Erotic Hypnosis Revealed
Erotic hypnosis – you may have heard of this term, but what does it mean? Is erotic hypnosis even real? The answer is yes, but it may not be exactly what you think.
In episode 30 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast, sponsored by Better Help, Dr. John Moore offers a basic definition of hypnosis and then explores the similarities between hypnosis and guided imagery. Additionally, Moore takes a deep dive into erotic hypnosis – ferreting out myths verses the realities.
As part of the show, you’ll hear a listener’s email from a man who has experienced a sudden change in his libido and isn’t sure what to do about it. Moore points out why these types of situations can act as a red-flag.
Take-Aways From Show
- A working definition of hypnosis
- An overview of erotic hypnosis
- An exploration of fact verses fiction of erotic hypnosis
- Some examples of how this type of hypnosis can be used to enhance intimacy.
- A discussion of how clinical hypnotherapy differs from relaxation hypnosis.
- Why it is important for men to visit the doctor when a sudden change of libido happens.
Resources/Articles Mentioned In Podcast
- Article in The Sun with quote from Dr. Moore on Erotic Hypnosis, authored by Haley Richardson.
- Trailer to the movie Office Space starring Jennifer Aniston and Ron Livingston.
- Biography of Dr. Milton Erickson, a giant in the field of hypnosis – see Good Therapy website.
- Thor’s Hammer Viking Meditation blog post with recording.
- Mind Play: A Guide To Erotic Hypnosis by Mark Wiseman on Amazon.
- Self-Hypnosis for Dummies by Mike Bryant and Peter Mabutt on Amazon.
- 10 Facts on erotic hypnosis with poll article.
Listen To The Podcast On
Hello and welcome to episode 30 of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast. I’m your host, Dr. John Moore. I’m a licensed mental health counselor out of Chicago, Illinois and I’ve been working as a counselor – in some form – for the better part of 15 years. Aside from talk-therapy, I’m also a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist – a topic we’ll go into a bit more later on.
And in addition to all of that – I also teach courses in psychology and in business.
So, I started this podcast a few years ago because I wanted to go beyond the walls of my practice and try to reach three groups of men.
The first group are guys who are all about self-improvement and are naturally to material that relates to anything related to self-improvement and wellness.
That’s group one.
The second group are men who may be working on some type of life challenge, such as anxiety, depression – a relationship problem – stuff like that – and listen to shows like this to help them on their journey. These same guys may even be in therapy right now or are curious about what it might be like to work with a counselor.
So, that’s group two.
And then there’s this third group – these are my stoic types. I say this because guys like this are never, ever going to come knocking on the door of someone like me, a therapist, to talk about issues going on in their life. To them, I’m about as popular as a preacher at a stag party – but – these same men might be curious enough about a show’s topic to tap on an app and listen to something they’re curious about.
So, if you identify with any of these groups, welcome – I’m delighted you are here. Oh – and a quick side note. I recognize that women also subscribe to this podcast for a variety of reasons, including a genuine desire to better understand the male mind and to gain some type of insight regarding the man in their life. And so, if you are a woman listening today, here’s a big welcome!
Quick disclaimer: This podcast isn’t designed to act as a substitute for mental health counseling or medical advice and I’m not your personal therapist.
If you’ve been listening to the show for a while, which is being sponsored by Better Help – you likely know that I like to provide concrete tools for working through life challenges. Sometimes these tools are simply informational and other times, they are action items.
The reason I do this is because over the years, I have found that men – in the general sense – are fixers. We like to have real world solutions for addressing various problems – or at least options.
Speaking of options, this brings us to today’s show topic: Erotic Hypnosis.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been approached about this topic over the years. Almost always – the question is the same: Is erotic hypnosis real?
Maybe you’ve wondered about it?
If so, you wouldn’t be alone. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been approached about this topic by different people – men and women alike.
In fact, in 2019, I was contacted by a reporter at the Sun – over in the United Kingdom – to get my thoughts. I’ve put a link in Show Notes to the articles so you can check it out [link to Sun article].
So, given the wide amount of interest, I’ll go over some specific information about erotic hypnosis and myth verses reality. And yes folks, erotic hypnosis is a real thing. But it may not be what some might think.
So, we’re going to talk about that.
We’ll explore a listener email from a man who says he loves his girlfriend but struggles with making a physical connection. Can you relate to this? Are you dating someone now where the emotional connection exists, but when it comes to the physical, there’s much to be desired?
We’ll be going over a lot today. I’m very glad you are here.
Most people have some familiarity with hypnosis because they’ve been exposed to it on television or in movies. Does this describe you?
Or maybe you were at a Las Vegas show, where a volunteer from the audience was asked to come up on stage. Moments later, they were in a deep trance and began flapping their arms and clucking like a chicken.
Cluck, Cluck, Cluck … haha.
Gosh, you know when I was a teen, I saw something like this happen at a carnival, where a female attendee was hypnotized and then moments later, began belting out songs like Tina Turner.
Haha – that was so cool – and amazing.
But you know, as fun as it is to think about hypnosis and the mystique that surrounds it, there’s also a lot of misinformation floating around.
And folks this is particularly true when it comes to erotic hypnosis.
Can I be real with you? There is just no way in this one podcast that I can cover all of the falsehoods and stereotypes that are out there about hypnotherapy. There’s just too many.
But what can do is give you a very basic, easy to understand definition of hypnosis and then move about the business of ferreting out fact from fiction – with an eye on the erotic.
My hope in offering this information is foundational in nature. Think of it as psycho-education – as we say in the field.
Are you ready?
At its core, hypnosis is nothing more than a natural state of heightened awareness. And believe it or not, it’s something that happens to all of us on a regular basis.
Let me ask you a question:
Have you ever driven your car on the highway and found yourself in deep thought? perhaps you were listening to some music and just feeling super relaxed – your mind focused elsewhere.
At some point, you realized that you had missed your exit a few miles back. Kind of shocked, you said to yourself, “How on earth did that happen?”
So, what do you think? Can you relate? If the answer is yes, well, you were in a hypnotic state – or at least something trancelike.
And here’s the thing – it is during these heightened states of calm whereby suggestions can be made. Moreover, these suggestions can happen directly or indirectly – through metaphor and even storytelling.
So, now that you have something experiential to relate to, let’s turn our attention erotic hypnosis.
Right off the bat, it’s important I share with you that there’s no widely agreed upon definition of erotic hypnosis. All I can do is give you mine. Here it goes:
In the general sense, erotic hypnosis is a form of non-clinical relaxation hypnosis. In this state, a person can be willingly guided into a place of deep calm, where are open to certain suggestions.
First, notice I said willingly. That’s because when a person is hypnotized, they are completely aware of their surroundings and everything that’s happening around them – just like you were awake in that car example I mentioned earlier.
Second, in order to enter into a state of hypnosis, a person needs to be open to the experience. If they come into it with a closed mind – well, not much is going to happen.
Third, erotic hypnosis does not – I repeat does not – involve mind control. I’m laughing now because I’m thinking about the ridiculously funny film, Office Space, starring Jennifer Aniston and Ron Livingston.
In the movie, Livingston’s character is hypnotized and essentially becomes a new person – and oh by the way, open to new possibilities. I won’t spoil the plot for you – but I will say that if you haven’t seen it, you should check it out. I’ve linked to the trailer in Show Notes on the Guy Counseling Blog.
But back to the topic.
So, you may be wondering:
1 What can erotic hypnosis be used for?
2 Who can do the hypnotizing?
3 Does it hypnosis really work?
Let’s tackle that first about what it can be used for. In my experience, the answer is a lot of things.
Probably the biggest one is fantasy and role play. And if you think about it, it kind of makes sense. Let’s say you and your partner want to add some spice to things but aren’t sure how to do it.
You know what I mean – things have gotten a bit stale.
So, one of you brings up the idea of role play – haha, but – sadly – that’s where the conversation ends.
And the reason that idea goes nowhere is because it just feels weird is because it just feels weird for you – or your partner – to think of yourself as some character, such as a king or queen, or a doctor or police officer.
You get my drift.
But here is the thing – if the both of you are open to erotic hypnosis, it may be possible to step into one of those roles and make the fantasy become a reality. Well, at least in the bedroom.
I’m reminded now of a client of mine – we’ll call him Kevin. He and his partner had a agreed to a role play scenario whereby Kevin would become the plumber. But for the life of him, Kevin couldn’t step into character. Bear in mind that the man was a highly stressed IT professional who struggled with anxiety.
By helping him tap into the power of hypnosis, I encouraged him to create a state of calm and then visualize himself as “Hank the plumber.” In this way, he was able to greatly reduce his anxiety, which was most centered on feeling like he would look like a fool in front of his partner.
Well, the long and the short of it is that after some practice, Kevin was able to transform into Hank. What’s more, he and his significant other were able to enjoy the fantasy – and become closer as a couple.
Sort of cool, don’t you think?
OK, so another example of how erotic hypnosis can be used is to address feelings of physical discomfort.
Now hey, this is a clean podcast, so I am going to be speaking in generalities.
Let’s just say, for example, that you and your mate are open to using some type of toy – but struggle with getting into it. Or maybe someone fears physical discomfort or is the rigid type, thereby creating a mental barrier.
Well, with an open mind, erotic hypnosis may help to create a highly relaxed state whereby experiencing that discomfort is now possible.
In other words, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no discomfort and 10 being highly uncomfortable, the hypnotic experience may dial things down from a 9 to a 2. Make sense?
Let me re-emphasize that both people need to be open to the experience – and agree to do it. I can’t emphasize that enough.
For those of you listening who were hoping to magically turn an unwilling mate into some type of submissive thing – I hate to break it to you – hypnosis doesn’t work that way.
Finally, I will say that hypnosis, which in some ways blurs lines with guided imagery and mindfulness, has been used to help some men with erectile dysfunction.
Remember earlier when I mentioned that hypnosis can happen with the use of a metaphor? Well, it’s true. Dr. Milton Erickson, perhaps one of the most famous hypnotherapists of all time, frequently used metaphors as part of his work.
Through metaphor and storytelling, Erikson tapped into the subconscious and accessed the active imagination – a place where new possibilities exist and solutions to problems reside.
I’ve put a link up in Show Notes to Erikson’s biography over on Good Therapy if you want to learn more.
Anyway, in my experience, many men who struggle with ED do so because of performance anxiety. Is this something you can relate to?
Well, if you can, you already know how badly it can suck. All it takes is one wet noodle experience to lose your confidence. Haha, see how I used a metaphor there?
At any rate, you probably are wondering how hypnosis help in these situations? Well, leaning into the guided imagery I mentioned earlier, metaphor-focused hypnosis may help to generate positive change by dialing down your anxiety and increasing confidence.
Are you curious what this might be like? Well, I encourage you to go back to episode 22 of this podcast and listen to the Thor’s Hammer Viking meditation I created.
All I can tell you is that within a few moments, it will become very obvious what all the metaphors are about and how, through creative visualization, you can use this as a tool for change.
I’ve put a note in show notes to the original post I created on this topic for you to check out [Link to Viking Meditation on Guy Counseling Blog].
Oh, by the way, it is important for me to state now that ED can be caused by specific medical conditions. Always get checked out by your doctor to rule these types of issues out.
Now let’s talk about who can do the hypnotizing and if you should seek out the services of a professional hypnotist?
I will tell you what I share with my clients.
All hypnosis is really self-hypnosis. In other words, it is a skill you are being taught that you can use on and for yourself. I recognize this goes against what we see in popular culture, but I’m just being real with you.
So, just like you might work with a meditation instructor to teach you how to meditate, the same holds true for a hypnotist. Follow me?
If you don’t have any experience with hypnosis, it may make sense to find a professional in your area and ask them about their expertise. I can tell you now that most won’t advertise themselves for “erotic hypnosis” services.
But many will use terms like “enhanced intimacy” and “greater sexual satisfaction”.
Now here is what you need to know. There is a big difference between clinical hypnotherapy and relaxation focused hypnosis.
With clinical hypnotherapy, it is almost always used as an adjunct to treat a mental health issue, such as anxiety or depression.
In my own clinical work, I often combine cognitive behavior therapy with hypnosis as part of a comprehensive treatment approach. So, when see that word “clinical”, think treatment.
On the other hand, relaxation focused hypnosis – which is offered by many lay hypnotists – with many examples that can be found on You Tube – is typically non-clinical.
Here, the hypnotist helps guide your mind to a place of calm and teaches you self-regulation skills. Affirmations and metaphors are often used as part of the experience.
This is why I was saying earlier that hypnosis – at least this form of it – is similar to guided imagery.
When the conditions are right, you’ll learn how to shift states, step into different reality, and generate new possibilities.
Now look, if you aren’t comfortable with seeing a hypnotist, you can also learn some basic hypnotic skills on your own. One of the books I recommend is: Mind Play: A Guide To Erotic Hypnosis by Mark Wiseman. I’ve put a link to Amazon in Show Notes on the Guy Counseling Blog if you’d like to check it out. I also recommend Self-Hypnosis for Dummies by Mike Bryant and Peter Mabutt (see Amazon) . I’ve linked to this one on the blog as well.
Finally, let’s address that final question: Does hypnosis really work?
The straightforward answer is that for many people, it does. I’m not saying everyone. But when you think about it, the same holds true for other wholistic approaches, such as aromatherapy, biofeedback, and meditation. It just depends on the person, their openness to the experience and the given goal.
Well, I’m hoping you found this part of the show helpful. If you want to learn more about this topic, I’ve posted a link in show notes to an article I penned called 10 Facts About Erotic Hypnosis Based in Science.
Now before we move on to this week’s listener email, I’d like to tell you about a very special offer from the folks at Better Help.
BLOCK C: BETTER HELP PROMOTION
Listeners to the Podcast are given a very special offer from Better Help – an online therapy platform. You’ll receive a 10% discount for signing up using this special link.
BLOCK D: LISTENER EMAIL
This week’s listener email comes to us from a man named Scott in Montreal. He’s got a problem that I bet a lot of listeners can relate to and not sure what to do about it.
Now if you’ve been following the podcast for a while, you probably know this topic has come up before – at least in some form.
So, I’m going to paraphrase what Scott wrote to me and then offer my response.
Ready? Here it goes:
Hi, Dr. John. What a cool podcast – I heard about it from a buddy and just started following. I’m writing because I’m 25 years old and in love with this girl who I’ve been dating for just over a year.
We get along great, and I really like spending time with her. At one time, we use to get it on all the time, like daily. But in recent months, not so much. And the truth is I don’t have sexual energy towards anyone – it’s like something is missing.
I feel like I’m faking it whenever we do our thing and worry that at some point, she’s going to see through me and figure things out. I don’t want to hurt her.
How can you love someone, yet not be physically attracted them at the same time? Do you have any advice here?
Dig the show – thanks for making these and it’s OK to use my email to you in the podcast.
Scott in Montreal.
OK, so that’s Scott wrote. How many of you can relate to this? His question at the end was particularly poignant, don’t ya think? Where he wanted to know how it’s possible to love someone – in the romantic sense – yet not hold that physical connection.
I’m going to read to you what I wrote back to Scott, weaving in and out as I comment to him and you as the listener.
Check it out:
“Hi, Scott, let me first say thanks for reaching out and for following the podcast. You honor me by taking the time to listen and sending over this email.
With that said, I can absolutely hear in your email – almost as if you were in my office -that you are deeply conflicted.
On the one hand, you are emotionally into the relationship. On the other hand, you feel that physical attraction – that animalistic thing – is missing. And then there is the whole guilt and shame thing you have going on because you think your mate will sense what is going on inside.
Scott, can I level with you? If the both of you are as close as it sounds, my sense is your girlfriend has already intuited what’s up. I don’t mean to generalize here but if you two are as close as you say, it just makes sense that she’d be tuned into what going on – at least on some level. She may even have hinted at this. Search your memories and see what pops up for you.
Now here is the thing you need to know. There are different kinds of love and different attachment styles. Way back in episode 12, I did a whole show about this. If you haven’t had the chance to listen, I encourage you to do so.
With all of that said, you mentioned that there was a time where the two of were frequently intimate – but in the last few months, there has been a change.
I’m not a medical doctor, but I can tell you that I’ve seen more situations that I can shake a stick at where a guy has something physically going on that negatively influences his libido.
During COVID, this has come up a LOT – and I mean a lot – where men have been found to have lower levels of vitamin D because they weren’t getting enough of it naturally – meaning from sunlight. I’ve also seen some of these same men have a lower libido because of some type of mood issue, which in some way was exacerbated by the pandemic. And if you’ve been on a new medication, such as an anti-depressant, this can also impact physical desires.
The reason I am bringing all of this up is because of the change you described – meaning the desire was there – and it sounds like it was there strongly – and then suddenly it wasn’t. And so, I guess what you are hearing me say is that it is important to visit your doctor and get a physical. Rule out any medical causes for the change in your libido. Once you get that done, you’ll be in a much better position to explore other causes.
With that out of the way, I highly encourage you to talk to your girlfriend about this issue. While I could be wrong, my sense is this isn’t about your physical attraction towards this woman – the clue being that you aren’t feeling sexual towards anyone.
So, what would it be like to talk with her about this issue? If you couch it as something to do with you – and not her – it may be helpful to your situation and frankly, bring you both closer to together.
Scott, I hope you follow through on my suggestion here and go visit your doctor. Write back and let us know what happened.
So there was my response to Scott. You know guys, it was just last year that I had a man share a near identical problem with me at my office. To cut to the chase, his doctor did some tests and discovered that he was struggling with an underlying urinary tract infection. Once he got that treated, it changed everything for him – at least in the bedroom.
This is why I always recommend going to the doctor whenever there is a sudden change in libido. In many cases, there’s something else going on at the root of the problem.
Have you experienced any sudden changes in your sexual desire? What about your mood and disposition? If the answer is yes, when is the last time you had a checkup?
BLOCK E: CLOSEOUT
We certainly discussed a number of different issues in today’s podcast – didn’t we. With a wide-angle perspective, we explored a basic definition of hypnosis. Then, we used that information as a jumping board to dive deep into erotic hypnosis.
Finally, we went over a listener email from a man who experienced a sudden change in his libido – and then looked at how these types of situations may serve as red flags for something else – possibly – going on.
We covered a lot – don’t ya think?
Let me just say now – thanks so much for listening today. If you haven’t done so already, I’d love it if you hit the follow button – or subscribe button – using whatever app you are listening with.
Apparently, the more people who follow the podcast, the better it shows up algorithmically, when people search for these types of shows. Thank you so much for that.
Did you know there’s lots of ways to reach me? Yep, there is. You can stop by my website at Guycounseling.com. You can also stop by one of my social media pages. I’m on Facebook at Guy Counseling. I’m also on Twitter and Instagram with the same handle.
And hey – if you’d like to send me an email – please do. Whatever you send will remain confidential. I won’t share it with anyone unless you give me permission. I promise.
My email addy is [shared on show]. I try to get back to everyone who writes fairly quickly, but it may take me a few days because of the other work I do as a counselor and educator.
I’d also like to take a moment to say thanks to the many people who have been leaving reviews for this show on Apple Podcasts. I obviously read them all and am filled with gratitude whenever I see a new one.
Here what someone recently wrote – a woman named Olivia:
One of my friends recommended this podcast to me. She found it really great – and I agree with her. I’ve finally found something to help me with my mental health issues and couldn’t stop listening. I really like the techniques.
And see, it’s comments like hers that keep me going to make more of these shows. So, thank you for that Olivia – truly. Her comment is proof positive women – not just men – tune into this podcast.
So, if you are a listener, please feel free to share your thoughts on Apple Podcasts, or whatever medium you may be listening. It means so much.
Well, that’s it folks – another show. Thank you to Better Help for sponsoring this podcast – and to Joel with East Coast Studio, who I’ve recently started working with as my sound engineer.
I appreciate you being here today. Be open to new things. Be OK with stepping into new experiences. Remember to pay attention to sudden changes in your libido.
Take very good care. I’m Dr. John – and this has been another episode of the Men’s Self-Help Podcast.