10 reasons to consider before getting a girlfriend
You googled a phrase “I need a girlfriend” and you come from a pretty dark place right now. You are feeling down, thinking that the problems you currently have will be fixed by a girlfriend.
And I know how you feel. I’ve been there multiple times. But before you jump into it, hear me out for a couple of minutes. Unfortunately, my friend, I am here to tell you that your problems probably won’t be fixed by getting a new girlfriend.
In fact, here are 10 reasons you need to consider first before going into any relationship and getting a girlfriend.
Even though you might be nodding your head in disagreement right now, you will be grateful for this advice in the future. Because it will prevent you from getting a girlfriend for the wrong reasons. And a relationship on shaky foundations is doomed to fail. In fact, we all know how much breakups hurt so let’s just prevent that from the start.
So just read these 10 reasons you need to consider before getting a girlfriend first, and then decide if you actually need a girlfriend right now. Okay? Great! Here we go.
1. Are you making a decision from a high point, not a low point?
This doesn’t apply just to the “getting a girlfriend” situation. This is something you should be practicing for every important aspect of your life. And getting a girlfriend is definitely one of them.
So what does this mean? It means that you don’t make a decision when you are at a low point in life. Because that usually means that your judgment is clouded by your current emotional state.
And at low moments in your life, you are feeling kind of shitty. In getting a girlfriend situation, this would be a time when you are a dance floor at some party and everyone has a girl to dance to except you. At that moment, you feel alone or you feel rage, embarrassment, anger, frustration and simply not very good.
Any decision you make at that moment is a byproduct of your current crappy emotional state- and by that, you make sure that the decision is not something you really want. It is simply a reaction. You should make a decision about getting a girlfriend in a comforting environment, where you are calm and collected and when you can actually see clearly why you need or don’t need a girlfriend.
It maybe sounds ridiculous to you right now, but these simple techniques are powerful beyond imagination. All you need to do is act upon them.
2. Do you know what you seek?
Getting a girlfriend is a quiet question to answer to. You simply say yes or no. But the answer to the question “What kind of girlfriend you seek” is a really difficult one.
Because here you need to describe your perfect girlfriend, tell yourself what she looks like, how she smells, what she loves and doesn’t love, her small quirks and ticks which you will love and hate at the same time. Ok, I am getting a bit more into the details than I should but you get the point.
She needs to have the same value system as you do which doesn’t mean that you need to do the same thing. But she needs to be able to understand you.
But here is the catch.
For you to know what she will be, you need to know what you want. And for you to know what you want, you need to explore yourself. To explore yourself, you need to become self-aware of who you are, what you want to become, what are your dreams and visions for the future, how you imagine your perfect world and in that, where does a girlfriend fit in.
These are all tough questions that you need to answer, but they rewarding. And after you know who you are and what you want to do in life, you can easily articulate to yourself do you want a girlfriend in your life and if you do, what kind of a girlfriend.
3. Are you taking in social pressure from friends and family?
We have a saying where I live that when you hit a certain number of years and you are still not married, almost everyone from your family starts saying to you “It’s time.” In my native language, it speaks as “Vrijeme ti je” which literally translated means “It’s time for you to….” and with this, it means that it’s time to get a girlfriend and get married.
Even though most of the civilized world lives freely, we are still influenced by our culture, parents, grandparents and the environment we are a part of. There is no question about it.
But if you are getting a girlfriend only to please someone out there or satisfy a cultural norm, then please stop. You are doing yourself and your girlfriend a disservice and it will just lead to a crappy relationship which will either end up as a breakup or worse – end up as a crappy marriage. It’s a game of how to catch a cheater.
So if you are pressured to get a girlfriend, tell everyone subtly to f*** off and do your own thing.
4. Are you suffering from loneliness or aloneness?
There is a big difference in these two. Loneliness is the unavailability of people to communicate with on any level. Aloneness, however, is the unavailability of someone to communicate with at your level of awareness.
Most guys are trying to solve aloneness by applying solutions for loneliness. You know those guys who just from one girlfriend to another, always having someone by their side by never having them stick.
Well, that is the case of someone trying to solve aloneness or their inability to find someone who can understand them by using solutions that solve loneliness or simply having someone else there. And in this case, no one is sometimes better than someone.
When you just a girlfriend because you don’t want to feel alone, then by definition you mustn’t get a girlfriend. That is the time you need to use to explore yourself and figure out why you feel like that.
When you solve the problem of loneliness, then you will be free to find a real connection, someone who can understand you. And then, and only then, will be the right time to find a girlfriend.
5. Do you know your life’s priorities?
Getting a girlfriend to just get a girlfriend is a problem itself. When you have your life’s priorities straightened out, then you can find a girlfriend which fits into that picture. The priority number 1 in your life should never be your girlfriend. It should be your vision, mission and life’s purpose.
Let me just break this down a little bit.
You don’t want a girlfriend, you want what you think a girlfriend will give you. And that is happiness and joy. But the thing is that the only place you will find true happiness and joy in your life is in you.
When you figure out what you want to do, that will be your guiding star in life and you will pursue it. And that will be your priority in life. When you just want a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, you will get lost on your way. That always leads to break-ups and misery in general. Because you longer have any idea who you actually are.
But by having your purpose in check and pursuing it as a priority in life, you will find a great girlfriend which fits into that kind of lifestyle.
6. Did you try some fish in the sea?
By the research of many positive psychologists like Martin Seligman and Daniel Gilbert, we are totally delusional when it comes to thinking what will make us happy.
We think we want something and that it will make us happy and only when we get it, we figure out that it didn’t make us happy. Even worse, it made us feel way unhappier because now there isn’t anything to strive for and we need to reinvent ourselves.
When you think you want a girlfriend and a girlfriend with exactly these kind of perks and characteristics, you might be so wrong and you didn’t even know it.
So the best thing is to actually go out there and see what you like. Don’t go into a deep, serious relationship when you are 17 and think that “this is it!” You haven’t even seen what is out there nor what you truly like. You have nothing to compare it with.
It took me years to figure out what I really want in a girlfriend and that was mostly figuring out what do I really want. You need to explore yourself with other people to figure out what you really want so maybe getting a girlfriend right now is not the best move.
You should try out casual relationships with girls to see what you like and dislike so that you actually know what you are interested in.
7. Do you love yourself?
This is a big one because will be like “what kind of question is this? Of course that I love myself.”
But the thing is that most people actually don’t. Most people are seeking someone else, their “better halves” to fulfill them, to give them meaning and a purpose. Most people don’t love themselves so they are desperately trying to find someone out there will give them the love they can’t provide to themselves.
And when they do find a girlfriend out there, someone who is in an equal search for someone who they would love because they can’t do it for themselves, then those people create a dependent relationship.
One person is usually a victim and the other one is a savior. One person needs to put all the blame on themselves to feel worthy of love while the other constantly needs to save someone to feel worthy of love.
These kinds of relationships are doomed to fail.
So ask yourself the question “Am I getting a girlfriend just because I want someone to love me?” If the answer to this question is yes, then you shouldn’t get a girlfriend.
8. Do you need a girlfriend or a rebound?
If you just got out from a long-term relationship, then you absolutely don’t need a new girlfriend. You, my friend, need to flirt with a rebound. A good old one-night stand.
You have just spent so much time with a single person and didn’t end up well. No matter who broke it up, there are still so many unresolved issues and residual emotions lying around.
So first of all, it would be unfair to any other girl if you just jumped with her in a new relationship. Any girlfriend doesn’t want to share their guy with someone else, especially when the sting of the past relationship is still so strong.
Taking that into consideration, you just need some alone and fun time! And there is nothing wrong in having one-night stands, just make something else a habit.
So ask yourself if you actually want and need a girlfriend right now, or would a rebound and a one-night stand do the trick?
9. Are you ready to commit to one?
This is for you workaholics out there (myself included). A girlfriend isn’t a masturbation device. It’s a human being with its wants and needs and you need to able to fulfill them.
Committing to a girlfriend means finding the time to actually be in a relationship. If you are used to thinking only about your plans for summer and vacations, having free time to do this and that, randomly exploring things – well that needs to be considered now.
If you want to commit to a girlfriend, you need to realize that your time now needs to be shared with your girlfriend. And this is something many of us kind of don’t want. Because a relationship is not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s hard work! Even though it’s worth it, you need to allocate time to it.
And if you are the one who is a master time manager or just enjoy your freedom way too much (as I do), you need to re-read the list above. Because if you are sacrificing your time and freedom, then you need to be sure that this girl is the right kind of girlfriend.
10. Do you actually want to share your life with someone?
This is the last thing on our list because all of the above reasons are prerequisites for this one. At the end of the day, having a girlfriend means sharing your life with someone else.
Not just the good things, but the bad things as well. Being there when it’s the hardest not just for you, but for her as well means a lot.
You are sharing everything you are with someone else and it feels liberating and scary at the same time. Some people are never ready for this, thinking that the other person won’t love them for who they truly are. So they hide in short, meaningless relationships and avoid any kind of deep connection.
And to be honest with you, you will probably never be ready for something like this. There will always be a hint of doubt no matter how great your girlfriend is. But the trick here is to think and go through the fear.
If you are willing to share everything you are with someone else and stick around, then you should get a girlfriend. But to come here takes so much work and unfortunately, that work needs to be done alone.
Jim Rohn said it the best ” The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you. “Now I say, I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me.”
Conclusion
We have been through a lot in this article. We have covered 10 reasons you need to consider before getting a girlfriend. The 10 reasons are:
1. Are you making a decision from a high point, not a low point?
2. Do you know what you seek?
3. Are you taking in social pressure from friends and family?
4. Are you suffering from loneliness or aloneness?
5. Do you know your life’s priorities?
6. Did you try some fish in the sea?
7. Do you love yourself?
8. Do you need a girlfriend or a rebound?
9. Are you ready to commit to one?
10. Do you actually want to share your life with someone?
I believe you managed to get your answer in these reasons and that it will help you make the best decision.
