Can Talking During Sex Increase Intimacy?

couple in love talking in bed

Talking during sex may give a boost to your love life, says study

Does your partner talk during sex? Do you?

Apologies if that question seems personal, but there is a reason I’m asking. You see, according to a recent study released in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, couples who communicate in bed tend to be more satisfied with their love life.

And just so there is no confusion – “talking” doesn’t have to happen verbally. You can use body language, sounds, eye contact, caressing, and other non-verbal cues as part of the dynamic.

If you the thought of talking during intimacy makes you uneasy, it may be helpful to practice a bit of mindfulness and go from there.

Guy Counseling spoke to Licensed Psychotherapist and Certified Sex Therapist Natalie Finegood about the study to gain her impressions. She helps her Los Angeles clients to become closer with one another.

“Focusing on sensations is the number one way to stay present in your body and get out of your head! What am I touching right now? What does that feel like it? What/where else do I want to touch my partner? What do I notice as I touch my partner?” suggests Finegood.

By drawing your awareness to the present moment and then using a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication approaches, you can increase satisfaction.

Here’s what the researchers wrote in a paper regarding their study.

The study’s takeaways

“Our findings suggest that use of verbal or nonverbal communication, specifically, is less significant to one’s sexual satisfaction when individuals are satisfied with their sexual communication.

In other words, trying to ascribe to a particular communication style may be less important than simply being satisfied within a relationship with a particular communication style.”

For this investigation, scientists surveyed around 400 people to assess how often they talked in the bedroom and the types of communications they engaged in (verbal, non-verbal. They also examined how often their significant other communicated.

couple intimacy communications
Talking during sex can increase happiness in your relationship

Additionally, the investigators also recorded how happy participants were with their sex lives, their sexual communications and (in the general sense) their relationship.

The results showed that the more couples communicated during intimacy, (in all its different forms) the happier and more satisfied they were with their love life.

Translation: The more a couple talks during sex, the better the experience.

When you think about this topic for a moment, doesn’t it make sense? Have you ever been with someone who didn’t communicate in the bedroom – in any way? When reflecting on this experience, did you find the experience to be fulfilling?

Now compare the above to sharing intimacy with a partner who was talkative (verbal and non-verbal). Didn’t that experience feel much more satisfying?

cute couple talking
Communication is a skill that requires development

Developing your sex-talk skills 

We know from previous research that complimenting your partner during intimacy can lead to a hotter experience. The trick is to talk in ways that come off as sincere and not phony.

Many people are reluctant to talk during sex or be emotive because they fear being vulnerable (particularly men). But this study suggests that if you step outside of your comfort zone and employ various forms of communication, you can seriously help your relationship.

Like most things in life, the art of bedroom communication is a skill that takes time to develop. Dr. George Bell, a licensed psychologist in Dallas, shared the following with Guy Counseling.

“I tell the men I work with that after one piano lesson, you shouldn’t expect to be Beethoven. Therefore, mindfulness around talking and intimacy is something you cultivate in life through repeated practice,” says Bell.

As a starting point, it may help to increase your confidence around intimacy and communication. One way to accomplish this is through guided imagery by stepping into your circle of mental excellence.

So, there you have it, folks. If you are hoping to spice up your love life and increase happiness, try some form of talking the next time you and your mate are in the bedroom.

About John D. Moore 329 Articles
Dr. John Moore is a licensed counselor and Editor-in-Chief of Guy Counseling. A journalist and blogger, he writes about a variety of topics related to wellness. His interests include technology, outdoor activities, science, and men's health. Follow him on LinkedIn