Mindfulness and Intimacy
How much of your day is spent on autopilot? Have you ever noticed how you just go through the motions and pay little heed to what you’re actually doing, thinking, and feeling? Mindfulness is designed specifically to place you back in a more conscious experience with life.
When you’ve been in a long-term relationship, it’s easy to slip into the routine. Sex can get boring. The same intimacy schedule. The same routine. The same positions. This can lower you and your partner’s enjoyment in the bedroom.
Luckily, a little meditative concept called mindfulness can regenerate the spark in your love life.
What is Mindfulness?
Simply put, mindfulness is the concept of being fully present in the moment. You can be more mindful in nearly every aspect of your life with the intention of creating a more healthy, well-balanced mindset.
Mindfulness can be applied to your outside environment. It can also be applied to your own thoughts and feelings. It might seem easy, but there is an art to fully comprehending and recognizing one’s thought processes.
Mindfulness is akin to meditation. It’s introspective. Mindfulness can be helpful in reducing stress, managing your emotions, and boosting your productivity. A study in 2011 found evidence that mindfulness actually changes your brain’s gray matter concentration to improve learning and memory processes, emotion regulation, self-referential processing, and perspective taking.
Can Mindfulness Really Help Men in the Bedroom?
Men can apply mindfulness practices to their bedroom behavior. Why not? Being more mindful in the bedroom can make you a better lover and increase your romantic enjoyment. If you develop a habit of mindful meditation, you can access what’s called the flow state.
The flow state is the phenomenon that happens when your mind, body, and spirit are less fragmented. You’re totally absorbed in the activity of the moment and you’re fully aware of your own thoughts and feelings.
The flow state in the bedroom can make for a powerful lovemaking experience. You’ll second-guess your actions less. You’ll feel more in-tune with your partner. Your connection might even feel as though it has transcended space and time.
Being Mindful of Your Partner’s Needs and Desires
Mindfulness is often applied to one’s own thoughts, feelings and actions. Yet, with a subtle tweak, you can apply that same level of observance toward your partner during sex. When you’re fully in the moment with them, pay close attention to their physical cues and signals.
You can be more mindful of their desires and needs. Therefore, you’ll create a better experience for the both of you. Learn their physical cues. Encourage them to be more vocal with the types of things that pleasure them and take a focused approach to fulfilling those desires.
Sure, it might be easier to just get yours, but mindfulness can be targeted at your partner. You’ll learn so much about their style of lovemaking. Master the art of pleasing them by being attentive to the signals (both overt and subtle) that they’re giving you.
Being Mindful of Atmosphere in the Bedroom
Mindfulness teaches you to be more aware of your perceptions. This can really help you set the mood in the bedroom. Think of all your five senses, not just the sensation of touch. Use mindfulness to observe what you perceive the next time you are making love.
How does the lighting affect your mood? Is there music playing or just the background noise from the TV? Could you or your partner benefit from some playful edible treats like chocolate covered strawberries?
Never underestimate the power of fragrance, as well. The right aromas can really enhance your lovemaking experience. It’s not just for special occasions like Valentine’s Day or birthdays.
Mindfulness and Male Sexual Performance
When it comes to sexual performance, some men think that the key to lasting longer is to put your mind somewhere else. “Think baseball. Think baseball.” Now, this approach might help in small, short term ways, but try to observe yourself from the outside looking in.
By thinking of something else or checking out of the experience of lovemaking, you’ve disconnected from your partner. Your presence is way more important than your performance. Instead of dialing out of the lovemaking experience to try and last longer, you can try some mindfulness techniques to improve your overall lovemaking experience no matter how long you last.
By being more mindful of your physical arousal, you can know exactly when to add variation to your lovemaking routine. For men who experience premature ejaculation, the sensation often sneaks up on you. Well, mindfulness can help you recognize the feeling of climax as it arises.
By dialing into your physical sensations you’ll know when you’re reaching climax and then you can take a pause. Try a different position or switch to pleasuring your partner.
Practice Mindfulness Outside the Bedroom
A great way to create mindfulness in the bedroom is to practice it in other areas of your life. When you wake up in the morning, try to concentrate on how your body feels. Do a body scan. Start at your head and travel all around your body. Think about how each part of your body feels.
To build your perceptional awareness with mindfulness, try it while taking a walk. Observe everything that you’re observing through your senses. Don’t just look at your immediate surroundings. Cast your gaze into the distance and observe the most distant details.
Is the wind blowing? How does it feel on your skin? Take out your headphones and observe what you can hear around you. The next time you’re eating, try to describe the flavors. Is it complex or rather basic?
These might not seem like important exercises, but this is how you build mindfulness. This is how you dial into the power of the moment. You’ll probably find that there’s so much about your world that gets glazed over.
If you can start to take notice of your thoughts and feelings in regular situations, then you’ll develop these skills for the main event. Mindfulness will come as second nature and you’ll enter that flow state with ease.
Final Points of Mindfulness in the Bedroom
Mindfulness is a great way to alleviate intimacy problems that stem from boring, long-term relationship sex, difficulty achieving orgasm or erectile dysfunction. It can also take your sexual encounters from the mundane to the transcendent by creating a flow state between you and your partner.
Sex is a form of meditation. It’s a powerful experience that involves the direct transference of energy. So, why not put more of yourself into the practice of intimate meditation by being more mindful in the bedroom.
Disconnect the smartphones and tablets. Don’t bring technology into the bedroom (at least, not that type of technology). Focus on your feelings and sensations. Then, think about your partners cues and responses. Don’t check out of the lovemaking experience just to try and last longer. Focus on how your body feels and the triggers for your climax. Then, change up the routine and focus on being present. It’s way more important than the performance of your equipment.
Put yourself fully in the moment. That’s mindfulness at its most basic incarnation, but there are other mindfulness techniques you can use. Focus on the senses. What are you tasting, touching, feeling, seeing, and hearing? Observe the environment and how it makes you feel.
Most importantly, focus your attention on your partner not your laundry list of tasks for the upcoming week. Practice mindfulness by trying to fully observe your own thoughts as they’re happening, and you’ll be ready to make your next lovemaking session an unforgettable experience.