Get to know her – like a man
We have all been there. You are sitting on a date with a beautiful woman, the dinner comes to the table, wine is poured in and you look at her- all beautiful, sitting there with a smile on her face and you just go wow!
But soon enough, you realize that you actually need to say something to her. And this is where you go from a cool, take-you-to-dinner guy to an awkward guy who definitely won’t get a second date.
You have read the pieces of advice out there that tell how you just need to memorize these 560 questions and she will fall for you or how you need to ask questions but not by asking questions or making it look like an interview. Ok, thanks for the advice which tells impossible things I (don’t)need to do.
But luckily, I have a solution for you and it’s so simple that even a 15-year-old high school kid can use it flawlessly.
It’s called the four dimensions of a person.
What every single person in the world shares
You see, we humans come in all shapes and sizes – different race, sex, height, weight, size, sexual orientation and a million more things where we are different like music or movie taste, are we a ketchup or a mayo, cat or a dog, rock or pop person.
But all of those differentiations fall into only four dimensions of life and those 4 dimensions make us a complete person. Those four dimensions are intellectual, physical, emotional and spiritual. And these four are the only thing you need to remember. Every single human being has an intellectual self, a physical self, an emotional and a spiritual self.
When you understand these dimensions of a person, then you understand the person as a whole. And your dates are no longer gut-wrenching, dreadful experiences but a walk in a park – movie style!
But to give you even more understanding about these categories, why they are so important and what kind of questions you can ask for each and every one, I will explain them in details.
This dimension is all about the logical side of our brain. The intellectual dimension is what, in fact, made us the most powerful species in the world. It allowed us to think about the future, build pyramids, fly a plane and create a razor.
Intellectual questions probe the logical side of a person like their academic experience, skills, work-related questions. Most of the time, people who work in academia have a strong intellectual dimension and like questions which are based on that.
The questions that fall into this category are, most of the time, non-intrusive and are shared as a free information. The questions like „Where did you live“, „What did you study“, „Tell me your favorite book, movie or tv show“ fall into this category.
For dates – you can start with this dimension because it’s a good icebreaker and it gives you the needed information to probe further and get to the interesting parts.
So start with this category, but move fast from it because, as you have probably experienced in the past, it gets boring too soon too fast.
This dimension is about our bodies and is concerned about the physical realm of our existence. The questions in this dimension are also non-intrusive and can be shared easily so you can use them in the combination with the intellectual dimension.
Questions concerning any physical activities, sports, the food they eat or don’t eat, countries they have or haven’t traveled to. The questions in the physical dimension look something like this:
Did you do any sports and why/why not?
Describe your favorite battery recharging physical activity?
Where have you traveled so far?
And with this dimension, we finish the „visible“ dimensions. Because both intellectual and physical dimensions are, most of the times, easily seen, distinguishable and understood.
And you need to start with these categories to unlock the two other dimensions where you actually create that much-needed connection with the other person.
Emotional dimension falls into the „invisible“ part of four dimensions- because it’s hidden from the eyes of other people. And it’s not disclosed or put on a sleeve for everyone to see. It is deep inside the person because most of us are vulnerable here.
But the place where you are vulnerable is the place where you actually form a connection. Because you tap in those emotions and feel what the other person is feeling. That, in turn, creates an emotional connection, something that we value way more than the logical connection with a person.
To prove this the easiest way possible is to remember what out friends first ask us after a date „How was it“ and you reply with a feeling (good, great, bad, horrible, amazing etc.) – a representative of the emotional connection with the other person.
You want to talk with the other person in this dimension, but you can’t jump right into it. You need to go slow, take time to get to know each other on the intellectual and physical dimension and then, when the time is right, slowly transition in this dimension.
The questions here can look something like this:
What makes you you?
Tell me your story!
Describe your perfect relationship (both platonic and romantic).
What did you want to become when you were a kid?
What was your favorite toy?
Questions which elicit emotions in the other person and make them share a part of their inner self is the main deal of the emotional dimension.
Side note: You should be ready to share similar experiences when she asks „how about you?“
And we have reached the final dimension.
Everyone has spiritual needs, but not everyone knows what they are or knows how to properly articulate them. So be aware of this dimension. This is a dimension where a person feels a connection with something bigger than herself.
So in this dimension, you explore the topics like the meaning of life or meaning of life for that exact person, their relationship with a Higher Being, Force, Spirit or any variations of a God, but also more pragmatic things like their personal values in life.
The spiritual dimension is a powerful one because it serves as a guide in our lives – so talking in this dimension only happens when there is a great dose of trust.
But if you manage to get here, you will get that „I can trust you“ feeling.
Every person you meet will have a different ratio of these four dimensions. One will be more physical and less spiritual, while the other will be more emotional and less intellectual.It is up to you to „feel“ them out and figure out where the other person is the strongest or most invested.
But now you understand what makes us who we are and that the question to „How have a killer date?“ lies exactly in four dimensions.
The only question for you and the person sitting across the table of you is- which one?