What Should Men Wear to a Funeral or Memorial Service?

Funeral Attire Options for Men

Are you a man trying to figure out what to wear to a funeral? If so, you’re not alone. Lots of guys struggle with this question, particularly if they don’t own a suit.

As a counselor, I can’t tell you how many times men have called me about this topic. “Is it OK to wear slacks and a button-down?” and “Would it be OK if I have on khaki’s?”

My sense is that most of the guys who phone me do so because they’re too embarrassed to ask their friends. Let’s face it, funeral attire and etiquette aren’t the sexiest subjects.

Moreover, the topic of death wigs some dudes out, especially if it means opening up about feelings. I’m not saying this is true of all men, but in my experience, it applies to many.

At any rate, back to the reason you’re here — what should I wear?

Men, Funerals, and Clothing Choices

Seeking answers on this topic, Guy Counseling turned to an expert. His name is Eli Turnbough, a licensed funeral director with Lakeview Funeral Home in Chicago. He offered the following insights:

“Much depends on the relationship the man had with the deceased. What you wear to a co-worker’s service might be different than how you would dress for a close family member or friend,” Turnbough said.

Do Men Have to Wear a Suit?

In our conversation, I was curious about the conventional wisdom that holds guys should always wear a suit — preferably black or grey.

“I’m not sure that’s accurate. If you are attending the memorial for a colleague or non-close relative, it’s perfectly fine to wear a pair of slacks and a button-down shirt with dress shoes. A tie and blazer add a nice touch,” said Turnbough. “But it doesn’t have to be a suit,” he added.

One major theme I picked up from our discussion was that guys should try to keep it simple. “Nothing bright — I wouldn’t walk in with a Hawaiian shirt,” Turnbough said.

Based on his advice and some checking around the web, I found several options for guys to consider. Keep in mind that I’m the same person who purchased a coffin from Costco for my aunt — so take these suggestions for what they’re worth.

Non-Suit Funeral Attire

If you aren’t an immediate family member of the deceased and are attending a wake, memorial, or funeral service, here are some ideas:

• Dark dress pants (slacks). If you don’t own a pair, you can easily buy some at almost any retail outlet. Khakis are probably fine too, but make sure they aren’t busy.
• A white, button-down dress shirt (if possible). If you don’t have white, blue works too. These are easy to find if you need to pick something up last minute.
• A tie if you want. Go with something neutral, since funerals tend to be formal in nature — black, blue, grey, or maroon are all safe. Keep it simple: no loud colors or patterns. Some men’s retailers sell combo items that simplify the decision (Amazon).
• A blazer or sport coat can be worn even if you weren’t close to the deceased. It’s not a hard-and-fast rule — if you’re just ducking into a wake to pay quick respects, you can probably skip it. But if you’ll be there for most of the calling hours or the full service, a blazer or sport coat is appropriate.
• Dress shoes matter regardless of your relationship to the deceased. Skip the sneakers. Think black wingtips, loafers, or lace-up oxfords, polished and clean (See Amazon for example).
• Dark belts should be worn unless your pants don’t require one.
• Jewelry is fine, just keep it understated. A gold watch or a ring are smart choices. Visible neck chains are best avoided unless there’s a cultural or religious reason for wearing one.

Funeral Suit Attire

If you’re an immediate family member, close friend, or colleague of the deceased, it’s best to wear a suit. This also applies if you’ve been asked to be a pallbearer. Tips:

• Dark suits are good choices. Grey, black, or blue is acceptable. Pinstripes are fine too, as long as they aren’t too loud. It’s okay to be fashionable, but you’re not there to make a fashion statement.
• White or blue shirt. Go with a simple collared button-down. White is preferred but blue works too.
• Dark tie in black, grey, blue, or maroon. Plain is usually your best bet. If you don’t have something plain, look for a soft pattern that complements your suit — a classic grey necktie with a traditional pattern is a safe choice.
• Dark belt that matches your outfit.
• Dress shoes are essential with formal attire. Depending on your suit, black or brown wingtips are smart choices — just make sure they’re polished.
• Jewelry is okay as long as it’s in good taste. A basic wristwatch or wedding ring are good examples.

Funeral or Celebration of Life: Does the Dress Code Change?

More families today are choosing a “celebration of life” over a traditional funeral — often held weeks or months after the death, sometimes at a home, park, or favorite restaurant instead of a funeral home or church. If that’s what you’re attending, the dress code often does shift.

The safest move is still to check the invitation for any wording about attire. If it says “casual” or “come as you are,” business casual — a collared shirt, chinos or dark jeans, clean shoes — is usually appropriate. Absent any signal, treat it like a non-suit funeral: dress pants or nice trousers with a button-down. Save actual jeans and sneakers for events where the family has explicitly said to keep it relaxed, ideally something you heard directly rather than assumed.

When the event leans more celebratory — sometimes with a requested theme, like the deceased’s favorite sports team or a Hawaiian shirt in their honor — it’s fine to follow that lead. Just make sure it’s an explicit ask from the family, not your own assumption that a lighter tone means anything goes.

What If I Don’t Own a Suit?

Let’s be real. Not everyone can afford a suit. The higher quality ones can be very expensive — I’ve seen some cost north of $1,500.

I’m going to tell you straight out the real deal.

The most important thing about attending a funeral is your presence. While attire is certainly important, that’s not what people will remember you for, particularly family members.

What they’ll recall is that you showed up and paid your respects. That doesn’t mean you should walk into a service in jeans and sneakers — use common sense. If you don’t own a suit, consider the non-immediate-family options mentioned above.

If money is tight, you’ve got other options:

• Buying a suit at a local thrift store
• Borrowing a suit from a friend
• Renting a suit from a men’s formalwear outlet

Should you go the rental route, be direct with the sales associate. I spoke to Morgan Klinker, a men’s formalwear expert in Chicago, who shared the following:

“Just tell the person you will be attending a funeral and need something basic. I encourage guys to go with charcoal for versatility,” Klinker said. “Remember, the person you are working with is there to help you,” she adds.

Dressing for an Outdoor or Graveside Service

Graveside services and burials add a layer that indoor services don’t: weather. A few practical adjustments go a long way here without breaking the dress code.

In cold weather, a dark wool overcoat layers cleanly over a suit or blazer and reads as formal, unlike a puffer jacket or parka. Dark leather gloves are fine; skip anything bulky or brightly colored. If rain is likely, a plain black or navy umbrella beats a golf umbrella covered in a logo.

In hot weather, lightweight wool or wool-blend suits breathe better than a heavier fabric and hold their shape outdoors. A short-sleeve dress shirt under a blazer is a reasonable compromise if a full suit jacket isn’t practical in the heat — better that than showing up without a jacket at all if you’re immediate family or a pallbearer. Standing for a graveside service can take longer than expected, so comfortable (but still polished) dress shoes are worth the extra thought.

Can I Wear Cologne or Aftershave?

Another thing guys ask is: “Can I wear cologne or aftershave to a funeral?” It’s a legitimate question, and the answer might surprise you.

Yes — it’s okay to wear men’s cologne to a funeral, with an important qualifier. The fragrance needs to be super subtle and not overpowering.

In other words, not too much. Funeral homes and places of worship are often smaller, enclosed spaces, and a heavy application can be genuinely distracting to grieving family members standing nearby for hours.

Religious and Cultural Considerations

Dress expectations can shift significantly depending on the faith or cultural background of the deceased’s family, and getting this right is a meaningful way to show respect. A few general patterns worth knowing, though none of these are universal — when in doubt, ask the family, a close mutual friend, or the officiant directly:

• Head coverings. At some Jewish services, men are asked to wear a kippah (often provided at the entrance). At some Sikh and Muslim services, a head covering may be expected as well.
• Color. Black is the default mourning color in most Western traditions, but it isn’t universal — in some Hindu, Buddhist, and other Asian traditions, white is the customary color of mourning rather than black.
• Modesty expectations. Some religious services, particularly in mosques, temples, or gurdwaras, expect longer sleeves and covered legs regardless of weather. Removing shoes before entering is customary in some traditions as well.
• Military honors. A funeral with military honors tends to run more formally than a typical service — a suit (not business casual) is the safer default unless you’ve been told otherwise.

If you’re close enough to the family to ask questions about logistics anyway, it’s completely appropriate to ask what’s expected. Most families appreciate the effort far more than they’d be bothered by the question.

Attending a Virtual or Livestreamed Memorial

Livestreamed and hybrid memorial services have become common enough that they deserve their own answer. If you’re attending remotely by video, the instinct to dress down because no one can see you below the waist is understandable — but it’s worth resisting.

A collared shirt, at minimum, is appropriate on camera, even for a service you’re only watching from a laptop. If there’s any chance you’ll be asked to say a few words or the camera might catch more of the room, dress as you would for the in-person, non-suit version of the same service. Keep your camera positioned so the background is tidy, mute your microphone when you’re not speaking, and treat the join link with the same punctuality you’d give an in-person start time.

What About Funeral Etiquette?

A lot of men are curious about funeral etiquette — what to say, and to whom. Here are some basic tips that apply in almost all situations:

• Do sign the guestbook if one is available. If there’s a space to indicate your relationship to the deceased, fill it in (friend, coworker, son). Family members often keep these as mementos and review them after services conclude.
• Do offer your condolences to the immediate family. When the time is right, introduce yourself: “Hi, my name is John and I was a friend of [name]. I’m sorry for your loss.”
• Do briefly pause at the casket, whether it’s open or closed. A short prayer or moment of reflection is enough — you don’t need to stay long.
• Do take a seat behind immediate family members at the funeral home or place of worship.
• Do consider bringing a sympathy card and signing it. Many services have a box where attendees can leave one for the family to read later. A financial contribution is a nice gesture but usually isn’t expected.
• Do your best to look well-groomed.

Bringing It All Together

If you’re a man attending a funeral, it’s only natural to wonder about attire. Hopefully the suggestions here help with the decision-making process.

Bear in mind there may be cultural or religious traditions to consider. The type of service matters too — some memorials are planned weeks after a death and tend to be more informal. Ash-spreading ceremonies can go either way. Military funerals tend to be very formal. Much depends on the situation.

Finally, it’s worth repeating: your presence is what counts the most. In the final analysis, people tend to remember who showed up as well as who didn’t.