confidence building for men

Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem are in Your Mind

So you are wondering how you can be a more confident man. Perhaps you are curious about how you can raise your self-esteem? If you answered yes to these questions, know that you are not alone. In fact, most men struggle with confidence at some point in their lives.

This is true of young men who are just starting out in life and of older gents who are a bit more mature. Questioning your confidence isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it suggests that you are mindful of your self-perception at this point in time.

Confidence and Negative Self-Talk

Click on podcast below to hear 7 ways to increase your confidence and combat negative self-talk. If you don’t see the player below, click on this confidence podcast link.

Confidence, Self-Esteem and Self-Concept

The secret to being a more confident man has a lot to do with how you view yourself, which in turn has a major impact on your self-esteem. While we hear works like self-confidence, self-esteem and self-concept used interchangeably, they actually have different definitions. This is particularly true in a world where a premium is placed on alpha men.

Let’s take a brief moment to look at these words and define them so that you have a clearer picture of this entire male confidence thing.

Term Definition
Self-Confidence A believe in your personal judgment and decision making abilities.
Self-Esteem An emotional evaluation of your self-worth
Self-Concept A collection of beliefs about yourself

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As you can see, the terms are similar in nature but not exactly the same. It is important to keep the meanings of these words tucked in the back of your mind as we go over the 10 Tips for being a more confident man with high self-esteem. This will all become clear as you continue reading.

Mindfulness and the Confident Man

Before going further, it is vital that you become familiar with the term mindfulness. At its core, mindfulness is a 25-cent therapeutic term used to help a person focus on the here and now. This awareness of the moment involves all five senses and is a technique used by many body builders use to gain muscle mass.

And just in case you forgot, the five senses mean sight, touch, hearing, taste and smell. Think of mindfulness as tool to help you become more centered on your self-confidence journey.

Now that you have familiarized yourself with these terms, it’s time to explore the 10 tips for being a more confident man with high self-esteem. Are you ready?

Let’s jump right in!

10 Confident Man Tips

1. Believe in your ability to make sound decisions

One of the primary keys to building self-confidence and increasing self-esteem is to believe in your decision making abilities. By using mindfulness based approaches and focusing only on this moment in time, affirm to yourself that you have the intelligence and experience to make healthy decisions for yourself.

All of the other tips depend upon your ability to believe in yourself.

2. Tune out the negativity

As an addition to tip number one, it is important that you learn to tune out negativity. This means being mindful of the past with an eye on the present. Having healthy self-confidence means making the conscious choice to not buy into ugly remarks said to you in the past.

This also includes negative things you say about yourself (See tip #6).

3. Embrace your mistakes

There isn’t a person on this earth who has not made a mistake. Rather than be embarrassed or ashamed over past mistakes, learn to embrace them. The mistakes you have made are yours, meaning they belong only to you and nobody else.

The key is to ask yourself: What have I learned from my mistakes?

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4. Focus on your assets

It is easy to go into discount mode when we are conducting an analysis of our self-concept. Confident men, however, know that it is important to focus on intellectual, physical and personal assets as part of a balanced approach to a self-review. 

What are the positive things you can say about yourself? List them out. These are your assets.

5. Practice gratitude

Gratitude is one of those words that gets bandied about as a kind of fix-all for everything. In truth, practicing gratitude has a direct and positive impact on your self-esteem. Using mindfulness, ask yourself what are you grateful? What are the good things happening in your life?

Gratitude is humility’s best friend.

6. Change your mental tape

This tip may sound silly but it is an important one. Can you look in your mirror and say something positive about yourself. If you struggle with this, it means you are playing a negative self-tape. This is particularly true if the words you say to yourself in front of that mirror are negative.

Perhaps it is time to change your mental tape?

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7. Accept change is constant

Yet another feature of a confident man with healthy self-esteem is the recognition that change is constant. This means you are constantly changing. The image you see in the mirror today will be different tomorrow – if even just slightly.

The question is: What are you doing to create positive change? Are you working on your body? How about your mind? What about your spirit?

8. Believe that you are worthy of happiness

Confident men recognize that being in a state of happiness is important. But In order for you to attract things like money, romance or success in your life, you need to believe that you are worthy of happiness. Your worthiness to receive happiness is not contingent on your sexual orientation, race or ethnicity. And bear in mind there is a difference between feeling you deserve happiness vs. being worthy of it.

Worthy means your self-concept is capable of absorbing happiness into your total you.  

9. Focus on self-care

Universally, confident men engage in self-care. This means being OK with wanting to improve your personal appearance; be it through body building or physical activity. It means investing the time and resources in creating a men’s skincare routine that is designed to preserve what you have and help you look like the best, most attractive version of you.

Finally, confident men focus on self-care with the knowledge that they are empowering change and increasing wellness.

10. Embrace your imperfections

Every single person on this planet has perceived imperfections. In fact, for every one flaw you can identify, there are likely thousands of other guys who share that same issue. But ask yourself: Are your so called imperfections really that bad? Is there something that can be gained from your flaw? How have you integrated your imperfection into your total self-concept?

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Confident Man Summary

Confident men universally embrace the 10 concepts mentioned here. They are able to look at another person directly in the eye and maintain their gaze. Confident men can do this because they have accepted who they are at this moment in time and have a strong believe in their self-concept.

The paradox of course is that confident men naturally attract others to them – including romantic interests and friends. Confident men with high self-esteem also attract more money, better jobs and more respect than their less confident counterparts. Confident men are not co-dependent but instead, independent, which is a byproduct of their self-esteem.

There is a great book that is all about building confidence that specifically speaks to men’s issues  you might want to read called: Building Confidence (See Amazon).  Yes, it is a self-help book but you would be surprised at how many men involved in business, sports and other life areas use these kinds of tools to better their lives – including major celebrities like Christ Evans. In fact, he’s a huge proponent of mindfulness based living.

Related: 10 Ways Successful People Handle Stress

I’ll also throw in another recommendation. The book is called Self Confidence Secrets. It’s a powerful tool that you can call upon the help you increase your self-esteem and self-perceptions.

I’ve recommended it to many because of its many hands on, concrete exercises. What’s more, this one is great for helping you stop negative thinking which leads to self-sabotaging behaviors. Check Amazon for pricing.

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