How To Approach a Woman You Don’t Know with Confidence

approach women and get her number

Want her number? Here’s how to get it

Struggling with how to approach a girl and ask for her number? Hoping to break the never-ending cycle of chickening out and regretting it later? Need some guy advice that works?

If the answer is yes, you’ve come to the right place. So much of what appears on the web about meeting women is mired non-sense. In many cases, the advice is needlessly complicated and massively confusing.

Between the dating books and YouTube videos, it’s enough to make most guys swear the whole thing off. Know what I mean?

Here’s the thing. If your goal is to approach a beautiful woman and get her phone number, you’ve got to ditch everything you’ve learned so far. It’s the only way to fully absorb what I’m going to suggest in this article so that you’ll start off with a clean slate.

In fact, now is probably a good time to take a few deep breaths and clear your mind. Once you are done, let’s move about the business of getting women interested when you walk up to them.

confidence and dating -man reflecting
Inventory things that make you confident

1. Remember, you are somebody.

Before you do anything else, you’ve got to remember you are somebody. I’m suggesting this because if you walk up to her with your hat in hand, acting all meager like you are begging for something, you are going to fail.

I’m not suggesting that you come off as arrogant or otherwise act like a raging narcist. But I am urging you to channel your alpha male and take stock of who you are.

Instead of focusing on being confident, draw your awareness to the concrete things that make you confident. Examples include important life achievements or unique things that are exclusive to you.

By adopting this mindset first, you empower yourself to engage in all that follows.

Now part of this step means doing some confidence building in advance. Yep, it’s not all going to happen instantly. You’ve got to nail this part down first. When you have time, read this page on how to become a more confident man.

2. You’ve got nothing to lose

Once you have adopted the mindset from step one, it’s time to move about the business of doing. To accomplish this, it’s important to bear the following in mind.

You’ve got nothing to lose.

When you think about it for a moment, doesn’t this make sense? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you say ‘hi” and she’s not interested?

Will the sky fall? Is a hole going to open from the ground and suck you in? Are you going to shrink into nothingness?

Obviously, the answer to all three is – no.

The purpose behind this step is to help put a monkey wrench in that negative tape you keep playing over and over in your mind. Ditch it brother. It’s messing you up.

Instead, simply remember that if she doesn’t want to talk or trade digits, it’s her loss and not yours. That may sound a bit stuck up but it’s the only way to get over the hump.

So, it is like this. If the stars align, then she’ll respond. If it doesn’t happen, then it doesn’t happen. Your ultimate success in life is not contingent on the outcome of the moment.

Don’t get me wrong. I hope it does work out. But if it doesn’t, move on to the next person you are attracted to.

Make sense?

couple meeting at bar
Be relaxed

3. Chillax and approach

Yep, this is the step you’ve been waiting for. The actual part where you walk up to a stranger and begin a conversation. Notice that word I used – conversation.

When you adopt the confident mindset of simply engaging in talk with her and not putting pressure on yourself to get her number, you’ll be lifting a big burden off your shoulders.

Women are very intuitive. They can sense when you are full of crap and when you are being real. And you know what else? They can smell when you have a hidden agenda.

So, before you start making steps towards her direction, help yourself out here and ask how you would want to be approached. Then, find something you both already have in common.

Examples: Find out how she likes the music. Ask her if she likes the wine. Get her opinion on the event you are attending.

This will require that you come off as smooth. In your mind, it helps to pretend you are talking to an acquaintance or a super casual friend. I absolutely don’t recommend you march up to her and say, “Hello, my name is [fill in the blank]. After all, you aren’t at a business convention, right?

You get my drift. Be chillaxed and simply treat the situation like a friendly conversation.

4. Time it right

The suggestion made here could easily be mentioned earlier but I’m listing here because it’s less important than the previously discussed steps.

To have a successful outcome, the timing needs to be right. This will require you to practice a little mindfulness. Flirting is as much about what you are doing as when you are doing it.

If she’s having a conversation with her girlfriends or in some way seems hurried, hold off on making your move. Wait for an opportunity to present itself (it will). But this requires you to exercise patience.

Another tip here – don’t walk up to her if she’s nibbling on food. Not only will it be awkward for her, it will also distract from your ability to have a meaningful conversation.

Here’s the thing on this point. You are going to have to start trusting your own sense of intuition to know when the timing is right. Yes, I’m suggesting you channel a little Zen on this one.

couple bar
How do you feel about her?

5. Ask yourself how you feel

Most guys put a lot of pressure on themselves to get her phone number. That’s OK but what would it be like to approach things differently – with a mindset that allows you to feel more empowered?

Assuming this is something you want, I encourage you to once again change your mindset. The reality is you don’t really know if you want her cell until you’ve had a chance to interact.

For example, what if, after you start talking, you realize that she doesn’t vibe on a frequency you connect with? Conversely, what if it just seems like this won’t be a good match, solely based on the conversation?

You’ll never arrive at the answers to these questions if you don’t ask yourself something important during the conversation. “How do I feel?”

Yep, that’s right. You want to ask yourself how you feel in her presence. Does she make you feel comfortable? Are things flowing casually? Do you feel at ease?

If the answer is yes (or mostly yes), then at some point, give her your number. A lot of guys find this successful towards the end of the conversation. It doesn’t have to be then. I’m simply suggesting it could be then.

“How Do I Feel”

6. Don’t ask for her number

This suggestion may seem counterintuitive but really, it’s the smart approach. If, after you have offered your number and she takes it, there is really no need to ask for her digits.

Here’s why:

Either one of two things will happen. 1) She’ll offer her number back on the spot or 2) She’ll text you a message, which will contain her contact information.

The idea here is to make it all super easy on her. No need to put her on the spot by coming right out and asking. This approach also removes pressure off you.

Are we solid?

7. Accept if things don’t work out

The final tip I’ll mention is simply this. There are going to be times when it doesn’t work out. That’s just the way life is.

But hey, it’s not like you two were dating and she rejected you. Instead, the dynamics were such that making a connection just didn’t pan out.

Some women will be direct and give you a not so subtle hint to buzz off. Others may be less direct but demonstrate they aren’t interested all the same.

You’ll want to read her body language and lean into that sense of intuition I discussed earlier. If she is looking elsewhere, staring off into the distance or just comes off as cold, don’t try to force things.

Remember, you’ve got nothing to lose here. The essence of who you are is not dependent on how things unfold. And the truth is that sometimes, rejection can be an important teacher for the next lady you encounter.

Bonus Tip:

Keep the encounter short. Remember, you want to give her a quick sense of who you are and what you are like to be with. No need to stick around forever and a day.

While I can’t give you an exact timeframe, I can say that keeping it to 15 minutes or less is probably a smooth move. All you really want to do is strike up a conversation – a dialogue that can be continued later, when it is just the two of you. Alone.

Good luck with meeting women. You can do this!

About Jack Heart 16 Articles
Jack is a wise but curious figure whose exact whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he's really, really good at matters of the heart. He’s been on more dates than you can imagine, and he’s here to help other guys step up their game.