CarPlay compatible, too. If music gets you going, then you’d be happy to hear that the RAM 1500 has a 900 watt, 19-speaker Harman Kardon sound system in its option group. There are two USB charging ports, one remote USB charging station, and a wireless charging pad. ### **Pick-up Truck Safety Systems** The 2019 Ford F-150 is as good as it gets in the safety department. The F-150 has exceptional crash safety scores from government testing. It’s built with a military-grade aluminum alloy. When it comes to driver-assisted technology, for starters you’ve got a back-up assisting automated system for trailering and blind spot coverage. Other advanced safety systems include adaptive cruise control, automatic emergency braking, and a lane-keeping system. There’s one caveat – these safety features are spread out over the various model trims of the F-150. The base model comes with rearview camera and an anti-theft alarm. That’s about it. You’ve got to jump up to the Lariat level or higher to get the goods. Let’s shift gears to the 2019 Dodge RAM 1500. It’s about the same as the F-150 in terms of baseline safety equipment and crash scores. Yet, the body frame is mostly high-grade steel. The camera gets a bit better than the F-150 because it has a larger screen with zooming function and an available 360-degree view on higher trims. You can get all the advanced safety equipment like lane-keeping, blind spot monitoring and adaptive cruise control with those pricier models. To edge out the competition, the RAM 1500 has the largest brakes in its class and a parking-assist system. ### Full-sized Truck Interior Layout and Features The 2019 Ford F-150 comes in three choices of cab style. There’s the barebones regular cab that you’ll find on most work trucks in the XL and XLT variant. There’s nothing fancy here – two doors, two bucket seats in the front, a center console, manual windows and a bit of extra storage space behind the seats. Then, there’s the Super Cab. It’s got rear doors with hidden handles that open almost a full 180-degrees. It has fold-down seats inside for three of your least favorite crewmates. Then, there’s the Super Crew cab which can be outfitted on all seven F-150 models. It features four, full-sized doors and an interior space that rivals any mid-sized sedan. The 2019 Dodge RAM doesn’t have a regular cab configuration, not yet anyways. There’s a quad cab with a shortened rear door. The quad cab gets its own door handles that can open without having to also open the front doors. Yet, this is basically a two-seater. **Related:** [Check out the Mercedes Benz C-Class SUV?](https://guycounseling.com/mercedes-benz-g-class-suv-review/) The rear bench has abysmal leg and knee room. The crew cab is a much better choice if you’ll have passengers on a regular basis. With 45.1 inches of rear legroom, the 2019 RAM 1500 is best-in-class. It has a full-sized rear bench with a fold-down center arm rest and plenty of floor space. The crew cab also has multiple cup holders and storage spaces. The 2019 Dodge RAM 1500’s interior is refined to the point of sublimity. The rear bench has extra storage under the seat and bins in the floor. Up front, there’s a class-exclusive center console that can be reconfigured in different ways. You can store a full-sized laptop in there, hanging file folders, and wirelessly charge mobile devices. In total, there’s 151.1 Liters of interior storage capacity. That’s nearly twice as much as the comparably-equipped Ford F-150. The Limited-Edition RAM truck has more leather seating than the Ford and enough real wood paneling to rival a European premium sedan. For an added slam dunk, The RAM 1500 can be outfitted with a dual-pane panoramic sunroof overhead. Now, back to the Ford F-150. Its center console does almost everything that the RAM pick-up can, just without all the Optimus Prime-esque modulating and transforming of paneling. Basic regular cab work trucks are sparse on the adornments, but the King Ranch and Limited-Edition models pour on the leather and wood. You can also get that double-paned sunroof. The F-150 Lariat Special Edition appearance package has attractive leather with red contrast stitching and oil-rubbed bronze accents. It’s a mixed bag with the F-150. Some model trims are designed for durability and longevity. Other model trims seem to be aimed at replacing the family SUV. ### Who Wins the Big Haul? Well, the 2019 Ford F-150 can range in price from an MSRP of $28,155 to $67,135. The 2019 Dodge RAM 1500 costs anywhere from $34,595 to $53,295. The F-150 has a lower entry point, but when you start adding the options and features, the RAM 1500 will take you a bit further. **Related:** [5 muscle cars reviewed](https://guycounseling.com/2018-muscle-cars-825/) The Ford F-150 has options galore. There’s a powertrain for every possible application and it performs like a champ. The Dodge RAM is sticking with high strength steel and V8 engines but manages to haul and tow better than any other full-sized truck on the market. Both get fairly average fuel economy but provide a good ride quality to make up for it. When you bring the Ford Raptor into the picture, the Dodge RAM just doesn’t have an off-road answer for that truck’s features and capabilities. The F-150’s style is like a pair of old blue jeans. It’s comfortable and unassuming, but the RAM takes more chances with a newly-redesigned aerodynamic body. The interior of both these pick-up trucks have similar layouts and features, but the RAM 1500 wins out with more interior space, clever storage options, and a huge touchscreen display. Safety features don’t come cheap on a big truck. Fleet vehicles are left with barely anything except airbags and a rearview camera. When you get to the costlier model trims, you’ll get a grab bag of advanced safety features like blind spot warnings, adaptive cruise control and electronic stability. In the end, it’s hard to dethrone a king. The 2019 Ford F-150 has so many options and abilities. It might be getting a bit costlier, but it’s never lost any value. To my mind, the Ford F-150 wins.  Do you own one of these vehicles? If so, what has been your experience? Please share in the comments section. **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** Automotive, cars, Vehicle --- ### [5 Superfoods That Benefit a Man's Body and Mind](https://guycounseling.com/5-superfoods-men-2442/) **Published:** February 4, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![superfoods athletic man eating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/man-eating-food.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Does your diet include these superfoods? If you’ve got friends on social media who are into healthy living, then you’ve probably seem a picture of leafy vegetables with the quote – “Let thy food be thy medicine, and thy medicine be thy food.” It’s a saying that’s commonly attributed to Hippocrates, but there’s no evidence that the father of Western medicine actually said it. Food is food and medicine is medicine. Yet, there’s a nexus where nutrition and pharmacology can co-exist to increase your longevity, prevent certain ailments, and even cure certain diseases. The foods you eat contain essential elements, minerals and chemical compounds that have both short and long-term effects on our bodies. There are foods that increase blood flow, foods that reduce cholesterol, even foods that give you a dopamine rush. That’s simply remarkable when you think about it. Food might not be medicine, but it can be thought of as a tool to promote health and fitness. I love tools; don’t you? ## Foods Specifically for Men As men, we’re predisposed to battle certain physical ailments in our lifetime. For example, men are more susceptible to prostate and bladder cancer. Although there are no magic bullets in the pantry that can fight our battles for us, there are foods that can support our well-being as men. So, here’s a list of super foods that you should be eating and why. ## ![number five film](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=474%2C300&ssl=1)1. Brazil Nuts The size of your prostate grows throughout your adult life and if you notice that you have trouble fully emptying your bladder or you’re experience frequent urination, then you might be exhibiting symptoms of an enlarged prostate. Your doctor might advise you to wait and watch, take prescription medication or simply eat foods rich in selenium and zinc. Both are essential minerals that reduce oxidative stress in your cells and are known to decrease the risk of prostate cancer. Although, it’s important to note that a [study](https://academic.oup.com/jnci/article/106/3/djt456/977656) conducted in 2014 found that you should not take selenium or zinc supplements or pills to improve prostate health, but obtain it naturally through your food. That’s where Brazil nuts come into the picture. Amazonian natives have been eating these large nuts for years to reap their nutritional benefits. **Related:** [15 signs of low testosterone](https://guycounseling.com/low-testosterone-symptoms-men/) They have an acute triangular shape with sloping sides that are encased in a thin, dark brown sheath. Just a single ounce of Brazil nuts contains more than 7 times your daily value of selenium and a third of your daily value of zinc. An ounce also contains close to 100% of your daily value of magnesium (which boosts testosterone) and %100 of your daily value of phosphorous (which helps filter waste from your kidneys). ## 2. Guava Prostate cancer is the second leading cancer among men. One in 9 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime and the American Cancer Society reports that there have already been 174,000 cases of prostate cancer in 2019. There are several ways to treat and prevent prostate cancer. One of the best ways is to eat foods rich in antioxidants. Specifically, lycopene is the most powerful antioxidant in our food, and [emerging studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16221054) show that lycopene can be instrumental in preventing prostate cancer. Lycopene is a carotenoid that gives food a reddish color. Think grapefruits and tomatoes. The food with the highest lycopene levels is guava. It has twice the lycopene of tomatoes, more potassium than a banana, and four times the vitamin C as an orange. Guavas are grown in humid, subtropical locations like Central and South America. It has a pink, seedy flesh with a sweet flavor all its own. You can eat the flesh, juice it, or combine it with other healthy ingredients for a lycopene-packed smoothie. ## 3. Broccoli Bladder cancer affects more men than women and it’s especially pernicious. It reoccurs at a high rate. That’s why it’s important to eat foods that inhibit the growth of cancer cells and promote healthy urinary function. Broccoli is high on that list of foods. It’s a cruciferous vegetable in the same family as cauliflower. You might already know that broccoli is loaded with vitamin C, fiber, and potassium. Yet, have you ever heard of glucosinolates. Big word. Big power. Simply put, it’s a biological compound found in broccoli and other similar vegetables. When you chew broccoli, those glucosinolates break down into isothiocyanates that have been shown in [studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3863390/) to halt the growth of bladder cancer cells. Your parents have been telling you to eat broccoli since you were a baby. Those stalky, little trees can be eaten raw or cooked, but steaming broccoli is the best way to preserve the antioxidant compounds. Additional benefits of eating broccoli include high levels of beta-carotene, iron, B vitamins, and selenium. ## ![man flexing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/man-flexing.jpg?resize=624%2C370&ssl=1) ## 4. Acai There are numerous benefits to eating acai. The berries are loaded with antioxidants, amino acids and acai berries don’t have that that much sugar in them either. Acai is a super fruit that is only grown in the Amazon rainforest. It’s a palm berry that has a dark purple outer casing and yellow flesh inside. **Related:** [10 amazing bodybuilding books ](https://guycounseling.com/10-best-bodybuilding-books/) Acai is often presented as a frozen puree paste or as a dried powder because it doesn’t last long once it’s been processed for consumption. It has a blueberry, chocolatey taste that pairs well with bananas and nuts. It boosts energy levels in the body and mind, making it a great pre-workout snack. So, think about making an acai smoothie before you pick up an energy drink. Acai is even thought to kill cancer cells in the body, but scientific studies have been inconclusive. What’s more concrete are the [benefits of anthocyanin](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5613902/), an amino-acid which is abundantly found in acai berries. Anthocyanin has been shown to lower oxidative stress and inflammation in brain cells. As blood flow improves and synaptic response is stimulated, your memory is improved, your cognitive functions become enhanced and you can effectively lower your risk for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. ## 5. Dark Chocolate It might come as a surprise to find chocolate on a list of foods men should eat, but it’s true. Chocolate is good for you, especially dark chocolate. It has special benefits for your sexual health and [performance](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-performance-anxiety/). Dark chocolate has a high magnesium content. Just 3 and a half ounces can net you more than 200 mg of magnesium. It boosts testosterone. A recent study in *[Biological Trace Element Research](https://link.springer.com/journal/12011)*, reported that men who increased their magnesium intake daily for four weeks experienced a rise in both free and total testosterone levels. Dark chocolate also contains cocoa flavanols. These compounds increase blood flow and circulation. Problems with blood flow and circulation are common side effects of smoking, drinking too much alcohol and skipping gym days. It leads to erectile dysfunction. So, if you’re feeling lucky, pop a couple of squares of dark chocolate before the big date. The key thing to remember with chocolate is portion control. It’s got about 170 calories per ounce, so go for a dark chocolate that has high levels of cocoa broken into squares. That way, you get the best benefits in a manageable portion. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, Nutrition **Tags:** Body, Mind, muscle, Performance, Strength, Superfoods --- ### [Here’s Why Listening To Music Boosts a Happiness Brain Chemical](https://guycounseling.com/music-dopamine-happiness-204/) **Published:** February 4, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![happiness music headphone](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/music-headphones.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Link made between pleasure chemical and music** Have you ever been in a funk and reached for music? When you popped in your earbuds and listened to your favorite tunes, did the experience of joy quickly follow? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Lots of people find that music offers powerful mood-lifting benefits. Speaking only for myself, I know that when I’m feeling down, streaming *The Eagles* or *ELO* with my [Air Pods](https://guycounseling.com/apple-air-pods-review-119/) is restorative. Now, thanks to a recent [study](https://www.pnas.org/content/early/2019/01/14/1811878116) appearing in the *Proceedings of The National Academy of Sciences*, we have a better understanding about the relationship between mood, music, and the release of a happiness related brain chemical called dopamine. FYI: dopamine is a neurotransmitter that ferries information between areas of the brain and ups feelings of pleasure. Here’s a quick cook’s tour of the study. Investigators altered the dopamine transmission of 27 study volunteers as they listened to music. Over the course of three separate sessions – which were at least one week apart – the researchers gave each person a dopamine precursor. One was levodopa, an amino acid that amps up dopaminergic availability. Another was risperidone, a substance that reduces dopamine signaling to the brain. The final pill was lactose, which was used for control purposes. So, you may be wondering what investigators discovered? Long story short, they found that risperidone interfered with the volunteer’s ability to feel musical pleasure. Conversely, they also found that the folks who took levodopa reported enhanced feelings of happiness while piped into music. ![music and dopamine](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/muscualr-man-outdoors-music.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Music lover? Laura Ferreri, an associate professor at Lyon University and one of the study’ authors, shared the following with [PsyPost](https://goo.gl/R1irrR): “This study shows for the first time a causal role of dopamine in musical pleasure and motivation: enjoying a piece of music, deriving pleasure from it, wanting to listen to it again, being willing to spend money for it, strongly depend on the dopamine released in our synapses.” On some level, the results make sense. Risperidone is often used as a medicinal treatment for people living with bipolar disorder. But the levodopa results are somewhat surprising, given that this substance is often associated with the treatment of Parkinson’s disease. Ferreri makes sure to point out that the goal of this study wasn’t designed to find a magic pill to boost happiness while listening to music. “We were interested in finding the neurochemical mechanisms underpinning the music-evoked pleasure, and we used a pharmacological approach to address this question,” she said. But here’s the real takeaway from the research, according to Ferreri. “Listening to the music you love will make your brain release more dopamine, a crucial neurotransmitter for humans’ emotional and cognitive functioning,” remarked Ferreri. **Related:** [Can a cold swim ease depression?](https://guycounseling.com/cold-water-swimming-depression/) Well, there you have it, folks. If you want to pull yourself out of the dumps, a bit of music therapy might be a natural and effective way to kick-start dopamine, thereby increasing happiness. Kind of cool, don’t you think? **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** Dopamine, happiness, research --- ### [Is This The Reason You Cheated?](https://guycounseling.com/cheating-psychology-021/) **Published:** February 1, 2019 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![cheating couple that cheated](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/dreams-ex-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New study sheds light on the psychology of cheating If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know how devastating it can be. Not only does it ruin any trust between you and your mate, it can also wreck [your self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). Many who learn that another person has cheated jump to conclusions, assuming the individual is lower than dirt and unworthy of forgiveness. If this describes your reaction, it’s probably because you know how hurtful it is to be cheated on. It’s like a sword through the heart, isn’t it? But a [recent study](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-018-1321-5) published in the *Archives of Sexual Behavior* may help to put context around this topic in ways you may not have considered. And here is the thing – it’s complicated. ## The Cheating Study Investigators took a hard look at the entire topic of infidelity and discovered that a person is most likely to step out when they’ve been hurt (in some way) by their current partner. As part of this research, scientists explored [cheating behaviors](https://guycounseling.com/cheated-girlfriend-confession/) against the backdrop of relationship unhappiness. One aspect of the study involved 310 participants; all of whom indicated they were romantically attached to another. Investigators probed each person to find out how much a partner had disappointed or hurt them, their sexual attraction/desire towards their mate, and how much (recent) interest they had in others. Flirting behaviors were also assessed. ## ![cheating couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/crush-black-man-white-woman-stare-looking-friends.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Cheating Results The results showed that folks who experienced more hurt from a partner were more likely to show interest in someone else. Yep, we’re talking the physical and sexual type. In another part of the study, investigators asked 130 participants to describe specific, hurtful things a mate had done to them while the non-test group (control) was asked to talk about the machinations of everyday life. Then, both groups were shown photographs of attractive people and asked to pick someone they thought might make for a potential partner. The results showed that folks who had been recently hurt were more interested in the idea of a new mate when compared to the group that talked about daily life. As an aside, this study also revealed that participants who were reflecting on their recent relationship hurts were more likely to engage in flirting with an attractive interviewer. Obviously, none of the outcomes from this research should serve as a permission slip to cheat. But the findings do help us to understand that infidelity can be complicated. Guy Counseling spoke to Heather Holly, a licensed [couple’s therapist](https://www.couplescounselingchicago.net) in Chicago who works with clients around monogamy problems. “Cheating is always a decision and never happens on accident. But it’s also not as cut and dry as some might think,” says Holly. “This study helps to deepen our understanding behind the reasons for infidelity and shows there’s always two sides to the story,” says Holly. Obviously, if you’ve had [someone cheat on you](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/), already know the path to healing can be long and hard. But the next time you hear about infidelity, this study may help put things in perspective. **Have you ever cheated on a mate? If so, why did you do it? Were you living with deep relationship pain?** **Categories:** News, Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** Cheating, Infidelity, Study --- ### [Complimenting Your Partner's Body Leads to Better Sex](https://guycounseling.com/complimenting-partner-intimacy/) **Published:** January 31, 2019 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![couple in love complimenting mate](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/intimate-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Compliments during intimacy can lead to better sex Are you hoping to heat things up in the bedroom? Have things become a bit dull? Searching for an effective way to encourage positive change? If so, listen up guys because what I’m about to tell you could offer the answers you are looking for. Moreover, it won’t cost you a dime and isn’t corny. Are you ready? According to a new [study](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2018.1518882?journalCode=usmt20) appearing in the *Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy*, complimenting your partner’s can lead to more fulfilling, intense intercourse. Investigators studied 244 women between the ages of 18-30 years of age. All were in committed relationships for a minimum of three months and sexually active with their partner within the last thirty days. As part of this research, investigators asked the women questions related to their body appreciation using a rating system. Examples included: *“I feel good about my body”*  and *“I like my body”*. Additionally, participants were asked to step into their partner’s shoes and rate how their mate might respond to the same types of questions. Example: *“My partner finds my body attractive”*. **Related:** [Are you ashamed of your equipment?](https://guycounseling.com/ashamed-size-equipment/) Now here is the interesting part. The scientists inquired about their sexual experiences over a one month period. Specifically, they wanted to know how often the women they felt like getting it on, their arousal levels, orgasmic frequency, and satisfaction. Overall relationship satisfaction was gauged as well. According to the study’s findings, women who felt their partner desired their body, the better their sexual experience. Additionally, higher levels of body level appreciation (directed by a mate) led to **greater arousal and more frequent intimacy**. When you think about it, the psychology behind the results isn’t too difficult to understand. If you believe your mate finds you to be attractive, there’s a good chance you will also find yourself to be attractive. Which leads us to the central theme of this post. **By taking the time to genuinely compliment your partner’s body**, you help to build greater intimacy while strengthening your relational bond. Guy Counseling spoke to couples therapist [Arlene Englander](https://goo.gl/hWbvdX) about the study’s findings to get her impressions. “Compliments can go a long way in creating a more meaningful relationship and not just during sex. But in order for them to be effective, they need to be sincere and not forced,” says Englander. “Men shouldn’t feel squeamish about this. It doesn’t take much to say something positive about a partner’s physique. And it goes without saying that it’s a two-way street. Women also may benefit from offering the occasional body compliment to their mate,” she adds. Well guys, there you go. By tuning into your significant other’s body and genuinely complimenting her, there’s a good chance your relationship will benefit in multiple ways, including intimacy. **Categories:** News, Relationships **Tags:** Body Image, happiness, intimacy, Love --- ### [Would You Pay $23,000 for a TAG Heuer Black Phantom Carrera?](https://guycounseling.com/tag-heuer-black-phantom-carrera/) **Published:** January 30, 2019 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![tag h](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/tag-h-2.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New watch is unique in design Occasionally, we like to write about men’s watches because we know some of our readers dig reading about [style and fashion](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-grooming/mens-style/). That’s why when we heard about a new watch by Tag Heuer, we had to check it out. Billed as one of the company’s “most affordable” tourbillon chronograph on the market, the [Tag Heuer](https://www.tagheuer.com/en/news/tag-heuer-carrera-heuer-02t) Carrera Heuer-02T will only set you back between $15,000-$23,000 (depending on type). You may be wondering what makes this particular watch so special? Well, here is a quick rundown that highlights this timepiece’s unique features. - 45 mm case, made from a combo of grade-5 titanium, stainless steel, and good old fashioned rubber. - Semi-skeletonized dials that highlight the minute and hour counters at 3 and 9 o’clock. - A flying tourbillon at 6 o’clock - Has an advanced CH-80 Chronograph, beating at 28,000 vph Apparently, there will be two variations of this Carrera. One is a non-limited model with a price point of $15,900.00. The other is the “Black Phantom” (just 250 editions) at a cost of $23,100. The watch is water resistant at 100 meters/328 feet, if that makes any difference to you. Now I am the first to admit that the watch (both versions of it) carries a hefty price tag. That said, in looking at this Swiss made timepiece, it’s hard not to admire its physical appearance. The hexagonal nanoscopic structure just kind of grabs you. Apart from this, Tag Heuer watches do make a fashion statement. I’m not sure I would wear it to the gym or casual events because scratching this bad boy might cost a pretty penny in repairs. But would I consider wearing something like this for a job interview or some type of semi-formal event, like a [memorial or funeral](https://guycounseling.com/men-wear-funeral-memorial-142/)? Sure, why not. **So, what do you think? Would you spend nearly $16,000 for the watch? How about $23,000 for the Black Phantom? Do you own a Tag Heuer? If so, how do you like your timepiece?** **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Tag Heuer, Watch, Watches --- ### [Is Your Girlfriend Faking It In Bed?](https://guycounseling.com/faking-intimacy-bedroom/) **Published:** January 29, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![young attractive couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/young-attractive-couple-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Link drawn between attachment styles and faking orgasms. If you are like most guys, you probably enjoy intimacy most when you know your partner is being pleased. But what if I told you that your girlfriend is putting on a show? Moreover, what if the culmination of your efforts was nothing more than an illusion? Well, I hate to break it to you but it’s possible that’s exactly what’s going on, according to a newly released study appearing in *[The Journal of Sex Research](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2018.1525333?journalCode=hjsr20)*. To make a long story short, a woman’s attachment style, which speaks to how avoidant or anxious she is in close relationships, is linked to her likelihood of faking an orgasm. Investigators surveyed 348 women and discovered that those who reported faking it were more likely to have so called avoidant attachment styles, agreeing with statements like, “I am nervous when partners get too close to me” while not agreeing with statements such as, “It helps to turn to my romantic partner in times of need.” The idea of faking it is not new. There is some [research](https://www.esquire.com/uk/life/news/a14039/women-orgasm-study-relationship/) to suggest that over 30% of women have done so in the context of long term relationships. And it is not just women. It turns out that men do it too. Apparently, [one in four guys](https://goo.gl/F3Aoa8) have reported doing it at some point, according to Tonic. ![faking it](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/african-american-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) “Individuals with secure attachment maintain a healthy interdependence of sexuality and attachment,” the authors of the study explained. “In contrast, the relationship between attachment and sexuality is disrupted in individuals with insecure attachment orientations.” Curious about this phenomenon, Guy Counseling spoke to Chicago based couples therapist [Jen Lawal](https://goo.gl/tTgSzu) to gain her impressions. “The study is interesting because it pulls back the curtain on why some people fake it in the bedroom. I’d like to see more research on this front because I do think it’s more complicated than what appears in the research,” says Lawal. “And it is fair to say that men struggle with some of the same issues when it comes to attachment. To what degree and intensity, however, is something that needs to be explored more,” she adds. So, there you have it folks. It’s possible your mate may be faking it [during intimacy](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-hookups-study-1203/). The question is, can you tell? **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** Attachment Styles, intimacy, research --- ### [PHYT New York City Puerto Rico Gym Review](https://guycounseling.com/phyt-puerto-rico-gym-review/) **Published:** January 28, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![phyt gym san juan puerto rico review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/PHYT-GYM-san-juan-review.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of PHYT Gym in Puerto Rico Are you traveling to San Juan, Puerto Rico? Looking at local gyms to get your workout on? Have you heard about PHYT Gym and wondering if it is worth the money? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Recently, I vacationed in San Juan, PR to escape the ridiculously cold temperatures in Chicago. Assuming you are like most fitness enthusiasts, you probably include visits to the gym as part of your vacation. I know this is true for me, particularly if I’m staying someplace for over a week. In my case, I vacationed in Puerto Rico for nearly two weeks and wanted a facility that I could go to frequently during my stay. While the Air B&B I rented had some cardio equipment, it wasn’t exactly a gym. With all of that said, here is my review of [“PHYT” in San Juan](https://www.facebook.com/pages/Phyt-PR-Phyt-NYC/136941437074054). Before continuing, I want to state clearly that I am not getting paid one dime from the owner of this club for writing this and if truth be told, he doesn’t even know that I penned a post \[although I will share\]. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bsi5NXEBct9/ ## Gym Membership Fee Right off the bat, I’ll tell you that I purchased a one-month membership. Yes, I only stayed two-weeks so you may be wondering why? It’s simple – it cost less. The daily pass is $15.00. The only other option for visitors is a one-month pass. Over the 14 day period that I was in San Juan, I went to PHYT 5 times a week. When you do the math, you can see $15.00 a day at 10x is $110.00. But if you buy a 30-day pass, you only have to pay $60.00, which comes out to $6.00 a day. So, the bottom line is I paid sixty bucks for a one-month membership and can say in all honesty that I found it to be worth the money. ## What I Liked PHYT Gym is in the same space as the previous facility that used to occupy it, International Fitness. Upon entering, I was immediately greeted by the owner, Jonas Serrano. He was very nice and took his time explaining membership fees and why the 30-day pass made sense. Jonas also gave me a brief tour, which I found helpful. Hey, it’s not often that you see this kind of direct customer service, particularly from the person who owns it, you know? **Here is what I was impressed with:** - Decent selection of cardio equipment, like treadmills and StairMaster-type machines. - An amazing front section of the gym that can be used for stretching, abs, rope-jumping, and boxing. - A good-sized free-weight area with adequate benches. - Several great Hammer-Strength machines for chest and back. - Great machine section for lower body exercises, such as legs and calves. - Several cable machines - Decent size floor-space where you don’t feel cramped or on top of others while lifting. - Lockers to store your valuables. ## Room for Improvement? Honestly, I am REALLY stretching here to find something negative to say. The truth is, I’d be making it up if I did. About the only thing I can think of is the need for an arm machine; something I did not see at this facility. That said, there are plenty of workarounds available, such as the previously mentioned cable machines. ## Is PHYT New York City in PR Worth the Money? All I can tell you is that I’ve worked out here before when it was International Fitness. The changes and upgrades made by the owner are massive and a sharp improvement over the previous facility. **Related:** [Is Clearwater Beach Fitness a good gym?](https://guycounseling.com/clearwater-beach-fitness-review/) So, it is worth the money? I’ll let you decide but I am giving PHYT San Juan five-stars. While I worked out here, I’ve got to say that I found each visit to be pleasant. There’s just something nice about being able to go to a clean, well-organized gym where you can tell that the people who run it care. Well, there you have it. My review of PHYT in Puerto Rico. They are located at 1131 Ashford Avenue in San Juan (Condado area), kitty-corner from Walgreen’s. **Have you worked out at PHYT San Juan? If so, what were your impressions?** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Exercise, gym, Review --- ### [Is Clearwater Beach Fitness Worth the Money for Vacationers?](https://guycounseling.com/clearwater-beach-fitness-review/) **Published:** February 4, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![muscular weight lifting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-gym-curls-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Review of Clearwater Beach Fitness** Are you traveling to Clearwater Beach, Florida? Hoping to find a gym during your vacation? Thinking about Clearwater Beach Fitness? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Recently, I vacationed in Clearwater, Florida to get away from the frigid temperatures in Chicago. If you are like most gym enthusiasts, you probably include exercise as part of your get-a-way plans. I know that’s true for me. That’s why I decided to buy a membership at Clearwater Beach Fitness during my stay on Florida’s Gulf Coast. What follows is a review of this gym, based on my personal experience. Before continuing, I want to say straight out that I am not being paid anything from the owner to write this review. In fact, he doesn’t even know I am penning this piece. ## Gym membership fee for a week Right off the bat, I’ll share with you that I paid $30.00 for a 7-day pass to this gym. Additionally, I paid $10.00 for an electronic door key, which gave me access to the facility anytime I wanted to use it – 24 hours a day/7 day a week. ## What I liked There were many things I liked about this gym. To begin with, the owner is Luke Williams. He’s a WWE Hall of Famer who takes a hand-on approach to running his business. That’s important to know because he’s set up the gym in a way that you can tell is focused on bodybuilders. I was impressed with the amazing mix of free-weights and machines – plus hybrid pieces known as Hammer Strength. Each time I visited the gym, it was spotless. And it helped a lot that the owner could be seen cleaning equipment and making sure the place looked tidy. And not just the gym-floor but the locker room, too. I also liked that the facility had a decent amount of cardio equipment. Here, I’m talking about treadmills, elliptical machines, and bikes. There is also a good-sized area at the front of the gym for stretching and ab-work. What’s cook is that you can stretch while taking in beautiful views of Mandalay Avenue. In case you don’t know, “Mandalay” is considered Clearwater Beach’s main strip. ## What I didn’t like Honestly, I can’t say there was much I didn’t like about this place. The only thing I wish I would have done is bought the electronic door pass on my first visit. When I paid the $30.00 for my membership fee, Luke asked if I wanted to get one. I (stupidly) declined because I thought I wouldn’t need one. Man, was I wrong. If you visit the gym during hours when the staff are not present, you won’t be able to get in. And people who are there working out won’t let you in. Believe me, I tried. **More:** [Do Walgreens disposable razors work?](https://guycounseling.com/walgreens-mens-disposable-razors/) In my case, I ended up going back to Luke on my third visit and getting the door pass. It was just $10.00 and I got the money back when my gym membership expired (you just give him the pass and he gives you back the $10.00). ## Is Clearwater Beach Fitness worth the money? All I can tell you is that I’ve been to many different gyms around the country. I was very pleased with this facility because it had a good mix of equipment and a decent size space to work out. When you do the math, a one-week pass comes out to less than $5.00 a day. The facility (at least to me) felt like a real gym. Moreover, it the equipment made available to patrons has the bodybuilder in mind. When I was there, I talked to other people who were vacationing in the area and they made similar observations. As an aside, I did see Hulk Hogan working out on the gym floor during one of my workouts. We didn’t fist-bump or anything but I did say hello and sure enough – he said hi back. Hey, if someone asks me about something cool that happened while I was on vacation, I can at least share that story, right? Well, there you have it – my review of Clearwater Beach Fitness. They are located at 483 Mandalay Avenue, atop the Pelican Plaza. It’s kitty-corner to the Sandpearl Resort. Have you worked out at Clearwater Beach Fitness? How did you like it? Feel free to share your comments below. **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Exercise, Fitness, gym, Review, Vacation --- ### [Heart Disease Linked to Financial Woes Among African Americans](https://guycounseling.com/heart-disease-african-american-126/) **Published:** January 26, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![attractive black man in suit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-suit.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Money and the heart  Coronary heart disease (CHD) is the leading cause of death in America. A new study published this month in the *[American Journal of Preventive Medicine](https://www.ajpmonline.org/)* found that African-Americans who worry about their finances have an increased risk. The [Jackson Heart Study](https://www.jacksonheartstudy.org/) examined data from 2, 256 participants living in Jackson, Mississippi between the years of 2000 and 2012. After the economic recession of 2007, African-American communities were especially impacted. The U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that after December 2007, the unemployment rate for African-Americans was 11.5 percent. That’s 5.2 percent higher than Whites. The aim of the study was to determine if there was a link between psychological stress, specifically economic stress, and the prevalence of coronary heart disease in this population group. The participants of the research study had no prior heart-related illnesses. They were asked about the types of psychological stresses that they experienced in their daily lives. Their overall physical health and smoking behavior were also considered. What the researchers found was a correlation between the psychological toll of financial hardships and the development of heart disease. Cheryl Clark, MD, ScD is a senior author for the study and summarized her findings. “Stress is known to contribute to disease risk, but the data from our study suggest a possible relationship between financial stress and heart disease that clinicians should be aware of as we research and develop interventions to address social determinants of health disparities.” In fact, there were three factors that proved to be a crucial link. The presence of depression, smoking and diabetes together were a fatal trifecta for the African-Americans in this study. Yet, all three factors didn’t need to be in place to significantly increase a person’s risk for CHD. **Related:** [Bi-men at higher risk for heart disease](https://guycounseling.com/bisexual-men-heart-disease/) The study found that African-American men and women who just had moderate-to-high levels of economic stress were three times as likely to have a heart-disease related event. Even participants with mild levels of stress had twice the risk for CHD than people who weren’t affected by economic stress. This longitudinal study sheds light on the issue of economic stress and the link to physical health among African-Americans but it couldn’t draw any definitive conclusions. It failed to hit on any root causes of that stress and was unspecific about ways in which stress affected the body. The study also offered no viable solutions to preventing economic stress. For further clarity, Guy Counseling turned to [Erika Martinez](http://www.envisionwellness.co), Psy.D., CDWF, a licensed Psychologist practicing in Miami. When asked about the link between poverty, stress and physical health, Martinez noted that “Poverty can lead to a chronic stress response in the body. The body’s response to stress is the same regardless of the source of stress. As such, the negative effect on overall health is the same.” Dr. Clark acknowledges the shortcomings of the study but is optimistic about its value in helping clinicians prevent heart disease in African-American communities. “The information from this study covered experiences men and women had during the recession of 2007 and beyond,” Clark said. “As we think about policies to prevent heart disease, we need to know a lot more about how economic volatility and financial stress may be connected to heart disease so that we can prevent unnecessary stress that may affect heart health.” It’s a challenge for African-Americans living in poverty to practice healthy lifestyle choices. Depression and anxiety are ever-present. Plus, there’s a stigma among the Black community when it comes to addressing mental health. Any person dealing with a high level of stress will suffer impairments to their cognitive abilities and experience a diminished quality of life. What’s unique about this study is that it points to a specific connection between economic strain and heart disease for African-Americans – a link which had previously been unknown. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Finances, health, Heart Disease --- ### [How to Improve Your Jumping Ability](https://guycounseling.com/improve-jumping-skills/) **Published:** January 26, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![jumping skills](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/jump.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Jumping Skills Hacks Having a high vertical leap is one of the best ways to quantify your physical abilities. This is true for athletes and people who just want to improve their overall fitness level, as well. The key to jumping higher and farther is instilling more [strength into your body](https://shapeamerica.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00345377.1979.10615653), consistently training for explosive movements, and maintaining proper jump mechanics. Whether you play sports such as basketball or volleyball, or just want to add some variation to your fitness routine, this jump training tutorial is sure to improve your athletic performance. My discipline of choice is parkour and free-running and as an instructor, I’ve helped people improve their jumping ability using this exact same method. You can jump higher. There’s no need to get fancy. You just need more power and proper technique. Factors like your genetics, or your age, or weight aren’t as important as you might think. Bottom line – you don’t need to train like a superstar athlete to have superstar jumping ability. Let me drop some basic physics on you: [Power = (Force x Velocity)](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-a-term-bodybuilders-must-know/) Let’s work through that equation backwards. Velocity is the speed at which an object travels in a single direction. In your case, that would be up. Now, force can get complicated, but in its simplest form it’s the interaction that takes place when your muscles push you off the ground. It’s your strength. When you produce more force quickly, you will improve your jumping ability, literally by leaps and bounds. ## Jump Higher and Farther Now, this jump training tutorial focuses on improving your jumping skill. Jumping is not just a workout after-thought here that’s used to boost your cardio or conditioning. So, it’s important to approach this as a skill-building process. This workout routine contains both weightlifting, body weight and plyometric exercises. Lifting weights will build your strength and plyometrics will enhance your explosiveness – the velocity at which you can produce more power for jumping. If you’re just starting out with weight lifting, then I’d suggest taking a look at our [Body Building Basics](https://guycounseling.com/body-building-basics-4-weight-lifting-techniques-for-muscle-mass/). This will give you a solid foundation. To learn more about the science behind plyometrics, check out these [7 Plyometric Exercises For Strength and Power!](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) ***Equipment Needed***: 3 ft. plyometric box 1 ft. plyometric box Jump rope Medium-weight dumbbells Weighted vest (optional) ***Muscles Worked*:** The posterior chain is the series of muscles that run from your calves up through your hamstring group and glutes to the latissimus dorsi muscles of your back. These are your primary jumping muscles. The coordinated movement of the posterior chain causes you to leap to new heights. - Soleus and Gastrocnemius - Hamstring group - Gluteus Maximus - External obliques - Latissimus dorsi ## Warming-Up for Jump Training First, you should warm up the body by doing some walking lunges. Give yourself plenty of space to move. Now, place your hands on your hips or you can hold them out at your sides for added balance. Step out with your lead foot and be sure to land heel first and then press down through your toes. To do otherwise will risk injuring your knee. Your lead knee should line up directly above your lead toe. Dip down until your back knee almost touches the floor. The deeper you lunge, the more you target the jumping muscles. Now, raise your body and step out again with the alternate leg. Do about 8 to 12 steps. Rest for about 2 minutes. Convert the lunging step into a jumper’s stretch by twisting the abdomen as you dip down. As you lunge forward with the left foot, twist your upper body to the left. When you lunge forward with the right foot, twist your upper body to the right. Do another 8 to 12 repetitions of the modified lunge with a twist. Rest for about 2 minutes. The lunge by itself is one of the best dynamic stretches, but when you add some resistance, you turn it into a jump magnifier. Grab two medium-weight dumbbells, one in each hand with palms facing your outer thighs. Now, perform the lunge just like before. Do 8 to 12 repetitions of the dumbbell walking lunge. ## Jump Rope for Jumping Higher Jumping rope is one of my favorite exercises because it’s so universal. There are so many benefits. The steady rhythm improves your coordination, it gets your heart rate up, and it stiffens the tendons in your legs so that you’re ready for explosive movements. So, for this program, you’re going to jump rope in place for 2 minutes. That might not seem like a lot of time, but you’ll be looking for the clock about half way through the set. Afterwards, rest for 2 minutes. Then, do one more set. ## A Bit of Martial Arts Training The next exercise borrows a bit from my martial arts training. The jumping scissor kick is an explosive movement that requires speed, power and coordination. Start by placing your hands on your hips with your legs staggered a bit like the walking lunge. Now, bend slightly at the knees and jump as high as you can without losing your form. At the height of your jump – scissor your legs back and forth. If your left leg is in the lead position, scissor your right leg forward and then back to the rear for landing. It’s a quick scissor-like movement, not a kick. Do 8 to 12 repetitions with your left leg forward. Then, alternate your right leg forward and do another 8 to 12 repetitions.  Be sure to rest in-between sets. If this exercise isn’t challenging enough with just your bodyweight, then you can do more scissor kicks in-between jumps. I can get four in before I start to lose my form. You can also employ a weighted vest for this exercise to increase the amount of resistance, but I wouldn’t recommend trying this exercise with dumbbells, kettlebells or barbells. ## Build Your Power with Squats You might already be familiar with Smith machine squats or barbell squats, but for jumping higher, you should stick with medium weight dumbbells and the jumping squat. Doing jumping squats with dumbbells adds resistance while forcing you to employ a greater level of muscular control and coordination. Start by holding two medium weight dumbbells, one in each hand. Hold them down at your side, but maintain a tight grip and control at all times. Keep your back straight and your feet slightly wider than shoulder-width apart. Bend at the knees, lean your upper body slightly forward and leap straight up into the air. Straighten your legs at the height of the jump. Be sure to land on the balls of your feet first and then the heels. Bend the knees when you land to absorb the impact. Do 8 to 12 repetitions. Rest for 2 minutes and then follow up with a second set of the same. If you’re feeling stiffness, pain, or you’re losing your form during the jumping squat you’re probably using weights that are too heavy for your body. Scale down the weights and use a lighter load until your jumping squats feel more comfortable. You can also use a weighted vest for this exercise in place of the dumbbells. Some people use a heavy kettlebell held between the legs for this exercise, but dumbbells are independent weights that require more control and coordination. ## Plyometric Box Jumping Now, it’s time to move onto box jumps and plyometrics. Your goal is to expend a massive amount of energy in a short amount of time to build up your power and reflexive speed. What is reflexive speed? It’s your ability to coordinate explosive movements like the ones you need for sprinting, jumping and changing direction. It’s great for athletes who play field sports like football and soccer. Place a 3ft steady block in front of you and a 1ft steady block slightly behind your position. Four to five feet of space is adequate. When doing box jumps, make sure the boxes are heavy enough so that they won’t slide around on the floor. You can also fasten them to the floor with bungee straps or Velcro for added stability. Now, stand facing the smaller box. Bend slightly at the knees, lean forward and rotate your arms back along the length of your back. Push your arms forward and jump off both feet with the aim of landing softly onto the 1ft. box. Land as softly as you can, using the balls of your feet and not the heels. Keep your eyes and chest upright. Now, leap backwards down to the floor and as soon as the balls of your feet touch the floor, reposition and leap onto the box again. This is a quick motion and you should spend no more than .15 seconds on the floor. Perform 15 to 20 repetitions. Without taking a rest, stand on the smaller block with your feet slightly wider than shoulder width apart and your knees bent. Face toward the larger box this time. Jump down from the 1ft box to the floor, landing on the balls of your feet. Bend your body slightly into a squatting position and leap over to the 3ft box. This is called a depth jump. Don’t jump backwards to rest the exercise. You could injure your Achilles heel. Instead, you can place another block on the side or put your hand down to assist you in getting off the high block. Try to do the depth jump as fast and as safely as you can. 15 to 20 repetitions would be the ideal range for improving your jumping ability. Rest for a full 2 minutes and then repeat this entire plyometric circuit again. ## Improving Your Jump Mechanics Jumping is one of the most basic forms of human locomotion, but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t know how to properly jump. Good technique will help you jump higher and minimize your chance of injury. If you can put what you’ve gained in the weight room with some proper jump mechanics, you’ll be surprised at how much your vertical leap has improved. To get the most height and/or distance out of your jump, it requires the coordination of your entire body, not just the legs. There are four phases to a good jump. There’s initiation, contracting, flexing, and then landing. During the initiation phase, be sure to swing your arms backwards, hinge at the hips, and tighten your core as you bend the knees. When you jump, think about the full range of motion and your entire body’s movement. Open the upper body by flexing the shoulders and swinging your arms forward. Fully extend your hips and knees. Keep your chin upward. You can also use a camera to record yourself jumping in order to correct any inconsistencies in your form and technique. ## Final Thoughts and Recommendations There is no magic bullet to jumping higher. It depends on several factors such as practice, technique and the amount of strength you gain from resistance training. However, this is a way to accelerate your development. You must be consistent to see real results. In my experience, you should perform this workout routine twice a week with at least one day between workouts for rest and recovery. Then, you should take a third training day to workout in your particular discipline. If you do [parkour](https://guycounseling.com/military-bootcamp-parkour/), then go for a run session. If you play basketball, keep playing pick-up games once a week. When you’re training to improve your power and jumping mechanics, you don’t have to wait to see results. You can start implementing what you’ve gained immediately. **Categories:** Guy Skills, Mind **Tags:** Jumping, Martial Arts, muscle, Parkour --- ### [What's New in The 2020 Jeep Gladiator?](https://guycounseling.com/2020-jeep-gladiator-review/) **Published:** January 25, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![jeep 2020](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/gladiator.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Jeep Gladiator 2020 Review The 2020 Jeep Gladiator is a mid-sized pick-up truck that has best-in-class towing and payload. It’s also the only truck where you can take off all four doors. The Gladiator isn’t just a Wrangler with a truck bed. It’s the real deal and then some. ## Introduction to the Gladiator On November 29th, 2018, Jeep debuted its all-new pickup truck – the [Jeep Gladiator](https://www.jeep.com/gladiator.html) at the Los Angeles Auto Show. It’s slated for commercial release late in 2019. At first glance, the Gladiator looks a bit like the Mercedes-Benz G Wagon. Both have that rugged, polished metal exterior look, boxy frame, exposed door hinges and legitimate claims to the off-road crown. That’s about where the similarities end though. **Check Out:** [What’s New in the The Mercedes-Benz G Class SUV](https://guycounseling.com/mercedes-benz-g-class-suv-review/) Gladiator isn’t a new name. It was first used back in the mid-60s. The new 2020 Jeep Gladiator will be available in four different model trims. There’s the base model Sport, the Sport S, the Overland and Rubicon. The base model comes handsomely equipped with a durable steel truck bed, 7-inch touchscreen display, and a towing capacity of up to 7,650 pounds. The Sport S comes with 17-inch wheels, Apple CarPlay and Android Auto connectivity, as well as a weatherproof 115-volt power outlet in the bed of the truck. The Overland trim upgrades the Gladiator with leather seating, an 8.4-inch touchscreen display and advanced safety features. It has adaptive cruise control and forward collision warnings. The Rubicon model is an off-roader’s dream come true. It comes with a front-facing trail camera, 33-inch all-terrain tires, and an electronically-disconnecting front sway bar. ## Exterior Style of the Jeep Gladiator The Gladiator is available in 10 different color palettes. You can find a Gladiator in exterior paint choices with names like Gator, Firecracker Red, and Hydro Blue. One of the standout exterior colors is called *Punk’n*. It’s an orange metallic paint with clear coat finish that is sure to turn heads on the trail. The 2020 Jeep Gladiator has a distinctive feature that won’t be found on any other mid-sized truck. You can choose between a hardtop or a soft top, both of which can be retracted for an open-air drive. That’s not all. You can fold the front windshield forward and remove all four of the doors for a riding experience that only a Jeep could provide. The 5-foot, steel truck bed can be accessed through a three-position tail gate and can be completely covered with an available roll-up top. It has never-before-seen low side sills so you can easily reach in and out. The front end of the Gladiator is all Wrangler though. It has the same signature round head lamps and seven-slatted grille of its smaller cousin. There’s also a striking resemblance from the profile view. ## Performance Capabilities of the Gladiator The 2020 Jeep Gladiator has a 3.6 Liter, Pentastar V6 engine under the hood. It’s capable of achieving 285 horsepower and 260 lb. ft. of torque. That powertrain is the same one that’s in the base model Rubicon and it’s managed by a six-speed manual transmission. An eight-speed automatic transmission is available on the Gladiator and so is a 3.0 Liter, turbo-charged EcoDiesel V6 engine. You’ll lose significant horsepower with this set-up, but the torque rating lifts to a whopping 442 lb. ft. You can’t talk about a Jeep without mentioning its off-road capabilities. The 2020 Gladiator will have two 4×4 systems to choose from. Most will come with a Command Trac system that has a two-speed transfer case. Every Gladiator will come with heavy duty front and rear axles, a class 4 hitch in the back and a winch up front.  The Rubicon model is decked out with the best equipment. It has electronically-locking differentials for both axles and trail-crafted shocks. The electronically-disconnecting sway bars help with off-road control, but the Gladiator is too big for sport climbing. It’s gonna be great at hauling cargo, but the Gladiator’s frame style, length and width won’t make it much of a rock-crawler. ## The Jeep Gladiator’s Interior Features The interior layout is uncluttered and comfortable. You’ve got rounded aircon vents and gauges, polished details, and a function-first design strategy at play here. The leather, 3-spoke steering wheel has controls for audio and Bluetooth. The center stack has plenty of storage space for small items. The Overland model looks divine in black leather, but the Rubicon can be outfitted with brown leather or a black leather interior with red accents and stitching throughout. The back seat looks comfortable enough but might seem a bit cramped when compared to other mid-sized trucks. Luckily, the back seats fold up for added storage space underneath and fold down to access the storage space in the rear. The 2020 Jeep Gladiator has a Bluetooth-enabled speaker system. That’s not so remarkable, but no other vehicle has ever had a removable Bluetooth speaker. ## Final Analysis of the 2020 Jeep Gladiator Best-in-class seems to be the overall strategy behind the 2020 Jeep Gladiator. It’s got the best towing and payload of any mid-sized truck and the largest touchscreen display. The Gladiator is 218 inches long and has a wide truck bed. It’s not going to be the ideal choice for bouldering, but it will be more than capable of hauling and towing massive loads to the campsite. The Gladiator has beefy, masculine style elements. Its design is daring, and Jeep Gladiator owners will be rewarded by having a truly unique vehicle in their garage. **Do you own a Jeep vehicle? If so, share your experiences below in the comments section**. **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Car, cars, Jeep --- ### [7 Hacks for Dealing with Dating Site Rejection](https://guycounseling.com/dating-site-rejection/) **Published:** January 23, 2019 **Author:** Chris Andre **Content:** ![dating site rejection](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/dating.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Rejection and online dating In a love relationship, everything is not so simple. It would be nice if things were going like in a fairy tale: you find a beautiful woman, offer her to make the acquaintance, and she agrees. However, life is much more complicated. Girls often refuse acquaintance, and such a rejection can break a guy, especially if he is not self-confident and he has low self-esteem. [Rejection](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) in itself is a severe test for most men. It becomes an insurmountable barrier to mastering the art of seduction. Therefore, as soon as you learn to cope with rejection, everything will fall into place: self-confidence, positive mood, and attitude to life. And so, there are 7 tips on how to deal with dating site rejection. ## 1. Don’t criticize yourself If a girl refused you, she did so not because you were bad but because she did not want to get acquainted with you. Why are you worried? Do you care? This girl is nobody to you; respectively, you should not care what she feels and thinks about you. ## 2. Be persistent There is another very important point on the issue of female refusals. In fact, some rejections are not a decision of a woman not to communicate with you but a test. It is usually done by much more women than you think. She tests your self-confidence, perseverance, endurance, willpower, and all the qualities that she wants to see in her life partner. If you demonstrate these qualities, then the majority of women who refused you for the first time will substitute mercy for the anger, and your chances will increase. Be persistent, and you will have women. ## 3. Stay calm After rejection on a [ladies dating site](https://marrybrides.com/), guys most often make the same mistake: they begin to swear and insult the girl. This is a kind of resentment because it is really difficult and painful to meet with a refusal. However, the practice has shown that some girls change their minds after rejection. To achieve it, you need to show your self-confidence and indifference. As soon as a girl refused you, tell her the following phrase, “Well, it’s okay, thank you for the answer.” Thus, you make it clear to the girl that her rejection to get acquainted with you have not thrown you out of your stride, and you are still a self-confident and strong guy. Every woman needs such a man! Therefore, remember that you should always behave calmly, even if a girl refuses to get acquainted and start communicating with you. After all, it is just a game of chance. ## 4. Do not consider yourself a bad person Rejection on a dating site is not an indication that you are a bad person. Stop thinking amiss about yourself just because you are refused. A girl may have a thousand reasons for doing this. These reasons do not mean that you are bad. You just need to find another “victim” for dating, a person who can love you as you are. ## 5. Stay positive Your success in attracting women is outlined as follows: try to find the positive aspects of rejection and take an optimist look at the future. Take a lesson from it. In other words, every time you get a refusal, you gain new experience and become one step closer to your goal. ## 6. Be creative A rejection to communicate on a dating site is much less annoying than refusal in person. But still, you recognize that a girl has read your message and even looked through your profile, but if this woman does not respond, then she is not interested in you. You should do your best to make your profile page as informative and interesting as possible: try to post photos of high-quality, fill out some information about yourself, and be online more frequently. If you feel that you have found the right person, ask her to go out on a date in a club or cafe (if you live in the same city). The key point is: do not be afraid to make the first step, women are waiting for it. ## 7. Do not give up The advantage of online dating services is that there are a lot of lonely people in one place. However, it is also a disadvantage. Such a big choice; everything happens very quickly! You can get ten failures in a row just in a week, and it is clear that you will appeal to the eleventh girl without much enthusiasm and be unconvincing in your courtship. But come on! Do not be so wimpy! Firstly, keep looking for love and try to get acquainted with a girl. Secondly, when studying women’s’ questionnaires, pay attention not to photos and physical parameters but to similar interests and coincidences in the biography. ## **Bonus** **Spend time with people who love you** If you feel small and rejected, talk to people who care about you. Spend the night with family or a friend who can inspire you to new achievements. So you remember your virtues and realize that your life does not consist of just failures and rejections, as there are a lot of wonderful moments and people who are happy to spend time with you. Use these tips and never mind dating site rejections. Be able to see the good in everything and look at life philosophically. We wish you success in attraction! **Categories:** Field Notes, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Online, Rejection --- ### [I Still Love My Ex After Destroying Our Relationship](https://guycounseling.com/still-love-ex-breakup/) **Published:** January 22, 2019 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![couple beach love with ex](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/couple-beach.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## I’ve stopped trying to deny loving my ex Like the title says, I still love my ex. However, accepting this truth has only been a recent phenomenon. The reality is I denied my feelings for years. Perhaps you can relate? The revelation came to me after reading a book and then working with a therapist. It has taken time but what I’ve learned is **the more you deny something – like a feeling – the more powerful it becomes.** It’s kind of like sticking your finger in a dike. Sure, it works for a while. But eventually, cracks start to form until something gives and the water comes rushing through. As men, we’re inculcated to [break up with women](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) in ways that don’t show our emotions. You know what I mean, right? I’m talking about severing ties and making off like it’s no big deal. To do otherwise is to break the bro-code; that ridiculous unspoken thing guys do that saves us from losing face. And yep, I’m admitting that I was a master at this. Now that I’m walking on a path of healing, I’ve discovered that self-compassion is much easier when I don’t lie to myself about past mistakes. Here’s the highlights of my story. Five years ago, I broke up with a girl who I **truly thought** would be my wife. Instead of boring you with all of the details, I’ll simply say that I made a REALLY stupid decision in thinking there was someone better “out there”. Looking back, I can see how terribly wrong I was. Through the lens of time, it is obvious to me this relationship was very different than my norm. Yes, it was physical but it was also deeply emotional. No, it wasn’t perfect. No romance is. But it was powerfully magnetic while nurturing at the same time. And it wasn’t the clingy type of love (Believe me: I’ve been in enough of those types of relationships to know the difference). Almost daily, I’ve reflected on why I ruined something so amazing and why I haven’t been in a healthy relationship since. Even as I write this now, the pain of my loss is fresh. Not long ago, I would never have written something like this. But I’ve learned through deep acceptance that the only way forward is to own your sh\*\*. Here are five insights I’ve had about my problems with intimacy and finding love since the breakup. ### 1. My intimacy fears wrecked something special In all the ways that matter, I dumped my girlfriend of five years [because of intimacy fears](https://guycounseling.com/5-reasons-men-have-fear-of-intimacy/). Specifically, I subconsciously wrecked the relationship because I selfishly didn’t want to be tied down. In turn, these misplaced feelings fueled a pathetic excuse that something “better” would come along and that things would magically work out. As I’ve found out, successful relationships require that you let down your walls and let someone in. ### 2. Guilt caused me to date unhealthy people After breaking up with my girlfriend, I put myself out on the dating scene. And **because I was emotionally unhealthy, I attracted toxic people to my life**. While I didn’t realize it then, I was using sex as a tool for validation, assuming that my ability to lure women to me translated into higher self-esteem. All the while, I never got close to any of them. The reason is simple. We cannot give what we do not possess. Translation: You can’t receive love unless you are capable of giving it. ### 3. I pretended my depression didn’t exist Depression – it’s a term most of us (men) don’t like to use because many of us fear it signifies weakness. I should know because, for much of my adult life, I’ve been depressed. Rather than deal with it, I [used booze](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) to forget my growing sadness. But that only works for so long, you know? “When I meet someone new, I’ll feel better because she’ll make me happy,” I would say to myself. Man is that messed up. What I’ve learned is that no one can “make” me happy. I can only do this for myself. Everything else is gravy. ### 4. I replicated my father’s behaviors This isn’t true for everyone but it certainly applies to me. My father struggled with intimacy issues. In fact, it’s the reason my parents ended up getting a divorce when I was 15 years old. Because he was my primary male role model, I replicated his love style – which was anxious avoidant. Only now am I coming to terms with his blueprint. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not his fault and this point is not being made to cast blame. Instead, I’m merely mentioning that I failed to see his unhappiness because, like me, my dad put up a false front. ### 5. Admitting I’m still in love with my ex is liberating After verbally saying out loud that I am still in love with my ex, I have found myself liberated. That may sound silly but let me explain. We were together for five years. Once I severed the chord, I acted like the loss was a non-event. With each new dating experience came failure as I tried to get back what I had sabotaged. Not long ago, I saw my ex at a party. Immediately, all of those feelings I had denied came rushing back. It was in that moment that I realized she was the one good thing that had happened in my love life. I also knew that I still loved her. When I say this, I’m not romanticizing the past or engaging in the game of regrets. Instead, I’m simply speaking my truth. And that’s the liberating part. When we are honest about our mistakes and their consequences, the pain becomes less intense. In turn, this empowers healing. In this moment, I realize I am not relationship ready. But I also recognize that **one day I will be**. However, in order for that to happen, I’ll need to continue being brutally honest with myself. This means practicing self-forgiveness and not beating myself up in the process. If you are interested in beginning your own path towards healing, I highly recommend the book, *Insecure in Love by Becker-Phelps* ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2T57G4r)). A friend recommended it to me, which is what helped kick start my own path to self-discovery. In case you are wondering, my ex is off the market. From what I gathered at the party, she’s been married for some time now. She also appears to be very happy. Yes, I am still in love with my ex. I’m not ashamed to admit it. And the only way to move forward is to stand in my truth. **Categories:** Field Notes, Relationships **Tags:** Breakup, Breakups, Girlfriend, Love, Self-Love --- ### [MenScience Androceuticals Advanced Face Lotion Review](https://guycounseling.com/menscience-face-lotion-review/) **Published:** January 21, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![facial cream men lotion menscience](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/mens-face-cream-lotion.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of MenScience Advanced Face Lotion MenScience – they are a huge player in the men’s personal care market. One of the company’s top-selling products is their advanced face lotion, billed as “ultralight” and oil free. But does the cream live up to its claims? Moreover, is MenScience Advanced Face Lotion worth the money? In this post, I’ll share my impressions and thoughts. But first a little background. ## Switching to MenScience Six months ago, I switched from my normal face lotion (CeraVe) to MenScience. You may be wondering why? It’s simple. From time to time, I like to change things up with grooming products. If you are a man who invests in self-care items, you probably know it’s easy to get stuck in a rut. Over the course of time, this can mean you miss out on new products that could benefit your complexion. Make sense? In addition to wanting change, I also decided to switch because several friends of mine had been using this product and sang its praises. There’s nothing like the power of recommendations, right? Now to keep it real, I need to disclose to you that I’ve used this product before. That said, it was only for a short period of time (like a few days). In order to write up a meaningful review, I figured it was best to make this face lotion part of my [regular skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) for at least three months. As it turns out, I’ve now used it for six. ## My Skin Type – Oily This review won’t do you any good unless you know my skin type. Long story short, I fall on the oily side of things. I wish that I didn’t but I do. This means that when I choose a face lotion, I’m very careful not to buy anything that leaves a shine or clogs skin. I take the same approach with scrubs. [See this post on best men’s exfoliators](https://guycounseling.com/best-exfoliating-face-scrubs-men/) to learn more. OK, now that I’ve gotten all of that out of the way, let’s get into the nuts and bolts of my review. I’ll start out with what I like and then move on to what I don’t. ## MenScience Face Lotion Pros If truth be told, there were many more advantages to using this product than disadvantageous. To simplify, I’ve used bullet points below: - Cream is lightweight - A little bit goes a long way - Scent free - Softens lines over time - No oily residue - Leaves no shine - Seems to have renewing qualities - Contains vitamins A, C, and E - Infused with antioxidants and green tea ## MenScience Face Lotion Cons As mentioned above, the pros for this guy outnumbered the cons. That said, this doesn’t mean the lotion is perfect. See points below. - Small amount in bottle (3.4 fluid ounces per) - Takes time to absorb (not fast acting) - Price point is more expensive than many brands - Not easily purchased at stores ## General Impressions So, you are probably wondering the verdict? Does MenScience Androceuticals Advanced Face Lotion live up to the hype? Is it worth the money? All I can tell you is that since using this product, I’ve been very pleased. At a national retail price of $39.00, I am the first to admit this lotion is (somewhat) expensive. In my case, I bought it online [via Amazon](https://amzn.to/2DqMmB8) and took advantage of free shipping with my Prime account. Two days after placing my order, it arrived at my home in a small box. Generally speaking, I’ve applied the lotion to my face twice a day. Once in the morning after showering and then again at night before bed (obviously, I rinse my mug first). In the six months I’ve been using, I’ve noticed a gradual improvement in the elasticity of my skin. There’s no other way to say it except to just blurt it out – the cream helps with suppleness. Perhaps it has something to do with the vitamin infusions? Maybe it’s because of the antioxidants? I honestly don’t know. In the final analysis, I guess all that really matters is if it works. The other thing that I dig about this cream is that it doesn’t irritate my face. That’s kind of a big deal because many [lotions marketed to men](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) contain harsh chemicals that can inflame and redden. So, ultimately, I really think this is an amazing men’s skincare product. Yes, it costs more than other creams but if you are looking for something that **goes on light, moisturizes well and doesn’t leave a shine**, this could be a good fit. I recognize there are other reviews online that suggest the lotion costs way too much and isn’t worth the money. While I respect the opinions of others, I can only share my personal experiences. Well, there you have it. My review of MenScience Androceuticals Advanced Face Lotion. Have you used this product? If so, what were your impressions? Leave your comments below in the comments area. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Face Cream, face lotion, menscience, Oily Skin, Skin Care --- ### [Can Hypnosis Help with Sexual Performance Anxiety?](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-performance-anxiety/) **Published:** January 19, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hypnosis performance anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/hypnosis-performance-anxiety.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men, Intimacy and Sexual Performance Anxiety Are you a man struggling to perform in the bedroom? Do start off strong but eventually go soft? Conversely, have you had problems with firmness at the beginning? If you answered yes to any of the above, know that you aren’t alone. According to some [research](https://www.uwhealth.org/urology/erectile-dysfunction-ed/20537), erectile dysfunction (ED) is common among certain age groups. As a tool for coping, some men wonder about natural approaches to help liven things up. Examples include [anti-anxiety teas](https://guycounseling.com/10-natural-remedies-anxiety-calm-relax/) and mindfulness-based meditations. But for our purposes, we’re going to explore hypnosis. The reason is simple. A question a lot of guys have is: *Can hypnotherapy help with sexual performance anxiety?* Before I give you an answer, it is important to state that some causes of ED are directly related to a medical problem. While I can’t list them all, common reasons include cardiovascular disease, weight issues, and high blood pressure. Therefore, it is **critical** to be examined by your physician to rule out potential medical causes. ## Anxiety and Intimacy Barring any physiological issues, it is possible that issues surrounding performance relate to anxiety. Specifically, I’m talking about fears you may have about pleasing a partner behind closed doors. Which brings us back to that central question about hypnosis. According to [research](https://search.proquest.com/openview/fef8ea39ff19cf71b08e57762f17220a/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=28723), hypnosis for sexual anxiety has been helpful to some people. But if you think this approach involves brainwashing or turning you into some kind of manly beast, think again. Hypnosis for sexual anxiety is all about creating a calm mental state so that you feel more confident when you are with an another. In this way, you train your subconscious mind to become relaxed, thereby lessening the impact of anxiety. In its purest form, we’re talking about relaxation hypnotherapy. Some consider this to be a [kind of erotic hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/erotic-hypnosis-10-facts-you-might-not-know/) but without all of the attached stereotypes. ## Hypnosis and Performance Fears Acting as a conduit for greater self-esteem, hypnotherapy for anxiety can help you to visualize yourself in healthy ways. Depending on the hypnotist, certain affirmations are used to aid in the process. An example might be: *My partner finds me attractive. I perform strongly in the bedroom with my mate.* What’s great about anxiety focused hypnosis is that it works well as an adjunct to other things you may be doing to address the problem. If your doctor has encouraged you to exercise more or has prescribed an ED medication, hypnotherapy can be an additional resource you can call upon as part of a comprehensive approach. Additionally, [hypnotherapy for anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) works well as an adjunct to various forms of counseling, including cognitive behavior therapy. The key thing to keep in mind when looking for hypnotic services linked to performance anxiety is this: Hypnosis isn’t something someone does to you. Instead, it’s a skill that you learn to create calmness, thereby increasing pleasure. If you are a man who is considering hypnosis to help you with sexual anxiety issues, it is best to work with a mental health professional trained in hypnotherapy. ## Summing Things Up Natural approaches to anxiety work best when they are combined with traditional methods, carried out by your physician or mental health counselor. Bear in mind that hypnotherapy isn’t “therapy” in and of itself but instead, a tool of therapy. If you are looking for more information on the psychological causes of ED and natural ways of working through, there is a terrific book called Coping with Erectile Dysfunction by Metz and McCarthy. See [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2szJxXU) for price. Who knows – with a little bit of focus on yourself, things could be looking up. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, intimacy, Performance --- ### [7 Simple Hacks for Reducing Digital Clutter](https://guycounseling.com/digital-clutter-hacks-1120/) **Published:** January 20, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![couple on smartphones in bed reading digital information](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/couple-bed-smartphones.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Simplifying Your Digital Life Are you struggling to remember things like your email passwords and your PIN number? Do you have trouble tuning out the endless stream of notifications on your smartphone? Are you finding it difficult to concentrate at work, but you can’t shutdown at home either? Well, chances are you’ve got a nasty case of digital clutter. Just like a living space that has been overrun with knick-knacks and whatchamacallits, the overconsumption of digital information in your mind can drive you crazy. ## The Psychology of Social Media and Smartphone Addiction Social media is unavoidable these days and research trends show that [smartphone addiction](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-boundaries/) is leading to anxiety, attention deficit disorder, depression and even suicide among young Americans. In 2017, there were 209 million social media users in America. According to data from [Statista](https://www.statista.com/topics/3196/social-media-usage-in-the-united-states/), that’s 77 percent of the country. The average smartphone user checks their device 47 times a day. Social media platforms sell your attention and data to advertisers. That’s why they’re free for you to use. Have you ever jumped on a website and been so bombarded by ads that you couldn’t even find the information you were looking for? The internet is like an overcrowded, open air market with hawkers competing every second for your attention. One of the most alluring aspects of social media is the promise of intermittent rewards. You get a small rush of dopamine every time you get a new “like” or “follower”. It’s the same principle as a slot machine in Vegas. You see those cherries swirl around and every now and then you win big. Catherine Price, the author of [How to Break Up With Your Phone](https://amzn.to/2MnWrSg) noted that “Instagram has created code that deliberately holds back on showing users new ‘likes’ so that it can deliver a bunch of them in a sudden rush at the most effective moment possible—meaning the moment at which seeing new likes will discourage you from closing the app.” The constant barrage of notifications, comments, pings, and emails is taking its toll on our ability to focus and complete tasks. The random bits of data are wreaking havoc on our short-term memory. Cal Newport, associate professor of computer science at Georgetown University, thinks that there are serious implications for future generations. “It is almost certainly true that young people are suffering a rapid decline in their ability to concentrate. **Related:** [7 smartphone boundaries to live by](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-boundaries/) Given the increasing share of the economy dedicated to knowledge work, in which concentrated thought is the primary driver of value production, this decline might start to impact large scale economic metrics, if it hasn’t already”. ![digital life smartphone ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/smartphone.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Is your digital life becoming unmanageable? ## How to Manage Your Digital Clutter There’s no need to panic or get drastic. Smartphones are helpful and social media serves a purpose. So, you just need to regain control. If you feel that your mind could use a bit of a Spring cleaning, then try these targeted techniques. ## 1. The Low Info Diet Smartphones are a transformative technology that have integrated into nearly every aspect of our lives. From calendars and calculators to navigation and gaming, smartphones can assist our cognitive abilities in unprecedented ways. So, unplugging completely is almost completely impossible and certainly impractical. Yet, that’s exactly what Timothy Ferriss prescribes in his book “[The 4-Hour Workweek](https://amzn.to/2DluSpK)*”.* In the book, Ferriss suggests that you can relieve mental clutter by going on a weeklong digital detox. However, the low information diet could produce severe symptoms of depression and anxiety as the FOMO (fear of missing out) mounts to near-toxic levels. Moderation is the best pathway to success. So, try to limit certain types of information such as gossip news, spam, and status updates. ## 2. Disable Your Notifications One way to reduce the amount of time you spend looking at your digital device is to disable your notifications. Most of them aren’t critical and only serve as a gateway for scrolling. You can do this several different ways. On your mobile device, you can go into *Settings>Do Not Disturb*. This will have the largest effect for screening your digital life because absolutely nothing will get through. You can get more specific though by blocking notifications from specific applications. Just go into *Settings>Applications>Block* for Android devices or for iOS you can go into *Settings>Notifications* and then toggle the *Allow Notifications* function to the OFF position. ## 3. Set a Low Info Day Going on a full digital detox might prove too much of a challenge for most people. Even a week without the internet can seem like a punishment that you don’t deserve. Instead, try to set a low-info day. This can be a Sunday when you’re off from work or mid-week when you’re feeling the greatest strain on your mental well-being. On your low-info day it helps to schedule other activities that help to keep your attention away from your smartphone. This might be a good time to work on DIY projects around the house or go out for an adventure in the city. Above all, try to limit your screen time when you’re in the presence of another person. Be in the moment and enjoy your present company rather than looking down at your smartphone when you think they’re not looking. ## 4. Rank Your Emails Your inbox is a mess. There are tabs, categories, promotions, and newsletters and it’s all stacking up. Not only do you have thousands of unread messages, your inbox sends you alerts every time you receive a new one. So, a good way to cut down on all that digital clutter is to rank your emails according to importance. Star the emails that come from your important contacts and file away the emails that you’re sure to ignore. Try to keep your top layer inbox as clean as possible. You can also set aside an hour a week just to sort through the backlog. Unsubscribe to newsletters that you don’t read and inform your friends and colleagues when they’re correspondence level is just too much for your liking. If you use Gmail and your smartphone is your main hub for emails, then here’s a helpful trick to help cut down on the number of alerts you receive. It’s called Priority Inbox. Go into Gmail, tap *Settings>Inbox Type>Priority Inbox.* ## 5. Selective Following When it comes to social media, people tend to place a high value on the number of followers they have. Gary Vaynerchuk, of Vaynerchuck Media, calls it “vanity metrics”. It’s the likes, followers, and comments that we unnecessarily link to our perceived popularity, progress, and happiness. The problem is that as you stack up more followers and follow more users, you get inundated with information. Your timeline becomes a bulletin board for lunch photos, baby pics, and inspirational quotes. Then, you miss out on some of the valuable information that you could be gleaning from social media. Take the time to go through the list of users that you follow and do some auditing. You’re sure to find that some of these accounts are either irrelevant or unimportant to your life. Following fewer users means having fewer notifications and fewer random bits of information to clog up your short-term memory. ## 6. Put Your Phone Away Perhaps the easiest way to declutter your mind is simply to put the phone away. That doesn’t mean you need to lock it in a box or smash it against the wall. Just keep it out of reach. Our smartphones are too easily accessible. They stay in our hands and constantly present the opportunity to put our thumbs to work for the sake of curing our boredom. When you go to bed at night, try putting your phone on a table across the room, so when you wake up, you have to get out of bed to reach it. When you’re at work, put your phone in your bag or in a desk drawer so you don’t see it light up when a random ad comes through. When you get home, try taking your phone out of your pocket and placing it down so you can spend more time focusing on your family and friends. ## 7. Place Phone Out of Site The final tip is one that may help you resist the urge to check your phone. It’s simple. Place your phone in another room, away from your field of vision. Doing so will minimize the visual or auditory triggers associated with your wireless device. The old saying, “Out of sight – out of mind” really is true when it comes to cellphones. Imagine spending a few moments in mindful meditation before getting out of bed in the morning as opposed to automatically reaching for your phone to see the latest on social media? ## The Takeaway Living in the information age has its drawbacks. Digital bits of information have substance and they take up space in our minds. [Data research](https://www.domo.com/learn/data-never-sleeps-5?aid=ogsm072517_1&sf100871281=1) from DOMO estimated that in 2017, Americans consumed 2,657,700 gigabytes of data every single day. Luckily, the mind can flush out most of the random information that it receives, but technology has presented a new challenge in the form of addictive social media platforms and handheld, internet-enabled devices. The combination can be toxic. To maintain your focus, you should limit the amount of time you spend absent-mindedly scrolling through your smartphone. You can also take digital detoxes to reconnect with the physical world and the people in it that matter to you the most. While research on the long-lasting effects of data consumption are still emerging, the effects are evident in our daily lives. Not all data is created equal. Seek out the information that is useful and filter out the junk that isn’t. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Addicton, Cellphone, Digital, Smartphone, Tech, Technology --- ### [Apple Air Pods - Worth The Money?](https://guycounseling.com/apple-air-pods-review-119/) **Published:** January 19, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man cellphone air pods](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/hipster-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Apple Air Pods Review Are you thinking of buying a pair of [Apple Air Pods](https://www.apple.com/airpods/)? Wondering if this wireless device does a good job of letting you stream music, listen to audio files or engage in a phone call? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Many people want to know if these tiny earpieces live up to the hype. In fact, the positive buzz around Apple’s Air Pods is what served as inspiration for penning this piece. Before diving too deep, I’m letting you know up front that I’m not getting jack from the folks at Apple for writing this review. This means no direct compensation and no affiliate money through a third party. So, on to the central question of this post. **Are Apple’s Air Pods worth the money?** At a national retail price of $159.00, it’s a legitimate question, given the expense. In my case, I purchased mine in October of last year at my local Verizon store. The reason for buying them was simple. Many of my friends had them and to a fault, described the pods as “amazing”. “Wait till you hear how music sounds. You’ll be shocked,” said a buddy of mine as he had one of the pods stuck in his ear. “They are much different than the old earbuds,” he added. Convinced, I trotted over to Verizon and bought the store’s last pair. Now, three months later, I’ve had the opportunity to use them daily. Below you will find my impressions – both good and bad. I’ve included a video from Tech Crunch to provide a visual. ## What I like: Right off the bat, I’m going to say there are many more things about Apple’s Air Pods that I like versus what I don’t like. Here’s a quick rundown: - Excellent, crystal clear sound quality when listening to music. - Suburb audio quality for telephone conversations. - Built-in microphone works great for two-way phone conversations. - Decent amount of flexibility with approximately 30-35 range. - Pods (generally) fit easily into the ear. - Amazing option of letting you wear just one and not both. - Charging holder is compact and looks cool. - Battery charge lights are intuitive - Automatic pop up display on iPhone tells you the battery life of each Air Pod. ## What I didn’t like: As I mentioned above, the pros outweigh the cons for this piece of technology. Here are a few negatives – and I’m stretching a bit here to jot these down. - Keeping Bluetooth “on” with my iPhone can sometimes interfere with other apps. - Bluetooth seems to slow my phone down a bit. - Battery life of each pod for talk-time seems to be a maximum of two hours each. - Unless tethered to a chord, Air Pods can accidentally slip out of your ear, making them easy to lose. - Prefer more color options than white. ## Air Pods – Worth the Money? Now that I’ve given you my impressions – good and bad – you can probably guess my response to the question about them being worth the money. All I can tell you is that since buying the pods, I’ve used them every day without a problem. Because I regularly engage in telephone and video meetings, the pods have been a lifesaver. While wearing them, I’m able to move about in a natural way and not be restricted by wires. **Related:** [Would you buy an Apple Flip Phone?](https://guycounseling.com/apple-flip-phone-rumors-324/) In the final analysis, I can tell you that I’ve been extremely pleased with this purchase and feel that the money was well spent. I recognize that there are other reviews online that aren’t nearly as glowing. Speaking only for myself, all I can say is that I’ve had a very positive experience. My favorite thing about the Air Pods is how music sounds. Because I tend to listen to a lot of classic rock, I really like the way the bass tones come through. It’s just way cool. So, there you have it – my review of Apple’s Air Pods. Do you own a pair? If so, what are your impressions? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Air Pods, Apple, Tech --- ### [Spending a Few Minutes in Nature Lifts Mood, Says Science](https://guycounseling.com/nature-lifts-mood-114/) **Published:** January 14, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![man outdoors nature woods](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-nature-outdoors-woods.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: New report offers a natural way to boost mood** Feeling blue? Looking for something to lift your spirits? If the answer is yes, you might want to find your nearest park or nature preserve and spend time hanging out. By doing so, you could end up feeling better. We’re not just saying that because we’re nature freaks. Instead, a new report published in the *[Journal of Positive Psychology](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760.2018.1557242?journalCode=rpos20)* suggests spending just a few minutes in natural environments quickly improves mood. Here at Guy Counseling, we’ve known for some time about the therapeutic benefits of [nature therapy](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/); a $10.00 term used to describe how contact with the outdoors offers psychological benefits. The new study mentioned above certainly supports our position. In this line of research, 123 university students were asked to sit in a public park for a minimum of five minutes, compared to others who sat in a lab room with no windows. To absolutely no one’s surprise, the folks who spent time outdoors experienced a significant increase in positive emotions. ![outdoors mood nature depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/chicago-college-student.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) The other finding from this study revealed that one doesn’t have to spend a lot of time outdoors to experience mood-lifting benefits. A second investigation of 70 students showed that increasing time outdoors to 15 minutes did not magnify the effect. Guy Counseling spoke to Dr. John Moore, a licensed mental health counselor (and editor of GC) about the study to gain his impressions. “We live in an increasingly digital world that locks many people indoors and away from the natural elements. It makes perfect sense to me that being with nature has a positive impact on emotional states,” says Moore. Study author, Katherine D. Arbuthnott of Campion College, shared her thoughts about the findings with [PsyPost](https://goo.gl/umD1Mz). “Throughout my life I have enjoyed time spent in natural settings, so I have been delighted to discover the burgeoning research examining the health benefits of nature contact,” said Arbuthnott. She adds, “The findings of emotional health benefits are particularly interesting as they seem to be observed very easily and quickly. My students and I decided to push the boundaries of this rapid effect to see how quickly we could observe changes, and whether these effects are appreciably changed with longer exposures.” **When you are feeling blue, do you spend time outdoors? If so, does it boost your mood?** **Categories:** Mind, News, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mood, nature --- ### [Are You Ready to Become A Father?](https://guycounseling.com/new-father-reflection-questions/) **Published:** January 12, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![new father](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/new-dad-depression.jpg?resize=614%2C397&ssl=1) ## Reflection points for becoming a new dad Having a child is one of the greatest responsibilities of your lifetime. That’s why it’s little surprise that most men don’t think they’re ready for fatherhood. It doesn’t matter if you’ve planned it or you’re hit with a big surprise, nobody should feel like they’re 100% ready for the task of nurturing another human being to maturity. That doesn’t mean you *can’t* do it. That doesn’t mean you’re not fully capable of excelling at it either. Sure, your parents, friends and co-workers can give you advice, but how do you know if you’re *really* ready to become a father? Ultimately, you must look deep inside yourself. Instead of asking yourself – am I ready to become a father? Try asking yourself these 10 questions instead. ## Do my partner and I have a good support system in place? Have you ever heard the African proverb – it takes a village to raise a child? Well, you might not have a whole village to help you out, but you can’t do everything by yourself either. Before you decide to become a father, you should look around you to see if you and your partner have family members, friends, or a support group that can help you with the pregnancy and upbringing of the child. Your parents are treasure troves of real-world experience, but you could just as easily tap a local parental group to field questions about parenting, especially during the early stages. Essentially, you need two types of support: one for healthcare needs and the other to help with personal issues around the house. ## Do I have close friends and relatives with children? Your interpersonal relationships play a vital role in your overall well-being. A [comprehensive study](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12187) published in the scientific journal *Personal Relationships* from 2017 concluded that friendships are just as important to your health and well-being as family bonds, even more so when you get older. When you have a child, you’ll have less time to spend with your friends and you’ll also have different priorities. That’s why it’s important to align yourself with friends and relatives that also have children. When your close friends and relatives have children, you get a bird’s eye view into their family life. Talk to them and get their advice. They can help you work through your own fears and misgivings about becoming a dad, as well as offer up some helpful tips and tricks. You can also spend more time with them and their kids to gauge how you might feel when spending time with little ones of your own. ## Are my finances in order? There’s no getting around the financial cost of being a father. The [Department of Agriculture](https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/expenditures_on_children_by_families/2015CRCPressRelease.pdf) estimated that in 2015 the cost of raising a child until the age of 17 was $233, 610. Now, that might seem astronomical, but nothing will cost that much all at once.  It’s always been expensive to become a father, but parents have always found a way to make it work. That might mean shopping at a discount store for groceries, or charity shops for clothes, but the cost of parenthood can be managed with some mature decision-making skills. A [Pew Research Center](http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/) study in 2015 found that lower income families have a difficult time providing safe environments and enriching activities for their children. So, start saving your money early and spending less and you’ll avoid becoming a part of that statistic. ## How well do my partner and I communicate? Successful relationships thrive on good communication, doubly so when there’s a child involved. It’s important to discuss how you’re both feeling about the new addition to your family. It’s a decision that you should make together. If there are aspects of the actual birth that make you uncomfortable, then don’t hesitate to mention them. **Related:** [Tips for fathers coaching children](https://guycounseling.com/kids-coaching-team-sports/) Discuss your expectations for each other. If you don’t feel comfortable feeding the baby, then arrange for other ways that you can help. Parenting depends on a rhythm. You wind up doing the same tasks day in and day out. So, you need to communicate with each other about which roles you’ll take on. ## Am I happier lounging at home than going out for drinks with my friends? Stumbling into your living room in the wee hours of the morning should get old at some point. If you enjoy kicking back on the couch and watching a good series on Netflix more than you enjoy having drinks with co-workers and friends, chances are high that you’re starting to settle down. It’s difficult to pinpoint a specific age when this will happen. It varies from guy to guy. When you have a child, you’ll have greater commitments and coming home wasted won’t help you out at all. So, consider whether or not you can sacrifice the party scene before committing to parenthood. ## Do I have a settled career path? Becoming a father touches nearly every aspect of your personal and professional life. You’ll need a steady source of income to handle additional expenses and provide a stable environment for your child’s growth and development. If you’re in-between jobs or still pursuing your education, then it might not be the ideal time to become a parent. Contrary to what you might think, being a dad doesn’t have to negatively affect your career path. In fact, a [survey](https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/how-being-a-dad-affects-your-career-spoiler-it-doesnt/) of 1,000 Canadian fathers found that becoming a father didn’t have negative effects on their careers and 10 percent of the participants reported that they earned more money. ## How good am I with a tool box? Not every man is handy around the house, but it sure does help when you’re having a baby. You’ll need to assemble new furniture and fix all the old furniture that your toddler is certain to break. If you have a sudden urge to hang new shelves or knock out walls, then the chances are high that you’re ready to be a dad. DIY projects are a form of nesting behavior. Mary Dodge, a family therapist from Seattle says “Male nesting is a way for men to feel connected to the pregnancy. It tends to be something physical they can do to feel involved as well as preparing for their role as protector and provider.” ## Am I willing to let someone else be the star of the show? Being a Dad means taking a step back and letting other people become a priority in your life. Before children, you might be the alpha in the relationship and get lots of attention. Believe it or not, that will change. During your partner’s pregnancy, you won’t get much attention at all. If you’re a good man, you’ll be a provider, a punching bag, a sounding board and a constant support for the mother of your child. Your work takes place backstage from now on. When your child is born, even your own parents will look past you to get a snuggle with that little bundle of joy. ## Am I willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the baby and my partner? Before you have children, your life is largely your own. You can take days off, spend your excess cash, and bitch and moan about all the little things in life that bother you. Being a dad requires sacrifice. You might have to work more hours during the pregnancy to afford baby supplies. **Related:** [Best men’s blogs and websites](https://guycounseling.com/best-websites-men/) On average, you’ll get about four hours of sleep a night during the first 6 months of your child’s life. You also won’t get as much intimate time with your partner because her body and mind are under a great deal of stress. Being a dad is a thankless business. You’ll be expected to work twice as hard, and you’ll rarely get a pat on the back. Instead, your reward will giggle and look at you in the morning every day and melt your heart to a mushy puddle. ## What kind of father do I want to be? Lastly, you should think about your own experiences with your father. As a child, you might have noted aspects of his parenting style that you liked or disliked. This is the time to recall those details and determine what type of parent you’ll become. Will your disciplinary style be strict or lenient? What will be the nature of your relationship with the child’s mother? Will you provide an environment that nurtures emotional intelligence, or will you value goal-setting and task completion? This is one of the hardest questions to ask yourself because it brings up complex emotions and memories from your own childhood. This is when you’ll need to slay some demons from your past and look inside yourself for proactive solutions. ## Your New Role If you’re wondering if you’re ready to be a father, then take comfort in the knowledge that you’re not alone. It’s a normal question that every potential father has asked himself, but you shouldn’t dwell on it. Take a proactive approach and ask yourself more targeted questions that will leave you feeling prepared and empowered for fatherhood. If every man waited until he thought he was ready to have a baby, then there’d be no babies. The truth is – you’re never truly ready until it happens. You just have to find a way to adapt to the changes taking place and try to do the best that you can. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Dad, Father, Parenting --- ### [Best New Tech Goodies From CES 2019](https://guycounseling.com/ces-tech-2019-1111/) **Published:** January 11, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![tech](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/tech.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Consumer Tech Show Goodies It’s that one time a year when geek goes mainstream – it’s the Consumer Electronics Show. Last week, the biggest tech companies in the world descended onto Las Vegas to unveil new products with a wow factor that’s on par with a Disney theme park. There were flying cars, lots of robots and a dizzying array of colorful screens on display. Some of it was amazing – like the curved electronic wall display from LG. Some of it was downright weird – we’re looking at you Alexa-enabled smart toilet. If you want to know what tech devices will flood your timeline for 2019, here’s the wrap-up of all the best entries. ***Best Tech from CES 2019*** ## Self-driving Cars This year’s CES could have doubled as an auto show. It seems as if our normal modes of transportation just aren’t good enough anymore and there were plenty of autonomous driving vehicles at CES 2019. At this year’s Consumer Electronics Show, participants were ferried around the event in a self-driving car from Lyft and BMW. All the big automakers had living rooms on wheels that looked like they were ripped off the cover of a science fiction magazine. The interior of Audi’s concept vehicle looked like the bridge of the starship Enterprise. Hyundai debuted a self-driving taxi that can climb stairs and walk on legs, but Bell took home the gold prize with the Nexus air taxi concept vehicle. It was massive, with four VTOL rotors and Tron-like neon lights. Mitch Snyder, Bell’s president and CEO remarked that “As space at the ground level becomes limited, we must solve transportation challenges in the vertical dimension — and that’s where Bell’s on-demand mobility vision takes hold.” Admittedly, all these prototypes and concepts are a few years away from reality, but that didn’t stop automakers from whetting your appetite. ## I, Robot It comes as little surprise that this year’s CES would showcase a few robots. They seem to be the trendiest way to say ***Hi, tech!*** these days. At CES 2019, robots were everywhere. However, robotic designers are steering away from the Terminator fears that Boston Dynamics’ robots inspire and are going for something cuter and more approachable. Enter the Lovot Groove X – a small, furry robot designed to provide love and companionship. You can cuddle your little Lovot to sleep or stare into its big, expressive eyes while you pose for a selfie using its onboard camera. On Monday, January 7th, Samsung led its press conference by unveiling a fleet of four new robots. **Related:** [Can men close the tech gap?](https://guycounseling.com/men-tech-gender-gap/) These aren’t the cute, cuddly kind either. They’re more functional. Samsung’s robots can check your blood pressure, help you buy a new suit, and make sure your personal air quality is top notch. LG wanted in on the robot invasion and showcased a robot of their own named ClOi during the company’s press conference on Monday. Although CLOi might get confused with a garbage can with its polished white exterior and sloped face, LG president I.P. Park insists that “You’ll find her friends at airports assisting travelers, but she’s here tonight to help me with my keynote.” ## Big Screens According to [Statista research](https://www.statista.com/statistics/707084/time-spent-live-tv/), Americans only spent 22.5 hours a week watching actual TV screens in 2018. That number hasn’t deterred big tech companies from developing some of the most impressive display screens the world has ever seen. At CES 2019, LG’s booth was enhanced by a wall-sized, curved OLED screen demo. You could barely take your eyes off it’s undulating colors. LG also had a 65-inch rollable OLED TV that disappeared into its stand and could be summoned again at the touch of a button. Seeing 65-inches of screen roll away on command is a sight that participants aren’t likely to forget. LG, Samsung, Sony and TCL also had ridiculously expensive 8K televisions with the highest possible resolution and price tags to match. We’re talking up to $10,000. Another impressive screen solution came from Samsung. It unveiled a massive 75-inch display that was comprised of micro-LED panels, just like a billboard. Now, who’s going to have that much wall space in the cyberpunk home of the future? ## Amazon vs. Google Amid all the gadgets, robots and cars there was a real war being waged between Amazon Alexa and Google Assistant. Most of these gadgets and devices will employ one or the other as their main user interface and voice assistant. Google landed some big advertising blows by canvasing the entire city. There were ads on the sides of trains, buildings and any other clear space that could fit the name. Google announced that it’s AI-enabled voice assistant will be available on products from Samsung, KitchenAid, and other smart home devices. Amazon countered with Alexa-enabled digital pianos from Roland, smart eyeglasses from Focal, and Kohler’s Alexa-enabled smart toilet. One CES 2019 attendee poked fun at the voice war by tweeting – “To say that Amazon Alexa is everywhere at CES in Las Vegas would be an understatement.” Google might be lagging behind Amazon in product integration with Google Assistant, but they put together a really neat theme park-style ride. The Google Assistant ride slowly dragged attendees through the Google Assistant home of the trendy now complete with two-seater ride cars, animatronics, and bubbly music. Kitchy and expensive – yes. Memorable and Marketable – double yes. ## Smartphones These have long been a mainstay at the Consumer Electronics Show. The foldable phone from LG received much of the spotlight this year. You can read more about the latest foldable phones from our Guy Counseling review “[The Holy Grail of Handheld Tech](https://guycounseling.com/folding-samsung-galaxy-phone/)”. Aside from folding phones, there were quite a few budget level phones at CES this year. For under $100, you’ll be able to buy quality smartphones from Rokit and Alcatel. These phones have Android platforms and 3G networks. 5G smartphones were on hand from Motorola and Samsung, but their details were sketchy and even Samsung kept their 5G-enabled device encapsulated behind a glass display. If you’ve been following tech developments for smartphones in 2018, then nothing that was showcased at CES 2019 will come as a surprise to you. Still, it was a good chance to hold and handle the new foldable phones that will hit US markets as early as Q4 2019. ## Gadgets Galore Peppered in among the big tech companies were countless small devices and gadgets from new and independent tech developers. The NexOptic Double Take is a set of binoculars with a digital LCD display, Quadcore processor and 12-megapixel camera. The Ovis suitcase is an $800 robotic carry-all that uses onboard sensors to follow you around without the need for you to actually do the manual rolling. You can keep your hands free for smartphone scrolling or pointing out landmarks while on your next vacation. The WT2 translator is also a nifty new gadget. It translates voices in real time through an ear piece. So, when someone speaks to you in a foreign language, you’ll hear their response in your own dialect. Perhaps the coolest item of all was just a block of wood. Mui is a voice-enabled plank of wood with hidden LED technology embedded inside that can be used as a digital display. It’s perfect for curing screen fatigue. ## The Takeaway January’s Consumer Electronic Show revealed that more devices are becoming platforms for artificial intelligence. Tech firms are focused on user interface and experience, pushing deeper into your personal life and learning more of your personal preferences along the way. Autonomous vehicles are coming soon…still. Robots are already here, and big tech firms are cramming their voice-enabled chips down everyone’s throats whether you like it or not. Smartphones, tablets and personal computers were almost a no-show, opening the door for different types of technological interfaces. Before we’ve fully understood why we need more personal devices, the market for them is already booming. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Gadgets, Tech --- ### [Pain Management Hypnotherapy](https://guycounseling.com/pain-management-in-chicago-with-hypnotherapy/) **Published:** November 1, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **[![hypnotherapy pain chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/bridge25-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/bridge25-.jpg?ssl=1)** ## **Pain Management and Hypnosis** Are you looking for a natural approach to pain management to help you with a sports injury, rheumatoid arthritis (RA), osteoarthritis (OA) or back problems? According to published [research](http://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/pain-management/tips/hypnosis-for-pain.php), hypnotherapy may prove helpful in ameliorating some of what ails you. In fact, data appearing on the Arthritis Foundation website suggests that nearly 75% of people specifically with arthritis and related health conditions experience some type of pain relief through the hypnotic process. ## **Hypnosis for Pain – Really?** You may be thinking – “Hypnosis for pain – really?” When you understand what hypnotherapy is and what it is not, it becomes easier to understand how it can be helpful. First, it is important to recognize that real hypnosis is nothing like you see on television and in movies. Forget the Svengali-like theatrics, replete with swinging watches and swirling disks. While this kind of imagery may be entertaining, it really isn’t an accurate representation of this natural form relaxation. Be sure to read this extensive [webpage](http://www.natboard.com/index_files/Page476.htm) from the National Board of Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists to learn more about what hypnosis is – and what it is not. ## **Hypnosis and Pain Management Potential Benefits** Hypnosis isn’t about magically convincing you that you don’t have pain. Anyone who suggests that simply isn’t being straight with you. What hypnosis can do is help you better manage your fear and stress so that your central nervous system is not as reactive to pain. ![hypnosis pain management](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/hypnosis-pain-management.jpg?resize=581%2C387&ssl=1) ## **Self-Meditation Takes Times** [Medical Hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/therapeutic-hypnosis-chicago/), which is really a powerful form of mindful meditation, redirects your awareness away from the sensations of pain, thereby minimizing its effects. Part of the process involves teaching you to breathe more productively. During a typical hypnosis session, which lasts somewhere around an hour, the hypnotherapist will encourage you to visualize a relaxing, pleasant place and describe it in detail. Using guided imagery, the hypnotherapist refocuses your mind from something that triggers unwanted, negative emotions to thoughts that will encourage positive feelings, such as walking along a beach or walking through a tranquil forest. In this way, your mind is like a television set, projecting imagery onto a screen.  You have the power to adjust the volume down or up (similar to taking meds for pain), but you also can turn the channel. Visually, you can shift from what is uncomfortable to something more pleasant. Hypnosis is all about the here and now – as in this very moment in time. ## What is Your Background in Hypnosis I am a Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Licensed Psychotherapist. Additionally, I hold special certification in medical hypnotherapy. Lastly, I am a certified meditation instructor. You can learn more about my [bio here](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## What Is The Scope of Your Hypnotherapy Practice? To train clients in the methods of self-hypnosis that research shows can provide mental and physical health benefits. In this way, you are taught new coping skills. **Common Uses for Medical Hypnosis** - Post-surgery pain management - Arthritis - Pain associated with cancer treatments - Sports injuries - Acute and chronic pain - Irritable Bowel Syndrome To see the different uses of medical hypnotherapy, be sure to visit [this page](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2752362/) by the National Institutes of Health. ## **Creative Visualization Example** Let’s say your mind is focused on a placid lake, and you’re aware the sun’s warmth, the gentle coolness of air, the grass at your feet, you’ll be less aware of your pain – and open to the indirect suggestion on how you might react to pain in the future. An example of such a suggestion might sound similar to this: “You will continue to experience the same sensation of pain, but it causes much less distress. You feel much calmer, much more relaxed and less worried.” Many people mistakenly believe that hypnosis is a “one time deal” offering instant results. It doesn’t work that way. Because hypnosis helps to train your mind to relax and better manage stress, it tends to be incremental in nature. Some people require only a few sessions while others require more – like 5 or 10. And it is important to state there are no guarantees. Hypnosis **is not** a replacement for medical treatments offered by your physician or for psychotherapy provided to you by a licensed mental health clinician. It is best to think of hypnotherapy as a tool that you can call upon as part of as part of a comprehensive approach to wellness. When I work with clients, I ask them sign a release so that I can coordinate with their physician. With your doctor’s permission, the hypnotherapy I provide becomes an adjunct to the care you are already receiving. Skill-based in nature, hypnotherapy may afford you the ability to learn new techniques to better manage pain when it becomes intense. Once you learn the techniques and become familiar with its basic concepts, you can call upon it as natural coping tool. At its core, hypnosis is the ultimate form of goal focused, mindful meditation – sometimes referred to as self-hypnosis. Contrary to popular belief, hypnosis is not about mind control. Instead, it’s about self-control. Hypnosis is a normal mental state, which some people describe as a kind of attentional phenomenon. ![hypnosis chicago hypnotherapy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnosis-chicago.png?resize=550%2C371&ssl=1) ## **Do It Yourself Hypnosis** Some professionals who offer hypnosis services to clients provide sound files, like an MP3 or CD. And some people like to make their own “scripts”, which are narrative guides to help them with the pain management process. It all depends upon the person and the unique dynamics at play. Learning self- hypnosis takes time and practice. Perhaps the best time to try this is when you are not experiencing intense pain or when you are feeling less stress. A great book to learn about self-hypnosis is Self-Hypnosis for Dummies by Mike Brandt. If you click on the book title below, you will be take to the Amazon Website where you can learn more. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0470660732&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470660732/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0470660732&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=VSTC325THEH22G7H)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0470660732) ## **Hypnosis and Sports Injuries** Many athletes I know, particularly those who have experienced sports injuries due to excessive over-training, have found that self-hypnosis through mindful meditation during [sports counseling](https://guycounseling.com/sports-athletic-counseling-for-peak-performance-chicago/) for peak athletic performance has helped them the most right after the acute stage of pain ends. With self-hypnosis, an athlete is given a tool to help them feel more empowered to work through what they are experiencing. When a football player for example feels pain, he is able to naturally do something about it in conjunction with sound medical treatments he is receiving through his doctor. What’s more, having [hypnosis as a tool](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2000.10404253#.VjbyPvmrSUk) helps the sports player reduce the stress associated with feeling they have no control over what they are going through. And self-hypnosis itself can help an injured athlete work through feelings of isolation and sadness that often accompany an injury. For example, a basketball player who has injured his MCL may be unable to partake in the sport for a period of time while his leg heals. Self-hypnosis allows the sports player to travel to a tranquil, less stress mental place, which helps to encourage feelings of relaxation and wellness. ## **Final Thoughts** Is hypnosis right for you? That’s up to you to decide. It is important to bear in mind that hypnosis doesn’t work for everyone and it is considered as [alternative form of medicine](http://www.uchospitals.edu/online-library/content=P00185). With that shared, many people have reported a meaningful reduction in pain when they open themselves up to the experience. If you are looking for a natural way to work through pain and ameliorate its impact on your life, learning about self-hypnosis may prove to be very helpful. Should want to know more about the topics of self-hypnosis, mindfulness and potential benefits related to pain management, I encourage you to pick up a copy of the book: *Managing Pain Before It Manages You* by Dr. Caudill. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1593859821&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1593859821/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1593859821&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=D2TB5KM2WI3KCDWB)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1593859821)What I like about this publication are the multitude of natural, holistic approaches offered to help reduce pain, which are designed to work as adjunct approaches to wellness. Another great resource to learn more about hypnosis and other approaches to wellness is the [National Center for Complimentary and Integrative Care](https://nccih.nih.gov/health/hypnosis), through the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Again, use of tools such as hypnosis, meditation, and mindfulness should be thought of as part of an overall, comprehensive approach to pain management in conjunction with care you receive from your doctor. Hypnotherapy is not therapy itself but instead, a tool of therapy. To learn more about pain hypnosis in Chicago, feel free to call Guy Counseling at **773.704.5300**  — Disclaimer: Hypnotherapy and other complimentary alternative medicines should be used as part of a comprehensive approach to wellness. It is not a substitute for medical care provided by a licensed physician and not a replacement for psychological services. If you are in pain, seek out medical care. If you are in crisis or are concerned you might harm yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to your closest emergency room. **Categories:** Hypnotherapy Chicago **Tags:** hypnosis, pain management --- ### [Your Facebook Friends Could Be Making You Sick](https://guycounseling.com/facebook-personal-health-1919/) **Published:** January 9, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![sexy black man selfie facebook](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/sexy-black-man-selfie.jpeg?resize=742%2C494&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Comparing yourself to others on Facebook may influence personal health Do you regularly tap on Facebook to check in with friends? Upon seeing your buds, do you compare your physique to theirs? Do you take note of their selfies? If the answer is yes, you could be making yourself sick. Seriously, no joke. A new study published in the journal [Heliyon](https://www.heliyon.com/article/e00989) suggests that when Facebook is used to make social comparisons, it can create greater awareness of personal health issues. In other words, when your friend posts a picture of his chest gains after pumping iron at the gym, you may become more aware of your physical limitations to lifting weights. Conversely, if a girl you know shares a photo of her flat abs, you may become more aware of your problems with irritable bowel syndrome. “I know I’m guilty of comparing myself to others \[on Facebook\] and that doing so isn’t always a smart idea,” said Richard Sparks, a 24-year old bodybuilder Guy Counseling spoke to about this study. Sparks belongs to several groups on Facebook that are fitness focused. “When a dude starts talking about shoulder gains, I become aware of my torn rotator cuff injury,” he adds. ![selfie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/gym-selfies.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Checking out selfies? Researchers have long since known that social media comparisons can have an adverse effect on self-perceptions and self-esteem. This is particularly true when it comes to [body perceptions](https://guycounseling.com/ashamed-size-equipment/). For this investigation, researchers at the University of Surrey, Guildford surveyed 165 Facebook users and asked them to complete a questionnaire. They were asked about things like social comparison, self-esteem, depression, anxiety, life satisfaction, and physical health. The findings were interesting. Researchers discovered that when participants checked out the pics of friends who were healthier or fitter, the experience activated an increased awareness of personal physical health issues and ailments. Lead study investigator Bridget Dibb, Ph.D. with the School of Psychology at the University of Guilford made the following comments through a press release. “Our most important finding was that participants who feel Facebook is an important part of their lives also report more symptoms, linking social comparison activity with the perception of worse physical health. It is important to study this further as we are yet unclear as to whether comparisons while using Facebook lead to a greater perception of physical symptoms or whether those who already experience physical symptoms tend to compare themselves more on Facebook,” said Dibb. In the past, other studies involving Facebook and social comparisons have revealed disturbing findings. An example can be found in an investigation published in the Journal of Health Communication where it was shown that posting selfies may be [harmful to a friend’s mental health](https://guycounseling.com/gym-selfies-harmful-friends-0222/). **When you scroll through social media apps, do images of friends influence how you feel? Do their pictures cause you to become more aware of your personal health problems?** **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** Facebook, Selfies, Social Media --- ### [Teen Use of Marijuana May Contribute to Adult Anxiety (Study)](https://guycounseling.com/teen-marijuana-adult-anxiety-1819/) **Published:** January 8, 2019 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![teen marijuana](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/smoking-pot-man-smoking-cigarette.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Link drawn between weed and anxiety When you were in high school, did you smoke marijuana? As you grew older, did you develop anxiety? If so, would your condition qualify as an [anxiety disorder](https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/anxiety-disorders#1)? Well, according to a new study that has been released in the journal [Neuropharmacology](https://www.journals.elsevier.com/neuropharmacology), your issues may be linked to smoking weed during adolescents. “We have observed that adolescent mice treated with THC and exposed to stress display impaired fear extinction in adulthood. However, this effect was not observed in animals exposed to these same two factors separately,” said Fernando Berrendero, Francisco de Vitoria University. Marijuana is the most commonly consumed illegal drug worldwide. Its regular use often begins during the teen years, which is especially concerning because it is during this time of life when the brain goes through major changes in development and reorganizes the neuronal synapses. **Related:** [Can weed harm sperm?](https://guycounseling.com/marijuana-harm-sperm-study-1224/) “Our findings highlight the influence of environmental factors such as stress on the harmful effects of the exposure to cannabis during early ages and suggest that the consequences of early cannabis use greatly depend on the environment of its use”, explains Rafael Maldonado, full professor of Pharmacology at UPF. “The presence of stress situations, common among consumers of the substance, may worsen the harmful effects of cannabis”, he concludes. According to a [press release](https://tinyurl.com/y74agc3d) about the study, “Numerous preclinical and epidemiological data suggest that exposure to cannabinoids in adolescents may increase the risk of the onset of psychiatric illnesses in adulthood. The results of the National Drugs Plan show an increase in the consumption of cannabis and a recent review highlights that in recent years the perception of the risk of its consumption has diminished among the young population, from 12 to 17 years of age, the age group discussed in this article.” **Do you think there is a link between teen weed use and the development of anxiety later in life?** **Categories:** News **Tags:** Marijuana, Smoking, Weed --- ### [7 Ways Autogenic Training Promotes Calmer Living](https://guycounseling.com/autogenic-training-benefits/) **Published:** January 7, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![autogenic training](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/man-ocean.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1) ## Learn the benefits of practicing autogenic training Are you looking for natural ways to live a calmer life? Hoping to teach yourself relaxation skills? Trying to avoid pills to keep your anxiety in check? If the answer is yes, you may want to learn about autogenic training (AT). While the term may sound fancy, autogenic training is a relaxation technique designed to encourage inner-peace while lowering stress levels. This approach to calmness was first introduced in 1932 by a German psychiatrist Johannes Heinrich Schultz. He noticed that when hypnotizing people, patients entered a relaxed state where they experienced sensations of mind-body wellness. At its core, AT involves repeating a series of self-affirmations about heaviness and warmth with a focus on different body parts. In this way, a person can positively influence their autonomic nervous system. Like the name implies, *autogenic* means to generate from within. While similar to [progressive muscle relaxation](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/), the two aren’t the same. That’s because autogenic training uses your own suggestions as part of the process. Many people consider AT a form of self-hypnosis. Others think of it as mindful meditation. Regardless, it’s considered best practice to engage in this activity at least once a day over a 21-day period. Here is a link to [A Guide to Psychology](http://www.guidetopsychology.com/autogen.htm) that walks you through the basics of AT. As a resource for learning, I’m also including a video below. Now, let’s move on to 7 ways autogenic training promotes calmer living. ## 1. May reduce social anxiety If you struggle with social anxiety, you already know the difficulty involved with being around large groups. AT may benefit you in several ways. Here’s how: - Helping you to become centered and relaxed before an event. - Creating a mental picture of confidence. - Reducing feelings of panic and stress. ## 2. Increases power in your workouts If you are trying to increase the [power of your muscles](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-a-term-bodybuilders-must-know/) or experience a more mindful workout, AT could give you the extra boost you need. This is accomplished by: - Teaching yourself to regulate breathing. - Encouraging more oxygen flow to your muscles. - Helping you to remain centered and focused prior to working out. ## 3. Ameliorates post traumatic anxiety Have you been through a traumatic event? [Struggling with PTSD](https://guycounseling.com/ptsd-coping-strategies/)? Are you trying to soothe your nerves and calm your mind? If so, AT may be a helpful approach. This is accomplished by: - Training yourself to focus your thoughts on the here and now. - Reducing the “fight or flight” stress response. - Creating a mental inner-sanctum of peace and tranquility. ## 4. Helps with phobias and fears Do you have a phobic response to objects, places or things? When in their presence, does [fear rule](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/)? Should the answer be yes, AT could offer certain benefits. This is accomplished by: - Increasing rational dialogue - Helping to desensitize you to fear-provoking stimuli - Lowering your stress levels prior to exposure therapy ## 5. Lowers blood-pressure Do you have a history of high blood pressure? Has your doctor encouraged you to engage in relaxation techniques? Looking for an easy approach? AT might be a great option to consider, according to [research](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11906-007-0094-3). You may benefit by: - Learning to regulate your heart rate - Training yourself a self-calming technique during times of stress. - Helping to keep your blood pressure low throughout the day. ## 6. Assists with recovery from addiction Are you currently walking the path of sobriety? Need an activity that encourages the mind-body connection? Trying to gain inner strength? If the answer is yes, AT could be exactly what you are looking for. You may benefit by: - Calming yourself during withdraw - Teaching yourself stress-reduction skills - Desensitizing yourself to alcohol or drug-related triggers ## 7. Encourages greater intimacy Do you want to be closer to your mate? Are you trying to encourage more meaning behind touch? Need something natural that works and doesn’t require chemical stimulation? If so, then AT could be your new best friend. This is accomplished by: - Increasing awareness of touch and sound - Focusing your thoughts on the present - Repeating affirmations to yourself that increase self-confidence. In turn, this increases pleasure. ## Learning more about autogenic training I encourage you to learn all that you can about autogenic training. There are many more applications for this approach to wellness that aren’t listed above. For example, AT is also used as a coping tool for pain management. There is a great book available on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2LX5MjA) by Sadigh and Moore on this topic you might want to consider. Remember, if you begin to incorporate AT into your life, aim for regularity. Experts suggest a commitment of 21-days for positive changes to take hold. — **Related Post** [10 ways hypnotherapy helps reduce anxiety ](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Relaxation, stress, zen --- ### [5 Success Hacks for Moving in Together](https://guycounseling.com/moving-living-together-decision/) **Published:** January 4, 2019 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![moving in together](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/moving-in-together.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Thinking of moving in together? Consider these tips Moving in together can be intimidating, especially for guys. Sharing a living space means that you’re ready for a big uptick in the relationship. You’re probably going to be sharing a bathroom. You might have to split some bills. You and your partner are going to be learning things about each other that will challenge your level of commitment. You might be asking yourself – am I ready for all that? Well, life is what you make it, my friends. And cohabitating can have it’s benefits and drawbacks. It’s a complex decision and it’s best to weigh out the pros and cons before you make the big leap. ## 1. Practice Marriage Firstly, living together with your significant other isn’t like a “test marriage”. It’s completely different because the stakes are different. Just because you live together doesn’t mean you can’t break up. Technically, you’re just a step above exclusive dating. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development links pre-marital cohabitation with a higher rate of divorce, infidelity, and stress. Yet, there is an ongoing debate about the veracity of that research. A [counter study](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-science-of-cohabitation-a-step-toward-marriage-not-a-rebellion/284512/) from the Council on Contemporary Families found the NICHHD’s research to be shortsighted. Arielle Kuperberg, the author of the counter study, found that age was the true link between cohabitation and high divorce rates. “What I found was that it was the age you settled down with someone, not whether you had a marriage license, that was the biggest indicator of a relationship’s future success.” Her study concluded that couples who waited until after the age of 23 to move in together cut their likelihood of divorce in half. Another thought to consider is that a person’s behavior while cohabitating isn’t necessarily the same behavior that they’ll exhibit once you get married. Tying the knot, so to speak, is a more permanent bond that expands the relationship beyond simply buying furniture and cooking meals together. Bottom line – don’t view living together as a practice marriage. ## 2. Keeping the Flame Lit Moving in together presents more opportunities for intimacy, but depending on your circumstances, cohabitation can also rob your relationship of its sexual spark. When you’re just dating, you often present yourself to your partner in a finished form. You arrive to the date already dressed up. You can go home when you have an upset stomach. Having your own living space means that you can hide your preparation and retreat to your corner for life’s less pleasant aspects. Having a shared living space means that you get a chance to view each other in totality – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Keeping the romantic flame lit might become more of a challenge when you’ve seen your significant other’s morning face and witnessed what happens when they eat too much spicy Mexican food. There’s also more pressure to maintain the best version of yourself while living in the space that previously was your comfort zone. This can wreck your romance and cause tension in the relationship. In order to keep the flame lit in your cohabitating love life, you should learn to accept every aspect of your partner before you move in together. The fewer surprises – the better. Also, keep “dating” each other. **Related:** [How soon is it to move in together?](https://guycounseling.com/move-together-cohabitation/) Arrange for special occasions such as movie night, living room dance parties, and invite friends over for dinner to emulate the types of activities you enjoyed together before you started sharing a place. Additionally, you need to give each other some breathing room, some time and space to let it all out. If your significant other isn’t having a good day, then don’t pressure them to satisfy your sexual needs. Leave some food in the oven and pay a visit to that friend who hasn’t seen you in a while. This will pay dividends in the bedroom when your significant other is back to top form. ## ![cute black couple holding hands](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/black-couple-holding-hands.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 3. An Eye for Finance If you’re on the fence about living together, then you should carefully consider how you’re going to manage the finances. Are you going to share living expenses evenly? Are you going to get a joint bank account? This might not be a fun discussion between you and your partner, but it is absolutely imperative that you bring this discussion to the table ***before*** you move in together. A 2011 survey conducted by [Relationships Australia](https://www.relationships.org.au/what-we-do/research/australian-relationships-indicators/relationships-indicator-2011) found that financial instability was the number 1 relationship killer. So, don’t become a statistic simply because you didn’t want to have the big talk about money. Living together doesn’t mean that you both have to be great with money. Just find out who is. If your partner is a whiz at managing expenses, then let them take the lead on financial matters. Determine your expected contributions, your projected income, and the best way to manage the flow of money between the two of you. If you can take the guesswork out of your financial relationship, then you can focus less on dollars and cents and more on enjoying each other’s company. Another financial tip is to be patient. Your financial situation will change over time, hopefully for the better. So, what worked in the beginning of your relationship might not hold up over time. Be flexible enough to adjust your financial strategy and be patient enough to allow your money problems to improve. ## 4. Set Boundaries I know what you’re thinking – if my girlfriend moves in with me, what will happen to my Playstation? Well, don’t unplug your baby just yet. Moving in together means that some sacrifices will have to be made, but you get to set boundaries around what aspects of your shared life are off limits. For you, it might mean that you get a few hours of gaming in every day. For her, it might mean that she gets the best counter real estate in the bathroom. Boundaries are important when you’re dating, doubly so when you’re living together. A lack of boundaries can lead to a lack of trust. A lack of trust inevitably leads to the breakdown of your relationship. **Related:** [What if she dumps you and wants you later?](https://guycounseling.com/breakup-reconcile-advice/) Can you leave your smartphone lying around or does your significant other act like Sherlock Holmes every time it rings? Should you ever leave the house without telling your significant other where you’re going? Does the home computer have an open password, or are you clearing your browsing history on a daily basis? You might not think about boundaries when you first decide to move in together, but it’s super important. In general, openness is more favorable to the longevity of the relationship. Set soft boundaries when it comes to personal preferences such as decorations or how you spend your time. Set more rigid boundaries when it comes to privacy and trust. ## 5. Don’t Lose Your Friends One of the biggest concerns for moving in with your partner is their demand for your time and energy. When you share a living space with someone, you might not have any social currency left for your best friends. A [shocking anthropological study](https://www.theguardian.com/science/2010/sep/15/price-love-close-friends-relationship) conducted by researchers at Oxford University found that your romantic relationship displaces two platonic friendships. Robin Dunbar, the author of the study, summarized his findings as “If you don’t see people, your emotional engagement with them drops off and does so quickly.” When you live with your significant other, you need to take care when managing your social interactions. You should speak with your partner about how often your friends can visit. You should do this for both sets of friends – theirs and yours. Your best friend from childhood might be a riot at parties, but your significant other might take offence to his colorful style of humor. It might be best to hang out with that friend when your partner isn’t around. Maintaining and managing those outside friendships can also save your romantic relationship. Friends give you the chance to relieve the pressure of cohabitating because friends are much more tolerant of inconsistent and unflattering behaviors. Friends give you the chance to vent your frustrations in a guilt-free and judgment-free zone, so relationship issues won’t get bottled up. You can depend on them (friends) to be sounding boards for your personal dilemmas, especially if you’re still building up the comfort level with your partner. ## The Takeaway There are different reasons why couples decide to move in together, but there isn’t a rule book on how to make it work. In fact, most professional psychologists and researchers think it leads to increased relationship stress and the likelihood of divorce. That’s largely because people enter into this living arrangement without deciding what they truly want from it. Living together is just seen as the natural next step when you’re dating. It doesn’t have to be, but you can use that time to learn more about your partner. More importantly, you can use that time to learn more about yourself. Ask yourself if you can share your personal space with another human being and allow them to see you in all your facets – your best and worst behaviors without a filter. Remember, you can make this romantic situation work if you balance your intimacy. Keep it hot by continuing to “date” each other regularly but give some space when you or your partner need some alone time. Find out who is better suited to deal with the finances and let them take the lead. You don’t have to write up contracts or agreements if you don’t want to, but make sure that you both have a clear understanding about the financial expectations. **Related:** [My girlfriend says she “needs space”](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-break-space/) Lastly, set soft boundaries around the things that matter least – like kitchen décor. Don’t make it a big deal if it doesn’t have to be. Set more rigid boundaries around things that matter the most such as spending time with your friends and maintaining your privacy. The important thing to remember is that living together is not the natural evolution of your relationship. You don’t have to move in together to feel like the relationship is moving forward. Do it because you truly love your partner and want to deepen your connection with them. When things get rocky (and they will) remember that through flexibility and patience you can strengthen your bond. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Cohabitation, Dating, Love --- ### [Does Working Out at Night Mess with Sleep?](https://guycounseling.com/exercise-night-sleep-1319/) **Published:** January 3, 2019 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bodybuilder exercise night sleep quality](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/body-builder-gym-athlete.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Evening workouts can actually benefit sleep quality If you have been working out for a while, you’ve probably heard that exercising at night is a bad idea. The thinking is that nighttime gym visits rev up your system, making it hard to sleep. But a new Swiss study is pouring cold water on this belief. Yep, that’s right. It’s OK to do cardio and pump iron at night, at least according to researchers at the Institute of Human Movement Sciences and Sport at ETH Zurich. Investigators conducted a metanalysis of 23 studies on the topic. What they found was moderate amounts of exercise within a four-hour window of going to bed does not have a negative impact on sleep. In fact, evening expenditure of energy may even be beneficial. “If doing sport in the evening has any effect on sleep quality at all, it’s rather a positive effect, albeit only a mild one,” said Dr. [Christina Spengler](http://www.epl.hest.ethz.ch/the-group/Team/Prof-Dr-Christina-M-Spengler-Walder.html), Deputy Head of the Exercise Physiology Lab at ETH Zurich. The results from the study support the idea that evening exercise encourages deeper, more meaningful sleep. The findings revealed that after an evening of physical activity, participants spent 21.2 percent of their sleeping time in deep sleep. But after an evening with no exercise, the average “deep sleep” time was just 19.9 percent. **Related:** [Missing sleep may cause weight gain](https://guycounseling.com/missing-sleep-weight-gain-827/) There is an important caveat. Vigorous exercise within an hour of going to bed may cause sleep problems. The analysis shows, however, it is the only type of activity that may present issues. “This preliminary observation is based on just one study,” Spengler said. Guy Counseling spoke to Chicago personal trainer [Mike Elder](https://goo.gl/oN1SxA) about the research and his definition of vigorous exercise. “The findings make a lot of sense. Many people exercise at night because they work during the day. I encourage clients to allow at least two hours after ending their workout and hitting the hey, which seems mostly agree with this study,” says Elder. He goes on to add, “Vigorous exercise would be something like cross-training; an activity that pulls in high-intensity activities and increases heart rate.” Dr. Spengler offers her own thoughts. “As a rule of thumb, vigorous training is defined as training in which a person is unable to talk. Moderate training is physical activity of an intensity high enough that a person would no longer be able to sing, but they could speak,” says Spengler. The important thing is to listen to your body. Because each of us had a [circadian rhythm](https://guycounseling.com/body-clock-mood-515/) (your body clock), it’s important to pay attention to how your system responds to exercise at different times of the day. Jan Stutz, a doctoral student of Spengler’s and lead author of the study shared the following. “Not everyone reacts to exercise in the same way, and people should keep listening to their bodies,” “If they notice they are having problems falling asleep after doing sport, they should try to work out a little earlier.” The research has been published in the [Journal of Sports Medicine](https://www.hindawi.com/journals/jsm/). **Do you exercise at night? Has it had a positive or negative impact on the quality of your sleep?** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Exercise, sleep, Workouts --- ### [Lessons Learned From 80s Cartoon Violence](https://guycounseling.com/80s-cartoons-violence/) **Published:** December 31, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![old vintage television cartoons 80s](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/old-vintage-television-set.jpg?resize=648%2C486&ssl=1) ## Cartoons – then and now Growing up as a boy in the 1980s, my favorite cartoons regularly featured extravagant gun battles, truly evil villains and actual depictions of death. In stark contrast to my own experiences, my son’s favorite cartoons rarely show any forms of violence and nobody ever dies. Before I contemplate introducing him to the traumatic murder of Optimus Prime, I’m compelled to revisit the lessons learned from my exposure to 80s cartoon violence. Before I go into this, it’s important to note that contemporary research links depictions of cartoon violence to early signs of aggression and anti-social behavior in children. The prevalent consensus on cartoon violence is that children who are exposed to it at an early age exhibit more aggressive tendencies while children who watch more affable content turn out to be more sociable. In 2012, a research group from the University of Washington led an in-depth, [6-month trial](http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/131/3/431) that studied 500 families, their children and the types of cartoons that they watched. The researchers found that children imitated what they saw on screen. Children who watched pro-social cartoons like *Dora the Explorer* exhibited a higher level of sharing and cooperative behavior while children who watched violent cartoons like *The Road Runner* displayed more aggressive behavior such as shoving or hitting others. Admittedly, those results are hard for me to digest. In this rare instance, I say – “*science be damned”.* I watched violent cartoons growing up and the idea of grabbing a gun and shooting my fellow classmates was incomprehensible. Yet, that’s the reality that my son is faced to live in today. For me, the depicted violence of the cartoons I watched as a child was never something to be emulated. Yet, I did learn a great deal about the meaning of life. Two of my favorite cartoons growing up in the 80s were *G.I. Joe* and *Transformers*. I watched them both religiously every Saturday morning and the animated movie versions of these cartoons were engrained onto my psyche. Here’s why – they were absolutely terrifying and traumatic. ## ***The Transformers: The Movie (1986)*** When I was 7 years old, my Mom took my cousins and I to see the animated *Transformers* movie on the big screen. I was beyond ecstatic. The movie had this pulse-pounding heavy metal soundtrack, jaw-dropping animation, and voice contributions from Orson Welles, Leonard Nimoy, and Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime – the leader of the Autobots. Every Transformer you could think of made at least one onscreen appearance. I was geeked! Almost immediately, the movie took a dramatic turn for the worst. In the opening sequence, Megatron and his Decepticons hijacked an Autobot shuttle returning to base. Megatron transformed into a handgun, shouted “Die, Autobots!” and proceeded to kill four of the most popular characters. See it for yourself – [Transformers Shuttle Attack Scene](https://youtu.be/umwZ8qVorwo) Before I could even recuperate, Megatron landed on Earth and killed Optimus Prime in a vicious one-on-one battle. Just like that, my whole world was shattered. Optimus Prime was the hero of all heroes and he was dead. A new hero, Roddimus Prime, had to rise to take his place and he eventually led the Autobots to a decisive victory. ***What I Learned*** - Everybody dies, even the good guys, and even the hero isn’t safe from violence. - Death can happen suddenly, and it can happen to the people that matter the most in your life. - Life goes on. The struggle goes on, and new heroes must rise to take the place of their predecessors. - Evil can’t be ignored. It must be confronted. *The Transformers* movie was a violent action romp through space that critics wouldn’t find suitable for children today. I’ve watched it dozens of times as a child and as an adult. I find its violence to be appropriate for the lessons and themes that it attempted to convey. My lasting impression of the film was that its creators were ambitious enough to tackle such difficult subjects as the death of a parental figure and the threat of unrelenting evil. These themes are glaringly absent in nearly all contemporary cartoons. ## ***G.I. Joe – The Movie (1987)*** A year after the *Transformers* animated movie was released, Hasbro launched the much-anticipated *G.I. Joe* cartoon movie straight to video. Needless to say, my Mom was less than enthusiastic about me watching another big budget animated movie. Yet, my cousins and I piled onto the living room couch and watched it all the same. As expected, the G.I. Joe movie poured on the violence in double portions. No-name Joes in fighter jets were shot down by enemy laser turrets. Unseen Cobra soldiers were blown to bits in tanks and armored cars. Blue and red laser beam fire was traded back and forth in an orgiastic display of military might. That wasn’t so surprising, but in an unexpected twist, *G.I. Joe – The Movie* was awash in powerful displays of symbolism. The Joes represented American individualism with their distinctive clothing, tattoos and colorful personalities while the Cobra terrorist fighters took on an almost satanic quality with their snake-like appearance, biological weapons, and brutal fascist politics. That was some pretty heavy subject matter for a 7-year-old to digest. The familiar bad guy, Cobra Commander, was transformed into a half-human, half-snake monster by an even more wicked villain, Serpentor. And then, there was the final battle which witnessed the bad guy transform a serpent into a spear and strike down Duke, the leader of the G.I. Joes. Mercifully, Duke is only sent into a coma, but he’s never seen again. In the original script, Duke dies. Here it is – [Duke’s Death in G.I. Joe – The Movie](https://youtu.be/p68NnHRKF2M) ***What I Learned*** - You can’t shoot guns at people without someone getting seriously hurt. - Behind every bad guy is an even worse bad guy. There are levels to evil. - Sometimes, people need to sacrifice their own lives for the greater good. - In life, things get scary, but I’m stronger than I think. I can take it. Looking back on *G.I. Joe – The Movie*, I’m amazed by its capacity to unnerve. It dealt with some extremely mature and complex themes such as fascism, terrorism, and satanism. By today’s standard, this cartoon film would have never been greenlit or marketed to children. The images of this movie stayed with me all my life and rest side-by-side in my mind next to definitive symbols of evil and wickedness. ## **My Son’s Favorite Cartoons** Today’s cartoons have much less violence, far fewer brushes with life-threatening danger, and less potent villains. One of my son’s favorite cartoons is *Blaze and the Monster Machines*. The villain of this story is a monster truck named Crusher who always cheats. He’s more of a prankster who the protagonist tolerates and chides with an overwhelming amount of positive values such as teamwork and fair play. Another one of my son’s favorite cartoons is *Yu-Gi-Oh!* In this cartoon, a young boy named Yugi uses stylized playing cards to summon monsters and magical spells. He faces off against dark and mysterious villains in arena-style bouts where sometimes-gruesome, sometimes-cute monsters engage in mock battles. **Related:** [Superheroes influence behavior more than you think](https://guycounseling.com/superman-psychology-study-1126/) I sincerely hope that the scientific research is sound on this one and that my son is learning how to be more cooperative and more sociable. Yet, in the back of my mind, I fear that he might be missing out on some of those hard lessons that I learned from the violent cartoons of the 1980s. When I look back at what I learned from the Transformers and G.I. Joe animated movies, I’m hard-pressed to find similar cartoons for my son. His favorite cartoons are unrealistic, preachy and watered-down. Maybe today’s children don’t need violent cartoons to teach them the hard lessons of life. After all, the world is a dangerous place, even for young children. Perhaps the lessons that kids of the 80s needed to learn no longer apply to this generation. The narrative has changed. I learned about sacrifice, the dangers of violence, and the ever-present threat of evil from cartoons. My son’s generation will learn those same lessons from real life experiences. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Cartoons, Dad, Fatherhood, Superheroes --- ### [2019 Kia Sportage vs 2019 Toyota RAV4](https://guycounseling.com/2019-kia-sportage-toyota-rav4/) **Published:** December 29, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![open road suv comparison kia vs. toyota](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/open-highway-driving.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Introduction to Small SUVs Small SUVs, sometimes called [compact crossovers](https://www.autotrader.com/car-shopping/suv-vs-crossover-whats-difference-215843), are the trendiest vehicles on the market. They have funky, unique style elements but sometimes fall short on functionality. Not many small SUVs can deliver on the utility aspect of their namesake. They’re more fuel-efficient and versatile though, which make them ideal choices for guys who normally cruise the city but might entertain the notion of an off-road excursion on the weekends. ## Exterior Style The 2019 Kia Sportage has a smooth, contoured design that unapologetically borrows from its German competitors. The profile is striking, but the front end is a bit polarizing. It has a stub-nosed, tiger-like grille that you’re bound to either love or hate. The Sportage is only 176.4 inches long. That’s four inches shorter than the RAV4. The stubby body design of the Sportage is elevated with roof rails, a rear spoiler and 19-inch chrome wheels on the Turbo model. The power liftgate opens high and you can easily access the rear compartment. With the Sportage you have a simple, curvaceous body that doesn’t rely on visual gimmicks. The 2019 Toyota RAV4 is certainly the belle of the ball when it comes to exterior style. It’s wide and long for a compact crossover and has more cuts and angles than an origami swan. **Related:** [Kia Soul EV reviewed](https://guycounseling.com/kia-soul-2019-review-1121/) The front is muscular and athletic. It features a two-level grille that’s shared with the Toyota Tacoma and the 4Runner. There are several exterior paint palettes. You can also find the RAV4 with a two-toned, contrasting color design. The Adventure model trim has an upturned front skid plate, but it’s just for show. Unfortunately, that skid plate isn’t functional. The Adventure model also gets a distinctive front grille, large roof rails and chunky fenders. https://www.instagram.com/p/Br-84usheBa/ ## Interior Comfort The 2019 Kia Sportage makes good use of its interior space. It has 129.3 cubic feet to work with. By comparison, the 2019 Toyota RAV4 falls a bit short with only 98.9 cubic feet for its passengers. Both the Kia Sportage and the Toyota RAV4 can be outfitted with a panoramic sunroof ceiling that adds to the roominess of the vehicle. The Kia Sportage favors the front row occupants with available heated and ventilated seats that can be adjusted with up to 10 different settings. The Toyota RAV4 has a lower roofline though which makes sitting comfortably in the front seats a bit challenging. You’ll only get about 37 inches of headroom there, but the Sportage offers a bit more than 39 inches. The RAV4 has about 57 inches of cargo space in the back and features split folding seats. The Kia Sportage wins out with 60 inches of cargo space. Where the RAV4 shines is with higher trims and the use of quality synthetic materials. The Adventure model has these rugged-looking (yet totally comfortable) seats and orange plastic inlays that echo the toughness of the vehicle’s exterior design. The SofTex bucket seats on the Limited are plush and comfortable and look good when paired with a genuine leather-wrapped steering wheel and shifting knob. The 2019 Kia Sportage actually offers leather seats though, which are surprisingly missing on the RAV4. You can choose between gray, black or brown leather on the Turbo SX Sportage. With matching color inlays, the Sportage rises to a level of near-luxury. If you squint your eyes, you might be able to fool yourself into thinking you’re riding in a premium European crossover. ## Safety Features The 2019 Kia Sportage has plenty of advanced safety features available, but you won’t find them for an MSRP of $23,750. The 2019 Kia Sportage LX gets a rearview camera, a full complement of airbags, a suite of electronic stability systems, and child safety locking doors. That’s about it. The type of safety features that are making headlines on new vehicles such as rear cross traffic alerts, lane change assist and blind spot detection aren’t available on the LX. The 2019 Sportage EX has those features, but to get the best safety features all on one vehicle, you’ll have to opt for the pricy, turbo-charged SX. It even comes with emergency braking, lane departure warnings, parking assist, and an electronic e-brake. When it comes to safety, the 2019 Toyota RAV4 is a bit more generous. Every RAV4 comes with the Toyota Safety Sense suite. It’s a package deal that bundles pedestrian detection, lane departure alerts, road sign assist, automatic high beams and other useful safety features. **Related:** [Toyota Prius reviewed](https://guycounseling.com/toyota-prius-2018-review/) You get a three-year subscription to a roadside assistance service and a rearview camera. You can even integrate a panoramic camera that gives you a 360-degree view of the vehicle’s exterior. The high-end Limited edition comes with blind spot monitoring, rear cross traffic automatic braking, and a pretty nifty anti-theft system. All the safety equipment from the 2019 Kia Sportage are found on the RAV4, most of which are standard offerings on every vehicle. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bhbz5DDAWH\_/?utm\_source=ig\_web\_copy\_link ## Onboard Technology The 2019 Kia Sportage doesn’t offer much onboard technology for the base model. It’s better to just skip ahead to the mid-level EX. You’ll get to swap out that tiny 5-inch display screen for a more reasonable 7-inch display. The Sportage is a driver-centric vehicle. It’s rather old school with steering wheel controls and lots of buttons on the center console to control everything from climate control and voice calling to audio settings and navigation. Apple CarPlay and Android Auto aren’t standard features, but at least they’re available. That’s good news for the Sportage. Other standout tech features include a premium sound system, a USB charging station, trip computer and push button start. Once again, the 2019 Toyota RAV4 goes a bit further than the Sportage on the base model. Even if you drop $22,500 MSRP on the LE model, you still get a 7-inch touchscreen, Bluetooth, and Apple CarPlay. Plus, you get all those other standard features that were listed for the Kia Sportage. Toyota throws in starter subscriptions to a Verizon 2G Wi-Fi, voice recognition, Scout GPS, Siri Eyes Free interface, and a much better JBL Audio system for the higher-level trims. To put the nail in the coffin, there are technology packages that can be added to each RAV4. These packages have smart key and remote access for all doors, the bird’s eye view monitoring system and a wireless charging station for your portable tech devices. ## Performance Capabilities The LX and EX models of the 2019 Sportage come equipped with a 2.4 Liter, inline four-cylinder engine. It’s capable of reaching 181 horsepower and 175 lb. ft. of torque. For a substantial leap on the price tag, you can upgrade to the SX Turbo. It’s got much more power under the hood with its 2.0 Liter, turbo-charged inline four. Now, the 2019 Kia Sportage looks more competitive with 240 horsepower and 260 lb. ft. of torque. Both engine options are managed by an electronically-controlled 6-speed automatic transmission and a simple all-wheel drive setup is optional on all models. The 2019 Toyota RAV4 has just one engine option – a nimble 2.5 Liter, inline four that produces 203 horsepower and 184 lb. ft. of torque. A responsive 8-speed transmission is standard on all models and like the Sportage, you can choose all-wheel drive for all models. Unlike the Kia Sportage, the RAV4 has two all-wheel drive setups. The first is a basic design that automatically transfers power to the wheel with the best traction. The other option comes with the Adventure and Limited models of the RAV4. It uses advanced braking and torque vectoring to offer more control in slippery conditions. Toggling between Sport, Eco, and Normal driving modes helps to give exceptional fuel economy to the 2019 Toyota RAV4. It’s rated at 26 MPG in the city and 35 on the highway. The 2019 Kia Sportage has the same driving modes but only gets 23 MPG for the city and 30 MPG on the highway. When equipped with turbo power and all-wheel drive, those numbers sink even further – down to just 20 MPG in the city and 23 on the highway. Both SUVs aren’t leading the pack with their off-road capabilities. Yet, they do make valiant attempts when equipped with all-wheel drive.  The RAV4’s off-road model, the Adventure trim, looks the part but performs just marginally better than other RAV4 models. It has a slightly higher ground clearance, an interior display just for managing the all-wheel drive system and a terrain selector with settings for rock, dirt, mud and snow. It does boast a 3500 lb. towing capacity though – pretty impressive. The 2019 Kia Sportage doesn’t have a dedicated off-road trim. So, the all-wheel drive Turbo SX would be the best choice for excursions that depart from the beaten path. It has more power and curb weight than other Sportages. All the 2019 Kia Sportages have a 2,000 lb. towing capacity, so don’t try to haul anything too large. ## At the Finish Line These small SUVs are so different. The 2019 Kia Sportage encapsulates you in a comfortable interior, but the 2019 RAV4 from Toyota sacrifices some interior refinery for a more stylish exterior. The Sportage has all the right safety features available for a higher price, but Toyota throws all those same features and more into a standard package for all RAV4s. The same is true for the tech stuff. Toyota goes the extra distance and gives up the goods right away. The Sportage just seems a bit stingy. The Kia Sportage would gain a huge boost if it made the SX Turbo’s 240 horsepower engine the base model, but it’s reserved for a higher price tag. Both the RAV4 and the Sportage have available all-wheel drive. That’s an important equalizer, but the Sportage delivers terrible fuel economy – just 23 MPG in the city. Neither of these vehicles are off-roaders though. The RAV4’s Adventure model looks the part, but it’s just for looks. The fake skid plate is almost inexcusable. In the end, it all comes down to value. The 2019 Kia Sportage doesn’t get competitive until you consider the $33,000 SX Turbo. On the other hand, the 2019 Toyota RAV4 offers a wealth of features at the entry level – a starting cost of just $22,500. When you upgrade the RAV4 with additional features and options, you get a vehicle that that Kia Sportage just isn’t capable of beating at any price point. RAV4 for the win. **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** automobiles, cars, KIA, Toyota --- ### [Are Emotions Shared Online Contagious?](https://guycounseling.com/online-emotions-study/) **Published:** December 28, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![facebook social media](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/social-media-facebook.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Emotions and the online world For people born after the mid-1990s, so-called Generation Z, one of the most sought-after jobs is online influencer. Social media influencers get paid for promoting certain products or companies online. According to the [*Financial Times*](https://www.ft.com/content/fc964254-155f-11e7-b0c1-37e417ee6c76), “an influencer with 100,000 followers on Instagram can charge around $2,700 for a single photo or video.” High level earners, the best social media influencers, have the power to sway your emotions and actions. A new study published in [*Social Psychological and Personality Science*](https://journals.sagepub.com/home/spp) found that vloggers (people who make social media video content) act as mirrors for our emotional state and we seek out influencers who share our emotional outlook on life. Literally, their emotions are contagious. The research focused on YouTube video creators who had a minimum of 10,000 subscribers. Some of the test subjects had millions of subscribers. People watch a lot of YouTube videos, nearly 5 billion videos a day. So, analyzing that particular mode of social media currency tells you a lot about how people interact with each other online. There have been other studies that focused on written content from sites like Twitter and Facebook, but this was the first study to look at the effects of video on our emotions. The research team looked closely at the words, actions and feelings being conveyed by the most popular vloggers. Then, they studied the comments and engagements being left by users. **Related:** [Would you be OK with a robotic caretaker?](https://guycounseling.com/caregiver-robot-1123/) They found two intriguing correlations. There was an immediate effect on users’ emotions. They lined up almost perfectly with the emotions being conveyed by the vlogger. The second effect was more sustained. The users exhibited signs of homophily. That’s a psychological term that refers to the “birds of a feather flock together” effect. Users formed deep connections with vloggers who shared their values and beliefs. The lead author of the study, Hannes Rosenbusch from Tilburg University summarizes the study results. “Our research is a reminder that the people we encounter online influence our everyday emotions – being exposed to happy (or angry) people can make us more happy (or angry) ourselves. Our social life might move more and more to the online sphere, but our emotions and the way we behave towards one another will always be steered by basic psychological processes,” summarizes Rosenbusch. Some people might think that a glut of social media communication actually leaves people less connected to each other in the real world. Yet, this study seems to offer a more nuanced interpretation of our online social interactions. We’re using technology, but we’re exhibiting basic principles of social psychology. Yet, how are social media influencers able to touch people on such a deep, emotional level? [Nahla Summers](http://www.nahlasummers.com), a professional life coach and studier of personal behavior, seems to put her finger on the answer. “If you look at some of the key videos that have gone viral recently, they will be about human connection. Ironically in a world where we are living with less human connection we are so often moved and connected through social media by stories of human connection,” she notes. No matter the medium, people have a deep-seated longing for personal connection. We seek out people, digital arenas and online content that reinforces our world view. This psychological need is being harnessed by online marketers through social media influencers. MacEwen Patterson is a branding and content expert with the [Digital Niche Agency](http://www.digitalnicheagency.com/). Guy Counseling got a chance to ask him to weigh in on this topic and he seems to think that vloggers can amplify emotions through top-notch production value. He says that “with the means of production democratized into the hands of the prosumer, the average story quality improves, and the number of relatable stories increases. Rather than only having access to workshopped, formulated media, people can now tell the stories of their lives to one another with as much production value as an MGM musical from the 1920s (well, almost).” If you’ve ever been brought to the brink of tears by a sad video on YouTube, then you know that there is truth to this new study. Emotions leak through our computer screens and vloggers are getting better and better and harnessing this power. **Related:** [Impulsive decision making linked to Facebook use](https://guycounseling.com/impulsive-behaviors-facebook-link/) Marketers are getting wiser to the power of social psychology, as well. That’s not necessarily a bad thing either. The good news is that people haven’t lost their capacity for empathy, even though we’re glued to our smartphones, tablets and computer screens. **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** research, Social Media --- ### [Cutting Back on Alcohol May Help You Stop Smoking](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-smoking-cessation-1228/) **Published:** December 28, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![alcohol, booze, cigarettes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/booze-alcohol-whiskey.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Reducing Alcohol May Help You Quit Cigs Are you thinking of quitting smoking in the new year? Hoping to increase your chances of staying quit for as long as possible? If so, you might want to reduce your alcohol intake. Yep, that’s right. Dialing back on the booze may help boost your smoke-free goals. That’s because a new study published in the *[Journal of Nicotine and Tobacco Research](https://academic.oup.com/ntr/advance-article-abstract/doi/10.1093/ntr/nty265/5250675?redirectedFrom=fulltext)* draws a link between alcohol use and smoking cessation efforts. If you think that research is all about the psychological connections between tobacco and alcohol use, think again. Nope, this study gets into the nitty-gritty science and assesses something called the nicotine metabolite ratio (NMR) – a biomarker that indicates how quickly a person’s system processes nicotine. So, what’s going on? We know from previous lines of research that folks with higher nicotine metabolism levels are more prone to smoke – and have a tougher time quitting. Apparently, reducing alcohol intake helps to slow that metabolic rate and therefore makes the smoking cessation process easier. Well, at least that’s what the research suggests. **Related:** [Can marijuana mess you your sperm?](https://guycounseling.com/marijuana-harm-sperm-study-1224/) While the number of smokers in the United States has dropped significantly in recent years, current data suggests the use of alcohol with cigarettes is still common. How common? Try 1-5 people. Back to the study. Investigators observed the NMR rates for 22 daily smokers who also struggled with problemed drinking. What they found was when the guys reduced their alcohol intake \[from an average of 29 drinks per week to 7\], they experienced meaning declines in their NMR ratios. In turn, this caused less smoking. Sarah Dermody, the study’s lead author and an assistant professor at Oregon State University shared the following comments in a press release. “It takes a lot of determination to quit smoking, often several attempts. This research suggests that drinking is changing the nicotine metabolism as indexed by the nicotine metabolite ratio, and that daily smoking and heavy drinking may best be treated together.” Guy Counseling talked to Dr. John Moore, a licensed psychotherapist and board-certified alcohol and drug counselor about the study to get his impressions. Moore is also the editor of this site. “We’ve known for a long time there is a strong psychological link between cigarette use and drinking in social settings. This new study helps to add to our body of knowledge about smoking cessation and alcohol intake.” Moore goes on to add, “The decision to stop smoking is a deeply personal one. It’s important for people who are quitting to create a comprehensive plan well in advance. This may mean making the decision to dial back on alcohol use because it can impair judgment and serve as a behavioral trigger. And according to this new study, drinking also can have an impact on physiological factors related to quitting,” Moore said. **Related:** [Does Quit Tea help stop smoking?](https://guycounseling.com/quit-tea-help-stop-smoking-rip-off/) Does this mean you should give up the booze entirely if you are trying to stop? Not exactly. Dr. Greg Harms, a licensed psychologist who works with nicotine addiction, shared the following insights: “Cutting back alcohol use, particularly during those first couple of months after stopping, may be the best approach. What doesn’t help people is when they feel like they have to give up everything at once, which can make them feel penalized. Moderation is key,” says Harms. Well, there you have it guys. If your goal is to stop smoking, less whiskey, beer and wine might help to boost your chances at success. **Have you successfully quit smoking? If so, did you reduce your alcohol intake?** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Alcohol, Booze, Cigarettes, Quit Smoking --- ### [Can Smoking Marijuana Harm Your Sperm?](https://guycounseling.com/marijuana-harm-sperm-study-1224/) **Published:** December 24, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![man smoking marijuana](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/man-smoking.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Study suggests regular marijuana use may negatively impact male fertility Marijuana research. It seems like a new study comes out with each new week heralding the benefits of cannabis use. Many of the studies point to how marijuana can help to ameliorate pain. Other lines of research grab headlines, such as cannabis compounds having [anti-cancer benefits](https://goo.gl/qEqzuN). But a recently released study suggests all that glitters isn’t gold. That’s because investigators at Duke University found tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the main psychoactive constituent in pot, may lower sperm counts. Translation: Smoking weed *may* reduce a person’s chances of having children. The research has been published in the [Journal Epigenetics](https://www.tandfonline.com/toc/kepi20/current). Before we get too far into the study, it’s important to state from the outset that this investigation used a very small sample size of just 24 men. ![black man smoking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/black-man-smoking.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) That said, one of the co-authors of the investigation, Scott Collins, Ph.D., a professor in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke, made the following statement: “What we have found is that the effects of cannabis use on males and their reproductive health are not completely null, in that there’s something about cannabis use that affects the genetic profile in sperm.” **Related:** [Men who wear boxers have higher sperm counts](https://guycounseling.com/guys-boxers-sperm-count-812/) In this study, researchers assessed the sperm of regular 420 users (defined as those who smoked weekly) for the previous six-month period. Their sperm was compared to other guys who had not toked during the same period or more than ten times over the course of their lifetimes. So, what did investigators discover? Essentially, the higher amounts of THC found in urine, the more pronounced the genetic changes to their sperm. Obviously, the findings aren’t conclusive. More research needs to be conducted to make any generalizations. Still, one of the study’s co-authors, Susan Murphy, offered the following in a [statement](https://corporate.dukehealth.org/news-listing/exposure-cannabis-alters-genetic-profile-sperm): “In the absence of a larger, definitive study, the best advice would be to assume these changes are going to be there,” said Murphy. “We don’t know whether they are going to be permanent. I would say, as a precaution, stop using cannabis for at least six months before trying to conceive.” Well, there you have it folks. According to this investigation, regular use of 420 may interfere with your chances of having kids. **What do you think of this study? Assuming you smoke weed, will the findings change influence your behaviors?** **Categories:** Mind, News, Science **Tags:** 420, Marijuana, Sperm, Weed --- ### [12 Things People With PTSD Should Do Each Day](https://guycounseling.com/ptsd-coping-strategies/) **Published:** December 23, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![ptsd coping strategies](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/man-breakup.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Daily tips if you live with PTSD Are you struggling with [PTSD](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml)? Have you endured a traumatic event that has caused difficulties in your life? Looking for effective coping strategies to help you work through? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. While the numbers are somewhat scattered, current estimates suggest approximately thirteen million Americans live with this anxiety disorder. If you have been diagnosed with PTSD, you already know about its debilitating effects. What follows are twelve small things you can do each day to encourage wellness. Some of these may sound silly. Others might cause you to pause and think. That’s OK. Read them all to get the most from the experience. ## 1. Use body awareness When you wake up in the morning and your brain starts rattling off a “To Do” list, take a deep breath. Then, focus your awareness on your body. Using your sense of sight, touch, and sound, identify what’s going on around you. This can help you avoid feelings of panic and doom. ## 2. Engage in daily gratitude Find something – no matter how small – to be grateful for. Examples being grateful for a close friendship or giving thanks for the support of a family member. Gratitude helps to train your mind to focus on the positive instead of the negative. ## 3. Get in a dose of humor Read your favorite comic strip or find a silly meme page on social media. You can even download apps that are designed to help you get your funny on. The goal is to laugh and get outside of your head. ## 4. Carry fruit with you PTSD is considered an anxiety disorder. As a way of coping, you may turn to nervous eating as a way of coping. In turn, this can translate into scarfing down whatever is in front of you, even if it’s unhealthy. As an alternative, consider carrying fruit with you, like apples or pears. Not only are these types of snacks good for you, they also deliver important vitamins to your body. ## 5. Practice progressive muscle relaxation One of the best ways to promote inner-calmness is to engage in progressive muscle relaxation (PMR). By doing so, you train your body to cope with anxiety in healthy, meaningful ways. PMR doesn’t take long – just five or ten minutes. You can learn more about this relaxation technique by [visiting this body scan article](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). ## 6. Lean into your PTSD When you are feeling anxious, don’t try to pretend your emotions don’t exist. Instead, lean into your nervousness and use it to your advantage. Wash your car by hand or clean out the garage. The idea is to do something constructive that benefits you in the long run. When you embrace your emotions, they paradoxically become less intense. Here are [10 smart ways to cope with fear and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/). ## 7. Reduce or avoid alcohol intake Let’s be real. Alcohol can have a calming effect. The reason is simple – it’s a central nervous system depressant. But did you know that too much alcohol can ramp up your anxiety? Yep, it’s true and over the course of time, it can make you feel worse. If you are having more than a few drinks a week, consider cutting back. Doing so may help you stay calmer over the long run and de-intensify panic when it rears its ugly head. ## 8. Focus on one thing at a time When you are living with PTSD, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. This is particularly true when tasks start to pile up and it triggers your anxiety. One of the best things you can do is to simply focus on one thing at a time. This means giving yourself permission to let the other things wait. ## 9. Spend time in nature Do you spend time outdoors on a regular basis? If the answer is no, maybe you should. That’s because research tells us that being around nature has [restorative and healing](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/) effects. No need to pack for a camping trip to make this happen. You can simply go for a hike at your local nature preserve or sit on a bench at an outdoor park. ## 10. Cut back on the coffee If you are drinking multiple cups of java each day, consider cutting back. As you probably know, caffeine is a stimulant. Do you really need to be charged up more than you already are? As an alternative, try switching to a 50/50 blend. Doing so will help you get in your coffee fix without feeling like something is being taken away from you. ## 11. Get in physical activity One of the safest, most effective ways to cope with anxiety is to engage in physical activity. We know from [medical research](https://europepmc.org/abstract/med/17725082) that moving the body helps to encourage a sense of calmness and teaches the mind how to de-stress. No need to become a bodybuilder. Simple weight bearing exercises with dumbbells or resistance bands can do wonders. You can also go for a long walk or jog on a treadmill. Like most things in life, moderation is key. ## 12. Don’t be ashamed of your PTSD When you try to fool yourself into thinking your PTSD doesn’t exist, you engage in the psychological distortion of denial. While this may work temporarily, it can make things worse in the long run. Instead, learn to accept that PTSD is part of your life. This is a [core component](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). By accepting PTSD, its grip lessens and so does the accompanying shame. ## Wrap Up If you live with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, it’s important to engage in self-care. This means choosing things that nurture your mind, body, and spirit. If you are looking for other practical things you can do to help yourself, consider picking up a copy of the PTSD Workbook by therapists Williams and Poijula ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2BA2YEm) ). Inside, you’ll find many different activities and exercises designed to encourage healing. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, PTSD --- ### [How to Challenge and Change Negative Thinking](https://guycounseling.com/change-negative-thinking/) **Published:** December 20, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![negative thinking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/chicago-college-student.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Negative thoughts – a closer look Everyone thinks negative thoughts. Part of being human is worrying about the future or feeling guilty about the past; there’s nothing wrong with that. A constantly positive and upbeat person would actually be hard to live with. But many people’s [negative thinking](http://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/1995-40577-001.html) feels out of control. Their future seems bleak and they feel unable to escape from their past mistakes. They feel unwanted and unlovable. If that sounds like you, then you can begin challenging those negative thoughts. First of all, ask yourself, “Is this a fact or a feeling?” If you spend time ruminating over the mistakes you made in the past, what are you doing? Are you reflecting on what you did, or are you getting caught up in feelings of regret, guilt or shame? When you consider the future, are you looking at probable (or even possible) events, or are you getting lost in fear and anxiety? Listen when you talk about yourself. Are you making statements of fact, such as “I’m overweight”, or are you expressing feelings, e.g. “I feel fat”? Be careful! Some statements that sound like facts, for instance, “I’m ugly”, are in fact feelings – “I’m ugly” is actually saying “I am unhappy with my appearance.” Next, remind yourself that feelings change. However, you feel today, you’ve felt differently in the past; you’ll feel differently again in the future. Even people with chronic [anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-fear-cope/) can have treatment that helps them feel better; the saddest people still have good days sometimes. This isn’t a guarantee that you’re going to have fewer negative thoughts, but it’s an important way to challenge them. If you can say to yourself, “This is not a fact, it’s a feeling, and feelings change,” then you’ll take an important step towards breaking the power of your negative thoughts. But what if your negative thinking is based on facts, not feelings? What if you are genuinely alone? What if you’ve done horrible things in the past, or if you know that your future will definitely contain abandonment and loss? There’s no point in denying facts, but you can still make a difference if you understand the way that your brain works. There’s always too much going on for your conscious brain to process. If you were aware, all the time, of everything that you see, hear, smell, touch, feel, think and remember, you’d never be able to function. As a way of getting around this, your mind makes some assumptions about the world and then disregards a lot of the information it receives. Most of the time this system works well, but when it doesn’t, the result is what psychologists call a cognitive bias. There are lots of cognitive biases, but three of them are important in understanding negative thinking. Negativity bias, unsurprisingly, is behind a lot of negative thinking. Because of the way your brain works, negative experiences seem more important than positive ones. From the point of view of evolution, this makes sense. It was useful for your distant ancestor to remember which plants were good to eat, but it was essential to remember which plant killed a member of the family. Unfortunately, this means that your modern brain will remember negative ideas and experiences much more easily too. ![Reducing Cognitive Distortions](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnotherapy-chicago-homework.jpg?resize=499%2C353&ssl=1) This is linked to another cognitive bias, known as the availability heuristic. Put simply, this means that you’ll think that something is more likely if it’s something that you think about often. When this is coupled with the negativity bias, you find yourself in a vicious circle of negative things seeming more important, and therefore appearing more likely to happen, so seeming more threatening and therefore more important to think about. The final cognitive bias that compounds your negative thinking is called confirmation bias. This is often used to explain why scientists see the results they were expecting from experiments, but in fact, it’s true in all sorts of circumstances. Racists are more likely to notice people from ethnic minorities doing something wrong; a spouse who’s been cheated on in the past is more likely to see evidence of cheating in future. And if you’re expecting that things will go wrong – because of the combination of negativity bias and the availability heuristic – then confirmation bias will mean that you see negative events much more easily than positive ones. The best way to challenge this thinking is to discover exceptions to the negative rule. When you can’t stop thinking about [previous mistakes](https://guycounseling.com/mistakes-good-thing-future-323/), spend a few minutes thinking about your successes; they don’t have to be important achievements, just exceptions to the rule that your past was always terrible. Instead of looking in the mirror and thinking negatively about yourself, think of two things that another person might like about you. If you expect that things will go wrong, imagine what might happen if they didn’t. This doesn’t mean pretending that everything’s OK, which would be unrealistic and unhelpful. It’s simply a way of breaking that vicious circle of negative thoughts and expectations. Everyone has negative thoughts from time to time, but for some people, they are frequent, serious and disabling. By learning to distinguish thoughts from feelings, you help yourself by remembering that feelings change. René Descartes, a famous philosopher of the 17th century is credited with saying “I think – therefore I am”. In terms of negative thinking, maybe he was onto something? **Categories:** Mind, Psychology **Tags:** Anxiety, cognitive distortions, Depression, negative thinking --- ### [Loving, Supportive Relationships Can Reduce Military Suicides](https://guycounseling.com/military-risk-suicide-study-1218/) **Published:** December 18, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![risk suicide military ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/military.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New research demonstrates the power of love We’ve known for some time now that the suicide rate among military members is much higher when compared to the civilian population. For many, the holiday season only serves to intensify feelings of sadness. What a lot of folks may not know is that National Guard Members are at greater risk for suicide when compared with active duty members. You may be wondering why? It’s simple. Guardsman are expected to immediately jump back into their civilian lives after returning from a deployment; an adjustment that can be extremely hard. This is particularly true if a Guardsman has been in a combat situation. As a result, many return and find themselves struggling with a variety of mental health issues. Examples include depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). All of these are considered risk factors for a person’s suicide risk; topics that are often not discussed among service members because of a fear of being judged. **Related:** [Horseback riding helps veterans with PTSD](https://guycounseling.com/veterans-ptsd-horseback-riding/) That’s why a recent study conducted by Michigan State University is so fascinating – and hopeful. In short, investigators wanted to know what role, if any, a loving, supportive relationship plays in helping to reduce the risk of suicide. The answer? Indeed, being with a partner who understands the service member’s feelings and helps them to feel valued acts as a buffer against self-harm. In this study, researchers surveyed 712 Guardsman who lived in Michigan and had been deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq between the years 2010-2013. Those who were surveyed were in committed relationships. There were three variables being assessed: 1) mental health symptoms 2) suicide risk and 3) relationship satisfaction. The soldiers were asked a variety of questions, including how enjoyable their relationship was and if they had ever thought about or attempted suicide. Other questions were asked as well, including the frequency depression, etc. To no surprise, there was a high degree of association between mental health challenges and suicide risk. In fact, the more intense the symptoms, the greater the risk for self-harm. But here’s the interesting and promising part. If a soldier was in a loving, supportive and satisfying relationship with another, their risk of suicide dropped dramatically. Adrian Blow, a study author, said the following in a press release. “Our findings show that more needs to be done to enhance the quality of relationships to improve the satisfaction level and through this decrease the suicide risk.” He went on to add, “Having a partner who understands your symptoms may help the service member feel understood and valued. There are family support programs available, but we need to do more to enhance relationships post-deployment. Relationships do not get enough consideration in the role they play in preventing military suicides, and I would love to see more attention devoted to this issue.” The study was [published](http://www.suicidology.org/resources/sltb) in the journal of the American Association of Suicidology. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** military, PTSD, Veterans --- ### [Can Men Help Close The Tech Industry Gender Gap?](https://guycounseling.com/men-tech-gender-gap/) **Published:** December 14, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** [![tech gender](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/tech.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/tech.jpeg?ssl=1) ## Tech and gender – a closer look The technology industry is the most transformative commerce sector in the world, giving us new platforms to connect and engage with each other in revolutionary ways. Facebook, Google, Microsoft and Apple are just a few of the giants in this industry that have literally taken over the world. Yet, it’s still so surprising that businesses which push our society forward are still lagging when it comes to sexism and gender equality. According to [Statista research](https://www.statista.com/chart/4467/female-employees-at-tech-companies/), women hold just over 25 percent of tech-related jobs in the workforce. There is a gender gap in the tech field, but is this a deliberate action or the result of the differences in the way men and women think? Google software engineer James Damore was fired in 2017 for penning an internal memo suggesting that men are more biologically suited for jobs in the technology sector. In the memo, Damore asserted that men have a higher drive for status, higher tolerances for stress and a propensity to choose roles that require so-called left brain functions. Although Damore cited several scientific sources, his interpretation of that data was comprehensively flawed. To assume that there is an inherited or learned bias for men that pushes them into scientific and technological roles is simply untrue. It also assumes that cognitive differences in the way men and women think can somehow be correlated to their job performance. **Related:** [Can a glass of wine be healthy for you?](https://guycounseling.com/wine-hospital-1212/) Google has been under fire recently for perpetuating a boy’s club culture and protecting men who might be guilty of sexual harassment, but new measures have been put in place to increase gender equality. For example, earlier this month, Google’s CEO Sundar Pichai revealed that the company has fired 48 employees in the last two years for sexual harassment. Yet, that’s hardly information worth spiking a football over. Pichai just admits that there is a serious problem within his organization. Google has also completely changed its policy on sexual harassment, making private arbitration optional instead of compulsory. Admittedly, it’s difficult to point the finger at any particular individual or company to say that gender bias is deliberate in the tech field, but there are some unsavory learned behaviors that surround this industry’s professionals. There are also unique differences in the way boys and girls are educated. Male and female brains are not the same, but cognitively we only differ in the way that we use our brains. For example, men tend to compartmentalize information and handle tasks piece by piece. Whereas women think conceptually and are more likely to use both hemispheres of the brain to approach a problem in a holistic manner. A [scientific study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4129348/) conducted by Nepalese medical researchers in 2014 found that there was little to no evidence to support any substantial differences in the cognitive abilities of males and females. Both sexes performed cognitive abilities in different ways but were capable of reaching similar results in tests. [Ashley Fry](http://www.ashleyfry.me) is a VP for IQMS, an award-winning software company in California. She has been working for 9 years in the technology sector and she doesn’t believe that the gender gap is deliberate or the result of biology. “I believe the gap is mostly due to the types of expectations we have and the socialization around boys and girls essentially from the day they are born. Girls are encouraged to take on roles that are traditionally seen as ‘women’s’ roles; typically, things having to do with care giving, being gentle or patient, or having to do with children, the elderly, etc.” Dr. Nicki Washington, an associate professor in the Department of Computer Science at Winthrop University, seems to echo that sentiment. She says “girls are often not properly exposed to computer science at an early age. For underrepresented girls and women, they often are not exposed to ethnically-relevant role models in the field. Research shows how this can impact a student’s decision to pursue the field.” So, there is a gender bias for tech related jobs, but what role do men play in closing the gender gap? How can we help to promote a culture of inclusiveness? Dr. Nicki Washington suggests that “not looking the other way, but instead holding people’s feet to the fire when these incidents occur will help to make everyone aware that they are valued contributor in this field. Women/girls are not looking to be poster children for a department, organization, or school, but simply a valued member of the team.” Dr. Washington is an accomplished author and penned a book titled *Unapologetically Dope: Lessons for Black Women and Girls on Surviving and Thriving in the Tech Field*. More information is available about her work on www.nickiwashington.com. Guys, this isn’t just a womens’ issue or an appendage to the #metoo movement. If you work in the tech industry or you study computer science, then you should feel that your behavior is relevant to the discussion. Whether deliberate or not, men are helping to create an environment where women feel unwelcome and mistreated. Firstly, men must begin to see and communicate with women as equals when it comes to technology. Assumptions need to be laid to rest about a woman’s role in society and the value of a woman’s professional opinion. This means that you need to listen and acknowledge that there’s a problem and then accept that you have a responsibility to change it. Also, if you witness incidents in the workplace of marginalization or sexual harassment, then by all means, speak up and take a stand. You can do so publicly or privately, but men need to become better partners with women in the struggle for gender equality in the tech industry. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Tech, Technology --- ### [Science Says Scarfing Down Junk Food Ups Risk for Depression](https://guycounseling.com/junk-food-depression-1219/) **Published:** December 19, 2018 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![junk food burger](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/burger.jpeg?resize=654%2C502&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New study draws link between crappy foods and mood Do you like eating junk food? Because of a busy life, do you frequent fast food places that serve up burgers and fries? When you call up your favorite pizza joint, do they know you by name? If the answer is yes, you may want to listen up, particularly if you’ve been feeling blue. That’s because a new study featured in the [Financial Times](https://goo.gl/J4oVT3) (FT) reveals that a steady diet of fast foods, sweets, and processed meats may significantly raise your risk of depression. Investigators from Manchester Metropolitan University in the UK discovered that eating foods known to promote inflammation — like high in cholesterol, saturated fats, and carbs — puts people at 40 percent higher risk of depression. Researchers analyzed data from 11 existing studies that explored the link between [depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) and pro-inflammatory diets. Over 100,000 people took part in the research that included people from a variety of ethnic backgrounds, spanning several continents. The age range was 16-72 years old. What scientists found was straightforward. The people who lived on a mostly pro-inflammatory diet (junk food) were **1.4 times more likely** to have depression or depressive symptoms. ![reheating pizza top ways](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/reheat-pizza-.jpg?resize=500%2C300&ssl=1) Investigators also found the outcomes consistent, regardless of age or gender. “These results have tremendous clinical potential for the treatment of depression, and if it holds true, other diseases such as Alzheimer’s which also have an underlying inflammatory component,” remarked Steven Bradburn from Manchester Metropolitan University. The study has been published in Journal of Clinical Nutrition. The Financial Times piece goes on to suggest that for folks living with depression, in part caused by unhealthy foods, opting for healthier meals may reduce depressive symptoms. “Mediterranean diet of olive oil, tomatoes, green vegetables, and fatty fish could help lower depressive symptoms. Inflammation is the body’s natural defense system against infections, injuries and toxins. In order to protect itself from harm, the body releases proteins, antibodies and increased blood-flow to affected areas, causing redness and swelling. However, chronic inflammation puts the body in a constant state of alert and has previously been linked to diseases such as cancer, asthma and heart disease. Such persistent inflammation, particularly in the brain, is believed to contribute to neuronal death,” reports FT. On an intuitive level, the findings of this study make sense. If you live on a regular diet of crappy food, it’s going to make you feel sluggish. Additionally, it’s likely going to add unwanted pounds to your waistline. As with most things in life, moderation is key. For example, we know from a previously released study that small amounts of alcohol ([like a glass of wine](https://guycounseling.com/wine-hospital-1212/)) may be good for your health. **Do you eat a lot of junk food? If so, what impact has it had on your mood? Did changing your diet make you feel better?** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety. Mood, Depression --- ### [Social Media Bots Like Trolling Influencers, Inflaming Controversy](https://guycounseling.com/social-media-bots-trolling/) **Published:** November 30, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![facebook social media](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/social-media-facebook.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Can you tell if you’re engaging with artificial intelligence online? A [research paper](https://eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-11/uosc-bat112018.php) published in November of this year from the University of Southern California’s Department of Computer Science found that artificial intelligence, so-called “bots” exhibited anti-social behavior online. These social media bots targeted specific social media influencers with negative posts that were intended to exacerbate violent commentary and sway their political bias. This study, one of the first of its kind was published in *Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America* and was co-authored by assistant research professor and associate director of Informatics, Emilio Ferrara. Ferrara noted that “Every user is exposed to this either directly or indirectly because bot-generated content is nowadays very pervasive”. The study on social hacking reviewed nearly 4 million Twitter posts that focused on the controversial vote for a referendum on Catalan independence. Researchers looked at the type of behavioral dynamics employed by the bots, which users were targeted and the type of content that was shared by artificial intelligence online. The bots were strategically selecting and pursuing certain social media influencers. The AI bots posted mostly negative comments that would antagonize those individuals into generating more inflammatory content. Those human users were also unaware that the accounts that they were engaging with were in fact artificial in design. ![facebook](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/facebook.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are you being trolled by a bot on social media? It was previously believed that bots had no bias for a type of content or specific users, but this paper entitled “Bots Increase Exposure to Negative and Inflammatory Content in Online Social Systems” seems to prove otherwise. Perhaps there is a glitch in their initial programming or a concentrated effort by their programmers to influence social debate. What’s certain is that artificial intelligence has the power to influence social media behavior anonymously. Can artificial intelligence be relied upon to use moral standards for posting and promoting harmful content online? Kentaro Toyama, W.K. Professor of Community Information at the University of Michigan School of Information, doesn’t think so. He’s the author of [Geek Heresy: Rescuing Social Change from the Cult of Technology](http://a.co/d/16AW9Sx).  Guy Counseling spoke to him to gain his insight and he shared the following with us: “Most AI systems today, as smart as they may be in some ways, are still completely indifferent to human values and morality.” Toyama went on to say, “There are research teams such as at Berkeley’s Center for Human-Compatible AI which are investigating ways to make AI systems more ethical, but these ideas are nascent at best. But even if such technologies existed, the problem with ethical AI is that unless individual people and corporations who use AI choose to use ethical AI systems, there can always be non-ethical AI systems out there causing harm.” **Related:** [Does Facebook cause impulsive decision making?](https://guycounseling.com/impulsive-behaviors-facebook-link/) The last U.S. presidential election gave new fire to the debate over social hacking and it is widely believed that so-called “fake news” played an integral role in swaying and manipulating the United States electorate. There are human moderators and automated monitoring systems in place on social media sites like Twitter and Facebook, but their effectiveness in counteracting social hacking is hit or miss. Some of those moderating systems are employing artificial intelligence themselves. Until better safeguards are put in place to monitor or control what type of language or content is being distributed by social media bots, it’s likely that artificial intelligence will have a say in every major socio-political debate to come. **Have you ever been trolled by a bot on social media? Would you know it if it happened?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** AI, Facebook, Social Media, Twitter --- ### [Can a Daily Glass of Wine Keep You Out of the Hospital?](https://guycounseling.com/wine-hospital-1212/) **Published:** December 12, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![glass of wine](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/wine.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study suggests moderate alcohol use may hold health benefits Do you consider yourself a moderate drinker? By moderate, I’m talking about having no more than a glass of wine per day. If that describes you, there may be some good news. According to a new study published in the journal *[Addiction](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/add.14490)*, people who consumed small amounts of daily alcohol, such as what we see in the general framework of the Mediterranean diet, have a lower chance of being hospitalized when compared to heavy drinkers and to those who don’t drink at all. Yes – you read that last part right. According to the study, folks who drink moderately have a lower risk of being hospitalized than those who never drink. Does this sound too good to be true? I certainly thought so. But after taking a close look at the data \[with caveats\], it doesn’t seem that farfetched. For this investigation, Italian and U.S. researchers assessed the incidents of hospitalization of participants over a six-year period as part of an epidemiological study. The average age of each participant was 35 years old. Forty- eight percent of the entire sample identified as male. So, what did investigators observe? Well, one part of their findings weren’t all that surprising; folks who were considered heavy drinkers (four drinks or more per day) were at greater risk of hospitalized, particularly for cancer and other alcohol-related diseases, when compared to the moderate drinkers. But the interesting part relates to individuals who drank the equivalent of a glass of wine a day. Per the study, they less likely to be hospitalized for all causes when compared to those no never drink or identified as former drinkers. FYI – some people refer to folks who make the choice to never drink as teetotalers. Researchers are careful to point out that their findings do not suggest non-drinkers should start consuming wine. Ken Mukamal, an Associate Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School and study author, said the following in a [press release](https://goo.gl/UC7EpW). “We are absolutely not saying that any teetotaler should start drinking to improve his/her health. However, this research reaffirms that the effects of alcohol consumption cannot be reduced to a single catchphrase or punchline. This very comprehensive study clearly shows that we need to consider its health effects based upon both dose and disease”. As in most studies that involve alcohol, there usually exists contradictory research. An example can be found in a study we reported on in October where light alcohol use was found to [decrease lifespan](https://guycounseling.com/light-drinking-death-103/). To be sure, this investigation has limitations. For example, the people in this investigation who were identified as heavy drinkers and were hospitalized also tended to be smokers. That’s an important consideration when one considers the known health risks associated with cigarettes. Still, in the general sense, the study appearing in *Addictions* does help to inform the long-standing wellness mantra of *everything in moderation*. **So, what are your thoughts? Do you drink one glass of wine per day? If so, have you realized any health benefits?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Alcohol, Cigarettes, Wine --- ### [What’s New In The 2019 Mercedes-Benz G Class SUV?](https://guycounseling.com/mercedes-benz-g-class-suv-review/) **Published:** December 10, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![mbenz2019](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/mbenz2019.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Rundown of the 2019 Mercedes Benz G Class SUV Not many people can afford one, but for those who can, the [2019 Mercedes-Benz G-Class SUV](https://www.mbusa.com/mercedes/future/model/model-2019_Mercedes_Benz_G_Class) provides the pinnacle of off-road performance and luxury. The next generation G-Class debuted at the 2018 North American International Auto Show amid rave reviews and it’s now available for purchase if you’re ready to cough up six figures. It’s got off-road prowess on any terrain, an entirely new suspension, and a mouth-watering, world-class leather interior. ## Introduction to the New G-Class “Enhancing an icon such as the G-Class in technological terms was both a challenge and an opportunity at the same time. Each part and every bolt came under close scrutiny,” explains Dr. Gunnar Güthenke, Head of the Off-Road Product Group at Mercedes-Benz. The second-generation G-Class SUV from Mercedes-Benz has emerged with an updated chassis, new interior layout and improved ride quality, but it keeps the high-stacking, ladder frame exterior design that made the original vehicle one of the most recognized automobiles on the market. This high-end, luxury G-Wagon is super expensive, super elite and specifically designed to effectively traverse some of the worst terrain on planet Earth. What it’s not designed to do is save you money on gasoline. The G-Wagon gets just 13 miles per gallon in the city and 17 miles per gallon on the highway. If you can ignore those pitiful numbers, then you’re sure to find something special here. It’s available as the G550, AMG G 63 or the suped-up AMG G 65. Here’s a quick walk-around video from the good folks at Auto-Blog. ## Exterior Style The new G-Class SUV worships at the holy church of our blessed 90-degree angle and reverences sheer opulence in any condition. At first glance, it looks like one single piece of sheet metal that has been expertly honed into a brutally-beautiful form. The distinctive body style of the G-Class SUV has largely remained the same even though it’s shed 375 lbs of frame weight for 2019. Visually, it will look the same as previous years, but savvy auto enthusiasts might notice that the 2019 G-Class is 2 inches longer and 4.8 inches wider. The new body uses a mix of lightweight, ultra-strong steel and aluminium. It’s still got an upright, boxy frame with externally-mounted door hinges, signature door handles that click and a spare tire mounted on the rear door. The hood is also mounted on top of the frame, not in-line with the frame like other sport utility vehicles in this class. ## Performance Capabilities The 2019 G550 has a 4.0 Liter biturbo V8 beneath its hood. The engine achieves 416 horsepower and 450 lb. ft. of torque. There’s new software in place to improve the response time and fuel consumption of the 9-speed automatic transmission. You can toggle between four driving modes – sport, eco, comfort and individual. There’s another driving mode, the G Mode, but that’s explained in greater detail a bit later. The steering goes from a hydraulic system to a new electro-mechanical, rack-and-pinion steering control for 2019. You’ll have increased handling when you need it, but the automated control systems will override your input to maintain the best traction in certain conditions. You’ll probably never know this is happening and nobody can fault you for telling all your friends that you’re an off-road traction pro. The engineering is just that good. The 2019 Mercedes-Benz AMG G 63, as it’s called, is the even more powerful version of the G-Class SUV. It comes with a monstrous 5.5 Liter AMG biturbo V8 engine that produces 563 horsepower and 561 lb. ft. of torque. https://www.instagram.com/p/BrHTRIhnrav/ The 9-speed automatic transmission propels the large frame from zero to 60 mph in just 5.3 seconds. It’s hard to imagine a vehicle this large going that fast, but the AMG G 65 is even faster and more powerful. It has a 6.0 Liter biturbo V8 that ups the horsepower to 621 and the torque jumps to 738 lb. ft. Although this version doesn’t make much of an improvement on speed from the AMG G 63, the AMG G 65 has a towing capacity of 7,000 pounds. It comes standard with 4MATIC all-wheel drive and the 40 to 60 percent front/rear torque distribution helps to improve stability and traction. In either standard G550 or AMG form, the G-Class is in its element when taken off-road. It’s built to dominate both land and water. The new double-wishbone front axle is mounted directly to the frame, not a sublevel bar that rocks and sways. The rear axle sits as high as possible to give the G-Class SUV more ground clearance and rigidity. This vehicle can also power through muddy water like a knife through butter. The 2019 G-Class has a maximum fording depth of 27.6 inches. That’s a big improvement on the previous model. You also get 3 driving modes for off-road adventuring. There’s a selectable mode for sand, trails, and rock. Then, there’s G Mode. Whenever one of the three differential locks have been activated or the low range off-road reduction gear has been engaged, a small “G” indicator light will flash on the dashboard. That’s G Mode kicking in. Instantly, the G-Class goes to work on nearly every element of the vehicle’s performance when you go off-road. Torque, gear shifting, steering control and the chassis dampening systems all adapt to the current driving conditions to provide an optimal level of manoeuvrability. ## Interior Amenities The new G-Class body design lends itself to more interior space for all passengers. There’s 6 inches more leg room and nearly 3 inches more elbow room in the rear bench. It’s doubtful that you will hear any complaints from the rear seats though.  Wind noise has been greatly reduced for 2019, but it’s still nowhere near as quiet a ride as let’s say an S-Class sedan, for example. The suspension and door seal improvements help with acoustics, but the overall bricklike design of the body cancels out any attempts to channel air currents in a way that will provide a quieter interior space. There’s not a whole lot of room for cargo, but the rear seats do fold completely flat to haul in your skis or bulky camping gear. The new 2019 G-Wagon dashboard borrows some style cues from the G-Wagon’s stablemates – the E and S-Class sedans. It has a single-bonded glass panel that sprawls 12.3 inches across the dash. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq0KqR1HSyc/ There’s the usual instrument cluster for the driver but you’ll also find some off-road specific gauges. There’s 3D displays for the car’s drive shaft, transfer case, differential status, gradient, incline, steering angle and altitude. If all that raw data is too overwhelming, you can rely on steering wheel-mounted controls to handle some basics like navigation, air conditioning, Bluetooth and audio volume. The 2019 G-Wagon has a sunroof that now has heat-rejecting glass. Visible light comes in without the thermal energy that’ll bake you in your leather seats. In front of the passenger seat is a leather and wood grab bar. **Related:** [Masculine cars – what makes them alpha?](https://guycounseling.com/makes-car-manly/) The center console has circular air con vents that repeat the design motif of the new circular LED headlights in front of the vehicle. Beneath those vents you’ll find an accessory compartment that’s deep enough to stow several smart phones and wide enough to eat a meal on when closed. Another interesting interior amenity is the ambient lighting. You can toggle between 64 different color palettes to create your own sensual mood. This is perfect for impressing your passengers, especially if you let them play with the settings while you catch up on emails. Customizable leather and wood are also generously spread around the cabin, but what else would you expect from a Mercedes-Benz? ## Infotainment You’ll most likely look to the awesome off-road adventure that you’re having for all your entertainment needs while riding in the 2019 Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon. However, if you decide to cruise through the city and you get bored, you’ll be delighted to find that the G-Wagon has an available in-car WiFi hotspot that can connect up to 8 devices at a time. Now, everyone can ignore each other in style. The main dashboard display screen has large icons and a high pixel count to make menu surfing much easier than previous models. It does take some getting used to because the driver’s instrument cluster seems to flow right into the center touchscreen. There’s no separation there. Thankfully, you can also use the COMAND touchpad controller in the center stack to navigate the infotainment options without taking your eyes off the road. Apple Car Play and Android Auto come standard, so does a 6-month subscription to Sirius XM satellite radio. https://www.instagram.com/p/BqoWwAUHbnr/ ## Safety Features One the main safety upgrades is the placement of the rearview camera. It’s located just beneath the externally-mounted spare tire for better visibility. Another standard safety feature is Park Assist, thanks to the new electro-mechanical rack-and-pinion steering system. The 2019 G Class SUV also comes with adaptive cruise control that can brake automatically if needed, blind spot indicators, lane keeping technology, rain-sensing windshield wipers, trailer stability assist, adaptive braking, and tire pressure monitoring. The G Class would have undoubtably received those new safety upgrades without a complete next generation vehicle, but it’s nice to see that automakers at Mercedes-Benz didn’t scrimp on new features (which are already in place on its closest rivals). ## Final Analysis The 2019 Mercedes-Benz G-Class is the height of off-road luxury. It’s also the preferred ride of the Pope. The G-Wagon has a military style body frame that’s built tough and built to last. The first generation ran for 40 years with only minor tweaks and updates. The bi-turbo V8 engine in the G-Wagon is super powerful and the AMG G 65 can blow the doors off many high-performance sedans. First and foremost, it’s an off-roader, the best on the market, with only the trail-rated 2019 Jeep Grand Cherokee Traihawk and the Hummer H2 as near contenders. The purpose of releasing a new 2019 G-Class SUV was to modernize the platform and introduce new engineering amenities that will certainly last for another half century. Engineers at Mercedes-Benz have certainly done just that. They’ve created an all new classic. Oh, by the way – expect to pay somewhere between $125,000 to $150.000, depending on what options you choose. **What are your thoughts? Would you buy this vehicle? Share your thoughts below in the comments section.** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Mercedes, SUV --- ### [Weight Training Routine for Martial Artists](https://guycounseling.com/weight-training-martial-arts/) **Published:** December 10, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![bench press young man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/bench-press.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Weight training and martial arts – a great match! If you’re looking for a competitive edge in martial arts or you simply need to mix up your training regimen, then check out this weight training routine specifically designed for martial artists. I’ve trained in several different styles of martial arts – capoeira, ninjutsu, chi gung and traditional Shaolin gung fu for many years. Most of these styles incorporate resistance training and strength building in their regular drills, but I’ve found that lifting weights can help gain more power and build muscular endurance. More muscular power means that you will hit harder and have more effective strikes. Muscular endurance is your ability to repeat the same strikes repetitively without reaching fatigue. Lifting weights for martial arts isn’t cheating; think of it as just sharpening your blade. Afterall, most people who engage in martial arts these days do it for the health benefits, not to be lethal fighters. According to [IBIS World statistics](https://www.ibisworld.com/industry-trends/specialized-market-research-reports/consumer-goods-services/education-providers/martial-arts-studios.html), 73% of people who practice martial arts or attend classes at a studio do so for physical fitness. So, this article will show you some strength building routines that are especially useful to fitness-minded martial artists. Now, if you train in martial arts already, then you might not have a lot of extra training time to spare. That’s why each routine in this guide has relatively simple exercises that are designed to give you the best results in the least amount of time. If you’re new to martial arts, then these exercises will help prepare your body for the many physical challenges that lie ahead. ## **Your Weightlifting Schedule** Time management is key when you train regularly in any martial arts form. Your sensei or instructor will undoubtably encourage you to keep a rigorous schedule of training days and rest days, so squeezing in some gym time is that much more difficult. So, my weightlifting schedule is broken down into two separate sessions per week – one for the upper body and one for the lower body. If that doesn’t work for you, then by all means, stick to what you’re currently doing. Just be sure to rest and recharge your body in-between sessions because over-training will always be counter-productive to your martial arts progress. 10-20% of [athletes experience overtraining](https://guycounseling.com/overtraining-syndrome-8-signs-body-builders/), resulting in weight loss, chronic decreases in testosterone, performance and impaired ability to train. As a martial arts practitioner, it is so easy to slip into over-training. So, please be careful. These exercises make use of traditional resistance equipment that you will find in any gym. There are no kettlebells, battle ropes, or oversized tires to flip in this routine. *Sorry, not sorry*. I’m not knocking those methods. I know they’re popular, but my chi gung instructor once gave me a great piece of advice that I will share with you. He said, “you should train your body like a tractor, not like a race car. You can put just about any type of fuel into a tractor and it will pull all day long. One tractor does the same job as another. Kick it, beat it, bang it up and it still gets the job done. But a race car needs special fuel, special conditions, special equipment and special handling to work at its best, and aversity rarely finds you at your best.” Since hearing that advice, I’ve chosen to keep my weight-lifting schedule as simple as possible. Now, let’s take a closer look at the exercise routines themselves. ## ![free weights](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/free-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Day One – Upper Body *Equipment Needed*: adjustable workout bench with a plate-loaded barbell and medium weight dumbbells *Major Muscles Worked*: triceps, biceps, pectoralis, deltoids, trapezius, brachioradialis *Directions*: For your upper body weightlifting day, start with the heaviest weight sets and work your way down. According to ACE Fitness, the plate-loaded barbell bench press is the most comprehensive and effective way to target the pectoralis muscles of your chest. Do three to four sets of 8 to 12 repetitions with at least three minutes of rest between sets. Now, stand up, keep that heavy weight loaded onto the barbell and do three to four sets of shoulder shrugs. Try to do at least 8 to 12 repetitions. This will work the trapezius muscles and the levator scapulae of your neck. This exercise is especially helpful for martial artists because strengthening the muscles of your neck and upper back help to resist takedowns during grappling sessions. Now, you’re going to move onto the dumbbells. Grab two medium weight dumbbells and perform three to four sets of overhead military presses. Go for 8 to 12 repetitions and be sure to rest between sets. Now, some people recommend doing these with a barbell or seated if using dumbbells. **Related:** [Upper body workout to blast your pecs and arms](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workouts-focus-chest/) However, if you perform this exercise in a standing position you will need to engage the core muscles for stability, which is most conducive to your martial arts training. Just make sure your form is clean, keep your knees slightly bent and your back straight. Keep your elbows close to the body on the down stroke and press up until your elbows are fully extended. The main muscle target is the deltoid group in your shoulders, but you will feel your trapezius and pectoralis muscles firing, as well. For the next segment, you’ll need to raise the bench to an inclined position. Place your dumbbells on your thighs at rest and then lift them up to the shoulders as you lay back on the bench. Press them over your head (the inclined dumbbell press) and back down to parallel with your shoulders for three sets of 8 to 12 repetitions. We’re hitting the upper band of the pectoralis muscle in your chest this time to build your punching power. For more detailed instruction on the inclined dumbbell press, check out [ExRx’s page](https://exrx.net/WeightExercises/PectoralClavicular/DBInclineBenchPress) and video. Now, move on to the dumbbell preacher curl. This exercise is best done with a preacher curl bench but remember what my sensei said and use what you have at hand. Come around to the back side of the bench with a single dumbbell in hand. Extend your lifting arm down the length of the bench and place the back of your upper arm on the pad (above the elbow). This is your starting position. Now, place your non-lifting hand on the corner or top of the bench for stability. Now, slowly curl the dumbbell from full extension all the way up to your bicep. This exercise is great because it works the long head of the bicep (brachialis), the forearm brachioradialis, and the short head bicep – the full range of your elbow flexion muscles. For martial artists, this exercise will increase your muscular endurance for repeated strikes and blocks. Try to do at least 8 to 12 repetitions and two to three sets. You can choose to do all sets on a single arm first or alternate between arms. It’s up to you. To cap off your upper body day, do three sets of triceps extensions with the dumbbell. Sit back down on the inclined bench and position a single dumbbell above your head by placing both hands beneath the top weight plate. Now, lower the dumbbell behind your upper arms by bending at the elbow. Be sure to keep your wrists tightly-flexed to avoid hitting the back of your neck. Do 8 to 12 repetitions to work the triceps. ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/body-builder-legs.jpg?resize=650%2C360&ssl=1)Day Two – Lower Body *Equipment Needed*: plate-loaded barbell, leg press machine, dumbbells, calf block (or low box) *Major Muscles Worked*: gluteus maximus, quadriceps, hamstrings, hip adductors, soleus. *Directions*: For your lower body weightlifting day, you want to choose a variety of exercises that build explosiveness and muscular endurance without sacrificing your flexibility and range of motion. Both are vital to your martial arts training, so keep that in mind. For martial artists, the posterior chain is so vital. That’s the group of muscles along the rear of your body – the hamstrings, the glutes, the back muscles. The posterior chain is essential to your ability to jump high, take-off fast, and kick hard. **Related:** [Lower body leg workout made simple](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/) After warming up, I like to start with barbell squats. This exercise targets your gluteus maximus, hip adductors, soleus and quadriceps.  I recommend doing a front squat instead of a normal squat with the barbell on your back. Here’s why. The front squat is a bit more technical and is done with less weight, but it puts less stress on your spine and lowers your risk of injury to your knees. To do a front squat, position the barbell in front of your chest at shoulder height and cross your arms over the bar. This helps with stability. Place your feet roughly shoulder-width apart. Keep your back straight. Squat down by bending your hips back while your knees bend slightly forward. Go down until your thighs are parallel to the floor (maybe a bit lower) then return to a standing position. If you can do three sets of 8 repetitions, you’re a beast. For more detailed instruction on the barbell front squat, check out [ExRx’s page](https://exrx.net/WeightExercises/GluteusMaximus/BBFrontSquat) on that particular exercise. Now, move onto the 45-degree angle leg press machine. This exercise is relatively simple. You place your feet flat against the platform, hold onto the side grips, and keep your back pressed against the resting pad. Then, you push outward by flexing your hips and knees to full extension. Then, you lower them back to the starting position. Use a heavier weight for this exercise and perform three to four sets of 8 to 12 repetitions. If you want to target the glutes more, then take a higher stance on the platform with your feet, but this exercise works best to target your quadriceps if you just aim for the center of the platform. For safety, be sure to keep your feet flat at all times. Next, you’re going to grab two medium weight dumbbells for walking lunges. I like this exercise because it works all the major muscle groups in your lower body and builds muscular endurance. This exercise will help you maintain horse stance or other crouching martial arts positions for longer periods of time. It’s great for martial artists but be sure to maintain proper form throughout the exercise to prevent injury. People love lunges, but this exercise can be dangerous. Be sure to place your heel on the floor first, then your toe. Always keep your back straight. Also, never let your knee extend further than your toe. Hold the dumbbells straight down at your side and step forward with a single leg. Lean your weight over the front leg and use the rear leg for balance. Lower your body down toward the floor until your knee is almost touching, and then flex the knee to rise again. Step forward with the opposite leg and repeat. It’s hard to prescribe a set amount of repetitions for this exercise. I recommend continuing until failure, until your form starts to weaken and waver. Do at least 3 sets of the walking lunge. The last exercise for leg day is the calf raise. Keep one dumbbell in hand and stand on a calf block or sturdy box. You should place your weight on the balls of your feet, not the toes. Use your other hand for stability by placing it on the wall or anything that’s not gonna move around. Extend your ankle as high as possible and then lower your foot until the calf muscle is stretched. Do this exercise for each leg until you reach muscle failure, until you can no longer complete a clean repetition. Do 3 to 4 sets if you can. ## ![weight lifting martial arts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/back-muscle-beach-ocean.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Tips, Tricks, and Notes If you haven’t trained for at least a year in weightlifting, then don’t try to perform four sets for each exercise. According to research, three to four sets will result in the most gains for trained weightlifters, but novice weightlifters should try only two sets, twice a week. (*Rhea MR, Alvar BA, Burkett LN, Ball SD (2003). A meta-analysis to determine the dose response for strength development. Med Sci Sports Exerc. 35(3):456-64.)* For the best recovery, try to do some light cycling during your three to four minute rest period. Studies show that light activity between sets can reduce your blood lactate level and help you work out longer. Be sure to start each day with a warm-up. This will help raise your body temperature, lubricate your joints, and increase your mobility. For your upper body, you can use a PVC pipe to simulate arm curls. You can also do arm circles, but I like to do some of my martial arts warm-up, my katas to engage my muscles and give my body the signals that we’re about to kick into fifth gear. **Related:** [How you sabotage your workout routine](https://guycounseling.com/sabotage-fitness-goals/) For your lower body day, consider a five to ten-minute run on the treadmill, some cycling or rowing. Again, your martial arts warm-up is also enough to get your body in the mode for working out. If you find that you can not complete a set of 8 to 12 repetitions, then reduce the weight by 10 percent. That’s called “moving down the rack”. The important thing is to give 100 percent of your effort to complete each repetition properly. If that means you have to go down in weight for your third set, then that is your best option. ## The Wrap-Up If you’re a martial artist or someone interested in martial arts, I hope this detailed weightlifting routine will help you reach your personal fitness goals. I find that with regular strength-training, my martial arts skills have improved tremendously. I have more power in my strikes. I’m more resistant to takedown attempts. I’m also able to perform repetitive movements much longer than before. If you enjoyed this article, be sure to share it on Facebook with your martial arts community. — Main photo credit: Deposit photos References: (*Corder KP, Potteiger JA, Nau KL, Figoni SE, Hershberger SL (2000). Effects of active and passive recovery conditions on blood lactate, rating of perceived exertion, and performance during resistance exercise. Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research, 14: 151-156.)* **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Bodybuidling, free weights, Martial Arts, weight lifting --- ### [How Yoga Helps Men Look Younger and Feel Stronger](https://guycounseling.com/yoga-men-benefits-811/) **Published:** August 1, 2018 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ## ![yoga man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/yoga.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men can benefit from yoga in major ways If we take a look at most western yoga classes, it is clear women dominate them. You will rarely see a man in the classes. This is mostly because of the belief that yoga is something that only women should do. Fortunately, this is a changing trend, with more and more guys actively partaking in this activity around the world. The most common question that men have is: > “Why should I do yoga?” There is a perception this activity is really easy and that it doesn’t help build muscle or increase endurance. All it does is allow you to stand in weird positions, right? Wrong! The health benefits of this activity are highly documented. Yoga Journal highlights [38 of them right here](https://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/count-yoga-38-ways-yoga-keeps-fit). However, for men only some are particularly important, including those presented below. ## **Increased Strength And Flexibility** Men often avoid yoga as they think they are not flexible. Most people that are new to yoga actually think they are not flexible enough to practice it or that the routines are just [warm ups](https://guycounseling.com/warm-ups-10-reasons-they-should-be-part-of-your-workout/). This is because when you look at clips or articles about yoga routines, you often find people sitting in positions that you simply cannot do. What should be known is that one of the big physical benefits associated with yoga is that it improves strength and flexibility. These are not actually prerequisites for starting yoga routines. In fact, yoga is renowned for helping those with incredibly bad flexibility improve and regain what was once lost. Just take a look at [success stories](https://ddpyoga.com/blogs/success-stories) and you will see people that start with incredibly reduced flexibility and end up being able to do the complex poses that seem impossible. ## **No Need To Go To The Gym Or Buy Expensive Equipment** Yoga does improve flexibility, balance and strength, all without having to go to the gym. One of the reasons why many men end up in a very bad shape is a low self-esteem caused by not liking how they look. Something bad happens and because of not liking what is seen in the mirror, people just do not go to the gym. There is this fear of being judged by others because of personal appearance. This type of activity can be done at home. In fact, thanks to the evolution of the internet and the increased availability of information, you can practice anywhere, with videos showing you all you have to do. All that you really need is a good pair of yoga pants (the reason why [can be seen here](http://dzhingarov.com/the-real-difference-between-cheap-and-expensive-yoga-pants/)), a proper mat and some minor helping equipment if you are dealing with injuries or have lower flexibility. ## **Eased Pain And Lower Injury Possibility** Have you lived an active lifestyle and now you deal with body pain that simply does not disappear? Yoga is a highly effective way to deal with this problem. When compared with bodybuilding, which can expose you to really strenuous activities that will increase injury risk, yoga just requires moving through some poses. Yoga poses can be as light or as challenging as you want them to be. Injury risk is automatically reduced. It needs to be added that yoga also stretches the entire body so the pain that is already felt is alleviated, especially when it affects joints. Many men often experience chronic back pain. Yoga has different stretches just for that. The same thing can be said about all body parts. ## **Creating A Positive Lifestyle Change** When a man ends up in a really bad shape or faces a point in time when a major lifestyle change is needed (like after a divorce), yoga can be a very good solution. It improves overall well-being while promoting [mental toughness](https://guycounseling.com/men-mental-wellness/) and physical health. [As men practice yoga](https://guycounseling.com/yoga-men-benefits/), they experience shifts in sleeping patterns and even a need to change the diet appears. Excelling with this form of wellness does not require following a very heavy recovery plan or workout. ## **Yoga Is Highly Effective For Weight Loss** Participate in a class and you will quickly notice everyone is sweating. Heart rate goes quite high and you normally end up losing a lot more weight than you initially anticipated. [Lifting weights](https://guycounseling.com/free-weights-vs-machines/) is also great for losing weight but yoga is actually a much easier option to consider. And you know what else – it’s also very good for gut health. It helps massage internal organs and the poses you will do will actually increase metabolic rate. Since you sweat a lot and the body needs to react, you actually end up craving for healthier food because you need more energy to go through the routines. ## **You Will Feel Younger** Yoga increases vitality and has really [clear mental benefits](https://guycounseling.com/men-mental-wellness/). Regardless of age, this activity makes you feel younger. This is why it is actually highly recommended for the elderly as it allows them to stay fit, healthy and positive. The only problem is that this does not happen overnight. You do need to go through regular practice for you to feel younger. However, results appear much faster than in other sports. This is especially true when referring to flexibility and core strength. ## **Reduced Stress** Do you need to relax after a really long work week? Yoga is hard to beat when it comes to its capability to reduce the stress you feel. Positivity is actively promoted and as you regularly practice the routines, you find yourself with more energy and with a better mood. It naturally boosts mental health. It calms and clears your mind. It can even help reduce the negative influence of depression. Are you suffering from anxiety? This activity is a great way to fight it! ## **Improved Sexual Performance** For so many women and men, [sexual performance](https://guycounseling.com/not-attracted-471/) becomes a problem as aging steps in. Many studies showed that men practicing yoga will actually improve sexual performance. This is because of increases noticed in orgasm, desire, performance, erection and even confidence. Yoga will lower stress and keep your body flexible. These two automatically improve sexual performance. Blood flow is regulated and more pleasure is felt. Simply put, the more time you spend on the mat, the better the sex will be! ## **Final Thoughts** Yoga has a pretty bad reputation among men and is generally regarded as something women should do. Hopefully, the benefits above changed this perception. Keep in mind that professional athletes, men, now use it as a regular part of their workout routines. Floyd Mayweather practiced yoga when preparing to fight Conor McGregor. There are countless MMA fighters, bodybuilders, football players and wrestlers that now actively promote this form of physical exercise. This is because of the benefits mentioned above and many others. All men should at least try a yoga-activity at least once. If you choose to do this, be sure you start under the guidance of an experienced instructor or friend that has been doing it for a longer time though. This will help you get started right. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** stress, Workouts, Yoga --- ### [Is It Wrong To Skip a Family Member’s Funeral?](https://guycounseling.com/skip-family-funeral-128/) **Published:** December 8, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![skip family funeral](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/funeral-gravesite-services-flowers.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Would you skip a family member’s funeral? Not long ago, a gym buddy of mine named Steve shared with me that his brother Nick had just died. Feeling sorry for his loss, I offered my heartfelt condolences. “I can imagine this is a very difficult time. Is there anything you need?” I asked. Steve, being the independent person that he is, replied, “No, but thanks man – I appreciate.” As our conversation continued, I was curious to know if his family had made funeral arrangements. If possible, I wanted to attend whatever services that might take place, such as a [wake or memorial](https://guycounseling.com/wake-funeral-questions/). To my surprise, he responded by saying, “I am not sure. But then again, I haven’t asked my parents. The truth is I have no plans on going to any of it,” he said with a deadpan face. As you can imagine, I was taken back. Why would anyone ever skip the funeral of a close family member, like a sibling? Wanting to know more, I gently prodded for details. “I really don’t want to go into it all right now, but I can tell you we weren’t very close. In fact, we hadn’t talked in years,” said Steve, whose face showed no signs of sadness. As I digested his words, it occurred to me that he had never really talked about his family, let alone his brother Nick. In fact, this was the first time I had ever heard him mention a sibling at all. As a counselor, I knew better than to keep digging. The hard truth is no two people ever experience grief in the same way. While folks may share common traits, such as what we see in Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s [Five Stages of Grief](https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/), the process of loss is different for everyone. Fast forward two weeks later – after Steve had shared the initial news of his brother’s passing. I had bumped into him at the gym and asked him if he wanted to grab a coffee at a nearby café. My motivation was twofold. First, I was genuinely interested in hearing about how he was feeling. Second, a part of me was curious if he stayed true to his comments about bailing on his brother’s funeral. Now here is the thing. Steve isn’t a dummy. He knew full well this wasn’t going to be one of our typical bro-talks. But because of our friendship, he felt safe sharing. Carefully, inquired about how he was getting on. ![graveyard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/graveyard.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Would you skip a family member’s funeral? “I’m OK – I guess. It’s been a few weeks. During the first couple of days, I was numb. But since then, things have been up and down,” he said while staring into his cup. “My wife tells me I should talk to someone,” he added. A few seconds of silence passed. I asked him straight out about the funeral. Did he go? Here’s what he said. “Yes – but barely. I skipped the wake entirely. Church services, too. I wasn’t going to go to the funeral either but at the last minute, I showed up for the graveyard service.” As our conversation continued, Steve revealed that his brother had been abusive to him when they were younger and I’m not talking about verbal or physical violence. No, instead, he had been inappropriately touched. **Related:** [Things to never say at a funeral](https://guycounseling.com/funeral-etiquette-never-say-251/) I learned there was a 10-year age difference between them. While he didn’t share all of the details, it sounded like Steve had been sexually abused by his brother during childhood. Apparently, it had gone on for some time. Suddenly, a lot of things started to make sense. Examples include his never mentioning family and his response to my question about funeral plans. We continued chatting. “I ultimately decided to go because I knew that I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t,” he revealed. When we finished our coffees, I could sense he had experienced some catharsis. Given that his wife had encouraged him to talk to someone \[code for a therapist\], I gave Steve the digits to a psychologist who specialized in trauma. All of this leads to the main theme of this post. *Is it ever OK to skip a family members funeral?* Had Steve decided to skip the entire thing, would that really be wrong? Yes, in the final analysis, he made himself go to graveside services. But what if he had chosen not to? Would that make him a bad person? Are there some family relationships that are so horribly damaged that showing up to final services might do more harm than good? **What are your thoughts on this topic?** **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Death, Funeral, Memorial, Wake --- ### [Big Book of Hypnosis Scripts – Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/big-book-scripts-nongard-review/) **Published:** December 5, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![big book of hypnosis scripts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/moutnain-water.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Big Book of Hypnosis by Nongard Are you a mental health clinician, hypnotherapist or health care consumer looking for a book of hypnosis scripts? Searching for a practical resource that can be used in conjunction with guided imagery? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I recently purchased *The Big Book of Hypnosis Scripts*: *How to Create Lasting Change Using Contextual Hypnotherapy, Mindfulness Meditation and Hypnotic Phenomena*. What follows is my quick review of the book with some thoughts about application. In my case, I bought this book several months ago because I was desperately in need of something tangible that I could call upon to help folks struggling with various life challenges. Examples include [anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/), self-confidence and pain management. Through word of mouth, I happened to hear about Nongard’s book and decided to buy a copy on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Pq0yNy) for approximately $32.00. Shipping was free because of my Prime account. **So, what were my impressions of this resource? Is the Big Book of Hypnosis Scripts worth the money?** All I can tell you is that after spending time with the material for several months, I have been very pleased. Not only did “The Big Book” provide me helpful approaches to wellness, but it also sparked new thinking about the entire topic of mindfulness-based healing. This is an amazing resource that can be used in combination with activities like [the body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) or [yoga](https://guycounseling.com/yoga-men-benefits/). it’s also terrific for creating powerful, positive self-dialogue. ![Arthritis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/man-stretching.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) At their core, “scripts” are narratives that are used in hypnosis to achieve certain goals. Examples include wanting to get a better night’s sleep or moving past an unpleasant event. But what some folks forget is that a script doesn’t need to be read by a therapist to realize benefits. Indeed, an individual consumer can also read scripts as part of meditation or to encourage a positive outcome. What I loved were the different topical areas. Struggling with pain? It’s in the book. Need something to boost self-confidence? It’s there. Need something to reinforce weight loss goals? You’ll find it inside. I recognize there are many books on the market about [alternative pathways to healing](https://nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm) – particularly when it comes to hypnosis. Speaking only for myself, I have to say Nongard’s book stands out because it is simple in presentation, easy to understand, and holds and has a high degree of utility. And again, one doesn’t need to be a healer to benefit from this resource. Anyone who wants to engage in healthier-self talk may find helpful. As an aside, I picked up a hard copy because I’m old school and like having something tangible in my hands. There is also an electronic version available (Kindle) for around $10.00 on Amazon. **Have you read the Big Book of Hypnosis by Dr. Richard Nongard? What were your impressions?** **Categories:** Mind, News, Reviews **Tags:** Body Scan, hypnosis, Hypnotherapy, wellness, Yoga --- ### [Are You Getting Your Intimacy Needs Met Through Hookups?](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-hookups-study-1203/) **Published:** December 3, 2018 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![leo man in bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/couple-in-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Intimacy comes in many forms** Do you like hooking up? If so, do you prefer this type of encounter because the “no strings attached” \[NSA\] dynamic allows you to get certain needs met? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. While we can’t be sure, it is estimated that somewhere between 40-60% of people have [experienced](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201404/is-casual-sex-the-rise-in-america) a casual hookup over the course of their lifetime. Those numbers (including frequency) are higher for college-age folks (18-25). So, what is going on here? Is it that a bunch of folks just want to be sexually physical or is more complicated? Well, a new study appearing in the *[Journal of Relationships Research](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-relationships-research/article/intimacy-through-casual-sex-relational-context-of-sexual-activity-and-affectionate-behaviours/359BA171B24DEE13F0C032B581CC31AD)* suggests part of the NSA pull relates to intimacy. Yes, you read that right. Some people get their intimacy needs met through casual encounters. At first glance, this may seem odd because hookups typically don’t lend themselves to romance. But when you expand your definition of intimacy to one that allows for closeness, it’s not hard to understand the intrinsic motivations. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/african-american-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) So, here is what happened with the study. Using an Internet- based questionnaire, investigators surveyed 639 college students to assess affectionate behaviors, such as cuddling, foreplay, eye-gazing (you get the drift) across two types of relationships. **Related:** [What if you want to date a hookup?](https://guycounseling.com/why-date-hookup-10-simple-advices-how-to/) One type was the traditional arrangement (committed) and the other type, casual (non-committed). Researchers observed that while affectionate behaviors were desired more in traditional situations, many of the participants engaged in affectionate behaviors during – for lack of a better term – hookups. Ann Merriwether, the study designer who is a developmental psychologist and lecturer at Binghamton University, said NSA encounters are often misread by society today. “We have a stereotype that casual sex (hookups) are just about meaningless sex, but this research shows this is not necessarily true,” said Merriwether. “It shows intimacy is important and desired by many people, especially those who prefer hookups to more traditional relationships,” she adds. Guy Counseling spoke to Dr. Tyler Fortman about the study. He’s a clinical psychologist in Chicago (and contributor to this blog) about the findings. “Intimacy can come in many forms, including casual \[sexual\] encounters with others. It’s not always about a person’s libido or a carnal need. Sometimes, people want to experience closeness with another without having to be committed to them.” So, tell us. Do you engage in casual hookups? If so, is it because you want to have a physical need met or is it more emotionally based? Perhaps a combination of both? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Hookup, intimacy, NSA --- ### [Are Men Really More Turned On During Winter?](https://guycounseling.com/men-arousal-winter/) **Published:** December 2, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![man flannel boxers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/man-boxers.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Maybe winter isn’t all that bad?  Winter is one of those seasons people either love or hate. As a person living in Chicago, I can tell you that I’ve learned to like colder weather, mainly because of the extra exercise I get while shoveling snow. But as a guy, have you ever wondered how winter impacts your libido? You know what I am talking about, right? Your sexual mojo – your level of arousal. What if I told you that during this season, you are more likely to be turned on? Would that strike you as crazy? If so, I don’t blame you. But here is the thing – there is some evidence to suggest it happens to be true. Thanks to the good folks over at [Fatherly](https://tinyurl.com/ybpvhfss), we learned that testosterone levels (in some men) reach their zenith during the months of November and December. Translation? An increased libido. That’s right guys. All those hormones swimming around your system are pumping up your desire to get it on (if you know what I mean). This might explain why so many babies are [conceived](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/babies-conceive-christmas-why-most-parents-couples-conception-a8103201.html) around Christmastime and born in July and August, giving them the [Leo zodiac sign](https://guycounseling.com/leo-man-love-relationships/). ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/winter-camping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Winter – maybe it’s not so bad Apparently, guys are more attracted to women during cold winter months. As shared in the Fatherly piece, researchers surveyed 114 men and observed that they scored certain female body parts significantly higher during wintertime. Citing what behavioral scientists refer to as a phenomenon called the *[contrast effect](https://study.com/academy/lesson/contrast-effect-definition-example.html)*, guys are forced to use their imaginations more because the women they eyeing happen to be wearing more clothes. Is this a form of creative visualization? Perhaps. Here is another interesting factoid about frosty weather and the male sexual functioning. The physical structure of sperm, meaning how it is constituted, is at its healthiest during wintertime. Well, at least that’s what the folks over at [National Geographic](https://blog.nationalgeographic.org/2013/03/19/sperm-works-best-in-the-winter-study-finds/) tell us. At any rate, there you have it, guys. Apparently, chilly air, snow, and frigid temperatures hold certain benefits. So, the next time you start wishing for spring, remember that wintertime isn’t all bad – particularly for your package. h/t: [Fatherly](http://www.fatherly.com/) **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** libido, Men, Winter --- ### [10 Ways You Sabotage Your Fitness Goals](https://guycounseling.com/sabotage-fitness-goals/) **Published:** December 1, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![self-sabotage fitness goals](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-exercising-work-bench.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do you engage in these self-sabotaging behaviors? Have you ever started working on a fitness goal, only to become derailed? In the end, did the experience leave you feeling frustrated? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The hard truth is many people set well-intentioned goals for wellness but never quite make them a reality. In many cases, the reasons can be traced to self-sabotage; a ten-dollar term used to describe the dynamic where a person unintentionally sets themselves up for failure. Hoping to help readers live healthier lives, Guy Counseling spoke to a number of experts about this topic. Some of what follows may strike you as common sense. Other points might surprise you. Read them all to assess how many may apply to your situation. ## 1. Not making fitness a priority A major way you may be messing up your health goals is by not making fitness a priority. Pam Sherman, a certified personal trainer who runs [The Perfect Balance](http://www.theperfectbalance.guru) shared with us: “The number one-way people sabotage their goals is by not setting aside time daily/most days to work on it. Life is busy and crazy always. I advise clients to put their workouts/fitness into their calendars. This way it’s a non-negotiable part of their day. No one ever regrets a workout,” said Sherman. ## 2. Thinking it will be easy Identifying goals and reaching them are two different things. What can make or break achievement is how you view the goal itself. If you think it will be easy, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Raffi Bilek, a licensed psychotherapist and director of the [Baltimore Therapy Center](https://www.baltimoretherapycenter.com/) offered the following insights. “People sabotage their fitness goals by assuming it’s going to be easy. Personal transformation, whether physical, emotional, or mental, takes time and effort – if it feels easy, it probably won’t result in much change.” Bilek adds, “Be prepared to work hard in the gym, but also getting to the gym, sticking to routines, eating right, etc. If you’re hoping for an easy ride, you will be sorely disappointed, and more likely to drop out, when the going gets tough – and it will!” ## 3. Not getting enough sleep You probably know that sleep is important to your overall health. But did you know not getting enough rest can derail your fitness goals? Caleb Backe with [Maple Holistics](https://www.mapleholistics.com/) shared the following insights. “Sleep is necessary to function, optimal health, and well-being. You need sleep to perform your best. It’s also an important part of the post-workout recovery after you train.” Backe adds, “When you work out, you are breaking down existing muscle fibers and tissues. The reason muscles become bigger is because they repair themselves while you sleep. Without \[enough\] sleep, your body won’t have time to repair itself and you could actually [lose lean muscle mass](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/).” ## 4. Playing the game of comparisons Do you compare your body to others? When you do this, does the experience leave you feeling crappy? If so, you aren’t alone. But here is the thing. When you play the game of comparisons, you throw a giant monkey wrench into your fitness plans. Leon Turetsky, a certified personal trainer and corrective exercise specialist who operates [Back Intelligence](http://www.backintelligence.com) imparts the following wisdom. “Well-intentioned people sabotage their fitness goals by comparing themselves to others. At first, they are just happy to start working out and get healthy. But soon after, when they see someone with a slimmer body (or a six pack), they get down on themselves. In the end, they lose sight of what’s important – which is to do their own best, enjoy the moment, and let the results come gradually over time,” says Turetsky. ![attractive muscular black man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are your fitness goals realistic? ## 5. Not getting enough support Research shows that people are more likely to achieve a goal when they have ongoing support. An example might be to drop twenty pounds over the course of a year. That’s realistic, right? Perhaps. But if you don’t have support systems in place during the journey, you may never realize your dream. [Richard Brouillette](http://www.therapywithrichard.com/), a San Diego based licensed mental health clinician shared the following. “We need regular support from others, whether that is a trainer, a friend, or spouse, to cheer us on, hold us accountable, and not shame us when we stumble.” He goes on to add, “When we isolate, we may protect ourselves from feeling shame, but we also increase the chance we go into denial and give up. Change is an upward spiral, not a straight line up. Success and behavior change are built on the desire to win, with a bunch of small failures and recoveries along the way. With each minor failure, our strength grows. But if we are too rigid and don’t see change as constant process of upward movement, we will give up,” says Brouillette. ## 6. Fear of Success Believe it or not, having a fear of success could be the thing lurking in the background that holds you back from achieving your goals. [Dr. Farrah Hauke](https://arizonapsych.com/), a psychologist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona, shared with us the following: “Many individuals trying to lose weight consciously or unconsciously self-sabotage. The reason for this is that even the most longed-for goals have a ‘price’. For example, losing weight may mean a healthier body and improved self-confidence, but it may also mean you cannot eat whatever you want anymore. It might mean a Saturday morning at the gym, as opposed to relaxing on the couch. Compounding this further is the fact that some individuals have long used their ‘weight’ as a personal barrier or shield.” Hauke adds, “Many individuals losing weight are concerned how their weight loss will affect their current relationships and family dynamics. They also can be concerned about unwanted comments or questions about their weight loss.” ![bodybuilding training plateues](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/athlete-bodybuilder-training.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Trying to change too much too soon? ## 7. Changing too much, too fast This one probably is common sense but is worth repeating because of its significance. [Anthony Treas](http://strongmencoaching.com/), a men’s health coach who operates the website Strong Coaching offered the following thoughts on this topic. “People sabotage their fitness goals by expecting to change too many things at one time. It’s important to start off slow. Over time, increase physical activity before trying to eat healthier,” suggests Treas. ## 8. Not staying committed When you set a goal, it’s important to stay committed to the process. This requires ongoing self-dialogue and focus. In the absence of focus, derailment can happen quickly. [Dr. James Millhouse](https://www.atlantapsychologicalassociates.com/index.html), an Atlanta based psychologist makes the following observations. “People \[often\] create failure because of a lack of commitment.” As a remedy, he suggests that folks, “Write down plan down and affirm each day that it is your intention to follow it and achieve your goals. This allows your commitment to remain strong.” ## 9. Getting bored If you’ve been around fitness circles for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard that it’s important to occasionally change things up. The reason is simple. If you get bored with a routine, your motivation will likely nosedive. Keeon Taylor with Supreme Holistic Fitness told us the following. “When you keep doing the same workouts without adding variety or making it more challenging, it’s a recipe for failure.” ## 10. Not properly fueling your body If your goal is to lose weight and pack on muscle, it’s important to look at food as a fuel source. But if you don’t take the right approach in this area, it could throw you off track. [Dr. Alex Tauberg](https://www.thepittsburghchiropractor.com/), a board-certified sports chiropractor in Pittsburg who is also a personal trainer told us the following. “One of the biggest ways in which people sabotage their fitness goals is through an unhealthy or inappropriate diet. When we start to work out more, our bodies react by increasing the amount of hunger that we feel. This can lead to urges for unhealthy snacks. Your diet is extremely important when trying to reach your goals regardless of if that goal is to lose weight or to gain mass,” says Tauberg. ## Wrap Up Well, there you have it. Ten ways you may be self-sabotaging your fitness goals. If you can relate to any of the above, now might be a good time to create a plan of action. **Have you ever set yourself up for failure with exercise? Share how in the comments section below.** **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, News **Tags:** Exercise, Fitness, goals, wellness --- ### [How Safe Is Robotic Surgery?](https://guycounseling.com/robotic-surgery-1130/) **Published:** November 30, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![robotic surgery](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/wall-e-1872683_1280.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Robotic Surgery – a Closer Look Would you allow a robotic surgeon to conduct your operation? That’s the question many people are asking themselves after the UK investigated the death of a recent patient. [Shocking details](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-46143940) from the United Kingdom recently emerged about the dangers of robotic surgery. An inquest was held in November of 2018 to investigate the death of Stephen Pettitt, 69 who died from complications in the first robotic surgery in the UK to treat mitral valve disease. The procedure was conducted by Sukumaran Nair in tandem with the Da Vinci robotic surgery device. The coroner who conducted the autopsy concluded that Pettitt’s death was due to “direct consequence of the operation and its complications” and warned that there “remains a risk of further deaths” from robotic surgery in the UK due to lack of training. Nair had no one-on-one training with the Da Vinci device prior to Pettitt’s fatal operation in 2015. The death of Pettitt in 2015 has prompted the United Kingdom to halt all robotic surgeries and the inquest has generated new concerns in the US, as well. ### Robots – Wave of the Future in Medicine? The Da Vinci surgery system employs tiny incisions in the human body to insert a 3D camera and some small surgical instruments. The surgeon controls the robotic apparatus with a console that has pedals for his/her hands and feet. Using these pedals, the surgeon remotely operates the robotic arm. The robot doesn’t make any moves or actions independently. The FDA approved the Da Vinci robotic surgery system back in 2000 and since then, more than 2,900 systems have been installed in the United States. According to [iData Research](https://idataresearch.com/robotic-surgery-statistics-show-movement-towards-more-minimally-invasive-procedures/), over 693,000 robotic-assisted procedures were performed in 2017 in the United States. Statistical data on the injuries and fatalities from robotic surgery are a bit dated and come from a study that covered robotic surgeries between the years 2000 and 2013. The study entitled *Adverse Events in Robotic Surgery* found that there were 144 deaths, 1,391 injuries, and 8,061 counts of device malfunctions. Those numbers might seem shocking at first glance but considering the sheer volume of robotic surgeries the procedures are within accepted safety margins. That’s little comfort though to someone who is waiting to go under the knife. A [separate study](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-06/uom-fms062118.php) that focused on the effectiveness of robotic-assisted surgery on patients who suffered from bladder cancer found that the procedure was just as safe as surgeries conducted by non-robot-assisted surgeons. Yet, the study was far from comprehensive because it only covered one organ – the bladder. One of the main concerns surrounding robotic surgery is the lack of hands on feedback. During the procedure, the surgeon isn’t touching the body at all.  Dipen J. Parekh, M.D., chair of urology and director of robotic surgery at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine is mindful of this fact and notes – “When you do robotic surgery you don’t feel anything,” Parekh said. “It’s more by visual cues. If you’re doing open surgery you have the organs in your hands, you can feel them, and you assess and do these surgeries accordingly.” Guy Counseling conducted further inquires into this topic in hopes of getting a professional opinion about the safety of the procedure and the specific training a doctor needs to use it. Dragan Golijanin, MD, is a director of the Minimally Invasive Urology Institute and director of Genitourinary Oncology at The Miriam Hospital and is especially versed in robotic surgery. When asked about the safety of the procedure, Golijanin commented that “Extensive training and expertise in using that tool is critical to successful robotic surgery. Research clearly shows hospitals and surgeons that perform a high volume of robotic surgeries have improved outcomes and less complications.” **Related:** [Would you be OK with a robot caretaker?](https://guycounseling.com/caregiver-robot-1123/) When considering the case from the United Kingdom, statistical data and Dr. Golijanin’s remarks together, proper training and practice are key elements to a successful robotic surgery. If you are thinking of having a robot-assisted surgery, be sure to choose a facility and surgeon that is well-versed in the procedure. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Medicine, Robot, Robotic --- ### [Does Your Messy Office Signal You’re a Neurotic Jerk?](https://guycounseling.com/messy-office-personality-1128/) **Published:** November 28, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![workspace office](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/workspace.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New study draws link between messy offices and personality issues. Look around your office for a moment. Is it neat and clean? For example, are papers stacked into piles or are they scattered everywhere? How about your binders and books? Are they standing upright and straight or are they strewn about haphazardly? Believe it or not, your answers to those questions may reveal something about your personality. Well, that is if you believe the results of a new study that suggests having an messy office may telegraph to others that you are an uncaring, neurotic jerk. Yep, you read that right. According to a [University of Michigan](https://news.umich.edu/is-your-office-messy-if-so-you-may-be-seen-as-uncaring-neurotic/) study, folks who have messy workspaces \[unintentionally\] send a negative message about their personalities to coworkers. The findings have been published in the Journal Personality and Individual Differences. “I think this line of research is thought provoking but I’m not sure we can generalize the results to everyone because different workplaces have different norms,” said [Costa Provis](https://goo.gl/omNVoz), a Licensed Psychotherapist who Guy Counseling spoke to about the study. For this investigation, researchers conducted three experiments involving 160 people. Participants were randomly assigned to three offices that were identically decorated. The first was clean and uncluttered. The second was “somewhat” messy. The third was a complete disaster. So, what did the findings show? Well, participants who sat in the second office (“somewhat messy”) assigned negative traits to the occupant, such as being less agreeable and more neurotic than the neat office. And the impression of folks who sat in the third, unkempt workspace? They assigned super undesirable qualities to the occupant, such as being uncaring, highly neurotic, and lacking contentiousness. Sarah Dyszlewski, one of the study’s co-authors, made the following observation. “Once trait information about a target becomes activated in perceivers’ minds, either consciously or unconsciously, that information can subsequently affect how they process information about, the types of questions they ask of, and how they behave toward the target, possibly bringing out the very trait information that they expected to see from the target in the first place,” said Dyszlewski. **Related:** [Do you have a jock personality?](https://guycounseling.com/gym-personality-research-1115/) There are limitations to this research. Probably the biggest drawback is that the offices were designed to give participants the impression they were occupied by a man. Second, some workspaces are naturally going to be “messy” because of the nature of the job. An example might be someone working in the creative space, where clutter is the norm. Finally, there is an argument to be made that an overly organized office may telegraph other undesirable personality traits, such as being a control freak or anally retentive. “Perhaps the biggest takeaway from this study is that people do form first impressions, based on subjective experiences,” commented Provis. “Still, it might not be a bad idea to tidy up your workspace at the end of the day,” he said with a laugh. **What does your workspace look like right now? What impressions do you think it broadcasts about your personality?** **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** Office, Personality, Work --- ### [Wordfence Security Plugin (Premium) Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/wordfence-plugin-review-premium/) **Published:** September 5, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Wordfence Security Plugin Review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/wordfence-plugin-review.jpeg?resize=704%2C469&ssl=1) ## Review of Wordfence Security Plugin Has your WordPress website been hacked? Worried that it might be? Searching around for options to help protect your content and other digital assets? If the answer is yes, I can certainly relate. Not long ago, I was the unfortunate victim of a website hacking. To keep it real, it was an extremely stressful experience. The good news, however, is that I learned a lot in the aftermath. Which brings us to the purpose of this post – a review of the Wordfence Security Plugin with the premium subscription. I’ll walk you through a little background and then give you my impressions of the plugin with the premium subscription. FYI – I am not getting one dime for writing this review. Not from Wordfence and not from an affiliate program. What you are about to read is the real deal. **Getting hacked** Earlier this summer, I started to notice some strange things whenever I signed into WordPress. Examples include plugins being shut off (like AMP) and other plugins not working properly. Concerned, I decided to visit my site as a website visitor, just like you are now. Sure enough, when I clicked on certain posts, I was redirected to landing pages offsite that was nothing more than spam. Indeed, I had been hacked. Within a day of discovering the intrusion, I also received an email from Google Search Console informing me that my blog had been compromised. As a result, the search engine behemoth stuck a nasty note the search results for the site with a screaming headline that read, “This site may have been hacked”. Panicked, I wasn’t sure what to do. ![laptop computer with notepad and coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/interview-expert-on-mens-topics.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) After calming down, I remembered a fellow blogger who runs the website, [Consumer Press](https://consumer.press/). His name is Chris Andrews and he’s an expert at these types of things. For a reasonable fee, I paid him for a consultation and help with figuring out what was up. In no time, he began investigating the hack. As part of his work, he installed the Wordfence security plugin (free version) and was able to identify a number of different viruses that had infected my blog. Additionally, because of his unique skills, he was also to clean the malware from my server’s htaccess files. Wahoo! My site was once again virus-free. After advising Google that the matter had been resolved, they removed the nasty hack warning their search engine results. **More:** [Acer Aspire 3 laptop a good deal?](https://guycounseling.com/acer-aspire-3-laptop-review/) But here is the thing. I was still curious to know how the bastards busted into my site in the first place. Moreover, I also wanted to prevent \[to the extent possible\] another incident from ever happening again. That’s when I decided to purchase the premium version of the Wordfence Security Plugin. And let me tell you, I am VERY glad that I did. While the free version does a fantastic job of identifying malware, it is limited in its abilities. When you have the premium version, there is a “Repair” function that isolates the threat and makes recommendations. In most cases, “premium” will also alert you to a changed plugin file and allow you to fix the problem on the spot. Here’s everything you get with the premium version of the plugin, which costs $99.00 a year: - Real-Time Threat Defense Feed - Country Blocking - Check if Site IP is Generating Spam - Check if Site is Spamvertized - Two Factor Authentication - Web Application Firewall - Block Brute Force Attacks - Advanced Manual Blocking - Malware Scanner - View Blocked Intrusion Attempts - View Google Crawl Activity - View Bots and Crawlers - View Logins and Logouts - View Human Visitors - Repair Files - Monitor Disk Space - Get Detailed IP Info ## ![specialty coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/coffee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Is a Wordfence premium subscription worth the money? So, you may be wondering if paying the additional money for the upgraded version of Wordfence is worth it? All I can tell you is that I’ve been very happy. In the brief time that I’ve had this service running, I have seen first-hand the marvel of their technology. Examples include watching “Live Traffic” and seeing bots from known hack locations/countries being automatically blocked from my site. Have you ever watched Star Trek? You know how when the Enterprise is under attack, the captain usually commands someone to “raise shields”? That’s how the Wordfence Defense network operates. It literally raises the shields of protection on your website, repelling back harmful bots – and live humans – who are trying to do damage. Already, there have been two situations that Wordfence has alerted me to potential threats. Was someone trying to hack in again? Maybe. But thanks to the plugin, I was able to take actions to make sure that didn’t happen. ## So, what happened to my site? You are probably wondering what happened to my site? How did it get hacked? The answer to that question can to me in the form of a report. You see, I hired a Wordfence Security Professional to audit my entire site, including the databases, to see what happened. Because I had a premium membership, it didn’t cost me that much. Long story short, the specialist informed me that he had serious reason to believe the hackers had gotten in via Jetpack; a common plugin used on many WordPress sites. You can learn all about it on a [blog post](https://www.wordfence.com/blog/2018/05/wordpress-com-jetpack-infection/) put out by the company. Additionally, he gave me a detailed analysis of possible vulnerabilities and suggested that I make some changes. Yep, that’s right – when you hire them, they give you a massive report that’s all about how to keep your site safe. ## Impressions I realize there are other reviews online that suggest Wordfence isn’t that great and that the premium version isn’t worth the money. All I can tell you is simply this – that hasn’t been my experience. I like the easy to use interface and intuitive nature of the technology. There’s just something calming that comes with knowing your site is being protected in real-time against threats. I don’t even have to schedule scans – the plugin does it all for me. ## Final Thoughts Personally, I have found Wordfence to be an extremely valuable asset. You will have to decide if you think spending the money for an upgrade license is worth the dough. Speaking only for myself, I’m glad I did it. In fact, so much so that I’ve installed the premium version on other sites I operate. **Do you have the Wordfence Security plugin? Are you using the free or premium version? What has been your experience?** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Blog, Plugin, Technology, website, Wordfence --- ### [Watching Superman Can Activate Your Inner Superhero](https://guycounseling.com/superman-psychology-study-1126/) **Published:** November 26, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![superman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/superman.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Superheroes inspire you more than you think Are you a fan of Superman? How about superheroes in general, like Thor, Spiderman, Captain America or The Flash? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. As children, most of us grew up with a favorite superhero and remained attached to that character well into adulthood. Speaking only for myself, I can tell you that I always dug Superman, in all of his different debuts, including Smallville. Perhaps you can relate? Well, it turns out that watching those caped crusaders doing their superhero thing may have impacted you more than you think. Yep, that’s right. According to a new study published in the journal *[Frontiers in Psychology](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02243/full)*, folks who are exposed to superhero images, like Green Arrow, for example, are more likely to engage in superhero behaviors. Specifically, I’m talking about prosocial behaviors; a $10 term used to describe actions that are designed to benefit others and society as a whole. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/9vVCPK87Aw6v6/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Investigators exposed 245 participants to common household images that contained subtle echoes of a superhero, like Superman or Spiderman. What researchers discovered were the participants who were shown these images were significantly more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors when compared to folks who were not. **Related:** [Here’s how to get Thor’s beard](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) Dr. Jeffrey Green, a study author and associate professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University, shared the following about the study. “Heroes come in many shapes and forms. Some are fictional and others are real-life role models. We decided to study the effect of well-known fictional heroes, such as Superman or Spiderman, as people may tend to be more motivated to emulate behaviors where there is little realism,” said Green. Investigators believe that future research may help us to better understand real-life superheroes, like firefighters and other emergency responders, with the goal of better understanding what motivates them. Guy Counseling spoke to Alan Tsang, a [psychotherapist](https://goo.gl/Ks3pfp) in private practice to get his reaction to this study. “The research is interesting. It makes sense that heroic actions, even when seen on film or T.V., inspire people to move beyond themselves and focus on the needs of others. It would be interesting to see future studies and assess if some people were inspired early on to help others and how that influenced their career choices,” Tsang said. Well, there you have it, folks. Maybe watching all of those Avengers movies provided more than fun entertainment. It’s possible the imagery sparked your inner-helper. **Who is your favorite superhero? Has this character had an impact on you in some way?** **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** Captain America, research, Superhero, Superman, Thor --- ### [7 Awesome Fitness Apps To Build Your Dream Body](https://guycounseling.com/fitness-apps-1125/) **Published:** November 25, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive man running with fitness app](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-running.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Cool fitness apps that really work Most people find it hard to stay focused on their fitness goals on their own — they need a little external help. Apps can be just the thing. Whatever kind of fitness activity you may need help with, there’s probably an app to inspire you and help you. The following selection of apps should get you started. Not only are they innovative, high-quality and free, they are available both on iOS and Android. ## 1. Gym Pact Sometimes referred to as “[Pact](http://static.gym-pact.com/)”, this free app works on a reward-penalty system. To get started, you first need to commit to a certain amount of exercise each week. If you keep to your commitment, you get a small cash reward – under $5. If you come up short, you pledge to pay a penalty. It’s these penalties that help pay for the rewards that others get. The idea that you can lose money for falling behind can be a great incentive – even if it isn’t much. **Related:** [Ultimate pushup guide](https://guycounseling.com/push-up-guide/) It’s enough to get most people moving. *Pact* knows if you work out or not by following you run through GPS. To help it track other workouts, you need to supply photos. ## 2. Nike The [Nike Training Club app](https://www.nike.com/us/en_us/c/nike-plus/training-app) comes with dozens of workouts that range from 15 minutes to 45 minutes each in duration. Each workout offers the full experience — video demonstrations and step-by-step instructions. All demonstrations are done by celebrities, celebrity trainers and top athletes from around the world. Whatever your fitness aims may be, such as losing weight, getting toned or building muscle, Nike Training Club gives you the choice of multiple workouts. You get far more than simply a bunch of videos. The app helps you measure the number of minutes that you work out and keeps track of the calories you burn If you mostly love running, rather than mixed workouts, the Nike+ Running app is a dedicated runner’s tool that you should check out. It allows you to track the distance you run, the pace you maintain, the number of minutes you run, the calories you burn and so on. You get to share everything you do with your friends, too. If you have a running event to train for — a 5K run or a half-marathon, for instance — the app comes with richly featured training programs and training tips to help you get there. For runners, the RunKeeper and Runtastic Pro apps are other excellent choices. ## 3. Runtastic Six-Pack Abs As is evident from the name, this app is all about your abs. You get a wide variety of workouts right from 7-minute ones to ones that last 10 weeks — all help you get closer to the six-pack of your dreams. All the workouts included are in full HD and you get to share the results you achieve with your friends, too. The workouts included in [Runtastic](https://www.runtastic.com/en/sixpack) go far beyond the ordinary trainer videos that other apps offer – what this one does is to show you high-definition images of the muscle groups that you target with each exercise that you go for. This way, you know where exactly you need to feel what you’re doing. Whatever kind of workout you’re doing, it comes with great music to go along with it, too. ## 4. Fitocracy [Fitocracy](https://www.fitocracy.com/) is a kind of social network for fitness fans. The network has more than half a million fitness trainers and nutrition experts from around the world on board. **Related:** [Working through bodybuilding plateaus](https://guycounseling.com/training-plateaus-bodybuilding/) Whatever exercises and workouts you sign up for, you win points and then badges when you keep to your commitment. You can get competitive, connect with other workout partners and do other fun, group fitness stuff. If staying fit is all about the camaraderieto you, Fitocracy is for you. ## 5. Boston Marathon World Run If the Boston Marathon inspires you, you can be a part of it even if you’re nowhere near Boston. You can get involved by pledging to run or walk a certain distance over a certain period of time — whatever you wish to commit to. You can then share what you’ve done with the best Boston Marathon athletes and receive Facebook medals and certificates for your trouble. [See link](https://www.baa.org/). ## 6. Fooducate While workouts are important to your fitness and weight loss plans, watching what you eat can help you ensure that you don’t slide back on the gains you make with unnecessary calories in your diet. Many people are careful enough about their home-cooked meals. Where they slip up is in buying packaged foods at the supermarket. This is where [Fooducate](https://www.fooducate.com/) helps. It lets you scan the barcode on every item that you’re considering buying at the supermarket, to learn how healthy the food is — whether the calories it gives you are nutritious or empty ones. The app also gives you a list of alternatives that you can consider. ## 7. HealthyOut [HealthyOut](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/healthyout-healthy-restaurant-nutrition-guide/id566409966?mt=8) takes care of the other way of putting unplanned calories into your system. Yep, I’m talking about eating out. While restaurant meals don’t come with nutrition labels, this app does the next best thing. Once you key in information about what your nutritional needs are (low carb, low fat, low sodium, South Beach or anything else), HealthyOut suggests a restaurant in your town that has meals that will work for you. If you are worried about fat and calorie content when dining out, this is a must have app to call upon. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Apps, bodybuilding, Exercise, Fitness --- ### [Would You Let a Robot Take Care of You in Old Age?](https://guycounseling.com/caregiver-robot-1123/) **Published:** November 23, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![companion robot](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/zora-robot.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Caregiver robots are here Robots – they aren’t a new concept. In some form or another, they’ve been part of our pop culture for decades. One only has to look at R2D2, C3PO or BB8 from the Star Wars franchise as examples. In many ways, robotic companions have become romanticized in recent years. Just tap on Netflix and watch the rebooted *Lost In Space* and you’ll see what I mean. What’s interesting is that we now live in a time where fantasy and reality have started to blur. No longer are robotic companions figments of the imagination. Instead, they apparently are quite real. Don’t believe me? Then I encourage you to meet Zora, a super cute robot that was recently featured in the NYT ([see article](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/11/23/technology/robot-nurse-zora.html)). It turns out that in France, Zora is being used as a caregiver for the elderly in a nursing facility. Yep, that’s right. Older folks (in part) are getting their emotional needs met by an automated machine that speaks, sings, teaches, and can even play games. But there is more. This knee-high whizzbang also encourages physical activity. While Zora can’t attend to complex tasks, like administering medications or change bedsheets But the robot does act as a kind of companion for people who might otherwise be alone. As a counselor, I honestly don’t have a problem with this kind of technology. Well, at least not in its current form. But I am concerned that as robots like Zora advance, necessary human experiences, such as touch and compassion, may be lost. But here is the thing. According to the NYT piece mentioned above, we may be heading towards a robotic future rather we like it or not. “In nearly every country, the population of older adults is rising. The number of people over 60 will more than double to 2.1 billion by 2050, according to the United Nations.” The article points out that given the metrics, there simply won’t be enough healthcare providers to meet the need gap. As a result, society may be forced to turn to robots as a caregiving solution. So, what would that be like? In roughly thirty years from now, will robots like Zora become super-advanced? Will they be able to wish you a good morning, make you breakfast, and deliver a pain-reliever. And what happens if you are lonely? Will a Zora-like Robot be able to intuit your sadness and hold out his/her hands for a hug? This all may sound silly but given the rise of artificial intelligence, plus advancements in robotic medicine, none of this is hard to imagine. Already we’ve seen the use of [robotics in counseling](https://guycounseling.com/robot-counseling-study/) and psychotherapy. Need a romantic partner? Guess what, that is apparently possible too ([see post](https://guycounseling.com/rush-embrace-male-sex-robots-troubling/)). But when it comes to having a piece of machinery programmed to take care of you in your old age, perhaps at a time when you are most vulnerable, is this something you would embrace? There are practical questions of course. For example, can a droid administer your insulin shot? What happens if you refuse to take your medicine – will the robot zap you? Obviously, I am approaching this topic tongue in cheek. That said, we do live in a time where robotic companions have become a reality. The only question is how far they will advance and how much society will allow this emerging technology to become substitutes for human interaction. **Would you be OK with a robot taking care of you in your old age? Why or why not? Love to hear your thoughts.** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Artificial Intelligence, Robot, Robots --- ### [10 Things About Drunk Hookups that Might Surprise You](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-drunk-intimacy/) **Published:** November 23, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![alcohol couple drinking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/couple-alcohol.jpg?resize=640%2C427&ssl=1) ## Drinking, alcohol and sex Have you ever had a drunk hookup? You know what I’m talking about, right? That’s when you’ve had way too many drinks and combined that experience with someone else who also happens to be inebriated. Can you relate? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Many people have found themselves in exactly this type of situation, consensually of course. But is getting your intimacy on while drunk a good idea? The choice, of course, is up to you. What follows are 10 things about drunk hookups that might surprise you. Yep, we’re talking about the good, bad, and ugly. ## 1. Alcohol dulls the senses There’s no question about it. Upon having a few drinks, you will experience an initial high as alcohol crosses the blood-brain barrier and flows into your system. But over the course of time, alcohol actually transforms into a central nervous system [depressant](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23713737), thereby dulling all of your senses, particularly touch. ## 2. Lowers inhibitions Have you ever heard of the term *liquid courage?* In short, this is when you’ve tied a few on and experience a lowering of inhibitions. Examples include feeling less worried about body image issues or less concerned about [being rejected](https://guycounseling.com/approach-women-confidence/). In the bedroom, lower inhibitions can translate into reduced anxiety about pleasing a partner. ## 3. Booze centers you in the moment. While this one may initially sound crazy, it’s not when you think about it. As a result of point number two, alcohol can help a person experience less anxiety, thereby allowing them to forget about personal worries, also known as anxiety. Granted, the effects are only temporary and will diminish as the booze wears off. But during the peak period, an intoxicated person is less stressed and more relaxed. In turn, they are more likely to stay in the moment and tuned into the person they are sleeping with. ## 4. Enhances feelings of attraction There’s plenty of research to suggest that people who are drunk feel more attracted to a partner than they might otherwise sober. In fact, there is a phenomenon [known as beer goggles](https://guycounseling.com/beer-goggles-hook-behaviors-1223/) whereby a person experiences intense attraction. Some have called this a cognitive distortion. While this may be partially true, other factors also go into the dynamic, such as the intoxicated person’s state of mind and general libido state. ## 5. Dulls emotions It doesn’t matter if you get drunk off whiskey or beer. When you are intoxicated, you are less likely to experience feeling state emotions, such as pleasure and love. And while it is true you may be more focused on the moment, that doesn’t always mean you stay attuned to your partner. In fact, drunken hookups can paradoxically act as an emotional separator, causing some folks to feel less attached. ## 6. Clouds judgment This one should come as no surprise. When you are drunk, you may poor choices, also known as impaired judgment clinical circles. The end result can mean engaging in risky sex or partaking in activities, such as using substances, that you might otherwise sober. ## 7. Decreases performance Wanting to do something and actually carrying it through to completion are two different things. This is particularly true when you are drunk and trying to get your fun on in the bedroom. For men, it is very common to experience decreased erectile functioning. For women, vaginal dehydration can occur. ## 8. Removal of verbal filter When you are drunk, you sometimes say things that you later regret. In the context of bedroom intimacy, this can mean saying something to a mate that would never mention while sober. Examples include professing a secret love another person or being critical a mate’s body part. Some women have reported being fat-shamed by a drunk partner; something that obviously would be an immediate buzzkill. ## 9. Accidental flatulence Perhaps one of the most embarrassing things that can happen during sexy-time is when you or your partner accidentally fart. This is particularly true during a first time hook up. Alcohol is an irritant to the entire gastrointestinal system. As a result, it creates gasses as a way of evacuating itself of waste and toxins. **Related:** [How booze makes depression worse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) Certain types of alcohol, such as beer, are more likely to make you fart. The reason? Most commercial beers are injected with gas as part of the manufacturing process. In addition, ethanol, a key ingredient in beer, also promotes gas formation within the digestive tract. ## 10. It’s not memorable One doesn’t have to be blackout drunk to forget certain details while intoxicated. Even small amounts of booze can cause lapses in memory. Take a moment right now and reflect on the last time you shared intimacy while intoxicated. How much of it do you *really* remember? Chances are, not much. ## Wrap Up There’s nothing wrong with two people enjoying a few drinks and consensually becoming intimate. But if your goal is to experience something pleasurable and memorable, you might want to skip the booze altogether. Remember there is *always* a morning after. Wouldn’t you rather wake up refreshed and restored with no regrets? **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Alcohol, Drinking, intimacy --- ### [5 Tips for Buying a Car on the Cheap](https://guycounseling.com/cheap-car-buying-tips/) **Published:** November 23, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![cheap car tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-cheap-car-tips.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Hacks for buying a new car Holiday season is prime time for buying new vehicles. Yet, most people find all the haggling and tricky financial jargon a huge deterrent for setting foot on a dealership lot. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Here are the top 5 helpful tips for getting the best deal on your new ride. Car salesmen get a bad rap for being sharky, crafty devils who’ll say anything to “get you into a new car today”. You don’t have to think of them as adversaries. Buying a new car isn’t necessarily a battle of wits either. It’s more like a game, and games can be fun if you play them well. When buying a car, you just need to do some research ahead of time, have a realistic budget in mind and avoid being led in the wrong direction. ## 1. When to Shop Sometimes, getting the best deal on a new or used vehicle depends on the time of year and the state of the market. Auto dealers are keen to move vehicles off the lot near the end of the sales quarter. Dealerships have targets that they need to hit and these sales targets pop out in **bold print** near the end of their sales cycle. A dealer will most likely agree to take a loss and slash their sticker price if that means they will get closer to hitting their sales target. **More:** [Would you pay 2 million for a car?](https://guycounseling.com/koenigsegg-agera-rs/) You should also consider timely finance deals. Currently, auto dealers are offering 72-month, zero interest loans on select new vehicles to boost sales before the end of the year. GM is offering zero percent for 72 months on the Silverado pickup, Chevy Equinox and Tahoe. Ford is offering a 72-month, zero interest loan on the F-150 pickup truck, as well. Nissan has a similar deal for 60 months on their Altima, Maxima, Rogue, Murano and Titan models. According to Edmunds, zero percent interest deals are at their lowest rate in 11 years, accounting for just 3.8 percent of vehicle sales. Automakers will likely stop offering them all together, but you can still take advantage of zero percent interest loans until the end of the year. “The reports of the death of zero percent were exaggerated”, said GM spokesman Jim Cain. “We said all along it was an important part of our tool kit. Zero percent has proven to be a good motivator.” ## 2. Trade-Ins You can use the value of your previous vehicle to get a better deal on your next vehicle with a trade-in. Just be reasonable. Car owners tend to overvalue their old faithful steeds, but you can count on car salesmen to almost religiously devalue your trade-in. What you want to avoid are dealerships that offer a blanket price for all trade-ins regardless of condition. This might be a figure like $5,000 or less. Most likely, that figure will get swallowed up in the negotiation and you’ll leave wondering how your trade-in really saved you money. You want to allow your trade-in vehicle to stand on its own merits, not the dealership’s pre-calculated margin. Think of your trade-in vehicle like a hole card in a game of Texas Hold ‘Em. The salesman will ask right away what you’ve got, but you need to keep that information to yourself until it’s time to talk numbers. Let them field a price first. Then, mention that you want to trade in your “like new” family mover. This way, the dealer will have fewer options to tuck that trade in value beneath other fees and hidden costs. ![cheap car hacks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/car-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Buying a car on the cheap ## 3. Bring a Savvy Buddy One way to get a good deal on a new or used car is to bring an automobile expert with you to the lot. This can be your local mechanic or just a gearhead buddy who knows his way around an engine. When it was time for my Dad to get a used car, he brought me along. My job was to say very little and look for anything that would drop the value of the vehicles being shown to my Dad. **More:** [Dreams about driving decoded](https://guycounseling.com/driving-car-dream-meaning/) Car dealers hate the savvy buddy. Just bringing him along will make them nervous. In my case, the dealer tried to sell my Dad on a Lexus sedan with a gorgeous leather interior and two hundred thousand miles on the odometer, but I got underneath the car and found an ugly crack in the oil pan and a wobble in the suspension. I steered my Dad toward a smaller, cheaper Honda sedan with cloth interior. The engine had low mileage and ran like a top. He tells his friends all the time how I saved him a ton of money. Bringing a savvy buddy is less effective when shopping for a new vehicle. Most new cars and trucks are in excellent condition. The purpose of bringing someone along in this case is just to keep the salesman off balance. You’re free to exhibit positive responses to the salesman just as long as your savvy buddy doesn’t like anything that he shows you. This keeps the transaction neutral. The salesman might try to sell you on premium trim features that push the price tag, but your savvy mechanic will remind you that you really don’t need heated AND ventilated leather seats or an auto-dimming rearview mirror. ## 4. Don’t Play Favorites Car salesmen are extremely observant. Chances are they’ve spotted you walking on the lot well before you’ve spotted them. That means they’re looking at your browsing habits and trying to determine what type of vehicle draws your interest. You need to exude a calm, patient demeanor that isn’t swayed by any particular vehicle. If you have a favorite car that you want to buy, don’t look at it for too long. Save all the wish-listing for online shopping. The [Harvard Business Review](https://hbr.org/2015/11/the-new-science-of-customer-emotions) published a fascinating study in 2015 that found that emotionally-connected customers are 52 percent more valuable to retailers than potential customers who were simply satisfied with a particular service or product. Emotional thinking is stronger than logical thinking in most individuals and car salesmen will stop at nothing to keep you in the euphoric state of “love at first sight”. When you go to a dealership, don’t get google-eyed by the shiny, new SUV on the showroom podium. If a salesman spots this type of behavior, he’ll try to appeal to your vanity and get you behind the wheel of your favorite car at a price that is less advantageous to you. They’re very good at taking the emphasis off the cold hard facts and communicating to you based on your feelings about a certain vehicle. ## 5. Take It Easy You can’t forget that buying a new or used car involves a personal interaction. Your body language, conversational skills and general likeability do play a role in the deal you get. Don’t make it a battle if it doesn’t have to be one. Try to evaluate your car salesman on a personal level. He’s going to do the same to you. He’ll undoubtedly ask you questions about your family, work life, and personal interests to form a working bond, albeit a tenuous one that ends with you buying a vehicle. Use the same tactics to your advantage. **More:** [How to change your oil](https://guycounseling.com/change-motor-oil-dyi/) Another thing to consider is walking away from the negotiation. This actually works if you do it just once and only at the right time. In that same Honda deal with my father, we got up from the table and drove off the lot because we weren’t getting good rates on the financing. My Dad was bummed out about it, but we didn’t get five miles down the highway before his phone rang. It was the salesman begging us to come back to finish the deal. **Do you have any money saving tips for buy a car?** **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Automoiles, cars --- ### [Men Who Use Steroids at Higher Risk of Early Death](https://guycounseling.com/steroids-early-death-study/) **Published:** November 22, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![steroids death](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/muscular-man-bodybuilder.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Early deaths linked to steroid use in study If you are a guy who regularly lifts weights, there is a good chance you’ve wondered about using steroids. Specifically, I’m talking about trying an injectable, like Deca-Durabolin or testosterone cypionate. Let’s be real. Who doesn’t want to make faster gains while creating a powerful, more muscular bod? The temptation may be even more alluring if you’ve been slaving away at the gym and seeing few results. You’ve probably avoided using these substances because you have heard of their [negative side effects](https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/anabolic-steroids). Examples include kidney problems, liver dysfunction, hair loss, shrinking testicles, cardiovascular damage and increased risk of prostate cancer. But did you know that injecting anabolic steroids can also send you to an early grave? Yep, it’s true and I’m not passing this along to scare you. According to a new study published in the *[Journal of Internal Medicine](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/13652796)*, guys who used steroids were three times more likely to experience an early death when compared to those who did not. Investigators studied 545 men who injected and tracked their health over a period of 7.4 years. The study found that men who regularly used these substances were at higher risk of dying than the control groups. ![attractive muscular black man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Thinking of using steroids? And if an early death doesn’t scare you, perhaps some of the other findings will. Researchers recorded nasty side effects from the use of these drugs among participants, including higher rates of acne, gynecomastia \[man-boobs\], and erectile dysfunction. According to lead author Dr. Henrik Horwitz of the University of Copenhagen, “This study has shown that anabolic steroids are associated with a range of side effects that can be directly attributed to their pharmacological activities.” On the psychological level, it is understandable that some might want to reach for a chemical substance to get bigger. But if you are wondering why you aren’t making muscular gains or keeping what you’ve got, it might be helpful to explore natural options as opposed to chemical ones. Read this article on [how you lose muscle mass](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) and what to do about it. Well, there you have it, folks. Another reason to avoid steroid use. The science suggests that it can send you to an early grave. **Have you used steroids? If so, did you experience any adverse side effects?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** bodybuilding, Drugs, Steroids --- ### [My Girlfriend Wants a Break, Says She "Needs Space"](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-break-space/) **Published:** August 28, 2018 **Author:** Brian Tomasio **Content:** ![man after break up - partner asks for space](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/break-up.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **When she wants to pause the relationship and asks for space** ## **His Question** *Recently, my girlfriend told me that she wants to take a break from our relationship. According to her, she needs space to think about things and wants to slow things down.* *We’ve been dating for around a year and I thought everything was going OK. Either I’ve been completely oblivious or there is something else going on. Has she been cheating on me?* *Any thoughts on how to respond to what she’s saying? I feel like total crap now.* *-Deeply confused* ## **The Answer** Hi, DC, As I read your note, I immediately knew this was the kind of issue a lot of guys encounter over the course of their dating lives. There’s nothing more crushing than having feelings for someone and making an emotional investment in them, only to be told that perhaps, they don’t feel the same way. No, your girlfriend didn’t come right out and say this but her sentiments none the less can be interpreted this way. I’m going to answer what you’ve asked here, keeping in mind there are missing details, such as what may have led up to her request. I can imagine the first place your mind traveled to was to a place of self-blame. After being told this news, you likely asked her “why”? If your experience was like most guys, the response you got was probably less than satisfying. Sound familiar? But here is the thing. It’s entirely possible has requested a relational pause for reasons that have nothing to do with you. There are a number of reasons this could be, including a realization that (perhaps) things were moving more quickly than she’d like. Prior to the two of you becoming an item, was she involved with someone else? If so, that could also be part of the mix. Let’s be real for a moment, OK? Sometimes, to heal from one broken relationship, some folks jump into new ones as a way of medicating the pain. Not that we are a monolithic group but I know a lot of guys who do this after [breaking up](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/). It’s no different for women. If that is what happened here, then you must realize this is about her stuff. It’s hard to have emotional space for someone when your heart is still wounded, you know? Putting all of this aside, it’s also entirely possible that she wants a break because of issues happening in your relationship. The possibilities run the gamut – from her not feeling appreciated, to [sexual dissatisfaction](https://guycounseling.com/not-attracted-471/) to general boredom. What’s troubling is that you don’t exactly know the cause. I mention this because I’m thinking if you did, you’d have mentioned it in your message. Did the two of you struggle with communications in your relationship? Were issues avoided because they felt uncomfortable to discuss? Were there times when she brought up certain topics that were ultimately ignored? Again, these are things you will need to think about. Go back in your mind and reflect on some of your conversations. The answers may not come to you all at once because you’re still reeling from the pain. Moving on … Let’s talk about the possibility of infidelity for a moment, meaning [her cheating on you](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/). I’m going here because you hinted at this possibility in your note. I want you to take a deep breath and ask yourself if you think she stepped out on you. As you do this, I also want you to trust your instincts as part of the process. Should your inner voice tell you this is probably the case, you need to pay attention. Whenever we forge an emotional bond with someone and a violation of trust occurs, there is almost always a “change in the force”. Yes, I’m using a silly Star Wars metaphor but I think you get my drift. Here’s some things to consider. Before asking for the break, did you notice she was pulling away? Could you sense she seemed more distant and less connected? Were there other changes in behavior that, upon reflection, \[now\] seem kind of strange? Here’s what I know. Your [inner voice](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-97352-004) is almost always right. People sometimes wonder what the difference is between paranoia the inner voice. It’s simple. One operates from a place of fear. The other emanates from the center of truth. Make sense? Infidelity comes in many forms. For men, it’s often a carnal thing and based on the physical. This can be true for women as well, however, there’s *almost always* an emotional component attached. Let’s assume for a moment that she has been cheating. Would knowing this help you with understanding the reason behind the break? Perhaps it might – but chances are you’d also feel worse than you do right now. But it’s better to know now, right? Finally, let’s move on to the last part of your note: *How to respond* *to her?* **The answer is simple: Be direct and ask.** Don’t edit yourself when you do this. Instead, request to meet face to face. If possible, try to do it somewhere semi-private, just in case the conversation gets intense. Hopefully, she’ll respond by telling you her reasons in a transparent way. Brace yourself for the answers because you may get feedback you don’t want to hear. If, on the other hand, she comes off as shady and doesn’t offer up anything concrete, don’t push it. The last thing you want is for her to invent sh– just to pacify you. D.C, I wish I knew the reason the woman you’ve been dating wants to take a break. Search your relational history and take an inventory. Have there been ladies in the past who didn’t want to date you for a [specific reason](https://guycounseling.com/women-refuse-date-men/)? Only you know the answer. In the final analysis, when someone does ask for a pause, take it as a strong indication that a full-on break up is on the horizon. In fact, a request for space usually means things are already over. Sorry to hear you are struggling right now. It’s no doubt a tough time. Hopefully, you’ll get some answers in near future. But even if you don’t, things are going to be OK. *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Break Up, Cheating, Dating, Infidelity --- ### [What’s New With the KIA Soul EV 2019?](https://guycounseling.com/kia-soul-2019-review-1121/) **Published:** November 21, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![kia 2019](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/kia-2019-pic.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of the KIA Soul EV 2019 The [2019 Kia Soul](https://www.kia.com/us/en/vehicle/soul/2019/ev) EV is an all-electric compact crossover vehicle that banks heavily on its eccentric style and copious driving range. It’s not exceptionally fast and the Soul doesn’t come with all-wheel drive, but what it lacks in speed the Soul EV makes up for in technology. It’s truly a smart vehicle with built in systems like Apple Car Play and Android Auto to keep you connected while you enjoy a petrol-free lifestyle. ## Intro to the Soul EV The 2019 Kia Soul EV is sure to turn heads with its unique, upright dimensions. It’s a compact crossover vehicle that exchanges the internal combustion engine for a fully electric drivetrain. New improvements over the previous year’s Kia Soul include a larger touchscreen, rearview camera, and voice recognition as standard features. The Soul EV comes in only two model trims: the EV+ and base model EV. The EV+ has fog lights, a cargo cover, power-folding mirrors, some interior leather and lighting accents and an available panoramic sunroof top. ## How Does It Work? The 2019 Kia Soul EV has an all-electric driving range of 111 miles. The miles per gallon equivalent is 124 in the city and 93 miles on the highway. There are two charging ports, one for standard AC and one for DC fast-charging the Soul’s lithium ion polymer battery bank. AC charging is convenient because it utilizes the same power outlets you use at home for an overnight fill-up. 240-volt charge stations can be easily located with the UVO eco app. The DC fast-charging option can provide 80 percent power in just 30 minutes. The Soul’s 360-volt electric motor only gets 109 horsepower. The electric propulsion of the 2019 Kia Soul might lack horsepower, but it delivers 210 lb. ft. of torque instantaneously to the drivetrain. **Related:** [5 awesome muscle cars reviewed](https://guycounseling.com/2018-muscle-cars-825/) You don’t have to wait for the engine to rev-up and there’s no lag between switching gears like you would find in an internal combustion engine. The Soul EV works on an automatic transmission that has a D for drive mode and a B for regenerative braking mode. The Active Eco System sacrifices torque for regenerative braking when selected. This way you can convert more of your braking energy back into the electrical system to further extend your driving range. Driving an all-electric vehicle does have monetary perks, as well. There’s nearly $10,000 in tax incentives on both the state and federal level. ## Exterior Style The 2019 Kia Soul has one of the most polarizing exterior designs that you’re likely to see on the road today. Where most vehicles are curvaceous with flowing lines, the Soul is boxy and upright. The new Kia Soul comes in five main paint palettes, but they all range from white to black with various shades of grey in between. Some dealers will have two-tone options available though. There’s a black body with Inferno Red roof and accents. There’s also a Caribbean Blue paint with a white top. Perhaps since the body shape is one that you either love or hate, automakers at Kia decided to tone it down on the color schemes. Interestingly, the electric charge port is revealed by a slide-away compartment hidden in the front grille itself. That’s just another example of the Kia Soul’s out-of-the-box design language with the new 2019 model. The rear end has also banked on the missing internal combustion engine by axing the exhaust pipes and sculpting the bumper to look more aggressive. ## Interior Comfort Compact crossovers aren’t expected to have loads of interior space, but the 2019 Kia Soul EV doesn’t feel cramped inside. It’s laid out in an intelligent, efficient way that makes good use of its body shape and the locations of its electrical power systems. The height of the vehicle gives 39 and a half inches of headroom. The split folding rear bench gives way to 49 and a half cubic feet of cargo space. The materials and fabrics inside the Soul reveal the economy grade price tag. The Bio Fabric seats aren’t the most comfortable in the class, but you’ll have peace of mind knowing that 80 percent of the petroleum-based plastics used for polyester seating were replaced with sugarcane and corn extracts. The EV+ model does have leather-trimmed seating that’s also heated and ventilated. Yet, even in the EV+ you won’t be able to totally get away from that so-called Bio Material which still comprises parts of the headliner, floormats and front dashboard. ## Technology The 2019 Kia Soul does an exceptional job of matching its quirky style with next level technology. Each Kia Soul comes with push button start/stop, power windows, and USB port. The electrical power systems are easily managed through a 3.5-inch OLED display in the instrument cluster. It tells you how much battery life you have left in the system and an estimate of your remaining driving range. You can also use a free downloadable app to keep tabs on your energy consumption. Thankfully, the Kia Soul has Apple CarPlay and Android Auto compatibility. The center console has button controls and a generous 8-inch touchscreen to access radio, navigation and phone services. Most of those controls are also echoed on the steering wheel. One interesting technological feature is the climate control. The electronics in a vehicle naturally give off some heat energy, but the 2019 Soul EV has a pump system that reclaims that thermal energy and redirects it back into the heating and cooling system. You can program the climate controls to suit your needs and if you’re driving alone you can disengage the passenger side ventilation to add more power to the driving system. Even the outside air is piped through the cabin to help maintain the interior climate without expending too much of the vehicle’s own power supply. ## Safety Where this vehicle lacks a touch of soul is in the safety department. Nothing goes too far above and beyond standard, even on the Soul+ model. Each 2019 Kia Soul comes with a full complement of airbags, reinforced steel beams, and child safety locking doors. There’s also a suite of electronic safety assistance systems such as electronic brake force distribution, traction control and hill start assist. For 2019 that’s barely par for the course. **Related:** [Check out the 2018 Toyota Prius](https://guycounseling.com/toyota-prius-2018-review/) Onboard sensors help with parking, but the 2019 Soul is only 169 inches long and 70.9 inches wide – hardly a chore to pull into nearly any parking space. The Kia Soul does have a rearview camera and a pedestrian detection system, but that’s where the buck stops when it comes to advanced level safety systems. There are no lane departure warnings, blind spot monitoring and adaptive cruise control is missing on the Soul EV, as well. The Kia Soul lacks substance when it comes to safety features, even though the Soul received “Good” marks for crash safety by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS). ## Final Verdict The 2019 Kia Soul EV is one of the best named vehicles ever created because it certainly is eccentric and full of personality. It’s got soul in spades. Standard safety equipment is bare bones, but onboard infotainment and technology are top knotch. All electric is the wave of the future, and it’s nice to know that the 2019 Kia Soul has already arrived. The 2019 Soul has a driving range of 111 miles and plenty of intelligent systems that can extend it’s driving range even further than that under the right conditions. It’s reasonably priced against vehicles in its class and the 2019 Soul is sure to look attractive as it passes filling station after filling station. **Do you own a KIA Soul? Do you like this vehicle? What has been your experience?** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** automobiles, cars, KIA --- ### [Strength Training Can Dramatically Cut Your Risk of Stroke](https://guycounseling.com/strength-training-heart-disease/) **Published:** November 19, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![strength training heart health ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/man-mirror.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Lifting weight less than an hour a week carries important health benefits ## SHORT STORY Just about everyone on the planet knows that strength training is an excellent way to keep the pounds off while sculpting a muscular, impressive physique. But did you know that a minimal amount of weightlifting can also slash your chances of having a heart attack by more than half? According to a [new study](https://www.news.iastate.edu/news/2018/11/13/resistancecvd) from Iowa State University (ISU), it’s true. In fact, according to this new line of research, minimal weight lifting can also prevent having a stroke – by nearly 70%. ## LONG STORY Investigators with ISU explored the link between strength training and cardiovascular disease in 13,000 adults. What they discovered was that lifting weights cuts down the chances of a person developing *metabolic syndrome*. That’s the generic term for a host of ailments ranging from high blood pressure, high blood sugar, unhealthy cholesterol levels, and excess abdominal fat. When left unchecked, all of these can lead to serious medical problems like diabetes, strokes, and coronary disease. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/XJc07YDookzXCvOSXa/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Here is the best part. You don’t have to spend hours at the gym pumping iron to experience health benefits. According to the ISU study, lifting weights for less than an hour a week can have a dramatic impact on wellness. “People may think they need to spend a lot of time lifting weights, but just two sets of bench presses that take less than 5 minutes could be effective,” said Duck-Chul Lee, an associate professor of kinesiology at ISU and study author. **Related:** [How you lose muscle mass explained    ](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) The study suggests that people who lift weights for less than an hour each week (when compared to folks who don’t) experience a 29% lower risk of developing metabolic syndrome. Now it’s important to point out this study did not factor in  cardiovascular exercise, which may also benefit heart health. Still, the findings of this investigation are meaningful to those who are trying to live a longer, healthier life. “Muscle is the power plant to burn calories. Building muscle helps move your joints and bones, but also there are metabolic benefits. I don’t think this is well appreciated,” said Lee. “If you build muscle, even if you’re not aerobically active, you burn more energy because you have more muscle. This also helps prevent obesity and provide long-term benefits on various health outcomes.” The research on strength training and heart disease comes at a time when a previous study released in May revealed strength training can help people [fight back against depression](https://guycounseling.com/resistance-training-depression/). So, there you have it folks, yet another reason to hit the weights – heart health. How often do you pump iron? Do the findings from ISU motivate you to do some concentration curls? **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Bodybuidling, gym, health, Strength Training, wellness --- ### [How Soon is Too Soon to Move in Together?](https://guycounseling.com/move-together-cohabitation/) **Published:** November 18, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![couple move in together](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/couple.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## When is it time to cohabitate? When you met each other, there was a powerful spark between you. Then you went on a few dates, met each other’s friends and family, and now everyone knows you’re a couple. Maybe your partner stays over a few nights each week, or you spend the whole weekend at their place. Does this describe you? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Most new couples reach a point in time where trying to figure out living arrangements becomes front and center. At the center of it all is the question: **Should we move in together?**  A recent [study](https://www.idealhome.co.uk/news/moving-in-together-194797) in the UK explored this topic. In the survey, participants were asked how long they waited, plus how nervous they felt about the prospect. Results varied across the country, with people in London being the most nervous (and, unsurprisingly, waiting longest on average to move in together). But even in those areas where fewest people worried about moving in with their partner, at least a third of couples said they were nervous about it. Of the 1,000 people who took part in the study, only 53% said they didn’t feel anxious about sharing a home. Just because you’re worried about moving in together doesn’t mean it’s not the right decision – and waiting until it feels right might mean waiting forever. You might want to ask friends and family to help you decide. But remember that even if they’ve got your best interests at heart, their opinion is going to depend on their own experiences. If your best friend’s relationship [fell apart](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) after she moved in with her boyfriend, she’s not going to have an unbiased point of view. The survey found that 12% of UK couples have moved in together within the first six months of a relationship – but that some couples will wait up to five years. Some couples don’t even think about living together until they’re married. ![cohabitation - should we move in together?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/interracial-couple-white-indian-woman-black-man-phone-selfie-la.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Time to move in together? Different people will have wildly different ideas about what’s “normal”, so you might get lots of contradictory advice. If getting a place together means leaving home (or moving out of your student flat) for both of you, then it’s more nerve-wracking. You’re making a decision to spend a lot of time with your partner at the same time as taking on the first place of your own. It’s tempting to move in together quickly so that you can see each other every day but take a while to think through the practical implications. Decide how you’re going to split the bills and the rent. Will you divide them between you equally? What if one of you is earning more than the other? What will happen if one of you gets a pay rise (or loses their job)? What are you going to do about furniture and all the things you take for granted in a house, like kitchen utensils or tools? If having your own place is a new experience for both of you, it’s worth taking things slowly and discussing potential problems together before you take the plunge. If one of you already has a home of their own, it can be an easier decision. Maybe there are benefits to living with your parents, or perhaps your first shared house with your friends has been a non-stop party, but if the person you’re in love with has their own place why wouldn’t you live there? You still need to talk about all the practical issues like paying bills, but one of you has been doing this for a while so there shouldn’t be so many unexpected expenses. The biggest issue for most couples in this scenario is that one person still thinks of your home as “his house” or “her house”. You need to talk about this before you move in, or it’s easy for problems and resentment to build up. This is also an issue if you’ve both got places of your own. How do you decide whose house will become home for both of you? Will it be the biggest? The cheapest? The one that’s most convenient for work? You also need to think about what will happen to the house you’re moving out from. If you’re renting, then you can simply give your landlord notice. But if you own your own place, do you want to sell it? You may want to consider renting it out, but that can bring problems of its own. You’ll be paying a mortgage on a place you don’t live in; even if that’s covered by the rent, how will your partner feel if your tenants disappear in the night with three months rent in arrears? And does keeping your own place look like a sound financial move or a lack of commitment to your new life together? There’s no easy answer to the question of when to move in together. Couples have lots of different experiences and expectations and loving someone doesn’t guarantee that moving in with them won’t be a stressful time (for both of you). But remember that there’s no such thing as a “normal” length of time to wait, and that you can ask for advice, but the decision has to be made by the two of you. The best rule is to move in together when you’ve talked through all the practical details and planned together for what you’ll do when things go wrong and times are hard. If you can plan together for things going horribly, you’re more likely to live together happily. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Apartment, Cohabitation, Dating, House --- ### [Exercise May Help Keep Addiction In Check](https://guycounseling.com/exercise-addiction-sobriety/) **Published:** November 14, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![man exercise addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/exercise.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New research on exercise and addiction Do you struggle with a drug addiction? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. While the numbers are a bit scattered, experts think something like 7-million Americans struggles with some form of [drug addiction](https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/addiction-statistics). In the world of substance abuse and dependence, a regular mantra that is often repeated by folks walking the path of recovery is: *people, places, and things*. In short, the trio is thought of as [triggers](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-addiction/201011/people-places-and-things-how-important-are-drug-related-triggers) for use and ultimately, relapse. An example might be someone addicted to crystal meth. Because this person knows that hanging out at old haunts can be “triggery”, they make the active choice to avoid such places whenever possible. That’s why a new study exploring the relationship between exercise and sobriety is so interesting. Appearing in the journal *[ACS Omega](https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acsomega.8b01713)*, investigators present their findings on a group of mice injected with cocaine. ![attractive athletic black man low testosterone](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) During the injections, the mice were placed in a cage that contained unique flooring, designed to mirror a drug using environment with the goal of imprinting these features into their memories. After the injections, the mice were then moved to special cages that included running wheels, used for exercise. What researchers observed was rather astonishing. **Related:** [Do you have a gaming addiction?](https://guycounseling.com/gaming-addiction/) The mice who jumped on the wheels and ran had lower levels of a certain type of brain peptide linked to myelin; a lipid-rich fatty substance that is thought to help fix memories in place. When the sedentary mice were compared to the ones who exercised, the animals that used the wheel were less inclined to be in the substance using environment. Additionally, investigators found certain addiction-related peptides (actin) were lower in the exercised mice brains. This may be important because increased actin levels are thought to be a factor in drug-seeking behaviors in addicts. [Costa Provis](https://goo.gl/bjPXLk), a licensed psychotherapist who works with clients in recovery from drug and alcohol dependency shared the following thoughts on the study. “Addiction is a complicated issue and is multi-factorial in nature. Indeed, people places and things can be triggers for slips and relapses. Regular exercise can be helpful with self-care, which can assist someone with an overall goal of wellness.” Provis cautions, however, that exercise alone shouldn’t be thought of as a cure-all for addiction. “This is just one study and it involves lab-mice so take things with a grain of salt. That said, combining exercise with other activities, such as support meetings (12-steps) and counseling can go a long way in helping someone stay healthy,” he adds. **Are you walking a path of recovery? If so, what has helped you to remain sober? Is exercise part of your regular routine?** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Addiction, Addictions, Exercise --- ### [Can Drinking Coffee Help Reduce Pain?](https://guycounseling.com/coffee-pain-study-1114/) **Published:** November 14, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man drinking coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-drinking-coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Coffee may help reduce pain sensitivity  Do you drink coffee? If so, you aren’t alone. Something like 64% of all Americans who are 18 years of age or older have at least one cup of Joe per day, according to current [estimates](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-coffee-conference-survey/americans-are-drinking-a-daily-cup-of-coffee-at-the-highest-level-in-six-years-survey-idUSKCN1GT0KU). But are there any health benefits to be derived from sipping on caffeinated java? According to the results of a new study that appears in the journal [Psychopharmacology](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs00213-018-5016-3), the answer may be yes. Specifically, people who consumed 100 mg of caffeine each day experienced less sensitivity to heat and pressure when compared to those who did not. Yep, that’s right. Coffee *may* help you feel less pain. For this investigation, researchers recruited 62 participants to take part in the study. They were asked to keep a daily caffeine consumption journal – plus a sleep diary – for a solid week. In addition, they were asked to wear a small actimetry sensor on their wrist to monitor their sleep activity. Later, the participants took part in pain sensitivity testing. According to the results, investigators found that with each 100 mg of caffeine consumed, the participants experienced (on average) a 5% increase in their heat pain threshold. Additionally, a 31.2 kilopascal increase was recorded in their pressure pain threshold. **Related:** [Bodybuilding and caffeine pros and cons](https://guycounseling.com/caffeine-body-building-benefits-risks/) ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Q6joirtIBHUsw/giphy.gif?resize=443%2C332&ssl=1) The heat, administered by a pad, was applied to the forearm with a gradual temperature increase. The pressure, to measure pain, was applied to their trapezius (upper back and shoulder area). “New research suggests that diet can be a useful intervention for decreasing pain sensitivity and helping people manage pain. Caffeine is a commonly consumed by millions of people as part of their regular diets,” said Burel R. Goodin, a study author and associate professor at the University of Alabama Birmingham. He went on to state, “Caffeine consumed acutely in a laboratory environment or as a medication additive has known properties that help alleviate pain. However, relatively little is known about the potential impact of dietary caffeine consumption on the experience of pain. We wanted to address this gap in current knowledge.” So, does this mean you should drink a few cups of coffee each day after banging out some heavy sets at the gym? Not so fast according to Goodin. “Our study does not allow one to conclude that dietary caffeine consumption causes less pain. This is because our results are correlational,” says Goodin. For some time now, health experts have suggested that drinking more than [400 mg a day of coffee](https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/how-much-caffeine-in-coffee#section4) is probably not a good idea. A standard cup of coffee holds around 95 mg of caffeine. When you do the math, this would suggest no more than 4 cups. “More is not necessarily better. Research suggests that consuming more than 400mg/day of caffeine can have negative effects on mood and physical health. Therefore, people need to be mindful of the exact amounts of caffeine they are consuming on a daily basis,” Goodin stated. **Related:** [What is specialty coffee exactly?](https://guycounseling.com/specialty-coffee-824/) Well, there you have it, folks. Yet another study to suggest caffeine in moderation may hold certain benefits, such as pain reduction. Do you drink coffee? If so, have you noticed that it helps to reduce your level of pain? Share your comments below in the comments area. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Caffeine, Coffee --- ### [Do You Soak Up Negativity Like a Sponge?](https://guycounseling.com/negativity-people-1111/) **Published:** November 11, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![negativity stressed out man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/stressed-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Are you attracting negativity? The environment influences your emotions. In a [negative atmosphere](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sapient-nature/201303/dealing-negative-people), you’re likely to feel the destructive vibrations broadcast, even if you aren’t aware at the time. Negativity directly impacts your mood, but you aren’t in charge of your surroundings, so how can you control your temperament? You can learn how not to soak up pessimism and woe. ## **How to develop a watertight coat** If you absorb negativity, you take on people’s problems as though they are yours and cope badly because you are stressed. Pessimistic friends get you down, and bad news on the TV can ruin your day and keep you awake at night. Needy people love you since you don’t just listen to their pain, you take some of it away with you and leave them lighter. You, though, grow heavy with the burden of distress. Your genuine kindness is admirable, but you’re helping folks in a way that’s detrimental to your health. **Related:** [10 simple ways I fight anxiety at night](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-night-tips/) Stress makes you ill and blue. The answer is to set boundaries so people’s problems bounce off you rather than soaking into your psyche. ![negative people](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/scorpio-and-cancer-match.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Limits** If you absorb negativity, you can be sure your boundaries are weak or non-existent. You easily become a toxic waste ground for your family and friend’s troubles. Sometimes you know you take on too many problems, but your wish to help or need to be liked drives you to let people offload. On these occasions your intuition speaks. It says you are about to damage yourself and soak up negativity. Your stomach flutters or groans, your throat tightens and gets dry, and you have a sense of foreboding. These are just a few of the physical signs your psyche provides when it’s wise to back off from a situation. Ask yourself whether the emotional injuries and ill-health you gain from not setting boundaries are acceptable to you. Also, do people appreciate your help? Do they treat you with respect and offer you consideration in return? If not, you aren’t enjoying reciprocal relationships and it’s time to decide what you won’t put up with anymore. Know your boundaries and be firm when people want you to extend your limits. ## **Self-protection** Once you understand your limitations, the next step is to recognize your intuitive wisdom. When people offload or ask too much, notice physical and emotional signs that indicate you’re at the edge of a boundary. Note them silently as they occur, but also jot them in a journal to refer to later. Your chest might become tight, your inner voice might say “no,” or you may experience different symptoms of unease. Recognize these are warning signs and pay heed. At such a point, stop being a great listener or agreeing to do things you don’t want to do. Gain space and freedom by politely leaving or changing the subject. You might benefit from practicing not letting people unburden their angst in your direction. Use your imagination to run through potential scenarios when your boundaries are pushed. What will you say or do to find relief when the scenario happens in real life? Picture, and hear, your imaginary self-acting positively and feel the relief of standing up for your welfare. ## **Guarding** Sometimes, you can’t get away from negativity. If your boss is a tyrant, you live with a narcissist, or you must be with difficult people for another reason, there’s not always the option to leave or disengage. On these occasions, be mindful of your objective not to soak up negativity. Remember no one can force their anxiety on you. They might offer it to you, but it’s up to you whether you accept it or leave it alone. Tell yourself you can maintain the mood you prefer and take calming breaths to support your intention. If it helps, picture yourself in a cocoon of light that shields you from negativity and see stress bounce off you. You’ll be so busy with your visualization you won’t tune into negativity. Don’t worry that protecting yourself by setting boundaries and stepping away from negativity harms people since it might do the opposite. Not only will self-care help you, but it may assist other people in learning to manage their problems rather than dump them on well-meaning victims. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Depression, negativity, Sadness --- ### [5 Signs Your Gaming Addiction Is Hurting Your Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/gaming-addiction/) **Published:** November 10, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![attractive man gaming](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/handsome-gamer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Heads-up, gamers. This one’s for you. I’ve been a hardcore gamer for as long as I can remember, and if you’re anything like me, you spend a lot of your free time engrossed in the latest release from your favorite gaming company. Even when I’m not actually on the sticks I’m watching online reviews, game walkthroughs and chatting up noobs who desperately want to find a way to beat Hyrule Castle in *The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild*. Apparently, I’m not alone. There are more than 2 billion gamers worldwide and the gaming industry is set to top $138 billion in revenue this year. It’s easy to lose track of time when gaming, and before you know it you’ve wasted a whole bag of Doritos, two cans of Redbull and you have a slew of missed calls from your significant other – I’m talking about your girlfriend not your battle buddy from *Modern Warfare.* If you have a preoccupation with gaming that’s causing you distress and/or damaging your personal relationships, then you might be suffering from what the [American Psychiatric Association](https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/internet-gaming) now calls “Internet Gaming Disorder”. That’s the fancy term for an addiction to video games. Other symptoms of a gaming addiction can include using video games to relieve negative moods, experiencing withdrawal when games are taken away, and deceiving loved ones about how much time and money you spend on games. This particular disorder is relatively new because well, gaming is a relatively new pastime. However, Dr Vasileios Stavropoulos, Coordinator of the Gaming Research Group found that [studies show](https://psychlopaedia.org/health/internet-addiction-online-gaming-disorder-rise/) young men aged 16 to 18 were at the highest risk levels for developing IGD. From personal experience, I can tell you that I’ve struggled with gaming addiction and I’ve witnessed some serious problems popup in my romantic relationships because of it. So, here a few ways that a gaming addiction could be hurting your romance. ## 1. Where’s the Money? Games aren’t necessarily expensive, even though consoles can cost around $250 to $400. That’s just an initial investment. Once you sink in your console cost, you *can* get a bit creative on sourcing the best games around. I just bought a used copy of *Fallout 4* at a local game shop for about $8 bucks. You can even sell or trade in your old games to shave a few dollars here and there. The problem arises when you compulsively buy new games and consoles just because it makes you feel good. You can easily spend hundreds of dollars a month that way on games and downloadable content. Related: [Do you have a money addiction?](https://guycounseling.com/money-addiction-signs/) I don’t know if you’ve noticed it but dating costs money – money that you no longer have because you bought the latest *Spiderman* game at top dollar on the day it was released. My gaming addiction got so bad last year that I started borrowing money from my girlfriend to buy racing boxes for my online car club. It’s hard to reconcile buying your girlfriend discounted gifts the day after Valentine’s Day but dropping $45.00 on a brand-new game for yourself. ## 2. Sneaking Away for Game Play At first, my GF didn’t mind my love for gaming. She thought it was just something I did with my guy friends or a way to kill time while she scrolled through her Instagram feed. At first, it was just that. Then, I bought an especially addictive role play game that started to creep into my thoughts even when I was away from the game. I kept thinking of ways to wring out just a few more minutes here and there to upgrade my character. I would even sometimes wait until she fell asleep and sneak out of bed to spend the rest of the wee hours slashing and bashing ogres. If you’re taking time away from your partner for extra gaming time, then that is a problem. Not only are you reducing the amount of time you could be bonding with your partner, you’re also sending the signal that their time is less precious. Imagine how your partner feels when they roll over in the middle of the night and you’re not there. It’s certainly okay if you went to grab a midnight snack, but if she finds you glued to the screen without her, then you’ve devalued her time considerably. You might want to try buying a game that she’d like to play. It could be just a 2D platform for smashing colored gems, but if she likes it, then you could spend more time together. ![gaming addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/gamer.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Gaming Addiction? ## 3. Canceling Dates for New Updates If you want to kill your relationship quicker than a *Resident Evil* zombie, then by all means, start canceling some dates for your gaming addiction. The thing that makes canceling for gaming so bad is the fact that it involves deception. If you’re like me (and I hope you’re not) then you’re going to create an imaginative lie about why you can’t make it to the movies on date night. Again, by canceling the date and lying about it, you’ve devalued your partner’s time and jeopardized her trust. When she finds out that you’ve canceled so that you can join the online battle *royale*, then you’ve also reduced her emotional value to your life. Don’t let gaming become more important than spending quality time with your significant other. ## 4. Social Withdrawal What about if you’re single? Can a gaming addiction hurt your potential chances for romances? The answer is yes. Someone that you’re already involved with might forgive you for those previous offences and even help you seek guidance but starting a new relationship while you’re suffering from a gaming addiction is an uphill battle to say the least. It’s true; online gaming has brought people together in new and innovative ways. Yet, the chances of you sparking up a new romantic relationship through online gaming is slim to none. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any cool gamer girls out there. It’s just the nature of our interactions online. People are less likely to take their online relationships off the screen and into the real world. Dr. Stavropoulos calls it a paradox. “It’s what we call internet paradox because this medium, which has been designed to advance communication between individuals, ends up making them more isolated in real life,” he says. When I was single, gaming was the ideal pastime. It helped me to burn countless hours without focusing so much on my real-world loneliness. I could sit on my couch all night long with a brand-new game and feel emotionally complete. The right game can do that for you, but that presents the danger of social withdrawal. I didn’t meet my girlfriend through online gaming. I had to get cleaned up and leave the house to do that. When I finally did, I found that my social skills needed some serious rust removal. ## 5. Self-Care Challenges There are plenty of mental and emotional benefits to gaming when you’re single, but there are also some negative side effects. I let my personal appearance go to shit. I was showering less regularly, working out infrequently and talking to girls…well, never. My gaming addiction was absolutely crippling my chances of getting into an intimate relationship. Instead of changing my behavior, I doubled down on video games as a coping mechanism. What’s worse was that I started creating scapegoat theories that took the spotlight off my internet gaming disorder. *I’m just too cerebral for a girlfriend.* *I didn’t want to go to that party anyway.* *I’m a home body.* *I’m just waiting to meet a girl that loves video games as much as I do.* That type of thinking was ruining my social life. My gaming addiction turned me into an Incel (Involuntarily Celibate) and I couldn’t hold a conversation with an attractive girl even if I wanted to. Eventually, I put away my Playstation for a while and started exercising more. That one decision led me down the path to greater social interactions and an eventual meeting with the woman I love. ## **The Takeaway** An addiction to gaming can be a passion pit for those seeking romance. Research is still in the early stages when it comes to gaming addiction, but South Korea and China already have special rehabilitation centers specifically dedicated to IGD. Mental health experts are even debating whether gaming addiction isn’t just the top layer of deeper psychological issues such as depression and social anxiety. If you’re in a relationship, then try to create a balance between your love for gaming and your love for your significant other. If you’re seeking a relationship, then log off from time to time and talk to people in the real world. **Related:** [Are steroids addictive?](https://guycounseling.com/7-signs-of-anabolic-steroid-addiction-you-cant-ignore/) It will lead to a better social life and help build your confidence for that big day when you go on a first date with your crush. I’ve exposed some serious personal demons in this story about my own battle with gaming addiction. I still play video games, but I never forget about how my behavior affects others around me. Do you think you might have an addiction to video games? Then talk to a mental health expert about the best ways you can restore balance to your li **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Addiction, Addictions, Gamer, Gaming --- ### [When is a ‘Bromance’ Better Than a Romance?](https://guycounseling.com/bromance-bromantic/) **Published:** November 10, 2018 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![bromance](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/bromance.jpg?resize=702%2C468&ssl=1) ## Men and Bromances Do you have that one guy friend that just ‘gets you’? You guys click on so many levels and you can often finish each other’s sentences? Then, chances are you’re in a bromance. Where women have BFFs, men have the bromance. It’s a term that was originated by skaters in the early 90s, but it’s evolved to become a mainstay in pop culture, as well. Movies like *Wedding Crashers, Dumb and Dumber,* and *The Hangover* feature some of the best comedic examples, but you can also call Barack Obama and Joe Biden’s connection a typical bromance. They’ve stuck together through thick and thin like the dynamic duo. Bromances are serious relationships though. Some people even think there are certain rules to a bromance. For example, you can’t verbalize your love for your bros (public or private). There’s no badmouthing their spouses and you can’t hold grudges either. Those are just a few of the most common rules, but the guy code to a successful bromance can be extremely nuanced. ## The Emotional Connection The bonds of a bromance rival our romantic relationships in terms of their emotional intensity and overall impact on our lives. Some men just prefer the emotional safe zone of a bromance to the virtual minefield of their lover’s sensitive psyche. Your typical romantic affiliation comes with a certain amount of emotional baggage that bromances typically seem to avoid, almost as a general rule. So, one of the ways a bromance can be better than a romance is the utter lack of emotional connection. Has your bro ever turned to you and said – *“Shut up, bro. Just drink your beer.”?* That’s bromance code for – *I already understand how you feel.* Then, there’s the flip side to that. There’s a small study that was published back in a 2017 issue of [*Men and Masculinities*](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1097184X17730386?journalCode=jmma) that people often site when talking about bromances. The British researchers interviewed 30 straight males and found that those men communicate easier in platonic same-sex relationships. The author of the study Adam White noted that “the key differences we found is that romances are the sexual partner, and the bromance is the emotional partner.” ![bromantic bromance](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/men-beach.jpg?resize=647%2C432&ssl=1)Ever have a bromance? ## Supportive Connections One of the most interesting details to come out of the study was that 29 of the 30 participants admitted to cuddling with their male bromance partner, but in a non-sexual way. That study was widely-publicized but had an extremely small crop of test subjects. Although a bromance can provide men with a deeper emotional bond than their romantic relationships, it’s unlikely that same-sex men are cuddling on a regular basis. **Related:** [Do straight guys fall in love with other men?](https://guycounseling.com/straight-gay-love/) The best explanation for that deeper bond is that a bromance often stems from a long-term acquaintance and a kinship that is based on mutual interests. In my case, my best guy friend is someone that I’ve been friends with since we were little kids. I feel like I’ve known him forever. That level of familiarity often trumps the novelty of my recent hook-up down at the local bar. Occasionally, our romantic relationships can be founded purely on physical attraction and not emotional compatibility. In other words, your girlfriend might be smoking hot, but she doesn’t know the first thing about cars, or even respect the fact that you have a passion for cars. That’s not the case with your best bro though. He knows you love cars and he’s willing to spend all afternoon in the hot sun with you trying to get the gear timing just right on your transmission…because he cares. ## Bromance Counseling There’s a huge elephant in the room when it comes to men and mental health. A survey conducted by the [Men’s Health Forum](https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/key-data-mental-health) in 2016 found that most men would consider taking time off from work to seek medical help for a physical illness, but only 1 in 5 men would seek professional help for depression or anxiety. Men need a psychological support system just as much as women, but unfortunately, we’re less likely to rely on professional therapy to work out our problems. It’s little wonder that best friends double as our primary counselors on mental health issues. The bromance is also where we get advice for problems dealing with our sexual love partners. Although our best bros usually aren’t qualified to weigh in on these profound issues of psychological and social wellbeing, they’re primarily the ones who get tapped to function as sounding boards and therapists. In some cases, men feel that seeking out the advice of a professional counselor means admitting that they have a weakness or a problem. Talking to a mental health expert frowns in the face of our traditional social concepts of masculinity. Apparently, working out your feelings is what women do at the beauty parlor. Men play basketball and insult each other until someone eventually gets angry and all the raw emotions come pouring out in a brief, but important shoving match. Sound familiar? ![bromantic buddies](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/bromances.jpg?resize=678%2C443&ssl=1)Do you have a bromantic buddy? ## Dealing with Jealousy Women might not understand your bromance, just like men don’t fully understand the bonds of same-sex female relationships. One thing to consider is how your bromance affects your relationship to your romantic partner. You could cause them to feel jealous of your best friend due to the intimacy that you two share. Your bromance partner can also develop a certain level of envy for your spouse, girlfriend, partner, what have you. There is certainly a battle being waged over your emotional real estate. An [interesting study](https://www.theguardian.com/science/2010/sep/15/price-love-close-friends-relationship) coming out of Oxford University determined that gaining one new lover pushes two close friends out of your inner circle. Robin Dunbar, the author of the study gave further insight by saying – “What I suspect is that your attention is so wholly focused on the romantic partner you don’t get to see the other folks you had a lot to do with before, and so some of those relationships start to deteriorate.” Therefore, you need to balance the time and attention you dedicate to your bromance buddy and your romantic partner. They might never want to occupy the same space at the same time, but your bro and your partner should have a mutual respect based on the fact that they both care about you. ## The Verdict Bromances are a vital part of male psycho-social regularity. That’s not to say that men in same-sex friendships just vent their feelings so freely. In fact, the prevalent avoidance of deep psychological issues is what often makes bromances so appealing. Men often engage in impersonal activities with their bromance partner such as sports, video games or drinking just to let off some steam. Contrast this with romantic affiliations where female partners often push emotional interactions out of their male partners to resolve issues with the relationship. Most men hate these four little nasty words – “*We need to talk.”* I think that phrase is probably banned from bromance lexicons. We laugh with our bros. We cry with our bros. Apparently, sometimes we cuddle with our bros. And sometimes we just eat Cheetos and play *Call of Duty* with our bros. That’s the beauty of a bromance. They provide men with a guilt-free space to vent truer thoughts and feelings. Bromances can also provide men with the total vacuum of emotional and psychological activity – a place to mentally relax. Even conflicts between male best friends tend to reach quicker, less potent resolutions than romantic dust-ups between you and your partner. So, when is a bromance better than a romance? Whenever you need it to be. **Categories:** Field Notes, Relationships, Science **Tags:** Bromance, Bromantic, Friends --- ### [5 Self Checks For Health Every Man Should Do](https://guycounseling.com/5-self-checks-men-health/) **Published:** November 5, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![health check men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/guy-athlete.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do you give yourself health checkups? We’re men. We’re invincible, right? Wrong. That’s called the Superman Syndrome. (Yes, it’s actually a thing.) Men are more likely to avoid going to the doctor for regular check-ups and more likely to wave off certain health issues as minor setbacks to their regular routine of kicking ass and taking names. Guys, the Superman Syndrome isn’t doing us any favors. You should visit your general healthcare physician at least twice a year for routine check-ups, but there are a few proactive ways that you can get ahead of the game where your health is concerned, simply by observing your own body. It’s time to check yourself. Here are five health self-checks that you can do in the comfort of your own home. ## 1. Measure Your Belly Fat Stubborn belly fat is the hardest to shed from the body. A ‘beer gut’ is unsightly but it’s also a key health indicator that you can’t afford to ignore. This type of fat lies beneath the subcutaneous layer and surrounds your inner organs. If you have too much belly fat, then you’re at high risk for Type 2 Diabetes, stroke and heart disease. You don’t have to perform a home self-check on your visceral fat on a monthly basis, but it’s an important health check if you think you might already be at risk. Here’s what you can do. Take a measuring tape, like the ones that tailors use, and measure your waist to hip ratio. **Related:** [How smoking ages you badly](https://guycounseling.com/smoking-look-older-bad-skin/) Basically, you divide the waist measurement by the hip measurement. So, if your hip measures 45 -inches and your waist measures 56-inches, you would divide 45 into 56 to get a ratio score of 1.2. Now, if your measurement is above 0.92 then you’re considered to be at high risk levels for serious health problems. ACE Fitness’ best exercise to get rid of stubborn belly fat is the bicycle crunch. Here’s some detailed information on how to do [bicycle crunches](https://www.acefitness.org/education-and-resources/lifestyle/exercise-library/241/supine-bicycle-crunches) properly. ## ![attractive muscular black man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)2. Heart Rate Heart disease is the leading cause of death for men in America, affecting 1 out of every 4 individuals. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report that between 70 and 89% of sudden cardiac events happen to men. That should get your attention. Now, you should consider doing a self-examination on your heart rate and pulse. Do it once a month. When you’re at a state of rest, place your index and middle finger against your inner wrist. You should feel a rhythmic thumping sensation – that’s your pulse. A normal pulse rate for men is 10 to 16 pulses in a 10-second span of time. Sometimes, this is calculated by counting the number of pulses and multiplying by six. If you’re outside of this range, you could be in danger of hypothyroidism or even have damage to your heart tissue. You need to contact your doctor immediately if you think your pulse is consistently too high or too low when you are at a state of rest. You should also listen to the spaces between your pulse beats to note an irregular pulse. This is called arrythmia and could be indicative of a potassium imbalance, heart disease or problems with how your heart muscles contract. ## 3. Testicular Examination A testicular exam is the first type of self-examination that men should perform. That’s because it affects men as young as 14 years old and it’s the most common type of cancer for young men, specifically between the ages of 15 and 35. The [Testicular Cancer Society](http://www.testicularcancersociety.org/understanding_testicular_cancer.html) notes that the overall 5-year survival rate is 95% when the problem is detected early. That’s why a testicular self-examination is so important. The best way to perform a self-test for testicular cancer Is to take a warm shower so that the skin of the scrotum is relaxed, and the testicles are positioned away from the body. Hold a single testicle between your thumb and forefinger and roll it around, looking for any abnormal lumps, bumps or abnormal growth. **Related:** [5 signs you are wearing the wrong size condom](https://guycounseling.com/wrong-size-condom-114/) It helps to get a basic knowledge of the anatomy of your testicles because you might feel around down there and not know what’s normal. You should perform a testicular examination once a month and alert your health care provider immediately if you have any concerns. ## ![attractive man showwer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-in-shower.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)4. Skin Examination Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer, affecting 1 in 5 Americans according to the [Skin Cancer Foundation](https://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-information/skin-cancer-facts)’s findings. Once a month you should check your entire body for skin-related issues. The best way to proceed is to take a warm shower and afterwards, stand in front of a full-length mirror. A handheld mirror might also help you see those hard to reach areas of your body along the posterior chain. Start by looking for moles and birthmarks. Most of these are normal and harmless, but you want to familiarize yourself with their size and texture. Note whether any skin abnormalities have grown in size or changed color. You also want to check for new moles or bumps, and whether they cause pain when you touch them. Don’t overlook your scalp, your hands and even feet. Men are also especially vulnerable to skin cancers around the back of the neck and ears due to sun exposure. So, you might want to ask your partner to help you do a more thorough examination of those areas, as well. ## 5. Oral Health Check You should perform an oral check in a well-lit environment at least once a month. You can also use a small handheld mirror to make a more detailed examination. Pull your lips and cheeks away from the teeth and look for any discoloration or suspicious lumps or bumps. It might help to run your tongue over any problem areas you find because this might help to jar your memory as to how long that particular problem has been there. Check your tongue by running your finger along the top, bottom and sides. Check the roof of your mouth by tilting your head back and saying “ahh”. Using your smart phone to take a quick photo might help you when visually checking the roof of your mouth. Plaque is a sticky bacterium that leads to gingivitis, but you can check for it with a self-examination. **Related:** [10 grooming habits of attractive men](https://guycounseling.com/grooming-habits-attractive-men/) You can check for dental plaque by using an over-the-counter staining solution. This type of product specifically targets the plaque bacteria and stains it a specific color, so you can notice it more easily. Lastly, pull out the floss and check specifically for bleeding along the gumline or see if you have any loose teeth. Gum disease can be a warning sign for other serious health risks such as dementia and increased risks for heart disease and stroke. For a detailed step-by-step tutorial on how to perform an oral health check, take a closer look at [this chart](http://www.umanitoba.ca/healthsciences/dentistry/media/Px_Performing_an_Oral_Cancer_Self-Exam.pdf). ![attractive man working out with resistance band](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/muscular-handsome-athletic-man-outside.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Tips and Tricks** You might want to keep a self-check journal to help you remember the dates of your last examination and any concerns that you might have had. You can also document some of your problem areas by taking a quick snapshot with your smart phone. The photos you take will be time stamped and dated but be careful not to share them accidently. Also, a self-examination doesn’t mean that you have to do it yourself. A trusted partner or loved one might be able to spot a health-related issue better than you can, so it’s perfectly alright to enlist the help of someone close to you. ## **The Takeaway** As men we have societal pressures dealing with healthcare that researchers have barely begun to investigate. Conventional masculinity can sometimes increase our tendency to “suck it up” and make light of our pain rather than take proactive steps to improve our physical well-being. The Superman Complex has us lying to ourselves. “Today’s health systems don’t speak to the cultural issues that are ingrained in men,” says Jean Bonhomme, MD, MPH, Senior Faculty Advisor at Emory University’s School of Public Health in Atlanta, Georgia. Testicular self-checks are just as important as breast examinations, but most school systems aren’t teaching young boys how to do them because of the sexual stigmatism centered around our genitalia. **Related:** [How to deal with dental fears](https://guycounseling.com/fear-of-dentist-8-tips/) Oral cancer rates are higher for men than women, but the Journal of Periodontology reported that women are more proactive about their oral health than men. We’re also at risk of having a heart attack much earlier than our female counterparts. These are just a few of the reasons why self-checks are so important for men. We should take just as much pride in our clever, forward-thinking preventative measures, as we do our superior strength and durability. Don’t ignore the warning signs. Be a good caretaker of your body and live a longer, healthier life. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1623365554&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1623365554/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1623365554&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=e7f850085187e4632031b550340cba7a)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1623365554) **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** health, Self-Care, Self-Improvement --- ### [5 Ways of Knowing Your Condom Is The Wrong Size](https://guycounseling.com/wrong-size-condom-114/) **Published:** November 4, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men plaid shirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/condom-1863436_1280.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Telltale signs you need something different Believe it or not, there are more than a few guys who struggle with condom size. Please understand this isn’t because they are “massive” or some other silly reason designed to stoke the ego. Nope. Instead, it’s all about men not being given enough information on how to buy the right product to fit their unique needs. If I had a dime for every guy who brought this up during counseling, I’d be rich. Here’s the deal. The topic of intimacy comes up frequently during therapy. High on the list is intercourse and the decision to use or not use latex. **Related:** [Cheating fears and condoms ](https://guycounseling.com/condom-cheating/) If you and your mate have made the decision to wrap it up, good on you. It’s one of the most effective ways to prevent the transmission of various STI’s and/or stop unwanted pregnancies. If you are new to the latex world or need some warning signs that your rubber may be the wrong size, here are five telltale signs. Some of these may seem like common sense while others stir new thinking. Read them all to get the most from this article. ## 1. SLIPS AND DOESN’T STAY IN PLACE When you put on a rubber, it should roll down with ease to your shaft. If you notice it keeps slipping or coming off, it’s probably too big. In that case, you’ll need a smaller size. Now bear in mind the average size condom is around 7.5 inches in length and will fit guys 5.1 to 6.5 inches when erect. Don’t get down on yourself if you need something different. Remember, the average man is around 5.56 inches. ## 2. PAINFUL TO WEAR If you put one on your Johnson and it starts to hurt, that’s a very good sign you either have it on wrong or you need a larger size. More than likely, it’s the later. Rubbers shouldn’t be painful to wear. You may have to experiment a bit with different brands to determine which ones work best for your needs. Trojan’s Magnum product is one that a lot of larger men turn to for example ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2QhgmTO)). ## 3. LOSS OF WOOD There’s all sorts of different reasons you can lose your wood. One that often gets overlooked is wearing the wrong size product. Yep, if it’s too tight or cuts off blood circulation, it can cause you to deflate. If you’ve noticed this problem, try putting on something larger or a different brand. You might be surprised at the results. ## 4. MARKS ON YOUR SKIN Do you look at your manhood when you take your rubber off? If so, can you see a circular line that goes around the shaft? If so, that’s a good sign you are wearing the wrong size. Condoms shouldn’t be so tight that they dig into your skin. They should rest firmly but allow for a little wiggle room. If you aren’t conducting an inspection after intimacy, now might be a good time to start. Oh, and by the way. If your condom keeps ripping while doing the nasty, consider upgrading to [mega big boy size](https://amzn.to/2Qi3bSH). ## 5. TAKES A LONG TIME TO SLIP ON The hard truth is (no pun intended) that [learning how](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/how-do-i-use-condom/) to put on a condom takes time. But once you get the hang of it, it’s like riding a bicycle. Unless you are wearing the wrong size. When you are properly matched with your latex, it should slide on nicely. A strong indicator that yours is too small is when you can’t get the rubber to slip around the head. If this describes you, it may be time to upgrade your size. ## WRAP UP Hopefully, the information shared here will help you with your purchasing needs. Once you find a size that works for you, it might be a smart idea to keep several handy. Depending on how active you are, it never hurts to pack a few in your overnight kit. Hey, you never know if you’ll need one, right? **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Condom, intimacy --- ### [The Holy Grail of Handheld Tech – The Folding Phone](https://guycounseling.com/folding-samsung-galaxy-phone/) **Published:** November 4, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![samsung phone folding](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/phone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Phones that fold Samsung is gearing up for its annual [developers conference](https://seap.samsung.com/events/samsung-developer-conference-sdc-2018) in San Francisco on November 7th, 2018. There won’t be too many surprises because the tech. giant from Korea has already leaked news of its latest developments to the media. High on the list is what’s been dubbed ‘the holy grail of handheld’ – the folding Galaxy phone. The first leaks popped up around 2011. Samsung was rumored to be developing a handheld device that featured a folding hinge down the center line. Then, a number of patents were awarded to Samsung that featured folding and rolling OLED screen displays. The device will certainly be a component of the keynote address for the Samsung conference, but it might not be available to purchase until 2019, which would put it in line with other developers like LG and Huawei. **Related:** [Apple rolls out new products](https://guycounseling.com/apple-releases-brooklyn-2018/) Samsung isn’t the only contender to reach folding phone greatness. California-based developer *Royole* has pre-empted Samsung by announcing its folding phone – the FlexPai is commercially available for users in China. In [a video](https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/1057568515324952577) from Ice Universe, Royole ran through the specs of their newly-minted device. It unfolds to 7.8 inches and when folded, the FlexPai operates like a 4-inch smartphone. https://twitter.com/UniverseIce/status/1057568515324952577 LG is set to release its own version of the folding phone at the CES 2019 conference in January. The LG foldable handset is still just a rumor at this stage, but LG isn’t batting away any speculation either. When pressed about the release of their foldable phone, LG’s head of global corporate communications Ken Wong cryptically noted that “anything is possible at CES”. Huawei’s CEO Richard Yu commented in an interview with [German news site Die WELT](https://www.welt.de/wirtschaft/webwelt/article181484222/Richard-Yu-Huawei-will-das-Problem-zu-kleiner-Smartphone-Displays-loesen.html) “Why are you still using a computer? Probably because the smartphone display is too small for you. We will change that. It is conceivable that a display can be folded out.” Expect more updates on their foldable handset to come in lock step with Samsung with release dates for a 5G foldable handset to follow in 2019. Foldable and bendable screens are the next wave of digital display and these handsets will pave the way to the future. This technology is shrouded in rumor, but one thing is for certain – they won’t be cheap. You can expect to shell out nearly $2,000 USD for the earliest devices to hit the market in 2019. Don Pezet, CIO and Co-Founder of [ITProTV](https://www.itpro.tv/), an online learning platform for IT professionals, shared the following with me as part of this piece. “A larger screen allows for better viewing of text in diagrams and command-line demonstrations which is essential for effective online training,” says Pezet. **Would you buy a folding phone?** **Categories:** News **Tags:** Phone, Smartphone, Tech, Technology --- ### [No. 63 Men's Shower Gel Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/no-63-mens-shower-gel-review/) **Published:** November 4, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![lumberjack axe shower gel](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/logger-lumberjack-outdoors.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of No. 63 Men’s Shower Gel If you are like most guys, you probably want to use a [body wash designed for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/) that cleans your skin while giving off a masculine scent. But trying to find the best product can be a chore because there’s so many of them on the market. Given interest in this topic, I recently decided to try out a body wash called No. 63 from the folks at Pre de Provence. After hearing about the soap from a friend who works outdoors, I figured why not try? After all, he primarily works in the heat and is as much of an expert as anyone on getting rid of body-stink, you know? So, here is what happened. After reading up on the gel, I purchased an 8oz fluid bottle online from Amazon ([see price](https://amzn.to/2SLvt9G)). You can saddle my back and call me a horse but there was just something cool about the packaging. Maybe it was the brown plastic bottle with the old-world font on it, who knows? At any rate, here are my impressions of this shower gel with an important caveat. No.63 is marketed for dual use as a hair and body wash. I did not use it on my hair. The reason is simple. Because I have experienced thinning hair over the years, I didn’t want to apply a product that wasn’t specifically designed to address this issue. See this [review post on Dove Men Care Thickening Shampoo](https://guycounseling.com/dove-thickening-shampoo-men/) to learn more. OK – let’s move on to the question. **Is No. 63 Men’s Shower Gel worth the money?** In the two weeks that I have used, I have to say that I’ve been mighty impressed. For starters, the gel smells exactly as advertised. In case you are wondering what I’m talking about, here’s everything that goes into the scent: - Cedarwood - Leather - Tobacco - Pepper What I liked about this shower gel is that the scent doesn’t overpower. If you’ve ever used something like Coast or Irish Spring, you know how strong the smell can be. This simply isn’t the case with No. 63. Think subtle, masculine tones that are eerily close to the cologne *[1-Million](https://guycounseling.com/paco-rabanne-1-million-review/)* by Paco Rabanne. If you’ve ever spent any time in the deep woods by a campfire, you know that “burnt” smell. That’s how No. 63 comes off to me. ![men's body washes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/shower.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How does “No. 63” feel on the skin? You may be wondering how No. 63 feels? I know that I was. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot of products marketed to men for use in the shower are loaded with harsh chemicals that tend to dry skin out. All I can tell you is that after using for 14-days, I never experienced any problems. The gel itself contains a combination of glycerin, shea oil, and aloe vera that are designed to soften and moisturize. Now I will admit that I always moisturized afterward with a product designed for [men’s dry skin types](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). In my experience, No. 63 does a good job of capturing and locking in water molecules, which you kind of need if you want your skin to remain hydrated. Here’s what you need to know. A little bit goes a very long way. In my case, I only used a quarter-sized amount on a washcloth and it lathered up plenty. As an aside, I did use this wash on my face. They don’t market it for this, but I was just wanted to see what would happen. To my surprise, everything turned out all right. Frankly, I was expecting it to do a poor job but just the opposite happened. The shower-gel got rid of the oily residue on my mug just fine. ## Would I buy No. 63 again? The best way of knowing if a product is worth the money is when a consumer decides to buy it again. In the case of No. 63, I absolutely would. Not only did it do a decent job with cleaning my body, the scent was pretty awesome. Two female friends of mine picked up on the product when we were close and immediately asked what I was wearing. When I told them it was a body wash, they were kind of surprised. “Really? Which one? I should pick that up for my boyfriend,” said one of them. Now let’s get down to business. At a national retail price of $12.95, I’d be hard pressed to tell you this gel is a rip-off. To me, it was a good deal. I recognize there are other reviews online to suggest this men’s shower gel is overpriced and that it doesn’t smell all that great. Please know that I respect the opinions of others and can only share my experience. Whenever you shop for something, it’s always a good idea to scout around to see what others think, you know? If you are looking for a body gel for men [that vibes out rugged](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/), No. 63 might be ideal for your situation. Well, there’s my review. I’m giving it five stars. **Have you used No. 63 men’s body gel? If so, what was your experience?** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Body Wash, Shower Gel, Soaps --- ### [How Smoking Harms Your Skin and Makes You Look Older](https://guycounseling.com/smoking-look-older-bad-skin/) **Published:** November 4, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![man smoking skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-smoking.jpeg?resize=695%2C463&ssl=1) ## Does Smoking Age Your Skin? Smoking accelerates the aging and degeneration of your skin in many ways. It’s not just your face that suffers. Smoking increases the number of wrinkles on your body, increases your chances for contracting skin diseases and discolors your hands and inner arms, as well. It’s a compound effect with one problem cascading into another. Nicotine, tar, and up to 4,000 chemicals are wreaking havoc on your skin – all at the same time. Here’s some facts you might not have known about how smoking is harming your skin. I’m going to walk you through all of the ways puffing on those nicotine sticks ages you. Here’s what I know – if you are reading this article you are probably a current smoker and looking for motivation to quit. My hope is to provide exactly that in this post. And just so you know, I am a former smoker. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in. ## How smoking harms your skin Smoking is the most preventable cause of death and detriment to your overall health. When you consider the sheer number of non-habit-forming, healthy options for taking the edge off, it’s hard to justify picking up a cigarette or cigar. Yet, as of 2016 nearly 38 million people smoked, according to the [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.](https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/resources/data/cigarette-smoking-in-united-states.html#three) Of that number, 17.3 percent were men. The statistics on how harmful smoking can be to your cardiovascular health are legion. Yet, what’s lesser known are the dangers of smoking to your skin. That’s right, your skin can be severely damaged by smoking. Here are just *some* of the effects of smoking on your skin: ## Yes, smoking makes you look older. It’s the elasticity in our skin that gives us such a youthful appearance. Cigarette smoke contains over 4,000 chemicals that adversely affect collagen and elastin – the materials that make your skin strong and vibrant. These are fibers in the skin that break down naturally over time, but that breakdown is accelerated when you smoke. Smoking produces collagen-destroying enzymes that actually increase the amount of elastin in your skin, (which might sound like a good thing at first), but that increase is due to breakage. Your skin will start to sag, wrinkle, and you could even develop red or discolored lines. **Related:** [Does Quit Tea really work?](https://guycounseling.com/quit-tea-help-stop-smoking-rip-off/) The effect is more noticeable in older men, but men in their 20’s and 30’s will also begin to see changes in the healthy appearance of their skin. ## Smoking reduces blood flow to your skin. Smoking produces carbon monoxide. It significantly reduces blood flow and even lowers the amount of oxygen in the blood by 30 percent – a two-pronged effect. Nicotine has an interesting effect on the skin, as well. It narrows the blood vessels and causes broken capillaries. A restricted blood flow to the outermost layers of your skin reduces the amount of oxygen that your skin receives. You miss out on essential nutrients like Vitamins C, A and E that help remove waste and revitalize your body.  The cosmetic signs of reduced blood flow include redness, paleness, uneven skin tone, and slow-healing wounds. ![older man beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/older-looking-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Smoking ages your skin ## Smoking causes deep lines in your face Older smokers suffer from smoking lines – deep furrows in the skin around their mouth and eyes that come from repeatedly pursing the lips together when you take a drag from a cigarette or a cigar. **Related:** [10 ways you horribly age yourself](https://guycounseling.com/look-older-bad-habits/) These lines also reveal themselves around the forehead and eyes because smoke irritates the eyes. Essentially, it’s muscle memory. Each time you flex the muscles around your mouth and eyes, those muscular contractions cause lines to form in the skin. The absence of oxygen, collagen and elastin deepen those lines because the skin takes longer to heal itself and loses its elasticity. ## Smoking dries out your skin As mentioned earlier, smoking reduces the amount of nutrients that reach the skin. Vitamin A and vitamin C in particular are key in maintaining moisture in the skin. Without them, your skin starts to break and look dry. Another factor is lipid peroxide, it’s one of the thousands of chemicals found in cigarette smoke. Lipid peroxide is a free radical that severely aggravates the skin’s protective barrier, making it more susceptible to wind and sun damage. The damaging properties of UV sunlight are amplified by smoking. ## Smoking yellows your finger tips You can often tell if someone smokes by simply looking at their fingertips and fingernails. You’ll notice that their fingers are yellowish in color and they have broken, or damaged fingernails. This isn’t a mere coincidence. Smokers who normally use non-filtered cigarettes or began smoking at an early age suffer from nicotine and tar-stained fingertips. The process is compounded by the lack of oxygen supplied to the extremities. By depriving the fingernails and fingertips with oxygen and due to repeated exposure to smoke, the fingernail bed is highly susceptible to nail fungus, as well. If you suffer from yellowing fingertips, try soaking your fingertips in lemon juice and taking a B-12 supplement. ![black man smoking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/black-man-smoking.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Smoking is terrible for your skin ## Smoking aggravates psoriasis A series of clinical trials published by [Tobacco Australia](http://www.tobaccoinaustralia.org.au/chapter-3-health-effects/3-14-effects-of-smoking-on-the-skin#x14.) noted that smoking produces a high-risk factor for psoriasis. Smoking also reduces the effectiveness of treatments for the auto-immune disease. Psoriasis is characterized by the appearance of red, flaky, crusty patches of skin covered with silvery scales. The form of psoriasis known as palmoplantar pustulosis has the strongest correlation with smoking. At least 95 percent of diagnosed patients are smokers. ## Skincare for Smokers Aside from quitting altogether, there are some skincare products that can help slow down and reverse the detrimental effects of smoking. For starters, you should use products that stimulate blood flow in the skin. Gingko Biloba, ginseng, peppermint, and rosemary are known to increase circulation when applied topically or taken orally. An infused toner or gel will work quickly to rejuvenate the skin on your face. Another option is finding a skincare product such as a face mask or cram that contains retinol. Retinol penetrates deep into the pores and helps to produce more collagen. **Related:** [10 best anti-aging rituals for guys](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) This will help to take away the grey, dull tone that is characteristic of men who smoke. You should be using a sunscreen with SPF of at least 30 on a regular basis for general skin health, but especially so if you are a smoker. Lastly, you can target the areas around your eyes, forehead and mouth with moisturizers that are rich in vitamins A, C and E. Another thing to look for in your moisturizer are Caprooyl Tetrapeptide and Matrixyl 300 in the list of ingredients. These are peptides, amino-acids that can rebuild collagen fibers when used consistently over time. ## **The Takeaway** Most people don’t think about the dangers to their skin when they casually light up for a smoke. That’s because most of the literature and advertisements about the dangers of smoking focus on the cardiovascular risks that ultimately lead to death. Yet, the cosmetic detriments can be just as strong of a deterrent for the right person who is concerned about their appearance. A [recent study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15844630) conducted at Oulu University Hospital in Finland found that smokers appear up to 2 years older than non-smokers and whether the participants were smokers or not was successfully determined by a group of panelists 68 percent of the time by just photographs alone. That means that someone can just look at you and tell if you’re a smoker. Quitting isn’t easy. In fact, I’ve struggled with smoking myself. You can check out my journey and how I [quit smoking in four weeks](https://guycounseling.com/quit-smoking-four-weeks/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anti-Aging, Cigar, Cigarettes, Skin Care, Smoking --- ### [Apple Releases New Products at Development Event in Brooklyn](https://guycounseling.com/apple-releases-brooklyn-2018/) **Published:** November 3, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![apple products](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/pad-box.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New releases from Apple October 30th was a banner day for Apple as they unveiled new products and features at a [development event](https://www.apple.com/newsroom/2018/10/highlights-from-apples-keynote-event/) at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. As if the iPad Pro 10 wasn’t already leading the pack, Apple places the new iPad Pro 11 on a pedestal that perhaps no other competitor can reach. The new iPad Pro 11 pushes the display screen all the way to the edge of the device and has a magnetically-attached Apple pencil. Philip Schiller, senior vice president of worldwide marketing notes that “There has never been a mobile device anything like the new iPad Pro; it has a gorgeous edge-to-edge Liquid Retina display that curves into the corners, breakthrough performance that outperforms most laptops, Face ID, support for the new Smart Keyboard Folio and new Apple Pencil, advanced new cameras and sensors for the best AR experiences ever in any device, a high-speed USB-C connector, louder speakers, faster wireless and more, all packed into a thinner device that has all-day battery life and is 25 percent smaller in volume.” The new Macbook Air was also on deck to wow audiences at the Brooklyn event. Light as air, the new Macbook has a thinner profile and a new 13.3 inch retina display that features 4 million pixels. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/c1dtWl0f4kJ4k/giphy.gif?ssl=1) There’s a fingerprint scanner for added security – Apple’s Touch ID feature and the new T2 security chip. The keyboard has individually-backlit keys and a larger trackpad that gives haptic feedback and pressure sensitive response.  The Macbook Air has the 8th generation Intel Core i5 processor, Intel UHD Graphics and 2133 MHz system memory that can be scaled up to 16GB. **Related:** [Is the Acer Aspire 3 Worth the money?](https://guycounseling.com/acer-aspire-3-laptop-review/) The Mac Mini hasn’t been revamped since 2014, but it rounds out the showing with some hefty updates. It’s five-times faster. Now, the Mac Mini has quad- and 6-core processors, up to 64GB of memory and an all-flash storage that is blisteringly-fast. “All of this power is packed into the same size enclosure as before, perfect for customers updating or creating all-new installations where Mac mini is the ideal solution.” notes Schiller. The Mac Mini has a space-aged grey finish and 100% recycled aluminum, making the Mac Mini eco-friendlier than its predecessor. As expected, Apple’s fourth quarter shares have soared after the October 30th event in Brooklyn. Their revenue is up 20 percent. Apple’s CEO Tim Cook was “thrilled to report another record-breaking quarter that caps a tremendous fiscal 2018, the year in which we shipped our 2 billionth iOS device, celebrated the 10th anniversary of the App Store and achieved the strongest revenue and earnings in Apple’s history.” Guy Counseling spoke to Peter McDermott with Chicago based [Chat Tech USA](https://goo.gl/nGkapy) about Apple’s new releases to get his impressions. “For the company to continue to grow, they’ll need to continue innovating. What we saw in Brooklyn is a great demonstration of this,” said McDermott. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Apple, iPad, Smartphone, Tech --- ### [Is Aqua Velva Aftershave Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/is-aqua-velva-aftershave-review/) **Published:** November 1, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man walking aqua velva](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/man-walking.jpeg?resize=716%2C477&ssl=1) ## Review of Aqua Velva Aftershave Do you wear aftershave? Have you ever seen a bottle of Aqua Velva at your local drugstore? Curious if this brand is any good? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Given heavy interest in [men’s colognes and aftershaves](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) on this blog, I thought I’d try Aqua Velva for a week and offer my impressions. Now before diving too far in, I want to share with you that I am not being paid by the folks at Combe for writing this up. In addition, I’m also not receiving any compensation through an affiliate program. Nope, what you see is simply based on my experience. So, let’s get right to it. **Is Aqua Velva Aftershave worth the money?** All I can tell you is that after using the product for exactly one week, I’ve been very pleased. In my case, I bought a 3.5 fluid ounce shatterproof bottle (“Classic Blue”) at my local pharmacy for approximately $5.00. The reason I decided to buy it was simple – I wanted to see if a cheap version of aftershave did as good of a job as some of the pricier, name brands. Typically, I go for aftershaves that are balm-based and free of alcohol because they are easier on my skin. That said, everyone is different, so I encourage you to get to know your mug and so you can make the best decision for your needs. See this post on [choosing an aftershave](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/) to learn more. ## ![short beard styles for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Here are my observations on Aqua Velva: - Reasonably priced - Masculine scent (menthol, woody, cedar). - Goes on fresh - The smell is not over-powering - Does *slightly* burn your skin, right after shaving, for around 30 seconds. - The scent lasts *maybe* 3-4 hours (at best) - Easy to store in the medicine cabinet During the 7-day period I splashed on the blue liquid, I really didn’t encounter many problems. Granted, I don’t shave every day but still used this brand as part of the test. I was pleasantly surprised when several friends asked me about the cologne I was wearing. One person who really liked the scent was shocked when I told her it was Aqua Velva. “Are you serious? I would never have guessed. Smells great!” she said. A buddy of mine, however, knew the brand right away. “Hey, you smell like my dad. Is that Aqua Velva?” he asked. I’m the first to admit that it was funny to be compared to someone’s pops. At a national retail price of around $5.00, I’d be hard pressed to tell you this product is a rip-off. I recognize there are other reviews online that aren’t all that glowing, with some guys saying this aftershave smells terrible and others suggesting it’s from yesteryear. All I can say is that I liked using it. It didn’t irritate my face or cause any breakouts. Granted, I did use a small amount and was sure to [use men’s face moisturizer](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) after application. So, there you have it. My review of Aqua Velva. Have you used this product before? If so, what were your impressions? **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** Aftershave, Cologne --- ### [15 Common Symptoms of Low Testosterone in Men](https://guycounseling.com/low-testosterone-symptoms-men/) **Published:** October 31, 2018 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![attractive athletic black man low testosterone](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Struggling with Low Testosterone?** Have you felt exhausted, out of shape, depressed, and less interested in sex for the last several months? If so, you’re not going crazy. What you’re experiencing is quite normal for middle-aged men, although men as young as 30 and those older than 60 may have some of the same problems. These symptoms and many others indicate that you may be suffering the effects of [andropause](https://academic.oup.com/biomedgerontology/article/57/2/M76/547924), also known as low testosterone or hypogonadism. ### **Indications Your Testosterone Levels Are Too Low** You may want to consider testosterone replacement therapy if you have experienced more than a few of these symptoms over the past several months: **1. Erectile dysfunction:** You either can’t get an erection at all or you have trouble keeping one long enough to enjoy satisfying sex with your partner. It is important to have your hormone levels checked if you experience frequent episodes of erectile dysfunction to determine the underlying cause. A low testosterone specialist can help you see how hormones affect many aspects of male virility. **2. Decreased libido:** While having trouble with erections is discouraging, not being in the mood for sex at all bothers many men even more. This is often a natural byproduct of testosterone levels that are out of balance. Your partner is likely to be understanding of erectile dysfunction because it’s out of your control, but you may have a more difficult time explaining why you just don’t feel like being intimate anywhere near as often as you used to. **3. An increase in abdominal fat:** Before the onset of andropause symptoms, you could see a direct result between your levels of physical fitness and how fit your body appeared. Now it seems like no amount of exercise or healthy eating can get your weight to budge. Even worse, you see fat collecting like a spare tire around your midsection. Fortunately, there is no need to starve yourself or workout to excess. That is because replacing your lost testosterone often increases your metabolism naturally. **4. Decreased muscle mass**: Testosterone plays a key role in creating and [maintaining muscle mass](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/). This hormone attaches itself to receptors in your muscles and gives them the message to grow and contract. When your levels are low, it means there is an insufficient amount of the hormone to attach to muscle cells. Because of the deficiency, you may suffer from a loss of muscle mass and feel physically weaker despite weight training or regular exercise. **5. Inability to concentrate:** The effects of low testosterone may cause you to feel like your brain is fuzzy. Whereas you used to pride yourself on your sharp mind, you now have trouble concentrating on little details as well as solving complex problems. This leads to careless mistakes that can eventually eat away at your confidence. When you replace your lost testosterone through supervised therapy, you should find your mental abilities increase after about four weeks. **6. Mood changes and irritability**: You used to be able to take people’s little quirks in stride. Now it seems like every little thing your family or co-workers do annoys you to no end. Your short temper results in many arguments at home and even causes you to snap at your kids for minor infractions. You may find yourself feeling high on life at one moment and thoroughly discouraged the next. This doesn’t mean you have suddenly become a moody man, but it could mean you are experiencing the effects of low testosterone. **7. Sleep problems:**  Insomnia, which is the inability to fall asleep or stay asleep long enough to feel restored, is the most common sleep issue related to low testosterone levels. When you don’t sleep well at night, it can make other symptoms of andropause even worse. Sleep apnea is another problem you may experience. This is a serious condition that causes you to stop breathing briefly up to 30 times in one hour. Like all health issues related to low testosterone, it’s essential to find the underlying cause. **8. Loss of bone mass:** Decreasing hormone levels are often responsible for causing a loss of bone density in both men and women. Along with improvements in diet and exercise habits, undergoing testosterone replacement therapy can help to keep your bone density strong. This is important to prevent osteoporosis, a disorder that makes you much more likely to break bones in a fall. If you already have osteoporosis, you may be able to reverse it or halt its progression with hormone replacement therapy. **9. Hot flashes and night sweats in men:** Although these symptoms are commonly associated with women going through menopause, men experience them as well. They occur when your hypothalamus, which is an area in your brain that regulates internal temperature control, interprets false signals from your body due to hormonal imbalance. Because your testosterone level is too low, your body mistakenly feels overheated and reacts accordingly. High levels of stress and a poor diet also contribute to these unpleasant andropause symptoms. **10. Hair loss:** Men are accustomed to dealing with thinning hair or [going bald](https://guycounseling.com/men-strong-thick-hair-tips/), but they don’t expect to see hair disappear from other areas on their body. If you have noticed that you seem to have less hair on your chest, arms, legs, in your pubic area, or under your armpits, it’s not all in your imagination. Your body requires average or high levels of testosterone to continue replacing body hair as you lose it. Since most male hair loss products are for the hair on your head, you will have better results re-growing body hair by working with a hormone replacement specialist. **11. Decreased sperm count:** If you and your partner are trying to conceive a child, low sperm count can make it quite challenging. Unfortunately, this is yet another symptom of low testosterone and it can happen while you’re still relatively young. Your testes naturally produce less testosterone as you get older, a problem that is directly related to a low sperm count. However, you shouldn’t assume you’re infertile. By correctly identifying the cause, your sperm count can return to normal levels through hormone replacement therapy. **12. Numbness in the genitals:** When your testosterone levels are extremely low, it can cause a feeling of numbness in your penis or scrotum. Men who have experienced this describe it as a lack of electricity. In other words, physical touch from their partner that once caused arousal now seems to have little or no effect. The sense of numbness can persist even outside of sexual encounters, which makes everyday activities like sitting down and standing up quite uncomfortable. You may also notice a decrease in the size of your genitals. **13. All-day fatigue:** When you are walking around with unbalanced levels of testosterone, it can make the simplest task seem monumental. It’s all you can do just to make it to work every day. Anything else seems like too much effort, including physical activity, socializing with friends, and maintaining mutually rewarding relationships with family. You used to be a go-getter, but now you’re content to let someone else do things. This holds you back at work and makes life less satisfactory in general. **14. Male breast growth:** Gynecomastia, which is the medical term for enlargement of male breasts, is an extremely embarrassing problem for men. The first signs of this condition may appear at puberty as your hormone levels are increasing. However, it typically resolves on its own as things settle down. When your level of testosterone goes in the other direction, gynecomastia can return. The extra weight you may have put on due to low testosterone may also cause breast enlargement. Additionally, many men with confirmed low testosterone complain of increased tenderness around their breasts. **15. Problems concentrating:** For some men, lower levels of testosterone can cause problems with concentration and memory. Much of the dynamic is linked to emotional regulation; a function that takes part largely in the brain. ### **What Can You Do?** The best way to determine if you have challenges with low testosterone is to schedule a visit with your doctor. A simple test can be used to assess what’s going on. Your physician may suggest [lifestyle changes as a natural remedy](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1542681847/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1542681847&linkId=6c8cfb07e02f952387d3e723b7367446). Depending on your situation, other recommendations may be offered, including prescription medications or shots. But here is the thing – you won’t know unless you speak with your doctor. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** muscle, Testosterone --- ### [Science Says Psychopaths are Attracted to Other Psychopaths](https://guycounseling.com/psychopaths-dating-1029/) **Published:** October 29, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![psychopaths dating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/couple-kissing.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Study reveals attraction styles** If you are like most people, the last person you want to attract to your life is a [psychopath](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2016/09/signs-man-psychopath/). You know what I’m talking about, right? These are folks who lack a chip to feel empathy, are highly manipulative and often dangerous. If you have ever dated this personality type, you already know how they can turn your life upside down and make you completely miserable. Many books have been written on this topic with the primary goal of helping folks avoid getting caught up in a psychopath’s manipulative – and charming – snares. Now, a new study has been released that suggests many psychopaths are attracted to mates who also happen to be psychopaths. Investigators with Emory University asked 696 participants to complete a survey that asked them to imagine a physically attractive mate and then assign this person various personality characteristics from a list of 70 traits. Many of the characteristics were based on specific diagnostic criterion from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Long story short, the researchers discovered that participants favored “Factor 1” psychopathic traits. Examples include manipulativeness, superficial charm, and a lack of empathy. That said, these same participants did not show as much interest in “Factor 2” characteristics. These include being irresponsible or impulsive. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/interracial-couple-white-indian-woman-black-man-phone-selfie-la.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) That said, overall interest in being with someone who had most of the psychopathic traits was low. “To a large extent, our findings support a ‘like attracts like’ hypothesis for psychopathic traits,” noted the authors of the study, which was published in the [Journal of Personality](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jopy.12394). What’s interesting about this line of research is that participants who ranked high on a measure of psychopathy seemed to gravitate towards mates who also had high levels of psychopathic traits. Males were more attracted to mates with higher levels of psychopathy than females, per the study. Does this mean men need to be more mindful when searching for a romantic partner? Searching for answers, I spoke with Dr. John Moore, a licensed psychotherapist (and editor of this blog). Here is what he had to say about this topic. “It’s an interesting study to be sure but I am not sure we can draw any conclusions based on one line of research. In addition, psychopathic personality traits can mirror other typologies, including folks who could be qualify as having borderline personality disorder.” Moore goes on to add, “I’m not surprised by the results. People generally are attracted to people they can relate to.” It should be pointed out there are limitations to this study. Probably the biggest one relates to creating fantasy mate versus what one might be attracted to – and date – in real life. Said the study authors, “Our findings suggest that although absolute preferences for psychopathic traits are low on average, individuals with marked psychopathic features are generally more inclined than others to endorse a romantic preference for psychopathic individuals, at least in the abstract.” Well, there you have it, folks. **Have you ever dated a psychopath?** **Categories:** News, Psychology, Relationships **Tags:** Attraction, Dating, Love, Psychopath, Romance --- ### [Impulsive Decision Making Tied to Facebook Addiction](https://guycounseling.com/impulsive-behaviors-facebook-link/) **Published:** October 23, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![facebook](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/facebook.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Link between Facebook use and impulsive choices found in study** Do you ever make quick decisions you later regret? Do you buy things you can’t afford without giving it much thought? Hoping to create positive change in the area of decision making? If the answer is yes, you might want to examine your social media usage. That’s because a new study suggests people who are addicted to Facebook are more likely to make impulsive decisions. Investigators have published their findings in the journal *[Addiction Research and Theory](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/16066359.2017.1406482?journalCode=iart20)*. In it, they discuss their study of 75 college students from a Midwestern university who took an assessment called the Bergen Facebook Addiction Scale. The results suggest people addicted to the social media behemoth were more likely to display delay discounting. You may be wondering what that term means exactly? It’s simple. Delay discounting is when you opt for a smaller, quicker reward as opposed to waiting for a larger reward in the future. In the study, participants were asked if they wanted $70.00 now or $200.00 in 14 days (2 weeks). ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/rjRkXQJBOt0d2/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Participants who said they used Facebook to distract from personal problems tried to cut down their usage without much success. In fact, they reported using Facebook so much that it negatively impacted their school studies and jobs – and were more apt to prefer the quick $70.00 as opposed to the $200 later. **Related:** [Mindfulness can help impulsive spending](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-reflection-impulse-buying/) “I’m not surprised to see the results of this study. We’ve known for some time now that frequent social media usage has a negative impact on delayed gratification,” said Tyler Fortman, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist who Guy Counseling spoke to about the findings. “But do people see the link?” he added. The author’s shared the following about their investigation: “Steep delay discounting, or a preference for smaller immediate rewards instead of investing in a larger payout in the future, has been an observed behavior across addictions.” They go on to add, “This finding thus strengthens the proposition that \[social media addiction\] may share neurocognitive processes similar to other addictions.” Generalizing the results to the larger population is difficult, given this study’s small sample size. More research needs to be done in the future to make stronger determinations. **Are you addicted to Facebook? Can you draw a line between impulsive behaviors and time spent on social media?** **Categories:** News, Psychology **Tags:** Facebook, Impulsive, Social Media, Study --- ### [10 Tips to Manage Arthritis Symptoms During Winter](https://guycounseling.com/arthritis-symptoms-winter/) **Published:** October 22, 2018 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![Arthritis](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/man-stretching.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Struggling with arthritis?** You might have heard other people with arthritis say they could predict rainy weather or an upcoming cold snap by the pain in their joints or said those words yourself. The barometric pressure that causes the colder weather of winter does indeed impact how you feel. The arthritis management tips you normally employ aren’t always enough to stay ahead of the pain during the winter months. While medical researchers and climatologists can’t pinpoint the exact reason for your cold weather arthritis challenges, it’s nice to know that thousands of other sufferers have reported the same thing. Below are 10 tips to help you manage your arthritis better, no matter where you live. ### **1. Dress Warmly** Make sure you dress warmly every time you leave the house. This includes adding extra layers to cover your legs and knees, thick gloves to keep your hands warm, and footwear with a built-in layer of warmth. Dressing in layers gives you the greatest control of your comfort. You can always remove a shirt or pair of long underwear if you become too warm. ### **2. Hydration Matters** Keep yourself hydrated by drinking plenty of water during the day. Allowing yourself to become even mildly dehydrated can increase your sensitivity to arthritis pain. If possible, drink 8-10 fluid ounces of water. If you want to change things up, consider flavored waters that are available at most grocery stores. Avoid sugary drinks that can add unwanted calories – and weight. ### **3. Stay Active** While it’s tempting to avoid going outside and lead a sedentary lifestyle during the winter, make sure you remain active by exercising indoors. Regular physical activity is one of the most important things you can do to manage your arthritis pain. If you don’t want to join a gym or invest in exercise equipment, plan to do a few laps around your local mall each day. Activity keeps your [muscles strong](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) and ligaments lumber. ### **4. Warm Baths Help** Take a warm bath often and go swimming in a heated pool if you have the opportunity. You just want to avoid going directly from warm water to cool air since your body temperature needs time to adjust. FYI – If you are unable to take a bath because you don’t have a bathtub, a warm shower may be equally helpful. ### **![Sagittarius Men are optimistic](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-holding-sun.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ### **5. Get Some Sun** Sunshine is an important natural source of Vitamin D, but it’s in short supply during the winter. Taking a supplement of Vitamin D in the winter is important to keep your joints as healthy as possible. Besides making arthritis worse, a lack of Vitamin D also increases your risk of developing osteoporosis. ### **6. Supportive Shoes Matter** Reduce your risk of injury when going outside by wearing supportive, solid shoes and remaining aware of your environment.  Freezing rain can make walkways especially slick, so be sure to avoid walking on any surface that has a glare to it. Look for high quality footwear that supports your arches, legs, and back. ### **7. Consider Fish Oil** Start taking fish oil tablets if you don’t already do so. The Arthritis Foundation suggests taking up to 2.6 grams of it each day to reduce inflammation levels. However, let your doctor know if you decide to take fish oil since it can increase the risk of bleeding or bruising. ### **8. Massages Offer Relief** A weekly massage can be an effective strategy for reducing both joint and muscle pain. If cost is a concern, commit to it just for the winter or make bi-weekly appointments instead. If your personal finances prohibit frequent massages, consider using a [tennis ball for self-massage](https://www.painscience.com/articles/tennis-ball.php). ### **9. Pain Relievers for Inflammation** Don’t be afraid to use over-the-counter pain relievers when you’re in the middle of an arthritis flare. While lifestyle changes are often effective to manage pain, you may need drug therapy on occasion as well. You can lessen the likelihood of side effects by taking the lowest possible dose for the shortest amount of time you need to experience relief. Some people who experience worsening arthritis pain in the winter have found relief with acupuncture. It may be worth investigating if you’re open to alternative treatments. ### **10 Lose Weight if Necessary** Carrying even a few extra pounds can put added stress on your joints, especially those in your knees and feet. Losing weight may be the most important thing of all to manage your arthritis all four seasons of the year. Don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with your primary care physician if you still struggle with worsening pain during the winter or you need help with a weight loss plan. **Do you struggle with arthritis? Do your symptoms become worse during winter?** **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Arthritis, Hydration, Pain, Sun --- ### [7 Tablets Reviewed for 2018 Holiday Season](https://guycounseling.com/tablet-gifts-2018-reviewed/) **Published:** October 22, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![tabletideas](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/tablet.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Here’s our review of tablets for 2018 Tablets can range in size, power and price, but they offer the finest middle ground for tech. users who want the web, onboard apps and entertainment options all in one place. With so many variations on their features, capabilities and price range, tablets are the no-brainer holiday gift this year. However, the competition is fierce. It’s largely a battle for dominance between the tech. giants – Apple, Google and Microsoft. That’s because their operating systems are the only game in town: iOS, Android, and now Chrome. Samsung and Amazon are both prime contenders this holiday season though. The Galaxy Tab S4 could replace your smart phone and the Fire HD tablet from Amazon is an entertainment dynamo. Should you be looking at buying a smart phone instead of a tablet? New smart phones are more popular than tablets, but they usually come bundled into a service provider’s annual contract, so they’re difficult to buy as a one-off gift. The [Consumer Technology Association](https://www.cta.tech/News/Press-Releases/2018/January/2018-Tech-Industry-Revenue-to-Reach-Record-$351-Bi.aspx) estimated that sales of tablets would fall by 12 percent this year, but I don’t think Amazon got that memo. Amazon overtook Samsung last year as the second largest tablet manufacturer in the world and their sales are steadily booming. Their new Amazon Fire HD tablet is a hot item, but it’s not the only tablet worth considering. Luckily, all that competition means a savvy shopper like you can scoop up a great deal on a tablet just in time for the holidays. ### **Tablets are Replacing TVs and Desktop PCs** Just about any tablet in this list can be acquired in a range of sizes, but 10 to 12-inch screens seem to be the sweet spot. The Amazon Kindle Fire HD 10 and iPad Pro are prime examples of tablet devices that are aimed at producing the ideal video viewing experience. Pushing the boundaries of what constitutes a portable device these days, the Google Pixel Slate has a huge 12.3-inch display that can be rather cumbersome if you’re trying to settle in for a Netflix marathon. **Related:** [Best holiday stocking stuffers for men](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/) Mini tablets were more popular five years ago, but now they’re rubbing elbows with smart phones. For most people, it’s either one or the other. However, Apple’s iPad Mini 4 seems to have market dominance with the small size package. ### **Criteria for Comparison** These are the top tablets for the 2018 holiday season based on their novelty, performance, price point and longevity. Year after year, there’s an ever-evolving list of new devices on the shelf and what’s new today won’t be fit for purpose a year from now. So, that makes buying a tablet quite difficult. With prices climbing into the stratosphere, you could be left with buyer’s remorse if you see that your brand-new tablet has an even-newer version coming out in just a few months. That said, the availability of better models is a top criteria in this list. ### **Top Tablets for the Holidays Reviewed** ### ***1. Apple iPad Mini 4*** The Apple iPad mini 4 is the smallest tablet on the list, but certainly one of the best. It weighs in at just 299 grams. It comes with an A8 processor and the iOS 10 Safari platform. That means it’s lean and mean. It has a 7-inch screen, but the resolution is tops: 1536×2048 resolution. The rear camera has 8 megapixels, but the front camera comes in at just 1.2 MP. You have access to apps like iTunes, iMovies, Apple Maps and FaceTime. You can also pick just about any service provider you want: Sprint, Verizon, you name it. A 16 GB storage package comes standard, but you can scale that all the way up to 128 GB if necessary. You can expect 10 hours of battery life even when operating at full brightness with multiple apps open. Don’t forget that the iPad Mini 4 has the split screen option that allows for multiple apps to run simultaneously. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to link-up a keyboard or stylus though. The compact size, sleek design, and powerful processor give the iPad Mini 4 staying power in an ever-changing market. The only competition for this tablet is the larger iPad Pro. The iPad Mini 4 is at the high end of the price spectrum at nearly any level, but with the Apple pedigree, it’s portability and longevity in the market, it’s worth every penny. ### *2. Apple iPad Pro 10.5* The Apple iPad Pro 10.5 is the dominant tablet on the market this year, but it’s not bargain-priced. It’s peerless when it comes to powerhouse computing, striking display, and thin, ergonomic casing. In terms of performance, the iPad Pro has a blisteringly-fast A10X Fusion processor, 4 GB RAM, and base models get 64 GB of storage memory. Although you can’t integrate a micro SD, you can still scale the memory up to 512 gigabytes. Those numbers will even put some desktop computers in drydock. The iPad Pro has a 10.5-inch display, but it doesn’t feel bulky in your hands. It weighs in at 469 grams. The new design allows for better sound quality. Remarkably, the iPad Pro’s sound is crisp and downright loud. It’s operated on the iOS 11 platform with Safari and can be integrated with a keyboard and Apple Pencil. It’s not quite a MacBook, but the iPad Pro can put in some serious work when needed. Its stamina is hit or miss though and depends largely on what you’re doing with the tablet. Word processing will tax the iPad Pro less, but watching movies in full HD will run your battery out in under 8 hours. Apple’s brought on some next levels apps for this device to make up for it. Some standouts are the Document Scanner in Notes, Instant Markup for scribbling on PDFs, and Apple Maps. If the rumours are true, an 11-inch and 12.9-inch iPad Pro are in the works for the future, but if you are comfortable with the size of the iPad Pro 10.5, you won’t feel the need to buy a new one anytime soon. ### *3. Samsung Galaxy Tab S4* If you’re looking for a tablet that feels more like a workhorse than an entertainment tablet, then take a closer look at the Galaxy Tab S4 from Samsung. It has a powerful Octa Core processor, 4 gigabytes of RAM, and 64 gigabyte memory. You can even expand the memory with an available micro SD. The S4 runs the Android 8.1 operating system. For multi-taskers, a stylus pen is included at no extra charge, but you will have to cough up extra cash for the keyboard case. The Galaxy S4 Tab has up to 16 hours of battery life, but that figure will drop a bit if you really put your device to task. There’s an interesting software package on the S4 called DeX. It’s designed to mimic your desktop PC experience with a taskbar, drag-and-drop functionality and resizable windows. For entertainment buffs, the Galaxy Tab S4 has a 10.5-inch screen and Dolby surround sound. There’s a 13-megapixel camera on the back and an 8MP camera on the front of the device. 4K video recording is handled by the rear camera and the front shoots video at 1080p. The Samsung Galaxy Tab S4 is the result of a tightly-contested battle with Apple’s iPad. You, the consumer, are the benefactor. This tablet has all the functionality and features of an iPad, but at a reduced cost. This powerful tablet won’t become obsolete any time soon, and you can bet on the value of the S4 for years to come. ### *4. Amazon Kindle Fire HD 10* The Amazon Kindle Fire HD has finally proven to the world that it’s more than just a reading tablet. That’s because it’s got some seriously powerful hardware in the form of a 2GB RAM and 1.8gHz CPU combo. Operating Amazon apps, games, music and movies is cake work, but there is something lacking here. The Fire OS doesn’t give you access to Google aps like YouTube and Gmail. You also won’t find popular apps that you can acquire through the Apple App Store. You’ve got to settle for the Fire OS, Kindle Unlimited, Amazon Prime and convince yourself that having Alexa onboard is a worthy trade-off. The HD 10 has a long-lasting battery life that can run continuously for 10 hours without charging. That’s on par with the iPad. Fully charging the Amazon tablet takes about five hours. Perhaps the greatest value for the Fire HD 10 is the brilliant 10-inch LCD display that boasts a 1920 x 1200 resolution. There’re two onboard cameras, as well. It does feel a bit bargain in the hand because the controls are in less-than-ideal locations and the casing plastic is chunky and cheaper than its rivals. Upsides to this tablet are the affordable range of prices and the entertainment value that the Fire HD presents its users. ### *5. Amazon Fire HD 7 Kid’s Edition* Amazon makes a second appearance on this holiday season’s top tablet list with the Fire HD 7 Kid’s Edition tablet. It’s for kids, but this is a fully-functional, multi-use tablet. Most notably, the Fire HD Kid’s Edition comes with a 2-year worry-free warranty. Kids will be kids, but this tablet can be easily replaced if your little ones figure out how to destroy it. That’s not going to be easy because the Amazon Fire HD 7 for kids is built tough. The casing is durable, yet lightweight. At just 390 grams, only the iPad Mini is lighter in the hand. It comes in pink, blue and yellow. Cosmetics aside, this tablet has 16 GB of storage, onboard cameras, available mini SD slot, and 8 hours of battery life. The Amazon operating system might not be on par with Apple and Google just yet, but it seems perfectly suited for kiddie surfing. The tablet comes pre-loaded with 5,000 apps, games, videos, books and educational content from Disney, Nickelodeon, Sesame Street, and more. This works with a 1-year free subscription, so prepare to top it up once the service runs out. One impressive feature for this tablet is the parental control function. You can set usage limits and limit the access to certain apps on the device and via remote. The icons are large and colourful, making for an easy interface experience for toddlers on up to pre-teens. Adults might even secretly get a kick out of some of the onboard games. ### ***6. Google Pixel Slate*** Google is a talented chameleon when it comes to tablets. They’ve taken the best features from Amazon, Samsung and Apple to create a contender of their own – the Pixel Slate. It comes with the guts of a desktop computer – an Intel Celeron, Intel Core i5 and i7 are all on tap for the choosing. In keeping with the depth of choices Google gives you, the Pixel Slate can be outfitted with 4 GB, 8 GB or 16 GB of RAM. Storage options vary from 32 GB on up to 256 GB. The Pixel Slate waves goodbye to the old Android operating system and puts in an updated Chrome OS. The 12.3-inch molecular display screen has 6 million pixels at the ready for vibrant viewing of movies and games. The Pixel Slate is thin and feels like an oversized Pixel phone. Yet, when coupled with the available keyboard mount, the Pixel Slate steps on the toes of Microsoft’s Surface Pro in terms of functionality. Fast charging and 4K video output come courtesy of two new USB-C ports (which most tablets in this generation don’t have yet). The Pixel Slate has a fingerprint scanner for enhanced security, but just one front-facing 8MP camera.  Also, there’s no headphone jack. You’ll need Bluetooth headphones or speakers to get a decent audio experience. Pricing is tiered much like an iPad. The Pixel Slate can range from affordable to astronomical depending on the processor and RAM that you choose. This is a brand-new device though. If the trendiest tablet is what you’re after, then this is the device you’re looking for. ### ***7. Microsoft Surface Pro 6*** Back in 2013, Microsoft boldly took a swing at Apple with the Surface Pro. It was a versatile tablet that offered something different than the iPad experience – a familiar operating system and a removable keyboard. This year, it’s all about the Microsoft Surface Pro 6 tablet and critics are unanimous in its praise. Instead of trying to conquer the tablet market, Microsoft hopes that the Surface Pro 6 will replace both your laptop and your smart phone. One of the main selling points is that the Surface Pro 6 operates on the Windows 10 platform and has an eighth generation Intel Core i5 processor. It has a whopping 13.5 hours of sustained battery life and 12.3-inch display screen. There are some powerful cameras on the Surface Pro 6, as well. You get 5 megapixels up front and 8 in the rear. Notably, the keyboard doesn’t come with the base model and it will cost more to include one in the package. Also, you can get more RAM and onboard storage for a larger price tag at checkout. One major drawback for the Surface Pro 6 is that Microsoft is already leaking details about next year’s release of an even better Surface Pro 7. So, if you are thinking of gifting someone a Surface Pro 6, keep that in mind. I hope the review of these tablets helps you with your holiday gift giving plans! **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Gifts, Tablet, Tablets --- ### [Are Your Supplements Spiked with Steroids and Viagra?](https://guycounseling.com/supplements-spiked-1015/) **Published:** October 15, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![supplements](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/vitamins.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New report suggests supplements contain unauthorized ingredients If you are like a lot of people, you probably take some type of dietary supplement for health purposes. In fact, a 2017 [report](https://www.crnusa.org/newsroom/dietary-supplement-usage-increases-says-new-survey) suggests nearly a third of Americans do so. Does this describe you? If so, now might be a good time to think carefully about the pills and powders you put into your body. According to an extensive, 9-year investigation conducted by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), some of the supplements you take for weight loss, erectile dysfunction, and muscle building may be spiked with unapproved ingredients. ## Steroids, Viagra and Prozac As published in [JAMA Reports](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2706496), a whopping **80% of the drugs tested** contained substances not listed on the label and another 20% had at least two. You may be wondering what kind of substances? How about steroids, sildenafil (an ingredient in Viagra) and fluoxetine (found in the anti-depressant Prozac). Taking any of these drugs without knowing can present serious health risks – more so when they are combined with other substances that are counter-indicated. For example, taking an SSRI (anti-depressant) with alcohol has been shown to cause drowsiness and even blackouts. Additionally, withdrawal from certain drugs, such as steroids, can cause extreme mood swings. ![ghb joel taylor](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/GHB.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Many people think over the counter supplements, like vitamins, are regulated by the FDA. The truth is most are not. That’s because they are considered “food items” and therefore not under the agency’s purview. **Related:** [Are your ADHD meds making you hallucinate?](https://guycounseling.com/adhd-medication-hallucinate/) Translation? Many supplements go directly onto shelves from the manufacturer without careful governmental scrutiny. Even when someone makes a complaint about the potential harms of a supplement, the FDA has little power to yank the product from stores. Amy Eichner, Special Advisor on Drug Reference & Supplements at the US Anti-Doping Agency, told [Wired](https://www.wired.com/story/dietary-supplements-can-contain-viagra-steroids-or-worse/) that people need to be aware of what is going on. “It’s crucial for consumers to realize how little the FDA can actually do to remove tainted products from the market or to prevent unethical companies from selling their products,” she said. Guy Counseling spoke to Michael Elder, a Chicago [personal trainer](https://goo.gl/6Fotdt) about the report to get his impressions. “Most of my clients take some type of a supplement – be it a pill or powder. The findings from this investigation are certainly troubling, ” he said. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Alcohol, Depression, Drugs, Steroids --- ### [Is the Book “Return of the Gentleman” Worth Buying?](https://guycounseling.com/return-gentleman-book-review/) **Published:** September 29, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/anxiety-man-meditation.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Review of Return of the Gentleman by Heer** Believe it or not, a lot of guys like reading books that focus on self-improvement. The problem is finding quality material that speaks directly to men can be difficult to find. Don’t get me wrong. *Those books do exist*. But many of them focus on career advancement and transforming oneself [into an alpha male](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/). Not to be left out, there are also the garden variety books that are gender neutral but aren’t really targeted towards males. That’s why I was pleasantly surprised to read a short(ish) book called: *Return of the Gentleman*: *Creating Nurturing Connections by Embracing the Authentic You* by Dain Heer. What follows is my quick review, based on my personal observations. Before diving too far into things, I want to state now that I’m not getting any money for this write up from the author or compensation through an affiliate program. ## What I Liked Right off the bat, I liked how the book immediately set an inclusive tone. You’ll find no hyper-masculine bravado in this read, which I must say is refreshing. Here are some plusses, bullet-pointed to make things simple: - The book challenges men to reconsider their definition of what it means to be a gentleman. - An honest exploration of today’s masculinity crisis. - Encourages readers to get away from toxic self-judgment. - Asks men to honor who they are by getting in touch with their authentic selves. - Provides a blueprint for guys to create nurturing relationships with themselves and others. - A meaningful examination of sexualness, contextualized through the male lens. Perhaps the most compelling part of the book relates to the last bullet point on “sexualness”. Heer defines this concept as *a space of being*. What does this mean? According to the author, it is healing, caring, nurturing, generative, creative, joyful, expansive, and orgasmic. Speaking only to myself, this resonated with me because too many men seem to focus on the obtainment of sex without creating awareness around other important aspects. I also appreciated the section of the book that examined how men can create nurturing relationships. At its core, Heer is offering helpful insight to men about why creating supportive bonds with other men is important while challenging all of us to ditch stereotypes. As a counselor, here is what I know. [Men are terribly lonely](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/12/lonely-men/). The problem is many of us don’t know how to go about the business of creating (or maintaining) friendships that are mutually supportive. That’s why the section of the book that addresses the issue of relationships was so meaningful. ## What I didn’t like: Honestly, I can’t say there wasn’t a whole lot I didn’t like about this book. If I had to pick something, I suppose it would be the need to focus more on personal accountability. Yes, the author addresses this in chapter six but to my eye, it needed a little more substance. But again, I’m simply pointing out something for the sake of offering balance. ## Wrap Up The central question of this blog post is simple: **Is Return of the Gentleman by Dain Heer worth the money?** Speaking only for myself, I can tell you that I seriously enjoyed this book. At a national retail price of $15.99 (e-book may be less), I’d be hard pressed to tell you it’s overpriced. To me, it is not. In closing, I’ll just add this tidbit. The book pulls on several mindful concepts that echo larger themes linked to new-ageism. If you are a follower of this blog, you already know we do that a lot around here. That said, I recognize there are some readers who aren’t all about Zen. Should this be the case for you, Heer’s book may not be to your liking. But if you are a man who wants to focus on conscious living, *[Return of the Gentleman](https://returnofthegentleman.com/)* may be a great fit. **Have you read this book? If so, what were your impressions?** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Alpha Men, Book, Books, Self-Esteem, Self-Improvement --- ### [Old Spice Beard Kit – Rip Off or Good Deal?](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-beard-kit-review-1013/) **Published:** October 13, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![old spice beard kit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-with-beard-cowboy-flannel.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Old Spice Beard Kit Did you hear the news? Old Spice, the makers of the iconic cologne, has expanded its product line. Specifically, they’ve launched a beard kit for men that promises to be a one-stop shop for guys who are looking to simplify their beard grooming routine. ## But is the beard kit worth the money? To find out the answer, I recently starting using their kit and put it to the test for 14-days. What follows is a review of my experience, unfiltered. To begin with, here is what comes with the box: - Beard wash (7.6 fluid ounces) - Conditioner (5.0 fluid ounces) - Beard oil (1.7 fluid ounces) - Beard balm (2.22 fluid ounces) So, is Old Spice’s beard kit a good deal or is it a rip-off? I can only speak for myself when I say that I’ve been very pleased. ![old spice beard kit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Old Spice Beard Kit – Good Deal? ## What I liked: To make things simple, I’ve outlined some of the things I like about this kit: - Easy to read labeling for quick retrieval - Decent amount of product in each container - Makes organizing beard grooming materials simple - Crisp, masculine scent that is consistent for three of the four products \[beard oil is unscented\]. - Reasonable price considering stand-a-lone products for alternative brands can cost a lot more. To expand a bit on the above, I have to say the conditioner really did an **amazing job** at making my beard less scratchy and softer. I’m mentioning this because if you happen to color your beard with a product to get the grey out – like [Just for Men Beard Coloring](https://guycounseling.com/just-for-men-beard-dye-review/), you already know how dry and brittle your whiskers can get. That’s why I was pleasantly surprised at the transformation in how my beard felt after using the four items, particularly the conditioner. When combined with the oil and balm, my facial hair was easier to groom and less “scratchy”. ## What I didn’t like: To keep it real, there wasn’t a whole lot that I found unlikable about Old Spice’s beard kit. If I had to pick one thing, I guess it would be they should have thrown in a brush to complete the box. **Related:** [Review of Old Spice Hair Paste](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-hair-paste-review-829/) Sure, you can buy beard brushes just about anywhere. But if you are going to sell something like this, doesn’t it make sense to include a grooming tool? Just food for thought if the folks at Old Spice are reading this. ## Old Spice Beard Kit – Rip-Off or Worth It? So, what is my answer to the central question of this review – is the Old Spice beard kit a rip-off or worth it? All I can tell you is that I’ve been very happy and plan on using in the future. At a national retail price of approximately $53.00, I recognize this guy isn’t exactly cheap. That said, I encourage you to compare just one item from the kit, like the oil, with a competitor. Some oils alone can cost as much as $30.00. So, when you package everything together, meaning the wash, conditioner, oil, and balm, it’s not hard to see how this grooming kit can save you money. The Old Spice beard kit is available for purchase from various retail outlets, including online at [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2pR2x2R). I recognize there are other reviews out there that suggest the beard kit is overpriced and that some of the products are of low quality. All I can say is this hasn’t been my experience. Your best bet is to look around, assess reviews, and make your own determination. For me, the convenience of having an all-in-one kit makes things super simple. Right now, I have all four products lined up under my bathroom sink for quick retrieval. **Have you used the Old Spice beard kit? If so, what were your impressions? Did you like it? Feel free to share your comments below.** **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** Beard, Beard Kit, Grooming Kit, Old Spice --- ### [Elon Musk: A Closer Look](https://guycounseling.com/elon-musk-bio-facts/) **Published:** October 10, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![elon musk](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/elon-m1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Elon Musk is a lot more interesting than you think Elon Musk is one of the richest men in the world according to *Forbes* and he’s a very complicated man. He’s a rebel, an entrepreneur, inventor and a visionary. Musk is the co-founder of Paypal, the current [CEO of Tesla Motors](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2018/09/07/tesla-ceo-elon-musk-marijuana-controversy/1222499002/) and co-founder and CEO of Space X. He’s involved with numerous other groundbreaking business entities such as Solar City, The Boring Company and Neuralink. He’s been married three times to two different women and has dated a handful of Hollywood socialites. Musk is a controversial social figure whose peculiar ways have gotten him into more than a little bit of trouble. In August of 2018, he tweeted that he was in negotiations to take Tesla Motors out of public trading. The single tweet earned him over a billion dollars in 24 hours, but it also put him under investigation by the SEC. Elon Musk’s claim that he found private investors for Tesla was completely false and as a result he was stripped from his position as chairman of the board. He was seen smoking weed on Joe Rogan’s podcast and was accused of tweeting while on acid by pop star Azalea Banks. As if that wasn’t enough, Elon has accused one of the divers who rescued a team of Thai football players, a pedophile. Eccentricities aside, Elon Musk is a workaholic who regularly pulls 120-hour work weeks. He owns $72 million dollars’ worth of Bel-air mansions. His plans to take humanity to Mars, his deadly flamethrower invention, his plans to build a network of bullet trains in California and his phobias over artificial intelligence put Elon Musk on par with other troubled geniuses such as Steve Jobs, Stephen Hawking and Nikola Tesla. The man has become the definition of what it means to be a rebel billionaire. Robert Downy, Jr. and Jason Favreau revealed that Elon Musk was their inspiration for the character of Tony Stark in the popular *Iron Man* movies. ## Guy File: Elon Musk **Birthday:** June 28, 1971 **Birth Sign:** [Cancer Male](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/) **Birthplace:** Pretoria, South Africa **Height:** 6’ 1” **Eye Color:** [Green-Hazel](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/) ## 1. He has problems sleeping Elon Musk is a very busy man and understandably doesn’t get much sleep. There’s no 9 to 5 for this Tesla CEO. He works 120 hours a week and requires sleeping pills to get some rest. He told an interviewer with *The New York Times* – “It is often a choice of no sleep or Ambien.” While Elon Musk was married to Talulah Riley, his second wife, she reported that he would often have [horrible dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/). He would wake up screaming and jump on top of her in the night. ## 2. He lived through a traumatic childhood Elon Musk was such an introverted young child that his mother thought that he was deaf. Elon Musk was bullied relentlessly at school. He was thrown down a flight of stairs, kicked and punched repeatedly. The violence had long term effects on his health and Elon needed to have surgery at the age of 41 to correct a deviated septum. **Related:** [10 facts about actor Tom Hardy](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-facts/) His parents divorced when he was 10 years old and he also had an abusive father who subjected Elon to emotional and mental torture. Around that same time, Elon found solace in computer programming. ## ![vacations aren't elon musks thing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/dream-analysis-therapist-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)3. He hates taking vacations Elon Musk went on a vacation trip with his first wife Justine Wilson in the year 2000. While visiting a game reserve near the border with Mozambique, Elon contracted malaria. At first, he was mis-diagnosed by doctors. It took six months for him to fully recover and there were moments during that time when Elon Musk was knocking on death’s door. There’s a quote from his biography that says – “That’s my lesson for taking a vacation: vacation will kill you.” ## 4. He has children Elon Musk’s first child was named Nevada. Tragically, when Elon’s son was just 10 weeks old he died of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Within the span of five years, his first wife gave birth to a set of twins and then a set of triplets. They used in-vitro fertilization and had all boys. Due largely to their partying lifestyle in Los Angeles, Elon and Justine needed an entire team of nannies to help manage their parental life. Now, after their divorce, the two have joint custody of their five sons. ## 5. He’s a gamer Elon Musk enjoys first-person shooter video games. It’s not all about the violence. Elon prefers games that tell an intricate story, as well. Some of his favorites include *Bioshock, Mass Effect* and *Warcraft*. Elon Musk created his own video game back in 1984 called *Blastar.* As you would expect, the game is about blasting alien spacecrafts that are loaded with weapons of mass destruction. He was only 12 years old but sold the source code of the video game for $500 dollars. It wasn’t brought onto the market until 2015 though when a Google software engineer gave it a reboot. ![elon musk facts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-dark-suit-at-a-funeral.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 6. He’s had a string of celebrity love affairs Elon Musk seems to have a thing for celebrities. After divorcing his first wife, author Justine Wilson in 2008, Musk has dated several notable stars. His second wife was English actress Talulah Riley. After their second divorce in 2016, Musk moved on to Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz. Their relationship was short-lived, and Elon put the moves on Johnny Depp’s ex-wife Amber Heard. That on-again, off-again relationship ended in February of 2018. Elon Musk is currently dating pop singer Grimes, who happens to be 17 years his junior. ## 7. He tweets like Donald Trump Elon Musk has had some seriously controversial [tweets](https://twitter.com/elonmusk?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor) over the years prompting comparisons to President Donald Trump. While on medication for a deviated septum back in 2013, Elon tweeted several ideas for new Tesla vehicles. Most of his troubles of 2018 came from social media posts that should have never been posted. In August of this year, Elon Musk got involved in a bitter feud with Azalea Banks who claimed that Musk’s girlfriend leaked private information to her about his drug habits and eccentric lifestyle. **Related:** [10 facts about actor Scott Eastwood](https://guycounseling.com/scott-eastwood-height-girlfriends-workout-routine-skincare/) The feud prompted Elon Musk to delete his Instagram account. Most notably, Elon Musk got into a bit of legal trouble when he tweeted that Tesla was about to go private even though he had never discussed the business arrangement with the board of directors. As a result, he was removed from his position as chairman. ## 8 He’s not as wealthy as you think Elon Musk was born into wealth. His father accumulated financial security from the trade of precious minerals in South Africa. Elon Musk’s annual salary at Tesla Motors is just $1, but his net worth is estimated at around $20 billion USD. As a risky investor and entrepreneur, Elon Musk’s financial status is always going up and down. He became a millionaire at the age of 28. When he divorced his first wife, Elon Musk had absolutely no liquid funds to claim. He invested $33 million dollars into Tesla Motors and was living off personal loans from his wealthy friends. ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/types-of-leadership-man-in-shirt-tie.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)9. He’s a big James Bond fan It’s unknown whether Elon Musk fashions himself as a 007 hero or villain, but he’s a huge fan of the franchise. His favorite Bond movie is *Moonraker* and Roger Moore was his favorite Bond actor. Elon bought a bespoke Louis Esprit submarine car called *The Wet Nellie* that was featured in a Bond movie. The submarine car is from the movie *The Spy Who Loved Me.* He spent $866,000 on the vehicle and was disappointed to find out that car doesn’t actually transform and submerge. He plans on upgrading the *Wet Nellie* with Tesla technology to make his Bond dreams a reality. ## 10. He drinks lots and lots of caffeine A busy man like Elon Musk is sure to find a friend in the wonder drug caffeine. When his companies were in their infancy, Elon Musk drank several large coffees a day. He would then complement those beverages with up to 8 diet cokes. **Related:** [Specialty coffees revealed](https://guycounseling.com/specialty-coffee-824/) That’s well over the safe daily intake recommendation of 400 mg. Elon Musk says that he only has about 2 cups of coffee these days, but at one point in time he was “so freaking jacked that I started to feel like I was losing my peripheral vision.” ## ![free weights](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/free-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Bonus: Elon Musk Info ## Workouts Elon Musk has an athletic build which suits his 6-foot frame. He doesn’t have much free time but staying healthy is still high on his list of priorities. Elon Musk prefers to exercise in the mornings but doesn’t have a set schedule. He maintains his cardiovascular fitness by running on the treadmill and he works on strength training by lifting weights twice a week. ## Elon Musk Grooming and Style For a man with such a high level of stress, Elon Musk is never seen in public looking less than dapper.  At the 2018 Met Gala, Elon Musk looked sophisticated and neat in a white jacket with inverted priest collar to fit the theme of this year’s event. Surprisingly, he also designed his girlfriend’s dress complete with Tesla logo choker. It’s rare for a tech genius to also double as a fashion icon, but Elon Musk fits the bill. When dressed down, Elon prefers a fitted T-shirt with matching jeans and Aviator glasses. When dressing up, he delights in a James Bond style all-black tuxedo. Cleanliness ranks high on Musk’s list of grooming priorities and he notes that showering is his favorite part of the morning ritual. Due to a lack of sleep, Elon most likely uses an [eye balm or cream to reduce the look of puffiness](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). Early images of Elon Musk in 2000 show a deeply-receding hairline and it is likely that he’s undergone multiple hair transplant surgeries to restore a full frock to his crown. In 2018, he wasn’t afraid to let a few [strands of gray](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/) compliment his temples. That salt and pepper look continues in his facial hair, as well. Sometimes, Elon Musk is seen clean-shaven, but he can also pull off a clean, medium-length chinstrap. ## Summing Things Up Elon Musk’s life is far from boring. He’s active in several businesses that are all at the forefront of their technological fields. He’s bold and brash with a cavalier attitude about his public image. Although born into wealth and high society, Elon’s early life was marred by constant bullying. He credits these adversities to making him a strong-willed person later in life. Musk can’t seem to settle down, which isn’t much of a surprise given his high-roller lifestyle. He’s a visionary man with deep flaws. Yet, he manages to reign in those shortcomings to achieve truly groundbreaking accomplishments. He’s out of this world but also very human. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Files **Tags:** cars, Elon Musk, Famous, Tesla --- ### [What's New in the 2018 Toyota Prius?](https://guycounseling.com/toyota-prius-2018-review/) **Published:** October 9, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![toyota 2918 prius](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/toyota-prius-2018.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Toyota Prius Review Toyota has announced a massive recall of 2.4 million [Toyota Prius](https://www.toyota.com/prius/) and Auris models for faulty equipment, but the new Toyota Prius is still the hybrid king. The recall is due to a power system failure in models produced between 2008 and 2014. Is this black mark on the Prius name likely to stall out new sales or will the Toyota Prius continue to be a mainstay for the hybrid vehicle market? ## Introduction to the Hybrid Contender Toyota made headlines the first week of October by recalling millions of its best-selling hybrid – the Prius. It’s out with the old and in with the new though. The recall is for Prius models manufactured between 2008 and 2014. Although very little has changed about the Prius since then, the 2018 model is still a contender for the title of hybrid king. That’s because the 2018 Toyota Prius has stellar fuel economy and safety scores. It’s economically priced with a base model starting at just $23,475.  The Prius does have a polarizing look though. Its exterior is garish and its interior is underwhelming. There’s nothing luxurious or sophisticated about it either. Fuel efficiency is this hybrid’s ace in the hole. The current recall casts a wide net because sales of the Prius family hit a peak back in 2012. Toyota moved over 236,000 units across the Prius line. The regular Prius hit a slump recently though. Only 65,630 Prius were sold in America in 2017, the lowest sales figures since 2004. **Related:** [5 muscle cars worth seeing!](https://guycounseling.com/2018-muscle-cars-825/) Toyota automakers are waiting for a major refresh in a couple of years, so sales will most likely remain stagnant until then. That’s good news for the savvy car buyer because chances are high that you can get a great deal on a brand-new Prius today. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BouZExYAftc/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Trim Levels There are quite a few model trims in the Prius lineup. This review is for the Prius liftback, not the smaller compact version – the Prius c. The 2018 Toyota Prius base model is called the Prius One. It has 15-inch wheels, push button start and LED lights. Then there’s the Prius Two and Prius Two Eco. The Prius Two has slight upgrades to the seating and a rear windshield wiper, but for the price increase it hardly seems worthy. The Eco model drops some of the vehicle’s weight to give it a small boost in fuel economy. The next level up is the Prius Three and Prius Four. These are top tier, but don’t expect to find leather and woodgrain. What you get is better headlights, wipers, wireless charging, and top-tier safety features. There is also a Touring model for both the Prius Three and Prius Four. The Prius Four Touring tops out the cost at $30,565 but there are just a few cosmetic upgrades that make the Touring models superior to the regular Prius Three and Four. You can upgrade all the models except the base model with a number of optional packages, as well. Since the style of the Prius is its weakest link, you might want to take a closer look at the Appearance Package. It comes with 17-inch wheels, custom side skirts, and custom bumpers for the front and rear of the vehicle. ## Style The Prius is due for a model refresh in 2020 and auto critics are almost unanimous in the belief that the design of the Prius should be first to hit the cutting room floor. The 2018 Toyota Prius is certainly a recognizable vehicle. You can easily spot them on the road, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s plagued with garish lines and folds all along the frame. The rear end sits too high and the overall dimensions of the Prius are rather egg-shaped. The Prius Three and Four Touring models upgrade the exterior style of the vehicle with 17-inch alloy wheels, fog lights, and special bumpers and side skirts. The interior gets softex-trimmed seats with contrast stitching, detailed paneling and softex-trimmed steering wheel. Yet, the overall impression of the 2018 Toyota Prius is just way too busy. There are too many surfaces along the exterior to catch the eye and the interior screams “economy” at any trim level. ## Fuel Efficient Performance The 2018 Toyota Prius isn’t a looker. It’s a fuel-sipper. That’s why you buy one. The base model Prius One gets a combined score of 52 miles per gallon. The stripped-down Prius Two Eco gets 56 combined MPG and the plug-in hybrid Prius Prime gets 54 combined MPG. So you see, the Prius’ crown is forged at the fuel pump. **Related:** [Driving dreams explained](https://guycounseling.com/driving-car-dream-meaning/) The 2018 Toyota Prius is powered by a pokey 1.8 Liter four-cylinder engine and a 53 kilowatt electric motor. With a combined horsepower of 121, the Prius isn’t especially zippy or fun to drive. It’s managed by a CVT automatic transmission that powers the front wheels. The steering wheel feels light and gentle when it comes to responsiveness. Suspension and braking are saving graces for the Prius, both of which feel rigid and capable in most driving conditions. ## Safety The 2018 Toyota Prius is a safe vehicle (even beneath the dark cloud of recent recalls on previous models). The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) gave the 2018 Toyota Prius a “Top Safety Pick” rating. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) echo the praise of the IIHS and give the 2018 Prius a five-star rating for safety. When it comes to standard safety equipment, the 2018 Prius is fully stocked. Each Prius comes with a rearview camera and the Toyota Safety Sense package. You get enhanced cruise control, lane departure alerts, pedestrian alerts and automatic high beams in one safety bundle. Higher model trims and optional packaging will include blind spot detection, rear cross traffic alert, and parking assist. ## Infotainment The media stack for the 2018 Prius is dominated by a wealth of cheap plastic. It’s everywhere you look. The gearshift knob sticks out from the center console at a high angle and it takes some getting used to. Otherwise, the button configuration is rather straight-forward and convenient. Base models get a 6.1-inch touchscreen display, but top tier models get an impressive Entune premium suite that’s managed through a 11.6-inch touchscreen. It has split-screen, navigation, premium audio, a USB port and even one of those tricky Apple ports. There’s also an available color HUD display that projects your speed and fuel levels onto the windshield. This is especially helpful on long highway journeys. ## The Takeaway The current recall for the Toyota Prius won’t do much to tarnish sales of the hybrid vehicle. That’s because sales were already down. There’s just too much competition now. The hybrid market isn’t as fresh as it was back in 2012. Yet, the 2018 Prius is a quality vehicle that has top safety scores, top fuel economy and a price tag that’s hard to argue against. There will most likely be a model refresh coming before 2020 and you know what they say –“A Prius in the hand is worth two in the bush.” **Do you own a Prius? How do you like the car?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** Car, cars, Prius, Toyota --- ### [This Push-Up Guide Is Sure to Get Your Chest On!](https://guycounseling.com/push-up-guide/) **Published:** October 8, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ## ![body building pushups](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pushup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Push-Up Guide for Blowing Up Your Chest It’s time to push your fitness routine to the limit. Welcome to the [push-up](https://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/abstract/1991/08000/relationship_of_push_ups_and_absolute_muscular.3.aspx) massacre. Do you think that you can’t see gains from bodyweight exercises? You’re wrong. Adding variation to the traditional push-up can target minor muscle groups and make you universally stronger. Sometimes, I fall short of my fitness goals and the dreary tasks of daily life keep me from training consistently. When that happens, I like to do something out-of-the-box, something downright crazy to reinvigorate myself. I call them massacres. They’re a great way to break out of your fitness rut, break through a workout plateau, or get you back in the spirit of a consistent workout routine. This is the push-up massacre. It’s a no-holds barred bodyweight exercise drill that will have you begging for leg day. The push-up massacre isn’t for the faint of heart. So, fire up your favorite fitness playlist and prepare for some punishment. ![push ups - ultimate guide](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/muscular-strength.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Get your push-ups on ## Why push-ups? I have a few different massacre style workouts, but the push-up massacre is by far my favorite. Push-ups are one of the most basic strength building exercises, but it’s also one of the most effective. At the most basic level, you don’t need any equipment or memberships to reap the benefits. Your own bodyweight provides the resistance. **Related:** [10 mental hacks to get to the gym!](https://guycounseling.com/10-gym-motivation-tips/) If you’re just starting out with strength training, then push-ups are one of the best ways to gauge your fitness level with low impact. If you are more advanced, then push-ups can help supplement your ongoing fitness routine. With just a few subtle tweaks to your form, you can target different muscle groups and scale the intensity of the exercise to your personal fitness goals. You can’t beat that. **Note:** As with any form of intense exercise, be sure to consult with your healthcare professional before you begin any new exercise regimen. You might not be able to perform the full amount of repetitions for each exercise but try to do at least 10 to 12 reps and at least 2 sets. Otherwise, this will just be a regular upper body, bodyweight workout. Also, be sure to drink water throughout the course of the workout and take at least a 90-second break between exercises. ## The Warm-up The push-up massacre is going to heavily tax your muscles and your stamina. So, you’d better not skip the [warm-up](https://guycounseling.com/warm-ups-10-reasons-they-should-be-part-of-your-workout/). Trust me, you’ll regret it later. Start with some dynamic arm rotations. This will bring more flexibility and range of motion to your arms and shoulders. It loosens up your rotator cuff, promotes blood flow and helps to prevent injury. Swing your arms forward and backwards in broad, circular motions. Keep the motion smooth and swing your arms for about 30 seconds in each direction. Move on to some torso twists. Don’t just place your hands on your hips. Extend your arms out to your sides and when you twist your torso to the right, swing your left arm over the front of your body and your left arm behind your body. And vice versa. This is a dynamic motion that pushes the range of your torso twist just a bit further. Now, it’s time to get your heart rate up. I prefer to jump rope because it’s a compound movement. It takes some coordination and works multiple parts of the body. Your wrists are rotating and you’re bouncing on the balls of your feet. ## The Massacre – 6 Push-up Variations in 2 Sets ### Traditional Push-up This is a compound exercise that works the Pectoralis Major (center of chest) but to stabilize the body you will also feel your triceps, abs, and biceps being engaged. Start by lying prone on the floor with your palms slightly wider than shoulder width apart. Extend your arms and push your body up. Just before your elbows lock out, lower your body back down to the floor. Remember to keep your body rigid and straight throughout the full range of motion. Perform 20 to 25 repetitions. ### Diamond Hand Push-up This is sometimes called a close-grip push-up. This compound exercise directly targets the triceps. Your deltoids (neck) and pectoralis muscles will work in synergy with your triceps, but you will feel your biceps, abs, and obliques firing off to stabilize the body through the range of motion. Start in the up position with your palms forming a diamond shape beneath the center of your chest. Slowly lower your upper body to the floor and just before your chest touches the back of your hands, push your body up again. Perform 20 to 25 repetitions. ### Declined Push-up This push-up variation starts to manipulate the amount of resistance you can create with just your bodyweight. The higher the elevation – the more difficult the exercise. 45 degrees should be enough. At this range, you will target the pectoralis major, specifically the clavicular band. You will also be targeting the anterior deltoids when you lower your body. Start by kneeling on the floor with a bench or raised platform directly behind you. Be sure that it is stable and can support your weight. Position your hands on the floor like a traditional push-up, roughly a bit wider than shoulder width. Put your toes on the bench behind you and place your body in a plank position. Now, arch your neck slightly backwards and bend your arms at the elbow. Push your body up by flexing the arms. Perform 20 to 25 repetitions. ### Inclined Push-up Now, turn around and face the bench or inclined platform that you used for the declined push-up. Place your hands on the edge of the bench and extend your legs until you are about at a 45-degree angle to the floor. This exercise reduces the amount of resistance on the muscles. It targets the sternal band of the pectoralis major and the anterior deltoid. Because you just completed the decline push-up, your deltoids will be screaming even with the reduced resistance. Lower your body by bending at the elbow, then extend your body until just before your elbow locks out. Perform 20 to 25 repetitions. ### Clapping Push-up This is an advanced, plyometric push-up variation. This exercise targets your shoulder muscles specifically, but you will feel all the muscle groups in your upper body working toward stability. Start by lying on the floor with your hands wider than shoulder width apart. Move to the plank position by extending your arms. Now, lower your body toward the floor and then swiftly push your body up until your hands actually leave the floor. In mid-air, clap your hands beneath your chest and quickly place them back in the original position, lowering your body back to the floor. Even people who perform push-ups regularly might have trouble here. Just try to do at least 10 to 12 repetitions, but if you can push yourself to 20 to 25 repetitions that would be a massacre. ### Handstand push-up This is the most difficult push-up variation in the rotation because it maximizes the amount of resistance you can achieve through bodyweight alone. It’s sometimes called an inverted push-up or handstand shoulder press. The target muscles are the deltoids, pectoralis muscles, triceps and abs. The most straightforward way to do this exercise is to stand facing a wall. Place your hands on the floor and kick your legs up until your heels touch the wall. If you’re more advanced, then try inverting your body between two stationary benches. Lower your head toward the floor by bending at the elbow. The more you bend the elbow – the more difficult the exercise. Just don’t let your head touch the floor. If you feel a strain or feel like you can’t complete the exercise simply push off the wall and put your feet back on the floor. At this point in the routine, the goal is only to achieve 10 to 12 repetitions. **Congratulations! You survived the massacre!** **Categories:** Health & Fitness, Mind **Tags:** bodybuilding, muscular strength, Push Ups --- ### [Venom Starring Tom Hardy - Worth The Money for Tickets?](https://guycounseling.com/venom-movie-review/) **Published:** October 8, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![venom](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/venom.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Review of Venom starring Tom Hardy** Sony seems to lose focus with their foray into the Marvel Universe with [*Venom*](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1270797/). A stellar cast (Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams) are mismanaged by director Ruben Fleischer and this franchise of unlimited potential opens with less than marvelous returns. ## The Backstory Venom is a hulking, horrifying alien that forms a symbiotic relationship with the downtrodden reporter Eddie Brock in the Spiderman comic books. Eddie Brock hated Spiderman and his hatred fueled him to get in peak physical condition. The Venom goo came from outer space and originally formed a bond with Spider-man, but that relationship was short-lived. That’s when Eddie Brock’s adrenaline-pumped body found a new friend in the Venom symbiote. Venom became obsessed with Spiderman and Peter Parker, popping up all over the Spiderman stories to wreak havoc on his life. That’s the original backstory, but for some reason that storylilne was abandoned for the 2018 *Venom* movie. It baffles me why Sony would ignore such a hardline connection with a blockbuster icon like Spiderman to make a stand-alone *Venom* movie. Changing the origin story and not inviting Spiderman to the party makes the road to glory all that more difficult to obtain. ## Synopsis of the Movie In the *Venom* movie, Tom Hardy plays Eddie Brock (who is thankfully still a reporter). He’s on an investigative witch hunt after Carlton Drake, played by Riz Ahmed. Ahmed channels his best Elon Musk impression as he plays the nerd billionaire turned evil scientific genius. Eddie Brock discovers that Drake has been testing an alien symbiotic lifeform on human beings with frightening results. Nobody can survive the bonding process. Eddie Brock breaks into the laboratory and takes his turn with the black goo, but this time the bonding process sticks. Venom is born, but Carlton Drake wants his science project back. This leads to all the fighting and chasing that you would come to expect from any superhero action flick. ## Where’s Spiderman? Now, it’s time to address the elephant in the room (or not in the room in this case). There’s no Spiderman. Venom becomes an anti-hero in this Sony creation. Tom Hardy and the alien symbiote develop a relationship through the intense bonding experience that dominates the dialog and narrative arc of the story. In an interview with [ComicsExplained](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGMRZMFXV_k), Tom Hardy lamented that his favorite parts of the movie were 40 minutes of footage that wound up on the cutting room floor. Those scenes were filled with character improvisations that Tom Hardy apparently really liked. Afterall, the role of Venom is a tricky one because there are two personalities at play – Eddie Brock and the Joker-esque alien symbiote. Those 40 minutes of character nuance and at least one Spiderman cameo could have worked wonders for this film’s reception among diehard comicbook fans. Tom Hardy is no stranger to comicbook movies. He totally rocked as Bane in the *Dark Knight Rises*. Check out more about his [groundbreaking film roles](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-facts/). > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BoowrHKHvxE/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Talent Mis-management Then, there’s Michelle William’s character, Anne Weying. Anne Weying starts the film as Brock’s fiancé and works as a lawyer. She is the one who gives Eddie Brock his first credible tip about Drake’s shady scientific experiments. There are some palatable moments between Hardy and Williams, but their relationship seems to breakdown just as the second act of the movie is getting started. After that, Williams’ talent is suppressed under the weight of the Venom character. Anne Weying is only used as a scream face and a reaction mirror for the audience, a gross mishandling of an Oscar nominee and Golden Globe winner. ## **Tone of the Film** The tone of the film was largely inconsistent. If you weren’t familiar with the Venom character, you might have expected something reminiscent of the movie Spawn where you have a violent anti-hero and a layer of dark comedy hijinks existing side by side. That would have been a good move for Sony – to include some humor early on to juxtapose the darkness of the film and perhaps that was the footage that Tom Hardy eluded to in his recent interview. Keep in mind – the dark DC films (*Superman Returns, Batman vs. Superman*) were universal flops at the box office. Sony would have been wise to learn from their mistakes and take a page from Disney when it comes to making a light-hearted superhero film that appeals to wide audiences. There’s nothing timid about a fight to save the universe, but the Avengers movies always have a fair number of laughs built into the fabric of the narrative. The dramatic moments in the early portion of the *Venom* film between Hardy and Williams were spot on, but they weren’t sustained throughout the plot. Their relationship wasn’t strong enough to provide a feeling of jeopardy when Williams’ character is threatened later in the movie. Also, the banter between Eddy Brock and the Venom symbiote seemed contrived and hokey. In one instance, the Venom symbiote was giving Eddie Brock dating advice. The symbiote was sarcastic and full of wisecracks, but the balance of tone wasn’t well-played. Despite early rumors of an R rating, *Venom* carried a PG-13 rating when it debuted. Ruben Fleischer excelled at pushing the boundaries of a PG-13 movie to its limit, and that was a saving grace at the box office, as well. It’s made $32 million dollars domestically since it’s release on October 5th. The CGI scenes were fantastic, and the fight choreography gave Tom Hardy a chance to showcase his trademark physicality. If you want to learn more about the workout routine that got him ready for this role, then check out this [Venom-inspired Tom Hardy workout](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-venom-workout-routine/). > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BoP88e2H_r9/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Final Verdict *Venom* isn’t going anywhere. Even with a less-than remarkable debut to the franchise, the film leaves the door wide open for sequels and spin-offs for Sony. This was a safe bet for them and there wasn’t much of an attempt to push the envelope of the genre. Tom Hardy and Michelle Williams weren’t seen in their best light, but they provided some of this film’s few remarkable moments. With an R rating, this film would have done slightly worse at the box office but would have certainly had a more favorable outing with the fans, who were used to seeing Venom as a villain in the Spiderman stories. A cameo from the web-slinger himself also wouldn’t have hurt the character development of Venom in the slightest bit. Making him a PG-13 anti-hero without Spiderman just didn’t feel right in the end. **Did you see Venom starring Tom Hardy? If so, what were your impressions?** **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Superheros, Tom Hardy, Venom, workout --- ### [Chris Evans Fans Speculate on His Future with Avengers 4 Wrap Up](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-fans-captain-america/) **Published:** October 5, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![chris evans](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/chris-e.jpg?resize=733%2C487&ssl=1) ## Chris Evans and the future Chris Evans is an actor we’ve tried to follow on this blog because of his massive popularity. Yesterday, the mega-watt celebrity wrapped up filming on Avengers 4. Now that this has happened, some are left wondering if this will be his last time playing Captain America. Below is a Tweet he shared with followers. Is he tipping his hand for the future? https://twitter.com/ChrisEvans/status/1047896966410190849 While he didn’t come right out and say so, it doesn’t take much to see arrive at the conclusion he’ll be hanging up the superhero uniform as Steve Rogers. **Related:** [Style like Chris Evans](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-style-guide/) If it is the end, we can’t help but wonder how they will end things? Will he disappear as part of some adventure? Might he be killed off? Is he going to have a son that will carry on the Captain America legacy? ![chris evans workout captain america](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chris-evans-captain-america.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1) Fans of Evans have taken to [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/marvelstudios/comments/9lduli/chris_evans_officially_wrapped_on_avengers_4_it/) to speculate about what the future may hold. Here is what one poster offered to members of the discussion thread. “He seems to flip flop every other week. His contract ended with Iron Man 3 though and he’s been pretty much signing on a movie to movie basis. I feel like he loves making the movies at the start (and the money) and might get burned out towards the end of shooting then has some time not doing it and wants to come back. They gave the character an exit in Iron Man 3 with him destroying the suits, then they gave him another exit in Age of Ultron saying he’s going to make Pepper a farm, but since then he’s been in three more of these movies. I’m on the fence of him dying, on one hand it seems likely, but they’ve been talking about killing Stark since Age of Ultron (and it works, you genuinely fear for his life in AoU, Civil War and Infinity War not knowing if RDJ called it quits) but he keeps coming back.” All we can do is keep our eye on this [mindful actor’s](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/) tweets and public comments to see what the future holds. What do you think? Is this the end for Chris Evans as Captain America? **Categories:** Entertainment, News **Tags:** Chris Evans, Superhero --- ### [Mirror, Mirror – Body Image and Men](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-image-104/) **Published:** October 4, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![male body image](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/man-mirror.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Body Image Issues and Men Are you one of those guys that constantly looks in the mirror and obsesses over the ideal physical look of your body? Well, you’re not alone. A [recent study](https://www.health.com/mind-body/many-men-have-body-image-issues-too) conducted by professors at the University of Hawaii found that 20 to 40 percent of men are dissatisfied with some aspect of their physical appearance. They concluded that there are several reasons that contribute to an obsession with our physical appearance, but mostly it has to do with two factors: self-esteem and the prevalence of so-called “perfect” body images in the media. They work hand-in-hand to shape our concept of the ideal body size. Over time, the ideal male body image has gotten larger, leaner and harder to obtain. A [comprehensive study](https://digitalcommons.morris.umn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1005&context=horizons) of male body dissatisfaction found that the overall value of the male image has increased exponentially in the last couple of decades. Advertisers are using the image of undressed males to sell more goods and services than ever before. This trend is leading to a growing number of men with body and muscle dysmorphia. That means when you look in the mirror, you’re dissatisfied with what you see. You might think you’re too fat, too skinny or don’t have enough muscle. The perfect body size changes over time, but there are some timeless indicators that you can rely on to qualify your physical self-image. There’s body mass index (BMI), the amount of body fat you have, and the overall proportions of your body. Taken together, these three qualifiers can help you obtain your own personal ideal body size and shape without the self-shaming sessions in front of the mirror. ## Body Mass Index (BMI) You might be familiar with BMI if you’ve gone to the doctor for a general check-up. After measuring your height and weight, your doctor has probably referred you to the Body Mass Index chart. That chart was invented back in the 1830s and some critics are devaluing its importance in our ever-changing world. However, it is a good indicator of overall health when used in concert with other health qualifiers. **Related:** [What are somatotypes? ](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) Here’s how BMI works? Your height is found on the left side of the chart and your weight spans across the top. The blue field is for underweight entries. Green is for healthy. Yellow is for overweight and orange is for obese. Red is for extremely-obese. For example, if you are 5 foot 11 inches tall and weigh 145 lbs. then your Body Mass Index is 20. That’s within the green field. You have a normal BMI. The problem is that BMI doesn’t account for how much muscle you have on your body compared to the amount of fat. If you are a body-builder, then your BMI number might indicate that you’re overweight. Muscle weighs more than fat. That’s why you need to also measure your body fat percentage. ## Body Fat Percentage Okay, you’re back at the gym now and your personal trainer has just pinched your abdomen with that skinfold caliper. She just checked your percentage of body fat. “One percent body fat” is a term that gets tossed around the gym sometimes, but you shouldn’t even be attempting to reach that ideal. In fact, according to the [American Council on Exercise](https://www.acefitness.org/education-and-resources/lifestyle/tools-calculators/percent-body-fat-calculator), a healthy percentage of body fat is around 18 to 24 percent. The normal range for male athletes is 6 to 13 percent. So that “one percent body fat” myth is way off the chart. Body fat is normal and necessary for your health. It’s like a reservoir of stored-up energy that can help your body push through demanding physical stresses. Another form of body fat is called essential fat and it protects your internal organs and helps fight off infectious diseases. The only type of body fat that you want to avoid is excess body fat that can increase your risks for heart problems, stroke and diabetes. ## Overall Proportion Proportion is the easy indicator of an ideal body image for both men and women. Just look at *The Vitruvian Man* by Leonardo da Vinci. This classic sketch uses the golden ratio and illustrates the mathematical proportions of a male body in such a beautiful way. Some fitness enthusiasts, trainers and body builders rely on overall proportion, not body weight, to determine the ideal male image. Traditionally, this image has been the V-shape. Simply explained, the V-shape is having broad shoulders and chest with a slim, tapered waist. Now, you need to determine what type of body you’re looking to achieve. Do you want to look like a body builder, a martial artist, or just a well-proportioned fit man? The key is symmetry. No single muscle group should dominate the others. An expert of the proportion symmetry method was Steve Reeves. He was a world-renowned bodybuilder who wrote extensively on the subject. His body proportion measurements are the gospel. His waist measured 30 inches and was 86 percent of his pelvic size. His arms, neck and calves had identical measurements of 18.5 inches. His ideal chest measurement was 54 inches across. Yet, even Steve Reeves took these proportions with a grain of salt, citing that your body changes naturally over time. ## The Takeaway It’s normal to care about your body image. You should always strive to be healthy, but that doesn’t mean you need to go to extreme lengths to meet unrealistic ideals. It’s important to note that body dysmorphia isn’t just for females. Men obsess about their physical image, too. **Related:** [5 signs you have severe body image issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/) We’re just as susceptible to all those ads of men with 8-pack abs as women are to the stick-thin models who try to sell them perfume and lingerie. The key takeaway is to rely on concrete qualifiers to determine if you have an ideal body shape and size. Check your body mass index, your percentage of body fat and your physical proportions, not your social media feed. What’s perfect today might not hold up to the test of time. So, you need to love your body and pay less at **Categories:** Mind --- ### [Is Cigar Smoking Bad for My Health?](https://guycounseling.com/cigar-smoking-facts/) **Published:** October 4, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cigar smoking health risks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/attractive-man-cigar.jpg?resize=790%2C527&ssl=1) ## **What are the harmful effects of cigar smoking?** Not long ago, a friend of mine (let’s call him Nick) decided to light up a cigar on a camping trip. It didn’t bother me. Truth be told, I have lots of buds who reach for a stogie from time to time. And to keep it real, it’s not like I’ve *never* smoked one. The reality is I have. At any rate, as Nick got to talking over a campfire, the focus of his conversation became cigars. While I always knew he liked them, I was unaware of his vast knowledge on the subject. For the better part of an hour, he regaled me and several others in our party on the diverse types of stogies, including their different names and characteristics. Do you know the difference between a pyramid and a perfecto? I certainly didn’t. It turns out there are more types of cigars than you can shake a stick at. All I can say is that I was impressed with his knowledge. But that really isn’t the point of this post. Nope. Instead, the focus is on the health hazards associated with cigar smoking. You see, after that trip to the woods was over with Nick, I decided to do some research. How could I not? As a [former cigarette smoker](https://guycounseling.com/quit-tea-help-stop-smoking-rip-off/), my curiosity was naturally piqued. Plus, I also happen to be a certified drug and alcohol counselor. Things like nicotine and addiction just have a way of grabbing my attention. So, you may be wondering what I found out? I’m about to give you those answers and preface everything by saying that I’m not here to judge. It’s just not my style. That said, the information appearing below may be helpful to men who want to know more about potential health hazards. Are you ready? Check it out. ## 1. Higher rates of cancer and heart disease Probably not the news you want to hear but according to most [research studies](https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/nejm199906103402301), men who smoke stogies put themselves at higher risk of cancer than non-smokers. The same lines of research suggest cigar smokers also are at increased risk for the development of coronary heart disease. Other nasty health conditions include being at greater risk for COPD, and cancers of the upper aerodigestive tract and lung. ## 2. One cigar can equal as much tobacco as a pack of cigs While this one may be hard to believe, it’s completely true. One cigarette typically contains less than a gram of tobacco. But a single cigar may hold as much as 5 to 17 grams of tobacco. Tobacco, when mixed with nicotine (see next point) is known to cause a variety of serious medical problems. This includes [muscle loss](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/), heart problems, breathing issues, cancers, and ultimately, death. ## 3. Cigars have more nicotine than cigarettes Most people think cigs are terrible because they contain nicotine; a highly addictive substance that has a calming effect on the central nervous system. You may think smoking cigars is better for you because they don’t have much nicotine in them. If this describes you, listen up. The research suggests that a traditional cigarette holds one to two milligrams of nicotine. A cigar, on the other hand, has 100 to 200 milligrams of this substance. Depending on the brand, there are some stogies that contain as much as 400 milligrams of nicotine. That’s a lot, don’t you think? ## 4. Cigar smoke is more concentrated Ever notice how you can easily pick up on someone smoking a stogie? There is a reason for this and it’s not just because of the scent. Instead, it’s about cigar smoke concentration levels. Vapors from cigars are more powerful – and toxic -than their cigarette counterparts. Much of this has to do with packaging and storage. But the bottom line is cigars don’t burn as quickly as cigarettes. As a result, the vapors they emit tends to be more concentrated and [deadly](https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/tobacco/cigars-fact-sheet). ## 5. Your teeth can rot out Like cigarette smokers, guys who toke on cigars place themselves at greater risk for early tooth loss. The research also suggests that men who smoke also are at greater risk for certain dental diseases, including the dreaded periodontitis. ## 6. Inhaling or not, it is still bad for you A lot of guys who light up a stogie will tell you that they “don’t inhale” and therefore, aren’t at risk for developing health problems. But is that really true? According to Biomed Central, the answer to that question is a resounding **no**. Going by what they have uncovered, men who don’t inhale are “Three to ten times more likely to die from oral, laryngeal, or esophageal cancer than someone who never used tobacco.” See the [published material](https://blogs.biomedcentral.com/bmcseriesblog/2015/05/29/mortality-cigar-smoking/) here. ## 7. Screws up your workouts Are you a man who likes to work out? Hoping to pack on muscle? If so, you might want to stay away from those cigars. According to what is published on the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services website, smoking can seriously screw up your workouts. Reasons include a slower heart rate, which makes it harder for your blood to carry oxygen and important nutrients to muscles. In fact, going by [their words](https://smokefree.gov/quit-smoking/why-you-should-quit/how-smoking-affects-your-workout), “Smoking may make your blood “sticky” and your arteries may become narrow. Narrow arteries reduce the flow of blood to your heart, muscles, and other body organs, making exercise harder.” ## Wrap Up I started off this post by sharing a recent camping experience with my friend Nick. You may be wondering if I ever went back to him and revealed what I’ve posted here? The short answer is no – let me explain why. Nick pretty much knows all of this. Given his keen insight into all things cigars, he kind of said as much over the campfire. Will that stop him from reaching for a stogie in the future? I have no earthly idea. But I do know this. Cigar smoking is addictive. One of the byproducts of addiction is the psychological defense mechanism called denial. Maybe that is going on with Nick – who knows? I’m still his bud and if he ever does want to quit, I’m going to be there for him. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Addiction, Cigar, Nicotine, Smoking --- ### [5 Signs You Have a Serious Money Addiction](https://guycounseling.com/money-addiction-signs/) **Published:** October 4, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![money addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/save-money-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Yes, it’s possible to be addicted to money** Money – we all need it in order to sustain life. Conventional wisdom holds that the more money we have, the better. After all, you may need that extra cash for a rainy day. But is it possible for a person to develop an unhealthy attachment to money? Can money become addictive? In my experience as a counselor, I’m going to answer that question with a resounding **yes**. Over the years, I’ve worked with more people than I can shake a stick at who are addicted to money. As a reader, you are probably thinking, “What’s wrong with that? Aren’t there worse things to become addicted to?” Here’s what I can tell you. Almost anything can become addictive. And while it is true a money addiction isn’t the same as substance dependence (alcohol for example), the consequences are none the less devastating. At its core, what we are talking about is a [process addiction](https://americanaddictioncenters.org/behavioral-addictions/). That’s a $10.00 term used to describe the dynamic where a person engages in compulsive behaviors, despite negative consequences. So, what exactly is a money addiction? Here is my simple definition: ***A person is addicted to money when they prioritize the hoarding of cash over important life activities, including personal health and relationships*.** How do you know if you are addicted to cash? What follows are five signs to consider. Bear in mind that being addicted to money and being addicted to spending are two different things. The main difference is when a person is addicted to spending, they have [little impulse control](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-reflection-impulse-buying/) over purchasing behaviors. Money addicts, on the other hand, purposely hoard cash because they fear they’ll never have enough. When you read these symptoms, it’s important to not focus on just one behavior but instead, examine all five in their totality. This will help you to put things into context. ![five dollar bill ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/lincoln-five-dollar-bill.jpg?resize=640%2C269&ssl=1)Five signs you are addicted to money ## 1. Your thoughts are consumed with obtaining money People addicted to money find that most of their time is spent thinking about cash. As a result, behaviors often revolve around somehow receiving money. In some cases, thoughts can be intrusive with people experiencing [money-themed dreams](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-money-decoded/). ## 2. Risky behaviors While not true of all, many who struggle with a money addiction engage in risky behaviors. In the general sense, these individuals may spend an unhealthy amount of time gambling, playing the stock market or buying commodities with the hope of a massive financial return. These activities happen even though the person may not be able to afford potential losses. ## 3. Self-worth tied to cash Many who struggle with a money addiction have shared that their self-worth is tied to how much money they have in the bank. To keep hoarding, they decline social events and isolate themselves from the world. In many ways, their behaviors mimic ritualistic traits seen in [obsessive-compulsive disorder](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-ocd-every-day/). ## 4. Won’t spend on themselves In extreme cases, people addicted to money will forgo buying things for themselves, even though they can **easily afford**. This behavior goes beyond “being cheap” and instead is all about fears of not having enough cash. When given the choice between buying a life-sustaining medication verses socking dollars away, the addict will struggle with the decision. As a result, the individual’s personal health may suffer. ## 5. Isolates and obsesses A strong sign that a person has a money addiction is isolation and depression. Because spending time with friends and family can involve spending cash, the addict will often isolate. Alone with their thoughts, they may obsess over the obtainment of money and worry about financial resources. Over the course of time, this reclusive lifestyle can cause a deep and serious depression. Almost always, the person’s social life is anemic. In extreme cases, some people even sleep with cash as a way of boosting their spirits. *That’s how attached they are to being around cash*. ## Getting Help Getting help with a money addiction is possible. One of the first questions you want to ask yourself is: *What does money mean to me?* This can serve as the basis for creating a healthier relationship with financial capital. A terrific book to consider is *The Addiction Recovery Skills Workbook* ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2yfJ53B)). Consider it a starting point on your pathway to recovery. Obviously, working with a therapist trained in processed addictions is a smart choice, When you look for a counselor, try to find one that has training around behavioral issues. Money dependency, per se, isn’t listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM) however, some [behavioral addictions](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3858502/) are. As mentioned at the start of this article, nearly anything can become addictive. This includes cash. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Addiction, Money, Saving, Spending --- ### [Study Suggests Even Light Drinking May Shorten Your Lifespan](https://guycounseling.com/light-drinking-death-103/) **Published:** October 3, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![alcohol wine](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/wine.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: You may have to rethink that daily glass of wine for health reasons.** ## SHORT STORY A new study reveals even light drinking is bad for your health. ## LONG STORY Do you drink a glass of wine each night for health reasons? Have you heard that light alcohol use may hold certain cardiovascular benefits? Hoping to make smarter health choices? If the answer is yes, you may find the results of a recently published study in [Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/acer.13886) to be of interest. Investigators with Washington University School of Medicine (WUSM) in St. Louis reviewed data from more than 400,000 people ages 18 to 85. The research team discovered that drinking one to two drinks four or more times per week **increased the risk of premature death by 20%**, compared with drinking three times a week or less. Additionally, investigators noticed the increased risk of death was consistent among all age groups. ![alcohol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/whiskey.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Curious to know more about this research, Guy Counseling spoke to lead investigator, Sarah Hartz, MD, Ph.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at WUSM. “This study is the first to show that daily drinking is dangerous. Specifically, drinking four or more times weekly, even if it’s only 1-2 drinks at a time, increases risk of mortality. This is in line with recent studies published in the Lancet, but we were able to break down their lowest drinking categories (up to 12.5 drinks weekly in one and up to 5.6 drinks weekly in the other) and found that the frequency is important, not just the average number of drinks per week. It looks like the increased mortality is predominantly due to cancer-related deaths,” said Hartz. **Related:** [How booze makes depression worse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) We wanted to know if the study examined different types of alcoholic drinks, such as whiskey versus beer. Hartz shared with us the study didn’t differentiate. What’s interesting about this line of research is how it seems to conflict with other studies that suggest small amounts of alcohol – [such as red wine](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-red-wine-good-actually-for-your-heart-2018021913285) – may not be such a bad thing. “It used to seem like having one or two drinks per day was no big deal, and there even have been some studies suggesting it can improve health. But now we know that even the lightest daily drinkers have an increased mortality risk,” said Hartz in a press release about the findings. Well, there you have it, folks. You may want to rethink that nightly glass of wine you use to chillax. Apparently, even light drinking may send you to an early grave. **Do you have one or two drinks each day? Do you have a nightly glass of wine for health reasons?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Alcohol, health, Wine --- ### [5 Martial Arts Fitness Styles That Will Rock Your World!](https://guycounseling.com/5-martial-arts-fitness/) **Published:** October 2, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ## ![male sexual assault](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/boxer.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do you know these five martial arts styles? Martial arts are a great way to learn self-defense and discipline, but also provide an unparalleled health benefit. Some [martial arts](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.2044-8341.1988.tb02794.x) are solely for combat, but most take a holistic approach to achieving self-mastery. It’s not all about punches and kicks. Marital arts demand practice and you can use them to get in the best shape of your life. ## Introduction to Fighter Fitness Training in martial arts can take you further than a regular gym workout. The movements that you learn in martial arts provide fitness benefits that lifting weights or running on a treadmill simply can’t match. You can improve your flexibility, strength, dexterity, and endurance all within the same training discipline. There are lots of different martial art styles to choose from, but these 5 styles are the most popular and provide some of the best overall fitness benefits. If you’re interested in training in martial arts, be sure to use protective gear and only work under the tutelage of trained professionals. The Top 5 Martial Arts for Physical Fitness ## ![number five film](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=554%2C351&ssl=1)1. Capoeira *How it Began* Is it a dance? Is it a game? Or is it a deadly form of fighting? That’s one of the things that makes Capoeira so intriguing. Capoeira is a Brazilian martial art form that began in the 1500s. It was originated by African slaves who were brought to Brazil by the Portuguese. Although this is the recognized origin of Capoeira, many scholars point to similarities with much older fighting styles from Angola and the Congo. The *roda,* or wheel, is the circular assembly where Capoeira is practiced in a group setting. The singing, dancing and ritual practices of Capoeira were used to disguise the deadly fighting techniques that were being put on display and passed down to future generations. Until 1920, Capoeira was outlawed in Brazil. In 1937, Capoeira schools began opening all over Brazil and it soon became a national treasure. *How it Can Help You* Capoeira is one of the most deceptive martial art forms. The same is true for its many benefits. At times, Capoeira might feel like simply dancing. At other times, it will seem like one of the most physically demanding activities you’ve ever done. It isn’t much of a contact martial art, unless you are competing or participating in a *roda* at the highest levels. So, don’t expect to kick ass with capoeira. That’s not what modern Capoeira is all about. It’s a social, holistic martial art that also has music and dance as integral parts of the discipline. The physical emphasis is on flexibility, versatility of movements and simply having fun. There are hundreds of different techniques with varying degrees of difficulty, so the challenge of capoeira lasts a lifetime. **Related:** [Why you lose muscle gains](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) When done in a group setting, or a *roda*, there’s lots of standing around, singing and clapping. Capoeira can provide a good cardiovascular exercise, but you need to customize your session for continuous movements in order to truly have an aerobic response. Otherwise, you could miss out on the cardiovascular potential of a Capoeira style workout. Capoeira is better suited to give you a full body calisthenic workout when done in small numbers or even in a solo session. This is the type of Capoeira workout that especially works your core – the gluteus, obliques, latissimus dorsi, and abdominal muscles.  It’s a great way to target muscle groups that typical weightlifting and strength training might miss. Capoeira can increase your range of motion, as well. This martial art is particularly useful for men who are rehabbing an injury because you can train at your own pace and focus solely on increasing your flexibility. ## 2. Muy Thai Kickboxing *How it Began* Muy Thai is one of the national treasures of Thailand and it was born on the ancient battlefield. An exact date on its creation is unknown. What’s known is that Thailand fought many wars against Cambodia and Burma before the 14th century and Muy Thai was a fighting system developed during that time. A fighting manual called *Chupasart* detailed the basics of the fighting system. Essentially, the body itself became a weapon of war. For example, the hands were swords and the legs were hardened to become axes that could chop down opponents. The first official Muy Thai camps began cropping up around the turn of the 18th century. There is a popular legend about a Muy Thai kickboxer named Nai Khanom Dtom. In 1774, he defeated 10 of Burma’s best boxers, one after the other, while he was a prisoner of the Burmese military. In the 1930s, Muy Thai was organized into an official sport and after WW2 it gained worldwide popularity. *How it Can Help You* Muy Thai kickboxing is an aggressive martial art that hardens your body and focuses your power. It’s a structured martial art. There are specific offensive and defensive movements in Muy Thai and the methodology is rather rigid. You can workout alone, with partners, or in a group setting. **Related:** [Parkour exercises can help your jump](https://guycounseling.com/military-bootcamp-parkour/) You can progress from shadowboxing to equipment-assisted training (hitting the bag), and from light sparring to full contact matches. However, most people who use Muy Thai kickboxing for fitness purposes rarely advance to the competitive level. Training in Muy Thai has a high cardiovascular benefit that depends on the intensity of your session. A kickboxing class, for example, will have higher aerobic value because it lasts longer and keeps you in constant motion. Muy Thai can also be anaerobic, as well. A full-on sparring session creates a high energy output demand that can drastically build your cardiovascular endurance. You will benefit from stronger core muscles – the obliques, latissimus dorsi, and abdominal muscles. You will also see noticeable improvements in your gluteus, quadriceps, and hamstrings. Your hip flexors and abductors will get stronger and even your shin and femur will get stronger and more durable. Your biceps, triceps and deltoids will all see remarkable improvement through regular Muy Thai exercise. ## ![martial arts fitness self-defense ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/martial-arts.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 3. Traditional Shaolin Kung Fu *How it Began* Traditional Shaolin kung fu has become popularized by cult classic films such as *Return to the 36th Chamber* and *The Iron-fisted Monk*. The real history of this Chinese martial art form dates back centuries. In the year 527 BCE, an Indian Buddhist monk named Bodhidarma visited the Shaolin Temple and taught them martial arts through two sacred fighting manuals. The monks developed the techniques found in those manuals to fight off warlords and aide their political allies. The various Shaolin temples became universities for the martial arts and helped spread their techniques all over the world. Shaolin kung fu experts have been known to exhibit almost super-human physical feats. In one interesting legend, the Abbott of Shaolin was asked to help rescue the son of Emperor T’ai Tsung. The Abbott only needed to send 13 monks to face off with the enemy’s entire army. *How it Can Help You* Traditional Shaolin kung fu is the most comprehensive martial art style on the planet. Its discipline incorporates a holistic training of mind, body and spirit. Traditional Chinese medicine is also an integral part of this martial art practice and can help improve your diet and recovery while optimizing your stamina, endurance, and energy levels. It’s a lifetime martial art that can be done from childhood on into your elderly years. It is a highly structured martial art with a rigorous set of offensive, defensive and meditative moves. So, don’t expect to skip right to drunken master. You start small and work your way up to the higher levels and that could take years. At the initial training stages of Shaolin kung fu, you learn chi kung – a kung fu style that primarily focuses on general fitness and physical ability through the manipulation of your inner energy field. You also learn the Five Animal Styles that are often featured in the movies. Contact is minimal, but you will be training your body to perform certain repetitive movements that you’ll find challenging, such as horse stance and extreme feats of flexibility. Shaolin kung fu works your whole body through repetitive strength training movements and provides a high level of cardiovascular response, both aerobic and anaerobic. Most schools of shaolin kung fu will eventually move you on to what’s called “72 Styles”. This is where you need to make some serious decisions about your fitness and martial arts goals. 72 Styles is the pursuit of invincibility. The training is extreme. At this level, shaolin kung fu is only for people who seek to go beyond physical fitness. ## 4. Jiu-jitsu *How it Began* Jiu-jitsu has one of the most interesting histories of any martial arts style. It was born during Japan’s feudal period when samurais trained with various weapons and learned how to fight effectively even when they were unarmed. After feudalism fell out of favor, the first official Jiu-jitsu school was opened in 1532 by unemployed samurai. At the dawn of the Edo Period, weapons were banned and fighting forms that didn’t require weapons grew in popularity. Three Ronin samurai learned striking techniques from a Chinese priest during this time and incorporated all these techniques into Jiu-jitsu. Another important branch to mention is Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, the style most commonly seen in mixed martial arts fighting (MMA). BJJ was first developed around 1904 as an offshoot of Judo by Mitsuyo Maeda, the original teacher of the infamous Gracie family. What makes BJJ different from the Japanese version is the inclusion of street fighting tactics that have worked their way out of Jiu-jitsu sport fighting. *How it Can Help You* Jiu-jitsu is a combat martial art style that is heavily focused on sparring and grappling. Practitioners wear a *gi* and use a number of different throws, holds, and body locks to immobilize their opponents. Although there are set rules, Jiu-jitsu is less formalized than other martial arts. You can utilize a great deal of strategy and creativity to find unique ways to defeat your opponents. Jiu-jitsu is a physically demanding martial art and you will experience lots of anaerobic style cardiovascular exercise. The movements are explosive and intense. A typical session will include aerobic exercise to warmup, resistance training, and stretching. Then, you will face several practice bouts with other opponents of a similar skillset. To prevent injury, beginners focus primarily on simply falling and landing on the mat. This can be frustrating for new initiates because you’re taking a great deal of physical stress to build your stamina, endurance and toughness. Jiu-jitsu provides a total body workout. You will especially develop stronger core muscles – the latissimus dorsi, obliques, and abdominal muscles. Additionally, you will also strengthen your glutes, your hamstrings, quadriceps, and hips. You’re struggling against the strength and will power of another human being. All that pushing and pulling will affect muscle groups you didn’t even know you had. For that reason, Jiu-jitsu is one of the best martial arts styles for physical fitness. ## **![martial arts Taekwondo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/marital-arts-fighter-styles.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)5. Taekwondo** *How it Began* Taekwondo is a Korean martial art form that means “way of the foot and fist”. There’s a great deal of debate about the difference between Taekwondo the martial art and Taekwondo the sport. The fighting system was first developed over 2,000 years ago. There are paintings found on the ceiling of a royal tomb that date back to the Koguryo dynasty in Korea around the time of 50 BCE. These paintings show fighters using combat techniques that form the basis for Taekwondo. The modern sport of Taekwondo began in 1955. Modern Taekwondo borrows a bit from other martial art forms. There are some movements from the Japanese styles of Karate and Judo. There are also around 50 different hand movements that most likely came from traditional Shaolin kung fu. Today, there are over 60 million practitioners spanning 184 different countries. *How it Can Help You* Taekwondo will put you through your paces with its fast kicks, punches, jumps and spins. It’s a combat-oriented martial art style with set forms for offense and defense. Moving through the forms is called *poomsae* and demonstrating your mastery with the different forms is how you advance ranks. Just performing the *poomsae* forms requires a high level of athleticism. You’re in an almost perpetual state of motion when practicing Taekwondo because you’re bouncing on the balls of your feet the entire time. This gives you lightning fast reaction time to switch stances and launch quick attacks. You can practice Taekwondo by yourself or with other practitioners in a formal class setting. Your progression ranges from shadowboxing and footwork to sparring with a partner and competition matches. There is a huge worldwide sport built around Taekwondo that features an individual’s artistic style as well as tournament level bouts. Taekwondo delivers a huge cardiovascular benefit because it requires both aerobic and anaerobic exercise. Punches in Taekwondo are short and snappy. Most of the strikes are kicks. You develop your flexibility and range of motion as Taekwondo challenges you to perform many difficult high kicks, jumping kicks and spinning kicks. You will gain agility, speed, and endurance. If having a well-defined backside ranks high on your fitness goals, then Taekwondo is certainly the martial art for you. The movements of Taekwondo will heavily tax your hip flexors and abductors, as well as your glutes. ## Wrap Up One of the best things you can do for your body and mind is to become active in martial arts. If you are new to this form of fitness, consider picking up a copy of [*Martial Arts for* Dummies](https://amzn.to/2Qp4U8h). Inside, you’ll find page after page of helpful insight. If you are looking to challenge yourself and pick up some self-defense skills in the process – martial arts is where it’s at. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Kickboxing, Martial Arts, muscle --- ### [Science Says Consensual Adult Sexting Isn't Always Bad](https://guycounseling.com/science-sexting-adults-102/) **Published:** October 2, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/smartphone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Trading adult pictures isn’t always bad Conventional wisdom holds that when people trade sexually explicit images, it can lead to risky sexual behaviors. In the case of teenagers, there is some evidence to suggest this may very well be true ([see link](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3904272/)). But a recent study focusing on older adults who sext appears to reach a different conclusion. Yep, that’s right. Trading adult themed images or messages (consenually) doesn’t lead to something risky. What exactly does “risky” mean? Well, for the purposes of this study, risk can be defined as having anal or vaginal intercourse without the use of a condom. To complete this study, investigators surveyed 377 single adults who were an average age 29.8-year-old. The research team also surveyed 374 adults who identified as being in committed relationships. And the results? According to a statement made to [PsyPost](https://goo.gl/xq7uGg) by Joseph Currin, lead investigator and faculty at Texas Tech University. ![dating apps kiss](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/dating-apps.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) “Condom usage was not associated with sexting, meaning that whether or not someone uses a condom during anal or vaginal sex is not related to whether or not that person sexts. This was true for individuals who identified as single or in relationships.” The study has been published in the *[Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2016.1246390?journalCode=usmt20)*. Bear in mind this investigation took place in a non-college population. Still, the results are interesting because it is one of the first studies to examine potential links between adult sexting and intimate behaviors. Searching for insight, Guy Counseling spoke to licensed psychotherapist Costa Provis in Chicago to get his impressions. “If two consenting adults give one another permission to trade pictures of an adult nature, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. The keyword is consent,” said Provis. Regarding the study, he offered the following thoughts. “In many ways, the results of this investigation make sense because we are talking about people who are adults and presumably OK with sharing. I’d like to see a few more lines of research though – with larger participant pools,” Provis added. In the past, Currin has explored the impact of sexting on adult relationships. A 2016 article published on the [Greater Good](https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_sexting_increase_relationship_satisfaction) website outlines some of his thoughts on the benefits of adult sexting. So, does this mean it’s time to pull out your smart-phone and start sending pictures? Unless you and the person you are communicating with enthusiastically give one another consent, probably not. Moreover, it’s important to remember that once you message something, you can’t unsend it. As we’ve seen in the past, there’s no such thing as [“private”.](https://guycounseling.com/selfies-never-private-1114/) **Categories:** News, Science **Tags:** Dating, Pictures, Privacy, research, Sexting --- ### [Men Wrongly Assume Women Wearing Makeup Want To Hookup](https://guycounseling.com/woman-makeup-hookup-myth/) **Published:** September 30, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![pretty woman makeup](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/pretty-woman.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Makeup isn’t a signal for casual sex** ## SHORT STORY Don’t assume her eyeshadow and lipstick are an invitation for hooking up. ## LONG STORY Are you a man who believes women give off (secret) signals to indicate a desire to hook up? When she wears lipstick, eyeshadow, and foundation, do you assume she’s communicating a sexual vibe? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. A lot of guys buy into the myth that women who use cosmetics are in some way signaling a desire to get it on. Why this myth exists is beyond me but it’s likely due to toxic gender stereotypes, coupled with urban legend. At any rate, thanks to a new study published in *[Personality and Individual Differences](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886917306293?via%3Dihub)*, we finally have research that puts this ridiculous myth to rest. Investigators set out to explore the relationship between women’s makeup use and socio-sexuality. In case you are wondering, the term socio-sexuality is a fancy way of saying someone is willing to hook up, outside of a committed relationship. People with unrestricted sociosexual orientation are more open to casual hookups with different partners. Conversely, folks with restricted sociosexual orientations typically shun casual encounters and gravitate towards sex in long-term, committed relationships. ![hazel green eyes](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-green-eyes-woman.jpg?resize=500%2C304&ssl=1)Makeup study ## STUDY HIGHLIGHTS In this line of research, investigators asked 182 people to view pictures of 69 young adult females of European descent. Each of the women shown in the photos wore varying degrees of makeup. The more makeup the female had on, the more she was perceived to be attractive – and open to hooking up. To test participant perceptions, investigators went back to the women shown in the pictures and surveyed their makeup use and sociosexual orientation (unrestricted vs. restricted). The results showed **no association** between the two. In other words, their use of cosmetics had absolutely zero to do with an openness to casually getting it on. **Related:** [How to say hi to a woman you don’t know](https://guycounseling.com/approach-women-confidence/) “This indicates that makeup is perceived to be a signal of greater unrestricted socio-sexuality in women. Our findings, however, also show that this association is not a valid cue of women’s socio-sexuality, as we found no systematic connection between women’s cosmetic use and their actual socio-sexuality,” stated the study’s authors. Curious to get a female perspective, Guy Counseling spoke to Jenny Sasso, a woman’s image consultant who operates [Chicago Lashes](https://goo.gl/q1Ehzi). “Women use cosmetics for a variety of reasons. Some do it to enhance their appearance. Others simply want to make themselves more attractive. Just because someone wants to look nice doesn’t mean they are sending out signals for sex.” she said. “Think about it for a minute. If a man shaves or grooms his beard with a product, does that mean he’s looking for a hookup? It’s no different for a woman who uses eyeshadow to accentuate [her green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-facts/)” Sasso adds. So, here is the bottom line guys. If you are one of those people who believe women who wear makeup are secretly trying to tell you something, think again. **Have you bought into this myth before?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Dating, eyes, Hook Up, Makeup --- ### [10 Ways You Make Yourself Look Older and Less Attractive](https://guycounseling.com/look-older-bad-habits/) **Published:** September 25, 2018 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![older man beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/older-looking-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Looking older than your years? Here’s why. Do you think you look older than your years? Looking for practical ways to vibe out younger and more attractive? Do you want to [get your handsome on](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/)? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Most guys want to look their best and prevent premature aging. The problem is that as a tribe, most of us are terrible at seeking out advice. Blame it on social taboos and toxic masculinity I suppose. Given interest in this topic, I thought it might be helpful to share 10 ways you may be accelerating the aging process. All have the ability to take away from your attractiveness. FYI: Some of these may seem like common sense. Others might cause you to pause and think. Read each one to gain the most from your analysis. Check it out. ## **![men and anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1)1. Lack of sleep** “Work hard and play hard, that’s my motto.” Sound familiar? You may imagine you deserve to party beyond midnight as compensation for diligence during the day. Nonetheless, everyone needs their beauty sleep; miss it, and you will age–quickly. Regular late nights result in droopy eyelids and under-eye bags. You’ll look unattractive, less healthy, and older than you are if you burn the midnight oil. **Related:** [Men’s guide for ridding baggy eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) Change from a night owl to a lark to reset your body clock and get the sleep you need. ## **2. Not managing stress** The jury is out about whether stress causes gray hair, but several scientists think it’s likely. The onset of pigmentation loss may occur up to 10 years early because of chronic anxiety. Likewise, your skin might age rapidly if you’re stressed. The good news is reducing stressors can increase the health of your DNA. Decrease anxiety and you’ll stay younger longer. ## **3. Not exercising enough** You might feel you exercise enough if your days are long and exhausting. However, sitting at a desk, and then in front of the TV, won’t give your body a workout. [Research reveals](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3395188/) a lack of exercise can shorten your lifespan and cause various debilitating diseases.By adding a 30-minute walk to your day, you can fulfill your exercise quota and prolong your life. ![smoking and aging](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/smoking-pot-man-smoking-cigarette.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Smoking is terrible for your skin ## **4. Too much sugar** Eating sugar wrecks your skin’s elasticity and causes wrinkles. A high-sugar diet also damages your teeth, resulting in the decay and tooth loss that makes you look old before your time. To protect your teeth, avoid sodas, candies, and other sugar-laden foods. Eat plenty of calcium-rich foods, such as dehydrated (no sugar added) fruits. If your teeth are healthy, you won’t appear older than you are. ## **5. Smoking** “Smoking’s one of my few vices, and I enjoy it.” How often have you heard (or said) these words? The potential results of your habit, though, are not enjoyable. These include early dementia, cancer, heart disease, a shortened lifespan, and old-looking skin. To increase your well-being and improve your attractiveness, stop smoking. If you’ve tried before, but failed, why not try a nicotine patch? It’s likely to work in combination with other stop smoking techniques. ## **6. Stressing your skin** Do you rub your eyes when tired, wear makeup to bed, or sleep with your face on your pillow? If so, your nocturnal habits contribute to premature aging. The skin around your eyes is thin. Dragging and pulling the delicate under-eye area results in wrinkles and broken capillaries. **Related:** [Simple men’s skin care ritual](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) To protect your skin, stop touching your face, use silk pillowcases, and apply cucumber slices to your eyes to reduce puffiness and discomfort. Always rinse your face gently, before hitting the hey. ![whiskey](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/whiskey.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Watch the alcohol ## **7. Too much booze** Is red wine good for health? Well, only to an extent. It contains a tiny amount of resveratrol, which is famed for its antioxidant properties. Any potential health gains do not outweigh the harmful effects of excessive alcohol consumption. In fact, alcohol dependency accounts for high death rates, and many cases of cirrhosis of the liver and heart failure. Additionally, drinking too much can make your face red, puffy, and lined. ## **8. Not being mindful of weight** You should rethink the notion you can just drop pounds and inches whenever you become overweight. Yes, you can diet successfully, but repeatedly doing so ages you. Yo-yo dieting increases the risk of life-threatening illnesses. Remaining overweight, however, can also leave you prone to disease and reduce fitness. Ill health makes you look old. If you want a better life, gradually increase exercise and eat a healthy diet. ## **9. Eating junk foods** Most people love junk food; it’s designed to hook them. Once you eat it regularly, the bad bacteria in your gut increase and prompt you to continue. **Related:** [I’m a man who got botox](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/) Processed foods have too much salt and fat, and little nutritional value, and contribute to weight gain and aging. Turn your health and longevity around by consuming more vegetables, oily fish, flaxseeds, and walnuts. As a bonus, your skin will appear young and fresh. ## **10. Sitting too long** Sitting is detrimental to longevity and wellness. Unfortunately, many people who work in offices can’t exercise for much of the day. You can, and should, stretch more and get up from your desk often. Take the stairs, walk to work, and consider using a standing desk to live longer. ## **Bonus  **Forgetting sunscreen** Not using sunblock can lead to skin cancer. Just knowing this ought to motivate people to apply factor 30 to 50 every day. Experts say ultraviolet exposure causes premature aging of the skin. Even if you wear sunblock before going to the beach, the chances are, you forget to apply more before running errands. You might also sit in your garden without wearing sunscreen. Realistically, you need to put it on every time you are exposed to UV rays. ## **Wrap Up** Stay younger longer by treating your body with respect. Get plenty of sleep and reduce stress, take more exercise and drink less alcohol, and stop smoking and consuming too much sugar and processed foods. Additionally, eat a healthy diet, watch your weight, and take care of your skin. If possible, move more than you sit. The result will be better health and a youthful appearance. **Related Post:** [10 men’s anti-aging rituals with products](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Aging, Anti-Aging, men's skin care, Older, Younger --- ### [Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Worth Renting on Google Play?](https://guycounseling.com/jurassic-world-fallen-kingdom-review/) **Published:** September 28, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![jw fallen kingdom](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/jw2.jpg?resize=757%2C503&ssl=1) ## Review of Jurassic World via streaming Were you one of the millions of people who made it to theaters when Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, was released on June 22 of this year? If so, you weren’t alone. During its opening weekend, it hauled in approximately [150 million dollars](https://www.polygon.com/2018/6/24/17499044/jurassic-world-fallen-kingdom-opening-weekend-box-office-figures), according to some news reports. The metrics reveal the movie ranked as number twenty in films for all time in domestic opening weekends. Sadly, I was not able to make it to the movies when this film was originally released. Work responsibilities and family obligations got in the way. Perhaps you can relate? The “good news” is that I was able to see “Fallen Kingdom” when it finally became available for streaming on September 18, via Google Play. In this post, I’d like to give you my impressions of this movie and answer the central question presented in the title: *Is Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom worth renting?* In my case, I ended up renting this film for the price of $5.99 several days ago. All I can tell you is that I was not pleased with this film and wish I wouldn’t have spent the money. Can I be real with you? I’ve always loved the Jurassic Park franchise and have seen every single one of the movies since the first one was released in 1990. I didn’t expect Fallen Kingdom to be iconic. Most movie sagas, particularly after the second one, rarely are. But I did expect there to be something different in this movie. In the case of Fallen World, the “something different” was a hodgepodge of retreaded plots from the past that were uninteresting and yawn-worthy. Reviews are always hard to write because you don’t want to give away the movie. I’ll try to do that here via this write-up from the folks at [The Verge](https://tinyurl.com/y9ql9zr5): “The film opens three years after the theme park and luxury resort \[Jurassic World\] was totaled by dinosaurs out of containment. Isla Nublar now sits abandoned by humans while the surviving dinosaurs fend for themselves in the jungles. When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event. Owen is driven to find Blue, his lead raptor who’s still missing in the wild, and Claire has grown a respect for these creatures she now makes her mission. Arriving on the unstable island as lava begins raining down, their expedition uncovers a conspiracy that could return our entire planet to a perilous order not seen since prehistoric times.” OK, now that you have the essential plot of the film, I’ve got to say **it was a massive disappointment**. While I’m the first to admit the cinematography was interesting at times, the movie itself featured storylines that we’ve seen many, many times before. The Indoraptor (the new, hybrid dinosaur) introduced in this movie wasn’t all that scary. And while seeing Blue, the Velociraptor, again was cool, the bad plot and bad subplots took away from his presence. I like Chris Pratt and thought his previous appearance as Owen Grady in the Jurassic franchise was awesome. But in this film, it just felt like his role fell flat. At any rate, you can see from my write-up that I wasn’t a fan of this film. Is it worth spending $5.99 to steam on Google Play? All I can say is that I didn’t enjoy the movie and regret not waiting for it to come out on Netflix. **Perhaps you had a different impression? Did you see this movie? What did you think?** **Categories:** Field Notes, Reviews **Tags:** Films, Movies, Reviews --- ### [New Relationships Can Make You Pack on Pounds, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/relationships-weight-gain-925/) **Published:** September 25, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![couple eating bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-eating-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Study draws link between new relationships and weight gain** Have you heard of the urban legend about new relationships causing people to get fat? Well, according to a newly released study by the folks at Jenny Craig, it’s not a myth. In fact, the research, as reported by the folks at [Fox News](http://www.foxnews.com/lifestyle/2018/09/24/heres-how-much-weight-americans-gain-after-settling-into-relationship.html), is sort of eye-popping. That’s because we’re not talking about one or two pounds. Nope, instead, think major weight gain. How much? Well, according to the conclusions of the Jenny Craig study, some folks gain up to **17-pounds extra** during the first year of their relationship. When you add this up between two people, we’re talking about a whopping 36-pounds in total. You may be wondering what’s behind the extra blubber? All we can tell you is what the data reveals. Six in ten indicated they felt less pressure keep the weight off because they were attached to someone. **Forty-one percent** believed the source of the added weight was because of dining out (think fast food). Another **thirty-four percent** blamed the extra poundage on alcohol, presumably because new couples tend to drink more. ![couple drinking alcohol ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Drinking doesn’t help Oh, by the way – marriage is also bad for your waist, particularly for guys. Per the findings, men pack on an extra twenty-two pounds in the first year after tying the knot. Women, on the other hand, gain an average of 13-pounds. Guy Counseling was curious about the results and spoke to Dr. Tyler Fortman, a licensed psychologist in Chicago and [contributor](https://guycounseling.com/our-writers-2/) to the blog. “These findings don’t surprise me at all. It’s really common for people to perceive stability and predictability in relationships as a destination and not a process. This seems to be at play with weight gain. Partners in a relationship become less disciplined with their diets and exercise because they’ve “made it.” In fact, this is dangerous thinking. It leads to complacency in lots of ways, including weight gain,” said Fortman. Now there is some good news, which happens to be fortuitous for the folks at Jenny Craig. Apparently, couples who put on the extra pounds work hard \[at some point\] to get rid of them. “The data shows that while people have gained weight in a relationship, they are recognizing that they need to lose it, and that is great news for their health,” said Monty Sharma, CEO of Jenny Craig.” Well, there you have it. Do the results surprise you? **Related post:** [10 reasons you lose muscle mass revealed](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) **Categories:** News, Science **Tags:** belly fat, research, Study, Weight Gain --- ### [Does a Full Moon Increase Criminal Behavior?](https://guycounseling.com/moon-criminal-behavior-influence/) **Published:** September 24, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![full moon](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Cancer-Men-Moon.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Criminologist dispels a common myth** Do you like looking at the night sky, particularly during a full moon? I sure do. There’s just something mesmerizing about that massive white disk when it’s fully illuminated. Located 238,900 miles from where you are right now, the moon has been the stuff of legend and lore for centuries. In fact, some even believe the moon itself has magic powers, like influencing the behaviors of people born under the [sign of Cancer](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/). One common lunar myth is that when fully illuminated, the moon mysteriously causes crime to go up. Urban legend holds that it has something to do with tidal forces and its impact on the human psyche. But is that *really* true or is it a bunch of bunk? Well, according to Wayne Petherick, an associate professor of criminology at Bond college who penned a piece for *[The Conversation](https://theconversation.com/its-better-light-not-worse-behaviour-that-explains-crimes-on-a-full-moon-101524)*, the relationship between increased crime and a full moon has zero to do with magic. Instead, it’s all about the availability of light. In other words, the brighter it is outside, the more likely something criminal will happen. In referring to a 2017 [study](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12103-016-9351-9) appearing in *The American Journal of Criminal Justice*, Bond discusses the findings. While the study’s authors did not identify a link between the lunar phases and increased crime (indoor or outdoor), they did observe something interesting. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/aN9GqoR7OD3nq/giphy.gif?resize=343%2C343&ssl=1) “But they did find the intensity of moonlight to have a substantive positive effect on outdoor criminal activity. **As moon illumination increased, they saw an escalation in criminal activity**,” says Bond. Translation: When the moon is super bright, it’s going to make it a lot easier for the bad guys to see what’s going on outside. So, why do so many people buy into the belief that lunar cycles influence anti-social behaviors? Bond suggests it may be because people typically focus on what they expect to be true. “During an expected lunar event – such as a full or super Moon – we expect that there will be a change in behavior, so we pay more attention when we see it. In the area of cognitive psychology, this is known as [confirmation bias](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201504/what-is-confirmation-bias),” Bond remarks. Well, there you have it, folks. A full moon doesn’t cause people to channel their inner crazy and become anti-social. In fact, based on most psychological research, [abnormal behavior](https://guycounseling.com/abnormal-psychology-explained/) is something that is deeply ingrained in an individual’s personality. Now if someone could explain that whole full moon and werewolf thing, that would be awesome. Oh, wait. That’s been [debunked](https://www.iflscience.com/editors-blog/weirdos-werewolves-and-full-moon/) too, thanks to science. At any rate, enjoy the full moon! **Categories:** Field Notes, Psychology, Science **Tags:** Abnormal Behavior, Crime, Psychology, Sexual Behaviors, Space --- ### [5 New Luxury Sedans Worth Checking Out](https://guycounseling.com/5-luxury-sedans/) **Published:** September 23, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![bmw](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/bmw.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Thinking of a luxury sedan? Four-door sedans are rapidly losing their market share to [sporty new crossover SUVs](https://guycounseling.com/porsche-cayenne-2019/), but these 5 luxury vehicles didn’t get the memo. This is the new breed. These premium four-door sedans are staying competitive because they’re fast, sophisticated and laced with advanced technology. Most of the automakers represented in this list also have hot new crossover SUVs on the market, but they’ve gone back to the drawing board on the basic concept of the four-door sedan. What they’ve come up with is sure to get your motor running. ## **1. The 2019 Audi A8** The A8 is the flagship sedan of the Audi brand and has an MSRP of $83,800. That puts it on par with the Mercedes-Benz S Class and the Porsche Panamera.  That’s quite an ambitious leap for the classically-subtle luxury brand. Is the 2019 Audi A8 worth the price? Well, auto critics and driving enthusiasts are doing double takes at the new Audi A8 sedan because it’s the first production vehicle to have Level 3 autonomous driving technology. The 2019 Audi A8 can completely drive itself at speeds below 37 MPH and it can park by remote. You also won’t need a key for the 2019 Audi A8. You can enter the vehicle by tapping your smartphone on the door. Then, you place it in the center console to charge the device and start/stop the ignition. The A8 has enough laser scanners, cameras, and ultrasonic sensors to rival a Navy battleship. The sensor and camera systems give this vehicle’s onboard AI a much more comprehensive view of road conditions than any of its closest competitors. ## **2. The 2019 BMW M5 Competition Sedan** This is one of the most highly-anticipated vehicles of the past decade. The [M5 Competition sedan](https://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/2019-bmw-m5-competition-first-drive-review) is now available as a standalone model, not just a package upgrade. The M5 is a powerhouse. It’s capable of traveling from zero to 60 MPH in 3.1 seconds and boasts 617 horsepower. The 4.4 Liter twin-turbo V8 engine roars to life with a sound that is almost intimidating. This luxury sedan dares you to try and harness all the raw power that’s contained beneath the hood of the M5. There’s so much raw energy on tap that drivers of previous M5s have complained about the lack of control. This time around, BMW has made some upgrades to the vehicle’s stability and handling. The 2019 M5 Competition sedan has a lower ground clearance, the motor mounts and suspension are stiffer, and the vehicle’s frame is much lighter. The result is a driving experience that is so visceral and thrilling that you’ll barely bat an eye at the $110,000 price tag. ## **3. The 2018 Tesla Model S** The 2018 Tesla Model S is certainly the celebrity of the bunch. Its all-electric powertrain makes it the quickest vehicle in the list. Without an internal combustion engine, the instant torque of the Model S can zip from zero to 60 MPH in just 2.5 seconds.  When you engage the Ludicrous Mode on the Tesla Model S P100D, you can shave that time down to just 2.27 seconds. That’s ludicrous alright. The interior comes straight from a minimalist sci-fi novel with a single 17-inch touchscreen display front and center. Tesla would like to boast that this is the safest vehicle on the planet, but it’s high marks in the safety department are being chipped away as the government tightens its security standards on self-driving vehicles. The 2018 Tesla Model S has some limited autonomous driving functions with 12 ultrasonic sensors, surround view cameras and forward-facing radar. The Tesla Model S with AutoPilot can change lanes, park, manage cruise control and avoid collisions without driver input. The MSRP of $74,500 puts the Model S at the middle of the list, but when you equip all the bells and whistles the price climbs up quickly. ## **4. The 2019 Acura RLX Sport Hybrid** Acura’s flagship sedan, the 2019 RLX Sport Hybrid holds on to some of the old methodology of luxury sedans and attempts to simply excel at the current paradigm. It’s taken the best examples of every vehicle on the market and created something that tops the charts in terms of performance, fuel economy, style and refinement. The RLX Sport Hybrid works on a three motor hybrid system. It has a 3.5 Liter V6 combustion engine, a front wheel electric motor, and twin rear wheel motors that connect to a lithium ion battery bank. The RLX Sport Hybrid has a combined rating of 377 horsepower, 341 lb. ft. of torque and can be outfitted with all-wheel drive. **Related:**[ Acura RDX 2019 review](https://guycounseling.com/2019-acura-rdx/) It’s quick, nimble and uber-responsive. The individual jewel-eye LED headlamps are unique and brilliant. So is the rest of the redesigned exterior which is much more aggressive and sharper than previous versions of the Acura sedan. When it comes to safety and autonomous driving, the 2019 Acura RLX Sport Hybrid ticks all the right boxes. It’s got lane departure warnings, adaptive cruise control, blind spot warnings and surround view cameras. There’s nothing ground-breaking about it except the price: just an MSRP of $61,900. ## **5. The 2018 Mercedes-Benz AMG S 63 Sedan** It should come as no surprise that a Mercedes-Benz sedan makes the list of top luxury sedans. Not only does the AMG S 63 top the list in terms of price, but it might also top the list in terms of value. The 2018 Mercedes-Benz S series AMG 63 sedan costs $147,500, but it grants the owner a view into the exclusive world of top-flight luxury and performance. If you’re looking for speed, then ignore the temptation to hop up to the AMG S 65, because the AMG S 63 is faster. Its 4 Liter bi-turbo V8 AMG engine has 603 horsepower and can push this big-bodied sedan from zero to 60 MPH in 3.4 seconds. You might arrive at the finish line just a few tenths of a second behind the competition, but you’ll certainly arrive in style. **Related:** [How to change your motor oil](https://guycounseling.com/change-motor-oil-dyi/) The 2018 Mercedes-Benz AMG S 63’s hand-crafted interior is downright palatial. The 12.3 inch instrument cluster sits right next to the 12.3 inch infotainment interface. The entire dashboard sprawls out in a display of woodgrain and tech screens. The AMG S 63 has massaging, heated and ventilated Nappa leather seats. You can even put aromatherapy in this sedan with fragrance-laced cabin atomizers. Not to be left out of the autonomous driving race, the AMG S 63 sedan has emergency automatic braking, steering assist, surround view cameras, and night view assistance. All other luxury sedans – take note. **Do you own a luxury sedan? If so, which one? Share your comments below.** **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** automobiles, Automotive, cars --- ### [5 Tips for Men to Grow Stronger, More Attractive Hair](https://guycounseling.com/men-strong-thick-hair-tips/) **Published:** September 20, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![grow stronger thicker hair men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/grey-eyes-2.jpg?resize=701%2C526&ssl=1) ## Thicker, stronger hair hacks for men Do you want to grow stronger, thicker hair? Are you hoping to have a more youthful look? Trying to find ways to enhance your appearance? If so, you aren’t alone. Even though men don’t talk about it, a lot of us want to look as attractive as possible for as long as possible. Part of this means growing hair that is strong and thick. Don’t get me wrong. Bald is beautiful. But if you ask most guys, they would prefer to keep what they’ve got on top for as long as possible. Part of this means taking care of your mane and engaging in smart but simple activities that encourage follicular strength. While there isn’t a magic trick to ensure you turn into the [stuff of Zac Efron](https://guycounseling.com/zac-efron-style-guide/) overnight, you can engage in five activities that help to encourage hair growth while fortifying your shafts. ## **1. Eat a healthy diet** Eating the right foods will ensure the follicles of your hair don’t break and help it to grow long. Nuts like almonds and omega three oils are essential since they can make hair glossy and luxurious. Salmon, chia seeds, cold pressed flaxseeds, spinach, and walnuts also contain the fatty acids your hair needs to shine. Don’t forget fish oil capsules as an option. There is some [evidence](https://www.livestrong.com/article/496120-fish-oil-hair-loss/) to show that it helps with strengthening. ## **2. Use some oil** Argan and Moroccan oil nourish, repair, and rejuvenate dry hair, while also protecting it and adding shine. A little bit can go a long way in helping you to strengthen your locks. I personally use Majestic Pure ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2xDmg9N)). Place a coin-sized amount of oil on your fingertips and work the product through your hair when it’s damp, from roots to ends before drying your hair as usual for super-sleek locks. ## **3. Brush less** Here’s the thing – the more you run that brush or comb through your hair, the greater the chance you’ll yank out strands. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t brush your hair. You should. But keep it to a minimum. One way to accomplish this is by using a gel or spray that creates fullness while locking your hairstyle into position. There are lots of products on the market for this, so you’ll want to look around. If you have thinning hair, consider something that adds volume and body. Boldify hair thickening spray is a good option to consider ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2xr7LGK)). ## **4. Reduce shampoo – Up conditioner** Do you wash your hair every day? If so, you’re inadvertently stripping it of natural oils, leaving it dry and prone to breakage. If you’re used to daily washing, stretching your routine might feel wrong at first, but your hair will stay fresh and attractive longer than you imagine. Aim to shampoo your hair about every three days, and you’ll experience less hair breakage. Finally, on this point, DO use a conditioner daily. It won’t harm your hair and may help keep moisture locked in; something your follicles need to prevent breakage. One of the [best thickening conditioners](https://guycounseling.com/hair-solaye-conditioner-review/) on the market is one that we reviewed called Hair Solaye. Visit the hyperlinked text to check out our impressions. ## **5. Low heat – Pat dry** Styling devices like hairdryers can damage hair, causing it to become brittle and break. However, you can avoid a great deal of injury to your hair by taking preventative actions. When drying your hair, don’t keep heat flooding onto one area for too long; move the hairdryer to a different section every few seconds. Also, pat dry your hair when you get out of the shower. Never rub it or use the towel in a way that is abrasive. If you do this, you run the risk of yanking hair right out of your scalp. ## **Wrap Up** Finally, I recognize hair loss can be a sensitive topic for many men, even when we are talking to our doctors. But here is the thing. You don’t have to visit your physician’s office to have these types of conversations. Hims is a tele-medical company focusing on men’s health and wellness that allows you to chat with a doctor online. What’s nice about this option is that you don’t have to take time off work or deal with the awkwardness of a face-to-face meeting. Depending on your situation, a doctor [may be able to prescribe Finasteride](https://www.forhims.com/hair-loss/finasteride), which treats male pattern baldness at the crown and in the middle of the scalp. With regular use, you may notice less hair loss and thicker growth. Oh, if you are worried about taking this drug, you might want to check out our story that explores recent [good news](https://guycounseling.com/finasteride-cancer-study/) about men who use Propecia. Hopefully, the tips shared here will help you to grow stronger hair while keeping the locks that you have on top! **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Balding, Hair, Hair Styles --- ### [What’s New with the 2019 Acura RDX?](https://guycounseling.com/2019-acura-rdx/) **Published:** September 22, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![acura 2019 rdx](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/acura-rdx-2019.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Acura RDX 2019 Review** Decidedly different, the 2019 Acura RDX dares to reimagine what a crossover SUV is supposed to look like. What a surprise because just last year, the RDX hardly made anybody’s top 10 list. With its new design architecture, high end interior and available all-wheel drive, this luxury vehicle could now be the number one crossover on the market. ## Introduction to the Acura RDX The [2019 Acura RDX](https://www.acura.com/rdx) is a mid-sized crossover SUV that seats five passengers and leans toward high performance. Fuel economy is less than stellar with 22 MPG in the city and 28 MPG on the highway, but that might be the only downside to an otherwise immaculate vehicle. The RDX is spacious, versatile and loaded with advanced technology. Acura has arranged the features of the 2019 RDX along the lines of bundled packages, not model trims like most other brands. There’s the standard base model, the Advanced, A-Spec, and Technology packages. **Related:** [5 cool muscle cars!](https://guycounseling.com/2018-muscle-cars-825/) For some reason, you can only get the A-Spec and Advanced packages if you also bundle in the Technology package. This can drive the price up in a hurry, but the Technology package can be equipped without the addition of the other two. **Here is a brief breakdown of all the package features:** *Standard* The Standard package has an MSRP of $37,000 and covers most of the core features. You get some advanced safety features such as forward collision mitigation and adaptive cruise control, as well as Apple CarPlay and a power liftgate. *Advance* This package is aimed at increasing the luxury amenities of the RDX. It upgrades the interior with heated and ventilated leather seating, a premium audio system and some enhanced safety features. You need to also bundle the Advance package with the Technology package, so get your wallet ready. *A-Spec* This is the style package. You get bigger rims and signature A-Spec accents both inside and out. There aren’t any performance upgrades to match the bawdy red leather interior, but you’ll feel a bit more confident about unleashing the full power of your turbo-charged engine. *Technology* The Technology package can be equipped as a standalone bundle, but all other packages require it. This package brings in the navigation system with voice recognition and 3D mapping. You also get the full array of driver assistance safety features such as blind spot monitoring, rear cross traffic alerts and a few more cameras and sensors. ## Performance The 2019 Acura RDX has done away with the old 3.5 Liter V6 engine and replaced it with a 2.0 Liter turbo-charged four-cylinder engine that produces 272 horsepower and 280-pound feet of torque. This is basically the same engine that’s found in the Civic Type-R. It’s managed by a 10-speed automatic transmission with paddle shifters that push power to an available Super-Handling All-Wheel Drive (SH-AWD) system. The transmission shifts in near silence and delivers amazing acceleration that will put your back into the chair. You can equip the RDX with front-wheel drive, and that’s advisable if you’re just looking for a seven-seater that hauls groceries and toddlers. Now, for a bit more on the handling and driver control. Just like it’s big brother the Acura NSX, the 2019 Acura RDX has a drive mode selector called the Integrated Dynamic System (IDS). There’s a rotary knob in the center console that toggles between comfort, snow, sport and sport plus driving modes. The comfort mode relaxes the steering and loosens up the suspension. Snow mode manipulates the amount of power supplied to each wheel to give you optimal traction. Sport and sport plus modes heighten the throttle response, tighten the suspension, steering and deliver a more robust engine sound. The paddle shifters also switch to full manual. ## Exterior Style Critics have often accused Acura vehicles of having modest style cues, but that won’t be the case with the 2019 Acura RDX. It’s been redesigned. The vehicle’s stance is lower and wider than before. It has an attractive front grille that features a pentagon-shaped style piece in the center. Then, there’s an explosion of diamond accents that radiate outward from the badge. The LED headlight configuration is big and bright with seven individual pieces. The wheels are even larger. The profile of the RDX has sharp lines that flow round back to where you’ll find rounded dual exhaust ports. The A-Spec package is downright sexy. The front fascia is upgraded with fog lights and glossy black accents. 20-inch shark grey wheels and dark chrome detailing beef up the profile. In the rear, the A-Spec package brings its own signature exhaust port design, a rear diffuser borrowed from the NSX and an exclusive rear bumper. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BoAVXQgHzx9/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Interior Amenities This is a driver’s car, but the driver interface takes some getting used to. Acura threw out the rule book and changed nearly everything on the dashboard. The shift knob has been replaced by an electronic gear selector and e-brake. The RDX has push button start/stop. Even the air con vents have been turned 90 degrees vertical. There’s a touchpad at the bottom of the center console that acts much like a mouse pad. You can scroll through infotainment settings in a similar fashion as you would on your smart phone or tablet. Thankfully, there are steering wheel-mounted controls for all your basic functions such as climate, audio and cruise control. Interface aside, the RDX promotes a high level of sophistication even on the base model. The interior of the 2019 RDX feels airy and open thanks to the panoramic moonroof that slides and tilts. It comes standard on all models. You get heated front seats, a power liftgate, and ambient cabin lighting. The packages up the ante and provide even more interior amenities. The espresso brown leather seating and wood trim palette for the Technology package are stunning, but so are the other three interior color themes. The Technology package also includes a 12-speaker premium audio system that was designed by Grammy award-winning producer Elliot Scheiner. The Advance package comes with heated and ventilated front seats that have 16 adjustable settings. Add on a heated, leather-wrapped steering wheel for the driver and heated seats for the rear occupants, as well. The A-Spec package ranks low on sophistication but pops the eyes with bold and sporty accents. It comes with black or red leather seats, sport pedals, and a matching sport gauge cluster with red ambient lighting. There’s brushed aluminium trim and badges that turn the refined RDX into a monster. ## Safety Features If the 2019 Acura RDX aims to rival European luxury crossovers, then the expectations are remarkably high, especially in the safety department. The RDX does not disappoint. The standard model comes equipped with a multi-view rear camera, adaptive cruise control, collision mitigating brakes, lane keeping assist, forward collision warning and road departure mitigation. These are premium safety features that are usually reserved for higher model trims of BMWs, Audis, and other luxury vehicles. If you choose the Advance and Technology packages, then you’re going to get even more advanced safety features. The RDX can be outfitted with blind spot monitoring, rear cross traffic monitoring, and an enhanced surround view camera that employs four onboard cameras. Acura also throws in front and rear parking sensors to further sweeten the deal. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) awarded the 2019 RDX a Top Safety Pick + status which is the highest award that they hand out. That’s largely due to the “Superior” scores the RDX received for its standard safety equipment. ## Final Verdict for the 2019 Acura RDX The Acura RDX comes roaring up the European luxury crossover lane for 2019. The driving experience is vaguely reminiscent of a BMW X3. The interior amenities are patterned after the Audi Q5. Yet, the RDX isn’t a copycat. It has a style all its own and some true performance chops. Acura is tight-lipped about the towing capacity and off-road prowess of the RDX though, so I wouldn’t expect to see an RDX on the trail anytime soon. It’s clearly not meant to rival a Land Rover or Jeep. The center console and its array of knobs, touch surfaces and buttons is a bit of a buzzkill, but the near-perfect cabin will make you overlook that whole configuration. Most drivers will stick with the steering-wheel mounted controls and call it a day. Also, the fuel economy of the RDX doesn’t serve to separate it from the competition, but the performance abilities will attract people who aren’t in the market for gas mileage anyway. This is more for driving enthusiasts than soccer moms. Surprisingly, the A-Spec package almost turns the RDX into a completely different vehicle, taking it even further than the NISMO package on all the Nissan sport cars. This is a truly versatile crossover with front-wheel or all-wheel drive. So, well done Acura. The 2019 RDX finally deserves its moment in the limelight. **Do you own an Acura RDX? What are your impressions of this vehicle? Any thoughts about the 2019?** Photo credit:Wiki-commons **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Acura, automobiles, Car, cars --- ### [5 Hacks for Breaking Through Training Plateaus for Bodybuilders](https://guycounseling.com/training-plateaus-bodybuilding/) **Published:** September 21, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bodybuilder plateaus](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/bodybuilder-weights.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Hitting training plateaus? ## Break through training plateaus When you first start lifting, it almost seems too easy. Your frame fills out with muscle faster than you can keep up, and it feels like you’re adding more weight to the bar every time you hit the gym. But there comes the point in every lifter’s life where you stop adding pounds to the bar or the scale- the dreaded [training plateau](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10413209008406417). Once your body becomes used to the stress you put it under, it’s harder to adapt. That means that while you might find it easy to pack on muscle for the first year of training, you’ll eventually reach a point where it feels like you’re making no progress at all. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop altogether; just change up your approach. Here are some of the most powerful ways to break through your muscle-building plateau. ## **1. Lift Heavier** You might not want to admit it, but maybe you’re just not pushing yourself hard enough. A lot of amateur lifters make their first gains with the resistance machines and light dumbbells in their gym. But if you want to keep putting on muscle, you need to up the ante. Lifting heavy is essential for continued muscle growth. If you’ve hit a plateau, then try taking on a no-nonsense, heavy-lifting workout. Most experts recommend sticking to the tried and tested compound exercises- bench press, squats, deadlifts, shoulder press, and pull-ups. Add more weight each time and focus on doing five sets of five. **Related:** [Top 10 reasons for muscle loss](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) Squats are a scientifically proven plateau-breaker. Research has shown that performing heavy squats causes considerable increases in testosterone and human growth hormone, leading to more muscle growth. ## **2. Fix Your Diet** If you’re not making progress in the gym, your diet should be the number one suspect. It might just be that you’re not taking in enough calories, or maybe you’re overeating junk and not getting enough high-quality protein and carbs. With apps and websites like MyFitnessPal freely available today, there’s no excuse not to track what you’re eating if you want to take your training seriously. As well as making sure you’re eating enough calories to gain muscle, make sure you’re getting enough of each macronutrient. Protein is the most critical macronutrient for gaining mass. If there isn’t enough in your diet, try eating more chicken, tuna, nuts, milk or even start drinking protein shakes. ![plateaus ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/man-flexing.jpg?resize=624%2C370&ssl=1)Break through training plateaus – build muscle ## **3. Shock Your Muscles Into Growth** There are many different ways to train and doing it the same way all the time can lead to a stagnation in muscle growth. But lifting heavier isn’t the only way to force your muscles into growing, merely changing up your training methods can have a massive impact. A lot of studies have shown that you can shock your muscles into growing more. There are many ways to do this. For instance, if you’ve been training with the typical 8-12 reps for the past few months, try taking on lower weights and lifting for 20 repetitions, or until failure. You could also try supersets- alternating between two different exercises for further growth. If you’re accustomed to lifting fast, maybe try focusing on slow, controlled movements. Changing up your training techniques every few months can help you break through a plateau and keep growing. When things get old, try something new. ## **4. Track Your Progress** Experiencing a plateau in your training is a legitimate phenomenon that can happen to anyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s always the case. Maybe you just haven’t noticed the growth in your muscles. Perhaps you’re just not paying enough attention to how much you’re lifting, or how much you’re eating. It’s important to track everything when you’re training. Use a nutrition app to keep track of your diet and figure out if you’re getting enough calories and macronutrients. Start logging your workouts, keeping a record of how much weight you’re lifting and for how many reps. That way, you can focus on doing more reps or more weight next time to keep on progressing. **Related:** [Why you need a training journal](https://guycounseling.com/7-reasons-why-you-should-be-keeping-workout-journal/) Weighing yourself once a week and even measuring your muscles can also help. Sometimes you’re making progress too slowly to notice any significant differences but give it a few months and compare where you are then to now! ## **5. Take A Rest** It might sound counterproductive, but sometimes the best way to keep making progress in your training is to rest up and stop training. [Overtraining is real](https://guycounseling.com/overtraining-syndrome-8-signs-body-builders/). Training hard for a long time can slow down your body’s recovery and make it hard to achieve your optimal performance. What’s worse is it can result in your muscles breaking down more and, in worse cases, can even cause illness, injury, and hormonal imbalances. It’s helpful to take a few days off or even a week off from the gym every few months or so. If you’re feeling the effects of overtraining, you may also want to take a few weeks off. While you might miss lifting, it’s important to let yourself recover so you can get back into training with a healthy mind, renewed focus, and muscles that are refreshed and ready to grow. ## **Wrap Up** Even when it seems like you’ve stopped making gains in the gym and your muscles have stopped growing, don’t stress out. Sometimes it’s merely a case of your body becoming acclimated to the work to which you’re subjecting it. Changing the way you train by lifting heavier or for more reps can make all the difference. Sometimes all you need is a couple of weeks off. These methods will help you break through your plateau and get back to peak performance. Good luck with your goals and keep up the good work! **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** bodybuilding, Growth, muscle, Muscle Plateaus --- ### [Zac Efron Style Guide for Looking Like a Movie Star](https://guycounseling.com/zac-efron-style-guide/) **Published:** September 20, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ## **![zac efron style guide ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/e2685f078bdf988053539c8bdf918bf7.jpg?resize=620%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Zac Efron Style from head to toe** Trying to copy the style of [Zac Efron](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1374980/)? Hoping to replicate his look in your own life? Do you like his hairstyle and clothes? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. I’m a huge fan of Zac Efron and have followed him ever since he was in the hit television movie, *High School Musical* (2006). If you’ve watched him over the years, there’s a good chance you’ve noticed he’s gone through several transformations. Specifically, he went from being kind of a clean-cut guy to a bodybuilder. If you saw him in the movie *Baywatch* (2017), you know exactly what I mean. In public, we see Efron wearing different types of clothing, often sporting a hipster style. But upon closer inspection, we can see this chill actor is a lot more basic with his wardrobe than some might think. In this post, I’m going to walk you through the essentials of Zac Efron’s style. To help you acclimate, I’ll give you some basic demographic information to help create a mental picture. Afterward, I’ll offer you a head to toe analysis of his entire look, including his hair, clothing and footwear choices. I’ve even thrown in some grooming tips that you can use in your own life. ![zac e](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/zac-e.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Zac Efron quick background ## Guy File: Zac Efron **Birthday:** October 18, 1987, San Luis Obispo, California **Height:** 5’8 **Eye Color:** [Deep sea blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) **Body Type:** [Athletic Endomorph ](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BUK-S3dh1UJ/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Body and Style for Zac Efron Right off the bat, it’s important to recognize that Zac Efron is on the shorter side of height. His official biographies online show him standing at 5’8 but I have a feeling that when he’s not wearing boots, he’s closer to 5’7. Knowing this is critical because it means his clothing choices are somewhat limited when you compare his physique to other actors like Chris Evans ([Visit this Chris Evans Style Guide](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-style-guide/) to see what I mean). That said, Efron’s athletic build affords him plenty of choices for looking sharp. If you notice, the bulk of his wardrobe includes shirts, jeans, and jackets that snugly fit his frame. Are you interested in learning more about how he got his body all jacked up? Then check out this YouTube video that offers excellent insight. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BciENg_HbZ2/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Zac Efron Hair You are going to read all sorts of information on the web about Efron’s hair, including how he styles it. What’s often missing from the information is this simple fact: **Zac Efron’s hair is naturally wavy.** You need to know this because if you are trying to style your locks like this actor, it’s important to take into account this reality. So, let’s talk about how he styles it. Well, in the general sense, the guy keeps it (mostly) short. Obviously, much depends on the movie he is doing and the role he is playing. Almost always, his hair has a shine to it. While I can’t be sure, I’m guessing he uses some type of product like the Aria Star Oil Hair Mask to smooth out his locks and capture moisture ([see Amazon](http://amzn.to/2FNCnW8)). To give his hair the height and thickness you often see, I’m thinking he uses some type of conditioner that brings fullness to his scalp. You can read more about thickening products for hair in this [post on David Beckham’s style](https://guycounseling.com/david-beckham-style-guide/). > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BO427Aoj4NX/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Efron Hair Style Specifics To achieve the short hairstyle that you see in many of his pictures, I betcha he instructs his barber or stylist to do the following: - Use a set of clippers, set to the “number 1” setting around the lower perimeter of his head (nape, ear area). - Halfway up, I bet the barber switches to 1.5 or 2 settings. - At the top, the stylist is likely using a full on 3 setting. Because Efron’s hair is wavy, I am thinking the barber does a “crop cut” but makes sure that everything is boxed. This gives him the symmetrical look that compliments his face. It also helps to bring out his bright blue eyes. It’s worth noting here that occasionally, Efron will sport facial hair. Almost always, it’s a short-beard style that is designed to frame his mug. [Read this page on short beard styles to learn more.](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/) https://www.instagram.com/p/BUuXZVvHS4R/?hl=en&taken-by=zacefron ## Efron’s Face To begin with, it’s important to recognize that Zac Efron has a youthful appearance. Part of this is a function of age but not entirely. Specifically, I’m talking about the actor having oily skin. **This is not a bad thing.** In fact, when properly managed, oily skin can help a person to look much younger than their true age. That said, many of his photos show him with a bit of a shine. In order to deal with this problem, I strongly suspect that he uses a [men’s face exfoliating scrub](https://guycounseling.com/best-exfoliating-face-scrubs-men/). By removing the excess moisture from his face, he does a lot to prevent acne, diminish shine, and promote a glowing look. If I had to guess, he likely exfoliates 2-3 times a week. So, what else does he use on his face? I don’t know this for a fact, but I can’t imagine he doesn’t use some type of daily cleanser, capped off with a moisturizing cream. In looking at the tone of his face and it’s youthful appearance, it’s very possible he uses nutritional supplements, like a [vitamin and fish oil combo](http://www.pntra.com/t/2-349447-149659-147365), to promote collagen growth. Given that he works outdoors a lot during filming scenes, he probably uses something with SPF in it to protect his skin from sun damage. Let’s be real. When you are a big time celeb like Efron, your face is a major trademark. This is why I believe he engages in a [daily men’s skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) with an eye towards simplicity. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BGDBb7fm846/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Efron’s Clothing – Casual The easiest way to think of Zac Efron’s clothing choices is basic. Yes, he can get all hipster but when you peel back the onion, what you are really looking at are simple choices with solid colors. Here’s the thing. When you are short, you want to go with the primaries (blues, whites, reds) that are devoid of horizontal stripes. Yep, that’s right – certain patterns can actually make you look heavy, even though you aren’t. In Efron’s case, he likes to wear clothes that are darker in tone that vibe out masculine. Specifically, I’m talking about things like cotton t-shirts, flannels, and jeans. In many ways, he mirrors the lumbersexual look of [rugged type guys](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). To recap, here’s what you will often see him in: - T-shirts (sometimes with a V-Neck) - Plaid shirts - Blue jeans that lean towards skinny - Denim jackets ([aka jean jackets](https://guycounseling.com/denim-jacket-guide/)) - Construction boots or solid color sneakers - Board shorts or khaki shorts > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bce9j8rnPbZ/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Zac Efron Formal It’s not often you see Efron is formal attire. Given his laid- back, California persona, it’s just not his style. But when he does have to get all snazzy for an award show or charity event, he usually chooses: - Dark, custom fit suits - Traditional wingtip dress shoes - Usually no belt - A dark tie (blue, grey or black) - White or blue dress shirt Given we are talking formal, people wonder what kind of watch he wears. The honest answer to that question is: It depends. Just looking at his pictures over the years, it seems like this actor gravitates towards gold watches. This makes sense because getting all blinged out just isn’t the man’s style. Maybe something like a reasonably priced [Bulova men’s gold watch](https://guycounseling.com/bulova-gold-watch-review-817/)? ## Colognes We already know that Efron likes to wear certain men’s fragrances. Based on a 2017 interview appearing on Refinery 29, he is all about Hugo Boss. In simple speak, this men’s fragrance vibes out a woody, citrus scent. You can [read more about the best colognes for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/), including Hugo Boss, in the hyperlinked post. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BgSZ_UGH74k/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Classic Hipster/Surfer look To sum it all up, Zac Efron has a basic but eye-catching style. If I had to describe it, his wardrobe is a cross between hipster and surfer dude. A big reason for this is because of his physique. It’s that simple. Obviously, the guy takes care of himself and it shows. In this way, he applies many of the [concepts handsome men do](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) in order to achieve and maintain his look. This is a big deal for Efron because, in his life, he’s worked through several hurdles, including addiction. I hope you found this style guide to be useful in getting your Zac on. Thanks for stopping by! **Related Posts:** [Nick Jonas Style Guide](https://guycounseling.com/nick-jonas-style/) [Thor’s beard (Chris Hemsworth) style guide](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) [Best men’s face moisturizers](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Men's Style **Tags:** Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Skin Care, Skin Care Routine, Zac Efron --- ### [A LOT of People Are Cheating on Tinder, According to Science](https://guycounseling.com/cheating-tinder-920/) **Published:** September 20, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cheating tinder users](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/dating-apps.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Study reveals new insight on dating app cheaters** Are you in a mutually exclusive relationship? Do you ever wonder if the person you are with is still using the dating apps, “looking” around for someone new? Have you chalked your suspicions up to silly paranoia? Well, a recent study published in *[Computers and Human Behavior](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563218303625)* suggests your concerns aren’t as crazy as you might think. That’s because the results revealed **18-25%** of users who are on Tinder and similar apps also happen to be in committed relationships. That’s a lot of people, don’t you think? ## The Study Investigators surveyed 1,486 Tinder users about their motives for using the app, along with their experiences. More than 300 participants (22.4%) admitted to tapping on Tinder, even though they were in an exclusive relationship. FYI: 59.5% were female and 40.5% were male. **Related:** [Should I take back my cheating girlfriend?](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/) A little more than half of the participants who were in exclusive relationships revealed going on Tinder with the goal of meeting someone new. So, were the non-single Tinder users swiping to jack up their egos or were they getting something more? According to the results of the study, here is the breakdown: **Non-Single Tinder Users** - 3% indicated they had frenched kissed one or more people they had met on the app. - 5% revealed they had one or more “one-night stands” with another app user. - 3% of respondents indicated they have had “casual-sexual relationships” \[aka no strings attached\]. - 2% used the app for making new friends. - 60% had one or more romantic relationships via Tinder \[while already agreeing to be exclusive to one person\]. Guy Counseling was curious about the findings of this study and spoke to [Frank Moore](https://goo.gl/msaSvC), a licensed psychotherapist in Chicago who works with individuals and couples. “Dating has become so much like shopping, similar Amazon, that people have become conditioned to continually look for attention, and affection – electronically. It’s also somewhat addictive because so many of these dating apps act as tools for instant validation.” **Related:** [Can you love two at once?](https://guycounseling.com/love-two-people-same-time/) Obviously, there are limitations to the study. These include not knowing how long participants were in their respective exclusive relationships and inherent problems that go along with defining infidelity. Still, the study does help to shed light on the behaviors of some dating app users. The research, “Why are you cheating on tinder? Exploring users’ motives and (dark) personality traits“, was led by Elisabeth Timmermans with Elien De Caluwé, and Cassandra Alexopoulos as coauthors. **Are you in a committed relationship and on a dating app? What’s your motivation?** **Categories:** News, Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Dating Apps, Tinder --- ### [What To Do When Passed Over for a Promotion](https://guycounseling.com/passed-over-promotion/) **Published:** September 19, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive man passed over for a promotion ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-suit.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Didn’t get promoted? ## Didn’t get the promotion? Here’s how to deal with it. So, you busted your butt trying to prove to your manager that indeed, you are a valuable employee. You probably were eager to put in your best effort to earn that promotion you badly wanted. Maybe you even worked on weekends to get ahead and gave up personal time, hoping to make a good impression. However, despite all your hard work, you didn’t get the promotion you thought you deserved. Your boss gave it to someone else whom they deemed a better fit. Now, you are feeling confused and maybe even a little resentful. Sound familiar? If so, welcome to the club. The realization that you aren’t getting promoted can really suck – bad. In fact, it can cause you to [become downright depressed](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/). Some people get so disgusted that they are tempted to quit right on the spot. Right now, you might be furious at your manager and believe that your company doesn’t appreciate all that you’ve done for them. Here’s the thing – it’s OK to feel pissed off right now. Trying to pretend you aren’t upset only minimizes what happened and glosses over the harsh truth of the moment. That said, **now isn’t the time act unprofessionally**. Not only will this backfire, but it can also screw you out of potential new opportunities in the future. That may not be what you want to hear right now but I’m just being real with you. **Related:** [Best “Why do you want to change jobs” responses in interviews](https://guycounseling.com/change-jobs-interview-questions/) If possible, get up and take a walk. Breathe deeply and try to focus your attention on this very moment in time. Once you are in a calmer place, read the following tips on what to do when passed up for a promotion: - **Use your energy productively.** You are probably feeling all sorts of things, such as anger, resentment, jealousy, and so on. Don’t just dwell on this negative energy and let it consume you. Use it productively. Work on something you need to improve. Take on new projects. Hit the gym after work. Channel your emotions into something that will ultimately benefit you. - **Learn from your mistakes.**Did you get passed over because of something you can quickly improve? Perhaps you were late to work \[too often\] or didn’t take the initiative as much as you should have. Whatever the reason may be, use this event as a learning opportunity. Find out the areas that you need to work on and start making changes. Obsessing about the past won’t help you. The only thing you can do it move forward. - **Get feedback.**It’s time to do some research. Ask your manager about their decisions. Was it something you said? Did the other person just perform better than you? Do you need to develop a skill? It certainly helps to have that sense of closure. It’s going to be a difficult discussion, but you must have this conversation if you ever aim to find out why you didn’t get promoted. - **Don’t be petty.**Office politics are always tough. Don’t make things worse by acting petty towards the coworker who got the promotion that you didn’t. You’ll only make yourself look small, and it will backfire on you in the end. Be the bigger person and congratulate your coworker for all their hard work. If you can, try to learn from their actions and find out what made them a star in your manager’s eyes. - **Realize that there may be other reasons you didn’t get it.**It’s easy to beat yourself up over a missed promotion. You might start thinking of all sorts of negative reasons to worry over. Maybe you think that you aren’t talented, hard-working, punctual, or outgoing enough. However, the reasons behind hiring often go much deeper. Some people get hired just because they have a better relationship with their manager or people on their manager’s team. The reasons can sometimes be petty or even ridiculous; it could be something as little as the time you spelled something wrong in an email.  Do you really want to drive yourself nuts trying to figure out the minutia? - **Decide where to go from here.**It’s time to stop worrying about the past and to start looking towards the future. What’s next for you? Will you stick it out and hope that your manager notices your talent? Will you seek to improve your performance? Will you look for another job? Determine which path works best for your career and go with it. Remember that being passed up isn’t the end of the world. In fact, not getting promoted can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. ## **Wrap Up** I recognize some of the suggestions mentioned here may seem simplistic. Can I level with you? They totally are. A lot of what I’ve shared is based on common sense, coupled with experience. The problem is that when we are upset, “common sense” often gets tossed out the window. More than anything else, think of this as a learning opportunity. Don’t jeopardize your current financial stability or income stream in a moment of anger. Keep it professional and recognize that like everything else in life, this too will pass. **Categories:** Career, Field Notes **Tags:** Interview, Job, promotion --- ### [10 Common Excuses for Not Working Out!](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/) **Published:** November 19, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![Excuses for not working out](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/excuses-for-not-working-out.jpg?resize=600%2C398&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/excuses-for-not-working-out.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Excuses for Not Making it To the Gym**  **Working out** is one of the most important steps that you can take to help lead the type of healthy lifestyle you so desperately need. Not only does working out help you lose weight and keep those pounds off, but it can also have a wide variety of other [health-related benefits](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091743501909090) like decreasing your chance at getting diagnosed with certain serious conditions like heart disease or diabetes. Despite the fact that it has long been proven how important working out really is, there are still a number of common excuses people use to forgo the gym altogether. My hope is that by reading what appears here, you will find new [motivation to hit the gym](https://guycounseling.com/10-gym-motivation-tips/).  By understanding these 10 common excuses for not working out, you put yourself in a better position to work through them towards success. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! **![gym motivation excuses ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=300%2C225&ssl=1)1. I Don’t Have Time** Perhaps the most common excuse for not working out is that you don’t have time. This depends on the idea that working out and going to the gym must be done together, which is false. There are a variety of different exercises that you can do in nearly every location, including while sitting at your desk. [Building muscular strength](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/) is a key component to wellness. **2. I’m Far Too Tired** Another common excuse that people use has to do with the fact that they think they’re too tired to work out. In reality, working out is a great, natural way to boost your overall [energy levels](http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=382128) throughout the day. Another benefit of working out is that you help to keep your mood elevated and prevent things like [depression](http://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/11/10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know/). **3. Working Out Isn’t Interesting Enough** People seem to be under the mistaken impression that exercising is far too boring to be worthwhile. In reality, the fact that you can take your smartphone, tablet or other devices with you to the gym so that you can listen to music, read books or even watch movies proves this to be false. **4. I Have Kids** Many people assume that they’ll never have the time to work out because they’re watching their young children all day long. Instead, you can take your kids with you to the gym and turn working out into a family experience. **5. I’m Afraid to Work Out** Some people don’t want to go to the gym because they’re afraid. Maybe they’re afraid of physically committing to such activities or they think they’ll be ridiculed because they aren’t as fit as everyone else. In reality, the gym is a very positive environment that absolutely should not be feared. Yes, gym accidents can happen but they are also very preventable. **6. Exercising Doesn’t Work** Some people are under the mistaken impression that working out only works for certain type of people. Maybe they’ve tried to walk on the treadmill once a week in the past, didn’t see immediate results and gave up altogether. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was a successful weight loss plan. Work out the right way to see the types of results that you’re after. **7. I Don’t Like the Gym Near My Home/Office/School** Some people don’t go to the gym because they don’t think they have a worthwhile gym in their area. Even if you can’t purchase your own exercise equipment to use from the comfort of your own home, there are a variety of worthwhile exercises that you can do right at home with little to no pieces of equipment required. That’s what many celebrities do to maintain their physiques. **8. Working Out is For the Young** Older people are under the mistaken impression that working out is a “young person’s game.” In reality, working out when you hit your 50s and 60s is more important than ever. What you may not know is that strength training is one of the most powerful, [natural approaches to anti-aging on the planet](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/). **9. I Don’t Want to Go By Myself** Some people assume that the gym needs to be a communal experience and if they can’t find a “gym buddy” they won’t go at all. The gym is actually a great place to meet new people and set up the type of support system that you can depend on. Your first goal should be to pick a smart workout plan and then move about the business of making it happen. You will meet workout buddies in no time once you get started. **10. My body type isn’t right for working out** Many people use this as an excuse to avoid hitting the weights. In truth, anyone can benefit from strength training. Knowing what your body type is and then creating a plan around the type of physique is a smart way to increase your muscular size, lose weight and become more attractive. ## **Final Thoughts** It is easy to buy into excuses for not working out. And let’s face it – there are going to be days that you are just not feeling like hitting the weights, particularly when you are not feeling well. Still, you should try to engage in mindful workouts at least several times a week. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1118940741&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1118940741/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1118940741&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=2FZO3IKD7M42UWYH)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1118940741) If you are looking for motivation to kick-start your workouts or are new to the gym, one great book to consider is **[Weight Training for Dummies](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1118940741/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1118940741&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=GG3BZZ6X4NMFNREG%22%3eWeight%20Training%20For%20Dummies%20(For%20Dummies%20(Sports%20&%20Hobbies))%3c/a%3e%3cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1118940741)**. Inside, you will find page after page of useful, practical information on how to create your own body building program using easy to understand concepts. I hope you found this post helpful. Thanks for visiting **Guy Counseling**. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** excuses for not working out --- ### [Science Explains Why You Can’t Get Off the Couch to Exercise](https://guycounseling.com/science-exercise-couch-919/) **Published:** September 19, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man watching tv on couch](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-watching-tv.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: There may be more to missing workouts than just being lazy Do regularly skip the gym? Do you fight with yourself to get off the couch and exercise? Are you making payments to a health club that you barely visit? If the answer is yes, you aren’t alone. Something like 67% of all gym memberships go unused, according to a published report in [USA Today](https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2016/04/27/your-gym-membership-good-investment/82758866/). The question is – *why?* Is it simply a case of laziness, mixed in with a lack of motivation? Or, is something else going on that’s hardwired into your brain? Well, if you believe a recent study published in the journal [Neuropsychologia](https://www.journals.elsevier.com/neuropsychologia), there may be a scientific reason you resist doing squats or running on the treadmill. **It’s called the physical activity paradox (PAP).** You may be wondering what that means? Essentially, PAP is a ten-dollar term used to describe the dynamic where one half of your brain wants to exercise, and the other half wants to chill. Per the study, that part of you who wants to chill is being influenced by evolution. Yep, I’m talking Darwinian stuff here linked to prehistoric man. Now continue geeking out with me for a minute, OK? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/hgvpNO4yc7GBq/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Researchers studied 29 people who indicated they wanted to be more physically active but never quite made it a reality. While being connected to a device that measures brain activity, each person was asked to complete a [manikin task](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/247515071_Comparing_measures_of_approach-avoidance_behaviour_The_manikin_task_vs_two_versions_of_the_joystick_task), which is a fancy way of saying they were given joysticks that allowed them to move towards or away a displayed object. In this case, participants were shown a number of images. Some contained pictures of people being physically active. Others had photos of people being sedentary. So, what did they discover? According to lead researcher Boris Cheval, “We observed that the electrical activity associated with two brain zones in particular, the frontal-medial cortex and the frontal-central cortex, was much higher when the participant had to choose the sedentary option.” FYI: The two areas of the brain Cheval is talking about are concerned with logical decision making and survival. And as it turns out, they constantly battle one another. He continues: “This means the brain has to use much more resources to move away from sedentary behavior, rather than follow its natural penchant for minimizing effort.” Translation: Your brain is hardwired, through years of evolution, to conserve as much energy as possible. It gravitates \[at least initially\] towards staying still. “Making as little effort as possible was crucial for the human species during evolution”, said Cheval in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-09/udg-wtb091818.php). The windup is simply this \[going purely by the study\]. When you are confronted with the choice between working out versus sitting on the couch, your brain is predisposed to the later. Think of this as your inner-caveman, tugging at you from prehistoric times. Does this mean you shouldn’t exercise? That’s not what the study suggests. But it does provide a theoretical basis for why you aren’t getting to the gym. Need some motivation to overcome your gym-skipping ways? Check out this post on how missing workouts can [kill your mood](https://guycounseling.com/stopping-exercise-depression-324/). **Related:** [10 big reasons you lose muscle mass](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) [The right way to do concentration curls](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/) **Categories:** News, Science **Tags:** Exercise, gym, motivation, Physical Activity, research --- ### ["1-Million" Men's Cologne by Paco Rabanne – Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/paco-rabanne-1-million-review/) **Published:** September 17, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![paco rabbane 1 million pure cologne review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/bottles-of-cologne.jpg?resize=625%2C573&ssl=1) ## Review of Paco Rabanne 1-Million Cologne Are you looking for a straightforward, honest review of the cologne “1 Million” by Paco Rabbane? Hoping to gain insight into how this fragrance smells? Trying to figure out if you should buy a bottle? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Around a year ago, I purchased a 3.04 fluid ounce bottle of “1-Million” while vacationing out west. Given the amount of time that has passed while using this men’s fragrance, I thought I’d share my impressions with you here on the blog. But before getting too far into things, here’s a little background information. For starters, I’m the type of guy who typically gravitates towards woody, warm scents. It’s not that I don’t like other types of men’s fragrances, like the citrus blends. I do. But more often than not, I reach for colognes that vibe out woody. Second, you need to know that I am not getting any money for authoring this review. That means nothing from the folks who make 1-Million and nothing through an affiliate. Now that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the central question: **Is 1-Million by Paco Rabanne worth the money?** In the year that I have been using this cologne, all I can tell you is that I’ve been very happy. Let me share some personal observations (good and bad). ## 1-Million Cologne Pros - Vibes out a rich, masculine scent - Contains hints of wood and leather. - Not overpowering - A little bit goes a long way - Can be worn in formal and informal settings - Spray distributes evenly - The bottle is super cool ![one million cologne review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/1-million.jpg?resize=470%2C371&ssl=1)Bottle is cool ## 1-Million Cologne Cons You are probably wondering what I don’t like about this cologne? Well, I can’t say there is a whole lot. But if you pressed me on it, I guess the one knock I have is the quantity. You see, with this product, 3.04 fluid ounces **lasts a long time**. That’s because 1-million is a true “perfume”. In other words, it’s not [an aftershave](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/) or Eau de Toilette. You may be wondering why it matters? The quick answer is simply this: it does. That’s because fragrances are **all about the oil concentration** inside the bottle. The higher the amount of oil, the longer the scent lasts. If you want to learn more about the science of fragrances, check out this page that explores [the best smelling men’s colognes](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/). So, I guess what I am saying here is that it can take forever to go through a bottle of 1-Million. Even if you use it a few times a week over a one-year period, you probably won’t go through the whole thing. For example, I still have nearly half a bottle left and I’ve been wearing it (approximately) twice-weekly. I’m mentioning this because as time goes on, a fragrance can lose its potency. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. That said, there are things you can do to [make your cologne last longer](https://guycounseling.com/cologne-last-longer-hacks/). ## One Million – Good deal? At any rate, that’s really my only gripe about 1-Million. The national retail price for the 3.04 fluid ounce bottle is approximately $59.00 USD. Speaking only for myself, I must say that I’ve had positive experiences. Nobody has ever told me the cologne is overpowering or “smells bad”. In fact, just the opposite is true. Friends and family have shared with me in private that they like the scent and its subtle tones. Granted, I only use one spray-pump because you don’t need more than that. I realize there are other reviews online that suggest this cologne is overpriced and that the scent isn’t that great. Obviously, I respect the opinions of others and their experiences. That said, I can share with you that I’m a big fan of this men’s fragrance and will likely buy again. I’m giving it 5-stars. Do you own a bottle of Paco Rabanne 1-Million? If so, what has been your experience? Do you dig it? **Related posts:** [Review of Outlaw “The Gambler” Body Wash Soap](https://guycounseling.com/outlaw-soaps-gambler-review/) [How to get the rugged look for men](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News **Tags:** 1- Million, Cologne, Fragrance, Scent --- ### [Tom Hardy: A Closer Look at a Gifted Actor](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-facts/) **Published:** September 16, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![tom hardy facts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/tom-hardy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Tom Hardy Facts with background information He’s got one of the most stylish beards in Hollywood and he’s known for tackling physically demanding roles. British-born actor [Tom Hardy](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0362766/) is not only a style icon, but he’s also a classically-trained actor. As a youth he studied at the Richmond Drama School and the prestigious Drama Centre of London. He’s married to British actress Charlotte Riley and they have a child together. Hardy also has a son by his former partner Rachel Speed. Some of his most noteworthy roles involved physical transformations. Tom Hardy received a British Independent Film Award as Best Actor for his role as a violent prisoner in *Bronson* (2008). He played an all-too-believable MMA fighter in *Warrior* (2011). Although he didn’t get much facetime, Hardy played the bone-crushing supervillain Bane in *The Dark Knight Rises* (2012). He wowed audiences with his role in *Mad Max: Fury Road* (2015) with Charlize Theron. He was also nominated for Best Supporting Actor by the Academy of Motion Pictures for his role opposite Leonardo DiCaprio in *Revenant* (2015). Now, he’s ready to enter the Marvel universe with his upcoming role as mild-mannered journalist turned ooze-spitting anti-hero *Venom* (2018). [Read about the Venom workout in this post](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-venom-workout-routine/). Tom Hardy’s mesmerizing eyes and chiseled features can come off as dark and mysterious. Yet, there’s a sophisticated and nuanced man underneath. Here are 10 Facts that you need to know about Tom Hardy. ## Guy File: Tom Hardy Birthday: September 15th, 1977 Birthplace: London, United Kingdom [Zodiac Sign: A Virgo man](https://guycounseling.com/virgo-man-love-relationships/) Height: 5 ft. 9 in. [Eye Color: Blue Green](https://guycounseling.com/blue-green-eyes-learn-rare-color/) https://www.instagram.com/p/BehLOWBBY5G/?hl=en&taken-by=tomhardy ## 1. He’s Been Honored by The Queen of England Tom Hardy is a Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire or CBE. It’s an honour that is bestowed upon noteworthy individuals by the Queen of England herself. The prestigious award is for his contributions to drama, but Hardy is no stranger to benevolence. He is also an ambassador for the Prince’s Trust, a charity that focuses on at risk youths. ## 2. He’s Very Close with His Father Tom Hardy is the son of novelist and comedy writer Edward “Chip” Hardy. Tom has worked closely with his father over the years. In 2006, Tom directed “Blue on Blue” a play written by his father. He also co-created the British television series “Taboo” with his father and booked some screen time on the show, as well. ## 3. He’s Struggled with Addiction Tom Hardy struggled with drugs, alcohol and addiction during his youth and early professional life. He once told an interviewer with Yahoo New Zealand that he would have “sold his mother for crack” during the worst periods of his addiction. Tom Hardy even attributes his problems with cocaine to the divorce of his first wife Sarah Ward. He went into rehab after the split and has been clean and sober ever since. https://www.instagram.com/p/BegWSRwhWSv/?hl=en&taken-by=tomhardy ## 4. He Was First Discovered as A Model Tom Hardy didn’t begin his professional career as an actor. In fact, he was a contracted model with the UK agency, Model One. He won the contract by entering a modeling contest in 1998. He was chosen from hundreds of applicants by judges for the UK television program *The Big Breakfast*. Hardy’s modeling days were short-lived though. In 2001, he landed his first acting role on the super hit HBO mini-series *Band of Brothers*. ## 5. He’s an Accomplished Stage Actor Tom Hardy is certainly lighting up the silver screen since his role in *Inception* (2010), but he’s also an accomplished theater performer, as well. In 2003, Tom played a New York crackhead in the West End production of *In Arabia We’d All Be Kings*. He was nominated for the Laurence Olivier Most Promising Newcomer Award and won the Outstanding Newcomer Theatre Award from the London Evening Standard. Other standout theater roles for Hardy include *The Man of Mode*, *Blood*, and *The Long Red Road* in 2010. ## 6. He’s Not an Academic Tom Hardy attended school in England, but never finished his studies. He was expelled from the Reeds School for theft. Then, he went on to pursue acting at the Richmond Drama School. Hardy was expelled from that school for unspecified behavioral reasons, but later enrolled in the Drama Center of London. Before he could complete his tenure there, Tom Hardy was enlisted to work on the [HBO series *Band of Brothers*](https://amzn.to/2xnAsDD). https://www.instagram.com/p/BfOGHQZhWxD/?hl=en&taken-by=tomhardy ## 7. He Has Lots of Tattoos Tom Hardy got his first tattoo when he was just fifteen years old. It was a leprechaun in honor of his [Irish heritage](https://guycounseling.com/top-irish-sayings-proverbs/). Since then, he’s been getting new ink to deal with painful periods of his life and to commemorate his professional career. Black and grey seems to be his preferred medium. He has a dragon tattoo because his ex-wife Sarah Ward was born in the year of the dragon. Ironically, he had his ex-wife’s initials covered up while on the set of his first theater role for *In Arabia We’d All Be Kings.* Speaking of cover-ups, all of Tom Hardy’s tattoos were digitally removed for his role as Bane in *Dark Knight Rises.* ## 8. He Can Be Difficult to Work With Tom Hardy has had a few backstage blowouts during his professional career. The most interesting one occurred between Tom Hardy and Shia LaBeouf during the filming of *Lawless* (2012). By Tom Hardy’s playful account Shia actually knocked him out cold, but that is unconfirmed. Eyewitnesses say that the two were separated before any blows were thrown. Tom Hardy and [Charlize Theron](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000234/) were at odds during the filming of *Mad Max Fury Road*, as well. Tom Hardy was compelled to apologize to her and the film’s director for his unsavory behavior. ## 9. He’s a Real-Life Superhero In April of 2017, Tom Hardy “switched to super hero mode” and chased down a moped thief in southwest London. He was out for a stroll one evening and pursued a moped thief on foot after the criminal crashed into a Mercedes-Benz and ran through a neighborhood. Witnesses were stunned to see the Hollywood actor leaping over fences and grabbing the suspect by the scruff of the neck. Tom Hardy patted the man down for hidden weapons, took his ID and held him in custody until the police arrived. In other words, he [got all Charles Bronson](https://guycounseling.com/charles-bronson-facts/). https://www.instagram.com/p/Be0PNvxBSgD/?hl=en&taken-by=tomhardy ## 10. He Loves Dogs Tom Hardy’s first pet K-9 was named Mad Max, but the pooch tragically died just before Tom Hardy accepted the role to play Mad Max in the Hollywood film. He was so close with Max that he often took him to school. *I wouldn’t go to class unless Max was allowed in,” recalls Tom.* He owns two rescue dogs and regularly visits the local animal shelter. Tom also appeared in an ad campaign for PETA to drive up adoption awareness for dogs. ## Bonus: Tom Hardy Info https://www.instagram.com/p/Biv2Xc4nWDY/?hl=en&taken-by=tomhardy ## Workouts Tom Hardy is no stranger to the gym. For the role of inmate Charles Bronson, Tom did 2,500 press-ups every single day. He played a lean, mean MMA fighter in *Warrior* and a post-apocalyptic badass in *Mad Max Fury Road*. Yet, he reached massive size and bulk with his role as Bane in *The Dark Knight Rises*. In addition to his regular workout, Hardy put on an extra 30 pounds of [muscle mass](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/). Tom Hardy works extensively with Patrick “P-Nut” Monroe, his training coach. A large focus for Hardy’s training is functional strength and muscle confusion. He works out four to five times a day on a variety of movements. For his upcoming role in *Venom*, Tom Hardy rigorously trained with MMA fighter Nathan Jones. There are lots of fight scenes in the *Venom* film so Hardy trained in jiu-jitsu, muay thai and boxing. ## Tom Hardy Grooming Routine Hardy’s style is both rugged and refined. He is one of the few men who can effortlessly switch between the two. He looks dashing on the red carpet in an all-black tuxedo, but he can also [rock the T-shirt and jeans](https://guycounseling.com/t-shirt-jeans-men/) motif while lounging courtside at a Lakers’ game. Tom Hardy’s early career showcased his smooth-faced guise, but lately Tom Hardy is often seen with a full beard. He has some of the most well-recognized facial hair in Hollywood. It’s very likely he uses a face moisturizer with SPH and a good beard oil and conditioner. His beard game can be quite deceptive at times because even when it looks due for a trim, his facial hair never looks scraggly or dry. No doubt, he probably practices a [good men’s skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). He’s worn lots of different haircuts over the years from a textured buzz cut to the slicked back gentleman’s cut. He tends to keep the sides of his hair cropped short and in his latest film *Venom* Hardy has a long side-swept coif on top. ## Summing Things Up Tom Hardy proves that you can have a checkered past and still come out on top. He’s been in trouble with the law, kicked out of school, addicted to drugs, but still he’s made his way to the pinnacle of Hollywood success. He’s worked with notable directors such as Ridley Scott and Christopher Nolan. He’s shared the screen with A-List actors like Leonardo DiCaprio and Charlize Theron. Tom Hardy maxes out on style points every time he graces the red carpet, but still hits all the right notes in just a T-shirt and jeans. Tom Hardy’s future is one to watch, and his journey is one to learn from. ### You Might Also Dig: [Quick facts on Ryan Phillippe](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-facts/) [How to style your beard like Thor (Chris Hemsworth)](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/) [Why Theodore Roosevelt was amazing!](https://guycounseling.com/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Files **Tags:** Actors, Facts, Tom Hardy --- ### [Tom Hardy Venom Workout Routine](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-venom-workout-routine/) **Published:** September 17, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![tom h](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/tom-h.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Tom Hardy – Venom Workout Revealed** Tom Hardy is one of the most immersive actors in Hollywood. In fact, he trains like an athlete to fully embody his characters and bring new dimensions to his onscreen performances. You might recall how massive [Tom Hardy](https://guycounseling.com/tom-hardy-facts/) got for his role as Bane in *The Dark Knight Rises* (2012) or how lean and shredded Hardy looked in *Mad Max: Fury Road* (2015). Now, he’s back in the October 2018 release of Marvel’s Venom. In this Spiderman spin-off, Tom Hardy plays Eddie Brock. He’s a journalist turned monstrous anti-hero with all the web-slinging abilities of Spiderman and none of the moral compass. In the second trailer, Tom Hardy looks like he can physically take on a whole army. That’s not a coincidence because Tom Hardy is well-known for taking on physical roles like the MMA fighter he played in the movie *Warrior* (2011). [See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Noymys) to check out this film. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/bpCdTERtKc0bS/giphy.gif?resize=274%2C308&ssl=1) For Venom, Tom Hardy hit the gym hard, training five days a week with MMA fighter Nathan Jones. He worked on traditional boxing, jiu-jitsu and kickboxing along with Jones and trainer Mark Mene. Boxing and MMA style workouts are great for burning a ton of calories and producing real world functional strength through muscle confusion and repetition. You might not have access to an MMA training facility or even a sparring partner. That’s okay. This workout is designed for anyone with a basic gym membership and can be done all by yourself. This isn’t Tom Hardy’s exact training regimen. This is a Venom-inspired workout routine that will provide similar aesthetic and capability for Tom Hardy’s role in the Venom movie. Below is a video from Youtube that gives you a visual of Hardy’s exercise routine. You’ll also find a 7-day exercise plan below. ## USE THIS WORKOUT PLAN TO TAP INTO YOUR OWN PERSONAL VENOM **Skill Level: Intermediate** Duration: 5 Days a Week. 60 to 90 minute workouts Equipment Needed: Heavy Bag. Jump Rope. Dumbbells. Cables. Row Machine. Barbell. Medicine Ball. Double-end speed ball. Speed bag. ![tom hardy workout venom](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-exercising-work-bench.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Lift heavy ### **Venom Workout Day 1 – Heavy Lifting (Upper Body)** Warm-up with 2 minutes of jump rope (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Then, hit the row machine for 2 minutes (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Perform the standard push-up to exhaustion. 2 sets. Next, move on to the cable cross. Use heavy weights and 6 to 8 repetitions. Do 3 sets with 60 second rest between sets. Your next exercise is the cable face pull. Use heavy weights and 6 to 8 repetitions. 3 sets with 60 second rest periods between sets. **Related:** [Learn about plyometric exercises](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) Then, move on to the bench and perform 3 sets of inclined barbell presses. Use heavy weights and 6 to 8 repetitions. Be sure to rest at least 1 minute between sets. Change out your weights and perform 3 sets of the barbell preacher curl. Finish up with 3 sets of the bent over barbell row. Again, use heavy weights and 6 to 8 repetitions with 60 second rests between sets. Finish the day with a set of pull-ups to exhaustion. ### **Venom Workout Day 2 – Rest Day** On your rest day, be sure to consume lots of quality carbohydrates and proteins. You might also consider using protein supplements during this time. Remember – rest day is a growth day and it prepares you for the next workout. ![male sexual assault](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/boxer.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "hardy workout")Jab and punch ### **Venom Workout Day 3 – MMA Day** Warm-up with 2 minutes of jump rope (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Then, do 2 minutes of jumping bodyweight lunges. Then, jog in place or run for a sustained period of 10 minutes. Now, do twisting curls while holding a medicine ball. Try to do at least 60 seconds of sustained movement or exhaustion whichever comes first. Then, move straight on to medicine ball slams. Go for 10 slams of the medicine ball within a 90 second period. Perform 3 sets of this circuit with at least 90 seconds of rest in between sets. Now, it’s time to hit the heavy bag. Start with kicks and perform 20 to 25 low kicks. Alternate legs each kick. Take a 90 second rest. Then, perform 20 to 25 medium range straight kicks on the heavy bag. Alternate legs with each kick. Rest and repeat this set with medium range side kicks. After the rest period, move on to high kicks. Perform 20 to 25 repetitions while alternating your left and right legs. Now, you’re going to do a similar circuit with your punches. Start with the basic straight jab. Then, do your crosses and your body blows. Move on to elbow and knee strikes, as well. Take a good 2 to 3 minute rest period now. **Don’t forget to hydrate as needed**. Now, it’s time to put together some combinations. Try to do around 10 repetitions of each full combination. Just try to have fun. You can start with a low kick, jab, jab, right cross combo and move on from there. The goal is to steadily increase your strike combinations. Eventually, you’ll wind up with combinations that will have 10 or more strikes in them. Take another 2 to 3 minute rest period and hydrate. Now, finish up with 60 seconds of jumping rope followed by 2 minutes with the double-ended dodge ball. Do 2 sets of this for your cool down. ![hard leg workout](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/body-builder-legs.jpg?resize=650%2C360&ssl=1)leg day ### **Venom Workout Day 4 – Cardio and Leg Day** Warm-up with 2 minutes of jump rope (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Then, hit the row machine for 2 minutes (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Perform 2 minutes of jumping bodyweight lunges. Start with leg presses. Use medium weights for 10 to 15 repetitions. Perform 3 sets of this exercise with at least 90 seconds of rest between sets. Move on to leg curls. Again, use medium weights for 10 to 15 repetitions. Do 3 sets with 90 second rest periods between sets. Your next exercise is the barbell front squat. **Related:** [Learn the best leg exercises for building mass](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/) Use medium weights for 10 to 15 repetitions and 3 sets. Now, perform 3 sets of seated calf raises. If your gym doesn’t have this machine, then you can hold a weighted plate and perform standing calf raises. Do this exercise until exhaustion for 2 sets. Take a 3 to 5 minute rest now. Don’t forget to hydrate between your exercises. Now, head back over to that row machine and bang out another 2 minutes. Do 2 sets with a 60 second rest period in between. You’re not done yet. Head over to the treadmill and perform a 10 minute sustained run at medium speed. Then, run at high speed for about 2 minutes. Do this treadmill circuit twice. ![plyometric-exercises-strength-and-power](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/plyometric-exercises-strength-and-power.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)Make sure you do your push-ups ### **Venom Workout Day 5 – Cardio and Upper Body** Warm-up with 2 minutes of jump rope (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Then, hit the row machine for 2 minutes (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Perform the standard push-up to exhaustion. 2 sets. Let’s start with some bodyweight exercises. Perform 10 to 15 repetitions of the standard pull-up (overhand grip). Rest for 60 seconds and then perform 10 to 15 repetitions of the standard chin-up (underhand grip). Rest for 60 seconds and then perform 10 to 15 repetitions of the standard push-up. Rest again and then perform 10 to 15 repetitions of the diamond-hand push-up. Now, perform 20 to 25 raised leg crunches with scissor switches at the bottom of each repetition. Take a 2 to 3 minute break. Hydrate. Then, repeat this bodyweight circuit again. Do this circuit three times. **Related:** [10 reasons your muscles are shrinking](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) Now, move on to 3 sets of the dumbbell preacher curl. Use medium weights and perform 10 to 15 repetitions. Rest for 60 to 90 seconds between sets. Your next exercise is the dumbbell triceps extension. Use medium to light weights and perform 10 to 15 repetitions. Do 3 sets. Now do 3 sets of the dumbbell bench press. Use medium weights and perform 10 to 15 repetitions. On the last set use slow negatives. Finish your workout with the speed bag. Punch the speed bag for a sustained period of 2 minutes. Nothing fancy, just try to make contact on every punch. Perform this routine at least twice. ### **Venom Workout Day 6 – Rest Day** On this rest day, your body should feel exceptionally sore. If not, then you should add a set or some extra repetitions to each one of your previous exercises from day 4 and day 5. Be sure to eat good carbohydrates and proteins for muscle regrowth. You might also benefit from some massage therapy and stretching exercises throughout the day. ### **Venom Workout Day 7 – MMA Day** ![plyometric jump squat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/squat_jump_plyometrics.jpg?resize=650%2C366&ssl=1)Jump Warm-up with 2 minutes of jump rope (2 sets) with 60 second rest between sets. Then, do 2 minutes of jumping bodyweight lunges. Then, jog in place or run for a sustained period of 10 minutes. Now, do twisting curls while holding a medicine ball. Try to do at least 60 seconds of sustained movement or exhaustion whichever comes first. Then, move straight on to medicine ball slams. Go for 10 slams of the medicine ball within a 90 second period. Perform 3 sets of this circuit with at least 90 seconds of rest in between sets. Now, it’s time to hit the heavy bag. Start with kicks and perform 20 to 25 low kicks. Alternate legs each kick. Take a 90 second rest. Then, perform 20 to 25 medium range straight kicks on the heavy bag. Alternate legs with each kick. Rest and repeat this set with medium range side kicks. After the rest period, move on to high kicks. Perform 20 to 25 repetitions while alternating your left and right legs. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/dgeK9B00Jd7Z4te1MV/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Now, you’re going to do a similar circuit with your punches. Start with the basic straight jab. Then, do your crosses and your body blows. Move on to elbow and knee strikes, as well. Take a good 2 to 3 minute rest period now. Don’t forget to hydrate as needed. Now, it’s time to put together some combinations. Try to do around 10 repetitions of each full combination. Just try to have fun. You can start with a low kick, jab, jab, right cross combo and move on from there. The goal is to steadily increase your strike combinations. Eventually, you’ll wind up with combinations that will have 10 or more strikes in them. Take another 2 to 3 minute rest period and hydrate. Now, finish up with 60 seconds of jumping rope followed by 2 minutes with the double-ended dodge ball. Do 2 sets of this for your cool down. Main Photo: Photo:’Warrior’/Lionsgate) **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Exercise, Fitness, Tom Hardy, workout --- ### [Science Says Many Men Prefer Women Who Are Attracted to Other Women](https://guycounseling.com/men-attracted-women-study-917/) **Published:** September 17, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![men women attraction kissing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/kissing.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Men are into women who dig other women** ## SHORT VERSION A new study suggests a substantial number of men prefer women who are occasionally into other females. ## LONG VERSION It’s no secret that many men harbor fantasies of getting it on with two women at once. In fact, it’s the story line behind many adult-themed videos. It also happens to be a topic that is not often talked in public because of social taboos. That’s why a new study appearing in [Personality and Individual Differences](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886918303842?via%3Dihub) is so fascinating. According to the research, men substantially prefer women who are occasionally attracted to other women. The investigation, which involved 949 participants from China and another 305 people from the United Kingdom revealed that a large number of guys preferred a mate who was attracted to both sexes. **Related:** [Women prefer well-built men](https://guycounseling.com/women-prefer-built-men-study-12152/) One of the study’s authors, Menelaos Apostolou of the University of Nicosia, said the following: “I am an evolutionary psychologist and same-sex attraction constitutes a major puzzle that remains to be solved by evolutionary-minded scholars.” So, what did this line of research reveal? Well, going by the data, one if four Chinese men who identified as heterosexual and two in three men in the UK who also identified as heterosexual said they preferred female partners who were not exclusively attracted to men. ![couple dating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-dating.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Human sexuality and attraction Women who were attracted to both sexes equally or women who gravitated more towards women were less desirable. “Across different cultures, there are many heterosexual men who find same-sex attractions in women desirable,” Apostolou said. And what about the women who took part in this study? Do they like guys who are attracted to other men? According to the data, the answer is – not as much. The men who took part in this research were 6.49 times more likely than women to prefer a partner who was attracted to both sexes. In talking about limitations of this investigation, Apostolou made the following observations in an interview with [PsyPost](https://www.psypost.org/2018/09/a-substantial-proportion-of-men-prefer-women-who-are-attracted-to-other-women-52164): “It is relatively safe to say that there is a sex difference: Men find same-sex attraction in women much more desirable than women find same-sex attraction in men.” Guy Counseling [spoke to](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/bill-farrand-chicago-il/205779) licensed psychotherapist Bill Ferrand about the findings to get his impressions. “This is an interesting study. But it is important to recognize this is a relatively small sample that is confined to two regions \[China and the UK\]. We’d need to see more research on this topic before we can make wide sweeping generalizations. Still, the results are fascinating because it helps to open a knowledge window into human attraction and sexuality,” Ferrand said. What are your thoughts? Do you prefer women who are sometimes attracted to other women? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Attraction, Bisexual, Human Sexuality --- ### [Should I Take Back My Girlfriend After She Cheated?](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/) **Published:** September 16, 2018 **Author:** Brian Tomasio **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/girlfriend-cheated.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Your girlfriend confesses she cheated. What should you do? *The dating guru offers answers to tough questions men want to know about love, romance, and relationships.* ### His Question *Hi, Dating Geek,* *A few months ago, my girlfriend admitted to me that she slept with another guy. While I didn’t get all the details, I know that it happened with her ex while he was in town for a business trip.* *After she told me, I was devastated. Immediately, I broke off the relationship. But here is the thing – we never stopped talking.* *In the last few days, she’s been texting with messages that suggest we get back together – promising she’ll never cheat again. What should I do? I’m really messed up!* *-Messed Up* ### The Answer Hello, MU, I’m going to give you a straightforward answer – **do not take her back.** This may not be what you want to hear. Please know I’m not saying this to be a jerk. Instead, it comes from a place of compassion and not wanting you to experience more pain. I’m imagining this girl is a knockout – she would have to be for you to even consider this. Let’s be real, OK? If she were just average, you probably wouldn’t even be entertaining this idea at all. Instead, it would be a done deal and you’d be on to someone new. But this woman is different. Maybe it’s the color of her hair. Perhaps it’s her smile or her contagious laugh. At the end of the day, you just don’t want to let her go. What’s interesting is how strong your desire is to resurrect this previous romance, particularly since she left you humiliated with a massive hole in your heart. But I’ve learned over the years that we don’t choose who we fall in love with. It’s not like we can turn our feelings of like a light switch. So, in your text exchanges, I am imagining that she’s being super sweet … maybe bringing up good times from the past and sending cute pictures as a reminder of what was. As part of the back and forth, she assures you that her infidelity was just a “one-time thing” and it “just happened”, promising that nothing like this will ever occur again. And you, feeling vulnerable and lonely, entertain this idea of giving the relationship another try. Sound familiar? If so, it’s super important that you keep reading. Here’s the hard truth – **she’s lying to you**. Curious how I know? It’s simple. Cheating is a choice. Yes, all of us have thought about doing it (anyone who says they haven’t is full of sh–). Think about it for a second. How often do you look at women and imagine what a sexual encounter might be like? Be honest MU, probably a lot, right? That’s the way it is for a lot of guys I know. Well, unless they are the self-shaming type and act like having fantasies is evil (hint: it’s not). Think of that hot girl down the hall from you at work. Back when you were in your relationship, didn’t you *still* check her out whenever she passed by? Even just a little? My point is that the mind has a way of fantasizing. The eyes have a way of wandering. But there is a big difference between looking at the metaphorical menu vs. sampling the food. Follow me? And let’s face it – attractive people have a way of showing up in our lives at the exact moment we begin dating someone new. And they *keep* showing up (for some strange reason) during those first critical months of a blossoming romance. **Related:** [How to ace the first kiss](https://guycounseling.com/first-kiss-jitters-1718/) Assuming you can relate, I’m thinking you made the conscious choice to not partake in extracurricular activities, even though you could have and probably gotten away with it. Remember when your ex wanted to “get together” and you shot her down? How about the random girl you met at a conference who really wanted to show you her room? Do you recall telling her no, even though every fiber of your being was saying yes? You get the point. You avoided temptation. You saw the 60-mile per hour training coming at you and said, “No, I’m not going to cheat on my girlfriend.” On some level, you recognized that a quick romp in the sack with a beautiful woman wasn’t worth risking what you already had. Believe it or not, your girlfriend (well, ex now I suppose) had the same exact challenges you did. You’ve got to believe that more than once, some guy hit on her – and maybe even more intensely when he learned she was attached. But unlike you, she said yes to temptation. Worse, she did it with someone she already knew. I say *worse* because she knew full well exactly what would happen when she agreed to meet her ex. And let me assure you, she wasn’t thinking it would be for casual drinks and a few laughs. **More:** [What to do when she flirts with other men](https://guycounseling.com/women-flirts-other-men-12261/) Every single person on the planet knows what a booty call is, especially from an ex. The moment she said “yes” to meeting him was the moment she knew they’d be hooking up. It didn’t just happen out of the blue. On some level, there probably was a little voice in her head that set off alarm bells. Maybe she did say to herself, “If I do this, I’m going to f—- up something great happening with my boyfriend.” But she ultimately decided to go for it anyway, knowing she was [risking a breakup](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/). You may truly want to believe that this was just a onetime event. And there’s a *slight* chance that could be true. But in my experience, most folks (women and men) are creatures of habit. At some point down the road, another guy is going to hit on her. It could be someone from her past or it could be a new dude. Regardless, she’ll probably think about stepping out again and oh, by the way – screwing you over. Look, I realize this is not going to be an easy talk. But you asked for my opinion and I’m just telling you like it is. She hurt you once – which means she has the ability to do it again. Moreover, she’s demonstrated that she is a cheater. She’s probably going to tell you that she loves you dearly and that – now – she recognizes the error of her ways. But honestly, do you really want that kind of love? *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Break Up, Cheating, Ex, Hook Up, Kiss --- ### [7 Honest Reasons Women Won’t Date You](https://guycounseling.com/women-refuse-date-men/) **Published:** March 11, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men dating women ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **If you think women won’t date you because of your looks, think again.** Are you a man trying to find love? Have you been on the dating scene for a while now? Do things start off well with the women you meet, only to collapse after a few encounters? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. In my work as a counselor, I’ve worked with lots of guys who have shared with me their dating woes with me. The most frequent complaint I hear from men goes something like this: “For whatever reason, s*he just didn’t want to take things further.”* Sound familiar? Let’s face it guys – when you get turned down a lot, [rejection](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/) has a way of taking a toll. Some men get so frustrated that they swear the entire dating thing off, choosing instead to isolate. As one 30-something year old recently told me, “Why bother with this BS? It’s better to be alone. Meeting someone just isn’t in the cars for me.” If you are in this place, there’s a good chance you may be questioning your looks. As a result, it’s possible you’ve even started to believe you aren’t datable. Can you relate? Well, let me tell you brother – because someone needs to – **your appearance had nothing to do with it**. Instead, your problem is most likely linked to how you are coming off. After all, if you are reading this blog, there’s a good chance you [take care of yourself](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). Specifically, I’m talking about how women perceive you during those first few critical interactions. So, what’s *really* going on? Why are women pulling away from you so quickly after meeting? More importantly, **what can you do about it?** Obviously, I can’t be sure. But I can say that based on private conversations I’ve had with women during counseling, there are usually 7 specific behaviors that turn them off. Think of them as deal-breakers; traits that repel women like bug spray. Some of these may seem obvious. Others, not so much. I encourage you to read them all to gain new insight. The list isn’t exhaustive. It if were, this post would never end. But the behaviors listed below represent the biggies. Check it out: ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1) ## 1. You are business, nearly 24/7 You are amazing at your job and have the results to prove it. Because you are competitive, you love talking about your accomplishments. When you are with your friends, they eat it up. In turn, they do the same and regale you with stories about how they landed the “big account”. That’s all fine and dandy. A lot of guys like channeling their [inner alpha](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) by boasting their career accomplishments. For some men, it’s how they keep score. But here’s the thing – if you talk *too much* about work on dates, the woman you are with will eventually look for an exit. The hard truth is she doesn’t want to hear you drone on forever and a day about the office. Instead, she’d prefer you talk about topics that hold mutual interest. It can be anything really; from movies to sports to the coolness of your car. The point is to find *something* – anything to converse about other than your job. And while you are at it, what would it be like to ask questions about *her* life? What does she like? What holds her attention? Just food for thought. ## 2. You are too clingy This is a terrible one to list but it simply must be mentioned. Nobody likes clingy people, particularly women who are just getting to know you. There’s no reason to text her several times throughout the day to “check in”. And you aren’t helping yourself by asking, “Is everything OK?” when you don’t speak to her nightly. You need to trust in yourself and the universe that if she likes you, things will unfold organically. But if you are regularly fishing for compliments or getting all paranoid, you’ve got to know it’s turning her off. Think about it. Do you like clingy women? If the answer is no, why on earth would you think she’d want to be with a codependent man? Time to [work on your self-confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). ## 3. You’ve got mommy issues When you are out on dates, do you talk about your mom a lot? Does she float in and out of conversations for no particular reason? Have there been situations where your mother has texted when you are out with someone? It’s like this – some communication with a parent is a good thing. It demonstrates that you are a good son. Heck, there’s even an argument to be made that family is important to you. There’s nothing wrong with occasional check-ins. But if it seems like your mother controls you like a puppet, that girl you are dating will absolutely notice. And the last thing she wants to attach to is a momma’s boy. **Women like guys who are independent**. That’s not to say you should act like a distant and remote jerk. But it is to say you’ve got to show that you can stand on your own two feet and make decisions on your own without mom’s approval. Make sense? ![drinking and dating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-drinking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do you need to drink just to open up? ## 4. You can’t do anything without a drink Man, I really don’t like having to list this one because you may get the impression that alcohol is off limits. It’s not. Instead, I’m talking about being “that guy” who regularly reaches for liquid courage because you rely on it for emotional lubrication. I **Translation: You can’t let your guard down unless you’ve tied a few on.** Here’s the deal. Women like men who expose their vulnerable side. They don’t want to be with someone who regularly needs alcohol to open up. Yes, I know that we men are inculcated not to talk about our feelings. It’s one of the main reasons so many of us are [secretly depressed](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). That said, you’ve got to be OK with letting your guard down occasionally. But if the only way you can do this is with a glass of whiskey sour or a can of beer, you may be sending the wrong message. ## 5. Asking for revealing selfies There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look at her pictures. We’re men – we’re [programmed to be visual](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201205/the-triggers-sexual-desire-men-vs-women). In today’s world, gifs and vids are part of the landscape. That said, understand that when you ask her to send a “cute pic” right out of the gate, it’s a huge-turn off. By cute pic, I’m talking about the adult stuff (read between the lines). Here the deal on this one. When you request (or send) those kinds of pictures, it gives the impression that you are just looking for a hookup. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting a physical connection. But if you *really* are seeking a romantic bond, stop making these requests. The current body of research tells us that people who receive certain types of pictures share those images with friends. Don’t take my word for it. Instead, check out this [Indiana University](http://research.indiana.edu/2016/08/sexting-among-singles-1-in-4-share-sexts/) research study on the topic. And here’s the thing – on some level, she probably knows this. She’s aware that by sending something revealing, it could be shown to someone else. And I’m here to say that based on the conversations I’ve had with women, that’s the last thing they want. So, if you are doing this – **now is the time to stop**. The only thing you are doing is killing the baby in the cradle before it has a chance to grow. ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/couple-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 6. You seem cheap When you go out on dates, are you looking for the cheapest possible venues? When the bill comes, do you insist on splitting things down the middle each and every time, right down to the last penny? Do you avoid social avoid social events because you don’t want to spend the money? If you are doing this, you need to stop – immediately. That’s because **women don’t like cheap asses**. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t do dinner Dutch, particularly in the beginning. But if the focus is always on the money and you not spending it, you run the risk of coming off ass a tightwad. If I had a dime for each time a woman told me they cut things off because of this reason, I’d be rich – for real. The point is to use common sense here. The way the universe works is to give without the expectation of receiving. No, you shouldn’t be a fool and whip out your [wallet](https://guycounseling.com/leather-wallet-choices-men/) for everything. Just don’t be “that guy” who keeps tabs. Follow me? ## 7. You are too negative This last point is probably obvious but worth mentioning all the same. If you are constantly putting others down, including past girlfriends, co-workers or other people in your life, it’s a red flag that you aren’t a nice person. That’s not to say you should be all Pollyanna and talk never complain about anything. Shoot, we’re all human and have good days and bad ones. But if you never have anything nice to say about others, what impression are you leaving with your date? I’ll tell you what women are thinking, based on my conversations: “If he talks this way about \[fill in the blank\], what will he say about me when I’m not around?” The point is to find something – *anything* to say that is kind about other people. You’d be surprised how this changes your situation. ## Wrap Up Well, there you have it. Seven honest reasons women won’t date you. Hopefully, what’s been shared here will set off a few light bulbs. Remember, it’s not about your looks. If that were the case, she wouldn’t be talking to you in the first place. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Date, Getting Rejected, Rejection, Women --- ### [10 Simple Things I Do To Fight My Anxiety at Night](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-night-tips/) **Published:** September 16, 2018 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![anxiety at night](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/anxiety-at-night.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Struggle with anxiety at night? Here’s some coping tips** Do you feel anxious at night? Before going to bed, do you have a tough time settling down? Does it seem like no matter how hard you try, you can’t get to sleep? If so, welcome to the club. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent tossing and turning in bed, only to wake up in the morning with [super baggy eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) (and a grouchy mood). What makes it worse is when you go through several nights of this and nothing changes. After three or four days of crappy sleep, my anxiety transforms into something even worse: depression. I don’t know about you, but my anxiety is always bad in the evening. In fact, I would say it peaks just before I’m ready to turn in. Talk about sucky. I’ve even had moments where I’m afraid to shut my eyes because I’m worried sleep won’t come. Yes, that sounds crazy but I’m just being real with you. On some level, I think the entire dynamic plays off itself, thereby making my fears become real in what some call a [paradox](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-experience/201802/the-paradox-psychological-defenses). At any rate, about six months ago, I decided to implement a series of major changes in my nighttime routine. Since putting these into place, I can tell you I’ve experienced MAJOR benefits. That’s why today, I’d like to share with you 10 things I do to fight my anxiety at night. Obviously, I can’t promise these will work for you. But I can say that trying them can’t hurt. Are you ready? Check it out: ## ![anxiety before bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=427%2C320&ssl=1) ## 1. No more nighttime workouts It used to be the case that right after getting out of work, I’d make my way to the gym. By the time I got there and completed my cardio and weight lifting exercises, I was leaving around 7 or 8 at night. Speaking only for myself, that’s kind of late – particularly when you still need to eat dinner and then try to get yourself to bed by 11 pm to be up by 7 am. By changing my exercise routine to mornings (before work), I’ve found that I’m not as charged up at night. And there is some [evidence](https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-topics/best-time-exercise-quality-zzzs) to suggest evening workouts may have a negative impact on sleep. Again, this works for me and may not work for you. ## 2. I got all Zen Yes, in the past, I had heard about the various benefits of mindfulness. But hearing about something and making it part of your life are two different things. After doing some research, I found that by [leaning into Zen](https://guycounseling.com/zen-lifestyle-101/), you can help calm your mind and body. Trust me, I don’t go overboard. But I do try to make meditation part of my daily ritual. It chills me out. That’s a good thing. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-watching-tv.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)I turn the TV off one hour before bed ## 3. No T.V. one hour before bed To be completely transparent, I love my T.V. shows. Even more so during football and basketball season. That said, I also recognize that television can sometimes amp up your energy in unintended ways. As a remedy, I’ve decided to turn off the T.V. one hour before bed. This allows my mind time to calm down and chillax. Sometimes, I’ll read a book. Other times, I’ll meditate. Talk about super helpful! Will this remain a hard and fast rule for me? It depends on which sports teams are playing. But I’m going to try my best to keep this part of my routine. ## 4. Amber light on my smart-pad I never knew that the blue light emitted from things like a smart-pads and smart-phones can have an adverse effect on mood. But after an article about [wearing amber glasses](https://guycounseling.com/amber-glasses-insomnia-help-12171/), I decided to investigate. Sure enough, when I switched my smart-pad to the “ambient light” setting, I found it had a major influence on my anxiety. In other words, doing this makes me **less** anxious. So now, when I read a book at night, I do so against the backdrop of a yellowish screen. ## 5. No eating two-hours before sleep You probably already knew this but it’s worth mention. When you eat late at night, you cause your body to work harder to metabolize food. Translation – the expenditure of energy. It wasn’t until recently that I began employing the “no eating” rule two hours before sleep. In the past, I would snack on food right before hitting the sack. But not anymore. All I can tell you is that cutting off food before bed has really made a difference. ## 6. I shut off email Can I be real with you? Most of us work for employers who expect us to be connected 24-7. Doesn’t it suck? The end result is that all of us feel the need to be constantly connected. But after talking to some friends, I found that many of them make the conscious choice of shutting off their email at night. We’re talking **all email**, including work. For me, I find that switching off mail two-hours before bed works best. The way I figure it, nothing is so important that it can’t wait until morning. Obviously, depending on your job, this option may not work. But if you can swing it, I highly recommend. ![alcohol beer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/alcohol.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)I’m careful with drinking ## 7. I limit alcohol Do you have a few drinks at night when getting home from work? I sometimes do. Nothing big. Just a beer – or maybe two. But recently, I’ve decided to cut way back on nighttime drinking. That’s because I found out that alcohol, ingested at night, can [contribute to insomnia](https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/12/11/alcohol-use-can-impair-sleep-cause-insomnia/78498.html). I guess it has something to do with the body’s ability to keep homeostasis. At any rate, now I limit my drinking to *maybe* half a glass of wine once a week (meaning Monday-Friday). I can’t say I do this on weekends. Maybe that will change? ## 8. Shut down social media Do you go through your Facebook feed at night? How about scrolling through Instagram and Twitter? If so, I can relate. That’s something I used to do too – a lot. But when I decided to create the changes I’ve discussed in this post, I decided to make social media part of it. Long story short – I now shut off social media (all of it) two hours before bedtime. Honestly, I can do without the stimulation or drama, you know? I can honestly say this has made a **dramatic difference** in reducing stress. ![spend time with my dog](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/dog-james-barker-560319-unsplash.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)I hang out with my dog ## 9. I spend time with my dog No need to spend a lot of time on this one except to say this – I’ve been spending more time with my dog at night. I’ve found that by playing with him and just being in his presence, I feel more chill. They say pets have a calming effect on people and when you think about this, it’s kind of true. What’s weird is that when my dog can sense when I am getting tired. It’s like he mirrors my behavior in an uncanny way. Shoot, there’s even been times when he jumps into the bed as a kind of signal that says, “Hey, time to get some sleep!” ## 10. I have a self-care ritual In the past, my bedtime ritual was brushing my teeth. But after doing some reading on why [guys need to set up a skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/), I’ve started to add two other things: washing and moisturizing my face. What I’ve found is by including these activities as part of my wind down process, I help to encourage sleepiness. Maybe the warm water splashing on my skin helps my brain to relax? Who knows? All I can say is that it’s helped me. ## Summary If you struggle with anxiety at night, you already know how horrible it can be. As a tool for coping, I encourage you to learn all you can about your triggers. Each of us is different, you know? One of my favorite books is *Anxiety for Dummies* ([Amazon](https://amzn.to/2MCwblo)). Inside, there’s lots of practical information with solutions for working through. Finally, I’ll say this. If you are really struggling at night with calming yourself, it might help to talk to your doctor. Sometimes, an underlying medical condition can be part of the dynamic. Anyway, I hope you found my 10 strategies helpful. Do you have problems with anxiety at night? What are you doing to deal with it? I’d love to read your comments below. **Related Reading:** [10 things guy do that make their anxiety worse](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/) [Mental trick at night to fall asleep](https://guycounseling.com/self-hypnosis-insomnia/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Insomnia --- ### [5 Ways Men Can Naturally Boost Testosterone](https://guycounseling.com/testosterone-natural-men/) **Published:** September 15, 2018 **Author:** Chris Andre **Content:** ![natural ways to boost testosterone men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/testosterone-men-natural-approaches.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Lift your testosterone and mood without drugs Are you hoping to increase your testosterone levels naturally? Hoping to find ways to boost your test levels without injections by a doctor? Want to skip the whole pill and powder thing? If the answer is yes, you are not alone. According to most [published research](https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/86/2/724/2841070), men experience a loss of testosterone as they age. There are a number or reasons for this, including genetics, lifestyle factors, and the human biological clock. While there has certainly been good news in recent years about [anti-aging and men](https://guycounseling.com/men-women-aging-process-316/), the hard truth is time marches on. A lot of guys desire optimal testosterone levels because they realize it helps them feel more energized. But to keep it real, many more desire healthy levels of this hormone for intimacy purposes. Yes, that’s right – we’re talking about what goes on behind closed doors. ![men and testosterone ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/bicep.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Does size matter ## Does size really matter? Now, where do you actually start the whole investigation? Of course, visiting a doc seems like a quick shortcut, but it may not offer you pure satisfaction of getting some quick impressions. As a matter of fact, the first, simplest thing you can do to get down and dirty with the truth right away is to stand before a mirror, take a deep breath and drop your pants. If the phrase “size does matter” often intimidates men, this time around it becomes, unfortunately, as the rule of thumb in gauging one’s testosterone levels. Speaking of thumbs, it’s time to use your thumb and index finger to measure your balls. Are they big enough? (Here’s a reference on [good measurement](https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/average-testicle-size#does-size-matter?).) James Rilling, associate professor in Atlanta who has been exploring this subject through a number of [studies](http://news.emory.edu/stories/2013/09/esc_mens_involvement_in_child_care_study/campus.html), stated, “Men with smaller testes, and men with lower testosterone levels, were more involved in the day-to-day caregiving of the child.” Truth be told, there are always two sides of the coin: Such condition could also trigger rather [unpleasant experiences](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2544367/) including the loss of libido, hair loss, frailty and fatigue. Sadly, no man would be able to hinder this as it comes with age, especially as one enters the age of 40 according to a [Harvard Study](https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/Testosterone_aging_and_the_mind). ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l0HlNpo1h2PkXUzy8/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Long live the Greeks Now as we comprehend the rules of the game, then what is the finest benefit do men actually get when they maintain a high level of testosterone? Dan Buettner, a published author on longevity research, revealed Ikaria, a small island in Greece, is one of a few sites in the world (off exotic Asian isles) where men living above the age 100 is not an uncommon phenomenon. On his [list of 11 things](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2012/10/25/a-greek-islands-secrets-to-long-life-in-11-bullet-points/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.f509431f5eef) that make them live longer is “healthy sex lives after 65.” Buettner explained, “A preliminary study of Ikarian men between 65 and 100 that included the fact that 80 percent of them claimed to have sex regularly, and a quarter of that self-reported group said they were doing so with ‘good duration’ and ‘achievement.’” To keep it short, your manhood goes beyond the importance of pleasure and satisfaction. It may give you another 10 years of your life! ![number five film](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=494%2C313&ssl=1) ## Five Natural Options Whether it’s to live longer or just to be the better man you want to be, there are a few tricks you can do to increase your testosterone levels naturally – without any aide from sterile-smelling professionals. And all of those are listed from the easiest to probably the hardest, depending how much you’re willing to keep it up for the long run. ## **1. Watch sports games  Yes. It’s that simple. You watch a game that really excites you, bet on a team that’s going to win, and you’ll go home and enjoy the reward. It’s said that as testosterone levels can vary between the hours (morning vs. afternoon vs. evening), watching a sports game could attribute to a change up to [20 percent](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3329546/). Here’s the catch: If your team wins, you’ll most likely be ready for a match in your own bed. If your team loses, well, it’s going to a peaceful night. ## **2. Bros’night-out  As they say boys will be boys, hanging out with your mates could certainly coax your manhood back to prime. Whether it’s the bro talk or the masculine camaraderie, there’s always a sense of competition shared among guys, and it’s very healthy to kick your testosterone levels up a notch. One important fact, [a few pints of beer](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12711931) couldn’t really break the deal, as long as you don’t see double. ## **3. Muscle building** Testosterone is crucially essential for bodybuilders to build that muscle bulk they desire. Instead of taking a shortcut through some chemical shots, why don’t you start a regular [workout routine](https://guycounseling.com/body-building-basics-4-weight-lifting-techniques-for-muscle-mass/) to bounce your testosterone levels back up? Not just weights, high-intensity trainings are also well recommended. However, steer away from endurance exercises like marathon run or long cycling as they contribute the opposite effect. Read [this article](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-muscle-mass-loss/) to find out more details on a list of things to avoid. ## **4. Go outdoors  There’s a unique relation between going outdoors, especially in nature like forests, and testosterone levels. Activities like chopping wood or [camping](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) improve manhood in such a short time. In a way, it perhaps sets out as a de-stressing solution, too, as you get off the grid and nurture your primal instinct instead. And with no Internet keeping you busy before you sleep, you would resort to men’s most primal routine to pass the time under the stars. ## **5. Conquer your fear** Low levels of testosterone are often associated with low self-confidence, lack of self-esteem and fear. Take the bull by the horns; if you’re afraid of heights, scare yourself on a bungee jump. Afraid of [driving on the road](https://guycounseling.com/driving-fears/), take the wheel and face your fear. Rationalize what’s the worst going to happen and see that actually your own imagination is what restrains you. ## Wrap Up If you are concerned about your testosterone levels or any aspect of your health, make an appointment with your medical doctor for a checkup. Like Don Juan, a man who feels successful and sure of himself is the embodiment of a man prime of his manhood. Hopefully, you’re not only going to live long but also enjoying making love as you rightly deserve. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Manhood, muscle, Testosterone --- ### [Can Swimming in Cold Water Ease Depression?](https://guycounseling.com/cold-water-swimming-depression/) **Published:** September 14, 2018 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![man swimming underwater athletic](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-swimming.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Case study offers interesting news for depression sufferers. ## SHORT STORY A recently published case study suggests swimming in cold water may help to reduce symptoms of depression. ## LONG STORY If you struggle with depression, you aren’t alone. Data published by the American Psychological Association shows nearly [10%](http://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers.aspx) of all men in the United States live with this mental health challenge. Historically, treatment options have included pill-based medications (psychotropics) and various forms of talk-therapy. Physical activity and exercise are recommended because the clinical data shows they help to [ameliorate symptoms](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). Which is why a new study published by [British Medical Journal Case Reports](http://casereports.bmj.com/content/2018/bcr-2018-225007.abstract?sid=dee0ff88-789c-4023-88a1-9e6d1261bc60) is so interesting. The research, carried out by Chris van Tulleken with the University College of London and co-authored by two scientists with University of Portsmouth, explores the case of a 24-year old woman who lived with severe depression and anxiety. Her name is Sarah and her story was chronicled by the BBC as part of a series called [The Doctor Who Gave Up Drugs](https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b4nxwt). After giving birth to her daughter, Sarah was committed to taking herself off the anti-depressants and exploring natural approaches to coping. Seeking answers, she spoke to her doctor and was given some unusual advice: Try swimming each week in cold water. Yep, you read that right – swimming. So, guess what? That’s exactly what Sarah did. And we aren’t talking about swimming in a warm pool. Nope, how about water that was 15C. Apparently, the tip from her physician worked. After four months, she took herself off her meds and became symptom-free. Two years later and still swimming, Sarah still isn’t taking a psychotropic. Pretty cool, don’t you think? ![man by ocean](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-men-water.jpg?resize=560%2C343&ssl=1)Cold water swimming helpful with depression? This was the first study to examine the effects of open water therapy as a treatment approach for depression. The research is also one of the first to assess how cold-water effects mood. Now there are a number of important caveats that need to be pointed out. First, we know from years of research that when skin is immersed in cold water, it can – in some situations, send a person into shock. In turn, life-threatening medical problems can arise, including respiratory and cardiovascular distress. That said, cold water also holds anti-inflammatory benefits and has been successfully used to treat people with post-operative pain. Apparently, cold water swimming also helps to activate the stress response in the body. Over time, this results in a something called habituation (meaning a form of learning). Commenting on this phenomenon, Dr. Van Tulleken shared the following with The Guardian: “One theory is that if you adapt to cold water, you also blunt your stress response to other daily stresses such as road rage, exams or getting fired at work.” Guy Counseling spoke to Dr. John Moore a licensed mental health counselor and faculty member in the School of Behavioral Science at New York Institute of Technology about the results. He’s also the editor of this site. “You really can’t say anything is clinically effective based on one study. We need to see many more lines of research in the future. That said, this study does add to the body of evidence to suggest ongoing physical activity can help people living with depression,” said Moore. We will continue to keep our eyes open for new developments on the relationship between cold water therapy and depression. In reading Sarah’s story, we can’t help but feel hopeful. **Do you live with depression? If so, are you a swimmer? How has this impacted your mood?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Depression, Exercise, Physical Activity --- ### [What Is Abnormal Psychology?](https://guycounseling.com/abnormal-psychology-explained/) **Published:** September 13, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![personality disorders in abnormal psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/personality-disorders.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Understanding Abnormal psychology** Searching for information on abnormal psychology? Hoping to understand what it means to have a personality disorder? Trying to find material that offers insight, devoid of confusing terms? If the answer is yes, you have come to the right place. I created this page to help people just like you better understand abnormal psychology and contextualize the various personality disorders in human terms. As a college professor who instructs graduate level courses in mental health, I know many people are interested in this topic but not sure where to turn for answers. **In this post, you will learn:** - A working definition of abnormal psychology - Human personality - Key points about abnormal psychology - Cluster A personality disorders - Cluster B personality disorders - Cluster C personality disorders - Traits for each abnormal psychology typology - Resources for learning ## Abnormal psychology defined Simply put, abnormal psychology is the branch of psychology that explores unusual patterns of behavior in humans, including emotions and thoughts, which can (but not always) be part of an existing mental disorder. ![abnormal psychology human psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cosmic-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Human personality ## Human personality Our personalities are what make us who we are. It includes our unique traits, patterns of behavior, and views of the world that differentiate us from everyone else. When people have a healthy personality, they possess the skills to enjoy life most of the time. They deal with stressful events as they come up and then move on. Individuals with a healthy personality can hold down a job, care for a home, and have satisfying relationships with many people. This is a sharp contrast to someone who struggles with various forms of [abnormal psychology](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1932-00692-001). Specifically, we’re talking about personality disorders. Relationships are baffling to them and they don’t connect easily to others. To cope with the anxiety of everyday life, those with a personality disorder may compensate by becoming as rigid as possible. While they are inflexible and exasperating to deal with at times, those with personality disorders usually see everyone else as the problem. They often withdraw from life and take little pleasure in socializing with people. ## A few key points on abnormal psychology Anyone can exhibit signs of a personality disorder occasionally and still be a healthy person. It is only when a person’s regular patterns of thinking and behavior cause them significant impairment that psychiatrists or psychologists may suspect a personality disorder. Tell-tale signs of a personality disorder include inflexibility when relating to others, distorted thinking, and chronically faulty perceptions of the world. Those who know the person describe him or her as being somewhat off from an early age. Most personality disorders are recognizable by early adolescence and continue into adulthood. A personality disorder is not a mental illness. People who have them learn to adapt and usually lead a relatively normal life, even if it’s only by their own standards. It’s common for signs of the personality disorder to let up considerably by the time a person reaches middle age. Most people with a disordered personality function okay in society, though many prefer to spend most of their time alone. After a lifetime of others seeing them as just plain weird, they are reluctant to trust anyone. No consensus exists about how people develop a personality disorder. Some mental health professionals feel that the events of early childhood shape personality so strongly that a personality disorder is inevitable for those who grew up in a dysfunctional family. Others feel that genetic factors are more to blame. The likelihood of developing a personality disorder is much stronger for people with a genetic predisposition and among those who experience multiple traumatic events. Developing a rigid personality is often the only way children know how to cope with situations that are beyond their control. Unfortunately, this fails to serve them as they grow into adulthood and ends up causing more problems than it solves. Below you will find 10 different personality disorders commonly seen in abnormal psychology. All have been synthesized through the [DSM](https://amzn.to/2NHA1yd), short for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, published by the American Psychiatric Association. ![abnormal psych](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-Man-and-dating.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cluster A ## Cluster A Personality Disorders Someone with a Cluster A personality disorder often appears bizarre or eccentric to others. The three specific disorders associated with this cluster are paranoid, schizoid, and schizotypal. The last two personality disorders in this cluster are not the same thing as the serious mental illness of schizophrenia. ## 1. Paranoid A person with a paranoid personality disorder trusts almost no one in life, including family, friends, or even his or her spouse. Others describe this individual as guarded and suspicious. Usually, the paranoid person feels convinced about the legitimacy of his or her suspicions and constantly scans the environment to prove it. If you do something the paranoid person doesn’t approve of, he or she may remain angry with you indefinitely. Other qualities that are common to someone with a paranoid personality disorder include: - An inflated sense of entitlement and superiority - Oversensitivity to criticism or correction - Inability to tolerate frustration - Keeps a mental score of ways that others have done wrong - Is humiliated easily and carries a deep sense of shame ## 2. Schizoid A person with this personality disorder isn’t interested in social relationships and usually doesn’t display normal sexual behavior. It’s common for the schizoid to develop a rich inner world where he or she prefers to stay most of the time. People observing a schizoid personality describe someone who appears utterly lacking in emotion. The words aloof, cold, and indifferent are also common descriptors. Some mental health experts feel that people with this personality disorder do want to have intimate relationships with others but lack the social skills to initiate them. ## 3. Schizotypal This is the most serious of the Cluster A personality disorders. Someone who meets the criteria of schizotypal may go on to develop full-blown schizophrenia in the future. Schizotypal individuals often behave, speak, and dress in ways that others find bizarre. At the same time, he or she is usually deeply afraid of others and shares some characteristics with the paranoid personality type. Rather than develop relationships with people, this personality type may try to find meaning in life by bonding with inanimate objects. While some psychiatrists call schizotypal a personality disorder, others consider it latent schizophrenia. ![what is it like to date a scorpio man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-Man-in-the-Universe.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cluster B ## Cluster B Personality Disorders The identifying characteristic of this cluster of personality disorders include overly dramatic, self-focused behavior. People with antisocial, borderline, histrionic, or narcissistic personality disorder fall into this category. ## 4. Antisocial Antisocial personalities are thrill-seekers who never put their roots down in any one place for long. Due to their extreme sense of wanderlust and need for excitement, they casually discard people who no longer entertain them or who won’t bend to their will. Someone with this personality disorder has superficial relationships with others, if he or she has any relationships at all. This is due to a lifelong pattern of using others for personal gain and abusing them when not getting their own way. This is one of the more dangerous personality disorders because antisocial people are usually chronic liars who can fly into a violent rage with little or no provocation. [Criminal psychologists](https://guycounseling.com/criminal-psychologist/) often study this personality type. ## 5. Borderline A deep sense of emptiness and fear of abandonment are the motivating factors behind the behavior of someone with borderline personality disorder. This person has no idea who he or she is as an individual, so they look to others to define them. The borderline personality is emotionally unstable and prone to impulsivity, unhealthy relationships, and outbursts of intense anger or even violence. People with borderline personality disorder exhibit suicidal behavior frequently. It also disproportionately affects women. Many psychiatrists feel this is due to sexual abuse in childhood, which may explain the gender difference to some degree. Others in the field of psychiatry feel that women receive the borderline label more often because people consider men who display the same types of behavior as antisocial instead. ## 6. Histrionic To mask feelings of low self-worth, the histrionic personality type will do anything to gain attention and approval from others. They have little understanding that their actions come off as phony, insincere, and overly dramatic. A histrionic person often behaves in a manner that is artificially charming or resorts to dressing seductively to get people to pay attention to him or her. Other people have a hard time dealing with histrionics due to their natural tendency to overreact to normal, everyday situations. ## 7. Narcissistic Narcissists have an inflated sense of self and imagine themselves as brilliant while nearly everyone else is beneath them. Other people’s needs and feelings are never as important as their own, despite the fact they have an insatiable need for admiration from them. While they appear arrogant to others, this is only to mark a self-esteem so fragile that the slightest criticism can send them into a rage or a [deep depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). Narcissists go to nearly any length to conceal who they really are underneath all of their bravado. A narcissist sees people only in terms of what they can do for him or her, not as human beings with needs of their own. ![cluster c personality disorders in abnormal psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Scorpio-men-in-love-and-relationships.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cluster C ## Cluster C Personality Disorders People whose dominant behavior falls into a Cluster C personality disorder are excessively anxious or fearful. However, his or her behavior differs from someone with paranoid personality disorder. This cluster includes avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders. ## 8. Avoidant An avoidant personality type has faced harsh criticism, rejection, and humiliation in the past and will do anything not to face it again. This includes avoiding most social situations as well as intimate coupled relationships. Due to a deep sense of inferiority, someone with this personality disorder steers clear of other people as much as possible. This person plays it safe by taking few risks in life. If an avoidant type does manage to form a relationship with another person, there is always a sense of restraint and self-protection. ## 9. Dependent Someone with a dependent personality disorder is content to let others take care of him or her and avoids responsibility for major life decisions. This is because dependent people have almost no confidence in their own abilities in addition to a deep-seated fear of abandonment. Feelings of helplessness and inadequacy drive a dependent personality to hand over control of his or her life to others. They often idolize those they are closest to, which is a huge draw for someone who is narcissistic. These two disordered personality types seem naturally attracted to one another. ## 10. Obsessive-Compulsive The [obsessive-compulsive person](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-ocd-every-day/) abides by rigid rules and experiences deep distress when any aspect of his or her life appears disorganized. The defining characteristics of this personality disorder are overwhelming anxiety, perfectionism, and often the non-stop need to be productive. Other people describe an obsessive-compulsive personality as humorless, controlling, unwilling to spend money, and far too cautious in everything. Because flexibility is non-existent, this personality type usually drives people away rather than bonding with them. ## Bringing it All Together If you recognize yourself or a loved one in any of these descriptions, don’t panic and try not to self-diagnose. The awareness is actually a good sign and the first step towards change if that is what you and the people in your life desire. If you are interested in learning more about abnormal psychology, particularly if you are seeking a career in the field of mental health, I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of the book *[Abnormal Psychology: An Integrative Approach](https://amzn.to/2NFmhnL)* by Darlow, Burrow and Hoffmann. Inside, you will find lots of useful, interesting information that will help you to better understand the inner-workings of the human mind. With the help of a skilled therapist and family support, people with personality disorders can make positive changes and lead a more fulfilling life. Treatment options include individual and group psychotherapy, medication, behavior modification, and several others. The important thing is to stick with it until you notice significant progress. — **References:** Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM -5). American Psychiatric Association. 2013. **Categories:** Academia, Mind **Tags:** Abnormal Psychology, Mental Health, Personality, Personality Disorders, Psychology --- ### [How Matcha Green Tea Boosts Your Libido and Sex Life](https://guycounseling.com/matcha-green-tea-libido/) **Published:** September 12, 2018 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![attractive man drinking tea coffee beard matcha tea](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/attractive-man-drinking-coffee-cup-tea.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Surprising Matcha Green Tea benefits** Green tea is renowned for its ability to support good health, but there’s more to this popular beverage than most people think. Apart from boosting the immune system and helping to provide good health, green tea is an aphrodisiac as well. However, when it comes to powering-up your love machine, one form of green tea offers some pretty stiff competition. It’s called [Matcha](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0021967303011336) and, if you are not familiar with it, you may have seen it being prepared on TV because Matcha tea is the type of tea the Japanese use in their tea ceremonies. ## **Why Matcha Is Different from Normal Green Tea  Regular green tea, made from dried fragments of leaves taken from tea bushes (Camellia sinensis), is prepared by steeping the leaf fragments in boiling water for up to two minutes. When the brew appears to be the required strength, the leaves are discarded. Matcha green tea requires grinding the leaves into a fine powder. Green tea in this state does not need steeping or brewing, but only to be mixed with hot water. Nothing is wasted or discarded; the tea retains all of its nutrients and antioxidants. That is one of the main reasons Matcha is so potent, but it’s not the only reason. The leaves used to make Matcha tea are cultivated differently from the leaves intended for making standard green tea. Tea bushes selected for producing Matcha green tea are not exposed to the elements in the same way as tea bushes that are intended to have their leaves harvested for making regular green tea. Matcha green tea bushes grow underneath special cloths that help protect the leaves from the sun, which accounts for Matcha’s superior taste. **Related:** [10 natural ways to cope with anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/10-natural-remedies-anxiety-calm-relax/) After the leaves get harvested, they are subjected to brief steam treatment to prevent fermentation. The next step in the process is to dry the leaves and allow them to age in cold storage. This special post-harvesting treatment further enhances the taste. The unique way Matcha is cultivated and prepared causes it to have a higher caffeine content than ordinary green tea. It contains almost as much caffeine as coffee. However, unlike ground coffee beans, this form of ground tea is also rich in the amino acid L-Theanine. L-Theanine tempers the negative aspects of caffeine. That allows Matcha to boost energy levels and mental focus similarly to coffee but without the incumbent risk of jitters or any of the other side effects that caffeine can sometimes present. As a result, Matcha drinkers experience a sensation sometimes described as an “alert calm.” ![matcha green tea benefits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/cosmic-cup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Tea as an aphrodisiac ## **Matcha Green Tea as an Aphrodisiac** The health-boosting benefits of green tea are due to the unique blend of catechins and polyphenols it contains, and the way Matcha is cultivated and prepared ensures maximum potency retention. So, although regular green tea is good for the health, Matcha is even better, and a healthy body is better capable of providing and enjoying good sex. However, that’s not the only reason Matcha is such a good aphrodisiac. Green tea also contains vasodilation. Vasodilation is a natural process that causes the walls of the blood vessels to relax and attain a slightly more full diameter, which lowers the blood pressure and improves the circulation. Vasodilation is as beneficial for the mind as it is for the body because all the major organs, including the brain, receive extra oxygen and nutrients. Bodybuilders sometimes take supplements designed to provide vasodilation because they want to train harder and experience a better “pump,” but when the circulation is improved, it can also help pump-up the penis and allow men enjoy a harder and longer-lasting erection. Matcha can improve the sex life of women too, and can work exceptionally well for women who are going through the menopause because it helps to balance estrogen levels. This action can help alleviate or reduce many of the symptoms of menopause, including diminished interest in sex. The L-Theanine in Matcha also has a role to play in helping men and women enjoy better sex because it boosts dopamine production. Dopamine activates the area of the brain that’s responsible for feeling pleasure, increases attraction, and helps make sex more enjoyable. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B000WB1YSE&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000WB1YSE/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000WB1YSE&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=02901b7afe5da73ee9a27ba26f6d5d29)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B000WB1YSE) ## **How to Spice-Up Your Sex Life with Matcha Green Tea** There are no hard and fast rules with this green tea. A single cup may be sufficient to provide the desired aphrodisiacal effect, but some people may need a little more to give them the lift they need. Everyone is different. There are lots of brands on the market. One of the best is made by the folks at Zen Spirit. You can [check Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2CQMXhb). Going by the anecdotal evidence, the best time to drink it is half-an-hour before sex and couples who want to be adventurous could begin the lead-up to their foreplay with a traditional Japanese tea ceremony. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Coffee, Green Tea, intimacy, Love, Matcha, Teas --- ### [Scientists Have Invented a Light Stimulator To Regrow Hair](https://guycounseling.com/light-stimulator-hair-loss-912/) **Published:** September 12, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![hair loss man mirror](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/man-hair-mirror.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Treatments for balding may be going high-tech** ## **SHORT VERSION** A new way to treat male pattern baldness may be on the horizon. ## **LONG VERSION** Are you a man with thinning hair? Have you started to notice bald spots on the front, back or middle part of your head? Hoping to find treatment options that don’t include transplants or surgeries? If so, welcome to the club. Each year, millions of men search for ways to deal with male pattern baldness. According to the [American Hair Loss Association](http://www.americanhairloss.org/men_hair_loss/introduction.asp), two-thirds of men experience appreciable hair loss by age 35. And things only get worse as time goes on. By the time 50 rolls around, a whopping eighty-five percent of all men notice a significant amount of hair loss. At present, there are a number of non-surgical treatments available to help guys deal with alopecia; the umbrella term for balding. Examples include over the counter topicals such as minoxidil (Rogaine)and prescription strength drugs like finasteride ([Propecia](https://guycounseling.com/finasteride-cancer-study/)). Additionally, scalp injections through [PRP](https://www.healthline.com/health/prp-for-hair-loss) (platelet-rich plasma) therapy are also possible. But if scientists with the American Chemical Society (ACS) are successful, a new option may be available to encourage follicular growth. Specifically, the use of a wearable light stimulator consisting of red vertical light-emitting diodes. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l1J9PnuDqssiDjSve/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Yep, that’s right. One day in the future, you may be able to take a bike ride, do yard work or go walking while sporting a high-tech doohickey that recharges your hairline. According to an abstract published on [ACS Nano](https://pubs.acs.org/doi/pdf/10.1021/acsnano.8b05568), a team of scientists used the photo-stimulator to treat hair loss in test mice. You may be wondering how this worked? It’s simple. Investigators shaved the hair off  the mice’s backs. For a period of 20-days, one set got light treatments. Another group received traditional minoxidil. The control group got nothing. What investigators noticed was the group of mice who received the light treatments showed **significant hair regrowth** – over a wider area – than the other mice. Now obviously, a lot more testing needs to be conducted, particularly in humans, to demonstrate efficacy. That said, the initial results of this study are promising. Goodness knows that as a tribe, men spend millions of dollars a year on grooming products that promise to regrow and thicken hair. And companies that cater to guys know this. For example, is it any wonder Dove Men Care has a [shampoo and conditioner](https://guycounseling.com/dove-thickening-shampoo-men/) specifically targeted to males? We will have to keep an eye out for advancements with the light-device as mentioned in the ACS study. If it works out, you may one day be able to combine existing treatments with the photo-stimulator to regrow some of what you’ve lost. Who knows, maybe in the future, they’ll create a high-tech thingy to [prevent grey hair](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/). So, what do you think? Would you use a light stimulation device to combat balding? **Categories:** News, Science **Tags:** Balding, Hair, Hair Loss --- ### [An Eye Towards Compassion Boosts Employee Performance (Study)](https://guycounseling.com/compassion-leadership-911/) **Published:** September 11, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![compassion](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/green-eyes-male-1024x700.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Treating employees with a mix of kindness and compassion holds important benefits.** ## QUICK VERSION A newly released study reveals classical paternalistic leadership styles help boost employee performance. ## LONG VERSION Do you currently supervise employees? If so, have you ever reflected on [your leadership style](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-types/)? For example, do treat reports with kindness or do you simply expect them to get the work done? Knowing the answer to that question is important. That’s because a newly released study from researchers at Binghamton University, State University at New York, suggests supervisors who show the right mix of compassion and authority get the best results from employees. Specifically, we’re talking about the classical paternalistic leadership style. That’s a ten-dollar term used to describe managers who are primarily concerned with the well-being of employees and but also focused on task-completion. Published in *[The Leadership Quarterly](https://www.journals.elsevier.com/the-leadership-quarterly)*, investigators surveyed nearly 1000 members of Taiwan’s military and nearly 200 working adults in the United States. The researchers wanted to know the performance levels of subordinates from three specific approaches to leading. These included: - Authoritarianism-dominant leadership: These are managers who lead with absolute authority and are very dominant. Little consideration is given to employee needs or their well-being. - Benevolence-dominant leadership: Caring, compassionate leaders. They genuinely care about the welfare of employees. - Classical paternalistic leadership: As the name implies, the style is more parental. Care and compassion for employees are present but so is the focus on completing tasks. No surprise – the least effective approach to leading and getting results was the authoritarianism-dominant approach. In fact, it had net-negative results on performance. ![hazel eyes woman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/hazel-eyes-woman.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Do you have an eye towards compassion when managing others? On the other hand, the classical paternalistic leadership style yielded very positive outcomes. Investigators think the results from the paternalistic approach may be attributed to early childhood memories whereby the first blueprints were given for leader-follower relationships. But on an intuitive level, doesn’t this make sense? That said, the approach to leadership that also yielded strong results was the benevolence-dominant typology. Translation: Putting equal emphasis on employee well-being and goal attainment is the best way to lead workers. This means treating them with kindness and compassion while exerting your authority with care. **More:** [What exactly sets leaders and followers apart?](https://guycounseling.com/leader-follower-831/) Chou-Yu Tsai, one of the study’s investigators and assistant professor of management at Binghamton University, shared the following in a press release. “Subordinates and employees are not tools or machines that you can just use. They are human beings and deserve to be treated with respect Make sure you are focusing on their well-being and helping them find the support they need, while also being clear about what your expectations and priorities are. This is a work-based version of ‘tough love’ often seen in parent-child relationships.” **Do you treat employees with kindness and compassion?** **Categories:** Career, News **Tags:** Business, Leadership, Management, Supervising --- ### [Should We Be Shocked Men Are Getting Muscle Implants?](https://guycounseling.com/muscle-implants-men-analysis/) **Published:** September 10, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![muscle implants](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/attractive-shirtless-man-selfie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Muscle implants and men – News Analysis  Did you hear the news? According to a recent [report](https://www.plasticsurgery.org/documents/News/Statistics/2017/cosmetic-procedures-men-2017.pdf) released by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS), there has been a surge in the number of men who are getting muscle implants. How much of an increase? Between 2013-2017, try a jaw-dropping 437%. Believe it or not, last year, something like 1.3 million men in the United States underwent some type of cosmetic procedure. In most cases, guys had something minimally invasive done, like [getting Botox injections](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/) or dermal filler. Others opted for more involved work, like liposuction to remove excess body fat around the belly or to treat “man-boobs”, which in clinical speak is called gynecomastia. But the surprise in the data was the increase in the number of males who went to a surgeon specifically for muscle implants. Per the ASPS report, something like 378 men got their calves augmented and another 983 guys got pec implants. When you add it all up, this represents a 59% increase since 2016. At first glance, that 59% may seem like a lot. But is it really? Given the number of men who live in the United States, which [Stastica](https://www.statista.com/statistics/241494/median-age-of-the-us-population/) pegs around 120 million, we’re still talking about a super tiny number. That said, some in the media have been reporting the muscle implant news as if there is something odd going on. Others, hoping to drive traffic to their sites, have sensationalized the data in ways to suggest it all adds up to [body dysmorphic disorder](https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd). But is that really fair or accurate? Conventional wisdom holds that guys who get muscle implants do so because of pressure from social media. To be sure, that is probably true for *some* men. ![muscle dysmorphia](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/muscle-dysmorphia-body-image-issues.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) But as one person named Al said in a [Men’s Health](https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a22776522/plastic-surgery-for-men-implants/) piece, not all males who undergo the proverbial knife do so because of Facebook or Instagram. “I haven’t felt any pressure at any point in my life. However, the more I got exposed to more energetic, healthy people, the more I was attracted to their appearance…if you like worked-out guys, you have to be more worked-out yourself,” he said to Men’s Health. As a counselor who has worked with a lot of guys around body image issues, I can share with you first hand that men care plenty about their personal appearance. As a tribe, we may not talk about how we look with one another because of social taboos. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t constantly thinking about it. Here’s the thing. The male grooming industry is a [multi-billion dollar](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/features/mens-grooming-is-now-a-multi-billion-pound-worldwide-industry-a6813196.html) endeavor. As time has gone on, an increasing number of companies have begun catering to our demographic. If you don’t believe me, just take a walk down the aisle of your local grocery store or pharmacy. You’ll find entire sections now dedicated exclusively to men. In fact, some are so large now that they’ve got special signage. My point is simply to say that we shouldn’t be shocked that men are seeking out cosmetic procedures to enhance their looks. This includes muscle implants. As constructs around masculinity continue to change, we should expect old ways of thinking about “manliness” to evolve. That’s something we can all cheer, right? **Related:** [What are the best men’s face masks?](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/) Sadly, some in the media have framed the increases described above as abnormal; almost as if by anatomical definition, guys shouldn’t be visiting a cosmetic surgeon. But is this approach helpful to those who struggle with serious body image problems? Wouldn’t it make more sense to talk about this topic in ways that respect where men are at in the here and now instead of 1950? As an aside, some of the very websites reporting the uptick in cosmetic procedures and feigning shock also happen to have a heavy presence in the men’s personal care and appearance space. So, is the pressure really just from social media? The hard truth is we are going to see more and more men opting for cosmetic procedures. We shouldn’t jump to conclusions and assume all of them have a distorted self-concept or are in some way broken. Perhaps they are a reflection of where men are at today? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Cosmetic Procedures, Grooming, Men, News Analysis, Personal Care --- ### [How To Change Your Motor Oil in Five Simple Steps](https://guycounseling.com/change-motor-oil-dyi/) **Published:** September 9, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![change motor oil](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/change-motor-oil.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Learn to change your motor oil with ease When I was a kid, my Dad always changed his own motor oil and oil filter on our [family station wagon](https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/07/the-last-great-gasp-of-the-american-station-wagon/373776/). For him, it was a matter of pride and a way to keep his car out of the repair shop. Nowadays, the cost of doing it yourself is just about the same as having a service center do it for you, but I still think it’s a good practice. You’ll have the personal satisfaction of completing the job yourself. It’s a teachable task you can pass on to the next generation, and it’s a great way to kill a weekend afternoon while having a couple of cold ones. It’s not that difficult either. Here are a few easy steps to changing your own motor oil and filter. ## **When to Change Your Oil and Filter?** You should change your oil and filter every 3,000 miles, but you can get away with doing it every 5,000 miles if you don’t drive your car that often. Don’t just go by the numbers though. You need to check the oil yourself. Pop open your hood and look for the long, yellow dipstick. It’s usually yellow but that might not always be the case. There are typically two long dipsticks in your engine block that are easily recognizable: one for the motor oil and one for the transmission fluid. **Related:** [How to change a flat tire](https://guycounseling.com/change-flat-tire/) The transmission fluid is reddish in color. That’s not what you’re looking for here. New motor oil is almost clear or honey-like with a smooth, oily sheen. Motor oil that needs to be changed has a gritty texture and it can look dark brown or even pitch black. ## Tools and Equipment You’ll Need: - Oil Filter and Motor Oil - Oil Filter Wrench or Wide-mouth Adjustable Wrench - Socket set and Ratchet - Funnel - Oil Pan - Jack - Gloves (optional) - Large Towels - Wheel Wedges **GUY TIP**: The owner’s manual will tell you some valuable information like what type of motor oil you need and how many quarts to buy. Most vehicles take about 4.5 quarts of motor oil. When you go to the automotive store, look for a booklet that they keep near the motor oil section. Find your vehicle’s make and model in the booklet and you’ll find the right oil filter for the job. Your total cost for oil and filter will hover between $20 and $30 dollars. ## Step One: Setup for A Quick Job Park your car on a flat, level stretch of pavement. You first need to let your car cool down. The motor oil needs to be cool and sitting at the bottom of your vehicle’s oil pan waiting for you to pull the plug. Get your gear ready. Line up your new oil filter and motor oil quarts. Pull out your socket set, adjustable wrench, and ratchet. Place your oil pan nearby. Put on your gloves if you want to keep your hands clean. Also, you might want to use a large towel so that any motor oil that misses your oil pan won’t stain the pavement. I also use one to place all my tools on. **GUY TIP**: This is the most crucial step. If you don’t have your tools well organized from the start, then this could potentially turn into a long and messy afternoon. The goal is to appreciate this task, and maybe even enjoy it. That can only happen if you ace this first step. ## Step Two: Draining the Old Oil Depending on where you’re changing your oil and what type of vehicle you have, you might need to raise the vehicle. The vehicle’s oil pan is usually located at the bottom rear section of your engine block, so you’ll need to jack up the front end of your car. Place wheel wedges beneath the rear tires because you will be underneath the vehicle. Look for the appropriate section of the frame to place your jack. Some vehicles use arrows to indicate where to place the jack, but it’s usually located about a foot and a half behind your front passenger tire. Now, raise the vehicle using the jack. Once the vehicle is raised you want to feel around underneath the engine block. You want to feel around for a flat metal pan that terminates in a large metal bolt. That’s the drain plug. Now, using your socket set, try a few different socket attachments on that bolt until you get a snug fit. This is kindof fun because you can try to guess the size and see how many times it takes you to get the right one. Bring your oil pan underneath the drain plug before you unscrew it. Once it’s lined up right, go ahead and unscrew that drain plug. Don’t go all the way. Just before it’s ready to fall, you’ll want to unscrew it the last couple of turns by hand, so you don’t lose the plug in a sea of black motor oil. **GUY TIP**: Remember, righty-tighty…lefty-loosey? Well, sometimes it’s reversed. If you give the bolt a good tug and it doesn’t budge, try turning in the opposite direction. ## Step Three: Changing the Old Filter At this point, the old motor oil is draining out of the engine block and that usually takes about six or seven minutes. So, you can come out from underneath the vehicle and get to work on the oil filter while you wait. Most oil filters are bright colored, so you can spot them easily. They can be located nearly anywhere on the engine block. It varies widely from model to model. It’s a round, cylindrical-shaped device. You can look at the new one that you bought to match it up if necessary. Now that you’ve located it. Turn it counter-clockwise using the oil filter wrench attachment or an adjustable head wrench. Take your new oil filter and lubricate the rubber gasket rim with some of the new motor oil. Then, place it back onto the engine block. Hand-tighten only. **GUY TIP**: Surprise. Be careful with the old motor oil filter. There’s some residual motor oil inside. ## Step Four: New Oil Pop back under the vehicle and make sure that all the old oil has drained out. It’s okay if there are just a few drips left. Place the drain plug bolt back onto the vehicle’s oil pan by using the socket set and ratchet. Carefully, pull your oil pan out from underneath the vehicle. You can pour this old motor oil into a metal drum or bucket and take it to your local gas station for recycling later. Now, you can lower your vehicle back down to the pavement and remove the jack and wheel wedges. You still need to put in the new motor oil. There’s a large screw cap on the top of your engine block. It most likely will say: MOTOR OIL on top, but it’s not always the case with older vehicles. Consult the owner’s manual if you’re not sure. Once it’s opened, get your funnel and slowly pour in all the motor oil quarts that you need. When finished, replace the cap and hand-tighten it. You can check the dipstick to make sure that you’ve put the right amount of oil, but if you followed the instructions from the owner’s manual this won’t be necessary. ## Step Five: Clean-Up The job isn’t quite done until you’ve cleaned up your work area. This means wiping down your tools and putting them back in an orderly fashion for the next job. As mentioned earlier, the motor oil can be recycled at your local gas station. It should never be poured down the drain or poured in the grass or dirt. The old motor oil filter can also be recycled. Just wrap it in a sealed plastic or paper bag. ## **The Takeaway** Sure, this maintenance work can be done in 20 minutes by the guys down at the repair shop. These days, it will even cost about the same. That’s not the point though. It’s a rewarding job and a way to connect with your vehicle. You can find other problems in the process such as a leaky gasket or hose that will require repair. It also gets easier every time you do it. I enjoy changing my vehicle’s motor oil and filter to bond with my friends. We all get together once a month or so and do all our cars together. It’s a dirty job, but it’s time well spent. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** automobiles, cars, Motor Oil --- ### [How To Tell If You're Falling In Love With Your Friend](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-tell-if-youre-falling-in-love-with-your-friend/) **Published:** September 9, 2018 **Author:** Devin Jackson Randall **Content:** ### [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/interracial-couple-white-indian-woman-black-man-phone-selfie-la.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/interracial-couple-white-indian-woman-black-man-phone-selfie-la.jpg?ssl=1) ## Are You Falling In Love With Your Friend? Here’s Some Questions To Find Out. There’s an idea out there that guys and girls can’t be just friends. While, that’s not totally true, we understand why some people worry. Because it’s scary, and hard, to realize when you’re falling in love with your friend. There are many kinds of worthwhile friendships out in this world. Some guys like to only be friends with other guys and some guys find solace in friendships with women. On top of that, there are many different kinds of love out there. The love you feel for your mom is totally different than the love you feel for your girlfriend. And the same thing can be said for the loves you feel with your partner and the one you feel with your best friend. But what if you don’t have a partner? And what if you start to realize your love for your best friend is changing? Are you falling in love with your friend? Maybe. Here’s how you can find out. ## 1. Physical Attraction First off, are you physically attracted to your friend? If you’re noticing your friend’s chest or butt often, you might be in trouble. Take the time to actively be aware of what you’re looking at the next time you look at your friend. If you catch yourself staring at them inappropriately more than two or three times, you’re definitely physically into your friend. **Related:** [Should I date my hook up?](https://guycounseling.com/why-date-hookup-10-simple-advices-how-to/) But don’t worry just yet. This doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you’re into your friend romantically. Lust or physical attraction is a natural part of a man’s life. Just because you think your friend is hot doesn’t mean that you have to act on those physical feelings. That’s just a base reaction that can easily change at a moment’s notice. So, it’s good to know if you’re physically attracted to your friend, but it’s only step one in knowing if you’re actually in love with her. ## 2. Spending Time Together Now, do you two spend a lot of time together? Who is the one that’s initiating these meetups? If you’re the one always calling or texting to hang out, you might be feeling her more than you realize. But even more than that, why do you spend so much time with your friend? Is it because they make you laugh? Because they make you feel comfortable? Do you feel like you’re at your best when you’re around them? While a friend can certainly make you feel these ways, if you are feeling this way intensely with your heart and your head heating up, you might not just love your friend. You might be *in love* with your friend. ## [![couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/couple.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/couple.jpeg?ssl=1) ## 3. Do They Make You Happy? In What Ways? Going with that, in what ways do you make your friend happy and in what ways do they make you happy? Do you take care of them when they’re sick or vice versa? Do you worry about what you’re wearing when you two go out? Do you highly regard their opinions? Do you find comfort in just being around them? These are all important questions for any relationship, but they hold a special weight and truth when you’re in love with someone. Again, we’re looking for intense feelings here. If you’re thinking of one specific friend right now, compare your answers here with other friends you have. Are your feelings for this friend stronger than the rest? Maybe it’s because you don’t just love her, you’re *in love* with her. ## 4. Social Circles Speaking of other friends, do you have any? That’s not an attack of any sort, but the question is important. If you don’t have a lot of social circles like friends at work, hobby friends, childhood friends, roommates, etc, you might find that one friend and then stick to them. Finding a best friend and a comrade in life is a blessing we all deserve. But spending all your time with that friend can easily lead to some confusing feelings. If you’re worried about falling in love with a friend, consider spending your time elsewhere. Don’t ignore and ghost your friend, but get some fresh air and see if your feelings are simply from the constant close proximity. ## [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/crush-black-man-white-woman-stare-looking-friends.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/crush-black-man-white-woman-stare-looking-friends.jpg?ssl=1) ## 5. How Do You Think Of Them Now what’s also important to wonder is how you think of your friend. Is your friend an important fixture in your life? Does her presences mean the world to you in ways that other friends and people don’t? If so, that’s nice, but it might also be an indication that you’re feelings are veering towards falling in love and not just a friendly love. Take some time to meditate on your thoughts about your friend. Do you go out with them because you enjoy their company or because you need their company? Does the thought of her make your heart feel a little heavy? **Related:** [7 first date tips for guys](https://guycounseling.com/first-date-tips-men/) It might just be that you subconsciously already know the answer to these questions, but you are consciously avoiding them. Take time to breathe and really unbiasedly think about your thoughts and feelings for your friend. You might find the answer alarming. ## 6. The Future While you’re thinking about your friend, one important question to ask is how you see your relationship going in the future. You’ve probably heard the cliché advice of planning 5 to 10 years ahead of time. If you haven’t had a teacher ask you, “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?,” you got off lucky. So now, take that same strategy but apply your friendship under that gaze. Where do you see yourself, and your friend, in 10 years? Are you still friends? Are you more? How close are you both emotionally and physically? Do you still live near each other or have you moved on? Do you visit and how often? Depending on how dependent you are on your friend’s presence in your life, you may be more in love with them than you ever realized. [![couple bar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/couple-bar.jpg?ssl=1) ## 7. Forbidden Fruit Lastly, is it possible you’re feeling something for your friend because they aren’t a viable romantic option? Maybe it’s the idea of the forbidden fruit that’s attracting you to them. Maybe she’s a lesbian, maybe she’s already dating a guy, or maybe she has just expressed her disinterest. No matter the reason, the idea that you can’t have her might be the reason you want her. ## Be Honest The key in all of these steps is to be honest with yourself. If you’re already questioning whether you are interested in, attracted to, or in love with your friend, then you clearly are displaying intense feelings. Be honest with yourself about the cause of those feelings and how they play out in your relationships. Once you do, you can decide on whether you want to act on them or move past them and move on to other women. **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Friends, Friendzone, Girlfriend, Love, Relationships --- ### [Ariat Men’s Cowboy Boots – Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/ariat-mens-cowboy-boots-review/) **Published:** September 8, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![cowboy boots](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cowboy-boots.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Review of Ariat Men’s Cowboy Boots (Rambler)** Searching around for cowboy boots? Thinking of getting the Ariat Western Boot for men? Trying to find a real review without a bunch of nonsense? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I purchased a pair of [Ariat](https://www.ariat.com/) Men’s Cowboy Boots about a year ago. Now that a sufficient period of time has passed, I thought I would share my impressions. Before getting to far in, I want to say that I’m not getting a dime for writing this piece – not from the folks at Ariat and not from an affiliate program. Additionally, the company did not ask me to review their products. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BWbN_enluLk/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Buying the cowboy boots Let’s start out my decision to buy the boots. It’s pretty simple. I’m a guy that has traditionally gravitated towards the more rugged look – [like denim jackets](https://guycounseling.com/denim-jacket-guide/) and work boots. But after seeing a buddy of mine with a pair of cowboy boots on that looked kind of swank, I figured why not. In my friend’s case, he had on the Ariat Western Ramblers. So, guess what? Yep, I decided to get a pair for myself. In my case, I ordered directly from the company, but you can also get them from many online retailers. When the box arrived at my home, I was totally stoked to open it up and slip the boots on. Once I made sure they fit (which they did) I started wearing them a few times a week. I’m talking about everything from meeting with people for business matters to casual encounters with friends. Below, you will find a quick rundown of my “Likes” and “Dislikes”. **Here’s what I liked about Ariat’s Cowboy Boots:** - Pre-worn distressed look - Made from genuine leather - Wide, square toe that made for roomier fit - Excellent traction on the soles - Semi-lightweight - Awesome brown color - Gave me extra height - Boots looked great with a suit **Here’s what I didn’t like:** - Somewhat difficult to slip into because of 11’ shaft - Wearing thick sox caused a little camping - Not always easy to get off - Feet sweat – somewhat ![Capricorn horse](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/horse.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) I’d like to address a few things regarding the “didn’t like” section. To begin with, with traditional cowboy boots, it’s only natural for them not to slip on and off with ease. We’re talking about a shaft of 11 inches, you know? Also, boots, be they western, military or construction, aren’t designed to allow air circulation like a pair of [Puma sneakers](https://guycounseling.com/mens-puma-carson-2-review/). With that said, you are probably wondering the answer to the central question of this post: Do the Ariat Rambler Cowboy Boots seem worth the money? At a national retail price of $159.00, the boots are competitive with other brands that have a similar look. Speaking only for myself, I must say that I have been extremely pleased. The reason I like them so much is because of their versatility. I’ve literally worn these guys when I’m out and about with friends in a casual atmosphere. But I’ve also put them on with a suit (twice). The first time was at a [funeral and wake](https://guycounseling.com/wake-funeral-questions/) for my aunt. The second was for the wedding of my niece. On both occasions, I got compliments on the boots. In addition, the Ariat’s also gave me a good 1.5 inches in height. When you are 5-7, that’s kind of a lot, you know? The additional height comes from the boot’s heel, which is cool. I recognize there are other reviews on the web that suggest the Rambler Boots from Ariat aren’t well constructed and that they cost too much. All I can tell you is that I’ve been super happy. Summer, winter, fall, and spring, I have had the boots on. Not once have they frayed or otherwise come apart. Obviously, you will want to read other reviews online to get different perspectives. For what it is worth, I’ll just leave you with the fact that my brother purchased a pair recently after inquiring about mine. When I asked him if he liked them, he said he totally did. Do you own a pair of Ariat western style cowboy boots, perhaps the Ramblers? If so, what has been your experience? **Were they worth the money?** **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style, Reviews **Tags:** Cowboy Boots, Footwear, Puma, Rugged --- ### [How To Pick a Survival Tent Made Simple](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/) **Published:** September 8, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![survival tent how to choose](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/choosing-a-survival-tent.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1)** ## **Best Survival Tent Choices** When I was 15-years old, I had to sleep in a survival tent for two days. It happened over the summer during a canoeing trip along the Chippewa River in Wisconsin. At the time, I was with a small group of guys from the military school I attended. Along our planned route on the Flambeau tributary, we were slated to stop for a few nights in a cabin. But things didn’t go according to plan. That’s because during our stay, a tremendous downpour made the old wooden structure we were going to stay in completely unsafe. Unbeknownst to us, dry rot had previously set in and had caused the support beams to power. Talk about a dangerous situation. Thankfully, we had packed several survival tents with us, which was a requirement per school policy. As any outdoorsman knows, unplanned emergencies can happen in a heartbeat and you need to be ready. ![survival tent basics](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/therapist-for-men-guy-counseling-life-coaching-chicago.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Survival tent basics ## **Survival Tent is a Must** Ever since that time, I’ve always kept a survival tent at home along with an emergency kit nearby. That may sound silly for someone living in Chicago but it’s true. You may be wondering if survival tents *really* have a place in the modern world? My answer to that rhetorical question is *yes* – big time. Data listed on the Federal Emergency Management Agency ([FEMA](https://www.fema.gov/disasters/grid/year)) website suggests 2016 had one of the highest number of natural disasters for the United States, totaling a whopping 103. Compare that with 1960, where the disaster tally came out to 10. But if you look at the numbers, each year the numbers have been climbing. All of this is happening at a time when climate change is a very real concern and severe weather events are becoming more frequent. Just think about how many devastating tornados have hit the Midwest in recent years. And who can forget hurricane Sandy that pummeled parts of the East Coast? My point is that all of us need to be prepared in case of a sudden emergency that forces us out of our homes. That’s why one of the most important resources you can have at the ready is a survival tent. On a related note, having a [survival backpack](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/) also matters. I’ll level with you – knowing stored a tent in your home for quick access will provide serious peace of mind. Should something terrible happen that causes you and/or your family the need to bug out, you can feel confident knowing you’ll have some place to go. I keep my tent in a storage closet. It doesn’t take up much room and is very easy to get at. Once in a great while, I also take it with me on cabin trips up to the Northern Woods of Wisconsin. I guess I still feel paranoid about what happened so many years ago. ![survival tent emergencies](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/survival-tents-emergencies.jpg?resize=500%2C345&ssl=1)Survival tents are a must now a days A survival tent is just as it sounds – a tent that is designed to help you survive over the short term. Think of it as a temporary resource that has many different functions. Below is a short list: - Short term shelter - Central gathering place - Protection from elements - Safe, dry place to sleep - Make shift home - Family command post When it comes to a survival tent, less is way better than more, regardless of what you might see on television or movies. If your tent is too big, it will be difficult to store. Your first priority is to choose a survival tent that has a high degree of utility. Function always trumps style. That’s why you want to pick something with simple features. !["<yoastmark](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/hiking-backpack-supplies.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1) ## **Survival Tent: 7 Important Features** ### **Survival Tent Feature #1: Size** Obviously, the size of your survival tent is going to greatly depend upon on how many people will be in it. If you have a big family, this may mean you need one large tent, such as the Core 12 Person Instant Tent featured below. [See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2l1Hqdw) for a great price. [![survival tent large](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/maxresdefault-1.jpg?resize=521%2C293&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2l1Hqdw)Large survival tent But remember, when disaster strikes, there’s often little time to prepare. This is why it’s critical for you to create a plan in advance. At a moment’s notice, you may need to reach for your tent(s). If it’s just you, a small shelter will do just fine. But if it’s you and family members – and perhaps a pet – think bigger. Current [estimates](http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/05/08/ideal-size-of-the-american-family/) suggest the average American family size is around 4 persons. ### **Survival Tent Feature #2: Quick Setup** The second feature is the ability to quickly set up your tent. The last thing you want to do in a crisis is to spend precious time fumbling around with complicated gadgets and direction guides to set up shelter. ![survival tent](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/survival-tent.jpg?resize=500%2C335&ssl=1)Think quick set up with a survival tent The more stakes you have to drive into the ground, the more time you’ll consume with set up. In truth, it’s all about how the tent is constructed as opposed to the number of ground spikes. ### **Survival Tent Feature #3: Light Weight** A lightweight tent is critical when thinking of survival. That’s because you’re likely going to be lugging around other types of gear, including meals ready to eat (MRE’s), lanterns, and hopefully, some type of self-defense weapon like a survival knife. [![msr fury tent](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/msr-fury-tent.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2kUTtqt)The MSR Fury tent is a great choice for emergency shelter Your [situational awareness abilities](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/) are already going to be challenged. And cognitive skills that allow you to do simple tasks will be stressed. That’s why I think having something like the MSR 2 Person Fury is a smart choice. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kUTtqt) for price. ### **Survival Tent Feature #4: Water/Windproof** Storms and other natural disasters usually strike in waves. For example, the rainstorm that made the Wisconsin cabin I mentioned unsafe to stay in was followed by several more days of rough weather. [![3 person survival tent or storage tent](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/toogh-waterproof-3-season-tent.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)](http://amzn.to/2lCxaWw)Make sure your survival tent is water proof Your best bet when selecting a survival tent is to look for something that is waterproof and windproof. All of the tents mentioned here meet that criterion however, I am particularly fond of the Toogh Waterproof 3-Season Tent. It’s easy to set up and is designed to withstand even the ugliest of storms. [Check Amazon for cost](http://amzn.to/2lCxaWw) ### **Survival Tent Feature #5: Storage** One of the things I was glad we had on that canoe trip along the Eagle River was a small storage tent. This allowed our group to put life sustaining supplies in a central place without taking up room in our sleeping tent. ![survival tent storage](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/two-person-tent-survival-tent.jpg?resize=450%2C381&ssl=1)Don’t forget a tent for storage You may hear different things on the Internet but all I can tell you is having something smallish works best. After all, you will be creating something *temporary* that will shelter you and/or your family over a several day period. The tent shared above is a basic two-person product by the folks at Poco Divo. It’s waterproof, windproof and roomy. See [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kUQE8G) for pricing. FYI: Some tents come with a built in storage areas. The decision to get something separate will largely depend upon your needs and the other criterion mentioned above. I’ll also say that if you are in bear country, give thought to a specialized [container](http://amzn.to/2kUAsV9) designed to protect food from animals. ### **Survival Tent Feature 6: Flooring** Depending upon the terrain and weather conditions, you may need to have ready additional flooring for your main survival tent. This makes sense is the ground is wet or if the threat of heavy rain is on the horizon. Here’s a quick video replete with sound effects of rain falling on a tent. It may sound nice but it’s also a reminder of why waterproofing is important. An easy remedy for this is to pick up a tent flooring product. I like Brucell’s brand because it’s made from Oxford cloth that is waterproof. If you shop for something like this, make sure the flooring fits the dimensions of your tent. Click to see [Amazon’s pricing](http://amzn.to/2kFaeHI). ### **Survival Tent Feature #7: Tools** Most tents will come with a standard set of gear for assembly. Here, I’m talking about stakes and maybe attached rope. But in my experience, stakes can quickly become lost in the rush of the moment. ![survival emergency tents](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/hypnosis-mindfulness-chicago.jpg?resize=500%2C354&ssl=1)Extra tent tools never hurt It doesn’t hurt to have a bag of additional stakes *just in case* something gets misplaced. While you are at it, it might be helpful to pick up a [tent mallet](http://amzn.to/2kxHZIv) and drop it into your main survival tent bag so that it’s ready to go. ## **Survival Tent Supplies** Obviously, you are going to need a number of supplies as part of your survival strategy when setting up a tent shelter. I could probably list out three dozen different items here and the list would still be incomplete. To make things simple, I’m going to talk about the biggies. If you want something more comprehensive, I encourage you to either create your own list and keep it nearby your tent or consider picking up a copy of *[Build Your Perfect Bugout Bag](http://amzn.to/2kirsXM)* by the folks at Betterway Books. ### **Survival Tent Essentials** - Medications in waterproof container - Meals that are ready to eat (MRE’s) - Survival knife - First Aid Kit - Mobile Phone - [Sleeping bags](https://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=d00cf34cccd972d8cdf375b3f0327e01&camp=1789&creative=9325&index=sporting&keywords=sleeping%20bags%22%3eSleeping%20bags) - Water in jugs or canteens - Flashlights - Waterproof matches - Flares - Toothbrushes with toothpaste - Lanterns - Ponchos - Energy bars - Warm clothing - Multi-tool - Emergency credit card - Water purification tablets - Pet food - Rope ![survival tent information resources](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/emergency-survival-tent-inform.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)Survival tent supplies ## **Thoughts on Survival Tent Supplies** If you live in a small space, you may need to reflect on your supply list with care. This is particularly true in urban settings where closet space to place bug out items may be at a premium. There are options, however, even for city dwellers. One product I highly recommend is made by Ready America. It’s an emergency 4-perspon backpack that comes with many of the supplies mentioned above and then some. What I like about this kit is that it has the basic essentials. This can be easily placed next to your emergency tent(s). Should it ever be necessary, all you have to do is sling it over your shoulders, grab your tent and get out the door. [Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2kFbavv) for price. I also want to emphasize the importance of a survival knife. This particular tool may be critical to you and your family’s ability to stay alive. There are many reasons you’ll need a specialized knife but the main ones include: 1) self-defense, 2) food preparation and; 3) cutting and whittling activities. There are more guides on survival knives on the Internet than I can shake a stick at. All I can tell you is that it is in your best interest to get one. Personally, I have a CDS-Survival MOVA-58 stainless steel outdoor hunting knife. I like it because it has a blade length of 5.7 inches. It also has a cocobolo wood handle that is sturdy to touch. And it comes in a genuine leather sheath with sharpener stone and firesteel. See [Amazon’s price](http://amzn.to/2kFhWBx) for this knife. ## **Survival Tent Final Thoughts** You may never have to reach for your survival tent or accompanying supplies. In fact, I sincerely hope you don’t. But I can tell you from experience that unexpected things do happen. From a psychological standpoint, emergency situations often take people by surprise, leaving them in a mental haze. You can have peace of mind knowing that you have taken the proper steps necessary to keep you and your family safe by putting together a survival strategy that includes tents and many of the items discussed above. Remember folks – life happens. John PS: It’s a good idea to practice setting up your emergency tent each year as part of a comprehensive “prep drill”. I do it each summer and always learn something new. References: Federal Emergency Management Association. (2017) *Disaster declarations by year.* Retrieved from the web at: https://www.fema.gov/disasters/grid/year **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Backpack, Bad weather, Disaster, Emergency, Man Skills, nature, Survival Tent --- ### [5 Gadgets for Outdoor Survival Every Guy Should Own](https://guycounseling.com/outdoor-survival-gadgets-981/) **Published:** September 8, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![outdoorsman survival gadgets ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/outdoorsman.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "survival gadgets") ## Outdoor survival gadgets The Great Outdoors beckons, gentlemen. Hiking, biking, camping, fishing, kayaking: these are all great outdoor pursuits that can bring you a greater sense of inner peace and provide the weekend reboot you need to get back to the daily grind of urban life. That doesn’t mean you need to leave all your gadgets behind. You don’t have anything to prove by roughing it outdoors. It’s the wilderness – that’s rough enough. There are an estimated 50,000 Search and Rescue missions conducted in the United States each year. Men aged 20 to 25 are the most likely group to be SAR targets, seconded only by men aged 50 to 60. So, don’t make yourself a [statistic](http://www.bioone.org/doi/abs/10.1580/08-WEME-OR-299R.1). Take a closer look at these life-saving, must-have gadgets for your next outdoor adventure. **1. PIEPS Micro Beacon –** Let’s face it: unless you’re Bear Grylls there’s a chance you could get lost in the wild. It happens so easily, but this handy little device can turn things around in your favor. The [PIEPS Micro Beacon](https://amzn.to/2Pr5F07) is the smallest and lightest 3 antennae beacon on the market. You can find it on sale with Amazon. It’s just 5.3 ounces with dimensions of 4.2 x 2.9 x 0.8 inches. This small device can save your life in the back country. It has a nifty feature that toggles between SEND and SEARCH automatically. Keep it in your pocket and the beacon is set to SEND. Pull it out of the harness and it automatically searches. **2. Baladeo Dakota Survival Card –** This is a gnarly-looking gadget that packs a ton of functionality into the same space as your credit card. It’s got a ruler, a bottle opener, two screwdrivers, belt cutter, saw blade, can opener, and a wrench. It has a stainless-steel finish and comes with a black nylon sheath and a length of paracord. **Related:** [10 best survival tents ](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/) Surprisingly, it’s durable enough to actually perform the functions that it advertises. The Dakota can help you build a fire, set up camp, scavenge material from wreckage, and save you from having to lug around 10 different items. Yes, the Baladeo Dakota Survival Card can save your life, but it can also save you from boredom. Go on and impress your buddies by opening your beer with something you pulled out of your wallet. ![survival outdoors](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/man-reflecting-water.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)You may have to drink water from a river, lake or stream **3. Lifestraw Personal Water Filter –** You can survive for at least three to four weeks without food, but according to [Dr. Claude Piantadosi of Duke University](https://www.nbcnews.com/healthmain/pulled-rubble-after-16-days-water-secret-survival-1C9876099), you can only last about 100 hours in average temperatures without water. In a survival situation, you’ll have less than that. Finding a clean source of drinking water might not always be an option in the wilderness and that’s why the [Lifestraw Personal Water Filter](https://amzn.to/2C6DmCv) is a must-have for outdoorsmen. It’s available on Amazon. You can use it for up to a thousand gallons before you need to replace the Lifestraw, but it can be purchased in packs of two or three. It might not seem natural – stooping down to a brown sludge pool and taking a drink, but the Lifestraw makes it possible. It has a membrane inside that filters out 99.99 percent of waterborne bacteria and parasites. It can also filter out microplastics. **4. Buschnell Bear Grylls SolarWrap Charger –** Trips to the Great Outdoors often include GoPros, drone cameras, smart phones, and other battery-powered electronic devices. That’s why you need to bring a solar power charger with you. This one is compact, lightweight and tough enough to have Bear Grylls’ name on it. The SolarWrap Charger is compatible with standard size and mini-USB input/output. It has a 2200 mAH lithium-ion battery onboard that can reach full capacity with 10 hours of direct sunlight. You can then transfer that energy to your portable devices. The solar panel rolls up to a small tube that can easily be stowed away in your field pack. The SolarWrap Charger is also paired with Bushnell Powerview 8×21 Folding Roof Prism Binoculars. **5. The Caflano Klassic –** Nothing beats waking up in the morning, breaking camp and still being able to enjoy a fantastic cup of coffee. You don’t even need an extra kettle or pot for this gadget to provide your morning jolt. The Cafflano Klassic looks like a regular tumbler and only weighs 1 pound. It’s an all-in-one pour over style coffee maker. It comes complete with a burr grinder, a stainless filter, and pouring kettle. Plus, you get a drinking tumbler and lid. This product holds 450 mL and only takes about five minutes and three easy steps to produce a great cup. Take it anywhere and use it anytime. **Related:** [7 wilderness survival skills revealed](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/) **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Outdoors, Outdoorsman, Survival --- ### [15 Things to Leave Off Your Resume](https://guycounseling.com/resume-tips/) **Published:** September 7, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![job resume](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/business-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Things to leave off your resume It’s easy to list the essential items on a resume such as job experience, companies worked for, skills, college degree, and so forth. However, many job applicants don’t realize that there are also many things to avoid putting on their resume. Your resume is something that should be carefully reviewed and looked over in order to ensure the very best chances of [being hired](https://guycounseling.com/new-hire-employee-tips/). A few simple mistakes could completely ruin your chances of getting the career that you want. Here are a few things to avoid listing on your resume: **1. Salary information.** Most jobs don’t require you to put your previous salaries on your resume, so you’ll just come across as looking uninformed. Additionally, including your salary information might make it harder for you to properly negotiate for the kind of salary that you want. **2. Short-term jobs.** Any time a potential employer sees that you’ve only worked at a certain place for a month or two, it raises some red flags. Why were you only employed for such a short period of time? Leave these off your resume if at all possible. **3. Your picture.** Usually, there is no reason to include your picture unless you’re trying to become a model or something like that. In fact, many companies discreetly discriminate against looks in their hiring process. **4. Physical attributes.** Similar to your picture, your physical attributes are also probably unrelated to the job. **5. Age.** Perceived age discrimination is something that all employers want to avoid at all costs. For this reason, they cannot ask about your age during the interview process. It is a good idea to leave off your age just in case of any conflicts. **6. Number of kids.** Some moms really learn a lot about management after dealing with their children for several years. However, some employers might not see it the same way. They might assume that you will take time off early to pick up the kids from school and whatnot. **7. Extra pages.** Ideally, your resume should only be one page. It should be clear and concise and leave out any unnecessary details. By keeping it to one page, you will be saving time and paper. **8. Gaps in employment.** Your employer will think that employment gaps that are a few months long will make you seem lazy or unmotivated. Make sure to have a reasonable explanation, such as school. **9. References.** Employers don’t ask for references on your resume, so adding them will just make you look uninformed. They might ask for some during some other point of the interview process, but don’t add any to your resume. **10. High school.** Unless you only have a GED, you shouldn’t include high school information. Chances are that you are already graduated from college, so high school information is unnecessary. **11. Hobbies.** In most cases, your hobbies are completely irrelevant. They will just take up space on your resume. **12. Religious or political affiliation.** Unless you’re applying to a spot at a church or another religious organization, there’s no reason to disclose such information. Employers aren’t allowed to discriminate on either of these areas, so they will never ask for either of them. **13. Objective.** An objective usually describes what you’re looking for. However, employers should already know what you want: a job at their company. **14. Jobs that are 10 years old.** You only really need to list your most recent and relevant experience. You shouldn’t have to reach back more than a decade for work experience. **15. Subjective descriptions.** You might think you’re a “great leader” or “good at time management,” but those things are subjective and can easily be exaggerated. Add some sort of objectivity, such as goals you’ve accomplished. **Conclusion** The job application process is very difficult. Job seekers must find ways to stick out from the crowd while competing against dozens of other applicants. Use these techniques so that you realize all the things you shouldn’t do. Most employers won’t give resume feedback, so it’s up to you to spot the mistakes. **Categories:** Career, Field Notes **Tags:** Interview, Jobs, Resume, Work --- ### [Men Who Are Raped Less Likely To Report (Study)](https://guycounseling.com/men-raped-reporting-962/) **Published:** September 6, 2018 **Author:** Patrick O'Tool **Content:** ![man reflecting after being raped](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/man-reflecting.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: New study offers clues about barriers to reporting sexual assault** ## QUICK STORY A new study has been released by researchers at Binghamton University at New York that suggests men who are the victims of sexual assault are less likely to file a report with authorities because of long-standing (stereotypical) views on what it means to be a man. ## LONG VERSION When people hear the term “sexual assault”, it usually conjures up mental imagery of a woman being overpowered by a man. But did you know that men are also raped? It’s true and it happens more often than you think. According to the website [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence), 1 in 10 who are sexually assaulted in America happen to be male. The problem is we don’t hear much about them because most guys aren’t comfortable with talking about what happened. Now, a new study published in the [Journal of Interpersonal Violence](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0886260518795171) may help to shed light on this issue. Researchers at Binghamton University and SUNY Broome Community College asked over 900 college students (male and female) to read a series of vignettes that depicted clear situations of rape. **The scenarios included mixed dynamics, such as:** - Men violating women - Women violating men - Men violating men After reading the material, participants were asked how much blame to assign the victim or the perpetrator. Additionally, they were also asked how likely they were to report the incident to the cops. ![Man with stress rape victim](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/reduced-stress.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Coming forward is difficult for many men The results showed that the guys were less likely to step forward and say anything because of self-held beliefs about masculinity. Additionally, the findings also revealed that men were more likely to blame the victims than the actual perpetrators. Richard Mattson, a study author and Associate Professor of Psychology at Binghamton University, made the following observations. “In general, participants were ambivalent about disclosing that they had been sexually assaulted, even though they identified the attack as a definite rape.” He goes on to add: “The participants gender role beliefs and sexual orientation, together with the sex of the perpetrator, seems to affect their attributions of blame, which could influence this tenuous decisional balance in ways that map onto patterns of underreporting in actual rapes.” In recent years, there has been an increased focus on cases of male sexual assault, particularly in the age of #metoo. Sadly, some have jumped to faulty conclusions about why these assaults happened, including ridiculous sexual orientation stereotypes. **Related:** [Man raped in prison by a gang](https://guycounseling.com/prison-rape-true-story/) Guy Counseling explored this issue in February when we spoke to a certified sex therapist about why some men don’t talk about being violated. [See this post](https://guycounseling.com/male-prison-rape-gay-straight/). The new study appearing in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence suggests that as a tribe, we (as in the male community) need to do a much better job of challenging our toxic beliefs about what it means to be a man. As professor Mattson said in a [press release](https://bit.ly/2NUTk3Q) about the study: “We hope these findings will serve to prevent the inadvertent and unjust blaming of victims while giving guilty perpetrators a pass.” **Categories:** News **Tags:** Rape. Sexual Assault, research --- ### [Can You Be In Love with Two People at the Same Time?](https://guycounseling.com/love-two-people-same-time/) **Published:** September 6, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/love-with-two-people-at-once.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **When you are in love two and unsure of what to do** “Is it possible to be in love with two people at once?” That’s a question I often get from men who have found themselves in the confusing situation of having feelings for two people at the same time. I can tell you with confidence that these types of scenarios are never planned. It’s almost always the case that the man is already in a committed relationship with another and feeling quite satisfied. But then, someone new comes along, such as a coworker or business acquaintance and bam – an instant attraction develops that is both physical and emotional. As this new relationship continues, the attraction intensifies. Suddenly, the guy realizes that he’s drawn to this individual in ways that are usually reserved for lovers. At some point, [infidelity can happen](https://guycounseling.com/cheated-girlfriend-confession/). Here, I’m talking about emotional and or physical cheating. Quite often, it’s a combination of both. In the beginning stages, denial is usually present; a psychological defense mechanism that helps shield people from the difficult truth of a situation. But at some point, the man looks in the mirror and realizes, that deep inside, he’s in love with two people at once. It is at this point \[usually\] an existential crisis sets in that is characterized by fantasy-based thinking. **Examples include:** - Thinking he can continue juggling two people at once forever. - Entertaining thoughts of a polyamorous relationship, even though he realizes neither party would ever be open to this. - Believing that magically, the situation will self-resolve. ![i love with two at once](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/man-reflecting-water.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)In love with two at once? ## Wrong to Love Two at Once? If any of what has been described rings true, there’s a good chance you are wondering if loving two people at once is wrong? My honest answer to that is *no*. All of us are human and capable of developing feelings for another. Additionally, love isn’t a non-renewable resource that is rationed out like a closely rare commodity. Instead, it’s an emotion that develops over the course of time and can express itself in many different forms. If you have a chance, I encourage you to [read about Lee’s Love Styles](http://www.psychologycharts.com/six-love-styles.html) to learn more. What you need to know is that when isolated, love is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, I would argue that the more you try to deny feelings for another, the more powerful it becomes. It was Carl Jung, the famous Swiss Psychiatrist who is credited with saying, “What we resist persists.” In the case of loving two people at once, his words kind of fit, don’t you think? But here is the catch so listen up. There will come a time where a forced choice may be thrust upon you. It could happen in more ways than I can shake a stick at. The most common cause, however, is getting busted. Which leads us to our next area: What to do? ![man in love with two people](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/virgo-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Choosing someone isn’t easy ## Choosing – Easier Said Than Done This is the difficult part and to keep it real, the source of denial I spoke about earlier. Up until this point, your mind has shielded you against the emotional trauma of loss. But once reality sets in and acceptance of all that is happening becomes obvious, tough questions must be asked that usually have no good answers. For example: - If you reveal to one that you are in love with another, you may get dumped. - If you tell them both you have feelings for each, they may both dump you. - If you decide to break things off with both individuals, you’ll be left with no one. Complicating matters are your feelings. Deep inside, I’m guessing there is a part of you that realizes each person has their own unique qualities you are attracted to. In this way, they are fulfilling something missing from your life. For example, one may be funny while the other more intellectual. Conversely, you may relate to one differently than you do the other. Here are some questions for self-reflection: Are you more sexual with \[fill in the blank\] than you are with \[fill in the blank\]? Does each person fill different voids in your life? At the end of the day, a decision really needs to be made. If you are like some men I know, you probably have already whipped out a notepad and pen, drawn a line down the middle, and created a “pros and cons” sheet. Here is the problem with that approach. It’s logical. But what you are feeling doesn’t operate on the logical plain of existence. Instead, it emanates from *[The ID](https://www.simplypsychology.org/psyche.html)*; a Freudian term used to describe an aspect of the personality that operates on the pleasure principle. Sucks, doesn’t it? The hard truth is this. There isn’t a clear-cut answer to the dilemma you are in. Conventional wisdom holds that you should ask yourself how you got into this situation in the first place. Sure, that may be useful. But how does that help to resolve the crisis you are facing in the here and now? The answer is it doesn’t. Down the road, there will be plenty of time to reflect and conduct a self-inventory. What I can tell you is that for most guys, they have found real answers by **getting off the emotional merry-go-round**. In other words, they hit the pause button. When you decide to do this, you are making the active decision to take a break from both parties. In turn, this allows you time to clear your head and identify your feelings. The good thing is that taking this approach provides space for healthy decision making. And more than anything else right now, you need to take a step back to figure out your next moves. As an aside, some guys find it helpful to talk to someone during this period, like a counselor or relationship coach. Other men find solace in being in [nature](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/), thereby quieting their minds. Finally, depending on your situation, you may need to tell both people that you want a [break from the relationship](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-break-space/). This will no doubt cause difficult questions to be asked. You’ll have to get honest with yourself and decide how you want to answer them. I won’t lie to you. There may be unpleasant consequences. Like we talked about earlier, there are no good options here. That’s because love doesn’t work like a light switch that can be flipped on or off at our whim. If only this were true. One thing is for sure. This can’t go on forever. You have to make a decision. Someone is likely to get hurt. The question at this point is who and how much? I hope that whatever happens works out for you. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Love, Relationships --- ### [How to Change a Flat Tire In 5 Simple Steps](https://guycounseling.com/change-flat-tire/) **Published:** September 5, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![how to change a flat tire](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/flat-tire.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Learn how to change a flat tire quickly One minute you’re driving along listening to your favorite song and the next minute you hear that *flap-flap-flap* sound that can mean only one thing: you’ve got a flat tire. Handling this situation can be as easy as calling a repair service like AAA or even your local dealer. They’ll send someone out to your location and do the job of changing your flat tire for a small fee. The other option is to get your hands dirty and change that flat tire yourself. Here are some helpful tips and a step-by-step guide. ## Tools and Equipment You’ll Need: - Spare Tire (usually located in the trunk or underneath the frame of the vehicle) - Lug Wrench - Jack - Flares or Emergency Road Signals - Wheel Wedges - Flashlight - Gloves (optional) **GUY TIP**: The spare tire, lug wrench and jack should come with your vehicle as standard equipment. Check your spare tire regularly to make sure that you have adequate tire pressure. 60 PSI is the normal amount of air pressure for most spare tires. You could get a flat tire at any time of day so make sure that you carry a flashlight with working batteries. Even better, get yourself a wind-up flashlight like [this one](https://amzn.to/2C2KyPS). ## Step One: Pull Over Safely Immediately put on your hazard lights and reduce your speed. This alerts other drivers that you have a problem. The first thing you’re going to want to do is find a safe place to change your tire. Check road signs and billboards to see if there is a service station or a rest stop near you. Other ideal places are a wide shoulder or a side street that doesn’t get much traffic. Your vehicle can most likely drive a mile or two with a flat tire at low speeds, but any more than that will risk damaging the wheel itself. You don’t want to add that pricey fix to your bill. Pull the vehicle over, engage your parking brake, and set up your emergency flares or road side hazard indicators. Avoid hills and inclined roads. Try to pull over onto a stretch of straight pavement. Put wedges underneath your tires to prevent the vehicle from rolling off the jack. For example, if your rear passenger side tire is blown, you should put wedges behind the front wheels. **GUY TIP**: If you don’t have wheel wedges, you can always use heavy rocks or bricks. Take a look around your area and chances are high that you can find something heavy enough to do the job. ## Step Two: Set up Your Gear Organizing your tools and gear in an orderly fashion will make this a 20-minute task and not a 2-hour one. There’s nothing to it if you start by laying out all your essential items in a manner that makes everything easy to find and reach. Keep that flashlight handy if you’re changing your tire at night. Pull your spare tire out from its housing. This might be as simple as picking it up from the recess of your trunk, but you might have to unscrew a fastener, as is the case with some SUVs like the Toyota 4Runner. Next, get out your lug wrench and jack. These items are usually paired together. They come in all shapes and sizes. The lug wrench might have a single bar or four bars arranged in a cross. The jack will have a distinctive accordion-like feature and a crank that can be operated by hand or foot. ## Step Three: Prepare to Remove the Tire A crucial error that people make when changing their own tire is raising the vehicle before you’re prepared to remove the damaged tire. If you put the vehicle on the jack first, then the tire will just keep spinning when you try to remove the lug nuts. Remember: 20-minute task vs. 2-hour task. Start by removing the hubcap or wheel cover. **Related:** [Why am I dreaming about driving?](https://guycounseling.com/driving-car-dream-meaning/) Some vehicles don’t have covers, but you want to be able to visibly see the lug nuts. The wheel cover will come off easily by placing a flathead screwdriver or even your car key in the notch. It just pops out. Then, attach the lug wrench to one of the lug nuts and turn counter-clockwise. Avoid hurting your back by using leverage instead of brute strength. You don’t need to remove the lug nuts, just loosen them. Move to the opposite lug nut of the one you first worked on and loosen that one, too. Work in a star pattern. Loosen the opposite side of the configuration to avoid putting too much strain on any single lug nut. **GUY TIP**: The wheel cover is a great place to put your lug nuts so that they don’t get lost. ## Step Four: Jack It Up Now, search underneath the vehicle on the side where you have a flat tire. You’re looking for a notch or a flat section of the metal frame that is specifically designed for raising the vehicle. Be careful here. You could damage the frame of your car if you place the jack in the wrong location. Most vehicles put indicator arrows there, so you can see it easily. Line up the jack plate and use the crankshaft to unwind it. Make sure that you are directly vertical at a 90-degree angle with the pavement. Once you make contact with the frame, the jack will take some elbow grease to raise. Use your strength and don’t jerk it. Never raise the jack to its fullest extension either. You just want enough height so that you can slide off the damaged tire and slide in the spare. **GUY TIP**: Keep an eye on those wheel wedges while you’re raising the vehicle. This is the most dangerous part of changing the tire because if your jack loses contact with the frame then your vehicle could abruptly fall back down to the pavement. ## Step Five: Change the Tire Now, finish unscrewing the lug nuts with just your fingers. Place them somewhere safe and slide off the damaged tire. Place the spare tire by giving it a bit of a lift so that it lines up with the bolts. Use the star pattern again to tighten the lug nuts back onto the new tire. Hand-tighten one lug nut and then move to the opposite side of the configuration. Do this until all the lug nuts are hand-tightened. Now, you’re ready to lower the vehicle back down to the pavement. Turn the crankshaft in the opposite direction as before until it’s so low that it can easily slide away from the frame. Then, pick up your lug wrench and turn the lug nuts in a clockwise direction. Use the star pattern and tighten them until they’re nice and firm. ## Clean-up Because You Did It That’s it. You’ve changed your own tire in five easy steps. Hopefully, it didn’t take you a very long time. Just clean up the work area and double-check to make sure you didn’t leave anything harmful by the side of the road. Everybody knows that you didn’t have to do it yourself. You could have easily whipped out your mobile device and had a professional serviceman do this job for you, but you’ll find that it isn’t difficult at all. Once you’ve changed a tire, every other time gets easier. It also comes with a sense of personal satisfaction from a job well done and a few dollars saved. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** automobiles, cars, Flat, Tire --- ### [Treatment Options for Marijuana Dependency in a World of Legal Pot](https://guycounseling.com/marijuana-pot-dependency-treatment/) **Published:** September 4, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![marijuana treatment options](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cosmic-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What to do when you are addicted to pot Recreational marijuana use is now legal in eight states and the District of Columbia, while another 22 states have passed laws broadly legalizing marijuana in some form. The result has been a nationwide “Gold Rush” of sorts: online vendors, head shops and medical marijuana dispensaries, quick to mine any opportunity for more revenue, now tout the wonders of pot for anything from chronic pain and Crohn’s disease to anxiety and opiate addiction (not to mention a carefree “good time”). Yet the growing popularity of marijuana, whether for medical or recreational use, also carries a dark underside: Marijuana addiction, or what we in the clinical world call “marijuana use disorder,” disproportionately affects men in this country. ### **Men Are More Vulnerable to the Health Dangers of Marijuana** Statistically, more men use pot than women. For example, in Colorado (where recreational marijuana is legal), 17 percent of men — versus 10 percent of women — had used marijuana in the past month, according to a report by the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment. On a national scale, the trend is similar. Marijuana use disorders have roughly doubled since 2002, by conservative estimates, and [reportedly](https://www.mailman.columbia.edu/public-health-now/news/marijuana-use-disorder-rise-nationally-few-receive-treatment) are twice as common among men than women. Pot is known as a “gateway drug,” meaning its use can lead to experimentation with other drugs and/or alcohol abuse. Men who use marijuana have higher rates of other substance use problems. The same research indicates they have higher rates of antisocial personality disorders (also known as “dual diagnoses”). Men who suffer from these disorders have at least two major disadvantages on the road to recovery. On the one hand, the severity of the disorder among men is generally higher than it is among women, and on the other, men are less quick to enter treatment, according to a 2004 study in the journal *Drug and Alcohol Dependence*. That reality is regrettable, especially because marijuana use disorders are as treatable as any other type of addiction. ### **Marijuana Treatments That Can Help You Find Recovery** As an addiction clinician, I’ve seen firsthand how treatment has helped many of my male clients find [freedom from marijuana](https://guycounseling.com/pot-smoking-cigarette-relapse-327/). Research has revealed certain therapies to be effective for clients with marijuana use disorders: - Dual diagnosis treatment – Like other drugs of abuse, marijuana is often used to “self-medicate” the symptoms of an undiagnosed mental disorder, such as a personality disorder. In fact, a high number of clients with marijuana use disorders have a treatable co-occurring mental condition. Dual diagnosis treatment is therefore the gold standard of care, consisting of both medications and behavioral therapies that treat the dual diagnosis in question. - **Sleep aids and other medications to alleviate withdrawal symptoms** – Sleep problems are common during withdrawal from marijuana — and one reason why a medically supervised detox is best for anyone looking to get clean. During inpatient detox and treatment, doctors can prescribe medications to alleviate these symptoms and others. For example, some researchers believe that the nutritional supplement N-acetylcysteine may relieve marijuana cravings. Medication-assisted treatment (MAT) for marijuana cravings is an area of medicine that is still relatively young, so there’s no doubt more findings are yet to come. - **Cognitive Behavioral Therapy** **(CBT)** – [CBT is a form of psychotherapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) that focuses on correcting and replacing thoughts and behaviors that feed the addiction cycle and impede recovery, by contributing to relapse. Much of CBT’s emphasis is on identifying and overcoming the cognitive and emotional triggers of relapse, many of which are stress-related. - **Motivational interviewing –** This is a type of client-directed counseling designed to generate the internal motivation necessary to sustain lasting behavioral change (such as abstinence from marijuana). In this context, the therapist takes a collaborative, active listening approach that encourages the client to articulate their life values and goals (or their positive incentives to get sober), with the goal of moving the client towards greater self-efficacy in their recovery. - **12-step groups such as Marijuana Anonymous** – In addition to professional medical treatment, consider attending a 12-step therapy group. A peer support network can do wonders for anyone struggling with addiction, whether it’s marijuana or any other drug. When administered together as part of a comprehensive plan of treatment, these medical and behavioral interventions have helped many people find recovery in a world of increasingly legal pot. *Anna Ciulla is the Chief Clinical Officer at Beach House Center for Recovery. Anna oversees the supervision and delivery of client care, including the daily operations of clinical, behavioral, nursing and medical departments. Anna has an extensive background in psychotherapy and clinical management and she writes about topics related to addiction and co-occurring disorders. Learn more about Beach House’s programs, including treatment options for marijuana addiction and dual diagnosis, on their* [*website*](https://www.beachhouserehabcenter.com/programs/)*.* **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** 420, Addiction, Marijuana, Pot --- ### [Is The Acer Aspire 3 Laptop Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/acer-aspire-3-laptop-review/) **Published:** September 4, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![acer 3 laptop review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/acer-laptp.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Review of the Acer Aspire 3** The Acer Aspire 3 laptop is rugged, slim and value priced at just $380 USD. It’s not super-fast or heavy on RAM, but it does have some features that make it an ideal choice for a replacement laptop or a secondary device. This particular model isn’t capable of handling a large workload, but it can surf and spit out small files with ease. ## Backstory I have a toddler at home who just loves technology. (Go figure) Well, my previous laptop was one of his favorite toys and I’d often come into the office to find him banging away on the keyboard or even standing on the screen. The poor thing just couldn’t take it anymore, the laptop I mean. I was strapped for cash though and needed a replacement device fast. I checked online for a while, but eventually found myself at the nearest computer store looking at laptops and tablets. I chose the Acer Aspire 3 laptop and I’ve been relatively pleased with my choice thus far. Here are some of the things I like and dislike about it. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/IT3ahev0VuUA8/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## The Specs The [Acer Aspire 3](https://www.acer.com/ac/en/US/content/model/NX.GNVAA.002) laptop weighs in on the heavy side for new laptops. It’s 4.6 pounds. The dimensions are 15.02” W x 10.20” D x 0.85” H. It’s quite slim though as you can see from the dimensions, less than an inch with the screen closed. For power, it comes with a 45W adaptor and a lithium-ion battery that can run for 5.5 hours. That’s an odd figure because the Aspire 3 is a weighty device. Yet the battery doesn’t provide a long running time. The screen size is 15.6” and has an HD resolution of 1366×768. The Aspire 3 is managed by the AMD Dual Core A9 processor. It runs at a speed of 3 GHz and has 6GB of memory. It comes with an AMD Radeon R5 graphics card, 2 USB 2.0 ports and 1 USB 3.0 port, an HDMI output, and runs Windows Home 10 as its operating system. **Related:** [TechMatte iPhone 8 screen a good deal?](https://guycounseling.com/techmatte-screen-protector-review/) For the price of this laptop, those are the key selling points for this device. It’s not slow and it has more than enough memory for average daily usage. Yet, you can’t have everything you want on a laptop for under $400 USD. It has an onboard camera, but it’s not up to date. The Aspire 3 comes equipped with a 640×480 webcam, but it’s a bit behind the times with just 0.3 megapixels. The laptop has 2 speakers, but the volume and sound quality are noticeably average. This device uses a Touchpad instead of a mouse, but I’d recommend buying a wireless one for better responsiveness. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/x0CE1lPpLQOw8/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## How Does it Work? The Acer Aspire 3 was able to get me back in business from day one. I liked the rugged black finish and it looked ready to standup to my toddler’s explorative nature. It’s not a showoff; it’s more of a fundamentals kind of device. The processor works brilliantly and never lags when accessing large files or running multiple tabs on Google Chrome. However, the onboard memory is small. So don’t expect to install any large apps such as popular open world games or production suites like Photoshop or Premiere Pro. Forget about it. The touchpad is my main headache for the Aspire 3. I’ve used other Touchpads before, but this one seems remarkably inconsistent. Of course, with the Touchpad there aren’t separate buttons for left and rick clicking, but the clicking zones are only vaguely responsive. You can expect double inputs and re-scrolls daily. Using the Windows 10 operating system is a breeze. There are helpful hints available for newbies and some customization tools for veterans. Everything from the start menu icons to the desktop wallpaper and theme colors can be changed in settings. This will help elevate your user experience on the Aspire 3 to something more reminiscent of a powerful work horse device. You can also download an app called “Ultimate Windows Tweaker” and change up to 200 different aspects of your OS without taking up more than 495 KB of your precious hard disk space. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/11JTxkrmq4bGE0/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Acer Aspire 3 Laptop Worth the Money? This laptop is no frills. It’s simply not for people who need powerful apps or enjoy PC gaming. The camera, speakers and touchpad are the main drawbacks, but these shortcomings never seem to get in the way of basic computing. For $380 USD you’ll be hard-pressed to find a better laptop for managing your files, surfing the web and using basic apps with small to medium size footprints. The Acer Aspire 3 doesn’t look or feel cheap. It has a durable and simple finish that I can really appreciate, especially since I’m always working on the go and I have a little 2-year-old monster at home. So, the Acer Aspire  5 stars for mastering the fundamentals and putting in work from day one as soon as you open the box. Is this computer worth the money? Speaking only for myself, all I can say is that I’ve been very pleased. Have you used this laptop? If so, what was your experience? Did you think it was a good deal for the money? **Categories:** Field Notes, Reviews **Tags:** Acer Aspire, Computer, Laptop, Tech, Technology --- ### [Channing Tatum Sculpts His Way Through Pain of Divorce](https://guycounseling.com/channing-tatum-sculpting-901/) **Published:** September 1, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![channing t](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/channing-t.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## News Buzz: To cope with his divorce, Channing Tatum is channeling his creative side. If you are a man who has ever been through [a breakup](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/), you already know the emotional pain can be excruciating. Not only must you deal with the realities of being single again, you’ve also got to come to grips with the crushing sadness. Which is why a recent story that hit the newswires about actor Channing Tatum is so inspiring. As you may know, the popular star recently [announced a split](https://www.instagram.com/p/BhFuWBaBGqc/?taken-by=channingtatum) with his wife of nine years, Jenna Dewan. For some guys, coping with a divorce means turning to unhealthy sources, like alcohol, to medicate the pain. Other men simply clamp up and keep to themselves because, as a tribe, we’re not always great at talking about our feelings. In the case of Channing Tatum, he’s decided to channel his creative side as a conduit to healing. Specifically, he’s taken up sculpting as a way of working through. We’ve at his work and all we can say is – WOW – the man appears to be naturally gifted. And apparently, he may have taken a cue from another mega-watt celebrity, Brad Pitt. Yep, it’s true. As revealed in the [Hollywood Reporter](https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/rambling-reporter/why-brad-pitt-sat-oscars-981631), Pitt missed the 2017 Oscar Awards because he was tied up “holed up creating a sculpture at British artist Thomas Houseago’s Frogtown studio”. That’s right – Pitt, too, was struggling through a split with wife, Jennifer Aniston. As of the date of this post, their divorce has yet to be finalized. Here’s what Channing Tatum said about his sculpture on Instagram with fans: “This was my attempt at creating a sculpture of Picasso’s Guitarist,” the 38-year-old wrote. “It was starting out ok. Then I had to get different clay for the hands.” https://www.instagram.com/p/BnEzFu4BUTB/?utm\_source=ig\_embed&utm\_campaign=embed\_loading\_state\_control Sadly, the piece he created did not last long. Tatum adds: “Then my \[four-year-old\] daughter destroyed it. Hahahaha oh well. Start anew.” Obviously, the man has a sense of humor and is rolling with the punches. But to keep it real, we shouldn’t be surprised at the [green-eyed actor’s](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) creative skills. If you have ever watched him dance, you can easily see he’s got a chip for this kind of thing. ## Sculpting and Men Guy Counseling spoke to licensed [psychotherapist](https://www.linkedin.com/in/costa-provis-lcpc-cpc-764b925) Costa Provis about the benefits of sculpting. Here’s what he told us about this activity. “Men like to work with their hands and so sculpting provides an excellent pathway for self-expression. Not only is it therapeutic but it’s also very cathartic,” says Provis. Indeed, the clinical literature is filled with research showing the many benefits of [expressive art](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S019745560800083X), such as sculpting. As a helping professional, I’ve certainly tried to encourage the men I work with to tap into their creative sides on the road to personal growth. Now that Channing Tatum is sharing his work with the public, maybe more guys will follow his lead and partake in this activity? When you were going through a split, what did you do to cope? Would you have considered an activity like sculpting? Share your comments below. **Categories:** Entertainment, Field Notes **Tags:** Breakups, Channing Tatum, Sculpting --- ### [Would You Pay Nearly 2 Million for the Koenigsegg Agera RS?](https://guycounseling.com/koenigsegg-agera-rs/) **Published:** August 31, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![Koenigsegg Agera](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Koenigsegg-Agera-RS.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## All about the Agera RS The Agera RS from Koenigsegg is the fastest street-legal road car on the planet. It’s capable of achieving a top speed of 277.9 MPH. The closest competitor, the Hennessey Venom GT manages to reach a speed of 270 MPH. There are only 25 models slated for production and 10 of them were sold before they ever left the production floor. That makes the Koenigsegg Agera RS extremely rare and valuable. Yet, for a supercar, the Agera RS is rather approachable – if you have around [2 million bucks](https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/worlds-9-most-ridiculously-expensive-cars/3/). Just take a closer look at some of the features and you’ll see why. ## Aerodynamic Design At first glance, the two-door Agera RS definitely has a short and wide track stance. It measures in at 4,293 mm in length and 2,050 mm in width. To give you a point of comparison, the Lamborghini Aventador Coupe is 4,780 mm long and 2,030 mm wide. The Koenigsegg Agera RS supercar has a carbon fiber chassis with aluminum honeycomb and integrated fuel tanks that keep the weight of the vehicle down to just 1,295 kg. Even a Bugatti Chiron weighs in at 1,996 kg. So, you can start to get a glimpse at why the Agera RS is so fast. **More:** [Five affordable muscle cars!](https://guycounseling.com/2018-muscle-cars-825/) It all starts with the design. Upfront, the Agera RS features a track-inspired front splitter and front winglets that channel the air around the vehicle. The profile features a prominent hollowed-out side skirt and side mirrors that are poised high above the frame for better visibility. Maximum downforce is achieved by a hidden underbelly flap system and a dynamically active rear spoiler that rises over the rear wheel wells and dips in the middle. The ride height is electronically-adjustable and so are the hydraulic shock absorbers. It sits on super-wide Pilot Sport Cup 2 tires by Michelin and hollowed-out, five spoke carbon fiber wheels, 20-inches in the rear and 19-inches in the front. The hard top can even be removed and stored internally. Another super cool design element are the doors, which open up vertically to a 90-degree angle. When the front and rear bonnet are open with the doors up, this hypercar looks like a transformer. ## Performance Capabilities The Koenigsegg Agera RS is built around an aluminum twin-turbo V8 engine that features the automakers’ patented back pressure reduction system. It also has a carbon fiber intake manifold. The Agera RS is managed by a 7-speed paddle shifter transmission that also features a gearbox control module and can be toggled to auto shifting mode. Surprisingly, the engine of the Agera RS can run on E85 ethanol and regular unleaded gasoline. That means you can still get 1160 brake horsepower and 940-pound feet of torque from a fill-up at the local gas station. The steering and handling is tight and deliberate. Stopping the Agera RS is coordinated by large ventilated ceramic disk brakes. There are also traction control functions and an electronic stability control system that can be configured for Wet, Track and Normal. Yet, it’s hard to describe normal driving conditions in a vehicle that roars like an angry titan that you’ve summoned from a thousand-year sleep. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bic\_tR2H86L/?hl=en&taken-by=koenigseggautomotive ## Interior Amenities You won’t find any door handles on this Koenigsegg supercar. You’ll have to find a hidden button on the rear outside panel of the door to access the interior. The key has a distinctive Koenigsegg shield shape that fits in the palm of your hand and only needs to be placed in the center console tray to activate the vehicle. The cockpit is a bit tight and low, as you could come to expect from such a short supercar. There’s lots of carbon fiber on display inside as well as accent trims around the door paneling, seats and air con vents, all of which can be customized to the owner’s specifications. The main user interface is a round control dial that is positioned in the center console. The steering wheel has a flat bottom that always reminds the driver that they are in a track-eating hypercar even though there are steering wheel controls that you would find on an Audi crossover. The bucket seats come in suede or Nappa leather. That leather fabric motif continues even down to the carpet and up into the headliner. There is a digital touchscreen high in the center console and another digital display from the gauge cluster. In an unexpected twist, the Agera RS actually has a usable luggage compartment in the front of the vehicle. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BlsAx93Hka0/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Additional Features Performance capabilities make the Agera RS the fastest production vehicle on the planet, but the additional features make it a true gem. In the tech department, you have an MP3 player, a USB port and a LifePo4 battery. The center display shows your vehicle’s tire pressure and temperature. It can also adjust your side mirrors and seat settings. The steering assembly and pedal box can be adjusted to fit the driver. There are two advanced stage airbags and a rearview camera for safety. You can also have your Agera RS outfitted with additional sound dampening if the rumble of the engine is too much for your taste. No two Agera RS hypercars are built alike and the endless array of customized features make for bespoke driving machines that cater to every preference under the sun. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BiWzquJnypc/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## The Takeaway Although the Koenigsegg Agera RS is a street-legal hypercar that can travel close to 300 miles per hour, it’s not exactly meant for your day to day grocery runs. You’re going to get lots of engine and road noise from the Agera RS and the handling is also better suited for the race track. However, the visual awe that you can inspire from just parking this vehicle outside on the curb is almost worth the cost of ownership because the Agera RS is one of the most gorgeous driving machines ever built. Great for [guys who want to get their alpha on](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/). It’s also rather unpretentious. Now, it’s hard to say the fastest production car on the planet is unpretentious, but this thing has space for luggage, available roof racks, and takes regular gasoline. If the Agera RS were your super wealthy friend from college, it’d be wearing Converse All-stars and drinking fair trade filter coffee from a ten-year-old thermos. Yeah, it’s totally cool like that. Will you be buying one? **Categories:** Field Notes, Reviews **Tags:** automobiles, cars --- ### [Old Spice Hair Paste for Men: Worth it or Rip Off?](https://guycounseling.com/old-spice-hair-paste-review-829/) **Published:** August 29, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bearded man old spice hair paste suite](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/bearded-man-sunglasses.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Old Spice Hair Paste Review Old Spice Hair Paste – it’s a product you have probably seen at your local pharmacy or grocery store. I know that I certainly have. It’s kind of hard to miss because the container is a bright red with the iconic Old Spice ship as the logo. Curious if this product really works, I decided to pick up a can about a month ago and start using it. Now that enough time has passed, I figured I would come here and share my impressions with you. The essentials questions are as follows: Does Old Spice Hair Paste work and is it worth the money? All I can tell you is that since buying this product, I’ve been really pleased. In my case, I purchased the 2.64 oz at my local Target. The truth is I am in that store a few times a month to pick up various items (I’ve even bought [nicotine patches](https://guycounseling.com/targets-nicotine-patches-work/) there). At any rate, I paid around $6.00 for a 2.64 ounce can of the company’s “Unruly” textured finish. Because my hair tends to be wavy, I figured this was probably the right type to go with. Here is what I like about the Old Spice paste: - A little bit goes a long way. - It has a faint fragrance that is similar to the company’s marquis aftershave. - Goes on smooth and blends nicely. - Great for offering texture. - Holds up well outdoors in the wind. - Offers decent holding power that’s good most of the day. - Easy to throw in a gym bag - Price point is affordable (national retail price $6.99). ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) You may be wondering if there is anything I don’t like about Old Spice’s hair product? Well, to keep it real, the one thing that is kind of annoying is how it can leave a whitish paste on your sidewalls. Let me explain. Typically, I have a buzzcut (of sorts) with [some grey hair](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/) going on with the sides. In between [barber shop visits](https://guycounseling.com/barbershop-haircut-men/), that hair obviously grows out. To keep things pat down, I use gels or pasts to help with flattening. When using the Old Spice paste, I noticed that sometimes, it would leave a bit of residue that was kind of noticeable. What I learned over the course of time was to stick my finger in the can and use a tiny amount of product. The end result? No more pasty sidewalls. This was a learning process. Keep in mind you may have different results, depending on your hair color, texture, and hairstyle. So, is Old Spice Paste for men’s hair worth the money? Again, I can only tell you that I’ve been very pleased. In fact, I will likely buy this guy again in the future once I’m done with my current can. I recognize there are other reviews on the Internet that suggest this is a mediocre product and that there are better pastes on the market. Please know I’m not trying to take away from anyone else’s experience. Speaking only for myself, I am very satisfied with the results. Have you used Old Spice Hair Paste? If so, what’s been your experience? Do you think it is worth the money? **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Reviews **Tags:** Cologne, Grooming, Hair, Old Spice --- ### [Missing Sleep May Add Pounds To Your Waist](https://guycounseling.com/missing-sleep-weight-gain-827/) **Published:** August 27, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![man sleeping grass](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/man-sleeping.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Trending News: Here’s why you may not be shedding those extra pounds.** ## SHORT STORY A new study suggests that people who miss sleep may lead to weight gain. ## LONG STORY Most people know that missing sleep can have negative health consequences. Examples include a foul mood, increased anxiety, and in some cases, depression. But did you know that not getting enough sleep can also make you gain weight? Well, according to a new study appearing in *Science Advances* from researchers at [Uppsala University](https://www.uu.se/en/news-media/news/article/?id=11154&area=2,4,10,16,24,40&typ=artikel&lang=en), it’s true. This may explain why, despite your best efforts, those extra pounds aren’t coming off? Apparently, when you miss sleep, you mess with your body’s metabolism, which in turn can affect body composition. In other words, not getting your Z’s robs your system of being able to healthily process foods. In this investigation, researchers observed 15 participants in a lab setting. All fell within the normal weight category. Meals were closely monitored, and scientists made sure their physical activity was standardized. There were two parts to this study. The first involved having the participants get a full night of sleep (8-hours). For part two, subjects were kept up all night long (meaning zero sleep). The morning after each intervention, researchers took small tissue samples of subcutaneous fat (meaning fat under the skin) and skeletal muscle. The reason these were chosen is simple. Historically, both have been good indicators of what may be going on with a person metabolically. The investigators also drew blood the morning after each intervention to assess metabolites; an enzyme that is the end-product of metabolism. These include sugar molecules and fat- laden amino acids. So, what exactly were the results? According to study leader Jonathan Cedernaes, M.D., Ph.D., “Our new findings indicate that sleep loss causes tissue-specific changes to the degree of DNA methylation in genes spread throughout the human genome.” Cedernaes goes on to say: > “We therefore think that the changes we have observed in our new study can constitute another piece of the puzzle of how chronic disruption of sleep and circadian rhythms may impact the risk of developing for example obesity.” Translation: When you miss sleep, you may be screwing up your system’s body clock. In turn, this makes it more difficult for your body to metabolize (break down) food. The result can mean unwanted fat. In many ways the results make sense. When you don’t get enough rest, your entire system feels dragged down. Plus, when you are tired, you are more likely to engage in [stress eating](https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/why-stress-causes-people-to-overeat); a nasty habit whereby you scarf down food as a tool for coping. According to the National Sleep Foundation, most people need between 7-9 hours of meaningful sleep per night. Are you getting this consistently? If not, maybe it’s time you did. By the way, did you know that a lack of Z’s can [repel people away](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-loneliness-817/) from you like a virus? Something to think about. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Rest, Science, sleep --- ### [Will Growing a Beard Make Me a More Attractive Man?](https://guycounseling.com/beard-attractive-man-826/) **Published:** August 26, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive young man with beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/bearded-man.jpg?resize=582%2C439&ssl=1) ## Can a beard make you look sexier? “Do beards make guys look sexier?” asked a friend of mine during a recent conversation. “I’m only curious because I think if I had one, I might get more dates,” he added. If you’ve ever wondered about this topic, you wouldn’t alone. To keep it real, a lot of guys want to look as handsome as possible with the goal of attracting a mate. This question becomes even more critical if you’ve been striking out on the dating front and have started to question your attractiveness. Sound familiar? At any rate, all of this leads us back to the central theme of this post: **does facial hair, like a beard, help men look more attractive?** The answer to that question largely depends on who you ask. Guy Counseling spoke to Morgan Polzin, an [image consultant](https://www.facebook.com/Morgandoesmakeup) who works with men to get her impressions. “A lot depends on the guy. A beard alone isn’t going to make a man hotter or sexier. It’s also about their facial structure, their hairstyle, and their physical body,” Polzin said. So, what does the research tell us about men and beards? Can any answers be found in the clinical data? Well, according to a 2017 study that examined the topic of beards and attractiveness, guys with facial hair are perceived as more attractive and dominant than their clean-shaven counterparts. ## Beard research and attractiveness For this investigation, investigators recruited 751 participants and asked them to look at 37 European men through a series of photographs. Some of the pictures featured guys with beards. Other photos showed men who were clean shaven. Participants were asked to rate each person in three distinct categories: - Attractiveness - Masculinity - Dominance ![attractive man with beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/virgo-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Will a beard make you look more attractive? The results were interesting, to say the least. Here’s a rough breakdown, based on the study published in [Evolution and Human Biology](https://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(16)30033-2/fulltext). - More than 60% thought men with beards were more attractive. - Around 80% considered the bearded guys to be more masculine. - A whopping 62% perceived the men with facial hair to be more dominant. And it’s not like the participants were a monolithic group. According to the data, the raters were between the ages of 18 to 86 years old. 353 were women and 398, men. Moreover, all of the folks who took part in this study were from various regions in the United States. Now does this mean you should ditch your razor and start getting your beard on? Not exactly. There are other [lines of research](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306453017303918) to suggest facial hair doesn’t have much of an impact on male attractiveness. Now, let’s get back to my friend’s question about growing a beard. I’ll share with you what I told him. It went something like this \[paraphrased\]. If you feel sporting a beard will help you to look more attractive, **you should do it**. However, don’t focus on what other people think. Instead, center your awareness on how you feel. In other words, if growing some face fuzz makes you feel more handsome, then guess what – that’s how you are going to come off to others. It was the famous philosopher, Rene Descartes, who is credited with saying, *I think, therefore I am*. In the psychological sense, Descartes words very much relate to this topic. When we perceive ourselves as attractive, we also experience a boost in confidence. In turn, that confidence has a way of [enhancing our self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/). As the adage goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But what’s often left out of the equation is *your eye*, meaning how you perceive yourself. The windup is this. My buddy eventually started growing a beard. In fact, he kind of transformed himself into a [rugged, manly beast](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/)! Did his dating luck change? That remains to be seen. But from what I can tell, he’s feeling a lot more confident about how he looks. Are you a man who sports a beard? Do you feel you it makes you look more attractive? **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News **Tags:** Beaded, Beard, Thor --- ### [5 Muscle Cars (2018) Reviewed To Get Your Fast On!](https://guycounseling.com/2018-muscle-cars-825/) **Published:** August 25, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![muscle cars](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/camaro.jpeg?resize=623%2C467&ssl=1) ## Into muscle cars? Check out these bad boys! The American muscle car isn’t going anywhere. Although there are more fuel-sipping hybrids and electric cars on the horizon, a few gas-guzzling monsters are still waiting to rip the road. Leading the pack is Chevrolet, a company that ironically is also a forerunner in the hybrid fuel market. The [Chevrolet Volt](https://guycounseling.com/2018-chevy-volt-review/) is one of America’s most popular plug-in hybrids and it sits right across the showroom floor from the all new Camaro ZL1. Dodge has two vehicles on the list, both with mind-numbing torque and speed that are better suited for drag strips than strip malls. The Ford Mustang makes an appearance. It’s as American as apple pie and so iconic that it might never feel the threat of eco-friendly vehicles. A surprise addition to this list is the Cadillac CT6 V-Sport. It’s got Cadillac’s first turbo-charged V8 engine and wants to stand shoulder to shoulder with the rest of the pack. So, let’s take a closer look at the latest muscle cars to hit the streets. ### **1. The 2019 Chevrolet (Chevy) Camaro ZL1** The all [new Camaro](https://www.chevrolet.com/byo-vc/client/en/US/chevrolet/camaro/2018/camaro/trim) has been updated with an aggressive body kit and technology that rivals anything that a turbo-modified sports car can bring to the table. The ZL1 has a mesh-style front grille, a rear spoiler, and dual-element rear tail lights. Inside, you’ll find color-coordinated ambient lighting and an 8-inch color touchscreen. The 1LE variant is equipped for the track with a carbon fiber rear wing, air deflectors along the body, adjustable ride height and 60 pounds shaved off the curb weight. Under the hood, the Camaro ZL1 has a 6.2 Liter V8 engine that gets 650 horsepower and can be equipped with a data recorder. You can choose between manual or a 10-speed automatic transmission with paddle shifters. It runs the quarter mile in 11.4 seconds and can go from zero to 60 MPH in 3.5 seconds. ### **2. 2018 Dodge Challenger SRT Demon** This one-trick muscle car is appropriately named. It’s street legal, but just barely. The Torque Reserve Launch System of the [Challenger SRT Demon](https://www.dodge.com/challenger/performance.html) produces the highest G-Force of a production car and an exhaust sound that will make you quiver. The SRT Demon has more torque than any other muscle car, as well. T he supercharged 6.2 Liter HEMI V8 can produce 717 lb. ft. of torque and 840 horsepower. This is a drag racer that was designed to kill anything in a quarter mile dash. It jumps from zero to 60 MPH in just 2.3 seconds. The rear suspension, tires and shocks deliver optimized grip and stability control. The front of the vehicle has a large Air Grabber hood scoop for better air intake and a specially-designed air cooler that keeps the SRT Demon ready for multiple competitors on the drag strip. ### **3. 2018 Ford Mustang Shelby GT350** The [Mustang Shelby GT350](https://www.ford.com/performance/gt350/) is arguably the best Mustang ever produced. It’s meant for good, old-fashioned automotive fun. The back tires spin out. The exhaust screams and threatens to pierce your eardrums above 5,000 RPMs. It just wants to rip your face off…in a good way. Starting at just an MSRP of $57,240, the Shelby GT350 is surprisingly affordable. The new design features a huge nose, new LED headlights, and a sharply-chiseled profile. The Shelby GT350 has a 5.2 Liter Ti-VCT V8 engine that produces 526 horsepower and 529 lb. ft. of torque. The Brembo brakes are responsive and the Magne Ride damping system can adjust itself a thousand times a second to provide a thrilling, yet sticky handle on the road. It’s not the block burner of the group, but the driving experience and price tag make the 2018 Ford Mustang Shelby GT350 a true winner. ### **4. 2018 Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat** The [Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat](https://www.dodge.com/charger.html) is no demon, but it certainly does come from the same place. It produces 707 horsepower and 650 lb. ft. of torque with its supercharged 6.2 Liter HEMI V8 engine and eight speed automatic transmission. The Charger SRT Hellcat is faster than the new Mustang but lacks the true racing bona-fides of its competitors. It’s ideal for anyone who wants a spirited driving experience on their way to work. The Charger is a muscle car sedan. It has four doors, a backseat and 104.7 cubic feet of interior cargo space. The cockpit and driver interface are exceptionally designed with a digital instrument cluster display, large touchscreen in the center stack, and real time stats with Dodge Performance Pages. The Hellcat howls like a banshee but keep it in Sport mode if you want the vehicle’s best performance capabilities at your fingertips. ### **5. 2019 Cadillac CT6 V-Sport** Cadillac doesn’t often get invited to the muscle car party, but things are sure to change when the new [CT6 V-Sport](https://www.cadillac.com/future-concept-vehicles/ct6-v-sport-sedan) starts making its rounds. Like the Charger, it’s also a four-door muscle car. The powertrain features a 4.2 Liter, twin-turbo V8 engine – Cadillac’s first. The new CT6 V-Sport can achieve 550 horsepower and 627 lb. ft. of torque, but a less-belligerent version with quitter exhaust will also be available later in 2019. All-wheel drive comes standard and so does a 10-speed automatic transmission. It’s also a luxury vehicle. The CT6 by Cadillac has a large front grille with narrow LED accent lights and headlights, 20-inch wheels, and a sumptuous leather interior with woodgrain paneling. It’s aimed at being the best of both worlds – both sporting and luxurious. **Do you drive any of the cars mentioned here? How do you like your ride? Share your experience in the comments section below.** **Categories:** Field Notes, Reviews **Tags:** cars, Classic Cars, Fast, muscle cars --- ### [5 Tips For Getting a Girl Interested In You That Work!](https://guycounseling.com/get-girl-interested/) **Published:** August 25, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![girl interested in guy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/girl-intrested-in-guy.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Want to get a girl interested in You? Use these tips *“Nobody talks to girls in real life anymore,”* said a friend of mine recently. *“It’s all just likes and stuff online.”* That statement is so difficult to swallow. It’s mostly true, yet paradoxical because to date someone you eventually want to have real conversations with them in person. Right? Well, according to a [Pew Research poll](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/02/29/5-facts-about-online-dating/) the use of online dating apps has more than tripled since 2013. Unfortunately, a third of people who meet someone through online dating never actually go out on a date with them. One of the reasons is that there’s no substitute for actually meeting and talking to girls in the real world. Let’s face it – people lie on their online profiles and it can be difficult to build true chemistry through your keyboard. So here are some helpful tips for talking to girls in the real world and getting past “Hello, my name is…” ## **Tip 1. – Be Patient. Be Seen.** One of my general dating rules is to never approach a girl the first time that you see her. Women are notoriously standoffish and generally don’t appreciate being approached by strangers. She might be the hottest girl you’ve ever seen, but don’t be in a rush to walk up and tell her. Instead, try to make eye contact from a distance or stand near her without seeming too creepy. Give her a chance to check you out. Don’t feel bad if she walks away and don’t be afraid to walk away yourself. Just try to project an attitude of quiet calm that silently says –“I’m normal. I’m self-assured and I’m in no rush to get to know you.” ## **Tip 2. – It’s What You Don’t Say That’s Important** So much of creating chemistry is about body language and projecting subtle cues that take place on a sub-conscious level. What you tell yourself is more important than anything that you will ever say to her. Before you utter a single word, tell yourself that you have an amazing life. Think of all the things you’re grateful for and focus on positive aspects of your own personality. It will show up in your posture and your facial expressions. [Build your confidence](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/). Place your shoulders back. Stand up tall. Put your chin up and walk straight. A field study conducted in 2016 found that men who exuded an expansive, open body stance were 76% more likely to get a date with a woman of zero acquaintance. ![couple bar flirting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Girls like men who are direct ## **Tip 3. – Don’t Straddle the Fence** Now, it’s time to say something to that hot girl across the bar. The worst thing you can do is look at her, approach her, and just hover around her for the next 30 minutes. Women appreciate a direct and focused approach. Don’t appear to be insecure. If you want to talk to her, then just walk over and say hello. Don’t put your hands in your pocket and don’t make overtly friendly remarks that could be confused with simple small talk. She might not know if you’re interested in her romantically, or just waiting on your friend to come out of the restroom. **Related:** [Why girls won’t date you](https://guycounseling.com/women-refuse-date-men/) The best way to do this is to give her a compliment, a compliment that she might not expect. A pretty girl will hear that she has nice eyes a thousand times, but she might not be expecting you to complement her shoes. “I just wanted to say that I really like your shoes. Um-hm. I noticed them right away as soon as you walked in the room. Are they really comfortable or do you just make walking in heels look so easy?” ## **Tip 4. Stay In The Pocket** Now, you’re having a conversation. Ask questions. Show genuine interest. I like to think of my conversations with girls as a football play. I’m the quarterback. I’ve said hello and that’s like hiking the ball. The play has started. Her defenses are blitzing me like crazy, but the longer I can stay in the pocket, the better chance I have of creating a successful play and scoring a touchdown. Don’t throw the ball away hastily (so to speak) by just saying hello, asking for her number and getting the hell out of there. She might not even remember you in the morning. Show her that you are comfortable being next to her. Brush up against her gently with your hand when you share a laugh. Read the defense and adapt. Did she pull away from you or take a step back? Then, spend more time creating comfort by revealing something about yourself. “I’ve actually never been to this club before. I usually go to festivals a few times a year.” Did she simply nod her head, or did she say something like “Oh, really?”. Elaborate and then get right back to asking her questions about her interests. The longer you wait to get her number or arrange for your next encounter, the better chance you will have of creating a long-lasting impression. Once, I stayed at a [specialty coffee shop](https://guycounseling.com/specialty-coffee-824/) until they closed talking to a girl about Keanu Reeves movies. I pretended that the time just got away from me, but I knew what was happening all along. We both laughed, and I asked if we could continue the conversation some other time. ![attractive african american couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/african-american-couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Be yourself – she’s like you for you ## **Tip 5. Be Your Best Self** You might hear people say “Just be yourself.” That’s a load of crap, especially if you’re shy, introverted and have a lack of social experience. You can be yourself, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be *[your best self](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/)*. You see, there is a version of you that is authentic, but optimized with all of your best qualities and traits right up front. That’s the *you* that you want to project when trying to get past a simple hello. Don’t brag. Don’t be a showoff either. Think of yourself as a salesman. If you were selling a used car, you wouldn’t lead a prospective buyer right to that rust damage on the underside of your rear fender. Instead, you’d talk up that great interior and newly-overhauled transmission. So, put your best traits forward and keep your worst traits in back. For me that means talking about my passion for writing and promoting literacy in third world countries. Find your golden laurel and show it off. ## **The Takeaway** These are just helpful tip and hints for getting past that initial awkward moment of approaching a girl you like. Online dating is growing exponentially and 55 percent of American say that they met their spouse through online dating, but eventually you must log off and create chemistry in the real world. You do that by being patient, being direct, and being confident enough to engage your crush in a lengthy, meaningful conversation. Remember to ask lots of open-ended questions and when things drag on simply reveal something interesting about yourself. Just don’t reveal that you once spent thirteen hours straight on Grand Theft Auto. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Attraction, Conversation, Dating --- ### [What Makes Specialty Coffee So Special?](https://guycounseling.com/specialty-coffee-824/) **Published:** August 24, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![specialty coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/coffee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How much do you know about specialty coffee? Let’s start with what Specialty Coffee is **not**. Despite what you might think, specialty coffee has nothing to do with the length of a man’s beard who is serving your coffee or the number of tattoos on their arm. Specialty coffee doesn’t have to be snobbish or tied to any specific indie band’s fanpage. Most certainly, specialty coffee is not ambiguously sourced, effortlessly brewed, or thoughtlessly presented to you…the consumer.Now that the air is clear, we can take a closer look at what Specialty Coffee is ***really*** all about. By its simplest definition Specialty Coffee is a quality standard that acknowledges all the painstaking steps that the coffee product goes through from seed to cup. It can be defined as a philosophy of ethical and sustainable sourcing that is carried over to every subsequent step of the long and glorious coffee chain. Specialty coffee, sometimes closely linked with the terms *third wave or speciality coffee in Europe*, means that the coffee that you are drinking is a work of art. For more information about defining specialty coffee, check out the [Specialty Coffee Association](http://www.scanews.coffee/2017/03/17/what-is-specialty-coffee/)’s wonderful insights into the history of the term. So, let’s talk about that flat white that you have every morning on your way to work. ![man drinking coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/man-coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Where is your coffee from? ### Where did you get it? Did you pop into a huge Starbucks or was it a small coffee shop desperately clinging to the corner of a little-known avenue? You might be surprised to find out that none of that really matters in terms of specialty coffee. Big store, little store – either can be considered a specialty coffee shop if they respect every step in the coffeemaking chain. ### Is Starbucks considered specialty coffee? Well, it depends. Can the barista tell you exactly where this coffee came from, the name of the country, the region, the farm, the elevation, or any details about the roasting method? As a former Starbucks barista myself, I can assure you that this information was limited, except in the case of a guest espresso. At best, a Starbucks barista knows the country of origin, general sourcing ethics of the company, roast level (dark), and that’s not quite good enough for specialty coffee. When you walk into a third wave coffee shop there are usually displays that show exactly what type of coffee is being brewed. Take a closer look at that bag of coffee and you’ll most likely find information about exactly who grew that coffee and how it was processed before it reached your cup. Now, ask that barista about the coffee beans and their face should light up with excitement. From a consumer’s perspective, that should be your first test for whether the coffee you are drinking is considered specialty coffee. Now, a quick word about latte art. I once met a girl who told me: *If my coffee doesn’t have good latte art, then I send it back and I won’t even taste it.* ![coffee scent](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/coffee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) You should know that latte art is the least important factor in the quality of your beverage. If the beans were not properly extracted, then your lovely unicorn latte art is just polishing a turd, (excuse my vulgarity). Beneath that pretty liquid art is a bitter or watered-down waste of your money…but it sure does look nice. The point I’m trying to make is that you shouldn’t view latte art as the measure of how good your coffee is. Here is what latte art means: The barista who made your beverage has poured so much milk and prepared so many beverages that they have elevated the craft of creating coffee to an elegant artform. It is evidence of the ***experience level*** of your barista and in that way, latte art is related to specialty coffee. So, back to that Starbucks. People love to hate them, but Starbucks is the father of specialty coffee. They have to be respected as the creators of modern coffee culture in America and in other places around the world. Starbucks created the demand for premium coffee and opened the market up for all of these small indie shops to flourish, so they are due some respect by people in the third wave community. If there was no Starbucks, then there would be no indie shop. Period. ### So, why does Starbucks coffee taste so bitter and why do you have to add so much sugar and milk? Starbucks can’t have coffee that tastes like oranges in California and have chocolaty notes in Chicago. Starbucks must create a uniform experience throughout their thousands of stores worldwide, so the coffee beans are usually darkly roasted. Dark roast blanches out most of the subtle flavor notes of the beans and will consistently present a flavor that is described by many people as “*ashy*” or “*burnt*” – [similar to cowboy coffee](https://guycounseling.com/cowboy-coffee-directions/). ![man drinking cup of coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/man-drinking-coffeee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)What does your coffee taste like? To counter this lack of initial taste, Starbucks introduces lots of flavoured syrups and additives to create unique beverages. Their cup sizes are big, and their beverages are milky. They generally cater to customers who are less in the know about specialty coffee and more on the go and need a quick pick-me-up. Now, let’s look at the husband and wife shop on the corner. They only have one shop, so their coffee beans can taste like cardamon in July and lemon in August. They prefer to use light and medium roast coffee beans because at those levels, more flavour notes come through. Customers might refer to their coffee as “*fruity*” and “*bright*”. Baristas at this shop will frown if you ask them to add some vanilla or caramel syrup because that will adulterate the natural flavors already present in the coffee. They will also *tisk-tisk* if you put a ton of sugar in your cup. ![coffee-men-sex-life](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/man-drinking-coffee.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How are your coffee skills? Their cup sizes are small and they have lots of alternative milks on stock such as coconut milk, almond and Oatley. Their customer base are people who don’t mind paying a higher price for the absolute best cup of coffee they’ve ever tasted. That’s specialty coffee. Hopefully, you’ve gained some insights into what makes Specialty Coffee so special. Yet, this is just a starting point. You should visit all different types of coffee shops and try to learn as much as you can about the coffee that you’re drinking. If you’re looking for some direction, then check out Liz Clayton’s book *[Where to Drink Coffee](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32940957-where-to-drink-coffee)*. Also, you can keep your eye on this space for coffee shop reviews, home brew methods and further insights into coffee culture. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Coffee, Coffee Shop, Coffees --- ### [5 Hacks for Getting Out of the Friend Zone for Guys](https://guycounseling.com/friend-zone-guys/) **Published:** August 24, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![friend zone](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/friend-zone-678x381.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## In the friend zone? Here’s how to break free. The Friend Zone is probably the last place that any single guy wants to visit. It’s the place where you’ve been neutralized as a potential mate by the very person you’re trying to become romantically involved with. Some [romance](https://www.guycounseling.com/category/relationshops/) gurus will tell you that the friend zone is a terminal condition, but believe me, there are ways to break away. The friend zone is frustrating. You’ve dedicated time and effort into someone and that person just never seems to get it that you want to turn this platonic relationship into a one-of-a-kind romance. She’s taken you shopping and you’ve held her bags. You’ve met her parents. You’ve taken care of her dog when she was out of town, but you haven’t got in any heavy petting of your own. You’ve watched her go on one bad date after another with guys that are obviously only after a physical tryst. You’ve thought about making a move, but she somehow senses your intentions and hits you with the dreaded words no guy wants to hear – “You’re such a good *friend.”* Are you ready to escape the friend zone? Here’s your escape plan. ![number five film](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=532%2C337&ssl=1) ## 1. Avoid the Friend Zone Initially The best defense is a good offence. You should never make your intentions ambiguous. Some guys think that getting to know a girl and becoming her friend will eventually lead to a romantic relationship. That’s not true. Just analyze the guys that she is already dating. They’ve come on strong right away and your crush never even attempted to put them in the friend zone. That’s because women can tell if they want to become romantically involved with you within the firs 30 seconds of meeting you. They measure your body language, your self-confidence and come up with a rating for how desirable you are as a potential mate. If you’re too friendly and too ambiguous about your intentions, then you just might wind up in the friend zone. ## 2. Find Her Level and Match It One of the reasons that guys get put in romantic purgatory is that women make dating decisions based on a psychological principle called assortive mating. It means that women are more likely to date someone who they believe is on their level. It’s not just physical. Women want a man who shares their emotional and mental attributes, as well. Have you ever seen a couple and thought – *oh, they look good together?* Well, a 2015 [study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26068893) conducted by researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that couples who got together after only a short period of knowing one another were closer in physical appearance and shared the same ideas about what features and traits were considered attractive. To break out of the friend zone, you need to study your potential mate’s ideals of beauty and attractiveness. She probably thinks you’re not on her level, but you can overcome nearly any shortcoming in that regard. You can start exercising more to improve your physique and wear clothing that complements your body. A good watch, haircut and a nice pair of shoes will go a long way in getting her attention. Also, maintain good hygiene. Make sure you’re handling the basics of grooming such as having clean laundry, healthy skin and body odor. Another way to improve your level is by becoming more financially stable. Women desire a man who maintains good financial practices, not because they’re gold diggers, but a balanced checkbook exemplifies that you are in command of your own life. That’s very attractive. ## 3. Make Her Jealous It’s highly likely that the girl you’ve got a crush on knows it. She’s placed you in the friend zone because it’s convenient for her. You listen to her dating problems and constantly build up her self-esteem with your thinly-veiled comments about how great a person she is and how she deserves someone who truly appreciates her. It’s time to cut off the supply, my friends. You need to make her jealous so that she realizes that you don’t belong to her and you could easily be lavishing those confidence boosters on a more willing recipient. According to psychotherapist Vinita Mehta, Ph.D. “Jealousy is an emotion with a useful function. It’s a forceful emotion, which is why little things, such as a casual comment about another woman’s looks, intelligence, or personality, can make her feel threatened,” Mehta says. Too much jealousy and you’ll ignite her anger, so be careful. Start by becoming less available to her. Spend some time with another girl or make it obvious that you’re going on a date with another girl. You can even invite her to be your “wingman”, but don’t get caught up spending all your time with her in a nightclub or bar. She has to see you with other women or at least actively pursuing other women. ## 4. Risking it All The best way to break out of the friend zone is to declare your romantic intentions and be willing to walk away from the platonic relationship all together if you don’t get it. This is the hardest thing to do and it requires an iron will. You’re risking losing the girl completely, but this is the best way to spark a romantic relationship if nothing else has worked out. At the very least, no matter what – you’ll be free. This is how I broke out of a platonic friendship and it resulted in a four-year romantic relationship that was amazing. It wasn’t easy, but my heart was being ripped to shreds already. I just couldn’t take it anymore. So, I went over to her house with a handwritten poem and roses, something that was obviously not for friends. I gave her my gifts and told her that I was in love with her and that I couldn’t just be her friend any longer. She cried. I walked out cold as ice. We didn’t talk for about a week, but then she called me. She wanted to talk…and the rest is history. ## 5. Find Your Freedom Breaking out of the friend zone shouldn’t be about getting a girl to finally sleep with you. It should be about your own peace of mind. You’re romantically interested in that person and you’re not getting what you want out of life. That’s cause for some action. Some people might think that it’s better to keep that person in your life no matter what and maybe you’ll come to appreciate that friendship in due time. Maybe your relationship status will change in the future if you keep up the good work of being her friend and breaking down her barriers. There are certainly cases where that’s held true, but I don’t think you’ll ever have good leverage in a relationship that required you to wear her down over the period of several months or years. Romantic relationships are fundamentally different from platonic relationships. If you keep that in mind, you’ll find which zone is truly right for you. [Believe in yourself](https://www.guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) and your power to change your own destiny. **Categories:** Dating, Relationships **Tags:** Friends with Benefits. Dating, Friendzone --- ### [Getting Back With Your Ex May Be Bad For Your Mental Health](https://guycounseling.com/ex-bad-mental-health-823/) **Published:** August 23, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![couple](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/couple-678x381.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: On-off relationships aren’t always a good idea. ## SHORT STORY A new study confirms what many of us already knew. Going in and out of a romantic relationship with the same person can be a source of misery. ## LONG VERSION Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you break up with someone, only to get back together again? Have you repeated this cycle of dating over and over? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Something like 60% of people have been involved in on and off again relationships, going by some estimates. In many ways, these types of romances make sense. First, you already know the person. Second, there’s a strong sense of familiarity. And finally, it’s a lot easier to start dating someone you’ve been with as opposed to starting anew. But what I told you that repeatedly breaking up with your ex and then reconnecting wasn’t so great for your mood? Would that make you think twice about reconnecting? Well, according to a new study published in *[Family Relations](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/17413729)*, on and off love affairs may be bad for your mental health. University of Illinois researchers assessed data from over 500 individuals who are currently in relationships. What they observed was a noticeable increase in mood-related issues \[like depression and anxiety\] among the on again-off again crowd. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/XN8pBJ6HrLTOM/giphy.gif?resize=282%2C338&ssl=1) One of the researchers, Kale Monk, Assistant Professor of Human Development and Family Science, shared the following observations in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-08/uom-oor082318.php): “The findings suggest that people who find themselves regularly breaking up and getting back together with their partners need to ‘look under the hood’ of their relationships to determine what’s going on. If partners are honest about the pattern, they can take the necessary steps to maintain their relationships or safely end them. This is vital for preserving their well-being.” In many ways, the takeaways from this investigation make sense. In truth, what couples often do when attempting to reconnect is “fix” deeply rooted problems that weren’t dealt with in the past. That said, if there is a repeated pattern whereby insolvable differences can’t be mended, trying to force the romance can cause stress. In terms of men, this may help to explain why [some guys get depressed after sex](https://www.guycounseling.com/men-sad-sexual-experience-728/) with a mate. If you have broken up with someone only to find yourself back with them – and you keep doing it – now may be a good time to reflect on why this pattern exists. Guy Counseling spoke to Dr. Greg Harms, a relationship expert and clinical psychologist, about the study. “Sometimes, people go on autopilot in relationships and don’t take time to reflect. This is particularly true in on and off again romances where some couples engage in willful denial,” observed [Harms](https://goo.gl/L7Qypm). So, are you thinking of getting back with your ex? How many times have you repeated this pattern? If you play the movie in your mind, how will “this time” be different? **Categories:** News, Relationships **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Ex, Mood, On Off Relationships --- ### [7 Dating App Safety Tips For Singles Online](https://guycounseling.com/dating-apps-safety-tips/) **Published:** August 23, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ## **![dating apps online safety person on smartphone](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/smartphone-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Tips to keep you safe when dating online** In the early days of the internet, parents would always tell their children not to meet strangers they’d only met online. Fast forward fifteen years, and meeting people online has become of the most common ways that modern couples meet and fall in love. Unlike a hundred years ago when you probably would have met a date’s whole family before any romance, or even fifty years ago when you most likely would have met through a friend, the landscape has changed. Now, it’s all about the [apps](https://internet.psych.wisc.edu/wp-content/uploads/532-Master/532-UnitPages/Unit-06/Smith_Pew_OnlineDating_2016a.pdf) where you post profiles, share texts and trade pics before deciding to meet face to face. The truth is dating apps have changed how we meet others and opened up a whole new world of potential partners. That’s said, it’s also important to remember that they are based on individuals advertising themselves. **Related:** [How to date a hookup](https://www.guycounseling.com/why-date-hookup-10-simple-advices-how-to/) In other words, what you see and what you get can be two different things entirely. Moreover, the lack of a safety net provided by mutual acquaintances makes it less likely for us to know who is really behind the screen. When all you have to go on is a profile, what can you do to keep yourself safe? Here’s 7 practical tips to consider. ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1) ## **1. Never share sensitive personal information  While this might seem like common sense to many people, it is surprisingly easy to forget in an online dating context where you and your prospective date are trying to suss each other out before meeting in real life. Chances are that the person you’re chatting to is genuinely looking for love, but keep in mind that there is a small chance they aren’t who they say they are. Don’t share your address, screenshots which might contain bank information or other useful data and be mindful of sharing your whereabouts. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing something, tell them. ## **2. Assess your compatibility first** A lot of online dating platforms now provide systems for assessing your compatibility before you’ve even messaged each other. Quizzes about your values, likes and dislikes will churn out an overall percentage match, but if you can see their answers or look at compatibility on themes, that can be a really helpful way to work out what you’re getting into. If you have a high match percentage, but the areas where you differ are ones that are absolutely non-negotiable for you or might have implications for your safety (for example, their views on gender roles or equal rights issues), you can save yourself a lot of time and a potentially uncomfortable date by avoiding that person from the very beginning. ## **3. Always tell someone else about your plans** You don’t have to tell your friends or family members everything about your love life, but whenever you go out with someone new, you should make sure that at least one other person knows who you are meeting, when and where. **More:** [Why won’t women date me?](https://www.guycounseling.com/women-refuse-date-men/) Ideally, also send them a screenshot of your date’s profile. In the unlikely event that the date becomes something more sinister, at least someone will know who you were meeting and where you have been. ## **4. Meet in a public place** Many restaurants, bars and pubs have systems set up entirely to deal with anyone who feels unsafe with their dates. There may be signs in the bathroom telling you how you can seek help or get home safe, and you can take an opportunity at the bar to say something to the staff. You don’t have this option if you’re alone with your date in an environment where it’s also difficult to get time alone. Even if your date has a wonderfully romantic idea about seeing the stars in the middle of nowhere, you can always save that for later and insist on your idea instead, at least for the first date. ## **5. Set up a text system with a friend** When you’re telling your friend about your plans for the night, arrange for them to text you an hour or so after the time you’ll meet your date. It gives you the opportunity to tell them if something isn’t quite right and arrange for them to help you leave early if that’s necessary. If they don’t get a response from you within thirty minutes, or an hour (or whatever works for you), they should try calling you instead. It’s just one text message, and it’s for your safety; your date will understand. And if they are upset by the idea that you want to stay safe, that in itself could be a worrying sign. Make sure to also let your friend know when you have arrived home safely at the end of your date. ## **6. Don’t go back to stranger’s home on the first night  Even after a few hours of talking, you still know very little about a person and you are going to be the least safe in their home. In yours, you could find yourself in a position where you want them to leave and they won’t. In an ideal world, you might wait a little longer before being intimate alone together, but there’s always a possibility that you both get carried away. If this is the case, and you really feel that you want to spend the night together, the safest way to do so would be to book a hotel where there are other people nearby and either one of you can leave easily if you choose to do so. ## **7. Trust your gut** Probably one of the most important things you can do to keep yourself safe is to trust your gut. Yep, we’re talking about your listening to your inner voice. If the person you are communicating with seems sketchy or vibes out “weird”, it’s important to pay attention to that. Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for not continuing a conversation. If they keep pushing for dialogue even after stopping dialogue, don’t be afraid to block them. ## **Wrap Up** The vast majority of people who use dating apps never experience problems. Still, it doesn’t hurt to implement the basics described above to enhance your safety. Obviously, use common sense. Lean into your sense of intuition. Most of all, don’t engage in anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Dating Apps, Online Dating, Safety --- ### [Is Your ADHD Medication Making You Hallucinate?](https://guycounseling.com/adhd-medication-hallucinate/) **Published:** August 23, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![young man with anxiety ](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/anxiety-man-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: There can be some unpleasant side effects of a popular ADHD drug.** ## SHORT VERSION If you hallucinate after taking your ADHD medication, it might not be a coincidence. ## LONG VERSION ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder) is a common diagnosis that is typically marked by an inability to focus and sometimes impulsive tendencies. While the numbers are somewhat scattered, current lines of [research](https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/adult-adhd) suggest approximately 5.3 percent of kids/teens struggle with this mental health challenge. Conversely, the number of adults who have ADHD is thought to be around 4 percent. You may be wondering why all of this is important to know? Well, according to a new [paper](https://www.exeley.com/journal/sj_child_adolescent_psychiatry_psychology) published in the *Scandinavian Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Psychology*, a popular drug used in the treatment of ADHD may cause psychotic symptoms. **Specifically, we’re talking about hallucinations, anxiety, and problems concentrating. Some people call this tripping.** The name of the drug is Methylphenidate and usually sold under the name brands Ritalin and Concerta. Doctors prescribe this pill to treat ADHD and other conditions such as narcolepsy. A central nervous system stimulant, the medication acts paradoxically to help focus the mind and improve overall concentration. Believe it or not, it’s been on the market since 1960 and widely used by consumers. How much is it used? Try 2.4 billion doses worldwide in 2013 alone, according to research. Back to the paper appearing in that journal. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l1J9BNjq8Flf4XM40/giphy.gif?resize=453%2C453&ssl=1) A team of investigators went about the business of reviewing existing evidence to assess how this drug increases psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations. To accomplish this, they assessed several studies involving more than 77,000 participants via randomized and non-randomized trials. Not to get into the nitty-gritty (but we must) they identified 873 occurrences of psychotic symptoms in the non-randomized studies (55,603 participants). In an observational study (aka a cohort study), methylphenidate was shown to greatly increase the risk of experiencing a psychotic symptom by a whopping 36 percent. Bottom line? The paper suggests that somewhere around 1.1% to 2.5% of ADHD patients taking Methylphenidate may experience one or more of the side-effects described above. Does this mean you or your child shouldn’t take Ritalin or Concerta? That’s not what the paper is suggesting. To keep it real, almost all drugs have side-effects, including those to treat common mental health issues like depression and anxiety. That said, the conclusions from the paper may help to explain the onset of psychotic symptoms for some folks while taking this ADHD medication. Obviously, it’s important to talk to your doctor about any symptoms, particularly if you already have [some form of anxiety](https://www.guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/). **Do you take Methylphenidate? Have you experienced any weird side-effects?** **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** ADHD, Drugs, Side-Effects --- ### [First Look at the 2019 Dodge Durango SRT](https://guycounseling.com/2019-dodge-durango-821/) **Published:** August 21, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![dodge ](https://i0.wp.com/www.guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/dodge-1-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Check out the Dodge Durango SRT The Dodge Durango is the dinosaur of the SUV market, a truck-like SUV that doesn’t even attempt great fuel economy or stellar safety ratings. This Dodge Durango is the third generation, having received some much-needed upgrades back in 2014. It comes in base model SXT, GT, Citadel, R/T and SRT. There are three rows of seating on all but the base model and three powertrain options for the Durango, but the SRT has a powertrain and features of its own. The SRT model, added in 2018 as a performance vehicle disguised as a family mover, is a sporty, almost truck-like SUV that is architecturally a mix between the Dodge Challenger SRT and the Jeep Cherokee. ## Performance Capabilities The 2019 Dodge Durango SRT is a performance first vehicle, so it only makes sense to start under the hood. The SRT comes with a 6.4-liter V8 engine that produces a whopping 475 horsepower and 470 pound-feet of torque. Managed by an 8-speed automatic transmission, the Durango SRT can go from zero to 60 mph in just 4.4 seconds. As a point of comparison, the 2018 Range Rover Velar covers the same distance in 6.4 seconds. The Durango SRT isn’t just packed with horsepower either. It has Brembo brakes, standard all-wheel drive and adaptive dampers to provide a handling upgrade that matches all the power of the drivetrain. **More:** [Chevy Volt 2018 worth the money?](https://www.guycounseling.com/2018-chevy-volt-review/) The Durango SRT can also really haul … assets. It has a tow rating of 8,700 pounds, but it lacks the off-road prowess of a Jeep. However, there is a drawback to all that belligerence, and it comes at the fuel pump. The 2019 Dodge Durango SRT gets just 13 miles per gallon in the city and 19 mpg on the highway. You’ll need to put premium unleaded fuel in the Durango SRT so each fill-up will probably feel like giving blood. ## Style Elements As mentioned earlier, the 2019 Dodge Durango SRT looks more like a truck than a crossover. It sits rather tall at 70.9 inches and has a low minimum ground clearance of 8.1 inches. The basic design is a bit dated, but the 2019 SRT benefits from some distinctive style elements. The front fascia has a crosshair grille design and a domed hood for air extraction. With a white pearl exterior paint and dual black racing stripes, the Durango SRT looks positively breath-taking. Inside the cabin, you’ll find SRT signature badges and stunning red leather seating, a thickly-padded steering wheel, custom headliner and carbon fiber paneling. ## Technology The 2019 Dodge Durango SRT comes with an 8-inch touchscreen interface, keyless ignition and a few USB ports sprinkled around the cabin. The much-sought-after Apple Car Play and Android Auto compatibility are also standard tech features. The layout of the center console is simple and straightforward, as you would expect from this vehicle. It is indeed a man’s SUV with few unnecessary adornments or cluttered buttons. The navigation controls work with the Chrysler Uconnect software, and it’s relatively easy to customize the screens to suit your needs. ## Safety Features In recent years, Dodge vehicles have had poor safety equipment and even poorer ratings from the government. It’s the brand’s Achilles’ heel. The 2019 Dodge Durango SRT does come with some advanced safety features, but still lacks the safety scores of its nearest competitors. Dodge should have made features like rear parking sensors, lane-departure warnings and lane-keeping assist standard on the SRT and other models. Instead, they got bundled into the Technology Package, so you’ll have to pay more to get them. Blind spot monitoring and rear cross-traffic alerts also come packaged at an additional cost. The Durango received a “marginal” rating from the IIHS and only a four-star rating from the NHTSA. When shoppers start comparing other brands, this could be a game-changer for Dodge. ## The Takeaway This might be one of your last chances to drive and enjoy such a powerful vehicle with a traditional gasoline engine. The 2019 Dodge Durango SRT is for driving enthusiasts who dream of drag racing, not your casual city cruiser who needs space for the kids and groceries. As an optional Lightweight package, you can even have the third row of seating removed from the Durango SRT. Drawbacks for this vehicle are the low MPG and safety ratings, as well as the starting cost of over USD 60,000. However, if you’re interested in the Durango SRT at all, it’s doubtful that these factors will steer you away from such a versatile performance vehicle. This SUV is all about the thrill, the sound, and the experience. Hopefully, this won’t be your primary mode of transportation, but you’ll be hard-pressed to find a more exciting weekend traveler. Are you a fan of Dodge vehicles? **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** automobiles, Car, cars --- ### [Here’s Some Tips for Beating the Afternoon Slump](https://guycounseling.com/afternoon-slump-tips/) **Published:** August 20, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![man on beach - change your afternoon slump](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/yoga-man-beach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Tips for charging up your energy levels Are you feeling a bit rundown in the afternoon, especially between the hours of 2 and 5 PM? Then, you’ve got a bad case of the afternoon slump. That’s when your body and mind lose the lion’s share of your morning’s energy and it usually occurs about an hour or two after eating lunch. Here are the symptoms: - headache - falling asleep or nodding off - inability to concentrate - irritability - excessive yawning - problems with vision There are several different reasons why your body runs out of steam in the afternoon. Mostly, it’s connected to what you eat and [how you sleep](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-loneliness-817/). ### Possible Causes and Solutions ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/woodsy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ### Low Sugar Levels The metabolic root cause has to do with low sugar levels in your bloodstream and stress, also known as adrenal fatigue. The adrenal glands produce cortisol, a hormone that helps us deal with stress. In a high stress situation, cortisol is rapidly depleted, and the result is you feel foggy and less energetic. You might have noticed that you feel more tired at work on days when the stress level in the office is exceptionally high. So, you might be able to beat the afternoon slump by having a light snack. Don’t go for something high in calories or saturated-fats. Bananas are a good source of B vitamins that will boost your mental alertness. Almonds are great sources of magnesium and Vitamin E. Popcorn is also a fun, low calorie food that will get your through the afternoon slump. ### Food Coma It can be difficult to eat the right foods when you might only have half an hour for your lunch break. It’s easy to pop into the local fast food joint and scarf down a 600-calorie burger without a second thought about how it will make you feel in an hour. You could be suffering from something known as postprandial sleepiness, or as it’s commonly known – a food coma. That’s when you’ve eaten a lunch that is high in calories, proteins, and saturated-fat. Your brain produces an excess amount of serotonin and you feel like putting your head down on the desk. You start daydreaming about your couch and trying to string sentences together for that monthly presentation is taking way too much effort. You simply can’t think straight. Well, in 2016, researchers at the [Scripps Research Institute](https://elifesciences.org/articles/19334) found that the amount of food we eat and the amount of proteins and salts contained in that food released chemicals in the brain that induced sleep. The food coma is real. One way to beat the afternoon slump is to avoid high calorie foods at lunchtime. As difficult as that may be when you’re on a tight schedule, you can achieve wonders by packing your own lunch at home. Don’t settle for what’s around the office. Plan your meal and you’ll power through the afternoon slump like a champ. Meat-eaters: go for quality protein choices like salmon and tuna over a bed of mixed greens. Grilled chicken and veggies over a bed of brown rice will also get you through a long afternoon. Vegetarians: get your hands on some lentil soup or grilled veggies like asparagus or protein-rich cauliflower. Dieters: you’d be surprised how far an almond butter sandwich with honey and bananas will take you. (Maybe you want to eat two.) ### Lack of Sleep According to the [Cleveland Clinic](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/happens-body-dont-get-enough-sleep/), adults between the ages of 26 and 64 should get between 7 and 9 hours of sleep every night. However, the work/life demands of most professionals relegate that statistic to the realm of wishful thinking. We don’t often get enough sleep, but the effects of sleeplessness wreak havoc on our energy levels, especially in the afternoon. You feel less alert and scientists believe you even lose some of your short-term memory recall. Elon Musk made headlines in August when he told the New York Times that he works 120 hours a week and can only sleep with the help of prescription Ambien. The news caused Tesla stock prices to plummet because a lack of sleep will always lead to a lack of productivity and focus. The cure for lack of sleep is rather obvious. *Take a nap.* If your boss frowns upon you catching 40 winks in front of your computer screen, then point out that Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein and John F. Kennedy were all afternoon nappers. If you can take a nap, here’s a tip: *keep it short*. You only need a 20 to 30 minute nap to regain your mental alertness. Any more than that and you’re just going to disrupt your natural sleep cycle. ### The Takeaway The afternoon slump is killing your productivity, but you’re not out of the fight. Just pay close attention to the root causes. Make sure your blood sugar level is okay, eat a healthy, low-fat lunch and don’t feel bad if you need to take a little 20 minute nap. You can also do some light exercise to boost your heart rate and get your blood flowing again. You need to listen to your body and respond. Don’t just accept an afternoon slump as part of your work day. Always remember that you have the power to change your life for the better. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Energy, sleep, Slpeepy, Tired --- ### [How I Quit Smoking in Just Four Weeks](https://guycounseling.com/quit-smoking-four-weeks/) **Published:** August 20, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/smoking-pot-man-smoking-cigarette.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Want to quit smoking? Here’s my story that I hope inspires you So, you want to quit smoking cigarettes? Good for you. I don’t need to provide you with statistics about how bad smoking is for your body. It’s common knowledge, but quitting can often prove too much of a challenge even for light smokers. The best advice I can give you is don’t make a big deal about it. Don’t post your journey on social media. Don’t designate a Quit Day. Don’t throw a dramatic cold turkey party. Don’t make a New Year’s Resolution. I tried all of those things and failed miserably each time. Yet, I did manage to eventually quit smoking and here is my 4-week program. ## **Week One** “As a man thinketh in his soul, so is he.” That’s a quote from the Bible (Proverbs 23:7) and the inspiration for a powerful self-help book by James Allen called As A Man Thinketh. I used this quote and philosophy to start my campaign to quit smoking. Week One was all about intention. It’s the easy week. Every time that I lit a cigarette I told myself – “*I don’t smoke cigarettes*.” I chose this self-affirmation very carefully. I didn’t want to go with something like “*I want to quit smoking*.” Or “*I need to quit smoking at some point*.” My brain already knew that and these phrases weren’t specific enough. **More:** [Does Quit Tea really help you stop smoking?](https://guycounseling.com/quit-tea-help-stop-smoking-rip-off/) I chose to tell myself that I am not a cigarette smoker every time I lit up a cigarette so that maybe my sub-conscious mind would feel as if it was doing something contrary to my true nature. I still smoked the same amount as usual, but each time that I pulled a cigarette out of the pack I said, “*I don’t smoke cigarettes*.” By the end of the first week, it caused me to pause just long enough to contemplate what I was doing on a deeper level. So, week one was all about making the intention real and getting it deep into my mind. ## **Week Two** For the second week I went out and bought a brand-new pack of cigarettes. I opened the pack and cut all the cigs in half. I still smoked at the same times during the day, but instead of getting the full hit of nicotine and all those 5000 chemicals, I reduced my intake by 50%. Cigarettes contain chemicals like formaldehyde, benzene, and arsenic, not just tobacco. These are cancer-causing poisons that have no place in your body. Knowing this, I resisted the urge to double-up and smoke more. I just kept saying “*I don’t smoke cigarettes*.” and I would just smoke half. This was a difficult week for sure, but I found that I wasn’t as addicted to nicotine as I previously thought. Actually, I was more addicted to the habit of smoking, inhaling and exhaling the smoke at certain times of day. I needed two cigarettes in the morning. I needed two cigarettes on my first work break. I needed two cigarettes after lunch and so on and so on. When I smoked my sawed-off cigarettes, I was still maintaining the comforting habit of smoking, but something else was going on inside my body. I was weaning myself off cigarettes slowly and effectively. By the end of the week I noticed that I was less lethargic, less congested and had more energy. ## **Week Three** On the first day of the third week I went out and bought a vaporizer. An e-cigarette or vape device will give you a hit of nicotine without any tar or carbon monoxide. Nicotine isn’t known to cause cancer if of itself, but it’s the other chemicals in cigarette smoke that are so dangerous to your health. Health officials in England suggest that vaping is 95 percent safer than smoking cigarettes. Ministers of Parliament in England are even debating on whether or not to make [e-cigarettes available by prescription](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2018/08/17/let-e-cigarette-users-vape-offices-buses-say-mps-controversial/) and whether or not to lift the bans on vaping in public places as a way to reduce smoking in the UK. The trick here is not to get too invested in vaping if you want to quit nicotine and cigarettes for good. That was my goal, so I bought the cheapest vaporizer I could find. I bought a MyBlu starter kit and a single pack of e-liquid pods for around $ 15 USD. I became an instant fan of vaping. I was elated that I no longer smelled like an ashtray and that I wasn’t inhaling smoke. Yet, it was difficult to tell how much nicotine I was getting because vaping delivers the nicotine in a different way than cigarettes. You’re not finishing a cigarette, so you don’t know when you’re done. My best advice is to enjoy some experimentation to find your ideal amount. For me, I vaped at the same times of day that I would smoke cigarettes. About six or seven puffs seemed to be the equivalent for me of smoking one cigarette, but that could vary depending on the person. Don’t make vaping a pavilion. Make it a bridge. It’s temporary, not your new *thing.* That’s what got me through the vaping stage. Instead of inhaling all those chemicals, now I was just getting my nicotine fix. I could see the finish line just up ahead. ## **Week Four** This was the hardest week of all. Yet, I was already riding high from spending at least one week away from cigarettes. In week four, I even put away the vaporizer. I didn’t spend a lot of money on an expensive device, so it was easy to just put it away for a while. Instead, I picked up an all-black ink pen that looked and felt a bit like my vape pen. At the prescribed times when I would take a puff, I just put the end of the pen in my mouth and pretended to smoke. Placebos alone have been proven to be widely ineffective at helping people quit. At first, there was no fooling my body. It protested this radical new placebo treatment by giving me severe headaches, nausea and irritability. My body was saying “where’s my stuff?”  but I kept saying “I don’t smoke cigarettes.” The urge to just pick up the vaporizer was strong, too. Eventually, I needed to also do something else to distract myself while I took a fake puff on my placebo pen. So, I would use that time to scroll through social media, write in my journal or talk on the phone. As long as I took a few fake puffs on the pen, I didn’t feel like I was quitting. The days went by and before I knew it I was already getting ready for the weekend. I had gone at least two weeks without smoking cigarettes and one week without nicotine. ## ***The Aftermath*** Surprisingly, the urge to smoke never quite went away. It’s been 6 months now and I still haven’t smoked, but my realization of just how powerfully-addictive nicotine and the habit of smoking were became glaringly obvious once I tried to quit. The findings of a [research study](https://pulmccm.org/randomized-controlled-trials/e-cigarettes-double-smokers-quit-rates-vs-placebo-meta-analysis/) from the Center for Global Tobacco Control found that over a period of time greater than one year, more than a third of participants relapsed within three years. It’s tough to quit and stay smoke-free. Stress is one of the greatest triggers, that and a ripping good night out drinking with your friends. This is my method for quitting, but only long-term vigilance will keep cigarettes at bay. You can find your own path or seek professional help. There are prescription treatments, over-the-counter products and rehabilitation specialists who can cater a quit schedule to your specific needs. So, please consider speaking to a healthcare professional about your desire to quit smoking. Don’t give up. Keep trying until something works. Just a week after you quit, you’ll have greater lung capacity, significantly reduced risk of heart attack, increased blood flow, better sexual performance and better self-esteem. So, build a bridge, guys. You can do it! **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Cigarettes, Quit Smoking, Smoking --- ### [Review of the 2019 INFINITI QX50 – The Total Package](https://guycounseling.com/infiniti-2019-qx50-review-819/) **Published:** August 19, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/infiniti-2019.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Summary The 2019 INFINITI QX50 is one of the most highly-anticipated crossovers to hit the market and one of the highest rated vehicles of the year. It gets excellent marks for safety, innovative driving technology and a luxurious interior. The higher model trims can get a bit pricey, but finally for a small crossover it feels worth it. ## Introduction to the QX50 The 2019 INFINITI QX50 is a small luxury crossover that aims to give Audi and BMW automakers a run for their money. It’s got everything you’d come to expect from a luxury crossover – leather and wood and big screens, but it also has style and power. The 2019 QX50 is available in three model trims: Pure, Luxe and Essential. The MSRP starts at $36,550 but can reach as high as $50,000 with all the best packaged features equipped on the Essential QX50 model with all-wheel drive. For a grab bag of awesome features, take a closer look at the Sensory Package which adds 20-inch wheels, maple wood interior trim, cube design LED headlights, and a premium audio system. ## Performance The 2019 INFINITI QX50 has the first variable compression turbo engine on a production car. It’s a big deal, but you don’t see INFINITI clogging your social media feed about it. The VC Turbo is capable of varying the engine’s displacement ratio based on how much power you actually need at any given moment. So, it’s still sporty when you want it to be, but now it’s even more fuel efficient. The new QX50 gets 24 miles per gallon in the city, 30 mpg on the highway, and 26 combined. That’s a remarkable improvement over the 2018 model and most crossovers in the category such as the 2019 Audi Q5. The VC 2.0 Liter turbo four in the INFINITI QX50 reduces the horsepower of the previous engine from 325 in 2018 to 268 horsepower this year. It’s not a high revving monster. You’ll get more power and torque in the low range of RPMS this time around so look out for that initial leap when you press the accelerator.  The 2019 QX50 is managed by a CVT automatic transmission. You can toggle the CVT into Sport mode and you’ll get much shorter, punchier gears. The steering and handling aren’t tuned to match the torque-chomping engine. The QX50 languishes in turns and the steering response is loose and comfortable. You can choose between front-wheel and all-wheel drive on all model trims, but only the all-wheel drive models can tow anything substantial. When you add the tow package, the 2019 INFINITI QX50 is capable of handling 3,000 lbs. It comes with a tow hitch, wiring harness and coolers for the oil and radiator. ## Exterior Style You won’t find any garish folds or jutting panels on this crossover. The 2019 INFINITI QX50 is subtle and elegant. The front grille keeps with the brand design by incorporating a double arc and domed hood. The profile channels light into a pool of lower door panelling and the effect is repeated again just beneath the beltline. Dual chrome-tipped exhaust tips accent the back fender and give the QX50 a more aggressive look. The rear window is a bit small, but the kinked rear roof panels insure that driver visibility is never fully compromised. A motion-activated rear hatch comes standard on the QX50 and opens higher than the roof to make loading in your goods even easier. To see the best exterior style cues, you should opt for the Essential model and one of the premium exterior paint finishes such as Eclipse Black, Sunstone Red or Majestic White. Ironically, the most basic color palettes you can choose will come with an extra $500 price tag. ## Interior Amenities The 2019 INFINITI QX50 is unbeatable when it comes to interior features. The QX50 has class-leading cargo space with 65.1 cubic feet of interior to play around with. That’s partly due to the small footprint of the VC Turbo engine which allows the entire cabin to move forward just a bit. Also, the rear seats can slide, recline and fold down. There’s 39.6 inches of legroom up front and 38.7 inches of legroom in the rear. When you enter the stratosphere of luxury vehicles, leather and wood trim are amenities that go without saying. It all comes down to what kind of leather and what type of woodgrain trim a luxury vehicle has available. Well, the 2019 INFINITI QX50 doesn’t disappoint. The autograph package delights the senses with white semi-aniline leather and natural maple wood trims. It also includes a blue stitching for the seats and blue Ultrasuede headliner with matching accents in the door panels. ## Safety Features The base model of the 2019 INFNITI QX50 comes with some basic standard safety equipment. You get forward collision warning, emergency forward braking, and a rearview camera. The Essential trim is where the rest of the advanced safety features are lurking. Once you reach the highest model trim, there is no limit to the amount of safety features you can add to the vehicle. The Essential model QX50 comes with an around view monitor with motion detectors. You can equip the ProAssist package to include backup collision warning and rear cross traffic alert. The ProActive package has lane departure warning and prevention, blind spot intervention to avoid collisions with objects you might have missed, and an intelligent cruise control function that can change lanes. ## Final Verdict The 2019 QX50 silently excels at the art of sophistication. The exterior is curvaceous and sporty, a design phenomenon in the crossover category. The four-cylinder engine is an innovation in of itself and delivers 28 combined MPG. One of the only drawbacks with the 2019 INFINITI QX50 is that some of the feature packages aren’t compatible with each other. For example, the tow package can’t be equipped with the premium audio and heating package. That makes for a frustrating customization experience that tries to mimic what Porsche automakers provide their buyers, but with less effectiveness. Also, the infotainment system is overly-complicated. It’s a shame that the QX50 comes up short in those aspects of the interior. Yet, it still rates higher than nearly any other small crossover on the market. Buyers advice: wait another year and then put yourself behind the wheel of an INFINITI QX50. Do you own an INFINITI QX50? What are you impressions? **Categories:** Reviews **Tags:** automobiles, cars, INFINITI --- ### [Dove Men Care Thickening Shampoo Review – Does it Work?](https://guycounseling.com/dove-thickening-shampoo-men/) **Published:** May 2, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![dove thickening shampoo review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-wall-handsome.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Dove Men Care Thickening Shampoo Over the past few years, I’ve noticed that my hair has started to thin on top. Likely a function of genetics – I suppose I’ve reached the age where I should expect this type of thing to happen. At any rate, hoping to find something to help keep the hair I’ve got and to thicken my mane, I decided to pick up a bottle of Dove Men Care Thickening Shampoo. What follows is a quick review of my experience. As a matter of full disclosure, I need to say that I am also on the prescription drug [Propecia](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamadermatology/article-abstract/477740?redirect=true) and use Minoxidil (5%) daily as part of my self-care routine. So, does Dove’s Men Care Thickening Shampoo work? Is it worth spending the money? All I can tell you is that after using this product for three months, I was pleasantly surprised at the result. While I can’t say that it caused new hair growth, I can say that my hair was noticeably stronger and thicker. **More:** [Just for men beard coloring review](https://guycounseling.com/just-for-men-beard-dye-review/) In addition, it seemed like my hair was also more manageable. Generally speaking, my locks are frizzy and so trying to find something to make it less crazy has been hard. Before I forget, you may be wondering what kind of conditioner I used? The answer is American Crew Daily Conditioner. I got it as a holiday gift and I figured why waste it, you know? A [barber](https://guycounseling.com/barbershop-haircut-men/) told me years ago that you should never shampoo daily but that conditioning is OK. So, that is what I have been doing. Three times a week, I used the Dove product. Five to six times, I conditioned (usually, I don’t shower one day a week if I am being completely honest). ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/ySMlUbk6qZENa/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **What I liked:** Here is what I liked about Dove Men’s Care Thickening Shampoo. - The smell was pleasant – not overpowering. - A little bit goes a long way (about a quarter sized amount) - Noticeable results after the first two weeks - Didn’t dry my scalp out like some shampoos ## **What I didn’t like:** Honestly, I can’t say there was anything that bothered me about the product. If I had to pick one thing, I suppose it would be the bottle was a little big for my bathroom. It’s 12 fluid ounces. Some might say the amount of liquid in the container is a plus. I know there is a combination thickening and conditioning product available by the company. Once I am done with my current bottle of just the shampoo, I might pick up the 2 in 1 item. So, is Dove’s Men Care thickening shampoo worth the money? At a national retail price of around $6.00, it’s super hard for me to tell you it is not. I recognize there are other reviews on the Internet that suggests the product doesn’t work and that the folks at Unilever have created a clever marketing campaign. My own experience, however, was positive. I like the caffeine ingredient because it seems to have fortified my hair. Additionally, I think the shampoo itself did a great job of cleaning. Well, there you have it. My review of Dove’s thickening shampoo. Have you used this product? If so, what was your experience? Would you recommend to other guys? Photo credit: Pexels **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Reviews **Tags:** Conditioner. Grooming, Shampoo. Thinning Hair --- ### [What's New With The 2019 Chevrolet (Chevy) Blazer?](https://guycounseling.com/2019-chevy-blazer/) **Published:** July 22, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![chevy blazer 2019](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/chevy-blazer-2019.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **The 2019 Chevy Blazer rundown** The 2019 Chevrolet (Chevy) Blazer scoots into the lineup somewhere between the Equinox and the Traverse. It’s a mid-sized crossover that leaves behind the bonafide truck amenities of its namesake to delve into the next generation of trendy, style-first utility vehicles. There are three model trims available: the base model, the sporty RS, and the top-of-the-line Premier. Each model trim has its allure with signature style elements and features both inside and out. The front grille sure does look tough, but Chevrolet has to get generous with the features to remain competitive in an over-crowded segment that grows larger every year. ## **1. New Style** At first glance, the new [Chevrolet Blazer](https://www.chevrolet.com/upcoming-vehicles/all-new-blazer) grabs your attention. “The Blazer has attitude,” said John Cafaro, executive director, Global Chevrolet Design. “It looks commanding on the road, while fulfilling the promise of versatility at the heart of every Chevy crossover and SUV.” The new design will feature low headlights and an aggressive, dominant front grille on all models. The Premier model trim has additional chrome accents here and there while the RS model trim has sporty, blacked-out features. **More:** [What makes a car manly?](https://guycounseling.com/makes-car-manly/) The side fenders of the body frame fan out at the base and the blacked-out, 21-inch wheels of the RS model are sure to be big hits. In the rear of the Blazer, there are dual exhaust ports, a high-backed liftgate with a built-in spoiler, and a unique tail light assembly. ## **2. Performance Capabilities** Blazer chief engineer, Waqar Hashim, insists that “the Chevrolet Blazer is more than just good looks.” There are two powertrain options available. Base models will come with a 2.5-liter, inline 4 that produces 193 horsepower and 188 pound-feet of torque. That’s not exactly blowing the doors off the competition. So, it might be advisable to take a closer look at the available 3.6-liter, V6 engine that achieves 305 hp and 269 pound-feet of torque. Both powertrain options are mated to a 9-speed automatic transmission. Perhaps the most impressive features in the performance department are the twin-clutch all-wheel-drive option and standard Traction Select. It’s not a Jeep, but the V6 engine is capable of towing 4,500 pounds. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/8dNZXw6LOlgnm/giphy.gif?resize=475%2C346&ssl=1) ## **3. Interior Amenities** There are two rows of seating for five passengers inside the vehicle. The second row folds down stretch capacity to 64.2 cubic feet of cargo space. In comparison, the Honda CR-V has 75.8  cubic feet of cargo space with its rear seats folded down. So, the Blazer has to bank on other interior amenities to beat out the competition. The Blazer does have a sliding back seat that makes it easier to access that space. **More:** [Learn about the 67 Chevy Camaro!](https://guycounseling.com/camaro-1967-facts/) A panoramic sunroof, padded knee zones for the rear bench and grab-handles on the doors also are available. The Premier model has leather and chrome; the RS model has leather and red trim. Both are interesting and sporty inside, but far from luxurious. ## **4. Technology** On the tech side, the 2019 Chevy Blazer does have some points in the win column, most of which are available even on the base model. The much-sought-after Apple CarPlay and Android Auto compatibility functions are standard, and so is a generous 8-inch touchscreen display. You also get a one-month 4G/LTE WiFi subscription. Hitch Guidance and Hitch View employ the onboard cameras to make trailering much more manageable for novices. Don’t count on seeing those features on the base model, however; you at least need to upgrade to the V6 model to incorporate those. Other standout tech features include an electronically locking glove box, wireless device charging, and up to six USB ports. ## **5. Safety Features** Automakers at Chevrolet are still tight-lipped about which models will get which safety features. Adaptive cruise control and a rear-camera mirror are reserved for the Premier and RS model trims. Safety features such as forward-collision warning and automatic emergency braking are ominously missing from the automaker’s official press kit. It’s also somewhat early to determine the vehicle’s crash and safety ratings from the IIHS and NHTSA. ## **The Takeaway** If first impressions were all that mattered, then the 2019 Chevrolet Blazer would win every time. Its distinctive exterior style and iconic name are sure to gobble up attention. It does have all-wheel-drive capabilities and some serious towing capacity that puts it smack dab in the center of a highly competitive vehicle segment. However, the interior underwhelms on the base model, which doesn’t have the cargo capacity of a mid-sized crossover from Honda or offer unique amenities that you can’t find anywhere else. Technology and infotainment are fair, but the verdict is still out on the available safety features. If Chevrolet can manage to offer automatic braking or forward-collision alerts as standard equipment, then the Blazer will genuinely be more than just a one trick pony. **Categories:** Field Notes, Reviews **Tags:** automobiles, Blazer, cars --- ### [Xtend-Life Kanapa Men's Skin Care Products - Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/kanapa-mens-skin-care-review/) **Published:** July 26, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive man washing face](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/attractive-man-washing-face.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Kanapa by X-Tend men’s skin-care product review** If you are like a lot of guys, you probably care about the way your face looks. I know that is certainly true for me. Is it any wonder that the men’s grooming space is a multi-billion dollar endeavor? Hoping to create a change in [my skincare routine](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/), I decided to try out the X-Tend Life Kanapa facial product line for men. They are a New Zealand based company that started in 1998. Many of their products are focused on anti-aging and healthier living. Before we get too far into things, it’s important that I share with you now that I’m not getting paid in any way for this review. Additionally, I have no vested interest in the company. Now that we have that bit of information out of the way, let’s move on to the actual review. In my case, I ended up ordering the following products directly from the company: - Kanapa hydrating facial fluid for men (3.38 FL OZ) - Kanapa revitalizing exfoliating scrub for men (3.38 FL OZ) - Kanapa foaming facial cleanser for men (3.38 FL OZ) In my case, I used all three products over the course of a thirty-day period as part of my evening skincare routine. Bottom line: I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Facial cleanser To begin with, I found the foaming facial cleanser to be gentle and non-irritating. Because I’ve long struggled with oily skin, I worried that their product might not do the job. Wow was I wrong. Not only did the cleanser remove the buildup of daily debris from my face, it also washed out the excess oil that was causing a bit of a shine. Hydrating Fluid As mentioned earlier, I incorporated the [X-Tend Life](https://www.xtend-life.com/)  Kanapa brand into my nighttime ritual. It was during this time that I applied the hydrating fluid (after using the cleanser). I tell you with confidence that the fluid has quickly become one of my favorite moisturizers. Not only does it go on light, a small amount goes a long way. Moreover, it left my face looking smoother and healthier. Finally, the moisturizer didn’t leave a shine like so many products do. Exfoliating Scrub I’ve always recommended that guys exfoliate and use [some type of a mask](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/) at least once a week. In the case of the Kanapa exfoliating scrub, I’ve got to say I really liked it. What’s great is that it uses all-natural ingredients. Also, the scrub, which is brownish in color, contains antioxidants to help nourish the dermal layer. Most surprising was that the product didn’t cause my face to feel overly dry. If you’ve ever used a scrub before, you know that many of them can have this effect. **So, you are probably wondering if X-Tend’s Skin Care for Men Products are worth the money?** I can only speak to my experience and say that I was very pleased with the cleanser, moisturizer, and scrub. They were easy to apply and stacked up nicely on my medicine cabinet. If there’s one thing guys prefer when it comes to a grooming routine, it’s this – simplicity. When you order all three together, you have a built in facial care program ready to go with no hassle and no fuss. Pricing on all three products varies. You can order directly from the company online or from online retail outlets. At the time of this post, the hydrating lotion has a national retail price of approximately $45.00 USD. The cleanser hovers around $23.00. And the scrub around $26.00. ## **Suggestion for X-Tend Life** I would be remiss in saying that if there was one downside to the men’s product line, it’s this – the skin care items don’t come in a kit. What would really help a lot of guys interested in buying your amazing products is to box – and sell them – together. This allows the consumer to order everything at once as part of a one stop shopping experience. ## **Final Thoughts** In the final analysis, I can say with certainty that I truly liked the X-Tend Life Kanpa skin care brand for men. There are other reviews on the web that may suggest otherwise but that just wasn’t my experience. What impressed me most about the trio of products was the emphasis on natural ingredients and anti-aging benefits. After using them in tandem over a 30-day period, I can honestly say that my face looks better. Interestingly, a friend of mine even noticed a change. In my appearance. No, she didn’t say that I looked younger. But she did remark that there was something different about my face (in a positive way). Have you used X-Tend Life’s Kanapa skin care products for men? If so, what was your experience? Be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below. A lot of guys would love to read what you have to say. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News, Reviews **Tags:** Moisturizer, Review, Scrub, Skin Care --- ### [Is the 2018 Chevy Volt Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/2018-chevy-volt-review/) **Published:** August 4, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![chevy volt 2018](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/chevy-volt-2018.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Review of the 2018 Chevy Volt** The 2018 Chevrolet Volt is a [plug-in hybrid](https://www.chevrolet.com/electric/volt-plug-in-hybrid) that bridges the gap between eco-friendly fuel and economy packaging. There are two variants: LT and Premier. The 2018 Chevrolet Volt has steered away from the conventional “look-at-me” style of flex fuel vehicles and has opted for a more traditional gasoline vehicle body style. The standard equipment is ample and the safety ratings are in the top tiers for hybrid vehicles. There are some new additions to the 2018 Chevrolet Volt. The LT Driver Confidence Package comes with Rear Park Assist, Rear Cross-Traffic Alert and Side Blind Zone Alert. The LT model also gets new vinyl covers for the steering wheel and shift knob. There are also some new exterior paint palettes for 2018: Green Mist Metallic, Satin Steel Metallic and Cajun Red Tintcoat. ## **Performance – How does it all work?** The 2018 Chevrolet Volt has a 53 mile electric (EV) range and a whopping 420 mile total range. The Volt has an 18.4 kWh Lithium-ion battery for electric propulsion that is capable of reaching 149 horsepower and 294 lb. ft. of torque. This battery pack also has a Rechargeable Energy Storage System with built-in cooling controls. You can rest assured that you’ll never be stranded because once this electric propulsion reaches its limits, the 2018 Chevrolet Volt employs the 1.5 Liter, 4-cylinder gasoline-powered engine to do the heavy lifting. This traditional engine is rated at 42 MPG, boosting that total driving range up to 420 miles. **Related:** [What’s new with the 2019 Porsche Cayenne?](https://guycounseling.com/porsche-cayenne-2019/) The battery assembly is located between the driver and front passenger, directly beneath the center of the vehicle, giving the Volt exceptional balance and handling. It’s a front wheel drive setup but the power distribution is a bit next level. Either the vehicle’s propulsion can be powered by two electric motors, or one motor can be used to recharge the battery system using the kinetic energy of the wheel assembly. Also, the gasoline engine can kick-in to offer more power when needed. That’s a rather complex automatic function, especially for the price range of this vehicle. Charging the 2018 Chevrolet Volt with a 120-volt charging station will take the better part of a day, but a 240-volt station will get the job done in less than six hours. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl85g6hhLc9/?tagged=chevyvolt ## **Style Points** The front nose of the vehicle is rather hawkish and features the Chevy signature dual grille. That’s not chrome on the Volt’s lips, but it does have some cool silver paneling there. The hood has deep contours that lead into a low-angled front windshield. The profile is less distinctive but features a deep gash in the lower paneling. The rear bumper juts upward, but the clear taillight configuration is smooth and aggressive. The interior is an economy package at any model trim level. For some reason, the leather steering wheel option on the LT was dropped out of this year’s vehicle. Instead, there’s a vinyl cover that feels rather cheap and plasticky. The seats are reminiscent of luggage with black monotone cloth covers and blue accent stitching. If you can overlook the style of the 2018 Chevrolet Volt, you might actually start to like it. ## **Creature Comforts** Chevrolet would like to assert that the Volt has comfortable seating for five, but that is a bit over-zealous. There’s 10.6 cubic feet of trunk space. By comparison, the 2018 Mazda 3 doubles that number. The 2018 Chevrolet Volt has 90 cubic feet of passenger volume while the Mazda 3 has 96.4. So, you see, the Volt is somewhat lagging behind the competition in terms of creature comforts. The Premier model upgrades the platform to heated seats throughout the cabin, a leather shift knob and a heated, leather-wrapped steering wheel. ## **Safety Features** A complement of 10 airbags, an OnStar trial subscription and a rear-view camera are standard safety features for the 2018 Volt. Another interesting safety feature from Chevrolet is the Teen Driving Mode. You can find it on nearly all Chevy vehicles. It allows parents to customize which vehicle features are available for teen drivers. You can limit the radio volume, prevent safety features from being disabled, and receive reports about your teen’s driving habits. **Related:** [Manly cars explored](https://guycounseling.com/makes-car-manly/) Aside from that, most of the sought-after safety features are bundled together. As mentioned earlier, the LT model has a safety package that includes Rear Park Assist, Rear Cross-Traffic Alert and Side Blind Zone Alert. The Premier Driver Confidence Package steps up the features by adding lane change alert and can be upgraded even further to include Forward Collision Alert, Lane Keep Assist, Forward Automatic Braking (low-speed), Following Distance Indicator and Intellibeam headlamps. https://www.instagram.com/p/BmB0LMLBrxD/?tagged=chevyvolt ## **Infotainment** The 2018 Chevrolet Volt overcomes some of its failings in the creature comfort category by providing some nifty infotainment features as standard options. Each Volt comes with an 8-inch touchscreen that’s compatible with Apple CarPlay and Android Auto. Even Audi doesn’t offer those features as standard equipment on their luxury vehicles. The Chevrolet Volt has a 4G LTE Wi-Fi Hotspot built in, 2 USB ports and 3 months of OnStar service. The Premier model trim’s upgrades include an 8 speaker BOSE audio system and a wireless charging station. ## **Final Verdict** One of the most impressive things about the 2018 Chevy Volt is that you aren’t permanently mated to an all-electric system. You can use a backup gasoline-powered system instead. That’s great because electric vehicles are still on the cutting edge and we need vehicles that exist in-between. For a compact hatchback, it is surprisingly comfortable on the interior but lacks any real stylistic distinctiveness of its own. The infotainment standard equipment is quite generous, considering that even some luxury brands aren’t offering an 8-inch touchscreen, Android Auto and Apple CarPlay on their base model vehicles. The Volt is sure to save you on fuel costs and tax rebates. Also, with a starting MSRP of $33,220, the 2018 Chevrolet Volt is hard to ignore. Do you own a 2018 Chevy Volt? How do you like it? What are your impressions? **Categories:** Field Notes, Reviews **Tags:** cars, Chevrolet, Chevy, Porsche --- ### [What’s New with the 2019 Honda Fit - Good Deal?](https://guycounseling.com/2019-honda-fit-review-863/) **Published:** August 6, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![2019 honda fit](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/honda-fit-2019.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Learn about the 2019 Honda Fit – Real Review The Honda Fit debuted on the U.S. market in 2007 and was well-received for being affordable and funky. It has fold-down seating for added cargo space and offers a choice between manual and automatic transmissions. Sales were initially robust, 2008 being the year with the highest totals. Unfortunately, the compact category has exploded since then; fast-forward to 2019, and the Honda Fit is just another face in the crowd. Don’t call it a comeback, though. The 2019 Honda Fit is still a contender for the compact crown. The all-new Fit has a more refined interior than its predecessors, and banks on its low sticker price as well as the storage flexibility provided by its folding seats. It’s available in four model trims: base level LX, Sport, EX and the premium EX-L. https://www.instagram.com/p/BmDTZ2hAkDV/?tagged=hondafit ## **Exterior Style** This car is not meant to *wow* you from the curb. It’s small but sits tall and looks more like a minivan than a hatchback. The front of the vehicle sweeps upward to cast an illusion of length, even though the entire car measures just 161.4 inches. Fog lights and a subtle grille are nice accents up front. However, the profile underwhelms with 15-inch wheels and a tame body line. **More:** [Chevy Volt worth the money?](https://guycounseling.com/2018-chevy-volt-review/) The Sport model manages to strike a stunning pose with all-black 16-inch alloy wheels and an all-around ground effects kit. In the rear of the vehicle, tail lights sweep up the sides and trunk of the Honda Fit while a single chrome accent piece underlines the rear window. If you ask the manufacturer, the rear spoiler is a must-see, but in actuality, it’s rather hard to see on such a diminutive body style. ## **Performance Capabilities** In the performance category, the 2019 Honda Fit will certainly please those with low expectations. It comes with just one engine options: a 1.5-liter inline 4 that produces 130 horsepower and 113 pound-feet of torque. In such a small car, that engine has quite a good bit of power. The base model comes with a six-speed manual transmission but a CVT automatic transmission is optional on all models. The best bet would be to stick with the manual because the CVT tends to lag when shifting, robbing the four-cylinder engine of responsiveness. The Sport and EX-L models can be equipped with paddle shifters on the steering assembly. The suspension minimizes bumps in the road and keeps the Fit glued to the road. So, the Honda Fit is a capable mover, but not ready to compete with the likes of a Mazda3 or MINI Cooper S in a speed race. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bfx3-ylBhsH/?hl=en&taken-by=honda.fit ## **Interior Amenities** Surprisingly, the Honda Fit is rather roomy for a compact. There are 93 cubic feet of passenger space and 52 cubic feet of cargo space. There’s even added storage space in the door sills, center console and a cargo net in the back. You can remove headrests and lay the front passenger seat down flat. The rear seats flip up and fold down for more storage options than you might find on other compact vehicles. Rear-seat occupants will feel well-supported with 37.5 inches of headroom and 39.3 inches of legroom. Front seats on the base model are lacking on padded material, so a long trip will feel even longer for the driver and front passenger. The EX-L model gets the best comfort amenities. It comes with a power moonroof, leather-wrapped steering wheel, shift knob and heated front seats. The EX-L model comes in at just over $20,000 so an upgrade doesn’t hurt the pocket all that much. ## **Infotainment** The layout and controls inside the 2019 Honda Fit feel ergonomic, minimalistic and easy to access. There are steering wheel controls for audio, cruise control and navigation if you have the EX-L model. The Honda Fit at least acknowledges that you live in the 21st century by including a USB port and 12-volt power outlets in the center console. The Tech Package of the Sport, EX and EX-L models bundle in Android Auto and Apple Car Play compatibility. A 5-inch touchscreen might seem small by today’s standards, especially for a rather complicated navigation interface on the EX-L. Luckily, you can use voice activation. Bluetooth is standard on all models, but most of the premium technology features are not available on the base model LX. ## **Safety Features** The base model of the Honda Fit comes with a rearview camera, child-proof rear doors, a full complement of airbags, and traction control. Advanced safety features are available on the LX model with automatic transmission and higher model trims. Those safety features come in a bundle called Honda Sensing. Those features include lane keeping assist, adaptive cruise control, road departure mitigation that utilizes a front-end camera and automatic emergency braking. The emergency braking feature was given a “Superior” rating from the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS). The Honda Sensing package come standard on the EX and EX-L. ## **Final Analysis** This is the third generation Honda Fit and it hasn’t strayed far from its initial niche, which is great. The 2019 Honda Fit might not excite the senses, but it gets the job done. It has transmission options for manual or automatic and a Sport trim that provides some stylistic upgrades to the otherwise bland body style. The interior is a winner with its versatile seats and high roof. The tech interface is also adequate. The Honda Fit doesn’t provide much on the base model, but the EX and EX-L are both well-equipped with creature comforts and an advanced suite of safety features. The Honda Fit might not ever reach the sales that it once had in 2008, but with a firmly carved-out niche within the compact category, it promises to stick around for years to come. **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** Automotive, cars, Honda --- ### [Real Review of the 2019 Toyota C-HR](https://guycounseling.com/review-toyota-c-hr/) **Published:** August 7, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![toyota hd](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/toyota-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What’s new with the 2019 Toyota C-HR? Subcompact crossovers are one of the fastest-growing vehicle categories on the market. All the automakers are pushing out new vehicles with over-the-top style elements to grab your attention. The 2019 Toyota C-HR is a perfect 10 in looks but might lack the substance to keep you interested over time. The C-HR comes in three different model trims: LE, XLE, and Limited. Last year’s vehicle only had two. MSRP starts at $20,945 and ranges upward to $26,000. The Toyota C-HR has a wealth of standard tech and safety equipment, so there’s plenty of overall value in every vehicle that leaves the lot. ## **Exterior Style** The lead punch of the C-HR is an expressive body design. It mimics a Mercedes-Benz GLC coupe, but with half the price tag. The 2019 C-HR has an endless array of curves, swoops, and cuts along the frame. Either you’ll love it or you’ll hate it. Up front, the C-HR has a jutting lower lip, a unique cluster of daytime running lights, and fog lights for the Limited model. **Related:** [What’s new with the 2019 Chevy Blazer?](https://guycounseling.com/2019-chevy-blazer/) The profile captivates with the available vortex pattern 18-inch wheels and rear door handles found high in the C-pillar. The side mirrors fold automatically with a touch of a button. The rear of the C-HR is its most attractive side with a rear spoiler, bracket-like clusters of taillights that jut out from the sides, and a high-backed rear hatch.  There are essentially seven body colors available, five of which can be paired with a second roof color to create a two-toned look. ## **Performance and Capabilities** If the exterior style is the C-HR’s lead punch, then performance is its glass chin. There is a 2.0-liter, four-cylinder engine under the hood that underwhelms with just 144 horsepower and 139 pound-feet of torque. It’s mated to a continuously variable transmission (CVT) and only comes with front-wheel drive. New car buyers might still be swayed by 28 combined mpg, but that’s if they don’t venture onto the Mazda lot for a closer look at the 2019 Mazda CX-3. Unfortunately, it trumps the Toyota C-HR with a lower starting cost, 34 highway mpg, more horsepower, and available all-wheel drive. The 2019 Toyota C-HR does have a drive-select feature with settings for sport, normal, and econ. There’s also a simulated manual shifting feature that lets you play around with seven different virtual gear settings. However, nothing will make this little jet go faster. ## **Interior Amenities** Thanks to the high-riding stance of the 2019 Toyota C-HR, occupants on both rows will have plenty of headroom. Four will sit more comfortably than five, but the C-HR has 83.8 cubic feet of interior passenger volume. Although the rear seats fold down for added cargo space, don’t expect to pull a mountain bike inside this thing. The electric e-brake switch in the center console also saves valuable inside space. The XLE model has an attractive interior that matches the eye-popping exterior. Light-grey fabric and blue accents along the dashboard and door panels are rather impressive for the mid-level trim. The Limited C-HR doesn’t disappoint with near-luxury amenities that fit with the MSRP. It comes with leather-trimmed seats, leather steering wheel and satin-plated shift knob, and heated front row seats. ## **User Interface** The base model LE comes reasonably equipped with an 8-inch touchscreen, a six-speaker audio system, Apple Car Play compatibility, a USB port, some limited voice recognition, and Bluetooth capabilities. The 4.2-inch monitor in the gauge cluster is neat and gives you useful information like average miles per gallon and the outside temperature. You would expect the Limited model to have the best tech amenities on display, but that’s not necessarily the case. You don’t get a bigger touchscreen or even an improved sound system. The Limited gets Sirius XM satellite radio and a WiFi hotspot with options for navigation.  Some impressive style elements for the XLE and Limited are the keyless entry, push-button start, and puddle light projectors on the side mirrors which cast a “Toyota C-HR” logo onto the ground — to help you see at night, of course. ## **Safety Features** Toyota puts a check in the win column when it comes to onboard safety features. Ten airbags and a rearview camera come as standard equipment. Every 2019 Toyota C-HR comes with the Toyota Star Safety System which includes enhanced braking and electronic traction control functions. The Toyota Safety Sense suite also comes standard on all models. This includes pedestrian detection, lane departure alerts, steering assist, dynamic cruise control, and automatic high beams. Blindspot monitoring and rear cross-traffic alerts are reserved for the XLE and Limited models. ## **Final Analysis** The 2019 Toyota C-HR has an inspired, bold design that helps it stand out in a crowded subcompact crossover category. Even the Toyota lineup of subcompacts is chocked full of winners like the Highlander, RAV4, and Prius c. Perhaps the C-HR should have been labeled a hatchback. By under-promising and over-performing in that category, the 2019 Toyota C-HR might have made a more favorable impression on driving enthusiasts who expect more utility from a crossover vehicle. When it comes to the amenities, the LE base model doesn’t have much going for it, but the mid-level XLE has found a comfortable groove. It has a stylish interior, 18-inch vortex wheels, and a leather-trimmed steering wheel. The Limited is only good for leather-trimmed, heated front seats. You can get most of the tech features on the mid-level model for less money. Safety features abound with the C-HR, and most of them come standard on all models. So, keep a tight grip on your wallet if you can do without the leather. The most glaring failure for the C-HR comes from its lackluster performance. It’s not fast and doesn’t have great fuel economy for a vehicle its size. However, if you can just focus on the sexy body, then this subcompact crossover will certainly put a smile on your face. Do you own a Toyota C-HR? What are your impressions? **Categories:** News, Reviews **Tags:** automobiles, cars, Toyota --- ### [Car Match-Up: 2019 Subaru Outback vs. 2019 Toyota RAV4](https://guycounseling.com/2019-toyata-rav4-subaru-outback/) **Published:** August 8, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![subaru vs outback](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/subaru-vs-outback.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Which auto wins out? We review and compare Crossovers and SUVs aren’t expected to have much off-road prowess these days, but that’s not the case with the 2019 Subaru Outback and the Toyota RAV4. These are highly capable vehicles that opted out of the trendy gimmicks of wide front fascias and oddly futuristic body styles. Instead, Subaru and Toyota have doubled down on long-lasting value and the promise of adventure. The Subaru Outback has an impressive interior with lots of cargo space, standard all-wheel drive and a ton of safety equipment. The four-cylinder Boxer engine under the hood of the Outback achieves 28 combined miles per gallon and is mated to one of the best CVT automatic transmissions on the market today. The RAV4 is Toyota’s highest-selling vehicle and comes into 2019 with both barrels blazing.  The 2019 Toyota RAV4 dazzles with the new XSE HV model trim. The XSE HV has the aggressive body kit of a sporty crossover and the fuel economy of a hybrid car all wrapped into one vehicle. Also, for the first time, the RAV4 is available with multi-terrain select and all-wheel drive torque vectoring. So, it can truly compete with off-road capable crossovers from Jeep and Land Cruiser, not just Subaru’s Outback. https://www.instagram.com/p/BlmCS5YHYzg/?hl=en&tagged=2019subaruoutback ## Exterior Style When it comes to the vehicle’s exterior, the Subaru Outback leans more on function than form. It looks more like a wagon than a crossover, with a long 189.9 inches body and roof rails that raise the height to 66.1 inches. The Outback is well-suited for off-road adventures with a ground clearance of 8.7 inches. The front end is rather muted with a small front grille, but the fog lights and LED headlights that track in the direction you’re driving are a nice touch. The profile and rear of the vehicle are bland in every model trim level, but the adjustable power rear hatch makes hauling items a breeze. Related: [Review of Toyota’s C-HR (2019)](https://guycounseling.com/review-toyota-c-hr/) The Touring model hopes to attain true luxury status with chrome accents, 18-inch wheels, and low-profile roof rails. The exterior of the 2019 Toyota RAV4 is more stimulating. At first glance, it bears a striking resemblance to the Toyota Tacoma. The front fascia is somewhat busy with chiseled, segmented panels that jut out in sharp angles. All three models have signature styles of their own. This RAV4 sits high with available roof rails; at 66.9 inches from the ground, it’s lower than previous models. It’s also wider at the wheels. The Limited Edition towers over the road with 19-inch wheels, and the XSE HV model looks positively mean. https://www.instagram.com/p/BlNseXYnglf/?hl=en&tagged=2019toyotarav4 ## Performance Capabilities The 2019 Subaru Outback has two powertrain options. There’s a 2.5-liter flat four-cylinder engine that produces 175 horsepower and 174 pound-feet of torque. Anyone intending to do some serious hauling or off-roading will be better served by the 3.6-liter flat-6 that puts out 256 hp and 247 lb. ft. of torque. Both powertrains are expertly managed by the continuously variable transmission (CVT). The Outback has best in class fuel economy with 32 mpg on the highway and a combined rating of 28 mpg. All-wheel drive is standard on all models and it’s symmetrical, meaning that it’s lined up down the center line of the vehicle for optimal performance in adverse conditions. The 2019 Toyota RAV4 has two powertrain options, as well. Most models will come with a 2.5-liter inline four and an eight-speed automatic transmission. Toyota has been tight-lipped about the horsepower and torque specs but promises at least 15 percent more power over the previous RAV4. Most impressively, the RAV4 has a hybrid model  — the XSE HV. It has sport-tuned suspension, CVT transmission and of course, a battery pack. For off-road performance, the 2019 Toyota RAV4 has shaved the front and rear overhangs. It’s also raised the vehicle by a little over half an inch. The chassis is 57 percent more rigid and the Adventure model has an all-wheel-drive system that has rear driveline disconnect. The interior has a control knob that can toggle between terrain settings for the optimal traction control. ## Interior Amenities The 2019 Subaru Outback starts the discussion with a flexible interior space and 60/40 split-folding seats. The Outback boasts a total passenger volume of 108.1 cubic feet and a maximum cargo volume of 73.3 cubic feet. Base models can feel a bit bare bones, but the Touring models get java brown leather, a power moonroof, a heated steering wheel, heated front and rear seats, and signature wood trim. For infotainment, the Outback comes with front and rear USB ports and 4G LTE Wi-Fi. For the best equipment, the Limited model comes with a 12-speaker audio system, 8-inch touchscreen with navigation, and an electro-luminescent instrument cluster. Now, the 2019 Toyota RAV4 doesn’t scrimp on the amenities either. It has 60/40 split folding seats and rear seat passenger space that is on par with the rest of the class. Each model trim has some signature accents that are sure to excite the senses. The Limited has a 7-inch multi-information display screen, digital rearview, and a panoramic moonroof. WiFi is standard as well as Apple Car Play and Android Auto compatibility. Up to five USB ports and a wireless charging station are optional add-ons. ## Safety Features The 2019 Subaru Outback has benefited from some new updates to its safety systems. Active lane control, adaptive cruise control, and automatic emergency braking were offered only on mid-level and higher models last year, but now they are standard on all Outback models for 2019. The package is sweetened for the Premium, Limited, and Touring models by including blind spot monitoring. A rearview camera is standard on all models. Toyota counters by offering the same standard features in the Toyota Safety Sense suite and adding automatic high-beam headlights and pedestrian detection to its automatic braking system. The optional safety features are also similar, but the 2019 Toyota RAV4 has an optional surround-view camera and rear cross-traffic braking. When it comes to safety-first design, the Subaru Outback edges ahead. The frame of the 2019 Subaru Outback has slender roof pillars and a low beltline that provides some of the best outward visibility in the segment. The RAV4 has added a rearview mirror for 2019 that utilizes a camera system so that those chunky roof pillars impede your visibility less. Side mirrors have also been placed lower, the beltline dropped, and the rear quarter glass enlarged. That’s not enough to beat the 2019 Subaru Outback’s safety choices from the frame up. ## At the Finish Line The Outback has a niche market: people who want a capable SUV that somehow also manages to fit into the crossover realm. The Toyota RAV4 has already proven itself in the crossover domain and is now stepping on the Outback’s toes, so to speak. The 2019 Subaru Outback banks on safety features and interior space, but that’s not going to win the overall contest. This matchup comes down to a love of all things new.  Car buyers and automotive enthusiasts are attracted to excitement and novelty. Both the Subaru Outback and the Toyota RAV4 have made some upgrades this year, but Toyota has taken a more aggressive approach to the RAV4’s improvements. Subaru has always been a conservative automaker and in the case of the new Outback, their decision to leave it virtually untouched from previous designs has probably failed them. The 2019 Toyota RAV4, with a new model trim and updated body style and chassis, has thrown its hat into the off-road ring with torque vectoring all-wheel drive and multi-terrain select features. However, the RAV4’s off-road capabilities are unproven. It’s a new platform, but the Subaru Outback has been up and down those trails already. If this were a marathon, then the 2019 Subaru Outback would be a sure winner. However, in this comparison, the 2019 Toyota RAV4 wins the dealership sprint by offering something new on an already popular vehicle. In the end, it’s the 2019 Toyota RAV4 for the win. Do you agree? **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** automobiles, cars, Subaru, Toyota --- ### [Is the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/rocketbook-wave-review-812/) **Published:** August 12, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![rocketbook wave](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/wave.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook This notebook from Rocketbook doesn’t look much like a tech. gadget. It could easily be mistaken for a regular spiralbound notebook that you can get at any stationary store – except that it’s not. Instead, the Rocketbook Wave is actually a remarkable device that allows you to scribble, write and draw anything you like. Then, you can scan the pages with your smart phone or internet-enabled device to upload those pages to the web in seconds. Then, you can pop the entire notebook in your microwave (if you can believe it) and wipe all the pages clean to be reused up to five times. ## Backstory I got a parking ticket a few months back as I ran inside a convenience store to get some milk. When I got back outside, there was a parking attendant there (who magically appeared) and he was handwriting me a ticket. I noticed that he was using an actual notebook and ink pen. Instead of freaking out about the costly ticket, I was transfixed by seeing someone handwriting a document these days. I couldn’t remember the last time I put pen to paper. In this tablet and smart phone age, it’s quite a rarity. Then, I thought back to all the journaling I did in college and how it helped me to coalesce my creative ideas, deal with past breakups and keep track of minor tasks like remembering to buy milk. That’s when I ran across the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook. I found it online from the manufacturer and after watching a quick demo, I was keenly interested in picking up one of these devices. ## The Specs The Rocketbook Wave comes in two sizes – standard (24.6 cm x 24.1 cm) and executive (15.2 cm x 22.6 cm). Both sizes have an attractive blue hard cover with a circular design on the front and back. There are 80 acid-free pages in the notebook with grid-lines on the paper. The paper itself can be written on with regular pens and pencils but only the FriXion pen is erasable with a quick blast in the microwave. One Pilot FriXion pen is included in the package. The notebook is bound with polypropylene which makes it durable and easy to flip through. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Blydb4MDjTf/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## How Does it Work? Now, you can find the Rocketbook app in the Google Play Store or the Apple Store for iOS devices. There’s no cost to download the app and it weighs in at just 48.75 MB. When you log in for the first time you’ll be prompted to create a profile and then you can start using the Rocketbook functions. There are seven symbols on the bottom of each page inside the Wave notebook such as a diamond or a star. This is part of the Rocketbook Seven Symbol System. Using the app and this system, you can tell Rocketbook where to send your pages after they are digitized. Tap “Destinations” followed by any symbol and you’ll be directed to the “Change Destinations” menu. For example, you can configure the app to send all diamond-marked pages directly to your email or upload all square-marked pages to Google Drive. The Rocketbook Wave works with Evernote, Slack, Google Drive, iCloud, Dropbox, Box, OneNote, or e-mail. You might find yourself spending the better part of an hour just trying to decide which symbol is right for each Cloud destination. It can be a bit distracting at first, especially if you just want to start writing. Luckily, the files you create won’t get lost easily because you can get rather specific as to which folders and sub-destinations you want to have access to your Rocketbook pages. You can choose between sending files in a bundle, sending them as PDF, or auto-sending without any further confirmation. So, now that you’ve set up your Rocketbook app and you’ve written your daily to-do list on a Rocketbook Wave page. Just point your camera at the page in a well-lit environment and it will automatically get picked up. You don’t even have to press the shutter button as if you were taking a photo. Four little guide dots on the corners of the page will help you align the image and the entire screen will flash green when you’ve got it right. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BlqbekbgCR2/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## The Benefits of Journaling Presidents, famous inventors and businessmen have kept journals. In fact, journaling goes way back to at least the 10th century in Japan. It’s a way of having an informal conversation with yourself. It’s also good for your mental, emotional and physical well-being. A [study](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/writing-can-help-injuries-heal-faster/) conducted in 2013 found that 76% of adults who spent at least 20 minutes a day journaling for three days in a row before a scheduled medical biopsy were fully healed 11 days later. “We think writing about distressing events helped participants make sense of the events and reduce distress,” says Elizabeth Broadbent, professor of medicine at the University of Auckland in New Zealand and co-author of the study, published in *Psychosomatic Medicine*. Some people even keep dream journals to better understand what may be going on subconsciously. For example, jotting down thoughts [after dreaming about rats](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/). Dr James Pennebaker, author of *Opening Up by Writing I*t Down, found that journaling lowers depression, anxiety, and strengthens immune cells called T-lymphocytes. ## The Takeaway The Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook comes in two different sizes and looks just like a regular paper notebook. The technology that enables you to upload your pages is easy to access by downloading the Rocketbook app and it can even clean up some of your images through the app’s own editor. Using it can help you reduce stress and stay organized. The Wave is also a benefit to the environment because you’re not using the paper and discarding it after a single use. Unfortunately, it can only be safely erased and reused five times. That means you should fill up the 80 pages completely before attempting to erase the Rocketbook Wave in your microwave oven. Also, it’s only compatible with the FriXion pen that it comes with, so you better not lose that pen. This device in its standard size sells for around $38 USD.  Sure, picking up a pen and pad from the stationary store is less expensive, but when you factor in the fact that you can upload and save everything you write so easily, this device may be well worth the cost. All I can tell you is that I’ve been happy with this product. Do you own a Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook? If so, what’s been your experience? Share your comments below. **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** Gadgets, Review, Rocketbook, Tech --- ### [Moodo Smart Fragrance Box – Rip Off or Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/moodo-fragrance-box-813/) **Published:** August 13, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![moodo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/modo.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Moodo Smart Fragrance Box Review plus how to get it to work Thinking of buying the Moodo Smart Fragrance box for your home? Wondering if the device really works? Is this product worth the money? I’d like to fill you in on my experience. Now this is a long post with key some background information so bear with me. Essentially, the “Moodo” (that’s what I call it for short) allows you to become a scent DJ. You load in four scent pods, connect the device to your smart phone, smart home or WiFi enabled device, and mix and match the fragrances until you’re in aroma heaven. The concept is kind of cool, don’t you think? ## Backstory I’m not a neat freak and I don’t have much of a nose for fragrance. A week could go by without me picking up my laundry or vacuuming the pet hairs off the rug. One night, I got an unexpected call from a lady friend who wanted to stop by for the proverbial Netflix-and-Chill. I rushed around the house to give it a spot clean but when my girl arrived she kept wrinkling up her nose. Apparently, I hadn’t taken the time to set the right aroma mood. Needless to say, the night never got intimate and we just had a quick cup of coffee and that’s it. **More:** [Is the Rocketbook Wave Smartbook with the money?](https://guycounseling.com/rocketbook-wave-review-812/) After that, I scoured the internet for some help and ran into the Moodo Smart Fragrance Box. The next time I got that special call it only took a few seconds to choose a preset Moodo fragrance blend that had my girl cozying up for the long haul. ## The Specs The Moodo device is small but has a surprisingly large fragrance output that can easily cover an entire bedroom or living room. The device itself is just a lightweight square box that sits at 4 inches x 4.8 inches. It comes with a 90-230 V electrical power cord and you can choose whether you want to include a battery pack with the device to make it more portable. The starter pack comes with 4 fragrance pods that are bundled into a “fragrance family”. They’re already grouped to make it a bit easier for you to create a harmonious mood. For example: Beach Party comes with fragrance capsules such as Sweet Sand and Amber Marine. You can purchase scent families or individual scent pods to mix and match your own fragrance families. https://twitter.com/Stylus\_LIVE/status/832228115237761025 ## How Does it Work? The Moodo Smart Fragrance Box just needs to be placed in a central location and loaded with your choice of individual fragrance pods. You can turn the device on/off by using controls on the device itself. You can also increase/decrease the intensity of the scents using the controls, but that’s not what makes this product exceptional. You’re going to want to download the Moodo app from the Apple Store or Play Store for Android devices. The app is not that great, in fact it has loads of glitches and connectivity problems. If you can get it to connect to your device, then congratulations – you’ve gotten farther than most users. It needs some work, but the app interface is fantastic. It recognizes which scent pods you’ve loaded into the device. Just like a DJ uses sliders to bring in the beat, you can use touch-sensitive sliders to increase or decrease an individual fragrance on the fly. When you’re on your way home, you can even schedule the device to turn on and off remotely. You can also make your own presets. I have presets for things like “party starter” and “Jennifer’s favorites”. Another way to connect with the Moodo fragrance box is by using Amazon Alexa. You just add a skill to Amazon Alexa and download the “Moodo Alexa Skill”. Google’s Virtual Assistant also connects to the Moodo box and its as simple as saying “Talk to Smart Moodo”. This device works the best with a smart home service and a WiFi connectivity that is 2.4Ghz or higher. The device itself comes with a fragrance family and costs just under $200 USD. Each four pack of scents lasts for about 60 hours and comes at a cost of about $40 USD. You can’t mix four different scents if you buy them individually. They will come in a pack of four regardless. The Moodo Smart Fragrance Box also does not come with a warranty but if you’re looking to shave off about ten dollars you can opt out of the battery pack. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/JaS7ZfYp1CCli/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## The Benefits of Having a Scent Diffuser Our sense of smell has a powerful effect on our mind and body. Fragrances are made up of thousands of chemicals that our bodies sense through the olfactory system and certain fragrances have specific physiological effects. For example, lavender is known to promote relaxation while rosemary has been documented to exhibit the opposite effect. A [recent study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5198031/#B74-scipharm-84-00724) on scent therapy found that the smell of oranges reduced anxiety and promoted a sense of calmness in female participants. ## Rip Off or Worth the Money? As mentioned earlier, this product isn’t cheap. My device is connected to my phone with the mobile app and I enjoy mixing the fragrances on my way home. I’m one of the lucky ones though. Amazon is littered with bad reviews for the user interface and connectivity problems. If you’re into smart home services such as Amazon Alexa and Google Assistant, then you’ll get more out of this gadget than others who just use it with their smart phone or have to use the controls on the device itself. Setting the right mood goes beyond just smelling good, but it’s a nice touch and you won’t have to feel guilty browsing the scented candle aisle at your local grocery store. So, is the Moodo Smart Fragrance Box a rip off or is it worth the money? All I can tell you is that once I figured out how to properly use it, I was very satisfied with the results. **Do you own this product? If so, how do you like it? What’s been your experience?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News, Reviews **Tags:** Guy Tech, Moodo, Review --- ### [Bulova Stainless Steel Men’s Gold Watch: Rip-Off or Worth It?](https://guycounseling.com/bulova-gold-watch-review-817/) **Published:** August 17, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bulova godl watch](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/bulova-12.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)My Bulova Classic Gold Tone Watch ## Is the Bulova men’s gold tone watch a good deal? Are you thinking of buying a stainless steel, gold-colored men’s watch from Bulova? Wondering if this timepiece looks good on your wrist? Curious if the price tag is worth the money? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Approximately one year ago, I purchased this watch brand new from a popular online retailer. At the time of purchase, I paid $172.00 USD. After having worn this timepiece every day for nearly a year, I feel very comfortable sharing my review with you. If you’ve followed this blog for any amount of time, you probably already know that I’m fond of [gold watches](https://guycounseling.com/gold-watch-man/). Slap me silly and called stupid but I guess I’m just old school. There’s just something nice about a classic gold watch that doesn’t come off as bling, you know? At any rate, I wear my Bulova pretty much everywhere. Be it going to the office, hanging out with friends or hitting the  gym, the watch is on me. The only time I’m not wearing it is when I’m sleeping or in the shower. Yep, that’s right – this particular timepiece isn’t waterproof or water resistant. Well, it’s not marketed that way. Ok, you are probably wondering what are my impressions? I’ll be straight up with you. So far, I’ve been very pleased with this product. ![bulova gold wrist watch](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/bulova-125.jpg?resize=401%2C534&ssl=1)My Bulova gold wrist watch on my wrist ## Here’s what I like: - Looks great on my wrist without looking gaudy. - The battery has not needed changing. - Even though I’ve banged it up plenty, the scratches are easy to wipe off with a soft buffing pad and stainless-steel cleaner. - Keeps accurate time right down to the second. - Date and day of week display are always accurate. ## Here’s what I don’t like: -  It’s not water resistant or waterproof - The wristband was a little big on me and I had to have some links removed. - The crown sometimes pops out and needs to be screwed back in. So, is the Bulova stainless steel gold watch for men a rip-off or worth the money? With a retail price of approximately $172.00, I am the first to admit it’s not an inexpensive timepiece. That said, it’s also not ridiculously overpriced like some watches tend to be (see this post on a [$3 million dollar Rolex](https://guycounseling.com/3-million-rolex-315/)). Personally speaking, I would say my Bulova was well worth the money. And yep, I recognize there are other reviews on the web that suggest this watch isn’t worth the dough. Again, speaking only for myself, I’ve had a very positive experience. If I had to buy another gold-tone watch, I would very likely pick this brand. But to be completely real about it, I might consider a similar brand, such as something from Invicta. Now, I’m going to turn the mic over to you. Do you own a Bulova gold tone watch for men? If so, what has been your experience? Do you think it is a quality timepiece? Share your thoughts below in the comments section. **Categories:** Men's Style, News, Reviews **Tags:** Bulova, Gold. Watch, Review, Watches --- ### [Should I Buy the Apple Magic Mouse 2? (Review)](https://guycounseling.com/apple-mouse-2-review/) **Published:** August 18, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![apple mouse 2 review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/apple-mouse-2.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of the Apple Magic Mouse 2 The Apple Magic Mouse 2 is lightweight and slides across a desktop with very little friction, making it quick and responsive to use. Unboxing a Magic Mouse 2 from Apple might actually require cyberpunk theme music because its design is minimalistic and doesn’t convey any implications about its true capabilities. It’s glossy surface and future tech aesthetic might conjure visions of science fiction movies, but the underlying device is almost identical to the previous generation Magic Mouse. ## Backstory My office is littered with the corpses of mice, computer mice that is. Some are missing their tops. Some are missing their inner components. Some are unrecognizable bits of wires and cheap plastic. So, when my wife suggested that I try the Magic Mouse 2 from Apple, I naturally scoffed at the idea. It’s too nice for me, but I decided to make the switch from PC to a Macbook Pro in my home office a few months ago. I was already a bit nervous about switching operating systems. Switching my mouse was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The Magic Mouse 2 is not cheap, and I thought that meant that I would break it quickly and feel guilty about it for the rest of my life, but the exact opposite happened. **More:** [Mood Smart Fragrance Box Review](https://guycounseling.com/moodo-fragrance-box-813/) I was more careful with my tech after I bought it. I decided to keep it clean and give it a place of respect on my office desktop and now it has become almost indispensable to my workflow. ## The Specs The Apple Magic Mouse 2 is so light weight it might just fly across the desktop if you’re not careful. At just 0.099 kg you’ll never forget that this thing doesn’t have any batteries and very few moving parts. The Magic Mouse 2 is reminiscent of a smart phone device with dimensions of 5.71 cm x 11.35 cm but the slightly-curved top of the device separates it from your mobile phone’s aesthetic. It’s available in silver finish or space grey. The device comes with just a USB cable for charging and a single pullout page for instructions. It couldn’t be simpler to install for out of the box use. The Magic Mouse 2 is almost identical to the previous version, but if you flip it over you’ll notice that there is no back cover, only a Lightning port for the charging cable. Unfortunately, you can’t use the Magic Mouse 2 while it’s charging because of the charging port’s location on the device. ## How Does it Work? The Magic Mouse 2 works a bit differently than a wired or laser-guided computer mouse. There aren’t any buttons or scroll wheels. It uses multi-touch technology to enhance your digital interface. It allows you to go further than just point and click. For starters, there’s no separation between left and right click zones. The Magic Mouse 2 is rather intuitive and recognizes your clicking intentions almost without fail. Yet, the fact that the entire surface of the mouse presses down when you click either zone might make some users unsure of their own actions. There is a bit of a learning curve involved with the multi-touch interface. You can pinch and expand your fingers across the surface for zooming. The more you use this function the better you will get at it. Although the apple symbol is clearly on the cover of the mouse, you can also save yourself some trouble by placing a sticker or dot on the surface of the Magic Mouse 2 to indicate top or bottom. I had several frustrating moments when the optic sensor of the device was actually upside down. That’s because the dimensions and design of the Magic Mouse 2 make it difficult to tell which side is up and which side is down. You don’t have that bump over the palm like you do with traditional computer mice. The Magic Mouse 2 is enabled for Bluetooth pairing and all you have to do is flip it over and switch it on. Then, go to your Bluetooth settings on your Mac and you will see the device on the menu. It will say “Connected” if all goes well. You can also connect the Lightning cable to your Mac and that will perform the same function manually. ## The Benefits of Having a Magic Mouse 2 We spend so much time on our computers and it can take a toll on our bodies. A [research study](http://www.digitalcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2017-Digital-Future-Report.pdf) conducted by USC Annenburg in 2017 found that Americans spend an average of 24 hours a week online. [Microsoft](https://www.onmsft.com/news/microsoft-us-workers-spend-7-hours-computer-day-average) conducted their own survey in 2013 and concluded that Americans spend an average of six hours a day on computers and 85 percent of workers in the study expressed discomfort due to their working conditions. Your input device is important, but we often take it for granted. That’s one of the reasons why the Magic Mouse 2 is designed to minimize the amount of arch in your wrist. The Magic Mouse 2’s ergonomic design makes long hours on the computer less aggravating. Your grandfather might struggle to use it, but the Magic Mouse 2 can improve your digital life. ## The Takeaway Admittedly, it’s hard to get past the price tag of the Magic Mouse 2. It costs around $100 USD and a cheap wireless mouse will only run you about $25 bucks these days. Yet, if you can bite the price bullet you’ll be rewarded by an aesthetically-pleasing bit of hardware that makes navigating through windows and scrolling through social media posts easy as pie. There’s no need for replacement batteries and it works universally with all Macs that have an OS X v10.11 or higher. Charging for a full day’s use only takes about three minutes and you’ll never have to worry about losing the back cover or even one of the top buttons. There are no buttons or superfluous components. The Magic Mouse 2 has been streamlined to perfection. It’s not a necessity to have a Magic Mouse 2, but you’ll thank yourself every time your hand touches that sleek, low-profile curve. In the final analysis, I’m feeling pleased with the product. Do you own the Apple Mouse 2? If so, what’s been your experience? Was it worth the money? **Categories:** Field Notes, Reviews **Tags:** Apple, Computers, Mouse, Smart Phone, Technology --- ### [Getting More Sleep May Help Reduce Your Loneliness](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-loneliness-817/) **Published:** August 17, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![man sleeping bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-sleeping-next-to-clock-after-to-do-list.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Not getting enough sleep may make less likable  ## SHORT STORY A new study suggests sleep-deprived people experience greater loneliness and more social isolation. ## LONG STORY Do you struggle with loneliness? Have there been times where you could almost swear people are avoiding you? As a result, do you sometimes question your attractiveness? If the answer is yes, it might be a good idea to assess how much sleep you are getting. Yes, you read that right – sleep. According to a new study in the journal *[Nature Communication](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-018-05377-0)*, people who don’t get enough Z’s experience greater loneliness and less desire to spend time with others. Moreover, well-rested individuals who come across sleep deprived folks can pick up on this loneliness, which in turn makes them feel down. The end result? Well-rested people avoid the sleep-deprived like the plague. Over time, this can cause deeper feelings of loneliness for the individual not getting enough Z’s. To conduct the study, investigators at the University of California, Berkley recruited 1000 people and asked them to watch a video of people discussing workplace issues. Some of the people in the video were sleep-deprived. Others were well rested. But here is the thing – the participants weren’t told this information. Instead, they were simply asked to gauge how much they wanted to interact with the persons, based on observation. Time and again, the sleep-deprived people who seen as lonelier and less desirable to hang with. On top of that, the participants who scored the sleep-deprived as less socially desirable also indicated they felt an uptick in their own feelings of personal loneliness. In other words, sleep-deprived people can trigger feelings of sadness in otherwise healthy people. The investigators aren’t sure why this happened but theorize that because humans are social creates, it may be part of our wiring. The University of California study comes at a time when other lines of research show that not getting enough sleep may cause feelings of [anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-study-depression-anxiety-1518/). How much sleep are you supposed to get? It depends on your age and other life factors. Generally speaking, most healthy persons need 7-9 hours of rest per night, according to the [National Sleep Foundation](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/sleep-needs-get-the-sleep-you-need.htm). Are you getting enough Z’s at night? If not, has it taken a toll on your ability to socialize with others? How about your general mood? **Categories:** News **Tags:** Anxiety, Mood, sleep --- ### [Get Your Rugged on with a Classic White T-Shirt and Jeans](https://guycounseling.com/t-shirt-jeans-men/) **Published:** August 16, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/charlie-h.jpg?resize=625%2C474&ssl=1) ## You can look rugged without spending big bucks Are you a man trying to [look more attractive](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/)? Trying to channel a manly vibe that doesn’t break the bank? Hoping to up your rugged without going overboard? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The truth is most guys want to appear attractive but feel they have limited options because of finances. What many don’t know is this – you don’t have to have to blow a wad of cash to look awesome. In fact, you can put together a basic outfit for less coin than you think. Moreover, [channeling rugged](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) doesn’t mean you have to spend big bucks on designer clothes or brand name labels. What’s unfortunate is that many of us have been sucked into believing that high-priced clothing equals style. ![Chris Hemsworth jeans tshirt](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/chris-hemworth-tshirt.jpg?resize=391%2C574&ssl=1)Chris Hemsworth has jeans, a white T and boots on Well, I’m here to tell you that is a bunch of bull. The reality is you can cause heads to turn by reaching for the basics. Specifically, I’m talking about good old fashioned blue jeans, a classic white t-shirt and boots. Hey, I’m not making this up. A quick check of the Internet reveals a lot of people dig this look. Over at [Maxim](https://www.maxim.com/maxim-man/reddit-sexiest-clothes-2017-11), readers shared they thought this look was sexy. Guy Counseling spoke to [fashion consultant](https://www.instagram.com/makeupmorgiee/) Morgan Polzin who shared the following. “When a man wears a pair of nice fitting jeans that is complemented by a well-fitted t-shirt, he sends the message that he’s comfortable with himself and his clothing choices. That’s just incredibly sexy,” says Polzin. “Obviously, the shoes matter too but if he’s doing the denim and t-shirt thing, there are lots of choices. A [pair of Pumas](https://guycounseling.com/mens-puma-carson-2-review/) works but so do construction boots. It just depends on the guy,” she adds. <br /> ## Jeans With a minimal amount of effort and money, you can obtain this look super-fast. For example, consider picking up a pair of Levi’s Original Fit Dark Stonewashed Jeans ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2KYxXwn)).  Make sure you choose a pair that gives you the room you need in all of the places that are important. <br /> ## T-Shirt There are lots of different t-shirt brands on the market but if are looking for something high-quality and not expensive, you can’t go wrong with guy favorite and all around classic brand, Hanes ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Mjrjq4)). If you buy cotton, consider choosing a size larger than your frame. Remember, t-shirts often shrink after washing. <br /> ## Boots When you put on a pair of construction boots, your vibing out manly. Moreover, boots look amazing with that t-shirt and denim you are wearing. The folks over at KingsHow make a water- resistant boot that compliments what you are trying to achieve. [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/2vPoCCu). ## And what about a beard? If your goal is to get all rugged and draw people to you like a magnet, you might want to cap off everything with facial hair. You don’t have to [get all Thor about it either](https://guycounseling.com/chris-hemsworth-thor-hair-beard/). Instead, just let your whiskers grow for a couple of days and do some shaping. But yes, if you are trying to get your manly on, it helps to have some fuzz going. So, there you have it folks – jeans, a white t-shirt and some boots. You’ll look awesome and your bank account will still be in the black. — Main photo credit: Men’s Health – actor Charlie Hunnam **Categories:** Men's Style **Tags:** Beard, Facial hair, Jeans, Manly, Rugged, T-Shirt --- ### [What Does It Mean to Synthesize for Writing Assignments?](https://guycounseling.com/synthesis-writing/) **Published:** August 15, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![synthesis writing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/synthesize.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Synthesis Writing – What It Means and How to Do it! Have you been asked to synthesize material for a writing assignment? Are you taking a college course where your instructor doesn’t want you to use quotes but instead, write in your own words? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. This post is all about that word “synthesize” with a specific focus on essay based writing for college students. **On this page, you will learn:** - The definition of synthesis - What synthesis means in the context of writing assignments. - How synthesizing looks in essays. - How to synthesize the material you are reading and apply to your paper. - See an example college essay written entirely through synthesis. - Additional writing tips to help you earn the highest possible score on college papers. You may be wondering what qualifies me to author this piece? It’s simple – I’m a college professor who has been teaching business and psychology courses at for almost twenty years. In my work, I evaluate writing submitted by students and assignment a grade. So the bottom line is this: I know *exactly* what your professor is looking for when ask you to synthesize.  I require the same approach to writing for my learners. OK – now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s jump right in. ## What does synthesis or synthesize mean? Synthesis is a ten-dollar word to describe the **combination of two or more ideas or concepts** into your writing **using your own words**. Think of this as a way of bringing together different themes that you observe from your reading material and then writing about it in your own voice. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/26uf9QPzzlKPvQG5O/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Example of synthesis in everyday life If a friend asked you to explain the similarities and differences between Star Trek and Star Wars, how would you respond? Whatever your answer might be, you will be **synthesizing**. Here is how I might answer that question in casual conversation. *Star Trek is similar to Star Wars in that both take place in the future and presented as science fiction. Additionally, both draw upon age-old concepts of a shared journey.* *But the two shows differ in that Star Trek is heavily focused on exploration. Star Wars, on the other hand, is all about survival.* See how this works? Simple, huh? Notice how I talked about both shows without quoting anyone else. In addition, did you see how I pulled in other material I knew about (“age-old concepts”) as part of the dynamic? Folks, I promise you synthesis is not complicated. The problem is college educators, like English professors and business instructors, don’t take the time to explain what this term means or how it works. In fact, the very reason I am blogging about this topic is that there’s not a lot of useful resources on the web that explains – with examples – how synthesis looks. Most sites engage in babble and use a bunch of fancy words that don’t get to the heart of what you are looking for. ## What does synthesis mean when I write essays? When your professor or teacher asks you to write an essay and [synthesize](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/tesj.65), here is what they are really saying to you: - **Discuss** your understanding of the material in your own words. - **Demonstrate your knowledge** of key concepts in your own words. - **Apply** that knowledge to your writing in your own words. As you will see, the “in your own words” is critical. To help draw a mental picture, let’s have a little fun and go camping. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/13tB0WgrJvp5DO/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Campfire Analogy I’d like you to imagine that we are sitting around a campfire with your fellow classmates, roasting marshmallows. As you take in the smell of burning wood and watch golden ambers float into the air, one of your classmates asks the group a question. “*I wonder where marshmallows come from?”* Let’s assume you know the answer to this question. How would you respond? Would you quote, verbatim, the words of someone else or would you simply start talking about your knowledge of marshmallows? Hopefully, the answer to that question is the later. In other words, you might say something like: *Marshmallows are kind of amazing. They have been with us for nearly 2000 years, dating back to the early Egyptians.* *Believe it or not, they are made from a combination of sap from the mallow plant – plus egg whites and a little sugar. They even make them in different colors, thanks to dyes. How cool is that?* **Notice how you gave that answer is a very conversational way?** While you may not have recognized it, you were synthesizing! Just for the sake of demonstration, here’s how you wouldn’t answer that question: *According to the Encyclopedia, “Marshmallows are a sugar-based confectionery that in its modern form typically consists of sugar, water and gelatin whipped to a squishy consistency, molded into small cylindrical pieces, and coated with corn starch. Additives may be included to change the color-scheme”* The reasons you wouldn’t answer it this way is because: 1)  Nobody talks like that unless they are an android. 2\) Quoting doesn’t demonstrate you really know the answer. All it shows is that somebody else knows the answer and you don’t. My point is this  – Your professor will be grading you on your ability to explain different concepts in your own words. **That’s synthesis.** ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/aGeePr7nv6ra8/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Let’s look at another example but this time, something more complex. Again, I’d like you to pretend we are all sitting around the campfire. As your fellow students gossip about the latest rumors, somebody points to the sky and shouts, “Holy crap – look, it’s a shooting star!” Suddenly you gaze towards the heavens. Your eye catches a fast-moving white light racing from east to west. Seconds later, it’s gone. Excited, everyone starts talking about where comets come from and if they present a risk to earth. Mesmerized by the conversation, you find yourself sucked in. That’s when somebody asks: *“Do you think an asteroid killed the dinosaurs?”* Based on your knowledge of this topic, how might you respond? Well, assuming you knew the answer, you might say something like: *A lot of people say that the dinosaurs were killed off by a huge asteroid, which blocked the sun and triggered a mass extinction event.* *The problem is not everyone agrees.* *There are some scientists who believe the dinosaurs died off because of massive volcanic eruptions, which made the air unbeathable.* What you just read above is an example of synthesis. In your own words, you explained two theories in a straightforward, easy to understand way. Not so difficult, is it? ![synthesis in writing](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/interview-expert-on-mens-topics.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)What synthesis looks like in writing ## How does synthesis look in a writing assignment? Now that you’ve grasped the basics, let’s look at an example for a writing assignment. Pretend your instructor gives you this as homework. Assignment Directions: *Define Freud’s theory of denial. Discuss what denial is used for. Apply denial to a hypothetical situation. Write out your thoughts about denial by answering the question: Do you believe denial serves a purpose?* Right off the top, the first thing you’ll want to do is underline the action words in the directions. – Define – Discuss – Apply Once you’ve done this, it’s time to formulate a reply using synthesis. Here’s what you might write: Example: *Sigmund Freud is considered the father of modern psychotherapy and one of the most important contributors to the field of psychology.* *As part of his extensive body of work, he postulated that human beings use various kinds of defense mechanisms as tools for coping with unpleasant life situations (Smith, 2017).* *One of those defense mechanisms is called denial.* *In Freudian psychology, denial simply means that a person is unable to acknowledge something negative.* *For example, a college student named Ed [gets caught plagiarizing](https://guycounseling.com/caught-plagiarizing-5-tips-to-get-out-of-hot-water/) on an essay. As a result, he fails the course and is told by student services that his scholarship will be canceled.* *To deal with the bad news, Ed pretends everything is fine. He even registers for new courses as part of his degree program.* *But the reality of his situation sets in days later.* *That’s when Ed receives an email from the registrar informing him that he must use a credit card to pay for his classes. Additionally, the email states that because of plagiarism, his scholarship is no longer active.* *Suddenly, he starts to feel deep shame, particularly when it dawns on him that he’ll have to beg his parents for money.* *In short, denial acts as a kind of subconscious shield against psychological or emotional trauma. Sometimes, the shield is short term.* *Other times, it can be extended for many years (Davis, 2018). Much depends on the person, the events, and the individual’s life history.* *In the narrow sense, I believe denial allows a person to get through the present moment. The problem, however, occurs when denial is left unchecked and doesn’t allow space for the person to take responsibility for their actions.* Notice how I wrote the response. Using the action words from the directions, I synthesized material from various sources and applied it to my writing. **That’s called synthesizing.** By writing in your own voice, you demonstrate to your instructor that: - You can define a topic - You can discuss a concept coherently. - You can apply the construct to a hypothetical situation. - You can pull together different theories. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/BqILAHjH1Ttm0/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## Synthesizing is not the same summarizing I am often asked if synthesis is the same as summarizing. The answer to that question is a solid **no**. When you are asked to summarize, your instructor is requesting that you break down the major highlights of a theory, case study, concept or news story. Here’s an example of summarizing, using Freud’s theory of denial. *Freud believed that people employ denial as a shield against emotional or psychological trauma.* All I’ve done with the above example is provided a quick snapshot about Freud’s theory. In short, I’m reiterating a main point. With synthesis, I’m pulling on different areas to create a meaningful answer. I’m also expanding the conversation with different ideas. ## Additional tips when asked to synthesize What follows are a few general essay writing tips for students who have been asked to synthesize. - Underline all action words in the directions. - Use those action words as a guide for what you will write. - Never start your essay off with a quote. - Unless absolutely necessary, don’t use quotes at all. - NEVER copy and paste from the web and try to pass it off as your writing. With today’s plagiarism technology, there’s a good chance you will get busted. - Write your essays in a conversational tone. This will help you to synthesize, much like the campfire examples mentioned earlier. - When referencing the work of others, speak in your own voice and then cite at the end of the sentence. - Break up paragraphs to help with flow - Ask your professor if you can write in the first person. - Expand on the topic you have been asked to write about and go beyond simply answering the essay question. ## Example essay using synthesis Because I understand it helps to see real life examples, I’m sharing an essay with you that I wrote using synthesis. Notice that I never quote in this document. Instead, I speak in my own voice (third person) and cite where necessary. By the way, I don’t pretend to be the perfect writer. Use the downloadable PDF below as an example of what synthesizing looks like. [Click for Example Synthesis Writing Essay](https://guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/example-synthesis-essay.pdf) ## Questions about synthesis? Are you struggling with writing in synthesis? Share your questions below and let others respond. **Categories:** Academia **Tags:** College, Essays, Synthesis, Writing --- ### [Mindfulness Helps Boost Sexual Satisfaction (Study)](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-intimacy-couples-815/) **Published:** August 15, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![intimacy couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/couple-intimacy.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Being fully present may equal greater intimacy** ## SHORT VERSION A new study suggests yet another benefit to mindful living. ## LONG VERSION If you are a person who follows the latest trends in wellness, you’ve no doubt heard of the concept of mindfulness. That’s a ten-dollar term used to describe a dynamic where you focus your awareness on the here and now. Some people think of mindfulness as a [form of Zen](https://guycounseling.com/zen-lifestyle-101/) whereby you channel your inner Yoda to fully embrace the present using your five senses. Examples include choosing to listen to the sound of chirping birds instead of beating yourself for a past mistake. Another example might be meditating and acknowledging your thoughts, regardless of content, as they pop up in your consciousness. So, instead of ruminating about that [dream you had about rats](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-rats-meaning/), you simply allow yourself to “be” with the unpleasant imagery until it passes. Make sense? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/dth7dInowsWxW/giphy.gif?resize=347%2C347&ssl=1) At any rate, we’ve known for some time now that living mindfully carries many benefits. Examples include less stress, reduced anxiety, and greater happiness. But what researchers have always wondered about was the impact of mindfulness on sexual satisfaction. Thanks to a new study published in the [Achieves of Sexual Behavior](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-1127-x), we may finally have an answer. Investigators surveyed over 800 participants that came from two groups. The first consisted of individuals who were in committed, long-term relationships (407). The second was made up of people who identified as single (400). What the researchers discovered across both groups was kind of remarkable: people who engaged in mindfulness reported being more satisfied with their sexual experiences than individuals who didn’t practice mindfulness. The implications of this study are important because it may offer a tool for mental health clinicians to help clients work through intimacy problems. “Mindfulness really is a way of life that extends to a number of areas, including the bedroom,” said Alan Tsang, a licensed [psychotherapist](https://www.linkedin.com/in/alan-tsang-06618614b) who Guy Counseling spoke to about this study. “But living in the here and now and focusing on the moment doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, practice, and patience,” Tsang adds. So, if you are hoping to experience a boost in your sexual satisfaction, it may be a good idea to start practicing a little Zen. If you are new to this concept, trying to a [simple body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). Now it’s time to turn the mike over to you. Do you practice mindfulness? If so, has it helped to increase satisfaction in the bedroom? **Categories:** News **Tags:** intimacy, Mindfulness --- ### [A Man’s Guide To Clearing Acne Naturally](https://guycounseling.com/acne/) **Published:** August 14, 2018 **Author:** Freddy Blackmon **Content:** ![man acne](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/man-acne.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Are you a man with acne? Here’s some tips for coping that don’t require medication. Acne is a sensitive subject. It also can be embarrassing. Some guys might think that acne is a rite of passage or that it’s perfectly normal to experience breakouts long into your adult life. That’s only partly true. Pimples are a part of life for most people, but there are several factors that determine how many breakouts you get and how severe they can be. According to the [American Academy of Dermatology](https://www.aad.org/media/stats/conditions/skin-conditions-by-the-numbers), nearly 50 million people in this country alone are affected by acne each year. A breakout can be embarrassing and lead to loss of productivity, low self-esteem, and costly medical treatments. The AAD estimates that in 2013 the cost associated with treating acne exceeded a billion dollars. Accutane is the most typical treatment, along with over-the-counter salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide creams. However, you can improve acne without medication. Here’s how: First, you need to understand what causes acne. Contrary to popular belief it’s not hereditary. Just because your parents had acne doesn’t mean you have to have it, too. It’s caused by an over-production of oil that’s triggered by a build up of the testosterone hormone and cortisol. Also, dead skin cells that line the pores can clog up your follicles. That combination of oil and dead skin cells cause inflammation and produce the ideal conditions for the acne bacterium Propionibacterium acnes to thrive and multiply. ![young college man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/attractive-young-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)How are you managing stress? ## Stress Management The best thing you can do to alleviate acne without medication is to simply stop worrying about it. In fact, there is a direct correlation between your stress levels and the severity of your breakouts. At the AAD’s Summer Academy Meeting in 2011, dermatologist and clinical psychologist Richard G. Fried, MD, PhD, FAAD published [research](https://www.aad.org/media/news-releases/managing-stress-can-help-people-improve-their-skin-conditions) suggesting that chemical neuropeptides create inflammation of the skin and induce acne flareups due to stress. These neuropeptides are meant to create a defensive barrier for the body to fight diseases and injuries, but Fried’s research found that anger, anxiety and depression cause the improper release of these chemicals. Also, stress increases the amount of cortisol that your body produces. Cortisol produces sebum – you know that waxy, whitish, mystery gunk that comes out of your pores. So, one way you can reduce acne without medication is to just relax, take a yoga class, or simply try to have more fun. Worrying about your acne will only make it worse. If you have time, check out this [post on stress pimples](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/) to learn more. ![diet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/healthy-foods.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Diet influences your skin big time ## Change Your Diet The foods you eat are like a double-edged sword. They can promote wellness, but they can also harm your body and create chemical imbalances. Are the foods you’re eating causing you to have more acne? The research says *yes.* A [study](http://www.healthline.com/health/anti-acne-diet#foods-to-help-your-skin) published in the Journal of Clinical, Cosmetic and Investigational Dermatology found that foods with high-glycemic carbohydrates and fats cause the skin to excrete excess levels of oil. Foods with a high glycemic index are potatoes, rice, white bread, and even honey. A similar study corroborated those findings by reducing acne in participants who went on a low-glycemic, protein-rich diet for a period of 12 weeks. Also, if you are sensitive to iodine, eating fish that is high in iodine such as salmon and certain shellfish should be avoided. Although there is no food cure to acne you can reduce acne without medication if you eat foods like lentils, soy products and bananas, and stay away from the processed, sugary foods that cause your skin cells to produce too much oil. ![mens skincare and acne man with beard](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)What skin care products do you use? ## Monitor Your Skincare Products Men need to maintain healthy skincare just as much as women, and using skincare products is not just for the ladies. You might think that because you’re using some form of skincare product that you’re improving your acne, but that’s not necessarily true. All skincare products aren’t created equal. This is particularly true for certain types of washes and face [moisturizers designed for men](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/). Some foundations and moisturizers contain certain parobins, lanolins and dyes. They can irritate your skin, actually clog your pores and create the conditions for acne bacteria to grow. Also, if you’re not properly washing your face and neck every day, then your pores will get clogged. What you want to look for in your skincare products are simple ingredients that are [labeled as non-comedogenic](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/), hypoallergenic, or mineral-based. I personally use a moisturizer from Simple. It’s a light SPF15 that doesn’t contain lanolin or any type of artificial colors, perfumes or dyes. ![man sleeping](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/man-sleeping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Getting enough sleep? ## Get Some Rest Sleep is like maintenance time for your body. Cells get repaired at night and you wake up feeling refreshed when you get the right amount of sleep. You can improve your acne without medication by getting better quality sleep and changing some of your night time habits. For starters, when was the last time you changed your pillowcase? You spend six to eight hours with your face pressed against it, and you’re exposing your skin to harmful bacteria. If you can, try to change out that pillowcase at least every other night. Lack of sleep in of itself doesn’t cause acne, but it does cause stress. It’s a snowball effect that will ultimately lead to more breakouts. ## The Takeaway If you have serious acne, then you might not be able to avoid using prescription Accutane or some form of over-the-counter salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide creams. Acne is a medical condition, so be sure to consult with your healthcare provider before you begin a new health regimen or stop taking any medications. Most people have mild acne and it can be treated with changes to your lifestyle. Lowering your stress levels, eating low-glycemic foods, using simple skincare products, and having good quality sleep will help you reduce acne without the costly medications. Be consistent and you’ll see noticeable results in no time. Remember, if you are concerned about any aspect of your skin or something doesn’t seem right, make an appointment with a dermatologist. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Mind **Tags:** Acne, Pimples, Skin Care --- ### [Guys Who Wear Boxers Have Higher Sperm Counts (Study)](https://guycounseling.com/guys-boxers-sperm-count-812/) **Published:** August 13, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![young male athlete - boxers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/guy-athlete.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **New research may help to answer an age-old question** ## **QUICK STORY** A new study suggests men who wear loose fitting underwear, like boxers, may experience higher sperm concentrations. ## **LONG STORY** There are many [topics guys don’t talk about](https://guycounseling.com/grooming-habits-attractive-men/) because they are considered taboo. One of them is personal underwear choices. Let’s face it – it’s not like we go around asking one another what brands we like or fabric preferences. But maybe we should? If we were having such conversations, we’d probably learn about some exciting health news that helps to answer the age-old question: *Boxers or briefs.* According to a paper published in *[Human Reproduction](https://academic.oup.com/humrep/advance-article/doi/10.1093/humrep/dey259/5066758)*, men who wear looser fitting skivvies, like boxers, have higher sperm concentrations than guys who do not. For this line of research, investigators at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health and Massachusetts General Hospital surveyed 656 guys who were seeking help from an infertility clinic between 2000-2017. Using self-reports, the men revealed what types of underwear they typically wear. Additionally, they also provided semen samples for testing. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/e8jXEd4x36Yjm/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Here’s what investigators learned: Men who wore boxers had a whopping **25% higher sperm concentration** than the guys who did not. That’s kind of a big deal, don’t you think? Particularly if you are hoping to be a dad. Now obviously, there are all sorts of limitations to this study. A big one is that self-reports are often unreliable. Other caveats inconsistent semen sampling times, fabric types and even scrotal heat. Still, the results are jaw-dropping. Perhaps guys will be more comfortable talking about underwear choices in the future? It’s not like we’re not interested in such things. Want proof? According to *[Market Watch](https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/global-mens-underwear-market-to-reach-1609-billion-usd-by-2025---qy-research-inc-2018-07-23)*, the men’s underwear space in 2017  saw over 9 billion dollars in revenue worldwide. Moreover, that number is expected to swell past 16 billion by 2025. So, there you have it. Wearing boxers may offer a serious boost in sperm concentrations. We’ll have to keep our eye out for future studies that help support the findings in Human Reproduction. Until then, we probably would do well to get over ourselves and talk about our skivvies. Otherwise, a lot of us are going to be left in the dark. So, which do you like to wear – boxers or briefs? **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Boxers, Briefs, research, Study, Underwear --- ### [Checking Email After Work Poisons Your Personal Life, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/work-email-personal-life-811/) **Published:** August 11, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man checking email smartphone](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/smartphone.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Constantly jumping on email after work damages your personal relationships.   ## **SHORT STORY** A new study confirms people who are constantly plugged into work after hours do real harm to their health and relationships. ## **LONG STORY** Do you regularly check work email at night? On weekends, do you tap on messages to see if the boss wrote? Is it fair to say you have an overwhelming need to be connected to the office, fearing you’ll miss something important? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The hard truth is many people have become electronically tethered to their jobs 24/7, thanks to email. But are there negative consequences for this behavior? The answer is a resounding yes, according to a new study appearing in the [Academy of Management](https://journals.aom.org/doi/10.5465/AMBPP.2018.121). Investigators surveyed 142 fulltime employees and their significant others to assess the impact of checking work messages after hours. What they discovered confirms what many in the mental health community have known for a long time – being constantly linked to the job damages a person’s health and their love life. ![smartphone](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/smartphone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Curious about the study’s conclusions, Guy Counseling spoke to James Lawyer, a licensed psychotherapist and executive director of [Chicago Behavior Consultants](https://www.linkedin.com/in/james-lawyer-7a4b351b?trk=org-employees_mini-profile_cta). “The results of the research are not surprising to me in the least. Increasingly, companies have set the expectation that employees need to monitor and respond to email in real time, even during off time. When you add it all up, it means people are living in a suspended state of anxiety and neglecting important life areas, such as self-care and (undistracted) time with loved ones.” Lawyer goes on to add: “I can’t tell you how many relationships I’ve seen ruined because of this issue. When someone crawls into bed with their partner and brings their smartphone with them, it’s like inviting the boss to join in.” So, is there anything that can be done about this issue? According to the study’s recommendations, employers need to do a better job of setting expectations around electronic communication. “Organizations could set off-hour email windows and limit use of electronic communications outside of those windows or set up email schedules when various employees are available to respond,” said Liuba Belkin, an associate professor of management at Lehigh University and coauthor of the study. In addition, Belkin suggests employees should create awareness around electronic work-related interactions [through mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/zen-lifestyle-101/). “Mindfulness is a practice within the control of the employee even if email expectations are not (i.e., those are enforced by their organization or their manager,” said Belkin. ## **Hot Topic** How often do you jump on email after work hours? Has it interfered in the quality of your life, including your relationships? If so, what are you doing to set up [healthy boundaries](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-boundaries/)? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Boundaries, Email, Love, Mental Health --- ### [Science Says Tattoos Are No Longer Taboo for Job Seekers](https://guycounseling.com/tattoos-job-seekers-892/) **Published:** August 9, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man with tattoos](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/man-tattoo.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Tats won’t hurt your chances of landing a job** ## **QUICK STORY** A new study suggests tattoos are no longer something to hide from employers. ## **LONG STORY** For decades, conventional wisdom has held that people (mostly men) who had visible tattoos made themselves less desirable in the eyes of employers. But according to a line of research appearing in the peer- reviewed journal *[Human Relations](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0018726718782597)*, that old way of thinking should be tossed out the window. Investigators at the University of Miami School of Business and University of Western Australia surveyed more than 2000 people from across fifty states. What they discovered was a major perceptual change on how employers viewed tattoos. Specifically, researchers learned that salaries for tattooed employees were **indistinguishable** from workers who had no ink. Moreover, job seekers were just as likely – if not more likely – to gain employment. Guy Counseling spoke to career specialist [Jenny Lawal](http://npino.com/counselor/1093202400-omoye-jennifer-lawal/), a Chicago based employment coach about the findings. “I think the study confirms something we’ve known for a long time. Tattoos probably aren’t going to harm someone looking for a job. Nowadays, more people than not seem to have at least one.” ![men with tattoos](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tattoos-for-men.jpg?resize=640%2C359&ssl=1)Got some tats? In the past, other research studies have shown that managers making employment decisions viewed people with tats as less employable than folks without ink. But this new study appears to demonstrate a major shift. Lead study investigator Michael French made the following statement about the research in a press release: “The long-held stigmas associated with having tattoos, and particularly visible ones, may be eroding, especially among younger individuals who view body art as a natural and common form of personal expression.” While the numbers are somewhat scattered, some [research](https://www.npr.org/2014/02/21/280213268/job-seekers-still-have-to-hide-tattoos-from-the-neck-up) suggests that one out of every five adults has some type of tattoo. Moreover, the popularity of tats seems to be growing, particularly among millennials, according to the [Saturday Evening Post](http://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/2018/02/27/in-the-magazine/why-tattoos-are-so-popular.html). But Lawal offers a word of caution about the study’s findings, particularly for men. “While the results of this research will be music to the ears of many guys, it’s not a permission slip to go overboard. Small tattoos on the arm or leg are probably fine. But I would still avoid getting anything above the neck. Also, it’s probably not a good idea to get inked with anything that could be viewed as offensive. In other words, use common sense.” And what if you already have tattoos that might come off as thuggish or unsightly? “Do what guys have been doing for a long time – cover it up. Wear a long sleeve shirt for job interviews. If they appear on other visible parts of the body that can’t be covered up with clothing, like a hand, consider using a concealer,” suggests Lawal. Well, there you have it, folks. You don’t need to stress out if you are looking for work and have ink. That [cool owl tattoo](https://guycounseling.com/owl-tattoos-learn-their-symbolism-and-meaning/) on your forearm or military emblem on your bicep is just fine. **Do you have tattoos? What has been your experience with employment and ink?** **Categories:** Career, News **Tags:** Career, Science, tattoos --- ### [7 Tips for Fathers Surviving the Divorce Process](https://guycounseling.com/survive-divorce-fathers/) **Published:** August 9, 2018 **Author:** Adrian Cruce **Content:** ![man walking with child](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/man-walking-with-child.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Is your marriage ending? Here’s some practical suggestions for working through. Are you a father going through a divorce? Trying to make the process easier? Hoping for some practical tips to help keep your sanity in check? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The hard truth is nearly half of all marriages in the United States end up in divorce. During the transition period, many people are left [emotionally devested](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/), particularly dads with young children. Is there any way to make things easier? The answer is a qualified “yes”, however, it would be untrue to say things will be stress-free. Instead, it’s better to think in terms of creating a “soft landing”. What follows are seven tips for fathers surviving the divorce process. Some of these are common sense. Others will make you pause and think. Read them all and apply what feels right to your situation. ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1) ## 1. Try to react rationally Avoid any tension from an angry wife by keeping a level head and reacting rationally to whatever she says or throws at you. One tip: Do not engage in verbal or physical battles with your wife. Otherwise, you might risk yourself of being thrown out of your house. So, no matter how impossible your spouse is, you can cope up with her during and after the divorce by learning how to manage your emotions. For instance, in a high conflict divorce, consider thinking of a few proposals rather than fighting for your idea for a better decision later. And you need *flexible thinking* here.  That is also to say not to reject what she’s first saying when discussing new ideas to come up with a decision. Part of flexible thinking, you should also check yourself and your reactions to stay rational. If you do, you can make decisions out of a calm mind and rational thought. Staying rational, you can also focus on the big picture by keeping track of the things you want to accomplish during and after the divorce.  For example, think differently about the way you respond to your spouse in front of your children if you want a less difficult divorce process. If you need help in managing your emotions, contact a mental health counselor who is experienced with relationship transitions. Doing so will help strengthen your abilities to keep your emotions in check. ## 2. Hire an experienced divorce attorney Find a sympathetic and competent divorce law attorney that has the experience working with fathers as early as possible if you feel that divorce is inevitable. You can ask for recommendations from other divorced fathers, local state bar associations, family and friends when searching for a lawyer. It helps to learn as much as you can about the legal intricacies of dissolving a marriage so take your time with this process. FYI: Don’t be afraid to hunt around the web and identify professionals who specialize in marital collapses when [looking for a divorce attorney](https://drizinlaw.com/). Your goal should be to identify the best person possible to fit your needs. By seeking out help sooner, you can avoid mistakes that might damage different aspects of the case and your child custody goals. Your lawyer can guide you through the process’ legal aspect as well as refer you to specialists in the areas of mental health, emotion management, and financial coaching. When you get those referrals, make the most of them. ## 3. Communicate with people (the more, the better) Men aren’t known to be [vocal about their feelings](https://guycounseling.com/celebrity-men-depression-8-8-1/). As a tribe, we speak less or not at all about our emotions; something we can chalk up to societal norms. As a result, some dads going through marital changes end up isolating, thereby making their moods worse. To avoid this problem, communicate with people by reaching out to others. As you go through this painful stage in your life, seek emotional support from close friends, family, clergy, professional counselors and life coaches if needed. Remember you’re looking for support, not sympathy, so be wise about who you confide in and choose people who genuinely care about your welfare. ## 4. Try not to be the aggressor (by yourself) Do you want to keep your finances, reputation, and well-being intact during and after the divorce?  Don’t be the aggressor, period.  Take the high road, [limit your alcohol consumption](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) (or stop) and maintain proper behavior. Don’t let anyone question your responsibility.  Finally, never let an angry spouse pull you into a verbal battle or get caught up in repetitive, abusive patterns. ## 5. Think about your health Take care of yourself well.  Do not neglect your health, feel isolated and be depressed.  It might be easier said than done, but you have to consider it during this difficult period of transition.  A few good strategies include keeping a healthy lifestyle. ### Tips - Eat well. Limit your sugar and salt intake. You should take some time to eat fresh and nutritious foods. Eat more fruits and vegetables.  Include lean meat cuts, wholegrain cereals, and bread, fish and poultry in your diet. Have an annual health checkup. - Get regular exercise. [Do yoga or meditate](https://guycounseling.com/yoga-men-benefits/). You can also participate in sports in your community and join sports clubs. - If you occasionally use substances, like 420, rethink this as a coping mechanism. Right now, you need to keep your head as clear as possible. - Nourish your spiritual well-being for strength that you badly need during these trying times. Fill your mind with positive things.  If you believe in a higher power, whatever that might be, now is the time to strengthen that connection. ## 6. Have Realistic Expectations Periods of disappointments and frustrations are inevitable. Divorce is typically a lengthy process, anyway. The court system can be frustrating and often slow; something that adds to anxiety. The takeaway for this tip is simply this – don’t expect things to run smoothly. Sure, it may turn out that everything will run like clockwork. But to keep it real, it usually doesn’t happen this way. By having realistic expectations, you reduce your level stress and empower yourself to deal with things as they are instead of how you wish them to be.  This leads us to our next point. ## 7. Be Patient Yes, it is normal that you want the process to be over as soon as possible. Who doesn’t? But the reality is marital termination takes time. The key is extreme patience, and this cannot be stressed enough. In fact, it is possibly the most important virtue you need during this time. ### Tips - Do not lack patience in the divorce process because it really takes time, not to mention delays in proceedings and time-consuming hearings. - Do not lose patience to get over the breakup with your ex. Accept that it takes time to turn around, walk away and ready your sails for new waters. - Do not be impatient in meeting someone new in your life. Give yourself some time to heal before entering another relationship after the divorce. Also, take the time to know the other person before getting married again. - Consider reading books on how others have survived the divorce process. A great one to consider is “Crazy Time” ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2OXRrnU)). Above all, be wise enough to **choose patience**. This will help you to have a smoother divorce journey and a successful ending.  Always be kind and patient, not just to yourself but also to your wife and your children. Remember, you have a long time ahead, so it pays off to work together in rebuilding trust and opening communication lines. ## Final Thoughts If both sides are willing to cooperate rationally with one another, the entire process does not have to be agonizing. As a divorcing father, there are many ways on how you can healthily go about terminating your marriage, including reacting rationally, being patient, and setting realistic expectations for the experience. Hopefully, the tips shared here will make the experience less stressful. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Anxiety, Children, Depression, Divorce --- ### [Celebrity Men Who Talk About Depression Help End Stigmas](https://guycounseling.com/celebrity-men-depression-8-8-1/) **Published:** August 8, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![steve s](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/steve-smith-jr.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Steve Smith Sr ## Men in the public eye who talk about their depression help other guys, according to experts Recently, former Panthers and Ravens wide receiver Steve Smith Sr. shared in an interview with [NFL Today](http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000944106/article/steve-smith-sr-my-personal-battle-with-depression) that he struggles with depression. Apparently, it has been going on for years and got to the point that it overwhelmed him during his professional football career. “I’ve learned through hours and hours of counseling, and am still learning, so much about the battle I fight within,” he revealed. When it comes to men and depression, it’s a topic most guys don’t want to talk about. There are a variety of reasons for this, ranging from long-standing stereotypes about what it means to be a man to cultural norms linked to masculine behaviors. Wanting to know more about men, depression, and celebrities opening up about their mental health challenges, Guy Counseling spoke to some experts. “Men really have a hard time talking about their feelings. A big reason for this is because they don’t want to be seen as weak,” says John Lingner, a Chicago based licensed mental health counselor who works with guys. “The problem is the less they talk about what’s going on inside, the more likely they are to sink into a deeper depression,” he adds. The [American Psychological Association](http://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers.aspx) shared in a 2015 Upfront column that approximately 9% of men in the United States struggle with some form of depression or anxiety. But according to Lingner, those numbers are likely higher. “Most of the data we have on mood-related problems and men are based on self-reports. I suspect those numbers are much higher because guys usually don’t reveal that kind of information to strangers. Think about it for a moment. If they already have problems talking to someone like me, how do you think they would feel about completing a survey?” ## **Male Celebrities Going Public** There is room for hope. In addition to NFL star Steve Smith Sr’s recent disclosure, other men in the public eye have also started to go public with their stories. In April of this year, [Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson shared](https://guycounseling.com/dwayne-johnson-depression-0404/) in an interview that his depression got so bad that he started to isolate. He also spent hours crying. Hollywood actor, Ryan Reynolds revealed in May, that he once was [paralyzed with anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-reynolds-anxiety-541/) and that it has been a lifelong struggle. Finally, *Shooter* star Ryan Phillippe has gone on record in a number of interviews about his personal battle with the blues. In 2017, he told [Women’s Health](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19918031/ryan-phillipe-on-sleeping-naked/): “I struggle with depression. But really, depression could manifest in a thousand different ways depending on who it is. I don’t think there’s any reason not to talk about it. We can help each other cope and give tools that we learn along the way.” ## **Does it help?** So, does it help when famous guys go public with their mental health challenges? According to mental health counselor Costa Provis, the answer is yes. “It is extremely helpful when someone like a pro-football player or \[male\] celebrity talks about these issues. By doing so, they do a lot to get rid of the toxic stigmas about depression. In turn, this makes it easier for them to open up and ultimately, get the support they badly need.” **Categories:** News **Tags:** Anxiety, Celebrities, Depression, Ryan Phillippe, Ryan Reynolds --- ### [Science Says Stress Can Help You Deal with Bad News Better](https://guycounseling.com/stress-bad-news-better-862/) **Published:** August 6, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![man with stress sitting down](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/young-man-stressed.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Maybe a little bit of stress isn’t such a bad thing?** ## **SHORT VERSION** A new study has been published that suggests a little stress can help you process bad news better. ## **LONG VERSION** Nobody wants to hear bad news. You know what I’m talking about, right? Things like learning your credit card number was stolen or that someone broke into your house while you slaved away at work. Sounds terrible, doesn’t it? If only there were a way to process bad news better so that its impact wasn’t so devastating. Well, according to a newly minted research study, maybe there is. In the August edition of the [Journal of Neuroscience](http://www.jneurosci.org/content/early/2018/08/06/JNEUROSCI.0716-18.2018), investigators have learned that people who feel anxious or stressed are better able to digest bad news and internalize its impact. Now stay with me because I realize this may seem a bit counterintuitive. As the thinking goes, people tend to notice good news more (like winning money) as opposed to bad news (such as learning you’ve been robbed). Here’s how Dr. Tali Sharot with University College London (UCL) and a co-author of the study explained things in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-08/ucl-smp080618.php): ![Man with stress](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/reduced-stress.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) “Generally, people are quite optimistic – we ignore the bad and embrace the good. And this is indeed what happened when our study participants were feeling calm; but when they were under stress, a different pattern emerged. Under these conditions, they became vigilant to bad news we gave them, even when this news had nothing to do with the source of their anxiety,” said Sharot. The 35-person study was conducted in two parts: one at the UCL lab, and one with firefighters in Colorado. Half were told they had to give a speech on an unknown topic (thus raising their stress levels). The other participants were assigned an easy writing assignment at the end of the study (less stressed). “For the task, the participants were asked to estimate the risk level of various threatening life events, such as being a victim of domestic burglary or credit card fraud. They were then told the real risk – either good news or bad news depending on how it compared to their estimate. Later on, they were asked to provide new estimates of what they thought the risks would be for themselves,” says the press release. So, what did the study reveal? Well, according to the published results, the people who were less stressed processed the good news better than the bad. Not shocking, right? And what about that group that was stressed? Well, that’s the interesting part. The anxious group was better able to deal with the bad news when compared to the relaxed group. Bear in mind the results weren’t subjective. Scientists used different tools to measure stress, such as physiological arousal, skin conductance and cortisol levels. The windup is this. Sometimes, stress and anxiety can help offer a buffer for unpleasant experienced because you’re already in a heightened state of arousal. **More:** [How to live in the present](https://guycounseling.com/live-present-moment/) As Dr. Neil Garrett, co-author of the study suggests, “Under threat, a stress reaction is triggered and it increases the ability to learn about hazards – which could be desirable. In contrast, in a safe environment, it would be wasteful to be on high alert constantly.” So, take heart all of you stressed out and anxious types. You may be better equipped to handle life’s ugly moments more than you think. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Anxiety, research, stress --- ### [10 Ways To Live in the Present Moment](https://guycounseling.com/live-present-moment/) **Published:** August 4, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![live in the present moment](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/present.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **HOW TO LIVE MINDFULLY IN THE PRESENT** Are you trying to live in the present? Hoping to strengthen your attachment to the here and now? Struggling with regrets from the past? If the answer yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The hard truth is most of us – meaning men and women – have difficulty living in the now. This is particularly true [if you have anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/) and your mind is constantly racing. The reality is when you aren’t living in the present, you are living an illusion. It means you are holding yourself a prisoner to *what was* and unable to experience *what is*. But how can you live in the present when you constantly ruminate on the past? Moreover, how do you focus your mind to be in this moment – as in this very second in time? I’m going to level with you – it’s not easy. I recognize saying this may not be what you want to hear. But you came here looking for answers and not a load of B.S. **Here’s the deal – living in the present takes time and practice. It’s a mindset that slowly develops and becomes a way of life.** For that to happen, you need to give yourself the chance to create positive change. I am using the word “create” because in truth, that is what you are doing – creating an opportunity to live differently. ## **BENEFITS OF LIVING IN THE PRESENT** You may be wondering what some of the benefits are of living in the present moment. The simple truth is there are too many to list on this one page. That said, here are a few of the big ones: - Less mental stress - Greater happiness - Reduced anxiety - More positive thoughts - Better physical health - Acceptance instead of denial - Happier life outlook - Enhanced sense of gratitude - Ability to self-forgive - Stronger self-love ## **LIVING IN THE PRESENT** Before diving deep, it’s important to acclimate yourself to the realities of living in the present. This means developing an ability to tune into yourself and your surroundings. Mastering this skill will serve as a foundation for all that follows. To accomplish this, I highly recommend you to conduct an easy to do exercise called [the body scan meditation](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). Doing so will allow you to strengthen your **inner-eye**; a Zen term used to describe a gateway to higher consciousness. After you’ve done this, I encourage you to try and incorporate the following 10 behaviors into your life. It may help to bookmark this page and revisit to help reinforce key concepts. ![men and anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1) ## **1. STOP REACHING FOR SUBSTANCES** One of the ways you sabotage yourself from living in the present is by reaching for a tool to “checkout”. While marijuana, alcohol and other substances can be fun recreationally, they shouldn’t be relied on as a conduit to calmer living. To live fully in the present, your mind needs to be clear and free. Substances do nothing but block your senses while projecting a false reality. ## **2. ASK YOURSELF “WHAT AM I AWARE OF”** To live in the moment means to lean into your five senses. This means touch, smell, sight, hearing, and taste. Throughout the day, pause for a moment and ask yourself this question: **what am I aware of right now?** Examples include seeing a bird, smelling the grass, tasting a bite of food, touching a tree or hearing water flow. You will need to get very comfortable with this question and identifying the answers. This will be key in shifting your thinking from the past to the present. ## **3. ENGAGE IN DAILY MINDFUL MEDITATION** Part of here and now living means checking into yourself. This may seem paradoxical when the goal is to live in the present. But you won’t be able to become part of this moment unless you meditate. There’s no need to become a [Zen lifestyle master](https://guycounseling.com/zen-lifestyle-101/) for this step. Moreover, you don’t have to spend hours engaged in this activity. Instead, carve out 10-15 minutes a day and dedicate it to meditative activities. One way to do this is by conducting the body scan mentioned earlier. Many people find doing this in the morning is a powerful way to set the tone for the rest of the day. ## **4. MINDFUL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF ACTIVITIES** When you are engaged in mundane chores, like washing dishes, vacuuming the carpet, ironing shirts or folding the laundry, take note of the little things. Notice the water moving over plates. Become aware of how the carpet responds to the vacuum. See the steam rising from your iron. Observe how the fabric feels as you fold your clothes. Do you become distracted? If so, acknowledge this and do not try to fight it. Instead, give your mind permission to wander a bit and then gently return to the task at hand. ![man reflecting and living in the present](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/man-reflecting-water.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Trying to stop bad thoughts only makes them stronger ## **5. STOP FIGHTING YOUR THOUGHTS** Perhaps the biggest barrier to living in the present are thoughts from the past. Sometimes, memories can be painful. Other times, they can be downright toxic. What you’ve got to do is remember that your thoughts don’t define you. At their core, they are nothing more than fragments from a time gone by. Instead of trying to fight them, it is far better to accept that they enter your consciousness. A mistake people make is trying to “block thoughts” or somehow purge them from the mind. The problem is **the more energy you put into stopping thoughts, the more power you give them**. Instead, it is best to accept their presence and let them naturally move out of your awareness. Say to yourself: *I am aware of \[fill in the blank\] and acknowledge it is in my mind.* Allow yourself to be mindful of this thought while drawing into your awareness other things occurring in your stream of consciousness. Eventually, the unpleasant memory will fade. Remember the words of the famous psychiatrist Carl Jung: *What we resist persists.* ## **6. FOCUS ON BREATHING** A tenant of living in the present is developing an awareness on breathing. But the mistake people make with including this activity is thinking it’s just a mindful exercise. It’s not. Instead, focusing on your breathing allows your mind to connect with your body in a way that lowers your heart rate and blood pressure. In turn, this empowers you to become less anxious. Once you are in a calm place, you are better equipped to be present in the moment and take part of life as it happens. If you have never spent time focusing on your breathing, consider a guide that helps you to develop skills in this area. Here’s an excellent option available on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2LW4vfd). ## **7.  STOP ENGAGING IN LEARNED HELPLESSNESS** If there’s one thing that will prevent you from being present in the here and now it’s this – being a prisoner to the past. A telltale sign that you do this is by constantly bringing up events from yesteryear as an excuse for not changing your life today. Example: *My parents were horrible with money and that’s why I am so bad with it today*. While that factoid about your parents may be true, it’s not a permission slip to replicate their actions. When you live in the present, you **say no to becoming a victim** to the mistakes of others. Use today – as in this very moment in time – to write a new narrative about yourself. Once you do this, you are truly stepping into the here and now. ![self-compassion men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-acne.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Living in the present means exercising self compassion ## **8. EXERCISE SELF-COMPASSION** Here’s a term that is widely used but often misunderstood. When you peel all of it away, self-compassion really is nothing more than the ability to recognize our own suffering with a loving heart. But don’t confuse [self-compassion with self-pity](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/09/self-pity-self-compassion-differ/). The key difference is this: when you exercise self-compassion, you connect your personal pain with that of others, thereby encouraging the process of healing. In this way, you are truly living in the here and now. ## **9. RECOGNIZE THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE NOTHING** For a lot of people who struggle with issues of anxiety and depression, it can be almost impossible to quiet the mind and simply “be”. If you are a person who constantly feels you must be active in order to feel productive, you know exactly what I’m talking about. But I have news for you. If your goal is to live in the present, you’ve got to give yourself permission to chillax. And not just because it will keep you calm and centered. Instead, relaxing without purpose empowers the mind to see something in the nothing. Creativity doesn’t happen when you are focusing on tasks. Instead, it happens when you are unfocused and detached from worry. ## **10. STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF** The final way to live in the present is to completely stop criticizing yourself. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t look at past performance to identify areas of improvement. But it does mean stop beating yourself up for old mistakes. It also means ejecting the mental tape you play that reinforces toxic thinking. Instead, reprogram your thoughts with positive affirmations that focus on today. This means *realistic* self-dialogue with a forward-looking theme. Example: *I am not a victim of my past. Today. I am writing my own future*. ## **BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER** Living in the here and now is a process. It doesn’t happen instantly and requires patience. But when you think about it, doesn’t this make sense? Hopefully, the ten suggestions listed above will help you move away from old ways of thinking so that you can be more present in the moment. How many are you willing to try? **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mindfulness, zen --- ### [What Attribute Sets Leaders Apart from Followers?](https://guycounseling.com/leader-follower-831/) **Published:** August 3, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![leaders and followers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/white-shirt-and-tie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **New research points to key leadership trait** If you are a fan of leadership studies as I am, you probably enjoy learning about the various traits and characteristics of  different [leadership types](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-types/). That’s why a new research study conducted by investigators at the University of Zurich is so fascinating. Essentially, what they discovered was a cognitive and neurobiological process that influences whether a person is more likely to step into a leadership role or delegate decision making to others. Examples of leadership decisions run the gamut. Examples include: - Should I send soldiers into harm’s way? - Do I introduce new technology to my company that may put some employees out of work? - If I ask people to work over the holiday, will it impact morale? The overriding theme in all of these scenarios is simply this: Strong leaders are folks who understand the ramifications of their decision-making choices and accept responsibility for the outcomes. ## **![leadership decision making](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/leadership-theories-revealed.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Responsibility Averse** Conversely, people who are responsibility-averse struggle to make [tough decisions](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/) that impact others. As a result, they often farm out difficult choices. The findings of this study, which have been published in the journal *Science*, may influence current thinking about leadership types and theories (see this [page on theories](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-theories-made-simple/) to learn more). In a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-08/uoz-lof080318.php) about the study, lead author Micah Edelson said the following: “Because this framework highlights the change in the amount of certainty required to make a decision, and not the individual’s general tendency for assuming control, it can account for many different leadership types. These can include authoritarian leaders who make most decisions themselves, and egalitarian leaders who frequently seek a group consensus.” So, some good questions to ask yourself, given this study’s conclusions are: Am I responsibility averse? If not, do I take responsibility for the decisions I make that impact others, regardless if the outcome is good or bad? Food for thought. **Categories:** Career, Field Notes, News **Tags:** Leadership, Work --- ### [Men are Bleaching and Waxing Their Butts in New Manscaping Trend](https://guycounseling.com/men-bleaching-waxing-butt/) **Published:** August 2, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![anal bleaching for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Grooming News: Anal bleaching and waxing for guys is in ## **SHORT VERSION** Anal bleaching and waxing catching on for guys ## **LONG STORY** It’s no secret that just like any other body part, guys care about how they look. Moreover, certain body parts tend to get more attention than others, particularly during manscaping. For example – did you know a lot of [guys shave their butt](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-shave-your-buttocks-the-right-way-for-men/)? Yep, they absolutely do. But what if I told you the latest trend among guys – yes straight guys – is to have their butts bleached and waxed? Well, it’s absolutely happening. According to a story published by the good folks over at Men’s Health, there are a growing number of guys who are coming into the spa and requesting to have their anus bleached and their butts waxed. ![how to shave your butt for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/how-to-shave-your-butt-for-men.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Here’s part of what the story says at [MH](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a22618099/hairy-butt-wax-tips/): “Enrique Ramirez is a licensed esthetician. He’s been working in the salon industry for nearly two decades. Over the years, he’s provided a lot of different services to a lot of different people. But more recently, he’s been receiving inquiries from a specific demographic regarding a very specific service. More recently, he’s been getting straight guys asking about bleaching their butts.” What’s interesting is how this trend seems to follow other grooming movements among guys. One example includes men having their jaws injected with filler to get a “[Macho Mouth](https://guycounseling.com/menjections-mach-mouths/)”. Another example can be found in the increased interest on the topic of how guys go about the business of properly [shaving their pubic areas](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/). Guy Counseling spoke to Chicago based counselor Marcello Gonzalez who works with a lot of men around issues of personal appearance. Here’s his take: “More and more, men want to feel good about how they look. Part of this can involve manscaping. Getting your anus bleached and waxed can be part of the dynamic. There’s no shame in this.” Well, there you have it. A new trend among guys who engage in personal grooming and self-care rituals: anal bleaching and waxing. Will you be giving it a try? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Buttocks, Grooming, Manscaping, Shaving --- ### [Marines More Likely To Binge Drink, Have Riskier Sex (Report)](https://guycounseling.com/marines-drinking-sexual-behaviors/) **Published:** August 1, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![marine drinking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-drinking-alcohol.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **QUICK STORY** A new report sheds light on health-related behaviors among those who serve. ## **LONG STORY** Did you hear the news? A study came out that suggests members of the U.S. Marine Corps (as a group) are significantly more likely to binge drink, engage in riskier sex and have more sexual partners when compared to other branches of service. The [study](https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9955.html) was published by the folks at RAND Corporation. “It’s not really shocking. Each branch of service has its own unique culture,” says Dr. Greg Harms, a psychologist Guy Counseling spoke to about this study. Harms works with members of the armed forces on a variety of issues, including [alcohol use](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/). “It is not a coincidence that binge drinking and riskier sexual behaviors are so high,” he adds. The data, gathered from the Health Related Behaviors Survey, collected responses from 17,000 members of the military for years 2015 and 2016. According to the results, Marines led all other branches of service (Army, Navy, Air Force and Coast Guard) in the area of riskier sex. Other activities, such as alcohol and tobacco use, were also measured. ![mental toughness skills military bootcamp army ranger school](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mental-toughness-military-basic-training.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)As reported in the [Marine Times](https://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/your-marine-corps/2018/07/31/report-one-service-leads-all-others-in-number-of-sex-partners/): “More than 24 percent of Marines reported having sex with more than one partner over the course of the data collection process, compared to 16.6 percent in the Army, 18.8 percent in the Air Force and 22.1 percent in the Navy. Devil dogs were also tops when it came to having sex with a new partner without using a condom, with more than 40 percent of Marine respondents reporting having done so. Furthermore, 22 percent of Marines reported that their most recent vaginal sex encounter was done without the woman being on any form of birth control, also the highest number compared to the other services.” Dr. Harms thinks the survey may be helpful with creating training programs around the importance of self-care. “I think this \[study\] is a powerful tool that can be used to justify the need for better education around responsible drinking behaviors and safer sex,” says Harms. “But we shouldn’t single out the Marines here. The need for this type of training should be offered to all who serve.” **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Alcohol, Binge Drinking, military, Sexual Behaviors --- ### [Saturn in Astrology, Mythology and Science](https://guycounseling.com/saturn-astrology-mythology-science/) **Published:** June 17, 2017 **Author:** Dirk Wolf **Content:** ![saturn in astrology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/saturn-341379_640.jpg?resize=640%2C396&ssl=1) ## Saturn insights Saturn is the [sixth planet](http://science.sciencemag.org/content/215/4532/504) from the sun and approximately 886 million miles from earth. In ancient alchemy, it was considered the first rung on the Ladder of the Planets. From the esoteric perspective, Saturn represents the starting on our journey from the stars. When you look in the night sky, the ringed planet looks like a distant, grayish-yellow star. It’s most easily spotted during the twilight hours at the time when the sky takes on its distinct blue color. Generally speaking, the planet reaches its peak visibility high in the northern heavens during the dead cold of winter. To give you an idea of the size of this monster, you could fit 764 earths into this gas giant! ![](https://i0.wp.com/www.universetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Saturn-RGB-3-28-14-580x580.jpg?resize=580%2C580&ssl=1)Actual picture of Saturn. Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech ## Saturn in Science Saturn also is one of the coldest planets (-288 below zero) and very slow moving. While the earth takes 1 solar calendar year to circle the sun, it takes Saturn almost 30! At this point in time, Saturn is the second largest planet in our known solar system. It’s possible Saturn could get displaced if [Planet 9](http://iopscience.iop.org/article/10.3847/1538-3881/153/1/27/meta) is discovered over the next several years. At the time of this post, we know it has 62 moons. They are considered the remnants of the planet’s greedy attempt to attract more mass with its powerful gravity. Its biggest moon is 50% larger than earth’s moon. Had Saturn been able to attract more mass, some believe it could have transformed into a star. This could have potentially given our solar system two stars. But the cosmos simply didn’t design things to turn out that way. The ancient Babylonians believed that this planet was a ghost of a dead sun and the oldest spirit in the sky. They considered this celestial body to hold “first matter” and symbolized energy’s most primitive state. Therefore, Saturn, represented by metal and led in alchemy, symbolizes the principles of contraction, structure, stability and materialism. ![Aquarius is ruled by Saturn](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/saturn-capricorn.jpg?resize=640%2C350&ssl=1)Saturn in Astrology ## Saturn in Astrology In the traditions of horoscopic astrology, Saturn is represented by two signs of the zodiac. The first is Capricorn; the tenacious mountain goat that slowly moves towards its goals to reach new heights. The goat is grounded and stable. Capricorn’s exclusive ruler, Saturn, is also thought to give the sign it’s characteristic traits. See post on [Capricorn traits to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/capricorn-man-10-key-personality-traits-you-cant-ignore/). The second zodiac sign linked to Saturn is Aquarius. Represented by the element of air, Saturn is the force that pushes mankind into a new age of thinking. Because the planet is considered to hold transformational powers, Aquarius sun sign men and women are thought to be highly intelligent. See post on [Aquarius traits to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/). ## Saturn in Mythology The symbol for Saturn is Father Time. Using a distinctive hour glass and sickle, the planet personifies the forces of age, transformation and death. Sometimes, you will see Saturn with a peg leg to demonstrate his infirmity and incompleteness. In mythology, Saturn was held prisoner by his father in a deep cave while still a child. Saturn conspired with his mother to overthrow the father and ended up using that sickle to castrate him. Ultimately, he became king and ruled just as his father did – ruthlessly. When a [deadly dream](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) was revealed to him through a prophet involving his children wanting to dethrone him, the mythological planet ate the kids as a preventative measure. One child was said to have been saved by Saturn’s mother – something Saturn would later vomit and become Jupiter. ## Saturn and Alchemy Due to its transformational potential, this  was considered the most important planet to early alchemists. They considered it the beginning and the end of “The Great Work”. Many alchemists saw the planet as responsible for change and healing. An early depiction of Saturn was the symbol Rx; something medieval alchemists wrote on paper and prescribed as a cure. Believe it or not, their patients would eat the paper with the sigil of Saturn, which the alchemists indicated was magical. Today, the sigil of Saturn (Rx) is still written on almost all prescriptions by medical doctors. It’s also a universal symbol for the modern pharmacy. **Categories:** Lore **Tags:** Alchemy, Aquarius, Astrology, Capricorn, Saturn --- ### [Science Says Some Men Become Sad after Having Sex](https://guycounseling.com/men-sad-sexual-experience-728/) **Published:** July 27, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive man i bed unhappy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/upset-man-in-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Making love doesn’t lead to happiness** ## **SHORT STORY** A new study suggests that some men experience sadness after making love to a partner. ## **LONG STORY** If you are like most guys, you probably looking forward to intimacy with your significant other. Not only does getting physical feel good, the tactile experience can also be exhilarating. That is unless you struggle with a condition called Postcoital Dysphoria (PCD). That’s a ten-dollar term used to describe feelings of irritability, sadness, and tearfulness after a sexual experience. This post sexual phenomenon may sound odd but apparently, it’s a real thing according to a newly released paper published in the [Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2018.1488326). Health experts have long known that some women struggle with this condition. But until now, little was known about how PCD effected guys. To conduct this research, investigators from the Australian Technology Network of Universities conducted an international online survey of 1,208 men. Participants spanned the globe and included people from the United States, Australia, the U.K, New Zealand, Russia and other places. ![man sad after making love and reflecting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/man-reflecting-water.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Does love making make you sad as a man? Here’s what investigators learned: 41% of the men reported some form of PCD over the course of their lifetime. Moreover, a whopping 20% indicated they had experienced PCD in just the past four weeks. Another 4% said they suffered from this condition on a regular basis. What’s equally interesting were the comments male participants made. Here are some examples, as mentioned on a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-07/quot-mlc072718.php) about the study: “I don’t want to be touched and want to be left alone” to “I feel unsatisfied, annoyed and very fidgety. All I really want is to leave and distract myself from everything I participated in”. The cause of PCD appears to be a mystery. There may be a number of factors that contribute to this phenomenon, including the shared emotional bond (or lack of one) with a partner to [problems with attraction](https://guycounseling.com/not-attracted-471/) to something physiological. The truth is we, simply don’t know. Bear in mind there are other studies that suggest positive outcomes from lovemaking experiences, including [increased memory](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-07/quot-mlc072718.php). **Do you struggle with PCD? If so, what’s your insight into what may be going on?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Love Making, PCD, research, Sadness --- ### [Prepare for Bootcamp with Parkour Exercises](https://guycounseling.com/military-bootcamp-parkour/) **Published:** July 27, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![military bootcamp](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/military-training.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Enlisting in the military? Here’s some parkour moves to help you prepare.** It’s no coincidence that the creator of parkour, Georges Hebert, also began the obstacle course training method for military initiates. That’s because parkour teaches many of the same skills that you’ll need to overcome obstacles during military service – [plus mental toughness](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/). The battlefield has greatly transformed over the years, from open fields and trenches to densely-populated urban cityscapes. The concrete jungle will prove no match for you with a few parkour-related exercises under your sleeve. If you get a chance, be sure to watch the video below with actor Taylor Lautner from the movie *Tracers* (2015). That film is all about Parkour and will give you an idea of what’s possible with these moves. OK – check it out: ## **Climbing** [Military basic training](https://www.military.com/join-armed-forces/army-boot-camp-schedule.html) teaches a number of climbing techniques. If you want to get prepared for the armed services, but you have a limited amount of time and/or money, try some basic rope climbing drills. You can climb up a length of rope using both your arms and your legs, pinching the rope between your thighs to relieve the strain on your muscles. Another climbing technique popularized by the Army involves wrapping a length of rope around the leg. Your foot acts as a clamp allowing you to ratchet your way up the rope. ## **Vaulting** Parkour teaches you how to vault over barriers with speed and fluidity. The key purpose of the various parkour vaults is to maintain momentum while running. The two-handed gate vault, for example, is used by police officers to chase down suspects. The reverse vault can be used to clear an obstacle with one hand so you can keep your weapon ready. The lazy vault allows you to use three points of contact to get over unsteady barriers. These vaulting techniques were translated into a military form by French serviceman, Georges Hebert. His vaulting methods are the same ones that you’ll learn from military drill instructors during basic training. ## **Precision Jumps** Jumping is a practical exercise that you can do just about anywhere, even in a small dorm room or apartment. Precision jumping is a parkour technique in which you leap from one stationary position to another. There are plenty of opportunities in your daily routine to condition your body with [precision jumping](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/). You can practice this drill by leaping from parking space to parking space or jumping across a guard rail to a curbside. Standing long jumps and jumping down from a higher elevation will also simulate the training situations you’ll face in the Army. ## **Quadrupedal Movement** Quadrupedal movement is a way you can engage nearly every muscle of the body while being on the go. You simply mimic the locomotion of four-legged animals, particularly cats. These feline creatures have impeccable balance and fluidity of motion. In the military, you’ll have to carry nearly fifty pounds of gear and equipment. Strengthening the core muscles of your lower back, thighs and abdomen with quadrupedal movement will give you a head start on boot camp. The quadrupedal gallop might seem awkward at first, but once you master the technique, you’ll gain strength and coordination. There is no shortcut or easy way around basic training. It’s designed to be challenging. However, parkour-related exercises will condition your body for many of the same obstacles you’ll face in military basic training. Don’t wait until Day One; start training today. **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills **Tags:** Exercise, military, Parkour, Plyometrics --- ### [What’s New with the 2019 Porsche Cayenne?](https://guycounseling.com/porsche-cayenne-2019/) **Published:** July 27, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![Porsche Cayenne 2019](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/porsche-2019-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Introduction to the new Porsche Cayenne** The 2019 Porsche Cayenne brings performance mastery to an unapologetically boxy SUV frame style. That doesn’t mean Porsche needs to make excuses for its design (which hasn’t changed much in over 10 years). Quite the contrary, the 2019 Cayenne remains an elevated sports car with speed and a sumptuous interior. There are two main model trims: the Cayenne and the Cayenne S. There’s also the Cayenne Turbo and the E-Hybrid. The 2019 Cayenne has some new exterior style cues on display, some new turbo engines, and other mechanical marvels to justify the astronomical price tag that rises with nearly every custom feature. ## **The New Exterior** The 2019 Cayenne has a longer body than the 2018 model and sits at 194 inches long. You might be excused for thinking that the new Cayenne was also much wider. The wheelbase is unchanged at 114 inches, but the front fascia has broader horizontal lines in the front grille that extend all the way across the headlight assembly. The air intakes are also larger. **More:** [What’s new with the 2019 Chevy Blazer?](https://guycounseling.com/2019-chevy-blazer/) The profile has high, broad shoulders. In the rear of the vehicle, you’ll notice that the 3D Porsche LED lights extend across the entire rear hatch with 3D elements, a design that debuted on the 2017 Porsche Panamera. Those LED lights are now standard on all Cayenne models for head lights and tail lights. There are 11 different exterior paint palettes and 17 different wheel designs to choose from. The wheel wells are staggered this year and can accommodate up to 22-inch wheels on the rear axle. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/6EF3MFRv3xbnW/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **Interior Amenities** Base model Cayennes will put most luxury vehicles to shame. The Turbo models have full panoramic glass rooftops, sweet-gum wood paneling and truffle-brown leather seats that cool and massage. You can customize the interior fabrics and paneling to nearly any configuration you’d like, but it’s hard to find fault with the Cayenne Turbo’s default offering. The interior layout of the 2019 Porsche Cayenne, almost entirely geared toward the driver, is conspicuously absent of buttons, switches, and knobs. The instrument cluster has two 7-inch TFT displays and a tachometer in the center. You can adjust the instrument cluster to show driving information, navigational maps, and infotainment controls. To the right of the steering wheel, your hand will uncontrollably want to interact with the 12.3-inch full HD touchscreen. It has acoustic and haptic feedback. It controls the newly updated Porsche Communication Management (PCM) system. The PCM allows you to retain up to six individual profile settings that cover audio, lighting and drive preferences. There’s plenty of space inside the 2019 Cayenne. The stretched body frame results in a 15-percent increase in cargo capacity and the rear seats fold flat individually to accommodate your skis and luggage. ## **Performance Mastery** Now, it’s time to look under the hood and gaze beneath the wall of acoustic glass that encases the Cayenne’s powertrain. The base model Cayenne comes with a 3.0 Liter, turbo V6 engine that achieves 340 horsepower and 332-pound-feet of torque. That’s enough to send the Cayenne from 0 to 60 mph in just under six seconds. The updated Cayenne S features a twin-turbo, 2.9-liter, V6 engine that travels at a top speed of 164 mph and produces 440 hp and 406 pound-feet of torque. The Cayenne Turbo roars to a place of dominance with a rowdy 4.4-liter, twin-turbo V8 that leaps from 0 to 60 mph in 3.9 seconds. **More:** [Is there such a thing as a manly car?](https://guycounseling.com/makes-car-manly/) It produces 550 hp and 567 pound-feet of torque. Surprisingly, it’s one of the fastest SUVs on the market. The E-Hybrid isn’t your average eco-friendly mover either. It’s still a Porsche and can move with the effectiveness of 455 horsepower. An eight-speed Tiptronic S automatic transmission with paddle shifters and all-wheel-drive manages all of the powertrains. Performance updates galore are the highlight of the new 2019 Porsche Cayenne. For starters, the 2019 Cayenne features a world-first Porsche Surface Coated Brake (PSCB) with cast-iron disks coated with a layer of tungsten-carbide. That might not mean anything to less-savvy drivers, but the bottom line is that you get reduced wear and tear while simultaneously increasing the braking performance of the vehicle. The aluminum and steel chassis has lost about 143 pounds to offset the vehicle’s size and girth with a lighter, more agile frame. Other new performance features include an available rear axle steering system and the new Sport Chrono package. Sport Chrono isn’t that new. It’s a feature from the 918 Spyder that delivers a 20-second burst of adrenaline through a driving mode button in the cabin. It automatically gives you the best performance capabilities and settings for a short period, like hitting a turbo button on a vehicle that’s already designated – a Turbo. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/1gXiBDGF3pBXy448Cq/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **Safety Features** Advanced technology is the boon of the 2019 Cayenne’s safety department. The Porsche Cayenne has a front-facing camera with infrared capabilities. It scans the road ahead and with Night Vision Assist, it can even detect pedestrians and animals before your head lights can illuminate them. That same frontal camera is used for the collision assist system which delivers visual and auditory warnings. If that’s not enough, the Cayenne can automatically apply the brakes to keep you safe. The 2019 Cayenne also has a frontal radar detector which helps to control the adaptive cruise control. It doesn’t just maintain your course and speed when activated, the ACC senses driving patterns of other vehicles to react without driver input. A combination of sensors control the lane keeping system by gathering information from your driving habits, road signs and traffic conditions to keep your vehicle in its own lane. Another advanced safety feature employs the LED head lights. The Porsche Dynamic Light System has auto high beam activation and electronically cornering lights. You can also upgrade the vehicle with a Heads-up Display that projects vital information about your vehicle and your journey directly into the driver’s field of vision. ## **Final Analysis** There’s no such thing as a slow Porsche Cayenne. Maybe that’s why the 2019 Cayenne has three hand grips for the passenger seat occupant. This performance-first vehicle refuses to settle for excellent, even in a sea of good. The 2019 Porsche Cayenne has never-before-seen, tungsten-carbide coated brakes, a lighter chassis, new turbo engines, and improved driving dynamics. The exterior design is even more aggressive than before, and the interior is forward-thinking, yet comfortable to master. Porsche engineers continue to evolve the platform and driving enthusiasts are the beneficiaries of their efforts. Now, the price can get a bit exorbitant with all the customization options that are available. If you approach the Cayenne like a kid with a Christmas catalog, then you’re sure to blow your budget. Fully equipped Cayenne Turbos can top $200,000. So, keep your wallet in check when selecting additional equipment. Otherwise, this vehicle represents the ideal marriage of sports car performance and luxury SUV versatility.  The 2019 Cayenne is not an entry-level luxury vehicle nor is it a sports car for beginners, especially not the Cayenne Turbo. All that power under the hood and all the high-tech gadgets in the cabin can get overwhelming. The best way to decide if this vehicle is right for you is to visit a dealer and ask lots of questions. Test drive as many of the new models as you can and enjoy the process of building a driving machine that’s all yours. Are you thinking about getting one? **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Auotos, Automotive, cars, Porsche --- ### [Ultrax Labs Hair Solaye Conditioner for Hair Loss: Does it Work?](https://guycounseling.com/hair-solaye-conditioner-review/) **Published:** July 27, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hair loss man mirror](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/man-hair-mirror.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Review of Ultrax Labs Hair Solaye** Are you thinking of buying Ultrax Labs Hair Solaye conditioner for hair loss? Hoping to get your hands on something that works without a prescription? If the answer is yes, join the club. You see, I’ve been experiencing gradual hair loss for the past ten years. It started when I was in my mid-thirties and as time has gone on, the problem has accelerated. Some of this is to be expected, right? The hard truth is that as most men age, they experience incremental hair loss on the top of the head and along the front hairline. Some of why this happens is a mystery. Most medical experts think it is a function of genetics – much in the same way [men go grey](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/). ## **Quick Background** At any rate, before we dive too far into this review, I need to get a few things out of the way. This will help to provide context to all that follows: 1\. I’ve been using Minoxidil (Rogaine) for over a decade. 2\. I’ve been taking [prescription propecia](https://guycounseling.com/finasteride-cancer-study/) for almost 10-years. 3\. I suffer from seborrheic dermatitis (dandruff). On that last point, seborrheic dermatitis can contribute to hair loss because it causes the sufferer to itch the scalp, thereby damaging the hair shaft. To keep things simple, think of it as a condition that contributes to alopecia. Here’s an article from [Health Line](https://www.healthline.com/health/seborrheic-dermatitis-hair-loss) that addresses this topic more. To deal with this problem, I use Neutrogena T-Gel (extra strength). I’m mentioning this because this review of Ultrax Lab’s Hair Solaye conditioner is about **the conditioning product only and not the shampoo**. ## **Does Hair Solaye Conditioner for Hair Loss Work?** Let’s move on to the essential reason you are here – to discover if Hair Solaye really works. All I can tell you is that I have been super pleased with the results. In fact, I would say that it has been transformative. I purchased the company’s product from an online retailer and have used for approximately four months. Application of the conditioner has been around five times a week. Now I’ve got to admit that I was leery at first because a lot of companies make tantalizing claims as a way of luring consumers into making a purchase. That said, I decided to throw caution to the wind and give it a whirl. On the very first use, I immediately noticed that my hair looked and felt thicker. No, I didn’t expect “instant results” on the growth front but I also wasn’t prepared for the thickening effect. Solaye’s conditioner is infused with caffeine. I am thinking this may be part of what I experienced. Who knows? At any rate, I used the product for just over four months. The result? I absolutely noticed new growth on the crown of my head. Now bear in mind it took approximately eight weeks for me to see this. By month three, it was very noticeable. In fact, my barber even said something to me when I came in for a trim. “Did you do something with your hair – it’s very thick,” he observed. **Here’s what the company says is in the bottle:** - Caffeine: an ingredient thought to encourage new hair growth and extend the life of what’s already on top. Caffeine is also thought to strengthen the hair’s root. - Eucalyptus: Scientific studies suggest leaves from this flowering tree help to promote hair growth because it fortifies the follicle’s root. - Chamomile Recutitta: Is a plant used in medicine to reduce inflammation. Some research suggests it can help calm the scalp, allowing irritated follicles to heal, thereby allowing for hair to grow. ## **How I used Hair Solaye Conditioner** Because I use Neutrogena T-Gel for my scalp problem, I only washed my hair two times a week per the directions. But 5 times a week, I used Hair Solaye’s caffeine-infused conditioning product. Application was simple. I’d place a quarter size amount in my palm, massage it into my scalp and then spread the rest gently over my head so that my hair got treated. ## **Pros** The big pro about this product: **It worked for me**. Here are some other impressions: - A little bit goes a long way. - Pleasant smell that is not overbearing - Soothes the scalp - Offers a lot of volume - The 8oz fluid bottle seems to last for three months ## **Cons** Not everything was perfect with Ultrax Labs Hair Solaye Conditioner. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the following: - There’s no pump to the bottle. This means you must squeeze it out. - Depending on where you buy the product, it comes in tight clear wrapping, making it a real pain to remove the cellophane. - The font on the bottle’s directions is difficult to read; a function of packaging I suppose. ## **So, is Ultrax Labs Hair Solaye worth the money?** All I can say is that I have been very happy with the results. With a national retail price of around $49.00, I’m not going to tell you that this product is cheap. It’s not. That said, I will say that I was willing to pay any price for something that produced results. Yes, there are other reviews online that suggest this conditioner isn’t all that great and that the hype doesn’t live up to the realities. Speaking only for myself, I can’t say this has been my experience. Have you used Ultrax Labs Hair Conditioner for Hair Loss? If so, did you have a positive experience? Feel free to share your comments below. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News **Tags:** Hair Conditioner, Hair Loss, Review --- ### [Can Drinking Too Much Alcohol Cause Body Odor Problems?](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-body-odor/) **Published:** July 25, 2018 **Author:** Brian Tomasio **Content:** ![man reflecting water because he smells](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/man-reflecting-water.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Have coworkers hinted your you have bad body odor? Have you ever had a coworker say that you smell? Do your officemates complain about your body odor? Sounds horrifying, right? Well let me tell you – it was for my client. That’s right. Not long ago, I had a 28-year old man visit me in complete distress. For the purposes of this blog post, I’ll refer to him as Bryant. Here’s a little background to help bring things into context. Bryant is a 28-year old man who and works as a data analyst for a large software company. One day while at work, he decided to leave his cubicle and go outside for lunch. “When the weather is nice, I try to walk along the riverfront,” he explained to me in an anxious voice. Apparently, when his break was over and he returned to his desk, he found a type-written note, accompanied by a miniature bottle of [men’s body wash](https://guycounseling.com/best-body-wash-men/). Pulling the crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, he handed it over to me. Here is what it said: *Bryant,* *Nobody here wants to tell you to your face, but you’ve got bad BO. Have you ever noticed people avoid you around the office? Start using this today. You smell and it’s annoying.* *-Coworkers* When I handed the letter back to him, I could see the embarrassment in his eyes. “Do you know how messed up this is? People think I stink. I’m so ashamed,” he said. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/JaS7ZfYp1CCli/giphy.gif?ssl=1) After processing some of his feelings, I wanted to know more about what may be happening. Was there a history of workplace bullying? Had he experienced discrimination? What was his insight into who may have left the letter? As we got to talking, Bryant opened up a bit and said that since taking the position a year ago, he’s never experienced problems with others. Identifying as biracial, he also said he’s never felt discriminated against at work. Halfway through our dialogue continued, he said that he’d recently [broken up with his girlfriend](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/) and that as a way of coping, he was drinking beer at night. “Sometimes, I have a few bottles before going to bed. It keeps me from picking up the phone and calling her. I know that’s probably not the best approach but I’m just being real with you.” I knew from experience that alcohol can cause [body odor](https://www.soberrecovery.com/addiction/the-truth-about-body-odor-and-alcohol-consumption/). Beer is one of them. Beer can be particularly bad. The truth is when a person drinks too much, their system has to work extra hard to push out the toxins. Most often, this happens through urination and sweat. When I asked Bryant if he was getting up on time, he replied, “Yes – but when I leave my house, I’m in such a rush that I don’t always get a chance to shower.” At the end of our session, I suggested he report the issue to his human resources department. I also encouraged him to give serious thought to his alcohol use. Fast forward to a few weeks later during a follow-up session. Bryant told me that he had stopped drinking. He also said that he made it a point to take the time to shower each morning. When I asked him about the breakup and how he was dealing, he said he’d begun to reach out to friends. The point of my sharing this with you isn’t to suggest that people who drink smell. That’s simply not true. But it is to say that when some folks develop a problem with alcohol, it can have unintended consequences. In Bryant’s case, he was using beer to medicate his emotional pain: an activity that interfered with his ability to engage in self-care (showering). Moreover, also didn’t realize the impact alcohol was having on his life. One of the ways you know you’ve got a problem with a substance is by looking at the toll it takes on your life. In Bryant’s case, he was able to quickly see the cause and effect. Will he remain sober forever? That’s hard to know. For now, his body odor issues seem to have gone away. Can you relate to Bryant’s experience? **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Alcohol, Body Odor, Drinking --- ### [I Cheated on My Girlfriend – Should I Tell Her?](https://guycounseling.com/cheated-girlfriend-confession/) **Published:** July 22, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![cheated on girlfriend](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/cheated-on-girlfriend.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **When you’ve cheated on your girlfriend and aren’t sure what to do.** *The dating guru offers answers to tough questions men want to know about love, romance, and relationships.* ## **His Question** *Dear Guru,* *I’ve been dating a girl for the last six months and things have been great. I’m deeply in love with her and think she could very well be “the one”.* *That’s why I’m so upset at myself about what happened.* *A few weeks ago, I was at an out of town business conference and ended up meeting a woman at the hotel bar. One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were in my room getting it on.* *Ever since that happened, I’ve been racked with guilt. Part of me thinks I should confess that I cheated and let fate take its course. But the other part of me is worried that she’ll immediately break up with me.* *Any advice?* *-Confused and guilty* ## THE ANSWER Hi, CG, It sounds like you are really in a bad emotional place. I am sorry to hear that – truly. As I write this response out, I know there will be some who think you are not deserving of sympathy. Please know any ugly comments that may be made are not attributed to me. That said, it’s important to acknowledge and even validate your pain because, on some level, its existence speaks to the bond you share with your partner. Now here is the thing – most of the advice available online regarding this topic is really written to grab headlines on sites with a female audience. Here at Guy Counseling, we try to offer [real answers](https://guycounseling.com/category/relationshops/dating/) to men about a variety of subjects, including the thorny issue of infidelity. I can imagine in mind’s eye what happened. You were at the hotel bar, nursing a [whiskey with a garnish](https://guycounseling.com/sour-toe-whiskey-cocktail-419/) and trying your best to not stare at the beautiful blond bombshell positioned nearby. At some point, the two of you made eye-contact; a glance just long enough to indicate both of you were interested. Moments later, you got to talking. The connection was instant and carnal. Sometime later that night, both of you found your way to your room. She removed her top. You removed your pants. The rest is history. Does this about right? Obviously, I’m just drawing a mental picture for the benefit of readers. At any rate, I can tell you with absolute certainty that you aren’t the first guy to find himself in this situation. If we are to believe the [research](https://www.trustify.info/blog/infidelity-statistics-2017), something like 35% of men and women have cheated on a business trip. That’s not an excuse for what happened. Instead, it’s simply to point out that things like this go down more often than some might think. So, the question now is what to do? Should you tell your girlfriend that you cheated on her? The answer to that question, at least from my perspective, is simply this: **It depends**. Here is why I am saying this. You never mentioned in your note if the two of you had an exclusive arrangement. I’m guessing that you do but I’ve learned over the years not to make assumptions. On the off chance that both of you are still casually dating, it may not be a smart idea to confess – well, at least not yet. Think about it for a quick second. If you do tell her that you stepped out, it will undoubtedly open a Pandora’s box of questions. I can very easily see a situation where you tell her what happened. In turn, she may respond by saying: “Well, I’ve got something to tell you too.” Follow my drift? And so, I guess what you are hearing me say is that if you aren’t monogamous, be prepared for the possibility that she has also [stepped out](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/). Are you ready to hear this news? I ask because now might be an appropriate time to start focusing on what kind of relationship you have. Once defined, however, there’s really no turning back. Are you completely sure you are ready for this type of commitment? Just food for thought as you contemplate things. Moving on – let’s assume that the two of you are exclusive or at least have an unspoken arrangement whereby exclusivity is understood. Should you tell her then? If this describes your situation, **I’m going to say yes**. This may not be the answer you want to hear. But you came here looking for guidance and so that’s what I’m offering. Here’s the number one reason you need to be honest about what happened. She’s going to find out anyway. Slap me silly and call me stupid but women have an uncanny way of knowing when a guy cheats. They may not know in real time but eventually, their intuition kicks in and they know. Trust me when I tell you that you are far better off being the bearer of bad news instead of her figuring it out. I’m not saying things won’t get ugly – they probably will. But at the very least the decibel level will be dialed down a bit if it comes directly from you. The other reason you need to tell her – and probably the most important – is because **she deserves to know**. If she’s been faithful to you and has the expectation you will do the same, she has the right to be told the news. Yes, I realize the aftermath of this disclosure is going to suck hard. And yep, there is a strong possibility that your partner is going to tell you “it’s over”. Should this be the case, you are going to have to accept this as a consequence. Again, something you may not want to hear. But I’m just being straight with you. On the flipside, it is also possible that she may have a different reaction. For example, she could say she wants some space; something that could eventually lead to a breakup. Sure, she could be completely understanding and forgive you. But let’s be real – the chances of that happening are about as good as you hitting all the numbers on the Mega-Millions Lotto. Assuming that her response is going to be angry and hurt, which is normal (anybody would be) you need to know that she may ask for details. Specifically, I’m talking about a walk-through of everything. Here’s my strong advice. Stick to the basics. No matter how much she asks you about “What she looked like” and “Was she good in bed”, **don’t reveal this information**. All it will do is cause her to feel worse and send her on a mental trip of comparisons. Suffice it to say that simply providing the essentials, like Who, What, When, and Where, are most important. In addition, do yourself a favor. **Don’t blame the alcohol.** Yes, all of us get [beer goggles](https://guycounseling.com/beer-goggles-hook-behaviors-1223/) from time to time but in this case, the worst thing you can do is say: “Hey, baby it was the whiskey!” Instead, just accept responsibility for what occurred and own it. It’s obvious you feel terrible for what happened. Make sure she knows that you are sorry and aware of your guilt. As an aside, did you use protection during that hotel rendezvous? If the answer is no or you can’t remember, be ready to test for STI’s. Even if you did put on a rubber, your girlfriend may still ask you to do this anyway. Just do it. Don’t put up a fight. CG, we could have an entire conversation about why you cheated. Moreover, we could also explore what’s missing from the relationship that caused you to step out. But you didn’t come here looking for insight into your psyche. Instead, you asked if you should tell your girlfriend you cheated. The one question I’ll leave you with is this: Was it worth it? If the answer is no, then why did you sabotage what sounds like a good thing? Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Cheating, Confession, Infidelity --- ### [Can Drinking Booze Boost Your Sperm Volume?](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-sperm-volume-722/) **Published:** July 21, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![beer booze sperm volume](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/beer.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Science News: Maybe a few drinks a week isn’t so bad? ## **SHORT VERSION** A new line of research suggests may be good for your sperm volume. ## **LONG VERSION** On this blog, we try to be somewhat balanced when it comes to alcohol use. Most of us already know that booze, at least too much of it, can have a negative impact on physical and mental health. Example: If you drink a lot, it can [worsen depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). That said, this doesn’t mean occasional drinking is a bad thing. In fact, there is some research to suggest moderate drinking has benefits. Case in point: The [Journal of Andrology](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/andr.12521) recently published a study that offers interesting news. Researchers observed 323 men over a two-year period and asked them how many drinks they downed per week. In order to better understand their drinking habits, the guys were divided into four categories. 1. Men who never drank 2. Guys who had one to three drinks per week 3. Dudes who had four to seven a week and 4. Men who had eight or more. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/sEH3lMz5hMBEc/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Here’s what investigators learned: The men who had four to seven drinks a week had **higher semen volume and count** when compared to the other groups. And according to what they are saying over at *[Men’s Health](https://www.menshealth.com/health/a22455222/drinking-alcohol-could-boost-sperm-count-fertility/)*, this means their fertility rates were higher than the other categories. Now before you get too excited, bear in mind that this study was all about self-reporting; a factoid that can’t be discounted because historically, people tend to lie about how much they drink. And to be fair, there have been other [studies](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/283359.php) to suggest that moderate alcohol use can have a negative impact. If your goal is to increase size and count, there are natural options to consider. These include getting plenty of rest and eating citrus fruits, walnuts, and fish. Still, the results of this study are interesting. Do you think alcohol is helpful or harmful to sperm count and volume? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Alcohol, Booze, Science, Sperm --- ### [What Do Dreams About Tigers Mean?](https://guycounseling.com/tigers-dreams-meaning/) **Published:** July 19, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![dreams about tigers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/tiger.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## The meaning of tigers in dreams Did you [dream](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-46210-001) about a tiger? If so, you might ponder what made such a beautiful, and possibly terrifying creature stroll into your night-time imaginings. All animals you encounter while dreaming are significant, and you can be sure a tiger that enters your subconscious mind has a message. ### **What was the tiger doing?** To interpret your dream, you first need to recall how the tiger behaved. Was it protecting cubs, chasing you, or sitting quietly next to you? Or, maybe a pack of tigers sauntered past you or one licked your face? By looking at what the tiger was doing, you can get an idea about the message your dream offered. ### **Being chased by a tiger** Tigers are ferocious, impressive animals, and you wouldn’t want [one to chase you](https://guycounseling.com/dreams-chased-hiding-mean/) unless you were playing. When a tiger runs after you in your dream, the chances are you are afraid of something fearsome in your everyday life catching up with you. You might have repressed worries trapped below consciousness that want to be released and acknowledged. Then again, you may be concerned about an action you’ve taken in the past and are afraid you will have to pay for something you’ve said or done. ### **A tiger rampaging through the house** Tigers don’t go on a rampage unless they are angry. Are you upset with someone? Or, maybe you think someone’s livid with you, and you’re worried they may be aggressive. If the house in your dream is where you live, you’ll discover whoever’s mad at you close to home. ### **Sitting with a tiger** Sedate tigers are satisfied with the situation at hand. Could it be that you have acted with courage recently and triumphed? Or, perhaps someone you admire has expressed how pleased they are with you at the moment? It’s also possible the tiger is with you in your dream as a form of protection, especially if you admire them as a species. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/R9z50rPINd5ew/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ### **Gentle contact with a tiger** If a tiger gently lays her paw on you or licks you, someone in your waking life may have decided to be your mentor or keep a kind eye on you. Alternatively, you might have aroused a powerful individual’s interest. ### **A tiger with cubs** Dreaming of a tiger with cubs can denote you have a strong urge to take care of your family. As such you feel responsible and confident you are up to the job. If you look guarded, you might imagine there’s a particular need to watch over your children or younger members of your family at present as you sense something’s wrong. ### **A pack of tigers  Lots of tigers sauntering by in a dream may mean you have many concerns in your life to manage. Tigers sleeping can denote problems are best left undisturbed. ### **A roaring tiger** A tiger roaring can suggest your animal nature rising in the form of physical prowess or anger that needs expression. You can best decipher which interpretation applies by looking at what’s going on in your life. When a tiger graces you with its presence in a dream, you are lucky since they are rare creatures. Sit quietly, shut your eyes, and remember the content of the dream if you aren’t sure which interpretation is right for you. Use your mind to ask the animal what it means. The answer may arise as words or images, or as an idea that pops into your head later. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Dream, Dream Interpretation, Dreams, Tigers --- ### [Can the Scent of Coffee Boost Your Math Skills?](https://guycounseling.com/coffee-scent-math-skills/) **Published:** July 18, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![coffee scent](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/coffee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **A new study suggests coffee scent has its perks** ## **SHORT VERSION** A new research study seems to suggest the smell of coffee helps to increase math abilities. ## **LONG VERSION** Are you a coffee lover? Do you dig the smell of your favorite brew being made early in the morning? Looking for some positive news on the benefits of java? If the answer is yes, listen up. A new line of research appearing in the *[Journal of Environmental Psychology](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272494418302615)* offers some interesting news! Investigators at Stevens Institute of Technology have found that picking up on the scent of Joe may boost a person’s math skills. The study, led by Stevens School of Business professor Adriana Madzharov found that the scent of coffee alone may help people perform better on the analytical portion of the Graduate Management Aptitude Test \[GMAT\], a computer adaptive test that many business schools require for admission. Madzharov and her associates gave a 10-question GMAT algebra test to approximately 100 undergraduate business students. They were divided into two groups. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/7qV3yswT0K8hi/giphy.gif?ssl=1) One group took the test in the presence of a coffee-like scent. The other group (control) took the same test but free of any scent. Well by golly, they discovered that the “coffee scent” group scored **significantly higher** on the test. Curious about the results, Madzharov wanted to know if an expectation of a coffee scent somehow positively influence alertness and performance? That when she decided to survey 200 people and query them about beliefs on various scents and perceptions on human performance. According to the results, most participants shared they would feel more alert and energetic in the presence of a coffee scent, versus a flower scent or no scent. But there is more: Most of the participants also felt that exposure to coffee scent would boost their performance on mental tasks. So, the bottom line is that folks seem to believe that smelling java will help them to feel more energetic and alert. **More:** [Does coffee help men in the bedroom?](https://guycounseling.com/coffee-help-men-bedroom/) Commenting on the study, Madzharov said: “Olfaction is one of our most powerful senses. Employers, architects, building developers, retail space managers and others, can use subtle scents to help shape employees’ or occupants’ experience with their environment. It’s an area of great interest and potential.” There you have it. If you are a coffee lover, you’ve got one more reason to keep roasting your favorite beans. As with most things in life, the trick is moderation. What do you think? Can the smell of java help you do better with math? **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Caffeine, Coffee --- ### [5 Tips for Overcoming Driving Fears](https://guycounseling.com/driving-fears/) **Published:** July 15, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![driving fears](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/car-driving.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Tips for working through driving fears** Fear of driving is one of the most common fears people face.  You may feel anxious about getting behind the wheel, or worry that an accident may happen while you are behind the wheel. For most people, the condition is best described as [driving anxiety](https://mro.massey.ac.nz/handle/10179/9481), which is normal and treatable. Read on to know how you can get over driving anxiety with these 5 tips. ### **1. Identify your specific fear  Knowing what is causing you to feel anxious when you think about driving can help you find the right way to deal with that anxiety. For example, if you are anxious because you think you might stall on the road and incur the ire of impatient drivers, you can concentrate on making sure that you know how to press on the clutch (if you are driving a stick shift)  and gas to avoid this scenario. Make sure that you go slowly so you can easily react and take the proper steps to stop without stalling. ### **2. Sit in the driver’s seat and turn the car on**  If taking the first step is what is causing you to be anxious, sit inside the car and turn it on. Be familiar with how it feels, how it smells and how it sounds. Being familiar with the environment inside the car can help you feel more relaxed and less anxious if and when you do drive. ![driving fears](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/car-dreams.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Do you have driving fears? ### **3. Take deep breaths** Taking deep breaths can do wonders for an anxious and tense mind. It can help take your mind off the anxiety-inducing thoughts and make you more able to concentrate on what’s in front of you. The goal is to breath mindfully. If you have never practiced mindfulness, consider [conducting a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) as a starting point. ### **4. Concentrate on the road** Concentrating on the road is crucial, especially if you are prone to anxiety while driving. Concentrating on the vehicle in front of you, pedestrians, potholes and your proximity to various obstacles on the road can help take your mind off your anxious thoughts and keeps you safe. ### **5. Face your fear** If the level of anxiety you have is not enough to be debilitating, the best thing you can do is expose yourself to your fear. Get behind the wheel and start driving. You can stick to comfortable locations to build your confidence and venture to more difficult waters once you feel more confident. Driving anxiety can be helpful because it causes you to be careful and vigilant. However, it can also become so intense that you start to avoid driving altogether or even trigger [bad car dreams](https://guycounseling.com/driving-car-dream-meaning/). If you are looking for more insight, tips, and suggestions on overcoming anxiety behind the wheel, consider picking up this book on How to Overcome Fear of Driving ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2upjPGU)). If nothing else seems to work, you may need to work with a specialist who is trained in helping people work through various forms of fear. The decision to do so may be one of the smartest you’ll ever make. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Car, cars, driving --- ### [10 Ways to Create a Zen Lifestyle for Calmer Living](https://guycounseling.com/zen-lifestyle-101/) **Published:** July 15, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![zen living](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/zen.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## ZEN LIVING TIPS Are you attracted to the idea of a [Zen lifestyle](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1960-06706-000), but imagine it’s too difficult to create? You need not eat goji berries, drink yak milk, and sit in a challenging yoga pose in a sacred place to enjoy mindful healthy living. Here’s how to adopt a way of life that increases well-being but doesn’t involve anything too radical. ## **1. Start the day early and with love** Thoughts planted early in the morning continue to grow during the day. Set your mind to meet positivity rather than musing about the potential problems your day might bring. Tell yourself you are curious to discover what the next twenty-four hours will reveal and that you intend to think, talk, and act with love. ## **2. Note insights** Many great thinkers from the past jotted insights that popped into their minds in their notebooks. Do likewise about the little life lessons you recognize as you go about your day. Putting pen to paper will consolidate the wisdom you glean in your brain and train you to recognize more of the same. ## **3. Keep a gratitude journal** Research shows people who are thankful are also happy and positive. Notice how lucky you are and your optimism and satisfaction with life will grow. Remember to write in your journal every day and spend a few moments letting the realization you are blessed just to be alive. This is particularly important if you [live with depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). ## **4. Practice mindfulness** Fill your mind with one task at a time. When you focus on the act of walking, cleaning the car, or spending time outdoors, stress will leave and be replaced by serenity. The more you practice, the easier gaining peace of mind will become each day. ## **5. De-stress in a tranquil haven** You can’t control your surroundings all the time, but you are in charge of your environment at home. Create a peaceful haven; a place you can unwind and let go of stress. It might be a corner of your yard, filled with pots of flowers and a mini waterfall, or a nook in the dining room where you burn incense and meditate as you gaze at a flickering candle flame. ![how to live a zen life](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/zen-life.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Zen life ## **6. Eat real food** Science is slowly revealing the truth about processed foods; they make you put on weight, lower your mood, and fail to offer the nourishment you need for a healthy mind and body. Make sure your diet contains plenty of real food–that means foodstuff you can identify as not having been tampered with so it no longer looks like it did in its natural form. As a result, you will function at a higher level than you would on a poor diet. Eating real food also helps to [lessen anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/). ## **7. Listen more, speak less** Be a fantastic listener and your relationships will improve. People will value your friendship and you’ll understand them better than when you are champing at the bit, waiting to have your turn while they speak. As a bonus, you’ll have enough time to think before you reply and provide wise answers. ## **8. Make peace with your inner voice** People sometimes see their inner voice as an enemy because it can be critical rather than friendly. However, the little voice in your head will be a good pal if you give it a chance. When it tells you something you don’t want to hear, it’s just showing you areas of your psyche that need work. For instance, if your inner voice says you aren’t good enough, it’s letting you know [your self-esteem is low](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). Boost your self-image and your self-talk will change. ## **9. Forgive** It takes a great deal of mental energy to hold a grudge. Doing so eats away at your well-being and can reduce your happiness and health. Let go and forgive people who upset you. When you do, you’ll be happier and free to enjoy life without resentment. ## **10. Consume good energy** As well as ensuring you eat good food, take care to consume nourishing mental fodder. All things you come into contact with from the TV programs you watch to the people you spend the most time with impact your well-being. Consider everything as energy and question whether it’s positive or negative. Will it harm or help you? Zen is about mastering your mind and taking charge of the way you think and act. Practice the suggestions mentioned and your wisdom, insights, and inner peace will flourish. If you are looking for more insight on how to live a calmer, more peaceful life, consider picking up this Zen Guide to Living available on [Amazon](https://amzn.to/2zG4G9g). **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Calm, Depression, Journal, zen --- ### [You Can Buy a Steve McQueen Rolex for a Cool $600,000](https://guycounseling.com/steve-mcqueen-rolex/) **Published:** July 14, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![steve mcqueen](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/steve-mcqueen-rolex.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) **Auction for McQueen’s Rolex in December** Are you a fan of Steve McQueen? How about Rolex watches? If the answer is yes, you can have a little bit of both. But there is one catch. You need to have up to $600,000 to spare. Yep, that’s right. According to a listing on the Phillip’s Auction website, you can buy a one of a kind Rolex Submariner watch worn by the iconic Steve McQueen this December. Here’s the backstory. Back in 2016, a wildfire outside of Los Angeles, referred to as the Sand Fire (for California’s Sand Canyon), burned intensely for almost two weeks, destroying over 40,000 acres of land and killing two. During that tragic event, eighteen buildings destroyed, one of them was the home of Loren Janes and his wife. Just so you know, Loren Janes was McQueen’s personal stuntman. **More:** [Would you spend 3 million on a Rolex?](https://guycounseling.com/3-million-rolex-315/) When he was alive, McQueen gave the Rolex to Loren as a gift. Bear in mind, this was a watch that the actor wore and more than once. Here is what is transcribed on the back of the timepiece: “TO LOREN, THE BEST DAMN STUNTMAN IN THE WORLD. STEVE” For a lot of guys, Steve McQueen has long been thought of as the Hollywood’s “King of Cool.” In his twenty-six-year career in Hollywood, he worked his way to becoming one of the highest paid actors, starring in the largest grossing [films of his era](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000537/). ![rolex submariner](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/rolex-mariner1.jpg?resize=600%2C381&ssl=1)Rolex Submariner Many think of him as the quintessential rebel – the ultimate masculine loner and the essence of the American male. With a tenacity and ferocity forged by a tumultuous childhood, each role was an opponent to be tackled head-on. On and off the screen, McQueen was characterized as a rebel, a loner, the epitome of the American male. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/BGrI3QYIns6Zi/giphy.gif?resize=626%2C307&ssl=1) As Phillips points out, his coolness was never forced or faked. He just simply was cool. The guy flew airplanes, raced cars and motorcycles, even coming in second place to Mario Andretti’s Ferrari team at the 1970 12 Hours of Sebring in a Porsche 908/02. “He needed a watch that could keep up with such a lifestyle, and he found one in the Rolex Submariner,” reports Phillips. And the site goes on to share: “A remarkable stuntman in his own right, \[Loren} Janes performed as a stunt double and served as a stunt coordinator in other notable films and television series of the twentieth century until his retirement in 2002. Loren Janes sadly passed away in 2017 due to complications from Alzheimer’s disease.” This vintage watch is thought to be from circa 1964 because of the reference 5513. The estimated auction price – at present – is between $300,000-$600,000. Will you be making a bid? Better [hurry up before Nick Jonas](https://guycounseling.com/nick-jonas-style/) snaps it up. — Photo credits: Phillips **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Jewelry, Nick Jonas, Rolex, Steve McQueen, Watch --- ### [Do Men Buy Wedding Rings Based on How a Woman Looks?](https://guycounseling.com/men-wedding-rings-study/) **Published:** July 14, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![wedding rings](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/wedding-rings.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Attractiveness influences wedding ring purchase decisions** Are you in the market for a wedding ring? Trying to figure out what other men are buying their fiancés for that special day? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Each year, over [two million](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm) couples get married in the United States, according to official data published by the government. When you take a step back, that’s a lot of people! Which brings us to what this post is all about – men and their choice of wedding rings. A recent study published in the journal [Evolutionary Psychological Science](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-018-0156-6) suggests that guys are willing to buy more expensive, showy rings when they imagine themselves with an attractive woman and will spend less if she is “average looking”. You read that correctly, a mate’s perceived beauty is apparently linked to how much people are willing to shell out on a ring. Guy Counseling spoke to Alan Tsang, a Chicago based premarital counselor for his reaction. “In some ways, I am not surprised but in other ways, I’m stunned,” says Tsang. “Engagement rings are a big deal for a lot of guys. But the decision to buy should be based on affordability and not on how someone looks.” ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/g8ASExlEuSStO/giphy.gif?resize=534%2C356&ssl=1) ## **The Research** Leading this study were Jaime Cloud and Madalyn Taylor of Western Oregon University. To conduct the experiment, they recruited 590 Americans with an average age of 30. Participants were shown a picture of a person of the opposite sex and given brief biographical information. They were asked to imagine themselves as that person’s mate and then rate their level of attractiveness. In this study, women had to pick the smallest ring they were willing to settle for offered by the target man. On the flipside, men had to choose the size of a ring they would purchase for their imaginary girlfriend. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/t4FzCqrpeFvCo/giphy.gif?resize=519%2C284&ssl=1) Here’s what they found: Men were willing to buy larger, more expensive engagement rings when they imagined themselves with a more attractive lady. And the kicker? **More:** [Mindful reflection helps reduce overspending](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-reflection-impulse-buying/) Looks also are important to women but, in when compared to men, they are more likely to select an expensive ring with a big stone when they are partnered with a less attractive man. At any rate, the findings seem to back up previous studies that showed that men use symbols of financial success to attract desirable partners. In case you are wondering, men – on average – spend around almost [six thousand dollars](https://www.creditdonkey.com/engagement-ring-statistics.html) on wedding rings, according to Credit Monkey. And luxury rings? That will set you back over $13,000 if you can believe it. So, what do you think? Would your decision to buy a wedding or engagement ring be influenced by your wife-to-be’s looks? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Engagement Rings, Jewelry, Marriage, Money, Wedding Rings --- ### [How To Look Good In A Swimsuit Without Six-Pack Abs](https://guycounseling.com/how-to-look-good-in-a-swimsuit-without-six-pack-abs/) **Published:** July 11, 2018 **Author:** Devin Jackson Randall **Content:** ![men swim trunks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/men-swimsuits.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men, Swimsuits and not having a six-pack Gentlemen, that time has come again. Summer time. This time of year brings moments where we have to brace our fears and disrobe. Then, we have to jump out into the world with only a swimsuit and a pair of sandles to cover up. But what if we’re not comfortable with that little amount of clothing? What if we just don’t feel confident because we don’t have six-pack abs or a hard set of pecs to flaunt? Well, we its time to move past that fear. If you’re looking to know just how to look good in a swimsuit without six-pack abs, look no further than the list of tips below. It should help. ## Wear The Right Swimsuit First and foremost, make sure you are wearing the right type of swimwear for your body type. Not all swimsuits were made the same and you have to buy the right pair that will make you look your best. That means, taking into account what type of body you have before you purchase your swim trunks. First off, baggy and elastic trunks are out. This is a general rule for all men. You can try it if you want, but basically all fashion experts recommend against it. Second, what’s your body type? Are you athletic, husky, or slim? Athletic shaped men have the most versatility and they can experiment with wild patterns and colors. Meanwhile, fashion experts recommend that huskier men stick to more subtle colored patterns (and never horizontal lines!). If this description fits you, you should also avoid slim fits and keep the suit’s legs loose (but again, not baggy. Loose but not baggy). Lastly, slim figured men should be mindful of length. If you’re 5’8” or shorter, make sure to buy swim shorts that stop at about the mid-thigh. If you’re taller than that, you should stick to a swimsuit that ends at just above the knee. Shop around and experiment with your swimwear, but try to stick to these guidelines. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BlGeuxNg18C/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Manscaping Another way for how to look good in a swimsuit without six-pack abs is to switch up your appearance in the hair department. Have lots of body hair on your top half? Maybe it’s time to see what you look like without it. We get it, its like the beard thing. Once you have it, you’re afraid of what you’ll look like without it. That said, its always fun to experiment with your look. **More:** [How to shave your privates for men](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) Think about when you see a freshly cut lawn. Seeing all the lines and edges and the short blades of grass is relieving. We want the same affect for your swimsuit look. This means, back hair and shoulder hair has to be trimmed down to very little or nothing at all. Meanwhile, chest hair has some leeway, but should be maintained as well. As for hair on your lower half, that can be worked on too. Your legs aren’t a big issue, so don’t be worried there. But have you ever considered your feet? Yes, your feet. Again, it’s not a big issue but remember that you’ll most likely be wearing sandals or nothing at all. Are your feet ready to be on full display? ## Tanner & Sunscreen You have to also make sure to take care of your skin. For the lighter toned men out there, consider possibly applying some tanner. Using brands like St. Tropez, Suave, or Jergens, you can have a natural-looking tan in seconds. Plus, most of these brands are found in everyday grocery stores and for cheap prices like ten bucks. And for all men, **make sure to use sunscreen!** Nothing is more embarrassing then getting burnt at the beach or the pool. Even worse, you then have to carry that around with you for the next couple of days. Also, keep in mind that this is coming from a black man when I say, **all men of all races and colors need sunscreen.** It doesn’t matter if you don’t show getting sunburnt with pink rashes like other men do, you need sunscreen. Skin cancer is a real thing and you don’t want it. Getting burnt is a real thing and you don’t want it. So, get yourself a cheap bottle of sunscreen and keep your body looking good, feeling safe, and running well. Its just that easy. ### [![Pisces Men and traits thats tand out](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-men-water.jpg?resize=560%2C343&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-men-water.jpg?ssl=1) ## Shift Your Thoughts Now, let’s step away from the outward stuff and focus more on the inner ways for how to look good in a swimsuit without six-pack abs. These next two tips are not only good for when you’re trying to rock your swim trunks but for other aspects of your life. The first is to shift your thoughts. If you stay hung up on what’s wrong in your life, or what you perceive as wrong, you’ll never get away from it. Instead, learn how to quickly pivot your mind onto other subjects. Feeling down and insecure about your body fat? Pivot. Now think about how cold the water is. “Oh hey, let’s build a sandcastle?” “I’ll talk to my friends who came to the lake with me.” Learning to shift your mind onto other subjects will help ease the burden of negative thoughts. Again, this can apply to other aspects of your life. Worrying about an internet troll bothering you? Don’t engage and move on to the next video, article, or social media post. Bothered about where your career is going? (Appropriately address if something needs to be worked on and then) shift your thoughts so you don’t hang over the doubt. Give it a try. It works. ## Fake It Going along with that idea is the age old saying of fake it till you make it. So many times in life, the most successful people are the ones who are feeling just as nervous and unsure as us but who hide it behind a confident exterior. Don’t let the world know how scared and afraid you are! Puff out your chest and smile. People already like to see things at a superficial level, so give them a positive image for them to feed off of. Eventually, you’ll start believing it to. Then, as you’ve really become more confident and in control, you can open up about your past insecurities. This is just how the world works. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BlGav45hgca/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Exercise And Healthy Eating Our last step, and we know this’ll sound contradictory, is to start exercising. No, we don’t mean start working out to have six-pack abs. We mean make changes to start living a happier and healthier life. Yes, you shouldn’t have to feel pressured to look a certain way. That said, if you continuously are feeling bad about your body, there’s an obvious way to fix that problem. While you can rock swim trunks no matter what your body type is, exercising and eating right can give you psychological, biological, and emotional boosts to help you in many aspects of life. Not just on the beach. Also keep in mind, you don’t have to dive head first into exercising. In fact, don’t. If you do that, you’ll probably end up quitting. Instead, start slow by incorporating basic things like pushups, jumping jacks, and sit-ups into your schedule. Then, slowly increase the intensity of your workout as you go. The same can be said for eating healthier. You don’t have to give up sweets or fast food, but you can start to have them less. Everything is ok with moderation, so start thinning out the amount of unhealthy food you eat and see how far you can go. ## How To Look Good In A Swimsuit Without Six-pack Abs The keys to how to look good in a swimsuit without six-pack abs is proper management of the body and confidence from the inside and out. Try the steps and tips we’ve provided above and see if you don’t notice a subtle change in your water-themed outings. **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Exercise, Fashion, health, Outdoors, Self-Esteem, Swimwear --- ### [10 Tips for Surviving a Mountain Lion Encounter](https://guycounseling.com/mountain-lion-survival/) **Published:** July 3, 2018 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![mountain lion cougar attack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/mountain-lion-cougar-attack.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What would you do if you came face to face with a mountain lion? Mountain lions, cougars, catamounts, pumas—call them what you like—are North America’s largest felines and are found in every state west of the Mississippi River with a few small populations in the eastern U.S. These powerful cats are apex predators and make their living hunting deer, elk, and moose along with smaller prey like rabbits, grouse, and wild turkey. For the most part, they want nothing to do with humans. But with the urban sprawl pressing further into natural areas, interactions between mountain lions and humans have become more frequent over the past several decades. Below, we show you what to do if you encounter a mountain lion. ## Where Humans and Cougars Collide Cougars—particularly young males—are extremely territorial and travel hundreds of miles to establish their own territories and find food. With a lack of suitable habitat, wide-roaming mountain lions often find their way into suburban areas where meals are easier to come by. A [2016 study by the California Department of Fish and Wildlife](https://www.fieldandstream.com/blogs/field-notes/study-mountain-lions-are-eating-large-number-of-pets) revealed that 52 percent of mountain lions killed through state-funded depredation had eaten domestic animals like cats and dogs based on stomach content analysis. If you live in cougar-country, it’s best to keep your pets—and their food—inside at night. Mountain lions have no natural predators beyond other members of their own species so state management agencies must rely on hunting as a tool to keep populations in check. But with increasingly stringent hunting regulations placed on cougars, it’s become easier and easier for these predators to expand their range into urban areas where they are largely unwelcome. In fact, Wikipedia’s list of cougar attacks in North America shows that many of the attacks within the last half-century have taken place within close proximity to homes, roads, state parks, and even schools. ![cougar attack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/cougar-attack.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Cougars often show their teeth as a warning sign ## Looking at the 2018 Cougar Attack in Washington Cougar-human interaction reached a tragic climax on May 19, 2018, when a pair of mountain bikers were attacked in the foothills of the Cascade mountains approximately 30 minutes outside Seattle, Washington. One of the cyclists, Isaac Sederbaum, managed to escape the attack alive, suffering serious injuries to his skull and face from the cougar’s teeth. Sadly, his biking partner, S. J. Brooks, a Seattle chapter leader of the cycling organization, [Friends on Bikes](http://friendsonbikes.com/), was killed and partially eaten by the large cat. ## Washington Cougar Attack: What Went Wrong What’s shocking about this attack is that, according to authorities, Brooks and Sederbaum did everything right when confronted by the cougar, it seemed. They stopped riding as soon as they noticed the cat was following them. They made themselves big and shouted to appear more intimidating. They even fought back, one of them swinging their bike to strike the cougar. Initially, their efforts were successful and the cougar backed off and went out of sight. But as the two were about to leave, the cougar re-appeared and immediately went for Sederbaum, at which point Brooks took off running to escape. Releasing Sederbaum from its jaws, the cat’s chase drive kicked in and it took down the fleeing Brooks. Sederbaum, reports seeing the cougar dragging Brooks into the woods as he rode away to go for help. Two miles down a logging road, Sederbaum found cell reception and called 9-1-1. He was taken to a local hospital for surgery and was released several days later. The Kings County police department responded to the call and brought in hounds to locate and euthanize the mountain lion, which was found up a tree roughly 25 yards away from the victim’s body. ## Theories on Why the Cougar Attacked The unfortunate outcome of the cougar attack in Washington boils down to something of a freak accident; experts say there was something clearly wrong with the cat. The three-year-old male cougar weighed only 102 pounds, roughly 25 to 40 pounds below the average, so it could’ve attacked out of hunger. The Washington Department of Fish & Wildlife conducted a full necropsy and enlisted a third-party lab to run a pathology test on the cougar to find out exactly what was wrong with the cat. Suspect causes of such abnormal behavior included rabies, a brain abscess, or other problems with its internal organs, Rich Beausoleil, a bear and cougar specialist with the state, told the Seattle Times. ## What to Do in a Cougar Encounter Regardless of why the cougar attacked, the fact is, such attacks are extremely rare and aren’t much of a concern for the average outdoor-enthusiast. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be prepared to act and react accordingly should you find yourself in a similar situation Sederbaum and Brooks faced. ### 1. Carry Bear Spray Keep a can of bear spray clipped to your belt or attached to a chest harness. If you’re biking, invest in a can on high quality [bear spray](https://amzn.to/2u4dL5I). This can be used as a close-range deterrent, most effective within 25 feet, so keep it within arms-reach at all times. ### 2. Hike in Groups  Make enough noise to avoid surprising a cougar. If your group is threatened, stand shoulder-to-shoulder to appear larger and more threatening. Don’t let children stray too far away from the group. ### 3. Don’t Hike After Dark Cougars can see up to six times better than humans in low-light conditions and are most active around dusk and dawn when their natural prey is on their feet and moving. ### 4. Keep a Clean Camp All food, food scraps, and trash should stay sealed in an airtight container to avoid drawing in mountain lions that might be desperate for a meal. Whatever you do, don’t bring food inside your tent. ### 5. Stay Away from Dead Animals Mountain lions kill a deer or elk every 9 to 12 days, eating what they can and stashing the rest for later. So if you turn up something dead, admire it from afar as a cat could be napping nearby. ### 6. Don’t Run As soon as you’re aware of a mountain lion, come to a complete stop and don’t make any sudden movements to avoid triggering the cat’s instinctive chase response. ### 7. Keep Your Eyes On the Cat at All Times Don’t let the cat out of your sight until you know for sure it’s safe to leave the area. ### 8. Make Yourself Big and Intimidating Your goal is to be perceived not as a prey item, but as a force to be reckoned with. Shout. Scream. Wave your arms. Throw rocks. Go crazy and don’t stop until you scare the mountain lion away. ### 9. Fight Back If a cougar does come after you, fight to the death. Cougars have been successfully driven away by people fighting back, just as Sederbaum and Brooks did initially. ### 10. Stay on Your Feet  One of a cougar’s signature moves is to sweep the legs of its prey before delivering the killing bite to the neck. Do everything you can to stay upright and fight. ## Cougar Attacks Are More Common, But Still Rare Over the past century, roughly 120 mountain lion attacks on humans have been reported across the United States and Canada, 25 of which were fatal. Compare this figure to the number of [fatal bear attacks](https://guycounseling.com/bear-attack-prevent/)—46 since the year 2000 alone—and it’s clear that fatalities caused by cougars remain extremely rare. Still, if you hike, bike, fish, or hunt anywhere mountain lions are present—from the deserts of the Southwest to the rainforests of the Pacific Northwest—there’s a chance you’ll come across one of these elusive creatures. But don’t let that stop you from getting outside and doing what you love. Instead, take this opportunity to equip yourself with the knowledge and understanding necessary to steer clear of a cougar encounter altogether and act accordingly if one does come a little too close for comfort. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Bear, Cougar, Mountain Lion, Outdoors, Survival --- ### [Does Coffee Help Men Have a Better Sex Life?](https://guycounseling.com/coffee-help-men-bedroom/) **Published:** June 28, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![coffee-men-sex-life](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/man-drinking-coffee.jpg?resize=700%2C467&ssl=1) ## **Coffee, men, and the bedroom** There is widespread belief that drinking coffee retards the sex drive and causes erectile dysfunction (ED). However, although the caffeine in coffee is a vasoconstrictor that can reduce blood flow, research conducted at the University of Texas suggests drinking two to three cups of coffee per day may help get men pumped up and ready to go. Collecting data for the [study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25919661), called “The Role of Caffeine Intake on Erectile Dysfunction in US Men,” was no small feat because 3,724 men took part. All of the men recruited for the study were age 20 or older, with a mean age of 49. The physical health and body weight of the group members varied a lot, so the data obtained can be seen as that for the average male rather than men who were super fit or in poor health. ## **How Caffeine Effects ED** The study results suggest that men who consume 171mg to 303mg of caffeine each day are 39% less likely to fall victim to ED, and that the men who drank 85mg to 175mg of caffeine per day may decrease the likelihood of ED by 42%. This led the researchers to conclude, “Caffeine intake reduced the odds of prevalent ED, especially an intake equivalent to approximately 2-3 cups of coffee per day.” **More:** [Pros and cons of caffeine for bodybuilders](https://guycounseling.com/caffeine-body-building-benefits-risks/) Although it’s not good to overdo it with caffeine, the data clearly suggests drinking a few cups of coffee per day may be an excellent pick-me-up for men struggling with ED and those who hope to avoid having this issue in the future. However, drinking coffee to alleviate ED may not work for all. Caffeine didn’t appear to make any difference to the group members with diabetes, but Dr. David Lopez, who headed the team, said this came as no surprise because diabetes is one of the “strongest risk factors” for ED. What remains unclear is why caffeine may prevent ED, but Lopez and his team have speculated it may be because caffeine initiates pharmacological effects that cause the helicine arteries in the penis to relax, along with the muscle tissue that lines the cavernosal spaces. The result of this would be an improved blood supply to the penis that would allow it to become engorged more easily and hard enough to have sex. ![coffee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/reading-coffee.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Coffee myths ## **Another Myth Dispelled** There is also a myth that drinking coffee increases the likelihood of ED because it interferes with blood glucose levels and places a strain on the adrenal gland that is sufficient to interfere with its ability to produce sex hormones. However, experts at the Mayo Clinic state only men with diabetes are likely to experience such a reaction. Interestingly, drinking coffee is believed to help prevent diabetes, and researchers in China claim to have discovered the reason. **More:** [How to make cowboy coffee with ease](https://guycounseling.com/cowboy-coffee-directions/) They have found some of the compounds in coffee prevent the accumulation of a protein linked to an increased risk of type 2 diabetes. Other studies suggest drinking four or more cups of coffee per day may lower the risk of diabetes by about 50%. ## **Coffee and ED: Some Hard Facts** There appears to be a lot of scaremongering about the relationship between coffee and ED. However, research shows drinking a moderate amount of coffee per day may help prevent the condition. Unfortunately, the same research shows the caffeine in coffee is unlikely to offer any help to diabetic men who have ED, although research conducted elsewhere reveals drinking coffee may help stop men developing diabetes in the first place. It suggests men who enjoy a few cups of coffee per day are also likely to enjoy better sex lives. So, as a pep-me-up, coffee could be hard to beat. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Caffeine, Coffee, ED --- ### [Bisexual Men at Higher Risk for Heart Disease](https://guycounseling.com/bisexual-men-heart-disease/) **Published:** June 21, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bisexual men health](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/muscualr-man-outdoors-music.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## SHORT STORY If you identify as bisexual, you may need to be more mindful of your heart health ## LONG STORY Scientific research has long since shown that men who identify as LGBT struggle with higher percentages of health problems. The large body of investigations have historically focused on mental health challenges – until now. A new study appearing in the peer-reviewed journal *[LGBT Health](https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/lgbt.2017.0220)* shows that bisexual men appear to be at higher risk for heart disease when compared to their heterosexual counterparts. The study was led by Billy Caceres, PhD, an adjunct faculty member at NYU Rory Meyers College of Nursing. He’s also a postdoctoral research fellow at Columbia University School of Nursing. **More:** [Link between heart disease and ED](https://guycounseling.com/heart-disease-study-1216/) There was a total of 7,731 of male participants who took part in this investigation between the ages of 20-59. Respondents were part of the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHNES) \[2001-2012\]. The NHNES is a nationwide survey that is used to monitor the health of Americans. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/IIisdBWR7F1yU/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Here is what happened – differences were analyzed across four groups based on their sexual identities: gay men, bisexual men, heterosexual men who have sex with men, and heterosexual men. Investigators found no observable differences in heart disease diagnoses based on sexual orientation. That said, the risk for heart disease was more complicated. According to a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-06/nyu-bmh062118.php): “Gay men, heterosexual men, and heterosexual men who have sex with men had similar heart disease risk. Gay men reported lower binge drinking compared with heterosexual men, but otherwise few differences in health behaviors were noted.” But here was the interesting part: “Bisexual men, however, had higher rates of several risk factors for heart disease relative to heterosexual men: mental distress, obesity, elevated blood pressure, and three different measures of diabetes (medication use, medical history, and average glycosylated hemoglobin level).” Caceres said the following about the findings: “Poor mental health is a recognized risk factor for the development of heart disease. Clinicians should be educated about sexual minority health and should routinely screen bisexual men for mental distress as a risk factor for heart disease. This is particularly important as healthcare organizations increasingly include sexual orientation as part of demographic questionnaires in electronic health records.” So, bottom line – if you identify as bisexual or sexually fluid, it might not hurt to talk to your healthcare provider. And don’t forget there is a [link](https://guycounseling.com/men-mental-wellness/) between mental and physical health. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Bisexual, cardio, health, Heart, Pride, wellness --- ### [How to Respond When Someone Yells at You in Anger](https://guycounseling.com/respond-yell-angry/) **Published:** June 20, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![someone yells at you](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/man-yelling.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Tips for when someone yells at you No one enjoys being yelled at by an angry person. The experience is threatening and can feel scary. The best way to respond without making things worse isn’t always obvious, and if you’re on the receiving end of someone’s [verbal aggression](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/dev.420250603), you might not know what to do. Here’s how to diffuse the situation and cope. First, though, it might help to understand why people yell. ## **Why do people yell?** People get angry and yell for several reasons. Sometimes, they don’t know how else to express their sense of helplessness. They might want control, be overwhelmed, or seek attention. When yelling is someone’s go-to method for dealing with challenges, they are unlikely to adopt a different tactic unless they must. ## **Habit** Kids who hear their parents raise their voices to gain attention often develop the same behavior. When they are adults, unless someone shows them a different way to deal with challenges or attract attention, they continue to yell. ## **Control** People may shout because they want to control someone’s behavior. They bellow to intimidate and get individuals to bend to their will. Often, they’ve learned verbal aggression leads to desired outcomes, if only in the short-term. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/KVlKluut06wMM/giphy.gif?resize=446%2C446&ssl=1) ## **Frustration** Some people yell out of frustration. They might not have the language skills to express their emotions well. They want to be understood, but don’t know how to tell people what they want or need. ## **Overwhelm** Sometimes people shout because they are easily overwhelmed by challenges. They yell when they experience emotion-overload. They might have a mental health condition, an alcohol problem, or just be highly sensitive and not have adequate coping skills. ## **How not to respond to someone who shouts** The worst way to react when someone yells at you is to join in and yell back. You might be tempted if you feel defensive or upset. Yelling back, though, will escalate the situation. [Take deep breaths](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/) and keep your cool. Remember your intention to be a port in the storm. At times, you might think it’s best to comply with someone’s demands to make them stop shouting, but this isn’t the best option. Submitting sends the message you will always react favorably when the individual yells, and they will repeat the behavior another time. ## **How to induce calm and cope** People who have lost control are irrational and can’t take in lots of details when you speak to them at the height of their anger. They will, however, notice your tone. Talk calmly using your everyday voice. It’s important to let the person yelling know you won’t have a conversation while they shout. Tell them you want to listen to them, but not until they are calm. If you feel you are in danger, since the individual could become violent, go somewhere safe rather than hanging around. It’s scary to be shouted at, but you can cope well if you stay unruffled. Use a calm tone of voice as you inform the person yelling you will have a conversation when they are composed and approachable. They will learn you don’t respond to them when they raise their voice and they must stay calm if they want to talk to you. References: Lifehack.org, Fortune.com, and Psychcentral.com. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anger, Calm, RAIN, Yelling. Mindfulness --- ### [Watching Outdoorsy Programs May Boost Body Image](https://guycounseling.com/nature-films-body-image/) **Published:** June 18, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ## ![anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/man-reflecting-outdoors.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Nature may nurture your body image issues We’ve long since known that spending time in nature can have a positive impact on mood. This is particularly true for people who struggle with problems like [anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/). But can watching nature on television or in movies offer any benefits? According to a new study appearing in the journal *[Body Image](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144518301244)*, the answer appears to be yes. That’s right, programs like Survivorman and Yellowstone might be good for you. The study was jointly conducted by researchers from Anglia Ruskin University in the UK and Perdana University in Malaysia. Participants were asked to watch two three-minute films that were created from the first-person perspective. In one of the films, a short walk was featured through Cambridge city centre. The other film shot from the banks of the River Cam in Grantchester, not far from Cambridge, England. What lead researcher Viren Swami discovered was powerful. Those who watched the urban-focused film saw no benefits to body image. However, participants who watched the nature-based film saw an immediate benefit positivity – and appreciation. ![Taurus men traits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/canoe-essentials-640x381.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Watching nature may boost your self-image Said Professor Swami in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-06/aru-npc061818.php): “There are a number of possible explanations for our results, including the idea that natural environments promote ‘soft fascination’, which is a state of cognitive quiet that fosters self-kindness and helps individuals have a more compassionate view of their body.” Swami went on to say, “Views of rivers and trees are also devoid of any reminders of materialism, and so allows the viewer respite from thoughts of consumption and image. However, more work still needs to be done to fully understand exactly how exposure to natural environments promotes improvements in body image, as well as how our findings here translate to how people view nature films outside the laboratory. For example, if we watch Springwatch \[BBC show\] on the sofa whilst at the same time checking our Twitter feed, it’s possible the natural scenes might not have the same immersive effect.” Finally, Swami added: “However, our findings suggest that there could be a straightforward and low-cost solution for promoting healthier body image, particularly for individuals who may not have easy access to real natural environments, for example if they live in a city centre or because of a lack of mobility.” Bottom line – if you happen to be a person struggling with [body image issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/), it may be a good idea to tune into something with a nature theme. According to this new study, it can’t hurt and may even be helpful. Wild Kingdom anyone? **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Body Image, Depression, research, Study --- ### [10 Ways Men Can Increase Their Mental Wellness](https://guycounseling.com/men-mental-wellness/) **Published:** June 16, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mental wellness men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/attractive-man-reflecting.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Mental Wellness is part of good health Most men think of physical fitness when health is mentioned; they don’t consider their [emotional state](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1963-06064-001). Mental well-being, however, is just as vital to health as a fit body. Your emotions influence your stress level and impact your overall condition. Note these tips for increased mental wellness to help you stay in tip-top shape. ## **1. Deal with stress in the moment** Do you withhold emotions rather than express them? People often swallow their feelings because they fear others will not accept them if they are expressive. Other’s judgments of you, though, are momentary, while stifled emotions have a negative influence on your well-being long-term. Acknowledge and express your emotions when they occur and your mental health will improve. If you don’t want to talk about how you feel, write your thoughts in a journal. As long as you bring them out in the open you are in a better place to deal with them. ## **2. Breathe deep and relax** Possibly, you already know you will relax when you take deep breaths; the idea is often mentioned in self-help books. Nonetheless, do you remember to engage in long, full breaths when you need to shift stress? The more you practice breathing exercises at the right time, the easier doing so again when you need anxiety-relief will be. ## **3. Don’t judge yourself when you’re upset** What’s the first thing you think when you’ve made a mistake? No doubt, a little voice in your head chastises you. Scolding yourself harms your well-being and adds to stress. Cultivate a compassionate inner voice. When setbacks occur, offer your spirit kindness. Speak with the loving benevolence you usually reserve for someone you love and you’ll recover fast from blunders. ## **4. Trigger a positive emotion** Do you leave happiness to chance? If so, sometimes you’ll win and at others you’ll lose. You need not rely on external events and good fortune to elevate joy. You can trigger positive emotions. Your thoughts play a huge part in how you feel. When you contemplate negative events, you are blue. The same works the other way around too. Think about a happy memory, or a place or person you love, and your system will create feel-good hormones to heighten happiness. At the same time, take ten minutes each day to raise your emotional state. Listen to uplifting music, look at beautiful art, or read inspiring literature. Dance, sing, or carry out another activity you love to make your mood positive. ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/attractive-black-man-brown-eyes.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)5. Engage in physical activity** Exercise is another way to increase happy chemicals in your system. Walk, jog, play a sport, jump on a trampoline, or visit the gym for a workout several times a week. Your body and mind will benefit from your activity and you’ll generate a momentum of positivity. Physical activity also [helps to combat depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). ## **6. Be hopeful when you’re down** Feeling blue? Everyone experiences a low mood occasionally. Some folks, though, connect with hope as a way of escaping the doldrums. Hope can’t pay your bills, mend a broken relationship, or put food on your plate. It can give you the mental energy to change direction and head toward a brighter future though. When you’re down, consider what the best outcome could be if things go your way. Focus on that outcome rather than contemplating how matters might worsen or what’s wrong with the situation. ## **7. Practice self-acceptance** Do you like yourself? Or do you imagine you are inadequate? Every time you compare yourself to people who are more successful, richer, or more popular, you send the message to your psyche you aren’t good enough and your well-being plummets. Enjoy your qualities, especially if they aren’t common. Those aspects of you other people don’t share might be what makes you special. They are what you offer the world. Recognize them as gifts. Learn to accept your appearance too, it’s the only one you’ve got and stays with you for life. It will change a little as you age, but you will always look like you. Accept everything about you because there will come a time when it’s too late to do so. You won’t live your life fully if you spend it struggling to change. ## **8. Aim for peacefulness when you’re anxious** When you are anxious, you’re in fight-or-flight mode, striving to cope. When you’re peaceful, you are calm; you have clarity and a sense of ease. Indeed, life is easier with peace of mind. Peacefulness might flow [if you meditate](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) or listen to a bird sing. It may rise in you when you play with your children or laugh with a friend. When anxious, do whatever increases serenity and your mood will change. ## **9. Communicate when you need support** There will come a time when you need help. You might need practical assistance, like a loan or someone to help you clear the gutter around your house. You may need emotional support, when you grieve or lose your job, or advice when you don’t know which way to turn or are lonely. It’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes asking for help gives other people an opportunity to open their hearts and helps them too. It also means you can develop relationships based on give and take and be helpful in return. ## **10. Be flexible and accept change** Circumstances change whether or not you want them to. They don’t always please you and may unsettle you. Accept life is full of change, though, and you won’t push against what happens and experience the [pain of resistance](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/). Recognize occasions you can’t alter and make the best of them. Look at them from all angles in case they can be useful. They might not be what you want, but that doesn’t mean they have nothing to offer. Take charge of your mental well-being and your emotional and physical health will improve. Stress makes you ill and unhappy, and when you adopt helpful habits to keep it at bay your passion for life and wellness will expand. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, wellness --- ### [Meditation for Insomniacs – A Visit To Ice Station Zebra!](https://guycounseling.com/self-hypnosis-insomnia/) **Published:** June 13, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![ice station](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/ice-station.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Use this mindful hack to get your sleep on Do you struggle with falling asleep? Are there times when you put your head on the pillow but can’t stop racing thoughts? Hoping to find a natural way to get your z’s on? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. According to the [Sleep Health Foundation](http://sleephealthfoundation.org.au/pdfs/Insomnia.pdf), one in three people have had some form of insomnia. That’s a lot of people when you think about it. ## What is Insomnia? You may have heard of this term – insomnia – but what does it really mean. In plain speak, *insomnia* can be described as a condition where a person has problems falling asleep or staying asleep. Sometimes the issue can be traced to situational factors, such as chronic pain or a looming school exam. Worries about money, a relationship or health can also contribute to the dynamic. Finally, a person’s emotional state, including various forms of [anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/), can also influence a person’s quality of sleep. Regardless of why insomnia may be happening, it’s important you speak to your medical doctor about the issue. Your physician may be able to pinpoint the root cause and prescribe remedies that help you get your z’s. Now, as a matter of full disclosure, I need to share that the idea of Ice Station Zebra is not my own. In fact, it was featured in a book I possess called *Favorite Counseling and Therapy Homework Assignments* by Dr. Howard Rosenthal ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2HPxvza)). I’m sharing with you now because for many years, clients have told me this particular “trick” helps them to fall asleep. Given the focus of Guy Counseling, I felt inspired to post a variation of this exercise here. Think of what follows as a mindful adjunct to what your health care professional is doing. Some people consider this a form of self-hypnosis (which is kind of true). Are you ready? Check it out. ![ice frozen landscape](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/ice-frozen-landscape.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Frozen landscape at Ice Station Zebra ## Ice Station Zebra The very first thing I encourage people to do before visiting Ice Station Zebra is to [conduct a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). This will allow you to step outside of your current thoughts and draw your awareness to the here and now. Once the body scan is complete, it’s time to begin. Lay down in your bed and close your eyes. Imagine opening an official letter from the government that reveals you are being assigned as the solo operator of a polar research station for one year. Your mission will be to record outside weather conditions each day in a journal. Choosing to go or not isn’t optional – it is a requirement of citizenship by law. Attached to the letter is a photograph of Ice Station Zebra. It features a large red building, surrounded by snow. This is where you will live for the next 12-months – entirely alone. There will be no contact with the outside world during your time away. This means no access to the Internet and no ability to use a smartphone. Radio communication is impossible. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Box1rDgVz0Do4/giphy.gif?ssl=1) **The letter is very clear: you must pack items that will keep you alive. Examples include:** - Food provisions in sufficient quantities - Beverages – the ice station doesn’t have running water. - Books, magazines, music, etc. - Clothing that is appropriate for extreme, sub-zero temperatures. - Medical supplies. - [Toiletries and bathroom supplies ](https://guycounseling.com/mens-grooming-kit-options/) - Blankets and sheets - Boxes that will hold your belongings The last part of the letter informs you of two important things. One: expect a semi-truck to pull up to your home a week from today. Its purpose is to transport your belongings to the airport, where everything will be shipped via air cargo to the ice station. Two: Your plane fare has already been attended to. Simply show up at the Polar Air ticket counter with your ID. **Starting right now**, you have 7-days to gather everything you’ll need. Do you have enough supplies? Will you need to visit the store? Are you stocked up on medicine? How about canned goods, bottled water, etc.? Do you have the right type of clothing or will a trip to a department store be necessary? **Remember – you are packing for an entire year.** — Here’s what you need to know. None of my clients have ever been able to fully prepare for their trip to Ice Station Zebra. And to keep it real – neither have I. That’s the whole point of this exercise.  The idea is to distract you from your worries while giving your mind something interesting to focus on. Perhaps the best part about Ice Station Zebra is that you can pick up where you last left off.  Pretty cool, don’t you think? No medications required. Enjoy! **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** hypnosis, Insomnia, Mindfulness, sleep --- ### [10 Ways To Attract Positive Energy Into Your Life](https://guycounseling.com/attract-positive-energy/) **Published:** June 12, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attract positive energy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/attract-positive-energy-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1 "attract positive energy ") ## Attracting Positive Energy Many people believe the saying “you are what you eat.” They don’t go so far, though, as to recognize you are what you think. What you think about most colors how you feel and behave. It influences your present and future and determines the way you view the past. Your thinking style also[ attracts or repels positivity](https://remedygrove.com/wellness/10-Ways-to-Cleanse-Yourself-of-Negative-Energy-Right-Now) and has a huge impact on whether you’re happy. Note these 10 tips if you want to increase positive emotions and draw positive people and events to you. ## **1. Focus on positivity** Pay attention to positivity because what you focus on grows. It rises in your mind as you hone your concentration until it’s what you see more than anything else. Your life may not be a bed of roses, but positive qualities exist. Observe them, mentally turning them over in your head until they expand and you will feel their presence. ## **2. Think about what you love** What do you love? Your family? Your dog? That special place you visit on vacation? Think about those things when you want to boost positive emotions. Let them fill your mind. Consider specific qualities about them that make you happy and let your thoughts linger on them for a few minutes at a time. ## **3. Be with positive people** There’s a good reason you feel down when you spend time with pessimistic people and happy when you’re with optimistic folks. Science explains human hearts project mood frequencies that affect people near them. You can’t avoid every individual who projects bad vibes, but you can choose to be with positive people when you get the chance. ## **4. Create a harmonious environment** Have you thought about how you’re influenced by the environment? You will soak up negativity or generate it if it surrounds you. Take charge of your personal space. Maybe you have an office or a room in your home you consider your area even if you live with other people. Or your garden might be under your control. Select a place you’re in charge of and create a peaceful, stress-free zone in which to relax. Go there at least once a day so your mind learns to associate the area with positivity and calm. ## **5. Feed your soul with positive fuel** Imagine everything around you emits a negative, neutral, or positive frequency. Such frequencies nourish or deplete your energy. Feed your body and soul with high vibrations rather than those lower on the emotional scale. Upbeat music, inspiring literature, and natural foods, for instance, instill positivity. ## **6. Fix the intention to attract positivity in your mind** Your mind is open to suggestion just before you sleep and when you wake up, so use these occasions to implant positivity. Affirmations and intentions whether listened to via an mp3 player or spoken silently in your mind can create a positive attitude. An excellent way to get started with affirmations and intentions is to [conduct a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) to increase mindfulness. ## **7. Ignore what you dislike** Train your mind to ignore aspects of life you can’t change. Other people can’t annoy or distress you, for instance, if you make their behavior unimportant to you. You have the power to take charge of your emotional state rather than allow events to control your mood. As long as you shift your attention away from things you don’t like they won’t influence how you feel. ## **8. Boost gratitude** Be thankful for things that lift your spirit or make your life easy and pleasant. The people, places, and events you enjoy fuel happiness and appreciating them will boost positivity. Include everything that delights your senses from scents you relish to sounds that soothe you since they feature prominently in your positive experiences. ## **9. Let go of resentment** Resentment builds negativity–let it go. People might annoy you and events might not always go well, but don’t dwell on them. If negative emotions like resentment arise, acknowledge them. Thank your clever mind for reminding you what you want and don’t want in life via emotion-based signals, then shift your attention. See your negativity as internal guidance and you will put it to good use rather than get upset. ## **10. Practice instant forgiveness** Another way to avoid resentment is to practice instant forgiveness. When you realize everyone does the best they can due to their level of consciousness and knowledge, you know you can’t expect more from them than they offer. Forgiving them is simple as you accept them without needing them to change. Follow the tips provided and you’ll be positive. Consequently, you’ll think, perceive, and act in positive ways. You’ll see events through positive eyes and people will change how they respond to you. Optimistic people will be drawn to you. Negative people will often change and raise their vibration in your company. Those who don’t, though, won’t worry you. References: Youtube.com, Gregg Braden, and Heartmath.org. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Body Scan, Depression, Mindfulness, Positive --- ### [Turns Out Intimacy Is Great for Improving Your Memory](https://guycounseling.com/intimacy-short-term-memory/) **Published:** June 6, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![intimacy ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Scorpio-and-Aries.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study suggests intimacy helps memory  ## SHORT VERSION A new study has been published that offers another benefit to intimacy (sex) – better short-term memory. ## LONG VERSION We often hear about the many benefits of sex but don’t always see the data backing up the claims. Thanks to a new study published in the *[Achieves of Sexual Behavior](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-018-1193-8)*, we now have something concrete to tout. In this line of research, investigators found that having sex as you age (or simple, intimate things like kissing or touching) can have a meaningful impact on your short-term memory. For this study, researchers analyzed the behaviors of 6,000 people who were age 50 and over. The medium age was 66. Part of the study included assessing each person’s quality of health, dietary intake and socioeconomic status, according to the folks at [Business Insider](http://www.businessinsider.com/sex-could-improve-memory-2018-6). > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BZxUEm7FN9S/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) Participants were also asked to fill out a questionnaire where they took part in a memory-testing task and disclosed how often they had sex. In the final analysis, the investigators picked up on an amazing correlation between short-term memory tasks and intimacy. In other words, sexy-time seemed to boost memory. Now there are a few caveats to mention before getting too excited. First, the study did reveal that the memory for all participants declined over a two-year span. Additionally, the research doesn’t offer concrete proof that intimacy improves a person’s long-term memory. **More:** [Anxiety may boost short-term memory](https://guycounseling.com/memory-boost-anxiety-261/) That said, any benefit to short-term memory linked to intimacy should be celebrated. If you have ever misplaced your car keys for example or forgotten the name of a coworker, you can see how this study is welcomed news. Investigators aren’t exactly sure why short-term memory may benefit from intimacy however, the investigators think it may have something to do with stimulating the frontal lobe. The researchers hope the findings from this study will build upon previous studies exploring intimacy and memory. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** intimacy, Memory --- ### [12 Things Happy Men Don't Do](https://guycounseling.com/12-things-happy-men-621/) **Published:** June 2, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![happy man](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/pisces-man-money.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Being happy means avoiding the following Do you want to be happier? If the answer’s yes, steer clear of these 12 things [happy](http://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/1990-12288-001.html) people don’t do, and you’ll be well on the way to achieving your aim. Avoiding them will rapidly improve your well-being and relationships. ## 1 Cheat Everyone has a need to succeed and be considered valuable, but happy individuals understand cheating isn’t the answer. People may cheat when playing board games or on their partners. Regardless, they pave the way to unhappiness. Others recognize they aren’t honorable and they never truly gain the respect they crave. ## 2. Blame Pointing the finger of blame slams shut the route to peace and places a barrier between people. Unhappy folks think not accepting responsibility for mistakes puts them in the clear. However, shifting accountability onto friends, family, and co-workers alienates them and leaves them lonely. ## 3. Lie People who fib can’t be trusted, so no one wants to build a genuine relationship with them. Even when their lies aren’t discovered, they know they are liars and feel guilty about not telling the truth. They secretly long to be admired but aren’t authentic enough to gain approval. ## 4. Gossip Gossiping can seem like a bonding experience. After all, it brings people together. Nonetheless, it doesn’t help individuals form respectful relationships built on trust. People who gossip are often sad and lonely. They fill their days with mindless tittle-tattle. They also repel others who, quite rightly, have a hunch they could be the next in line to be talked about once their backs are turned. **More:** [Real reasons women won’t date you](https://guycounseling.com/women-refuse-date-men/) ## 5. Hold a grudge Grudges are the equivalent of heavy weights around people’s necks. They hold folks down and prevent them moving on in life. When you hold resentment, you keep your painful past alive and feed it anger and sadness. It’s hard to be happy if you’re filled with bitterness. ## 6. Find fault Unlike constructive criticism, fault-finding damages relationships. Those who constantly criticize have few friends. Also, looking on the bleak side of life makes them pessimistic. Deep down, they dislike themselves and judge their faults harshly too. ## 7. Hate Hate’s a big burden to carry through life. Even when you keep it bottled inside, your heart is sealed. As a result, you can’t love freely until you let go of your pain. Happiness comes when you put more effort into forgiveness and compassion than hating. ## 8. Steal To want to steal, you have to reason you are incapable or not worthy of getting what you desire by honest means. Thieves, however skilled, often have low self-esteem. Their booty brings them short-term joy, but they aren’t happy most of the time. Occasionally people seemingly steal for other reasons, like to impress wayward peers, but low self-esteem is still at the root of the issue. ## 9. Mistrust Not trusting others brings unhappiness. If you don’t believe your close friends and family have your best interests at heart, you are suspicious of their motives, can’t relax in their company, and don’t think you are loved. Lack of trust means you fear others may hurt you. ## 10. Make comparisons Comparing yourself to others will make you unhappy. Occasionally, you might think you’re superior to those you measure yourself against. Mostly though, since such behavior stems from insecurity, you’ll judge yourself severely and come off worse. ## 11. Worry about the future Melancholy folks are anxious about the future. They second-guess what might go wrong and run through the experience of dealing badly with problems in their heads. The way they think makes them stressed and leaves little time and energy for joy. ## 12. See setbacks as failures Failure feels horrible. However, whether you fail is a matter of opinion. Your perspective colors how you view decisions that don’t procure the results you want. Happy folks see setbacks and poor choices as life lessons and use them as tools to aid self-development. Unhappy people see themselves as failures and sink into depression when their plans go awry. Do any of these behaviors sound familiar? Most people practice a few. You can become happier by holding the intention to change and repeating the behaviors you prefer until they turn into habits. If, for instance, you are critical of yourself or others, stay alert so you recognize the urge to pick fault. Then take a deep breath and let the idea go. With time, your efforts will forge fresh behavior patterns that aid happiness. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Anxiety, Cheat, Cheating, Depression, happiness, Happy, joy --- ### [Resistance Training Can Help Fight Depression](https://guycounseling.com/resistance-training-depression/) **Published:** May 27, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![weightlifting depression](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-weightlifting-weights.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) **Study shows resistance training can help combat depression** ## SHORT STORY For years, health experts have recommended exercise to help minimize the effects of depression. But the advice has always been somewhat ambigous. Now, a new study suggests resistance training is the way forward. ## LONG STORY If you have ever [struggled with depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/), you’ve probably been told by your doctor (or someone close) that exercise is a great way to feel better. Missing from the equation is *what* type of exercise to do? For example, should you take up jogging or start skipping rope? Well, according to a new study appearing in [JAMA Psychiatry](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/article-abstract/2680311?redirect=true), the answer to that question appears to be resistance training. In other words – start lifting weights. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/XI7zX75GGNW5k6DejV/giphy.gif?ssl=1) For this study, investigators assessed 33 past studies totaling 1877 participants. Using a meta-analysis, they found that people who regularly hit the weights experienced a powerful anti-depressant effect; offering similar mood improvement benefits as going out on a run. Now what’s important to know is you don’t have to be a [bodybuilder](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/07/treat-depression-naturally-with-strength-training/) to receive a boost in mood. Instead, simple resistance training on a regular basis may be all that’s needed. We’re talking about moderate strength training – like a few days a week. Additionally, it appears weight training may offer the most benefits to folks who have a mild to moderate type of depression. Moreover, muscle growth doesn’t have to occur in order to feel better. In other words, resistance training provided a natural form of relief to participants – regardless of gains. The findings of this study are extremely important because on average, something like 10% of men in the United States struggle with depression. Worse – guys typically aren’t the best when it comes to talking about emotions. So, for what it is worth – resistance training may offer a natural way to ameliorate symptoms. Obviously, it is important to talk to your doctor first before beginning any strenuous physical activities – particularly if you have a pre-existing health condition. That said, curling iron may be a great way to deal with the blues. **Do you lift weights to help push back against depression? If so, has this been effective?** **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Anxiety, bodybuilding, Depression, Weights --- ### [Can Family Alcoholism Make You More Likely To Drink?](https://guycounseling.com/family-alcoholism-drink-study/) **Published:** May 23, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![alcohol beer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/alcohol.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) **Your brain may be primed to drink according to research** ## **SHORT STORY** If you have a family history of alcoholism, your brain may be conditioned to desire a drink. ## **LONG STORY** Have you ever wondered if alcoholism runs in families? If your parents or grandparents had a drinking problem, are you more likely to develop one too? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. One of the primary reasons people seek out counseling is to help them better understand their relationship with a substance. That’s why a new study published [Biological Psychiatry](https://www.journals.elsevier.com/biological-psychiatry-cognitive-neuroscience-and-neuroimaging) is so fascinating. According to the research, people who have a family history of alcoholism experience a surge of dopamine into their system in anticipation of a drink. Translation – your brain may be biochemically conditioned to experience alcohol as a reward. Study author Lawrence Kegeles, MD, PhD, of Columbia University, said the following about the study in a press release: “This exaggerated reward center stimulation by expectation of alcohol may put the \[individuals with family history\] at greater risk of alcohol use disorder, and could be a risk factor in itself.” This research study examined people at risk for alcohol use disorder (AUD). The breakdown was as follows: - 34 healthy participants with no family history of AUD - 16 healthy participants with a family history AUD - 15 participants diagnosed with AUD All of the participants underwent brain scans after receiving either an alcohol drink–a cocktail of vodka, tonic, and cranberry–or a placebo drink without the vodka. Participants were not told the order in which they would receive the drinks. That said, if they received the placebo drink first they were cued into expecting the alcohol drink next. What researchers found was that the participants who had a family history of alcohol abuse (FHP) “Had a much more pronounced response to the placebo drink than the other groups, indicating that expectation of alcohol caused the FHP group to release more reward center dopamine,” according to Dr. Kegeles. **More:** [How sobriety changed my life](https://guycounseling.com/drugs-alcohol-quitting-benefits/) This finding is significant because the release of dopamine into the reward center of the brain is thought to reinforce drinking behaviors and possibly contribute to risk of AUD. Cameron Carter, MD, Editor of Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging shared the following about the study: “This research finding exemplifies how advances in imaging brain chemistry using PET scanning can provide new insights into how differences in brain function in people with a family history of alcoholism can explain their own potential for addiction.” So, there you have it. This study seems to support the notion of alcoholism running in families and provides a biochemical and neurological cause to boot. Does alcoholism run in your family? Do you think you are more likely to drink because of this? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Alcohol, Alcoholism --- ### [Good News For Men Who Take Finasteride To Slow Balding](https://guycounseling.com/finasteride-cancer-study/) **Published:** May 20, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![finasteride](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/hair-loss.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Drug for hair loss doesn’t seem to put you at risk for cancer ## QUICK STORY A new study suggests you don’t have to worry about risking cancer by taking finasteride. ## LONG STORY If you are like a lot of men who have a receding hairline, you probably are taking finasteride (brand name is Propecia) to slow down balding. If truth be told, I’ve been on this drug for the past 10-years. But here is the thing – for some time now, there have been hints that taking finasteride places men at risk for the development of prostate cancer. But is that really true? A 2013 report published by the National Cancer Institute suggests the answer is no. In fact, that same [report](https://www.cancer.gov/types/prostate/research/finasteride-reduces-low-grade) indicates that taking finasteride can actually lower a person’s risk for developing prostate cancer. Now, a new study has been released by that claims to be definitive in nature, clearly stating that “Finasteride, a common hormone-blocking drug, reduces mens’ risk of getting prostate cancer without increasing their risk of dying from the disease.” The conclusions have been published in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-05/s-fdn051518.php) on Eureka Alert. According to the announcement, the principal investigator, Dr. Ian Thompson Jr with SWOG Prostate Cancer Prevention Trial (PCPT) will reveal the findings of the 25-year study at the Journal of Urology Lecture at the 2018 Annual American Urological Association Meeting in San Francisco. Says Thompson: “What we can now say is that finasteride not only significantly reduces a man’s risk of prostate cancer, it is safe to use based on very long-term follow-up in our study. In PCPT, we found no increased risk of prostate cancer death in men who took finasteride compared with men who did not.” He goes on to state: “These results are transformational. Prostate cancer is the most common cancer diagnosed in American men, and we have found an inexpensive, effective drug that can prevent it. I’m pleased to report that we’ve answered the questions and closed the book.” The PCPT study was conducted from 1993-1997 and involved 18,882 men in a randomized trial. In 2003, investigators discovered that taking the medication reduced prostate cancer risk by as much as 25%. **More:** [Grey hair in men and options](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/) But the same study also showed that finasteride produced a small increase in the number of high-grade prostate cancers; which the press release calls a “negative finding” that resulted in a warning labels being posted on prescription bottles. But subsequent research, according to the press release, seems to show that there is “no statistically significant increased risk of prostate cancer death with finasteride.” Obviously, talk to your doctor if you are on this medication and have any concerns. If you are thinking about taking finasteride for hair loss, you still will want to talk to your doctor as a prescription is required. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Balding, Finasteride, Grey Hair, Hair --- ### [Do Dads Who Exercise Have Smarter Kids?](https://guycounseling.com/dads-exercise-smarter-kids/) **Published:** May 16, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/chris-hemsworth.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending news: Study suggests dads who exercise may help boost the intelligence of their offspring ## SUPER QUICK STORY If you are planning on having kids, upping your exercise routine may be a smart move – for your children. ## LONG STORY If you are like most couples planning on having a child, you want your little one to have every possible advantage. This means introducing them to words early, exposing them to music, and even enrolling them in pre-school. Shoot, some parents even show their kiddies flashcards containing times tables with the goal of stimulating deductive reasoning. But is there anything that can be done pre-conception that can help boost the intelligence of a baby-to-be? According to a new study appearing in the peer reviewed journal *[Cell Reports](https://www.cell.com/cell-reports/fulltext/S2211-1247(18)30404-2)*  – the answer appears to be yes. Specifically, it might be helpful if dads start exercising before impregnating their mates because it may positively influence new-born intelligence. “Exercise changes the brains and sperm of male animals in ways that later affect the brains and thinking skills of their offspring,” according to information appearing about the study in the [NYT](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/09/well/move/do-fathers-who-exercise-have-smarter-babies.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur). ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/R2s69ZdZjx4I0/giphy.gif?resize=554%2C231&ssl=1) This line of research involved a group of mice (all genetic twins) who were raised sedentary. Once they reached adulthood, half of them were put placed in cages that had running wheels, games, and various toys – all designed to stimulate cognitive functioning and their bodies. After 10 weeks, the researchers conducted an assessment and discovered that the mice who had been exercising made stronger neuronal connections – and had better cognitive functioning – than the mice who had been sedentary. **More:** [Why men get grey hair](https://guycounseling.com/grey-hair-men-guide/) But the real news happened at the conclusion of that study. That’s when investigators realized that the offspring of the stimulated mice also learned faster and had stronger memories than the mice with parents that had been inactive. Bear in mind that all of the mice grew up in the same environment. So, the takeaway is simple. Males who exercise before making babies may give their kids a real boost in the smarts department. Think of this the next time you want to blow off your workout. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Exercise, Intelligence, research, Science --- ### [What’s The Link Between Your Body Clock and Mood?](https://guycounseling.com/body-clock-mood-515/) **Published:** May 15, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Millennials](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/young-man-stressed.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **SHORT STORY** According to a new study, if your internal body clock is regularly disrupted, it can seriously mess with your mood. ## **LONG STORY** We often hear the term “body clock” but what does it really mean? Moreover, is there a relationship between a person’s internal clock and their emotional health? Here’s a quick answer to both questions. Your body clock, also known as [circadian rhythm](https://www.nigms.nih.gov/education/pages/Factsheet_CircadianRhythms.aspx), is what controls the physical, emotional, and behavioral changes that that go on within your system throughout the day. Think of it like a routine. If you normally go to bed at 10 pm and wakeup at 6 am, your body clock will begin to adapt to that schedule. It’s why you might start getting sleepy around 9 pm and why you may wake up naturally just before dawn. Make sense? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/xT9KVBrK92mLCTDsys/giphy.gif?ssl=1) According to a new study appearing in *The Lancet Psychiatry*, disrupting the regular cycle of your body clock may be bad for your mood. The research, which had over 91,000 participants, concludes that interruptions to circadian rhythm can lead to a person being more vulnerable to [severe depression](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/) and bipolar disorder. In a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-05/tl-tlp051418.php), lead author Dr. Laura Lyall from the University of Glasgow in the UK shared the following: “Our findings indicate an association between altered daily circadian rhythms and mood disorders and wellbeing.” Your body clock governs basic physiological and behavioral functions that range from body temperature to eating habits.  It is your brain’s internal time-keeping system and it anticipates environmental changes as adjustments are needed throughout the day. For example – if you have a bowel movement around the same time each morning, your body clock is probably the reason why. The same holds true if you work out and notice your energy levels are higher in the late afternoon. So, is there anything that can be extrapolated from this study? While the research doesn’t come right out and say it, the results seem to suggest that humans need to have a daily routine to aid in homeostasis. Disrupting that routine, such as not getting enough sleep and not keeping to a schedule, is terrible for your emotional health. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Body Clock. Depression, Mood --- ### [15 Questions To Ask When Looking For A Roommate](https://guycounseling.com/15-questions-to-ask-when-looking-for-a-roommate/) **Published:** May 13, 2018 **Author:** Devin Jackson Randall **Content:** ## [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/joey-and-chandler.jpg?resize=684%2C428&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/joey-and-chandler.jpg?ssl=1) ## Quick Version The key to finding the perfect roommate is communication. Ask questions before he moves in and you’ll know what you’re getting yourself into. ## Long Version Do you find yourself needing a new roommate? Maybe your old one moved out? Maybe, you’re not doing so well financially, and you need the help. Maybe, you’ve never had one, and you want to experience living with someone. Of course, there are plenty of resources available to find people willing to move in with you. From websites like Craigslist to Facebook groups to word of mouth through friends. The real trick though is figuring out if a potential roommate is the right one for you. To do so, you’ve got to ask questions. Yes, you don’t want to come off as neurotic to potential roommates, but you also don’t want to have a problem come up a few months down the line. To help you out, we’ve written up a list of some very important questions and topics to ask when looking for a roommate. ### How Long Will They Live With You? An important question to ask when you’re meeting potential roommates is how long they plan to live with you. Some people look for apartments or homes with a specific timeline in mind. They may think, “I’ll live here for 3 years and then move on to something else.” Some may just want a place to sleep in for the next year until moving for a job, a relationship, grad school, or whatever else. Or, there are people who are just going with the flow and don’t know how long they’d like to stay. As the person looking for a roommate, you have to ask this question, so that you’re not in trouble if the person you pick decides to dip out. ### Any Pets? [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/dog-james-barker-560319-unsplash.jpg?resize=684%2C456&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/dog-james-barker-560319-unsplash.jpg?ssl=1) Another important question is ask is if your potential roommate has any pets. The place that you’re living in, or looking to live in, may have a specific policy on pets. Maybe no pets are allowed, maybe only one pet is allowed, and maybe specific animals aren’t allowed. It’s a good thing to ask potential roommates if they have pets based off of these rules. On top of that, a roommate having a pet can tell you bit about the roommate. And, you can talk about how the roommate will take care of the pet if you two move in together. Best case scenario, you not only have a new roommate but a new animal friend as well. ### Cleaning Habits? On that note, it’s important to figure out where you two stand concerning cleaning. If you’re the type who hates a mess, you might find a roommate who never cleans the dishes to be a problem. Conversely, people who like to be relaxed with cleaning don’t want to live with someone who’ll annoy them about cleaning all the time. This isn’t to say that cleaning habits are non-negotiable, but it’s better to know what you’re getting yourself into before your sign the dotted line. ### Meals? The next couple of questions are more based on building a healthy living environment. First, how do you want to handle food in the house? Some households have a community atmosphere when it comes to food. This not only means that snacks in the cabinets are up for grabs, but it could also mean joint dining. So, you’ve got to ask yourself if you want to share food and meals, or just have a “feed yourself” mentality. ### Common Interests? On top of that, a roommate situation is better when you actually like your roommate. Of course, you don’t have to be best friends, but generally liking your roommate is nice. To help build a relationship between you and your potential roommate, ask questions about hobbies and interests. If you can find some kind of common ground like watching sports or enjoying rock music, you could be on your way to not only gaining a roommate, but a friend. ### Mutual Friends? [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/new-girl-roommates.jpg?resize=725%2C502&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/new-girl-roommates.jpg?ssl=1) Speaking of friends, that’s an easy way to approach a new roommate. Not only can you find potential roommates by asking friends, but you can also bond with your roommate over said friends. Don’t think you two know anyone? There’s no hurt in asking. Or, you could possibly see if you have mutual Facebook friends. If Tinder can do it, so can you. ### Guests? Now, there’s also the idea of friends coming over your house/apartment. You have to ask your potential roommate about where they stand concerning guests coming over. Are you an introvert and they’re an extrovert? Is it the other way around? You don’t want to make your roommate feel uncomfortable (or vice versa) by having people over all the time. Talk to your roommate (potential or committed), and set some ground rules about when guests and who can come over your place. ### Parties? Escalating from there, are you party animal? Will you have multiple friends over at times? Do you like to cook for people or host game days? That can be cool, but let your roommate know ahead of time and ask them before they move in. Having a party animal roommate when you’d rather live in a quiet environment is an easy recipe for a very complicated living situation. So, make it easier on yourself and ask first. ### Girlfriends/Boyfriends? [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/couple-under-blanket.jpg?resize=745%2C497&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/couple-under-blanket.jpg?ssl=1) This note is a little similar to the last two, but can be slightly trickier. Everyone has the right to fall in love and it’s a wonderful thing when they do. That said, that third person will instantly change the rooming situation. If things get serious, you might end up with an unofficial second roommate. Ask ahead of time if the person you’re considering living with is dating someone. Also, ask how you want the living situation to work before any future romances. Is it ok for a girlfriend/boyfriend to sleep over? Is it ok for a random hookup to stay over? Ask not only your roommate these questions, but also yourself. ### Any Allergies? This is a minor note but something to remember. Ask about allergies. This isn’t so much about preventing roommate issues, but more about being courteous. What if your roommate is allergic to peanut butter? What if they have seasonal allergies or pet allergies? You’re not only being a good roommate by asking and adjusting to help out with these allergies, but your just generally being a good person. ### Smoking Habits? On top of that, does your potential roommate smoke (or vice versa)? This can be a problem for some people. For instance, would you like no smoking in the house? Are you ok with smoking in the house as long as a window’s open? Ask these questions ahead of time to prevent any fights later. ### Drug/Alcohol Use? The same goes for drug or alcohol use. Maybe your roommate doesn’t drink but is ok with beer in the fridge. Maybe you don’t want any type of drugs (weed, shrooms, party pills, or whatever else) in the house. Talk about this now to weed out the bad roommate matches. ### Sleeping Habits? [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/sleeping-adi-goldstein-339959-unsplash.jpg?resize=658%2C440&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/sleeping-adi-goldstein-339959-unsplash.jpg?ssl=1) This is another minor issue, but it might help to know. Is your roommate a morning person or a night person? Having a roommate who’s up at different times than you could be interesting. An odd pair situation, you know? That said, it could also get annoying if you like to be asleep by ten, and your roommate’s banging around until 2 am. Of course, common curtesy plays an important role in this issue, but knowing information like this ahead of time is always helpful. ### Work Situation? The same goes for work situations. For instance, what if you work at home and have a home office. You don’t want your roommate messing with your stuff and potentially ruining a tax break. Or, maybe your potential roommate works irregular hours and you work a solid 9-to-5. Sure, you’ll be roommates, but will you ever see each other? Does it matter? Ask and find out. ### Financial Maturity? Lastly, and possibly most importantly, make sure your roommate can handle rent/mortgage and utilities. You don’t want to end up having to pay more than your share because your roommate made some bad financial decisions. Ultimately, you’re looking for someone to split the bills with you as well as share space. If the person can’t pay those bills, then you need to look for someone else. [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/apartment-livingroom.jpg?resize=688%2C459&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/apartment-livingroom.jpg?ssl=1)Photo by David Hellmann on Unsplash ## 15 Questions To Ask When Looking For A Roommate Finding and picking a roommate is a big decision. Whenever you make big decisions, you should be as informed as possible. And how do you gain information when looking for the perfect roommate? You ask questions. If you ask these 15 questions and topics when looking for a roommate, we’re sure you’ll be on the way to finding one perfect for you and your home. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Friends, Roommates --- ### [5 Ways To Help Your Aging Parents With Housekeeping Tasks](https://guycounseling.com/aging-parents-housekeeping/) **Published:** May 10, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/aging-parents.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Housekeeping tasks and your aging parents As your mom and dad age, housekeeping tasks may become more of a challenge. Certain factors such as vision problems, side effects from medications, chronic pain, and certain medical conditions may limit your loved one’s ability to clean the house. Here are five ways you can help your aging parent maintain a tidy home: ## **1. Cleaning Tool Extensions** Older adults may lack the mobility or range of motion to reach up in order to dust high shelves or ceiling fans. Supplying your aging parent with feather dusters with telescopic handles or extensions can help minimize overreaching so that the individual can dust more comfortably, while lowering the risk for muscle strains or falling. Extension tools are excellent alternatives to step ladders, which may make the person feel unstable or unsteady while doing housekeeping chores. ## **2. Self-Propelled Vacuum** A self-propelled, battery operated, or robotic [vacuum cleaner](https://amzn.to/2KTI72I) will help your senior loved one enjoy clean floors without having to lift a finger. These types of vacuum cleaners are “set it and forget it,” appliances and while they may not do the job perfectly, they work well in getting rid of dust and pet hair on hard floors and carpeted areas. ## **3. Microfiber Cleaning Cloths** Instead of exposing your elderly loved one to harsh cleaning chemicals when dusting, buy him or her a few microfiber cleaning clothes. Microfiber grabs dust and dirt, which helps to make cleaning glass tables, mirrors, and wood furniture almost effortless. People with respiratory disorders may be unable to tolerate the fumes from glass cleaners or wood furniture polishes, and with microfiber cloths, they are not necessary. Microfiber cloths can be purchased at home improvement centers, hardware stores, and even some grocery stores. They can be rinsed out or washed in the machine and can be used over and over again. ## **4. Self-Cleaning Toilet Bowl Cleansers** Cleaning the toilet bowl is an unpleasant job and requires bending over or stooping. Self-cleaning tablets that stick or hang into the toilet bowl work well in eliminating rust and other stains from the porcelain bowl. These products also help sanitize and get rid of odors. Self-cleaning toilet bowl cleaners eliminate scrubbing with a toilet brush and are more sanitary. Toilet brushes are a breeding ground for bacteria, and if your loved one accidentally touches the contaminated brush, they can get sick, especially if they have a pre-existing condition or a compromised immune system. ## **5. Teamwork** While supplying your parent with cleaning tools to help ease the burden of housekeeping can be a great help, teaming up with your loved one can be an even greater help. If your parent is physically and cognitively able to perform housekeeping tasks, offering a helping hand will be much appreciated. Working as a team will get the work done faster and may also provide social interaction and bonding for seniors who are lonely. ## **You May Need To Get Outside Help** If none of the aforementioned interventions are viable options, consider relying on the services of a home health or housekeeping company to do the cleaning. Their services include light housekeeping, laundry services, meal preparation, and even heavy-duty tasks such as cleaning the carpets, moving furniture, and making household repairs. You can schedule housekeeping visits on a weekly or monthly basis, depending on the needs of your parent. By helping to lighten the load of your elderly parent’s housekeeping tasks, he or she will gain a sense of self-confidence, more independence, and pride. Cleaning the house will also help the individual stay active through moderate activity and may also have a positive effect on the mood, while helping to lower blood pressure and stabilizing blood sugar levels. Even mild spurts of exercise during housecleaning can have favorable effects on the hypertensive or diabetic patient. Before allowing your parent to take on housekeeping tasks, check with the physician to make sure that the person is healthy enough to perform the duties. If you need more tips, consider picking up a copy of the book: [How to Care for Aging Parents](https://amzn.to/2ryB4Uf). You’ll find lots of practical tips on a variety of issues. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Aging, caretaking, parents --- ### [15 Tips for Dads Coaching Kids Team Sports](https://guycounseling.com/kids-coaching-team-sports/) **Published:** May 10, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![coaching kids team sports](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/kids-team-sports.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Coaching a kids team? Check these hacks out. Are you thinking about volunteering to coach your child’s sports team? Coaching kids’ recreational sports can be a fun and rewarding experience that brings you and your child closer. However, being a coach isn’t always easy. Here are 15 tips to keep in mind if you want to coach kids’ sports. ### **1. Make your expectations for parents clear.** When a child joins a team, the parents are ultimately responsible for what happens next. Parents must be committed to getting the child to practice and games as well as taking on any other necessary roles. Before the season starts, put your expectations in writing. Announce times and locations for all practices and games if possible. Clearly state that you expect parents to behave responsibly toward you, other coaches, refs and players. Let them know that you will not accept negative language or actions. Give all of your contact information and let parents know how and when to contact you if necessary. ### **2. Find something to like about each player.** You are going to enjoy some kids more than others. There may be one or two that you find it very hard to enjoy. Do it anyway. These are your players, and they are children. The kids who are hardest to handle may be those who need your encouragement the most. Make it a priority to smile and say hello to the kids as they arrive. Use their names, and at least act like you are glad to see them. ### **3. Plan your practices.** Have a schedule for each practice. Designate times for warm-ups, drills, games and scrimmages. You can always change the schedule as needed, but it’s important to have a framework. Search the internet or talk to other coaches about games you can use to teach kids’ skills, and incorporate something fun into every practice. ### **4. Command respect***.* Establish an environment of respect at the very first practice. Let the kids know that you expect them to respect you and lay down some rules. For example, you might tell them that every time you blow the whistle you expect them to stop what they are doing and give you their immediate attention. Then practice that several times and enforce the rule. Playing on a recreational team is fun, but no one is going to have a good time without some structure. The rules should be that they not only have to respect you, but each other as well. And then be sure to treat them the same way. ### **5. Teach skills with positive reinforcement.** Teaching beginning sports skills should always be an upbeat, positive experience. Encourage kids, even when they don’t play well. Reward them for trying and be patient as you make corrections. **More:** [Inner confidence vs. outer confidence](https://guycounseling.com/inner-game-beats-body-language/) Asking a child to do the same thing for the fortieth time can be frustrating but don’t show it. Negative reinforcement shouldn’t be used in teaching skills, only when confronting serious discipline problems. ### **6. Listen to your players.** Kids are always going to have ideas and suggestions, and many times they are going to be ridiculous. However, you should show them the courtesy of listening to what they have to say. When you can implement their ideas, make every effort to do it. It will build their self-esteem and help them feel like an important part of the team. ### **7. Teach kids to encourage each other.** Remind the kids that they are on a team and that working together is important. Teach them to encourage, rather than criticize, each other. Don’t make comparisons or set up rivalries so kids will work harder to be better than someone else. That diminishes the team. Require kids who are on the bench to pay attention to the game and shout support to their teammates. ### **8. Keep instructions simple.** Kids learning a new game aren’t ready for complicated plays or strategy. Focus on the basic skills of the sport. Teach kids broad skills like kicking toward the goal or always throwing to first base. They shouldn’t be making strategic decisions but rather learning the fundamentals. When you think they can handle it, try presenting one or two simple plays. ### **9. Model respect for the refs.** Teach kids to respect the refs at a game by respecting them yourself. Don’t argue about calls, tell the kids that you think the ref is biased or call the ref names when the kids can hear you. Your example is not only for the children, but for the parents as well. Never forget that you set the tone for the team. ### **10. Play everyone.** Everyone wants to win, and it’s tempting to concentrate on your best players. But in recreational sports, everyone should have equal playing time and get to try every position. This means that a player who is terrific in one role should be encouraged, or required, to try other positions as well. Be very aware of who plays and write down a schedule if possible. If you accidentally leave a player out, that child’s parents are likely to notice. Don’t give more attention to kids whose parents are [helping you coach](ps://amzn.to/2jLYz8A) and be careful not to forget the child whose parents don’t show up at games or practice. That child might benefit from your attention the most. ### **11. Don’t allow bullying.** Make sure that your team is a safe environment for every child. Being picked on does not help children develop in positive ways. Don’t allow players to say demeaning or abusive things to each other, and don’t turn a blind eye to bullying behavior whether it is physical or verbal. Address it immediately, make it clear that you will not allow it and get parents involved if necessary. ### **12. Avoid letting kids make the rules.** While you should listen to and respect your players, you are the coach. You are the one who decides which positions kids play, what happens at practice and when it’s time to work instead of goofing around. Your players are probably going to nag you for particular positions and activities. Resist the urge to let them make the decisions. When you make a concession, the problem only gets bigger. Many coaches find it best to let kids know that if they ask for something, the answer will be no. ### **13. Teach good sportsmanship.** You may dislike the coach on the other team. You may think the other team is full of cheaters and liars. Don’t express these thoughts to your players. Always teach kids to treat the other team with dignity and respect, no matter how badly the other team is treating them. Don’t allow your players to say hateful things to or about another team. Instead, put the focus on supporting each other. ### **14. Don’t take criticism personally.** As a coach, you aren’t going to please everyone. There will always be kids who think you are mean for enforcing the rules, and there will always be parents who think their kids aren’t getting enough playing time. Not everyone is going to agree with your approach or your rules. When you hear negative feedback about your coaching, consider whether or not it could be valid. Some criticism may not be worth fighting over. For example, maybe you don’t mind sugary snacks at games, but many of the moms would prefer something more nutritious. It may be a good idea to address their concerns by asking snack moms to select only from a list of healthy options. Be open to change if it makes sense, but don’t compromise your rules just because someone else doesn’t like them. If you hear gossip about criticism, it’s usually best just to ignore it. ### **15. Don’t define success as winning.** Many recreational leagues don’t even keep track of winning and losing. That’s not because there’s anything wrong with competition but because it shouldn’t be the focus. Real success in kids’ sports is not about winning games at all. You’ve been successful as a coach if you’ve taught children about teamwork and responsibility and if you’ve helped kids become better at a sport they enjoy. Many of the kids you coach aren’t going to continue to play the sport in high school and college, and chances are very low that any of them will make sports a career. But they will all be able to better negotiate life through skills they learned in sports. You aren’t helping creative future sports stars. You are participating in equipping young people for their lives. Coaching sports is something wonderful you can do for children. In the role of coach, you have an opportunity to positively impact young lives. Keep your team on track and yourself from burning out by considering these 15 tips for coaching kids’ sports. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Dads, Kids, Sports --- ### [7 First Date Tips for Men That Work](https://guycounseling.com/first-date-tips-men/) **Published:** May 10, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![first date tips for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/couple.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **First date tips for men** How can you stand out during your first few dates with a woman ensuring she wants to carry on seeing you? One answer is to strike a balance in everything you do, keeping a ‘balanced’ dating strategy in mind. The ‘perfect balance’ dating strategy-outlined in seven helpful tips–will make you look like a strong, masculine man in all the right ways, without appearing over-dominant or pushy. ## 1. Follow her preferences but add a twist. What would she like to do on her date with you? Invite her preferences but have suggestions for slight variations that show you’re investing time and effort. If she wants to go for a drink, research some special drinking and eating places with great reviews. This shows you’d love to spoil her, while still doing what she prefers. Run with her basic idea but add your twist by asking, ‘How about we …?’ ## 2. Offer to pay but don’t insist. A gentleman offers to pay, so do this in a way that shows she deserves a treat, but you won’t offend by insisting. When offering to pay, it’s critical to get the tone and wording precise. You don’t want it to appear that you’re dropping hints about her paying half, at least not if you’d like a second date! ‘I’d love it if you let me treat you,’ is perfect. You’re making it clear that the reason you are offering is because she deserves a treat. It’s not just due to habit or social norms. ## 3. Compliment her but don’t be deferential. Think of unique compliments and offer them freely but naturally. Saying she looks or smells nice is old hat, so compliment her unique dress sense, the scent or tone of her lipstick, the cute dimple in her left cheek or the way she curls her hair. She’ll be amazed you’re noticing the small things other men miss. **More:** [How to flirt the right way](https://guycounseling.com/flirt-with-girl-works/) Asking where she bought her stunning jacket is great, too; you’ve noticed something she’s chosen and invited her to expand. How many other men indulge her in a discussion of shopping and clothes? Follow up by suggesting that she comes shopping and gives you a makeover! Some men seem deferential or even impolite when trying to compliment, so practice these skills in daily life. Here are two examples of compliments to avoid: “I can’t believe you climbed that mountain. I’d probably fall off.” This makes you sound inept, not manly and capable. “Thank you for the lovely home-baked pie. I just hope it doesn’t bring out my allergy.” You counter-balanced a positive with a strong–potentially offensive–negative. Always use positive affirmation and remember that desirable men remain self-assured: “I can’t believe you climbed that mountain. You’ve set a new challenge for me, then!” “Thank you for bringing me the beautiful apple pie. Maybe you’ll help me to make one?” Not only does the latter compliment her skills, it gives you an opening to see her again during a fun activity at home. If you did make the error of mentioning your allergy, you can even turn that into a playful, positive statement: “That’s one amazing apple pie you brought me, and if my allergy kills me, I’ll go out happy!” ## 4. Have fresh ideas but don’t impose them. Women love men who are decisive, so have fresh ideas for places to visit and things to do, and she’ll let you lead. A ‘leading’ man is masculine and alluring, so she’ll be intrigued to see what you come up with. However, don’t push your ideas if she doesn’t warm to them; she’ll still be impressed you bothered to think of things. **More:** [7 reasons women won’t date you](https://guycounseling.com/women-refuse-date-men/) If she brings up the idea of a second date, that’s when your prior research comes in useful; she’ll be wowed you’ve already thought of new activities. ## 5. Be protective but don’t smother. Women love men who are protective and caring while recognizing feminine strengths. Crossing the road, rest a hand on her back or her arm, looking out for the two of you as you dodge the traffic. Laugh and draw attention to your ‘manly act’; you’re acknowledging her independence while saying you’ll look out for her. ‘Okay, that’s my manly bit done. Humor me, will you?’ is a good way of poking fun at yourself. Similarly, lead her to a quiet corner so she doesn’t have to loiter by the bar and those rowdy males; offer to get the drinks and the food order. Always be looking for how you can make her comfortable, but offer suggestions gently and respectfully. ‘This seat looks good. What do you think?’ is respectful. ‘You should sit here,’ is commanding and domineering, and nobody appreciates being controlled. ## 6. Use clean language but be flirtatious. Many women love the notion that males can still be gentlemen. Strike a balance by keeping your language clean and free of slang, swearing and sex talk, but do flirt and cast the occasional naughty innuendo-at least, do that if she has a sense of humor! Don’t let flirtatiousness become crude, even if she steers it that way; she might think it’s what you want, as many males have the habit of turning all talk to sex. Equally, it could indicate she’s had too much to drink, so she’ll appreciate you keeping the discussion in check so she doesn’t embarrass herself. A female seeking a lasting relationship won’t thrive on shallow talk; she’ll love how you elevate her above it. ## 7. Laugh a lot but show your serious side. Dating should be fun, and women love men who laugh frequently and heartily. Don’t veer towards joke-telling as this is boring and, frankly, embarrassing. If the jokes aren’t funny to your date, she’ll still feel compelled to laugh. Some men try to turn whole dates into a joke, but this will backfire; she needs to see the real you. Strike the balance by poking fun at yourself and the situation, but cover serious topics too. Good discussion topics might be how she brings up a child on her own or how it feels to be dating again after her divorce. While women love humor, they equally need to know their partner will discuss those deeper subjects where true connections can be created. By practicing these ‘perfect balance’ techniques in daily life, you’ll see what a difference they make, even at work and among friends. The ability to be a strong leader yet flexible and considerate will make you unique and fun to be around, so you’ll be sure to win further romantic dates with the women you like. If you are looking for more dating ideas from the male perspective, consider reading First Date Rules for Men ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2rEpl7x)).  Lots of practical insight to help you get your romance on. **Categories:** Dating, Field Notes **Tags:** Dates, Dating, Dating Apps, First Date --- ### [Men’s Puma Carson 2 Sneaker – Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/mens-puma-carson-2-review/) **Published:** May 9, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Review of Puma’s Men’s Carson Shoes** The Puma Carson Sneaker – talk about a cool looking shoe. Built partly for performance and partly for style, it’s a unique sneaker that is popular with a lot of guys. But is the price $49.99 price tag (national average) worth the money? Moreover, how do they feel when you wear them and are they made from quality materials? Recently, I found myself in the market for a new pair of sneakers after my Adidas cross trainers died a sudden death. I won’t go into all the details except to say that dogs have a knack for turning footwear into chew toys. At any rate, I needed something new and was hoping to find a pair of sneakers that wouldn’t break the bank. That’s when I learned about the Puma Carson 2. What follows is my review of this sneaker that includes some pros and cons. Right off the bat, I want to say I’m not getting any money from Puma for writing this post nor am I getting anything in exchange. Also, I am including a video from Zappos because they offer a really good visual of the sneaker (plus it helps to have different perspectives). In my case, I bought a pair of Blue Depths – Quiet Shade White Puma Carson Sneakers from an online retailer. What got me interested in the shoe was seeing them on a friend at the gym. When I asked him how he liked the sneakers, he said he was super pleased. **More:** [Tiege Hanley Skin Care Kit Review](https://guycounseling.com/tiege-hanley-review/) Given how they looked on him and his recommendation, I figured I’d give them a try. If truth be told, I’ve never owned a pair of Pumas so this would be my first experience with the brand. **So, are the shoes worth the money?** All I can tell you is that after wearing them almost daily for the past three months, I am very pleased. Now to be completely transparent, I need to tell you that I only use these shoes for walking and some occasional cardio work on the treadmill. I can’t tell you if they are good for running, jogging, etc. **What I Like:** - The shoe has a sturdy rubber sole that offers a comfortable cushion while walking. - They are super light - Mesh design makes them breathable - Simple design – not flashy - Dark blue color **What I didn’t like:** - The tread on the sole seems to have eroded quickly - Shoelaces seemed a bit long It’s difficult for me to add more to the “What I didn’t like” section” because honestly, the sneakers have been pretty awesome since purchasing. Bear in mind I use these shoes for mostly casual purposes. If you are an athlete, the shoes may or may not be a good bet. In the time I’ve owned the Pumas, I can definitely tell you I’ve been happy. You may have read other reviews that suggest the soles come off after a few weeks of wearing or that the size people have bought fits “snug”. I wish I could offer you some insight into these issues but I can’t because that hasn’t been my experience. So, are the Puma Carson sneakers worth the money? Obviously, that is something you will need to decide. In the time I have been wearing them, I must say I’ve had a positive experience. Do you own a pair of Puma Carson 2 sneakers? If so, how do you like them? Are they something you put on as a casual shoe or do you run in them? Please feel free to share in the comments section below. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Cross Trainers, Puma, Shoes, Sneakers --- ### [Mindful Reflection May Help Limit Impulse Buying](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-reflection-impulse-buying/) **Published:** May 7, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![impulse buying](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-money.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Channeling a bit of Zen may be good for your financial health** ## SHORT STORY A new study has been released showing that people who reflect on what they already possess and use may curb impulse buying. ## LONG STORY Do you experience an irritable urge to buy the latest gadgets? When you visit a department store, do you always walk out with something in your hand – even if you don’t really need it? Do you avoid online retailers because you simply can’t control yourself? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Many people struggle with impulse buying. If you aren’t sure what that term means, here’s a basic definition. **Impulse buying can be defined as the purchasing of goods or services without planning in advance.** So, if you can identify with this behavior, is there anything you can do about it? It turns out the answer is yes. According to Dr. Utpal Dholaki, a marketing professor at Rice University, impulse buying may be curbed by engaging in mindfulness. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/zen-budah.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Translation: Spend time reflecting on the possessions you already own and use before [whipping out your wallet](https://guycounseling.com/leather-wallet-choices-men/). “Reflection is about thinking deeply and remembering in detail how you used any one of your possessions recently,” Dholakia shared in comments about the study on Psychology Today. “In our research, we’ve found it helps if the reflected-upon possession is something functional, like a kitchen implement, a lawn mower or a wristwatch.” Dholakia and his associates conducted four studies. One involved an online survey that included 165 participants in the United States. The average age was 37 and with male and female participants equally represented. Participants were prompted to “describe your recent experience with a product. Specifically, we would like you to think of any product that you purchased, currently own and have used recently.” What investigators discovered is that when participants spent time reflecting on an item they already possessed and used, they were less likely to impulse buy – by as much as 14%. “The findings of these studies show that reflection about the recent use of one’s possessions provides an effective method to quell the shopping urge and to reduce consumption,” the study authors wrote. The research will appear in the *Journal of Public Policy and Marketing* later this year per an official [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-05/ru-rop050718.php). **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Meditation, Mindfulness, Money --- ### [8 Reasons Why You Should Join A Fraternity](https://guycounseling.com/why-you-should-join-a-fraternity/) **Published:** May 6, 2018 **Author:** Devin Jackson Randall **Content:** [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/omarihardwickterencej.jpg?resize=588%2C322&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/omarihardwickterencej.jpg?ssl=1) ## QUICK STORY The biggest reason why you should join a fraternity is that you’ll find brotherhood and comradery to last you for the rest of your life. ## LONG STORY > “Being part of a fraternity has given me the foundation for everything I do in my career from the loyalty to the determination; it laid the foundation for everything I’ve been able to enjoy. I’m heavily involved with Omega Psi Phi.” – Terrence J When people hear the word “fraternity,” they usually think parties, sex scandals, and brotherhood. Those people are sadly missing the point. While yes, there are many sensational things that can happen around the world of fraternities, there’s also a lot of wonderful stuff that goes down too. If you’ve been thinking about possibly joining a fraternity, while either in college or after it, we want to show you how it might be the right thing for you. At the very least, we can talk about some of the great things that can come from joining a fraternity. ### Parties ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3qskwaXlOEbV6/giphy.gif?resize=436%2C230&ssl=1) Let’s just get the easiest and most cliché benefit out of the way. If you join a fraternity, there’s a very good chance you’re getting yourself invited to a whole bunch of parties. It comes with the territory. If you know a lot of fraternity brothers, and get along with them, you will naturally get invited to events and parties. This is a perfect example of the networking aspect that comes with joining a fraternity. (More on networking later). Keep in mind that fraternities aren’t all about beer kegs and bedsheets-turned-into-togas. That said, a big part of the college experience is socialization, and fraternities make that part a lot easier. That’s a good thing. ### Brotherhood [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/FratBoys.jpg?resize=521%2C347&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/FratBoys.jpg?ssl=1) What’s really great about fraternities though is the sense of comradery and brotherhood. Once you have pledged, and later fully joined, the fraternity, your brothers will be your brothers for life. When you are at a university, you will think of your fraternity brothers like family. You will all know each other, look out for each other, support each other, and have fun with each other. Of course, you may not like every one of your brothers. In fact, you may very well hate a few of them. That said, they are still your fraternity brothers, and you should have mutual respect for one another. Having a friend to share life with is one of the best aspects of living. Having a brother to explore life with is a true gift on this Earth. ### Housing And Other Privileges Depending on how your fraternity works and is viewed by the university that you study at, you could get a lot of privileges on campus. For instance, you might get a house that you can live in with your fraternity brothers. Not only will this better your college experience in terms of parties and comradery, but it could also heighten your experience with other stuff like studying, living expenses, dining, and more. The privileges don’t just stop there, however as there are many other privileges that could be made available to you. By joining this official group, you are getting all of the benefits the group has collected since its founding. ### More: [7 Smartphone Boundaries for the Digitally Addicted](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-boundaries/ "7 Smartphone Boundaries for the Digitally Addicted") ### A Sense of Identity [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/QDog-Kappa-300x300.png?resize=346%2C346&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/QDog-Kappa.jpg?ssl=1) On top of that legacy of accomplishments and benefits, you’re also gaining a sense of identity to add onto your own. Despite what many people think, not all fraternities are full of meathead jocks looking to get drunk and laid. If you’re considering joining a fraternity, you have to look around and do your research to see which fraternity fits you the best. For instance, fraternities belonging to the Divine Nine (the nine biggest black fraternities and sororities in America), each fraternity has a different persona. Typically, the Alphas of Alpha Phi Alpha are the suit and tie type of guys. They’re the class presidents, the overachievers, the leading men. Meanwhile, The Q Dogs of Omega Psi Phi are the wild boys, the party boys, the cliché fraternity brothers. Then you have the Kappas from Kappa Alpha Psi who are the pretty boys, or you’ve got the Sigmas from Phi Beta Sigma who are more the everyday man. Finally, you have the Iotas from Iota Phi Theta who are often thought of as quirky, eccentric, and some would say… weird. Each fraternity has a different persona attached to it. These, of course, vary by organization and chapter, but they give a general overview of what the guys in each group are like. Not only can you use these generalities to decide which fraternity you’d like to join, but they also become a part of your own identity once you’ve joined. ### Community Service But being a part of a fraternity is not all fun and games. There’s some serious work that needs to be done too. Many fraternities make it their mission to do good for the communities around them. If you’re looking for a reason why you should join a fraternity that doesn’t involve parties and social life, this could be it. Many fraternities are based on community service. This means that they not only enjoy social events, but also philanthropic ones as well. In fact, there are some fraternities that only exist for community service. In addition, many fraternities keep community service as a driving force after graduation through fundraiser events and more. ### Post-Grad Experiences [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Simga-Fraternity.jpg?resize=620%2C352&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Simga-Fraternity.jpg?ssl=1) That brings us to our next point, post-grad life. Being a part of a fraternity doesn’t just end at the graduation ceremony. When you join a fraternity, you’re hopefully joining for life. That brotherhood that we first talked about doesn’t just die once you’ve thrown your cap in the air. You should be able to stay in touch with your brothers for years to come. This is especially true now that we have chapter websites and social media. On top of that, many fraternities have regular post-grad/alumni meetings to talk about fundraising for the local alumni chapters, the college chapters, and for community service projects. And this point coming up may be the most important one. Whether you’re leaving school in a few weeks, have been out for a few years, or you haven’t stepped foot on a college campus in a few decades, you can still join a fraternity. There’s such a thing as pledging post-grad. Plus, joining post-grad means you probably won’t have to deal with hazing. Maybe you’ll have to kiss up to current members, but chance are you won’t have it as bad as you would if you’d pledged while still in school. ### More: [7 Going Back to College Success Strategies](https://guycounseling.com/back-college-success-strategies/ "7 Going Back to College Success Strategies") ### Networking Let’s not forget that if you join a fraternity, you are joining a large network of individuals already working in multiple careers. Your pledge brothers will all grow up. Make sure to stay connected with them as you graduate and split paths, because you never know what those connections can do for you later. You could be pledging along with a future Congressman or a Fortune 500 CEO. But not only that. When joining a well-sized fraternity, you are also joining a large organization with alumni working in fields all over the globe. Once you graduate and are looking for a job, you could use those connections at your fraternity to get yourself started in your career. Knowing people can get you through doors, and to new opportunities. Being a part of a network like a fraternity isn’t a bad career move. In fact, it’s a very good one. ### Lasting Memories [![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Westmin-Frat.jpg?resize=623%2C397&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Westmin-Frat.jpg?ssl=1) But most of all, the biggest reason why you should join a fraternity is that you will have lasting memories for the rest of your life. From pledging, to college life, to post-grad life, you will experience many highs and lows thanks to your fraternity brothers. Those memories will make part of your life some of the happiest, strangest, and funniest you will ever have. We don’t like the idea of your college years being “the golden years,” but there is some truth to the idea that time spent with your brothers will be cherished memories one day. ### Why You Should Join A Fraternity Joining a fraternity is a big decision to make. You have to really weigh the reasons why you should join a fraternity and why you shouldn’t. That said, there are plenty of reasons why you should consider pledging somewhere and the reasons provided above are just a small piece. If you’re wondering why you should join a fraternity, there’s no better reason than the beauty of brotherhood and comradery. As Mark Twain once said: > “The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.” **Categories:** Lifestyle **Tags:** College --- ### [5 Signs That Someone Likes You Back](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-that-someone-likes-you-back/) **Published:** April 24, 2018 **Author:** Devin Jackson Randall **Content:** ## ![anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/man-reflecting-outdoors.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How do you know if someone is into you? Have you ever worried about whether the person you’re into is into you back? This is an age old question that every person feels, and can feel, from birth to their dying days. But how can you tell if that person does like you back? The answer is actually fairly simple. Effort. The key to the beginning of a relationship is how much effort a person is putting into it. More specifically, is that person putting in the work to talk to and be with you? We often like to ignore signs that say no to this question, but the answer will always be there as clear as day. So, if you need a little more convincing, here’s a list of five signs that someone likes you back. ## 1. Do You Get A Text Back? Communication is key when it comes to a relationship. How can you build something with someone if the other side isn’t talking? **More:** [“My girlfriend said she’s not attracted to me”](https://guycounseling.com/not-attracted-471/) The first thing to look for is to see if they text you back. It’s a simple as that. No, we don’t mean be concerned if the person didn’t text you back for a few hours or even a day. A one-time thing, or even a few times, isn’t so bad. What we’re talking about is checking if the crush puts any effort into texting you back on a regular basis. If it’s become the status quo for you to text and for messages to be ignored, you’ve got a problem. If it’s become the norm to get long breaks before a reply, the person is giving you a clear sign. They just aren’t as invested in you as you are in them. ## 2. Do They Text You First? Going off of that, you want to make sure you aren’t always the one texting first. Again, the goal in these five signs that someone likes you back is to find out if the girl puts any effort into you. If she never initiates conversation, that shows that she’s not interested. Now, of course, we guys are taught that we should be the ones leading. We should be the ones providing and acting because that’s what the man does. But here’s the thing, times are changing. Men don’t have to take action first and always be the commanding role in a relationship. We’re not saying let the other person always lead, but know that they can take charge too. All that’s to say, we men don’t have to chase all the time. Stable relationships are give and take, and that means your crush has to try (like initiating conversations) every now and then too. ## 3. Do You Meet Up? But once everything’s said and done, you need to spend time with someone in order to date them. If that person isn’t putting in effort to be with you, you’ve got a problem. This means, are they asking you to go out or saying yes when you ask to meet up? If your crush is replying no or not asking you, you know their mind isn’t on you. Seriously guys, this is an easy one. If they aren’t working to be somewhere with you, then that’s how you know they aren’t interested in you. ## 4. How Often? And then how often do you two meet up? Is that person busy all the time? Now, the person you like might have a legitimate excuse for why they can’t hang out with you. Maybe she’s working hard on her career and her schedule is spotty. Maybe she have prior engagements she can’t get out of (hopefully, not dates with other guys). But here’s the thing, a legitimate excuse it’s still an excuse. Then, the ball is in your court. Are you willing to be put on hold? Are you cool with that person being busy all the time? Can you wait? On top of that, you want to be as understanding as possible, but you can’t let yourself get sidelined. Is that person honestly busy, or are they just too busy for you? ## 5. She Acknowledges You Lastly, when you two do spend time together, how does she act? Does she act shy? Does she act embarrassed to be seen with you? Or, does she shine when you’re around? You should always know when a girl likes you because she’ll light up when you’re with her. Most people smile when they’re with a crush or someone they like. On top of that, they try to get your attention by doing little things like laughing at your jokes or touching you playfully. But here’s the kicker (and sadly, it’s one you might miss), how does she look at you? There’s a certain look people give towards a crush or someone they like. It’s as if they’re saying, “I see you. I’m looking at you.” When somebody likes you, they’ll look at you with meaning. Doesn’t have to be all dramatic and cheesy. In fact, it can be very subtle, but it’ll always be there. ## Don’t Ignore Or Excuse The Signs What you need to remember is to check and see if that person you like is putting any effort into you or being with you. We all know if a person is treating us right, but we sometimes ignore the five signs that someone likes you back or the signs that they don’t. If you felt the need to search “Do they like me?” or to click on this article, you already have your answer. You just don’t want to listen to it. When someone likes you or is into you, they’ll let you know. They’ll message you, they’ll be there with you, they’ll offer to help you, they’ll want to continuously show you that they like you. Remember, if they like you, they’ll let you know. If they don’t like you, they’ll let you know. You just have to stop denying the signs. Here’s a link to a good [Facebook video](https://www.facebook.com/100008772948921/videos/1818016895167391/) that explores this topic more. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Dating, Rejection, Relationships --- ### [Ryan Reynolds Reveals He Was Once Paralyzed with Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-reynolds-anxiety-541/) **Published:** May 4, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/ryan-reynolds.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Even men who play superheroes, like Ryan Reynolds, have anxiety** ## SHORT VERSION Ryan Reynolds opened up in a very candid way about his lifelong battle with anxiety. He also revealed how he deals with it. ## LONG VERSION One of the things we try to do on this blog is to humanize mental health challenges. That’s why when a mega-watt celebrity talks about their own life struggles, we try to cover it. Well, that recently happened in a big way because Ryan Reynolds gave a very candid interview to the [New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/02/movies/ryan-reynolds-deadpool-2.html) about his battle against anxiety. > “I have anxiety, I’ve always had anxiety,” Reynolds said in the profile. “Both in the lighthearted ‘I’m anxious about this’ kind of thing, and I’ve been to the depths of the darker end of the spectrum, which is not fun.” **More:** [How to get Ryan Reynolds style](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-reynolds-style-guide/) The actor gave the interview as part of a background piece the NYT conducted in the leadup to *Deadpool 2*, which is being released in theaters May 18. What’s interesting is how Reynolds revealed a side of himself that few people see – and certainly a departure from his character in the movie as Wade. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/YYMvdknYeEI1O/giphy.gif?resize=513%2C246&ssl=1) Here is how he characterized life back in his 20’s; a time that he called “unhinged”. Per the NYT article: > “I was partying and just trying to make myself vanish in some way,” he said. He frequently awoke in the middle of the night, paralyzed by anxiety, agonizing about his future. He got through it by self-medicating, but after a few friends died of overdoses, he toned the partying way down.” **More:** [How men make their anxiety worse](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/) Reynolds, the star of Deadpool, says he still experiences a lot of pressure. On the day of the interview, he was finishing up edits on the movie. That said, he acknowledges in the here and now, he’s done a much better job of managing his feelings. > “First off, he said, he’s doing a lot of the interviews in character as Deadpool. Also, he uses the meditation [app Headspace](https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app). And finally, the second he walks onstage, he knows that the anxiety will lift, and then the blessed relief descends. > > “When the curtain opens, I turn on this knucklehead, and he kind of takes over and goes away again once I walk off set,” he said. > > “That’s that great self-defense mechanism,” he continued. “I figure if you’re going to jump off a cliff, you might as well fly.” In many ways, Reynolds approach to anxiety management follows the basic tenets of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ([ACT](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/)). Additionally, he appears to be doing all the right things to help calm himself. It is important to note that Reynolds isn’t the only man who has come out and shared specifics about their mental health struggles. It wasn’t that long ago that [actor Ryan Phillippe](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-facts/) talked about his battle against depression. Additionally, “[The Rock](https://guycounseling.com/dwayne-johnson-depression-0404/)” Dwayne Johnson also disclosed personal details about lifelong challenges with the blues. Photo Credit: Flickr **Categories:** Field Notes, Guy Skills, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Ryan Reynolds --- ### [Would You Get Counseling from a Robot?](https://guycounseling.com/robot-counseling-study/) **Published:** May 3, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/robot.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Soon, your therapist may be a robot ## QUICK STORY You may be able to get a form of counseling from a robot in the future. ## LONG STORY When someone mentions the term “counseling” you probably conjure up mental imagery of a person sitting back in a chair, compassionately listening to your problems. But what if I told you that one day, the person sitting across from you wouldn’t be a person at all? Instead, what if it were a robot? Does that sound like something out of science fiction? Well, it’s not. According to a paper published in the peer reviewed *[Journal of Medical Internet Research](https://www.jmir.org/)*, robotic counseling is very real. As revealed in the research, the study showed that for the first time, a social robot can deliver a “helpful” and “enjoyable” motivational interviewing (MI). This is a type of counseling approach that is used to encourage meaningful behavioral change. An example might be smoking cessation or weight loss. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/l3q2LNVExEP0z9CrS/giphy.gif?resize=521%2C521&ssl=1) The study was led by the School of Psychology at University of Plymouth in the United Kingdom. According to the paper, the study showed that the robot was able to reach its fundamental goal of getting people to talk out loud about their desire to become more physically active. **More:** [Will men be replaced by robots?](https://guycounseling.com/rush-embrace-male-sex-robots-troubling/) This may not seem like a big deal but in the world of counseling, helping clients to articulate what they want and need is a key part of the behavioral change process. It’s also a fundamental aspect of MI. By getting the person to verbalize goals, a plan can then be created to spark change. According to lead academic professor Jacke Andrade, robots are viewed as nonjudgmental and may have certain advantages over human avatars when it comes to offering virtual behavioral change support. In a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-05/uop-crb050318.php), Andrade said: “We were pleasantly surprised by how easily the participants adapted to the unusual experience of discussing their lifestyle with a robot. As we have shown for the first time that a motivational interview delivered by a social robot can elicit out-loud discussion from participants.” Apparently, people involved in the study liked the experience. Says Andrade: “Participants found it especially useful to hear themselves talking about their behaviour aloud, and liked the fact that the robot didn’t interrupt, which suggests that this new intervention has a potential advantage over other technology-delivered adaptations of MI.” The next phase of testing will involve asking people who took part in the study if the robotic counseling motivated them to become more physically active. So, what do you think? Would you get counseling from a robot? **Categories:** News **Tags:** change, Robot, Technology --- ### [Why Men Develop Acne Past 30](https://guycounseling.com/reasons-men-acne/) **Published:** May 1, 2018 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/man-acne.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Why men get acne later in life Are you a man that struggles with acne? Are you over 30 and wondering why pimples still dot your face? Looking for practical ways to deal with it? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Many guys assume acne is a problem only teens deal with. If only this were true. The reality is the appearance of pimples can happen to anyone, regardless of their age. That said, there are certain factors that can attribute to pimples. Guy Counseling spoke with dermatologist [Dr. Tom Balshi](http://southflderm.com/) in Delray Beach, Florida about facial acne with a focus on causal factors. Here’s what he told us. ## 1. Bad Nutrition Bad nutrition is one of the worst causes of late-stage acne. If your diet consists mostly of junk food, you are depriving your skin of important nutrients. Moreover, you are also clogging up your pores with zit causing fats. FYI: A lack of vitamin A, D, or C, lower’s your immune system’s defenses; something your skin needs to repair itself and push back against formation of acne. There are other obvious benefits to eating healthier. Examples include stronger bones, less body weight and better [increase your self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/). Obviously, changing your diet can be easier said than done.  Start small and try to include fruits and vegetables in every meal.  Avoid eating processed foods and minimize your dairy intake. Remember the food plate you learned about in high school? Well, today it is called the food plate. The name have changed but the basic tenants remain the same. Try to structure your diet in ways that are similar to what you see on [this page](https://www.choosemyplate.gov/) – published by the USDA. These foods have the properties needed for skin health, so you skin can once again get back its glowing, healthy complexion and be acne and blemish free. ## 2. Stress Everyone has stress in some form or another, whether it takes the shape of work, your love life, or family. If you are in your 30’s and have a sudden outburst of acne, it could very well be attributed to the stress you are taking on. Stress can throw the body off and sometimes, for men especially, the body can produce more testosterone as a response to this.  This can trigger the onset of acne, which is why if you are in your 30’s, you may find yourself with these unwanted blemishes popping up on your face. It’s important to find methods to [manage your stress](https://guycounseling.com/stress-pimples-acne-treatment/).  And of course, if stress is combined with a bad diet, then your acne may be worse. It’s tempting to reach for the junk food if you are under stress, but remember, if you want to maintain clear skin, things like exercising and finding other outlets are going to be a much better solution. ## 3. Smoking We live in the era where many us understand the dangerous, fatal, and life-threatening effects of smoking.  If you are still smoking, you may want to put that cigarette out right now, because your [chances of late-stage acne increases](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2835905/) with every time you light up. The negative effects of cigarettes are numerous, but one is that smoking dries out many of your body’s natural productions, like its oil and sweat glands. These glands work overtime with each cigarette puff you inhale to overcompensate, and the result of this is your pores becoming clogged and acne forming.  Smoking won’t look cool if you are in your 30’s and have acne, will it? ## 4. Bacterial Infection or Hormones These two factors really cannot be helped unless by your dermatologist.  Hormones are constantly changing and if you cannot relate to the other reasons why you may have acne in your 30s, it could be because of a hormone imbalance. Fortunately, there are prescriptions that your dermatologist can prescribe you to help with keeping this unavoidable acne at bay. Bacterial infections may also be the cause of your later-staged acne.  Prevent unnecessary exposure to bacteria by making sure your phone screen is clean, your pillowcase is washed, or any other object that may come in contact with your facial skin. Maintain your beard by thoroughly washing it on a daily basis so no bacteria can become trapped by your facial hair. ## 5. Excessive Exposure to Sunlight The skin on your face maintains a perfectly balanced oil ratio to protect it from outside toxins and to keep it hydrated and retaining an appropriate amount of moisture. Exposure to ultra violet radiation throughout your life can throw this delicate oil production off balance, and soon enough, you are in your 30’s with acne. This is why, as part of a daily [skincare ritual](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/), you’ll want to wear sunscreen. This means applying it to your face even if it is cloudy outside. UV exposure will end up damaging your skin and clogging pores; two factors that can lead to an upset of acne.  And if you think that sunscreen is going to clog your pores, think again, because the UV radiation will be much more damaging. ## Wrap Up Your doctor can help you with your concerns by recommending treatment options. This may include prescribing medication that can prevent and get rid of pimples you have right now. Hopefully, the suggestions made here can help you to reduce unsightly blemishes and increase your confidence. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Acne, Healthy Skin, Pimples, Skin Care, Zits --- ### [What Is Aftershave and How Do You Use It?](https://guycounseling.com/aftershave-mens-guide/) **Published:** April 28, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![what is aftershave](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/men-aftershave.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Aftershave – a Guide for Men Have you ever asked yourself: What is aftershave? Hoping to find out what this grooming product does? Ever wonder if you should use it? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. Believe it or not, there was a time that I didn’t know what the heck it was. And want to know something else? Neither did any of my friends. In fact, I used to think [aftershaves and cologne](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/)s were interchangeable terms that meant the same thing. But after doing some research, I learned this is not the case. Writing this out now reminds me of a personal story. Allow me to share with you. ![Situational Awareness Scenario](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/situational-awareness-in-a-coffee-shop.jpg?resize=520%2C345&ssl=1) ## Quick Aftershave Story Not long ago, I connected with a friend of mine named Nick. We used to be cubemates in the 90’s, back when I worked in the corporate sector. But here is the thing – the Nick I remembered “back in the day” and the Nick I was having coffee with in the here and now were different – big time. You may be wondering how? It’s simple. the guy used to have horrible skin. And I’m not saying this to be a judgmental jerk. Instead, I’m simply sharing with you his previous reality. **We’re talking about a shiny face, dotted with bumps, and large, visible pores.** That’s why when I saw him, I was kind of shocked. You see Nick’s face had entirely cleared up. Gone were the zits and oily cheeks. “I know – I look a lot different now, right?” he remarked as we sipped on our house-blends at the café. “Too bad I didn’t know then what I know now.” During our conversation, I couldn’t help but ask how he had transformed his mug in such a major way. Here’s what he told me. First and foremost, he started working with a skincare specialist. Second, he changed his diet. And third, he started using grooming products designed for his skin type. One of those items was a specialized aftershave lotion; something Nick said his dermatologist recommended. It is called Post-Shave Repair from MenScience ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Khs52h)). After our quick get-together, I felt inspired to do some research. That’s when I educated myself on the true nature of aftershaves and how they are completely different from what I once thought. I figured if I didn’t know much about aftershave (or my friends), it might be helpful to pen something that offers insight. **In this article, you will learn:** - A basic definition of aftershave - The different types of aftershaves - How to choose an aftershave based on skin type - How and when to apply aftershaves - Resources for the future Before we get too far in, I need to be upfront and disclose that I’ve made product recommendations which are linked to Amazon; an organization of which I am an affiliate. That said, I’ve tried to be detailed in my research and offer suggestions that are practical and straightforward. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in.![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-with-beard-cowboy-flannel.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What is an Aftershave? At its core, an aftershave is a men’s grooming product that is designed to accomplish the following four things: 1. Disinfect 2. Tighten pores 3. Reduce razor trauma 4. Lock in moisture after shaving Now it is important to note there is a big difference between liquid aftershaves, like Aqua Velva, and aftershave lotions, like the MenScience product mentioned above. As we continue along the way, I’ll explain why. ## Brief History of Aftershaves You are going to read a lot of information on the Internet about the history of aftershaves. But here’s the truth, nobody knows exactly how long these types of products have been around. We think the first ones started popping up on the consumer market during the middle to late 1800’s and were billed as post shaving powders. Over the years, the powders have evolved into liquids, gels, and balms. In modern times, aftershaves have been marketed to men for post-shaving and fragrance purposes. And therein lies the problem; **aftershave marketing has focused too much on scent and not enough on men’s skincare.** ![best cologne for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/bottles-of-cologne.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Aftershaves – Liquids vs. Balms ## Liquids vs. Lotions and Balms Aftershave liquids are created to firm and tone while delivering a subtle scent. Lotions and balms, however, are designed to heal, seal, and protect. I’m mentioning this because in almost all cases, you will want to **reach for aftershave lotions (balms) and not the liquids**. That’s because as we look at the main ingredients in the liquids, you’ll quickly conclude you don’t want any of these on your face. ## Aftershave Ingredients – Liquids While not true of every liquid aftershave, many contain the following ingredients: - SD-Alcohol - Menthol - Chemical Dyes - Fragrance That first ingredient, alcohol, is one of the worst things you can put on the skin. Not only does it cause severe drying, it also contributes to premature wrinkling. You may be wondering why? It’s simple. Alcohol strips the dermal layer of oils. It also robs your skin of collagen; a substance that helps to give your mug a more youthful look. See this [post on men’s moisturizers](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) to learn more. And yes, alcohol does act as a disinfectant but unless your doctor specifically wants you to use this on your face, why would you put something so harsh on your skin? Okay moving on to the chemical dyes. Here is why you don’t want to avoid them: they can irritate the skin and can cause your face to take on a reddish hue. It’s as simple as that. Menthol in aftershaves is what give users that crisp, clean feel. The problem is their crystalline compound, when mixed with alcohol, can act as an irritant (particularly on sensitive skin). Finally, we have fragrance additives. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a pleasant smell, the scents used in aftershaves usually don’t last long. Moreover, the odor does nothing to nourish, moisturize or sooth. ![aftershave - balms and lotions for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Aftershave balms and lotions ## Aftershave Ingredients – Lotions and Balms Obviously, not all aftershave lotions contain the same ingredients. That said, many of the natural ones share the following: - Aloe vera - Witch hazel - Salicylic Acid (some) - Botanical derivatives (some) - Moisturizers Let’s look at that first ingredient – [aloe vera](https://nccih.nih.gov/health/aloevera). Commonly referred to as “aloe”, this is a gelatinous substance found in the aloe vera plant. Its roots can be traced back to the time of the ancient Egyptians who used the plant’s gel to heal. It was also applied to the skin for anti-aging purposes. Today, it is still used for these purposes. The second common ingredient found in many of the balms is witch hazel, which comes from the witch hazel plant. After the plant’s leaves, twigs, and bark are pulverized down to granular form, it is then heated up and transformed into a liquid base. When you hear witch hazel, think *astringent*; a substance that shrinks pores and reduces skin inflammation. Unlike alcohol, witch hazel (when added with botanicals like aloe vera) doesn’t dry out the skin. Additionally, it doesn’t encourage premature line formation or damage collagen. The next ingredient in many of the balms is salicylic acid. This is an organic substance (monohydroxybenzoic acid) that first gets crystallized and then liquefied. The main benefit of salicylic acid is its ability to eat away at harmful debris resting on the dermal layer. According to Sue Ann Wee, a dermatologist in New York City. “This ‘desmolytic’ action encourages exfoliation of skin and unclogging of pores.” Let’s briefly touch on botanical derivatives. Long story short, these are mixed into aftershave lotions to encourage healing. Examples include caffeine, which is designed to stimulate sub-dermal circulation and tea extracts, designed to clear pores and calm. Finally, we have moisturizers. In most all cases, they contain some type of ingredient to encourage hydration. Moisturizers also soften lines and prevent wrinkling. There’s no way in this one post that I could name all the different ingredients that go into moisturizers. Suffice it to say many contain lanolin, hyaluronic acid, and antioxidants designed to preserve skin elasticity. ![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0085UECY2) ## How to Choose an Aftershave Now for the important part of this article; how to choose the right aftershave. I’m going to guess you already know that the liquid products aren’t smart options for all of the reasons stated above. Assuming you’ll opt for the balms, you’ll want to start off by asking yourself: **What is my skin type?** If you are unsure, here is a quick reference guide. I’ve included product recommendations with each type to simplify things. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B07925241H&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07925241H/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B07925241H&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=7d62e064fb8eea24d0637235b3beb9c0)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B07925241H) ## 1. Normal skin If you have this skin type, you probably have few visible imperfections. Additionally, you likely have small pores and don’t struggle with acne. Finally, you probably have an even skin tone. If this describes you, consider the aftershave balm made by Bulldog ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2r7UqPC)). It goes on lightweight and does not contain synthetics. What I like about this product are the ingredients aloe, camelina oil, and green tea – all of which are designed to tighten, seal, and moisturize. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B0002ZOF2W&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002ZOF2W/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0002ZOF2W&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=444e31bdff824b2ebe21133a371936d0)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0002ZOF2W) ## 2. Combination skin Men with combination skin will sometimes see patches of dryness or oiliness. Skin tone is somewhat uneven with areas that take on a shine. Occasional acne also can happen. Should this describe your situation, you may want to pick up a bottle of post-shave repair by MenScience ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2Khs52h)). What’s terrific thing about this product is how it evens skin tone, closes pores, and acts as an anti-aging tool. Just pump the primer to deliver a fine mist. It won’t sting your face and contains zero alcohol. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00OBWSBGS&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00OBWSBGS/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00OBWSBGS&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=163e95993e8f4c73459e92e8547f1935)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00OBWSBGS) ## 3. Oily Skin If you have oily skin, your face will typically take on a shiny appearance. Examples include the forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin. Acne may be a frequent occurrence. If this describes you, pick up a bottle of Rugged and Dapper aftershave lotion ([see amazon](https://amzn.to/2JBbJQQ)). FYI: This is what my buddy Nick uses. What’s cool about this product is that it contains natural ingredients designed to reduce oil, tighten the skin, and seal pores. I really like that it contains anti-aging properties with concentrated vitamins and minerals. Fantastic product. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00NS87UBI&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00NS87UBI/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00NS87UBI&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=9fc55ebc3542b6cb6403988660a87259)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00NS87UBI) ## 4. Dry skin A lot of guys have this skin type. If your face is dry, it will often have lines and crevices with patches of red. As a result, you may look older than your years. If this sounds like you, consider getting Brickell’s aftershave lotion ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2r6HKcO)). What’s great about this product is that it is made from natural organic ingredients. The lotion calms irritated skin, seals in moisture, and doesn’t clog pores. Many guys who use this one swear it helps their face look better and younger. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00K7I82YQ&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00K7I82YQ/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00K7I82YQ&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=2f006c3a12dd76829aa388f63efddfed)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00K7I82YQ) ## 5. Sensitive skin If you have this type of skin, there’s a good chance it doesn’t take much for your face to get inflamed. Even trace amounts of chemicals can have unpleasant results. If this describes you, it may be a good idea to check out this post-shave balm made by Pacific Shaving Company ([see Amazon](https://amzn.to/2HC8jAA)). Here’s what you need to know about this lotion. First, it’s made from natural, plant-derived ingredients. Second, it reduces razor burn dramatically. Finally, it contains no fragrances. And let me tell you, a little bit goes a long way. ## Grooming Video – 10 Don’ts Just for fun, I am including a video on grooming don’ts by Aaron Marino with I am Alpha. If truth be told, I’ve always liked his advice because it’s guy friendly. This is one of the reasons why I listed his blog as one of the top [25-websites for men](https://guycounseling.com/best-websites-men/). ## How To Apply Aftershave Remember, aftershaves are designed for use post-shave. They shouldn’t be thought of as colognes or perfumes. I’m mentioning this for foundational purposes. Your choice of aftershave, governed by your skin type, will dictate how the lotion should be applied. That said, I will offer a few tips. 1. Make sure you have completed the shaving process. 2. When you are done with your razor, rinse your face with cool water and then pat dry. 3. Take a small amount of aftershave lotion and place on your fingertips. 4. Using very little pressure, gently apply to your face using upward strokes. ## When To Use Aftershave? Honestly, you will want to use your lotion after each shave. If you have a beard and occasionally shape around the jawline with a razor, I would also apply. Here’s why – each time that blade touches your face, you traumatize the skin. Unless you take the steps to encourage calming and healing, you run the risk of irritation. ## Other Skin Care Tips? If you are like most guys, you probably shave your face on a daily or weekly basis. While this is an important aspect of grooming, there’s a whole bunch more that needs to happen if you want to look your best. It is, for this reason, you’ll want to [develop a simple skincare routine for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/). It doesn’t have to be complicated. We’re talking minor additions to your morning and evening ritual. ## Bringing It All Together When guys hear the term “aftershave”, they think of some dude standing in front of the mirror, slapping on something like “Brute”. That’s a shame because, in their best form, aftershaves should be thought of as post-shave activities designed to calm and heal. If you want to smell good after shaving, there are other ways to accomplish this. An example is to use a cologne that you spritz onto your body after showing. See this post on [how to make your cologne last longer](https://guycounseling.com/cologne-last-longer-hacks/) for tips. Finally, I’ll just say my friend Nick truly did inspire this post. While he never came right out and told me, I sensed a massive increase in his self-esteem. Thank you for stopping by. — References: (2016) Aloe Vera. National Center for Complimentary and Integrative Health. Retrieved via the web at: https://nccih.nih.gov/health/aloevera **Categories:** Field Notes, Grooming & Style **Tags:** Aftershave, Cologne, Face Care, Facial Care, lotion, Shaving --- ### [7 Smartphone Boundaries for the Digitally Addicted](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-boundaries/) **Published:** April 25, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/smartphone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How to set up boundaries with your smartphone If you are like most people, there’s a good chance you own a smartphone. In fact, I’m willing to bet you are reading the text appearing before you on one right now. How do I know this? Well, it’s not because I’m psychic. Instead, it’s because a survey conducted by the highly regarded [Pew Research Center](http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/01/12/evolution-of-technology/) revealed that nearly 77% of all Americans own some type of smart device. While the proliferation of wireless phones has helped us to remain more connected, there’s an argument to be made that perhaps we’ve become *too* connected. No more waiting until office hours for the boss to tell us something. No more secluded vacations. All of us can now reach one another at any time, from anywhere. Let’s be honest, these digital suckers have infiltrated almost every aspect of lives; from time at the gym to dinner with friends. Shoot, they’ve even managed to worm their way into sexy time. If you’ve ever had your phone chime during a hookup, you know exactly what I mean. Given how smartphones have woven themselves into the fabric of daily life, is there any way to strike a balance? The answer is ***yes*** but it will require that you set up strong boundaries. What follows are seven ways to have a healthier relationship with your smartphone. Some of these suggestions might seem like common sense. Others may make you pause and think. Read them all and apply what feels right. ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1)Smartphone boundaries ## 1. Create awareness around usage The first step in establishing a healthier relationship with your smartphone is to create awareness around usage. An effective way to do this is to ask yourself the following: *Do I need to check this right now?* The answer may very well be: yes. But in most situations, it will probably be: no. The hard truth is most of us have become addicted to our phones like crack cocaine. And I’m not just making that up. Recent scientific research suggests that too many of us have become dependent on our phones in much the same way addicts become hooked on substances. In turn, this leads to a condition called [phoneliness](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-lonely-depression-411/). By creating awareness around how much you interact with your device, you’ll be in a stronger position to enact healthy boundaries. ## 2. Make your bedroom a phone-free zone Your bedroom (and particularly your bed) should be thought of as a sacred place for renewal. But each time you bring your phone with you into this space, you inject toxicity into the environment. Now think about this for a minute and it will make sense. When you place your smartphone on your nightstand, you are inviting your boss, family, friends, and co-workers into your bed. Do you *really* want these people there? Ideally, your bedroom should be a place for sleeping and sex. Do yourself a favor and banish your phone to some other location. Don’t con yourself into thinking, “But I need my phone as an alarm clock.” While this may very well be true, it’s also just as true that you (probably) won’t be able to resist the temptation to “check” when it’s near. As an alternative, consider getting a cheap [digital alarm clock](https://amzn.to/2JgRLdV). Believe it or not, they still make them. ## 3. Schedule nightly interaction time One of the most rewarding things about smartphones is their ability to let us interact with others. But without boundaries, this benefit can morph into the unhealthy. Here, I am talking about timewasting activities like spending hours on social media when your goal was to work on a task, like attending to your monthly bills or cleaning out the bathroom. One healthy option to scheduling a nightly timeslot dedicated to smartphone use. An example might be deciding to jump onto your device from 7 pm – 8 pm.  Once that hour is up, your phone gets turned off. The trick with this suggestion is to create a boundary that is realistic. FYI: it may take practice to figure out a time that works best. After all, learning is an experiential process that’s often influenced by a trial and error. ## 4. Turn it off for certain events Nowadays, it’s a good idea to have your phone with you when out and about. There’s something to be said about knowing you can call for help should an emergency arise. That said, just because you have your phone with you doesn’t mean it must be on. Make sense? Examples include powering down your phone when you are on a date or during family events. Other examples include activities like hiking or visiting an art gallery. Obviously, each situation is different. A good question to ask yourself as part of this step is: *Do I need my phone to be on right now?* ## 5. Consider a social media detox Social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter can be excellent conduits of communication. They allow you to learn what’s going on in the world and talk about issues you care about. The problem is they can also become horribly addictive, acting like time sponges that soak up hours of daily life. Rather than doing something drastic, like deleting your social media apps, a more realistic solution might be to go on a social media detox. To accomplish this, simply decide on a period of time where you will take a break from apps like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and the like. The amount of time is up to you. For some folks, a week works. For others, 30-days makes more sense. Whatever you decide, it helps to let people know you are taking time away. Once the break begins, delete the apps from your phone. Remember, you can always reinstall upon return. ## 6. Get rid of the notifications “Tom Smith just sent you a friend request” and “Liked by Wendy Jones” are examples of the many notifications that can pop up on your phone throughout the day. Do yourself a huge favor – **turn notifications off.** Honestly, do you *really* need to know these things in real time? Between the chimes and flashing banners, doesn’t the whole thing drive you nuts? Let’s be real – notifications are invasive. Moreover, they are designed to get you hooked on an app to increase interaction. Take a few minutes and conduct an audit. Decide which notifications are necessary and which are not. I’m willing to bet the vast majority aren’t needed. ## 7. Remove apps you aren’t using The final tip is to swipe through your phone’s screen and assess the different apps. Ask yourself how many you truly use or need. Once accomplished, you can then begin the process of deletion. By having fewer apps on your device, the less updating you’ll have to do. Moreover, you’ll be able to access frequently used ones quicker. The end result is more efficient use of your time – including [work tasks](https://guycounseling.com/couples-smartphones-work-home-1817/). ## Bringing It All Together Smartphones have become an appendage for most of us. For all of the wonderful things they do, these electronic devices can also act as time bandits. Hopefully, the tips shared here will help you to have a healthier relationship with your smartphone so that you can go about the business of living life. **What are some ways you have built healthy boundaries around your smartphone? Please share in the comments.** **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Boundaries, smart-devices, Smartphones --- ### [Why Some Ex-Prisoners Are at Risk for Injury Upon Release](https://guycounseling.com/ex-prisoners-risk-injury/) **Published:** April 23, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![ex-prisoner](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-behind-bars.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## QUICK STORY Former prisoners who have a history of mental illness or substance abuse problems are at significantly higher risk for injury once released from incarceration. ## LONG STORY We’ve long since known that many people who serve time live with various mental health problems. As is commonly the case, some live with a dual diagnosis, such as [depression and alcohol dependence](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/). Well, according to an Australian study published in *The Lancet*, people released from prisons living with these kinds of life challenges are a whopping twelve-times more likely to experience injury upon release when compared to public. Jesse Young, a researcher from the Centre for Mental Health at the University of Melbourne was the lead investigator in a study that reviewed the hospital records for 1,307 people released from seven Queensland prisons from 1 August 2008 to 31 July 2010. His findings showed that, among the 1,307 released, 227 had a dual diagnosis of mental illness and substance use problems; 99 had mental illness only; 314 had substance use disorder only; and 617 had no recent history of mental disorder After the prisoners were released, a total of 407 experienced 898 injuries that required hospital contact. Of the 407, a total of 122 had both mental illness and substance use problems; 35 had mental illness only; 82 had substance use disorder only. Those with both mental health and substance use disorders were injured at **three times the rate** of those released from prison with no mental health problems, and more than **10 times the rate** of adults in the community. “Injury is one of the major causes of death and disability globally,” said Young. “It can often result in hospitalisation which can, in turn, be very costly to society. Currently it’s estimated to cost more than four billion dollars in direct health care every year in Australia. On average, a hospital bed costs $1840 a day.” According to the research, 1 in 5 of the inmates released from prison had a recent history of both mental illness and substance use disorder. That’s nearly 10 times higher than the estimated rate among the general Australian population. Although risky drug use was a health concern for many people released from prison, Young revealed injury from causes other than drugs accounted for nine out of 10 injury events over the study period. “To our knowledge there are few interventions that target injury from causes other than substance use for people transitioning from prison to the community,” said Young. “Our findings show that some of the most vulnerable people released from prison experience an extremely high burden of injury in the community. For the first time we have shown specific groups and time periods where the risk of injury is greatest after release from prison.” Young wants his study shine a light on this problem so that more money can be directed towards this highly vulnerable population. “Continuous care between prison and community mental health and addiction services is urgently needed. This would not only benefit those vulnerable individuals but would reduce public healthcare costs. Spending in this area should be a public health priority,” he said. The plight of ex-prisoners – particularly with mental health problems and substance abuse challenges – certainly gives us all something to think about. h/t: [Psychcentral](https://psychcentral.com/) **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Addiction, Alcohol, Drugs, Mental Health, prison --- ### [Guys Are Getting “Menjections” To Have Macho Mouths Like Celebs](https://guycounseling.com/menjections-mach-mouths/) **Published:** April 21, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/channing-tatum.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Some men are being injected with filler to look like Hollywood celebrities** ## **SHORT VERSION** Men are flocking to their dermatologists to undergo a procedure designed to help them look like Brad Pitt, Harry Styles, and Channing Tatum. ## **LONG VERSION** When we hear the term “cosmetic procedure” it usually conjures up mental imagery of women getting facelifts or having their breast size increased/reduced through implants. But the hard truth is guys undergo cosmetic procedures, too. I should know because I wrote about my own experiences with [Botox cosmetic in this post](https://guycounseling.com/botox-for-guys-what-to-expect/). Here’s the deal. In recent years, men have increasingly shown interest in having facial work done to enhance their appearance. A recent study appearing in [Bloomberg](https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-06-22/millennial-men-are-bolstering-the-plastic-surgery-industry) revealed that 31% of guys are highly likely to consider some type of procedure. Moreover, nearly half of the study’s participants (58%) were millennials. https://www.instagram.com/p/9SG1DIwOiz/?hl=en&taken-by=bradpittoficial The “work” being contemplated isn’t just calf implants, liposuction or hair weaves. Instead, they are seeking specific procedures designed to beutify the face. To cut to the chase, I’m talking about “menjections”. In simple-speak, this is where a doctor injects the lower lip with a dermal filler made from hyaluronic acid, like Restylane, to increase lip size. **Related:** [Best 25 face masks for men!](https://guycounseling.com/face-masks-men/) Apparently, the goal is to look more like famous celebrities, including Channing Tatum, Brad Pitt, and Harry Styles. It turns out that having a well-formed, larger lower lip is what makes each of these stars desirable. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BTB9HnPjsuN/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) Obviously, attractiveness is subjective – I’m just giving you the skinny on why some guys are doing this. Dr. Rian Maercks said the following in a [Page Six](https://pagesix.com/video/guys-are-getting-the-macho-mouth-procedure-to-look-like-channing-tatum/) video: “The lower lip in men has just become a symbol of pride and power.” You can hear more from Dr. Maercks and watch the procedure in this online video that may help put things into perspective. So, what do you think? Will be signing up for manjections to get a “macho mouth”? It’s apparently all the rage. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Botox, Channing Tatum, Filler, Macho Mouth, Manjections --- ### [Up For a Whiskey Cocktail with a Frostbitten Human Toe as Garnish?](https://guycounseling.com/sour-toe-whiskey-cocktail-419/) **Published:** April 19, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/whiskey.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## There really is a drink that includes a frozen toe ## QUICK STORY There’s just no way to make a quick version of this. ## LONG STORY Honestly, just when you thought you have heard everything, along comes a story that makes you scratch your head and think, “Are you for real?” Believe it or not, there’s a bar in Canada where you can order a whiskey cocktail that includes a brown, frostbitten toe as garnish. I’m not making this up. It’s for real. **More:** [Are beer goggles real?](https://guycounseling.com/beer-goggles-hook-behaviors-1223/) Since 1973, this downtown hotel in Dawson City, Canada has been offering patrons the Sour Toe Cocktail to folks who might be interested. Apparently, the first frostbitten digit was donated back in 1890 per a report in the *[Mirror UK](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/royal-marine-who-lost-toes-12335618)*. Our mouths dropped when we took a look-see at this cocktail. https://www.instagram.com/p/BhjqaHoh4Ob/?taken-by=itisagrapelife According to various reports, the tavern has served up this unique drink over 100,000 times. They have a number of rules, however, according to the Mirror’s reporting for folks who are brave enough to down this puppy. “You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow, but your lips must touch the toe,” per the Mirror’s piece. No swallowing of the digit is allowed. Folks who have done this got nailed with a $500 fine. If you can do all of these things, you get a [certificate](https://www.instagram.com/p/BVS8AJYF3Tp/?utm_source=ig_embed) at the end. What else can we tell you? Well, there was a Marine Commando who lost three of his toes back in February, due to severe frostbite. It was then he decided to send his digits to the bar. “When I was going into the theatre I asked the surgeon if I could save my toes and told him what it was for,” 46-year-old British explorer Nick Griffiths told the Mirror. “He found it quite amusing.” > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BVS8AJYF3Tp/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) Griffiths then added: “I wrote to the Downtown Hotel to tell them about my toes and what had happened, and they said they’d love to have them.” We can’t help but wonder how many customers have had to liquor themselves up before ordering the Sour Toe drink? I can only speak for myself but I would absolutely need to be drunk before ordering this fella. So, are you down for this cocktail? *h/t:* [*Ask Men*](http://www.askmen.com) **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Alcohol, Booze, Whiskey --- ### [10 Signs You Need to Change Your Eating Habits](https://guycounseling.com/eating-habits-health/) **Published:** April 18, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/food.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **The relationship between diet and health** Health comes in numerous forms and can be viewed through a variety of lenses, including physical, emotional, and psychological health. But what do these types of well-being have in common? What is the single determining factor that can define your long-term health on both mental and physical planes? The answer is nutrition. The old adage stating that you are what you eat stands the test of time and is becoming increasingly important as the modern, hectic way of life puts [more and more stress](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/) on our shoulders. Your diet can influence a myriad bodily processes ranging from physiological to psychological, so it’s about time you assess your daily performance and habits in order to figure out whether or not your eating habits are doing you more harm than good. ## 1. You’re sad with signs of depression Depression can creep up on you over a period of time without you even realizing it, and even though [there are ways to fight it](https://guycounseling.com/zen-meditation-depression-314/) other than with proper nutrition, we cannot deny that diet does significantly influence your psychological well-being. In fact, studies have found a direct correlation between diet and depression, so make sure you read the signs and opt to change your regime if you’re feeling sad or depressed. ## 2. You feel constantly tired A calorie is not just a calorie regardless of its source, as macro and micronutrients found in foods can have a profound impact on your energy levels. If you’re feeling tired, sluggish, and sleepy all the time then you should consider upping your complex carb intake, along with proteins and healthy fats in order to boost your energy levels. ## 3. You’re gassy and bloated Nutrition is about the only thing that can make you feel gassy or bloated, save for the few anxiety and stress factors. What’s important to keep in mind is that your body is unique, and it responds differently to certain foods. So, if you feel gassy or bloated when you eat or drink dairy products, you might be lactose intolerant. The same goes for any food source really, so be sure to experiment with your diet to find out what suits you best. ## 4. Experiencing cramps and constipation? If diet can influence any process in your body, it’s definitely your bowel movement. So much so, that foods that don’t sit well with you can either cause diarrhea or constipation. If you’re experiencing the latter on a regular basis, then your body is probably lacking fiber, the essential nutrient that regulates your digestive processes. So, consider adding beans, whole grains, and dark leafy vegetables to your diet. ## 5. You’re always hungry Believe it or not, you might be stuffing yourself with food on a daily basis and still feel hungry at the time. This is because you’re not supplying your body with [the nutrients it needs](https://guycounseling.com/10-telltale-signs-need-protein-men/), so your brain is putting out a signal that you need to consume more food. Not only is this making you gain unnecessary weight, but if you don’t start eating quality foods, you will never be able to stop this vicious cycle. ## 6. You can’t lose weight no matter what Men either struggle with putting on size or cutting unwanted body fat. Either way, your diet will play a key role in sculpting your physique. When trying to lose weight, you should not only decrease your weekly caloric intake, but you should also [stick to healthy meal plans](https://meals.thr1ve.me/pages/meal-plan) in order to make cutting calories much easier. By eating the right foods, you will be supplying your body with the nutrients it needs without gaining unwanted weight. ## 7. Your gym performance is suffering There are numerous physical and [psychological reasons](https://guycounseling.com/stopping-exercise-depression-324/) why you shouldn’t ditch the gym, but sometimes you might feel like you’re simply unable to carry on with your training routine no matter how hard you push yourself. Sometimes, your performance starts to decrease for no apparent reason. If that is the case, you might want to assess your nutrition and check if you’re eating enough calories to support your frame and if you’re getting the right macro and micronutrients in on a daily basis. ## 8. How’s your complexion? It comes as no surprise that your diet can have a profound impact on your skin tone, making your skin age prematurely and develop wrinkles and acne. Research has concluded that Vitamin A deficiency can negatively affect the quality of your skin so make sure you get plenty of Vitamin A rich foods in your diet such as carrots, kale, eggs, dairy, and sweet potatoes. ## 9. You lack mental clarity and focus Love fast food? Well, your brain actually doesn’t. Poor diet choices can significantly influence your cognitive abilities, decreasing mental acuity and focus, and thus impairing your daily performance and productivity. Simply stick to healthy foods, say goodbye to saturated fats, and you will be back to your normal, Alpha self in no time. ## 10.You’re constantly sick Finally, if you’re constantly getting sick, your diet might be to blame. Given that protein is one of the essential macronutrients responsible for immune system development, it only stands to reason that you should consume enough of it to maintain your health and boost your immune response. Aside from the obvious reasons of preserving and building muscle mass in and out of the gym, of course. Your health, daily performance, and general well-being are the reflection of your diet habits. Simple as that. If you notice any of these symptoms, be sure to change your eating habits in order to improve your physical, psychological, and emotional well-being and pave the road to a healthy, vibrant future. Peter is a lifestyle writer at [Gentleman Zone](https://gentlemanzone.com/) magazine, living between Europe and Australia. Follow Peter on Twitter for more tips. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Eating, Food, Nutrition --- ### [Skip The Canned Vegetables and Go Raw for Better Mental Health](https://guycounseling.com/raw-fruits-vegetables-mood/) **Published:** April 16, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![raw vegetables and fruit man eating salad](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/man-eating-healthy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **A new study suggests eating vegetables and fruits in their natural state better for mental health** ## SHORT STORY Researchers have discovered that eating fruits and vegetables in their natural state is better for mental health. ## LONG STORY Are you a man who believes there is a connection between what you eat and how you feel? Have you long maintained that the types of food you put into your body have a direct impact on your mood? If the answer is yes, this story is for you. Researchers at the University of Otago have discovered that eating raw fruits and vegetables may be better for your mental health than canned, cooked or processed foods. Published in the peer-reviewed journal, *[Frontiers in Psychology](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00487/full)*, the study detailed the findings of 400 young adults from New Zealand and the United States who were between the ages of 18 to 25 years old. The thinking behind using this age group was because historically, 18-25 year olds have the lowest fruit and vegetable consumption rates of all other groups. They are also at greater risk of developing mental health disorders. Dr. Tamlin Conner, Psychology Senior Lecturer and lead author, said in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-04/uoo-rfa041518.php): “Our research has highlighted that the consumption of fruit and vegetables in their ‘unmodified’ state is more strongly associated with better mental health compared to cooked/canned/processed fruit and vegetables.” ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Aq9QWVIMYtzFK/giphy.gif?resize=373%2C280&ssl=1) The study’s participants consumption of raw versus cooked and processed fruits and vegetables were reviewed, along with other variables, including: lifestyle, demographic variables, exercise, chronic health conditions, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, and gender. **Related:** [Are you getting enough protein? ](https://guycounseling.com/10-telltale-signs-need-protein-men/) “Controlling for the covariates, raw fruit and vegetable consumption predicted lower levels of mental illness symptomology, such as depression, and improved levels of psychological well-being including positive mood, life satisfaction and flourishing. These mental health benefits were significantly reduced for cooked, canned, and processed fruits and vegetables. “This research is increasingly vital as lifestyle approaches such as dietary change may provide an accessible, safe, and adjuvant approach to improving mental health,” said Dr. Conner. So, the bottom line? If you are interested in better mental health, it’s probably a good idea to skip the canned version of your favorite veggies and fruits and opt for these items in their natural state. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Diet, Fruits, Mood, Vegetables --- ### [12 Types of Leadership in Business Made Simple](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-types/) **Published:** April 14, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![types of leadership in business](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/types-of-leadership-man-in-shirt-tie.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **TYPES OF LEADERSHIP EXPLORED** Searching for insight into different [types of leadership](https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/0022-4537.00241)? Hoping to learn how CEO’s and company executives motivate others? Do you want to compare your approach to management to specific styles of leadership? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by the topic of leadership. In fact, it’s part of the reason I earned an undergraduate degree in management and later obtained an MBA. Today, I teach college courses in management and psychology about topics related to leadership. Examples include personality styles, business ethics, and continuous change. If you are studying at a university right now and taking courses in business, [like organizational management](https://guycounseling.com/organizational-management-degree/), there is a good chance the material you are exploring touches upon leadership styles. And so that is what this post is all about: how leaders lead and the specific approaches they use. What follows is a breakdown of 12 leadership styles, presented in a way that is simple and straightforward. Where possible, examples are used to help deepen your understanding. ## WHAT ARE LEADERSHIP STYLES? Before exploring the unique styles of leadership, it might help to have a basic understanding of what this term really means. In a nutshell, a **leadership style** can be described as the way a person influences other people to achieve a specific goal. The style of leadership that a person employs largely depends on three factors: - The personality of the leader - The organization \[company, non-profit, military\] - The followers Let’s walk through the 12 different leadership styles and focus on key traits. Bear in mind many of the styles listed below are based on [leadership theories](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-theories-made-simple/). ![leadership types in business](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/life-coach-chicago.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Which type of leadership matches your approach to management? ## 1. VISIONARY LEADERSHIP This style of leading is concerned with the future and is largely influenced by the vision of the organizational leader. In almost all cases, visionary leaders grant employees a high degree of autonomy, inspiring workers to make real the stated vision. Visionary leadership types see the “big picture” and are good at spotting industry trends. Examples of leaders who are considered visionary include: - The late Steve Jobs of Apple - Warren Buffett with Berkshire Hathaway - Henry Ford who founded Ford Motor Company ## 2. CHARISMATIC LEADERSHIP Driven by their convictions and commitment to an idea, charismatic leaders use the power of their personality to persuade followers to “buy into” their vision of the future. Skilled at verbal communication, this type of leader uses passion and emotion to captivate the minds of others and change minds. In many ways, visionary leaders and charismatic leaders share similar attributes. That said, they are not always the same. The difference between the two is that charismatic leaders are equipped with a “chip” to motivate people to support an organization’s goals. Visionary leaders may or may not have this chip. It is for this reason that many charismatic leaders can also be classified as a visionary type, provided the communication skills are in place. Examples of charismatic leaders include: - [JFK](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) - Mother Teresa - Nelson Mandela ## 3. DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP This style of leading involves letting subordinates (followers) make decisions. Contributions, idea sharing, and participation are emphasized as part of the dynamic. While the democratic leader holds the ultimate decision-making authority, the delegation of tasks with a high degree of autonomy often takes place. Democratic leaders solicit feedback, insight, and input from others within the organization. Typically, this style of leadership involves active listening. Communication is free-flowing (upward and downward). Additionally, the encouragement of others, fairness, and honesty are all part of the democratic style mix. Examples of democratic leaders include: - [Abraham Lincoln](https://guycounseling.com/abraham-lincoln-accomplishments/) - George Washington - Howard Schultz (Starbucks) ## 4. TRANSFORMATIONAL LEADERSHIP As the name implies, transformational leaders are people who have the power to fundamentally change an organization. They often challenge established thinking and inspire others to buy into their vision of the future. Many transformational leaders are also visionary types and empower people to make their own decisions. Fairness, infused with a sense of purpose, are key hallmarks of this leadership style. Transformational leaders often possess the ability to persuade others to a place of change. Many visionary and charismatic leaders can also be classified as transformational types. Examples of transformational leaders include: - John D. Rockefeller - Carl Jung - Sam Walton ## 5. TRANSACTIONAL LEADERSHIP To be a transactional leader is to maintain the status quo. When you hear this term, focus your awareness on the concept of rewards. In other words, followers are acknowledged in real time for carrying out the directives of the leader. Typically, transactional leaders communicate to subordinates with clear expectations. They also explain how followers can achieve stated goals. Continuous feedback is part of the dynamic. Positive and negative reinforcement are sometimes used as part of the goal attainment. Examples of transactional leaders include: - A mid-level manager - A frontline supervisor - A division director ## 6. STRATEGIC LEADERSHIP Strategic leaders usually are concerned with plotting out an organization’s future. In many cases, they hold vast knowledge of a given industry. While a strategic leader can be the CEO of a company, its more often the case that the person is part of the executive management team. When you hear strategic leader, think of words or concepts like short and/or long-term planner. These individuals can see where an industry is heading and create a roadmap for the future. Business fields where strategic types are employed include technology, agriculture, and manufacturing. ## 7. TEAM LEADERSHIP In the general sense, these types of leaders “lead” with the sound of a certain trumpet. They have a strong vision of the future and know what they stand for. Tapping into the hearts and minds of others, team leaders employ many skills to reach organizational goals. These skills include motivating others, persuasion, and the encouragement of participation. Similar to the democratic approach, team leaders sometimes share responsibility and power. As a result, they do not always succeed with their desired mission. ## 8. AUTOCRATIC LEADERSHIP To be an autocratic leader is to be the person who wields the orbs of authority. In other words, they are “the boss” and everyone knows it. They make most all organizational decisions and “rule” with absolute power – sometimes using fear and intimidation as part of the process. The autocratic style is thought of as the least desired approach to management because it fails to motivate employees or grant autonomy. Examples of autocratic leaders include: - Genghis Khan - Leona Helmsley - Napoleon Bonaparte ## 9. COACHING LEADERSHIP When you hear the term coaching leadership style, think of a person who teaches, motivates, and develops followers. Coaches help people within an organization to enhance their skills and reach goals. We often see coaching leaders in team settings where a group or division is charged with achieving specific objectives. Encouragement and praise, coupled with the ability to provide meaningful feedback, are strong traits of this leadership style. ## 10. LAISSEZ-FAIRE LEADERSHIP This approach to leadership is “hands-off” – meaning the leader allows followers to make their own decisions while granting a high degree of authority. Often conflict avoidant, laissez-faire leaders do not like to get involved in the day to day operations of a department or organization. This is the least desired approach to management according to most research. Organizations with laissez-faire leaders often flounder and in many cases, fail. ## 11. CROSS-CULTURAL LEADERSHIP A person is said to be a cross-cultural leader when they can manage, coach, develop, and coordinate people from different cultures within an organization. We often see cross-cultural leaders in companies with a global presence. Diversity is emphasized with a recognition that differences among [various groups](https://guycounseling.com/stages-groups-teams-331/) enrich the organization as a whole. Companies that employ cross-cultural leaders include: - American Airlines - Facebook - Google ## 12. FUNCTIONAL LEADERSHIP When you hear the term functional leadership, think of a person who is focused on stability; an individual who has a steady hand on the till. They often set the example for others and are involved with motivating, organizing, and planning. In the organizational sense, these types of leaders are results oriented and use metrics as tools of measurement. An emphasis on *how* goals are achieved as opposed to who is achieving them is emphasized. ## SUMMARY It is best to think of leadership as multi-factorial and characteristic in nature. In truth, most leaders possess traits from a variety of styles. Exceptions include authoritarian and laissez-faire types. If you are interested in learning more about leadership and developing your own approach to managing others, you may want to pick up a copy of *Leadership: Enhancing the Lessons of Experience* by Hughes, Ginnett, and Curphy ([See Amazon](https://amzn.to/2JMvGF5)). Thank you for stopping by. **Categories:** Career **Tags:** Business, Leadership, Management, Organizational Management --- ### [Can Marriage Help Reduce Depression In Some Couples?](https://guycounseling.com/marriage-depression-study-410/) **Published:** April 10, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/couple-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: New study suggests depressions happens less in some marriages ## SHORT VERSION According to a new line of research, married couples making less than sixty-thousand dollars per year experience fewer [symptoms of depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) than unmarried couples in the same income bracket. But for couples who earn more than sixty-thousand, the same cannot be said. ## LONG VERSION Have you ever been told that married life holds certain benefits? Did a friend or family member ever suggest their marriage makes them happy? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. For years, many in the mental health field have encouraged couples to consider marriage when it is right for a couple’s situation. The reason? It is thought that having a nuptial bond with another promotes happiness. But is that really true? Well, according to a new study that has been released in the journal *[Social Science Research](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0049089X1630789X)*, the answer is *maybe.* Specifically, the study suggests that people who are married and earning less than $60,000 per year experience **fewer symptoms of depression**. Now it’s important to state that this same research also suggests that married couples in higher earning income brackets do not experience the same anti-depressant benefit. The same holds true for unmarried couples earning a comparable income. **More:** [Wealth impacts levels of happiness](https://guycounseling.com/money-happiness-study-1218/) Investigators at Georgia State University surveyed over 3,600 adults across the United States between the ages of 24-89. As part of their work, they analyzed responses from never married, married and newly married adults. Dr. Ben Lennox Kail, first author of the study and assistant professor of sociology at Georgia State shared the following observations in a [statement](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-04/gsu-mrd041018.php): “Specifically, people who are married and earning less than $60,000 a year in total household income experience fewer symptoms of depression. But above that, marriage is not associated with the same kind of reduction in symptoms of depression.” He also added: “For people who are earning above $60,000, they don’t get this bump because they already have enough resources. About 50 percent of the benefit these households earning less than $60,000 per year get from marriage is an increased sense of financial security and self-efficacy, which is probably from the pooling of resources.” So, what does this all mean? Well, the way I’m reading things, it sounds one of the benefits of marriage is knowing that a couple can worry less about their financial futures because they are contributing to the household pot. Less worry could mean less depression. What would be interesting to know is *why* married couples earning more than sixty grand don’t experience the same mental health bennies? Could it be that the sense of financial struggle lower-income couples experience paradoxically strengthens their relational bond? Hey, there’s something to be said about working as a team. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Couples, Depression, Marriage, Relationships --- ### [Is Your Smartphone Making You Lonely and Depressed?](https://guycounseling.com/smartphone-lonely-depression-411/) **Published:** April 11, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-phone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trending News: Being addicted to your smartphone may be bad for your mental health** ## **THE SHORT VERSION** A new study appearing in the journal *[NeuroRegulation](http://www.neuroregulation.org/article/view/18189)* suggests that people who are addicted to their smartphones may be at risk for increased feelings of loneliness and symptoms of depression. ## **THE LONG VERSION** I can guarantee you the folks who create apps or run social media platforms aren’t going to like this post. That’s because a new study just came out showing people who are hooked on their phones may experience negative mental health consequences. Specifically, I’m talking about feelings of loneliness and symptoms of depression. Yep, you read that right. Too much time on your smart-device can mess you up. According to San Francisco State University Professor of Health Education Erik Peper and Associate Professor of Health Education Richard Harvey, overuse of smartphones can be just like other [types of substance abuse](https://guycounseling.com/alcohol-depression-worse-313/). In a survey of 135 students, Peper and Harvey discovered students who heavily used their smartphones experienced higher levels of isolation, loneliness, depression, and anxiety. It is their belief that some of the causal reasons can be traced to learners not having enough face to face communications with others. In addition, the investigators also noticed that the same students who scored higher in “loneliness” also heavily multi-tasked; meaning they were constantly toggling between studying, watching other media, eating or attending class. They hypothesize that “semi-tasking” \[doing two things at once but only being half as effective\] offers little time for the mind and body to restore. “The behavioral addiction of smartphone use begins forming neurological connections in the brain in ways similar to how opioid addiction is experienced by people taking Oxycontin for pain relief — gradually,” Peper shared in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-04/sfsu-dai041118.php). Referring to this phenomenon as digital addiction, Peper and Harvey believe it is not the fault of smartphone users but instead, the overall tech industry. “More eyeballs, more clicks, more money,” said Peper. In some ways, this makes sense. Given the number of push notifications, “beeps” and other alerts we get from our phones, many of us feel compelled to constantly look. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/apple-iphone-smart-phone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Smartphones – can they contribute to depression? I’m reminded of the psychological concept known as a “Skinner Box”. Used in operant conditioning, this involves the dynamic where a person receives positive reinforcement for engaging in a desired behavior. I’ll use slot machines as an example. In the old days, you popped in a quarter, pulled the lever and – if you were lucky – experienced a “hit”. In turn, coins would fall from the machine and onto a steel tray, making a distinct “clink”. The sound of the coins hitting the metal, plus the bells and whistles, didn’t occur by happenstance. Instead, all of it was designed to get you excited. The goal? To keep you at that machine and continue gambling. Those notifications on your phone work in much the same way – a chance to be rewarded for checking. Make sense? Okay – back to the research. The scientists involved with the smartphone study suggest that because of over usage, our internal messaging system has been altered, resulting in alarms that once warned us of pending danger to improperly work. “But now we are hijacked by those same mechanisms that once protected us and allowed us to survive — for the most trivial pieces of information,” Peper shared. It is their belief that all of us need to wean ourselves off technology, similar to how a soda pop junkie might need to stop drinking cola. Per the press release: “Peper suggests turning off push notifications, only responding to email and social media at specific times and scheduling periods with no interruptions to focus on important tasks.” Perhaps the researchers at San Francisco State University are on to something. In recent years, there has been great interest in encouraging people with depression to get away from technology and spend time outdoors. That’s because the research tells us the more time we [spend in nature](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/), the better we feel about ourselves. What are your thoughts? Do you feel tech companies are manipulating you to spend time on your phone? Has your smartphone cause you to experience an unpleasant mood? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** iPhone, smart-devices, Smartphones, Technology --- ### [My Girlfriend Says She’s Not Sexually Attracted To Me](https://guycounseling.com/not-attracted-471/) **Published:** April 7, 2018 **Author:** Brian Tomasio **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/girlf.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## When she reveals she’s not attracted to you. ## **His Question** *Hi, Guru,* *Last week, my girlfriend blurted something out that really made me feel like crap. When I went to kiss her, she pulled back a bit and then confessed she wasn’t sexually attracted to me.* *We’ve only been dating for a month so it’s not been that long. Still, to hear her say it really messed me up. We haven’t officially broken up but isn’t that what happened when she made the comment?* *-Totally deflated* ## The Answer Hi, TD, In reading your question, I couldn’t help but feel tons of compassion for you. One of the most hurtful and difficult things a guy can ever hear is that a mate doesn’t find them attractive. Sure, I could wordsmith here and offer definitional constructs about various forms of attraction. But the hard truth is **sexual attraction is important** – particularly during the start of a new romance. The note you sent refers to this woman as your “girlfriend”. I am wondering if this meant she thought (thinks) of you as her boyfriend? Knowing the answer to that question matters because both terms carry the implied meaning of being an item. Now, rather the arrangement is exclusive or not is a different story. One month into dating, it can go either way, depending on the situation. At any rate, the question is **what to do now**. First, let’s make sure that what she said didn’t come from a place of anger. In other words, sometimes a person will reach for the “not attracted” card after an argument or a fight. Did something like this happen? Not that it’s a valid excuse. It’s not. But knowing the answer may help to contextualize things. Assuming there wasn’t a spat, here’s what I’m going to tell you – straight out. **Let the relationship go**. If you are only 30-days into something and she’s already telling you things aren’t clicking in the intimacy department, it’s hard to see how your relationship will improve. Sadly, what’s happened is [you were rejected](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/). I can imagine being told something like this was devastating, particularly if you have feelings for this woman. In the past, I’ve worked with guys who have shared hearing such a thing sent them over the edge. In more than one case, I’ve even spoken to men who decided to partake in a journey of personal transformation; meaning they became super involved at the gym to prove something to an ex. ![attractive man working out with resistance band](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/muscular-handsome-athletic-man-outside.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Thinking of change? Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. But here is the problem with that approach. The motivation for change should never be made to win another back. Instead, it needs to happen because of something we desire for ourselves. And so, if there is a part of you that is contemplating this right now, I urge you to reconsider. Now look, there are going to be people reading this who will say that “sex is only one part of the relationship”. I don’t want to take away from that because it’s absolutely true. Still, **it matters a lot** **and it shouldn’t be minimized**. If the two of you had been together for 10-years and she made this kind of remark, I might have a different response. In truth, levels of attraction do change between people as time goes on. It’s normal – it happens. But at the onset of a new romance? No, it’s not okay. And in the off chance that she said this to you as a way of hurting your feelings, that’s certainly not okay either. Think about it for a moment. If she says things like this to you now, what will she say in a year? How about two years? Will it become an excuse to cheat on you? Speaking of cheating – sometimes people (meaning women and men) will reach for the “not attracted” card shortly after [stepping out](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-cheated/). Do you know if there is someone else in the picture? That might help you to deepen your understanding of what may be going on. That said, you can’t make someone feel sexually attracted to you. It’s either there or it isn’t. No amount of magical thinking is going to change the dynamic. That may not be what you want to hear but I’m just being real. Right now, the best thing you can do is move on. Yes, that is easier said than done. It sucks when we like a person in the romantic sense (including sexually) and they don’t feel the same way. But trying to make it work when it is already broken doesn’t make sense. You deserve to be with someone who does find you attractive – **meaning all of you**. But let’s just say that 5 minutes from now, she came knocking on your door – looking to get it on. Ask yourself: Would you *really* want to? *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Attractive, Girlfriend, Rejection, Unattractive --- ### [Dwayne Johnson Shows Men It’s OK To Talk About Depression](https://guycounseling.com/dwayne-johnson-depression-0404/) **Published:** April 4, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/dwayne-j.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Dwayne Johnson encourages men to open up ### QUICK VERSION The Rock reminds us all that depression impacts men, too. ### NOT SO QUICK VERSION One of my favorite actors is Dwyane “The Rock” Johnson. I think part of it is because of his life journey. Known for his work as a wrestler and actor, the California born celebrity vibes out masculine. But as we’ve explored in previous posts on this site, even [manly men](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) struggle with depression. You don’t have to take my word for it. Instead, take Johnson’s. That’s right, the 6’4 movie star just opened up big time about his battle with the blues. In an interview given with *[the Express](https://www.express.co.uk/celebrity-news/939767/Dwayne-the-rock-Johnson-secret-battle-with-depression)*, The Rock details his own struggles with depression, becoming one of the latest men in Hollywood to get real about mental health issues. In Johnson’s case, he revealed an incident when he was 15-years old involving his mom. Specifically, she tried to commit suicide after the both of them were evicted from their apartment. “I reached a point where I didn’t want to do a thing or go anywhere,” he shared. “I was crying constantly.” Watching his mother step into oncoming traffic on Nashville’s Interstate 65, he remembered saving her life. “I grabbed her and pulled her back on the gravel shoulder of the road,” he said. But there is more. Before becoming the household name he is today, Johnson badly wanted to become a professional football player. But injuries he suffered prevented this from happening. On top of that, it was around the same time in his life that he broke up with his girlfriend, which plummeted him into a very dark place. “That was my absolute worst time,” he shared with the Express. Like a lot of men, Johnson thought he could ignore his feelings. But it eventually got to a point where he realized his sadness wasn’t going away. It was then he decided to open up and reach out for support. “We both healed, but we’ve always got to do our best to pay attention when other people are in pain,” Johnson said, referring to himself and his mother, “We have to help them through it and remind them they are not alone.” What’s significant about Johnson’s revelations is that it pushes back against harmful [stereotypes about men and depression](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2017/08/men-depression-worse/). Recognizing the importance of the interview he gave, he took to Twitter to elaborate. > Got tons of responses to this. Thank you. We all go thru the sludge/shit and depression never discriminates. Took me a long time to realize it but the key is to not be afraid to open up. Especially us dudes have a tendency to keep it in. You’re not alone > > <https://t.co/ADHjYtGe3k> > > — Dwayne Johnson (@TheRock) [April 2, 2018](https://twitter.com/TheRock/status/980678769433239552?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) We should celebrate guys like The Rock who have the courage to step forward and put a face on male depression. They go a long way in reducing stigmas and create a pathway for other men to share their personal journeys. Will other male celebs step forward like Johnson? Perhaps. Actor Ryan Phillippe revealed his own [issues with depression](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-winter-photo-1231/) last year. Time will tell. One thing is for sure, depression happens with guys – a lot. While the research is somewhat scattered, current estimates suggest [10%](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db206.pdf) of men living in the U.S. struggle with this mental health issue. That’s a big deal. **Categories:** Entertainment, Field Notes, Guy Files **Tags:** Depression, Dwayne Johnson, The Rock --- ### [4 Cancer Sign Symbols You Never Knew About!](https://guycounseling.com/4-cancer-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/) **Published:** July 20, 2015 **Author:** Aaron McBride **Content:** [![cancer sign symbols ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cancern-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-four.jpg?resize=520%2C250&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cancern-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-four.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Cancer Sign Symbol and Traits** Searching for **Cancer sign symbols**? Were you under the impression that the Cancer sign had just one symbol, which happens to be a crab? If so, you are not alone. Many people mistakenly believe that Cancers have just one symbol. Here is the deal – Cancers have 4 specific symbols that are connected to this mysterious and powerful Zodiac sign. You read this correctly – Cancers have 4 symbols! What follows is a presentation of these 4 symbols, all of which are grounded in astrology, astronomy and the ancient teachings. People sometimes wonder why I write about issues like spirituality, alternative belief systems (like Cancer Zodiac symbols) and other “off the wall” stuff. Well, the truth is I just find the material majorly interesting. I also write about it because believe it or not – a lot of guys and the people who love them are into astrology too but are embarrassed to admit it. And so that’s why this men’s blog exists, to explore fun and interesting topics that you might not find elsewhere. ### **Cancer Sign Background** Cancer is the in the 4th house of the Zodiac, which happens to be the same house that empowers cosmological energies of home, family and care-taking. Each house has its own symbol, giving Cancer 4. It is estimated that only 7% of the worldwide population is born under this sign, which makes Cancers very rare – and powerful. What follows is a detailed breakdown for each of the 4 Cancer signs. You’ll also see information related to this unique Zodiac sign that you might not know about. The material below has been fused with teachings from the ancients who speak to us in the here and now through spirit animal guides. At the end of this post, I’ve included a poll that lets you pick which of the 4 Cancer sign symbols best characterizes your true essence. Read them all so that you can make a well-informed decision. [![cancer sign symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cancer-sign-symbol.jpg?resize=534%2C300&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cancer-sign-symbol.jpg?ssl=1)Cancer Symbol on Moon To begin with, you need to know that I am a water sign like Cancer but was born under a **[Scorpion sky](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/).** We’ll talk about what it means to be water sign in a moment. I’m sharing this with you now because you have a right to know my Zodiac sign as a reader digesting this material. ### **Cancer Water Sign** Water signs are among the most mysterious of the 12-zodiac signs. There are only three – Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. In short, water signs tend to be highly empathic, extremely intuitive and for good or bad, very emotional. Cancers in particular are deep like the ocean, able to operate at multiple levels. What sets Cancer apart from the other two water signs is this – Cancers ridiculously empathic. This means Cancers generally are able to sense the emotions of others, including animals, and tap into what they are feeling. No, I’m not saying they are mind readers or anything like that. I am saying that Cancers have an uncanny ability to dial into emotions and do so with pinpoint accuracy. Before we dive into the 4-Cancer sign symbols, it’s is important to know some of the basic characteristics of this astrological sign. I don’t want to take up a bunch of your time so I will just give you a thumbnails sketch of Cancer traits. ### **Cancer Sign Traits** **Cancer Sign:** June 21-July 22 Positive Traits - Loyal - Dependable - Adaptive - Caring - Empathic - Loving - Protective Negative Traits - Co-dependent - Moody - Oversensitive - Self-absorbed - Vindictive - Easily hurt - Overly parental [![cancer zodiac constellation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cancer-zodiac-sign.jpg?resize=291%2C291&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/cancer-zodiac-sign.jpg?ssl=1)cancer zodiac constellation ### **Cancer Sign Explained** Those who are born under the Cancer Sky (June 21-July 22) need to know their ruling planet is the moon. That may seem ridiculous but it’s actually quite significant. We know from the **[hard sciences](http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/tide.html)** that our moon highly influences our ocean’s tides, causing them to rise and recede several times a day. It is that “pull” from the moon that gives Cancer sign people their special penetrative power, with the ability to literally move another person’s shielding (aka emotionally read them) with little effort. What is uncanny about this sign is how they are able engage in such strong **[empathic abilities](http://misterhollywood.hubpages.com/hub/Empath-Self-Assessment-8-Common-Traits-of-Empathic-People-with-Pictures)** while hiding behind a protective shell – much like a crab. Just a few more thoughts on the Cancer Zodiac sign. Cancers are very protective and will fiercely fight in defense of the people they love. This is why you often see the primary symbol of this sign, a crab, showing raised claws that are open. It’s a protective posture that basically says to others, “Don’t mess with me or mine”. Once a Cancer gets close to you or falls in love with you and grabs on with one of its claws, you need to know they do not easily let go. In fact, they will cling to you. This is not necessarily bad or good, it is just the nature of this sign. In fact, all water signs “love” in this way. Other attributes of Cancer include being very charitable, giving (to a fault) and loving. This is a sign that has a very hard time saying no to people (particularly family) and is known for taking in stray or wounded animals. Speaking of animals, for reasons we do not fully understand, dogs and cats naturally gravitate towards this sign. On top of this, Cancers and their pets are able to communicate with one another without having to “speak” as we know it. I wish I knew why they had these abilities but I don’t. All I know is that they strangely have these traits – almost freakishly. Finally, Cancers signs tend to be very moody. This is not said in a judgmental way. The truth is, this Zodiac sign cannot help but bifurcate between highs and lows throughout the day. Part of this has to do with the power of the moon we explored earlier. And part of it had to do with the way Cancers are wired. **More:** [Cancer man personality revealed](https://guycounseling.com/cancer-man-guide/) Remember that shell we talked about earlier? When Cancers sign people are in that shell, they feel most happy. When they are outside of that shell, they are exposed. Therein are the mood swings. When they feel confident and comfortable, they are usually pretty happy. If they feel exposed (aka hurt, confused, doubtful) Cancers become irritable and depressed. Cancer signs will find they are the most emotionally volatile during the three water sign periods of the calendar year: Middle February to March (Pisces), middle June-July (Cancer) and middle October-November (Scorpio). FYI: If you are a Pisces or Scorpio, you are also just as volatile during these periods. Let’s move on to the four symbols of Cancer. More of the traits described above will be touched upon, plus a few more. Make sure you read all of them to get a better understanding of this Zodiac sign. Make sure you vote in the poll at the end of this post. Let’s jump right in! [![seal sign of cancer zodiac](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seal-sign-of-cancer-zodiac.jpg?resize=516%2C339&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seal-sign-of-cancer-zodiac.jpg?ssl=1)Seal Symbol for Cancer ### **Cancer Sign 1: Seal** The seal represents the Cancer’s playful, loving side. Seals historically have represented innocence, much like a lamb does in Christianity. The lovable and cute animals are also able to go deep under the water, very much like Cancer born people are able to “dive” down deep emotionally. Some people consider the seal to be the child of the Cancer mind. [![cancer crab symbol zodiac](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/crab-symbol-cancer-zodiac.png?resize=495%2C372&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/crab-symbol-cancer-zodiac.png?ssl=1)Traditional Cancer Symbol: Cancer ### **Cancer Sign 2: Crab** You are no doubt familiar with this traditional symbol of Cancer. These creatures typically live deep on the ocean floor but are perfectly capable of being on land for a period of time. Generally speaking, these are creatures that live in the shadows. They are quiet and observant. They are also fiercely protective. That’s why they have those claws! [![dolphin crab symbol](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/dolphin-crab-symbol.jpg?resize=466%2C310&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/dolphin-crab-symbol.jpg?ssl=1)Dolphin Crab Symbol ### **Cancer Sign 3: Dolphin** If you want to know where Cancer sign people get their empathic powers, it comes from the dolphin. It has long been thought that dolphins have ESP. They live in our oceans but are strangely able to communicate with man in ways that we are still trying to figure out. Dolphins also represent Cancer’s protective nature. When you study this animal, you will notice that it is very protective of their offspring or those whom they form an emotional bond. The Internet is replete with stories of dolphins rescuing someone from shark attacks. Finally, dolphins are the only sign known to be associated with a Zodiac sign. Notice who the dolphin is playing with in photo – a seal! [![seal lion sign of crab](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seal-lion-sign-of-crab.jpg?resize=450%2C299&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/seal-lion-sign-of-crab.jpg?ssl=1)Sea Lion Sign of Crab ### **Cancer Sign 4: Sea Lion** The final sign symbol for Cancer is the sea lion. Beyond being just adorably cute, sea lions can be quite savage during mating season. This is the symbol representing Cancer’s sexual energy. They are fierce in the bedroom and very loyal once they have attached to you. In nature, this animal is also known for sacrificing itself in an effort to protect its children. ### **Famous Cancer Sign People**   - Tom Cruise [![taylor kinney shirtless](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/taylor-kinney.jpg?resize=225%2C300&ssl=1 "green eyes taylor kinney")](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/)Taylor Kinney is a Cancer with Green Eyes - Kinney Taylor - Lindsay Lohan - Chris Pratt - Amanda Peterson - Benedict Cumberbatch - Judy Greer - Vin Diesel - Kevin Bacon - Eva Green - Harrison Ford - Colton Haynes - Jared Padalecki - 50 Cent - Kristen Connolly ### **Inviting Cancer Sign Symbols** If you want to invite one of the Cancer sign symbols into your awareness, you will need to engage in active mediation. You can also look for your spirit animal **[in your dreams](http://www.mychicagotherapist.com/what-does-my-dream-mean-find-out-now/)**. They will only reveal themselves to you when you invite them. Be open to this and do not dismiss their existence. You have come this far so why not try it? If you are a Cancer, you have abilities that other signs simply do not have. The moon has always held mystery for our species for its strange appearance and powers. Cancers are considered a “cardinal sign” – meaning they have power over the seasons. This fact should speak volumes to the immense power that you personally hold, if channeled correctly. ### **Cancer Constellation Video** The above video explores how we got our constellations. Cancer is mentioned and discussed as part of the presentation. It is a vid you should take a few moments to watch to learn more about your Zodiac sign. ### **Cancer Poll** This poll is designed to let you identify which Cancer symbol sign animal best represents your personality. It is not scientific but may be helpful as a way of gauging how other Cancers Zodiac signs view themselves. [![cancer myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?ssl=1)Cancer Zodiac Sign Myths ### **Cancer Sign Myths** Keep in mind the Cancer myths listed below represent a fraction of what’s out there: - Cancers make the best parents - Cancers are too sexually charged - Cancers live longer lives - Cancers have telekinetic powers - Cancers are terrible lovers - Cancers like to swim - Cancers are more prone to addiction - Cancers are excellent at math ![cancer man traits, personality, love, sex](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/cancer-man-personality1.jpg?resize=478%2C259&ssl=1)Cancer man personality traits ### **Cancer Sign Compatibility** As mentioned previously, Cancers are a cardinal sign. This means they can adapt to a number of different situations. Cancers also hold special transformative powers. According to a number of astrological studies, coupled with material passed on from the ancients, Cancers are thought to be most compatible with: - Pisces - Scorpio - Taurus Cancers can couple with another Cancer but it can be problematic because both signs constantly are “reading” one another and feeding off their respective energies. Cancers usually attach well to fixed signs, like Scorpio – a Zodiac sign that has a unique understanding of the proverbial “crab”. ### **Cancer Sign Book** If you are looking for more information on Cancer signs, I highly recommend the book, ***[Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Cancer Zodiac](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DII0CD6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00DII0CD6&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=RY2OWSVQ2SLO3QAZ)*** by Chloe Miller. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00DII0CD6&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DII0CD6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00DII0CD6&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=CBK2JDCQQ7C54GBZ)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00DII0CD6) Inside, you will find page after page of insightful, useful knowledge on how Cancers think, feel, operate and mate. You can download this book if you have a Kindle. ### Final Thoughts There is so much we still do not know about the Cancer Zodiac sign. Research is still ongoing by behavioral scientists who are exploring the unique relationship between astrological signs, psychology and human behavior. Hopefully, the material shared here was useful to you. Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture. Please like us on **Facebook!** Circle us On **Google+** and Pin us on [**Pinterest**](https://www.pinterest.com/menscultureblog/)! **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** cancer symbols and signs --- ### [Posting Gym Selfies May Be Harmful To Your Friends](https://guycounseling.com/gym-selfies-harmful-friends-0222/) **Published:** February 22, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![gym selfie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/gym-selfies.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **New study shows impact of exercise posts on social media** Do you frequently post workout selfies on Facebook? Do you like flexing your biceps in front of the camera and then sharing the images on Twitter? Fond of showing off your abs on Instagram? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Lots of people who are focused on a fitness program use social media to update others on their progress. But according to a new study appearing in the *[Journal of Health Communication](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10410236.2018.1428404)*, some of that behavior may be activating body image issues in your friends. ## Quick Snapshot Investigators from Texas State University and the University of Arizona asked 232 participants to sign into their favorite social media apps and scroll through 30-days worth of their friend’s posts. Their goal was simple: count the number of fitness-related updates from buddies and then identify three people who posted the most. Fitness updates could include a picture (like jogging) or even plain old text like, “I’m doing curls right now at the gym.” As part of this study, researchers also had participants complete questionnaires designed to assess: - Self-perceptions of body weight - Attitudes towards fitness - Social comparisons So, what did the research team discover? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/115MU1wySoa4Fi/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Essentially, they determined that when a person saw more posts about fitness, they became more worried about their own weight and general body image. University of Arizona Professor Stephen Rains, a co-author of the study, shared in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-02/uoa-tga022118.php) that when a viewer is already struggling with weight issues, seeing these updates may make them feel worse about themselves. Apparently, when a person perceives a buddy as someone similar to themselves, their fitness updates can have a negative effect. ## Expert Thoughts Curious about the study’s findings, Guy Counseling spoke to [Michael Elder](http://www.michaelelder.com/), a Chicago based personal trainer for his impressions. “I’ve had many clients engage in self-directed fat shaming after comparing their bodies to a friend they see on Facebook. But I’ve also had some who find \[fitness\] updates to be motivational. It really depends on the person,” said Elder. Indeed, the study itself offers a mixed bag, according to investigators. For certain people, seeing someone dedicated to their fitness goals can be inspirational. A lot depends on how much the individual engages in upward or downward social comparisons. **More:** [Is Facebook a haven for materialistic people?](https://guycounseling.com/facebook-materialistic-112/) So, does this mean you should stop sharing your gym selfies and keep your progress to yourself? According to licensed mental health counselor John Linger, the answer is no – but with a caveat. “Occasional sharing can be a good thing because it can help someone to stay motivated and even help create accountability. But if the updates are constant, they can turn people off because they have the effect of making people feel bad about themselves. Just use good judgment,” says Linger. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Facebook, gym, Selfies, Social Media --- ### [Nick Jonas Style Guide for Looking Like a Star](https://guycounseling.com/nick-jonas-style/) **Published:** March 2, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/nic-j.jpg?resize=732%2C541&ssl=1) ## **Style like Nick Jonas** Trying to copy the style of [Nick Jonas](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2679917/)? Hoping to replicate his vibe in your own life? Do you dig his clothes and hairstyle? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. I’m a fan of Nick Jonas and have followed him since the time he was with the *Jonas Brothers* (2007-2011). If you have watched him over the years, you’ve probably noticed that the man has gone through a bit of a transformation. That’s right – he went from being in a squeaky-clean boyband type to something much different, channeling a bad boy vibe that still catches the attention of many. Who can forget his 2014 album, *Chains* for example? In public, we see the entertainer in various clothing, which sometimes can take on a hipster style. But the truth is Nick is far more traditional than some might realize. I’m going to walk you through the essentials of Nick Jonas’s style. We’ll start off with some basic demographic information so you have a mental snapshot. After, we’ll examine his look from head to toe so that you have a good idea of how he dresses – with tips to use in your own life. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BfUGawLlF7N/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Guy File: Nick Jonas Birthday: September 16, 1992, Dallas, TX Zodiac Sign: Virgo Man Height: 5’7 Eyes: Deep Brown Body Type: [Endomorph(ish)](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bes_z8kFv7o/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Body and Style for Nick Jonas To begin with, it’s important to recognize that Nick Jonas falls on the shorter side of the height spectrum. This is critical to know because for men who are short, clothing options tend to be somewhat limited. In Nick’s case, he has a lean body type. This allows him to choose clothing that compliments his physique. It is, for this reason, you will see him wearing shirts and pants that mostly cling to his body. In this way, his style differs from other stars, like the super popular Chris Evans ([see Chris Evans style guide](https://guycounseling.com/chris-evans-style-guide/)). But what you may not know is that Nick personally enjoys a more traditional look that is somewhat different than his public persona. In a piece printed in American Way Magazine in January of 2018, readers learned that the look you see today with Nick is the product of his personality – meaning laid back and somewhat lowkey. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bbh-mMMl90a/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Nick Jonas Hair Let’s start with his hair. Throughout his career, he’s kept it short – with varying lengths such as a buzz cut or close crop. Almost always, the hair itself is shiny. This is likely the result of applying conditioners that infuse his hair follicles with an argon-based moisturizer. While there’s no way to be sure, I’m guessing he uses some type of product like the Aria Star Argon Oil Hair Mask ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2FNCnW8)). What’s cool about his shortcut is that he doesn’t have to spend time styling it forever and a day. Bear in mind that Nick is a man on the go. If he’s not entertaining, he’s making appearances at various venues – almost non-stop. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BY8fmrylqes/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## Nick Jonas Face Look closely at Nick’s face. You’ll almost always see him with some type of facial hair. Not a beard per se but more like stubble. This helps to give him a masculine vibe mixed with edgy. Given that he’s relatively young, it’s unlikely he uses face masks, although he might. But it’s hard to believe he doesn’t have some type of system in place for cleansing. Upon close inspection of the photographic evidence, he appears to have the classic “oily skin type”. Many people have this, including me. Part of this is due to his ethnic background, which includes Italian, German, Irish, and French-Canadian. It’s the Italian part that he likely gets the oily skin from. Most folks with a Mediterranean background do. To control shine and to keep acne to a minimum, he likely engages in a program designed to remove oil and tighten. Be sure to check out this [men’s skincare routine page](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-routine-made-simple/) for specifics. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/nick-jonas-1.jpg?resize=582%2C845&ssl=1)Darker colors for Nick Jonas when wearing a suit ## Clothing – Solid Colors When you see Nick Jonas, he’s usually wearing solid colors. In many cases, they often match. But here’s the thing – away from the cameras, Nick usually sports basic attire. While many people see him as this cool dude, he is a lot more down to earth than some might think. He smokes cigars, likes to play golf, and prefers gold watches as opposed to loud bling. Oh, and those watches aren’t cheap. We’re talking Rolex brand with prices in the multi-thousand area department. He wore one in a GQ 2014 “Man of the Year” photoshoot called the DateJust II with a retail price tag of circa $10,000. When he’s going casual, you’ll often see him in greys and blacks – unless he’s golfing. In that case, the guy wears white pants. ## Colognes It’s hard to know for sure but given that Nick is now paired up with John Varvatos, it’s hard not to imagine he’s not splashing on something woody, like Artisan for Men. Visit this [extensive men’s cologne page](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) for more info on the brand. ## Suits and Shoes Over the years, his suits have gone from super bright to elegantly dark. Blacks, blues, and grey tweeds seem to be where he gravitates – at least today. And here’s something you may not know. Jonas appears to wear shoes and boots that bump up his height. He wouldn’t be alone by the way. Many guys in the public eye do this. Tall happens to be “in” (apparently) in Hollywood. An example item of footwear that accomplishes this is Timberland’s Broadstreet Trainer Boots ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2oC8AZ0)). Only the guy wearing them knows that it adds a few more inches. ## Classic Look for Jonas To sums things up, Nick Jonas has a classic look. While not exactly clean-cut, he is well groomed and takes care of his personal appearance. In this way, he employs many of the tenant’s [good-looking guys](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) do to come off as attractive. As mentioned in the American Way Magazine article, Nick is really a 20-something going on 60. Yup, he’s more old-school with his look than a lot of folks think. Thanks for stopping by! **Categories:** Men's Style **Tags:** Chris Evans, Nick Jonas, Oily Skin, Skin Care --- ### [10 Things People with OCD Need To Do Every Day](https://guycounseling.com/10-things-ocd-every-day/) **Published:** April 1, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/starfish.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Practical tips for people living with OCD You have [OCD](https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/) and have been living with it for your entire life. Believe me when I tell you that I completely understand. That’s because I have had this condition for as long as I can remember. In an effort to help, I’d like to share 10 practical things you can do each day to remain calm. Some of what’s listed may seem silly. That’s OK. Give them a try anyway. What do you have to lose? **1.** **When you open your eyes in the morning** and wake up, be mindful of your thoughts. Take a deep breath the moment you notice your mind is rattling off a “to do” list. Focus your awareness on your immediate environment. Using all five of your senses, identify what’s happing around you. This can help pull you into the moment and lessen that sense of dread you may be feeling. **2. Find gratitude**. This means identifying something to be thankful for. This could be a relationship with a friend, family member or coworker. Gratitude can be found in even the smallest of things, like taking note of how the sun shines through your window. By practicing gratitude, you train your mind to focus on the positive. **3. Pack an apple in your bag.** The reality is when you live with OCD, you live in a place of suspended anxiety. In turn, this can cause some to eat nervously by reaching for unhealthy foods as a quick fix. By having an apple close by, you give your mouth something crunchy to munch on. You also create a built-in healthy option when hunger strikes. **4. Grab some humor.** There are many ways to make this part of your daily ritual. Examples include finding a funny meme on Twitter or reading comics from your local newspaper. The goal is to laugh, smile, and get your laughter on. In turn, this helps you to get out of your head. **5. Lean into your OCD** by doing something productive. An example might be journaling about your goals for the future or starting the first paragraph of a book you’ve been meaning to write. Trying to pretend you don’t have OCD is counterproductive. [Borrowing from ACT](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/), learn to embrace your anxiety instead of fighting it. The more you resist, the stronger OCD becomes. **6. Deposit money in your piggy bank** each day. This can help you feel like you are doing something about financial worries; something that is common among people living with OCD. It could be a quarter or a dollar. The amount isn’t important. What does matter is knowing that you are actively doing something to save. **7. Engage in physical activity.** This needn’t be complicated. A fast walk around the block or doing pushups are simple examples. By including movement in your daily ritual, you help your body to discharge pent up energy and stress. Over the course of time, you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel. **8. Reduce caffeine.** When you live with OCD, you already know having the jitters is part of the reality. That’s why reducing caffeine intake is important. Instead of having two cups of coffee, try one. Conversely, you could also try a 50/50 mix (available at many grocers). Remember, [caffeine is a stimulant](https://guycounseling.com/caffeine-body-building-benefits-risks/). Doesn’t it make sense to reduce your intake? **9. Don’t be ashamed of your OCD** – instead, find ways to embrace it. Shame will do nothing but make you feel worse. By accepting OCD as part of your life, you lessen its grip and negative influences. **10. Focus on one task at a time.** Avoid the game of multitasking. Not only will this amplify your OCD, [the research](https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95256794) tells us that most of us aren’t that good at it. The good thing about centering your thoughts on one activity at a time is the ability to channel mindfulness; something we know helps us to feel calmer and more centered. ## Wrap Up Living with OCD isn’t easy. That’s why it is critical you involve yourself in healthy activities that promote wellness and encourage a sense of calm. Hopefully, one or more of these tips will help you on your journey. Thanks for visiting! **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, ocd --- ### [Here’s Another Reason Not To Smoke – Psychosis](https://guycounseling.com/smoking-psychosis-312/) **Published:** March 12, 2018 **Author:** MJ Duff **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/smoking-vaping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **SHORT VERSION** A new research study shows that people who smoke more than 10 cigarettes a day are at greater risk for psychosis. ## **LONG VERSION** Psychosis – it’s a word we often hear bandied about but what does it really mean? In simple speak, it’s a condition in which a person loses touch with reality. Examples include delusions, hallucinations, and incoherent speech. In psychological circles, it’s called a psychotic episode. As part of the clinical picture, the person may be living with a mood disorder, such as [anxiety or depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/). At any rate, this doesn’t sound like something you want to sign up for, right? Well, according to a recently released study in the peer- reviewed journal, *[Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/acps.12863/full)*, people who smoke ten or more cigarettes a day place themselves at higher risk for this condition \[psychosis\]. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3o7TKTvwLRXsTdXpJu/giphy.gif?resize=502%2C333&ssl=1) ## Research breakdown Basically, the investigators conducted a longitudinal study. That’s a fancy term for research that occurs over an extended period of time – usually many years. In this case, scientists examined the associations between daily cigarette smoking and risk of psychosis, over a 15-year window. More than 6000 people born in Northern Finland took part in this study. They were placed into three categories: - Non-smokers - People who smoked 1-9 cigarettes per day - People who smoked 10 or more cigarettes per day Their findings? People who smoked greater than ten cigarettes a day were at higher risk of developing psychosis. And there was more of a risk if tobacco use started as a teen. **More:** [Does Quit Tea help people stop smoking?](https://guycounseling.com/quit-tea-help-stop-smoking-rip-off/) If you are thinking that some of the psychotic episodes the participants reported were attributed to alcohol and drug use, think again. That’s because the research team factored such behaviors into the equation. According to Jouko Miettunen, the study’s lead investigator: “This was an extensive longitudinal study based on the general population. It revealed that daily and heavy smoking are independently linked to the subsequent risk of psychoses, even when accounting for previous psychotic experiences, the use of alcohol and drugs, substance abuse and the parents’ history of psychoses.” Bottom line: Smoking is bad for your mental health. **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Mental Health, psychosis, Smoking, Tobacco --- ### [Is the TechMatte iPhone 8 Screen Protector Worth the Money?](https://guycounseling.com/techmatte-screen-protector-review/) **Published:** March 30, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![techmatte iphone 8 screen protector review](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/apple-iphone-smart-phone.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Techmatte’s screen protector If you have ever bought an iPhone, you already know they can cost a small fortune. One accidental drop can literally cost you hundreds of dollars. I should know – I’ve watched the screens on two previous iPhones crack right before my very eyes. In both instances, the phones slipped from my hands while I was replying to emails. And I’m here to tell you that even the tiniest crack on a smartphone will eventually lead to giant cracks, rendering your device useless. After purchasing a new iPhone 8 a month ago, I decided it was best to get a screen protector. There are tons of them on the market so trying to figure out the best product can be a chore. Ultimately, I decided to go with TechMatte. I learned about their screen protector from a friend; a person who also has a history of dropping devices. So, there are two questions you likely want to know: 1\. Is the Techmatte iPhone 8 screen protector worth the money? 2\. Does the product work? All I can tell you is that after placing the protector on my phone and later dropping it twice, my phone remains crack-free. But before continuing, I need to say that I also have a hard-plastic case for my iPhone, which certainly helped a lot. That said, on the two occasions my phone slipped from my hands, I didn’t notice any problems. The first time it happened, I was responding to a text outside of my office. It was cold outside and I think my fingers were frozen. As a result, the phone slipped from my hand and onto the hard concrete. While I can’t be sure, it must have been at a height of around 4FT. When I went to pick it up, I truly thought the screen was going to be ruined. To my surprise, it was in perfect condition. **More:** [Would you buy an iPhone that flips?](https://guycounseling.com/apple-flip-phone-rumors-324/) The second incident occurred last week. I went to grab my phone from my gym bag and – you guessed it – dropped it. In that situation, the device fell onto my kitchen floor, which is made of tile. Again, knowing the exact height is difficult to say for sure but I’m going to guess it was around 3-4FT. I can tell you that after picking the phone up, the screen remained in perfect condition. Not even a scratch. So, is Techmate’s iPhone 8 screen protector worth spending the money? I can only say I am very pleased with the product. At a national retail price of $8.00, it’s not all that expensive. Additionally, I found the screen itself was easy to apply and goes on in less than a minute. I know there are other reviews online that suggest this screen protector isn’t all that great and that there are better products on the market. I certainly respect those points of view. Do you have a screen protector for your iPhone? If so, did you get Techmate’s product or some other brand? What has been your experience? Please feel free to share in the comments. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** iPhone, Smartphones, Tech --- ### [5 Reasons Every Man Should Own a Gold Watch](https://guycounseling.com/gold-watch-man/) **Published:** March 28, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/gold-watch-man1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Gold watches and fashion statements Do you own a gold watch? I do. If truth be told, I’ve been wearing one for the better part of 25-years. Whenever I’m out and about, I always have it on my wrist. It’s nothing fancy or anything – just a middle of the road plain face with traditional hour and minute hands. While I don’t remember the exact price, I do know it cost me less than most designer jeans. What most guys don’t realize about gold watches is they don’t have to [cost a fortune](https://guycounseling.com/3-million-rolex-315/). In truth, you can pick something up that’s reasonably priced without having to compromise on style. So, you may be wondering ***why*** men should own a gold watch? What’s the big deal? Well, I’m about to tell you and it’s probably not for the reasons you may think. Here are 5 reasons that might surprise you. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=478%2C303&ssl=1) ## 1. Rugged look If you are the type of man that prefers the [classic, rugged look](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/), you can’t go wrong with a gold watch. The trick is to choose something that’s not all bling. Instead, opt for basic designs with a (mostly) flat face. ## 2. Goes with anything What’s great about having a gold watch is knowing it will match everything in your wardrobe. From a casual night out on the town to something formal, a yellow plated timepiece spells classic style. ## 3. Vibes out regal When you wear a gold watch, you vibe out regal. That’s not to say you are putting on airs. Instead, you are making a statement about the kind of man you are – sophisticated and worldly. And you don’t have to [be Nick Jonas](https://guycounseling.com/nick-jonas-style/) either. ## 4. People notice There’s more wrist wear on the market than you can shake a stick at. In the case of men, we usually want to wear something that gets noticed. Nothing over the top of course but instead, eye- catching. By getting a gold watch, you’ll accomplish this in spades. ## 5. Timeless The final reason to consider getting a gold watch is because they are timeless. In other words, the one you buy today will look keep its style for decades to come. That’s the thing about this type of wrist wear – it’s popularity never fades. ## Wrap Up I’m not going to tell you where to buy your watch or what brand to go with. The truth is, there are too many options available and there’s just no way I could cover in this one post. That said, I will say that that quality matters. One of the best places to get ideas and check pricing is Amazon. They have tons of selections with price points that go high to low. Regardless of your choice, you really can’t go wrong with owning one. A gold watch is an accessory every man should own. **Categories:** Field Notes, Men's Style **Tags:** Gold. Watch, Nick Jonas, Wrist Wear --- ### [Can Smoking Pot Cause Former Cigarette Smokers to Relapse?](https://guycounseling.com/pot-smoking-cigarette-relapse-327/) **Published:** March 27, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/smoking-pot-man-smoking-cigarette.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study suggests former smokers might want to rethink 420 ### SHORT VERSION A new line of research suggests that former cigarette smokers run the risk of relapse by using marijuana. ### LONG VERSION Are you a former cigarette smoker? Trying to stay quit? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Each year, millions of people try to stop smoking with the goal of living healthier lives. And let me tell you, remaining smoke-free isn’t easy. I should know – I’m a [former smoker](https://guycounseling.com/quit-tea-help-stop-smoking-rip-off/) who at one time was going through two packs a day. That’s why a recent study related to smoking cessation caught my eye. Specifically, it was about how the use of marijuana can cause some people to relapse. Appearing in the *[Journal of Clinical Psychiatry](http://www.psychiatrist.com/JCP/article/Pages/2018/v79n02/17m11522.aspx)*, researchers from Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health and the City University of New York explored the responses from over 34,000 people regarding their use of marijuana and cigarettes. What they found was straight forward: people who stopped smoking but used 420 were more likely to relapse. They also found that people who smoked pot were at increased risk of becoming cigarette smokers. On some level, this kind of makes sense. Both involve inhalation and both involve a behavioral activity. And let’s be real – smoking pot can cause a person to feel more relaxed, which can impair judgement. I’m not saying that is true for everyone but it certainly is the case for some. What’s interesting about this study is how it closely mirrors the findings of another line or research involving [young vapers](https://guycounseling.com/teens-vape-study-cirgarette-0102/). In that investigation, scientists found that when teens used electronic cigarettes, they were more likely to move on to the real thing. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/PYhGuqLQQBwOc/giphy.gif?ssl=1) All of this begs some interesting questions: do acts of inhalation serve as cigarette smoking triggers or is it more about the substance itself? Curious, I decided to talk to a few people via private message on the stop smoking support portal, [QuitNet](https://quitnet.meyouhealth.com/). In case you don’t know, they are the longest running support community of ex-smokers in the world. What I learned – based on 10 quick and completely unscientific conversations, was that people who relapsed on their smoking cessation efforts with pot did so because they viewed both activities as one in the same. As one 35-woman shared: “I had stopped smoking for a year. When I was out with friends one weekend, someone had a joint. All of us took a hit. The experience immediately reminded me of cig smoking. Before I knew it, I was buying a pack of Marlboros. To me, it wasn’t about the weed. Instead, it was about the behavior. And like the old saying goes – in for a dime, in for a dollar.” And her revelation was similar to what I had heard from several others. For example, a 41-year old guy told me: “It’s kind of hard to say no to cigarettes when you are taking hits off a joint. I don’t know anyone who has ever stopped smoking brand cigs \[successfully\] and continued using pot.” So, there you have it, folks. The research is telling us that if you want to stop smoking cigarettes, it’s probably a smart idea to avoid 420. Have you tried to quit smoking but continued using cannabis? If so, how did that go for you? **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, News **Tags:** 420, Cigarettes, Marijuana, Smoking --- ### [Another Reason To Not Quit The Gym – Depression](https://guycounseling.com/stopping-exercise-depression-324/) **Published:** March 24, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![man exercising bench ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-exercising-work-bench.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## A new study suggests people who stop exercising increase symptoms of depression ### SHORT STORY When you start an exercise program and then call it quits, you run the risk of developing symptoms of depression. ### LONG STORY Are you thinking of quitting your exercise routine? Tired of the weekly slog to the gym? Feeling unmotivated? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. The hard truth is most of us grow bored with working out at some point or another. Goodness knows I know what that’s like. Let’s face it, there are only so many ways one can do a bench press or [bicep curl](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/). At any rate, if you are like most guys, you probably start skipping the gym when the boredom bug bites. The problem is one skip usually leads to another and before you know it, the workouts have stopped altogether. The trick to staying motivated is finding a reason to stick with the plan. For a lot of people (men and women), the promise of a buff bod is enough to stay on track. But what if I told you **quitting your exercise routine could lead to symptoms of depression**? Would that offer the extra push you need to remain focused? Well, according to a new line of research published in the peer- reviewed *[Journal of Affective Disorders](http://www.jad-journal.com/article/S0165-0327(17)31749-4/fulltext)*, that’s absolutely the case. Doctoral psychiatry student Julie Morgan with the University of Adelaide explored the reactions of 152 adults who stopped exercising. Each person had been doing some form of sustained physical activity for at least 30-minutes at a rate of three times a week over a three-month period. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3ohfFi6bRxOwTnVbRS/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Her findings – along with Dr. Bernhard Baune – University of Adelaide’s head of psychiatry and senior author of the paper, were quite interesting. Are you ready? Here it goes. In some cases, they found **significant depressive symptoms** began to set in with some people after just 72-hours. Now it is important to state that Morgan and Baune believe that due to the relatively small sample size, their findings could be outliers. Says Dr. Baune in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-03/uoa-sec032218.php), “This suggests some kind of novel effect in these cases, although we should add some caution here, as the number of people included in the studies we examined was small. Such findings would need to be replicated in additional trials.” None the less, the findings do suggest that when a person suddenly quits exercising, it can have a negative impact on mental health – particularly in the area depression. The reality is we’ve long since known that one of the most effective ways to push-back against a [down mood](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) is by engaging in physical activity. But what we didn’t know is that once you start a program, it’s important to stick with it to avoid depression. Why a person may develop symptoms after exercise cessation remains a mystery. The study itself points to possible changes in neurochemicals, such as C-reactive protein and interleukin 6. But it’s just too soon to name these as causal factors. What we can say, based on this study, is that quitting your exercise program may have a negative impact on your mental health. And you know what – that may be all the reason you need to stick with your routine. Write that bit of insight down on a piece of paper and tuck it [into your wallet](https://guycounseling.com/leather-wallet-choices-men/). Pull it out the next time you feel like skipping. **Categories:** Field Notes, Mind, News **Tags:** Depression, Exercise, Mental Health, workout --- ### [Would You Buy an Apple Flip Phone?](https://guycounseling.com/apple-flip-phone-rumors-324/) **Published:** March 24, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![facebook social media](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/social-media-facebook.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Strong rumors Apple may release a flip iPhone ### QUICK STORY In the year 2020, you may be able to buy an Apple iPhone that flips. ### NOT SO QUICK STORY Remember when foldable phones were all the rage? You know what I’m talking about, right? Those mobile devices you could pull from your jean pocket and flip open to talk? Did you think they were cool? I sure did. Long before cellular phones were called “smart-phones”, we had mobile phones. Somewhat bulky, they opened like a set of jaws and vibed out a bit of James Bond. **More:** [Is your smartphone causing relationship problems?](https://guycounseling.com/couples-smartphones-work-home-1817/) But ever since the folks at Apple rolled out the iPhone in 2007, foldable phones gradually faded away. It’s not that they were bad or anything. It’s just that people dug having a flat-faced piece of technology that centralized everything. Plus, the iPhone (and all the smart-phones that followed) were easier to carry around. Shoot, to this day I still shove mine in a pocket. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/PSj7vbaAFjMbu/giphy.gif?resize=396%2C235&ssl=1) Well, according to a report on [CNBC](https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/23/apple-is-working-on-a-foldable-iphone-for-release-in-2020-says-bank-of-america.html), inventors at Apple may be rolling out a retro-version of the iPhone by 2020. The gossip is someone from Bank of America Merrill Lynch claims Apple is working closely with an Asian company to develop a foldable product. “We expect the iPhones this fall to be largely unchanged for the OLED versions although size changes have proved to be a catalyst in the past,” wrote analyst Wamsi Mohan in a note to clients this past Friday. “Our checks also suggest that Apple is working with suppliers on a foldable phone (that potentially could double up as a tablet) for launch in 2020.” The interesting nugget of information about the rumored flip phone is that it may double as some type of pad. I can’t help but wonder how that might look – and how bulky it would be. If they can pull it off, this gadget could be kind of cool. Sure, you can stream Netflix and Hulu now on an iPhone but if you ask me, the screen (at least on the iPhone 8) is kind of small. Should the tech giant can somehow develop something larger that is retro looking (via a flip) and can be comfortably placed in a pocket, it could be rad. So, is there a reason Apple (may) be considering such a device? Well, it’s probably because they are watching what Samsung is doing. For some time, they have been playing with something flappable. At one time they even promised to have something on the market by 2018. But apparently, those plans didn’t work out. Would you buy a foldable phone from Apple? If so, what would be your motivation? And if you wouldn’t – please share why. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** iPhone, Pad, Retro, Technology --- ### [Can Focusing On Past Mistakes Be Helpful To Your Future?](https://guycounseling.com/mistakes-good-thing-future-323/) **Published:** March 23, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/man-reflecting-outdoors.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## A new study suggests that by taking a critical look at past setbacks, you help yourself in the future. Have you ever been told that thinking about negative things from the past is unhealthy for you? Has a friend or loved one encouraged you to focus on the present and not think about yesterday? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. For years, conventional wisdom has held that “stink’n think’n” does nothing but cause a person to [become irritable and depressed](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/). And when you think about it – that kind of makes sense. After all, yesterday is gone. There’s not much we can do it about it. But a new study appearing in *[Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2018.00045/full)* suggests there may be value in focusing on past failures. According to Brynne DiMenichi, a doctoral student at Rutgers University- Newark who led the study, people who focus on negative aspects of the past (by writing it all out) do themselves a world of good in the here and now – and the future. You may be wondering how? Apparently, critical thinking about past regrets helps to lower the body’s stress response. Additionally, it can also boost performance on new tasks in the future. What’s interesting here is that the results from the study seem to fly in the face of what so many of us have been taught about negative thinking. Curious to know more, Guy Counseling spoke to Frank Moore, a licensed counselor and [Chicago hypnotherapist](https://www.hypnotherapyillinois.com/). He shared the following impressions of the study. “I think the basic takeaway from the research is to not be afraid of the past. By looking at previous mistakes, even critically, it can help a person to not repeat them in the future,” says Moore. But what about everything we’ve heard about negative thinking and its caustic side-effects? “There is a difference between examining something bad that happened years ago versus dwelling on it. The trick is to explore issues from a distance – without piling on a bunch of judgment. That’s how we learn and grow,” says Moore, So there you have it, folks. Focusing on the past isn’t always a bad thing – particularly when you write it out and give deep thought to the matter. Speaking only for myself, I’d rather focus on the good things. What do you think? Is growth possible by centering your thoughts on a previous mistake? **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Depression, Memory, research, Thoughts --- ### [Viewing Adult Material Isn't Cheating, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/viewing-adult-material-cheating/) **Published:** March 20, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-watching-tv.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## A new study explores perceptual differences between the United States and Spain. ## SHORT VERSION A comparative study between students in the United States and Spain reveals that a majority of people don’t consider viewing adult related material cheating. ## LONG VERSION There has long been a debate about what constitutes cheating in a relationship. Depending on who you talk to, the definitions of infidelity vary. For example, most people consider physical intimacy with another while currently partnered in a committed relationship as cheating. Others feel emotional infidelity, even in the absence of sexual contact, to be a form of infidelity. But what about the act of simply viewing adult related material? Does this count as a form of “stepping out”? Well, according to a new study published in the [Archives of Sexual Behavior](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-1125-z), the answer appears to be no – big time. Investigators affiliated with the University of Central Florida and Universidad de Alicante in Spain asked students to complete an online survey. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/XhT868oxljs88/giphy.gif?ssl=1) The study was designed to explore perceptions of infidelity in a relationship with the viewing of adult material (AM) as a choice point. The breakdown of the participants was as follows. - 392 students from the U.S. between the ages of 18-36. - 200 students from Spain between the ages of 18-35. What researchers found was that an **overwhelming majority of participants** (73% U.S. and 77% Spain) did not think viewing adult material (video, magazines, pictures) to be a form of infidelity. There were some noteworthy perceptual differences. Folks in the U.S. who were not in a relationship and did not have a history of viewing AM were a lot more likely to say it was cheating when compared to Spanish participants. Additionally, the more religious a person was (particularly in the U.S.) along with lower feelings of self-esteem, made it more probable they would perceive AM as a form of infidelity. **Related:** [Why office affairs are a bad idea](https://guycounseling.com/office-affairs-bad-idea-318/) At the end of the study, investigators argue there is a distinct difference between watching/viewing AM for the purposes of entertainment versus having an extra-relational affair with another. So, does this mean it’s OK to stream your favorite NSFW vids or view similar material while partnered with another? Not so fast. The research team suggests there are cultural considerations that must be factored into the dynamic. In other words, much depends on your own definition of cheating as well as that of your mate’s. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Adult Material, Affiars, Cheating, Dating, Infidelity, Office Affair --- ### [Men Are Aging at a Slower Rate Than Women, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/men-women-aging-process-316/) **Published:** March 16, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man running - slower rate of aging](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-running.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## American men aren’t aging as fast as they used to ## SHORT STORY A new study suggests Americans are slowing down their biological clocks and men are doing it more. ## LONG STORY What if I told you that Americans have tapped into a fountain of youth. Moreover, what if I said that men are dipping into it more? Would you be skeptical? I wouldn’t blame you. It sounds almost too good to be true. But a new study appearing in the *[Journal of Demography](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s13524-017-0644-5)* suggests that is exactly what is going on. The research, carried out by investigators at the University of Southern California and Yale University proffer that many of the gains Americans are realizing on the life-expectancy front may be attributable to a slowing down of their biological clocks. In other words, we aren’t just living longer because medical advances are keeping us alive. Instead, it’s because we are not aging as rapidly. One of the study’s authors, Eileen M. Crimmins who is a USC Professor of Gerontology, said the following about the findings: “This is the first evidence we have of delayed ‘aging’ among a national sample of Americans.” But here is the kicker – **men seem to be aging at a slower rate** **than their female counterparts.** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/couple-walking.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) In looking at the research, investigators believe this may because guys aren’t smoking as much and because they aren’t as obese as they once were. Additionally, they are engaging in healthier lifestyles. **More:** [10 anti-aging tips for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) To arrive at their conclusions, researchers used data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys. One covered the years from 1988 to 1994 and the other from 2007 to 2010. Their goal was to explore how biological age, compared to chronological age, changed in the United States, contextualized by health behaviors. To calculate biological age, several indicators were used. These included metabolism, blood pressure, cholesterol and other functions. The study revealed that all age groups experienced a slowing down of biological age. However, “Males, especially those in the youngest and oldest groups, experienced greater declines in biological age than females,” per the study’s abstract. In a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-03/uosc-asd031518.php), researchers suggest that by slowing down the rate of aging, healthcare costs in the future may lower, along with higher productivity and a greater sense of well-being. But not everything is rosy. Morgan E. Levine, an assistant professor at Yale University’s Center for Research on Aging said the following: “While improvements may take time to manifest, and thus are more apparent at older ages, **this could also signal problems for younger cohorts, particularly females**, who–if their improvements are more minimal–may not see the same gains in life expectancy as experienced by the generations that came before them.” Translation: Down the road, some women may not live as long as men. FYI: This new line of research comes in close proximity to another study that revealed [exercise slows down](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) the biological clock. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Anti-Aging, Exercise, Science, Study --- ### [Would You Spend 3 Million on a Rolex?](https://guycounseling.com/3-million-rolex-315/) **Published:** March 15, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/rolex-watch.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## A Rolex Daytona is going on the market for a whopping 3 million dollars in May. ### SHORT STORY If you have an extra couple of million dollars to spare, you can pick up the affectionately named Rolex Daytona “Unicorn” to add to your accessories collection. ### LONG STORY If I told you there was a watch going on the market that costs more than what most Americans earn in a lifetime, would you be interested? Would your opinion be swayed if the brand of the timepiece carried the name of Rolex? What if it were made of white-gold and is the only known model made by the company? Does that peak your interest? Well, all we can say is that it certainly peaked ours and not because we are in the market. Instead, it’s because the watch itself has a jaw-dropping **$3 million price tag** (estimated). The men’s timepiece has been affectionately dubbed “The Unicorn”; something that signifies it’s not going to be cheap. Its real name is the Rolex Daytona \[model 6265\] and is thought to be the only one ever made by the iconic company. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/rolex-daytona-6265.jpg?resize=600%2C381&ssl=1)Rolex 6265 – Photo Credit: Phillips Created in the 1970’s, 6265 has a bit of a history. According to service markings contained in the case back between 1971 and 2010, it appears the timepiece went back and forth between retailers and the company on several occasions. Eventually, it came into possession of John Goldberger, a collector who is known for being discreet. Apparently, he has deep pockets, which one would certainly need to have to own such a piece. We did a little checking and he does have a [public presence](http://www.johngoldbergerwatches.com/). ![money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/money-cash-dollars-bills.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Would you spend 3 million on a gold Rolex? According to the folks at [Phillips](https://www.phillips.com/article/30067876/only-known-white-gold-rolex-daytona-reference-6265), the watch itself is heavier than the standard yellow-gold that adorns many Rolex products. This makes sense when one considers that white gold weighs more because it contains more metals. We’re talking about palladium, magnesium, and nickel (that last alloy is designed for strength). At any rate, as the story goes, Goldberger said he would never part with the watch. But things have apparently changed. He’s auctioning the “The Unicorn” off through European based Phillips on May 12. And the proceeds? Well, it turns out that whatever the watch fetches will be donated in its entirety to the [Children Action Foundation](https://www.childrenaction.org/); a Geneva-based organization dedicated to helping young people by creating awareness around teen suicide prevention. They also assist with offering psychological and emotional support for kids in tuff situations. So, if you are looking to pick up a one of a kind Rolex, you now can have a unique opportunity. What’s that – you don’t have that three million sitting around? That’s okay, neither do we. But we can’t help but [wonder if Nick Jonas does](https://guycounseling.com/nick-jonas-style/)? He seems to really like the Rolex brand – particularly gold. — Photo credits: The main photo is from Pixabay and is not the actual watch. Middle photo is the actual Rolex 6265. **Categories:** Men's Style, News **Tags:** Men's Accessories, Rolex, Watch --- ### [Getting Your Zen On Helps With Depression](https://guycounseling.com/zen-meditation-depression-314/) **Published:** March 14, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/zen-budah.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending News: Meditating each day helps chase away the blues ## SHORT STORY A new study has been released that shows mindful meditation can help prevent depression and reduce depressive symptoms ## LONG VERSION If you struggle with depression and are looking for natural ways to ameliorate symptoms, a new study that has been published in the *[Annals of Family Medicine](http://www.annfammed.org/content/16/2/111.full)* that offers promising news. Researchers from The University of Hong Kong and The Chinese University of Hong Kong conducted a study with a group of people who met the diagnostic criteria for “subthreshold depression” using mindfulness meditation. FYI: Subthreshold depression is a term clinicians use for people who have some symptoms of depression but not enough of them to qualify for a diagnosis of major depression. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/DAHy2zRmMe9SU/giphy.gif?ssl=1) At any rate, in the study, researchers randomly assigned participants to two groups. The first (116) received no psychological treatment for their mood. The others (115) were assigned to a mindfulness-based training group. The treatment group was asked to partake in mindfulness training twice a week over an eight-week period. Subjects were taught the [basics of meditation](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) by professionals. At the end of the study, which lasted a year, investigators discovered that the folks who engaged meditation experienced fewer incidents of major depression (11%) compared to the group who received usual care (27%). The research team also noticed another benefit: people who took part in the meditation experienced less depressive symptoms than their non-meditation counterparts. The difference was small when you break down the numbers (3.85%) but it nonetheless proved helpful. ## What is Mindful Meditation? Mindful meditation is a $10.00 term used to describe the process of a person bringing their full awareness to the present moment. In the world of psychology, it is considered a “here and now” approach to wellness. Meditation need not happen in a group. A person can do this in the privacy of their home or through other venues, such as [out in nature](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/). So, there you have it guys. If you are looking for something natural to help with your down mood or an activity to augment things you are already doing to fight depression, meditation could be a smart choice. Are you ready to get your Zen on? **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Meditation, Mindfulness, zen --- ### [Good News If You Grunt at The Gym!](https://guycounseling.com/grunting-gym/) **Published:** March 11, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/bodybuilder.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## SHORT VERSION Do you grunt at the gym? If the answer is yes, a new study suggests that could be a good thing. ## LONG VERSION If you are a bodybuilder or avid gym-goer, you probably hate the guy who grunts like a beast while pumping iron. Not only is it annoying, it’s also distracting – right? At my gym, for example, there’s a sign that tells members straight out: “No loud grunting.” But maybe it’s time for all of us to rethink our reaction to these guttural sounds. That’s because a new line of research suggests grunting helps athletes to [boost power](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-a-term-bodybuilders-must-know/). I’m not making this up. Investigators at the University of Hawaii at Manoa asked 22 students with little to no marital arts experience to kick the heck out of a 100-lb boxing back. Eleven were male and eleven were female. As part of the experiment, some of the participants grunted during the “kick”. Others stayed quiet. Here’s what researchers observed: The participants who got all loud and grunted when striking the bag exerted a **whopping 9% more power** when compared to the others who remained silent. That’s kind of a big deal because as most bodybuilders know, the more power you can generate, the more likely you are to build strength – over the course of time. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/NDXMjsaUTGSPK/giphy.gif?resize=241%2C425&ssl=1) Curious about this study and its implications for weightlifters, Guy Counseling spoke to certified personal trainer David Hochbaum. He is a [fitness expert](https://davesfit4u.com/) in Chicago who works with guys trying to pack on muscle. “I encourage most of my clients to grunt when they lift \[weights\] because it helps with getting through a difficult movement. But I also tell them they don’t need to scream when they do it. It’s possible groan and not call attention to yourself,” said Hochbaum. “Maybe it’s a primal response. I have no idea. All I know is that in some situations, it helps,” he adds. The study, appearing in [PLOS ONE](http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0192939), suggests grunting can be seen in two ways. 1\. A good thing because it helps the person exert more power or; 2\. Not such a great thing because it rattles others, causing them to lose focus. FYI: On point two, many people believe tennis players who grunt during a match are cheating; meaning they intentionally make these types of sounds because they know it distracts their opponent. So, is there a middle ground? Hochbaum thinks so. “Most people at a gym don’t mind some noise. It’s the screamers and yellers who folks despise. Just don’t be super loud. It’s not that hard,” he said. So, there you have it, folks. Go ahead and get your grunt on while lifting weights. There are very real benefits to be realized. Just don’t be a jackass when you do it. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Grunting, gym, Power, Strength --- ### [Here's The Best Natural Anti-Aging News We've Heard All Year](https://guycounseling.com/exercise-can-slow-down-aging-says-science/) **Published:** March 9, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man exercising](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-exercising-678x381.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Short Story When you make exercise a part of your daily life, you’ll not only feel better – but look younger, according to a newly released study. ## Long Story I’m forever encouraging my clients to include some type of physical activity as part of their daily routine. That’s because we’ve long since known that exercise helps with mood challenges, [like depression](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) and anxiety. Now, there’s a new line of research that suggests another benefit of exercise: slowing down the aging process. Yep, that’s right. A recent study published in *[Aging Cell](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/10.1111/(ISSN)1474-9726)*, conducted by the folks at The University of Birmingham and King’s College London have found that it’s possible to father time at bay. The goal of the investigation was to assess the impact of regular exercise on adults who included physical activity as part of the lifestyle. To conduct the study, they recruited amateur cyclists (125) who were between the ages of 55-79. There were 41 female participants and 84 males, respectively. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/4NeQj6FoHCNTG/giphy.gif?ssl=1) To qualify as a participant, the guys had to be able to cycle 62 miles (100 km) in less than 6.5 hours. The women needed to bike the same distance but in less than 5.5 hours. Folks who smoked, heavily consumed alcohol or had other serious health conditions were excluded. **More:** [Heavy drinking and smoking makes you look older](https://guycounseling.com/premature-aging-smoking-drinking/) As part of the study, scientists asked the participants to undergo a variety of lab tests. Researchers then compared the results to 130 folks were healthy but did not regularly exercise. Ages ranged from 20-80. Here are the highlights of what they discovered among the older cyclists: - Strength and muscle loss changes **were not recorded**. - Cholesterol and body fat **did not increase**. - Testosterone among men **remained high**, suggesting the guys make have been able to skip past male menopause. - The immune system of those who regularly exercised **did not appear to have aged**. When you break it all down, this means that we now have evidence to suggest ongoing physical activity can help to slow down the negative effects of aging. Janet Lord, who is Director of the Institute of Inflammation and Ageing at the University of Birmingham said the following about the study’s findings in a press release. “Hippocrates in 400 BC said that exercise is man’s best medicine, but his message has been lost over time and we are an increasingly sedentary society. However, importantly, our findings debunk the assumption that aging automatically makes us more frail.” The study appearing in the Aging Cell follows another line of research that was released in late 2017 that suggests regular aerobic exercise may offer [memory-boosting benefits](https://guycounseling.com/aerobic-exercise-memory-2801/) and slow down dementia. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Aging, Anti-Aging, Exercise, Strength Training --- ### [Just for Men Beard Dye Review - Does It Work?](https://guycounseling.com/just-for-men-beard-dye-review/) **Published:** March 7, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![bearded man just for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/bearded-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Just for Men Beard Dye Review** Are you thinking of getting a box of Just for Men Beard Dye? Hoping to blend away the grey? Trying to find something that doesn’t scream fake? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. That’s because I recently started using this product. I’ll level with you – over the past few years, my facial hair has started to take on a whitish look. Not that there’s anything wrong with a little grey. But too much  can make a dude look older than he wants to, you know? So, after giving it some serious thought, I decided to buy a box at my local pharmacy. What follows is my experience with Just for Men Beard coloring –  plus a few suggestions in the event you decide to give it a try. Let me state now that I’m not getting a dime from the folks at Combe (the manufacturer) for writing this review. Oh, before I forget – some guys may be allergic to hair coloring products. If you’ve never used one before, I highly recommend that you conduct a [skin allergy patch test](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hair-dye-reactions/) 48-hours in advance of total application. **Moving on to answering the question – does Just for Men work?** In the three months that I’ve been using, I have to say I’ve been pleased. However, it took time for me to figure out what color best matched my natural look. What I learned was that because my hair is jet-black, using their “M-55” product worked best for my needs. In case you are wondering, I did try different dyes. But I quickly discovered that it’s critical to match the hair atop your heard with the color of your beard. Otherwise, the two will conflict and look fake (big time). But once I got that part down pat, the rest was pretty easy. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to use Just for Men. You simply unscrew the cap from both tubes, squeeze equal amounts of liquid into the tray, and use the brush handle to mix. After that’s done, you apply the dye to your beard. That’s it. Now *how* you apply the coloring gel is a different story. There are tons of articles online about this so I’m not going to waste anytime reinventing the wheel. That said, it might not hurt to head on over to YouTube and watch some of the videos people have made offering tips. What I can tell you is that I’m using this coloring twice a week. Because I typically [wear a short-beard style](https://guycounseling.com/create-goatee-style-rocks/), I’ve found that it’s best to apply a day or two before shaping. I know other guys reading this may have a different approach so I don’t want to say my way is the “right way”, you know? ## Does Just for Men Beard Coloring Work? So, does it work? Is it natural looking? All I can say is that I’ve been very happy. With an average retail price of $7.99, I’d be hard-pressed to say it’s expensive. In my case, one box seems to last for an entire month. I can also say that the feedback I’ve received from friends and family has been positive. Yes, I’ve had a few buddies poke fun at me. Not because the color looks fake. Instead, they are just doing it because that’s what buds do. ## Any Suggestions? What I’ve learned is that on the first day you apply the coloring, it goes on very dark. But that fades a bit after twenty-four hours (give or take). So, I guess what I am saying is you might want to use the night before an event or the evening before the start of a new work week. You may read reviews online from other dudes who say the product stinks and that it doesn’t look right. Hey, I certainly respect that. The only thing I can do is share my experience here. At the end of the day, you will be the one to make the final decision about buying. Do YOU use Just for Men Beard coloring? What’s been your experience? Is it worth the money? I’d love to hear your comments below and I bet a lot of other guys reading this post would too. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News **Tags:** Beard, Beard Dye, Beards, Coloring --- ### [Are Millennials Facing a Retirement Savings Crisis?](https://guycounseling.com/millennials-savings-crisis-361/) **Published:** March 6, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Millennials](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/young-man-stressed.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **New study suggests potential financial troubles for millennials** If your grandmother urged you to save for a rainy day, she did it for a reason. That’s because she likely knew the importance of putting away money for retirement. Well, it turns out that a large swath of the American public isn’t heeding granny’s advice. A new study released by the University of Missouri (MU) suggests **only 37.2** percent of working millennials have some type of retirement vehicle. That’s kind of a big deal when one considers a 2015 U.S. Census survey shows that this age group makes up roughly 25% of our population. According to the study’s authors, published in the *[Family and Consumer Sciences Research Journal](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/fcsr.2017.45.issue-3/issuetoc),* the findings could indicate younger people badly need more education around planning for the future. “I’ve don’t make enough to invest in my company’s 401k plan. I can barely pay my bills now,” said Stephen McBride, a 32-year-old Chicago man who Guy Counseling spoke to about his retirement planning efforts. McBride is employed in the IT sector for a large Fortune 500 company and is married with a 2-year old. “My wife works full-time too and can’t contribute to her plan either. We both have student debt – plus the baby,” he adds. In looking at metrics, he’s not the only one struggling with socking away dough. ![money](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/money-cash-dollars-bills.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are millennial saving enough for the future? ## A look at the numbers Rui Yao, an associate professor of personal and financial planning at MU, along with doctoral candidate Guopeng Chen, conducted the investigation. **Related:** [Can buying a coffin online save money on funerals?](https://guycounseling.com/costco-coffin-review/) The duo pulled data from the 2013 survey of consumer finances, put out by the Federal Reserve System, to assess the savings behaviors of millennials. To be eligible for inclusion in their study, a person needed to have at least a year of employment. That’s what many employers require before someone can contribute to a retirement plan, like a 401-K or 403b. Here’s what they found out: - Just 37.2 of millennials had a retirement account of some type. - Black respondents had 52.9% lower savings for retirement when compared to their white counterparts, even though both groups shared the same income. - Millennials with a college degree were more likely to have a retirement vehicle when compared to folks who just had a high-school diploma. But the advanced degree holders socked away (as a percentage) less. - Just 17.6% of self-employed millennials had a retirement vehicle of any kind. In a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-03/uom-man030518.php) about the study, Yao and Chen theorize that because millennials are less likely to have things like pension plans – something older generations once enjoyed – they are now required to shoulder greater responsibility for their golden years. Complicating matters are uncertainties about the future of social security, coupled with the fact that millennials are on track to live longer than previous generations. A recent report by the [Pew Research Center](http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/03/01/defining-generations-where-millennials-end-and-post-millennials-begin/) offered a working definition of millennials, suggesting that persons born between the years 1981 and 1996 fall into this category. When you do the math, we’re talking about folks who are currently 22-37 years old. **Categories:** Field Notes, News **Tags:** Finances, Millennials, Money, Retirement, Savings --- ### [What Makes a Car Manly?](https://guycounseling.com/makes-car-manly/) **Published:** March 4, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![ford pontiac 1968 muscle car](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/ford-thunderbird-t-bird-car.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Manly cars explored** Consumer psychology has always fascinated me, particularly the buying habits of men. That’s why a recent conversation I had with a buddy about manly cars was so entertaining. My friend Keith, an early 40’s married aircraft mechanic recently purchased a vintage 1968 Ford Thunderbird. If you are of a certain age, you may remember this vehicle. Some may disagree but I would categorize this baby in the [muscle car family](https://guycounseling.com/7-reasons-guys-like-classic-muscle-cars/). When he offered to let me take it for a spin, I’ll admit I was super impressed. With a V-8 engine and 315 horsepower, the car was very fast. Moreover, you could actually “feel” the weight of this vehicle; unlike so many cars today that leave you woefully disconnected from the machine. After complimenting him for his choice and making small-talk about the history of the car and the history of the Ford brand, I asked him one simple question. *What made you buy it*? His answer was very simple. He told me that he wanted something manly. “I like cars that vibe out man bro – the more rugged the better,” he said. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/vNQ17HQwlh/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) It took me a few moments to absorb what he had shared. In many ways, Keith is the [quintessential rugged type](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/): jeans, flannels, boots, and a beard are his normal look. ## Masculine car choices Curious, I wanted to know why he didn’t get something like a Camaro or a pickup truck. They are also considered masculine, right? Plus, you can haul a lot of things around in them, in addition to family members (Keith has two 10-year old girls plus his wife). The funny thing is when I asked my question, he didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know. I guess I just liked the car,” he said with a chuckle. What Keith didn’t know that I did was that many guys who fall between the ages of 40-60 often experience a [mid-life crisis](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/001100007600600102?journalCode=tcpa). You’ve probably heard of this, right? That’s when a man sometimes feels trapped by his life circumstances and is looking for change; a reconnection to his youth. **More:** [Learn about the 67 Chevy Camaro](https://guycounseling.com/camaro-1967-facts/) For some guys, it might mean getting a tattoo. Others join the gym. And in rare cases, some dudes will cheat on their spouses as a way of proving to themselves they are still attractive. ## Manly cars are subjective In Keith’s case, I already knew that he struggled with having a sense of identity. In the months leading up to the car’s purchase, he had been complaining that he never had time for himself. This made sense because it’s a natural byproduct of family life. But his self-observation also helped to contextualize what that Thunderbird was all about: **The car lets him get in touch with his inner man.** Conventional wisdom holds that masculine cars are all about size. For example, the GMC Sierra ranks as one of the most popular vehicle types among men, according to [Ranker](https://www.ranker.com/list/manly-cars-most-popular-cars-for-men/thebard). But does size really equal masculine or is there something more? My own thought is that it’s not so much about what the car looks like but instead, what a guy can do with it. For Keith, his ’68 Thunderbird gave him a project. The Ford allows him to spend time in his garage fixing her up. And let’s face it – most guys **need a hobby** – in many cases manly hobbies where they can use their hands. That may sound like a hypermasculine statement. It’s not meant to be (honest). Instead, I’m simply suggesting that sometimes for a dude to be a dude, he needs to channel all of that testosterone flowing through his system somewhere. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not all about sexual conquests either. https://www.instagram.com/p/BeQpSMdlkDf/?tagged=68thunderbird So, at the end of the day – what really makes a car manly? The answer largely depends on the guy driving it. In many ways, the vehicle itself is an extension of his persona – and a channel from which to broadcast who he wants to be. I really like Keith’s ’68 Thunderbird. It’s obvious to me that he gets a big kick out of owning and driving it. The hours he spends fixing her up is likely worth its weight in gold on the mental health front. That said, he’s probably paying a fortune to replace parts! But if it helps him to feel more in touch with himself, who can say that’s a bad thing? Oh, here’s the best part. He has marked his territory with this vehicle and won’t let his wife drive it. Little does he know she isn’t interested. Yep, I’m aware of this because she whispered it in my ear: “I don’t want to get behind the wheel of that monster!” she said as we exchanged a laugh. His little girls are a different story. They are already talking about taking over the Thunderbird when they get their drivers licenses. I have a feeling by the time that happens, Keith will have moved on to a different ride. What’s your definition of a manly car? Feel free to share in the comments section. **Categories:** Field Notes **Tags:** Automotive, cars, Hobbies, muscle cars --- ### [5 Life Cycle Stages of Groups Leaders Need to Know](https://guycounseling.com/stages-groups-teams-331/) **Published:** March 3, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![group stages](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/team.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Teams work in stages. How many do you know?** If you have ever [led a team](https://guycounseling.com/leadership-theories-made-simple/) or simply been part of a group, you may have noticed there is a certain ebb and flow that occurs. The longer the team remains together, the more cohesive the group becomes. What you may not be aware of is that teams operate on a life cycle. Simply put, there is a beginning, a midpoint, and an end. While this point may seem obvious, there are certain behavioral characteristics that occur which can give clues to progress. What follows are five team life cycle stages for most groups that might surprise you. As you read through each, reflect on teams you have been part of in the past. **Do any of these seem familiar?** ![five group stages in psychology ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=513%2C325&ssl=1)Five stages of groups ## 1) Forming Stage This is when a team first gets together and begins to hold meetings. Typical characteristics include: - Introductions - Personal disclosure of information (ex: “I’m from Chicago”) - Getting comfortable with one another - Identification of group tasks - Typically, people are courteous to one another and exercise caution during communications. ## 2) Storming Stage During this phase, group members will often compete with one another for status, power, and control. - Someone may try to position themselves as [the alpha](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) - Disagreements may pop up about procedure or rules - External pressures may interfere with group interactions - Conflict can rise between individuals - Strong personalities usually emerge. When two or more are present, there can be difficulties with decision making. ## 3) Norming Stage At this point, the group begins to settle into a state of homeostasis. Cohesiveness begins to strengthen. - Cooperation is a typical by product of discussions - Balance between competing personalities occurs - Group norms start to take hold that guide behaviors - Trust in fellow teammates starts to rise - The mission of the group becomes more clear - Focus increases ## 4) Performing Stage When a group has reached this point, everyone pitches in and attends to previously agreed upon deliverables. - People understand who is responsible for certain tasks - The fruits of the group’s labor are more obvious - Trust increases among members of the team - Task assignments are completed efficiently ## 5) Adjourning Stage At some point, groups will eventually adjourn. While not always the case, there is usually a formal understanding that the team’s work is done. - Group reviews accomplished goals - Reflection time is often built in to identify wrap up activities as part of winding the group down - A final report may be created for dissemination to organizational leaders or employee groups ## Bringing It All Together In the field of organizational psychology, it’s important to know about the five stages of groups because the insight can help a leader better understand team dynamics. The hard truth is that groups often have difficulty getting along, particularly during the initial stage (forming). But after time, the friction begins to dissipate. Exercising patience can go a long way in helping the team organically progress. **Categories:** Career **Tags:** Business, Career, Leadership, Organizational Psychology, Team --- ### [Can Nature Help With My Depression?](https://guycounseling.com/nature-depression-323/) **Published:** March 2, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/man-outdoors1-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Learn how spending time outdoors helps ameliorate the symptoms of depression and anxiety. One of the first things people want to know after receiving a diagnosis of depression is: *Can I do anything that doesn’t require pills?* The question is perfectly valid. If you ask most folks, they’d rather not take psychotropic drugs. This point is particularly true for guys who, thanks to hypermasculine thinking, believe “real men don’t get depressed”. The hard truth is they do. [See this men and depression post](https://guycounseling.com/10-smart-things-men-depression/) to learn more. At any rate, when I’ve been asked about alternatives to medications, I generally try to recast the question. In other words, my goal is to help the asker to understand that there isn’t just “one thing” that works. I wish there was – truly. But the reality is that most folks who live with a mood disorder need a combination approach to feel better. Here, I am talking about traditional talk-therapy, medication, and something else – like physical activity. ## Movement Helps Oh, didn’t you know? Moving your body is a powerful way to combat depression. Ideally, you will try to do something meaningful, like [resistance training](https://academic.oup.com/biomedgerontology/article/52A/1/M27/550225) or cardiovascular exercise. But the world isn’t ideal and the gym isn’t for everyone. So, what are the options? Can you do anything else to lift your mood? According to some lines of research, the answer is yes – big time. And in most cases, it won’t cost you a cent. It’s called nature therapy, also known as eco-therapy or green therapy. ![nature and well-being](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/counseling-services.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Nature and mood – notice the colors ## **What is Nature Therapy?** When you strip away all the psychological jargon, *nature therapy* is nothing more than a person joining with the larger system of life. The driving principle is that none of us are an island unto ourselves but instead, part of something bigger. Because people living with depression often isolate, it is believed that being outside helps the individual break-free of their thoughts while encouraging movement. ## Benefits of Nature Therapy When you reflect on this point, it kind of makes sense. If you are mindfully allowing the grass to touch your feet or lasering your awareness on a babbling brook, you aren’t focusing on your loneliness or crushing sadness. This isn’t to say nature is totally curative. It’s not. But it is to suggest that being outside can help you to feel better (Chalquist, 2009). When you combine eco-therapy with other forms of standard treatment (meds, counseling), the trio can pack a massive blow to depression. Walking up hills, hiking on a path or building a campfire all involve movement. In turn, these kinds of activities encourage the stirring of mood-lifting brain chemicals called *endorphins*. If you’ve ever taken a vigorous walk or banged out several arm-curls at the gym, you know what I’m talking about. Endorphins create **powerful feelings of wholeness and wellbeing**. But wait – there is more. When you are in nature and taking in the views from a scenic environment – like a lush forest – the optics your brain receives can encourage a sense of happiness. That’s because certain colors, like greens, blues, and yellows, can positively impact mood. And you don’t have to be in a warm- weather place to experience a benefit. For example, taking a walk through the wintry woods while the sun passes through the trees may be just enough to help promote inner peace. ![Nature and depression benefits](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/backpacking-tips-wilderness.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)When is the last time you spent time outdoors? One thing many people do who partake in nature therapy is to engage in gratitude exercises. An example might be giving thanks to your higher power for being present in the moment. Another example might be laughing after recalling a happy memory. Not long ago, a research study was released that demonstrated war veterans experienced massive relief from symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) through [horseback riding](https://guycounseling.com/veterans-ptsd-horseback-riding/). While many of the benefits realized were linked to the relationship riders had with their horses, the fact is all of it took place outdoors. **If veterans can benefit from being in nature with animals, how might you benefit from something similar?** It’s certainly something to think about, right? As mentioned earlier in this article, eco-therapy alone will not cure your down mood. But it can complement things you are already doing help lift your spirits. Moreover, nature therapy allows you to employ all of your senses. This means *listening* to the birds*, seeing* the squirrels, and *smelling* the fresh air. Finally, the silence of nature helps to quiet thoughts and calm the mind. Even 20-minutes can do wonders. But for that to happen, you’ll need to get up and move towards the front door. If you are depressed, talk to your doctor. When considering treatment options, ask about complimentary alternatives, like eco-therapy. You may find that being one with the environment is just what mother nature ordered to boost your mood. — Image credit: Pixabay References: Chalquist, C. (2009, August 2009). *A Look at the Ecotherapy Research Evidence*. Retrieved from Ecopsychology: http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/eco.2009.0003 **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, nature, Outdoors --- ### [7 Benefits I Experienced After Quitting Drugs and Alcohol](https://guycounseling.com/drugs-alcohol-quitting-benefits/) **Published:** February 27, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-ourdoors.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## I was addicted to drugs and alcohol– and still am. My sobriety has been an amazing gift  ***Nine years***. That’s how long ago I decided to make the positive change in my life and get [sober](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1097/01.ALC.0000153544.83656.3C/full). It was probably the best decision I could ever make. The journey hasn’t been easy, but all of the rewards have easily surpassed the difficulties and the struggles I have faced. I still remember my time dealing with alcohol and drug abuse like it was yesterday. Every single day of my sobriety since I made the decision get sober has required immense mental fortitude and personal strength. The thing is, your personal demons will always be with you as you are working towards sobriety. The key is learning to confront them head on and to replace your bad habits with positive ones. The good news is that things definitely get easier over time. At the height of my addiction, I was always looking to alter my state of mind. But I’m done with that now. And today  I can honestly say I am living my best life. I am a successful entrepreneur, fitness enthusiast, and a positive thinker. Now, instead of waking up every day looking forward to my next high, I look forward to bettering myself and making a lasting positive impact on the world and the people that matter most to me. It took a serious fall from grace, which led to my spending time in jail on drug-related charges, for me to realize that I had no choice other than to make a dramatic change in my life. I decided to get sober and haven’t looked back since. I have experienced countless positive effects on my body and in my life since I decided to get sober. Below, I’ve prepared a list of 7 of these compelling positive outcomes that I have experienced since quitting drugs and alcohol in hopes that it will inspire you to make a change in your life. Remember, **a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step…** ## ![seven tips going back to college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1)1. Increased Self-Esteem Sure, the first days of my recovery were extremely tough. The chemical composition of my brain was so used to relying on drugs and alcohol to get through the day that my body physically demanded those substances to function. However, by checking myself into drug rehab, I was able to deal with those urges with the help of professionals. After I started seeing real progress with my recovery, [my self-esteem started improving](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) dramatically. I felt better about myself because I knew I was taking the appropriate steps towards living a healthier life. This increased self-esteem has already led to countless blessings and opportunities, and every day ahead brings even more. ## 2. Improved Self Image At the height of my addiction, my physical appearance had been affected dramatically by all of the substance abuse I had put my body through. I was an addict, therefore I looked like an addict. A few weeks after I quit using alcohol and drugs, I started to notice the bags under my eyes disappearing. My skin began clearing up and, after a while, even glowing. I was getting back to a healthy weight and started seeing myself in a new light when I looked in the mirror. This improved my self-image and what I thought of myself when I was out in public. I gained more confidence in myself and it paid off in a big way with regards to all of my relationships and interactions with other people. ![drug and alcohol rehab](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man_meditating_-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)My self-image improved ## 3.  More Energy Another powerful benefit of quitting my drug and alcohol abuse was a large increase in my energy levels. When I was using drugs, I constantly felt drained and lethargic every day when I woke up until I used. I needed those substances to function. After a few weeks of sobriety, I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for anything that the day brought my way. I was amazed at how much I could accomplish in a day due to the increased energy I had. ## 4. Stronger Focus Level During my struggles with addiction, I was kind of just floating through life without any real direction. I wasn’t progressing with my work, my relationships, or my finances. Honestly, I was only focused on supporting my drug and alcohol habits. After I cut those substances out of my life, I gained a razor-sharp focus. I began learning about digital marketing and entrepreneurship and decided it was a path I wanted to take. My days began to have true meaning, and, although some days have been hard, I haven’t looked back ever since. ![man sleeping](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/man-sleeping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)I slept so much better ## 5.  Better Sleep Another strong physical benefit to quitting drugs and alcohol is receiving a much better night’s sleep. Sleep is absolutely paramount to living a healthy life and feeling good as you go about your days. The drugs and alcohol I was abusing were negatively affecting my sleep patterns and circadian rhythm. After I quit, I started sleeping like a baby and waking up reinvigorated on a daily basis. ## 6. No More Brutal Hangovers Anyone who has gone out for a night of binge drinking will tell you, the next morning is a struggle. A hangover is basically your body telling you “Hey buddy, this is what you get when you poison your body with gallons of alcohol!” They are never fun to deal with. Obviously, if you cut alcohol out of your life, you won’t have to suffer any more crippling hangovers in the morning and can start your day on the right foot rather than spending the day recovering in bed. ## 7. More Meaningful Relationships Let’s be honest, when you drink alcohol, your standards can be significantly lowered in terms of the romantic partners you are looking to attract. It’s an unfortunate reality of binge drinking, we tend to make decisions we wouldn’t otherwise make if we were sober. After I quit drinking alcohol, I started focusing more on meaningful relationships with partners who  I would be proud to bring home to mom. If you stop drinking alcohol, you can avoid lowering your standards and having to deal with [drunken hookup regrets](https://guycounseling.com/beer-goggles-hook-behaviors-1223/). ## **Wrap Up** As you can tell, there is some true life-changing positive effects to be gained by cutting drugs and alcohol out of your life and getting sober. Staying sober is a process, but with the right support from the people around you and a strong mindset I know you can reap the rewards that sobriety will bring! Have you experienced any of the positive effects above after getting sober? Which of these benefits is the most important to you? Please leave a comment below to share your thoughts with our community! — This post was authored by Guy Counseling contributor, Andy Marcia with North Point Recovery, a [drug and alcohol rehab](https://www.ashwoodrecovery.com/blog/how-can-you-convince-someone-to-go-to-rehab/) facility in Idaho. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Addiction, Alcohol, Drugs, Recovery, Sobriety --- ### [Memory May Be Boosted By Small Amounts of Anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/memory-boost-anxiety-261/) **Published:** February 26, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/anxiety-man-meditation.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Short Version New research suggests that a little bit of anxiety may be helpful with boosting memory. But too much anxiety can diminish any benefits. ## Long Version We’ve all been taught to [associate anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/) as some kind of negative quality that needs to be controlled. But guess what: it turns out that in small amounts, anxiety may be beneficial. That’s what researchers have discovered at the University of Waterloo. Appearing in the *[Journal of Brain Sciences](http://www.mdpi.com/2076-3425/8/1/6/htm)*, investigators studied the effects of anxiety on 80 undergraduate learners. Lead by Doctoral student Christopher Lee and co-authored by psychology professor Myra Fernandes, the study sought to better understand the impact of anxiety on memory retrieval. Students were given an assessment called the Depression Anxiety Stress Scale (DASS); a commonly used instrument that has been shown to have a high degree of validity. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/memory.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)To conduct the experiment, participants were assigned to two groups (40 per group). One was given deep encoding instructions and the other, shallow encoding instructions. Oh, in case you are wondering – in the field of behavioral research, “shallow” refers to a subject being exposed to the structure and sound of a language. “Deep” means a participant was exposed to recently spoken words which can be mentally associated with other words holding similar meaning \[which help with reinforcing memory\]. Both groups were shown a set of 72 photographs that had words superimposed on them. The researchers classified 36 of them as neutral in nature. The other 36 were negative. An example might be an apple (neutral) vs. a plane crash (negative). Shallow encoding group members were instructed to locate the letter “a” while the deep encoding participants were asked if the word represented a non-living or living object. ## Findings The basic takeaway was that students who had manageable anxiety levels (per the DASS assessment) found it easier to recall certain details. Participants in the shallow encoding group struggled to recall certain words. However, if they had high anxiety, they had an easier time recalling material when it was linked to negative images. Essentially, what this means is that a small amount of anxiety may be a good thing because it can help us to remember specific details. But as Professor Hernandez warns in a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-02/uow-ach022318.php), there can be a breaking point where anxiety overload transforms into fear. The end result? Memories can become corrupted and therefore lose their value for accuracy. The other nugget of information that stood out about this study was that how we view objects or events in our world has an impact on how we experience – and remember them. **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Memory, Mental Health --- ### [What To Do When She Doesn’t Want a Second Date](https://guycounseling.com/doesnt-want-second-date/) **Published:** February 24, 2018 **Author:** Brian Tomasio **Content:** ![man woman dinner date](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-woman-dinner-date.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Women keep rejecting you for second dates. What can you do? Our dating gurus give practical guy advice on real-life issues ## His Question *Hi, Gurus,* *I’ve got a very basic problem that I’ve struggled with for some time. Here it goes. What do you do if you go on a date and things seem good – only to find out later she doesn’t want a second date?* *This has happened a few times to me and now it is starting to eat away at my confidence.* *-Mister Embarrassed* ## The Answer Hi, ME, These types of situations are always tricky because they speak to the very core of a man’s self-esteem: *Do women find me attractive? Do they like my personality?* Sound familiar? Here’s the hard truth – being rejected for a second date sucks. I could sit here and entertain you with a bunch of psychological mumbo-jumbo but the reality is this: you put yourself out there and got hurt. And so, it is like this – getting turned down for a second date is going to happen. Even if you are the [most charming guy](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) on the planet and look like Ryan Phillippe, and people perceive you as super confident – it still will happen. This point is particularly true nowadays where dating apps like Tinder and OK Cupid act as conduits for initial contact. She sees your face and you view hers. The both of you survive being proverbially swiped. At some point, contact is made. During the back and forth conversation, numbers are exchanged and an agreement to meet face to face happens. Yes, I’m talking about going out on an official date. It could be a quick coffee or something more formal like a dinner. Either way, it is still a date. Upon meeting, you instantly realize she’s a knockout. Her flowing hair and contagious laugh pull you into her snares. Hoping not to let on how attracted you are, you keep the conversation light. In turn, she mirrors your behavior and sticks to surface topics, like what she does for a living and how amazing her friends are. At the end of the date, confident things went extremely well, you suggest meeting again in the future – a second date. She agrees and you exit meeting believing something great is in the offing. **Except that’s not what happens.** When you call her and leave a message, you hear nothing back. After a day or two, confused about her silence, you decide to throw caution to the wind and send a text. The result is the same: silence. Wounded and confused, you swear off the entire business of trying to meet new women and delete your apps. “I’m going on a dating holiday,” you tell your friends, believing that taking a break is the right course of action. Does any of this sound familiar? The reality is a lot of men can’t stomach rejection. From early on in life, guys are taught to win and conquer. Chalk it up to hyper-masculinity if you want but most people reading this know this dynamic to be true. I’m super sympathetic to what you are going through. It’s only natural your [self-esteem becomes damaged](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/) after a girl says no. Stereotypically, we’re supposed to brush it all off and move on like some type of cowboy; rugged and strong with the ability to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. The reality is most of us aren’t built this way. Instead, we have feelings – like we are supposed to. And so, I’m here to say you should have a reaction (at least of some type) when you get turned down for a second meetup. ## ![sad guy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/pexels-photo-48566.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Second date rejection What I’d like to encourage you to do is look at rejection differently. Believe it or not, you can grow from these types of experiences and come out of it feeling more empowered – or at least better educated. I’m not going to BS you and say that being told no is a pleasant experience, but it doesn’t have to make you turn into a hermit either. The first thing to realize after getting turned down is that she probably doesn’t know much about you. Think about it for a moment. How well can anyone truly know another after a brief first encounter? What a lot of guys do is engage in the game of *[musturbations](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-04589-014)*. That’s a psychological term coined by Albert Ellis, the father of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy whereby a person jumps to conclusions. It goes something like this. *I **must** be unattractive because women are turning me down*. The “must” part of that sentence is the musterbation. It’s the tape you play in your mind repeatedly until it becomes your reality. And you know what else? That tape is highly toxic. That’s because, over time, it can lead to something even more toxic [called learned helplessness](https://guycounseling.com/10-gym-motivation-tips/) (see hyperlink for more). But here is the truth. When you go out on a first date, the person experiences a slice of you. Based on that interaction, they are guessing what you might be like in a relationship. Well, unless their agenda is something else, like a hookup, which isn’t that unusual with some folks – including guys. ## Second date turndowns can be a gift Regardless, it may be helpful to look at being rejected as a gift. Think of it as a moment for you to take personal inventory and revisit your marketing strategy – rather than a judgment of who you are. Maybe it’s time to look reassess your wardrobe. Does it need updating? How about your cologne. Is it time to switch to a new brand that is less overpowering ([see this men’s colognes page](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/)). And what about your online photos? Do they need updating because the images are old and not an accurate snapshot of the here and now? What can also be helpful is to ask for feedback from someone you trust. How do they perceive you? Think of this as an image consultation. Do you come off as boring? Uptight? Too eager? Knowing the answers may help you create change and sell yourself better. And let’s not BS ourselves – first dates are all about selling a commodity – in this case, you. Let’s talk about your body. You didn’t mention it but I am thinking other guys reading this are curious about your physical appearance. If you look great and are happy with your shape, check this area off. But if believe you could make improvements, why not do so? ![sharp dressed man talking second date](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/organizational-management.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Guy Counseling has plenty of articles on grooming to review, as do many other men’s websites. Only you will know what is needed by taking an honest and accurate assessment of your physique. If you do this, the goal isn’t to shame yourself or get all self-critical. Instead, you’ll want to identify what is going right and then figure out challenge areas that need improvement. Make sense? Look, I recognize what I am suggesting here may be vapid and shallow. In a perfect world, you would be judged on your positive qualities. But we don’t live in a perfect world – we live with the reality that women receive scores of suitors, and a lot of them are a-holes, and you’ve got to create the dynamic that demonstrates you are the cream of the crop. Tough to hear what follows (perhaps) but when you present yourself in an undesirable light, you are literally doing your better qualities a disservice. It’s kind of like being a product salesman. You go into the meeting [looking like Scott Eastwood](https://guycounseling.com/scott-eastwood-height-girlfriends-workout-routine-skincare/) but totally turn off your target audience. Why? Because your handouts suck, your PowerPoint presentation is blurry, and you vibe out a lack of confidence. In the end, nobody is interested in what you’ve got to sell – even if it is awesome. **This is the same dynamic that takes place with a first date, which can lead to a “yes” or “no” for a second date**. But even once you take a step back and review the things we’ve explored here, like revisiting your wardrobe, your body, and your general vibe, you can still get turned down for a second date. Perhaps not as often but it can still happen. Then what are your options? You need to allow for the possibility that the women you are meeting simply aren’t into you. Not in the sense that you are unattractive but instead, intuiting that it’s simply not a good match. Maybe you both have different interests. Perhaps she’s looking for something you can’t give. Who knows? At the end of the day, she’s likely doing you a favor by rejecting the second encounter, thereby sparing you a drawn out and unfulfilling experience that wastes your time. Be grateful! The trick is to not give up. Don’t let [dating anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/fix-approach-anxiety/) stop you from meeting someone. You’ll never connect with that special someone if you throw in the towel. Follow me? *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Grooming, Rejection, Self-Concept, Self-Esteem --- ### [Turn Off the T.V. and Get Moving or Risk Blood Clots, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/television-blood-clots-risks/) **Published:** February 21, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-watching-tv.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Big Picture Snapshot** Too much time in front of the television could be putting you at risk for developing blood clots, according to new study. We spoke to a doctor to learn more. ## Big Picture Guess what: spending hours in front of the television watching movies, sports, and other programming can be terrible for your health. That’s what researchers are saying in a study appearing in the *[Journal of Thrombosis and Thrombolysis](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11239-018-1620-7)*. Led by Master of Public Health student Yasuhiko Kubota at the University of Minnesota, Kubota’s team assessed the risk of prolonged television watching and the development of a condition called venous thromboembolism (VTE). FYI: The non-clinical name for VTE is blood clots. In many cases, these clots form in the legs. The result can be a VTE dislodging and then moving to an artery, thereby cutting off blood supply. Should the clot travel to the lungs, it can cause a life-threatening event known as pulmonary embolism (PE). While the data is somewhat scatted, the [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/dvt/data.html) estimate that between 60,000 – 100,000 people die each year because of PE. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/XhT868oxljs88/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Using a longitudinal risk study that started in 1987, Kubota’s team looked at health data from over 15,000 Americans who were between the ages of 45 and 64. The idea behind this investigation was to identify occurrences of VTE in participants. After reviewing hospital records in detail, they discovered **691 VTE incidents**. The research demonstrated that participants who were frequent television watchers had a 1.7 times risk of developing clots when compared to others who seldom (or never) spent time in front of the T.V. ## Expert Analysis Guy Counseling spoke to physician Dan Berger with [Northstar Health](http://nstarmedical.com/) about the study’s findings. “No surprise. I regularly encourage patients to limit television watching to just 60-90 minutes per day. Movement is important because it helps the blood circulate,” he said. “The problem is that many people sit in front of a set \[TV\] for hours. When you factor in other issues like being overweight, it puts you at higher risk for VTE. And it’s so easy to lose track of time when you are surfing channels. ” Berger adds. ## Research Author’s Observations Curious to know more, we also reached out to Kubota directly about the implications for his research. In an email, he shared the following: “People watching TV more than 5 hours/day appear to have an increased risk of VTE. If people want to watch TV for a long time, they should watch TV while moving around or standing up.” Kubota warns that even for people who are physically active, their exercise regime may not be enough to offset the negative effects of prolonged television watching. In a [press release](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-02/s-tot022118.php), he encourages people to be mindful of weight, increase physical activity, and turn off the television. — Photo credit: Deposit photos **Categories:** News **Tags:** Exercise, health, Rsearch, Study --- ### [Veterans with PTSD May Find Relief in Horseback Riding](https://guycounseling.com/veterans-ptsd-horseback-riding/) **Published:** February 11, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/mann-horseback-riding.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Weekly horseback riding therapy holds promise for PTSD suffering vets A new study released by the University of Missouri (MU) shows that military veterans who engage in therapeutic horseback riding (THR) may experience major relief from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). “I’m not surprised at all that veterans responded so well to this activity. For years, we knew that complimentary alternative approaches, combined with regular talk-therapy, can have a healing effect on people living with PTSD,” said [Dr. Gregory Harms](https://doctorharms.ipower.com/index.html/1901.html), a licensed Psychologist who helps veterans struggling with anxiety disorders. In simple-speak, PTSD is a condition where an individual experiences flashbacks, usually accompanied by high anxiety, after being exposed to something life-threatening. PTSD can also occur when an individual witnesses something traumatic or experiences some form of injury. For suffers of the disorder, it can be as if they are reliving the traumatic moment in the here and now. An example might be a combat soldier who was under enemy fire twenty-years ago and fearing for his life. Should this same person hear gunshots today, they may (momentarily) believe they are back in battle. “PTSD is insidious because it distorts time and space, wreaking havoc on people who live with recurring sensations of the terrifying event,” said Harms. For this line of research, investigators at MU recruited 29 participants from a local VA hospital to take part in the six-week study. To qualify, the person needed to have a diagnosis of PTSD or PTSD with traumatic brain injury. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/3og0IwBAKGtXhDRROE/giphy.gif?ssl=1) They were then asked to take part in THR once a week over a six-week period. Using a self-reporting tool containing 20-questions to assess the severity of PTSD symptoms, researchers checked in with participants at two points in time: week three and week six. The results? Participants showed a 67% decline in PTSD symptom scores by the end of the third week. By study’s conclusion in week six, there was an 87% drop in scores. The study has been published in *[Military Medical Research](https://mmrjournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40779-018-0149-6)*. https://media.giphy.com/media/3og0IwBAKGtXhDRROE/giphy.gif In the past, other lines of research have demonstrated THR has had a positive effect on people suffering from PTSD, helping individuals boost confidence and self-esteem while also upping social motivation. What’s interesting about this study is that all of the participants were Vietnam Veterans, meaning they have been living with PTSD for the past four to five decades. Harms, who looked at the study’s results, believes that therapeutic approaches like THR need to be incorporated into treatment plans for PTSD suffers where it makes sense. “THR is just one of several approaches clinicians should consider when helping veterans with PTSD. This is particularly true for men who may be resistant to sharing feelings as part of traditional talk-therapy,” said Harms. According to the study, approximately twenty-three million veterans experience significant symptoms of PTSD each year. Most researchers believe that number is much higher because many who struggle with the condition are reluctant to step forward. Photo Credit: Deposit Photos **Categories:** News **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, PTSD --- ### [Don't Ask for Her Last Name? WSJ Has It All Wrong, Says Expert](https://guycounseling.com/asking-last-name-first-date-ok/) **Published:** January 30, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![couple dating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-dating.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Trending news topics: Asking for a last name Apparently, asking for a girl’s last name on a first date is a big no-no. That is if you believe a recent article published in the [Wall Street Journal](https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-new-dating-no-no-asking-for-a-last-name-1516810482?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=&stream=top-stories). Nicole Hong, author of the piece suggests that a last name should only be requested after things become serious. But is this really true? Moreover, is it even right? Let’s face it – the process of meeting someone new has largely moved to the electronic world. Here, we’re talking initial interactions happening through popular dating apps, like Tinder and Zoosk. According to dating coach and [mental health counselor Kari Harrison](http://www.couplescounselingchicago.net/), asking someone for their last name shouldn’t be looked at as a negative. “In many ways, the apps have depersonalized things. You are essentially scrolling through a bunch of images and then choosing someone based on what they look like. But beyond their profile photo and what they list in their bio, what do you really know about them?” asks Harrison, who sat down for an interview with Guy Counseling. The specific reasons people feel uncomfortable sharing their last name according to Hong’s piece in the Wall Street Journal can be traced to worries about something embarrassing being discovered. An example might be a not so flattering picture on social media. There are legitimate worries of course. There are creepy people online who steal identities or the fakers who purposely [flirt](https://guycounseling.com/women-flirts-other-men-12261/) with the goal of catfishing. But the hard truth is finding out about someone, including their last name, isn’t all that hard nowadays. “One of the first things people do after meeting someone online is Google them. It’s not wrong to want to know who you are dealing with on the other side of the message exchange,” says Harrison. “There is an argument to be made that asking for a person’s last name helps to provide an extra layer of protection by verifying the person’s identity,” she adds. Part of making sure the person you are speaking to is real involves looking at their Twitter or Facebook account; something many people do, according to a recent article appearing in *[The Sun](https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4748406/the-rules-of-modern-dating-as-more-and-more-head-online-to-find-love/)*. So, is it okay to ask for her last name on (or before) a first date? Harrison seems to think so, provided there are no red flags. “Common sense goes a long way. If you’ve been chatting it up and have a reasonable amount of comfort, there is nothing wrong with it,” Harrison suggests. “But if you get a vibe something seems out of the ordinary, go with your gut. That said, if you do request her last name, be prepared to share yours – it’s only fair,” advises Harrison. **Categories:** News, Relationships **Tags:** Etiquette, First Date, Trends --- ### [Facebook Groups May Help Small News Sites Survive Recent Algo Changes](https://guycounseling.com/facebook-groups-small-news-sites/) **Published:** February 17, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/facebook-app.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Niche groups offer hope to smaller sites Last month, Facebook’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg made an [announcement](https://newsroom.fb.com/news/2018/01/news-feed-fyi-bringing-people-closer-together/) that sent shockwaves through the digital publishing world. Essentially, news content from smaller websites would no longer enjoy the same level of prominence on user feeds as they did in the past. Instead, personal posts from friends and family would be given a priority. Exceptions might include “breaking news” stories from pages with [high trust scores.](https://guycounseling.com/facebook-newsfeed-changes-2118/) As Facebook continues to roll out updates to its newsfeed, Guy Counseling wanted to know how small sites who heavily rely on the platform for traffic are adapting. What we learned is that topical interest groups have become extremely important. ## Changing traffic Days after Zuckerberg’s announcement, some publishers began ringing the alarm bells. [Sites](https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/local-news/facebook-is-taking-us-away-from-you-heres-how-to-keep-local-headlines-in-your-news-feed) like ABC Action News posted “How To” articles with the goal of educating followers on how to make sure their stories would still be seen. But were these steps necessary? According to some sources, the answer appears to be yes. [Redcode](https://www.recode.net/2018/1/25/16927676/facebook-algorithm-change-publisher-traffic-lose-advertising-reach-distribution) reports well-known brands like Bustle and Vice have already experienced Facebook traffic dips ranging between 18-29%. [Devin Randall](https://twitter.com/DevJackRan), a freelance blogger who authors pieces for various news websites told us the algorithm changes have been obvious. “Oh, organic traffic is a joke at this point. When I compare the hits my articles used to see on Facebook in December to what is happening now, it’s more than a fifty percent drop,” said Randall. “Recently, I’ve joined several interest groups, where I share my posts. That’s helped things considerably,” he added. ## Sites turning to groups Guy Counseling spoke to content distribution expert Josh Mesh with New Jersey based [Mindset Market](http://mindset.market/) about Facebook’s algorithmic changes to gain insight. “Smaller media outlets are now faced with the same challenge they’ve always had – how to stay relevant. They are going to have to adapt and do so quickly if they want to survive. An effective way to do this is by creating interest groups. I’ve been telling my clients this for some time now,” said Mesh. On Facebook, individual users and brands have the ability to create highly focused niche groups that cater to a user’s specific interests. For example, Men’s Health recently created a “[Men’s Health Community Group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/120380495347736/about/)” to distribute wellness related material for guys. “Content gets much higher priority on a newsfeed when it comes from a group a user has joined. It’s always been that way,” said Mesh. But if you think you can just create a group, pop in blog posts, and do nothing else, you may be disappointed. ![facebook social media](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/social-media-facebook.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Are Facebook groups the answer for small publishers? According to Eric Johnson, Digital Content Director with Minneapolis based [Feedback Wrench](https://feedbackwrench.com/), Facebook groups require a lot of work. “Starting a group, recruiting members, and then maintaining it is time-consuming. You constantly have to monitor member activity for spam while making quality contributions to keep people engaged,” says Johnson. “It’s okay to add a few stories from your site here and there but don’t overdo it. Otherwise, you will get dinged as a spammer and they’ll close your group down,” he adds. Johnson suggests a mix of pictures, videos, and posts, all connected to the group’s focus. Some have suggested small publishers create Facebook groups around their brand. [AdAge](http://adage.com/article/digital/facebook-reveals-plans-change-news-feed/312184/), for example, recently ran a piece recommending this approach. But Johnson isn’t sure this is the best strategy. “Think about it for a minute. If you are a classic car enthusiast, which are you more likely to join \[on Facebook\] – a muscle car group, operated by fellow classic car fans or a group sponsored by an automobile magazine?” he asks. “Smaller brands are going to have to really get to know their readers and create targeted, focused gathering places on Facebook. Unless your website has deep pockets for boosting posts through paid advertising, you’ve got to adapt. This may mean focusing more on high-quality content and then getting it in front of the people who are mostly likely to read it. On Facebook, that means groups,” Johnson adds. Brandon Seymour, a digital marketing strategist with [Seymour Consulting](http://brandonseymour.com/) shared his thoughts with Guy Counseling. “Organic reach on Facebook has been dwindling away for years. If you’re relying on organic visibility to reach your audience, then it’s time for a change, particularly if you are a smaller publisher. It’s all about groups now – plus whatever you can budget to boost key content,” says Seymour. Just how big can some Facebook groups get? Extremely large. For example, the ancestry focused group [DNA Detectives](https://www.facebook.com/groups/DNADetectives/) currently has 79,000 active members. “Oh, yes. Facebook groups can be a bonanza for a small publisher when they can get their content in front of big audiences,” Seymour said about groups like DNA Detectives. “But just remember, if you start a group and it grows into something huge, it’s going to eat up a lot of your time. Ongoing interaction is key.” Photo Credit: Pixabay **Categories:** News **Tags:** Facebook, Social Media --- ### [Owning a Pet May Be a Healthy Option for Your Mental Health](https://guycounseling.com/pet-ownership-mental-health/) **Published:** February 12, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man with dog high five](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/man-with-dog.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Study shows pets can help people with mental health challenges If you suffer from conditions like anxiety or depression, having a pet may be one of the best things you can do for your mental health. We’re not just saying that because folks at this blog are animal lovers. Instead, a new report in *[BMC Psychiatry](mailto:https://link.springer.com/epdf/10.1186/s12888-018-1613-2?author_access_token=bqMpjba17x_2mpBQHqNQpm_BpE1tBhCbnbw3BuzI2RMByrkDLiW5QcPvN4z2FIub9B4_6iXAszdPx_ocZOs4TSaJgLCjTD87xo3NW6qzYge4WsadMckXF5AZ-WLE9CMUXX_hWb7g80yI1uBzBoYmOg%3D%3D)* shows that people living with mental health challenges may benefit by having a furry little creature. ## The Short Story The research involved surveying seventeen different academic papers to assess the positive and negative impact of pet ownership for people struggling with various mental health conditions. What investigators found was that the pets acted as conduits for emotional and social nourishment, thereby helping the owner better manage their feeling states and moods. As part of the study, they also discovered that pet owners struggling with mental health issues like anxiety and depression became more social; a goal that is often the aim of traditional talk-therapy as a treatment outcome. Guy Counseling spoke to [Kari Harrison](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/kari-harrison-chicago-il/358521), a Chicago based psychotherapist about the study to get her take on the findings. “Pets have a way of helping people feel better about their life situation. For people struggling with different forms of anxiety and depression – and even PTSD – having a dog or a cat or other kind of pet can really be helpful,” said Harrison. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/OzjugO1GZzaxy/giphy.gif?resize=414%2C304&ssl=1) Recently, a study was released that showed military veterans suffering from PTSD might experience meaningful relief from symptoms through [therapeutic horseback riding](mailto:https://guycounseling.com/veterans-ptsd-horseback-riding/). We were curious about the connection between animals and the amelioration of emotional pain and asked Harrison her thoughts. “Animals – be it horses, dogs, cats or even rabbits – allow people to feel less isolated. That helps when someone is feeling down or anxious. What you’ll find is that when an owner has the ability to interact with their animal, like petting or playing, they tend to have a more stable mood. Plus, pet owners feel a need to be needed. That’s huge for someone with a mental health condition,” said Harris. If you struggle with a mental health challenge, this research seems to show that owning a pet might be a good option for symptom management. “It’s a good choice for people who isolate or feel lonely. Obviously, they need to be able to have the financial resources to care for an animal. But if they can afford it, they should. In some people, I’ve seen a complete turn-around in how they feel and look at life,” said Harris. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mood, Pets, PTSD --- ### [Worrying Uptick of Sexual Assaults at West Point](https://guycounseling.com/worrying-trend-sexual-assaults-west-point/) **Published:** February 10, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/screen-shot1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New data shows an alarming increase A troubling [new report](http://sapr.mil/index.php/reports?source=GovDelivery) suggests that the number of sexual assault cases has doubled in the last year at the nation’s premier military academy, West Point. Defense Department officials claim that the uptick is the result of ongoing efforts to get victims to come forward and tell their stories. But the significant increase may suggest more assaults are happening. And it’s not just women who are being victimized. While the large swath of cases involved females (12%) nearly 2% of men reported some kind of unwanted sexual contact. The biggest jump happened in the Army and Navy academies. Historically, [men have shown a reluctance](https://guycounseling.com/male-prison-rape-gay-straight/) to step forward and share their stories because they fear being perceived as weak or in some way unmanly. Guy Counseling spoke to [Merle Yoast](https://merleyost.com/), a licensed psychotherapist in California who has worked with men that have been raped or sexually harassed by other men for more insight. “There are many reasons that men are sexually assaulted. In war, it is all too common but rarely acknowledged. The sexual assault of a man is primarily about emasculation. The reason men are raped is to make them less of a man or to end their masculinity so that they are no longer perceived as a threat by the rapist,” said Yoast. Military leaders have suggested the increase in reported cases at West Point is a good thing because it demonstrates cadets are showing trust in the system and accessing treatment programs. But Yoast has concerns because many of the programs made available to victims of sexual assault are geared towards women. “Most services for sexual assault victims are for women. Only in the last few years have rape crisis centers begun to deal with male victims,” said Yoast. In 2016, the Defense Department [released a plan](http://sapr.mil/public/docs/prevention/DoD-Plan-to-Prevent-and-Respond-to-Sexual-Assault-of-Military-Men_Approved.pdf) to prevent and respond to sexual assault of military men. Inside, the document acknowledges that the research support services available to male sexual assault victims “lag behind” those available to female victims. Additionally, the report also acknowledges that men are less likely to step forward with their stories because they face “disbelief, blame, and scorn if they choose to report.” Meredith Alling, Development and Communications Director with the non-profit group [1in6](https://1in6.org/) said the following to Guy Counseling. “Lack of access to resources can also be a barrier to seeking help. The emotional impact of delaying recovery can systemically ripple out to every area of a survivor’s life—and the lives of those in his community. Men who do not get help risk exposure to greater physical health issues, including substance abuse, self-destructive behavior, and chronic health conditions, mental health issues, and social dysfunction,” said Alling. The new report indicates this is the fourth year in a row that sexual assault cases have increased at West Point. **Categories:** News **Tags:** military, Rape, Sexual Assualt, Veterans --- ### [Toe Warmers From HotHands: Good Deal or Rip Off?](https://guycounseling.com/toe-warmers-hothands-review/) **Published:** February 6, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/winter-boots-toe-warmers.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Review of Toe Warmers from Hot Hands Have you noticed those packets of Toe Warmers next to the checkout register at Walgreens? You know the ones I am talking about, right? The packaging is clear with an image of a gold sock radiating out heat. Well, if you’ve seen them, you may have wondered if they actually work. I know that I have. In fact, my curiosity about the product is what inspired me give them a try on a [recent winter camping trip](https://guycounseling.com/cold-weather-tent-camping/) in Wisconsin. And when I say winter – I’m talking about mid-January. What follows is a quick review of the product that is written with guys in mind. Not to be misogynistic but most of the people I know who are into cold-weather camping are outdoorsman. So, here is what happened. Just prior making the drive up north from Chicago to Devil’s Lake State Park in Baraboo, Wisconsin, I picked up two value packets of Toe Warmers from Walgreens. Each packet contains two warmers, priced at $3.00 each. After arriving at the campgrounds, I opened one up and placed the Toe Warmers (triangular shaped pads) on the bottom of my soles. Now to be fair, I need to disclose that I was wearing a pair of Sorel Conquests. That’s important to know because the boots are heavily insulated with 400g of Thinsulate Ultra. At any rate, once they were securely in place (they come out of the packet with adhesive) I slipped my feet into the boots. Now mind you, I was also wearing a pair of heavy duty wool socks that I picked up from Walmart. So, what was my experience? Did the product work? Did the Toe Warmers keep my feet warm or was the product a rip off? ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/OdOfTkw2uVADC/giphy.gif?ssl=1) Well, all I can tell you is that I spent most of the weekend outdoors with temperatures well below zero. During that time, the Toe Warmers did keep my feet nice and toasty. They are the hottest during the first 2-hours of use and then gradually begin to lose their heat. The packaging claims they work up to eight hours but that wasn’t my experience. Instead, it was more like six-hours. That said, I will say that when I was pitching the tent, [building a fire](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/), and fishing for Brown Trout, the pads did help to keep my toes from freezing. And I wasn’t the only person wearing them. I found out two of the guys I was camping with also had them on. Both shared with me that they liked the product a lot. FYI: One of them is a cross-bow hunter who wears them during the fall deer hunting season; an activity that is dictated by Wisconsin’s DNR. One personal observation I’d like to make is if you use the pads, **don’t place them on bare feet**. The packaging warns you not to do this because they can potentially burn you. Instead, the pads are to be positioned on the bottom of your boots, in between your soles and sox. So, are Toe Warmers from HotHands worth the money or are they are rip-off? In my experience, I have to say they worked well. One thing I didn’t like about them was their propensity to bunch up. But I think that could have been prevented had I spent more time pressing the pad’s adhesive material to the bottom of my soles. You will read other reviews on the web that suggest the warmers aren’t that great because they heat they offer is minimal. That may very well have been the case for some folks. Personally, I think much depends on the type of boot you are wearing. Have you used Toe Warmers from HotHands? If so, what was your experience? Feel free to share in the comment section below. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News **Tags:** Boots, Outdoors, Outdoorsman, Toe Warmers, Winter --- ### [Do Walgreens Men’s Disposable Razors Offer a Close Shave?](https://guycounseling.com/walgreens-mens-disposable-razors/) **Published:** January 31, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-with-beard-cowboy-flannel.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Looking for a low priced alternative, I tried the Walgreens brand men’s disposable razor. If you are a man who regularly shaves with a disposable razor, you likely know how expensive some blades on the market can be. In search of a low-cost alternative, I recently tried the *Studio 35 Men’s Disposable Twin Razor* from Walgreens. What follows is my product review. I’ll start out by saying that I am a big fan of Walgreens and that I often buy many of their brands. That’s why I was open to purchasing the company’s disposable twin-blade for men (Studio 35) a few weeks ago when I was out shopping. Ordinarily, I buy Gillette’s e Sensor 2 Disposable Razors (12 count) for an average retail price around $8.50. But when I was at Walgreens, I noticed they had a comparable product for $4.99. It was then I decided to give their razor a try. Believe it or not, shaving is a topic that comes up a lot with some of the guys I work with. Mostly, the conversations center on how much of a hassle shaving can be. Let’s face it – this is not an activity you can do in a rush! But I digress. The morning after purchasing the Walgreens razors, I decided to use one on my face. Armed with my handy-dandy can of Edge Sensitive Skin shaving cream (I typically use this brand) I pulled out a disposable from the package and got down to business. On the first stroke, I immediately felt a small nick on my neck. Hoping it was an isolated incident, I attempted to shave another part of my face. Sadly, I got the same result – a nick. On the third try, I was able to shave an area of my face without getting cut however, I could see that the blades were not really grabbing the stubble. That’s when I decided to fetch another razor from the package and try again. My thinking was that maybe I had simply grabbed a really bad razor and that a new one might offer different results. Well, I was wrong. The new one had the same issues. It tore up my skin. Moreover, upon visual inspection, it was obvious the blades weren’t catching my facial hair in any meaningful way. I ended up reaching for a spare Good News razor that was sitting in a travel kit. The difference was obvious. **So on to the question – do Studio 35, Walgreens Disposable Razors for men offer a close shave?** I can’t say that was the case for me. There are other reviews on the Internet where guys have shared they had a good experience with this product. I’ve even read some who have said they thought the razor worked better than the name brand. I wish I could say as much. At any rate, I encourage you to do some checking around because no two men have the same facial hair growth. Plus, the length of your stubble and the type of cream/gel you use may impact the quality of your shave. Have you used Walgreens Studio 35 disposables for men? If so, what has been your experience? Feel free to share in the comments below. Thanks for stopping by. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, News **Tags:** Facial hair, Razors, Shaving --- ### [Military Vet? You May Qualify For a Large Tax Refund](https://guycounseling.com/military-vet-tax-refund-combat/) **Published:** January 31, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![veterans soliders military salute](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/military-soliders-veterans.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New law restores money to veterans who were improperly taxed. If you are a U.S. military veteran, this blog post might be one of the most important news stories you’ll read this year. That’s because you could stand to gain a large tax refund from Uncle Sam. Seriously – it’s true. Thanks to the 2016 Combat Injured Veterans Tax Fairness Act (CIVTFA) that went into effect in 2017, over 133,000 former veterans may qualify for a serious chunk of change. Sometime over the next month, Defense Department officials will be sending out notification letters to vets to advise they may be eligible for the refund. [The Marine Times](https://www.marinecorpstimes.com/pay-benefits/mil-money/2018/01/30/over-133000-vets-may-qualify-for-this-tax-refund-windfall/) reports that people who qualify will have a year after receiving the notice to claim their refund. The CIVTFA mandates the Department of Defense identify veterans whose benefits were incorrectly taxed in the past. The notification letter will include information about the number of disability payments that may have been affected plus detailed instructions on how to apply for the refund. Apparently, an amended tax return will need to be completed in order to get the money. The current federal law stipulates that any service member who suffers a combat-related injury and becomes separated from the military receive a one-time, lump-sum payment. The amount is determined by rank and years of service. **The** **payout is not supposed to be taxed**. Unfortunately, the Department of Defense (DoD) took money out anyway. Part of the 2016 law requires the DoD stop this practice immediately. The Internal Revenue Service and the DOD have been working together to clarify the process, according to comments made to the Military Times by Army Lt. Col. David Dulaney, Executive Director of the Armed Forces Tax Council. CIVTFA is designed to restore money taken from vets dating back as far as 1991. The amount you may qualify for will largely depend upon the amount of time you served and your exit rank. To learn more, visit this post from *[The Tax Adviser](https://www.thetaxadviser.com/news/2016/dec/injured-veterans-improperly-withheld-taxes-201615746.html)* and keep your eye on the mail. **Categories:** News **Tags:** military, Taxes, Veterans --- ### [5 Benefits of Yoga for Men That Might Surprise You!](https://guycounseling.com/yoga-men-benefits/) **Published:** December 7, 2017 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![yoga man beach](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/yoga-man-beach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Here’s the real deal why men should partake in yoga  Yoga might not be the first practice that comes to mind when you think of manly fitness regimens. Being a guy in a yoga class, however, could be the start of an incredible routine. Practicing [yoga comes with numerous benefits](http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/png/ajhb/2009/00000033/00000001/art00001) to men’s physical, mental, and psychological health. Don’t let the stereotype that it’s girly or only for Instagram yogis deter you from signing up. Yoga is a centuries-old practice that could revolutionize your life. The “normal” exercises, fitness routines, and sports men enjoy like weightlifting or football have their own advantages, but can wreak havoc on the body. Throwing in a few sessions of yoga can repair the damage the other activities do, as well as lend their own benefits to the mind and body. Practicing yoga just once can open the door to a world of male strength, flexibility, and peace of mind. Explore five of the dozens of attractive benefits this approach to wellness offers men. ## **1. Flexibility** Yoga provides an excellent foundation for flexibility and strength men can carry with them into other sports and activities. It is not just the “fancy” positions that lend more flexibility, but the basic poses, as well. Gain physical flexibility you can use in your daily life, at work or in hobbies. Even something simple like the [mountain pose (tadasana)](http://manflowyoga.com/exercise-guide/mountain-pose/) can increase flexibility in your feet. Men who do any type of physical training know that range of motion is important. Inability to have range of motion while, say, weightlifting, can result in training a limited number of muscles – thereby limiting your functionality. Doing yoga can remove the limitations that tight muscle groups can impose on the body. Yoga can loosen tight joints in the shoulders, hamstrings, glutes, hips, and other problem areas, resulting in increased flexibility and better range of motion. Combining yoga with fitness routines can help evenly develop muscle groups and lead to better overall results. ## **2. Stress Relief  The breathing techniques men learn serve as a stress management tactic. Yoga is about marrying the breath with the body. Learning these methods help reduce cortisol, the stress hormone. Incorporating yoga in a fitness routine can serve to calm the mind, relieve stress or anxiety, stimulate brain function, and lead to deeper and longer sleep cycles. Engaging in this activity before or after a workout can help you feel good after training. It reduces blood pressure and prevents wear and tear on the body. Yoga is an outlet for relieving mental and emotional tension – especially for men who tend to internalize these feelings. During a session, a man can learn how to let go of stressors and cope with daily problems in a healthy, stable way. ## **3. Strength Building** On your first venture into the practice of yoga, it may surprise you to find how much strength many of the poses take. This activity is excellent for building core strength, better posture, and muscle tone, in general. Balance poses like [tree, or vrksasana](https://www.mensfitness.com/training/endurance/yoga-poses-tree-video), can build strength in the muscles in your core, thighs, groin, calves, and ankles. Other poses use body weight resistance to build strength elsewhere in the body. Yoga also helps unlock increased access to muscles you might not ordinarily use or strengthen. Over time, muscles can gain better hypertrophy (muscle enlargement on a cellular level) through this mindful activity. FYI: Doing yoga on top of other regimens can create more well-rounded muscle development. ![muscular strength defined](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/muscular-strength.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Yoga can help men gain muscle ## **4. Improve Sports Performance  Yoga is an active recovery workout. This means it improves muscle recovery by helping them stretch and gain flexibility. Well-stretched muscles can heal more quickly after a sports injury or strain. It can also help to prevent injuries from occurring to begin with, as your muscles will be more able to handle bends and blows. When you think about it, isn’t prevention better than trying to treat damaged muscles or torn ligaments? Incorporating yoga into a fitness regimen can improve sports performance by building flexibility and the ability to recover more quickly. By engaging in this activity just once per week can give your body the tools it needs to perform better during sports such as baseball, football, soccer, and basketball. Your muscles will have more strength and elasticity, helping you move more smoothly. ## **5. Practice Patience** Yoga is an ideal calming practice for busy men who are juggling work, relationships, families, and life in general. It teaches principles of patience, tolerance, and persistence you can carry with you throughout your daily life. Learning how to take a moment for yourself, without the hassles and stresses of life bearing down on you, can improve all aspects of your life. You’ll quickly learn how to treat everyday struggles with calm and patience thanks to your yoga practice. It also ties in with [mindfulness meditation](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/), a practice that is excellent for clearing the mind and letting go of frustrations. Mindfulness meditation dates all the way back to the first millennium BCE. It focuses on being present in the current moment instead of holding onto thoughts from the past. Yoga can generate present-moment awareness – a skill men can use to remain calm under stress. It is a great overall way to improve mental health and feel more confident and self-assured during daily tasks and hardships. ## **Bringing It All Together** Don’t let your own or others’ perceptions of stop you from reaping all the amazing benefits. Contrary to the stereo types, it’s not just for the ladies.  In truth, it is the epitome of manly strength and energy – from the inside-out. Yoga can help bodybuilders, weight trainers, athletes, physical laborers, office workers, stay-at-home dads…virtually every man. It’s even used in holistic addiction treatment programs, as a method for expanding one’s mindfulness, focus, mental abilities, coping mechanisms, and physical health. Remember, it’s not about doing each pose perfectly. Instead, it’s about meeting yourself where you are and learning ways to enhance and strengthen your physical and psychological well-being. Try a class today and enjoy the immediate results. It’s one thing every man needs to incorporate in his life. For additional reading on men’s health and fitness, visit the [Reflections Rehab blog](https://reflectionsrehab.com/blog/). — Offered by Guy Counseling contributer, S.Williams – Wellness Writer with Reflections. **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Meditation, Men, Strength Training, wellness, Yoga --- ### [New, Highly Sensitive HIV Swab Test On The Horizon](https://guycounseling.com/new-highly-sensitive-hiv-test/) **Published:** January 28, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![scientist microscope hiv](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/science.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## A new HIV oral swab test promises faster results A new oral swab test for HIV is being developed by researchers at Stanford University that promises to be between 1000 and 10,000 times more sensitive than current tests on the market. The higher sensitivity is important because the faster doctors can detect HIV antibodies in a patient, the quicker they can offer effective treatment options. “There’s nothing worse than the waiting period and so anything that helps speed up the process, the better,” said [Marcelo Gonzalez](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/marcelo-gonzalez-chicago-il/338614), a licensed mental health counselor in Chicago that Guy Counseling spoke to about the test. Gonzalez provides counseling services to men and women who are newly diagnosed with the virus. “The development of this test is extremely important because the sooner people know about their status, the quicker they can receive the medical and psychological support they need,” he added. A report published in the January 22, 2018, *[Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences](http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2018/01/12/1711004115)* revealed that in a sample of four dozen patients, the new oral swab test was 100% accurate. If scientists can replicate those results in much larger sample sizes, researchers believe it will be an important weapon in the fight against HIV. At present, the current swab tests can pick up HIV antibodies after a period of approximately six weeks. “For people who are concerned about possible exposure, having accurate information sooner may help helps lessen anxiety,” said Gonzalez during our interview. Carolyn Bertozzi, one of the Stanford researchers who helped to develop the new test, has been able to take antigens that carry the HIV virus and isolate their DNA signatures. In turn the signatures are then amplified. Use of oral testing (spit-tests) is preferred because they cost less than blood sampling and are less evasive. Additionally, HIV can’t be transmitted through saliva, which makes oral testing safer for doctors because there is no risk of a needle-stick. If everything goes as planned, the team at Stanford hopes to have the test on the market sometime over the next 18 months. **Categories:** News **Tags:** AIDS, HIV, Medicine, Testing --- ### [Storm Chasers Joel Taylor’s Death Highlights Dangers of GHB Use](https://guycounseling.com/ghb-dangers-joel-taylor/) **Published:** January 26, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![ghb joel taylor](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/GHB.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## GHB and hidden dangers Television personality and Storm Chasers star Joel Taylor died earlier this week while vacationing on a Caribbean cruise. While the cause of death is still being investigated by authorities, a number of [news outlets](http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/joel-taylor-discovery-channel-storm-chasers-dies-38-article-1.3775830) have reported the 38-year passed away after using the club drug, Gamma-Hydroxy-Butyrate (GHB). Guy Counseling spoke to Jared Heathman, MD about the substance. He is a Houston based [psychiatrist](http://www.yourfamilypsychiatrist.com/) who treats men and women from different backgrounds and is familiar with the drug. “GHB is a central nervous system (brain) depressant similar to alcohol. It’s clear and transparent, looking almost like water. At low doses, it can lower inhibitions, stimulate a euphoric state, and cause drowsiness,” said Heathman. He then ominously added, “Higher doses can lead to unconsciousness and reduce respiratory drive. Combining GHB with alcohol is particularly dangerous due to combined inhibitory effects on breathing.” Commonly referred to as “G”, the drug was once super popular in the 1990’s among gay men visiting circuit-parties. But the substance quickly fell out of favor when people mysteriously started slipping into comas and dying soon after using. **More:**[ ED in men may signal heart disease issues](https://guycounseling.com/heart-disease-study-1216/) Mark Solo, a former personal trainer who once partied with GHB and then stopped after realizing its dangers shared the following. “Quite a few of my friends in Los Angeles died from GHB-related causes. Their ages ranged from 20 to 60. Almost all were well-educated, fit and healthy,” said Solo. In highly concentrated forms, GHB often comes in tiny containers about the size of a hotel shampoo bottle (1-2 fluid ounces). One dose is usually a capful. There are typically 7-10 “hits” per bottle, according to the [GHB Project website](http://www.projectghb.org/content/what-ghb). What’s unknown to users of G are concentration levels. In other words, a person never knows how much GHB is contained in each dose. In the past, the drug has been tied to a number of [sex crimes](https://www.healthline.com/health/date-rape-drugs) where it has been slipped into an unsuspecting person’s drink, thereby rendering the individual unconscious. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Celebrity, Drugs, GHB, Substance Abuse --- ### [Are Two Drinks A Day Too Many For Some Men?](https://guycounseling.com/two-drinks-day-many-men/) **Published:** January 23, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![alcohol beer](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/alcohol.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men who consumed alcohol during late teens may be at increased risk for liver disease. A new [study](http://www.journal-of-hepatology.eu/article/S0168-8278(17)32442-X/fulltext) appearing in the *Journal of Hepatology* offers new insight into men who are at risk for liver disease. According to the research, males who consumed alcohol during their late teens appear to be at increased risk for developing cirrhosis of the liver. In the United States, current recommendations published by the [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention](https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/faqs.htm) (CDC) suggest that men drink no more than two alcoholic drinks per day. FYI: A drink is defined as a beverage containing .6 ounces of pure alcohol. As an example, the average 12 ounce can of beer contains around .5% alcohol. A glass of table wine contains around 12% alcohol. The study was conducted by the Centre for Digestive Diseases of the Division of Hepatology in Stockholm, Sweden. Hannes Hagström, the lead investigator said, “Our study showed that how much you drink in your late teens can predict the risk of developing cirrhosis \[a type of liver disease\] later in life.” ## How was the research conducted? The study involved collecting data from more than 49,000 men between the ages of 18-29 from a national Swedish population study conducted between 1969-1970. Over the course of nearly four decades, researchers tracked the causes of death for men through the National Patient Register and the Causes of Death Register. The findings revealed that 383 men had developed some form of the following health conditions: - Decompensated liver disease - Cirrhosis of the liver - Liver failure ## Is it time to revisit guidelines? Guy Counseling spoke with two experts about the findings. [Jared Heathman](http://www.yourfamilypsychiatrist.com/), a Houston based Psychiatrist said, “The CDC guideline recommends 2 drinks as a maximum per day, but the important take-away is that the CDC doesn’t specify a minimum amount of alcohol use. Ideally, alcohol should never be consumed as it has no real health benefits. The CDC probably realizes that there is little public health benefit in recommending a ban of all alcohol as few men would abide by such a recommendation,” he said. “Men would perceive the CDC to be out of touch with the American man and ignored. Instead the CDC provides a recommendation that most men would deem reasonable. A recommendation that is perceived as logical and attainable is more likely to be followed from a psychological perspective. I would recommend alcohol abstinence from a health perspective,” he added. Chicago based drug and alcohol counselor [Frank Moore](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/frank-moore-chicago-il/244709) made the following observations about the study’s findings. “If the research is accurate – and we have no reason to think it is not – the current guidelines \[for alcohol consumption\] may need to be revisited. Not just here in the United States but globally.” Moore, who offers counseling to young men who experiment with alcohol, also said the research may prove to be a powerful prevention tool. “I’d like to see a few more studies but I’m thinking this might be helpful information for drug and alcohol counselors needing something concrete to share with teens about alcohol abuse and health risks,” said Moore. Current CDC estimates suggest approximately 3.9 million Americans live with some form of liver disease. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Addiction, Alcohol, Beer, Liver Disease --- ### [Sorry Cardinals Fans, Grichuk Has Been Traded to The Blue Jays](https://guycounseling.com/grichuk-traded-blue-jays/) **Published:** January 22, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![randall g](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/randall-g.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **It may take time for him and fans to transition** Randall Grichuk, a 26-year old outfielder for the St, Louis Cardinals, was [picked up over the weekend](https://www.mlb.com/cardinals/news/blue-jays-trade-for-of-randal-grichuk/c-265032622) by the Toronto Blue Jays. The move comes at an interesting time for Grichuk who had developed a healthy following of Cardinal’s fans. Part of his appeal can be traced to his ability to engage followers; something he frequently does on social media platforms like Twitter. In fact, when official word broke that he was moving to Toronto, he immediately shared the news online. > We've acquired OF Randal Grichuk from the Cardinals in exchange for RHP Dominic Leone and RHP Conner Greene. > > Last season, Grichuk hit 22 home runs with 59 RBI and 25 doubles in 122 games. [pic.twitter.com/624iYWvEx2](https://t.co/624iYWvEx2) > > — Toronto Blue Jays (@BlueJays) [January 19, 2018](https://x.com/BlueJays/status/954462582328274944?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) > Thank you to the [@Cardinals](https://x.com/Cardinals?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) organization and fans for all the love and support you gave me over the past 5 years. While I am going to miss St. Louis, I am excited to start the next journey in my career with the [@BlueJays](https://x.com/BlueJays?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw)!! > > — Randal Grichuk (@RGrich15) [January 20, 2018](https://x.com/RGrich15/status/954505212407894016?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) Grichuk has been part of the league for four seasons, slashing .249/.297/.488 for a 108 wRC+. He’s also put up some impressive stats, batting out 20+ home runs during each of his last two seasons. In 2015, he won the distinction of the longest home run at Busch Stadium for that playing year by a Cardinals player. But when one takes a step back, it’s easy to see that most of Grichuk’s success has occurred against fastballs and offspeed pitches. To be sure, he may not be the best at stealing bases but he is a decent base runner. He’s currently under contract for $2.6 million. He’s won’t be eligible for free agency until after the 2020 season concludes. Guy Counseling was curious about what it takes for professional players like Grichuk to successfully move to a new team and sell themselves to fans. According to Costa Provis, a licensed career counselor that works with professional athletes in Chicago, there are two important things Grichuk will need to do. **More:** [Learn about mental toughness](https://guycounseling.com/mental-toughness-skills-1210/) “More than anything else, it’s all about how he plays. If he can run up numbers for Toronto and show the team his value, he’ll slip right in without much problem,” says Provis. “Second, he’ll need to remain humble. If he thinks he can port his current popularity with him without having to work for it – he’ll be making a mistake,” he added. Provis suggests there is a psychological adjustment that needs to take place for both the player and fanbase, which doesn’t happen overnight. “Even when someone as impressive as Grichuk is gets traded, the transition isn’t automatic. He and Blue Jays fans are both going to need to warm up to one another,” suggests Provis. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Baseball, change, mental toughness, Randall Grichuk --- ### [Facebook’s Newsfeed Changes May Require Smaller Sites to Adapt](https://guycounseling.com/facebook-newsfeed-changes-2118/) **Published:** January 21, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![facebook](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/facebook.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Trust scores to be assigned to publishers** Social media giant Facebook has [announced](https://newsroom.fb.com/news/2018/01/news-feed-fyi-bringing-people-closer-together/) it plans to make major changes to its newsfeed for end users, ranking news stories based on credibility and user evaluations. The changes are a reaction to past accusations that the company featured false or sensationalist news items irresponsibly, particularly during the run-up to the presidential election in 2016. The shift, which was announced roughly a week ago, will account for 4% of the posts that appear in users’ feeds globally, down from the current 5%, said the company’s Chief Executive, Mark Zuckerberg on Friday. Part of the algorithm change will involve a trust score. But according to reports in publications like the [Wall Street Journal](https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-considers-prioritizing-trustworthy-news-sources-in-feed-1515714244), the company doesn’t plan to share those scores with individual publishers. Widely recognized brands, such as CNN and BBC, may benefit from the algorithmic changes because they are well established news brands. But smaller news outlets and niche sites may experience a negative impact on their traffic. **Related:** [Use of social media may help ease anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/social-media-ease-anxiety-1213/) Guy Counseling spoke with two marketing experts about the planned changes to discover what smaller brands can do to cope. Eric Johnson, Digital Content Director with the Minneapolis based marketing company [Feedbackwrench](https://feedbackwrench.com/) shared the following. “With the coming algorithmic changes on Facebook, news media outlets will have to adapt by personalizing their content. In their recent announcement, Facebook made it clear that value will be placed on content that displays some kind of personal connection,” said Johnson. He recommends the following. “Instead of asking for likes and shares or begging for it with ‘viral’ style content, news outlets should focus on boosting these kinds of engagements organically. By engaging with specific audiences, brands like these will have the opportunity to penetrate the news feed,” Johnson said. Terese Kerrigan, Director of Marketing Communications with Palm Harbor based [FreightCenter](https://www.freightcenter.com/) offers a different take. “Publishers who have been too reliant on the Facebook newsfeed will need to optimize their website for search engines, as well as create narrowly targeted Facebook ad campaigns that persuade consumers to visit your site. My greatest tip for SEO is to write as if you’re answering a query or commonly asked question,” suggests Kerrigan. Current estimates from the Pew Research Center survey conducted last summer suggest approximately 45% of adults in the United States get news from Facebook. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Facebook, Social Media --- ### [How To Do The Seated Barbell Military Press](https://guycounseling.com/barbell-military-press-video/) **Published:** January 20, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![military barbell press exercise](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/military-barbell-press-exercise.jpg?resize=631%2C421&ssl=1) ## With a barbell, bench and weight plates, you can create impressive shoulders! Searching for information on the [Seated Barbell Military Press](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23096062)? Hoping to jack up your shoulders and get more defined? Need some tips for growing your delts? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. For years, I experimented with different exercises to build my shoulders. But no matter how hard I tried, the result were always the same – crappy. Feeling frustrated, I decided to take a step back and reassess my approach. And let me tell you – I’m so glad that I did because it afforded me the opportunity to **learn about the military bench press!** Yep, that’s right. I was completely ignorant of how this exercise helped guys grow their shoulders. It wasn’t until I consulted with an expert that I became fully aware. “It’s all about the shoulder press dude!” said Mike, a friend of mine who trains bodybuilders and is a former Marine. “If you can include this exercise in your routine at least once a week, you’ll see serious results,” he said. And here’s the thing – according to scientific research, Mike was totally right (Fahey, 2013). ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/gym.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Once I learned how to do the military press with a barbell **the right way** and began including them in my regular gym routine, I started to see meaningful change. I’m not going to tell you the results happened overnight. Let’s be real – anyone who suggests an exercise provides “instant” anything isn’t leveling with you. **More:** [Bigger biceps through concentration curls](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/) The hard truth is the shoulder muscles are complex and not the easiest to grow. But once you grasp how they work as a system, you can use this knowledge to your advantage. **In this article, you will learn:** - The definition of the seated barbell military press - The benefits of doing these types of exercises - Muscles that make up the shoulders - Equipment needed for the military press - Step by step “how to” instructions - Example barbell press exercises via video ## What is the barbell military press? In plain-speak, the barbell military press is a compound exercise that involves raising a barbell over the head using the muscles of the shoulders, back, and triceps during execution. This exercise can be conducted in either the seated or standing position. Almost always, free weights are involved that rest on a universal bar. ## Benefits of the military press The biggest benefit of doing military presses is the muscle growth that happens in the shoulder region. When conducted properly, specific muscle fibers are targeted and broken down. Over the course of time, these fibers rebuild themselves into larger, more sculpted muscles through the process of protein  synthesis. In turn, growth is possible by engaging in [progressive overloading](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/). ![shoulder muscles for military barbell press seated](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/shoulder-muscles-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Shoulder muscles ## Muscles involved with barbell presses A lot of people think the barbell press only benefits the deltoid muscles. But that’s really just a misnomer. In truth, there are several muscle groups involved that experience gains from military presses. Let’s take a closer look. **Muscles exercised:** - Deltoids - Triceps - Brachial - Trapezius ## Military barbell press equipment **Military Press Bench** To conduct this exercise, you’ll need to position yourself on a [military press bench](http://amzn.to/2BgSUhd). You can easily identify this piece of equipment at your gym because it has a back that goes half-way up. Sometimes, foot posts are positioned at the bottom for added balance. Military press benches are usually made from high-grade steel and do not have the ability to adjust. **Standard Barbell** In addition to the bench, you’ll also need a standard barbell. At some gyms, the barbell is already weighted, meaning you don’t have to add plates. However, this is the exception and not the norm. In most cases, you will need to add plates to each side. ![weight plates universal bar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/universal-bar-weight-plates.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Standard universal bar with weight plates ## How to do a seated military barbell press **1. Sit on bench** Take a seat on the bench. Make sure you are in a comfortable, upright position and that your shoulders aren’t arching forward. Have a spotter standing behind you. The person can either give you the weight or help you during lift-off.  Position your palms on the bar with a forward facing grip. Tip: Avoid using a flat bench. The back support offered from a military press bench can help you to avoid lower lumbar injury, which happens to be one of the main reasons people get hurt with this type of exercise. **2. Grab the bar** Using a low weight, position your hands on the bar in a way that is wider than your shoulders, creating a 90-degree angle that takes on a “Y” shape in appearance. **3. Lift the bar** Once your hands are properly in position, lift the bar using your shoulder muscles (not your back). Slowly raise the bar over your head until fully extended, locking your arms at the top. Consider this your starting position. **4. Lower the bar** Inhale and slowly lower the bar down to your collarbone. It’s OK to have your spotter help you with balance. **5. Raise the bar** Exhale at the bottom of this move and slowly raise the bar back to the starting position. **6. Repeat** Continue to do this exercise for the number of reps in your routine. ## Workout recommendations You will read all sorts of information on the web about this exercise so all I can tell you is what I know, based on experience. If you are new to the military barbell press, you are better off using a non-weighted universal bar at the beginning. This will allow you to experience the full range of motion. Once you feel comfortable with the upward and downward movements, you can then start to add weights. The trick is to do it **slowly** and **lightly**. After you master the moves, you can then move on to using the technique of progressive overloading – again, slowly and lightly. ## Optional gear In my experience, this exercise is easier on your hands and back if you use several pieces of optional gear. I’ll walk you through each one and explain why. ### **Gym gloves** If you aren’t already using gym gloves, I encourage you to pick up a pair. Here’s why: over the course of time, free weights have a funny way of ripping your palms up. Weights also place a lot of pressure on sensitive hand muscles, which are prone to injury when working out. By using gym gloves, you afford yourself extra grip while providing padding to the palms. There are tons of weight lifting gloves on the market. Personally, I like the Gym Rat Suede Glove because its mesh construction offers ventilation. [See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2Dlm68O). ### **Elbow compression gear** If you have elbow problems (or want to avoid them), wearing compression gloves while doing the military press might be a smart move. I use them because I need the extra support around my elbow joints during heavy lifting. The compression sleeve helps me to avoid pain and assists me with getting the full range of motion during contraction. You can get these at some drug stores or order directly online. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2Dul52p). ### **Lifting belt** The final piece of gear you should consider getting is a lifting belt. This may seem counter-intuitive for these types of exercises but here’s why belts are a good idea. To be sure, the bench itself does provide upper back support. It also keeps your spine straight so that you don’t arch. **But what the bench doesn’t do is provide lower lumbar support.** By using a lifting belt, you fortify your back where it needs it the most – midsection. See this post on [back exercises to learn more](https://guycounseling.com/back-workouts-5-great-upper-lower-back-workouts-men/). You can find lifting belts at most sporting goods stores. They are also available from various online retailers, including [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2G0YPuy). ## Wrap Up When you see guys with killer shoulders, it’s important to recognize they are probably doing a variety of exercises. The military barbell press is most likely one of them. It’s one of the best compound moves that has the advantage of hitting the delts, traps, triceps, and the brachii. When combined with other [upper body exercises](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workout-3-simple-exercises-to-build-hard-muscle/), military barbell presses can give you impressive results. For additional pointers on adding muscular size to your frame, be sure to check out all of the bodybuilding tips on this website. Thanks for stopping by. References: Fahey, T. (2013). Basic weight training for men and women. New York: McGraw Hill. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Military Press, muscle, Shoulders, Triceps --- ### [Your Doctor is Probably Burned Out, Says Study](https://guycounseling.com/doctor-probably-burned-says-study/) **Published:** January 19, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![doctor burnout](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/doctor-medical-medicine-health-42273.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Administrative tasks and unrealistic workloads are contributing factors. A new [Medscape report](https://www.medscape.com/) suggests that a large percentage of medical doctors in the U.S. feel burned out and depressed – with higher rates occurring among mid-career physicians. The results were based on more than 15,000 practicing medical doctors who came from twenty-nine different specialties. Survey data revealed 42% of doctors are burned out, 15% are depressed, and 14% are a mixture of both. Medscape’s definition of burnout is  multi-symptom and includes feelings of physical, emotional or mental exhaustion, frustration or cynicism about work, and doubts and one’s experience and the value of one’s work. Experiences of burnout appeared to be highest among family physicians, internists, intensivists, ob-gyns, and neurologists. Doctors rating lowest were plastic surgeons, pathologists, dermatologists, and ophthalmologists. The findings are important because past studies have revealed a significant link between physician burnout and patient safety/quality of care. Most of the physicians who reported burnout (56%) indicated having less administrative tasks and fewer hours spent working (39%) as things that would help them. **More:** [Does your personality match where you exercise?](https://guycounseling.com/gym-personality-research-1115/) Guy Counseling spoke to licensed psychotherapist [John Linger](http://www.couplescounselingchicago.net/couples-therapist-chicago/) in Chicago about this issue. He specializes in assisting highly stressed professionals, like doctors, cope with feelings of burnout. “Much of the problem I’ve seen with the physician patients I work with is the unrealistic work requirements. Healthcare organizations expect doctors to see more and more people, in many ways looking at these professionals as profit-centers instead of healers,” says Linger. Based on his observations, some are taking drastic steps. “It’s become so bad that a lot of the doctors I help ultimately decide to change the focus of their work entirely. I just had one last year move from being an internist \[as his specialty\] to doing Botox. Like so many doctors, he wanted to get out of the rat race that has become our healthcare system,” Linger added.. “Can you really blame them? I’ve worked with some MD’s who are employed at large medical practices where the group managers require each physician to see a minimum of 20 people a day. Anyone would burn out in that type of environment,” Linger says. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Burnout, Doctors, Healthcare, Medicine --- ### [Sexual Competition May Be a Good Thing For Your Relationship](https://guycounseling.com/sexual-competition-may-good-thing-relationship/) **Published:** January 17, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![couple on beach romantic setting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-romantic-relationships.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New research draws a link between passionate lovers and competitive environments. A new study released by researchers at Hokkaido University in Japan suggests that in sexually competitive environments, people tend to be more passionate towards their mates. Using an online questionnaire, investigators collected responses from 154 Americans and 103 Japanese. The survey was designed to assess perceptions of romantic relational mobility of the people around them and the level of intensity they felt towards their current partner. Aside from showing that Americans were more passionate with their partners than their Japanese counterparts, the results also revealed that the more passionate a person was, the more likely they were to lavish affection on their mate. **More:** [What to do if she flirts with other guys](https://guycounseling.com/women-flirts-other-men-12261/) Moreover, this same person was also more likely to remain exclusive and focus only on their partner. Lead study investigator and Professor Masaki Yuk with Hokkaido University said the following about the study’s findings. “For humans, it is imperative to win and keep a good mating partner, which is a basic adaptive issue. Our study showed the importance of considering socio-ecological factors when studying human mating behavior.” Guy Counseling spoke with David Bennett, a certified counselor in Ohio and relationship expert. He runs the website, *[The Popular Man](http://thepopularman.com/)* and made the following observations about the study. “Passion seems to be nature’s way of keeping a person locked into a relationship with only one person, when choice/options exist all around them. It’s a way of ensuring the commitment necessary to procreate and raise a child. Passion usually lasts about 1-3 years, not coincidentally the time necessary to produce, birth, and breastfeed a child, and for the male to help in the process,” said Bennett. He then offered the following observations, specifically about guys. “Since men tend to be less selective in whom they should sleep with compared to women \[it’s a principle called parental investment theory\], it makes sense that men would need to become more passionate toward one person to stay in that relationship, versus straying and abandoning his mate and child when another woman came along,” Bennett said. Source: [Hokkaido University](https://www.global.hokudai.ac.jp/blog/the-more-competitive-the-more-passionate-in-romantic-relationships/) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Love, Passion, Relationships, research, Romance, Study --- ### [Cops Suspended After Texts About Sexually Assaulting Victims Discovered](https://guycounseling.com/cops-suspended-texts-sexual-assult/) **Published:** January 16, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![police lights](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/police.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Electronic messages accidentally discovered. Scotland Yard has opened a major misconduct investigation after two West London police officers allegedly joked about sexually assaulting victims in text messages. As part of the evidence being collected by authorities, one of the texts in the exchange apparently discussed coercing a person into having sex under the threat of not filing a complaint. Mobile phone videos are also being examined by investigators that reportedly show suspects being secretly filmed while held in custody. One of the cops is 36-year old Edward Bengree, who was awarded for saving the life of a 16-year old boy who had stopped breathing at London Heathrow Airport in 2016. Bengree is in hot water for messages appearing on his smartphone that apparently contain racist comments dating back six years. The second person is Detective Constable John Taylor from the Elite Gang Unit, Trident. His suspension relates to allegedly discussing the sexual assault of victims while working with Bengree in a police van on an overnight shift. The electronic messages and imagery came to light after a mistake happened in an unrelated court case, according to a report in [The Daily Mail](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5272553/Policemen-suspended-texts-raping-crime-victims.html). Bengree has denied knowledge of the electronic messages while Taylor is not commenting. The suspension of the police officers comes at a time when other law enforcement officials have found themselves in trouble for inappropriate comments and behaviors. In September of last year, the United States Attorney announced three U.S. Border Control and Customs Protection officers were [arrested](http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/13/politics/cbp-rape-table-incidents/index.html) in connection with the alleged use of a “rape table” at Newark Liberty Airport. **More:** [Don’t expect privacy when you text](https://guycounseling.com/selfies-never-private-1114/) Guy Counseling spoke to Chicago psychotherapist Daniel Sullivan who offers counseling services to people in the law enforcement community. He thinks the recent spate of cases give cops a bad name and unfairly stigmatizes them. “The vast majority of police officers are honorable people. It would be a giant mistake for people to make the assumption that just because a person carries a badge, they are more likely to abuse their power. Now more than ever, most law enforcement professionals are extra careful about what they say, how they say it – and what they do.” **Categories:** News **Tags:** Arrests, Internet, Law Enforcement, Mobile Phones, Police --- ### [Are You a Gym Person? It May Give Clues To Your Personality](https://guycounseling.com/gym-personality-research-1115/) **Published:** January 15, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![body building lifting weights at gum](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/body-building-advanced-training-techniques-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Where you like to work out may be revealing** A study presented on January 11 at the British Psychological Society’s annual meeting suggests where a person likes to exercise may give important clues to their personality. For example, extroverted types and people who rely on objective logic and/or routines are more likely to gravitate towards the gym. On the flipside, creative people — particularly folks who enjoy working with new ideas — plus individuals who focus more on feelings and values as opposed to logic may match better with outdoor activities – like biking and running. John Hackston, a psychologist and head of the Thought Leadership at OPP, shared the findings with members of the conference. In case you didn’t know, OPP is owned by CPP, a California based organization owned by the Myers-Briggs Company. If Myers-Briggs sounds familiar, that’s because they produce the famous Myers-Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI). **More:** [10 powerful gym motivation hacks!](https://guycounseling.com/10-gym-motivation-tips/) “The most important piece of advice to come out of this research is that there is not one type of exercise that is suited to everyone,” shared Hackston. “There can be pressure to follow the crowd to the gym or sign up to the latest exercise fad, but it would be much more effective for them to match their personality type to an exercise plan that is more likely to last the test of time,” Hackston adds. More than 800 people were included in the study that spanned several countries. “We were keen to investigate how organisations could help their staff’s development through exercise, finding that matching an individual’s personality type to a particular type of exercise can increase both the effectiveness and the person’s enjoyment of it,” shared Hackston. Guy Counseling spoke with [Dr. Greg Harms](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/chicago-il/360371), a licensed psychologist in Chicago for his impressions of the research. “I think the study is interesting but I’m not sure that we can generalize the findings to the general population. That said, the results may help people to better understand their relationship with physical activity,” said Harms. “Keep in mind that personality is multi-factorial in nature. It’s more involved than where you like to do cardio” he adds. Source: [British Psychological Society](https://www.bps.org.uk/news-and-policy/don%E2%80%99t-going-gym-it-could-be-your-personality) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Exercise, gym, Personality Type --- ### [Leaked Athlete’s Selfies Offer Reminder There’s No Such Thing as “Private”](https://guycounseling.com/selfies-never-private-1114/) **Published:** January 14, 2018 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![tom daley](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/tom_daley_1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Experts suggest use caution with sharing private images Recently, Olympic Athlete Tom Daley revealed he’s been personally anguished over leaked photographs of himself in a compromising position. The pictures (selfies) were snapped back in 2016 at a time when Mr. Daley was separated from his spouse, Lance Bass. According to a report in *[The Sun](https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5283202/tom-daley-naked-selfies-olympics-diver-sex-sessions-photos/),* the athlete’s legal team will be making attempts to remove the images from online. Since word first broke about the scandal, a new development has occurred where underwear maker Andrew Christian has been accused of spreading the selfies in an e-mail campaign, as first reported by [Huffington Post](https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tom-daley-andrew-christian-photos_us_5a57912de4b018a4f8b6b0a9). As the scandal plays itself out, Guy Counseling spoke to Stu Solomon, Chief Technology and Strategy Officer at OPTIV, an Ohio based cybersecurity firm. “Once you send out your photo to someone, be it on an app, messenger or text, you no longer have control over the imagery. It can be instantly copied and shared in less than a second,” says Solomon. Indeed, a research study released in 2016 by [Indiana University](http://research.indiana.edu/2016/08/sexting-among-singles-1-in-4-share-sexts/) revealed that one in four people share intimate messages with friends that were intended by the sender to be private. In that study, 5,805 people were surveyed between the ages of 21-75. The results showed that when images were shared, it happened with an average of more than three friends. Leaked photographs can have ugly consequences according to career counselor [Costa Provis](https://healthjoy.com/doctor/costa-provis/) who provides coaching services to executives. “I’ve seen situations where people have lost their jobs after it was determined they used a company cell-phone to trade inappropriate selfies. Some of my clients thought tapping delete would purge the pictures but that’s simply wasn’t the case. Photos can be stored in memory and retrieved later by IT specialists. Plus, if images are snapped and then shared over a company network, send up red-flags to network analysts.” Provis suggests that if you don’t want selfies shared with others, you probably shouldn’t take them in the first place. “I tell my clients not to do it. Even if you never share the image with someone, there’s still a record on your smart-phone. Given wireless technologies, what if someone hacks into your device and grabs it?” he asks. “Nothing like that can happen if the picture doesn’t exist in the first place.” Image Credit: Wiki Commons **Categories:** News **Tags:** Career, Job, Privacy, Tom Daley --- ### [15 Ways New Hire Employees Can Make a Good Impression](https://guycounseling.com/new-hire-employee-tips/) **Published:** January 14, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![new hire employee tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/new-hire.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New hire tips Are you starting a new job? Hoping to make a good impression? Do you want to fit in with others and not feel awkward? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. While getting hired on at a company can be exciting, it can also be [stressful](http://amj.aom.org/content/26/2/258.short). Let’s face it – new responsibilities and new relationships can be major sources of anxiety. So, is there anything you can do to help make the onboarding process easier? The answer is **yes**. But for that to happen, you’ll need to create awareness around specific behaviors. What follows are 15 helpful things you can do when transitioning into a new job that help make a good impression. Check it out. ## 1. Involve yourself in social activities Try to naturally interact with people in your work area whenever possible. This means taking lunches with others and socializing. ## 2. Avoid trying to change things When you start a new job, your number one priority is to understand the organization and its mission. This means getting to know key people and building relationships. Now is not the time to identify problem areas or make suggestions for change. Instead, *actively listen* to all that you hear so that you absorb the company culture. ## 3. Be direct While not always the case, you may encounter co-workers who feel threatened that you were hired. Should this happen, simply be direct and let them know you are there to do a job. Avoid getting into conversations about last person who held the position. They are gone. You are there. Enough said. ## 4. Don’t complain or whine Before you begin talking to others about something that’s bothering you, make sure it warrants a public airing. The worst thing you can do is get the reputation of being negative. ## 5. Avoid gossip This tip is easier said than done but is worth mentioning. Avoid gossip like the plague. And whatever you do, don’t talk about others – no matter what. If you do this, others will wonder if you speak about them behind their back. ## 6. Be supportive and positive Listen to colleagues and smile, even if you sometimes disagree. Should a co-worker make a mistake, don’t criticize them. Instead, be supportive. If you make mess up, own it. Make a commitment to do better the next time. ## 7. Show your appreciation Show thanks to your supervisor or co-worker when they do things to make your job easier. When working on teams, show gratitude to everyone who contributed. ## 8. Share credit when deserved Obviously, you should take credit for the work you do. But if others assist you, make sure they are mentioned in a public way. This will help them to feel recognized. If you neglect to do this, you may cause others to feel exploited. ## 9. Be okay with favors Should a fellow employee do a favor for you – like trading days off – be open to returning that favor in kind. Obviously, follow company policies and do not engage in anything unethical. ## 10. Live in the present It’s easy to get caught up in conversations with others who reminisce about the way things used to be. When situations like this pop-up, its best to stay focused in the present. Otherwise, you may get sucked into a negative conversation. ## 11. Ask for help when needed It’s human nature to feel needed. Your workmates can be great resource for guidance. Avoid the temptation to not ask questions because you fear looking ignorant. Instead, recognize your co-workers want to help you. ## 12. Avoid battles You may get pulled into an ongoing feud between two people or two departments. If possible, try to avoid taking sides. Instead, take a neutral position and let others argue things out. Remember, as a new person, your number one priority is to learn. ## 13. Follow group norms Most workgroups have social norms. For example, your teammates may take a coffee break at 10 am. If so, try to join them. Doing so helps facilitate integration. ## 14. Be interested in others People enjoy working with others who show them attention. Taking an interest in a workmate’s job sends the positive message you care. Just remember, there’s a difference between being interested and appearing nosey. Use common sense. ## 15. Get a mentor If possible, try to find someone who is willing to take you under their wing. Ideally, the person will be [well-liked and respected](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/). It may take time to identify the right person but try to make it happen within the first six-months of starting. **Categories:** Career **Tags:** Career, Employment, Job, New Hire --- ### [Is Faster Sleep Possible By Keeping a To Do List?](https://guycounseling.com/faster-sleep-possible-keeping-list/) **Published:** January 13, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man sleeping bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/man-sleeping-next-to-clock-after-to-do-list.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Keeping a to-do list may help you with your Z’s. We talk to mental health experts Do you struggle to fall asleep at night? When your head hits the pillow, is it hard to turn your brain off? Looking for a natural remedy? According to a new line of research released in the *[Journal of Experimental Psychology](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-47677-001),* people who created a list of future tasks fell asleep faster than those who journaled about the day’s activities. Psychologists have known for years that journaling helps to  [reduce stress levels](https://www.everydayhealth.com/longevity/journal-for-stress-relief.aspx) and promote calmness. But investigators at Baylor University wanted to know if jotting down future focused activities, such as tasks, might help people sleep better. To test their hypothesis, they recruited 57-adults between the ages of 18-30. The participants slept in an overnight lab where researchers monitored sleep patterns. As part of the study, half of the participants were asked to bullet point (or write out short paragraphs) everything they needed to remember to do in the next several days. The other participants were asked to jot down things that they had completed that day or in the recent past. The results showed that people who were in the “to do” list group fell asleep nine minutes faster than the participants in the completed tasks group. Additionally, the more specific and concrete the to-do list was, the faster the person nodded off. ![man sleeping restfully in bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/get-sleep-to-prevent-wrinkles-and-lines.jpg?resize=500%2C334&ssl=1) ## Purging of the Mind Guy Counseling was curious about why to-do lists might help to promote sleep and so we spoke to an expert. [Dr. Greg Harms](https://doctorharms.ipower.com/index.html/1901.html) , a licensed psychologist in Chicago thinks the activity of writing out future tasks has a stress purging effect. “I’m not surprised at the results of this study. When a person writes out something that may be a source of anxiety, it helps them to feel more empowered, says Harms. “In turn, they feel more relaxed. Current research suggests that [40% of Americans](https://sleepfoundation.org/sites/default/files/2008%20POLL%20SOF.PDF) have problems falling asleep a few times a month. The lead investigator from the Baylor study, Michael Scullin, made the following observations about the study’s findings, “It’s a quick and low-cost thing you can easily do for a few days to see if it has any benefit for you.” Some urge caution about the Baylor results. [Frank Moore](http://www.anxietytherapistchicago.com/chicago-therapist/), a licensed psychotherapist who operates an anxiety clinic in the Windy City suggests that more research needs to be done to generalize conclusions. “In my experience, anxious people looking to get a good night’s sleep need to do a combination of things. Journaling helps but so does exercise and diet. I’d like to see a larger sample size in future studies – although I acknowledge this does look promising,” says Moore. He also suggests people talk to their doctor to rule out any medical issues that might be causing sleep disturbances. “Some health conditions can interfere with sleep. It’s best to let your physician know of any irregularities,” Moore said. **Related:** [Not getting enough sleep linked to anxiety and depression](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-study-depression-anxiety-1518/). **Categories:** News **Tags:** Anxiety, sleep, stress --- ### [How To Use a Navigation Map and Compass In the Woods](https://guycounseling.com/use-navigation-map-compass-woods/) **Published:** January 13, 2018 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![map and compass](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/how-to-use-compass-map.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Learn old school methods for using a traditional map and hand-held compass Handheld GPS devices and GPS-equipped smartphones are invaluable navigation tools for outdoor enthusiasts, however, they shouldn’t be relied on when your life is at stake. Plastic cracks, glass screens shatter, circuit boards fry, batteries lose their charge. That’s why anytime you’re heading off-the-grid to find solitude, a paper map and magnetic compass are absolute non-negotiables. But simply carrying these analog navigation necessities isn’t enough — you must also possess the skills and knowledge to figure out where you are, where you need to be, and how to find your way safely. And it all starts by learning your way around what many might assume is an outdated technology: the humble paper map. ## Getting the Right Map for Your Journey Many varieties of hard-copy maps are produced, but the kind most applicable to hikers are called “topographic maps,” or “topo maps” for short. The most popular and reliable topographic maps are produced by the [United States Geological Survey (USGS](https://www.usgs.gov/products/maps/topo-maps)) and are available for practically every area of the United States, covering all the National Parks, National Forests, BLM lands, and anywhere else you might want to hike. There are several great online resources for finding and printing official USGS maps or similar topographic maps for any area you’d like to hike. To start your search, check out caltopo.com or alltrails.com. ### Understanding Topo Map Contour Lines What makes topographic maps so helpful for hikers, mountaineers, or anyone navigating through varied terrain, is the addition of contour lines. By connecting all points on the map sharing common elevations, contour lines create a visual representation of real landscape features — peaks, valleys, lakes, etc. — on a flat piece of paper. As you’ll see when we look at how to take bearings, using contour lines to identify landmarks is vitally important when pinpointing your exact location on the map, and is an essential component to successful navigation. Other important things to know about contour lines: - If you look closely, you’ll notice that every fifth contour line is thicker than the others — these are called **index lines** and each one is labeled with its corresponding elevation. - A map’s **contour interval** is the amount of elevation change between individual contour lines. Most topographical maps (particularly the well-loved USGS 7.5-minute maps) have a standard contour interval of 40 feet which provides an adequate level of detail to identify prominent landscape features and make well-informed navigation decisions. - Contour lines that are close together indicate a quick change in elevation implying a steep slope, whereas lines that are spread out suggest a more gradual incline. Contour lines that form rings represent peaks or hills, and those that form “V” shapes reveal the locations of valleys, gullies, or other drainage-type features. ### Reading the Map Legend A map’s legend defines all the colors, lines, and symbols used on the map. Since map legends are relatively self-explanatory, we won’t go into detail on them here. There are, however, two bits of information contained within a map’s legend that are often overlooked by casual map readers but are of extreme importance to backcountry navigators: - **Scale** — A map’s scale describes the relative “real world” distance represented by the map. USGS 7.5-minute maps have a scale of 1:24,000, which means that one unit on the map is equal to 24,000 units on the real landscape. The unit of measurement you use can be anything, but for convenience, most maps provide a small diagram that shows how many miles on the ground are represented by one inch on the map. This provides valuable insight in the field when calculating distances and estimating travel times. - **Magnetic declination** — USGS topo maps (and most maps in general) are printed so that true north — AKA the North Pole — is at the top of the page. But there’s a problem: your magnetic compass points to *magnetic north* which is actually on Ellesmere Island in Canada, roughly 310 miles from the North Pole. However, by calculating **magnetic declination,** which is the difference in degrees between true north and magnetic north from your current location on the globe (very important), you can adjust your compass to compensate for the difference, allowing you to follow the magnetic needle on your compass *as if* it were pointing to *true north.* Thankfully, most reputable topo maps have done all the hard math work for you, displaying the exact magnetic declination to use in a convenient diagram near the map’s legend. And with that, it’s time to look at the tool that brings a topo map to life — the magnetic compass! ## Meet Your New Backcountry Companion: The Compass For serious navigation, you need a compass with a few important features that your run-of-the-mill compass might lack. First, you must be able to adjust the declination of your compass. Most models with this functionality are known as “bezel compasses” and have a rotating ring on the face that’s used to take bearings, but can also be calibrated and locked in place with a set screw, according to the declination chart provided on the map. Compasses lacking this feature can still be used for navigation, however, the magnetic declination must be compensated for manually each time you take a bearing — a very time-consuming process. **More:** [7 wilderness survival skills all men should know](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/) Compasses with clear base plates allow you to see the map through the compass, which helps you take more accurate bearings and plan better routes. At least one side of the base plate should have a straight edge for taking location bearings and tracing lines on the map when triangulating your location. Most compasses also feature rulers on the base plate to help calculate distances by referencing the map’s scale, and some even have small built-in magnifying glasses to inspect diminutive map details. Other important components of a proper navigation compass: - **Orienting lines** — Help you align the compass bezel with your map when taking a bearing. - **Orienting arrow** — Located within the bezel, the orienting arrow perfectly outlines the magnetic arrow when orienting the map. - **Direction of travel arrow** — Indicates which direction to aim the compass. - **Index line/marker** — This small but important mark along the edge of the rotating bezel that indicates the degree of your bearing reading. ## Essential Map and Compass Skills The skills we’re about to cover could potentially save your life in an emergency or at least make a rough weekend in the woods suck a little less. ### 1.   Orient Your Map Okay. You have the appropriate USGS topo map for the area you’re exploring and you have the proper compass with its declination adjusted according to the diagram on the map. But before you can start taking bearings, it’s important that you take a second to orient your map with your surroundings. 1. While standing up, hold your map open flat and position your compass on top of the map so that one of its straight edges matches up with the edge of the map. 2. Make sure the direction of travel arrow is pointing straight ahead toward the top edge of the map then rotate the compass bezel until the North marking is pointing the same way. 3. Keeping the map and compass in the same position, slowly turn on your feet until you see the magnetic needle line up with the orienting arrow. ### 2.  Take a Location Bearing With your map oriented, you should be facing true north and ready to cut tracks to your next destination — an alpine lake you want to check out, a new campsite, the nearest road, etc. But in order use your compass for guidance, you must first take the bearing of your destination, a process that involves a small learning curve at first, but becomes second nature with practice. In simple terms, a bearing tells the direction of travel to reach a specific destination. A *location bearing* (AKA “map bearing”) is used when you can identify both your current location and your chosen destination on the map. 1. With your map properly oriented, position your compass on the map with the straight side of the base plate touching both your current location and destination location. The direction of travel arrow should be pointing toward the destination — this is how you’ll be holding the compass while following the bearing. 2. Keep the compass in position and rotate the bezel so that the orienting lines inside the bezel are running north/south, parallel with the edge of the map. Double check that the “N” on the bezel is pointing toward the top of the map. 3. To “capture the bearing,” simply look at the index line to and read the degree marking next to it — that’s your bearing. **More:** [How to build a survival fire!](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) To follow that bearing to your destination, simply leave the bezel at the bearing mark, keep the direction of travel arrow pointing straight ahead, then spin your body until the magnetized needle is framed by the orienting needle. Time to start hiking! ![Men's Interest Blogs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/backpacking-tips-wilderness.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Interest Blogs ### 3.  Take a Bearing from Landscape Clues Beyond basic point-to-point navigation, the real value of bearings comes to light when you need to figure out where you are on the map. This is done by taking a bearing from a real landscape feature — the more prominent the better. 1. Choose a landscape feature — let’s say a snow-capped peak in the distance — you can easily see from your current location and find on the map. 2. Point your compass toward the peak out in front of you with the direction of travel arrow straight ahead. 3. While keeping the compass aimed toward to the peak, look at the face and rotate the bezel until the orienting arrow frames the magnetized needle. 4. Capture your bearing by reading the degree number marked by the index line. 5. To transfer this bearing to the map for interpretation, place the compass on the map with the front edge of the base plate touching the peak location on the map. 6. Then, pivot the entire compass to bring the orienting lines into north/south alignment. 7. Draw or trace a line along the edge of the compass, intersecting the peak location on the map — your position is somewhere along this line. If you’re on a marked trail you can identify on your map, you can often pinpoint your location by finding where the line you drew intersects the trail. ### 4.   Triangulate to Pinpoint Your Location If you’re off-trail, however, additional bearings are needed to hone in on exactly where you are on the map. This is called Triangulation and is one of the most important skills to know when the chips are down and it’s up to you navigate to safety. To triangulate your location, you simply repeat the process above for taking a bearing from a landscape feature and repeat it two more times with other features. The peaks, lakes, or whatever landmarks you choose to reference should be at least 60-degrees apart, but closer to 90-degrees is preferred for accuracy. After capturing the bearings, transferring them to the map and drawing their corresponding lines, a small triangle will be have been formed by the intersecting lines. If your readings were correct, your location should be somewhere inside that triangle. ## Know Where You Stand and Trek with Confidence If you take these old school navigation skills to heart, you’ll head out on your next wilderness adventure knowing that if you do get turned around, a little time with the map and compass is your ticket home. But don’t reach for your compass only when emergency strikes — if you take bearings frequently and plot your course carefully as you go, you’ll know where you stand on the map at any given time so “totally lost” is never an option. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Compass, Map, Navigation, Survival --- ### [Too Much Business Travel May Be Bad for Your Mental Health](https://guycounseling.com/business-travel-health-study-1918/) **Published:** January 9, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![business travel and health](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/planes.jpg?resize=640%2C380&ssl=1) ## If you travel for work extensively, you may need to practice better self-care. A new line of research has been released that suggests traveling too much for work may be bad for your mental health. Specifically, the study found that people who travel for business two weeks (or more) per month are more likely to struggle with feelings of depression and anxiety as opposed to folks who travel less. Extensive travelers were also found to be [more likely to smoke](https://guycounseling.com/smokers-less-attractive-study/), less physically active, and have trouble getting a good night’s sleep. The study has been published in the *Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine*. Researchers from Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health and City University of New York also discovered that among people who drink alcohol, extensive business-related travel is linked to symptoms of alcohol dependence. In one of the first studies to assess the impact of business travel and mental health, investigators drew a link between poor mental and behavioral health outcomes and the time spent away from home. Current estimates published by the Global Business Travel Association Foundation estimate there were over 500 million people who traveled for business in 2016 (U.S.). That’s an increase from 488 million in 2015. “Although business travel can be seen as a job benefit and can lead to occupational advancement, there is a growing literature showing that extensive business travel is associated with risk of chronic diseases associated with lifestyle factors,” said Dr. Andrew Rundle, an associate professor of epidemiology at the Mailman School of Public Health. “The field of occupational travel medicine needs to expand beyond its current focus on infectious disease, cardiovascular disease risks, violence, and injury to bring more focus to the behavioral and mental health consequences of business travel.” **More:** [Tips for anxious flyers](https://guycounseling.com/nervous-flyer-tip/) The EHE International health exam measured symptoms of depression with the Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ-9), symptoms of anxiety with the Generalized Anxiety Scale (GAD-7), and alcohol dependence with the CAGE scale. A score above four on the Generalized Anxiety Scale (GAD-7) was reported by 24 percent of employees, and 15 percent scored above a four on the Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ-9), indicating that mild or worse anxiety or depressive symptoms were common in this employee population. Among those who consume alcohol, a CAGE score of two or higher indicates the presence of alcohol dependence and was found in six percent of employees who drank. GAD-7 and PHQ-9 scores and CAGE scores of two or higher increased with increasing nights away from home for business travel. “At the individual-level, employees who travel extensively need to take responsibility for the decisions they make around diet, exercise, alcohol consumption, and sleep. However, to do this, employees will likely need support in the form of education, training, and a corporate culture that emphasizes healthy business travel. Employers should provide employees who travel for business with accommodations that have access to physical activity facilities and healthy food options,” stated Rundle. The research comes at a time when a December 2017 work related study revealed that a [lack of work-life balance](https://guycounseling.com/work-life-balance-exhaustion-12151/) can lead to exhaustion. Source: [Eureka Alert/Columbia University](https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/01/09/too-much-work-travel-increased-anxiety-sleephealth-problems/130993.html) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Behavioral Health, Business Travel, Mental Health, Work --- ### [Smartphones Used By Couples at Home for Work Can Create Job Troubles](https://guycounseling.com/couples-smartphones-work-home-1817/) **Published:** January 8, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![couple in bed on cellphones looking unhappy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/couple-bed-relationship-problems.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Study suggests doing work at home on smart-devices may be counterproductive. A new line of research suggests that using devices like smartphones at home for work purposes can have a nasty impact on job satisfaction and productivity Dr. Wayne Crawford, the assistant professor of management at the University of Texas at Arlington joined up with four other authors on the study, recently published in the *Journal of Occupational Health Psychology.* The investigators conducted a survey of 344 married couples; all who worked full-time jobs and used some type of mobile device at home for work related activities (cell, tablet). **More:** [Work-life balance issues lead to exhaustion](https://guycounseling.com/work-life-balance-exhaustion-12151/) “There is plenty of research on technology and how it affects employees,” Crawford observed. “We wanted to see if this technology use carried over to affect the spouse negatively at work.” The results of the couples’ survey demonstrated that use of a mobile device during family time produced a lower job satisfaction and lower job performance among participants. “It’s really no surprise that conflict was created when a spouse is using a mobile device at home,” Crawford stated. “They’re sometimes engaging in work activities during family time. What that ultimately leads to, though, is trouble at work for both spouses. So, whether companies care or don’t care about employees being plugged in, those firms need to know that the relationship tension created by their interaction with their employees during non-work hours ultimately leads to work-life trouble.” The chair of the Department of Management at UTA, Dr. Abdul Rasheed, said Crawford’s work is informative for businesses. “That extra time spent on mobile devices after hours might not be worth it if the grief it causes results in productivity losses once the conflict is carried back to work,” Rasheed said. “Businesses have to think about accomplishing tasks more efficiently while people are at work.” Source: [Journal of Occupational Health Psychology](http://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Focp0000103) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Career, Cellphones, Couples, Job, Smartphones, Work, Work-Life Balance --- ### [How To Ace The First Kiss When Feeling Nervous](https://guycounseling.com/first-kiss-jitters-1718/) **Published:** January 7, 2018 **Author:** Brian Tomasio **Content:** ![first kiss tips man in a car with woman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/first-kiss.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Feeling unsure about that first time kiss? Here’s some tips. Every now and then, we get questions sent in from visitors of the blog on various dating topics. Here’s one that perhaps you can relate to? ## His Question *Hi Dating Guru,* *I’ve been spending time with this girl for the past few weeks. After meeting through mutual friends, we started chatting on Facebook. We seem compatible on many levels.* *So, here’s the problem. Recently, she started hinting around about “the first kiss”.* *What’s freaking me a bit is that I’ve been losing my confidence in this area. I’m worried that if I do it the wrong way, she might move on.* *Any tips for a first kiss? Just need some practical advice-* *– Nervous kisser* ## Quick Answer Hi, Nervous kisser. Right off the bat, you need to know that feeling anxious about that all important first kiss is very normal. If you ask most women, they’ll tell you that how a first kiss goes is key to anything else happening. For what it’s worth – a lot of guys feel this way too. But my sense is your question isn’t really about the mechanics making out. Instead, it seems like you need help on the self-confidence front. Let’s be real. If you want to learn how to execute the first kiss, there are tons of resources on this. But just in case, I’m going to include a video below as a walk-through. ## Kissing and confidence As mentioned earlier, before executing any kiss, you’ve got to feel confident inside. And that’s exactly what I’m going to help you do – feel stronger so that you can give her a kiss blows her doors off. All of this begins with spending [time in mindful meditation](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/). No need make it an all-day event. I’m talking 10 minutes tops. If you’ve never meditated before, it might help to start off with something easy, like a [body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). ## Kissing and the mind What a lot of guys (and gals) don’t know is that much of the “magic” that happens with a first kiss occurs on the psychological level. In other words, the instant bond two people share upon locking is largely based in the mind. For some folks, tapping into that connection is all that’s needed to empower the moment. But for other people, initiating intimacy is problematic. You may be wondering why? I’ll be straight up with you. Because some guys [struggle with self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/), they often don’t see themselves as attractive. In turn, they choke when it comes time to step up to the plate. To make matters worse, this lack of confidence begins to feed on itself, paradoxically robbing the man of his ability to do other things (hint). Want to hear something sad? I’ve actually known guys who are able to get passed the first kiss (and do well at it). But because of deeply entrenched self-confidence problems, they won’t allow themselves to do more. Yes – I am talking about sexy-time. It’s all related. Maybe this is true for you, too? So, before you do anything else, you’ve got to start working on your self-esteem. This means believing that you are handsome. On top of that, you’ve also got to trust that *she finds you physically attractive*. Make sense? So, the first bit of wisdom I’ll impart is this: **Give yourself permission to believe you are a good-looking man.** Now I’m going to help connect all the dots so that words transform into beliefs – followed by action. All I ask is that you read what follows with an open mind. ## ![man meditating](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/young-man-mountain.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Creative visualization When you are ready, find a quiet place in your home. Close your eyes. Let go of any thoughts that may be present. Keep doing this until you see nothing but darkness. Once this happens, project a point of red light into the blackness. As you focus your awareness on this dot, allow it to transform into the image of the girl you are interested in. Stay with that imagery for a few moments. Allow yourself to become aware of her physical presence. As you see her in the distance, ask yourself, *what am I aware of? What color is her hair?* *What does her skin look like?* *Can I smell her perfume?* I want her to surround all of your senses. As you do this, repeat the following in your mind. **I am an attractive man. She wants me. I’m going to kiss her like a pro.** Repeat this several times – even if you have trouble believing it at first. Once you are ready, envision yourself walking up to her. Then, place your hands on her shoulders. Slowly lean into her while slightly tilting your head. When the moment feels right, kiss her. If a surge of passion rushes through your body, don’t fight it. Allow yourself to *feel* the moment; meaning her body pressing against hers. Let your mind take you to what follows next. This could be cupping her chin, engaging in open mouth or gentle petting. The important thing is to go with whatever unfolds. Now, repeat the first part of the mantra. **I am an attractive man.** At the end of the kiss, allow yourself to step back from her. Pause for a moment. Then, slowly move back until her image begins to fade. At some point, her body will transform back into a red beam of light. Once you have opened your eyes and acclimate yourself back to reality, take a deep breath and collect your thoughts. This may take a few moments. I can’t tell you how many times you will need to conduct the guided imagery exercise above. Each person is different. What I can say is that by changing out the negative tape that plays in your mind to something more positive, it can go a long way with creating meaningful change. As an aside, here are a couple of other quick points about a first kiss that needs to be stated. None of these have to do with confidence mind you. Instead, it’s just bro-talk. Take it for what it’s worth. First, don’t say “thanks” after making out. It just comes off as silly. Second, no matter how bad she kisses, *always* compliment her. A simple: *Wow, you are a great kisser* will do just fine. To keep it real, nobody wants to hear they are a lousy kisser (even if they are). Know what I mean? The last point of wisdom I’ll leave you with is this: Two people either have chemistry or they don’t. Just because a duo shares a mutual attraction (even a strong one), it doesn’t always mean they will “click”. If it turns out like this, don’t get down on yourself. Otherwise, you are just damaging your self-esteem by blaming yourself for something that’s simply not meant to be. *Think you could use some dating tips? Email the Dating Guru at* <askus@guycounseling.com> **Categories:** Dating **Tags:** Confidence, First Kiss, intimacy, Self-Esteem --- ### [Not Getting Enough Sleep Linked To Anxiety and Depression](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-study-depression-anxiety-1518/) **Published:** January 5, 2018 **Author:** Guy Counseling Contributor **Content:** ![man sleeping](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/man-sleeping.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Study offers more reasons to get eight hours of sound sleep** You have probably heard that getting a good night’s sleep is important to good health. But did you know a lack of sleep can trigger symptoms commonly seen in anxiety and depression? According to a new study released by Binghamton University, State University of New York, it’s true. Investigators have found that people who do not get at least eight hours of sleep each night are vulnerable to intrusive, repetitive thoughts, similar to what is seen [anxiety or depression](https://guycounseling.com/7-types-depression-might-surprise/)**.** Professor of Psychology Meredith Coles and former graduate student Jacob Nota (both with Binghamton) assessed the timing and duration of sleep in persons with moderate to elevated levels of repetitive negative thoughts. Examples include worry and rumination. Participants in the study were exposed to different photos designed to trigger an emotional response. Afterwards, investigators monitored their attention through eye movements. The study has been published in *ScienceDirect.* The researchers observed that regular sleep disruptions were associated with difficulty in moving one’s attention away from negative thoughts. They conclude this could mean inadequate sleep may contribute to what makes negative thoughts remain present, thereby interfering with people’s lives. “We found that people in this study have some tendencies to have thoughts get stuck in their heads, and their elevated negative thinking makes it difficult for them to disengage with the negative stimuli that we exposed them to,” stated Coles. “While other people may be able to receive negative information and move on, the participants had trouble ignoring it.” She added: “These negative thoughts are believed to leave people vulnerable to different types of psychological disorders, such as anxiety or depression.” The research has been released in close proximity to a previous [study from the University of New York](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-memory-recall/) that suggests sound sleep may help strengthen memory retrieval. Says Cole, “We realized over time that this might be important — this repetitive negative thinking is relevant to several different disorders like anxiety, depression and many other things.” The Binghamton University study is unique. “This is novel in that we’re exploring the overlap between sleep disruptions and the way they affect these basic processes that help in ignoring those obsessive negative thoughts,” says Cole. The researchers are continuing to examine this discovery and evaluating how timing and duration of sleep may also influence the development of other psychological disorders. Should their theories prove to be accurate, their findings could allow helping professionals a new way to treat anxiety and depression by customizing recommendations for sleep in ways that patients can adhere to when getting into bed at night. Source: [Science Direct](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005791617300629) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Mental Heath, sleep --- ### [Teens Who Vape Twice As Likely To Become Cigarette Smokers](https://guycounseling.com/teens-vape-study-cirgarette-0102/) **Published:** January 2, 2018 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![teen smoking cigarette](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/teen-smoker-cigarette.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Cigarette smoking and teens Vaping has been all the rage among teenagers for the last several years. But new a new line of research conducted by investigators at the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) suggests  many of these adolescents will eventually move on to smoke real cigarettes. Moreover, the transition happens within a year. “We’ve seen the prevalence of youth cigarette smoking decrease over the past 20 years, but the rising popularity of these non-cigarette products is a fairly recent development that poses new questions for tobacco control and youth smoking prevention,” said lead study investigator, Benjamin Chaffee, PhD, of UCSF to [CBS News](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/e-cigs-may-be-gateway-teens-smoking-cigarettes/). The study, which has been published in JAMA Pediatrics, details the findings of a national survey of 10,000 adolescents aged 12 to 17 from across the United States who indicated they have never smoked cigarettes. A year later, researchers followed up. When the teens were asked once again about their use of tobacco, the responses were telling. **More:** [Science links smoking to premature aging](https://guycounseling.com/premature-aging-smoking-drinking/) The data showed that teens who vaped and/or used other forms of non-cigarette tobacco were **twice as likely** to have smoked cigarettes within 30-days of the one year follow up. Chaffee also observed that all the different forms of non-cigarette tobacco explored in the study were linked to the same increase in risk of future cigarette smoking. “These products are different in terms of how they are used and marketed, but as risk factors for youth smoking, they appear to be nearly the same,” he said. The research also showed that teens who used more than one tobacco product were more likely to move on to traditional cigarettes. Previous studies have found evidence to suggest that e-cigarettes (plus other non-cigarette tobacco products) act as a gateway to conventional smoking. The Food and Drug Administration banned sales of e-cigarettes to teens back in 2016. But Chaffee thinks a lot more needs to be done. He suggests banning flavored vaping products and increasing the minimum purchasing age to 21. “Measures that reduce the appeal of these products to adolescents, like banning flavors, increasing the minimum purchase age to 21, and taxation, would help keep youth from starting to use tobacco in any form,” he said to CBS News. A recent study appearing in *Royal Society Open Science* found that people who smoke cigarettes are viewed as [overwhelmingly unattractive](https://guycounseling.com/smokers-less-attractive-study/). Source: JAMA Pediatrics/CBS News **Categories:** News **Tags:** Cigarettes, Smoking, Tobacco --- ### [People Are Talking About Ryan Phillippe's Amazing Winter Photo](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-winter-photo-1231/) **Published:** December 31, 2017 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![Ryan Phillippe shirtless muscular](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/ryan-phillippe12.jpg?resize=635%2C472&ssl=1) ## Ryan Phillippe’s inspirational picture If you are a man in need of some gym inspiration, look no further than [actor Ryan Phillippe](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-facts/). Recently, the forty-three year old entertainer posted a picture of himself on Instagram that has many people talking. Captioning the photo, “Movin snowflakes by the O-Z,” the *Shooter* star showed fans his incredibly buff body against the backdrop of wind and snow. The decidedly [lumbersexual photo](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) suggests that he’s healed from a “freak accident” that occurred earlier this summer. At the time, the star ended up breaking his leg in a UTV accident. **But that’s not really the important news here.** The real story is that Phillipe, who has struggled with depression for most of his life, offers guys a blueprint for mental and physical wellness. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BdLIXVKHE6J/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) According to an interview he [gave to People](http://people.com/celebrity/ryan-phillippe-aging-still-looks-young-mistaken-for-daughter-ava-brother/), he’s always been focused on his workout program. Here’s what he’s said on this topic: “I get a lot of balance and meditative peace out of being physical and exercise.” And what about depression? Here’s what he shared with *[US Magazine](https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/ryan-phillippe-on-the-importance-of-talking-about-depression-w497976/)* not too long ago. “I believe that depression and mood disorders are on a spectrum akin to the way autism is, where it’s an individual experience. I think people fear being stigmatized or treated in a blanket fashion, which is sometimes the response to someone who says, ‘I struggle with depression.’ But really, depression could manifest in a thousand different ways depending on who it is. I don’t think there’s any reason not to talk about it. We can help each other cope and give tools that we learn along the way.” If you who believe you are too old to get fit or too depressed to do anything about it, Phillippe’s focus on wellness should inspire you to think differently. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BdN4LObHhxm/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) Back to that *People* interview. “If we work on taking care of ourselves in our 20s, 30s, and 40s, and you’re consistent about that, it just makes the aging process a lot less brutal,” he says. “It’s the absolute truth. I don’t care your body type or male or female. If you are moving and exercising and taking care of yourself, aging just won’t be as dramatic and it won’t be as unpleasant. We’re all going to have to go through it.” If you want to learn more about how physical activity and exercise can help with depression, check out this post on the [benefits](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/07/treat-depression-naturally-with-strength-training/) of strength training. Food for thought guys! Photo credit: Ryan Phillippe Instagram **Categories:** Entertainment, News **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, Fitness, Ryan Phillippe --- ### [Aerobic Exercise May Help Boost Memory and Slow Dementia](https://guycounseling.com/aerobic-exercise-memory-2801/) **Published:** December 28, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man running memory jogging](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/jogging.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Working up a sweat helps with mild cognitive impairment Doctors have long since known that exercise holds many benefits for the body and mind. But what about people who suffer from mild cognitive difficulties? According to a new guideline from the American Academy of Neurology, the answer appears to be yes. As people age, thinking and memory skills sometimes deteriorate, which can have a negative impact on quality of life. While less severe than dementia, mild cognitive impairment (MCI) is a middle stage between the expected cognitive decline of normal aging and the more troublesome decline of dementia. “It’s exciting that exercise may help improve memory at this stage, as it’s something most people can do, and of course it has overall health benefits,” said lead investigator of the new guideline, Dr. Ronald Petersen. He is with the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota., and is a fellow of the American Academy of Neurology. “Because mild cognitive impairment may progress to dementia, it is particularly important that mild cognitive impairment is diagnosed early,” Petersen shared in a news release from the academy. Petersen encourages people to try aerobic exercise. For example, take a brisk walk or jog for 150 minutes each week. It can be done in blocks throughout the week, like 30 minutes five times a week or 50 minutes three times. The idea is to work up a sweat but not super rigorous. “Exercising might slow down the rate at which you would progress from mild cognitive impairment to dementia,” he says. **More:** [Sleep may help boost memory recall](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-memory-recall/) The recommendation is part of an updated guideline for mild cognitive impairment published in the Dec. 27 online issue of Neurology, the medical journal of the American Academy of Neurology. Researchers have found that more than 37% of people age 85 and older and six percent of people in their 60’s may have some form of mild cognitive impairment. The updated guideline may be particularly good news for guys. That’s because published data from the [National Institutes of Health](https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/mild-cognitive-impairment-more-common-older-men-older-women) suggests that older men tend to suffer from MCI more than older women. “If you or others have noticed that you are forgetful and are having trouble with complex tasks, you should see your doctor to be evaluated and not assume that it is just part of normal aging,” says Peterson. Common symptoms of MCI can include: - Forgetfulness - Losing train of thought - Feeling overwhelmed when making decisions - Difficulty maneuvering familiar environments - More impulsive behaviors - Depression and/or anxiety - A sense of apathy It’s important to note that other issues can impact memory that has nothing to do with MCI. “Sometimes memory problems are a side effect of medications, sleep disturbances, depression, or other causes that can be treated,” Petersen added. “It is important to meet with your doctor to determine the root cause. Early action may keep memory problems from getting worse.” The recommendation from the American Academy of Neurology comes at a time when a recent study from researchers at Mount Sinai suggest that [healthy lifestyle choices](https://guycounseling.com/memory-healthy-lifestyle-choices/) can help with working memory. Source: [Mayo Clinic, press release, Dec. 27, 2017](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2017-12/mc-ng122617.php) **Categories:** Mind, News **Tags:** Dementia, Memory, Mild Cognitive Impairment, research --- ### [10 Things Men Do That Make Their Anxiety Worse](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/) **Published:** October 22, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men with anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/anxiety-men-worse.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men and anxiety As a man, I can tell you that discussing the topic of anxiety with other guys makes you about as popular as a skunk at a picnic. But here’s the thing – something like [10% of men](http://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers.aspx) in the United States struggle with this mental health issue per the American Psychological Association (APA, 2015). While there’s no way to know, it’s safe bet those numbers are much higher. Why might this be? It’s simple. Most men would rather talk about anything other than their feelings. If you are a guy reading this, you know exactly what I mean. Hey, I’m not saying this is the case for all males. It’s not. But in my experience as a counselor specializing in guy topics, it’s true for many. Below are 10 things men do that make their anxiety worse. It’s important to state some of these also apply to women. But given the focus of this site, I’m focusing in on the guys. Read all of them to fully absorb their deeper meaning. Try not to judge yourself but instead, reflect on what speaks to your inner truth. Let’s jump right in! ![men and anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=331%2C248&ssl=1) ## 1. Denial If you pretend anxiety isn’t part of your life, you engage in the cognitive distortion called denial. Typically, this one is manifested through self-talk and it goes like this: *I can handle this on my own.* Here’s the real deal guys: most of us can’t. Men who [grapple with self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) or body shame need to be super mindful of this point. ## 2. Reaching for 420 Occasional use of marijuana isn’t a big deal. We all have our vices. But if the norm for you is to reach for weed to chill your nerves, understand that the benefits are temporary. Here’s why: If you toke 420 too much, it can paradoxically worsen anxiety and cause paranoia. For many people, this ignites a never-ending cycle of lighting up when coming down. ## 3. Soothing nerves with alcohol Tossing back a few may offer a quick escape from your anxiety but at the end of the day, alcohol can make your anxiety worse. As time goes on, using alcohol can become habitual. This is particularly true if you have a family history of alcoholism. Don’t believe me? Check out this [NIH publication](https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/familyhistory/famhist.htm). ## 4. Relying on meds A lot of guys think popping pills (Klonopin) is all that’s needed to treat anxiety. While anxiolytics are helpful, they usually aren’t enough. Research dating back to the 80’s tells us the most effective approach includes a mix of talk therapy, physical activity, and yep – meds (Taylor, Sallis, & Needle, 1985). > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BZxUEm7FN9S/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## 5. Believing men don’t get anxious If I had a buck for every time a guy told me in therapy, “Strong men don’t have anxiety,” I’d be rich. **Here’s the truth – we do.** Moreover, we’re excellent at masking it! That said, anxiety is gender neutral. It also has zip to do with strength. Just because you get anxious doesn’t make you less manly. If you are looking for a tool to help with some of what you are feeling, I highly recommend the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Dr. Edmund Borne ([See Amazon for price](http://amzn.to/2xeT73u)). ## 6. Self-shaming In my experience, people are born with certain traits. For example, some folks are [born with green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/). Others, brown. And some come out of the womb with anxiety. It just happens that way. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. Yet a lot of guys feel just that. And you know what else? It makes anxiety worse. The healthier approach is to acknowledge the presence of anxiety in your life through integration. To accomplish this, consider [learning about ACT](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/), the acronym for acceptance and commitment therapy. ## 7. Shutting down One way anxiety becomes worse is by going into shut-down mode. Here’s how the guy mind works for this one: *If nobody sees me, they won’t know I’m anxious*. I’m here to tell you that subscribing to this line of thinking will make things worse. Look, I get it. It sucks being around people when want to jump out of your skin. Obviously, don’t force it. That said, if you isolate too much, you run the risk of making that anxiety flip into depression. When that happens, you can enter a very bad place. Didn’t you know? [Anxiety and depression](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/11/10-things-depression-doesnt-want-you-to-know/) are best buds. ## 8. Buying into learned helplessness Do you feel there’s nothing you can do about your anxiety because “I’m just a messed up!” If the answer is yes, you are buying into learned helplessness. What does that mean? In simple speak, it means you believe you are a victim of the fates. In turn, you use it as an excuse for inaction. Ask yourself: Am I *really* a victim? ## 9. Blaming others A lot of people, including men, make their anxiety worse by playing the blame game. You know what I’m talking about, right? That’s where you lash out at your spouse, child or friend because you think they are to blame for feeling crappy. With anxiety, you need to know they aren’t to blame. **And neither are you.** No doubt – certain situations can contribute to a disparate mood. But the research tells us anxiety is more likely linked to organic and/or hereditary origins. Remember, the folks you are getting angry with are your support systems. Do you really want to alienate them? ## 10. Magical thinking The final one I’ll list is magical thinking. With this one, you may believe something like: *It will eventually go away*. That’s true – it absolutely might! But what if it doesn’t? Moreover, what if it comes back with greater intensity? If you can relate, chalk it up to magical thinking; a belief that can make anxiety worse. ## Bringing it all together Anxiety doesn’t operate like a switch that can be turned off and on at will. Man, I wish that were the case. But here is what you can do. Rethink the relationship with your feelings. Formulate a realistic strategy for health. Over time, you can do a lot to create positive change. To my mind, real men face their anxiety head-on. That includes you. Peace out! Related Topics: [Body scan for men](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) [10 natural remedies for anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/10-natural-remedies-anxiety-calm-relax/) **References** APA. (2015, December). *By the numbers*. Retrieved from American Psychological Association : http://www.apa.org/monitor/2015/12/numbers.aspx Taylor, C. B., Sallis, J. F., & Needle, R. (1985). *The relation of physical activity and exercise to mental health*. Retrieved from U.S. National Library of Medicine: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1424736/ Photo Credit: Deposit Photos **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Anxious, Depression, Mindfulness, Nervous --- ### [What To Do When She Flirts With Other Men](https://guycounseling.com/women-flirts-other-men-12261/) **Published:** December 26, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![women flirts with other guy bar](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/couple-bar.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Tips when she flirts with other guys** Have you ever dated someone who has a wandering eye? When out with your girlfriend, does she check out other guys and sometimes [hit on them](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-09250-002)? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. A major reason couples get into arguments relates to flirting. While most people think guys are usually the guilty party, it’s fair to say that women also (at times) engage in this activity. So what should you do when something like this happens? Do you say anything or keep your mouth shut because you don’t want to come off as controlling? ## Options The very first thing you’ll want to determine is if she was flirting in the first place. I mention this because sometimes when jealousy rears its ugly head, it has a way of distorting reality. This point is particularly true if you struggle with self-esteem issues that [ignite your anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men-worse/). That’s not to say what you experienced didn’t happen. Instead, it’s just a gentle nudge to encourage some self-assessment before taking any action. The next step is to have an honest look in the mirror and own any of your own behaviors. In other words – *have you been flirting?* If the answer is yes, has she noticed this? Women have a keen sense of intuition and can easily sense when the man they are dating flirts with others. They are born with this chip. Don’t try to understand it. Instead, just accept its existence. Assuming you have been flirting, her behavior could be a passive- aggressive way of reflecting back your own stuff. I’m not saying this is right. It’s not. Instead, I’m simply sharing what I’ve seen when working with couples. Now if you can honestly say you haven’t been flirting with others, her behavior could be a signal something else is up on a deeper level. **I won’t mince words. Here are the possibilities:** - She’s bored with you and the relationship - She may not feel you give her enough attention - She’s no longer attracted to you - She’s not ready to commit - It’s too early in the relationship to expect exclusivity In these types of situations, it’s best to **not jump to conclusions**. In a mindful way, you need to speak with your girlfriend and share your observations. You’ll need to have concrete examples. Be prepared for her to be a defensive. Remember that she will likely mirror your tone as part of the conversation. That’s why I’m suggesting you [need to mindful](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/) of how you approach the situation. It could very well be that you have misread the entire dynamic. Look for a history of behaviors and not just one incident. Also, if alcohol was involved, you need to recognize that it can impair judgement. That’s not a permission slip what happened. But it is something to consider as you look at the big picture. If during the conversation she admits to hitting on other guys and acts like it’s no big deal, you need to break up fast. That’s because you are dating someone who is only interested in getting attention (from other guys) and could care less about your comfort zone. Do you really want to be attached to someone like that – particularly for the long-term? By cutting things off, you show respect for yourself and preserve your self-concept. Image credit: Deposit photos **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Dating Tips, Flirts, Jealousy --- ### [Proof Entitled People Think Rules Don’t Apply](https://guycounseling.com/entitled-people-rules-study-1224/) **Published:** December 24, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![arrogant man skeptical](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/arrogant-man-skeptical-folded-arms.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Know someone who acts entitled? An interesting study was recently released in the journal [Social Psychological and Personality Science](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1948550617729885) that suggests entitled people are less likely to follow instructions, mostly because they think the instructions as an unfair imposition on themselves. “The fact that there are a lot of complaints these days about having to deal with entitled students and entitled employees, suggests the need for a solution,” said Dr. Emily Zitek from Cornell University, the study’s author. Using six different experiments, investigators assessed who was more likely to avoid following instructions in a word search. **More:** [Lack of work-life balance can lead to exhaustion](https://guycounseling.com/work-life-balance-exhaustion-12151/) After establishing that participants who scored high on measures of entitled personality were less likely to follow instructions, they administered a set of scenarios with the goal of trying to understand why these people believed they didn’t have to do as asked. As part of the study, researchers tested for different traits – like being selfish. They even suggested they would penalize participants who didn’t follow the directions. Low and behold, the participants scoring high on entitlement still wouldn’t follow the instructions. As mentioned in the study, researchers were genuinely perplexed at how hard it was to get these folks to comply with rules. Said, Zitek: “We thought that everyone would follow instructions when we told people that they would definitely get punished for not doing so, but entitled individuals still were less likely to follow instructions than less entitled individuals.” The findings may offer helpful insight for supervisors, teachers, and organizational leaders who regularly deal with group dynamics. “A challenge for managers, professors, and anyone else who needs to get people with a sense of entitlement to follow instructions is to think about how to frame the instructions to make them seem fairer or more legitimate,” said Zitek. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Arrogance, Entitled, research, Study --- ### [How To Write a Romantic Love Letter](https://guycounseling.com/write-romantic-love-letter/) **Published:** December 24, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![love letter](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/love-letter.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Writing a love letter takes advance work Hunting for information on how to write a love letter? Hoping to pen something romantic that doesn’t come off too cheesy? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. I can’t tell you how many times men have walked into my counseling office asking for advice on this topic. Let’s be real – as guys, talking (or writing) about our feelings isn’t something we typically do. There are tons of reasons for this but it’s mostly cultural norms that act as barriers to communication. Plus, as a tribe, men aren’t all that comfortable being vulnerable. But here is what you need to know: **Writing a love letter is one of the most powerful things you can ever do to win over a mate’s heart.** There was a time when men wrote love letters all time. But the practice has faded over the years – thanks to email and text messaging. Think about it – when is the last time you opened an envelope containing a handwritten note? Probably a long time, right? And so, guys – that is what this piece is all about. To teach you how to author a **real love letter** that isn’t some fake BS you grabbed from the web. **In this article, you will learn:** - The definition of a love letter. - Why you should write a love letter. - The importance of understanding your mental frame - How to identify your love style. - 7 tips for writing your note. - Video from a love-struck WWI soldier. ![what are love letters](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/scorpio-and-Aquarius-compatibility.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Love letters are the written expression of what you feel deep inside ## What is a love letter? In simple terms, a love letter is something a person writes to express deeply held, intimate feelings in written form. While such notes can be electronic, they have historically been created using pen and paper. Length sizes vary from super short to very long. Much depends on the author and the relationship to the recipient of the note. ## Why write a love letter? As we dive deep into this topic, it makes sense to question the purpose of a love letter. In other words, why write one? Well, I could bore you with a bunch of flowery nonsense but instead, I’m going to reach for psychology. **It’s like this:** - Women typically express their feelings in close relationships through the spoken and written word (Jackson, Ervin, Gardner, & Schmitt, 2001). - Men tend to expressed feelings through action (doing). - A well-written love letter helps bridge the gap between romantic feelings and a physical attraction. - An authentic letter written from your heart transforms the abstract (love) into something concrete and memorializes your feelings for eternity. - Penning a love letter gives you the chance to mindfully reflect upon your feelings and identify what’s happening deep inside. - Your mate can never say she [feels ignored](https://guycounseling.com/feel-ignored-partner/) because love letters are the ultimate reminder of a shared bond. ## When to write a love letter? Some guys want to know when is the best time to write a love letter. In my experience, there really isn’t a “right” time. That said, you are more likely to author something during the initial phase of your relationship when the romantic connection is strong. In the academic sense, this is known as the *intensifying stage* (Tolhuizen, 1984). Think of this as a kind of honeymoon period; a point in time where both of you have both agreed to become mutually exclusive. During intensification, the physical connection is high while the emotional bond continues to grow. But here is what I want to point out. **Love letters are most effective after intensification**. That is because the notes themselves help to maintain the relationship – particularly after the attraction starts to fade. So for what it is worth – don’t confine yourself to penning something as a way to get into her heart. Instead, think of your note as a way of *staying* in her heart. ## Identifying your love style A critical aspect to consider before putting pen to paper is understanding your love style. You may be wondering what I’m talking about? A love style is an approach to bonding that was conceptualized by John A. Lee in his book, *Colours of Love* ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2BWZKul)). He postulated there are six primary types of love. Here is a quick breakdown: ## Lee's Love Styles Knowing your love style and that of your mate can help with writing your letter | Love Style | Think | Type | Description | |---|---|---|---| | Eros (IR-os) | Romance | Primary style | This style of love is commonly seen in romantic movies. Also called "love at first sight", there is usually a very strong physical attraction combined with an emotional connection. | | Ludos (LOO-dos) | Game-playing love | Primary style | Ludos lovers see love as a game to be won and have multiple partners. Fun is the emphasis but the length of the relationship is usually short. | | Storge (STORE-gaye) | Friendship based | Primary | This style of love generally grows slow and is based on a place of friendship. Similar interests and a commitment are emphasized rather than passion. | | Agape (aw-GAW-pay) | Being selfless | Eros + Storge | Storge lovers are willing to do (and sacrifice) anything for a partner. Their love is based on a rock-solid commitment and unconditional, selfless love. | | Mania (MANE-ee-ah) | Obsessive | Ludos + Eros | Possessive lovers that become jealous and controlling. Usually, person with this love style has low self-esteem. | | Pragma (PRAG-ma) | Practical | Ludos + Storge | Practical type of love Many power couples have this approach to relationships. | Before continuing, let me clearly state it is possible to have a combination of love styles. Lee’s work shouldn’t be viewed literally. Instead, think of them as a framework for inspiration. In this way, knowing your love style can help to inform how to write your letter. In short, that’s how you’ll pen something **real.** For example, if you have an *Eros* dynamic, it may help to lean on this knowledge and mention how beautiful some aspect of her body is. However, if your love style is more companion-based because you have been together for awhile, it makes sense to talk more about the emotional aspects of your bond. Conversely, if your relationship is practical in nature – which is often characteristic of a long-term couple – you’ll want to talk about how certain needs are met. That’s why it [helps to mindfully reflect](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/) on what you and your mate share. ## ![7 love letter writing tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/seven.jpg?resize=523%2C327&ssl=1) ## 7 Tips for Writing Your Love Letter Once you have zoned in on your feelings, it’s time to touch pen to paper. Adapt what follows to your personal situation. . ### 1. Consider the type of paper and pen you will use It may not seem important but the writing utensil you choose will have an impact on the quality of your letter. The same holds true for the type of paper the note is written on. - Avoid pens that bleed. Instead, opt for something like a ballpoint. - Use white or parched paper, preferably something made of heavy stock. Some guys like using [vintage stationery](http://amzn.to/2DBsadP). - An envelope is optional however, they can come in handy when placing the letter in a purse or propping up on a nightstand. - Writing your mate’s name on the envelope adds something special to the experience. ### 2. Write in a quiet place This point may seem like a no-brainer but it is worth mentioning. When you write your letter, do it in a quiet place, free of distractions. - Turn off your smartphone. - Make sure music is kept to a minimum. - Write in a place that has a firm surface, like a desk or table. - Meditate for a few moments to clear your mind of extraneous debris. - Some people find it helpful to have a photo of the person they are writing to nearby. This helps to strengthen the mental connection. ### 3. Identify what you are feeling As you begin writing your letter, keep to the forefront of your mind what you are feeling. Know this will help guide your note in a powerful way. Here are some examples: - As I was thinking about your smile today and it reminded me of how much I love you. The truth is, I don’t say these words to you nearly enough. - When we made love last night, it occurred to me how deeply in love I am with you. The problem is, I’m not the best at telling you this. Hence, I’m writing this letter. - I can’t help but smile when I think about how great you are with the kids. I love you so much for being such a great mom. In fact, think of you with our kids inspired me to write this letter. - Whenever I look into your eyes, I fall in love all over again. ### 4. Talk about specifics Using platitudes really isn’t going to cut it when you write a love note. Women can see right through that. Instead, you’ll want to talk about specifics. In other words, answer the question: *What are the things that you love about your mate?* Here are some quick examples: - I love the smell of your hair. - When I touch your soft skin, it drives me nuts. - I love the way you giggle when we spoon. - When I’m having a crappy day, your smile makes everything better. - Your laugh is contagious – I love that about you. - When I’m up early in the morning and see you sleeping, it’s a beautiful memory that stays with me all day long. ### 5. Talk about how she has changed you You don’t need to spend a lot of time on this area of the letter but it is important to mention it in some way. In truth, when we bond with someone, there is a transformation that takes place. Here are some examples: - Before meeting you I was so lonely. I can’t believe I’ve been gifted such an amazing woman. - Your love has allowed me to be more relaxed. I never thought someone would have this kind of effect on me. - Through your love, I’m better able to see what is important in life. ### 6. Talk about the future In this part of your letter, you’ll want to reaffirm your commitment while speaking to the future. A simple sentence or two is really all that it takes. An example might be: “My love for you has no limits. There is no future without you.” Another one might be: “I’m always going to be here for you – faithful and true.” ### 7. Lovingly sum things up The last part of your note should be simple and succinct. It’s OK to be cute or draw something memorable– like a heart or smiley face. The idea of the summary is to jot down a few sentences that weave together your motivations for writing the piece. It also reaffirms your love. ## Love Letters Video If you are looking for an example love letter, I’m including a video below that features a collection from a soldier in the trenches from World War I. Take note of their simplicity, which has an endearing effect. ## Where to leave a love letter? Typically, a man will leave a love letter to a mate in the following ways: - Slipping the note into her purse. - Propping the letter on a nightstand. - Placing the note on her shoes or toiletries. - Mailing the letter if it’s a long-distance relationship. ## Wrap Up The important thing to keep in mind is your love letter doesn’t need to be perfect. In fact, it’s the subtle imperfections that will make your piece authentic and meaningful. The critical thing is to make sure that whatever you pen comes from your heart. Some folks think love letters are a “Valentine’s Day thing”. I assure you they are not. You can pen something anytime you want. In fact, the most meaningful letters are the ones you deliver when they aren’t expected. I hope you found the tips I’ve suggested useful. Thanks for stopping by. **References:** Jackson, L., Ervin, K., Gardner, P., & Schmitt, N. (2001). Gender and the Internet: Women Communicating and Men Searching. Sex roles, 363-379. Tolhuizen, J. H. (1984). Communication strategies for intensifying dating relationships: Identification, use, and structure. . Journal of personal and Social Psychologhy, 413-434. **Categories:** Guy Skills, Relationships **Tags:** Love Letter, Note, Romantic Letter --- ### [Beer Goggles Make Men Hook Up With People They Normally Wouldn’t](https://guycounseling.com/beer-goggles-hook-behaviors-1223/) **Published:** December 22, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![beef](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/beer.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Do beer goggles make people more attractive? According to a study released by [National University of Ireland, Galway](http://www.nuigalway.ie/about-us/news-and-events/news-archive/2017/december2017/publication-of-report-on-sexual-health-and-attitudes-.html) (NUIG), 58% of the men have hooked up with someone they typically wouldn’t have if they were sober. The research also revealed that 57% of guys have a hard time saying no to sexual advances after consuming alcohol. The study was conducted using a college population (aged 18-29) by NUIG’s Elaine Byrnes and Pádraig MacNeela and was published on the school’s website. Other research seems to confirm NUIG’s findings. A study released by the [University of Nebraska (Lincoln)](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-017-0876-2) reveals that the more guys drink, the less inhibited they become. Moreover, they are more likely to unintentionally gaze at certain female body parts – particularly if the women are perceived as unintelligent or unfriendly. Caveat: The University of Nebraska study was small, using only 49 college-aged men between the ages of 21-27. Still, the findings do seem to track with NUIG’s data regarding the impact of alcohol and sexual behavior. **More:** [Heavy drinking and smoking causes premature aging](https://guycounseling.com/premature-aging-smoking-drinking/) With the Nebraska study, investigators showed the male participants pictures of 80-college-aged women who were dressed up to go out and party. Using eye-tracking equipment, the guys to focus on the women’s appearance (meaning their faces). What they discovered was when the guys had their beer goggles on (meaning they had been drinking) they were more likely to stare at the women’s chests and waists. Let’s jump back to that NUIG study because several key findings surfaced on sexual health, behavior, and attitudes. In the past 12 months, 8% of females and 4% of males were uncertain but suspected sexual contact during a time when they were unable to provide consent or stop what was happening because they were passed out, drugged, drunk, incapacitated or asleep. Another interesting finding was that 76% of females and 69% of males said they are less nervous about sex after drinking. **Categories:** News **Tags:** Attraction, Beer, Beer Goggles, Hook Up --- ### [Will Men Use a Gel-Based Form of Contraception?](https://guycounseling.com/male-contraception-gel-test-1232/) **Published:** December 22, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![attractive couple kissing in bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/couple-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## A new form of male birth control is being tested by scientists. In the world of male birth control, guys currently have two options: condoms or a vasectomy. But a third possibility may be available in the future that is gaining lots of buzz. A contraceptive gel. Scientists are testing a prototype that will work as a form of male birth control, according to a published report in *[MIT Technology Review](https://www.technologyreview.com/s/609773/a-contraceptive-gel-for-men-is-about-to-go-on-trial/)*. Made of two lab-created hormones, testosterone and a synthetic form of progestin, the gel can be applied to the upper body regions daily (arms and shoulders) to help prevent pregnancy. If the drug works correctly, the progestin is supposed to lower male sperm count while the testosterone acts as a balancing agent to prevent mood swings. Previous forms of male contraception involving testosterone proved problematic, such as the [2016 trial](http://press.endocrine.org/doi/10.1210/jc.2016-2141) of an injectable. Researchers say the gel should be used for a month to realize the full benefits. Moreover, there is room for forgiveness, meaning if a guy forgets a dose, he still has a 72-hour window where his sperm levels will remain suppressed. **More:** [Smokers may need more than meds to quit](https://guycounseling.com/quitting-smoking-pills-patches-1221/) It’s important to note that should this form of male birth control become available, there are some men who won’t be able to use it for medical reasons. ## Will guys use a gel? The real question remains is *will guys use it*? Research has shown that men already [dislike using condoms](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/condom-conundrum-0) for a variety of reasons. Will a gel-based form of contraception change anything? One of the study’s principal investigators, Stephanie Page, a professor of Medicine at University of Washington said she’s “very confident that if men put the gel on every day and apply it correctly, it will be effective.” Men’s Culture spoke to Dr. Tyler Fortman – a licensed psychologist who works with men’s sexual issues. He offers a mixed review. “For men who are highly motivated, the gel might work. But if it requires daily application, that will require a ritualization routine – and that’s not always easy to implement.” But maybe it doesn’t matter. Scientist Régine Sitruk-Ware, of the Population Council, a nonprofit helping to sponsor the trial, shared with the MIT Technology Review that the emphasis shouldn’t be on usage. Instead, “this is about gender equity.” That said, Sitruk-Ware does believe the gel could become popular, particularly for younger guys who want options contraceptive options. “Men would also like to be able to regulate their own fertility and not be forced into fatherhood,” she said. If the trial proves successful, it will still take several years before the gel would be available in the marketplace. — Photo Stock: Deposit Photos **Categories:** News **Tags:** Condoms, Male Contraception --- ### [Matt Damon’s Comments On Sexual Harassment Spark “Ocean’s 8” Petition](https://guycounseling.com/matt-damons-comments-petition-1221/) **Published:** December 21, 2017 **Author:** Brian J. Kunstsman **Content:** ![matt damon](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/matt-damon-wiki-commons.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Petition asks producers to yank Damon’s cameo appearance in “Ocean 8”** Mega-watt celebrity Matt Damon (47) is drawing major fire from people who are angered over his controversial comments about sexual harassment in Hollywood. There are currently over 17,000 signatures on the website [Care 2](https://www.thepetitionsite.com/441/501/676/sexual-harassment-isn't-a-joke-remove-matt-damon-from-oceans-8/) that calls for the actor’s cameo appearance to be removed from upcoming, Oceans 8. The movie is an all-female reboot of the Oceans franchise that is set for release on February 20, 2018, according to [IMDb](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5164214/). Care 2 asserts that Damon’s recent comments stating that he would consider working with people accused of sexual misconduct on a “case by case” basis – [plus rumors](https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/names/2017/10/09/report-matt-damon-helped-kill-earlier-new-york-times-story-about-harvey-weinstein/2TDJnvLT0eDq9HhuvdmXjP/story.html) that Damon secretly enabled Harvey Weinstein’s improper behavior, is cause for him to be yanked from the film. Specifically, the petition asks that George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh (Ocean 8’s producers) to “toss Damon’s Oceans 8 cameo where it belongs: on the cutting room floor.” “Damon’s inclusion would trivialize the serious nature of the charges against sexual abusers like Weinstein—a show \[of\] massive disrespect for the brave women speaking out,” the petition states. “It would also send a terrible message about the inevitability of—and lack of accountability for—sexual harassment in the workplace that four in ten American women experience.” Additionally, the petition states: “Damon’s inclusion would trivialize the serious nature of the charges against sexual abusers like Weinstein—a show \[of\] massive disrespect for the brave women speaking out,” reads the petition. “It would also send a terrible message about the inevitability of—and lack of accountability for—sexual harassment in the workplace that four in ten American women experience.” Much of the controversy started when Damon made headlines in an [ABC News interview](http://people.com/movies/matt-damon-weinstein-louis-ck-controversial-interview/) where he argued: “there’s a difference between, you know, patting someone on the butt and rape or child molestation, right?” He went on to suggest “we can work with” people like Al Franken and Louis C.K., who have been previously accused of sexual harassment. Several days ago, Damon shared in an interview with *[Business Insider](http://uk.businessinsider.com/matt-damon-talks-about-sexual-misconduct-in-hollywood-2017-12?r=US&IR=T)* the following when asked if he would still work with someone accused of misconduct. “That always went into my thinking,” Damon said. “I mean, I wouldn’t want to work with somebody who — life’s too short for that. But the question of if somebody had allegations against them, you know, it would be a case-by-case basis. You go, ‘What’s the story here?'” Care 2, a Silicon Valley social networking community, hosts a variety of petitions related to social causes. Many are using the petition as a tool to share their displeasure with the popular actor’s comments about allegations of sexual harassment in Hollywood. Damon currently stars in the satirical film, Downsizing. It is set for release in theaters on December 22, 2017. — Photo Credit: Deposit Photos **Categories:** Entertainment, News **Tags:** Actors, Matt Damon, Movies --- ### [If You Want to Stop Smoking, You'll Need More Than Pills and Patches](https://guycounseling.com/quitting-smoking-pills-patches-1221/) **Published:** December 21, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![smoker](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/smoker.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **New study dispels myths about smoking cessation medications** Are you looking to quit smoking? Hoping to finally rid yourself of this unhealthy and nasty habit? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. [Research](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1494968/) shows around 40% of smokers try to quit each year. While the numbers are somewhat scattered, current estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) suggest around 15% of the U.S. population smokes. Men smoke more than women (16.7% vs. 13.6%) with 17 out of every 100 guys lighting up. Attracted to marketing messages put out by smoking cessation drug makers, many people turn to pharmaceuticals as an easy fix.  Examples include nicotine patches and pills designed to quiet urges. But a new study from the University of California San Diego School of Medicine suggests that merely using these types of aids may not be enough to arrest the habit. The research, published in the December 21 online [Journal of the National Cancer Institute](https://academic.oup.com/jnci/advance-article/doi/10.1093/jnci/djx246/4768313), explored how effective three widely used cessation aids were: varenicline, bupropion, and nicotine replacement therapy (the patch). The results were not encouraging. According to the study, thirty-four percent of people trying to quit who only used pharmaceutical relapsed. “Still, we found no evidence that the pharmaceutical cessation aids that we assessed improved the chances of successfully quitting. This was both surprising, given the promise of smoking cessation seen in randomized trials, and disappointing because of the need for interventions to help smokers quit,” said one of the study’s authors, Eric Leas, PhD. What is most effective in helping people stay quit appears to be a combination of behavioral counseling and use of pharmaceutical aids, according to the study. Counseling doesn’t need to take place at a therapist’s office. Instead, people trying to remain smoke-free can call a helping professional on the phone – like The California Smokers Helpline – to gain emotional and psychological support. ## What an addictions expert says Men’s Culture spoke to Dr. Greg Harms, a licensed psychologist and smoking cessation specialist in Chicago about the study. “The conclusions make sense. Stopping smoking requires a three-prong strategy involving emotional, behavioral, and medical support. While it’s nice to think using a medication alone will make the urges go away, it doesn’t exactly work that way.” Additionally, Harms adds: “Remember, it’s not just the body that becomes addicted to nicotine but also the mind.” He encourages people to consider joining a support group, be it in person or online. “Long after the physical urges subside, the psychological ones remain – sometimes for many years. That’s why support is needed.” The University of California study suggests that at present, only 2% of people trying to quit while taking a medication use behavioral counseling. **More health news:** [Can wearing amber glasses help with insomnia?](https://guycounseling.com/amber-glasses-insomnia-help-12171/) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Addiction, Cigarettes, Smoking Cessation, Stop Smoking --- ### [Single Men Are More Likely To Feel Lonely and Pressured](https://guycounseling.com/single-men-lonely-pressured-survey/) **Published:** December 16, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![single man walking woods](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/self-confidence.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **New research offers window into feelings of single men** Are you a single man? Do you feel pressure from others to be in a relationship? Has the entire situation got you feeling lonely? Well, take heart. According to an e-Harmony survey of 4,054 people (1,484 who identified as single), lots of guys share the same feelings you do. Moreover, the findings suggest that men who are unattached have it harder than their female counterparts. ## What the research revealed Per the survey results, 71% of bachelors indicated they felt “significant pressure” to find a mate, compared to 58% of women. Guys also reported feeling lonelier. This survey seems to support a recent [study by Mintel](https://guycounseling.com/single-men-unhappy-1257/) that suggests women have an easier go at being unattached. This begs the question: Why are women (as a group) better able to handle single-life? According to the e-Harmony survey, women call upon their emotional support systems more, which helps with coping in many ways. In an interview appearing in the *Daily Mail*, e-Harmony’s psychologist Dr. Linda Papadopoulos suggested the findings stand in stark contrast to what many people assume about single guys. “This challenges the traditional idea of the happy-go-lucky bachelor who is more suited to single life than his female equivalent,” shared Papadopoulos. ![single men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/therapist-for-men-guy-counseling-life-coaching-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Common myths about death dreams ## Is being single so bad? But being single shouldn’t be thought of as a terrible thing. Chris Sherwood, CEO of Relate, reflected upon the survey results and said: “Whilst almost half of respondents said that feeling lonely was a downside to being single, it can also be an opportunity to learn about yourself and build independence,” he said, according to the Mail. “It’s therefore a shame that so many single people, and especially men, are feeling pressure to settle down and find a new partner. It’s important that we regard being single as a lifestyle choice which may change at any time and avoid making judgments about people’s relationship status.” One could make the argument that this is an amazing time to be single. We live in a time where technology has opened new doors, allowing men and women to put themselves out there for meeting like never before. At the very least, the results may serve as an indicator that guys need to do a better job of formulating bonds with others. This means ditching the bro-code and opening up about feelings to other guys. Source: [e-Harmony and Daily Mail](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5169453/Men-stressed-relationship-women.html) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Dating Pressure, Friends, Lonely, Single Men --- ### [Women Much Prefer Guys Who Are Built, Study Shows](https://guycounseling.com/women-prefer-built-men-study-12152/) **Published:** December 15, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![muscular weight lifting built guy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-gym-curls-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study shows women like strong, built men Guys, if you need a push to hit the gym more often, newly released research may be just the shot in the arm you need. That’s because this study shows women much prefer guys who are built – meaning muscular. The research, which has been published this past week in the [Royal Society Journal](http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/284/1869/20171819) Proceedings B, had 160 women rate faceless images of male physiques. Unanimously, the women picked men who appeared physically stronger, with larger pecs and bigger arms. “We weren’t surprised that women found physically strong men attractive … what did surprise us was just how powerful the effect was,” said Aaron Sell to [The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/science/2017/dec/13/polish-up-your-pecs-women-prefer-strong-men-say-scientists), a senior lecturer at Griffith University, Queensland, Australia, and principal investigator of the study. “Our data couldn’t find even a single woman that preferred weaker … male bodies.” In this line of research, the investigators created a database shirtless male photos or tank-top wearing men. Their faces were obscured. All of the guys were university students, but 60 were recruited from the gym while 130 were basic psychology students. All the guys were given tests with weights, used to assess [muscular strength](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/). As part of the research, women and men were then asked to make a judgment on how strong they thought the men were, on a scale of 1 to 7 (based on the photos). Notably, their guesses were very accurate, correlating in many cases with the strength tests. Moreover, the women’s ratings of the men’s attractiveness directly correlated to their muscular strength. No one will be surprised by the idea that strong men are more attractive,” said Aaron Lukaszewski, an evolutionary psychologist at California State University at Fullerton and a study author. “It’s no secret that women like strong, muscular guys,” he shared with the [Washington Post](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/speaking-of-science/wp/2017/12/12/women-rate-the-strongest-men-as-the-most-attractive-study-finds/). That said, the researchers were less interested in determining the obvious and more interested in learning about what empowered the responses. “People are going to wonder why scientists needed to study it,” said Holly Dunsworth, an anthropologist at the University of Rhode Island and not involved in the study. “The answer would be because they want to know how these preferences evolved.” The investigators suggest there are “ancestral cues,” an evolutionary relic of ancient human mating rituals. During the rise of early man, women would instinctually choose men who were stronger because they thought they would be better providers and protectors. On some level, this makes sense – particularly where a family might be involved. But regarding [male attractiveness](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/), a working theory exists that says that there’s a “sweet spot” for muscle. Many people feel if a guy is too built, it can be unattractive. This new study seems to suggest otherwise. “The theory is that, yes, there would have been benefits ancestrally, in terms of the ability to acquire resources, protecting offspring, hunting and so on. But at a certain point, mating with highly dominant men, they can exert all this aggressive coercive control and there might be costs,” Lukaszewski said, stressing that his study shows that women prefer muscular guys, regardless of the potential downsides. Despite the findings, guys who are less muscular shouldn’t feel too disappointed. As revealed in [The Independent](http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/women-stronger-men-attraction-looks-muscles-weak-study-dating-a8105976.html), several other lines of research have noted a number of factors that the ladies find more attractive. For example, previous studies revealed women gravitate towards men who are bald or short. **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Attractiveness, built, exercisse, Men, muscular --- ### [Man Flu May Be More Real Than You Think](https://guycounseling.com/man-flu-12132/) **Published:** December 13, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![sick man man flu](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-flu-sick-man-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study suggests man flu is real For many years, the idea of a “Man Flu” has been the stuff of urban legend. But what if its existence is true? According to a new line of research, it just might be. According to a new study appearing in the [British Medical Journal](http://www.bmj.com/content/359/bmj.j5560), when it comes to respiratory diseases, men are more susceptible to complications than women because their immune systems are weaker. So, there may be legitimate reasons why men stay quiet, take time off work, curl up under the blankets and chill to ESPN all day. **More:** [Single men aren’t happy being single](https://guycounseling.com/single-men-unhappy-1257/) Dr. Kyle Sue, the principal investigator of the study and a professor of family medicine at Memorial University in St. John’s, says “man flu” is often used to suggest that men may exaggerate their symptoms. “It’s a frequently heard stereotype,” he says. Well, according to the study, guys sometimes do feel their cold/flu symptoms more than their female counterparts. Sue, a man who himself has found himself being accused of faking it and “over-reacting,” goes out on a limb for all guys by pointing to research that suggests men might suffer from worse flu symptoms than women. Mostly, he uncovered studies in mice that revealed females have higher immune responses than males. Additionally, he cited research in humans that found more men died from influenza than women in the United States. On top of that, he also cited studies showing women are more responsive to flu vaccines. Even the World Health Organization itself urges the following to the masses: “sex should be considered when evaluating influenza exposure and outcomes,” he writes. Finally, Sue also talked about a survey conducted by a well-known magazine that found it takes men twice as long to recover from viral respiratory illness, with the authors suggesting that women/caregivers should: “go that extra mile to care for us when we are stricken with it, so that future shelves can be erected, cars can be maintained and football stadia throughout the land can be well attended.” He shares: “The concept of man flu, as commonly defined, is potentially unjust. Men may not be exaggerating symptoms but have weaker immune responses to viral respiratory viruses, leading to greater morbidity and mortality than seen in women. There are benefits to energy conservation when ill. Lying on the couch, not getting out of bed, or receiving assistance with activities of daily living could also be evolutionarily behaviours that protect against predators. Perhaps now is the time for male friendly spaces, equipped with enormous televisions and reclining chairs, to be set up where men can recover from the debilitating effects of man flu in safety and comfort.” Peter Barlow, who is associate professor of immunology and infection at Edinburgh Napier University, stresses that there are myriad of factors impacting how a person experiences the flu. Bottom line: It’s difficult to prove if men have it worse or not. “There are a significant number of factors which can contribute to the severity of an influenza infection,” he said, according to The Guardian. “As the author of the article alludes, it is currently impossible to say whether there are sex-specific differences in susceptibility to influenza virus, or in the progression of the infection.” So, if you want to believe in man flu, this is your permission slip. Or not. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Flu, Illness, Men, research, Sick, Study --- ### [How Perceptions of Power In Marriage Are Impacted By Surname Use](https://guycounseling.com/power-perceptions-marriage-surname-12111/) **Published:** December 11, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man marriage wedding](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/compliments-men.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Marriage, power perceptions, and surname choices One of the topics that often comes up in premarital counseling is changing last names. Specifically, we’re talking about the long-standing custom of women dropping their maiden name and adopting their husband’s surname as their own. Fifty-years ago, this kind of topic wouldn’t have come up in therapy. But because of changing cultural shifts, things appear to be changing rapidly. New research may help to inform what’s going on. Much of it has to do with perception. In a three-part study conducted in the U.S. and the U.K., Dr. Rachael Robnett of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV) and her coauthors concluded that men whose wives retain their own surnames after marriage are viewed as submissive and less powerful in the relationship. The research, published in Springer’s *Sex Roles: A Journal of Research*, is one of the very first studies to examine whether perceptions of a guy’s personality influences whether his wife adopts his surname or retains her own. “The marital surname tradition is more than just a tradition. It reflects subtle gender-role norms and ideologies that often remain unquestioned despite privileging men,” stated Robnett, an assistant professor of psychology at UNLV. Using several different research methods, investigators discovered a link between gender-typed personality traits and perceived power dynamics. Historically, men with dominant traits, such as [being assertive](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/), have been associated with higher status and power. Expression of nurturing and more loving traits have been ascribed to women, which also has stereotypically equated to lower status and power. What’s interesting is that Robnett’s study revealed that perceptions of these gender norms change based on the woman’s decision to take her husband’s last name. “Our findings indicate that people extrapolate from marital surname choices to make more general inferences about a couple’s gender-typed personality traits,” she said. In the first study, U.S. undergraduate students were surveyed. They were asked to characterize a man, based on the wife’s decision to retain her surname upon marriage. Participants described the man using expressive terms, commenting that he was “caring,” “submissive,” “timid,” and “understanding”. The next study involved participants from England (southeast region). They were asked to read a vignette about a fictional couple that was engaged. Participants were queried about their perceptions of the women’s last name choice. The conclusion? Respondents perceived the man as higher in expressive traits and lower in instrumental traits when the woman retained her own surname. The third study, which also used U.S. undergraduate students, focused on whether hostile sexism (or negative views towards women) helps to inform individual differences in participants responses to questions about power in a fictional marriage. The respondents who strongly held to traditional gender roles and can be characterized as “hostile sexists” viewed a man whose spouse retained her surname as being disempowered. “We know from prior research that people high in hostile sexism respond negatively to women who violate traditional gender roles,” Robnett said. “Our findings show that they also apply stereotypes to nontraditional women’s husbands.” Source: [University of Nevada, Las Vegas](https://www.unlv.edu/) **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Equality, Marriage, Perception, Power, Surname --- ### [Marriage Has Lifelong Impact On Feelings of Happiness](https://guycounseling.com/marriage-happiness-study-1219/) **Published:** December 19, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![happiness marriage happy couple](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/happy-couple.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Study suggests married couples more satisfied with life than singles Much has been written about the benefits of marriage. Examples include financial and emotional security. According to new a new study authored by Shawn Grover and John Helliwell of the Vancouver School of Economics in Canada, happiness can also be added to the list. Investigators used long-term British Household Panel Survey data from 30,000 people between 1991-2009 – and the United Kingdom’s Annual Population (2011 to 2013), involving more than 328,000 people – to conduct an analysis. According to their findings, married couples were more satisfied with their lives when compared to singles. Additionally, people living as a couple, but unmarried, responded much like married persons. **More:** [Wealth impacts experiences of happiness](https://guycounseling.com/money-happiness-study-1218/) If you are thinking satisfaction in life was confined to the so-called honeymoon phase phenomenon – think again. The study found feelings of content continued into old age. The research has been published in the *Journal of Happiness*. What’s interesting is that the beneficial aspects of marriage – meaning feelings of well-being – occurred most profoundly during middle age. This is a time in life that is often associated with the dreaded “mid-life crisis”. As highlighted in the study, unmarried people experienced much deeper dips in life satisfaction during this time period. “Marriage may help ease the causes of a mid-life dip in life satisfaction and the benefits of marriage are unlikely to be short-lived,” says Helliwell. The researchers also discovered that people who are best friends with their mates experienced the largest well-being benefit. “The well-being benefits of marriage are much greater for those who also regard their spouse as their best friend,” shared Helliwell. “These benefits are on average about twice as large for people whose spouse is also their best friend.” Researchers also concluded that the happiness associated with marriage apparently flows through social channels. This may explain why the benefits of marriage remain unaltered as time marches on. It also may help to inform why a person’s partner is often referred to as a “super-friend” Intuitively, this makes sense when one considers couples often provide one another unique social support for various life-challenges. The close friendship in these types of relationships might help to explain why persons who live together but unmarried enjoy a sizeable “well-being” benefit of marriage, particularly if a partner is considered a best friend. Investigators caution that their conclusions can only be applied to other western countries where similar surveys are available. Funding for the study was made available by the Canadian Institute for Advanced Research. Source: [Journal of Happiness ](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-017-9941-3) **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** happiness, joy, Marriage, signle --- ### [Bodybuilding Nutrition and Fat: 10 FAQs](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-nutrition-and-fat-10-faqs/) **Published:** April 7, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![body building nutrition faqs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/body-building-nutrition-faqs.jpg?resize=556%2C308&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/body-building-nutrition-faqs.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Nutrition for Bodybuilding** **Nutrition for body builders** and others involved in a regular strength training program is a [topic](http://www.nrjournal.com/article/0271-5317(95)02054-3/abstract) that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves. The causal reasons are many but generally speaking, my sense is nutrition just isn’t as sexy to talk about as the bodybuilding exercises are. Plus, there is just a lot of misinformation out there about what body builders need to eat in order to pack on lean, strong muscle. ## **Bodybuilding Nutrition FAQs** This brief article will provide 10 common questions on the topic of nutrition and fat for body builders in the form of FAQs. Under each question, I have included a response. Almost all of the information you will see here comes from the scientific literature and is devoid of mumbo-jumbo that is designed to sell you a bunch of crap from the supplement industry. Some of the material below will strike you as common sense while other aspects will cause you to pause and think. Read them all so you are able to absorb their deeper meaning. Are you ready to learn more about nutrition, fat and body building? Let’s jump right in! [![10 facts nutiriton body building](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/10-facts-nutiriton-body-building.jpg?resize=439%2C329&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/10-facts-nutiriton-body-building.jpg?ssl=1)Body Building Nutrition: 10 Facts ### **Q1: Can I target a part of my body for weight loss?** **A:** The answer is – no. Spot reduction is an old gym myth that has been around gyms for decades. When you exercise a specific body part, the muscles underneath that skin will become firm. Over the course of time, this can improve the appearance in the body part you are working out (example, chest, arms). The fat that is layered on top of that muscle does not become reduced. Think about it for a moment. If you do 500 crunches each day but make no changes to your diet, you will develop fairly strong abs. The problem is they will be hidden under a bunch of body fat. ### **Q2: Are all dietary fats the same?** **A:** No. There are really only two types of body fat. One is called *essential fat* and the other is called *storage fat*. You need essential fat for your body to function normally. Here, we are talking about the immune and hormonal systems. Essential fat is in most all of your organs (heart, lungs, kidneys and liver). Women carry more of this type of fat than men. This makes sense when you consider females need this type of fat for child bearing purposes. Storage fat is pretty much what the name sounds like. This is fat that your body holds on to and accumulates as a resource for the future. Men tend to hold storage fat in the belly where women see more of this fat around the thighs and hips. Storage fat is nature’s built in mechanism for housing nutritional resources. A little body fat is perfectly normal and healthy. The problem for many people occurs when they accumulate too much storage fat. Makes sense, huh? ### **Q3: Can I “sweat away” body fat in a sauna?** **A:** Sorry but the answer is – no. You may experience dehydration in a sauna because your body is sweating out H20 but fat, at least in its chemical form, isn’t going to magically disappear because you are chillaxing in a steam room. **FYI** – the water you lose while sitting in that steam room will come right back to your body as soon as you start to rehydrate. [![Body Building Nutrition Myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?ssl=1) ### **Q4: What is dietary fiber?** **A:** Many people call dietary fiber “roughage”. Here, we are talking about things that the body cannot fully digest and passes as waste. Examples include foods like vegetables, beans, fruits and whole grain cereals. Fiber is important because it helps to lower cholesterol and assist your intestinal system to move waste products (excrement) from your body. If you are involved with body building and strength training, eating fiber is important because it helps your system to remain free of waste materials that can literally make you feel sluggish and “bound up”. Most Americans don’t get enough dietary fiber – and as a result, struggle with a host of gastro-intestinal issues such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). This problem becomes compounded if you are a [caffeine junkie](https://guycounseling.com/caffeine-body-building-benefits-risks/). ### **Q5: How many times should I eat a day?** **A:** There is not cut and dry answer to this question as many people involved in the nutrition and fitness business have different thoughts and ideas. The consensus of experts suggests 5-6 high protein, lower carb meals a day is the optimal. The keyword here is *small*. Foods with higher carbs should be consumed earlier in the day and become reduced as the day goes on. This way, your body has the opportunity to burn fuel at a steady pace and metabolize properly. Body builder and trainer, Michael Matthews, has an excellent book that explores this entire topic entitled, [*Maximum Muscle*](http://amzn.to/2AXgzIm). I highly encourage anyone who is interested in learning about the unique dietary requirements for body builders to pick up this resource as part of enhancing their knowledge on this topic. ### **Q6: What should I eat after a workout?** **A:** If you are involved with intense strength training with weights, there is a window of about 30 minutes after working out that you should try to replenish your glycogen stores. Glycogen is one of your body’s main fuel sources. At its core, glycogen is the chemical substance that stores up carbohydrates for the future. The vast majority of glycogen is retained in the muscles and in the liver. ![Body Building Nutrition Tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/afraid-to-fly.jpg?resize=507%2C380&ssl=1) ### **Q7: Will my muscle turn to fat once I stop lifting weights?** **A:** This too is an old gym myth. The answer is – no. Muscle and fat are made up of different chemical compounds. It is no more possible for your muscles to turn to fat than it is to make peanut butter turn into jelly. The reason body builders and weight lifters put on a bunch of body fat after they stop working out for an extended period of time is usually because they haven’t made any changes to their diet. In other words, they keep eating like body builders but not burning energy (aka carbs, fat) like they did when they hit the weights regularly. ### **Q8: What does the term “portion” really mean?** **A:** The definition of this term is all over the map. As a general rule, it might be helpful to think of a portion as the amount of a closed fist. Another example might be a pack of poker cards. When you hear the word portion, think *small*. Remember, portion is not the amount of food you can fit on your plate. ### **Q9: Is it OK to work out a night after heavy drinking?** **A:** The answer to this question is – *are you still drunk*? That may sound funny but when you consider the fact that it takes your body time to [metabolize alcohol](http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/alcohol,_tobacco,_&_other_drugs/alcohol/alcohol_&_your_body.php) and pass it as waste, it’s not a ridiculous thing to ask. If you were out drinking with your buddies until 2am and got totally smashed, you probably shouldn’t plan on lifting weights any time before 12-noon. Here’s the real deal about body building and alcohol. When you drink beer, wine and other alcoholic beverages on a regular basis, you slow your body down and mess up your metabolism. I’m not saying you can’t have an occasional beer or wine. I am saying that if you are drinking on a daily basis, you are making it much more difficult to have a mindful workout and realize gains. [![Excuses for not working out](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/excuses-for-not-working-out.jpg?resize=546%2C362&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/excuses-for-not-working-out.jpg?ssl=1) ### **Q10: If I work out regularly, I can eat whatever I want** **A:** The simple answer is this – if you want to build lean, hard muscle – no. While it is true that regular engagement in strength training using weights does burn more fat than doing just cardio, adding muscle to your body will require that you eat a mostly clean diet. This is particularly true for body builders. If your goal is to get a six pack, your dietary habits will need just as much focus as your workouts. Knowledge of your body type is also going to need to be factored into your total body fitness routine as part of the dynamic. This is why being aware of your [somatotype](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) is key. ### **Bodybuilding Nutrition Final Thoughts** Nutrition is an essential part of body building and strength training. If you want to grow your muscles in a meaningful way, you will need to focus on the foods you put into your body with the same intensity that you do when you are lifting. I am going to recommend another book here entitled, *Bigger, Leaner, Stronger* by Matthews. This is an excellent resource to draw upon for better understanding the unique marriage between diet and muscle building. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1938895274&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1938895274/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1938895274&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=OB2A5WMRF53ZA72E)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1938895274)I hope you found this blog post on bodybuilding nutrition and fat useful. Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture. Please Like on Facebook, Circle on Google Plus and Share on Twitter! **Categories:** Nutrition **Tags:** body building nutrition --- ### [Get Rid of Belly Fat: 5 Mindful Tips!](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-belly-fat-5-mindful-tips/) **Published:** January 1, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![Young man meditating on rock by sea](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/get-rid-of-belly-fat.jpg?resize=586%2C390&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/get-rid-of-belly-fat.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Get Rid of Belly Fat Through Mindfulness** If you are hoping to find ways to **get rid of belly fat** naturally, you aren’t alone. Most people who struggle with belly fat around the [**midsection**](http://www.metabolismjournal.com/article/0026-0495%2887%2990063-1/abstract) are eager to find efficient, drug-dree ways to lose weight and slim down. And let’s face it – getting rid of belly fat certainly helps to boost our self-esteem and level of confidence! ## **Get Rid of Belly Fat Mindfully** I have written about the construct of [**mindfulness based living** ](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/)in the past. While this is not a new construct in the field of behavioral science, it is something that is beginning to gain traction in the world strength training and conditioning. The fundamental principle of mindfulness is for you as a person to become more aware of your body and your immediate environment. When you think about it, mindfulness fits perfectly with wellness seekers, athletes and other individuals just like you because it focuses attention on the here and now. By taking this approach, you are able to let go of barriers from the past while releasing anxiety about the future. What follows are 5 mindfulness based tips for you to get rid of belly fat that you might consider for use as part of your own approach to self-care. Use what feels right and adapt to your own needs. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![get rid of belly fat mindfully](https://i0.wp.com/www.mychicagotherapist.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/number_5-300x175.jpg?resize=398%2C232)Five Mindful Tips for Losing Belly Fat **1. Become more aware of your abdominals** One of the best ways you can create change around your midsection and move about the business of getting rid of belly fat is to simply be more aware of your abdominals. I am not talking about what your abs look like. Instead, I am suggesting that you educate yourself on what the [**abdominal muscles**](https://guycounseling.com/cam-gigandet-ab-workout/) do and where they are located. You can’t effectively get rid of belly fat if you don’t know which muscles to exercise in order to make them more visible. It is for this reason that education is vital. In fact, here’s your first mindful exercise on abdominal awareness: try touching your abdominal muscles right now – what do they feel like? **2. Live in the here and now** A second mindfulness based concept I would like you to consider is to simply live in the here and now. You may be wondering how this relates to getting rid of body fat. The answer is simple. When you are not living in the here and now, you are living in either the past or the future. Both places can be sources of anxiety, which can lead to **stress eating**. By living in this moment – as in this very second in time – you can focus your attention on wellness based activities that promote [**stronger**](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/) muscles and the loss of belly fat. It’s that simple. **3. Stop the excuses** Most people who have tried to get rid of belly fat in the past and pack on new muscle have fallen victim to their own **excuses**. While some of these reasons are legitimate (at times) they are not a permission slip to blow off physical activity in perpetuity. If you really want to get rid of belly fat, you are going to need to stop engaging in [**learned helplessness**](http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/xge/105/1/3/). Mindfulness based approaches require that we become brutally honest with ourselves and confront the barriers we have created on our own path to wellness. **4. Know your body type** This may seem like a silly point but it is more important than you might think. All of us have different physiques. Some of us are tall and some of us are short. You may have a genetically predispositioned physique that allows you to lose or gain weight without much effort. On the flipside, you may also have the type of body that struggles to get rid of body fat or add new muscle. Knowing your specific [**somatotype**](https://guycounseling.com/moisturizer-men-options/) (body type) is a critical element with helping you create effective workout plans. Learn everything you can about your body, including its strengths and weaknesses. **5.  Study the success of others** A final mindful way of getting rid of belly fat is to simply study the success of others. What did this person do to help them shed flab from their midsection? What are some of the approaches they took that you might borrow from on your own quest to getting rid of flab? Many **celebrities** use mindfulness based approaches that help them to look slimmer, younger and healthier. Make sure you do your research well and extract at least one thing from that person that you can use as a personal take-away. [![get rid of belly fat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/bellyfat.jpg?resize=523%2C352&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/bellyfat.jpg?ssl=1) **Final Thoughts** To keep it real, I recognize losing belly fast isn’t easy. This is why I am suggesting mindfulness as an approach to consider as part of a comprehensive approach to weight loss. There is a very helpful book I would like to recommend entitled: [***Belly Fat Effect***](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991070313/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0991070313&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=T662JCPBQBPIRK6K) by Mike Mutzel. Inside, he gives you lots of science based information on how your body stores belly fat and the changes you can make to lose it. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0991070313&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991070313/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0991070313&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=3HOZAEU27BCIQHWJ)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0991070313)I commend you for taking the time to learn more about natural ways to get rid of belly fat through mindfulness based living. I think you will find that this particular approach is useful in other areas of life, including stress management. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** belly fat --- ### [A Closer Look at Scott Eastwood](https://guycounseling.com/scott-eastwood-height-girlfriends-workout-routine-skincare/) **Published:** December 26, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![scott eastwood](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/scott-eastwood-1.jpg?resize=600%2C336&ssl=1)** ## **Scott Eastwood Facts** **Scott Eastwood** has been gaining lots of attention in recent days. Son of the famous Clint Eastwood, Scott “Clinton” Eastwood is making his debut as a main character in the soon to be released movie, *[The Longest Ride](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2726560/)*. In this film, he will be playing the part of a rugged but sensitive cowboy who puts himself at physical risk during competitions. While there’s plenty on the Internet about the movie’s plot, little information exists about the man who plays the role of *Luke Collins*. Given the focus of this website, I will explore the physical characteristics of Scott Eastwood and give details about what this actor likely does to stay muscular and fit. Along the way, I will also provide some background on Eastwood’s life story, which may help to inform how we experience this rising star in the here and now. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! He was born Scott Clinton Reeves but later changed his surname to Eastwood once he began his acting career in earnest. Scott was born in sunny Monterey, California but spent much of his time as a youngster growing up in Hawaii. You may have seen Scott Eastwood before on television or in magazines. The actor already has a number of credits under, including an appearance in the movie, *[Flags of Our Father](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IQ3YC9I/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00IQ3YC9I&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=FP3BXMCDJVLSMIN6%22%3eFlags%20of%20Our%20Fathers%3c/a%3e%3cimg%20src=%22http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00IQ3YC9I)*, staring his father, Mr. Clint Eastwood. Scott has also had parts in *Gran Torino*, *Chicago Fire* and *Chicago PD*. On the print magazine front, he’s been featured in [Town and Country](http://www.townandcountrymag.com/style/mens-fashion/g363/scott-eastwood/?slide=1) plus [GQ](http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style/articles/2014-11/12/scott-eastwood-fury-interview-hugo-boss-shoot) (British edition). With his new movie set to come out in 2015, many people have naturally become curious about the actor’s background. For guys who hit the gym regularly, Scott Eastwood’s workouts are of particular interest. Women of course want to know if he’s married – or – who he is dating. I’ve studied this celebrity in the making and can share with you some observations that may help to provide context to how we experience him in the here and now. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/SykmngaBPMM2Q/giphy.gif?resize=415%2C271&ssl=1) ## **Scott Eastwood Vitals:** **Born:** March 21, 1986 **Place of Birth:** Monterey, CA **Sign:** Aries **Height:** 5’11 **Weight:** 160-170 lBS **Eyes:** [Aqua Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) **Body Type:** [Mesomorph](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) ## **Scott Eastwood Dating** Information about Scott Eastwood’s romantic life remains elusive. The public record suggests that he was in a relationship with singer and actress, Jena Kramer and then later involved with Brittany Brousseau. In the case of Brousseau, the two are rumored to have broken up in the fall of 2014. ## **![scott eastwood](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/scott-eastwood-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Scott Eastwood Personality** Scott Eastwood appears to have a friendly, laid back and outgoing personality. Going by the interviews, he also appears to be a fairly private man. He may be guarding the details of his personal life because he realizes that as the son of Clint Eastwood, anything he does it going to make news. That is grew up in Hawaii – away from the harsh, intrusive lights of Hollywood – suggests that he understands that value of privacy. What we do know, based on the interviews, is that Scott is a big time outdoors person who is particularly fond of the ocean. Given his family background and the fame of his pops, he may be attracted to clear, blue waters because of an understandable desire to be open and free – away from the shadow of his father’s fame. His super blue eyes match the Pacific Ocean he is so very much attached to. In many ways, Scott Eastwood has a similar look to mega-watt celebrity, [Chris Pine](https://guycounseling.com/chris-pine-girlfriend-height-workout-body-type/) but has the gentle personality of now deceased, Paul Walker. Walker, who died in November of 2013, was a notoriously private person who was also born in California but spent a lot of time in Hawaii. ## **Scott Eastwood Physical Characteristics** Scott Eastwood stands at 5’11 and appears to weight somewhere between 160-170 lbs. He is well built with a chiseled physique. He has brownish-red hair that takes on golden hews, depending upon the lighting. In many ways, his physical appearance resembles that of his father, Clint Eastwood. ## **Scott Eastwood Body Type** Scott Eastwood is your classic mesomorph body type. Generally speaking, mesomorphs typically have a medium build and height. People who are classified as mesomorphs can gain and lose weight easily but may struggle to pack on muscle. Other stars that are considered to be in the mesomorph spectrum include **Chris Pine**, [Cam Gigandet](https://guycounseling.com/cam-gigandet-ab-workout/), [Nick Zano](https://guycounseling.com/nick-zano-facts-age-height-workout-routine/) and Alex O’Loughlin. ![Scott Eastwood ](https://i0.wp.com/m1.paperblog.com/i/171/1717097/scott-eastwood-saga-continua-L-RUxeYq.jpeg?resize=400%2C618)Credit: Paperblog ## **Scott Eastwood Workout** Given Scott Eastwood’s body type, coupled with photographic evidence and interviews given by the actor, we can draw some conclusions about his possible workout routine. Keep in mind that Scott is physically active and likes to be [outdoors](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2740896/My-dad-didnt-care-I-plumber-actor-Clint-Eastwoods-heart-throb-son-Scott-reveals-stars-humbling-career-advice.html). His hobbies include skiing, fishing, surfing, golfing and swimming. These aerobic activities help to give the man the cut physique he currently enjoys – which is something all mesomorphs should keep in mind as a natural way to build muscle. His workouts likely include: - Upper body workouts - Lower body workouts - Specific [arm](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/) exercises - Running/Jogging - Plyometrics Not much is currently known about Scott Eastwood’s diet but the photographic evidence suggests that the actor eats a “guy’s diet” – meaning he isn’t too particular about what he puts into his mouth. This however, doesn’t seem to be causing problems with his physique He was part owner of a bar in San Diego and put himself through college mixing drinks at various locations. Alcohol of course can negatively impact body weight and make it more difficult to add muscle. Again – this doesn’t seem to be a problem for Scott. Bear in mind, most mesomorphs are able to eat what they want because of a naturally high metabolism. If Scott Eastwood is combining resistance training and cardio into his daily routine (safe bet to say he is) then he will continue to have the impressive physique you currently see. As he gets older, he will want to avoid falling into the trap of [blowing off](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/) workouts. Otherwise, he will find it difficult to maintain muscle mass. ![Scott Eastwood face](https://i0.wp.com/www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Scott%20Eastwood%20Stars%20Vanity%20Fair%20Oscar%20Party%20ZHtvas8d69Xl.jpg?resize=442%2C594)Credit: Zimbio ## **Scott Eastwood Grooming** Chances are that Scott Eastwood doesn’t need to do a lot at this point in his life to maintain his fresh, youthful appearance. When you look closely at his face however, you will notice several heavy creases and lines around the eyes and mouth (similar to his father). Some of this cannot be helped and is a function of genetics. I am going to walk you through his likely skin and hair-care routine for those of you who might be interested in copying what he might be doing for inclusion in your own **self-care** routine. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B000GDJDPE&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000GDJDPE/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000GDJDPE&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=0f29f9665d754a7094b439468846b65b)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B000GDJDPE)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000GDJDPE) **Face Wash and Moisturizer** I strongly suspect that Scott Eastwood uses simple, over the counter products to wash and moisturize his face. Examples include Jack Black Pure Clean Facial Cleanser ([Amazon](http://amzn.to/2iuFNm0)) and Double Duty Face Moisturizer with a SPF 20 ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2B3H5Mr)). Because this actor is fond of the outdoors and loves being by the water, he likely uses a non-greasy sunblock when exposed to the sun’s harmful rays for an extended period of time.  **Hair** Scott Eastwood is now in his 30’s. He currently has a full, flowing head of hair that is thick and somewhat wavy. This, however, will change as he ages (as for all men). Based on photographs, he appears to have been passed on the dominant genes of his father. This means that as time goes on, he will likely lose hair in the forehead area and perhaps anterior of the head. Starting right now, he should consider using something like Finasteride and perhaps Minoxidile ([See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2yXMeEy)) to minimize the effects of male pattern baldness. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B003MJFHCC&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003MJFHCC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B003MJFHCC&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=JY56RPFKEZ42FGJI)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B003MJFHCC)**Shampoo and Conditioner** Given Scott Eastwood’s laid back personality, I suspect he doesn’t fuss a great deal over his hair unless he is taking part in an acting role. He likely has a simple hair care routine and uses products like Redken Clean Spice, 2 in 1 Conditioning Shampoo ([Check price on Amazon](http://amzn.to/2yXGdaN)). He may, however, want to consider a product in the future like Redken’s Intra Force shampoo for naturally thinning hair, coupled with a conditioner that is lightweight and non-oil stripping, like Jack Black’s True Volume Revitalizing Conditioner**.** ## **Summary** Scott Eastwood appears to have a very bright future ahead. He is a talented actor who has a wide range. In terms of muscular strength and development, Scott really just needs to keep doing what he is doing. He is not overbuilt and has “the look” that many guys want to achieve. The best part about this actor’s appearance is that it is natural. I hope you found the information on Scott Eastwood useful! **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Guy Files **Tags:** Facts, Scott Eastwood --- ### [How to Build a Fire for Camping, Cooking and Survival!](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) **Published:** April 1, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![build a fire skills 101](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/build-a-fire.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Build a fire for camping, cooking, survival and more! Man and [fire](http://www.jstor.org/stable/40341327) are inseparable. And although we no longer depend on wood fires for our cooking and warmth, knowing how to build a campfire is one of the most timeless and fundamental skills we can possess. But beyond a fire’s utility, the simple act of gathering and arranging wood to be set ablaze is immensely satisfying unto itself. In this article, you’ll learn everything you need to know about building effective campfires including the supplies and materials needed, how to select a fire site, and the basic fire-building procedure. Then, I’ll show you how to modify a campfire for specific purposes including cooking, staying warm in the woods, and survival. I promise, you don’t need to a be a [big time lumbersexual](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/) to do this. Check it out: Check it out: | Item | Purpose | |---|---| | Tinder | Captures initial spark | | Kindling | Transfers flame from tinder to wood | | Fuel Wood | Keeps fire going | | Matches | Lights fire in any situation.[Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2nulLZf) | | Lighter | Optional. Makes fire starting quicker. | | Flint and Steel | Great if you don't have lighter. Old school approach | ## **Campfire Supply List** Let’s start with the core ingredients of any good campfire: tinder, kindling, and fuel wood. ## **Tinder, Kindling, and Fuel Wood** Whether you’re deep in the woods or just hanging out by the river for the day, if you can rummage up these three materials you’ll be well on your way to a roaring fire. ## **Tinder** In the fire-making process, the role of tinder is to capture the initial spark or flame you generate in order to spread it to the rest of the wood. There are many different materials suitable for tinder — wood shavings, dry grass, dry leaves, dead moss, newspaper, toilet paper, or even drier lint among others. No matter what you have on hand, the most important thing to remember when gathering tinder is this: **The drier the better.** Wet tinder is extremely difficult to light and certain to lead to frustration and possibly a fireless night. So, if you’re planning a trip to a damp area or see rain in the forecast, be sure to bring plenty of dry tinder with you. ## **Kindling** The role of kindling is to catch the flame coming off the tinder and transfer it to the larger pieces of fuel wood. Ideal kindling includes twigs and small branches that are dead and very dry. Try to collect a range of kindling sizes from twigs with a diameter smaller than a no. 2 pencil to sticks roughly the diameter of your middle finger. Dry strips of bark can also make great kindling. Whatever you do, avoid taking your kindling from live trees. Green branches are often very moist and difficult to ignite. ![firewood for camp fires ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/campfire1.jpg?resize=563%2C375&ssl=1)Try to use dry logs that are 5-6 inches in diameter for camp fires ## **Fuel Wood** While tinder and kindling are only used when starting your campfire, fuel wood is what keeps the fire going into the night. The size of your fuel wood is the most important factor to consider. It can be significantly larger than your kindling, but not so large that it struggles to catch flame from the kindling. For most campfires, dead, dry logs no larger than 5 or 6 inches in diameter make great fuel wood. ## **Tools for Ignition** Of course, if you want to embrace your primitive side, you can light a fire with nothing more than your bare hands, a stick, and a healthy dose of gumption. But for our purposes, more modern implements of ignition are completely acceptable. The specific tool you use to ignite your fire isn’t important as long as it can deliver a spark or flame to your tinder reliably and with relative ease. Here are three of the best options: ## **Matches** Matches that are [waterproof and windproof](http://amzn.to/2nulLZf) should be on your person whenever you trek into the woods. These are by far the most reliable tools to get a fire started quickly and efficiently. Just be sure the matches you buy are of the “strike anywhere” variety. ## **Lighter** Nothing fancy needed here. A simple disposable gas station lighter will do. For added peace of mind, keep one lighter in your pocket and an extra in your backpack. ## **Flint and Steel** For extended trips into the backcountry, it’s a good idea to bring along a [flint and steel](http://amzn.to/2ou5GUi). This time-tested combination generates a shower of sparks when struck together, and generally, works even when wet. Plus, a flint and steel will last way longer than a box of matches or a lighter. ## **Other Supplies** With your combustibles and tool for ignition compiled, your campfire is only a few steps away. However, there are a few other items you should have with you when building a campfire. ## **Bucket of Water** As a safety measure, keep a bucket of water within arms reach of your campfire. That way, if it gets out of hand you can easily douse it and keep it contained. When you’re ready to turn in for the night, you’ll use the water to put the fire out completely. More on that later. ## **Ax or Hatchet** While not necessary, a sharp ax or hatchet can make the wood gathering process much easier. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/cinemagraph-glow-campfire-uowkNiRyP0OkM) ## **Basic Campfire Building Procedure** As you’ll discover, once you get the tinder, kindling, and fuel wood in right arrangement and deliver a spark to the perfect spot, the fire happens almost automatically. But before any wood is stacked or flames sparked, a proper site must be staked out. ## **Choosing a Site for Your Campfire** Safety is key when selecting a site for your campfire. If you’re camping in an area with designated fire pits, use them. If you’re in the backcountry or in an undesignated area, you’ll most likely have to create your own fire site. Choose a location that’s far away from anything flammable — bushes, trees, and vehicles. Once you have a suitable location, it’s time to create a fire bed. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/photography-fire-camping-10wcMlFmW4DjwI) ## **Creating a Fire Bed** A fire bed is nothing more than the ground on which you build your fire. And it should be exactly that — earthen ground, not vegetation of any kind. If you can’t find a vegetation-free spot you’ll need to clear one yourself. A shovel can be helpful in this instance, but several stiff kicks of your boot should do the trick. Ideally, your fire bed should also be even. If it’s rocky or pivoted, add extra dirt to the bed to even it out. As a final touch, place large stones around the perimeter of the fire bed. This provides a barrier against the wind to keep the coals and embers from escaping. ![how to start a fire](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/wood.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Build a Teepee Fire ## **Building a Teepee Fire** Perhaps the most effective campfire arrangement is the classic teepee. It can be used to build fires of all sizes from a tiny cooking fire for boiling a quick cup of coffee to a raging bonfire. Here’s how it’s done: 1. Place your tinder in the center of the fire bed. Use plenty and keep it compact. 2. Place kindling around the tinder to form a teepee shape. Start with your smallest kindling sticks and gradually build up to larger pieces. Don’t cover the tinder completely; keep a small space open for ignition. 3. Arrange several pieces of fuel wood in a teepee formation on top of the kindling. 4. Light the tinder with your matches, lighter, or flint and steel. The tinder should catch flame immediately and slowly start spreading to the kindling. If the tinder isn’t igniting, gently blow on the embers to stoke the flame. 5. If all goes well, the kindling will catch flame and in turn ignite the fuel wood. As the flames increase, the teepee will eventually collapse at which point you can use a sturdy stick to consolidate the burning wood in the center of the fire bed. Add more fuel wood as needed. ## Building the Perfect Campfire for Any Situation Now that we’ve covered the materials and basic procedure for building a campfire, let’s take a look at some ways to adapt a fire for specific uses. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/campfire-cooking-2.jpg?resize=563%2C375&ssl=1)Campfire cooking tips ## **Campfires for Cooking** Don’t be surprised if the meals you prepare over an open fire are the most delicious and memorable of your life. Fire adds a rich, smoky quality to food that’s hard to replicate in the kitchen. Tip: If you are a [bass fisherman](https://guycounseling.com/bass-fishing-tips/), cooking these types over open flame can help to remove some of the “fishy” taste. To get you started, here are two quick ways to build a campfire for cooking: ## **Campfire for Quick Meals** If you only need to heat up a can of chili or boil a pot of coffee, start out by building a teepee fire just like we covered. The main difference here is that instead of adding large pieces of fuel wood, use only small kindling twigs. Light the tinder and when the twigs catch fire, add more to keep the flame going. Once you have a decent bed of coals, place your pot directly on the fire. To keep the fire going, continue adding twigs around the outside of the pot. This small but mighty fire is nimble enough to make quick temperature adjustments and only takes a few minutes to fully extinguish. ## **Campfire for Large Meals** When you want to cook one or more full pots of food, here’s an easy modification you can make to the basic teepee fire… Start by building a medium to large teepee fire with plenty of fuel wood. Let it burn down enough so that the large pieces of wood are fully burned and glowing. Now here’s the trick… After you consolidate, take two large logs — ideally green or wet — and place them on opposite sides of the fire. The logs should be close enough to hold your pot so that it’s positioned over the fire. Voila! A backwoods kitchen range. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/fire-gif-campfire-EtPBBDFfCFKlW) ## **Campfires for Warmth** Whether you’re fending for your life or just enjoying some time [backpacking in the woods](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/), staying warm is incredibly important. Here’s a relatively simple modification to make to the basic teepee fire that will keep you nice and toasty… ## **Building a Reflection Wall Fire** Campfires on their own generate plenty of heat, but the problem is that it disperses in all directions. This technique solves that problem by reflecting the heat of the fire back to you using a wall — just like a fireplace. There are two main ways to build a reflection wall fire: you can use an existing wall like a cliff or cut bank, or you can build your own wall with logs. If you can find a suitable cliff or wall, simply build your fire directly in front of the cliff and sit facing it. Much of the fire’s heat that would normally dissipate will be directed straight toward you. If you can’t find a natural wall, it’s time build your own. Before you build your teepee fire, find two sturdy poles — skinny lodgepole pines work great — and drive them into the ground at a slight angle away from your fire bed. Next, gather several logs and stack them up against the poles to form a makeshift wall. Try to use wet logs if possible so they won’t burn. Build your fire and sit facing the wall you just built. Instant fireplace! ![survival fire for wilderness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/wilderness-survival-fire.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)Building a survival fire ## **Campfires for Survival** The campfire methods I’ve outlined for cooking and keeping warm are relatively specific. But when you find yourself in a [survival situation](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/), you might not have the luxury of building a specialized fire for your needs. While these methods can still be used, a campfire for survival often times must serve many purposes simultaneously. Here are a few ways you might utilize a campfire when surviving the elements: - **Protection against wild animals.** If you find yourself in bear or wolf country, you’ll need to really [focus on situational awareness](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/). This means building something that provides plenty of light so that you can see. Even the largest predators typically want nothing to do with humans, and fires and humans go hand and hand. Also, maintaining a fire will keep smaller critters away like raccoons, possums, and snakes. - **Beacon or signal fires.** Unless you plan on staying in the woods and living off the land, your goal is to get found as soon as possible. Keeping a fire going will help search crews find you that much quicker. - **Drying clothes.** Hypothermia is no joke. If you get wet, fall in a river, or get stuck in the rain make every effort to get dry and warm fast. Build a large one and huddle close. Use sticks to hang your clothes and shoes to speed up the drying process. ## **Extinguishing Your Campfire** After you’ve enjoyed the warmth of a campfire you built with your own hands and used its heat to cook a tasty meal, it’s time to extinguish. You’ll need a bucket of water and a sturdy stick. Here’s the process: 1. Start sprinkling water onto the fire — don’t dump the water. Use just enough water to extinguish the fire but not so much that you flood the fire pit. Flooding a fire pit is unnecessary and will only make starting your next fire more difficult. 2. As you sprinkle water, use a stick to stir the coals. Stirring helps water cover every part of the fire to put it out thoroughly. 3. Hover your hand over the coals to feel for heat. If you feel any heat whatsoever, you need to continue sprinkling water and stirring. Only when the bed of coals is completely cool to the touch is the fire extinguished. Now that you know how to build a campfire for any situation, go ahead — head off into the woods. And if you can’t escape the city, set up in your backyard and stoke some logs just for the heck of it. I hope you found this post useful! **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Backpack, Campfire, Camping, Cooking, Fire, Situational Awareness, Skills, Surivival, Woods --- ### [What To Do When You Feel Ignored By Your Partner](https://guycounseling.com/feel-ignored-partner/) **Published:** December 2, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![unhappy couple bed](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/ignored-by-partner-unhappy-couple-bed.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Ignored by your partner? Here’s 5 steps to consider Do you feel ignored by your partner? Does it seem like your mate emotionally and/or physically neglects you? Has this experience made you question the strength of your relationship? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. A common reason couples seek out therapy is because of this very issue. When you feel ignored, particularly if it has been going on for a while, it has a way of discoloring the entire relationship. As time goes on, this can lead to: - Problems with self-esteem - Questions about fidelity - Irrational thinking - A sexless relationship - Relational collapse Does any of this sound familiar? If so, can anything really be done to create positive change? The answer is *maybe*. Because each couple is different, there’s no way of guaranteeing anything. That said, there are five things you can do that may be helpful. Before continuing, it’s important to not make assumptions about why the neglect is happening. Instead, I want you to focus on the **what**. *What can be changed?* As you review the material below, I encourage you to do so with an open heart. Visualize leaving the hurt you feel at the doorstep – if just momentarily. In this way, you can approach the situation with a fresh perspective. Check it out. ## 1. What are the behaviors? Before anything can happen, it’s critical to assess exactly what is happening. Does your mate avoid real dialogue? Does the person minimally touch you? Is it a combination of both? **More:** [What to do if your partner never initiates](https://guycounseling.com/girlfriend-never-initiates/) The reason you want to identify your feelings is for one simple reason – to have a clear picture of *what* is going on. Whatever the case, jot them all down. Doing so will help with what comes next. ## 2. What is causing your feelings? If change is to take place, you’ll need to link the material you have recorded above with your emotions. In other words, how does the behavior of your mate influence your feelings? For example, does the lack of touch make you feel unattractive? Does the lack of interest in your life make you feel unwanted? Are you giving affection and finding it goes unreciprocated? The more concrete you can be with your feelings, the better. ## 3. Assess your own stuff This step is important and shouldn’t be blown off. If the possibility of change is to happen, you must look at other life factors that may be impacting the intensity of your feelings. Examples include a recent loss, depression, anxiety, or changes in medication. I’m suggesting this step as a precursor to any conversation with your mate so that you can talk about what’s going on from a rational place. This is not to say what you are feeling isn’t real. Instead, the suggestion is being offered as a way of offering rational thinking to a dynamic that can often seem irrational. Make sense? ## 4. Talk with your mate This one is hard. That said, now that you have completed the steps above, you’ll be in a stronger place. You’ll also be able to: - Talk without getting defensive - Explore without blaming - Avoid attention-getting behaviors - Make demands that aren’t realistic - Inquire as opposed to accusing - Listen with an open heart It is entirely possible your partner may be unaware of how their lack of affection or attention (or both) may be impacting you. It’s also possible you don’t know what may be happening with your partner. For example, are they under stress you didn’t know about? Is your partner deeply depressed but too embarrassed to admit? Are they struggling with body image issues, causing them to feel “ugly”? Finally, under this point, your mate may share things you have been doing (or not doing) that feed into the problem. Be open to listening. **By jointly owning the issue, the chances of creating positive change are much stronger.** Doing so also ends the pattern of silence and opens a pathway for dialogue. ## 5. Create a plan for change After having the discussion (which may need revisiting), it’s time to put words into action. I am the first to admit this is easier said than done. **More:** [What men really want to hear in relationships](https://guycounseling.com/compliments-men-examples/) However, if the both of you want to transform the current dynamic, it’s important that both of you mindfully engage in activities designed to grow your connection. Examples: - Set aside time each week for “check-ins” to explore what’s happening. - If need be, plan sexy time. Even if it doesn’t feel organic, it re-establishes a physical connection. - Planning dates outside of the home and away from mobile phones, tablets and children. - Create goals together and revisit progress regularly You can customize the points under this step to meet both of your needs. The key thing to realize is that purposeful dialogue, empowered by love, is essential to healing the rift. ## Summary It may be that none of the steps described above will work for your situation. This point is particularly true if cheating has been going on. But if you are tired of feeling ignored, you owe it to yourself to at least try. If you need a resource to help you with some of what’s been described above, I encourage you to pick up a copy of The Five Languages of Love by Chapman ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2iFi71N)). Lastly, it’s possible that you’ll need to draw upon the expertise of a couple’s therapist to get to the heart of the matter. And that’s OK. You’ll at least have a starting point in which to begin counseling. Thanks for taking the time to read. If you liked this post, please [follow on Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/menscultureblog/). **Categories:** Relationships **Tags:** Ignored, Relationships, What To Do --- ### [10 Life Saving Tips For Preventing a Bear Attack](https://guycounseling.com/bear-attack-prevent/) **Published:** November 9, 2017 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![brown bear attack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/brown-bear-attack.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Bear attack prevention Bears in the wild typically want nothing to do with humans. They’ll act aggressively if threatened, but as long as you give them plenty of space and make your presence known, most bears will either keep on eating or turn and run the other way. But with that said, it would be utterly foolish to venture into bear country unprepared. Let’s not forget that bear attacks do happen every year. However, if you take the right precautions and keep your wits about you your chances of getting tangled up with a bear go way down. ## 1. Do Your Homework and Know What You’re Getting Into If you’re planning a trip into the backcountry anywhere in North America, there are two types of bears you might encounter: black bears and brown bears. If you’re far up north in the Arctic, you may run into polar bears but most of us won’t have to worry about that. **More:** [Wilderness survival hacks](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/) Black bears are the most abundant and widely distributed, extending from Alaska and Canada, down through the lower 48 all the way to Florida. Brown bears, on the other hand, are found mostly along the coasts and interior mountains of Alaska and Canada, with mountain grizzly populations found further south into the Rocky Mountains of the lower 48. So how do you find out which types of bears will be in the area you plan on visiting? Easy, call your local wildlife biologist. Just about all the public lands in the U.S. — national forests and parks, state forests and parks, BLM land, etc. — have dedicated federally-employed wildlife biologists who keep a close watch on fish and game populations on those lands. The best part is, these biologists can be contacted to answer questions and provide information about the area you’d like to visit. To start tracking down a biologist for a specific area, visit the [U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service](https://www.fws.gov/offices/index.html). When you do find who you’re looking for, ask them questions like: - Are there actually bears in the area? - If so, how many? What’s the population density? - What kind of bears are there? Black bears, grizzlies, polar bears? - What areas, trails, or terrain types in the area are known for higher bear activity? A biologist who studies the wildlife in an area you plan on visiting will be able to answer these questions and will likely give you other helpful information that will benefit other aspects of your trip. If you can’t get a hold of the biologist for that area, try to contact a forest ranger or other authority who oversees the area. The more information you can get about the bears in the area, the better you can prepare and the smoother your trip will go. ## 2. Carry Protection While firearms can be used for  defense, it’s widely agreed that bear spray — a very potent form of pepper spray — is more effective in deterring bear attacks than any other method. Even if you are carrying a rifle or sidearm while hunting, bear spray should still be your primary bear defense. What’s most important about using spray in bear country is that you keep it on you and readily accessible at all times. And not just tucked in your backpack. Most bear spray cans can be clipped to a belt, but a better option is to have it on your chest in a harness, like the one made by Counter Assault. This position gives you the quickest access to draw fast and take action when it counts. ## 3. Camp Clean and Hang Your Food Bears are constantly on the move and are always feeding. They use their remarkable sense of smell to guide them to food, and since bears are highly opportunistic omnivores, just about everything’s on the menu. That includes human food. Make sure every speck of food and trash gets sealed up in a bag no matter what. At night, all your food needs to be hung up in a tree, well away from your camp and out of reach of any bears. ## 4. No Food in Your Tent! To further reduce the risk of drawing in nearby bears with food smells, it needs to be a hard-and-fast rule that no food is to be had [inside your tent](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/). When you’re tucked into your 0-degree down sleeping bag, snoozing away the day’s hiking pains, getting woken up by a snack-seeking monster is the last thing you want. ## 5. When Possible, Travel in a Group The more prominent your presence is in the woods, the less likely a bear is to mess with you. But unless you’re yelling your head off all day, it’s difficult to uphold a threatening presence as a solo hiker. So if you know the trail you’re hiking goes through land that’s thick with bears, it’s probably best you bring along a buddy or two. Not only will a group of people create a more imposing presence, all those extra eyes and ears provide considerably more awareness to detect the initial signs of a bear encounter. Plus, if you do run into trouble, having partners with you who can help can quite literally save the day. ## 6. Make Lots of Noise You don’t want to surprise a bear. Bears get threatened very easily and if provoked, will lash out at whatever they perceive to be the source of the threat. What you do want is for any bears in the area to hear you coming and scamper off before you get close. But sometimes the normal hiking sounds you make — the sound of your footsteps, your breath, your jacket brushing against trees — aren’t enough to fully let a bear know you’re coming. That’s when it’s necessary to make extra noise. **More:** [How to avoid a wolf attack](https://guycounseling.com/wolf-attack/) The standard protocol for noise making in bear country is to yell out a loud, confident “Heeeey bear!” every so often. If you’re moving through thick brush or anywhere with limited visibility, increase the volume and frequency of your calls to ensure you’re heard. You may also consider carrying an air horn, just make sure it’ll last the entire duration of your trip. ## 7. Freeze, Assess, and Stay Calm We’ve talked about things you can do to avoid a bear encounter completely. But what happens when you actually run into a big bruin or sow? Let’s say you’re walking down a trail and all of a sudden you see a black bear walk out onto the trail about 100 yards ahead. What do you do? First, you need to freeze. Stop walking, stand still, and stay quiet. Next, assess the situation. Did the bear see you? Is it on the move, eating, or running away from something? What’s the wind doing and has the he smelled you yet? While you’re trying to figure out if the bear saw you and what direction it’s traveling, try to stay as calm as possible. If the he didn’t see you, stay where you are and wait it out until the bear moves through the area and you feel it’s safe to continue. However, if the bear does know you’re there, some behavioral clues will help you figure out your next move. ![bear attack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/bear-attack1.jpg?resize=500%2C381&ssl=1)Learn to read bears body language ## 8. Read the Bear When a bear feels threatened, it typically displays a range of warning behaviors as if to say, “I know you’re there, I feel threatened by you, come any closer and you’ll force me to attack.” Whether you’re in range of a black bear or grizzly, here are some behaviors to watch for: - **Standing on hind legs sniffing the air** — When a bear notices you, it may stand up on its hind legs to get a better look while using its nose to figure out what you are. - **Pawing the ground or swatting** — A warning sign to say “I’m a bad mo’ fo’, stay back!” - **Snapping teeth** — Bears will slam their jaws closed to make intimidating teeth clacking sounds. Another warning and expression of the bear’s fear. - **Snorting, woofing, huffing, and other vocalizations** — Bears make lots of different sounds with their mouths which they use not only to communicate with other bears but express discontent. - **False charge** — If a bear reaches the end of its tolerance, it may rush up quickly and stop abruptly right in front of you. This is known as a false or bluff charge, and although it’s scary, full-on attacks don’t typically follow false charges. Black bears do occasionally false charge, but you’re much more likely to experience this aggressive behavior with brown bears. ## 9. Use Your Protection If you encounter a bear and it displays any of the warning signs above, your bear spray should be in hand and ready to discharge. Here’s the basic procedure to follow when it’s time to put your bear deterrent to use: - Draw your bear spray. - Remove the safety clip. - Hold the can with both hands and extend your arms in front of you, aiming the can at the bear. - When the bear gets approximately 25 to 30 feet away from you, press the trigger making several 2 to 3-second sprays. You’ll need to aim above the bear’s head to account for gravity pulling the spray down as it flies toward its target. If there’s any wind, you’ll have to aim either to the right or left to compensate. - If the bear continues to come closer, continue spraying in short bursts, and if it gets too close, give it a long blast right in the face. If your bear spray hits its mark, that bear will hopefully spin and run off in pain. ## ![bear attack prevention surivival](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/forest-bridge.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)10. Fight Back or Play Dead If the bear spray doesn’t stop the animal from advancing, it’s time for drastic measures. If you’re in a scuffle with a black bear, it’s widely held that it’s best to fight back. Use any weapons you can grab — rocks, sticks, trekking poles — and aim for the eyes and face. If it’s a brown bear, however, playing dead is thought to be the best strategy. As soon as you come into contact with the bear, hit the ground and assume the fetal position with your hands clasped behind your neck. When the bear leaves, stay down for as long as you can stand in case the beast is hanging around looking for more trouble. ## Don’t Let the Presence of Bears Scare You Off Bears are a natural part of the landscape and a healthy part of the ecosystem. Can they be dangerous? Yes, of course. But should you let the possibility of a bear encounter keep you out of some patch of amazing backcountry wilderness? Absolutely not. Use the tips and strategies in this article to stay bear-safe and admire these powerful creatures from a distance. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Bear, Survival, Woods --- ### [10 Blue Crab Hacks Worth Knowing!](https://guycounseling.com/blue-crab-hacks/) **Published:** October 15, 2017 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![blue crab hacks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/blue-crab-hacks.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Blue crab tips made simple Blue crabs are found in huge numbers throughout the Gulf of Mexico and up the Atlantic coast. Most states have high daily limits, and if you know where to go and how to catch them, you can easily harvest enough [blue crabs](http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/umrsmas/bullmar/1982/00000032/00000004/art00001) to have an epic boil for you and your fellow seafood lovers. While catching blue crabs is one of the easiest fishing pursuits around and requires minimal gear — no tricked-out fishing boat needed — there are a handful of hacks that will help you drum up a limit of crabs in no time. In this article, we fill you in on everything you need to know to get started. ## 1. Focus On Close-to-Home Waters Unlike West Coast crab species like Dungeness which mostly stay in deep, cold water, blue crabs like to hang out in shallow water close to shore. Muddy-bottomed bays, harbors, and estuaries are prime habitats for blue crabs, which is good news for the casual crabber since these locales are close to shore and accessible on foot. **More:** [10 simple bass fishing tips](https://guycounseling.com/bass-fishing-tips/) While you might be tempted to travel to find a great crabbing spot, consider sticking to close-to-home waters that you can crab more frequently. The more you visit a spot, the better you’ll learn its unique qualities and where to find the crabs on any given day. ## 2. Follow the Clams for Crab Spot Clues If you aren’t sure where to start looking for blue crabs, here’s a huge hack that will save you tons of time: Visit your local fish and game department website to find out where the best beaches are for clamming. What do clams and crabs have in common? The need for high-quality water. Since shellfish are highly susceptible to water contamination, popular shellfish beaches are generally monitored very closely by fish and game department biologists for water quality. And if the water quality is good enough for clams, there’s a good chance it’s good enough for crabs. ## 3. Cash In On Nocturnal Activity Blue crabs are most active at night. You’ll occasionally see them out and about during the day but those crabs are the exception, not the rule. So if you want to turn up big numbers and have the best chance at limiting out, it’s best to wait until the sun goes down to start crabbing. Some states, however, don’t allow night time crabbing, so be sure to check your local regulations before heading out. ## 4. How to Catch Crabs Combat Style Later, we’ll get into how to catch crabs with pots and traps, but by far the best and most exciting way to catch blues is to get up close and personal with your quarry. We’re talking about the hunt-and-peck method of catching crabs, or what we like to call “combat crabbing.” Hunt-and-peck crabbing involves wading through shallow tidal zones at night with a high powered flashlight to spot the crabs and then scoop them up with a net. In terms of catching dinner, it doesn’t get more fun than this. To scoop up the crabs you need a long-handled net. It should be at least 5 or 6-feet long and very lightweight. Being able to move the net through the water quickly is important so look for a model with wide mesh netting and a 15-inch opening — not too big, not too small. To store your catch, a simple 5-gallon bucket works great. And as mentioned, a high-powered flashlight is indispensable.  Headlamps are even better as they help you spot crabs hands-free. If the water you’re crabbing in is particularly cold, a decent pair of waders can be very helpful. But if you’re going out on a hot summer night, shorts and sneakers are how most crabbers make their fashion statements. Once you have the few items of gear necessary and have found a good shallow-water bay with a muddy bottom, hunt-and-peck crabbing is very straightforward: - Wade out to roughly 2 or 3 feet of water then start covering ground staying parallel to the shore. - Scan the water with your flashlight until you spot a crab. The light often causes crabs to freeze and raise its claws in a fighting stance. Other times, crabs bolt as soon as the light hits them. - Approach the crab with your net in the water and scoop it up quickly. Don’t worry if you miss a lot at first — this maneuver takes practice. - When you successfully catch a crab, flip the net over your bucket and shake until the crab falls out. If the crab is clinging to the net, don’t pull or yank on it as it’ll likely drop a claw — you don’t want to lose any of that succulent meat! ## 5. Use the Buddy System to Catch More Crabs When you’re combat crabbing, teaming up with a friend makes everything a lot easier. Both of you need to have your own net and flash light, but you can share a bucket and take turns carrying it. To cover as much water as possible, spread out but stay relatively close to each other. When one person finds a crab, the other should circle around on one side — ideally the deeper water side — to block the crab from escaping. With both nets ready, move in and scoop it! ## 6. Exercise Your Ninja Netting Skills Unlike other crab species that spend all their time crawling around on the ocean floor, blue crabs are extremely agile swimmers. Their back legs are shaped like fins that allow them to cover a wide range of water depths — it’s not uncommon to see a blue crab swimming near the surface in over 20 feet of water. But here’s the thing: Blue crabs almost always swim directly sideways. So when you’re getting ready to net the crab, move in from the side. If you’re crabbing with a buddy, use both nets to block the crab off on either side. That way when it flees, it’ll swim right into one of your nets. Of course, not all crab nettings can be quite so calculated. That’s where your ninja netting skills come into play. Be quick and use your instincts. ## ![blue crab](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/blue-crab-478183_640.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)7. Set Up Bait Stations If you decide to try the hunt-and-peck crabbing method, setting out bait or chum stations in the water as you go is a great way to increase your success. The bait or chum used can be anything as long as it’s smelly enough to draw in the crabs. If you’re a fisherman, save up your fish carcasses in the freezer and simply drop them into the water as you move along the shore. Then, when you turn around to walk back to shore, you’ll likely encounter a multitude of crabs gathered around your bait stations. Scoop them up and head to the next bait. If you don’t have access to fish carcasses, raw chicken parts or wet dog food make excellent crab bait. Don’t be surprised when you spark a feeding frenzy. ## 8. Minimize Bucket Battle Blue crabs are notorious for having violent tempers — especially when confined to small spaces. If two crabs are cooped up in the same bucket together, a battle will likely ensue. And they won’t be sparring just for kicks — crabs fight to the death. To minimize the risk of total carnage inside your crab bucket, drop in several big chunks of seaweed to keep the crabs separated. Instead of fighting, they’ll box up, hide under the seaweed, and mind their own business. ## 9. When in Doubt, Use a Crab Pot If traipsing through an estuary at night hunting crabs sounds a little daunting, head to your local sporting goods store and pick up a crab pot or two. There are many different styles of crab pots and traps on the market, but most are made of wire mesh with a bait holder in the middle. One-way doors on the sides allow the crabs to enter to get to the bait, but keep them trapped inside. **More:** [How to pick a fishing rod](https://guycounseling.com/choose-fishing-rod/) Docks, piers, and jetties all make excellent locations for setting crab pots. Simply add your bait to the pot — fresh chicken legs work great — and lower it into the water until you feel it hit bottom. Tie off the rope to the dock then kick back and sip on something frosty. You can let your crab pot “soak” for as long as you want, but give it at least 30 minutes to an hour before hoisting it up to see what you caught. ## 10. Try the Chicken-On-A-String Method If you want the excitement you get with hunt-and-peck crabbing mixed with the leisurely pace of crab pot crabbing, the chicken-on-a-string method is for you. This style of crabbing is also great to do with kids as it’s very easy but still offers lots of action. To get started, go to the grocery store and buy a pack of chicken legs or chicken wings. Tie a leg or a wing onto a length of string or twine then lower it into the water to let it rest on the bottom. Hold onto the string and when you feel a crab tugging, slowly pull it up as carefully as you can. The crab will greedily cling to the chicken all the way to the surface, reluctant to give up such an easy meal. As soon as you see the crab near the surface, scoop it up with a net in one graceful motion. ## Steam or Boil the Blues Away Blue crabs are best enjoyed fresh, immediately upon harvest. And when it comes to cooking crabs, nothing is as easy or delicious as a simple steam or boil. Eight to 10 minutes in a steamer with lots of Old Bay seasoning is a classic blue crab preparation. If you’re aiming for a spicier end result, try boiling your catch in water spiked with a generous dose of Cajun-style crab boil spices like Louisiana seafood boil. Pulling the delicate, juicy meat from the shells is hard work but totally worth the effort — especially when stories of how you caught the crabs are shared with friends. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Crab, Crabbing, Fishing, Outdoors --- ### [Body Scan Meditation in 15 Simple Steps](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/) **Published:** October 12, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![body scan](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man_meditating_-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)A body scan helps promote awareness** One thing I regularly encourage men to do is live more mindfully. [Clinical research](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-01983-016) has demonstrated that people who frequently partake in mindful activities reduce their levels of anxiety significantly. One easy approach to consider is the body scan meditation. It’s great for identifying where your body is holding tension, which may be causing you to feel tired and lethargic. ## **What is the body scan meditation?** At its core, the body scan meditation is nothing more than an exercise that links mental and physical awareness. It requires no special equipment and is one-hundred percent free. ## **Benefits of body scan meditation** There are many benefits that can be realized by conducting a body scan. These include: - Identifying locations in your body that hold stress. - Promoting whole person wellness by linking the mind to the physique. - Reducing stress and anxiety and other forms of emotional discomfort. - [Encouraging mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/), which empowers you to observe thoughts as opposed to impulsively acting on them. - Drawing awareness to muscles that you want to sculpt and build as part of your exercise routine. - Assists with purging stress from your body and calming nerves. - Strengthening mind-body dualism, which in turn increases situational awareness. While this exercise is helpful to both genders, I’ve found it to be particularly useful for men as a tool for stress management. It’s also a powerful way to visualize body-related goals for the future. Here’s a 15-step guide on how to conduct a body scan. Adapted from Mind and Muscle by Whitmarsh. Let’s jump right in! ## 1. Lay down in a quiet place The first thing you will need to do is locate a quiet place. The less distraction, the better. Ideally, you will lay down flat so that your body is completely horizontal. Examples include: - A bed - Living room floor - Enclosed room - Backyard (provided it’s quiet) ## 2. Close your eyes Once you are laying down, close your eyes. Envision a red dot ahead of you in your mind’s eye. As you focus your attention on this dot, allow it to gradually trail off into the distance. Once it is gone: - Draw your awareness to your feet. How do they feel? Can you differentiate between your big toe and fifth toe? - Move over to your other foot. What differences are you aware of between both feet? Does one feel bigger than the other? - Can you determine which foot you put more weight on when standing? ## 3. Move to your calves and knees Gradually move your awareness upward toward your calves and knees. Center your mind on this body area and reflect upon the following: - Can you identify the main muscles of your calves? - How do they attach to your knees? - Can you feel the connection between your knees and ankles? - Do you feel your kneecap? - Are you aware of any tightness? ## 4. Awareness of thighs Time to focus on your thighs and consider how they feel. Slowly scan each one, starting with the right. - How tight is the muscle on the front of your thigh? - What do your hamstrings feel like? - Can you feel the connection between your buttocks and thighs? - Are you aware of any tightness or soreness? ## 5. Pelvic area Gradually move up more and center your attention on your pelvic area. Notice how the muscles interconnect. Think about the following questions: - Can you feel the relationship between your buttocks and the muscles of your groin area? - Are you aware of the sensation between your thighs and pelvis? - What do your hips feel like? - Do you feel the weight of your buttocks? - Can you identify the relationship between your pelvis and back? ## 6. Abdomen Move up more towards the middle part of your body known as the abdomen (abdominal area). - Can you feel your obliques? - Do you sense the muscles in your abs you work out doing crunches? - Do your ab muscles feel tight or relaxed? - Are you aware of your inner organs, such as the stomach, intestines, and gallbladder? ## 7. Chest and Ribs Slowly move up more and focus your awareness on your chest and rib cage. - Are you aware of your breathing? How does it feel? - Can you sense tightness in your chest? - What do your ribs feel like when you inhale or exhale? - Do you feel pressure? ## 8. Back Laser in now on your back. Starting with the upper back and moving downward, reflect upon the following: - Which parts of your back feel tight? - Do you notice any soreness in your back? - Visualize which parts feel sore or tense. ## 9. Shoulders Gradually move your awareness upwards to your shoulder area. Focus your mind on this area of your body and contemplate the following: - Does your right shoulder feel even with your left? - Can you sense how they rest on top of your rib cage? - Are your shoulder blades flat or elevated? - Do you feel any tenseness? ## 10. Arms Slowly, move your focus to the bicep and tricep regions of arms. Reflect upon the following: - Meditate on your biceps. Do they feel full? - Notice how your arms are connected to your shoulders. - Are you aware of your elbows? - How do your triceps feel – are they tight? - Do you notice any tightness in your wrists? ## 11. Hands and Fingers Moving slowly downward, consider your hands and fingers. Ask yourself how they feel as you gently wiggle each digit. Are they easy to move or do you sense tightness? Do your hands tremble or are they calm? ## 12. Neck Region When it feels right, draw your attention to the neck area of your body. Consider the following questions: - Does your neck feel tense in any region? - Can you identify the muscles connecting your neck to your shoulders? - Move your head slightly left to right. Does it feel comfortable or tight? ## 13. Head Now move your awareness to your head. Allow yourself to notice each area of the face. Ask yourself the following: - Can you feel the muscles in your face? - What does your jaw feel like? - Can you sense your chin, lips, and tongue? - How does the inside of your mouth feel? ## 14. Reflect Again After completing this exercise, allow yourself to recall any parts of your body that felt unfamiliar. Return to these areas for a momentary scan to increase awareness. ## 15. Open Eyes Once you have completed the body scan, slowly open your eyes and gradually acclimate yourself back to the environment. How are you feeling? ## Wrap Up Over the course of time, you will be able to do a body scan almost anywhere. This includes your home, the gym or on a train. Some people find that by listening to a guided recording, they are better able to focus on various body parts. An excellent one to consider is the Mindful Meditation Body Scan by McManus. [Check Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2hDaBzH). [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B004TKGYVQ&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004TKGYVQ/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B004TKGYVQ&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=ca5819199a8b33e8c29dc0baa5771b3b)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B004TKGYVQ)The more you become aware of the connection between your mind and body, the more likely you are to center your awareness on areas that hold stress. The body scan is also an excellent way to relax. Why not give it a try? References: Whitmarsh, B.  The Body Scan. *Mind and Muscle: Psych Up, Build Up* (2001). Human Kinetics.  Champaign, Illinois **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Body Scan, Meditation, mindful, Mindfulness, RAIN, stress --- ### [10 Manly Reasons To Practice Mindful Meditation](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/) **Published:** October 2, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man reflecting mindful meditation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man-mindfulness-based-meditation.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Mindful Meditation for Men** Meditation can be used for various purposes, making its definition a subjective one. It’s great for clearing the mind, regaining focus and letting go of life’s difficulties. In my work as a counselor, I’ve found that men respond spectacularly to this approach to wellness. That said, I admit it takes some coaxing at the start of the process because many guys still view mindfulness as “new age” mumbo jumbo. In truth, mindfulness based living, including meditation, is deeply rooted in Buddhist traditions dating back to the first millennium BCE (Abraham, 2011). Once men get their head around the basic concepts and start making meditation part of their daily routine, the benefits soon become apparent. What I share with guys interested in living a calmer life is simply this: **Mindfulness meditation has a specific purpose**. It’s all about being present in the moment, letting your thoughts come and go in the moment and allowing yourself to be aware of those incoming thoughts while observing them non-judgmentally. The “mindful approach” is becoming a way of life. Guys who practice mindful meditation daily truly believe it alters their outlook in a positive way. And you know what else? It’s also a super manly thing do. For real. That’s because mindfulness is the ultimate [form of situational awareness](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/); a guy skill that is needed for survival. Regardless if you are a sportsman, hunter, fisherman or high- stress executive, mindful meditation can help you up your game. It also promotes calmness, thereby allowing you to stay cool under stress. Here are ten ways mindful meditation can help you as a guy, based on science. ![Men and mindfulness ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Testimonials.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Men and Mindfulness ## 1. Helps to reduce rumination Mindfulness meditation reduces your focus on what is currently distressing you. It helps you to look at those areas of your life less judgmentally. Your thoughts start to turn in different directions. You have increased awareness in knowledge and regulation of your cognition. ## 2. Improves working memory Working memory is a part of your short-term memory. It primarily deals with your perceptual and linguistic processing within your conscious awareness. Overall, mindfulness meditation enhances the capacities of your attention and working memory. ## 3. Teaches emotion regulation Partially due to the reduction in rumination, mindfulness also helps you to better regulate your emotions. When you practice this type of meditation, you learn how to look at your thoughts without associating them as either “good” or “bad”. Your attention is focused on your thoughts in the moment- you accept that they come, and you let them go. The continual practice of letting incoming thoughts go can help you to let go of emotions that are weighing you down. ## 4. Reduces stress It’s well known that mindfulness reduces your stress level. As you meditate, you learn to [regulate emotions and thoughts](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/). This really improves your cognitive processing and helps you to manage your stress levels. This is one of the benefits on the list that you can feel immediately after a 10-12-minute session. ## 5. Increases focus When meditating, you are essentially learning how to focus your attention on your thoughts. You aren’t focused on the past or future. You are truly in the moment and accepting thoughts as they come. In doing this, you practice filtering. You learn how to apply this cognitive filtering to anxieties, worries, fears, and other distractions, helping you to focus in on one channel of thought. Using this approach, you are employing [components of ACT.](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) ## 6. Less emotionally reactive Mindfulness meditation makes you a much calmer, level-headed person. You become less irrational and emotionally reactive. You won’t be a prisoner to strong emotions. It takes years of practicing mindfulness meditation to become less emotionally reactive. But don’t let that discourage you. Take meditation practice in baby steps, and build your way up to daily practice. ## 7. Increases relationship satisfaction Meditation allows you to respond better to stress. You learn to stop acting on your emotions, which helps your relationship satisfaction and outlook. Simply, a happier you translates to happier, more fulfilling relationships in your life. As an aside, living mindfully can also help you during times of [relational transition](https://guycounseling.com/guys-breakups-revealed/). ## 8. Self-insight Meditation enhances your ability to introspect, giving you more insight into who you are as a person. By being able to withdraw from the world around you, it frees up a mental space for you to reflect on yourself. You learn about who you are, what you’re like, and why you are the way you are. This helps you recognize what you would like to improve on, what you have control over and will allow you to be a more confident individual. ## 9. Improves IQ The study leader, [Dr. Fadel Zeiden](http://www.wakehealth.edu/Research/Neurobiology-and-Anatomy/Zeidan/Fadel-Zeidan.htm), an assistant professor of Neurobiology and Anatomy at Wake Forest School of Medicine recently found that mindfulness improves your IQ. It helps to stabilize your mood while reducing stress and anxiety levels so your focus can be better directed towards other thoughts. Practicing mindfulness every day for 20 or so minutes can help your cognitive efficiency within a few weeks. ## 10. Overall improved sense of well-being You become an overall happier and more fulfilled person. You learn about yourself and you learn how to handle yourself better. Mindfulness meditation helps you to grow up. You’ll have happier, more satisfying quality relationships and you’ll begin to enjoy and appreciate yourself and your life more. ## Practicing Mindfulness Meditation on Your Own If you have never tried any meditation before, it’s important to realize that like with anything good and worthwhile in life, you’ll need to work hard for it and put focused energy into your practice. Meditation is not going to be as beneficial if you only try it out for a few days or weeks. If you’re dedicated enough, you may start to notice some differences after a few months of practicing meditation. Meditation will be most beneficial if you adopt it as a lifestyle change. New research shows that the most beneficial meditation is the one that you’re going to enjoy the most. After some time, the more you practice it, the more you’ll want to meditate. If you need a useful resource to get started, consider the book *Touchstones: A Book of Daily Meditations for Men*. You can check pricing on [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ySklhf). Don’t get frustrated if it’s not working immediately. It takes a lot of focused practice to quiet down internally. Sit down for only a few moments at a time during your first few times meditating. Work on slowly building up your meditation over time. It’s one of the manliest things you will ever do. **References** Abraham, E. (2011). *The First Spring: The Golden Age of India.* New York: Penguin Books. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Meditation, Mindfulness, Situational Awareness, Skills --- ### [10 Facts About Charles Bronson You Might Not Know](https://guycounseling.com/charles-bronson-facts/) **Published:** August 27, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![charles bronson train death wish 1974](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/charles-bronson-train-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Facts about Charles Bronson** I have a confession – [Charles Bronson](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000314/) is one of my favorite actors. Some may find that odd. After all, he’s an entertainer from yesteryear. Moreover, he’s also dead. Still, whenever I see a movie with his name on it, I can’t help but watch. He was married to Jill Ireland; the British born model and actress who appeared in an impressive 15 films. Bronson himself was featured in nearly 60. What I admired most about him was his gritty style and confident demeanor. Sure, much of what we saw of him in movies like *Death Wish* was hyper-masculine bravado. That said, I’ve always wondered how many of his roles were informed by echoes of the man himself? What follows are 10 facts about Charles Bronson you might not know. Along the way, I’ve included imagery just for fun. Let’s jump right in! ## Guy File: Charles Bronson **Birthday:** November 3, 1921, Ehrenfeld, PA. Died: August 30, 2003 **Height:** 5’9 **Eye Color:** [Crystal blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) ### 1. McCarthyism (and Steve McQueen) Caused Name Change Charles Bronson wasn’t always “Bronson”. He changed his last name from Buchinsky after taking a drive with his buddy, Steve McQueen. You may be wondering why? Simply put – it was (indirectly) because of McCarthyism. When he first started acting, there was a witch hunt for communists in Hollywood. Worried about being blackballed from roles because of his Lithuanian sounding last name, he decided to change it. According to lore, he and his pal (Steve McQueen) were driving one day when McQueen spotted a street sign named “Bronson”. Upon seeing it, he turned to his friend and suggested it was perfect. The rest is history. ### 2. Started Smoking at Age 9 Like many actors in the 1950’s, Bronson smoked. What’s unusual about his case was that he started at age nine. While we’ll never know the exact reasons he first lit up, some point to family pressure. He came from a large family of 15 (he was child number 11). Growing up very poor, they struggled to make ends meet. So poor in fact that Bronson sometimes had to wear his sister’s dresses to school. To help out, he began working with his dad in a coal mine at age 10. The early stress he endured may have played a role in his picking up the smokes. One of the items listed as a cause of death on his death certificate was metastatic lung cancer. ### 3. Wasn’t First Pick for Death Wish It’s hard to imagine any of the *Death Wish* films without Charles Bronson. That said, he almost didn’t get the role. The movie itself was based on the [1972 novel](http://amzn.to/2wIjFxm) and directed by Michael Winner. The part of *Paul Kersey*, the main character in the film series, was originally slated for Henry Fonda. Apparently, Fonda looked at the script and found the plot to be “repulsive”. Winner then approached Bronson. His response was positive. When asked if he wanted the part, he reportedly said, “I’d like to do it.” “The movie?” Winner asked. “No, shoot muggers!” responded Bronson. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/charles-bronson-the-mechanic-someone-is-watching-you-1Gf5Hb4sRLns4) ### 4. Deathly Afraid of Germs and Fire In movies, Bronson played a tough guy. But in real life, he was far more human. For example, it was well known that he was terribly afraid of fire. During filming of Death Wish in 1974, he refused to book any hotel room above the second floor. The reason? He worried that he and his family couldn’t escape. Bronson also was known to avoid shaking hands with fans. Some people thought this was due to arrogance. In truth, he held deep fears of being exposed to germs (a potential [sign of OCD](https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2015/01/10-things-ocd-doesnt-want-you-to-know/)). ### 5. Roommates with Jack Klugman Known for his role as *Oscar* in the iconic *Odd Couple*, Jack Klugman used to split an apartment with Bronson in the late 1940’s. Klugman once remarked that Bronson was neat and a “damn good ironer.” ### 6. He Spent a Lot of Time Away from Hollywood Most people think major Hollywood celebs live exclusively in the Golden State. While that’s true for many, it wasn’t a full-time endeavor for Bronson. While he did have a Bel Air mansion near L.A., much of his time was spent in Vermont with his wife Jill and large family of seven children. He also wintered in Snowmass, Colorado in throughout the 1980’s and part of the 1990’s. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B001D07UK4&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001D07UK4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001D07UK4&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=71679859d7a79a8789c31faad0c0caed)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B001D07UK4) ### 7. Earned a Purple Heart In 1943, Bronson enlisted in the United States Army Air Forces. He served with distinction in the 760th Flexible Gunnery Training Squadron. Then, in 1945, he served as an aerial gunner on the Boeing B-29 Superfortress with the Guam-based 61st Bombardment Squadron. It was during this time that he conducted dangerous combat missions against the Japanese home islands. Bronson flew a total of 25 missions and received a Purple Heart for wounds received in battle (Military.com, 2015). ### 8. Wasn’t fond of chit-chat One of the defining traits of Bronson was his monosyllabic tone. It was kind of hard to miss, be it in *The Mechanic* or any of the Death Wish movies. When film critic Roger Ebert was sent to interview Bronson in 1974, he found a man who wasn’t fond of talking. “I don’t ever talk … about the philosophy of a picture,” he said. “It has never come up. And I wouldn’t talk about it to you. I don’t expound. I don’t like to overtalk a thing … Because I’m entertained more by my own thoughts than by the thoughts of others.” (Ebert, 1974). In this way, he really wasn’t all that much different than what fans saw on the silver screen. ### 9. Huge in Europe In the United States, Bronson was big. However, he was even bigger in Europe. In fact, it’s fair to say he was huge. That’s because the actor made a serious name for himself in European films. In 1968, he starred as *Harmonica* in the flick, *Once Upon a Time in the West*. The director, Sergio Leone, once called him “the greatest actor I ever worked with”, and reportedly wanted to cast him as the lead in 1964’s *A Fistful of Dollars*. Bronson turned down the role; a part that would help later launch Clint Eastwood to mega-watt celebrity status. In 1970, Bronson starred in the French movie, *Rider on the Rain*; a film which later won a Hollywood Golden Globe Award. ### 10. First to Graduate High School Charles Bronson was the first person in his family to graduate high school. That’s kind of a big deal when you consider his humble beginnings. His first language was Lithuanian because of his parent’s Baltic roots. During his teen years, he taught himself the basics of English through sheer grit. If you listen closely in some of his movie roles, you’ll hear a slight accent. ### Summing Things Up In every way that matters, Charles Bronson channeled an “old school” vibe. Moreover, he was very direct in the way that [alpha males types](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) tend to be. Ebert captured his persona well in his famous 74’interview.  Recalling a moment he spotted the iconic actor sitting alone, he wrote: “I don’t know whether to approach him; he seems absorbed by his own thoughts, but after a time he yields.” Upon seeing Ebert, Bronson motioned him over and said, “You can talk to me now. I wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t want to talk. I’d be somewhere else.” **References** Ebert, R. (1974). *Charles Bronson: It’s just that I don’t like to talk very much*. Retrieved from Roger Ebert Interviews: http://www.rogerebert.com/interviews/charles-bronson-its-just-that-i-dont-like-to-talk-very-much Military.com. (2015). *Famous Veterans: Charles Bronson*. Retrieved from Military.com : http://www.military.com/veteran-jobs/career-advice/military-transition/famous-veterans-charles-bronson.html **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** Charles Bronson, Death Wish, Hollywood --- ### [Six Core Processes of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/) **Published:** August 24, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man sitting on log](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/man-on-log.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Core processes of ACT Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ([ACT](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005789404800133)) is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy that is designed to help increase psychological flexibility (Hayes, 2004). In counseling circles, we often hear about ACT but few people know about its core components. In this post, I’m going to walk you through the six core processes of ACT in a straight forward, easy to understand way. Moreover, I’ll help draw a line between the use of ACT and wellness. Let’s jump right in! ## Six Core Processes of ACT At its core, ACT is concerned with six core processes that are associated with psychological flexibility. That’s a $10.00 term used to describe expansive thinking. FYI: What’s important to keep in mind is all six work in tandem as opposed to inviduals blocks. Check this out: ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/xUA7aPhCAs5QRvMMJa/giphy.gif?resize=540%2C304&ssl=1) ## 1. Values A key component of ACT is *values*. This means recognizing what matters **most** to you what you truly want your life to be about. Examples include friendships, family, work relationships, spirituality and so forth. ## 2. Committed Action In this context, *committed action* means doing the things that bring value to your life. Examples include writing, reading, giving presentations, forming bonds with loved ones, nurturing others, care-taking and creating. ## 3. Acceptance A huge aspect of ACT is *acceptance*. In short, this means embracing all your experiences, including unwanted ones or things you view as “negative”. Example: Accepting that as part of your personality, you can be generous and kind but also quick to judge or lash out. ## 4. Defusion This aspect of ACT requires that you stand back from yourself in an objective way. Essentially, *defusion* means noticing your thoughts and thinking processes, without getting obsessed or trying to alter them. Example: Occasionally, you have intrusive thoughts about someone you love being hurt. Instead of trying to stop the thoughts, you simply acknowledge their presence while realizing thoughts are not reality. ## 5. Contact with Present Moment One of the amazing aspects of ACT is its emphasis on living in the here and now. By having *contact with the present moment*, you are more fully aware of your experiences as they happen at this very moment in time. Example: While camping in the woods, you notice an eagle flying overhead. In your mind, you say to yourself: *I see the eagle and am aware of his flying pattern*. ## 6. Self in Context The final component of ACT is seeing the *self in context*. This basically means that you get in touch with your deep sense of self (meaning the “you” who sits behinds your eyes). This is the observant part of who you are and is distinct from your own thoughts, memories, and feelings. Example: You consider your own human development and where you are in life. As part of this reflection, you are aware that your upbringing has influenced the here and now and may or may not impact the future. ## Wrap Up There’s nothing “new age” about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Instead, it’s an approach to wellness that pulls from the tenants of cognitive therapy while allowing “space” for spirituality and non-linear thinking. If you are looking for the ultimate way to live in the here and now, I encourage you to learn all that you can about ACT. As a counseling approach for men, I’ve found that guys particularly like this approach to wellness. To learn more, visit this [“What is ACT”](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) page. Thanks for stopping by! ### References Hayes, S. (2004). Acceptance and commitment therapy, relational frame theory, and the third wave of behavioral and cognitive therapies. *Behavior Therapy*, 639-655. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Acceptance and Commitment, ACT, Mental Health, wellness --- ### [8 Symptoms of an Anxiety Disorder in Men](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-men/) **Published:** June 8, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anxiety men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/anxiety-men.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men and Anxiety Are you a man that worries a lot? Have you struggled with issues like fear, uncertainty and doubt for most of your life? Do negative thoughts regularly race across your mind in ways that undermine your self-esteem? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. The truth is, all of us stress out from time to time. And to keep it real, certain situations are going to bring out anxiety more than others. An example might be getting [jittery on a bumpy flight](https://guycounseling.com/nervous-flyer-tip/) or worrying about a child’s health when they get sick. But if you are constantly in a suspended state of worry or experience chronic stress, it could be an indication of an anxiety disorder. I realize the term “disorder” may be uncomfortable. I certainly don’t like it. But since we need to call it something, we might as well not try and water it down. As a counselor that works with men, I learned long ago that guys aren’t so great about sharing feelings. There are several reasons for this, including (ridiculous) societal norms, coupled with cultural expectations. So rather than give you a bunch of clinical jargon that about what an anxiety disorder is, I thought it might be more helpful to explore the symptoms. Now keep in mind that you shouldn’t try to diagnose yourself. Instead, just look at what follows as *possible* indicators of an anxiety problem. What follows are eight signs of anxiety in men. While I recognize that women also can struggle with these issues, I’m specifically highlighting the ones below because this is what I’ve seen most prominent in guys over the years. Check it out. ![fear of dentist 8 tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/fear-of-dentist-8-tips.png?resize=278%2C300&ssl=1) ## 1. Worrying too much The biggest indicator of all for an anxiety disorder is that someone worries excessively. While it’s hard to define what exactly qualifies as “too much,” the best rubric is that worry that seriously affects a person’s normal ability to function is excessive. Worrying may be a normal part of human existence, but when it gets to the point that you develop [stress related acne](https://guycounseling.com/non-comedogenic-comedogenic/) or can’t focus on the task in front of you, it could be a sign of a larger problem. ## 2. Self-consciousness Someone with an anxiety disorder may constantly feel that all eyes are on them. While it’s common to feel self-awareness when, for example, giving a speech or doing anything else that requires being at the center of attention, those with a serious anxiety problem may feel intense self-consciousness even in ordinary social situations. If you struggle with [body image issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/) to the point that they interfere with your activities of daily living (i.e. going out with friends, dating, being public) this may be a strong indication of an anxiety disorder. ## 3. Irrational fears Everyone is afraid some of the time. There are, of course, certain situations in which fear is a sensible response. However, someone who has many fears that are unrealistic or disconnected from reality may have an anxiety problem. Fear should not occupy a person’s entire mind, be far out of proportion to the actual danger, or disrupt a person’s life in a major way. ## 4. Stomach troubles The stomach and the entire digestive system are closely connected to mood and emotions. Stress can throw the digestive system into turmoil, disrupting normal function. Cramps, nausea, irritable bowel syndrome, and other stomach or digestive problems can be a physical manifestation of an anxiety disorder. If you’ve been experiencing these issues over an extended period of time, it’s probably a good idea to talk to your doctor. ## 5. Muscle tension Tight, tense, knotted muscles are another potential physical sign of an anxiety disorder. That’s because many anxiety sufferers keep certain sets of muscles constantly tensed, resulting in severe tightness and pain. For example, some people with anxiety keep their jaws or fists clenched almost continually. If this is a regular thing for you, consider it a possible sign. ## 6. Difficulty concentrating Severe anxiety has a way of taking over the mind, making it hard to focus on anything other than the source of the worry. Someone with anxiety may have trouble sustaining effort for long periods, which can result in poor performance at work or school. Difficulty concentrating can also hamper the ability to make decisions. In many cases, prolonged periods when you can’t concentrate may suggest a problem. Examples include generalized anxiety or [possible depression](https://guycounseling.com/7-types-depression-might-surprise/). ## 7. Negative thinking Individuals with an anxiety disorder will often see an event or situation in the worst possible light. Someone who habitually anticipates things turning out in the worst possible way may be dealing with anxiety. Excessive negative thinking is often accompanied by irrational perfectionism, which can make reaching goals almost impossible. ## 8. Difficulty sleeping Like digestion, sleep is a complicated, delicate process that can easily be disrupted by an anxiety disorder. Worry and stress agitate the mind, making it hard to reach the state of relaxation required for quality sleep. People with anxiety disorders can suffer from a range of sleep problems, including trouble staying asleep, abnormal sleep schedule, and insomnia. Odd [dreams about life and death](https://guycounseling.com/dreaming-death-meaning/) may also be part of the dynamic. ## **Wrap Up** It’s important to emphasize that the presence of some, or even all, of these signs should not be taken as absolute proof of an anxiety disorder. Anyone who thinks they might have a serious anxiety problem should seek help from a trained expert who can be relied upon for a sure diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. That said, since the eight signs described in this article are strong indicators for a major anxiety issue. Their presence should be taken seriously. To learn more about what anxiety disorders are and how they are diagnosed, visit the [Anxiety and Depression Association of America](https://www.adaa.org/) online. — If you are reading this and feel you are in crisis, call 911 or go to your local emergency room. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, Depression, fear, Worry --- ### [10 Tips for Being More Charming, Charismatic, and Likable](https://guycounseling.com/charming-charismatic-tips/) **Published:** May 25, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![JFK Moon speech](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/jfk-rice-university.jpg?resize=879%2C485&ssl=1)JFK at Rice Stadium in Houston, Texas on September 12, 1962 ## **Charismatic skill building**  Some people are like magnets. The world seems to gravitate toward them, and they hold the attention of others authoritatively and effortlessly. Fortunately, it is not as difficult as it may seem to develop charisma of your own. If you’re hunting for insight on how to be more charismatic, you’ve come to the right place. ## **Charisma and JFK** You may be wondering why you see the photograph of JFK above. The answer is simple. History records President Kennedy as one as one of America’s most charismatic leaders. Kennedy was known for his ability to walk into a room and command it instantly. There have been other famous people with this skill, like Elvis Presley, [Theodore Roosevelt](https://guycounseling.com/theodore-roosevelt-accomplishments/) and Johnny Cash. But JFK’s charisma was off the charts. He comfortably enjoyed the highest approval ratings of any post-WWII president. So how did he and others like him become so extraordinarily charismatic? Was it purely a function of heredity? Was it mostly a skill that he learned during his upbringing? Most to the point, is it possible to emulate him in a truly transformative way? - A working definition of “charismatic” - The science of charisma based on research - How the role of heredity impacts charisma - The important role of mindfulness in charisma - Specific behaviors that will amplify charisma - Myths about charisma - Famous charismatic and charming people - Resources for being more likable ## **What is Charisma?** ***Charisma*** is the ability to exude a magnetic charm that draws others near and wins their admiration. Being charismatic also means being influential and holding sway over other’s opinions. Your ability to be charismatic is partly a function of your personality. Some people think of this as a hidden trait, as something mysterious that is gifted to only a select few. While that may seem true for people who don’t get to “peek behind the curtain”, the truth is that charisma happens because a person wills it. President Kennedy’s ability to draw people near and inspire didn’t happen by accident. We know definitively that the man was extremely aware of his presence and how others perceived him. For him, this meant careful consideration of his [affect](http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/apl/75/2/107/); a 10-dollar psychological term used to describe a person’s outward expression of emotion. It’s a calculated *style* of personality. That awareness of affect was empowered by another psychological construct known as *mindfulness*. ## **What is Mindfulness?** There have been more definitions (and books) written about mindfulness than I can shake a stick at. When you boil it all down, mindfulness is nothing more than your ability to live in the here and now. **In other words, it means being in this very moment in time – as in right now.** When employed successfully, mindfulness allows you to clear mental debris  from your psyche so that you can be fully present with others. There’s no “magic” behind mindfulness. Instead, the concept borrows from ancient Buddhist teachings that are firmly embedded in modern day Zen. However, the uses of mindfulness are not limited to meditation. An individual can practice mindfulness in the company of others as well. ## **How Do Charisma and Mindfulness Relate?** If you want to draw people near with charisma, you’ll need to first master the art of mindfulness. If you think about this for a moment, it makes perfect sense. How can you tune into others, including all the nuanced thoughts and emotions that lie beneath the surface, in a genuine way if you are mentally distracted? Moreover, how can you dial into your own outward expressions when your thoughts are focused internally? Your ability to be charismatic is linked to how people perceive you, so mindfulness is the key factor of the equation. When you stop navel-gazing, when you liberate your conscious of cluttered thoughts about yourself, you free yourself to analyze the subtleties of your environment and then leverage that knowledge to your benefit. ## **Science of Charisma** Research tells us that charisma is an important part of leadership. In the peer-reviewed journal [Administrative Science Quarterly](http://www.jstor.org/stable/2393201?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents), House, Spangler and Woycke  (1991) investigated the topic of charisma related to U.S. Presidents. They discovered that some men may be born with a charismatic gene. While inconclusive, it may suggest that some people are born with the ability to draw others near and win them over. [Aston University](http://www.aston.ac.uk/news/releases/2009/april/natural-born-leaders/) also examined the question of heredity and charisma. They discovered that some people have a specific version of a gene  that is presumably linked to charisma. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BInENqrDhYw/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) Does this mean that if your grandfather channeled a magnetic vibe, you probably can too? On the flip-side, what if nobody in your family line was particularly charismatic? Does this mean you are doomed? The honest answer to that question is: no. That’s because there are plenty of men who have taught themselves how to be more likable, charming, and inviting. ## **Teaching Yourself to Be More Charismatic** Olivia Fox Cabane is the author of the [book](http://amzn.to/2qXxbu3), *The Charisma Myth: How Anybody Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism.* It is her belief that anyone can engage in a specific set of behaviors, empowered by mindfulness, that can make a person more likable. Before sharing these traits with you, I want to interject that creating personal change takes time. In other words, while engaging in some or all of the suggestions made below, it’s important that you give yourself permission to be imperfect during the process. You should also consider implementing them piecemeal. In other words, focus on only one suggestion during your next social function or workday. Then rotate through the list. What follows are 10 tips for becoming more charming, infused with material from Cabane’s book, plus my own research on men who had the “charisma chip” embedded in their persona. Let’s take a look. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=391%2C293&ssl=1)10 charisma tips ## **1. Center yourself in the moment** The most important skill you need to strengthen is being present in the moment. In psychology, this is called having a “here and now” approach to life. A simple way to do this is to close your eyes, clear your mind of extraneous material, and then open your eyes again. Ask yourself, *what am I aware of?* Using all five senses (touch, sight, smell, hearing, and taste), focus on the question of what’s happening all around you. Do you see clouds? Do you hear an airplane in the distance? Is the taste of mint in your mouth because you are chewing gum? By centering yourself in the moment, you engage in the ultimate form of mindfulness. In turn, this allows you to be present for others. Being in the moment is also a catalyst for the tips below. ## **2. Visualize yourself as a magnet** Most books and websites will tell you to exude confidence. What they don’t tell you is *how* to exude confidence when you don’t feel composed. Part of that “How to be charismatic” question involves visualizing yourself as an [attractive man](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). The trick is to be realistic about what you envision. For example, if you are 5’8, visualize yourself as a person of that height. As part of your approach, imagine yourself smiling at others. Imagine them willfully gravitating your way. If your goal is to fool yourself into thinking everyone will like you, think again. Attraction doesn’t work that way. But if you believe that *some* folks will like you, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. To put it another way, if you accept that you are capable of gaining greater admiration from more people—which is true for yourself and everyone else—then you place yourself in the proper mental state for realizing your vision. ## **3. Smile like you mean it** One of the hallmarks of being more likable and charming is to smile. To keep it real, that advice is right. The issue for most people is to do it in a way that doesn’t come off as fake. How is this accomplished? The answer isn’t as complicated as you might think. That’s because the act of smiling can be used as a mindful exercise of your thoughts. Rather than force yourself to smile, it’s better to focus your attention on something that makes you happy . An example might be envisioning how a pet expresses himself upon walking through the front door. Does this thought bring joy to your heart and a smile to your face? If the answer is yes, hold that thought and use it as the battery to empower your own self-expressions. Finally, in this section, I’d like to point out that smiling can occur in more than one form. Specifically, I’m talking about using your eyes to smile. To do this, squint your eyes a bit as you arch the corners of your mouth upwards. If this doesn’t feel right, use one of your eyes to wink. Just food for thought. Rene Descartes, the famous seventeenth-century philosopher, is thought to have coined the phrase,  *You are what you think* To learn more about this concept and how you can change your mental tape, read this [page on men and self-confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BHKiXLYDsdU/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **4. Charismatic Mirror work** Have you ever noticed that charismatic people have excellent body posture? That’s no accident. Charming people have made a mindful choice to stand tall without being rigid. Next time you’re at a party, find someone who seems especially magnetic and pay attention to their body language. They probably aren’t slouching and leaning all the time. Their posture will demonstrate an energetic correctness. One way to create positive change in this area is to practice in the mirror. That may sound silly, but I’m here to tell you that it’s a proven way get positive karma flowing. I can guarantee that George Clooney has spent hours and hours practicing his postures and expressions in front of the mirror, so there’s truly no shame in the routine. In psychology, this type of approach is called *mirror work*. That’s another 10-dollar term used to describe how therapists assist clients to change their self-image. If you want to learn more about mirror work and this powerful approach to increase self-esteem and attractiveness, I encourage you to pick up a copy of the [book](http://amzn.to/2qe8XYx): *Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life*  by Louise Hay. ## **5. Self-Care** There’s a term you don’t often hear. What does self-care mean, anyway? Well, it’s pretty simple. At its core, self-care is the act of investing in yourself physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. It means liking yourself enough to engage in behaviors that honor your body and mind. One of the points I stress constantly to the men I provide guidance for is mindfulness of personal appearance. No, I’m not talking about urging a guy to become a raging narcissist. Instead, I try to help them see the link between likability and self-worth. In fact, that’s why I wrote this [men’s grooming guide](https://guycounseling.com/beauty-tips-men-grooming-guide/). Self-care also means knowing when to tune-out from the world and get proper rest. Because we cannot give what we do not possess, it’s kind of hard to be liked if you’re irritable and crabby. That’s not to say there won’t be times when this happens. Many of us work too much without a choice otherwise. But if you can ensure that self-care is part of your daily schedule, it will go a long way in helping to upgrade your charisma. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/zLfTEom_TZ/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **6. Active listening** A term that you may have heard about is active listening. But what does that *really* mean? In short, active listening involves the use of body gestures and questions in a way that demonstrates you are tuned in to what the other person is saying. While I admit this take some practice, it’s not hard to master. For starters, it helps to occasionally nod or tilt your head when receiving certain information. You can also open your eyes or drop your jaw slightly to show a sense of surprise. Finally, active listening involves asking clarifying questions. This doesn’t mean you parrot the person. Instead, you inquire about a specific point. Example: You are giving a presentation to on a new gadget at tradeshow. During your talk, someone raises their hand and begins sharing the difficulty they’ve had with instituting new technologies, like the one you are presenting. Here, you would allow the person to complete their thought. Then, you might pause for a moment before responding. The very first thing you want to do is acknowledge what they are feeling. *It sounds like it’s been a frustrating experience for you. Let’s see how we can change that*. Notice the pause in the example response. It demonstrates in real time that you are processing and synthesizing what has been shared. The second aspect in the example offered was reflecting back on what the person is feeling through a statement. In my experience studying charismatic people, I’ve learned that active listening is a crucial skill set. Going back to our JFK example man of his station had the power to dismiss a lot of people. But what we saw instead was a person who listened to people’s concerns for the good of the nation. In general, people tend to like folks that come across and caring and compassionate and without airs. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/0aqAiIm_fm/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **7. Mimic body language** Mimicking the body language of a person you are conversing with is an extension of active listening, but it deserves its own section. All this really means is to adopt some mannerisms from your conversation partner. The trick is to do it subtly. For example, if the woman you are talking to is animated, don’t respond like a stiff board. Instead, mirror her expressive behavior. Examples include hand gestures, raising your chin, etc. ## **8. Use the person’s name** Be it in a one-on-one situation or in a group, it’s important to use a person’s name during conversation. By doing so, you send the message that the person matters . It also establishes a personalized approach to sharing information. You only need to say the name once. Twice if you want to make a point. Think about it. Don ## **9. Be witty** Many people confuse being witty with being funny. While there are elements of humor involved with wit, it’s not the entire ballgame. Part of wit means applying knowledge you have and synthesizing it into the moment through abstract intelligence. President Kennedy was known for his quick wit, and it was something that often manifested itself in the form of humor. The best way to bone up on wittiness is to study others who exude charm. I’m including a video with footage of President Kennedy below, recorded two years into his presidency. Take note of the different ways he shows his wit, using intelligence and humor. It’s a rare look at JFK and definitely  informative. ## **10. Engage** Don’t be afraid to show your feelings. Research has shown people “connect” with others who come off as real and passionate. Obviously, don’t say anything that will offend. Use common sense as a guide. That shared, if you express yourself as you genuinely are, you’ll be surprised how people are drawn to you like a magnet. Example: If someone has [stunning hazel eyes](https://guycounseling.com/hazel-eyes-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-them/), compliment them on it with meaning. ## **Myths About Charisma & Charm**  Just for fun, I’m listing several myths about charisma and charm that some people buy into. While it’s not possible to list them all, I’ll share a few of the biggies. - Only men can be charismatic - People are born charismatic - Charismatic people are always super attractive - You can’t learn how to be charismatic - Charming and charisma are the same - Charismatic people are narcissists - If you are charming, you are also a sociopath - Only women can be charming. - One must be an [alpha male to be charming](https://guycounseling.com/alpha-male-develop-traits-skills/) ## Famous Charismatic Men - John F. Kennedy - Ronald Reagan - Elvis Presley - Mahatma Gandhi - Winston Churchill - Martin Luther King - Marlon Brando - Robert Redford - Chris Evans - Paul Newman - Robert F. Kennedy - Theodore Roosevelt - Franklin Roosevelt ## **Summing Things Up** Being more charismatic, charming and likable are three attributes many men pursue. This is particularly true of men who are in leadership positions. Thanks for stopping by Men’s Culture! References: House, Spangler and Woycke (1991). Personality and Charisma in the U.S. Presidency: A Psychological Theory of Leader Effectiveness. Web Cabane. O. (2013). The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** charisma, charismatic, charming, JFK, John F. Kennedy, Likable, Mindfulness, Roosevelt, U.S. Presidents --- ### [10 Backpacking Tips for Wilderness Hiking](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/) **Published:** May 21, 2017 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![backpacking tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/backpacking-tips-wilderness.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Backpacking in the wilderness tips ## Backpacking in the wilderness is fun Exploring wild places by the power of your own two legs gives you the time necessary to clear your head and absorb your surroundings with every sense. And with a pack strapped to your back full of the essentials, you have the freedom to set up camp practically anywhere to rest up, grub down, then wake up in the morning to hike even further. However, like all worthwhile pursuits, wilderness backpacking isn’t without its challenges. And if you’ve never done it before, living out of a pack for several days and nights can seem a little daunting. \[[How to survive in the wilderness guide](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/)\] But rest assured, with proper preparation, just about anyone with the willpower to do so can plan and execute a successful backpacking trip. So if you’ve been dreaming about an epic multi-day hike into the wilderness, use the following ten tips to help you get started. ## 1. Break In Your Footwear Before You Go Nothing will ruin a backpacking trip faster than sore, blistered-up feet. And nothing will wreck your feet faster than boots that either don’t fit right or aren’t broken in sufficiently. Therefore, it’s imperative you choose your hiking footwear carefully and give yourself plenty of time to break it in before you hit the trail. How do you break in footwear? It’s simple: Pull on your boots, lace them up, and start walking. Wear the same socks you plan hiking in. Give yourself at least two weeks to wear your boots before your trip and wear them constantly — around the house, to work, to the grocery store, and if possible, go on some light trail hikes close to home. The purpose of this break-in period is two-fold: The materials of the boots will start to loosen up and adapt to the unique shape of your feet, and your feet will adjust to the boots. Pay close attention to any “hot spots” or blisters that form — you’ll need plenty of moleskin with you to protect these areas while hiking. If you notice right away that your boots are giving you too much trouble, swap them out for a better-fitting pair. ## 2. Keep Your Feet Dry (Or Don’t) There are two schools of thought when it comes to hiking footwear: the old school backpackers who prefer traditional above-the-ankle hiking boots, and the new school ultralight backpackers who skip boots altogether and opt for lightweight trail running shoes. Both groups of backpackers have good arguments for the boots vs. trail running shoe debate. Boots, though heavier, offer more stability over rough terrain. Trail running shoes are vastly lighter than boots, greatly reducing the hiker’s overall energy exertion. But all other points aside, one of the hottest points of contention surrounding hiking footwear has to do with moisture. Most modern hiking boots have some amount of waterproof-ness. Trail running shoes, on the other hand, aren’t waterproof at all. If you go with traditional waterproof hiking boots, it’s important that you take precautions to keep your feet dry. This involves actions like removing your boots to cross streams, wearing gaiters when hiking in the rain, and taking breaks to let your feet air out when hiking in hot, sweaty weather. Marching in squishy-wet boots is one of the quickest routes to a miserable hiking experience. I have found Moosejaw to make an excellent [hiking boot](http://www.kqzyfj.com/click-8285696-12602450) that’s durable, water resistant and comfortable. With trail running shoes, you must commit to having and embracing wet feet. You splash through the stream, romp through the rain, then simply dry your feet off at night around the fire. The nice thing about trail running shoes is that while they let lots of moisture in, they also breathe and dry quickly. Many ultralight hikers believe that since keeping your feet truly dry is impossible, the weight savings afforded by trail running shoes is worth the price of occasional pruney toes. \[[How to build a fire for any situation](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/)\] Just remember: If you go with trail running shoes over hiking boots, you still need to break them in and make sure they fit long before you leave for your trip. ## 3. Leave Those Extra Clothes Behind to Lighten Your Load When you’re just getting started, chances are you’ll bring way too much stuff and your pack will be extremely heavy. Don’t worry, it’s normal. But if you want to hike faster, farther, and with less struggle, you must do everything you can to lighten your load. Hardcore ultralight backpacker, Andrew Skurka, who’s known for his outlandishly long treks, sums up the beginning [backpacker’s folly](http://amzn.to/2qIlCG2) succinctly by saying, “Basically, you pack your fears.” You bring everything you think you need in order to survive, most of which you never end up using — it becomes dead weight. And what’s the biggest culprit of dead weight in your pack? Extra clothing. Truly knowing what to pack and what to ditch only comes with experience. But even when preparing for your first trip, significant weight savings can be made by carefully editing the contents of your pack. Of course, you need to take into consideration the time of year, climate, and the weather forecast, coming prepared with rain gear and warm clothes if needed. But you should make every effort to cut as many unnecessary and duplicate items as possible. Extra pants, shirts, and underwear seem like good things to bring, but there’s a high chance you’ll start and end your trip having never changed clothes. Don’t worry about getting dirty on the trail — that’s part of the fun. ![dark spots on face prevention](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/self-confidence.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Don’t overpack ## 4. Load Your Pack the Right Way After you’ve compiled just the right amount of clothing and gear, it’s time to load up that pack. Seems easy enough, but did you know there are right and wrong ways to load your pack? It’s all about distributing weight in your pack to achieve an optimal center of gravity. When you hike with a backpack, you naturally lean forward, which brings the weight of your pack directly over your hips. Loading your pack so that the bulk of the weight is concentrated at or slightly above the middle of your back capitalizes on this natural way of carrying a load. So how do you go about achieving that ideal weight distribution? You’ll have to play around with what works for your setup, but use these guidelines as a starting point: - **Bottom of pack** — Sleeping bag - **Center of pack** — Heavier items like food, water, and cooking gear - **Top and sides of pack** — Clothing, tent, rain gear, and other lightweight or compressible items - **Lid of pack** — maps, snacks, camera, and other items you need to access quickly \[[How to pick a survival tent](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/)\] ## 5. Learn How to Setup and Use Your Gear When you’re getting ready for your backpacking trip, especially if it’s your first, try to eliminate all guess work pertaining to your gear. This means taking the time to learn how to setup and use all your gear before you get into the woods. At your first campsite, you don’t want to be fumbling around with your tent, figuring out which pole goes where, or realize that you bought the wrong kind of stove fuel. Plus, playing with your gear at home is just pure fun. So go ahead, geek out about everything your [headlamp](http://amzn.to/2r6lrWi) can do… Test out that new titanium [spork](http://amzn.to/2qIlZjU) on Wednesday night’s lasagna! ## 6. Stay Organized and Prepared with a Gear List Backpacking is a gear-centric activity. As you progress from your first trip to your second, third, fourth and beyond, you’ll start to get a good feel for what you need and don’t need on the trail. You’ll start to understand what “fears” you’re packing like we discussed in tip #3. But how do you use this experience-earned gear-related insight to your advantage? By keeping an up-to-date and minutely detailed [gear list](https://guycounseling.com/10-hiking-backpack-supplies-survival/). When packing for your trip, simply write down all the items you’re bringing. Pen and paper work well but Excel spreadsheets can also be put to good use. Then, when you return from your trip and start unpacking, revisit your gear list and note all the items you didn’t use. These unused items are things that you should consider leaving behind on your next trip to reduce your pack weight. Plus, having a gear list on hand makes it super easy to load your pack quickly and with peace of mind knowing you have everything you need for your next trip. ![pisces symbols explored](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/pisces-symbols-explored.jpg?resize=640%2C359&ssl=1)Be prepared for day and night hiking ## 7. Buy Used Backpacking Gear to Save Cash When Getting Started We’ve talked a good bit about gear so far, and if you’re just getting into backpacking, you’re probably seeing those price tags add up. But the truth is, you don’t have to spend a ton of money to acquire the gear you need for successful backpacking. Great deals on quality used backpacking gear can be found if you’re willing to do a little digging. If you have a tight budget, the price savings can be well worth the effort. Prime candidates for used backpacking gear are the more durable items on your list such as tents, camp stoves, trekking poles, and possibly your pack, though it’s important to take your time to find a pack that fits properly. Classified sites like Craigslist can be a good place to start. The classified sections of online [backpacking forums](https://whiteblaze.net/forum/forumdisplay.php/69-Selling-Used-Gear?s=ef1442251db84d0e7f55df8b730186ca) are even better. Don’t rule out local garage sales either, especially if you live in a city with close access to backpacking trails. If you live near a REI, be sure to check out their annual garage sale event when they sell off returned and gently used items for screaming bargains. ## 8. Train Up So You Won’t Give Up (Or Throw Up) on the Trail Backpacking is unlike any other form of physical exercise most guys do in their normal lives. When else do you spend a full day walking up and over hills with weight on your back? If you’re in relatively good shape, you’ll probably be okay showing up at the trailhead without prior training. But if you want to ensure you have the best possible experience, even a small amount of hiking-focused training will go a long way. What kind of exercises should you do to train for backpacking? Pretty much anything that works your legs and lungs. At the gym, stair steppers and ellipticals will get your legs and lungs working simultaneously. Box step-ups will tone up those glutes, hamstrings, and quads and will help you prepare for the uphill slogs you may encounter on the trail. Another great way to train for backpacking is to load some weight into your pack (sandbags work great) and go hike hills. If you don’t have ready access to hills, seek out the staircases of multi-story buildings. Go up and down, putting in as many reps as time allows. ![backpacking tips by region](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/canoe-essentials-640x381.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1 "backpacking hikes and and hiking by region ")Plan backpacking trips by region ## 9. Invest in a Quality Backpacking Guide Book For Your Region These days, there is a huge amount of information about the best trails for multi-day backpacking trips. The problem is, there’s almost too much information out there and choosing a trail for your first trip can be overwhelming. The solution? Get a reputable backpacking guide book for your state or region. Falcon guidebooks are some of the best out there, and they have guides for just about anywhere you want to hike. Then, when you find a trail in a [guide book](http://amzn.to/2q6YKwZ), you can use the internet to find out more specifics and up-to-date information about the area. ## 10. Choose a Loop or Out-and-Back Route for Your First Backpacking Trip Once you have all the necessary gear and know how to use it, backpacking is inherently simple. But when you’re first starting out there’s definitely a learning curve. So when it comes time to plan your first trip, start small with a trail you feel confident you can handle. Wait until you have a few weekend trips under your belt before you attempt to thru-hike the Pacific Crest Trail. \[[How to best plan for a canoe camping trip](https://guycounseling.com/canoe-camping-trip-planning/)\] In terms of specific trail types that are ideal for beginners, loops and out-and-back type trails are ideal. With a loop route, you basically park at the trailhead then hike a big loop through the wilderness that brings you back to the trailhead. An out-and-back route is similar, only instead of hiking a loop, you hike a trail to an end point, then turn around and hike the same trail back. That way you won’t have to worry about arranging a shuttle and making matters more complicated than they need to be. Even a single night backpacking trip can be a deeply rewarding experience. As you grow in experience, you’ll be able to tack on the miles and spend more and more time in the woods. If you keep things simple to start and make sure your boots are well broken in you’ll be set up for success wherever the trail takes you. — This article was authored by Men’s Culture special correspondent, Niklas Isaac. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** backpacking, Camping, Hiking, Surivival, Wilderness --- ### [How to Plan for a Canoe Camping Trip](https://guycounseling.com/canoe-camping-trip-planning/) **Published:** April 18, 2017 **Author:** Niklas Isaac **Content:** ![canoe camping trip](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/canoe-camping-trip.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Canoe camping – there’s nothing like it! ## Canoe Camping Trip Essentials If you’ve ever dreamed of gliding down a forest-lined stream for days on end with no agenda beyond the nightly ritual of setting camp and whipping up a hearty meal, it’s time to start planning a [canoe camping](https://www.fs.usda.gov/detail/superior/specialplaces/?cid=stelprdb5202169) trip. Although canoes are the simplest of watercraft, taking a multi-day excursion in one can be surprisingly complicated and involved. New skills must be learned, specialized gear acquired, and local knowledge of waterways obtained. But once you sort out all the logistics, the rewards of time spent on the water immersed in nature are worth the effort. Entire books have been written on the subject of canoe camping, but to help you get started, this article gives an introduction to all the steps involved in planning your canoe trip. The first step — before you spend any money on gear — is deciding where to go… ## Choosing a Canoe Camping Location One of the most appealing benefits of a light and nimble canoe is that it can be launched practically anywhere — no boat launch required. No matter where you live, chances are there’s a body of water close to home that’s ideal for canoeing. In terms of performance, canoes are extremely versatile and the type of water you can paddle is only limited by your skill level. For that reason, if you’re new to canoeing, it’s best to start small when choosing a canoe camping location. **More:** [Backpack essentials for wilderness trips](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/) Sticking to stillwater — lakes and reservoirs — is a good idea to learn the ropes and build confidence in your paddling skills. Small, slow moving rivers also make excellent beginner-friendly canoe camping routes. Since you’re planning a camping trip, not just a day paddle, it’s important to find a lake or river where camping is allowed. Unless you plan on heading out into remote wilderness, plan on camping at established campsites, either at State Parks or other types of public land. It’s likely that if a body of water is worth canoeing, other paddlers have gone before you and the best campsites will be easy to identify. So how do you find a good lake or river for a canoe camping trip? Open Google Maps and look for the blue blobs and squiggly blue lines. Seriously, a ton of scouting can be accomplished from the comfort of your iPhone. Make note of any chains of lakes, reservoirs, or rivers within National Forests, National Wildlife Refuges, or State Parks. If you live in an area with a decent concentration of canoe camping areas, there’s a good chance that guidebooks are available. An up-to-date, well-written guidebook for your area can make finding a suitable location much easier. If you plan on canoeing on boundary waters, be sure to watch the video below from the U.S. National Parks Service ## Canoe Camping Trip Preparations Canoe camping takes a healthy dose of dedication. You’ll likely spend more time and energy planning your trip, at least when you’re just getting started, as you spend on the actual trip. But there is one thing you can do all throughout the process to save time and help you get on the water faster — talk to people in the know. ### Talk to the Right People It’s true that canoeists value their solitude. But most of them also like to talk at length about their favorite hobby. So when you’re just starting out, don’t be shy about heading to your local sporting goods or canoe shop to ask some questions. Talk to local paddlers and tell them your ideas about where you want to go canoe camping, or “canoe touring,” as they say. Soak in the priceless tips they offer about the best places to launch, the best places to camp, and any other hard-earned wisdom they feel generous enough to share. When you’re ready to start gearing up for your canoe trip, forming a relationship with a local specialty sporting goods shop staffed by canoeists and kayakers is one of the best moves you can make. While these smaller establishments can’t always beat big box prices, you’ll likely save significantly in the long run by buying the right gear the first time based on expert advice. ### Arranging a Shuttle If you plan on canoe camping on a lake, it will likely be a round-trip journey, starting and ending at the same launch point. But if you decide to float down a river over the course of a few days, you’ll need to arrange for a shuttle. A shuttle will get you and your canoe from your ending point back to your car at the starting point to go home. This is most easily accomplished when two people, each with their own car, go on a canoe trip together. One car is parked at the end of the route; the other is used to drive to the launching point to begin the trip. Then, at the end of the trip, one car is used to drive back to retrieve the other car from the launch point. Arranging a shuttle is one of the biggest logistical matters to address when planning a canoe trip — there’s just no way around it. However, if you don’t want to deal with the hassle, it’s possible in some areas to hire an outfitter to provide a shuttle service for you and your group. You’ll have to call around to find out who offers this service, but the convenience of it could be worth the effort. ### Learn How to Paddle Traveling in a canoe seems easy enough: point the bow downstream and use your paddle to steer clear of rocks and snags. But as it turns out, there’s a whole skill set required to successfully maneuver a canoe in different water conditions. On stillwater, the basic canoe strokes and maneuvers are all you really need. If you plan on touring rivers, however, you’ll need to learn how to read current and react accordingly. There are many ways to learn these skills including online videos, books, and in-person classes from groups such as [American Canoe Association](http://www.americancanoe.org/events/event_list.asp?show=&group=&start=3%2F15%2F2011&end=&view=&cid=3912). ![camoe camping trips tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/canoe-camping-tips.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Canoe camping: Learn how to paddle What’s most important is that you actually take the time to learn how to paddle your canoe before setting off on your trip. Once you get your hands on a canoe, head down to a local pond or lake and put in some hours getting comfortable with the basics. ### Do Your Homework The time leading up to your trip should be spent intently studying the water and surrounding landscape you plan on canoeing. It’s the time to gather maps and books as well as read through any blog or forum posts from others who’ve done similar trips. Try to find out the best time of year to go, safe water levels, tips on where to launch, where to camp, information on portages, and other logistical information. For a more enhanced experience, take some time to learn about the flora and fauna you might encounter. Perhaps the most important piece of homework you’ll need to do before your trip is to find out the regulations affecting the area you plan on canoeing. Call the local authorities — Parks and Recreation departments, Wildlife and Fisheries agencies, BLM agencies, forest rangers, etc. — and tell them you’re planning a canoe camping trip in their area. Ask them to tell you everything you need to know and all the rules you need to follow. Although you can often find this regulatory information on agency websites, calling or visiting in person is the best way to get the most up-to-date information. Plus, they might have some key tips to make your trip even better. ### Make a Safety Plan and Stick to It When proper measures are taken, canoeing is generally a safe activity. But when you’re in the wilderness, accidents can occur. No matter how short or long your trip, you need to have a plan in place so that if something happens, you, and perhaps more importantly, others who can help are ready. A basic safety plan, (called a float plan in canoe lingo) includes letting someone you trust know exactly where you’ll be canoeing and for how long. They’ll know that if they don’t hear from you for a certain amount of time that something happened and they need to alert the authorities. For more in-depth information on creating a float plan, check out this article from [Paddling.com](https://paddling.com/learn/the-float-plan-a-vital-paddling-tool/). ![Canoe trip planning guide](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/pexels-photo-1.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Canoe trip camping gear ## Essential Canoe Camping Gear Now for the fun part: getting the gear. Just as planning the logistics of a canoe camping trip is very involved, the list of canoe camping gear is surprisingly extensive. Keep in mind that your gear selections should be made based on factors such as the duration of the trip, weather, and desired comfort levels. Still, for a successful canoe camping trip, there is a whole host of things you can’t leave shore without. **More:** [How to build a campfire](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/) The good news, however, is that canoes can carry heavy loads — anywhere from 800 to 1,200 pounds. So you won’t have to count ounces to the extent you would if you were backpacking. But don’t go crazy — especially if you have several portages on your trip. We’ll start our list of gear with the most important item of all: the canoe. ### The Canoe — Rent or Buy We won’t go into detail about which specific canoe to buy here. There are literally thousands of models on the market, each with pros and cons. Instead, let’s look at a common query among first-time canoe campers: should you rent or buy a canoe? ### Renting a Canoe If you want to test the waters of the canoe camping life, but aren’t ready to throw down serious cash on a vessel of your own, it’s a great idea to rent a canoe for your first trip or two. If you’re planning a trip in a popular canoe area, you can almost always count on there being canoe outfitters you can rent from for as many days as you’d like. They might even offer a shuttle service. Plan on a canoe rental costing up to $50 or $60 per day, with discounts when you rent multiple canoes. ### Buying a Canoe A good canoe is something that always comes in handy. Although they can get expensive, if you make the investment, you’ll likely find yourself spending a lot more time peacefully floating around local ponds and taking canoe trips whenever you have a couple free days to burn. If well cared for, canoes hold their value well. This is good news if you plan on selling your canoe in the future, but is also a negative if you’re trying to get a good deal on a used canoe. However, if you aren’t in a hurry and know how to spot a good deal, you should be able to find a high quality, affordable used canoe. Whether you plan on buying new or used, try to test paddle as many different canoes as you can before purchasing. Many canoe shops hold demo days on local lakes when customers are invited to come and try their merchandise. You may be inclined to research hull shapes, but ultimately it comes down to how the canoe feels in the water. ### Canoe-Related Items In addition to the canoe, you’ll also need the following items in order to safely paddle: - **Paddles** — One per person plus an extra. - **PFDs (Personal Flotation Devices)** — One per person plus an extra. - **Helmet** — A good idea if you plan on floating rough water. - **Canoe seats** - **Yoke pads for portages** — These attach to the yoke of the canoe for more comfort on long portages. - **Spray covers** — These go over the open top of the canoe to protect your gear from moisture. - **Bailer or Bilge pump** — Used to remove accumulated water from inside the canoe. ![canoe camping gear](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/canoe-camping-grear.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Canoe camping gear ### Camping Gear Once you land at camp for the day, canoe camping is just like any other type of camping. Pitch a tent, build a fire, cook dinner, and sleep. Here’s what you’ll need: - **[Tent or shelter](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/)** - **Sleeping bag** - **Sleeping pad** - **Lanterns** - **Flashlights** - **Headlamps** - **Lighters and other fire starting implements** — Tinder, kindling, fuel wood if necessary. FYI: Amazon has an extensive [canoe camping gear](https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=canoe+camping+gear&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Acanoe+camping+gear&_encoding=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=a583ac7954274e52df7fd2ed5852f4d6&camp=1789&creative=9325) section. It’s a great starting place for planning! ### Your Camp Kitchen One of the major perks of the high weight capacity of a canoe is that you aren’t limited to using lightweight kitchen tools like you are when backpacking. That said, the kitchen tools you bring should be based on what type of food you plan on cooking. If chili out of the can is what you’re serving for every meal, all you’ll need is a can opener and some spoons. But, if you want more options, here’s a good starting list of kitchen implements to bring along: - **Camp stove** — Either a backpacking-style or one or two burner tailgating-style propane stove. - **A set of nesting pots with pot gripper** - **Folding grill if campfires are permitted** - **Plates, mugs, and bowls** — Ideally unbreakable plastic or enameled steel. - **Utensils** — Plastic spatula, stirring spoon or ladle, forks, spoons, knives, and chef’s knife. - **Fillet knife** — If you plan on eating fish you catch. - **Small cutting board** - **Can opener** - **Aluminum foil** - **Coffee maker** — Either a stovetop espresso maker, pour over drip cone, or a pot to make cowboy coffee. - **Water bottles** — One for each person. - **Water purifier** - **Hand towels** — Or paper towels (but don’t litter!) - **Cooler with ice** When it comes to the food you bring, get creative! Without much of a weight restriction and all the cooking tools you could need, you can cook just like you’re at home. Canned items always make for easy meals, and don’t forget to bring sandwich making supplies. No camper ever complained about a stack of beef jerky and salamis and hard cheeses make an excellent riverside snack. ### Clothing The clothing you wear on your canoe trip should be chosen based on the season and the weather. The best advice is to come equipped with plenty of layers as temperatures can fluctuate wildly throughout the day when you’re on the water. Here’s a basic packing list to be prepared for a wide range of conditions: - **Good footwear** — Hard-soled sandals like Chacos, Tevas, or Keens; hiking boots are nice to have if you have long portages over rough terrain. - **Rain gear** — Parka and rain pants if necessary. - **Moisture-wicking T-shirts** - **Sun-protection long sleeve shirts** - **Merino wool base layer** — If canoeing in cold weather. - **Fleece mid layer** - **Sweatshirt or lightweight puffy jacket** - **Shorts** - **Bathing suit** - **Long pants** — Or convertible pants. - **Hat** - **Bandana, buff, or balaclava** ![cannoe trip essentials](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/canoe-essentials-640x381.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Canoe trip: other essentials ### Other Canoe Camping Necessities - **Paper maps** — As a backup even if you have a GPS unit. - **Compass** - **Insect repellent** - **Sunscreen** - **First aid kit** - **Paracord** — At least 50 feet, this stuff comes in handy for everything. - **Toilet paper** - **Hand sanitizer** - **[Fishing Rods](https://guycounseling.com/choose-fishing-rod/)** ### Where and How to Stow All Your Gear Completing a successful canoe camping trip lies in your ability to get you and all your stuff down the river or across the lake dry and in one piece. To do this, dry bags are your best friend. Dry bags are specialized bags made of waterproof material that feature a roll top closure. They come in a wide range of sizes and colors and fit snugly in the bottom of a canoe. Basically, if you’re on the water, anything you don’t want to lose to the river should be stowed away in a dry bag. If you’re planning a trip that involves portaging (carrying the canoe and cargo over land), you should also invest in a portage bag. A portage bag is a large, wide bag with backpack straps that you use to carry all your [dry bags](http://amzn.to/2nZiVQl) while portaging your canoe. While they aren’t practical for use as a normal backpack, they’re ideal for carrying a lot of weight over a short distance. To keep all your gear inside your canoe while paddling, rope and webbing are used to hold everything in. Specialized webbing products are available, but standard nylon rope or paracord works just fine. ## Final Preparations for Canoe Camping After you’ve decided where to go, done your homework, and gathered up all the gear you need, you’re ready to countdown the days until your trip! But there’s one final thing to do before it’s time to shove off — make sure you know how to set up, use, and repair all your gear. Set up your tent in the backyard, make sure your sleeping pad inflates properly, test your camp stove. Practice lashing down your gear in the canoe so that when you’re on the water you won’t have any surprises. Look for any items that could potentially break — headlamps are notorious breakers — and ensure that you have either a backup or the tools to fix it. Ready to start planning a canoe camping trip? If so, you certainly have your work cut out for you… And we hope you enjoy every second of it! — This article was authored by Men’s Culture Outdoor special correspondent, Niklas Isaac. **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Camping, Canoe, Rivers, Tents, Travel, Water, Wilderness --- ### [5 Tips for Getting a Great Barbershop Haircut for Men](https://guycounseling.com/barbershop-haircut-men/) **Published:** April 9, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![barbershop haircut](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/barbershop-haircut.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Useful Barbershop Haircut Tips** Twice a month, I try to visit my barber for a haircut. I’ve been going to him for the past 20 years. He knows me so well, he doesn’t even bother asking me how I want it styled. He just *knows*. It’s always the same; a short crop cut. I’ve always felt that every guy needs a good barber. There’s just something about going to an old-school place and getting your haircut from a tradesman that’s skilled with using clippers, straight razors and clippers. The video below shows Barber Luke giving a classic men’s cut. Notice how adept he is at using tools. It’s like he was born to do this type of work. I’m not saying stylists at the unisex salons can’t do this. Many can. But to my mind, barbershops offer the best options for men who like classic, traditional cuts using blades and shears. **More:** [7 haircut examples for men](https://guycounseling.com/haircuts-for-men-7-great-celebrity-hairstyles/) ## Barbershop Haircut Tips for Guys Sadly, old world barbers are becoming a thing of the [past](http://thesheridanpress.com/traditional-barbering-thing-past-bill-allow-cosmetologists-expand-skills-barbering/). All you have to do is look around and you’ll see many of them disappearing from the American landscape. That’s too bad because their unique craft is truly a form of art. That’s why when you do find a barber you like, it’s important to get to get to know him. Think of it as an investment in yourself and the future that has the potential for yielding results for years to come. Having a good communication with your barber is critical. Doing so will help him give you a *good* haircut. Moreover, he’ll eventually know exactly what your style is without you having to say a word. The majority of barbers are highly experienced. If you follow the following 5 tips, you’ll be able to get a great haircut each and every time. ![fear of intimacy five reasons](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=478%2C303&ssl=1) ## **1. Be Specific** When getting your haircut, you should be as thorough as possible when describing the type of style you want. This is best achieved by knowing the clipper sizes and hair length associated with each number guard. If you just ask for a “trim,” the barber has no idea how much hair you’re talking about. Number guards usually run from 1 to 8 and represent length in inches. For example, a #1 guard is 1/8 of an inch, a #4 guard is 4/8 of an inch, and #8 guard is an inch. By knowing these numbers, you can easily communicate with your barber and let him know exactly what you want. A good description would be: “I would like a number 8 on top, a number 1 on the sides, and tapered in the back.” These instructions let your barber know exactly how to cut your hair and you won’t be in for any surprises when you get home. This also lets your barber know that you understand his job. FYI: If you are getting your beard trimmed because you want the [lumberjack look](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/), use the same approach above. Be specific and tell your barber exactly what you’d like. He won’t laugh at you in front of everyone at the barbershop. Promise! ## **2. Know Your Hair** Not everyone can get the same haircut. Depending on your face and type of hair, you should get a cut that makes you look as good as possible. This is why taking a picture of a celebrity into the barber shop and asking the barber to make you look like that won’t work. Short hairstyles work best for most hair and facial types but if you want a longer cut, you need to be realistic with your expectations. If you have curly red hair and a round face, you probably won’t be able to pull off flattop. You will, however, be able to look great with a brush cut or similar hairstyle. **More:** [How to look handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/) By knowing the type of hairstyle that best fits your head, you’ll be able to consistently get great haircuts and be confident you look good. There is no shame in not being able to get the cut you want. Take some time and find the cut that looks best on you and wear it with pride. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/oc-barber-thy-HsTfAGREM4dji) ## **3. Be His Friend** An often-overlooked aspect of going to the barbershop is chatting with your barber. A lot of men don’t like doing this and want the barber to stay quiet and cut their hair. But, if you open up to your barber and ask him questions about his day, you’ll make a friend. This is important because your friend is not going to mess up your hair. By building a relationship with your barber, you’re going to guarantee he takes his time with your haircut. I realize a lot of men are in a rush and want to be in and out of the barbershop as quick as possible, but this isn’t always a good idea. If you sit in the chair and tell the barber to hurry it up, you’re not going to get a quality cut. You don’t have to be his best friend in the entire world, but you should at least know each other’s names, favorite beer, and who you’re rooting for in the big game. Every once in a while you can even bring him a little gift like a six-pack or a t-shirt. This lets him know you’re not just his client, but also his buddy. ## **4. Tip Well and Don’t Complain** Always tip your barber and tip him well — no matter what. Barbers are human beings and will mess up from time to time, but as long as it’s nothing major, don’t complain about it and leave him the usual tip. If you’re one of those guys that complains about a stray hair, the barber is going to remember you as the jerk who is a perfectionist. Nobody has a perfect haircut and neither should you. As long as 99% of your hair looks good, it’s fine. Don’t be the customer who goes out of his way to leave a smaller tip just because your sideburn is a little crooked. If you have built a solid friendship with your barber, he’ll take care of it without you having to tell him. The amount you should tip depends on how much the haircut costs. Most barbershops charge between $20.00 – $25.00 and a $5 tip is customary. If you can afford it, I encourage you to tip more. If you were to go to a fancy hair salon, a haircut alone will set you back $50. Tip your barber and tip him well. ## **5. Stick to a Routine** Perhaps the most important thing you can do when going to the barbershop is be consistent. You should mark your calendar every month and set apart some time to spend at the barbershop. Every two weeks works for the majority of men with short hairstyles but it’s not uncommon for someone to go every week. You should also stick with the same hairstyle for long periods of time. If you go in there and ask for a different look every visit, the barber will think you’re crazy and not want to cut your hair. And if the barber doesn’t want to cut your hair, he’s not going to do a good job. Going to the barbershop is more than just getting a haircut. It’s a chance for you to spend quality time with other men — something that is essential for your well-being. You should look at your haircuts as an opportunity to become a better person each time you walk out of the shop and with these tips you are certain to accomplish that goal. ## **Summing Things Up  Finding a barber to give you a good haircut can be tough. When you do spot one, it’s in your best interest to keep him. Over the course of time, he’ll get to know who you and the type of style that works best for your needs. Hopefully, the barbershop haircut tips I’ve offered here will do you right. I’d like to offer a word of thanks to the professionals at *[Corner Barbershop](http://www.cornerbarbershopchicago.com/)* in Chicago. Without their expert advice, I would not have been able to put together this article. **Categories:** Grooming & Style, Guy Files **Tags:** Barber, Barbershop, Beard, Beard Trimming, body hair, Hair, Hair Styles, haircuts for men, Men's hair, Men's haircuts --- ### [How to Protect Yourself Against a Wolf Attack While Outdoors](https://guycounseling.com/wolf-attack/) **Published:** April 7, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![wolf attack](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/wolf-attack.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ## Wolf Attack Prevention Many people have a fear of running into in wolf outdoors. But, contrary to popular belief, wolves very rarely attack or even approach human beings. Most of the available research suggests they stay far away from people and the places they congregate; like campgrounds and hiking trails. However, while most wolves generally stick to this pattern of behavior, there are a [rare few](http://www.hcn.org/issues/315/16084) that may lose their natural fear of people and find themselves wandering into places you don’t want to see them. Here, I’m talking about a running trail, campsite or even your backyard. Again, it doesn’t happen often. But there have been reported cases of wolves (and coyotes) showing up in unexpected places. Check out the video below. What’s important to keep in mind is you are dealing with a wild animal. They can turn aggressive and may even attack if feeling nervous, threatened or scared. That’s why it’s important to keep the following tips in mind if you want to keep yourself and those you love safe. ![wolf attacks](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/wolf-attacks.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Wolves will attack if they feel threatened ## **How to Keep Wolves Away** You can easily steer clear of wolves and prevent an attack by being mindful that you are out in the wilderness.  An excellent way to do this is by focusing on your [situational survival skills](https://guycounseling.com/situational-awareness-skills-exercises/) and staying keenly aware of your surroundings. If you are [camping](https://guycounseling.com/fire-building-skills/), then the best way to keep wolves away is to clean up after yourself once you are done eating. Dispose all food and other refuse far away from your campsite. Leaving it out is like leaving an open invitation to wolves and wildlife critters. FYI: Wolves have a highly developed sense of smell. They will walk for hours in search of food, using their nose as a guide. If you’ve thrown out a piece of chicken or half a hamburger, there’s a good chance a wolf can smell it as far away as a mile. Speaking of smell, wolves are extremely good at detecting other animals, particularly ones that aren’t part of their pack. To keep it real, this means they can smell your dog. That’s why I encourage you to keep an eye on your pets when outdoors. This goes for the kids, too. When camping or [hiking](https://guycounseling.com/hiking-camping-dogs-tips/), don’t let them wander off. Wolves specifically look for animals that are alone and vulnerable. ## Wolf Attacks and Dogs There have been cases where wolves go after dogs and kill them. The video below shows a series of brutal wolf attacks on domestic canines. Not easy to watch so I am just giving you fair warning. ## **What to Do If a Wolf Approaches You** If you see a wolf from far away and it doesn’t see you, or if it does see you but makes no motions to come towards you, it’s important to back away and get out of the area. If, however, the wolf begins to approach and act aggressively, then you need to be ready to stand your ground. First, make sure to bring your group together and scoop up small children from the ground. If there is a hungry wolf in the area, he’ll go after the easy targets first. I’m not saying this to scare you. There was a case not too many years ago where a five year old was killed by a [hybrid wolf](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009147/Kyle-Holland-5-died-partially-eaten-wolf-dog-Lincoln-Park.html). Second, you need to fight your instinct to run, as this will only encourage the wolf’s natural chase impulse. Instead, wave your arms to make yourself appear as large as possible, making a lot of noise while you’re at it. Yell and holler – make sure the wolf and everyone else hears you. If possible, look for rocks, wood and even dirt. You can use these as throwing weapons should the wolf get too close.  Don’t worry about injuring the animal. Remember, this is your [survival](https://guycounseling.com/backpacking-tips-wilderness-hiking/) we’re talking about. If you are in bear country and you’re carrying a canister of [repellent](http://amzn.to/2ohWPYq), use it on the wolf without reservation. Once you have disabled the animal, don’t wait around to check on its welfare. Instead, walk away. Your goal isn’t to kill. Instead, it’s to buy yourself enough time to escape. Make sense? ![alpha wolf](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/wolf-1.jpg?resize=509%2C339&ssl=1)Wolf Attacks ## **What to Do If a Wolf Attacks** If the wolf continues its advance and begins to attack and you don’t have any weapons (or have exhausted them) don’t make the mistake of playing dead. That may be great advice for bear attacks but wolves are different. That’s because their instincts are different. Wolves take a “kill first” approach, meaning they take down prey as fast as possible with deadly force. Should a wolf initiate an attack on you, the most important thing to do is fight back. With as much focus as possible, go after the wolf’s sensitive snout. Punch it, kick it or do whatever else is necessary to inflict pain. Other sensitive areas are the wolf’s legs, feet and ears. If you can get your hands on a stick, use it on his vulnerable areas, do it. Once you start striking him, the wolf will most likely break off his attack and leave the area. ## **Summing Things Up** It’s very unlikely you will ever be attacked by a wolf. The same holds true for coyotes. What is possible is spotting a wolf that’s on the hunt for food. Most of the time, once he sees you, he’ll run away. But if that wolf is hungry enough or feels threatened, he could attack. Make sure you are ready. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1440579776&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1440579776/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1440579776&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=3333893231096c2f230961fa9321190d)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1440579776) **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Attack, Camping, Survival, Wild Animals, Wilderness, Wolf --- ### [Ryan Phillippe: A Closer Look at the Man and His Background](https://guycounseling.com/ryan-phillippe-facts/) **Published:** April 5, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![yan Phillippe Shirt Tie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Ryan-Phillippe-Shirt-Tie.jpg?resize=567%2C378&ssl=1) ## **Ryan Phillippe Facts** If you had to make a list of Hollywood actors who are synonymous with the 1990s, [Ryan Phillippe ](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000202/)would undoubtedly be right at the top. He was front and center in the “sexy teen film” genre revival that spanned the decade, starring in both “I Know What You Did Last Summer” AND “Cruel Intentions.” He was also married to Reese Witherspoon, a perennial 90s “IT” girl in her own right. Beyond all that, however, he’s actually led a pretty interesting career and life that most people don’t know enough about. Below are 10 facts about Ryan Phillippe that you probably don’t already know. FYI: If you are curious about his unique sounding last name, you wouldn’t be alone. He shared the following with *Parade Magazine* back in 2008: “We have French origins but ended up in Tennessee.” ## **Guy File: Ryan Phillipe** **Birthday:** September 10, 1974 **Birthplace:** New Castle, DE **Height:** 5’9 **Eye Color:** [Deep Blue](https://guycounseling.com/blue-eyes-learn-about-the-origins-of-people-blue-eyes/) ## **1. He Was in the Funniest Movie in 20 Years** If you haven’t already watched the movie “MacGruber,” based on the series of SNL sketches of the same name, go ahead and watch it. We’ll wait. Give Netflix a try, or if it isn’t there rent it on iTunes or Amazon or something. Or, you know what? Just buy it – it’s worth it. Though the movie came and went at the box office with little fanfare, it is pound for pound probably the single funniest movie to hit theaters in, well, a long time. Ryan Phillippe played a huge part in it, playing the “straight man” to Will Forte’s tornado of jokes that is the title character. **More:** [Learn about actor Chris Pine](https://guycounseling.com/chris-pine-girlfriend-height-workout-body-type/) Phillippe gets to show off his comedic chops and they are STRONG. Here’s hoping he gets another chance to reprise his role in the sequel that, as of yet, has not been made. ## **2. He’s Been Around Longer Than You Think** Even though Phillippe first burst onto the scene as one of the many, many teen stars of the hit horror film “I Know What You Did Last Summer,” this wasn’t his first entry into the world of acting. Phillippe career actually began in 1992 after getting signed to a management company in New Jersey. His first major role came in the form of the ABC daytime drama “One Life to Live,” which he managed to hang onto for a full year. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BPYBqnsBnaE/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **3. His Resume Is Better Than You Probably Think It Is** When someone is so synonymous with the 1990s, you probably assume the same thing about Ryan Phillippe that you do a lot of other actors in his generation – “boy he sure was in a lot of trash, wasn’t he.” While this is true, he’s also been in a ton of heavy hitters. He worked with Robert Altman on “Gosford Park” and was even in “Crash,” which would go on to inexplicably win Best Picture in 2005. ## **4. He Co-Hosted WWE Raw** As part of the (quite frankly) bizarre marketing campaign for the aforementioned “MacGruber,” Phillippe spent an evening in 2010 hosting WWE Raw. The only thing weirder than that is the fact that his co-hosts for the event were Jonathan Swift (alright, no problem there) and Charo (… wait, what?). ## **5. He’s a Baseball Fan** Many people don’t realize that Ryan Phillippe is an unabashed baseball fan. He even named his son with Reese Witherspoon Deacon, after one of his ancestors – Deacon Phillippe who pitched for the Pittsburgh Pirates at the turn of the previous century. ## **6. The Sean Price Connection** When you look at Ryan Phillippe, you probably don’t immediately “I’ll bet he’s a rap fan.” You’d be forgiven, but you’d also be wrong. Phillippe was even very close friends of the Brooklyn-born rapper Sean Price. After Price unfortunately passed away in the summer of 2015, Phillippe even got a tattoo in his honor. ## **7. He’s Struggled with Depression** When you look at a guy as successful as Ryan Phillippe, it’s natural to think “man, that guy has it all.” This is especially true if you happen to be looking at him in, oh, say 1999 or so. But things aren’t all wine and roses in the Phillippe household – he’s actually been suffering from [depression](https://guycounseling.com/7-types-depression-might-surprise/) since a very early age. He describes himself as a sad person who is also very empathetic, something of a perfect storm in terms of someone’s sensitivity to depression. See video above from E-News. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BOmeNT7AFwO/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) ## **8. Even Ryan Doesn’t Like Most of His Movies** Alright, it’s time to address the elephant in the room – while we’ve already established that Phillippe has a lot of hits on his resume, he certainly seems to have been practicing the mantra of “quantity over quality” for much of his career. One of his harshest critics in that regard is, interestingly, himself. “I’ve made 30+ films over 20 years” he told the Los Angeles Times. “In my opinion, five of them are good. You want to make something great and a lot of times you end up disappointed.” Perhaps that’s a little harsh, but to be fair – he’s not totally wrong. He IS often the best thing about bad movies, so he’s got that going for him. ## **9. He’s Been in Music Videos** Just when you think you’ve found all of the interesting little nooks and crannies in Phillippe’s career, something else pops up that really makes you go “… HUH?” Case in point: he’s been in more than one music video over the years, beginning with Placebo’s “Every You Every Me” in 1999. Though that one can be explained because it was on the “Cruel Intentions” soundtrack, he also played the role of a TV host for Outkast in their “Hey Ya” music video in 2004. ## **10. He’s an Eternal Optimist** Despite the fact that Phillippe suffers from depression, he does seem to have something of an optimistic streak inside him. For proof of this, look no farther than his divorce from Reese Witherspoon… and the fact that the two somehow didn’t even consider getting a prenuptial agreement before getting hitched, this despite the fact that they were both hugely successful at the time. That’s one rookie mistake he probably won’t make again. They did manage to work out joint custody of their two kids, so that’s nice. ![Ryan Phillippe handsome](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/ryan-phillipe-flannel.jpg?resize=533%2C389&ssl=1 "Ryan Phillippe ")Ryan Phillippe Grooming ## **Bonus: Ryan Phillipe Info** ## **Workouts** According to an interview given by Phillipe’s personal trainer to *Men’s Health*, Phillipe uses a combination type resistance training and cardio approach to staying fit. The core of his plan seems to center on [Plyometric type exercises](https://guycounseling.com/plyometrics-exercises-explained/) focused on building speed and power. What’s impressive about Mr. Phillipe is his ability to remain focused on achieving fitness goals. Remember, he’s not a 20-something year old. Because men lose around 5% of muscle mass per year after 35, he’s very likely doing intense weight training at least 3 times per week to compensate. ## **Ryan Phillipe Grooming Routine** Phillipe now doubt focuses on self-care. On some level, this is required for all men who struggle with depression. In terms of his career, he joins several other male celebrities who realize their success is uniquely linked to their personal appearance. I’ve studies Ryan’s appearance and viewed public photographs over a time span that covers 10 years. While I don’t have inside knowledge, it’s fair to say that he engages in a regular skincare routine. My best guess is that he engages in a [lumbersexual approach to grooming](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/).  This means close attention to his facial hair and skin. Because Ryan is in his 40’s, I suspect he uses some type of hair product that preserves or deposits colors. I’m not saying he dyes his hair (even if he does – so what!). What I am suggesting is that he likely has some type of rinse that camouflages the greys and brings out natural color.  John Frieda makes a product just for guys like Ryan called *Color Gloss*. Check [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2ndcEjL) for product information and pricing. > [View this post on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BRtygQMAlkR/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading) In order for Ryan to continue keeping his youthful appearance, he’ll want to stay with whatever he’s doing on the anti-aging front. I suspect part of what he’s mindful of (a lot) is preventing sun damage. Additionally, because of his fair skin, Ryan’s also likely [minimizing dark spots](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) through basic maintenance. ## Summing Things up Ryan Phillipe is a gifted actor who has managed to stay relevant for many years. Not an easy task when one considers how competitive things are in Hollywood. His personal story is compelling. Thanks for taking the time to read this post. Be sure to LIKE Men’s culture on Facebook! **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** Actors, Anti-Aging, Celebrities, Ryan Phillippe, Skin Care --- ### [10 Bass Fishing Tips for Freshwater Outdoorsman](https://guycounseling.com/bass-fishing-tips/) **Published:** March 26, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![bass fishing tips](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/bass-fishing-tips-for-guys.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Bass Fishing Tips We all relish the time that we get to spend with fishing. Our night before is filled with organizing tackle, checking the line, and inventorying our gear. We rise early with smiles on our faces, and a little more joy in our hearts than we do on a work day. Whether alone, with friends, or spending the day with the kids, the goals are the same; relax, and catch fish. And if you’re a lake dweller, you know that there is a five pound bass waiting for you to wake up so you can start the day together. So why not take advantage of the little time you have, and exploit every bit of experience and knowledge being passed on from those before us. **More:** [Wilderness survival skills](https://guycounseling.com/7-wilderness-survival-skills-men/) What I have tried to compile for you here, is years of sitting around the campfire, picking the minds of the most seasoned fishermen I know. Discussing casting techniques, experimenting to find the most effective lures, and finding those elusive hotspots anytime of the year. Distinguishing myths and rumors from facts and proven tricks of the trade, I’ve created, and are happy to share with you, my top ten bass fishing tips. FYI: If you’ve never bass fished before, you are in for a real treat. ## **What’s Your Line?** The fishing aisle at any store starts with your fishing line. The choices can be mind boggling, and you’re left trying to explain to your kids why each is different, hoping to hit the answer on the nose. We’re setting up three poles for our next trip, and each will be rigged differently for specific styles. First is [*fluorocarbon line*](http://amzn.to/2nkQpFv). Fluorocarbon is ideal for lures that you want to work the bottom with. This heavier line has a better reaction for soft lures, like worms, grubs and the sort. The line is transparent and much harder for the bass to see. Our second pole is geared up with *monofilament*. This thin, light line is best suited for topwater lures and baits because it floats more easily than other lines. It helps make a great presentation of reaction baits, and has more stretch to it. This allows the bass to take it in its mouth better. Ultimately monofilament line is a great choice for lures that you can work along the top of the water. Third is *braided line*. Braided line is the heaviest of the three lines we’re discussing. It is usually the strongest of the three lines as well. It is easier for the bass to see in the water. **More:** [Outdoor survival tent options](https://guycounseling.com/survival-tent-options-emergency-shelter/) This rig setup is ideal for jigging and working areas of your lake that are heavy with vegetation. Another consideration with braided lines, is to add a leader of fluorocarbon line to the end. This will give you the benefit of the sturdy braid line, coupled with the transparency of the fluorocarbon line, increasing the appeal for those structure dwelling lunkers. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1)10 Bass Fishing Tips ## 1. Check Your Calendar Your calendar has just as much impact on helping you reach your goals as the time of the day that you go out. Water temperatures and spawning cycles will determine if you are going to meet those goals. Usually early in the season they are hitting on opaque crawfish. Later in the year the bass are more apt to strike on shad and silver minnows. In colder months you will find that the bass are searching out shallow water where the pools will warm up quicker than deeper spots. Also, if you know where natural springs are feeding into the lake, the water is usually about 10 degrees warmer feeding in there, than the rest of the lake. This attracts the shad, and the shad attract the bass. They’ll be lining up for you. ## 2. Meteorologists Bass are sensitive to the weather. When storms are imminent, the bass become stirred and more active by the high pressure system that leads the way. When its beautiful and sunny out, the bass find comfortable spots to chill out, and be docile. Remember that bass typically like low pressure and warm water. ## 3. Size Matters Two types of bass that you’re searching for include the Largemouth, and the Smallmouth bass. The Largemouth are named such, because, well, they have a large mouth. They also have an appetite and eating style of a teenage boy. They will eat anything, as long as it fits in their mouth. This includes mice, snakes, turtles, and lizards among other delectable morsels. If you are on the hunt for the Largemouth specifically, work larger lures. If you are in small mouth territory, you may come up empty using the larger lures. My suggestion is to work with smaller lures and bait if you are in unfamiliar territory. The Largemouth and Smallmouth will hit on both. ## 4. Casting. Aside from the usual overhand cast there are a couple of other techniques that will help. First is the Pitch. Simply release some line, about a rod length, and then lock the line in place. Grab a hold of the lure in your free hand, keeping the rod in the other. Pull on the line, creating just a little tension. Release the line, while in the same motion flipping the rod forward, while releasing the line from the reel for a second time. Next is Flipping. With flipping you can be more precise with your efforts. Release, about 20 feet of line, or the desired amount to reach your intended target. Lock the line in place. Grab a hold of the line and rod with one hand, and allow the lure to swing the line back and forth. Swing the lure towards your intended target. With a little practice you will consistently hit your mark, you should be able to perfect this method shortly. ## 5.  Do a Little Jig Bass in prespawn situations, will nestle down in the rocks within the lake. They’ll typically stack up at depths of 10-15 feet, feeding off of the crayfish that are living along the rocks. Using a black and/or blue jig should yield some positive results. Dance along the rocks with your jig setup, up to ½ ounce in size, and you’ll find the fat females while they’re soaking up the warm water. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/funny-QM5GJO6J8lDfa) ## 6. Spawning This is the time when the females will drop their eggs. Usually they drop along a rocky area that offers some protection to the eggs, or in a shallow part of the lake. They will “bed” their eggs for a male to come and fertilize them. A shallow rocky area, away from the wind in early spring is consistent with the bass’ spawning habits. The shallow pools stay warm, the wind is down, and food along the rocks is plentiful. After a couple of passes with your lure, ideally a crayfish, black with blue and silver speckles, a couple of these spawning mommas will take your lure out of spite. ## 7. Against The Wind I once fished with a guide who stood up in his chair, and inhaled deeply with the wind blowing at us. He exclaimed, ‘they’re coming towards us boys, I smell ‘em’! I didn’t smell ‘em, but we caught a couple quickly. The secret he said was that the bass swam with the current naturally. Also the vibrations from the boat carried away with the current, more than against the current. Anytime you can mask sounds, (especially from kids), the better off you are. Bass are typically lazy, however, and would prefer to find “comfortable” spots to rest. So, look to fish the leeward side of various structure like lilly pads, fallen trees or mis-lake land masses. ## 8. If at first you don’t succeed…… Bass are a smart breed of fish, and a patient fish at that. Don’t give up after a couple of passes across their bed. They are checking you out, counting on the human impatience to walk away and try somewhere new. If you feel confident that you know the fish is there, cast a little to the right, a little to the left, and in front of them. If for no other reason they will bite just to make you go away. Then you set, and reel in. ## 9. Damaged Lures Some fishermen that we visited with told us stories about painting red dots on their lures to make bass believe that they could get an easy meal gulping down an injured prey. Others will tell you that bass don’t think that way. One thing that has been tested, is that the bass can distinguish the red on a lure. Whether they think its blood or not is another question. Either way they will bite on it. Don’t stop there. Often times you find a damaged lizard or crayfish left over in your tackle box. Legs missing, cuts in the body, shredded worms of failed casts from days gone by. Take these damaged tidbits, and make them dance awkwardly on the lake bottom. Bass love to take advantage of wounded adversaries, and jump, literally at the chance. From the storied fishermen we discussed, the overwhelming majority have had good success with these throw away lures. ## 10. Livewells One final takeaway. Often anglers will keep their catch in a livewell. Researchers have found that too often oxygen levels are not as high as they should be in livewells. Your boat should have a large enough livewell to maintain your intended daily limit. Ensuring that aerators are running enough to bring in fresh water frequently will improve the fish’s conditions. Often times when a bass is deposited in a livewell, it will begin to regurgitate things that it has eaten that day. A quick once over will tell you the colors they are finding enticing right then, and it’ll define which specific snack they are most apt to strike in that area. ## Summing Things Up In all spending a day on the lake searching for that perfect lunker with your friends, or your kids is guaranteed to create long lasting memories, and probably a few learned tips that you’ll share with other friends and family. Keep your tips up! [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1517384206&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1517384206/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1517384206&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=d0537c29774c0a20fd6bbdf8f4120ef1)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1517384206) **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Bass Fishing, Fishing, Lakes, nature, Outdoors, Outdoorsman, TIps --- ### [Men’s Grooming Kit Options: Toiletry, Dopp and Shaving Bags Made Simple](https://guycounseling.com/mens-grooming-kit-options/) **Published:** March 3, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![mens grooming kit and dopp bag](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/mens-grooming-kit.jpg?resize=570%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Men’s Grooming Kit Choices Made Easy** Are you searching for a **men’s grooming kit**? Trying to find a toiletry bag to hold shaving gear and other personal care items? Not sure where to start? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you’ve come to the right place. Here’s the deal: there’s a ton of kits on the market. So many in fact that trying to pick something can be overwhelming. And to complicate matters, the term “*men’s grooming kit*” is completely subjective. Some guys call them dopp kits, other men call them grooming kits and still others, shaving kits. Confused yet? No need to stress. That’s why I prepared this guide. My hope is to help you identify the specific kit for your needs so that you feel confident when making a purchase. Before we get too far into everything, I’d like to share with you a story. ## **My Grooming Kit Story** Not long ago, I was in need of a grooming kit. I was traveling to California for a conference and realized that my old toiletry bag had gone missing. I don’t know if I left it in a hotel on a prior trip or if I had simply misplaced it. All I knew was it was gone. Frantically, I found myself trying to search for a replacement. But the more I searched, the more frustrated I became. I remember at some point saying to myself, “Why there isn’t a basic men’s grooming kit?!” Ultimately, I found what I needed but it took a lot of time. Talk about being stressed out! After that California trip, I promised myself to pen this piece so that nobody else would have go through what I did. ![mens dopp bag](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/dopp-3.jpg?resize=570%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s Grooming Kit choices Before we continue, you’re probably wondering who I am? It’s pretty simple. I’m a guy just like you that uses things like [razors, beard trimmers, moisturizers](https://www.amazon.com/gp/search?ie=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=271ddfb7605976fcb87d1ef1e8947b90&camp=1789&creative=9325&index=hpc&keywords=Men's%20Luxury%20Grooming) and all the rest. I’m also a men’s counselor and educator. And believe it or not, the topic of personal care comes up often with my clients. For reasons I’ll share in a bit, men don’t talk about these issues with each other. But they will with me because they know it’s totally confidential. Now let’s move on to why you are here – the grooming kits. ## **In this article, you will learn:** - A working definition of a men’s grooming kit. - Three types of grooming kits on the market. - What’s typically inside of each bag. - How to choose the right kit for your needs. - How to build your own dopp/grooming kit. ![Men's toilitry bag](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/toilitry-bag-1.jpg?resize=570%2C381&ssl=1)Men’s toiletry bag As part of this piece, I’ll also share some information to help make choosing a men’s toiletry bag easier. ## **What Is a Men’s Grooming Kit?** This may seem like a silly question but if you ask ten guys their definition of a men’s grooming kit, you will probably get ten different answers. The reason? As I mentioned earlier, men typically don’t talk about personal care items. Chalk it up male machismo I guess. It’s just the reality of guy culture. Recent research published in a peer reviewed [journal](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0969698911000634) confirms that men struggle when it comes to discussing things like face care products and shaving creams. Even manly stuff like the [best colognes](https://guycounseling.com/best-cologne-men-list/) are considered taboo. It’s all part of the bro code; a 25-cent term for topics guys don’t discuss. Personally, I think it’s silly but that’s just what way it is. In fact, it was the “bro code” that acted as a barrier to me finding information when I needed my kit. So guess what – I’m breaking it now. Here’s my working definition of a men’s grooming kit. Men’s Grooming Kit: *A bag that is designed to hold men’s personal care items.* *Sometimes referred to as a dopp kit.* Pretty simple, huh? OK, let’s continue. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/grooming-ifXjGEOHrwNig) ## **Three Types of Kits** As you probably know, grooming kits aren’t all the same. Some hold shaving gear. Others hold toiletries and still others contain “incidentals”. After spending a great deal of time doing research, I’ve broken these kits down into three distinct categories. ## Men's Grooming Kits by Type | Kit Type | Trait | |---|---| | [Shaving Kits](https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dluxury-beauty&field-keywords=men%27s+shaving+kit&_encoding=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=6863d73fdc5c485c12bc4247322b0e7c&camp=1789&creative=9325) | Come pre-packaged | | [Travel Kits](https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dluxury-beauty&field-keywords=men%27s+travel+kit&rh=n%3A7175545011%2Ck%3Amen%27s+travel+kit&_encoding=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=60345d390bbe045801faa6e232fda574&camp=1789&creative=9325) | Come pre-packaged | | [Dopp Bags](https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Dluxury-beauty&field-keywords=dopp+bag+for+men&rh=n%3A7175545011%2Ck%3Adopp+bag+for+men&_encoding=UTF8&tag=guycounseling-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=31fce03fbc171237c812c312ea805f86&camp=1789&creative=9325) | May or may not be pre-packaged | ## **How to Choose the Right Kit** Knowing what type of men’s grooming kit you need is half the battle. So here are a few questions to ask yourself. Use these as a refection tool before buying anything. - What do I need the kit for (travel, gift, shaving? - Do I need disposable kit or one I can keep stocking with supplies? - How often will I use the kit? - How long will I use the kit? - How much room do I need? Let’s take a look at each of the three to gain better insight. This will help you to make the right choice for your needs.I’ve taken the liberty of including the best kit for each category, based on extensive research. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B0046GEJY2&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0046GEJY2/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0046GEJY2&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=15b27526eb00785dc89e4988329a9746)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0046GEJY2) ## **1. Men’s Shaving Kit** These kits usually have razors, shaving balms and a lathering brush. Some high quality ones come with a pre-shave oil and an aftershave balm. Here’s what you need to know. Most shaving kits come in boxes and not bags. Yep, this means almost all of them are designed for to be given as a gift or used as a [men’s stocking filler](https://guycounseling.com/gifts-guys-50-good-man-gifts/). If you are in the market for this type of product, you’ll find lots of choices out there. I can tell you from experience that one of the best ones you can buy is from the folks at the *Art of Shaving* (AOS). Inside the box, they pack in high quality items with handcrafted accessories that include: - Pre-shave oil - Shaving cream - Shaving brush - Aftershave balm Here’s the thing about the AOS kit – the grooming products they include are things guys love. I’m talking about cedar scented oils and creams with razors that are designed to prevent bumps and nicks. I was given this shaving kit a decade ago by a family member and have found myself replacing it each year. Why? Because it’s an awesome kit! [Check Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2lBH8XJ) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B0019IJYU4&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0019IJYU4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0019IJYU4&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=d882466d4f5aabb6ffe88761aeb56197)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B0019IJYU4) ## **2. Travel Kit** Just like the name implies, travel kits are designed for men on the move. Inside the bag, you’ll find a variety of grooming items. We’re talking disposable razors, deodorant, comb, toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving gel plus shampoo and conditioner. There’s usually extra room for other items too, like a portable beard trimmer, aftershave cream or bottles of medication. An excellent example of this can be found in the *Man on the Go* Travel Kit that available on Amazon. Here’s why I like this particular product – its TSA compliant. This makes it easy to throw into a suitcase for last minute travel. I’ve got several in my closet so that I can grab one should the need arise. Inside this kit, you’ll find: - Small can of shaving gel - Razor - Toothbrush w/toothpaste - Shampoo/conditioner - Comb - Palm brush - Deodorant - Tissue pack In all, there are 11 pieces in the kit. And there’s even a small amount of room to tuck in medications, etc. An excellent choice too for any man needing something for the gym. Also great as a Father’s Day gift or a college student. [Check Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2m9jg0R) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00ETPB4QG&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ETPB4QG/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00ETPB4QG&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=5a965a650581873ab153503edd8b91d2)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00ETPB4QG) ## **3. Men’s Personal Care Kit (Dopp Kit)** These types of kits are designed to hold a variety of men’s grooming supplies. Mostly, they carry things like facial moisturizers, toners, body washes, shave creams and balms. If you are looking for something portable and pre-packed that comes in a bag, I highly recommend Baxter’s Deluxe Kit.  I personally think of it as a dopp bag because of what it contains. Here’s what’s inside the kit: - Daily face wash - Oil free moisturizer - Shaving formula - Aftershave balm - High protein shampoo - Pocket comb - Shave brush - Lip Balm I’ve used this on the fly and I’ve always given as a gift. Baxter is well known for the excellent men’s grooming supplies they make. [Check Amazon for Pricing](http://amzn.to/2lZlZcA) [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B00TKIHCRM&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00TKIHCRM/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00TKIHCRM&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=3544d164e14af47133255b5e69a789aa)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B00TKIHCRM) ## **How to Build Your Own Grooming Kit** Now that you’ve learned about the three types of kits, I’m going to make an argument about why it might be a smart idea to build your own. This is particularly true if you use a lot of different tools for grooming, like [lumersexual men](https://guycounseling.com/lumbersexual-look-style-grooming-guide/). First, all men’s grooming kits/dopp bags contain a limited supply of product. If you are traveling for an extended period of time or if you want something to use for the gym on a regular basis, building your own is the way to go. FYI: This will probably save you money in the long run. If you’ve never built your own toiletries bag, there’s no time like the present. But I’m here to tell you that creating your own is a process that requires careful consideration. For starters, you are going to need is a men’s toiletry bag. There are many of these to choose from. In fact, if you walk into department store and you’ll find a boatload of them. But here’s the thing guys – most of them suck! I say this because in my experience, a lot of the bags aren’t big enough to carry grooming supplies men typically use. Worse, they’re made from crappy material that easily falls apart. I’ve looked around at a lot of toiletry bags and the best one I’ve found is the Vertelli [Leather Toiletry Bag](http://amzn.to/2m69pIv) for men. This is an awesome bag because it has lots of room for personal care items! I personally use this bag and am very happy with it. It’s made of genuine, high quality leather and is very durable. It also has two large separate zip compartments. Inside, it’s water resistant. You even get a pair of 2oz travel bottles. Finally, the bag itself looks really cool! [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B001L29VJC&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001L29VJC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001L29VJC&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=4fb839e2b41061a256bffd0e53cb69af)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B001L29VJC) ## **What Should I Put In My Kit?** Guys, that’s the 64,000 question, isn’t it? Because each of us have needs, there’s no right or wrong way to go about this. What I’m going to do is simplify things by listing out what is commonly placed in most dopp bags. The information is anecdotal in nature and based off conversations I’ve had with men. You can use as a check list for your own needs. **FYI:** Don’t forget to pick up a men’s manicure set that has clippers, tweezers, nail file and grooming scissors. You’ll be surprised at how much you reach for these. If you want something specifically made for men, consider picking up [The Tool Kit](http://amzn.to/2loDWmn) from Anthony Logistics. I have this one in my dopp bag and use if often. ## **Typical Men’s Toiletry Bag Essentials:** - Razors - Shaving cream - Hair brush - Hair gel - [Men’s face care products](https://guycounseling.com/facial-care-men-tips/) - Portable beard trimmer - [Body groomer for manscaping](https://guycounseling.com/shave-pubic-area-men/) - Q-Tips - Portable Hair Dryer - Cologne/Aftershave - Toothpaste - Toothbrush - Mouthwash - Small body moisturizer - Shampoo/Conditioner - Pain relievers (Tylenol) - Personal medications - Men’s manicure set - Other personal items ## **Final Thoughts** Grooming kits for men are everywhere. Hopefully, this article helped you think about which type of kit works bests for your needs. Thanks for stopping by! ## **Related Men’s Grooming Articles:** [How to get rid of dark spots on face for men](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/) [Tips to get rid of wrinkles for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) [Get rid of baggy eyes for guys](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/) — References: McNeil, L. Douglas, K. *Retailing Masculinity* (2011). Journal of Retailing and Consumer Services. **Categories:** Grooming & Style **Tags:** Dopp Bag, Gifts, Grooming, Men's Grooming Kit, Razors, Shaving, Travel Kitt --- ### [10 Signs You Need More Protein for Men You Might Not Know](https://guycounseling.com/10-telltale-signs-need-protein-men/) **Published:** January 8, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/man-flexing.jpg?resize=624%2C370&ssl=1)** ## **Are you getting enough protein?** Protein is an important compound required for all living organisms. It gives us energy, heals our wounds and is important for building muscle. While vital to both sexes, men need more protein than women, according to most credible [research](http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/35/1/6.short) studies. This point is particularly true for guys who are interested in packing on muscle. ## **In this article, you will learn:** - What protein is - How this compound works in the body - Amount of protein active men need - Protein myths - Signs you may not be getting enough protein - Risk factors for low protein levels - Dietary suggestions for protein intake - Protein supplement information I’ve tried to write this in a way that keeps the clinical jargon to a minimum. Additionally, wherever possible, resources for more information have been provided for greater insight. Let’s jump right in! [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/CB2PWEZMXs27S) ## **WHAT IS PROTEIN?** *Protein* is a class of nitrogen containing compounds that are formed by mostly long chain amino acids. These chemical compounds preform a number of functions that are responsible for sustaining life. Common functions of protein include: - Serving as the major structural components of cells. - Repairing, rebuilding and maintaining body tissues. - Help to maintain blood pressure. - Integrating themselves into anti-bodies for disease prevention. - Production of energy in the body. - Repairing and rebuilding muscle mass. - Functioning as a building block for seminal fluid. ## **HOW MUCH PROTEIN TO MEN NEED?** There are more answers to this question on the Internet than you can shake a stick at. Most of the people trying to push protein onto men and women (particularly body builders) will cite all sorts of studies to justify you buying their products. What’s interesting is that many of the so called “studies” being referenced are conducted by the product manufacturers. That kind of disqualifies the study altogether when you think about it. So what’s the real deal? How much protein do guys *really* need? According to published [data](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/diet.htm) from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), most men need approximately 56 grams of protein per day. In other words, 16-18% of your daily diet should contain proteins. ## **HOW MUCH PROTEIN DO BODY BUILDERS NEED?** One of the biggest myths floating around (and has for years) is that body builders need tons of protein to get “big”. But here is the thing – the scientific research suggests it’s completely untrue. **Related:** [Body building myths debunked](https://guycounseling.com/fact-of-fiction-5-common-body-building-myths/) If you lift weights on a regular basis and are ingesting the right types of foods, you should be getting enough protein naturally. It helps to know what the nutritional requirements are for body builders. If you have time, be sure to read this comprehensive [post](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-nutrition-and-fat-10-faqs/) on the topic. ## **SIGNS YOU MAY BE PROTEIN DEFICIENT**  Now that you have a basic overview of protein and the amount you need on a daily basis, let’s take a look at the 10 signs you may not be getting enough of this compound into your system. FYI: What appears below is for information only and should not be used for diagnostic purposes. If you are concerned about any of these issues, it’s important to consult with your doctor. OK, here we go. ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=400%2C300&ssl=1)10 signs of a protein problem ## **1. MUSCLE PAIN** Protein is a critical to muscle repair and rebuilding. This is particularly true if you are involved with resistance training. While muscle pain can be caused by a number of issues, it can also be a bodily sign you aren’t getting enough protein. ## **2. JOINT PAIN** Because protein is partially responsible for helping in the repair process of tissue, it makes sense that a deficiency could be the cause of your joint pain. Common complaints of people experiencing a lack of protein include joint aches and difficulty with movement. ## **3. INTENSE FOOD CRAVINGS** Because protein is responsible for evening out blood sugars, it’s important to ingest the appropriate amount each day. A lack of protein can manifest itself through intense food cravings. If this is the case, your body may be screaming for a leveling compound because you’re eating too many carbs. ## **4. SKIN PROBLEMS** Is your skin cracking, [spotty](https://guycounseling.com/get-rid-dark-spots-face/), peeling or overly dry? This could be an indication you’re not getting enough protein in your daily diet. While there are skin care products designed for men that can help with these issues, none of them will do a lick of good if your collagen levels are depleted. That’s because collagen is a protein. See this post on [collagen and anti-aging](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/). ## **5. DAMAGED, FALLING OUT HAIR** Did you know that your hair is made up of proteins? It sure is. And guess what – if you aren’t getting enough in your body, it can have devastating results. A common indication of a protein deficiency is dull, dry, brittle hair. In some cases, hair can even start falling out. While hair products may deliver topical proteins, you need to be taking in (eating) the right amount each day for protein synthesis to occur within the hair follicle. ## **6. DIFFICULTY RECOVERING FROM INJURIES** Earlier, we looked at how protein helps to rebuild bodily tissues, like muscles. If you have injured yourself – like at the gym – and are experiencing a slow recovery, it could be a symptom that you lack enough protein for repairs. ## **7. FLUID RETENTION** Does your body seem swollen? Do your fingers sometimes blow up on you to the point you can’t get a ring on or off? Ankles looking enlarged? Do you have [baggy, puffy eyes](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/)? Fluid retention can be caused by a number of issues, including cardiovascular problems and arthritis. But it can also be a symptom of low protein levels. That’s because protein plays a strong role in keeping fluids from building up in tissue. ## **8. SICKLY** Do you frequently get sick? Does it seem like you always catch everyone else’s cold? Are you constantly tired and exhausted? Many people with poor protein levels experience these issues on a regular basis. That’s because your immune cells are built from protein enzymes. A lack of them can leave you feeling spent and vulnerable to illness. ## **9. MENTAL FATIGUE** Do you ever feel mentally exhausted? Does it seem to be happening more and more frequently? If so, it could be your body telling you to eat more protein. Here’s why – your blood sugar levels require proteins to achieve a state of homeostasis. Without these proper levels, your brain responds by having difficulty concentrating. ## **10. NO RESULTS AT GYM**   Are you working out and getting nowhere? Does it seem like you throw all you’ve got into weight training, only to see little to no results? It can take three to six weeks before you see results from a given program. But if your diet is protein poor, you likely won’t see increased muscle mass at all. This all goes back to the role protein plays in repairing and building muscle. ![Confusing love with obsession](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Confusing-love-with-obsession.jpg?resize=540%2C361&ssl=1)Risk factors for protein deficiency ## **RISK FACTORS FOR PROTEIN DEFICIENCY?** **Athletes** If you are involved in strength training or competitive sports, you’re likely to burn more protein than your non at active counterparts. This is very much the case for men. **Advanced Age** The older you get, the less able your body is to process proteins. It’s an unfortunate side effect of aging. **Highly Stress People** The more stressed you are, the greater your body releases stress hormones. And those hormones like to break down tissue and muscle. This can cause your protein levels to become quickly depleted. See this post on [5 tips to reduce stress](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/). **People on Diets** We know from scientific [research](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22139563) studies that people who diet tend to suffer from protein deficiencies. Intuitively, this makes sense when you think about sudden changes in food consumption. **Persons Recovering from Injury** If your body is trying to heal itself from a severe or acute injury, it’s likely going to use up a bunch of proteins in the process. **Digestive system challenges** If you have IBS or live with some other form of a digestive system challenge, you are more likely to experience a protein deficiency, according to clinical studies. Much of this has to do with [acid levels](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3132852/) in the stomach. ## **DIETARY SUGGESTIONS FOR PROTEIN** The best way to make sure you are getting adequate protein into your body is by eating the right foods. In other words, natural sources. Here are some suggestions: - Cut out the processed foods that are loaded with sugars and carbs and opt for 3 or 4 servings of lean, fresh meat. Fish, chicken, turkey, eggs and beans are all good sources. - Vegans can reach for lentils, nuts, soybeans and whole grains. - Protein powders are OK but make sure you don’t get the sugary type. Some have more sucrose in them than candy bars. Optimum Nutrition makes an excellent product that delivers 24g of whey protein. [See Amazon for pricing](http://amzn.to/2j7plqI). - Don’t forget that fruits and vegetables also contain plant based proteins, in addition to essential vitamins and minerals. - If you are unsure how to prepare high protein meals, consider the *Ultimate Body Building Cookbook*. It’s loaded with delicious meals that are protein rich. Available at [Amazon](http://amzn.to/2iT8ryq). ## **WRAPPING THINGS UP** Protein is one of the building blocks of life. Because we live in a 24/7 world where so many of us are constantly “on”, it can be easy to ignore important nutritional requirements. If you are concerned about your eating habits or are worried you aren’t getting the right level of nutrients into your system, talk to your doctor or a registered dietician. The good news is that protein problems are often easily corrected with changes in diet. It’s all about being mindful about what you’re eating – and what you’re not. If you liked this post, please follow Men’s Culture on Facebook for more tips! I really appreciate your support! **Categories:** Nutrition **Tags:** body building, Diet, Energy, Nutrition, Protein --- ### [Wealth Impacts How People Experience Happiness](https://guycounseling.com/money-happiness-study-1218/) **Published:** December 18, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![happy couple in love happiness study](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/happiness.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study sheds light on happiness and income Have you ever had a friend or relative say, “Money can’t buy you happiness.” Did you blow their comment off, chalking it up as an empty platitude? According to a new line of research published by the American Psychological Association, you may want to reconsider. It turns out that people who have lots of money tend to experience more positive emotions focused on themselves, while people who earn less take greater pleasure in their relationships – and their ability to connect with others. **More:** [Poor work-like boundaries can lead to exhaustion](https://guycounseling.com/work-life-balance-exhaustion-12151/) “Higher income has many benefits, including improved health and life satisfaction, but is it associated with greater happiness?” asked lead study author Paul Piff, PhD, of the University of California, Irvine. “After all, most people think of money as some kind of unmitigated good. But some recent research suggests that this may not actually be the case. In many ways, money does not necessarily buy you happiness.” The study was published in the journal *Emotion*. For this research, investigators sampled 1,519 people in a nationally representative survey. Incomes ranged from less than $5,000 to more than $175,000 a year. Participants were asked about their earnings and responded to a series of questions designed to measure their tendency to experience seven specific emotions linked to the construct of happiness: amusement, awe, compassion, contentment, enthusiasm, love and pride. As an example, to measure compassion, people rated their agreement with various statements, including, “Nurturing others gives me a warm feeling inside.” The results from the study proved interesting. Individuals at the higher end of the socioeconomic spectrum reported a greater tendency to experience happiness when they focused on themselves, specifically, amusement, pride, and contentment. Participants on the lower end of the money scale were more likely to experience happiness when focusing on other people, primarily love and compassion. People who were poor also indicated they experienced more beauty and awe in the world around them. There did not appear to be a difference for enthusiasm, according to researchers. “These findings indicate that wealth is not unequivocally associated with happiness,” said Piff. “What seems to be the case is that your wealth predisposes you to different kinds of happiness.” Offering more insight, he adds: “While wealthier individuals may find greater positivity in their accomplishments, status and individual achievements, less wealthy individuals seem to find more positivity and happiness in their relationships, their ability to care for and connect with others.” It is Piff’s believe these differences may stem from higher-income individuals’ desire for self-sufficiency and independence, whereas the other-oriented emotions assist lower-income persons to create stronger bonds with others. This bonding also is used as a coping mechanism to work through financial difficulties. According to Piff, there has been a great deal of research over the past several years focusing on the negative effects of poverty. “Poverty heightens people’s risks for a slew of negative life outcomes, including worsened health,” he said. “Wealth doesn’t guarantee you happiness, but it may predispose you to experiencing different forms of it — for example, whether you delight in yourself versus in your friends and relationships. These findings suggest that lower-income individuals have devised ways to cope, to find meaning, joy and happiness in their lives despite their relatively less favorable circumstances.” Source: [EurkaAlert/American Psychological Association](https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2017-12/apa-hmp121317.php) **Categories:** News **Tags:** happiness, Income, Money, research, Study --- ### [Reheating Pizza: Best 5 Ways That Might Surprise You!](https://guycounseling.com/reheat-pizza-top-5-ways-maintain-taste-flavor/) **Published:** October 2, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![reheating pizza top ways](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/reheat-pizza-.jpg?resize=500%2C300&ssl=1) ## **Best Ways to Reheat Pizza**  If you are like most guys, you love a good pizza from time to time. Here’s one I regularly order from [D’Agostino’s Pub](http://addison.dagsdelivers.com/zgrid/themes/753/intro/index.jsp) in Chicago. Believe it or not, this pie is so huge that it can provide several meals over the course of a week. What’s not to love about a combination of cheese, crisp, crunch and toppings? Throw in a football game and some friends and you’ve really got something! But what happens if you order a pizza and aren’t able to finish it in one sitting? If you’re response is *throw it away*, please don’t. The truth is there’s still life left in that pizza, provided you take the necessary steps to maintain its freshness. ![pizza love](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/pizza-love.jpg?resize=541%2C304&ssl=1)Don’t you love a good pizza? ## **Reheat Pizza or Eat Cold?** Some people think the best way to store uneaten pizza is to simply pop it in the refrigerator and later, eat cold. That’s certainly an option. Cold pizza has lots of upshots, including the benefit of not falling apart. ## **Reheat Pizza: Multiple Options** But sometimes you just want that hot slice of deliciousness to come back to life, filling the room with aroma of gooey cheesiness, onions and meats that once danced around your crib. **Related:** [Exactly what’s inside a cheeseburger? ](https://guycounseling.com/how-many-calories-are-in-a-cheeseburger-and-what-about-fat/) So what’s the right way to reheat pizza? Is it as simple as tossing it in the microwave for 60 seconds? Should you set the oven to bake and toss it in for 15 minutes? Or should you place it in a pan on the stove? Believe it or not, the above mentioned options are just but a few ways to reheat pizza. Lucky for you, I’m going to walk through several, plus give you one way to reheat pizza that might surprise you. Let’s jump right in! ## **How to Properly Store Pizza for Reheating** ![storing pizza refrigerator](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/storing-pizza.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1 "Reheating Pizza or Eat Cold?")Reheating Pizza or Eat Cold? Most guys simply take uneaten pizza, leave it in the delivery box and toss it in the fridge. There’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, I used to do it myself. But if you want make the most of your leftovers, it helps to do some advance work. Storing Cold Pizza with Wax Paper and Plates I’ve found that the best way to store pizza is to grab a small plate and then stack the pizza in the form of a tower, separating each slice with a wax paper. You can use a paper towel to separate however, you will want to make sure the pizza is cooled to room temperature first. That’s because if it’s still hot, the cheese and other toppings will bind to the paper, pulling everything off when you go to unwrap. Regardless of which approach you use, make sure you take plastic wrap and surround your tower good and tight. **Hint:** The quicker you store uneaten pizza, the more likely you’ll maintain its original freshness. ![reheat pizza microwave](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/microwave-pizza.jpg?resize=500%2C300&ssl=1 "Reheating Pizza in the microwave is probably the most popular method")Reheating Pizza in the microwave is probably the most popular method ## **Reheat Pizza Method #1: Microwave** I’ve reheated more slices of pizza in the microwave than I care to remember. Let’s face it – it’s probably the easiest way to go about reheating just about everything. If you’re like me, you probably just tossed a square onto a plate, tapped “High” on your microwave and then set the timer for 30 seconds and let that be that. No problem with this approach. But have you ever noticed the reheated piece was kind of a sloppy mess? You know, like a rubbery piece of cheese that didn’t taste all that good. It doesn’t have to be that way. Through the process of trial and error, I think I’ve perfected the best way to reheat pizza and in a way that brings back to life its original texture, flavor and odor; like it first was when it arrived in the box. Pizza Reheat Microwave Steps: - Grab a microwave safe plate - Place a paper towel on top of plate - Put a slice of pizza on top of the paper towel - Take a piece of wax paper and put on top of pizza - Power down microwave to 50% (or use defrost option) - Set microwave to 45 seconds ### **Reheating Pizza Microwave Results** If you have done this correctly, your pizza should come out of the microwave looking, smelling and tasting very much like it did when it first was delivered to your home. The secret is the wax paper. By placing that on top of your ZA, you’ve provided a shield for over-nuking while also stopping absorption (something many people do by using paper towels on top). And did you know they actually make a microwave product specifically for [reheating pizza](http://amzn.to/2d6xGaD)? It’s called the “Rapid ReHeater” and you can check it out on Amazon. As an aside, some people have asked me what’s the best type of microwave to reheat foods, including pizza. There’s certainly many to choose from but I am fond of [LG’s microwave](http://amzn.to/2ditIRz) myself. That’s probably because I’ve had mine now for over 7 years and it’s never let me down. ![pizza reheat pan skillet](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/pizzareheat2.jpg?resize=562%2C298&ssl=1 "reheat pizza")Reheating pizza with a pan can yield tasty results! ## **Reheat Pizza Method #2: Pan** Not the most popular way to reheat pizza but there are some guys who use this approach. Mainly, it’s because they don’t have a microwave or because they just prefer the pan method. Here’s a quick walk through on how to use a skillet to resurrect yesterday’s za-la in a way that is designed to have maximum effect. Reheat Pizza in a Pan Steps: 1 Set your stovetop range to medium 2 Grab a pan and place on top of burner 3 Make sure you have the pan’s lid nearby 4 Slip the piece of pizza into the pan 5 Cover the pan with the lid 6 Allow to cook for 5-7 minutes 7 Remove pan from hot burner once cheese starts bubbling ### **Reheating Pizza in a Pan Results** Done correctly, this approach should yield you a spectacular piece of delicious pizza! The trick here is to cover what you are cooking with the lid. This allows all of the juiciness to stay inside, which has the propensity to evaporate if you just open lid it. Ingredients like sausage and pepperoni really seem to respond to this method. Maybe that’s because the meats are being recooked? In any event, this is a great way to redo what you ordered last night! ![Reheat Pizza in the Oven](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/reheat-pizza-oven.jpg?resize=598%2C336&ssl=1)Reheating pizza in the oven is an option many choose ## **Reheat Pizza Method #3: Oven** Not a super popular approach but I will mention none the less because there are some who like pizza that’s been reheated in the oven. I’ll give you a quick walkthrough on this one and tell you why it’s not my favorite method. Reheat Pizza Over Steps: 1 Set over to 350F 2 Place a slice of pizza on rack 3 Let cook for 5-6 minutes 4 Remove pizza with a spatula ### **Reheating Pizza Oven Results** All I can say is – *meh*. The pizza will come out warm and the oven will encourage some of the original flavor. But it doesn’t exactly taste the same. Plus, there’s the problem of cheese oozing onto the rack and then onto the bottom of the oven. You can place your slice on some type of bakeware, like a [baking sheet](http://amzn.to/2djEYtw), but for what you get in return it’s kind of a pain in the rear. ![pizza-reheat-on-the-grill](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/pizza-reheat-on-the-grill.jpg?resize=382%2C253&ssl=1)Reheating pizza on the grill can be fun ## **Reheat Pizza Method #4 Grill** If you happen to live in a place where you can cook outdoors, grilling your pizza as a reheating option may be something to consider. I will walk you through how to do this one but to be honest, how many of us really want to take the time to fire up the propane tanks or use a bunch of goal to reheat pizza? Reheat Pizza On Grill: 1 Get your grill up to medium heat 2 Take a slice of pizza and place on the grate 3 Shut the lid and allow to cook for five minutes 4 Remove pizza with spatula once it looks bubbly 5 Place on a plate and enjoy ### **Reheating Pizza on Grill Results** If you are feeling adventurous and want to get your woodsman on, reheating your Za on a grill does offer a tasty option. You’ll get a lot of the original flavor back – plus the crunchiness you desire. The not so great part about this is all of the work that’s involved, including the cleanup, if you’re just reheating a single slice.  If you want to really grill a pizza – like the entire thing – check out this [pizza grill box kit ](http://amzn.to/2dRvfNf)that adapts to what you already have in the back yard! ![pizza eggs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/pizza-eggs.jpg?resize=500%2C300&ssl=1 "Reheat pizza and make a new meal with pizza eggs!")Reheat pizza and make a new meal with pizza eggs! ## **Reheat Pizza Method #5: Breakfast Repurpose** This is perhaps the most unconventional way to reheat pizza while repurposing it at the same time. Yep, for this one you’re going to be reheating a slice but this time in tiny pieces. That’s because you’ll be using the leftovers to make a new meal called breakfast! And let me tell you – this approach is super simple! Repurpose Pizza for Breakfast 1 Pour a cup of eggbeaters into a [microwave safe bowl](http://amzn.to/2djEnbt) 2 Sprinkle in a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper 3 Take a slice of pizza and cut it up into tiny piece 4 Toss a handful of chopped pieces into the bowl 5 Place bowl in microwave and cover with a paper towel 6 Set temperature to high for 3 minutes and press “Start” 7 Halfway through (around 1 min, 50 sec) mix with a spoon 8 Let the nuking process continue until 3 minutes are up ### **Reheat Pizza Breakfast Repurpose Results** Believe it or not, this is an extremely tasty option for old pizza. Think about it. You are getting the gooiness of the cheese, combined with meats, veggies or other toppings that once resided on your Za! For this one, play around with microwave cooking time. Because each oven is different, your microwave may require shorter or longer cooking times. FYI: You can also use real eggs if you want instead of egg beaters. But if you choose mother nature’s route, be sure to include two teaspoons of milk to help fluff up the egg and pizza combo. ## **Reheating Pizza Final Thoughts** Lastly, some people want to know how long you can keep old pizza. For example, if you order it on a Friday night, can you keep it in the fridge for an entire week? Well, there are a number of thoughts on this one but the general consensus is that pizza should be tossed out after a maximum of four days. You can certainly freeze pizza, which will extend its life a good month or two, but it probably won’t taste all that good no matter how you reheat it. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=160774838X&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/160774838X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=160774838X&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=536827c75bffae02bfed7f9b7856ed9f)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=am2&o=1&a=160774838X)If you are interested in learning more about pizza, including reheating options and making one from scratch, I’m including a book entitled: *[The Elements of Pizza](http://amzn.to/2dKfJjr)* by Ten Speed Press. It’s loaded with insight and practical “How To” ideas for experiencing the best pizza ever. ## **How Do You Like To Reheat Pizza Poll** Perhaps one of the silliest polls I’ve ever put up but I’m going to do it for fun anyway. Be sure to chime in with a choice! **Categories:** Guy Skills **Tags:** Diet, Eating, Fast Food, Food, health, Nutrition, Pizza, wellness --- ### [Bodybuilding Motivation: 5 Mindful Tips to Workout Right Now!](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-motivation-5-mindful-tips-to-workout-right-now/) **Published:** October 12, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![body building motivation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/body-building-motivation2.jpg?resize=640%2C428&ssl=1) ## **Bodybuilding Motivation Starts with Right Now!** Let’s face it – on some days it can be difficult to feel **motivated** for **bodybuilding**. And to be sure, there are other days where your [motivation](http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.3200/JACH.54.2.87-94) to workout is not where you want it to be. This is particularly true for bodybuilders and avid weight lifters who have been hitting the stacks for a long time. In my experience, the struggle to workout has a lot to do with three facts: *psychology, mood and attitude*. Because I know your physique is important to you and because I recognize that being a [confident man](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) means taking care of yourself, I am going to give you 5 bodybuilding motivation tips that borrow from the twin worlds of [cognitive ](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/)[and mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) based psychology as a way of quickly changing your thought patterns and disrupting the cycle of excuses you have been using for skipping your workouts. The information I will list here will challenge your current way of thinking and may at times be abrasive. But you came here for *real* change, right? Below you will find a brief snapshot of both psychological constructs mentioned above, followed by 5 tips to help supercharge your motivation levels so that you will get your butt to the gym – right now! I will avoid the tired and overplayed advice you already know about, which can be found on every body building website on the Internet. Instead, you are going to get the freaking *real* deal. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## **Bodybuilding Motivation and Psychology** The first thing we need to cover before going through the five bodybuilding motivation tips relates to psychology. If you want to understand why you are struggling with hitting your body building goals or worse, blowing off your workouts, you need look no further than your mirror. Here is the deal – what you think about yourself directly relates to how you feel and by extension, *what* you do (or don’t do). ## **![body building pushups](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pushup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Bodybuilding Motivation: Changing the Tape** Cognitive psychology is all about how our thoughts impact our actions. It uses a *here and now* approach, meaning it focuses us on this very moment in time – as in right now. It is not concerned with the question “Why”. **Strike Out Why** *Why* you have been blowing off the gym or *why* you have been taking a halfhearted approached to bodybuilding isn’t important in cognitive psychology. You see trying to find out the answer to *why* is an exercise in futility, causing you to circle around the mountain forever and a day, which wastes time and gets you nowhere! At the end of the day, does the “why” really matter? Does it get you to the gym? Does it create change? No! And so starting **right now**, strike the word *why* from your vocabulary. **Replace with What** Now that you have ridden yourself of why, I want you to focus on the word what. Example: *What* has been the result of your skipping the gym? *What* are you seeing when you look in the mirror? What parts of your body are you trying to build upon or improve? Going forward, you will preface all of your thoughts about bodybuilding and getting to the gym with the word what. Using this approach, you will be engaging in mindfulness psychology, another here and now approach to motivation. Combining both cognitive and mindfulness forms of psychology will empower you to change your mental tape and ultimately, help get your butt to the gym! OK – now that you know how to reconstruct your thoughts, it is time to look at those 5 body building motivation tips. Notice every single suggestion contains the word what somewhere in the narrative. ## **![man reflecting on lake about bodybuilding ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/young-man-mountain.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Bodybuilding Motivation: 5 Tips** **1. What is staring back at you in the mirror?** Take your shirt off and stand in front of the mirror. Do you like what’s staring back? What are you sick and tired of seeing that’s annoying to you? What do you like that you see? What can you do right now to build upon what you like *or* change what you don’t? **2. Smile and change your mood** What mood are you in? What would it be like to change your mood? While you are in front of that mirror from tip #1, look at yourself and smile. That is right, SMILE! As you smile at yourself, tell yourself you are in a good mood and happy – even if you have to lie to yourself. [Smile therapy](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/isnt-what-i-expected/201207/try-some-smile-therapy) creates positive thoughts and changes your mood. What faking it until you make it allows you is the ability to get to the gym and do that workout. **3. Purge your thoughts** What you have been thinking on this day up until this exact moment in time is irrelevant. What is important is what you are thinking *right now*. If are having negative thoughts about yourself or anything else, pinch your skin and tell yourself STOP. Purge your mind of everything that has happened before on this day and focus only on the moment. This tip may require you to engage in deep [mindfulness for bodybuilding](https://guycounseling.com/mindful-meditation-manly-skill/). Once your thoughts are purged, think only about yourself at the gym, confidently lifting those weights! If you need a distraction from your negative, self-defeating thoughts drop down on the ground and bust out 25-pushups and mentally focus only on your muscles at that moment in time. *What* are you aware or? What can you do to build upon what you are feeling? **4. Leave your home or office right now** Now that you have purged your thoughts, you need to get moving. What is important is this very moment in time, meaning what you are doing to get out of your house or your office and to the gym. Don’t think about anything else except the mental image of you lifting those weights. Do NOT give yourself permission to think about anything else. NO negative self-sabotaging thoughts about parking, equipment availability – none of it! Simply grab your gym bag and leave and do not think about anything else but lifting those weights. Keep smiling from point #2. **5. Workout mindfully** Now that you are at the gym, go about the business of working out BUT do so mindfully. Ask yourself *what* will your [arm workout](https://guycounseling.com/arm-workouts-5-great-exercises-grow-biceps-triceps/) be like today? What will be different about your [back workout](https://guycounseling.com/back-workouts-5-great-upper-lower-back-workouts-men/)? *What* are you feeling in your muscles with each lift? *What* level of intensity are you bringing to your workout? What will you do to change your halfhearted approach to bodybuilding to a more powerful, meaningful experience? [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1490581677&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1490581677/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1490581677&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=7AVHOMTVSF6SFDZX)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1490581677) ## **Bodybuilding Motivation Summary** Every single tip in this article is focused on creating positive self-talk and eliminating negative self-talk for bodybuilding. The concepts are deeply rooted in ancient wisdom, passed on from Zen masters of yesteryear and adapted to fit modern psychology. I encourage you to spend some time examining your thoughts and eliminating any patterns of negative self-talk. Focus on practicing the [25-affirmations](http://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/10/25-affirmations-for-confidence-we-should-say-each-day/) we should say to ourselves each day! It’s like this dude so listen up – you can build the body of your dreams and transform yourself. In order for this to happen, you must believe you are worthy happiness. Most important, you must believe in yourself. I am including a book recommendation entitled, *[The Art of Mental Training](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1490581677/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1490581677&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=DZX624XPMUMMGBC2)* to help you become more centered on mindfulness as a tool for creating motivation for body building. If you need visual stimulation, look around this website or visit the Men’s Culture [Pinterest page](http://www.pinterest.com/menscultureblog).  Feel free to bookmark this page. Thanks for visiting Muscle Dude Life. Please like on **Facebook** or Circle me on Google+  Peace out! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** bodybuilding motivation, motivation --- ### [How to Get a Flat Belly with Tight Six Pack Abs for Men](https://guycounseling.com/get-abs-fast/) **Published:** December 27, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **[![six pack abs fast](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/six-pack-abs-fast-for-men.jpg?resize=668%2C481&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/six-pack-abs-fast-for-men.jpg?ssl=1)** ## **Six Pack Abs Fast** If you are wondering **how to get six pack abs** fast, there’s a good chance you desire visible abdominal **[muscles](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/003456878390124X)** for a reason. Maybe you are going on vacation soon and want to be able to take your shirt off. Perhaps there’s someone you are trying to impress but recognize that the flab hanging around your mid-section is unattractive. Finally, you want to know how to get six pack abs fast simply because the rest of your body looks decent – except for your stomach area. Regardless of your motivations, your desire to learn more about how to get six pack abs fast says that you are ready to do the necessary work. Sometimes the most difficult part about working out your abs isn’t necessarily the exercises involved; it’s identifying which ab exercises best fit your physiological needs. I’ve been working out my abs for many years now and can tell you first hand that creating the desired six-pack you so very much crave requires hard work, focus, insight and strategy. This article will explore all things related to abs, including the specific muscles of the abdominal walls, body type in relation to sculpting the abs and 5 effective ab workouts to help your abdominal muscles pop in a way that is visually appealing. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## **![body building nutrition faqs](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/body-building-nutrition-faqs.jpg?resize=650%2C360&ssl=1)Abdominal Muscles** Before you can go about the business of finding out about how to get six pack abs, it is vital that you have a good understanding of the muscles that make up the midsection of your body. Don’t blow this information off because the knowledge you will gain here is required as a fundamental building block to creating that ripped look you are seeking. Your abdominals are part of a complicated network of mid-section muscles that run across your entire central core and involve parts of the back. Unlike the **[arms](https://guycounseling.com/arm-workouts-5-great-exercises-grow-biceps-triceps/)** and **[legs](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/)[,](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/)** your back depends largely on the muscles rather than bones for support. Many people, particularly guys, tend to store fat around the middle, which presents a challenge if you want to show off your physique. ## **Four Primary Ab Muscles** What is important that you know in your quest to get six packs abs fast are the four, primary muscles that make up the abdominal section. These include: *the **rectus abdominis**, **internal obliques*** (2 on each side), ***external obliques*** (2 muscles) and *the **transversus abdominals*** (also referred to as transversalis). These specific muscles allow you to do things like bend forward at the waist, rotate your trunk and bend to the side. These abdominal muscles also help you stabilize your spine and prevent back pain. I will walk you through each muscle group so that you have key knowledge for later on when you start the recommended exercises. [![abdominal-muscles-anatomy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/abdominal-muscles-anatomy.jpg?resize=586%2C335&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/abdominal-muscles-anatomy.jpg?ssl=1)Credit: Fahadmania ## **Rectus Abdominis** This is probably the most visible of the abdominal muscles. It runs down the length of your abdomen, from the lower area of the chest to the apex of your pelvis. The rectus flexes your trunk, causing your spine to bend forward. The rectus also tilts your pelvis back and is therefore important in maintaining a normal back curve and preventing back pain. You will use these muscles when you are doing crunches or pelvic tilts. ## **Internal and External Obliques** Your obliques are used to rotate and flex the trunk and bend to the side. These muscles also support the spine. Your obliques are essential for movements involving the transfer of weight, such as hitting a tennis ball or a baseball. You also use them for punching a heavy bag, boxing or discus. These muscles form the sides of your abs and help to twist and bend your trunk. They also help to give you the V-Shape you likely desire. ## **Transversus Abdominis** These particular muscles stabilize the trunk and compress your internal organs when you lift, stand, sneeze, laugh or cough. In fact, anytime you lift a weight or do any whole body movement, the transversus abdominis stabilizes your midsection. These muscles are developed best when you do large muscle lifts, like squats, deadlifts and bench presses. ## **![get rid of belly fat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/bellyfat.jpg?resize=523%2C352&ssl=1)How to Get Six Pack Abs Approach** Before moving into the specific exercises you will want to do in your journey to six pack abs, we need to get something straight – diet, cardio and resistance training need to be part of your general approach. If you think you can simply just do a bunch of crunches and magically sport a six pack, you need to think again. It just doesn’t happen that way. Below I will put up a chart that outlines the ideal requirements for getting your abs to pop out. Most experts agree that if you follow a low fat diet (having no more than 25% of your calories coming from fat) you should trim off enough body fat so that you can start to see all of the hard work you are putting into your midsection. | **If You Are** | **And you do cardio** | **You Should See Results** | |---|---|---| | Under 15% body fat | 3x a week | 1-2 weeks | | 15%-20% body fat | 3-4 x a week | 2-3 weeks | | 20-25% body fat | 4-5x a week | 4-5 weeks | | Over 25% body fat | 5x a week | 6-8 weeks | **A Note on Cardio** Cardio exercises for six pack abs means 20-30 minutes of medium to high intensity activity. You can do this outside by jogging or running. You can also do this at the gym using a number of different cardio machines. Recommendations include Stair-Master, Exercise Bike or Treadmill. If you use cardio equipment, make sure you are setting the dial to an intermediate level at a minimum. You should be breaking a sweat at some point during the exercises. **A Note on Diet** Your diet obviously is going to have an impact on your ability to pop out your abs. Generally speaking, try to restrict your fat intake to no more than 10% a day. Your caloric intake however, doesn’t need to be reduced drastically. Since you will be active, your caloric intake should be somewhere between 2000-2400 per day. Be mindful of sweets and if you can avoid them, do so. Finally, stay away from sodas of all types and kinds and stick to water. If you must have something with taste, reach for non-sugar cool-aid. **Weight Lifting and Body Type** Of key importance is [knowledge of your body type](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) when building muscle, particularly the abdominals. This will help you design workouts that specifically match your physiological makeup and constitution. Factor this information into your approach to strength training and six pack ab sculpting. And it goes without saying genetics are part of the picture however, they only make up part of the equation. ## **![body building ab workout](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/body-building-abs.jpg?resize=500%2C391&ssl=1)Exercises for Six Pack Abs** Now that we have walked through the basics of the abdominal muscles and other information, it’s time to explore the specific exercises you should focus on in order to make your six pack ab dreams come true. I will give you 5 exercises you can do at the gym and at home and guide you through the particulars. ![six pack abs](https://i0.wp.com/4.bp.blogspot.com/-AsrTyJymHiw/TjbkqB2CC6I/AAAAAAAAAQI/m-lKw7wm_qg/s1600/rr46.jpg?resize=605%2C403)Cable Pull-Down Credit: Scott Herman Fitness ### **1. Cable Pull-Down (Internal and External Obliques)** Get on your knees in front of a high-cable pulley with a rope attached and grab both ends. Draw your hands down by the sides of your ears (palms facing in) or just above the forehead. Making sure your hands are locked in place, *slowly* curl yourself downward, first drawing your chin toward your chest, then letting your should and back follow. **Do 2 Sets at 10-15 Reps** ### **2. Hanging Side-Twist Raise (Transverse Abdominus)** Hang from a bar with your hands spaced slightly wider than should width apart. Your legs should hang straight underneath you with toes pointing toward the ground. Now, rock your pelvis upward and *slowly* raise your knees up and to the left. Try to touch the right side of your hip to your chest. Slowly lower your legs back down and repeat, this time raising your knees to the right. Lower your knees and repeat. **Do 2 Sets at 8-10 Reps** ## **3. Wood Chop (Internal/External Obliques)** Stand to the right of a high-cable machine pulley with your right shoulder facing the machine. Keeping your feet flat on the floor (toes pointing forward) reach your left arm across your chest and grab the cable handle. Now, place your right hand on top of your left hand. You should look like someone who is holding an axe out to your right side. Pull in our belly button and hold it there for the entire exercise. Next, keeping your knees slightly bent, slowly rotate your torso to your left as you drawn in your arms across and down. Try to keep your arms as straight as possible until the movement causes you to naturally bend at the elbows. Once your hand is above your left thigh, slowly reverse the motion back to the starting position and then repeat. Switch positions and repeat the above described process facing the left side of the machine. **Do 3 Sets at 8-10 Reps** (both sides) ![ab exercises](https://i0.wp.com/pilates1901.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/man-doing-pilates.jpg?resize=537%2C333)Teasers. Credit: Pilates1901 ## **4. Teasers (Internal/External Obliques)** Lie on your back with your knees drawn up and your arms down at your sides. Slowly stretch your legs out so they are above the ground at a 45-degree angle. As you raise your upper body off the ground, try to keep that torso at 45-degrees (you should look like the letter V). Draw your hands up alongside up your legs – without touching – as high as you can toward your feet. Hold this position for a few seconds and then slowly raise your arms up and over your head until they are in line with your upper body. Now, slowly sweep your arms back down in front of you towards your ankles. Keep your hands close to your legs as you lower both your upper body and lower body down to the floor. Repeat. Tips: Use a floor-mat or padded surface for this exercise. You should know these are not easy to do and that it will take time to master the teaser. **Do 2 Sets at 3-6 Reps** ### **5. Corkscrew (Internal/External Obliques & Transverse Abs)** Lie on your back with your knees drawn up, arms down along your sides or under your behind to take pressure off lower back. Extend your legs straight with your feet together, your feet pointing toward the sky. Keeping your head and shoulders on the floor, slowly rotate your feet (or legs if they are bent) clockwise as if you are drawing a circle in the air. Now bring your feet back to the center. Pause and then rotate counterclockwise. Now bring your feet back to center again. Repeat for 8 circles on both sides. **Do 3 Sets at 8 Reps (for each side)** [![muscle goatee](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/tumblr_n1hus8aqWe1skjqj5o1_500.jpg?resize=383%2C441&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/tumblr_n1hus8aqWe1skjqj5o1_500.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Other Six Pack Exercises** There are a host of other exercises you can do to help develop and pop your six-pack. The key of course will be consistency. Here are some other abdominal ideas: - Ball crunches - Regular crunches - Bicycles - Reverse crunches on bench - Side bridges - Ball pikes - Roman Chair [![Other Ab Exercises](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Six-Pack-Abs.jpg?resize=400%2C600&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Six-Pack-Abs.jpg?ssl=1)Other Ab Exercises ## **Six Pack Ab Poll** This poll is designed to assess your motivation for wanting to obtain a six pack. My assumption is that most guys want to develop the abdominal muscles because they want to show off their midsection. This of course relates to vanity – which isn’t always a bad thing when it comes to personal health. [To access the poll, visit this link](http://poll.fm/537fc). Your vote is completely confidential. ## **Celebrities with Six-Pack Abs** To help motivate you on your quest to building a six pack you can be proud of, I have compiled a list of celebrities that have at some point appeared in a movie or TV show with a six-pack. Bear in mind that some of these stars have more pronounced muscular development than others. Also, many celebrities work with a personal trainer to achieve the look you see in television and in movies. Air brushing of course helps in the case of print magazines. ![six pack abs celebs male](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/six-pack-abs-celebs.jpg?resize=640%2C425&ssl=1)Male celebrities who have shown six pack abs ## Celebrities with Six-Packs Alex O’Loughlin [Scott Eastwood (See Post)](https://guycounseling.com/scott-eastwood-height-girlfriends-workout-routine-skincare/) Chris Evans Jared Leto Zac Efron Marco Dapper Chris Hemsworth Liam Hemsworth Shemar Moore Enrique Iglesias Will Smith Colton Haynes Jesse Metcalfe Henry Cavill Kellan Lutz Jude Law David Beckham Matt Dallas   The Hulk ![alpha myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1)Abdominal myths ## **Six Pack Abs Myths** Many people who strive to develop a six pack set of abs erroneously believe a bunch of myths. Most of these myths float around gyms and come from surprising sources, like personal trainers. Common myths include thinking you have to work out your abs daily to develop abs. Remember that the abdominal muscles are not unlike other muscles in your body. If you want them to grow and pop, you need to give them a chance to rest. Another myth is that you need to avoid all fats in order to sport a six pack. This, too, is misinformation. The reality is that your body needs a certain amount of fat in order to function properly. Finally, there is an ab myth floating around that suggests that you need to do a thousand crunches a day to develop a six pack. Again – this is false. As long as you consistently train your body, including your abdominals 3-5 times a week, coupled with a healthy diet, you will eventually see some type of result. ## **Six Pack Abs Final Thoughts** [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B007PRQ5J6&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007PRQ5J6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B007PRQ5J6&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=3Y6VBLFT5DL2KUB3)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B007PRQ5J6) I encourage you to learn everything you can about how the abdominal muscles work on your quests for obtaining a six-pack. You might want to consider picking up a book like *[**Six Pack Abs 365**](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007PRQ5J6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B007PRQ5J6&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=WYL25HCZYRLQQDJP) by Geoff Neupert.* Remember that in order for you to build the abdominals of your dreams, it takes time and patience. Don’t expect results overnight. Most guys give up on their dream too soon. Pace yourself and be mindful of [**overtraining**](https://guycounseling.com/overtraining-syndrome-8-signs-body-builders/) syndrome. I hope you found this post helpful.  Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** abs, six pack --- ### [10 Powerful Gym Motivation Tips](https://guycounseling.com/10-gym-motivation-tips/) **Published:** November 29, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![body building pushups](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/pushup.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Gym Motivation Tips** In the need for some [gym motivation](http://journals.humankinetics.com/doi/abs/10.1123/jsep.11.3.251) hacks? Do you struggle with starting a fitness program, only to fizzle out after few weeks? Are you hoping to break the pattern? If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s face it guys – there is a big difference between wanting to build a bigger body and actually doing it. One of the main reasons men seek out the guidance of a counselor is to help create positive change. Part of this involves identifying those things that derail well-intentioned plans. But I’m here to tell you that no counselor and no personal trainer can assist you unless one thing is in place: **Commitment.** Yep, that’s right – commitment. You see it doesn’t mean jack if you simply have “the will” to hit the gym. The same holds true for the word *desire*. ## Gym Motivation and Commitment Instead, it’s all about making a commitment to yourself to change behaviors that have messed you up the past. Armed with this insight, you’ll then possess the power to move from dreaming about an amazing body to actually building it. Just like you, I’m a guy. I understand the importance of personal appearance. As a tribe, we may not admit it but here’s the thing – we do care about the way we look. **In this article, you will learn:** - Identifying historical barriers - Psychological tricks body builders use - Avoiding learned helplessness - The importance of mindfulness - Stopping the negative tape - Why you need short term goals - Stopping all or nothing thinking - The importance of variation Before we get too far into this article, I need to state right here and now that this piece isn’t or the faint of heart. It will require an honest self-assessment of how you think. But my sense is if you are reading this, you aren’t looking for some warm and fuzzy non-sense that does absolutely no good. Am I right? If so, here’s 10 gym motivation hacks that throw a monkey wrench into skipping workouts. Let’s jump right in! ![men and anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/10-number-10-ten.gif?resize=323%2C242&ssl=1) ## 1. Identify your pattern Change cannot happen unless you explore the past. Specifically, I’m talking about identifying the things, choices, and decisions in your life that have acted as barriers to working out. For this step, I encourage you to grab a pen and paper and jot down at least five items that have historically derailed you. Examples: - Work responsibilities - Not getting enough sleep - Depressed mood - Body image issues - Relationship responsibilities Your list may look different than what appears above. That’s ok.  The question is ***what*** are you going to do about them? This point can’t be emphasized enough. Identification is easy. Creating a plan of working through is the difficult part. Still got that pen? Time to record solutions. For example: Can you change the time you hit the gym? Can you get to bed earlier? Could you talk to your doctor about depression? Is it possible to find a therapist to help you with your mood? Just food for thought. Nothing else can happen unless you complete this step. ![gym motivation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/upper-body-exercises-chest.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)Gym motivation tips ## 2. Check your expectations One of the primary reasons men miss workouts is because they have unrealistic goals. You may be wondering what I mean? Well, having unrealistic goals means seeing a photograph of a body builder and thinking you can create his physique quickly. If only that were true. The reality is it takes several years to get big and requires a combination of consistent weight training and dieting. Here are a few unrealistic goals you’ll want to toss. - Expecting huge guns after a month of [concentration curls](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/). - Thinking you’ll get a rounder butt by working legs once a week. - Believing you’ll drop 10-pounds of body fat by doing 3 days of cardio a week – and not changing your diet. - Assuming you can return to the same level of weight lifting after being away from the gym for months. Once you check yourself for faulty expectations, you can then move about the business of living in the here and now. By this I mean *accepting* where you are on the fitness spectrum at this moment in time and understanding that change is a process that occurs over the course of time. Think of acceptance as a gift that empowers you to move to the next level. ## 3. Ditching learned helplessness Another activity that acts as psychological quicksand is engaging in learned helplessness. That’s a ten-dollar term for believing you are incapable of creating change. If left unchecked, learned helplessness begins to infect other life areas and can cause a person to sink into a crummy place. Blanketed in blame, people who buy into this line of thinking point fingers at themselves and others, using blame as a permission slip for inaction. Examples of learned helplessness include: - Negative self-dialogue that includes phrases like, “I’m never going to look muscular.” - Unhealthy beliefs like: “I’ve tried to lose weight before and it didn’t help.” - Self-comments like: “What’s the point – I’m still not attractive”. I could go on forever and a day on the ways learned helplessness [kills self-esteem](https://guycounseling.com/men-destroy-self-esteem/). The trick is to identify the negative self-statements and reprogram your thinking. In cognitive behavior therapy (CBT for short) this is called replacing irrational thoughts. And it’s done in a way that is reality based – meaning we skip the lofty talk and center on what is possible. If you want to know more about a form of CBT you can use to move past learned helplessness, see this [ACT-CBT post](https://guycounseling.com/six-core-processes-act/). ## ![Body Building Muscle Mass Techniques](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/body-building-advanced-training-techniques-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)4. Avoiding game of comparisons Have you ever found yourself looking at another dude as he completes a rep and thinking, “That guy is huge -I wish I could get like that?” I certainly have. Shoot, this is probably true for anyone reading this. In and of itself, there’s nothing wrong with admiring someone else’s build. The problem happens when comparisons act as demotivators. In other words, allowing yourself to become derailed because you don’t look like that guy who is all swoll. So, bottom line on this point. It’s OK to compare but at least be fair about it. For example, if you are 5’8 and the bodybuilding you are comparing yourself to is 6’2 – you aren’t being unfair to yourself. Recognize that all of us have [different body types](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/). An effective way to not play the game of comparisons is by telling yourself: *I can only focus on me. I’m getting bigger each day*. ## 5. Look at each gym visit as a gift Gym motivation is predominantly a psychological affair. The way you view your visits is uniquely linked to your level of intensity and ability to consistently hit the weights. If you hold the mindset that your visit to the gym is yet another thing to “check off” on your list, it won’t take long before you get bored – ant quit. However, if you reframe your thoughts to something different, you’ll likely experience positive benefits. Here, I am talking about feeling motivated to work out and build muscle. This is why it is important to **view each gym visit as a gift**. And when you reflect upon this, doesn’t this make sense? I’m going to list out a few examples of self-statements that you can use to help get you started: - How can I improve upon my last workout? - How much more can I grow my biceps at the gym today? - What kind of progress can I make on my legs today? - Yesterday is gone – but I can use today to build myself. I am the first to admit this hack takes time. You will literally need to rethink how you “think” about the gym. But when you adopt this new line of thinking, it can go a long way with stopping the skip cycle. ## 6. Workout mindfully Mindfulness and gym motivation go hand in hand. The problem is too many people think of mindfulness as new age babble without understanding its power. At its core, mindfulness is focusing your attention on the here and now. In the context of exercise, it means allowing yourself to be present in the moment with the exercise you are doing in ways that are tactile. Examples of mindfully working out include: - Allowing yourself to feel your bicep and tricep muscles when doing curls. - Tuning into your abs when working your core or doing crunches. - *Feeling* the squeeze when you do compound exercises. - Experiencing the rush of adrenalin after completing a set. Mindfulness and motivation for the gym go together like peanut butter and jelly. They are natural fits. To learn more about this approach, it might help you to [do a body scan](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). ## ![free weights](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/free-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) 7. Short, achievable goals Goals (realistic ones) are uniquely tied to motivation. Let me explain why. Without them, you have no way of gauging your progress. Does this compute? The problem for a lot of guys is they start a program with general goals but fail to create small ones. As a result, workout derailment happens due to lack perceived benefits. Here are a few examples of short-term goals: - After one month of exercise, being able to do 30 minutes of cardio on the treadmill. - After two weeks of doing 30-lb curls, being able to increase the weight to 35. - Losing one pound a week over four weeks. The above examples are probably over simplistic. You’ll want to customize your goals in ways that are unique to you. But remember, they need to be small and realistic. ## 8. Accept changes in intensity Motivation for the gym can become sidetracked when we falsely believe every workout is going to be amazing. Here’s the real deal. Sometimes, your workouts are going to suck. Yep, I know that’s super direct but I’m just telling you like it is. Workout intensity is multi-factorial in nature. I wish that it could always be in the high zone but it’s just not that way. Here are a few things that impact intensity: - Your mood - How much sleep you’ve had - The intensity of your last workout - Emotional stress - Personal problems I am mentioning this because if you head towards the weight stack with the mindset of being Superman with each gym visit, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, learn to listen to your body and recognize there will be days where you just aren’t feeling it. And that’s OK. But what you don’t want to do is use low intensity as a reason to skip. Once you get on that train, it can be hard to get off. Make sense? Some of the most successful bodybuilders I know schedule low intensity days as part of their weekly lifting routine. Using an exercise journal, they carve out certain times of the week for specific activities. Doing so allows them to have *some* control over what’s happening in the power and strength department. If you have a chance, I highly encourage you to read this article that [explores muscular strength](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/) in detail. ## ![muscle building factors](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/muscle-building-factors.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)9. Realistic diet This hack is obvious but worth mentioning all the same. If you have a crappy diet, the work you are doing at the gym won’t be worth a lick. The mistake some guys make is going overboard with diet when they get back into a gym routine. They create an impossible situation that is a sure setup for failure. Think about it. If you are working a full-time job, do you really have time to make all those fancy meals you see on some of the men’s health sites? If you want to remain motivated to workout, your best bet is to dedicate yourself to healthier eating instead of “healthy eating”. Example: At lunch, you have a choice of a tuna wrap or burger. Which is healthier? This is tricky because at first, the tuna may seem like the winner. But is it really? Not if it’s mixed in with 4 teaspoons of [mayonnaise](https://ndb.nal.usda.gov/ndb/foods/show/647?fgcd=&manu=&lfacet=&format=&count=&max=50&offset=&sort=default&order=asc&qlookup=04025&ds=&qt=&qp=&qa=&qn=&q=&ing=)! At any rate, there will be time enough to boil chicken, eggs, and other high protein meals. But at least for now, focus your awareness on healthier choices. Eventually, your body and diet will work in tandem. But allow the process to unfold organically. If you want to learn more about the realities of a body builder’s diet, check out this [nutrition FAQ](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-nutrition-and-fat-10-faqs/). ## 10.  Create variation The final tip is also a common sense one. Still, it is worth reinforcing. **Create variation in your workouts**. If you’ve been doing some same old leg press exercises forever and a day, why not try something new? Does the thought of doing another round of calf lifts on a donkey machine make you yawn? Why not switch things up? Variation is your best friend at the gym. Doing new exercises helps to push-back against muscle memory and boredom. It can also help with working through plateaus. One way to do this is through pyramiding. This is a dynamic whereby you start with a low weight and gradually work up. If you are already doing this, why not consider a reverse pyramid? Learn more about these kinds of concepts in this [strength vs. power post](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/). ## Wrap Up At the beginning of this article, I talked about the importance of commitment. None of the hacks mentioned above will be worth a hill of beans unless this is in place. And here’s what you can trade in commitment for … consistency. More than anything else, consistency is the ingredient needed to build the body of your dreams. If you want to learn more about psyching yourself up for workouts and staying focused, I highly recommend the book: Mind and Muscle by Whitmarsh ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2AeRiI4)). I hope you found the ideas and suggestions shared here useful. See you at the gym! **Categories:** Health & Fitness, Mind **Tags:** Exercise, gym, motivation, workout --- ### [5 Tips for Men Coping with Grief and Loss](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-coping-grief-loss/) **Published:** May 1, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![grief loss](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/grief-loss-chicago.jpg?resize=620%2C264&ssl=1) ## Grief and Loss **Grief** is all about feeling the pain of loss.  When we lose someone or something that we care about it is really difficult.  The process of grieving a loss is a sad and difficult journey which we all will likely face, or have probably already had some experience with.  It’s one of the most *human* things us humans have to go through, and yet everyone grieves in their own way. Grief is a journey with no smooth course, no order or sequence, no step by step process that we are expected to follow.  Sure, there are the well known [5 stages of grief](http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/) that we may have come across in a Psych 101 class at some point in time. But anyone who has gone through it will probably agree that grief isn’t done in a straight line (moving from denial to anger, bargaining, then depression, and finally acceptance) but instead a choppy road full of good days and bad. For every step forward we might have several steps backwards, and that is completely normal.  When we (or someone we care about) experience a significant loss, there is not a correct or incorrect way to handle it, however there are a few things to keep in mind when trying to cope with loss. 1. First things first, please don’t isolate during this time. I know grief doesn’t exactly inspire us to socialize, [particularly for men](https://guycounseling.com/men-problems-and-issues/), but it is so important to share this experience with your support system.  Lean on friends and family, cry with them, sit with them, just be with them.  Talk about whatever you are feeling whether that is sadness, guilt, shock, or anything else you may be experiencing.  If you don’t have access to a support system for any reason, consider reaching out to a therapist to help you cope with your grief. 2. Remember that tomorrow will be better than today, and each day that follows will be slightly easier to manage. One day at a time, you will get through this painful period, and by keeping this perspective you are less likely to compound your grief by making unhealthy choices. 3. Do helpful or generous things for other people as a way to take care of yourself. By acting with kindness and generosity we create joy around us and by giving or doing for others we lift our own spirits.  This could include spending quality time with a beloved pet as well as volunteering to help people dealing with their own struggles. 4. Take care of your physical health by [exercising and working out](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/). The first three items on this list are really about taking care of your emotional health, and this fourth point is about keeping your physical health in mind too.  Quite often we engage in unhealthy behaviors when we are in grief.  We may use drugs and/or alcohol to numb the pain, or we may over/under eat, or we may see significant changes in our sleep patterns.  The idea here is not to judge yourself, but rather to be mindful of making as many healthy choices as possible.  Try to eat, drink water, get up and walk around as much as possible. 5. Finally, plan ahead for future grief triggers such as birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries. These days will be extremely difficult as they serve as reminders about our loss.  It’s absolutely normal to feel like crap on these days, especially over the first few years after experiencing loss.  Whenever possible try to spend these days surrounded by your support system, doing things to honor the person or thing that you have lost.  Don’t shy away from the discomfort of your grief, but rather commiserate with your loved ones and do something that helps you cope with your pain. I realize that grief is a heavy and painful experience, and as normal and universal as it is, it is also a personal and unique journey for each individual.  The most common denominator is that grief is despair and it is pain.  It is sad and sorrowful.  This article isn’t about avoiding your grief or minimizing the pain you are dealing with, but instead this is a possible aide to help you try to navigate this tough time. Please remember that during grief there is not a right way to act or to think.  It isn’t a step by step process, and setbacks are a major part of the journey. By trying to keep these 5 points in mind, I hope your journey might be a little more manageable.  Again, if you are struggling with a recent loss and in need of a little support during this difficult time, please consider reaching out to a trusted therapist if necessary. Whether with a trained professional or with your friends and family, now is the time to surround yourself with trusted and supportive people.  You will get through this!  Tomorrow will be better than today. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Grief --- ### [The Story of Medusa From Greek Mythology](https://guycounseling.com/medusa-story-perseus-gorgons-head-greek-mythology/) **Published:** April 14, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![medusa](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Medusa.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Medusa Story in Detail** As an educator and counselor, I often use tales from classic [Greek Mythology](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-hellenic-studies/article/greek-mythology-some-new-perspectives/6294456C751A901AA918CD6BC0083134) as a way of relating common themes that speak to the human condition. One of my favorites is the Medusa story, sometimes referred to as “Perseus and the Gorgon Medusa”. The heroic tale of Perseus includes many elements of the classic Greek epic—sibling rivalry, a prophecy, an unexpected birth, lust, revenge, a quest, and the inescapable nature of fate.  It is, in its way, a morality tale, for it demonstrates how evil begets evil and the consequences of holding oneself as grander or cleverer than the gods. What follows is a story with lessons for all, men and woman alike. ## **Two Princes** In Hellos, there were two princes, Acrisius and Proetus.  They were twins born into great nobility and wealth.  Their lands were filled to overflowing with grazing animals, swift horses, honey bees, and fruitful vineyards.  They should have been the happiest of princes but they were terribly jealous of each other. Even from the day they were born, they fought each other and when they had grown, Acrisius drove his brother Proetus out of Hellos, taking all the land and its bounty for himself.  Proetus sailed off to a faraway land and brought back, not only a princess to marry, but a regiment of Cyclopes to fight Acrisius’ rule.  After a great deal of fighting, Acrisius and Proetus decided to split up the land and everyone hoped for peace. **More:** [Scorpio Symbols from astrology](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/) Acrisius did not welcome his brother’s presence in Hellos and continued to plot against him, but one day a soothsayer came to his court.  He told Acrisius that because he had raised his hand in anger against his brother, he would die by his own grandson’s hand one day. Hearing this, Acrisius hid his only daughter Danae in a cavern so she could never give him a grandson.  He applauded himself for thwarting the soothsayer’s prophecy. ## **Perseus’ Birth** To Acrisius’ astonishment and chagrin, Danae became pregnant even while hidden in the cavern. The king quickly called for a large chest to be made, and as soon as Danae gave birth to a baby boy she named Perseus, Acrisius had her and the baby put in the chest.  He then ordered his servants to toss them into the sea.  Once again, he prided himself on outwitting the gods. For several days, Danae and Perseus floated along in the sea.  The mother cried tear after tear while the baby slept.  Soon Danae grew so weary that she too fell asleep.  Time passed until Danae woke at the jolting of the chest against some rocks.  Looking up she saw a gray-bearded man with a crew of servants and a fishing net and spear in his hands.  She shouted to catch his attention and the man, startled, tossed the fishing net over her and Perseus and drew the chest into shore. When Danae found this man to be brother to the king of the island of Seriphos, she begged for shelter.  Her rescuer welcomed her to his home and he and his wife took her in as their own daughter and Perseus as their own grandchild.  Danae promised to weave and embroider as her contribution to the family.  She hoped for both her sake and Perseus’ to never see her father Acrisius again. ## **Perseus Grown** Fifteen years later, Perseus was a head taller than any man on Seriphos and more skilled in sports, music, and sailing than anyone else.  The people of Seriphos claimed he was not mortal but rather a child of the gods.  Perhaps, they said, it was Zeus himself who visited Danae in her cavern prison to conceive Perseus. Perseus set out on many adventures as a sailor and it was during one of these voyages that the king of Seriphos, Polydectes, decided he must have Danae for his wife.  Danae knew that Polydectes was not kind like his brother, but cruel and conniving.  She refused his offer of marriage and, enraged, he enslaved her in his house where she languished, weeping for Perseus’ return. **More:** [Pisces symbols and meaning](https://guycounseling.com/12-pisces-symbols-you-must-know/) Not knowing what had happened to his mother, Perseus sailed from island to island and one day had a dream that Pallas Athena, the goddess of wisdom and war, came to him and asked him if he were brave and strong enough to fight the monster, Medusa the Gorgon.  She showed him a mirror-like shield in which Medusa was reflected. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/PlPd6rSElff7W) Perseus was sickened by the face of the pale-cheeked woman with writhing snakes for hair, leathery wings, and claws for hands, and he told Athena that he would gladly hunt and kill a monster like the Gorgon.  Athena was pleased to hear this, but said he was still too young and must return to Seriphos at once because his mother was in danger. Perseus returned home and freed his mother, thereby making an enemy of the king.  Polydectes schemed against Perseus, hitting upon a way to remove Perseus.  He held a party and invited all the noblemen of the kingdom, also inviting Perseus. All the guests brought presents for the king, and when Perseus, too poor to afford a gift, arrived with nothing, everyone jeered at him.  Angry and embarrassed, Perseus swore he would bring the best present of all: the head of the Gorgon.  The king promptly banished Perseus until he delivered what he had promised. ## **The Quest for the Gorgon** Determined to bring back the Gorgon’s head but not knowing how to accomplish this, Perseus went to the cliffs above the sea and called to Pallas Athena.  In moments, she appeared along with Hermes, the messenger of the gods.  Perseus marveled at the winged sandals on Hermes’ feet and at the sword fashioned from a single diamond in his hands.  Athena praised Perseus for rescuing his mother and agreed that he should fight the Gorgon Medusa. She told Perseus how Medusa had once been a beautiful but prideful woman who had been turned into a monster with vipers for hair, eagle’s claws for hands, and scales of brass and iron.  Medusa’s heart was so cold and hateful that every living thing she looked at turned to stone.  Perseus swore he would kill the Gorgon but had no idea of how to do it. Athena gave Perseus her mirror-bright shield, telling him to look at Medusa only in its reflective surface while fighting her.  She gave him a goatskin to bundle her head into, and instructed him to find the three Gray Sisters at the top of the world. Perseus took the shield and the goatskin, but asked how he could journey there without a ship.  Hermes then gave Perseus his winged sandals, as well as his diamond-edged sword. Strapping the sandals to his feet and taking the sword, shield, and goatskin in hand, Perseus felt himself lifted into the air and whisked along toward the north where the three Gray Sisters lived, sharing one eye and one tooth among them. **More:** [Aquarius man personality traits](https://guycounseling.com/aquarius-personality-traits-compatibility-ultimate-guide/) Perseus asked for their help, but they shunned him, being cousins to the Titans and the Gorgons and no friend to mortals or the gods on Olympus.  Perseus watched for his chance and when one of the sisters handed him the eye by mistake, he snatched it up and held it for the ransom of assistance.  The three sisters told Perseus how to find Atlas, thus starting him off on a seven-year journey. Perseus traveled on and on until he found Atlas and his nieces, the Nymphs, who danced around a tree of golden fruit and sang to the dragon that circled it.  Atlas, weary of holding the heaven apart from the earth for all time, made Perseus promise that he would show him the face of the Gorgon on his return so he might be turned to stone. Perseus gave his vow and Atlas sent one of his nieces down to Hades to recover the hat of darkness, so that Perseus could draw near the Gorgons without being seen.  Perseus donned the hat and vanished from sight. Perseus flew on again until he found the Gorgons’ island and hovered over them, looking at their reflections in Athena’s shield.  Medusa’s fellow Gorgons were sleeping soundly, snoring heavily like enormous hogs, but Medusa was tossing and turning, her beautiful face full of pain and suffering. ![Perseus Constellation](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9c/Sidney_Hall_-_Urania%27s_Mirror_-_Perseus.jpg)Perseus Constellation ## **Perseus Slices Off Head of Medusa**  Perseus felt sorry for her and did not want to take off her head, but when the snakes that made up her hair began to hiss and strike at him, he sliced off her head and bundled it into the goatskin.  Once again, he took flight on the winged sandals, outracing the angry Gorgons awakened by Medusa’s flowing blood. And then he headed homeward, but first stopped to show the Gorgon’s head to Atlas so he would turn to stone and never again feel the burden of shouldering the heavens. ## **Perseus Finds a Wife** As Perseus flew home, drops of Medusa’s blood fell to the deserts below him and each one turned into a poisonous viper.  He flew over deserts and valleys and mountains ever onward toward his homeland and the winged sandals never wavered from their course. Perseus wished to land and walk around a bit, so when he saw a tall cliff by the sea, he circled a while and then began to descend.  But a pale figure on a ledge of the cliff caught his eye so he hovered nearer. Perseus was surprised to see a young woman chained to the rock, flinching from the sea spray and crying for her mother.  She could not see him since the hat of darkness was still upon his head, so he drew nearer still.  Landing on the ledge next to the girl, Perseus took off his hat and she screamed to see him suddenly appear. He calmed her and cut through her chains with his sword, telling her that now she was free and should come with him.  But she cried even harder and said she had been put there as a sacrifice to the sea gods. Her name was Andromeda and her mother Queen Cassiopeia had boasted one to many times of her daughter’s beauty so that the goddess of the fishes and her brother, the god of fire had laid waste to their kingdom. Perseus only laughed, and when the sea monster reared up out of the waves to devour Andromeda, he held Medusa’s head aloft so that it turned to stone.  Pallas Athena appeared then and took back the sword and shield, the hat of darkness and the winged sandals, telling Perseus that he had done well and that Andromeda was his reward. Andromeda was very pleased to go with Perseus, and led him over the rocks to her parent’s home.  The king and queen were so grateful to Perseus that they agreed to let him marry Andromeda and gave him a ship and soldiers and sailors to help him make his way home. ## **Perseus Returns Home** Perseus and his new bride sailed back to Seriphos and found his mother and adoptive family well and happy to see him.  Perseus took his goatskin bundle to the castle where Polydectes was feasting with his nobles.  When the king saw Perseus, he scoffed at him for making promises he could not fulfill. The nobles also laughed, but when Perseus pulled the Gorgon’s head from the goatskin, they began to grow rigid, until finally everyone at the table was solid stone.  Perseus gave the kingdom over to his adoptive grandfather and sailed away toward the home of his birth with his wife and mother. When Perseus reached Argos, he found his uncle Proetus had driven his grandfather Acrisius from his lands.  Perseus quickly reclaimed the kingdom and went in search of Acrisius.  He found him on an island in the midst of sporting games and decided to win his grandfather’s affection by showing his agility, speed, and strength. Acrisius sat on the dais with the island’s king and marveled along with everyone else at the sporting prowess of this stranger.  When Perseus threw the javelin farther than anyone else, all the spectators shouted for him to throw it even farther. Perseus gave a mighty toss, but just then a wind sprang up and carried the javelin off-course.  It landed on Acrisius’ foot and before Perseus could reach him, the old man died. And so Perseus unknowingly fulfilled the prophecy delivered to Acrisius by the soothsayer so many years before.  No one blamed Perseus as the javelin had been directed by the gods, but Perseus mourned the loss of his chance to reconcile with his grandfather. He returned to his homeland to reign for many years with Andromeda and his mother by his side. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=1426308442&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1426308442/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1426308442&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=9f64f600f904f85eaf17cd98230f2a2e)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1426308442) **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Astrology, Constellation, Mythology, Zodiac --- ### [How Many Calories are in a Fast Food Cheeseburger?](https://guycounseling.com/how-many-calories-are-in-a-cheeseburger-and-what-about-fat/) **Published:** February 21, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![calories in a cheeseburger](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/cheeseburger.jpg?resize=960%2C632&ssl=1 "cheeseburger") ## Calories in a Cheeseburger If you are like a lot of guys (and gals), you no doubt like the occasional [cheeseburger](http://psp.sagepub.com/content/3/4/575.short). What’s not to love about these often greasy mouthfuls of pure beef, smothered on top with a nice slice of American cheese? But have you ever wondered how many calories are in a cheeseburger? And what about the fat content – just how many grams are we talking about? The answer to those questions isn’t as black and white as you might think. While there may be generic numbers on the number of calories in a hamburger available on the Internet, most of the material you will find is based on a number of assumptions. And you know what – most of those assumptions are wrong. What follows is a breakdown of how many calories are in a cheeseburger – with fat content – based on a number of variables. I’m going to walk you through a little history of this food item and then lay all of the information out in a way that’s you arrive at the true answer about the caloric value of a cheeseburger you so desperately desire. And to keep it real, you probably want to know this information because you recently chomped down on a cheeseburger and are feeling guilty. This makes sense since we are taught from the cradle that cheeseburgers are “junk food”. The truth is, however, that not all cheeseburgers are. Are you ready to learn more about how many calories are in a cheeseburger? Let’s jump right in! ## Cheeseburger: What is it? ![cheeseburgers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/what-is-in-a-cheeseburger.jpg?resize=338%2C236&ssl=1 "what is in a cheeseburger") ## **What is a cheeseburger – really?** Before we can explore the number of calories in a cheeseburger, it might be helpful to first understand what, exactly, a cheeseburger is. As a working definition, a cheeseburger is nothing more than a hamburger dressed up with a piece of cheese on it. So what’s in a hamburger? Well, at its core, a hamburger is a beef patty that comes from a cow that is cooked and placed between two pieces of bread, also referred to as a bun. You may be wondering why this is important information to know? The answer is because currently, there exists literally hundreds of different types of hamburgers and cheeseburgers on the marketplace. Just walk into any fast-food restaurant and you will see a large contingent of different selections. Here is just a small sampling: - Pure beef patty cheeseburger - Greek style cheeseburger - Garden vegetable cheeseburger - Caesar cheeseburger - Low-fat cheeseburger - Cheeseburger with American cheese - Cheeseburger with Swiss Cheese - Cheeseburger ketchup - Cheeseburger with mayonnaise - Cheeseburger with mustard ## McDonald's Cheeseburger Example ![cheeseburgers how many calories and fat](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Cheeseburger-1.jpg?resize=338%2C236&ssl=1 "Cheeseburger (1)") ## **Cheeseburger Calorie Basics (360) Calories)** Assuming you get a basic cheeseburger from a fast food chain, the calorie count is going to be around **350 calories** and **16 grams of fat**. There is a HUGE caveat here. Those numbers will largely depend on what fast food restaurant you get that burger from! In addition, the “extras” you put on that cheeseburger will no doubt push up the calorie and fat count. Let’s take a deeper look and you will see what I mean. A Burger King Fire Grilled Bacon cheeseburger reportedly had only 290 calories. But that just includes the beefy patty, the melted piece of cheese and the bun. Oh, and the piece or two of bacon they toss on. That doesn’t seem too bad and is, in fact, a smaller caloric number than the “average” as previously mentioned. But who has a cheeseburger like that without all the fixings? FYI: Remember, anytime they take these caloric measurements, they do so under clinical situations where each and every morsel is weighed and analyzed like crazy. For the regular Joe who is actually putting those cheeseburgers together, they aren’t all that concerned with portions. For example, in the clinical setting, a scientist will smear a dime sized amount of mayo on the bun. In a fast food restaurant where burgers are made on what is basically a human conveyer belt, the mayo is slapped on with a utensil, like a knife or spoon. Not too different than what you might do at home. ## Dairy Queen Flame Thrower Burger ![dairy queen burger](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/dairy-queen-burger.jpg?resize=467%2C350&ssl=1 "dairy-queen-burger") ## **High Calorie and High Fat Cheeseburgers (1,010 Calories)** Here is the REAL type of cheeseburger most people eat – particularly guys. Dairy Queen has what is called the *Flame Thrower Grill Burger*. It has **1,010 calories** and **71 grams** of total fat! Now how come those high caloric and fat numbers climbed so high? Well, look at what you are getting here. You are getting two patties that are around half a pound. You are getting all of the fixings, including globs of mayonnaise that just drive the fat number sky high. And then you throw in the cheese, lettuce, bacon, ketchup, tomatoes and pickles. Add it all up and you have an extreme burger. Honestly, you probably should be careful eating something like this if you suffer from a heart condition. I can just see the artery clogging happening in my mind’s eye right now! Oh, I didn’t make this one up. It came from the folks at [Business Insider](http://www.businessinsider.com/10-worst-burgers-from-americas-biggest-fast-food-burger-chains-2014-4). ## Sonic SuperSONIC Bacon Double Cheeseburger ![Sonic SuperSONIC Bacon Double Cheeseburger](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/sirloin-cheeseburger-1.jpg?resize=430%2C322&ssl=1 "sirloin-cheeseburger-1") ## **Even Higher Calorie Cheeseburgers (1,240 Calories)** If you can believe it, there is a burger that is even higher in calories than the previously mentioned one. The *Supersonic Bacon Double Cheeseburger* contains **1,240 calories** on average and has a mind blowing **87 grams of fat**. And we haven’t even thrown in the sodium (salt) count at **1,690 mg**. Did you know that generally speaking, we’re only supposed to be ingesting 65 grams of fat per day here in the United States (on average)? If you eat this burger, you are surpassing that fat intake by over 20 grams. On the calorie front, we are only supposed to be taking in 2000 calories per day (again, we are talking averages). If you eat this burger, you are taking in over half of those daily requirements in just one ## Hardees Monster Thickburger ![hardees thick burger](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/hardees-thick-burger.jpg?resize=405%2C304&ssl=1 "hardees thick burger") ## **Ridiculously High Calorie Cheeseburger (1,290 Calories)** If you really want to get your fat ass on and just call no joy, reach for the *Hardees Monster Thickburger*. This cheeseburger has 1,290 calories and 92 grams of fat. Just writing those numbers makes my stomach churn. It’s called a monster for reason because it weighs 2/3 LBS! It also has 2,840 milligrams of sodium, which exceeds the recommended amount of salt intake by a large amount. Generally speaking, 2,300 mg of sodium is what is suggested for most Americans and that’s [pushing the upper limits](http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/fda-recommended-sodium-intake-1873.html) according to the FDA. So if you eat this cheeseburger, you are taking in over half of the calories that are suggested and exceeding fat intake by almost 30 grams. You are also surpassing the recommended salt intake by 540 mg. Wow! FYI: None of these numbers include what typically goes along with a cheeseburger; namely fries, onion rings or sodas. ## **Harm Reduction Cheeseburger** If you want to avoid all of the massively high calories and fat content in a cheeseburger from a fast food restaurant, you can practice a bit of harm reduction. You may be wondering what that means? Well, harm reduction is a fancy way of engaging in a risky behavior while minimizing risks. Here is how you order it: - No mayonnaise - Only yellow mustard - No bacon - No pickles If you order it this way, you will shave off half the fat content and reduce the calories by nearly 10 grams and the calories by nearly 60. It’s still going to be an unhealthy cheeseburger in most cases but a lot better than going full bore and loading it up with all of the fixings. ## Healthy Burger Alternative: Turkey Burger ![turkey burger](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/turkey-burger.jpg?resize=410%2C310&ssl=1 "turkey burger") ## **Cheeseburger Low Calories & Fat Alternative** There are other options for you to consider if you want to get your cheeseburger on in a healthier way. It will take a little work on your part but if you are willing to make it yourself, you can do it. This is something to consider if you don’t want to [blow your workout](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-nutrition-and-fat-10-faqs/) to smithereens. First, ditch the ground beef. Second, toss out the mayonnaise. Third, get rid of the white bread hamburger bun. Instead, follow these directions after picking up the ingredients. *Turkey Burger* - 1 LB of lean, ground turkey - ½ cub of sundried tomatoes, drained and chopped - 2 gloves of garlic, minced - 2 tsp of vegetable oil - Package of whole grain buns - Bottle of Heinz low sodium catchup - 3 oz Gorgonzola cheese or similar (chopped) 1. Use a grill or George Foreman Type [plug in grill](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00LU2HXP2/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00LU2HXP2&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=D4LDZ4MCP7NQ5FDJ) ($39.00 – $40.00). Toss in first 5 ingredients with a little pepper to taste in a bowl. Lightly mix together and form your patties (ingredients are enough for six burgers). Brush them all with oil. 2. Grill your burgers for 5 minutes per side or until internal temp is around 165°F. Toast your buns for around 2 minutes. Serve burgers on buns; add lettuce if you want. \*Per serving: 292 cal, 10 g fat (4 g sat), 26 g carbs, 4.5 g fiber, 520 mg sodium, 27 g protein ## **Cheeseburger Poll** Just for fun, I have included a cheeseburger poll on this page. It’s not scientific or anything. Think of it as a way of gauging how many cheeseburgers you eat per month compared to your fellow website visitors. Be sure to come back to see how your selection compares to others. ## Cheeseburger Myths ![alpha myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/myths.gif?resize=291%2C216&ssl=1 "Alpha Male Myths") ## **Myths about Cheeseburgers** Here are some common myths about cheeseburgers that seem to be floating around the Internet. You might find some of these fun and others just crazy weird. - Cheeseburgers cause impotency - Cheeseburgers help you to lose weight - Cheeseburgers increase testosterone - Cheeseburgers are the food of body builders - People with green eyes shouldn’t eat cheeseburgers - People with blue eyes should eat cheeseburgers - Cheeseburgers have been around since the time of ancient Greece - Cheeseburgers were a favorite of early Christians ## **Calories In a Cheeseburger Final Thoughts** This informational article really just touched the surface on what you can expect calorie-wise regarding cheeseburgers. If you are a fitness minded person, you probably won’t be eating lots of these. Although sometimes they are unavoidable. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0385345623&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385345623/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0385345623&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=XAOIPXTCQZ7WLAS2)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0385345623) Should you have time to prepare your own meals, a great book to consider picking up is authored by Gina Homolka and is called: *The [Skinnytaste Cookbook](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0385345623/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0385345623&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=GDFCJT3ZFPBDJQNH): Light on Calories, Big on Flavor* ($18.00). Inside, you will find page after page of recipes that register low on the calorie front and high on taste. This is a great resource for body builders and fitness enthusiasts alike! Bon Apatite! **Categories:** Nutrition **Tags:** Cheeseburger --- ### [10 Reasons Why You Stopped Smoking](https://guycounseling.com/10-reasons-why-you-stopped-smoking/) **Published:** January 1, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![10 reasons why you stopped smoking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/10-reasons-why-you-stopped-smoking.jpg?resize=693%2C462&ssl=1) ## **Why You Stopped Smoking** Have you **stopped smoking**? Are you struggling right now with keeping your promise to stay smoke-free? If so, you are not alone. Millions of people make a personal commitment to rid themselves of an addiction to cigarettes each year because they know it is the best thing they can do for their health. But here is the thing that is often left out of the stop smoking equation. Having an addiction to cigarettes means working through powerful psychological, physiological and social challenges. Few people realize this but nicotine is one of the most [addictive drugs](http://archpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=495583) known to man. In fact, there has been some research to suggest that nicotine itself is more addictive than cocaine, heroin and crack. And so the reason I am writing this post is to help those of you who are working to overcome your addiction to cigarettes. My hope in publishing this list for remaining smoke free (aka stopping smoking) is to provide a resource you can call upon whenever you need some a mental boost about why you tossed that pack of smokes in the first place. Before checking out this list, I should will share with you that I smoked for over 30-years. This is an embarrassing thing to admit, given how much I try to promote wellness and health. But that’s the thing about addiction – it often makes no sense and flies in the face of logic and common sense. Here are 10 reasons why you stopped smoking. No, they may not be your exact, specific reasons but I strongly suspect they will touch upon areas you can relate to. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![10 reasons you stopped smoking](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/10-facts-nutiriton-body-building.jpg?resize=513%2C385&ssl=1)10 Reasons You Stopped Smoking ## **1. Stopped Smoking for Health** This is perhaps the primary reason you decided to stop smoking. You already know from the research that smoking harms nearly [every organ in the body](http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/fast_facts/) and leads to millions of deaths each year. Nobody is immune from the damages smoking causes, regardless of other family members who report to be long time tobacco users. Eventually, an addiction to cigarettes *will* catch up with you. To believe otherwise is to engage in wishful thinking. ## **2. Stopped Smoking for Family** Many people, perhaps just like you, decided to stop smoking because they know cigarette smoke is harmful to the people they live with. Here, we are talking about spouses, significant others, children and even pets. When you smoke around the people you love, you are in fact [killing them](http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/secondhand_smoke/health_effects/). ## **3. Stopped Smoking for Financial Reasons** The decision to stop smoking for financial reasons is often cited by people as a reason for quitting. Depending upon what [city you live](http://fairreporters.net/health/prices-of-cigarettes-by-state/) in, cigarettes can cost upwards of $10.00 a pack. And as we all know, each year the cost of cigarettes keeps climbing. It is not uncommon for some people in large cities like Chicago to spend $20.00 a day (or more) on two packs of cigarettes, which equates to $140.00 a week or over $7,000 a year. ## **4. Stopped Smoking for Vanity** If you decided to stop smoking because you wanted to preserve your skin’s appearance and [slow down the aging](https://guycounseling.com/mens-skin-care-10-tips-to-fight-wrinkles-signs-of-aging/) process, you wouldn’t be alone. The reality is that smoking cigarettes greatly accelerates aging, causing wrinkled skin, facial anomalies and even [balding](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-496326/Smoking-turns-men-bald-new-research-claims.html). Nobody wants to be told they look “old”, particularly if they are in the prime of their life. And smoking is terrible if you struggle with [baggy eyes and dark circles](https://guycounseling.com/5-tips-to-get-rid-of-dark-circles-and-bags-under-eyes/). ## **5. Stopped Smoking for More Energy** Lots of people list a desire to have more energy when they make the decision to stop smoking. This makes sense when you consider that cigarettes rob the body of much needed nutrients and vitamins. As a former smoker, you probably remember how difficult it was to scale stairs, walk long distances or engage in meaningful exercise. If you lift weights, stopping smoking likely added a much needed energy boost to your [strength training program](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/). ## **6. Stopped Smoking Because of Embarrassment** There used to be a time when smoking was a socially acceptable behavior. Those days are long gone. To keep it real, people who smoke are now treated like second hand citizens, forced to engage in their dirty habit away from others in designated areas. Ask anybody who smokes right now and they will tell you they are highly embarrassed about their addiction. Aren’t you glad you aren’t part of that crowd? ## **7. Stopped Smoking for Dating** This particular reason may seem shallow and relates in some ways to points four and six. To make a long story short, some people stop smoking because they realize their chances of meeting someone of quality highly increase if they identify as non-smokers. The reality is that [smokers find it very hard](http://bigthink.com/dollars-and-sex/why-smokers-cant-get-a-date) to attract others when it comes to dating. If you pick up the habit again, you significantly reduce your dating potential – big time. ## **8. Stopped Smoking Because of a Health Scare** Have you had a health scare, such as a heart attack, stroke or some other medical issue attributable to smoking? If so, it probably freighted the living daylights out of you and served as a powerful motivator to quitting. Keep this one in mind if you find yourself toying around with the idea of lighting up again. ## **9. Stopped Smoking Because it Stinks** Isn’t this one big time true? The smell of cigarettes is just nasty. When you used to smoke, you probably didn’t notice how gross tobacco smoke was. Now that you have stopped, the stench will likely strike you as repugnant. The smell attaches itself to your clothing, your furniture and even your skin. If you need a reminder, just take a walk around a group of people and see which people you can identify as smokers. The smell is powerful – and disgusting. ## **10. Stopped Smoking to Regain Control** The final reason you may have stopped smoking relates to wanting to grab back control of your life. Areas include wanting more control over time, personal power and by extension – self-esteem. Think about how much time you would spend smoking – and preparing to smoke. Morning, noon and night, cigarettes controlled pretty much everything, including where you went and who you spent time with. ## **Final Thoughts** If you are struggling right now to keep your quit, consider reaching out to others for support. You can do it online for free. One resource to consider is [Quitnet.com](http://www.quitnet.com/). Here, you can join others who are going through similar struggles that you are. There’s also lots of apps you can download to your smartphone. Just do a search for “Stop Smoking” and you will find many that will pop up. You may have to experiment with several of them to figure out which one works best for your needs. And don’t forget, counseling for addiction can also be a powerful way to help you work through your cravings. Hopefully, the material presented here was helpful. Be sure to bookmark in case you need some quick reminders about why you decided to stop in the first place. One day at a time – and sometimes – one minute at a time. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Stop Smoking --- ### [7 Signs of Anabolic Steroid Addiction You Can’t Ignore!](https://guycounseling.com/7-signs-of-anabolic-steroid-addiction-you-cant-ignore/) **Published:** November 24, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![anabolic steroids abuse addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/steroid-addicton.jpg?resize=499%2C313&ssl=1) ## Anabolic Steroid Abuse & Addiction Even though anabolic steroids were initially created to help with specific medical conditions that affected the natural presence of testosterone in the body, it was quickly determined that these synthetic hormones could encourage muscular growth. This discovery that anabolic steroids could facilitate muscular growth in the 1930s led to an entirely new world of drug abuse, with everyone from the average guy at the gym to well-known athletes, in which people abusing the drugs often thought they were only doing something for physical gain. However, anabolic steroid abuse is a big deal and can have negative implications on your physical health and [mental health](http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/05/21/abuse-of-anabolic-steroids-tied-to-mental-health-problems/55093.html). According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, use of steroids can turn into an addiction for some people. So how do you know if you have developed a dependency upon steroids? From my experience a counselor working with body builders and athletes, there are seven specific signs that should not go unnoticed. These signs may apply to you or perhaps someone you know. Avoid trying to “diagnose” when you read these. Instead, simply absorb the material and consider these through the lens of self-compassion. Are you ready, let’s jump right in! ![7](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/7.jpg?resize=475%2C356&ssl=1)7 Signs Steroid Addiction ### 1. Continued Use of Steroids in the Face of Negative Consequences The telltale trademark of addiction of almost any kind is feeling the need or desire to use a substance even though you know that doing so will negatively affect your life, body, mind, in a negative way. If you start to feel like your desire to take anabolic steroids is outweighing your own good judgment, it is a good sign that you are already dealing with an addiction and should seek help. ### 2. Physically Craving the Anabolic Steroids After you have given your body anabolic steroids over a span of time, your body grows accustomed to receiving these synthetic hormones in regular intervals. If you are in tune with what your body does and how it reacts, you will immediately notice when you start physically craving the steroids. This is often indicated by an overwhelming urge to use emotionally, and even physical symptoms of craving the drug, such as feeling jittery and anxious when you don’t have them. This is different than normal stress so be sure to [read my post on this topic](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/). ### 3. Spending Lots of Time and Money to Obtain Steroids Anabolic steroids are available legally by prescription only for specific medical conditions. However, there is a huge “black market” for steroids. Buying them in this way is almost always illegal. Worse, you run the risk of obtaining a substance that may not be pure. In other words, you really don’t know what is inside of the vial or bottle. ### 4. Negative Behavioral Changes Anabolic steroids are infamous for causing personality changes with long-term users or users who are taking high doses. This symptom is so common that there is even a term for the aggressive characteristics cause by steroids, which is ‘roid-rage’. You may notice that you have a shorter fuse than ever, reacting upon negative emotions with the slightest agitation. Steroid users often have manic episodes, involving extreme episodes of anger and aggression or even dopamine-fueled levels of euphoria. ### 5. Depression [Depression](https://guycounseling.com/7-types-depression-might-surprise/) is another classic indicator of steroid abuse, even though you may not hear as much about this symptom as others. Depression is often linked to low testosterone levels in men, which means if you are coming off of a cycle of steroids, depression is likely. During the downswing when the steroids are being reduced, your body may respond by not properly encouraging natural testosterone production. Long-time users usually see erratic patterns in testosterone levels all the time, which means there could also be apparent signs of depression. ### 6. Symptoms of Steroid Withdrawal Once you have been on steroids for a long period of time, your body starts to believe that it must need these synthetic hormones to function normally. Therefore, when you suddenly stop taking the drugs, your body may react negatively. The slight symptoms of withdrawal, such as feeling drained and having a difficult time focusing, may be disregarded as unimportant in the beginning. But over the course of time, it could be a sign that your body is has become physically dependent on the steroids. This means the withdrawal symptoms might become worse. Some people report: - Nausea and vomiting - Nervousness and anxiety - Inability to concentrate - Irritability - Fever, chills, and sweating - Weight loss ### 7. Sudden Social and Life Changes Even though you may see that your personality changes somewhat when you are taking steroids, you likely will not realize a big difference. What you will start to notice with a steroid addiction, however, is that your social interactions are changing. Because you are consumed with obtaining and using the steroids, you will lose focus on familial relationships and the more important aspects of life, such as work or school. You may notice that you would prefer to be alone or at the gym than spend time with those you love and you commonly disregard commitments. If you start to see sudden social changes, it is a good sign that you are possibly dealing with an addiction to anabolic steroids. Long-term steroid abuse can lead to many dangerous medical issues and psychological problems. It is never a good idea to seek steroids as the answer to achieving physical goals or enhancing your athletic stamina. I know many guys (and women) who use them. While they may offer short term gains, the long term consequences are simply not worth it. There are much more effective ways to reach your goals without causing your body harm, such as through the use of [sports psychology](https://guycounseling.com/sports-athletic-counseling-for-peak-performance-chicago/), focused athletic training, and even counseling for peak performance. If you believe that you are struggling with an addiction to anabolic steroids, make sure you seek help from a professional. You can also call Guy Counseling at 773.704.5300. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Steroids --- ### [Relationship Addiction: 40 Signs + Steps to Healing](https://guycounseling.com/relationship-addiction-40-signs-steps-to-healing/) **Published:** November 21, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![relationship addiction signs symptoms. Dr. John D. Moore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/relationship-addiction.jpg?resize=520%2C325&ssl=1 "relationship-addiction") ## **Relationship Addiction 101** **Relationship addiction** – does it really exist? If you believe in the concept of [process addictions](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3354400/), the answer is yes. And while it is true that the components of an addiction to substances vs. a process (behavioral) are vastly different, the primary characteristics of compulsive behaviors remain the same. While the exact causes of relationship addiction are unknown, my own personal research suggests that the root causes are multi-factorial in nature, commonly including: **1)** Feelings of low self-esteem; **2)** Inconsistent nurturing during childhood; **3)** Unhealthy emotional role models; **4)** Misguided beliefs on what relationships should look like, largely influenced by the popular media and; **5)** Growing up in an alcoholic family. ## **Relationship Addiction – A Primer** This article will explore everything you ever wanted to know about relationship addiction. We will examine its key signs, characteristics and traits as part of our exploration. Along the way, we will also look at several relationship addict myths. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## What is Relationship Addiction? ![relationship love addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/love-addiction-relationship-addiction.jpg?resize=300%2C200&ssl=1 "love addiction relationship addiction") ## **What is Relationship Addiction?** One of the most popular questions I get from people who seek out my services for counseling, therapy and coaching in Chicago is: *What is relationship addiction*? First, it is important to recognize that “relationship addiction” per se’ is **not** a listed form of addiction in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). This point however, does not mean an addiction to relationships does not exist. It simply means a scientific consensus has yet to be collaboratively reached for inclusion.\[1\] What’s interesting to note is that in DSM-5, *Gambling Disorder* was included as an official, diagnosable condition. Does this mean “Relationship Addiction” will someday be included? Time will tell. ## **Relationship Addiction Defined** *Relationship addiction* can be defined a chronic, compulsive, unhealthy pattern of attachment to another person in pursuit of romantic love in order to validate feelings of self-worth and medicate insecurity. It is gender neutral, meaning it impacts men and woman equally – straight, gay or bi. ## Obsessive Love Wheel ![obsessive love wheel](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/obsessive-love-wheel.jpg?resize=300%2C272&ssl=1 "obsessive love wheel") ## **Obsessive Love Wheel: Obsessive Relational Attraction** Relationship addiction almost always follows a cyclical pattern as illustrated in the Obsessive Love Wheel below. Some refer to “Relationship Addiction” as a form of “Love Addiction”. If you want to use these terms interchangeably, that is OK. What’s important to remember is the cyclical, distinct behavioral pattern mentioned earlier. What follows is the *Obsessive Love Wheel* that I designed as part of [love addiction](http://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2014/10/are-you-a-love-addict-5-signs-you-simply-cant-ignore/) to represent *relational dependency* in my book, *Confusing Love with Obsession*. ## **1. Attraction Phase** - Instantly becoming “hooked” on a person’s looks - Often drawn to emotionally unavailable people - Magically assigning traits to the person they do not possess - Mistaking sex for intimacy and romantic love ## **2. Anxious Phase** - Overwhelming fear of abandonment - Need to constantly be “in touch” with the other person - Constant worry over “losing” the relationship - Strong feelings of mistrust start to emerge; often including unfounded thoughts of infidelity and cheating ## **3. Obsessive Phase** - Can’t stop thinking about the love interest; thoughts occupy most of the day. - Neurotic, compulsive behaviors, including rapid phone calls to the love interest’s home or work, “drive-bys” to see if person’s car is parked at a given location and cyber-monitoring. - Control tactics that are used to “guilt” the other person into spending more time together. - Withdrawal from social activities and relationships (friends, family, circle of support). ## **4. Destructive Phase** - Controlling behaviors begin to drive the love interest away. - Onset of depression, anxiety and loneliness. - Feelings of guilt and shame over toxic behaviors - Promises to change behavior in order to “win” the person back. - Potential abuse of alcohol and/or drugs to medicate emotional pain. ## Relationship Addiction - Obessive Love Song ## Signs of Relationship Addiction ![40 signs relationship addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/40-signs-relationship-addiction.gif?resize=300%2C185&ssl=1 "40 signs relationship addiction") ## **Relationship Addiction: 40 Key Signs and Traits** What follows are 40 key signs and traits of individuals who may live with some form of relationship addiction. Before going much further, I want to state here that behaviors can be caused by a number of other factors, including psychiatric issues, medical problems and even medications. That’s why it is always important to be examined by a physician to rule out medical causes for anything unusual. With that shared, I encourage you to read these signs for the purposes of self-reflection and not to “diagnose”. The traits listed do not appear in any particular order. In any event, read them all so that you are better able to comprehend their collective message. If you are noticing a 10 or more of these behaviors in the context of your relationships, it *may* suggest a problem. 1\. Attraction to emotionally distant people 2\. Constantly feeling rejected by the world 3\. Strong, ongoing feelings of insecurity 4\. Childhood history of emotional neglect and/or abuse 5\. Parents or caretakers who were alcoholics 6\. Constant need to “fix” other people and their problems 7\. Drawn to people who are in emotional chaos 8\. Attracted to people are extremely needy 9\. Rapid movement from attraction to attachment 10\. Willing to keep relationship going at any cost 11\. Massive gap in substantive, fulfilling personal relationships 12\. Constantly self-policing behaviors; fearful of upsetting love interest. 13\. Forgo personal needs/self-care in favor of love interest 14\. Unable to recognize personal their own needs 15\. Bottled up rage with frequent, angry outbursts 16\. Refusal to ask for help due to overwhelming guilt and shame 17\. Uncomfortable letting others do things for them 18\. Extreme euphoria at the start of a new relationship 19\. Constant need for affirmation from love interest 20\. Sex is about pleasing other person – not being pleased 21\. Need to constantly control dynamics in relationship 22\. Frequent bouts of depression and anxiety 23\. Other compulsive behaviors (alcohol, drugs, sex or all three) 24\. Strong people pleasing personality 25\. Engagement in learning helplessness; (“I can’t change”). 26\. Master manipulators who must always be in control 27\. Often play the “Victim Card” 28\. Constant quest for happiness – which remains elusive 29\. Feels “unlovable” and “unworthy” 30\. May use sex as a tool of control 31\. Hides self-perceived imperfections from the world 32\. Becomes quickly jealous of love interest 33\. Jeopardizes important relationships in pursuit of love interest (work, family friends) 34\. Continues to engage in obsessive behaviors in spite of increasingly harmful consequences 35\. Operates from a place of insecurity instead of equality in relationships 36 Holds unrealistic fantasies about love interest; assignment of traits they do not possess 37\. May hold extreme feelings of self-hatred, particularly after relationship collapses 38\. May attempt to medicate pain by jumping into a new relationship 39\. Addicted to the “newness” of a relationship and cuts it off when things begin to turn “stale”. 40\. Holds distortions about personal appearance – often describing themselves as “ugly”, “fat” or “unattractive”. ## Relationship Addict Poll Given interest in the topic, I thought I would make available a poll that allows you to select how many of the 40 relationship addiction traits apply to you or perhaps someone you know. The poll is not scientific and is not intended to diagnose a condition. ## Steps to Healing ![Relationship Addiction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/counseling-for-women.jpg?resize=400%2C350&ssl=1 "Grungy Nature. Abstract natural backgrounds with old paper added") ## **5 Steps to Break Free of Relationship Addiction** If any of the information appearing above seems familiar, you are not alone. One of the primary reasons people seek out counseling and therapy is directly related to issues involving romantic love. What I encourage folks to remember is fairly straight forward – *the way we love is learned*. There’s real hope in that statement because it implies that we can *relearn* how to love, which must begin with ourselves (that means you). What follows are five concrete steps for breaking free from relationship addiction. While these steps may seem simple that does not mean they are easy. If we are honest with ourselves, we recognize nothing is life is easy. **1.** Observe your behaviors through the lens of self-honesty **2.** Identify themes that regularly pop up (see 40 traits above) **3.** Look for historical themes that span the course of your life **4.** Educate yourself about relationship addiction and obsessive love. I’ve included my book, *[Confusing Love with Obsession below as a starting point](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592853560/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1592853560&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=ODYQQ5PCBE7HE4BI)*. **5.** Find a therapist who practices cognitive behavioral therapy and ideally includes aspects of *[Acceptance & Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/)***.** Psychology Today is a great place to start. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1592853560&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592853560/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1592853560&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=NIDK2ZTBXJSCK5IT)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1592853560) ## **Relationship Addict Myths** Because I believe humor can play an important role in any approach to wellness, I decided to list a few “myths” that I have run across over the years related to relationship addiction. - All relationship addicts are “borderlines” - Relationship addiction can be cured through hypnosis - Relationship addicts always are alcoholics - Relationship addicts are always drug addicts - Relationship addicts are “bipolar” - Relationship addicts can’t change - Most relationship [addicts are Scorpios](https://guycounseling.com/8-scorpio-sign-symbols-you-never-knew-about/) - Relationship addicts [usually have green eyes](https://guycounseling.com/green-eyes-learn-people-unique/) ## **Final Thoughts** One of the most important things you can do right now is to have compassion for yourself. We are all products of our past, synthesized into this very moment in time. But if we believe that life, which is a form of energy, is always changing … then we give ourselves permission to change as well. You are a beautiful person – even the parts of yourself that you may not like. Remember the past is the past – there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. We only have this moment. Real healing from addiction, regardless of type, happens when we spiritually connect with ourselves and whatever we identity as our higher power – including humanity. Dr. John D. Moore is author of *Confusing Love with Obsession*. The information shared in this article is not indented to act as medical or psychiatric advice and has been shared for informational purposes only. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Relationship Addiction --- ### [Wearing Amber Tinted Glasses May Help With Insomnia](https://guycounseling.com/amber-glasses-insomnia-help-12171/) **Published:** December 17, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/amber-glasses-man-sunglasses.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## New study may offer relief for insomnia suffers Do you spend time on your smartphone at night, browsing stories on Facebook? Before bed, do you watch videos on Hulu? If the answer is yes, you wouldn’t be alone. It is thought that nearly ninety-percent of Americans use some type of light emitting device, such as a tablet or phone, in the hours just before bed. What you may not know is that using these gadgets can interfere with your sleep and contribute to insomnia, according to [research](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0749597814000089). The intuitive answer is to skip the technology and do something else, like read a book. But are you really going to do this – particularly when mental bandwidth is lacking after a long day of work? Aware that people living with insomnia struggle with changing their ways, a group of researchers from Columbia University Medical Center decided to conduct an experiment. Specifically, they sought to reduce the negative effects of evening ambient light exposure while subjects used their blue light emitting gadgets. The study will appear in the January issue of *Journal of Psychiatric Research*. Tablets, smartphones and other wireless devices employ Light Emitting Diodes (LEDs), which have a strong wavelength in the blue portion of the light spectrum. **More:** [Learn about amber eyes](https://guycounseling.com/amber-eyes-golden-color/) That’s important to know because previous scientific research has demonstrated blue light at night suppresses melatonin and increases alertness, thereby interfering with the brain process that triggers drowsiness and sleep. Use of amber-tinted lenses acts as a blocking agent against blue light, which helps to mitigate these effects. The Columbia researchers, led by Ari Shechter, Ph.D., assistant professor of medical sciences, hypothesized that blocking blue light a few hours before bedtime could lead to improved sleep in people with insomnia. To test their theory, the investigators recruited 14 people with an insomnia diagnosis to partake in the small study. For seven consecutive nights, subjects wore wrap-around amber frames that blocked blue light or with clear placebo lenses for two hours before bedtime. Four weeks later, participants switched to the other set of glasses and repeated the protocol. The results were fascinating. Investigators discovered that participants got around 30 minutes extra sleep when they wore the amber lenses compared to the clear lenses. In self-reported surveys, subjects also indicated they slept better, longer, and sounder – after wearing amber frames – thereby reducing the severity of their insomnia. The findings were consistent with prior lines of research showing a benefit of blue-light-blocking lenses in improving sleep, but stressed replication of the research needs to happen in larger controlled studies, Shechter said. **More:** [How sleep enhances memory recall](https://guycounseling.com/sleep-memory-recall/) “Now more than ever we are exposing ourselves to high amounts of blue light before bedtime, which may contribute to or exacerbate sleep problems,” Shechter shared. “Amber lenses are affordable and they can easily be combined with other established cognitive and behavioral techniques for insomnia management.” Today, many smart-devices allow users to switch from blue-light to amber; something Shechter thinks is a good idea. “I do recommend using the amber setting on smartphones at night, in addition to manually reducing the brightness levels. But blue light does not only come from our phones. It is emitted from televisions, computers, and importantly, from many light bulbs and other LED light sources that are increasingly used in our homes because they are energy-efficient and cost-effective,” he said. “The glasses approach allows us to filter out blue-wavelength light from all these sources, which might be particularly useful for individuals with sleep difficulties,” adds Shechter. Wearing amber glasses also seemed to reduce blood pressure in the study participants, according to data previously published from this line of research in the September issue of Sleep Medicine). “Going forward, it will be interesting to examine whether this blue-light blocking approach can be useful for improving cardiovascular outcomes like hypertension in individuals with poor sleep.” Source: [EurekAlert/Journal of Psychiatric Research](https://www.eurekalert.org/) **Categories:** News **Tags:** Amber, eyes, Glasses, Insomnia, Light --- ### [5 Signs You Have Serious Male Body Image Issues](https://guycounseling.com/5-signs-you-have-serious-male-body-image-issues/) **Published:** October 25, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![muscle dysmorphia](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/muscle-dysmorphia-body-image-issues.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/muscle-dysmorphia-body-image-issues.jpg?ssl=1) ## Body Image Issues and Men Erick, a 25-year old sales junior executive has a problem. “Whenever I hang out with my friends to a night club, I feel totally invisible – as if I don’t even exist!” With a hint of frustration in his voice he adds, “Do you what it’s like to spend hours in the gym each week, only to be completely ignored by everyone? It sucks! I’ve started to call myself Casper the ugly ghost” Mike, a 33-year old body builder standing in front of a gym room mirror has a similar problem. “I do 300 crunches a day and spend more time lifting weights than I do at home. I’ve got a washboard stomach and a decent physique, with good size calves to boot. I even won a national body building competition last year. But the truth is I never feel big enough.” Shaking his head in disapproval while continuing to gaze at his reflection he adds, “The money I spend on grooming products is sending me to the poor house and to make matters worse, I just charged a few grand to my credit card to pay for upcoming cosmetic surgery.” Then suddenly he shouts, “Crap, look – a new wrinkle!  Honestly, I just hate the way I look!” Can you relate to Erick and Mike’s experiences? When you go out in public, do you feel unattractive, perhaps even ugly? In social settings, are there times that you become extremely anxious, believing that others find you hideously unattractive? If so, take heart because you are not alone. The truth is that for many men, concerns regarding personal body image are a very real concern.  To be sure, moderate attention to one’s own personal appearance is healthy and quite normal. However, there is a fine between healthy and harmful. So you may now be asking, “How can I tell the difference?” Below are 5 warning signs that are designed to help you decide. Bear in mind that these should not be considered a complete list and need to be examined in the totality of presenting behaviors. [![fear of intimacy five reasons](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=523%2C331&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?ssl=1) ### 1. You have serious anxiety about your appearance when in public Do you always feel anxious whenever out in public, perhaps fearing that others are staring at you because of a self-perceived body flaw? Have you experienced “panic attacks” while in social settings, causing you to become so self-conscious that you have begun to avoid going out altogether, including routine jaunts with friends and family? If so, this may suggest a more serious problem known as Social Phobia. The typical traits of Social Phobia can include the avoidance of social situations due to overwhelming fears that others are watching you because of a self-perceived physical defect. Often however, the defect is imagined. ### 2. You frequently feel unattractive or “ugly” Do you feel that others find you unattractive, despite being told opposite by those in your immediate circle? On most days, do you avoid looking into the mirror because you have come to believe that the site of your reflection is “ugly” or even “grotesque”? This particular characteristic may indicate what many mental health professionals refer to as a negative self-concept. If allowed to worsen, it can cause severe depression or in extreme cases, lead to thoughts of self-harm. It may also signify another condition known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), which brings us to our next warning sign. ### 3. You focus on perceived deficits on a regular basis Do you find it impossible to stay away from the mirror on most days because you have an overwhelming urge to look at “image defects”? Do you try to conceal these defects from the world, using toning products (make-up) or clothing? Do you avoid social settings because you believe this self-described defect is too revolting for others to see? If you answered yes to these questions, you may be suffering from BDD. For people who suffer from this condition, the self-described defect is often an illusion, but none the less can lead to critically low self-esteem, unnecessary medical procedures (surgeries) and in many cases, severe depression. ### 4. You never feel “Big” enough – even though you constantly workout Do you spend several hours each day at the gym, six to seven times per week? Have you used un-prescribed steroids or other chemical growth enhancers with the goal of packing on muscle because you believe that you are underdeveloped? Do you skip important life obligations, such as work or family gatherings in order to keep your gym appointment? If you answered yes to these questions, then you may be living with Muscle Dysmorphia (MD). In short, MD is usually diagnosed when a man has at least two of these symptoms: **1)** Gives up important work, social, or leisure activities because of a compulsive need to maintain a workout or diet schedule. **2)** Avoids situations when body is exposed to others, or endures those situations with stress or anxiety. **3)** Experiences significant distress or is unable to function day to day because of a preoccupation with body size or musculature. **4)** Continues to work out, diet, and/or use performance-enhancing substances despite knowledge of negative affects. If you exhibit two or more of these characteristics, MD may be at play. ### 5. You Can’t stop comparing your body to other guys This final point is probably the most obvious on the list of symptoms but it needs to be mentioned anyone because of its importance. If you are constantly comparing your physique to other men in a way that is almost obsessive, consider it a pretty good sign you are dealing with some major body image issues. This is particularly true if you have unrealistic expectations about what is achievable and what’s simply not possible. [See body types](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) for more insight. ### **What can you do?** Giving proper attention to your personal appearance is part of good physical hygiene. The truth is, we all want to appear attractive and look our best. However, when concerns over personal appearance cause significant emotional distress or interfere with things you once enjoyed, take a few moments to consider the possibility that there may be a more serious problem at hand. If you found yourself relating to one or more of these four warning signs, it may be time to get professional help. Counseling and therapy can help you to put your thoughts into a more realistic perspective. Here is the deal – many times, body image issues become so woven into the daily fabric of our daily lives that we are often unaware of the harm being inflicted – both emotionally and physically. In your search for guidance, be sure to seek out a licensed mental health professional who specializes in body image issues. My best advice is to find someone who uses a cognitive-behavioral approach to counseling with the ultimate goal of changing faulty thought processes and replacing them with more healthy, positive ones. ### **Body Image Book for Guys** There is no shame in having body image issues. The problem is that as guys, we are taught not to be concerned about our appearance. In truth – most of us are but just won’t admit it. And thanks to stereotypical societal norms, men have been conditioned not to speak about concerns over personal appearance with others – particularly other guys. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00HRE5BLU&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HRE5BLU/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00HRE5BLU&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=42MOR5N44AVN2AO2)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00HRE5BLU) One book I would like to recommend is *The [Adonis Complex](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HRE5BLU/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00HRE5BLU&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=2W7D2FFMB5Y6OWDD)*. Inside, you will find page after page of insight on male body image issues, muscle dysmorphia and “bigorexia”. It’s a must read for any guy who struggles with feeling their size. It’s also a great resource for anyone involved with a man who may be struggling with the issues mentioned above. I hope you found the material in this article useful. Please feel free to share with others – particularly any of your buddies who may be struggling with male body image issues. Thanks for stopping by Men’s Culture! **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Bigorexia, Body Image, Muscle Dysmorphia --- ### [Fact of Fiction: 5 Common Body Building Myths](https://guycounseling.com/fact-of-fiction-5-common-body-building-myths/) **Published:** October 25, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![body building myths](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Body-Building-Myths.jpg?resize=500%2C477&ssl=1) ## **5 Common Body Building Myths**  If I stop working out, all the muscle I built will turn into fat, right? In order to pack on muscle, you have to take massive amounts of protein, correct? Is it true that resistance exercises cause massive weight gain? Do these questions sound familiar? As a Professor of Health Sciences who instructs a Strength and Training and Exercise Physiology course, students constantly approach me with these kinds of questions. Given the number of rumors floating around America’s gyms, their questions make sense. Let’s separate fact from fiction and debunk some common myths: ### MYTH ONE – MUSCLE TURNS INTO FAT IF YOU STOP LIFTING This is perhaps the most commonly held belief among fitness enthusiasts. Muscle and fat are two different kinds of tissue and one cannot turn into another. When muscles are not used, they begin to shrink (a process called atrophy). If you keep maintaining a weightlifters diet and do not exercise, you will gain weight because you are not burning off the extra calories. The process of [muscle gain and fat](https://guycounseling.com/bodybuilding-nutrition-and-fat-10-faqs/) gain however are completely different. ### MYTH TWO – IT TAKES ABOUT 6 MONTHS TO SEE MUSCLE GAIN Actually, it takes far less time to see muscle gains from a weight-training program. The reason for this is because untrained muscles rapidly respond to resistance training exercises quickly and begin to grow quickly. You should realize gains in [muscle size](https://guycounseling.com/body-building-basics-4-weight-lifting-techniques-for-muscle-mass/) and overall strength after about six to eight weeks of training. ### **MYTH THREE – MORE PROTEIN IS NEEDED FOR WEIGHT TRAINING** There is evidence that higher protein intake helps build muscle mass, however most of us do not need to ingest 80 ounces of powder a day! Most Americans ingest protein then they need during heavy training. Drinking a protein shake or eating a protein bar however won’t hurt your exercise program. Eat foods such as grilled chicken, Egg Whites/Beaters or fish and you will get more than enough protein. ### **MYTH FOUR – RESISTANCE EXERCISES CAUSES WEIGHT GAIN** This myth is keeps many people from starting and maintaining their exercise routine. The fact is, you will see an increase in muscle mass and a loss in body fat. Your clothes will fit differently, because muscle is more dense than fat (by about 3x). Men tend to build larger muscles than women, but women tend to become more slender. Resistance exercises actually help a person develop a healthier body composition and more attractive physique. ### **MYTH FIVE – MUSCLES MUST BE TRAINED EVERYDAY** This myth is not only untrue, but can be dangerous if acted upon. The general rule of weight lifting is to exercise the various muscle parts at least 3 times per week. If you exercise the same muscles day after day, you are not giving them a chance to grow and may actually cause muscle damage. Allow one day of rest in between muscle exercises. If you want to work out every day, exercise different muscle groups. An example might be shoulders and chest one day and legs the next. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Gym Myths --- ### [5 Steps To Reduce Stress and Anxiety: A Guide for Men](https://guycounseling.com/5-steps-to-reduce-stress-and-anxiety/) **Published:** October 25, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![stresss therapist chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/college-stress-counseling-chicago.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/college-stress-counseling-chicago.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Steps to Reduce Anxiety and Stress** Notice this page is not entitled: *Get rid of stress or anxiety for men*. Contrary to popular belief, it is simply not possible to completely eliminate a human feeling, such as anxiety. What *is* possible is to change our reaction to anxiety. In fact, *how* we respond to anxiety is directly related to *how* we experience the emotion. Because I recognize there are many people who suffer from various forms of anxiety, I thought it might be helpful to publish a basic guide for the purposes of general education. [![fear of intimacy five reasons](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=493%2C312&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?ssl=1) ### **Step One: Accept Stress/Anxiety is Part of Your Life** One of the healthiest things you can do as a starting point is [accept](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) the reality that anxiety is part of your life. In many ways, we have been inculcated to believe that anxiety is somehow “bad” or something to be ashamed of. It’s simply not true. Anxiety is a very human emotion. The more you deny your anxiety’s existence, the more power you give the emotion. It might be helpful to reframe *how* you think about anxiety and contextualize it in the framework of your total person. In other words, anxiety is *part* of your life but it does not define you. Read this article on embracing your mental health issues. ### **Step Two: Learn About Anxiety Disorders** The more you learn about anxiety, the more empowered you become to reduce its impact in your life. Be sure to review the material on the 5 main [anxiety disorders](https://www.hhs.gov/answers/mental-health-and-substance-abuse/what-are-the-five-major-types-of-anxiety-disorders/index.html) here. There are also a number of professional organizations that are all about different kinds of anxiety. There is no way to list them all here but here are a few of the “biggies”: - [Anxiety and Depression Association of America](http://www.adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics) - [Social Anxiety Association](http://socialphobia.org/) - [American Psychiatric Association](http://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders) - [International OCD Foundation](https://iocdf.org/) The more you learn about anxiety, including how it manifests in your life, the more you empower healing. Use the material you find from these sources as way of comparing your symptoms with what you are reading on the sites. **Do not diagnose yourself**. It is worth mentioning that depression is a common feature with anxiety for some people. In fact, it has been said that anxiety and depression are “best friends”. Be sure to pay careful attention to material you read about depression in the context of your own symptoms. ### **Step Three: Visit your Medical Doctor** It is imperative that you visit your medical doctor and consult with him/her about any of the symptoms described in the various anxiety disorders. This is particularly true if you think you might be having panic attacks or generalized anxiety disorder. For many people, their specific symptoms can be related to an underlying medical condition or an entirely different psychological issue/disorder. Your medical doctor will need to go about the business of asking you questions, potentially running tests and exploring your medical history to rule out various causes. This is part of the diagnostic process your medical doctor will go through in order to better understand why you may be experiencing symptoms. Certain medications have been known to have side-effects, which *may* produce some of the symptoms of an anxiety disorder. Make sure you have a complete list of all medications you are taking when you visit your doctor. If you are using substances, legal or illegal, make sure you inform your doctor of this too. Examples include the amount of alcohol you consume each week. If you are using something for recreational purposes, make sure you advise your physician of this too. Don’t be embarrassed – just be up front and tell your doctor the truth. Chances are this will not be the first or last time your physician will have heard about substance use/abuse from a patient. [![confident man 2](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/confident-man-2.jpg?resize=514%2C338&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/confident-man-2.jpg?ssl=1) ### **Step Four: Explore Treatment Options** There are a number of treatment options available for anxiety. Some forms of treatment are more effective than others, according to clinical studies. CBT Therapy I personally am an advocate for cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which a type of [mindfulness based therapy](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/) that is pretty much concerned with the “here and now”. While psycho-dynamic approaches may help with anxiety reduction, most all of the psychological literature suggests CBT is the talk-therapy [treatment of choice](https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0,14&q=cognitive+behavioral+therapy+anxiety). Bear in kind there are different offshoots of CBT, such as Mindfulness Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Think of this as a “Zen-like” approach to counseling for anxiety and stress that is focused on being present in the moment, helped by things such as deep breathing and guided imagery. Medications You may be wondering about medications? I have certainly seen plenty of people helped by taking prescribed medications designed to reduce anxiety (and depression). But should this be your first treatment approach? Whenever possible, I recommend that a person try CBT type therapies first before going on a prescription drug. The reasons are fairly straight forward: - CBT generally has a longer, more enduring effect on anxiety than medications alone. - Meds have side effects. CBT does not. - Anxiety medications often “dull” what you are feeling but to not reduce or alleviate. - Anxiety medications can create changes in personality. The ultimate decision to use medications is yours. I recommend that clients work closely with their primary care physician and helping professional (therapist) in the decision making process. What is important that you know is that in many cases, once a person goes off a prescribed anxiolytic (aka anxiety medication), the benefits associated with previously taking that drug often diminish. Here is a link to a list of [common anti-anxiety medications](http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/mental-health-medications/mental-health-medications.shtml) that are prescribed to treat anxiety. Make sure you look at the side-effects so that you have a greater understanding of how they may impact you. If you are interested in learning more about CBT, I encourage you to listen to this [CBT podcast](http://www.adaa.org/resources-professionals/podcasts/cbt-what-it), published by the *Anxiety and Depression Association of America*. What About Self-Help? Some people have found that they are able to work through their issues with anxiety through various forms of self-help. Generally speaking, the greater intensity of anxiety in your life, the more likely you will need professional help. Dr. David Carbonell, founder of the website: *The Anxiety Coach* suggests that if you decide to take this route, you may benefit from having a buddy or friend monitor your progress. For people with minor manifestations of anxiety, self-help may be a perfectly effective wellness option. My own thought is that self-help works best when it is combined with talk-therapy, group counseling and depending upon the dynamic, medications. Forms of self-help can include: - Insightful [books on stress & anxiety](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470574410/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0470574410&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=ON7YSMVMXKGJM5WO) that provide concrete assignments. - Anxiety support groups that are designed to share universal experiences. - Mindfulness based workshops that provide stress reducing activities. - Moderate physical activity and exercise that avoids over-training syndrome ### **Step Five: Pick the Right Therapist for Stress and Anxiety** If you decide working with a therapist may benefit in the treatment of your anxiety, it is important that you pick someone that has the appropriate background and experience. Here is the deal – almost all therapists claim they work with anxiety. Very few, however, practice CBT type therapy. And because there are few certifications available for specifically treating the different forms of anxiety, it can be hard to find someone who is a “good fit” for your situation. I highly recommend that you look at a number of directories in your area. I will provide a few here: - [Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies](http://www.abctcentral.org/xFAT/) - [OCD Foundation’s Find a Therapist Page](https://iocdf.org/find-help/) - [Anxiety and Depression Association Find a Therapist Page](http://www.adaa.org/netforum/findatherapist) **Chicago Residents** If you are in the **Chicago area**, try to find someone who has experience working with stress related issues that focus on reducing stress and anxiety in your busy life. If you are looking for counseling and therapy aimed at men, feel free to [contact me](https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/). ### **Bonus Tip: Choose Your Therapist and Make an Appointment** Once you have identified a therapist that you would work well with your anxiety issues, contact the person to make an appointment. If they have availability in their schedule, try to get in as soon as possible. Think about the first couple of sessions as evaluative in nature. Here, I am talking about seeing how the therapist interacts with you. If you are involved in cognitive behavioral therapy, your helping professional should be interactive. This means she/he will ask you questions from time to time and be conversational. Interaction is a trademark of CBT counseling. FYI: If the therapist basically is just sitting there and nodding their head without much feedback, you may not be working with someone who practices CBT. How long you will be in therapy largely depends upon the unique dynamics happening in your life. In truth, there is no way to really know how long therapy will last. One thing that you will know from the first couple of sessions is if the counseling you are receiving is helpful. Don’t expect instant, overnight results. **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, handsome, health, Men, stress, wellness --- ### [5 Reasons Men Have Fear of Intimacy](https://guycounseling.com/5-reasons-men-have-fear-of-intimacy/) **Published:** July 22, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![fear of intimacy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/fear-of-intimacy-man.jpg?resize=484%2C363&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/fear-of-intimacy-man.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Fear of Intimacy** **Fear of intimacy in men** is big problem for many men. Regardless of how he feels about another person, whether that person is a significant other or someone they are just getting to know, this **[fear](http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/pas/5/3/377/)** can be paralyzing. A man that is unable to move forward with his feelings runs the risk of emotionally damaging the person he is with – not to mention himself. There are a number of reasons that men develop a fear of intimacy. In fact, there are too many to list in this one post. What follows are the five “biggies” that come to us from the literature. Some may seem obvious while others may make you pause in reflection. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning. Let’s jump right in! ## [![fear of intimacy five reasons](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?resize=415%2C263&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/five.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Five Big Reasons for Intimacy**  ### **1) Childhood Abuse** Intimacy fears from childhood abuse are not uncommon. Any man who has dealt with abuse as a child may find it nearly impossible to open up and develop connections with other people in general. This is true for any type of abuse, too. Physical, mental, and sexual, they can all lead to **intimacy issues** later in life. Childhood abuse may also affect other parts of a man’s life, of course. It is devastating and it can cause a man to fear moving forward with what he wants to do. It takes over various parts of his life and he may not be able to control it. ### **2) Abuse in a Previous Relationship** Of course, another reason for fearing intimacy might be previous abuse in a relationship. If a man dealt with some sort of trauma or otherwise bad experience in a relationship, he might not be willing to move forward like normal. These types of abuses are not easy to overcome for a lot of people. The more severe the abuse, the harder it is to come out of one’s shell. Even if he feels strong emotions for another person, even if he wants that intimacy, it is not that easy to push forward regardless history and fears. ### **3) Addiction** Fear of intimacy may arise due to an addiction. Addictions can affect a person’s mind in ways that you may not realize. It is not logical and it is not something that a person can just move on from, even when trying their hardest. Addictions, especially addictions that the man tries to keep secret, are destructive. This goes with all forms of addiction, too. Alcohol, drugs, sex, and pretty much anything else you can imagine as part of the mix. It takes hold of the person and can get in the way of closeness. ### **4) Self-Esteem Issues** Poor self-esteem and self-image can affect a man’s readiness for intimacy, as well. If a man does not like the way that he looks, or if he feels he is not deserving of a relationship, he will not want to move forward with one. [**Poor self-esteem**](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) can have a serious effect on the way a man thinks, even if it may not make sense to others. It is the result of various issues, usually, and can cause a man to not feel comfortable or confident with himself in multiple areas, included intimate situations. ### **5) Performance Anxiety** Performance anxiety can play a major role in intimacy fears. When a man feels that he cannot perform at his best, or when he fears that the other party might not react positively, there is always that fear of trying in the first place. An excellent for of counseling, coaching and therapy for these kinds of issues is called [**ACT**](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/). This sometimes goes along with self-esteem issues. Some men simply do not think that they can perform the way they want to perform in bed. It is not an issue with the other party, but more an issue with their own issues centered on anxiety and doubt. It is for this reason so many have struggles with issue around intimate physical contact and seek guidance on how to last longer in bed. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1557987203&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1557987203/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1557987203&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=UAU2COUYICGP2Q5X)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1557987203) **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** Anxiety, fear, fear of intimacy, stress --- ### [7 Secrets of People Who Happily Embrace Regular Exercise](https://guycounseling.com/7-secrets-of-people-who-happily-embrace-regular-exercise/) **Published:** May 18, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **[![happiness exercise](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/happiness-exercise.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/happiness-exercise.jpg?ssl=1)** ## **Happiness and Exercise** Have you ever noticed that some people seem happy when they are at the gym? Does it seem like these individuals are almost always in a good mood and eager to partake in physical activity? What’s their secret? Is there something you can learn from these individuals that can be applied to your own life? Perhaps there is. Excelling with our fitness goals requires more than mere dedication and will power. A focus on the mind, body and spirit – plus our attitude is also part of the dynamic. What follows are 7 secrets of people who happily embrace regular exercise that you can use to help you reach your fitness goals. Start with one or two and then add more over the course of time. ### **1)  Think of exercise as your “golden time”** When you go to the gym, head out for a run or take a long walk, you are claiming those precious moments as your own. People who happily embrace regular exercise know the time they have [put aside to focus on their bodies](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/) is sacred and not something that can be “moved” or rescheduled for the benefit of others. Adopting this mindset allows exercise to become enjoyable and not dreaded. ### **2) Find pleasure in the journey** Nothing worthwhile is ever easy and results don’t happen overnight. Folks who happily embrace regular exercise are able to find pleasure in the journey on the way to their fitness goals. They realize that muscle gains, weight loss and toning require hard work that the process can’t be rushed. They also tend to “feel” their workouts using mindfulness. ### **3) Make the most of your time** In order to realize lasting gains from your exercise program, you need to do more than just “show up”. People who embrace exercise on a regular basis have figured out that time spent conducting a given physical activity requires focus and attention. They don’t just “go through the motions” but instead, become one with the exercise. This means they feel their muscles doing hard work during exertion and gain pleasure from the process. ![Guy Counseling Life Coaching Chiicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Guy-Counseling-Life-Coaching.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1) ### **4) Build the mind body link** If you want to create a dynamic where you regularly look forward to your exercise time, it is important to build a link between your physical body and your mind. People who happily embrace their time working out have been able to connect the positive things they are doing for their bodies to what’s going on inside of their head. This promotes healthy thinking and by extension – happiness. ### **5)  Think of exercise as a spiritual activity** When you engage in regular physical activity, you are nurturing your spirit. This means the energy you are putting into respecting the physical manifestation of yourself pays into a kind of spiritual **[karma bank](http://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-goals/2015/03/5-mindful-ways-to-invite-good-karma-into-your-life/)**. Folks who happily embrace exercise experience gratitude for simply having the ability to engage in physical activity, which in turn lifts their spirits and empowers personal satisfaction.  This leads us to the next point. ### **6) Learn to love movement** People who have successfully linked happiness to exercise have learned to love movement. More important, they trained themselves to gain pleasure from making movement part of their daily ritual. They do not moan or complain about physical activity but instead, recognize each time they partake in exercise, they are doing something positive for themselves. ### **7 Recognize exercise is the ultimate stress buster** Exercise is one of the healthiest ways to cope with stress and folks who regularly (and happily) engage in physical activity know this. When you lift those weights, run on that treadmill or crunch your abs, you are discharging much of the stress you experience from your body in a productive way. Over the course of time, the feeling you get from letting that stress go becomes addictive and is ritualized into your daily life. **Categories:** Lifestyle, Mind **Tags:** happiness, secrets exercise --- ### [3 Primary Factors that Determine How Much Muscle You Can Build](https://guycounseling.com/3-primary-factors-that-determine-how-much-muscle-you-can-build/) **Published:** May 4, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![muscle building factors](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/muscle-building-factors.jpg?resize=640%2C427&ssl=1)** ## **Muscle Building Factors** Have you ever wondered how much [muscle](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25804386) you can build? Are you curious about what factors determine the amount of weight you will ultimately be able to lift? Ever ask yourself if your body has built in limits for packing on size, using natural approaches to body building? If you want to know the answers to these questions, you have come to the right place. ## **Body Building and Muscle** This brief article will explore the three primary factors that determine how much muscle you can build. Under each topical area, I have expanded a bit as a way of helping you to better understand how the science of body building works. Some of these points will strike you as common sense while others will make you pause and reflect. Bear in mind as you read what follows that you have a lot of control over your body building and fitness destiny. Think of the items listed below as guideposts that are designed to provide insight. They shouldn’t be thought of as hard and fast rules. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ![three things muscle growth](https://i0.wp.com/c2.staticflickr.com/4/3237/3105581280_58d4132191.jpg?resize=467%2C299&ssl=1) ## **1. Genetics** You probably already know this but it is worth mentioning here. Your genes have a lot to do with your ultimate strength and capacity to benefit from weight lifting. Genetics determine the number of muscle fibers and fiber types within each of your muscles. They also dictate, to a greater or lesser degree, how well your nervous system coordinates muscle function – as well as your [body size](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) and your bone length. - The main factor of strength is muscle size. When you get right down to it, people with more muscle fibers per muscle increase their [level of strength](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-defined-examples/) more than others. - Timing and coordination are partially determined by your genes are strongly linked to strength capacity. - Body size influences your strength and muscle building capacity. Larger people tend to be stronger than smaller people. Your bone length and frame size also part of the muscle building equation. ##  **2. Gender** You might be thinking this one is common sense too but keep reading because you may be surprised at what you discover. First, you need to know that men and women gain strength at the same rate. Men, however, are generally considered stronger because of their larger muscle mass. FYI: When strength is expressed per unit of cross-sectional area of muscle tissue, men are only about 1-2 percent stronger than their female counterparts. - Women are naturally stronger in their lower body where as men are naturally stronger (and bigger) in the upper body area. - The male nervous system activates muscles faster, so men tend to have more power (aka the ability to exert force) than women. - Testosterone levels in men are thought to be 6-10 times greater than in women. This fact naturally gives guys larger muscles. - Diet is obviously going to need to be factored into any strength training regime. ## **3. Training Program** You guessed it – your training program has a lot to do with your ability to gain strength, power and ultimately, muscle. A well designed weight training program that is consistently and systematically practiced will increase muscle size more than any other factor. This is why it is so important that you [pick the right plan](https://guycounseling.com/workout-routines-3-tips-picking-best-plan/) if you are just starting out. Your ability to pick the right plan and stick to is the major factor in seeing gains – period. - [Progressive overloading](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/) with multiple reps is the optimum way to build muscle and mass. - Your mental approach to weight lifting is a critical factor in what you will get out of your workouts. This means lifting weights mindfully and keeping your end goal at the forefront of your consciousness. - Use your workouts as a way of channeling frustration, anger or other emotions. This healthy approach to releasing what you are feeling can serve as a conduit for packing on muscle. - Don’t expect results overnight. It can take up to six weeks of consistent weight lifting to “see” results. ## **What about age?** You may be wondering if age has anything to do with the strength and muscle building dynamic. The answer is *yes* but not as much as you might think. While it is true that the natural aging process does atrophy muscles and negatively impact flexibility, it’s also true that you can push back against these realities through ongoing weight training. In 2009, researchers at the University of Oklahoma published a [scientific study](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19387379) where they compared people of different ages who followed the exact same training program for an 8-week period. They discovered that men who were between the ages of 35 and 50 were able to successfully build as much muscle as those who were between the ages of between 18 and 22. Bottom line is this: don’t use age as an excuse to not hit the weights. Like they say down south – that old dog won’t hunt. [![don't use age as an excuse to not hit the weights](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/dont-use-age-as-an-excuse-to-not-hit-the-weights.png?resize=355%2C309&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/dont-use-age-as-an-excuse-to-not-hit-the-weights.png?ssl=1) ## **Final Thoughts** Much of your ability to add both muscle and size to your frame is within your direct control. More than anything else, the training program you pick, coupled with consistency, will be the overriding variable in what you see for results. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0756654475&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0756654475/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0756654475&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=HYPZSGSSQK3VVIS4)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0756654475) One great resource I would like to recommend is the book, *Strength Training Step by Step* by DK Publishing ([See Amazon](http://amzn.to/2yKPF0d)). Inside, you will find easy to understand approaches to creating your own workout routine with practical insight for building the body of your dreams. You can get this book directly off Amazon by clicking on the book cover. Oh – if you are curious about the role of diet and muscle building, I highly suggest you pick up a copy of *Flawless* by Bob Paris ([Check Amazon](http://amzn.to/2yK3gF1)). This is a classic book in the field of strength training that offers a no-nonsense discussion regarding the important link between what you eat and how it can help or hurt muscle growth. Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture. Please Like us on Facebook! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** muscle --- ### [Warm Ups: 10 Reasons They Should Be Part of Your Workout](https://guycounseling.com/warm-ups-10-reasons-they-should-be-part-of-your-workout/) **Published:** April 22, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![warmups before exercise](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/warmup-before-exercise.jpg?resize=650%2C360&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/warmup-before-exercise.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Warm ups at the Gym** **Warm ups** prior to working out don’t get nearly the attention they ought to. The [research](http://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Abstract/2010/08000/Effect_of_Warm_Ups_Involving_Static_or_Dynamic.5.aspx) tells us that warm ups are critical to muscle development and growth. warm ups also help prevent injuries. So why do so many body builders and fitness enthusiasts blow them off? Well, busy life styles and time pressures are usually to blame (see my post on excuses for [blowing off the gym](https://guycounseling.com/10-common-excuses-for-not-working-out/)). I also think a lot of guys skip warming up because they really don’t see the benefit. Here’s the deal – warming up is essential in helping you prepare your body for lifting weights and significantly reduces your chances of getting hurt. ## **Warm Ups Time** A warm up shouldn’t take you longer than 20 minutes. Some very practical activities include jogging in place, skipping rope or even a series of pushups. In cold weather climates, doing some type of a warmup is particularly important to help get blood flowing to the muscles. ## **Warm Ups: 10 Reasons** Here are 10 reasons why warm ups should be part of your workout. Some of these may seem like common sense. Other points may spark new insight. Either way, read them all so that you can see everything in context. [![10 facts nutiriton body building](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/10-facts-nutiriton-body-building.jpg?resize=395%2C296&ssl=1)](%22http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1569757267/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1569757267&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=RVRJS5CZKFT2BWIM) **1)** Elevates your body temperatures, which helps nerve transmission and metabolism in your muscles. **2)** Increased heart rate that helps your body prepare for a meaningful workout. **3)** Increased quality of in muscle movement, fluidity and flexibility. **4)** Increased mental focus on the weight lifting exercises you will be doing. **5)** Reduction of muscle soreness and pre-workout stiffness. **6)** Increased blood flow through your tissues, leading to better metabolism. **7)** Oxygenation of muscles, which helps them more effectively handle weight. **8)** The firing of motor units – which activates fibers to grow and increase strength. **9)** Increased contraction speed and relaxation of warmed up muscles. **10)** Assists in the prevention of delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS) ## **Warm Ups: Dynamic Examples** Mobilization exercises are often referred to as **dynamic stretching**. Mobilization exercises are essentially controlled movements. Using this approach, you go through the full range of motion without stopping. You have probably seen people doing these at the gym. Here are a few dynamic warm up exercises for you to think about. Keep in mind that if you are a novice to warm ups, start with something basic and easy and then add on more involved exercises as time goes on. I’ve included a video as well as well from HASfit as a visual reference. ### **Dynamic Warm up Examples:** - 15-30 push ups - 5 minutes of jump rope - 10-12 upward kicks - 25 jumping jacks - 10 High Knee Skips (each knee) - 10 Lateral Lunges (each leg) - 10 Ski Jacks ### **Warm Ups: Final Thoughts** The key to warming up is to engage in activities that will hold your attention. If jogging in place isn’t your thing, try something else. I often couple my warm up exercises with various [forms of mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/wash-away-stress-rain/). Why not get a twofer out of it – you know? If you are looking for a really good resource on warm ups, I highly recommend the book, *Dynamic Stretching* by Mark Kovaks. What I like about this read are the practical examples on how to prepare your body for intense physical activity while also improving overall strength, power, endurance and agility. There’s something like 50 dynamic warm up exercises inside so there’s lots to choose from! [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1569757267&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1569757267/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1569757267&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=UN5STRNAWQCFXIWW)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1569757267) If you are hoping to make progress at the gym and prevent injuries, make sure warmups become part of your body building ritual. It may seem like a waste of time but I assure you that it’s not. This point is particularly true if you have suffered gym related injuries in the past! ## **Warm Ups Poll** Just for fun, I am including a poll on warm ups pre-workout to see just how many of you engage in this activity. The results are not scientific but can be used to gauge what your fellow gym-goers are doing. Thanks for visiting Men’s Culture. Please Like on Facebook and Tweet on Twitter! **Categories:** Health & Fitness, Mind **Tags:** bodybuilding, Exercise, warmups --- ### [Caffeine and Body Building: Benefits and Risks](https://guycounseling.com/caffeine-body-building-benefits-risks/) **Published:** October 10, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![caffeine and bodybuilding](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/situational-awareness-in-a-coffee-shop.jpg?resize=520%2C345&ssl=1) ## Caffeine Pros and Cons for Body Builders One of the most popular [ergogenic aids ](http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0363546504268041)consumed in the world is caffeine. **Caffeine** can be found in coffee, tea, coca, soft drinks, and energy drinks. And it may surprise you to know this substance also is an ingredient in many other over the counter products. Body builders often use caffeine to help give them an extra boost before heading into the gym to lift weights. But should more thought be given to the use of this drug before consumption? Keep in mind I am writing this post on what is now my second cup of coffee. Caffeine is a CNS stimulant acting on adenosine receptors in the brain; its sympathomimetic effects are similar to amphetamines but not as strong. The reason why so many body builders and weight lifters consume caffeine on a regular basis is because it gives the body builder more energy during a workout. A lifter may feel more energized once they consume coffee, energy drinks, or over-the-counter supplements that contain caffeine. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/Q6joirtIBHUsw/giphy.gif?ssl=1) ## **Caffeine benefits** Athletes, including body builders, generally report feeling stronger and more competitive after ingesting a caffeine product, like coffee, because they have more energy during vigorous exercise. And caffeine is known to have metabolic effects on adipose tissue and skeletal muscle as well as on the CNS. Some research suggests it can increase the mobilization and use of free fatty acids, thus sparing muscle glycogen and prolonging endurance activity. Research studies have proven that caffeine increases concentration, mood, mental alertness, and many others in high-intensity team sports. Caffeine is beneficial for athletes who participate in endurance sports such as: running, cycling and cross country skiing, swimming, rowing, soccer and field hockey.  This helps them enhance their work production, accuracy, and speed while competing in competitions. ## **Caffeine risks** There are many risks involved in the consumption of daily caffeine.  One of the downfalls of consuming too much caffeine is that it can cause nervousness, restlessness, insomnia, headaches, gastrointestinal problems, and tremors. Anathlete, such as a body builder, can experience a loss of appetite while in taking caffeine as well as dehydration while performing intense exercises. An example might be a heavy day of lifting at the gym. Caffeine can become extremely addictive and can possibly lead to body builder fatigue.  How many people do you know, for example, who can’t function, unless they have a cup of coffee in the morning? What about the folks who cannot perform their daily tasks unless they have a constant flow of caffeine? Many body builders become at risk for health problems when they over-use caffeine to enhance their performance because they may have a negative reaction which is considered **[ergolytic](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8430716)**. One of the more dangerous side effects of consuming too much caffeine is increased heart rate and blood pressure that can lead to a heart attack if not careful. [![coffee-617x416](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/coffee-617x416.jpg?resize=435%2C293&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/coffee-617x416.jpg?ssl=1) **Caffeine and Long Term Effects** There are many long-term effects of caffeine that can pose dangerous risks to the human body. Long-term dehydration can impact the user’s overall health because it can reduce natural energy levels and decrease functionality of organs. Since caffeine increases your heart rate, the long-term effects can potentially interfere with normal functioning. Other long-term effects can include high blood pressure, insomnia, and peptic ulcers. Since caffeine is meant to stimulate your mind and body by helping you to stay awake, a person may be at risk for having insomnia in the future. In addition, during [caffeine withdraw](http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/06/hm.caffeine.withdrawal/index.html?eref=rss_us); you can experience side effects, such as depression, anxiety, headaches and addiction. **Caffeine and Body Building Summary** When used *responsibly,* caffeine can be a wonderful thing. Most of the [current research](http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/caffeine/art-20045678) suggests it is OK to drink up to 4 cups a day of coffee (400 mg). If you are a soda drinker, that is about 10 cans of cola (which is a lot!) or 2 energy shots. Beyond these levels is probably not a good idea because of the side effects mentioned here. Body builders often will use other substances in addition to caffeine to help boost energy levels. Most of these substances are organic in nature. The problem however is that we do now always know how caffeine becomes [potentiated](http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/potentiation) when combined with other ergogenic aids. As with most things in life, moderation with the use of caffeine is the recommended approach. If you are concerned about your level of caffeine intake or worried about how caffeine interacts with other things you might be taking, make sure you talk to your doctor. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.giphy.com/media/7qV3yswT0K8hi/giphy.gif?ssl=1) **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** body building, Caffeine, Coffee --- ### [Workout Routines: 3 Tips for Picking Best Plan!](https://guycounseling.com/workout-routines-3-tips-picking-best-plan/) **Published:** October 9, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![How to pick a workout plan](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/workpout-plan.jpg?resize=500%2C500&ssl=1 "How to pick a workout plan") ## **Workout Routines and Picking the Right Plan** Chances are you looking for some [workout routines](http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/9780470757215.ch15/summary?systemMessage=Wiley+Online+Library+will+have+intermittent+access+on+8th+August+2015+from+10%3A00-16%3A00+BST+%2F+05%3A00-11%3A00+EDT+%2F+17%3A00-23%3A00+SGT+for+essential+maintenance.++Apologies+for+the+inconvenience.&primaryCompoundsResultsPerPage=250) for body building and weight training that you can review with the hope of picking the **best plan** for adding muscle mass and size. There are literally thousands of workout routines online to choose from and many thousands more that can be found in books and print. So how do you go about picking the best workout routine to fit your needs? Are there any **tips** or recommendations that should be considered as part of the selection process? The answer is yes! This brief article will provide 3 solid suggestions that you might want to consider as you contemplate which workout routine will give you the best result for your efforts. The key ingredient to any successful workout routine, regardless of which routine you choose, is motivation. Keep this in mind as you go through the workout routine recommendations for picking the best plan here. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! [![progressive overload](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/progressive-overload.jpg?resize=610%2C406&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/progressive-overload.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Workout Routine Tip #1: Know your Body Type** One of the very first things you will want to do before choosing a workout plan to fit your needs is to identify your specific [male body type](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/). In other words, you want to know if you are an endomorph, ectomorph or mesomorph. The reason you want to know your body type is directly related to how your body metabolically and physiologically gains or loses muscle and fat. For example, if you have a mesomorph type body, you will want to focus on workout routines that not only add muscle but also include elements of cardio. Why? Well, for example, mesomorphs tend to be hard gainers and need to kick start their **[metabolism](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metabolism)** through intense periods of cardio vascular exercise. The other body types, ectomorph and endomorph do not have these same challenges (they have different ones!) ## **Workout Routine Tip #2: Know your Goals** After you have identified your body type, you will then want to move about the business of knowing what your workout routine goals will be. Common examples include a desire to build a [bigger chest](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workouts-focus-chest/) or increase the [size of your arms](https://guycounseling.com/concentration-curls-biceps/). Another goal might be to strengthen your legs or add [mass to your back](https://guycounseling.com/back-workouts-5-great-upper-lower-back-workouts-men/). What is important is that you have concrete, measurable goals as part of your plan. If you just go in with the mindset of wanting to grow your upper body without focusing on specific body parts, like the biceps, triceps or chest, you will simply be playing the game of just going through the motions. It is for this reason you want to have clearly identified workout routine goals. This will keep you motivated and engaged during your training cycles. ## **Workout Routine Tip #3: Have Realistic Expectations** Whatever you have identified as your body building goals, make sure that your expectations are realistic. One of the biggest reasons people stop a given workout program is because they have set totally unrealistic expectations about seeing results. Most students and clients I work with on wellness activities have shared with me they believe muscle gains should happen within a week or two. While this may be true for *some* people, the research suggests that it takes a bit longer! Keep in mind that a number of variables that need to be factors into realizing muscle gains. These variables include: - Age - Gender - Genetics - Prior strength training experience - Metabolic rate - Body type (See tip #1) Most people will see rapid change during the early part of their body building program but these are not visible. Here, we are talking about changes to the nervous and skeletal systems, which will immediately start to adapt once you embark on a workout routine (assuming you are a beginner). Changes in muscle size take longer. Generally speaking, it can take **6-8 weeks** to see significant changes in the size and appearance of your muscles (Fahey, 2013). When you pick your routine, remember that you will not see instant results – regardless of what the routine is promising! I have seen many new people start a workout routine get discouraged because of unrealistic expectations around muscle hypertrophy. Don’t let this happen to you. ![Quads Gym](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/gym.jpg?resize=545%2C409&ssl=1)Quads Gym Chicago, Illinois ## **Workout Routine Summary:** By knowing your body type, identifying your goals and having realistic expectations, you will go a long way in choosing the right body building routine to fit your needs. I want to encourage you to read all that you can about muscular growth and development. If you are a new person to the gym and hoping to become better educated on body building, make sure you also focus on nutrition – which is a **key** factor in realizing results. Many people overlook this important focus area because they are concentrating too much on the resistance training exercises and routines. I am suggesting a very easy to understand book below entitled, ***[Bigger, Leaner, Stronger](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1475143389/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1475143389&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=IGVQOEDQN7XLM5G4)*** by Michael Matthews. He offers some solid advice that you will want to factor into your chosen workout routine. Thanks for visiting Muscle Dude Life. Please like on [**Facebook** ](https://www.facebook.com/menscultureblog/)or Circle me.  Peace out! [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1475143389&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1475143389/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1475143389&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=MEHKKQF6OQXSGBJT)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1475143389) **Reference:** Fahey, Thomas. (2012) *Basic Weight Training* *for Men and Women*. McGraw Hill. New York **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Excercise, Weight training, workout routines --- ### [Upper Body Workouts: Focus on the Chest](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workouts-focus-chest/) **Published:** October 9, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Chest Workout upper body exercises](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chest-workout.jpg?resize=500%2C371&ssl=1) ## **A Hard Upper Body Means Working Your Chest** Most guys who hit the gym on a regular basis are interested in learning about effective **upper body workouts**. This is true of body builders and for people involved with general [**strength training**](http://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Abstract/2004/11000/DETERMINING_THE_MAGNITUDE_OF_TREATMENT_EFFECTS_IN.40.aspx) as a way of maintaining wellness. Recently, I completed an installment of different workouts involving the **[chest](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workout-3-simple-exercises-to-build-hard-muscle/)**, **[arms](https://guycounseling.com/arm-workouts-5-great-exercises-grow-biceps-triceps/)** and **[back](https://guycounseling.com/back-workouts-5-great-upper-lower-back-workouts-men/)**. My hope with providing these different types of upper body workouts was to stimulate motivation on your part and to show you different approaches to body sculpting. ## **How upper body muscles work** Muscles of the upper body are really no different than all of the other muscles located throughout the body. In men however, some muscles are more prominent than others. Here, we are talking about the pectoral muscles and lateral muscles. Muscles work by shortening and pulling on the bone they are attached to. The pectoral muscles (major) are divided into three parts – upper, lower and middle respectively. Knowing this information can be tremendously helpful to you on your quest to builder a larger, more muscular physique. ## **Training Your Chest Muscles: Frequency** In order to experience optimum growth, you should try to train your chest at least two times a week. If you try to do more than this, may very well develop sore shoulders. You also run the risk of falling victim to **[overtraining syndrome](https://guycounseling.com/overtraining-syndrome-8-signs-body-builders/)**. If you train our chest less than 2 times a week, you likely will not see the results you are hoping for. ## **Good chest exercises for men** To develop the entire pectoral muscle set, meaning upper, middle and lower, you will want to use a variety of resistance training approaches. Some good chest workout options include: - Bench presses - Barbell incline press - Push ups - Dumbbell flys - Machine flys - Cable crossovers - Pullovers - Decline bench press - Incline bench press ## **![chris evans workout captain america](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chris-evans-captain-america.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1)Machines vs. Free Weights and Upper Body Workouts** There has been a long running debate in the body building world about which is better, ***[machines or free weights](https://guycounseling.com/free-weights-vs-machines/)****?* My own thought is that using a combination of both from time to time can help to create change in your strength training and conditioning program and go a long way with combating muscle memory and muscle adaptation. ## **Captain America Workout: Chest** **Chris Evans**, the actor who plays *Captain America* uses a number of approaches for working out his [**upper body**](http://www.menshealth.co.uk/living/men/chris-evans-interview), including free weights and machines. He also reports spending a lot of time at the gym and uses a trainer. I am including a video of an interview with Chris Evans for 2011 where he discusses preparing his body for the role of Captain America. It’s always good to know about the psychology behind the physique and to examine the importance of mind body connection. Remember, the massive chest on Chris Evans did not happen through genetics. He is considered to have a [**mesomorph body type**](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/ "Male Body Types: Somatotypes Explained with Pictures"), which is the most common of body types among men. The dude seriously worked out in order to achieve the look you see in the movies. ## **Summary: Upper Body Chest Workouts** No question about it – guys want to grow impressive upper body muscles with particular focus on the chest. I would be interested in hearing which exercises you do to blow up your pectoral muscles? What do you do to create change in your body building workout for the chest? Thanks for visiting! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** chest, upper body --- ### [Upper Body Workout: 3 Simple Exercises to Build Hard Muscle!](https://guycounseling.com/upper-body-workout-3-simple-exercises-to-build-hard-muscle/) **Published:** October 6, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![upper body exercises](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/upper-body-exercises-chest.jpg?resize=500%2C332&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/upper-body-exercises-chest.jpg?ssl=1) ## **Upper Body Workout in Three Steps** If you are looking for a simple [**upper body workout**](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19204579) to build hard **muscles** then look no further! Most guys are looking to pack on bigger muscles to their **torso** and do so in a way that isn’t complicated or time consuming. In my experience, sometimes the classic approaches to building muscle are often the best. This article will explore three basic exercises that you should consider including as part of your upper body workout routine on a weekly basis. The moves are simple and will help you blow out your torso in a simple, easy to follow format. Some of these upper body exercises can be performed at home while others require that you visit your gym. Our focus will be on the pectoral muscles, **latissimus dorsi** muscles and shoulders muscles. So are you ready to build an impressive upper body physique? Let’s take a look at the workouts! ![weighted push ups](https://i0.wp.com/www.bodybuilding.com/images/2016/january/build-your-best-chest-5-must-do-pec-exercises_04.jpg?resize=560%2C342)Credit: Body Building.com ## **Upper Body Exercise 1: Weighted Pushup** One of the best overall exercises you can do to help build muscles in your chest, arms, shoulders and back is the pushup. To give your upper body a little extra kick, consider doing the weighted version of this exercise. **What you need:** A weight plate, sand bag or heavy book Directions: Get on the floor and assume the standard push up position. This means spreading your hands about shoulder width apart with your hands extended. Keep your back straight. Take weight plate (start out with 10 – 25 LBS) and place it on your back. If you have difficulty with this, ask a gym buddy or friend to put the plate on your back, centering the weight between your shoulder blades. Keeping your upper body as straight as possible, slowly lower yourself by bending your elbows until your chest is about 1 inch from the floor. Now pause. Slowly and deliberately push yourself back up. Muscles Worked: Pectoral, Biceps and Shoulders Reps: 10-15 ![bench press flat chest](https://i0.wp.com/i.ytimg.com/vi/rT7DgCr-3pg/maxresdefault.jpg?resize=598%2C336)Credit: Youtube ## **Upper Body Exercise 2: Barbell Bench Press** A simple and classic upper body exercise. When you think about it, bench presses are the foundation of a rock hard chest. The barbell bench press helps to shred the major pectoral muscles and as an ancillary benefit, grow the shoulders and arm muscles. **What you need:** A barbell and preferably a spotter Directions: Lay down on a flat-bench and grab the barbell with an overhand grip that’s just a little more than shoulder width. While lying down on the bench with your feet flat on the ground, lift up the bar and hold it above your sternum with your arms straight. Slowly lower the bar until it is about 2 inches from the middle of your chest. Pause. Gradually lift the weight back up to the starting position, making sure you squeeze at the top. Muscles Worked: Pectoral, Shoulder and Biceps. Reps: 10-15 ## **Upper Body Exercise 3: Single-Arm Dumbbell Row** A really great exercise that will help give your upper body more girth is the single arm dumbbell row. This particular exercise move works out the lateral muscles, pectoral muscles and to a lesser degree, the triceps. If you are looking for exercises to help fill out your t-shirt and give you more of a V-Shape appearance, toss this one into your weekly workout plan. **What you need:** A barbell Directions: It is best to start out with a light weight barbell so that you get the form right. Grab a barbell in your left hand with your palm facing inward towards your chest. Bend your knees and hips and slowly lower your torso. Allow the dumbbell to hang from your shoulder. This is your starting position. Now, slowly and deliberately pull the dumbbell to the side of your torso. Keep your elbow tucked fairly close to your side. Squeeze. Now slowly return the weight back to the starting position. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00B80DNUK&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00B80DNUK/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00B80DNUK&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=YYEVTBHNI6GY6CGT)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00B80DNUK) ## **Upper Body Bonus** No upper body looks complete unless you throw in some **[killer arm exercises](https://guycounseling.com/arm-workouts-5-great-exercises-grow-biceps-triceps/)** that are complimented by defined, six pack set of abs. You also want to have a [**great back**.](https://guycounseling.com/back-workouts-5-great-upper-lower-back-workouts-men/) Ultimately, you are going for a total upper body workout that includes chest, back, shoulders, traps and arms. And [**don’t forget those legs**](https://guycounseling.com/3-good-leg-workouts-lower-body-strength/)! If you are new to body building and strength training or if you are looking for a quick refresher on some of the basics to building an impressive upper body, consider grabbing a copy of ***[21 Days to a Bigger Chest](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00B80DNUK/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00B80DNUK&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=GJKBWVEF4GRZFFHM)*** by Grant Michaels. In this read, you will find a number of practical moves that you can do at the gym or at home. If you dug this article, please Like on Facebook. Peace out! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** arms, Biceps, chest, Pectoral, Power, Strength, Triceps, Upper Body Workouts --- ### [Zac Efron Skin Routine](https://guycounseling.com/zac-efron-skin-routine/) **Published:** May 10, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![zac efron skin](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/e2685f078bdf988053539c8bdf918bf7.jpg?resize=620%2C381&ssl=1) ## Zac Efron Skin Routine for Real Guys There are many great things that can be said about Zac Efron and his super handsome looks. One feature that stands out immediately about the star is his skin. Specifically, I am talking about his face. Efron has smooth, almost velvet like skin that does not appear porous. The actor often has a bit of stubble, which helps add to his sexy look in movies. At times his skin can appear a bit oily but I believe he has a skincare routine to help him manage this issue. I acknowledge Zac probably has a crew of people who put him together however, he likely does some things at home to create what we see on TV and in movies. Zac Efron’s skin probably benefits a combination of lifestyle habits and good skin hygiene. I am going to touch upon a little of both to hopefully help give you Zac Efron’s skin on a budget in 8 easy and affordable steps. ## Zac Efron Movie Star Skin in 8 Steps [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/wirecutter-5xtDarpMnCEhmSPZPvG) ### 1. Avoid Sugar If you want to have glowing, attractive skin like Efron, you will want to make some dietary changes to help yield maximum results. Notice that Zac’s skin sometimes appears oily, particularly when you see him on under bright lights. According to Phyllis Balch, certified nutritional consultant and the author of the *[Prescription Guide to Natural Healing](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1583334009/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1583334009&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=3U6HMFBWS2ITFRBZ)*, it is important to avoid soft drinks or beverages that contain a lot of sugar. Instead, opt for fruits if you have a sweet tooth. The idea here is to not clog up pours with caramelized products that are found in many sodas and food products.  It is likely Efron skips these kinds of drinks to keep the shine on his face to a minimum. If you really need a sugar fix, opt for natural sources of sweetness, like apples or oranges. #### 2. Use the right cleanser You do not have to spend massive amounts of money in order to clean your skin properly. I always laugh when I see so called “skin-consultants” recommend products that cost more than most people’s cellphone bill. One excellent skin cleanser for most all skin types is [**Cetaphil**](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001ET76EY/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001ET76EY&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=NZ6RHOEZINWHFRCL). The product itself is gentle and non-alkaline. What’s more, Cetaphil also has slightly an acidic pH and contain high concentrations of hydrating cetyl alcohol (which is present in all skin types) and sodium lauroyl sarcosinate, which is good for oily skins. What is nice is that this product does not contain “soap” which can strip your skin of moisture that it likely needs. While I cannot be sure, I suspect he washes his face two times a day with something like Cetaphil to clean debris from his pores while also helping to lock in moisture. You can buy Cetaphil at most drug stores or at a discounted rate online. Prices range from $10.00 to $30.00, depending upon the amount in the bottle. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B001ET76EY&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001ET76EY/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001ET76EY&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=JKKNP2MCEU5XVBUE)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B001ET76EY) #### 3. Sleep Sleep is an extremely important part of skin-care. While there certainly have been reports in the past of Efron’s “wild” side and lifestyle, you can be sure that when he prepares for a movie role, he is doing everything possible to look his best. This means getting enough sleep. Research suggests most Americans only get 5-6 hours of sleep. To be blunt, if you want to look your best, 5-6 hours is not enough. Eight to nine hours is recommend by most experts. ![](https://i0.wp.com/media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma83xnyuQ21rwvg1f.gif) #### **4. Moisturizer** Finding the right moisturizer, particularly for men, is not always easy. This is because a good chunk of the products available are the marketplace are geared towards a woman’s skin-type. Men have “thicker skin” according to the research, by about 25%. Men also have a higher collagen density. While this may sound good in theory, the truth is many guys blow their natural skin advantages over women because they are out in the sun more. I am not going to lecture on this however. Instead, I am going to point you into the right direction for the proper moisturizer so that if you are out in the sun a lot or not, you have something to protect your face while also locking in moisturizer. Zac Efron probably likes to be in the sun, based on many photographs we see of him outdoors. I suspect he uses a product like **[Anthony Logistics for Men Oil Free Facial Lotion](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000HP7IM6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000HP7IM6&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=HW2YQ7CDMA7PMBFY)** with a SPF 15. I’ve used this product because I have oily skin and can share with you that the product works well. You can get this product for less than $30.00 at some skin care shops (Sephora, Ulta) or you can purchase online if you wish to be discrete. It’s also a lot cheaper to buy this online. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000HP7IM6&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000HP7IM6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000HP7IM6&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=BVKSHQZHPXEL5C3C)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000HP7IM6) #### **5. Water** You have probably heard this skin-care tip before but it is worth mentioning here. Water is extremely important to having healthy skin. Zac Efron’s skin likely benefits from him drinking lots of H20, just going by the many pictures of him downing down bottles of it. As a general rule of thumb, try to drink at least 8 full glasses a day and if possible, use distilled or spring water. Your town’s tap water is probably fine but remember that it has likely been treated with chemicals. Just something to think about. [via GIPHY](https://giphy.com/gifs/l2YSowMXk0Qu0DFm0) #### **6. Face Mask** If you want to have skin like Zac Efron, you are going to have to get comfortable with using some type of facial mask. I know this may sound not very man like but it’s like this – good skin care means engaging in things we may not always be comfortable with. When you look at Efron’s skin, it glows. I suspect he is using a firming mask that also cleans. One effective and inexpensive skin product that is good for most all skin types is [**Queen Helene Mud Pack Mask**](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EGK528/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000EGK528&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=PLH3DFPGSRX2HM26). The great thing about this mask is that it uses natural English clay that is imported specifically for this product. It cleans the pours and tightens skin, giving a youthful, refreshed look as the final result. Wrinkles also soften after using this product. I personally have found this mud mask to be very effective. Here is the shocker – you can get this for less think might think. Honestly, there is no need to spend big bucks for a basic maintenance mask. Just use something like the one I am recommending once a week and you will see results fairly quickly. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000EGK528&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EGK528/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000EGK528&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=OQTMSV3BMO7JFDJL)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000EGK528) #### **7. Exercise** Exercise is an important part of any self-care plan but for guys, it is particularly important. Why? Simply because physical activities, like cardio and weight lifting help to increase blood circulation, which carries nutrients to the entire body and removes toxins. So long story short, there is a reason Zac Efron has the skin he has and it is not all genetics and age working their magic! The [guy works out](https://guycounseling.com/7-secrets-of-people-who-happily-embrace-regular-exercise/)! If you want Zac Efron skin, you will want to hit the gym regularly. #### **![plyometric-exercises-strength-and-power](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/plyometric-exercises-strength-and-power.jpg?resize=640%2C360&ssl=1)8. Night Moisturizer** There are tons of men’s moisturizers on the market and if you notice, most all of them are ridiculously overpriced. I don’t have the inside baseball on the specific nighttime moisturizer Efron uses however, I suspect he might use something like [**Zirh Face Moisturizer**](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001CT098Q/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001CT098Q&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=3LM3XDCGYCIOGNLD). There are no harsh chemicals in this product, which is particularly helpful for those who may have sensitive skin. It is lightweight and applies easily. Zirh is great for reducing the appearance of fine lines and locking in moisture. Use a product like this after you have washed your face before going to bed. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B001CT098Q&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001CT098Q/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001CT098Q&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=FDMJNIRZJ4K2CHLP)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B001CT098Q) #### **Zac’s Skin- On a Budget** When you look at the skincare products that are available for men, you often see overpriced items that no *real* person could afford on a regular basis. I am assuming most of the readers of this blog do not have Zac Efron’s salary. You can however get Zac’s look by taking proper care of your skin, engaging in healthy lifestyle habits and using products which promote elasticity and glow. And the best thing? You don’t have to spend a fortune! Looking for more grooming tips for men? Visit this comprehensive guide on [how to look handsome](https://guycounseling.com/look-handsome-men/). I hope you enjoyed this article. If you dug it, please Like on Facebook. **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** Face Care, handsome, mask, Skin Care, zac efron skin --- ### [Arm Workouts: 5 Great Exercises to Grow your Biceps and Triceps](https://guycounseling.com/arm-workouts-5-great-exercises-grow-biceps-triceps/) **Published:** October 4, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![bicep workout](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/bicep.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)Arm Workouts Are Easier than You Think** Are you looking to add **muscle** to your **arms**? Are you hoping to grow your biceps and triceps so that when you put on a t-shirt, they make an obvious bulge? Are you curious about how other dudes are able to develop amazing biceps and triceps? If so, you have come to the right place. This article will explore five **arm exercises** to help you grow your biceps and triceps. I’ve also thrown in a good book for you to consider if you are looking to blow up the size, girth and width of your biceps and triceps. Be sure to vote in the arm workout poll at the end. ## ![arm workouts](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/man-gym-curls-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) **Arm Workouts: Arm Muscles** Before we explore the five arm exercises, let’s first take a moment to examine the basic muscles of the arms so that you know which muscles you are working out when you hit the weights. This may seem like a silly point but mindfulness around muscle growth is important if you ever wish to build up those biceps and triceps. All that is important right now is that you know the name and location of these muscles so that when you are focusing on working them out, you are aware of their location and a little about when they do. I will explain some of these functions more as we go through the specific arm exercises. [![arm muscles](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/arm-muscles.gif?resize=688%2C612&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/arm-muscles.gif?ssl=1) ## **Arm Workout Information** An important thing to keep in mind when you design your workout is your **[body type](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/)**. Here, I am talking about what is commonly referred to as a *somatotype*. I am mentioning this here because knowing if you are an ectomorph, endomorph or mesomorph can go a long way in creating the type of muscle building program that is customized to your size and shape. ## **Arm Workout: 5 Great Ones** ![standing arm curl](https://i0.wp.com/www.muscleandfitness.com/sites/muscleandfitness.com/files/styles/width650/public/media/barbell-curl_5.jpg?resize=650%2C360)Credit: Muscle and Fitness ## **1. Bicep Curl (Standing)** The bicep curl is perhaps the most common type of arm exercise that people do. The muscles involved included the bicep muscles, elbow flexors and brachialis. The biceps are considered a large muscle group, primarily involved with pulling and lifting. **Exercise** This exercise involves a simple, compound movement that you do standing up. Stand upright, holding a barbell in front of your thighs using an underhand type grip. Make sure your hands are shoulder width apart. Keeping your back straight with your elbows at your sides, *slowly* begin to curl the bar upwards until your forearms touch your biceps. Do a squeeze at the top and then pause. Now, slowly lower the bar back down to about an inch before your thighs. Repeat Suggested Reps: 8-15 ![reverse curl arm workout](https://i0.wp.com/3.bp.blogspot.com/_cp9IZjqg77Q/TSMPqG3IkSI/AAAAAAAAANE/PWg5u90bwkE/s1600/003%2BBiceps%2BREVERSE%2BEZ-BAR%2BCURL.jpg?resize=540%2C513)Credit: Blogspot ## **2. Reverse Curl** This particular exercise is excellent for giving your arms a well-rounded look and can help your brachial muscles really look full. Many people focus on just the biceps and triceps but the brachialis muscles are the ones that give your t-shits that round, chiseled and full appearance. **Exercise** Stand upright holding a fairly light barbell and an over-hand grip (palms down) just in front of your thighs. Gently press your elbows to your sides during the movement. Slowly curl the bar up until your forearms are just about parallel to the floor. At the top, do a light squeeze and then pause. Now slowly continue to curl that bar upwards some more until it reaches your chest. Pause again. Now slowly lower the bar until your forearms are parallel to the ground. Pause once more and then slowly lower the bar to the starting position. Suggested Reps: 8 – 12. ## **3. Overhead Cable Triceps Extension** This exercise works out exactly what the name implies – the triceps. Brachialis muscle are involved too but mostly the triceps and a little of the deltoids. **Exercise** Connect a rope with handle to a high pulley cable. Grab the ends of the rope with each of your hands. Stand with your back to the weight stack. Lean forward with one fit ahead of the other and back sure you are balanced. Now, hold the rope over your head with your arms bent. Without moving the upper part of your arms, begin to straighten your arms in front of you to exercise your triceps. Pause and squeeze. Then slowly allow the weights to pull your hands back over your head. The important thing is to control the weight carefully on the way back to the starting position. No jerky motions here. Reps: 8-15 ![triceps Rope Pull-Down](https://i0.wp.com/3.bp.blogspot.com/-5RsI4218qkA/T9YMWsgA-FI/AAAAAAAAAbU/NNkgZxNzUr0/s1600/Lat%2BPull%2BDown%2BSweat%2BWith%2BCorey.JPG?resize=731%2C731)Credit: sweatwithcorey ## **4. Twisting Rope Pull-Down** The exercise is also great for the triceps and the brachialis muscle and can help to give you more girth and definition in your arms. Like the other arm exercises listed here, this is a basic, compound exercise and therefore not complicated.  The triceps are a muscle group involved with extension type movements of the arms. **Exercise** Connect a rope to a handle and then attach to a high-pulley cable. Grab an end with each hand. Try to spread your hands a good 8-10 inches apart. Now, keeping your arms tucked at your sides, slowly pull the rope down until your forearms are pretty much parallel with the floor. Consider this your starting position. Slowly pull that rope downward until your fists are at thigh level – then rotate your writs so that your palms face out (away from your body). Now squeeze the hell out of your triceps for a brief second. Now slowly move back in reverse to your starting position. Reps: 8-12 ![standing single arm curl cable](https://i0.wp.com/www.bodybuilding.com/exercises/exerciseImages/sequences/192/Male/l/192_1.jpg?resize=640%2C427)Credit: Bodybuilding.com ## **5. Cable Single Arm Curl** If you are looking to blast your biceps and add some width to your arms, this exercise can help create the look you are going for. The muscles involved are primarily the biceps and to a lesser degree, the brachial muscles and triceps. **Exercise** Stand with your back to a weight stack with an attached handle to a cable. Grab the handle with your right hand. Step forward a bit so that your right hand is a few inches behind you and your arm is straight. Now, keeping your elbow in place, curl up the handle until it reaches the side of your chest. Squeeze briefly at the top and pause. Now slowly lower your arm back to the starting position. Reps: 8-15 [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=0736074015&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0736074015/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0736074015&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=DKE3PHBXRSRM4XDR)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=hubp0a6aa-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0736074015) ## **Arm Workout Summary** All of the arm exercises mentioned here can be considered as part of your approach to building killer arms. You should start off with light weight and over the course of time add more so that your muscles remain challenged. If you are looking for more information on how to build impressive arms and a better upper body, consider getting a copy of the book: **[Strong Arms and Upper Body](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0736074015/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0736074015&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=6LFMJ63IU5PQIOGU).** There are lots of great recommendations, tips and exercises in this read that are spelled out in an easy to understand, step by step fashion. I hope you found this post helpful. Thanks for visiting **Men’s Culture** . Please like us on **Facebook!** Circle us On **Google+** and Pin us on **Pinterest**! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Arm Workouts, Biceps, Body, Exercise, Triceps, Workouts --- ### [5 Reasons Why You Should Never Workout Sick](https://guycounseling.com/5-reasons-never-workout-sick/) **Published:** October 4, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![working out sick](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/working-out-sick1.jpg?resize=621%2C413&ssl=1)** ## **Going to the Gym Sick is a Bad Idea** Are you **feeling sick** right now and thinking of **working out**?  Got some aches and pains? Are you debating if it is a good idea to go to the **gym** with a **cold**? Do you think you might have the flu and are wondering if it is [**OK to still exercise**](http://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/features/exercising-when-sick)? The simple answer to all of these questions is NO. In fact – let me restate and say … **HELL NO!** This article will explore the topic of working out while sick and quickly run through five reasons why you should never do it. The genesis for this post came to me after having a number of people at my gym disclosed they were dealing with a cold but decided to “keep working out”. These proclamations were made despite the fact that several of these folks were running a fever. Are you ready for the 5 reasons you should never workout sick? OK, let’s jump right in. ![guy with cold gym](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/guy-with-cold.jpg?resize=517%2C360&ssl=1) ## Working Out Sick – Five Reasons Not To **1. You are spreading your virus to everyone else** This single point is probably the biggest reason you should not go to the gym when you are sick. Are you ready? Your fellow gym members don’t want to come down with your bug. It’s not OK to come in and “just do cardio” when you are dealing with a cold or flu either. Got a runny nose? Have an elevated temperature? How about a nasty cough? If so, please, just stay home and let yourself recover. Don’t infect everyone else. **2. You can get a secondary infection** Your body is already trying to fight back against a nasty cold or flu bug. This means your immunity is already going to be down. Why on earth would you subject yourself to a **petri dish** of other viruses and bacteria in your sickly state? If you think you are sick now just wait until you pick up what is [**waiting for you at the gym**](http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/body/germs-bacteria/germs-at-the-gym/). **3. You can injure yourself** Another major reason you should not workout when you are sick is simply this – you are more likely to injure yourself. Think about it for a moment. Your body is already fighting off some type of a bug. This means your thinking is already going to be cloudy. Throw in some cold/flu medications and you become even unfocused. Do you really want to be pushing around 50 LB plus dumbbells right now? Is it really a smart idea to jump on a flat-bench while you are having problems concentrating? **4. You are prolonging your illness** Remember, you are sick. This means your body is trying to muster up as much energy as it can to put down that cold or flu bug. The more energy you expend through intense exercise, the less energy your immune system has to kill off that virus. The end result means a cold or flu that should have only lasted a week will now become extended longer – perhaps much longer. Do you see why working out right now is a bad idea? **5. You are not really working out** Let’s be honest. If you are asking yourself if it is a good idea to hit the gym while sick, you probably are playing a mental game and having a conversation that goes something like this: *“If I go to the gym, I will just use light weights”* or “*If I work out today, I will just use the machines and do light cardio*”. Guess what – if you are saying these things to yourself, it means you are not *really* going to be working out anyway. And so I ask you – why are you going in the first place? What’s your motivation? If you are wrestling with the answer to this question, see points 1-4. Now ask yourself, is going to the gym right now really worth it? ![working out sick exercise](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/sick-man.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## **Working Out Sick Summary** Many people have different thoughts about workout out sick. Some websites suggest it is OK to head into the gym if your cold is “above the neck”. Folks – that is a bunch of non-sense. While your symptoms may be showing in the form of a runny nose or teary eyes, that doesn’t mean the rest of your body isn’t trying to fight off an illness. And you have no idea what symptoms are going to follow until your cold or flu has run its course. Honestly, when you are sick, the best possible thing you can do for yourself is avoid working out altogether. Stay at home if possible and heal up. Consider some natural remedies to help with the recovery process. I have included a book recommendation below by the Physicians Desk Reference that explores [**natural ways to recover**](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/060980071X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=060980071X&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20&linkId=IOU4E7I53UEGSD4U) from illness. I know many people who exercise on a regular basis feel guilty for missing a workout, fearful they will lose long fought for gains. I am here to tell you that taking a few days off (even week off) if you are sick is perfectly OK. You won’t lose major muscle over that short period of time. In fact, you might even grow a bit because you have given your body an extended period to recover. I hope you found this post helpful. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling. Please like us on **Facebook!** Circle us On **Google+** and Pin us on **Pinterest**! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Cold, Flu, Sick, working out sick, workout --- ### [Jared Leto Looks Years Younger Than Real Age](https://guycounseling.com/jared-leto-looks-years-younger-real-age/) **Published:** May 11, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **Jared Leto Defies Aging** Recently, I was working out at the gym and I ran into a friend of mine who I had not seen in a good 10-years. As we began chatting, it dawned on me that my friend had pretty much not aged since I had seen him a decade ago. Sure, he had a few gray hairs here and some wrinkles here and there but for the most part, this dude looked pretty much the same as I had remembered. If I had to describe him, he looks a lot like **Jared Leto**. Many people do not realize this but Jared Leto is 42-years old. That dude doesn’t look a day older than 30 (in my opinion). ![jared leto plastic surgery?](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Screen-shot-2014-01-06-at-11.36.04-AM.jpg?resize=721%2C716&ssl=1 "jered leto") This encounter with my friend got me to thinking men and aging and particularly how some guys are able to “preserve” themselves in a way that is astonishing. In the case of my friend, he is 45 but could easily pass for someone in their late 20’s to early thirties. I am pretty sure he has had Botox but I couldn’t swear on it. As many of you know, I have shared with you that I have done the **Botox thing** in the past. Leto attributes his youthful looks to him being a longtime. He also is involved with yoga various workouts, which help him to defy his age. Jared, who was born in 1971, looks a good decade (if not more) younger than his real age. The star also doesn’t drink alcohol and gets plenty of rest. “Twenty solid years of eating vegetarian/vegan and taking care of myself \[is my anti-aging secret\],” Leto told **[GQ](http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style/articles/2013-03/05/jared-leto-hugo-boss-red-fragrance-interview)**. “That probably helps the preservation process. It’s probably just down to sleep and diet.” ![jared leto young](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/12ed04e3a4ebc5e044cac24066dfd833.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1 "jared leto") [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000WZCJ70&Format=_SL160_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000WZCJ70/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000WZCJ70&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=GW6CXNGY7OU3EHKP)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000WZCJ70) ### **Skin Care for Men** I know a lot of the basics of self-care for skin, like drinking lots of water, green teas and of course making sure a healthy diet is in place. Regular exercise that includes resistance training also seems to be effective with slowing down the aging process, according to the **[research](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S004763749900072X)**. ### **What are your Skincare Tips?** What I am hoping to discover is **what you do** to slow down the aging process or keep yourself looking amazing at whatever age you are at in life. For example, do you use certain products? Do you make products for yourself (i.e. masks)? My hope in having this discussion is to help others learn more about self-care with particular emphasis on anti-aging. Don’t be bashful – this blog is all about muscle dudes who take care of themselves. [Like Men’s Culture on Facebook!](https://www.facebook.com/menscultureblog/) Circle us On **Google+** **Categories:** Guy Files **Tags:** jared leto --- ### [Free Weights vs Machines](https://guycounseling.com/free-weights-vs-machines/) **Published:** May 10, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **![free weights](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/free-weights.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1)** ## **Do You like to Use Free Weights or Machines?** A big time hot topic around my gym and among body building in general relates to the topic of ***free Weights vs machines***. Guys that I know who lift regularly have very strong opinions about this. I thought it might be kind of interesting to create a post to explore this topic and get the input of folks who visit this site regularly. I am going to first try and define the term “Free Weights” and then offer a definition for “Machine”. ## **Free Weights** Free-weights include dumbbells and plates that are typically loaded on to the end of a barbell. Free-weight exercises are performed usually on utility benches or squat racks. In most all cases, free weights require the lifter to self-balance when conducting a given set of repetitions. An example might be someone doing the bench press. Balance of the weights rests solely on the lifter (unless a spotter is used to assist). Free weights are often used for the purpose of pyramiding a workout. ## **![strength vs. power](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/strength-vs.-power.jpg?resize=640%2C381&ssl=1)Machines** Machines can be defined as an apparatus that is designed to mimic free weights and aid with balance. Machines often have cables and pins, attached to some type of adjustable weights. Machines can be used to pyramid a workout and can be used for progressive overloading. Some machines allow the lifter to engage in *isometric exercise*, which is a 25 center term for an exercise that is a static muscle contraction involving no movement. An example might be a stretching machine used for resistance. There is some debate regarding isometric exercise as a way to build strength. Simply put, I have read that it is not helpful. ## **Thoughts** A lot of people don’t realize that your strength level is not just determined by how big you muscles are, but also by your nervous system. Nerves adapt to resistance training just like your muscles do. Their structure and function change to allow you to lift more weight. Due to free-form involved with training with free weights, it is likely that the stimuli to the nervous system is greater than with machines. Still, I do think there is a place for the use of machines for body builders and gym enthusiasts. My own thought is that a hybrid approach, using free-weights during one workout and machines during the next can help a person involved with strength training break-up their workouts while also preventing the dreaded muscle plateau scenario. Progressive overloading is important with both approaches. I personally use a training journal for each and every workout. I try to write down what exercises I am doing and if I used a machine or free weights. To help me better understand that training session, I typically rate the workout on a level from 1-10 (10 being excellent and 1 being crappy). Most days I rate a 7. I’ve noticed that on days I use free-weights, I rate higher (not sure why). **What is your approach at the gym?** Do you free-weights or machines or both? What have you found most helpful when choosing to decide? If you have time, I would dig it if you would like my blog on [**Facebook**](https://www.facebook.com/menscultureblog/) or Circle me on **Google+**  Peace out! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** Exercise, free weights vs. machines, Workouts --- ### [Build Six Pack Abs for Body Builders with IPhone](https://guycounseling.com/build-six-pack-abs-for-body-builders-with-iphone/) **Published:** May 10, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **Build Six Pack with Smart-Phone** I am going to tell you about a super easy trick that you can use to help build **six pack abs** as part of your general fitness routine. All you need is a smart-phone (i-Phone, Android, Windows Phone or even an iPad) plus a hard surface, like your living room floor. [![beach](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/beach1.jpg?resize=417%2C417&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/beach1.jpg?ssl=1) One of the coolest things you will see at the beach is the guy who has an impressive set of six pack abs. Seeing a dude like this probably motivated you in some way start working on your own six-pack. I personally know a lot of guys who have washboard abs and many of them are well past the age of 30. Let’s keep it real – people notice the abdominals! This is me at the beach taking a break from a run. Nice day. Here are three steps to building your six-pack abs, starting with the smart-phone trick. ## **1. Smart Phone Alarm every 3 hours** I do crunches about 60 seconds after I get out of the bed in the morning. Usually, I do about 200 vary the crunches using different approaches. Example, 25 on my back, 25 on each side, 50 on my back again and so on until I hit 200. **After the first morning set of crunches, I set my smart-phone to go off every 3 hours and repeat the morning ab routine with different variations.** Yes folks, it is simple as that. I use my phone’s alarm to go over at intervals throughout the day and make myself get up to do abdominal crunches. This is in addition to my ab workout that gym. **Here is what it looks like:** | Morning Abs 6am | 200 Crunches | |---|---| | Mid-Morning Abs 9 am | 200 Crunches | | Gym with Abs 12 Noon | 200 crunches | | After Crunches 4PM | 200 Crunches | | Evening Crunches 7PM | 200 Crunches | | **Total** | **1000 Crunches Daily** | This may look like a lot but I can tell you that after you start doing this routine for a about a week, it becomes easier and eventually, habitual. It’s all about ritualizing your behaviors in a healthy way. Here are two other things you should consider as part of your journey to building or maintaining a six pack set of abs. ## **2. Cut down the processed food** In addition to the use of my smart-phone, I also try to cut down on processed foods. This is a simple, easy to understand concept. There is no magic here. You just need to cut down or significantly reduce the processed foods if you want those ab crunches to take hold so that your “abs pop”. People often ask me, ***What are processed foods?*** “Processed foods” is a 25 cent term used to describe food products that usually contain a ![shutterstock_41320078](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/shutterstock_41320078-150x150.jpg?resize=140%2C140&ssl=1)high number of unhealthy fats. Worse, they often have “cheap fats” and “fillers”, like refined seed and vegetable oils (soybean oil) that are often hydrogenated, which basically turns them into trans fats. You may not know this but vegetable oils can be extremely unhealthy. Many people are fooled into thinking they are OK to eat because of the word “vegetable”. Totally not true. Here is the deal about processed foods – that crap goes right to your gut and can eventually create hard to get rid of love handles. I won’t lie to you …once in a while I do eat foods that are processed but it’s the exception rather than the rule. Notice I said cut down on processed foods. If you are a busy person, I realize that sometimes, it can be almost impossible to avoid them. That is why I am trying to keep it real here. And so whenever possible, opt for lean cuts of meat or fresh fruits if you are a dude that has a sweet tooth. [![ab exercises ball](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/ab-exercises-ball.gif?resize=468%2C263&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/ab-exercises-ball.gif?ssl=1) I want to recommend to you a book by Michael Matthews called, [***The Shredded Chef***](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1938895088/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1938895088&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=4JQIWA6NTBF7RKX4). Like me, he offers a no-nonsense approach to fitness and does it in a way that is easy to understand. This may be a helpful resource to you as you think about food options. [![](http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1938895088&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=gml2014-20)](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1938895088/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1938895088&linkCode=as2&tag=gml2014-20&linkId=IMXB4E3YATYV77FJ)![](http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=gml2014-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1938895088)OK last point … ## **3. Get in 20-30 minutes of cardio each day** Under this point, you need to do at least 20-30 minutes of intense [![red star](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/dreamstime_l_480454-150x150.jpg?resize=130%2C130&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/dreamstime_l_480454.jpg?ssl=1)cardio each day. I use the stair-master a few times a week and mix it up with the bike and treadmill at my gym. You want to have a decent sweat going for sure. Ideally, you will do cardio each day but at a minimum, strive for 5-7 days a week. You don’t have to go crazy here by the way with cardio, just make sure it is consistent. **Six Pack Abs: Final Thoughts** The key to getting six pack abs is focus and persistence. There is no magic bullet and no “quick and fast” way to make it happen. It took me about six weeks to start seeing the benefits of my abdominal program pay off.  I am cool with what I see now but I do not take that as a permission slip to stop my program. I’m including a video here for you to check out on abdominal work to give you some basic ideas on how to do this at home. You do not need to be a gym bunny to get your six-pack on. You just need to be consistent in working them out. I would love to hear what you do to build your six-pack. Please share in the discussions. If you dug this article, please **Like on Facebook.** Peace out! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** abs --- ### [Male Body Types: Somatotypes Explained with Pictures](https://guycounseling.com/male-body-types-somatotypes-explained-with-pictures/) **Published:** May 10, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![atlas of man male body types](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/male-body-types-atlas-statue.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1 "male body types")Atlas of Man Statue ## **What’s Your Body Type?** One of the keys to building the muscular body that you have always dreamed about is understanding your body type. Generally speaking, there are three body types that you will want to become familiar with in order to create a diet and workout routine that matches what you were born with. Specifically, I am talking about [*Somatotypes* ](http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1955-01908-000)(pronounced SO-MA-TOE-TYPE). Keep in mind what follows are male body types. [![](//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&MarketPlace=US&ASIN=B000NZXYV4&ServiceVersion=20070822&ID=AsinImage&WS=1&Format=_SL250_&tag=guycounseling-20)](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000NZXYV4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000NZXYV4&linkCode=as2&tag=guycounseling-20&linkId=300307ebe92a75df8bd8057a56a31c75)![](//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=guycounseling-20&l=am2&o=1&a=B000NZXYV4) ## **Somatotypes Explained** The concept of somatotypes (body types) was developed by William H. Sheldon in the 1940s. Sheldon was an American Psychologist who suggested a connection between the male body type and his psychological temperament. While there has always been a great deal of disagreement about a so called “link” between a person’s build and their personality, Sheldon did offer a fairly good blue-print that is useful to weight-lifters, body builders and dudes like you who go to the gym. In 1954, Sheldon’s book was published, *[Atlas of Men](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001UAJ99C/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001UAJ99C&linkCode=as2&tag=hubp0a6aa-20)*, where he offered his three male body types to the world. These three body types are ***ectomorphs****, **mesomorphs*** and ***endomorphs*.** I am going to walk you through each of somatotype (male body type) and give you detailed information regarding each physique. I will also include diet information that speaks in generalities but will offer some basic insight into what may work best for that somatotype. ## **Male Body Types – Important!** One of the main things people do not know (or forget) when talking about ectomorphs, mesomorphs and endomorphs is that Sheldon offered these on a scale, meaning that it is not expected an individual fit perfectly within a given body type. In other words, it is possible, if not highly probable, that your body type is mostly ectomorph, endomorph or mesomorph but not an exact match. I want you to think about these body types as a kind of spectrum that you will fall into and not a box that you wedge yourself into with a label. ## **Celebrity Examples** I am also going to include different pictures of popular celebrities for illustrative purposes. My sense is that having an example will best help you “see” which body type you most align with. Keep in mind the celebs listed here are in optimal shape for their body type! Examine each of the three body types below and decide which one best represents your situation. Take note of the customized diet and exercise tips under each body type and employ these suggestions in your sharp routine. Let’s take a look now at ectomorph, mesomorph endomorph explained! ![](https://i0.wp.com/api.ning.com/files/QGIs1wfwBxfYp%2AY96JRHkzZYWv24UmuXv0bqxjMlS1SFW5DhgNBzZ8m9VjCTzbguAk85tecq9B0bhAs6gUcM%2AhSE-L8t6c5w/kobebryant02.jpg?resize=409%2C516)Kobe Bryant – Ectomorph ## **ECTOMORPH (Thin and Tall)** A thin and tall appearance is typical of this particular body type. Ectomorphs are usually low on body fat and low on muscle mass. Generally speaking, ectomorphs have muscles that are long and thin in appearance, particularly in the leg and arm areas of the body. Kobe Bryant is a good example of an ectomorph body type. New muscle growth can be difficult for this body type as ectomorphs have a difficult time packing on muscle. When you think of ectomorphs, conjure up mental images of marathon runners and basketball players. ### **Ectomorph Diet** Ectomorphs will discover that both muscle and weight gain are more easily achieved by not fearing calories and carbs during mealtime. By “meals”, I am talking about eating five to seven smallish meals per day, preferably with the higher carb meals happening earlier in the day. Examples include breakfast and lunch. It is thought that ectomorphs should increase their fat intake by 20-30 percent, provided it comes from healthy fat sources (aka unsaturated fat). Examples include fish, nuts and beans (lentils). Use of oils in food should be limited but if you have to use some type of oil, stick to vegetable, The intake of protein is key to this body type. Ectomorphs should try to ensure that two of the meals ingested daily have at least 15 grams of protein. Avoid drinking sugary protein shakes to get your reach your protein goal if you are an ectomorph. Instead, opt for eating acting actual foods that are high in protein count (i.e. chicken and fish). This way, you are getting natural sources of protein while revving up your metabolism ### **Ectomorph Diet Tips** Tuna and Chicken are excellent small meal choices and do a fairly good job of making sure you are getting the right amount of nutrients. I have seen more than a few ectomorphs benefit from including a low-fat red meat (Yes I said that) into a weekly diet. While this is not required, it can help to create a bit of change for the ectomorph diet and prevent a case of the “same old – same old” from settling in. ### **Ectomorph Workout** Ectomorphs are natural fat burners. The best way ectomorphs can realize new muscle gain is by doing low reps while using heavy weights. Cardio can be part of the ectomorph workout plan provided it is limited to 3-5x a week at a moderate pace of no more than 15 minutes. ## **![cam gigendet tie](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/cam-gigendet-tie.jpg?resize=500%2C375&ssl=1)** ## **MESOMORPH (Medium Height/Weight)** A hard, muscular body that looks “built” typically characterizes the mesomorph. Generally speaking, mesomorphs have little trouble losing or gaining weight and possess an almost magical ability to rapidly pack on muscle. Understandably, the other two body types tend to be envious of mesomorphs because they can characteristically eat whatever they want still somehow have naturally “hot” bodies. [Cam Gigandet](https://guycounseling.com/cam-gigandet-ab-workout/) is a good example of a mesomorph. Mesomorph muscles generally appear medium in length and are complimented by a well-built upper body. But not everything is comes up roses for mesomorphs. This body type is often challenged with packing on new muscle and seems to plateau fairly. This problem can usual be traced to dietary challenges or irregular, inconsistent visits to the gym. When you think of mesomorphs, think of gymnasts and boxers. In other words, built, cut and rock hard. ### **Mesomorph Diet** Ideally, mesomorphs should try to eat four to six meals per day that are high in protein. This means 7 out of 7 days of the week. Additionally, consistent gym visits are key to working through growth plateaus. ### **Mesomorph Diet Tips** As mentioned earlier, consistency in diet is the key to maintaining and growing the mesomorph body. Essentially, this means fueling your mesomorph bod with the right nutrients and not skipping out on meals. As a goal, try take in at least 1 to 1.5 grams of protein per pound of mesomorph body weight with each and every meal. And check this out – there is no need for long workout sessions at the gym. Remember, mesomorphs tend to gain muscle easy. If the workouts are too long or too intense, they can become counterproductive. If truth be told, the mesomorph body is the most desired, simply because results don’t take as long to realize as other body types. My best advice is to stick to a diet that is low in fat and high in protein. If you can get that protein from natural sources, such as chicken, fish and lean meats, even better. With a little effort and a little time, you can maintain or build an impressive physique – the type that everyone wishes they could have. ### **Mesomorph Workout** Mesomorphs should engage in resistance training at least three to five times per week (but no more). Cardio exercises, like a bike or treadmill are fine for mesomorphs provided 2 days are taken off. Restrict cardio exercises to no more than 30 minutes per session and only 10 minutes of each session should be “intense”. Obviously, if you are just starting back at the gym, these numbers can be adjusted until you reach your goal. ### **Mesomorph Exercises** Free weights are this body type’s best friend in the gym. Consider compound exercise approaches, such as the bench press (chest), “Reverse Hammer Curls” (triceps and *brachial muscles*) and standing squats (legs and butt) in your quest for a hot physique. If for some reason you find you are not packing on new muscle, try reducing the number of reputations you are doing and increase the weight to a slightly higher amount (i.e., if you are using a 35-pound dumbbell for bicep curls, increase it to 40 pounds). The key here is to use the [*progressive overload principle*](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/) for mesomorphs. Finally, mesomorphs need to learn that over training a given body part will prohibit growth. Avoid super long sets and opt for an approach that is less strenuous. Examples include a four set exercise routine of progressive overloading, with the weight pyramiding upwards. An example might be a rep of twelve, eight, six and six. ## **ENDOMORPH (Stocky/Short)** This body type has it tough. Endomorphs, characteristically have a short, round look and are often typed by others as being “stocky”. Endomorphs tend to have wider hips and for many, extra undesirable “baby fat” (face, butt, and legs). The good news is that endomorphs will generally find new muscle gain to be easy! The not so great news is that weight loss can sometimes be a challenge. Many professional weightlifters fall into the endomorph category. [Zac Efron](https://guycounseling.com/zac-efron-skin-routine/) is considered an endomorph. ### **Endomorph Diet** For endomorphs, increasing the metabolic rate is critical to the twin goals of losing body fat and packing on muscle. This means reducing fat and calorie intake and spacing out four to six small meals throughout the day. The small meals ideally should be consumed every 4 hours. Like the other body types, endomorphs want to eat foods that are low in fat and high in protein. Healthy examples include water packed tuna, low-sugar protein bars and grilled (not fried) chicken. Also, including high fiber foods, such as fruits and vegetables are helpful with moving food through the digestive system. Use of dairy products should be restrict to non-fat milks and non-fat cheeses. Endomorphs should do all possible to avoid late nigh snacking. The last “major” meal of the day should be eaten no less than four hours before bedtime. This approach will enable endomorphs to metabolize the foods in a healthy way so that food does not “sit” in the stomach or “stick” to your midsection because of undesirable bloating. Hydration is important for endomorphs to help move food through the body and to increase metabolism. Try to drink at least ten, eight-ounce “glasses” of H20 per day. Endomorphs will find it helpful to choose one day during the week as a “cheat” day. Cheat days are a 25 cent term used to describe a day where you can eat “off the grid” and scarf down “bad” food, like burgers and fried chicken. The benefit of the cheat day is bifurcated: you have something to look forward to each week and you won’t feel like you are sacrificing meals that you love. FYI – if you extend your cheat day to more than one during a given week, you are not creating real change and thus, cheating yourself out of maintaining or building a rock-hard body! ### **Endomorph Workout** Endomorphs generally are heavier. The physical goal should therefore be weight loss. The best way to accomplish this is to start by adding regular cardio activities into each of your gym visits. Do this five to six times a week if possible. Don’t rush it – start off slow (like 10 minutes) and build your way to up 30-45 minutes over the course of time. Some great choices for endomorphs include stair-masters, bicycle machines and elliptical devices. Jumping rope also can be tremendously helpful with weight loss and getting that “cut” look. Endomorphs should avoid buying into the old gym myth of having to “break into a sweat” in order to lose weight; not true. Instead, consistent, low-impact aerobic type exercises are preferred. For example, walking at a steady pace on an inclined treadmill can do wonders for this body type. Again, the keyword is constancy. Weightlifting is the second important consideration for endomorphs to build or maintain. Try to visit the gym at least three times per week and place two days off in between strength training sessions. Workout your major muscle groups as suggested for ectomorphs. You may want to consider adding an isolation exercise, such as the “peck-deck” to help build tone. Ideally, endomorphs should opt for low weights and high reps. Remember, the goal is twofold; weight loss and new muscle growth. Doing something different from time to time is OK but you want to burn of that fat and blow out your muscles. ## **Body Types – Final Thoughts** The ability to sculpt your physique into something you can be proud of takes a great deal of time and patience. One of the keys to reaching your goals is understanding the body type you were born with. Knowing if you are an endomorph, mesomorph or ectomorph should be considered as part of your body building plan. So there you have it – the three body types (somatotypes). Use what you have read here and factor it into your gym routine. Build that rock hard body and make sure you keep your body type in mind when you build your workouts! We are all rooting for you! **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** body types, Exercise, Fitness, workout routines, Workouts --- ### [Progressive Overload and Body Building](https://guycounseling.com/progressive-overload-body-building/) **Published:** February 16, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![progressive overload](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/progressive-overload.jpg?resize=610%2C406&ssl=1)](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/progressive-overload.jpg?ssl=1) ## **What is Progressive Overload?** A frequent question for people who are new to bodybuilding is: ***what is progressive overload?*** It is a perfectly natural question when you think about it because this **[term](http://journals.lww.com/ajpmr/Citation/1958/10000/APPLICATION_OF_THE_OVERLOAD_PRINCIPLE_TO_MUSCLE.4.aspx)** is used regularly among most people who lift weights. This brief post will offer a basic definition of progressive overload and help to bring clarity to an approach to body building that is often misunderstood and frequently misused. Are you ready? Let’s jump right in! ## **Progressive Overload Principle** Two important constructs exist that I want to introduce you to. One is *progressive training* and the other is *progressive overload*. According to the **principle of progressive overload** as mentioned by a [**Chicago therapy**](http://chicagocounselingtherapy.com/) and wellness consultant, systematically increasing the demands on the body is an important aspect of muscular development and growth. For example, when engaging in a strength training program, in order to gain **[strength](https://guycounseling.com/muscular-strength-a-term-bodybuilders-must-know/)**, the muscles need to be overloaded – which basically means they must be loaded beyond the point which they are accustomed to. ![progressive overload](http://scontent-a.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xaf1/t51.2885-15/s306x306/e15/10914304_1397442927221829_1217644220_n.jpg) ## **Progressive Resistance Training** Progressive resistance training is a 25-cent term that implies that as the muscles become stronger, either increased resistance or increased repetitions are necessary (really required) in order to stimulate greater strength gains. ## **Progressive Overload Example** An example of the progressive overload principle in action would be as follow. Imagine a young man who can perform only around 10 reps of a bench press before he gets to a place of feeling completely wiped out. Let’s say he is lifting 110 LBS in total at this point. With a week or two of consistent resistance training, he *should* be able to increase his reps to around 14-15 with the same weight. Now let’s imagine that he adds another 5 LBS to the universal bar and decreases his reps to 8 or even 10. ![Progressive Overload Body Building](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/chest-workout.jpg?resize=500%2C371&ssl=1)Progressive Overloading Explained As he continues to engage in strength training, the reps continue to increase; and within another week or two (maybe three) he is ready to add another 5 LBS to the bar. His improvement will largely depend on a progressive increase in the amount of weight lifted and of course, consistency at the gym. If he adds aerobic training to the mix, his intensity and duration at the gym will increase through the magic of endurance. ![progressive overload principle](https://usernamedopeaf.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/progressiveoverloaddefinition.jpg?w=470&resize=470%2C174) ## **Summing Things Up** According to the principle of progressive overload, as the body adapts to a given training program at a given volume and intensity, the stress placed on the body must also increase for the training to be effective. The key take-away you should think about is that word *progressive*. In other words, you add weights to your workout routine incrementally. Too many newbies to the gym and even some body builder veterans try to rush muscular development by overloading the weight bar. That’s not progressive overloading folks – that’s just an injury waiting to happen. I hope you found the material presented here on progressive overload helpful. Thanks for visiting Guy Counseling! Please Like us on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling) and share on other social media platforms. **Categories:** Health & Fitness **Tags:** progressive overload --- ### [Egg Beaters for Body Builders](https://guycounseling.com/egg-beaters-body-builders/) **Published:** May 24, 2014 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## **High Protein Breakfast 5 Minutes or Less** One of the main challenges for many body builders is having enough time to prepare a breakfast that is low in fat, high in protein and simple to make. I am going to walk you through a very real breakfast option that you can make in five minutes or less that provides a super easy option for breakfast that gives you the essential nutrients you need as a lifter and do so without sacrificing taste. This breakfast also doesn’t load you up with unwanted fats and calories. The inspiration for what appears here comes from studying Hollywood celebrities. Many male actors who are into body building are constantly on the run, moving from one filming scene to the next at a dizzying pace. This kind of lifestyle means they need to find quick meal options that hit the trifecta of low fat, high protein and short prep time. **[Marco Dapper](https://instagram.com/dapperguy/?hl=en)**, an actor who is into fitness and played the part of Carmine Basco on CBS’s *Young and the Restless* comes to mind. He has an kick-butt bod and has somehow found the ability to fit in healthy eating and working out while also holding a challenging schedule for a television show that airs five days a week. ![egg beaters](https://i0.wp.com/i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/07/02/72/00/0007027200216_500X500.jpg?resize=500%2C500) ### **Here is what you need:** 1. 1 Cup of Egg Beaters Original (store brand version OK) 2. Dash of Pepper 3. ½ Cup of Left of Chicken or Turkey 4. 1 Slice of Fat Free Cheese (optional) ### **Directions** 1. Pour egg beaters into a microwave safe bowl. 2. Add dash of pepper 3. Add chicken or turkey 4. Tear cheese into strips and toss into bowl When all of the ingredients are in the bowl, take a fork and whisk/mix them together. Place bowl in microwave and set to HIGH for 3 minutes (some microwaves may require four minutes, depending upon wattage). After 2 minutes, take a fork and swirl eggs mixture together to help keep consistency and avoid globing. ### **Options** If you want extra flavor, you can pick up the Southwest version of Eggbeaters or throw in a dash of your favorite spice. Some people also like to use one tablespoon of low calorie maple syrup. **CALORIES                 TOTAL FAT                         PROTEIN** 245                                   3                                      19 **Final Thoughts** You can everything you need for this meal for less than five dollars, assuming you have some left-over chicken or turkey. If you don’t have left over poultry, you can easily grab some Brown and Serve Turkey links (fat content 2.7 grams). **Categories:** Mind **Tags:** breakfast --- ## Pages ### [Home](https://guycounseling.com/) **Published:** April 1, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** --- ### [Home](https://guycounseling.com/) **Published:** April 1, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** --- ### [Home](https://guycounseling.com/) **Published:** April 1, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** --- ### [Meet Dr. John D. Moore — The Men's Self-Help Podcast 🎙️](https://guycounseling.com/meet-dr-john-d-moore/) **Published:** September 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![The Men's Self-Help Podcast with Dr. John Moore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Mens-Self-Help-Banner-Page-3.jpg?resize=1280%2C450&ssl=1) 🎙️ ![JDM](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/cropped-JDM-light-blue-shirt-.jpg?resize=188%2C188&ssl=1)Quick Background ✦ Ph.D. in Psychology ✦ Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor ✦ National Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist ✦ Board Certified Drug & Alcohol Counselor ✦ Host of the Men’s Self Help Podcast ✦ Founder of Guy Counseling ◆ ## Who’s Behind the Mic 🎙️ Dr. John D. Moore is a licensed mental health counselor, counselor educator, and board-certified clinical hypnotherapist based in Chicago. He’s spent his career in counseling, coaching, teaching, and applied psychology — and he built [Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/) to bring that background to men in a format that doesn’t feel clinical or preachy. His work and commentary have appeared in or been cited by Men’s Health, Cosmo, The Wall Street Journal, WebMD, NPR, and other national outlets. But most people find him through their earbuds — hosting a weekly show that treats men’s mental health like a normal conversation, not a taboo one. ## Training and Licensure 👔 Dr. Moore holds a Ph.D. in Psychology from the School of Behavioral Science at Northcentral University, a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health from the University of the Cumberlands, and an MBA in Healthcare Management from the Indiana Institute of Technology. He is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, Board-Certified Drug & Alcohol Counselor, and National Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, with additional training in EMDR and cognitive therapy approaches through the Beck Institute. He is a full member of the Association for Behavioral & Cognitive Therapies. He also teaches graduate and undergraduate courses in psychology and business at the university level. ![Guy Counseling mountain emblem](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/moutain.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## The Men’s Self-Help Podcast 🎙️ Every episode, John takes one idea — sometimes a mindset shift, sometimes a straight-up thought experiment — and works through it the way he’d talk you through it in his office. No script-reading, no jargon dump. Just direct, sometimes irreverent, always practical conversation about the stuff men usually keep to themselves. Expect real psychology, real frameworks, and a fair amount of Chicago in the delivery. New episodes drop regularly, plus a mailbag segment where John answers listener questions directly. Featured and Quoted Dr. Moore has been quoted on topics related to mental and physical health in nationally syndicated print and electronic media, including the LA Times, ABC News, MarketWatch, Billboard, WebMD, Men’s Health, Cosmo, and National Public Radio. Keep Going ## Catch an Episode, or Poke Around the Site New episodes drop regularly. And GuyCounseling.com has hundreds of articles on mindset, relationships, and men’s wellness if you want more between episodes. [Listen to the Podcast →](https://guycounseling.com/9hl7) [Visit Guy Counseling →](https://guycounseling.com/) --- ### [Books for Men](https://guycounseling.com/books-for-men/) **Published:** September 12, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Books for Men: GUY COUNSELING RECOMMENDED READING ## The Guy Counseling Bookshelf A curated collection of books on mental health, relationships, confidence, masculinity, purpose, psychology, and personal growth for men who want to better understand themselves and move forward with intention. [Explore the Books](#anxiety-mood) ![Guy Counseling recommended books for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/Mens-Book-Store-Hero-Graphic.jpg?ssl=1) A good self-help book cannot do the work for you and you’re going to need **books for men**. What it can do is introduce a useful idea, help you see an old problem differently, or give you practical tools you can experiment with in your own life. The books collected here cover some of the subjects we talk about most often on Guy Counseling and The Men’s Self-Help Podcast, including anxiety, confidence, relationships, emotional health, masculinity, purpose, sexuality, and personal growth. This is not meant to be an exhaustive library. It is a focused collection of books we believe offer something worth considering, whether that is a practical strategy, a different perspective, or simply better language for understanding what you may be experiencing. **Disclosure:** Some links on this page are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling earns from qualifying purchases. Book recommendations are selected for their potential educational or self-help value and are not a substitute for professional mental health care. BROWSE THE BOOKS [🧠 Anxiety, Mood & Emotional Health](#anxiety-mood) [🛡️ Confidence, Boundaries & Getting Your Sh\*t Together](#confidence-boundaries) [🔥 Relationships, Sex & Intimacy](#relationships-intimacy) [🧭 Men, Masculinity & Purpose](#masculinity-purpose) [🔮 Psychology & the Deeper Stuff](#psychology-deeper) ## 🧠 Anxiety, Mood & Emotional Health Anxiety can make your world feel smaller. You may find yourself avoiding things you once handled easily, replaying conversations, scanning your body for signs that something is wrong, or trying to reason your way out of thoughts that seem to become louder the more attention you give them. The books in this section approach anxiety and emotional health from slightly different directions. Some are structured workbooks. Others focus on intrusive thoughts, acceptance, or the repetitive behaviors that keep anxiety going. Reading can be a useful starting point, especially when you want language for what you are experiencing or practical exercises to try. ![Anxiety and emotional health recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/anxiety-mood-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧠 ### The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook Edmund J. Bourne, PhD **Best for:** anxiety, panic, phobias, and structured self-help. **Why we include it:** This longtime workbook offers practical exercises for understanding anxious patterns, reducing avoidance, working with panic and phobias, and developing coping skills over time. It is particularly useful for readers who prefer to actively work through material rather than simply read about anxiety. **Helpful for:** panic symptoms, worry, phobic avoidance, and anxiety management. Interested in taking a closer look? [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4xqJjk6). ![Anxiety and emotional health recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/anxiety-mood-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧠 ### Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts Sally M. Winston, PsyD & Martin N. Seif, PhD **Best for:** intrusive thoughts, obsessive worry, and reassurance-seeking. **Why we include it:** Intrusive thoughts become especially frightening when we assume they reveal something important about who we are. This guide explains why these thoughts occur and why fighting with them can sometimes make them more persistent. **Helpful for:** obsessive doubt, unwanted images, shame, reassurance cycles, and fear of losing control. If intrusive thoughts keep pulling you back in, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4r8efUB). ![Anxiety and emotional health recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/anxiety-mood-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧠 ### The Happiness Trap Russ Harris **Best for:** overthinking, acceptance, emotional avoidance, and values. **Why we include it:** Harris introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in an approachable way. Instead of insisting that uncomfortable thoughts disappear, the book focuses on changing how you relate to them while putting more energy into what matters. **Helpful for:** rumination, perfectionism, anxiety, emotional avoidance, and values-based living. For a different way of working with difficult thoughts and feelings, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4gR46Ir). ![Anxiety and emotional health recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/anxiety-mood-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧠 ### Health Anxiety Mastery Artem Kudelia, PhD **Best for:** health anxiety, checking, and reassurance-seeking. **Why we include it:** Health anxiety can create an exhausting cycle of body scanning, symptom searching, reassurance, temporary relief, and renewed fear. This structured guide focuses specifically on recognizing and interrupting that cycle. **Helpful for:** illness fears, symptom checking, uncertainty, and health-related worry. If health worries are difficult to disengage from, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4xT8cFW). ## 🛡️ Confidence, Boundaries & Getting Your Sh\*t Together Confidence is not about becoming louder, tougher, or more impressive. Often it is about knowing where you stand, expressing what you need, tolerating the possibility that someone may disagree, and following through on the things you say matter to you. The books in this section focus on assertiveness, boundaries, habits, self-acceptance, and the everyday behaviors that help build a steadier sense of self. None of these books promise an overnight transformation. They are useful because they emphasize practice: small changes repeated often enough that they begin to shape the way you live. ![Confidence and boundaries recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/confidence-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🛡️ ### The Assertiveness Workbook Randy J. Paterson, PhD **Best for:** saying no, boundaries, people-pleasing, and communication. **Why we include it:** Assertiveness is not aggression. Paterson shows how to express preferences, disagree respectfully, make requests, set limits, and practice responses before high-pressure situations arrive. It is especially useful for people who routinely say yes when they mean no. **Helpful for:** boundaries, difficult conversations, workplace communication, and people-pleasing. For practical exercises in speaking up, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/46nhBcP). ![Confidence and boundaries recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/confidence-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🛡️ ### Set Boundaries, Find Peace Nedra Glover Tawwab **Best for:** limits, relationships, burnout, and saying what you need. **Why we include it:** Tawwab makes boundaries concrete and understandable. She focuses on identifying your limits, communicating them clearly, and recognizing that discomfort after setting a boundary does not necessarily mean you made the wrong decision. **Helpful for:** family stress, work-life balance, resentment, codependency, and difficult relationships. For an accessible introduction to healthier boundaries, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3SYXb70). ![Confidence and boundaries recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/confidence-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🛡️ ### Atomic Habits James Clear **Best for:** habits, consistency, motivation, and behavior change. **Why we include it:** Clear shifts the focus away from dramatic bursts of motivation and toward systems, environment, repetition, and identity. The book is useful for anyone tired of setting huge goals and repeatedly wondering why they do not stick. **Helpful for:** routines, procrastination, exercise, productivity, and long-term change. For a practical look at making small changes stick, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4cGW6Hy). ![Confidence and boundaries recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/confidence-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🛡️ ### The Gifts of Imperfection Brené Brown **Best for:** shame, perfectionism, self-worth, and authenticity. **Why we include it:** Brown examines what happens when your sense of worth becomes tied to performing, pleasing, proving, and never appearing vulnerable. The book invites readers to replace perfectionism with a more realistic and compassionate way of showing up. **Helpful for:** perfectionism, shame, comparison, self-criticism, and vulnerability. For a thoughtful challenge to perfectionism, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3UPZ0ng). ## 🔥 Relationships, Sex & Intimacy Relationships have a way of exposing the parts of ourselves that are easiest to ignore when we are alone. Attachment, desire, fear, communication, expectations, and old wounds can all show up once another person matters to us. The books in this section explore love and intimacy without reducing either one to tricks, rules, or formulas. Some focus on attachment and emotional connection; others explore desire and sexual fantasy. The goal is not to become perfect at relationships. It is to understand yourself well enough to participate in them more honestly and intentionally. ![Relationships sex and intimacy recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/relationships-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🔥 ### The Art of Loving Erich Fromm **Best for:** thinking more deeply about love, connection, and maturity. **Why we include it:** Fromm treats love as something more demanding than chemistry or romance. He presents it as an active capacity involving care, responsibility, respect, knowledge, and maturity. It remains a useful counterpoint to the idea that love is simply something that happens to us. **Helpful for:** relationships, emotional maturity, intimacy, and understanding love as a practice. For the classic exploration of what loving actually requires, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4iqpK7J). ![Relationships sex and intimacy recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/relationships-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🔥 ### Hold Me Tight Sue Johnson **Best for:** couples who feel emotionally distant or stuck in repetitive conflict. **Why we include it:** Drawing from attachment science and Emotionally Focused Therapy, Johnson reframes recurring arguments as struggles around emotional safety and connection. The book can help partners identify the softer fears underneath defensive reactions. **Helpful for:** attachment, emotional distance, recurring fights, and reconnecting. For a relationship-centered look at attachment and connection, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3TsIglB). ![Relationships sex and intimacy recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/relationships-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🔥 ### Tell Me What You Want Justin J. Lehmiller, PhD **Best for:** sexual fantasy, desire, shame, and communication. **Why we include it:** Lehmiller draws on large-scale research into sexual fantasies to show how common many supposedly unusual desires actually are. The book provides a nonjudgmental way to think about fantasy without assuming that imagination automatically equals intention. **Helpful for:** sexual shame, curiosity, fantasy, communication, and self-understanding. For research-based insight into sexual desire and fantasy, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4iYXRUi). ![Relationships sex and intimacy recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/relationships-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🔥 ### Attached Amir Levine, MD & Rachel Heller **Best for:** understanding attachment patterns in adult relationships. **Why we include it:** This popular introduction to adult attachment gives readers accessible language for patterns involving closeness, distance, reassurance, and emotional availability. Attachment is more nuanced than a few permanent personality boxes, but the framework can still be a useful starting point. **Helpful for:** dating patterns, anxious attachment, avoidant behavior, and emotional needs. For an accessible introduction to adult attachment, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/46gWYPA). ## 🧭 Men, Masculinity & Purpose There is no single correct way to be a man. But many men inherit messages about strength, emotion, achievement, relationships, and independence long before they have a chance to decide whether those messages actually serve them. The books in this section examine male depression, masculinity, love, responsibility, meaning, and resilience without treating men as either defective or invulnerable. The common thread is direction: understanding what has shaped you, deciding what kind of man you want to be, and building a life that reflects that choice. ![Men masculinity and purpose recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/men-masculinity-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧭 ### I Don’t Want to Talk About It Terrence Real **Best for:** male depression, shame, emotional withdrawal, and family patterns. **Why we include it:** Real examines the ways depression in men can hide behind anger, work, substances, isolation, compulsive behavior, or emotional shutdown. The book also looks at how cultural expectations around masculinity can make it difficult for men to recognize their own distress. **Helpful for:** hidden depression, shame, addiction patterns, emotional distance, and relationships. For a deeper look at the hidden face of male depression, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4dhDj5R). ![Men masculinity and purpose recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/men-masculinity-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧭 ### The Will to Change bell hooks **Best for:** masculinity, emotional life, love, and social expectations. **Why we include it:** hooks explores how boys and men are often taught to disconnect from vulnerability and tenderness while still longing for closeness. Her argument is not that men are inherently damaged, but that many have inherited emotional rules that make love and intimacy harder than they need to be. **Helpful for:** emotional expression, relationships, male identity, shame, and connection. For a challenging and compassionate look at men and emotional life, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4h4TapG). ![Men masculinity and purpose recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/men-masculinity-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧭 ### Man’s Search for Meaning Viktor E. Frankl **Best for:** purpose, suffering, resilience, and meaning. **Why we include it:** Frankl’s account of surviving the Holocaust became the foundation for his ideas about meaning and human endurance. The book does not romanticize suffering. Instead, it asks what remains within our control when circumstances are painful, unfair, or impossible to change. **Helpful for:** grief, adversity, purpose, life transitions, and existential questions. For one of the enduring books on meaning and resilience, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4hkYYfT). ![Men masculinity and purpose recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/men-masculinity-book-cover.jpg?ssl=1)🧭 ### Meditations Marcus Aurelius **Best for:** perspective, self-discipline, resilience, and Stoic philosophy. **Why we include it:** Written as private reflections rather than a self-help manual, *Meditations* repeatedly returns to character, responsibility, perspective, mortality, and the distinction between what we can and cannot control. **Helpful for:** stress, frustration, perspective-taking, discipline, and acceptance. For a classic introduction to Stoic reflection, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4h0jml8). ## 🔮 Psychology & the Deeper Stuff Not every question can be answered with a checklist. Sometimes the work is less about fixing a symptom and more about understanding the larger story you are living inside. The books in this section explore the unconscious, symbolism, myth, transformation, suffering, uncertainty, and the search for meaning. Some require slower reading than the books elsewhere on this page. You do not have to agree with every idea in them. Their value often lies in the questions they provoke. ![Psychology and personal growth recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/psychology-mens-books.jpg?ssl=1)🔮 ### Modern Man in Search of a Soul C. G. Jung **Best for:** depth psychology, dreams, identity, and meaning. **Why we include it:** This collection introduces some of Jung’s central ideas about psychotherapy, dreams, personality, spirituality, and the psychological challenges of modern life. It is not always light reading, but it offers a deeper view of what it means to become more fully yourself. **Helpful for:** self-exploration, dreams, individuation, life stages, and meaning. For a deeper introduction to Jung’s psychological thinking, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4xhz1m9). ![Psychology and personal growth recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/psychology-mens-books.jpg?ssl=1)🔮 ### Man and His Symbols C. G. Jung and collaborators **Best for:** dreams, symbols, the unconscious, and Jungian psychology. **Why we include it:** Created in part to make Jung’s ideas accessible to a general audience, this book explores how dreams, images, symbols, and myths can reflect psychological material outside ordinary awareness. Its illustrations make abstract ideas easier to approach. **Helpful for:** dream work, symbolism, archetypes, self-understanding, and depth psychology. For a more visual introduction to Jungian ideas, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/3TnhJWS). ![Psychology and personal growth recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/psychology-mens-books.jpg?ssl=1)🔮 ### The Hero with a Thousand Faces Joseph Campbell **Best for:** mythology, transformation, identity, and life transitions. **Why we include it:** Campbell compares myths from different cultures and identifies recurring themes in stories of departure, trial, transformation, and return. The famous hero’s journey can be useful as a metaphor for understanding periods when an old identity no longer fits and something new is trying to emerge. **Helpful for:** identity shifts, life transitions, myth, meaning, and transformation. For Campbell’s classic study of myth and transformation, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4h1woyD). ![Psychology and personal growth recommended reading](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/09/psychology-mens-books.jpg?ssl=1)🔮 ### When Things Fall Apart Pema Chödrön **Best for:** uncertainty, loss, fear, loneliness, and difficult transitions. **Why we include it:** Chödrön approaches difficult experiences from a Buddhist perspective, emphasizing staying present with uncertainty instead of immediately trying to escape or control it. The book is especially useful during periods when there may not be a quick solution to what hurts. **Helpful for:** grief, fear, uncertainty, loneliness, acceptance, and emotional resilience. For a gentler approach to living through uncertainty, [See Amazon for price](https://amzn.to/4xqy2jE). KEEP READING. KEEP GROWING. ## A Book Can Be a Starting Point Good books can challenge assumptions, introduce new ideas, and help put words around experiences that are difficult to explain. Take what is useful, question what is not, and remember that personal growth is rarely about becoming someone entirely different. Often, it is about understanding yourself well enough to make more intentional choices. --- ### [Our Writers](https://guycounseling.com/writing-staff/) **Published:** July 5, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Editor ## John D. Moore, PhD ![Dr. John D. Moore, editor of Guy Counseling](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/john-shirt-tie.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ### Editor and Founder Dr. John D. Moore is the editor and founder of Guy Counseling. His writing focuses on men’s psychology, relationships, mental health, career issues, confidence, and practical self-improvement. A licensed psychotherapist, educator, and author, Moore holds a PhD in psychology and an MBA. His work has appeared in or been cited by publications and media outlets covering psychology, relationships, men’s wellness, and lifestyle topics. Learn more about [Dr. John D. Moore](https://guycounseling.com/meet-dr-john-d-moore/), his [media background](https://guycounseling.com/mens-expert-media-interviews/), or listen to [The Men’s Self Help Podcast](https://guycounseling.com/9hl7). Contributors ## Guy Counseling Contributors ![AJ Sturges](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/aj-pic1.jpg?resize=110%2C110&ssl=1) ### AJ Sturges, PhD Contributor AJ Sturges writes about health, wellness, relationships, psychology, sports, and men’s issues. His background in psychology and athletics informs his practical perspective on motivation, competition, behavior, and personal growth. ![Brendan Wolter, LSW, contributing writer for Guy Counseling](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/cropped-brendan-wolter-.jpg?resize=110%2C110&ssl=1) ### [Brendan Wolter, LSW](https://guycounseling.com/author/brendanwolter/) Contributing Writer Brendan Wolter, LSW, is a men’s counselor who writes about anxiety, emotional overwhelm, confidence, identity, stress, relationships, and practical ways men can better understand what they are feeling and respond with greater clarity. ![Brian Kuntsman](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/cropped-cropped-brian-kuntsman.jpg?resize=110%2C110&ssl=1) ### Brian Kuntsman Contributor Brian Kuntsman is a freelance journalist based in Chicago. His work has focused on current events, men’s health, science, research, fitness, grooming, technology, and medical advancements. ![Niklas Isaac](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/nick-i.jpg?resize=110%2C110&ssl=1) ### Niklas Isaac Contributor Niklas Isaac writes about outdoor skills, survival, nature, and practical men’s lifestyle topics. His work reflects an interest in self-reliance, skill building, and life outside the usual routine. ![Freddy Blackmon](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/freddy-blackmon-.jpg?resize=110%2C110&ssl=1) ### Freddy Blackmon Contributor Freddy Blackmon writes about automotive topics, fitness, technology, health, lifestyle, and men’s interests. His perspective combines curiosity, practical know-how, and a strong interest in how men live, work, and spend their time. ![Rico Woods, Guy Counseling guest contributor](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/rico-woods-author-writer.jpg?resize=110%2C110&ssl=1) ### Rico Woods Guest Contributor Rico Woods is a guest contributor for Guy Counseling who writes about men’s lifestyle, dating, relationships, sexual wellness, and personal growth. His work focuses on practical, adult-oriented guidance for men navigating intimacy, confidence, communication, and real-life relationship questions. ![Jack Hart, Ask Jack editorial advice voice](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/jack-heart-writer-chciago.jpg?resize=120%2C120&ssl=1) Advice Column ## Ask Jack **Ask Jack** (Jack Heart) is Guy Counseling’s advice-style author for reader-inspired questions about dating, relationships, confidence, communication, masculinity, emotional life, and personal growth. Jack is best understood as an editorial advice voice rather than a separate clinical provider or therapist. The column is written in a practical, direct, and supportive style consistent with Guy Counseling’s mission: helping men think clearly, live better, and handle real-life problems without shame or gimmicks. Editorial Note ## Editorial Voices Some Guy Counseling articles appear under recurring editorial voices or column-style bylines. These voices help organize different kinds of content across the site, including lifestyle articles, relationship topics, advice features, and men’s self-improvement pieces. Regardless of byline, editorial direction remains with Guy Counseling. Our goal is to keep articles useful, readable, and aligned with the site’s focus on men’s psychology, relationships, wellness, grooming, lifestyle, and better living. **Reader trust matters.** Editorial voices are used to support tone, organization, and recurring features. Content on Guy Counseling is informational and should not be used as a substitute for professional care, emergency support, or individualized advice. ## Contact, Corrections, and Editorial Questions For editorial questions, corrections, media inquiries, or general comments about Guy Counseling, please use the contact page or reach out by email when appropriate. You can also learn more about the site by visiting [About Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/about-guy-counseling/). [Contact Guy Counseling →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/) --- ### [Contact Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Contact Guy Counseling for editorial, media, advertising, and business inquiries](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/news.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) # Contact Guy Counseling Thank you for visiting Guy Counseling. Guy Counseling is a national men’s wellness and lifestyle website covering psychology, relationships, grooming, self-improvement, mental health, and better living. Please use the contact form below for general messages, advertising inquiries, media requests, Ask Jack submissions, business partnerships, affiliate opportunities, and editorial questions. **Please note:** This form is not intended for counseling requests, therapy appointments, emergencies, or crisis support. Guy Counseling does not provide emergency services through this website. ## Send Us a Message Please select the reason for your message so it can be routed appropriately. Because of the volume of messages received, Guy Counseling may not be able to respond to every submission. ## Advertising For advertising, sponsorship, or brand-collaboration inquiries, select **Advertising Inquiry** on the form above. You can also review the [Advertise With Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/advertise-guy-counseling/) page for additional information. Guy Counseling is selective about advertising partners. The website is best suited for brands connected to men’s wellness, grooming, psychology, relationships, books, fitness, lifestyle, and self-improvement. ## Media and Interview Requests For press, media, interview, or expert-source requests, select **Media or Interview Request** on the form. Please include your name, publication or organization, topic, deadline, and preferred method of response. **The Men’s Self-Help Podcast is primarily a solo-host program and generally does not accept unsolicited guest pitches.** ## Ask Jack Readers may submit questions for possible consideration in the Guy Counseling **Ask Jack** feature. Select **Ask Jack Submission** on the form and provide your question. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity, grammar, and privacy. Submission does not guarantee publication or a personal response. Please do not include names or details that could identify another person. ## Business Partnerships and Affiliate Opportunities For business partnerships, affiliate programs, licensing opportunities, or other commercial proposals, select **Business Partnership or Affiliate Inquiry** on the form. Please include the name of your company or organization, its website, and a concise description of the proposed arrangement. Unsolicited link-building requests, paid guest-post pitches, and requests to insert promotional links into existing articles are generally not accepted. ## Editorial Questions For questions about an article, author, factual correction, image, quotation, or other editorial matter, select **Editorial Question** on the form. Please include the title or URL of the article whenever possible. News tips related to men’s wellness, psychology, relationships, mental health, grooming, fitness, and better living may also be submitted as an editorial question or general message. ## Mailing Address Guy Counseling 3712 N. Broadway Suite 131 Chicago, Illinois 60613 ## Writing Staff To learn more about the people connected to Guy Counseling, visit the [Writing Staff](https://guycounseling.com/writing-staff/) page. ## About Guy Counseling To learn more about the website, its mission, and background, visit the [About Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/about-guy-counseling/) page. ## Newsletter You can subscribe to the Guy Counseling newsletter by visiting the [newsletter signup page](https://forms.aweber.com/form/44/1292170844.htm). ## Social Media Follow Guy Counseling on [X/Twitter](https://twitter.com/guycounseling), [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/guycounseling/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/guycounseling1), and [Pinterest](https://www.pinterest.com/guycounselingblog/). ## Website Policies Review the Guy Counseling [Comment Policy](https://guycounseling.com/comment-policy/) and [Privacy Policy](https://guycounseling.com/privacy-policy/) for more information about website participation and how information is handled. **Contact form preferred:** To reduce spam and protect privacy, Guy Counseling uses a contact form and message-routing system instead of publishing personal email addresses on the website. ![Guy Counseling logo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/GUY-COUNSELING-LOGO.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1) --- ### [About Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/about-guy-counseling/) **Published:** July 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Guy Counseling Spotlight Skuy ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/GC-spotlight-sky.jpg?resize=1168%2C410&ssl=1) ## Guidance for the Road Ahead Psychology, relationships, emotional wellness, and practical guidance for men who want to better understand themselves and live with greater purpose. **Guy Counseling is a national men’s psychology, relationships, mental wellness, and self-improvement publication.** We help men make sense of the questions, pressures, relationships, and turning points that shape everyday life. Our articles explore how men think, feel, connect, grow, and make decisions. Topics range from anxiety, confidence, identity, and emotional health to dating, intimacy, sleep, fitness, grooming, and personal development. The goal is not to tell men who they should be. It is to provide thoughtful information, psychological insight, and practical guidance that can help them make wiser choices for themselves. **Our Mission** ## Helping Men Live with Greater Insight Wisdom is rarely handed to us fully formed. It develops through experience, reflection, honest conversation, and the willingness to look at life from another perspective. > **Our mission is to help men become wiser, healthier, and more self-aware through trusted psychological insight and practical guidance.** That mission is reflected in the Guy Counseling motto: **Become a wiser man.** **What We Cover** ## Real Questions. Useful Perspective. Guy Counseling covers the parts of life men do not always have an easy place to discuss openly. ### 🧠 [Psychology and Mental Wellness](https://guycounseling.com/category/health/) Anxiety, stress, confidence, emotional health, identity, grief, resilience, sleep, and the psychology behind everyday behavior. ### 🤝 [Relationships and Intimacy](https://guycounseling.com/category/relationshops/) Dating, communication, commitment, breakups, friendship, sexuality, family relationships, and the patterns that bring people together or push them apart. ### 🧭 [Confidence and Personal Growth](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-blog/) Self-respect, habits, motivation, purpose, career pressure, emotional intelligence, and the work of becoming more grounded in who you are. ### 🌿 [Health, Fitness and Self-Care](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-blog/) Fitness, grooming, style, sleep, stress management, and wellness topics connected to confidence, self-care, and a healthier life. **Why “Counseling”?** ## Counsel Is More Than Therapy The word *counseling* is often associated with psychotherapy. Guy Counseling uses the word in its broader and older sense as well: thoughtful guidance, education, perspective, and wise counsel. Sometimes people need professional mental health care. At other times, they need reliable information, a different point of view, or language for something they have been experiencing but have not known how to name. Guy Counseling exists to offer that kind of guidance in a voice that is intelligent, approachable, honest, and grounded in real life. **Our Editorial Principles** ## What Readers Can Expect ### Psychology at the Center We use established psychological ideas and credible research when they help readers better understand a subject. ### Useful Over Sensational We may cover difficult, personal, or provocative subjects, but the purpose should always be to inform rather than exploit. ### Clear, Human Language Readers should not need a psychology degree to understand an article. We avoid unnecessary jargon and clinical posturing. ### Respect for the Reader Men are not stereotypes. Our editorial approach recognizes different backgrounds, identities, relationships, life stages, and experiences. ### Practical Takeaways Good information should help readers think, decide, communicate, or act with greater clarity. ### Honesty About Limits Educational articles cannot diagnose a condition or replace individual medical, psychological, or professional advice. **Why Readers Trust Guy Counseling** ## Built Around Guidance, Not Hype ### Evidence-Informed Research and recognized psychological principles are incorporated when relevant to the topic. ### Editorially Focused Articles are selected because they serve readers, not because they promote a counseling practice or a personality. ### Grounded in Real Life We address the questions men actually ask, including subjects that may be uncomfortable, complicated, or rarely discussed openly. ### Independent in Voice Guy Counseling maintains a distinct editorial perspective centered on thoughtful guidance, reader usefulness, and respect. **The Founder** ## Founded by Dr. John D. Moore Guy Counseling was founded by Dr. John D. Moore, a licensed mental health professional, educator, and longtime writer on men’s psychology, relationships, and wellness. He began writing online about men’s issues in 2005 and later hosted *The Men’s Self-Help Podcast*, which explored psychology, confidence, relationships, emotional health, and personal growth. Guy Counseling has since evolved into a broader editorial publication featuring multiple subjects, perspectives, and contributors while remaining grounded in its original purpose: helping men better understand themselves and live more meaningful lives. **A Note to Readers** ## There Is Always More to Understand Every man carries questions that are not always easy to ask. Some involve relationships, confidence, anxiety, identity, grief, health, or the uncertainty of what comes next. Others begin with the quiet sense that life could be lived with more clarity, purpose, or self-respect. If something you read here helps you understand yourself more clearly, make a wiser choice, or begin an honest conversation, then Guy Counseling has fulfilled its purpose. **Become a wiser man.** --- ### [Sports Psychology Counseling for Athletes in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/sports-psychology-chicago/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Sports psychology counseling for athletes in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/guy-athlete.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) # Sports Psychology Counseling for Athletes in Chicago Are you an athlete in Chicago looking for support with confidence, focus, performance anxiety, or mental preparation? Do you want to strengthen the mental side of your game while also taking better care of your emotional health? If so, sports psychology counseling may be helpful. At Guy Counseling, I work with athletes and active adults who want practical tools for managing stress, sharpening focus, building confidence, and preparing mentally for competition, training, or performance goals. **Sports performance is not just physical.** Confidence, focus, emotional regulation, preparation, and recovery all play a role in how you train, compete, and respond under pressure. ## Request an Appointment If you are an athlete, performer, competitor, or active adult looking for help with confidence, focus, performance anxiety, or competition stress, you are welcome to reach out. Guy Counseling offers sports psychology counseling and athletic performance support in Chicago, with in-person and secure video options available when appropriate. [Request Appointment](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) I am a licensed mental health counselor and board-certified hypnotherapist. In addition to counseling and coaching work, I have taught college-level courses connected to sports, health sciences, strength training, exercise physiology, and sports psychology. You can learn more about my background by visiting my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## Sports, Psychology and Peak Performance When you watch successful athletes, it can seem like confidence comes naturally to them. They look focused, steady, and ready for the moment. But for many athletes, that confidence is not accidental. It is built over time through practice, mental discipline, emotional regulation, and learning how to respond to mistakes without falling apart internally. Athletes often seek counseling or coaching support for concerns such as: - Performance anxiety before games, meets, matches, or competitions. - Loss of confidence after a mistake, injury, slump, or setback. - Negative self-talk during training or competition. - Difficulty staying focused under pressure. - Stress connected to competition, school, work, family, or relationships. - Problems balancing athletic goals with everyday life. - Fear of failure or fear of letting others down. - Body image concerns, motivation issues, or burnout. Sports counseling is not about pretending pressure does not exist. It is about helping you respond to pressure in a more focused, grounded, and effective way. ![Athletic counseling for confidence and mental performance](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/bodybuilding-gum.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What Is Sports Counseling? Sports counseling, sometimes called sports psychology counseling or athletic counseling, focuses on the mental and emotional factors that influence athletic performance and well-being. The goal is to help athletes develop skills that support confidence, focus, resilience, motivation, stress management, and emotional balance. This work can include cognitive tools, mindfulness-based strategies, visualization, goal setting, self-talk work, and relaxation training. Sports counseling may be useful for athletes involved in: - Baseball - Football - Hockey - Basketball - Bodybuilding - Golf - Running - Swimming - Rowing - Skiing - Strength training - Recreational and competitive fitness **Practical point:** You do not need to be a professional athlete to benefit from sports psychology counseling. Many clients are students, recreational athletes, gym-focused adults, performers, competitors, and high-achieving people who want to improve the mental side of performance. ## 1. Positive Expectation and Self-Image Your expectations matter. If you consistently expect yourself to fail, choke, freeze, or underperform, those thoughts can affect your motivation, focus, and body response. In counseling, we may work on identifying negative self-talk, self-defeating beliefs, and old mental scripts that interfere with performance. This can include tools from [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), cognitive behavioral therapy, and mindfulness-based approaches. The goal is not fake positivity. The goal is to develop a more realistic, focused, and useful mental approach before, during, and after performance. ![Mind body connection for sports psychology counseling in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/bridge-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 2. Strengthening the Mind-Body Connection Athletes know the body matters. But the mind and body are not separate systems. Stress, anxiety, focus, breathing, muscle tension, and emotional state can all influence performance. Sports counseling may include practical tools to help you become more aware of your body’s signals and respond in healthier ways. This can include breathing strategies, grounding tools, mindfulness skills, and self-regulation techniques. Depending on your needs, we may also discuss related services such as [sports hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/sports-hypnosis-chicago/) for focus and confidence or [biofeedback](https://guycounseling.com/biofeedback-chicago/) for learning emotional self-regulation skills. **The goal is self-regulation.** When you can recognize what is happening in your mind and body, you have more options for how to respond under pressure. ![Sports counseling for focus visualization and confidence](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/attractive-black-man.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## 3. Visualization and Mental Rehearsal Visualization is one of the most common mental skills used in athletic performance work. The basic idea is to mentally rehearse a movement, routine, event, or response before you perform it physically. For example, you might visualize a strong lift, a steady golf swing, a confident free throw, a clean start, a focused race, or a calm response after a mistake. Visualization works best when it is specific, realistic, and connected to action. It is not magic. It is mental practice designed to help you prepare your attention, emotions, and body for performance. In our work together, visualization may be combined with breathing, cognitive tools, mindfulness, and goal setting. ## Performance Anxiety and Competition Stress Many athletes struggle with performance anxiety. This may show up as racing thoughts, tight muscles, stomach issues, irritability, avoidance, sleep problems, or fear of making mistakes. Some athletes perform well in practice but struggle during competition. Others do fine until the stakes feel high. Some athletes lose confidence after injury, criticism, poor performance, or a difficult season. Sports counseling can help you better understand what happens under pressure and develop tools for responding differently. ## Mindfulness for Athletic Performance Mindfulness can help athletes stay connected to the present moment instead of getting pulled into old mistakes, future worries, or harsh self-criticism. In sports, this can mean learning how to reset after an error, return attention to the next play, manage pre-game anxiety, or notice physical tension before it takes over. Mindfulness is not about becoming passive or detached. For athletes, it is often about becoming more aware, more focused, and more intentional. ![Athletic counseling for competition stress and mental toughness](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/football.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Can Sports Counseling Help You? There are no guarantees in sports counseling, coaching, or therapy. But many athletes find that working on the mental side of performance helps them feel more confident, prepared, and emotionally steady. You may benefit from sports counseling if you want help with: - Building confidence after setbacks. - Reducing negative self-talk. - Improving focus before or during competition. - Managing performance anxiety. - Creating pre-performance routines. - Working through fear of failure. - Strengthening motivation and discipline. - Balancing athletics with relationships, school, work, or life stress. ## In-Person and Secure Video Sessions Guy Counseling offers sports psychology counseling and athletic counseling services in Chicago. Depending on your situation and scheduling needs, sessions may be available in person or by secure video. Many athletes have busy schedules, so we can discuss what format may work best when you reach out. ## Request Sports Counseling in Chicago If you would like to learn more about sports psychology counseling for athletic performance, confidence, focus, or competition stress, the best next step is to send a confidential note through the contact form. ## Sports Counseling Near Lakeview, Uptown and Wrigleyville Guy Counseling is located on Chicago’s North Side near Irving Park Road and North Pine Grove Avenue, not far from Lake Shore Drive, Wrigley Field, Buena Park, Uptown, Lakeview, and Wrigleyville. The office is also convenient to the Sheridan Red Line stop, nearby CTA bus routes, and North Side neighborhoods including Lincoln Park, North Center, Andersonville, Edgewater, and Ravenswood. **Ready to work on the mental side of performance?** Send a brief note through the [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) and share what kind of athletic or performance concern you are hoping to address. --- ### [Contact Us](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Guy Counseling logo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/guy-counseling-logo.jpg?resize=170%2C170&ssl=1) ## Request Counseling or Coaching Use the form below to request counseling, coaching, hypnosis, or consultation services through Guy Counseling in Chicago. Please share a brief note about what you are looking for and the best way to reach you. Messages are reviewed as soon as possible. Please allow up to 24 hours for a response during normal business periods. **Emergency note:** Guy Counseling does not provide emergency services through this form. If you are experiencing a medical, psychiatric, or safety emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room immediately. If you are in the United States and are in emotional crisis, you can call or text **988** for crisis support. **Privacy reminder:** Please do not include highly sensitive clinical details in your first message. A brief summary is enough to begin the process. ## Office Address ![Guy Counseling Chicago office](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/ocean-circle.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) Guy Counseling and Life Coaching Chicago is located at: **655 W. Irving Park Road #5603** Chicago, Illinois Near Irving Park Road and North Pine Grove Avenue The office is located in Chicago’s Uptown/Buena Park area, near Lakeview, Wrigleyville, and the lakefront. ## Getting Here If you are driving, you can exit at Irving Park Road from Lake Shore Drive. Free street parking may be available nearby. Paid parking may also be available in the building. The office is also close to Chicago public transportation, including the Sheridan Red Line stop and nearby bus routes. ## In-Person and Secure Video Sessions Depending on the service requested and scheduling availability, sessions may be available in person at the Chicago office or by secure video. After you submit the form, your message will be reviewed to determine whether Guy Counseling may be a good fit for your needs. ![Guy Counseling logo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/guy-counseling-logo.jpg?resize=140%2C140&ssl=1) ## Map --- ### [Confusing Love with Obsession by John D. Moore](https://guycounseling.com/confusing-love-with-obsession-by-john-d-moore/) **Published:** November 26, 2015 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** [![Confusing Love with Obsession by John D. Moore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/love-me.jpg?resize=617%2C389&ssl=1)](AMAZON-AFFILIATE-LINK-HERE) # Confusing Love with Obsession by John D. Moore ## When Being in Love Means Being in Control *Confusing Love with Obsession* is a book I wrote about relationships, attachment, emotional dependency, and what can happen when love becomes tangled with control, fear, fantasy, and obsession. When I first wrote the book, I had no idea how strongly the topic would resonate with readers. Over time, I heard from people who recognized themselves in the stories, patterns, and emotional struggles described in its pages. At its core, the book explores what is sometimes called relationship addiction, love addiction, or obsessive love. I wrote it through a lens of compassion because people who struggle with these patterns are not “bad” people. Many are hurting, scared, lonely, or trying to manage emotional pain through attachment to another person. **Important note:** This page is maintained as a legacy author and book resource. Publisher availability may vary, and copies may be limited depending on inventory and third-party booksellers. **Disclosure:** As an Amazon Associate, Guy Counseling may earn from qualifying purchases. This means the site may receive a small commission if you buy through links on this page, at no additional cost to you. ## About the Book *Confusing Love with Obsession* looks at relationships where emotional intensity, fear of abandonment, control, fantasy, jealousy, and dependency begin to replace genuine connection. The book presents real-life relationship patterns through a compassionate and educational lens. Each story is designed to help readers better understand how obsessive attachment can develop, why it can feel so powerful, and what kinds of emotional wounds may sit underneath the behavior. While the book was originally published by Hazelden, availability may change over time. Some readers may still find copies through Amazon, used book sellers, libraries, or other third-party sources. ## The Obsessive Love Wheel One of the concepts I developed for the book is the **Obsessive Love Wheel**. The idea behind the model is simple: obsessive relationship patterns often move in cycles. People may experience a powerful attraction, attach intense meaning to the other person, begin to fantasize or idealize, become increasingly preoccupied, and then feel anxiety, desperation, anger, shame, or fear when the connection feels threatened. The wheel was created as a visual tool to help people recognize patterns that can otherwise feel confusing, overwhelming, or impossible to explain. [![Obsessive Love Wheel from Confusing Love with Obsession](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/obsessive-love-wheel.jpg?resize=427%2C386&ssl=1 "Obsessive Love Wheel in Confusing Love with Obsession")](AMAZON-AFFILIATE-LINK-HERE) **Practical point:** Obsessive love is not the same as deep love. Intensity, preoccupation, jealousy, and control can sometimes feel like passion, but they may also signal fear, insecurity, attachment wounds, or unresolved emotional pain. ## What Does It Mean to Confuse Love with Obsession? Confusing love with obsession often means mistaking emotional intensity for intimacy. A person may believe they are deeply in love when, in reality, they are caught in a cycle of anxiety, fantasy, dependency, control, or fear of abandonment. This can happen in dating relationships, marriages, affairs, breakups, and even relationships that never fully become relationships. Sometimes the obsession is with a real person. Other times, it is with the fantasy of who that person could become. These patterns can be painful because the person struggling may genuinely believe they are acting out of love. But when love becomes controlling, consuming, or self-erasing, something deeper usually needs attention. ## Common Signs of Obsessive Love Patterns Not every intense relationship is unhealthy. But certain patterns may suggest that love and obsession have become tangled together. Some possible signs include: - Losing your sense of self in pursuit of another person. - Believing one person can rescue you from loneliness, pain, or emptiness. - Assigning idealized or magical qualities to someone you barely know. - Feeling consumed by thoughts of a love interest or former partner. - Checking, monitoring, or seeking reassurance in ways that feel compulsive. - Believing that if you love someone enough, you can change them. - Ignoring red flags because the attachment feels too powerful to question. - Jeopardizing friendships, family relationships, work, or personal stability in pursuit of the relationship. - Using sex, affection, withdrawal, jealousy, or guilt as tools of control. - Confusing codependency, emotional dependency, or fear of abandonment with love. These signs do not automatically mean someone has an addiction or disorder. They do suggest that the relationship pattern may deserve honest reflection and, in some cases, professional support. ## Why Obsessive Love Can Feel So Powerful Obsessive love patterns can be difficult to break because they often activate deep emotional needs. The relationship may become a way to manage anxiety, shame, loneliness, grief, rejection, or unresolved wounds from earlier life. For some people, the attachment becomes a source of identity. The other person starts to feel like the answer to everything: happiness, safety, validation, purpose, and self-worth. That is a heavy load for any relationship to carry. Healthy love usually allows both people to remain whole. Obsessive love often narrows a person’s world until the relationship, or the fantasy of the relationship, becomes the center of everything. ## Writing the Book I wrote *Confusing Love with Obsession* during a meaningful period in my life and professional development. The writing process took time, reflection, and support from people who believed the topic mattered. The goal was never to shame people who struggle with obsessive attachment. The goal was to help readers recognize patterns, understand the emotional drivers behind those patterns, and begin thinking about healthier ways to love and connect. Over the years, the book has been used by readers, clinicians, and people in recovery spaces who wanted a clearer way to understand relationship dependency and obsessive attachment. ## Is the Book Still Available? Availability may vary. Because publisher inventory and distribution can change over time, *Confusing Love with Obsession* may not always be available directly from the original publisher. Readers may still be able to locate copies through Amazon, used booksellers, libraries, or other third-party retailers. [Check Availability on Amazon](AMAZON-AFFILIATE-LINK-HERE) ## Related Reading If you are interested in the topic of relationship addiction, obsessive attachment, or codependency, you may also find this related Guy Counseling article helpful: [Relationship Addiction: Signs and Steps Toward Healing](https://guycounseling.com/relationship-addiction-40-signs-steps-to-healing/) You may also want to explore related topics on relationships, attachment, emotional dependency, and self-worth throughout Guy Counseling. ## A Final Thought Love should not require you to abandon yourself. It should not require constant fear, control, monitoring, or emotional self-erasure. If you recognize parts of yourself in this topic, try to approach that awareness with compassion rather than shame. Patterns can be understood. New choices can be made. And healthier relationships are possible. Thanks for stopping by Guy Counseling. --- ### [Comment Policy](https://guycounseling.com/comment-policy/) **Published:** November 26, 2017 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Guy Counseling comment policy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/guy-counseling-facebook-orange.jpg?resize=250%2C250&ssl=1) ## Comment Policy for Guy Counseling  Guy Counseling welcomes thoughtful discussion, respectful feedback, and meaningful conversation. Because this website covers topics related to men’s wellness, relationships, mental health, grooming, fitness, psychology, and better living, we want the comment areas to remain useful, civil, and safe for readers. To help maintain that standard, all comments may be moderated. Submitting a comment does not guarantee that it will be published. **Bottom line:** Comments are welcome when they add to the conversation, stay on topic, and treat other readers with basic respect. ## What We Encourage We encourage comments that are thoughtful, relevant, and written in good faith. You are welcome to share your perspective, ask a general question, disagree respectfully, or add something useful to the topic being discussed. Good comments usually do one or more of the following: - Respond directly to the article or post. - Add a helpful personal perspective without oversharing private details. - Ask a relevant general question. - Offer respectful disagreement with a clear reason. - Contribute information that may help other readers. ## What May Not Be Published Guy Counseling reserves the right to edit, refuse, or remove comments for any reason. Comments are unlikely to be published if they include: - Personal attacks, insults, harassment, or hostile language. - Spam, promotional links, keyword stuffing, or self-promotion. - Threats, hate speech, slurs, or discriminatory remarks. - Graphic sexual content or unnecessarily explicit details. - Medical, legal, financial, or clinical advice presented as fact. - Private information about another person. - Comments that are off-topic or posted only to provoke. - Repeated comments that make the same point over and over. Disagreement is fine. Drive-by insults, trolling, and bad-faith arguments are not. ## Use a Real Name and Email Address When leaving a comment, please use a real name or reasonable first-name identifier. Do not use the name of a business, website, product, or keyword phrase as your display name. You must also provide a valid email address. Your email address will not be published, sold, or used to spam you. It may be used if we need to verify a comment or respond privately when appropriate. ## Privacy Reminder Please be careful about what you share in a public comment. Do not post confidential, identifying, or highly personal details about yourself, a partner, family member, client, patient, coworker, employer, or anyone else. Comments are not a private counseling space. They are public or potentially public website interactions. **Important:** Do not use the comment section to request therapy, crisis help, diagnosis, treatment recommendations, or personal clinical advice. ## No Counseling or Emergency Help Through Comments Guy Counseling does not provide counseling, psychotherapy, coaching, crisis support, diagnosis, or treatment through website comments. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, feel at risk of harming yourself or someone else, or need immediate support, contact emergency services in your area or go to the nearest emergency room. If you are in the United States, you can call or text **988** for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. ## Links and Promotional Comments Comments that appear to be posted primarily for backlinks, advertising, affiliate promotion, reputation management, or traffic generation may be deleted. This includes comments with unrelated links, keyword-heavy names, copied text, or generic praise that appears automated. Relevant links may be allowed at our discretion, but only when they genuinely add value to the discussion. ## Final Moderation Decision Guy Counseling is a privately owned website. We reserve the right to decide what appears in the comment section. We may edit, approve, reject, or remove comments at our discretion and are not obligated to explain moderation decisions. By submitting a comment, you agree to follow this comment policy. Thanks for helping keep Guy Counseling a respectful and useful place for readers. --- ### [Case Consultation for Therapists Working With Men](https://guycounseling.com/therapist-consultation-mens-issues/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## ![mountain climber case consultation for men ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/mountail-climber.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Men’s Case Consultation for Other Therapists Are you a therapist, counselor, social worker, psychologist, coach, or helping professional who works with male clients? Do you sometimes find yourself feeling stuck, confused, frustrated, or unsure how to approach issues related to masculinity, emotional expression, anger, shame, relationships, sexuality, avoidance, or identity? If so, professional case consultation may be helpful. Working with men can be deeply rewarding, but it can also bring clinical challenges that are easy to underestimate. Many male clients arrive in therapy with a lifetime of conditioning around toughness, independence, emotional control, competition, sexual performance, achievement, family responsibility, and the pressure to “handle it” without help. For some men, therapy may be the first place where they are invited to talk honestly about fear, sadness, grief, insecurity, rejection, intimacy, or shame. For others, the work begins with anger, shutdown, sarcasm, intellectualization, avoidance, or a strong need to stay in control. **Consultation can help you think more clearly about the work.** The goal is not to stereotype men or reduce male clients to a set of traits. The goal is to understand the patterns, pressures, defenses, and relational dynamics that often show up when men enter therapy. At Guy Counseling, I offer professional consultation for clinicians who want practical, grounded support around working with men and men’s issues. Consultation may be useful when you are looking for a second set of eyes, a conceptual framework, or a more male-informed way to understand what is happening in the room. ## Why Therapists Seek Consultation Around Men’s Issues Many therapists receive strong graduate training in diagnosis, ethics, assessment, treatment planning, and clinical theory. But relatively few training programs spend extensive time on the lived experience of men, male socialization, masculine identity, male shame, or the ways men often communicate distress indirectly. That does not mean therapists are unprepared. It simply means there are moments when consultation can strengthen the work. You may be seeking consultation because a male client is not responding to your usual approach. Maybe he shuts down when feelings come up. Maybe he turns everything into a joke. Maybe he becomes angry when vulnerability appears. Maybe he intellectualizes the work so much that sessions become interesting but not emotionally useful. Or perhaps the issue is more specific. You may be working with a man who is struggling with infidelity, compulsive sexual behavior, emotional avoidance, pornography use, anger, career collapse, relationship ambivalence, fatherhood stress, grief, loneliness, midlife identity, shame, or a pattern of distancing from people who care about him. Consultation gives you a place to step back, organize your thinking, and consider new ways of approaching the clinical material. ## Common Consultation Topics Consultation may focus on a wide range of topics related to men’s mental health, relationships, identity, and behavior. Common areas include: - Helping male clients access and name emotions without feeling exposed or shamed. - Understanding anger as a possible protective emotion. - Working with avoidance, shutdown, defensiveness, or emotional distancing. - Exploring shame around sexuality, performance, body image, achievement, or masculinity. - Responding to male clients who intellectualize, minimize, joke, or “logic” their way around pain. - Supporting men who struggle with intimacy, vulnerability, and communication. - Understanding relationship patterns involving pursuit, withdrawal, resentment, affairs, or detachment. - Working with grief, loss, trauma, and depression in men who do not present as overtly sad. - Helping men talk about loneliness, friendship, purpose, fatherhood, and aging. - Managing therapist reactions when a client’s behavior, language, or values feel difficult to sit with. - Thinking through transference and countertransference in work with male clients. - Developing a more male-affirming approach without excusing harmful behavior. **Important distinction:** Male-affirming therapy does not mean giving men a pass. It means understanding the emotional, cultural, relational, and developmental context of male clients so that accountability, insight, and change become more possible. ## Men Often Communicate Distress Differently One of the most common consultation themes involves how men communicate distress. Some male clients will clearly say, “I feel sad,” “I feel scared,” or “I feel ashamed.” Many will not. Instead, distress may show up as irritability, overworking, withdrawal, numbing, sexual acting out, substance use, compulsive exercise, risk-taking, emotional flatness, conflict avoidance, or a vague sense that life feels empty even though things look fine from the outside. Some men enter therapy because a partner asked them to come. Others arrive after a breakup, divorce, job loss, health scare, panic attack, affair, or personal crisis. Some are high-functioning professionals who can manage complex responsibilities but struggle to identify what they feel or need. When therapists miss these signals, the work can become frustrating. The client may seem resistant, disengaged, guarded, arrogant, detached, or unwilling. Sometimes that is part of the picture. But often, there is more going on underneath. Consultation can help you consider what the client may be protecting, what he may not have language for, and how to engage him without chasing, shaming, lecturing, or over-functioning. ## Consultation for Countertransference and Therapist Reactions Working with men can stir up strong therapist reactions. A client may remind you of a parent, partner, former partner, authority figure, bully, dismissive boss, or someone from your personal history. A client’s anger, sexuality, entitlement, detachment, avoidance, or defensiveness may activate something in you. This does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It means you are human and paying attention. Consultation can provide a private professional space to think through your reactions with care. The goal is not to criticize you as a therapist. The goal is to understand what is happening clinically so that your responses remain intentional and useful. Some consultation questions may include: - Why do I feel unusually frustrated with this client? - Am I avoiding a topic because it feels uncomfortable? - Is this client using charm, humor, anger, or intellectualization to manage shame? - How do I stay empathic without colluding with harmful behavior? - How do I challenge him without triggering more defensiveness? - What is the difference between accountability and shame in this case? ## Relationship, Sexuality and Intimacy Issues Many therapists seek consultation when working with men around relationships, intimacy, infidelity, sexual concerns, or emotionally charged relational patterns. These cases can become complicated quickly. A male client may be trying to repair a relationship after betrayal. He may be ambivalent about commitment. He may feel intense shame around sexual behavior. He may be disconnected from his partner but unable to explain why. He may want closeness but experience vulnerability as threatening. Consultation can help you explore the clinical meaning of the behavior without reducing the client to the behavior. In many cases, the work involves helping the client develop emotional language, tolerate discomfort, understand relational impact, and make choices that align with his stated values. This may also involve helping therapists think through how to discuss sex, pornography, affairs, attraction, fantasy, shame, orientation, performance anxiety, and intimacy in ways that are direct, respectful, clinically useful, and non-shaming. ## Consultation for Therapists Working With Gay, Bisexual and Straight Men Men are not a monolith. A male client’s experience may be shaped by sexual orientation, race, culture, religion, family background, age, relationship structure, disability, military experience, work culture, trauma history, and many other factors. Consultation may include discussion of gay, bisexual, and straight male clients when clinically relevant. This can include questions around shame, identity development, masculinity, sexual behavior, relationship expectations, family systems, internalized stigma, or cultural pressure. The focus is not to turn this page into a general LGBTQ therapy service page. The focus is professional consultation for therapists who want to think more clearly and respectfully about the men they serve. ## How Consultation Works Consultation is collaborative and practical. You bring the clinical question, case theme, treatment concern, or professional challenge. Together, we look at what may be happening and identify possible ways forward. A consultation session may include discussion of: - Case conceptualization. - Male socialization and masculine identity themes. - Emotional avoidance and defensive patterns. - Treatment planning and therapeutic stance. - Language that may help a male client stay engaged. - Therapist countertransference and clinical reactions. - Relationship and intimacy dynamics. - Shame, anger, grief, and vulnerability. - Ethical questions that may require additional consultation or legal guidance. - Referral considerations when a case is outside your scope. Some therapists schedule a single consultation for a specific case question. Others consult periodically when working with men is a major part of their caseload. There is no required long-term commitment. **Consultation is not about telling you how to practice.** It is about helping you think more clearly, consider blind spots, expand your options, and strengthen your clinical confidence when working with men. ## Consultation Is Not Clinical Supervision It is important to be clear about the limits of consultation. Professional consultation is educational and advisory in nature. It does not replace clinical supervision, legal advice, ethical consultation, risk management guidance, or your own responsibility for client care. You remain the treating professional and are responsible for your clinical decisions, documentation, mandated reporting obligations, and scope of practice. If your situation involves active risk, legal concerns, licensing board questions, mandated reporting, custody issues, malpractice concerns, or urgent ethical decision-making, you should consult the appropriate supervisor, attorney, ethics board, risk management resource, licensing authority, or emergency service as needed. **Professional boundary:** Case consultation can support your thinking, but it does not transfer clinical responsibility. Consultation is not a substitute for formal supervision, legal advice, or emergency consultation. ## Who This Service Is For This consultation service may be appropriate for: - Licensed therapists who work with male clients. - Pre-licensed clinicians who already have formal supervision and want additional perspective. - Social workers, counselors, psychologists, and marriage and family therapists. - Group practice clinicians who want a male-focused consultation resource. - Therapists who want to build more confidence working with men’s issues. - Helping professionals who want to better understand male emotional and relational patterns. This service is not designed for clients seeking therapy. If you are an individual looking for counseling, please visit the main [Chicago counseling services](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) page. ## My Background I am Dr. John D. Moore, a licensed clinical professional counselor, educator, writer, and consultant with a long-standing focus on men’s issues, male psychology, relationships, anxiety, stress, career identity, and emotional wellness. My background includes clinical work with men, teaching at the college and graduate level, writing extensively on men’s mental health and relationships, and consulting with professionals around behavioral health and organizational concerns. I also bring experience from business, management, leadership, and higher education, which can be helpful when consulting on cases involving male clients who are executives, professionals, students, entrepreneurs, first responders, healthcare workers, or men struggling with work identity and performance pressure. You can learn more about my professional background by visiting my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## Chicago, Illinois and Secure Video Consultation Consultation may be available to therapists in Chicago and Illinois, with secure video or phone consultation options when appropriate. Because this is professional consultation rather than psychotherapy, some consultation work may be possible outside the immediate Chicago area, depending on the nature of the request and relevant professional boundaries. If you are located in Illinois, Chicago, or the broader Midwest and want consultation around men’s issues, you are welcome to reach out. If your question involves jurisdiction-specific clinical, legal, ethical, or licensing issues, you should also consult the appropriate authority in your state or professional discipline. ## Frequently Asked Questions ### Do you provide supervision? Consultation is not the same as clinical supervision. Unless a formal supervision arrangement has been specifically established in writing, this service should be understood as professional case consultation only. ### Can I consult with you about one case? Yes. Some therapists schedule a one-time consultation around a specific case question. Others consult periodically when they want ongoing professional support around men’s issues. ### Can we discuss a client without using identifying information? Yes. Consultation should protect client confidentiality. In most cases, it is best to discuss clinical themes without using personally identifying information unless there is a specific, appropriate reason and proper authorization. ### Do you consult on ethical or legal issues? I can help you think through clinical and professional considerations, but consultation is not legal advice or formal ethics consultation. For legal, licensing, malpractice, or board-related questions, consult the appropriate professional resource. ### Do you only consult with therapists in Chicago? No. While Guy Counseling is based in Chicago, consultation may be available by secure video or phone depending on the nature of the request. Therapists outside Chicago are welcome to inquire. ## Request a Consultation If you are a therapist or helping professional seeking consultation around men’s issues, the best next step is to send a private note through the contact form. Please include a brief description of what you are hoping to consult about, your professional role, and whether you are seeking a one-time consultation or possible ongoing consultation. **Ready to consult?** Send a confidential note through the contact form and share a little about the clinical or professional issue you would like to discuss. [Contact Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) You can also learn more about fees by visiting the [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). --- ### [Career Coaching in Chicago for Men and Professionals](https://guycounseling.com/career-coach-counseling-chicago/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![life coach chicago lakeview for career and college](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blue-shirt-career-coach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) If you’re searching for a **career coach in Chicago**, you’re probably looking for someone with real insight into the specific crossroads you’re facing — a job search after college, a shift into a new industry, a promotion that isn’t coming, or a career that no longer fits who you’ve become. You wouldn’t be alone. Thousands of people turn to a career coach each year for help navigating one of the most consequential parts of adult life — the work that fills most of our waking hours and shapes so much of our identity along the way. ## Ready to Get Started? To explore how Chicago career coaching might help you, fill out the contact form below. I’m happy to talk through your situation and see if we’re a good fit. [Request Appointment](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Here’s an overview of the career coaching services I offer, how the process works, and my background. ## A Familiar Starting Point A client I’ll call Ryan came to me a few years into a career that looked good on paper. Solid title, decent pay, a resume that read like a success story. But he described feeling like a passenger in his own career — showing up, performing, and going home without any real sense of direction or forward motion. He wasn’t in crisis. He was just stuck, and tired of being stuck. That’s a more common starting point than most people expect. Career coaching isn’t only for people between jobs or fresh out of school — a lot of it is for people who are technically doing fine and still know something needs to change. ## Chicago Career Coaching The career coaching I offer is designed to motivate and support you toward real, sustained change. Acting as a bridge between where you are and what’s possible, I bring guidance, honest feedback, and the kind of accountability that keeps momentum from stalling out. Together, we work on: - Career direction and forward momentum - Identifying the roles, careers, or industries that actually fit your personality and strengths - Honest conversation about what’s been holding you back - Working through the mental roadblocks that keep sabotaging your next step - An accountability partner for concrete goals — resume, cover letter, and interview prep included - Feedback on your progress that’s honest but built to keep you moving, not discourage you - Gently naming the cycles of learned helplessness that quietly stall careers - Support settling into your choices and quieting the self-doubt that chips away at confidence ![career coach for men chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/types-of-leadership-man-in-shirt-tie.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Results-Oriented Career Coaching When you work with me, I want to understand what actually makes you tick — your interests, your values, the parts of your work that energize you and the parts that quietly drain you. That’s not a formality. It’s the foundation everything else gets built on. I care about this work. I’ll be direct: I often get more invested in a client’s career growth than some clients expect me to be. That’s intentional. I don’t disengage from a goal just because progress gets slow — but the pace of the work still depends on you. This is a partnership, and I’ll match the effort you’re willing to put in. With Ryan, that meant weeks of unpacking what “success” had actually meant to him versus what he’d inherited from other people’s expectations. Once that became clear, the practical steps — networking differently, reframing his resume around what he wanted next instead of what he’d already done — started to make sense instead of feeling like more items on a to-do list. ![career coach chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/white-shirt-and-tie.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Career Coaching ## Areas I Can Help With Career coaching covers a lot of ground. Here’s where clients most often see the biggest shifts: **Career transitions.** Whether you’re changing industries entirely, moving from individual contributor to management, or leaving a role that no longer reflects who you are, transitions are where the mental roadblocks tend to show up loudest. We work through both the practical steps and the identity questions that come with real change. **Confidence and professional identity.** A lot of career stagnation isn’t a skills problem — it’s a confidence problem. If you’ve started to doubt your own judgment or feel like an impostor in rooms you’ve earned a place in, that’s core to the work, not separate from it. **Interview skills.** Beyond rehearsing answers, this means learning to tell your own story clearly and confidently — framing your experience in a way that actually lands with the person across the table. **Leadership and executive decision-making.** For clients stepping into management or navigating higher-stakes decisions, we work on the judgment calls, communication style, and presence that leadership actually requires. **Salary negotiation.** Many capable professionals undervalue themselves in these conversations. We prepare for negotiation as its own skill, not something you improvise under pressure. **Work-life balance and boundary setting.** Career growth that costs you everything else isn’t really growth. We work on the boundaries that let you build a career without losing the rest of your life to it. Additional areas of focus - Active listening skills - Personality-to-role fit assessment - Personal boundary setting in high-pressure environments ![career coach chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/career-counseling-chicago.jpg?resize=640%2C359&ssl=1) ## Values-Based Career Coaching Part of how I approach this work might sound a little different from a typical career coach, so let me explain. Over years of doing this work, I’ve come to believe that lasting career satisfaction rarely comes from chasing a title or a salary number alone. It comes from work that actually aligns with what you value — your natural strengths, what genuinely engages you, and the kind of contribution that feels meaningful to you specifically, not to your resume. That’s the core of what I’d call values-based career coaching: helping you get honest about what you actually want your work to reflect, rather than defaulting to what looks impressive from the outside. This isn’t about religion or spirituality — it’s a mind-and-values approach to career decisions, echoing some of the identity work found in the writing of Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist whose work on individuation still shapes how a lot of modern coaching and therapy think about identity and growth. For Ryan, this meant recognizing that a lot of his “stuckness” wasn’t really about his job at all — it was about a values mismatch he’d never named out loud. Once that became clear, the career decisions that followed got a lot easier to make. ## My Background in Career Coaching & Counseling My background in career coaching draws from both the corporate world and my ongoing work as an educator. If you work with me, you’re drawing on 20+ years of experience across leadership, marketing, sales, and management. I write regularly on career-related topics, both on this site and on national platforms including Psych Central and Psychology Today. A quick rundown of my background: - Multiple positions at small, mid-size, and Fortune 500 companies - Extensive experience coaching, leading, and motivating people across corporate and non-profit settings - Experience bridging cross-organizational team projects - Strong background in change management and continuous process improvement - Teach organizational behavior and psychology at the graduate level - PhD in Psychology and Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling - Master of Business Administration (MBA) - Mental Health Psychotherapist - Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor - Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist - Additional certifications in life coaching and training If we’re a good fit, you’re working with someone who wants to challenge your thinking, not just validate it. You can read more on my [full background page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## Related Coaching Services Career coaching often overlaps with other areas of growth. Depending on what you’re working through, you might also find these useful: - [Executive Coaching](https://guycounseling.com/executive-coach-chicago/) — for leadership-level decision-making and presence - [Getting Unstuck](https://guycounseling.com/getting-unstuck/) — for when you know something needs to change but can’t identify what - [ADHD Coaching for Adults](https://guycounseling.com/add-adhd-coach-for-adults-chicago/) — for career and focus challenges connected to ADHD ## How Sessions Work Career coaching sessions are available in person or through SimplePractice, a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform. Many clients choose virtual sessions simply because it’s more convenient and avoids the friction of commuting during a busy workweek. Sessions can be scheduled during the day or evening, depending on both of our availability. If I’m not able to take you on due to scheduling, I’m glad to refer you to another qualified professional. For details on rates, visit the [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/) — pricing is straightforward with no surprises. ![Guy Counseling logo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/guy-counseling-logo.jpg?ssl=1) ## Ready to Talk About Your Career? To explore how Chicago career coaching might help you, fill out the contact form below. I’m happy to talk through your situation and see if we’re a good fit. Have general questions first? Visit the [coaching FAQ page](https://guycounseling.com/life-coach-faqs/). [Request Appointment](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Career Coaching FAQ What’s the difference between career coaching and therapy? Career coaching is forward-focused and goal-driven — it centers on decisions, direction, and action rather than clinical treatment. While I’m also a licensed mental health professional, coaching sessions are structured around your career goals, not diagnosis or treatment of a condition. How long does career coaching typically take? It depends entirely on your goals. Some clients come in for focused, short-term work around a specific transition or negotiation; others work with me over several months while navigating a bigger shift. We’ll define what progress looks like early on. Do you offer virtual career coaching sessions? Yes. Sessions are available in person in Chicago or virtually through SimplePractice, a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform. Is career coaching covered by insurance? Career coaching is typically self-pay, since it’s not a clinical service billed through insurance. Visit the fees page for current rates. I’m not sure if I need career coaching or executive coaching. How do I know which is right for me? Career coaching tends to focus on direction, transition, and identity — figuring out what’s next and why. Executive coaching leans more into leadership performance for people already in management or senior roles. Many clients find their needs overlap, and we can figure out the right focus together. What if I don’t know what career I even want? That’s one of the most common starting points for coaching, not a barrier to it. A lot of the early work is simply getting clear on what actually matters to you, which usually makes the “what career” question much easier to answer. --- ### [Biofeedback Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/biofeedback-chicago/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![biofeedback chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/biofeedback-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Looking for biofeedback in Chicago to help manage stress, anxiety, or the way your body responds under pressure? You’re not alone — biofeedback is one of the more practical, skill-based tools available for learning to regulate your own nervous system. ## What Is Biofeedback? Biofeedback is an evidence-based approach that helps you learn to self-regulate physiological responses like heart rate and skin temperature. Working with a trained professional and a monitoring device, you learn to notice what’s happening in your body in real time — and, over time, how to influence it. ## Who Biofeedback Helps People turn to biofeedback for a lot of different reasons, but a few patterns come up often. This work tends to be a good fit if you: - Notice your body reacting to stress before your mind catches up — racing heart, tight chest, shallow breathing - Work in a high-pressure field, whether that’s [competitive athletics](https://guycounseling.com/sports-athletic-counseling-for-peak-performance-chicago/), business, or healthcare - Deal with chronic stress that shows up physically — headaches, sleep disruption, GI issues, or irritability - Want a concrete, learnable skill for managing anxiety rather than just talking through it - Are curious about a structured, measurable way to understand your own stress response ![biofeedback chicago stress anxiety](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/heart-biofeedback.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Biofeedback — Heart Rate Variability ## How HRV Biofeedback Works The type of biofeedback I offer is called Heart Rate Variability, or HRV. Using a small monitor attached to your finger or earlobe, you can see how your body reacts to specific emotional states as they happen. The other half of the work is learning to influence that reaction — primarily through paced breathing techniques and focused attention. With practice, many people find this translates into a steadier baseline: fewer stress spikes, and a greater sense of control when things get intense. Biofeedback works best when the techniques are practiced outside of sessions, not just during them. That repetition is what turns a technique into an actual skill. The technology I use is the emWave Pro and emWave2, developed by the HeartMath Institute. The HeartMath approach has been [studied in peer-reviewed research](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14330237.2020.1712797). Biofeedback is skill-based, not a quick fix. This isn’t a passive treatment — it’s a set of self-regulation skills you build through practice, similar in spirit to [hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-in-chicago-for-stress-and-anxiety/) or [mindfulness training](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) in that respect. Progress depends on your engagement with the process, not just the sessions themselves. ## The Science Behind HRV Heart rate variability refers to the small, natural fluctuations in time between each heartbeat. It sounds technical, but it’s really a window into your autonomic nervous system — the part of your body that runs the fight-or-flight response and the rest-and-recover response without you having to think about it. When your sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) is dominant, your heart rate tends to be more rigid and less variable. When your parasympathetic system (rest-and-recover) has more influence, that variability tends to increase — a pattern associated with resilience and a body better able to shift out of a stress response on its own. HRV training uses this feedback loop directly. By watching your own HRV pattern shift in real time as you change your breathing or your mental state, you get immediate, tangible information about what’s actually calming your body down — not just what you’ve been told should work. Over repeated sessions, many people get better at recognizing and triggering that shift on their own, without needing the monitor at all. ## What Happens During a Session A lot of people aren’t sure what to expect walking into a first biofeedback session, so here’s a straightforward walkthrough. **Getting connected.** We start by attaching a small sensor to your finger or earlobe, connected to the emWave monitor. It’s painless and non-invasive — no needles, no wires beyond the sensor itself. **Establishing your baseline.** Before doing anything else, we take a few minutes to see what your HRV pattern looks like in a resting state. This gives us a starting point to work from and helps you see, often for the first time, what your body’s stress response actually looks like on a screen. **Learning the technique.** From there, I’ll walk you through paced breathing and focused attention techniques designed to shift your nervous system toward a calmer state. You’ll watch your HRV pattern respond in real time as you practice — which is often the point where the training starts to click. **Building the skill.** Later sessions build on this foundation, refining your technique and working on applying it to the specific situations where you need it most — before a big presentation, in the middle of a stressful shift, or when anxiety starts to spike. Most people find the process itself calming, even in the first session — there’s something inherently reassuring about seeing concrete evidence that you can influence your own physiology. ![biofeedback session Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/biofeedback-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Mindfulness and Autogenic Training As part of our work together, I’ll teach you [mindfulness-based techniques](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) from the HeartMath Institute designed to build calmer, steadier states. Where appropriate, we can also incorporate complementary tools like self-hypnosis and [Autogenic Training](https://guycounseling.com/autogenic-training-benefits/) (AT). ## Biofeedback vs. Other Approaches Biofeedback often gets grouped in with therapy, mindfulness, and hypnosis, and while there’s real overlap, each approach works a little differently. **Talk therapy** focuses on understanding and processing the thoughts, patterns, and history behind your stress or anxiety. Biofeedback, by contrast, works more directly on the physical response itself — it’s less about why your body reacts and more about training how it responds. **Mindfulness** shares a lot of common ground with biofeedback, since both rely on breath and attention. The difference is feedback: mindfulness asks you to build awareness internally, while biofeedback gives you an external, measurable signal to work with as you learn. **Hypnosis** also aims at self-regulation, often through relaxation and focused suggestion, but doesn’t involve the same real-time physiological measurement. None of these approaches are mutually exclusive — many clients combine biofeedback with mindfulness training or hypnosis, and some find it useful alongside ongoing talk therapy elsewhere. The right combination depends on what you’re working on and how you learn best. ## My Qualifications I’m a Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and approved instructor through the Transformation Meditation Institute, as well as a Certified Interventions Professional through the HeartMath Institute. You can learn more about my background on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## What This Work Involves The goal is to train you in methods of emotional self-regulation that research shows can offer real mental and physical health benefits — new coping skills and strategies you can carry with you well beyond our sessions. This is in-person work, done at my Chicago office, since it relies on the monitoring equipment and hands-on guidance to teach the techniques properly. A note on scope Biofeedback is not a substitute for medical treatment, and I am not a licensed medical doctor. If you’re managing a diagnosed medical condition, biofeedback can be a helpful complement to your care, but it should be discussed with your physician rather than used in place of medical guidance. ## What to Expect Long-Term Biofeedback skills tend to build gradually. Early sessions are mostly about learning the mechanics — how to read your own HRV pattern and what shifts it in the moment. Over weeks of consistent practice, many people find the technique becomes more automatic, something they can call on without needing to think through each step. The pace varies from person to person, and it depends heavily on how much you practice between sessions. Think of it less like a fixed number of visits and more like building a skill you’ll keep refining — closer to learning an instrument than filling a prescription. ## Biofeedback FAQ How many sessions does it typically take to see results? It varies by person, but many clients start noticing a difference within the first several sessions, especially once they begin practicing the breathing techniques on their own between visits. Building the skill into a lasting habit usually takes ongoing practice over weeks or months. Is biofeedback covered by insurance? Coverage varies by provider and plan. I accept Aetna PPO and Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO — reach out through the contact form and I can help clarify what applies to your situation. Do I need to buy my own equipment? No. Sessions use the emWave Pro and emWave2 monitors in my office. Some clients later choose to purchase a personal device to continue practicing at home, but it’s not required. Is biofeedback the same as neurofeedback? No. Neurofeedback trains brainwave activity using EEG monitoring, while HRV biofeedback focuses on heart rate variability and the autonomic nervous system. Both are self-regulation tools, but they measure and train different systems. Can biofeedback help with performance anxiety or public speaking? Many people use HRV training specifically for this — learning to recognize and calm a spiking stress response before or during a high-pressure moment is one of the more practical applications of this work. What should I expect to feel during my first session? Most people find the first session informative and often surprisingly calming — seeing your own physiological response on a screen for the first time tends to be more curious than uncomfortable. There’s no strain or discomfort involved in the process itself. ## Biofeedback in Chicago — Lakeview My office is located in the Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago, between Buena Park and Uptown, at the corner of Irving Park Road and Pine Grove Avenue — 655 W. Irving Park Road. ## Ready to Learn More? To schedule an appointment or ask questions about biofeedback, fill out the confidential contact form below. If I’m not able to fit you into my schedule, I’m glad to refer you to another qualified professional. [Request Appointment](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Please note: biofeedback is not a substitute for medical treatment. I am not a licensed medical doctor. --- ### [Advertising With Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/advertise-guy-counseling/) **Published:** July 8, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![advertise products for men on guy counseling](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/guy-counseling-5.jpg?resize=560%2C373&ssl=1) Guy Counseling reaches a national audience of men who care about their mental health, relationships, grooming, and personal growth. If your brand speaks to that reader, we’d like to hear from you. ## What Advertising with Guy Counseling Offers - Your message placed in front of readers actively seeking guidance on wellness, relationships, and personal development. - Placements you can update for promotions, seasonal campaigns, or time-sensitive offers. - A place inside a long-running, male-focused editorial community rather than a generic ad network. - Support for an independent publication, in exchange for genuine brand visibility with readers who are looking for exactly what you offer. ## Why Guy Counseling Exists Guy Counseling didn’t start as a marketing project. It grew out of years spent in a therapy office watching men struggle silently with problems they had no real language for — anxiety they’d never name, relationships they didn’t know how to repair, a version of masculinity that left no room to ask for help. Most of what existed online for men at the time was either clinical and cold, or performative and shallow. Neither one actually helped anyone. So the site was built as something in between: real psychology, written by someone who sits with men’s problems for a living, delivered in a voice men would actually read. Over time it grew into one of the more established independent destinations for men navigating mental health, relationships, and self-improvement — not because of aggressive marketing, but because the content held up and readers kept coming back. That history matters for advertisers. A reader who’s been coming to Guy Counseling for years to work through something real is a very different kind of attention than a reader clicking through a listicle. That’s the audience your ad would sit inside. ## About Our Audience Launched in 2015, Guy Counseling has grown into one of the web’s steady destinations for men navigating everything from [personal health and grooming](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-grooming/) to relationships and mental wellness. Our content is substantive rather than quick-hit, and readers tend to spend real time on each page. Our readers tend to be: - Affluent, with many earning above six figures - Well educated, with the majority holding college degrees - Primarily between 25–45 years old - Fathers and partners, with a meaningful share of mothers and partners reading as well ![best mens blogs online](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/male-topics-8.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Guy Counseling — helping men grow, one honest article at a time ## What We Cover Advertisers often want to know exactly what kind of content their ad would appear alongside. Here’s the honest breakdown of what Guy Counseling publishes: **Mental health & therapy —** anxiety, CBT, EMDR, hypnotherapy, and other approaches written to be genuinely useful, not clickbait. **Relationships —** dating, marriage, breakups, and the harder conversations men avoid having. **Grooming & personal care —** practical, no-nonsense guidance on looking and feeling put together. **Fitness & physical wellness —** how physical health intersects with mental health, not just workout routines. **Fatherhood —** the emotional and practical realities of raising kids as a man. **Life & executive coaching —** career transitions, confidence, public speaking, and getting unstuck. If your product or service naturally fits into a reader’s life alongside one of these topics, there’s a good chance it belongs on this page. ## Who We Partner With Guy Counseling is selective about advertisers. We only run ads that fit naturally alongside content about men’s wellness, mental health, and self-improvement — nothing that undermines the trust our readers have in the site. Good fits - Men’s wellness and grooming - Fitness brands and products - Mental health–adjacent services - Books and publishers - Coaching and professional development - Lifestyle products for men - Apps and tools that help men live better Not a fit - Spammy or fringe offers - Adult content - Gambling-heavy products - Miracle-cure or medically questionable claims - Anything that could erode reader trust ## Why Editorial Placement Works Differently Programmatic ad networks put your product in front of anyone, anywhere, regardless of what they’re actually doing on the page. Most of that traffic scrolls past without registering the ad at all — banner blindness is real, and it’s why so much digital ad spend produces so little. Placement inside trusted, long-form editorial content works differently. A reader who’s on Guy Counseling reading about anxiety, fatherhood, or getting unstuck in life is there with intent — they’re looking for something to help them, and they’re paying attention. When your brand shows up in that context, it isn’t competing with a feed of unrelated noise. It’s sitting next to content the reader already trusts, which extends some of that trust to you. That’s the case for advertising here: not the biggest possible audience, but the right one, reading with focus. ## Advertising Options We offer a range of placements and can build a package around your goals. Most advertisers run for a 30-day period, though shorter arrangements can be worked out. - Direct banner advertising (728×90, 300×250, 468×60, 300×600, 160×600, 125×125) - Sponsored placements within relevant content - Sponsored content, by approval — must align with our editorial standards - Newsletter and social visibility, where available - Custom campaigns built around your specific goals — inquire for details If you’d like us to design the creative to your specifications, we can handle that as well. ## How a Partnership Comes Together Advertising here isn’t an automated checkout process — every placement gets a human review before it goes live. Here’s what that typically looks like: **1. You reach out.** A short note about your product, audience, and what you’re hoping to accomplish is all we need to get started. **2. We review for fit.** We check that your brand aligns with the categories above and with the trust our readers have in the site. **3. We recommend a placement.** Depending on your goals and budget, we’ll suggest the ad format, page placement, or content approach that makes the most sense. **4. We confirm campaign length and creative.** Most run 30 days; we can adjust for shorter or longer campaigns, and can build the creative for you if needed. **5. Your campaign goes live.** You’ll have a point of contact throughout, not an automated dashboard. ![man reflecting mindful meditation](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man-mindfulness-based-meditation.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ![Guy Counseling logo](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/guy-counseling-logo.jpg?ssl=1) ## Advertiser FAQ How do I get started advertising with Guy Counseling? Reach out through our contact page with a short description of your brand and goals. We’ll follow up with current availability and recommendations. What kinds of businesses do you work with? Brands in men’s wellness, grooming, fitness, mental health–adjacent services, books, coaching, and lifestyle products for men. We pass on anything spammy, adult, gambling-heavy, or medically questionable. Do you offer custom or seasonal campaigns? Yes. If you have a specific launch window, promotion, or seasonal push in mind, let us know and we’ll build a campaign around it. Can you design the ad creative for us? Yes, if you’d like us to build the ad to your specifications, we can take care of that as part of the partnership. How long do most campaigns run? Most run for 30 days, but we can accommodate shorter or longer arrangements depending on your goals. Is sponsored content available, and how is it reviewed? Sponsored content is available by approval. Every piece is reviewed to make sure it fits our editorial standards and reads as genuinely useful to our audience, not as a disguised advertisement. ## Interested in Advertising with Us? To request current availability, audience information, and advertising options, get in touch through our contact page. [Contact Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/contact-us/) Thanks for considering Guy Counseling — we look forward to hearing from you. --- ### [ADD/ADHD Coach Chicago For Adults](https://guycounseling.com/add-adhd-coach-for-adults-chicago/) **Published:** July 7, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Adult ADHD coaching in Chicago for focus, organization and follow-through](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/adult-add-coach-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) # Adult ADHD Coaching in Chicago Looking for an adult ADHD coach in Chicago? Do you struggle with focus, organization, procrastination, follow-through, time management, or staying on top of work and life responsibilities? If so, you are not alone. Many adults live with ADHD symptoms that affect work, school, relationships, finances, routines, and self-confidence. Some were diagnosed years ago. Others have wondered for a long time if ADHD might explain why certain things feel harder than they “should.” At Guy Counseling, I provide practical ADHD coaching and counseling support for adults who want to build better systems, improve follow-through, and feel more in control of daily life. **ADHD is not a character flaw.** It is not laziness, weakness, or a lack of intelligence. For many adults, the real issue is learning how to work with your brain instead of constantly fighting against it. ## Adult ADHD Can Look Different Than Childhood ADHD Many adults assume ADHD is something people grow out of. In reality, ADHD symptoms often change over time. A person may no longer appear outwardly hyperactive but still experience internal restlessness, distractibility, procrastination, disorganization, or difficulty finishing tasks. Adult ADHD may show up as: - Difficulty staying focused at work or school. - Starting projects but not finishing them. - Procrastination, even with important tasks. - Disorganization at home, work, or with paperwork. - Time blindness or frequently running late. - Impulsive decisions or spending. - Feeling mentally scattered or overloaded. - Trouble prioritizing what matters most. - Emotional frustration, irritability, or shame. - Difficulty maintaining routines. - Problems with follow-through in relationships. - Feeling like you are always working harder than other people to stay caught up. For some adults, ADHD also affects confidence. After years of missed deadlines, forgotten tasks, unfinished plans, or being told to “just try harder,” a person can begin to internalize the struggle. ## ADD vs. ADHD You may still hear people use the term ADD. Today, ADHD is the more commonly used clinical term, but many adults still search for ADD coaching because that is the language they grew up with. Whether you call it ADD, ADHD, attention problems, or executive functioning challenges, the core question is the same: how can you build practical tools that help you function better in real life? **Practical point:** Coaching is not about shaming you into being more productive. It is about identifying what is not working, building better systems, and practicing skills that support focus, organization, and follow-through. ## How Adult ADHD Coaching Can Help When adults come to Guy Counseling for ADHD coaching, the work is practical and collaborative. We look at how ADHD symptoms are affecting your actual life, then identify tools and strategies that fit your goals. Depending on your situation, coaching may focus on: - Improving focus and concentration. - Creating better daily and weekly routines. - Reducing procrastination and avoidance. - Breaking large tasks into smaller steps. - Building systems for calendars, reminders, and deadlines. - Improving time management and planning. - Managing work, school, or business responsibilities. - Reducing stress related to disorganization. - Developing accountability around important goals. - Improving self-confidence and reducing shame. - Learning how to recover when you get off track. I may also draw from [Cognitive Behavioral Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/), [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), and [mindfulness-based skills](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) when these tools fit your needs. ## ADHD, Men and Self-Confidence Many men with ADHD have spent years trying to power through symptoms quietly. They may look successful from the outside but privately feel disorganized, overwhelmed, or frustrated by patterns that keep repeating. Some men describe feeling like they are always one step behind. Others are high achievers who can perform well under pressure but struggle with routine tasks, paperwork, scheduling, or long-term consistency. In coaching, we can work on the practical side of ADHD while also addressing the emotional side: frustration, embarrassment, self-criticism, and the feeling that you should have figured this out by now. **You do not need to “fix” your entire life at once.** ADHD coaching works best when we identify the areas causing the most stress and build from there, one workable system at a time. ## Common ADHD Coaching Goals Every person is different, but common goals for adult ADHD coaching include: - Getting more organized at work. - Finishing projects instead of only starting them. - Improving productivity without burning out. - Managing email, paperwork, and administrative tasks. - Preparing for exams, school, or professional responsibilities. - Creating a realistic plan for household tasks. - Reducing last-minute panic. - Improving communication and follow-through in relationships. - Learning how to use strengths instead of only focusing on deficits. ## What If I Have Never Been Diagnosed? If you think you may have ADHD but have never been diagnosed, I can help you think through next steps. A formal ADHD diagnosis usually involves an evaluation with a qualified medical or mental health professional. I do not prescribe medication. I am not a physician. If medication questions come up, I can encourage coordination with your doctor, psychiatrist, or another appropriate medical provider. If you already have a diagnosis, we can focus on the practical work of building skills and systems. With your written permission, I can also coordinate care with other providers when appropriate. ## Do You Work With Children or Teens? No. My ADHD coaching and counseling work is focused on adults. If you are looking for help for a child or teenager, I can suggest that you seek out a provider who specializes in working with younger clients. ## In-Person ADHD Coaching in Chicago and Secure Video Sessions Guy Counseling offers adult ADHD coaching and counseling services in Chicago. Secure video sessions may also be available when appropriate, which can be helpful for adults with busy schedules, work demands, or commuting challenges. The Chicago office is located in Lakeview near Irving Park Road and Pine Grove Avenue. Many clients come from Lakeview, Uptown, Lincoln Park, Edgewater, Andersonville, North Center, Wrigleyville, and other parts of Chicago. ## How Long Does ADHD Coaching Take? That depends on your goals, symptoms, and current situation. Some people want short-term help with a specific problem, such as time management or work organization. Others benefit from ongoing support as they build new habits and apply skills across different areas of life. In the beginning, we will identify what you want to work on and create a practical focus for our sessions. ## Adult ADHD Coaching at Guy Counseling My style is practical, direct, supportive, and collaborative. I am interested in helping you understand what is getting in the way and what tools may help you move forward. This work is not about blaming you for ADHD symptoms. It is about helping you create structure, reduce stress, and build more confidence in your ability to manage your life. **Interested in adult ADHD coaching?** The best next step is to send a private note through the contact form and share a little about what you are hoping to work on. You can learn more about fees by visiting the [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). [Contact Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) If you prefer, you may also call **773.704.5300**. --- ### [Therapist for Actors, Artists and Creative Types](https://guycounseling.com/therapist-artists-actors-chicago/) **Published:** July 7, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![Counseling for actors, artists, vocalists, and creative professionals in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/therapist-chicago-actors-vocalists-artists-creative-types.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Therapy for Actors and Artists in Chicago Are you an actor, artist, vocalist, writer, filmmaker, performer, or creative professional in Chicago? Do you ever feel stuck between your talent, your ambition, and the emotional pressure that comes with putting your work in front of other people? If so, you are not alone. Creative work can be deeply meaningful, but it can also be demanding in ways that people outside the field do not always understand. Auditions, callbacks, reviews, public feedback, unstable income, competitive environments, and long stretches of uncertainty can wear on a person. Over time, even talented and highly motivated people can start questioning themselves. **Creative people often carry two pressures at once:** the pressure to make good work and the pressure to keep believing in themselves when the work is judged, rejected, delayed, misunderstood, or ignored. At Guy Counseling, I work with creative adults, including men in performance, writing, media, visual arts, music, film, and other creative fields, who want practical support for the emotional side of their work and lives. This is not about trying to make you less creative. It is about helping you stay grounded, focused, and emotionally steady while you keep building a life that fits who you are. ## Why Creative Work Can Be So Stressful Creative work often requires a high tolerance for uncertainty. You may put serious time, energy, and emotion into something without knowing how it will be received. For actors and performers, the audition process can feel especially personal, even when the rejection is not actually about your worth. For writers, artists, musicians, designers, and filmmakers, the challenge may come from a different direction: motivation, perfectionism, comparison, isolation, self-doubt, or the pressure to turn something deeply personal into something professional. Common concerns may include: - Feeling discouraged after rejection, criticism, or silence. - Struggling with confidence, self-esteem, or impostor feelings. - Getting stuck in comparison with other creative people. - Feeling anxious before auditions, performances, meetings, or presentations. - Having trouble separating your identity from your work. - Dealing with perfectionism, procrastination, or avoidance. - Feeling burned out from always needing to produce, perform, or promote yourself. - Trying to balance creative ambition with relationships, finances, and everyday life. - Questioning whether to keep going, change direction, or redefine success. ## How Counseling Can Help Creative Types Counseling can give you a private, steady place to sort through the pressures that come with creative life. The goal is not to judge your dream or talk you out of your path. The goal is to help you think clearly, cope more effectively, and build emotional tools that support your work instead of sabotage it. Depending on your needs, our work may focus on: - Building stronger [self-esteem and confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/). - Learning healthier ways to deal with rejection and criticism. - Reducing anxiety connected to auditions, performance, or public visibility. - Identifying thinking patterns that fuel self-doubt or avoidance. - Using [Cognitive Behavioral Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) tools to challenge unhelpful thoughts. - Developing practical coping skills for stress, mood, and motivation. - Exploring identity questions that may come up around success, failure, and purpose. - Creating healthier boundaries around work, relationships, and creative output. - Getting unstuck from patterns that keep repeating in your career or personal life. **Practical point:** You do not have to be in crisis to benefit from counseling. Many creative professionals seek therapy because they are functioning, working, producing, and still aware that something inside needs attention. ## Performance Anxiety, Rejection and Self-Doubt If you have ever auditioned, pitched, submitted work, performed live, posted something publicly, or waited for someone else to decide if you are “right” for an opportunity, you already know how vulnerable creative work can feel. Rejection is part of the process, but that does not mean it is easy. After enough disappointments, a person can begin to internalize the experience. Thoughts may show up like: - “Maybe I am not good enough.” - “Everyone else is moving ahead except me.” - “I should be further along by now.” - “If this does not work out, who am I?” - “I cannot relax because I always need to be improving.” In counseling, we can work with these thoughts directly. Sometimes that means using CBT tools. Sometimes it means exploring deeper questions around identity, validation, family expectations, masculinity, shame, or the pressure to always appear confident. For many men in creative fields, this can be especially important. You may have been taught to push through, stay tough, and not talk about disappointment. But unprocessed rejection and self-doubt have a way of showing up anyway, often through anxiety, irritability, avoidance, burnout, or relationship stress. ## A Counseling Style That Fits Creative People My approach is practical, collaborative, and grounded. I often draw from cognitive behavioral therapy, solution-focused counseling, mindfulness-based tools, and insight-oriented work when it fits the situation. That means we may look at your thoughts, habits, emotional patterns, relationships, and goals. We may also talk about your creative life in a direct way: what you want, what keeps getting in the way, and what kind of support would actually help. I am also a writer, so I understand at least part of what it means to make something and put it into the world. Creative work can be energizing, but it can also leave you exposed. Having a space where you do not need to perform can be a relief. **The goal is not to analyze the creativity out of you.** The goal is to help you become more grounded, resilient, and clear so your creative life has more room to breathe. ## Common Reasons Creative Adults Reach Out People contact Guy Counseling for this kind of work for many reasons. Some are trying to manage anxiety before auditions or performances. Others feel stuck in a career transition. Some are successful on the outside but privately exhausted, lonely, or unsure what comes next. You may benefit from counseling if you are dealing with: - Audition anxiety or performance pressure. - Creative blocks or procrastination. - Fear of failure or fear of success. - Low self-confidence after repeated rejection. - Burnout from always having to create or be “on.” - Relationship stress connected to career demands. - Difficulty validating yourself outside of your work. - Major life or career decisions. - A desire to better understand yourself and your patterns. ## In-Person Counseling in Chicago and Secure Video Sessions Guy Counseling offers counseling services in Chicago, with secure video sessions available when appropriate. For creative professionals with irregular schedules, video counseling can sometimes make it easier to stay consistent, especially during busy rehearsal, production, travel, or work periods. You can learn more about my broader counseling work by visiting the [Chicago counseling services](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) page. ## A Note About Fit I keep a smaller counseling caseload because I also teach and write professionally. When I do take on new clients, I try to make sure the fit is right and that the work has a clear focus. The people I work with are often high-functioning, thoughtful, and motivated. They may not look like they are struggling from the outside, but privately they know something needs attention. Therapy works best when it is collaborative. That means we talk openly, identify goals, and work between sessions when helpful. Change usually does not happen overnight, but with steady effort, it can happen. **Interested in counseling for creative professionals?** The best next step is to send a private note through the contact form and share a little about what you are hoping to work on. [Contact Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) If you prefer, you may also call **773.704.5300**. Thanks for stopping by. --- ### [ACT Therapist Chicago - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/act-therapy-men-chicago/) **Published:** July 7, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![act therapsit chicago men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/moutnain-water.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, often called ACT, is a practical counseling approach that helps men stop fighting every uncomfortable thought and start moving toward what matters. At Guy Counseling in Chicago, ACT may be used with men dealing with stress, anxiety, overthinking, avoidance, relationship strain, perfectionism, life transitions, and feeling stuck. The goal is not to erase every difficult feeling. The goal is to build a more flexible way of responding to life. Sessions are available in person at the Chicago office and by secure video when appropriate. **ACT in plain English:** You learn how to stop wrestling with every thought, make room for uncomfortable feelings, and take action based on your values instead of your fear. ## What Is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a mindfulness-based form of cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps people notice difficult thoughts and feelings without automatically obeying them, avoiding them, or trying to control them. ACT is not about pretending things are fine. It is about learning how to live with more psychological flexibility. That means you can experience stress, fear, sadness, or self-doubt without letting those experiences run the entire show. For many men, this approach is useful because it is direct, practical, and action-oriented. ACT asks an important question: **What kind of man do you want to be, even when life is uncomfortable?** ## How ACT Is Different From Traditional CBT [Cognitive behavioral therapy](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/), or CBT, often focuses on identifying and challenging unhelpful thoughts. ACT takes a slightly different path. Instead of arguing with every thought, ACT helps you change your relationship with your thoughts. For example, instead of spending all your energy proving that a thought is wrong, ACT may help you notice: “I am having the thought that I am going to fail.” That small shift can create space between you and the thought. That space matters. It gives you room to choose your next move. **ACT is not passive acceptance.** It does not mean giving up, tolerating bad situations, or pretending pain does not matter. It means accepting what is outside your control while taking action where you still have choice. ## ACT Therapy Can Help Men With ACT can be useful for men who feel trapped in mental loops, emotional avoidance, or patterns that no longer work. It may help with: - Stress and anxiety - Overthinking and rumination - Avoidance and procrastination - Perfectionism and fear of failure - Relationship stress - Work pressure and burnout - Low confidence and self-doubt - Grief, loss, and major life transitions - Feeling stuck or disconnected from purpose ACT is not a magic fix, and it does not remove every difficult emotion. Instead, it helps you build skills for responding to discomfort with more clarity, steadiness, and direction. ## The Core Parts of ACT ACT is often described through several core processes. In everyday language, these include: ### Acceptance Acceptance means making room for thoughts and feelings you may not like, without spending your entire life trying to fight them off. This does not mean you approve of everything that happens. It means you stop using all your energy to control what cannot be fully controlled. ### Cognitive Defusion Defusion means learning to step back from your thoughts. A thought can be loud, painful, or convincing without being a command. ACT helps you notice thoughts as mental events rather than absolute truths. ### Mindfulness Mindfulness helps you come back to the present moment instead of getting pulled into the past or future. This can include breathing, grounding, body awareness, and practical attention skills. You can learn more through this [mindfulness body scan resource](https://guycounseling.com/body-scan-meditation/). ### Values Values are the deeper directions that help guide your life. They are different from goals. A goal can be completed. A value is something you keep living. Examples might include being honest, dependable, courageous, loving, disciplined, creative, or present. ### Committed Action Committed action means taking steps that line up with your values, even when anxiety, doubt, or discomfort shows up. This is where ACT becomes practical. It is not just insight. It is movement. **The ACT question:** If fear, stress, or self-doubt did not get to make the final decision, what would you choose to do next? ## Why ACT Can Work Well for Men Many men are taught to push through, stay busy, or keep uncomfortable feelings private. Sometimes that works for a while. But over time, emotional avoidance can create problems in relationships, work, health, and self-respect. ACT gives men a practical way to work with discomfort instead of being controlled by it. You do not have to become endlessly analytical. You do not have to talk yourself into fake positivity. You learn how to notice what is happening internally and choose a response that fits the kind of life you want to build. ## How I Use ACT in Counseling In counseling, I may use ACT to help you identify the patterns that keep you stuck. These patterns often include avoidance, overthinking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional shutdown, or waiting until you feel “ready” before taking action. The work is collaborative and practical. We may look at what your mind is telling you, what you have been avoiding, what matters most, and what small actions would move you in a healthier direction. ACT can also be integrated with [men’s counseling](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/), CBT, stress management, and other practical therapy tools depending on your goals. ## ACT and Anxiety, Stress, and Overthinking ACT can be especially useful when anxiety and stress keep pulling you into the same loop. The loop may look like worry, checking, reassurance seeking, avoidance, procrastination, or trying to mentally solve things that cannot be solved perfectly. Instead of asking, “How do I make this feeling disappear?” ACT asks, “Can I make room for this feeling and still do what matters?” That shift can be powerful for men who are tired of letting anxiety make their decisions. If stress and anxiety are major concerns, you may also want to review this page on [anxiety therapy for men in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/). ## In-Person and Video ACT Therapy Guy Counseling offers counseling for men in Chicago, with sessions available in person at the Lakeview office and by secure video when appropriate. ACT can be used in either format because much of the work involves conversation, mindfulness skills, values clarification, and practical action steps between sessions. ## Is ACT Therapy Right for You? ACT may be a good fit if you are tired of arguing with your own mind and want a more practical way to move forward. It may be especially useful if you: - Overthink decisions - Avoid hard conversations - Feel controlled by anxiety or self-doubt - Want to live with more purpose and direction - Struggle with perfectionism or fear of failure - Feel stuck even though you know what you “should” do - Want therapy that is practical, reflective, and action-oriented ACT is not about becoming fearless. It is about becoming less controlled by fear. ## My Background I am a licensed psychotherapist in Illinois with a PhD in Psychology. My work with men often includes anxiety, stress, relationships, confidence, life transitions, and practical coping skills. You can learn more on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## Start ACT Therapy in Chicago If anxiety, stress, avoidance, or overthinking have been keeping you stuck, ACT therapy may help you build a more flexible and values-based way forward. Guy Counseling offers [counseling services](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) for men in Chicago, with sessions available in person and by secure video when appropriate. [Start a Conversation](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Frequently Asked Questions What does ACT therapy mean? ACT stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It is a counseling approach that helps people make room for difficult thoughts and feelings while taking action based on their values. Is ACT the same as CBT? ACT is related to CBT, but it works differently. CBT often focuses on challenging thoughts. ACT focuses more on changing your relationship with thoughts and taking values-based action. Can ACT help with anxiety? ACT may help some people respond differently to anxiety, worry, avoidance, and overthinking. It does not promise to eliminate anxiety, but it can help reduce how much anxiety controls your choices. Is ACT therapy only for men? No. ACT can be used with many people. This page is written for men because Guy Counseling focuses heavily on men’s mental health, stress, relationships, and personal growth. Do you offer ACT therapy in person and online? Yes. Sessions may be available in person at the Chicago office and by secure video when appropriate. *Disclaimer: Counseling is not a substitute for medical care, psychiatric care, or emergency services. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.* --- ### [Hypnotherapy FAQ's](https://guycounseling.com/chicago-hypnotherapy-faq/) **Published:** July 7, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![hypnosis in chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/hypnosis-in-chicago-bridge-to-change.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Hypnosis Explained — FAQs](#Hypnosis_Explained_%E2%80%94_FAQs) - [Hypnosis — What Is It?](#Hypnosis_%E2%80%94_What_Is_It) - [What Can Hypnosis Be Used For?](#What_Can_Hypnosis_Be_Used_For) - [How Does Hypnosis Work?](#How_Does_Hypnosis_Work) - [What Happens in a Hypnotherapy Session With You?](#What_Happens_in_a_Hypnotherapy_Session_With_You) - [What Is the Scope of Your Practice?](#What_Is_the_Scope_of_Your_Practice) - [What Are the Side Effects of Hypnosis?](#What_Are_the_Side_Effects_of_Hypnosis) - [Do You Think I Can Be Hypnotized?](#Do_You_Think_I_Can_Be_Hypnotized) - [Mindful Meditation vs. Hypnosis](#Mindful_Meditation_vs_Hypnosis) - [Will Hypnosis Instantly Help Me Stop Smoking?](#Will_Hypnosis_Instantly_Help_Me_Stop_Smoking) - [What Questions Should I Ask If Seeking Clinical Hypnotherapy?](#What_Questions_Should_I_Ask_If_Seeking_Clinical_Hypnotherapy) - [What About Learning Self-Hypnosis?](#What_About_Learning_Self-Hypnosis) - [What Do You Offer Hypnotherapy For?](#What_Do_You_Offer_Hypnotherapy_For) - [What Are Your Qualifications to Practice Hypnotherapy?](#What_Are_Your_Qualifications_to_Practice_Hypnotherapy) - [How Fast Does Hypnosis Work?](#How_Fast_Does_Hypnosis_Work) - [Do You Give Homework Assignments?](#Do_You_Give_Homework_Assignments) - [What Is Counseling Like With You?](#What_Is_Counseling_Like_With_You) - [Where Are You Located?](#Where_Are_You_Located) - [What Do You Charge?](#What_Do_You_Charge) - [What’s It Like Visiting Your Office?](#Whats_It_Like_Visiting_Your_Office) - [Where Can I Learn More About Hypnosis and Self-Hypnosis?](#Where_Can_I_Learn_More_About_Hypnosis_and_Self-Hypnosis) ## Hypnosis Explained — FAQs One of the biggest questions I get as a counselor is, “What is hypnosis?” This page is a straightforward walkthrough of what hypnosis actually is, how I use it with clients, and what to expect. To keep it real: hypnosis is a natural state of heightened, relaxed awareness — something that happens to all of us on a daily basis. There’s no hocus-pocus involved, and it’s not particularly mystical, even though media portrayals suggest otherwise. You know the trope — a Svengali-type figure who puts someone into a trance and turns them into a zombie. That’s Hollywood fiction, not even close to reality. What follows is a practical Q&A on hypnotherapy, including my own approach to using it as a natural pathway to healing and goal attainment. ## Hypnosis — What Is It? Hypnosis is a heightened state of awareness that happens to all of us, regardless of age, gender, or background — a relaxing, focused state that allows for greater receptivity to suggestion. Think of it like the bridge between waking and sleep: at night, before you fully drift off, there’s a stage where you’re relaxed and calm but still aware of your surroundings — a kind of “in between.” That in-between state is hypnotic in nature. If you’ve ever done yoga, practiced self-affirmations, or simply meditated, you’ve experienced something similar — all of these activities involve entering a hypnotic-like state to some degree. How Should I Think of Hypnosis? I encourage people to think of hypnosis as a natural approach to wellness, often referred to as a complementary alternative medicine (CAM) — in the same category as bright light therapy, yoga, or herbal teas used for calming purposes. Meditation and aromatherapy fall into this category too. Hypnosis works best when combined with other activities that move you toward your goals — not as a stand-alone fix. Is Hypnosis Curative? In and of itself — no. Anybody who tells you otherwise isn’t being straight with you. While some people report dramatic results, it’s not scientifically honest to say hypnosis “cures” anything. What hypnosis can do is create sharper focus around a goal — anxiety reduction, increased confidence, better self-insight — a tool you can call on to live a calmer, more balanced life. ## What Can Hypnosis Be Used For? Hypnosis has a wide range of uses and is well established as a health-promotion approach, based on a growing body of [scientific literature](https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&q=hypnosis+treatment&btnG=&as_sdt=1%2C14&as_sdtp=). Common areas it’s used to help with include: ✦ Weight loss ✦ Smoking cessation ✦ [Panic and fear](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-phobias-anxiety-stress/) ✦ Stress reduction ✦ Changing negative thinking ✦ Confidence building ✦ [Sports and athletic performance](https://guycounseling.com/sports-hypnosis-chicago/) ✦ Test and exam stress reduction ✦ Shifting negative perceptions ✦ Workplace stress reduction ✦ [Flying fears](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-phobias-anxiety-stress/) ✦ [Pain management](https://guycounseling.com/pain-management-in-chicago-with-hypnotherapy/) ✦ Physical and mental relaxation ## How Does Hypnosis Work? Typically, at the start of a session, I’ll help you clear your mind of extraneous material — a kind of mental clearing. Once accomplished, you have a greater ability to concentrate. Now relaxed and highly focused, actionable, goal-focused messages are delivered to your subconscious. A useful analogy: as the sun scatters its rays across the first light of dawn, areas once dark become visible and objects gain clarity. Hypnosis, in the metaphorical sense, works much the same way — suggestive messages are delivered along a highly focused beam of attention, and your goals become clearer along the way. ## What Happens in a Hypnotherapy Session With You? Right off the bat, everything is confidential. You’ll typically complete an intake form covering some background information, which helps me understand your issues and goals. I’ll want to know your history with a given life challenge and how it’s impacted you, and we’ll assess your self-beliefs to see how they may be holding you back. If hypnotherapy is appropriate, we’ll build a plan of action together. During the session itself, you’ll relax in a comfortable chair, wearing headphones that play ambient music while I speak over the calming tones and guide the session. Your only job is to relax, absorb, and enjoy. ## What Is the Scope of Your Practice? To train clients in the methods of self-hypnosis that [research](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2000.10404267) shows can provide mental and physical health benefits. In this way, you’re taught new skills that help you become centered, with a focus on goal attainment. ## What Are the Side Effects of Hypnosis? Most people report the effects as positive — better concentration, more restful sleep, an overall sense of wellness, or feeling more in touch with their emotions. You might feel slightly disoriented right after a session, but it passes quickly. Since the hypnotherapy I offer is focused on goal attainment, [anxiety reduction](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/), and confidence building, most people feel better after a session. Some notice distortions in time — sessions feeling faster or slower than they actually were — or increased imaginal processing. All told, hypnotherapy is a safe, natural way to cope with stress, build focus, and work through fears. ## Do You Think I Can Be Hypnotized? The vast majority of people can be hypnotized. At its core, hypnosis is nothing more than an altered state of consciousness that allows a person to enter a relaxed state — I like to think of it as an older cousin of the more contemporary term “mindfulness.” You’ve probably already experienced something close to it without realizing it: • Daydreaming • Losing yourself in a good book or article • Getting caught up in a movie Hypnosis works much like that — deep, focused, concentrated thought centered on a goal. Some people experience more interference due to stress or anxiety, but most find they’re able to be hypnotized after a bit of practice. One honest caveat: openness to the process matters. Without it, it’s hard for much to happen. Am I Experiencing “Mind Control” During Hypnosis? No. A hypnotist guides you into your own experience of relaxation. You’re awake the entire time, in a highly focused state, and a hypnotist can’t make you do something you don’t want to do — no barking like a dog, no quacking like a duck. That idea comes from fiction, not reality. There’s a real difference between stage hypnosis and clinical hypnotherapy. Stage hypnosis is about the “wow” factor, like a magic show. Clinical hypnotherapy is about creating positive, practical change. ## Mindful Meditation vs. Hypnosis Mindful meditation is a form of mental and physical relaxation. Hypnosis is similar, but not identical — hypnosis is always goal-focused (weight loss, increased confidence, smoking cessation, anxiety reduction, and so on), while meditation is more of a general state of heightened awareness that doesn’t have to be linked to a specific goal. So when you visualize yourself playing a better round of golf, you’re engaging in a form of self-hypnosis. ## Will Hypnosis Instantly Help Me Stop Smoking? For most people, probably not — and anyone who promises an “instant” fix or guaranteed results through hypnosis isn’t being straight with you. Smoking addiction is generally psychological, behavioral, and social in nature, which means a comprehensive approach maximizes your chances of success: • Nicotine replacement (patches, gum), with your physician’s guidance • Behavioral therapy for psychological change, ideally with a licensed mental health professional • Group support for smoking cessation, online or in person • Physical activity and exercise, to manage stress and reduce potential weight gain • Coordination with your doctor or psychotherapist around mood-related changes, like anxiety or depression What hypnosis *can* do is augment these efforts, giving you a more focused, mindful approach and helping you stay connected to your original reasons for quitting. Some [clinical research](http://ntr.oxfordjournals.org/content/10/5/811.short) shows hypnosis combined with other cessation approaches has helped many people — the operative word being **combined**. Hypnosis, on its own, isn’t “therapy” — it’s an adjunct to therapy, and ongoing support from others who’ve quit matters a great deal. ## What Questions Should I Ask If Seeking Clinical Hypnotherapy? • Are they licensed as a mental health therapist or medical doctor (LCPC, LCSW, LCP, LMFT, DO, MD, DDS)? • Do they hold a master’s degree or higher in psychology, social work, counseling, medicine, marriage and family counseling, or a related field? • Are they certified by a national hypnosis certification board or organization? • Do they have advanced training in hypnosis specifically? ## What About Learning Self-Hypnosis? If you want to learn self-hypnosis, look for a trained hypnotist, ideally someone with a master’s degree in psychology or a related health field from an accredited university. Additional credentials help too — certifications in meditation, personal training, or wellness psychology aren’t required, but they’re worth factoring into your search. ## What Do You Offer Hypnotherapy For? The hypnosis services I offer are linked to stress management, anxiety reduction, goal attainment, pain management, and confidence building. I don’t do “age regression” or “memory retrieval” hypnosis. This work is designed to teach you new skills — a form of [relaxation therapy](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1071579/) that includes progressive muscle relaxation, creative visualization, and mindfulness-based meditation. **Do you offer corporate training?** Yes — I’ve given relaxation hypnosis and guided imagery seminars to companies, schools, and non-profits as part of employee wellness initiatives, and consulted with organizations on encouraging workplace mindfulness. Happy to answer questions and dispel a few common myths if your organization is considering it. ## What Are Your Qualifications to Practice Hypnotherapy? ✦ Doctorate in Psychology, Northcentral University ✦ Master’s in Psychology, Northcentral University ✦ Master’s in Wellness Promotion, California College San Diego ✦ MBA in Healthcare Management, Indiana Tech ✦ Board Certified Hypnotherapist, American Board of Hypnotherapy ✦ National Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist ✦ Certified Medical Hypnotherapist ✦ Certified Specialist in Hypnosis for Anxiety and Fears, American Hypnosis Association ✦ Certified Meditation Coach, Meditation Transformation Institute ✦ Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, State of Illinois ✦ Approved Clinical Supervisor, Center for Credentialing and Education ✦ Board Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor I’ve written books and articles on mental and physical health that appear in nationally syndicated magazines and websites, and I regularly consult with other wellness professionals. Outside of my clinical work, I teach health sciences and psychology courses at the graduate and undergraduate level. You can read more on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## How Fast Does Hypnosis Work? Hypnosis has been described as a solution-focused form of coaching — at its core, it increases awareness, which shapes how you think, and that shift can empower positive change. This is a gradual process, not an instant fix, and there are no guarantees, no matter what others might claim about “quick results.” One well-known example: a 1997 study published in *Gut*, the Journal of Gastroenterology, found hypnosis helpful in easing symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). You can find the [research here](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4015203/), and I’ve written more on mindful approaches to IBS on my Psych Central blog. Hypnotherapy for Anxiety, Pain, or a Medical Condition Hypnotherapy is one tool within a comprehensive approach to wellness — it isn’t “therapy” on its own, but a tool of therapy when appropriate. For pain, it may help ease intensity and support you through difficult moments, including pre- or post-surgery anxiety, or chronic health conditions. This falls under the umbrella of [medical hypnosis](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2003.10403546), which is designed to help you **cope** with a health issue — not cure it. When I work with a client around health issues, I always do so with the permission and involvement of their medical doctor. I’m not a physician, and if you’re in pain or dealing with a medical condition, seek treatment from a licensed physician. If you’re experiencing a psychiatric or mental health concern, see a licensed psychotherapist as soon as possible. If you’re in crisis or concerned you may harm yourself or someone else, call 911 immediately or go to your local emergency room. ## Do You Give Homework Assignments? Yes — I believe real change happens outside the office. Assignments can range from journaling about narrative themes to repeating affirmations to reflecting on lessons from our sessions. Because dreams can act as a window into what’s happening beneath the surface, I may also ask you to jot down dream material between sessions — we’ll use it to look for patterns, identify themes, and support the work. ## What Is Counseling Like With You? Warm, intuitive, and conversational. I aim to create an environment that encourages self-insight and learning, typically focused on the here and now, with elements of positive psychology woven in. We may spend time exploring stress triggers or a specific incident — a sports injury, for example — and genuine catharsis is a real part of the process. ## Where Are You Located? My office is at 655 W. Irving Park Rd, at the corner of Irving Park Road and Pine Grove Avenue, very close to Lake Shore Drive. There’s ample free street parking most days, paid parking in the building, and it’s steps away from several CTA bus lines. ## What Do You Charge? $175.00 per one-hour session. My fees stay consistent to keep things simple — you can learn more on my [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). ## What’s It Like Visiting Your Office? A calming, gentle, and private environment. During your first session, you’ll typically complete some paperwork — sometimes I’ll email it ahead of time to save you a few minutes. I’ll want to get to know you as a person, and depending on your situation, hypnotherapy may be part of the plan. Here’s a picture of my office. ![guy counseling therapy coaching office chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/guy-counseling-therapy-office-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Here’s what typically happens over the course of our work together: 1\) A discussion of your background, history, and goals 2\) An exploration of how anxiety has affected you — you may be asked to check in with your doctor to rule out medical causes 3\) An examination of how your beliefs may be helping or hindering your goals, often involving elements of CBT 4\) If appropriate, mindfulness-based approaches offered in the form of hypnotherapy 5\) Skill-based learning techniques designed to help you work through your specific issues ## Where Can I Learn More About Hypnosis and Self-Hypnosis? A great resource to consider picking up is *Self-Hypnosis for Dummies* (see [Amazon](https://amzn.to/4vRJDII) for pricing). What I like about this book is how it does away with the silly stereotypes regarding hypnosis and provides concrete, useable information. Organizations looking for group training on mindfulness-based meditation, including self-hypnosis, are welcome to reach out — group rates may be available. The content on this website is intended for information and education only. Always consult your medical doctor before starting any new health-related activity. This website cannot substitute for professional medical advice. If you are in crisis, or are concerned you might hurt yourself or someone else, call 911 now or go to your local emergency room immediately. --- ### [Health Anxiety Therapy for Men](https://guycounseling.com/health-anxiety-therapist-chicago/) **Published:** July 7, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![health anxiety therapist chicago fear of dying counseling](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/health-anxiety-therapist-chicago-death-fears.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Health anxiety can hit hard, especially when a body sensation feels unfamiliar or a medical article sends your mind racing. For many men, the fear isn’t just “What if I’m sick?” It’s also “What if I die?” or “What if I miss something serious?” At Guy Counseling in Chicago, health anxiety therapy for men focuses on helping you respond to illness fears, body scanning, reassurance seeking, and death anxiety in a more grounded way. Sessions are available in person at the Chicago office and by secure video when appropriate. ## What Is Health Anxiety? Health anxiety involves persistent worry about having or developing a serious illness — and that worry can continue even after a doctor has offered reassurance. Some estimates suggest roughly [12% of the population](https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/always-worried-about-your-health-you-may-be-dealing-with-health-anxiety-disorder) deals with health anxiety in some form. People may scan their body, research symptoms online, seek repeated reassurance, or avoid medical care altogether. The older term “hypochondriasis” is sometimes still used, but it carries stigma — most clinicians today use “health anxiety” or “illness anxiety” instead. Health anxiety is not “being dramatic.” It’s an anxiety loop that can make normal body sensations feel threatening. ## How Health Anxiety Shows Up in Men • Privately Googling symptoms late at night • Checking pulse, skin, breathing, lymph nodes, digestion, or pain • Fearing cancer, heart problems, neurological disease, or sudden death • Feeling embarrassed to talk about the worry out loud • Avoiding doctors out of fear of what they might find • Repeatedly seeking medical reassurance, without it fully sticking • Worrying more after a family member’s illness or death • Misreading panic sensations as medical danger • Using alcohol, work, exercise, or distraction to avoid the fear ## Health Anxiety and Fear of Death Death anxiety, sometimes called thanatophobia, can sit underneath health anxiety. Some men fear not just illness itself, but loss of control, leaving loved ones behind, unfinished business, or uncertainty about what happens after death. Counseling can help you talk about these fears directly — without being dismissed or treated like the worry itself is the problem. ## What Can Trigger Health Anxiety? • A past illness or medical scare • Illness or death of a loved one • Family history of disease • Chronic stress • Panic attacks or intense body sensations • Frequent online symptom searching • Aging and midlife transitions • Unresolved grief • Perfectionism or a strong need for control ## How Counseling Can Help My approach draws on several evidence-based tools, including [CBT](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) strategies for catastrophic thinking, [ACT](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) for tolerating uncertainty and living according to your values, mindfulness and body awareness without slipping into compulsive checking, and practical work on reducing reassurance-seeking loops and building stress regulation skills. Exposure-based techniques may be used when appropriate. Some clients also find guided relaxation or hypnosis-informed techniques helpful for calming the body’s physical anxiety response — these are used as optional supporting tools, not the core of treatment. Some [research](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S000579679800014X) suggests relaxation training combined with CBT can help lessen the impact of health anxiety. With your written permission, I’m glad to coordinate with your physician when that’s helpful. The goal isn’t to ignore real medical concerns — the goal is to help you build healthier ways of responding to fear and uncertainty. The goal is not to stop caring about your health. The goal is to stop letting fear run the entire system. ## Medical Care Still Matters Health anxiety therapy is not a substitute for medical care. New, severe, or concerning symptoms should always be discussed with a physician. Counseling can help with the anxiety cycle that may continue after medical evaluation or reassurance — doctors address the body, therapy helps with the fear cycle. ## In-Person and Video Sessions Guy Counseling offers counseling for men in Chicago, with sessions available in person at the Lakeview office (Park Place Tower, at Irving Park Road and Pine Grove Avenue) and by secure video when appropriate. ## My Background I’m a licensed psychotherapist in Illinois with a PhD in Psychology, board-certified as a clinical hypnotherapist, and experienced in working with anxiety, fear, stress, and [men’s counseling](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/) more broadly. You can read more on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). If health anxiety, illness fears, or worries about death have been taking up too much mental space, counseling may help. Guy Counseling offers [counseling services](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) for men in Chicago, with sessions available in person and by secure video when appropriate. [Start a Conversation →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) My ability to book new clients is limited. If I’m unable to work with you because of scheduling, I’m happy to refer you to a professional experienced with health anxiety and death fear counseling. ## Frequently Asked Questions Is health anxiety the same as hypochondria? Health anxiety is the more current and less stigmatizing term. Older terms like hypochondria or hypochondriasis have been used in the past, but many clinicians now use “health anxiety” or “illness anxiety.” Can therapy help with fear of dying? Therapy may help men talk more directly about death fears, uncertainty, control, grief, and the anxiety patterns that can attach to health concerns. Should I still see a doctor? Yes. Health anxiety therapy is not a substitute for medical care. New, severe, or concerning symptoms should be discussed with a qualified medical professional. Why do I keep Googling symptoms? Symptom searching can temporarily reduce anxiety, but it often strengthens the worry cycle over time. Counseling can help you reduce reassurance-seeking patterns like this one. Do you offer in-person and video sessions? Yes. Sessions may be available in person at the Chicago office and by secure video when appropriate. If you think you are having a medical or psychiatric emergency, call 911 immediately or go to the nearest emergency room. I am not a medical doctor and do not diagnose medical conditions. Health anxiety counseling is not a substitute for medical care — all medical concerns should be reported to your physician. --- ### [Energy Psychology - EFT for Anxiety and Fear](https://guycounseling.com/tapping-therapist-chicago-eft/) **Published:** July 7, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![tapping therapist chicago EFT](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/tapping-emotional-freedom-technique-woods.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) When anxiety hits, it often shows up in the body before it becomes a clear thought. Tight chest. Racing mind. Restless energy. A sense that something is wrong even when you can’t fully explain why. EFT tapping is one tool some men use to slow things down, lower emotional intensity, and reconnect with the present moment. At Guy Counseling in Chicago, EFT tapping may be used as part of counseling for men dealing with anxiety, stress, fear, worry, panic sensations, and emotional overwhelm. Sessions are available in person at the Chicago office and by secure video when appropriate. ## What Is EFT Tapping? EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques. It involves gently tapping on specific points on the body while focusing on a stressful thought, feeling, memory, or body sensation. Some people experience reduced emotional intensity as a result. It’s not magic, and it’s not a cure — it’s a coping technique that may support emotional regulation. EFT was originally influenced by ideas from acupuncture and [energy psychology](https://www.energypsych.org/page/aboutenergypsych), but many people today use it more simply as a structured mind-body coping exercise. At Guy Counseling, I approach tapping in a grounded way: as a structured coping skill that combines focused attention, body awareness, and gentle tapping while noticing emotional intensity. ## What Can EFT Tapping Help With? • Short-term stress • Anxiety and worry • Fear and panic sensations • Emotional overwhelm • Performance pressure and [confidence issues](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) • Sleep-related stress • Body tension connected to stress, or feeling stuck in a strong emotional reaction Some people explore tapping while working through trauma-related stress, but EFT should not be presented as a stand-alone trauma treatment. If trauma symptoms are severe, evidence-based trauma care — such as [EMDR](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapist-chicago-lakeview/) — may be needed. ## Is EFT a Stand-Alone Treatment? No. EFT tapping is best understood as a coping skill or adjunctive tool. It may be used alongside counseling, [CBT](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/), ACT, relaxation training, mindfulness, or EMDR-informed work when clinically appropriate. It is not a substitute for medical care, not a substitute for psychiatric care, and not a replacement for psychotherapy. There are no guarantees. ## How I Use EFT With Clients In counseling, I may teach tapping as a skill for lowering emotional intensity. The goal isn’t to make feelings disappear or force positive thinking — the goal is to help you notice what’s happening in your body, name the emotion, and create enough space to respond more clearly. For some men, tapping is useful because it gives them something concrete to do when anxiety or stress feels too abstract to work with directly. ## EFT, EMDR, and Body-Based Coping Components of tapping or body-based coping may sometimes overlap with skills used around [EMDR](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapist-chicago-lakeview/) preparation or emotional regulation work. This doesn’t mean EFT is the same as EMDR, and it shouldn’t be presented as a replacement for EMDR therapy. ## Will EFT Work for Me? Some people find it helpful. Others don’t connect with it as much. The outcome depends on the person, the issue, the broader treatment plan, and a willingness to practice. It’s one tool, not the whole toolbox. If tapping helps, we use it. If it doesn’t, we don’t force it. Counseling should be practical. If anxiety, stress, fear, or emotional overwhelm have been difficult to manage, EFT tapping may be one coping tool to explore as part of [counseling](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/). Guy Counseling offers [counseling services](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) for men in Chicago, with sessions available in person and by secure video when appropriate. [Start a Conversation →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) My ability to schedule new appointments is very limited. If I’m not able to book with you, I’ll likely refer you to another provider (also trained in EFT) for assistance. ## Frequently Asked Questions Is EFT tapping the same as energy healing? No. EFT is sometimes associated with energy psychology, but at Guy Counseling it’s approached as a grounded coping skill that combines focused attention, body awareness, and tapping. Can EFT tapping help with anxiety? Some people find tapping helpful for lowering emotional intensity related to [anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/), stress, worry, and fear. It should be understood as a complementary tool, not a guaranteed treatment. Is EFT a replacement for therapy? No. EFT is not a replacement for therapy, medical care, or psychiatric care. It may be used as one tool within a broader counseling process. Do you offer EFT tapping in person and online? Yes. Sessions may be available in person at the Chicago office and by secure video when appropriate. Is EFT the same as EMDR? No. EFT and EMDR are different approaches. Some body-based coping skills may overlap in emotional regulation work, but EFT is not a substitute for EMDR therapy. --- ### [Dream Analysis Therapy in Chicago for Men](https://guycounseling.com/dream-analysis-chicago/) **Published:** July 6, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![dream analysis therapist in chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/dream-analysis-therapist-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Many men do not talk much about their dreams. But when the same dream keeps showing up, or a nightmare leaves you unsettled well into the next day, it may be worth paying attention. Dream analysis in counseling is not about fortune telling. It is about exploring the emotional material your mind may be working through while you sleep. At Guy Counseling in Chicago, I work with men who want to better understand recurring dreams, stress dreams, nightmares, and symbolic themes as part of counseling, personal growth, and deeper self-reflection. **Grounded dream work:** Dreams are not magic answers. But they can sometimes point toward stress, grief, conflict, fear, desire, identity questions, or unresolved emotional themes that deserve attention. ## What Is Dream Analysis? Dream analysis is reflective, not predictive. It is not about decoding your future or handing you a fixed answer. Instead, it is a way of exploring what a dream might reveal about emotional themes already present in your waking life. The meaning of a dream is personal, not one-size-fits-all. A dream about being chased may mean something different for the man grieving a parent than it does for the man facing a deadline at work. Dreams can connect to stress, grief, conflict, identity, relationships, anxiety, or fear, but there is no universal dictionary that tells you exactly what applies to you. ## Why Men Seek Dream Analysis Men often become interested in dream work when a dream does not feel random. It may repeat, disturb sleep, bring up an old relationship, or leave behind an emotional charge that is hard to shake. - A recurring dream that keeps showing up - Nightmares that disrupt sleep or linger emotionally - Dreams about an ex, a parent, death, work, sex, conflict, falling, or being chased - Stress dreams connected to career pressure, relationships, or broader [anxiety and stress](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/) - Grief dreams following a loss - Dreams that leave a strong emotional residue - [Feeling stuck](https://guycounseling.com/getting-unstuck-men-chicago/) and wanting another angle into what may be going on **For men who analyze everything:** Dream work is not about overthinking every symbol. It is about slowing down, noticing what stands out, and asking what the dream may connect to in real life. ## A Grounded Approach to Dream Interpretation My approach draws from counseling psychology, cognitive-behavioral concepts, and [Jungian ideas](https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/dream-analysis) when they are useful. I also pay attention to stress and anxiety patterns, grief and attachment themes, relationship dynamics, and the emotional tone of the dream. The goal is not to impose a meaning on the dream. The goal is to explore what the dream may represent for you, in the context of what is actually happening in your life. ## Recurring Dreams and Nightmares Recurring dreams can show up during stress, grief, unresolved conflict, anxiety, trauma recovery, or major life transitions. They are common, and they are not automatically a sign that something is deeply wrong. Still, when a dream keeps returning, it may be worth exploring what emotional pattern it is circling. If nightmares are disrupting your sleep or daily functioning, professional support may help. Some clinicians use image rehearsal therapy, a cognitive-behavioral technique that helps rewrite and rehearse a less distressing dream script, as one possible tool for working with recurring nightmares. ## Dreams, Memory, and EMDR Work Dream material can sometimes come up during [EMDR therapy](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapy-for-men/), especially when a person is working through memories, stress reactions, grief, or emotionally charged life experiences. This does not mean every dream is a trauma memory or that dreams should be treated as literal evidence of the past. Instead, dreams may offer useful material for noticing themes, body sensations, emotional triggers, or beliefs that are already active in the person’s life. When dream material appears in EMDR-related work, it is handled carefully, without forcing meaning or assuming the dream is a recovered memory. **Important:** Dream analysis is not used to prove what happened in the past, recover memories, or diagnose a condition. It is used as a reflective tool within a grounded counseling process. ## Dream Analysis and Hypnosis Some dream work may include guided imagery, relaxation, or [hypnosis-informed reflection](https://guycounseling.com/therapeutic-hypnosis-chicago/) when appropriate. These methods are not used to force a meaning or recover memories. They are used to help you slow down, notice emotional themes, and explore possible connections in a grounded way. ## Is Dream Analysis Right for You? Dream analysis may be worth exploring if you: - Have recurring dreams or nightmares - Wake up with strong emotions from a dream - Are grieving - Feel stuck in a relationship or career pattern - Are dealing with stress, anxiety, or a major life transition - Are curious about symbolic material but want a grounded, clinical approach rather than a guessing game Dream analysis is not a replacement for medical care, psychiatric care, or evidence-based trauma treatment when those are needed. ## What Is Your Background? I received my PhD in Psychology from Northcentral University. I am a licensed psychotherapist in the State of Illinois. EMDR trained and a Board-Certified Hypnotherapist through the National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists. I teach graduate and undergraduate courses in human behavior and psychology, and I have studied and written about dreams and dream symbolism for many years. You can learn more on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## Explore What Your Dreams May Be Telling You If recurring dreams, nightmares, or symbolic themes have been weighing on you, dream analysis may be something to explore as part of broader [counseling for men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/). Guy Counseling offers [counseling services](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) in Chicago and online where appropriate. [Start a Conversation →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Frequently Asked Questions Is dream analysis the same as psychic dream interpretation? No. Dream analysis in counseling is not fortune telling or psychic reading. It is a reflective process that explores the emotions, symbols, memories, and life themes that may be connected to a dream. Can dreams really mean something? Sometimes. Dreams do not always have a single clear meaning, but they may reflect stress, grief, anxiety, desire, conflict, memory, or unresolved emotional material. Do you use a dream dictionary? No. While common symbols can be interesting, dream work is most useful when connected to your own life, emotions, and current circumstances — not a fixed lookup table. Can dreams come up during EMDR therapy? Yes, dream material can sometimes come up during EMDR work, especially when processing stress, grief, memories, or emotionally charged experiences. Dreams are explored carefully and are not treated as literal proof of past events. Can dream analysis help with nightmares? It may help some people better understand recurring nightmares or distressing dream patterns. If nightmares are severe, trauma-related, or disrupting sleep, additional clinical support may be appropriate. Is dream analysis only for men? Guy Counseling works primarily with men, but the concepts of dream exploration can apply broadly. This page is written for men who want a grounded, practical way to explore dream material. --- ### [Privacy Policy](https://guycounseling.com/privacy-policy/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## Privacy Policy Last updated: July 3, 2026 ## 1. Introduction Thank you for visiting Guy Counseling. This Privacy Policy explains how we collect, use, and protect information when you use our website and services (the “Site” or “Service”). By using our Site, you agree to the terms of this Privacy Policy. ## 2. Definitions Throughout this document, we use certain terms with specific meanings: **“Guy Counseling”** refers to this website, our Site, our Service, or a combination of the above, depending on context. **“Service”** refers to the services we provide through our Site, including our blog, articles, and the Site itself. **“Site”** refers to our website, Guy Counseling. **“User”** refers to anyone who accesses our Site or uses our Service. **“You”** refers to you, the person using our Site and governed by this Privacy Policy. ## 3. Information We Collect **Identifying Information.** We collect certain personal information from you when you sign up for our Service, such as your name, email address, mailing address, and other information we deem relevant. We use a third-party payment processor, Stripe, so you are not required to submit credit card details directly to us. Information we collect is disclosed only in accordance with our Terms of Service and this Privacy Policy. **Non-Identifying Information.** Whenever you visit our Site, we may collect non-identifying information such as your IP address, referring URL, browser, operating system, cookie information, and Internet Service Provider. On its own, this information generally cannot be used to identify you. ## 4. Use of Your Information We may use your information to: • Enhance or improve the User experience, our Site, or our Service • Process transactions • Send emails about our Site or respond to inquiries • Send our newsletter and other email updates • Send relevant third-party offers • Perform any other function we believe in good faith is necessary to protect the security or proper functioning of our Site or Service ## 5. Accessing, Editing, and Removing Your Information Users may in some cases review and edit the personal information they’ve provided by logging into their account and editing it directly. Most changes take effect immediately, though information may remain in a browser’s cache. We are not responsible for information stored in your cache or other devices. We may, from time to time, retain residual information in backups and databases. ## 6. Cookies We use cookies to remember your preferences and to support advertising on our Site. It is necessary that cookies be enabled in your browser; by using our Site, you acknowledge and consent to our use of cookies, including third-party cookies. We use third-party advertising on Guy Counseling to help support the Site. Advertisers (such as Google, through its advertising programs) may use technologies like cookies and web beacons, which can collect information including your IP address, ISP, and browser type. This is generally used for geotargeting (for example, showing region-relevant ads) or interest-based targeting (showing ads related to sites you’ve previously visited). **6A: Google Advertising Cookies.** We use Google’s advertising cookies (including remarketing and interest-based advertising features, via Google Ads and related Google Marketing Platform tools) to serve ads relevant to you based on your browsing activity. These cookies do not collect personally identifiable information such as your name, email address, physical address, phone number, or financial account numbers. You can opt out of personalized advertising through Google Ads Settings, or opt out of interest-based ads from participating companies through the Digital Advertising Alliance. You can choose to disable or selectively turn off cookies in your browser settings, or through browser security tools. Doing so may affect how you interact with our Site and other websites, including your ability to log into accounts or forums. Deleting cookies does not permanently opt you out of advertising programs. Unless your browser settings disallow cookies, a new cookie will typically be set the next time you visit a site running these advertisements. ## 7. Third-Party Websites Guy Counseling may post links to third-party websites on the Site. These third-party websites are not screened for privacy or security issues by Guy Counseling, and you release us from any liability for the conduct of these third-party websites. This Privacy Policy does not create rights enforceable by third parties or require disclosure of personal information relating to members of the Service or Site. Guy Counseling bears no responsibility for information collected or used by any advertiser or third-party website. Please review the privacy policy and terms of service for each third-party site you visit. ## 8. Third-Party Access to Your Information We use third-party individuals and organizations to assist us, including contractors, web hosts, and service providers. In the course of providing our Service, we may delegate the collection, access, use, and dissemination of your information to these third parties — for example, our web host stores information you provide to us, and we may hire outside contractors for maintenance or website security. By using our Site, you agree that the same rights you grant to us under this Privacy Policy extend to any third party we engage for the purpose of operating, maintaining, repairing, or improving our website or its underlying systems. You agree not to hold us liable for the actions of these third parties, and that any claims arising from their conduct must be pursued directly against them. We may share information with third-party services we use to operate our Site, including: • bbPress (forum) • Mailchimp (email) • Stripe (payments) • Woobox ## 9. Release of Your Information for Legal Purposes At times it may become necessary, for legal purposes, to release your information in response to a request from a government agency or private litigant. You agree that we may disclose your information where we believe in good faith that it is necessary for a civil action, criminal investigation, or other legal matter. If we receive a subpoena affecting your privacy, we may elect to notify you, or attempt to challenge it ourselves, but are not obligated to do either. We may also proactively release information to third parties where we believe it is prudent for legal reasons, such as a good-faith belief that you have engaged in fraudulent activity. You release us from any damages arising from disclosure made in response to a request from law enforcement or private litigants. ## 10. Advertising and Affiliate Disclosure Guy Counseling uses third-party advertisers in the form of banner ads. Guy Counseling does not accept payment for paid product reviews. Guy Counseling is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to allow sites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon.com. ## 11. Commercial and Non-Commercial Communications By providing contact information to the Site, you agree to receive communications from us related to this Privacy Policy. You may unsubscribe from certain communications at any time by notifying us that you no longer wish to receive solicitations or information, and we will make reasonable efforts to remove you from the relevant list. ## 12. Security Measures We take measures to enhance the security of our Site and Service, including the use of SSL certificates. However, we make no representations as to the absolute security or privacy of your information. We recommend you use antivirus software, firewalls, and other precautions to protect yourself from security threats. ## 13. Your California Privacy Rights Guy Counseling intends to comply with the California Business and Professions Code §§ 22575–22579. If you are a California resident, you may request certain information regarding our disclosure of personal information to third parties for their direct marketing purposes. Various provisions throughout this Privacy Policy address requirements of California privacy law. You may contact us using the contact form on the Guy Counseling website. ## 14. Minors Individuals under 18 years of age are not permitted to use our paid services, and individuals under 13 must not use our Service at all. If you become aware of a User who does not meet the required age for all or part of our Service, please notify us using our online contact form, providing details as to why you believe they are underage, and we will address the issue. Users reported in this manner may be required to provide suitable proof of age to continue using the Site or Service. ## 15. International Transfer Your information may be transferred to and maintained on computers located outside your state, province, country, or other governmental jurisdiction, where privacy laws may differ from those in your jurisdiction. If you are located outside the United States and choose to provide information to us, Guy Counseling transfers and processes that information in the United States. Your consent to this Privacy Policy, followed by your submission of information, represents your agreement to that transfer. ## Related Legal Pages - [Website Terms and Conditions](https://guycounseling.com/website-terms-and-conditions/) - [Disclaimer and Disclosure](https://guycounseling.com/disclaimer-and-disclosure/) --- ### [Disclaimer and Disclosure](https://guycounseling.com/disclaimer-and-disclosure/) **Published:** October 16, 2016 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## Disclaimer and Disclosure Last updated: 7/6/26 ## Informational and Educational Purposes Only The content on Guy Counseling is provided for general informational and educational purposes only. Nothing on this website is intended to be, or should be understood as, a substitute for professional medical, psychological, psychiatric, counseling, coaching, legal, financial, or other professional advice. Articles, blog posts, videos, podcasts, resources, and other materials on this site may discuss mental health, relationships, wellness, self-improvement, grooming, hypnosis, coaching, counseling, and related topics. These materials are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any medical, mental health, or psychological condition. You should always seek the advice of a physician, licensed mental health professional, or other qualified professional with questions about a medical condition, mental health concern, diagnosis, treatment option, or personal situation. Never disregard professional advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read on this website. ## No Professional Relationship Created Reading this website, using site resources, submitting a contact form, leaving a comment, subscribing to email updates, or communicating with Guy Counseling does not create a therapist-client, counselor-client, coach-client, hypnosis-client, consulting, or other professional relationship. Any professional relationship with Dr. John D. Moore or Guy Counseling requires mutual agreement, appropriate intake, informed consent, and any other required service arrangements. ## Counseling, Coaching, and Hypnosis Content Guy Counseling may include information about counseling, psychotherapy, coaching, hypnosis, stress management, anxiety, relationships, personal development, and related services. This information is provided to help readers understand general concepts and available options. It is not a replacement for individualized assessment, diagnosis, treatment, or professional care. Coaching and hypnosis information on this site is educational in nature and should not be interpreted as a promise or guarantee of any specific outcome. Individual results vary and depend on many factors, including personal goals, history, motivation, circumstances, and whether additional professional support is appropriate. If you are currently under the care of a physician, psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, or other healthcare provider, consult with that professional before making changes based on information you read on this site. ## Not for Emergency Use This website, including any contact form, comment feature, email link, or messaging option, is not monitored continuously and should never be used for emergencies. If you believe you may be experiencing a medical emergency, mental health crisis, or are at risk of harming yourself or someone else, call **911** or go to the nearest emergency room immediately. If you are in the United States and need crisis support, you can call or text the **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline** at **988**. You may also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting **HOME to 741741**. ## Adult and Sensitive Topics Because Guy Counseling publishes content about men’s health, relationships, intimacy, sexuality, wellness, psychology, and related topics, some articles may discuss adult or sensitive subject matter in an educational, journalistic, or clinical context. This content is intended for adult readers and may not be appropriate for all audiences. ## Accuracy and Use of Information Guy Counseling makes reasonable efforts to publish information that is accurate, useful, and current. However, information can change over time, and content may not always reflect the most recent research, laws, professional standards, product information, or clinical guidance. Reliance on any information provided by Guy Counseling, Dr. John D. Moore, guest contributors, advertisers, affiliates, or other third parties appearing on this website is solely at your own risk. Guy Counseling does not recommend that you take, stop, or change any medication, treatment, therapy, supplement, diet, exercise plan, or other health-related action based solely on information found on this site. ## Opinions, Contributors, and Third Parties Opinions and statements expressed by authors, guest contributors, interview subjects, commenters, advertisers, affiliates, or other third parties are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Guy Counseling or Dr. John D. Moore. Guy Counseling may review, edit, or remove content at its discretion, but content created by third parties remains the responsibility of those third parties. We do not guarantee the accuracy, completeness, reliability, or usefulness of third-party content, comments, products, services, or websites linked from this site. ## Advertising, Affiliate Links, and Compensation Disclosure Guy Counseling is an independent publisher of information and resources. This website may display advertising, sponsored placements, affiliate links, or product/service mentions. We may receive compensation when readers click certain links, make qualifying purchases, view advertisements, or engage with third-party offers. Guy Counseling participates in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program and may earn a commission from qualifying purchases made through Amazon links on this site. These commissions do not increase the price you pay. Advertising, affiliate relationships, sponsored placements, or compensation arrangements do not necessarily constitute an endorsement of any product, service, company, professional, treatment, test, procedure, or opinion unless clearly stated. You are responsible for evaluating whether any product, service, resource, or third-party website is appropriate for your needs. ## Editorial Independence Guy Counseling maintains editorial independence. Advertisers, affiliates, sponsors, organizations, product manufacturers, and third-party platforms do not control our editorial decisions, article topics, opinions, or publishing direction. Guy Counseling does not accept advertising money from pharmaceutical companies that develop, research, market, or sell psychiatric medications. Dr. John D. Moore has not received research grants, honoraria, consulting fees, teaching fees, payroll compensation, or advisory board compensation from pharmaceutical companies. ## Ad Choices and Interest-Based Advertising This site and third parties that place advertisements on this site may collect or use information about your visits to this and other websites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services that may be of interest to you. For more information about how information is collected and used, please review our Privacy Policy. ## No Warranties All information, content, resources, products, services, and materials on this website are provided on an “as is” and “as available” basis. Guy Counseling makes no warranties, express or implied, regarding the accuracy, completeness, reliability, suitability, availability, or usefulness of any information on the site. ## Limitation of Liability To the fullest extent permitted by law, Guy Counseling, Dr. John D. Moore, contributors, contractors, advertisers, affiliates, and related service providers shall not be liable for any damages or losses arising from your use of this website, reliance on information found on this website, use of third-party links, or interaction with any product, service, advertisement, affiliate link, or resource mentioned on the site. ## Contact If you have questions about this Disclaimer and Disclosure page, please contact Guy Counseling through the contact form available on this website. --- ### [Website Terms and Conditions](https://guycounseling.com/website-terms-and-conditions/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ## Website Terms and Conditions of Use Last updated: 7/6/26 ## 1. Agreement to Terms These Website Terms and Conditions of Use (“Terms”) constitute a legally binding agreement between you and Guy Counseling (“Guy Counseling,” “we,” “us,” or “our”) governing your access to and use of guycounseling.com, including any content, functionality, and services offered on or through the site (collectively, the “Site”). By accessing or using the Site, you accept and agree to be bound by these Terms and our Privacy Policy. If you do not agree with these Terms, you should discontinue use of the Site. ## 2. Changes to These Terms 2.1 We may revise these Terms at any time by updating this page. The “Last updated” date above reflects the most recent revision. 2.2 It is your responsibility to review these Terms periodically. Your continued use of the Site after any changes are posted constitutes acceptance of those changes. ## 3. Description of the Site 3.1 Guy Counseling is a website that publishes general information, articles, resources, and commentary related to men’s psychology, relationships, wellness, self-improvement, grooming, lifestyle, counseling, coaching, hypnosis, and related topics. 3.2 The Site may also provide information about counseling, coaching, and hypnosis services associated with Dr. John D. Moore and Guy Counseling. The Site itself does not deliver clinical treatment, diagnosis, psychotherapy, coaching, hypnosis, or any other professional service. 3.3 No professional relationship, including a therapist-client, counselor-client, coach-client, hypnosis-client, or consulting relationship, is formed simply by browsing this Site, reading content, submitting a contact form, or exchanging preliminary messages. Any professional relationship requires mutual agreement and appropriate intake, consent, or service arrangements. ## 4. Informational and Educational Content 4.1 Content on this Site is provided for general informational and educational purposes only. It should not be considered medical advice, mental health advice, psychological advice, legal advice, financial advice, or a substitute for consultation with a qualified professional. 4.2 Articles and resources may discuss mental health, relationships, personal development, hypnosis, coaching, wellness, grooming, and other topics. These materials are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition. 4.3 You should not disregard, delay, or avoid professional medical, mental health, legal, financial, or other professional advice because of something you read on this Site. ## 5. 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Mature Content Notice Because this Site discusses men’s health, relationships, intimacy, sexuality, wellness, grooming, and related topics, some content may reference adult subject matter in an educational or clinical context. This content is intended for adult readers and is not intended to be graphic or explicit in nature. ## 8. User Submissions and Public Comments 8.1 If the Site permits blog comments, contact submissions, testimonials, questions, or other user-submitted content, you agree not to submit anything unlawful, defamatory, threatening, harassing, obscene, abusive, misleading, or that infringes the rights of any third party. 8.2 Please do not include personal health information, treatment details, financial information, passwords, or other sensitive personal information in public-facing comments or submissions. Public comments are not confidential or secure. 8.3 We reserve the right, but do not assume the obligation, to review, edit, refuse, or remove user-submitted content at our discretion. 8.4 By submitting content to the Site, you grant Guy Counseling a non-exclusive, royalty-free, worldwide license to use, reproduce, display, and distribute that content in connection with operating, promoting, or improving the Site. ## 9. 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We are not responsible for the content, accuracy, availability, policies, privacy practices, or actions of any third-party website or service. 11.2 Guy Counseling may participate in affiliate programs, including the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. This means we may earn a commission on qualifying purchases made through certain links on the Site, at no additional cost to you. 11.3 The Site may display third-party advertising. Advertising, affiliate links, sponsored placements, or product mentions do not necessarily constitute an endorsement by Guy Counseling unless expressly stated. ## 12. Privacy 12.1 Our collection and use of information through the Site is governed by our Privacy Policy. 12.2 Please avoid submitting sensitive personal information through public comments or non-secure communication channels. If you become a client or service recipient, additional privacy, consent, and confidentiality policies may apply separately from these general Website Terms. ## 13. 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Contact Us If you have questions about these Website Terms and Conditions, please contact us through the contact form available on this Site. --- ### [Life Coaching for Men in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) **Published:** July 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago # Life Coaching for Men in Chicago Practical, goal-focused coaching for men who want more confidence, direction, accountability, balance, and traction in work, relationships, leadership, and personal growth. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ✦ Career Direction ✦ Confidence ✦ Work-Life Balance ✦ Personal Growth Goal-Focused Coaching for Men ## A More Direct Path Forward Life coaching is for men who want to make concrete changes and need a structured place to think, plan, and act. Maybe you are successful on paper but feel stuck inside. Maybe you know something needs to change but keep circling the same questions. Maybe you need accountability, clarity, and a practical next step. Coaching can focus on career direction, leadership, motivation, self-confidence, relationship patterns, work-life balance, habits, identity, and the larger question of what you want your life to look like next. My approach is conversational, practical, and solution-focused. We look at what is working, what is not, what keeps getting in the way, and what you can do differently starting now. ### ➡️ Prefer Virtual Sessions? For many men, online counseling can make it easier to get support without adding another commute to the day. Guy Counseling offers secure virtual counseling for clients located in Illinois, along with online coaching options when appropriate. [Learn more about online counseling and coaching for men](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/). [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Who This Helps ## Life Coaching May Be Useful If You Are 🎯 ### Stuck on Direction You know you want something different, but you are not clear on what comes next or how to get there. 🧭 ### Ready for Accountability You have goals, ideas, or plans, but follow-through keeps getting interrupted by avoidance, overwhelm, or distraction. ⚒️ ### Building Confidence You want to make stronger decisions, communicate more clearly, and stop second-guessing every move. 🏙️ ### Managing Pressure Career, relationships, responsibilities, and expectations are piling up, and you need a smarter way to carry them. Experience With Leaders, Professionals & Organizations Experience includes work connected to organizations such as Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, Kaiser Permanente, Boeing, United Airlines, University of Illinois, the Chicago Urban League, and military-affiliated groups. Coaching Focus Areas ## What We Can Work On ### Career, Leadership & Direction Coaching can help you clarify career goals, prepare for transitions, strengthen leadership habits, improve communication, and make decisions with more confidence. - Career clarity and transition planning - Leadership and communication skills - Presentation and public speaking confidence - Decision-making and goal planning ### Confidence, Habits & Motivation Many men come to coaching because they want to stop drifting and start acting. We can identify the beliefs, habits, distractions, and avoidance patterns that keep slowing you down. - Self-confidence and assertiveness - Habit change and follow-through - Motivation and accountability - Self-discipline without self-attack ### Relationships, Balance & Purpose Coaching can also focus on the way you show up in relationships, how you manage responsibility, and whether your life actually reflects what matters to you. - Work-life balance - Communication and relationship patterns - Purpose, meaning, and personal direction - Mindfulness-based self-awareness ![life coach for men in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blue-shirt-career-coach.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Coaching for clarity, direction, and practical change. The Process ## How Life Coaching Works Coaching usually begins by identifying what you want to change and what keeps getting in the way. From there, we clarify priorities, define realistic goals, and build a practical plan you can actually follow. Depending on your goals, I may draw from solution-focused coaching, ACT-informed strategies, mindfulness, values clarification, goal-setting exercises, and cognitive tools designed to challenge self-limiting beliefs. This is not about vague inspiration. It is about building traction: one honest conversation, one concrete decision, and one next step at a time. ## Coaching and Counseling Are Not the Same Thing Life coaching is goal-focused and is not psychotherapy. Coaching is not billed through insurance and is generally focused on goals, accountability, confidence, habits, career direction, personal growth, leadership, and practical change. Clinical counseling is different. Counseling services are available only to clients who live in Illinois and may involve mental health assessment, treatment planning, and therapy for emotional or psychological concerns. If you are not sure which service is the better fit, you can send a confidential note through the contact page and briefly describe what kind of support you are looking for. Meaning and Direction ## Purpose Without the Hocus Pocus Some men arrive at coaching because the usual markers of success no longer feel like enough. The job is fine. The relationship may be fine. Life may even look good from the outside. But internally, something feels flat, disconnected, or unfinished. This kind of work can include purpose, values, identity, personal meaning, and what you want the next chapter of your life to stand for. It does not have to be religious or abstract. It can be grounded, practical, and honest. ## Want to Learn More About Life Coaching? For a deeper explanation of what coaching is, what it is not, and how it may differ from therapy, read the life coaching FAQ page. [Read the Coaching FAQ →](https://guycounseling.com/life-coach-faqs/) [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Ready to Build Your Next Move? Use the confidential contact form to send a private note and briefly describe what you are hoping to work on. If coaching is a good fit, we can talk about next steps. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Therapeutic Hypnosis for Health-Related Stress in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/therapeutic-hypnosis-chicago/) **Published:** July 6, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![therapeutic hypnosis for health-related stress and coping in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/man-stretching.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Therapeutic Hypnosis for Health-Related Stress Are you dealing with health-related stress, discomfort, or worry about an upcoming medical procedure? Are you looking for practical coping tools that may help you relax, steady your mind, and work with your body in a calmer way? If so, therapeutic hypnosis may be something to consider. At **Guy Counseling in Chicago**, hypnosis is used as a skill-based, mind-body approach that may help some people with relaxation, self-hypnosis, stress reduction, pre-surgery anxiety, and coping with discomfort. The goal is not to diagnose, treat, cure, or replace medical care. Instead, therapeutic hypnosis is used as a complementary coping resource that may support the care you are already receiving from your physician, surgeon, specialist, or healthcare team. ### Complementary Coping Support — Not Medical Treatment Therapeutic hypnosis is used here as a complementary coping tool for health-related stress, relaxation, self-hypnosis, and mind-body support. It is not medical treatment and does not replace care from your physician, surgeon, specialist, or other licensed healthcare provider. ## Health-Related Concerns Where Coping Skills May Help In my work with Chicago-based clients, therapeutic hypnosis may be used to help build coping skills around health-related stress, physical discomfort, and medical-procedure anxiety. When a client is actively receiving medical care, this work should be coordinated with the knowledge and consent of the appropriate healthcare provider. **Examples of health-related stress and coping concerns may include:** - Stress related to chronic pain or discomfort - Anxiety before a planned medical procedure or surgery - Stress after a medical procedure, when appropriate - Relaxation skills for neck, back, or body tension - Stress connected to sports-related injuries - Mind-body coping skills for IBS or other GI-related stress - Emotional stress related to ongoing medical care ### What Therapeutic Hypnosis Can and Cannot Do Therapeutic hypnosis may help some people learn calming skills, practice guided imagery, reduce anticipatory stress, and develop a different relationship with discomfort. It may also support mindfulness, breathing, and relaxation strategies. It does not replace medical evaluation, pain management from a physician, medication, surgery, physical therapy, emergency care, or any treatment plan recommended by your healthcare provider. ## What Are the Benefits of Therapeutic Hypnosis? One of the most meaningful benefits of therapeutic hypnosis is that it can help you learn new coping strategies. For example, if you are scheduled for a medical procedure and feel anxious about it, hypnosis may help you practice relaxation, guided imagery, breathing, and self-soothing skills. If you are coping with discomfort from an old injury, body tension, or a stress-related physical concern, therapeutic hypnosis may help you build skills for calming the nervous system and changing how you respond to stress signals. The work is not about pretending discomfort does not exist. It is about learning practical mind-body tools that may help you feel more grounded and better equipped to cope. ## A Skills-Based Approach The therapeutic hypnosis I offer is not designed to “treat” a medical condition. Instead, it is used as a natural coping resource that you can learn, practice, and use outside of sessions when appropriate. Sessions may include elements of self-hypnosis, guided imagery, mindfulness, meditation, relaxation training, breathing practice, and focused attention. These tools can be especially helpful for people who want a structured way to work with health-related stress. The process is collaborative, practical, and paced around your comfort level. ### Sessions May Include - Relaxation training - Guided imagery - Self-hypnosis skills - Mindfulness and breathing practice - Pre-procedure calming strategies - Stress reduction tools - Mind-body coping practice ## My Background in Hypnotherapy I am a Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist with the National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists and hold special board certification in medical hypnotherapy. I am also a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Illinois. You can learn more about my professional background on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## How Does Therapeutic Hypnosis Happen? Hypnosis is not stage performance, mind control, or anything mysterious. In a therapeutic setting, it is usually a relaxed, focused state of attention where you remain aware and in control. During sessions, we may talk about what you are hoping to work on, identify the kind of coping skill that may be useful, and practice relaxation or guided imagery in a way that feels comfortable and respectful. For more general information, visit my [hypnosis and hypnotherapy FAQ page](https://guycounseling.com/what-is-hypnosis-hypnotherapy/). ### When Medical Coordination Matters If you are seeking therapeutic hypnosis for concerns connected to a medical condition, surgery, injury, chronic pain, gastrointestinal distress, or ongoing healthcare treatment, please speak with your physician or healthcare provider. In some situations, written permission or coordination with your medical provider may be needed before hypnosis services begin. ## How Do I Make an Appointment? You can send a confidential note using the [online contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). Please note that availability for new clients may be limited. If I am unable to help directly, I may be able to offer a referral to a qualified professional when appropriate. [Request an Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Therapeutic Hypnosis FAQ Is therapeutic hypnosis medical treatment? No. Therapeutic hypnosis is used as complementary coping support. It does not diagnose, treat, or cure medical conditions and does not replace medical care. Can hypnosis help with pre-surgery anxiety? Some people use hypnosis-based relaxation, breathing, and imagery skills to cope with anxiety before a planned procedure. It should be used alongside, not instead of, your medical team’s guidance. Can hypnosis replace pain medication or medical care? No. Hypnosis should not replace medication, medical treatment, surgery, physical therapy, or any care plan recommended by your physician or healthcare provider. Will I be unconscious or out of control? No. In therapeutic hypnosis, you remain aware and in control. The process is usually experienced as focused attention, relaxation, and guided practice. Do I need permission from my doctor? If hypnosis is connected to a medical condition, surgery, injury, chronic pain, or ongoing healthcare treatment, it is important to speak with your physician or healthcare provider first. In some cases, written permission or coordination may be needed. Is this available virtually? Depending on your location, needs, and clinical appropriateness, virtual sessions may be available. This can be discussed when you reach out. How do I request an appointment? Use the [online contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) to send a confidential appointment request. Important Medical and Emergency Note Therapeutic hypnosis is not a substitute for medical treatment. It is a complementary coping tool that may benefit some people. Please talk to your doctor or healthcare provider about any medical condition, pain concern, procedure, injury, or ongoing health issue. If you are experiencing a medical or psychological crisis, are in serious pain, or are worried you might hurt yourself or someone else, call 911 or immediately go to your local emergency room. I am not a licensed medical doctor and do not provide medical diagnosis, medical treatment, or medical advice. --- ### [Men's Consultant for Actors, Film Writers & Producers](https://guycounseling.com/mens-psychology-media-consultant/) **Published:** July 6, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![men's psychology media consulting for writers, actors, and producers](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/media-consultations.jpg?resize=1000%2C706&ssl=1) ## Psychology-Informed Consulting for Creative Projects Dr. John D. Moore consults with creative professionals developing projects involving men’s psychology, relationships, masculinity, behavior, and emotional realism. Creative projects often depend on believable behavior. When a script, character, storyline, or performance involves men’s psychology, relationships, masculinity, trauma, obsession, identity, workplace pressure, or emotional conflict, psychology-informed consultation can help make the work feel more authentic. Creative Consulting for Men’s Psychology and Behavior Whether you’re developing a script, preparing for a role, shaping a documentary, writing a book, or building a storyline involving male characters, psychology-informed consultation can help make the work more believable, emotionally grounded, and human. ## Who This Consulting Is For • Actors preparing for emotionally complex roles • Screenwriters developing male characters • Producers and directors shaping relationship- or behavior-driven stories • Documentary teams exploring men’s wellness, masculinity, trauma, relationships, or culture • Authors writing about men’s psychology or male behavior • Podcast producers developing episodes around men’s issues • Creative teams needing background on men’s emotional life, behavior, relationships, or identity ![psychology consulting for film and media projects](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/film-media-psychology.jpg?resize=560%2C420&ssl=1) ## What Consultation Can Help With Character Development Believable male characters, emotional responses, internal conflict, avoidance, shame, anger, grief, intimacy, confidence, values, and motivation. Relationship Dynamics Attraction and attachment, breakups, obsession and boundaries, communication patterns, intimacy and trust. Masculinity and Identity Masculine norms, identity conflict, vulnerability, social pressure, friendship, and isolation. Trauma and Stress Themes Trauma-informed storylines, workplace pressure, loss and grief, bullying, emotional shutdown, resilience. Role Preparation Emotional realism, character motivation, actor support for difficult material, and understanding behavior without diagnosing the role. Culture and Media Men’s wellness trends, celebrity behavior, popular culture and masculinity, and public narratives about men. ## Role Preparation for Actors Actors may seek consultation when preparing for a role involving emotional conflict, trauma history, obsession or attachment issues, relationship conflict, masculinity and vulnerability, addiction-adjacent or compulsive behavior themes, or shame, anger, grief, and identity struggle. **Role consultation is not therapy.** It’s a creative consultation process designed to support character understanding, emotional realism, and responsible portrayal. ## Storylines Involving Relationships, Trauma, Identity, Work, Masculinity, Obsession, and Emotional Conflict A story is only as convincing as the behavior underneath it. Consultation can help writers, directors, and producers ground these kinds of storylines in realistic psychology — how people actually think, avoid, cope, and change — without flattening a character into a diagnosis or a stereotype. ![actor and creative team consultation on men's psychology](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/actor-consultations.jpg?resize=560%2C451&ssl=1) ## Confidentiality, Discretion, and NDAs Creative projects often involve unpublished scripts, developing ideas, private character notes, or sensitive production details. Project details are handled with discretion. When needed, non-disclosure agreements can be reviewed before consultation begins. Consultation is not legal representation, talent management, production financing, medical advice, or a substitute for therapy. ## About Dr. John D. Moore Dr. John D. Moore is the founder and editor of Guy Counseling. He holds a PhD in Psychology and an MBA, and is a licensed psychotherapist and mental health counselor. He teaches at the university level and has consulted on human behavior topics for a range of academic and professional audiences. He is the author of *[Confusing Love with Obsession](https://guycounseling.com/confusing-love-with-obsession-by-john-d-moore/)* and hosts [The Men’s Self-Help Podcast](https://guycounseling.com/9hl7). His background spans psychology, counseling, education, business, writing, and men’s wellness media — you can read the full details on his [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). Dr. Moore has consulted with creative professionals and brings experience discussing psychology, relationships, identity, and men’s behavioral themes in ways that are understandable to general audiences. If you’re a journalist or editor seeking a quote for an article rather than project consulting, visit the [media interviews page](https://guycounseling.com/mens-expert-media-interviews/). ## How to Request a Consultation To get started, please include the following in your message: • Name • Role or title • Company or project type, if applicable • A brief project description • What kind of consultation you’re looking for • Timeline or deadline • Preferred format: phone, video, or email • Whether an NDA is required before details are shared Reach out through the [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/), or by email at <john@guycounseling.com> with the subject line: Media Consulting Request – \[Project Type\] This page is for creative and media consulting inquiries only. It is not for product pitches, link-building requests, sponsored content, paid placements, casting inquiries, talent representation, or promotional campaigns. ![Dr. John D. Moore home office for media consulting](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/home-office-336377_640.jpg?resize=640%2C426&ssl=1) ## Frequently Asked Questions What is a men’s psychology media consultant? A consultant who helps creative teams portray men’s psychology, behavior, and relationships in a way that feels authentic and grounded, drawing on clinical and behavioral training. Who might use this type of consultation? Screenwriters, actors, directors, producers, documentary teams, authors, podcast producers, and creative agencies working on projects involving men’s psychology or behavior. Can you help with script or character development? Yes. Consultation can support believable character behavior, emotional responses, motivation, and internal conflict for male characters. Do you provide role preparation for actors? Yes. This is a creative consultation process focused on emotional realism and character understanding — not therapy. Can you consult on trauma or relationship storylines? Yes. This includes trauma-informed storylines, relationship dynamics, obsession and boundaries, and related emotional themes. Are project details confidential? Project details are handled with discretion throughout the consultation process. Can you sign an NDA? When needed, non-disclosure agreements can be reviewed before consultation begins. Is this the same as therapy? No. This is a creative consulting service, not therapy, medical advice, or a substitute for clinical treatment. How do I request a consultation? Use the contact form or email with your project details, and we’ll go from there. Is this page for product pitches or sponsored content? No. This page is for creative and media consulting inquiries only — not pitches, link-building, sponsorships, or casting requests. Ready to talk through your project? Reach out through the confidential [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). [Request a Consultation →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Getting Unstuck in Life: Counseling for Men in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/getting-unstuck-men-chicago/) **Published:** July 5, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man feeling stuck and thinking about life direction](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/counseling-therapist-for-getting-unstuck-from-stuck-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Getting Unstuck in Life You don’t have to be falling apart to ask for support. A lot of men who reach out to me aren’t in crisis — they’re functioning, showing up, getting things done. But underneath that, something feels off. Stuck. Like they’re going through the motions without a clear sense of where things are actually headed. If that sounds familiar, this page is for you. Feeling Stuck Is Not Failure Many men keep functioning even when they feel stuck. They go to work, handle responsibilities, respond to people, and keep moving through the day. But underneath, there may be a quiet sense that something needs to change. Counseling can help you slow things down, sort out what’s actually happening, and begin taking practical steps toward a different direction. ## Why Men Feel Stuck Many men seek counseling when they feel stuck, not only when they’re in crisis. Feeling stuck rarely announces itself directly — it tends to show up sideways, as avoidance, irritability, procrastination, self-doubt, numbness, overworking, or just not knowing which decision to make next. None of that means something is broken. It usually means something needs attention. ## Common Signs You May Be Stuck ✦ Decision paralysis ✦ Procrastination ✦ Self-doubt ✦ Feeling behind in life ✦ Motivation problems ✦ Emotional shutdown ✦ Work stress that won’t ease up ✦ Family pressure ✦ Wanting change but not knowing where to start ## Life Transitions That Can Trigger Uncertainty Certain moments tend to bring these feelings to the surface — a breakup or divorce, becoming more independent, a career shift, a relationship changing shape, or just realizing that something about your identity or direction no longer fits. These aren’t signs of a problem so much as signals that something is asking to be worked through. ## Work, Career, and Direction Career uncertainty is one of the most common ways “stuck” shows up — wondering if you’re in the right job, the right field, or just going through the motions toward someone else’s version of success. This is an area where [counseling](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/) and [coaching-informed work](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) often overlap — clarifying what you actually want, then building a realistic plan to move toward it. ## Relationships, Identity, and Confidence Feeling stuck often bleeds into relationships and self-image too — a sense of disconnection from a partner, friends, or family, or a quieter erosion of confidence and self-trust. Counseling offers a space to explore identity questions and rebuild confidence without judgment, at whatever pace makes sense for you. ## Counseling and Coaching-Informed Support Counseling can help men clarify their values, challenge negative thinking, build confidence, and create practical next steps. Coaching-informed work tends to be most helpful when the issue is more about direction, goals, accountability, or action planning than about a clinical concern. Therapy and coaching are different services, but in practical personal-growth work, they often overlap. We can figure out together which framework fits what you’re dealing with. ### Prefer Virtual Sessions? For many men, online counseling can make it easier to get support without adding another commute to the day. Guy Counseling offers secure virtual counseling for clients located in Illinois, along with online coaching options when appropriate. [Learn more about online counseling and coaching for men →](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/) ## How Sessions May Help Sessions typically start with sorting through what’s actually going on beneath the “stuck” feeling — separating the parts of your situation you can act on now from the parts that need more time. From there, we work on the thinking patterns keeping you in place, and build a concrete, realistic plan for what comes next. Approaches like [CBT](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) and [mindfulness-based tools](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) are often part of this work, alongside straightforward conversation and goal-setting. ## Chicago Office and Virtual Options Sessions are available at my Chicago office, or virtually through a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform — more on [online counseling and coaching](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/) here. Whichever format fits your schedule and situation is the right one to start with. [Request an Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Frequently Asked Questions What does it mean to feel stuck in life? It usually means you’re functioning day to day, but something underneath feels off — disconnected, uncertain, or like you’re not moving toward anything in particular. It often shows up as avoidance, low motivation, or difficulty making decisions. Is getting unstuck a counseling issue or a coaching issue? It can be either, depending on what’s underneath it. If there’s an emotional or clinical component, counseling is usually the better fit. If it’s mainly about direction, goals, and accountability, coaching-informed work may fit better. Many men find these overlap in practice. Can counseling help with career uncertainty? Yes. Career uncertainty is one of the most common reasons men reach out. Counseling can help clarify what’s actually going on and build a realistic plan forward. What if I know something needs to change but I don’t know what? That’s a very common starting point, not a barrier to getting support. Often, sorting that out together is the first real piece of the work. Can this help with relationship or identity changes? Yes. Feeling stuck often connects to relationships and identity — counseling offers a space to work through both without judgment. Do you work with men who are not in crisis but feel off track? Yes — in fact, most of the men I work with in this area aren’t in crisis. They’re managing life fine on the surface but want something to feel less stuck underneath. Are virtual sessions available? Yes, through a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform, alongside in-person sessions at my Chicago office. How do I request an appointment? Use the confidential [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/), and we’ll go from there. Important Note Guy Counseling does not provide emergency or crisis services through this website. If you are experiencing a medical, psychiatric, or life-threatening emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately. Counseling services are available only where clinically and legally appropriate. Coaching is not therapy and does not diagnose or treat mental health conditions. For broader support, visit the [counseling services hub](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/), [stress and anxiety support](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/), or my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). --- ### [EMDR Therapy for Men](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapy-for-men/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** EMDR · Men’s Therapy · Chicago # EMDR Therapy for Men EMDR can help some men work through painful memories, stress reactions, negative beliefs, and emotional roadblocks that keep showing up in work, relationships, confidence, and daily life. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ✦ Painful Memories ✦ Negative Beliefs ✦ Stress Reactions ✦ Emotional Roadblocks A Practical Approach to Change ## When the Past Keeps Showing Up in the Present Some men do not walk into therapy saying, “I need trauma work.” More often, they say something like, “I keep reacting the same way,” “I know this should not bother me this much,” or “I can’t seem to get past it.” That “it” may be a painful memory, a humiliating experience, a relationship wound, a high-pressure event, or a long-standing belief that you are not good enough, safe enough, strong enough, or worthy enough. EMDR is one method that may help you process those stuck experiences so they stop carrying the same emotional charge. On this page, I’ll explain what EMDR is, how it may help, and how I use it as part of men’s counseling and personal change work. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## What Is EMDR? EMDR stands for **Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing**. It is a structured form of therapy that uses bilateral stimulation — often eye movements, tapping, or audio tones — while you focus on a specific memory, belief, image, emotion, or body sensation. The goal is not to erase the past or force you to relive everything in detail. The goal is to help your brain reprocess distressing material so it feels less stuck, less intense, and less in control of your present life. In my work, EMDR may be used alongside practical therapy tools such as [CBT](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/), [ACT](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), and [mindfulness-based approaches](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/). How It May Be Used ## When EMDR May Be Useful for Men 🧭 ### Emotional Roadblocks You know what you want to change, but something keeps pulling you back into the same reaction, shutdown, avoidance, or self-doubt. ⚙️ ### Stress Reactions Your body reacts before your mind catches up — tension, irritation, avoidance, panic-like sensations, or feeling flooded by pressure. 🛡️ ### Negative Beliefs Old beliefs like “I’m not enough,” “I can’t trust myself,” or “I have to handle everything alone” keep shaping your choices. 🌒 ### Painful Memories A memory may be in the past, but your nervous system still responds as if it is active, current, or unfinished. 🎯 ### Confidence and Performance EMDR may help when self-doubt, shame, fear of failure, or past criticism keeps interfering with how you show up. 🤝 ### Relationship Triggers Sometimes old emotional material gets activated in present-day conflict, intimacy, rejection, criticism, or vulnerability. Men, Trauma, and EMDR ## Why EMDR Can Be Helpful with Men’s Trauma Many men carry trauma in ways that do not always look like obvious “trauma symptoms.” It may show up as irritability, emotional shutdown, overworking, avoidance, numbness, trouble trusting others, relationship conflict, sleep problems, or a constant need to stay in control. Sometimes the past is not experienced as a clear memory. It shows up as a body reaction, a defensive habit, or a belief that keeps repeating: “I should have handled it,” “I can’t let my guard down,” or “I have to deal with this alone.” EMDR may be useful because it does not require you to explain every detail of what happened or talk endlessly about the past. Instead, the work is structured around identifying the memory, belief, image, emotion, or body sensation that still feels stuck, and then using bilateral stimulation to help the brain reprocess that material in a more adaptive way. For men who are used to pushing through, minimizing pain, or staying functional on the outside while struggling privately on the inside, this can be an important distinction. EMDR is not about weakness, blame, or being forced to “open up” before you are ready. It is a methodical therapy process that may help reduce the emotional charge connected to painful experiences while strengthening a calmer, more grounded response in the present. **EMDR may be considered when trauma is connected to:** painful memories, relationship wounds, shame, past criticism, sudden loss, childhood experiences, bullying, accidents, medical events, workplace incidents, rejection, humiliation, or situations where your body still reacts as if the danger or threat is happening now. That said, EMDR is not the right fit for every person or every trauma history. Some men need more stabilization, grounding, or support before reprocessing begins. The first step is always to understand your situation, talk through your goals, and decide whether EMDR makes sense as part of your overall counseling plan. ## How EMDR Works in Session EMDR uses forms of bilateral stimulation, meaning both sides of the brain are engaged in a structured way while you focus on a target memory, belief, or feeling. Depending on the situation, this may include: 👁 Eye Movements 🔊 Audio Stimulation 🖐 Tapping or Pulsers ## EMDR Is Structured Work EMDR is not random. It is commonly organized around eight phases. You may move through some phases quickly, stay with others longer, or return to earlier phases depending on your needs and readiness. **1.** History Taking **2.** Preparation **3.** Assessment **4.** Desensitization **5.** Installation **6.** Body Scan **7.** Closure **8.** Reevaluation Preparation matters. Before any reprocessing work begins, we spend time making sure you understand the process, have grounding tools, and know how to pause if something feels too intense. ![EMDR therapy for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/sun-rising-photo.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) What are you trying to change? ## How I Use EMDR with Men I typically use EMDR as one part of a larger counseling process, not as a stand-alone magic technique. It may be integrated with practical therapy, mindfulness approaches, values-based work, and conversations about the patterns that keep showing up in your life. The focus is usually straightforward: identify what feels stuck, understand how it shows up now, and work toward a different response. ✦ Reducing the charge around painful memories ✦ Challenging old negative beliefs ✦ Working through anxiety tied to past events ✦ Strengthening confidence and self-trust ✦ Understanding relationship triggers ✦ Creating a calmer response to stress ## Is EMDR Right for Everyone? No. EMDR is not appropriate for every person or every situation. Some people need more stabilization first. Others may benefit more from CBT, ACT, mindfulness-based work, traditional talk therapy, medical support, or a referral to a clinician with a different specialty. There are also no guarantees. Many people report benefits from EMDR, but fit, timing, readiness, and clinical judgment all matter. Important If you are dealing with severe symptoms, active crisis, safety concerns, or complex trauma needs, a higher level of care or a specialized referral may be more appropriate. ## In-Person and Telehealth Options For clients in Illinois, EMDR-related counseling may be offered in person or through secure telehealth when clinically appropriate. Some EMDR work can be done online, while other situations may be better suited for in-person sessions. I can only provide clinical counseling services to clients who live in Illinois. Coaching-related services are separate from clinical counseling and are not billed to insurance. ## Chicago Lakeview Office My office is located in Chicago’s Lakeview neighborhood at Park Place Tower, near Irving Park Road and Pine Grove Avenue in the 60613 zip code. Many clients arrive by CTA using the Red Line at Sheridan or nearby bus routes. In-person sessions may allow for additional bilateral stimulation options depending on what is clinically appropriate. ## Training and Qualifications I have completed EMDR training through an EMDRIA-approved program and have additional training connected to trauma and anxiety treatment. You can learn more about my background by visiting my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). As with all therapy approaches, the first step is determining whether the method is a reasonable fit for your goals, symptoms, readiness, and overall situation. ## Ready to Explore Whether EMDR Fits? You can send me a confidential note using the contact form. If I am able to help, I will. If my schedule is full or your needs fall outside my focus, I am happy to provide quality referrals when possible. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) EMDR is not appropriate for everyone. --- ### [Public Speaking Fears in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/public-speaking-fears-chicago/) **Published:** July 5, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![public speaking fears and presentation anxiety support in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/public-speaking-hypnotist-therapist-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Public Speaking Fears and Anxiety Worried about getting up in front of a group and talking? Feeling anxious about speaking at a conference, a wedding, or a meeting? If so, you’re not alone — by some estimates, roughly 75% of people experience some fear of public speaking. In psychology, this is sometimes called glossophobia, or speech anxiety. Whatever you call it, it’s common — and there are practical, well-supported ways to work with it. Public speaking fear is not weakness. It’s often a learned stress response — and one that can be worked with using practical tools, repetition, and support. Virtual Sessions Available Whether you prefer meeting in person or online, virtual therapy through a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform is available for this work — a practical option if your schedule or location makes in-person visits difficult. ## Why Public Speaking Can Feel So Stressful Glossophobia can strike anyone, regardless of how much experience they’ve had speaking in front of others — from [actors](https://guycounseling.com/therapist-artists-actors-chicago/) who perform for a living to business executives who present as part of their job. Nobody knows for certain why some people struggle with it more than others; some researchers point to a past bad experience, others to an underlying fear of being caught unprepared. What we do know is that it’s extremely common, and that it responds well to practical, structured support. ## Common Public Speaking Fear Symptoms • Intense anxiety in the run-up period before speaking to a group • Dry mouth or stiff muscles while speaking • Stress and worry that shows up just from thinking about it • Avoiding situations where you might get “put on the spot” • A sense of panic during the event or the lead-up to it • Nausea, sweating, or a racing heart in the moments before presenting ## Situations Where This Fear May Show Up Public speaking fear doesn’t just show up on a literal stage. Common settings include: • Job interviews • Workplace meetings and presentations • Wedding speeches or toasts • Academic presentations • Conferences and networking events ![presentation anxiety support in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/hypnosis-in-chicago-area-1.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How CBT Can Help [Cognitive behavioral therapy](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) works by helping you identify and dispute the irrational, negative thoughts that fuel speaking anxiety — the automatic “I’m going to mess this up” thinking that often shows up long before you’re anywhere near a podium. Many people find that as those thought patterns shift, the physical anxiety response follows. ## How Mindfulness and Grounding Can Help Alongside CBT, [mindfulness](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) and grounding techniques can help you stay present instead of spiraling into anticipatory anxiety. Breathing techniques in particular are often the fastest tool for calming a racing heart rate in the moments right before you speak. Confidence-building work and exposure-style practice — gradually getting more comfortable with the situations that trigger the fear — round out this part of the process. ## Where Hypnosis May Fit Hypnosis isn’t the main event here — it’s a supportive tool, not a standalone fix. Some research suggests hypnosis-informed techniques can support relaxation and mental rehearsal when combined with an approach like CBT. In practice, that might look like guided visualization — mentally rehearsing a calm, successful presentation — or learning a self-hypnosis technique you can call on in the moments before you speak. It’s worth being clear: hypnosis alone isn’t a cure, and it works best as one part of a broader plan. If you’d like the fuller picture of how hypnosis works, visit the [hypnosis FAQ page](https://guycounseling.com/what-is-hypnosis-hypnotherapy/). ![man working through public speaking fears in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/man-shame.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## What Sessions Are Like If we’re working on public speaking fears together, sessions typically focus on interrupting automatic negative thoughts, reducing stress, building confidence, and practicing visualization — all shaped around your specific goals. Because everyone learns and adjusts at a different pace, session length and pacing are things we figure out together as we go, based on how you’re responding. ## About Dr. John’s Background I hold a PhD in psychology and am a licensed psychotherapist, as well as a Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. You can learn more on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## Chicago Office and Virtual Options My office is in the Lakeview/Uptown area of Chicago, near the CTA’s Red Line, and not far from Wrigley Field. Street parking is usually available during the day, and paid parking is available in the building. Sessions are by appointment only — no walk-ins. For those who prefer or need it, virtual sessions through a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform are also available — see the callout above. [Request an Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Frequently Asked Questions Is public speaking fear common? Very. Estimates suggest roughly 75% of people experience some level of anxiety around public speaking — you’re in good company. Is this the same as social anxiety? They can overlap, but they’re not necessarily the same thing. Public speaking fear is often more situational — tied specifically to performance settings — while social anxiety tends to be broader. Many people find it’s worth exploring the distinction together. Can CBT help with public speaking fears? Many people find CBT helpful for identifying and shifting the negative thought patterns that drive speaking anxiety. It’s one of the main tools I use for this work. Where does hypnosis fit? Hypnosis can support relaxation and mental rehearsal when used alongside CBT and other tools. It’s not positioned as a cure on its own, and works best as part of a broader plan. Do I have to be a professional speaker to get help? Not at all. Most people I work with aren’t professional speakers — they’re dealing with an interview, a work presentation, a wedding toast, or a class assignment. This work is for anyone who feels stuck around speaking in front of others. Can virtual sessions help with public speaking fears? Yes. Virtual sessions through a secure, HIPAA-compliant platform can support this same work — many people find it just as effective as meeting in person. How many sessions will I need? It varies by person. Some people find a handful of sessions helpful; others benefit from a longer series. We’ll figure out the right pace together based on how you’re progressing. How do I request an appointment? Use the confidential [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/), and we’ll go from there. Important Note This page addresses public speaking fears specifically and is not intended as treatment for broader anxiety disorders, trauma, or crisis situations. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately. For broader anxiety support, visit the [stress and anxiety support page](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/) or the [counseling services hub](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/). For goal-focused support outside of clinical treatment, see [men’s life coaching](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/). --- ### [Therapist for College Students Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/therapist-college-students-chicago/) **Published:** July 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago ## Counseling for College Students in Chicago Looking for a therapist in Chicago who works with college students? Need counseling for issues related to school, studying, grades, or relationships? Struggling with focus, concentration, organization, or motivation? If the answer is yes to any of these, you’ve come to the right place. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Before we get too far in, let me congratulate you for taking the necessary steps to focus on your wellness. One of the smartest things you can do is reach out to a professional when life is confusing. In my work as a counselor, I’ve helped many college students work through a variety of academic and personal challenges — real things like better time management, healthier decision-making, and managing anxiety. The issues, while certainly unique to your situation, generally tend to follow common themes. Here are a few examples. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Common Life Challenges for Chicago College Students ✦ Career direction ✦ Indecision on degree choice ✦ Pressure and stress to get good grades ✦ Relationship problems ✦ Adulting ✦ “Failure to launch” ✦ Family drama ✦ [Poor study habits & test-taking anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/test-anxiety-chicago/) ✦ Problems with focus ✦ Negative thinking ✦ [Athletic performance issues](https://guycounseling.com/sports-athletic-counseling-for-peak-performance-chicago/) ✦ Time management issues ✦ Anxiety about grades ✦ Life balance struggles ✦ Self-image and self-esteem ✦ Job interviewing skills ✦ Goal setting and goal attainment ✦ [Fears about the future](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) ✦ Financial stress ✦ Drinking problems and substance use ✦ [LGBTQ issues](https://guycounseling.com/therapy-for-gay-men/) ![chicago college student](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/young-man-thinking-about-narcissists-and-relationships.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) College can be stressful. Can therapy help? ### Prefer Virtual Sessions? For many men, online counseling can make it easier to get support without adding another commute to the day. Guy Counseling offers secure virtual counseling for clients located in Illinois, along with online coaching options when appropriate. [Learn more about online counseling and coaching for men](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/). ## How Therapy Can Help College Students You may be wondering how counseling can actually help with the issues mentioned above. There are a number of ways, but probably the most important is having someone to help you find solutions. Partnering with a counselor who has experience working with university students also offers an accountability partner for the goals you set for yourself. In this way, you learn new tools for coping with life’s stressors while creating a plan for success. Here are some of the specific ways research shows counseling helps college students navigate their academic journey: **Emotional well-being:** College can be a stressful time with academic pressures, social adjustments, and personal challenges. Counseling provides a safe and confidential space to express your feelings, manage stress, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. **Personal growth and self-awareness:** College is a time of self-discovery. Through counseling, you can gain deeper self-awareness, explore your values and beliefs, and develop a clearer sense of identity and purpose — leading to personal growth, improved decision-making, and increased self-confidence. **Relationship and communication skills:** College puts you in contact with a diverse range of people. Counseling can help you build healthy relationships, resolve conflicts, and strengthen interpersonal communication — skills that matter well beyond graduation. **Mental health support:** Many college students experience anxiety, depression, or substance use challenges. Counseling offers specialized support — assessments, interventions, coping strategies, and referrals when needed. **Career guidance and planning:** College is a pivotal time for career exploration. Counseling can help you identify your interests and goals, choose a major, and work through resume writing, interview prep, and job search strategy. Counseling is a valuable resource that supports students in overcoming challenges, maximizing their potential, and thriving during their college years. ![college student phone therapy](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/man-phone-therapy.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) What’s counseling like? ## What’s Counseling & Therapy Like? Typically, we would meet to learn about the issues that are important to you. In a safe, affirming, and confidential environment, we then move about the business of creating a plan of action. For example, if your studies are going well but your love life isn’t, a goal for counseling might be finding the right balance. Or maybe too much time has gone into relationships and not enough into school — either way, we’d work together to explore options and walk toward a path of change, recognizing your strengths while acknowledging your challenge areas. As part of this approach, I employ [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/). Other tools are used as well, including coaching and, when appropriate, [hypnotherapy](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-in-chicago-for-stress-and-anxiety/), to reinforce learning concepts. Because I believe real change happens outside of the counseling office, I usually provide homework assignments designed to spark self-insight and growth. ## What’s Your Background? Apart from my work as a counselor, I’m also a college educator — I teach courses at the graduate and undergraduate level across a variety of subjects, including business and psychology programs at the bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral levels. Not only do I understand what it’s like to be a student, I also understand what your instructors are looking for when you submit assignments. If you’re interested in learning more about my background, [check out my bio](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ![test anxiety counseling chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/test-anxiety-hypnosis-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) College stressing you out? ## Do You Work with College Men and Women? A common question I get is, “Do you work with men only?” The simple answer is no. I work with men and women to help them move closer to important academic and personal goals. The only requirement is a genuine desire to experience counseling and the motivation to make change happen. ## In-Person or Virtual Counseling for College Students? The counseling services I offer are flexible by design. Depending on both of our schedules, we may meet in person at my office or online using a secure, HIPAA-compliant video program. The choice between face-to-face or virtual sessions is largely yours — many students opt for video sessions simply for the convenience. ## Chicago Office Location My office is located in Chicago’s Lakeview community at Park Place Tower, 655 W. Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60613 — one block off Lake Shore Drive at the Irving Park exit, at the corner of Irving Park Road and Pine Grove Avenue. ## When Are You Available for Counseling? When I have openings, I typically have the ability to work with people during the day. Much will depend on your schedule and mine — we’d work collaboratively to figure out a time that works best. If I don’t have openings, or our schedules don’t align, I’m plugged into a network of professionals who specialize in working with college students. ## Requesting a Therapy Appointment If you’re interested in receiving guidance around any of the issues mentioned above, feel free to send me a confidential note using this [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Mindfulness Coaching for Men in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Uptown · Chicago ## Mindfulness Coaching for Men in Chicago Practical mindfulness coaching for men who want better focus, steadier emotions, improved stress control, and a more grounded way to move through work, relationships, and daily life. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Looking for a mindfulness coach in Chicago? If you are a man who wants to feel more centered, focused, and intentional, mindfulness coaching may be a useful place to begin. At Guy Counseling, mindfulness coaching is practical and straightforward. The goal is not to turn you into someone who meditates for hours or pretends pressure does not exist. The goal is to help you develop usable skills for staying grounded when life gets busy, demanding, or emotionally charged. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## What Is Mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment with greater awareness and less automatic judgment. In everyday terms, it helps you notice what is happening inside of you before it takes over your behavior. For men, this can be especially useful when stress shows up as irritability, shutdown, distraction, tension, overthinking, or difficulty being present. Mindfulness gives you a way to pause, observe, and respond with more intention. A common misconception is that mindfulness means emptying your mind. That is not the goal. Your mind will keep producing thoughts because that is what minds do. Mindfulness helps you change your relationship with those thoughts so they do not automatically run the show. Modern mindfulness approaches are often connected to **Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction**, a secular skills-based model that has been widely used in wellness, coaching, and behavioral health settings. ### Prefer Virtual Sessions? For many men, online counseling can make it easier to get support without adding another commute to the day. Guy Counseling offers secure virtual counseling for clients located in Illinois, along with online coaching options when appropriate. [Learn more about online counseling and coaching for men](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/). ## What Is Mindfulness Coaching? Mindfulness coaching is a practical, skills-based approach that helps you build greater awareness of your thoughts, emotions, physical reactions, and behavior patterns. Instead of simply talking about stress, focus, confidence, or emotional control, mindfulness coaching helps you practice specific tools that can be used in daily life. This may include breathing exercises, body awareness, thought observation, attention training, and simple routines for staying centered. Some of the tools used in mindfulness coaching overlap with concepts found in [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) and [CBT](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/). In coaching, however, the focus is on personal growth, habits, performance, focus, and practical skill-building. ## Why Men Seek Mindfulness Coaching A lot of men are used to pushing through stress. That may work for a while, but over time it can lead to mental fatigue, tension, impatience, distraction, and difficulty staying connected to yourself or the people around you. Mindfulness coaching gives you a different path. Instead of ignoring what is happening or forcing yourself to “calm down,” you learn how to notice your internal state, regulate your response, and make clearer choices. ## What Will I Learn in Mindfulness Coaching? Skill-building is a central part of the coaching process. Depending on your goals, mindfulness coaching may help you develop practical tools for focus, stress control, emotional regulation, confidence, and work-life balance. ✦ Breathing techniques for grounding and focus ✦ Thought observation without getting pulled into rumination ✦ Body awareness practices for noticing tension earlier ✦ Attention training for better concentration ✦ Simple meditation practices for beginners ✦ Mindful routines for work and home life ✦ How to pause before reacting ✦ Strategies for staying present during difficult conversations ✦ Confidence-building through self-awareness ✦ Ways to manage mental clutter and overthinking ✦ Emotional regulation tools for high-pressure moments ✦ Healthier transitions between work and personal life ✦ Better listening and presence in relationships ✦ Practical habits that support discipline and follow-through ![mindfulness coaching for men in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/man-mindfulness-based-meditation.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ![mindfulness coach Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/ocean-circle.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## Benefits of Mindfulness Coaching Mindfulness coaching can help you build practical skills that carry into work, relationships, decision-making, and daily routines. ✦ Greater focus and concentration ✦ Better stress awareness and self-control ✦ Improved ability to pause before reacting ✦ More emotional presence with partners and family ✦ Healthier work-life boundaries ✦ Clearer thinking during pressure moments ✦ Increased confidence through self-awareness ✦ More intentional habits and routines ## Is Mindfulness Coaching the Same as Therapy? No. Mindfulness coaching and therapy may use some similar language, but they are not the same thing. Coaching is generally focused on goals, habits, performance, personal growth, focus, communication, and skill-building. Therapy is more appropriate when someone needs treatment for a mental health condition, trauma, severe anxiety, depression, addiction, or other clinical concerns. If it becomes clear that therapy would be a better fit, that can be discussed. The goal is to point you toward the kind of support that best matches your needs. ## What Are Your Qualifications? I am a **Certified Life Coach** through the Academy of Coaching and Training. I am also a **certified Transcendental Meditation Teacher** through the Transformation Meditation Institute. As a college instructor, I teach courses in psychology and wellness. I am also a counselor in private practice and a **Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist**. You can learn more about my background [on my bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## How Does Coaching Happen? Much will depend on your schedule and mine. Ideally, we would meet in my office for face-to-face coaching sessions. There may be times, however, when schedules do not permit in-person meetings. When appropriate, video sessions may be an option. ## How Many Sessions Will I Need? The number of sessions depends on your goals and what you want to work on. Mindfulness coaching is often short-term and skills-focused. Some men use a few sessions to learn specific tools, while others prefer ongoing support as they build new habits and routines. ## Lakeview — Uptown Location Guy Counseling is located in Chicago’s Lakeview/Uptown area, near the corner of Irving Park Road and Pine Grove Avenue, in Park Place Tower. The address is 655 W. Irving Park Road. ## How Do I Make an Appointment? To ask about mindfulness coaching, complete the contact form [through this link](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). Please note that availability may be limited because of existing client load and other responsibilities. If scheduling is not possible, referral options may be suggested when appropriate. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Executive and Leadership Coaching for Men](https://guycounseling.com/executive-leadership-coach-for-men/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Chicago-Based · Virtual Available # Executive and Leadership Coaching for Men Confidential coaching for men in leadership roles who want more clarity, confidence, emotional steadiness, and direction while managing pressure, people, decisions, and professional visibility. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Leadership Pressure · Professional Growth · Private Support ## A Private Place to Think Clearly Leadership can look powerful from the outside and feel heavy on the inside. You may be managing staff, making decisions, carrying pressure, trying to stay composed, and still wondering where you go to talk honestly about the weight of it all. Executive and leadership coaching gives you a confidential space outside your workplace network to sort through goals, decision points, communication patterns, professional identity, and the personal pressure that can come with visibility. Unlike psychotherapy, coaching is goal-focused and action-oriented. The work is designed to help you strengthen your professional persona, improve leadership effectiveness, and create a clearer path forward. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Who This Is For ## Men Who Lead, Manage, Build, Decide, and Carry Pressure 🧭 ### Direction and Decision-Making You are weighing career moves, leadership decisions, or professional crossroads and want a clearer way to think through options, risks, and next steps. 🏛️ ### Leadership Presence You want to communicate with more authority, handle conflict more effectively, and show up with steadier confidence when others are watching. ⚒️ ### Accountability and Execution You have goals, but need structure, follow-through, perspective, and a confidential accountability partner who will be direct without being harsh. 🌆 ### Pressure and Private Life You are managing professional visibility while trying to protect your health, relationships, privacy, and life outside the office. The Work ## What Executive Coaching Can Help You Build The focus is practical: identify what is getting in the way, clarify what matters, and create a workable plan for leadership, performance, and personal growth. ✦ Stronger communication with staff, colleagues, and stakeholders ✦ Better decision-making under pressure ✦ More confidence in leadership conversations ✦ Clearer career direction and next-step planning ✦ Healthier boundaries around work and private life ✦ Better management of stress, frustration, and reactivity ✦ A more grounded professional persona ✦ A realistic plan for follow-through and accountability A Space Outside the System ## Confidential Support for Men in Leadership Roles Many leaders do not have a truly neutral place to speak. Your staff may need you to be steady. Your peers may be competing with you. Your family may not understand the pressure. Executive coaching gives you a private place to think out loud without performing. The work can be direct, practical, and honest. The goal is not to make you into someone else. The goal is to help you lead with more clarity, self-awareness, and control over how you respond under pressure. Professional Persona ## How You Show Up Matters Your professional persona is the way people experience you at work: your tone, presence, communication style, decision-making, emotional steadiness, and ability to lead through complexity. In coaching, we can examine how you currently show up, where your style helps you, and where it may be getting in the way. This may include how you handle conflict, motivate others, manage feedback, set expectations, or remain calm when pressure rises. The work is collaborative and goal-focused. You bring the real-world situations. We use them to build strategy, insight, and a more deliberate way forward. Coaching Focus Areas ## Common Executive Coaching Goals ✦ Leadership confidence ✦ Communication and difficult conversations ✦ Management stress ✦ Career direction and transition planning ✦ Work-life balance and boundaries ✦ Visibility and professional pressure ✦ Accountability and execution ✦ Confidence, self-trust, and emotional steadiness Background ## Business Experience With a Psychology Lens My background combines business, psychology, teaching, leadership development, and direct work with men navigating pressure, identity, confidence, and professional growth. Credentials & Experience ✦ PhD in Psychology ✦ Master of Business Administration (MBA) ✦ Experience in management, marketing, and organizational settings ✦ Graduate-level teaching in management and organizational behavior ✦ Clinical background in men’s mental health, stress, anxiety, and behavior change ✦ Coaching and leadership training experience This is part of what makes the work different. You are not simply talking with someone who reads leadership books. You are working with someone who understands behavior, motivation, communication, organizational pressure, and the private cost of being responsible for others. You can learn more about my background on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). Important Distinction ## Coaching and Counseling Are Not the Same Executive coaching is not psychotherapy and is not billed through insurance. Coaching focuses on goals, accountability, communication, leadership development, career direction, and personal growth. Clinical counseling services are available only to clients who live in Illinois. Coaching may be available more broadly depending on your goals and the nature of the work. You can review current details on the [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). How Sessions Work ## Chicago-Based Executive Coaching, With Virtual Options Executive coaching may take place in my Chicago office or [virtually](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/), depending on scheduling, fit, and your goals. Many coaching clients prefer virtual sessions because they are easier to schedule around demanding professional lives. To learn more about coaching generally, visit the [Coaching FAQ page](https://guycounseling.com/life-coach-faqs/). For broader personal coaching, visit the [Life Coaching for Men](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) page. ## Ready to Explore Executive Coaching? Use the confidential contact form to share what kind of leadership, career, or personal growth support you are looking for. If coaching seems like a fit, we can talk about next steps. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [CBT and Practical Therapy Tools for Men in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago # CBT and Practical Therapy Tools for Men in Chicago For men who feel stuck in overthinking, negative self-talk, stress reactions, confidence struggles, or relationship patterns that keep repeating. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ✦ Goal-Focused ✦ Practical Skills ✦ CBT & ACT ✦ Mindfulness-Based Tools A guy I’ll call David sat in my office for the first time convinced he was just “an overthinker.” He wasn’t wrong, exactly — he just didn’t yet have a name for what overthinking was doing to him, or a way to interrupt it. That is often where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, becomes useful. CBT is a practical, present-focused approach that helps you notice the connection between thoughts, feelings, body reactions, and behavior. For many men, the value of CBT is simple: it gives structure to something that has felt hard to explain. Instead of just saying, “I need to stop thinking this way,” CBT helps you understand the pattern, challenge it, and practice a different response. ### ➡️ Prefer Virtual Sessions? For many men, online counseling can make it easier to get support without adding another commute to the day. Guy Counseling offers secure virtual counseling for clients located in Illinois, along with online coaching options when appropriate. [Learn more about online counseling and coaching for men](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/). Who This Is For ## When Thinking Becomes the Problem ⚙️ ### Overthinking You replay conversations, anticipate problems, and stay mentally “on” even when nothing is happening in the moment. 🎯 ### Negative Self-Talk You know the inner critic is loud, but you are not sure how to challenge it without pretending everything is fine. 🧭 ### Stuck Patterns You keep reacting the same way to stress, conflict, confidence problems, or pressure — and you want a more useful response. ## What CBT Actually Helps You Do CBT is built around a practical idea: the way you interpret a situation influences how you feel and what you do next. That does not mean your problems are “all in your head.” It means your thoughts, emotions, body reactions, and behaviors are connected. When you learn to notice that connection, you can start interrupting old patterns. You can challenge assumptions, test beliefs, slow down reactions, and choose behavior that better matches your goals. As part of my work with men in Chicago, I often use CBT alongside related approaches, including [Acceptance and Commitment Therapy](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), mindfulness-based exercises, and practical coaching tools. ## How CBT Helps Men Change the Pattern CBT is useful because it turns vague distress into something you can actually work with. What Changed for David David had spent years suppressing whatever he felt because that is what he thought men were supposed to do. On the outside, he looked functional. Inside, he was managing anxiety, irritation, self-doubt, and a few coping habits he was not proud of. CBT gave him a safe, structured way to slow the pattern down. He started noticing the automatic thoughts that showed up before he shut down, snapped, avoided something, or reached for a numbing behavior after a hard week. The work also helped him communicate more directly. Instead of waiting for an argument to explode, he began naming what was happening internally and choosing a different response in his relationships. Maybe the biggest shift was quiet: David stopped treating self-care as optional. Sleep, movement, boundaries, and better emotional language became part of the plan instead of something he would “get to later.” ## Common Issues CBT Can Help With CBT can be useful for many concerns, but on this page I focus on the issues that commonly bring men to Guy Counseling: stress, self-talk, confidence, emotional reactions, and practical change. ✦ [Stress and anxiety](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/) ✦ Negative thinking ✦ Overthinking and worry ✦ Confidence and self-esteem ✦ Relationship communication ✦ Anger and emotional reactions ✦ Work stress and pressure ✦ Life changes and decision-making ![CBT therapy tools for men in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/attract-positive-energy-678x381.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How I Use CBT in Counseling and Coaching When you work with me, there is a good chance I will ask you to pay attention to what happens between sessions. That might mean tracking a recurring thought, noticing what happens in your body before you react, or practicing a different response in a real-life situation. For David, the work started with a simple thought record. He learned to catch the automatic thought, question whether it was fully accurate, and replace it with something more balanced and useful. Other tools may include Socratic questioning, values clarification, behavioral experiments, communication practice, mindfulness exercises, and realistic homework that connects directly to your goals. Practical Change ## CBT, ACT and Mindfulness-Based Tools ✦ Identifying automatic negative thoughts before they drive behavior. ✦ Challenging self-limiting beliefs without fake positivity. ✦ Using [ACT](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) to connect choices with values. ✦ Practicing [mindfulness-based exercises](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) for stress and emotional regulation. ✦ Building communication skills for relationships and conflict. ✦ Creating small, measurable goals instead of vague self-improvement promises. ✦ Learning grounding tools for moments of pressure or emotional flooding. ✦ Using homework between sessions so the work becomes part of daily life. ## Why CBT Can Work Well for Men A lot of men want therapy to be useful, direct, and connected to real life. CBT can fit that need because it is active, collaborative, and focused on skills you can practice outside the office. That does not mean every session is a worksheet or a lecture. Good therapy still includes conversation, emotional honesty, insight, and trust. CBT simply gives us a practical framework for turning insight into action. The goal is not to become a different person. The goal is to become more aware, more flexible, and more able to choose your next move. Service Clarity ## Counseling, Coaching and Fit CBT-based tools may be used in counseling or coaching, depending on your goals and what kind of support is appropriate. Clinical counseling is available only to clients who live in Illinois. If I am not the right fit or my schedule is full, I am happy to provide quality referrals. The goal is to help you find the right support, not just the first available appointment. [Review Fees →](https://guycounseling.com/fees/) ## CBT-Informed Support in Lakeview, Chicago My office is located in Chicago’s Lakeview area at 655 W. Irving Park Road, near Pine Grove Avenue. Many clients come from Lakeview, Uptown, Wrigleyville, Lincoln Park, Andersonville, downtown Chicago, and other nearby neighborhoods. Telehealth may also be available for Illinois residents using a secure, HIPAA-compliant platform. ## Ready to Change the Pattern? CBT is not about pretending things are easier than they are. It is about learning how your mind reacts under pressure and building practical tools that help you respond with more control, clarity, and intention. If you would like to learn more about CBT-informed counseling or coaching, send a confidential note through the contact page. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Stress and Anxiety Support for Men in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/) **Published:** June 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago · Men’s Counseling # Stress and Anxiety Support for Men in Chicago It’s 11pm and you’re still running tomorrow’s meeting in your head. Your chest feels tight, your patience is thin, and everyone thinks you’re handling it. I’m Dr. John Moore, a Lakeview counselor and coach who helps men work through stress, anxiety, pressure, and feeling stuck. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ✦ Practical Tools ✦ CBT & ACT-Informed ✦ Mindfulness Approaches ✦ Men-Focused Support When Stress Stops Being Background Noise ## You May Look Fine on the Outside — But Inside, You’re Running Hard For many men, anxiety does not always look like panic. Sometimes it looks like being short with people you love, checking email late at night, replaying conversations, avoiding hard decisions, or telling everyone you’re “fine” when you’re anything but. Much of the work I do with men centers on stress, anxiety, pressure, confidence, relationships, and life imbalance. The goal is not to turn you into someone else. The goal is to help you understand what is happening, build practical tools, and take the next step with more clarity. To make this easier to picture, I’ll introduce you to “Mark.” He is not one client. He is a composite of the men I often see — capable, responsible, worn down, and tired of white-knuckling it alone. ### ➡️ Prefer Virtual Sessions? For many men, online counseling can make it easier to get support without adding another commute to the day. Guy Counseling offers secure virtual counseling for clients located in Illinois, along with online coaching options when appropriate. [Learn more about online counseling and coaching for men](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/). A Practical Place to Start ## This May Be a Good Fit If You’re Dealing With ⚙️ ### Work Pressure Deadlines, responsibility, leadership pressure, performance worries, career uncertainty, and the feeling that you always need to prove yourself. 🧭 ### Feeling Stuck You know something needs to change, but you keep circling the same thoughts, habits, fears, or relationship patterns. 🛡️ ### Quiet Anxiety Worry, tension, irritability, overthinking, health fears, sleep problems, or the sense that your nervous system rarely powers down. ## How Anxiety Can Show Up for Men Anxiety and stress affect people of all genders. But many men are taught to carry pressure quietly, perform under strain, and keep moving even when something inside is asking for attention. One Guy’s Week Mark does not usually say he is anxious. He says he is “fine, just tired.” He is the guy who keeps taking on more at work because saying no feels risky. Somewhere along the way, he learned that being strong means staying quiet. Underneath that, there is financial pressure, performance pressure, relationship strain, and the constant internal math of whether he is doing enough. At home, it comes out sideways — less patience, more distraction, fewer real conversations. His body is part of the story too: tight shoulders, stomach tension, sleep problems, a racing mind, and a low-level worry that something is wrong. He does not always have language for it, so he tries to outwork it. That is the kind of stress and anxiety work this page is about: men who are functioning, responsible, and capable — but tired of carrying everything alone. Common Patterns ## Signs Stress and Anxiety May Be Running the Show Not every man experiences stress or anxiety the same way. But when it starts affecting your body, relationships, sleep, work, or confidence, it may be time to pay attention. ✦ Overthinking or replaying conversations ✦ Irritability or snapping at people ✦ Tight chest, stomach tension, or headaches ✦ Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep ✦ Work stress and constant pressure ✦ Avoiding decisions or hard conversations ✦ Confidence dips or self-doubt ✦ Relationship strain or emotional distance ✦ Stress eating, not eating, or body tension ✦ Feeling isolated even when surrounded by people A Note on Your Health Some physical symptoms can also be signs of medical concerns. If you notice chest pain, breathing problems, sudden changes in health, or symptoms that worry you, contact a medical professional or seek emergency care. ![stress and anxiety support for men in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/beach-water-sand.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Stress and anxiety support for men in Chicago Counseling, Coaching and Practical Tools ## How We Work Through Stress and Anxiety The work is direct, conversational, and goal-focused. We look at what is creating pressure, how your thoughts and habits are reinforcing it, and what concrete steps can help you feel more grounded and effective. ### Identify the Pressure Points We map the work, relationship, health, financial, and personal stressors that are keeping your system activated. ### Challenge the Inner Script Using CBT-informed tools, we examine negative self-talk, all-or-nothing thinking, pressure to perform, and the stories that keep you stuck. ### Build Calming Skills Mindfulness approaches, breathing skills, grounding exercises, and self-regulation tools can help you respond instead of react. ### Clarify What Needs to Change Sometimes anxiety is a signal that something in your life needs attention: boundaries, work rhythm, relationships, health habits, or direction. ### Create a Plan We turn insight into action with practical steps, homework when useful, and a plan you can actually use outside the session. ### Refer When Needed If your needs are outside my focus or my schedule is full, I can help point you toward quality referral options when appropriate. 🧘‍♂️ ## Mindfulness Approaches for Stress, Focus and Personal Change Mindfulness approaches can help you slow down, notice what is happening inside, and respond with more intention instead of reacting on autopilot. This does not mean pretending things are fine or trying to “empty your mind.” It means learning to observe stress, thoughts, body signals, urges, and emotions with enough distance to choose your next step. For many men, mindfulness-based work can support stress management, emotional regulation, confidence, habit change, and better decision-making. [Learn About Mindfulness →](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) Counseling, Coaching and Fees Counseling services are available only to clients who live in Illinois. Coaching may be different from counseling and is not billed the same way as therapy. If you are unsure which service is appropriate, the first step is to reach out and briefly describe what kind of support you are looking for. You can learn more about fees and service options here: [Guy Counseling fees](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). Lakeview Office ## Stress and Anxiety Counseling in Lakeview, Chicago My office is located in Chicago’s Lakeview area at 655 W. Irving Park Road, near Pine Grove Avenue. Many clients visit from nearby North Side neighborhoods as well as downtown and surrounding areas. Telehealth video sessions may also be available for Illinois residents through a HIPAA-compliant platform. ## You Don’t Have to Keep White-Knuckling It Stress and anxiety may still show up. The difference is learning how to understand them, respond differently, and stop carrying everything by yourself. Send a confidential message using the contact form or call **773.704.5300**. If I am able to help you, I will. If my schedule is full or your needs are better matched elsewhere, I can offer referral options when appropriate. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Virtual Online Counseling and Coaching for Men](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/) **Published:** July 5, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![man in virtual counseling session on laptop](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/virtual-online-therapy.jpg?ssl=1) ## Virtual Counseling and Online Coaching for Men Many men want support that’s practical, direct, affirming, and grounded in real life — not clinical jargon, not a lecture. Virtual counseling and online coaching can make that kind of support easier to access, especially if you’re balancing work, relationships, family responsibilities, school, or a schedule that doesn’t leave much room to spare. Guy Counseling works with men across different backgrounds, identities, and orientations. The focus is on helping you talk honestly, think clearly, and take practical steps toward change — wherever you happen to be logging in from. [Request an Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Why Men Choose Virtual Support For a lot of guys, the biggest barrier to getting support isn’t willingness — it’s logistics. A commute across the city, a lunch break that’s already spoken for, a schedule that shifts week to week. Virtual sessions remove that friction. Some men also find it easier to open up from a familiar space — their own office, their car during a break, their living room after the kids are asleep — rather than a waiting room. Neither format is inherently better; it’s about what actually gets you to show up consistently. ## What Virtual Sessions Can Help With ✦ Stress ✦ Anxiety ✦ Relationship concerns ✦ Confidence ✦ Life transitions ✦ Career pressure ✦ Motivation ✦ Emotional shutdown ✦ Communication problems ✦ Identity questions ✦ Personal growth ✦ Work-life balance ✦ Decision-making ✦ Dating concerns ## Counseling vs. Coaching — What’s the Difference? Counseling Clinical support for a specific concern. Available only to clients located in Illinois, subject to licensure and fit. Coaching Goal-focused, practical support. Available more broadly, including outside Illinois, depending on your situation. ## Illinois Therapy and Online Coaching Boundaries Licensed counseling and therapy services are available only to clients physically located in Illinois, in keeping with state licensure requirements. Online coaching is available more broadly, since it’s not a clinical or diagnostic service. If you’re outside Illinois and looking for clinical treatment, I’m happy to help point you toward an appropriate referral. ## What Sessions Are Like Virtual sessions take place through a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform — no special software to buy, just a link you click when it’s time to meet. From there, it works much like an in-person conversation: we talk through what’s going on, work toward the goals you’ve identified, and build a plan together. Session length, fees, and format can be discussed during the appointment request process, since they depend on your specific situation and goals. ## Why Work with Guy Counseling I specialize in working with men — not as a gimmick, but because the way men are taught to relate to their own emotions, careers, and relationships tends to follow real, recognizable patterns. That focus shapes how I listen and how I work, whether we’re meeting in my Chicago office or on a screen. You can read more about my background on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). A Practical Option for Busy Men If your week is already full and getting to an office isn’t realistic, virtual counseling or coaching may be the difference between getting support and putting it off indefinitely. It’s not a lesser option — for a lot of men, it’s simply the one that actually fits. [Request an Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Frequently Asked Questions Is virtual counseling the same as in-person counseling? It’s a different format for much of the same work. Many men find virtual sessions just as useful as in-person ones; others prefer meeting face to face. Either can be a good fit — it depends on you. Can I do online counseling if I live outside Illinois? Licensed counseling is limited to clients located in Illinois. If you’re elsewhere, online coaching may still be available, or I can help point you toward a licensed provider in your state. What is the difference between online counseling and coaching? Counseling is clinical support for a specific concern, limited to Illinois residents. Coaching is goal-focused and available more broadly, since it’s not a clinical service. Are virtual sessions private? Sessions take place on a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform. As with any virtual meeting, it’s worth choosing a private, quiet space on your end for the conversation. What kinds of issues can online coaching help with? Common areas include confidence, motivation, life direction, career pressure, communication, and personal growth — goal-focused work rather than clinical treatment. Do you work with gay, straight, and bisexual men? Yes. Guy Counseling works with men across different backgrounds, identities, and orientations. The focus throughout is the same — practical, grounded support. How do I request an appointment? Use the confidential [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) to reach out, and we’ll go from there. Is this a crisis service? No. If you’re in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately. Important Note This page is not a crisis service. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately. For general questions about services, visit the [counseling services hub](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/), browse [men’s counseling in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/), [men’s life coaching](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/), [stress and anxiety support](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/), or [CBT for men](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/). Full terms are available on the [disclaimer and disclosure](https://guycounseling.com/disclaimer-and-disclosure/) page. --- ### [Sports Hypnosis in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/sports-hypnosis-chicago/) **Published:** July 5, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![sports hypnosis and mental performance support in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/chicago-sports-hypnosis.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Sports Hypnosis and Mental Performance Support in Chicago Looking for sports hypnosis in Chicago? Trying to find support that helps you show up sharper on game day? If so, you’re not alone — many athletes use hypnosis as a way of training focus, the same way they’d train any other skill. On this page, you’ll find the basics of sports hypnosis, how sessions with me actually work, and how to get in touch. ## What Sports Hypnosis Is Sports hypnosis is a form of mental training. Hypnosis itself is best understood as a focused, relaxed learning state — not sleep, not a loss of control, and nothing like what you’d see performed on a stage. In that focused state, an athlete works on the mental side of performance the same way they’d work on a swing, a stroke, or a stance — through repetition and reinforcement, guided by someone trained to help them get there. ## Why Athletes Use Hypnosis This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it covers the main reasons athletes seek this kind of support: ✦ Reinforce specific performance goals ✦ Sharpen execution of plays or technique ✦ Ease nervousness during practice or competition ✦ Build relaxation and inner calm under pressure ✦ Learn to manage stress more effectively ✦ Increase concentration ✦ Quiet distracting or self-critical thoughts ✦ Increase motivation for the sport ✦ Improve body awareness ✦ Strengthen teamwork and leadership skills ✦ Reset mentally after a tough loss or setback ![sports hypnosis for athletes in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/body-builder-gym-athlete.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Sports hypnosis is mental training, not stage hypnosis. ## Common Performance Concerns Most athletes who reach out to me aren’t dealing with something dramatic — just the everyday friction that gets in the way of playing their best. Some common concerns include: • Nerves that show up right before a big game or event • Trouble staying focused under pressure • A confidence dip after a slump or setback • Motivation that comes and goes • A mind that won’t stop overthinking mid-competition ## Who This May Help Athletes from all kinds of sports around Chicago — professional, college, and recreational — use hypnosis as part of their mental training, including those who play: • Baseball • Football • Hockey • Soccer • Golf • Rowing • Tennis • Volleyball • Swimming • Running & sprinting • Gymnastics • Bodybuilding • Boxing ![mental training for athletes in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/back-muscle-beach-ocean.jpeg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## How Sessions Work Athletes often find their way to me through a referral — a coach, a sports psychologist, or another athlete. However you arrive, we’ll start with a conversation about your goals to see if it’s a good fit before scheduling an in-person appointment. Once we’re face to face, the work centers on teaching you skills that support concentration, focus, and performance. In most sessions, you’ll settle into a comfortable chair, put on headphones with ambient audio, and I’ll guide you through the session while you relax. Sessions typically run about an hour, with our first meeting running a bit longer so I can learn your background and goals in more depth. The Key Idea Here’s the thing worth understanding up front: hypnosis isn’t something done *to* you. You’re doing it *with* yourself, and I’m simply guiding the process. In a real sense, all hypnosis is self-hypnosis. That’s why homework is part of the process — often an audio track designed to help you focus, or a self-hypnosis technique to practice at home, both aimed at reinforcing mental rehearsal between sessions. ## About Dr. John’s Background I’m a licensed psychotherapist and a Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. I also teach health psychology at the college level. You can read more on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## Chicago Office and Virtual Options Sessions typically take place in person at my Chicago office, where the setting and audio equipment are set up specifically for this work. Depending on your situation, a secure video option may also be available — feel free to ask when we first connect. [Request an Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Frequently Asked Questions Is sports hypnosis the same as stage hypnosis? No. Stage hypnosis is entertainment. Sports hypnosis is a focused, relaxed learning state used for mental training — there’s no loss of control, no theatrics, and you remain aware throughout. Can hypnosis help athletes improve focus? Many athletes find that hypnosis supports better focus and concentration when combined with regular training. It’s best thought of as one tool in a broader mental-training toolkit, not a standalone fix. Do I lose control during hypnosis? No. You’re aware and in control throughout the session. Hypnosis is closer to a deeply focused, relaxed state than anything resembling sleep or unconsciousness. How many sessions do athletes usually need? It varies by person and goal. Some clients see benefit from as few as three sessions; others work with me for six to ten. Many also return periodically for what athletes often call “tune-up” sessions. Can sports hypnosis help with game-day nerves? Many athletes use hypnosis-based techniques to help manage pre-competition nerves and build a steadier game-day mindset. Results vary from person to person, and it works best alongside your existing training and preparation. Do you work with professional and recreational athletes? Yes. I work with athletes across the full range — professional, college, and recreational — across many different sports. Is sports hypnosis a replacement for coaching or medical care? No. Sports hypnosis is a mental-training tool meant to work alongside your coaching, physical training, and medical care — not in place of any of them. If you’re dealing with an injury or a medical concern, please see the appropriate physician or specialist. Scope of Practice My work here focuses on training clients in self-hypnosis methods that [research](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2000.10404267) suggests can offer certain mental and physical benefits. It is not a substitute for coaching, medical care, or psychiatric treatment, and it does not diagnose or treat any medical condition. If you’d like to learn more about how hypnosis works generally, visit the full [hypnosis FAQ page](https://guycounseling.com/what-is-hypnosis-hypnotherapy/). If stress or anxiety is the bigger issue behind your performance concerns, my [stress and anxiety support page](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/), [mindfulness coaching page](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/), or [life coaching page](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) may be a better starting point. For general questions, my [counseling services hub](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) covers the full range of what I offer. Ready to talk through your goals? Reach out through my confidential [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). [Request an Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Men’s Counseling and Life Coaching in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/counseling-services/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago # Men’s Counseling and Life Coaching in Chicago A bridge to change for men who feel stuck, stressed, anxious, or ready for something different. I’m Dr. John Moore, a Lakeview therapist and life coach who helps men work through stress, confidence issues, relationship concerns, life transitions, and the patterns that keep them from moving forward. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Chicago-Based Men-Focused Practical Change Confidential & Affirming ✦ Counseling ✦ Life Coaching ✦ CBT & ACT ✦ Mindfulness Approaches ✦ Practical Change Solution-Focused Counseling & Coaching ## A Practical Place to Start Men often come to counseling or coaching when something is not working anymore. Maybe anxiety is getting louder. Maybe confidence has taken a hit. Maybe a relationship, career issue, or life transition has left you feeling stuck. The work here is direct, collaborative, and grounded in practical change. Together, we look at what is getting in the way, identify what needs to shift, and build a realistic plan for moving forward. Who This Is For ## Men Who Are Ready to Make a Change 🧭 ### Feeling Stuck You may know something needs to change, but you are not sure where to start or how to get traction. ⚙️ ### Under Pressure Stress, anxiety, work pressure, or relationship strain may be making it harder to feel steady and focused. 🔥 ### Ready for Growth You may not be in crisis. You may simply want more confidence, direction, discipline, and clarity. ![masculine strength](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/eagle.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) How I Can Help ## Areas of Focus ⚡ ### [Stress, Anxiety & Focus](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/) Practical support for stress, worry, pressure, panic, and the mental noise that can make it hard to feel steady and in control. [Stress & Anxiety Support →](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/) 🎯 ### [Practical Therapy Tools](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) Using elements of CBT and ACT, the work focuses on thoughts, behavior patterns, values, choices, and the skills needed for real change. [CBT & ACT Tools →](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/) 🧘 ### [Mindfulness Approaches](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) Mindfulness-based tools can help with stress, focus, emotional regulation, confidence, and habit change by helping you respond instead of react. [Mindfulness Coaching →](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) 🔄 ### [Trauma-Informed Support](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapist-chicago-lakeview/) Support for difficult memories, emotional triggers, and experiences that still feel active in the present, including EMDR when appropriate. [EMDR & Trauma Support →](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapy-for-men/) 🛡️ ### [Men’s Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/) A practical space for men to work through confidence, identity, stress, relationships, life direction, and the pressure to keep everything together. [Men’s Counseling →](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/) 🗺️ ### [Life Coaching & Personal Growth](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) Goal-focused support for men who want more direction, discipline, confidence, career clarity, or a step-by-step plan for what comes next. [Life Coaching →](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) ![mindfulness approaches for men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/moon-moutain.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) 🧘 Mindfulness-Based Change ## Mindfulness Approaches for Stress, Focus & Personal Change Mindfulness approaches can help you slow down, notice what is happening inside, and respond with more intention instead of reacting on autopilot. In counseling and coaching, mindfulness may be used to support stress management, anxiety reduction, confidence, emotional regulation, habit change, and better decision-making. The goal is not to empty your mind or become someone else. The goal is to become more aware, more grounded, and more able to choose your next step. [Learn About Mindfulness →](https://guycounseling.com/mindfulness-coach-chicago/) A Full Picture ## Areas I Help Men Change and Grow The work is practical and focused. These are some of the common themes men bring into counseling and coaching. ### Stress, Anxiety & Emotional Health ✦ [Anxiety and stress](https://guycounseling.com/anxiety-therapist-in-chicago-for-stress/) ✦ [Panic, fear, and phobias](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-phobias-anxiety-stress/) ✦ Negative thinking ✦ Performance anxiety ✦ Job-related stress ✦ [Health anxiety and fear](https://guycounseling.com/health-anxiety-therapist-chicago/) ### Confidence, Identity & Growth ✦ [Self-esteem and confidence](https://guycounseling.com/confident-man-10-steps-to-higher-self-esteem/) ✦ Men’s issues ✦ Masculinity challenges ✦ Feeling stuck and misunderstood ✦ [Life transitions](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-transition-counseling-services/) ✦ Habit control and self-discipline ### Relationships, Career & Direction ✦ Relationship issues ✦ Coping with breakups and divorce ✦ Career challenges and transitions ✦ [College stress](https://guycounseling.com/therapist-college-students-chicago/) ✦ [Sports and performance](https://guycounseling.com/sports-athletic-counseling-for-peak-performance-chicago/) ✦ [LGBTQ+ affirming support for men](https://guycounseling.com/gay-therapy-counseling-coaching-for-gay-men/) ![men's counseling in chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/goatee-beard.jpg?ssl=1) ## Men’s Issues Are My Specialty I specialize in helping men work through stress, anxiety, confidence issues, relationship concerns, life transitions, and the pressure to keep everything together. The work may include CBT, ACT, mindfulness-based tools, guided imagery, EMDR, and practical skill-building. While men’s issues are a major focus, I also work with women and people from many different walks of life. You can learn more about my background and [credentials here](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). Counseling, Coaching & Fees ## Know the Difference Before You Reach Out Counseling is clinical therapy and is available only to clients who live in Illinois. Coaching is goal-focused, self-pay, and not covered by insurance. The fees page explains the difference, including when insurance may apply and when services are self-pay. [View Fees & Service Differences →](https://guycounseling.com/fees/) Beyond the Office ## A National Men’s Mental Health Resource Guy Counseling is also a national men’s mental health and self-improvement website, with articles on relationships, confidence, stress, personal growth, grooming, lifestyle, and practical psychology for men. [Read the Blog →](https://guycounseling.com/) Ready to Start Building Your Bridge to Change? [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Find Me ## Lakeview, Chicago Office **655 W. Irving Park Rd #5603** Chicago, IL 60613 **Phone:** [773.704.5300](tel:7737045300) Click here to learn about my [fees](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). For any other questions, please use this [contact page](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). \*If you are experiencing an emergency or in crisis, call 911 immediately or go to your nearest emergency room. --- ### [About Dr. John D. Moore](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Founder · Guy Counseling · Chicago ## Dr. John D. Moore Founder of Guy Counseling, with a background in psychology, counseling, coaching, teaching, media, organizational leadership, and men’s wellness. ![Dr. John D. Moore](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/john-shirt-tie.jpg?ssl=1) Professional Background ✦ Ph.D. in Psychology ✦ MBA, Healthcare Management ✦ Master’s in Clinical Mental Health ✦ Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor ✦ Board-Certified Drug & Alcohol Counselor ✦ National Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist ✦ Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, EMDR-Trained ◆ ## About Dr. Moore Dr. John D. Moore is the founder of [Guy Counseling](https://guycounseling.com/), a men’s wellness and personal growth resource focused on psychology, relationships, mental health, coaching, self-improvement, and better living. His work draws from counseling, coaching, teaching, organizational leadership, media, and applied psychology. Across these areas, his focus has remained consistent: helping people understand themselves more clearly, make healthier choices, and move through life with greater confidence and intention. ## Training and Experience Dr. Moore holds a Ph.D. in Psychology from the School of Behavioral Science at Northcentral University, a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health from the University of the Cumberlands, and an MBA with a concentration in Healthcare Management from the Indiana Institute of Technology. He is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, Certified Drug & Alcohol Counselor, National Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, and Approved Clinical Supervisor through the Center for Credentialing & Education. He is also a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional with training in EMDR. His professional training includes cognitive therapy approaches through the Beck Institute. He is a full member of the Association for Behavioral & Cognitive Therapies and an associate member of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis. Additional training includes meditation instruction, anxiety and fear-related education, HeartMath, Emotional Freedom Technique, and other wellness-oriented approaches that inform his broader work in counseling, coaching, stress management, and personal development. Earlier in his career, Dr. Moore worked in case management and counseling roles at Chicago House & Social Services and Alexian Brothers Health Systems, collaborating with interdisciplinary teams of social workers, counselors, and psychologists to provide wellness services to individuals and groups. ![Guy Counseling mountain emblem](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/moutain.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## Corporate and Organizational Experience Before transitioning into the healthcare field, Dr. Moore worked in management, marketing, and sales roles for well-known organizations including American Airlines, the American Bar Association, and SPSS, a subsidiary of IBM. He has provided consulting services throughout the corporate and non-profit sectors, including work with employees of JPMorgan Chase, Starbucks, Boeing, and Goldman Sachs. His background also includes assisting members of the U.S. Armed Forces, first responders, and their families. ## Teaching and Workshops Apart from his counseling and corporate experience, Dr. Moore is a faculty member at American Military University, where he teaches courses connected to health sciences, communication, stress management, organizational leadership, and human behavior. He has presented at national conferences with the Association of the U.S. Army and the Association of the U.S. Air Force on topics related to long-term deployments and stress. He has also led workshops on PTSD at institutions including the Park University Warrior Center. He is a two-time recipient of the Excellence in Teaching Award at American Military University. ## Articles, Books, and Published Work Dr. Moore has written on mental health, relationships, wellness, men’s issues, personal growth, and emotional health for a range of national and syndicated outlets. ✦ Men’s Health ✦ Cosmo ✦ [Fatherly](https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/big-dick-energy-important-meme-pete-davidson/) ✦ The Wall Street Journal ✦ [Chicago Tribune](http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2014-04-23/features/ct-conted-0501-half-balance-20140423_1_moore-schoolwork-student-studies) ✦ Advocate Magazine ✦ [Elite Daily](https://www.elitedaily.com/p/the-psychology-behind-breakup-sex-explains-why-it-feels-super-hot-17031372) ✦ [Bustle](https://www.bustle.com/p/these-8-gestures-can-help-you-be-more-engaging-in-almost-any-situation-17020501) ✦ [Vice](https://www.vice.com/en/article/epd8mn/what-is-an-empath-real) He is the sole author of *Confusing Love with Obsession: When Being in Love Means Being in Control* and created the Obsessive Love Wheel, a model illustrating obsessive relational progression in romantic relationships. He has also written for Psych Central, including the *Reaching Life Goals* blog. Featured and Quoted ## Media Recognition Dr. Moore has been quoted on topics related to mental and physical health in nationally syndicated print and electronic media, including the LA Times, [MarketWatch](https://www.marketwatch.com/story/landing-a-job-wont-solve-all-your-problems-2010-03-10), [Billboard](https://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/7873846/r-kelly-cult-allegations-why-fans-join-experts), WebMD, Men’s Health, Cosmo, and National Public Radio. ## Professional Memberships ✦ American Counseling Association ✦ National Career Development Association ✦ Illinois Mental Health Counseling Association ✦ Illinois Counseling Association ✦ Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies ✦ Association for Counselor Education and Supervision ✦ National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists ✦ American Society of Clinical Hypnosis ## Counseling and Coaching Through Guy Counseling Guy Counseling offers a practical, grounded approach to personal growth, men’s wellness, counseling, coaching, and emotional health. ### Men’s Counseling Support for men navigating stress, relationships, identity, confidence, and emotional health. [Learn More →](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/) ### Life Coaching Coaching for men focused on direction, habits, discipline, self-confidence, and better living. [Learn More →](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) ### Executive Coaching Coaching for leadership, work pressure, decision-making, communication, and personal effectiveness. [Learn More →](https://guycounseling.com/executive-leadership-coach-for-men/) Begin the Conversation ## Interested in Counseling or Coaching? Use the confidential contact form to ask about availability or learn more about services through Guy Counseling. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Fees](https://guycounseling.com/fees/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago ## Men’s Counseling & Coaching Fees At Guy Counseling, the fees are clear, straightforward and simple. Nothing is hidden, so there’s no need to hunt around the website to find out what counseling and guidance might cost. What you see under fees is exactly what you will pay. ![growth and change](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/green-plant-of-change.jpg?ssl=1) ## Counseling vs. Coaching — What’s the Difference? This matters for your wallet, not just semantics — the two are billed differently. Here’s the plain-language breakdown before you look at numbers. Counseling Clinical treatment for a specific concern — anxiety, trauma, depression, and the like. This is therapy in the traditional sense. **Insurance-eligible.** If you live in Illinois and I am paneled with your plan, your visit may be covered. I can only provide clinical counseling services to clients who live in the state of Illinois. Coaching Goal-focused work — think “I want to be more confident” or “I want to advance in my career.” We’re not treating anything; we’re building toward something. **Not insurance-eligible.** Coaching is always self-pay, at the standard rates below. Remember, coaching is not covered or reimbursable by your insurance. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Self-Pay Rates These rates apply whether you’re paying out of pocket for counseling, or for coaching (which is always self-pay). 1\. Guy Consult $175.00 / 60-minute session ✦ Ideal for most situations, allowing time to find solutions ✦ Helpful to people who need incremental support ✦ Works well for weekly scheduling 2\. Major Guy Consult $300.00 / 90-minute session ✦ Great choice for more complex, involved life challenges ✦ Helpful for people at a critical life point who need guidance ✦ Good choice for busy people who need to schedule in blocks ## Using Insurance for Counseling Counseling Only — Not Applicable to Coaching I am paneled with Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO and Aetna PPO. If you are coming to the office to see me for face-to-face counseling or telehealth (video sessions), your visit may be covered. When I’m paneled with your plan, I’m required to charge the contracted, negotiated rate — this varies by carrier, so there isn’t a single flat number to list here. Benefits will need to be verified in advance. Coaching services are not covered by insurance, regardless of carrier. I encourage clients to contact the member services number on the back of their insurance card to find out what behavioral health benefits may be available. Be sure to ask if you have a deductible and whether your plan requires a co-pay. I will honor the contracted rate for counseling services with either carrier. If I’m not on your insurance program, I can provide you a receipt for possible reimbursement. If you’re a member of a Health Savings Plan (HSA) through your employer, I’m happy to provide a receipt for that as well. ## Appointment Policy Once you book an appointment, please give 24 hours advance notice to cancel or reschedule, or you will be charged for the time scheduled. Payment for your session is expected at the time services are rendered. Use this [contact form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) if you have questions. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Life Coach FAQs](https://guycounseling.com/life-coach-faqs/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago · Virtual ## Life Coaching FAQs Everything you need to know about how life coaching works, what it costs, and whether it’s the right fit for you. ## What Is a Life Coach? A life coach is a professional who assists clients in reaching professional and personal goals. Examples include finding that special someone, career changes, starting a business, getting into shape, or gaining greater self-confidence. There are times when people are unclear on what they want, but they know they need to create change. Life coaching offers an opportunity to gain the insight of a professional on the best way to proceed. What’s more, life coaching provides an accountability partner as part of the transformation process. ![life coach chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/wolf-circle.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## What’s Life Coaching About? While many people promise “instant results,” Guy Counseling & Life Coaching knows better than to guarantee quick fixes. The process of coaching employs the basic principles of positive psychology, focused on the here and now, to empower clients to create lasting, meaningful change. Just as it takes time to sculpt a physique into something to be proud of, a life coach helps clients build mental muscle in a similar way. By challenging self-limiting thoughts that act as a barrier to reaching your full potential, you’re able to gradually develop the strength to live a more meaningful, fulfilling life. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## What Can Life Coaching Be Used For? The list of areas life coaching can help with is too long to fully publish on one page. Some of the major, thematic areas life coaching has helped my clients with include: ✦ Career direction and changes ✦ Starting a business ✦ Growing a business ✦ Money mindset and growth ✦ Weight loss and energy ✦ Development of healthy habits ✦ Dating and relationships ✦ Greater communication skills ✦ Stronger self-esteem and growth ✦ Greater confidence ✦ Strength training & bodybuilding ✦ Assertiveness skills ## How Do You Help Clients? The life coaching services I offer are designed to supercharge your own unique path. I help you better understand what excites you, what brings meaning to your life, and what things may be holding you back — using components of a cognitive behavioral approach known as ACT. Together we create a personalized plan of action to propel you forward and keep you on track to goal attainment. As part of the coaching process, I provide support, guidance, tools and feedback — accountability is a large part of the dynamic. Time and again, research demonstrates that people are far more likely to reach a goal when they’re accountable for the results. To me, coaching is a valuable, synergistic partnership that’s solution-focused and goal-oriented. By combining intuition and perception with proven life coaching techniques, I help you shift your thoughts and awareness, connecting you to a deeper sense of purpose — and by modeling behavior and inspiring you to reach for your dreams, change becomes the conduit to a new reality. ## What Is Your Background? I hold a doctorate in Psychology from Northcentral University and an MBA from the Indiana Institute of Technology, along with advanced training in human behavior and wellness promotion. I received my professional coach training and certification from the Academy of Coaching and Training, an education program accredited by the Association for Coaching. I’m board-certified in drug and alcohol counseling, a certified clinical hypnotherapist, and a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor. For a good part of my career, I worked in the corporate sector, holding positions at Fortune 500 companies and major non-profits, including IBM, American Airlines, and the American Bar Association. You can read about my entire background on my [bio page](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/). ## What Happens During a Life Coaching Session? We spend time exploring your current situation and clarifying your vision. I ask questions as part of the process to challenge assumptions, stimulate your own insight, and explore potential options. As part of the dynamic, I incorporate various exercises, including guided imagery and meditation, to help encourage a state of mindfulness. To reinforce important learning concepts and amplify the positive, I offer clients the option of non-clinical, non-therapeutic guided imagery as part of coaching — an approach that borrows from the world of mindfulness. Once your goals and anticipated milestones are recorded through collaboration, you commit to specific steps of action before we meet again — think of this as a kind of homework assignment. Together, we review your progress and make adjustments until you’ve reached a place of goal attainment. ## How Much Do You Charge for Life Coaching? Unlike some places that don’t publish their fees, Guy Counseling is upfront. Life coaching is always self-pay, at the same standard rates used across all self-pay services: $175.00 per 60-minute session $300.00 per 90-minute session — a popular choice at the start of the coaching relationship Most clients find that one session a week over a four-week period gives them the momentum to get the change process moving. You can learn more about costs on the [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). Nothing is hidden. ## How Is Life Coaching Different From Therapy? Goal-Focused, Not Treatment Life coaching is action-oriented and starts from the assumption that the client is well. In therapy (aka psychotherapy), a person is typically being “treated” for a given mental health issue, such as depression or anxiety. Life coaching, however, is not designed to clinically “treat” anything. Instead, coaching employs cognitive behavioral approaches, coupled with mindfulness, to motivate and transform thinking and behavior. At Guy Counseling, we’re straightforward about this. If you need a traditional therapist for mental health treatment, I’m happy to provide a referral to someone in your area. Life coaching is not a substitute for medical or psychological help. ## Is Life Coaching Covered by Insurance? The simple answer is no. Insurance is designed to pay for the treatment of a medical or mental health condition. In life coaching, nothing is being treated. ![life coaching chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/wolf-circle.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## Where Does Life Coaching Take Place? My Chicago-based clients will often meet with me at my office. Because many of the people I work with are located throughout the United States and the world, video sessions through SimplePractice, a secure HIPAA-compliant platform, and telephone are used as alternative meeting modalities. ## Who Do You Work With? I started coaching over 10 years ago, and I’ve worked with clients from all walks of life — from Fortune 500 executives to Broadway dancers to small business owners, entrepreneurs, attorneys, creative professionals and corporate leaders. I work a lot with men and women in their 30s, 40s and 50s, helping them make smarter, wiser career choices. Many of my clients self-identify as introverts seeking to live a more authentic life and move away from doing “the same old, same old.” They’re looking to break out of their shells and embrace life differently. Typically, clients who seek out my services are committed to their personal growth. They’re open to new ways of thinking and ready to invest time, energy and resources while achieving desired results. To keep it real — I only work with clients who want to take the next steps in their lives. This change is possible through interactive dialogue, goal setting and collaboration. Are you ready to make a commitment to personal change? ## Ready to Schedule a Life Coaching Appointment? Click below to visit the contact page. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [FAQs](https://guycounseling.com/faqs/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago ## Frequently Asked Questions Answers to the questions I hear most often about counseling, sessions, confidentiality, and what to expect. ## How long is a typical session, and how many times a week should I see a therapist? Sessions are usually 50 minutes. Most clients see me once or twice a week in the beginning, and less frequently as time goes on. The number of sessions depends on your current needs — together we’ll develop a plan that works for you while allowing you to keep important life obligations. This can be discussed during your initial session. ## How long should I be in counseling? The length of time a client is in counseling largely depends on the nature of the problem and the identified goals. Some clients have a very specific problem that can be worked through in a course of brief counseling. Others see counseling as an ongoing learning process and choose to be involved in therapy for a longer period. ## Do you have a particular theoretical approach to counseling? My primary orientation is cognitive behavioral (CBT). I take an overall eclectic approach to the therapeutic process and am often interactive. Because I believe therapy doesn’t stop once you leave the office, I may provide you a homework assignment to encourage insight and growth. ## What is Cognitive Behavior Therapy? CBT is an approach that primarily focuses on “the here and now.” It focuses on identifying thought patterns that may be irrational and exploring new ways of thinking. One of the premises of cognitive therapy is that how a person thinks has a great deal to do with how a person feels. ## Are Counseling Sessions Confidential? Confidentiality & Illinois Law Our counseling sessions will be confidential within the confines of the law. Confidentiality is a **critical** part of the therapeutic process — to make the most progress possible, it’s essential that you can trust your therapist and feel comfortable freely talking about the most intimate and personal parts of your life, without concern that those details will be revealed to anyone else. Illinois law provides that the rule of confidentiality can only be broken in the most extreme circumstances — for example, if a person is currently involved in acts of child abuse, if you are clearly likely to cause bodily harm to yourself or others, or if you waive your right to confidentiality in writing. During our initial session, you’ll be provided specific information about confidentiality in what’s commonly referred to as an Informed Consent Form, along with information regarding HIPAA (the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). ## What Should I Know About Email Communications — Including Confidentiality? Please Read My email program employs encryption technology via SSL. Be advised, however, that the confidentiality of email has limitations and cannot be guaranteed. **Do not use email during a crisis.** In the case of a medical emergency, call 911 or your local emergency response number immediately. ## What is the First Session Like? The first session is a chance for us to become acquainted, and for me to learn about your background and history. I’ll usually ask more questions than usual during this session so I can gain some perspective on whatever problems or issues you want to address. My goal is to offer you a warm, gentle environment that promotes sharing. An oasis of relaxation greets you in the lobby area, where you can enjoy complimentary beverages and light snacks, connect to WiFi, and unwind to soothing music while you wait for your appointment. ## Do You Offer Telephone or Video Consultations? Telephone or video consultations may be available to you, provided that this means of communication is compatible with your needs and particular situation. Video sessions take place through SimplePractice, a secure, HIPAA-compliant telehealth platform. Please note that these types of consultations are for guidance purposes only. ## How Much Are Your Fees, and Do You Take Insurance? Your fee will depend on what kind of services you request. You can learn more about the insurance I accept, my fees, payment methods, and general payment policy by visiting my [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). ## Should I Take Medications? As a therapist, I am not legally allowed to prescribe medications. However, based on a joint assessment of the problems you’re facing, it may be advisable to consult with a psychiatrist to determine whether medication is warranted. Typically, clients see someone under their health insurance coverage, or I can refer you to a psychiatrist. If you do begin taking medication, I will, with your written permission, collaborate with your psychiatrist to design a plan of treatment most appropriate for you. ## Do You Have a Cancellation Policy? Because I block off one hour to meet with clients, and because of my schedule, I require 24 hours notice to cancel an appointment. If I’m not provided 24 hours notice, my policy is to charge for the missed appointment at the full fee. Emergency situations, however, are taken into consideration. What Should I Do In an Emergency? If you are concerned you might harm yourself or someone else, call 911 immediately or go to your local emergency room. ## Still Have Questions? I’m happy to answer anything I haven’t covered here. Reach out through my confidential contact form. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [Hypnotherapy - A Closer Look](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-in-chicago-for-stress-and-anxiety/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago ## Hypnosis for Anxiety, Sleep, Confidence and Pain Are you considering hypnotherapy in Chicago for help with anxiety, sleep problems, confidence building or pain management? Wondering how hypnotherapy might benefit your situation? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) Many of the clients I work with are curious about [hypnosis](https://guycounseling.com/hypnotherapy-anxiety-1129/) because they’ve heard that it can be helpful. I’ll tell you what I tell them: when combined with different forms of therapy, hypnosis can be a powerful tool that can be used to create lasting change. In truth, hypnotherapy is a natural approach to healing that’s focused on the here and now. At all times, you are completely aware of what’s going on around you and in complete control. Further down this page, I’ll give you a link with more information on hypnosis. But first, let’s look at how hypnotherapy may be able to help with each of the areas mentioned above. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ![hypnosis in chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/flying-fears-chicago.jpg?ssl=1) ## Hypnotherapy for Anxiety A powerful advantage of combining hypnotherapy with other forms of therapy, like [cognitive behavioral therapy](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/) (CBT), is that hypnosis helps to reinforce learning concepts. Depending on your unique situation, CBT and hypnotherapy may benefit you by: ✦ Helping you to feel more relaxed ✦ Teaching you how to identify irrational thoughts and replace them with healthier ones ✦ Increasing confidence around [public speaking fears](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-speaking-fears-chicago/) ✦ Softening the impact of anxiety-causing triggers ✦ Working through [phobias and fears](https://guycounseling.com/hypnosis-phobias-anxiety-stress/) ✦ Encouraging you to stay centered in the here and now ## Hypnotherapy for Sleep If you’re struggling with sleep problems, it’s only natural to wonder if hypnotherapy might help. Let’s face it — there’s nothing worse than not getting enough rest. So, does it work? Here’s the real deal — for lots of people, it absolutely has. But there are some folks it hasn’t. Much depends on the person’s unique situation and history. The Research The clinical [research](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0965229915001247) tells us that when combined with other approaches, hypnosis has the best chance of working — here, referring to stress reduction, physical activity, and healthier eating. Hypnotherapy for sleep problems may help you: ✦ Learn how to identify stimuli that cause restlessness ✦ Create a new routine that encourages your body clock to become tired naturally ✦ Develop sleep-inducing strategies to counter what may be causing you to stay awake ![hypnotherapist chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/moon-moutain.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) ## Hypnotherapy for Pain For many people, physical pain seriously limits their quality of life. This is particularly true if you’re coping with an injury, healing from a surgery, or dealing with a lifelong ailment. The Research The current [body of evidence](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00207140008410045) suggests that hypnotherapy has helped some people cope with pain better. Often referred to as medical hypnotherapy, pain-focused hypnosis is a natural approach that calls upon the power of suggestion to create change. Obviously, a lot depends on your unique situation. That said, the clinical research suggests that when combined with other coping strategies, hypnotherapy may: ✦ Soften the intensity of [pain](https://guycounseling.com/pain-management-in-chicago-with-hypnotherapy/) ✦ Teach you to be aware of pain but not severely limited by it ✦ Create mindfulness around activities that may cause or exacerbate pain ✦ Learn natural coping skills through [medical hypnotherapy](https://guycounseling.com/therapeutic-hypnosis-chicago/) ## Hypnotherapy for Confidence Building One of the best things about hypnotherapy, in conjunction with here-and-now focused approaches like CBT, is its potential to help build confidence. Examples include strengthening your self-concept while helping you develop a healthier self-dialogue. The Research Several [lines of research](https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2004.10403613) suggest that the use of hypnosis may help: ✦ Reinforce positive self-messaging ✦ Counter negative self-talk ✦ Increase confidence for public speaking, dating, and being in groups of people ![phobias, anxiety, panic therapist in chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/bridge-changes.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) ## Additional Thoughts As a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist, I’ve seen many people benefit from the use of hypnosis as part of a total plan for wellness. Does this mean hypnotherapy is guaranteed to work? The answer to that question is no, and anyone who suggests otherwise isn’t being straight with you. But what I can tell you is that alternative approaches have their best chance at succeeding when a person becomes an active participant in the process. An example might be wanting to increase self-esteem — hypnosis alone probably won’t get you to where you want to be. But when you combine counseling with other activities, like exercise, you’re far more likely to see the results you desire. If you’re interested in learning more about how hypnotherapy may help you, visit this [hypnotherapy Chicago FAQ](https://guycounseling.com/chicago-hypnotherapy-faq/) page. Bear in mind that hypnotherapy isn’t therapy in and of itself — instead, it’s a tool of therapy that’s designed to facilitate change. ## Hypnotherapy for Stress and Anxiety Want to learn more about mindful approaches to wellness, including self-hypnosis and meditation? Be sure to read Guy Counseling’s extensive [FAQ page](https://guycounseling.com/chicago-hypnotherapy-faq/) on hypnosis. Should you have any questions about my services, feel free to reach out through this confidential online [form](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/). [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ### [5 Best Psychological & Neuropsychological Testing Providers in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/neuropsychological-testing/) **Published:** June 21, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** ![A warm, modern executive consultation office featuring dark built-in bookshelves, comfortable seating, and ample natural light, representing a professional psychological testing space in Chicago.](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/best-neuropsychological-testing-chicago.jpg?resize=1280%2C450&ssl=1) Table of Contents Toggle - [Top 5 Psychological & Neuropsychological Testing Providers in Chicago](#Top_5_Psychological_Neuropsychological_Testing_Providers_in_Chicago) - [What to Expect: The Testing Process, Step by Step](#What_to_Expect_The_Testing_Process_Step_by_Step) - [1. Clinical Intake & History (Session 1: 50–90 minutes)](#1_Clinical_Intake_History_Session_1_50%E2%80%9390_minutes) - [2. Testing Administration (Session 2: 2–6 hours)](#2_Testing_Administration_Session_2_2%E2%80%936_hours) - [3. Scoring & Interpretation (Behind the Scenes)](#3_Scoring_Interpretation_Behind_the_Scenes) - [4. Feedback Session (Session 3: ~50 minutes)](#4_Feedback_Session_Session_3_50_minutes) - [Insurance and Cost: What to Know Before You Book](#Insurance_and_Cost_What_to_Know_Before_You_Book) - [Explainer Video Overview](#Explainer_Video_Overview) - [Best Psychological & Neuropsychological Testing Providers in Chicago](#Best_Psychological_Neuropsychological_Testing_Providers_in_Chicago) - [1. Greg Harms, PsyD — Best for Adult ADHD, Memory & Diagnostic Clarification](#1_Greg_Harms_PsyD_%E2%80%94_Best_for_Adult_ADHD_Memory_Diagnostic_Clarification) - [2. Elizabeth M. Pieroth, PsyD, ABPP, MPH — Best for Concussion, TBI & Complex Medical Neuropsychology](#2_Elizabeth_M_Pieroth_PsyD_ABPP_MPH_%E2%80%94_Best_for_Concussion_TBI_Complex_Medical_Neuropsychology) - [3. Ari Goldstein, PhD — Best for Learning Disabilities & Executive Functioning (Kids Through Adults)](#3_Ari_Goldstein_PhD_%E2%80%94_Best_for_Learning_Disabilities_Executive_Functioning_Kids_Through_Adults) - [4. Nicole Quintero, PhD, BCBA-D — Best for Autism & Developmental-Behavioral Evaluations](#4_Nicole_Quintero_PhD_BCBA-D_%E2%80%94_Best_for_Autism_Developmental-Behavioral_Evaluations) - [5. Matthew Hefferon, PsyD — Best for Kids, Teens & College Students (Testing + Family Therapy Under One Roof)](#5_Matthew_Hefferon_PsyD_%E2%80%94_Best_for_Kids_Teens_College_Students_Testing_Family_Therapy_Under_One_Roof) ## Top 5 Psychological & Neuropsychological Testing Providers in Chicago Looking for **psychological or neuropsychological testing in Chicago**? Whether you need diagnostic clarity for adult ADHD, a memory or cognitive decline evaluation, learning disability testing for a child, or a second opinion when a previous diagnosis didn’t quite fit — the right evaluation depends on finding the right specialist for your specific situation. At Guy Counseling Chicago, we get a steady stream of requests from clients looking for testing referrals. Rather than answer the same question over and over, we put together this list of psychologists and practices we’d actually recommend, based on client and parent feedback from across the Chicagoland area. None of the providers listed on this page have paid to be here, and we don’t accept solicitations for inclusion. A quick note before the list: “neuropsychological testing” and “psychological assessment” get used somewhat interchangeably, but they’re not identical. Neuropsychological testing is a deeper dive into brain-behavior relationships — often used for memory loss, traumatic brain injury, or neurological conditions. Psychological assessment is the broader umbrella, covering things like ADHD testing, learning disabilities, and diagnostic clarification for mood or personality concerns. The providers below cover both, and we’ve noted which is which. Be sure to check out the explainer video as part of this page! ## What to Expect: The Testing Process, Step by Step One of the biggest sources of anxiety around testing is simply not knowing what’s going to happen. While the specifics vary by provider and the type of evaluation, most psychological and neuropsychological assessments in Chicago follow a similar four-step arc: A four-stage flowchart showing the testing process: clinical intake and history, testing administration, scoring and interpretation, and feedback session. ![ertical flowchart diagram showing the 4-step adult clinical psychological assessment process in Chicago from intake to feedback psychological assessment ](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/psychological-assessments-what-to-expect-in-chicago.jpg?resize=868%2C645&ssl=1)Four Steps in Psychological Assessments ### 1. Clinical Intake & History (Session 1: 50–90 minutes) A deep-dive interview covering your developmental, medical, academic, and psychiatric history. This is where the psychologist maps out exactly which tests are needed to answer your specific question. ### 2. Testing Administration (Session 2: 2–6 hours) Face-to-face testing using standardized measures to evaluate intelligence, executive functioning, memory, attention, and — depending on the referral question — personality and emotional functioning. Longer batteries are sometimes split across multiple sessions. ### 3. Scoring & Interpretation (Behind the Scenes) The psychologist scores your results, compares performance against age- and education-adjusted norms, and synthesizes everything into a comprehensive written report. ### 4. Feedback Session (Session 3: ~50 minutes) A collaborative meeting where you walk through the findings together, discuss what they mean in plain language, and talk through next steps — whether that’s treatment, school or workplace accommodations, or simply a clearer picture of how your brain works. ## Insurance and Cost: What to Know Before You Book Testing is one of the more expensive corners of mental health care, and coverage varies a lot from plan to plan and provider to provider. A few things worth knowing going in: - **Coverage varies widely.** Some practices are in-network with specific insurers and will bill directly; others are out-of-network and provide a superbill for you to submit yourself. Always confirm directly with the practice before scheduling. - **Pre-authorization is common.** Many insurance plans require prior authorization for neuropsychological testing specifically, which can add time to the front end of the process. - **A physician referral may be required.** This depends on your insurance plan and the type of evaluation — some plans require it, others don’t. - **Ask for a cost estimate up front.** Because fees depend heavily on the length and type of battery administered, a reputable provider should be able to walk you through expected out-of-pocket costs before testing begins. We’re not able to quote specific rates here since they change and vary by provider — but any practice on this list should be able to give you a clear answer when you call. ### Explainer Video Overview The upcoming explainer video provides a concise and engaging walkthrough of the core services and digital properties, ensuring a clear understanding for the target audience. By utilizing high-quality visuals and a focused narrative, the video effectively communicates the unique value proposition and guides viewers seamlessly through the essential features ## Best Psychological & Neuropsychological Testing Providers in Chicago ### 1. Greg Harms, PsyD — Best for Adult ADHD, Memory & Diagnostic Clarification **Best for:** Adults (18+) only. Dr. Harms practices at 2nd Story Counseling in Lakeview, where the assessment program is built specifically around adults — if you’re looking for testing for a child or teen, this isn’t the right fit, but they’re upfront about that and will point you elsewhere. Their adult testing menu is unusually broad: adult ADHD testing (especially useful if you suspect it was missed in childhood), memory and cognitive decline evaluations, diagnostic clarification when a previous diagnosis didn’t quite fit, pre-surgical psychological evaluations for bariatric surgery and pain-management implants, and disability documentation for SSDI/SSI applications. They accept Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO insurance and will help with pre-authorization. They do not perform court-ordered or forensic evaluations. **Location:** 655 W. Irving Park Rd, Suite 204, Chicago, IL 60613 **Contact:** [(773) 528-1777](tel:7735281777) [Visit 2nd Story Counseling’s Adult Assessment Page](https://www.mychicagotherapist.com/psychological-assessments-chicago/) ### **2. Elizabeth M. Pieroth, PsyD, ABPP, MPH — Best for Concussion, TBI & Complex Medical Neuropsychology** **Best for:** Adults and adolescents, with deep expertise in sports-related and medically complex brain injury. Dr. Pieroth is a board-certified clinical neuropsychologist (ABPP, Diplomate in Clinical Neuropsychology) and Director of the Concussion Program at Midwest Orthopaedics at Rush, where she also holds a faculty appointment as Assistant Professor at Rush Medical College. Since 1997 she’s served as head injury/concussion specialist for the Chicago Bears, Blackhawks, White Sox, Fire, and the National Women’s Soccer League, and is Co-Director of the NFL’s Neuropsychology Consulting Program. Her practice centers on concussion and traumatic brain injury evaluation, along with broader neuropsychological assessment for medically complex cases. If your situation involves a head injury, concussion, or you want a specialist with major institutional and professional-sports credentials behind them, she’s the strongest pick on this list. **Location:** 1611 W. Harrison St., Suite 400, Chicago, IL 60612 **Contact:** [(877) 632-6637](tel:8776326637) [Visit Dr. Pieroth’s Profile at Midwest Orthopaedics at Rush](https://www.rushortho.com/providers/elizabeth-pieroth/) ### 3. Ari Goldstein, PhD — Best for Learning Disabilities & Executive Functioning (Kids Through Adults) **Best for:** Children, teens, and adults. Dr. Goldstein founded Cognitive Solutions Learning Center after two decades of teaching and assessing individuals with learning differences in both private and public settings. He holds a PhD in Educational Psychology from the University of Illinois and is a certified Illinois Learning Specialist (LBS1), with particular depth in learning disabilities (dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia), executive functioning, and meta-cognition. He also frequently serves as a special education advocate, which is useful if you anticipate needing school accommodations after testing. **Location:** 2419 N. Ashland Ave., Chicago, IL 60614 **Contact:** [(773) 755-1775](tel:7737551775) [Visit Dr. Goldstein’s Profile](https://www.helpforld.com/team/ari-goldstein-phd/) ### 4. Nicole Quintero, PhD, BCBA-D — Best for Autism & Developmental-Behavioral Evaluations **Best for:** Children and adolescents, with a developmental-behavioral focus. Also at Cognitive Solutions Learning Center, Dr. Quintero brings a background that’s distinct from Dr. Goldstein’s: a doctorate in school psychology from Syracuse, a predoctoral internship at the Kennedy Krieger Institute (Johns Hopkins), and prior roles at Rush NeuroBehavioral Center and UIC’s Developmental Disabilities Family Clinics. As a dual-certified BCBA-D, she’s particularly well-suited for autism spectrum evaluations and complex developmental-behavioral diagnostic questions, working from a strengths-based approach in coordination with other providers. **Location:** 2419 N. Ashland Ave., Chicago, IL 60614 **Contact:** [(773) 755-1775](tel:7737551775) [Visit Dr. Quintero’s Profile](https://www.helpforld.com/team/nicole-quintero-phd-bcba-d/) ### 5. Matthew Hefferon, PsyD — Best for Kids, Teens & College Students (Testing + Family Therapy Under One Roof) **Best for:** Children, teens, and college-age students. Dr. Hefferon’s practice is built around kids and families specifically — academic and psychological testing for children, teens, and college-age students, paired with child therapy and full-family mental health support when testing points toward an ongoing need. That combination is useful if you’d rather not coordinate between separate testing and treatment providers. He also works with individual adults navigating anxiety, anger, or related concerns, though his core focus is the child/teen population. **Location:** 3139 N. Lincoln Ave., Unit 222B, Chicago, IL 60657 **Contact:** [(872) 588-0854](tel:8725880854) [Visit Dr. Hefferon’s Website](https://www.drmattcanhelp.com/) \[[See our page on ADHD Coaching for adults in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/add-adhd-coach-for-adults-chicago/)\] Key Takeaways - “Neuropsychological testing” and “psychological assessment” aren’t the same thing — neuropsychological testing focuses on brain-behavior relationships (memory, TBI, dementia), while psychological assessment is the broader umbrella covering ADHD, learning disabilities, and diagnostic clarification. - Age matters more than you’d think — some Chicago practices on this list see adults only (Dr. Harms), some see kids and teens only (Dr. Hefferon), and others span both (Dr. Goldstein, Dr. Heilbronner). - Expect a three-session process: intake, testing (2–6 hours), and a feedback session, with 1–3 weeks total from start to finish. - Insurance coverage and pre-authorization requirements vary by provider — confirm directly before booking, and ask for a cost estimate up front. - If your situation involves a legal case, a neurological diagnosis, or medical complexity, Dr. Heilbronner’s board certification (ABPP-CN) and forensic experience make him the strongest fit on this list. --- ### [Therapy for Gay Men](https://guycounseling.com/therapy-for-gay-men/) **Published:** July 4, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Identity · Relationships · Confidence · Growth ## Therapy for Gay Men A practical, affirming guide for gay men thinking about therapy, counseling, coaching, identity, relationships, shame, confidence, anxiety, masculinity, and personal growth. [Contact Guy Counseling →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ## Therapy For Gay Men Matters Gay men come to therapy for many reasons. Some are working through identity questions, relationship patterns, anxiety, shame, family issues, dating stress, confidence, body image, coming out, or the pressure to appear like everything is fine. Others are not in crisis at all. They simply want a private space to understand themselves better, make healthier choices, improve relationships, and build a more grounded life. Therapy for gay men does not need to be dramatic, political, or wrapped in slogans. At its best, it is honest, practical, affirming, and focused on helping you become more fully yourself. ◆ ## What Therapy Can Help Gay Men With Every man brings his own story. Still, there are several themes that commonly show up for gay men in therapy, counseling, and personal growth work. ✦ Identity and self-acceptance ✦ Coming out and family dynamics ✦ Shame and internalized homophobia ✦ Dating, attachment, and rejection ✦ Relationship communication ✦ Anxiety, stress, and overthinking ✦ Confidence and self-esteem ✦ Body image and appearance pressure ✦ Masculinity and emotional expression ✦ Workplace stress and identity management ✦ Breakups, grief, and life transitions ✦ Personal growth and better living ![Therapy for gay men and personal growth](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/attractive-young-black-man.jpeg?ssl=1) ## Identity, Shame, and Self-Acceptance For many gay men, identity is not just about orientation. It can also involve family expectations, religion, culture, masculinity, friendships, body image, safety, belonging, and the question of how much of yourself you allow others to see. Shame can be subtle. It may show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional guardedness, compulsive comparison, avoidance, or the feeling that you need to be impressive before you are lovable. Therapy can help you identify where those patterns came from and whether they still need to run your life. The goal is not to become someone else. The goal is to become more honest, more grounded, and more at home with yourself. Connection and Intimacy ## Gay Relationships, Dating, and Attachment Gay relationships can be deeply meaningful, but they can also bring up old wounds around rejection, trust, comparison, communication, emotional availability, and vulnerability. Some men struggle with dating fatigue. Others feel stuck in relationship patterns that repeat themselves. Some are trying to understand attachment, jealousy, sexual communication, commitment, breakups, or the difference between chemistry and compatibility. Therapy can offer a space to slow things down, look honestly at patterns, and build healthier ways of relating — to yourself and to others. ## Coming Out Is Not Always One Event Coming out is often described as a single milestone. For many gay men, it is more complicated than that. It may happen in stages, across different relationships, workplaces, families, communities, and seasons of life. Some men come out early. Some come out later in life. Some are out in certain spaces but guarded in others. Some have families that are supportive, while others experience distance, tension, silence, or rejection. Therapy can help you think through what authenticity means for you, how to set boundaries, and how to navigate family or social systems without losing yourself in the process. ![Gay men’s therapy, confidence, and identity](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/attractive-bearded-man-suit.jpg?ssl=1) ## Anxiety, Confidence, and Masculinity Gay men often receive mixed messages about masculinity. Be confident, but not too much. Be attractive, but do not seem vain. Be emotionally open, but do not appear needy. Be successful, but do not admit how much pressure you feel. That kind of pressure can feed anxiety, self-criticism, social comparison, relationship insecurity, and the feeling that you need to perform rather than simply exist. Therapy can help you build confidence from the inside out. Not the fake kind that depends on attention or approval, but the steadier kind that comes from self-awareness, emotional honesty, and a clearer sense of who you are. ## Therapy, Counseling, and Coaching The words therapy and counseling are often used interchangeably. Both can involve talking with a trained professional about emotional health, relationships, stress, identity, and personal challenges. Coaching is different. It is usually more focused on goals, habits, confidence, career direction, communication, personal growth, and future-oriented change. Coaching can be useful, but it is not a substitute for mental health treatment when clinical care is needed. For gay men, the best fit depends on what you are looking for. Some need therapy. Some need coaching. Some benefit from both at different points in life. Choosing Support ## Does My Therapist Need to Be Gay? Not necessarily. Some gay men strongly prefer a gay therapist because they want someone who understands certain experiences without needing everything explained. That preference is valid. Other gay men work well with a therapist who is not gay but is genuinely affirming, clinically competent, emotionally attuned, and comfortable discussing sexuality, identity, relationships, shame, family, and culture without awkwardness or judgment. What matters most is whether you feel respected, understood, and able to speak honestly. Therapy should not require you to educate your therapist before you can begin doing your own work. ![Therapy and personal growth for gay men](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/bearded-man.jpg?ssl=1) ## What to Look For in Therapy as a Gay Man A good therapy relationship should feel respectful, practical, and emotionally safe. It should not feel performative, dismissive, or overly clinical. ### Affirming, Not Performative You want someone who can talk about gay identity naturally, without turning every conversation into a slogan. ### Practical and Grounded Therapy should help you understand patterns and build tools you can use in real life. ### Comfortable With Complexity Gay men are not all the same. Your therapist should understand that identity, culture, relationships, faith, family, and masculinity can be complicated. ## When Should a Gay Man Start Therapy? You do not have to wait until life falls apart to start therapy. Many men begin because they are tired of repeating the same patterns, feeling disconnected, overthinking relationships, hiding parts of themselves, or carrying stress that has become too familiar. Therapy may be worth considering if you feel stuck, isolated, anxious, ashamed, emotionally guarded, burned out, or unsure how to move forward. It can also be useful when things are basically okay but you want to become more self-aware, more confident, and more intentional about the kind of life and relationships you are building. ![Gay men, confidence, identity, and personal growth](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/bearded-man-sunglasses.jpg?ssl=1) ## The Guy Counseling Perspective Guy Counseling is a men’s psychology, relationships, mental health, self-improvement, and better-living resource. The focus is practical, direct, and grounded in the realities men face across identity, relationships, work, confidence, and emotional health. For gay men, that means making room for identity without reducing everything to identity. It means talking about relationships without stereotypes. It means addressing masculinity, shame, anxiety, confidence, body image, family, sex, love, grief, and growth with maturity and honesty. The goal is not to become perfect. The goal is to become more integrated — more aware of yourself, more honest about your needs, and more capable of building a life that actually fits. ## Related Guy Counseling Resources You may also find these Guy Counseling resources helpful as you explore therapy, coaching, self-awareness, and personal growth. ### Men’s Counseling Support for men navigating stress, relationships, confidence, identity, and emotional health. [Learn More →](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/) ### Life Coaching Coaching for men focused on goals, direction, discipline, confidence, and better living. [Learn More →](https://guycounseling.com/mens-life-coach/) ### About Guy Counseling Learn more about Dr. John D. Moore and the background behind Guy Counseling. [Read Bio →](https://guycounseling.com/about-dr-john-d-moore/) A More Honest Conversation ## Therapy Can Be a Strong Step Forward Whether you are working through identity, relationships, shame, confidence, stress, or personal growth, support can help you understand yourself more clearly and move forward with greater intention. [Contact Guy Counseling →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) The content on Guy Counseling is intended for information and education only and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical, mental health, or emergency care. If you are in crisis or believe you may harm yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. --- ### [Men’s Counseling in Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/mens-counseling-chicago/) **Published:** July 3, 2026 **Author:** John D. Moore **Content:** Lakeview · Chicago # Men’s Counseling in Chicago Practical, confidential counseling for men dealing with stress, anxiety, confidence, relationships, career pressure, life transitions, and the work of becoming unstuck. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) ✦ Men-Focused ✦ Practical Tools ✦ Confidential Support ✦ Chicago-Based Men come to counseling for different reasons. Sometimes it is anxiety or stress. Sometimes it is a relationship problem, career pressure, low confidence, grief, anger, burnout, or the quiet sense that life is not working the way it should. Over the years, I have worked with men from many walks of life — straight, gay, bisexual, questioning, partnered, single, divorced, younger, older, established, and still figuring things out. The details may differ, but the need is often similar: a confidential place to talk plainly, think clearly, and begin making practical changes. My approach is direct, warm, solution-focused, and grounded in real life. The goal is not to turn you into someone else. The goal is to help you understand what is happening, identify what needs to change, and build a workable path forward. ### ➡️ Prefer Virtual Sessions? For many men, online counseling can make it easier to get support without adding another commute to the day. Guy Counseling offers secure virtual counseling for clients located in Illinois, along with online coaching options when appropriate. [Learn more about online counseling and coaching for men](https://guycounseling.com/online-counseling-coaching/). Who This Is For ## Men Often Reach Out When They Need 1 A confidential place to talk without having to perform, explain everything perfectly, or pretend they are fine. 2 Practical coping tools for stress, anxiety, negative thinking, pressure, and emotional overload. 3 Support with relationships, dating, breakups, family pressure, communication, and the patterns that keep repeating. 4 A clearer path through life transitions, career questions, confidence issues, motivation, and personal growth. You do not have to keep carrying everything by yourself. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) How Counseling Works Here ## A Practical, Men-Focused Approach to Change My work is interactive and goal-focused. Depending on your situation, I may use elements of [CBT](https://guycounseling.com/cognitive-therapy-therapy-cbt/), [ACT](https://guycounseling.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/), mindfulness-based strategies, guided imagery, and practical coaching tools. The work often includes identifying negative self-talk, understanding emotional triggers, practicing new coping skills, improving communication, and creating a realistic plan for what happens outside the session. When clinically appropriate, [EMDR therapy for men](https://guycounseling.com/emdr-therapy-for-men/) may also be considered for painful memories, negative beliefs, or emotional roadblocks that keep showing up in the present. ![men's counseling in Chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/bridge-.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Counseling can be a bridge between where you are and where you want to be. Common Reasons Men Reach Out ## Men’s Counseling Can Help With ### Stress, Anxiety & Emotional Control Anxiety and stress, negative thinking, irritability, performance pressure, public speaking anxiety, emotional shutdown, and feeling constantly on edge. ### Confidence, Identity & Self-Worth Self-esteem, body image concerns, masculinity questions, assertiveness, confidence, feeling misunderstood, and learning to relate to yourself with more honesty and strength. ### Relationships, Dating & Breakups Communication problems, dating challenges, relationship strain, breakups, divorce adjustment, family pressure, trust issues, and patterns that keep repeating. ### Career, Purpose & Life Direction Career changes, indecision, workplace pressure, school stress, motivation problems, life transitions, adulting, purpose, and figuring out what comes next. ### Habits, Motivation & Personal Growth Habit control, exercise motivation, over-competitiveness, focus problems, procrastination, self-discipline, and building healthier routines that actually fit your life. ### Gay, Bisexual, Queer & Questioning Men Affirming support for identity, relationships, confidence, shame, coming out, family dynamics, dating, and personal growth. Learn more on the [therapy for gay men](https://guycounseling.com/therapy-for-gay-men/) page. “The idea that men should just ‘man up’ and handle everything alone is not strength. It is a setup for silence, isolation, and burnout.” One of the strongest things you can do is reach out when you know something needs to change. Counseling gives you a structured place to look at what is working, what is not, and what needs to happen next. ## Counseling, Coaching and Fit Clinical counseling services are available to clients who live in Illinois. Coaching is different from counseling and is not billed to insurance. You can learn more about fees, insurance, and service differences on the [fees page](https://guycounseling.com/fees/). Because needs and availability vary, the best next step is to reach out and briefly describe what kind of support you are looking for. If I am not the right fit or my schedule is full, I am happy to provide quality referrals when appropriate. ![Guy Counseling Waiting Room](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/guy-counseling-office-waiting-room.jpg?resize=816%2C1118&ssl=1) ![guy counseling therapy coaching office chicago](https://i0.wp.com/guycounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/guy-counseling-therapy-office-chicago.jpg?resize=678%2C381&ssl=1) Here is a quick look at the Chicago office, in case you are wondering what the space feels like. ## Ready to Start Building Your Bridge to Change? Whether you are dealing with a specific problem or simply know something in your life needs to shift, counseling can help you slow things down, sort things out, and take the next step with more clarity. You can also visit the [men’s blog](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-blog/) for articles on relationships, confidence, anxiety, self-improvement, and personal growth. [Request Appointment →](https://guycounseling.com/contact-guy-counseling-coaching/) --- ## Categories ### [Health & Fitness](https://guycounseling.com/category/health-fitness/) **Description:** Practical health and fitness tips for men, including workouts, strength, nutrition, recovery, and healthier routines for everyday life. --- ### [Nutrition](https://guycounseling.com/category/mind/muscle-nutrition/) --- ### [Grooming & Style](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-grooming/) **Description:** Men’s grooming and style tips covering skincare, hair, beards, fragrance, clothing, and practical ways to look sharper and feel more confident. --- ### [Lifestyle](https://guycounseling.com/category/muscle-lifestyle-tips/) --- ### [Guy Pop](https://guycounseling.com/category/mind/guy-pop/) --- ### [Mind](https://guycounseling.com/category/mind/) **Description:** Men’s mental health guidance covering anxiety, stress, emotions, confidence, mindfulness, behavior, and practical ways to feel more grounded. --- ### [Field Notes](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-blog/) **Description:** Explore Field Notes for thoughtful stories and practical perspectives on modern masculinity, work, culture, history, technology, hobbies, and everyday life. --- ### [Hypnotherapy Chicago](https://guycounseling.com/category/hypnosis/) --- ### [Guy Skills](https://guycounseling.com/category/guy-skills/) **Description:** Explore practical guides for men on fishing, outdoor skills, useful hobbies, everyday problem-solving, & hands-on know-how for becoming more prepared. --- ### [Guy Files](https://guycounseling.com/category/guy-files/) **Description:** Learn about popular men in pop culture and in history. Discover facts you might not know. --- ### [Lore](https://guycounseling.com/category/lore/) **Description:** Lore, ancient symbolism, alchemy, astrology and mystical material all appear in this area of the blog., --- ### [Relationships](https://guycounseling.com/category/relationshops/) **Description:** Men's dating and relationships tips. Learn practical, easy to understand relationship and dating suggestions for guys. --- ### [News](https://guycounseling.com/category/news/) **Description:** News and research on men’s mental health, relationships, wellness, behavior, culture, and practical issues affecting everyday life. --- ### [Entertainment](https://guycounseling.com/category/news/entertainment/) --- ### [Dating](https://guycounseling.com/category/relationshops/dating/) **Description:** Dating advice for men covering confidence, communication, first dates, online dating, boundaries, attraction, and healthier relationships. --- ### [Career](https://guycounseling.com/category/career/) **Description:** The career section of Guy Counseling focuses on job skills and employment information for today's workplace. Careers explored with concrete job questions. --- ### [Men's Style](https://guycounseling.com/category/mens-grooming/mens-style/) **Description:** Men’s style tips covering clothing, shoes, accessories, fit, and practical ways to build a sharper wardrobe and dress with confidence. --- ### [Academia](https://guycounseling.com/category/academia/) --- ### [Reviews](https://guycounseling.com/category/news/reviews/) **Description:** Product reviews offered by the men of Guy Counseling. Grooming, tech, self-care and more. --- ### [Science](https://guycounseling.com/category/science/) **Description:** Learn about science, research and studies in fields related to human health and wellness --- ### [Psychology](https://guycounseling.com/category/psychology/) **Description:** Psychology articles on human behavior, mental health, and research. Relationships and human interactions. Psychology articles. --- ### [NSFW](https://guycounseling.com/category/nsfw/) --- ### [Astrology](https://guycounseling.com/category/lore/astrology/) **Description:** Explore articles for men on personality, attraction, relationships, compatibility, and self-awareness through Jungian psychology and the zodiac. --- ### [Podcasts](https://guycounseling.com/category/podcasts/) **Description:** The Men's Self Help Podcast. Listen to various episodes on topics related to men's health, wellness and psychology by Dr. Moore with Guy Counseling. --- ### [Intimacy](https://guycounseling.com/category/intimacy/) **Description:** Practical articles for men on intimacy, sexual wellness, communication, consent, confidence, and connection in relationships and personal growth. --- ### [Growth](https://guycounseling.com/category/self-improvement/) **Description:** Self-improvement for men focused on confidence, habits, motivation, mindfulness, emotional growth, and becoming a wiser man. --- ### [Ask Jack](https://guycounseling.com/category/ask-jack/) **Description:** Ask Jack offers honest, practical advice for men navigating relationships, sex, confidence, work, identity and life’s complicated situations. --- ### [Dads](https://guycounseling.com/category/dads/) **Description:** Honest articles about fatherhood, marriage, intimacy, identity, mental health, and the things dads often struggle to say out loud --- ## Tags 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