How To Talk To A Girl The Right Way
Have you been trying to talk to a girl? Some people are just naturals at making conversation with women, but most guys get a little nervous.
There are so many automatic thoughts that run through your mind. She’s probably got a boyfriend. What am I going to say? Why did I wear this stupid shirt today?
By the time you’re done psyching yourself out of talking to that pretty girl across the room, she’s already packed up her laptop and headed for the door.
Making conversation seems to be a lost art. You might be thinking that talking to girls in the real world is just outdated.
Now you can rely on social dating apps like Ok, Cupid, Zoosk and Tinder to find a cute girl to date. Lots of people are these days, right?
Why I’m writing how to talk to girls
Well, according to Statistic Brain’s 2018 online dating report, 49 million people have tried online dating at least once in their lifetime.
That might sound like one in the win column for online dating, but there’s more to unwrap in this report.
It goes on to say that only 20 percent of current committed relationships started online and just 17 percent of people who met on a dating app got married.
I don’t know about you, but I like higher margins than that. In reality, there’s no substitute for making an actual connection with someone face-to-face.
But how do you do that, if you’re shy or you’re afraid of rejection?
I’m well-versed on dating and I’m confident I can improve your chances by giving you tips from my own romance playbook.
Getting a date or jumping in the sack with a hot girl is more of an indirect result. It comes almost automatically when you adjust your goals and your approach.
Don’t overthink a first encounter with a girl you like
The most important thing you can do to meet a girl you like is to get out of your own headspace. Don’t try to predict what she might say or do beforehand.
It’s just not helpful. Don’t rely on pre-packaged hook-up lines or any cheesy gimmicks either.
You’d be surprised how many times girls have heard the same old phrases.
Using them robs you of the most important thing you’ll need – authenticity.
Get noticed before you say a word
Women are extremely observant, and they can tell a great deal about you from non-verbal cues. If you just pop up behind a girl and say hello, she might become defensive.
However, if you pass by her, make eye contact and give her a subtle smile, then she’s got time to evaluate you.
Place yourself in her space and let her know that you’re not a creep. The message you want to convey is that you’re perfectly comfortable being near her, but you’re not in a rush to hump her leg.
Comment about something that she is doing and/ or saying
One of the biggest mistakes that guys make in their first encounters with a girl is to comment on her physical appearance. You shouldn’t compliment a girl on her looks during the first conversation at all.
So, don’t say – “Your eyes are so (fill in the blank).” Or “You have really nice (fill in the blank).”
Commenting on a woman’s physical appearance as an opener could give off the impression that you’re purely interested in her sexually or that you are the type of guy who prowls around looking for sex.
It’s much more effective to comment or ask a question in relation to something that she’s doing or something that she is saying.
You might have success by saying things like – “I couldn’t help but notice you take a lot of sugar in your coffee.
I thought I was the only one.” Or “I overheard you mention to your friend that you like watching anime.
What’s your favorite show?” This shows that your interest in her goes beyond the physical.
Facilitate her wants and needs in the moment
That hot girl that you’ve been eyeing came out of the house for a reason. Before you make some off-topic comment about the weather, try to figure out what her purpose was for coming to this place.
Your goal is not to get her to like you. Your goal is to help facilitate her enjoyment of the moment. The rest will follow.
For example, if you’re in a night club and the music is bumping and everybody is jamming, but you notice that she’s just standing there looking pissed, then you can point that out to her.
Try saying something like, “Dancing and having fun is not your thing, huh?” She’ll most likely give you a dirty look, but you’ve got her attention.
Turn it in your favor by adding, “Is there something else you’d rather be doing right now?” If she replies, then help her achieve that goal.
Another example takes place in a different environment. Let’s say you’re in the university library and you notice that your crush is really trying to get some studying done.
Just then, a noisy group of girls pass by and your crush looks annoyed.
You could lean over and say, “Wow, they were so obnoxious. I like it when this place is quieter.” Wait for a response. If she agrees, then you could add, “There’s this place that I go to study that’s really great.
It’s the coffee shop off campus. You should try it sometime. They have great smoothies, too. You ever been there?” Guess what, you’re having a conversation now.
Don’t ask for her phone number. Set up a date instead.
You’ve got her number; you’re done, right? Wrong. Asking a girl for her phone number is not only cheesy, but it marks the end of your encounter.
You’re not a salesman trying to close a deal. You’re looking to make a genuine connection that could lead to more intimate encounters in the near future.
Believe it or not, this first encounter is your first date. If you keep that in mind, you’re not looking for the exit.
You’re looking for a corner booth at the night club to keep this thing rolling or you’re looking to walk with her to her next destination.
This give you more time to learn about one another. If you just ask a girl for her phone number, you’re ending the experience prematurely.
Always look for the potential of your next encounter and look for ways to enhance your current encounter with her.
I met a girl at a party once and we talked for awhile until eventually the conversation got around to sports. It turned out that she was a big football fan.
So, I invited her to my buddy’s Super Bowl party the following weekend and we wound up exchanging numbers just so we could arrange to meet up again.
We wound up dating pretty heavily for close to a year.
Talking to girls still got you tongue-tied?
Those were some of my favorite tips for talking to girls, but I can understand if you don’t feel comfortable even making the first move.
It takes a confident man and the first step of asking a girl out is certainly the most difficult one. Confidence is a strange, intangible element to this whole equation.
Without it, how do you work up the nerve to dive in?
Well, here are some confidence-building tips:
- There’s no such thing as “too hot for you” or “out of your league”. Typically, women don’t think like men. You might be thinking this girl is out of your league, but she’s not evaluating you on your looks alone.
- Women look at the whole package and usually want a man who is happy with himself. If you project an air of assertiveness and look comfortable in your own skin, then you’ve got a fighting chance with any girl.
- Maintain good health and hygiene. This is an important tip because you should always be ready. You never know when that chance encounter will happen, so you must always keep your body and clothes clean. Work on your physical fitness, as well. Not only will this make you more presentable on a daily basis, but it will boost your confidence exponentially. Just try to avoid becoming obsessive about your physical appearance.
- Practice makes perfect. Some people approach dating as a numbers game – just talk to a bunch of girls and one will say yes.
- That line of thinking is dysfunctional. It leads to obsessive behavior and devalues each experience you could have with a potential mate. Instead, practice your conversational skills in the retail checkout line.
- When you go shopping, the girl at the checkout counter must stand there and talk to you. It’s her job. So, you can get some practice by making light conversation.
- Don’t hit on her, just say hello and practice making quick observations and asking open-ended questions.
- Make sure you are doing what you can to look handsome. This means taking care of your appearance, including your skin. See this post on creating a men’s skincare routine.
Talk to a girl – the takeaway
Online dating is fine for scrolling through profiles, but I’m not a big fan.
My issue is that you can’t get an unfiltered perspective on a girl you like, and people also tend to portray themselves in a way that will inevitably betray them when you actually meet-up.
I like to bite that gold coin like the old 49ers in the movies to make sure it’s real.
Now, when you see a hot girl or just a girl that sparks your interest, you can talk to her without sounding like a creep.
Just remember to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. Don’t focus on her physical appearance and try to make the moment better.
Don’t overthink what you’re going to say and trust in the work you’ve already applied in making yourself look stylish, clean, and presentable.
You can practice making conversation while you’re out shopping and sharpen your ability to speak casually in different situations.
Lastly, make sure that you’re focusing on your enjoyment. If you’re just looking to create joy and fulfillment, then all the other stuff comes naturally.
Let us know what you think. Do you still try to make hook