How do you handle what life throws at you?
You are sitting in a bar with your friends when a guy comes through the door. As he enters, he sees a cute girl at the bar. She is all dressed up, wearing a red dress which is over-the-top by the bar standards. You know this, your friends know this and everyone else in the bar knows this. But that is the reason she is the center of attention.
The guy also notices her, walks up to her and introduces himself. After a couple of minutes, he takes her by the hand and leads her out the bar with a smug on her face. All the while, you are sitting there with your friends having that “what the hell just happened” face.
“It’s just one of those naturals” is your default response. And you tell yourself that you will never be able to do something like that. That you are just made from a different cloth.
I know. I have been there. I’ve had the same thoughts, feelings, regrets, and patterns. But there is a way. Even though you may not believe it yet. Because I didn’t as well. Until I learned that for the first 20 years of my life, I have been doing the one thing that was keeping me from reaching my potential: Coping.
That’s just the way it is
This sentence is the modus operandi of all coping in the world. And with that, let me explain what coping is in short. Coping is an adaptation mechanism we develop to justify a behavior, thought pattern or any other knowledge, skill, or mindset we currently lack as okay.
And in real life example, this would mean the following:
I suck at picking up girls
BECAUSE
I am not a natural
SO
I will settle for not having the skills in picking up girls
BY
Getting drunk with my buddies and taking any girl that comes my way.
And here is one more example from life:
I am poor
BECAUSE
I don’t have rich parents
SO
I will settle for not having money
BY
Blaming the government/education/other people for it.
The coping mechanism comes from the certainty that you can’t do it. And this lack of control of the situation is what leads you into learned helplessness. Or how the streets would call it “That’s just the way it is”. This approach gives control to an external source like luck, parents, school, or any other external element. And the sad truth is that the majority of the population is like this.
And you can see this everywhere.
But not you.
You are not like everyone else. You were not put on this Earth to cope and say that it is what it is. You are here to be a man. To have control over all the aspects of your life. To strive for the best life you can imagine and more.
To do this, you need to regain control and ask yourself the question: “What would it take for me to become the guy from the bar”. And behold, you have discovered thriving.
You are meant to thrive, not survive
Thrive is the complete opposite of cope. When you thrive, it means that you are in control. It means you are responsible for your life and everything in it. To thrive means to be curious about how you can achieve something that you currently don’t possess. Whether it’s an information, general knowledge, mindset or a skillset.
You know that you can do it. And you refuse to take any less.
So when you see a guy picking up a hot girl in the bar, you don’t respond with helplessness or jealousy. You respond with curiosity. “What the hell did he do and where can I learn it?”, is your default sentence.
And in real life scenario, it would like this:
I suck at picking up girls
BECAUSE
I am not a natural.
BUT
I am curious to learn how it can be done.
SO
I will invest time, money, and effort to learn the skills of picking up girls.
And here is one more example from life:
I am poor
BECAUSE
I don’t have rich parents
BUT
I am curious to learn how I can attain wealth.
SO
I will invest time and effort to acquire knowledge, change my mindset and learn the skills that the wealthy have.
When you thrive, you pick a fight with the world. A fight which you won’t lose. Because you don’t settle. You strive for the best and don’t expect less from yourself. You want the best girls for yourself and you won’t stop until you get them.
Every obstacle on the way is just there to make you stronger. Because you know that you can and will change for the better. That you will grow from obstacles. You know that the only way around is through.
Decide now
“The best time to plant the tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now“, is the old Chinese proverb. So if you, like me, was coping your entire life, it’s not too late to start thriving. You can literally start today. Now. At this very moment.
It all comes down to the decision you will make in your life.
Will you cope or will you thrive?
2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks
Comments are closed.