FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES STORIES
Looking for first gay experiences stories? If so, you wouldn’t be alone. According to scientific research, something like 7-8% of men who identify as heterosexual has had some type of same sex-experience.
While many websites tend to eroticize such encounters, few offer first hand, true stories of these gay experiences. Given interest in this topic, we thought it might be helpful to share some of these with readers.
Below is a podcast (E17) that features an email from a listener who identifies as straight but recently found himself attracted to another man at his gym. From The Men’s Self-Help Podcast.
STRAIGHT MEN SHARE TRUE FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES
What follows are 25 first gay experiences stories as told by men who identify as straight. To gather their narratives, we asked the Guy Counseling community to come forward and share.
First names are used to protect their identities. Our hope is to help men who are trying to come to terms with their sexuality. Remember, orientation is not always black or white.
1. AFTER A FEW DRINKS
“I was 21-years old and spent most of the summer working construction to make extra money for college. On the job, I got to know one of the guys [Mike] who was a little older than me. Like 25?
One Friday after work, a group of us stopped by a local watering hole to tie a few on. At the end of the night, Mike invited me back to his place to chill.
I don’t remember all of the details, but we ended up watching a movie and firing up some 420. The next thing I knew, we were going down on each other.
It only happened once, and we never talked about it again.”
-Nick/38 Straight Male
2. MARINE BOOT CAMP
“I’ve always been attracted to women never had an experience with another guy – although I had thought about it. But that changed during my time in boot camp after joining the Marines.
There was a guy who was about my age (22) who I was strangely attracted to. Not sure if it was his build or what but I just I just know that I liked him.
Just before graduation, we ended up hooking up off-base. Not sure how to explain the dynamics. Yeah, we had been drinking but we weren’t sloshed. What’s weird is that we ended up doing it two more times. I’m married now and so is he. We’re still friends on Facebook.”
-Rick/32 Heterosexual man
“It was a few days just before Thanksgiving and everyone had left campus to go home for the holiday, except for me and two other guys staying in the dorms.
Feeling bored, the three of us decided to hang out in my room and play poker. One of the two dudes was out on campus. He offered to go down on me and the other guy as a bet. We thought he was joking but found out later he wasn’t.
Yep – he made good on his wager.
It was the first time I had ever experienced something with another guy. It was also my last but I don’t regret it.”
-Chris/37 Married straight guy
4. SCOTCH HOOK UP
“I had a buddy in college who was gay but in the closet. One night we were drinking scotch at his place and he confessed he had been crushing on me for a long time.
One thing led to another and we ended up making out. Later, we traded some oral action. Only happened once because it got weird afterward. Not sure why.”
-Dennis/39 Identifies as straight
5. CAMPING IN WISCONSIN
“When I was 25-years old, I took my little brothers on a camping trip to the Northern woods of Wisconsin. We had been making the trek from Chicago for years but after our dad passed away, we decided to keep the tradition going.
While we were staying at a state campground, one of the park rangers came by our camping area to warn us of pending severe weather. I think the guy was around 30 years old?
We started talking and I got the sense he was interested in me. I’ve never been attracted to other men, but there was just something about him that I liked. Hard to explain. Maybe it was his cologne?
Just before we left, he stopped by our camp and said he’d be visiting Chicago the next weekend. When I gave him my number, I knew exactly what I was doing.
Sure enough, when he arrived in town, he called. I ended up going to his hotel and we ended up getting it on. Nothing serious. He went down on me and I tried doing the same but wasn’t very good at it.
After that happened, I never heard from him again. Does this mean I’m gay? I don’t think so. I think labels do more harm than good.”
-Ken/34 Says he’s straight
6. BUILDING SECURITY GUARDS
“I’m a building security guard on the East Coast. Two years ago, another guy who was my age was put on the night-shift. When you work that shift, it’s very quiet. To pass time, we made small talk and gossiped about people in the building.
One weekend around 2 or 3 in the morning, we were super bored and started talking about our hookup experiences. I don’t know what happened, but it must have gotten us both horned.
We ended swapping head in a utility room. It happened a few more times that summer – to the point where all one of us would have to do is say ‘utility room’ and the other guy knew what time it was.
When summer was over, he got transferred to another building. Not going to say I didn’t enjoy it and I know he liked it too.”
-Pedro/32 Married with kids
7. ONE YEAR PRISON STINT
“When I was 25-years old, I was sentenced to prison for five years on a drug-related charge. In the end, I only ended up spending a year in jail.
During that time, I hooked up several times with a few of the inmates. It happens more than people think and not because straight guys are forced into it.
In my case it was mutual. To me, I was simply getting my needs met – just like the other guys doing time. Do labels really apply when you are doing time?”
-Enrique/38 Straight man
8. DAIRY CASE AT GROCERY STORE
“The summer after graduating high school, I took a job at a job at my local grocery store in the dairy department. You know, like stocking milk, cheese, and eggs. The work sucked and didn’t pay all that great, but I needed the cash for books.
There was another guy (Sam) who worked in the Deli that was around my age that seemed cool. From time to time, we’d run into each other and talk about sports and how the Packers were going to make it to Super Bowl.
One weekend I was alone in the dairy case, unloading expired milk from behind the casing and waiting for the truck to deliver the new stuff. That’s when Sam came to make small talk.
I don’t remember all of the details, but I know at some point I saw him popping wood under his work khakis. All I can tell you is that I was impressed.
We ended up j-rking together in the meat freezer. The whole thing was over in less than 10-minutes (if that). After that, we did more stuff but not in the store.”
-Trevor/41 Mostly hetero
9. FOOTBALL TEAM
“When I was in college, I played football. Not that I was anything to talk about because I mostly sat on the bench. But there was a first-string dude that I was buddies with where things used to happen.
It was never like we planned it or anything. Sometimes he’d pass by room [dorm] and say hello. One time, he showed up to shoot the $hit – you know, like to hang out.
I remember telling him my shoulder was messed up from a bad play and he offered to massage it to relax the muscle. That’s when I felt his stiffy against me through his sweats.
After that, the rest is history. We ended up messing around. Over the course of a year, it happened a few times. The dude is married now and so am I. To me, it doesn’t mean you are gay if you experiment.”
-Ronnie/39 Living straight life
10. STEAM ROOM AT GYM
“There was only one time where I ever got it on with another dude and that happened at my gym, around 10-years ago. The truth is, I had always wanted to know what it was like so not going to lie.
I guess that is why I let this random guy do his thing on me. Yeah, it was cool. Not sure I would do it again but at least I can say I had a first gay experience.”
-Mitch/36 Straight dude
11. FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE CABBY
“I used to drive a Checker cab in Chicago back in the early 2000’s, when I was in my 20’s. Everyone knew the money was good in Boystown so most of the cabbies tried to grab fares on weekends by the bars.
One time, I picked up a ride by a guy who wanted a lift downtown. On the way, he offered me $300.00 to watch me j-rk. When I told him no, he upped it to $350, I told him I was down.
Quickest money I ever made. Don’t regret it either.”
-Ricky/40-Something Straight guy
12. GIRLFRIEND’S BROTHER
“When I was back in high school, I dated this girl from my neighborhood. She had a brother who was the same age as me and we became friends.
One time while we were hanging out, he shared with me that he was bi. He asked me if I had ever been with another guy and I told him the truth – never.
Don’t ask me why but we started fooling around. I guess there was a part of me that was curious. The weird thing is the girl and I never messed around – not even once.
I don’t consider myself gay or even bi. Back then, I think I was just figuring things out and he was somebody to do that with.”
-Frank/28 Pretty much straight
13. BELLMAN AT HOTEL
“When I was 19-years old, I worked at a hotel as a bellman. Frequently, male guests had me bring up their luggage.
At least five times, I ended up staying a little extra. It was always for a big tip. The best part was I didn’t have to do anything except pull my pants down and let them do their thing.
When you are young and broke, you’ll do anything for money. I’m married now with kids and don’t consider myself gay.”
-Nick 33 Says he’s hetero
14. BACKDOOR ACTION TIME
“Back in college, there was a guy that I used to get with for oral stuff. One day, he asked me if I would ever want to do more. At first, I was hesitant because it seemed like that would be drawing a line, you know?
But he was persistent, and I admit I was curious. Long story short, it happened. I can’t say I didn’t like it because I did. But we only did it a few times.”
-Kenny 38 Mostly hetero
15. 420 TIME WITH BUDDY
“It happened only a few times. A neighbor and I used to get together and smoke. A lot of what happened is fuzzy so I don’t remember all the details. But I do remember we did things.”
-Brian/39 Fuzzy straight
16. HOOKUP APP ENCOUNTER
“I went onto a popular hookup app to see what I could find. Not sure how it happened but I ended up tapping on a filter that put me in a same-sex category. I eventually got out of it but it was too late, I was already listed in the gay area.
About an hour into it, a guy reached out to me and said he was just looking to give oral. Because I wasn’t having much luck in straightsville, I figured why not. There has always been a part of me who was curious, so I figured WTF not, you know?
To keep it real, I’ve got to say that I enjoyed myself. But once I got it out of my system, I’ve really never had any desire to do it again. I guess it’s all part of growing older.”
-Bruce 33/Decidedly straight
17. FIRE DEPARTMENT PROBIE
“When I was a probie [probation) with the Fire Department, there was another guy assigned to our firehouse, going through the ranks with me.
Both of us became pretty tight, which is what you would expect given how F-ing awful they treat you. We used to hang out a lot and I guess we bonded.
I’m not going to go so far as to say we were boyfriends because we weren’t. But when we weren’t at work, we did make out a few times and more. I was bumped when he got transferred a year after making it through probation.”
-Mark/36 Totally hetero
18. BASEBALL PRACTICE FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE
“When I was 19, I used to play ball in our neighborhood league. A lot of the guys did because there wasn’t anything else going on in the suburbs.
There was this one guy I used to get with after practice. It just sort of happened. The weird thing is we never talked about it. From time to time, we would end up in my garage when my parents weren’t home and mess around. We were both curious I guess.”
Bobby/33 Straight male
19. FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES WITH COUSIN
“When I was 18-years old, my cousin Nick stopped by our family’s house. We were living in Iowa and he was driving from New Jersey to California for a new job.
He ended up staying in my room during his visit. He was a little older than me but not by much (21?). I remember him undressing and noticing how much bigger he was than me.
He must have caught me eyeing him because he laughed about it. Then, on the next night of his stay, he purposely made sure I saw it again. The rest is history. I was curious and strangely attracted to him. Only happened once and it is not something we’ve ever talked about.”
-Doug/Hetro with a secret
20. WATCHED GUYS IN THE ARMY
“I never really did something with another guy but I did use to watch two dudes I served with [in the military] mess around in the woods.
They always thought they were being private, but I would see them doing things a lot. The fact that I watched tells you something.
-Curtis/39 Hetero male
21. NEIGHBOR HOOK UP
“I’m not really ashamed that I used to hook up with my neighbor from my teen-years. I bet a lot of guys have had gay experiences and they are just too chicken to talk about it.”
-Kelly/38 Says he straight
22. MOVIE THEATER BREAK
“Several years ago, I went to a movie with a couple of buddies and halfway through the film, needed to use the men’s room. That’s when I saw a guy touching himself in a urinal next to me.
It’s hard for me to explain but it really turned me on, so I joined him. Briefly, we both reached out and touched one another. If it lasted more than 15 seconds I’d be surprised. That’s the closest I’ve ever come to something with another dude. I think that qualifies as my first gay experience. Will it ever happen again?”
-Ryan/35 Clinging to straight
23. BOARDING SCHOOL GAY HOOKUP
“During my high school years, I went to a military boarding school. The setup was three guys to a dorm. I became friends with one of the guys I bunked with named Dale.
On some random fall weekend, it was just me and Dale in our room while the other roommate went back home on leave. That’s when me and Dale started talking about 69 and what that might be like. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew we were actually doing it – in the middle of the floor – of our dorm.
For the remainder of the school year, we hooked up A LOT in various places. Oddly enough, we stayed in touch after graduation and still talk to this day. But we never discuss our senior year in school. Is that how bromances work?”
-Nathan/29 Now married with two kids
24. CURIOUS WORKOUT NEIGHBOR
“I must have been all of 21-years old when I had my first gay experience. There was a neighbor dude I used to lift weights with in his garage. He had one of those Joe Weider flat benches, which back then was kind of a big deal.
Over the course of time, we got closer and closer. One day he reached out and touched me and I didn’t stop him. It didn’t take long before we both started doing things to one another on that bench. We probably hooked up half a dozen times.
The whole thing ended when I joined the Army and got deployed. He has long since moved somewhere else with his family. Fun times. But that was years ago. I’ve never done anything like that since.”
-Eric/31 Male Heterosexual
25. MUSCLE CAR ENCOUNTER
“When I was 30-years old, I bought a 1968 Ford Thunderbird. Muscle cars have always been my thing, and this was my dream car. But this vehicle needed a lot of work, so I used to contract with a mechanic who specialized in older models.
The dude was around my age and we used to chat a lot about cars, sports, and the usual stuff that guys do. It’s part of the reason we became fast friends.
One weekend, after doing some work on my car, we took it out for a test drive. All I can tell you is that while we were on the road, we pulled off into a truck stop. That’s when we swapped head in the parking lot.
I doubt he would identify as gay because he was married with a little kid at the time. I’m pretty sure we were both just super curious. Only happened once. I still know the dude.”
-Vincent 37/Straight and living by bro-code
FIRST GAY EXPERIENCES HAPPEN MORE THAN YOU THINK
In reading the many first gay experiences stories shared on this page, it is important to remember that at some point, most men who identify as straight have had some type of gay experience. I’m mentioning this because many people cling to labels that don’t always accurately represent a person’s truth.
If you are a straight man reading this piece, you probably can remember some type of same sex experience you had with another man over the course of your life. The question is – would you ever talk about it? If not, why? Are you afraid that someone might think you are gay?
Food for thought.
Twenge, J.M., Sherman, R.A. & Wells, B.E. Arch Sex Behav (2016) 45: 1713. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-016-0769-4